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artzee-bee · 3 years ago

Text

Not going anywhere | Lucifer Morningstar x reader

Fandom: Lucifer

Request:” Hi i have request for you ,Lucifer and the reader have a big fight they are married, and this fight it's lucifer fault The reader leaves home and Lucifer decides to give her space After a few days, he goes to the reader and realizes that she has been missing for a few days,When the person behind all this claims that the reader is dead and gives them a her body . Everyone thinks that the reader is dead and Lucifer He gets depressed and thinks it's all his fault , and after a few days, the thieves release the singer and the reader goes to Lucifer.Lucifer first thinks it is an imagination and then apologizes to the reader Thank you so much”

Genre: Angst with happy ending

Warnings: kidnapping, death

~~~

Your intention had never been to start a fight. All you wanted an explanation (preferably one that also made sense) and an apology, but apparently that was too much to ask, because as soon as you voiced your opinion, Lucifer went up in flames

“Don’t start this again!”

“I dislike it just as much as you do but what I hate more is being cancelled on, AGAIN, through a text message no less!”

“It was an emergency!”

“It’s always an emergency Lucifer! It’s starting to sound a lot like work means more to you than I do!” “The detective needs me, damn it!” your husband yelled

“And she has you! Every day of every week! All I ask for is one date night and for the past month you’ve done nothing but avoid committing to one or backing out at the last second! I’m tired of being your second choice Lucifer! I’m your wife and you are my husband, I love you to the ends of the world, I just wish you'd say no to Decker from time to time...”

“I’m saving people’s lives Y/N. So if you’re not on your deathbed, other people are and they need me now!” as he said this, Lucifer walked right past you and into your bedroom, seemingly ignorant to the painful words he’d just said. You looked around the living room, vision blurry with tears, your chest heavy with anger and disgust. You rushed towards the elevator.

“When you find time in your busy schedule and feel like being my spouse again, let me know!” the elevator door closed before Lucifer could say anything

~~~

When Lucifer woke up the next morning to a cold and empty bed, he didn’t think much of it.Truthfully, he was still kind of pissed at the attitude you had given him a day before, so he got dressed as usual and went to the precinct, assuming you’ll be home by nightfall.

Except when he got home that night, he stopped by Lux first, which ended up like it always does: with him sucked into an endless cycle of booze and dancing, that lasted until well into the night. When he did enter the penthouse eventually, he found it empty. Exactly the way he had left it in the morning. Even the tie he had left on the floor, after deciding last minute that it didn’t go with his suit, was untouched. Now this was curious, but still, Lucifer felt like you must be playing hard to get. He sent you one text message, before going to bed

“Call me when you can!”

The day after that, he figured his part was done! By reaching out first, he had already made a big compromise, so now it was your turn! To reach out, come home! But that didn’t happen that day, or the day after that.

Three days after the text message,Lucifer was getting worried. He was looking at his phone every other minute. Always making sure he hadn’t accidently put it on silent or missed any texts. He sent more messages, telling you he was sorry and that he wanted you to come home. That he would listen and spend more time with you, promising luxurious dates and weekend trips, if only you forgave him. You didn’t even open the messages.

“Lucifer are you listening?” Decker was insanely annoyed at her partner’s lack of concentration

“Sorry detective. I’ve...I’ve got a lot on my mind”

“Well, better get it out of the way now, so that we can move on to our case!” she said, cleaning out her desk quickly, before resting back into her chair “Talk to me!”

“It’s Y/N. I’m worried about her!”

“Why?” “We...had a fight a couple days ago and she left. She hasn’t come back since”

“Have you heard from her at all?”

“No…” Lucifer said, embarrassed at his own lack of care for you. He should have called you earlier, reached out more! He should have tried harder!

“How long had she been missing for?”

“4...maybe 5 days…”

“Lucifer, are you sane? And you’re only telling me now?!” Chloe jumped from her seat, turning on her computer

“I thought she needed space! I thought she was avoiding me intentionally cause she was angry! I didn’t know…” Lucifer choked back a sob, not wanting to break down in tears in the middle of the precinct

“Lucifer!” Chloe caught hold of his hand “I’m gonna find her! I promise you!” A few days later, she did. Well, more like Y/n came to her, in the shape of a pretty little gift box left on Decker's doorstep.

“A lil too late on your case detective” read the note attached to it.

Inside were Y/N’s clothes, all of them stained with dark, dried blood. Y/N was declared dead that day and the case was closed. At her funeral, only her closests friends were present. Lucifer wanted it to be as intimate as possible.

That day was also the first time anyone had seen Lucifer, since the news. His eyes were bloodshot and the dark circles under his eyes almost matched the black suit he was wearing. Throughout the ceremony he kept twisting his wedding band, a habit he’d picked up on since you went missing. He chose not to do a speech, but once the crowd disappeared, and he was left face to face with your grave, he pulled out a little piece of paper from his pocket and sat down on the grass.

“In hell, everyone feared me. There, I was nothing but another server of the universe, ruling over an empire I never really wanted, because I never had a choice. So eventually I left, thinking anywhere will be better than what I had, and I came to earth.

I ran into you about 2 weeks later, before I really even knew how to behave myself. Before I knew anything about who I really was besides ‘the devil’. I longed to know, grow and discovers different sides of me, where I could be something new, and you gave it to me. You made me who I never thought I could possibly be. You made me a lover. I never thought of myself as capable to love anyone, in any degree, but your light shone everywhere you went and your kindness touched me and everyone around you. It became impossible to not get infatuated with your person. I allowed you to see and feel around every dark corner of my soul and being and every time I thought it was the end. Everytime I would take in your touch as if it was the last, I would prepare myself for abandonment, but it never came. Through everything you stood by my side and when I felt my darkest, you gave me a fistful of your light and that was enough to keep me going. You married a broken man and called him perfect, despite everyone telling you how much of a foul you were. Even then, you shooed them away. Even then you chose me. I wasn’t worthy of your love or your trust and our last night together proved it.

You’re not here anymore to hear my apologies and I’ll never forgive myself for it. You’ve gone now somewhere I can not follow, but I know you are well taken care of there. I hope, someway, somehow, you’ll hear these words: I am sorry. I loved you with my entire soul. Not listening to you was the biggest mistake of my life and I’ll never forgive myself. I choose however, to remember you as you were, because I know that’s what you’d want. I’ll remember you and your laugh.I’ll remember our date nights and shopping sprees. Nights in Lux or on the penthouse balcony. I’ll remember all the meals you prepared for me and the flirtatious remarks you used to make, because you thought they were so silly. I’ll remember the little frown on your face whenever you worked on an important project for work and I’ll remember every evening walk around the block you’d make me accompany you on. I know I always complained about them, but they were always fun. Everything I ever did with you was always fun.

I loved you. I still do. You are my everything Y/N. Thank you for devoting yourself to me in all the ways that you did. I’ll forever live on in my heart.“

~~~

It had been months since your disappearance. After all this time, you finally managed to escape your kidnappers and report them to the New York police station, since that’s where you had been held hostage for so long. As soon as the paperwork was done and you were sure that the people who ruined you were getting the punishment they deserved, you jumped on a train and headed straight back home. Straight to Lucifer.

Lux looked exactly the same as you had left it. You were washed over by a wave of comfort that almost brought you to tears. Home. You never thought you’d get to step in here again. Overwhelmed, you took a seat on one of the couches, allowing your head to rest back on it, as you took in every detail of your surroundings: the feel of the leather on your fingertips, the cool breeze of the air conditioning, the warm lights. Everything was still here.

“Y/N?” you jumped at the sound

“Hi love…” your voice broke as you said those words. Words you never thought you would be able to mutter again. The sight of your husband, messy as he was, made you weak in the knees. He was standing at the top of the staircase, dressed in nothing but his robe, tied carelessly around his waist. He had probably just woken up. You wanted to say something again, but before you could, he laughed

“Nope” he said simply, before making his way down the stairs and to the bar “I’m not doing this. Not today, not ever!” Lucifer filled his glass to the top with bourbon, before turning around and trying to leave back to where he came from

“Lucifer, it's me!”

“Sure you are, except you’re not real! Nice of dad, taking my ability to stay endlessly sober, getting me drunk, forcing visions of my dead wife onto me to teach me another lesson about managing my emotions. Real clever, except this is too much! So I’m going to enter that elevator and I expect to never have to see you again, hum? Right, well, au revoir now!” he continued on his way, but before he could get far, you were clutching on the silk tie of his robe. Lucifer felt the tug around his waist and turned around slowly to look at you, this time a little more unsure. As if he was trying to figure you out

“Lucifer, I’m Y/N. I escaped”

“Escaped? But that’s impossible, she died! I saw it-”

“What you saw was a bloody shirt!” he looked up to meet your gaze, tears already forming “They lied to you Lucifer”

Finally, it seemed like he had connected all of the pieces of the puzzle. The glass of alcohol fell to the ground and your husband wrapped you in a big hug for the first time in months. He nuzzled his head in your hair and took in your scent, your figure, your warmth. Hell, you were even more perfect that he remembered! Silent tears fell down both of your cheeks as you collapsed to the ground, still holding onto each other for dear life

“I’m so sorry” Lucifer sobbed in your hair “I’m so so sorry”

“It wasn’t your fault Luci”

“If I hadn’t been a jerk you wouldn’t have left! If I would have simply listened to you, they wouldn’t have gotten to you! You would’ve stayed here, where you belong! You would have stayed with me but instead I was too busy with my stupid job and the stupid cases and I’m sorry! I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry” he continued crying on your shoulder as you rubbed small circles on his back

“I’m here now my love” you whispered, kissing his cheek “And I’m not going anywhere”

#lucifer #lucifer netflix #lucifer morningstar x reader #lucifer morningstar imagine #lucifer morningstar angst #lucifer morningstar

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parkerpeter24 · 3 years ago

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You’re having a really bad day and Prof!tom notices and offers to spend the rest of the day with you to make it up to you, lots of reassuring words and a lil confession! Fluff to the max basically :’)

long day

pairing ➳ prof!tom x reader

w.c. ➳ 1.1k

warnings ➳ professor-student relationship (both are of age)

a/n ➳ rosie, happy birthday!! i wanted to post this today because what better day than today to post a prof!tom fic for you <3

tom was about to go off. he was about to go off like an alarm and there was no stopping him. he had just returned from a long day of running errands and making sure to sit with the librarian and get the stock of history books, his subject, that came in just a day before, stamped. his whole sunday had been ruined with all this and now he couldn’t find his favorite pair of sweats.

he plopped down on the couch of his apartment’s living room in work clothes finally heaving a relieved sigh. his next step was pulling out his phone from his pants’ pocket, dialing your number. he expected you to pick up the phone and listen about his excruciating day as he rambled on, but there was no reply from your end. he hadn’t seen you this weekend and he believed you were busy with assignments.

it was after five missed calls that tom threw his phone on the couch as it bounced against the leather, almost tipping off the edge. he was clear about one fact that you wouldn’t have gone to sleep this early in the evening considering your two am calls that were very evident in his call history.

he was desperate to have you pick up his call, his fingers working on their own accord, dialing your landline number without considering that your roommate could be the one picking up the phone.

you heard the landline ringing continuously but decided to ignore it just like the last five phone calls. you were exhausted but not sleepy at the same time. you didn’t feel like getting rest but your head was throbbing.

“corey?!” you called out to your roommate but got only silence in response, “can you get the call?”

receiving yet no reply, you rolled off the bed, landing on your knees on the carpeted floor before getting up and making your way outside with slumped shoulders. there were no signs of your roommate around the 2bhk apartment. you grabbed the landline in your hands before plopping down on the couch, finally answering the call begrudgingly

"hello?"

"darling, why aren't you picking up your phone, i've been trying to reach you for the longest time! i had such a bad day at work and when i need you, you're not even picking up my calls" tom rambled

"i was busy." your answer was precise, ignoring the way you felt yourself tense at his accusations, "uni and stuff." tom noticed how your voice sounded quieter.

"is everything alright?" he asked, now sitting up a bit straighter, worry lacing his smooth words.

"yeah, i'm good."

lie. he could see right through you. he might have had a bad day and he just wanted to talk to you, maybe even bitch about this one nagging colleague of his who won't stop talking about their kid picking up a block. now, tom loves kids but how many times can you hear a story, certainly not seventeen times in a day. but as far as he was concerned right now, he would've been at gunpoint and still asking you if you were feeling okay, because he could tell something was wrong.

"doesn't sound like good, darling." he let out slowly, as if he spoke any higher, he would irritate and give you one more reason to avoid his calls, "you at home?"

"mhm, i am." you replied.

you worried about sounding rude, making him want to get over with this call and finally get to relax after a long day, but the gears in tom's head were turning in other directions. never in a million years would you have thought his next sentence would be, "i'm coming over." tom stated, already working on putting his shoes back on.

you had thought about retreating to your bed but tom's text reading 'almost there' illuminated your phone screen sooner that you thought and soon enough you were making your way over to the door. opening it, you saw tom in his disheveled state, eyes slightly red and hair flying in all directions, bearing a dopey smile just for you as his hand lifted up a packet. you smiled at the sweet man, "what's that?"

"cupcakes, silly!" he made his way inside your apartment. a sense of relief washed over you as you recalled that your roommate had went out, however the fact that tom didn't make sure of that before coming over made your heart flutter in adoration and nervousness at the same time. after all this secret little rendezvous of yours had to end sooner or later.

"sounds delicious." you gave the older man a smile as you both made your way over to the dining table. tom pulled out a chair for you, making you chuckle, "such a gentleman." you remarked before sitting down.

it was a few bites into your cupcake when tom decided to bring up the question from before, "are you okay, darling?"

you felt your body tense as you gulped down the lump in your throat but tom's soft smile made you nod your head, "better now. i was overthinking about uni and how i could never be really good in any subject."

"what're you talking about? you're exceptional in my subject!"

"you're just saying that because you love me." you chuckled, taking another bite of your delightful cupcake, not giving another thought to the words that left your mouth. it was tom's turn to visibly tense, a sudden epiphany causing you to choke on the sweetness in your mouth, "n-no, i meant- i didn't mean to say that out loud!" you stuttered your way through words, caught off guard but you were surely making up a whole explanation about the words you'd just said, "it just slipped out, we can pretend that never happened, i'm just so stupid, you obviously don't love-"

and before you could go on another rambling spree, tom's lips were on yours. his hand caressing your cheek softly, lulling you in closer as his tongue poked out to swipe the remains of frosting off of your lips. a little upturn of your lips and tom was reciprocating the smile enveloping your lips. you couldn't help but run a hand through his messy locks as the both of you pulled back, oxygen signifying its importance, "i do love you."

you rested your forehead against his, finding pure adoration in his eyes. he did love you, maybe it was never about hiding what you had from everyone but keeping it for each other's eyes only, "i do love you too."

———

#tom holland #prof!tom #prof!tom holland x reader #prof!tom holland #tom holland one shot #tom holland blurb #tom holland imagine #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland fic #tom holland au #tom holland fanfic #tom holland x you #tom holland x y/n #tom holland x reader #tom holland fluff #tom holland drabble

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katzkinder · 3 years ago

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Hello! I’m the Anon that sent in the Sakuya w/ pillow and guardian angel sister drabble a while back 😅 I read your Cain vs Able Envy vs Lust post

https://katzkinder.tumblr.com/post/645026783681511424/cain-vs-abel-envy-vs-lust

and this drabble popped up in my head and I couldn’t stop myself. I hope the Sakuya one wasn’t too out there… if it’s not any trouble, your post made me conjure this, it’s pretty much a ‘based on / continuation’ of your post… I was hoping to get your feedback? I’m sorry I have a terrible habit of making these things too long😓

First off, every detail of the (eventual PLEASE BE EVENTUAL!) Misono vs. Mikuni fight that no one can leave until the end… I love every second of it!

There was one other aspect though… one of Lily’s main abilities is erasing/manipulating memories *cough cough, another Sakuya foil, cough cough*

so what if upon Misono realizing just how much Mikuni does love him…

what if Misono amid the fight played to the advantage of everyone, Mikuni included, presuming that he’s weak and Misono uses that, putting on an act of being out cold or severely hurt and Lily, aware of what Misono is doing, Lily manipulates Mikuni’s memories/perception of the situation before running to Misono’s side cradling a limp body to further the act so Mikuni thinks he’s gone too far and legitimately hurt his baby brother.

In that moment of panic, Mikuni drops Able on the ground and starts stumbling towards the Servamp cradling his baby brother… he falls to his knees before all of a sudden Misono twitches his fingers or crinkles his nose or something to signal Lily ‘now!’ and Lily jumps behind Mikuni to carry out Execution Block of the Red Queen.

The part I love the most is imagining Mikuni, with Lily’s scythe to his throat just before Lily pulls it, Misono stands, looking down at Mikuni with a confident, almost playful smile that mimics Mikuni’s very own and Misono just quotes something Mikuni said a long time ago… “‘The winner or the loser is decided by who can be cruelest to the end.’ Those we’re your words, right brother?” and right then and there Lily pulls the scythe with a “pleasant dreams, master Mikuni.”

If I’m not mistaken, if something like this happened, this would be the first time Misono has called Mikuni “brother” to his face since he left… as well as the first time Lily had called him “Master” since he left…

Misono is victorious. As the alternate reality begins to fade, Mikuni’s consciousness would begin to fade too… and with a weak chuckle, a smirk, and maybe he even has a “good game, brother” or something like that left in him… in that moment Mikuni is truly happy Misono has surpassed the frail little boy he once was… the frail little boy that now only exists in memories and Mikuni’s treasured photographs.

&OK! the reason I haven’t really mentioned Jeje in this little scenario is because… as far as I know… he’s pretty much the only Servamp we’ve seen who won’t act on his own, outside of his Eve’s orders… even if it means protecting his Eve.

I keep thinking back to the Lust Arc where Jeje, obviously hesitant, asks Mikuni on the rooftop why he isn’t going back to Alicein manor to help and Mikuni responds chuckling, asking Jeje if his asking is referring to Misono or Lily - and Mikuni puts on one of the most tortured/forced/almost somewhat psychopathic smiles and asks Jeje “Do you seriously have any right to ask me that?”And Jeje immediately shuts up and hangs his head in shame.

Unless Mikuni directly ordered him… I honestly don’t believe Jeje would continue to intervene in this fight between Alicein brothers on his own accord. I think he’d be very hesitant to really do anything in this setting from the very beginning unless directly ordered to do so because of the guilt and shame he does feel about how his influence of Envy cost both of them a mother (technically cost Misono 2 mothers).

I think that even if Jeje didn’t necessarily believe Misono was really hurt… he wouldn’t intervene because Mikuni believed he was; I do believe in some ways Jeje does genuinely care about Mikuni, that at least from his POV their relationship/contract isn’t entirely made up out of loyalty and guilt…

& again Jeje seems to be one of the only Servamps that makes no act on his own to defend his Eve from harm (excluding Lawless’ past Eve murder sprees) without being told - Jeje may not have agreed with Mikuni’s mom wanting to kill Misono, but he did not object - Jeje could have easily stopped Mikuni from stabbing and killing his Eve / the boy’s own mother, but he didn’t - Jeje could intervene on this moment right now and try to snap Mikuni out of it or take a (non-fatal) shot at Misono or Lily… but I don’t think he would.

Maybe later when Mikuni would come to… he’s in a bed in a big empty room… and his hands/feet/body is secured to the bed of course. He smiles knowing his little brother knew not to underestimate him.

Misono, with Lily🦋 on his hair, comes in with a glass of water and some pain killer or something and summons his chair/lead, sitting down facing Mikuni and is 100% straight with him, bringing up again what he had screamed during their fight. Mikuni couldn’t slip out easily at the moment, he had no choice but to listen, and Misono starts saying again “stop doing everything on your own, you have people who love you!” just with less screaming, more composure, and a 100% guaranteed tsundere blush.

They have this heart to heart and then Misono looks Mikuni in the eyes; even if Misono already knows, he wants to hear it from Mikuni himself.

Misono tells Mikuni that he knows he is the love child of their father and Mikuni’s teacher; that he knows Mikuni’s mom killed his biological mother; that he knows Mikuni’s mom took him in as a baby… but eventually wanted to kill him too.

Mikuni has his gaze turned away and Misono slams his hand down on the bedside, leaning over his brother that is still restrained to the bed. “I know what she was going to do… but how… how could you kill mother?” Misono is trembling, he needed an answer and we’ll all finally get a more detailed recollection of the events from that night from Mikuni’s perspective! Mwahahahaha

Sometime later once they’ve both recovered from this conversation, Misono gets up to leave, his chair/lead disappearing on command and with his back turned says “I’ve missed having my brother around.”

Once Misono opens the door he turns back with a soft smile and says “and I’m not the only one. After I bested him, he asked me to tell you to come home… he wants to talk again… like a family.”

With that, Misono exits and Mikado walks through the door to talk with his son.

And of course the chapter/arc would end there and we’d have to know gosh knows how long to find out what goes down with those two in a room together when Mikuni can’t just get up and slip away.

Bonus: I’d most definitely wager Mikuni at the very least cockily attempts to make his dad uncomfortable (to avoid talking) by making various comments about how perverted it is Mikage is comfortable having his son tied to the bed frame like this 🙄

fgjdfh YEAH I HAVE YOUR ASK STILL I keep trying to write a little drabble in response but I'm stuck 😭

Gosh I love all of this though, like, yes! Also Mikuni being tied down made me laugh a ridiculous amount, like. He's so tired, and this isn't helping. He WOULD make an inappropriate crack at Mikado in the hopes the man will go away, but unfortunately for him... It's not going to work

Hhhhh, with Jeje... I half agree? That he isn't the type to move unless his Eve tells him to, but also, I wonder about what happened that night. Did Jeje help Mikuni kill her? Did Mikuni kill her at all? Did the Servamp of Envy murder his Eve in order to protect her children? What happened all that time ago?

The answer, to me, is obvious. Both of those brothers are loved, oh so dearly, by their Servamps.

#servamp #mikuni alicein #envy pair #asks #anonymous #kat's mewsings #thanks for the ask nonny!!

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universitypenguin · 3 years ago

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What happened to u? U okay?

Hello!

First off, thank you for your concern. I appreciate it and I needed it after the past two days. To answer your question - I'm doing great.

I don’t have a lot of context about your question, but I’m guessing your concern is due to my recent blocking spree. A day ago, I went through my followers list and found some minors. I’ve previously seen smut fanfic writers concerned by underage people interacting with their posts. Until I had to block a few of them, I wasn’t aware how uncomfortable it would make me feel.

Since the blocking spree, I've had a lot of thoughts. I'm about to spew them everywhere. You might regret asking me if I was okay. Sorry about that. No one needs to read this whole manifesto about my rollercoaster of emotions the past few days. But in the interest of transparency, I'm posting this very long note.

What I want my readers to know is the following:

Tumblr is both a place for fanfiction and a social media site.

When I interact with followers and write explicit content, I have to be careful about what I'm saying and who I'm saying it to.

I don't intend to block or purge my followers in the future.

As long as I appropriately tag and put warnings on my work, that is adequate protection for my blog. Everything I write containing explicit content is tagged.

However, I won't interact with users who don't have an age stated in their bio.

There have to be boundaries, given the content of my writing. But I've also come around to the realization that I'm not capable of policing every interaction. Tumblr is a public forum. Minors following me makes me uncomfortable. But by the same token, my work is clearly labeled at 18+ and so is my blog.

There's a lot of explicit content out there for minors if you really think about it. In my high school freshman English class we talked about the book "The Color Purple." Believe me, that was explicit and we were only 14. Any minor with a library card and a Google browser can access a lot more intense content than what I write. I hope they're all being safe, but I can't have a melt down blocking spree again.

I'm not a cop, I'm not a parent, and what minors consume is down to them and the adult responsible for them. If I know someone is a minor I'll block them, should I notice they're trying to interact with me. Otherwise, I'm not purging my followers ever again. It's too much drama. I'd rather leave Tumblr than do that twice. I'm tired and I'm starting to work on my post graduate classes, I work full time in a demanding job, I'm in the process of editing my novel, and trying to keep up with my personal life. Quite literally, I don't have time to block. Writing fanfic is supposed to be my fun time. Let's keep it that way.

Due to the fact that some people I blocked were later unblocked after I took a closer look at their blogs, I'm posting a full explanation below. A quick summary is this:

After only writing for three months, I'd amassed 500 followers. On Monday I blocked almost 200 of them. Then I reviewed my block list and editing down some people who were prematurely blocked. [I assume the anon is one of the unblocked who had me disappear from their dash. Sorry!] This blocking thing isn't sustainable. In the future I'll run my blog differently as far as interaction goes in an effort to be responsible.

Continue reading for the saga of:

The Great Blocking Spree and Existential Crisis of an Erotic Fanfic Writer.

The Blocking Spree:

On Monday I realized a thirteen year old was following me and interacting with my work. This creeped me out.

*Commence blocking spree*

Then I realized how daunting my followers list was. I had 500 followers prior to Monday. That day I blocked about 200 people (some of them prematurely - more on that later.) So after the daunting task of trying to assume, to check bios for ages, to review blog content and determine the user's age, I was tired. Today, I even took a moment to reconsider if I wanted to use Tumblr. Because if all this is my responsibility, maybe I don't have the time or dedication to manage it. When I can be chill, I try to be. This attitude also affected by blocking. It contributed to me unblocking people. When I was doing the blocking spree, I'd give people with no age in their bio a fair shot by reviewing their posts.

I blocked some bot accounts, then a bunch of blank blogs, some ambiguous people who very well could be of age. For the first 100 followers I was pretty aggressive. Then my attention span dropped off and I was a bit more ambivalent. I realized I was doing a crappy job of moderating and wondered what the point was.

The point was that the thirteen year old interacting with my work freaked me out. When I found two sixteen year old followers, it pushed me to continue the purge.

So on I go, blocking. I'm so responsible for doing this, right? But my methodology is crap. What is context for being an adult? Someone had posted about budgeting advice. I thought the budgeting advice was too good for it not to have come from an adult. But my father's a financial advisor and to be honest, I could have given that level of advice at fifteen just from osmosis. Someone had pictures of themselves entering their marijuana plants in the Oregon State Fair. Okay, you've got to be over 18. I didn't block them. Someone else complained about their stats professor and I didn't block them. But in retrospect, one of my high school friends got permission to take college level math courses when we were seniors. She was seventeen when she had a stats professor. The thought circles back - what am I accomplishing here? Next, I went back and unblocked someone who ranted about her Tinder matches being 60 year old men. I wondered if their post was even real. I've lied on the internet before. Nonetheless, I persisted and worked through all 500 followers. When I was done I had 312 followers left.

Post Blocking Spree Existential Crisis:

I know that all the blocking in the world can't stop a teenager who wants to read smut fanfic. I'm not much for posting on social media and I'm not used to a lot of anonymous interaction online. Honestly, I got rid of my SM accounts during college when I felt it was wasting my time. This is the first time I've really use a social media site to post content since college. My twitter account is unused, my Instagram is for close personal friends only, and my TikTok is for mindless consumption of cat videos. (I've trained the algorithm to feed me only cat videos, it's great and I highly recommend it.) I don't post on TikTok, so I don't consider it full use, just lurking.

Okay, Alice, get back to the point....

Right, being anonymous on social media. My blocks are a fence and it's based on self identification from the blogs that follow me. I have little faith in underage consumers to out themselves. I have even less faith in their honesty or respect for an adult's boundaries. They're at a stage in life where they want to push the boundaries. Telling them no is all but inviting them in. I did my blocking spree because I was worried about backlash from someone's parents. But what reasonable judge would come after a fanfic writer? Come on. Logical thoughts but me emotional distress was still brewing.

Why I am the one responsible for who clicks the follow button on my blog? I've always clearly identified what I write and tagged my work as smut.

That thought snapped me out of my whirlwind of anxious thoughts. So I started looking into the laws. My regular work involves medicine, not the legal profession, so I was lost. I found some state level laws that made me glad I'd gone on a blocking spree. California and Florida have specific language in their laws about 'providing minors with explicit content.' But what exactly is that? What I researched applied to the following activities: co-writing smut fanfic with other people, sexting, roleplaying and online messaging.

I run a fanfic blog with limited interaction. I've never done an ask. I don't roleplay on here and I don't want to.

The blocks weren't personal. They were partly based on the awareness that Tumblr is an interactive site and a place that's had a problem with child pornography in the past. But I'm not the smut police. I suck at blocking, and I doubt I did a good job of purging my followers list. This is when it hit me that boundaries are only what I can enforce. They've never been about how other people relate to me, only how I relate to them. (Wow. I've never sounded more like my mother in my life...) After this thought, I started considering what actions I ought to take if I wanted to keep posting fanfic on Tumblr.

My Post Blocking Spree Clarity...

It's up to me who I interact with. I don't have to reply to every comment and re-blog, but I'd like to. I'm stuck between wanting to write for everyone and handling interactions on a social media site that's mostly anonymous.

The fact remains: I can't be the smut police because I suck at it.

What I've decided is that I'll make it very clear on my blog that this is an 18+ space where I publish erotic fanfiction. Smut will always be appropriately marked. I'm not going to interact with reviews, re-blogs, and messages from accounts who don't have their age in their profile. I won't include them in my tag list either. The internet is a public forum. Just as with publishing erotica, once it's out there online for download, it's done. As a ghost writer and an author, I don't control who buys my original fiction, which is just as spicy as my fanfiction. (Trust me, it's explicit. I once had a romance editor tell me I should dial it back on the smutty parts of a novel because "it's a lot of sex for a non-erotica market.") The key difference on Tumblr is about interaction. And that's something I can control. I can decide when I reply to other users. What brought me around to this was the realization that even after the blocking spree, I can't review every single like I get. That's an amount of time and mental energy that's beyond me. Just the past two days have been exhausting and sapped my will to write. Which sucks because I need to go write the next chapter of "Restitution" before tomorrow.

I think the reasons I went on the blocking spree are nuanced. The thirteen year old freaked me out. So did the other underaged people who had ages in their bios. But it also relates to my work. In my job I've seen some nasty child abuse cases. Early on in my career, when I was a 23 year old new hire, I was working on an autopsy for a child abuse victim who'd been murdered by their parent. It was so terrible and graphic, I had to ask one of my older colleagues to take the case. This colleague didn't like me. But she took one look at my face and took the file. She closed out the review without a question and never brought it up again to anyone. I was very grateful. Where I used to work (and where this incident took place) was a major city that holds the unfortunate title of being the human trafficking capital of the US. And something I learned working there was that most human trafficking victims go with their captors willingly. In two years at that job, I never saw one who'd been kidnapped from a dark alley like you see on TV. They were all groomed on social media and thought they were escaping their families (who were often overbearing, toxic, or dysfunctional) for a get away with friends. It was a fun adventure with their internet buddies, until it wasn't.

In retrospect, the underage interaction I found on my blog made me react because of what I've been through. The autopsy case kept coming back to me today while I was at work and I've finally untangled my emotions enough to figure out what caused my melt down. When I was blocking, I was feeling an anxious motivation that I know can only stem from the stress I deal with at my job. Don't feel sorry for me about this - I know my work in medicine helps a lot of people and it's a tremendously satisfying career.

Our Saga's Resolution & How I'm Going to Deal With This In The Future...

- - - - -

In post block clarity, I offer this conclusion:

I'm writing on a public forum. My work is appropriately tagged as smut. In the future, I will also use the tag #no minors to help with filtering. I've always asked underage people not to interact. And on a public forum, what more can I reasonably do? Going forward I will only interact with those who have their age posted in their bio. But blocking sprees and policing every interaction isn't feasible.

I'll review how I'm going to run my tag lists as well. I need to think it over and let my followers know my decision as to if I'll continue using them. Because tagging is definitely interaction and my current tag list was not screened at all. *face palm*

Finally, to my readers who have blank blogs or don't have an age listed. I respect your right to privacy and I'm careful with my personal information as well. But I've also had an uncomfortable two days. If you've lasted through this venting session until now, you must understand that I'm upset by underage interaction. I'm setting my own boundaries and going forward, I'll own my side of the internet. No interaction from me, unless I know your age. Full stop - no exceptions. I think it is reasonable for me to suggest that you leave something on your blog that signifies you are not a minor, whatever that may be. Someone who I didn't block that stands out in my memory had a bio that said "90s baby." It was simple, direct, and left no doubt they were over 18. No age reveal and not even a name. If you put something like this on your blog it'll help explicit content creators feel more comfortable about their interactions.

I went on a spree this Monday and I admit to being heavy handed and aggressive about pruning followers. I had an emotional reaction due to work stress and I didn't think things through logically. I'm relieved for the chance explain myself and set new boundaries that I'm capable of sticking to in the future. But remember - the block button is on my side of the screen. At the end of the day, you might be unhappy with me for the block, but it's my button, it's my blog, and I'll use it as I see fit.

Thank you for reading.

#tw vent #tw child abuse #tw trauma #tw violence #tw human trafficking #penguin blog update #new rules #i'm sorry #its been a long week #I almost left tumblr over this #blocking spree #clarity #smut #no minors #smut fanfiction #smut writing #smut blog #I talk about my work trauma from medicine #boundaries

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orionsangel86 · 5 years ago

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what are your thoughts on the deancas endgame.. how will they resolve the Empty.. any thoughts?

Ah that old question! How it pains us all! :P

What are my thoughts on DeanCas endgame now? Honestly it changes everyday!

When Cas first made his deal with the Empty, it seemed so damn obvious to me that it would be a lead up to overt canon Destiel. At the time I was pretty sure that there was nothing else that could bring Cas that level of happiness. Now I’m not so sure. Cas’s devotion to Jack has only grown, and the fracturing of the Winchester family at the end of Season 14 was a huge hit to him. I can now easily envisage something as simple as Cas being invited to carve his name on the bunker table being the trigger point, so long as Jack is alive and well. Being part of the Winchester family has definitely been the principle factor the writers have built on for Cas over the past season. I therefore think that if the Empty does come for Cas, it will be from something familial, something like Jack and the Winchesters all sitting around and them paying specific attention to Cas for doing something great, like actually stopping a monster, saving a ton of people, and doing it all the human way, leading to a very impressed Sam and a loved up Dean beaming at him and telling him to carve his initials, and making sure he adds the W.

As much as I would love it and ascend to fandom heaven if it happened, I don’t think the empty deal is gonna be triggered by Dean grabbing and kissing Cas up against his bedroom door, or even actually saying a very clearly romantic “I love you”. Not that I don’t think that will happen at all, but I feel the Empty deal will need to be addressed very soon, and I just can’t see any overt confirmation of Destiel in text before the very end (if at all) at this point.

Please let me explain my thought process on this before anyone get’s upset or jumps on me.

Season 15, imo, has done a lot for Destiel. Since the very first episode we have had a clear emotional storyline specific to Dean and Cas. Their relationship drama has basically fuelled the emotional heart of the season so far. It has lead to journalists, interviewers, and plenty of check marks on Twitter agreeing that whatever Dean and Cas have, it’s something very special, and important to Supernaturals beating core.

The fact is, Dean and Cas are already being written as a romantic couple. They are being written as two people who deeply love each other, to the point that they get ridiculously overly emotional around each other and when the other hurts them. Their relationship is constantly called out by other characters (Belphegor, Rowena) and mirrored to the more overt (however unfair that is) heterosexual relationship in the show (Sam and Eileen).

If we were still living within the era of the Hays Code, if this was The Celluloid Closet, then we would already be championing Destiel as an epic example of queer romance. It IS a queer romance after all. Destiel is real, it exists within the Supernatural story, and the SPN writing team including actual queer writers are 100% on our side and writing Destiel as best they can. This I am 100% certain of at this stage. As a meta writer, I am already validated that my reading of the show and of Destiel as a queer romance in the show is correct. Destiel isn’t something anyone can justifiably call us delusional for seeing anymore. We have come way far beyond that point here. If you see Destiel as a romantic love story, your reading is a correct reading because that IS the story the writers are writing. Season 15 has confirmed that with the Destiel break up story arc and Dean’s prayer. This I say with absolute certainty. Your reading of Destiel as valid and an actual queer love story is correct. It is the story they are telling. People can’t deny Destiel anymore because it is those deniers who at this stage look pretty damn delusional ya know?

I have bolded several lines above because they are important and I really want to stress that this is my stance on the matter. Do not let anyone try to convince you that I feel differently here. If you are a young queer person who sees yourself and your relationship in the DeanCas love story you are valid in seeing that. Exactly as it is, right now, without any need for further confirmation within the story. I am in no way trying to invalidate you by what I am about to say next.

I mentioned the Hays Code and the Celluloid Closet. If you haven’t seen the Celluloid Closet I urge you to watch it as it is a fascinating look into queer coding within the Hays code era. Also, quickly, if you aren’t aware of what I mean by the Hays Code it’s basically the code that Hollywood had to adhere to, setting out rules of what could and couldn’t be portrayed in cinema at the time. Here’s a link to the Wiki article on the history of queer cinema. The introduction of the Hay’s code also meant the introduction of queer coding and subtext rather than explicit dipictions of queer romance in cinema. When I refer to this in relation to Dean and Cas, basically what Supernatural is doing with Dean and Cas is exactly what was done to dipict queer romance in order to get around the Hays code during the era when it was enforced.

So when I say that Destiel is real and valid and being written as a love story, I mean that the writers are basically doing with Destiel what savvy filmmakers had to do to circumvent the Hay’s code during Hollywoods golden age.

Do you see the issue yet?

It is 2020. The Hay’s Code has been abolished for around 50 years.

I fully respect the SPN writing team for trying to tell the Destiel love story as best they can, but at this point in time, even with everything they have already given us, it is still subtext.

Subtext IS a part of the text. What is Canon? What isn’t Canon? Honestly? I’m done with the arguments about it. Believe what each of you want to believe. What I will say is that I don’t think we are going to get anything more overt from the show at this point. The reason I say this is because the writers have now had plenty of ideal opportunities to actually bring the Destiel love story into text. They could have had a single line in 15x07 that confirmed Dean and Lee had a romantic relationship when they were younger. It would have been so easy to do. But they didn’t. Dean’s prayer to Cas, in all it’s glory, could have given us one line more as well. We could have had a love confession. They could have taken it there. Again, it would have been so easy, and it was the ideal opportune moment for Dean to confess. But they didn’t.

I have gone back and forth on this particular question over and over again. The question being will Destiel be brought into explicit undeniable text by series end?

Again, I stress, this question is completely separate to the question of the validity of Destiel already within the text and I swear to God if I get a single argumentative person in my mentions coming at me because they’ve been brainwashed by *people* trying to twist and blur these lines I am going on an even bigger blocking spree to the one I’ve already been on.

In my opinion, the answer to this question resides not with the decisions of the writers (who I fully believe would make it overtly canon in a heartbeat if they could) but with the CW execs. I have my own theories about what goes on behind the scenes, and what I think Dabb has been fighting with since he first took over as showrunner in season 11, and I just really hope that at some point once this is all over we will get a big expose on the truth about Destiel which confirms my speculation and slams the CW execs for not wanting to go there with Supernatural in particular (something I have previously talked about here). I would love for the execs to have given the green light on Destiel being overt by season end, and I am still hoping they have been more lenient this season even if the okay is only for one small moment. Whatever we get or do not get, it will be at the hands of the CW execs and not the writers. That’s the one thing I ask everyone to please keep in mind whatever happens in the end.

As far as what I think may or may not happen...

I would love for the Empty to take Cas because Dean confesses his love and kisses him. Or even if the Empty takes Cas because of other things, having Dean then rescue Cas from the Empty in a poetic reverse of Cas rescuing Dean from Hell, with the big reunion being their overt textual getting together. I feel like the story could go in so many different directions right now as I don’t actually feel like the plot of season 15 is all that coherant so far. The main key notes were Dean and Cas’s relationship drama, Sam and Eileen’s reunion, Chuck messing with the boys and Jack’s return. I think that things will ramp up pretty quickly in this final run of episodes from mid March to the finale, and I think a lot of storylines will get addressed and resolved in a short space of time, at this point, if anything overt does happen for Dean and Cas, it will happen quickly, and the story will move on, or it will be left in the subtext until the very final episode, or it will remain in subtext completely.

Personally, I think that Dean and Cas’s love story will remain subtextual until the very end, with potentially an “I love you” from Dean that will be interpreted as platonic by all major media sources much to all of our frustrations (a repeat of the Season 12 Cas “I love you”) (As Dean needs to tell Cas he loves him as a plot point at this stage, regardless of whether it is romantic or platonic the story basically demands it be said). I am still quietly confident that Dean and Cas will end the season together in some way, either living or dead, I don’t think that their story or their individual story arcs work if they are separated, and I will be stunned and hurt the same way I was for Game Of Thrones if the show does take a different route.

Therefore, since I see the show ending with Dean and Cas together, I can potentially see them taking each others hands in one final shot that basically subtly confirms that they are an item without ever actually textually stating anything more or giving us a kiss or anything. I personally, would be very satisfied with this. If it doesn’t happen though, if I’m totally honest, I would also be satisfied so long as they are still together by the shows end, as I have continually stressed, Destiel is already a real and valid love story that totally validates me as a meta writer, even if it isn’t technically “canon” by all major definitions of the term. (Again I stg if anyone comes at me for saying this I am blocking without devoting a second of my time to arguing with you I am literally at zero tolerance on this ridiculous argument right now and refuse to be dragged back into the bullshit).

Whatever happens, I am loving what we are getting so far. I’ve really been enjoying this season especially the Dean and Cas storyline because it has been so intense and emotional and I LIVE FOR IT! :D I know I’ll be a puddle of tears whatever happens and I just hope that it keeps up this excellent trajectory because so far I’ve been really pleased with everything else we’ve got even if I was slightly disappointed by the show not pushing 15x07 and 15x09 just that tiny bit further into overt canon confirmation of Bi!Dean and Destiel. We’ll see. As I have already said several times, I am feeling pretty validated by my interpretation of Dean and Cas’s relationship over the past so many years I’ve been writing about them. I am confident that I will continue to feel validated as we reach the final run of episodes, and I will continue to be optimistic that Dean and Cas will get a satisfying ending together, whether that includes overt textual Destiel confirmation or not.

#destiel #deancas #supernatural #spn meta #castiel #dean winchester #spn speculation #season 15 #destiel dreaming #spn endgame speculation #destiel endgame speculation #my meta #the great queerbating debate #queercoding #hays code #asks #anon #Anonymous

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modernsocialmediaau · 5 years ago

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AVALANCE AU

AU: Sara is lead singer in a band called The Legends. Her band mates are; Charlie: Bass Player, Nate: Lead Guitarist, Zari: Drummer, Ray: Pianist. They call their fans beebos. Ava on the other hand is a famous actress with an entourage; Nora her best friend, and stylist, Gary: Manager, and Mona her publicist.

“Rise and shine!” Gary screams from the downstairs, the two are the only one that took care of themselves that night. Everything was going normal until the group caught a glimpse of Ray and Nora locking lips. That’s sort of when all hell broke loose, Sara offered shots and Charlie offered drinking games.

“If he doesn't stop shouting. I will literally hung him by his leg out in the balcony.” Charlie groans placing a pillow on top of her face, Zari pulls her much closer trying to hide her face while also burying her neck in Charlies shoulder.

“C’mon love birds.” Sara throws a pillow at the cuddling two. As well as Ray and Nora locking lips, Zari and Charlie made a mistake locking lips right in front of Gary as well as Sara but Sara already knew.

After an 20 more minutes of Gary shouting and John singing they finally got everyone out of bed for some breakfast.

Soon after breakfast the crew heads for their hike, it was a rather quiet first hour. Sara and Ava are up front leading the way, talking about god knows what while the others are behind them scheming.

“Now that you two are settled, can we focus on those two.” Charlie points at the two blondes leading the way,

“Charlie, Ava needs time to heal”

“And Sara--” Nate sighs knowing how much mending a broken heart is hard, but having had a pile of broken hearts after the other tends to wound an individual.

“Need to heal as well,” Ray sighs

“Okay but you guys can’t tell me that last night they weren’t up on each other or vibing at all.” Mona coo’s looking ahead to see the two girls examining the trail

“So what they’re friends, what if they are—“ Nate is cut off by the conversation the two girls are having up ahead. Ava is currently holding the map far from Sara’s reach, she’s using her butt as a shield.

“Just let me see it for one second.” Ava argues

“Why Miss-Know-It-All,” Sara teases bumping into Ava catching her in surprise letting her guard down. “You didn’t” Ava scoffs, but Sara took that opportunity to take the map and run away from Ava.

“Are you kidding though.” Mona woo’s pointing at the two playing tag with one another

“Okay but they’ve been like that since the beginning of their friendship, they’re both extremely headstrong. Sara is extremely rebellious and from what I noticed Ava is a little controlling.” Nate explains following the two blonde girls still play fighting over the map

“What’s wrong with him?” Gary mumbles, John shrugs taking out a cigarette as they follow, everyone starts to do the same but Nora puts her hand out to stop everyone else from walking.

“Okay new plan, do we force them to be together, or do we let them heal properly and hope that they’ll get together?” Nora speaks up leaving Zari, Ray and Charlie stuck

“Well clearly forcing them together isn't working out,” Ray starts

“Exactly when we do that they seem to butt heads but—” Zari continues

“When we leave them alone they come together naturally—”Charlie adds

“Which leaves us with the question again, do we keep forcing them together? Or do we let them heal—”

“Hey guys! C’mon the lake is up ahead!” Sara shouts summoning the last four to catch up to them.

“Well Ava leaves in a month and you guys leave in 2. Which means everyone will be gone, and your tour is going to last what—?” Nora schemes as they slowly walk trying to create some space as they scheme

“7 month at the most.” Ray informs

“Which means we let fate decide?” Charlie questions

“That just may be our best bet.” Zari pulls Charlie to walk faster since everyone doesn't have a choice on what to do about the two.

1 Hour Later...

“Who knew Mona Wu could cook?” Nora jokes as everyone is enjoying their lunch with some coffee, and tea.

“Well if you guys actually came over for food every once in a while instead of going out to eat you’d actually see how I can cook.” Mona defenses rolling her eyes making everyone cackle. As they continue to eat Sara somehow sneaks away from the group, and of course Ava notices which means she follows.

Nobody else notice the two girls sneak away. As Ava gets closer to Sara she whispers “Hey! Where are you going?”

“Hey, stalker.” Sara chuckles continuing to her path, up a hill

“I’m not a stalker, you just left and what if you get stuck or lost or something?”

“Whatever floats your boat”

“So what are you doing exactly?”

“Wanted a better view, better views give me better ideas, lyrics, melodies—”

“You’ve got writers block?”

“Yup, and it’s killing me because it is literally the last song of the album and we’re suppose to record it when we get back into town Monday.”

“Oh well then I’ll leave you alone—” There’s a pause, a part of Ava that wants Sara to ask her to stay but she can understand why the girl might want her alone time

“No wait, can I bounce things off of you?” Ava smiles before turning back around to Sara

“I’ll do my best—What do you got?”

Sara takes her phone out and pulls up the instrument of her empty music. The two sit for 6 minutes just trying to get the feel of the music.

“First of all, I love the sound—do you have a concept?”

“I don’t know nothing is really connecting to me and the whole album is coming together but this song would take it to a whole ‘nother level”

“Alright let’s start with this what haven't you wrote about?”

“Seriously?”

“Seriously.”

“A break up, I refuse. I’ll write about everything else but I don’t know I always feared that I’ll cry during one of the shows and crying is—”

“Disgusting—”Ava jokes

“Exactly but if thats’ the next best thing I’ll take it. So breaks up...break ups”

“How did your break up with Alex go? I know this is personal and might be a little too weird to talk about but—”

“No it’s okay, it was in the end of March and my ex girlfriend Alex broke up with me. She said that she felt lonely every time we were together because I was so busy with everything going on with my life. And she wasnt wrong—”

“Alright what made this break up hard?”

“She found somebody else, this amazing detective named Maggie Sawyer—I guess it hurt a lot because we were friends for 8 years then we dated and I just kind of assume we’d get married and do the whole house and kids thing but to be replaced so quickly hurt.”

“Do you want her back?”

“No I dont want her back but I hate thinking about her with somebody else.”

“Okay so let’s write about that mindset, you dont want her but you hate seeing her with his Maggie person.”

“That’s not bad, Sharpe. Not bad at all.”

30 minutes later

“Let’s hear it, Lance.” Ava runs back to Sara from going to the lake to meditate to hear what she’s got so far.

“It’s rough but hear me out,

So I heard you found somebody else And at first I thought it was a lie I took all my things that make sounds The rest I can do without

I don't want your body But I hate to think about you with somebody else Our love has gone cold You're intertwining your soul with somebody else

“That’s so—What the actual fuck—keep going.”

“That’s all I’ve got so far, I was thinking of adding another chorus like

I'm looking through you while you're looking through your phone And then leaving with somebody else No, I don't want your body But I'm picturing your body with somebody else

“Yes that’s good. Next verse c’mon don’t slack now—”

“Feel free to shout some ideas—jeez this is hard.”

“Right sorry, okay same melody right?”

“Yup, all I’ve got for the second verse is

c’mon baby

this aint the last time—

That I’ve been amazed?”

“No that doesn't make sense, what about that I've seen your face then repeat c’mon baby almost like calling her out as well as calling out to her.”

Come on baby This ain't the last time that I'll see your face Come on baby

“I hate that I can be replaced?”

“You said you’d find someone to take my place?”

“We’re going to go with yours I dont want her to think this is about her in the slightest—then I have this crazy idea that I thought of as soon as you left ”

I just don't believe that you have got it in you 'cause We are just gonna keep 'doin' it' and everytime I start to believe in anything you're saying I'm reminded that I should be getting over it

“I love that its a shift but not too noticeable where it throws the person off”

“Thank you, then the chorus repeats—

I don't want your body But I hate to think about you with somebody else Our love has gone cold You're intertwining your soul with somebody elseI'm looking through you while you're looking through your phone And then leaving with somebody else No, I don't want your body But I'm picturing your body with somebody else

“Do you have any ideas for the bridge?”

“I want it to almost be chant like so that whoever is listening to this is getting a looking at themselves in the mirror and my friends said I need to get over the last bit of you and so here I am hyping myself up in this mirror type of feel.”

“Specific I’m all ears.”

“I want it to build up like this;

I don't want your body, I don't want your body I don't want your body, I don't want your body I don't want your body, I don't want your body

then how about, get someone you love? get someone you need?”

“Fuck that, get money!” Ava jokes but Sara disagrees.

“Genius—

Get someone you love? Get someone you need? Fuck that, get money”

“Damn I am a genius.” Ava nods

“Right, but it needs one more line before I go on a chanting spree—”

“Get someone you love? Get someone you need? Fuck that, get money. I can't give you my soul 'cause we're never alone”

“Where do you keep coming up with this?”

“Okay let’s hear it shall we?

Get someone you love? Get someone you need? Fuck that, get money I can't give you my soul 'cause we're never alone Get someone you love? Get someone you need? Fuck that, get money I can't give you my soul 'cause we're never alone Get someone you love? Get someone you need? Fuck that, get money I can't give you my soul 'cause we're never alone Get someone you love? Get someone you need? Fuck that, get money I can't give you my soul 'cause we're never alone”

“That was it! Yes then obviously repeat the chorus right?”

“Yes and thats the whole song. Thats the whole album WOOHOOO!!!” Sara shouts, pulling Ava into a very tight hug. Ava couldn't help but feel good and oddly giddy having Sara in her arms.

“Oi! Is everything okay?” Charlie waves at the two girls and the two pull away from one another

“I just finished the album you’ve got to hear it!” Sara kisses Ava’s cheek before running towards Charlie. Ava watches Sara making to Charlie, and she decides to sit down to think about what to do.

“What was that up there?”

“She helped finished the last song of the album which means I finished the album—”

“Sara—calm down, let us hear it then?”

Part 13/?

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 |

#avalance #zarlie #darhkatom #ava sharpe #sara lance #nora darhk #ray palmer #charlie jiwe #zari tomaz #nate heywood #mona wu #amaya jiwe #gary green #john constantine #legends of tomorrow #avalance social media au #legends of tomorrow social media au #social media au

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michelles-garden-of-evil · 4 years ago

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Episode 37 Review: The Message in the Sand

{ YouTube: 1 | 2 | 3 }

{ Synopses/Recaps: Debby Graham | Bryan Gruszka }

Last episode, Jean Paul Desmond’s attempt to contact his late wife Erica via séance came to a crashing halt (literally) when the chandelier hanging directly over the glass-top table fell, knocking medium and Conjure Woman Vangie Abbott into a zombie-like catatonic state. Although the séance ended before anyone could establish contact with Erica, the prisoners on Maljardin did receive a message from the beyond in Quito’s writing box. Unfortunately, the only one among them fluent in the ancient language is Vangie herself, who is unable to communicate due to the spell cast over her by THE DEVIL JACQUES ELOI DES MONDES. Raxl has some knowledge of the ancient language, but it is only enough to get the basic gist and not the whole message, which means that another mystery ferments the brew of darkness on the Island of Evil.

According to Raxl, the grains of rice warn of more accidents and spirits whom Jean Paul has angered, but that is not the entire message. Will she learn what the entire message says before Jacques causes even more disaster on Maljardin?

Jean Paul cannot believe, after all his playing God and tyrannical behavior on Maljardin, that the spirits could possibly be angry with him.

Don’t act so shocked, Jean Paul.

Like the last episode, this one picks up where the last left off--meaning, in this case, right after the cliffhanger ending with the writing box. This time, there is no mention of another impending accident, but instead of a much dire consequence of the next séance. “The ancient symbols, the ancient tongue of my people can be translated in many ways, but they all warn of death!” Raxl proclaims.

But Jean Paul doesn’t care. In front of almost the entire cast, he begins a soliloquy about he was so close to making contact with his dear, sweet Erica, and that matters to him far more than either Vangie’s life or his own. But then, along comes SCENE INTERRUPTING DAN, asking him again about the falling chandelier:

Colin Fox is way overacting in this scene, even by Strange Paradise standards. I don’t think I’ve ever seen even Cosette Lee or David Wells overact this hard.

He marches away to his bedroom and Raxl tells Quito that they need to keep the message intact so that Vangie can read it when she recovers from her trance. Once again, she has forgotten the name of the spirit who is meddling in the affairs on the island:

Jacques: *pouting* “Oh, Raxl, you forgot about me already? I thought for certain I was far more memorable than that.”

Meanwhile, Jean Paul clutches a bedpost in his fabulous bedroom and ponders who could have stopped him from making contact with Erica:

Really, Jean Paul? Dan says you have an IQ of 187. You should be able to figure this out.

While Dan recaps to Tim all about the chandelier and about all the suspicious things that happened on the island during the previous week and a half, the master of Maljardin enters his hidden monitor room through his bookcase and records a message to his dead wife:

Erica, you must be near tonight. For a fleeting moment, the séance seemed to have brought us together. When you are alive again and hear this, you will know that I have risked everything to bring you back from your long, lonely sleep. Oh, Erica, I knew the risk, but I must be stronger than that devil on Maljardin! I will win, because nothing must prevent you from joining me again in life! If I lose, I will join you in death, my Erica, and anyone who interferes with us being together again will die!

Yandere Jean Paul once again.

Just before this scene, we get a really good shot of the bookcase that disguises the entrance to Jean Paul’s monitor room. I have a weakness for both this bookcase and the ones in the drawing room at Desmond Hall, because the books on them look like the ones in the older sections of the stacks at the library where I work. How I wish I could read their spines and see what kinds of books he’s into!

This shot when he enters the hidden room makes him look tiny.

His recording to Erica is unusually long in this episode, probably to make up for the lack of tape recorder journal scenes in Week 7. While Tim (who seems to believe Dan’s theories) tells Holly that he believes that Jean Paul slashed Erica’s portrait, the recording continues:

No one will touch you, Erica, or the instruments of your preservation. No man living, no man dead. Oh, my Erica! I can say no more today; I’m tired, but no one must know this, only you because-

Taken out of context, the dialogue in this scene sounds rather rapey.

Usually, I think of Jacques’ attempts to take over Jean Paul’s body as fantasy metaphor murder. He wants to steal his body and his entire identity, becoming the new Jean Paul Desmond and leaving the old one’s soul either trapped in Hell or suspended in time as indicated in Episode 60. (That is, if we assume that they’re not different sides of the same man and Jacques isn’t just the evil side to his own personality.)

This time, however, all Jacques’ talk of wanting to “use” and “enter” Jean Paul’s body in that menacing yet smarmy tone make me think instead of fantasy metaphor rape. Vampirism may be the most popular fantasy metaphor for rape in fiction, but this scene with its sexual undertones presents demonic possession almost in the same light, at least in this scene. We already know that Jacques isn’t above sexual encounters with questionable consent and that he’s more than willing to seduce women while impersonating Jean Paul (which would equal rape by deception if it led to sex), so it really isn’t much of a stretch.

“Jacques Eloi des Mondes is coming aboard,” THE DEVIL JACQUES ELOI DES MONDES announces, and he takes over once again:

HEADACHE FACE!

Jacques grabbing Jean Paul’s face seems to be the show’s new way of indicating his possession.

Jacques after he has taken control. His hair even looks a little messy, too, like Jacques’’ in the flashbacks.

He catches a glimpse of Raxl and Quito in the crypt and decides to spy on them. Conveniently, they happen to be discussing the message in the writing box, which we now learn contains symbols meaning “conjure doll” and “silver pin.” She tells Quito that she can’t read the rest of the message, which directly contradicts what she said about it telling of accidents and death last episode and at the beginning of this one. Assuming that this is just a continuity error, we know the following about the message so far:

Another accident is going to take place.

The spirits on Maljardin are mad at Jean Paul. We don’t know which spirits, but I would hazard to guess Dr. Menkin, the Conjure Man, and Erica.

DEATH!

Something involving the conjure doll and the silver pin.

Raxl reading the message. It looks like a complicated script to read, even compared to the Aztecs’ pictographic writing system and the Incas’ quipu.

“Now I know your secret,” Jacques smirks, “so I can turn you off, Raxl--perhaps someday soon for good.” I’m confused: what secret of hers did he just learn? He already knows that she’s a voodoo priestess and that she’s been searching for the missing conjure doll and silver pin ever since he hid them back in Episode 2. It can’t be the Temple of the Serpent, either, because they go back upstairs instead of entering it at the end of the scene. So, by process of elimination, the answer can only be that he just learned that she can read the ancient language of her people! And, if Jacques doesn’t also know how (and he most likely doesn’t), then the Conjure Man can still communicate with her from beyond the grave!

Back in the Great Hall, Tim and Holly are chatting and he suggests that there might be a hidden tunnel somewhere on the island where they could escape. Just then, Jacques interrupts their conversation and leads Holly away for a private discussion--which turns out to not be so private, because it’s in the dining room, but that’s probably why Quito is standing off to the side of the doorway.

Sorry, Tim!

While they’re together for their little semi-private meeting, Jacques decides to promote underage drinking:

Jacques pouring out some wine for himself and Holly like the cool stepdad who lets you drink at 20.

I love the epithet “prince of the sea” for both Jean Paul and Jacques. It fits both of them so perfectly with their elegance and outwardly regal demeanors.

Quito blocks Tim from entering, but then leaves to visit Raxl again--and yet Tim does nothing while he’s gone? Seriously? Has even Ian Martin gotten bored with Boring Artist Tim now? Or did he just forget about him during his hasty rewriting spree?

Meanwhile, Jacques pressures Holly to reveal the subject matter of her and Tim’s conversation, and she reluctantly agrees after he starts carrying on about secret tunnels:

More confirmation that Jacques did not build Maljardin. (Remember the Raxl line from Episode 32 where she mentioned that kings inhabited the château before him?)

“I heard Matt Dawson speaking about secret places in the crypt,” she says. “I don’t know where or what; he wouldn’t say! He said it was a secret, that he had given his word.” This is a major change from Martin’s original plans for this episode, which we can see in its Lost Episode summary.

The summary indicates that originally, instead of asking Jacques about secret passages, Holly would have told Jean Paul about the Temple of the Serpent. The version of the summary published in the Cleveland Plain Dealer (October 31, 1969) indicates that “she does not know it is a Temple,” but she probably wouldn’t tell him about the room if she didn’t sense that it was important in some way.

Yet another version--this one from the Fitchburg Sentinel (November 4, 1969)--states that the Temple “could be used to destroy Jacques Eloi des Mondes,” which is fascinating. I won’t analyze this bit, though; Curt has already done a brilliant analysis of this summary and how it connects to one of Jacques’ lines from Episode 2, and it’s better and more in-depth than my analysis would have been. I highly recommend it, but beware of spoilers through the end of Maljardin if you’re worried about those.

He calls himself “Jean Paul Desmond” three times during this scene, as though he’s desperate to prove to her that he’s not Jacques Eloi des Mondes, but Jean Paul Desmond. It’s hilarious.

But back to the broadcasted version of the episode. Jacques is intrigued by what Holly says and tells her to search for the passage with him in the crypt. Once again, she agrees, being as captivated by Jean Paul Desmond as she is.

On their way down to the crypt, Jacques tells Dan that he can leave the island when he wants to, and Dan responds by threatening again to tell the cryocapsule. Needless to say, Jean Paul is going to reverse this when he finds out what Jacques said, thereby making him look even more insane than before.

When they arrive in the crypt, Jacques asks Holly where she thinks the secret room is, but she doesn’t know. Somehow neither she nor he has ever found the glaringly obvious door on the crypt wall. I have a headcanon that centuries have gone by without anyone discovering the not-so-hidden door on their own, simply because Raxl and Quito haven’t pointed it out to them. Somehow no one notices the doorway, and it stretches my willing suspension of disbelief farther than anything else on Maljardin.

Jacques tampering with the Conjure Man’s message.

But he drops the subject of the secret room as soon as he finds the writing box. He crosses his hands on top of it, lifts them, and poof! The message is rearranged. And then, through the power of Headache Faces™, Jean Paul regains control over his body:

This is his ugliest headache face so far.

Here, have a photo of Jacques smiling from earlier in the episode to wash out your eyes.

Jean Paul chases Holly out of the crypt and tells Quito that he must stay in the crypt and guard the capsule. He pronounces it the British way (”cap-syuel”) instead of how he normally says it (”cap-suhl”). Since normally only Alison and Vangie pronounce “capsule” that way, it appears that their pronunciation of the word is rubbing off on him. (It’s already rubbed off on me. I’m not kidding. The more time I spend re-watching this show instead of socializing, the more I start to talk like these characters--and I don’t even mind.)

Raxl and Quito--who came running back to the crypt when Jean Paul shouted at Holly--go to retrieve the writing box and bring it into the temple, which they decided not to do earlier when they really should have done so. But then she opens it and discovers that most of the message is gone!

Raxl: “There is only one message now: death!”

Coming up next: Alison discovers more clues to the mystery of Erica’s death.

{<- Previous: Episode 36 || Next: Episode 38 ->}

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brideofedoras · 5 years ago

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God Can’t Help You Now

A little one shot I wrote a while back based on an edited image created by cptn-jtk and the ideas people were reblogging.

My OC Eleanor happens to see a message sent to an ensign and confronts her brother.

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek or the characters, only my OC. GIF found on Google.

Warnings: mentions of naughty photos, some dirty words

Word Count: 1000+

Enjoy!

Eleanor’s eyes widened when she saw the message flash onto Ensign McAllister’s PADD. “Who sent that to you?”

The young man jerked and nearly dropped the device as he whipped around to stare at Elle. “The captain, ma’am.”

Elle reached out and took the PADD from him, shaking her head. The manipulated photo was of Leonard, taken on the bridge a few weeks back when the CMO had snarled at Jim’s enthusiasm for their five-year mission. A photo she had taken because the expression on his face was priceless.

How Jim had gotten ahold of it was beyond her.

God can’t help you now had been added to the image. The message accompanying the photo was short, to the point, and if she weren’t so upset with her brother for this little stunt she would have snorted.

“It has come to my attention that you have missed a medical evaluation with Dr. McCoy and/or his medical staff despite pre-programmed reminders on both your PADD and your communicator. Please report to the MedBay in a timely manner before our Chief Medical Officer sees fit to track you down. Thank you. –Captain James T. Kirk.”

She handed the PADD back to the ensign. “Thomas, would you mind forwarding that message to me?”

“Wh-why?” McAllister stuttered before flinching. “I’m not being insubordinate, I promise!”

She fought to not roll her eyes. The ensign was a complete idiot, and she wanted him out of her labs. “I know, Thomas,” she sighed. She stopped herself before she could reach up to pinch the bridge of her nose, something so Leonard-like it scared her. “How Captain Kirk got his hands on that photo, and why he decided to use a photo of Dr. McCoy is beyond me…” She looked up to meet the ensign’s scared brown eyes. “We’re two weeks into the mission, it’s been hectic getting the labs set up and ready for the first exploratory excursion. Our chief medical officer is more understanding than our captain claims.”

“Doctor Kirk…” McAllister started to say something but trailed off slowly. Then his eyes widened. “Are-are you related to the captain?”

This time she snorted. “Yeah,” she nodded. “Captain Kirk is my twin brother.” She pointed to the PADD. “I took that photograph of Dr. McCoy when we warped off at the beginning of the mission. He’s my boyfriend.” She smiled when the ensign let out a strangled I’m so fucked. “Forward that message to me, please.”

McAllister nearly dropped his PADD as he scrambled to do as he was told.

Once her PADD pinged with a notification she excused herself and headed to the Turbolift down the corridor. “Bridge,” she instructed the computer. Seconds later she requested permission to enter the bridge, her eyes locked on her brother.

“Permission granted,” he turned to smile at her.

Movement to his right drew her attention.

Elle froze. Fuck me, she internally cringed but managed a smile for Leonard. “Captain, may I request a moment with you? Alone?” Her smile turned apologetic for the doctor, who nodded. She flicked her eyes back to Jim just in time to catch him masking the slight panic in his eyes.

Jim nodded. “Mr. Sulu, you have the con,” he stated before motioning for his sister to head to the ready room.

Once inside with the door shut behind them, Eleanor pulled up the message on her PADD. She held it out to Jim. “How the hell did you get this picture?”

“I borrowed your PADD, remember?” He grinned. “Looked through the pictures and found this, thankfully before I found the vacation pictures you guys took. Really, Sis?”

Her eyes widened when she realized what he was talking about. “You went through my personal PADD?” She screeched. “You looked through my personal photos?”

“Never making that mistake again,” he groaned. “Seriously, Ellie? I’ve seen Bones naked more times than I care to remember, but my own sister?”

“What Leonard and I do in our private time is just that, Jimmy,” she growled at him. “It’s not like you haven’t done it yourself.” She leveled a look on him despite the hot blush consuming her. She couldn’t believe he’d looked through the risqué boudoir photos she and Leonard had done when they had gone to the mountains in Georgia for a romantic getaway before they had to report back to Starfleet. “Why the hell did you send out that photo to Ensign McAllister?”

“Bones was bitching about how several crew members missed their intake evaluations,” he sighed heavily. “Figured I’d have a little fun with sending out a warning.”

“Yeah, and McAllister damn near cried when he finally realized his supervisor is related to the ship’s captain. He damn near wet himself when I told him the chief medical officer is my boyfriend.” Elle huffed out a heavy sigh. “I need to talk with Spock about having him transferred to another department, he’s not cut out for my labs.”

Jim snorted. “He really nearly pissed himself?”

“Yeah, and you’re going to die once I show this to Leonard,” she held up her PADD.

“Oh, no you don’t,” he lunged forward but she sidestepped.

“What makes you think I’m going to let you get your hands on my PADD again, Jimmy? There’s more naughty pictures on here.”

He recoiled. “I don’t want to see any more photos of Bones with his hands covering your… your boobs,” he whined.

“His hands covered more than just my boobs,” she smiled before heading toward the door. Damn but she really missed that cabin in the mountains.

“NO!”

“Computer, please page Dr. McCoy to the ready room,” she called out.

The door slid open immediately. “What the hell is going on?” Leonard demanded as he strode into the room. “I heard screeching and yelling!”

“He went through the pictures a couple of weeks back,” she braced herself for Leonard’s reaction.

“That explains the damned death glares,” the doctor grumbled. “Is that why you dragged him in here?”

She shook her head. “No, but this is,” she held her PADD out to Leonard.

“Ellie, no!” Jim cried, but slumped when he realized he was well and truly fucked.

“What the hell is this?!?!?!” Leonard exploded, anger darkening his hazel eyes as he glared at the captain. “Dammit, Jim!”

“I thought it would be good motivation to get people to the MedBay!” The captain defended himself, warily eyeing the vein throbbing in Bones' temple. “I mean, it’s true!”

“For you, yes, for them?” Leonard snorted. “I can’t have the new crew thinking I’m a tyrant, Kid!”

“I could always leak some of those… photos,” Jim shuddered and shrank back when Leonard took a menacing step forward.

Elle bodily blocked Leonard. “You’ll do no such thing, Jimmy,” she warned her brother. “Because do you really want for everyone on this ship to see your baby sister naked?”

“No! Eww, God no!” He made a gagging sound and yelped when Leonard growled and tried to move around Eleanor.

“Oh, no, you don’t, Leonard,” she braced her hands on his chest and pushed him back. “Come with me.”

Surprisingly McCoy allowed her to push him toward the door. Once they stepped back onto the bridge she turned him toward the Turbolift.

“You just gonna let him insult you like that, Eleanor?” Leonard demanded once they were in the lift and on their way to the deck their quarters were located on.

“He wasn’t insulting me, Leonard, he was repulsed at the thought of me naked,” she touched her left hand to his chest. “And terrified at the thought of every crew member getting an eyeful. Or terrified at the thought of the murder spree you would go on if anyone else saw me naked.”

The growl that vibrated through his chest and reverberated through the Turbolift was primal. “Don’t want anyone else gettin’ the pleasure of seein’ what only I have the pleasure of seeing, Sugar,” he moved suddenly, pinning her to the back wall of the lift and kissing her soundly.

She gasped and pushed on his shoulders when he stooped to pick her up. “Oh, no, Leonard,” she whimpered when he nipped at her neck. “Cam-“ her protest was swallowed in another kiss before Leonard reluctantly set her back on her feet.

McCoy glared over his shoulder at the camera she tried to point out to him. “Damn nosy bastards.”

#star trek #leonard bones mccoy #james t kirk #captain shenanigans #angry bones #i love that grumpy chin

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bluephoenixdruidicprincess · 5 years ago

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So because I still follow a couple of people from the old SPN community I used to be a part of (that Destiel meta community, you know the one I'm sure), I'm finally starting to see the drama that's going on in that community now. And holy crapola! That community is practically imploding on itself. I'm so glad that I burned those bridges when I did, when I recognized those bloggers for the toxic, petty people that they are. When I started speaking my opinions on how I viewed that section of the meta community, some people didn't like that I did that and they went on this huge blocking spree. Blocking me and blocking anyone who liked my posts which I thought was kind of petty, afterall, I had never gone to them and attacked them or had been anything less than the pinnacle of politeness. All I did was post my honest opinions one time about how I felt and I thought I was very nice and polite about what I was trying to say, I've definitely seen people say worse to them. I definitely didn't think it was something that warranted their attention, after all, who am I to these people? They run blogs that probably have hundreds of followers and I'm running a blog that sits on a merry 200 followers (and it was even less than 200 at that point, we're talking like maybe 100 followers if even that). I'm a nobody to them, why on earth would they care about the things I have to say especially since I rarely ever engaged in conversation with them? It just seemed super petty and toxic to me and maybe passive bullying but then I thought about it some more and I thought I could chalk it up to maybe just them having a bad day, getting sick of fandom mildew and all that crap but ultimately, I was happy to see them go, I was happy I wouldn't have to see their posts on my dashboard that more often than not, typically made me angry. And with them out of my life is what paved the way for a much more happy and fulfilling fandom experience. Sometimes I was sad because they would occasionally write some meta I was interested in reading but whatever, I got over it and said what's done is done. But now that I'm starting to see what's happening with this community now, I'm realizing I absolutely made the right choice in saying what I did and reacting the way I did. I didn't try to fix things with these people as I usually have a tendency to do (I don't like having people angry with me so I typically do try and mend fences when fences are broken). My gut feeling was that these are people I shouldn't associate with and I'm so glad I went with that guy feeling. I'm so glad that something in me saw these people for the toxic, petty bullies that they are and I jumped ship when I did.

And all this happening over a dumb Warner Bros tv show that has always had uneven writing. I get people are passionate in fandom, as am I, but come on, really, is this show worth all this drama and in-fighting, and bullying? Is the ship worth all of this?

#mildew #mildew for ts

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littlemisssquiggles · 6 years ago

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Hello, Miss Squiggles. I just wanted to say that I've really enjoyed your RWBY Squiggle Scripts. You mentioned that you were planning to do two scripts of what happened after the team's departure, right? If so, then I might have an idea on how Ruby would confront Oscar after his out burst. Oscar could plan on leaving Atlas to find out how to stop Salem all on his own, but Ruby does whatever she could to stop him. It a little similar to Axel's confrontation with Xion when she tried to leave XIII.

HelloBlack.Correction fam,I was planning on doing two scripts as a continuation tothis script righthere based on a prompt by @miggy97

Andat the time, I was excited to write this idea, so much so that I had planned onexpanding on it for two more parts. However, that changed once I got wind ofsome negativity involving my script over on RWBY Reddit and I readthe comments on there. They weren’t nice.

Iwas really proud of Script #012 becauseit was my first time writing a script that featured the full JNR_QROWMBY. Itwas a challenge but I was pleased that I got it done. And even more pleasedwhen I saw how much folks liked it here on Tumblr. Thank you so much to theTumblr RWBY fans who liked that script. Your comments were really nice andhelped inspired this second part. However I’d be lying if I said the negativitymy last script received over on Reddit didn’t kill my enthusiasm to continueworking on the scripts I promised. I struggled to finish this second scriptbecause I was concerned by how folks would take it. I went back and forth onideas and dialogue. I panicked over certain lines because I was nervous aboutit being ‘toooverdramatic’ or whatnot. I’ve saidbefore that I create these squiggle scripts for fun. This kind of feeling isnot fun.

Allthat culminated in a script concept that I no longer have the drive to finish. Becauseof this, I decided to scrap the third script all together. But I’m going to atleast share what I had for the second part since you brought it up Black. Thisdoesn’t mean I won’t write other RWBY Squiggle Scripts. I will if I feel up toit. It’s just unfortunate that I don’t feel like working on this particularscript idea anymore so sorry if that disappoints anyone or you Black.

I’mgoing to use this script to answer your question since ironically you and Iwere almost on the same page on how I went about this second script. Almost.

RWBY SquiggleScript #017: As You Go

“…The worldI know can hate you,The world Iknow can break you,But as you go, remember I’m by your side

The lovewithin you can heal these tears that burn,And throughit all remember, I’m by your sideAs you go…”

Picture it. Ruby has had a long day. She just spent the past couple of hours concerned forher friends. For the second time since Argus, the team had fallen apart and fora second time, Ruby was at a loss on what to do. Despite Nora and Yang’smessages assuring her that things were fine, at least on their side with Jauneand Weiss, Ruby dreamed her ventures was just as successful.

Ruby must’ve walked the whole block of Atlassearching for Oscar. He was nowhere to be found. Though she revisited everyplace in Atlas she and her comrades had toured during their stay within thekingdom, asked everyone she thought might know his whereabouts, she couldn’tfind him and for a second time since Argus, Ruby panicked for him.

She didn’t want to lose Oscar. Not again. Notever. She hardly doubt that he left to go shopping this time. No shopping spreein Atlas was going to dispel the terse overwrought note Oscar left the groupon. She had never seen the former farm boy so mad before; not even back at thedojo in Mistral.

This revelation only served to worsen Ruby’sanxiety at finding her friend. So you could imagine her honest surprise whenshe went up to the rooftop of the resident apartment the heroes were stationedtemporarily only to find Oscar up there too.

Ruby had only gone up there as a means ofclearing her head before returning to her search. Who would have thought thiswas where she would discover her missing friend. There was Oscar. His smallboyish form leant against the metal railing, separating him from the edge ofthe building. Hazel eyes, plagued with melancholy, gazed longingly into thedistance as the cold evening air caressed his dark brown hair which appeared fluffier than usual.Probably due to the amount of times Oscar ran his fingers through them insilent frustration as he did right before Ruby’s eyes.

Though Ruby’s face melted in unadulterated relief at the sight ofher friend, Oscar’s greeting towards her didn’t mimic the same compassion.Anger and annoyance, retained from that afternoon’s earlier events stillreflected heavily on his face and lingered in his voice as he sharply turnedtoward Ruby and met her gaze with a scowl.

Oscar: *snappily*If you’ve come up here to try and convince me to forgive your sister,save your breathe.

Ruby: *a mixture of relief and surprise* You’re… here?

Oscar: *passively*You sound surprised. Did I disappoint you?

Ruby: No, of course not!I’m just—I’m just really relieved thatyou’re still here.

Oscar scoffs at this; returning his gaze to theview of Atlas.

Oscar: *passively* Yeah well…don’t get used to it. Tomorrow I’m going to talk to GeneralIronwood. Ask if he’d be okay with probably arranging an airship to take mehome.

Ruby: *incredulously* Ta—Take you…home? Back to Mistral! Why—Why would you dothat?

Oscar: *passively*Well it is where I’m from, right?

He trains his gaze back on Ruby who is still tryingto process the absurdity of his last answer. Her reaction only makes Oscar sneerfurther.

Oscar: You know I had somany chances to leave. I could’ve walked away after the first time Ozpinhijacked my body to fight off Hazel. I could’ve walked away after Ozpin left.No matter where I turn, it just feels like fate keeps telling me that Ishouldn’t be here. That I should’ve never left the farm. I left my family for this! My whole life—my home and for what? To be threatened, blamed for mistakes I nevermade, nearly eaten alive by Grimm on multiple occasions, punched in the face, slammed against the wall, yelled at and of course,let’s not forget the biggest kicker, lied to. Deceived by people who made me believe I was fighting for the rightreasons.

Ruby: But…you are.Oscar, you left home because you wanted to be more than just a farmhand. Youwanted to do more. Be more. Do what you canto help protect humanity and save the world. Do what you can to help the teambecause you’re kind and brave.

Ruby tries toreach for Oscar’s hand but for a second time, he wrenches it out of her reachas he pushes past her roughly.

Oscar: *crossly*Why bother fighting withpeople who don’t care about me?

Ruby: That’s not true.I—we care about youOscar.

Oscar: No you only care about half of me. Because I’m the half that never lied to you, right? At least, notyet.

Ruby: …You don’t mean that.

Oscar: *crossly* Yes Ido!

Ruby: …Oscar…you can’t go. You can’t just…leave!

Oscar: I’m sorry Ms. Rose but that’s not your decision to make.

Ruby: *taken aback*… Ms. Rose?

Oscar: *impassively* Yeah. Why bother with familiarities anymore, right?

Ruby: *imploringly* Oscar…please canwe just…talk. Talk to me.

Oscar: *exploding* There is nothing for us totalk about! I meant what I said when I said I was done! I’m officially done! Ican’t take any more of this! I don’t want to be here! I want to be home with myfamily. My family who loves me and who I can trust. Who would never lie to meever.

Ruby: …Oscar—

Oscar: That’s why I’m up here. To get one last look atthe city. You only get to see Atlas once so might as well soak up as much ofthe view as I can before I—

Ruby: *sharply* NO!

Oscar: What?

Ruby: You’re NOT leaving! You can’t leave!

The coldness inhis eyes was what broke Ruby’s heart the most.

Oscar: *sternly* Like I said, that’s not your decision to make.

Now it was Ruby’s turn to get agitated.

Ruby: Oscar…we have come so far. We’re finally inAtlas. We’re finally safe in Atlas.The Relics are safe. We’re safe. You’re safe. If you go back to Mistral now, whatdo you think is going to happen? You think things are going to be the same? Youthink you could just waltz right back home and return to your normal old farmboy life just like that? As if the last few months never happened?

Oscar: *nonchalantly* Andwhat’s so wrong about that? Forgetting everything.

Ruby: *testily; voice rising* Because you can’t! Salem’s forces know who you are. Chancesare Hazel, Emerald and Mercury already returned to Salem and told her thatyou’re Ozpin. What if she sends someone to attack you? What if she sends theGrimm to attack you? To kidnap you?

Ruby closes her eyes as memories of the longjourney to Mistral resurfaced and flooded her vision; rewriting her face withnothing but guilt.

Ruby: *regrettably* …I almost got Jaune, Nora and Ren killed becauseSalem made me her target after what I did to Cinder. Uncle Qrowalmost died protecting me because Salem sent one of her goonsafter me. If you go home now, what would you do if she came after you forOzpin?

Oscar: *tensing up* …Stop.

Ruby: *pressing* Whatwould you do if she went after your family? Ozpin is gone andyou’re still barely a huntsman! You can’t even handle one Grimm on yourown; how would you defend yourself against Salem!

Oscar: *voice rising*…I said stop!

Ruby: *shouting* Howwould you feel if your aunt got hurt trying to protect you or worse, killedbecause of you!

Oscar: *shouting* Stopit!

That did it. Oscar glared; face red in anger. Hisfrustration and annoyance was only rivalled by Ruby’s who stood her ground withher arms crossed.

Ruby: No! You need to hearthis!

Oscar: No I don’t! Why don’t you go lecture your liar of a sister! Save your precious words of wisdom forher!

Ruby: This isn’t about Yang. This is about you.You’re being unreasonable!

Oscar: I am being reasonable! Going back home is the mostreasonable thing I’ve thought of in months. I should’ve done that a long timeago. At least then I could spent whatever time I have left with someone who reallycares about me. At least then I wouldn’t have to listen to you prattle on likeyou understand how I feel! You don’t!

Ruby: *taken aback*…I…I couldn’t understand how youfeel?

Oscar: No you don’t and stop pretending like you do! Howcould you possibly understand how I feel. Any of it? Do you have two souls? Doyou have lifetimes of mistakes to fix and duties to uphold?

No you don’t! That’s all me! Me alone!

Ruby: …Oscar I——

Oscar: You’re constantly surrounded by your friends andyour family. You have your sister, your uncle, your teammates, your friends.You even have Maria—a seasoned mentor who can teach you everything aboutbecoming a Silver Eyed Warrior and provide you with all the answers you need.

But me, what do I have, huh? I have no team.No family here. Sure, Maria might like me but I can’t ask heranything about who or what I’m going tobecome. My mentor—the one who’s supposed to give me all the answers is gone!

Oscar’s fist clenched and it is at this moment hiseyes met Ruby’s, revealing the puddle of tears that had been welding in hiseyes the moment his anger dropped and his true fears started to surface. It ishere where Ruby saw Oscar’s sadness. His pain and it hurt.

Oscar: I don’t want to hurt my aunt. I don’t want herkilled because of me. That’s the last thing I want. But I don’t want to be hereeither. At least at home, I don’t have to be this alone anymore. I don’t wantto feel alone anymore. So if I want to go then please let me go. At least homewill be better than staying here feeling like this!

I’m not even sure I have any real friends. You might say youlike me now but is this really friendship or is it just tolerance? I have no bonds withanyone. I have no one.

And when I change, how much will you tolerate me then, huh? I am alone,Ruby.

*voice cracking* I am…alone in all of this.

Ruby: …Oscar, listen to me. I’m…

Rubystops when she noticed something off about Oscar.He was no longer making eye contact with her. Instead he just stood with hishand on his chest, face scrunched up as he breathed heavily. A little too heavily.

Ruby: Oscar?

Noresponse. Only heavier breathing. Immediately Ruby inched closer to Oscar. Heseemed a bit unsettled from Ruby’s point of view.

Ruby: *concernedly* Oscar?

OnOscar’s end, things were disorienting. Oddly enough it wasn’t an unexperiencedfeeling. Oscar has felt anxious before. Onthe contrary often times he would praise himself with how well he was able tohold himself together even in the most hair-raising ofmoments.

But thisfeeling. This particular feeling was a darkness he hadn’t felt in along time. But now, as his heart thundered in his chest and the world aroundhim spiralled downward as if the very ground underneath him would open up andswallow him whole, he could feel this familiar darkness slinking its darktendrils up his body dragging him underneath its depths. It was suffocating.Suddenly he forgot how to breathe and then…he couldn’t.

Ruby: Oscar, tell me what’s wrong.

Oscar: *hyperventilating*…Crap! I…I think …

Oscarinhales sharply.

Oscar: *breathlessly* I’m having…a panicattack…

Oscarstaggered a bit and instinctively, Ruby placed her hand on his shoulder tosteady him.

Ruby: *nervous but trying to remain calm* Easythere. Okay. S–Sit down? Do you want to sit down or…Oscar doesn’t answer. This time his heavy breathing didn’t permit him to speakso the most he could muster was a frantic nod. Gently, Ruby helped Oscar to sitdown on the ground before seating herself right next to him, eyeing himclosely.

You would thinkthat being an experienced huntress who faced more than her fair share ofchallenges; Ruby would be better equipped to handle any scenario thrown at her.

Unfortunately the does and don’ts of what to do when someone is having a panicattack in front of you was not a lesson Ruby recalled being taught duringBeacon’s curriculum.

She felt out of her element, unsure of what would be thebest course of action to take next. All she knew was that she had to dosomething for Oscar’s sake. Next to her, Oscar’s breathing hastened; both ofhis hands resting firmly in front of him as he tried his best to catch hisbreath but to no avail.

Ruby: What….What do you need? What can I do to help? Anything.

With a trembling hand, Oscar taps his back.

Ruby: …Your back? You…want me to rub your back?

Oscar nods affirmatively and Ruby complies as shegently starts rubbing Oscar’s back. Back on Oscar’s end, the storm inside hismind kept raging on. But rather than allow it to further consume him, insteadhe did his best to concentrate his focus on the movement of Ruby’s hand as shedrew circles on his back.

With each motion she made, Oscar attempted to matchhis breathing to the pattern. Eventually it started to work a little and hisbreathing eased to even pants.

Ruby: *hesitantly* Do you…wantme to call someone? Maria? Qrow? Jaune? Weiss? Nora? Ya—I can go call someonefor help.

Oscar shakes his head.

Oscar: *through faint breathes* Don’t leave!

Oscar looks Ruby dead in the face.

Oscar: *gasping*…Please…don’t leave!

Ruby gazed into Oscar’s eyes deeply before herexpression hardened with a look, determined but soft at the same time.

Ruby: Okay I won’t. I won’tleave your side, I promise.

To prove her point, Ruby rested her free hand on topof Oscar’s, rubbing her thumb against his knuckles soothingly.

Ruby: *kindly* Take allthe time you need. I’ll stay with you till you catch your breath. Everything isgoing to be okay, Oscar. I’m here for you.

Ruby then beams, bright and beautiful. Between her comfortinghands and her radiant smile, Oscar felt his once frantic heart finally put atease; like sunshine peeking through the heavens after a tempest.

Though hestill needed time to regain his composure against the tides, if there was onething Oscar was certain of, it was that the storm was beginning to billow over withour freckled farm boy finally resurfacing from the darkness he’d once fellunder and into the caress of the ruby sunset awaiting him on the other side.

15 minutes. Thatwas how long it took for everything to settle back to normal. Ruby glanced overat Oscar. Though his initial panic had subsided, he hadn’t uttered another wordto her since it passed. In spite of this, Ruby sat patiently next to him, one handstand still rubbing his back while the other held his, every once in a while givingit a small assuring squeeze. Eventually Oscar finally regains his composureenough to speak. With one heavy sigh, he looks up at Ruby, expression solemn.

Oscar: Hey.

Ruby: Hey.*comfortingly* How are you feeling?

Oscar: Better but…embarrassed. *shakes head miserably* I’m sorry about before.

Ruby: Don’t be. You don’t have to apologize for that.I’m just happy you’re ok.

Oscar: *sadly* … But I’m not.

Ruby frowns.

Ruby: Was… that your first time having a panic attack?

Oscar: …No. I…

Oscar pauses momentarily to close his eyes,frowning as the memories of an unknown part of his childhood flooded his mind.A vision of a bloodied figure. A child—a young boy hunchedover bawling his eyes out; his screams as thunderous as the lighting thatroared through the stormy skies outside a broken door. And eyes— red and burning like embers that loomed in the background slowlyeclipsing said child—drowning him in a sea of black until his screams werenothing but a pained whimper. Eventually Oscar brushes these thoughts away withhitched breath.

Oscar: *solemnly* I…used to have them. After…

Oscar paused again. The memories attempting tosnake their way back into his thoughts but, again he rejects them firmly.

Oscar: …I just used to have them. Haven’t had one in ayear.

Oscar makes a face; an expression full of deep regretthat makes Ruby’s heart sink.

Oscar: *awkwardly*… I’m sorry.

Ruby: *reassuringly* No—it’s okay.

Ruby takes both of Oscar’s hands in consolation.

Ruby:Everything’s fine, Oscar.

Rubyflashes Oscar her warmest, more encouraging smile in hopes of gettingone in return. But much to Ruby’s disappointment, Oscar shakes his head glumly.

Oscar: *sadly* NoRuby, stop. Stop saying everything is fine. It’s not! We just spent the last fewminutes screaming at each other. You just saw me have a panic attack right in front of you. This isn’t fine! So… can you pleasejust…stop saying it’s fine.

Ruby opens hermouth to retort but her answer gets caught in her throat at the depressed lookon Oscar’s face. Instead she sighs, patting Oscar’s hand.

Ruby:*honestly*…Okay. It’s…not fine.Everything’s…a mess, isn’t it?

Oscar: *solemnly*…Yeah.

Silence fallsbetween them and another few beats pass before Oscar speaks again.

Oscar: … I’msorry I lashed out at you earlier. Those things I said, I—that’s wasn’t…me.

Ruby: Oscarit’s….*pauses torethink her response* …Me too. I’m sorry too.

Oscarsighs.

Ruby: *cautiously* Areyou… really thinking of leaving? Going back to Mistral?

Oscar: I—

Oscar runs his fingers through his hair with a longsigh of exasperation.

Oscar:…No. I just… wanted to be mad.

Ruby: What?

Oscar: *frustrated* I just wanted to be mad,okay. I wanted to be mad and allowed to be madabout everything for once!

Ruby: *cautious but supportive* Oscar… you’re allowedto be upset. You can be mad. You can be mad all you want. Youcan scream. You can yell. You can cry. As much as you want. As much as you need.

Ruby gently cups Oscar’s face, making sure that shewas looking directly into his eyes to prove that she meant her next words.

Ruby: You don’t need anyone’s permission to be yourself. Not mine, not Ozpin’s,not Ironwood’s, not anyone. You don’thave to be anyone else but you.

Oscar: You’re…your ownperson.

Ruby: Hmm?

Oscar: That’s what you saidto me that time. Back when Ozpin first left. You told me that I’m still my ownperson.

Ruby: *gently strokesOscar’s cheeks reassuringly* Becauseyou are.

Oscar: *gloomily*Am Ithough? Am I really?Because it hasn’t felt like that at all in… months.

Oscargets up and walks away from Ruby. He returned to the railing overlooking theAtlesian cityscape, wind blowing through his hair. Ruby got up too, watchingOscar’s back from a distance. She wanted to move closer but opted for standing ata respectable foot away from Oscar.

Oscar: *solemnly*…Suddenly I feel like my emotions aren’tmy own anymore. That I have to constantly put someone else’s feelings above myown and think like them. All the time. Like I’m supposed to act like someoneelse. Walk like someone else. Talk like someone else. Fight like someone else.Accept the responsibilities, memories and mistakes of someone else. Keepsecrets like someone else. React to problems like someone else. Behave entirelylike someone else and completely forget what’s it like to be… me.Because…how long am I going to be me? How do I know I’m not going to wake uptomorrow and just…be someone else I don’t even recognize? Will I even be able totell the difference? Will I remember…at all? Who I am? Who I was? I…

Ruby: *concerned but cautious* Oscar…

Rubystruggles to find the right question.

Ruby: …Oscar, are you okay? Really okay?With everything?

Finally,Oscar turns around to meet Ruby’s gaze again, face full of tears.

Oscar: *voice breaking* I… don’t know anymore. Idon’t know anything anymore. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do anymore. AllI know now is that… I’m scared. And angry and frustrated and confused! But worse of all, I feel…alone. I’m…alone.

Oscarlooks down at his hands which were shaking.

Oscar: Jinn said the God ofLight created the reincarnation cycle so that Ozma would never have to bealone. Never have to fight alone. Never have to feel like he had the weight ofthe world only on his shoulders because he shared the responsibility withoutsomeone else. A likeminded soul, he said. So then why do I feel like this? We’re supposed to be two minds. We’re supposed to do this together.How did I end up being the only one trying to fix all of his problems bymyself? How did I end up having to mend his broken bonds by myself? I’m just a kid! I never wanted any of this. I never asked for any ofthis. It’s not fair!

Ruby: Oscar…

Oscar: *voice cracking; tears of frustrationsoaking his cheeks* Ifthis cycle is meant for us never having to gothrough anything alone then how did I still end up alone? Ozpin is gone and Idon’t know if he’ll ever come back again. And even if he does, what would itmatter? No one trusts him! No one wants him here. Everyone turned their backson him and I can’t fix that. Nothing I do can fix that!

Ruby: Oscar…

Oscar: … And when I change,everyone’s going to turn their backs on me too! *gaze turns to Ruby’s slowly* Even you.

FinallyRuby speaks up.

Ruby: Oscar, that’s not true.You have me.I’m on your side.

In an instant, Ruby was before Oscar, takinghis hands again with a smile.

Ruby: I’m here for you.

Oscar: *shakes head roughly* Yeah but…why? Youknow I don’t get you at all. Why do you care so much about me? I’ve been tryingto wrap my mind around why you care somuch. At first I thought maybe it’s because of Ozpin. Then after Ozpin left, Ifigured it’s because you pitied me. You barely know anything about me so…that’swhat it is, right? It’s pity.

Ruby: … It’s not pity, Ijust….

Rubytakes a step back and looks Oscar dead in the face.

Ruby: …You’re right. We’vebeen together for only a few months and there’s still a lot about you I don’tknow and fully understand. But the thing is that I want toknow. I care about you Oscar because I consider you a friend. Someone I woulddo anything for and anything to protect. That’s who you are to me.

Backin Mistral, when we met it didn’t matter to me that you and Ozpin shared a body. I mean I was definitely surprised—it’s not every day youmeet someone with two souls with one of them being the former headmaster ofyour old school. But that’s not what made me seek you out. It never was.

When I look at you, I don’t see Ozpin. I see theface of a boy who was…thrust into a battle he wasn’t prepared for at first,overwhelmed by a new sense of purpose he’s been saddled with. I recognize that face. I know that faceall too well because… it’s same face I wore when I started Beacon. You are nothing like Ozpin.You’re like me!

Oscar: *stunned expression* Like…you?

Ruby: *nodding*You’re just a 14 year old farmhand from Anima. Well, I was just a15-year-old girl from Patch, barely out of combat school. One minute I’mstanding inside a dust shop reading comic books and the next thing I know I’mfighting armed henchmen robbing the dust shop. Even chased their boss up to therooftop trying to stop him from making his getaway.

Oscar: …Wasn’t that a bit…reckless?

Ruby:*sarcastically* Have you met me? *chuckling*You’re right, it was reckless. That was the night I met Professor Ozpin for thefirst time and he invited to attend Beacon. As a girl who’s dreamed aboutbecoming a huntress, I was beyond excited but…on the inside, I was also really,really scared. I was the youngest student back at Beacon. Everyone there wereeither better than me or had more experience and yet there I wastrying to fit in. To prove myself. To prove to everyone that doubted me that Ideserved to be there even though I was just a child. It wasn’t easy but… I gotthrough it because I wasn’t alone.

I would have never gotten to where I am now if Ididn’t have the support of my family and friends. Back at combat school, UncleQrow took me under his wing and taught me everything I know about being ascythe wielder. And Yang helped me to socialize and that helped me to makefriends with everyone. It’s actually kind of funny now when I look back. Tothink, I used to think I didn’t need to make friends.

Oscar: *in disbelief* Really?You?

Ruby: *chuckling softly* Hard to believe right? Itwasn’t an easy change but it was a welcomed one in the right direction. Achange for the better which is why I know it’s going to be okay for you too.

Oscar: …But this is different.*sulks,disappointedly* Change for me means…loss.

Ruby: How do you know that?

Oscar: What?

Ruby: What if you’re wrongabout the Merge? How do you know you’re not going to be just fine? Jinn saidOzma learned the importance of living with the souls he was paired withand…Ozpin did say he’s the one that’s going to change but his memories staybehind.

Oscar: *skeptically*How do I know that’s not another thing he lied to me about?

Ruby: How do you know it wasn’t one of the times he wasactually telling the whole truth?

Oscar: I….

Oscar trails off, head dropping.

Oscar: …I…really don’t knowanymore.

This prompts Ruby to rest her hands on Oscar’sshoulders, urging him to look at her.

Ruby: Listen, I may not be able to tell you the kind ofperson you’re going become after the Merge. I…can’t give you those answers nomatter how much I wish I could.

Oscar: *guiltily* …Ruby…

Ruby: But…*determinedly* What I can dois give you someone you can always count on. WhatI can promise you is someone who would never turnher back on you. I may not have two souls but… when I look at you; Isee a lot of myself. You and I are nothing like anyone else. We both understandwhat it’s like to be young and inexperienced but still carry a huge badge ofresponsibility on our chests. We’re the only ones who can do the things we cando and be the people we’re expected to be. And we both share a power that wasgranted to us by the God of Light. It’s what connects usand because of that, I’ll stand by you no matter what.

Oscar: But… if I change—

Ruby: *firmly* If you changethen I’d still stand by your side. Even if you don’t remember theOscar you used to be, I won’t forget him and you can bet your butt that I won’tlet you forget him either. I’ll be right there to remind you of the amazingperson you used to be and help you to become the amazing person you’re going tobe. Because RubyRose is a friend toOscar Pine and she will continue to be his friend for all ofhis lifetimes.

Oscar’s eyes widened.

Oscar: ….You…really mean that?

Rubylifts Oscar’s chin, flashing him a big smile.

Ruby: *confidently*I promise you that.

Oscar: *laughingly*You’re…not giving me much of choice now, aren’t you?

Ruby: *cheekily*Nope. Afraid you’re stuck with me, farm boy.

This earns Ruby a genuine laugh from Oscar and itwarmed her heart to see him smiling again.

Oscar: So…what are wesupposed to be exactly? What do you call a pair with a girl who can vaporizemonsters with the blink of an eye and a guy who’s both fourteen and over athousand years old?

Ruby taps her finger in thought.

Ruby: *wisely* We’re … justtwo small,honest souls. We may be just kids but we’re also so much more. We’rehuntsmen.Symbols of hope and protectors of humanity. But more than that, we’re our own people who forge our own paths together.

I may be a Silver Eyed Warrior but I’m nothing likethe ones before me. They all lived their lives doing what they can to protectothers but they also lived by their own rules. I am me and I’m learning to dothis my own way even if I might not fully understand everything as yet. Just ashow you’re not Ozpin or Ozma or any of the others before you. You might gaintheir memories and have to shoulder their duties but even if you change, Idon’t think you’ll be anything like them. Never mind that you’re anotherlikeminded soul in a whole line of likeminded souls. You are Oscar Pine. And that’sperfectly okay because from what I know, Oscar Pine is pretty darn great.

Oscar smiles; chuckling slightly.

Oscar: *coyly*…Ruby Rose is pretty darn great too.

Ruby returns the smile, bright and pretty.

Oscar: *skeptically* …Hey Ruby…about Yang, I don’t know if I’m readyto—

Ruby: I know. And it’s okay. This…wasn’t about that anyways. And that doesn’t affect this. I meant what I said when I said I’m herefor you. Us honestsouls got to stick together, right?

Rubyextends her hand for a handshake. Oscar grins and accepts it, looking genuinelytouched by Ruby’s support. However that expression didn’t last long as his facebecame blue again. Ruby stiffened. She could feel Oscar’s hands tremblingbetween her finger tips and at first, she figured he was going to have another meltdownin front of her. But instead Oscar does something he’s never done before. Hecloses the gap between him and Ruby, suddenly pulling her forward as he wrappedhis arms around her neck; embracing her tightly.

Thisgesture honestly surprised Ruby and for a beat she just stood there awkwardlystaring at the top of Oscar’s head. She could feel him burying his nose into hershoulder, his hair tickling her neck. This was surely a first. Not to say that Oscarwasn’t an affectionate person; it’s just that in Ruby’s experience with him, itwas unlike the farm boy to actually initiate physicalcontact between them. Usually that’s her department.

Oscar: *through tears* …What did I do to deserve a friend like you?

Ruby’s initial shock melts into warmth. A smile tugsat her lips as she returns the hug to Oscar’s sobbing form; her cheeks touchinghis hair as she stroked his head soothingly.

Ruby: By just being you.

And scene.That’s it. That’s all folks. That’s all I got. (ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻

This is pretty much all I got for this script. LikeI said, I was originally going to include a third installement to thisfeaturing Oscar reconcilingwith Yang. But not gonna go there, guys. Sorry. Will need somedowntime to recharge because I really wish to keep the spontaneous nature ofthis scripts and this one took me too freaking long. And even now that it’scomplete, I dunno what to make of it.

There are elements in there that fit into a favouriteRosegardeningRosebuds headcanon of mine whereOscar suffers a meltdown from all the pressure he’s feeling and Ruby is thereto reassure him that she’s got his back always; making a promise tohim that no matter what happens, she will be there for Oscar. She is in hiscourt.

This is something that I was hoping the main serieswould have touched on in V6, especially since it teased the divide among theheroes and the tension with Ozpin. I was hoping for some scene where Ruby andOscar just talk things out and Ruby makes a solemn vow to be the closeconfidant that Oscar needs. That…didn’t really happened…well kinda-ish.

But not in the immense detail as this. I’m not sureif we’ll see something to this level done in the canon. Definitely not to thislevel of two people talking this much on screen.

But at least it fits into things I would like tosee explored for Oscar’s character and his friendship with Ruby. Not sure whatto make of this script. I’m just glad that it’s finally done and the verdict asalways is up to the readers. Don’t chastise me too much guys.

~LittleMissSquiggles (2019)

#blackhakumen #squiggles scripts: rwby #oscar pine #ruby rose #oscar and ruby #rwby rosegarden #rwby rosebuds #rwby theories

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flyingcatstiel · 6 years ago

Text

@robotsnchicks responded to me on this post. I’m making a new post since talking in notes is very limiting. ;)

... I've realized from reading various responses to this that part of this is simply that my fandom experience is mostly in other fandoms and I am realizing that the spn fandom is quite different in some ways. I was surprised by the way challenges seem to be viewed as belonging to the mods and understanding that viewpoint goes a long way to me understanding the situation here. My fandom experience had been challenges that were seen more as belonging to the community with mods that changed but challenges that didn't, so part of my frustration was just coming from a place of not understanding this community I think. I do agree that our fandom is splintering and regret any part I had in pushing that along

You know, I think that the closest thing we’ve to community challenge is DCBB which was created by destiel writers who were frustrated with SPNJ2 Big Bang. That was a community effort. And for a longest time DCBB was the main challenge for destiel writers, plus SPNJ2 BB and SPN Reverse Bang. I know there have been things like DC Happy Endings, DC Ever After, some other destiel themed challenges but they never moved past second year. Like, there’s been a lot of challenges that went on for a year or two. I don’t know if we can say that they belonged to community tho because they all faded out. Which means that when mods left, the challenge didn’t survive. I don’t want to say that challenges belong to mods, but they really, really depend on mods. See how Harlequin challenge is being brought back now because some people wanted to do it, not because destiel community demanded it. I think Harlequin challenge exists in other fandoms as well? So, in that case we can talk how certain challenges are more a community thing since they are not tied to a certain fandom. Still, they happen only when and if there are people who want to do it. I agree that a lot of challenges survive because mods change, but, a lot of challenges also don’t survive. And if the challenge is poorly organised, participants suffer the most.

Tropefest is a bit different because it was one of the first tumblr based destiel challenges that were created by two well known fans, Jojodacrow and Museaway in 2016. IIRC, it was born out of frustration with the old, LJ based DCBB. I think the name was also their idea, there was no Tropefest in any other fandoms at that time? Unlike Big Bangs and Reverse Bangs that are main challenges in most fandoms. I’m wondering now how many angry folks now remember Jojo’s weekly Destiel roundup (2015-2016) that was specifically meant to promote recently posted fics, long and short, popular authors and newbies. Like, Jojo has gone above and beyond to promote new destiel authors. And then created a challenge geared towards more experienced authors. So yes, in this case we can say that this one, recent and small challenge belongs to them until they decide to invite new mods. Or not invite new mods. After all, there’s no riot in 2018 when they skipped doing it while fandom was having a gamut of new challenges springing up like mushrooms after rain. I see people arguing about elitism and keeping out writers but, there’s 48 fics (17+31) in Tropefest 2016 & 2017 collections when folks applied without invitations. That’s hardly a major fandom challenge. I feel for people who were seriously planning to participate in Tropefest this year, but again. This is not the only challenge.

So, what shocked me about this backlash is that people really ignored the core problem, harassment, and completely missed the nuance - Tropefest is not the main fandom challenge, that’s DCBB. If the mods would have proposed these kind of changes to DCBB, we would be having completely different conversation. It is possible that this outburst has it’s roots in general frustration with feedback in fandom. There’s a lot of talks about how Likes, Reblogs, Kudos and Comments are down, how fanwork creators feel discouraged to create new stuff. So, I see how this frustration could aim out towards people who suddenly took away one opportunity at getting a promo. I see it, but that doesn't mean that this outburst was directed at the right target IMO. The problem is much bigger, and basically yea, destiel fandom is shrinking and splintering, fans read less fic, talk less about fic, fans move to other fandoms. Fans went on blocking spree and now, even if they do promote something, half of the time people can’t reblog it. I think it is pretty telling that a year after DFF became archive, there’s still no other big, reader oriented fic rec blog. We can talk all we want about how things will always happen in fandom because someone will always do it, but that’s not true. Now, all main destiel fic promo sites are modded by fic writers. Which is great, but you gotta admit that fan involvement is down.

I may sound real sore about this topic, but I’ve experienced this a lot as a DFF mod - the moment mods are behind an URL that doesn't look like a private blog, we are regarded as fandom employees. Suddenly we are turned into some kind of outsiders who are expected to service fandom and accept all demands. And somewhere with this sense of entitlement comes the idea that mods really don’t matter. That everyone can be a mod and the challenge or the fic rec blog will keep producing the same content no matter who is behind the URL. So, we have this strange situation when people want to enjoy the quality content they have come to expect from destielfanfic (or Tropefest), but somehow they think that mods are easily replaceable. I can’t tell you how much it hurt to see a post calling for DFF mod change after we posted our post 12x23 Castiel post which was interpreted as destiel hate. The OP literally said that DFF is an important fandom hub, but those pesky mods should leave and let other ppl to continue the blog. I feel that the same thing happened to jojo now, Now matter how much time and effort she has devoted to promoting destiel writers, it doesn’t matter because she did this one tiny thing to make life easier for her. This mentality that puts fandom above an individual completely ignores the fact that there’s no fandom without individuals. Fandom is a voluntary place. We are here, or we move to another place.

#tropefest #fandom drama oranges #robotsnchicks #thank you for giving me chance to talk about challenges #i'm actually curious about your other fandom experiences?#like there are challenges that go on for many years #while regularly changing mods?#i can see how BB and reverse bangs can survive #since those are regarded as fandom challanges #and someone always will step up to mod them #i don't think it is true for smaller challenges #even now #about fandom #my fandom history #destielfanfic #flyingcatstiel has thoughts

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saccharinedanganimagines · 6 years ago

Note

idk if you have this ask already?? but would like to request (again) the v3 boys (plus hinata and nagito) in a romantic relationship with a trans male reader. and them finding out (either by an ex friend deadnaming them [because angst] or like finding a trans flag in their room. or you can make up your own situation!) it would be nice if you considered it and thank you in advance ^w^!! -a person to afraid to go off anon (once more)

Edit: I tried to make this imply ftm, I did the other way around at first, I apologize for the confusion!

Hey there Trans reader anon! Sorry I took a long time with your ask, I’ve had a bit of writer’s block these past few weeks. Thank you for waiting, also, you’re no trouble at all! You’re always welcome here.

Ah, small disclaimer, I know very little about the trans community, so please feel free to correct me if I make any mistakes in writing about them! I’d like to apologize if I happen to offend anyone. I’m doing a bit of research as I write too just in case!

~ Mod Ouma

Shuichi, Kiibo, Rantaro, Hajime and Nagito finding out that their S/O is Trans Male.

Shuichi Saihara

You were out on a date with Shuichi. The sun was out, the breeze was cool, summer was in full swing and you two were sharing a nice, big bowl of ice ream.

Your friends even dropped by a small while ago, teasing Shuichi for treating his S/O.

One of your older friends also dropped by.

Things didn’t end very… amicably between you and your ex friend.

Shuichi knew of your situation and how your ex friend turned out to be a complete butt, he moved a few seats away with you in the ice cream parlor.

“You’re so lucky to have a boyfriend, already. After me? Aren’t you already satisfied with living like a boy AND a girl?” They spat.

“H-Hey. We don’t want any trouble. Could you please leave S/O alone?”

“And miss out on deadnaming them? S/O’s a trans-”

“I know.”

Your ex friend turned silent. Shuichi stared them dead in the eye.

“I know, so, you don’t have to tell me twice. Now, will you please leave? You’re disturbing the other customers.”

Upon looking around, many people were looking at your isolated table with wary frowns and concerned looks.

Your horrible ex friend is left to hang their head low and leave the parlor.

Shuichi lets out a shaky sigh, slightly slumping his shoulders.

“H-Haha, that was.. Nerve wracking.”

“You… Knew..?”

“O-Oh, yes. Sorry I didn’t tell you, S/O.. I wasn’t sure if it would be rude of me, but I-I am the Ultimate Detective…”

Shuichi noticed that you still looked rather shaken by the event. He scooped up some ice cream and held his spoon close to your lips, gaining your attention.

“S/O… I still love you. You’re still the S/O I f-fell in love with.” Shuichi muttered near the end, shyly averting his gaze with rosy cheeks.

Kiibo/K1-B0

“S/O? I’ve come to check up on you and ask you out for a d-date!” Kiibo called out, letting himself in your home with the spare key you gave him

Kiibo didn’t even know what the flag meant, it had an interesting design that didn’t match in his mental repertoire of world country flags.

So, he just stood still, blankly staring at the flag and searching the internet. .

After 10 minutes of just standing there for too long, he turns around to leave- but you bumped into him.

“O-Oh, my apologies, S/O. W-Wait. T-This is not what you think! I-I didn’t mean to inappropriately a-approach you in your bedroom!!” Kiibo squeezed his eyes shut, turning red as he stumbles back.

You panic, realizing that you left your flag lying on your bed there’s no way he couldn’t have seen it.

“I-I was just curious as to what your flag’s origins were… I’m truly sorry.”

Kiibo has yet to learn about the Trans community, so at first, he doesn’t have a reaction to it.

You two continue on with your day, Kiibo noticed that you seemed a little upset by the event, so he treats you to lunch and does research about your community later that day.

He visits you again the next day, 6 am sharp.

“Good morning S/O! Did you sleep well? I have diligently researched about the Trans Male community, and I wish to know more about this side of you.”

You talk the day away with Kiibo, and go about your usual free-time events with him!

“As someone who experienced Robophobia, I’d like to remind you that you’re 100% safe from discrimination with me!”

“A-And that.. I still l-love you very much! Never forget that, S/O.”

Rantaro Amami

Rantaro finds out after seeing a Trans flag after passing by your slightly open room. He’s very observant, to the point that he’d notice a few knickknacks on your shelves moving places.

He won’t say anything for a long while, he wanted to make sure that you’re comfortable and that you come out to him at your own, safe pace.

He also figures out which pronouns you prefer- call it intuition. But he’ll ask you what you’d prefer, just in case. This mysterious boy wants to make sure you’re validated.

You discover that he knew after you meet some really old friends before your transition. They didn’t have the best reactions to the present you.

Rantaro politely corrects the pronouns they use, then he steers the conversation into idle chatter until it was time for them to leave.

“I’m sorry that happened S/O. I hope I didn’t shock you too much.” the boy bashfully rubs the back of his head.

He had a few sisters who were also transitioning. If he’d love to introduce you to all his sisters, and brothers, one day too.

“S/O.. I want you to know that I still love you and I want to be more supportive of you.” He gives you a sincere, heart-melting smile.

From then on, he regularly asks you how he can validate your identity.

“Hmmm.. How’s about a good shopping spree? I wanna see how handsome you look in the suits I’ve seen downtown.”

Hajime Hinata

Hinata wanted to do something nice for you to take the stress off your shoulders. He offered to help around your chores for you, mainly with the laundry since he knows how painfully boring doing them could be.

He discovers that you refer to yourself a trans male when he was folding your sweaters. He originally though that they were in general support of pride, but most of them hinted that the wearer had gone through transitioning.

He’s basically the un-scouted Ultimate Counselor. He knows how to comfort and validate people.

He’ll also wait until you’re comfortable enough to come out to him, he doesn’t want to make you nervous.

He’ll do small things to validate you until you come out to him one day.

If he sees that you’re happy with it, he’ll start to refer to you with more masculine or other positive words that you associate with your body image.

He’ll also have weird spontaneous moments where he desperately hopes he’s being covert in validating you.

“Hey S/O. I just wanted you to know that I care about you very much, and let me know if you need anything okay? I support your identity!”

He’s worried he may be too obvious, but he genuinely wants to be supportive in any way he can.

He’ll be so proud of you when you come out to him, touched that you’d trust him that much.

“S/O, correct me if I mistakenly use the wrong pronouns okay?”

Nagito Komaeda

Nagito finds out after you two happen to pass by a small group Anti-trans people.

They started bothering you two, saying really hateful things about the trans community- but luckily, they didn’t know you were a trans male.

Your boyfriend noticed how deflated and hurt you looked every time they said something, so he stopped trying to be polite with them.

“Just my luck…” Nagito sighs heavily.

“How dare you speak so crassly in front of S/O.”

The sudden venom to Nagito’s tone surprised the protesters, making them falter and gawk.

With a contemptuous quirk to his lips, Nagito begins to chew the strangers out.

“Even trash like me knows his place, but pathetic people like you? I’m so disappointed at how narrow-minded you are. How hopeless.”

“Maybe if you all put this much time and effort into trying to hone your talents, you’ll become Ultimates. Let’s go S/O.”

He actually wouldn’t catch on to why exactly you were upset until much later, at which point, you decided to tell him.

“S/O.. I’ve been thinking about that day in the park. And I wanted to tell you that I’m supportive of you.” He gives you a sincere smile.

“S/O, I truly admire the way you stand your ground, despite other people’s mislabeling! Your hope is wonderful- you’re wonderful!”

He’s really attuned to your aesthetic and clothing choices, he randomly gives you gifts based on them ever now and again.

Overall, nothing much would change between the two of you. Nagito will only start to use pronouns differently, if you ask him to. He still loves you!

#shuichi saihara #shuichi saihara imagines #nagito komaeda #nagito komaeda imagine #hajime hinata #hajime hinata imagines #rantaro amami #rantaro amami imagines #kiibo #k1-b0 #new danganronpa v3 #new danganronpa v3 imagine #superdanganronpa 2 #superdanganronpa 2 imagine #slight angst #neutral end

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ours-is-feral-love · 7 years ago

Text

Red Sand

A/N: And . . . another one. Really couldn’t get this idea out of my head. [SPOILERS if you’ve not finished the show!]

Enjoy.

Summary: Alyssa sneaks into the hospital where James is being held following his capture. [T for language ] [Word Count: 2,621] [Alyssa’s POV]

I look the police officer over carefully from where I sit, watching his heavy eyelids droop over his evil eyes. He shouldn’t be too hard to fool. He looks like quite an idiot.

Nurses and doctors pass by on a continual loop, each of them shooting nervous glances at the doorway behind the drowsy PC. I want to tell them all to fuck off. I want to shout it really, really loudly. Scream it until I can’t speak anymore. Until there’s blood coming out of my mouth. But I stop myself. Making a scene won’t do me any good. No one can know I am here. Mum thinks I’m tucked underneath my duvet like some fucking caterpillar waiting to become a butterfly.

They’re scared of him. They’re all terrified he’s going to escape his restraints and slaughter them as if he is a psychotic serial killer.

Pussies. Each and every one of them.

None of them know who he is. They don’t know what really happened that night. They think they do because of the shitty news coverage, but the media is full of liars and money-loving fakes. And a story about an unhinged boy on a crime spree sneaking into a rapist’s house intending to murder said rapist sells better than the truth. That James only killed him to protect me.

He’s a hero. He deserves a medal, not shackles. Not a bullet hole in his left arm.

I heard on the BBC they had to give him blood transfusions because of how much of his own supply he lost on the beach. Because the bullet that hit him snagged an artery on its way out.

It’s been nearly a week, and I’ve unintentionally blocked that day from my memories, but I remember that bit. I hear that final gunshot as I sit staring at the sleeping officer and I see James go down as if it’s happening all over again. He sprawls on the ground, arms and legs at strange angles. I’m still screeching his name, but he isn’t moving. And there’s red. It’s everywhere, spilling over the wet sand . . .

I close my eyes before I lose my shit in the middle of the hospital. I breathe in a shaky breath, clutching the seat of the uncomfortable chair I am occupying near James’ room. The scratchy vinyl feels gross, but the cracks in the material scrape my palms and the pain is somehow soothing.

I think I've always needed a little bit of pain to get me through the day. It's why I put up with Tony for so long. Why I let my mum talk down to me like I was the most massive disappointment. Of course, I'm suffering a lot more than I'm used to at the moment. General teenage angst seems to have not prepared me for a situation like this. A situation that involves the boy you love being shot and then shackled to a hospital bed.

I am so lost right now.

But I know if I could see him, just for a second, that everything would fall back into place. I won't be so lost when I get past that snoozing guard.

I open my eyes and get to my feet. It's time for some fucking action. I pinch my cheeks, slouch my shoulders, and push my bottom lip out. Satisfied that I look like someone in need of some help, I approach the policeman.

I poke him hard on the arm. He jerks awake, and for a moment I just want to slap him. Bring him to the ground and beat the shit out of him. But I manage to hold myself back.

The man's bulging eyes look me up and down. His face softens.

It is this moment I am outrageously glad my parents’ genes mixed in just the right way to make me look like a fucking twelve-year-old.

"What's the matter, sweetheart?" he asks in that voice my mum uses when she's talking to the twins.

Ugh. The desire to punch him comes over me again. He's even more fucking disgusting than I thought.

“Some—someone stole my bag." I sniffle, watching the geezer before me take on a hardened look of determination. "It had a present for my mum in it."

"Okay, darling. Which way did he go?" He reaches out for my hand, but I quickly use that one to point behind me.

No way do I want this old creep touching me.

"That way. I think I saw him going down the stairs. He's probably not even here anymore." I put my face in my hands and pretend to cry. I make ugly noises for added effect.

Maybe I should be a fucking actor when I grow up. Do they let criminals on TV?

"Don't cry," he says. "Don't cry. Look. I can't leave this spot, but I can ask a nurse to take you down to the security desk and they can help find your bag. Okay?"

Not okay. So not okay.

I remove my hands, frowning. "I need to find it now! My mum is dying of fucking cancer and you can't be a decent enough policeman to help me get back the present I bought for her with literally all of my fucking money? What if she dies in the time it takes for me to go down and start explaining this shit show to someone else?"

Gotcha.

The officer's face is wide. His mouth hangs open. His saucepan eyes swerve around the room, making sure no one is watching us.

"Okay," he says in an angry, hushed tone. "Okay, I'll see what I can do. What did the man look like?"

He stands up, straightening the weapons belt around his hips.

"Tall. Dark eyes, brown hair. Wearing a dark grey sweater with blue jeans and black snazzy shoes. Tan. Probably forty or so," I say. It’s Tony’s description. Maybe he’ll be walking down the street when the PC comes along.

Turning as the policeman does, my back is now to the door.

I can practically feel James.

My heart thumps wildly in anticipation. It hurts. I can't breathe.

"Alright." He motions to the seat at the back of my knees. "Stay here. Make sure no one goes inside."

"Why?" I ask as he starts walking away. "What's behind the door?"

"A monster," he says.

That's it. If I see him again, I'm definitely punching him.

I nod in agreement to his request, staring after him as he disappears round a corner.

This is it. I turn towards the room and shove the chair out of the way, moving close enough to the door that I can smell the wood. I reach for the handle. It’s cold, but unlocked. Twisting slowly, my eyes darting left and right, praying to the countless number of deities I’ve heard of throughout my whole life that I won’t get caught, I hear a click and the door falls inward. I go with it, pressed to the wood, and sneak inside the room.

I actually gasp. Like a fucking cartoon or something. The door closes softly behind me. I look around the room. There are wires and machines everywhere. Beeping noises collapse against my eardrums.

A heartbeat. James’ heartbeat.

And there he is. Right in front of me, asleep, looking sickly and pale and like he hasn’t properly showered in a few days. His arm is in a sling. He is connected to a saline drip through an IV via his uninjured arm. He is cuffed, too. To the side of the bed. There is a metal handcuff around his thin wrist.

God, I am so fucked off. I want to go at the restraint with a chainsaw.

Looking at him makes me want to cry. It always has. Ever since we first met. But right now, I really want to cry. More badly than I have ever wanted to before.

But I shouldn’t. I can’t. I need to be strong for him.

Swallowing the giant cricket ball forming in my oesophagus, I creep on my tiptoes towards the giant hospital bed. He looks even worse close up. There’s a dark shadow over the bottom half of his face. Deep purple bags lie underneath his closed eyes.

I’m too far gone. I can’t stop the tears. They crawl down my cheeks, slip past my chin, and land on the grey-blue blanket covering James’ body. One, as I move my head to get a better look at his face, drips over his eyelids.

He comes awake. The beeping grows quicker. I swear my lungs have stopped working. Reaching out, I place my hand over his mouth as his eyes snap open. His jaw parts. Hidden behind my palm, I feel his heavy breaths bathe my skin.

“Shh,” I warn, breathless. “I’m not supposed to be here. We don’t have much time.”

He shakes his head and I lift my hand. “You need to leave,” he says. It comes out all croaky and dry. He’s broken.

It makes me so angry. If he had just let me come with him, none of this shit would be happening.

If only I hadn’t been silly enough to believe my dad was a decent fucking human being, we would be in Switzerland by now, hiding in a bakery or skiing down some snow-capped mountain.

“I’m staying,” I say defiantly. He can’t tell me what to do.

He starts to sit up, but the effort exhausts him and he quickly lies back down. His brilliant eyes—the most beautiful things I’ve literally ever seen—gaze up at me. “I don’t want you to see me like this.”

To be honest, I don’t want to see him like this. But I hold off on telling him that. “I don’t care what you look like. I don’t care that you’re handcuffed. James,” I say, the tears forming again. I reach for his chained hand. His fingers are sweaty, but he holds onto me regardless, entwining our fingers. I could collapse in a heap of despair like those women in the 19th century used to. “What’s gonna happen to you?”

“I’m not sure,” he says.

The words come out thin and brittle. I think there’s a cricket ball in his throat too. With my spare hand, I grab the cup of water by his bed and slowly, like he’s a baby, I tip the cup towards his mouth. He swallows a couple of gulps and coughs away any excess dryness. He mutters a thanks and I return the cup to its original spot.

“They’re keeping me here until my arm heals a bit more,” he says. “And then I’ll be moved to a jail to await trial. Then I’ll be prosecuted.”

He says it with such indifference that I find myself wanting to take him by the shoulders and shake him viciously.

“How can you be okay with this?” I ask, my face hot and wet. My lips tremble. My forehead hurts from frowning. “None of this is okay. None at all. It’s a giant mess—a total miscarriage of justice.”

I’ve been watching a lot of that American TV show Law and Order while under house arrest.

The longer I stare frustratedly at James half-lying down on his hospital bed, the blurrier he gets. But I blink rapidly, clearing my vision, when his face bunches. He's crying too. Not as much as me, but there's a small tear trolling down his scruffy face. Instinct compels me to wipe it away. I scrape at it with my thumb and hold my hand against his warm cheek. He presses into me, nostrils billowing like a curtain caught by the wind.

Okay. So, he isn't okay with this.

"I'm sorry," I say, rubbing the tear back into his skin. "I know you're just trying to be brave."

"I just," he says, "want to be with you."

My heart is going to explode. Is it possible for words to kill you?

"And I know that when they put me away, I'm not going to be able to be with you anymore," he continues, the words vibrating. "I don't want that to happen."

Fuck. Neither do I.

"I'll come see you," I promise. "And when you get out, we can be together again." My knees are starting to buckle under all the pressure. I hold tight to James. "Maybe we can get married . . . and then I'd get those conjugal visit things."

It's a joke. Mum would sooner disown me and throw me in the streets than allow me to marry a convicted felon.

But it does make James laugh. And that makes me smile. And some of that pressure lifts away.

"You would visit me?" he asks, and I sense the genuine worry.

"Yes. Fuck, I'd be in there with you if I could." If you'd let me. “Can I lie down?”

“What?”

“In the bed with you,” I say. “Just for a minute.” The guard’ll be on his way back soon. I’ll need to set off before then. But I need to lie with him. To feel his body against mine one last time before he’s taken away from me.

“I don’t know how easy it will be.” James looks to his shackled wrist and then to his bullet-hole-ridden arm.

I start climbing in, kicking my sandals off and bunching up the yellow sundress Mum got me when I was released from hospital the day James got captured. I wore it so she would let me out of the house. How long does she think it takes to pick up chocolate from the Co-op?

James can’t move a lot, but he slides over to make room for me. Lying on my side, pressing my hand flat against his chest, I rest my head on his shoulder. We sigh together. A sound of true contentment.

As much as he can, James holds me. His shackled fingers bend and move over the skin of my neck. I shiver into his hospital gown. For someone who looks so horrible, he smells just the same as always. Like lavender soap. I breathe him in, forcing myself to memorise the scent.

“You changed your hair,” he notes, fiddling with the short strands that just barely reach my neck.

“Mum took me to the salon immediately,” I say. Guess she wasn’t all that fucking pleased about the blond. “The woman made it too dark. I don’t like it.”

“Well, I do,” James says.

I smile into his neck.

I shouldn’t be happy at all. Things are about to get a whole lot worse for the both of us. But he’s touching me and I’m touching him, and everything just feels . . . right. I know it’ll be gone the instant I leave this room, but I will revel in it for the few minutes I have.

“You shouldn’t have come,” James says.

I lift myself up. Our faces are only a few centimetres apart. His breaths wash over my face. “Why?” I ask, confused and hurt.

James continues stroking every piece of available skin. “Now that you’re here, I don’t want you to leave.”

Oh.

“I don’t want to leave,” I tell him.

“But you have to.”

“But I have to,” I agree. “But not yet. In a minute.”

I have to kiss him. I have to remember the feel of his mouth on mine.

Lowering my face the tiniest bit, I close my eyes and affix my lips to his. He can’t properly embrace me, and I can’t move too much for fear of further injuring him, but he is soft against me and that’s all that matters.

I was wrong before. Now everything is right. The seas have calmed. The earth has stopped turning. And it’s James and me against the world.

#the end of the f***ing world #the end of the fucking world #teotfw #james x alyssa #james #alyssa #alyssa's pov #my writing #thanks for reading guys #fanfiction

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atleastputinsomeeffortinuroc · 7 years ago

Text

Rant: My Opinion on Venom the Character --aka-- The Tragedy of Eddie Brock

Let’s talk about Venom for a second.

With his new solo movie coming out starring the always impeccable Tom Hardy, I think it’s time we discuss everybody’s favorite muscle-bound Spidey villain/ruthless anti-hero, because…I well I say everybody loves him, when that’s not entirely true.

I’ve never really been a big fan of Venom. Specifically as an anti-hero.

I agree with the masses when I say Venom (when written in a certain way) is a great, GREAT villain and near prefect counterpart to Spider-Man to truly challenge him as he is very much the embodiment of his failed responsibilities. (Failure to help Eddie, failure to control the suit and just throwing it away rather than truly destroying it.) However, when placed in the morally gray protagonist role like you would put, say, the Punisher, Venom has always come off as just completely and utterly boring to me. I have never seen nor understood the appeal. He’s just a big, muscly, edgy Spider-Man with a creepy smile that goes on about “WE MUST FEED” or some horseshit that lacks any sort of drama and tension, instead relying on blood and gore to satisfy the crowd.

Now, the reason why I believe this is mainly because I think the most interesting aspects of Venom are lost the instant you put him in that anti-hero role. More specifically, you lose Eddie Brock’s tragedy.

What does that mean? Well, it’s…complicated. In order to find out why—you’ve gotta break down Eddie to his fundamentals as a character and find out what makes him work, before you go in and look at what doesn’t.

Spoilers for the character ahead, and also I should mention that this is all MY opinion. If you love Eddie Brock and wanna disagree with me, you’re free to do so. Just know that I’m not saying EVERYONE IS WRONG AND I AM RIGHT. This is my own personal deal with the character that I felt has bugged me and has finally come to a head that I gotta get off my chest. Good? Good.

Alright, let’s start off with the two building blocks of Venom: Eddie Brock and the Symbiote.

The Symbiote is some space-dimensional-parasite thing that is this thing that feeds off of the emotions of its partner, and then gets a small bit of their emotions that becomes a part of them. Each symbiote, according to new lore, has its own personality and ideas—but the symbiote that fell on our character has had…let’s just say a very VERY difficult couple of previous hosts before Peter Parker ever entered the picture. It lost its mind and became this thing that fed off of one emotion more than any—pure, seething rage. That last part, to me anyway, is the most crucial part of what defines Venom and separates him from the other incarnations like Carnage or something. This suit is fueled by the darkest part of the human id, the place where your darkest fantasies and thoughts that you refuse to give the light of day manifest. As long as dark thoughts exist in your mind, it will gravitate towards them and expand them ten-fold. It’s more than just some black goo that gives you powers—this is a living, breathing thing that cannot be negotiated with, and cannot be controlled. It can only be submitted to.

Eddie Brock is another thing entirely. Many different people have many different takes on the dude, but based off of his different origin stories, and how he’s set up, there is one fundamental item that has always defined him before the suit: tragedy. Eddie Brock has always got the short end of the stick in basically every department. He’s either lost his job, or he’s lost his mentor, or he’s lost his girlfriend—hell, he’s even once lost his future when he discovers that he has a tumor. Whether it’s because of these events, or how he was raised before, all of these things happening to him at once garnered two things within Eddie: contempt. Contempt towards those who got to have the life he’s always wanted but could never have because of *insert reason here.* It also doesn’t help that every decision he’s made to fix his life has always blown up in his face as well by trying to take shortcuts that he’s seen others get away with in the past easily, adding to his pain and suffering. He is, essentially, the one person in all the Marvel universe who can never catch a break. It’s that aspect that honestly makes Eddie Brock more interesting than the symbiote in some capacities. He’s more fleshed out, more humanized and shows just how bad things can go for people in the wake of mistakes that superheroes can make.

Now, for me, it’s when you combine these two where things can get…iffy. Mainly because it’s how you interpret or misinterpret either the symbiote, Eddie, or both that can make or break the character. For me personally, there’s one aspect of Venom that works the best, mainly because it makes the most sense with their characters and motivations. It ain’t the suit, it ain’t the symbiote, but instead Eddie himself. If you stop to think about it, there’s a kind of tragedy surrounding him.

Eddie sought solace in life and was refused time and time again by those around him. And then, at his lowest point, there is only one thing that gives it to him: the symbiote. The symbiote gives him the power that he’s always dreamed of, and lets him finally unleash the rage and contempt that has been boiling in his system for years. And it is ONLY THEN when Spider-Man finally tries to lay down an olive branch. He tries to get Eddie to fight it, to beat it, but by then Eddie is too far gone. Hell, I’d argue that the instant Venom starts to refer to himself in plural, that’s when Eddie truly died. They are better now. They have found peace within themselves. And they don’t need your sympathy. The idea of being told that you can be “saved” becomes a joke to those who were forced to save themselves.

Therein lies the tragedy: It isn’t that Venom isn’t given a chance at redemption, but rather that he refuses it.

When writers play into that effect, and show how depraved and demonic Venom is, and then juxtapose it with the shriveled up husk of a man that is Eddie Brock who only finds peace in becoming that terrifying thing—that’s when the character is firing at all cylinders I think. He becomes this horror show who you can’t help but feel the same amount of pity as you do fear of him. It’s almost a kind of Walter White situation in terms of losing oneself to your alter ego. This is why and how I find Venom fascinating.

But, on the contrary, when you try to put Venom in the different role of anti-hero rather than straight up villain, I draw the line in the sand.

Y’see, a fundamental part of what makes Venom so much of a cool villain is because he can’t escape his tragedy. He is literally bound to it. To make him anything other than an antagonist would go against that tragedy and therefore would go against his character, or completely and fundamentally alter the fabric of the character itself.

For example, say you go the direction of having Eddie try to fight the monster and control his powers. Real Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde style. The issue you’ve got there is that, well, it’s already been done. Peter tried that a looooong time ago. Plus, it wouldn’t work for the character as he’s already accepted the symbiote as part of himself. “We” and all that.

Another example, say you have Eddie attempt to find a kind of redemption arc and finally own up to his responsibilities. While yes, you can have this done where Eddie finally controls his anger and rage and can become a hero…but it has to come at a cost. Looking at this narratively, the one way to finally put it all behind him would be to defeat the thing that is keeping him from becoming human again, and there’s only one item in Brock’s past that does so—the Symbiote. For him to do a proper redemption arc that makes sense for the nature of the symbiote and how Eddie would move forward (and, admittedly, would be a good final note for the character,) he would have to destroy the suit or refuse to put it on again. Essentially, Eddie can be redeemed…but not Venom. If this were to be used, this would have to be Eddie’s swan song before leaving Venom proper.

The final option is, of course, why don’t you do a Punisher-type thing with Venom? He brutally takes out the bad guys that the other dudes won’t have the stomach to. While Venom could express his rage and anger against the right (or in this case ‘wrong’) people, and could provide an interesting issue for supporting heroes to tackle since he’s crossing the line for the right reasons, it’s kind of a one-trick pony. Long term it would fall flat on its face. It would get stale because you’d just see him constantly mowing people down with no consequence and no character development save for the occasional time when Eddie is justifying his actions. It would have to start and then, after a killing spree or two, he would get taken down by the heroes who force him back into a cage. This idea DOES fall in line with Eddie Brock’s tragedy, and admittedly could be done…but without that juxtaposition of Venom brutally murdering gangsters and supervillains with your Iron Men and Spider-Folks trying to maintain justice and order and are forced to take Venom down, it’ll all be lost.

You see where I’m going with this? Every time you try and set up Venom as an anti-hero, it just doesn’t work out that well. You either take away a fundamental part of what makes his character interesting, or you end up losing the character forever. He’s not like Punisher. He’s not like Deadpool. He’s not like, well, any other kind of anti-hero. He’s too much of a beast to be contained. It’s like trying to make the Joker out to be an anti-hero. You can’t. He’s done too many horrible things and would have no real reason to do any modicum of good in his entire life.

(Random hot take: I also don’t particularly care for Agent Venom. He just feels…lame. He has the Venom suit without the insanity of the symbiote or the contempt of Eddie, instead vying for a toned-down Flash Thompson who doesn’t have that strong a personality when put next to not only Venom, but Spidey and even Carnage. Also…really with the guns? You have a SYMBIOTE SUIT that can turn into ANYTHING and you choose GUNS?! That’s REEEEEAAALLY lame.)

Now. With ALL OF THIS BEING SAID. Let’s wrap right back around to the Venom movie.

In my eyes, there is only one real way you could feasibly do a Venom movie. It’s Eddie’s fall from grace and descent into madness. It’s a take on the world of bright super-heroes where even the best of them can’t necessarily save everyone, and create this beast out of your darkest nightmares. Perhaps it can even make a commentary on the collateral damage that super-heroes would have on society (not necessarily the death kind as seen in Civil War, but more of the problems they would create for the little people like Vulture from Homecoming—only expounded by constant tragedy rather than lack of a job.) Due to that, it would be less of a bloody slasher movie as much as a dark psychological thriller. Yes it would mean you wouldn’t necessarily see a LOT of Venom throughout the movie, but it would be something that emphasizes his best features while also being something you haven’t seen before from a super-hero movie.

It’s for this reason that I don’t mind that Venom isn’t in he Venom trailer. Hell, I’m happy he isn’t. Venom isn’t the best part of Venom, it’s Eddie Brock. The symbiote plays a part, yeah. But as a character, Eddie defines it. His growing contempt, his initial fear of giving into his “demons,” his tragic fall from grace, and his eventual acceptance of Venom as the only way to become whole which would THEN lead to the much-anticipated bloodbath. That’s why I’m glad it looks like he’s going to be more of the focus than Venom.

That being said, is the film going to go that direction I want it to? I don’t know. If I were a betting man, I’d say that it’s probably not going to be because of how little he connects to any kind of Marvel Universe due to rights, and how it looks like he’s going to be fighting different kinds of symbiotes with some ‘spooky organization’ that’s probably going to recruit him into being a citizen soldier or something. From what I saw in the trailer, that’s what it looks like. But, that being said, the fact that they focused so heavily on Eddie HOPEFULLY means it’ll be more about his aforementioned descent into madness rather than meaningless blood and gore. I don’t care if they completely change his origins—if they can make something interesting and meaningful then by God: DO IT. Look at what Spectacular Spider-Man did. The show altered Eddie COMPLETELY and made what I consider to be the BEST take on Venom’s character. It’s just the right amount of insanity mixed with the perfect amount of tragedy.

And at the end of the day, that’s what Venom’s all about: Insanity and Tragedy.

(Again, If you disagree with any or all of what I’ve said, feel free. But know I’m not telling you to feel this way, so don’t go bananas because I spoke my piece on a blog that nobody reads. This is just my personal opinion on the character. Nothing more.)

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cdg174 · 7 years ago

Text

Call me Jane Doe: Chapter Eight

Summary: Crowley for once shows up not wanting to cause any chaos. He only wishes to warn Y/N against sticking with the Winchesters because he knows nothing good ever comes from being friends with hunters.

Author note… Please don’t hurt me! I’m just a young writer with a dream!

Words: 1751

Masterlist

Y/N pov.

“By all means, finish your little shopping spree.” Crowley gestures towards the clothing slung over my shoulder but I don’t take my angry eyes off him for one second. “I’ll be waiting outside when you two are done. I’ve seen where your precious car is parked, I’ll be there so you don’t leave without me.” Crowley walks slowly past me, our eyes locked on each other the entire time. Even when he is out the door, I continue looking in the direction he went.

“How long have you known him?” Sam asks me but I don’t turn around.

“I’m going to try these on.” I speed my way to the change rooms but before I close the door, Sam grabs hold of it to keep me from locking him out.

“Jane come on.” He looks at me prying. “I told Dean I trust you so let’s keep it that way.” I hang the clothing on the hooks before facing Sam. “You can tell me anything and I won’t tell anyone unless you want me too.” I sigh.

“Crowley helped me take charge when I first received my abilities. Trained me to be in control of them because I was unable to do so alone.”

“So why are you so frustrated with him now?” Sam lets go of the door and before I close it, I give him a response.

“I found out that he could have stopped my mother from being killed.” Then I close the door with nothing left to say.

March 16th, 2012

“You want me to what!?” I shout at mother.

“Keep your voice down. These walls are no where near sound proof.” I sit down on the edge of the bed, staring at mother as though she has two heads.

“I can’t do what your asking me to do. It’s crazy.”

“As crazy as a having a demon for a father?” I shake my head no at her, refusing to do what she says.She grabs my shoulders and makes me look her in the eyes. “Sweetheart, my little girl.” She brushes my hair back. “I am too weak to get you out of here and you are too scared to leave me behind. That is why Charleston is going to end us tonight, because he knows we’re too dependent on each other and he’s done. So you need your powers to get out of here.”

“Mama no…” I sob.

“Baby as much as you don’t want to, it is the only way for you to survive. Your human strength is no match for Charleston’s demon strength. To escape you need to unlock your powers and you are going to have to kill me to do that. ”

“There’s got to be some other way. Please tell me the other way.” I blubber, embracing my mother.

“I’m so sorry but it has to be done.”

“No.” Comes my muffled voice.

“You’re part demon honey, so the only way to access that part of you is to commit a true act of evil.” I cry harder into her shoulder. “The only way available is taking the life of a loved one. Then you can get out of here. You can live again.”

“But you won’t be able to live with me.” I raise my head to look at her. “We could just catch Charleston off guard and escape. We have to try one more time. Please Mama, please.” She wipes away my non-stop tears.

“This is the only way.” I fall into her again. “The only way.”

Crowley’s pov.

That girl is going to get an earful later. I lean against the car and it’s about another thirty minutes until I see Y/N and Sam exit the store with two large bags full of clothes, no doubt.

“Alright Crowley, why are you here?” Sam spits.

“Why Moose, I’m delighted to see you as well.” I cheerfully reply but then I turn to ‘Jane’. “I’m here to speak with this young lady. Catch up you might say, we haven’t spoke in quite some time. A little get together is long overdue.” She glares over her shoulder at me as she opens the back door and drops her bags on the floor.

“We don’t have anything to talk about so we’re done here.” Y/N slams the passenger door and locks it behind her. I look at Sam as he laughs at her actions.

“Goodbye Crowley.” He starts the car and I step back as they roll away from me. I knew she would react this way but I don’t care, I need to talk with her even if she doesn’t wish to see me.

Which is why I don’t hesitate to head over to their beloved bunker.The warding is still up when I arrive, no matter, I can just wait in front of the garage door. After all Sam is bound to park in there. I don’t plan to stay long, so I can just speak with Y/N outside and I will not leave until then.

Another unnecessary amount of waiting later, headlights shine on my form that is blocking Sam and Y/N’s entrance of the bunker. I see their shadows moving through the windshield for a moment before the passenger door opens and Y/N exits.

“I won’t be long Sam.” Unlike earlier she softly shuts the door behind her and impatiently waits for me. I smirk as I walk towards Y/N while Sam drives through the doors, somewhat hesitantly. I look through the window as he passes by and his face is full of concern but he continues forward anyway.

“You’ve gotten the young Winchester to care about you already. Can’t say I’m surprised, Samantha was always very sympathetic.” She looks at me annoyed.

“Let me have it.” I frown. “I know you here to give me crap, so dish it out already then leave.”

“You’re smart dear but you’re not that clever.” Y/N says nothing. “I didn’t give you stories on the Winchesters so you could run straight to them. I was using them as a warning so that if you ever ran across them when I wasn’t around, you would know to flee in the opposite direction.” She raises an eyebrow at me.

“Says the demon who calls them for help all the time.”

“That’s different. They’re useful to me with their experience and their resources, as I am to them.” I rebuttal and she crosses her arms. “You just randomly showed up on one of their hunts…”

“How did you know that?”

“They exorcised one of my kind. He went to hell, my domain, from there it was was easy to get information out of him. He described the Winchesters and admitted he was taken down by an invisible force. I put two and two together quickly.” She nods for me to continue. “You are expendable to them and that is going to get you killed.” Even though I have told Y/N that she is threatened by the Winchesters, her expression does not change.

“Well at least you won’t have trouble watching.”

“What?”

“You’re used to watching people get killed or have you forgotten already.” Y/N walks close to my ear and whispers in a venomous tone. “You watched me kill my mother and then you pretended to save me from Charleston. I think I’ll take my chances with Sam and Dean.” I hear the crunching footsteps of Y/N as she walks away from me, repulsed by my presence. Shortly after, a door screeches open and slams shut. I gulp as I remember exactly what she forever hates me for.

March 16th, 2012

“See you in Hell Charleston.” He screams as I complete the banishment spell, his black smoke soul disappearing through the floor boards. I brush my attention over to the modern part of this dump. The computer sitting on a empty barrel is showing a live feed of the chamber the body on the floor was previously monitoring. On the screen I see someone I never thought I’d possibly lay my eyes on again.

“Mallory?” I say to the nearly empty room. The last time I saw her was a decade ago and her skin was blemish free but now she is covered in bruises and lacerations. “I should have killed this pest.” I rumble as I kick the empty vessel on the rotting floor.

I peer back at the screen as I hear a cracking sound from the computer speakers. Mallory has broken a part of the bed frame and it comes off as a very jagged piece of metal. Only now do I realise the second person in the chamber, a young girl. She hands the sobbing child the sharp object and speaks shakily.

“You can do it baby.” The girl cries harder. “I love you Y/N and I forgive you.” It’s been so long, I only recognize the young girl when Mallory says her name.It’s her daughter. Y/N looks very regretful but she takes hold of the jagged metal anyway. Mallory kisses her forehead and embraces her tightly.

“I love you mama.” Y/N says with a raspy voice, from crying most likely. Then it happens, so quick that I become winded. Y/N raises the metal and pierces Mallory’s heart. Her body goes limp in the arms of the young child. Y/N screams as though she is the one being killed and she holds Mallory so tight, she probably breaks some ribs in the process. She doesn’t morn long before the lights of the building all burst and her screaming stops. Y/N has unlocked her demon side.

“Damn you Charleston!” I screech turning and tossing his vacant body up against the wall, holding it there. “When I get back to hell, you are going to wish you never existed! You ruined an innocent child’s life!” I drag the body all the way to the chamber where scared sobs can be heard through the massively dead bolted door. “I’ll help you darling. I’ll take care of you, I promise.” I whisper before hauling the old vessel up and slamming it against the door. The crying stops immediately and I kick the door down, old Charleston still laying on it as it lands on the floor. Y/N looks over and I notice the irises of her eyes, they’re turning from beautiful brown to a dramatic red. She continues to cry as she hugs Mallory’s forever lifeless body tighter. I step into the doorway and look deep into her horrifying eyes, unflinching.

“It’s over Y/N. You’re save now.”

Special mentions: @arazialotis @cyanpintglass @goldenolaf25 @when-innocence-is-gone @jaylynnaredsky @fallen-castiel @spnfanficfavorites@anothertimeinspace @klleexy @flare-chan003 @isnt-the-blog-youre-looking-for @imnotalosechester @mary-meee @yascalum @jsamstar@driadgoch @vvinch3st3r @kayarisa@misguidedconqueress @heeeeeether @messy-buns-and-shotguns @breathexxinxxthexxflames @ryantherandomhero @simirachel@supernatural-fangirl13 @lilypalmer1987 @beatlesobsessionlove @ultracleverthing @possesstiel

Just another Babysitter

Special mentions: @palominojacoby @the-imaginarium-of-life @trilloku-blog

#supernatural #sam winchester #dean winchester #castiel #cas #angel of the lord #new series #first series #king of hell #crowley #fanfic #reader insert #major feels #goodluck everyone

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