#I hate them so much!!!! (LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE i love them actually with all my being)

[starrysturnz]

baby, it’s cold outside!

pairing. matthew sturniolo x reader

summary. when a harsh blizzard hits boston, matt and y/n get snowed in. with the power out, they brainstorm an alternative way to keep each other warm— and where better to do that than by the fireplace?

warnings. smut; softdom!matt, fingering (fem!receiving), unprotected sex, implied creampie, overstimulation (fem!receiving) if you squint. so much fluff. they love each other so much it’s gross.

word count. 1k

author’s note. sorry i’m posting so late… BUT it’s 10:30pm EST so technically it’s on time. this was supposed to be longer but i was traveling today and i didn’t have the energy to keep writing. kisses!

masterlist | taglist | starrysturnz’s christmas countdown

© starrysturnz. all rights reserved. dividers by @cafekitsune.

“i think that’s enough candles, matt,” y/n laughed, the flickering of the flames reflected in her already shining eyes. “you’re going to wear out the lighter.”

matt glanced up just long enough for her to catch the mischievous grin on his illuminated face, setting the pine-labeled jar down. “it’ll last, baby. i can always go get us another one if it dies.”

“not in this weather, you won’t,” the girl scolded, gazing out the window at the white void and snagging a blanket out of the nearby storage closet. “i don’t care how close the corner store is, you’re not going out in that.” she shivered at the thought, coming up behind her boyfriend and draping the fluffy material across his shoulders. her fingers tickled their way around his waist, clasping tightly and hugging him close so she could relax against his back. 

matt’s shoulders jostled her as he chuckled. “c’mon, you know i’m not that stupid. i’d just go next door and ask mr. martínez to lend me one.”

“please. mr martínez hates us. he’d probably let you in just to push you off his balcony.” 

turning around in her grasp, matt opened his arms and ushered y/n into his embrace, securing the blanket to cover her frame. “then it’s a good thing there’s four feet of snow on the ground waiting to catch me, huh?” he swiped the tip of her nose with his knuckle, pulling her in to lay a kiss against her forehead. 

“whatever. i’m not going down there with a hairdryer to thaw you out. you’re on your own.” 

“a space heater would work better, no?” he mused with a smile. “speaking of… we gotta get some heat going in here, it’s freezing. how ’bout a fire, hm? keep us warm ’til they get the power lines back up?”

he felt her nod against his chest. “you do that. i’m gonna go grab the duvet.”

⁺⁎˚

“m-matt…,” y/n whined from beneath him, “please, don’t stop. please.” 

“i’ve barely gotten started, baby,” matt spoke lowly, nosing at her flushed cheek, “why would i stop now?”

a breathy sigh filled the space between them, “because you’re evil, and you’re a tease.”

“if i was evil, would i do this?” she gasped sharply as she felt his fingers curl inside her, hitting that special, spongy spot that always left her weak in the knees. his thumb worked hard on her clit, and a shiver shot down her spine; this time, not from the cold. 

actually, they were quite warm. matt was the one to suggest they build a makeshift bed by the fireplace, and in hindsight, y/n should’ve known he was scheming for more. but she couldn’t lie and say it was uncomfortable or impractical— the many pillows and blankets beneath her made for a really soft mattress, and she was nothing if not cozy. 

but the girl was bordering on impatient. it’s not her fault! it’s just that they’d been doing this for a while now, and the poor girl wanted more. matt’s a giver at heart, and she knew this could go on all night if she didn’t say something. 

“matt…,” she whimpered desperately, hands finding purchase in his hair. a dull ache bloomed at the base of his skull as she tugged. “m-matty—”

“matty?” he laughed. “someone’s desperate… poor thing.” his fingers never relented, and it wasn’t long before her first orgasm finally took over. 

“oh… oh, my god, matt!” y/n’s voice sounded through the small living room, her hips lifting off of the sheets and grinding into matt’s hand as she started coming down from her high. 

“’s right, baby,” he pulled his fingers out, and a whine of discomfort tumbled from her lips. “that’s it, you’re all right. i got you.” 

matt took the opportunity to take his girlfriend in. the sight of her beneath him, half aglow in the firelight, laying like an angel in their improvised bed surrounded by candles. he felt like the luckiest guy in the universe. 

“baby,” his hand came up to her face, stroking her cheek softly with his knuckles, “you’re shaking.”

y/n’s brow furrowed just so, eyes opening to meet his. “oh… sorry….”

“’s nothing to be sorry about. are you cold? i can grab another log to throw in there, or maybe we have another blanket—”

“i have a better idea.” reaching between them, she palmed him through his calvin kleins. 

matt, sucking in a breath through his front teeth, hung his head low as he gathered himself— if he came from one touch alone, he’d never live it down. y/n would make sure he never heard the end of it. 

“you sure you don’t want some water first? maybe just a minute to relax a little? i can wait, promise.” 

the girl leaned up, pressing the tip of her nose to his. “matt,” she whispered, “please fuck me.”

matt smiled and wasted no time ridding himself of his boxers, almost losing his balance and toppling onto her in the process (she laughed at him and offered no help, naturally). he groaned as he sunk in, swallowing her moans with his mouth, fingers finding her clit once again. a shudder ran through her spine at the stimulation. 

“you’re perfect,” he breathed against her neck. wet kisses littered the area, a roadmap of his favorite freckles and blemishes. “what did i do to deserve you?”

y/n wanted to tell him he was born deserving of everything good, but her lips were stuck in a permanent ‘o’ shape. she was putty in his arms, his thrusts jostling her back and forth against the pillows. 

“love you… so much, baby,” those the last words she heard before her second high, matt following soon behind her. a few moments came and went before she nudged his shoulder, and matt took that as his cue to ease up. 

“i love you, too,” y/n broke the silence. “but i think mr. martínez probably wants us evicted now.”

[midnight-mourning]

Thaw My Heart

❄️❄️Midnight's DCA December Day 9❄️❄️

Another done! Had some fun with this but won't lie, little out of it today due to some meds so this MAY be a bit incoherent, apologies in advance if so. That being said, hope you like it!

Prompt: Oh, this is such a cool idea!! i think my request will be making the DCA like the grinch, hating Christmas because they never got to really enjoy it themselves! Not just Moon- but Sun as well. It’s something they both strangely agree on, they’ll decorate and pretend for the kids, but when the reader is alone working with the both of them or cleaning up after hours, they learn that both actually lowkey DESPISE Christmas… So! The reader has to find out why and fix that! Before the DCA met the reader, they never got to help someone warm up from the cold outside, never kissed someone under mistletoe, never had a reason to bake cookies (they shouldn’t get the kids hyper and they have to consider allergies), nor have they ever had someone get them a Christmas gift! Then, by Christmas, both of them manage to make a very sweet homemade gift, something sentimental and both Sun and Moon are worried sick it isn’t good enough, similarly the reader is scared their gift isn’t good enough either… so just in general- helping the DCA truly learn what Christmas is about and why people like it so much- not for the commercialized reasons!

Word Count: 2597

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You noticed the moment you walk into the Daycare, boxes of holiday decorations in tow, that something's wrong.

Well, maybe wrong isn't quite the right word, but there's something up with the Attendant, that's for certain. Sun's smile doesn't match his tone, strained as he takes note of the items in stacked in your arms.

"Oh? What's all this, friend?" He asks you, but there's something about the way he says it that tells you he is already fully aware.

Still, you brush it off as you misreading things and smile, setting the boxes down nearby. "Decorations of course! Figured we'd go ahead and get started now since the month will go by fast. Want to help?"

"Sure... I would love to..."

Again his tone gives you pause. You turn to glance at him, concerned smile on your face. "Is everything alright?"

Sun seems to realize himself, shaking his head. "Of course! Sorry friend, I didn't mean to worry you. Let's get started!"

"Great! We should be able to get most of them up before the kids arrive." You start to open boxes, pulling out decorations.

"Can't wait."

You do get started, managing to put up the tinsel and wreaths prior to the official start of your shift.

When the kids arrive, they're more than thrilled. In fact, all they can talk about is what holiday crafts and activities you'll be doing this month. You're happy to indulge, but again, you can't help but notice that Sun's acting, off, about the whole ordeal.

You're certain something's wrong when Moon appears for naptime, less than thrilled when the children ask for holiday stories as opposed to his usual. Still, he obliges, despite the strain noticeable in his words as he does so.

It isn't until after the end of the day, when you decide to stay for a bit longer to decorate that you find out the reason for their odd behavior.

You're decorating the mini tree for the security desk when you hear a disgruntled noise from Sun. Peeking over, you see his eyes are narrowed as he examines the small green and white herb in his hands; mistletoe.

Not being able to help yourself now, you decide to speak up. "Are you sure everything is okay? You guys have been kind of off today."

"To be honest, Sunshine. I kind of hate all of this." Sun says, blunt.

You turn to him, eyes wide, not quite the answer you were expecting. "I, oh, I'm so sorry. We don't um, we don't have to do all this if you don't want to—"

His turn to be surprised, seemingly at his own slip up. "Oh no no no, I'm sorry, friend! I don't mean to discourage your fun, or the children’s." His rays shrink and looks away from you, tone bitter. "It's just, well, we've never had a good reason to celebrate, Moon and I."

You frown, setting down the items in your hand as you move over to him, hand on his arm. "Would you, want to talk about it maybe?"

Sun jumps at your touch, looking down. He seems to hesitate a moment, then moves away.

"That's alright, friend! No need to worry about it. It's just a small pet peeve is all."

He moves to the other side of the Daycare, humming a tune now. However, it doesn't go unnoticed by you how tightly he grips the bundle of mistletoe in his hands.

Your frown deepens, concerned and even a bit of sadness seeping in for a moment. Then, you shake your head, a determination setting in as you decide you have to do something about their heavy dislike for the holidays. You don't know their reasoning, and perhaps it was none of your business, but you would do your part to make things right for them, no matter what.

Was it partly because you've had a rather large crush on both sides of the attendant for some time? No, definitely not. Was it absolutely because they were your friends and that regardless of the whether the felt the same for you, you just wanted to make them happy? yes, of course. And if you could cling to that latter fact and ignore the rest, well, that's what you'll do then.

You decided to start small, probe out how much their disdain outweighed their desire to make others happy. Your first idea was prepping crafts for the kids, making a few small things for both attendants yourself. They were receptive, at least you think. 

You were well aware when Sun disliked a piece of art, going so far as to cover it on the bulletin board with something else he preferred, ever the dramatic, you know. But with your little snowflakes, and you roughly cut out tree, those were hung front and center. You took this as a good sign.

The next step was baking, something not actively Christmasy but very well could be. So, you invited them both to join you in the kitchen and bake cookies for the kids and some of the staff. This, while messy, also seemed to go okay. While maybe not overly enthused, they did seem to at least enjoy your company in the work. And maybe you were going a little crazy, but they really seemed to appreciate your time together.

Like when Sun towers over you, hand under your chin as he chuckles. "You've got flour on your nose, Starshine! Let me get that for you." He wiped it off with a swipe of his thumb, but his hand remained for just a few moments more before finally pulling away.

And then later, with Moon as you waited in front of the oven for the cookies to finish, draping a banket over your shoulders and providing you a cup of hot chocolate. Which would have been fine on its own, if he hadn't sat down beside you, arm on your shoulder.

"You seemed a bit cold, can't have you getting sick on us now, right?"

To say you were flustered would be an understatement.

It got much worse when you decide to try watching a few holidays together, without the kids. Alone.

You were used to cozying up with the attendant on occasion, as friends, of course. But this felt different somehow.

Maybe it was how you were snuggled into their lap, their arms around yours as you binged several holiday movies late into the night, well past the end of your shift. How you woke up in that same pose the next morning, not intending at all to have stayed so long. Or in such an, intimate position.

Adding on to that, when you made holiday cards with the kids, you received several from a mysterious secret admirer that you could only assume was the two of them. And while simple, and silly, there was an air of flirting to the little cards you’d found scattered about that made your heart flutter.

It convinced you to finally, shoot your shot, so to say, and decide to commit to the gift ideas you had for them, that went past the bounds of friendship into an actual confession of sorts. You just simply hoped you were right with your thoughts.

The closer the end of the month came however, you felt a shift in the two. They were still indulging you and your ideas, and enjoying your time together, however, you noticed they started to draw back a bit. Become more, nervous perhaps? 

You weren’t quite sure, but it certainly didn’t help your own anxieties that had begun to build again. Maybe you were wrong, and the feelings you believed had been growing had just been all in your head, as usual. But, you were far too gone now to back out of these gifts.

And so, there you stood, awkward and on edge as you wait for Sun to say goodbye to the last child before closing down for the day. Once he does, he whips to face you, hands together, fidgeting.

"Friend."

"Sun." You smile, but your nerves make you worry it doesn’t quite reach your eyes. You clear your throat. "I, um, have something for you guys. If that’s, um, alright."

"Oh!" He seems surprised, but also, off put?

"Is, is that okay?" You squeak out, cringing at how your voice rises. 

He turns to face you fully, hands clasped. "Yes. Of course."

"G-great! Well, um." You take a deep breath, presenting the gift you had for Sun first. "Here you go!"

Sun gently takes the wrapped gift in your hands, inspecting it just a moment before meticulously unwrapping it. 

He holds the metal container up, rays flicking a moment. "Crayons?" He asks, voice light, slightly teasing.

"Oil pastels, actually. Thought you could um, expand your horizons!"

"Oh..." He trails off, then lights up. "Oh oh oh! How lovely friend! Thank you!"

You beam. "Of course!"

Sun stares down at the gift for a moment, hand tracing the edge of the box for a moment. 

"Is it alright if I give Moon his?" You ask after a bit more quiet. 

Sun seems to come out of his daze, nodding once. 

A few seconds later, the lights are off, Moon holding his hands out expectantly for his gift. It makes you chuckle, taking a bit of your nervous edge off. 

Once it's in his hands, he tears into it, and because of the nature of what's inside you have to scold him about being more careful.

It's a neatly wrapped collection of books. Your hand grazes over his own as you explain. "You have access to all sorts of titles through your data base I know, but I know you like be able to hold something physically—"

Moon's smile presses to the top of your head for just a moment, shutting you up instantly as he chuckles. 

You cough, ears burning. "Well, um, I'll take it that you like it then?"

"Very much so, Star."

You nod, nerves on high alert as you fidget with the last package hidden under your jacket. 

Moon seems to pick up on your anxiety. "Is everything alright?"

"Yeah! Yeah I just, um." You shake your head. "Listen, I know you guys have been trying your best to go along with my shenanigans this month, and I've really appreciated it. Truly, I have. So I wanted to give you this, for um, both of you. If that's okay."

Before Moon can say anything further, you shove the gift into his arms, stepping back.

"I know it's kind of awkward since you can't open it at the same time but—"

Something happens then, Sun's rays appear around the sides of Moon's hat, one of his eyes shifting to match the white of the playtime attendant's. 

"We can." They both answer. "Not very often, but just for you, we can make it happen." You swear the bot winks at you for a moment, before opening the present. 

However, the playful nature is gone once they realize what's inside, freezing entirely as they stare down at the large, slightly messy, book. You know why, you weren't exactly subtle with the title of the scrapbook, 'All the things I love about you'. Their hands shake just slightly as they look page through page. And as the silence grows, your smile starts to falter more and more. 

"You, you made this for us?" They ask, tones unreadable in that moment. 

"Yeah, um, I, I did. I just um, I've, I've really liked you, both of you, for so long and I just thought that this would be the chance to show that,"—you swallow, shaking your head—"I care. I care a lot."

Neither speaks. Their faceplate twitching to the side every so often being the only indication they haven't completely crashed. This was a mistake, you realize in that moment. You've read this all wrong, and any kindness they showed you throughout this month was just simply out of the desire to appease you and your stupid holiday traditions.

When they still say nothing, you take a deep breath, starting to make your way towards the Daycare doors. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't, I guess I just misunderstood—I wanted to make something memorable for you both, but I think I've ruined that now and I—"

A hand on your wrist stops you. In a swift movement, you're spun around, pulled in close to the Attendant's chest. Their gaze as they stare down at you is softer than you've ever thought possible. 

"Starlight." They say. 

You swallow again. "Yeah?"

"We're going to kiss you now." Their other hand comes up to your cheek, head tilting. "Is that alright?"

It takes you a second to register what they've said. Then—"Oh! O-okay then."

The Attendant bends down, pressing their smile to your lips. After a few, long, exceedingly tender moments, they pull back. 

They must notice how starstruck you are, as they chuckle then, still holding you close. 

"We have something to confess."

The hand on your chin goes to play with your hair. "To be honest, the reason we've never liked the holidays was because we've never had anyone to share it with."

"We've always been on the sidelines, watching as everyone else gets to partake in the festivities. It was, lonely."

Their gaze comes back to your own. "Until you came along, that is."

More heat rushes to your cheeks. 

"You made us realize that this time of year, it means something to so many people. You made it worth all the years that came before, and made us see that there's something special about it, and, about you."

Before you can say anything, they kiss you again, then step back. "We, we have something for you too, if you'll still accept, that is."

"Yes." You say immediately, then clear your throat. "I mean, yes, of course. Why wouldn't I?"

Another chuckle. "You were just about to walk out the door, Sunbeam. We got a little worried."

You giggle, but find yourself speechless as they pull out their gift to you. It's an intricately patterned bracelet, with multiple connections and chains that are woven together so meticulously. The charms seem to glisten in the low light, twinkling like stars.

"We don't um, have access to a lot, in here, but, well, it's what we have." They look up to you then. "Could we, put it on you?"

You nod. "Please."

They're faceplate spins once, and taking hold of your wrist, they attach the bracelet. It jingles and clinks ever so slightly as they take hold of your handing, squeezing gently. 

"I love it." You say after a moment, free hand reaching up to cup their face. "Thank you."

This gives them pause, they turn away, face spinning rather quickly in a way that makes you laugh. You think if possible they'd be blushing. 

You turn their focus back to you, standing on your tiptoes. "So you really meant it? I've changed your mind? Among, um, other things?"

They answer you with another kiss that makes your heart soar. 

"Yes, among other things."

You nod, once, twice. Then—"Sweet."

The comment makes them laugh, and you join in, only being interrupted by another kiss, to your hand, your cheek, and your lips again. And with how tightly they hold on to you, and how warm you feel in that moment, something tells you there's many more to follow. 

Yeah, you'd consider this quiet the success after all, in more ways than one.

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gahh i tried to go for a bit of extra fluff at the end there, hope it turned out alright! Thank you @cosmic-quakes for the super cute request! Hope i did it justice ^-^

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[elvensorceress]

sunday snippet

I meant to have this fic done ages ago but it's now somehow three times as long as it was, I've rewritten it five times, and I'm still working on it 🫠 oh well. have a snippet from snickerdoodles.

@tizniz @hippolotamus @eddiebabygirldiaz @daffi-990 @exhuastedpigeon @spotsandsocks @kejfeblintz @smilingbuckley @sofa-king-lame @chaosandwolves @smilingbuckley @belasmalhotra @bekkachaos @blutterlie @sazanahashi @livinginsunnyhell @epicbuddieficrecs @sparklespiff @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove @dangerpronebuddie continued from Wednesday

Eddie tries again, but still sounds rough and hollowed out. “I don’t want to drag you down. Okay? You should move on and forget me and— and it’ll be better.”

Not so much for Eddie. He’s never let go of anything in his life. It’s all there hiding under the surface, stuffed in cages. But Buck should move on. Buck should survive him. 

Is this their only future? It feels like losing everything. Eddie is losing everything. He’s kidding himself if he thinks he hasn’t already lost Chris. What if Eddie doesn’t survive this time? What will happen to everyone he loves? Everyone who loves him?

Does anyone love him? Does he mean anything to anyone? Has he ever meant anything?

“Forget— I should forget you?” Buck snaps, his anger un-contained fire now, not just a hint of smoldering kindling. Vicious, spitting, sparking, living flames that will turn everything to ashes. 

Maybe they should actually fight and say awful things and then it would be easier to walk away. 

Eddie’s not sure he could even manage that right now. There’s nothing left in him. No fight, no fire. It’s all shattered, scattered pieces. But he would try. If Buck needs that. 

He might need that. He snaps again, “Like you’re a pair of socks that disappeared in the laundry? Or something I meant to pick up at the store and spaced? Like it’s easy? Like you’re nothing? Like this? Us? You and me? Means nothing?”

Okay, when he puts it that way… it sounds dumb. But how else can Eddie stop hurting him? “No,” Eddie says. Not fiery, not loud, not anything. “No. Just. Something that doesn’t—”

“You're my best friend. You— you’re— I’ll let you go. Okay. Whatever. I’ll do that because I know you and I know you need Chris and I get it. I wouldn’t want you to do anything but love him exactly the way you do. But I won’t, will not and can not pretend that you aren’t my best friend and my partner and the person I love more than anything. All right? I’m not going to do that. I’ve spend years—literal— almost a whole decade of years loving you more than anything. I’m not going to just forget that or forget you. I’m not throwing that way. I’m not ever going to lie and say otherwise. This is not a ‘move on and grow out of it’ scenario. I love you more than anything in the world. Okay? You told me I wasn’t expendable and I had to deal with that so you have to deal with this. You mean everything to me and I love you, and that isn’t going to change even when you leave.”

“—hurt you,” Eddie finishes. It doesn’t really sound finished now. He says it because he was already saying it. 

But that the fuck does he say now? 

Eddie doesn’t usually think of himself as small, quiet, or fragile. But he feels like that now. His feeble words sound like it even in his own ears. Small. Inconsequential. Torn apart.

Buck steps back toward him. Not enough that they’re touching, but enough that they’re closer. “Hurt me. Drag me down. I don’t care.”

Eddie recoils. No. No, he hates that idea. He is not doing that. Not intentionally. Not. What the fuck. 

He knows he said the words. He said them because his mother said them and they stuck and haven’t left his head or his heart and it’s all he does. Ruin people he loves. 

Buck shakes his head. “Be in the way. Burden me. Share whatever weight you’re carrying. Be something that stays even if you’re not here. Be part of my life even if it hurts. I don’t care if it hurts, I need you to be something to me. Having nothing of you would be a hundred, thousand, million times worse. I am in this with you. I always have been. Don’t shut me out just to spare me. If you’re facing the fire, I want to be right there with you. Please don’t make me lose everything of you. Please don’t— please. Don’t pretend this is nothing. I can take you leaving, I can’t take this,” he motions between them, “meaning nothing.”

Eddie stares and doesn’t move. And stares harder like it will help him understand. 

He knows he’s breathing still because there’s air. 

Maybe he’s not breathing. But something is making air flow in and out of his body. Like rescue breaths? Supplemental oxygen? It’s not Eddie doing it, he’s not taking in air, but it happens anyway. 

He doesn’t understand. Maybe he never has. Maybe his brain stopped processing information when he stopped breathing because the brain can’t function without oxygen. Something like that. He doesn’t understand. He doesn’t. 

Buck wants something of him even after everything? After all the people who have walked out on him and treated him like he doesn’t matter? Even with how Eddie fails and hurts people who care about him? He means something to Buck? Even though he’s hurting him and abandoning him and losing him? Eddie’s just another person who leaves him. He can’t hurt Buck. He can’t keep doing it. Buck doesn’t deserve this. And Eddie deserves no loyalty, no forgiveness. 

He doesn’t deserve anyone’s love. Not in any form. He shouldn’t have it. He’s never had it. 

“I don’t—” Eddie tries to say. He has to say. He has to make the words come out. “I don’t want to hurt you the way Abby hurt you. I don’t want to do that.” 

Buck shakes his head again and starts to say something.

Eddie beats him to it. “I know it’s not the same. I know I’m not— I know you don’t— It’s different. Still. I know how she hurt you, and I don’t want to do that. I don’t know how to not do that. I’m leaving you here. In my house. Just like she did when she left you. And I have to—” Do the same fucking thing? Give him up? Walk away? Destroy everything they made together? And maybe the only way to survive is to do what Eddie does best and ruin everything? 

He looks back at Buck and doesn’t mean to say it. He wasn’t going to say anything. It doesn’t matter. He doesn’t matter. He should be mean and nasty and he should tell Buck he means nothing, this means nothing, and then Buck can just be justifiably angry and hate Eddie properly. 

And it would spare him. Whatever pain and tragedy that is associated with being near Eddie. It would spare Buck. 

That’s what he should do. 

That would be mercy and kindness. Pick up the weapon and blow this all to hell. 

Eddie can’t breathe. He can’t do this. Any of it. 

He can’t let go. He can’t lose Buck. 

And then he’s suddenly confessing, “I don’t want to do this."

It’s too late. It’s always too late. And what he actually wants has never mattered. He doesn’t matter. He never has. He twists his hands together and has nothing else to hold onto. It’s too late, so none of this matters. Eddie doesn’t matter. But he meets Buck’s lost gaze, stares into his eyes for three seconds, and he can’t keep it in.

“I want to be with Chris. I miss him so much. Every minute of every day. But I don't want to leave here. I don't want this. But it doesn't matter what I want. It never has. The one time I said, 'What about me? Why didn't you think of me?' Chris left. He left because I hurt him. And my dad says, ‘don’t wait thirty years to listen to your son.’ So I listen. I don’t know what the hell else to do. I listen, and I do what all of them ask. Even when it’s the last thing I want and I’ve already said, no, please stop, I need more time, please hear me. They don’t listen to me. I’m still nothing to every single one of them. And I just keep thinking why don’t I ever count? Why don’t I matter even a little bit?

"You think you aren't everything to me, too? Do you think that I don't love you just as much as you love me? But I don’t get to pick you. I don’t get to have anything of you. I hurt everyone I try to love including you and Chris. I’m not enough for anyone, in any way. I can’t love anyone the way they need or the way I’m supposed to. You say you’re defective parts, well I’m fucking broken.

"That’s why you should forget me. I don’t matter. You shouldn’t care. I should mean nothing because I am nothing. I’m not worth this. If I were a better, stronger person, I’d make you hate me. But I can’t even do that. I don’t want to hurt you more. I have to lose you and I don’t know how to lose you. I love you more than anything and it’s not enough. I don’t know what else to do but say, you should move on and forget me.”

Eddie turns away and covers his face, tries to hold his head because it’s aching. It’s too much. That was too much. He’s not supposed to be falling apart. Everything is supposed to be getting better. 

Shards of ice crack and fracture and break underneath him. Everything in the cage around his ribs snaps and he’s crying into his hands, trying to keep it together. Trying and failing. Always failing. His face is already wet. He was already broken. A long time ago. So many times. 

Buck is suddenly behind him. Not distant. Close behind him. He touches Eddie’s back gently and then steps around until he’s standing in front of him. He reaches between them and rests his hand on Eddie’s chest. As if he can stop the never-ending bleeding that’s somehow always pouring from Eddie’s heart. “You are enough, Eddie. You’re more than enough."

[bylerbean77]

EL HOPPER DESERVES BETTER!!

I love Byler sm but I also love El

Poor girl has gone through so much she deserves soooo much better than how mikes treating her

My girl has been in a LAB and got treated like an experiment. She had zero friends and got manipulated by the person she called her father.

She got bullied and it makes my heart ache that she went through all of that. She’s so sweet, funny, smart, pretty and just overall a great character.

I genuinely hate seeing her sad

She just wants someone to love her and I think that she craves platonic love most bc for the whole of her life she had Papa who she thought loved her. But he betrayed her and now she has hopper. I honestly don’t think she’s ready for a relationship/boyfriend right now and that she may need to work on herself and FIND herself again.

She definitely deserves someone to love her romanticly but I don’t think Mikes the one.

He treats her so bad and it pains me to see El upset.

Im not gonna bring Byler in but I definitely think El and Mike shouldn’t continue dating because it’s clear it’s hurting both of them.

Yes ppl can change but the damage as already been done.

El deserves someone who loves her and Mike deserves to love someone.

He clearly doesn’t Love El romantically and he’s kinda being forced to say a lie to someone who he cares about. He doesn’t want to hurt her but at the same time he can’t hurt her without her knowing that he doesn’t actually love her like that.

Mike needs to find someone (cough* cough* Will Byers) who he genuinely loves and gets along with.

He needs someone to Love but El isn’t that girl person

Mileven doesn’t work and is canonically making El upset and unsatisfied.

The chances Byler will happen in my opinion is risky bc the Duffer Brothers could queer bait us and yes there definitely are queer coded signs for mike, it could just be straight up queer bait.

But I’ll say this; Mileven will definitely break up because if they don’t then they’re promoting toxic relationships that don’t work to a wide age audience and I don’t think that’s their message.

[shepscapades]

Contrary to popular belief etho and bdubs are not divorced and in this essay I will

[tetraandtheapples]

Erm!! I did more art!!!!!! My art style is so inconsistent I want to draw more realistically but I'm goofy goober at my core....... Gehahahaha

Also???? Pony Error under cut??????? (and a few error sketches!) Hidden slightly because I'm still a bit unsure about the design RAHH

I think it'd be cool if he had strings all over his body like he was some mangled stupid hasbro official pony plushie...... but the strings were like insanely last minute LMAO so I want to redo it again with that in mind.... when the pony takes me over again.

Transcript for Pony Info (because my handwriting is a bit messy)

PONY INFO!

Strings run along entire body

Used to have a cutie mark, but the file is "lost"

Horn sparks & glitches dangerously when using magic

-> Not harmful to him, but strong emotions can cause it to flare up (basically when the horn starts fuzzing a lot you know he's close to a full-on reboot)

Whatever the hell this thing is core -> (pic of very stupid looking Hasbro official Princess Twilight Sparkle plushie with brushable hair!!!! Batteries not included)

↓ WARNING!!! STUPID IDIOT BELOW!!!!!!! 🆘🆘🆘🆘🆘⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️☢️☢️☢️☢️☢️☢️☢️☢️☢️☣️☣️☣️☣️☣️☣️☣️🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢 ↓

[lavaflowe]

A little comic from my very specific Jiankong AU: SEM arc edition

Shoutout to @relmint for helping me create about 50% of this AU

Inspo:

[ccbatman]

actually so evil how much of hal's internal world gets obliterated with the rewriting of his relationships with jessica and martin.

[pardonmydelays]

i have a confession to make: i'm actually doing better than i ever was

[jrueships]

A HEAARRRRT IS A HOUSE FOR LOOVE AND IVE LEARRNNED THAT IT DONT TAKE MUCH TO BREAK A HEAARTT

sorry I just had to get that out lol I love that damn movie. That film, the temptations film (Paul and Cornbread my loves) and the little richard biopic will always have Leon as one of my fav actors idc idcccc also it took me way too long to find out the five heartbeats weren't a real group 🤣

IS A HOUSE ! FOR LOVE !

And I've LEARNED ( ive leaarnnned!!) 🗣‼️‼️

NO NO, DONT SAY SRRY FOR HAVING GOOD TASTE. NEVER BE SRRY FOR HAVING GOOD TASTE !!!!

ALL ur takes are MWAH. Just MWAH.

PAUL AND CORNBREAD LOL!! THE LOVES!. OUR BEAUTIFUL LOVES!!!. UGH. UGH. IM SO OBSESSED WITH THESE MOVIES. BOTH!! OF THESE GROUPS ARE REAL AS LONG AS U BELIEVE!!!

& i know dresser ran to that limo once he heard Eddie begging for his job back (our poor softie gentleman baritone baby..) but i think somebody should be jt's moral compass bcs duck is just 😭 sick of him

Leon deserved SO MANY MORE major movie roles just by being beautiful and bitchy like . His 50 cent movie cameo was so fucking funny.. TY FOR SAYING THIS. GENUINELY. I AM SO GLAD SOMEONE ELSE LOVES THESE MOVIES TOO. The characters are hilarious and tragic and I am. Infatuated with them all. They all have their lil moments to solidify them as real or to reflect them being real and it's just. Mwah.

Eddie almost at rock bttm begging for his job back bcs he loves music. He Loves. Music. But he has trauma so much trauma but he's Trying. He's trying so hard and then he opens his coat to reveal he still has their old performance uniform but makes a funny noise:

JT:

[all-pacas]

also i’m slowly rereading for the eightieth time asoiaf and i can’t believe people out there still insist jaime isn’t constantly thinking about brienne and her strong thighs. like it’s funny but it’s also such smart writing i just want to go on about it. how he’s got zero self awareness but his chapters are just littered with like. subtext? idiocy? jaime sees something sexual and confuses himself when he thinks immediately of brienne. qyburn tells him brienne is in danger and the next paragraph goes “for some reason jaime was in a bad mood now” like his chapters are so fun

[lovesickeros]

☆ lost in orbit

{☆} characters tsaritsa {☆} notes cult au, drabble, gender neutral reader {☆} warnings violence [ implied ], unhealthy relationship {☆} word count 0.6k

She had resigned herself to apathy – to burying her love beneath the cold, hard soil and letting it rot amongst the graves of a long dead civilization, burned to ash in only a day. Yet how quickly it all fell apart in her hands, slipping through her fingers like sand, no matter how desperately she tried to cling to it.

Was she not diligent enough? Was she so weak that she faltered at the first person who showed her genuine trust and affection? Had all her work been for naught?

A part of her revolts – the same woman who watched the sky burn and the ground beneath her feet crumble into ash. It would be so easy to wrap her hands around your delicate throat, to squeeze until you finally saw her as the monster she knew she has always been.

Yet she doesn't think she could. The look of betrayal, of fear..oh, it would ruin her, she knows.

Perhaps that makes her weak. Perhaps you have made her weak.

Perhaps she does not mind as much as she should.

You trust her, after all – enough to sleep in her bed like she couldn't just kill you before you ever knew what was happening to you. Your body was so..fragile, in this mortal shell you descended in. How easy it would be to snuff out your life, here and now.

Yet she doesn't.

Instead, she looks at you like an old lover – with all the love of a woman who had died in the ashes of a dying civilization, of a woman who thought she could love no longer. Emotions she fought so hard to suppress well up in her chest and fill the empty space where she knows her heart should beat. Try as she might – and oh, how she tries – she can never quite stem the affection that consumes her every waking moment when she sees you.

It is like an addiction that she cannot rid herself of, no matter how she tries. She always finds herself back at square one – back to you.

Her hand lingers against your cheek, undue affection filling the empty spaces in her chest until she feels like cannot breathe. She traces her hand along your jaw, her vision narrowed on the softness of your lips.

Yet that same thought rises unbidden to the forefront of her thoughts. Love was a dangerous thing – you both knew that. To let it fester and rot her from within..she would be throwing her plans out the window, and for what?

Because she was too weak? Because the affection and trust in your eyes whenever your looked at her made her feel whole, like she was more then just an Archon playing God with the fate of the world?

You do not even stir as her thoughts toil like a brewing storm. She swallows the lump in her throat, removing her hand like she'd just touched a piece of hot metal. A part of her still screams that it's for the best, that you've corrupted her enough, torn apart her plans in the span of a week, a mere blink in time..

But it goes silent as she leans in, pressing her lips to your cheek. She will not let the thought fester, tonight – she will let herself be weak, if only for another day. If only to covet the affection that she finds herself drowning in for just another day.

And when you stir, she pretends that she had never thought of it at all, that she has only ever known love with you. Even if her heart that does not beat leaves a stabbing pain in her chest in the agony of knowing that even this is futile..

She lets you wake, let's the recognition and the affection fill your vision until she is all you see – two stars locked in orbit, unable to break away.

And when the day comes that you collide, she will be holding the blade that drives into your chest, and she will know nothing but love when she does.

[brionysea]

this man is pissing me off

[rxttenfish]

starts hyperventilating as i repeat over and over that i have to make miranda and aaravi my ocs already i have to i have to i have to

[standing-flowers]

guess who finally finished the second series of Hannibal x3

I HATE THOSE GAYS I HATE THEM I HATE THEM HOW DARE THEY I SOBBED I BAWLED CURSE THEM I HATE THEM

[boygirlctommy]

love posting about ev and an as if theyre in love. i mean are they? i have no idea. nary a clue