#they got me through some of the worst YEARS of my life

[anonymityisfunwriter]

Question...? The End - “It’s just a question.”

Pairing - Steve Rogers x Reader Summary - After years of back and forth, years of unknowns, a lifetime of questions, it's time for answers.

Question...? Mini Series List | Steve Rogers Masterlist

"Looking back on it..." Steve can't quite find the words to finish the sentence. He shakes his head, "Jesus."

You slightly tip your glass, "We've been through a lot together."

He knows that you're too nice to say what the reality of it is. Steve put you through a lot.

And sure, you two have been through a lot together. All the awkward phases, the growing pains, romantic mishaps, miscommunications, circumstances.

Looking back on it, you were his constant.

Most of the time, you were his only constant.

Rather than staring at the glass in his hand, he keeps his eyes locked on you. There was so much history there. You were right, there were so many times that he could've done more, tried harder. He could've fought for you.

He swallows the lump in his throat, “I don’t know what to say.” 

You shrug, swirling the lonely ice cube in your glass, “I think that was always part of the problem. It’s why we never worked.”

“I - I’m sorry.”

And just like all those times before, you fight to tamp down those feelings that never fail to arise when Steve is near. You've come to accept this. You know this. You and Steve don't work. Accepting that is so much easier than pushing him out of your life. “It’s not like I told you how I felt.” 

Steve knew it wasn't the whole truth. Sure, you'd never out right said that you had feelings for him, but you'd given him so much more than he gave you. And every single time he was too scared of ruining everything that he ran like a coward. 

"But you were the one that held us together. You gave me so much." 

You snort, "Like your first kiss?" 

"I would've waited a hell of a lot longer if it weren't for you. I didn't kiss a single girl in high school." 

"Bullshit." 

"It's true," Steve insists, tipping his glass in your direction. "Ask Bucky. Besides, I was too hung up on you to even look at another girl." 

You shake your head, rolling your eyes, "That's not true." 

"It is. I was just - I was so damn scared of ruining our friendship." 

"Then why did you kiss me at our college graduation?" 

Steve wasn't sure. To this day, he couldn't decide it is was his ultimate moment of weakness or moment of strength. "Better question: Why do you think I broke that dickhead guy's nose last year?" 

"Male ego?" 

"I was jealous," Steve deadpans. "I was so fucking jealous. I was upset because some asshole that was nowhere near good enough took the girl I wanted my whole life. And worst part, I still wasn't brave enough to tell you how I felt."

You slowly exhale, "I think that maybe things worked out the way that they were supposed to. Maybe we just - we weren't meant to be." 

His eyebrows pull together, "Do you really believe that?" 

"I don't know."

“I just - I wish I would’ve put up a fight. I wish I would’ve told you how I felt - how I feel.”

Your eyes snap up, you heart stuttering. “Feel?”

His heart pounds in his chest. This was likely his last chance. His chance to not be a coward. A chance to finally get the girl. “Feel. Present tense.”

Your eyebrows pull in, demanding and curious, “And what do you feel?”

“I feel like I should’ve gone after you after we kissed the first time. Like I should’ve told you that the reason I got so angry you kissed Bucky in high school was because I wanted to be the only person that you kissed. Like I never should’ve left your house that night in college. I feel like I’ve been in love with you since I saw you that very first time.”

“Steve…” you whisper, too choked up to say anything but his name.

“I’ve looked for that feeling everywhere. I’ve looked for that meteor strike everywhere and the only place I’ve found it is with you. You lit up my life. Everyone else, everything else, is second best compared to you.”

“It shouldn’t be this hard, Steve.”

“Then let me carry us for a while. Let me hold us together. Let it be my turn.” He reaches out, his hand gripping yours from across that empty bar stool. He sucks in a soft breath, clearly warring with himself. In this moment, he feels like he did all those years ago. The best friend that was never good enough for the girl. The girl he watched and wanted more than anything. This was his chance to be brave for once, to finally speak now. “I think I've always known.” 

You quirk an eyebrow, “Known what?” 

“I think I’ve known it since we were kids," he continues. He stands up from his bar stool, closing the distance between you and him. He reaches out, his fingers ghosting over your cheeks. "You’re my forever. You’re my endgame. And I’m sorry I didn’t treat you like that. I’m sorry I let things come between us. But I’ve always known that. Even if it scared the shit outta me sometimes. I belong with you. You belong with me. It’s us. That’s how this story ends. It’s us.”

"Steve..." you whisper.

"Can I kiss you?" You suck in a sharp breath as he cups your face, lifting your jaw until your lips ghost over his, "It's just a question."  

You know it's not just a question. Not really. Not anymore. You lick your lips in anticipation, "Is it?" 

"No," he finally admits. "It's an answer." 

Question...? Mini Series List Inspired By Taylor Swift Steve Rogers Masterlist

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[male-duckk]

just found out abt the last beatles song coming out. i’m emotional

[vakariaan]

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I can't imagine a day without you. I can't.

[menlove]

the Issue with getting really back into a band you were obsessed with as a lonely & actively being traumatized 11-13 year old when u associate songs with memories is that. Well. sometimes u associate songs with memories.

[hella1975]

ive got an essay due at 3pm tomorrow and ive not even looked at it i am so so unserious about my degree and by the grace of some higher being i somehow keep managing to crawl through it's actually getting a bit funny

[loveletters-fromthevoid]

B.A.P comeback/ docu announcement on a random ass Wednesday I'm gonna cry

[dissembledthyme]

I wanna draw these guys a bit more often, though I'm extremely out of practice, so it looks wonky as hell LMAO Give me time, I'll get back into the groove of it eventually, for now, take mid art

My stupid moron and his big emo boyfriend

[heybinnie]

feel like a friend just died

[thelunaticghost]

cant wait to get my degree certificate I'm gonna burn that bitch up

[joycrispy]

I don't know if I have any capital-T Thoughts about Doctor Who that anyone would consider worth reading, but I sure do have a lot of capital-F Feelings about Doctor Who.

I feel compelled to share them, so watch out for that, at some point.

[dismalzelenka]

.

[lesbianfakir]

I’m always writing these damn breakup texts at 4 in the morning

[mutalune]

love going on the “hi yeah I haven’t even looked at my inbox/messages for months sorry sorry sorry it’s nothing personal my life’s just been in shambles and I’m starting to pick it back up even though I know I’m gonna drop all the pieces at least 3 more times before the year’s over” shame tour I’mma make t-shirts later for it

[medicinemane]

.

[baelavelaryon]

trying to keep good things that happened this year in my head:

defeated sunk cost fallacy by quitting the job that was only gonna get more toxic

got back into crochet and actually finished a couple of pieces

mixed bag but confronted my friend about how she was making me feel (she did not take this well :^) but like... good riddance.)

started anti-depressants that have actually worked for me (i know it probably doesn't seem like it lmao but trust me)

got my tonsils out!

PARAMORE CONCERT!!!!! 🥳🎉💕

oh! watched yellowjackets for the first time! feels insane because it's easily 20% of my personality now but that was this year

..................................that's it?

anyway sooooo glad this is the end of this year but i want to give it credit for SOME good things

[katyspersonal]

It just will forever baffle me how unfair he has been. He kept constantly blaming me for all that was going wrong in his life, he could get upset to the point of wanting to hurt himself or worse over things as little as me disagreeing with his creative ideas or not wanting to listen to something he wanted to share at the moment, he abandoned his friend he knew for two years because he got interested in me too much to give her enough - and then because he convinced himself she didn't care for him anymore.

And I knew, all along, that I was not right for him. I kept telling him to keep reaching out and seek friends that he'd actually like and actually get along with. I kept insisting that he was doing it to himself by clinging to me where clearly he hated me to the point I could've hurt him by as much as setting up boundaries, having different opinions or having limitations as a human being. I told him that that friend he abandoned still cared for him and he could not just decide FOR her. But over and over, he denied everything and begged me to stay, saying how much he wanted to have future together, how I was like a sister he lost a chance to have, how we were supposed to share life experiences together and how I was the only one that felt "real". I kept sticking around despite the abuse, despite how much he was ruining my mental health and my social life (being abused distances you from even close people), all because I could not stand seeing him so hurt and alone. And the last deceit hurt especially bad, because he made me truly believe him. He said something that made me lose my guard, my focus on the fact that I was just a placeholder in his life until he finds someone fitting.

And just like I kept saying, as soon as he got enough money for good life, his mental health improved upon switching meds or something, he met a new friend and reconnected with that exact one he abandoned earlier - he declared me a dead weight on his life that has only been "killing" him and declared that the almost two years he spent with me were just a bad dream he was happy to finally forget.

I knew all along that the best thing I could do for him was to leave him, but I never did. I should have before he stopped caring for me entirely out of blue, because now he didn't even learn anything. He lost nothing of value in his eyes, just a person that "wasted his time". So what if his current friends """fail""" him again? He'll just seek an outlet in new ones, until they prove "useless" and he'll ditch them too, and so on. Some people just can't appreciate someone's personality, they only value people for what they can give to them. Or.. is it just me? At times I am genuinely annoyed when people tell me I am a valuable person and anyone who can't love and appreciate me is an idiot, because on the contrary, in my life all people that despised me and saw me as a waste of their time the most were all high IQ, very well-read and educated, very sophisticated individuals. Clearly, there is a correlation between being very smart and deeming me as human garbage - in a way jealous haters, hypocritical control freaks and callous ableists I've met online never could.

Honestly, sometimes I should decide for someone else. I always knew he hated me and splitting with me was to the better for him, but I let his tears and clinginess force me to feel bad and go back every time. And to doubt that maybe I was the delusional one and could not be sure of someone else's needs. Honestly, guys - when you are given every single indication that you are hated and only kept around out of their fear of loneliness and low self-esteem... it is all there is. It is not a situation where you should listen to your heart, to hope or to give benefit of the doubt. Being abused is something you can only comprehend with mind and knowledge, there is no bigger story and no intricate matters.

Still, I hate how as painfully stupid and naive for my age as I am, I've been able to understand things way more correctly than a much older, much more mature person with high intellect and tons more of life experience. I was right all along, but I hate being right sometimes. And I hate always being discarded as soon as people's lives improve. I hate always being just a placeholder. Apparently, no one whose life is good would ever want to burden themselves with me.