#they make me pretty much completely insane
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madamechrissy · 2 days ago
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Yandere Bully! Gojo - Part 2
Ya'll have been asking for part 2 so here it is! Disclaimer- bullies suck- yandere shit, degradation, nsfw, lots of Bully Gojo harassing the reader tbh, misogyny, possessive, name calling, rough sex, videoing against consent, oral (m and f receiving) don't read if not your thing (college au) say hi to Geto- (Part one here!)
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Bully! Gojo who saw you flirting with your classmate in Physics, pouting the entire time, since you finally got annoyed by him and are now completely ignoring him. Now he's glaring with those icy blue eyes, and you can damn near feel his touch on your skin.
Bully! Gojo who yanks on your ponytail hard after class lets out, making you bend backwards, his other hand shutting the classroom door, locking it. Your heart races as you glare back at him. 'what the fuck do you want, Satoru?' he laughs then, arms barring you on either side. 'you're trying to make me mad, aren't you baby?' you scoff, turning as he leans down, so goddamn tall, you ignore that tension in your tummy.
Bully! Gojo who says 'you know that pretty little cunt belongs to me' he's slipped his hand down your tummy, it trembles under his touch, then he's got you right between your thighs, his fingers slipped right under your pleated skirt. 'it d-doesn't, we don't even date, you're just a jerk!' you shove him then, and he smirks, running his fingers over your panties, already sticky from his touch. 'then why are you so wet baby?'
Bully! Gojo who now has you on the teacher's desk, your thighs spread, spitting on your bare pussy, your thong is already in his pocket of course, he'll use it later. You've been a brat for weeks ignoring him, and he's done, he's now watching the bubbly liquid ooze onto your little clit smirking as you jerk, your cheeks all flushed with anger, eyes dilated with want. 'you know you need me, you're so slutty f'me, hmm?' you feel the hot spit hit you, breasts yanked out of your blouse, he sucks on one of your nipples, you wish your hands weren't sinking in his silky white hair... but... 'f-fuck you... Satoru...'
Bully! Gojo who scowls now, shoving two fingers in your soppy little cunt, stretching you out and making your head fall back. 'no more flirting, aha listen how loud your stupid little pussy is, she missed me' he cooes, scissoring his fingers in and out of your wetness now. you hear your pussy and the squelching wetness as his long fingers curl inside you, pressing on that spot. You're stifling a cry by shoving a hand on your mouth, he just chuckles, blue eyes fucking insane 'no baby, make noise, let em hear who this pussy belongs to' then starts lapping at your clit with his stupidly long tongue, quick flicks that overstimulate you so fast, you're struggling not to scream when he sucks it into his mouth, looking up at you under snowy lashes.
Bully! Gojo who is soon covered in your slick as you cum all over his stupidly pretty face, orgasm wrecking your mind like it always does with this asshole. Satoru pulls back with half his face glistening, pressing against you and pulling your hair so hard tears prick in your eyes, looking down at you. 'pathetic little slut, you're all mine, admit it' you just reach for his cock, he smacks your hand. 'no dick for you till you beg good enough, got me!? and tell that boy you don't fucking like him.'
Bully! Gojo who grins deviously when he watches you break that poor boys heart, stomping away with your arms crossed as you walk by him, heading to the bathroom with tears in your pretty eyes. Fuck he loves when you cry. so he decides to follow you in the bathroom now, busting right in your stall, much to your panic, grinning at you. 'aw, you cryin?' you scowl, standing then. 'fuck you Gojo!' so he decides to take you up on that, going to slide your panties down again, and you yank them away before he can steal them, only for him to shove them in your mouth instead.
Bully! Gojo who now has you picked up against the bathroom stall door, mean tip of his cock bullying it's way into your tight, gummy little walls, so slick you're already gushing when he sinks in. You're crying out, mouth muffled around the fabric, so you go to yank those panties out of your mouth, that won't do at all for Satoru, so he decides you grab your wrists together, putting them over your head as he fucks into you. He's wrecking your cervix, grinning like a goddamn psycho. 'so weak, aren't you? Just look at you, stupid slut getting fucked even more stupid. Aw you're even drooling! cute.'
Bully! Gojo who the next day corners you against your locker, lifting up your skirt and peeking, whistling as you smack at him 'no panties, fuck you're slutty' for you to huff 'well you keep stealing them, you fucking psycho!' he chuckles at you again, grabbing your bare ass as you stomp away. Later in class he's leaning close, stealing your answers, you stomp on his foot under the desk, then tense when he scowls, leaning close and whispering in your ear 'get me an A or I'm fucking your throat so hard you won't be able to fucking swallow'
Bully! Gojo who got a B from copying you, because you honestly did it on purpose, and now you're in his dorm room, choking on his cock, he's so deep in your throat he can see the bulge, moaning at the sight. You're on your back on his bed, head hanging off the edge, he's smacking your titties over and over, watching them jiggle as he fucks you and starts talking shit, when does he shut up!? 'stupid little brat, can't even get an A huh? Baby that just won't do, I need you to- ah fuck that tight throat mmm- need you to- f-fuck!'
Bully! Gojo who pulls out of your sore throat, cumming all over your pretty tits now, you gasp for breath, coughing as he does, laughing now, squirts of sticky white ropes all over your breasts, your tummy. You weakly get up with no help of his, only for him to start taking pictures of you, earning your glare. 'gonna share these next time you flirt with anyone' he threatens, but he never would of course, well maybe with Suguru, but you gasp, standing and smacking him in the face, only making him hard again, earning you bent over his bed, with your wrists tied together by his tie, as he begins to smack your pretty ass, over and over, leaving handprints, 'looks like this greedy pussy wants cum in her, huh?'
Bully! Gojo who ends up making you beg for his cock in you, fingering you over and over without letting you cum, he keeps getting you right to that edge then yanking them out, breathing right on your cunt and laughing against your puffy lips, overstimmed from his playing, and he's talking to your pussy directly 'she's such a fuckin brat, but you, oh I love you. Such a good girl f'me' and then he kisses her with a 'muah' as you're crying, tears hot and sticky down your cheeks, cunt throbbing around nothing. 'Toru... please' you whine out, and he sighs now, finally rubbing his tip between your slit.
Bully! Gojo who loves when you call him Toru, it just does something to him, not that he'll tell you though, instead 'oh fine, since you're just so pathetic, needy... begging...' and shoves his cock deep inside you, full nine inches so deep and thick you struggle to take it, so fucking full, and he's moaning, thumbs pressing into the dimples on your back. 'you love this fuckin cock, don't you?' 'n-no, you don't even date me you dick ah!' Satoru is now fucking you even harder, and you swear you hear your bully whimper as your walls flutter around his veiny length, dripping down to his balls that are smacking your clit.
Bully! Gojo who busts a load of cum in you, moaning as you cum with him, so hard you're already pushing his cum back out, thighs trembling, he laughs then, as you're weakly just half laid on his bed, before he's videoing you, playing with the cum pouring out of your little hole. 'I think I need to show Suguru this, baby' 'Suguru! what!?' he's chuckling as he hits send and you hear the bling of a message when Satoru releases the tie, turning you around and planting a kiss on your lips, so sweet, like he wasn't a complete bully ass hole. 'To Suguru, really!'
Bully! Gojo who smirks as there is a knock on the door, and who is it but your old high school bully, Bully! Geto, who smirks down at you as he studies your naked body hungrily, you cover your tits up now, making Satoru grin as he yanks your hands down. 'I need some help teaching you a lesson baby' you glare at them now, and Suguru licks his lower lip, violet eyes glinting 'fuck you really look good, finally filled out huh?' you flip him off, and now Satoru is spreading your thighs as Suguru is behind you, holding you, tongue slipping up your neck to your ear.
Bully! Gojo who's lapping his own cum out of your pussy, as Bully! Geto is squishing your breasts with his big hands, moaning, you try to close your legs, sore and so oversensitive, but Suguru holds them completely open, leaving you to Satoru's mercy, as he's swirling his tongue in and out of your pussy, and you're screaming out, feeling Suguru's cock hard and thick under you, scowling up at him. 'hate you, Sugu. Hate you Toru.' they both laugh at you, now Satoru's smacking your wet pussy, and Suguru's hand is wrapped around your throat 'see she needs teaching' Satoru says, before nipping at your clit, making you jolt, and Suguru is kissing your mouth, even as you bite his lower lip, 'don't worry, I'll help'
Bully! Gojo and Bully! Geto who the next day at school watch a guy grab your ass, only for them both to beat the brakes off him, as you watch curiously, the six foot three men fighting someone over you, for a moment you melt, but then they have you cornered later in the hallway, Suguru has your books up high and Satoru is sliding up your skirts, you smack at them and realize you still hate them, even if their dicks will be inside you later.
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Well now reader has two bullies, poor thing lol- remember, bullies SUCK and none of this is cool, it's only okay bc it's Gojo and Geto lmao
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goodlucktai · 1 day ago
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raised on little light (2/3)
rise of the tmnt word count: 4k pairing: mikey & oc big thank you to  @soldrawss for the art included in this chapter and to  @mykimouser for making me insane about neutral!michelangelo at all hours of the day title borrowed from northern attitude by noah kahan read on ao3
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2031
Mikey is looking for his little brother. It seems like he spends half his life doing that these days. 
The TV is on in Splinter’s room, door ajar but equally as unapproachable as the door to Donnie’s lab, which is shut tight, as usual. Raph’s door is standing open, but his room is empty, because he leaves early for work on the weekdays. 
Mikey maneuvers past the closed doors and empty rooms like a professional. He doesn’t even have to think too hard about it anymore. 
Rounding the corner to the dining room, Mikey’s stride slows and relief punches an exhale out of him. He doesn’t realize how tense he is until he deflates like a balloon. 
Gio is asleep at the table, face half-buried in his folded arms, crossbow and maintenance supplies spread out in front of him. It’s disappointing, but not surprising. He rarely stays in his own room, as if he’s afraid of taking up space that isn’t really his. As if they’re going to change their mind and tell him they do still need it for storage, actually, and he wants to be ready when they do. Mikey’s pretty sure he never fully unpacked his bag. 
Sometimes he leaves the lair entirely, and since he’s the most unreliable texter Mikey knows, and has never met a phone call he would answer without a gun held to his head, he might as well fall completely off the grid each time he’s gone. Mikey stays up on those nights, keeping busy in the kitchen, worrying worrying worrying. 
He feels too much like Raph when he doesn’t know where the kid is. He understands intimately how overbearing big brothers could be, remembers how a tiny rift had formed between him and Raph when they were young because of it—childish and inconsequential in the grand scheme of things to come, but devastating at the time. 
So he tries to channel Leo instead, who had always trusted Mikey to know when to ask for help if he needed it. Tries to make sure Gio never feels like he can’t come home again, with a smile ready for him as soon as he slips silently back through the door. 
But last night Gio must have stayed in. There’s a blanket draped over him that Mikey didn’t put there, and Splinter almost certainly hadn’t left his room to put there, which leaves two possible culprits. Raph and Donnie don’t know how to make gestures that Gio can see for what they are, hardly know how to be in the same room as the kid without seeing a ghost superimposed where he’s standing. It leaves a lot of the emotional heavy-lifting on Mikey’s shoulders, but it’s fine. A brother could never be a burden to him. 
Mikey can’t give Gio everything he deserves to have, everything that should have been his from the very beginning, but he can give him some things. 
And we’ll start, Mikey thinks with the kind of absurd resilience that wouldn’t have been out of place at the actual end of the world, with breakfast. 
Gio wasn’t trained in ninja like the rest of them were but his senses are as sharp as any other turtle genetically modified for war. Mikey woke him up with a touch once and the fear response only lasted a handful of seconds but it was enough that Mikey made the executive decision that no one would ever do that again, or else. 
Mikey pulls a chair out beside the smaller turtle and sinks into it soundlessly. He traces the newly-familiar white spots on that smoky gray-green face with his eyes, counting and recounting them, even though he knows how many there are. Everything about Gio is at once brand-new and well-loved to him. 
After a moment, the only other sound the ancient Snoopy clock counting seconds in the kitchen, Mikey starts to hum. Three little birds sat on my window…
He can’t help remembering another morning just like this one, what feels like a lifetime ago. Mikey, all of thirteen, had insisted on being woken up to make breakfast so he could try a new crumble muffin recipe, but he’d stayed up too late the night before and sleep clung stubbornly to him despite the row of alarms he’d set. Their resident insomniac had been the only one awake, by virtue of not having gone to bed in the first place, and he’d parked himself in the beanbag under Mikey’s hammock and hummed the same song over and over until Mikey woke up. He had it stuck in his head for the rest of the day. They sang “GIRL PUT YOUR RECORDS ON” in the kitchen at the top of their lungs until Donnie sent the group chat a PDF of a noise complaint form, completely filled out. 
Mikey hadn’t realized he was taking any of it for granted back then. He would do anything— anything—to wake up that way again. Just one more time. 
Beside him, Gio stirs. Once he’s awake he’s alert fast, those big dark eyes sliding open and staying that way, head coming up off the pillow of his arms. He has that look on his face that Mikey would be tempted to call earnest on anyone else. 
“Rise and shine, Clementine,” Mikey says brightly, reaching over to rub the back of his fingers against a spotted cheek affectionately. “I was craving breakfast empanadas today and was hoping my best sous chef would be willing to help me out.” Then, deliberately light-hearted, he adds, “Little turtles who skip dinner have to eat extra breakfast, you know. That’s house rule number one.”
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Gio blinks at him, his face giving nothing away to the casual observer. 
“I thought house rule number one was ‘always get it in writing’.” 
Mikey’s smile widens, surprised and pleased every time he plays along. 
“That’s number three, actually. Right behind ‘don’t do anything you wouldn’t want recorded and replayed at family functions.’ If you want, I can tell you exactly why that one’s a rule, and why it’s entirely Donnie’s fault.”
Gio does that thing where he assesses Mikey’s expression and tone as though he’s looking for the trap. Mikey weathers it, makes sure his smile doesn’t slip an inch. 
Donatello is more of an urban legend to Gio than his actual living brother. After a few hesitant attempts to approach the older turtle that had been shut down completely each time, Gio made the informed decision that that road was closed permanently. 
Sometimes Mikey will tell a story, or April, on one of her increasingly sporadic visits to the lair, will lean over and show him a video on her phone, and Gio will listen or watch like he has no idea who the guy they’re talking about could possibly be. 
They do their best, but there’s no way to really introduce the Donnie that they know to Gio, because that Donnie only still exists in their stories and videos. The Donatello who was silly, who loved music and theater, who burst into the living room with some new invention or gadget to boast about, had been replaced by one who rarely spoke, who didn’t even have Spotify on his phone anymore since it took up too much space, who kept the lair running only because it was where his family lived but not because he had any lasting attachment to the place, and he certainly didn’t make any unnecessary tech just for fun. 
I know you’re still in there, Mikey thinks sometimes. 
He’ll bring Donnie lunch and leave it on the table in the lab, and then hold out his arms. Sometimes, Donnie won’t look at him. Sometimes, Donnie will put his tools down and let his little brother crowd in for a hug. He’ll tuck Mikey under his chin and hold him tight, like they were children again and nothing was wrong that couldn’t be made right. 
Thank you for staying, Mikey will think, clinging for every second he’s allowed to. I know it’s hard. It’s the hardest thing you’ve ever had to do. 
The grief is always encroaching, like floodwaters. Rising slow and steady, swallowing up cars and street signs and single level houses, changing the landscape of his hometown until it’s an unfamiliar place. No end in sight. No sign of land. 
Someone send us a boat, Mikey wants to cry hysterically. But he knows how stupid that is.
He is the boat. 
When he met Giorgio for the first time, Mikey was twenty-five and Leo had been dead for ten years.
“Sorry,” Mikey said. His fingers felt numb around the phone. “Could you say that again?”
“A turtle,” Hueso had replied shortly. “I would not have called, but he has familiar eyes. He is not aware of any family in the area. Would you like me to ask him to wait for you?”
Mikey hadn’t tried his portals again since the last disastrous time—since Raph had made him promise to stop—so he knew it couldn’t be Leo. He knew it. Hueso would be able to pick his sobrino out of a million turtles and would have led the call with that. And Leo wouldn’t have stopped for pizza before running back to them, he wouldn’t have stopped for anything. Leo would have been the one to let them know Leo was home. 
Still, there was a tiny warbling hope in the bottom of his heart that wailed “maybe, maybe, maybe.” Still, it hurt to feel that hope shrivel up and die when Mikey slammed into the private dining room and found Hueso talking to an unfamiliar mutant with white spots and a black shell and—it was undeniable—Hamato Yoshi’s eyes. 
The turtle was small, dressed in dark grays and greens, a strap across his chest that made it clear he was armed by something resting out of sight on his back. He stood with his arms crossed, in a manner that was probably supposed to read as stubborn or defiant, but Mikey clocked instantly as nervous. 
This kid didn’t know what he was doing here or who the hell Mikey was and he looked about as comfortable with all the attention as Donnie would have been at that age. 
Mikey felt himself soften, some distant part of his heart sitting in disuse and disrepair lurching to life again. Ancestral magic that he had largely turned his back on suddenly stirred, ninpo reaching out fragile feelers toward the person in the room that it recognized as immediately as if it was looking at its own self in a mirror. 
“This is one of my creations,” Draxum announced, confirming what Mikey’s heart had already decided. “It must have survived after all.”
“Elaborate,” Mikey said, in a tone that didn’t match the gentle smile he had for the spotted turtle. 
“How old are you?” the alchemist had asked instead, which seemed an odd first question to have and didn’t explain literally anything. 
“Eighteen,” the spotted turtle replied. Mikey’s brow made a bid for his hairline. He would have been less surprised if the kid had said fifteen. Was he that scrawny as an eighteen year old?
“You hatched at about the same time as the red one,” Draxum said dispassionately, “so you should have been about his age, and he is twenty-seven. And how did you come to be here?”
Gio’s eyes slid away from him, over to Mikey. Mikey didn’t know what his face was doing. He hoped it was encouraging. 
“I went through a yellow door,” Gio said. “And I ended up here.” 
“By yellow door, I’m assuming you mean a rift in space-time,” Draxum said. “What possessed you to walk into it?”
“Felt safe,” Gio said, and that was the last thing he said about it, expression closing up in a way Mikey was intimately familiar with as I’m done talking and liable to bite if provoked. But Draxum was a lot of things, genius among them, and seemed to already have an idea of what had happened. 
Portals could be capricious. The night of Splinter’s mutation and escape from the Hidden City, a machine in Draxum’s original lab had gone haywire as the structure collapsed. Draxum watched as it snatched up various tools and equipment and finally one of the experiment enclosures that Splinter had not been able to reach in time to save its occupant with the four he already carried. 
With the machine destroyed, it was impossible to even begin tracking the experiment down to wherever it had ended up. And there were unfortunately small odds that the creature would have survived long on its own wherever the portal deposited it. Draxum had written it off as dead. 
But there he was. Ten years displaced, but living and healthy and whole. Apparently he’d been in another dimension all this time, and only came back again because a portal he encountered had looked inviting. 
And now he’s in Mikey’s kitchen, listening studiously to his brother’s chatter and following instructions with exacting precision, still wearing the ridiculously oversized red sweater Mikey bundled him into the day before. It made Raph’s face do something funny when he saw Gio in it at lunch, but he hadn’t said anything when he saw Mikey hauling it out of the dryer earlier that morning, and he didn’t say anything at the table either.  
Over the years and countless wash cycles it’s been worn to unbelievable softness. It used to be that Raph couldn’t keep it in his closet if he tried, caught as it was in a constant rotation between little siblings who loved to wear it, floppy sleeves and sagging hem and all. It’s almost strange to see it again, here under the kitchen lights in this new country they all live in. 
Stealing clothes was a baby brother right of passage. And it was just collecting dust in storage anyway. 
Gio sees Mikey looking and glances down self-consciously. Then he jolts, and drops the ball of dough in his hands, lifting and twisting his left arm to put it more in the light. Near the elbow of the sleeve is a smudge of flour. 
He thumbs at the spot, preoccupied by it. His body language is shrinking because he always makes himself a smaller target when he starts to get anxious. 
One day, Mikey is going to find whoever taught him to do that and have words. For now, he rounds the island to Gio’s side and leans against it so he can duck down and peer into that little spotted face. He makes sure to plant his own elbow in the flour dusted across the butcher block counter, sending up a little poof of it as he does. 
“Hey, sweet kid, don’t worry about this old thing. It’s already been through everything you can possibly think of,” Mikey reassures, tweaking the hood playfully. “It survived the Paintball War of 2017, it’ll hold up to a little baking accident.”
Gio’s dark eyes lift to meet his, attentive and absorbing everything he sees and so, so careful. 
“Raphael won’t get mad?” 
Mikey keeps smiling, even though he’d like to start crying. 
Of course he won’t, he wants to say. He’s your big brother and he loves you. He’d move heaven and earth for you. He doesn’t know how to say it these days—he doesn’t trust himself to hold people the way he used to, doesn’t know who he is anymore since the shield he used to be was broken—but he’s still Raph. Our Raphie. I promise, it’s still him. 
Gio had never been lifted up into strong arms and tossed in the air until he laughed, caught safely and held tight like those arms would never get tired of holding him. He had never crawled under the blankets in a room humming and blinking with electronics after a nightmare, resting his head on a broad shoulder and falling asleep to a low voice rattling off his favorite explanation of gravity—a force that held everything down, pulled everything together, that could always be counted upon to keep you. He had never snuck out for brunch, just him and someone who saw him more clearly than he could ever see himself, who knew when a stack of French toast and a string of Snapchat selfies and a little mischief was exactly what he needed. 
Gio had never had any of that. He had been alone since he was freshly mutated and abandoned by pure chance, and now he was barely nineteen and he didn’t know how else to be. He didn’t have the first clue, but he was so willing to learn. He soaked up attention like a plant starved for sunlight, petals reaching endlessly for an end to the dark.  
I wish you had been there, Mikey thinks sometimes when he looks at him, heart breaking with the truth of it. We would have held you. You wouldn’t even know how to be alone. You wouldn’t be worried about a stain on a sweater. 
“He won’t get mad,” Mikey says instead. He channels his most charming brother, the one who could sell water to a fish, who could talk his way out of anything, who convinced his family to keep hoping even when all hope seemed lost. “And hey, if he brings it up, we’ll just blame the cat.” 
The corner of Gio’s mouth twitches, and then he smiles despite himself, as buoyed along as Mikey always was when Leo was silly with him, and says, “We don’t have a cat.” 
“Maybe I’ve just been waiting for an excuse to get one!” 
At that point, a burst of white noise from the living room cuts over whatever Gio might have been about to say. It sounds like the roar of wind from an open window of a car going seventy down the highway. It cuts off, and then something clatters noisily, and Gio’s reluctantly amused expression vanishes into alarm. 
They don’t exactly get a lot of surprise visitors down here. He wouldn’t recognize the familiar sound of transportation-by-time-scepter, followed by the even more familiar sound of its clumsy wielder tripping and knocking something over immediately upon arrival. 
“Oops—helloooo?” 
“In here, Renet,” Mikey calls back, nudging his shoulder into Gio’s so he knows not to worry. 
The timestress bumbles in, scepter tucked into the crook of her arm so she has both hands free to fix her braids. She’s smiling all big and crooked and sweet, mouth open to greet Mikey the same enthusiastic way she always greets him, but she stops dead in the doorway when she catches sight of the second turtle in the room. 
Renet takes one look at Gio and says, “Oh! Well, you don’t belong here at all, do you?”
It’s been a long time since Mikey has felt like screaming at her, but the way his little brother absorbs that blow without flinching is enough to get him on his feet. 
“Hey, Nettie, can we talk in the hall?” he says with a brightness he doesn’t feel. “Georgie, I’ll be right back, okay?”
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Gio dips his head in a nod, slowly rolling dough in his hands again, and Renet follows Mikey out of the room like someone who knows they’re about to face the firing squad. 
“I did not mean it like that,” is the first thing she says when it’s just the two of them. “You know that’s not what I meant.”
Mikey does know that somewhere in the back of his mind. Renet is his friend and she’s never been anything but kind to him. If they had met when they were children, they probably would have gotten along like a house on fire. 
There was a time when he only saw the best in people, but the idealism had been carved out of Mikey when his portal to the prison dimension failed to open.
Some days, Mikey looks at Renet and can only see the person with time itself at her disposal, the past and future spread out like a choose-your-own-adventure book—the person with the power to help, to change things, who took Mikey’s countless, desperate pleas to be allowed to save his brother and held them tenderly like they were important to her and still told him no. 
Some days, that “no” is the most significant thing she ever said to him. 
“He’s my brother,” Mikey says. “He belongs wherever we are.” 
“Of course he does,” Renet says, brown eyes soft. “Mike, of course he does. That’s not what I meant.”
When they move back into the kitchen, introductions are made properly, and Renet makes it a point to clarify that she’s glad to finally meet him. 
Giorgio is watching them with those eyes that take in everything. Deep and trusting when he looks at Mikey, sharpening into something calculative when he shifts his gaze toward Renet. 
Looking back, Mikey will recognize it as the moment he lost him. 
“Smells pretty good in here, boys!” Renet says, swanning over to the stovetop. “Oh, is that chorizo? Mike, tell me you’re not making empanadas! I already ate on my way over!” 
“Then you won’t need to stay for breakfast,” Mikey sing-songs, feathers still ruffled. Then, because he feels bad for the way she deflates at the blatant dismissal, adds, “If you want to stick around, you can take some back with you to Null Time. Just don’t let that jerk Savanti have any, I don’t like his vibe.” “I swear,” Renet says, hand to her heart. 
“You talk about time travel like it’s something you can do,” Gio says suddenly. “Is it?”
The air in the room suddenly feels much thinner than before. Renet looks at Mikey quickly before answering.
“Sure, Gio. I’m a timestress—or, you know, I’m a student now. Basically an unpaid intern. But one of these days I’ll be the real deal.” She winks at him, and Gio gazes back at her placidly. 
“So you could send someone back in time? To stop something bad from happening?”
Oh, no, Mikey thinks. 
“I could,” Renet says. To her credit, she doesn’t sound as bone-tired of this conversation as she must be. “But I can’t. There are so many rules, and for good reason! One little slip-up could be an absolute disaster. It won’t do you any good trying to change the past if you end up destroying the present and the future while you’re at it, right? I’m barely allowed to look at this thing, much less use it,” Renet goes on, wagging the priceless time scepter around like it’s a rubber spatula. 
“But you could,” Gio says. “If we followed all the rules. If we figured out a way—”
“Georgie,” Mikey interjects. 
“I’ll tell you what I told Mike, baby,” Renet says gently. “It can’t be done. He belongs here.” 
Gio says, “But I don’t. You said that.”
“Stop,” Mikey says, not recognizing his own voice. 
But it’s too late. It was too late when he tried to open a door inside the prison dimension, because Leo was already dead inside. 
He was already dead inside, Draxum had said, clinical in a way that helped to distance himself from the hurt, but also distanced himself from the ones hurting, clinical in a way that made Mikey bare his teeth and say things he couldn’t take back. That’s why you couldn’t reach him. It wasn’t your fault. There wasn’t a point for you to anchor off of, there was no other end for your line to reach. He was already dead inside. He was already gone. 
Mikey stares at Gio, the tuck of his chin as he looks back down at the dough on the counter. He’s unwilling to argue with Mikey, but that stubbornness is an innate family trait. There’s no way he’ll give it up now that he’s got his teeth sunk into the idea. Mikey knows what it looks like when a brother is about to leave. Mikey knows what it feels like when they’re already gone.   
When he was younger, he was so angry. He was bursting with potential, with possibilities, his magic a wounded, snarling creature in his heart. It’s not fair that he failed. It’s not fair that he didn’t save his brother, that his love wasn’t enough to punch through the prison dimension and wrap Leo in warmth and light and bring him home. It’s not fair that no one was willing to help him. 
Fine, he had thought, fine! I’ll do it myself! 
Renet had explained to him over and over that his power had more to do with space than time. Casey Jr. said that he’d been sent back in time by his Uncle Michelangelo, but that wasn’t necessarily true. Casey’s arrival in the past had created another universe, parallel to the former. That was Mikey’s power—he could affect and even create other timelines, which was powerful and amazing, but not true time travel. Nothing he did could change his own reality, the one he was living in, because he had already lived it. He couldn’t get back what he had lost. 
Mikey plunged ahead anyway, desperate. He could make it work. He could make a change. Even if it didn’t change anything here, he could find another world and save its Leo and—and maybe that could be a start. Maybe he would finally get his head up above water, and stop drowning for just one second of the day, maybe he’d be able to take a full breath for the first time since his brother disappeared on the other side of a closed door.  
He didn’t wait for permission or approval. He slunk off into a tunnel a mile away from home and drew the circles himself. Lifted his hands and filled them with power, until it felt like he was holding the sun. And it hurt, of course it did. It burned all the way through. But he was hurting anyway. 
A portal opened, a pale yellow window. Mikey looked through it, and saw himself on Staten Island, ripping open a hole in the universe and saving his brother. 
What?
He looked again, over and over, at least half a dozen times—and every time, he looked into a universe where Leo didn’t die. Where Mikey saved him, or Raph scooped him up before he went diving off the Technodrome to catch Mikey and Donnie, or Donnie flew back up to Leo with a rocket and yanked him back through the door before Casey managed to close it. Over and over and over, Leo didn’t die. 
So it’s just me, Mikey realized. I’m the one who got it wrong. 
Raph followed the detonation of ninpo and hysterical screaming through the maze-like tunnels and found him suspended in midair. Rock and rebar were flying around Mikey, everything not nailed to the earth turned dangerous projectiles, his arms burning and flaking away into pieces that disintegrated when they met open air. 
His big brother’s expression had been terrified as he pulled Mikey down into his arms and held him through the shrieking storm he’d made. One hand on the back of his head to keep his face tucked safely into Raph’s scarred shoulder, the other arm cradling him like he was half his age, like he was still someone’s baby. 
“Angie, it’s okay,” Raph had said, low and aching. His voice was a rumble beneath Mikey’s ear, barely audible but just loud enough. “It’s okay. You can scream, you can bring the whole damn city down if you want. But you gotta let go, sunshine. Let go, Mikey.” 
I don’t want to I don’t want to I don’t want to I don’t want to! Mikey wailed, clutching at Raph’s jacket with hands that felt like two white-hot points of pure agony, clinging, holding on. If he let go, Leo stayed gone. If he let go, he really didn’t love Leo enough to save him. 
But Raph pressed his cheek to the top of Mikey’s head, and his next breath shuddered in his chest, and he whispered, “I know you don’t want to, I know. But this isn’t gonna save him. You’re just hurting yourself and L—Leo would hate that. He’d tell you to stop.” One hand crept over to cover both of Mikey’s, squeezing them tight. “Come on, big man. It’s okay. Let go.” 
He let go. The magic faded, dropping everything it had picked up back to the tunnel floor with dull thuds. His hands spasmed wildly, grip nonexistent, and Raph just kept holding them as he carried Mikey home. 
Mikey sobbed for the rest of the night, what felt like hours and hours. Raph reverted to turtle sounds when nothing he said seemed to get through, and Donnie crept under the blanket and plastered himself to Mikey’s carapace so that they had “A little citrus sandwich!” Leo would cheer, the silliest and sweetest turtle in the world until Mikey finally cracked a smile. 
His family made him promise not to try again. It’s not worth it, they said, a unified front—and as much as the words hurt Mikey to hear, it must have hurt his siblings and father just as much to say them. We can’t lose anyone else, they were ready to beg, because they didn’t know it was his fault Leo was gone. They didn’t understand how badly he’d failed them all. If they did, they wouldn’t have been so grimly determined to protect Mikey’s life from his own hands. 
It felt like a betrayal at the time, but he understands now. 
It’s not worth it, he thinks, staring at Gio. I can’t lose anyone else, he’s ready to beg. 
But Mikey knows what it looks like when a brother is about to leave. Mikey knows what it feels like when they’re already gone. 
What he doesn’t know is how to love someone well enough to keep them. 
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blueberri-blu · 2 days ago
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Learning You...
Donnie ♡
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[Bayverse] Slowly getting to know Donnie ♡
Leo ♡⁠˖ Mikey ♡⁠˖ Raph ♡⁠˖
Getting to now the turtles! A little Mini-Series!
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Meeting Him:
Honestly? You probably met him through April or his brothers...
April decided to bring you over to the lair, after months of her dodging you wanting to meet her friends
So, as you walk into the lair, you meet Mikey first, ever excited for new friends
Then Leo comes to greet you like a "proper guest" (as leo puts it)
And lastly Raph just seems to stare at you a bit and give a grunt
Later, 1 of 2 things happens
Either Leo or April's drags Donnie out to greet you
Or your curious ass goes to see what's going on in the strange lab room
Once you see him, he greets you quickly and goes back to what he was doing in his lab
You follow him and start to ask questions about his many inventions
This won his heart (whether he knew it or not)
Befriending Him:
At first, it's hesitant questions, long awkward silences, and clammy hands
But after awhile he gets used to your presence
Your questions often help him, letting him see a new perspective
He appreciates any of your input, but not without a little bit of sass
That little turn around he does (in the gif), you can't tell me he isn't sassy
You two will get into little sass battles, one comeback after another
This helps you two get closer
You mostly spend time in his lab, with the occasional accompanying him for new materials or things he needs
You bring him food and water, setting alarms for him to remember to eat and drink
Spinning in your office chair, you give him insane scenarios for him to entertain you with the logistics of it all
"Hey Donnie, what if I wanted a fire proof phone?"
"well you'd need to find a thin enough material that doesn't melt under high heats, a material such as steal, however you'd need to figure out how to combat the heaviness..."
And that's when he start getting comfortable ranting to you
He'll go on hour long rants about many things, allowing you to interrupt him to ask questions about what things mean and such
Donnie loves when you ask him these questions, he feels like, even though you don't understand him completely, you still try hard to take interest in him
First Date!
You probably have to ask him out,
You guys develop a situation ship sort of thing
And although he wants more, he doesn't want to ruin what you have
You end up asking Donnie "What are we"
And that's when poor Donnie's brain is racing a mile a minute
He starts stammering and doesn't know how to proceed, but eventually sighs and tells you how he feels
He's ecstatic when you tell him you feel the same!
Donnie stresses so much on dates ideas
Eventually, he decides he wants to take you out of the lair for once
You share your favorite foods with each other, both sickeningly sweet feeding eachother
He takes you for a ride in the shellraiser
You eventually get to a large field of pretty grass, noticing it's very far from the city
You give him a questioning look, but he just responds with "I wanted to make sure you knew this was special to me" while giving you a shy smile
You have a little picnic with Donnie, far from the city
He wanted you two to have a special moment without the bustling of the city or his brothers
Although you're both nervous, soon you start talking about anything that comes to mind
Soon Donnie starts to feed you, like the sickeningly sweet romantic he is
You're both giggling and talking in hushed voices
You end up cuddling and whispering sweet nothing's in each other's ears
Dating!
With Donnie you are never missing anything
He tries his best to make your life easier
You're clumsy and your phone keeps falling? He makes a practically indestructible phone case in your favorite color (he secretly hopes it's purple)
Your toast never comes out quite how you like it? He makes a toaster that makes your toast exactly how you like it (and maybe even a coffee maker that makes it ready to drink)
Donnie sometimes struggles with giving you the time outside the lab you (let's be honest, him too) need.
Sometimes you struggle to get him out of his lab, but with a little convincing (and kicked puppy eyes) he'll usually cave for awhile.
Usually taking you to go see museums at night "It's better without the crowd!"
And on your anniversaries, he takes you back to your first date
He can get a bit insecure about whether he's doing it right, all he has to base off of are movies and TV shows
It'll take a bit for him to touch you, but once you put his hand on your back/thigh/waist
He'll take it as a go ahead (always looks at you for approval tho)
Whenever he hugs or kisses you, you can feel just how much he loves you
He looks at you and slowly closes the distance
Donnie will sometimes ask you questions about your previous relationships, how they ended, and why
He just wants to prevent the same mistakes from happening, he really loves you, and wants you two to last for eternity <3
I was able to finish it @novaleedartis !! Hope you enjoy it ^^
Please let me know how I can improve or if I have any spelling errors please! (⁠人⁠ ⁠•͈⁠ᴗ⁠•͈⁠)
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noneorother · 3 days ago
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The case for (at least) two stories in GO season 2: Bildad
This chapter will be more enjoyable if you read the first post "The Kiss"! Another blatant instance of inconsistency and topic of much debate has been Bildad's wig(s). His hair seems to change all the time, and the headband is never quite the same. What if I told you that if you stop focusing on the hair, and count the stripes on his headbands, a clear picture emerges? Sounds insane right? Here's the entirety of episode 2, arranged by number of headband stripes Crowley has in each scene.
I'll put screenshots in case you don't want to rewatch those two sillies again for 4 minutes. But be real... who doesn't? A pretty clear pattern emerges when you arrange the scenes like this : more stripes = more intimacy and trust between Crowley & Aziraphale. For stripe 1, we only get the opening scene where Crowley "destroys Job's goats".
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This scene could live on it's own in the story, theoretically. Aziraphale never interferes with Crowley as he destroys the children, because it's all hunky dory up in heaven. The very next scene we see Crowley questioning Job and Sitis, starting to doubt his job, and he's got two headbands and two stripes for most of the rest of his hijinks with Aziraphale.
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Until the very end of the episode, where we are back to one headband, but two stripes. The hair is short again, and the headband is neat, and this stumped me for a long while. If you only count the number of headbands and hair length, this scene clearly belongs with the first, and story-wise, would make little sense. But taken with the other two-striped scenes, it paints the complete picture of the saving of Job's children together as a team. I've taken the three headband/stripe scenes out of order from the show and put them at the end. The only time Crowley has three headbands is when something deeply intimate is happening between Azirpahale and Crowley. The first instance is quite early on, for the whole of the reveal of Crowley's crows to goats pipeline.
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Interestingly this is also where we get the cryptic line "I am not the angel you knew". Next is a little interlude inside of Crowley's "destruction" of Job's children, where Crowley admits to Aziraphale for the first time that they are "Temporarily not on different sides". It's also this part of the scene where we find out, surprisingly, that Job's children are unrepentant little shits, and Jemimah realizes that Crowley is actually, technically, a demon.
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And now, after a brief break of two striped shenanigans, we return to three stripes Bildad in the basement, where he manages to tempt Aziraphale into admitting that heaven's morals are a little wacky, and into tasting food for the first time.
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But this scene starts with Satan's great wind (LOL wow, a fart joke in between all the morality? Good Omens would never...), where Crowley curiously remarks "Hmm, they've started early". All of the cryptic & meta commentary dialogue is clearly happening inside the scenes where Crowley is wearing three headbands. Given that the three headbands portions of the story make little sense on their own, we could conclude that Job is a story retold three times, each consecutive time adding layers of context to the story, and quite literally, onto Bildad's head.
part 1 of this nonsense : The Kiss
next part : Heaven’s files.
This is going to have to be a multi-part series, but hey, almost no one is posting season 2 metas anymore so the people have to get their crack from somewhere. With thanks to everyone over in our @ineffable-detective-agency as usual.
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prettyboykatsuki · 11 hours ago
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hii sorry to come out of left field but iirc you said you hc chigiri as a sadist in bed... could we get a bit of elaboration even if it's just two lines... been thinking about it for days and it's kinda driving me insane (in a good way)
!!!
idk if i have much to add. idk if sadist is the right word or if relentless is better. some mix of both. it's not physical pain but he gets off on stuff that makes you embarrassed, ashamed, and is generally kind of hard for you to do it. he can get mean about it KJSDJF and it's really hot because he's just got. such a pretty face and he speaks so Nasty to you like KJDSJ
like. a very pretty man holding you by your hair and cupping your jaw and smiling while he tells you call you shameless while you're at his feet KJDSFK. its not all at once
it escalates !! at first like... you tease him a little over something and he tells you not to provoke him and now you're getting pounded out in missonary and it just gradually gets more aggressive. i think chigiri really likes pushing your buttons he's such a freak. a bit of a complex about being pretty his whole life but his personality is rather aggressive and forward
i do think he's a switch but even subbing he's a massive brat and will constantly challenge your authority. but his default is very domineering in my mind in a way that is completely unexpected given how sweet he is in general. once you're dating he teases you a lot about how effected you are. and likes to mess with you in public a lot KJDSJK
idk how to explain but he reminds me a lot of suo in a way
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chalkodareal · 3 days ago
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please lore dump ab ur tmbg au. i care.
LOLLLL funny to me u say... i got two other ppl asking for this exact thing soooo. well. um. non-losers look away now ig... my See The Constellation Au...
okay um. basic gist is that flansburgh is an astronomy student at some college in '92... doesnt really matter which. um. and late one night he ends up making brief contact with a constellation guy that, while he first connected him from sheer tired joking, he starts to like actually see (and hear the next night which is honestly freakier). the constellation is linnell obv though this is technically a little complicated
um. so he forms an insane connection with this constellation p much. initially theyre more curiousities to eachokther than actual FRIENDS but it very quickly becomes a friendship just. well honestly probably just bc flansburgh is bad at being professional....? its okay bro idbe freaking too
okay on the topic of flans seeing and hearing him its time to explain this umm. i dont wanna pull something lame and say "oh hes just imagining the constellation LOL" bc thats not whats happening but the constellation is vry much shaped by his psyche. ultimately the constellation is sort of just a sentient chunk of the stars but flansburghs mind has sort of given him an actual form??? if this makes sense??? to everyone ekse hes invisible p much but he and flans share an astral link of some sort. freakssss.... um. but p much hes very much real he just pulls from flansburghs concious to give more understandable form to himself.
flansburgh mental and social state very much ends up deteriorating over the course of the au sorta... its not that hes like. acting crazy he just stops waking up at normal times and talking to actual people less and less. he kind of yearns to be able to have real communication with the constellation outside of the sky and that. weighs on him. i wont bury the lead ill just say see the constellation is probably a song avout killing yourself.
again on their relationship it very quickly turns into something casual as opposed to any sort of REAL research. flansburgh had a lot of questions about what gives the constellation life and how he moves early on but apon being given the chance to bitch about going to colkege uhhh yeah. hes doing that. the constellation isnt completely clueless on human culture actually hes seen a lot of it but probably just doesnt understand certain finer aspects.
okay other thing to say. linnell is also just a real fucking guy in this au and i havent mentioned it until now bc it can get confusing. PRETTY MUCH. he abd flans were really good friends in highschool but insteah of ever going off and starting a band together they just drifted apart. the constellation looks and sounds a lot like linnell (to the most recent of his memory, likely a few mundanes tapes he was able to snag) but ultimately is not actually linked to him. even flansburgh doesnt really realize the similarity until he ends up finally seeing linnell again for a while on the train. he got a job working for one, and because its an overnight ride on obe of those old fashioned ones just because i think they look cool, they end up chatting a bit. feel the need to say flansburgh is a lot less shaken by this than he really should be... like even the constellation is asking about that guy that bears a strangely apt resemblance to him.
um. short of the au is this timeine ig
1. flansburgh resents his astronomy studies
2. flansburgh meets constellation for first time
3. flans develops constellation friendship
4. flansburgh begins ditching certain more um. applicable stidies just to reasearch and understand this guy
5. as they continue to grow closer and more isolated flansburgh takes a long train ride back home, meeting linnell briefly and promicing to really get back to him this time (the mail address sits unused atop a stack of frantic sketches and half finished papers)
6. this guy starts like actually seriously yearning for the constellation to be a real human guy
7. through an offhanded comment of the constellations, flansburgh is lead to believe after around 11 months of contact with the constellation that there is infact a way to be with him in the sky which no is NOT a good deal but hes a little desperate and honestly living off college student money
8. i lay my head on the railroad tracks
it sounds like tragic yaoi this way but i assure you not only is it not YAOI.its not that tragic okayyyyy
other tidbits i cant fit other places hrm.... flansburgh was like incredibly social before all this. like he wasnt already a little introverted he straight up threw college parties. the constellation has communication with other parts of the sky and is not well liked for only having one fucking guy that gaf about him... um. to the stars constellations are honestly a huge thing because the expression of human expirience and guidance onto them is like a massive gesture of love and its part of why the constellation likes flans so much. becahse of this he ceases to exist in a major way after flansburgh is gone. and last but not least. robin MIGHT b here. im still thinking about it...
( @spyjam24 since u asked too... )
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normal-nightmare · 21 days ago
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What i wouldn't do to make a jaydick webweave except I have absolutely no idea where to start with one LOL
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tetraandtheapples · 3 months ago
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Erm!! I did more art!!!!!! My art style is so inconsistent I want to draw more realistically but I'm goofy goober at my core....... Gehahahaha
Also???? Pony Error under cut??????? (and a few error sketches!) Hidden slightly because I'm still a bit unsure about the design RAHH
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I think it'd be cool if he had strings all over his body like he was some mangled stupid hasbro official pony plushie...... but the strings were like insanely last minute LMAO so I want to redo it again with that in mind.... when the pony takes me over again.
Transcript for Pony Info (because my handwriting is a bit messy)
PONY INFO!
Strings run along entire body
Used to have a cutie mark, but the file is "lost"
Horn sparks & glitches dangerously when using magic
-> Not harmful to him, but strong emotions can cause it to flare up (basically when the horn starts fuzzing a lot you know he's close to a full-on reboot)
Whatever the hell this thing is core -> (pic of very stupid looking Hasbro official Princess Twilight Sparkle plushie with brushable hair!!!! Batteries not included)
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↓ WARNING!!! STUPID IDIOT BELOW!!!!!!! 🆘🆘🆘🆘🆘⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️☢️☢️☢️☢️☢️☢️☢️☢️☢️☣️☣️☣️☣️☣️☣️☣️🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢 ↓
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#utmv#swapdream#swad sans#swapdream dream#swan sans#swapdream nightmare#error sans#gamers err.... they're really stupid!!!#I hate them so much!!!! (LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE i love them actually with all my being)#I have no idea what I'm doing I'm not used to tumblr editor#I want to make my page look cooler..... maybe 2010s theme..... can i do that perhaps?#Stupid idiots!!!! Sorry my demons#I should probably make an intro post too but idk what to say.... other than “helo i like erm. Undertale! I like..... pretty much only UTMV!#This is mostly a lie I like other things but I'm only going to be posting UTMV mainly#Sigh getting off track anyways!!!!! Idiots!!! I hate them!#Swad he's so prim and proper and completely obnoxious#I feel like with him being completely manic 24/7 he wouldn't take care of himself very well#Like if it weren't for the self healing thing he would look absolutely terrible. Rotting teeth cracked bones etc etc and he would not care#He would still prance around in fields of daisies tho he is literally too hyped up#I feel like he would chase Swan like until his body physically could take no more#One sec he's approaching at full speed and the next he shuts down completely & collapses just because his body literally ran out of juice#Error is striving for that hobocore aesthetic he will not change his clothes ever he constantly repairs the same ones#I also feel like Error would be like. insanely stinky (PEE-YEW!)#Water doesn't interact well with his body so he avoids it best he can#he can only take sponge baths for hygiene and even that is like insanely prickly for him.... Feels like pins and needles sizzling on his bo#Sighs that's it for me gamers!!!!!! Ramble in the tags over#Swad OUTTT!!!! *bursts through ceiling leaving swad shaped hole in your roof*
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sjweminem · 21 days ago
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if any of you actually liked or cared about me just a little you would board the Scostas train. i'm the conductor. its destination is hell but you don't need to dwell on that dude....like just enjoy the ride
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toytulini · 2 months ago
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man the thing about beauty standards and being ugly and being pretty and being insecure is that ultimately you do just kinda have to Decide that youre pretty. like ultimately thats how you become pretty, or hot, or sexy. you have to just Decide that you Are. you have to recognize that its made up, its arbitrary, its subjective, and that people might disagree with you about it, and as much as you are able, you need to completely and utterly disregard their opinions on your appearance, and decide that youre pretty now. and THEN.
you need to find beauty in "ugly". you need to recognize that ugly is made up, that its arbitrary, that its subjective, and you need to be able to find the beauty in it all. and this means you cant bodyshame people. you cant body shame shitty celebs or politicians. you need to base your criticisms on the substance of their character and misdeeds and unhinged horrific opinions and not give a shit about what they look like. you cant go calling people ugly for being shitty. you cant go calling people ugly for looking A Way You Dont Like.
and then if you wanna really galaxy brain this shit you start using ugly as endearment. OBVIOUSLY do not fucking call other human beings ugly. that shit is far too loaded, its just Rude. Dont call specific features of people or even characters ugly cos thats also too loaded. as a term it has baggage. but you can see the ugly in tacky, loud, garish clothing, and it can be Good. you can see the ugly in a distinctive, horrible tiny car from the 90s, and it can be good. you can see the ugly in animals that have evolved to look the way they do, without a single thought of what humans find appealing. you can see the beauty and the freedom in "Ugliness". you can break out of this shit altogether and feel nothing but disdain for anyone who stoops to insulting your appearance if they disagree with you about shit. you can get completely out of the cave of these beauty standards. you can find it so freeing to revel.in letting yourself be ugly. in recognizing that the way you look and exist might be ugly to some people, and youre out of the cave enough to simply recognize. thats just your opinion and it doesnt matter. didnt ask.
you can look at ppl arguing about the correct amount of skincare products to use daily, the Correct Amount of makeup, and whether or not its radical to conform to beauty standards or defy them and argue about is it really conforming if visible makeup pisses men off, and you can say, well I dont care about any of that, I recognize the societal pressures of flawless skin and all that but you see,
I just want to look like a silly little clown :o3
#toy txt post#i wasnt gonna end this on that silly note. but then i had to#ugly#pretty#beauty standards#not saying its easy. not saying you have to do this#but like if youre tired of feeling insecure about your face your fashion. you gotta just figure out what you like and lean in#and you gotra recognize this shit is made up and subjective and arbitrary and you shouldnt be doing it for anyone else ever#i used to be insecure about a few features of mine that i feared made me Ugly. and then i Decided to try to find it pretty.#it sounds so stupid and made up but like literally i just. Decided. im pretty now. this is pretty. this shit is made up. why am i listening#to you. you dont know shit. im pretty now. AND THEN i decided. actually. im ugly on purpose now but not in a way that has much to do with#my actual appearance so much as my complete disregard for your opinion on my appearance. you gotta do it for you. you gotta dress for#yourself#ANYWAY#before anyone comes in with how beauty standards are often externally enforced via peer and social pressure:#yea bud im a human being on planet earth. im aware. thats why i said: as much as you are able. i recognize i have a number of privileges in#this regard that not everyone does. the way im given more space and freedom to dress like a little freak as a thin white person etc#but like i still had and have societal pressure to shave my legs and underarms to conform. theres societal and peer pressure to wear makeup#and i just. dont. the legs thing is less noticeable tho ill admit cos i also Hate Shorts but thats a whole complicated can of worms#which also involves i am not exposing myself to ticks like that are u insane#anyway. yea. the other magical thing about this philosophy of mine is that you also just dont have to. like you can just Ignore Me.#you can keep doing what youre doing and thats fine too#but genuinely if you struggle with insecurity about appearance you gotta just. this is the fake it til u make it shit#i decided im pretty now and it got easier to take selfies bc i was pretty then#doing art and exploring different faces for ocs and making them look different from the conventional beauty standards. also helped#and like dont get me wrong theres still shit im vain about appearance wise that doesnt matter. i still like to style my hair before i leave#the house etc. im still looking in the cave sometimes#but perhaps one day i will be as blissfully uncaring about ppls perception of me as a fuckin goby#anyway. anyway anyway anyway#if you do this things get so much easier. but you dont have to. i have no power over you
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arolesbianism · 3 months ago
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Despite how much I suffered making my last isat au Aris sprite redraw, I decided to do it again and once again went through hell doing it. There’s like a billion mistakes in this (such as her having the wrong arm rip) but at the end of the day I’m still happy with how it turned out :]
#keese draws#oc#oc art#eternal gales#isat#in stars and time#sorry for main tagging feel free to excecute me if you want or whatever#grips sink cringe is dead cringe is dead cringe is dead#anyways this is a very fuzzy and vague au as I don’t rly feel comfortable going off too hard with this one#this is pretty much entirely because I know I’d have to fuck around with the worldbuilding a decent amount and I don’t rly wanna do that#Isat’s worldbuilding is one of my favorite parts of isat so I don’t wanna fuck it up yknow?#I might do some other sprite redraws once I stop thinking too hard abt aris and tali#for context tali is the king aka complicated design that makes me wanna cry especially since I made it worse by changing her imagery#instead of having tears as a thing she has like. fracturing if that makes sense?#it’s supposed to be a nod to her ‘cracked’ eye in canon#she also has threads coming from her limbs instead of long hair for similar reasons#also she doesn’t have straight hair so yknow#but yeah for additional context aris and tali are half sisters and they make me go insane#in this au the idea would be that when their grandparents divorced when the two were little tali and their grandma left the island#aris wouldn’t leave until five or so years later when she was around 12#at which point the island disappeared and all that#the two have mostly completely forgotten about eachother but there still is familiarity between them#tali isn’t any less of a piece of shit than the king in this au tho#aris for a brief moment almost remembers who tali is during act 3 but she dies before she can fully grasp it#which almost hurts more to her despite not even knowing what she was trying to recall#during act 5 her inner sadness fight is against the hazy image of a very young tali 👍#just tiny 5 year old tali using the voices of the others to scream at aris that she’s been nothing but a burden to them all#and that she’s done nothing but hurt them in her selfish attempts to fix a problem that she refuses to admit she caused#and that time and time again she’s lied that she’s doing her best to protect them and that she’s failed all of them#it’s a mix of current guilt and her hazy but longstanding guilt towards tali
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year ago
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#its crazy how much easier it is to do things when youre not completely miserable lol#this past week has been weird bc ive felt really really good and like normal in a way thats kinds unfathomable#im hoping its the medication but my mood was already on an upward tilt and i was told it would take like 6 weeks for the meds to work#property but like ive been sleeping way more than usual. and by that i literally just mean 8hrs a night lol which is weird for me#like that never ever ever happens multiple days in a row. so idk. when i feel better it makes the 0cd way easier to manage as well#and im just generally not as anxious. on the more worrisome side i kinda just give less of a fuck so like i have an exam im not ready for#Tuesday and im just kinda like hm fuck that lol. ill go thru lil fluctuations of having a lot of energy too#like: i could run around in circles rn. i dont have to but i could. like yesterday i was out with friends and i was like bouncing up and#down while standing and rocking from side to side while sitting. which i kinda do anyway while in crowds but it was more to expend energy#last night i also got like 5hrs of sleep. so like maaaaybe ive been on the bleeding edge of mood elevation but for the most part it just#feels good and not destructive. like if i felt like this all the time that would b fantastic. its like oh so this is y ppl dont long to b#put out of their misery lol. depression? who? i dont kno her. sounds fake. but as soon as i fucking say that ill b fucking slapped back#down to earth. ugh. annoying. no emotional object permanence. i hope its the meds. if this is the person i am under layers of misery then#that is fucking so insane. we shall see. im curious to hear what the psychiatrist thinks of my brain when i follow up with her#i gave her my full dys1exia assessment which gives a pretty good picture of how my head functions. oh fuck i bet i would do waaaayyy better#on thise test if i took it in this state of mind. but anyway she has that on top of like 3 assessment sheets i filled out#dispite everything i still want someone to categorize me into a discreet box. tell me doc. am i really bip0lar? really really?#ur sure??? like 1000% sure bc my brain wont let me accept that unless its beyond a reasonable doubt. i just doesn't seem that serious.#i mean. it is but like ya kno. its not that bad. ay. this glob of mush behind my eyes runs me in circles#but for now thats ok bc i feel like i could run up a mountain or punch someone in the face lol#unrelated
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todayisafridaynight · 2 years ago
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the mine thirst from the previous anons my god y'all need a whole ass water tank HDHWJE
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good morning tumblr today's broadcast is brought to you by Why Is Yoshitaka Mine So Fucking Pretty
#snap chats#GOOD MORNINGALKJ#CELEBRITY APPEARANCES FROM MAS AND MSKMA OMG WHAT AN HONOR HI GUYS#im gonna finish up my palette requests then doa comm but WOW#WOW....#i be actin like a catholic rn but i also think mine is pretty enough to drive a man insane#its me im the man in question BUT i behave myself. i will not act up#also first anon's right that plane scene was peak#it doesnt do anything for me like the eyeball scene does but it is close and i do love the scene#full yandere moment <3<3<3 he's such a silly girl <3<3<3#i love mine i love how he's calm 99% of the time and then the 1% he's just completely insane#deranged. devoted. passionate. i love you sir please keep being you i hope you never get better#well. i guess you cant get better when youre dead but </3#BUT YEAH NO MINE IN ISHIN IS SOOOOO HANDSOME ITS SO FUCKING UNFAIR#LIKE IF YOU LOOK AT MY STEAM SCREENSHOTS FOLDER IM 99% SURE I TOOK A SCREENSHOT EVERY FRAME HE WAS ON SCREEN#HE'S SO HANDSOME I CANT STRESS THAT handsome squidward moment How You Make Him MORE Handsome Oh My God#its very much an Eros and Apollo moment yk that song. LOVE that song LOVE studio killers...#like mine's not hot he's handsome yk what i mean. like he's incredibly attractive but in like a sophisticated/put-together kind of way#and it's cause of that i go insane BEECAAAUUSSSE he's seemingly normal 90% of the time and just a pretty thing to look at#and then he does some insane bullshit and its like Oh You're Not Normal. Why's My Heart Growing Three Sizes
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philsmeatylegss · 1 year ago
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A huge underlying view among many terfs that frustrates me beyond belief is Islamophobia. I have seen countless of posts from Terfs using the stories of abused Muslim women as an excuse to say the whole religion is oppressive and sexist. I have seen so many posts about how hijabs and burkas are oppressive and women who choose to wear them are working against women’s rights. They often imply that most of, if not all, Muslim men are violent in the name of religion. They fail to make the obvious connection between the fact that there’s a huge difference between fascist governments using Islam as an excuse to oppress women and actual Islam and Muslims. Ofc women should have the right to chose if they want to be religious, if they want to cover up, if they want to take on a submissive role. No one is denying that. The reasons those rights are taken from women, often in the Middle East (which is what terfs often reference), is the fault of the government, not the religion. Yeah, there are abusive men who will use Islam as an excuse for their actions. Just like there are Christian men who will use Christianity as an excuse for their actions. Same goes for pretty much all religions. People covering up their abuse under the guise of religion is not limited to just Islam. It happens in most religions. It’s happened pretty much since religion started.
It’s just so ignorant and out of touch and you know they have never spoken to a Muslim person. If they did, they would know Muslims are the same as Christians and Jews and atheists and so on. It’s not some evil curse. It’s a religion that mainly focuses on peace. And to demonize it, using the horrors women have faced as an excuse is just so messed up. Most people on the internet haven’t realized there’s a big difference between a religion and people using that religion as a coverup for their shitty actions. The existence of governments using Islam to persecute women is because of bad people, not Islam. Terfs just want one group of people to be declared bad so they can blame everything on them. They claim to want to protect all women, and then condemn an entire religion. They talk about horrid treatment of women and blame religion rather than the perpetrators. It’s a very common belief a lot of them hold and I never see it mentioned and it just really pisses me off.
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undermostcorgi · 9 months ago
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the media which consumes your entire soul at age 12 will forever be a part of you. this is an unavoidable consequence of living and you have to accept this fact. no matter how old you get, no matter how long it has been since you last saw its smug face peeking out from the bushes as it follows you, no matter if you think you have outrun it for good and that you're finally finally safe and you hardly even remember it exists anymore and your brain knows a few brief moments of true peace, it WILL catch up to you in your moment of weakness. and listen you don't want to hear this but sometimes this is necessary for your mental health. you will on instinct want to reject it and run away again but sometimes. sometimes you just need to watch that old show or listen to that silly song or read that weird book again as an adult and it will hurt you a little bit in various little ways but it will also heal you a little bit. you can call it nostalgia you can call it connecting with your inner child or whatever you want but just listen to me it WILL HAPPEN TO YOU TOO AT SOME POINT AND YOU HAVE TO BE PREPARED FOR THIS (i am forcibly dragged off the stage by security)
#heed my warning boy#it seems i am not well today#recently made the reluctant decision to revisit what was probably my VERY FIRST real hyperfixation#something that i don't necessarily want to mention by name right now because. well#its pretty objectively bad LOL like i dont think i know of ANYONE still posting about it or really proud of having liked it back in the day#i dont think it is as well known to the general public so it wont get me hunted down for sport even if i did name it probably hopefully#but for those who know its. probably not the best thing to be revisiting lmao (even though i think it might still be being made?? wtf)#but i felt i had to because i was about to start my period and was going crazy insane like you do you know how it is#and i randomly remembered a fanfic i loved and then remembered my fav character and how much i loved him#my actual first ever blorbo oh my GOD he was everything to me#so i reluctantly decided to rewatch “just the first few episodes” just to see how much i remembered and also to prove to myself it sucks#but surprise surprise: nostalgia and hormones are making me actually kind of enjoy it#and now i am suffering from fucking Catholic-like Guilt for not hating it which i think is pretty silly lmao#so im kind of posting this in an attempt to convince myself that its like. FINE and cringe is dead and all that#and that sometimes i gotta be nice to my little mentally ill brain and give it the junk food (bad media) it craves#ESPECIALLY when im on my period LMAO#anyway completely unrelated: why the FUCK do i still remember almost every single fucking word to the delicious tomato song SDHJFKSAJF#i hope no one actually reads this far in the tags bc i know that reveal will probably deal psychological damage to some of you LMAO SORRYYY#ok yeah posting this and then immediately going to bed so that the Haters cant reach me LOL SEE YA
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running-in-the-dark · 11 months ago
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I still don't get this stuff, so, I've got a question: do most allosexuals find random people attractive? and does that mean they look at them and think 'I want to have sex with that person'? not just 'that person is very beautiful' or whatever? like if there's a group of people that are their type or whatever, they might think all of them are. idk, interesting in that way?
and how about thinking about people romantically? I don't get how you would know the difference, and, ugh I'm just so confused and stupid and I'm gonna shut up now
#I'm really confused#I'm definitely not fully ace or aro. like *definitely* not#but I mean. like. people who are into men would just think random guys are hot? right?#I'm pretty sure there's just. something wrong with me or whatever. so it doesn't matter#and I just need to stop thinking about it!#and not talk about it because I sound so stupid. but I don't want to look any of it up anymore because that just makes me feel more Wrong#every time#I don't know. it doesn't matter. there's something wrong with me and it's much more than just that so its#irrelevant#:')#I need to start putting my phone far away from my bed tbh. I always think about stupid shit when I'm half asleep and stupid thoughts#automatically end up on here.#I don't know there's really no point to this I'm just frustrated and sad and overwhelmed#I wish I could just. get over this crap. just stop.#like normally it's fine! it's all just people! they're all the same. maybe they're really pretty or handsome and nice to look at. but that's#it that's all there is. and then someone shows up and I get obsessed and then it's just that person. it's never just. oh that guy is hot or#whatever#it's always just. I go insane.#it's probably. idk completely unrelated to anything. it's probably just my obsessive tendencies#but I don't get it! I really never think about this stuff (at all) except when this happens and then. well. there's not much else really.#ugh whatever I'm just fucking stupid and I'm gonna shut up and delete this tomorrow (for real this time I hope)#okay this is far enough down that no one will read it so: do people just. think about having sex or. whatever. with just. people? like oh#he's hot I want to fuck him? is that why people make out with strangers and stuff? I'm in my 30s why do I still not understand this 😭😭😭#like I'm. not attracted to men or women or whatever it's just. one specific person. and when that's over it's like a switch has been flipped#and there's nothing again#and it's not like. oh I start talking to someone and I learn stuff about them and then I'm attracted to them. that wouldn't even work since#it's been all fictional characters for ages now. like there's no. connection or whatever because. well duh.#ugh I'm too old for this shit#personal
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