#they're for my pain meds

[ryanthedemiboy]

If you ever have trouble cutting pills:

There are scissors for pill cutting.

Pill cutters (the boxes with the blade in the top) were just crumbling my pills.

With the scissors, I cut all of my little 7mm / ¼inch pills in half, and half of those in half again.

In under ten minutes.

That includes the learning curve, getting the light angles right, and putting them back in the bottle.

Mine are Auvon brand, for those interested.

[prince-liest]

Night shift in the hospital on Christmas week is so delightfully boring, hahaha. It's my first time covering nights on inpatient and I was relatively nervous about it at first because it involves covering nearly 30 patients alone (well, normally alone; this is a "practice" nights week for me so I have a senior with me)... but unlike day shift, you're not generally managing actual patient care at night, you're just fielding calls from the night nurses in case they need something that an MD/DO has to order. It's also generally day team's job to be like, "Hey, we anticipate X might happen with this patient. If that happens, do Y or Z."

So far it's been a couple of shifts and they've been quite delightfully boring, which is how I like it. Come in at 6pm, take signout from the two teams we're covering, admit anywhere from 0 to 3 patients and staff them with the night attending (admissions done by 10pm, he leaves at midnight), scour the emergency department tracking shell a few times to see if we're going to have to do any admissions after that (we're required to do admissions for any residency clinic patients - so far we haven't needed to), waffle around and finish our notes until it seems like a reasonable time to get a move on, have midnight lunch, and then retire to the call rooms until our alarms ring at 5:45am and we do sign out at 6.

Throughout this, we also get calls for things like "Can this patient have a melatonin?" and follow up on anything that was pending overnight (day team usually tries to make sure we don't need to but sometimes it can't be avoided - usually it's been trending troponins or hemoglobin), and on one occasion yesterday we went to a mildly funny rapid response that occurred because someone freaked out about a patient's pre-existing neurological deficits (she was super stable; not sure what the rapid team was, like, meant to do in that situation, lol).

Anyway, I've been sleeping from somewhere between midnight and 1am until 5:45am so far which has been great. The mattress in my call room is absolutely horrific, though, lol. It's like 4 inches thick and somehow has springs in there. Better me than my senior, though - she's got the slightly nicer mattress but still gets less sleep than me because I'm pretty good at just knocking out.

Today will be my first day taking calls independently, so fingers crossed it goes as boring as yesterday! I brought a couple fancy mini-bundt cakes for me and my senior because we both deserve something for working night shift on fucking Christmas, haha.

[bitchy-peachy]

My ass watching Laura Loomer vs Elon Musk.

Anyways

made you look

[cowboyjimkirk]

i ran out of sleep meds the other night and decided to try the gabapentin that's been sitting in our pie safe for over a year because google said it can help with sleep. my dog used to take it daily, so we have two bottles of the stuff. it didn't do a thing for my insomnia, but! i've been having the absolute worst pain in my jaw/neck/shoulders the last couple of weeks, and five minutes after i took the gabapentin, i could feel my jaw muscles relax. the pain wasn't completely gone, but it was the most relaxed my jaw had felt in days. so now i'm wondering how i can get a prescription for gabapentin without admitting that i'm an idiot who's been taking her dog's meds.

[aro-culture-is]

quick note - this blog is gonna be sparse again for at least this week. trying new medications and tbh initial side effects are not super pleasant + actual effects build up. as a result: currently as if unmedicated for mental health, with anxiety+ side effect, extra fatigue, dizziness, and fatigue. it's uh, sure something.

totally recognize that most of y'all know we're absent at times due to health things, just wanted to give a heads up that this one is at least anticipated.

[ourceliumnetwork]

i think i'm like. really in denial sometimes about how much pain i'm just Casually In...

OH NO WAIT HANG ON WAIT ACTUALLY MY MEDICINE WORE OFF AND I DID LIKE A LOT OF UNANTICIPATED ACTIVITY NEVER MIND I'M DUMB I'M HURTING FOR ACTUAL REASONS THIS TIME

[astramachina]

being on testosterone while inhabiting a body that's falling apart, including a disease that went undiagnosed for twenty years and has rendered my insides permanently scarred to the point that i will never be able to live a pain free life, drives me fucking insane. because said disease is hardly studied in cis women, doctor are just left flustered and twiddling their thumbs when my ass entered the chat.

"testosterone should slow the progression" cool, then why am i getting flare-ups that increase in frequency and severity. "uuuuuuh a full removal will probably do the trick but honestly we tend to leave a chunk in to help regulate women's bodies so we have no fucking idea whether or not we should go ahead and do something similar to you so you should talk to your doctor--" idk how to tell you but YOU ARE MY DOCTOR.

i'm tired, scoob. yeah the pelvic pain/lower back pain sucks ass to the point where i have to walk hunched over, but even that pales to the anxiety of having my abdomen and chest be in pain. just. christ.

[candyriku]

you fell in love with a vampire

Soriku // Vampire Sora, Blood drinking // ~600 words // ao3 link

“C’mon, Riku,” Sora whines, looking up at Riku with those big, dark eyes.

Blue. They were once blue. But now, they’re a different color entirely. They’re such a deep shade of wine-red that they nearly look black these days. It's been years, but Riku still isn't entirely used to Sora looking like this.

Riku sighs and nods. Who is he to say no to Sora? It's been a while since last time, and he's been greedy with Sora's dreams lately. He begins to pull his hair back to expose his neck, but Sora stops him with trembling hands, taking Riku’s silver strands between his eager fingers and bringing the ends to his nose as he inhales the scent. He’ll work himself into a frenzy at this rate. Riku’s seen it happen before.

“Easy,” Riku warns, but Sora has already shed his sensibilities. He reaches up and caresses Riku’s cheek for a moment before ghosting his lips against the hollow of Riku’s throat. Riku shivers in delight, despite himself. Despite knowing what comes next.

Sora’s lips trail up the side of Riku’s neck. Then, a sharp inhale, and an even sharper pain. Riku clenches his fists at first, doing what he can not to jolt away out of instinct, but the sensation of blood draining from his neck is a hypnotic, intoxicating feeling that causes him to relax nearly instantly. They sink to the floor together, and Riku wraps Sora in his arms, practically cradling the vampire as he feeds. 

Sora is humming with pleasure as he drinks, too impatient to take his time and go as slowly as he should. Riku floats through a sea of pink clouds, his mind so distant from his body that he forgets everything for a moment aside from his heartbeat whispering Sora’s name to him.

I love you, Riku thinks, and somehow the essence of that thought becomes a hymn sung by his blood, the melody coursing through his veins and into Sora’s hungry mouth.

Sora pauses for a moment as he understands the wordless song, and Riku distantly feels those lips curve into a smile at his throat. Gently, Sora begins to stroke Riku’s hair as he drinks, and Riku wants to fall into this moment, the pure pleasure of it, the sensation of being nothing more than sand pouring right through Sora’s fingertips. 

He raises his hand, barely aware he is even in control of his movements anymore, and his fingers meet Sora’s chest. His palm finds the absence, the place a beating heart should be, and he wills his own pulse into Sora’s body. Take it. It’s yours.

Sora moves his hand over Riku’s, trapping it against his sternum, and gives it a squeeze. Riku is nothing more than his blood now, flowing into Sora, pulsing with life itself. His sense of his physical form shreds into atoms, so impossibly tiny, and his consciousness pulls away until the world around him is nothing more than a pinprick of light through a distant tunnel. 

Not yet, Sora thinks to him, their minds directly linked now as more and more of Riku’s essence enters Sora’s body. Hold on a little longer for me.

Riku tries, but his body has become a thin membrane that his mind can’t help slipping through. There’s nothing to hold on to here. Time turns in on itself, and Riku watches as the sun rises and sets, rises and sets, over and over across a rapidly shifting horizon. He is falling, he is floating, he is flying, soaring high above his body, the earth, the stars in the sky. 

It’s raining. Or maybe Riku has fallen into the ocean. All he knows is that he suddenly is cold and wet.

“Come back to me,” Sora urges, splashing his face with water again. “I went too far again. I’m sorry. Stay with me.”

Once Riku’s soul returns to his body, he crushes his lips against Sora, tasting the blood – his blood – on Sora’s mouth and chin.

“I’m sorry,” Sora mumbles again. 

Riku shakes his head.

“I love you,” he sighs, still riding the high, his heart floating somewhere above his mind.

[dairyfreenugget]

(Going insane boinkinh one AU in my head)

Hey hey hey

May I interest you in

(Slowly slides my FaaF AU towards you but void just Disappears without a trace one day before the accolade)

Teehee

[mooshkat]

🙃

[crimeronan]

about two weeks ago i started cutting back Significantly on the amount of amphetamines and caffeine i consume because i'd been (understandably) using them to self-medicate the lupus fog for ages, so just like. using them for things way separate from my normal ADHD. now that the lupus is being treated i actually have the capacity to make more long-term-planning choices about what i eat and what drugs i do.

but then over the past two or three days i started feeling really agitated and got super anxious about it bc i was like "i.... have not been abusing stimulants badly enough to still have significant withdrawal symptoms now. what gives"

anyway turns out it wasn't withdrawal. i took a little walk and bussed over to the grocery store for a couple items and said good morning to several neighbors and now i feel literally fine. no more agitation or anxiety or desire to wake all my partners up to give me attention. as in i'm actually regaining enough physical function that i HAVE to move my body a little bit or i go crazy.

i have been bedridden miserable sleepykat for well over a year now. can't believe i now HAVE to TAKE WALKS to FEEL BETTER. this is AMAZING.

[astridthevalkyrie]

everything you see ab being the oldest daughter is true btw why am i the family therapist AND punching bag smh

long ass depressing rant in the tags srry i got a wee bit emotional

[ero-keixx]

Y'know I actually am tempted to make art of my alters now. I struggle with keeping track of all of them, last time I counted I have 10. I probably have more but I think they're more so fragmented parts rather than alters. But even though I counted like 10 only 4 of us are active, the rest are dormant.

[ballsballsbowls]

I understand that there's probably nothing to report on, everyone is busy having real problems to contend with, and everyone is exhausted after surgery

But have they considered that I am just a little guy and I want to hear from them?

[starpros-sunshine]

Sometimes I wonder why cold symptoms always get worse in the evenings there has to be a logical explanation for that

[izzy-b-hands]

I will be forever grateful i can be on this new med. it's one a lot of folks also need and can struggle to have access to! It's important i be on it, especially if i start doing any vid collabs

(some of which, really, all of which, i unfortunately actually need to cancel that were in the preplanning stages, bc the election results have me wanting to wait and see how the general atmosphere of the country is before i agree to meet up with anyone. I feel bad for cancelling, but also i just can't know for sure how safe things are/might be going forward and I'd rather avoid the potential of. ya know. various not great things that could happen at a meet up, tho i would certainly hope they wouldn't. i don't feel like actually addressing them rn, u guys know what i mean)

That said, if the truvada initial side effects could fuck off asap would be so lovely. three weeks at worst, then they should be gone/much better or so i am told. really hope that's true bc losing my mornings to being dizzy and nauseous is Not Working for me lmao. im on week two, and now understand why my new doc said to call if i needed any 'cheerleading' and support to get thru the side effects, bc apparently she's done that for several ppl to make sure they actually make it thru the three weeks and keep on it (lovely of her!!)