#they're helping me develop scenes and relationships in such a fun way

[tyrrible-twos]

Jayce shares a well-kept apartment just off campus with two of his closest friends, Caitlyn and Mel. It’s a far cry from the Zaunites’ place—cleaner, quieter, maybe a little too polished at times thanks to Mel's influence—but it’s home. The three of them ended up together mostly by circumstance, but at some point, they stopped feeling like just roommates and started feeling like family.

Caitlyn has been in Jayce’s life for as long as he can remember. Their families have been tied together for years—her parents’ investments helped keep Talis Stringworks running, and in return, the Kirammans have always had access to the best instruments money can buy. That arrangement extended to Caitlyn’s education, too; her family is the reason Jayce can even afford to go to school, something she waves off every time he brings it up. He pays her back in small ways, maintaining her violin for her while they sit around talking about nothing, falling into the same easy rhythm they always have. Caitlyn is sharp, steady, and has always been in Jayce’s corner. She was the first person he told when he first questioned his sexuality, and she just rolled her eyes and said, “Yeah, I know. You didn't know?”

Mel is their other roommate, though calling her that feels weird—she’s too vital to just be a third name on the lease. She’s a fine arts major, mostly oil painting, though she dabbles in everything. Her mother, Ambessa, wanted her to go into politics, but Mel chose passion over practicality, throwing herself into her work with the kind of self-assurance that makes it impossible to imagine her doing anything else. She and Jayce had a fling once, back when he was nude modeling for the art department to make some extra cash. It was fun, and the sex was great, but they weren’t in love, so they called it for what it was and stayed friends. Now, she loves to torment him in the way only a best friend can—specifically by keeping a few paintings from his nude modeling days and conveniently leaving them out whenever she knows guests are coming over, just to watch him blush and stutter.

The truth is, Jayce has always had the strongest women in his life. Caitlyn, who has never let him feel alone for a second. Mel, who has always seen him for who he is and never let him run from it. His mother, who taught him the value of hard work and how to be proud of the things he builds with his own hands. Every step of the way, the women around him have been his foundation, the people he trusts the most, the ones who hold him up when he starts to doubt himself.

Between the three of them, the apartment is full of music, the scent of oil paint, and the kind of friendship that makes everything else a little easier.

[sunshine-jesse]

In defense of Andrew Graves: Facing Yourself​

Alt title: Andrew Graves: The Will to Plow Her

I think my analysis of Andrew is one of the best essays I've written so far. But since then, I think I've expanded my understanding of his character in a way that urges me to add on to my prior essay. What I intend on doing is further fleshing out my reading of Burial, and going deeper in detail on why I think Decay ends up panning out the way it does. This essay will end up sharing a lot of text with my prior one, but will add enough scattered throughout that I think it merits a complete reread instead of just scrolling down and seeing what's new.

I've focused a lot on Ashley in my past writings. She's my favorite character in the story (and depending on how episode 3 pans out, maybe ever) and I'm pretty mortified by how some parts of the fandom have reacted towards her, so I pretty much made it my life's mission to push back against that. From highlighting the ways Andrew mistreats her, to coming up with justifications for her behavior that aren't just being a manipulative bitch, I really wanted to prove that a more favorable picture of her could be painted than most were willing to.

But in doing so, I've left Andrew in the dust.

In highlighting his flaws and the ways he mistreats Ashley, I think I've implied a level of intentionality to his actions that I don't believe he has. When I say that Ashley did nothing wrong, it's in direct response to the idea that she holds the most responsibility and agency in how their dynamic plays out, when in reality, I believe she has very little. Most of her actions in-story are in reaction to a variety of stimuli that come directly from Andrew, that he has control over and are aware of how Ashley feels about. His refusal to use clear and direct language to deny her most toxic tendencies causes her more and more stress as time goes on, and instead of giving her clear answers he opts to be catty, passive-aggressive, or, at his worst, threatening. Never direct and never clear, except when establishing boundaries over his name after the choking scene. Andrew fails to help Ashley be better in some frankly depressing ways throughout the whole story, especially in their childhoods, so we never get to see where she'd fall short if given a better influence.

...

Kind of. More on that later!

In mentioning his thing about preferring to be called Andrew instead of Andy, I also implicitly mention one of the places where Ashley falls short in their dynamic and could stand to do better: recognition.

This scene says a lot. It's the most heartbreaking scene in the game, if you ask me, and probably the single most profound and well-written moment in the entire story. I could write a whole 2000 word essay on it alone, but I've already said most of what I have to say about it through what I've said in other essays, so I'll spare you all that. Instead, I'll use it to highlight something:

"I had fun."

Their dysfunction is fun to her. She's so used to abuse and alienation that even the most awful, stressful (as far as we know) route of the game is still fun to her. And that's not a sign of her being a secret evil sociopath or whatever; that's actually not abnormal behavior to develop for a lifelong victim of abuse. Those highs and lows, those strong emotional highs and lows are -addicting-. They're -fun.- Part of why abuse victims get into so many abusive relationships is because it's easy to pick up on those patterns of thought and take advantage of them, and the cycle of abuse is often furthered when a victim of abuse tries to draw out mutually abusive behaviors in someone with no interest in having that kind of dynamic.

This is where I'm willing to acknowledge Ashley's manipulative tendencies. Not just as a matter of controlling Andrew for its own sake, purely out of jealousy or possessiveness, but as a matter of trying to further the only dynamic she's ever known in her life. Better the devil you know, right?

That push and pull- that emotional rollercoaster- is all many of us know. And it's all Ashley knows. This dynamic is something she's so used to that she reacts incredibly harshly to any attempt to change it, because she doesn't know that things can be better. Because of this, she refuses to engage with who Andrew really is, and tells herself- and him- that she *hates* Andrew:

This scene is almost as heartbreaking as the above one in a lot of ways.

Andrew putting his foot down about the Andy/Andrew name dichotomy wasn't arbitrary and it wasn't just about his comfort. It was about Andrew giving a clear indication about what needs to happen for their relationship to improve. He's recognizing the cycle between them and wants to put a stop to it, because he's confident that things between them CAN get better and evolve into something healthier. Ashley, not understanding that their dynamic can get better, because their "fun" little push and pull of abuse is all she knows, rejects that. She rejects the unknown, and says- in Andrew's mind at least- that she'll never accept that new dynamic, nor will she accept who he really is.

Ouch. No wonder he looks so sad in that screenshot.

They have a conflict of understanding here, and I think it's fair to pin most of the responsibility on Ashley. Andrew was clear in what he wanted, and Ashley just... Didn't. She didn't see the importance of it ("...whatever that means in practice") and didn't really ask. This gap in communication, perfectly displayed in this scene, is likely what causes the Decay ending. He wants things to be better, and wants to treat Ashley better, and whether or not he understands the ways in which she communicates with him is in part what determines what he sees her as.

But there's a lot of evidence that he always wanted things to be better, that he always wanted to treat her better. But external factors have made it very, very difficult, and I think there are two key points in which he started to shed the importance of those external factors and seek that better relationship, both of which happening in the apartment: The killing of the warden and the 302 lady. In the first case, he was forced to do it to protect Ashley in a way he hadn't done before, or depending on how you look at it, since the death of Nina. But the intentionality was the key point here. After this point, he calls Ashley Leyley, which may or may not seem important at this point, but it's something I'll draw attention to later, so keep that in mind.

Next is the killing of the 302 lady, which is the much, much bigger point. We don't learn much about it until later on- as at first he just gives an excuse about the nail gun that doesn't line up with what we see on the map- but during the dream, it's revealed it was a calculated, intentional killing that he did to make sure there was no evidence left behind, and because Ashley (supposedly) would've wanted him to do it anyway. I say supposedly because Ashley herself doesn't seem to ever want Andrew to kill for her past Nina's death, because he only ever kills for her to defend one or both of them. If you want more evidence that violence for violence's sake isn't something she wants, look at this part in the final dream:

A knife isn't what opens the door, despite it being placed on the ground in that very map. While it seems obvious that the knife (violence) would be the key to solving the puzzle, it's put there explicitly to show you that it isn't. It's not what she wants; what she wants is a flower.

So, why is this important? Why am I centering Ashley- again- when this essay is supposed to be about Andrew?

It's because these two killings are when Andrew's self-delusion over who he really is starts to break down. It's still there, mind, as he still relies upon Ashley as an excuse to justify it, but, as well as what I've said before, the name ultimatum is an implicit confession that the normalcy he finds comfort in is starting to lose its grasp on him. There's a lot that's been said about Andy being something close to a "moral impulse" for Andrew, given his child self's reaction to Nina's death being the only thing he does that approximates a normal moral response to his and Ashley's actions, but if you do think that- which I think is a reasonable thing to think even if I don't necessarily agree- there's something you must also keep in mind:

-He- is the one who doesn't want to be called that anymore. -He- is the one who wants to let that moral impulse go, and Ashley is the one making it difficult.

That reading is assuming that Andy is a moral impulse, which I think is... either wrong or too simplistic. Every time I see that reading, it's from someone who's trying to paint him too sympathetically and absolve him of most moral responsibility. I also find it infantilizing to equate morality with childhood in such a way? But that's another tangent that I didn't sign up to talk about. What I do think, however, is that it's a useful framing device to display his own relationship with morality; the allegory to his child self doesn't have to be there for the general pattern to exist.

When Ashley starts to grill Andrew over the killing of the 302 lady, he gets mad. Very mad. Ashley sees it as pointless, as him covering his own ass, but he genuinely did it for her sake, because he thought that's what she wanted, and that it'd make her happy. But what makes her happy isn't violence- or any similarly extreme action for that matter- it's attention and validation. Something he's always reluctant to give her, despite the fact that he always chose her over the alternatives. But despite making that choice, it's always empty and meaningless, because in Ashley's mind, he never did it for her sake.

And hoo boy, does he not like it being framed like this.

He is perfectly willing to do whatever it takes to keep them happy and safe... but only for her sake. It has to be for her sake. He still needs that traditional role, and he still needs to have a narrative in which he's the good guy- a protector. Because it can't be for his sake. It can't be because that's what he wants. He has to uphold that romantic (in the literary tradition sense) ideal. His darkly romantic idealistic streak colors many of his actions and beliefs. This is most plainly visible in his quip about a double suicide being romantic, but it's also visible within the symbolism present within his dream, such as how he can only pave his own path in blood unless Ashley lights the way. It's visible within his appreciation for poetry, and it's visible with how the cultist within the dream speaks in Shakespearean English.

But the transient nature of this ideal is also revealed within this dream, because there's never a cohesive, guided path, even with Ashley there to light it up. Contrary to Ashley's dream, where you literally have maps showing you where to go, Andrew's dream has many more dead ends and no map to guide him. The symbolic role he acts out gives him no clarity, and there's no overarching narrative; merely a bunch of disconnected symbols.

This is contrasted with Ashley's dream, which has narratives so clear that the story literally gives the dream an episode title.

In a sense, he wants to view himself as an actor acting out a role in a story. He wants his life to be poetic, to represent something greater, and to have a cohesive narrative. This is why he's so disconnected from his true desires: He's more concerned with acting as a representative of an ideal than a person with agency. But every time the mask drops, every time he stops acting, his true self becomes visible. He naturally settles into being comfortable around Ashley, in treating her with warmth and kindness, and their banter becomes much less toxic. As intent as he is on acting out his role, it does nothing for him, and as his dream sequence shows, it doesn't even form a cohesive narrative, because he can't act one out. It's too contrary to who he really is, and what he really wants. But that idealization doesn't just apply to himself, it also applies to Ashley. Specifically, who Ashley is, vs who he wants her to be.

In his unique dream sequence, he sees two versions of Ashley; the child version of her- Leyley- and the adult version of her- Ashley. And the differences in the ways he interacts with the two of them are stunning. Leyley is an obstinate, annoying child. She's the one he NEEDS to take care of, and he hates that. He hates Leyley for what she did for his childhood. He hates that he needs to provide for her. He has the option of trying to kill her, even, over something as small as a candle!

But in the room with all the murders, the gilded cage, he sees Ashley as an adult. This version of Ashley is stuck in a closet that he himself has to open- and to choose to see. Their interactions are calm and friendly. She teases him a bit, sure, but she's still helpful, and they have fun together. He doesn't need her, and she doesn't need him. He needed Leyley- needed the candle- but here, there are other limbs strewn about for him to take. And, crucially, he doesn't even have the option to kill this Ashley for one of the limbs.

And during the choking scene, he lets her go the moment she acknowledges that he doesn't need her anymore. This is the first time we know of that he seems comfortable enough to set a clear boundary, which is acknowledging that their prior dynamic is dead and that they're now Andrew and Ashley, not Andy and Leyley. It's a bit late to express a clear boundary -after- literally acting like he was going to kill someone, but it's the first time we know of that he sets a clear standard for what, in his mind, would improve his relationship with Ashley.

After all, what he wants is to want her, not need her. He wants Ashley for Ashley's sake. Not for what she can provide him. He doesn't even need her for sleep, he just wants her. But Ashley has trouble acknowledging this, because he's never before shown that WANT. Only a NEED. She keeps trying to find ways to make him need her, because she's never seen what his desire for her is really like. She's only ever seen him desiring someone else, someone other than her.

She's only ever seen him as Andy, because she's never truly seen Andrew, only the violence he can inflict on others. But Andrew can see both:

He can see Leyley, the needy, bratty child who always needs his attention, that he needs to provide for. The one he hates and wants to get rid of. The one he kills for to protect.

And he can see Ashley, the one who engages in friendly and cute banter with him. Who comforts and shows him physical affection. The one he loves. The one he kills for to make happy.

He just can't choose which one he wants to see. Every outside influence- from his parents, to Julia, to Nina- makes him see her as Leyley. Ashley herself makes him see her as Leyley too, whenever she brings up all the things he did for her, and calls him Andy, his child self, instead of Andrew, his current self. And as long as he sees that child, he feels like one too, and can never give Ashley anything that comes from the heart.

But he really, really wants to see Ashley as an adult. He wants to take pride in her, how much she's grown, and how driven and competent she really is.

But god damn, does that bitch ever make it hard, because there IS no real difference between Ashley and Leyley. She's grown and changed over time, taking more adult (and stereotypically feminine) responsibility upon herself, but the fact that her temperament and personality hasn't changed much obfuscates that growth. When you talk to Ashley in the closet during the dream after getting the limb, Andrew asks Ashley to come out of the closet, but she refuses to come out because he won't invite Leyley over to play, which is a pretty strong metaphor for how he interfaces with different aspects of Ashley's personality and refuses to accept others. But the reality is that he needs to accept both, or rather, see her whole self as Ashley, rather than just the parts he likes.

In the end, it's him who has to make the choice how to see her. Ashley can only see what she's been shown, but Andrew can choose.

And in the basement scene, he makes that choice.

If Ashley refuses to leave him alone with their parents, that's it. In one of the most critical and important moments of his life, she couldn't give him the space needed to make up his own mind. She couldn't treat him as an adult. She couldn't see him as Andrew. If she does give him that choice, she chooses to acknowledge that Andrew is an adult who can be trusted to make his own decisions, even though she (perhaps foolishly) believes that this choice lines up with her own interests. And frankly it does either way, but in accepting their mom's offer, her chooses to see her as Leyley once and for all. He chooses not to reciprocate what Ashley showed him. He does it because he needs to, not because he wants to. Because it's his duty, not his desire.

This is what results in the Decay ending. Through his inability to see Ashley as an adult, he surrenders his agency and views all of his actions as an extension of his responsibilities, his role, which he no longer wishes to uphold. He dissociates fully from who he really is, acting in accordance with that disconnected, barely-cohesive narrative that exists only within his mind. The game starts to resemble the heartwrenching tragedy that many seem to take for granted that it is, as their dynamic fully doubles down on its painful toxicity. And, in an example of a poetic book end, Ashley's dream shows a double suicide, closing the book on their tragic tale.

It's tragic. It's heartwrenching. It's poetic. It's beautiful.

...Except it's not. Not at all.

It's actually fucking stupid, pointless, and brutal, and Burial shows us that. When we view their spiral as beautiful, we project the same darkly romantic ideal that Andrew possesses onto the story.

But the actual reality is horrifying.

Ashley spends most of Decay terrified of Andrew, the one person she found comfort in. He acts cold, distant, and aggressive towards her, showing pointless cruelty instead of any warmth. All she wants is comfort; all she wants is to not die. She doesn't want to engage in this death spiral at all, and, in her dream sequence, shows none of the same willingness to die alongside Andrew that Andrew does with her. The moment we stop focusing on the end of the Decay dream sequence, which has very striking imagery, and if you choose not to shoot, one of the most beautiful scenes in the game, we can see it for what it really is:

A scared animal running away from a predator.

The moment you see Decay through Ashley's eyes, and not the perspective of some romantic ideal, Decay becomes terrifying, tense, and painful. There is no catharsis to be had in this tragedy. It's easily avoidable as long as Andrew chooses to engage with reality, and not the empty promises of his mother and incoherent narrative of his ideal.

Finding beauty and meaning in tragedy is how we cope with the harshness of reality. But there is no coherent narrative to the tragedies we experience, just like there's no coherent narrative to the ideal Andrew wishes to uphold. It's something we create- that he creates- but it's not something that actually exists.

And when Andrew casts aside his desire for that ideal, and the responsibilities it shackles him to, it grants him clarity that he never had before. He sees the world for how it really is, and acknowledges that nobody- the least of which their mother- is as different from Ashley as they pretend to be.

They're no better than her, and he's tired of people pretending that they are. People are all the same, no matter what ideals they try to uphold and represent. They still sacrifice others in the name of advancing themselves, still punch down whenever they can, and still lay blame on those beneath them rather than try to take control of their lives. They just use those ideals to justify themselves, but Ashley, and now Andrew, reject even the need for that justification.

This is why I believe the story is nihilistic. Not in that it asserts the inherent meaninglessness of life, but in that it grapples with the ideals we uphold and how they obfuscate the reality of the world we live in. The story, intentionally or not, highlights how ideals are often but a pretense we use to justify what we were likely going to do regardless, and how holding to them too strongly can lead to our ruin- and how monstrous they make us look to those who do not share them.

Consequently, this is how I view the part of the fanbase who thinks Decay is a good ending.

(the characters themselves represent existentialism rather than nihilism but i couldn't really fit that analysis in here without it feeling forced so i might cover that another time)

From that point on, their relationship becomes a lot more friendly, lighthearted, and playful. They ironically start acting more like children, but to quote CS Lewis:

"Critics who treat adult as a term of approval, instead of as a merely descriptive term, cannot be adult themselves. To be concerned about being grown up, to admire the grown up because it is grown up, to blush at the suspicion of being childish; these things are the marks of childhood and adolescence."

He's not ashamed of being playful with Ashley, or showing affection towards her. He's grown up. He finally sees her, and himself, as an adult- although he still doesn't show that in full until much later on (more or that later). But in Decay, he still sees her as a child, and to an extent, probably himself. Let's compare the ways in which he reacts to being called Andy. In Decay, he lashes out at Ashley and gets angry, even threatening her. But in Questionable Burial, he calmly says that Andy is dead and doesn't need Ashley's comfort, but still tries to reassure her that she's still needed. He's not ashamed of or hostile towards their prior dynamic, because he's grown past it. He still acknowledges Ashley's need to feel needed, but here, he recognizes its importance to her, whereas he was hostile towards it before.

It's a display of respect towards her feelings.

This interaction doesn't happen in the Sane ending, however. He doesn't play games with her and is just a lot less fun to be around all together. Why is that? Because he still hasn't yet shaken viewing Ashley as Leyley there. He still views her as a burden, as someone who needs taking care of. He's calmly accepted that, too, mind you, but he lacks respect for her because she's still a child, in his mind. But in Questionable?

The vision did more than just make him extremely embarrassed and lay his deepest desires bare. It forced him to recognize Ashley as an adult. When choosing between "Never" and "Never say never," if Never is chosen, the burden of thought is lifted off of him. But if Ashley chooses "Never say never!", he has to reckon with the fact that Ashley is an adult, someone who can consent to those kinds of things. Someone who MIGHT. Someone who has agency, and can make her own decisions. And more importantly… someone who can trust him to make his own.

Whether he desires sex or not is secondary; he's always had those feelings and has always been ashamed of them. But now that the part of him where that shame came from is dead and buried, there's no childish impulse to grow up. There's no attachment to the hate and bitterness he had before. Look at what he worries about when he picks up that she's uncertain or confused about who he is now:

​

It's her feelings.

He wants to be fun to be around. He wants to make Ashley happy. He loves her, and not as a romantic interest or even as a sibling. He loves her independent of all that baggage.

He loves her as a person.

Their relationship runs contrary to societal ideals in some pretty huge ways. So contrary, in fact, that it's hard for some to accept it as anything good, that it can ever be best for the people involved. It's incestuous. It involves them killing and eating their parents. It involves them distancing themselves so much from society that it's hard to believe they'll ever fit in it again. It's chaotic, it's messy, it's codependent, and maybe even toxic. And yet, here they are. They're coexisting. They're happy. They're healing. They're navigating the world in the only way they can: together.

Meanwhile, in Decay, Andrew refuses to allow himself to get closer to Ashley. He surrenders all agency to her, buys into his own narrative, drinks his own Kool-Aid, and may or may not condemn one or both of them to death in the process. Like it or not, the only path where Andrew takes ownership of his life is the one where he's closest to his sister. It's the one where he decides where they will go next, the one where he decides his own feelings matter, and acts in accordance with what he wants instead of how he thinks he should act.

His agency, his freedom, and his growth don't happen in spite of his codependency; they're happen because of it. They can't grow alone. They can't heal alone.

In reading the story, one must interrogate how important those societal ideals are in the face of the realities of what makes people happy. Are those ideals worth upholding in spite of this? Can we really allow people to fall through the cracks in the name of social norms? Can we blame people for taking rash actions when the social contract has failed them?

Or are we so blinded by those ideals that we can't see that people can be happy while blatantly disregarding them?

All I know is that in Burial, Andrew, having cast aside normalcy, now appears to be truly happy for the first time in his life.

Who are we to take that from him?

[marauderonthepirateship]

soooo as you might've noticed I've watched ep 5 and 6 of hazbin hotel and i'm

SO HYPED ABOUT IT

and I have so much to say so I should do it here, obviously

with spoilers, obviously

I just adore lucifer and his relationship with charlie and the way they are getting closer during the episode and how charlie is literally dad's daughter and their song is absolutely adorable

alastor and lucifer's duo is iconic as hell(haha)

AND of course this little fun fact of alastor also being on someone's leash that's great and I love how there are more and more mysteries coming out

despite the fact that alastor's confrontation with lucifer about charlie's father figure is most likely manipulation from alastor I hope we see more, you know, human qualities of alastor and learn more about him

I mean we've got this man swore so I don't think it's a big deal now

and also we now know these are the ears, clap clap

despite my sympathy for alastor though... PLEASE NOT HUSK damn alastor got him shaking, poor cat man:(

i love how after ep4 huskerdust are doing this little things like sharing popcorn and giving each other soft looks and stuff that's really good for them and I'm glad they're taking this slow

AND EP 6 OMG

let's just say I'm happy to see that neither all demons or all angels are dicks

and YASSS I adore character development and the way hotel's crew become a family for each other

like the way they try to protect each other in ep5 during the attack or them just having nice time together, you know

also I loved this tiny detail that now, in ep6 angel now is able to openly tell about how hard was his day and have a rest not being afraid of looking weak/not always sexy as fuck AND omg these scene in a club where angel stands up against valen(pls die)tino and calls hotel's crew his friends got me emotional. boy made big progress

and as huskerdust fan I can't help but love the way husker helps angel make right delicious and supports him (these bitches gay, good for them)

i'm excited about feb 2 and upcoming episodes

[showsandstuff]

Am I the only one who is disappointed with Caitvi in season two? When I watched the first season I had the biggest caitvi brain rot because they actually gave me SUCH a fun dynamic with them. Buddy cop Caitvi was hilarious, I loved that so so much!

And season 2 started of strong imo but then it rushed through everything. I loved the scene in the cell, obviously, but it was misplaced. Your sister is about to kill herself girl what are you doing this is not the time!! And other than romantic and sexual tension there wasn't all that much left of their previous dynamic aside from the brief scene in episode six...

Idk, I think I'm just annoyed. Usually when I see a non canon gay ship get more traction than the Canon lesbian couple, I just assume it's misogyny or lesbophobia, and move on with my life. But I can't even do that here because Caitvi was WAY more popular in season 1 (as they should).

Jayvik isn't getting somewhat more popular in season 2 because people don't like lesbians, but because their arcs are connected so strongly to each other. (Also I'm not saying that Jayvik is now more popular than Caitvi, but it's like a graph where the super high stocks caitvi are still even while Jayvik is skyrocketing rn)

Wanna know why Jayvik wasn't all that popular in season 1? Because (after act 1) their arcs were mostly separate, safe for a couple of moments. Viktor worked on his body and Jayce was doing politics.

Caitlyn and Vis arcs intertwined more, they actually did shit together and it was beautiful, funny, romantic, EVERYTHING!

Also a fun opposites attract buddy cop dynamic is also just more fun than men who do science together (in my personal opinion)

Now let's look at Caitlyn and Vis relationship in season two.

It starts of strong. I momentarily thought that Caitlyn was uncharacteristically mean to Vi when she refused to become an enforcer, but she apologized for it later and I recognized the fact that Caitlyn was grieving. Then once we get to episode two and three I could already feel their relationship being a bit more odd. The kiss (though I cheered) didn't feel right. I felt like something was missing, and that was their chemistry from season one. Also I feel like we glossed over too many decisions that Caitlyn made, and I think Vi should've put a stop to it sooner. But overall I was okay with them in act 1.

Then we had a timeskip and the two were fully separated. Act 2 literally started with Caitlyn in bed with another woman, like we can see they're not together anymore. Caitlyn has obviously changed, there is not much of the sweet cupcake left that we had come to love in season 1, and Vi is boxing and getting drunk.

Then they meet and like... Vi calls Cait cupcake, and Cait switches sides IMMEDIATELY? GIRL WTF?!

I get that Caitlyn wasn't entirely on Ambessas side the entire time, but I had hoped for more drama first. So you're telling me the very next interaction the two have after their heart wrenching falling out is them making up again? Come on.

Then we had act 3 and overall it was better I think but the timing of their hot scene in the cell was just odd, like what about your sister about to kill herself? I was very happy and hyped in the moment but then I realized how rushed this was. Why? Why make em fuck right here? And in the final act, the two weren't together because again, their arcs were not as connected. And that's actually pretty cool to have a couple who do their own things! But it doesn't help their relationship when they, in turn, aren't given enough time to develop as a pair!

I feel like season 1 did this incredible job of setting these characters up, showing us why they work so well together and why they would fall for one another. And season 2 gave us pay off for it but with very little set up, which was needed because of how Cait changed throughout the season. I don't mention Vi here because she did not change. She had her drunk boxing phase, which we got nothing but a montage off, but everything else is basically season 1 Vi aside from very few things here and there. Like her becoming an enforcer wasn't a character change for Vi, her finally letting go of powder and calling her sister Jinx, wasn't a big character moment for Vi, they were pay off for a set up we didn't get enough of.

SO TO GET TO MY POINT:

S2 was rushed. We should've AT LEAST gotten 3 seasons, like minimum, because there was a whole lot of plot and very little moments in between for characterization. Especially for Caitlyn and Vi and their relationship to each other.

I still generally prefer Caitvi to Jayvik, but only because of season 1. Season 2 gave me the two things I wanted most (a sexy scene and a kiss) but forgot to give me the things that made me fall in love with this ship in the first place.

Which was the hilarious buddy cop dynamic of rich girl cop Cait, and broke butch prisoner Vi.

[lurkingshan]

Japanese QL Corner

ICYMI: There are so many Japanese qls airing weekly, so I’m going to start posting this little round up at the end of each week. Most of these shows are on Gaga and I highly recommend watching!

Tsukuritai Onna to Tabetai Onna 2

Another great batch of episodes this week, as Kasuga and Nomoto settled into dating life, all the gals got together for various food related events, and Nagumo began seeking treatment for her eating disorder. This show is just always so compassionate with its characters, and manages to find interesting conflicts without going for high drama. I am very much enjoying seeing Kasuga and Nomoto figure out how their relationship should look now that they're dating and also how to communicate and respect each other as they make decisions. Kasuga's tendency to let Nomoto steamroll her feels harmless when it's about picking fruit or vegetables, but it won't be when it comes to making decisions about where they live and how to set up their home, so it's great they're addressing it early. It's also awesome to see them expand their circle of friends and deepen their bonds with Yako and Nagumo--I was high key jealous of the curry and s'mores parties. And Nagumo just has my whole heart. When she expressed profound relief at learning there is a name for her illness and ways to treat it, my mind immediately jumped to Rachel Bloom. Looking forward to her healing. I can't believe there is only one more batch of episodes coming, love and gratitude to @furritsubs!

Chaser Game W

I’ll keep this brief. This show was a mess, and not even in a fun way because unfortunately it was also extremely misogynistic. @twig-tea covered the major issues well in her post. Wild that this show aired simultaneously with TsukuTabe, what a dichotomy.

My Strawberry Film

This one is really not grabbing me. It feels kind of slow and muted and uncertain about what it's doing. I am not finding the mystery or the love rhombus compelling, and this week's focus on Hikaru's infatuation with Minami had me yawning and picking up my phone a lot. But it's early, I am hopeful it will pick up some steam.

Sukiyanen Kedo Do Yaro ka

This was a cute episode about Sakae and Soga getting past their initial awkwardness, learning how to communicate with each other, and moving into a more intimate phase of their relationship, and I think I would have loved it if we'd gotten it two weeks ago. This should have been the episode that followed their initial confessions, but instead the show did a two week diversion into love triangle nonsense, and unfortunately, I think it really threw off the pacing and the connection to these characters for me. It just feels too late in the show for this relationship to still feel so new. We haven't had time to settle in with them as a couple, or for them to develop a strong foundation to make us root for them to overcome the coming obstacles in the final arc. Still, this episode had some delightful scenes--Soga finally paying a visit to the sauna was my personal fav, and I also enjoyed the metaphor of Sakae literally catching Soga's love (and knowing @bengiyo would lose it over another important SPORTS moment in bl). This is a show I really want to love, but something just isn't connecting.

Perfect Propose

I love this final episode and I love this show. Hiro quit his job, Kai resolved things with the shop owner and his son, and they finally got on the same page about their relationship and made out about it. 10/10 no notes for this finale. It was lovely to see Hiro finish his project and make a decision to quit the daily grind--I loved, too, that he is still in touch with his former colleagues--and we saw the change in him so quickly. He looked happier, lighter, brighter. His skin was cleared and his crops were watered! And Kai got to have his moment of catharsis too, sharing his fear that he is a burden on others and having Hiro affirm for him that he wants him in his life and he's a help, not a burden. And I loved that we got all that plus a great kiss, a bed scene (with a very cute leg cramp diversion) and a small peek at their new domestic life together. This show makes me happy and it will definitely be one I return to for rewatches.

Ossan's Love Returns

I'm of two minds on this finale. On the one hand, I really loved it as a single episode of the show, was happy with where all the resolutions landed, and was left with a very warm feeling toward the show overall. The cherry blossom scene especially really got me right in the feels; I've loved the progression of Maki and Haruta's relationship this season and I love the way they talk to each other. They have earned themselves a spot on my list of favorite drama couples who I actually believe are going to stay together. I also loved everything about the big chaotic group scene and all these characters coming together to pour love on Haruta; it felt earned after a season of him knocking himself out for all his loved ones. The end joke with Chief moving in next door, and getting a final Maki/Kurosawa battle, was *chef's kiss*. And Takegawa's perfect life partner being a cat? 10/10 no notes. I will be clutching my aroace Takegawa read tightly to my bosom.

On the other hand, the episode reinforced for me that the way we got to a lot of these resolutions didn't feel quite right. In particular, I don't think the way Kurosawa's health scare played out across the back half of the season worked, and I'm not too pleased about spending three episodes in a downbeat, tragic mode for the sake of a simple pun joke. I think the whole plot would have landed a lot better for me if the audience was let in on Kurosawa's mistake at the start and the tone of his overwrought goodbyes was farcical all the way through. Not only would that have maintained the comedic tone of the show, but we could have used that story time to better seed some of the themes of this episode with Haruta's crisis of confidence and yearning for family. I'm pretty much agnostic on Kiku and Izumi; they never sold me on that pairing but I wasn't mad about their ending.

Overall, I am very glad I jumped into this show and enjoyed the watch experience a lot, despite my quibbles with some of the overarching writing choices. The cast is amazing and all the characters make me smile. If they make another season, I'll be watching!

Bonus: Josi teki Saikatsu

I finally watched this drama this week--I held out for awhile hoping to find it in better quality, but no dice, it's 480p in the grey--and despite the potato lens I loved it so much. This is the story of Miki, a transfemme lesbian, just trying to live her life in the way she wants, and all the barriers she comes up against in that pursuit. Our story begins when her childhood friend, Goto, comes looking for his old pal in a moment of desperation and is stunned to see how she's changed. The show is only four short episodes, but they manage to paint a full picture of Miki's life at home, at work, with friends and lovers, and with her estranged family, and show us how she became who she is. Miki is whip smart and perceptive and generous, but also wary of trusting anyone after she's been let down by so many loved ones. I love her so much, and you will too. This story was written by a trans woman and it shows! Brave the 480p and check it out.

[ushouldwatchhaikyuu]

Haikyu!! dumpster battle ramble akdbsjsbdd

warning for slight spoilers?? (i mention scenes but i dont say anything about who won or stuff like that lmfao) and also caps lock lmfao

aight. HINATA BEING TERRIFIED THAT KAGEYAMA WAS GONNA STOP SETTING FOR HIM. JUST LIKE HE SAID WHEN THEY FIRST MET. CAUSE HINATA WASN'T BEING NECESSARY TO WIN. AND HINATA TRYING SO HARD AND BEING NOT ONLY FRUSTRATED THAT IT WASN'T ENOUGH, BUT ALSO SCARED THAT IF KAGEYAMA SAW HE WASN'T USEFUL. HE'D LOSE INTEREST IN HIM AND STOP SETTING FOR HIM. nekoma cutting off Hinata's wings not only to stop him from flying, but to make kageyama stop helping him fly.

and kageyama sees that. realizes that hinata isn't being useful to him or the team. AND HE FINDS A WAY TO SET FOR HIM ANYWAY.

he sees Hinata can't get up on his own and everything is telling him to drop him- the most reasonable & rational thing would be to stop setting for him. and y'know what kageyama does? HE TELLS HIM "GO AHEAD, FLY"

HE SETS FOR HIM ANYWAY and finds a way to make him fly even higher. WHICH IS SO DKSBSKSJSJSKS IDEK HOW TO DESCRIBE IT. like not only does that tell hinata that no matter how much people try to stop him, kageyama will help him fly anyway- but it also speaks about kageyama A LOT. cause there wasn't a strategic reason to keep trying to use hinata- in fact, he could've used nekoma's focus on him on their favor and instead set for other players.

BUT NO, he chose to keep setting for hinata. because at that point it wasn't just about winning, for kageyama. yknow how important is that? kageyama, who only ever cared about winning, thought setting for hinata was more important to him than winning.

IF THAT DOESNT SAY A LOT ABOUT HIS CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT IDK WHAT WOULD

also??? kenma feeling like shit about doing that to hinata?? EVEN THOUGH HE CAME UP WITH THE IDEA. kenhina bffs they're so adorable wtf.

but then again the "we're just friends scene"??? WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK???? DKSBSJSK it made me feel stuff lmfao such a good way to portray their friendship & rivalry

also!!! kuroo, bokuto & tsukki crumbs!!! i love their friendship sm its so cool that they had their moments in the movie. bokuto was adorable sksnsjsjsj

the animation was also so cool tbh, specially that one scene of hinata and kenma staring at each other. yknow the one.

this one lmfao

ALSO everyone's talked about the scene where kenma keeps hinata in a birdcage but i still gotta mention it cause ITS SO COOL WTF

and everyone also said it but like. literally a kuroken movie (/p or /r). i loved how they showed that development of kenma's love for volleyball and how hinata felt so proud and happy and accomplished when kenma said their match had been so fun fksbdjdjdjdj HE HAD THE PERFECT REACTION.

also kuroo's laugh??? BEAUTIFUL and also a very good reaction lmfao.

yeah those r my main thoughts. overall a very good movie, perhaps the pacing could've been a bit more intense/nerve-wrecking for my liking? like i wasnt so "in it" as i was with many matches in the anime. still, i think it had a bit more of a focus on relationships and background stories and character development, specially through flashbacks, symbolism & but impactful quotes, so it's still chefs kiss. very much recommend watching it if u haven't.

[mirai-e-jump]

Animage January 2024 Issue ft. Kaku So Interview (translation below)

Publication: December 8, 2023 (between episodes 39-40)

"By any means necessary!"

Kaguragi Dybowski, lord of Toufu, the country of abundance, has the belief of, "We'll protect the country by any means necessary!"

Two years ago, as Gira and Racules Husty opposed each other, he cleverly used his words against the two of them. The king of N'Kosopa, Yanma Gast, accurately summed him up as, "Someone who's neither on one side or the other. However, he's trustworthy."

Kaguragi was just a simple farmer before ascending the throne, but 17 years ago, the death of Toufu's former lord, Iroki, was the turning point that changed him. Faced against Iroki, who was revived through the ability of Grodie, one of the Uchu Five Jesters, Kaguragi confronts her with the truth that she's been hiding in her heart. In order to protect Toufu's future, and hide the fact that Grodie mixed poison into Toufu's rice, Iroki plays the role of a villain who has monopolized the food supply, and attempts to entrust everything to Kaguragi. He is willing to get his hands dirty in order to protect his country and people. Kaguragi's way of being a lord was something he inherited from Iroki.

Kaguragi is once again determined to take the dirtiest road ahead. True to his words, while participating in the Royal Sentai's plan to recapture N'Kosopa, he cooperates with Racules, who has become a servant of the Uchu King. When Gira and Racules face each other again, who will Kaguragi lend his hand to?

-Kaguragi's humanity, brought out by his younger sister Suzume-

"King-Ohger has finally entered the fourth quarter (end of year broadcasts)"

Kaku: Wow, it all really happened so fast. When we were filming the pilot (episodes 1-5), it felt like a long time since I was nervous and unfamiliar with everything, but now, I enjoy the set so much that I think, "I don't want this to end" and, "I want to keep doing this for the rest of my life." The story is interesting, and I feel that I've been involved in a truly wonderful production. It was also good experience for me as an actor to play the same role for a year, and learn how to think about a character that's different from myself.

"Starting from the second chapter, there are more scenes where you interact with the other kings, but is there anything you consider to be important when expressing these relationships?"

Kaku: It was impressive that his relationship with Hymeno grew during the body swap episode, but even now, he doesn't have that many conversations with the other kings. I think there's more involvement with Racules. Still, I want to create a feeling that we're gradually getting closer, and that we acknowledge each other, rather than just being able to talk in a casual manner. Even now, the people of Toufu may still be the most important people for Kaguragi, but I think he's become the bigger man, someone who's concerned about the other countries and tries to protect the people living outside of Toufu. I'm mindful of such changes in Kaguragi.

"In the dialogue with Racules, who was mentioned earlier, the profound feeling that you wouldn't expect from Nichi Asa (Super Hero Time) became a hot topic."

Kaku: They're both planning something, and although they don't fully reveal their intentions, they're working together because they have mutual interests. His relationship with Racules is interesting to play, and it's alot of fun playing catch up with Yano-chan. As for Racules, there'll be more developments in the future that you can't afford to miss, so please continue to keep an eye on him.

"Other people who are closely related to Kaguragi include his younger sister Suzume and his retainer Kuroda. What do you keep in mind when interacting with them?"

Kaku: When in front of Suzume, I think it's his own fault that he can't help but show his true feelings of affection for his little sister. Kaguragi is surprised at how weirdly he's treated, and the feeling of being swayed by a younger sister who's different from Kaguragi's manipulative side I perform in a way that makes it look as funny as possible. Thanks to Suzume, I have the impression that Kaguragi's humanity has come out, and I feel very grateful for her character. As for Kuroda, when his name changed from "Kuroda-san" to "Kuroda" in episode 10, I asked Kanzaki Hajime-san, who plays Kuroda, "I wonder what the relationship is between the two of them." We've played our roles with the understanding that they've been friends for a long time, and when their pasts were revealed in episode 37, I thought, "So that's it."

"In the flashback scenes of episode 37, you played Kaguragi from the past."

Kaku: That's right. Because it was Kaguragi from before he became a backstabber, I was very careful about acting honestly. I actually wanted to lose some muscle for the role, but it was alittle too much to do in one or two weeks (laughs). For episode 37, the biggest surprise was the fact that Iroki was actually a good guy. In my mind, I imagined that Kaguragi was influenced by the people of Toufu and decided, "I have no choice but to do it myself" and killed Iroki. I didn't expect such a complicated backstory, so when I read the script, I was shocked. From the first movie in which Iroki appeared, the script's ability to draw out the words, "This was said there, so I can connect it this way" and bring them to a good Iroki was excellent.

"We think that Iroki reappearing in the first place was a surprise for many fans."

Kaku: I think it's really great that Iroki-san, or rather Hinagata Akiko-san has appeared again. I was nervous about us performing together, but it was alot of fun. I was fascinated by her range of acting, from the scary and bewitching Iroki, to the gentle and cute Iroki. I learned alot from her.

-Are Kaguragi's clothes incompatible with weapons?!-

"Please tell us about some of the most memorable interactions with Teramoto Shogo-san, who plays HachiOhger after the transformation."

Kaku: Even when he isn't playing HachiOhger, Tera-chan comes to the set to support me, so we often talk about Kaguragi and HachiOhger. Tera-chan is concerned about the height difference between us, so he tries to match my height by wearing platform boots. When I was worried that HachiOhger's fighting style didn't match Kaguragi's character, I said, "I like fighting styles that incorporate Japanese elements, so I want it to be performed like that." In episode 37, there was a scene where I consulted with Tera-chan about what kind of line delivery would be best. HachiOhger has some interesting movements. During the dubbing, I thought about whether I could do shouts that were different from the usual ones, such as "Un!" or "Hah!", so that viewers would pay attention to the action.

"In episodes 32 and 33, there were lengthy action scenes as Kaguragi, at that time, did you receive any advice from Teramoto-san?"

Kaku: Tera-chan came up with the idea for that sword fight! If I separate myself from HachiOhger's fighting style, I won't be able to maintain consistency, and I wanted to know how to make the action cool, so we had a close discussion about it. At first, I was worried and afraid that I might get hurt, so I couldn't attack my opponent or do a proper attack. However, Tera-chan taught me, "Your opponent's are also good at receiving attacks, so it's better to keep your arms fully extended," and I think that's how things turned out in the end.

"We remember being surprised when watching the broadcast, not thinking that you'd be able to perform such big, flashy movements in those clothes."

Kaku: Ah, well, I'm used to it (laughs). At that time, I remember being surprised that my wig came off during the action. Kaguragi's clothes have pretty long sleeves, and they often get caught on the OhgerCalibur, so they don't work well together. Especially when they get caught on KuwagataOhgers trigger (laughs). So, instead of simply slashing to avoid getting my sleeves caught, I performed parrying movements.

"Other than Kaguragi, if you had to choose your favorite character, who would it be?"

Kaku: It would be…..It's hard to choose one, since everyone including the retainers are good characters, I like them all. I watched the idol episode (episode 38), so I guess it's been Rita recently. That difference is too good…..I'm now wondering how the viewers will react to that episode (it hasn't aired at the time of this interview). What will they think when watching……because I'm exhausted just trying to pick it apart (laughs).

"That episode is the one where everyone is reading too much into Rita's behavior (laughs)."

Kaku: That's true, I wonder what the truth is. I think it'll be an interesting episode with that in mind. Ah, but, since idol Rita will appear in the preview during the upcoming Toufu episode, they'll be the one taking over the Twitter trends……poor Kaguragi……in that case, I won't pick Rita as my favorite character (laughs). I'll choose Yanma, who's a cool guy from a man's point of view, and someone you can leave things to with peace of mind.

"Let's go with that (laughs). Please tell us about some of the most memorable episodes that have been broadcast so far."

Kaku: For me, it's episode 37, I have no choice but to mention the Toufu episode. The story is about Iroki and Kaguragi's past, and how Kaguragi became lord. Kaguragi's been hiding what happened between him and Iroki for a long time, and thought he was going to have to live with it, but he unexpectedly found an opportunity to settle his feelings thanks to the enemy Grodie. Past Kaguragi’s efforts were paid off, and I feel very thankful for this episode. It was a very tiring role for me to play though (laughs). Man, it was difficult!

"It was an important episode because it told the story of Kaguragi's very being."

Kaku: At first, I thought of a performance plan to act in such a way that Kaguragi himself would be at a loss. However, Director Kazuya Kamihoriuchi told me, "It'd be better if you don't show emotion," so I went with his direction. As a result, I think the character of Kaguragi shined more brightly, and I have nothing but gratitude for the Director.

"Finally, please tell us about some future highlights."

Kaku: From this point on, it's a series of twists and turns, and the fate of Gira and Racules and the hotly anticipated development showing a resolution will be portrayed! Fans of the two of them shouldn't miss it, and Kaguragi will also be playing a very "standard" role among them. I encourage you to watch until the final episode!

_

Question to Masato Yano-san! (Racules Husty's Actor)

During the times when he's Shugo Mask, even though Yano-chan's mouth is sticking out, why does he make breathing sounds, or rather, have a raspy voice? (laughs). When he took off the mask, there were even some clicking sounds (laughs). I would like to ask Yano-chan, "What do you think?" in regards to the mechanics of it. Also, as I mentioned in the cast blog on the official site, there was a round of applause after Racules's speech scene, and it felt like everyone was in attendance. I would like to once again say, "Welcome home" and "I'm so glad you're back." (-Kaku)

Questions from Hirakawa Yuzuki-san! (Rita Kaniska's Actor)

Q: How does Kaguragi sneak around without anyone noticing? How do you think he takes care of his long silky hair?

In addition to the optical camouflage of his haori, I guess he also studied the art of tip toeing and other ninja skills. He's also good at disguises. Honestly, I really don't know (laughs). In my opinion, Kaguragi's hair has a rough, permed look to it, and I believe that he grew it out intentionally to give off the dignity of a lord. If he were to take care of it, I feel like he'd leave it up to the people clad in black while he soaks in the bathtub. Kaguragi doesn't seem to take care of his own hair (laughs). (-Kaku)

[sandrayofsun]

I may be Team Top??

As promised in my last post, I'm making a diary entry for TopMew!

I'll start by saying that I have not been a fan of this couple throughout the show, but I did like their characters separately. Something that I felt a lot throughout the series was the lack of chemistry and awkwardness surrounding TopMew. Mind you, I've watched "A Boss and a Babe," I KNOW ForceBook has chemistry.

In saying that, episode 8 has officially changed my mind on the TopMew train hehe.

Specifically this scene

Mew's revenge era is honestly what made me like him the most... Unpopular opinion maybe, but I found it really relatable that he is doing things he normally doesn't do and becoming someone different. Top did a really shitty thing to him. Despite him being "perfect," being a virgin, having good grades, and being respectful, Top still cheated on him. It opened his eyes to the fact that no matter how "good" he is, people are still capable of doing shitty things to him.

So why not do all the things you've never done in the name of being hurt. No matter who he is, people can hurt him no matter what, might as well go out with a bang.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The bathroom scene was interesting because it's the first "civil" conversation they've had since the whole fight blew out. and Top is now seeing the effects of his affair with Boston reflecting on Mew. Even with Mew rubbing Ray in Top's face, he still is only worried about Mew and what is happening to him.

It's honestly slightly refreshing that Top isn't taking the jealousy approach because he knows that at the moment he's lost that right. He can't blame Mew for running to Ray because Top set him on that path.

Top was presented to us as a selfish character, one who is used to getting what he wants, and not having much to work for (a little bit like Boston). Him going to Cheum and voicing his concerns for Mew, even taking a little bit of heat from Cheum (you go girl), shows character development on Top's part, and honestly gives me a little bit of hope for their end game.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I want to touch on Mew for a sec, and his "relationship" with Ray.

I think it is so intentional the way that they have framed this phrase for Mew and Ray. How Ray is someone that Mew "should" love, but obviously doesn't, because Mew loves Top and knows deep down that Ray will never fulfill that role in his life (the same way Mew can't fulfill that role in Ray's). Even hesitating to kiss him when they are alone is evidence enough that Mew is pretending.

Curving Ray's kiss and saying they should go and have fun is ultimate "get me out of here" behavior. Mew doesn't want Ray. Simple as that.

I also need to call out the fact that the next time we see RayMew kiss is because Mew is trying to prove a point to Top. Only then does he use Ray to make him jealous, but isn't actually willing to do it in private.

Top's face during this whole scene made me sad tbh. I really felt for him, he was manipulated by Boston and thrown under the bus by Nick. Overall, he did a shitty thing, but that doesn't mean he didn't love Mew or want to be a better person for him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This scene called to action the fact that Mew is still jealous over Top. Calling him and Boston out for sitting next to each other and telling them they're free to hook up again was funny but also important to TopMew's relationship.

Top still being there for Mew, helping him when he was throwing up and then sitting next to each other on the floor gave me MAJOR SandRay Episode 1 parallels. But also look at Mew :(

He's asking Top why he has to be an asshole because he still loves him. He is in love with an asshole :((((( and I'd like to point out that this scene was the MOST chemistry that I have seen from these two thus far.

Both of them are hurt, and are hurting for the other. I think deep down, Mew wants to make amends, but also he needs to do this for himself. He needs to spiral a little bit to realize where he is headed. he needs to make Top hurt a little (as sad as that may be).

Top on the other hand is hurt because he did this. He caught feelings, and then messed up the person he loves. He doesn't know how to fix what he broke, but also knows that they are meant to be.

This is what really changed my mind on them. Before it felt like both of them had masks, and didn't really see each other, but now they're both at low points, and seeing each other for the first time. But still loving each other from afar despite the turmoil they're going through.

Top taking care of Mew after everything at the end of the night was so heartwarming. A man who probably has never been one to take care of others, spending what little time with Mew he can get.

I'm really looking forward to seeing where these two go, and huge props to ForceBook for the amazing acting job they're doing!

See you guys next week!!

[samd1o1]

Hey I don’t want to comment for real bc I’m sick of arguing with people on tumblr

I just wanted to say that in that post about deadpool and wolverine’s queerness, you are like 1000% in the right. Normally I don’t feel this strongly about stuff but anyone who thinks that Disney seriously and earnestly “delivered” on deadpool (and wolverine?) being queer is delusional

I mean, I love the movie. I’ve seen it twice and giggled my way through it both times. Obviously I enjoy the queer aspect of their relationship. But what you said about being able to be critical of your favorite media is important. The fact that people are arguing that there are no issues with the gay jokes in d&w but ACTUALLY it’s all indicative of a genuinely made film about two queer men is like actually SO crazy

Thank you, yes! The movie is absolutely amazing in the fact it's funny and well written. And yes I like the gay jokes, they're cheeky and enjoyable. But I think they'd be more enjoyable if any amount of Wade's (and also Logan's) queerness was taken seriously. Even just a little seriously.

I think the part that annoyed me about the movie most was Wade breaking up with Vanessa. Yeah it works for the movie and his character development. But at the same time I can't help but assume the reasoning for it was so queer people could go "hey they're both single, maybe just maybe Deadpool and Wolverine will get together?" No they won't this is Disney. He'll probably be back together with Vanessa eventually (even if it's not immediately).

Like I said on the comments of the post you're referring to; saying this is good queer rep is just an excuse so Disney (and Marvel) doesn't have to actually try to make good representation. The MCU has had many issues like this before. The single Loki bisexual conversation only for them to chicken out on the mlm ship they were hinting at in S2 promotions. Loki also being labeled as genderfluid in promo stuff just for him to be referred to as a male Loki and such. Characters who are canonically bisexual in the comics like Starlord showing absolutely zero hints to their queerness. Eternals is the only real representation I can think of, but it felt very one note and boring. Like that whole movie.

In conclusion Deadpool is a great movie but my biggest gripe is just that the queer aspect is not taking seriously. As much as I love the Honda Odyssey scene, it would be cool if it wasn't just a weird mix of coding/bait. Queer coding is still a great writing tool. Using metaphors for queerness in fantasy can be fun. But the reason queer coding existed in the first place is because you weren't allowed to show any queer people on screen. But times have changed! You can show it, but Disney are cowards. The movie is also queerbaity as they set up things like Vanessa's break up only to start them almost back up again with Logan himself telling Wade to go for the girl. Not to mention all the promotional posters like Deadpool and Wolverine as Beauty And The Beast. Disneyland Deadpool is also being VERY heavy on the gay jokes, which makes me feel like they KNOW who their main target audience was gonna be with this movie, but they still need to cater to the movie dudebros as well. Maybe one day guys, maybe.

It's important to be critical of even your favorite media. If you weren't then it could never improve. Let your voices be heard! And to the people who think movies don't deserve such debate; why do you think that? So many people say that so they don't have to discuss representation in media but then turn around and rant about the comic accuracy. Also what do you think happens in a writers room? Criticism is important in media even to professionals. A movie is a group effort, many people had different ideas that eventually came together and made Deadpool 3. They also probably had many ideas that were shut down and not put in Deadpool 3 for various reasons. Some most likely being criticisms.

Ok I'm done ranting now. Deadpool 3, great movie, one of my favorites. But it would have benefited not only itself by being true to Wade and Logan letting them be their authentic queer selves; But it also would have benefited the queer community.

[lafashionlsta]

(No Yan Sim Au)

Au by @quartztwst

1. Does your OC have parents or family in the AU? If not, what is their current living situation?

Liánhuā lives with her mother and younger brother. They both love her very much. Ever since her father passed she had to take his place as the head of the politics -her family is kinda based on Saikou corps (political stand) excepts her family adores her.

The reasoning for crossdressing is because people think her brother is the next head of the family and she just let them think that because she thinks it’ll be better (her brother is way to aloof to be the head and it if he is the head of the family) Her mother thought she was way too younger to be the head but didn’t pressure her into not being because if her daughter wants to then she’ll let her. also the reason why she’s poison resistant is because she developed it when she was very young since there was someone untrustworthy but her family couldn’t prove it. This is before her father died. If she anything would to happen to her. Her brother would find the killer no matter what it takes and her mother will spiral into a depression.

2. What are their thoughts on Quartz?

Lethal method for most of the rivals / canon

“I don't trust her. Don’t get me wrong I don’t want to assume she’s dangerous but something about her doesn’t seem right. Also she seems way too interested to be a one of Azul’s fan girls.”

Nonlethal

“Oh, Quartz? I seen her around but I haven’t talked to her since she always seems to be doing something and I don’t want to bother her!”

3. What is their thoughts and relationship with Azul? How did they meet Azul? “Azul? He’s always wanting to scam people and I have to get him out of it!!! IT’S ANNOYING!! Other than that we have been friends since childhood. He’s good at heart if it wasn’t for the things he’s been doing”

4. What are their relationships with other characters/OCs?

“Oh, Riddle? I sometimes help him if he has a lot of work to do in the student council. He should stop over working himself it’s not good for you. Other than that I admire him! He’s so hardworking!”

If you want your oc removed please let me know!

Oc by @jovieinramshackle “Jovelina? We sometimes hang out. She pretty nice! I just can’t seem to get why she likes Azul though.”

Oc by @boopshoops “Oh, Yuu Shi! She’s very funny and so cool! Please stop trying to black mail me. The gossip she spills is interesting. I wonder how she even gets it! What? A little gossip doesn’t hurt once in a while!”

If Yuu Shi dies

“Jocia…. I feel so bad for her… I hope she finds Yuu Shi’s killer without the lethal method…”

Oc by @h0neybane “ Evelyn is so nice! I wonder what she’s drawing in the sketchbook! although I don’t think it’s a good idea to sneak a peak in it. Her hands must hurt with all that drawing.”

“The twins? I hate how they’re in that business with Azul. Floyd scares me a little. DO NOT get me started on Jade.”

Updated:

"Malleus? I hang out with him sometimes due to people not wanting. They're missing out on a very good friend to be honest!"

"My thoughts on Trey? It's an honor to be friends with him! His baked goods are so delicious!"

"Che'nya, Che'nya.. even though we don't go to the same school he's fun to hang out with! However he does bring chaos sometimes.."

5. What grade/year is your OC?

Same age as Azul so she’s a 2nd year! 6. What is your OCs goal for the school year or in life?

Get good grades, graduate and try to stop Azul from scamming people.

7. Your OC is being framed for murder of another student by Quartz, how does your OC react to that? Does your OC know it's Quartz?

She has proof that she was no where near the crime scene since she has friends to back her up (mostly with her friends) and never really alone. -this will increase her suspicions and decrease her trust in Quartz and make it harder to befriend her.-

8. Your OC notices Quartz carrying a weapon in her skirt pocket. That's strange since the female school uniforms don't have skirt pockets. Does your OC report this?

Finds it suspicious that she has pockets in her skirt. Will appprenhend her if she sees a weapon.

9. Where is your OC usually with or at during school? Classes? With Azul? Skipping class? Where do they eat lunch?

Liánhuā is usually with Azul making sure he’s not trying to scam someone. If she’s not with him she’s either in the Light music room with her club members or friends. She will have lunch with her friends and won’t be with Azul.

10. How are your OC's grades?

Her grades are pretty good. Doesn’t want to stress her mom out with bad grades

[spop-romanticizes-abuse]

Not really an ask, but I just wanted to thank you and all the other critics that speak about how much of an actual shitshow SPOP was when dealing with C*tra.

For the longest time, I shipped C*tr*dora because I was an impressionable kid who saw them kiss and didn't realize that Canon ships can suck and still be Canon. I didn't Stan C*tra or anything, but I did try defending her one time to my irl friends and my only arguments were that:

A) She's Adora's girlfriend so there has to be good in her (yeah no)

And B) She was "redeemed".

But what actually got me second-guessing C*tra and her fans was when I saw a post about the S4 Glimmadora argument and saw hundreds of comments going; "Glimmer is so selfish!" "Glimmer is a horrible person!" "This is why C*tra is better than Glimmer."

And I was and still am the biggest Glimmer fan, and it made me upset. I mean, Glimmer literally lost her mom and was given basically no time to grieve. It didn't excuse her actions, but everyone kept talking about her like she was a villain trying to destroy the world. And then I thought;

'Didn't C*tra actually destroy the world?' And that got me in this deep rabbit hole of realizing C*tra and C*tr*dora is abusive in so many ways and telling myself I was crazy because so many people were defending her. But then I saw one of your posts, scrolled through your blog and realized; 'Oh, I'm not crazy. C*tra is a horrible person and her stans are just delusional.' It even made me realize how fucked up the show was in so many other aspects; The incest, the leash, the fact that the only enby character was a lizard, and so much more.

So thank you and all the other critics out there that might help give people validation or help people open their eyes.

Thank you. 💙

i'm glad you found my blog and other critic blogs helpful! i know that anti blogs generally have a reputation for nitpicking on unnecessary details and ruining the fun, but that was never what i wanted to do with mine. i didn't expect all of c//a stans to immediately understand my point and stop shipping c//a (most of them don't even pay attention to what we're saying, let alone try to understand) but getting asks like yours really renews my faith in humanity.

i try not to judge what other people ship or to project my moral compass too much into fiction but the problem with c//a isn't that it's toxic, it's the fact that it's heavily romanticized. if they merely wanted to explore an abusive relationship in fiction, that's not a problem. it's quite healthy, actually. but the fact that they imply that this is a healthy relationship and a lot of the fans defend this ship to hell and back is really concerning.

and yes, like you said, it's really hypocritical of fans to villanize glimmer so much for two mistakes that the narrative held her accountable for, while coddling catra who had to face exactly zero consequences for her actions.

i completely understand how you felt, it can often be daunting to be the only one to actually see things as they are, instead of blindly believing what the writers say because the rest of the fandom does. i didn't ship c//a at all but i felt the same way you did, seeing everyone praise the ship and wondering if i'm just being overdramatic.

it's only after i found an anti c//a account on instagram (@anticatradora ; they go into detail with a lot of the scenes in the show, if you want to check out their account!) that i realized that i was right, and this is actually a really weird and problematic ship that people are worshipping just because they're starved of queer representation. i understand wanting to see people like you represented in media, but there are a lot of characters and ships who are much better written and better developed than c//a.

anyway all of this to say, i'm proud of you for realizing the nuance of this situation in this hivemind of a fandom. it's always better to be open to criticism than to blindly defend a show just because you like it. thank you for this ask, it made my day! 💙

[voltrixz]

hey I’ve been meaning to ask this… as a fellow Shocker enjoyer who couldn’t get through all off TSSM and therefore missed out on some Sinister Six dynamics — what is the appeal of electroshocker to you? Why do you ship them? Like, I mean this as a genuine and positive question!! Please rant about your guys I really want to be in on the excitement/fun :3c <33

/pos /nf

GRINS RLLY WIDE AT YOU. Thank you for this opportunity, wipes away a tear...

Also woops this got rlly fuckin long, lemme just toss a read more here

Ok so I always like to play with relationship dynamics and tbh. I think electro and shocker have some rlly interesting potential. I always like putting my fave characters in a metaphorical chamber and watch and experiment.

For electro and shocker obv they're my faves and from what we seen in the first s6 ep, they do actually temporarily work together, their powers work similarly and shocker takes the lead and electro follows. So first off it is about their powers/names, I've seen people mix the two up and such and it made me giggle, like hm yeah, despite their personalities being very different.

Also there is one scene where a couple of the s6 memebers are walking through thr sewers and shocker asks doc how they're gonna find spiderman but electro pipes up to respond, say8ng here's how and shooting off a bolt of lightning. (The fact he immediately gets scolded and sent off is so funny)

^iconic moment to me. Was he like. Trying to show off?? If he was its rlly funny because yeah I think he kinda was??? Like this cool experienced guy shows up (and also heh. Hehe. He kinda bad? WHO SAID THAT)

But yeah def think theres a sliver of an admiration thing, funny as shocker just sees him as an amateur but willing to help him later. Would have been interesting to see shocker help electro get better with his powers (like that one fanart i reblogged) AND SPEAKING OF SAID FANART

Clutches my head and falls to the ground. About that fanart I very much do think electro would get jittery/flustered from how close shocker is becuase well. Being made out of literal electricity means not a lot of people can be that close to you AND SRGH. You know that guy is starved for physical contact. And while I don't think it's actually like. ? Canon or whatever, or just a popular hc but I like to think shocker's suit is immune to Electro’s electricity or at least he doesn't get hurt by it (would make sense his suit was made to handle his gauntlets which obv are powered by electricity) and idk. That closeness in training slowly developing into subtle touches and just being physically close with each other ARGH . Makes me crazy.

Also now leaning more into hc stuff. DRINKING BUDDIES ELECTRO SHOCKER AGEGRH. Then getting closer through drinks at shocker's bar argh. Electro becoming more of a regular argh argh, shocker warming up to electro and even the rest of the sinister six argh argh. (Forever crazy over the idea of shocker warming up to the s6 arghh)

But also hrm. Hrmmm. Stares off into the distance. I also do think like they are gonna be in situationship hell or something undefined like they're def friends it's def smt more but it's just so??? Too many things in the way I would say. Shocker is loyal to tombstone, Electro is loyal to doc. Shocker will clearly prioritize his job, that's his way of living. Electro was just tossed in here and trying to deal with it. They both have pretty bad tempers, one just has way more of a handle on it. It's like ARGHH. This shit gets messy!!!!!!!

[stubblesandwich]

Slice Of Life

A Captain Swan & Captain Cobra fanfic, written for @pirateprincessofpizza for @cssecretsanta2020.

Rated: General

Words: 6,000+ (I knoowww, I'm sorry 🙈)

Author's Note: Merry Christmas, Pirate! I'm SO SORRY this is a few days late. 🙃 Forgive me. I hope the fact that it's so darn long helps soften the blow of its lateness. This is actually going to be part one of a series I'd like to do, completely inspired by your username/enduring admiration for pizza, as well as your desire for more "slice of life" scenes, surrounding different points in Emma and Killian's relationship as it grows through the seasons. Each story will feature pizza in some way or another, because pizza is great, despite what other pirates might think to the contrary. 👀

Anyway!! Merry (belated) Christmas, my dear! I loved getting to know you through our long messages, and I hope you find this fic to be at least semi heart warming. I had fun writing it, and I look forward to continuing it with a second chapter set in the 6-week era of peace in S4. 👀👀

This one is set during season 3B, with Emma trying to juggle having a good relationship with her son and make an attempt at normal in the times of the Wicked Witch--by having a shared dinner with Captain Hook, obviously. Set some evening post-Neal's death but before poor Killian has his lips cursed.

AO3 link here if that's easier ✌🏻

+++

Life is made up of moments, her father had once told her. Good ones. Bad ones. But they're all worth living. 

And this, right here? This is a good moment. 

The town, for once, is quiet. 

No new flying monkey bite victims. Nothing from the Wicked Witch. And while all nefarious villains are undoubtedly planning and plotting more nefarious deeds, tonight, Emma Swan does not care about any of that. (She doesn't even sort of care.) 

What she cares about is the black-clad, self-proclaimed scoundrel sitting across from her whose more nefarious days seem to be tucked away behind him for safe keeping. The black-clad scoundrel currently looking at her like a confused puppy, slight head tilt included. 

"And what, pray tell, is pizza?" he asks, as he reaches for his mug of beer. Granny's been trying out a few new brews on tap (that Emma is pretty sure some of the dwarves have been concocting illegally, but she doesn't have the mental capacity to check into that any further at present) and has roped Killian into taste testing one of them for her.  Killian, never one to see a lady in peril, needed no arm twisting and was happy to oblige. "I gather it's valuable in this realm, if you would stoop to homicide to attain a slice of it." 

Sometimes she truly can't tell if he's messing with her, when he talks like that. The internal lie detector she'd developed as a child to tell when another foster parent or sibling was bullshitting her, then honed as an adult to tell when even worse people were bullshitting her, sometimes gets a little fuzzy around this particular man. (Or she quite possibly gets distracted by his face and the way he tends to stand so close to her. Who’s to say, really.)  It's what she would blame, if pressed, for why she left him up on that beanstalk oh so long ago.

(Which is something she is very grateful he has never brought up again.) 

It's definitely not the fact that he stands so much farther into her personal bubble than literally anyone else on the planet, or the fact that he watches her with those insanely intense eyes of his, gaze fixed on her in that knowing way like he not only sees her, but he gets her, reads her like a book sitting out and open on a coffee table. It's incredibly unnerving. But what's even more unnerving is how she is finding that the longer she knows him, the less she really seems to mind. 

Sometimes, she feels like he stepped straight out of a Jane Austen novel, when he talks like that, and she can't tell if he's hamming it up on purpose. She's very well aware he's not from this time, or realm, or whatever. She never actually forgets that—how could she?—but she almost forgets, sometimes. Until moments like now, when he's staring at her like a quizzical puppy. A puppy who apparently doesn't know what pizza is. 

There's a little bit of beer foam on his upper lip, caught in his mustache, which she's always noticed is just a little darker, just a little more pronounced than the rest of the stubble dusting his jawline. She's wondered before if that's where the silly mustache comes from, on the cartoon version of Captain Hook from the Peter Pan cartoon. (Not that Emma has spent an inordinate amount of time admiring the artfulness of his facial hair, God no. And there's definitely no intrusive thoughts of licking said beer foam off his upper lip, no, definitely not. That's never happened to her before and it's definitely not happening now.)

All she'd said, grumbled beneath her breath as she stared at the menu she had memorized, was that she'd kill for a decent slice of pizza right about now. A perfectly normal bit of hyperbole. 

His bright eyes dance, trained on her as they so often are, but the hint of a smirk pushing at his lips is masked by his mug as he takes a sip of his beer. He licks his lip, and just like that, the foam is gone, and takes with it the distraction it was causing her. 

"Wait, hold on, back up,” she says, as if finally registering the words he’d actually said.  “You've seriously never had pizza before?" She's not sure why it surprises her, really. Nothing should surprise her by now. But pizza? Come on. Everybody’s had pizza. 

He just raises his eyebrows at her. "It's some form of food, I gather?"

She huffs a little laugh. "Yes, it's food." 

It's at that moment that Henry reappears from his trip to the bathroom and slides in next to her. Something in her heart clicks back into place as he tucks in next to her. "What's food? Did you order something yet? I'm starving." 

"You heard the lad," Hook says, and something in Emma's heart tugs like a bite on a fishing line at the way his eyes soften as he looks at her son. "What will it be, Swan? This pizza that has you so up in arms and calling for blood?" He says "pizza" like he's trying the word out, two distinct syllables that sound foreign to him. 

Henry just blinks up at him, and Emma explains, "He's never had pizza before." 

Her son's eyes bug out in unfiltered shock. "What?" 

"I know," Emma says, in a what-can-you-do sort of tone, as she reaches across and snags Hook's mug of beer from him. She can feel him watching her, and she pointedly does not look back at him as she takes a sip from it. The home brew is thick, and hoppy, and.... Emma smacks her lips a few times. "That's actually... not bad." 

Hook shrugs with one shoulder. "I've certainly had worse." 

"I've never seen you drink something that wasn't out of your flask," she comments wryly. 

With one fluid motion, he reaches across their table and steals his mug back from her, taking another sip. Kissing, her brain blurts out for thankfully only her to hear. Share a drink and it's like you're kissing was the old playground tease from her childhood. Eagerly and yet very unhelpfully, her brain then supplies her with an image of the first time she'd kissed this particular man, in a hot, sweaty, evil magic jungle, and something low in her stomach bursts open like a big, hot balloon. Get it together, Swan, she chides herself. 

Thankfully, Hook doesn't seem to notice that she's having an internal error of some kind, and simply says, "Contrary to popular opinion, Swan, I'm actually a fairly well traveled and well rounded individual with many refined tastes." 

"If you say so.” She finds herself leaning a little closer to him as his foot bumps hers beneath the table. 

"But you've never had pizza before?" Henry asks, still so very very confused about how on earth someone can just go about life never having eaten his favorite food before. Stumped, Killian just stares at the boy, frowning slightly. Emma comes in for the save. 

"Well, then, let's change that tonight, shall we?" she says, with a can-do attitude rivaling that of her mother. "That settles it. Let's order a pizza." Her flicks to Hook. "Unless you had other plans for dinner?" 

"I am at your beck and call tonight, my lady," he says, and though the innuendo in his tone is only mildly implied for the sake of her son sitting across from him, Emma still can't help but roll her eyes. 

"Can we get fries?" Henry asks hopefully, and Emma can't help but smile at him. 

"I was thinking onion rings. But sure, kid. Fries it is." 

"Get both," Hook suggests casually. "Dinner's on me." 

"No, it's fine," Emma insists, "I got it."

"It makes no difference to me, love." 

"Do you even have money?" She's never stopped to think about it before, how he's getting around, how he's been paying for a room here or what he's been using to buy food. It's such an obvious question, and yet she's never thought to ask him. 

"You have no idea what the exchange rate is for gold in this town," he says simply, as he takes another sip of his beer, and she raises her brows at him. 

"Okay, well, that's a question for later," she says. "Good to know." A better sheriff would look into that further, all the presumably stolen gold and other treasures he has in his possession, and the people in town so willing to turn a blind eye and take it as payment, but it's literally the least pressing problem in her life at this point. It's not even a problem; she has no way to prove he's stolen anything, and even if she did, she finds she just doesn't care. The fact that he has any number of gold pieces and random treasures on him at any given point in time with which to pay for goods and services is… oddly endearing. 

But, she probably should pay for her own dinner. Otherwise, he might get the wrong idea about what this dinner is. "I've got it," she says again, a finality in her voice with which he decides not to argue further. 

"If the lady insists." 

Henry, bored of their conversation, has been staring down  at the laminated menu in front of him. "What do you like on your pizza, Killian? Well, I guess you wouldn't know that. What do you think you'd like on it? Pepperoni, bacon, Canadian bacon–which is just ham–mushrooms, extra cheese--" he rattles on a list of all the available toppings, still staring at his menu, and completely misses the look that comes over Hook's face when Henry uses his given name. Emma, blessedly, had looked over at him at just the right moment, just when Henry had said "Killian", and beheld for herself the way Hook's whole face had softened. 

"Pardon?" Killian says, clearly confused. "I'm still not quite sure what it is we're ordering." 

"All right, Henry, help the poor guy out," Emma says. "Define pizza. Go.” 

Henry shakes his head, incredulous as he stares at Hook. "Wow. You're like, Amish or something." 

At that, Emma can't help the laugh that bursts out of her. Killian Jones could not possibly be further from an Amish person if he tried. For his part, Hook just frowns, mouths Amish? to himself.

"Okay," Henry goes on, "You have the crust, which is basically like bread." He holds out a hand horizontally, then stacks his other hand on top of it, alternating them with each layer he describes. "Then the sauce. Then a bunch of cheese, melted. Then whatever you want on top. Mom and I usually get the supreme, no green peppers, extra bacon, extra mushrooms. But we can get whatever you want. What do you like?" 

Killian just looks at him, flabbergasted. "Supreme is fine, I'm sure," he finally says. Emma would feel a little bad for him if this wasn't so damn funny. 

"Cool." Henry snaps his menu shut and sets it aside before turning back to his mother. "Can I get a milkshake?" 

"Definitely not," Emma says. "You had that donut at the station earlier, remember?" 

"Oh yeah," Henry mumbles, disappointed. 

It doesn't matter though, because when it comes to her son and sugar, no one in this town seems to listen to her. Ruby automatically brings out a hot chocolate with cinnamon on top and sets it in front of Henry without even asking permission. "Sorry," she says off Emma's look, sounding distinctly not sorry, "On the house. Granny insisted." 

"Thanks," Emma says wryly, sounding distinctly not thankful. 

"How's the beer?" Ruby asks Killian, who smiles up at her politely. 

"Very good. My hat's off to whichever dwarf concocted it." 

"That would be Bashful. Though he's too shy to take credit for it." 

"I imagine so," Killian says with a smirk. 

"Dwarf?" Henry asks, confused. 

Crap, Emma thinks, and tries to think on her feet, "Uh, the mining crew in town gave each other funny nicknames. Right, Ruby?" She shoots Killian a look, and he has the good sense to look abashed at his slip up. 

Ruby's eyes are wide, as if she also completely forgot they were supposed to be a completely normal town in front of Henry. "Right! They're funny that way. Anyway, I'll tell him you liked it. And I'll tell Granny to keep it on tap." She pulls out an order pad from the half apron at her waist. "What'll it be, folks?" 

"Well," Emma starts, "Killian's never tried pizza before..." 

"So we're going to change his life tonight," Henry finishes for her. 

Ruby, expectedly, shares in their shock. "Never had pizza?" She stares down at the pirate like he's suddenly grown an extra head. "What are you, lactose intolerant or something?"

"Excuse me?" Hook asks, as the mountain of his confusion just continues to grow ever taller. 

"He's just not from around here," Emma reminds Ruby pointedly, and a look of understanding washes over her. 

"Ah, right," Ruby says, "I forgot. Okay, yeah, let's change a life tonight! Pizza it is. What'll you have on it?" 

"Supreme is fine," Emma says, and Henry pipes up to add, "No green peppers, please. Extra mushrooms and bacon.” Ruby writes it down, along with the side orders, and promises to be back soon with a batch of fresh onion rings for the table. 

A comfortable silence befalls them. Killian seems relaxed, Emma notices, as he lounges against the wall, and she's surprised to find herself settling comfortably into the booth, as well. This is... nice. They haven't really had a chance to do this, her and Henry, and just hang out with someone else from her life. She's had to dance around so many things with her son, dodge so many questions, hide things and explain (read: lie) things away, with his memories gone. It's been exhausting, frankly. But, since he already knows Killian, spent an entire road trip from New York to Maine in a small car with him, this has felt fairly easy. And Henry seems to like Hook. A lot. 

But Emma should have known that this was going too well. 

"So, Killian," Henry says after a minute, having sampled his hot chocolate and found it satisfactory. "You're not from around here?" Emma's chest clenches in anxiety at whatever he's about to ask next. Please don't ask him how he lost his hand, Emma begs from behind the bars of her brain. She's not sure she can handle the amount of ducking and weaving THAT particular conversation would take. 

“That’s right,” Killian hedges, eying Henry closely, though he still looks completely at ease and prepared for whatever might possibly fall out of her son’s mouth next. 

“Are you from Great Britain? Like, England?” 

It’s almost imperceptible, the way Hook’s gaze darts to Emma before he takes another swig of his beer, and she steps in with an answer. 

“Uh, yeah,” Emma says, affecting a tone that makes her sound semi-sure but also looking to Killian for clarification, “London, right?” 

He takes the answer she hands him on a silver platter and nods easily. “That’s right. What gave me away?” 

Henry rolls his eyes, but any rudeness behind the gesture is dissipated with the smirk he attaches to it. “Uh, the accent, mostly.” 

“Ah,” Killian says with a wink. “Well, guilty as charged.” 

Emma’s not sure if they even have a version of London in the Enchanted Forest, or whatever part of that realm Killian is actually from. She vaguely remembers the Peter Pan film being set in London—probably?—but that’s about it. 

There’s a little wooden peg game hiding behind the napkin dispenser on their table, pressed up against the wall. One of those little pieces of wood with holes drilled into it, with little pegs you’re supposed to jump over each other until there is only one left. Emma knows for a fact that each of the booths has one, and that they were each hand carved by Marco. Henry watches as Hook toys with it, jumps a few pegs over each other, and Emma’s heart gives a little squeeze as Henry asks, “Do you know how to play that?”

Learning to play that simple, weirdly addictive little game was one of the staples of their Granny’s dates, in the first year she lived in Storybrooke. Every time they would sit and eat together, without fail, Henry would pull out the little piece of wood from behind the napkin dispenser and move the little pegs around. Emma caught herself doing it a few times, too, even when Henry wasn’t with her. Just stabbing the little golf tee picks into their tiny holes while she waited for her food. It was weirdly satisfying and oddly addicting. 

And now Henry has forgotten it. 

For all the memories they share of their “pretty good” life back in the big city, she knows there are a dozen more here, in this quiet, strange, terrifying little town. And while she wouldn’t trade that year she had with just her and Henry for anything in the world, she can’t help but grieve the loss of the memories she made with him here, in Storybrooke.

Hook’s voice pulls her out of her thoughts. “Aye. Want me to teach you?” 

Of course he knows how to play the silly little peg game. She watches as he explains, simply, the right strategy to win in the fewest moves. Hook slides the piece of wood over to Henry, who takes it and flips it around, eager to try for himself.

Perhaps emboldened by the fact that he doesn’t have to look at Hook when he asks, and can instead stare down at the little wooden pegs, Henry asks, as casually as possible, “So, how’d you lose your hand?” 

“Henry,” Emma starts. She can’t help the sound of a scold that wraps around her tone. 

“It’s fine,” Killian says easily, though this time he doesn’t look at Emma to give an answer for him. His left arm had been relaxing across his lap; he shifts, and brings his forearm up to rest on the table. For the most part, he had taken to wearing his prosthetic hand around Henry, in lieu of the hook. Emma and her son both can’t help but stare at it as Killian rests it on the table. 

If she’s honest, Emma misses the hook. If she’s honest, she never really actually thinks of Hook as an amputee. She’s seen him make a few creative alterations to movements more able-bodied people would traditionally use two hands for, sure. Using  his teeth to pull a cork from its bottle, or to sexily tie a scarf around her bleeding hand, for one. 

She knows he’s missing a hand. Logically, she knows this. She called him “Hook” 99.9% of the time, until she had to stop when Henry was around. It rolled off her tongue so easily, and several times, she’s had to stop herself from blurting it out in front of Henry. But it’s almost as if half the time it doesn’t even register in her brain that there are some things he can’t do as easily or as quickly as other people.

Now, as she stares down at the leather-wrapped prosthetic on the table in front of her, she finds herself missing the namesake to his more colorful moniker. To her utter horror, when she realizes she’s been very obviously staring, she glances up at Hook’s face, and she finds he’s been watching her for a while now. Emma feels heat pool in her cheeks instantly, and she leans back. But graciously, Killian only smiles softly at her, seeming, yet again, to read her thoughts easily. As if he knows she misses the hook. The bastard has the audacity to wink at her. 

Oblivious to the unspoken conversation happening right beside him between his mom and the strange man across from him, Henry pipes up, “If you don’t want to talk about it, you don’t have to.” He sounds nervous, like he realizes the gravity of his social blunder and suddenly wants to give Killian an out. “Really. I… I’m sorry I asked.” He shoots an apologetic look to Emma, who tries her best to look stern. 

There’s a moment of silence that stretches out between them where Emma genuinely doesn’t know what Hook is going to say next. So many directions this conversation could go, so many versions of the truth, the unbelievable truth, that he could go with. Emma is very aware that she’s holding her breath, but she can’t seem to let it go until Killian says something. It’s the one thing in this moment she feels like she has control over. 

“Truth be told, lad,” Killian finally says on the end of a sigh, “It happened so long ago, I hardly remember what it’s like having two hands.” 

Emma releases the air she’d been holding captive in her lungs, and in place of the tightness in her airway comes a little pang in her heart. She knows this story, but she’s never asked him about this story. They’ve never talked about that moment, just the two of them, when Milah was murdered right in front of him, and then he had his hand cut off. It’s horrible, truly. She takes the horror of it for granted, and she suddenly very much does not want Henry to hear this story, even in whatever veiled shape Hook wants to tell it. It’s Killian’s story, his hand that was lost, and it’s his right to tell Henry whatever he wants about it. Emma’s heart grieves for this man before her and the tremendous losses that have shaped him. But she does not want her son to hear this story. She’s not even sure she wants to hear this story. 

Life has softened Emma too much, she fears, because while she imagines herself as being quite tough and immune to the awfulness of the world, she knows these feelings are showing quite clearly on her face and in her eyes, which are shining just a little brighter as she watches Hook. He looks up abruptly, meeting her gaze, and her heart leaps like she’s just been jump scared. 

“So you were just a kid when it happened?” Henry asks, and Hook huffs out a little laugh through his nose. 

“Not exactly, no.” 

Henry frowns. “I don’t understand.” 

Emma doesn’t envy either of them in this moment, but she especially does not envy Hook, whom she watches with nothing but sympathy. 

And in the end, Hook goes for the blunt, almost-truth of the matter. “Lost it to a Crocodile.” When he looks up at Henry, it’s with a smirk playing across his features. One that Emma sees right through. 

Henry’s mouth falls open in shock, like that was literally the last thing he was expecting Killian to say. “No way! Seriously? A crocodile bit your hand off?” 

Even Hook can’t disguise the smile—a genuine one, this time—that comes over his face at Henry’s utter, boyish exuberance at this answer. Emma’s heart swells an extra size, watching them. Of course Henry would think that was awesome, the idea of someone’s hand getting bitten off by what is essentially a modern-day dinosaur. “Aye,” Hook says, shooting Emma a knowing glance. “As I said, I lost my hand to a Crocodile.” 

“What, like in Australia or something?” Henry asks. 

“Something like that.” 

The beauty of this moment is that Hook doesn’t even really have to lie to Henry. He seemingly doesn’t have to do anything more than slightly bend the truth; Henry’s too amped up to even listen to the full answers to his questions, and Killian can continue to dole out the most vague answers on the planet. 

“Did you live there?” Henry asks. “When you were a kid?” 

“Lad, I’ve lived in and seen more places than I care to count,” Hook says, with a gleam in his eyes, “And none of them, I assure you, are more interesting and alluring than this very town.” 

Emma doesn’t imagine his gaze flitting over to her when he says the word “alluring”. She knows she doesn’t. And yet, he’s so quick about it, keeping his focus entirely on her son, that she can’t be sure. 

“Really?” Henry asks, dubious. “This town? Storybrooke?” 

“Aye,” Killian says, “I promise you, my boy. There’s more to this place than meets the eye. You just have to be willing to see, for yourself.” 

It’s the kind of answer an old, wizened Santa Claus would tell a kid in a Christmas movie about a town that was secretly the North Pole or something. It’s probably the corniest thing she’s ever heard him say that wasn’t a pickup line. And yet, Emma is surprised to find warmth prick her eyes at his attempt to make Henry feel more at home here, more interested in this town that her city boy son has written off entirely as Boringville, USA. And she gets that—she really does. She didn’t exactly think Storybrooke was hip-hop and happenin’ when she first rolled into town, either. 

Then again, she also didn’t think it was full of fairytale characters. Literal royalty from another realm. Evil queens with magic. Humanoid crickets, for God’s sake. Henry’s family is here. Whether he knows it or not, everyone in this town knows him, and so many of those people love him, would die for him in a heartbeat. And while she can’t pretend she isn’t ready to take him back to New York City the second this is all over, it hurts her heart that he doesn’t even remember those people. 

All talk of special towns and missing hands cease, however, as Ruby returns and sets a massive, loaded pizza in front of them. 

Emma has the satisfaction of watching Hook’s eyes go wide. And whatever she expected him to say, it isn’t the ineloquent, “Whoa,” that falls from his mouth. Emma and Ruby both can’t help but laugh at him. 

“Looks pretty great, huh?” Henry says, already grabbing himself a plate and eying the slice he wants. 

“One life-changing pizza, as ordered!” Ruby says with a grin. “Prepare to be dazzled, Captain.” 

Henry looks over at Emma, mouthing Captain?

“Navy,” Emma whispers, thinking quick on her feet. Henry shrugs and starts piling his plate up with pizza. He carefully positions his chosen slices to make room for the fries that Ruby sets in front of him. 

“There we go, folks,” Ruby says, leaning back with her hand on her hip to inspect the table. “Anything else we need? Refill on that beer, Killian?” 

Emma gives a mental tip of her hat to Ruby for how easily the name Killian rolls off her tongue, like she’s said it a thousand times. Hook, for his part, looks momentarily taken aback that she even knows his given name. “Uh, yes,” he says, “Sure, I’ll take another.” 

It’s a true delight, Emma finds, to see one of the most eloquent, loquacious people she knows (next to Gold, probably, which is a noticed similarity she will not be sharing with Hook) so continuously dumbfounded. It brings her great joy, actually, to keep seeing him rendered speechless by such average things.  

“Sure thing.” Ruby nods and reaches over to snatch up his empty mug. “Coming right up.” 

Ruby leaves, and Emma shakes her head at the absurdity of it all. A werewolf, giving a refill to a pirate of a beer that was illegally home brewed by a dwarf. What even is her life anymore? These are the things she didn’t even know she was missing in New York. Not for the first time, there’s a pang in her heart as she wishes she could share in the joke with Henry. She looks over at her son, watches him squirt ketchup over his fries like he’s trying to torture information out of them. Something of these thoughts must show on her face, because after a moment, she feels a little bump on the toe of her boot. When she looks up, Killian is looking at her, his expression soft, and he offers her a small smile. 

It’ll be all right, Swan, his eyes seem to say, and she feels herself relax a fraction. She smiles back at him, thankful. 

Whatever moment that’s happening between them is interrupted by Henry. “Killian,” he says, though the name is turned to absolute mush by the food in his mouth, “Pizza!” 

“Good Lord,” Emma says, shaking her head at him, “Who raised you, kid? Don’t talk with your mouth so full.” 

Henry takes a few gulps from his Sprite, swallowing it all down. “Ah, sorry. I said, ‘Killian, pizza.’”

Hook, for his part, looks thoroughly amused. “Yes, lad, I’d gathered that.” He looks down at their gigantic round entree with what can only be described as suspicion. “Do I just dig in then? No forks with you savages?” 

Emma huffs a laugh. “Only weirdos eat pizza with a fork.” Though, as she watches Henry hang onto a particularly large piece with two hands, she adds, “Unless that’s easier for you. Then be as weird as you want.” 

Killian waves off any concern on her part with a flick of his hand. “When in Storybrooke, eat as the Storybrookians do and all that.”  He slips a slice of pizza off the stand, letting it fall onto a plate with an audible plop, which he frowns down at. 

“Storybrookians?” Emma laughs. “No way. There’s got to be something better than that out there.” 

Hook shrugs, quirking a brow at her. “I’ll have to check with the mayor.” 

“She’s nice,” Henry pipes up, mouth blessedly less full this time. “She took me out for ice cream.” 

Emma and Hook, for what feels like the thousandth time this evening, swap glances. Henry, too engrossed in his pizza, doesn’t seem to notice. Moments later, when Ruby returns with Killian’s beer, being the spectacular mind reader she apparently is, she also comes bearing another Sprite for Henry and a second iced tea for Emma. 

“You’re amazing,” Emma tells her. 

“I know,” Ruby responds with a wink. “I’ll come check on you guys in a bit. If you need anything, just give a whistle.” She turns on her heel and heads back toward the kitchen, leaving them alone with their life-changing pizza. 

“All right,” Emma says, and her tone sings time’s up, buddy. “Eat up or shut up.” 

Killian chuckles, shaking his head at her. “That the saying, is it?” 

“Yup,” Emma says, popping the “P” on the end. “Sure is. Pizza time. Time to really become a man of the times.” Hook eyes the loaded slice of pizza on his plate skeptically, and Emma thinks of young Simba right before he tried a grub for the first time. “Hakuna matata, pal.” 

Henry, immediately getting the reference, laughs loudly at her side, and Emma beams. Hook looks between the two of them, once again a confused, eyeliner-wearing puppy. The poor man shakes his head, as if he’s just completely done trying to understand everything they say, and as they continue to snicker at his expense, he reaches down, scoops up his slice of pizza with his hand, and takes a bite of it. The thing is so loaded up with toppings that a few black olives abandon ship and fall back down to the plate with a soft tink. 

They both watch him expectantly. Hook, being the good sport he is, lets them stare at them while he eats. He swallows, then washes the rest of it down with a swig of beer. 

Emma and Henry give him a solid three seconds before they say, simultaneously, “Well?” 

“I’ve certainly had worse, by way of sustenance.” Hook says, shrugging, and they both groan. 

“Are you kidding me?” Emma says. “You try pizza for the first time and that’s all you have to say about it? You’ve had better?” 

“I believe what I said was that I’ve had worse food, Swan,” Hook clarifies, pointing at her with the prosthetic hand, “Which is a compliment.” 

“In what realm is that a compliment?” 

“He’s right,” comes Henry’s sigh. “This pizza is mid at best.” 

Mid? Killian mouths to Emma. She shrugs, for once just as lost as he is. 

“The pizza back in New York is way better,” Henry says, and Emma can’t argue with that. 

“He’s right. New York City does pizza like you wouldn’t believe.” 

“Yeah,” Henry says, “Remember the cart guy by our apartment that would sell it by the slice?” 

“Yes!” Emma cries. “Pizza Phil!” 

“You bought pizza from a man in a cart?” Killian asks, looking truly befuddled, clearly envisioning some kind of horse and buggy roadside pizza situation in the congested streets of New York City. 

“Not that kind of cart,” Emma clarifies with a smile. “Like a little… stand, I guess. He’d make it there, in this brick oven on wheels thing he had, and then he’d just sell it by the slice.” 

“It was awesome,” Henry says emphatically. “Best pizza in town. Sometimes Mom would let me have it for breakfast on our way to school.” 

“Yeah, well,” Emma says wryly, “Those weren’t exactly my best mothering moments. Sometimes we overslept, and pizza for breakfast it was.” 

“I disagree,” Henry says around his straw, as he finishes off the last of his second Sprite. Another not great mothering moment, Emma thinks to herself. But tonight is a special night. Henry goes on, “I think those were actually your best mothering moments.” 

“And this cart man’s pizza was better?” Hook asks, slowly, making a very valiant effort to keep up with them. “Back in New York City?” 

“New York pizza has a thinner crust,” Emma explains. “So you get more of the cheese and toppings. It’s pretty great.” 

“The best,” Henry asserts. “I wish we could have had you try it before we came here.” There’s something wistful in his tone that hurts Emma’s heart. She knows full well the bagels, pizza, and honestly food in general in Storybrooke leave much to be desired, and that her son misses the big city. She wants to make it up to him, somehow. He’s been so patient with her, through all this, and so trusting, and her heart swells with affection for him. 

“Alas,” Hook says, with a wry look to Emma, “My experience with New York City cuisine leaves much to be desired.” Vaguely, she remembers something about barbaric brigs and being force fed something called bologna. She shakes her head at him, though she doesn’t even bother trying to hide her laughter. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Emma says with a roll of her eyes. “All right, so we’re not as well-traveled as you are. Sue us. We’re simple folk. We like our pizza.” 

“And I will not begrudge you for that, Swan.” 

“Are there any other pizza places in town?” Henry pipes up.

“I don’t… actually know,” Emma says, glancing at Hook, who shrugs. 

“We should definitely find out,” Henry says. “We gotta try everything this town has to offer while we’re here, and compare it to back home.” 

Emma’s heart squeezes. She can feel Killian’s eyes on her, but she knows if she looks at him, she’s going to lose the battle against the tears suddenly pricking her eyes. Her voice is a little husky when she answers  with, “Yeah, kid. Sure thing.” 

“You’ll come with us?” Henry asks, looking to Hook. “Be brave again, try some more pizza?” 

Hook chuckles lowly, but nods and says, “I think I can be brave, Henry."

“Good,” Henry says, and the grin that lights up her son’s face makes Emma’s breath catch in her throat. He has the best smile, and she hasn’t seen it enough lately. 

They finish their pizza, or as much of it as they can eat, with Henry making the biggest dent. Hook, brave as he is, finishes his slice, and then dares to go for a second, which Emma counts as a win. She doesn’t keep Henry up too late, but they stay late into the evening, much later than Emma had originally intended when she took her son to Granny’s for a hot chocolate and offered to buy Hook a beer. 

And for the first time in a long time, with wicked green witches, curses, her son’s missing memories, and flying monkeys abounding, a peace settles into Emma’s heart. And for the first time in a long time, at least for this moment, she truly feels like everything really is going to be okay. 

[kattythingz]

For the ask game thing, J K R X!

Hoooh? You're approaching me? Well, if you dare...

J - what’s your favorite fanfic trope? Have you written it?

I ADORE A VERY SPECIFIC FLAVOR OF CANON REWRITES. Basically: what if canon but my blorbo was treated as the love interest (and all the cliches that come with that, yes, hello I love whump) and my ship is endgame?

Think literally just Crown. The entire concept came to me years ago because I wanted, so desperately, to see a world where Ed was basically treated as Ling's love interest. And how that would change the plot! How would their relationship develop? How would they act AFTER they're dating? Blorbo treated as love interest + established relationship MY FUCKING BELOVED.

I did it to Ed again with Reliable Conclusion; I did it long before that to Stiles with Sweet Disaster; and I've most definitely contemplated doing it to Shinichi in a kaishin "what if Shinichi played Aoko's role in Magic Kaito" au.

If this trope has no fans left, it's because I'm DEAD.

K - do you have a guilty pleasures in fic (reading or writing)?

Oh, dude, SO MANY. SO SO MANY. I've already said I like my favs being treated as love interests, so you can imagine all the "stupid cliche" positions that I like to write said favs into. I CAN'T HELP IT MAN. I know my blorbos are competent in canon, and I'll never erase that! Any "weak" situation I ever write them into HAS to make canonical sense to me, otherwise I just. I can't.

But also, what's wrong with a strong character needing to be saved? Ed, for example, altho yes yes he's disabled, is also just human. Even without his automail kicking his ass, as a human he can still inherently be weak! You just need to know where to apply that weakness!

Also I really like dressing my favs pretty, heh. I FIND THEM PRETTY AND THUS THEY DESERVE TO LOOK THE PRETTIEST. TIS THE LAW!!!

R - which writers (fanfic or otherwise) do you consider the biggest influence on you and your writing?

Right off the top of my head, SiryyGray from Capra comes to mind. The way they tied Ed's flashbacks into the narrative so time feels WACK. The way their writing style is so damn atmospheric and vintage somehow, like you're IN those 1940s with Ed. THE WAY THEY TIED THAT WHOLE BOY WITH A COMPASS STORY INTO THE LARGER NARRATIVE AND IT HELD THEMATIC MEANING? I ATE THAT SHIT UP.

Their writing style definitely directly influenced mine! Honestly, I've caught myself thinking back on Capra a lot whenever I'm trying to write certain scenes in my own fics.

I can also cite The Map to Everywhere book series (highly recommend) as direct inspo that taught me to just, have FUN with formatting! Even in a published book! That series is my favorite in the whole world and it has so much fun with its visuals and formatting! I really admire it.

X - how would you categorize your fanfic reading? Are you a voracious reader? Do you carefully pick and choose? Something in between?

Oh, god no, I am DEFINITELY picky. Like, "I'm striving to become a professional literary editor" picky. I try so hard but unless your premise is EXTREMELY captivating and ticks all my trope boxes, then even slightly mediocre writing will turn me off at times. I can't unsee if there's a dialogue tag every single line; if the punctuation's bad; if two characters speak in the same paragraph. Every fanfic pet peeve you can think of, I've clicked off a fic from.

It's unfortunate, because I remember being 12 and reading every cool sounding fic I could get my hands on. But my writing's evolved a lot over the years. And so have my expectations for fics because of that. It's not rlly sth I can turn off in my brain anymore, as much as I wish I could sometimes.

[sideprince]

I don't know if you have already answered this question: is there something in Snape's life that you wanted to see in The Price's Tale? For example, I think we deserved more information about "the prank".

I haven't yet! Sorry it's taken me so long to get to this ask...

There are definitely moments I wish had been included in The Prince's Tale, but I feel like it's difficult to separate what's in it/what's missing from it from Rowling's own issues as a writer and the way they intersect with Snape's story, or rather, how she tells it. Namely, her issues around writing women and her lack of research and minimal understanding of radicalization and fascist movements. Not to be a downer, because I feel like this is a very fun ask that's probably more about having curiosity around the character of Snape and playing around with what may have been there that we didn't see, but I can't help feeling that those moments are missing often because of what Rowling herself was overlooking or not thinking of.

I wish there were moments between him and Lily that showed us why they were best friends. It can't just be because they were the only magical kids in Cokeworth. There isn't one scene we see between them where Lily is affectionate or their mutual chemistry is apparent, not even a wry smile. The closest scene is when they're laying in the grass by the river as kids and Lily is asking him about the magical world. We understand through Snape's memories that he had a great deal of love for Lily, but it's not really apparent why. Rowling's issues with writing women as fully developed, interesting characters gets in the way, and although we're told they were close friends, we're never shown it. I'd have loved to see a moment or two where we see why they clicked. It could have been woven into the existing story as simply as the two of them exchanging a wordless criticism with just a shared look in the compartment on the Hogwarts Express when James and Sirius were being mean.

But it could also have been something more meaningful - after all, these are Snape's final thoughts, the most important moments of his life that connect to the information he needs to convey to Harry. Maybe a birthday gift Lily gave him, something small, a book she bought that she saved up her allowance for, and the impact on Snape of her putting thought and effort into it. I honestly would have loved something even as simple as just seeing Lily's humor and Snape's - not just him smiling when she says his name, but the two of them laughing freely. The tragedy of that lost friendship would have hit even more if we had seen a mutual affection, an understanding between two best friends, and an innocence that was consumed by a war and their separation into rival houses.

I also wish we had seen any of Snape's home life. We get the impression that he didn't like to talk about it too much and that Lily may not have quite understood how bad it was (given that Rowling has said that Snape's dad beat him with a belt, and the only reference to his home life we see is Lily asking if his parents have stopped arguing, plus the glimpse of them doing just that when Harry breaks into Snape's mind in OOtP). We have a couple of allusions to Snape's relationship with his mother:

He knows a fair bit about the wizarding world, including about dementors and Azkaban, what to expect at Hogwarts, and the Statute of Secrecy. Presumably, as there don't seem to be other wizards in Cokeworth, his mother has told him about these things. Either that or he overheard her talking to someone else/read her letters to someone/found information on it among her things (like wherever she kept her textbooks that he would inherit).

When Lily asks him, “Does it make a difference, being Muggle-born?” Snape hesitates before replying no. This implies that he's aware of pureblood bias in the wizarding world, and is making a decision about how much of his knowledge to share with Lily, or perhaps about his own stance on it. (There's something lovely in his perceiving her insecurity and choosing to shield her from knowledge that would exacerbate it.)

On the train platform, Eileen is described as, “thin, sallow-faced, sour-looking” as well as greatly resembling Severus.

This isn't much to go on, but we can reasonably infer a complicated relationship, and a woman who is emotionally closed off and/or judgmental. She's a wizard who dresses her son in hand-me-downs so either she's not very good at transfiguration or she doesn't care about him enough to allow him the basic dignity of clothes that fit and make him comfortable. I would have loved to have seen a moment or two in Snape's memories that show his relationship with his parents, and they could have been a good opportunity to also show his (possibly codependent?) relationship with Lily as he goes to her for comfort after. I don't think she would have consciously offered him any, but rather that she was a way for him to escape his home life and convince himself that he was fine. His closed-off response when Lily asks him if his parents are still fighting implies that the subject has come up before, but also that Lily doesn't understand how bad the situation is and Snape doesn't want her to (which makes sense, most abused children don't realize how abnormal and extreme their experiences are - we accept the norms we're presented with). There could have even been something as simple as Snape showing him mom a new bit of magic he learned to do and her trying to suppress it in him lest his father see and get upset, and him then showing his new skill to Lily who appreciates it and tries to learn it. This is just an example, but it would have shown a tense dynamic at home in which Eileen prioritizes not angering Tobias to protect Severus, who as a child would only perceive a kind of rejection that he seeks Lily out to replace with validation. This would make sense in the dynamic Rowling set up, and is more complex and interesting than his "greedy" looks and Lily's questions about the wizarding world.

(Before I move on from the Snape and Lily childhood moments, I also want to say, I really don't like Rowling's use of the word "greedy" in The Prince's Tale. It feels aggressive and judgmental, and also out of place in describing a child who lives in abject poverty. My assumption is that what she meant was more of a hunger in Snape's face, or perhaps a determined ambition to get to know Lily, which would align with how his personality is otherwise written.)

The other thing I would have loved to see more of is his Death Eater arc. The whole point of Snape giving these memories to Harry is to explain himself, and convince him to listen to Dumbledore's instructions at the end (which, btw, Dumbledore's portrait could have done, but we all love a bit of drama, so fair). The idea that Snape defected from the DEs only because Lily's life was threatened feels like a weak character motivation and is one of the many ways that Rowling illustrates her naivete and lack of understanding of fascist movements, their use of radicalization as a tool to prey on vulnerable people, and their cult-like dynamics (and that's probably why she fell victim to radicalization herself). I've written a little bit about it before (please don't make me find the link), but I think that Voldemort's going after Lily wasn't the catalyst in Snape's defection, but the final thread that snapped.

When he and Lily argue outside Gryffindor Tower after SWM he doesn't deny it when she accuses him of wanting to be a Death Eater, but he also doesn't own it. He doesn't take pride in it and try to convince her that if only she understood what he does, she would get it. By that point he's been established as an ambitious boy who knew what house he wanted to be sorted in even before starting school - when Lily is sorted into Gryffindor, Snape is sorted into Slytherin so quickly that it's clear he hadn't even considered changing his mind in order to follow Lily. He scoffs at James on the train when he says he wants to be a Gryffindor. It can therefore be assumed that Snape isn't refraining from arguing with Lily because he's deferring to her opinion or trying to appease her. While an argument could be made that he lost his confidence through years of bullying by that night outside Gryffindor Tower, I think that, if anything, that would have made him feel an even stronger need to identify with a group like the aspiring DEs in Slytherin. There's also a bit of a disconnect between the way Lily refers to him and his friends wanting to join Voldemort and be DEs, and no one having come to Snape's defense that afternoon, not even from his own house.

And while this has veered off a bit into meta, my point is: Snape's experiences of becoming a Death Eater and eventually defecting seem complex and I would have loved to have been shown more of it. It would have been a useful thing to convey to Harry as well. Was there a moment when he became disillusioned? Was there a moment when he started feeling shame? Maybe he thought, as someone who had been bullied for years and abused at home, that once he was on the other side of that experience and in a position of power over someone else, he would feel confident and secure and safe. Maybe the first time he experienced being in that position, he instead felt pity and shame and it was like having the rug pulled out from under him. Revenge is never as satisfying as you think it will be, and something either happened to Snape, or was maybe always there, to make him choose to treat Sirius humanely at the end of PoA and hand him over to the authorities instead of using the excuse to wreak vengeance on him firsthand. I'd have loved to see moments that show us his growth as a person - profound realizations in volatile circumstances that prompted him to find a way out from Voldemort's ranks, and maybe a glimpse of how dangerous that way out was.

Rowling held so much back about Snape - a complex, grey, nuanced character - in order to drop this big reveal about him and Lily at the end of DH. When she finally told his story, all of it was focused around Lily, a character who wasn't developed and who we only see being reactive. The veil is lifted on Snape but only enough to show that he had a deep love for Lily (who, by the way, I think he would have referred to as Lily Evans even after her death, not Potter, and I will fight Rowling on this but then I'd fight her on a lot of much more important things so that's not saying much). We still don't find out much about Snape's life, background, or experiences, and even less about Lily. I wish there had been a lot more to The Prince's Tale than "sorry kid, I did it all for your mom because of my guilt in failing her as a friend." It's one of those moments that feels exciting when you first read it, but the potential to build it out into something that improves on re-reading the books was kind of lost.

And yes! We absolutely deserved more information about the prank! Could have been great to see Lupin bully Snape actively before it, and compare it to his lack of involvement in SWM. Could have been fascinating to see the dynamic between him and James as the latter tries to pull him back, or even the moment in Dumbledore's office where he's told to keep quiet, and how that moment contributed to his radicalization! Harry spends most of DH processing and questioning his relationship with Dumbledore and learning about him, and seeing Snape have a similar experience from the opposite direction would have been fantastic. Ie. where Harry venerates Dumbledore until DH when he begins to doubt him, Snape doubts Dumbledore and grows to trust and respect him over time. I'm sure there's more that I could think of, but this answer is already incredibly long so I'll leave it here for now.

[canonically47]

Dawn of the Final Review

DISVENTURE CAMP: ALL-STARS - THE FINAL REVIEW, AKA: THANK FUCK IT'S OVER!!!

SPOILERS!!! (no duh.)

this is a very long ramble btw. so so long. be aware!

the scene of marcus and nina in the cave was so useless i almost laughed. nina's delivery was so bad i giggled

tom's little shake was so fun, it's too bad the entirety of DSVC is in the same exact total drama style and ever took any fun creative liberties with their animation like those

thank you ONC for making the entirety of ashley's arc revolve around jake and his relationship drama, i totally wasn't interested in learning more about her. that half-assed background story does not make her deeper and in fact makes her appear even more shallow. your priorities are obvious and your treatment of your female characters is disgusting.

yay huntally!! so glad they got development as well! they were so fun for the whole time they argued

"you grew more than anyone here" ONC trying to make us think anyone had a worthy arc is laughable, but ALLY, GROWING AS A PERSON??? BAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH

"i'm sorry for being insufferable sometimes" "sometimes?" realest hunter moment ever

huntessally moment :( this is what we could've had :( fuck you genuinely ONC

ELLIE MOMENT ELLIE MOMENT ELLIE MOMENT IT'S ELLIE IT'S ELLIE TIME OMG I LOVE YOU ELLIE MY BELOVED ELLIE I LOVE YOU ELLIE ELLIE ELLIE

ew ally I MEAN yay ally... ally development moment... this is not at all half-assed or uninteresting...

LMFAOAOOAOAOAOAOOAOAOAO riya having nobody interested

ALEC MOMENT ALEC MOMENT ALEC MOMENT YAYAYAYAYYAYA ALEC ALEC ALEC

jake not choosing tom was fucking HILARIOUS. thank you jake

ewewewewewew why tom ewew ew why the fucking puppy eyes.. you're a grown ass man.... why is ashley entertaining this.. ONC WHY DO YOU FUCKING WRITE LIKE THIS

"why is this the most stressful thing i've ever done?" cuz you're a fucking idiot???

oh the poor patreons that waste their money on this shit :// sorry guys, my condolences again!! <33

this is going to be so historically inaccurate i can feel it

ok strong start, interesting premise

GO TEAM JAKE

i just know they put them in these costumes for fan service... they're so historically inaccurate it hurts like.. actually

YAOI MOMENT??? I BEG YOUR FINEST FUCKING PARDON???????

ONC trying to be hip with the kids is crazy

alellie crumbs omg i miss you dynamic duo

"don't waste your time being my shields" that's...that's their job.....??????????

alec would NOT back down from that

OMG OMGOMGOGMG FIORE FIORE MOMENT FATHER-DAUGHTER MOMENT I'M CRYING

OMGOMGOMG THE WAY ALEC GRABBED HER I'M GOING TO SOB

"YOU COULD'VE BEEN KILLED" "okay, now i'm hurt" MY LOVELIESSSSSSS I'M SOBBINGNGNNGNGNG I MISSED THEM SO MUCHHHHH WAHHHHHHHH

i'm ignoring what's happening to continue ranting about them I LOVE THEM SO MUCHHCHCHCHCH

YES ALEC GO KING

FIORE IS AN ICON

THEY'RE BOTH AAAAAAAAAAURHGHGHGHGH

WHAT IF I SOBBEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

YESSS GABBY MOMENT GABBY MOMENT I LOVE YOU GABBY GABBY MOMENT

not to be a bitch but this is kind of the most boring finale ever, they're not actively doing anything, they're just trying not to get hit, it's annoying how they're not actually like. having to work for this actively

oh my god riya i will kill you

GABBY NOOOOOOO

i love how the scar is totally inaccurate

OH MY GOD TOM ARE YOU OKAY

jake run tf are you doing

...............oh.

riya you are a MOTHERFUCKER.

GO OFF ELLIE

i fucking love you gabellie

i love how nobody is volunteering to help riya, at least ONC know how hated she has become both in and out of the show

"i just didn't think riya would go out of her way to screw me over" "do you hear yourself?" realest tomjake moment ever

urhghghghgh i just had to say tomjake moment...

EW WHAT WAS THAT SHUSHING...

they're disgusting. not for being gay but for being allo

TREMILY MOMENT!!!

what was that face trevor made lmao they couldn't afford a :3 face or what

ELLIE AND JAKE MOMENT?????

FUUUUUUUUUUCK YEAAAAAAAAA

THEY'RE SO BACK THEY'RE SO BACK THEY'RE SO BACK

yay finally they're actually doing something! we all know jake is winning come on it's kids cartoon logic that the one without the upgrade always wins

GO JAKEEE !!!

OMG BOTH HIS BOYFRIENDS CHEERED ON HIM JAJAKEDEN REAL <333

...aaand he's down. strong... start.......???

alec with his hand on fiore's shoulder :( <3

YAY GO JAKE!!!

the slow-motion looks so goofy lol

YAY JAKE

LMFAO HUNTER WITH THE 😃👍

sorry jake's wheezing is so funny to me

JAKEEE GET UP PLEASE GET UP

MAN FUCK TOM JUST GET UP

i hate how they panned to ashley after that, like yasss tell us her only role was being jake's bff !!!

"friendship speeches" she hates tomjake more than me iconic

FUCK HER UP JAKE

FUCK HER UPPPPP

NO

PLEASE. DO NOT.

.....oh my god.

oh. my god.

they actually did that.

...what the fuck.

jake :(

jake... what the fuck his whining is getting to me fuck i love him so much he's :(((

NOBODY IS HAPPY FOR HER I'M SO GLAD

"another incredible season" yeah sure

ugh whatever at least it's over who cares

oh yay wishley! who the fuck cares.

FIORE AND ALEC HOW I LOVE YOU SO <333

OMGGG LAKE AND JAIDEN <333

man yk what fuck it, i'll be the bigger person and admit tomjake was cute this episode. it doesn't take away from the fact that they fucking sucked all season, but it gives them some points in my mind. maybe in another universe ONC could've actually written them well from start to finish, but for now, i'll take my crumbs and admit i can fid them somewhat cute

not letting go of arospec tom though. never.

sobbing /pos <333333333

crazy how they got three polycules in the same shot woah. huntessally, tomjajakeden & gabgrellie real?!??!?!?!?!!!

they're literally girlfriends

FUCK YES CONNOR

YES STAND YOUR GROUND MY MAN

"i won" "was it worth it?" FUCK. YES. FUCK!! YES!!!!

"have a nice life, riya." THIS IS THE ENDING YOU DESERVE BITCH

HELL YESSS HELL YES HELL YEAH FUCK YES

not even mad she won !!! bc at least they despise her

yay quit i do't want more seasons

why is oliver so pressed

"the producers won't cancel the show if you leave" FUCK.

ughhh trevek again...

HOLY SHIT ROSA MARIA AND SOFIA

OH MY GOD LILL AND NICK??? HELLO??? HELL-FUCKING-O???

OH MY GOD :((( THIS SEGMENT :(((

OWHWUWUWHWHW... HUNTALLY...

TOMJAKE AND MIRIAM...

OH GRETT...

ORUHGHGHGHGHGH FIORE AND ALEC ALEC SHAVED :(( ALEC SHAVED :((((( HE MOVED ON FINALLY

lmao fuck you riya

wanna bet eesha will be in the next season

oh.. the soft piano.... it's........doing something to me......................

THEY PUT TREVEK MISSING TRUMP IN THE CREDITS LMFAOAOOAOAOA

crazy how i've seen like.. all this fanart.... i fw this fandom heavy

JAKEDEN IN THE CREDITS WE WON

JAKEDEN TWICE WE WON FR

sigh. so, it's over! i definitely have a lot of... mixed feelings on this season. as you've noticed if you've kept up with my reviews, i constantly went from loving it, to hating it, to despising it with every fiber of my being, to liking it, to disliking it, and then repeating that cycle numerous times in different orders.

disventure camp: all-stars was definitely bad. sadly, no amount of sweet piano music and decently-written moments will make me forget how much i have become frustrated with this show. i would not recommend this show to anyone purely because of DCAS and its surprisingly bad quality. the writing was inconsistent and messy, the character arcs felt forced and with little to no pay-off, the ships were badly handled, the female characters were always, without fail, put down or cast aside for the male characters, the WLW couple was brushed off for the MLM ones, and so forth.

disventure camp is imperfect in every way, but i will acknowledge the fact that it is made with love (because it's not care that's for sure SORRY, sorry i'll be nice). even though i joke about how i feel bad for the patreons or those that genuinely like it and do not see its flaws, i still find myself attached to this show. i can understand why others would be, too. as a writer, i can never brush past their many, many mistakes, but i will admit they have their good moments.

they have the occasional character that escapes their wrath - jake, for example, was probably the best character this season. i've seen many complain about him because they were unable to let go of their biases, but i genuinely believe he was phenomenal. after spending so much time stuck in the same mindset, he managed to grow as a person. he befriended aiden, he got over & forgave tom, and hey, he got the boy back. their ending also makes me feel hopeful for their spin-off, even though i wish they had never gotten one because there are much more interesting characters worth exploring.

grett's arc was close to being as great as jake's, but ONC cannot really write female characters. i guess they're listening to fresh TV's teachings? she had her moments, but she was held back from true greatness. she deserved to make finale, if not win - but that's maybe biased so i'll just leave it at this lol

we got some fun friendships this season, such as ashley & jake, grett & gabby, connor & alec, and i am trying so hard to be positive right now and ignore that two of them were ruined/not carried out to their full potential because of relationship drama

okay, super positive time, I FUCKING LOVE THAT FIORE AND ALEC MADE UP. OKAY. I WAS STARTING TO LOSE HOPE SO BADLY THAT THE BEAST ALMOST MADE ME INTO A TREE (hi corn are you proud i made a OTGW reference. love u corn) BUT ALAS I CUT MYSELF FREE BECAUSE FUCK YES WE GOT THEM BACK!!! WE GOT THEM BACK!!!!!!!!!! I'M SO HAPPYYYYYYYYY <333 <333 <333

their development was probably the best relationship development in this season and i am SO. HAPPY YOU GUYS. oh my GOD. i missed them SOOO BADLY <333 that last episode REALLY fed us alec & fiore father-daughter nation holy shit i love them

i really wish things were... so, so different this season. i wanted to see actual growth in characters and relationships, less petty drama and more actual strategy, and, you know, for the winner to not be the second-placing person from the second season. that. that was bad. we can all agree that despite everyone hating on her it was bad right. like that. should not have been the ending

i wish some characters hadn't just come back to be vessels for drama. ashley and connor were only there for the development of jake and riya respectively and it kills me how obvious it is. the only reason i dislike ashley is because all she is, is jake's bff who played a small part in getting him with tom. her entire role is just to be there for a gay ship. that SUCKS.

huntessally should've also been a bigger part of the season and have gotten together. i will never not be mad about ONC not giving us the polyamorous rep they kept teasing. because c'mon why confirm them all as mspec and promote them together in social media and pride posts if you just made ally & hunter the couple and not all of them together. i mean sure i'm okay with them being '''just''' friends, not everything has to be romantic & having even MORE allos on this show would've been exhausting but. huntessally :(((

ALEC SHOULD'VE BEEN IN THE FINALE there i said my bias there it is. also fun fact before DCAS my choice for the winner was actually tom. uh now i don't even like the guy so. yea i wish we had gotten a grett-alec and someone else other than riya finale with alec winning. he deserved it before they ruined him for that tiny bit but it's okay we don't talk about it

the finale gets 7/10 and, overall, DCAS gets a 4/10. not enough decent points to get it the, if you will, passing grade. again, i will never recommend it to anyone ever. i tried to be positive - and truly there are some things i like about this show! all that screaming i did above over gabellie, fiore & alec and so forth was real excitement i promise !! - but it's a fucking trainwreck.

for my sake, i hope i do not watch disventure camp season 4. i'm probably not leaving the fandom indefinitely, i will still lurk and maybe if i get any ideas post some fic fixing this show cuz god knows we need it, but yeah. when season 4 comes out, i'm officially out of the picture. i will hopefully never rewatch the first three seasons and if i do, it should be years in the future when i will have no emotional attachment to the characters and thus not be disappointed by how bad the show is.

sooo i guess i'll still be around for a while but i will NOT be watching any new content ever. for my sake. i hope you can understand if you wanted me to share any thoughts on the spin-offs or such lol

well, this has truly been a journey. i'd be lying if i said i hated every moment of it, but i definitely did not enjoy it for the most part. however, constantly getting asks about the show - and getting to interact with you all over on @disventure-rewrite-takes - has made this so, so fun. i'll be making a separate post on the rewrite takes account about what will happen next to it :)

thank you review anon for the asks, you have been amazing, i really appreciated you coming out every other week and requesting my review, it was so so kind of you <3

thanks to the anons on the rewrite takes blog, i'll get into more detail there when i officially drop the account though, so no sappy stuff juuuust yet but tysm for being a blast you guys!!

and also friendship wins so shoutout corn @cornfields-td-nonsense for being the best and ranting & rambling with me about the episodes, leaving fun asks on the rewrite blog, and just overall putting up with me. i love you man, you're great, and i love exchanging interests, ideas, reviews, and such, roleplaying with you is awesome and i'm so grateful you listen to me yap yap yap like crazy, you're amazing and again i love you !!!!!!

so yay! disventure camp! ....i am so glad it's over holy shit it's a weight off my chest.

we're back in the sanders sides phase and i have no idea how to end this so i'll just do it thomas style no matter how cringe it is IDC HOW CRINGE IT IS!!!!!!!!!! so until next time, take it easy guys gals and non-binary pals, and PEACE OUTTTTTT <33333