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aspiring-holistic-otaku · 1 year ago

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Season 3 Ramble#1 - New Year New Worlds ver.2

This is another one of those episodes where I almost feel like I’m betraying the name and purpose of the podcast, as this month I won’t actually be talking about manga or even anime for that matter.

The first time I did this whole New Year New Worlds thing was in Season 2 Ramble 1, where I focused on isekai manga and manhwa since I’d never really given the genre a chance before then. This month, again, I wanted to try something completely new to me and so I focused on Visual & Light novels.

Now my regular ramble format is to talk about top new reads on a particular topic/theme for that month, then give top reads I had on the same topic/theme before then. Seeing as this is an entirely new media format for me, there’s no way that format would work. So how this episode is gonna go is I’m gonna do a very quick once over of my top 3 isekai from last time, then get into this month’s media starting with Light Novels, then wrap up with Visual novels.

Lastly, before we get into it, I thought it would be useful to actually define these media formats, so everyone listening would be on the same page, veterans and newbies alike.

So…

According to wikipedia, Light novels are a type of popular literature novel, native to Japan, usually classified as young adult fiction targeting teens to twenties… In other words they’re books. Taking wiki at their word, light novels, or LNs as I’ll probably refer to them from now on, tend towards the YA novel variety you’d find in the west. The biggest difference being that they’re usually a bit shorter with an average length of less than 300 pages, but a crazy dense publishing schedule of 3 - 9 months between installments… crazy…

And visual novels, according to masterclass dot com, are text-based adventure games that combine interactive fiction and traditional anime or manga art styles, to give the gamer the experience of reading a novel in a visual format. The site goes on to describe different types and targets, along with 5 key characteristics of which I thought the first was really key and worth mentioning. Namely, Advancement; In visual novels, or VNs as I'll probably call them going forward, players do not guide a character the way they would in a traditional video game. Instead, they advance the story by clicking in targeted regions to refresh the text. Sounds kinda lame but trust when I say it’s the opposite. At least as far as my experience so far leads me to believe.

Getting right into it

A quick recap of my top 3 from Season 2 Ramble 1

#3) Loner life in another world - The ultra quick summary is in the name, as a lot of isekai tend to do for some reason… anyways, a loner gets transported to another world. Really it’s him and his classmates but he prefers to move alone. I thought it was pretty fun as far as isekai goes, mostly because it’s very lighthearted, doesn’t take itself too seriously and for the most part, at least from what i’ve read so far, it really felt like kids being kids. Which I really appreciated cause isekai always seem to go off the deep end.

#2) Murim Login - Again the ultra quick summary is that in this world, there’s the typical dungeon crawler aspect where special humans called hunters, protect the rest of humanity by going into special gates and closing them by defeating the boss monster inside. The MC is a low rank hunter that one day finds a VR game in the trash that actually sends him to another world. That’s the very basic premise but if i’m being real, the reason I dug it was because of it's heavy ancient chinese martial arts type vibe. The story has been enjoyable as well, split into two with his life in the real world and the one in the game, the one in the game so far being far more interesting… go figure.. but yh… I definitely have a martial arts bias so slight grain of salt there ig..

#1) Omniscient Reader’s Viewpoint - This was my fav read that month and honestly I see it being my fav isekai for a long time. The story here is that the MC is a big fan of Light novels and happens to be the only person in the world to have completed one called Three Ways to Survive the Apocalypse. Lo and behold the events of the story start to unfold in real life. Now I know that screams boring story overpowered MC red flags, as he clearly has a certain edge over literally the entire human population,, but TRUST. TRUST! it’s all handled really really well.

If i’m being honest, the really real reason I brought these up is probably because I saw some announcements earlier this month that two of them have started production for anime adaptations. #3 Loner life in another world and #1 Omniscient Reader’s viewpoint. Not that something getting an anime speaks to any inherent quality of a manga besides profitability, but in any case, if you liked the quick summaries, anime announcements or even just the names, I recommend actually listening to Season 2 Ramble 1 - New Year New Worlds, or reading its transcript for more structured descriptions and takes…especially on Omniscient Reader… so so good..

Now onto the stuff I actually got into this month, starting with Light novels... I say Light Novels plural and though I technically did read more than one, they were all from the same series

Durarara!!

I’m a big fan of durarara!! Watched the anime like ten years ago, and even back then I really wanted to read the source material but couldn’t find it anywhere, the source material being the LNs. I pretty much gave up.. but still 2 years ago I read the manga for Season 1 Ramble 12 - Delinquency and still enjoyed it. Finally. Finally. I’ve gotten my hands on the light novels thanks to a 7 year old reddit post. Thank you reddit.

Durarara!! is a story written by Ryohgo Narita with illustrations, like the cover and a few more for emphasis on certain scenes, done by Suzuhito Yasuda. In total there are 13 volumes which started publishing in 2004 and ended in 2014. Of these 13 I’ve read 4 so far. This is the third time now I’ll be speaking about durarara!!, the first time was Season 1 Ramble 8 - A is for Anime (solo reprise) then Season 1 Ramble 12 - Delinquency. Of course I encourage you to check those out but seeing as I clearly love Durarara!! I don’t mind giving the synopsis again.

Durarara!! Is the story of Tokyo’s downtown district of Ikebukuro and the people who live there. There are three central characters who the story mostly revolves around and a few more that make up the full main cast. The main three are mikado ryuugamine, a kid from the countryside who’s tired of the normal everyday life and so, invited by his best friend, moved to Ikebukuro to get closer to all the excitement. Mikado’s best friend who invited him, Kida Masaomi, is the second of the three. A rowdy, dye haired playboy who’s lived in Ikebukuro for a while and serves as mikado’s guide. Last but definitely not leat there’s Anri Sonohara, a plain girl who lost her friend on the first day of school.

There are others like the strongest in ikebukuro, shizuo, the most dastardly in ikebukuro, izaya, the random black Russian sushi store employee simon, and etc., that all affect the story one way or the other but there’s one more character that probably brings the central cast up to four and that’s celty sturluson, a dullahan, aka headless horseman, looking for her head that’s been stolen.

Not sure if you can tell from that not so short synopsis or the fact that there’s thirteen volumes of this thing but ALOT is going on in this story. For comparative reasons I'll bring up the anime here that has two seasons, the second being split into 3 cours, and they cover about 6 of the light novels. I say about, because I've only read four of them but I know for sure that season 1 covers the first three, and the fourth novel lines up with what happened in season 2 cour 1 so that’s where my assumption comes from.

In any case if it sounds like i’ve said a lot without saying anything, i’m aware and I hate it but it’s kind of a mystery story so i’ll give myself a small pass and hope you all can forgive me., Like this is one of those stories it’s hard to speak on without spoiling some aspect. I will say though that delinquents, katanas, superhumans and the yakuza are involved so… yh… Lastly the narration is great as almost every chapter is from a different person’s perspective and sometimes this goes back and forth through time so the story comes together in a very neat but crazy exciting kaleidoscope. One thing the anime had over the Light novel is that along with this changing vantage point, the narrator would change independently as well which I thought was really cool and really solidified the feeling that nothing goes unseen, whether on accident or by design, but the Light novels gave a bit more depth to the character's train of thought so I guess it balances out a bit.

Not much more to say but having watched the anime, read the manga and now the light novels I think it’s obvious that I definitely and holistically recommend durarara!!

Now onto the Visual Novels

The order I’m gonna mention them in is just the order I played them in, usually I’d do some sort of ranking but If you know anything about visual novels, and I guess story heavy games in general, it’s that they tend to be on the longer side of things so sadly I only finished one.

1) Steins;Gate

Released in 2009, developed and published by MAGES & Nitro+ with an approximate playtime of 44hrs. This was the only VN I actually got to complete a playthrough of this month.

I watched the anime 10 years ago and though I don’t remember much of the intricate episode to episode details, I do remember time travel being involved and it fucking with my emotions in the last half. In fact I went to check old tumblr posts I made back then to see if it would jog my memory but there was only one post and all it said was that the last 4 episodes were feels…

In any case back then I had no idea what VNs even were so I pretty much thought that was the end of it, but as the helix of time would have it, I’m back here again.

For those who have no idea, Steins;Gate follows a rag-tag band of tech-savvy young students who discover the means of changing the past via mail, using a modified microwave. Their experiments into how far they can go with their discovery begin to spiral out of control as they become entangled in a conspiracy surrounding SERN, the organisation behind the Large Hadron Collider, and John Titor who claims to be from a dystopian future.

Yes i know it’s kinda crazy that technical time travel was stumbled upon with a microwave but one it’s fiction, and two the series really doesn’t ask you to suspend your belief all that much otherwise. Getting into it, I really like the VN way more than the anime, the time difference is probably a factor but I don’t recall the anime being as thorough in explaining the science of different theoretical time travel mechanics and how they may or may not work. In fact the VN was way more thorough in general, from individual characterization to the overall settings, but to be fair to the anime, they have a limited time to work with and there’s no way they could fit everything in there. No reason to either as they told their own story and to be clear the anime was great and obviously having things moving about is a strength that the VN could never touch, but as a person who really loves the specifics of things, as well as a healthy interest in time travel, the VN just wins out.

Moving clear of the anime now, the VN playthrough is actually multithreaded, with several branching routes and independent endings which plays into the whole time travel, chaos theory, cause and effect type stuff brilliantly. Especially because the choices generally aren’t very obvious or with clear impact or storyline segmentation, besides the split in chapters which is independent of your choices. In my head, going into VNs I thought it’d be like you’re presented with a situation and there are some obvious choices with obvious impacts like do you want to be evil yes or no? But in steins;gate, you’re really just advancing the script almost unknowingly and the only choices you make are to answer a text or not to answer a text and the preset choices only present themselves when you choose to answer a text but i swear to you they are almost always about the most unimportant things that have absolutely nothing to do with the task at hand of trying to complete successful time travel and escaping a future dystopia.

Real example, a friend texts you and asks you if you want some anime frogs.., i only know this because I chose to look at the text but you’re free to ignore almost every text. In any case the options were like what tf is that? or why tf would i? (paraphrasing ofc) + even if you do open the text as I said you don’t have to answer. No idea what that or my even more insane conversations with the cat girl maid had to do with anything but somehow I ended up where I ended up.. In the end I somehow caused the MC to get stuck in the same cycle for some unknown time until his soul pretty much died and he was on the verge of turning to heinous criminal activities but ended up just leaving his time period behind at the risk of taking on extreme mental illness.. No reflection on me and my character of course, as I said the choices aren’t anything obvious like become evil or become good, it just turned out that way somehow but that’s part of the fun because the anime only had one ending but here there’s i don’t even know how many in the VN and I can’t wait to playthrough again.

Also want to mention that it’s largely from a first person perspective so even though the story could have had the feeling of being completely independent from you and just click click click powerpoint powerpoint powerpoint, that first person perspective gave it a feeling closer to that of things slowly slipping through your fingers as you desperately try to keep a handle on things… and art imitates life… great decision by the dev team there but yh… besides that the art and sound direction was great.. The character art specifically was pretty unique like I could definitely spot it in a lineup of 100 anime art styles… phenomenal story of course and though I’d say if you have no exposure to steins at all it could feel a bit slow in the beginning, like I distinctly remember having that feeling when I watched the anime back then and I’m sure my knowledge of the insane pickup had something to do with not feeling it so much now, but I feel it had more to do with the VN having less time constraints, so they were able to make deeper character interactions and with that, the individual characterizations became that much more fulsome and enjoyable.

Definitely definitely highly recommend both the anime and the VN, I think any order is fine as who says time itself is strictly sequential anyways..

2) Utawarerumono: Prelude to the Fallen

Released in 2002, developed by AQUAPLUS, Leaf & STING, published by AQUAPLUS, DMM GAMES & Shiravune, having an approximate playtime of 35hrs.

Now I had never heard of this before but I’d asked a trusted twitter mutual for reccs and this was one of them. shout out LZ one time. Seeing as I didn’t finish I’d feel bad trying to give it a summary or overview with my limited knowledge so I’m gonna go with the description from vndb dot org, which for the record is also where I snagged the description for steins;gate.

In any case, Utawarerumono is about Hakuowlo, a man who wakes up in a tiny backwoods village near the mountains with heavy injuries, no memory, and a mask he cannot remove. After being nursed back to health by Eruruu, the girl who found him lying at the point of death in the forest, he starts to view the village as his new home. But when an oppressive ruler threatens the peaceful life of Hakuowlo and his newfound friends and family, they find themselves hurtled towards war, chaos, and a destiny far greater than any of them imagined.

Pretty simple storyline I guess but it’s all in the execution and from what I’ve played so far, which amounts to about 22hrs, they did a pretty good job. Personally they get extra points from me for justified political upheaval brought about by the consciousness of the masses due to the unjustified cruelty of the ruling class.. But i’ll digress.. Character design was pretty neat, typical anime type beat i guess, great soundtrack, loved all the wind instruments. The character interactions were neat too, definitely feel like i’m gonna do a little part 2 thing cause the more I go on I feel like there’s a few technical commonalities I wanna speak on but yh, again I didn’t finish, though I think I got pretty far, but i still I don’t wanna speak too long or hard directly on it.

Last thing on Uta is that it did have a lot of battle aspects, or at least a lot relative to my expectations for a VN, and that came in the form of a turn based tile map type beat. Think advanced wars or some megaman and final fantasy games.. In any case those were fun, i had it on easy mode cause I was more there for the story so that part was pretty much a breeze but it was refreshing coming off steins which was strictly text based + i haven’t touched any games in a good little while due to the economy™, I’d recommend this for sure, maybe not a super push but I definitely want to finish it which again implies that anything i say on this has to have a little bit more than a grain of salt.

3) Fate/Stay Night

Released in 2004, developed by TYPE-MOON & Notes Co.Ltd, published by those same developers along with Kadokawa Shoten & Kadokawa Games with an approximate playtime of 88hrs.

Just wanna start with no, I haven’t watched the anime, but of course i’ve seen the random clips on twitter, pretty much inescapable at the height of its popularity with ufotable doing undeniably excellent work on it, and i could tell that from just a few clips. But I was in my strictly manga phase back then so I let it pass. The only other exposure I had to the fate series was the gacha game Fate Grand Order which I played for a short time because of one of my twitter friends and then the fate strange fake manga because of that same friend which I will say I do enjoy and I think I even heard it’s getting an anime which would be really based. Anyways shout out jhin and I’m gonna go with the synopsis from vndb again but summarized by me cause it’s hella long, much like the playtime..

The Holy Grail War is a ritual that materializes the greatest holy artifact, the Holy Grail. There are two conditions to participate in this ritual: being a magus and being a "Master" chosen by the Holy Grail. There are seven chosen Masters and seven classes of Servants, beings akin to superhumans with incredible fighting abilities. If you wish for a miracle, prove that you are the strongest with your powers. Emiya Shirou is a high school student who finds himself engaged in the Holy Grail war as he gets attacked by a Servant. As he’s cornered, he somehow summons his Servant and manages to stay alive long enough to compete against the other Masters.

What’s crazy about this is that after playing Uta and reading the description for this I thought “oh so there’s gonna be fights and stuff” and yes there are but you kinda just watch them, well I can’t speak on the whole game but so far I’ve played about 30hrs and that’s what it’s been. Nothing bad, it’s a VN, just surprising given the nature of the VN. In any case I’ve enjoyed it so far, pretty much knew I would as most if not all the servants are famous figures from the past and it’s always cool to see clashes of famous figures across time.

I guess the bigger surprise was how much I liked the characters and their interactions, maybe they weren’t phenomenal but there’s always a certain set of folks on social media that will have certain characters as their profile pics and there’s always lewd art here and there and the trend that tends to follow from that is like the character is blown up by the fans to the point that when you actually get to the story it’s disappointing but… I get it…. Rin fans… i get it… saber fans… I get it… I only saw her briefly at the point where I got to but I’m a rider fan… Here my lawyers have advised me to mention that in the VN there is a disclaimer that all characters are over the age of 18… and i’ll just leave that there… Anywho I also dug the subtleties of the sound direction like if they were up high somewhere you’d have a light wind blowing along with the usual bgm or when they’re at a scene like lunch or breakfast there’d be the sound of plates and stuff clinking together… I thought little details like that were very cool… The art wasn’t much, typical anime stuff ig, doubt i could pick it out of a lineup but it was early 2000s so it gets a light pass ig…

Fate is a pretty big franchise at this point so I don’t think my recommendation for or against would sway anyone but for the record I would recommend it, grain of salt due to me not actually finishing it included…

And that’s it for stuff this month, thanks for sticking around to the end gotta shout out LZ again, that twitter moot I mentioned, they gave me reccs, set me up with sites and everything to get free to play, also shout out vndb dot org for the VN details, they’re doing great work over there and I would give the sites I got from LZ but loose lips sink pirate ships so i hope yall can understand… yh that’s it for the main stuff,, a little part 2 ramble is in the actual podcast if you're interested in listening but other than that, hope you enjoyed and have a good one o/

#just another day #mm..manga #writeup #light novel #visual novel #durarara!!#drrr!!#steins;gate #s;g #utawarerumono #fate stay night

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olderjodijournals · 2 months ago

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Wednesday, January 1, 1992

The first 10 minutes of 1992 flashed some unpleasant thoughts through my mind.

What have I accomplished?

Nothing.

Where is my life going?

Nowhere.

Why do I feel as if I’ve accomplished so much but am getting nowhere in life? Silly question, huh? I still don’t know that I want to live a life of nothing or second best. Should anyone try to pretend and make themselves settle into a life they’re not happy with? If you knew for sure all the things you really want and that matter to you will never come true? If you knew you’d live your life either miserable or in between. Never really happy. Never any kind of life, fun, adventure or excitement. Just a nothing nobody on disability who knew what she wanted but couldn’t have it. Just a girl who’d like a little lust here and there and nothing more as she has self-respect, enjoys her space, can’t tolerate head games, lies and geeks. But all I get are offers from people I’m not attracted to. God just can’t allow me a person who I’m turned on by for one lousy night. A decent person and say, “ok, I’ll send her someone fairly decent that she wouldn’t be good enough for on a regular basis. All she wants is sex and that way that “decent” person won’t have to put up with her and she can have her space without this decent person trying to change her and condemn her.” Yeah, right. But I should be allowed at least some lust rather than be sent all the uglies or so-so people that are keeping me celibate. I need some fun, too.

Boy, am I mad at myself upon reviewing all the dumb things I did during 1991. The phone calls, the phone bills, losing my tapes, moving here and reality slapping me in the face.

Fucking Kim couldn’t have offered to do something with me seeing that Mark’s at work.

I have lost so much both material and non-material-wise.

My New Year’s resolution is a deal with God or whatever the fuck’s up there. I still can’t bring myself to settle happily and willingly. This was gonna be my “settlement” year. Doing all the stuff I don’t want to do and letting go of my dreams and having good sex. Instead, God will either grant me my wishes by sending me an attractive person as well as help me get my foot in the door (appropriately) with my music. Then I’ll work my ass off from there. If none of the above starts happening for me this year, I exit this boring life. As if God’s gonna answer my prayers for once and for all?

I am so pissed off at Kim and my parents never called. Has Tammy given them my new number yet?

Fran called at around 11:20. Some girl showed up at his place and he said he’d call me later or during the week.

I know I’m cursed. I know for sure. Forget about why though as I’ll probably never know why. What do I do to get rid of it? Goddamn, do I hate this life! Being sure in my mind of the things I want and knowing I’ll never achieve things. I’d never know where the fuck to begin. What an ass for believing I’d get connections somehow just cuz I could sing. This idiot thought that two years from now (1994) she’d have her foot in the door. Man, do I feel like a complete jackass!

Can’t I have just a little more than a nice place to live and some decent clothes? Material things are great. It doesn’t replace being a singer and sex, though. I’m only human and I can’t help the way I feel. I have a right to my feelings and if God’s determined to make me settle, he’d better miraculously change those feelings of mine or else I’m gone before 1993. I mean it too, as I have hung on long enough to see that nothing will ever change

Later...

I am listening to the tape that was made earlier with Fran and Nervous. It’s pretty funny.

Fran at the CC and I spoke for a little while.

Again Fran insisted that Nervous lives in a “complex.” Since he has no phone, Fran couldn’t insist the phone company was in his building ready to snatch his phone. Rather than that story, he insisted that Carabetta was buying out his building. I love Nervous’s line to Fran at one part of the tape. He says, “There’s gonna be a dead P.” Also, I was reminding Nervous about his wonderful cooking. He was cooking bacon for me when I lived on Oswego St. When he got through with it, it looked like cigarette ashes.

Later...

Not much has been happening. Still the same old boring shit. Andy hasn’t called, but I called Jessie. She’s been trying to call me but didn’t know the machine wasn’t here for a while. She then tried after that but got the recording saying the phone’s disconnected. She was eating dinner and says she’ll call me back. Kim, naturally, isn’t home. I haven’t heard from Mom and Dad either so maybe Fran will call later.

I think I hear Kim home now. It cracked me up how she feels so guilty, she tells me, and how she should’ve known better as far as her busy schedule’s concerned. Not only am I angry with her and feeling very let down and led on, but I’m also angry with myself. As much as I love this place and wanted badly to get out of Crack Alley, I should’ve known better. Never fall for anything someone tells you, you’ll only end up trapped.

Thursday, January 2, 1992

I had a long sad boring talk with Bob who’s freaked out about Kim going away to Florida. She’s going to the same area that Bob’s second wife was murdered. Supposedly Bob and Dorothy were only married for 3 days when Dorothy’s sister became ill. When she went to the sister’s house, her brother-in-law came onto her. The guy shot Dorothy, her sister and himself too, I think.

Andy called and said that things were excellent now. His financial status has improved. Now he won’t be evicted. He also is very happy at this new Denny’s he’s at. He said thank God as just a month ago he literally wanted to drop dead. He’s quite happy now. I wish I could say the same, but at least I’m feeling better than before and told him all about the phone.

He told me Donna was taking care of this old man in Paradise Valley where Stevie Nicks lives. A rich guy and I guess this particular area is all fenced in and you got to go through security to get in. Sort of like where my parents live. Donna told him to go take a walk and he came up to this house where he heard someone singing live. Also, a real drummer or a drum machine. He said at first he wasn’t too sure if it was her but this woman was definitely recording something. He pulled a garbage can of hers into some bushes and pulled out an envelope with her name and address. He said he’s gonna keep it and write her a huge letter with some videos of him doing her in drag. So, she then continued to sing louder and clearer and he knew for sure it was her and this was her house. He said it was nighttime so he couldn’t see much but the house wasn’t too spectacular. He said it was only 1 floor but very long in length. He could see a gold record on the wall and two housekeepers. He never saw her and she never came up to the front part of the house. One housekeeper was vacuuming and another came out of a room with a baby. He walked up to her door but had no intention of knocking on it. He said there were security signs all over and that he respected her privacy but he was outside her house for two hours. He said the kitchen and dining room area were all lit up. At one point he heard what he thought was a plate drop and he first thought - run! But then he told himself it was dark, no one could see him, just quietly walk away and he did.

That’s pretty darn cool. I’d love to see Gloria’s house. Then see it on the inside. Then meet her. Then have the grandest time in bed with her!

Oh well. It’s always fun to dream. Especially when dreaming’s all you can really do.

Later...

I got up too late today but when I did there were 4 messages.

Two from Andy singing. He had called at around 7:30 AM my time. I fell asleep at around 6:30 this morning.

The third message was from Tammy telling me the Norwich Housing Authority called. They have a studio available now, and as soon as a 1-bedroom is open across the street, I can move in. She called back at 5:30 as she said she would, saying she’s gonna take a look at it tomorrow as we’re not so sure I can fit in. I have a lot of stuff as well as furniture. She’ll let me know more about it soon, she said.

The fourth message was from Ann Marie, the girl claiming to be feminine from the Advocate. I did a third-party billing deal to let her know she’s got to call me due to my blocks.

We’ll see, but her voice sounds like she may be just a wee bit too serious for me. I also hope she’s as feminine as she claims to be and isn’t career-oriented. People on disability or stupid little jobs never mix. She lives in Enfield, but depending on how much she wants sex, we’ll see if she calls back to come here. Hopefully, she at least has a car.

I hope I don’t get put on the spot and she asks me what I’m looking for. Then, if I say I’m looking for sex, she may tell me she’s looking for more than that and want to forget it altogether. I’ll try to get it out of her first but I know that no matter what she looks like, I’ll feel no real attraction. No real thing. No spark. She’ll either be repulsively ugly or another Brenda. God, I hope not another Brenda! All I need is to go through that again and meet another girl like Brenda. At least she won’t live right next door. I like the idea of the person not living in town.

Kim and I had some good talks yesterday and today. Later tonight she’s gonna come over to hear the heated conversation between Fran and Nervous.

I just tried to call Bob to play with his head, but his line was busy. He’s probably playing with Kim’s head. This guy’s as fucked up as you can get. Kim told me that I’m totally sane compared to him. That, I can confidently agree with.

I tried calling Sheila to reschedule our January 8th appointment, however, she was in juvenile court. I’ll call her tomorrow. I still haven’t heard from Tracy, but I think Tony’s gonna drive me to court. I’ll taxi my way home.

Food shopping can be worked out by either Tony or Mark. Mark’s not going to Florida with Kim.

I called Cassandra two nights ago and she was happy and relieved to hear from me. Saturday at 2:00 is when we’ll meet.

Andy’s gonna be calling me late tonight. That’s great, but I’ve got to watch my schedule.

Since I may very well be paroled out of this cage soon, I’ve got to start to round up as many boxes as I can.

Tammy told me she gave Mom and Dad my new number, but I have yet to hear from them. I hope she kept her mouth shut about the phone bill. I told them to keep it between us and to tell the whole world other than Mom and Dad. Mom’s hard enough to talk to over the phone and they cannot deal with shit like that. Therefore, so as not to make it any more difficult than it already is most of the time we talk, I told her not to mention it. She only half-bullshitted me about Andy’s phone. Andy said it almost got disconnected.

Friday, January 3, 1992

Tammy saw the efficiency and said it was too small. I figured as much. Now I have to wait longer for a 1-bedroom. That could be anywhere from 1-8 months. There are now 4 vacancies which means I’m number 8 on the list rather than number 12.

I’m tired and feeling confused right now about people and life. I’m angry and a little upset. I’m extremely frustrated, though. God, am I sick of being contradicted and knowing a certain thing is a fact with living proof to back it up. People are gonna be people. Ignorant, stubborn and set in their beliefs. Oh well. I’m not about to try to prove myself anymore. Or defend myself or anyone else against something I know I should. Some people, no matter how obvious the facts are right in front of their faces, are gonna believe what they want. Especially if the truth hurts them that bad. I’ll write more about this later. Right now I just want to go listen to music. I’m just sick of people saying one thing, then another. I’m so fucking sick of it!!!!!!!

Monday, January 6, 1992

As everyone who knows me well enough knows, there are two things I’ve been wanting bad. One is to be a singer. Two is to meet another gay woman who’s just as feminine as I am and that I’m attracted to. Also, to have it be mutual and get into bed with this woman. Well, one has happened! Yes, it has actually happened. Up till last Saturday night at 9:30, January 4th, I was still sure I was a fluke of nature. I swore up and down, left and right I was the only gay woman on earth who looked 100% like a woman. Totally ultra-feminine.

Her full name is Ann Marie P and she’s 27 years old. Her height is 5’ 3” and she weighs 120 pounds. She looks less, though, and is solid as a rock. I mean what a body! She’s got an absolutely gorgeous figure. And I thought I was solid and that Kacey and Brenda had nice shapes! Well, Kacey did, but not like Ann Marie. Kacey wasn’t as solid either and Brenda and Lisa were too thin. Diane was fat and even ugly compared to Brenda and Lisa. She has a nice shade of green eyes and long dark curly hair which is styled just like Gloria’s. Her face looks nothing like Gloria’s but her style does. Gloria’s only an inch shorter, too. She wore an awesome pair of black tights, trimmed with lace on the ends and waist, and had a tiny matching tank top. Over that, she wore a tie-dye T-shirt that was white and blue and turns pink with heat. She had a nice brown leather snakeskin-like coat. Beautiful rings, earrings, and a gold chain around her wrists and neck. It didn’t look tacky at all. It looked nice. She’s Italian and has dark skin and a nice smooth complexion. With her long brown curly hair which is about to the middle of her back and her black tights and a tank top, she looks like Gloria from behind. What I mean is, if someone took her picture from behind and said it was Gloria, one would find it easy to believe. She’s madly in love with Gloria, too.

One thing I will say, though, is damn she’s good in bed! She knows her stuff. Talk about creative and adventurous. She’s the best. Didn’t participate, though. Meaning, she didn’t have me do anything to her and she never got off. She wouldn’t go down on me either.

She was here from 9:30 PM on January 4th to 7 PM January 5th and I will write more another time.

Thursday, January 9, 1992

I’m on the phone now with Fran. He’s calling people he knows so they can hear the tape of Rick and Nervous.

I have to clean my place as well as go out for some groceries as soon as the stores open. I have to polish my nails and finish my letter-writing, Andy’s bracelet and do some editing. I also should try to finish the drawing of the kids on their swings so I can send it to Lisa for her birthday. She’s gonna be 9 on January 20th.

Once again I’m swapping my schedule around. I hope to stay up until early afternoon if possible. Around 8:00 this morning, I’m gonna take a walk to Sugar Loaf Market to pick up some cat food along with stuff for myself. I’ll call in my Theodur refill and Kim says she’ll pick it up. She’s going to Florida Fri. and won’t be back till the 23rd. If she doesn’t pick me up my refill, I’ll run out while she’s gone.

Tony’s gonna take me to court and I’m gonna take a taxi back. It’s gonna cost $25 but maybe I can get Tracy to take me home.

Later...

In about an hour, I’m gonna take off for the store.

Fran called earlier as I mentioned and I’ve had several talks with Bob. His car is still not fixed.

Jessie called me a few nights ago and I guess she has gone to New York. Her father was gonna be on the set for 4 more days, then go on vacation to his other place in Hawaii. Jessie hasn’t been to the set since she was pregnant and her father was paying for her and her sister to stay in a hotel. It’s right in Times Square and they also got shopping money and all their expenses were paid for. Their food and gas and stuff like that. Jessie had told me she’d call me in case Melissa decided not to go. I guess she went. Bummer. Jessie better call me when she gets back about coming up before school starts again.

Andy never called last night but we did speak the night before last. I played him some edits from about a week or so ago.

Right after I got my phone back, Fran called Nervous. Boy, did they go off on each other. It was great, though, as it’s been so long. I edited them chewing each other out as well as Andy and I. Also some girl Fran knows who talks so funny. She sounds like she’s drunk but she really has CP. Poor thing, but she’s funny as all hell anyway.

Later...

After I smoked a cigarette, I went down to Sugar Loaf Market. I got $20 worth of food. When I got back I fed Shadow and had a bite to eat. Also, I called in my refill and verified my new SSI and SS checks amount with Kathy at my bank. I get a total of $556.39 now between the two checks.

I’m so sick of this fucking waterbed. It’s a major pain in the ass. Lovemaking, or sex, I should say, would be a heck of a lot easier on a regular bed. You know, firmer ground for better balance for those who already have good balance and are flexible. Being sure-footed and flexible doesn’t really help much.

I threw in a small load of laundry and I also called Bob and played him the new 20-minute edition of edits.

As for Ann Marie, well, there really isn’t much more to say. She’s attractive, great in bed, and a nice person. She’s open, honest and understanding, but I told her up front that I don’t want a relationship. All she wants is sex, too. She did say that even though she’s never met an equal, but if she were to, she may stay with the person. Only if it were right, she said, otherwise she’d be bored quickly. That sounds logical. She says she’s had 4 relationships and a million one-nighters. The one-nighters, she explained, were due to the fact that it was one-sided. Either she was the one into it and they weren’t or vice versa. I told her I could relate to that. I told her never to expect to change me and that I was gonna be myself. If she didn’t like myself, I told her my door is always open for her to leave and find someone else to fool around with. I’m really proud of myself for not telling her anything personal. I learned sex really complicates the emotional part. That’s why your friends and family are the ones you talk to and get your love from. And you keep sex purely sexual with nothing emotional tied in. At least I do cuz the two don’t mix. If Ann Marie never were to come back then I’d have no hard feelings. If she were to come around every now and then, that’s cool, too. She called two nights ago and we had a good talk but there were a few things she said that bugged me.

Friday, January 10, 1992

I thought I’d do a little writing while I was waiting for my pork chops to cook. I’m really bored right now and I was hoping to hear from Andy who left a message while I was asleep. I tried to call him collect so he’d refuse it and call me back but his voice mail came on. He probably thinks I made it to New York after all.

Last night I woke up at 9:00 and I was bummed out as I was unable to beat that tonight. I got up at 7:00 and I’m still pretty tired. I doubt I’ll be able to go to sleep for a few hours. Once I’m up, I’m up. Tired or not.

I tried to call Bob, but Sandra says he’s all upset about Kim’s trip to Florida. She leaves tomorrow. She’s lucky cuz she’s not gonna have to deal with anyone like my mom to spoil her vacation. At least not that I know of.

Speaking of my mom and my whole family, well, I’m really disappointed. Just when I believed they were beginning to believe in me and understand me, I feel just the opposite. These people think they have me all figured out yet they don’t even know me.

Later...

I know now that I’ll never sleep and that there’s no use in trying.

I hate how my family is so sure I want something due to a certain reason when in fact it is for a whole different reason. And they just cannot, for the life of them take my word for some things I say. I wish they’d realize that if I have something to say to them, I have no reason to lie. Granted every now and then we all tell little white lies but for me to do so would require a damn good reason. Rather than lie to them, I just wouldn’t say anything at all. An example is if I paid $20 for a necklace and I didn’t want to tell them that, I’d not say a word, rather than lie and say it costs $10.

There’s a reason why I’ve run around giving them a taste of their own medicine lately. When my mom accidentally knocked over my guitar, I knew it was an accident. Despite how rude she was about my wanting to play in MY house. She was ignoring me anyway so I figured I’d just do my thing. Despite her antics and her dramatics, I accused her anyway of doing it out of spite. With anyone else, I could never do that and I’d feel guilty and she begged me not to tell anyone she did it deliberately cuz she didn’t. I asked her how it felt to be accused of something untrue and reminded her of the knife story. Or hammer. Or whatever the fuck they said it was I was supposed to have attacked them with in my teens. The truth of that night was that they were provoking me and saying some nasty, cruel, false, vicious and unnecessary shit about me. Therefore, when I told them to fuck off, they couldn’t handle it and didn’t want to hear it. That’s when dad came charging at me. He’s got to hit when he can’t get his way and gets frustrated and we disagree. He can’t communicate. He can’t speak rationally, honestly or listen to my true honest feelings. He can if he agrees with them and they meet his standards but I have a mind of my own. And no two minds are alike. So what was I supposed to do? I had to defend myself and I most certainly wasn’t just gonna stand there and let the bully swing at me. When they asked me why I wouldn’t lie to them, I told them I have nothing to fear from telling them the truth. What are they gonna do? Come and spank me? Ground me? Take away my stereo? Cut me down verbally? Send me away? Of course, in their opinion, name-calling like calling me a sicko is always a brilliant way of settling our differences.

Later...

I just got done listening to music and now I have another winner to write about. Here’s exactly what I mean about people putting false ideas into my mind. When my father and I discussed my having a kid, he insisted my only intent was so I could run around telling people I have a kid. Now, anyone who knows me well enough knows I know that’s a hell of a reason to have a kid. And just who would I tell? How would it impress them? He makes it sound as if I meet 20 new people a day. That is one of the reasons I no longer want to have a kid. Oh, I still want to, but not nearly as much as I used to. I don’t need to hear their opinions 20 times a day. I don’t need to be told how to do this and how to do that unless I ask. I don’t need to hear over and over how much I should be just like them. I don’t need the kid caught in the middle. Plus, there are other things to consider. I’m not rich or near rich. With all the drugs and war and crime in this world, I don’t know. A parent can only tell their kids so often what not to do. From there, it’s up to the kid to say yes or no to drugs and other stuff. My parents warned me about cigarettes. Even if they never smoked, I’d still have started anyway. Of course, I wouldn’t be puffing away on a cigarette in front of my kid, telling it not to ever smoke.

My parents tell us how hitting or any kind of violence isn’t a way to solve disagreements, but what do they do when they have a problem with their kids? Hit them.

Also, another reason not to have a kid is cuz I have no car. You can’t keep a kid cooped up in an apartment day after day. They always need doctor’s checkups and I would be, too.

Lastly, the idea of pregnancy and childbirth is too overwhelming. I’d be excited and maybe enjoy the experience but I’m so sensitive to pain and I’m small. I don’t think I could get through it. If my kid was born with a severe handicap, then I’d really feel helpless with no car and no money in spite of Medicaid.

In all situations, I do not kiss ass. I do what I want with this as an exception. This way I don’t have to go through any shit and everyone else is happy.

There are also many other things about the family that bothers me. Talking to them does no good as they get impatient or they’re in a hurry. They’re unable to really hear me out, give me a chance and keep an open mind. They’re just so set in what they want to believe. Certain people’s beliefs make sense and other ones just don’t cut it. Especially when it’s only the family. Other people see things differently and are less judgmental. And these other people are honest and would never lie to me. These people will give me constructive criticism on days when I’m not singing well. I will also come out and say when I feel it’s not my day vocally. They think every singer in the world’s got to have a great voice when I can name about 6 “famous” people off the top of my head that suck. Obviously, they have connections, money and other related talents that they’re good at. Or they slept their way. I never claimed to be a great singer but I know I sing well enough. When Tammy told me I sang well but do I really think I’m good enough to sing on tape, I told her to think back a few years ago. Knowing I had yet to develop my voice and that it’d take time. When I was 18, no way was I ready for that. She then said she wouldn’t buy the tape. She’s also never really sat down and listened to me and she’s never heard me on tape. So, before she’s given me a chance, she has her mind set that I’d make a sucky tape.

Why is it only the family’s been saying this since I was 21? The rest of the people, before I was 21, told me they felt I had potential, go for it and try to develop it. Why do I also have the feeling that even if I was a great singer, she’d still say I’d make a lousy tape? And then, of course, be positive the next day. Every singer has their good and bad days, but come on, make up your mind. They go back and forth. Me and 5 other people could each sing a song perfectly for my parents and Tammy, and while they told everyone else they were great, they’d still say I sucked.

It just seems as if everything I do is wrong even if it’s right. Nothing satisfies them. And if I decide something’s not for me like manicuring, I’m called a failure and punished for it for the rest of my life.

Other than my phone calls, nothing’s right. The way I dress is either too bummy or too dressed up. They define flashy as trashy. Do they think I’d wear clothes that don’t fully cover my privates? If my mother or sister were at a party and someone wore a sexy dress, they’d love it and probably compliment the woman. But I’d get called a whore if I wore the exact same dress. Why is it always me? It seems as if others can do whatever they want and everyone’s happy.

Later...

About an hour and a half ago, I spoke to Andy. We discussed a lot of the stuff I just wrote. I played him my latest edition of edits. He was cracking up over the girl with the CP.

According to Kim, Tony lost his job and is bored. I don’t know why he lost his job and it really doesn’t matter. What matters is that hopefully, he can bring me home from court as well as to court.

Speaking of court, am I simply paranoid or having a bad premonition? Remember how I always believed that certain things are ok for some people? Certain things aren’t ok even if they’re not wrong. Well, I always felt that after I have sex, male or female is irrelevant, that there was a price to pay. Sort of like taking the bad with the good even though the good was never really all that good. Never worth doing it again. Not even sex with the women I’ve been with. Including Kacey. But Ann Marie was a big deal sexually. I was attracted to her and really enjoyed sex with her. She was a far cry from all the others.

What if I do end up in jail on the 15th? Maybe if I never had sex, I wouldn’t have gone to jail and Northampton would’ve gone along with Greenfield’s disposition. But cuz I did have sex, maybe jail’s gonna be my payback. If I were to end up in jail and miraculously get out alive, I’d never be the same. I’ll probably get beat up so bad that I’d wish they’d killed me. As if they’ll care that I may get a death sentence for prank phone calls? If the judge says jail, he’s letting me walk into a death trap. Will they isolate me from the other prisoners? Will I be protected? Will they give me my meds?

Saturday, January 11, 1992

As time goes on, I wish more and more I lived where it’s warm all the time. I’m sick of snow and I hate winter clothes. I like to run around in shorts and skimpy tops. I like the thought of being able to swim year-round and being near a pool or a beach. Something tropical and beautiful like where my parents live. I’d never want to live in their mobile home, though, as you can’t make any more noise than a whisper without the whole island hearing you.

Of course, I’d definitely have to have an AC constantly.

It sucks knowing I’ll never have the money to move or travel. Other than moving to CT, of course. Too bad I can’t get to Old Colony Beach by bus. That would be the perfect thing for me in the summer. I’d be out more and it could really occupy my time in a fun productive way. How often is Tammy gonna want to go? I’m sure she can bring me to her house so I can tan on her deck. That great big kiddy pool is nice to use so you can cool off. I get sun heated very very easily. I guess it’d be cooler there in the woods and with all those trees. I hope the trees don’t block out the sun’s rays. It would probably have to be at a certain angle at a certain time of day. Here in the parking lot, you have to wait till around 1:00 in the afternoon. Before then, the sun’s on the other side of the building.

Later...

I’ve finished Andy’s bracelet and written him a letter. I will go throw it in the mailbox later. Since I still have so many stamps, I may as well write Andy, Fran and Nervous more letters. Maybe Mom, Dad and Tammy, too.

In the center of town here, someone’s bound to have a copying machine. If so, I’d like to photocopy my drawings and send them to Andy. Maybe Peter has a copying machine.

I wonder if Bill at the CC will take me up on my taping offer. Editing offer, I should say. I spoke to him earlier in the week. He was in Canada on vacation but says he hasn’t forgotten.

Earlier, I spoke with Bob. I told him to call me anytime and that if I didn’t answer, he could entertain my machine. He left a message making these funny noises. Another message with Linda Ronstadt singing Tracks of my Tears.

As many problems as Bob has, he’s really a nice person. Late at night, we’ve had some good talks. He’s not only up all night, he’s up all day, too. He only sleeps an hour or so due to so much back pain. Last May he had major back surgery. That’s how he met Kim. She was his nurse. He met her 6 months after I did. I had originally thought they met around the same time Kim and I met.

Guess not.

Later...

I am trying my best to keep awake. I’ll manage, but it’ll be hard.

I’m writing at my kitchen table. At this time of day, the sun is directly in front of the window/door. Boy, is it ever bright here but the warmth of the sun feels nice. These windows are about 6 feet tall and almost 6 feet wide. At the same time, you feel like you’re outdoors as it is so bright and sunny, the warmth of the sun makes you feel as if it’s summer out.

The neat thing about the heating system here which is hot air blowing up from the floor is that it sounds like an AC. They are not noisy, though. All you hear is air softly blowing. It’s better than radiators hissing and clanking like an old-fashioned cash register. I hate radiators. There are only 5 floor vents here. They’re only 8 x 6 inches yet it’s amazing how well they heat a 1400-square-foot apartment.

I spoke with Bob about a half-hour ago. He wishes he had his car fixed. So do I. That way we could get the fuck out. Maybe go to Dunkin Donuts or someplace like that to talk in the wee hours of the night while the rest of the world’s asleep.

I wonder if Mark’s up yet or if he’s even home. Kim gave me 3 pictures Bob took of him in his uniform standing by his cruiser. I called him at 1:30 last night when I heard him come home to tell him I’d be up if he wanted company. Or to hear more edits and have coffee. He said another time would be better as he had a busy night. Two arrests and other shit went on, too. Wouldn’t Mark love to be a cop in Springfield?

I better go get Shadow and leash him down. I have a bad feeling he’s gonna wake me up. I’ll fucking kill him. I’ve got to get on a schedule. If I can somehow sleep past midnight, then till 5 AM on Monday morning, I’ll be all set to go grocery shopping with Cassandra Monday evening.

Later...

I am still up and oh so exhausted.

I forgot to mention that yesterday I got some mail from my parents. I had sent them 10 pictures. Three of them Bob took on my birthday after Kim took me to Ponderosa. Two were of me and Mark setting stuff up when I moved in. One was just of Mark. One of Kim and I. One of Mark and I. Two of me sitting on Kim’s piano bench with Shadow.

They sent them back as I asked them to along with some coupons for cigarettes, cat food, coffee, chocolate pudding, and pads. They also sent this little calendar in which you peel the back off so you can stick it wherever. That was nice of them as I had one stuck to my waterbed shelves last year. Shortly after I moved here, Kim gave me a calendar like that.

I hope Kim is enjoying herself in Florida.

If my parents were to invite me to their place, I’d have to be sure not to be dumb enough to go. Can’t let the thought of tanning and swimming block out my mother’s shit. I’m dying to go swimming and get a tan, but it isn’t worth dealing with her bullshit. Unless I avoided her all the time, that is, but it still isn’t worth it. A person passing up a vacation that’s all paid for is telling you something, huh? With someone like sweet Dureen O included in the package, forget it.

I’m just so drop-dead tired. I don’t think I’ll be able to hold out much longer. I feel like shit, too. I hope I sleep later.

Later...

I put Shadow on his leash down at the bottom by his litter box. From now on, I go by my very strong “feelings.” My feeling told me I’d be woken up by him clawing on the door if I didn’t leash him down.

Ann Marie hasn’t called and frankly, I don’t know if she should call me. She was beautiful, great in bed and was a super nice person, but there were a few things that bugged me. At first, she told me she too, liked the idea of the person not living close by. That way she can have space and not feel smothered. She also told me to be myself yet complains that I’m so sensitive. I told her I’m not used to being touched. When you’re deaf in one ear your other senses are sharper, I told her. There were also things she’d point out about me that she’d call weird, but she’d do the same thing herself. The last time we spoke she says she wishes the person was closer as she’s sick of driving.

Then, she went on and on about my not having a car, yet I told her this when I responded to her ad. Then she went on and on about her grandmother regretting never getting her license and having to depend on a bus or other people. As if she was trying to make me feel guilty and as if I have the money for a car and no fear of driving.

I thought she was gonna accept me the way I am. I told her not to try to change me and that my door’s always open for her to walk out and stay out. I’m not gonna go through it again. The contradictions, I mean. She’s pretty and I like her, but I don’t want to bother. I’ve learned very well that the deeper you get in, the deeper shit you get in. The sexual experience was what was important to me and what I wanted. That, and that only was very very worth it. I only hope there’s no price to pay for that moment of happiness. In 4 more days, we’ll see.

Sunday, January 12, 1992

Well, my schedule’s definitely gotten better. I slept till almost 3 AM. I woke up at 10:30 with just a little wheezing so I got up, took my meds, went to the bathroom, then went back to bed.

During the night I spoke to Bob. Or actually, I didn’t speak to him till 7:30 cuz after I woke up I watched the shows that I had taped.

I changed Shadow’s box, vacuumed out the stairwell and took a walk down to Cumberland. I saw an article with Gloria saying that she was abused sexually at age 9. I wouldn’t be surprised if it were true, even though 95% of the stuff in Star magazine’s bullshit. Also, I wouldn’t be surprised if it were true cuz it’s so common.

I only had $2 and needed milk. I got a microwave hot dog and a candy bar too, but as soon as I can, I’ll get the magazine. I’ve got to spend my cash sparingly, but I’m well held over till I go food shopping. That’ll be tomorrow evening, but I don’t know the exact time.

I had one message when I got up. It was from Mom saying she’ll get in touch with me sometime this week, don’t call her back, and did I get my coupons?

Later...

I did some singing both with and without records.

When I went to call Bob, I dialed wrong and began singing as soon as I heard what I thought was Bob pick up. It was a guy around his age that said, “I like that singing. Do it again.”

Later...

I did more singing and I’m so happy to say that it was truly great. For a while there, I wasn’t exercising my voice regularly and it was either just good or ok. I didn’t really get into the exercises, but nonetheless, it was super good today. It started off a little raspy due to congestion but before long it opened up and cleared up.

About an hour ago I went to call Bob back but Sandra says he took a walk to the store. We spoke for a while and she told me a little about her background and her family. Since she’s got terminal cancer, she’s hoping she can hold out long enough to visit her two aunts in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. That’s so sad.

I wish Mark would be kind enough to call or come over and say hey, I know you’re alone and bored half the time, so how about some company? Or going out for coffee and donuts or something, but no. Do people care anymore? What does he spend all his time doing when he’s not at work? Is he even home now?

Later...

Tony just called. He will be able to drive me to court and back, too.

I think I’ll give Bob a call now. I’m sure he must be back home by now.

I want to try to stay up till 8:00. In order to stay up a while longer, maybe I’ll write some letters. Maybe I can also cook some of that shrimp Tammy gave me.

Tuesday, January 14, 1992

Today’s been pretty good so far. I got up at 5:00 and at 5:45 Bob called. He said he had a car till 2:00 this afternoon. Some guy loaned him the car so Bob could pick his wife up at work at 9:00. Then, bring her to a doctor’s appointment and back to work. I took a shower, straightened my hair and put on some makeup. By 6:45 Bob was here. He brought two plants called Wandering Jews. He also brought over some pound cake, banana nut bread and sample packets of my favorite coffee.

We were both so thrilled to get the hell out so he took me to Food Fart. I needed very badly to go. Cassandra was going to take me last night but I was too tired and I really needed to talk. This all worked out for the better and I spent $101 in food stamps and $18 in cash. I still have almost $60 left for the month.

Besides cigarette money, I still got to get Gloria’s songbook, and Linda has a new album out. It’s in Spanish. The last one was Canciones de mi Padre. I believe this one is Canciones de mi Madre.

Yesterday I spoke to Tracy and my court date isn’t this Wednesday, it’s Thursday. I got in touch with Tony who says it’s no problem. Great.

When Cassandra was here last night, we discussed certain family issues that I’ve written about. She told me her 20s were the pits. Her teens were worse and things really didn’t get better till she reached her 30s. She’s 42 now. She’s very pretty for her age, too. She told me to call her at home and let her know about shopping and court.

It’s good that I got to go to Food Fart today cuz Cassandra wasn’t able to take me until Thursday and that only would’ve been if there was enough time.

Man, is it pouring out! It’s so dark, too. I opened the blinds in the bedroom and it was still too dark to write without the lamp on.

I just came out into the kitchen. If it weren’t for the skylights, most of this place would be quite dim.

This year I’m really anxious for summer to hurry up and arrive. I’ll be seeing Andy in July and if I’m in CT, I can tan at my sister’s with that huge kiddy pool. Also, I can wear my summer clothes.

Even though everyone says I’m nuts, I want to lose 10 pounds anyway. Or basically, pull in my muscles so they’re tauter rather than lumpy and bulky. That way I’ll have a nicer shape.

Well, I think I’ll go see if Mark’s up. Then I’ll call Bob.

Wednesday, January 15, 1992

Andy called earlier this morning. At 8:30.

I’ve been up since 4 AM. I fell asleep last night at 8:00. I feel groggy, though, and I just can’t seem to shake it. Part of it is boredom.

I’ve got to go to court tomorrow and so that’s on my mind. I tell myself not to worry yet I have a bad feeling about my tapes and all the other shit like the wrong way the investigation was handled. I have no idea what the hell’s going on. But I do know this, when I go to Greenfield court to see Sheila, I am gonna file charges on both Maliheh and Jenny. It’s about time the treatment’s fair. I’m not letting anyone ever again get away with not paying for something they’ve done while I have to pay for what I’ve done. Fair is fair and that’s how I operate. I give what I get. That is within reason, of course. Now it’s time for Jenny and Maliheh to have to take a timeout here and there to be dragged through the mud. Face up to what they’ve done wrong just like I had to.

Thursday, January 16, 1992

Boy, did I have a great day. They dismissed my case in Northampton and are going along with the Greenfield disposition. I will not have to go back to Northampton court again. All I have to do is see Sheila every now and then and continue with Cassandra. That’s no problem.

Tony and I went to a Chinese restaurant after.

Yesterday I got an unexpected surprise in the mail from my parents. A $10 bill along with some cigarette coupons.

I had a very positive talk yesterday with Tammy, too. We got a lot of stuff out in the open.

Friday, January 17, 1992

Andy may be calling tonight. I forgot which nights he said were his nights off.

Fran must’ve forgotten my new number again as I have not heard from him. It usually takes 2 or 3 times for him to remember stuff like that.

Andy should’ve received his letter along with his bracelet by now. I’m working on several letters right now. I got a postcard in the mail from Kim today. She says she’s really enjoying herself and has a nice tan. That I can surely believe. She tans easily and is darker to begin with. She included some lines on the postcard. The mailman must’ve been quite confused. Kim will be back in 6 days. That’ll be nice as seldom as I see her anyway.

I’ve spoken briefly to Bob yesterday and I’m gonna give him a call soon.

”Shauna D” was enrolled in the Mystery Guild book club by Andy. Shauna’s getting two free books now for enrolling “Saundra C.”

I spoke to Ann Marie last night. We had a very pleasant talk. However, I don’t have a car and it’s just oh-so easier to be alone. We discussed her coming up for a visit which is nice but we’re gonna remain friends. She needs to find someone, ready, able, willing and not afraid or insecure. I feel I have nothing to offer her or anyone else other than friendship or sex. I was open and honest with her. I had to be. We discussed how my therapist says I push people away subconsciously but I can’t help it. I have to do what I have to do. I can’t be changed into relationship material. It is too late. The damage is done and the way I am is the way I am. There are some things that are so much a part of us and we cannot change. I can’t handle too much closeness. Also, I don’t have any real desire or will that one needs if they do want more than friendship and sex. What can I do? At least I was upfront about it. I had to say hey, this is who I am. I really admire her a lot. She’s so beautiful, too. Therefore, I hope she meets the right woman and settles down with her. She really really deserves it. A person like her shouldn’t have to be alone. She has so much to offer. A hell of a lot to offer.

Wednesday, January 22, 1992

Bob’s on the phone now and he’s watching his sign language tape. I just hung up with him so I could write. I know I have several things to write about but my mind sort of went blank.

Last Sunday, or last Saturday actually, I did quite a bit around here. First, I made a plant hanger from the ribbons Kim gave me. I put it up by the attic inside the alcove, on the side sticking out. It looks nice there and it’s out of Shadow’s reach. Plants really do something for apartments, houses or any place. I want to get into plant collecting as it really makes the place look nice.

I also took some round coasters and cut out pictures of Gloria to fit in them. They look nice.

Now for what really looks super cool. I went and got that huge glassed-in picture that I had put in the little hall between our doors. I busted it out of the frame, took the cardboard backing, the picture itself and made a huge picture collage. I have 36 pictures on one and almost 40 on the other. These are of the family. And friends too. There are Lisa, Becky, Sarah, Tammy, Bill, Mom, Dad, Andy, Kim, Mark and me.

Yesterday was a horror story. Due to the fact that I don’t have a lease, the landlord can ask you to move for no reason at all. I spoke with Peter, who says he’s giving me till March 1st, as these people are pressuring him about moving in. I told him it’s not my fault that last December I was 100% sure I was moving and that my mom backed out. I said I’d take him to court if I had to and the law doesn’t allow you to fuck with someone who’s on SS or SSI so easily. I went through this with Russ and even though I won him over, I wasn’t about to put up with it all over again. I’ve been through so much shit in the last year, both my fault and not my fault.

He spoke with Tammy and he’s gonna “work with her” so to speak and try to have a little compassion and understanding. I spoke with George today and he said, “You could stay forever and ever, it’s just that you did say you were moving.”

So, I explained to him what’s going on and he said to just hang in there as things do get better and he’s sympathetic to both sides. These people are living with their in-laws and are going crazy. I’m isolated with nothing and nobody and going crazy myself.

A part of me was telling myself, keep calm, it’ll work out, you’ve been through so much shit already, you can handle one more piece of shit, relax and don’t let them win. The other part said - I’ve had it and I don’t give a shit!

That was when I cut myself.

Sunday, January 26, 1992

Kim got home the other day and she has a great tan. She gave me this really cute satin pillow which is small and has silk flowers on it. It also has silk ribbons all over it such as the ones that are in my journals that I made bookmarks out of. It’s got lace outlining on all sides and it can be hung on the wall. She also gave me a glass butterfly and an elephant. A tiny porcelain-like heart-shaped jewelry box. Or for whatever you want to use it for. Lastly, she gave me a 10”x10” or so heart that sticks on both sides. So I peeled them both off and stuck on an old blue glittery type material from a shirt Andy gave me before he left. When I move, I’ll put the yellow bow Kim made for me in the center of it and hang it.

The reason why I’m not gonna put anything together here anymore is cuz I’m finally moving. Tammy was able to get the girl at the NHA to move me to the top of the list. Also to get mom to keep her word about paying for the move. Tammy’s got some friends to help move me and she’s gonna rent a U-Haul.

George mailed Tammy a note which she gave to the girl in the office there about how the other people he rented my place out to are hounding him to move in here.

I called and spoke to a woman named Mary Jane. She told me a few things about the apartment. One thing is that it’s on the 1st floor and that makes me a little nervous. I haven’t seen the general layout inside and outside but I hope no one rips me off while I’m out. Also, if I want to leave my windows open at night while I’m asleep, will it be safe? Who knows, but I’ll mind my own business even though that sometimes doesn’t work. I will not associate with my neighbors even though the girl said there’s only one family near me. There are 4 apartments side by side and I’m on the end. The people next to me are a husband and wife with 4 kids. Even though I’ve basically had excellent neighbors, I’m out to avoid people like Bonnie and Brenda. Plus, I always start off with a problem or a fight with someone, then we’ve become friends. Yet I no longer care to stick it out and go through that again till the happy ending comes around. For example, I don’t want to be at a female neighbor’s house, get along with her very well and have her brother who’s a pervert bother me. I’ll only go off on a rampage and start a fight with the guy. I will not kiss ass or try to be friendly and resolve any problems or misunderstandings. I will not let any problems or misunderstandings start in the first place. That is if I can help it, of course. If a guy knocks on my windows, that’s a different ballgame. I will open the door and do my best to bash his head into dog meat. Overall, I do like the idea of having no one above or below me. Only on one side of me and there’s probably a firewall there. There was a firewall between me and Anna and Julia on Oswego St. but not between me and Mattie so who knows. The girl told me music is no problem. The people next door play it, too.

It has no apartment number or letter, I guess. It has hardwood floors, no dishwasher or disposal. Not even laundry facilities on the premises. She said there is a hook-up for a washer and a huge clothesline out back. They’re gonna be installing dryer hook-ups. Tammy said for now I can do my wash at her place and save up for a second-hand washer. I can do that in a couple of months as the rent’s only $138! Heat and hot water are included. The electricity, I’ll still have to pay. Tammy saw it and she said it is small and definitely not what I’m used to, but what do you expect for $138?

Tomorrow sometime, I’ll write more about the move and about Cassandra who I am gonna desperately miss even more than Kim. I’m going to miss her most of all and I have become very fond of her and I wish there were more people like her. The world could use that.

Later...

Well, I sure as hell hope I’m not up all night. I didn’t get up till 1:30. I have to back my schedule up quite a bit if I’m gonna go for that test on Wed.

Kim gave me some trash compactor bags I bought from her as well as gave her the money she left me. She had left me $30 till Tony was able to bring me to court and back. I gave Mark $20 while Kim was in Florida. Tonight I wrote out a check for the remaining $10, plus the 2 trash compactor bags. That was a total of $11. I owe nothing to no one now. Just $21 to the phone company, $58 to the electric, and $260.52 to Peter. I’m only paying him half of the rent as I’ll be gone in the middle of Feb.

I’ve got to get ahold of Tracy about my tapes. She’s so hard to reach and takes forever to return your calls.

Tuesday, January 28, 1992

I’m only gonna write a little as I am very tired. I met with Cassandra today and that was nice.

The American Music Awards was on and to my surprise, Gloria wasn’t even there or nominated. Yesterday Jessie called to tell me Gloria was on channel 3 but I can’t get that. Gloria’s gonna be on the Disney channel for 3 different nights and I want to try to get Tammy to tape it for me. I doubt she’ll want to bother, though.

Around 8:00 this evening I got two pranks from that same guy who called the other number. It figures I’d get a call while I was taping channel 40 and watching channel 22. I told the guy to call me in a few hours. Meanwhile, he could entertain my machine. I was hoping he’d call back after 11:00, but he failed to after all. Bummer.

I’m 99% sure it’s an associate of Maliheh’s. There’s no way it could be Fran as this is the same person who mentioned the CC. Knowing I was there, I mean, and Fran never knew I was there. I doubt it’s tied in with the cops or anyone else who works downstairs cuz how would they know? Mark would admit to it for sure if he’d put a friend up to it. The only other possibility is someone who works at the CC, but that’s highly unlikely. It’s Maliheh.

Later...

Well, I got my schedule all fucking screwed up again. Whenever I do go to sleep, I’ll have to allow myself only two hours of sleep. I hope to hell I hear the alarm. I’ve got to go to the store for some cigarettes.

Earlier this evening Kim made us some popcorn. I watched TV and typed a letter to Nervous. I have a letter for Fran, too, along with my bills. I’m gonna also send Andy a letter and pretty much count on only me sending letters. He’ll only send one once a year. Maybe twice if I’m lucky and I hound him for it. He tried calling yesterday around noon. He left a quick message singing part of one of Gloria’s songs.

It would be nice if I could hurry up and get an exact moving date. That way I can begin with all the transferring. Such as my bank, SS, and I’ll have to make several other calls.

What the fuck is taking Tracy forever to return my call? I’m just gonna call the police station myself. I’ve got to get my stuff back.

Thursday, January 30, 1992

Kim was over earlier and she got all my stuff out of the attic. Boy, is that thing dusty! She gave me 3 more boxes, too.

Dad called at 11:00 this evening, and I also had a nice chat with Tammy.

In the morning I must call the DA about my tapes. Tracy never returned my calls. Carol told me to call the DA. God, I hope and I pray all goes well with that! Please, God! Let me have all my tapes back. Please! Know what they mean to me. Know they will not be abused. I have learned my lesson once and for all. Please, if there’s a God and he can hear me, please let me have all my tapes as they were.

I don’t know just when I will go to bed, but I should soon. That way I won’t sleep too late.

Friday, January 31, 1992

I am on the phone now with Bob but he just hung up. He’s got a new job and is tired and must get up at 5:00 this morning. Lucky for him he’s so tired. I wish I could say the same for myself. The truth is, I got myself on a screwy schedule again as I knew I would.

I’ve got to call Carol back tomorrow. I called the DA’s office that’s been jerking me around since day one and they will not speak to me. Only Tracy can call them but she hasn’t called them, the PD or me. So I told them fine, defense wins in this case and I’m going to take matters into my own hands now and handle the rest of this case by myself. I will get those tapes back.

As usual, I only spoke to Kim for two seconds. She was only home an hour and God only knows if she’s home yet. For her to be out at 2:00 in the morning, though, would mean she’s on an ambulance all.

I started to pack a little more but I wish Tammy would hurry up and call with a definite date. That way I can get started with all the bullshit I’ve got to do both here and when I get there. Here, I must go to the bank, figure out a way to transfer my prescriptions, call SS and food stamps, put in a change of address at the post office. I’ve also got to get groceries and figure out what the hell to do about Sheila. She has to be able to see me Tuesday as that’s one day Kim’s free. I will call her tomorrow. When I move I’ll have to get a new doctor like Dr. Leitch, get that lactose test, see a dentist, call SS and food stamps and get a new bank.

Later...

I just had some cereal and looked through my photo album. I opened up my skylight and some other windows after I put the ceiling fan on and aired this dusty place out. I sure am gonna miss the ceiling fan, the skylight, the Jacuzzi, the dishwasher, garbage disposal, washer, dryer and all this space. And central AC, too.

As soon as I move, I will save up to buy a secondhand washer.

Later...

I am sitting here listening to my tapes of Andy calling the CC. He’s having a “major problem” with looking out his window and seeing cactuses and palm trees. He also says it is very warm out with lots of sunshine. Everyone else is telling him it’s dark out and very cold out. He also has a very very strange sister who has a crazy laugh and says all these things that make no sense at all.

I took an old bathing suit which is too big, cut the material and covered one of my not-too-attractive journals with it. Sort of like how you put a book cover on a book.

Later...

I’m doing much better at changing my schedule than I thought I would. I called Sheila and she’s moved my appointment from Mon. at 4:15 to Tues. at 10:15. I will fill out the transfer papers with her. Mon. at 6:30 I see Cassandra.

I called Sally and Jill. Jill answered and she now has her own room. She said she’ll be having lunch with Sally and will give her my new number. They never got my new number after they returned from vacation as Jill said the system was down. They both sound super nice and who knows? Maybe I can get a little fun before I move. Of course, the question is, will I get so lucky again as far as sexual attraction? And so soon, too?

I called Carol, who got a call from the DA’s office. I’m gonna call Chief B next Mon.

I spoke to George too, who said it was fine with him if I drain the waterbed out the bedroom window in the front. Kim was paranoid about that and insisted we do it out the back. I told Kim that water wouldn’t destroy the planet. It rains and snows, doesn’t it?

George emptied my barrel outside and it broke cuz it was frozen so he gave me a new one. He said I could take it with me and that they’d give me boxes.

I think I’ll go now and listen to some more tapes.

Mark’s awake. I just heard him flush the toilet. Mark played a funny prank on me the other day. I also played one on him in return. I will write all about that later. Current Location: Massachusetts

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alabasterpickles · 3 years ago

Note

I have a favor for Amelie.

She’s got this! ✨

#these probably won’t be a regular thing but they’re fun so I’ll try them #asks #fan OC #morgane0311 #Amelie Dupont

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joyswonderland1108 · 2 years ago

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Am i ranting again?

I probably am but whatevuh!

So by now y’all know i’m on tiktok a lot of time and naturally i get a lot of videos about our boys. Thing is, i come across some “ship” videos that include either Jimin or JK with another member and the comments be saying “It’s always these two” and i’m like No bitch, it’s not AlWaYs ThEsE tWo, y’all are just so fucking blind to the “other two” that’s what it is.

Cause i’ll be damned if being flirtatious is for some reason considered gay if it’s Jimin or JK with any other member but NOT when they’re flirting with each other.. I’m sorry Ma’am but imma need some explanation over here cause ?!!?!

And you know what’s silly? All these damn excuses that for some reason only pop up when it comes to Jikook. Y’all were adamant about the hickey or as y’all like to convince yourselves being just a “bite” (well technically speaking a hickey is called a love bite but they ain’t ready for that one) or a cover up for JK’s “girlfriend” but surprise surprise when Jimin wasn’t even brought up in the equation with Joon, hickeys suddenly became a Jimin thing.

So we over here always twisting the boys words to fit your unresolved hatred towards any possible deeper bond between Jimin and JK but my question is why is it THAT bad for them to be a thing? Cause i don’t see anyone combusting when they talk about these two being with any other member i mean.. Is the world ending if Jikook are a thing or..? What am i missing? What are we trying to dismiss their bond for?

Thing is, they’ve always been sus

They’ve always been a lil..

Fruity..

But the narrative is that, apparently, all the things they’ve been up to is such a normal thing to do with friends, besties, um.. siblings.. parents.. Okay yeah Margaret this is disturbing

I can pretend and go along with that lame ass excuse of that being “normal” between friends but when we’re tip toeing a bit too close to sweet home Alabama i can’t follow anymore. Cause you know you won’t catch me on a regular Sunday just making out with my brother’s neck you know.. I also know for a fact that if anyone other than my so was licking my ear they’re getting my elbow right on the nose.

“Why do you always bring up things that happened in the past? 🙄” Well i mean we always tend to talk more about the most shocking things don’t we? But truth is that there’s a whole list out there for things Jikook do every year that make me side-eye. We ain’t even recovered yet from the domesticity that emanated from a comment exchange, the whole context of it, let alone stuff that happened in front of our salads.

You know about muscle memory right? So when your homie is teasing you, cupping your face, your initial reflex ain’t puckering your lips fam..

Bruh i’m not even going to talk about how these two be having the gayest photoshoots

You also won’t catch me thirst trapping my bro or just canoodling in a dark corner in a party where people are supposed to be having fun with friends ya know. Now of course i ain’t crazy to be thinking that every interaction out there means something deep, there’s a whole thought process, a whole context, a whole understanding to do, a whole knowledge of the person, etc..

Something you have to ask yourself “Did A ever do to anyone else what they’ve just done to B?” If the answer is yes of course you can look further into it since as i said there’s also context in there and depending on that (of course we’re talking here about stuff that seem sus anything else is just that no need to dig further into it) but if the answer is no you’ve got your answer right there.

(Credits to Dalto on Twitter)

Sure enough this is playful this is cute but this is that, as a non-jikooker you are free to see this as friends being friends you know i won’t judge you, i personally see it and it warms my heart but i won’t be jumping on my bed screaming yet.

Initially here JK was supposed to be in the middle but we all know how many times that boy tried to fool Joon into thinking that he forgot he was supposed to be in the middle lol I guess that day Joon just gave up on trying because naturally our Jikook tend to gravitate towards each other, just another Tuesday really.. Again i can see people dismissing this and downplaying it but we all know damn well that once something start becoming a bit of a habit.. You start wondering why (y’all already know why lol)

I know that this post might make absolutely no sense, literally i was just sitting around doing nothing and decided to write, i can’t even focus to make shit organized but hey.. bear with me. My point is, why are people too set on making everything BTS do gay until Jimin and JK do it together? I can understand that coming from the cult for very obvious reason despite it not making any sense but whatever, but why are other people completely loosing their shit over it too?

#jikook #minkook #Kookmin #Minggukie

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redrose-arrow · 3 years ago

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ranger’s apprentice characters as customers i have served

[endearingly, pt. 2/2]

HALT I am terrified to serve. He looks aggressive and high-maintenance. I try to plan stuff in such a manner that I don’t have to serve him but my boss doesn’t fall for it and leaves it up to me regardless. Turns out, he is really nice, very patient and kind and tips well.

CROWLEY has “experience in serving” and decides to “help me” by stacking the plates etc. I take them, thank him, and turn around to try and stack them differently on my card so I can work more efficiently. He doesn’t notice. PAULINE does. I think she told Crowley off, because he doesn’t do it during the next course. Still, he’s extremely helpful (genuinely this time), because he tells everyone to hand me the stuff I can’t reach. It really does make everything easier for me.

Sometimes, PAULINE and SANDRA will come together, usually straight from work. Sandra was there during my first day already, like literally the first day, I hadn’t even been hired yet and my boss introduced me to her as “the new employee”. Big stress but she’s literally the sweetest. It’s very busy one night, so I decide not to prioritise them because at least they won’t yell at me. I apologise constantly for taking so long but they don’t mind, they’re really kind and I get them some extra drinks. Sandra once crocheted me a heart keychain. Pauline talks with me about European politics.

ARALD has trouble picking a topping for his icecream dessert. Finally, he picks one. I put the order in and charge him for the one topping. I ask my boss to give him the other topping as well. When I serve him his dessert, he looks like the happiest man in the world.

BERRIGAN and FARRELL come together occasionally. They don’t interact much with me - obviously this is just their standard night out with good food and good company. They gossip and have lots of fun without disturbing other guests.

PRITCHARD is also a regular. He’s old, though, not very mobile anymore and very forgetful. He knows me and remembers me but is constantly surprised I can “anticipate” his order (he orders the same thing each week). We have the exact same conversation each week, but it’s okay because he’s also always equally excited. When I serve him his second drink and go get his food, he raises his glass at me and tells me he’ll “toasts to [me]”. When I went out at the restaurant with own family, I went to say hi to him. He didn’t remember me. I haven’t seen him in a few weeks and just hope he’s okay.

DAVID and DUNCAN called to make a reservation for late at night and apparently asked my boss if I was working. She says yes, but it’s a quiet night and I’ve had a long day before work, so I’ll probably be gone by the time they come. So they decide to come earlier???? We talk for a few minutes. I remember their faces obviously but that’s about it. I honestly even forgot they knew my name. One of them says “Rosalie knows what we like, we don’t need to order it” and so I panic because I’m tired and a little forgetful sometimes and absolutely do not know what they like. The other laughs and still repeats the order thank goodness, my boss helps me remember the rest when I send the order to the kitchen. They make some bad server’s jokes but it’s in good faith so I don’t mind. They remember my whole ordeal with getting a driver’s licence and ask how that’s been going. I still leave early but not without going back in to tell them goodbye.

#redrose rants #ranger's apprentice #rangers apprentice #john flanagan #halt o'carrick #pauline dulacy #crowley meratyn #arald #sandra #duncan #david #farrell #berrigan #pritchard

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oddballwriter · 2 years ago

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MH Guys w/ a Partner who Babies Their Pet(s)

Warnings: Mentions of arachnids (spiders and one mention of a scorpion)

Author’s Snip: It doesn’t really matter what animal you have. They’re your baby regardless so you can apply whatever pert you have, whether it’s a cat, rodent, or snake.

I’ll shut up now. Enjoy!

꒦꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦

Jay

Jay gets it

He knows damn well that pets are some owners’s baby, so if you baby and spoil your pet then he won’t judge at all

He wants your pet to like him

He seems like a he likes any type of pet but he has a soft spot for cats, rodents, and reptiles

So if you have those then they have immediately won him over

He asks if he can handle/play with your pet because like... how doesn’t wanna try and hang out with their partner’s pet?

He honestly would baby it too

If you two live together and you bring the pet with you, which you obviously will cause it’s your baby, then you guys will just straight up treat it him its your first born child

Tim

He seems like he secretly babies any pet he would have

Like when no one is home with him, he just starts to baby them a bit

He is 100% a cat and or rodent person

If you have a pet rat or ferret or whatever, he will lose his mind

He will always put the rat in his pocket

Lets get one thing straight though, he babies them a little bit, only a little bit

But if you are spoiling the fell out of your pet, he’ll kinda be like “Okay then”

But like, idk maybe he just gets used to you pretty much spoiling your pet

Brian

Brian finds it funny that you treat your pet like it’s your baby and proceed to spoil it, but he can understand why you might do that

He just treats them like an animal and pet

He is a bit interested if you have a unique pet like a spider or a reptile

He’ll ask what it’s like having and taking care of one

But don’t worry, he’ll still love your pet regardless of what it is

I have a feeling that both Tim and Brian just have this aura and vibe that just... attracts animals towards them

He just seems like once your pet is used to him being in their space/handling them then they’d be completely chill

But yeah, he’s fine with you babying your pet but don’t expect him to really be doing that

Alex

He kind of makes fun of you and says that there’s not real reason to baby an animal, but you do you

Alex is more used to regular pets like cats, dogs, or a fish

If you have something less conventional like a rodent or bird he’s fine with it

But spiders/scorpions and snakes freak him out

He’ll still play and hang out with your pet

Before anyone says anything, I don’t think he’d hate dogs, he was just being stalked by a eldritch entity in the woods and that would put a lot of stress on a person so he probably snapped and that’s why he got made about Seth bringing his dog to the shoot

He can wait for your pet to get used to him

But he might cry a bit if your cat or dog lays down on his lap

#marble hornets #slenderverse #mh jay #mh tim #mh brian #mh alex #marble hornets x reader #slenderverse x reader #mh tim x reader #mh alex x reader #mh brian x reader #mh jay x reader

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inkmemes · 4 years ago

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young royals ( 2021 ) sentence starters ↪ taken from netflix’s swedish ya drama. non-contextual spoilers. trigger warning for mentions of sexual activity, drugs, alcohol, death, implied internalised homophobia, bullying. alter as you see fit ♡

“at least you can stay for a cup of coffee?”

“hey, wait up. did you sleep together?”

“he's probably making out with someone. forget it.”

“i can't take it anymore.”

“what are you doing?”

“and he had to finish your sentence. what's going on? you like him.”

“every time you see your dad, you get all depressed.”

“you're still here, so obviously you must want something.”

“are you high? what the hell are you on?”

“does this make you horny?”

“i like [town name], but i don't want to live here forever.”

“you can leave now. go home. i'm staying here for the weekend.”

“do you want chocolate?”

“how do you feel?”

“it's kind of hard to tell them apart, you know.”

“you're a worthless drunk.”

“you … you need to figure out what you want. and you can take all the time you need. and i respect that. but you have to do it by yourself. i don't want to be anyone's secret.”

“you have to stop pretending that you're not afraid.”

“that's the thing, i just don't want that.”

“it's something new. something fresh.”

“can we talk privately for a minute?”

“and if anyone gives you a hard time, you know, just let me know, and i'll take care of it.”

“you do know you don't need to hide?”

“are you gonna let us in?”

“promise to let me know if there's anything i can do.”

“hey, we won't go blind from your moonshine, right?”

“i'm just getting a good vibe. that's all.”

“you're so fucking pathetic.”

“you realize that this will have consequences?”

“he's such a fucking idiot.”

“i wanted us to have a few minutes alone.”

“when you're young, love feels like the most important thing in the world.”

“i really like you.”

“felt like i had to rescue you from that situation.”

“it got so damn hot in there, i thought i'd get some fresh air.”

“you are allowed your own opinions. it's cool.”

“i've seen the way you look at each other.”

“here, this one is a little big for me, but i think it'll look great on you.”

“do you think royal dick is different than regular?”

“you're the only one here i feel i can actually talk to.”

“i haven't heard anything yet, but i'll tell you as soon as i do.”

“you can't just lie here jerking off.”

“i don't want to go to some fucking boarding school!”

“i've missed this place so much.”

“are you going to horror movie night on friday?”

“but i like you. and that is not fake.”

“you don't need to share everything.”

“we should go to a concert again sometime.”

“you're fucking crazy!”

“where have you been? i've been trying to reach you.”

“just don't use the school's wi-fi for porn surfing. could be embarrassing.”

“but no matter what, they can't dictate what you say.”

“sorry about last night.”

“i don't want to talk to you!”

“i don't wanna sound like an idiot.”

“i was thinking, would you like to have a sleepover at my place? because that's something friends do. it's going to be really cozy.”

“i think maybe we should forget about that.”

“you can't really see that it is you.”

“i mean, it could be anyone. it's so fucking stupid.”

“i don't want to say anything.”

“now you're doing it again. you're trying to take care of me.”

“i can take it, it's okay.”

“that's not true. i haven't spoken to my parents.”

“we haven't done anything wrong.”

“you're beautiful! you're so beautiful.”

“i'm gay, [name].”

“seriously? what the fuck is your problem?”

“you keep letting people piss on you!”

“i just assumed you didn't want special treatment.”

“keep your friends close and your enemies closer.”

“so you thought you'd start spreading false rumours without having any proof?”

“i just didn't want to lose you.”

“uh, there's pizza left if you want some.”

“everybody thinks you're perfect. you know that, right?”

“he's just been outed.”

“i'm going to fuck this up.”

“he bloody ruined my fucking life!”

“why are you sitting in your room sulking when you have a crush to hang out with?”

“hi. sorry, i was feeling a bit better. so i thought it was okay that i hung out with some friends.”

"everyone should be allowed to live as gay or straight or whatever they want.”

“i woke up in my own bed. that's always something.”

“could i just have one second? just one second alone, please?”

“i’m sorry. but it was, like, the only way.”

“i thought, everyone deserves a second chance.”

“i'm sorry about the mess. i wasn't expecting such distinguished company.”

“i just don't want you to be treated badly again.”

“oh, fuck.”

“you don't even… aren't you even gonna answer me?”

“i didn't know that one was supposed to sign up.”

“in real life, you don't pay to get ahead.”

“and what the fuck does your dad do?”

“let's try to have some table manners.”

“it's, like, really serious.”

“who the hell can live like this for three fucking years?”

“that's what happens when you buy the cheap ones.”

“i need your help with something. ”

“being a prince is not a punishment, but a privilege.”

“it's awesome to just chill out.”

“or maybe he lied about that too. what do i know?”

“you have to give people a chance.”

“you have to try to see it from my perspective.”

“what the hell's this?”

“what happened to "we should forget about it"?”

“stop being so fucking stubborn and try to understand my situation.”

“sometimes it's better not to say everything.”

“i was just bored.”

“have you ever had a boyfriend?”

“sometimes it's better to keep quiet.”

“can i get you some coffee?”

“nobody else cares about these things.”

“i lost track of time.”

“everybody does the same things and everybody knows everybody.”

“thanks for rescuing me yesterday.”

“remember when he came up to us the first week and was like, "what's up?"”

“i need you to delete all our texts.”

“i can't keep doing this anymore.”

“are you gonna let them go on with their bullshit?”

“i want to be with you.”

“here's a blanket, a pillow, and bed sheets. there you go.”

“okay, yeah. you don't seem to have grasped what i'm trying to say.”

“it's usually boring as hell.”

“he's been dealing to us for months.”

“i don't want to talk to him.”

“don't you wanna date [name] anymore?”

“i don't know why he's started texting me again. he knows i don't want anything to do with him.”

“yeah, we had a shitload of drugs.”

“we could murder someone, and nobody would say a word.”

“she needs some fun.”

“he's just doing it to fuck with me.”

“it's such a weird question.”

“i just wanted to say hi. i don't believe we've met. ”

“but i still want us to be friends.”

“if i were to stay here… would you… like to keep me company? just you and me.”

“everything's, like, upside down now.”

“have you always lived here?”

“damn it. sorry. shit. i completely forgot.”

“i'm sure someone has a story to tell.”

“you've got to put yourself first. i mean, no matter what he thinks about it.”

“come on! you can't just sit there stuck in your room.”

“you can snuggle up in my safe arms if it gets scary.”

“i want to live a normal life.”

“let me have a look. you can hardly see it.”

“any other dick that's been sucked?”

“you just expect everything to be on your terms.”

“i want to know everything!”

“you don't have to go there. i'll take care of myself.”

“has anyone ever told you how pretty you are?”

“i'll just stay in and go to bed early.”

“thanks for explaining the schedule.”

“i'd rather die.”

“i don't want you to be mad.”

“promise to tell me if something is wrong.”

“i can't be dressed like this if you're dressed like that.”

“it's really complicated.”

“it feels like you don't care what people think about you, or if you have a lot of friends and stuff.”

“nobody asked you to come. feel free to leave if you want.”

“well, nobody has ever, ever asked for this!”

“there isn't so much to do around here.”

“you've become such a snob.”

“i know you're only trying to help me.”

“do you like it here?”

“i don't wanna go in there. we're not even invited. fuck this.”

“don't you think it's weird [name] invited us to come?”

“if they hadn't been here, would you've, uh, made out with me?”

“so, you're an actual proper couple now?”

“you're thinking about someone else.”

“you're right. we're doing this together.”

“thanks… for nothing.”

“why are you even so obsessed with him?”

“i want you to hold me.”

“call me when you want to be picked up.”

“what the fuck do you care?”

“i don't think we're a couple or anything. i don't know what it is.”

“you never asked me!”

“your focus should be on comforting me so that i can comfort him.”

“it's not that hard. you have to be able to keep up appearances.”

“famous people make videos like that.”

“maybe somebody forgot to tell me, as usual.”

“just make a move on [name] and show him what you want.”

“you wanna stay a while and jam?”

“have you talked to your parents about it?”

“a diverse bunch of losers, who'll never amount to anything.”

“why can't i decide how the hell i want to live?”

“apparently, i'm the only one who doesn't know everybody.”

“i used to have straight a's on every test.”

“it will damage our reputation.”

“i'm fucking starving.”

“why is it called tax "evasion" but welfare "scam"? it's all right that rich people cheat, but when poor people do it, it's messed up. for rich people, it's not even called "welfare”, it's called "deduction."”

“what the fuck is rowing?”

“what the hell have you done, [name]?”

“good voice, man.”

“why can't i just have a relationship with him?”

“did you have fun last friday?”

“all the people are fake. they're made out of metal.”

what do you want me to say? i'm sorry!”

“is this some kind of prank?”

“i like you when you are yourself!”

“but you like him, don't you?”

“she shouldn't talk to you like that.”

“are you into him?”

“something's not right, i think we should head back to the road.”

“do you have trouble sleeping?”

“doesn't anyone care what i want?”

“just don't tell anyone that i've been here.”

“i was going to text you back, but…”

“your only mistake was that you hung out with the wrong kind of people.”

“i just wanted to help.”

“i know you'll use anything to get high or drunk.”

“it's time to stop being so selfish.”

“i just want my fucking money.”

“you should've planned ahead. didn't you bring a sandwich?”

“who the fuck wants to be normal anyway?”

“you fucking told me you were the one i could always come to!”

“i take it back.”

“i can see there's something going on.”

“i have to finish getting ready, so if you could please leave.”

“no one likes me when i'm myself.”

“i hope you have a nice christmas.”

“i'm gonna do the wrong things, say the wrong things.”

“my mom is gonna kill me.”

“do you remember what you said to me last night?”

“i cannot be dragged into this.”

“i like you too.”

“you're no longer a part of my family.”

“it's well-suited for smaller people.”

“i assume that he thought that it would make him popular.”

“i didn't ask for this!”

“it's no problem. i like doing it.”

“it feels like i'm gonna throw up.”

“don't i get any breakfast?”

“whatever i do, i can't do anything right.”

“we haven't been to any party whatsoever.”

“did you get my texts?”

“i think it sounds romantic.”

“uh, wait, you have to come to the horror movie night on friday.”

“i liked what you said in there, [name].”

“okay, maybe he used to be a player, but love can actually change you.”

“it's nice to make an effort and dress up for dinner.”

“i'm in a fucked-up situation and i'm trying to talk to you.”

“you don't understand. i was gonna pay it.”

“you're not that kind of guy.”

“i was about to go outside and, um, do you wanna come with?”

“what about me?”

“it was… okay, i guess.”

“can i sit with you?”

“you call this a scary movie?”

“i have a million things to take care of, i don't have time to talk to you.”

“have you lost it completely?”

“but i'm starving.”

“this past year has been difficult for me.”

“i don't get it. she's making it into such a big deal.”

“no, this won't work. just take it off, please.”

“i'm not like that.”

“fuck you. it's not a crush.”

“then i know that i can't count on you.”

“can't you come see me in [town] sometime?”

“it's just that we can't be seen together.”

“he was still sleeping when i walked in.”

“doesn't bother me at all. i've seen it. absolutely. 100%.”

“[name] is really getting on my nerves! seriously.”

“i want us to be friends again.”

“i thought you and [name] were friends.”

“make sure you check your dms. okay?”

“you think it's fun to fuck with people like me?”

“never spend money you don't have. okay?”

“you think i'm stupid?”

“this sucks.”

“how nice to see some smiles.”

“this isn't just about me, but my entire family.”

“i'm going to marry her.”

“are you threatening me?”

“don't you realize the shit storm that follows if i come out?”

“i don't want you to talking to her.”

“remember what we saw during movie night? when they sat next to each other?”

“i love you.”

“i just want to hang out with you.”

"there's no point in having a back-up if you never use it."

“pretend i'm saying something clever.”

“how's [name]? he must be totally devastated.”

“what do you think they think we're talking about?”

“everything is fake. everything in the world is fake.”

“[name] is dead.”

“it just wasn't what i thought it would be like.”

“since when did you start liking him for real?”

“what a fucking douchebag. god!”

“what the hell are you saying? chill out!”

#rp meme #rp prompt #rp starters #rp sentence meme #rp sentence starters #it's long but i like my memes chunky <3 #lemme know if u'd prefer i do things in parts tho !#also everyone watch this show immediately :knife:

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cinnamon-sticks-and-coffee-cups · 3 years ago

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salut tout le monde !! it’s been too long I know T-T sadly I’ve been a little demotivated recently, but luckily that’s what led to todays post! since I’ve been feeling worn out lately but still want to keep up with my studies, I’ve decided to share my top lazy language student tips~ please enjoy <3

•

⁎⁺˳✧༚ kahoots

i love these because they’re fun, quick and a stupid, lighthearted way to at least keep me interacting with french daily. the music is silly and makes me happy, and there’s a bunch of different topics and areas you can quiz yourself on. you can do some kahoots with specific themed vocab or find a general knowledge quiz or something that’s written in your target language. kahoots remind me of messing around with my friends and it honestly just makes me smile haha

⁎⁺˳✧༚ fanfic

i read a lot of fanfic anyways as a result of being chronically online, so why not do that in french? i have actually found some of my favourite authors through reading french fanfics. i like them because it’s a reminder of just how much is opened up to you when you learn a second language which can be really motivating, and they also ensure i get my regular hurt/comfort fix. it exposes me to colloquial language and different dialects, and is also a good way to keep me actually interested in learning when i feel like crap.

⁎⁺˳✧༚ word of the day

sometimes i’m super super busy or completely to forget to study, but still don’t want to have a ‘no zero’ day when it comes to pursuing my language goals. so, i will literally only learn one new word. i’ll find an interesting word related to what i did that day or one of my passions, try and pair it with my current vocab and use it in a sentence and then add it to my word of the day flashcards deck. it sounds simple, but i’m still engaging with the language at least a little bit.

⁎⁺˳✧༚ youtube

this is a very general topic, so allow me to expand. i use youtube once at least everyday - be that for a workout, a tutorial, leisure, study or work. but it’s so easy to make this contribute to my goals by just trying to find a similar video in french! looking for a setting in your phone? find a tutorial vid in your target lang. doing some morning stretches? 15 min video in your target lang probably has you covered. it’s quick and simple and doesn’t feel like as much effort as hauling all my study supplies out and pouring over a textbook for two hours.

⁎⁺˳✧༚ digital diary

if i haven’t done anything to study french in the day, a typical solution of mine is to write a diary entry in french. because i use a digital diary, i like to decorate it with memes i found funny/sweet, annotated photos from my day, screenshots of messages with my friends and songs i’ve been enjoying. i can do all of this in french just as easily as i can do it in english, which means i can tick off two things on my to-do list in one sitting and have fun at the same time!

•

alright!! that’s it for today, hopefully it won’t be so long before my next post - i really need to start planning ahead more haha! have a wonderful day/night my loves, and i’ll chat with you all soon. au revoir~!

#cinnamon’s french posts #français #french #frenchblr #langblr #french vocab #language learning #vocabulaire français #polygot #study tips

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phoenixyfriend · 4 years ago

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Anakin and the Jedi Babies: Names and Faces

Context: Anakin and the Jedi Babies, chrono

Word Count: 6,477

---------------

It goes like this:

Nobody wants to separate Anakin from the children in his care until they know more about why he’s here. The gamble paid off, to some degree, and he thanks the Force that it did.

He hasn’t felt that cold in years.

He knows the logic of why the Mandalorians he’s fallen in with aren’t doing anything yet. He’s an obvious Jedi, and they don’t know why he’s here or what he’s doing. Hedging on the Mando’a and the cultural obligation to childcare hadn’t been anything close to sure, but it was... enough. He got lucky that these Mandalorians leaned on those obligations, at least to the point of keeping them all in the same room. He can sense that much, even before he opens his eyes, and he has to be grateful.

The looming hypothermia had probably nudged things in his favor.

Anakin opens his eyes to a guest room of a cell, something well-furnished and cozy, but definitely not meant to be something he can escape from. His saber is gone, and there are Force-nullifying cuffs on his wrists, and he’s pretty sure they’ve taken his--yep, vibroblade’s gone.

Fuck.

His body doesn’t want to move, and he’s still shivering a bit, but he’s mostly back to normal. When he sits up, he notices that there is, in fact, only one Force-nullifying cuff. They detached his arm.

He closes his eyes and breathes deep and tells himself it was probably medically necessary. Large pieces of metal aren’t great for maintaining homeostasis. He’ll get it back.

Probably.

“Ah!”

The voice makes him jolt, and his eyes fly open.

Two cribs, one much bigger than the other. Both are occupied. The larger one has bars, and through it...

“Snips,” he breathes, lurching to his feet and then crashing to his knees, about as graceful as a newborn eopie.

“Bah!”

“Just--just one second,” Anakin grits out, grimacing as he tries to pull himself to standing again. The fact that he’s down an arm doesn’t impact him much, but the shakiness of his legs is... a problem.

“Owwww,” Ahsoka coos with an exaggerated grimace, reacting to his pain with the innocent sympathy of a toddler. She looks, what, two? Maybe? He’s not sure if there’s anything particular about how Togruta babies age. She’s too young for words, clearly.

“I’m fine,” Anakin assures her, even as his heart sinks. She’s Ahsoka, clearly, he knows her in the Force and it can’t be anyone else, but her memories...

She recognizes him, but that’s not saying much.

He manages to get over to the chair next to the crib, but doesn’t trust himself to take her out right now. The snow and the mess of a fight before that haven’t been kind to him. Instead, he just sticks his hand through the bars and lets her grab at his fingers.

He can’t help but smile, really. She’s adorable, and she’s so damn happy to see him.

“Skyguy!”

“Oh, so you are talking,” Anakin says, part of him relaxing just a tad. “I was worried.”

“Mine,” she stresses, patting at his wrist.

“Yeah, your Skyguy,” he says. So she remembers... some things, at least. “And you’re my Snips.”

She squeals and yanks on his hand, just enough that the Force-suppressing cuff clanks against the bars of the crib. “Sky, Sky, Sky!”

Oh, she’s precious.

“You having fun?” he asks, filling the air with words faster than his head can fill with doubts. “Has everyone been nice?”

“Mmmmm,” she grumbles, falling to her butt with a huff. “Doc!”

“Oh, a doctor?” he asks, wondering at his own tone. He never expected to be one for baby-talk. “Was the doctor mean?”

“Cold!” she tells him. “Cold here!”

She taps at her chest, right where someone might check her heartbeat or breathing; the metal would be cold, and also necessary. He doesn’t fault anyone for it. Considering how poorly Anakin had fared, he’s just happy they’re all alive and mostly fine.

He doesn’t know what year it is. He knows he’s not in the year he should be. He’s vaguely aware of the name Jaster--one of the Mandos had said it while bringing him in--but he doesn’t know when Mereel’s reign ended and Fett’s began. He does know both are supposed to be dead.

Has Anakin been born yet? Has Ahsoka? Hell, has Obi-Wan?

Can he give out any real names?

A series of small, upset noises start coming up from the other, smaller crib.

He stands, but Ahsoka clings to his hand and refuses to let go. He can’t pry her off, not without his other arm, but he pulls away with quiet reassurances that he just has to check on... on...

Her brother, he says, aware that there’s more than a slight chance someone has the room bugged. He’s a Jedi in Mando custody. They aren’t stupid, and neither is he.

Obi-Wan’s the most likely to have already been born. Having the same name and face will draw attention, will cause questions, but... he can’t just rename his master like a recently-adopted pet. That’s just... wrong.

Anakin’s less shaky than when he first woke up, but he still has no way of safely picking up the kids. He reaches into the small crib, something twisting behind his sternum, and tickles under Obi-Wan’s chin.

The baby--the infant--looks up at him with wide eyes, too blue for the Obi-Wan he knows, but full of wonder and--

Love, the Force whispers through the cracks in the effects of the cuff.

“Love you too,” Anakin whispers, though he wonders if Obi-Wan would really feel like this as an adult again. Babies love easily, he thinks, and he’s the only adult that Obi-Wan knows right now. Maybe it’s just chemicals.

He stands there for longer than is probably a good idea, with the state of his body, but he can’t help it. Obi-Wan keeps grabbing at his finger and kicking with tiny legs, and sticking a tiny, tiny fist in his mouth as he tries watches Anakin.

It’s all Anakin can do to mutter a stream of meaningless nonsense as he struggles not to cry. He’s always had too many emotions, and right now he’s the only person these two can rely on. He’s the adult.

The door whooshes open.

“The medic said you were awake.”

He knows that voice. He closes his eyes and doesn’t turn, because there are a million feelings in his chest and he’s not sure which one is going to come out first.

“Sky?” Ahsoka questions, likely feeling his worry. “Issokay! Good!”

No, she wouldn’t have the mind to recognize why this familiar face she knows as friend is quite the opposite.

Anakin turns away from the crib, and smiles. “Mando.”

“Jedi Knight Anakin Skywalker,” the teenager in the door says. He’s not wearing his bucket, but the rest of his armor is in place. Anakin would peg him as younger than Ahsoka was, before. Not by much, but... fourteen, maybe fifteen. The face is painfully familiar, and stays utterly neutral as he answers the question Anakin didn’t ask. “We found your Ident card after you passed out.”

Cool, so, Anakin definitely can’t change his name.

“Are they yours?” the teenager that will one day create an army says.

“They have no one else,” Anakin tells him. It’s true enough. Still, he gets the feeling that’s not what Fett’s asking. “They’re family.”

Jango squints at him. “I was told Jedi can’t have families.”

Anakin’s mind flashes to Padme and the fantasies he’d long harbored of children born free, and tears himself away. He can’t think about that right now. He can’t think of who he’s--

“Jetii!”

Anakin’s head snaps up, and he realizes he’s shaking. Fett’s not neutral anymore, just... concerned.

“I’m fine,” Anakin spits out, and leans on the crib behind him. He can hear the little ones whimpering. He has to pull his thoughts in and bundle them up into something that won’t hurt the incredibly Force-Sensitive babies behind him. “I’m--I’m all they have. They’re all I have. Are the exact words important?”

Fett doesn’t grimace, exactly, but his expression isn’t pleasant. “I guess.”

Anakin waits to see if there’s anything else coming, but no. Just an awkward silence. He holds onto his frustration, but it still gets the better of him.

“What are my chances of getting my arm back?” he asks.

“Hm?”

Anakin waves what’s left of that arm, the tied-off sleeve flapping about. “My arm. If you don’t want to give me mine back, can I at least have some kind of placeholder? I can’t pick up the babies without worrying that I’m going to drop them.”

“I can ask the medics,” Fett says. He stares at Anakin for a little more, and then asks, “Aren’t you going to ask about our plans for you, or...?”

“If you wanted to kill me, you already would have,” Anakin mutters. “Right now, these two are my only priority. I’m more likely to keep them safe and alive here than I am if I try to break out. I can be patient. I would also assume they wouldn’t have been left in a room with me, alone, if any of us were in danger of medical complications.”

Fett flushes and turns. “I’ll tell buir you’re up and active. There’s a nurse droid in the hall, I can have it handle feedings until you get an arm.”

“Thanks,” Anakin drawls, aware that he’s a little bitchy right now, but not in any mood to temper himself.

He settles himself on the floor next to Ahsoka’s crib, lets her play with his hair while the nurse droid feeds Obi-Wan, and then feeds Ahsoka herself. Anakin thinks he could probably pull the droid apart for an escape attempt if it came down to it. He hopes it won’t be necessary. He’s barely existing in the moment as it is. The droid asks Anakin if he needs anything, and he... shrugs.

“I’m not hungry.”

“Perhaps some non-perishables,” the nurse droids suggests. “Ration bars, for if you are hungry before one of the Mando’ade returns.”

Anakin shrugs again. “Alright.”

He ignores the droid after that. He’s only mostly cut off from the Force by the single cuff. He can’t blanket his Master and Padawan in his own Force presence, try to make them feel safe and calm with the fact that he’s here and ready to protect them, but he can monitor them. He can meditate, even if it’s not the way he prefers to do it. He doesn’t have the strength for moving meditation right now, but a regular meditation... he can do that.

He needs to do that, because no other stress relief option is available to him right now.

Anakin lets himself feel the babies fall asleep, the two of them radiating contentment and warmth. He lets himself trust that, for the moment, he doesn’t need to worry. He lets himself sink into an absence of thought, and then the Force guides him deeper still.

“Anakin!”

His eyes fly open.

This is not the real world.

This is not the room-cell in the Haat Mando’ade base he’s managed to stumble across.

“Anakin,” Obi-Wan says again, a smile hidden in a beard and worn laugh lines about his eyes. The right age, the right size, reaching for him and--

There’s only a moment’s hesitation for Anakin to process, and then he sprints forward and yanks his Master into a hug.

“You’re good,” Obi-Wan mutters to him, rubbing his back as they both sink to their knees. There’s a click of bootheels against the empty white not-space that they’re in, and Ahsoka buries herself into their sides. Anakin pulls her in a little closer too.

They stay that for longer than is maybe necessary, but Anakin’s stress levels are sky high right now, and he needs this. A hug, even one that’s technically only taking place in his head, is important.

“Sorry, Skyguy,” Ahsoka whispers. “Thinking in the real world is... really hard right now.”

He pulls away from the desperate hug he’d started them off with, rearranges things so he’s leaning against Obi-Wan, lets Ahsoka lie down with her head in his lap, on her back and legs stretched out across the white nothingness.

“I don’t know what happened,” Anakin says. “I mean, Sith stuff, probably, but... we’re in the wrong year.”

“I’d wondered,” Obi-Wan admits. “I thought it odd that I couldn’t feel the clones, but I only have so much energy to think right now...”

“Please tell me there’s a way to fix it,” Anakin begs. “I can’t be the adult, Obi-Wan. I haven’t even been born yet, that’s how far back we are. I don’t know what to do, and I can’t just bang around making bad decisions without you there to pull me back and--”

“Breathe,” Obi-Wan tells him.

“We’re in the Force,” Anakin says, just a little hysterically. “We don’t need to breathe!”

“Actually, I think we’re in your head,” Ahsoka says. She’s pointing and stretching her feet like a dancer, but looks up to grin at Anakin like the little shit she is. “You’re the only one whose brain is big enough right now.”

“Hey,” Anakin complains, putting his entire palm over her face as revenge. She giggles and swats him away. “That any way to talk to the guy who taught you how to kill five guys in one move?”

She sticks her tongue out at him. He rolls his eyes and runs a hand over her montrals, smiling when she wriggles and makes a little chirruping noise.

“She’s not wrong,” Obi-Wan says. “Though the phrasing was unfortunate, it does stand to reason that as the only person without the brain of a toddler, you’re hosting. Our minds can’t handle the strain of our own selves, let alone sharing space.”

“Infant.”

“Hm?”

“Ahsoka’s a toddler. You’re an infant. Maybe six months.” Anakin grins, just this side of brittle. He doesn’t want to joke about a problem he can’t fix, but what else is there? “You’re the literal baby of the lineage now.”

Obi-Wan sighs over the riot of Ahsoka’s laugh. “Of course I am.”

“It’s okay, Master,” Ahsoka assures him. “Skyguy’s gonna take care of us until we can fight again.”

“Yes,” Obi-Wan says, grimacing slightly. “I am sorry for you being put in such a position, Anakin. It’s certainly not an easy one.”

Anakin wishes he could say that his immediate reaction isn’t a sense of hurt, a you don’t trust me, a you don’t think I can do this, a you’re disappointed someone else wasn’t here to handle things instead.

He wishes he could make that claim and have anyone believe him, but they are in a shared meditation, and in this moment there are very, very few secrets. He does not make the effort to hide his reaction in time, and Obi-Wan catches it.

Anakin turns away as Obi-Wan’s face fills with surprise and horror. “Anakin--”

“Can we just pretend you didn’t feel that?” Anakin asks, and flinches when Ahsoka pops up from where she lies and scurries around to hug him like a vise. “Can we just pretend I’m not--”

“Dear one, there are very few people I would trust as much as you in this,” Obi-Wan says. “Those who match up are largely the people who helped me raise me when I was actually this age.”

“Being completely reliant on your padawan isn’t--”

“Anakin,” Obi-Wan says, cutting him off there. “I can trust you to care for me in ways that don’t just come down to making me a useful general again. I already trust you to risk your life and safety and freedom to see us survive, given what little I remember of that storm.”

“You handed yourself over to Mandalorians you knew nothing about so we’d be safe,” Ahsoka mutters into the fabric somewhere over his ribs. “That could have gone really badly, and you still did it because you were worried about us.”

“We trust you, Anakin,” Obi-Wan says, pulling Anakin to his chest and resting his chin on Anakin’s head. “We know you.”

“You don’t even know what happened in the storm,” Anakin mutters. “You were asleep.”

“I caught enough listening to the doctors,” Obi-Wan says. He runs a hand over Anakin’s head and through his hair. “You did well, Anakin.”

Anakin wonders why they don’t do this in real life. Obi-Wan doesn’t usually hug him, let alone cuddle. Maybe it’s because they’re all stuck in too much truth in this shared meditation, and the other two are currently stuck in child bodies that crave physical affection in ways they don’t realize they’re expressing in here as well. Maybe it’s the stress.

“What even can you hear?” Anakin mutters, still in Obi-Wan’s arms. Ahsoka giggles at him, nuzzling into his side in a way he doesn’t think she’d ever let herself, normally.

“We can’t really think in the real world right now,” she muses. “Only when we’re sleeping, and probably when we’re meditating once we’re bigger. If I try to think too hard, my head hurts worse than that time Ventress got me in the head with the back of her saber.”

“Everything takes up more space than it should,” Obi-Wan adds. “It’s... all of my senses are bigger and brighter and take up more of my attention, but they aren’t very clear, really. They’re just more. I can’t focus on anything, either, except... well, the feedings.”

Ahsoka makes an annoyed noise. “The whole diapers and bottles thing is really embarrassing, by the way. Only here, though, I barely notice when I’m awake because...”

“Because you’re a toddler,” Anakin says drily.

She huffs. “How would you feel if you were stuck like that?”

That’s fair.

“I don’t remember much,” Obi-Wan says carefully. “But part of me recognizes familiar things, even if I can’t quite make the connection.”

“Was that Fett, earlier?” Ahsoka asks. “Because I thought I saw a friend, and I pretty much forgot the face as soon as they left, but--”

“It’s Fett,” Anakin confirms. “But I guess that’s good to know? You saw his face and your baby brain just assumed it was one of the clones?”

“Pretty much.”

“And we know we trust you,” Obi-Wan adds, and tightens the hug when Anakin stiffens. “Anakin, I can barely understand the world around me at all right now. It’s like being on the painkillers that don’t knock you out but leave you saying only the most ridiculous things that come to mind. You have a general understanding of what’s going on, but all your emotions are too much and the room spins, you can’t stay on one track mentally, you can’t remember what you’ve done and what you haven’t--”

“You can’t control your bladder,” Ahsoka mutters, just a touch spitefully.

Obi-Wan grimaces and nods. “An unfortunate commonality in the experiences, yes. What I was aiming to address, however, is the fact that I only remember a very few things with any reliability. Most of my adult mind, so to speak, appears to be stored in a stasis form in the Force itself, because the infant mind can only handle the barest edges of who I am. But what that infant mind knows, and what I remember thinking once I have some sense of my full self in sleep, is that there is no one I react to as positively as you, Anakin.”

“What he’s trying to say,” Ahsoka interrupts, “but can’t because he’s trying to be a serene Jedi Councilor who definitely doesn’t break the code, nosiree, is that we don’t remember much about ourselves when we’re awake, but we remember you, and we know that we love you, Skyguy.”

Anakin stares at her, and then twists around to look at Obi-Wan instead.

“Master Kenobi,” Ahsoka croons. “Stop being emotionally constipated. We’re literal babies right not, which sucks, but we’re like 90% emotion. Tell Skyguy.”

“Yes, er, Ahsoka was not incorrect,” Obi-Wan says, stroking his beard and refusing to meet Anakin’s eyes. “I, that is to say, we...”

“Master Kenobi,” Ahsoka says, a touch sharper than she might have dared if not for the reversal of their ages.

“I do love you, Anakin, and it’s one of the only things my child mind knows consistently.”

The Force does, in fact, sing with the truth of this. It circles them like a delighted tornado of emotional reality, pulsing like a coat of positivity.

Anakin buries his face in Obi-Wan’s shoulder and hugs him as tightly as possible.

“Oh! Oh dear, I--Anakin, really, this isn’t news.”

“Master Kenobi, you’re allergic to actually talking about your emotions. Let him hug you.”

“Anakin, I’ve raised you since you were nine, it would be nearly impossible for me to not care, why are you--”

“Master Kenobi, stop questioning him!” Ahsoka whines. “It’s affirmation time.”

“Ahsoka, have you been spending time with the mind healers again?”

“I was a teenager in a warzone and also Barriss bullied me into it for my own good.” Ahsoka shrugs. “I learned some stuff. You two should have gone, too. You were more karked up than I was.”

“Ahsoka,” Obi-Wan scolds.

“What are you going to do, spit up on me? You can’t exactly make me run laps, Master.”

“Both of you shut up,” Anakin mumbles, and tries to push as much of his own affection as possible into a little ball of feelings that he can just drop on the two of them while he’s still in his own brain and not somewhere he can’t touch the Force. “Just--just shut.”

Apparently, Anakin’s feelings are a lot, because Ahsoka bursts into tears and Obi-Wan zones out so hard Anakin starts worrying about him.

They’re in a mindscape, a thing that he didn’t really think happened, but does. He shouldn’t have to worry about his--

“Oh, Anakin,” Obi-Wan says, pulling him in tighter. “Why did you...”

“Skyguy, I don’t think you planned on putting in the part where you worry about nobody loving you back as much as you loved them,” Ahsoka says, raw and uneven. “Because, uh, we got that? Skyguy, that’s really wrong!”

Oh shit.

“No, you were... you were not supposed to get that,” he says, just a little strangled. “I am so sorry, that wasn’t--”

“Be our dad.”

Anakin stares down at his Padawan. She stares determinedly back.

“What?”

“Fett asked if we were yours, and you edged around the question by saying we were family, but he was asking if you were our dad. I’m guessing you didn’t want to claim that when we couldn’t agree to it, so I’m telling you now: do it. Adopt us the Mandalorian way or whatever. You were already my older brother, basically, this is just a step sideways in how we talk about it.”

He stares at her a bit more. He doesn’t have words, and his emotions are such a cyclone of conflicting thoughts that he’s surprised the Force hasn’t tossed him out.

“I don’t know if I’m going to be born, but if I am, then I need a name so I don’t have the same one as future me,” she says. She takes his hands, holds them tight and leans in close. “You’re going to be raising us anyway. The Force already made it clear there’s no fixing this, we tried asking while you were unconscious, it wants us to grow up the long way. You’re going to be our dad. Just make it official. Make me a Skywalker.”

Anakin sits up straight, looks her up and down, the determination and affection and--

He turns to look at Obi-Wan. “Master?”

“...yes, Anakin?”

“I know she said ‘we’ and ‘us,’ but I’m not letting anyone speak for anyone else. Not for something this important.”

Obi-Wan blinks at him, and then rearranges himself to something a tad more formal. He takes one of Anakin’s hands in his own. “Anakin, we’ve been family since you were nine. This is just redefining the terms. We can adjust as we go forward, but for all intents and purposes, the majority of the time, I will be that youngling in the cot. For all intents and purposes, I will be your child, and... and I would be honored for you to make that official.”

“Even if it breaks the Code?” Anakin presses.

“All is as the Force wills it,” Obi-Wan says, almost but not quite overriding Ahsoka’s, “This doesn’t break the Code.”

They both turn to look at her. She shrugs. “What? You guys are always arguing about it and Skyguy was married. I went and did some digging about what is and isn’t allowed. This adoption would be skirting the edges of some rules, since we should be taken to the creche to be raised in a communal manner, and official adoptions are discouraged for reasons relating to later padawan stuff, but since the Force is also insisting we stay with the Mandalorians, I think it qualifies as an exception and will be treated as such, retroactively, by the Council. You also won’t be able to take either of us as Padawan once that time comes. It does not, however, violate the Code in and of itself.”

“What the hell, Snips?”

“I’m impressed, young one,” Obi-Wan says, with a smile Anakin can feel. “I could have expected to see you in court in a few years, with an argument like that.”

“You knew I was married?” Anakin squeaks.

“Rex isn’t a very good liar,” she says. She then droops. “Or, he wasn’t. Wouldn’t be. He tried, at least, but I caught on. That was against the Code, though. Just so you know.”

Anakin runs a hand over his face, tries very hard not to think about what and whom he’s left behind. He can save that breakdown for later.

He chances a look at Obi-Wan.

He gets a raised eyebrow in response.

“You’re not mad?”

“I knew you and the Senator were close, considering all the kissing you did in the Arena,” Obi-Wan says drily. Anakin isn’t stupid enough to ask how he knows it’s Padme. “I didn’t know you were married, and am a little disappointed you didn’t at least tell me, or consult me before you did it, considering you were still a padawan... but no, I’m not mad. Even if I were--and I am not--we’ve time-traveled, so I’m fairly certain that qualifies as annulment. It’s a non-issue.”

Anakin pushes down the tidal wave of grief for people who haven’t been born yet, and just breathes instead. This is important. This is too important for him to just kriff it up.

“Names,” he says.

“I still want part of it to be ‘Soka,’ if you don’t think it’s too risky.”

Obi-Wan shrugs with a smile. “Almost every time I’ve posed as a Mandalorian, since my first mission with Satine, I’ve gone by Ben. It would be fitting that, now that we’re here and apparently staying, I take the name for real.”

Anakin nods. He closes his eyes, and breathes deep, and thinks that they may be among Mandalorians on a world of snow, but he has the desert in his bones and will never forget it.

“Ahsoka Tano, sister of my heart,” he says, hoping he’s getting the words right, and takes her hands in his. It’ll have more meaning here and now, where they’re both of full mind. He holds her gaze. “You ask to join my family, to be of those who walk the sky. You shed your old name as you shed the chains of your past. You become my daughter, not of blood, but of love, loyalty, and survival. My wells are your wells, and all I own and earn is to set the path of your freedom. I name you Sokanth Skywalker, she who slips through every hunter’s trap, and you are my child.”

She smiles brightly at him, and looks like she might cry. He presses his lips to her forehead. He turns to his Master. He hesitates, because it’s one thing to redefine his little sister, but...

“Obi-Wan Kenobi, father of my heart,” he says, his voice catching where it shouldn’t. He can do this. It’s weird but he can do this. “You ask to join my family, to be of those who walk the sky. You shed your old name as you shed the chains of your past. You become my son, not of blood, but of love, loyalty, and survival. My wells are your wells, and all I own and earn is to set the path of your freedom. I name you Ylliben Skywalker, he who hunts the monsters of the darkest nights, and you are my child.”

The man before him almost laughs, well aware of how absurd it is for Anakin to be the one adopting him, but keeps it limited to just a twinkle in his eye and a quirk to his lips. Anakin presses his lips to his teacher’s forehead.

He pulls both of them in close. Padawan and Master. Ahsoka and Obi-Wan.

Daughter and son. Soka and Ben. His.

“I’m still gonna call you Skyguy,” Soka says wetly. “But Mas--um, Ben. Ben can call you buir, all the Mandos are gonna love it.”

“Fine by me,” Anakin says. “I’m going to be telling you Tatooine bedtime stories, by the way. You’ll remember creche stories as you grow, but these’ll be new.”

“I do believe that would be appropriate,” Ben says, laughing just a touch. “I also think we should perhaps disband this, unless you have something else to address. You’re going to be dealing with two very cranky younglings soon.”

“Wait, what?”

“Yeah, we’re gonna have headaches after this,” Soka laughs, rubbing her face against his shoulder. “But it’s okay, we got what we ne--”

“No, shut up, what you do mean, headaches? You said that was only when you were awake!”

“I mean, we’d be sobbing after like three minutes if we were awake,” Soka says cheerfully. “This way, it’s been like... an hour or whatever between all the talking and the hugging and the crying and the feelings, and we’re just gonna be grumpy.”

“Oh my--wake up!” Anakin growls at both of them. “I’m responsible for you now, wake up.”

He ignores Soka’s laughter and drags himself back to wakefulness. Behind him, he feels slight confusion and pain mixed with love and delight. Ben starts fussing.

Anakin drags a hand over his face and groans. He gets to his feet, nods to the nurse droid, and steps over to the cribs.

“Can we put them in the same one until I get my arm back?” he asks. The droid obliges, moving Ben to Soka’s crib. She immediately crawls over to him and envelops him in a hug. She pouts up at Anakin, eyes going watery, and he drops into the chair next to her and offers his hand through the bars. She grabs it.

“You’re going to be trouble for a long, long time, huh?”

She sticks her tongue out at him, and he smiles at her. Yes, trouble in spades, his Snips.

He starts telling her one of the fables of Tatooine, the really sanitized ones meant for children her age, before they got to the slave stories and haunt-tales. She falls asleep for real, no Force Shenanigans, shortly after. Ben is dead to the world by that point, making small snuffling noises whenever the blanket tickles his nose.

Anakin knows he’s got the galaxy’s dopiest smile on his face. It’s fine.

It’s a few more hours before someone stops by. He’s used the fresher by that point, helped the nurse droid coax Ben through a feeding, and helped Soka play with the little stuffed eopie they’ve given her.

“They got names, aruetti?”

He looks up and over. “Yes.”

The middle-aged man ambles over, arms crossed. “Jango said you claimed to be all they had left.”

He is. “They’re family. I’ve had a few hours to think it over, now that I’m not getting shot at or dying in the snow. To any system that allows it, I’ll be their father.”

“No chance of returning them to their people?”

Anakin shakes his head. “Soka has none who would recognize her, and I already--I already babysat her regularly, and she thought of me as a brother. It’s an easy next step.”

“And the human?”

“I... the master-padawan relationship is often one that is compared to that of parent and child,” Anakin says carefully. “My own master was like a father to me, and Ben is... Ben is all I have left of him.”

There. Not quite the truth, but... technically not lying.

Ben makes a small noise in his sleep, fussing, and Anakin reaches through the bars to brush his thumb across the infant’s chubby cheek. He smiles helplessly as Ben whines and curls in tighter on himself, pressing a tiny fist to his mouth.

“You’re good,” Anakin whispers. “We’re fine, Ylliben.”

“I don’t know what you’re hiding,” the Mando says. “But I do believe you’re doing what you can for those kids.”

“That’s all that matters,” Anakin agrees, finally looking away from his... his son.

Mine, the greedy krayt in his chest whispers.

“When are you planning on going back to Coruscanta?”

“I’m not,” Anakin says, standing and looking the man head-on. Anakin’s taller than him. That’s usually useful. “I don’t know why, but the Force wants me to stay here, or at least with the Mandalorians.”

“You want me to believe that you support my cause?”

“I don’t know your cause,” Anakin admits. “But I don’t like Death Watch, and I know you don’t either. Nobody on Coruscant is going to know to miss me, and the Force is warning me away from trying to go back. Whatever it is that needs doing, I’m supposed to be doing it here.”

The man steps forward. “Anyone tell you who I am?”

“No.”

“I’m Jaster Mereel.”

Good for you, Anakin thinks, and doesn’t say. “I’m pretty sure you already know my name.”

“I do,” Mereel says. “Wanna tell me how a Knight with a seemingly valid ident card claims nobody will know to miss him?”

“No.”

Mereel doesn’t even blink. “Try that again.”

“It means exactly what I said,” Anakin says. “The ident card is real. My training and rank are earned and deserved and bestowed by protocol. All of it was done at the Temple in Coruscant, but if you phone up the Temple with my name and face, nobody will know who I am.”

“And you’re not going to tell me why,” Mereel grouses. “What’s stopping me from calling them up anyway and asking them to come fetch your hypothermic ass?”

“...the fact that I already offered to help you?” Anakin manages. “I... I did say that part, right? That I’d help?”

“What’s stopping you from wanting to go back? And don’t give me any of that ‘will of the force’ banthashit.”

“I broke the Code,” Anakain says. The words sit heavy in his mouth, but one of his violations is lesser than the other, and-- “I married, and we’re not supposed to do that. She’s... not around anymore, but it still stands that I did it.”

The Tuskens weigh on his mind, suddenly and intensely. He hasn’t thought about them in ages, has always pushed those memories down, down, down, but--

“And they won’t take you back?”

“They might,” Anakin admits. They probably would, with his full title and everything, especially if he told them about the future. “But they wouldn’t let me keep the kids.”

Understanding flickers. “Not allowed kids?”

“It’s not... technically against the code,” he hedges. “But they’d find out about my marriage while investigating my past--” maybe, he’s not sure what kind of investigation they’d justify for a complete stranger of a knight, especially to confirm the future, but if they had a psychometric so much as touch his saber or arm, once he gets those back, there’d be a risk, “--and after already breaking the code by marrying, they’d be far less willing to bend the rules about the babies.”

He doesn’t realize how likely the risk is until after he says it, because he’s just been focusing on staying alive and following the Force, but.. they’d want the kids in the creche. He’s broken the code enough that any investigation they set to prove he’s legitimately a Jedi Knight that isn’t recorded and isn’t in the system is going to uncover something through the Force. They might not let him keep his family.

“What are their names?”

“I already--”

“Jango kept his last name,” Mereel cuts him off. “Did yours?”

Anakin looks the man in the eye, and then attempts to cross his arms in response, to mirror the pose and hold his ground. Unfortunately, he’s forgotten that he’s only got the one arm, which is really kriffing irritating.

“I gave them my name,” he says. “They’ll know where they came from, but they are mine.”

Yeah, no shit they’ll know where they came from.

Mereel’s face twitches, but the man is unreadable in the Force. Still, there’s something in the air... “So, those names?”

“Sokanth and Ylliben Skywalker,” Anakin tells him. He spells it out when the droid asks. He assumes it’s just for the medical data their droids are collecting.

“How well can you fight without your laser sword?”

“You mean unarmed?” Anakin asks, and then smiles brightly and tauntingly and waves his empty sleeve around. Mereel does not appreciate the humor. “Pretty well, but I do better when I have the Force, and am not still recovering from hypothermia. And I’m a fair shot with a blaster, but no specialist.”

Mereel eyes him for a moment, and then nods. “One of my snipers is Force-Sensitive. Never was enough to get more than some basic training in mental shields and the control to not hurt herself, but when we mentioned bringing in a Jetii, someone asked her what she thought. Came by the room while you were unconscious and said she thought you felt sad, angry, and desperate... but that she had a good feeling about where you’d be going.”

“Sad, angry, and desperate?” Anakin repeats, a little offended.

“You act like a veteran, kid,” Mereel says. He shrugs. “Damn near everyone that goes through some kind of war has all that going on. S’normal. You got Kamira’s approval, though, and that means a damn sight more. Keep your secrets for now. We’ll get there eventually.”

No we won’t, Anakin thinks. Out loud, he asks, “So, how much of what kind of work would I have to do to borrow a ship to Tatooine and earn enough to free a slave girl?”

#disaster lineage #anakin skywalker #obi wan kenobi #ahsoka tano #jango fett #jaster mereel #time travel #mandalore #tatooine #de aging #babies #phoenix files #Anakin and the Jedi Babies

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robininthelabyrinth · 4 years ago

Note

I'd like to see more of the Jiang Cheng has spider venom fic. Mostly because I want to see him bite someone else. How about a Jin?

Normal For the Spider - Extra: 5 People Jiang Cheng Bit, Some of Whom Deserved It

ao3

1 – Wei Wuxian

“So I’ve been exchanging letters with shijie on account of the whole theoretically banished business,” Wei Wuxian said as they strolled down the Qiongqi Path together, Wen Ning behind them making shy stuttering friends with the handful of Jiang sect disciples Jiang Cheng had brought along with him – he’d deliberately picked the friendliest and most social of the lot, the ones that acted like overgrown puppies and wanted to adopt everyone they met, and sure enough they’d mobbed Wen Ning like a bunch of crows intent on raising the poor little sparrow they found into a proper bird. It was no more than Wen Ning deserved, in Jiang Cheng’s opinion. Someone needed to socialize him, and clearly neither his sister nor Wei Wuxian were doing crap about it.

“That’s nice,” Jiang Cheng said. “If by nice you mean extremely suspicious. What about in particular?”

“Your family inheritance.”

“Is this about the summer house we have near that mountain lake? I told you, it’s been deserted for years and may possibly be haunted by something resistant to the usual liberation techniques, but if you really want to go there, you’re of course allowed…”

“That’s not the inheritance I meant and you know it.”

Jiang Cheng rolled his eyes. He did know it. “What questions do you have now?” he asked. “More medical stuff from Wen Qing?”

She’d recovered from the venom very well and immediately started wanting to know everything. Recovered a little too well, in Jiang Cheng’s opinion.

“No, this one’s for me,” Wei Wuxian said. “We’re going to Lanling City in order to let Jin Ling bite me as a way to establish familial ties and let him ‘absorb’ good aspects from my personality, right?”

Jiang Cheng nodded.

“So in some cases, biting is an act of affection?”

Jiang Cheng nodded, a little more warily.

“Then how come you’ve never bitten me?”

“It’s only affectionate when you’re a baby,” Jiang Cheng said. “Once you grow into your childhood venom, it starts being dangerous, even to family; you don’t do affection-bites after that point. And when you’re an adult…well, you saw Wen Qing!”

“Eh, she’s fine now,” Wei Wuxian said cheerfully. “I feel like I missed out! It’s not fair, Jiang Cheng. I deserve a bite! I’m practically your brother! We share essential bodily organs!”

“Wei Wuxian! Don’t talk about that!”

“Bite me and I’ll stop.”

“I’m not biting you just to make you stop being annoying –”

2 – Jin Zixun

“What are you doing here?!” Jiang Cheng demanded. “This is an ambush! Is the Jin sect considering waging an act of war against the Jiang sect?”

Jin Zixun scowled at him. “Not against the Jiang sect,” he said haughtily. “Against the Yiling Patriarch.”

“He’s my head disciple!”

That got a confused sort of frown. “But you banished him…?”

“Rumor,” Jiang Cheng said, with dignity, the way they’d always planned. “Baseless rumor, that’s all.”

Rumor he’d never denied, and had instead implicitly encouraged so that people would leave his Jiang sect alone for a little while as he gathered up strength and resources to tell them to fuck off.

“But…” Jin Zixun hesitated. “You just – attacked him?”

Jiang Cheng glared at Wei Wuxian, still lying prone on the ground with his head in Wen Ning’s lap to elevate it and his neck bandaged but still a little red – surely the paralytic had worn off by now?

Wei Wuxian noticed him staring and gave a jaunty little wave, grinning and very clearly regretting nothing, which meant that the paralytic had worn off and he was just lying there to be comfortable while watching the fun.

Typical.

“A friendly exchange,” he said, trying to maintain his dignity. “Also? Not the Jin sect’s business. What about you? What did you want with him?”

“I want him to remove the curse he cast on me,” Jin Zixun said, and he strode forward before Jiang Cheng could stop him and kicked Wei Wuxian in the side. “You hear me, you bastard?! I want the damn thing gone this instant or else –”

3 – Wen Ning

“So this is going to be a little awkward to explain,” Jin Zixuan said, rubbing his face. He looked tired, but that was possibly a side-effect of having Jin Zixun as a cousin. “Tell me, why are my cousin’s flunkies – er, I mean, my cousin’s friends convinced that it was Wen Ning that poisoned him?”

Jiang Cheng scowled.

“No offense meant,” Jin Zixuan added, nodding politely to Wen Ning. “It’s just, you know, you’re very much not a Yu, or even a Jiang.”

“No offense taken,” Wen Ning mumbled, though to Jiang Cheng’s eyes he looked a little pleased, even if his stiff wooden face still didn’t do emotions all that well. “It’s nice not to be automatically feared.”

“It’s because Wen Ning punched Jin Zixun in the face at the same moment that I bit him,” Jiang Cheng interjected, because someone needed to answer the actual question. “And then Jin Zixun fell over and someone started shouting about corpse poison – even though he’s obviously turned purple! Purple venom, purple spider, purple lightning…what part of this thematic color scheme is not obvious?!”

“Technically, the livor mortis spots generated by corpse poison are also purple,” Wei Wuxian said, completely unhelpfully. “According to Wen Qing, it’s the lack of oxygen in the blood pooling under the skin or something, which is the same thing your mom’s poison does.”

“Do you think you’re helping?” Jiang Cheng demanded.

“No, not at all. Did I sound like I was helping? I didn’t mean to.”

“I’m going to bite you again, you little…”

“My father isn’t going to want to let Wen Ning through the door if he’s considered a possible threat,” Jin Zixuan said, wisely deciding to carry on with the conversation despite their bickering. “You know he’s been saying all those things about how dangerous the Yiling Patriarch is – this’ll just feed into that.”

“I’m not going to Lanling City without Wen Ning!” Wei Wuxian exclaimed. “Wen Qing made me promise! It’s his first time visiting such a big place, too!”

“I’m pretty sure Wen Qing made you promise not to leave him behind because she was worried about your well-being, not Wen Ning’s ability to be a tourist,” Jiang Cheng said.

“Doesn’t matter! I’m not leaving him, and I’m definitely not going to not attend the party, so you have to fix this!”

“I don’t know how to fix this –”

Wen Ning coughed lightly. “Uh,” he said. “Jin-gongzi…would your father let me in if I wasn’t a threat? Say, if I was unconscious?”

A moment of silence.

“…does venom work even on fierce corpses?”

“Of course it does,” Jiang Cheng said irritably. “It wouldn’t be much of a defense mechanism for a cultivator if it didn’t.”

4 – Jin Guangshan

“I didn’t mean to!” Jiang Cheng said, his hands over his mouth. “I really didn’t mean to! It’s Wei Wuxian’s fault!”

“How is this my fault?!” Wei Wuxian asked. He looked amused, which was never a good sign, and even less so given the extreme crisis of the situation. “I wasn’t even in the room.”

“You encouraged me to keep biting people as a solution to everything!” Jiang Cheng hissed. “It got me in the mood. I wasn’t thinking!”

He looked down at the unconscious (and swiftly purpling) Jin Guangshan and grimaced. There was no convenient Wen Ning to put the blame on this time: it had been just the two of them, Jin Guangshan and Jiang Cheng, alone in a room together. Jin Guangshan had wanted to have words with him, sect leader to sect leader, which mostly meant that he wanted to throw his weight and seniority around to try to brow-beat Jiang Cheng into doing what he wanted, except that wasn’t going to work because Jiang Cheng was prepared, okay, he’d worked so long and so hard to try to build up the Jiang sect until it could resist Jin sect pressure.

And he’d probably just ruined everything.

“He has legitimate grounds to declare war against us now,” Jiang Cheng said miserably. “Or maybe to demand that we hand over that stupid Tiger Seal he keeps bugging you about as reparations, or in order to keep him from declaring war…”

“We can’t let him have it,” Wei Wuxian said at once. “It’s far too dangerous. I’d destroy it, first.”

“But then he’d still have a reason to strike against us…”

There was the soft sound of someone clearing their throat, and at first Jiang Cheng thought it was Wen Ning but when he looked up it was Jin Guangyao, instead. He looked the same as always, gentle and personable and smiling, which struck Jiang Cheng as being unaccountably weird for some reason that he couldn’t figure out until he remembered that the man’s father was currently lying on the ground being poisoned and maybe Jin Guangyao shouldn’t be smiling so much.

“If you don’t mind,” Jin Guangyao said, “I might have a suggestion that would get rid of that problem…”

5 – Wen Qing

“…and long story short, Jin Guangyao is going to run Lanling Jin until Jin Zixuan is done having kids, which may be never based on the soppy looks he and my shijie keep exchanging, and we all have the Jin sect’s blessing to move back into the Lotus Pier,” Wei Wuxian concluded. “All’s well that ends well, right, Jiang Cheng?”

Jiang Cheng crossed his arms and glared, admitting nothing.

“I’ll be happy to move anywhere that has decent food,” Wen Qing remarked. “This damn place won’t even grow radishes properly, and it’s Yiling; the radishes should be practically growing themselves.”

“I’ve arranged for some farmland for your people,” Jiang Cheng said, because practicalities he could do. “There’s still lots left over from before the war, lying fallow, and some of the places are medicinal herb fields – we need people with cultivation to tend to those, so I figured that might work for you. You’d have half regular farmland, to make sure you can grow whatever food you feel you need to be comfortable, and the other half, the herbs, can be sold to the Jiang sect at profit.”

“That sounds good,” Wen Qing said.

“Especially since they’re medicinal herb plants,” Wei Wuxian chimed in. “You could stock up on medicines you need!”

“A lot of medicines have to be obtained through trade, you utter nincompoop! I can’t make medicine just using what a single medicinal herb field will generate!”

Jiang Cheng nodded approvingly, thinking to himself that at least there was someone else in the world who understood exactly how aggravating it was to have to deal with Wei Wuxian’s unbridled and illogical optimism on a regular basis.

“And as for you,” Wen Qing said, turning to Jiang Cheng, who blinked owlishly at her. “Don’t think I missed the part of that story about how biting people is a sign of affection!”

“It’s – what?! No, you don’t – that’s when we’re children– it’s –”

Wei Wuxian started cackling.

#mdzs #jiang cheng #wei wuxian #wen ning #jin zixun #jin zixuan #jin guangyao #wen qing #my fic #my fics #normal for the spider

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handsomelyhiddleston · 4 years ago

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Stormy Sleepover - Tom Hiddleston x Reader

I haven’t written in like, years. I previously wrote for Colby Brock at @colbybrocksmolder and someone asked me to write for Tom so I figured I’d give it a shot.

I hope you enjoy!

_________________________

“Did you hear there was a storm coming?” one of your PA’s, Andi, asked you. You were in charge of making sure the cast all had assistants and that their life on set ran smoothly. You’d been working with these guys since the very first Thor movie.

“I got a notification on my phone a few hours ago, but this building is so big I doubt we’d know if it had actually hit yet.” You pulled up your weather app and clicked on the “!” checking to see what the “alert” was. “Oh god” you said, shocked to read that most of the county was already out of power.

“I told you, call me Chris.” Behind you, Hemsworth was chuckling leaning over to read what you were looking at on your phone.

“Ha, ha.” You laughed at his cheesy joke. “But seriously, has anyone been outside in the last few hours?”

Looking at your phone, Hemsworth shrugged and headed towards one of the truck bays.

In front of you, you watched Evans and Tom training with each other. There were various scenes in this movie involving water and a big thing the trainers had been working with them on was safely landing in water. It sounds funny, but you can break bones or knock yourself unconscious if you land wrong.

“Bad news” Hemsworth yelled out, getting everyone’s attention. “This building has been running on generators. There’s no power in the whole lot.” He dramatically shook his arms, flinging rain water on you and Andi.

“No wonder this water has gotten so cold” Evans added, shivering. “It’s usually warmed, but It’s ice right now.”

You sent a text to the director who was in a meeting with the writers. You received a text back fairly quickly. “Let everyone know we’ve got 6 more rooms at the Hyatt Hotel a few towns over for those who don’t have trailers on the lot. Tell everyone else that it looks like the power won’t be fixed until tomorrow afternoon. There’s a whole line of downed power lines that they can’t get to until the storm stops. The generators only run lights and a few outlets and it looks like they’re going to die soon too. The 16 seater van is outside with a driver to take people to the hotel.”

“Looks like we’re done for the day.” You said mostly to yourself, with Hemsworth and Andi hearing you.

“Everybody in.” Hemsworth hollered out so you wouldn’t have to yell.

“Thanks.” You shot him a smile.

“Any time” he replied, flinging his long wet hair towards you.

“I take it back.” You laughed, moving to stand on your chair.

“I know that not everyone has a trailer in the lot yet as we haven’t actually started filming, so for anyone that doesn’t have a home here there’s a van outside that will take to you the hotel that has power nearby. It’s already super chilly in here, so I imagine it’s freezing outside.” You spoke so everyone could hear you.

“Can confirm.” Hemsworth said, starting to shiver a bit.

“There’s umbrellas near the catering tables and there’s a bunch of old hoodies and jackets in the extras costume bay. Make sure you’re warm and dry before you head to the van.”

Everyone that didn’t have a trailer on set left once they had their instructions.

“As for the rest of us, we have to hunker down in our trailers until this passes. I have solar power and full solar batteries on my trailer so all of you are more than welcome to come crash with me if your trailer is too cold or you need electricity for anything.”

You, Hemsworth, Evans, Tom, and Scarlett were the only ones on set that had trailers so far.

“It can’t be THAT cold” Evans joked, grabbing his bag and heading towards the door.

“Scarlett went to her trailer a few hours ago” Tom shared. “I only got here last night so I don’t even have my trailer set up. Are you sure you’re okay if I go grab my bag and come steal some of your space?”

“Absolutely” you smiled at him. “And if I know Scarlett, she’s already in my trailer. I don’t think her trailer was even hooked up to power yet. Her’s was the newest one on the lot.”

“Thank you, darling. I’ll go grab my bag and check Scarlett’s trailer on my way to yours.” Tom replied and then jogged towards the door.

Andi left to catch the van once you passed your notes from the day on to her. “Be safe. Don’t worry about making it back tomorrow. I will email you any further updates I have for assignments.”

“I’m going to head back to my trailer and see if I have any cell services.” Hemsworth shared after everyone else had started leaving. “I know my wife probably has all of the weather and accident alerts on for the whole county and she’s probably worried.”

“Be safe.” You said, taking his offered hand so you could step off of your chair safely. “I’ll grab the satellite phone in the emergency kit and take it to my trailer just in case we need it.”

“It looks like you may have a full house tonight.” Hemsworth Joked.

“You’re welcome to join the insanity.” You teased, throwing your hoodie on and grabbing the satellite phone.

When you made it to your trailer, you were pretty soaked. Even with the umbrella, the rain was insane.

“Thank God you didn’t leave.” Scarlett startled you.

“I knew you’d already be in here.” You laughed. “Tom is on his way. His trailer is like yours. We didn’t even get a chance to get them hooked up before this crazy storm hit.”

“Oooo Lover boy is coming.” She teased.

“Oh, shut it. We’re friends, Scar. That’s it. We’ve never been more than friends.” You started stripping out of your wet clothes and slipped on a pair of soft black sweatpants and your favorite hoodie. It was dark green with “Mischief” written across the front. There were gold horns painted on the hood.

“I’ve known your friend almost as long as you have and the way he looks at you…I’m just saying. I think there’s something there.” She teased, gathering your wet clothes and putting them in a laundry bin that was tucked under one of the beds.

You both turned to the door hearing what sounded like a woman screaming bloody murder. “Let me in” Evans yelled, banging on the door.

Scarlett opened the door while you grabbed a towel. She laughed at him, seeing him drenched head to toe. “It was unlocked, tough guy.”

“You hit an octave I don’t think I can even reach, Cap” you teased, throwing him the towel and going back into your PJ drawer for an oversized t shirt and a baggy pair of sweats.

“I was wrong. I was so wrong. It’s fucking freezing in my trailer and I didn’t realize that the water would be cold because the power has been out for so long.” Evan’s teeth were chattering as he stripped out of his clothes, trying to dry off.

“I think I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve seen you naked, Evans.” Scarlett laughed, handing him the clothes you picked out for him.

“Thank god you aren’t seeing the front. It’s so cold I think my manhood has retreated fully into my body” Evans replied, throwing the clothes on and drying his hair with the towel.

Both of you laughed. You started brewing a pot of coffee and turned your water kettle on for tea. “Well, Scarlett already claimed the couch.” You mentioned. “Why don’t you take the regular bed so that if Hemsworth joins, you two can bunk together. It’s queen size so it should fit you both comfortably.”

Evans crawled into bed, wrapping himself in the blankets and trying to warm up. “Where will you sleep?”

“The dining room table and benches turn into a bed.” You replied. “It’s a full size, so almost as big as the one you’re in.”

“Did you hear that?” Evans perked up, trying to look out the tiny window he could still see through from the bed.

You and Scarlett quieted down. Getting louder you could hear Hemsworth yelling “NO, I AM THE GOD OF THUNDER!” every time lighting would strike and the sky would boom.

“Looks like it’s going to be a full house tonight.” Scarlett laughed, opening the door. “Get your godly ass in here, you crazy Australian.”

“He’s clearly the superior Chris” Evans joked. “Are you fucking crazy?” he asked as Hemsworth stepped into the trailer.

“Possibly. Probably.” Hemsworth laughed, trying not to get water all over the floor.

Scarlett grabbed the towel Evans had used to dry off and put it down on the floor by the door. “Here you go.”

“Much appreciated.” Hemsworth replied, dropping his duffle bag. “Can I change in your bathroom?”

“It’s all yours” you said. “Do you need clothes or did you bring some dry ones?”

“I brought some. I also brought some fun. I’ll show you after I get out of my sopping clothes.” He answered, leaving his shoes by the door and stepping into the bathroom.

When the bathroom door clicked, you heard a knock on the door. “Tom, come in” you hollered.

Tom was wearing a long poncho with an umbrella. He had a large bag with him and when he got inside he kicked his shoes off, putting them by Hemsworth’s shoes. You grabbed his bag from him, putting it by the second bed you had just finished setting up. He closed the umbrella and pulled his poncho off, his black sweatpants and black hoodie bone dry.

“You make the other two look like heathens.” Scarlett laughed. “They showed up soaking wet and screaming.”

“He is a gentleman.” You gave him a smirk, causing his cheeks to blush ever so slightly.

“Is there even room for all 5 of us?” he cleared his throat and laughed.

“Absolutely” you ushered him towards you. “Evans and Hemsworth are sharing that bed. Scarlett has the couch. I just set up the extra bed right here, for you.”

“For us” he replied with a stern look. “I know you too well, darling” he smirked. “You’re going to offer to sleep on the floor by the couch and I won’t have any of it.”

“Tom, it’s fine. I have a sleeping bag and…” You tried to ensure him you’d be okay, but he interrupted you.

“If you try to sleep on this floor I will walk back to my freezing trailer so you can have the bed to yourself.” The stern look softened as he pulled you into a tight hug. “You know you don’t always have to be the one to make the sacrifice. Plus, I promise I don’t talk in my sleep or have crazy dreams. I’ve even been told I’m quite comfy to cuddle with.” He dropped his eyes to yours, smirking.

“Oh, if I must.” You teased him, kissing his cheek as Hemsworth finally came out of the bathroom. “Scarlett knows where the laundry bin is.” You pointed him towards the hamper full of wet clothes.

“Do I smell coffee?” Evans sat up in bed, looking towards you. “Come cuddle, buddy” he laughed opening his arms for Hemsworth who let all of his body weight drop on Evans. “Jesus Christ, you’re a brick.”

You laughed, pulling down mugs from the cabinets and making everyone coffee. “Coffee or Tea, Tom?” you looked over at him. He was sitting on the edge of the bed you two would share.

“Tea, my sweet. But let me help you.” He stood and started grabbing sugars for everyone’s coffee, asking how many they normally added.

“There’s pasta in the crock-pot as well if anyone is hungry.” You announced.

“Food?” Hemsworth’s head shot up and he crawled off of Evans.

“God, men are so simple.” Scarlett laughed, grabbing the coffee you handed her.

“You are not wrong.” Evans added, asking if he could help with anything now that he wasn’t freezing to death.

“I think we’re good.” You replied, dishing up some pasta for Hemsworth and Evans and passing them off to the boys. “Scarlett?” you offered her food, as well.

“Actually, I’m craving something sweet.” She answered.

“I’ve prepared for this one” Tom answered, going to the large bag he brought with him. “It took me so long to get here because I walked to the catering room to grab some snacks. I’ve got a whole tub of cookie dough that probably needs to go in the refrigerator soon, a tub of sour sweets, and what looks like a large cherry pie.”

“Pass the cookie dough this way” Scarlett answered. “This man has his priorities straight”, she laughed.

After everyone had sat back on their beds, dug into their food, and warmed up with their coffee or tea, Hemsworth remembered his bag. “Since we are most likely going to be stuck in this trailer until tomorrow afternoon, I brought a different kind of treat.” He picked up his bag and started pulling out bottles of alcohol and putting them on the counter. “Anyone opposed?” he asked.

“What a G!” Evans laughed, crawling out of the bed to help Hemsworth make drinks. “What kind of mixers do you have, Y/n?”

“There’s some cans of soda, some energy drinks…there’s some juice…and then we’ve got coffee for that Bailey’s I see” you answered.

Tom was smirking next to you as the Chrises started making a make-shift bar out of what they had available to them.

“We’ve got to get this started with a bang” Hemsworth said, handing everyone two shots each. “The first one is to us having a great night reunited with our make-shift family.” He smiled at everyone and downed the first shot, everyone else following suit.

Evans spoke up after. “The second one goes to our incredible, gracious, and always prepared host. To Y/n!” He downed the second shot, everyone following his lead. Except for Tom.

You shivered as the second shot went down your throat and looked over at Tom who was still holding his full shot glass, sitting next to you on the bed. He had a small smile, giving you a look you couldn’t place. Quietly he spoke to you “I’d like to add a few things to his toast, but I think it may take a few more drinks to find the right words.” He downed the shot and took a sip of his tea to wash it down.

“Who wants what?” Evans asked, making everyone a strong drink.

For the first few drinks, everyone just talked and caught up. It had been a while since the group had been on a press run or a film set together.

“Y/n!” Evans spoke up.

“Yes, Cap?” you answered, starting to feel the alcohol course through you.

“Truth or Dare?” He smirked. His eyebrow raised like he was challenging you.

“Truth.” You answered, staring him down.

“Hmmm…Have you dated anyone working on any of these movies? Cast or crew?” He asked, finishing off his drink and standing to make another.

“I haven’t” you answered truthfully.

“Wait, let’s not do truth or dare, lets do truth or shot.” Scarlett suggested, wanting to get a few answers out of you and Tom.

“I like it.” Evans said, grabbing everyone’s shot glasses back and filling them so he could hand them out as needed.

“I answered, so I’m in the clear. Hemsworth has a higher alcohol tolerance than we do so I need him to catch up. Who is an actor in the MCU you hope you never have to work with again?” You asked, hearing Tom chuckle next to you.

“I can’t answer that!” he laughed, taking the shot Evans handed him.

“That’s the point.” You laughed.

He laughed, handing the empty shot glass back to Evans. “Fine, fine. Tom. In our last interview panel together, they kept asking you if you were seeing someone and you answered no. You then said that you were interested in someone, but that you hadn’t done anything about it. Who is she?”

“Oh no.” Tom laughed, feeling the alcohol a bit himself. “I think I need to take a shot. Are all of these going to be so hard?” He grabbed the shot that Evans passed off to him.

“I think you guys just need to not be pussies and answer the damn questions” Scarlett laughed, shooting you a look.

“Right?” Evans laughed, taking the empty shot glass from Tom.

Tom scooted a bit closer to you when he handed off his shot glass. “Okay, Evans. If you had to marry one of your on screen romantic co-stars, who would it be?”

“Oh, come on! It’s gotta be Scar Jo! The one and only.” Evans laughed, putting his hands over his heart and giving Scarlett a loving look. “We’ve been in movies together damn near my whole career.”

“We would annoy the hell out of each other.” Scarlett laughed.

“It’s true. We’re practically siblings. Okay, Y/n” Evans rubbed his hands together like he was plotting. “Favorite actor you’ve been able to work with ever.”

“Why do I feel like there’s a very specific question you want to ask, but instead you’re asking questions trying to fluster me?” you shot him a look, trying not to blush.

“Hey, I’m just playing the game.” Evans laughed, picking up a shot to let me know I didn’t have to answer.

“Keep your shot. I’ll answer this one. It’s definitely Mr. Mischief himself over here.” You pointed your thumb to your side at Tom, trying not to blush.

“No, there has to be someone cooler than me.” Tom blushed, hiding his glee by taking a sip of his tea.

You looked at him, summoning the strength of the drinks you’ve been throwing back. “You should give yourself more credit. You’re amazing.”

You stayed in the moment for a few seconds, just smiling at each other. “I think it’s your turn”, Tom said, putting his arm around your shoulders.

You blushed, realizing you had just been staring at him. Leaning into his side, you asked “Okay, Evans. Have you slept with any of your MCU co-stars?”

“Oh shit!” Scarlett laughed, standing up and handing Evans one of the shots.

“Yeah, yeah.” He laughed, downing the shot. “I’ll pick on someone else this time.” He filled up everyone’s drinks while thinking of his next question. “Okay, Scar. Who is the most attractive man in the current MCU?”

“Oooh, good question.” Scarlett thought about it, going through the movies outside of the Avengers. “I have a few different answers.”

“Explain.” Hemsworth replied.

“Well, There are a few people I find attractive for different reasons, I guess.” She answered.

“How about you share this list and we decide if you still need to drink for not picking one person?” You laughed.

“Well, Hemsworth is an amazing dad. Like, you look your happiest when you’re in the messiest, most chaotic situations with your kids. Most dads are the opposite. They’re trying to escape that.” Scarlett explained her first answer.

“Valid points made so far” Evans agreed, leaning against the counter.

“Hiddleston is the fucking epitome of a gentleman. You’re literally everything women want.” Scarlett turned towards tom, making him blush.

You quietly spoke “She’s not wrong” in Tom’s ear, feeling him pull you tighter to his side in response.

“You’re too kind”, Tom answered to her, downing the rest of his drink.

Scarlett looked to Evans. “I think I have to go with…Idris Elba.”

“I want to be mad that I didn’t make your list, but that man is truly a god.” Evans responded.

The game started to wind down as it got later into the night. Seeing everyone kind of calm down and get settled, you walked around making sure everyone had what they needed.

“Anyone want water so you don’t wake up hungover?” you laughed, pulling some water out of the fridge.

“Here!” “Please!” you handed water bottles out to everyone.

“I’m not setting an alarm for the morning. It’s super late and I doubt anyone is going to be back on the lot before dinner time anyways.” You said, grabbing you and Tom each a water bottle before turning off the main light.

You turned on the small light above your bed so you could sort out your sleeping arrangements. You grabbed your toiletries bag and pulled out a make-up wipe, trying to clean your face since you didn’t really get to do your nightly routine.

“Can I use one of those?” Tom asked, realizing he hadn’t been able to wash his face either.

“Come here” you said, scooting against Tom so you could run the damp cloth over his face. He watched your gentle movements, feeling you run the cool cloth across his skin.

“Thank you” he said, kissing the back of your hand before scooting back in the bed and laying down.

You put your bag back and drank some of your water before crawling fully into the bed and turning off the light. “Are you good?” you asked, turning to face Tom in the dark. You could feel his hand reach out and settle on your arm.

“I am” he answered, running his hand down your arm, to rest on your hip. “I want to finish your toast” he whispered, scooting his pillow closer to yours. “What Evans said was true, but you’re so much more, y/n. You’re beautiful and incredibly intelligent and there is not a single person I look forward to seeing more than you.”

“I think you’re drunk” you replied, knowing that if the light was on your face would be bright red.

“I am” Tom chuckled. “I still stand by what I said.”

You reached forward and ran your hand up Tom’s chest until you felt your fingers graze the side of his face. “I’m going to have to thank Hemsworth for getting you tipsy” you laughed, teasing Tom. You scooted closer to him, feeling him wrap his arm around your back and hold you against him.

“I couldn’t have waited much longer to tell you anyways” Tom replied. “I was just nervous you didn’t feel the same. We’ve been such good friends for so long…”

You interrupted him, capturing his lips in a kiss. “I’ve wanted to do that for years” you said, connecting your lips in a second kiss.

“Oh, thank god.” Tom said, a little louder than intended. “Can I call you mine?”

You laughed, trying to stay quiet. “Please, do.” You answered reconnecting your lips.

Tom rolled to hover over you, deepening the kiss.

“Fucking finally!” you heard Scarlett call out, making Tom collapse on top of you in laughter.

“Right?” Evans added. “It’s been ages.”

“Fair warning, I am telling this story at your wedding” Hemsworth said.

“I think our friends are happy for us” Tom said in a much quieter voice, flipping the two of you so that you were laying against his chest.

“I mean, I’m pretty happy for us” you replied, snuggling into his warm chest.

“Me too, love. Get some sleep” he said, running his hand up and down your back as he felt your breaths even out.

#Tom Hiddleston #Tom Hiddleston x Reader #Tom Hiddleston Imagine #Tom Hiddleston Fic #Loki

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kemendin · 3 years ago

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OC Interview Questions

Snagged this from @grandninjamasterren! Tagging @jacksothereye @xanthouransong @yarpell @fanthings @sweetearthandnorthernsky @radbeetle @portergage and/or anybody else who wants to give it a go

Name? I figure if you’re interviewing me, you should know this. Just for the record, if you would. Alright, alright. Caspian Serapis. Though a lot of people seem to think it’s ‘Commander’.

Are you single? No. [Serapis smiles lightly.] I’d say sorry, but I’m not sorry at all. Would you tell us about your partner? I don’t think he’d appreciate that. He likes his privacy. [Serapis pauses.] And his space. [This seems to be a joke of some kind but it’s unclear how.]

Are you happy? Deep down, yeah, I’d say so. Much as the galaxy keeps trying to interfere with that.

Are you angry? Angry? [Serapis appears to think for a moment.] No, not anymore. Not regularly, anyway.

Are your parents still married? As far as I know. So you haven’t been in regular contact with them? [Serapis shakes his head.] Call it a Jedi habit, if you want.

NINE FACTS

Birth place? Corellia.

Hair colour? You tell me, unless you’ve got a mirror handy. [Serapis rolls his eyes.]

Eye colour? Lighting’s a bit off in here so I’ll give you this one. Grey.

Birthday? Yes.

Mood? Right now? We’ll say ‘restless’. How many of these questions are there? Quite a few, sir. I was afraid of that. Go on, then.

Gender? Male, last I checked.

Summer or winter? Summer, no question. I hate being cold.

Morning or afternoon? I like mornings. Feels more like there’s something to look forward to, you know?

EIGHT THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE?

Are you in love? Oh, now you’re chucking me into the deep end of it, I see. [Serapis rubs his thumb over what looks like an ornament of Sith origin that hangs in his hair on the right side of his face. It takes him a few seconds to answer.] Yeah, I am. Deeply, desperately, delightedly. All those D words. [He smirks.] Plus another one I won’t actually say here.

Do you believe in love at first sight? Not really. Attraction, sure, but real love takes time.

Who ended your last relationship? I guess I did. [Serapis looks down for a second.] But it just sort of... fell apart quietly. It’s fine, though. We’re still friends.

Have you ever broken someone’s heart? A couple of times, I think.

Are you afraid of commitments? Not particularly. Sometimes I worry about the consequences, but... it’s better to actually commit than to let something hang uncertainly.

Have you hugged someone within the last week? Yes. Who was it? My partner. And also my friend Kira. Actually she hugged me first, I just responded.

Have you ever had a secret admirer? [Serapis laughs ruefully.] I’m sure I’ve got at least a hundred of them right now. Side effect of being such a well-known figure in the galaxy.

Have you ever broken your own heart? More than I’d care to admit. And no, I’m not elaborating on that.

SIX CHOICES

Love or lust? Can’t I have both? Alright, well, love I guess, but lust makes it fun sometimes.

Lemonade or iced tea? Iced tea, I think.

Cats or dogs? [Serapis shrugs.] I’m not really an animal person. They’re both fine.

A few best friends or many regular friends? A few best friends. They know who they are.

Wild night out or romantic night in? Romantic night in. I’ve spent way too many wild nights out there already. And not even in the fun way. What would you do on this hypothetical night in? Have a drink or two, just talk, really. We’ve still got a lot of missed time to make up for.

Day or night? Nights feel better to me. Calmer. Used to be the other way around, though.

FOUR HAVE YOU EVERS

Been caught sneaking out? [Serapis laughs a bit.] Oh yes. I was a chronic case as a Padawan, always getting into places I shouldn’t have been. To be fair, I got better at the ‘not getting caught’ part. [He gives a mischievous look towards the camera.] Right, Master?

Fallen down/up the stairs? I mean, probably, I can’t remember any specific incidents though.

Wanted something/someone so badly it hurt? F***, yes. Finally got there in the end, but it was torture for literal years. [Serapis touches the Sith ornament again.]

Wanted to disappear? Does now count? [Serapis snorts quietly.] No, honestly, sometimes I wish I could disappear for a bit just to get away from all the people who keep throwing the fate of the galaxy at me like I’m the only one who can deal with that.

FOUR PREFERENCES

Smile or eyes? Eyes, definitely.

Shorter or taller? I’ll say taller.

Intelligence or attraction? Intelligence will always win out there.

Hook-up or relationship? Relationship, no question. Hook-ups are fine, but I like something that’s going to last a while.

FAMILY

Do you and your family get along? Reasonably. My brother and I don’t always see eye to eye. Why is that? He’s very... patriotic, about the Republic. Let’s just leave it there.

Would you say you have a “messed up life”? Is that a serious question? Yes. Well, let’s think about this. Consider my history, and the absolutely insane things I’ve somehow managed to do - stopping planets from being blown up, defeating dozens of Sith, de-throning emperors.... and those are just the big ones. Getting frozen in carbonite for five years seems positively mundane in comparison, doesn’t it? Is that messed up enough, or shall I go on?

Have you ever run away from home? A couple of times. Not for long, though.

Have you ever gotten kicked out? No, much to my surprise. There was a point in my training where I seriously thought I was going to get tossed out of the Jedi Order. Why was that? Did I mention the part where I was a difficult Padawan? Just being Force-sensitive doesn’t mean that life comes easily to someone. I was stubborn about it. It took the right mentor to help me find where I fit in with the Jedi way.

FRIENDS

Do you secretly hate one of your friends? [Serapis raises his eyebrows.] If I hate someone, I’m not friends with them.

Do you consider all of your friends good friends? If by ‘good’ you mean ‘good people’, then yes. That’s why I’m friends with them. If you’re talking ‘close’, well, some are closer than other. Like with everybody.

Who is your best friend? [Serapis grins.] He’s going to hate me for calling him out like this. Theron Shan. Notorious ex-SIS agent, the super-spy himself. [Serapis blows a kiss to the camera.] No, but honestly - he’s a good man. One of the best, professionally and personally. I’d be dead a dozen times over without him.

Who knows everything about you? I don’t think I even know everything about me. Isn’t that what life is about? Figuring out who you are? Which I’m still very much working on, for the record.

#swtor #swtor oc #swtor jedi knight #star wars oc #jedi knight #swtor:caspian #my oc #kem writes

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relative-dimension · 3 years ago

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Dr Who Reviews, Daily.

Hi, and welcome to whatever the fuck this is!

The plan for this blog is to watch and review every dr who episode, in order, and rank them all on my Totally Objective Scale of Doctor Who Quality (TOSDWQ or something for short. No don’t say that actually. That just sounds bad).

I’m hoping to get through the entire classic show (including specials, shorts, and the films, that’s 701 episodes, which will take me up to October 2024) but I do also have plotted out a vague plan to do the wilderness years content, the new show, SJA, Torchwood, and Class, which will take me to almost exactly three years from now. What with A-Levels, uni, and having an entire life, that probably won’t happen, but it’s nice to pretend to have a plan at least.

Explanation of my Totally Objective Scale of Doctor Who Quality under the cut:

All episodes are ranked on 6 different scales of 1-5, with a total score out of 30. The criterea are as follows:

Point 1 - “Is it an entertaining watch?” - the fun factor, or, how much did I actually enjoy the experience of the episode. This is where I would give my score out of 5 for the whole thing overall, factoring in points that will come into question for the other categories

Point 2 - “Does the production hold up?” - do the effects look like absolute ass? Is that clearly cardboard wall wobbling when an actor so much as breathes near it? Is half the cast in yellowface? This isn’t really about any sort of “objective” scale (I hate objectivity) but more a measure of how distracted I actually was by dated production values, because sometimes something looks like shit but I like it anyway (see: most model work tbh I will appreciate a good model before I complain about it not being 100% realistic)

Point 3 - “Does it use its time well?” - the pacing of Classic Who episodes is never great, is it? Sometimes nothing happens for half an hour. Sometimes too much happens and nothing gets enough focus. Sometimes the cliffhanger is a dramatic shot of some floor tiles. There’s so many ways that Doctor Who fucks this up, it’s honestly incredible.

Point 4 - “Are the characters consistent and well-used” - Doctor Who is a show in which writers always fail to use their main cast properly. Sometimes they’re too focused on their own OCs to give any of the regulars something to do, sometimes it’s just that someone gets locked in the Tardis and does nothing for almost the whole episode, and sometimes William Hartnell was unwell and they had to scatter his lines through the other characters. This one will be one of the more variable as to what I focus on, because sometimes a character being absent means more time for the others, and sometimes it’s obvious that the writer just had no idea what to do with them.

Point 5 - “Is there anything actually going on under the surface” - science fiction is always political in some way, but watching certain episodes of Doctor Who you wouldn’t fucking know it. Baseline is a 2 or 3, where there isn’t really anything that interesting going on but I could read something in there if I tried. A 1 must be that they’re actively trying to be as apolitical or stupid as possible, and while removing politics is in itself a political statement, I still think they should be punished for it.

Point 6 - “Does it avoid being a bit dodge with its politics” - this one exists because the week I was coming up with these ideas was also the week that @polaritypod (hi i love u guys) refused to review The Talons of Weng-Chiang and I thought about it and was like. Yeah you can’t really talk about Doctor Who without thinking about how bad some of it is to us. And while I’m not going to just ignore the cultural context that something was produced in, I do think an “and we do condemn! wholeheartedly!” approach is important. Just because it was the 1960s doesnt mean it’s suddenly fine. This is also the segment where I’ll ramble on the most, sometimes because I think there’s something happening but can’t quite put it into words, sometimes because it’s just that bad. And no, this category won’t be going away if I get to the new series. The 11th Doctor sexually assaulted a lesbian I’m not going to ignore it just because it was 2013 and not 1973.

I’ll also have a very loose tagging system going: season number, doctor & companions, if its got daleks or whatever, if it has a particular trope (historical, base under siege, etc) and what score bracket it falls into (going up in 5s)

#doctor who #dw

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vad-hander · 4 years ago

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JAEBEOM, THE GUY FROM THE BAR

Pairing: Jaebeom x reader

Genre: Series | Eventual Smut | Angst | Fluff

Warnings: break up, cheating, strangers to lovers, mentions of drinking

Words: 2.3k

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

You were sitting at the bar playing with the glass in your hands. The cocktail you were consuming for the past 15 minutes was almost gone and you were considering what should be your next order in your head. Your eyes ran after the bartender, watching him shuffle the bottle, finally pouring liquid into the glass of a blonde girl that was hungrily watching it fill up.

You lifted your arm, letting the guy behind the bar know you needed a refill, one more. You already lost count to the number of drinks you had in the last hour, trying to make your brain ignore the void inside of your chest. Your vision was getting blurry and it’s exactly what you were trying to do. You were trying to lose your sences with alcohol to not see what was happening to your left. The more drinks you downed, the less you saw with your peripheral vision. Everything went as planned, and you put all of your energy to erase the memory of this not being your initial plan when you left your place a couple of hours ago. You watched bartender finally move in your direction, sighing in relief. You were beginning to think he ignored you on purpose and were considering the option of becoming the annoying drunk customer that would make a scene for not getting their drink for too long.

“Let this one be on me.” you heard a voice behind you, not paying too much attention to it. Another guy was trying to be smooth with a wasted pretty girl at the bar, nothing new, you were just glad they weren’t bothering you.

Bartender turned his head towards you, finally stopping in front of your stool. You were about to open your mouth to order, having a slight smile on your lips, when your eyes finally focused on his face and you saw he wasn’t looking at you, his eyes were pierced to someone behind you. You felt anger blow up your body in a second, making your face red. You felt like you could punch the person who just got in front of you, right when you were about to order. Sudden anger made you want to turn around and fight with that person, until you realised bartender was looking back at you. He clearly was asking for your permission with his eyes and the sudden thought of you being the wasted pretty girl that someone was trying to hit on crossed your mind. You turned around immediately, feeling your face get even redder now due to the guys’ behind you intense staring. You felt puzzled, shy and confused all at the same time. You were pretty sure you swallowed your tongue in shock when your eyes ran over the stranger’s face and you had to lick your lips to make sure you didn’t. His handsome features made you scared and more than thinking what even made him talk to you, you were scared the drink he’d get for you could be poisoned. You stuttered trying to get a reply from your throat and he chuckled lightly at you. You noticed how his eyes turned into crescent moons when he did so and something inside of you switched.

“I swear, I’m not a creep.” he smiled kindly. “If you’re okay with me sitting here, I’ll explain.” you noticed how the seat next to you was empty and you wondered if he made someone leave while you were absorbed into watching the bartender.

“Okay…” you finally found it in you to speak. “You can sit, but not the drink. I’m able to pay for myself.”

“Deal.” he sat down and ordered a whiskey. Bartender nodded and turned to you, probably seeing how angered you were before and willing to take your order first. You asked for another rum with coke, turning your attention to the guy that seated himself next to you. Your eyes ran over the silhouette of his long nose with a sharp tip, plump upper lip that reminded you the shape of a heart, quickly running over his round but sharp cheeks. You noticed how he had his ears pierced and when you lowered your eyes to his hands that were laying at the bar you noticed silver rings on a couple of his fingers. You lifted your eyes back up meeting with his piercing gaze once again. You felt a flash of embarrassment and wondered if he noticed you checking him out.

He was handsome, but you weren’t interested. You repeated this before tasting your new drink on your tongue and licking your lips again.

“So…?” you asked when he kept staring and sipping on his whiskey quietly. You were beginning to feel awkward under his gaze. “I’m wondering what made you think I’m in need of a company?” you allowed the glass to meet the stone of the table, running your fingers through your hair to push them back. He did the same and you suddenly found it hard to breathe. You thought maybe, you hit your limit with the drinks tonight, deciding to not finish this glass.

“I watched you for a while and lost count of the drinks you had in just this hour. You don’t look like a party monster.” You made an offended face and a smile lit up his face again. “I’m sorry, but it’s true. Plus, I don’t think I ever saw you here before, and I’m a regular here. You don’t seem to be trying to seduce anyone so I guessed something happened to you and you might need someone to help you get home.” you were surprised with his precise observations to the extent of forgetting to not show it all on your face.

“So, you’re saying you’re not a creep and then you say you want to walk me home.” you made a suspicious face expression and he chuckled making a loud enough noise for you to hear it.

“And if it bothered you to show me where you live I would’ve taken you to my place.” he pointed biting his lower lip.

“Oh, that is definitely calming, totally a better option.” you nodded and the both of you laughed.

“You’re pretty when you smile.” he suddenly said with a serious face expression. You stopped laughing too and felt redness crawl over your face. The light atmosphere you felt come with laughter left you exactly same second the words left his mouth. Your eyes ran over the club and you didn’t find anything better than grabbing the glass and taking a sip of the drink you decided a second ago to not drink anymore. You felt soberer than before and the liquid even gave your throat a burn as if it was your first sip.

You weren’t used to being hit on by handsome guys at clubs due to two reasons: 1 - you weren’t going out much and 2 – well, actually, it was the first time you were all by yourself drowning yourself in drinks. “I’m sorry, I couldn’t not say it when I saw your face light up, you were too serious this whole time.”

“Thanks…” you coughed feeling the conversation die in awkwardness.

“So, are you okay? Something happened? You can tell me, I’m a complete stranger, nothing to be ashamed of.”

“I’m…fine.” you chewed on your lip wondering if it’s a good idea to share your life at the club when your practically wasted.

“Is it because of the guy over there?” his finger pointed behind you and you turned around with the speed of a turtle to see where he was pointing.

“What made you think so?” you quickly turned back, genuinely wondering.

“You keep on glancing back there, and every time you do you down your drink. For the past hour people switched around but your eyes kept glued to the only person that’s not moving over there.” He summarized.

“And you’re a regular here because you come to watch lonely girls get drunk and then offer to take them home? Whether their or yours?” you tried to change the topic, expanding your hand to the drink but changing your decision immediately.

“No, I’m a regular here because I live two blocks down the road. I was here with a friend, but he had to leave early because his girlfriend called him. I noticed you when I got here because you’re not the usual type to hang out here and it caught my eye. You caught my eye so I watched if you were with someone, but then I noticed you drinking non-stop and noticed you stare there. I came because I only wanted to make sure you’re fine and safe, and I still want to know that.” The tone that he spoke with made you believe him and you felt a tiny bit more relaxed than before. Maybe it was naïve to believe the first stranger you met but the alcohol in your system told you it’s not a big deal. You didn’t live in this area, you never came here before, talking to him won’t actually change much in your life because you wouldn’t remember anything by tomorrow, keeping in mind the amount of drinks you just had.

“That’s my boyfriend.” you simply stated.

“Who?” he asked confused and looked behind you.

“The guy that don’t move around, he’s who I came with. We’re dating.”

“With him?” he asked in disbelief, forcing for you to look there once again, to watch your boyfriend in action.

Your eyes immediately found a tall guy in the crowd. Currently he was dry humping a girl in the corner. He looked even more wasted now than twenty minutes ago when you looked at him last.

“Why is he with someone else there and you’re here. Are you two in that type of relationship?”

“That’s his best friend’s sister, they’re just having fun, don’t imagine things that aren’t there.” You defended, feeling yourself dumber with every word that left your mouth.

“You’re the one that’s trying to drink away the pain, I guess it’s you who should stop imagining.”

“It’s not that.” You said seriously, turning back to face the guy, not being able to look there for any longer.

“Why are you not with them having fun?”

“I don’t like to dance if it’s not just me and him.”

“He just left you here alone? For the whole evening? Not even checking on you once?” you looked the guy in the eyes knowing for a fact he’s right, but you told yourself he wasn’t. He doesn’t know everything. He doesn’t know you or your boyfriend. He doesn’t know he actually loves you. “He doesn’t love you.” he added a silent moment after.

“You crossed the line.” You tried to tell him to apologize calmly but he definitely didn’t catch it.

“If I was your boyfriend I wouldn’t leave you for a minute for some cheap-ass girl from a cheap diner around the corner. I’m sure I saw her there during day time.”

“What’s the exact reason for your lecture?” you were getting worked up. Who is he to tell you shit about your boyfriend? Who is he to play with your emotions like that?

Your boyfriend always told you you were a little bit sensitive, you were jealous under circumstances you shouldn’t have and he was sweet and caring enough to reassure you. You knew this was just one of those occasions and it was your own decision to stay at the bar when she suggested to dance, you were the one who made yourself go crazy in jealousy.

“No reason, I just noticed something, thought I’ll say it as well, since we’re talking anyway.” You ran your eyes once again to the corner where your boyfriend was, before focusing on your glass. The conversation died and you thought maybe he’ll leave since now he knows you won’t fall for whatever he had in store. “How long have you two been together?”

“8 months.”

“Dump him.” He said freely and your eyes shot up to the guy on your right side. Did he lose his mind?

“What?”

“Dump the guy if 8 months into a relationship he finds it normal to leave you at the bar to drown in drinks to make out in front of your face with someone else. That’s fucked.”

“He’s drunk, that’s his friends’ sister and I’m drunk and sensitive. You can chill out, Sherlock Holmes, you won’t find anything interesting here.” You made an excusing face sitting straight to stare into your phone. The guy went quiet and you let him be, killing the time.

“Baby, I’m sorry I took too long.” you felt your boyfriend’s hands over your waist. His cheek landed on your shoulder blade and he sighed letting you smell all the drinks he had. His body weight almost made you fall off the stool and the guy you talked to before prevented you from falling by your knee. You tried to ignore him and turned your face to see your boyfriend.

“Let’s go to yours?” you asked in hope.

“Yeah. Can Jack’s sister come with us? She can’t go back home, she said she’s fine with the couch.”

“It’s your place.” you nodded.

“You’re the best.” He kissed your cheek leaving a wet mark there. “By the way, I missed you so much, I wish you went dancing with us, they played your favorite song, did you hear it?” your boyfriends words made what the stranger guy said die in your head immediately.

“Yeah, me too. Let’s go?” you asked trying to stand up under his weight and he found balance allowing for you to do so. “See? You’re wrong, bye, good luck.” you said to the handsome guy, taking your boyfriends expanded hand and leaving the club with him. And his best friend’s sister too, of course.

more people voted for Jaebeom fic, so here's pt.1

I hope you enjoyed it, please let me know what you think! <3

#jaebeom #jaebeom smut #jay b #jaebeom fluff #jaebeom fanfiction #jaebum #im jaeboem #jaebom #got7 jb #jb fic #jb smut #jaebum smut #jaebum imagines #jaebum fluff #got7 #got7 jaebeom #got7 smut #got7 fluff

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