#they deserve the best parents

[satoru-nintendo]

I’m not addressing gojos letters because I don’t want to think about the fact that he sat down and KNEW he wasn’t gonna make it out but had full faith in those kids, I don’t want to think about him knowing that Megumi would have to live forever with the knowledge that Sakuna used him to kill Gojo and he purposely wrote a cute silly message (sowwy with a lil drawing of him) hoping (and succeeding) to make Megumi laugh especially after all he went through, how he sought out Nobara’s family cause he is estranged from his and he wants a better life for those kids than the life he had. And not to circle back to the whole killing all the elders of jujitsu society cause he wanted to protect the kids he is just sooo fundamentally good Ok DAMN I AM CRYING THINKING ABOUT IT

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Words Collide

[First] Prev <--> Next

[firewasabeast]

The Dinner

This is going to end up being a 4 part series on Meeting the Parents, where each part can be read individually. You can read on ao3, or continue below.

It was a few months after the wedding before Margaret and Phillip could get back to Los Angeles for another visit. They arrived two days before Halloween, wanting to go around the neighborhood trick or treating with Jee. It was the first year she'd really understand the holiday, and they were excited to experience it with her.

On their first night in town, Tommy and Buck were coming over for dinner.

While Tommy had briefly met them at the wedding, it wasn't more than a handshake and a hello before Jee was pulling her grandparents in one direction, and Evan was pulling him in another.

And now Buck was playing with Jee in the living room while Tommy helped plate the rolls.

“How do you feel about officially meeting the Buckley parents, Thomas?” Chimney asked, leaning against the counter.

“I was fine until Evan woke me up with a powerpoint presentation on what to and not to do.”

Maddie, who was fiddling at the table, looked over at Buck. “He's joking, right?”

Buck shook his head. “You can never be too prepared.”

Maddie rolled her eyes before turning to Tommy, a smile on her face. “Don't worry about it, Tommy. They've mellowed a lot over the past few years. Not perfect, obviously, but better.”

“Is that why you've reset the table five times?” Chimney asked, grabbing a bottle of wine from the fridge.

“Hush.” She tilted her head, staring at the centerpiece before moving it slightly to the left. “Seriously, Tommy. You'll be fine.”

There was a knock, and Jee squealed as she jumped up and ran to the door.

Everyone trailed after her, Tommy moving to Buck's side.

After a prolonged hello to Jee, they greeted Maddie and Howie before moving on to Buck.

“Hi Mom, Dad,” he said, a hug for his mom and handshake for his dad. “You remember-”

“Thomas,” Tommy interrupted, holding out his hand to Margaret first. “Nice to see you again, Mr. and Mrs. Buckley.”

Buck but at his lip, trying to prevent himself from bursting into laughter. It was so interesting seeing Tommy like this. He was usually so calm, cool, and collected. His nerves very rarely appeared, so it was like a special treat when they did.

“Oh, come here,” Margaret said, bypassing his hand and wrapping him in a hug.

Tommy returned it, looking at Chimney with wide eyes.

Chimney himself looked surprised too, which felt like a good sign.

Once Margaret was finished, Phillip shook Tommy's hand. “Good to see you too, Thomas.”

They settled in and Tommy took what felt like the first breath since this morning. Maddie grinned at him with two thumbs up, which made him feel even more relaxed.

He'd never been so anxious to meet the parents of someone he was with before. Honestly, he'd only done it a couple of times. Once in high school, when he met the parents of the girl he took to prom. She ended up ditching him for her friends about halfway through the dance, so he never had to see them again.

Then there was Joey's parents. A guy he'd dated on and off after he first came out. They were... not a good match, but he just so happened to be at Joey's house when his mom showed up out of the blue. One awkward brunch later, he and Joey broke up for good a few minutes after she walked out the door.

Maybe that's why he was so nervous. The two times he'd met someone's parents, it ended in a breakup.

He couldn't think like that right now though.

Everything would be fine. He could do this.

*****

Dinner went surprisingly smooth. Most of the attention had been on Jee during dinner, but she got bored before dessert and headed into her bedroom to play.

That's when the questions started coming in.

“So, Thomas, Ev- Buck mentioned you also work for the fire department,” Margaret began, “but at a different station?”

Tommy nodded. “Yes, Ma'am. I'm a pilot at Harbor Station. It's about twenty minutes from the 118... or an hour with the traffic,” he added, getting a laugh from both Buckley parents.

“Dangerous job,” Phillip noted. “Rewarding though, I'm sure.”

“Oh, yes, Sir. Very rewarding.”

“So, you and Buck don't ever really get to see each other at work?” Margaret asked.

“Sometimes. I work ground ops every once in a while and we'll see each other. But when I am in the air, Evan likes to take pictures and send them to me,” he added, smiling over at Buck.

Margaret and Phillip shared a glance. Even out of the corner of Buck's eye, he could see his parents looking at one another. He knew they were silently discussing the fact that Tommy gets away with calling him by his given name. Something he'd steadfastly reminded them not to do.

He waited, heartbeat rising, for them to bring it up.

Instead, Margaret smiled. “So, how'd you two meet?”

"He flew us through a hurricane to rescue Cap and Athena."

"Buck." Maddie eyed him, a silent why would you say that?

He knew how protective his parents were. How they hated to think of him in danger. How saying something like that could cause tension between all of them, especially with Tommy.

Buck simply shrugged. "It's true."

"It's alright," Margaret reassured them. "Phillip and I are learning to come to terms with the fact that the job Buck has is a dangerous one. But life's a risk, right? We- We know you're taking every precaution to be safe."

Tommy reached out and rested his hand on Buck's thigh. "Yes," he agreed. "And technically we didn't fly through the hurricane, we flew through the outskirts of a hurricane."

"And Tommy's overly qualified," Chimney chimed in, for good measure. "That's why I asked him to take us. It's also why I claim to be matchmaker."

"Well, seeing as you're all in one piece," Phillip said, folding his hands on the table. "Why don't you tell us more about this helicopter-matchmaking adventure?"

The conversation continued for a while. It wasn't all focused on Tommy, thankfully. They went around the table swapping stories and sharing anecdotes. They never even batted an eye when Tommy moved his hand to Evan's back, rubbing softly. He did it almost unconsciously, nearly freezing up when he realized it. He had been told that the Buckley's weren't homophobic. But it was one thing to not care with other people, and another to not care with your own kid. However, their reaction, or lack thereof, was the final confirmation that Tommy needed to know everything was okay and they truly didn't mind.

*****

When it was time for Jee to head to bed, she demanded Uncle Tommy fly her to the room like a “helichopter” so, of course, he did. Then she demanded her mommy, daddy, and Uncle Buck read her a story together, so Tommy headed back out to the living room with the Buckley's to sit and chat.

“She calls you Uncle Tommy,” Margaret said, nearly beaming.

Tommy smiled. “Yeah, that started a couple months ago. I think she knows it's a surefire way to get me to say yes to whatever she asks. Evan jokes me about it all the time.”

“Okay, I have to ask-”

“Margaret,” Phillip warned.

She waved him off. “I'm just asking.” She leaned in close, almost like she was about to reveal some deep, dark secret.

Tommy sure hoped that wasn't it. He'd heard all about their last deep, dark secret.

“He lets you call him Evan. How'd you manage that?”

Tommy fought to hide his grin. “That's how he introduced himself when we met,” he explained. “Once I realized no one else ever called him that, I tried calling him Buck, but he gave me a funny look and told me to stick with Evan.”

Tommy knew Evan didn't hate his name. Knew others called him by it sometimes. He also knew that his parents calling him Buck was important to him. A way to show they were finally listening to what he wanted, and they were respecting him.

Tommy almost expected this to be where the trouble came in. Maybe this is where the Buckley's stuck up their nose and asked what made him so special? Evan had warned him about it during the presentation that morning.

They didn't do that though. Instead they looked... happy? Excited even.

“You a basketball fan?” Phillip asked, opting for a change of subject.

“Yes, Sir. Love it.”

“Professional or college?”

“I prefer professional, but I watch both.”

“I've been wanting to go to a game for years, but it's a little boring to go alone. We're coming back in a couple months for another visit. You and I should find a game.”

“I'd love that.” Tommy couldn't seem to agree fast enough. The fact that his boyfriend's dad actually wanted to hang out and spend time with him made him feel like he was in a dream world. “I think the Lakers usually play in Vegas that time of year. I could fly us out for a game,” he offered with a shrug. “I go there pretty regularly.”

“Uh oh,” Margaret joked. “Wrong thing to say. He'll be taking you up on those offers all the time.”

“That's fine with me,” Tommy assured her. “I love to fly. Evan and I go on little trips every time we have a few days off together. He's always finding new places for us to go within a couple hours of here.”

“Tell you what,” Phillip said, tipping his beer toward Tommy, “you fly us there, the tickets are on me.”

“Oh, you don't-”

“No, no. I insist.”

“Just nod and say okay,” Margaret faux-whispered.

Tommy laughed, but nodded. “Okay. Sounds good.”

“Good. Now, if you'll excuse me,” Phillip said, setting his beer on the coffee table before he went to stand. “I need to use the restroom. Be right back.”

Once Phillip had rounded the corner to head down the hall, Margaret scooted closer to Tommy, a smile playing on her face. “You don't go by Thomas, do you?”

Tommy let out a breathy laugh. “No, Ma'am. No, I don't.”

She nodded. “I figured. Tommy, then, right?”

“Yes, Ma'am. Thomas is fine though, if you prefer it.”

She reached over and patted him on the arm. “No, Tommy is what you go by, Tommy is what you'll be called. And please, call me Margaret, and my husband Phillip. No need for formalities.”

“Yes, Ma'- Margaret.”

“You're a good man, Tommy,” she said, her face serious but sincere. “You're good for Buck.”

Tommy could feel his heart swell. “I'd argue he's good for me.”

“You're good for each other,” she compromised. “I've never seen him so happy, so settled. He may think I don't know him, and maybe I don't as well as I should, but I know that.” A happy blush rose on her cheeks. “I have a funny feeling you'll be calling us Mom and Dad sometime soon.”

Tommy felt overwhelmed. He'd never expected her to say anything like that, but he loved the sound of it. He was right near having to blink back tears as Buck walked out into the living room. “Jee caught Dad on his way out from the bathroom,” he said to his mom. “She's asking for you now.”

“Off I go,” Margaret said with a giggle, giving Tommy another pat before she got up and left.

Buck sat down beside Tommy, tilting his head when he saw the dazed expression on his face.

“You okay?” he asked, wrapping Tommy's arm up in his.

Tommy smiled at him, then leaned over and gave him a kiss.

“Mm,” Buck moaned in surprise, the kiss ending with a pop. “What was that for?”

“I just... I've had a really good night. And I love you.”

Buck snuggled closer to him, laying his head on his shoulder. “I love you too.”

As he rested there, Buck went over the night in his head. There had been no awkward moments. No moments where Buck felt embarrassed or upset.

Tommy never had to defend him or himself.

They had even managed to be alone with Tommy for an extended period and Tommy seemed... happy about it?

His parents actually got along with Tommy really well.

Buck was glad.

He was glad his parents liked Tommy.

There was no problem.

He wasn't jealous at all.

Honest.

[priceofreedom]

#Elmyra approving of Zack makes me so happy 😭 FF7 Rebirth 20 / ?

[the-goodkhush]

bro whoever designed the spider-man 2099 to be fucking feral looking needs a raise!! he looks like he’s about to tear miles into shreds for having parents that are in peak physical and mental health! NOT ONLY DOES HE HAVE RED EYES HE GOT FANGS???? BRO MILES YOU BETTER APOLOGIZE RN IDK DUDE HE LOOKS LIKE HES GONNA PUT YOU IN A BLENDER AND THEN FUCKING WRECK THE BLENDER!! HE WAS ON ALL FOURS BRO HES MAD MAD

[steviesbicrisis]

First and last episode of Silvia uses her degree on tumblr:

✨ Steve's house is ugly as fuck ✨

You might see this picture and think "what are you on about? it's not so bad!!" and I would agree with you, since the pool, the lights and the huge windows on the ground floor are doing the most at making this house look very nice and expensive.

But then, I saw this

this is the front of the house... THE FRONT OF THE HOUSE! THIS FLAT MF WITH THE MOST BASIC ASS WINDOWS IS SUPPOSED TO BE THE FIRST THING EVERYONE SEES???

And like, I know this is season 1, they were on a budget and this house isn't as important as the Wheelers or the Byers but I have an hyperfixation on Steve Harrington so I simply cannot let this one slide.

There are a lot of things that bother me about this house: the flatness of this entrance (seriously, never heard of a porch???), those boring windows, the fact that the house is basic but then you have that expensive-looking front door and those huge windows in front of the pool?? it seems as if they merged two houses together???

Now, I know we all joke about Steve having a lot of spare bedrooms but like, this house is huge???

LOOK AT THIS? is this really a suitable home for three people? You could fit all Hawkins after the earthquake in here, jc. They actually do have 400 spare bedrooms.

But then I realized, half of this is actually empty.

This is the best part of the house, let's be fucking honest. Finally some rich features in here. But also, this means that half the house doesn't have a second floor but just a huge living space on the ground floor with a double high which is very rich of you Harringtons, wasting half of the second floor just for the sake of aesthetic.

(Also, that exposed wood roof is gorgeous but the color... meh.)

At this point you might think that this house isn't actually that bad.. let me remind you that this house contains this room:

I rest my case.

[undertheredhood]

jason todd at all times: y'know, i think i'm doing pretty good for myself as someone who's had four parents that i was never enough for.

[wyvernne]

i keep thinking about how much blame i see being put on diluc about attacking kaeya and it drives me absolutely nuts that he’s painted unequivocally as the bad guy. i absolutely don’t think that is the purpose of that story at all. it’s about two kids, agonized by guilt and grief and horribly misplacing those emotions. kaeya went to diluc knowing it wouldn’t end well. diluc had just killed his own father. i feel like it’s wild to expect any sort of normal reaction beyond blinding anger. the point is, this is not meant to be a “who is in the wrong” backstory. it’s about two young men who, faced with a series of terrible circumstances, lost their last remaining familial connection. and in the current story, we’re seeing the clumsy, stilted journey the two make towards reconciliation.

[girlrandomstuff]

No I don't think a lot of people understand when I say Bail and Breha Organa are criminaly underrated.

This two knew the freaking most important and dangerous secrets in the entire galaxy. They BOTH knew about the rebelion, knew about important imperial figures that supported the rebelion in secret, they knew about the Alliance plans and next steps, they were SO DEEP into it. And they BOTH knew about Vader, they knew that he was once Anakin Skywalker, that he had a relationship with Padme and had two children together, they knew what happen on Mustafar, they knew the location of the other twin, they knew about Palpatine being a Sith, and they hide Leia from Palpatine and Vader for 20 freaking years, and they did it like it was nothing, like it was another family thing.

[ancha-aus]

RealAgeAU Drabble - Storm

What is this?! Two drabbles a day?! (it is more likely then you think @spotaus)

Just this once. mostly because the other one give me ideas for this one! :D It was just meant to be a tiny bit of an intermission or a quick overview to show a bit of where we left off... I got no chill as always.

Ironically this is happening a week after Godly Lessons. Timeline is: Nightmare got deaged 6 months ago. The guys have been in Farmtale for 3 months.

First Drabble Prev Drabble Next Drabble

Also ssshhhh don't worry about the few implications in here. Maybe I am just being silly. Maybe stuff will be expanded on. :3

*---------------------*

Dust feels the static in his being. His magic is charged and he needs to move. It has been building a while now and it needs to be released.

He regretfully lets go of Nightmare and manages to maneuver his way out of their nest. He stands by the side for a moment to make sure all four are still asleep.

They sleep on and Dust quickly leaves towards the exit and their small porch.

Dust holds the railing tightly as he breaths out. He glances up and sees the clouds start to circle and swirl. That is probably not good.

Yeah he can feel his magic building. He needs to go release some and-

"Dusty?"

Dust stops and turns around "Nightmare. You should still be in bed."

Papyrus snarls in his ear, soft with Nightamre this close but almost like static Great job! you woke the baby! Once to be expected! Just wait until he goes near and you hurt him-

Nightmare is suddenly by him and hugs him. THen he looks up sleepily at him. He rubs his socket and yawns "Storm?"

There was never another option. Dust leans down adn picks him up before giving him a tight hug, careful to make sure Nightmare doesn't lose his small octopus doll, "Yeah. I think I am making it worse." Nightmare is wearing Cross's shirt this time. It looks way too big and more like a sleeping dress than anything. It is cute.

Ngihtmare frowns but seems to get it "Overcharged?" he pushes closer against Dust.

Dust looks to the side but nods "Yeah. Need to release some steam." he puts Nightmare down again.

Nightmare frowns "Can't i come wiht?" he reaches for him again. Dust wants to pick him back up so badly.

Dust laughs and shakes his skull "probably better if you don't."

Nightmare frowns as he rubs his side "I can't help?"

Dust nudges him back to the door "It is okay. Easy fix for me. I will be back real soon."

NIghtmare frowns at him "promise?" a pinkie held up with a stubborn look on the tiny face.

Dust nods as he finishes the pinkie promise "promise."

That puts Nightmare at ease a bit and Dust walks off the porch and by the side of the house. He follows the path deeper into the field nearby.

----

Dream hugs himself in his sleep. A storm going over Omegaverse and he hates the sound.

He always hated storms and lightning and thunder. He hated it even more now that he doesn't have Nightmare with him anymore.

Nightmare used to hold him through ever storm. To reassure him it was fine and that mother would keep them both safe.

He is gone now.

Dream shakes his skull as he holds the sides "he isn't gone. he isn't gone. he isn't gone." he can't be gone. he can't be!

there is no way right?

Dream rolls unto his back and stares at the ceiling. tears still leaving his sockets as he hears another crash from thunder.

He messed up but he can't even apologise. everything is falling apart around him nad he doesn't know how to pick up the pieces or even start fixing the things that are broken.

He had searched the last few days for any sign of Nightmare. Or any of the gang. but no one.

Blue had offered that if Nightmare was wounded or sick that it would make sense for them to stay put. For them to remain in their base or hideout or anything. If only he knew where-

He sits upright. Wait. If the magic of the apples is disappearing... and if it is gone for as long as they don't pick a new domain... Does that mean that whatever hid his universe shoudnt hide it anymore?!

Dream focusses for a moment and feels the magic of the multiverse. he thinks of his brother. the one that had kept the balance and guarded the negativity. the one who took others in and made a team-

It connects. He feels a path along the multiverse.

Dream feels his hope return as he rushes around his small house to get ready. he grabs his things and his staff, mostly to help him focus his magic, and grabs his phone. he calls Blue as he gets dressed.

One short conversation later and Blue is next to him, just barely dressed and looking a bit dishuffled as he yawns but there!

Dream lets the portal connect as he rubs down his clothes nervously. He packed food and medicine and extra clothes and he isn't sure what his brother will need but he is going to sit by him. apologise. listen to nightmare yell and scream at him for being a blind idiot. apologise again and hopefully they can talk.

Blue rubs his shoulder as the portal opens up.

They step through it together and enter a dark forest. it looks old and a glance upwards shows it is dark but still stormy.

Dream feels shaky as he hugs himself "makes sense! Night loved the rain and storms!" he rubs his arms. deep breaths. deep breaths.

Blue takes his hand "You sure this is a good idea?" he looks worried "If he really is hurt as you think he is the others may not take kindly to you barging in and.. .well... you are weaker... don't you want to clal Ink as extra backup?"

Dream shakes his skull "ink can be... insensitive... if Ngihtmare is hurt he won't like to be seen like that by others..." probably. Dream doesn't get why he thinks he still feels like he knows his twin.

Blue frowns but accepts it "Just as long as you are ready to leave. if things go wrong..."

They follow the path and it leads to a beautiful old castle. but it looks really old and poorly maintained and... and... abandoned..

Dream walks closer quickly and opens the unlocked door. A glance around confirms what he had thought. It was the right place, or it had been as it was now empty.

The storm outside just grows louder.

--

It didn't make sense.

Reaper goes to the next universe as he does his job to reap the souls. weird another storm in this one.

Reaper shakes his skull nad concentrates on the actual issue for now. He had been thinking about what Dream had said. about what he had feared.

He even checked with his brother.

Nightmare isn't dead. That much he is sure.

Nightmare is a god, if he had been dying it would have been his job to reap him. As any god dying is a big deal. Especially if they are talking about permanently dying and not just reviving again which a lot of gods do.

Meaning he isn't dead. And Asgore already said that Dream isn't a god of balance anymore. Meaning that most likely neither is Nightmare.

But where is he?

That part doesn't make sense.

From the view interactions Reaper and Ngihtmare had had Reaper had always thought that Nightmare was rather on top of knowing his duties as god and what he was suposed to do.

Reaper would assume that would mean that Nightmare would know that he would have to decide on a new domain.

Then again, Dream hadn't known so maybe Nightmare doesn't know this part of god knowledge either. Hell Reaper didn't even know this was possible.

If that is the case and Nightmare just thinks he finished what he needed to do he is most liekly hiding somewhere. Either alone or with his gang.

Reaper does regret not trying to figure out how close the gang is now. It is possible that they are very close and are still all together moving as an unit. The other option is that Nightmare noticed what was happening and decided to leave on his own after disbanding the gang.

But then why wouldn't that already be old news at this point? Gang members have been seen around the multiverse, at least a few months ago still. But no one ever said a word about nightmare and people just assumed they had been doing missions for him.

Reaper flies over the runaway soul and reaps it before it can try to escape again. job done.

He sighs as he portals away again. leaving the sound of thunder behind to search for the next universe he needed to do stuff in.

It is a matter of time before the multiverse realised what happened. and reaper is not looking forwards to that mess.

*--------------*

First Drabble Prev Drabble Next Drabble

[pharawee]

I won't listen to anyone ever again who tells me to let you go. I deeply apologize from the bottom of my heart. No leaving. No running away. No backing down. I'll never stop loving you. This is my promise to you.

[and-stir-the-stars]

Hc that the first person Virgil says "i love you" to is Thomas, not any of the other sides

Still thinking through how it would happen. Maybe Thomas and Virge are talking, Thomas frustrated with how bad his anxiety has been lately and trying to work WITH Virge to figure it out. And Thomas says something like "i wish I knew why you were doing this" and Virgil snaps out "because i love you, okay?!" without really thinking, bc it's been a long time since Virge has had to really filter himself around Thomas

[feytouched]

i had to put down my darling dog chess today because of a sudden spleen tumor rupture. utterly devastated

[houseswife]

doomed tragic yaoi is all fun and games until you start pondering the Life They Could’ve Had

[the-nihilistic-rhapsodaire]

Before Roier, Jaiden, and everyone else said their final goodbyes to Bobby, they all went on an adventure to the dungeon where Bobby died together. It was like Bobby was there along with them, on one final adventure.

Bobby loved adventures.

Rest in peace Bobby.

Thank you for everything.

[yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit]

Both my parents actually suffer from HORRID emotional dysregulation and are prone to snapping and going into rages. My sister is the same way tbh. I am now realizing this is why they are constantly baffled by the question of whether or not I am mad at them.

I don't have external meltdowns.

I could. I don't let it happen.

I keep my rage on the inside and stay pretty quiet about it. It's just as strong as theirs [physically shaking nose bleed from high blood pressure kind of bad], but like as a kid I saw how terrifying it was to be around [dad breaking dishes, mom putting our lawn chairs into walls] and I just internalized that I wasn't going to wear that anger on the outside.

So my mother genuinely cannot tell if I am just being quiet or if I am silently hearing the dial-up noises of pure rage. This has lead her to both making strong and confident statements like "You are a pacifist who would never hurt a fly U.U" but also acting like I am secretly dangerous maybe... It's because she has never seen me snap.

She knows what her temper is like [throwing chairs through walls], she knows what my father's temper is like [pick up child and toss out door], and she can tell I am being tested, but she doesn't know what happens when I snap or where that breaking point is.

Her -perhaps unhinged- solution to this, my whole life, has been to do things that should obviously enrage me or shut me down completely, like ignoring important boundaries, repeatedly, punishing me for expressing emotions or needs at all, etc... And then to constantly ask me if I am angry with her when I get too quiet [right after near directly telling me to shut up].

It has occurred to me now, they have never once seen me lose my temper, so they literally just can't tell if I am angry at them. My sister is easy, my mother fights and screams with my sister constantly, my mother understands this. My mother doesn't have any grasp of feelings or boundaries that are not screamed at her [apparently, and I fear my sister is the same way]. Her and my sister are close despite constant fucking fighting because they understand each other.

They are trying to get me to engage the same way and it is not working. I realize now that this has been hard for them.

I was so successfully taught to suppress my emotions, by being punished for any outburst, that rage quiet looks the same as any other kind of quiet from the outside. To them anyway.

I did tell her. For the record. I used my words. I did tell her very calmly that my response to rage, in order to avoid doing the things that terrified me as a child, was to simply leave [the autistic urge to GTFO]. When a situation or person causes too much of the dial-up rage noise, I simply extract myself from that situation, up to and including never speaking to a person again. I explained this calmly. I explained it calmly 100 times and I explained that I explain myself calmly as my rage response 1-5 [also pretty much every other negative emotion tbh], and I told her that what came next was me simply opting out and fucking off. I told her this. I couldn't understand why she never took me seriously, or why she never fucking understood.

I couldn't understand what made her like this.

But it's the same problem I have with everyone else multiplied by a factor of 10.

If I am explaining myself calmly, they can't understand that it's actually serious or that I am actually upset. ESPECIALLY because they read me as "female" and women "aren't that rational" so if I am not screaming and crying about something, which I never do, people assume I can't be upset and it isn't serious.

And then after having my boundaries ignored too many times despite having calmly explained how and why it's a problem [shaking inside or not]... I leave. I leave and everyone gets upset like this is unexpected behaviour, even though I told them 50 times that is how I would respond if they kept doing *the thing.*

And for neurotypical people especially, they are expecting there to be a disconnect between what someone says they need or feel and what their actually boundaries and feelings are, and they expect the latter to be demonstrated with emotions. Telling them bluntly you do not function that way somehow never helps?

My mother isn't just looking for normal yelling or a few tears to know I am serious, whether or not I do those either [I don't], she's looking for an explosion to know there's a problem at all.

Fucked if I know how she proceeds through life this way in general or if this is just her expectation of her own kids???

And I couldn't get why my mother couldn't read my emotions and didn't seem to think I have any. It's because she's testing for the rage limit to see where my 'actual' limit is instead of taking my word for it. Never the fuck mind that she could simply *not* test at my boundaries instead of letting me have them. Separate issue.

I couldn't figure out what made her *like this*

She's expecting me to throw a giant meltdown violent tantrum at people when I have 'actually' had enough. Maybe she got away with those being like 5'4" in another time, but I am the size of the average man, I do not get to have giant screaming rages, whether or not people perceive me consciously as a woman, and least of all because a lot of people -at least unconsciously- read me as 'masculine' or at least always "they guy" of the situation compared to all other women and some men [bigger stronger and more rational, more able to just absorb the damage and let it go so the less rational screaming/crying one doesn't have to be dealt with]. Even if it was in me to be willing to terrify people [usually never], there are such limited instances where it wouldn't just blow back on me. Potentially very dangerously.

I am going to be the quiet calm one. You are going to have to let me use my words, bitch.

So she kept ignoring my boundaries until I had to cut her out of my life, and she probably doesn't understand and probably thinks it feels sudden -after 36 long years of bullshit- abrupt and unfair.

But I told her hundreds of times.

I probably should have just screamed at her.