#they need a sitcom forget the reality show

[infamous-if]

I love how you can't stop yourself from adding comedy when the band is involved! Love their dynamic and the snippets xo

I genuinely can't help it. The band has never been Serious ever in their life.

well aside from breakupgate......but who cares about that right so irrelevant <3

[misteria247]

So I'm going to ramble a bit cuz I've been noticing that there's a lot of split opinions on Timmy Turner that rage from people adoring him flaws and all to people thinking that he's a little shit. So I decided to throw in my thoughts cuz it's been awhile since I've analyzed a character and I've got some thoughts fam lol. Please don't take this personally cuz this is just my opinion.

I think one of the main reasons why Timmy gets such a mixed reaction from fans is because a lot of his actual story is played like a sitcom. It's not placed in a more serious way, though there are moments where it is, it's quickly glossed over. If you take away the sitcom setting and the attempts of comedy and whatnot you actually get a rather horrible reality for this 10 year old boy. And with it suddenly a lot of his actions and attitude makes a lot more sense.

Timmy when introduced is a 10 year old. He's a child but he's also old enough to know the basics of right and wrong. Much like any kid. He gets his fairy godparents, Cosmo and Wanda because he was deemed to be a child in need of help. This whole scenario is played for laughs and whatnot but like, Timmy's life is actually horrid. He's abused by his babysitter, is tormented by school bullies, is essentially harassed by his teacher and is neglected by his own parents. This is his every day life, from the moment he was old enough to understand this was what he was exposed to and forced to accept. In a way Timmy was forced to grow up a bit faster because of it but not to a point where he completely lost the magic of childhood. When you think about this in a more serious way, things start to click together more.

Timmy's behavior when he gets snappy or creates mischief is a way to get attention from his parents. It's not a good kind but it's something. Or when he acts cold and selfishly, while it could be chalked up to being a kid, I could also argue that he might have actually learned it. Cause who else in his life puts their wants and desires before others? Who else doesn't think about the consequences of their actions and how it'd effect others? Who else ignores other people's thoughts and feelings when it comes to things?

His parents.

Timmy's parents do this shit constantly. From leaving him with abusive babysitters, to not really interacting with him, to making jabs about how their dreams died when he was born to a bunch of other shitty things. They forget to feed him and always criticize him, they're always jumping at the chance to essentially get away from him. All these things are things Timmy's witnessed and has been on the receiving end of for a decade. And never once does his parents really suffer any consequences. It's a known fact that children watch their parents and absorb information from it. Timmy's behaviors can very well be behaviors he unintentionally learned from them. Which is so sad because whenever Timmy's not acting like this, it's quite clear that he's actually incredibly different.

It becomes clear that Timmy's actually incredibly kind.

There's so many moments where he shows his kindness. From lending Cosmo and Wanda to Tootie, to helping fairies in Fairy World to literally giving his fairies the baby they always wanted to saving the whole world several times with little hesitation. Timmy at his core is a kind boy, but due to his home life and its constant reminders of the people in his life not wanting him. (Hell there was a whole ass episode about the world being better if he hadn't been born, like can you imagine that, it's fucking awful-). So in a way Timmy hides that kindness and rarely shows it because of these things.

Which is why Cosmo and Wanda and eventually Peri are so fucking important.

Cosmo and Wanda from the very beginning where different from everyone else. These fairies while granting some reckless and dangerous wishes, have always had Timmy's best interests in mind. Cosmo and Wanda are the positive influences that Timmy desperately needs, the adults that he actually needs to help encourage and push him towards the right direction. Cosmo and Wanda are always in Timmy's corner, even when he's made a mistake, and are always there to catch him and remind him that he's loved and wanted. In one episode where Timmy sneaks into his godparents castle, at the end when they're putting the picture of Maryann back into the hall of infamy, Timmy's first reaction is to apologize and believe that because he'd made this one mistake that he'd end up there with the other bad kids. Only to immediately be told no, baffling Wanda and Cosmo with the very idea of it.

It's things like this that help Timmy grow and feel comfortable with making mistakes. Cuz what he thought isn't exactly a normal thing. They help Timmy in so many ways and grow to love him as their very own cuz when Timmy allows himself to be well himself he's a rather endearing kid. It's no surprise they get so attached.

There's a lot of other things that I've got in my noggin but I just wanted to say these things for the time being. Maybe I'll update on this later lol.

[afictionaladventure16]

Ahh im a sucker for angst😭i think pedro would be the most amazing dad but maybe a fic where reader was an unplanned kid and pedro never paid that much attention to her ?? Happy ending if you can i love your writing !

Did You Forget? (Pedro Pascal x Daughter!Reader)

A/N: I'm a sucker for angst too!!! Hope you enjoy this!

A/A/N: Also, for everyone, Don't quote me on where his sister lives or anything like that, I do not know and do not wish to know for their privacy. It's all fiction, so not everything is gonna be realistic.

Word Count: 5,283

Pedro Pascal Masterlist

Warnings: mentions of self harm, depression, and panic attacks.

“I think I’d rather stay home,” you said to your Tia Javeria, you sat down on your bed in protest. You were being sent to spend the day with your dad while he did a press junket for his newest show The Last of Us, you had gotten out of school early for this. Much to your protest, your tia thought it was a good idea for you to spend some quality time with him since you really only saw him in the summers when you spent your summer vacation in New York with him. 

Throughout the school year, you stayed in California with your Tia Javeria. Your dad thought it would be wise for you to have a stable environment, rather than constantly being on the road for filming or switching schools because you would have to stay with Javeria. So, in reality, Javeria had full custody over you, it wasn’t something that was through the court, it was just an agreement between the siblings. 

What did this mean? You didn’t see your dad too often. Of course, he stayed in California from time to time, he had his own house here, but even then you never stayed with him. 

“Y/N, we’ve already spoken about this,” Javeria said, walking into your room to put some clothes away. 

You did speak about it, well, she spoke and you listened. Javeria didn’t like seeing her brother neglect his only daughter and well, although Pedro was a family man, he treated his daughter like she was never there. Javeria could never understand why he did it and if she tried to call him out on it, he denied the fact that he was doing it. 

She thought that maybe she was overreacting, but it was hard to ignore the facts. 

You let out a deep sigh, your dad played a good father on T.V. but it hurt that he couldn’t actually play your father in real life. “Does it even matter at this point?” You asked. 

“Does what even matter?” 

“Trying to build something that obviously isn’t there.” 

Javeria sighed, “He’s trying.” 

You shrugged, “I still think he’s just doing it to give him a good image.” You heard the doorbell ring. 

“That’s him,” Javeria stated, “I really need you to try, Y/N.” 

You wanted to say something clever or petty, but you kept your mouth shut. You respected your tia too much to say it, but you couldn’t help but feel hopeless. Javeria was the only true parent that you had in your life right now and it was sad for you to admit it. 

Following Javeria to the front door, you stood off to the side as you watched your dad greet his sister with a big hug. “There she is!” He exclaimed, “You ready? We can’t be late.” 

You gave him a nod, walking up to your tia for her to kiss you on the cheek. You didn’t receive a hug like she did, but you were used to it. You walked past your dad and towards his car that was in the driveway. 

“Be easy on her,” Javeria began, “She’s had a rough week.” 

Pedro sighed, “You say that every time I pick her up.” She gave her brother a sincere look, “Just stating the facts. I’ll bring her back around six.” 

The drive to the press Junket was quiet, your dad played the radio as he drove, not saying a word to you. 

Not a ‘How was your day?’ 

Or a ‘How’s softball going, kiddo?’ 

Nothing like the dads on those sitcoms. 

Nothing like the dad in your dreams. The one that would actually be present in your life. 

Maybe it was hard for people to ask how you are or to even make conversation. 

Once you arrived at your dads' press junket, you watched your dad be swept away by a makeup artist. 

“Y/N!” his manager said walking up to you, “so good to see you! How you’ve been?” Or maybe it wasn’t that hard at all. 

“Okay,” you said with a small smile. 

“Come on, I’ve got to introduce you to Bella!” You knew who Bella was, well, you knew about them. You’ve never met them before, but you’ve heard stories, mostly from your father, and boy did he speak so highly of them. “Bella!” Scott called out, you watched as Bella walked towards the two of you. “Bella, this is Y/N, Pascal’s daughter!” 

“Pascal’s daughter?” Bella questioned, but then a second later realization struck. “Oh, I totally forgot Pedro has a daughter! It’s so nice to meet you!” 

You forced a smile on your face, even though deep inside you were breaking. Here was Bella, they were the ones that you felt replaced you. They were the ones that your father spoke so highly about as if it was his own child. Yet, you were so forgettable, why? Because you knew your father didn’t speak so highly about you. 

“It’s nice to meet you too,” you smiled. 

“Are you excited to see the show?” They asked. 

“Uh- yeah, I mean, I’m a big fan of the game.” 

“Oh yeah, Pedro told me you were,” They said. Someone began calling for Bella, it was time for their interview. They said a quick See you later before walking off. You walked over to the side and saw that your father was already sitting down on a chair next to Bella’s. 

Over the next few minutes, you watched as your father spoke among side Bella in an interview. You couldn’t help but feel jealous as your father laughed with Bella the way you wished he did with you. 

“Pedro, what made you take this role?” 

He laughs, “my nephews actually, they’re huge fans of the show and well, when I told them about the part they told me I had to take it.” 

You felt like your memories were lies, you remembered how your dad got the part and that moment was one of the only moments in which you felt like your dad actually cared. Now it was taken from you. All the moments you had left were from you were younger and you didn’t know how much longer you could hold onto them because you felt them slipping away. 

One of the crew told everyone to take a break while they set up for the next interview. You felt anger boiling up inside you, you couldn’t handle this any longer. You couldn’t handle watching Bella talk with your dad the way you wish you could or how he treated you the way you wished to be treated. It was all too much. 

“We have about fifteen minutes-” Your dad began to say to you, but you quickly pushed past him. “Y/N?” He called out. 

You ignored him, making your way towards the hallway, but Bella stepped in front of you, “Hey, Y/N, everything okay?” 

“How about you just stop stealing other people’s dads and maybe everything will be okay!” you snapped. You couldn’t believe that you snapped like that, it wasn’t your character and for a moment you felt embarrassed. 

“Y/N!” your dad yelled. 

But that embarrassment was quickly replaced with anger again. You ignored your dad as you walked into the hallway and out of the building. You heard the door open behind you, “What the hell is wrong with you?!” your dad exclaimed. 

“Me? What the hell is wrong with me!?” You yelled. “How about, what the hell is wrong with you!?” Your dad rolled his eyes, “You know what, forget it! I didn’t even want to be here today.” 

“Fine,” He snapped, “I told Javeria this was a bad idea anyway!” He pulled out his phone. 

“I fucking knew it! I knew you never wanted to spend time with me!” The anger took over and you didn’t try to stop it. 

“Well, how could I!? You’re so impossible to deal with!” He yelled. 

“Then it’s your fucking lucky day because you won’t have to deal with it much longer! I’m leaving!” you began walking away. 

“Don’t expect me to run after you,” He said. 

“I don’t!” you heard him sigh and then you heard the sound of the door opening and closing. He wasn’t running after you and you felt okay with that, for the moment. You walked yourself over to the bus stop, your adrenaline still running in your veins. Anger still boiling, you wanted to punch a wall or a tree, but you knew it wasn’t the wisest thing to do. 

The bus didn’t take long to arrive and luckily you had enough change in your pocket to make it home. Well, you had enough to go to the stop near your home. 

Your mind wandered to what had just happened with your dad, was it even worth calling him dad at this point? Because he didn’t feel like a father. 

A father was someone who was there for your children and he wasn’t. 

Well, he was, but then he wasn’t. He stopped. It felt like Thanos had snapped his fingers on your earth and your father turned to dust, only, he didn’t turn to dust, he just stopped showing up. 

He wasn’t there for your award ceremonies anymore, or any of your games. 

The spot next to your tia was now filled with a black silhouette in which you imagined him there. You began to see him more and more on the television and less and less in your own life. Sure, you were happy for him to achieve his dream, but at what cost? 

Well, your dad was the cost. 

You didn’t have your mother anymore, she died when you were young. The both of you had been involved in a drunk driver accident, which left you without a mother and soon without a father. You were left without a visible scar, but the doctors forgot to check about the invisible damage that could’ve been done. 

Did anyone think to check about the invisible damage? No. Now it felt like a dam being held together with tape. 

You felt the bus come to a stop, your stop. You got off and walked the rest of the way to Javeria’s house, your house. Once you arrived, you walked in, Javeria was surprised to see you home so soon and she had expected to see her brother follow a second after you, but was met with a door slam. 

“Y/N?” she asked as she got up from her spot on the couch, she watched as you tossed your keys into the dish on the coffee table. 

“Stop trying,” you said softly, tears in your eyes. “Please.” 

“What happened?” you just shook your head, walking up to your room and slamming the door once again. Javeria had a feeling what had happened, maybe she had meddled a little too much this time. She just wanted to see her brother and niece interact the way they used to. 

A couple of hours later, Javeria was met with a knock at the door. When she opened it, she saw her brother on the porch looking angry. “Is she here?” Javeria nodded as Pedro walked in, “You wouldn’t believe what your niece did, she snapped at Bella-” 

“Your daughter,” she corrected. 

“What?” 

“You said your niece when you should’ve said your daughter.” 

Pedro pinched the bridge of his nose, “She embarrassed me Javeria.” 

She shook her head, “For some reason, I don’t blame her for what she did.” 

“What?” Pedro asked in a confused manner. 

She sighed, “Pedro, don’t you see it?” 

“See what?” 

“You’re fucking loosing her, dammit! Ever since her mother died, you’ve acted like she doesn’t even exist for fucks sake!” She exclaimed. 

Pedro knew what he was doing. Was he doing it purposely? Kind of. Well, at first he wasn’t but then the pain of seeing you and being reminded every single day of what happened, he just couldn’t help it. He didn’t want a reminder of that day, and he didn’t want to hurt you either, but he didn’t stop himself. 

“She already doesn’t have a mom and now she feels like she doesn’t even have a dad. Fuck, Pedro, she lives with me. She only sees you a good three months out of the year! Do you even know that she has to go to therapy? And it’s not just because of the accident, but it’s because she feels like you don’t love her.” 

“Javeria-” 

“No, you need to listen to me because you keep shutting me out when I tell you this. She needs her father back. She needs you, Pedro. I’m trying my best to keep her from falling apart but she’s slipping through my hands.” 

Pedro’s heart began to race, and he sat down on the couch, head in his hands, “I didn’t mean to push her away.” 

“But you did. You pushed her so far away, she’s in a different state.” 

Pedro looked up at his sister with tears in his eyes, “She has to go to therapy because of me? Why didn’t you-” 

“I tried telling you.” 

Pedro didn’t argue with her on that because she was right. He had shut her out when it came to things about you. He didn’t want to hear it, he felt like knowing anything about you was too much pain because he saw more and more of your mom in you. 

“She even started self-harming at one point, we had to hide the knives and anything that she could potentially hurt herself with. She was a mess at one point and I somehow brought her back but I don’t know for how long.” Javeria had a lot to say and she finally was able to get it off her chest. “She needs her dad, Pedro and you’ve been acting like you don’t even want her.” 

“Fuck!” He exclaimed as he got up from the couch, “What do I do?” 

“Talk to her, Pedro, and actually talk to her.” 

Pedro nodded, “alright.” He made his way up the stairs and towards your room. He was about to knock when he heard voices on the other side of the door. He leaned his ear against the door. 

“I don’t know, Marciela,” he heard you say. “Sometime’s it feels like I’m just invisible.” He didn’t hear anything for a few seconds. “Maybe you’re right,” he heard you sigh. “Do you ever think about how things would be if you didn’t exist?” you stayed quiet for a moment, “Sometimes I think my dad would be happier if I didn’t exist,” you choked out. 

“I fucked up,” Pedro whispered to himself. He stepped away from the door. He couldn’t do it. He needed time to think first. He walked back down the stairs, “I-I…” he began, “I’m gonna pick her up from school tomorrow,” he then stated. 

“What happened?” 

“I just need to think,” he said as he left the house. 

~~ 

“Sometimes I think my dad would be happier if I didn’t exist,” you choked out. 

“Y/N, don’t say that,” Marciela softly said. She had been your best friend since elementary and she has always been the first person you called when you needed someone to just listen. 

“It feels like it,” you shrugged. “You should’ve seen the way he was with her, Mar.” 

“Things are gonna get better, Y/N. Just remember how he used to be.” 

“It just makes me feel worse,” you said. She sighed, you heard someone calling her name on the other end, “Is that your mom?” 

“Yeah, I have to go, I’ll see you at school tomorrow okay?” 

“Alright.” You ended the call. 

You spent the rest of the night in your room, Javeria checked on you multiple times and although you protested, you promised to keep the door open throughout the night. Just for her to feel like you weren’t doing anything that meant hurting yourself. 

The next day at school felt like any other day. You met up with Marciela at lunch and filled her in on what had happened after the call. When the lunch bell rang, you and Marciela walked together to your next class, you were lucky to have most classes with her. 

“Well, if it isn’t little Miss Pascal,” you heard a voice say from behind you. You rolled your eyes as you turned to face Jenna. Believe it or not, the duo was once a trio. Jenna was you and Marciela’s best friend up until middle school. “I saw your daddy on HBOmax last night.” 

“Please don’t call him that,” you cringed. 

She rolled her eyes, “It’s funny how he plays the father role so well on T.V. but when it comes to real life,” she chuckles, “doesn’t it make you jealous?” 

It did, but you weren’t gonna give her that satisfaction. “I don’t know, does it make you jealous that I at least have a dad?” 

“Y/N,” Marciela warned. 

“What did you say?” Jenna asked. 

“Did I stutter?” you asked Marciela before looking back over at Jenna, “I said does it make you jealous that I at least have a dad because you know, you’re dad left before you were even born.” Jenna glared at you, “Hey, you already know I’d fight back, but I never said I’d fight fair.” 

“You’re a little bitch, Y/N. No wonder your dad never wants to be around you.” 

“Takes a bitch to know a bitch, it’s no wonder your dad left,” you turned around to walk away, but you didn’t expect Jenna to lunge at you. You fell to the ground, landing on your nose, groaning in pain you turned around to face Jenna. She was quick with her punches catching you off guard. You held up your arms to cover your face, giving you a chance to push her to the ground. 

It didn’t take long for the crowd, which was quick to surround the two of you, to draw the attention of the teachers. One of them dragged Jenna away from you as she tried to lunge toward you again. 

“Principal's office, now!” the teacher yelled as he pulled Jenna by the arm. “The rest of you get to your classes!” 

Another teacher helped you up from the ground, and you lost your balance, “Whoa, easy,” he said as held your arms.

“Holy shit,” Marcela said as she looked at the blood on the floor. 

You already knew your nose was broken, just by the throbbing feeling you had. The teacher helped you walk to the nurse's office, and she was able to stabilize your nose until someone could get you to the ER. 

You knew that someone meant Javeria. You waited in the nurse's office for the receptionist to call Javeria. Not too long after you heard the door open, footsteps soon followed. You heard someone clear their throat. 

“It wasn’t my fault, Javeria,” you began to say, looking up, but it wasn’t Javeria. It was your dad. “Where’s Tia Javeria?” 

Pedro felt his heart drop at the sight of your nose and bruised eye. He sighed, opening his mouth to speak, but the door opened and Javeria walked in. 

“Oh my god,” she exclaimed at the sight of her niece. “We’re suing!” 

You and your dad couldn’t help but chuckle at her initial reaction, “We’re not suing.” 

She looked over at her brother in disbelief, “Her nose is gonna be all crooked! We’re suing.” 

Your eyes widened, “Wait, it is?” 

Pedro rolled his eyes, “No, it isn’t.” 

Javeria sighed, “Let’s get you to the E.R.” 

“But what abou-” 

“Already dealt with,” your dad said. You shrugged, following them out of the nurse's office. You noticed that they both came in separate cars, meaning that your dad came here on his own free will. “I got it,” you heard him say. You turned around to see Javeria giving him a look, it was a look only siblings knew. Pedro nodded at her.

“Alright, I’ll see you at home then,” you watched her walk up to her car. 

“Come on,” you heard your dad say. 

You expected the car ride to the E.R. to be quiet, but you were surprised. “Looks pretty bad,” he began to say. 

“She surprised me,” you responded. 

He hummed in response, “principal is giving you a few days to rest,” he began, “I thought you and Jenna were friends though.” 

“We were friends, but we had a falling out in middle school.” 

There was that feeling again. He really didn’t know you anymore. “Really?” You nodded. This whole time he thought everything was the same with you, but little did he realize you had grown up. 

He remained quiet for the rest of the ride to the E.R. mostly because he didn’t know what to say. He was still in shock about all the information he had found out in the past twenty-four hours and he didn’t know how to talk to you. 

Once at the E.R., he made sure to help you out of the truck. He also made sure that they checked to make sure you didn’t have a concussion. They did some X-Rays and CT Scans, all highly suggested by your dad who was feeling overly anxious and kept asking the nurse to make sure to do every test. 

You didn’t know how to feel as you watched your dad suddenly act like… like a dad. 

After all the tests, the doctor came in to let you know that you had a small concussion and your nose needed to be realigned. He explained that he would numb your nose before proceeding. 

Sitting down on the exam bed, you prepared yourself for the worst. You watched as a nurse came in with a tray, setting it down on the side. You took in a deep breath when you saw the needle. Your dad quickly noticed your behavior, “hey, hey, look at me,” he said gently. You looked at him, tears welling up in your eyes, “close your eyes.” He took a hold of your hand. 

You closed your eyes, “Now talk to me about anything,” he said, trying to distract you from what was going on. He nodded at the nurse, telling her to proceed. 

“Um, well, I learned Matilda on the guitar the other day,” you began to say, eyes still closed. 

“Matilda… isn’t that the Harry Styles song?” He asked as he gently rubbed your hand. 

“Yeah, Marecela suggested it, it’s one of her favorite songs.” 

“All done,” the nurse said. 

You opened your eyes, and you didn’t feel a thing. “I forget how good that technique works,” you said as you watched the nurse walk out of the room. 

“Used to do that with you all the time when you were a kid and I took you to the doctor.” 

“I remember,” you whispered. 

He opened his mouth to speak when the door opened and the doctor walked in. “Alright, let’s see how numb you are,” the doctor said. You weren’t completely numb yet, but the doctor took that time to explain the aftercare for your nose. Once he had done the alignment he placed a splint and some packing. He handed your dad a prescription for antibiotics and sent you on your way. 

You got back in your dad's car, “I gotta go somewhere first before we pick up your prescription,” he said as he put his seatbelt on. 

“Okay.” Part of you was trying to take in what had just happened, how you were going to live with a broken nose for the next couple of months. Then the other part was just amazed at how your dad was treating you so suddenly. You were surprised he wasn’t yelling at you for what had happened yesterday. 

He drove for a while but eventually turned into a parking lot that overlooked the ocean. He put the car in park and turned the car off. You didn’t say anything at first, unsure of what you were doing there. “When your mom died, I felt like my world was crashing down,” he began to say, “but you lived and I felt like maybe everything would be okay.” He sighed, “But you look so much like her, and you act like her, it’s like she copy and pasted.” 

You remained quiet, “you were not planned.” 

“Gee, thanks,” you said sarcastically 

“Let me finish,” he sighed. “Initially, I didn’t want kids, not yet anyway. But I wanted kids with her and so, I grew to the idea of kids and you were my world. Then your mom passed and it felt like you were just a reminder of pain.” 

“Why are you telling me this?” 

“Because I want you to understand what I was thinking.” 

“You want me to feel sorry for you?” 

“No, I want you to understand, that I couldn’t look at you without thinking of your mother so, I shut you out. I thought you as the kid that I never wanted-” 

“I know you never wanted me, you made it perfectly clear.” 

“Mija, please, just listen,” you sighed, “I was just trying to avoid grieving your mother and you were in the line of fire. So, I reverted back to thinking that you were unplanned and it didn’t matter, but it does matter. You were and always have been my whole world and I will never forgive myself for what I did to you.” You looked at your feet the entire time, not daring to look at him for fear that you would end up crying. You didn’t want to cry, not now anyway. “Mija,” he said gently. 

“What?” you hissed. 

“Can you look at me?” you shook your head, and he gently placed his hand on your chin, careful to not touch any bruises. He gently moved your head so you could look at him, “There she is.” 

You moved your head away from his hands, “No, you don’t get to just come back whenever you want and think it’ll be okay.” 

“I know.” 

“No, you don’t know!” you yelled, tears welling up in your eyes. “You left me when I needed you the most! You left and I didn’t know if it was because of me or because of Mom, you left without giving me a reason why! Did you forget about me!? Because it felt like I didn’t even exist to you!” 

Pedro felt like he didn’t have the right to speak, the hands of guilt crawled their way up his throat. He choked back his tears, he did this. 

“I felt like I lost both parents,” you choked. “And then I saw you treat Bella like she was your daughter and I kept thinking, that should be me.” Tears fell down your cheek, “I didn’t get it. I didn’t understand why you could treat her like that when I was right there begging for you to even give me a sliver of attention!” You felt like the doors to the car were caving in as you tried to take a deep breath. 

“Mija, breathe,” your dad tried to console you. 

You couldn’t catch your breath. Your hands shook as you felt your heart thudding in your chest. Not now, you thought. You held your hand against your chest. 

Pedro was quick to notice, he opened his door, jumped out of the car, and ran to your side of the car. He opened your door and quickly knelt down beside you, “Mija, breathe with me,” he said as he took a hold of your hand, “Inhala,” he inhaled, holding it for three seconds, “exhala.” He exhaled. “Do it with me.” 

You nodded as you inhaled with him and then exhaled. It took a few minutes for your breathing to go back to normal. 

“You needed me,” he still had your hands in his, “I’m sorry, Y/N. I don’t think I can ever make it up to you, but I am going to spend the rest of my life trying if you’ll let me.” It was all you wanted. He gently rolled up your sleeve, placing a soft touch on your scars. “I’m sorry if I am the reason these exist,” you watched as tears flowed down his cheeks. 

He then did something you didn’t expect him to do, he placed a gentle kiss on your wrist and it was enough for you. You let out the sob that was dying to be let out, and he pulled you in for an embrace, “I’m sorry, muñeca.” 

You wrapped your arms around him, “I don’t think I could ever forgive myself, but from here on out, it’s me and you, okay? I’m gonna change things, no more staying with Javeria. I’m sorry I did it in the first place, it was selfish of me. I want you to know that my life wouldn’t be better without you in it. My life would suck without you, Mija. I have just been a shitty dad and I’m sorry.” ” 

You wanted to say that it was okay, but it wasn’t. It wasn’t okay at all, but you were so used to always saying ‘it’s okay,’ that you had to tell yourself that this time it’s fine if you don’t say it. You could not say it and not feel guilty, especially if it’s not your fault. 

“What do you say? Are you willing to give your dad a second chance?” 

You needed your father and your heart would probably give him a million chances, even if it couldn’t handle it, but for now, you were willing to give him a second chance. You nodded, “Okay.” 

He pulled you in again for another embrace, this time he held on for as long as he could. Pedro wanted to make up for all the times you needed an embrace and he wasn’t there. 

After a while, Pedro got back into his side of the car. He took you to get your prescription before taking you back to Javerias. You both walked in with smiles on your faces causing Javeria to smile too. 

“Everything okay?” she asked. 

Pedro placed a small kiss on your temple, “Go grab your things.” You nodded as you ran up the stairs. Pedro waited until you were out of earshot range. 

“Well?” 

“I don’t know how she forgave me,” he choked back a sob. “I’m such a horrible father,” he sobbed.

“A horrible father wouldn’t have done what you just did,” Javeria stated as she pulled her brother in for an embrace. “Just promise me, you won’t break her heart again, I don’t think she can handle it, Pedro.” 

“I won’t,” he let out a deep breath, wiping away his tears. “She’s gonna stay with me tonight, we’ll come back for the rest of things later.” 

She smiled, “That’s fine.” She looked at her brother in awe, “I’m proud of you, Pedro.” 

He smiled at her, “Thank you.” 

You came running down the stairs with a bag of your essentials. “Is that everything?” Javeria asked. 

“Yeah, it’s just the main stuff,” you explained. She nodded, and you said a quick goodbye, knowing that you’ll be back the next day. 

The car ride to your dad's house was different than the past few car rides. This time he had music playing, “So, we’re still friends with Marcela?” And he asked questions. 

“Yes, best friends.” 

“What about Monica?” 

You shrugged, “We talk a little bit.” 

He sighed, “You mentioned playing the guitar, when did you pick that up?” 

“Beginning of the year, I was a bit bored,” you smiled genuinely. Your mind still felt weary about the situation but you wanted to trust your heart for once. You ached for the presence of your father in your life and now was finally your chance and you weren’t going to let it go. 

Pedro Pascal Taglist: @tracysnook  @cilliansangel  @change-the-world-someday  @graciegoeskrazy @oggystine93 @t-stark35 @twkobii @picklehat3r @welcometomyworldwithoutrules @white-wolf-buckaroo @steadydragongalaxy @rooting4theantihero @soupinasock @tracysnook @Ilovehotdadsandshit @dzaga890 @marantha @emmasauger

[justlarkin]

Ive been reading so many aus and now request that you contribute to my brain rot good sir

Hmm, the only AU situation I've put some thought into is that Sandayu sitcom dad shitpost.

Okay, so all five of them show up in Tokyo together with their usual case of amnesia and are like "dunno what tf is going on, but we all have the same stars on our hands, so let's stick together ig". None of them remember their names so MC2 takes it upon herself to give everyone nicknames to go by based on their features: Itsy Bitsy, Beauty (It's not narcissism if it's true!), Titan, Lanky, and [REDACTED] (Just call him R). Everything resumes the same with them going to Shinjuku, being taken into Mononobe's care, him disappearing, and Sandayu hoping in under Smoky God's employment. Problem is that they're like SUPER difficult to deal with after Mononobe left because they're hurt about being abandoned by their "dad", so he has to try really hard to worm his way in and earn their trust, resulting in shenanigans.

-Itsy outwardly seems cutesy and agreeable, but in reality is the Devil incarnate. They love attention and playing games, using their small, unassuming appearance to drag unfortunate bastards into playing with them until all their energy is drained out of them. Anyone who tries to leave them before they're okay with it, won't be shown any mercy. Absolute Hell will be unleashed upon them, which Sandayu finds out the hard way. The other four don't get sucked into their drama because they already know the trick to dealing with them. R is the most resistant to their games, but everyone knows he secretly has a soft spot for them, which is why they have matching nam- *bonked unconscious by stray sword flying through air* It's hard to tell how they feel about Mononobe because they flip between hatred and grief when he's mentioned.

-Beauty is sociable and wants to do fun teen things like hanging out with friends, sneaking out late, going on adventures, and cyberbullying minors. You can usually find her surrounded by people and being the center of attention. Also, she not-so-secretly likes seeing drama go down and will ignite it from a distance, but most people don't notice this trait and like her regardless. She ultimately ignores Sandayu's existence and attempts to engage with her, even if he's right in front of her, and insists that Mononobe will be back any day now.

-Titan is friendly, helpful, and the protective one of the group. Too helpful. He rarely shows up to class or does his work and his grades are tanking because he will drop everything and go assist someone as soon as they call for him. It's not an exaggeration. Once he recieved a call from Andvari during class, saying that he needs someone to cover a shift at his resort ASAP, and Titan immediately jumped out of the window and ran there because "Andvari needed him now and taking the stairs was a waste of time". He's actually kind and cordial with Sandayu, but he's like that with everyone. He won't show it, but he's exhausted and just wants a break. That won't happen though. Secretly, he feels responsible for Mononobe leaving since he thinks taking care of five kids on his own while working must've been too much for him and that if he proves that he can bare some of that load, Mononobe will return.

-Lanky is mopey, tired, and an airhead. He typically forgets to change into his school uniform, sleeps through class and practically everywhere else, and is always daydreaming when he's not. It's easy to drag them along on adventures and drama because he doesn't have a strong opinion on much. They have a "everyone is my pillow" mentality, which the other four don't seem to mind. Lanky is mostly indifferent towards Sandayu, but wishes he'd stop interrupting their naps. He usually doesn't talk about Mononobe, only contibuting a furrowed brow and frown, but on their off-days, he will cry over the slightest reminder of him.

-[REDACTED] doesn't like his nickname and finds it embarrassing, so he chose to shorten it to R. Nobody knows his real name besides the other four and Mononobe since every mention of it has been hidden and he will beat anyone who goes digging for it with the blunt end of his sword. Overall, he's the most normal and easiest to deal with of the group. He's mostly reserved and occasionally snarky, doesn't cause problems at school unless his "siblings" drag him into it, and he acts like any other teen. He has accepted that Mononobe is gone and doesn't cause Sandayu any grief over that specifically, but he doesn't trust him because he suspects that he has dishonest intentions in getting close to him and the others (he does). R won't show it often, but he cares deeply for the others and wants to protect them from getting burned by someone like Mononobe again.

They all love each other while Sandayu is going through it and getting his ass kicked.

[beardedmrbean]

[Huey Zoomer Anon]

Ugh that gravity falls “found family” thing not saying there isn’t element of it…but where in the NINE HELLS is this idea that we just popularized found family?

Hanna-Barbara shows?

Johnny Quest?

Flintstones with Betty, Barney, and Bam-Bam

The mother fucking Scooby doo gang?

Not just them…Batman and Alfred? Superman and the Clarks?

Found family and alternative ones always coexisted…it just by the 50’s, Hollywood mainly pander to (very recent) suburb family structure as they had the most money, so they became the standards

OOOOH, don’t get started on how fandoms piss me off with the FORCED sitcom family dynamics they shoved into characters.

Families

Can be

Very

Complex!

Oh right right I realize I am part of a long line of trainwrecks that try to get better for the next gen…with my clown shoes

Ugh I still remember the Encanto grandma discourse…yeah the biggest fantasy was the elders apologizing….

But then i remember how many activists do the same toxic shit towards strangers as their elders did to them with a socialist agenda

…Off tangent, I think a lot of activists can’t comprehend that many of us are descended from the survivors shit government and corporations do. And we were told about it by our FAMILY, not the shitty education system

I miss complicated family driven stories!

COMEBAAAAAACK!

Can't forget the folks on Gilligan's Island,

In media the trope is getting overused though, I get that not everyone has a good relationship with their family family and sometimes found is what you need, but there's also people using it as a cop out so they don't have to face what may well be very real issues.

That's both in fiction and reality

Oh right right I realize I am part of a long line of trainwrecks that try to get better for the next gen…with my clown shoes

The honking of the clown shoes reminds you to smile, they're helpful like that.

Ugh I still remember the Encanto grandma discourse…yeah the biggest fantasy was the elders apologizing….

I didn't see that one, but the apologizing happens more often than people seem to think, folks just may not realize it's a apology is all.

But then i remember how many activists do the same toxic shit towards strangers as their elders did to them with a socialist agenda

But they're doing it for the right™ reasons so it's different.

Off tangent, I think a lot of activists can’t comprehend that many of us are descended from the survivors shit government and corporations do. And we were told about it by our FAMILY, not the shitty education system I miss complicated family driven stories! COMEBAAAAAACK!

Mood

[blogger360ncislarules]

In a weekly series USA TODAY’s The Essentials, celebrities share what fuels their lives whether it's at home, on the set or on the road.

Nearly three decades into his career, Wilmer Valderrama is far from finished reinventing himself.

The Venezuelan-Colombian actor, who's starred in shows such as teen sitcom "That '70s Show," crime drama "NCIS" and animated children's series "Handy Manny," is getting candid about his life and career in his debut memoir "An American Story: Everyone's Invited" (out now).

Valderrama broke into acting at age 18 as the flamboyant Fez on "That '70s Show." "Everything that I'm working on is going to feel like you're seeing me for the first time," he says. "I want to dedicate my life to continuing to take them (fans) to fun, healing, exciting and hopefully inspiring journeys."

Between hectic shoot days on TV and film sets, running multiple companies and being a dad to 3-year-old daughter Nakano, here are Valderrama's essentials for navigating his jam-packed life.

Wilmer Valderrama's 'effortless' style staple

When it comes to fashion and style for Valderrama, less is more.

If he's not donning crisp business suits for work, you can find the actor kicking it back in some fitness apparel. The E.P.U. activewear founder's go-to? A crewneck sweatshirt.

In the hair department, the actor keeps things simple with his handy wax paste from Baxter of California.

"I have so much hair, and it's so thick. It's the only thing that will tell it to do something. Otherwise, it's Erik Estrada hair," Valderrama says, jokingly referring to the "CHiPs" actor's poofy locks.

Wilmer Valderrama workout routine: 'Therapeutic' morning runs (and 'ceremonial' coffee)

The early bird catches the worm — and stays fit, at least in Valderrama's book.

While Valderrama does a mix of circuit training, weight training and mixed martial arts, outdoor runs are a favorite in his exercise regimen.

"Everything's dark — no cars, serenity. The air is still crisp and clean; you see the stars. You're listening to your favorite music. … There's something very therapeutic about that, too."

And once he's put in his sweat shift for the day, Valderrama treats himself to "the perfect espresso shot."

"You've got to get the beans; you've got to grind them. It's like my ceremonial thing," Valderrama says. "I have to make the coffee, and I have to sit there and watch it pour slowly into the cup. And then one small cube of coconut brown sugar at the bottom."

Wilmer Valderrama can't get enough of this 'fire' album

Lately, Valderrama's musical cravings have him throwing it back to the '90s.

The "Encanto" star has been jamming out to salsa icon Marc Anthony's first three albums — "Otra Nota," "Todo a Su Tiempo" and "Contra la Corriente" — on a "back-to-back" rotation.

Valderrama has also been revisiting Santana's 1999 blockbuster album "Supernatural," which features the Rob Thomas-assisted smash "Smooth." "That album is so fire," he says. "You forget how many hits is on that one."

Wilmer Valderrama says this reality show was a 'beacon of hope'

When Valderrama pops on the tube, he's all for the onscreen drama.

Valderrama is also a proud citizen of Bachelor Nation, as he and fiancée Amanda Pacheco have made a ritual of keeping up with the dating competition series "The Bachelor" and "The Bachelorette."

"Not afraid to say it: I look forward to that Monday nights and occasional Tuesdays," Valderrama says. "That's something that Amanda and I have bonded over. It's fun and equally frustrating to watch that show."

And the franchise's geriatric spinoff, "The Golden Bachelor," won over Valderrama in equal measure, with the actor affectionally calling Golden Bachelor Gerry Turner "my boy."

"I got to meet him, too, and he was so nice. 'The Golden Bachelor' to me was just a beacon of hope. I was so happy to watch that."

[talenlee]

Game Pile: Girl By Moonlight

Watch this video on YouTube

Script and thumbnail below the fold!

Girl By Moonlight! The much-awaited magical-girl genre based Blades in the Dark variant from Evil Hat games, made by Andrew Gillis (and a bunch of other people, don’t forget them). You know Blades in the Dark? No? Well, there are a bunch of other videos I’ve done about the game system, even when talking about other systems. The super brisk description is that it’s a fail-forward, fiction-first open-sourceable TTRPG that’s really good at driving stories based on their genre markers and the way stories in its vibe feel, with really good systems for breaking some of the ‘rules’ of tabletop RPGs, most significantly in who determines how players do things, and whether the flow of time is linear.

And it’s not.

It’s about magical girls! What are magical girls? Well, sometimes they’re magical and sometimes they’re girls, but also they’re not necessarily either of those things, even if they are magical girls. A magical boy is still part of the magical girl genre, because genres are dumb. Magical girl shows have a super interesting long form lineage that reaches back, no jokes, to the 1960s American sitcom Bewitched, and well at least that’s what TV Tropes tells me and why would they lie? Anyway, the genre isn’t something built out of a single high concept, but rather lots of individual signifiers that show a relationship within a space, and oh boy, we’ll get to that later, because there are more magical girl shows than you think.

Girl By Moonlight stakes a claim on this front real fast, by using a genre system to describe the type of game you’re going to play. Sure, you can start with the classics of the genre, your Universes Steven and your Moons of Sailor, but there’s also a genre form for the Dark genre of Magical Girls, like… well, Puella Magica Madoka. But we’re not done there, with the addition of space-faring, mecha-based magical girl shows, where people have mecha powered by love and friendship. This is your Escaflowne style magical girl story, where your feelings can change reality. And then there’s door number four, where we get a mix of conspiracy and cybermagic. If you know Lain, or Paprika? Those kinds of magical girls.

As I write this script, Girl By Moonlight is not out. Not out out. It’s out, in that if you go to backerkit and pledge to pay, you can get a pdf of its current state, and I think it’s a good deal. It’s a really high production value project as it is right now, at least by my standards. Consider all the time I spend reading indie TTRPGs off itch for this channel where I sometimes feel the need to bully a book for having a twenty page long index or having its character creation in the back half of the book. I recommend you check it out, if you are at all interested in Blades in the Dark hacks like Brinkwood and Scum and Villainy.

That opinion, however, is the opinion of someone who has a pretty healthy bookshelf – both digital and not – of RPGs I don’t ever expect to get to the table. I have no experience with putting Girl By Moonlight on the table, and I don’t intend to grab it because it’s a different lick of paint on a game I already know I like. There are plenty of those, and two of them at the top level of production, — Band of Blades and Thirsty Sword Lesbians — completely miss me because I don’t find the flavour of the narratives they offer interesting.

No, I want Girl By Moonlight for two important reasons:

I know a bunch of magical girls, and I hope they think it’s neat, and

It two-for-ones a problem I have with Blades in the Dark and neatly smacks out of the park the single biggest concern I have with the philosophical footing of a story ‘about Magical Girls,’ in how it handles Trauma.

Trauma in BITD

In the base game of Blades in the Dark, trauma conditions are a byproduct of accruing too much stress. When you take Trauma, you get one from the core list:

Cold: You’re not moved by emotional appeals or social bonds.

Haunted: You’re often lost in reverie, reliving past horrors, seeing things.

Obsessed: You’re enthralled by one thing: an activity, a person, an ideology.

Paranoid: You imagine danger everywhere; you can’t trust others.

Reckless: You have little regard for your own safety or best interests.

Soft: You lose your edge; you become sentimental, passive, gentle.

Unstable: Your emotional state is volatile. You can instantly rage, or fall into

despair, act impulsively, or freeze up.

Vicious: You seek out opportunities to hurt people, even for no good reason.

Now, these are all presented to you as trauma responses. So much so that if you play in a way that reflects your trauma, you get XP for it. These are incentivised choices for your character as responses to trauma, and uh…

like…

What if you were already haunted?

What if you already were a Leech with schizophrenia who heard voices, but was handling it? You didn’t get XP for behaving like you had schizophrenia, but if you do get it as a trauma and it starts causing problems for you, then you suddenly get XP for acting that way.

It’s not that Blades in the Dark doesn’t have room for someone who has these conditions to start with, but the only concern it has for people with these conditions are the ways they make you worse at your job, the way they represent a ticking clock on your overall lifespan. It’s not like these conditions can’t be traumagenic, either! But when the only presence of a thing in the game rules is explicitly as a traumagenic impediment that you’re meant to play up to emphasise the lack of time you have left, it does outline that in this space, if you want those conditions not as drawbacks like that, then you probably should have the drawbacks.

On the one hand I can understand entirely how Blades in the Dark got there. It seems at first like an interesting idea, where the experiences of failure and loss in this marginalised, oppressed state leaves you all broken up and shaken. Thing is, that’s a thing that you experience when you’re someone to whom these are externalities. They’re not lived experiences, so the idea of developing a new modality of living can feel as if it’s only something imposed. And vitally, because it’s meant to represent a depletion of a resource, these traumas can never be overcome or accommodated.

That’s a bummer! It’s not something I think of as a fundamental hard problem – no advocate for the rights of people with these conditions would ever dare to advocate for the position that nobody ever gains these conditions traumagenically. It’s entirely possible for your story to be one about absorbing these punishments, suffering and then deciding to tap out of the attempts to change your situation.

That doesn’t have to bring with it these trappings, this language and framing of these things as fundamentally unrecoverable losses of self. I mean, heck: The nature of Blades in the Dark, where three strikes and you’re out, indicates that about two thirds of the rogues you deal with are going to be people who have these conditions who get to be perfectly good experts at their job.

Anyway, so, I don’t like Trauma in Blades in the Dark.

Magical Girls And Me

There’s a phenomenon in magical girl discourse, and I say phenomenon because it’s a fancier way to say ‘stupid idea.’ And I want to make it clear here, audience of mine, that I am talking primarily about and to dudes, who want to talk about Magical Girls as a genre, and specifically about the concern, the struggle of being ‘taken seriously.’

This isn’t a story for everyone.

This is a story that maps out in my life.

Let me tell you about Magical Girls, as a fixture in my life.

The first experience I had with magical girls was on free-to-air TV in the 1990s, before school, when I could watch unsupervised in a room in a school building, waiting the two hours before the other students got there. There were two duelling shows, Cheez TV and Aggro’s Cartoon Connection. In any given bracket, you had to pick between which of these kids’ TV shows were going to put up, and there were clear winners and losers depending on the time.

I didn’t realise it at the time but I was becoming a big anime fan at this point. Particularly, the dubs of Teknoman (Tekkaman Blade) and Robotech (A bunch of shows, really) were screened this way, and I loved those shows. There was continuity, they had these building stories, I really liked them. And in this space, there was this show…

Sailor Moon.

Sailor Moon made me uncomfortable. I liked watching it, but also, I didn’t like how the voice acting felt. I remembered feeling a lot like there was something artificial or fake in the voices, the way they sped up talking in ways that didn’t seem right. I didn’t realise I was already noticing bad voice direction. But it was a show about cute girls and one of them was kinda dumb and I felt like I shouldn’t be watching it, because it was a show about cute girls and I liked that.

As a direct result of that – and being teased by other students who found out about me watching it, let’s not pretend I arrived at this conclusion entirely on my own – I watched Sailor Moon, but not much of it. I wasn’t here for a story about these girls who changed forms to reveal superpowers, I was busy watching much better, more interesting stuff like Transformers, and Power Rangers.

Hmm.

As I grew into an anime fan, as I watched more of it, I wound up watching very little Magic Girl stuff. What little stuff I saw tended to be something I avoided, and it was a thing over there. It was a show type that I didn’t engage with because they weren’t for me. They weren’t interesting. They didn’t have interesting things in them. I did watch Mahou Tsukai Tai, which is absolutely a magical girl show, but I did watch it because I was trying to impress a girl and then had a crush on a boy in it.

The genre? Nah. Didn’t do anything with it. It didn’t really exist. It was over there. It was girl stuff.

Madoka Arrives

Then I watched Madoka, and I want to say I had complex feelings on it. Because I didn’t really click with it, and I missed some important details (I didn’t see the ending and openings, which added information). I think I just didn’t like it very much, but then, I think to impress a girl, I tried to spend a lot of time thinking about it. But that meant I was positioned to see Madoka become A Subject, and a subject enjoyed by and extolled by a lot of people like me.

There was this particular form of discourse you’d get where dudes would talk about something in a general sense like they were experts, they’d even deliver their opinions with the cadence of a 4chan post, and people who didn’t recognise it, who thought of these opinions as serious, considered and almost from a sort of gutter expertise. It didn’t stand out unless you were steeped in those places to realise that most of what that voice meant was that the person had already laundered The Opinion back and forth enough to see if it was Adequately Acceptable to the hivemind of Default Boys.

And they thought Madoka was great.

Because Madoka was dark.

Because Madoka was a deconstruction of the magical girls genre.

It wasn’t bad, like other magical girl shows were. It was a real magical girl show. It had guns and it was cool and it was badass and the whole thing was all about sacrifice and trauma and to be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand Madoka. The yuri is extremely subtle, and without a solid grasp of time travel physics most of the narrative will go over a typical viewer’s head.

And I mean that made sense to me at the time. It’s a deconstruction, I told myself, that’s why it’s complicated, and then I said that aloud, and that seemed like a smart opinion to have. Hell if I know now, really, if I knew or thought that was true then. Because it’s not really a deconstruction if it’s just doing things other Magical Girls shows are doing, and I don’t know what other Magical Girl Shows are doing. I could tell that it was different, in some way to what I expected, and rather than examine that, or consider my expectations or my own ignorance, I asserted that this Magical Girl show was good because it was not a Magical Girl Show.

There’s a wikipedia article on the genre of Magical Girl. The most recent show in that simplified list that I’ve seen is Madoka. The next most recent magical girl show I watched was My-HIME, and if you’d asked me if My-HIME was a magical girl show I would have laughed about how it obviously wasn’t. The girls have mecha and I like that show. Utena? A magical girl show? No it’s a psychological horror story that deconstructs the idea of the handsome prince narrative. Slayers? No, Slayers is a gag fantasy anime. They’re not Magical Girl shows, despite being very much about girls who are magical.

They’re…

they’re something else.

These definitional arguments are part of why I’m so dismissive of definitional arguments these days, by the way. That’s all we were doing. We were looking at media we liked and a label we didn’t like and tried to shoulder-charge our way around it so it doesn’t count as being a Magical Girl series. I tried at the time to argue that Magic Knights Rayearth didn’t count because the characters didn’t transform properly!

Point is, we could tell Madoka was different. We couldn’t tell why, but we could tell it was better, and we attributed the way that Madoka was better was the way it was serious, and that seriousness was expressed, very consistently, in that Madoka was traumatising. People acted out of trauma, trauma was inflicted, characters were trauma babies and even the ending showed that healing wasn’t possible – the only way to escape the trauma was to forget it ever happened. Isn’t that tragic and serious and, you know, good?

And this is the ‘stupid thing’ I wanted to talk about: That we legitimised interest in a show for and about girls only because of how we asserted its reliance on trauma. The concerns and interests of girls in other stories (which we also did not watch) were not important, because we did not value those stories, because, we said, they were not traumatic. Trauma gave us the edge to grip a hold of this work, and to treat it as important.

Total Eclipse Of The Arc

Girl By Moonlight doesn’t use the Trauma system.

It does use something a bit like it, but not really.

In Girl By Moonlight, instead of trauma breaking your character, you get instead a system called Eclipse. Eclipse is explicitly a phenomenon of the Magical Girl. It is a thing that happens to your magical girl characters, because they are magical girl characters, and they relate to your archetype, your place in the story.

Eclipse is there to generate the moments that fit your role in a story. Eclipse is a representation of struggling with inner turmoil under stress, it’s not explicitly linked to psychological trauma in the same way. It can be a mistaken impression, a belief formed out of seeing the wrong thing at the wrong time. In fact, the core expression of Eclipse by the rules text is that they are not about your brain doing you wrong, but rather, about responding to the way society demands you comply. Girl By Moonlight is a game in which your characters are taught to hate themselves by society.

And we live in one of those things.

Eclipse is also different from Trauma in that it presents an opportunity for someone to help grab you out of the condition. Players can spend energy and effort on keeping you from falling into Eclipse, and that has a low-key sneaky side effect of ensuring that most characters hover near the same amount of stress and the same proximity to Eclipse… which does mean you can have stories about a catastrophic sequence of failures or a story about people pulling each other back from the brink in a darkest hour.

That’s cool.

Conclusion

There’s more to the game book of course! It’s not as simple as just ‘Hey, it’s Blades in the Dark with one different system!’ The way that the group share a genre sheet, not a gang sheet, that signifies that the story centres around you, and you’re not one of a group of types? That’s great! Or the way that the Eclipse system stacks, and you can be Eclipsed in Eclipse and therefore, be lost. The archetypes are great too, with every character positioned to consider themselves and their alternative identity, as a creative act and if you know me, you know I love me some ‘heroic identity as a creative expression,’ gosh dang.

Girl By Moonlight is currently available on Backerkit, I like it, and I like some of the choices it’s making in its systems. I like what it’s thinking about and I like how it’s different from Blades in the Dark, which I also like. And even if you don’t check it out and find a new favourite game, consider what kind of things you’re assuming are necessary for a story to be worth respecting.

Check it out on PRESS.exe to see it with images and links!

#GamePile #Games

[catididnt]

This is really what a lot of those sitcoms from the 80s were like. Or generally before Seinfeld, I guess? Not all of them, of course, but a lot of the family ones - where most of the show was set within the house - or a group of friends. Cheers and Cosby Show and Golden Girls, Full House ... all those names I’m forgetting.

They had drama but it was resolved each week and the longer arcs weren’t that tense. The characters were generally likable, and the unlikable or problematic characters were secondary or smaller parts.  

They did have some shows when they faced a hard topic, and some played into the comedy of topics we now consider problematic but weren’t at the time. But the main characters were likable and many were very good.

But I think the sitcom (filmed in front of a live studio audience) has been replaced by reality tv, and that’s manipulated to ensure unlikable, problematic ‘characters’, over the top drama, and tension that never really resolves. Otherwise, it’s cartoon shows, started with the Simpsons (who were mocking sitcoms) and getting us South Park and Family Guy. While it had gone too far into the “wholesome” (easy?) direction before, we are getting way too into the “sarcastic” (gritty?) direction.

What the tweet is about is just wanting a way to relax during their downtime. Sometimes you need a story bout defeating a dragon to know dragons can be defeated. Something you need a story about slice of life to know there is more to life than fighting dragons.

do you. do you even want a story

[my-weird-news]

Shocking Twist: Houston Woman Kills Landlord, Hides Body, Keeps Collecting Rent! 😱

Murder, Mayhem, and the Mysterious Case of the Fleeing Landlord Oh boy, gather 'round folks, because I've got a wild tale for you that's like something straight out of a twisted sitcom! 🕵️‍♂️ It's a story of a missing Texan landlord, a lady with a penchant for creative excuses, and a whole lot of suspicious bloodstains. 🏠💀 So there's this woman, Pamela Ann Merritt, who must have taken a masterclass in crafting bizarre alibis. She tried to sell the idea that her landlord, a spry 78-year-old named Colin Kerdachi, had pulled a "Houdini" and escaped to Africa. 🌍✈️ Yup, Africa! Because, you know, that's where all retired landlords go on vacation, right? But hold onto your cowboy hats, folks, because this yarn gets even more tangled. Turns out, our dear Pamela didn't just stop at the wild safari tale. Nope, she went the extra mile and allegedly turned Mr. Kerdachi into an involuntary under-the-stairs tenant. 🐕🏠 Can't afford rent? No problem, just hide a body instead! Genius! Picture this: Houston's freezing over, power's out, and Colin's gone AWOL. People are scratching their heads like, "Did he turn into an icicle or what?" 🧊❄️ But lo and behold, after months of scratching, the cops finally find him. Not in an igloo, not on a tropical island, but behind a staircase like a forgotten Christmas decoration. 🎄🕳️ Now, I'm no detective, but something smells fishier than a catfish fry at a Texan fair. Turns out, Pamela had her own version of home improvement going on. Imagine the scene: "Honey, should we paint the walls or scrub off the bloodstains first?" 🎨💉 What a dilemma! The plot thickens when Pamela's fellow tenants start spilling the beans. There's Tabitha Pope, a recent addition to this reality TV-worthy cast. She uncovered blood pools, knives in mailboxes, and bins full of blood – just your average Tuesday morning surprises. ☠️📦 And let's not forget her genius move of tricking Pamela and her boyfriend into revealing the body's location. Talk about playing a twisted game of "Where's Waldo's Corpse?" 🧐🔍 Of course, the comedic duo (Pamela and her boyfriend) didn't disappoint. They put on a show that could rival any amateur theater production, loudly discussing a "dead dog" under the stairs. Bravo, guys, bravo! 🐶🎭 So, what's Pamela's masterstroke in this symphony of absurdity? She claims the bloodstains are from "rotten meat" and the remains are from a dog. I guess her refrigerator doubles as a crime scene and a pet cemetery – versatile! 🍗🥩 And let's not forget the star witness, Michael Brown, who probably has a future as a stand-up comedian. "Oh, yeah, I saw the landlord with a stab wound, but I figured he just needed a vacation... to the hospital!" 🏥😂 So there you have it, folks – a missing landlord, a stab-happy murderer, and more twists than a Texas roller coaster. It's the stuff David Sedaris dreams of – bizarre, hilarious, and stranger than fiction. If you're ever in need of a good laugh, just remember the tale of Pamela, Colin, and the great African escape! 🤣🕺# Murder, Mayhem, and the Mysterious Case of the Fleeing Landlord Oh boy, gather 'round folks, because I've got a wild tale for you that's like something straight out of a twisted sitcom! 🕵️‍♂️ It's a story of a missing Texan landlord, a lady with a penchant for creative excuses, and a whole lot of suspicious bloodstains. 🏠💀 So there's this woman, Pamela Ann Merritt, who must have taken a masterclass in crafting bizarre alibis. She tried to sell the idea that her landlord, a spry 78-year-old named Colin Kerdachi, had pulled a "Houdini" and escaped to Africa. 🌍✈️ Yup, Africa! Because, you know, that's where all retired landlords go on vacation, right? But hold onto your cowboy hats, folks, because this yarn gets even more tangled. Turns out, our dear Pamela didn't just stop at the wild safari tale. Nope, she went the extra mile and allegedly turned Mr. Kerdachi into an involuntary under-the-stairs tenant. 🐕🏠 Can't afford rent? No problem, just hide a body instead! Genius! Picture this: Houston's freezing over, power's out, and Colin's gone AWOL. People are scratching their heads like, "Did he turn into an icicle or what?" 🧊❄️ But lo and behold, after months of scratching, the cops finally find him. Not in an igloo, not on a tropical island, but behind a staircase like a forgotten Christmas decoration. 🎄🕳️ Now, I'm no detective, but something smells fishier than a catfish fry at a Texan fair. Turns out, Pamela had her own version of home improvement going on. Imagine the scene: "Honey, should we paint the walls or scrub off the bloodstains first?" 🎨💉 What a dilemma! The plot thickens when Pamela's fellow tenants start spilling the beans. There's Tabitha Pope, a recent addition to this reality TV-worthy cast. She uncovered blood pools, knives in mailboxes, and bins full of blood – just your average Tuesday morning surprises. ☠️📦 And let's not forget her genius move of tricking Pamela and her boyfriend into revealing the body's location. Talk about playing a twisted game of "Where's Waldo's Corpse?" 🧐🔍 Of course, the comedic duo (Pamela and her boyfriend) didn't disappoint. They put on a show that could rival any amateur theater production, loudly discussing a "dead dog" under the stairs. Bravo, guys, bravo! 🐶🎭 So, what's Pamela's masterstroke in this symphony of absurdity? She claims the bloodstains are from "rotten meat" and the remains are from a dog. I guess her refrigerator doubles as a crime scene and a pet cemetery – versatile! 🍗🥩 And let's not forget the star witness, Michael Brown, who probably has a future as a stand-up comedian. "Oh, yeah, I saw the landlord with a stab wound, but I figured he just needed a vacation... to the hospital!" 🏥😂 So there you have it, folks – a missing landlord, a stab-happy murderer, and more twists than a Texas roller coaster. It's the stuff David Sedaris dreams of – bizarre, hilarious, and stranger than fiction. If you're ever in need of a good laugh, just remember the tale of Pamela, Colin, and the great African escape! 🤣🕺 Read the full article

[ledenews]

He’s Running for Congress and Yes, He Believes in Bigfoot

Yes, it’s true. The headline does not lie. He was driving his semi-tractor trailer heading east on Interstate 80 in Clearfield County, Pa. At about 2:30 a.m. back in the Summer of 1988, there it was, Bigfoot, THE legendary cryptid that’s teased mankind with its alleged existence for more than a century. That’s exactly the tale told – and repeated when necessary – by Rj Smith, a resident of Dallas, W.Va., who has declared his candidacy as a Republican for the Second Congressional District seat in the U.S. House of Representatives. Smith, a retired over-the-road truck driver who also worked in local coal mines, was on the primary ballot in 2012 for the District 4 seat in the state’s House of Delegates in District 4. “I’m running now for the same reasons why I ran back then, and that’s to tell the voters exactly what they need to hear,” Smith said. “Nothing is getting done in Washington, D.C., because everything has to be a show these days, and that’s not good for anyone. “And why would I tell anyone about seeing Bigfoot if I didn’t see what I saw? I’m sure a lot of people think I’m crazy so what good am I doing for myself?,” he asked. “It’s what I saw, though.” The city of Clearfield is 122 miles east of Pittsburgh. Pennsylvania’s Clearfield County and Rockton Mountain have been the locations of more than 40 Bigfoot sightings since 1971, according to the county’s Facebook page, and even the owner of the community’s Over the Mountain Restaurant refers to the eatery as the “Bigfoot Headquarters”. “It was 2:30 a.m. and I was driving a semi-tractor trailer and I saw this thing step onto the median out of nowhere,” Smith said. “I had my bright lights on because there was no one around and I was seeing deer along the side of the road. The first thing I thought was that I was seeing a bear along the interstate, but then that thing took three steps across the interstate and right then I knew it was not a bear. “It turned a little toward me and my truck, and that was it,” he recalled. “I saw it go over the bank and then up a hill. And it was on two legs. This all took place in about seven seconds so there was really no time to see its face or anything like that. But I saw what I saw and the only thing I believe it could have been was a Bigfoot sighting.” His message to the doubters in the crowd? “There are a lot of people who believe in Bigfoot. You cannot tell thousands and thousands of people they’re wrong when there are thousands of people who have seen what I’ve seen,” Smith said. “Plus, there are records of incidents involved with shooting and discoveries of skeletons that have been enormous. “There’s a lot history – real history – about Bigfoot, and every nation has a name for him,” he said. “And that’s because people like me swear by their stories. Again, think about it … seriously, why would I lie? So, people can have a chance to call me nuts? No. It’s because I know what I saw.” This is the most famous photo ever released of what many believe to be "Sasquatch." Bigfoot Fun Park? Yes, the park exists in Branson, Mo., and that’s because Bigfoot is pretty darn famous. There was a sighting reported in New Jersey just four days ago, and there were similar reports registered in Mississippi, too. In fact, authorities on all levels have received more than 10,000 sighting claims in the continental United States in the last 50 years. That’s why there’s a Bigfoot beer and a Bigfoot Trail, and customers can order Bigfoot hot dogs on 3rd Street in New Martinsville. There’s a Bigfoot Festival in Forest County, Pa., a California loan company called Bigfoot Capital, and “Bigfoot,” a TV movie from 2012. A reality show called “Finding Bigfoot” is in its 13th season, and let’s not forget the early-90’s sitcom “Harry and the Hendersons.” So, yes, the intrigue in the search for Sasquatch has long been high in the U.S., and Smith knows why. Many sketches have been created of Bigfoot after eyewitness account across the continental United States. “When it took those steps across the interstate, it appeared to me to be gliding,” Smith remembered. “His feet were covered with fur and his head didn’t bob up and down like a human does when we walk. It was very smooth movements the thing made across that interstate. And it took very long steps. “Could it have been a bear? If so, it was a very different bear than what we have here,” the conservative said. “People think you’re nuts when I tell them this story. If anyone can tell me what it was and prove to me what I believe it was, then OK. But until then? I believe I saw Big Foot, Sasquatch, whatever you want to call it.” Yes, Smith has answered all of the questions. “Over and over, actually,” he said. No, he wasn’t inebriated in anyway. “I was driving my truck so, no, that never happened during my career,” he insisted. And yes, he was wearing his glasses. “Always,” Smith said quickly. “I have 20-20 vision when I wear them, so they are always on my face. Without them, I’m like 20/100. Let’s just say, not good. “OK, sooo ... anything else?” the candidate asked sarcastically. “If not, go vote for Rj Smith.” The number of sightings in the Clearfield County area Read the full article

[clubsmarties]

Shaking his head he made sure her eyes locked with his. "Beautiful, I never saw showing you I could be trusted as a chore. Getting you to open up at your time and speed, well honey, I'd have waited a whole two hundred years for you. You are it for me. I didn't want anyone else back then and that hasn't changed now. You make me happy. You have always been worth it to me. There's a reason why there are zero songs about easy love. You gave me a reason to believe in love." He reached over to grab one hand while his thumb caressed her index. "I meant it then and I mean it now. I could take not having a family, yes it was a dream but that I could take it or leave it. But, not having you in my life. No, that'd crush my soul."

He knew she had put pressure on herself when it came to building a family of their own back before any of this sitting before them became reality which had come with its own tribulations. "Whether we had one or none at all, the only thing that'd matter to me is you. How I could best continue to make you fall in love with me." That thought alone mortified him to no end. The remnants of what had transpired way back before they were even a thing still ran through his mind like old sitcom reruns. He gave her hand a gentle squeeze before a soft whispered no slipped past his lips. "In every and any universe I'd come find you. We're soul lobsters."

"I'll tell you, some people would do anything to get out of hearing baby shark for the millionth time. Even take a nap," he again couldn't help but tease his wife. All he wanted was to make her smile even though he'd prepare himself for an eye roll or two. Turning serious he nodded and was relieved she'd agreed to take that nap. "Once you're up maybe the house won't be so bare." A challenge he was up to for sure while chasing around their tiny whirlwinds and getting one room unpacked.

He couldn't help but chuckle, she was right in the fact that this wasn't their first rodeo but that still didn't stop him from worrying. Things went wrong all the time as evident by the many trials and tribulations they had gone through already. "Fair," he tried to smile through his concern. "You know I'll always be worried up until the very last moment. Maybe some after." A soft chuckle escaped but nodded. "If you need anything you know," he kissed her cheek. "I'm here." His face morphed into playfulness and scoffed. "You do deserve me. Actually deserve this and more. Don't you forget it. Especially on my birthday." He added cheekily.

Wally couldn't help but smile as he finished off his bite. "I am much more interested in knowing what mama wants as her first animal." Truthfully, he hadn't thought about it. He knew that penguin and a flamingo would be on the list. Though those two would need to be in a sanctuary than their actual land. But he did once think horses were fun. Before he got thrown from one on his aunt's ranch. Getting back on a horse seemed to be coming back to him. Finishing his bite he wiped his mouth and chuckled. "This is hard because any animal is hard to start off with. But saying that, I have a little bit more experience with horses." And by bit more it wasn't by much. He just knew how to feed them and muck their stalls. He didn't need to look in Isa's direction to know that she knew what she had desired was on the verge of coming true. "So, horses maybe a pony and not gonna lie. I think a baby goat would be super cute." Looking in their children's direction he warned, "But, mama is right. We can't get animals until the land is ready and we've settled. There may be visits to uncle Andy's ranch in the future though."

[madwomansapologist]

being Wanda Maximoff s/o would include

Masterlist | Rules | Taglist | Library | More Wanda Maximoff | AO3

synopsis: being Wanda Maximoff, the Scarlet Witch, s/o is so worth it.

ps: request from my beloved @witchthewriter

• Wanda isn't used to let her guard down. She is always ready for fight but most of all she is always ready for loss something. Wanda start creating barriers between her and the world, thinking that she won't be sad anymore, but it didn't work

• When you enter her life, she could feel the fear only getting bigger. You're so sweet, Wanda didn't want you to get hurt, but you showed her that she wasn't responsible for any harm

• Wanda is a very protective, will always be ready to fight if that means that you are safe. She is always waiting for monsters or villains, but also deals with rude people if thats what is making you umcomfortable

• No one hurt her girl, either phisically or emotionally, and that includes yourself. If she ever hears you talking bad about yourself or feel that you aren't treating yourself right she would be armed with hugs, kisses and words of affirmation

• I will literally fight anyone who says she is not the best hugger of all times and realities, I dare you to say this to my face and still alive

• She would bought your favorites flowers every friday and put them on a pretty vase in the middle of the tabble. Wanda won't say a word about it and will act like she haven't done one of the most romantic moves of the history, but always blush when sees your reaction

• She is so great at romance, in a way that makes you think she takes classes on it. Flowers? Every week. Dinners at fancy restaurants? Whenever she wants to see your happy dance when eats something you like. Picnics? If its raining she will use a little bit of magic to be sure you aren't getting soaked. Kiss in the middle of the rain? She will literally dances with you in the middle of a storm. But the truth? She watchs so many sitcoms that the majority of ver toughts are: what would Chandler do in my place? So, yeah, she kinda of take classes on it

• Your fights aren't something that happens all the time, but when is does is not you against her but you both against the problem. You hate when she start talking in her native language in the middle of the fight, but after some time you are more intriged about her accent then the reason of the fight

• She is a homeboy. Will always ratter stay inside, watch a funny movie than going to a party. She likes when you lay your head on her lap so she can watch your reactions

• She feel so peacefull when you read to her. Your tone of voice, the way it changes for every character, how you forget which line you we're on. After noticing that you like to read before going to bed, Wanda will often sleep hearing your voice

• She tried to make you learn how to fight, but well... you aren't exactly good at it. Whenever she needs to protect you against villains she uses her magic, you would never said because she would be kinda of upset but you wish there are more villains in the city if that means she would make you fly across the sky to a safe place. I mean, you aren't flying but it was almost the same thing

• You would be a great friend of Clint. Sometimes you both would look at Wanda and the conversation goes like: "damn, her spine must be broken"

• Pietro would totally love you. At first he would be worried about your intentions, but after he sees that you make Wanda happy he would treat you like part of the family

• She feels jealous, most when you are around someone "normal", she is really affraid that one day you wake up and realizes that she is not what you want for your live. Will act like she is not feeling anything at all, but her face says everything. Nothing that a good session of making out wouldn't fix

• And talking about that, she is pretty good at kissing. Will always have something at her hands. Will hold you like you are the most precious thing of her life, because you are, or the most beautiful person she had ever seen, because you are

NSFW 🎟️ (minors, is time to sleep)

• Two words: magic hands. You really do think she won't use that? Such a innocent thought

• She loves role playing! You wanna be a nurse? Go on. Teacher, preacher, scientist? Bingo. Would you like to go to a bar, pretend you don't know one another and flirt? You must be her soulmate. Do you have any movie our series you are absolutely in love? Prepare yourself because she is own her way to make you happy

• She is creative, her powers gonna be so useful. I am serious: she gonna find a way to spicy things up with magic

• For role playing she could make a hole set on your bedroom. Any place you both feel like being at the time

• She is not really into being watched by others, but if you do like that she will hapilly create a scenerio we're you both are outside the house. It would felt so real that you are even going to be embarassed

• She likes to be tied up. By your hands, ropes, clothes, anything at all. She likes to feel that you are the only person that could touch her. The only person that could see her

• Sex with her is funny. Its about laughing at some reactions, not minding about anything besides pleasure and not having fear to surrender yourself to one another. That are so much trust between you both that it leads to completely honesty

• She loves your tits. She could hold them at any moment, even not sexual, just grab them while you cook something for yourself. And when the moment is right, damn, she is the best at foreplay

if you enjoyed, please reblog! i promise it makes a difference ♡

@ madwomansapologist.tumblr.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Looking for a Place to Happen

Warnings: non-consent sex and rape (series), age gap, general stupidity.

This is dark!biker!Sam Wilson x reader and explicit. 18+ only.  Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Series Synopsis: There’s lots happening in Birch and you find it all too amusing.

Sister series to Smalltown Bringdown, When the Weight Comes Down, Little Bones, and Fully Completely

Note: We’re starting Sam’s installment but this weekend I’ll probably only be catching up on my headcanons and drabbles because I’ve been a lazy bitch and I’m sorry to those who have been waiting.

Thanks to everyone for their patience and feedback. :)

I really hope you enjoy. 💋

<3 Let me know what you think with a like or reblog or reply or an ask! Love ya!

Chapter 1: I've got a job, I explore

💀💀💀

The sleepy town of Birch was awake. 

In those last weeks, the arrival of outsiders had roused the attention of many once passive residents of the timeless territory. Those brick buildings unchanged by the tick of the clock inlaid into the old tower above the library that chimed every hour on the hour. They still stood with only chips in the mortar but the air tasted different. The frost was more bitter and the sky more grim. An omen of something no one could predict.

It was the perfect setting for a screenplay. The isolated town with its unsavoury secrets and the visitors who threatened to bring them to the surface. It was inspiring to you, to imagine what was hidden behind the stern wrinkled faces of the town elders and under the jackets of those men who wore the cut of the local club. The bikers ruled the town covertly but everyone knew that Bucky Barnes’ palm was lined with the map of Birch.

As a bystander, an unnoticed observer, just another ant in the hill, you watched from the side and amused yourself with the drama of others. It was like a soap opera or another HBO hype machine. Those things you aspired to when you could be free of this ho-hum town.

The snows added to the natural gloom of the place. The deep heaps smothered the noise and harkened back to those days of colonial settlement. Forgotten, desolate, fearful. 

You ventured down in your heavy boots that stretched to your knees and pushed your chin down into your scarf. As a child, you ran and jumped in those piles, now you were out of breath just trying to walk past them.

You stopped in the bakery that doubled as the only café, a place where the owner, Babs, tried to to intimidate the last caffeinated trends. She was always a few seasons behind but you didn’t mind so much. 

You ordered the salted caramel mocha and waited patiently as the quiet woman fought with the steaming machines. She was older than you but you’d work with her for one summer during high school, only five years ago. She had the eyes of a child still, but there was something worn in her. As if she’d been exposed to far too much in her three or so decades in that place. She was a harbinger of what you didn’t want to become.

You thanked her for your drink and set out once more into the billowing winds. Birch winters were never kind but this one was crueler than most. Your teeth chattered as you blew the steam away from the lid and hugged it with your mittened hands.

You stopped short as you heard the familiar ding of the diner door across the street. You recognised the mechanic who kept to herself and once growled at you in the grocery store. She stormed across the street, followed closely and quickly by a black-haired man you’d only seen once before. He was one of those outsiders who came to deal with the club men.

You sped up as you sensed chaos brewing and pulled out your phone as you balanced your paper cup in your other hand. You flicked your camera on just as you got to the front of the shop and the man grabbed the mechanic. You let out an ‘oop’ as she turned on him and you aimed the lens at the couple as they fell into the snow, the man’s shoes giving little traction to his steps. 

You moved closer, stunned by the scene, and kept your cell phone rolling as you found a better angle around the snowy walks. As she choked him on the ground he elbowed her and she coughed as she rolled away. She snarled as he clamoured to his feet, slipping and sliding as he marched away.

You killed the recording and watched the man cross the street again, nearly wiping out as he did and when you looked back to the mechanic, she was gone behind the clattering door. You chuckled to yourself and tucked away your cell. It was prime footage for TikTok; with a bit of editing, it would be comedy gold.

💀

You stomped up the steps of your grandmother’s house, this time through the front door as you heard her chair rocking in the front room. You usually took the stairs in the back as you paid her to live on the upper floor of the duplex. You checked in with her daily, she didn’t get out much more than the occasional trip to the grocery store when you couldn’t or you dragged her out to join you for a tea at Babs’.

“You’re late,” she grumbled as you set your cup down and unzipped your coat.

“For what?” you scoffed.

“It’s after noon and you don’t even come down to say hello? A ‘good morning, nan’,” she harrumphed.

You chuckled and hung your coat before shoving your boots over on the mat. You grabbed your mocha and leaned on the doorway as you watched her crocheting in her chair, reruns of some court show playing from the boxy television.

“I was working,” you said, “sent in some stuff for review. Hopefully not much work to be done.”

“I don’t know how you make money on that interweb,” she bemoaned, “I don’t trust it.”

“Maybe you’d trust it more if you used the Netflix subscription I got you,” you crossed your arms, “then you wouldn’t have to watch trash daytime TV.”

She shrugged and muttered under her breath. She could be crotchety but you liked her sense of humour. Your aunts and uncles never came around because they just took it as spite. You were the only one who knew how to handle the jaded old lady.

“Maybe you coulda looked out the window,” you snickered, “quite a show going on in town.”

“Hmm, what’s that?” she stilled her needles and reached for her tea stained cup.

“Just a fight. You wouldn’t believe it, that lady mechanic beat the shit--”

“Language,” she huffed.

“Anyway, she had this guy in a chokehold. It was awesome.”

“What guy?” she squinted at you over her glasses.

“I dunno. Some out of towner. Remember I told you about that burly dude hanging around the library?”

“There’s more?” she sucked on her teeth, “those bikers have never been good news and now they’re bringing in more.”

“Yeah, well, what’re you gonna do?” you sniffed as you took out your phone and rewatched the scuffle with the volume down. You shook your head and opened up your TikTok. 

“I don’t understand why you’re always on your dang phone,” your grandmother pestered.

“I’m not always on my phone,” you smiled at her smugly, “there are those time when I’m listening to you prattle on or you know, making you tea, oh, and cooking you dinner. What was it I did last week? Oh that’s right, I got Pippin out of the crawlspace.”

“I’m too old to be chasin’ that cat all around,” she huffed, “where is he anyway?”

“He’s your cat, I don’t know? Last time I saw him, I sent him back out the window for shredding my charger.”

“He knows you need to give it a rest,” she laughed to herself, “got your nose to that screen too much.”

“And what do you do, old lady? Crocheting doilies to put where exactly?”

She gave you that dry smile, the one that said watch it but carried a hint of humour still. You hit post and put your phone away as you waved off her irritation.

“Well, you know what, I sit all day at my computer, doing who knows what and you know what it got me?” you taunted, “a large mocha!” you sipped as you sat on the sofa and grabbed the remote, “and it’s paying my rent and putting bullet points on my resume.”

“Mhmm,” she scowled, “just remember, real life ain’t online. Those videos you’re always laughing at like hyena, that’s not reality. You forget it and it’ll come back and bit you. ‘Specially with those bikers.”

“Oh, nan, you know too well, don’t you? Didn’t you have a fling with one back in your hippie phase?”

“Two, actually,” she raised her brows, “I was young and stupid. Not like you, but still.”

“I love you too,” you chirped and sipped from your cup, flicking the station to Jerry Springer, “that’s more like it.”

💀

Your usual TikToks were sarcastic and dull complaints about your small town life. The response was less than pleasing but it gave you an outlet to vent. You liked to goof around and document the very specific type of weirdos that resided in Birch. But the video of the fight in the snow blew up your phone and made it difficult to ignore the buzzing as you went back up to your room to eke out the last of your captions for the ad agency.

When at last you could call your day hard-earned, you logged off and sent in your hours to the agency. Social media promotion was easy enough but the working gigs for a thousand different companies was tedious. You hoped you could build your portfolio enough to manage a single corporate page as you continued to chip away at your creative outlets.

You picked up your phone as you waited for Netflix to load on your tiny smart tv and flopped onto your bed, not two feet from your desk. You hit the icon in the upper panel of your phone and scrolled through the notifications, pausing to turn on another episode of the cable sitcom from ten years before. You snorted as you read each comment but the number under the video made your eyes round. The thing was bound to go viral.

As usual, you went down to help with supper. Pippin, the orange tabby, returned to cry at his dish and you fed him too. Your nan peered through her glasses at a crossword as she tasted the tangy pasta sauce. 

“More basil,” she snipped.

“Well, I asked if you wanted to help,” you muttered, “I think it’s good.”

“Hmmp, I need milk,” she jutted her chin out, “for my after-dinner tea.”

“You couldn’t say something like three hours ago?” you blinked.

“I could have but I didn’t,” she snickered. You rolled your eyes and she took another forkful of penne and filled in another line on her puzzle, “ah, no hurry, girlie, you know I’m patient.”

“Patient? You?” you chuckled as you took your plate and shoved it in the microwave to keep it warm. The ancient thing had a dial and the door stuck, “I’ll just go get it over with.”

“Don’t forget your mitts,” she called after you as you tramped into the front room, “it’s cold.”

You pulled on your knitted cap and matching mitts. You zipped up your parka and shoved your feet into the deep boots. You grabbed your wallet and buried it in the spacious pocket. You bounced out the front door and down the steps as the sky sent down another coat of powder for the night.

You went up White Forge Street and through the short path behind the diner that led to the main road. You glanced over at The Asp, the beacon of the dull town, and turned towards the grocer. Like anywhere in Birch, the store was outdated and stuffy. It felt like stepping into another time with the paper bags and chunky tills.

You went down the center aisle and stopped at the fridge to search through the frosted glass. Your nan only drank whole milk and the last time you carelessly grabbed skim, she whined that even Pippin wouldn’t drink it. She was particular but that was just her nature. You couldn’t say you were any less fussy in some instances.

You grabbed a jug and the door slapped closed against the worn rubber seal. You headed up the candy aisle and brushed your woolly thumb over your chin as you considered gummy bears or Reeses’ Pieces.

“Hard choice?” The deep voice jolted you.

You snatched the box of chocolate and looked over at the man in leather, his chin tucked down behind the collar as snow dusted his shoulders.

“Sure,” you said as you brushed past him.

The cut of the leather told you he was better not entertained. While you thought the men amusing, you weren’t stupid enough to engage with them. You rarely listened to your grandmother but she was wise in her own way. 

You knew a girl in highschool, she was fucking around with one of the club men in her junior year, she ended up with a baby and no support. You didn’t think he was into you that way but he could hardly have innocent intentions.

“How’s the old lady?” Clayton asked as he rung in your order at the end of the belt, you moved along with the groceries and pulled out your wallet.

“The usual, you know? She’s tryna quit again. Don’t know how long it’ll last.”

“Oh yeah? I’ll keep a carton aside for her,” he kidded as you felt your phone vibing in your back pocket.

“Don’t encourage her,” you swiped your card and punched in your pin, “although I don’t know what’s worse; the smoke or her sucking on those mints all the time.”

“Oh, it’s not the bitchin’?” he laughed.

“That, too,” you scooped up the paper bag and put your wallet away, “have a good one.”

As you came to the end of the first counter, you were nearly cut off by the club member as he swept around from till two. His own purchase of a car magazine and jerky was tucked under his arm.

“Ah, sorry,” he smiled, a sparkling smile, almost charming.

“No worries,” you continued on and he followed close behind.

“Those mitts look real warm. ‘Specially in this weather,” he said as you pushed open the door.

“Uh huh,” you kept on as your boots crunched out into the snow.

“You know where I can get a pair. Leather isn’t exactly thermal, you know?”

“These? My nan made ‘em. I’m sure Clayton got some hung up back there,” you looked across the street as you stepped up onto the ledge of snow between the sidewalk and the road.

“Am I bothering you?” he asked.

You looked at him dumbly and almost laughed in his face. You glanced back across the street then down towards The Asp.

“Sorta,” you answered.

“Make you a deal. Leave ya alone for your name.”

You eyed him. He was older than you like many of the Commandos. At least a decade, likely more than that. You chewed on your hesitation and cradled the bag more firmly against your side. His eyes strayed as he tried to see through the thick layer of your coat.

“Nah, I’m not s’posed to talk to strangers,” you said and hopped off onto the road.

You heard him behind you as he struggled to follow and as you came up to the other side, he came parallel with you and kept stride with you easily.

“I know you’re young but you’re not a kid,” he intoned, “what’s the harm in a name?”

“It’s a small town,” you stopped short of the end of White Forge, “I think I know enough about you to avoid you.”

“Oh ho, is that it? Well, I’m Sam, I’m not a stranger now, am I?”

“Not interested, Sam. Sure there’s women your own age over at the bar,” you nodded behind him.

“You wanna come see? Maybe have a drink?” he gave a crooked grin.

“You don’t give up, do you?” you shook your head, put off by his forwardness.

“Well?”

“Not tonight, Sam,” you turned around and headed down White Forge.

“Then what night?” he asked but you didn’t answer and he didn’t follow.

You turned down onto your street and refused to look back in case. It would be best not to mention the run-in to your nan, she was paranoid enough as it was. Besides, you’d forget about it by the end of next week.

[vindelllas]

the beauty of uttara ashadha 🌞🐘:

🐘 naomi campbell: uttara ashadha lagna

*MAJOR TW// i discuss a lot of potentially triggering topics, i.e. abuse and racism. some of the uttara ashadha natives i exhibit and talk about are known for their terrible behavior and scandals. i do not condone their offensive and ignorant behavior. they are simply being shown to solidify my opinions on the nature of this nakshatra*

as you read this post, please listen to this uttara ashadha playlist i made for the full experience: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/207xxveKWd1TlN12Sr5GAW?si=G5F-Hd3_SHui2PYViP8hkQ

🌞 in the krittika nakshatra, we saw the fiery combination of kuja’s rashi and surya’s vimshottari rulership. krittika represents the cosmic fire of purification, as kuja is the planet of leadership, chandra is the planet denoting our mental state, and surya is the embodiment of the true yang path. in the uttara phalguni nakshatra, we saw the giving and serving nature of surya shine through the solar embodiment of aryaman and the leo rashi. buddha bestowed this nakshstra with the ability to sense areas of need within others and find the best ways to solve others’ issues and realign them with their dharma path. in uttara ashadha, we see these natives embody the cosmic fire we once witnessed in krittika and eventually learn to master the importance of finding yourself in your soul. as compared to looking to the accomplishments you have helped others succeed in for personal reaffirmation (a problem uttara phalguni natives struggle with). uttara ashadha’s ruling deities will serve as their cosmic guides through these deeply purifying solar states.

🌌 the deities of uttara ashadha are the ten vishvadevas, the ten universal gods. in sanskrit, vishvadevas translates to “all-knowing or omniscient”. these ten gods represent the evolution of uttara ashadha natives’ lives: vasu (meaning brilliance or wealth-giver), satya (being truthful in one's thought, speech, and action), kratu (strength and willpower), daksha (rituals and people), kala (time and death), kama (cosmic desire and creative impulse), dhriti (steadiness and retention), kuru (ancestors), pururavas (abundance, surya, brightness), and madravas (zenith of joy). let’s take a closer look at a few of these deities to examine the path of uttara ashadhas.

✨ satya, loosely translating to "truth/essence", is equated with and considered necessary to the concept of rta. rta means order, rule, and truth. rta is the principle of natural order which regulates and binds the collective universe and all of it’s inhabitants. in the hymns of the vedas, rta is said to be what is ultimately responsible for the proper functioning of the natural, moral, and sacrificial union of life. due to this, rta is said to uphold dharma. satya gives birth to the possibility of rta, due to satya’s regulatory and binding nature. truth (satya) is considered to be essential and without it the universe and reality falls apart and, therefore, can longer function. this is why satya is also considered to be our essence, the core of our being. truth is considered to be a form of alignment with the divine. the whole foundation of christianity, and most prominent religions, stress abiding in your cosmic truth. in the book of james 1:18, it reads “of his own will he brought us forth by the word of truth, that we should be a kind of firstfruits of his creatures.”. when we welcome the essence of satya, we flourish in internal beauty and the truth blooms and beams on our physical surface.

👠 this internal radiance of satya is the reason the solar nakshstras, primarily uttara ashadha, are one of the top placements for prominent models like victoria’s secret angels. such as, stella maxwell (krittika surya and uttara ashadha chandra), behati prinsloo (krittika surya and uttara phalguni chandra), chanel iman (krittika chandra), doutzen kroes (uttara ashadha surya), marth hunt (uttara ashadha chandra), josephine skriver (uttara ashadha chandra), karolina kurkova (uttara ashadha chandra), jac jagaciak (uttara ashadha surya), erin heatherton (uttara ashadha chandra), etc.. solar beauty radiates like the sun illuminating drops of midnight dew on crisp greenery or radiating and reflecting the vast sky on to the indigo crests of waves. solar beauty is a beauty that often goes unnoticed for a long time, only to be rediscovered for it’s rich depths. it is like when one is too focused on looking downward at the earth’s greenery and ocean, only to forget the beautiful light that illuminates these beautiful forms of nature. solar beauty radiates and encompasses the native as a whole. it gleams and shines like the bright surya. this is why we see uttara ashadha natives brimming with warm and olive undertones, freckles or beauty marks, and shiny hair. they embody the cosmic youth and the truth that nourishes “the firstfruits of creatures”. this is why solar women are so aesthetically pleasing to the eye, as they cause sensory overload, modeling the act of one’s eyes hurting from looking at the sun for too long.

👁 according to the rigveda, the antithesis of rta and surya are anrita and asatya, meaning falsehood. falsehood is considered to be a form of misconduct. satya includes factuality, reality, truth and reverence. satya is our past, current and future. it is considered to be the functioning of our world. the falsehood of anrita and asatya are reflected in surya’s association with the right eye. in the christian religion, the right eye signifies the evil from which is falsity and the left eye is the falsity through which is evil. in zechariah 11:17, it states “woe to the worthless shepherd that deserteth the flock! the sword shall be upon his arm, and upon his right eye; his arm withering shall wither, and his right eye darkening shall be darkened”. in this scripture, the arm is said to denote the power of truth applied to confirm evil (satya). the right eye symbolizes the memory and knowledge of good applied to confirm falsity. the shepherd represents one who teaches truths, leading others along the path of dharma. in matthew 5:29-30, jesus spoke, “if thy right eye hath caused thee to stumble, pluck it out, and cast it from thee. and if thy right hand hath caused thee to stumble, cut it off, and cast it from thee; it is better for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not thy whole body be cast into gehenna”. surya’s rulership of the right eye is why uttara ashadha natives frequently struggle with eye issues. because of this, uttara ashadha natives usually wear glasses or contacts and become associated with/profit off of their glasses. for example, george clooney (uttara ashadha chandra) has several articles written about his persol glasses. cary grant’s (uttara ashadha surya and chandra) estate collaborated with the brand “olivers people” to create a line of successful eyewear. the sunglasses grant wore in the 1959 hollywood classic north by northwest is characterized as a sunglasses design that is the epitome of classic style. dave bautista (uttara ashadha surya and chandra) once said he often wears sunglasses because it helps him to cope with his social anxiety disorder. bautista once said, “i would rather wear sunglasses than stand on the red carpet.”. actors like zooey deschanel (uttara ashadha surya, chandra and lagna) and jane levy (uttara ashadha chandra) are known for playing roles that involve their characters wearing glasses. many articles have been written about zooey deschanel’s glasses on the television show “new girl” and jane levy’s glasses on the sitcom “suburgatory”. glasses act as a sharpening tool that allows to better see our environment, our truth. glasses reflect our surroundings onto the eyes of those who look through the pair of sunglasses on another person. they serve as objects cycling the truth of the wearer and beholder, in a way, it rejects the falsity of illusion and completely embraces realignment with truth, while serving as a protective medium between the native and others. believing that we have the lenses of reality within each of us. what you see is what you get or what you see is what you are, as far as eternity is concerned, abiding in satya. it is believed that our beliefs are the lenses through which one sees the world. what one believes determines your focus (kratu) and in turn your actions. one sees things as they believe they are, not as things really are, but rather as one is. if one’s beliefs are based on truth, your figurative glasses will allow you to see eternity from the rta/satya perspective. however, if your belief lenses are made from anrita and asatya, you will see illusions and falsehood reflective of the state of your soul.

☀️ there is a particular effect called photo-bleaching. photo-bleaching happens to the cells in your retina in the back of your eye. these cells are called rods and cones, and these cells are full of light sensitive pigments. light comes in the form of particles, called photons, in your eye; these stimulate the cells by changing this light sensitive pigment, which is called retinal, into a different form and they stimulate the cells to send electrical impulses to your brain. if you look at the sun for a long period of time, this sends the cells into overdrive and it takes them time to calm down. after you finish looking at the sun and you look at a normal level of light, like a plant, you get black spots where you've been looking at light where the cells have been over stimulated. this is the essence of solar beauty. it leaves a lasting impact on the eyes of others and it is hard to forget their presence. their warmth lingers, stays, and satiates others like the deity kama.

🐘 kate moss: uttara ashadha surya

🐾 uttara ashadha’s yoni is the male mongoose. the male mongoose are sometimes solitary, but most live in colonies. the average colony is made up of roughly twenty mongooses. those who live in these colonies will take turns being sentinels. sentinels stand on their hind legs on higher ground, looking all around them for danger. if they spot a potential threat, they will let out a loud scream that acts as an alarm call that lets the rest of the colony members know they should retreat to safety. when operating in their light state, uttara ashadhas act as the male mongoose by being the sentinel of their surroundings. they act as a guide to those around them and try to ensure the safety of others. they stand tall like the symbolic mongoose, mirroring the phallic force, and usher those into the light of achievement. this is why we see so many uttara ashadha natives appear in musical groups, as they are the glue that binds their surroundings together. but this intense binding begins to darken, it is often people will become obsessed with their great achievements and warmth and try to bring the native down with jealousy and harm. zayn malik (uttara ashadha) was known to be a part of a popular musical group, “one direction” and reportedly left the group in 2015, due to him feeling left out by the group and not liking the music they created. jennie (uttara ashadha surya) from “blackpink” was the main rapper of the group and was the first one to debut a solo single. nicki minaj (uttara ashadha lagna) was once apart of the popular rap group “young money”, but decided to further pursue her career as a solo artist. baby spice (uttara ashadha surya) was in the famous 90s girl group “spice girls”. a common theme amongst these natives is maintaining peace and upholding an image. uttara ashadhas are determined to succeed at any cost and many individuals subconsciously sense this and abuse their power. they view uttara ashadha as a never-ending vessel of determination and willpower and abuse this by treating these natives poorly, as they know the native will do anything to maintain peace for prosperity.

🐢 this foundation of determination and willpower is correlated to the auspicious elephant. the elephant itself is quite common in most religious traditions and mythologies. elephants are widely considered to be a positive omen and are sometimes revered as deities, symbolizing strength and wisdom. there is an ancient hindu belief of “world elephants”. the amarakosha states the names of eight male elephants who bare the world (in addition to eight unnamed female elephants). the names of the male elephants are airavata, pundarika, vamana, kumunda, anjana, pushpa-danta, sarva-bhauma, and supratika. there are four elephants that are believed to support the earth from the four different directions. in the ramayana, they are listed as the viroopaaksha (supporting the east), mahaapadma (supporting the south), saumanasa (supporting the west), and bhadra (supporting the north). while the knowledge on this subject is very limited, chukwa, the tortoise, is said to support the elephant mahaapadma which in turn supports the world. chukwa’s tortoise translation is not set in stone and can also be interpreted as a water snake (rahu), denoting the foundation of earthly desires is rahu. chukwa (rahu, earthly foundation/desires) cannot exist without mahaapadma (ketu, spiritual liberation), as a head may not exist without a body. it was once said: “on the wondrous dais rose a throne, and he its pedestal whose lotus hood with ominous beauty crowns his horrible sleek folds, great mahapudma; high displayed he bears the throne of death. there sat supreme with those compassionate and lethal eyes, who many names, who many natures holds; yama, the strong pure hades sad and subtle, dharma, who keeps the laws of old untouched.”.

🐘 wisdom is said to be represented by the elephant in the form of lord ganesha, one of the most popular gods in hindu mythology. lord ganesha is said to have the head of an elephant which was put on after the human head was either cut off or burned. lord ganesha is associated with new beginnings, success, and the removing of obstacles (as the act of removing one’s head is symbolic of removing rahu, essentially one’s desires). lord ganesha is said to be the deity of ketu, due to ketu being the moksha karaka and our source of liberation. ketu is said to bestow immense knowledge, spirituality, and luxury, when properly placed. if a native has an inauspiciously placed ketu in their natal chart, it is said praying to lord ganesha may aid the native. the smoky and prosperous nature of ganesha is exhibited in many rituals involving the symbolism of the elephant, in particular, the cameroonian practice of the bamiléké tribesmen. the bamiléké are often known for their intricately beaded masquerades, including the impressive elephant mask.

🎭 masquerades are considered to be a very integral part of the bamiléké culture. these masquerades take place during special events such as funerals, palace festivals, and other royal ceremonies. the masks are performed by men and aim to support and enforce royal authority (assuming the natural masculine leadership and dictation of surya). the power of the bamiléké king, the fon, is primarily represented by the elephant. the fon may transform into either an elephant or leopard whenever he chooses. their elephant mask, called a “mbap mtengis” a mask, has protruding circular ears, a human like face, decorative panels on the front and back that hang down to the knees and are covered in deeply intricate, geometric beadwork including much triangular imagery (symbolic of the solar force that is the triangular-like formation of an elephant’s large ears and protruding trunk, mirroring the phallic pyramid). occasionally, the fon may allow members of the community to perform with an elephant mask along with a leopard skin, conveying wealth, status and power by shielding one’s face. this act of covering one’s face is symbolic of sacrificing one’s identity (rahu) for the purpose of attaining moksha karaka (ketu). by the bamiléké fons covering their face with an elephant mask, they bring an association and representation of power, strength and prosperity (lord ganesha).

🌟 this sacrifice of self association and identity and the smoky nature of the bamiléké tribe represents the nature of uttara ashadha. it is often wondered why uttara ashadhas have such a dark and vampiric aesthetic, as this is the nature of sacrificing one’s identity. the spiritually devoting nature of these natives causes a detachment from their identity to embrace their higher power. beyoncé (an uttara ashadha ketu native) was once famous for her shiny, flashy, and glamorous y2k aesthetic. in the recent years, we have seen beyoncé move towards a less flashy, but equally captivating and prosperous, lifestyle. in a way, she sacrificed her y2k/flashy identity and received more prosperity and healing in return. in her latest visual album “black is king”, we saw her collaborate with numerous placements of uttara ashadha, such as wizkid (uttara ashadha shani atmakaraka) and jessie reyez (uttara ashadha rahu), to illustrate the importance of coming back to your familial routes and finding identity within your ancestors (it is important to note, out of my survey of fifty contributors and artists on the album, uttara ashadha was by far the most prominent atmakaraka placement). in this visual album, we see numerous african masks that call to mind the smoky, spiritual nature of ketu and the self-sacrificing and giving qualities of surya in his highest state (uttara ashadha).

🐘 christie brinkley: uttara ashadha chandra

🥘 the mahavidya associated with surya is matangi. she is the tantric goddess known for her wisdom, knowledge, and bestowing power. according to the shaktisamgama-tantra, the birth of ucchishta-matangini is as follows: the god vishnu and his wife lakshmi visited shiva and his second wife parvati and gave them a banquet of fine foods. while eating the banquet, the deities dropped some food on the ground, from which created a beautiful maiden who asked for their leftovers. vishnu, lakshmi, shiva, and parvati granted the maiden their left over food as prasad (meaning food made sacred by having been first consumed by a deity). this act can be interpreted as the ucchishta of the deity, it is important to note that due to the negative connotation the word ucchishta, it is never explicitly used in connection to prasad. shiva then stated that those who repeat mantangi’s mantra and worship her will have their material desires satisfied and gain control over foes, declaring her the giver of boons. from that day on, the maiden was referred to as ucchishta-matangini. because of matangi’s humble origin, she is often described as an outcast and impure. she is often associated with pollution, due to her relation to outcast communities. the humble mantangi is regarded as a tantric form of the goddess saraswati, the goddess of knowledge and the arts of mainstream hinduism. matangi and saraswati share many traits in that regard. both goddesses embody music and are depicted playing the veena. both are said to be the nada (sound or energy) that flows through the nadi channels in the body through which prana flows. these goddesses are related to rain clouds, thunder, and rivers. by both governing learning and speech, saraswati embodies the orthodox knowledge of the brahmins, whereas matangi, the humble, wild, and ecstatic outcast, embodies the knowledge within that transcends the boundaries of mainstream society (hence, her associations with social pariahs).

🏆 whereas, uttara ashadha (उत्तराषाढ़ा) comes from the sanskrit words उत्तर (latter) and अषाढ (invincible). the meanings of uttara ashadha are said to be “the latter invincible one”, “latter victory”, or “the latter undefeated”. the term “latter” is derived from the latin word lætra, meaning slow or deliberate, this juxtaposition with invincibility, denotes resilience, power, and prosperity. the journey of uttara ashadhas are said to bevslow and lengthy (lætra), but in then end, they reach true success by embodying the humility and skillfulness of matangi. this correlates to uttara ashadha being the top placements for athletes, as the practice of exercising and bodily discipline requires a deep understanding of prana, the source of life (matangi). athletes must be able to control their breathing and abide in a clean environment to maintain proper focus and health. this is why prana is said to permeate reality on all levels, aligning our inner selves with the cosmic truth (surya/rta). indian philosophy describes prana as flowing in the nadis throughout the body. the number of nadis varies according to different texts and philosophies, but the three principal nadis run from the base of the spine to the head (areas traditionally associated with surya and the vimshottari-ruled surya nakshatras). they are the ida on the left, the sushumna in the center, and the pingala on the right. the nadis are said to play a role in many yogic practices, like shatkarmas, mudras, and pranayama. these practices are intended to open and unblock the nadis to allow life force to be abundant within all of us. the ultimate aim of some yogic practices are to direct prana into the sushumna nadi, enabling the kundalini to rise, and thus bring about moksha karaka, our liberation. in both the subtle and the causal body, the nadis are channels for our cosmic, vital, seminal, mental, and intellectual energies (our prana). this is why they are considered to be important for sensations, consciousness and the spiritual aura.

🥇 ida is traditionally associated with lunar energy. the word ida means "comfort" in sanskrit. ida possesses a moonlike nature and a distinct feminine energy with a cooling/yin effect. whereas, pingala is associated with solar energy. the word pingala means "orange" or "tawny" in sanskrit. pingala possesses a sunlike nature and masculine energy. pingala is warm/yang and courses throughout the right side of the body, whereas ida courses through the left side of the body. these nadis are often representative of the two hemispheres of the brain. pingala is the extroverted, solar nadi, and corresponds to left hemisphere of the brain. ida is the introverted, lunar nadi, and refers to the right hemisphere of the brain. this is due to the left hemisphere controlling the muscles on the right side of the body and the right hemisphere controlling those on the left, symbolic of the dualism of nature and our bodies. the ida nadi regulates all the mental, lunar processes while the pingala nadi regulates all the vital, solar processes. examples of uttara ashadha athlete natives who learned to balance the inner matangi and nadis within is the famous professional boxer muhammad ali (uttara ashadha surya) who was nicknamed “the greatest”. the olympic athlete marion jones (uttara ashadha chandra) who is a world champion track and field athlete and previous member of the WNBA. we also see a great abundance of athletes specifically having an uttara ashadha surya, such as matthias ginter, malek jaziri, claudio marchisio, tyler breeze, davie selke, pierre webó, and ehsan haddadi. as surya feels at home and comfortable in expressing it’s dualistic nature in this nakshatra. athletes and uttara ashadha natives are said to operate in the pingala mental state, but understand the importance of matangi and the balance of prana. as prana is considered to unite all elements and directions (recall the directional nature of the world elephants) within the body by aligning the ether element within, as how brihaspati and shani are both of the ether/air element and are crucial in reaching balance in our souls.

🐘 sasha pivovarova: uttara ashadha surya and chandra

🔥 uttara ashadha lies in the padas of sagittarius and capricorn. like all the surya-ruled nakshatras, vimshottari-wise, it bridges the nature of the fire element and the earth element. this denotes the karmic association of peak masculinity (fire) and the grounding femininity (earth). the elemental nature of earth represents the body. it is the densest element and creates the most heaviest psychological influence. it represents the practicalness and sensuality of nature, as a mongoose simply intuitively knows when to alert his group of danger or a goat knows which step to climb on a mountain. fire is the focus that lies within us and it corresponds to the digestion of life. fire is said to digest sensory impressions (water) and turn them into purposeful thoughts and ideas. as surya is said to calm the waters of the mind (chandra).

🌬 whereas, the air element correlates to intelligence and the movement within, essentially our prana. this deep level of intellect is why the elemental air/shani/brihaspati signs are seen in politics, as they know how to relate to others and appeal to society. these natives are highly social, conscientious, and understand the principles they abide by, hence their prevalence in politics. the element of ether is not to be confused with the principality of air. like air, ether is associated with conscientious but it is also the state of pure consciousness itself. ether transcends the physical elements (this is why rahu is said to be capable of air, as when rahu in his dark, illusionary state, he cannot transcend). ether is the witnessing of consciousness. it is the ability to perceive the process of intellect (air) and remain unidentified with it. it is our freedom and the closest to our state of satya. it serves as the freedom from the mind and body. it is detachment from our physical state of determination (fire), intellect (air), thoughts (water), and the sensuality of earth to go beyond our physical karma. as the ether knows detachment is the embodiment of true spiritual knowledge. this is why shani is said to both rule the ether element and be the higher state of rahu, as shani understands the power of going without for the purpose of the greater good.

🌳 both sagittarius and capricorn embody the final installment of the earth and fire rashis. sagittarius is the natural ninth house of higher education, wisdom, and spirituality. capricorn is the natural tenth house of power, ambition, and work. these houses are bridged under the leadership and guiding qualities of surya to create a distinct amount of material and mental wealth. this is why we see uttara ashadha natives feel called to work in areas such as politics, law, and economics, due to their spiritual and societal knowledge. the fall of uttara ashadha lies within the elemental composition of this nakshatra. too much fire leads to exaggerated levels of aggression. too much air causes sterility, dryness, and an ungrounded sense of life. too much earth brings stagnation and clinging. for example, george washington (uttara ashadha chandra) was known for his sex scandals, killings, and perpetuation of slavery. pope saint john xxiii (uttara ashadha chandra) was known for bending the rules in order to be ordained as the pope. jeb bush (uttara ashadha chandra) was known to be associated with high class drug dealers and lawsuits. abraham lincoln (uttara ashadha chandra) was known for his disagreement of slavery, despite being quite racist himself. these men operated in the stagnation, sterility, and energetic dullness that lied within their souls. they embraced the corrosive flames of fire and figuratively burned down what they did not respect. corazon aquino (uttara ashadha chandra) was regarded with high respect for combining traditional femininity with politics and her advocation for human rights and restoration of political power to civilians. aquino* (please see my note below) is an example of uttara ashadhas using their fiery determination to bring equality and justice to people, no matter the cost. they relate to the earthly parallels of society and know in order to gain equality, sacrifices of the self must be made. thus, they are the embodiment of yang.

💥 no matter the morals and principles of uttara ashadhas, we see uttara ashadha men being idolized and followed by the collective. the media is entranced by their yang embodiment and their negative behaviors are frequently ignored for the purpose of remaining idolized. consider uttara ashadha natives like russell crowe, bruce willis, george clooney, and matt damon. they have arose to great fame due to films like “die hard” or “ocean’s eleven”, because men idolize their pingala, tough, solitary, and strong exteriors and often try to imitate their actions. men subconsciously acknowledge the cosmic interplay of the masculine shani (capricorn), brihaspati (sagittarius), and surya, as they idolize the solitary state of the uttara ashadha mongoose: the one who has no yoni consort.

🪴 it is important to understand that capricorn itself is not a masculine sign. it is indeed the most feminine sign of the zodiac, due to it embodying the earthly nature of clinging to the tree as leaves do or grounding to the earth as clay. the over-ruler of capricorn, the planet shani, is often considered to be gender-neutral as the ether element itself transcends gender. shani simply molds the earthly, feminine clays of capricorn into greatness and abundance. examine the abundance of uttara ashadha, shravana, and dhanishta (whom all lie in the capricorn rashi). all of these nakshatras are famed for their looks, auras, and wealth.

* the lovely @/sakkurareadnt on twitter has brought to my attention that while aquino was the first president of the philippines to be a woman, she was not the one to solely change the power civilians have. it was the people of the philippines themselves who organized the revolution. aquino did believe in human rights and did well during her presidency, but the restoration of power to the people was primarily due to the movement of the citizens of philippines. i sincerely apologize for any confusion this may have caused 💗

🐘 fka twigs: uttara ashadha surya

☀️ due to surya being the fiery path within, the element fire is said to connects us to the sense of sight. ayurveda states anything we can see is touched by fire, as we abide in the state of solar satya. the element fire is called “tejas” in sanskrit and it is the third of the pancha mahabhutus (the five great elements). it is the third element because it evolves from the states of ether and air, containing the essence of these elements within it. ether energizes fire with the ability to find space to exist within. air bestows fire with the capacity of prana to burn. it is due to the element air, that fire will never be able to still within us. fire is said to represent the capacity for heat and light. it is the generator of energy in the body, modeling the behavior of how surya is the generator of energy for the entire solar system. it is said that fire is the process of liberating energy from its source.

⭐️ the tanmatra of vision, rupa, is the origin of the purifying fires. rupa means to form or color. the forms and colors of life are a direct result from our perception. rupa serves as the tanmatra, our unmanifested form of perception, light, and vision. fire binds with the sense of vision, as fire provides light for perception. the eyes serve as the channel through which light is digested and perception takes place. think of it this way, you cannot see what is ahead of you, if you simply have no light to illuminate your path. with uttara ashadha women specifically, we tend to see this struggle with male attention. women are naturally quite yin, but the peak pingala energy of uttara ashadha alters the manifestation of these natives. people are confused by these natives’ balanced and equalizing energy and flock to their perceived light like moths to a flame. in many cases, people are also insecure about the uttara ashadha native’s inner elemental balance and will choose to leave them. this is because uttara ashadha illuminates everything within their environment, including the vampiric energies of others.

✨ in the show “euphoria”, cassie (played by an uttara ashadha chandra native sydney sweeney), we see this internal dichotomy around male attention. cassie is described as a sweet and popular person, but has difficulty with navigating relationships. she grew up with an emotionally unavailable and irresponsible father who grew to only care for money. men are entranced by her energy and solely view her as a means of sexual pleasure. boys treat her as this shiny jewel, until she rejects or accepts their sexual advances, then she is viewed as promiscuous. the problem here is men become obsessed with uttara ashadha women, as they are obsessed with uttara ashadha men in film. they seek these natives’ fire and become disappointed when they come to find these natives have emotions and needs like any other person.

🌥 the movie “gone girl” is about a former writer and his glamorous wife amy (played by uttara ashadha chandra rosamund pike). they try to present a portrait of a blissful marriage to the public. when amy goes missing on the couple's fifth wedding anniversary, the writer becomes the prime suspect in her disappearance. the police pressure and media frenzy causes the couple's image of a happy union to crumble, leading to tantalizing questions about who they really are. throughout their relationship, amy tried to be the perfect girl who was the best wife she could be, but she felt she was never good enough. she changed her entire personality to conform to the wants of her husband. in the movie, she states (WARNING: THIS DOES CONTAIN GRAPHIC LANGUAGE): “men always say that as the defining compliment, don’t they? she’s a cool girl. being the cool girl means i am a hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes, and burping, who plays video games, drinks cheap beer, loves threesomes and ***l sex, and jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth like she’s hosting the world’s biggest culinary **** bang while somehow maintaining a size 2, because cool girls are above all hot. hot and understanding. cool girls never get angry; they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner and let their men do whatever they want. go ahead, sh*t on me, i don’t mind, i’m the cool girl. men actually think this girl exists. maybe they’re fooled because so many women are willing to pretend to be this girl. for a long time cool girl offended me. i used to see men – friends, coworkers, strangers – giddy over these awful pretender women, and i’d want to sit these men down and calmly say: you are not dating a woman, you are dating a woman who has watched too many movies written by socially awkward men who’d like to believe that this kind of woman exists and might kiss them. i’d want to grab the poor guy by his lapels or messenger bag and say: the b*tch doesn’t really love chili dogs that much – no one loves chili dogs that much! and the cool girls are even more pathetic: they’re not even pretending to be the woman they want to be, they’re pretending to be the woman a man wants them to be. oh, and if you’re not a cool girl, i beg you not to believe that your man doesn’t want the cool girl. it may be a slightly different version – maybe he’s a vegetarian, so cool girl loves seitan and is great with dogs; or maybe he’s a hipster artist, so cool girl is a tattooed, bespectacled nerd who loves comics. there are variations to the window dressing, but believe me, he wants cool girl, who is basically the girl who likes every thing he likes and doesn’t ever complain. (how do you know you’re not cool girl? because he says things like: “i like strong women.” if he says that to you, he will at some point **** someone else. because “i like strong women” is code for “i hate strong women.”)”.

⛅️ men view uttara ashadhas as this immovable and illustrious force of light. they assume they behave as uttara ashadha men do in their violent, “fight club”-esc films. this deep desire often leads to many uttara ashadha natives feeling the need to embrace a lifestyle of hyper-masculinity to compensate for their natural and human emotions. people crave these natives to be the hot, light, dry, rough, and sharp nature of fire itself. the people in these natives’ lives expect for themselves to be the inherent air that is within the nature of fire. after all, it is the element air that provides fire with its mobile quality. although the truest state of uttara ashadha is the subtle fire, their effects are the most prominent. when you approach fire, what do you feel first? the heat of the flames. this is why we associate the element fire with the fires we can see. as fire represents light, heat, luster, energy, understanding, and the power of transformation.

🌤 examine uttara ashadha natives like issa rae in “insecure”, jane levy in “zoey’s extraordinary playlist”, zooey deschanel in “new girl”, or the aforementioned women above. these natives will be repeatedly shunned for their emotional nature and sensitivities because we expect surya to be the silent source of satiability. to see this source of sustenance have feelings and needs, shocks the moth who was once attracted to the flame. the moth realizes that not everything is about their deepest carnal desires.

🐘 nina simone: uttara ashadha chandra

💪🏽 these natives are no stranger to standing up for the injustices of their era. while surya natives do struggle with unwanted expectations and internal dichotomies, this does not discredit the common belief that these natives serve as the celestial father who provides the vital force behind creation and its sustenance. surya natives’ strong will and individuality, coupled with their boldness and ambition, creates a wonderful passion for advocating for what they believe in. think of uttara ashadha native nina simone who was both musically talented and an advocate for civil rights. she used her talents and fame to shed light on a greater cause. simone once stated, “i had spent many years pursuing excellence, because that is what classical music is all about... now it was dedicated to freedom, and that was far more important.”. nicki minaj, another uttara ashadha native, is often regarded as the queen of rap and is known for advocacy for women’s rights and power. in an interview minaj said, “when you’re a girl you have to be everything… you have to be sexy, and you have to be this and you have to be that, and you have to be nice. it’s like, i can’t be all those things at once. i’m a human being.”. joan jett (an uttara ashadha native) stated: “i figured out it was a social thing, what women were allowed to do. at a very young age, i decided i was not going to follow women's rules.”.

🍯 this behavior correlates to one of the ten vishvadevas: kratu. kratu is the deity representative of strength. rishi kratu appeared in two different ages. kratu is one of the seven great sages (the saptarishis). these sages are said to have originated from the consciousness of brahma. kratu is sometimes even believed to have been born from his father's left eye. kratu was married to sannathi and it is believed the couple had sixty thousand children, which are referred to as balakhilyas. the balakhilyas were said to be the size of a thumb and lived alongside the bank of rivers. the balakhilyas were once insulted by deity indra, the king of celestial deities. by the power generated by their penance, they were able to please shiva. in turn, shiva gave him a boon that they would be able to produce a bird who could pull out the cosmic nectar from indra.

🪓 the story goes that prajapati daksha was the head of sacrifice. prajapati daksha held a grudge against rudra or (depending on the story) for his daughter sati marrying shiva against his wishes. prajapati daksha did not send even an invitation to shiva for the sacrifice. sati went to the sacrifice alone and was terribly insulted for marrying shiva by her family. sati then k*lled herself by by jumping into the sacrificial fire. upon hearing the news of sati, lord shiva became madden with rage. shiva pulled out a lock of hair from his head and threw it down, invoking the spirit of veerabhadra (or bhairava) shiva ordered veerabhadra to go with his followers and destroy everybody who attended the sacrifice, including prajapati daksha himself.

⚔️ veerabhadra and shiva’s followers then went and beheaded daksha. they began to punish each and every god who attended the holy sacrifice. they knocked out the teeth of pushan, removed the eyes of bhaga, and severed the two testicles of kratu. soon after, the gods went to shiva and begged for his mercy. shiva said that they should all serve under him as animals for a period of time; only then would they will regain their original status. all of the gods agreed to this. shiva then restored the teeth, eyes, and testicles of the different gods. daksha was also revived by placing the head of a goat on his neck (more on this in a later post). after kratu’s testicles were restored, he married sannati, the daughter of daksha. they were all described as small sages no bigger than the joint of the thumb and said to be chaste and pious.

⚱️ later on, rishi kratu was again born in the vaivasvata manvantara (seventh and current manvantara), due to lord shiva’s boon. in this cyclic period of time, kratu had no family. it is reported that kratu was born from the hand of lord bharma, whereas the other rishis are said to have been born from other parts of the body of brahma. because kratu had no family and no children, he adopted agastya’s son: idhvaaha.

⚒ uttara ashadha natives understand that sacrifices have to be made for the betterment of society, as the many gods were sacrificed by participating in the harmful behavior that caused sati to jump into the deadly fire. specifically, these natives understand the sacrifice of career and monetary stability for this cause. these natives learn to reject traditional associations of femininity and masculinity and learn the essence of all life is an equilibrium of both (symbolic of kratu being castrated, thus having the phallic force being altered). uttara ashadhas act as brahma’s hand in which birthed the deity of strength (kratu), by lending a helping hand to those in need and never forgeting the importance of where they come from. famous singers like nicki minaj, joan jett, and nina simone understood this and frequently put their careers on the line to ensure they were treated with the utmost respect. modeling the sacrificial sati, nina simone sacrificed her career in singing to devote her entire life to advocating for civil rights and joan jett devoted her entire career to breaking gender norms and stereotypes. what people fail to understand is the integrity these women have. whatever surya women choose to do, they will stand by their decision and suffer the consequences. they understand in order to command respect, you must garner accountability. the act of activism arguably runs much deeper than jupitarian women. as kratu was once said to have no family and be alone, surya natives feel the need to guide others as they wish they could have been guided at a young age. these natives choose to adopt the burdens of the collective masses (as kratu with idhvaaha). they struggled with jealousy and male dichotomies and fantasies. they endured years of abandonment, loss, and energetic vampires sucking the light from them. only to shine like the bright stars they truly are, reaching their latter victory and choosing to never leave anyone behind or forgotten.

i highly encourage you to watch the clip below because it perfectly illustrates hows surya-ruled women understand the inadequacies and injustices of this world and decide to use their platform to speak on it:

https://youtu.be/PzGZamtlRP0

🐘 sza: uttara ashadha lagna

🎖the latter victory is quintessential, yet individualistic, to uttara ashadhas. throughout all areas of the life, these natives succeed in unimaginable ways. from sports, modeling, singing to activism and acting, they reach the highest possible success. once these natives have mastered the lessons of the planets shani, brihaspati, and surya, they have to learn from one more deity: yama. recall the foundational essence of yama reoccurring throughout this post, the elephant, bhairavi, and yama’s correlation to mahapudma. it is said that in order to examine the polarity of a nakshatra, you must examine the opposing nakshatra as well. the opposite of uttara ashadha is pushya (and punarvasu). both punarvasu and pushya are considered to be highly auspicious nakshatras. punarvasu is able to encapsulate the transition from destruction (ardra) and nourishment (pushya) with blessings of the motherly aditi and the supervision of brihaspati, but what happens when pushya is also into the darker elements of life?

🎯 both punarvasu and pushya are linked to brihaspati, due to punarvasu being ruled by brihaspati (via vimshottari dasha) and pushya being under the deity rulership of brihaspati. as i discussed on twitter recently, pushya is directly linked to funerals and morticians. the fourth house of cancer is said to be eight houses away from the twelfth house. thus, denoting one finding home, roots, or comfort in times of death or misfortune. the deities associated with shani are yama and prajapati. yama represents death, dharma, and the underworld and prajapati represents rebirth and creation (modeling the transformative themes of punarvasu as well). the deity of pushya, brihaspati, is said to be a sage born from the first great light, as punarvasu’s meaning is said to be “prosperous again” or “return of the light”. brihaspati is said to be the one who drives away darkness. pushya natives embody brihaspati by bringing great healing and comfort to those in terrible times. or they may embody yama and become hyperfixated with the themes of death. recall how angelina jolie (pushya lagna) stated she wanted to be a mortician when she grew up. a famous funeral director, marshall white, is likely a pushya chandra. a convicted m*rderer & mortician, bernie tiede, is a pushya surya.

🪦 uttara ashadhas marry and reflect the saturnian and jupitarian in a differing, but similar, way. throughout this post, dharma has been mentioned frequently. it is difficult to exactly provide a single definition for dharma, as the word has a long history and it’s interpretations vary throughout hinduism, buddhism, sikhism, and jainism. there is actually no equivalent synonym for dharma in english. the root of the word dharma is "dhri", meaning “to support, hold, or bear". dhri is what regulates the course of change by consistently abstaining from change. however, most can agree dharma means the “right way of living" and "path of rightness". this also depends on the context and the meaning of dharma, as it has evolved as ideas of hinduism have evolved through history. in the earliest texts and ancient myths of hinduism, dharma meant cosmic law, the rules that created the universe from chaos and rituals. after time, the meaning became more complex, it is said to designate human behaviors considered necessary for the order of things in the universe; principles that prevent chaos; and behaviors and actions necessary to all life in nature, society, and family.

🔪 whereas, yama is considered to have been the first mortal who died and saw the way to the celestial abodes. due to this, he became the lord of the departed. yama's name can also mean "twin", and in some myths he is paired with a twin sister names yamī. yama is assisted by chitragupta who is assigned with the task of keeping complete records of the actions of human beings on earth. upon the death of humans, yama decides if they shall reincarnate as a superior or inferior organism, depending on their actions on earth (karma). this is why yama is considered to be the lord of justice and is sometimes referred to as dharma, referring to yama’s unwavering dedication to maintaining order and his adherence to harmony.

🏹 like punarvasu and pushya, uttara ashadhas wish to guide others through their path of dharma, as the bow of brihaspati navigates through the winds, but they also struggle with neglecting themselves. they are so giving with their fruitful bounty, they often forget to spend time within. their inclination for guiding, giving, and dying unto oneself often becomes a fixation that eventually leads to burn out and tiredness. this is why uttara ashadha natives must study the nature of yama and learn when to set healthy boundaries. i will not be including the hymn of yama and yamī (the children of the sun god: surya) as to not trigger others with it’s inc*stuous nature, but it is an example of how those with saturnian/jupitarian influences must learn to set boundaries, even with those they love. sza’s (uttara ashadha lagna) “ctrl” album is a perfect example of the potential for vulnerability, imperfectness, and the deep capability of love these natives exhibit. i highly recommend listening to her songs “love galore”, “normal girl”, and “garden”, as they directly reflect the topics i have discussed in this post. learning to set boundaries will be difficult, as many of the times this creates a need to have difficult conversations with those we love. but when we align ourselves under the eyes of surya, we learn it is the key to flourishing into the tree of life.

🐘 sade adu: uttara ashadha surya

🌲 the movie “the tree of life”, stars multiple surya natives (including uttara ashadha chandra brad pitt). the movie tells an impressionistic story of a texan family in the 1950s. the film follows the life journey of the eldest son, jack (played by leo chandra sean penn and an uttara phalguni native and uttara ashadha atmakaraka hunter mccracken), through the innocence of childhood to his disillusioned adult years as he tries to reconcile a complicated relationship with his father (brad pitt). jack finds himself to be a lost soul in the modern world, seeking answers to the origins and meaning of life while questioning the true existence of faith.

🪵 the tree of life emblem is a popular, universal symbol that represents differing meanings across all cultures and religions. the symbol does not originate from one specific culture as it has been used all over the world for centuries. the tree of life is said to commonly represent the interconnectedness and intertwining of everything within the universe. it is symbolic of togetherness and serves as a reminder that you are never alone or isolated, but rather that you are connected to all beings in existence. the roots of the tree of life are deeply grounded and spread into the core of earth. by accepting the nourishment from mother earth, the tree’s branches reach up into the sky, accepting energy from the lights of both the surya and chandra. this correlates to the goddess matangi (who is the tantric form of saraswati). saraswati is the mother goddess of knowledge, wisdom, and the arts. one cannot grow solid roots without the foundational knowledge of life and nourishment (saraswati). with a solid foundation in place, the tree of life symbolizes the connection to one’s family and ancestors (ketu). the tree has an intricate network of branches that represent how our lineage grows and expands over time. trees will always find a way to keep growing, through seeds or new saplings, and is lush with greenery, which signifies its ancient fertility. 

🌧 all trees are unique and special. by their branches sprouting at different points and in different directions, they symbolize a person's personal growth into a unique human being as different experiences shape them into who they are destined to be. as time passes, both trees and ourselves gain more unique characteristics, as branches may break off, new ones grow, and as the weather takes its toll. during these alterations and changes, the tree remains steadfast and sturdy. as shani brings about trials and tribulations, people grow and change throughout their lifetime and their unique experiences mold and enhance their individuality. the tree of life loses it’s leaves and appears to be dead during winter, but after this trialing period of winter, new buds appear and fresh leaves unfurl to reveal their emerald-like beauty (matangi). this cyclical nature represents the beginning of a new life and a dawn of anew. in a way, the tree (our souls) is immortal. even though the tree may grow old or slightly wither, it still produces seeds that carry its essence through the figurative winds of prana. as the tree within us may never die, it shall only transform and be reborn.

🌊 at the end of the movie, “the tree of life”, the now adult jack wanders through a wasteland, as yama once died and symbolizes the purgatory state of the wasteland. jack goes through a doorway and finds himself on a beach. there he shares the screen with his father and mother who concedes her son to the higher power. jack realigned himself with his solar power and gleamed in the light of his mother and father, like the tree of life gleams in both the sunlight and moonlight. jack received the blessing of his mother, symbolic of the goddess saraswati, who offered him into the unknown light of yama. the truth is, most of us do not know what truly happens after we step into the final light, thus ending our earthly presence and accepting the unknown of the future. recall from earlier, fire is said to digest sensory impressions (water) and turn them into purposeful thoughts and ideas. as surya is said to calm the waters of the mind (chandra). jack’s alignment from the beach to heavenly light symbolizes he has finally digested and successfully pondered on his actions throughout his existence. he has calmed both the waters and fires within and is granted the true passage to afterlife.

🐘 nicki minaj: uttara ashadha lagna

⛰ it is now the native has returned to the peak pyramids of life. they have reached the zenith of their soul and look down from the symbolic pyramid to see the differing trees of life. they examine the highs and lows, sadness and happiness, and the polarities between chandra and surya. prana enshrouds the pyramid and blows the luscious, warm leaves of the trees around in the autumnal season. it is only the uttara ashadha native that will be left to see how far along they have come. in the beginning, uttara ashadhas were the lonely mongoose who simultaneously felt they belonged to everyone and no one. they tried to embody the personal surya to others and learned the error in their ways. these natives were there to lend a helping hand to others, no matter what that sacrifice entails. they have worn the masks of ketu, travelled as the head elephant leads his group, and now stand before the cosmic fire. the mongoose is no longer sad in his sedentary ways, he is fearless, in the sense his open to all feelings from deep love to intense sorrows. may you uttara ashadhas abide in your satya and may the strength of the vishvadevas guide you further into the unknown.

🐘 aaliyah: uttara ashadha surya

💋 as always, i am open to any constructive criticism! i tried to touch on the deities’ involvement in the appearances, manifestations, and symbolism of uttara ashadha. like the endangered elephant and the elusive mongoose, uttara ashadhas are a rare kind. they embody the true abundance of yang that is secure in their solar nature and path. people will latch on to their brihaspati, shani, and surya qualities, as they understand that these energies guide their environment to follow the behavior of the native (as a male elephant leads his family unit to safety and prosperity). uttara ashadhas are so kind, warm, and giving and you guys truly do not get the love you deserve. boundaries will be very important to these natives, as they are so giving (solar) with their knowledge and wealth (brihaspati), they must learn to set healthy boundaries (shani) to avoid burn out. if you are looking for more information about uttara ashadha, get to know the overrulers and supreme deities of surya, agni (fire god) and shiva (supreme god); brihaspati, indra (king of the gods) and brahma (law giver); and shani, yama (the god of death) and prajapati (the creator). also—and i cannot stress this enough—familiarize yourself with the deities of this nakshatra: the vishvadevas. if any of my placements or information are incorrect please feel free to let me know! also, i am fully aware of the origins of vedic astrology and if i was in anyway disrespectful to hindu culture, i will take down this post immediately. i am incredibly honored to know such lovely vedic astrology enthusiasts. you all mean so much to me xx

**all of these placements were found using astrotheme/.com and/or astro-charts/.com. it is important to note that some chandra (moon) placements may be off by up to 6 degrees and lagnas (risings) as well, due to the fact that many websites do not have 100% accurate birth times for the given celebrities.

**i take absolutely no credit for the invention of vedic astrology-based appearance profiles. please watch claire nakti on youtube or look into @/cn0bles, @/lovejustlied, @/dh4nishta, and @/vanillemercure on twitter for more in-depth analysis on vedic astrology xx

“i’ll tell you what freedom is to me, no fear.” - nina simone (uttara ashadha chandra)

xoxo, angel <3

[alexalblondo]

The 2021 grid and what type of character they are written as (order based on current championship standings)

*WARNING I AM BEING MEEEEAN*

Lewis Hamilton: Mary Sue love interest the writers try to give layers to by … torturing them??? (*ahem* Iris West *ahem*)

Max Verstappen: main character in a book that tries to be the next great american novel written by that hipster hitting on you in a coffee shop

Lando Norris: teenager in a show about Millennials written by a Boomer who hasn’t talked to a teenager in 30 years

Valtteri Bottas: technically he’s a main characters but the writers … forget … that … a lot ???

Checo Perez: absent parent in a teenage show on the CW

Carlos Sainz: generic love interest in a book about a 30-sth woman „fixing“ her life after her divorce by ... losing weight and dating a younger man, I guess?

Charles Leclerc: one third of the love triangle in one of those YA novels I read as a teen

Pierre Gasly: love interest in an action movie where the writers think they are woke for only 💕torturing💕 her instead of ✌️fridging✌️ her

Daniel Ricciardo: sitcom main character suffering from nice guy™️ syndrom (yes, I am rewatching Scrubs right now so what?)

Esteban Ocon: 🏳️‍🌈token gay character🏳️‍🌈

Fernando Alonso: reality TV judge

Sebastian Vettel: fanon rewrite of a beloved character that is sort of actually problematic but ✨they fixed him✨

Yuki Tsunoda: 🔥bad boy🔥 in a wattpatt story

Lance Stroll: side character on the football team the writers bring out when they need a non main character to say a line

Nicholas Latifi: love interest the main character dates in season 2 to hinder the end game

George Russell: Luke Skywalker as played by Mark Hamill

Kimi Räikkönen: detective in a critically acclaimed show I am convinced people are only fake liking

Antonio Giovinazzi: the big brother in a teenage show the writers forget about by episode 5

Mick Schumacher: Luke Skywalker as written by George Lucas

Nikita Mazepin: "fed a bot a bunch of YouTube comment sections and had it write its own - here’s what happened" tweet become sentient

[pigeonp0st]

Agatha x reader where Agatha steals Wanda's girlfriend??? like in Westview wanda and reader are fighting a lot and Agatha steals reader so she can hurt wanda but also falls in love with reader

Agatha Harkness x Reader #1

Words: 4,772

Warnings: All Wandavision TW’s apply here...also...kidnapping occurs

Notes:

Big thanks to @gaytrashgoblin for editing (I’m sorry for not capitalizing my ‘I’ in things lmao...and it should be Westveiw!! I despise Westview. I don’t care if it makes sense), and big thanks to the anon that requested. This was fun to write and is now my longest fic so that’s cool. Hope you peeps enjoy!

————

Ever since you and Wanda came to Westview she’s been...cruel. Not to you, not really, but to others. She’s so wrapped in her grief that she’s not seeing the people she’s hurting because of it.

She lost Vision, her best friend, and she lost Natasha, and Tony, and—

and too many people. But you lost them too.

So when she invited you to go on a vacation with her to Westview, you said yes...you needed the break from reality...you weren’t expecting to enter a whole other one. You weren’t expecting to get trapped inside of some sitcom where she has control of literally everything around you.

So naturally, you two argue. Constantly. Loudly. Wanda doesn’t seem to think she’s doing it, and you honestly aren’t sure anymore if you believe her. Maybe at first it wasn’t on purpose, but now it is, and that’s all that matters.

You just want the arguing to stop, you just want to help everyone, you just want to go home.

When you tell Wanda this her face scrunches up in anger and she stands up from her seat roughly enough to send the coffee she was drinking flying to the floor. “I have nothing out there anymore,” Wanda yells, her powers shaking the café the two of you are in. “Don’t you understand? I’ve already done what I’ve done, and even if I take this all down now nothing will change that. I’m already a monster.”

There’s silence for a brief moment...you aren’t sure what to say to that, but then you look around the café and see everyone talking and chatting like Wanda isn’t even doing the things she’s doing, and you shake your head.

“That isn’t true, Wanda,” you whisper, meeting her glowing eyes. “You weren’t a monster when you created this, but you will be if you keep living in this little fantasy at the expense of everyone else— when you know what’s happening.”

Wanda pauses, eyes turning down. “They aren’t in pain,” she whispers quietly, like she’s trying to convince herself. “But if you don’t like it then you can leave. Especially if you continue to argue with me about this.”

Leave. Leave and leave Wanda here alone. She created Westveiw to stop feeling pain, she created it to be some sort of fantasy land, and you aren’t a part of that anymore for her. In her dream world you aren’t there if you aren’t compliant.

Or maybe you aren’t there if you aren’t happy.

Honestly, she’d probably just create the version of you that she actually wants the second you leave.

When Wanda winces you know that she’s in your head. She looks to be about to protest but you don’t need her to. This is all beside the point.

You can’t leave when people are suffering.

“Wanda, that’s not the point. If you keep hurting people—”

Agnes. Agnes pops her head up behind Wanda, all cheery smiles and good (nosy) neighbor vibes. She always seems to be around to interrupt you and Wanda. Usually you’re thankful, now not so much.

Sighing you slump into your chair, expecting Agnes to ignore you and chat with Wanda the way she always seems to. You’re surprised when that doesn’t happen though.

Agnes looks straight at you. “Y’know...i’ve been wondering for a while now. Are you and Wanda a couple?”

You blink at her, shocked and hesitant. “Uh…”

“Yes,” Wanda cuts in. A flash of hurt in her eyes. “Y/N’s my girlfriend.” The way she says it sounds...used. She says it so dispassionately now, when it used to be filled with too much admiration and even more love.

She says it like she’s tired of saying it. Like it doesn’t mean a whole lot anymore, and you hadn’t realized when that started but it hurts like a stab wound. It hurts realizing that this now, this isn’t the beginning to the end, you and Wanda had already started that a long time ago.

Agnes doesn’t seem to notice either of your turmoil, she just keeps talking, and talking, asking question after question to Wanda and letting you sit in silence and get enveloped by thoughts that you’re only allowing yourself to have because Wanda is distracted by Agnes and can’t read your thoughts.

When had that started up again anyways? She always used to say she wouldn’t do that without permission. It’s just another nail in an already full coffin, you suppose bitterly.

————

When Agnes leaves, you and Wanda silently decide to go home. Your thoughts are spiraling and you’re spiraling, and everything is spiraling but when Wanda kisses you in the doorway of your fake home, in this fake town, you let her.

You let her because even though she hurts you so much, even though you know that she’s only kissing you because she’s attempting to distract you and have you forget about the argument, right now she’s your only tether to reality.

She’s the only thing that’s real. She’s the only thing that’s real, but when she pulls away and notices you’re crying she just sighs heavily and walks away, and you’re left to wonder why the only time she won’t read your mind is the only time you’re begging her to.

You’re left to wonder if the relationship the two of you have is even real anymore either, or if it’s been destroyed and altered by grief.

You’re left to shout in your head angrily and desperately, begging her to listen; “If you leave now we’re over, Wanda. Wanda, listen to me. Wanda, I’m here. I’m here still, for you. You’re all I have. You’re all I...fuck you’re all I have here. Please.”

The bedroom door shuts. The door shuts and the echoes of it feel like it’s breaking your heart.

You leave. You stumble out of the door, gasping and sobbing, and angry. So, so angry. She wasn’t reading your mind, she hadn’t heard, but she left you. She didn’t need to read your mind to know that you were falling apart, to know that you have been since the second you entered this stupid fucking town.

You want to run. Your body is begging you to. You want to run to the corner of this godforsaken town and pound on the barriers like you wish you had the courage to pound on Wanda’s door. You want to yell at the world, to let it know that you’re tired, and you’re alone, and that the weight on your shoulders has been too heavy, the grief on your shoulders weighs too much.

Someone up there in the clouds made a mistake. Someone overestimated what you could take and gave you too much, and now you’re crumbling.

Your heart is crumbling, you’re crumbling on the sidewalk outside of Agne’s home, and her door is opening, and she’s coming out, purple magic surrounding her and a devilishly smirk on her face, and you don’t care.

You just don’t care.

————

When you come to consciousness again, you wish you could just go back asleep. You’re tied to a chair in some dark area—it looks like a cave or some type of labyrinth but you know it can’t be—and it’s not even your biggest concern. You’re not thinking about escaping, you’re thinking about whether Wanda will care enough to come and find you.

Agnes appears out of the darkest corners of the room. You look at her tiredly, then turn away, lost in thought once again.

You’re only pulled out of it when she roughly grabs your chin and forces you to meet her eyes, a pout on her lips. “I’ve never had a prisoner so...relaxed. Get kidnapped often?” Agnes asks, laughing afterwards as if she’s said something funny.

“I’m not relaxed,” you growl, deciding to stop wallowing in your own self pity for now. Whatever’s going on with you and Wanda, she isn’t going to turn you into her. You still have to believe you still have fight in you. You still have to fight when you're faced with (possibly) death. It’s not okay not to. “I just had a really fucking shitty day.”

Agnes raises an eyebrow, stroking your face with amusement. When you attempt to bite her she pulls her hand back roughly, sighing like a disappointed owner. “Yes, yes, I saw you hyperventilating in front of my house. What was that about anyways? Get in a fight with the mistress? You can tell your dear neighbor Agatha.”

You narrow your eyes at her. If anyone is the mistress here it’s definitely Agnes—Agatha? “Agatha?” You repeat out loud, tilting your head.

Agatha nods her head, sticking out her hand. “Yep! Agatha Harkness. Pleased to formally meet cha’.” She pauses, glancing down at your tied down arms. “Whoops. Sorry about that. I forgot.”

Agatha—Anges—whatever, she seems like a total asshole, you decide fairly quickly. She seems like a person that’s only out to entertain herself...it would be amusing or charming if she hadn’t had you tied up in her basement (You assume it’s her basement. That’s where people get tied up in shows), but unfortunately she does.

You pause suddenly. Shocked and broken. “Wanda,” you stutter, “is she...is she controlling you, is she doing this?” The fact that you’re unsure if this is something she would do says a lot.

Agatha pauses too, studying you closely. “Are you two really together?” She asks, ignoring your question completely. “You seem utterly miserable. It’s actually quite depressing.”

You shake your head, eyes wide and tear rimmed. You don’t care about this, you just need to know— “please. Agn- Agatha. Please, tell me,” you croak out, desperate.

You need to know how much of an idiot you’ve been. You need to know if you are worth it. If you have ever been worth it to her. You need to know if the woman you’ve loved for too long—if your miserable grief ridden redhead— would do this.

You need to know if this is the type of person you weren’t able to prevent her from becoming by just being there.

“No,” Agatha says, hesitant sounding and with pity in her eyes. “No dear, I am not under her mind control. Now I need you to tell me if she would search for you, okay? Would she look for you?”

You sag into your restraints, utterly spent and exhausted again. “Is that why you kidnapped me. To get her here?” You ask, letting out a bitter laugh and closing your eyes. “You would have had better luck kidnapping the fucking dog.”

When you open your eyes again Agatha is gone with a cloud of purple smoke left in her absence, and you’re alone.

You’re tired of being alone.

————-

It’s been a week or two since you’ve been kidnapped. It’s not really all that bad. You wallow in depression, Agatha gives you some pretty good food, and when you ask nicely enough she’ll even give you some of her baking. She claims to be very bored.

Because of that she comes down to the basement often (she confirmed you were indeed in the basement) and you two talk. At first it was just Agatha talking. She’d rant on and on about all of her evil plans, and everything she’s been up to. She’d talk about Wanda, try to get some information out of you (she learned quickly that you’re not willing to help her), but after the third day she started asking you a lot of personal questions too.

She’s very good at comforting people, and at getting them to open up. “And when I think about it, like really, actually think about it, I realize that I haven’t loved Wanda romantically for quite some time,” you reveal wobbly, more vulnerable than usual today. “I’ve just...I’ve lost a lot too, and I don’t want to be alone. I can’t be.”

You don’t realize you’re crying until Agatha tenderly wipes a falling tear from your cheek. Her own expression shows more real emotion than she’s ever seemed to allow herself to show in front of you. “It sucks,” Agatha says. “Being alone I mean. I would know. But what sucks even more is forcing yourself to be with people that make you feel alone anyways, just because you’re scared of it possibly being worse without them.”

Agatha says that, years full of loneliness written on her face, but then she just sighs, unties one of your hands, gives you a muffin, and leaves.

You could escape. You could free yourself from your bindings and leave, but instead you grab your muffin, ignoring your tears, and eat.

You eat and you stay. You stay because this woman kidnapped you in her home, and she’s opened up to you. Not because she trusts you necessarily, but because you’ve probably been the only one she’s had around to be honest with for a very long time. Because she kidnapped you, and she hadn’t had to pretend she was something she was not, because she was finally allowed to be real with someone.

And then, even after finally having someone for a little while, she’s decided to free you. Even though it could potentially ruin all of her plans if you went back to Wanda.

You stay because Agatha is the only thing that’s been real in this very fake town, and because Wanda…

Wanda keeps you here, Wanda keeps everyone in this town here because she is terrified, because she is alone, because she has always just wanted normal, and Agatha, who longs for someone to talk to, for someone to be around, let’s you go anyway.

You stay for now because Agatha deserves someone to stay for her.

————

When you see Agatha enter the room the next day you realize that she doesn’t think you’re there. She looks at your empty seat with gritted teeth and sad eyes, and picks up the muffin wrapper you left on the seat with resignation.

“Can I have more?” You ask from the corner of the room, deciding to not leave Agatha in her sadness any longer.

Agatha whips around so fast you think she might need to go to the chiropractor for that later. She looks at you and her eyes soften, and her shoulders sag with her relief, and her hand lets go of the muffin wrapper, and she’s happy you’re there. She’s happy you’re there, and that means something to you.

You don’t know what.

She doesn’t say anything for a long moment. Neither do you. But then, finally; “don’t touch, Wanda,” you ask quietly, but loud enough for her to hear. “I want to stay, but I can’t if I know you’re going to hurt her.”

You don’t expect her to agree. You don’t expect for her to give up her plans. You don’t expect to be enough, but Agatha nods like you are.

You told her, “you don’t need to be alone anymore” when you stayed, and she told you, “you’re enough” when she agreed.

That realization feels like getting hit by a truck. A very nice truck.

“Wanda’s been looking for you,” Agatha says, like she’s reading your thoughts. It’s still so odd to see her hesitant, but that’s exactly what she is right now. “She has been since the morning after you were kidnapped. She’s terrified, and lashing out at everyone to find you. She has everyone looking for you.”

Your breath catches in your throat, shocked, and Agatha winces in the same instant, stepping away. You hadn’t even considered the possibility that Wanda would look for you.

“I need to see her,” you decide. Agatha does nothing but nod, turning to leave again, but you run to catch her by the arm before she goes.

She blinks at you, and then at your hand. You realize it’s the first time you’ve ever touched her. The first time you’ve ever stood beside her.

“Wanda is my family. The entirety of the Avengers are. I think she’d accept it pretty well if I told her I’d like to be friends,” you say, talking to yourself more than her. “I’d like to be her friend, but more importantly I need to take down this...illusion she has going on before we can work things out.”

“Work things out,” Agatha repeats, snapping you out of your thoughts again.

For some reason you keep feeling this need to clarify what Wanda will be to you. Perhaps it’s because of the closed off look Agatha gets whenever you even allude to getting back with Wanda. “As friends.”

Agatha nods again, then narrows her eyes right after. “I’ve never asked…” she says quietly, a venom entering her tone in an instant. “Has Wanda ever hurt you?”

Your eyes widen comically at that. “No,” you say quickly, watching as Agatha’s shoulders drop in relief.

“But she was still a bitch,” Agatha mumbles. You’re not necessarily fond of Agatha talking about Wanda like that…despite everything, one word you would describe Wanda as is ‘trying’, and that’s what she’s doing now. The things she’s doing in grief is not who she is, and it doesn’t excuse what she’s done but it means something profound anyways.

Wanda is a good person. A deep, lost, trying person. She needs someone there for her too. You fell out of love, you realize, before coming to Westview, but it was here that you realized that to be true— during Wanda’s lowest point. And that’s really what this is. Wanda’s lowest point. She’s buried by grief.

So yeah. You want to try and be her friend.

——-

Surprisingly when Wanda sees you the hex falls immediately. On the way here you noticed everyone watching you, and you realize now that it was actually Wanda watching. She’s been using everyone to find you, and now that she has she doesn’t need to manipulate people anymore…that’s what she rushes out quietly in shock when you ask.

She hugs you tightly like she’s afraid of letting go and realizing that you’re just another illusion. You hug her back, thankful and wondering if the hex would have fallen sooner if you had come home sooner.

But you’re surrounded in mere moments, and none of that seems to matter. You’re surrounded by angry townsfolk and people with guns alike.

Just as soon as the guns appear though so does Agatha, surrounded by her magic and glaring at everyone menacingly and with a look on her face that suggests she knows she’s ten times better than them.

“Agatha just floof us out of here!” You yell, staring with wide eyes at the red dot on your chest “or Wanda, SOMEBODY, please!”

Wanda pulls away from you, looking at Agatha, you, the angry townspeople—she looks at them with sorrow for a long moment—and then at the government goons.

“It’s called teleportation, darling! Try to be more articulate,” Agatha sighs, teleporting the three of you out of there a moment after Wanda waves a hand and has them pointing their guns at each other.

———-

Agatha teleported you to a cabin in the middle of nowhere (she said it’s actually only about an hour away from Westview) a little over a week ago.

During that time you’ve managed to end your relationship with Wanda pretty peacefully. She seemed to agree that it was better if you two broke it off...she thinks that she needs time to reevaluate who she is with all of her grief, but mentioned that she’d be willing to get back together again.

When Agatha stops pretending to read her book and glares at Wanda fiercely, Wanda sighs and adds that she understands if that won’t be something you want.

She’s dealing with what she did to the people of Westview very badly, so other than deep conversations and both of you trying to help each other figure out what your futures will look like, she mostly stays in the room she’s staying in and only leaves to get fresh air on the porch and to look for you to cry with and apologize to constantly.

You wonder if there will ever be a day Wanda isn’t apologizing to you.

You also wonder if there will ever be a day Wanda and Agatha don’t hate each other so profusely.

Wanda learned what Agatha did to you and why a few days after staying in the cabin again (she was scared to ask for quite a while), and since then she doesn’t hold the same kindness towards her.

Agatha hadn’t even tried to pretend to like Wanda since the moment they entered the cabin together.

When you ask about it Agatha huffs and rolls her eyes. “Wanda is stupid,” she explains simply.

When you give her a deadpan look she smirks and tries to explain better. “She is. She has no real concept of the power she holds, but more importantly she hurt someone I am fond of very deeply. She made the sweetest woman I know question if she was enough, and that...that is simply unforgivable.”

You don’t know what to say to that. There aren't proper words to describe how much Agatha’s care means to you.

Agatha seems to understand, because she gives you a gentle soft smile and gets up to leave.

“Wait,” you stop her. “Why do you always leave after you show some amount of care for me?” It’s something you’ve been beginning to wonder. Agatha says something incredibly sweet, becomes incredibly vulnerable, and then she leaves. “Where do you go?”

Agatha looks shocked by the question. “I am not sure you are ready for that answer.”

You blink. “Which...one exactly?”

“The why,” Agatha clarifies, studying your face. She’s always so calculating and you don’t want her to think she needs to be with you.

“I am not ready for a lot of things in life, but i’m ready for you.” When the words register in your head you flush up immediately, turning into a blundering mess.

That is also another common occurrence in the cabin. You’ve realized that you have a...crush on Agatha. Though you worry it’s deeper than that.

According to Google it takes three months to fall in love with someone. You’ve done it in three and a half weeks. It’s ridiculous.

“I mean...I mean i’m ready for the things that come with you, y’know? I’m ready for your honesty and—”

Agatha kisses you.

She kisses you, and it’s nothing like you imagined. You expected her to be rough and demanding. You expected her kisses to be a little like her, unrelenting and passionate, but they aren’t.

She kisses you and she’s soft and hesitant. She kisses you and she’s loving. She kisses you, and it’s like she is worshiping you, and breathing you into all of the empty places in her heart.

She kisses you like she is decades old, and yet she’s only just now found her way home.

And then she pulls back, and she’s unrelenting and passionate again, a spark of both mischief and something softer and deeper than you can understand in her eyes.

“At first I left because I was scared of caring for you, and thought that if I left after being vulnerable then maybe I could pretend I never was at all,” Agatha admits, brushing a thumb over your cheek. You remember the first time she did that—and your attempts at biting her.

You try and bite her now too, though not as hard, just to remind her and share in the moment together again. She doesn’t move away so you just end up gently nipping at her palm.

She smiles at you, laughing quietly. It’s not often Agatha releases this type of adoring laugh and you’re left to marvel in it.

“And then me leaving was because,” she pauses, her eyes wavering for a moment, and then she’s pulling you into a tight hug and you can’t see her eyes at all. “Because I wasn’t sure if you were ready to move on from Wanda, and I was scared that if you realized my feelings for you sooner than you were ready you would reject me...and I couldn’t take that.”

She was scared that by being vulnerable with you she was giving herself away, you realize, and as you think it you notice that she sort of has been. Even Wanda has probably noticed…

“So I leave. I leave before you can reject me, because each time I say or do something, I wonder if it’ll be the moment you realize that I lov- that I care for you a great deal.”

Love. That’s what Agatha was about to say. You love her too but she’s right in assuming you aren’t ready to hear it or admit it yet. But you will be, and even if she does admit it sooner than you’re ready the last thing you’ll do is reject her.

“I care for you a great deal, too,” you whisper, pulling away from your hug to meet Agatha’s eyes and smile. It isn’t ‘I love you, too’, but that’s what it's supposed to be...and Agatha seems to understand, because of course she does.

“Thank you,” she says quietly, and then adds with a smirk; “for caring for me a ‘great deal.’ What an honor.”

“You’re the one that said it first,” you smile, rolling your eyes. “You’re cheesier than me.”

Agatha’s eyes narrow menacingly but before she can say anything Wanda’s voice cuts in through the living room. “If you two are done fucking there’s a bear out side of the fucking cabin and I need fucking help!”

“See,” Agatha whispers, a growl in her voice . “I told you she’s an idiot. The only world she knows is ‘fucking’”

You can only roll your eyes again, dragging Agatha by the sleeve into the living room. What you both come to find is Wanda trying to fend off a bear with a wooden spoon. You ignore the snort behind you, only focused on the way Wanda’s eyes zero in on your lips.

Oh. You must have smeared lipstick on.

“Wow,” Wanda breathes, forgetting the bear. “You too really were fucking,” she smiles when she says it to let you know that she’s fine, and that the two of you are good... but you still feel a bit of guilt.

Agatha doesn’t. “You are a greater fool than I thought. Did you forget you have magical abilities?”

Wanda frowns, gaze immediately snapping back to the growling bear. “I didn’t want to risk hurting it. I’m kinda tired of hurting things.”

And with that Agatha and Wanda begin their bickering again...you end up having to be the one to get the bear out and you nearly die from the effort.

“It’s a twisted ankle,” Agatha says, amused. “I took care of it before it could bite off your arm.” When Wanda— full of concern—hands you a pack of ice though...well Agatha’s stance changes fairly quickly.

“You are dying. Come with me. You need bed rest.”

It is all very amusing, you think, despite the pain you’re in. You’re sure in the future when all of this is behind them Agatha and Wanda will be very good friends…but for now, in this cabin, supposedly not actually in the middle of nowhere, they both can be your entertainment.

You loved Wanda (you still do, though not in the same way), and now you love Agatha. It’s the best outcome you could’ve hoped for when you came to Westview...it’s the best outcome you could’ve hoped for when Agatha found you sobbing on the pavement in front of her house and kidnapped you.

It’s not happily ever after, there is a whole lot the three of you need to heal from—individually, but maybe together too— and this isn’t where your stories end...

But it’s the closest you’ve been to happy in a very long time and you’re going to bask in it.

“You’re thinking a lot again,” Agatha notices, tilting her head. “If you would rather do something more fun, could you help me get this poison in Wanda’s drink?”

“Agatha!”

“What? It was just a joke…” she looks down at the vile of liquid she’s holding in her hand when she notices you glaring at it. “hey, really? This is something for the cough Wanda’s developed. Don’t be so untrusting.” Agatha sighs.

“Oh, wait, really?”

“Yes...I wouldn’t actually poison her. This is only going to make her cough worse.”

“Agatha!”

“What?” Agatha huffs. “She messed with my books.”