#they were so so so hungry today
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#they were so so so hungry today#one bit my ear lmao#pigeon#pigeon wednesdays#even though it's monday lol#pigeons#pigeon posting#pigeon feeding#feeding the birds
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I am re-reading the Silmarillion, and something strikes me. The women of Tolkien's world have been talked about TO DEATH especially with all the recurring debates surrounding the Rings of Power series.
As we all know, Tolkien was not a "feminist" in the modern sense of the word. He had a very male-centric point of view and appreciation of the world, he had male-driven and male-centered stories, and actual women characters were sparse and rare. There are only five really big female characters in "The Lord of the Rings" - the quintet of Galadriel, Eowyn, Goldberry, Lobelia and Shelob. [No, don't talk to me about Arwen, she only really was a character in the movies, in the book she's just there in the appendix and she was literaly an afterthought of Tolkien to act as Eowyn's romantic double...]
Consider this. Galadriel, Eowyn, Goldberry, Lobelia and Shelob. This tells you everything you need to know about Tolkien's women, in good and bad.
The Silmarillion has the same motif of having a lot of female characters, only for most of them to be just footnotes, secondary characters with no lines, under-developped one-liners... with in a contrast a handful of super-cool, super-badass, complex and developed heroines at the center of the plot.
Aka, on the bad side, when listing the Valar, while Tolkien gives an interesting personality, great domains and cool attributes to all the male ones, half of the female ones are just... there. And do one stuff. And never appear again. I mean come on... Vana and Nessa? Estë and Vairë were done dirty... That's the actual type of "non-feminism" Tolkien has. It isn't about him hating women or trying to be offensive in his depictions - it is about him just, not putting as much thought, effort and care into his female characters as his male ones, a bit the same way he creates the vast expanses of the East and South of Middle-Earth and then never bothers actually developing more of it or seeking to tell tales of it - but that's for another discussion about Tolkien's "racism". Here we talk about women.
But here's the thing, aka the good side... When Tolkien does find the time and care to develop and flesh out a female character, by Iluvatar he goes all out! Again, we are back on what I said earlier: the women of Lord of the Rings can be counted on one hand... but these fingers are Galadriel, Eowyn and Shelob, so you can't claim he isnt writing powerful, important or uninterestng female characters. Which leads me to my original remark - as usual I get driven away in digressions of all sorts and kinds.
Have you ever noticed that Melkor's greatest enemies, the ones he fears the most, and his most effective foes... are women? Tolkien might not like to put them front and center of his tales, and he might have been a man of the early 20th century England in culture and mind, but boy does he has something to say about how women are actually the first enemies of the literal embodiment of evil and destruction! I mean think about it. Varda of the Stars, and Yavanna of the trees. Nienna has her ambiguous relationship to him - her tears work against him, and yet without her plea for him he likely would not have been released from the dungeons of Mandos. You have Melian with her Girdle, and Luthien with her Hound. And of course most of all Arien, guardian of the Sun, not only one of the rare fire spirits that Melkor couldn't corrupt (despite him basically ruling over all fire), but that frightens him so much he keeps hiding away and doesn't even dare to attack her... [I also reblogged some times ago a post praising the brilliance of Tolkien keeping the old European sun-moon motifs but switching the genders. The weaker, inconsistant, lustful, whimsical, disorderly, untrustworthy Moon is now a male principle, while the steady, dangerous, strong, powerful and beautiful Sun is a woman.]
It is actually REALLY easy to do a feminist retelling of Tolkien's work. Melkor doesn't fear Manwë as much as Varda. Aulë's works and servants get corrupted by Melkor, while Yavanna's do not. Melian and Luthien actively works against him. He friggin' pisses himself when the Woman of the Sun shows up. Sure, there are some evil female characters that serve him down the line and are relegated to the "obscure footnotes and undescribed secondary characters" zone - Thuringwethil the vampire or queen Beruthiel. I coul also dropped deleted characters from early drafts, like the ogress Fluithuin. But among them stands Ungoliant... THE only true female big bad on the dark side of Arda. THE badass, nightmarish, creepy eldritch abomination. And who ends up double-crossing Melkor, almost KILLING him, and again making him basically shit in his pants - as Varda and Arien do.
The first enemies of Morgoth are not the Valar, or the Maiar, or the Elves... It's women.
#Huh... there was this woman. She had a name. Was hot. She weaved. And that's it moving on she is not actually relevant.#she's just here to ornate the text.#tolkien's legendarium#lord of the rings#silmarillion#the women of tolkien#feminism in fantasy#melkor#morgoth#seriously when you start looking at the world Tolkien created you actually can have SO MUCH FUN#i am a bit sad everybody keeps using the same analysis#the same points and the same angles over and over again#when it is clearly more open and under different lenses can become sometimes something much cooler than what people make it sound to be#i am sorry but the silmarillion sometimes sounds like a “feminist fantasy” as we can understand it today#it literaly sometimes is a glorious hymn of how the things evil fears the most and the only people who put a stop to the scheme of the devi#were women#who were queens and heroines and enchantresses and goddesses and princesses and warriors and the sun and eldritch horrors forever hungry#j.r.r. tolkien#tolkien talk#lotr#but let's be honest A LOT of other times it is just
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Blue Son Boy.
#fe three houses#dimitri alexandre blaiddyd#ya know what this is my today art cause i slept and woke up hungry and its still like.... 2hrs min before we attempt to drive#so im unable to sleep cause my tummy is growling#and on top of that the upstairs people in the hotel were being noisy sooooo#gonna try to get a couple more hours of sleep but its a long shot
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#YAAAAHAHHAAHAHAAAA!!! YOUUU thought the beginning of gen 5 would be SNIVY‚ did you?? well‚ you were MISTAKEN!!#if you want to see snivy‚ first you must take a spin on the ILLUSTRIOUS#V-WHEEEEEEEEEEEL!!!#victini#here we are‚ folks! the beginning of generation five‚ pokémon's “soft reset” as some folks call it#i dunno if it's true or not‚ but i do remember hearing that TPC attempted a bit of a reset with the pokémon franchise at gen 5#and it never really worked out. and that that's why you can only catch unova 'mons until the postgame#something like that. it's been a while since i heard the theory so that's just. like. what i remember about it#and i'm not gonna google it bc i am 1. lazy and 2. hungry bc i have not eaten today and it has been rough. so i'm going to eat something#after this goes into the queue. for reference it's like 8 PM
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jun has "everyone should be my servants and dote on me forever" npd meanwhile i have "im above asking for help and would rather eat my own organs than do so" npd. in this way im kind of tadashi naokira
#oversharing ------------- >#talk with my therapist was soooo embarrassing today#i told her abt how when we were on the trip i stopped taking one of my meds bc its the one that makes me hungry#& since we wouldnt really have a lot of food at home i would have to ask my parents to go get something to eat#so i preferred to not take the meds to make going long stretches of time without eating less painful#and she asked me 'why would you do that. why do you think you feel like that' and i was like Ummmm#personal#this isnt going in the oc tag
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can something just work out for me please
#i have barely any food left and so ive been really hungry but i decided to finally eat some food that mutti left me#but. it tasted weird and then i checked some of the other ones and. they were moldy#so i tried to get myself to throw up but i dont know how and its not working#im probabaly overreacting im not gonna die but im so scared. prolly wasnt even on the ones i was eating#im still fuckin hungry too.#ITS ONLY 4.30 NO FUCKING WAY AM I GONNA MAKE IT THROUGH TODAY I LITERALLY WOKE UP EARLY TODAY CUS I WAS SO HUNGRY#stupid baka life or etv#rose rambles
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youtube
versailles - truth // look at him go!
#oh my god im so tired and it's so cold#and my alarm goes off in 40 minutes but i didn't queue a song! and i have a busy day#i have two fucking exams today oh my god#im not way too worried about either one tbh#im fucking wiped bro#i remember this song coming out actually bc i followed cnblue when they were signed to warner music japan at this time#i knew who versailles were i just didn't get into them until i was 22... so about 10 years#i don't think i would've properly appreciated this song in eighth grade i was here for tommy heavenly6 and code name blue#different vibes entirely#fucking hell im hungry too this is gonna be such a long day 😒🙄#versailles#kamijo#hizaki#idk who the rest of them are admittedly#j rock#visual kei#song rec#tbt#shut up kaily#Youtube
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when dad makes you dinner that sounds so good but you get home and eat it and it isnt
#dogs had no braincells today at work#i was overstimulated#new girl called off AGAIN#for like the 3rd suday in a row#IF YOU CANT WORK SUNDAYS JUST SAY ITTT#we dont care if you cant work em just tell ussss#so we were short staffed in teh morning so we were late to lunch#and i didnt get off work till nearly 7#n im hungry but the tamale pie is way too salty and i hate olives#n my favorite part#which is the cheese#wasnt scooped with this#i just wanted ot eat
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whoahghmm..... home and im so tuckered out
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#today was a little stressful only because i still had to learn the university's layout because its really huge#and then i got on the bus really late because it didn't show up but at least i wasnt late (i was but my teacher didn't mind)#but the last subject was so stressful because i had to walk to the other side of the uni to get there and I didn't know that place well#i was 30 minutes late but teacher wasn't bothered and even if i missed a bit of the lesson- this was covered in my senior high so... im safe#travelling took awhile because nic and i took a detour to the mall and cool off there#then i got out of the bus sleepy and wobbling back and forth til home wuwuggwuu#lessons were ok tho :] ate lunch with my friend#i will nap now and play some gameplay or stageplay to fall asleep to#so glad i'm off tomorrow#im hungry but I can't muster the strength to get up and eat dude😩😩😩😩#irl banter
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fuck me.. work tonight was so draining like i suddenly remember why i moved into admin a few years ago now. let me never complain about my job again
#covering youth sessions ages me ten years every time#these 16something lads will continually condescend to me but i’m nothing if not sarcastic and stubborn - i WILL get that apology from them#lmaoooo#im exhausted but it wasn’t half bad overall tbh im just out of practice for youth work#it’s been years but the groups i used to have when i started were so much ‘worse’ behaved than these lot#they were just rowdy and hungry and petty#which yeah checks out 100000% for teen boys#stelle yaps#the group i’ve had for the last few years as i’ve gone into admin were so easy in that they were polite and mature - but the other#issues i was helping them with regarding da and healthy relationships#we’re not so easy but still it’s a totally different kettle of fish to what tonight was like#fucking food thrown all over 😭😭 like what a waste and kicking at the doors and the windows and shit#ugh anyway vent over it was fine and tomorrow im doing three hours of work before im off on holiday for a week!#also i should add it was a 12 hour work day today… like they couldn’t have picked a worse day for me 🙃
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I started watching yellowjackets and holy shit. This is it…it’s literally everything to me. It’s the feral girl rep we deserve. It’s feeding the haunted girl of my brain that made dirt potions and buried my Barbies in the dirt and sacrificed shit to the woods and was obsessed with my best friend (in a very gay way). I will never recover from this and I haven’t even finished season one.
#yellowjackets#shouting into the void again#truly my mom was not available for my rant and I need to work today so it’s going on tumblr#but like this show is feeding parts of me I didn’t know were so HUNGRY#like give me these fucked up traumatized women experiencing midlife crisises#like give me layers of symbolism with cannibalism for spice#like give me unhinged girlies go full feral in the woods#i’m obsessed#and I will never be the same again#also god the fact that tai is gay#like yes she is serving mentally unwell lesbian realness#it’s the toxic rep we need#I want to sink my teeth into this show
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it's hard to have a good day like, mentally and emotionally but a bad day physically.
it's REALLY hard to do that twice in a row but we're going to try.
#i'm not doing the bit this time sorry#the POTS has been POTSing all over the place and i had to take a shower#so what *wasn't* THAT bad before is now VERY BAD and i'm like...#i'm nauseous i don't want to eat anything i can feel the pain starting so i do need to eat SOMETHING so i can take meds#but the concept of both making AND eating food is daunting and also gross feeling simultaneously#my heart is just constantly pounding and i haven't had any caffeine yet today#so my concerns that it was the monster making my shower reactions worse is absolutely not the case#because i'm fucking sitting here shaking like i just survived a car crash all due to having#*checks notes*#woken up made my bed and taken a shower. that's IT. that is ALL i have done so far#and i am trembling and shaking and weak and nauseous like i'm in shock or something this is BULLSHIT#i think i'm hungry too is the other problme i don't know for sure due ot the aforementioned other factors#so i bet eating would help a lot here#god i hate this so much right now i'm so mad#i had to dream about my family and being ignored and there were WILD swings between feeling horrible and feeling like things were improving#and i wouldn't be shocked if the symptoms i was having in my dream were happening in real time in my actual body too#i hate htis i hate htis i hate this#water salt compression socks WHAT ABOUT WHEN THAT'S NOT ENOUGH HUH? WHAT THEN??? DO I JUST GOTTA LIVE LIKE THIS?????#*fuck* i'm so angry rn. and sad. i think i'm going to let myself cry and see what happens
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Despite all odds, I have arrived home safely👍
Turns out that the earlier goop was the better goop. The adderall goop. The adderall has worn off now though. So I am. Very incredibly out of it.
But I am home. And I will take my quick shower. And then I will climb into bed.
I do need to eat. But... later...
#speculation nation#im the special kind of tired where im more tired than hungry#which is to say my every cell is yelling at me to get some fucking sleep.#and i dont think id be much more successful at eating rn than i was this morning.#i ate. half a can of chef boyardee. which was half bc i was so focused on typing and half bc i could barely stomach it.#so i at least ate Something. but not as much as normal.#i did have an ensure in the middle of the day. so theres some nutrients too at least.#i'll eat after i get a few hours of sleep. when the edge is no longer so desperate.#and hopefully i'll be able to stomach things better then.#honestly have all nighters always been this hard or am i just getting older? i havent actually pulled an all nighter since uhhh#well there was kind of one on dead dad day. but that day sucked just in general.#last time i think was april '23 when i read t.rimax volume 9-14 within a 24 hour period while also finishing a final presentation.#even then tho i got like 2 hours of sleep. it was still pretty rough though.#like ok i guess those times were pretty awful and also i did get at least some sleep. which is more than today.#so it makes sense for me to be in worse shape rn. i also didnt get as much sleep the night before last as i wanted to#i got... ...maybe 4 hours sleep??? ummm. which isnt a good thing actuslly. no wonder im so fucking exhausted.#i can barely type right now i will be honest. it was so hard to bike home. it took all my focus to not drive off a bridge#or get pushed into traffic by wind. oh boy the wind sure did try.#then i almost tripped down the stairs at my apartment after grabbing the mail bc i Briefly was focused on my mail 🙄#barely present. total mess. but at least im home. and i already did all the thinking i need to do today.#i was brave. i perservered. i was tempted to give up around 6 am ish but i was like No. this is getting done TODAY.#so i did it. i turned it in. and i so bravely did my in class work for my 2nd class. even though i was so mentally not present the whole way#i did my thinking... i am home... rest soon.#actually its kind of funny im lying on my couch rn and i think if most other ppl were in my current state theyd fall asleep right here.#but the power of my insomnia is so. powerful. i am not at risk of falling asleep without meaning to.#only time thats ever actually happened are like. a handful of times i was like. the most tired ive ever been in my life. etc etc.#in fact idk how well i'll be able to fall asleep for my nap. i certainly couldnt last night despite how hard i tried.#hopefully this time... i am truly tired enough....pls i need to rest i am so tired 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
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Today my curtain rod broke by itself, my wifi was out the whole afternoon delaying my work, I realized too late I was out of food for dinner and when I ordered food they said it'll be late because they don't know where their delivery person is,,,
#poteto venting#please it's 9pm i'm so hungry#today is not a good potato day#also my cats were fighting so i put one of them in a room and now the other one is crying
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screaming in the club
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time for another vent in tags
#so i was joking and i thought it came through but im also dumb and autistic and my jokes dont always cross. sO#i was joking about one of my roomates not seeing Nightmare Before Christmas before bc i was showing 2 of them my picture vinyl of it and whe#n one of them said they never saw it i said “but you were a loser on tumblr in the 2010s wdym” and their fiance was just rude to me and i th#ought it was clearly a joke but ig not and they lowley attacked me for it? im just?? i tried to clarify that i was joking and they know im a#utistic. hell the one i was joking to is also autistic but idk so now i feel like utter shit especially after all i did today thst juet drai#ned me. ive been trying to fix our 2nd shower. i had a meeting. i had an extremely hard therapy session. and i showered today. its been hell#like i am trying to get thru relapsing on SH and my ED and ofc they dont know but that shit made it worse and i dont want to say anything bc#then ill feel like im guilt tripping? idk but im also super nervous about a HRT appmt i have coming up and i cant afford it and we have no#food in the house i can eat rn and no one has gone shopping. i cant go shopping either bc i cant drive/dont have a car. and its making it#harder to help get back on track with eating when theres nothing for me to eat? so everything is fucking amazing right now.#the only meals i could POSSIBLY have and all claimed by the one roommate i was joking with. it all takes up half our freezer too so thats#fucking awesome. all this food for one person and none that i can eat or the other vegan in the house can eat. i have been hungry for DAYS.#all there has been for me to eat is cup ramen and grilled cheese. AND SOMEONE WHO WASNT FUCKING VEGAN ATE ALL THE VEGAN CHEESE IM GENUINELY#SO PISSED OFF? like dude yall have your own cheese wtf#the thing is its already really hard for me to tell when i am actually hungry bc of years of ignoring it so when i actually feel it and ther#es nothing it really gets to me. im so tired and idek where my EBT card is to get myself something. its all just so much.#i just want to lay in my bed and sleep for days. but i cant. i have too much shit to do. like even just tomorrow i have to clean the#bathroom. mop the kitchen. do dishes. shovel snow. and just generally take.care of shit because since we have 2 roomates MIA right now and#no one else wanted to do shit i had to step up and i am STRUGGLING. i have been for a while. the thing is everyone that didnt sign up for sh#it didnt have much going on besides probable seasonal depression#i relapsed. have debilitating mental health. i can barely get out of bed before 4 pm. and i have to take care of myself and my cat.#im so close to snapping on them at this point#i need the one roommate i actually like to come back or i swear i will lose my shit. hes only been gone for 6 days but HOLY SHIT#everything has gone to shit#vent over ig im going to sleep soon. still hungry if i cant find something.
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im like slowly losing my mind thank god ill be in school in a month
#im so fucking excited to go to school. i love school#i had my tour today and while i was in a sour mood the entire time bc it was humid and i was hungry it did make me so excited to go#im so ready im ready for my academic journey to finally begin#especially since art school wasnt real school so basically i havent been to actual school in well over a year#and i have such good classes!!!!!!!! guys were so back
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