#they were so so so hungry today
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#they were so so so hungry today#one bit my ear lmao#pigeon#pigeon wednesdays#even though it's monday lol#pigeons#pigeon posting#pigeon feeding#feeding the birds
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Blue Son Boy.
#fe three houses#dimitri alexandre blaiddyd#ya know what this is my today art cause i slept and woke up hungry and its still like.... 2hrs min before we attempt to drive#so im unable to sleep cause my tummy is growling#and on top of that the upstairs people in the hotel were being noisy sooooo#gonna try to get a couple more hours of sleep but its a long shot
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theyre touching tails and looking at ducks together now. tomorrow they'll braid each other's hair and decorate it with kelp ribbons
#this is my canon#part of me imagines that garu had this floatie and lent it to yakumo for the trip#does yakumo know how to swim? we don't know?? best to be safe! TAKE THIS LIFE PRESERVING MELON#he busted into the room while blade and oli were lending yakumo beachwear LOL#where did duckeito come from#had i not already settled into fisheito. duckeito would have been an excellent alias......#the day after these two braid each other's hair#they'll do that thing that the whales and dolphins do with pack hunting#but it'll be the villagers. lure them farther out from shore.. then CHOMP em#but not actually. because these two wouldn't hurt people. 🙄#so i have to imagine them doing the pack hunting techniques but..like...to actually...help someone?#maybe they'll see that same sad kid that umi saved#and the kid is like :( no fish means no dinner :( i'm so hungry :(#and THEN these two suckers will pack hunt and make lots of fish wash ashore for the kid#and the kid's like yeaay!! i get to eat today!! thank you blue merman and long merman!!!#and yakumo's gonna eventually work up the courage to ask umi#if he feels weird about dooming other fish to the dinner plate#and umi's like *shrug* circle of life and all that. also fish yokai vs fish are pretty different i guess#and yakumo's like *sweat* if you say so (he will hesitate to eat fish for the remainder of the trip)#nu carnival yakumo#nu carnival umi#mirage of scales
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#YAAAAHAHHAAHAHAAAA!!! YOUUU thought the beginning of gen 5 would be SNIVY‚ did you?? well‚ you were MISTAKEN!!#if you want to see snivy‚ first you must take a spin on the ILLUSTRIOUS#V-WHEEEEEEEEEEEL!!!#victini#here we are‚ folks! the beginning of generation five‚ pokémon's “soft reset” as some folks call it#i dunno if it's true or not‚ but i do remember hearing that TPC attempted a bit of a reset with the pokémon franchise at gen 5#and it never really worked out. and that that's why you can only catch unova 'mons until the postgame#something like that. it's been a while since i heard the theory so that's just. like. what i remember about it#and i'm not gonna google it bc i am 1. lazy and 2. hungry bc i have not eaten today and it has been rough. so i'm going to eat something#after this goes into the queue. for reference it's like 8 PM
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I miss milk. And cheese.
And sleep...
Parenting is rewarding, but exhausting 😴
#both my girls ended up really sensitive to milk protiens when they were little#so ive been avoiding them entirely with my son#but almondmilk and dairy-free cheese just arent the same#and he eats every two hours#despite the fact that he could EASILY get by on every 3-4 hours instead#BUT#i was reminded this morning that sometimes#even when hes making his 'im hungry' cries#hes not actually hungry. sometimes he just needs to be held#so ill be trying that today#wish me luck 🙏#personal
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youtube
versailles - truth // look at him go!
#oh my god im so tired and it's so cold#and my alarm goes off in 40 minutes but i didn't queue a song! and i have a busy day#i have two fucking exams today oh my god#im not way too worried about either one tbh#im fucking wiped bro#i remember this song coming out actually bc i followed cnblue when they were signed to warner music japan at this time#i knew who versailles were i just didn't get into them until i was 22... so about 10 years#i don't think i would've properly appreciated this song in eighth grade i was here for tommy heavenly6 and code name blue#different vibes entirely#fucking hell im hungry too this is gonna be such a long day 😒🙄#versailles#kamijo#hizaki#idk who the rest of them are admittedly#j rock#visual kei#song rec#tbt#shut up kaily#Youtube
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when dad makes you dinner that sounds so good but you get home and eat it and it isnt
#dogs had no braincells today at work#i was overstimulated#new girl called off AGAIN#for like the 3rd suday in a row#IF YOU CANT WORK SUNDAYS JUST SAY ITTT#we dont care if you cant work em just tell ussss#so we were short staffed in teh morning so we were late to lunch#and i didnt get off work till nearly 7#n im hungry but the tamale pie is way too salty and i hate olives#n my favorite part#which is the cheese#wasnt scooped with this#i just wanted ot eat
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whoahghmm..... home and im so tuckered out
#today was a little stressful only because i still had to learn the university's layout because its really huge#and then i got on the bus really late because it didn't show up but at least i wasnt late (i was but my teacher didn't mind)#but the last subject was so stressful because i had to walk to the other side of the uni to get there and I didn't know that place well#i was 30 minutes late but teacher wasn't bothered and even if i missed a bit of the lesson- this was covered in my senior high so... im safe#travelling took awhile because nic and i took a detour to the mall and cool off there#then i got out of the bus sleepy and wobbling back and forth til home wuwuggwuu#lessons were ok tho :] ate lunch with my friend#i will nap now and play some gameplay or stageplay to fall asleep to#so glad i'm off tomorrow#im hungry but I can't muster the strength to get up and eat dude😩😩😩😩#irl banter
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fuck me.. work tonight was so draining like i suddenly remember why i moved into admin a few years ago now. let me never complain about my job again
#covering youth sessions ages me ten years every time#these 16something lads will continually condescend to me but i’m nothing if not sarcastic and stubborn - i WILL get that apology from them#lmaoooo#im exhausted but it wasn’t half bad overall tbh im just out of practice for youth work#it’s been years but the groups i used to have when i started were so much ‘worse’ behaved than these lot#they were just rowdy and hungry and petty#which yeah checks out 100000% for teen boys#stelle yaps#the group i’ve had for the last few years as i’ve gone into admin were so easy in that they were polite and mature - but the other#issues i was helping them with regarding da and healthy relationships#we’re not so easy but still it’s a totally different kettle of fish to what tonight was like#fucking food thrown all over 😭😭 like what a waste and kicking at the doors and the windows and shit#ugh anyway vent over it was fine and tomorrow im doing three hours of work before im off on holiday for a week!#also i should add it was a 12 hour work day today… like they couldn’t have picked a worse day for me 🙃
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I started watching yellowjackets and holy shit. This is it…it’s literally everything to me. It’s the feral girl rep we deserve. It’s feeding the haunted girl of my brain that made dirt potions and buried my Barbies in the dirt and sacrificed shit to the woods and was obsessed with my best friend (in a very gay way). I will never recover from this and I haven’t even finished season one.
#yellowjackets#shouting into the void again#truly my mom was not available for my rant and I need to work today so it’s going on tumblr#but like this show is feeding parts of me I didn’t know were so HUNGRY#like give me these fucked up traumatized women experiencing midlife crisises#like give me layers of symbolism with cannibalism for spice#like give me unhinged girlies go full feral in the woods#i’m obsessed#and I will never be the same again#also god the fact that tai is gay#like yes she is serving mentally unwell lesbian realness#it’s the toxic rep we need#I want to sink my teeth into this show
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I’m becoming who I’m meant to be, slowly.
I’m inhabiting my body as a home as I make it such that it is a home for me.
💖😌✨
Also it’s a lovely studio! Masks required, hepa filters running, quiet area, but still near a bus route, was quiet once some of the people left (my artist was also super surprised that all of the tables were in use when they arrived at the shop too!!) and even though we didn’t chat (they put in their faq basically that they often forget to chat so bring headphones or whatever to do while they work) it wasn’t awkward or anything. It felt like such a safe space and I adore it so much :) (and it’s more local to get to than the other one that I’m definitely also going to go back to too at some point hopefully this year) (yay local queer owned covid cautious studios!!!!!)
#shatters’ tattoos#shatters’ fragments#ok time to eat something else#bc it’s been a while since my last meal even if I took breaks while tattoo#had a juice box for the first break before we drew the plant in there#and then before we did my leg while they were printing out the design I had a granola bar and water#and then afterwards I had a chocolate bar and another juice box and water#and then for the buses home I just had some water between buses but considered if I wanted a fourth juice box today but I didn’t really#but now I’m a bit hungry#today was fucking WEIRD at first#like popping in real quick to work?!?#class!! which I’m actually SUPER EXCITED for and about its great so far#and then walked around with a classmate who’s probably now my friend and popped into a bookstore#but it was super hot by then too#so I went off to get close to the studio#and had sushi in the shade of the parking lot before walking over#and trying to like. drink water and stay hydrated before going in#was definitely intimidated by how many people were in the shop at first#they said that it was highly unusual for all chairs/tables to be in use at once#(and they own the place!!)#but it’s such a lovely and welcoming space tbh#I’ve been to the studio once before for a market#but this is the first time I’ve been while it’s set up as a tattoo studio (it’s usual use)#and it’s just so good 💖#truly made my day really nice at the end#finally got to cool down quite a bit once I was sitting still and then laying down for the tattoos#(…actually I’m a little annoyed I paid $9 for coffee this morning actually but alas anyway)#and it was just. SO NICE#similar vibes but like cozier than the other shop I go to#it has less tables and its more private and accessibility is a huge thing there
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annoyed with my roommate >:(
#B and I share pizzas but I need the pizzas more (safe food) and I buy most of them#so the rule is supposed to be that B keeps track of how many they eat vs how many I’ve bought and buys replacements#Ex: I bought 7 pizzas. B bought 3. B ate 5 pizzas; now B needs to buy 2 replacement pizzas.#this is a rule bc I have a lot of food restrictions and trauma around going hungry and B knows this. and B agreed to buy me replacements.#generally he’s been pretty good about it! but we were both leaving for trips this past weekend and I specifically asked him to replace#my pizzas bc I knew I was gonna be hungry when I got home#and he did not do that. so yesterday I ordered chipotle for dinner bc I could not go shopping bc energy GONE#and now I’m sitting here after class like >:( I wanted to eat lunch and now I can’t#I’ll go shopping after class today I’m just Annoyed. I’ve been spending a lot of money this week bc of trip and I can’t super afford to#order DoorDash or go shopping more than once a week. bc I am unemployed and living off of savings rn.#*screams*#and now I’m sitting here trying to find foods I can eat and reassure myself that it’s okay and I won’t starve#bc body is convinced that me being hungry means that I’m gonna be hungry for a long time#I’m gonna go make some popcorn. I ate the pumpkin brownies Beck gave me so that helps.#I wish I’d thought to ask Hobbs for the leftover pizza slices from Saturday night. ah well.#I’m safe and I will be able to buy groceries after class and I will eat dinner and I’m not in trouble for needing food#it’s okay
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it's hard to have a good day like, mentally and emotionally but a bad day physically.
it's REALLY hard to do that twice in a row but we're going to try.
#i'm not doing the bit this time sorry#the POTS has been POTSing all over the place and i had to take a shower#so what *wasn't* THAT bad before is now VERY BAD and i'm like...#i'm nauseous i don't want to eat anything i can feel the pain starting so i do need to eat SOMETHING so i can take meds#but the concept of both making AND eating food is daunting and also gross feeling simultaneously#my heart is just constantly pounding and i haven't had any caffeine yet today#so my concerns that it was the monster making my shower reactions worse is absolutely not the case#because i'm fucking sitting here shaking like i just survived a car crash all due to having#*checks notes*#woken up made my bed and taken a shower. that's IT. that is ALL i have done so far#and i am trembling and shaking and weak and nauseous like i'm in shock or something this is BULLSHIT#i think i'm hungry too is the other problme i don't know for sure due ot the aforementioned other factors#so i bet eating would help a lot here#god i hate this so much right now i'm so mad#i had to dream about my family and being ignored and there were WILD swings between feeling horrible and feeling like things were improving#and i wouldn't be shocked if the symptoms i was having in my dream were happening in real time in my actual body too#i hate htis i hate htis i hate this#water salt compression socks WHAT ABOUT WHEN THAT'S NOT ENOUGH HUH? WHAT THEN??? DO I JUST GOTTA LIVE LIKE THIS?????#*fuck* i'm so angry rn. and sad. i think i'm going to let myself cry and see what happens
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Despite all odds, I have arrived home safely👍
Turns out that the earlier goop was the better goop. The adderall goop. The adderall has worn off now though. So I am. Very incredibly out of it.
But I am home. And I will take my quick shower. And then I will climb into bed.
I do need to eat. But... later...
#speculation nation#im the special kind of tired where im more tired than hungry#which is to say my every cell is yelling at me to get some fucking sleep.#and i dont think id be much more successful at eating rn than i was this morning.#i ate. half a can of chef boyardee. which was half bc i was so focused on typing and half bc i could barely stomach it.#so i at least ate Something. but not as much as normal.#i did have an ensure in the middle of the day. so theres some nutrients too at least.#i'll eat after i get a few hours of sleep. when the edge is no longer so desperate.#and hopefully i'll be able to stomach things better then.#honestly have all nighters always been this hard or am i just getting older? i havent actually pulled an all nighter since uhhh#well there was kind of one on dead dad day. but that day sucked just in general.#last time i think was april '23 when i read t.rimax volume 9-14 within a 24 hour period while also finishing a final presentation.#even then tho i got like 2 hours of sleep. it was still pretty rough though.#like ok i guess those times were pretty awful and also i did get at least some sleep. which is more than today.#so it makes sense for me to be in worse shape rn. i also didnt get as much sleep the night before last as i wanted to#i got... ...maybe 4 hours sleep??? ummm. which isnt a good thing actuslly. no wonder im so fucking exhausted.#i can barely type right now i will be honest. it was so hard to bike home. it took all my focus to not drive off a bridge#or get pushed into traffic by wind. oh boy the wind sure did try.#then i almost tripped down the stairs at my apartment after grabbing the mail bc i Briefly was focused on my mail 🙄#barely present. total mess. but at least im home. and i already did all the thinking i need to do today.#i was brave. i perservered. i was tempted to give up around 6 am ish but i was like No. this is getting done TODAY.#so i did it. i turned it in. and i so bravely did my in class work for my 2nd class. even though i was so mentally not present the whole way#i did my thinking... i am home... rest soon.#actually its kind of funny im lying on my couch rn and i think if most other ppl were in my current state theyd fall asleep right here.#but the power of my insomnia is so. powerful. i am not at risk of falling asleep without meaning to.#only time thats ever actually happened are like. a handful of times i was like. the most tired ive ever been in my life. etc etc.#in fact idk how well i'll be able to fall asleep for my nap. i certainly couldnt last night despite how hard i tried.#hopefully this time... i am truly tired enough....pls i need to rest i am so tired 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
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Today my curtain rod broke by itself, my wifi was out the whole afternoon delaying my work, I realized too late I was out of food for dinner and when I ordered food they said it'll be late because they don't know where their delivery person is,,,
#poteto venting#please it's 9pm i'm so hungry#today is not a good potato day#also my cats were fighting so i put one of them in a room and now the other one is crying
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rediscovering I have empathy? craaaazyyyyy
#beanie babbles#okay so this is gonna be a vent post but all in the yags#tw pet death#tw death#i hope dont think this is ablest language but its not precise language#Here we go#I never really doubted I have a capacity for empathy. It can be kind of hit or miss- amd even when I dont understand I try to be compassion#-ate. all that good stuff blah blah#Whats a lot more accurate to say is I dont really feel bad for dead people#I'll feel bad at the idea of somone dying maybe. I dont want living people to suffer and die just because.#I get upset when my friends are suicidal or when somone goes out and kills other people or even when a fictional charecter dies sometimes#but the mourning isnt about their death. it sucks that i cant hang out with them any more or that they cant experiance shit any more#but im not crying at a casket#But I did cry when I found my housemates pet bird limp on the floor of the cage today- the other one not seeming to even realize#This is the second time. The first one the birds were closer and the loving one wouldnt stop making noise tryong to get our attention#this one didnt mind as much- was just hungry and looking for some more feed. The feeders were empty and water gross#I stay with the birds every day and make sure they get excerize and enrichment because my housemate cant do that part#but i dont check the nessicities#so that was a shock. I refilled the food compartment after taking the dead bird out and putting them in a box#I dont think thats why they died. These birds have their wongs clipped before purchase and cant flay very well at all#But this bird practiced and was able to get a lot of height and distance as feathers grew back. But didnt know how to stop#Constantly crashing into floors and walls. Thats the main culprit I think#Its just weird that I cry easier over birds and fictional charecters and material things than my family. I feel guilty about it#Not that guilty i got all that angst out in 2020#vent post#not really actually this turned into an explination of events more#anyway#the actual post had nothing to do w9th anything bru
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