#theyre just walking gay disasters

[accio-sriracha]

No because what even are the Marauders? Like the dynamics are just so absolutely wild with these four characters.

Okay so we have Remus: Literally a werewolf, stone cold sarcasm, could kill a man with one look, sharp mind and sharper tounge, like 6'4 and could 100% tower over you, in general just does not give a shit.

But we also have Remus: Soft Boi, tall and lanky, incredibly socially awkward, just wants naps and chocolate all the time, blushes furiously, way too stressed out about absolutely everything, can't go twenty minutes without complaining that he's cold.

We have Sirius: Punk Rock Badass tm, drives an illegal flying motorcycle, has the coolest animagus form to date, scary dog best friend privileges, the most Noble and Ancient House of Black reject, could kill you without hesitation if you look at his friends wrong, could tower over you even though he's shorter??, his voice is somehow even more threatening when it's quiet.

But then we have Sirius: Perpetual gay panic, will willingly fling himself off a bridge if any of the marauders told him to, terrified of Lily Evans (who's the shortest of all of them), sings along to Dancing Queen every time it plays, needs affection or he'll die, will break down crying because he cant get his eyeliner right, absolute hot mess.

We have James: Over protective, strong enough to manhandle someone easily, also incredibly tall, doesn't care what anyone thinks of him, popular jock, secret charms genius and could come up with a spell to haunt you forever, known for being a Prank God, is best friends with the House of Black reject and a literal werewolf, the untouchable quidditch captain, could probably down eight firewhiskeys and still shoot a quaffle perfectly through a hoop, his angry glare could melt fucking steel.

Then we have James: chased after the same person for seven years, crooked glasses and always messy hair, big doe eyes, literally and figuratively deer in headlights, won't stop whining about everything, takes an hour long shower because he needs to find the right playlist, refuses to eat sandwiches with the crusts on, wears mismatched socks, such a mama's boy, wears croptops for fun, likes being choked.

Well... and then there's just Peter: Not a mean bone in this kid's body, he will bring the snacks to the study group and there is nothing you can do about it, likes cheese, always down for a road trip, desperately needs validation, pins photos of all his best friends to his wall, likes cheese, can make you cry just by pouting at you, literally just a big tedy bear, needs at least three hugs a day, LIKES CHEESE.

[tulipanthousa]

tell us about the unwritten au 👀

okay, full disclosure, this will never be written. i have no intention of ever doing so. if someone else is willing to take a crack at it be my guest but this would be too much for me to handle

so, here it is

Content Warnings: angst, RAPE (<- read this. the dove is dead. do not pass go do not collect $200. youve been warned) both directly and via proxy, and other kinds of sexual coercion

LAOFT RELAMP but at what cost

In main story laoft, durant does not see roman and remy's dalliances as important or a threat to him/his control over roman.

in this story. he does

in an agonizing display of cruelty, he kidnaps remy and presents him to night roman as a gift.

its a terrible position - roman cant reject the gift and risk durants anger, which will end in disaster for both him and remy... but niether can he accept it and walk back into his day life with the knowledge that remy will remain here, trapped, alone with durant, and impossibly far away from anything roman can do to protect him

Roman takes the only path he can find - feign gratefulness so deep that he no longer had need of his day left, and giving it up. because at least if theyre both trapped remy's not alone.

Remy and Roman disappear the same night, stolen from their beds without a sound or a trace left behind.

In wickhills, Logan is incandescent with fury and patton cries so miserably the woods and hills around his house are bone-dead silent. not even the birds want to sing in his presence.

May sits alone in her house, the door locked, refusing to answer for anyone.

The Adams' put up posters across all of southeast ohio knowing nobody is going to call

And emile watches them all and churns with guilt because he didnt know remy, not really, so why does he think he has a right to be this sad?

Back in faerieland, things escalate in a bad way very quickly. Durant coerces Roman and Remy into increasingly intense sexual scenarios for his entertainment.

in the midst of this, having only one other person you can rely on or trust can, coupled with the rapid increase in intimacy, cross the wires a bit, and wwhoops, Remy and roman are in love now

Remy: or whatever passes for love in this shitshow Roman: you dont get to tell me i dont really love you Remy, crying: ok

and tbh, all of this is more of just context for what im ACTUALLY interested which is

they get out. now what?

Because in the meantime, Emile has reached out to patton, we still have LAMP and remile, and now we have pair-of-cats-that-cant-be-separated creativisleep

Logan: you thought canon logan had anger issues? ha. ha i say. this logan would kill a man sooner than let them make roman or remy even slightly uncomfortable. he'll snarled at his own mother if she gets too close. he'll snarl at thomas, though he'll feel bad about both. this is actually! not great! because logan tried to guard from the outside looks a lot like Guards Keeping Us Inside to remy and roman, so they have to figure out how to navigate logans nuclear reactor protectiveness vs it wigging roman and remy out.

Virgil: Virgil waking up is the catalyst for them getting free, and in the midst of his horror falls in QP love at first sight with remy, who was so brave and so strong and kept roman safe when virgil couldnt.

Remy: i dont know if 'safe' is even slihtly accurate Virgil: the safety of his heart and mind are of equal importance to me as his body. you have cherished both, and you can have anything you ask for as long as i live Remy: [gay fluster noises]

Patton keeps determinedly dragging emile to mays house (where they are holed up for close access to dizzy and jax) even though Emile feels like he's intruding

Patton, constantly on the verge of tears: I almost lost Roman and i've decided im in love with all of you and i CATEGORICALLY refuse to lose anyone else Emile: um Patton: RE. FUSE.

so pattons HOPE is that they all wind up in a big polycule pile, and its doesnt... not do that, but its not quite as clearcut as all that.

Theres stumbling blocks at the beginning withboth remy and roman wavering on whether or not their romantic feelings are genuine, and subsequently wondering if the fact that theeyre still in love with Emile and LAM respectively means that they arent.

this would go through some oscillations of both of them trying to deny those feelings to "prove" their love for each other, vs trying to push the other away so they can go be with p[eople they "really love"

do! not! separate them!

in my head this ends with romantic LAMP, Romantic Remile, Romantic Patmile, and QPR losleep and sleepxiety - everybody else is friends and cuddle buddies

Remy is actually super comforted by the fact that Patton is in love with him/attracted to him but never asks for more than friendship because he knows remy isnt. Metamour besties.

Dizzy suffers a lot from this ordeal (she hid from durant and subsequently roman, knowing if he found her as romans familiar it would be catastrophic) so their bond is.... stretched, lets say. overtaxed. she's a little sicklier. a little smaller, a little more timid. hides in remy or virgils jackets frequently

All of which is to say that this is a fraught extended metaphor that sometimes trauma changes you, and it changes your relationships, and it changes the way you feel attraction, and all of that is okay. it doesnt make those feelings or relationships less real or loving or valid.

anyway this is my monster. im not going to write it (please dont ask) but some people have expressed that they were glad i still shared it, so have some bite sized angst

[wadesprincessboy]

As an aroace lesbian, I hate this take. I see it a lot and it's just....wrong? At least most of the time. Ues, aroaces often face harm and prejudice, however, lesbians typically do face more due to the more wider knowledge of what being a lesbian is and how aggressive the prejudice can become. Typically, as an aroace person, when I say I don't feel attraction, I get confused looks and told its a phase and im just struggling to understand attraction because im autistic. When I say im a lesbian, i get homophobia. I get "thats a sin/youre going to hell" i get "you need help" i get "you are a disgrace" i get "if some guy assaults you maybe youll be fixed" and while I haven't experienced it, i know a lot of lesbian who have been hate crimed. Had slurs thrown at them because they are visibly lesbian (either bc theyre with a partner or they simply "look gay"). Been sexually assaulted because of their sexuality. Been kicked out of functions, religious places/groups, general areas. Been told theyre the reason for the HIV/AIDS crisis because they dare share a community with gay and bisexual men and trans women and dare spend time with their dying friends. Told they deserve to die for being gay. Kicked out of home. Forced into survival sex work. Experienced corrective assault.

Most of this doesn't happen to aces and aros, at least not commonly. Of course being aroace is hard, im not denying that. Aroaces and aspecs in general experience discrimination and are often not accepted. But fuck it is a lot harder to be a lesbian and saying you are a lesbian or implying it in an attempt to stay safe or avoid facing prejudice will not work. It will put you in MORE danger. It is hard to be visibly aspec. Typically people will just assume you're single and not ready to mingle. The implication that you're just not ready yet or havent found the right person sucks and is wrong, however it is significantly less dangerous than the implication that you yourself are a disgusting degenerate who is the cause of world disasters and needs to be fixed or youll be damned to hell. It hurts no matter what side youre on, but you cant really look at someone and know theyre aspec just walking down the street. You CAN look at someone and know theyre a lesbian just walking down the street, or at least assume it based on stereotypes , which homophobes do regularly.

There are overlaps with how aspecs and lesbians are treated. The "you havent found the right ____ yet" thing is common with both. "Corrective" assault happens with both unfortunately. But you unlikely to be booted from church or home for being aspec. Youre unlikely to have slurs thrown at you down the street or even by those you love. You are unlikely to be beaten and bashed and assaulted for telling someone youre aroace when they hit on you. You are unlikely to live in fear when you go out of your house because "what if a man hits on me and i say the truth and get bashed or otherwise assaulted for it."

I want to clarify that i am NOT making an oppression olympics post here. I am trying to share the dangers of saying you're a lesbian vs saying youre aspec with this rather.

I hate when people say its "easier to be a lesbian" or "more acceptable to be a lesbian" because thats not true, and it denies the huge amount of violence and discrimination lesbians face and it also puts YOU in danger because you have been ignorant to that danger.

Yes, among queer people and those accepting of the "typical" queer identities it may be easier to say youre a lesbian, but in general just dont. You are offending lesbians who have experienced prejudice as well as hurting yourself in the process, and especially harming aroace lesbians that have experienced both sides of this.

Also, just dont lie and say/imply youre a lesbian? You could say "im not interested in dating/sex" or something of the like. It puts you in less danger and doesn't harm lesbians.

You wont be "more accepted" as a lesbian. I promise you. Youll just experience a different flavour of discrimination. It also stuffs up your life because saying "im not into dudes" implies you are into women and/or nonbinary/genderqueer/agender folks so even if you arent in danger per-say because you said this to perhaps another queer person, you may greatly inconvenience yourself because youll have to explain anyway that you are aspec when/if someone, who thinks youre a lesbian, tries to set you up with a non man or asks if youre interested in them instead.

TLDR: as an aroace lesbian i find this take harmful

As an asexual aromantic woman, when people ask if I like a man, I go, "Naw, I'm not into dudes." It implies I'm a lesbian.

Because it's more acceptable to be a lesbian than asexual.

[eparvierr]

ilove watermelon i wish it was summer for me but instead i get . really weird winter.that doesnt even snow. but im good!! the candle wax still feels like its there and i hate it but asides from that im good!! also can you tell me about like. idk. lesbians fron your shows or something

oh damn that candle wax is crazy 😭

and yeah omg ALWAYS okay so. ive talked about choni enough these past few days its time i tell you about sanvers

okay so. the show is called supergirl. its like. supermans cousin. horrible show, ridiculous budget, but sanvers are so <3

so. supergirl, her name is kara, comes to earth as a teen & gets adopted into this super smart scientist family. and she has a big sister, alex! alex is good at everything, shes smart, shes cool, kara admires her and wants to be like her sooo bad.

they love each other to death & see each other a lot as they grow up. ljke theyre each others safety person.

kara grows up with powers the earth sun gives her, but ditches that "not normal" part of her and becomes cat grant's assistant. cat grant is this real "devil wears prada" rich arrogant business woman who owns ljke a . magazine. and kara works for her!

alex, smart beautiful gorgeous funny sweet alex, works for the fbi. we THINK! and kara thinks it too!

until alex is on a plane and its ATTACKED because shes not an fbi agent at all, she works for this super underground mysterious paranormal investigation type agency.

so kara sees this on the news and she thinks "fuck it, i have to save my sister"

and she saves the plane and alex's real job is revealed and wtv wyv wtv. thats the pilot.

then a bunch of stuff happens and then s2 happens—maggie, this...special cop appears. and she's investigating the same stuff as alex. and alex and her fight, and they HATE each other, until maggie is kidnapped by some alien villain and kara and alex save her.

maggie and alex start getting drinks at this underground alien bar and maggie tells her about her ex gf, whos an alien, and all alex hears is "gf"

and she slowly starts realizing that oh. ohhh. ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

and then. she asks maggie to like. go to a bar with her after maggie got dumped. and maggie's like "🤨 i didnt know you were gay"

and alex panics and says "im-im not" in the most unconvincing tone ever

and maggie says "you'd be surprised how many gay women i've heard that from"

and alex. straight up runs off. like just. walks away 😭 shes a disaster lesbian and i love her for it

then she waits a few days. thinks about if. and goes to maggie's regular bar and meets her there. and she has this BEAUTIFUL monologue about she's always had to be the perfect sister for kara wait ill just.

"my whole life...has been about being perfect. perfect grades, perfect job, perfect sister, taking care of kara...but the one part of my life that i've never been able to make perfect...was dating. i just never really liked it, i mean i tried! i-you know, i got asked out! but i never liked...being intimate. i thought maybe that's just not the way that i was built! you know, it's just not my thing. i never thought it could be because of that other..."

and then she trails off. and maggie sits there, in AWE. shes so done for. theyre so gone for each other. i should stop now but um yes i hope u enjoyed :>

[listen-to-the-inner-walrus]

back on my bullshit with cruise ship killers because this is my blog and i Need To Get My Thoughts Out somehow:

yesterday there was an episode of a corporate retreat cruise and today theres faith ministry cruise, which one is worse?

"its all fun and games with a christian messages"

never mind, i figured it out, being gay on a faith ministry cruise is the worst experience

WHAT IS IT WITH THIS SHOW AND ROGUE WAVES?????????

i was not expecting a threesome to come up during the faith ministry episode

"its all fun and games until the night ends in deadly disaster" <- jesus' inner monologue while he was on the cross

...rogue waves do come out of nowhere? thats like one of the defining features of them? the crew could not use weather tracking technology to track and avoid a rogue wave. i mean last year, there was a paper published which proposed a new method of forecasting it but like, the study of rogue waves is less than 30 years old

i dont think this show knows what a rogue wave is.

"the cruise ship provides her with the perfect captive audience to pitch her natural health business" ...no red flags there at all

if i worked on a cruise ship and a passenger was like hey youre my lucky charm, can you come sit with me at bingo tonight since youre off shift?, i would throw myself overboard

reason #724 to never go on a cruise: if someones stalking you, the staff may just tell you its not their problem and that you have to "either deal with it or avoid them all together"

a passenger walks up to the security team and says "hey, this is a crime scene, you need to cordon it off" and the security team responds "thats not your business, go fuck yourself"

THEY DIDNT EVEN TAKE A PHOTOGRAPH OF THE CRIME SCENE?????

THEY REMOVED ITEMS FROM THE CRIME SCENE BY HAND????

again, call me overly cautious, but if someone is reported missing, you should immediately turn the ship around to look for them rather than waiting for a search to be conducted to confirm theyre missing.

if youre gonna kill someone (which i wouldnt recommend but i cant stop you), dont do it on a cruise ship. its a confined space with a limited number of potential suspects.

...is there a fucking serial killer on board this high school reunion cruise??????? cant have shit in pittsburgh huh

okay, say you and your husband want kids but youre struggling to conceive. what should you not do? have an affair with your high school boyfriend without talking to your husband about it first and then try to pass off the baby as your husbands

if you are planning to kill someone, plan a better location than a fucking cruise ship.

[taibhse-harrowfell]

Taelia Fordragon

Listen, we all know the only reason Blizzard even added her was for Anduin to meet & get himself a wife, because when has Blizzard ever written female characters that weren't, crazy, fridged, damsel, the wife or too "emotional"

....but hear me out, she takes up the invite to Stormwind, & Anduin is showing her around, fawning over her & her father's legacy, all "Imma marry this one, father, I know it" & she's half listening because she sees this couple & is immediately smitten, who are they?

Tess Greymane & Lorna Crowley (The Lesbians of Gilneas) cue Disaster Lesbian Taelia trying not to fall in love with them both & failing hard

[accio-sriracha]

What it's like as a Marauder's Era fanfic writer.

~~~♤~~~

You want to know what it's like writing Marauders fanfiction?

Trying to find anything to replace the word SERIOUS.

How many times can I put the words honestly and genuinely and earnestly before my brain literally fries??

I had to change my entire vocabulary because of him. I'm only able to use it with the intention of that joke. I wish i was kidding when I say I can't even say it in person anymore, it's too ingrained.

"Fuck, wait. Not serious, HE'S Sirius." -My Brain. Every. Single. Time.

It's also having to rewrite the sentences: "He sat up straight-", "He walked straight to-", "He looked them straight in the eyes-"

Because NO THE FUCK THEY'RE NOT. THEY'RE NOT STRAIGHT. EVERYONE'S GAY.

Writing Marauders fanfiction is the most rewarding, angst-filled, tooth-rottingly fluffy, WONDERFUL thing in the world, and it literally kills me daily because I don't know THAT many words Sirius can you please just spare me???

[sssrha]

transcription of slides under the cut:

[SLIDE 1] the vibes ao3’s top 9 mdzs ships give me (a really stupid thing i made on a lazy saturday)

[SLIDE 2] wangxian: the wholesome canon relationship (with a hint of spice)

ok maybe calling the union between a demonic cultivator and a secret sex fiend “wholesome” isnt exactly accurate…but that’s where the “hint of spice” comes in

other than that tho? i remember seeing a meme somewhere about wangxian and sangcheng and wangxian was described as “domestic gays with a house and a white picket fence and two kids” and honestly? yes 

not that they cant be freaky. id say their particular brand of freakiness is vaguely surrealist suburban horror. make of that what you will

[SLIDE 3] xicheng: either its “pair the spares” or just about trauma

their dynamic is 500% “karen/enabling husband” but like in a good way

objectively the best-dressed couple you will ever meet. like seriously why are you even trying? theyve got you beat

jc would own a flower shop and punch you in the face for saying a single bad thing about his flowers. lxc would own a tattoo parlor and hand you a lollipop and tell you how proud he is of you for not crying while he gave you a tattoo

they dont strike me as a “every evening we relax and watch the sunset” type of relationship B U T every other week they go stargazing with a detailed map of the night sky

[SLIDE 4] xiyao: either a) the angst of betraying/being betrayed or b) the angst of killing/being killed

high society gays. they would both unironically wear tuxedos to a mcdonalds. lxc would see it as a fun couples thing and jgy would do it to assert his dominance

i swear they would be among the smiliest of the major couples. only one of them would give you a happy smile

dont mess with them. no like dont mess with any of the couples but so far jgy is the first one who would make your life living hell and keep you around long enough to suffer the consequences

[SLIDE 5] sangcheng: being simultaneously over- and underestimated

i saw a meme about sangcheng and wangxian where sangcheng was described as something along the lines of “wine aunt and vodka uncle” and honestly? yes

they’re both human disasters. nhs would have various splotches of color on his clothes and you cant tell if it was intentional or if theyre actually stains. jc is very neat and organized but will have a mental breakdown at the slightest inconvenience

sometimes they just sit down across from each other and. cry. its how they bond

idk why it popped into my head but they’re both ace Because I Said So

[SLIDE 6] xuexiao: cute domesticity but also murder

i refuse to believe that xy is anything but unhinged in every universe. whether or not thats a good thing is up to you

xy could and would murder you in your sleep and not feel bad about it until xxc told him off. even then he might still decide it was worth it

xxc doesnt exactly know about The Murder Stuff(TM) but he knows some shit is off but he trusts xy enough to not comment on it

they would meet and hook up in a bar and mutually decide that they may as well stay together for the rest of their lives the next morning

[SLIDE 7] xuanli: the token straights (but also? theyre really cute???)

i did not expect them to be as cute as they were but here i am

anyway jyl has jzxuan wrapped around her little finger and shes just too nice to use that to her advantage

if jyl asked jzxuan for some chocolate jzxuan would just buy her the entire hershey company and forget to give her an actual chocolate bar and jyl is too sweet to actually say anything about it

they would definitely have like 20 children. theyd fucking love being parents. the moment having another child became dangerous theyd start adopting left and right. theyre rich they can afford it and their hearts are big enough for all their kids so why would they not?

[SLIDE 8] songxiao: childhood friends to lovers AND perfect power couple

i know they have more nuance than this but i cant help but think of them as The Perfect Couple(TM)

not shipping-wise!! i mean like. theyre both law-abiding citizens. their house looks like a model house. theyre dressed super neat and handsomely. they both know cpr and first aid and one of them is a lawyer and the other is an award winning writer. idk who is who but yk.

they are who people call to deal with problems instead of the police and they delight in that fact. that is what i mean by them being The Perfect Couple(TM)

[SLIDE 9] chengxian: disasters through and through

uhh i am going to be spending the entirety of this slide ignoring the fact that i personally consider them siblings

they would live in a dingy studio apartment in the heart of a city and theyd both never be home

theyre both super fucking rich but theyd never have any money on hand so dont be surprised if they just starve out on the street one day because theyre just that stupid

they collectively have the self esteem of rotting cabbage but theyre keeping themselves and each other alive purely out of spite and sheer force of will

[SLIDES 10] nielan: childhood friends to lovers AND himbo power couple

psst heres a secret: neither of them are actually himbos

H O W E V E R they both 500% pretend they are. they intentionally act as stupid as possible just for the fun of it

the best part is when they stop acting stupid when something important happens. crouching-moron-hidden-badass at its finest

also the older brother energy is overflowing. it does not matter who you are or how old you are. if you meet them then youre going to walk away with two new big brothers

[SLIDES 11] the end (unless i gather the willpower to make a part 2)

[acewlwtoast]

Sonntag 13:28

this is gonna be a long one

OKAY so I’m doing another one of these. They’re obviously in high demand lmao. Also watch me saying I can’t say anything bout this clip cos it’s already perfect, and then still writing a 900+ word post (insert clown here)

ANYWAYS HERE YA GO this is about the Kieutou date clip. I honestly owe Druck my life for this.

Fatou is EARLY and she looks so nervous sjdjjsjdh

they're both so nervous and awkward i love my disaster children

Once again HEIGHT DIFFERENCE (i will never be over that)

Kieu My, why you walking away so fast, this isn't a race

And Fatou running after her and walking next to her i-

The tension in that blue room is SO PALPABLE

THEYRE LITERALLY DANCING AROUND EACH OTHER AND TRYING NOT TO LOOK

WHY ARE THEY SO AWKWARD, YOURE LITERALLY ON A DATE

Kieu My pretending to take notes for physics, girl we know you aren't good at being subtle

Fatou looks almost sad like she's feeling ignored again?? Bebi.

Kieu My coming up from behind her like i don't wanna say anything but that's hot ngl

Like two stars gravitating towards each other they will be the death of me 

Gay stares™

LIKE THEM PRETENDING LIKE THEY ARE NOT ACTIVELY FOLLOWING EACH OTHER

H A N D S i need more hands tbh #LetKieutouHoldHands2k21

Those stares....this is even worse than on horror-night

Kieu My why you so nervous, you both know why ur here

LIKE THIS IS A DATE WHY CANT THEY COMMUNICATE WILL THEY EVER LEARN

i don't even need to talk about the perfect metaphor of stars inevitably colliding, like these two are literally soulmates

Kieu My trying to get herself to talk to Fatou akjfhkadslj my girls are trying okay?

She starts talking and suddenly sounds so confident, beginning something is always the hardest

She's literally panicking and geeking out about her space stuff

SHE OPENED UP AND THEN WAS IMMEDIATELY SCARED THAT SHE WAS BORING FATOU LIKE BEBI NO

Fatou got her girl tho. Not only does she make sure Kieu My knows she isn't boring her, but also continues to talk about the thing she knows Kieu My is obsessed with

actual girlfriends

Kieu My actually looks so perplexed when Fatou is interested in her rambling, you really found the right girl.

Like, who has ever asked her about her interests, and THEN also actually listened and cared?

The way Kieu My's looking at her like girlie is in love

“I think it's crazy that everything happened the way it did.” Fatou. You are such a dork and i love you. Also you’re right.

MORE. GAY. STARING.

Kieu My looking at her lips so many times before finally kissing her

AAAAH again, the metaphor of stars colliding 

with the red star symbolising Fatou's warmth, and the blue star being a metaphor for Kieu My ice queen persona? (I've heard this theory from Vic in our discord server :))

-> creating a new galaxy that is their relationship

“Ich wollt dich jetzt nicht weiter verwirren/I didn’t want to further confuse you” - “mich oder dich?/me or you?” The fact that fatou can already read her so well

She's smiling at her like "that's my dumbass" and mirroring her posture

Fatou just knows Kieu My needs someone to talk it out, someone who understands her

Kieu My said she's bi out loud, i love that!

Kieu my feeling safe enough to tell this all

Sharing insecurities, we love to see it

She's looking for reassurance that she doesn't sound dumb, that her feelings are valid! And Fatou's just like, yeah i got you. Those two istg

“Ich wollte eigentlich richtig, richtig gutes Abi machen. Ohne Ablenkung/I actually wanted to get a really really good Abi. Without distractions” WITHOUT DISTRACTIONS WELL BITCH YOU DONE FUCKED UP YOU TWO HAD TO HAPPEN SOONER OR LATER

they are so adorable

“Ich würd voll gern Astrophysik studieren./I would love to study Astrophysics.” Can everyone just say thank you to Nhungi for proposing Kieu My being obsessed with astronomy? Cos it's honestly so amazing.

She didn't say anything about her parents directly pressuring her, but more like she feels she has to do great things with the opportunities she's been given. Similar to Fatou.

“München ist voll weit weg/Munich is really far away.” So few words, so many feelings.

*Look, I honestly thought that song was the beginning of Soulmate by Natasha Bedingfield like IMAGINE

just lying in solidarity.

ANOTHER INSTANCE of me thinking the clip would end there and Druck just continuing and adding another 20 years to my life (which i will spend further obsessing over this ship)

They're just really out here on the streets like this. My heart is so full.

Suddenly, conversation seems easy, effortless?

They're actually learning more about each other it warms my heart

The close your eyes thing- I don't really have to say more, those two are just amazing.

Also Kieu My being smooth for once in her life you go girl

And they're playing Can't Help Falling in Love like Druck you're SERVING today

Fatou finds Kieu My so adorable when speaking vietnamese like GURL SAME

Also the things Kieu My says in vietnamese, i know i say dork a lot but LOOK AT THEM

DO WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT THE TWIRLY-KISS THING

Also Fatou having to constantly stand on the stairs to be on kinda the same height as Kieu My, I will never shut up about the height difference

ASKING BOUT THE BIRTHMARK and Kieu My like seriously answering the question SOULMATES

i have been waiting for a Kieutou hug for forever, thank you for giving me life

Who needs a cuddle clip (okay i still want one) when you can have your otp hugging and holding each other like this

These nerds just be pointing at the sky. They're perfect.

There you go, this is a LOT. Honestly, everyone who made it this far....respect.

Please touch me I'm lonely

[aplpaca]

continuation bc apparently asks have a word limit? or at least the editor was throwing a fit when i tried to post with the last paragraph

Yianni Hepsin is a former contortionist turned magic physicist/grad student. he would not like being referred to as a former contortionist bc he kinda has a lot of issues from his whole childhood with being put on display and viewed as an oddity and just being objectified in general. his upbringing was just very shitty and he has a lot of issues from it that he didnt fully realize until he got a job as an assistant to Eliah Hepsin after the carnival group he grew up in got disbanded. he had a fuck ton of help and "therapy" and now he's doing a lot better even tho he still struggles with stuff. He's lived with Eliah for like 7 years and basically credits them with saving his life. They've got a dynamic thats like a mishmash of friends/found family/mentor-mentee and Eliah occasionally jokingly refers to Yianni as their son (Yianni *did* end up taking their last name), but neither of them actually thinks of their dynamic as parental. thanks to Eliah, Yianni got to go to whats basically Magic College, and became pretty adept at magically manipulating physics and chemistry (its vaguely fma rules where u gotta know science to do the magic). He's also a pretty talented artist, and usually carries at least one sketchbook around with him. He has a very animated personality (and body language to match) and comes across very genuine/energetic/heartfelt in a way that people either find really compelling and endearing or kinda annoying. he can't hide his emotions for shit, but people still get confused sometimes bc he laughs as a stress response. he has the unfortunate habit of saying some horrifying personal anecdote as if its funny or like hes just commenting on the weather. he wears knee and ankle braces and sometimes walks with a cane cause it turns out the same thing that can make you a good contortionist also might be a medical issue. Yianni and Naki (mentioned in vyma's bit) are a qpr and are also avatars of the New Deity, since theyre the ones that kinda spurred it to become fully sentient, so he's got a telepathic connection to a god (and to Naki) and a few minor abilities from that. also he's gay and has a romantic relationship with @cedrictheperipatetic's character Jareth, so they get to be adhd disasters together. 

why is having your ocs be your special interest unfortunate? please tell us about them!! (curious, friendly tone)

It's unfortunate bc theres not content for them that exist without my own effort 😔(outside of a couple friends) so i cant reblog posts about them like i would for like critical role or something. ive got a variety of "main character" ocs and most of them started out as ttrpg characters that then got their own non-rpg "canon" in a story universe im making with some friends that may or may not end up turning into a series of books. (overarching "plot" of it is that the birth of a new deity ends up connecting people and politics of several planets in different universes)

so like my "main" characters for that are vyma, claysen, and yianni. vyma also has an equally canon ttrpg incarnation for a game thats still ongoing, but claysen and yianni started out as ttrpg characters but now their "canon" is just their storyverse incarnations. i put actual character descriptions under the cut

ima talk about vyma's storyverse incarnation for this, since theres Spoilers for her ttrpg canon that players who follow me dont know yet (but like, the core personality is the same between the two so yeah). but anyway, her full name in storyverse is Vyma Bapp-Matieyepa sip-Sabapak, which is kinda long bc cultural naming conventions include familial last name, chosen/official clan affiliation, and familal-but-not-official clan affiliation (if someone has that). She's one of the unofficial leaders of a revolutionary/resistance group (other leader is one of @cosmemery's characters Naki) that funnels political prisoners to freedom and tries to counteract the imperialism of the country that subjugated theirs and the harm from their own gov that tries to meet the imperialists in the middle. Vyma is pretty tall, pretty butch, and pretty ace. She's got lowkey disabling hyperempathy, but this gets paired with an autistic flat affect that makes her come across unintentionally blunt, monotone, and insensitive at times. she's kinda overcompensated for social issues by using her hyperempathy and just general problem solving to get really fucking good at reading people/figuring out how people are feeling. this unfortunately does not make her any more conversationally adept, and in some cases makes her kinda preachy instead. her flight response (like the trauma response, not just the general fight or flight) is through the fucking roof and she would and prob will grind herself into dust in an attempt to make what she considers a positive impact. she's chronically sleep deprived and refuses to talk about her feelings in a way thats not dodging the question. she likes to bake, but hasnt been able to in a while. Claysen Hishari (birthname Jarren Claysen Vidravalsh) is like lowkey highkey kinda of A Lot in terms of stuff he's got going on. id like to think i do a decent job not being Edgy (TM) with him but like,,yeah. He's a formal noble who escaped his shitty dad after his mom died and ended up being blackmailed into becoming a spy/assassin. He also technically has emotion/identity-influenced magical power equivalent to at least a minor god, but hes repressing that and its only almost killed him once. He's more visibly autistic and uses a trade sign language to talk fairly frequently. When he's not signing, he has a very specific speech pattern, and often pauses in the middle of sentences while he figures out how to make words work. At the start of the story, he basically hasn't had goals or ambitions or strong personal convictions for A While, and a lot of his growth is Growing A Fucking Spine and Learning To Act On Things. A lot of his other growth is self acceptance stuff (both autism and the whole emotionally volatile magic thing bc por que no los dos). He has a pretty fuckin codependant relationship with @cosmemery's character Kay, and even before they actually become romantic, theyre platonically flirty with each other to a kinda obnoxious degree. hes bi, super reserved but has a certain air of competence/force of presence to him despite that, and has a special interest in spiders and bugs in general And apparently tumblr has a word limit for asks or somthing bc it wont let me add my last characters paragraph onto this so im gonna just reblog it with yianni's stuff in a sec

[remy-el-rato]

notes i took during outer banks

i was watching and texting my friend and there are quite a few bits missing

in order:

-BRO JOHN B JUST KISSED KIARA WTF

-jj really got arrested for pope😭😭😭

-they fucking on the dl😭😭

-COLE COLE COLE

-JOHN B JUST FELL

-FUCK TOPPER

-OH MY GOD I-

-i just started episode 6

-so right after ward adopted john b

-ward just disowned rafe 😭😭

-wait cole what happens

-is mrs crain gonna kill them??

-is she blind??

-i think she blind

-lol mrs crain shooting at them with her blind ass

-HE JUST FUCKING TACKLED HER LMAOOO

-on episode 7...

-is ward about to kill john b?

-is that why they in the middle of nowhere

-how does he know about redfield

-WARD NO

-WTF

HOLY CRAP WHAT IS HAPPENING

-damn...

-ward sucks

-rose if you dont shut tf up-

-istg she looked at his butt as he walked away

-OMFG SUE NOOOO

-FUCK RAFE

-HE SUCKs

-its not fucking okay ward

-she just got shot

-kiara is gay

-every guy tries to get with her and she aint with it

-its the only explanation 

-im on the last episode!!

-im nervy for what finna happen

i envy the sbi guy’s eyebrows

-barry got sum grandma chairs

-mans is having a serious withdrawal

-thurfboard

-why pope pose like that

-scared me honestly

-is jjs dad dead

-did he just rip open a ziplock baggie

-POPE LETS GO

-ummm nvm pope bb i need you to chill tf out

-what he goings byebyes but theres still 20 minutes left

-brosji why do i love barry so much

-lol i thought kie was gonna kiss him-

-FUCK

-NO KIARA COME ON BABY YOURE BETTER THAN THAT

-sarah get off the boat and go get your girlfriend-

-pope get your fucking hand off of her knee im not goddamn happy with you right now-

-perfect fucking eyebrows im so jealous

-damn its pitch black huh

-follow the north star hoe

-oh noooooo the lights noooo

-the boat has been spotted oh shit

-nice ass sarah-

-they arent gonna make it

-like where do they think they going

-theyre going into the storm

-ok

-sir i am so insanely jealous of your eyebrows

-shut the fuck up ward

-he is a liar youre right sarah

-literally go off john b

-sarah stop talking that was cringe af

-these hoes finna die

-fucking finally ward is getting what he deserves

-omg no

-youre fucking joking

-tell me im wrong

-lost them my ass

-we dont know

-jj is me rn

-this is not ak

-literally not me crying

-wtf is this ending

-i hate it

-kiara nooooooo

-poor babies

-they dont derserve this

-HOLY SHIT JOHN B

-why is his first thought sarah

-thats adorable

-now kiss

-wow they really in the middle of nowhere

-you arent loud enough save your voices

-oh theyve been spotted 

-they cold

-hurry tf up larry

-a gotdamn disaster

-wheres nassu?

-ofc shes cold john

-wait thats it?

-wth

[love--language]

i was tagged by @useyourillusion to do this thank you lovely sending you love 🥰🥰🥰

rules: answer 10 questions, tag 10 people and make another 10 questions.

bella's questions for me:

1. which parent do you look more like?

i look more like my mum!

2. is water wet?

no its not because if you think about it its basically the same concept that air is to us to fish (i know it doesnt make sense but im sleepy and sad 😗✌)

3. what was/is your favourite subject at school?

my fave subject at school was pe and thats because i was genuinely good at it and also my year 12 teacher was really hot 🥺

4. describe your favourite teacher.

my fave teacher was my english teacher and she was like the literal epitomy of a gay, cottagecore disaster and i loved her so much

5. would you rather go without mascara, or without concealer?

id rather go without concealer cos i dont look like a gremlin without it but if im not wearing mascara i look 🤢🤮🤢

6. which season do you think your personality reflects?

i think my personality reflects spring cos like im warm and sunny and i love flowers and im super duper friendly!!

7. how superstitious are you, on a scale of 1-10?

im at 10 im such a superstitious person its not even funny

8. talk about some of your superstitions.

i take a wishbone with me everywhere on friday the 13th (also irrelevant but can we talk about how friday the 13th this year was the last normal day we had before everything happened??), i make sure not to walk in cracks on sidewalks, i run away from black cats and i refuse to ever open my umbrella inside

9. honest opinion of wearing heels?

i have a love hate relationship with them cos they make me look so good and theyre super duper pretty but also i broke my ankle when i went out with my friends and my heels broke and i havent worn high heels since)

10. 60s, 70s, 80s, or 90s fashion? pick one!

60s all the way i absolutely adore all the outfits from that decade i just think id look really good in them :)

my questions for you!! 🥰

what are your hobbies and how did you get into them?

what's your favourite sleeping position?

you have to pick 5 songs to listen to for the rest of your life, which songs are they?

vanilla ice cream or chocolate ice cream?

what's one thing that always makes you smile?

what's your favourite family tradition?

your favourite alcoholic drink? (or your fave non-alcoholic drink if youre underage or dont drink)

would you rather never listen to your favourite song ever again or have to listen to your most hated song for the rest of your life?

what's the superior tik tok sound?

what's your favourite aesthetic?

im tagging @longhaireddeacy @isitstraightvodka @hermajestyborhap @sonic-volcano @deacyblues @queen-paladin @cxpaldi @zyanmaik @lukewedge and anyone else who wants to do this 🥰💓

[sleepless-in-starbucks]

mkay! I’m taking this as a game/challenge now so heheh! reasons you should make it losleepxiety: -theyre *all* disaster sleep schedule gays, and *all* coffee gays. -losleep -okay but just try and tell me sleep-deprived remy, at a coffee shop at 3AM, doesn’t *immediately* start loose-lippedly flirting with the emo and the punk (because we may as well make it punk!logan amirite -okay but IMAGINE sleep deprived virgil walking out of there with both of their numbers and just,,,, Oh My God

Me, still eating popcorn: I am intrigued

[blueiight]

poor yang, in every universe his half assed thoughts accidentally come true⚰️

He had helped them win. He had provided information that changed the course of the battle, for the better. What an odd thought. Was that a betrayal? A betrayal of what?

😢😢😢😢U a servant of the pharaoh alr big bro…

“Read your script and don’t ad-lib,” Bronner said. He shook his head. “You have a unique ability to turn a moment where you come out looking competent into one where you look like a disaster. You should have just smiled and taken whatever promotion he was going to give you.”

was bronner ever into the theater and/or acting , all these times he mentions scripts… im curious. or is he just trolling.

WOLF</3 MY POOR THING…. I like the way his dilemma has been like underpinning sotp…

“How do you put up with me, Leigh?” Mittermeyer asked, almost too quiet to hear.

Yang knew the answer to that question, and it involved carefully stuffing all of his own selfish thoughts down into the deepest recesses of his heart, but he wasn’t going to say that, so he said, “Because you’re my friend,” which was also true.

😢😢😢😢😢😢

Oberstein turned to look at him for the first time, his artificial eyes becoming slightly translucent when the afternoon sun shone through them at the right angle, revealing faint traces of the circuitry beneath. “You should see yourself as others see you.”

I really love every single convo yang has w oberstein so far theyre very thematically poignant wiaw oberstein rn feels like the guy u talk to ina video game just before u unlock ur next level oss idk.. (& the parallel w/ the specter of reuenthal.. “Don’t be. History will not mourn if the line ends with me.”) the idea of ‘ not being meant to be born ‘ informing both oberstein & reuenthal’s fundamental selves n how they go abt it in different ways. and how yang is both endeared to them !! when he rly shouldnt be even if they my bbgs. theyre awful orz

REUENTHAL’S BACK…(side note i gotta look but is he rly the only person who texts using fully proper grammar? it wouldnt hurt to use an emoji or a contraction, my dear oskar)

“Well, I’m glad you’ve suddenly decided to agree with me,” Yang said. “It’s easier to be obscure. It lets me be as lazy as I desire.”

“No,” Reuenthal said, finishing the last of his beer. “I say that because I feel I might get jealous, if too many people saw you for who you really are.”

I just said hes so twisted! aloud and cackled.

AYEEEE LETS GOOOOOOOOOO THEY GETTIN FRISKYYYYYY AT LAST LAWD I BEEN WAITING FOR THIS SINCE SiT CH2!!!

Love love love loooove. kircheis & hilde. theyre actually my children i birthed them.

“Why do you go to the IOA?” Hilde asked. “You’re not like the other students. You’re not even like Oskar.”

Ur not a generic bro (other kids) or malignant homosexual entity (reuenthal).. hes just cute & gay.

“Haven’t you ever walked into a room and seen or heard someone, and thought, ‘That person is just like me,’ for some reason-- maybe you couldn’t even explain it? It is in the other that one recognizes the self. Anyway, those same things that you and I might see-- other people hate them.”

i rlyrlyrlyRLY love this. dumb fujo drafting up a wiaw queerness & seditious elements of/in empire thesis.

“Congratulations.” She raised her glass. “To joining the elite ranks of the deviants.”⚰️⚰️⚰️⚰️⚰️⚰️⚰️

Wiaw yang is no longer a virgin!! first major canon divergence/jkjk

magdalena is like just let him be jealous & crazy over u!!! its fun. Gosh like live a lil ‘Hank’.. everybody needs a toxic romance in their lives.. maggie downgrading from closeted lesbian relationship to one sided crush on a straight woman… How far the mighty Have fallen💔💔💔💔ur ex gf in a cult now u chasing str8 girls n praying ur mutual beard gets in a polycule

“It’s a useful skill, even if it is womanish.”

Yang rolled his eyes. “Seriously?”

Reuenthal shrugged. “If one learns to cook, one hardly needs a wife for anything.” honestly this is kinda giving internalized misogyny

OH MY GOD HES FUMINGGG. BITCH DONT BE MEAN TO YANG!!! OR MITT! OMG THE FAIL BACHELOR PARTY AND MITT WALKING IN TO. TO.. 💔💔💔💔

AND THEN. HE SHOWED UP IN SUCH DRAMATIC FASHION… as we expected… we talk about yang being trapped by genre/s but also reuenthal… truly a shoujo 70s psychosexual manga mc trapped in a milsf polidrama piece

“He doesn’t get along with about half the people in the world.” is the funniest way to phrase misogyny

miss bronner is back and hes trolling kircheis… the goodest boy in space…

“Oh, whenever I’m having a bad day and need to amuse myself, I read through all of Leigh’s messages.” many people do this to me too… This is a s/o to the Commodore Bronner’s of the Blueiight page💜u will never be Her. and i will never be yang.

I have to take a smoke break before i get into wittktbw….2020 blueiight speaking w/ 2023 blueiight

and we continue forward.. another turn of history’s page or wdf the narrator be saying

[gemsofthegalaxy]

Juno Steel and Second Citadel separately for the ask game thing

TuT Thank you for sending this in, it was very fun and actually made me think hard a few times LOL. 

Juno Steel 

(pls note that the favourite character questions are, like, enforcing a sex binary which is kinda uncool. just know Juno is my fav character but he is nonbinary so the questions dont apply) 

my favorite female character -  RITA!!!!!! I love Rita so much. 

my favorite male character - Peter Nureyev, naturally. 

my favorite book/season/etc - I think season 1, Juno was a disaster but I miss his POV and Season 2 was really good but Peter wasn’t around? Idk. Maybe it is season 2 tho because season 2 was really good. Damn.  

my favorite episode (if its a tv show) - Oh God I don’t know the names of any eps umm........ hmm.... The last episode of season 1 even tho it broke my heart? OR the last episode of season 2, like, when Rita was saving everyone and Juno couldn’t remember her name- it also broke my heart but I loveeddddd how much it meant for Juno’s relationship with Rita (and also had Nureyev striking that fucking pose on the Ruby 7 which made it all worth it) 

my favorite cast member - this is hard. I gotta say Juno’s VA though because I fucking love Juno and he’s really talented okay 

my favorite ship - Jupeter ffhh is that even a question 

a character I’d die defending - I’m prob gonna have to die defending NUREYEV the punk ass bitch. but I love him so. 

a character I just can’t sympathize with - i was about to be like “none theyre all great” but then I remembered RAMSES that BITCH. i mean on the one hand, I come close to sympathizing because i understand where he comes from but the VIOLATIONS of Juno’s autonomy and trust are just too egregious. 

a character I grew to love - Vespa. I was like in love with her bc of Buddy and then we met her and i was like Hmmmmm but then i was like actually i love her again, during her ep 

my notp - Uhhhhhh I really don’t know? There’s no ship that I’ve come across that i was like “fuck no”, i mean, im sure there’s possibilities of terrible ships but I’ve not come across them. 

Second Citadel

how about we do that thing where you give me a show/movie/fandom and I’ll tell you:

my favorite female character - Rilla. I loveeeeee Rillaaaaaaaaaaaa. 

my favorite male character - Damien :hearteyes: 

my favorite book/season/etc - Um season 2 because there were only like 2 eps in Season 1, and they didn’t feature Damien or Rilla. i havent caught up with s3 yet sghkjk

my favorite episode (if its a tv show) - hhhhhh. Um. The first one where we are introduced to Damien and Rilla, and Damien meets Arum. and also the part of the finale that was centered on Damien exclusively. Shout Out to whatever episode it is that Rilla’s on Monster Trial and she’s like “I accidentally fell in love with your Weapons Creator who is a Lizard and I would like to Kiss His Mouth” 

my favorite cast member - Um.... I don’t know? They’re all very good actors. 

my favorite ship - Damien/Rilla/Arum but I would die for Quanyii and Caroline 

a character I’d die defending - I don’t know why I’d need to, but, Damien. 

a character I just can’t sympathize with - hm............ Queen Mirra? Like, the Second Citadel has some REALLY fucked up ideologies and I’m sure they pre-date her, but, well, she’s obviously inherently complacent in that at best and she could be doing a Lot more to, yknow, have the Citadel be a less hostile place for, uh, Gays. and also monsters, though, I wouldn’t hold my breath on that much. 

a character I grew to love - HMM. Okay, so, on the One Hand, I’d say I loved Caroline instantly but she TESTS ME EVERY DAY, so I’m just gonna talk about her for a second. especially when it comes to Rilla, Caroline makes me Mad. I am still pissed off at how she just........ forced Rilla to walk on a broken leg for days and showed her so little sympathy for, like, no reason!! “oh you’re a traitor to the crown” like whatever, that’s not even close to a good enough excuse for how she acted towards Rilla. She’s also a huge hypocrite. But still, I loved her as soon as we met her and I still do.   

my notp - I haven’t really seen many things being shipped for this, either, tbh. I have been avoiding the tags because I’m still not caught up, lol. So as of now I have none!

Ask game post 

[normal-thoughts-official]

Ok hmmmm fake dating art school au with Malec, Claia, Lukemaryse and (platonic, obviously) garrowbane where hmmm magnus is with an ex at the start and tries setting up Luke with people

well this got really cracky really fast

okay so im gonna go ahead and say that i have no idea how art school works in the US so for the sake of My Convenience™ imma go with the way it is in Brazil, which is "there are numerous kinds of arts going on in the same institute/college"

so im thinking..... clary obviously is doing visual arts, painting, whatever its called (this is probably where i should warn you that i know nothing about visual arts). maia is not really an arts major, but she's doing a course on technical/scientific drawing since shes a biology major and that's useful for her field studies. magnus is on the same course, except hes like an engineering major really. im a slut for inventor Magnus so yeah he wants to be an engineer to develop new kinds of technology so technical drawing is important for him. meliorn (watch me slip meliorn in literally everything i can) is a theatre major, and Luke and Maryse r both studying music

Luke and Maryse r older and like idk how common that is in the US but here in Brazil some ppl (spec retired ppl) come back to college to study something they have Always Wanted To but that wouldnt bring them money. i know that the whole "no free college" thing makes that harder but they can be post-graduates i guess. or Luke is and maryse is a regular major but shes a super rich hotshot lawyer who after the divorce decided to be less stuck up and dedicate herself to things she enjoys, and since shes rich, she has the money to do a major or a music course just for fun

anyway! Magnus is the kind of guy whos friends with everyone from all ages and courses. he quickly becomes friends with maia (shes on his course after all) and meliorn (who is a theatre major but takes classes in everything they can because.... they can)

i just realized maia/meliorn has a LOT of brotp potential but ok anyway

magnus and maia bond greatly over their shared interests (yeah shes a biologist and hes an engineer but magnus' interests vary a lot and also hes a fan of biochemistry. they also have relatively similar life stories and a similar sense of humor, even if maia is sharper at the edges - which is something Magnus likes, really. she's fierce and fun and unafraid and he wishes he were more like her sometimes. they have a mutual admiration and kind of protection pact). meliorn on the other hand is kind of the local queer cryptid in a way, which of course means magnus immediately befriends him, and Maia is just delighted at how much of a trickster they are. magnus also likes meliorn a lot because they're so... chill and easy and unbothered by social conventions to the point of being nearly unaware, which makes Magnus feel so comfortable. and meliorn thinks Magnus is interesting, and they all get along.

maia kind of brings luke into the group. luke is kind of maia's adoptive uncle. she lives alone but once she ran away from home luke was super nice and helpful and also one of the ppl who most encouraged her to go after her major like she wanted

luke and maia are clearly close and have each other's backs, but they also tease each other a lot. so when one day luke teases maia over her crush on clary, she retaliates by looking DIRECTLY at meliorn and being like "he's just jealous. did you ppl know he hasnt been on a single date in years" and meliorn, who thrives on the chaos, is like "oooh we should set him up" and magnus of course jumps at the opportunity

so the three of them keep trying to set ppl up with luke, and it just ...... never works. like doesnt come even close to working. its kind of a disaster actually. its awkward, it never clicks, and at this point luke is begging them to stop but you know thats not gonna happen. so as a last resort, luke lies that he's dating a woman from class. cue him asking maryse, whom hes never talked to in his life but is the only eligible woman his age at class, to like, please do him a solid. and maryse is just so shocked by this random (but handsome) man's life, shes like. lmao sure. look shes a post-divorce woman she wants to be free and cease giving fucks

and maryse kind of has fun pretending to date luke, but she's a busy woman and she doesnt hang out with them often, and they are like [BANGING POTS AND PANS] WE WANT TO ACTUALLY MEET HER

and luke is all like "well maybe if all of yall singles got dates we could have a date together otherwise get out" so maia asks clary out purely out of spite and turns out it works, but Magnus and Meliorn are like "uuuuhhhhh,,,,,,," so meliorn is like "what if we pretend to be together lmao" and Magnus is like shit we're gonna do that aren't we

i know its not exactly Magnus having an ex but look im struggling to put all of this together okay udhdhdbd also im not big on the whole "breaking up because of someone else" trope ya feel

god this is just the setup for malec to meet, im,,,, a mess

so anyway Magnus and Meliorn are determined to totally sell this to luke (maia knows its a scam of course, she can smell bullshit from miles away). and luke and maryse are also totally determined to sell this cuz everyone is an idiot. so they keep having, like,,,,, dates together, until eventually they kind of become a solid group of friends. they all welcome maryse and are really impressed by how critical she is of her pre-divorce self and how it did wonders for her, they think shes really strong. she even shares about how she struggled with her son being gay and her daughter deciding to become a forensic pathologist instead of a lawyer like her, you know. in short they all become good friends

so now everyone (but maia and clary who are happy and drama free and laughing their butts off at Magnus and Meliorn) is in a difficult situation because now theyre all friends! what are they gonna do, confess it was a scam all along? pretend to break up and make the whole thing awkward? they're trapped in their fake dating and it looks like they're just gonna have to, like ... deal with it

and in luke and maryse's situation it's even more complicated because they are kind of getting into each other, and theyre like groaning because theyre grown ass adults they shouldn't be living this trope. and yet

anyway as they become closer they start going to maryse's (shes the only one with a large enough place) and that's when Magnus meets Alec and meliorn meets izzy

which,,,,, despair

because they had been doing a great job of fake dating so far, excuse you, they are partners in crime. they're a well oiled lying machine and they work together flawlessly. magnus is not even a good liar but shit if meliorn didnt teach him every trick on how to not technically lie, and also they are very close and the kind of ppl who are comfortable with sharing affection, so yeah they drape their arms on each others shoulders and hold hands and kiss each others cheeks NO PROBLEM but now theyre both interested in someone else

hell, theyre both interested in maryse's kids

fuck

shit

goddamn

meliorn is all like "i told you we should have pretended to have an open relationship" and Magnus is like luke KNOWS im monogamous he would KNOW we're lying and meliorn is like FUCK and maia and clary are losing their shits

meanwhile luke and maryse are becoming more and more domestic and oblivious to the world. they will b like "you kids put the movie on, we'll make dinner" and be all like fluffy asshole

izzy quickly picks up that its a scheme cuz shes smart, and flirts with meliorn when maryse isnt around, while Alec is like SHIT dude i cant believe ur into a TAKEN MAN what the fuck kind of sad gay stereotype r u

but their pull is like,,, stronk and they frequently find themselves getting lost in their own little world and lowkey flirting and just being a liiiiil too close (especially in alecs case since hes like ..... stoic extraordinaire) and then theyre like AH SHIT WAIT and they jump and pretend nothings happening

and look, izzy would tell Alec about the scam, but she's, como se dice...... having way too much fun at his expense. she and meliorn start dating on like day 1 and make a pact to see how long they can keep the act up and enjoy the show

maia and clary have eaten their combined weight in popcorn by this point

the intrigue. the chaos. the misunderstandings

it gets more and more ridiculous as time goes by but Magnus is still determined to yknow keep the act up and not expose his and meliorn's lies

they just,,,,,,, live like this

it lasts for so long

like ..... months of ridiculousness

and alec is suffering because hes into a taken man whos obviously very in love with his partner and he feels guilty and all of that shit

and magnus just.... doesnt know what to do with his predicament. look he has anxiety this was a bad idea how is he gonna walk up to Alec and b like "hey so I'm not really dating meliorn it was all a scam so we could spy on luke and ur mom but it went too far" and the more time passes the more awkward it gets

the dam probably breaks when magnus finds meliorn and izzy on a date on accident, and hes like rjrhrjrjdnc SO THEY KNOW???? and meliorn is like nah only izzy knows we wanted to see how long itd take for u and alec to get ur shit together. and magnus is like oh my god and meliorn is like "in my defense i didnt think it would take literal months!!!!!! and then it started to feel awkward to just tell you to go for it"

so magnus is like FINE i guess i will TELL ALEC and ask him if he wants to DATE ME IN SECRET so we can keep NOT HAVING TO CONFESS WE LIED TO HIS MOM

and then i guess he tells Alec???? and he still isnt sure whether or not Alec likes him so he isnt planning to ask him out immediately afterwards, just, you know, let him in on the secret, and Alec is like "dude my mom is lying too" and Magnus is like what she and luke are like married

anyway knowing about that gives them full permission to come out as lying bitches so they're like "how dare you lie to us like this.. but also we did the same thing"

eventually luke actually asks maryse out

i dont even know whats happening anymore god im done

this is your fault anon

if anyone wants to actually write this, feel free rjrhdjdn honestly id read it