#they thought i was missing
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i’ve been hiding in trees and bushes to avoid people for almost my entire life, and i have the instinctual reaction to freeze, and stay completely still (excluding breathing). i can do this for upwards of 20 minutes without struggle if i know someone’s nearby and looking for me.
with this knowledge, i can say, with certainty, that the ranger method of “just stay still” is incredibly effective in almost every situation. not necessarily to the point they play it up to in the books, but it genuinely does work.
just curl up, wear clothes that don’t clash with the environment, don’t be where they expect, and
don’t.
fucking.
move.
avoid being at eye height if you can, but i once made direct eye contact with someone who was looking for me in the forest and they skipped straight past me anyways because they were looking for a moving, breathing, person, not a statue.
#ranger's apprentice#rangers apprentice#stealth#my camp leaders once had to blow the whistle during hide and seek#they thought i was missing#i was like#fifteen feet away#curled under a tree#they thought i’d fallen in the pond#but no#i was just born to avoid people#and hide in forests#it scared the shit out of them when i just#emerged#from the woods like a wraith#covered in mud from lying on the ground
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#intimate#affection#baby#couple#craving intimacy#craving this#craving you#desire#heavy breathing#i miss you#intense#kiss my neck#k!nk blog#k!nk community#k!nky thoughts#k!nks#k!nky girl#bd/sm kink#bd/sm daddy#bd/sm community#bd/sm blog
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#intimate#affection#baby#couple#craving intimacy#craving this#craving you#desire#heavy breathing#i miss you#intense#kiss my neck#k!nk blog#k!nk community#k!nky thoughts#k!nks#k!nky girl#bd/sm kink#bd/sm daddy#bd/sm community#bd/sm blog
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lead balloon (the tumblr post that saved me)
if this comic resonated with you, it would mean the world to me if you donated to this palestinian family's escape fund.
--
no creative notes because this isn't that kind of comic.
I know I don’t owe any of you anything but I still felt compelled to write about my long term absence. And I feel far enough away from the dangerous spot I was in to be able to make this comic. I have a therapist now, and she agreed that making this could be a very cathartic gesture, and the start of properly leaving these thoughts behind me. I am still, at seemingly random times, blindsided by fleeting desires to kill myself. They’re always passing urges, but it’s disarming, and uncomfortable. I worry sometimes that my brain’s spent so long thinking only about suicide that it’s forgotten how to think about anything else. Like, now that I've opened that door for myself, I'll never be able to fully shut it again. But I’m trying my best to encourage my mind in other directions. We'll see how that goes.
I am still donating all proceeds from my store to Palestinian causes. So far, I've donated over $15K, not including donations coming from my own pocket or the fundraising streams which jointly raised around $10K. In the time since I made my initial post about where this money would be going, the focus has shifted from aid organisations to directly donating to escape funds.
If you'd like to do the same, you can look at Operation Olive Branch, which hosts hundreds of Palestinian escape funds or donate to Safebow, which has helped facilitate the safe crossing and securing of important medical procedures for over 150 at-risk palestinians since the beginning of the genocide.
#cw: suicidal ideation#cw: suicide#cw: self harm#cw: mental health#cw: depression#i made the balloon the main representation of my self destructive urges for a reason but im not going to explain it#i tried to keep a lot of the details in this vague#it would be my worst nightmare if this comic encouraged someone to hurt themselves#so. please dont#for a long time even the thought of making this comic felt so insipid and narcissistic#with the state of the world as it is#having the only threat to your life be yourself felt so privileged and trite and shameful#but doing this comic made me sit down and process things in full#and im just. very grateful i didn't give in to my thoughts back when i sincerely felt i'd be more useful to the world dead#i also feel the need to say that this wont represent everyone's battle with mental illness. its unfortunately different for all of us#there is no fix-all#and im afraid this might be one of those comics that either resonates a lot or misses the target by a mile#i made it for myself foremost. and now that its done im glad i did it#thank you for reading#and please stay alive#stillindigo art#stillindigo comics
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couldnt draw my thang for mid-autumn so treated myself to a calne redesign instead
#calne ca#hatsune miku#VOCALOID#cw: body horror#<- And I Fucking Mean That We Are Not Fucking Around Today#well we are. as in I drew this as a fuckaround treat for myself#but the body horror tag is the most warranted its ever been on this blog#ask to tag#I am as ever on my journey to make calne ca Worse. her OG version is too cool. even the crab ver is too cool#I need her to be worse to look at. I am also getting myself into to mood to test my hand at boarding a pmv for my friend's cover#I think my thought for this was ''I should try and give her a more insectoid bodyplan''#which in this mostly means gently three-part body and six limbs (my favourite amount of limbs to draw rn)#actually almost gave her eight but didnt like how that silhouette came out so I mermaided her uh. abdomen I guess#though maybe next time I do this I should push that idea more. the head and torso are still very distinct for one unified part#I feel like one of my old attempts was onto something with like. a more horizontal body plan... well! live and learn etc#happy late mid autumn I guess. I should play with touys about it... I miss model kits. mayhaps...
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This is my unethical polycule. The nonmonogamy is consensual and negotiated we're just evil in other ways.
#i thought about putting this on my main bc that's where i usually put my funnyman posts#but then I'd miss the joke of this coming from user astrid-beck#this is a blumendrei post but sorry for implying they negotiate their polyamory#critical role#blumendrei
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You think FNAF Helpy misses Michael sometimes?
#myart#chloesimagination#comic#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#fnaf fanart#michael afton#helpy#fnaf vanny#fnaf vanessa#security breach#fnaf pizzeria simulator#you guys think helpy misses Michael post pizza sim#I like to consider helpy basically Michael’s son#just his lil guy#and I find it REALKY interesting how helpy exists AFTER pizza sim#and are seemingly really important#he finds solace in going to Vanessa for comfort#she also wears a mask after all#but I sniffe and sob at the thought helpy may miss Michael
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i. The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath, Sylvia Plath / ii. As Consciousness Is Harnessed to Flesh: Journals and Notebooks 1964-1980, Susan Sontag / iii. Suddenly, It's December, Margaux Paul / iv. Waiting for This Story to End Before I Begin Another, Jan Heller Levi / v. The Picture of Dorian Gray, Oscar Wilde / vi. The Letters of Gustave Flaubert: 1830-1857, Gustave Flaubert / vii. unknown / viii. @inanotherunivrse / ix. @violentcherries / x. Heaven, Mieko Kawakami (thank u @aworsening for attaching the sources)
#grief#the solace of missing you#losing you was horrible#losing myself was worse#i am chained up inside myself#web writing#web weaving#word weaving#spilled words#words words words#words#spilled thoughts#spilled poetry#actually bpd#bpd#dealing with grief#grief poetry
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Text me whenever you think of me, I like that.
#feelings#emotions#spilled thoughts#text#spilled words#love#i miss you#literature#light acamedia#words#quotes#dark acamedia#books and reading#chipsy
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#death of a pet#animal loss#pet loss#rainbow bridge#pet memorial#pets of tumblr#pet lovers#love#grief#dealing with grief#rip#death#dogs#dogs lover#heaven#heartbroken#rest in peace#goodbye#reblog#quotes#likeall#my photos#memory loss#memories#loss#i miss you#likes#sad thoughts#i will always love you#life quotes
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𝐈 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐬𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐜𝐡 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐢𝐧 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐈’𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐫𝐲 𝐭𝐨 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐬𝐨𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐰𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫.
excerpts from a book I’ll never write
#aesthetic#poetry#poets corner#writing#poets on tumblr#quotes#art#life#poem#poetscommunity#spilled writing#spilled poetry#spilled words#spilled thoughts#spilled ink#love and life#in another universe#relationship#maybe in another life#afterlife#forgive and forget#time has no meaning#in the stars#past quotes#life quotes#love quotes#seperation#breakup#gone too soon#i miss you
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Kinda obsessed with headcanon, where Damian and Jason just randomly (out of nowhere, completely unprompted) start to referring to their shared past in the League in the middle of the family conversations, while everyone just stare at them in concern
Like
Jason, staring at Dick, trying to put Tim's shoulder back: huh, do you remember that one time-
Damian, instantly: when grandfather's shoulder relocated by itself, but instead of properly putting in on its place, he killed himself and mother threw him in the Lazarus Pit?
Jason, cackling: it was hilarious
Damian, no less amused: right?
Bruce, sitting behind them: (concerned sips of tea)
Or, it is not necessarily funny, but it just cute (or sad) details, regarding each other that others are confused about.
Jason, who accidentally fell asleep in the Batcave: (instinctively cards through his hair as he naps)
Tim, teasing: ladies and gentlemen, the criminal lord of the year--
Damian: Drake, bluntly, that's not funny. Back when he was out of the Pit, this was the only thing that could help him to calm down.
Dick, knowing that this is because Bruce constantly stroked Robin!Jason's hair, when he saw nightmares, with eyes full of tears: oh
Jason on the random Friday night, trying to be less awkward about staying with Bruce in one room: actually, Damian's first word was my name
Bruce: really?
Jason: he had, uh, problems with saying his first word. People around him were constantly speaking on both language at the same time, and, I guess, he couldn't figure out what to say. Then, Ra's said that if his heir doesn't get his word in the next two weeks, he will throw him in the Lazarus Pit (as a joke), but I wasn't sure if it was a joke (Talia said later it was), and I panicked, and since Talia wasn't around, I just kept repeating him her name, or just word Mother, but he just, uh, wouldn't say anything - kept blinking and staring at me like a little idiot. And then on a random night, he just grabbed me by the hair, and said, Jason. Food. And he kinda spoke properly since then. Like in full sentences and stuff. I think he just didn't want to speak with us, actually--
Bruce, getting grey hair out of nowhere: RA'S SAID WHAT--
And sometimes they just speak in Arabic, and Damian keeps bullying Jason that his skills are getting rustier.
#i just miss my blorbos#kids struggling with first words when having a multilanguage surroundings so REAL#i was silent until i was like 4-5 bc i was taught three languages at the same time#then on a random night got annoyed and spoke in the whole sentence all while my family thought i was mute or something#never shut up since then tbh#dc universe#dcu#dcu comics#jason todd#red hood#damian wayne#robin#bruce wayne#batman#batfam#batfamily#dick grayson#tim drake
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#intimate#affection#baby#couple#craving intimacy#craving this#craving you#desire#heavy breathing#i miss you#intense#kiss my neck#k!nk blog#k!nk community#k!nky thoughts#k!nks#k!nky girl#bd/sm kink#bd/sm daddy#bd/sm community#bd/sm blog
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who can give me this kind of pleasure....
#intimate#affection#baby#couple#craving intimacy#craving this#craving you#desire#heavy breathing#i miss you#intense#kiss my neck#k!nk blog#k!nk community#k!nky thoughts#k!nks#k!nky girl#bd/sm kink#bd/sm daddy#bd/sm community#bd/sm blog
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The foxhole court, chapter five
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First books monsters were something really.
On an aftg reread, which is very useful to survive school these days. Currently into the raven king, i'll make more fanart cause this brings me so much joy (which - idk what it tells about my mental state). If you have suggestions on what I should draw next I'm taking em.
#aftg#all for the game#the foxhole court#tfc#nora sakavic#neil josten#matt boyd#andrew minyard#andreil#aaron minyard#nicky hemmick#kevin day#the monsters#they're interesting alright#neils relation with the foxes starts eaaarly i forgot#yesterday i reread that moment where neil looks at andrew after his talk with nicky#and hes like nope no thats the last turn my thoughts should take#theyre funny#i missed them#MUSE PROPAGANDA (this is an art tag)
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growing up!
#FALLS TO THE FLOOR!!!!#so shocking news: the silver artbook actually killed me a little. this is the first finished pic ive made since#wow isnt it crazy that 26 completed illustrations would kinda take it outta ya. bananas. i need to Not do a full bg again for a minute#i had the stupid thought like 'oohhgh i could do a series of silver and lilia as hes growing up!!' im HITTING ME!!! NO MORE SERIES!!!#I CAN DO NON-RELATED PICS OF THAT IF I MUST!!! THE PRESSURE OF A SERIES IS TOO TIRING RN!!!!#my life is a whirlwind i JUST moved and now might need to move again bc id make a ton more#im trying to sell my house and its going very poorly. im doing well at work. ID HAFTA MOVE ACROSS THE COUNTRY AGAIN#ID BE BACK NOOOORTH id go to pennsylvania <3 im from new york so the thought of being closer to my mom is rly nice#and i have friends there both from high school and ohiiiio and new england etc etc!!!! YAY!!!#twst#twisted wonderland#twst silver#lilia vanrouge#suntails#did u miss this. be honest. when i vanish for months at a time do u miss the rambling life updates. theyre who i am
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