#they fucking COOKED

[msmarycrawley]

I am still reeling from last nights episode of Agatha All Along…I know it sounds funny bc I am literally watching a Marvel show and I like Marvel stuff but seriously I didn’t think that they could pull off an episode like that ever. Like that episode was an actual masterpiece

[reiketsui]

i can't spend one day of my life without being abnormal about some niche special interest characters. i've spent two nights obsessing over the rocket exec names in every language.

[ashersbraincell]

I genuinely need a moment to process my emotions because wtf/pos

[abookblog]

Ok look. I’m an Elder Millennial and I know we have our quirks but I honestly want to know something.

[zillychu]

everyone sh. shutd up im cooking smthn

[spyglassrealms]

had a fucking hilarious dream that tumblr replaced the "block" function with the far funnier "glock" function, which did the exact same thing except whenever anyone blocked you a random bullet hole, like a png of a bullet hole, would appear on your blog. discourse blogs were unreadable bc you'd go to the page and the sheer amount of bullet hole pngs stacked over the blogs obscured everything. I woke myself up laughing

[ardri-na-bpiteog]

Also increasingly aware that a LOT of people "manage" getting through the 40+ hour work week by sleeping less than is healthy and relying on stimulants like coffee and energy drinks to keep them going.

For people who are unwilling or unable to do this...work really does just dominate your life. Like we really should not have to rely on unhealthy practices just to have a social life or keep on top of housework or whatever.

I know I post about this a lot but I'm so TIRED all the time and it's just so depressing that this is how we're expected to spend the one life we have.

[zmpl]

i’m not posting the actual tiktok because it involves another patient being recorded without their knowledge and clearly not doing okay but y’all we were so close to mental illness being destigmatized. we were so close but now the general public sees mental illness as two separate groups - the quirky relatable depression and anxiety, and the weird cringy scary schizo-spectrum disorders, ocd, personality disorders, and so on. #mentalhealthmatters as long as it’s not one of those weird scary illnesses

[nebulousfishgills]

Listen, Otto realizing that he helped put a moron on the Iron Throne and then going through the five stages of grief before dipping is peak comedy, bro really fucked around and then found out.

[giantkillerjack]

I think Gastronauts on Dropout is the cooking show that has made me truly appreciate the skill of professional chefs more than any other cooking show.

Like I don't know if it's because the challenges are so crazy or the fact that the judges don't have any professional input whatsoever (they're all comedians), but the combination of how utterly stoked the judges are to be eating this food and how creative the chefs get to be really works to make you marvel at just how skilled a professional chef has to be.

Other cooking shows always have a level-voiced narrator listing out shit like,

"Rebecca is doing a praline-mint ganache with a Twiffly Street stir-up, combined with a gestelle Santa Maria sponge technique."

And it's fun to pretend like, 'Ah, yes. Of course! A classic of the genre! He'd be a fool not to!' as though I know anything about cooking or baking.

But on Gastronauts, it's a bunch of comedians who would really graciously appreciate some fancy food, watching chefs cook and going, like,

"What is that? What is he doing?? It's like- like a swishy thing! Like a fancy swishy thing!!"

"OH MY GOD YES, HE'S USING ONIONS."

"Ooo! Crunchies!??"

And then the chefs get to come out and formally present their food, which makes them look very smart. And these actors who generally can't afford Michelin star cuisine are just :DDDD!

And it's like, oh yeah. This is about my level, yes. This conveys how normal people who don't eat good food for a living would actually react. And it's super chill. It's good vibes, that show. 👌

[dragonpyre]

Fav thing about 9-1-1 are the character quirks

The captain is basically a five star chef. This doesn't affect the plot at all, he just really loves cooking

The senior paramedic loves karaoke. He snagged his hot wife this way

Second paramedic could have been a doctor. She decided not to cuz she loves her bestie too much

The bisexual boy is probably suicidal. This is never addressed

The bisexual's bestie has repressed every emotion ever known to man. This explodes in his face very impressively

[snailfen]

someone's definitely drawn this already because this is literally how it ended

[inkskinned]

probably time for this story i guess but when i was a kid there was a summer that my brother was really into making smoothies and milkshakes. part of this was that we didn't have AC and couldn't afford to run fans all day so it was kind of important to get good at making Cool Down Concoctions.

we also had a patch of mint, and he had two impressionable little sisters who had the attitude of "fuck it, might as well."

at one point, for fun, this 16 year old boy with a dream in his eye and scientific fervor in heart just wanted to see how far one could push the idea of "vanilla mint smoothie". how much vanilla extract and how much mint can go into a blender before it truly is inedible.

the answer is 3 cups of vanilla extract, 1/2 cup milk alternative, and about 50 sprigs (not leaves, whole spring) of mint. add ice and the courage of a child. idk, it was summer and we were bored.

the word i would use to describe the feeling of drinking it would maybe be "violent" or perhaps, like. "triangular." my nose felt pristine. inhaling following the first sip was like trying to sculpt a new face. i was ensconced in a mesh of horror. it was something beyond taste. for years after, i assumed those commercials that said "this is how it feels to chew five gum" were referencing the exact experience of this singular viscous smoothie.

what's worse is that we knew our mother would hate that we wasted so much vanilla extract. so we had to make it worth it. we had to actually finish the drink. it wasn't "wasting" it if we actually drank it, right? we huddled around outside in the blistering sun, gagging and passing around a single green potion, shivering with disgust. each sip was transcendent, but in a sort of non-euclidean way. i think this is where i lost my binary gender. it eroded certain parts of me in an acidic gut ecology collapse.

here's the thing about love and trust: the next day my brother made a different shake, and i drank it without complaint. it's been like 15 years. he's now a genuinely skilled cook. sometimes one of the three of us will fuck up in the kitchen or find something horrible or make a terrible smoothie mistake and then we pass it to each other, single potion bottle, and we say try it it's delicious. it always smells disgusting. and then, cerimonious, we drink it together. because that's what family does.

[puttingwingsonwords]

Dracula scrambling around the castle pretending to be his own servants is so important in showing that aside from being a super powerful evil vampire-sorcerer he is also a huge loser

[specsthesecond]

Hate sex with a werewolf would be so hot.

The whole time you're fucking it's so primal and heated. You bite, grab, wrestle, pull and push each other. Snarling the occasional insult in-between heavy moans and frantic breaths.

When he finally thrusts his knot all the way in; your whole body seizes up, you grip his shirt so hard your fingers burn, eyes squeezed shut as a silent scream leaves you.

He grabs your face and presses you further into the mattress, he doesn't have the brain capacity to form actual words in that moment but you know what he wants just from how he's glaring at you.

He wants you to look him in the eyes while he pumps your womb fill, fucking bastard. If you were the type to back down easily you wouldn't be in this situation right now so you accept his challenge with vigor.

You tug harder on his shirt pulling him down so his face is inches away from yours. You look him in his animalistic eyes as you clench your walls around his fat knot. He snarls out in both pain and pleasure, the need to cum is so overwhelming, his thrusts get sloppy and even more erratic. His hot heavy breaths mix with your own as you both pant heavily, never breaking the heated eye contact as you both finally climax.

Thrust after thrust, he pumps his hot cum into your cunt. The werewolf above you pants heavily letting his drool fall to your cheek. You break eye contact to glance at his sharp canines, the same ones that have pierced your skin many times before. He brings his hand to wipe the spit off your cheek, making you look back into his pretty eyes.

Before you can decipher what exactly you see in them, he rolls over bringing you along so that you're lying on his chest.

Now comes the least favourite part of the whole ordeal: waiting for his knot to go down. After the first time, you both tried to separate too early and that ended up hurting both of you and just made him more swollen, meaning it took even longer to deflate.

You hate this part, you really do. Now you're forced to stay as close to each other as physically possible. Forced to feel his breaths even out and hear his heart beat as you lay your head on his chest. Forced to endure the silence that always follows, after all your anger and lust has dissipated and all that's left is calm breathing and the shuffling of sheets.

He's so damn warm, his warmth covers you inside and out. He complains every time about being too hot and sweaty yet doesn't make an effort to push you away from his chest. Likewise, you always complain about the bruises he leaves on your hips but you never slap his hands away when he lightly rubs the sore area.

You're just passing the time until his knot goes down though, totally nothing else happening. Don't even worry about it haha.

˖⋆࣪ ִֶָ☾.*

[procrastinationstationn]

horny but like for intimacy