#they’re just like me fr (starts sobbing)

[vortainz]

How it ends

the ending of IZ is ,, a really odd topic

technically it has 4 endings, well, 4.5

1 : invader dib

no, it in no way was a planned ending ever, but i feel it deserves mentioning considering how prevalent it was

it originally started on TAIZS when the producer was interviewed, he went on to confirm there was a intention to steer the show towards IRK and talking about its “”existence””

(also istg there was a ask where he vaguely explains the plot as a joke but i can’t find it for the life of me)

there were multiple versions of it but there’s two that circulated the most

A: “this special would have allegedly followed Tenn’s kidnapping by the Meekrob, and an all-out war happening between the Meekrob and the Irkens, which would have ended with Zim (aided by Gaz) being victorious over Dib, The Resistys, and the Meekrob, and finally conquering Earth.” (fan wiki)

B: the focus of the show would slowly shift towards irk, dib would get more crazed trying to stop the empire, zim and gaz would team up (or date, depends on who you asked) and stop both dib and the empire. everyone else dies and zagf/r saves the rest of earth

2 : space smoothies

In a nicktoons magazine, IZ made its “””final””” return. in which it had its first comic iteration where zim successfully took over the earth, but just kinda gives up when he sees the merch of himself. dib complains and zim offers to just have a jolly ol’ time in space, them both leaving earth in disarray while just being buds

3 : dookie loop

The “”canon”” ending, basically zim traps dib and the rest of the universe in a timeloop due to not being able to finish a puzzle. blah blah blah i’ll rant about his reasoning for that in another post ANYWAYS,, he eventually finishes it and resigns to fixing the timeline, but the “fix timeline button” doesn’t work and the universe implodes, everyone dies.

4 : nothing is real

i haven’t fully pieced together the lore but this is what ive gathered

rk is god. kinda.

in their orginal universe, zim and dib are real people, dib has gone missing and zim conquered earth. the conditions are really bad till he finally gets the idea to just indoctrinate them all

rk uses the comics as a “coping mechanism” of sorts, avoiding what’s really going on by just reading the comics, it’s really the only think they can do anyways

here’s where my idea sort of splits

A : they continue reading the comics and recapping them all, imagining this fantastical world where life is just zim and dib fighting in middle school, each winning and losing occasionally. rk starts making their own comics and aus, getting more and more absorbed by the characters of zim and dib that anything other than them is incredibly distressing

they get so sucked into their own mind that at this point they feel as though they ARE the creator of these characters and comics. when the story in their mind gets too off track, when it’s getting to the point where it might end, they insert themselves into it and fix whatever issue there was

B : bk (brain kid) is god essentially, rk was originally from the universe as described before but was scooped up by bk at some point and put into the recap section of the comic universe, something similar to in issue 40. in the comic universe, IZ isn’t real, it’s just a comic. yet rk is still able to manipulate the story and interact with the characters, when the comic is finally coming to and end they step in and just start everything over again

oh yeah in both A n B what i mean by ‘the comic ending’ is that earth is burning and no one wins, both zim and dib are about to die

⬆️ sorry if none of this made sense 😭 i’m struggling to word it correctly + still theorizing

4.5 : timetravel

Probably the most simple one, zim conquers earth, dib dies by being stupid, zim gets killed by his younger self, the end. the only reason it’s “4.5” is due to it being specific to the timeline of that issue, as none of the other entries acknowledge it

[akechi-if-he-slayed]

i finished hsmtmts. no notes i literally cried at the last episode this season was like actually the best i think.

[304files]

you don’t understand how mc is literally me and i am here. she’s me to a molecular level. no joke, i never read an mc that was so deeply similar to me it hit me like a gut punch.

reading this while listening to the playlist was truly an experience (which was so good btw i LOVE your music taste). can we talk about how absolutely gorgeous your writing is for a second??? the way you craft your sentences are so satisfyingly beautiful it’s insane!! some of my favorite quotes:

“It flutters frantically in it, making a grand fight to reach that false moonlight, only to drop away when it realizes that it’s being burnt. You watch it rinse and repeat, relentless and sure, for who knows how long. It’s no special moth—no luna moth or the ones with the pretty pink wings—but the light falls down on it and colors it a pleasant stardust silver.”

“Taking those steps, the massive and terrifying ones from adolescence into adulthood, meant agreeing that this form of your life was over.”

“That passion and love wasn’t gone from you, it blazed strong in your veins. This blaze wasn’t the kind that kept you warm and excited to push forward into life, though. It had morphed into something that scalded you when you got too close or started imagining yourself pursuing its call. It’s a taunting silvery glow, no longer a guiding north star.”

“You clutch childhood to your chest like a wild animal guarding scarce food; you refuse. You refuse to acknowledge its end.”

“‘You don’t get it. You are the music. Every single song is about you. Every single fucking song is about you. I want you to come with me, please. I love you, I have always loved you, and I will always love you, and I thought you’d loved me too, and I don’t want to do this alone. I can’t do it alone.’”

i don’t know if you’ve ever read this book, but the vibes of this fic reminds me a lot of the starless sea by erin morgenstern!! literally my favorite book EVER. if you haven’t read it then i think you would like it a lot!! ^^

this is truly one of those types of stories that you come across and it just makes you absolutely fall in love with reading. the type that makes you want to pick up a pencil and feverishly write out the story that’s been in your head for years. if this story was a song, to me it would be dog days are over by florence + the machine. it just gives you that feeling that everything will work out and everything will be okay and this too shall pass. i love it so so much and i’m so happy that you decided to share it with the world so that people like me and so many others could come across it and read it for themselves! ♡♡♡

𝑯EART 𝑊ORM ⸺ hueningkai ℘˒´ˎ˗

  ⨾𓍢ִ໋ ˒˒ 𝚑𝔢art𝚠𝔬rm

[𝑛]. a relationship or friendship that you can't get out of your head, which you thought had faded long ago but is still somehow alive and unfinished, like an abandoned campsite whose smoldering embers still have the power to start a forest fire.

⸺ listen to the playlist .ᐟ ‧˚

〝﹙ 📼 ﹚“I was just... wondering,” you say, blood roaring. "Well, Yeonjun wants me to come over to his place this weekend, and... I’ve never...” Sucking in a quick breath, you just spit it out to get it over with, “Would you be my first kiss, Kai?”  ˛ ､､

wc ➛ 17.9k

𝔭airings childhood bsf!kai x reader (lowkey soulmates?) ⤷ ft. asshole!yeonjun x reader

𝒢 ‎; smut ˒ angst ˒ some fantasy

𝔴arnings angst, family issues, fingering, jealousy (i’m sorry i just love ts), yeonjun really is an asshole, orgasm denial, thigh fucking, unprotected sex (they're stupid!), strength kink a lil bit, breeding kink, possessiveness, creampie, choking... i think that's all, lmk if i missed any

✎୭ ashlynn's note omg. this was such a fun palate cleanser to write. this wasn't supposed to be as big as it is, but it just kept getting bigger and bigger, and i got super into the story. this kai is SOOOO!! yeah. i’m so nervous posting this because i’ve only ever posted TSFAWC, but…. here you areee (^^;; this is not proofread, so if you see a mistake... give me a sec. i'll get to it. hehe

Though you fan your hand furiously over your face, the little breezes washing over your clammy skin are not enough. The air is thick and heavy with summer’s heat. So thick that you almost feel it each time you swallow. It’s better than just letting yourself melt away, though. The cushion at your back doesn’t help much. It holds your warmth and returns it to you the longer you sit slumped back into it. You suffer it though—you’ve gone too sluggish to move.  

You let a leg dangle over the arm of a chair, watching a hopeful moth dance in the light of the buzzing porch light overhead. It flutters frantically in it, making a grand fight to reach that false moonlight, only to drop away when it realizes that it’s being burnt. You watch it rinse and repeat, relentless and sure, for who knows how long. It’s no special moth—no luna moth or the ones with the pretty pink wings—but the light falls down on it and colors it a pleasant stardust silver.  

You delight in letting your conscious brain turn off to watch it. It lets you forget the sweltering under your skin, and also that Kai had drug you out here. His dad gives him shit when he plays inside, but it’s way too hot to be out here. Isn’t it supposed to cool off after the sun goes down? It doesn’t feel like it. The deep acoustics are drowned out each time a car whirrs by. Playing outside should be the best option, but you and Kai live right on a busy road.  

When the roar of some car going ten miles over the speed limit doesn’t obscure his playing, though, you admire the intricacy of it. His fingers work up and down the neck, jumping frets that you imagine would be impossible to anybody without those long fingers of his. You had always been a loud supporter of his playing, even way back when the most he could play were simple chords, but you became especially so when a few years back he put a guitar in your hands and tried teaching you. Even with his fingers guiding yours, it was quick to learn that the effortlessness with which Kai handles the instrument is hard earned.  

He practices on the acoustic guitar, but that’s not his domain. With houses just a dash across the street from each other, Kai had grown up at your home more than he had at his own. So vividly, you remember the stars in his eyes when he’d listen to your dad’s music. Metallica, The Smashing Pumpkins, Linkin Park, any of it. He had fallen in love with it a long time ago. Your whole life you knew that it was only a matter of time before he was in his own band, chasing his dreams with a boundless mind and an indelible vision of himself on stage. How had that time come so soon, though? You don’t know if the notebooks full of inky lyrics that live wherever he deems inspiration might hit him make you proud or nervous. He’s making good on his dazzling aspirations, and you? 

You speak finally into the air, cutting through heat waves and his music and the night. “Isn’t it weird that we’re not going back to school after this summer?” 

He doesn’t have to even stop playing to answer you. Playing comes to him as a second nature. “Kinda,” he answers, brown eyes flitting up to you. “But it’s not like you won’t be back to it in September. College is the same shit.” 

The leg you’d been dangling and bouncing pauses. That’s right; you’re supposed to be going to that college you’d chosen because it was only a three-hour drive away from here. You pluck at the seat’s threadbare fabric, and the moth, still there, becomes oh-so-interesting once again. When his playing stops, you drop your head back with a cushioned thud and a groan that you wrangle in your throat. 

“Why are you acting like that?” he says, voice gone sharp like accusation. He doesn’t even know the truth, but he’s known you too long.

Can’t you just keep secrets for yourself, sometimes?

Kai, arms clad in a well-loved hoodie even in this dreadful weather, lays the guitar down. You maintain your silence. “Seriously, what?” 

Some secrets have timers, though. This one could only last you until about September, or even August when he realizes that you’re not preparing to return to school. A controlled sigh from your chest isn’t enough to soothe the nerves that sparks. “Nothing.” 

“Secrets, huh?” Kai says. When you do finally look to him, black spikes of hair frame his eyes and the accusation in them. 

It’s a simple poke, but it gets under your skin as sharp as any thorn might. It’s not like you don’t keep secrets from him, and you’re sure he keeps some from you too. But those are the little kinds, the inconsequential ones—like I ate already when asked why you’re not eating or like Yeah, I’m fine when it’s been a bad day. You don’t hide this kind of stuff from each other. Usually, you’d run over to his place to tell him whatever’s bothering you. Why not, when he’s known even the worst details of your life for almost the entirety of it? You’ve been holding this one close to your chest since somewhere around the end of senior year, though. The longer you let it fester, the worse your nervousness snowballs. “C’mon, Kai. Let’s not do this. Can you keep playing?” 

He doesn’t like that, of course. But you watch recognition dawn over his chocolate brown eyes, helpless to stop it. “You’re not going,” he says. It’s not a question nor a suspicion, it’s a bone-dry fact.  

Well. There that goes. You want to tear every hair on your head right out. Why had you even thought you’d keep him in the dark about it? When he’s not out in some garage making music, you two are together. The conversation was going to stroll by at some point; this was only inevitable. His disappointment radiates off him in waves and blisters you. He hasn’t even said anything yet, but you know exactly what he thinks of it. It’s why you kept it from him in the first place.  

Your silence is enough confirmation for him. “Why?” he says. “I thought you were excited to move out.” 

Wincing, you nod slowly. You were. Even went through the whole application process, along with most other kids your age. Ultimately, you never went through with declaring a college. You don’t exactly know why, but somewhere weaseled down in the shadowy recesses of your soul, you know. Taking those steps, the massive and terrifying ones from adolescence into adulthood, meant agreeing that this form of your life was over. It meant that at some point, you’d be moving away from here to where living your days away in Kai’s room would not be a choice. Everybody has to do it eventually, you know that. Kai’s music gig could take off any day, too. He’s going to make it happen. And then what? All this stalling and wishing on just a bit more time would mean nothing, he’d be off and chasing that dream. As excited as you are for it to finally become reality for him, there’s a nasty bitterness that’s budded in your chest, infecting your person.  

Can’t things just stay like this? 

“I was,” you say. It comes out of your mouth heavy.  

“Then why aren’t you going?” he says. Crickets, never seen but always heard, sing their song into the night’s darkness. “You didn’t get rejected. You’re too smart for that.” 

An ache sits heavily somewhere near the center of your chest, maybe over your heart. All those good grades, nights spent bent over a desk and AP paperwork—you’re wasting it. You shake your head. “No... just...” It’s an effort to dress your thoughts in a way that might appease him. A quiet moment stretches with your thinking before you continue, “I don’t know what I want to do.” 

He doesn’t like that, the yellow wash of the overhead light dancing over his taut lips and hard eyes. “Don’t know what you want to do?” he says, bringing his legs up onto the seat to crisscross them. He wears his favorite jeans. They’re heel-bitten and baggy enough over his legs that he can wear them around the house without any bother. “You’ve wanted to be an artist your whole life. You know exactly what you want to do.” 

Your chest only seems to ache harder. When the both of you were only young and hopeful, you both had big dreams. Kai was going to be the face of a metal band, and you were going to be an artist. A painter, potter, sculptor, even doing animation for those big companies like Dreamworks and Disney. You wanted any of it, just as long as you were doing art. You’d even promised him that you’d do the cover art for his albums with interlocked pinkies and flushed, hopeful cheeks. That passion and love wasn’t gone from you, it blazed strong in your veins. This blaze wasn’t the kind that kept you warm and excited to push forward into life, though. It had morphed into something that scalded you when you got too close or started imagining yourself pursuing its call. It’s a taunting silvery glow, no longer a guiding north star. Taunting words of family members stamped down on that hope hard. When you were little, it was said lighthearted and in passing. The older you got, though, the more serious their faces became. They wouldn’t say it outright perhaps, but you hear what they think well enough. Art is a dead-end career.  

Shifting in your seat, you tell him, “I don’t know.” 

“What do you mean?” Kai says. “There are good colleges for that.” 

“I just... don’t know.” 

Shaking his head, he tells you, “But you love it.” 

You do. In its every form, you love creating. But loving it doesn’t mean that it’s right for you, or that you should trust your future in its hands. “I think I can do it in my own time,” you say, finally pushing yourself upright from the cushion. “Don’t wanna kill the passion by doing it for a living, you know?” 

He thinks on that for a moment. “If you love it, you should do it,” he says. 

An awful frustration bubbles in your chest. Kai has always had a clear life path, the steps ahead of him set in stone and waiting for him to follow in them. It’s hard for him to see why you might not want to do the same. There’s nothing that makes you as happy as the fact that he has it all figured out, that he knows just where he’s going and that he’s so incredible at it that he doesn’t have to worry about meeting the requirements, but your path seems obscured and untrodden. Punctuating a deep, resonant sigh, you say, “It’s not that easy, Kai.” 

“If you’re not doing that, then what are you going to do? Are you just going to settle for a nine-to-five?” he says full of accusation, the tapping on his knees gone still.  

A dry laugh, you say, “Maybe I’ll marry a super rich guy and just do my art for a living. No nine-to-five.” 

His face flashes. He’d always been a bit reserved, especially around others, but he bared his emotions freely around you. You hold them dearly to your chest and made sure to do your best to make good on that trust. He says, “You’re more than some guy’s housewife.” 

Cheeks radiating in the heat, you snort. “I know, dork. I’m a rockstar’s best friend. It’s my personal favorite achievement.”  

His face sours when you reach out and pinch hard at his cheek, but he doesn’t pull away or brush you off. The skin there is warmed and clammy. Really, the two of you should go meet the cool AC inside before you suffer heat stroke. But this moment feels so nice—your shoulders feel tons lighter without something to hide. If you had it your way, things would stay like this forever. Just the two of you, sat here like you have so many times before, just taking for granted the time you’ve got together.  

His mouth opens to banter, probably something about how he’s not a rockstar yet or to get you back for calling him a dork. Wingbeat and sterling dashes about your face send the image into a blur, though. You’re a quick mess of limbs and a whipping head, as if it’ll chase the thing away from you. 

“Seriously?” Kai says. You’d climbed halfway over him, elbows digging into him and knee doing a number on his thigh. “It’s a moth. You’re not scared of moths.” 

Lingering for a few moments later to ensure the flying thing was nowhere on you or around you, you hold back a laugh before you climb off him and fix your hair with undignified tucks behind your ears. “He was in my face,” you say around a laugh, because you know it was a bit too much. Nobody likes wings in their ears and spindly legs in their face, though, and you’re in no control of what you do when anything with six legs tries and get too friendly. Even moths.  

“You just wanted me to protect you,” he says. A sarcastic, shit-eating smile tugs at the corners of his mouth.  

“Oh,” you scoff, batting your eyelashes and clasping your hands together all saccharine-sweet. “Yes, Romeo, won’t you kill that bug for me? This girl’s heart just can’t take it!” 

Kai’s nose crinkles, and the playful light twists into a glare. “Nasty.” 

“That’s how you sounded,” you say. “I only reacted accordingly.” Laughing, you kick your legs out over his lap and sprawl back out. He takes the guitar back into his hands. 

As much as you want to escape the mugginess, you’ll survive it for just a little while longer—if only with the force of an indulgent heart. The eternal moments are those you allow to linger.  

⚝⭒ 

Some things, you forget when you’re older. Maybe it’s time’s hand, eroding memories down and stuffing more in the longer you live to experience them. But also maybe because they’re the sort of things you can’t say in the adult world without a laugh in the face and a look from down their noses.  

This memory is one of those forgotten things. It’s moth-bitten and dusty, something you one day folded up in a moving box and decided to never revisit. 

You’d been down at the creek. Kai and you had spent so many summer days there. It wasn’t too far from home, just past the filbert trees and into the shallow neck of the backwoods, but there you were out of sight and free to get up to nothing good. It was a wonder your mom ever let you do it. Kai’s dad didn’t care too much where he went or what he did, but your mom dug her claws in deep. You like to think that she imagined you two would have each other, if anything ever happened. 

Usually, you’d be there holding your jeans up from the stream and Kai would be letting his jeans go dark with it. The bite of water was nice as it washed over warm skin. Fun was a simple thing to find, then. You dug your fingers into the mudbanks and tossed stones way too big to be throwing at each other, just because you two remembered how much the adults hated it when you did. Then, you’d drag tired limbs home avoiding sweetgum tree spikes that had fallen to the ground and dug splinters out from your feet.  

This day, you had been in the blackberry bushes. It was maybe late July or early August, and they’d gotten heavy on their branches. You’d waited until the smell of them, summer-warmed, was sweet and cloying in the air to pick them. With buckets in your hands, you plucked only the fattest berries from their bunches. Your fingers were stained a delightful purple and perhaps a bit thorn raw, but you didn’t mind much then. You plucked for hours, and it was dusk before you could catch it. Dinner was no doubt waiting for you back home. 

“There’s a bunch over here,” Kai had said. He reached a long boyish arm, still awkward and lanky with puberty, up high for ripe bush. You finished off picking before climbing around thick branches sticking out to take a peek. A bunch, there was. 

When you went to drop a handful of them into your bucket, Kai hissed. He’d been snagged by a vicious looking branch, those ones as thick as a finger with thorns to match and you’d warn each other tongue-in-cheek to watch out for that one. He’d worn those ridiculous shorts that day, the ones that looked half pants half shorts with how long and baggy they were, and the claws of the bush had jumped at the opportunity. At first the scrapes were white, but then red blood crawled out and down his leg.  

“Kai,” you said, some parts chiding and some parts just wondering how he’d managed that. You surveyed his leg for a bit, and then determined that he should wash his leg off in the stream. He walked there strong, but of course you noticed the hobble beneath his acting. When you squatted down into the dry grass and cupped water to wash off his leg, you laughed. 

“What?” he had said, holding the shorts up. You covered your laugh with a hand, but it erupted past your palm. You remember the glare on his face very well.  

You still laughed. “You’re stupid,” you had told him. 

“I didn’t see it,” he said. “I tripped over it because it was sticking out.” 

That time when you brought your hands to catch some water, there was a twinkle in its surface. You didn’t notice it for a second. The creek moved fast and you could see a lot of things in its reflection. When it lingered, that’s when your brows furrowed. It seemed to twirl, dancing around like alive over the stones. 

The sound of Kai’s voice remains with you. “Hey,” he had said, strong to call your attention but also wavered with uncertainty. 

When you looked up, there was silver dust dancing around you. 

It was fluffy and whorling, fine silver stardust. It’d moved weightless in the air, as though it barely existed. In the center of it were a few moths. They seemed to be made of sterling powder just as the dust was, and they glowed against dusk’s backdrop. If your memory serves you right, there had been a sweet hymn of coos from them. They beckoned you. Summer’s heat felt lighter, and so did your chest. You wondered where they had wanted you to go. 

Almost afraid that if you spoke they might have fluttered away, you whispered soft and low to Kai. “What is that?” He was stood frozen there, pant leg still scrunched up in his fist. Stardust glowed soft in his brown eyes while he took it all in, you remember. It wasn’t a scared frozen. You weren’t scared, either—rather, it was as if that lightness had found its way into the core of your being and brushed over it with mending hands. 

He whispered back, “I don’t know.” How could he have known? It was absurd. 

Those whisps had beckoned you, flowing toward the deeper woods. The soft moths, their murmuring brushing up against your ears, seemed to wait for you to follow. You remember a pull, soft tendrils wrapping themselves around your heart and the yearning it planted there.  

But there was also this reluctance, a bone-deep answering that had told you: No. You’re not ready. 

“Kai, I wanna go,” you told him. 

You didn’t even need to tell him twice. Berry buckets forgotten; the journey home was a stranger one. When your dad asked why you returned from berry picking emptier handed than you had left the house, Kai and you only shared a look. You pair kept that evening at the creek hidden so well that it became more forgotten than shared secret.  

⚝⭒ 

Once, you had been the type of girl that loved being around family. Some of your favorite days of your life were spent in this living room, T.V. roaring over bouncing conversation. Some of those nights ended in rosy cheeks and laughs, and some ended with words thrown angry like fireworks. You never knew which you’d be getting, but you endured the fear of not knowing because it was a simple love—the basic kind built with biology into you the moment your infant skin touched your mother’s. You endured it because eventually, sleep washed away the bad taste left in your mouth and you forgave them quick, sometimes quicker than you ought to, and things would go on as if it hadn’t even happened. You endured it because you could handle its burden, if only to feel the warmth you feel when it’s a good day.  

Kai was always there—his dad was hardly home, so he found family in yours. When you were younger, you’d been embarrassed he was there for caustic, spitted words and intimate fights. Now, you’re just grateful for his shoulder.  

So, yes. Once, you had loved being around your family. But things feel tenser now, nights spent all together less frequent and when they do happen, they’re tainted by a strange air. You think that this strangeness is new, but an awful worry also makes you think that it’d always been there, that you only feel it now because you’ve grown into your adult mind. A hollow ache stakes its claim in your chest, declaring that it won’t leave until you find that youthful ignorance and joy once more. You think that it might stay there forever. 

Bare feet bounding down the stairs, you make a rare appearance downstairs. The cupboard is only half open to make way for a snack raid before your mom’s voice cuts through the air. You know quickly just by the look on her face that you should’ve stayed upstairs. 

“Hey,” she says, gathering laundry into a basket. “You’ve been applying to jobs?” 

With an anxious belly, you tell her, “Yeah. A few. They’re not really, like, ideal, but I sent applications.” You don’t remember when it got hard to look into your mother’s eyes, but you can’t bring yourself to do so now.  

“Not ideal?” she says. “It’s not like you can be picky. Mcdonalds or wherever, I don’t care, you’re going to need to get a job if you’re staying here.” 

“I know. I applied,” you reiterate around a mumble. You close the cabinets, not so interested in a snack anymore. “I just... I don’t know, ma. I don’t want to do that for a living, going between those sorts of jobs.” 

Face hard and abrasive against the truth you bare, she does that awful taunting smile that makes you feel small. Stupid. “You’re not going to college, so that’s what it’s gonna be. You can’t sit up there and draw for a living. You’ve gotta get into the real world, get some real experience.”  

There’s a burst of hurt in your chest, dazzling and gnawing. She’s getting closer to saying how she really feels about your dreams out loud every day. Your face burns and so do your eyes, knot thick in your throat. “Yeah, okay. Got it,” you say, nodding. You’re at the front door before you even know it, slipping on shoes and fighting the greatest internal battle to will back tears. She’d use those against you, no doubt about it. “I’m going to Kai’s,” you throw over your shoulder.  

Whatever she barks back at you, you’re glad you don’t hear. Bells on some old Christmas decoration hung on the door that had yet to be taken down, even into summer, jingle and wash it away for you. 

Kai’s brows shoot up when he opens the door to your face crumpling. You’d done so well at damming it up, but the wall cracks and the water crashes through once you see him. If it were anybody else, you’d feel icky and attention seeking, but you’d held Kai to your chest through gut-wrenching sobs as much as he’s done it for you. Without question, he takes you into his arms, warm hand running up and down your back. The warm soothing is so familiar. You melt right into it.  

He keeps you there for a long moment. Then, his chest rumbles as he tells you, “Come on.” The walk through the AC to his bedroom is nice. Having a house like Kai’s to come to where it can just be you is nice, too. You step around the mess of clothes and scattered belongings on his floor like you have a muscle-memory roadmap of his room. Boxsprings creak and hard mattress welcome you back home. His room is dark as always, a night-dweller you call him. The array of peeling band posters plastered over walls you two had painted blue some years ago, when it’d been his favorite color, don’t help to lighten it up. He keeps a low lamplight on.  

“She never listens to me,” you say, crying gone to occasional sniffles from your chest. You rest your cheek on your bent knee. 

“I know,” he says. “But at least she cares about you. Pays attention to you.” His voice is soft and deep and right next to you. Always right next to you, there for you even when you might not appreciate it as you should.  

His dad cares too little what he does, and yours care too much. The grass is always greener on the other side, you know it. Still, you hold a fantasy where you’re able to do teenager stuff. Where you’d allow yourself to do bad things, because you weren’t so intent on painting yourself with their will. You two hold eyes for a long moment, your twinkling ones caught in that steady brown. “I just want to get away. Be my own person.” Your words are muffled in the softness of your skin. 

“You had the chance to do it,” Kai says, hand playing with your fingers. “But you didn’t.” 

Holding your legs closer, you lick your lips. What do you say to that? Would it ever be the time to tell him that you did it because you think that your soul is pathetically intertwined with his, and that it might snuff your lifeforce out to even try pursuing life without him? Without this? How do you tell him that you’re so frozen and unwilling to pursue any sort of future because it means accepting that this chapter is over? You clutch childhood to your chest like a wild animal guarding scarce food; you refuse. You refuse to acknowledge its end.  

“Kai,” is all you say, trembled and thick. It’s not just your mother’s words that dig at you and tear to shreds the last bits of what dreaming you had left in you, but so many other reality checks too. This isn’t the first time you’ve heard those sorts of words, urging you forward. You can only dig your heel into the ground for so long before you’re swept away in time’s ruthless, endless moving.  

He understands. Lifting your face with warm fingers against your cheeks, he says, “Hey. How about we go get ice cream, or something?” 

Ice cream does sound nice. “Dairy Queen?” 

Smirk tugged over his mouth, he says, “Yes, Dairy Queen. A blizzard. C’mon, let’s go.” Sliding off the bed, he offers you an urging hand up. 

But you falter. “I don’t know if we can. She’s mad at me. I don’t think she’ll let me go.” 

“Let you go?” he says, eyes narrowed. “She doesn’t have to let you go. You’re an adult now, you go if you want to.” He offers his hand to you again. 

It’s so him, freely going wherever he ordain it. The bullheadedness is very him, as well. Always the devil on your shoulder, he was the root of any rebellious thing you’ve ever done. He could never understand your apprehension, or why getting in trouble was such an awful thing to you. “I have to ask to get money.” 

Brows pinching, he says, “You think I’m not gonna pay for you? You don’t need them to give you money, I’ll pay. I’ll take care of it.” He drags you up from the bed this time. “Live a little. Do you want to go?” 

It was never the punishments or the getting in trouble that you were scared of, though. Disappointment was a scarier word than grounded. Sneaking out and those sorts of things, it’s not like you had angel wings at your back and never considered them. It’s that you are deeply, utterly terrified of changing how they look at you. You begin to tell him, “I do, but—” 

He cuts you off, adamant. “Then do it. Let’s go. If you want to go, then go,” he says. “At some point, your life needs to become your own. It’s not sneaking out when you’re graduated and eighteen years old, it’s going wherever the hell you want. You’ve... You’re gonna end up stuck here, in this town, forever. You don’t deserve that.” 

That sounds like both the best and the worst thing you’ve ever heard. You take his hand.  

⚝⭒ 

Your frozen fingers nurse your ice cream. The cup itself is cold, but the Dairy Queen on your side of town is always thirty degrees below what it should be. It’d always been that way. Even way back when you two couldn’t drive, you’d get dropped off here to escape the melting weather and get a frozen treat with a handful of dollars. Each time, you’d start off sagging with the relief of summer’s weight off your shoulders and left the place shivering and sugar-mouthed.  

It’s really only you two in here. You crinkle your nose when he takes a spoonful. “Out of all the flavors...” 

Unbothered and no doubt expecting you to say it, he offers you a flat, “You get your flavor, I get mine.” He makes a point of taking an extra-long bite. His lips linger around the red plastic of the spoon and his brows rest high in silent challenge.  

The corners of your lips twitch up. “Hmm. Well. I just have a hard time believing that Oreo... or, like, brownie fudge, is right there, and you actually want M&M. I don’t get how M&M your favorite.” A familiar banter falls over your tongues. Your heart buzzes and your cheeks radiate. This is the first you’ve done this all summer, and it’ll be weaning off into fall soon. Any other summer, you would’ve been here on all the hottest days. You hate that Kai’s been so busy with his music; you hate that you can hear the resounding ticks of the clock counting down your time. You also hate that the stubborn depths of you still believe that if you freeze yourself here in stasis that the world will relent and stop along with you. 

You look over the sharp lines of Kai’s jawline as it feathers with his chewing, and the broadness of his shoulders where his jacket stretches around it, and the starkness of his collarbones against his chest and the bobbing of his adam’s apple when he swallows. No, time doesn’t stop. Some of him remains the same, though. In it, you see the boy that had love creeping up on you so long ago, with all its aching and all its hope. That freckle on the column of his neck, the bump in his nose leading down to the button tip that beckons your lips to steal a quick kiss.  

And, those lips. They’re as soft as ever around the discontented grimace he pulls. “M&M isn’t my favorite.” 

With a pursed mouth and patronizing brows arched over your eyes, you say, “Oh, huh. That’s funny, because if my memory serves me right, it’s the only flavor you’ve ordered for the past... six years.”  

Kai husks a laugh at that. “That’s because they haven’t had my favorite for years,” he tells you, scooping up the final bit and then pushing it off to the side. “It was a blizzard of the month that they discontinued. The blackberry cheesecake one. I made peace with it, though. It lives on in my heart.” He grins, arms crossed over his chest and his back settled into the booth seat to let you finish your cup.  

“Blackberry cheesecake,” you say, voice made taunting. Your nod is slow and taunting, too. “Well, forget M&Ms.Why would blackberry cheesecake be your favorite? Ever?” 

His face falters, a moment where something flows over his eyes as if reliving a memory in a few short seconds. Then, he shrugs. “It just is.” 

You roll your eyes. “Whatever,” you laugh. “Maybe my palate is unrefined.” Imagining the tarte fruit in purple swirls of ice cream, you’re taken back to a humid July day and the scent of churned mud.  

The strange memory unfolds itself quick. As if it were waiting for you to find wherever it’d hidden itself away. With a sharp gasp, you say, “Oh my god, Kai. Do you remember that one day? That weird stuff we saw down at the creek?” 

He nods. “Yeah. I was just thinking of that the other day, actually...” 

Less interested in finishing your cup now, you let the spoon rest. “What?” you say, the word peaking in the middle. That day hadn’t crossed your mind once since it’d happened. “How weird is that?” 

Scoffing a laugh, he says, “Weird, yeah. Just as strange as two kids high on fermented berries.” 

That draws a breathy laugh from you. “Is that what you think it was?” you ask him with knitted brows. The berries had been fresh, and you two had popped plenty into your mouth. But no doubt, you’d have spat them right back out if they were that ripe. “I mean, we saw the same thing.” 

“It happens to animals all the time. Squirrells, and stuff.” He lends you a gallic shrug. “We just freaked ourselves out. Like that one time you said you saw the shape of something in the dark and we freaked out. And it was clothes.”  

Well, hallucinating, in tandem, a glowing mist because you two by chance ate fermented berries is a very long shot. However nonchalant he acts about it, he seems to have thought long and hard about it. Enough to reason it away with some far cry explanation. Would you have even been able to get drunk off a handful of fermented berries? And, god, you’re really sure that you’d have noticed. That taste isn’t really one you just don’t notice.  

Whatever. Maybe you were just drunk idiots. That’s a lot easier to swallow, anyway. 

“Okay, but you saw that. Did it not look sinister?” you say. With your spoon back in your hand, you punctuate the sentence pointing it at him. “You freaked out with me, too.”  

An unsatisfied scowl on his lips, he steals a spoonful of your dessert. You don’t even swat him away—your phone buzzes in your pocket. 

Catching sight of who’s calling, you share a long look with Kai. It’s funny, how fast those three white letters scramble you up. When you hesitate to answer, Kai tells you, “Answer.” 

You hope she can’t tell you’re not at Kai’s by the refrigerators’ dull buzzing. It’s an effort to tussle that invasive worry back. You’re at Dairy Queen. Getting ice cream with the boy she’s known since childhood. She should clutch her hands and thank the sky that you’re here, not out in some nasty frat house like you could be. You thumb the green button. 

Her voice comes through the speaker crackled and asking you to run over to do a quick dish load. For a heartbeat you consider telling her that you will and then start rushing home. Instead, you fork out the truth through resistant lips. 

The hangup tone sits heavy on the air between you and Kai. Having listened to the whole thing on speaker, he says, “What was so hard about that? The world didn’t end, did it?” 

The plush of your lip takes a hard gnawing. No, it hadn’t. “I know she’s not going to get mad at me for just going here,” you say as you rest your elbows onto the table. “It’s that they’re supporting me right now. I still live under their roof. The more I go around and insist I can do whatever I want, they’ll start reminding me of it.” 

His face drawn, he lets his mouth twitch to one side. “Yeah,” he muses. “I never thought yours would be the type to kick you out.” 

Kai’s dad had started threating him with getting kicked out years ago, when he first started telling him that he wanted to do music. How many times had he let reluctant tears flow into your shoulder over it? Because music wasn’t a real job? Back then, you’d whispered in his ears that he’d become everything he’d dreamed of and more as your fingers carded through shaggy locks of hair.  

“I don’t know,” you say, humming it out noncommittally. “Is your dad still... y’know?” 

Nodding slowly, his eyes tell. “Yeah. Always.” 

“Because you’re taking the band seriously, now?” you ask.  

“Probably. I don’t give a shit what he thinks about it. If I’m just his goddamn problem, I’ll give him what he wants soon enough.” His eyes blaze with promise of it.  

It takes a bit out of you to not wince. Kai living anywhere but in the house across from yours is wrong. “I don’t think he necessarily wants that, Kai...” You take his hand in your icy ones, the urge to reach out to him thinly veiled under the guise of searching out warmth. He’d always run warmer than you—your personal heater. “It’s probably because he can see that you’re doing it for real. Not just saying it anymore.” 

“Yeah, well,” he spits, “I can’t fucking wait to see what he’ll say to me when I make it. That piece of shit, though, he wouldn’t even care. It’s not like he ever gave a shit about me enough for it to matter.” 

But, it matters to you, you want to tell him. You understand his need to throw it all in his face. Though. “Is that one label going to sign you? The one you were talking about?” 

His tongue darts out to wet dry lips. “They haven’t yet. I don’t know. But I don’t need that money to get out of here, I’ve been working on it.” 

“They will,” you say. “But, where would you go? Not too far?” You try and keep it light and playful, even as your heart aches. 

“Come with me,” he says. It’s painfully blunt, as if it were that simple. “Let’s go get and apartment; you and me.” 

“Kai...” you say. “You don’t have to drag me along because you feel bad.” 

The idea doesn’t sound half bad, though.  

“What?” His face tightens, as if somewhere under the surface your words had scraped somewhere tender. “You don’t have to stay here forever. Please. I want... I want you to come with me. You wouldn’t have to even tell them; just bring all your stuff and go together. We could do it together. Like we said we would.”  

“We were like, five. Everybody tries to pretend running away at five,” you deadpan. It’s a washy attempt at lightening things back up. 

Living with him, moving out together, should feel like everything you’ve ever wanted. And, maybe it is. But, he’s not asking you to live with him the way you want him to. Not in the way that your aching heart wishes he would.  

Kai doesn’t share the laugh you give him. “Yeah, okay,” he says, leaning into the table.  

Perhaps you should consider the potent disappointment he’s terribly masking with a face of indifference, though. 

⚝⭒ 

Slowly, the knots in your belly have worked themselves out. When Kai had dropped you off, they’d been so awful that you felt borderline sick. You sat the whole ride there in his old beat-up truck picking at your nails and rambling to him. He listened to you the whole time. And then when it was time to walk in, it had least felt a little easier to do so with his eyes on you, watching to make sure you made it in safely. 

You’d gotten a job. It’s not too bad, folding clothes out on display. It would be nice if they kept the lights a bit brighter, but you’ll get used it eventually, you hope. 

Most of your coworkers are around your age, but the one showing you the ropes... your heart had fluttered. 

“You’ll get it,” Yeonjun says. The smile you find on his lips once he straightens up from placing product on a display is smooth and smug. Sleek strands of black hair fall over his eyes. You fluster under his gaze.  

With arms crossed over your chest you say, “Yeah, probably.” You reach into the cardboard box for stock to practice on. 

“Where’d you work before this?” he asks, leaning back into a wall to watch you. Suddenly, you make sloppier work of your folding. “Your first retail job?” 

Some obnoxious pop song falls down from the speakers over the store. Nobody’s in here yet, thankfully; you’ve got some time to try and get a handle on everything. “No, this is my first job. I was so nervous walking in.” 

Interest catches in his eyes. It encourages that smooth smile on his lips further. “Don’t worry, sweetheart, I’ll show you the reins.” 

Your mind stalls. The suggestive, sly flicker to it—are you looking too much into it? Maybe that’s just how guys like Yeonjun act. It’s hard to pretend that you don’t see how he’s looking at you, though. It has your belly twisted up in fluttery knots. It’s not like you hadn’t had your share of his type. But, for some reason you’d rather not address, he’s got your heart thumping in your chest. 

He laughs at your fifth attempt to fold up the shirt. When he takes it from you to help, he smells of musk and vetiver. “You going to college near here?” he continues.  

“Nah, just doing this, I guess,” you answer, watching him fold it up to try and soak it up.  

“Really? Why not?” he hums, crossing his arms about his chest. “You seem like a smart girl.” 

Buffering, your blood buzzes in your veins and your cheeks burn. “Dunno. Not really sure what to do. Are you in college?” 

“Nah. I’m trying to figure things out, too.” 

The both of you pop your heads up when the bell rings to announce the arrival of a customer.  

“Yeah,” you say, eyeing him. He’s a few years older than you, no doubt, and yet his life hasn’t fallen apart because he’s not done anything grand yet.  

Time’s hand around your neck loosens. Just a little bit.  

⚝⭒ 

You sit crisscrossed on top of Kai’s bedsheets. He’d thrown the windows open because the AC died, but it’s no help. The hot air wafting about the room sits heavy on your skin. You’d dressed in as little material as possible to let it breathe, bare thighs clad in a pair of loose shorts and a thin tank top, but it’s still miserable. 

Perhaps you two should be going over to yours, but you haven’t had time alone with him for a few weeks now. You hate this busier life, where you struggle to make room for this. 

Your new job isn’t so awful, though. Especially with Yeonjun there. A bout of nerves flows up through your stomach. That reminds you. 

Sitting up a bit straighter, you consider not doing it. In fact, you really shouldn’t. But your mouth moves before you can put a stopper on it. 

“Hey, Kai,” you say. The thickness in your throat makes you believe that your heart’s jumped up into it, caught. God, what are you doing? The unsure waver in your words has you regretting. 

His eyes flicker up to yours. He hums out a, “Huh?” 

No, this is wrong. You mess with the thin cotton strap of your tank top where it’d slipped down. “Never mind,” you tell him, trying to shrug it off.  

That piques his interest. “No, what?” His brow pinches.  

You lick your lips and shake your head. “Nothing, never mind. Really.” 

His eyes search you from where he sits up against the wall. “Tell me,” he demands. 

Really, you shouldn’t have said it in the first place. It was a ridiculous idea. But now you know he’s not going to let it go. And, ridiculously, you say it. “I was just... wondering,” you say, blood roaring. "Well, Yeonjun wants me to come over to his place this weekend, and... I’ve never...” Sucking in a quick breath, you just spit it out to get it over with, “Would you be my first kiss, Kai?” 

Insects buzz outside as he looks at you, frozen in spot. You reject the urge to dart away or throw up. You’re honestly just as shaken as him. But really, who else could you trust with something like that? You don’t want Yeonjun to be disappointed if he kisses you, or to seem inexperienced to him. 

And, perhaps, the hopelessly in love part of you hopes to at least feel his lips on yours at least once. If you’re going to be alone forever in your longing, you just wish that you can have this. 

“What?” Kai says. He looks rattled.  

Of course, he’s shocked. You shift. “Forget I said that,” you tell him, unable to meet his gaze.  

String-roughened fingers wrap around your upper arm. “I didn’t say anything,” he says, voice strained and face less shock-fallen and more darkened. “But... I mean, you want me to teach you to kiss for some other guy.” He spits out the last bit as if bitter in his mouth.  

“You don’t have to do it,” you say. “I just... thought that I might ask you to do it. I don’t know, I’m sorry I said it. I’ll just wing it or something.” His room’s grown ten degrees hotter, if that was possible. Especially where you feel his eyes on your face.  

Almost imperceptibly, his hand tightens around you. He swallows hard. “You want to learn how to kiss?” he says. “Fine. I’ll teach you.” 

In a heart-stopping moment, your eyes snap to his. Brown and familiar, they hold you with an intensity that turns your limbs into jelly. The air is stifling. “What... do I do?” you ask when the silence becomes too heavy.  

A muscle feathers in his jaw, reflected in the low light of his room. It’s quick and so easy to miss, but it tells you everything you need to know about how this is making him feel. How much disbelief he’s in. “Come here,” he says, stilted around the absolute absurdity of it. He pats on his lap. 

You make a hesitant crawl across the bed toward him. It seems as though your elbows might buckle beneath your weight, but you make it despite the odds. A fog settles over your brain when you rest your hands on his shoulders and bring your legs to straddle his lap. 

But you shove it back; you want to live and breathe every last second of this. No matter how unbelievable or blistering it is.  

Breaths fan out over your face. It’s seizing your mind like undiluted liquor. “Where do I put my hands?” you ask him. It’s breathless, the air stolen right from your lungs though your mouths haven’t even touched.  

“There is fine,” he says. His words sound breathless, too. The weight of his touch on you as he runs his own up to support your back is unsure. “And then...” he says. It falls out on your mouth slowly, and then he’s taking your lips onto his. 

The walls melt away, sound does too. All that is real is the taste of his lips and how they move against you. Your lips start tentative, but you try his mouth movements yourself. It feels like a timid dance—it feels like deep, deep down, finally everything is right. That mist, thick and blinding, falls back over you. 

Something changes. Something in it, where you two meet, changes. He becomes hungry. Softly locked lips turn biting and nipping, shaky breaths exhaled slow through your nose. His hands on your back become surer, and one even ventures off to grab your chin. The other holds you to his chest, melded together despite the intense smoke and flame rolling off your bodies. You wonder if he can feel your heart beating a mess there. 

Reluctance paints you both when you pull back. You’re panting deep drinks of air. It’s hard to think; your mind’s run off and sits just out of reach. Licking your messy lips, stained with illicitness, you can only manage to brush your fingers against it to form words. “How... was that?” you say, searching his eyes. You find his pupils blown so wide that they consume the warm brown. You’re ready to jump out of your skin with that look pointed at you.  

Kai doesn’t answer, though. He slams your mouths back together as if starved by just the brief moment you’d parted for air. Nips on your bottom lip and emboldened hands—he moves like roaring water through a dam. A dam that he’d worked hard to fortify, and yet, at a crack it’s all falling down. Fingertips digging through the fabric of your shorts down to your soft hips, his chest rumbles. You feel it reflected in your core, electricity charging there and shooting up your spine and down your thighs. 

You kiss him for all the times you wish you would’ve, but didn’t. The slight rolls of your hips down onto him come easy. You love how it has him making a sound into your mouth and taking the fat beneath his fingers harder into his hands. He helps you. 

He drops his head into your neck. Your head swims for air and he has you shuddering with just the brushing of his nose against the column of your neck. The walls of his room spin around you. “Kai,” you whine, every bit of friction his jeans provide, even clothed as you are, just enough to rile you but not to give you what you need. 

“God,” he growls, thumbs hooking under your waistband. “You always fucking run around dressed in nothing,” he says, letting his fingers linger like a suggestion of undressing you. “Did you do it on purpose? Expect to make me crazy, knowing I couldn’t touch you?” 

And, in those words, it seems that he steals every last bit of breath from you. How often had you gone braless or worn something like this around him? Laid here, in his bed, like that? 

Grown tired of your fruitless grinding, he brings a hand down to support your lower back and says, “Turn around.” 

Though you explode with the prospect of what he might be intending to do or what’s next, if you’re really going to do this, you do so in a flash of eager limbs. His chest is solid against your back, you melt against the feeling of it. He’d become such a man lately, filled out, and you watched it happen. It was hard for your eyes not to catch on muscle-corded forearms while he picked at strings or to not appreciate the timbred rumble of his voice when you’d feel it come from his chest. How could it not do things to you? Now, he’s dragging your shorts down your legs and you’re in disbelief.  

“Fuck,” he breaths out. His fingers find your panties soaked through. “So, you’re the type to get dripping wet.” 

An embarrassed blush decorates your cheeks. Kai drags his index finger in circles around your clit through the fabric as if enamored with how much of a mess you’d made of it. Your hips twitch every time he rolls right over it. It’s strange how he’s got your body acting on its own volition with his touches. Even stranger that it’s your best friend doing it. “Sorry,” you tell him, wavering.  

He continues those terribly slow circles. “Sorry?” he says, chin on your shoulder. He’s got you wrapped up in him, with nowhere to go but to melt back into him and let his fingers work. Free hand on one of your inner thighs digging divots into the plushness there to hold it still, he tells you, “It’s nothing to be sorry about. It’s hot as fuck. You’re so excited for me to touch you, huh?” 

The words wreak havoc on you, feeding the flame that has your belly twisted up tight and the ignition point between your thighs pounding. To hear them coming from him, reserved Kai, has you digging your fingers into his forearm to prove that it’s real. You’d never have imagined him being so... filthy. You imagine him behind falsely nonchalant eyes, devouring you with a perverted mind all the times you’d spent innocently sitting together in this room.  

Your cheeks squish beneath his fingers as he takes your face and turns it to him. He wants to make sure you’re look at him as he asks you, “Do you want me to finger you?” 

Like a record, your brain skips. Between the blunt, lewd question and his hand on you, it’s in overload. How could ask something like that so simply? Stunned as you are, of course you want him to. You want him to do anything to you. You nod.  

Every last nerve and neuron in your system, just below the skin, cry out when his fingers slow down to nothing. “Hmm?” he says, ignoring the chasing of your hips and the opening of your thighs to invite him into paying your poor pussy the attention he’d ripped from it. He wants to hear you say it.  

About ten minutes ago, you lost your mind. It does not return to you now. “I want you to,” you say, chest beating in tandem with your cunt. 

“You want me to, right? Not some dumbass you met a week ago, huh?” he says. “Because you know that this is what it’s meant to be. Me, doing these things to you. Not some twenty-five-year-old piece of shit. He doesn’t deserve you, baby. Understand?” 

His fingers slider under your panties. Dumb brained and cognition gone muddled, you nod. All you can really think about is the moment his fingers slide over you. Fire licks up your lower belly and your insides as he brushes calloused finger tips finally right against your clit. 

Puffed breaths of a scoff raise goosebumps over your skin. “Teach you to kiss so that you can go over there and get his hands on you,” he says, middle two fingertips prodding at your entrance. “As if you were ever anybody’s but mine. You’d come crawling back to me, baby, because it was always meant to be us. He could never satisfy you.” 

His words might alarm you or have you asking questions if he hadn’t pushed his fingers into you and begun curling them with strong, pointed presses, pulling soft mewls and hums from you until he finds a spot that twists up your insides. Even through the palm you press over your mouth, your moans come out more like wavering grunts and croaks. Your thighs quiver and twitch, threatening to snap closed against your own will with each. Only your feet stay planted to the mattress. Like a cone of soft serve under the sun’s blistering attention, you melt down him. Just his frame keeps you upright. 

“Right there, huh?” he says. The smirk on his mouth filters his words into something taunting. “That’s where you like it.” It’s like he’s learning your body step by step, fulfilling all the questions he’d been forced to only guess at before this.  

“Uh-huh.” It comes out whiny and cracks in the middle, but you can’t find even an ounce of you to care right now. If this moment had been a long spiral, a fall from grace, down into a dark pit of forgotten inhibitions, you’ve just hit the bottom. Cheeks blazing cherry blossom pink and with your fingers curling into his pant leg, you don’t doubt that you are a picturesque mess. The kind of mess that’s beautiful because it’s dirty. Your teeth are not gentle on your plush bottom lip. It stings, tugged back and bitten and still a bit swollen with kisses. Perhaps you taste the tang of metal on it, but you pay it no mind. 

Kai redoubles his efforts. Now that he knows exactly how to play you, he’s fucking you on his fingers without mercy. The sounds coming from your cunt were wet, but now they’re different— nasty squelching. The only noises coupling with your pathetic keening. Forget anchoring yourself on his thigh, forget muffling your sounds. Instead, your hands fly to encircle his flexing forearm. Under your nails, angry red crescents dig into the muscle there. What had been a languid, building pleasure suddenly becomes everything. Your breaths run away from you, and you chase them frantically. Deep down in your core, the muscles spasm and rage against his fingers. “H—oh god,” you groan. Even the muscles in your thighs and tummy tighten up. 

“So whiny...” Kai mumbles, voice taut with the effort of eroding you down into pure, blinding-white pleasure. 

And then, in a swoop of mercy, your belly tightens. You hover here, on the precipice of something so consuming and voracious that your muscles and bones reject it, and yet your heart sings. Your eyes and cheeks and lungs and belly burn, the flame charring the edges of you in a beckon. You answer its call. Kai doesn’t mind the snapping of your legs shut around his arm, nor does your bucking or shaking deter him. He just holds you through it, arm like a metal bar around your waist. He’s everywhere, in this moment—the smell of him, leather and utterly familiar, his mouth dusting hot kisses over your skin, his fingers guiding you through orgasm. Where you’d gone silent in the initial crash of it, you devolve into mewls and grunts as you come down.  

He holds you even as you slump against him boneless. Afterglow simmers in your veins and has your brain all lethargic and lazy. Neither of you speak for a while, your pulse thumping a rhythm. His breaths rise and fall against you; it grounds you in this moment where you feel all spacey and gone. You become aware again of how disgustingly sweltering it is in his room, your skin sheened. 

That brainless bliss only lasts you for so long, though. When rational mind returns to you, no matter how you wish it wouldn’t, you’re hit in the chest with regret so hard it knocks the wind out of you. 

How will anything ever be the same after what you’d just done? Stricken still by the thought, you barely register him pulling his fingers out of you. After all your worrying about making sure no wedge comes between you two, look what you’ve gone and done. No; nothing ever will be the same again.  

⚝⭒ 

A couple of weeks ago, you ruined the one friendship you were supposed to have forever. It presses down heavy one you while you sit sprawled out on Yeonjun’s couch, his arm around your shoulder. His phone casts a glow over his features with all the lights out. 

It doesn’t smell like home. He, pressed against your side, doesn’t smell like home.  

Some stupid movie that he’d picked out, yet somehow you’ve ended up the only one still watching it, weaves a hum into the quiet of his apartment. Tangy hurt wells up in your throat. Even the moments when you and Kai would sit in mutual silence on your phones never felt like this. This is different.  

You haven’t seen Kai since that night. He’s been busy getting ready to move out, and you’ve been here most days. How fast all of it had changed. You wish you’d feel whiplashed, left empty, by the drifting that you’d been so terrified of. But you don’t. It’s just been you, locked on land, watching him being taken away by the ocean’s tide with no way to change its course. You tried and screamed to call him back, but now your voice has gone hoarse.  

And instead of watching him go, you choose to look elsewhere. It’s all you can do to protect yourself from the hurt. 

“Hey,” Yeonjun says, finally addressing you rather than whoever’s he’s got in his phone. “Did you bring anything to change into?”  

“I brought stuff to sleep in,” you say, eyeing him. You know that’s not why he’s asking. If it came down to it, you could just steal something from him and pull it on. He means going out clothes. Your jaw tightens. “But nothing nice. Why?” 

He stretches his arms behind his head in a flaunt of long arms and tanned muscle. Hours spent at the gym lent him those; you appreciate the look of it with a watering mouth. Kai had earned his build by hours spent outside with your dad, because his own could care less, helping him fix up cars and vehicles of all ridiculous sorts. You remember when Kai had first gotten his truck—junk on wheels, honestly—he’d spent so much of summer out there getting it running. And, well... the sun-kissed bronze of his skin and frame that came with it, you had no qualms with. 

But those memories only sit heavy in your chest as you’re sat here beside Yeonjun. You banish them elsewhere; you need to let him drift off. If you can’t have each other, and your feelings won’t permit just being friends, then you have to. You want him to do amazing things, and you fear that it’s your presence in his life that will interrupt that. As much as your feelings are real, they are selfish. You, your unsure direction and all your dead weight, should let him go. Because you love him. 

“The guys want to come over,” he tells you, pushing off from the couch. “You should probably into change into something less showy.” 

Less showy. Your mouth drops into a scoff of disbelief, looking down. A pair of shorts and a shirt, showy? You have to laugh, or else you’ll succumb to the strange embarrassment crawling at the back of your skull. What’s he trying to say? Is that what he thinks of you? “What’s that supposed to mean?” you say, face tilted up to him in a twist of distaste. “I’m wearing something comfy.” 

He shrugs, hands shoved into the pockets of his black sweats. “Don’t want to give them the wrong idea about you, that’s all, baby. They’re guys; I just want to protect you.” 

“No,” you say, the word falling out in a barked laugh. “Why would you even be bringing over dudes that you think will look at me like that? Why are you even friends with people that you think are gonna make moves on your girlfriend?” He holds a hand out to you, but your hands stay right where they are: crossed solidly over your chest. 

Throwing that hand up in audacious exasperation, he gives you a look that makes you feel small and petulant—like you’re throwing an overblown fit. And, maybe you are. You should probably just do it; him seeing you as some overbearing or high maintenance girl has that embarrassment flaring like wildfire that’s found dry brush. “C’mon, baby,” he says, a lazy smile on his mouth that gets under your skin. “Let’s just have an easy night. Don’t make it a big deal.” 

Let’s just have an easy night. As if you’re the one ruining the night. Something snarky tries to seize your tongue, but you hold it down. “I thought it would be just us. We wanted to watch the movie together, Yeonjun. Can’t you wait to hang out with your friends? Let’s enjoy our time together; you’ve got your shift tomorrow.” 

“My fucking god,” he groans, running a hand through his hair furiously. “You’re needy, you know that? The neediest I’ve ever had to put up with. I don’t put up with needy, baby. Can’t you just chill out a little? My last didn’t mind when I’d have friends over.” 

Your eyes burn. Your cheeks burn. He’d been with plenty of other girls before you; that, you’re well aware of. It’s been a corrosive source of self-doubt for you. You don’t want that title: the neediest he’s ever had. Don’t want him to think of you as some prude that won’t let him have fun. Just... hearing him bring up the other girls he’d been with before you stings and leaves welts no different from a slap in the face. Feelings of inadequacy shackle you and have you saying, “Fine. I’m gonna borrow some of your clothes.” 

Heavy resentment blooms on your skin where he bends down and presses kisses to your cheek, and then mouth, and then down your neck. “Thank you, baby.” 

And, where those ugly, wilted flowers of it bloom, you hear echoes of something. Something that tells you that Kai wouldn’t treat you like this. But you’ve made your bed, decided to do it yourself, and now you’ve got to lay on it. 

⚝⭒ 

The frat parties are the worst kind of social outing that Yeonjun insists upon. The smaller kinds, more intimate gathering with just his closer friends, you tolerate much easier. You’re not fond of the circles he chooses. Breathing in thick, smoked-out air surrounded by alcohol-coated breaths is not your type of fun night. Somehow, you end up doing that more than date nights. But that’s better than being here. The base rumbles up through your feet and makes your stomach sick, and it reeks of grinding bodies and body odor, and condensation coats your fingers from the red solo cup as full as when you’d first gotten it. 

But, still, you come along. Not every time, but when you don’t, you lay in his bed sickening yourself with images of what he might be doing here. How pathetic is it to attend parties with your boyfriend because you fear that otherwise, he might stick his tongue down the throats of other girls? 

You’re looking for him right now, awkward and left alone. He’d promised to stick around; you had begged him to. That was pathetic, too. You know that you put up with too much. If he loved you, or honestly even liked you, you two would be in the thick of the throngs dancing or off somewhere talking with others. Together. The frantic skimming and weeding of your eyes through the blur of faces is not right. That’s not how he should make you feel. It’s not how Kai would make you feel. 

Well, Kai would never have you here in the first place. 

Venturing out from your little corner, you sift between the bodies of people have a hell of a lot better time than you. Drunken, some you bounce off of like bumper carts. You press your palm over the round face of your cup to spare the floor from spillage threatening to pour over the lip. It’s not like a splash from yours would matter much, though. The linoleum has already been made a fetor mess of dirt off shoes and the sticky sugar of liquor. Your shoes peel from it as you walk. God, what would your parents think of you being here? 

You peek around corners and eye big groups. He’s not in the kitchen when you look there, either. Your stomach feels sick in a knowing way—a gut feeling that doesn’t justify anger or tears just yet, but you know. Right in the center of your chest, you know. 

It’s in some room that you find him. Sat on the floor along with a few faces you don’t know, he pulls from his bottle. And on his shoulder, he lets a girl with shining curls and pink cheeks rest her head. At your busting in on the intimate gathering, Yeonjun’s eyes slide to you. Recognition flashes over them and wars with bleary drunkenness. 

“Hey, baby,” he says. Their gazes all fall on you, but you can hardly see them through blurry eyes. 

The girl lifts her head from his shoulder. She’d caught the memo. 

“I think I’m gonna go.” You make it sound resigned, try to not let them see your shame, but your voice betrays you and crackles. Maybe it’s better to pretend it doesn’t feel like you’ve just been kicked in the stomach and left to reel against the force, but you can’t. You’re nowhere near shocked, nowhere near blindsided, but still you hurt. 

He follows you down the hall. “What’s your problem?” he says, the few, plain words mending and waving into a slurring. 

You’ve got one goal: get to the front door, away from the shitty music and him. His words, sharpened, fall off your skin despite his efforts. What good would fighting do you, anyway? It was always going to end up this way. This is just who he is, and he doesn’t give two shits enough about you to want to change that. 

“Baby, seriously? That made you this mad? I didn’t even fucking do anything. Stop being insecure,” he says. At the gritting of your teeth, he sees an opportunity and pounces on it. “You don’t need to be jealous. I don’t do jealous shit. We can dance, or something. Shit, I don’t know what you want! Just stop throwing a fit.” 

Didn’t do anything? You have to laugh. Maybe you didn’t walk in on him fucking someone else, but that’s not what this is about. Not even a little bit. You’ve checked out, and the fact that he thinks he can make you believe that it’s your fault this time only drives the killing stake in harder. 

Maybe you’re bitter. It claws at your insides—turns your face hot and screams in your face that you’ve been used. But beside it sits a sadness. Not the slow kind, but the quick sadness of hurt. Why hadn’t you been good enough for him to love you? To like you? You’d left behind Kai and rested your new life on Yeonjun’s shoulders. You’d wanted so badly for his approval, or for him to want you. You did your best to try and make this work out because you needed it to. You needed so desperately proof that you could fall in love with somebody else. But your best was not what Yeonjun was interested in.  

Pins and needles prick your skin as you step outside, like jumping into an ice bath. It shocks you out of dizziness. Words surge up and out in a flash flood like hard reality. You spin on him. “Jealous?” you say, choking out a scathing laugh. “The last thing I’d ever let myself suffer over you is jealousy. Get over yourself. I’m going, stay here if you want. I don’t care.” 

“How are you gonna do that, huh?” he says. The flickering yellow of the porchlight paints his features. The shadow of something fluttering around it cuts dark spots in the light, and then a small little moth comes down and jumps around in his face. He waves it off. “Gonna have bitch boy come pick you up? You can’t leech off him forever; he’s gonna get sick of picking up another man’s girlfriend.” It seems like you walking in on that had sobered him up, but his breath still curls out onto your face with the reek of alcohol. “It’s not a big deal. You’re making this a bigger deal than it has to be. Do you not trust me?”  

“You are such a piece of shit,” you grit out. “I don’t know what I was thinking. Ever. I don’t know how I let this go on for so long.” You don’t like him having Kai in his mouth, don’t like him trying to act like you’re conflating things, and especially don’t like that face he’s making. As if you’re acting crazy and overblown. “No, I don’t trust you. You didn’t fuck her, but come on, Yeonjun. Seriously? You think I’m stupid, and I’m sick of it. You thought this would be easy because I didn’t have the experience you have, but I’m sorry. I don’t like being walked over.” 

“If you’re gonna be so goddamn jealous, then maybe we aren’t gonna work,” he says. 

That moth, floating light in the air, is right back in his face. Yeonjun takes two hands and smashes it between a clap of his hands. He shakes its flattened, broken body off his hand. Looking down at it laying there on top of dirt-caked concrete, you get this... feeling. A tickling around your person.  

“See if I care,” you snap, throat aching against the onslaught of emotion and held back tears.  

⚝⭒ 

Rivulets of raindrops dilute the tears on your cheeks. Your hair plasters to your face and your clothes to your body.  

For a week, you’d went about it all as if it hadn’t happened. And then you came here.  

It’d not been this rainy when you first got down to the creek—just a gentle trickle, really. You hadn’t been crying then, either. But, watching the water work at babbling over stone, you let yourself feel it. Here, where you’d had so many good memories. You’ve gone and tainted it, now. But for whatever reason, you’d just wanted to be here. Arms curled around yourself and fingers digging into drenched sleeves, you don’t wipe away the tears or cover the sounds of your crying. You let the stream hear it; it’ll sweep it right up and down the way. Somewhere far off, where you don’t have to feel it anymore. 

You realize that, usually, you’d be over at Kai’s right now. The fact that his room was not the first place you thought you could go to anymore is a punch to the gut. You drop your face into your hands and cry harder. Really, you’ve got to stop doing that to yourself. Thinking of sad things—putting your hurt under the microscope to see it closer. It’d be easier to just fold it up and tell yourself that it’ll pass, and that relationships end all the time. 

It’s not him that you cry over. Well, maybe some of it is. Rather, it’s that you have absolutely no idea where you’re going. Where you are. Finally, you’d built yourself a raft to get off the shore and go out to sea, because that’s what you’re supposed to do, and it’s breaking apart right beneath you. And, stranded and alone in the water, you’ve got no way to get back to shore to build yourself another raft. You’re stranded, and the scariest bit is that you’re doing it all alone. You weren’t supposed to do this alone. You two made promises back then. 

You suppose that a promise is one of those things you were supposed to leave faith in back on shore. 

The raindrops are heavy over you. The fall of it roars against the ground, a torrent downpour. It’s not coupled with whipping wind or flashes of lightning—just straight, still falling. It’s a somber feeling no different from the gnawing in your chest. 

Like chimes, there’s a distant, gentle sound. Maybe water falling over creek rock, but it’s more like suggestion. A sweet sound that you shouldn’t even be able to hear over the rest of it, it’s as if it’s right in your ear. A whisper.  

You fix your blurry eyes with a wet sleeve. Rain falls right back into its place, but you see it: a silvery, whimsy haze. And the moths. They jump and call you, this time. Their glow bounces off the rainy mist against the grey of night’s arrival. Then, all you can hear is the whispering. Where you stand frozen, your feet beg to move. To follow them. 

So you do. 

Their entourage of moondust trails them where they go, wrapping you up and weaving between raindrop and space. You don’t worry where they’ll take you, or even try to wrap your head around this happening again. You just follow, mind glossed over and entranced with how beautiful it is. When you’d seen them before, it’d made you uneasy. Mostly because it looked so unearthly and unbelievable. But this time you just follow. 

A far-off voice, one oh-so-familiar, peaks through the haze. It’s not enough to stop you, but then you hear it again, louder and closer. 

You blink a few times. Once to break away the fog, and then twice to focus your eyes on Kai stood in front of you. His hair lays in wet spikes over his eyes and beads of rain trace the planes of his face. He’s as soaked as you. 

“Kai?” you say. Looking around you, you’ve ended up somewhere in the field between your houses and the creek. But you’ve got no recollection of walking here. Whatever that mist is, sentient or not, had swept you here.  

His voice is strained, but you appreciate hearing it. “Break up with him,” he tells you. 

In his eyes, as you search them, there’s stardust glowing like reflection. Your face twists up. “What?” you say, breath a puff of smoke ahead of you. Summer had come and gotten away from you so fast, and now it’s gone all cold again. 

“Break up with him,” he echos, face solemn. He looks ruffled. 

“Why?” you ask, “And why are you out here?” 

“Because I’m moving out today, and I think I deserve to at least see you before I go.” His eyes look over you. “And... your dad said you went down to the creek.” 

He’s moving out today, and you had no idea. And really, it’s your fault. You’d driven that wedge between the two of you. “I did break up with him.” 

Downpour fills his quiet for a few moments, his face swirling with emotion like the clouds above you. He nods. “Good.” 

There are a few more long minutes between you; just you two searching each other's faces, antsy to say so much that it bunches up in your chests and stalls. It’s what a summer of longing does to you. Even with Yeonjun, even trying to slowly chip away the stitching that had connected the two of you at the hip, you were helpless to stop the gnawing of the love you bear for him. Even just seeing him now, you feel those threads mending back up. God, why does it have to be so hard? 

He just looks at you. For a few beats, he just looks at you. There are so many questions in his eyes. They flit across and turn over, but all he settles on is, “Why?” 

There’s so much you want to tell him. Words pile up to the top, some threatening to spill over. But you know that if you tell him some of it, just to make up for all the time you’d missed out on together, it’ll all come crashing out. And you don’t think you want him to know just how much you accepted, the way you let yourself get treated. So, you shake your head and say, “It doesn’t matter.” 

Kai looks like he wants to push that issue, but whatever look he finds on your face deters him. “Come with me,” he pleads. “I want you to come with me.” 

Your throat tightens. Curling your arms around yourself harder, the rain only coming down on you harder, you say, “Kai, I want to. I want to. I just... I don’t want to freeload off you, because you’re doing great things, and I’m just...” Your tongue darts out to wet your lips, but they’re already as soaked as the rest of you. “I’m just going nowhere. And I don’t want to be a burden, or ever be the reason that you can’t do what you dream of. If staying here means that you become everything that you’re destined to do, then I’m happy with that, Kai. I am.” 

He shakes his head, stumbling toward you. “No, no you don’t get it,” he says, frantically taking your shoulders into big hands. Under his touch, every taut muscle goes slack. You melt. “You don’t get it. You are the music. Every single song is about you. Every single fucking song is about you. I want you to come with me, please. I love you, I have always loved you, and I will always love you, and I thought you’d loved me too, and I don’t want to do this alone. I can’t do it alone.” 

He loves you. Kai loves you. The enormity of it rumbles the ground where you stand on legs you fear might just give in. You flex your fingers to combat the tears pricking your eyes. It doesn’t work; they brim and well up, spilling down over your cheeks. “What?” you say, voice softly breaking. “Kai, I didn’t...” 

“And just when I thought I finally had you, you left me,” he says, throwing a hand up beside him in a big gesture. “You left me! I woke up thinking you’d be there, and that maybe you loved me too, and you had left me. And then you threw me away for some piece of shit, and you stopped coming around.” His chest heaves for breaths. 

Your face contorts. That night, the one where you two had slipped up, you’d fallen asleep curled up against his chest on undiluted contentment. When you woke up, you had panicked. You thought he’d wake up and pretend it hadn’t happened, or he’d be uncomfortable, or even be disgusted and regretting. You couldn’t handle that, so you slipped out before he woke up. It’d been an attempt to protect your tender heart, but looking at the twitching of his lip now, you begin to think it’s the most selfish thing you’ve ever done. He thinks you used him and left him. Your stomach twists. Voice thick, you say, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I left you, Kai. I thought you didn’t... I thought you didn’t see me that way. I was scared. I’m sorry I hurt you.” 

Brows knitted together, he says, “Thought I didn’t love you?” His hand cups your cheek, warm against the soft frozen skin he finds there. “I’ve... I’ve dreamed of you almost every night of my life. In my sleep, I see you, and you’re happy and glowing, and that damn... mist is all around you. I couldn’t get away from you even in my sleep.” 

Darting between his eyes, soft and reflecting your face back to you, it’s hard to breathe. Kai’s dreamt of you; he’s as sickly in love with you as you are him. Thunder claps, and the ground shakes, and the heavens open up above you, the trumpets belt, and you two are in love. Somewhere deep in your center, you feel it—your soul nodding yes. 

The mist. You know exactly what he’s talking about. “I saw it. That stuff, those moths. The stuff we saw back then.” 

“I did too,” he says, wet spikes of hair bouncing with a nod. “Not that long ago. It was the first time I saw it out of a dream since that day.” 

Back then, you two had only budding, innocent love for each other. Things hadn’t become mangled and lost to confused hearts or expectations. When they’d appeared to you, you hadn’t needed it. This time, you’d followed it. And it had led you here—somehow had led you right to the very spot you needed to so that every last piece might fall into place. For this moment to happen. You know why it did. 

“I’ll go with you, Kai. I’ll go wherever you go; I love you. I’ve loved you since forever,” you say, each and every word massive and lovely on your tongue. “I’m sorry I didn’t say it earlier.” 

So unlike the last times your mouth had met, he brings his mouth to yours with a dazzling clarity. No longer is it confused kisses; he locks his lips against yours with the urgency of so many years being unable to. Kai’s hands cradle your wet cheeks, hold you so tenderly into his kiss. His touch grounds you, makes the moment real. You melt into him—your fingers curled into his shirt as if holding him there so that he won’t disappear like something of an incorporeal dream. He sighs through his nose, kissing you harder. Even if it all were fake and this was nothing more than a feverish figment of your imagination, you think you could die happy just knowing this once. 

But it is utterly real, and utterly yours. You kiss him harder, too. 

When your lungs start to burn and plead for breath, you two pull away from each other. Your eyes flutter open to capture his. Warm and brown and the same ones you’ve stared into so many times before, but not like this, you sink into them. He runs his thumb over your cheek as he sinks into yours. His tongue darts out to lick lips painted with you. In the inches between you, space no longer feels heavy or charged with grievances. Every last unsaid thing had been answered. 

“I have my stuff up in the truck,” he says, breaths soft. Brown eyes dart around your face. “I’ll help you add your stuff to it.” 

You shudder out a breath. Add your stuff to it. A nervous energy settles down over you, but it doesn’t seem so bad if you’re doing it with him. Together.  

“Okay,” you whisper, a balmy secret just like the ones you used to share in small, giggly voices so many years ago. “Okay.” 

⚝⭒ 

Shivers seize you like jittering bones, all wrapped up in a blanket. The velour cushion seats beneath you have soaked up water and become damp, but Kai’s got the heater blasting. You wind around back roads, headlights illuminating the way ahead of you. Stray droplets whip in them, but nothing much. Isn’t it funny how the rain had just stopped like that? That’s just how the weather is, out here. You wonder how the weather might act wherever you’re headed. 

Your teeth chatter as if your jaw had its own will. The two of you had the windows down thinking that the wind might dry you off, but all it’s done is lap at your bitten cheeks. You reach down for the handle to crank it up. You’ve got a long drive ahead of you—either you’ll eventually dry off, or you can pull off at a rest area to change in a bathroom. The wet clothes are really not helping. 

With an arm up on the steering wheel, Kai turns his attention on you. You know that smile. “Cold?” he asks, eyes darting between your face and the road. With the hand he’s not got working the steering wheel, he runs fingers over your thigh. Soft, gentle massages, yes. The number it does on your core is absurd. Each mindless digging into your thighs and brush of his thumb, sparks sputter there. You’ve sat here, right in his passenger seat, so many times before. Day trips up to the lake, the one he’d joined your family camping at for so many summers, all the times he’d driven you to school in this truck, and even just a quick run down to a convenience store for a late-night snack. You’d deemed it your seat. But never once had you sat in it like this. Your heart does a flip. All those times you’d wish he’d reach over and do just this—a small gesture that would’ve been so big then. And it’s your reality, now.  

“Freezing,” you say. A brush of his fingers nearer the apex of your thighs sends you pressing them together and shifting in your seat. “But not everybody runs as hot as you, though, so.” 

His eyes catch the movement in just the split second he looked over to you. “Huh,” he says. He turns to look at you, his gaze flickering with something anew. Something that you’d only ever seen once before. “Is that it?” 

It’s hard to swallow. His fingers brush higher, and higher, feather-dustings of calloused fingertips that sends tingles shooting up your spine at the slightest suggestion of where he’s headed. “Yes,” you say, feigning indignance to cover the shiver that threatens to overtake you. When his fingertips dance at the waistband of your bottoms, it does so anyway. “Kai,” you say, blood hot in your veins. “You’re...driving.” 

His eyebrows pinch into a taunting furrow. “I am,” he says, nodding. “Don’t worry about it, baby. I’ve got us.” 

And he does; fingers slipping under the band of both your bottoms and your panties, he doesn’t even tear his eyes off the road. He’d driven these roads so much, you think he might be able to do it asleep. Even drawing a mewl from you with a brush over your clit, he doesn’t look away more than a quick glimpse at your pinkened cheeks. 

Two fingers dragging up your folds, right over the source of the mess. “You get excited so easily, huh?” he hums. “You like it when I play with you.” 

When he presses those fingers at your entrance, you can’t help but be taken back to that night. It echoes and reverberates through you. Long fingers, strong and punctual brushes against the sweet spot—he was criminally good with his fingers. Playing guitar did more for him than just music. He seemed to know exactly how to utilize those roughened fingers and trained flicks. Your muscles flicker as he abandons your hole for more brushes at your bud.  

Those teasing, sly touches turn to something more serious. His fingers roll over your clit, slow but enough to have you sighing and rolling your hips against the seat belt. But last time had gone just like this, him touching you and receiving nothing. He should feel good, too. “Shouldn’t you pull over?” you sigh, muscles taut. Your breaths come out shuddering and half-controlled, interrupted by the tightness that each delicious swirl provokes. The door takes the brunt of your grip, white-knuckling the interior. 

He laughs, a husky sound that is tinder to fire. He knows what you mean. “Maybe,” he says. “But I think I’m enjoying this plenty. I think I want to see you cum on my fingers again.” 

Fingers pinching and flicking faster, you grow breathy and whiny, hips rolling against the seatbelt and back into the seat. Your muscles, all the way down your thighs and deep in your belly, jump and twitch each time his fingers run over your clit in just the right spot—that tender spot that’s so good that it teeters on overwhelming. The kind that makes you hiss and then want more. “Shit, Kai,” you whine. “Right—there, keep going."  

He doesn’t answer with any teasing words. No, he just doubles down right at that angle and pressure, leaned back into his seat and driving as if he wasn’t fingers-deep in your panties right now. His sculpted profile at total ease—it does something for you. A delicious tightness curls its fingers over your center, promising a sugary ecstasy that you can’t help but chase. Bucking into his hands as best you can, you go quiet. Right there—right there, you feel it. The cusp. Your fingers brush over it, clenching around nothing and squeezing your thighs tight around him. Every last drop of blood in your body reaches for it, singing and dancing through your veins and making you dizzy. 

And then he stops. Your mouth drops open, whiplashed and helpless to its slipping away from you. You whittle your gaze into something sharp and turn to him. “What—why?” you complain. The tide slips further and further and further back, but you still taste sea salt on your tongue. Frustration sets in its place as you feel it go. Seriously, you’d been right there. “You’re so mean.” 

He slows and then with the clicking of the turn signal, he’s off the road and pulling the truck into park on a little secluded side road. Where the headlights pierce the pitch black, nothing but gravel and field surrounds you. He doesn’t kill the engine, instead pulling his hand free from you. 

Your heart, still stuttering with your lost orgasm, kicks back to life as he smears your slick over your mouth, dragging it over your lips and then taking his thumb to run it right over the plush of your mouth. “Am I?” he says, fingers taking your chin to meet your eyes with his. Endless hunger, pupils so blown that his eyes look black, pins you. “I don’t think you’ve seen mean yet, baby.” 

Darting your tongue out to clean your lips, you look at him through your eyelashes. “Show it to me, then.” 

Something dark passes over his face. It has your skeleton jumping out of your body. Then, he says, “Is that what you want? You want mean?” 

Brain gone to mush that can only really think about him touching you, a slow nod is all you can manage. 

The engine’s hum prevails for some long, thick seconds. And then, he tilts his head in a gesture. “Get in the back.” 

Holy shit. You want to sit there frozen in an overwhelming sort of excitement, but his seatbelt clicks undone and you’re set into motion. In a flurry of giggles and clumsy limbs, you climb up over the center console and into the backseat. He slips out of the front seat, not bothering to even kill the engine. 

The door beside you opens in a swirl of cold wind. In nothing more than a blink, a strong hand has both your wrists pinned to the cushions and your back flush against it. Nose-to-nose, his breath hot over your face. “I’ve got plenty of ideas as to how I can warm you up.” 

You appreciate each other’s faces for a beat more, you looking up at him big-eyed and waiting. Kai breaks the moment to attack your neck in a procession of bites and kisses. Your mouth falls into a silent sound. 

“You know,” he says, free hand working your pants off. His eyes are trained on you, though. “I thought about doing this to you all summer. Touching you again.” He moves on to your top, pushing the fabric up until your chest is freed, clad in soft cotton. He eats the sight up. You want to reach down and cup the back of his head or feel his hair between your fingers as he presses his mouth against the soft beginning of your cleavage, but he’s got your wrists firmly planted. So much so, that you wonder exactly how he’s got you so secure with just one hand. Kai is strong, but maybe you hadn’t seen just how strong. Your skin aches under the purple bites he decorates you in. The sight of him—face in your chest and marking you up so lazily—has your teeth abusing your bottom lip. Whatever sounds you might make otherwise would be embarrassing. Kai lifts his eyes to you. “And I think you thought of me, too. Didn’t you?” 

“Oh, god, yes,” you say, writhing beneath him. He’s going so slow. You want him all over you. “So much.” 

He likes that. He takes your pebbled nipple into his mouth through the fabric. Soft grazes of teeth and sucks, you’re burning all over. When he pulls back, he’s left you dark wet patches when the bra had only just dried against your body heat. “Good,” he rasps, taking his big hands demanding and hungry over your torso. They swallow your frame up, soothing skin but lighting it aflame all the same. “Good girl.” 

You never thought just words could unravel you, but those did the job. Not a gasp, nor a sucking in of breath—no, you go silent and brainless, fumbling for rational thought. 

The dropping of your jaw has Kai delighted. “You’re so pretty,” he says. In a swift and powerful hoist, he’s tugging you down the cushions toward him with greedy fingers. He’s got your thighs pressed up to your chest. You’re bent right in half. 

Out of breath, you huff out, “You too.” 

A quick laugh falls from his mouth, lips pulled into a smug tilt. He nips at your calf up by his face. “So sweet, it almost makes me feel bad for what I’m about to do to you.” Reaching down for your panties, he pulls back on the suffocating press for only enough time to drag them up your legs. Those get discarded somewhere on the floor. Who cares about that right now, though? All you can register is the metallic clinking of his belt being undone. It’s got your nervous system twisting up. 

And, those words. Electricity shoots bolts of pure, sizzling revery into your core. What I’m about to do to you. You imagine a great deal of things that he might mean, but still, you think that none could hold a candle against the promise his voice held in saying it. 

Kai presses his body to your thighs and hooks your calves over his shoulders, and it all becomes real. The press of his heavy cock to your folds, the digging of his fingers into your outer thighs, his pretty eyes sparkling with something feral. As real as it gets—more real than anything you’ve ever felt in the entirety of your life. Your hands find perch flattened to his broad chest. 

The position leaving you two no option but to look right into each other, he holds your gaze and begins slow drags of his hot length up and down your slit. Tantalizing, awful, awful drags. When his tip nudges your eager clit, you jolt. And then he does it again. And again. 

“Kai,” you mewl. A press against your hole has you hopeful, and he lingers there for a moment, but doesn’t give it to you. Can’t he just fuck you? You’ve never been more pitifully in need of something in your life. 

“Shh.” His ruts get more daring, smearing your slick up onto your belly. “Take it.” 

You wiggle your toes in the air and make passes at arching yourself into him in search of better friction. He’s got you pressed so suffocatingly into the seat that it does absolutely nothing for you. In fact, he holds your harder and changes tack so that your thighs press together. At the very apex of them, his weeping cock slips through the seam. 

Pressing his cheek into your calf, he watches you. Every gasp and shaky inhale, he watches. It spurs his rutting on, sticky sounds and pants eating up the air. Your nails claw at his hands as, finally, a knot tightens in your core. 

“Yes, please,” you breathe. He fucks your thighs harder. Faster. Every nudge at your clit and hole becomes euphoric. “Kai, baby—I’m gonna—” 

Just as furiously easy as last time, he rips it all away from you. The rushing away of the buzzing and promise of shaking thighs—he takes it from you again. It brings prickling tears to your eyes. “Kai?” you hiss. “Again?” 

His eyes aren’t playful. He pulls your calves back over his shoulders, handling your hips into a better position to press his cock right at your entrance as if you weigh nothing. Face utterly straight, he says, “I don’t think you deserve it, do you? Not after what you did with Yeonjun.” 

A swallow goes down your throat hard. He presses himself just a bit harder into you. Not in yet, but right there. 

When he does begin sliding in, the stretch of it... You cling to him and squirm between him and the warm cushions behind you. Each inch is a heady feeling, all the way up to the hilt of him. He shudders a controlled breath. “You’re so fucking tight, though,” he grits out. “Did he not fuck you right?” 

Slaps of skin bounce off the car interior and between your bodies. He starts off at a brutal pace; you know it’s meant to make your brain go foggy. Squeezing your eyes closed, you manage, “I... didn’t fuck him.” It comes out strangled, voice bouncing as he fucks you into the car seat. 

Thumb tugging your bottom lip down and then dipping into your mouth, he watches the show of your ecstasy down to every last detail. “Yeah?” he says, voice shaking and almost desperate. “Always thinking of me, huh? Such a good little princess. You know exactly where your heart belongs.”  

You want to answer him, even just with a whine or moan. You try to. But with his thumb pressing down on your tongue, enough to pin it to the floor of your mouth, it’s not gonna happen. He tastes salty in your mouth. 

His truck consists of his grunts and whines, and your taut groans for some moments that seem to stretch forever. The planes of his groin grind against your clit when he delivers occasional pointed rolls, but mostly it’s just an animalistic, feverish dancing of your two sweaty bodies, holds growing more frantic the closer you get.  

Thumb wet with saliva; he frees your mouth. The hand trails slowly down your face and your chin, brushing feather touches, until he finds your neck. 

Your eyes fly open, wide. He pressed his fingers into your neck—no real pressure yet, he looks at you through damp strands of dangling hair and says, “Want my fingers around your neck?” His thumb brushes over the buzzing pulse point there. 

“Yes,” you grit out, body bouncing and back raw with friction against the coarse cushion’s surface. Your breath stutters, your mind stutters. Even your blinks stutter, eyelids too lazy to keep up. “Please.” 

The pressure of his fingers there—it frightens you and has you tightening around him at the same time. But you would trust nobody more with your life than Kai. 

He presses his cheek to your calf to indulge in the sight of you like this: underneath him, folded in two, nowhere to go but to take his pistoning hips, cheeks blazing, and his fingers pressed into your windpipe. If the way he becomes sloppier and more desperate in his tempo has anything to say for it, it does something for him. 

“Gonna be my pretty little girlfriend, huh?” he says. His voice is tight—so is your belly. You’re both so close. Hopefully, this time he’ll let you cum. “Take you to every show; show you off to everybody. Fuck.” 

Brain like static and swimming with a pinched flow of oxygen, you slur your words. “You’re—hah—gonna have other girls all over you.” 

The taunting, split-second raise of his brows flips your belly. You tighten him again. If he keeps hitting that spot, tip ramming into the soft spot deep inside you that he’d taken such delicate care of finding last time, you’re going to burst into sparkling flame and firework. He growls, “Well, I’ll just have to knock you up so that they know I’m yours, huh?” 

Holy shit. You like the sound of that. Your nails dig into his wrist around your neck, but you cry out a pitchy, “Yes!” 

“Oh, you like that?” Kai releases your throat to take both your hips. You gulp for air, finding nothing but the thick air of sex and humid breaths, at the opportunity. He’s ramming into you like he’s found a purpose. “Isn’t this the perfect position to do it? Get you pregnant?” 

With every last bit of brain power you’ve got, teetering on the edge excruciatingly close to salvation, you groan a long, hoarse sound. “Fuck, yes! Please, Kai, inside—” A hot trail of tears roll down your temples. 

It’s all he’s got to hear to still inside you. His growl rumbles deep in his chest, holding you in place and filling you with his hot cum deep in your cunt. That feeling, coupled with his short grinds against your clit as he fucks his seed deeper, takes your soul by sinful claws and crumbles it down into nothing. You burst into a shaking, whimpering peak, sucking your lips into your mouth to bare through the sheer twisting of your insides and the flame that consumes up your thighs and cunt. 

He falls on you heavy, face in your neck. Warm kisses against your clammy skin meld with your slow floating down, the two of you a beautiful, nasty picture of fucked out. He stays right inside you—the absolute stillness of him, you think he has no plans of pulling out any time soon. His long fingers card through your sweaty locks of hair. 

Finally, he presses himself off you. You get a glimpse of the window behind him—fogged up and filthy with your affairs. Anybody to see the truck from the outside would know exactly what went on inside, but right now, you don’t care. Not one bit. Your panted breaths drag in nothing but musk and thick, hot air. The drumbeat in your chest tells you that, despite how you feel ripped straight from your body, you are very much still alive. More alive than ever. 

“Warm?” he says, pushing sticky hair off his forehead. He’s a mess, too. His hair is ruffled with your touch, his clothes rumpled the same, beads of sweat rolling down the planes of his cheeks and neck, and his eyes a lazy smolder. As much as he looks like sex personified, a soft smile twitches at his lips. 

You snort. You can’t help but feel giddy, here with him. You’re with him. Nothing has ever felt more right. Unplugged when he pulls out of you, your mess trickles down onto the seat below you. “Yeah,” you say. “Very.” 

Warm is not enough to begin to describe how you feel. In your ears, you hear whisperings. Soft and gentle. Perhaps it was divine intervention, or the fates lending you their word, or maybe just rational thought. It says: 

Home. You are home. 

✎୭ ashlynn's note how do we feel about this pair? i really didn't mean for this to get so long, but i ended up RLLY liking their chemistry. i had to do their story justice. also, i finished this with kai as a guitarist and then his drummer performance came out... hmm.

﹙🏷️ ﹚@lvrs-street2mmorrow , @soohashits , @f4iryfever , @arcturus444 , @linqed , @serenityism00 , @immelissaaa , @luv4cheol , @lickingan0rchid , @20-cms , @hhoneylix , @beestvng , @hyucktapes , @bewitchless , @prince-jjae , @blankliving , @yaoizee , @stormy1408 , @missychief1404 , if your tag isn't working, check the mentions part of your settings!

[luvrxbunny]

mural

Pairing: Miguel O’Hara x F!Reader

Prompt: Marking

Warnings: 18+ MDNI, some grinding, piv, unprotected sex (lmk if I forgot anything)

WC: 3.3k

A/N: possibly all over the place and the last one! *relieved(?) sobbing* (not proofread)

It’s the first time in a very long time that Miguel is looking in the mirror and doesn’t like what he sees. It’s not about his body really, more about what you left on him… what’s now fading.

You mark him up to your heart's content every time you’re together since he’s never in anything but his suit, all his parts are covered, including your favorite spot; his neck. He tells you they’re a bit of a nuisance. Sure, he never takes off his suit but now he has to worry about it. He’s said this to you more times than he can count but you never listen, and thank god you don’t because he secretly loves them.

Yet for some reason, you seem to have listened to him the last time he told you. You haven’t marked him up in weeks. All his love bites are now fading and he never realized how empty his skin is. He’s in the bathroom and you’re sitting on the bed, he closed the door to inspect his body, secretly admiring the art you leave on his skin but a frown rose to his face, and has stayed there since he realized that almost all of them were gone. His fingertips run over the faint red splotch on his neck and a shiver runs through him.

He needs more. He needs you to mark him up again. He walks out of the bathroom and just watches you on your phone. You don’t look up at him, “You took a while in there! Is it safe for me to go in?” You laugh at your own joke and finally look up when he doesn’t laugh with you. “Are you okay?” You put your phone down and sit up, giving him your full attention and his heart warms at the action.

He weighs his options for a bit. He could come right out and admit that he was lying all those times he told you not to mark him up, that he doesn’t like it… or he could seduce you into giving him more… He chooses the ladder. He takes a deep breath, letting his chest expand and rolling his shoulders back, something that always gets your heart racing. He cracks his neck and lets his eyes roll back with the action before looking back at you with a smile. “I want you, sweetheart.”

He’s laying it on thick, giving you the best ‘fuck me’ eyes he has, and using one of your favorite nicknames. It’s working. He watches your thighs press together for a moment as a wide smile splits your face. “Yeah?” You ask, already crawling to the edge of the bed, where he stands. You let your legs hang over the edge, beside his as you rest your hands on the band of his sweatpants, still smiling up at him. Just the look in your eyes has him hardening in his sweats. Your eyelids flutter once his bulge starts to push the fabric outward, almost touching your face as it grows.

He’s still just watching you, your eyes are on his, giving him an evil look of promise, that you’re going to completely ruin him. Once he’s fully hard his clothed dick is pressing into your cheek and you have to actively avoid rubbing your face into it. You’re not crazy it’s just- you love it so much. Your head tilts into his crotch subconsciously and he takes a sharp breath, it trembles as he exhales. Your eyes are still on his, growing increasingly hazy and your legs start trying to press into each other. He makes a move.

His hands press onto your shoulders, pushing you onto your back, lying in the middle of the mattress. His hands then cup the back of your thighs, lift your spread legs onto the bed, and push you up to the backboard. You’re clawing at him frantically, panting and trying to pull him up so you can connect your lips with his. You’re whining into his mouth in a way that’d have him thinking you’ve been needing him silently for hours. His hands rest beside your head, cradling it as he shoves his lips against yours, a deep groan building in his chest at how soft your life feels against him. His hips drop to yours, earning a soft moan from both of you when his dick presses into your pussy.

One hand leaves your head to hold your hips in place as he grinds against you, angling his bulge so it’s bumping your clit with every thrust. You have to detach from his lips to let out a gut-wrenching moan that he responds to with a low, breathy whine. “Fuck.” He grits out through his teeth, he needed you more than he realized. His hand comes to your underwear, pulling them down with one hand as you wiggle your hips and pull his sweatpants down, over his ass and he takes them the rest of the way with his hand as you wiggle your panties off your legs.

He’s about to climb back up your body but instead sits back on his legs and yanks his shirt over his head. You’re about to do the same but instead, he just grabs your wrists and pins them above your head, instantly letting go once his lips are on yours again. He pulls away for a moment to breathe and mutters “No time. Need you.” against your lips before diving in again. His need for you has only doubled every minute he’s with you, overtaking all his thoughts aside from getting his dick inside your addictive pussy.

His hand is lining himself up with your entrance and pushing in without a second thought. You gasp painfully at the stretch and your hands dig into his biceps. “Miguel—!” Your words cut off with a shaky moan, half in pleasure and half in pain. He whines and ducks into your neck, “Sorry. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, amor. I- wasn’t thinking. I’m-” He’s panting shakily into your neck and his muscles are tense, almost shaking in your hands. You’re able to peek at where his face is resting at the base of your neck and you can see his brows pulled as tight as his shut eyes.

You fight the smile that spreads over your face but it breaks through and he can somehow feel it. “Stop laughing at me.” He grunts into your neck and you giggle, hurting the both of you as your pussy squeezes on his cock. It doesn’t burn as much, growing wetter with how Miguel’s trying to hold back his whimpers against your neck. Your hips tilt up to him, sucking in the last bit of his cock and getting a tortured moan from Miguel. “Please don't.” His words are shaky as they fall from his lips.

You smile and a hand comes to the back of his head, he leans into it like a cat. “I’m ready, baby.” You use the most alluring voice you can muster and feel his body twitch over yours before he starts thrusting into you slowly. It’s incredible, his dick stretching you so wide your entire pussy is a livewire, no matter where he’s touching you it sends a shock through your entire body. You feel like you can feel the veins of his cock sliding against your walls as he thrusts into you at a shockingly slow pace. He’s holding back for you, a bit traumatized by hurting you while lost in his desperation.

You’re soaking him, coating him in your slick, and creating a lewd sound when his cock sinks into you. “M-miguel.” Your whine pulls his head out of your neck and his eyes are frantically searching your face, worried that he hurt you again. You give him a soft knowing look before biting your lip shyly. “You can go f-faster.” You pulse around him uncontrollably as you speak, your entire body desperate for him. His hips stutter against you, like his body is jumping at the opportunity but his mind is still unsure. You can see it in his eyes, he gives you a gentle, ‘Are you sure’ kind of questioning look. You kiss his lips so softly he’s not sure if he imagined your lips touching his or not, before nodding at him as you pull away.

He breathes out something like a sigh of relief before plunging into you, thrusting so hard and deep that his hips create a slapping sound against yours and you can feel his cock bump into your cervix. Your legs raise to his hips, wrapping around him to hold him deep in place. You’re letting shocked moans spill from your lips as he begins to fuck into you, short, strong thrusts that force painful whimpers out of your chest.

Your eyes are shut tight, trying to handle the arousal of his pace before exposing yourself to the arousal of seeing the look on his face. You take the best deep breaths you can in your condition and open your eyes only to be met with his adam’s apple. His head is directly above yours but instead of looking at you, he seems to be focused on the bedframe. You assume it’s a stalling or distraction tactic and say nothing. You’re pretty content with the sight; his neck flexing and adam’s apple bobbing as he tries to hold his moans in.

You’re tempted to suck pretty marks into his skin, leaving him red, purple, and sore. You want to see him pull at his collar the next morning because his neck is too sensitive for the fabric rubbing against his skin. You want to make him so sensitive that you can just run your fingers over his neck and he’s fattening inside his pants. You want it so bad… but he doesn’t so you calm yourself. You whimper as you lean up into his neck. He gasps, shocked when your lips press into the hot skin of his neck, and lets out a broken whimper when all you do is press a slow kiss to it. “Can you— please.” You assume he was going to tell you to stop because he thought you were going to suck. So you keep going.

His whimpers grow more frequent and frustrated the longer you press kisses onto his neck until he finally pulls back. He cups your jaw with one hand, pulls you away from his neck, and looks down at you. “Why aren’t you-” His hips grind into you slower than before, relishing the way he feels when he’s deep inside you before pulling back out. “You’re not—?” He breathes out a shaky and frustrated sigh. “You don’t want to?” He sounds pained, and offended now. Your hips stop flexing into his although his hips keep grinding into yours. His eyes are penetrating deep into yours like he’s searching for an answer but you don't even know the question. You rest a hand on his hips, attempting to slow them but he lets out a soft noise of protest instead.

“What is it, Miggy?” His thrusts stutter and he almost collapses on you. “I like it.” His eyes close and his hips slow further, and this slower pace is somehow worse. He’s dragging against your walls, teasing every nerve he touches. “I like this too, baby? Are you okay?” He groans and blankets you in his weight, dropping his body to yours. You can feel his heart racing in his chest, beating hard into his ribcage and his head is buried in your neck, shaking from side to side. “No.” You don’t like his vagueness, it’s worrying. You push at his shoulder gently. “Flip us over, Miguel.”

He does so without question but regrets it once you pull off his cock. He’s gasping and reaching for you the moment he feels the cold air on his dick but you’re already out of reach. “I’m gonna get back on, don’t worry. I want you to sit up for me, sweetheart.” His heart skips a beat from having your favorite nickname directed to him and complies. He sits up, his cock glistening and bobbing between his legs, red, and painfully hard for you.

You climb into his lap and love the way his entire body leans into you for a kiss as you sink onto him. You comb your fingers through his hair, hoping to soothe him as you kiss him slowly. Your current theory is that he’s a bit too worked up, too desperate to voice what he wants properly so you’re trying to fix it. You pull back and smile at his hooded eyes. “Can you talk to me, handsome?” His hips twitch up into you with a gasp at the petname before a low whine of frustration.

It’s his ego that’s getting in the way, that and a bit of embarrassment. He doesn’t want to outright admit that he’s been bluffing about the kisses, that he actually craves them day in and day out. He wants you to catch on but you’re just not. “I want more.” Upon meeting your blank stare Miguel hesitantly tilts his head to the ceiling, baring his neck for you, showing what he wants. “I want you to- They’ve all faded.” His voice breaks down to a whine, cracking on the last word and it’d break your heart if what he’s saying wasn't so erotic.

He knows you finally understand because you gush and twitch around him. He grunts at the added slick and grips your hips again while he grinds up into you. You watch his adam’s apple drop in a sigh of relief as he slides into the depths of you. Your mouth is on him before you can process how badly you want to bite into his skin. He moans and his hand is behind your head in an instant, holding you in place and gripping into your hair. His fingers tighten their hold once your tongue peaks out from your lips and licks over his skin so gently it almost tickles, then you suck, harshly and as hard as you can.

His eyes roll back and pleasure explodes in his stomach, stemming from your lips throughout his entire body. His hand on your hip tightens with the one in your air as he shakily thrusts upward, trying to fuck you while you mark him up, but you pull away. Your eyes are hazy and fixed on his next with shuddering breaths falling from your lips. “Is that okay? Don't- Don’t wanna cover you.” He can tell that's a lie by the way your eyelids and pussy flutter at the thought. He stays silent, waiting for you to look at him, to see how badly he wants this.

Your eyes meet his and you squeeze on his involuntarily, you’ve seen this look once before, in your own eyes when Miguel fucked you in front of a mirror. “You want more?” You ask, low and timid in case you’re misreading his desperation. Your worries are assuaged by the insistent, and guttural moan he lets out while nodding frantically at you. You don’t question him further, you just dive in.

You grip the back of his neck and pull him to you, latching your lips to his pulse point instantly. You let your soft lips part over his skin and suck. You can feel the vibrations under your lips as he moans out praises to you, his hips grinding into you languidly. His dick is currently an afterthought to the way your lips feel on his neck. You release him with a soft pop and kiss over the area a few times before moving to your next target. You’re hitting all his most sensitive spots, you have them memorized, stored in the back of your head for moments like this.

His mouth is open in a perpetual moan, going silent when you suck especially hard on a certain spot. You’re destroying him. He hasn’t realized how sensitive he’d gotten in all your neglect but every kiss feels like a lightning bolt through his soul. You’re affecting him in a way he never knew was possible. You’re like a madwoman on him, moaning and groaning into each lovebite, kissing over some while licking over others. He can feel that distinct pit of pleasure growing in his stomach but he ignores it, anything to keep you on him, kissing and biting him like this.

He thinks he’ll be able to hold on, to keep his orgasm at bay with the stimulation you’re giving him but you can already feel his muscles pulling in, tensing, and jumping as he tries to avoid the action. You lick a stripe up his marked-up neck before pulling away to bounce on him, giving his cock some stimulation for when he cums but he stops you. “You’re- Is that—?” His eyes are hazy and begging. “Can I have more?” You kiss him a bit roughly, biting and licking at his lips like you’re still giving hickeys. It’s making his head spin, he doesn’t know when the dynamic switched like this. Now he’s the one begging you, pleading with you to touch him in the way he likes. You’ve got him under your thumb, you control him and you never even asked for it. He just gave himself to you.

He’s right on the edge now. You’re bouncing in his lap gently, probably subconsciously, chasing your own pleasure with his body. You collapse onto his chest, your face on his collarbones and you bite. Not a hickey or a lovebite. You just straight up bite into him. And it has him cumming in seconds.

His shut tight, his lids pressed painfully shut as his hands press your body into his as best he can. He plants his feet into the mattress and fucks into you at a brutal pace. It’s out of order and shak, his hips stuttering with his orgasms and his entire body folding in with his heavy, impassioned moans. It’s enough to push you over.

You moan raggedly into his chest, hugging your arms around his neck as you whine against his skin. Your hips grind into him on their own accord, only adding more layers to the pleasure that’s surrounding your body. Miguel moans your name at the way you’re choking his cock and enticing his load to drown your pussy. He’s covering your insides with his seed as you lick over his bite, it’s half an apology but more because you know how it’ll affect him. His thighs tense and begin to shake before his legs give out, collapsing back to the bed and forcing him to succumb to your pace, a slow grind as you come down from your high.

He’s panting beneath and with you, trying to catch his breath from the assault of pleasure you just bombed him with. You’re feeling the same way, a bit bad for how his neck looks and you run a fingertip over a trail you left from the base of his throat to his adams apple. He shivers against you and kisses the top of your head before lifting your hips and letting his cock and cum slide out. He watches you drip into the bedsheets, and how you shiver with goosebumps as you leak.

He kisses you again, on the lips, and softly this time before getting up and heading to the bathroom.

He had planned to get a towel for you, to clean you up all nice a sensually but he catches his reflection in the mirror. You’ve wreaked havoc on his neck, he’s covered in so many bruises he almost looks like he’s got a blackout tattoo. It looks like you’ve painted a mural on his neck, just for him. His heart warms further at your bite mark. His favorite thing about it isn’t that it’ll last longer than the lovebites, no. He loves that he can tell it’s your teeth that we’re stuck into him. He loves that he’s been marked by you.

thank you so much for reading! If you enjoyed, here's the rest of my Kinktober Works and be sure to check out my Main Masterlist!!

[firemenenthusiast]

—“to love”

farleigh start x reader

summary: asking farleigh to let you go if loving you isn’t worth it

warnings: angst, hurt/comfort, swearing, fluff

a/n: i couldn’t decide between angst and fluff and i haven’t posted fluff for a while so yall getting BOTH. also sorry if this is kinda boring and cheesy and dramatic (me fr) 😞✌🏻

the sound of water drops drumming against the window fills your ear, tapping away at each droplets of the pouring rain, taking you away from the realisation that it’s been raining since the sun slipped off the horizon. it must be cold outside, you imagine, with the loud heavy rain and thunders.

must be the complete contrast of how warm it is inside, especially the room you and farleigh share in this mansion given that you always kept the temperature toasty. farleigh always fussed about it too, saying that it’s too warm for him and insisted that if you’re gonna keep it that way, he’s gonna have to be shirtless in the room. wiping away another stray tear rolling down your right cheek, your lips curl in a quiver as you shut your eyes.

it’s almost hysterical how even in a space that warm and cozy, having yourself all wrapped up in his blanket and sitting by the window, you still feel all alone. you don’t get it. you have all these people around you, well, all the people downstairs partying away because it’s felix’s early Christmas party yet you still feeling left behind.

farleigh’s downstairs too, you believe he’s doing all the things he usually does when he’s in the party mood. maybe by now he’s already had too much to drink for, or he’s plopped down against the couch and counting the stars dancing around at the ceiling.

normally you would be snuggling by his side, holding his firm arm close to your body so some of his warmth could radiate against your skin, but it’s been months since you and farleigh had that kind of time together. now, it’s just routine quick kisses on the top of your head, before he’s out again to catch a smoke by the courtyard and disappearing all day long, even with you in the house.

feeling all the pent up confusion, mellow and slight anger settling down, you can’t help the small hiccups escaping your lips as your shoulders jerk at every sob. you can hear the muffled music from downstairs, and sounds of people cheering for whatever reason you could easily guess at. they’re typical, you would say, but what’s not typical is the distance you feel with farleigh, and how his behaviour as of late makes you feel worthless, and that the spark you felt when you first started dating has gone into a mere strike.

you know you should’ve just told him how you’re feeling. you know you could’ve just said that you hate the way he doesn’t kiss you anymore. you miss the feeling of his lips against yours, his soft ones cradling your lips that is enough to make you melt into the moment because farleigh is such a good kisser. you know how they say to communicate, but you wish it was that fucking easy.

because you hate having to beg for affection. you hate having to tell someone to love you, you hate having to teach someone that you desperately love to no end, how to love you properly. if you were really worth it, you wouldn’t have to do all that, would you ? if farleigh really loved you like you love him, he wouldn’t make you feel like this, all disregarded and unimportant. truth is, you almost made yourself believe that the relationship is a dead end, and that he’s gonna break the news to you anytime now. what’s the point anyways ? it’s not like he cares, does he ? he certainly didn’t when he left you feeling the worst after getting back your test marks and it was so awful that you cried. all he said was, and you quote, “just a test” before leaving you to go tanning with felix when he knew you studied all night long for weeks. he knew, because he was there, watching you flip through your notes desperately.

as you sit looking out through the window, your eyes trailing the fragile looking droplets of rainfall down the pane, drinking in your sobs that were frantic a few moments ago. you’ve spent the past couple of months just smiling away and comforting yourself that maybe he was just tired, and that he wasn’t feeling like wrapping his arms around you when you needed him the most. yet deep down, you know that it wasn’t supposed to be like that. he shouldn’t get to pick and choose just whenever the fuck he feels like having a relationship.

at this point you’ve made yourself believe that farleigh only keeps you around for the sake of having a girlfriend. you don’t think he wants to be a boyfriend alongside of that, nor he cares that he’s made you feel worthless with the fact that he hasn’t kissed you on the lips for weeks now. not sure if he even realises that, having made himself busy with all the cigarette breaks and hanging out with the group. sometimes you think that he goes on all that cigarette breaks just to get away from you. it’s funny because it’s not like you couldn’t stand the smoke, if anything you don’t care if he does it around you at all, as long as you get to be with him.

leaning deeper into the farleigh-scented blanket, the fuzzy material hugs you nicely making you feel a little comforted. you could hear the knob turning before the creaking of the old hinge of the door screeches your ear. quickly wiping the tears almost dripping off your chin, you suck in a shaky breath, bumpy from the sobs and the huge lump in your throat.

“hey babe, i didn’t see you downstairs. how long have you been here ?”

of course he didn’t even realise that you were never downstairs. eventually you get sick of the annoying music and lingering smell of alcohol on everyone. you hated how reckless everyone would be, just bumping against each other that sometimes someone gets pushed to the ground. you know because last time it had happened to you, and farleigh was nowhere to be found. he was probably doing a line at the corner of the room with his other friends but hey, at least he’s not cheating right ?

blinking away your tears, you could feel your eyes are already puffy from how much you were crying. the sniffles caught his attention, halting his movements on taking off his santa hat as he settles it down on the nightstand before carefully walking towards you.

“hey— hey, what’s wrong ?”

the huge flat of his palm finds its way against your back, slowly caressing the skin through your sweatshirt as he struggles to meet your eyes.

“baby,, c’mon—look at me, hey”

his deep voice soft, but nothing’s new as farleigh had never raised his voice at you, or yelled at you. he was always so sweet when talking to you, so when he started becoming so distant, of course you’d feel it.

slowly pulling your body into his embrace, his arms wrapping around your shoulder as you lean your head against his chest. the warmth radiating off his skin spreads across your body as the both of you just sit there, sheltering against each other’s body, seeking comfort and reassurance.

“what’s wrong ?” he’d ask for the second time, holding your jaw in his hands with his fingers cupped along your cheeks. his thumb caresses the soft skin of your tear stained cheeks before looking deep into your eyes, his beautiful brown hues piercing into your orbs.

you’re still silent, knowing that if you were to tell him all the doubts in your heart that you have of him, you’d just burst into tears again. instead, you just give him your biggest smile, praying that it doesn’t look so forced and that you’re about to cry again in his arms.

farleigh can’t help his own smile at seeing your cute face squished into his large hands, though it pains him seeing you like this. it physically pains him looking at you so broken, the puffiness of your eyes tells him that you’ve been crying a lot, yet he knows nothing of it, or the reason why. when he asks you again, coaxing an answer from you, you’d just shake your head.

“you know you can tell me anything, you’re my girlfriend” he coaxes, smoothing his palms down your hair, cradling your whole head in his hands

hearing the title he just called you jerks a new stream of tears down your cheeks almost immediately, as you shut your eyes and softly sob into his hands. seeing your reaction worries him, making him desperately pull you closer into his arms, trying to shield you from anything that may be fear in your eyes, and just protect you from being hurt, ever.

“just say it, farleigh” you manage to sob out, quirking his eyebrows into visible confusion.

“say ? say what ?” pulling away slightly to look at your face, your eyes busy counting the stray threads poking out the blanket

“— that you don’t love me anymore” letting out the words softly, you realise that you sounded so insecure and it’s just going to make him mad. but you know what you’ve been feeling, and it’s not you being insecure.

farleigh couldn’t believe the words coming out of your mouth as they leave him speechless. slowly pulling his arms away from you, he looks at you to try to find an explanation.

“what the fu— what are you talking about ?” it was ridiculous, what you just said. he hopes that there’s a better explanation for it seeing that your lips are quivering and you’re looking at him with knitted brows.

“all the cigarette breaks, leaving me in the middle of the night to go sleep on the couch, hanging out with felix all the time when im literally right in front of you, do you think im stupid—?“

“what— he’s my cousin !” he retaliates, thick eyebrows furrowed at your reasoning, thinking that it’s the most ridiculous thing he’s ever heard.

“and im your girlfriend, farleigh. i don’t even wanna talk about how i was never downstairs tonight and you didn’t care enough to even realise !”

“you’re being absurd, there was a shitload of people” he’s leaning back against his heels, moving further from you as he looks at you in disbelief.

“i guess you don’t even care that we haven’t kissed in weeks”

your last words leaves him dumbfounded, having realised that he hasn’t felt the soft lips he’s so obsessed with on his for weeks now. it started for a couple of days when he was busy and overall just dealing with his own mental issues but only now had he realised that it’s been weeks. taking a few steps back, he’s now fully on his feet, with his arms crossed before moving a hand to rest on his jaw.

“you don’t have to love me if you don’t want to, farleigh” you mutter out softly, the volume only enough to register in his ears

you hear him scoff at the words as you turn to look at him, pacing around at the edge of the bed before snapping his head towards you

“i can’t believe this” you hear him mutter under his breath before tilting his head towards you

“you know, i try— sooo fucking hard to love you-“ he cocks his head to the side, eyes squinting in your direction. if you want to argue on the love in this relationship, he’s been meaning to fight back.

“i care so deeply about you, i pushed away my own issues, i struggle with my own being, those voices in my head—“ you’re looking at him, your whole body tense as you blink away the tears clinging onto your lashes

“all just so i can be with you, all so i can keep you safe with me, even if it means that im fucked up in the head—“

“farleigh—“

“i don’t know how do you want me to love you, because the only love i’ve ever felt was from my mom. even that they take away from me—“

“so i try, so fucking hard to love you, as best as i could. so for you to imply that it’s not enough—“ he scoffs once again, a pained laugh threatens to blow out of his mouth. looking up at him, his face contorts in what you could make out to be disappointment. or even disgust, with the way his lips bend into a frown. scanning your eyes across his sharp features, you wished you could take it all back so you wouldn’t have to see him looking at you like that. it isn’t hatred, or is it ? but you’d imagine how you’re pushing him through his limits.

“— that’s just fucking selfish. i don’t know what else do you want from me”

just as you’re about to open your mouth to say something, a loud thunder booms through the clouds, tearing the peace from the whole estate. the eardrums shattering sound horrifies the fear you have of thunder that you can’t help the scream piercing out of your mouth. you’re clutching tight at the material of the blanket, your head throbbing from the loud noise of the following rumbles from outside, the flashing of lightning accompanying the thunder that almost rips your heart of your chest, if it wasn’t already being ripped out by your cries.

immediately as he sees the flashing light before the thunder, like a natural reflex farleigh practically throws himself over to quickly wrap his arms around you and pull you into him. he knows how bad thunder fucks with your nerves and how much you hated being alone when there’s thunders outside. rubbing his hand against your arms, smoothing over your sweater, you hear him hush softly on top of your head as he pulls you closer to his chest by the side of your head.

he rests his chin against your hair while he gazes through the window. amidst all the chaos of the loud booming noises and car alarms going off outside, you found yourself fisting at his knitted sweater, clutching your fingers, in an attempt to be as close to him as possible, to feel safe. after all farleigh’s still your safe place. it’s not like you ever want to seek home in anybody else.

“im sorry” just as you hear him say these words you softly push him away to tilt your head towards his face. all those things he said, makes you feel like a shitty person. maybe you’re the one who didn’t care enough to see what he’s going through. maybe he’s right, you are selfish.

“why, um-“ you begin with a coarse voice, the lump in your throat still clinging onto the walls before you clear it

“why didn’t you say anything ?—“ moving your head to follow his eyes, the glossy brown pair struggling to look into yours.

“—do i not listen to you ever, farleigh ?” you struggle to find the right question for him, having no understanding for why he feels like he couldn’t say anything and instead, just left you hanging all these while.

he’s silent, eyebrows knitted as he looks up at you with a tear rolling down his cheek. the corners of his eyes red, he’s been struggling not to cry since you brought up the issue.

a shallow regret claws at the walls of your insides when you look at him, with tears down his pretty face. moving to sit on your heels, you peel the blanket off your shoulders to pull him into the warmth, both of you sitting underneath the fuzzy material

“im sorry“ the only same words he manages to let out, again

“farleigh i should’ve-“ just as you open your mouth he cuts you off

“no—”

“—im sorry that you feel like i don’t love you anymore” it’s only when he says this does he look into your eyes, his hands moving over your face to move the strands covering your eyes away.

“because i love you, so fucking much—“ farleigh inches over, hovering his forehead over yours that the tip of your noses bump into each other. you can feel his hot breath fanning against your skin, as he smooths his thumbs over your jaw, catching the stray tear falling over your waterline.

“all those stuff you said,, fuck i didn’t know it was fucked up—“

“im sorry i made you feel like that. i didn’t wanna drag you along with me. i didn’t wanna make you feel unsafe” his words pain you, knowing that he kept everything that was wrong to himself. somehow it angers you, the fact that he feels like he couldn’t come to you. does he think that you were gonna leave him if he did ?

“you know you can tell me anything, farleigh—“

“i know, i just,,” as he searches for words, a hiccup makes his shoulders jerk.

“i was afraid that-“ trailing his words off his lips, he tilts his head to suck in a deep breath, his shoulders shaky as you search into his tear stained face. you offer him the softest look you could give, letting him know that if you’re gonna be here until the sun comes up just talking, so be it.

“i didn’t want you to leave— i thought,, i thought if i ever said anything, you’d think im weak” his lips quiver as he utter the last of his words before a single tear spills over down his cheek. his hand reaches up to wipe over his nose, his slender fingers almost covering the entirety of his face.

you know how bad farleigh struggles with the way the cattons treat him, and how they always disregard it all if he even dare to bring it up. everyone seems to think they’re this untouchable perfectly wealthy family but you know how small farleigh feels sitting among them. if anyone spends as much time around them and farleigh, they’d also see how they’re treating him like an outsider while desperately trying to make him feel like family. but you didn’t know it was getting to him this badly. you didn’t know it fucks with him to the point that ut gets this bad. you could just imagine how hard he tried to conceal his own insecurities while having you around, trying to make you believe that everything was fine.

“i thought if i just kept quiet you wouldn’t notice” farleigh pushed his words out from the strings of sobs restraining him to speak as he finally breaks down from all the blocks of boulder that keeps being dropped on him, weighing him down

“im sorry—” now it’s your turn to say these two words to him, pulling him down towards you into a hug, your fingers sprawled out across his back, letting him rest his head in the crook of your neck as he cries.

“—im sorry that im too selfish to notice” you cant help but sob out into his shoulder, your hands pulling at the fabric on his back. he’s crummed up into you, as the both of you just sat there by the window, listening to the sounds of water droplets tapping at the glass.

as he pulls away, he moves so he could look into your eyes, your fingers cupping his jaw as it’s your turn to wipe his cheeks with your thumbs. trailing your eyes over each of his features, taking in every details on his face, from his long lashes to his tiny freckles. closing in the mere inches in between you, you place your lips against his delicately, kissing at his bottom lips. farleigh closes his eyes as he returns the kiss, soft and gentle, as you slowly move in a rhythm. it’s been so long since he last kissed you, and he’d only realise how much he misses sharing your warmths in a kiss, how much he misses just kissing away all the doubts you have deep within.

when you slowly pull away you feel his hands gripping on your waist as he moves forward to catch your lips again, into another kiss. he feels like it wasn’t enough for him, he wanted to stay like this forever if he could. caressing his jaw, you lean back into the kiss as you hear him hum and continue to move his lips against yours as if he never stopped kissing you since your first kiss.

pushing him away by his chest, you had to take a breath as soft giggles leave your lips looking at his swollen ones. both from crying, and also kissing you like he hasn’t for years. he can’t help but let out a few chuckles too, your pained smile radiates warmth off his heart, melting it all over again.

“teach me how to love you properly” he starts, pulling at the blanket to peel it off of him and placing it around you again.

knowing that farleigh barely ever felt love from his own family, let alone be shown how it actually is to be loved, it’s only logical that the things he did for you, and the love he showed you, was the only thing he knew of love. and to compare to the scraps he receives in this house, the love that farleigh has ever showed you was everything in this world for him, and probably beyond the kind of love he could ever imagined.

“i will”

you promise, as you’re willing to fix this over and over again knowing that you’d also be fixing him, who’s been broken since the day he was born. if anyone else leaves when the only thing he seeks for is love, let you be his shelter.

taglist: @flipsconhelado @r4vn @love-me-pls @radioloom @farleighlover @imjustheretoreadsmuthaha @luckystrikerealness @juniperhasfallen @themoonchildwhofell @khxna @inglourious-imagines @aracade

[elliesflower]

loser!!!!!bff!!!!ellie!!!!!!!! hc's

i’m just jumping on the loser!ellie train bc i actually love it and i feel like she’s such a loser despite her commitment issues like…she wants to believe in love so bad, SO BAD that she is actually a hopeless romantic deep down she literally can’t help it but it’s trapped under her awkward funny girl exterior. she's so me fr 😵‍💫

all these are sfw except for a lil sum special for you FREAKS at the end teehee so as with all my content, please 18+ only, mdni!!!

cw; afab!reader, smut (at the end)

♡ all her doodles of cat and dina hello??? she’d have a whole fucking journal dedicated to just drawings of you, every time you hang out she’d be discreetly letting her eyes linger on your face so that she can sketch you out later. and she’d smile while sketching you i know she would, her cheeks would get all red and maybe she’d even giggle she wants you so bad!!! 

♡ she’d be on patrol and see a beautiful yellow flower and immediately think of you, she has to pick it for her best friend, she HAS to!! she’d lose her balance on her damn horse trying to protect it from getting damaged while she rode back into town, but it’s worth it to see the smile on your pretty face 

♡ i feel like she'd follow you around. in any context. patrol? she's slightly behind your horse to keep an eye on you. walking around jackson? she's literally always right behind your left shoulder, letting you lead the way. party at dina's? she's practically glued to you the whole night, and when the liquor would hit she was a little handsy, pathetically looping a finger through your belt loop as she followed you to the bathroom, moving your hair out of your face when you'd talk to her, etc.. and of course the next day she'd get so sick when she recalled her behavior, feeling shameful and wondering if you were catching on (ofc you were).

♡ and she’d dream about you all the time oh my gosh! esp after hanging out with you all day she wouldn’t be able to get you out of her head when she gets home. maybe she’ll definitely even write your name with a little heart next to it in her journal when she’s recalling the day. her subconscious would manifest the way that you looked trying to play her guitar into her dreams that night

♡ speaking of guitar, she’d 10000% write songs for you. she wouldn’t tell you they’re for you, of course, she’d just play the most beautiful love song you’ve ever heard and play it off like it was nothing. but when she gets home she’d probably cry because she was too scared to make a move on you :( 

♡ i also mentioned this in a previous post but this bitch would love frank ocean, so i can see her falling asleep listening to thinkin bout you and crying bout you :( or imagine in a modern world her sketching in her journal while listening to ivy before she starts to cry because she's so frustrated by her own awkwardness, and the fact she can't ever seem to tell you how she feels :((((

♡ if you ever got into another relationship would be beating herself up over it, like why didn't she make a move sooner? and she wouldn't be able to help herself, she'd get extra moody whenever your partner was around, distant and clearly irritated. poor baby is just so bad at expressing her feelings that whenever you'd ask her about it she'd just throw it under the rug and say she's on her period or something

♡ but when you and your partner inevitably broke up, of course she was right there to be your shoulder to cry on. you'd show up at her house sobbing in the middle of the night, and i think it would take her aback, honestly, how she felt her own tears falling as she embraced you on her doorstep. she would be so emotionally connected to you, your tears were hers, and she wanted nothing more than to make you feel better. she'd throw out an empty threat to your ex, and it'd make you smile. she loves to see you smile, gosh she'd do anything to make you happy, she just loves you so much!

♡ she wouldn't. stop. with the fucking. dad jokes. she'd be insatiable, truly, like...you were starting to wonder if she was getting off on telling them to you or something. but really, she just wanted to make you feel better, any little thing she could do to make you laugh would make her feel like she did good enough for the day

♡ and you'd start to see her romantically after a while, how could you not? and why didn't you sooner? she'd be so easily flustered though, every time your hand would linger on her shoulder, or whenever you'd squeeze her even tighter as you watched a horror movie...her heart would start beating all fast and her cheeks would get so rosy. maybe her pussy would even throb when she noticed you bending over extra slowly while getting dressed one day. and of course you were doing it for her

♡ she wouldn't be able to contain herself when you kiss her for the first time. and of course you made the first move, you think a loser like ellie would ever kiss you first? she'd been so desperate for you for so long i really think she might whine into your mouth. she's a whimperer, really, she'd probably gasp when you shove your hand down the front of her pants and get your fingers moving over her clit,

"oh! oh m'god," she'd be pathetic, her jaw clenching as she whined into your shoulder while your fingers slid between her wet folds with ease. she'd cum so fucking fast you'd barely have time to blink, repeating your name over and over like a prayer as she made a mess of your hand. you've never seen her like this, lust clouding her inhibition and making her so desperate it was like she was brainless, grabbing your wrist and bringing your slick-covered fingers to her mouth to suck them clean.

"i gotta taste you," she'd whine, and she'd make sure you were comfortable on the bed before spreading your legs and eating you out like she was a woman possessed, literally drunk on the taste of your pussy.

"taste so fucking good," between kitten licks to your clit, did she even know what she was saying? "i love you, i fucking love you," of course she was confessing her love for you now, when she had her nose buried in your cunt, intoxicated by the sound of your moans and the feeling of your skin being indented by her fingertips.

she may be a loser, but she'd be your loser.

[imaginesig]

“I had the best day with you today”

Based on: “I was enchanted to meet you”

Kimi Antonelli x Norris!Reader

SMAU

Could be read as a stand alone, very short

After dedicating Enchanted to their relationship, who would’ve thought Kimi and Y/n would get to see it live

yn_norris

Liked by carmenmmundt, user71, landonorris, and 917,828 others

yn_norris: “I cry a lot but I am so productive”

tagged: no one

Kimi.antonelli it’s genuinely concerning watching you stress over bracelets and a bodysuit

oscarpiastri im right there with you mate

Yn_norris eras tour prep is not for the week‼️

lilyzniemer especially when you’re making your own stuff

user1 the nods to Midnights/Vigilante shit 🧐 Ms. Norris I think I know your outfit

Carmenmmundt I’m so excited!!

lilymhe we’re gonna have a blast in T-3 days!!

alexandrasaintmleux were all packed up and ready 🫶🫶

user2 all the wags are gonna show up and slay while the men will prod wear some boring ass clothes

yn_norris you best believe Kimi’s gonna slay, I made him a fit so he can’t embarrass me

user2 lmao Y/n

user3 this is so aesthetic i could cry

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Kimi.antonelli posted 2 stories!

Captions: 1) ive been roped into bracelet making 2) did I do good?

Replies:

yn_norris

you did so good

Whoever you trade that to will be so lucky

I need to do more

get to it then

Oscarpiastri

Lily hasn’t gotten to me yet

If she does idk what I’ll even make

Best of luck avoiding it solider

Olliebearman

I wanna join

Don’t worry she’s bringing the materials with us so you can make some at the hotel

yn_norris posted a story!

Caption: I’ve arrived 🫶✨🪩

Kimi.antonelli

liked by user1, taylorswift, Olliebearman, and 817,828 others

Kimi.antonelli: “I was enchanted to meet you” 💜

tagged: yn_norris, Taylorswift

yn_norris I love you 💜🫶

Kimi.antonelli I love you too 💜🫶

user1 THEY WERE AT MY SHOW

user2 ugh i need a concert bf

carlossainz55 @/landonorris after tonight I cannot do the overprotective uncle role anymore, they’re too cute

landonorris MATE WHAT

Kimi.antonelli finally a win

carlossainz55 but hurt her even a little…

Kimi.antonelli I understand

Taylorswift THE Enchanted couple

Kimi.antonelli what a compliment

yn_norris I’ve fallen to the floor and started violently sobbing

Landonorris L

user3 did you trade your bracelet??

user4 the fact that this whole post is centered around Y/n 🥹🥰

user5 drivers (+ their so) really brought the best energy

User6 do you think Travis felt more at ease bc he wasn’t surrounded by other celebrities but rather other male athletes?

user7 I wanna know if him and Logan talked American football

Load more

Yn_norris

Liked by taylorswift, Lilymhe, landonorris, and 182,928 others

Yn_norris: “I had the best day with you today” 💛

tagged: Kimi.antonelli, lilyzniemer, carmenmmundt, lilymhe, alexandrasaintmleux

Kimi.antonelli you looked so beautiful in the concert lights 💛

yn_norris ditto 💛

user2 LMAO THEIR OUTFITS

user1 the fact Kimi and Y/n matched the hearts to the lyrics album for both posts makes me sick

lilymhe it was so fun!!

carmenmmdunt gorgeous

lilyzniemer you win best couple costume!!

landonorris after seeing Vigilante Shit I have decided that your outfits are way to inappropriate and therefore I hate them

yn_norris too late 😚

taylorswift best outfits! Best energy! Best fan! Y/n I love you 🫶🪩

yn_norris you’re the best everything!! I love you too 🫶🪩

yn_norris HOLY SHIT SHE FOLLOWED ME AHHHHHHH

user3 she’s just like me fr

ussr4 her bracelet collection 😭😭

user5 people have said she wore them the whole time

Yn_norris well what was I supposed to do? Not show off all of my new besties and their hard work??

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[mazeofyeni]

❛ FANTUBE.COM ! ─── now playing . . .

ⓘ EVERYONE LOVES BAE YOONCHAE

↺ |◁ II ▷| ♡ | INTRO. welcome to my compilation of yoonchae being loved by the other nct units and other people because who does love her 💜✨

𓈃⠀⠀🎞️ ๋ ㅤCLIP ONE⠀⠀峠

*if you’re not a nct 127 member then you aren’t a real yoonchae lover* – circa 2022

*johnny and jaehyun visiting her on set of her mv*

*they have mask on so she doesn’t notice them* “she’s filming right now look at her” *jaehyun with the mom stance is killing me* “is that dress not too short , i hope she’s comfortable.” *the real parental figure of yoonchae💯* “she doesn’t see us yet” *after she’s done* “oh she’s done we can go see her now.” *yoonchae doesn’t notice them* *notices them but thinks they’re staff* “yah , why are you walking away?” *yoonchae confused* *notices who it is* “oh , oppa!” *look how her eyes light up* *notices johnny* “oh shi- yah , why are you about to curse?” *she looks so happy* “when did you both get here?” “we missed you so we came to see you while you filmed” *they missed her im 😭* *literally showing them everything* “have you eaten?” *mother jaehyun back at it* “later” “call me later and i’ll treat you.” *still salty she could see jaehyun off but at least we got one last jaechae date before he left*

𓈃⠀⠀🎞️ ๋ ㅤCLIP TWO⠀⠀峠

*when yoonchae interviewed jennie* - circa 2024

*yoonchae staff not telling her who’s she’s interviewing* “who is it?” “tell me!” *look how cute she is🥹* *knock on the door* “is it that them?” *hands her a blindfold* “what is this for?” *gets help putting the blindfold on* “oh my god this is so scary JUST TELL ME!” *jennie walks in* “okay you can take it off.” “if it’s like my family or my members im quitting the show.” *takes blindfold off* *doesnt notice jennie* *notices jennie* “oh fuck!” *hides behind a chair* “hi!” *jennie is so cute😭* “why did you guys do this , im wearing sweatpants” *jennie trying to hug her* “no you’re too cute” *yoonchae is about to start sobbing* *yoonchae successful fangirl* “let’s sit down” *trying to stay calm* “I’ve been wanting to meet you” *cut to jennie playing her songs* “oh my god me you know me?” *like yoonchae you’re famous too😭😭* “of course who doesn’t love this show and you?”

*jennie is so real 💯*

𓈃⠀⠀🎞️ ๋ ㅤCLIP THREE⠀⠀峠

* even random children on the street love yoonchae * – circa 2023

*a clip of yoonchaes vlog in la alone* “im sitting in a park alone in the grass and eating strawberries.” *living her cottage girl life* *the toddler notices her* *she smiles* “there’s a very cute baby here and they’re watching me” *the baby walking towards her* “oh they’re coming over here” *waving awkwardly* “hi baby” *gives the child a handshake* *child gives her a full blown hug* “oh my goddess, you’re so cute” “bye baby” *child waves before walking back to her parents* “oh my god a child likes me I’ve been blessed by the angels aboved”

𓈃⠀⠀🎞️ ๋ ㅤCLIP FOUR⠀⠀峠

* idols talking about yoonchae* – mix reactions

*yoonchae performing with nct dream* *aespas karina* *karina leans over to giselle* *mouthing* “why is she so cute?” *giselle noticing the camera* *karina covering her mouth , both of them laughing*

*hyunjin stray kids* *talking about his collab stage with her* “she was so nice to everyone , she bought everyone food after” “i would definitely like to collab with her agains , she’s really talented.” *yoonchae and hyunjins never ending friendship is so cute*

*red velvet seulgi and her love for yoonchae* “yoonchae is watching?” *her little smile oh no😭🩷* “chae chae, chae chae where are you?” “chae chae when can you come over” *yoonchae comments: tomorrow unnie* *seulgi gets excited* “it’s been so long come over and i’ll cook for you” *yoonchaes big sister fr😭* “i love her so much , chae chae i love you”

𓈃⠀⠀🎞️ ๋ ㅤCLIP FIVE⠀⠀峠

*yoonchae being a honorary member of wayv* – circa 2020

*behind the scenes of the nct2020* *where tens love for yoonchae started and he adopted her* “yoonchae my child come” *yoonchae being adopted by a member of every unit in nct* “where is yoonchae?” *yoonderys first on camera interaction!!* “czennies i told you we knew each other , they didn’t believe me , i told them im gonna be a wayv member and they called me delusional.” *throwback to yoonchae telling the public she’s learning chinese from yang yang so she can join wayv* “she’s our honorary member” “yeah we love yoonchae” *yangyang saying this now means something different😭*

*bonus clip* *after yoonchae walks away , yangyang follows behind her* *hendery notices* “yangyang and yoonchae are close” *ten doing damage control* “yeah they’re good friends” *now that we know the real story this did not help🤔*

↺ |◁ II ▷| ♡ | OUTRO. it’s good to know she’s always protected and loved by people … but nobody can compare to love og yoonchae lovers … nct dream ( but that’s for the next video )

「 yoonchaes' masterlist 𖹭 」

©️MAZEOFYENI

[untoldstar]

Your writing is addictiveeeee. Can u do ur ocs reaction to being cheated on by reader? Im so down bad for jesse 😫 hes just a lil guy who wants to be loved! Sue me!

The yanderes reaction to you cheating on them

Thank you smmm🫶 but fr I’m down bad for Jesse as well even tho he’s a lil psycho🫠

I can make a part two for the rest of the oc’s if anyone’s interested I just usually go for these oc’s because they’re the most popular and seem like a common favorite.

warnings: obsessive behavior, stalking, yandere themes, murder, stealing appearance and changing appearance (not reader), nsfw content, imprisonment, keeping reader locked up.

find out more about these characters here.

Ava (yandere best friend)

She’d go off the rails. She’ll cry and sob her heart out. she won’t talk to anyone except for you. Her phone is filled with missed calls and worried messages from her family and friends. Everyone gets so worried they start showing up at her apartment door but she’s too busy crying into her pillow waiting for your call or to hear your sweet voice outside her door.

She’d take you back in a heartbeat. Just please please don’t leave her.

Even if you already moved on and decided to be with your partner she’s still stuck on you and obsessing over how to get you back.

She’d go over every detail of the physical traits of the bitch you cheated on her with and tries to match it. What did you even see in them? they’re nothing compared to her!

Doesn’t matter. She’ll do whatever it takes. She’ll go as far as dying her hair, getting new piercings if they had any, changing her makeup, changing her entire wardrobe.

You’re absolutely mortified when she shows up at your doorstep looking like your partners lost twin.

Theo (yandere boss)

All his past paranoia will come right up to the surface. He’s always wanted to lock you up so no one would look at you so. No one would breathe your air. He didn’t want anyone to have the pleasure of even looking at you.

And you’ve finally given him a reason.

He has you cooped up in his mansion with no way of getting out. You’re always watched and monitored. Most of the week he’s working from home to be around you. Clothing you, feeding you, bathing you. He won’t let you out of your sight for a single second.

And every time you ask about your partner he’d smile softly and tell you to not worry about them. They don’t mean anything to you anymore.

Because they’re not here anymore.

Warner (rich yandere)

He can never be angry with you. No never~

But he will give you the punishment you deserve.

And he has certain methods for punishment like having you tied up to his bed and leaving you all alone in a dark lonely room with a vibrator strapped to your cunt.

You’re not truly alone of course, he’s always watching you with the cameras he set up.

Howw else is he supposed to stop the vibrator right when you’re about to cum?

Other than making you struggle for his forgiveness he also has to keep you busy while he gets rid of your little problem. He’s hurt people for you before and certainly has killed them but he’s never gotten to this level of cold blooded torture.

He spills their blood while in a trance like state, he’s absolutely drenched in their blood and the scene is gruesome enough to have his body guards who have seen many similar things while working with him not withstand this particular scene.

But you won’t know any of it, you don’t have to. They’re a distant memory by the time he’s back home in brand new clothes and looking as sharp as ever. Some of that rage is still simmering under that cool exterior though so he’s not quite finished with you yet.

Yandere bully

You’re not even in a relationship the guy tortures you on a daily basis! but he saw you get all blushy and smiling while another guy was teasing you in the hallway.

You never blush when he messes you what the fuck is that about?

That’s as good as cheating in his delusional mind.

He starts clinging to you everyday even more than before. Scowling and glaring at any guy who passes you by like a guard dog. You’re too focused on his asshole behavior to notice that you haven’t even seen the guy since.

You’ve heard students around you murmuring about a student who’s been in such a bad accident that he can’t even walk anymore. So many broken bones, swollen flesh, he might have even gotten a brain injury. Poor thing can’t even come to school anymore.

You never made the dots…

bonus! Yandere tentacle monster

Nom.

Let’s not forget this guy is an actual monster the second that guy gets on top of you on the bed he has already devoured him.

He walks toward you with an icy expression while wiping the blood off his mouth not paying any mind to your mortified expressions.

“You could’ve of at least brought a proper meal pet. That tasted absolutely terrible. I’d much rather eat you instead~”

the person reader cheated with knowing they’re absolutely fucked no matter who the oc is:

[p34ce0fm1nd]

modern cattonquick hcs

- felix is obsessed with the looksmaxing, mogging, and mewing trend.

- felix: *just passed someone* i mogged him

oliver: what?

- oliver is chronically offline yet the stalker friend. trying to find a boy but only have his picture? oliver will find his birth certificate

- felix is on that sigma male trend. he sees tyler durden and patrick batemen and goes “he just like me fr”

- felix loves chief keef. play “love sosa” and that man will lose it

- oliver likes to go wondering in the woods at night. it makes him feel like a little spirit

- felix dedicated “trap queen” by fetty wap to oliver. he plays it every time they’re in the car together

- oliver had a huge creepypasta phase when he was 13-15.

- felix is insta famous and his audience loves oliver. felix would post a photo of them together and all the comments would be “ollie 🫶🏽” “OLIVER!!” “omg oliver ❤️❤️” “babygirl ollie 💞” (felix gets jealous)

- felix makes a post saying oliver is HIS best friend and not theirs (everyone starts jumping him in the comments)

- felix is a nic FIEND. bro will tear up a couch looking for his vape (it was in his pocket the whole time)

- oliver sneaks up on people (not on purpose). he walks without making any sound. he can’t tell you how many times he’s accidentally scared felix while the man was playing video games

- oliver is a horror movie buff. he will make felix sit through every movie he watches

- one time oliver took an edible (from felix) and greened out so bad, felix had to take care of him the rest of the night. oliver was so gone he couldn’t undo his pants himself. at one point felix lost oliver and then found him sobbing in a bush outside

- felix constantly brings up oliver greening out just to embarrass him

- one time felix and oliver showed up high to a lecture, giggling in the back of the class while eating snacks

- felix likes to play slenderman while drunk. bro starts tweaking 2 minutes into the game. oliver constantly goes “that isn’t accurate” while felix is playing

[guilty-cheese]

Zosan HCs

Fluff

- When Sanji is cooking Zoro likes to wrap his arms around Sanji’s waist and rest his head on his shoulder and gently falls asleep. His body moves with Sanji as Sanji makes his way around the galley. “Oi Marimo, you’re dragging me down.” Zoro just mumbles in response and snuggles closer to Sanji’s neck. Sanji then smiles and ruffles his hair.

- Zoro definitely loves Sanji’s slutty little waist (me too fr). Before they started dating Zoro was definitely intrigued by how small Sanji’s waist was. Anytime Zoro got a glimpse of it, his eyes would trail after it. Even during shower time, Zoro’s eyes would linger for a bit too long making Sanji land a kick to his head. When they officially started dating Zoro took every chance he could to wrap his hands around Sanji’s waist. (They fit perfectly around it).

- When they’re sleeping, before Sanji leaves to get breakfast started, Zoro will wake up a bit earlier to gently brush away Sanji’s hair and see both of those swirly eyebrows he loves. He’ll proceed to kiss his forehead and whisper how beautiful he is. Sometimes Sanji will wake up and see Zoro’s loving gaze on his, he’ll get flustered a bit, but Zoro loves it. They’ll share a short kiss and then Sanji is off to make breakfast.

- I love the Sanji has heterochromia headcanon. It holds such a special place in my heart. Zoro loves Sanji’s heterochromia, but Sanji doesn’t understand why. He’s hidden it with his bangs because his brother’s used to target him for his eyes. Zoro heals Sanji’s inner child every time he pulls away Sanji’s bangs and tells him how beautiful his eyes are. “God cook. I wanna cut these stupid bangs of yours so I can see these two pretty eyes of yours.” Sanji melts on the spot.

- Sanji and Zoro still have their silly little duels of course. But Sanji lands his kicks a little softer and Zoro tries extra carefully to not nic Sanji with his swords.

Angsty

- Zoro sometimes likes to show affection to Sanji physically as he likes to be touchy, but only with him. Sanji accepts cuddles, hugs, hand holding, and kissing. But hates being smothered as he feels suffocated. Once they were cuddling in bed and Zoro and him had a playful fight. Zoro tried to get the upper hand by wrapping his arms around Sanji’s head and squeezing. Sanji then starts to panic and fight against Zoro which only encourages Zoro to squeeze harder. Sanji feels like he’s 6 years old again stuck in the cell with that metal helmet on his head. He then will starts to struggle frantically against Zoro and scream a little in protest. Zoro finally understanding releases Sanji and sees tears running down his face. Zoro will then feel immediately bad and try to calm Sanji down apologizing. Sanji begins to sob and turns away from Zoro a little embarrassed. Zoro will then take the rest of the day to make it up to Sanji and Sanji finally tells him about his past and Zoro listens intently. He and Sanji talk it out and set boundaries.

- Zoro sometimes feels like he can’t protect Sanji, that he won’t be good enough for him. When a battle with some pesky pirates renders Sanji injured a little, Zoro completely blames himself and sits by Sanji’s beside immensely apologizing but Sanji tells him that it’s okay and it’s only a minor sprain. “Stupid cook making me worry. Gosh why do you gotta scare me like that.”

[anemonelovesfiction]

Not A Prank

Lo’ak x Y/n x Tsireya

Obviously its smut. Obviously everyone is of age for these activities, no underage bull crap going on here. Y/n liked the two of them but knows they’re to be mated together and she doesn’t wanna ruin it

Reader is insecure, low self esteem (but mildly placed in there)

Use of Mommy/Daddy Kink

The Gif is what I imagined Lo’ak and Tsireya being like when he asks her where Y/n went.

Reader is AFAB

HUMAN! Y/n

Next>>

She was the sweetest girl I’d ever met and the most beautiful. I could feel my heart race whenever she was near me or whenever she would place her hand on mine to help me breathe the way her people do. Even as a human I’d surprised myself for falling for her and her kindness. I knew I had no chance with someone being courted by Lo’ak.

Lo’ak was also fantastic. He was attentive, caring, sweet, he was so cute and hot at the same time. Whenever the anger radiated off of his body causing him to be demanding had me pressing my thighs together all the time.

But with her standing before me telling me what she had just told me I felt like I was slapped in the face by her words. The only people to know how I felt- because I trusted in telling them- were Neteyam and Rotxo, and unfortunately one of them were dead. So it was easy to pinpoint who’d told her how I felt about them.

“Th-that’s,” I stop myself as my shaky voice is making it hard to speak. I could feel the tears prickling my eyes and of course she’d choose now to pull a prank on me. I thought she was better than that.

Tonight was a big party- for what, I’m assuming it had to do with Lo’ak and Tsireya choosing to be mates. I couldn’t be too sure but was told by Ao’nung and Rotxo that Jake and Tonowari had spoken and everyone had gotten excited. But the moment I go with the Sully’s to their marui, silently cry myself to sleep, I’d have to wake up and face them both the next day again.

“That was a mean prank.” I state as my bottom lip trembles and her face falls. She knits the skin of her brows together and if I could give her an award for acting confused, I would, she played the part very well. I left before she could say anything and disappeared between the miniforest as I often call it.

I could feel my feet tingling from the length I’d ran and my lungs burning, refraining to let my sobs out, and from breathing heavily as I started running once I was out of sight. I let my sobs shake my body once I knew I was alone and allowed myself to fall to my knee’s. I had nobody but myself to blame, I shouldn’t have trusted Rotxo when I knew Ao’nung would manage to get the secret out of him.

I’d rather not stay out here and find somewhere to take my mind off of things and saw a huge cave opening with the faintest glowing light up ahead. Something in my mind told me to follow the light and it felt as if the slight breeze had been trying to guide me forward.

_________

“Do you think it was wise of us to make Y/n late for the party?” Ao’nung asks after having seen the human girl running. He was unsure if he had seen tears in her eyes or not but turns to Rotxo with a worried expression.

He wasn’t the type to instantly be okay with humans, hell, it took him quite the while to be okay with the new humans but they proved themselves useful to the clan. They learned as the Sully’s did and for that they had his respect.

“I think Lo’ak and Tsireya should tell her how they feel instead of her hearing it from their fathers.” Rotxo says with a smile.

“Hmm.” Ao’nung answers just as Lo’ak passes between them with a nod. A slight wind picking up as he does so.

The Omaticaya boy walks over toward the Teal girl who had her own fingers interlaced and was beginning to rock them from side to side, bending at the wrists, a nervous habit she’d picked up from the humans.

“Whats got you nervous now?” Lo’ak asks as he settles his hands on Tsireya’s shoulders and the girls sad expression stares back at him. His own smile disappears as he studies the beauty in front of him.

“What is wrong?” He asks gently.

“Y/n-“ Tsireya speaks as her eyes start to water and she focuses more on making sure the tears don’t fall. She is a sensitive woman but she knew she could not make this about her.

“Does she not share our feelings?” Lo’ak asks her in an attempt to get straight to the answer. If this was the answer he would comfort Tsireya and worry about this problem tomorrow.

“I told her how we felt and she looked so hurt, she thought I was joke-lying.” She states and fights the tears from falling but one escapes as it cascades down her cheek. She looks down in disappointment on herself for not stating it nicer.

“She thought you were pranking her?” Lo’ak asks as the english word slips past his tongue effortlessly and the teal girl nods. He licks his lips to try to think of a way to fix their problem and wipes his girlfriends (soon-to-be’s-wife) tear from her cheek, then takes his index finger to spoon her chin, he slowly lifts it up and she is looking at him through her lashes, fighting her own feelings.

“We should tell her it was not a prank, tell me now, where did she go?” He asks her softly while giving her the kindest small smile.

“Through the tree’s.” She answers and he caresses her cheek.

“Lets go find our Lor.” Lo’ak speaks and takes Tsireya’s hand as he too walks toward the mini forest- as he remembered you often called it. Unbeknownst to the human girl, thats where one of the caves leads to their sport tree.

__________

I prayed to Eywa upon seeing the spirit tree shining brightly in the night sky. The glowing fish surrounding the tree were dancing beautifully in the water and it was a sight I’d never quite be used to. I felt a sense of calmness wash over me after I finished asking the all mother to help guide me from here. I knew I’d need an immeasurable amount of strength to face Tsireya after what she’d just told me.

I sat on one of the make-shift bridges made with some of the magnetic rock. It floated like a walkway and ended about three feet away from me where a big petal of the spirit tree is illuminating the area I was in. I dip my feet into the water and sigh leaning my body back to see the multitude of stars shining along the night sky. I smile at the sight and decide to lay back down, placing my hands on my stomach and relax while gazing at them. They shined so beautifully it made me wish I was one of them instead.

It wasn’t too long before I was closing my eyes to the sound of the waves carefully crashing. There seemed to only be peace here and I smiled at the sound. I opened my eyes again and screamed at the face I was least expecting to see staring back at me. I almost felt bad that my natural reaction was to slap his face away from mine so I could plan an escape, almost didn’t stop my hand from hitting his face, and although he yelped and pulled away I know it didn’t hurt him.

“I don’t want to talk right now.” I instantly frown and pull my legs out of the water. I knew if I tried walking away now my feet would slip or he’d stop me either way so I stated how I felt instead.

“Why’s that?” He asks and I glance at him carefully. I’m unsure of what he knows but he wasn’t showing any signs of knowing of what had previously transpired and it makes my heart hurt because it must have been a prank and all I want to do is go to the Marui, lay on my mat, and cry.

“I don’t want to talk about the reason either.” I huffed and moved to get up.

“Woah, wait a second.” He places his warm hand on my arm and his one touch stops my movements completely. I move my arm from under his and he holds his hands up in defense.

“Woah, I didn’t know you had Lo’ak cooties.” He jokes and lowers his hands as he brings his knee’s toward his chest, resting his arms on them.

“Thats not funny.” I roll my eyes.

“You used to laugh at that.”

“Once. I laughed once,” I can feel the corners of my mouth turning up as I remember when he asked if thats why I wouldn’t hug him, he had the kids of the village yelling that whenever he got near.

“Theres that smile,” He pokes my cheek lightly and ends up sliding his pointer finger under my jaw and his thumb placed on my cheek.

I admit I had started smiling at the gesture but abruptly moved my face off of his hand and stood up. All trace of my smile being gone. He was doing that out of kindness for a friend not out of love for a mate.

“I’m tired.” I stated and headed toward the cave opening but felt my bicep being grabbed. My stupid flabby bicep with almost no muscle, I was almost home free.

“Reya didn’t mean to upset you.”

And there it goes. He knew the entire time and sat there pretending to be my friend, knowing the words she probably said, knowing the reason I came out here was to hide from them, and this felt like the biggest betrayal, I thought Tsireya was mean but Lo’ak was ruthless. But I should have expected him to stand beside his girlfriend, after all, they’re probably going to complete their union once I left.

“Let go.” I stated and felt proud for my voice not wavering.

“Y/n-“

“No!” I yank my arm away from his and it hurt, he was firmly holding onto me. “You knew and you sat there pretending that everything was fine.”

“Thats not why-“

“I’m sorry, okay? Is that what you wanted me to say?” I asked him even though I was the one who deserved an apology. He shakes his head but I speak before he has the chance to.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t just love you as a brother or Tsireya as a friend. I’m sorry I managed to ruin your marriage party tonight but I swear I wasn’t trying to make this about me. I already know nobody likes me or wants a future with me here. I’m tawtute. I’m disgusting, I’m ugly, I’m pathetic, I know. I hear them every day.” I clenched my fists to stop my hands from shaking. My nails were digging in my palms to stop myself from crying but I knew the tears were falling any time soon, my vision was too blurry for them to not fall now.

“Who told you those words.”

I shouldn’t be surprised that Lo’ak wasn’t by himself. It’s the icing in this piece-of-shit-day-cake. But I was hoping I was wrong for once and he came to talk to me on his own. My mistake.

“I’m going home-“ I turn around and almost bump into Tsireya I blink to try to clear my vision and the tears fall immediately, fresh ones coming to replace the ones that fell.

“Who.”

“Doesn’t matter.” I try to move around her but she intentionally moves to block my way. I look up at her and try to muster all of the anger and hatred I can but she’s crossed her arms and is looking down on me and it makes me want to cry harder.

“Why would you believe them?” Lo’ak’s voice comes from behind me and I’m starting to get agitated.

“Have you seen me?” I chuckle darkly as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

“Have you seen you?” He asks in an angry tone.

“I just want to go home.” I sigh, I’m tired and I don’t have the energy to be angry anymore, I just want to be sad, and they wouldn’t be there.

“I asked you a question.” Lo’ak stated so cooly, he sounded stern, like when Jake was mad- he sounded like his father- he had the same accent but it was his voice.

“What does that even mean?” I asked while placing my palm on my forehead, then turning my head to look at him.

“Have you seen yourself?” Tsireya is the one asking this time and I’ve just about had it with their riddles.

“Yes, I’m fat, unlikable-“

“No, you are repeating words.” Tsireya stops me and bends down slightly to come face to face with me.

“We don’t see you like that, Y/n.” Lo’ak states and I can hear him step closer, his hand resting on my shoulder and I want to shake it off and run. I know how you see me I wanted to tell them but I stayed quiet.

“Oel Ngati Kameie,” Tsireya says as she places her hand on my empty shoulder. I could feel Lo’ak squeeze the other as he repeated those words.

“Oel ngati kameie,Y/n.”

“…” I freeze at their words and am only facing Tsireya with wide eyes.

“You are a strong tawtute. You came to our clan knowing nothing of the way we live and have proven yourself over and over by completing the tasks we do. You’re helpful and you are kind. I like seeing the way you handle the children very well and it makes my chest feel like its burning to see you with our children.” Tsireya speaks while looking into my eyes the entire time and I’m shocked when she leans in and kisses me, but I close my eyes and enjoy the feeling. My eyes flutter open moments after she pulls away and she’s smiling, her eyes are full of life.

“You’re intelligent and creative, I’ve heard Ronal become impressed with your knowledge and she wishes she could remember things the way you do. And trust me it is very hard to please that woman-“

Tsireya knocks Lo’aks head from the side and she makes a face at him and I let out a small laugh. I turn to look at him as he continues while slightly rubbing his head.

“-you picked up sign language in a month, I still fumble with it. You’re ambitious and always want to find the answers to the problems when everyone else has given up. You’re so sweet to anyone you meet. You’re gorgeous, fuck, especially when you look at me like that.”

I knit my eyebrows together because I had no idea what he was talking about but he leans down to kiss my lips, his hand coming to caress my cheek, he teases by running his tongue on my bottom lip and I whine before he pulls away. I keep my eyes closed and I’m sure the disappointment is evident on my face.

“But I can’t be with you.”

“Why not?” Tsireya asks.

“You belong to each other, I can’t ruin what you have-“ I stop myself when I see Lo’ak smirking, his eyes shift to Tsireya’s then back at me as if he was talking to her with his eyes.

“What?” I ask as I turn to see Tsireya sharing a smile with Lo’ak.

“We were both having feelings for you but didn’t want to leave each other. It took us a while to talk to each other as we didn’t want to disappoint the other. Then we talked to both of our parents who talked to Eywa.” Tsireya explains and she seems giddy.

“And-“ Lo’ak takes my focus with him as he continues. “- both parents said Eywa has paired the three of our souls together.” Lo’ak stated.

“I thought Eywa only mated two people together?” I asked in confusion.

“Unless theres a match so perfect that there are three- sometimes more- destined to be together.” Tsireya smiles sweetly.

“But I can’t mate with you.”

“Why not?” Lo’ak asks and my eyebrows knit together as I stare down to the floor. I just came to the deep realization that I had been kissed by them moments prior, by both of them, my cheeks were heating up.

“I don’t have a kuru.”

“You don’t need one Yawne, you are enough for us just the way you are.” Tsireya reassures me and I sigh. It feels like they aren’t thinking about this the way I am.

“I can’t give you children, I can’t tsaheylu with you, I can’t hold a bow and arrow or become taronyu-“ I looked at Lo’ak “- or hold my breath long enough to be a diver,” I looked at Tsireya.

“I just can’t-“ I stop myself from continuing the sentence and look up at them, nervously teetering my interlocked hands from side to side. “Trust me when I say I’ve wanted this for so long, but I fall too short to be your mate,” I stated firmly.

“Let us show you how you don’t.” Tsireya circles around to stand next to Lo’ak as they share a look and Lo’ak gives a nod. Tsireya smiles and holds her hand out. I knit my brows as I look at her outstretched three-fingered hand, look up to her face and exhaled quick upon seeing her half lidded eyes, then I look toward her hand again to contain my blush.

Fuck it, right? I take her hand and she gently pulls toward her body. I look back up at her and can feel my feet inching toward her as she takes her other hand to caress my cheek, I flinch at the contact and I could feel my shoulders tense up. She leans down carefully and stops close to my mouth, her eyes looking back up at mine and my breath hitches, the smallest flicks of her ear picking up my gasp. She closes the gap again and lets go of my hand, placing her hand on the small of my back, pulling me in toward her body- still caressing my cheek with her other hand.

She moves her head slightly off to the side and the hand caressing my cheek moves to support my neck, she takes the hand from the small of my back and gropes my ass, and she takes advantage of my gasp and fits her tongue inside my mouth, massaging mine. I can’t help but moan into the kiss at how hot and heavy it was getting, I could feel a heat starting in my lower belly.

“Don’t hog her to yourself, Reya,” Lo’ak whines and the teal girl chooses to disconnect our mouths. I’m breathing heavily having forgotten that I wasn’t breathing since her face got close to mine, I’m sure my pupils were dilated I could see the light from the tree shining on Lo’ak’s face and his were definitely dilated.

He leans in and kisses me and it feels rougher, his lips move smoothly across my own and I could tell I would be addicted between the two. He grabs the back’s of my knee’s as he lifts me up and I jump, wrapping my legs around his waist from where I was being held, Lo’ak moves his rough lips over my jaw line, and I whine feeling Tsireya’s hands gently rubbing my waist and kissing my back. My breath is coming out labored as I feel their hands and mouths on my body, the heat from my belly had grown and I felt like I couldn’t take it much longer.

“Please,” I beg, not sure to whom, but hoping they don’t stop. Lo’ak is nibbling on the right side of my neck and I could feel the goosebumps rise, and the wetness begin. Tsireya does the same on the left side and I bite my lip to stop myself from making any embarrassing sounds making sure to tightly close my eyes, my toes curl as well and I fight the urge to move my hips in Lo’ak’s abs.

“Don’t be shy, sweet girl.” Tsireya nuzzles her nose in my cheek as she speaks in my ears and I whine. Lo’ak hums in agreement and moves his face away from mine, my breaths coming out in short huffs, I’m sure I looked as pathetic as I felt.

“Let us know how we making you feel, princess.” Lo’ak pecks my lips again and sits me downward gently lays me against Tsireya.

“Tonight is about your pleasure more than ours.” Tsireya reassures me as she places her arms under my armpits to fully grasp any part of my body. I nod in understanding but felt shy all over again. I hated sitting down when my tummy was visible and this position does not flatter me at all.

“Don’t be shy,” Tsireya repeats in my ears while Lo’ak sits back to watch, a slight smirk playing on his lips. She ran her teal hands along the lengths of my body and I started feeling self conscious.

“You’re so soft,” She comments and manages to keep one hand on my waist, the other traveling up my side, skipping my breasts- to which I slightly sigh in relief, and she just places her hand under my chin and turns my head toward hers as she captures my lips to her own. Her hand travels toward my top, never untying it, but placing her hands to carry my boobs and I gasp as her thumb caresses my nipples through the shirt. She gently massages them in her hands, careful to tease my nipples, and stick her tongue in my mouth to claim it. I can feel the fire in my belly intensify, I could feel the damp spot in my loincloth.

“Reya,” I whine and she smiles joyfully.

“Yes my love?”

“Please.” I whine again.

“You have to tell her what you want, baby girl. Tell mommy what you want.” Lo’ak licks his lips as he observes the scenario unfolding.

“Mo-mmy?” I ask in confusion and Tsireya kisses down my neck, it felt so different. I could tell she enjoyed it.

“Yes baby girl?” She coo’s in my ear without going further, one hand has dipped under my shirt as she plays with my nipple as the other trails over my belly and stops at the waistband.

“Tell mommy what you want and I’ll give it to you.” She licks the shell of my ear and I moan.

“Please use, use your f-fingers,”

“But I am using them, my love.”

“On my pussy,” I whine. Tsireya makes a sound of approval and dips her hand under my loincloth.

“She’s so wet Lo’ak-“ She gasps and lets the moisture collect on her finger tip before finding my clit and placing the slightest bit of pressure and rubbing circles. My eyes close and I suck in a small breath as I could feel the heat radiating from my stomach down to my pussy. I wanted to cum on her fingers.

“Why don’t you rub faster, my love.” Lo’ak’s voice sounded deeper but I was too focused on Tsireya’s fingers to bother opening my eyes, secretly agreeing with Lo’ak.

“I think we need your help,” The teal girl moans as she speaks but I know she wasn’t talking to me.

“Mommy please go faster,” I moan and her fingers pick up on speed. I’m panting and can feel myself shamefully reaching my own orgasm but something was missing.

“Take her loincloth off!” Tsireya instructs and Lo’ak does so. She’d long abandoned my nipple and was using her left hand to hike my left thigh up, stopping me from closing my legs at all.

“Fuck look at that pretty pussy.” Lo’ak moans himself and palms his cock through his loin cloth. “So wet from mommy doing a good job,” I could feel Tsireya shiver underneath me but her fingers never faltered.

“Don’t you think so, Princess?” He asks me and I nod my head knowing I’d just moan louder if I talked.

“Finger fuck her, Lo, make her cum with our fingers.” Tsireya whispers something quick in my ear and it takes me a bit to process what she said but now I knew what Lo’ak liked to be called.

“Alright baby, I’m going to use my fingers, let me know if it hurts and we can stop, okay?” He asks and I nod.

“Y-yes daddy, I w-will.”

“Fuck you’ll be the death of me.” He groans and comes face to face with my pussy. I could feel his hot breath with every exhale making my slick more evident. He carefully prods at the opening and ever so slowly slides his pointer finger in.

“So bi-ig,” I grind down- as best I could with Tsireya still holding my thigh up, other hand circling my sopping wet clit. I could take a second finger but if I’m being honest, his one finger was like being fucked by a dick, I couldn’t fathom fitting his in me.

“You’re so naughty~” Lo’ak coo’s. “Whose pussy does this belong to?” He asks while kissing my left thigh and I whine.

“Is it mommy’s or daddy’s pussy my love?” Tsireya asks from above me and I whine.

“Ca-can’t choose. Both,” I groan once Lo’ak inserts a second finger and I feel unbelievably full-

“Fuck baby, the tips of my fingers are kissing her cervix,”

“Daddy, fuck!” I yell and feel the coil in my belly start to tighten. He curls his fingers upward once and I moan, opening my legs up more if possible.

“Yeah baby girl?” He asks while curling them again, making sure to drag his fingers over a very special and sensitive spot inside me.

“Mommy, Daddy, I’m gonna-“ I grunt and thrust my hip upwards as Lo’ak hits that spot harder.

“Come for us baby, be a good girl and come for momma and daddy.” Tsireya coo’s stopping her rubs on my clit, before I could whine our of protest she pushes the bottom of my tummy down as Lo’ak grinds his fingers upward and I see stars. My vision goes white and I’m sure I was screaming, the feeling of pure pleasure is rippling through me and I can tell I’m grinding back on his finger, I open my eyes lazily to see Lo’ak licking his fingers clean.

“You taste divine, baby girl.”

“No fair, I want to taste-“ Lo’ak dips his fingers back down into my cunt and sits up on his knees, grabbing Tsireya’s cheeks harshly and placing his fingers in her mouth and she closes her eyes, letting out a seductive sound as she licked his fingers clean.

“Fuck.” I whisper to myself while seeing this play out before me. He leans in and starts making out with Tsireya and the gloss on his lips from my own cunt is turning me on, they were getting horny over my taste.

“We have someone to finish off, Rey,” Lo’ak affectionately rubs the teal girls cheek, kissing her forehead.

“But I already came-“ I mention in confusion.

“And now we fuck, baby girl.” He states as if it were obvious and I moan at the thought alone.

“How can I take that sweet pussy of yours?” He asks and I moan again.

“Doggy.”

“Get in position then.”

“Wait-“ I stop him as he reaches for his loincloth and he stops.

“I want Mommy in front if me so I can eat her out.” I stated while looking at Tsireya.

“But tonight is for you, my love-“ She starts and I cut her off.

“And I want to eat you out, please.”

She undoes her loincloth with a flick of her hand over the bow keeping it together and sits on the floor in front of me, her legs slowly spread and I see and smell her slick. I didn’t think I’d be able to smell it but-

“You smell so good-“ I groan and felt myself become aroused at the smell and sight alone.

“Feel her, baby girl.” Lo’ak says beside me and I shiver at his proximity.

My mouth salivates at the thought of doing that but my body was acting on its own as my knees came into contact with the ground below. I knelt down and inspected her pussy and was surprised to see how similar our anatomy was. I instinctively place my four fingers on her mound as my thumb slides over where I believe her clit is and she sucks in a breath. I bite my lip and feel Lo’ak lifting my hips to get me in position and I go all in with my thumb, not necessarily taking it slow but not too fast to hurt her.

“Please don’t stop.” Tsireya exhales heavily.

“I don’t plan on it-“ My own breath hitches as Lo’ak places the head of his cock on my entrance, gently pushing the slightest bit.

“Keep playing with Mommy, baby, Daddy’s going slow.” He reassures me while continuing to slide in at the slowest pace possible and my heart swells at how sweet he’s being to me.

“Use your fingers baby.” Tsireya demands and I use my own hand sticking one finger in her. “You can use more than one my love,” She coaxes and I use three, she throws her head back and I can feel her squeeze my fingers. I continue to slowly thrust in her while rubbing her clit with my thumb.

Just then I could feel Lo’ak’s head entering and the unbelievable stretch I found was enough to stop me from taking care of Tsireya and groaning in pain.

“Hold on princess.” Lo’ak states while using his body to hover over mine as he sucks on my neck, gently taking one hand off my hip to trail down to rub my clit.

“Eywa you’re so tight and so wet.” He groans in my ear, his finger rubbing my clit faster.

“Don’t forget mommy, Tiyan,” He kisses my ear and I whine, feeling bad for forgetting about ‘Reya, I move my fingers deeper and feel her clench harder around my hands as she moans louder, I can see her toes curling as I run my fingers back out and I feel like the cockiest person alive right now.

“How does that ma-ke you f-f-eel, mom-my?” I planned that to go smoother in my mind but Lo’ak’s attentiveness to my body was showing. I thrusted my fingers back in her and circled her clit twice.

“Wonderful, Tiyan,” She moans and meets my fingers with a small thrust of her own. “Don’t stop,”

“I wanna taste-“ I lazily stated as Lo’ak thrusts his hips further, finally meeting my hips, the tip of his cock kissing my cervix.

“Yes,” Lo’ak moans and goes back to gripping my hips again, I can feel his balls ghosting over my clit. I bend my face down and take Tsireya’s clit in my mouth suckling it and swirling my tongue when I took a breath in.

“I’m going to move, baby girl,” Lo’ak warns before moving his hips back, taking his cock with him, and I can feel the stretch again. I shut my eyes to help focus on Tsireya but the pain was harsh.

“Fuckin’ love this pussy-“ Lo’ak grits while coming back in and slapping my ass at the same time. The sting from the impact of both movements caught me by surprise and I could feel myself contract around him.

“I’m close-“ Tsireya moans, her eyes closed and her mouth letting out pants as she ever so softly grinds her hips closer to my face.

“Yeah, my naughty girls.” I feel another slap on my ass as he slides out and picks up the pace. “Should I let mommy cum?” Lo’ak asks me and slides back in.

“Fuck- I- I don’t know,” I try to breathe but place my mouth back on her, moving my fingers non stop.

“Mmm-“ He hums.

“Baby girl doesn’t think you deserve to come, mommy.”

“I don’t know how much longer I can wait,” Tsireya stops moving her hips against my mouth and I’m saddened.

“Fuck, I’m close too.” Lo’ak pants above me and I can feel my pussy massaging his cock, the primal urge to shove myself back on his cock to coax his come was driving me insane. I look up and see Tsireya biting her lip and looking at me.

“D’you think she should come now baby?” He pistons his hips inside and I’m melting. I detach from Tsireya’s swollen clit and answer.

“Yes mom-my, c-co-me,” I whine and feel another sting on my behind. The moment Tsireya whines and sucks in a deep breathe is the moment Lo’ak goes faster, if at all possible, and ruts his hips in. I can feel Tsireya’s walls clench on my fingers as I’m making the come here motion over her G spot.

“Daddy!” I whine.

“Fuckin’ come princess.”

And as soon as I do, I feel warm, safe, and loved.

_________

Lo’ak had pulled out, laying me between Tsireya and himself as they praised me for a job well done and took turns caressing my back. They gently lead me into the water and cleaned me off, being careful and attentive to my body language. Floating in the cool water helped me feel comfortable again and I sighed in contentment.

After they dressed me, Lo’ak carried me on the way to our shared Marui in which I was mostly already sleeping in his arm.

“Are humans always this sleepy?” Tsireya’s voice is all I hear, but I feel calm.

“After giving them the fuck of a life-time they are.” Lo’ak responds softly, theres a distinct sound that makes me think they kissed.

“I am happy.” Tsireya speaks and is joining me on the mat, cradling my body, effectively making me the little spoon. “She deserves the best, my love, I don’t want her to question our love for her again.”

“I don’t think she will, Rey.” Lo’ak lies down next to us and I can only tell from the slight movement of the mat. He moved his hands to cradle Tsireya and myself and I snuggle closer to their bodies.

“I would kill for her.” She whispers and leans down to kiss my cheek.

“I would too,” Lo’ak yawns lightly and groans happily.

[cressthebest]

Art Heist, Baby! Thoughts pt. 8

chapter 22:

1. sirius is fully committing to the heist, and the hole in my heart is slowly patching itself

2. sirius being challenged with the heist again after going so long with the poor substitute of catching art heists- this does something to me

3. regulus is proud that sirius got to grow his hair out like he wanted. sobbing still

4. Oh. it’s the museum again. with THAT painting. this. this is *the* ahb painting AGAIN

5. OH REG IS SHARING THE NIGHT SIRIUS GOT SHOT STORY TO JAMES GODDAMN

6. regulus will try to be good, just for james. he wants to be enough for james, and will never stop trying, but james always knows that reg is enough

chapter 23:

1. james tbinks that getting to know regulus is a privilege. holy shit hold up.

2. they’re so soft, wait

3. atp it’s a necessity to hear reg’s voice

4. james teasing regulus while reg is driving is 😳. ALSO reg is not good at driving to begin with. lord help them 😭😭😭

5. 😳😳😳 they’re getting spicy. but also, like, so me fr

6. okay, the way that they all make references to their canon animagi are fantastic. i particularly like how remus compares sirius’ stubborn attitude to a dog licking his wounds.

7. WOLFSTAR IS CURED WOLFSTAR IS BACK TOGETHER WOLFSTAR IS CANON

8. 😳😳 now wolfstar is getting at it

9. also, do yourself a favor and go read chapter 23 end notes. masterpiece.

chapter 24:

1. starting the chapter off with jegulus smut i see

2. james’ antler tattoo 😳

3. james is the only one for regulus, i’m sobbing

4. “Most of anything Regulus thought about these days revolved around James. That’s what he gets, he supposed, for falling for the sun. It was only natural.” AHHHHHHHHH. there’s a million things i want to quote from ahb, so i have to be selective, but WOW

5. they’re planning their house together in brazil. sobbing fr rn. arguments over green or red shutters. they’re gonna live together. i’m about to start blubbering wiat ajesjfnsksjdsldj

6. 😳 remus caught them. uh live laugh love

7. REMUS AND JAMES ARE GOSSIPING ABOUT THEIR LOVE LIFE, ALL IS RIGHT IN THE WORLD!! both of them proud for scoring the black brothers. goddamn, that’s an accomplishment

8. DORLENE!!! getting married in italy!!!!

9. barty calling jegulus sluts <3

10. ahb peter <33333

11. SHOVEL TALKS. i live for these

12. barty and evan are reg’s found family brothers and i stand by that for life.

[emloafs]

ep by ep thoughts (ck s6ep5)

my live thoughts from watching part one of cobra kai season 6. this ep is where shit got real in my opinion. spoilers below!!!!!

Ep5:

Stop manipulating tory, kreese!!!!!! She deserves friends!!!!!!! Get out of her head!!!!!!!

Im so uncomfortable

AISHA MENTION??? HOLY SHIT HELL YEAH

Dem didn’t tell Eli he got into MIT :(((( Dads stop fighting pls 

Oh tory really needs this tournament doesn’t she

I hate the power couples going head to head im over it like genuinely I am also over Daniel and Johnny bickering but its fine

Tbh not enough Miguel storyline so far I miss my baby

MIGGY GOT DEFERRED NOOOOOOO

WHAT THHE FUCK TORYS MOM 

OH IM NOT FUCKING OKAY

Peyton lists acting just brought tears to me eyes I feel sick fuck the writers 

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck the writers

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK the writers

Im so fucking heartbroken

Peyton list’s acting is so impressive

I hope that when everyone realizes the SHIT that tory is going through they realize their petty karate bullshit is STUPID

Tory flashback has me sobbing fr

“I am your partner” actual line from Daniel to Johnny

Tory is either not showing up or she’s murdering whoever stands in her way

I am afraid she may go back to kreese because she’s hurting

Kiaz fight choreo is VERYY good

TORY NOOOO my baby

Robby need a win tbh but Miguel is crying  so what am I supposed to do with that

Oh im sick to my stomach about samtory fight

Genuinely no more notes because im speechless

This is Peytons season.

Everyone else go home. She’s acting circles around you. 

LETS GO ELI but im fucking heartbroken about tory she’s gonna end up with fuckinng kreese again

ELI LOOKING UP TO DEMETRI AND DEMETRI GIVING HIM THE COLD SHOULDER I CAN’T DO THIS I NEED THEM LIKE WATER

Like I won. dem and Eli are both going but at WHAT COST

I feel like sam and robby as captains low key are so fitting because miyagi do started with them

Those headbands are ugly… sorry someone had to say it

Miyagi fought in an international karate tournament? Are we for real? That doesn’t seem like him to meeeee

OH SHIT BARCELONA NOW???????

Demetri put away your shoulders in that slutty gi jesus fucking christ 

Robby man bun returns feels full circle

The venue is smaller than I imagined…..?

Oh shit cobra kai is back baby and they’re hot (not kreese vomit)

USA looks like a bunch of idiots just saying

OH SHIT TORY

I KNEW IT I FUCKING KNEW IT BABYGIRL IK YOURE HURTING

Cobra kai never dies

What a betrayal (that I absolutely saw coming) 

so ive actually died now and i'll be thinking about this for the next 3-5 business days (4 months until pt 2)

seriously someone hold me. i gotta rewatch this to process it all.

[clonedchaos]

GUYS GUYS GUYSSSS IM LOSING MY MINNNNDDDD TRANSFORMERS ONE WAS SO GOOODDDD THIS IS LEGIT ME RN:

Okay, but seriously though, I really enjoyed it and want to make plans to see it again. So if you haven’t already, I highly recommend the film. It’s criminally underrated in terms of the box office, so go show it the love it so rightfully deserves!!! 🥰

Anywho, if you want to hear nonsensical spoilers, feel free to read below the cut.

Childhood me would never think I’d be somewhat shipping Optimus and Megatron but like… yeah I understand what y’all are getting at in your tumblr posts. (Fr though, their friendship was so sweet. D-16’s betrayal really did hurt. And it’s been a while since I’ve seen such a well done relationship like that in the media. They’re just two silly lads who genuinely cared about one another and yet got driven apart by vengeance.)

Every single time Bee said “Badassatron” I’m sobbing— He’s such a goober. Bumblebee was always my favorite as a kid, so I have a soft spot for him (even if Orion and D16 were my favorites in this film). “KNIFE HANDS” he’s a safety hazard. (Also him being slightly insane and making inanimate objects his friends to talk to and being self-aware that they’re fake— I AM STEVE?!)

Sentinel essentially saying “Nu-uh” to D-16 when he was rambling about his plans.

Why did they keep saying miner? 😭

Starscream is such a neeerddd per usual. Dang he’s simping for Megatron (I’m kidding y’all, I miss poking fun at the silly plane man)

Trion basically adopted these tiny 4 robots and yes it is canon 💯 (Bro shouldn’t have died, I wanted silly dad shenanigans 😭)

Orion- “Hey Darkwing, my finger can transform”. Meanwhile D16: *knocks Orion the heck out and then proceeds to get punched by Darkwing* My favorite part of the movie ngl

I am very Bumblebee core tbh. He’s just a silly little guy. A silly guy with knife hands.

Bee saying his dream was to work for the government had the theater and I howling (this was a very fun theater experience actually, loved the vibes)

The boys are just casually scared of Elita. Girlboss 💅 (Also I love that her and Arachnid had a fight. I vaguely remember them having a fight/maybe rivalry? In Transformers Prime. Speaking of which, I need to rewatch that. Its been years and I never finished it)

I’m sorry but the whole “Starscream” namesake and then D-16 damaging his vocal cords is obvious irony but still. Nice touch.

”Why did you gag him?” “He wouldn’t stop talking.” “Even when he was unconscious?” “ESPECIALLY WHEN HE WAS UNCONSCIOUS!” Bee’s certified yapper moment

Orion’s whole arc and relationship with D-16 is sad when you pair it with how they are in other iterations. Like, the reason Orion/Optimus would’ve been a stickler for the rules and order was because he was afraid of losing someone again like he lost D-16. (I can’t remember if their backstory is the same all across the board, its been a while since I brushed up on transformers stuff)

The animation was genuinely very pretty. I love the little magic sand particles and the way Megatron’s eyes have a glow trail as specific examples.

The child in me kept kicking my legs and screaming at the references. The mask! Roll out! When D got his signature arm gun I internally lost it. And Chris Hemsworth’s voice at the end of the film was a really really good Optimus voice.

“Is it… getting closer?” Meanwhile Bee: *running away for his life* (both him and Orion running at the start of the film absolutely took me out)

Okay I might do a follow up to this tomorrow, it’s late and I have work in the morning. I’ll think on some more things I want to add as well as some headcanons! Stay tuned!

[oscconfessions]

[00:01 8/24/24 (PDT M/D/Y)] i can refrain from saying sodapack is mid because it’s popular i can refrain from saying sodapack is mid because it’s popular i can refrain

okay but fr. i completely understand why people ship them. however when it’s sodapack specifically i find myself going ‘but what if they were just friends…. who worked together….. sobs and cries’ like. i don’t know why sodapack but not sodascentpack. tbh sodascentpack isn’t really romantic for me they have a bond that cannot be quantified.

ANYWAY for some reason i always imagine sodapack as like two men who are sooooo convinced they’re straight that anything they do anything Gay they rationalize it away. perhaps they’re just not prepared for a relationship yet. i think liam would sit on bryce’s lap. i think they would share clothes. i think they would probably help each other into pretty dresses

WHAT WAS I GOING TO SAY bryce and liam post one just share an apartment and they deal with the domesticity of living together and gradually share more and more time and get closer. at first liam was sleeping in the living room to not invade bryce’s space- okay canceled have you seen him just sit on bryce’s bed? he is stealing that bed. there is no politeness in that man. he would steal bryce’s bed and bryce would wake up with odd aches and pains, lying on the floor, without a blanket even, while liam was snuggled up on his bed all comfycozy. anyway my point is they start sharing time together more and more often. liam starts going into bryce’s room and bryce lets him. they cuddle at night and it becomes less forced and more natural each time. you get it. and they have to deny There Is Anything There At All. “homies kiss the homies good night” - bryce whatever the fuck his last name is

also i must say. bryce liam crossdressing real

liam strikes me as a genuinely cis man but bryce i could see him being an egg. either way they do it for fun. and it totally isn’t romantic when they say eachother could make pretty girls what why would you think that /sarcasm

its been like 6 days i am going to start eating shrapnel im so impatient and then i keep sending asks to people and gimmick blogs who never answer my asks… sobs

.