#these are just stuff from math assignments at school but I went over them

[delulu-baddie]

Between Sister and Heart

Summary: You begin to question your morals after getting into a relationship with your sisters ex Caitlin.

Pairing: Caitlin Clark x Reader

Warnings: Cheating and a few curse words

A/N:  I’m getting ready to go back to school so lifes been kind of hectic, but this is going to be a multi part series. As always thank you guys so much for reading and all of the love on my past projects. Lastly, make sure to send in some requests so that I can give you guys stories that you want to read. <3

_________________________________________________

You knew it was wrong and you should've stopped this a while ago. You two are going to cause so much hurt to someone that you love, but something about Caitlin made all of your morals go out the window. 

Caitlin and your sister Audrey had been together for the past two years and while you weren’t exactly fond of her in the beginning, you grew to like her, which turned into a great friendship, and you should have stopped there but didn’t. As time went on your feelings for the girl began to grow and for a while you were able to keep them to yourself, until you werent. 

9 Months Ago

Tonight one of Caitlins teammates was planning on throwing a party to commemorate the beginning of the new school year. Your sister is a STEM major, and has always taken her academics seriously, putting school work before anything else. You on the other hand were the opposite. You had a pretty easy major, probably one of the easiest your school has to offer. You liked going out to drink with friends, and going on random adventures, even when you knew you should be at home finishing assignments. Caitlin had always liked that about you. Typically when Audrey would tend to flake on certain events whenever she had a big assignment or a test coming up which ultimately was the reason she decided to start hanging out with you more, and tonight was no different.

Caitlin had let your sister know about Kate's party weeks ago, and while she didn’t give a definite ‘yes’, it still surprised Caitlin when she got a text saying she wasn’t going to be able to go because one of Audreys professors had already scheduled a test coming up in a week. Audrey knew her girlfriend hated going places alone when she planned on drinking so she urged Caitlin to ask you to go to her place. But what she didn’t know was that her girlfriend was happy that she had told her to ask you to go in her place. 

You had just finished up an assignment for your math class and heard a notification from your phone, quickly checking it and seeing a text from Caitlin.

                                            CC <3

CC <3

hey, ik this is totally last minute but your sister bailed on 

me and i need someone to come with me to my friends

party tn. so could you be the most perfect friend ever

and come with me. I’ll buy you crumbl cookie!

Y/N                                                                    

wow… glad to know im a

scapegoat. :’(

CC <3

omg you're right that sounds so insensitive, im sorry!

you don’t have to go, im sure you already have plans

for the night, i just figured id ask.

                                        Y/N

          chill clark, you had me at crumbl

what time do i need to be ready??

CC <3

in like two hours, you can come over to mines

to get ready if you want

Y/N

okay, ill be there in like 30. im

going to shower rq

CC <3

tysm! you're an angel!!!

You quickly take a shower and start getting your stuff together running back and forth between yours and your sister's closets trying to piece together an outfit. Once you come up with an outfit you deemed appropriate for a house party you say goodbye to your sister before making your way to Catlins. 

The drive is short since she only lives about ten minutes away, but you still rush out seeing as you have a little over an hour to get your hair and makeup done. You make your way to her front door and knock before its swiftly opened by a smiling Caitlin.

“Well if it isn't the life saver herself” She says bringing you into a hug.

You giggle at the comment before responding “Life saver or scapegoat?”

“Okay you know I love you and that I hate making plans with people at the last minute. It's not personal.” she says, rolling her eyes playfully and walking back towards her room to finish getting ready.

You follow the tall girl deeper into the apartment before making your way into the bathroom next to her and laying out all of your hair tools. After about half an hour you finally finish your hair and quickly do your makeup and get dressed so you two can pregame a bit before calling the uber and heading to Kate’s. 

About an hour into the party, it's pretty safe to say the two of you were plastered, however, even with the level of drunkenness you were at, you could tell Caitlin was being a lot clingier than usual. She was constantly wanting to be near you, holding your hand, even going as far to have you sit on her lap when all of the seats got taken during a group game sesh. At first you thought that she was so drunk that she was confusing you with your sister. That was until she pulled you out onto the balcony when she wanted some fresh air. 

The two of you just sat in silence, focusing on the trees blowing in the wind and the occasional late drivers passing by. After about ten minutes you felt her place her hand on your thigh. You hated to admit that you felt butterflies in your stomach at all of the little touches of affection she was showing you tonight, but you knew it was wrong and decided to correct her on it before things got too far. 

“Caitlin, this isn’t right, and maybe i'm reading into this too much and you're just too drunk to realize that i'm not Audrey, but this can't happen” you say, sliding her hand off your thigh, breaking the silence.

“I know exactly who you are,” she says, grabbing your hand from off your lap. “You’re the girl who will drop anything to come help me out with something,even when you know you have other things you should be focusing on. The girl who comes to all of my games so that I know I have someone personal there for me because her sister who i'm with refuses to put her disliking for the sport aside to come support me. You’re the girl I'm in love with, and I can't, no I refuse to go another day without telling you.” She rants. “And don't tell me that you don't feel the same because I know you do. I feel the way your heart starts to race every time i hug you. I see how you look away every time your sister and I share some sort of affection. I need you to tell me so that I don’t feel stupid for telling you this right now” she finishes now facing you completely, staring at your eyes desperately waiting for an answer.

You were quiet for a minute, however that felt like hours for the girl standing in front of you. She had just poured her heart out confessing her love to the sister of the girl she was dating. While you sat trying to process what was just said to you, Caitlin was freaking out internally hoping that she didn’t just fuck up her chances of ever speaking to you again. You finally decide to respond to the girl, but it wasn’t what she was expecting to hear as a response. 

“I think we should leave, it’s getting late and my sister is probably waiting for me to get back home.” you say, before walking back into the house to say your goodbyes to everyone and calling an uber back to Caitlins so that you can retrieve your stuff and head back to your place. 

Caitlin stood there in shock, she couldn’t believe that that was all you had to say. She had just let her guard down to tell you how she truly felt about you, and your only concern was the time and your sister sitting at home. She soon walks back into the party to say her goodbyes as well before following you out the door to get into the uber you had ordered a few minutes ago. Her teammates had noticed the change in demeanor between the two of you from when you went outside to when you came back in, but everyone decided it was best not to bring it up at the moment. The ride back to her place was quiet. Caitlin was hoping that you would say something, occasionally looking over at you, but you didn’t. You just stayed quiet, fiddling with your fingers and staring out the window for the whole 15 minute drive.

Once you guys had finally arrived back at her place, you begin getting all of your stuff together, mentally scolding yourself for not telling your true feelings to the girl. You could tell that she was angry at you for it, and it broke your heart, but she's your sister's girlfriend and you would never want to hurt Audrey even if that meant causing hurt to yourself. You finish grabbing all of your stuff and tell Caitlin you're going to head out before she stops you. 

“Look, I know you don't want to be around me right now, but Audrey would never forgive me if I let you drive home knowing that you had been drinking. Just stay the night here and you can leave in the morning, I'll just sleep on the couch.” She says looking everywhere but at you. 

“I’m fine, I promise. I can drive back home, I don't want to intrude.” you say looking down at the floor. 

“You could never intrude, if anything your absence would annoy me more.” she says, grabbing your chin to make you look at her.

Staring into her brown eyes made your heart melt. You were so in love with her and you didn’t want to fight it anymore. Before you could think twice you grab her face, pulling her into a kiss. It caught the girl off guard, but she quickly melted into it, placing her hands onto your waist pulling you in closer. The kiss was what you had been wanting to do for the past five months.  What you didn’t know was that she had been wanting to do it since the first time she laid eyes on you. The two of you eventually pull apart just looking at one another smiling. This felt right.

“Does that mean what I think it means?” she asks with a slight smirk on her lips.

“Yes Clark, that was my way of saying I love you too” you respond rolling your eyes but failing to hide the smile creeping up on your face. “But we have to do this the right way. If you want to be with me, you have to end things with my sister, I don't want to be the other woman.” you say sternly.

She swiftly brings you into a hug and whispers “For you, i'd do anything.”

[pinkacademiaprincess]

Hiii I’m so sorry to bother you!, hope your day goes well <3 I just want to ask, how can I improve in maths? I’m preparing myself for the sat and I have trouble with understanding it. Any tips would be very much appreciated, thanku !! ♡

Become a Math Whiz: Acing Math Class & the SAT 📈✏️📚👩‍🏫

ty for the ask & the kind words! you are never a bother, i'm happy to help 🥰 i can def give some tips as someone who went from struggling w/ math to being good at it. and i’ve taken the SAT so i know that experience as well! i hope this helps 💗

take accountability

it’s very easy to try to shift blame & avoid taking responsibility for your grades/ performance. i used to think things like “the teacher is just bad!” or “i’m just not a math person!” but this mindset is just deflecting. some things are out of your control, like what teacher you have or preferring other subjects, but you have to step up & work hard to create your own success! remembering this will help you stay motivated and disciplined.

find your learning style

i talked about this in a previous post too, but there are different styles of learning - visual, auditory, hands-on, & reading/writing - and not all of them work for everyone. if you spend a ton of time studying and don’t see improvement or results, that’s a big sign that you’re studying wrong. a method that works for your friend or that your teacher uses might not actually be effective for you. so do some research into learning styles and study methods, and find implement strategies that work for you.

never fall behind

okay, easier said than done. but one of the biggest reasons i used to struggle is math is that i would get stuck on a concept, never fully master it, and then i’d stay behind. in math, a lot of topics build on each other. if you get stuck on a topic, it’s crucial that you figure it out asap or your confusion will snowball. you can’t build a solid structure on top of a wobbly foundation. the moment you encounter a problem area, study it until you’ve completely understood.

practice makes perfect

i try to steer clear of recommending specific study methods b/c everyone has different learning styles. but math is so dependent on problem solving & applications that you really have to master this skill in order to succeed. beyond just reviewing your notes & reading over concepts, you need to practice applying topics by solving problems. do the homework questions & do them for accuracy, even if it’s just graded for completion. find extra problems in the textbook, workbook, online, etc. redo questions from class or the hw that confused you until you can do them correctly without your notes. drill it until you can solve them AND understand how the steps work!

ask for help

i am clearly a big proponent of asking for help. in school, your teachers are gonna be one of the best resources you have. for one, they’re teachers for a reason, so even if you think they’re not too great at explaining stuff, they know the concepts. and besides that, your teachers the ones who are creating units, assigning your work, writing & grading your tests... they should be your go-to for questions. visit them during office hours or email to set up a meeting where you can discuss concepts. ask for extra practice problems, ask them to look over your work & let you know how it looks, talk through your work with them. aside from teachers, you can get help from a tutor, a classmate, whoever you can turn to. but pls don’t suffer alone! succeeding with help is still succeeding.

use the internet

so maybe your teacher truly sucks at explaining. maybe you don’t have classmates to help and can’t afford a tutor. or maybe you just wanna supplement your learning another way. i really really recommend utilizing free learning tools online!! khan academy is an obvious one for videos, practice problems, and more. you can also find tons of youtube videos explaining math topics. sometimes it helps to hear things explained another way. i also google “[math concept] practice problems” if i want extra questions to work through.

bonus: tips for SAT math

the SAT is a bit different b/c the math concepts aren’t actually too advanced. it’s all multiple choice so you don’t get to rely on partial points for showing your work. the SAT is testing your strategy & speed as much as it’s actually testing you on math concepts, so here are my best tips for that specifically:

use khan academy’s SAT prep tool - it’s free (!!!!!) and it links to your collegeboard account. it uses prior years’ SAT content so it’s very similar to the test itself. it helps you pace yourself, pinpoint your problem areas, learn & apply concepts, & track your progress. here's a screenshot from when i used it, as you can see my scores improved and i was able to ultimately get a superscore of 1450!

take practice tests - this helps you get familiar with the time constraint. khan academy has plenty!!

do a ton of SAT math practice questions - ideally, find a ton of questions used in prior SAT tests and just crank them out. the test's concepts are quite repetitive so if you just focus on the topics they usually test, you can master them

learn test-taking strategies - the SAT is multiple choice and has a tricky time constraint, so however you can save time will help. become good at using the process of elimination & other multiple choice test methods. you can find these sorts of tips online!

i hope this helps! know that you are completely capable of improving at math. i went from thinking i suck at it & doing poorly in math class to acing my calc courses & studying to enter a math-focused field. utilize your resources and figure out your best study style asap, and you WILL see improvements!

[yayabee]

study sessions

robin arellano (tbp) x reader

note: this is my first oneshot post, don't make fun of me! lol!

one day, the student council decided to think it was a good idea to start a peer tutor program to help other students that were struggling with certain subjects. so you decided to join, (for the extra credit heh) and got assigned to a student that was struggling with math: robin arellano.

you knew him, he was kinda popular— well, because he was known for being "most toughest kid in school" well, second most, aside from vance hopper of course.

math class had just ended, and your next period was study hall—tutoring time. robin was packing up his things, ready to leave, when decided to talk to him.

robin was packing up his things, and you caught the briefest flicker of irritation cross his face when he glanced in your direction. he knew. of course, he knew.

as he headed toward the door, you stepped forward, calling out before you could second-guess yourself.

"hey, robin arellano, right?"

he stopped in his tracks, turning slowly to face you. his eyes locked on yours, and you swore the temperature in the room dropped a few degrees.

"yeah,"

he said, his tone flat but laced with something sharp.

"i‘m your tutor,"

you said, keeping your voice steady, though your heart was racing.

robin scoffed, the sound low and rough, as he slung his bag over his shoulder.

"yeah, I figured. they don’t exactly keep this stuff a secret."

he wasn’t making this easy, but then again, you hadn’t expected him to.

"so...should we get started?"

you asked, gesturing toward an empty table near the back of the room.

for a moment, he just stared at you, his expression unreadable. finally, he shrugged.

"lead the way."

it wasn’t much of an invitation, but you took it. as you both sat down, you caught a few curious glances from other students, but you tried to ignore them. robin, on the other hand, didn’t seem to care.

"so, how bad we talking?" you asked.

robin leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms.

"bad enough," he said.

you snickered, pulling out your messy notebook and pencil case.

"alright, bad enough doesn’t scare me. let’s see what we’re working with."

as you flipped through your notebook, robin leaned closer, his arm brushing yours lightly.

"you call this organized?"

he asked, gesturing to your notes with a raised eyebrow.

"hey, don’t judge. it works for me,"

you said, narrowing your eyes at him playfully, cheekily smiling.

"if you say so,"

he said, leaning back again, but his gaze lingered on you for a moment longer than you expected.

"alright, let’s start with the basics,"

you said, scribbling a quick problem on a scrap of paper and sliding it toward him.

"show me how you’d solve this."

robin stared at the problem, his lips pressing into a thin line. after a moment, he sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

"uh...I don’t even know where to start."

you smiled softly.

"that’s fine. we’ll go step by step. here—watch."

you leaned closer to explain, your shoulder brushing against his. you were so focused on the problem that you didn’t notice how quiet he’d gotten until you looked up and saw him watching you.

"what?" you asked, blinking.

robin quickly looked away, scratching the back of his neck.

"nothing. just...you’re kinda good at this," he mumbled.

you rolled your eyes playfully, a smirk tugging at your lips.

"tsk, I told you to watch me solve the problem, not my face."

robin scoffed lightly, but before he could respond, you added with a teasing grin,

"i know i’m pretty, but your grades are way more important, yeah?"

he blinked at you, momentarily stunned, before a quiet laugh escaped him. "you’re ridiculous," he muttered, shaking his head, but the faint smile on his face betrayed him.

as the session went on, robin started to relax. he even cracked a few jokes that made you laugh, and every time he got an answer right, he’d glance at you for approval, almost like he didn’t realize he was doing it.

by the end of the period, you were both packing up when he reached over and grabbed one of your pens that had rolled off the desk.

"here,"

he said, holding it out.

"thanks,"

you said, taking it from him, your fingers brushing briefly.

robin hesitated, then smirked.

"don’t lose it. you’re gonna need it for our next session."

you raised an eyebrow, a smile tugging at your lips.

"confident we’ll survive another one, huh?"

"maybe," he said, slinging his bag over his shoulder.

"you’re not half bad, Y/N."

it wasn’t much, but the way he said it made your chest feel just a little lighter. as he walked out, you couldn’t help but smile to yourself. maybe this tutoring thing wouldn’t be so bad after all.

[max1461]

I am, as usual, a counter-example to everyone's claims about higher education on all sides of the discourse, because I have a really weird academic history.

In summary: I was identified as a gifted kid at ~5 years old. Parents didn't act on that information because they didn't think accelerated classes would be good for me. Enrolled me in what I affectionately call a "hippy school", which I attended from 1st grade all the way through 12th grade. Before high school our work wasn't even graded, and homework was optional. The first time I ever had a piece of work graded I was 15 years old, in 9th grade, and it was terrifying. I don't remember what I got. Even in high school things were still incredibly chill and flexible, and grading was lenient. The first standardized test I ever took was the SAT.

As a kid, I had a hard time learning to read. I probably have undiagnosed dyslexia. Also, because my education was so flexible, the fact that I preferred to do other things over reading meant I got more practice at those other things, probably creating a bit of a vicious cycle. I liked math, and was good at it. When I got to high school, there were not enough math classes for me—this was more a consequence of the school being small than it being a hippy school. Nothing was offered above Calc 1. So I started studying math on my own. Actually I started studying math on my own before even taking Calc 1, because I didn't want to wait. I learned about complex numbers and some other stuff from YouTube lectures, but things really took off when I found out about proof-based math and started working through a copy of Herstein's Topics in Algebra in the summer before my junior year. I learned about groups, rings, fields and whatnot, how to write proofs, etc. I loved it and decided to major in math when I got to college.

I still couldn't read regular books at a rate much faster than a couple pages an hour, and I cheated on or blew off all my English assignments. I remain remorseless and regretless about this.

Around this same time I also discovered conlanging, and through that, linguistics. Somehow I started reading linguistics papers when I could find PDFs of them; I still don't really remember how this happened, in an episodic or theoretical sense. Like, I pretty much could not read, right? But I was reading linguistics papers? I think that I was skimming them + looking at the tables + way more interested in them than in books, so I was happy to spend a few hours on them. Plus papers are shorter than books. One way or another I learned a lot of linguistics, and decided I was going to major in linguistics when I got to college.

I was also struggling with some pretty bad mental health issues in my high school years, so a lot of it went by in a blur that I struggle to remember the details of.

I took the SAT three times, over the course of like a month? Or, I think the first two times were practice tests, administered in a realistic environment because I was taking an SAT prep class. I didn't pay much attention in that class, but getting used to the testing environment was kind of wild, because as mentioned, I'd never taken a test before. The first time I took the SAT, I scored dead average. The second time was ~200 points better (this is when the test was scored out of 2400), and the final time I took it I scored... 2100 or 2200? Something in there. I just remember that I got a perfect score on the reading comprehension section. I was a faster reader at that point, but more importantly the passages on the SAT were all short, so I had time to read them. And I guess my comprehension was good.

Other than the really bad mental illness, which had little to do with school itself, I enjoyed my high school years a lot and am glad I went to a hippy school. I think it was directly beneficial to my intellectual development to get to fuck around and place my intellectual energies where I wanted to place them, and I think it was good for my social development to get to blow off responsibilities with relative impunity as a 16 year old. I don't think I would have learned higher math if I had become accustomed to learning things in a spoon-fed way from an established curriculum.

Anyway, after all that, I got into a semi-elite college. I won't say much more so that I can't be doxxed. I had a plan to double major in math and linguistics, which I did. I was actually, before going, completely terrified of having real responsibilities for the first time, of actually having to go to class, actually having to do the homework, as the professor set it out, and not being able to just sort of talk my around the parts I didn't want to do. I had never had that experience before!

Miraculously, it went perfectly fine. I had basically no trouble adjusting to this new way of life, and ended up doing very well in college. I took a lot of hard math classes, and did well in all of them, and found that I greatly enjoyed the fast-paced, lots-of-work-and-lots-of-deadlines life (completely contrary to everything I had experienced up to that point). For this and other reasons, I enjoyed college even more than high school, and had a very good time there.

Uh. But yeah I still pretty much couldn't read, like, in the way other people read. I mostly still can't. In 2020 when I timed myself I was reading at 10 pages an hour but that pace was fucking painful, like it took all my concentration and exhausted me. Books my fucking nemesis. Also got a perfect score on the GRE reading comprehension section though.

[mattsturnioloismylordandsaviour]

I’ll teach you — Matt Sturniolo

summary: i’m failing maths, so my teacher assigns me a new tutor, and i go to his house after school.

warnings: smut, virgin!nervous!matt, mommykink,

its the last class of the school day

the bell rings, piercing my ears as i shove my belongings into my backpack. “y/n, come over here will you?” my teacher says to me from over the classroom.

as everyone starts to leave the class, i walk over to his desk. “look at these.” he pushes 6 of my previous test sheets over to the end of the test. all of them either have D’s or F’s. “what happened? you used to be my best student y/n” he says. “i’m sorry sir, i’ve just been really tired lately and i have literally no motivation i lose my focus so quickly.”

“i figured. so i had an idea of how to help you focus, and i think you need a tutor. so i’ve assigned you to matt — your new tutor.” he says, pointing to the back of the class. my sight follows the direction of his finger and suddenly me and matt lock eyes. he quickly averts his gaze to the floor, and stuffs his folders and pens into his bag. i smile at the teacher, then walk out of the class — waiting in the hallway for matt.

he comes out from behind the door and is slightly surprised when he sees me. “hey matt” i say, striking up a conversation. he looks at me, then replies “hey, i’m your tutor right?” “yeah mr/n told me about that. do you want my number so we can figure out a schedule?” i ask, my neck fixed upwards because of how tall matt was. “uh-sure” he replies, “there’s my phone you can put your number in”.

its 6:34pm. i’m watching a disney film when my phone lights up with a text. its from matt

hey y/n, are you free right now?

hey matt, yeah i’m free.

do you want to come over to my house, to study?

suree

okay i’ll send my address

alrr

im at matt’s doorstep. i knock the door and i’m immediately greeted by his warm smile and a “heyy, come on in.” he’s wearing a loose white shirt and grey sweatpants. im wearing shorts and a tight white top — covered by a large hoodie. i walk into his room. “y’know , i have two other brothers but they’re out tonight so it’s just us.” he says. “cool” i reply. for the next hour or two i kept repeating his words in my head “ it’s just us.”

we are in the middle of algebra, and matt gets distracted by his phone. “… wait so what’s question 5 again?” i ask. no reply. “matt??” he looks up from his screen confused.

“what? sorry sorry just got a text.” he replies , putting his phone back on the table, face down. “who’s texting you that’s more important than me?” i say seriously, but chuckle hinting at sarcasm.

“nobody. nobody’s more important.” he says in a serious tone, but no laughs or anything. he looks up at me and smirks before scanning his eyes across the plethora of paper and equations in front of us on his desk. “oh really?” i reply, staring into his deep blue eyes. he stares back, and doesn’t look away. his cheeks start turning pink , and he starts tapping his foot under the table.

he doesn’t look at me again for a while, and i ask him “is the ac on? im getting really hot” . “i think it’s on , yeah.” he says still not looking at me. it annoyed me how much i wanted him to look at me. suddenly i had an idea. i took off my hoodie and put it on his bed “can i put this here for a minute?” i ask. he looks over at me finally, but not so my face, more my boobs. i guess the tight shirt was really tight then.

i ask him about a question . instead of asking me to pass him the paper , he comes over to me and leans over my shoulder. i didn’t realise he was doing this , so when i turned my head around his lips pecked mine. i quickly pulled away and saw the way matts face turned red. he sat down on the edge of his bed for a minute. i went over and sat next to him. “matt … have you ever kissed a girl?” “n-no why?” he replies, looking at me dead in the eye. “have you ever … y’know?” i asked. “no, i’ve never had any girls attention, really.” he said, turning away and looking at the bare walls to prevent eye contact.

“would you wanna?” .. there’s an awkward silence between me and him, a large space but when he turns and looks at me i close the gap between us and latch my lips onto his. our tongues interlink, he’s surprisingly good at this. we make out for a couple minutes, i grab his neck, and crawl on top of him when he suddenly pulls away. “y/n i… i’ve never done this i… don’t know what to do…” he says with a nervous look on his face. “don’t worry matt, i’ll teach you.”

i start to slowly grind on him, feeling his warm, stiff cock underneath his sweats. he is holding my waist, and i can feel his hand trembling. he looks at me with hungry eyes. “can i —“ he tugs on my shirt and i pull it off, revealing my tits as i was wearing no bra. “what do you want me to do?” he asks, and i bury his face in my chest as im still humping his clothed dick. he’s sucking my skin, leaving red marks all over me.

i slow my hips down and pull off his sweatpants while keeping eye contact . he looks so cute and nervous i can feel my core heating up by everytime a small moan leaves his mouth.

i take off his boxers, watching his huge shaft spring up from the release. “p-please be careful , im really sensitive “ he muffles, with a worried look in this eyes. “don’t worry baby i will” as he lies down, and i push him further up the bed. i sit beside him and start stroking his big cock, precum dripping out and seeping down onto my fingers. “you’re so hard, matt” i say looking at him with a slighty shocked expression painted across my face. “im going to suck it now , okay sweetheart?” i say, his reply was a trembling nod of the head. i wrap my mouth around his warm meat , staring at his desperate eyes as they occasionally roll into the back of his head.

i start fondling with his balls , watching as his eyes tighten and his face squeezes up. “m’gonna cum ma” he mumbles. “good, cum for me baby. its okay.” i tell him. suddenly my mouth fills with his warm juice and i swallow every last drop.

“take my pants off matt.” i say. “you sure ?” he says looking at my hungrily. “i’m sure baby.” he pulls off my shorts and i spread my legs as he admires my thick thighs and sexy underwear. i pull off my thong, revealing my open core. its warm to the touch, and soaking wet. “wow.” matt lets out as he stares at my exposed heat, sitting next to me. “guide me ma” he says, as i grab his massive cock and massage it against my throbbing pussy. “does that feel good baby?” i look at him with my doe eyes. “oh g-god yes .” he mutters , in awe.

i let go of his shaft, letting him take charge. “matt i want you inside of me” i demand, as i grab his hips and grind his body into mine, his cock going 8 inches deep into my walls. matt lets out a loud groan “let it all out baby , i wanna hear you moan.” i tell him, instructing him through this. he starts whimpering “i’m c-close, i’m so close y/n” he lets out. “so am i, baby i can feel it coming” suddenly matt slows down and i feel my juices paint his dick. “cum for mommy , baby let it out” then, i feel a huge warmth inside of my pussy, and matt removes himself from my walls. i look down to see our exposed crotches, completely soaking and matts face stuck in shock. “thank you for guiding me ma” he looks at me, gazing softly. “we should do this again sweetheart,” i say smirking at his helpless body across the bed soaked in our juices.

“i guess we both learnt something important tonight”

[timetravell]

Twas the first day of school, here is a little recap:

We mainly went over all the new procedures. Theres one about phones and if they have to take it up 4 times in a row you have to pay a fine of 15 dollars. And the dress code regressed?? No teacher is enforcing it though. We still have the same tardy policy (10 tardies = ISS).

If this phone policy doesn't 'work' then we just- wont be allowed to bring our phones at all Which is a HUGE safety concern.

below is a recap of all my class periods <3

1st period: Colorguard

Nothing much happened here, again a lot of today was just a repeat of all procedures. There were a few band specific things, such as attendance, rehearsals, UDB, and stuff pertaining to the band hall itself. There is now a form so if need be, your istrument can be turned into the shop to get fixed!

We also cleaned out the guard locker room/area. All of the costumes from last year got put in one of the lower lockers. We somehow found stuff from seniors who left YEARS ago. And 3 year old water....in a jug still.. yikes.

2nd: Forensics!!!

Im actually so happy I got to be in this class. Im looking forward to a lot of things in it. Especially the labs and that one lecture about blood splatters. Our teacher is actually absent this first week, but thats because he's also the volleyball coach. (Our volleyball team is in Hawaii for nationals I believe)

We had three assignments. One of them was designing a locker (mine is super cute, it has a Marina poster), the second was a Syllabus scavenger hunt which isn't due until tomorrow but I wanted to get a jump on it so I finished it at home. The third was homework, which was just a student survey.

3rd: ELA

It was just, again, more policy updates and a little get to know you card. This class, thank god, wont be all on computer. We'll have some paper assignments. We haven't gotten our reading yet (which upsets me a teeny bit, but I'm sure we'll learn about it later in the week)

4th: AP World History

I'm actually so exited for this class its not even funny. I was genuinley upset when we didnt get our unit 0 packets and when I found out we werent getting our textbooks until Friday.

We did learn that the AP teachers are no longer allowed to split that 70% weighted major assignments to 40/30. Which absolutely sucks, and on top of that our first unit is stuff our state says we NEED to know to get said World History credit. Which means we wont even be tested on it come spring. Our district hates us.

I actually have a good teacher for this AP class, last year I had a very (idk how else to put it) 'White privlidged' teacher. AND AND I narrowly missed being stuck in a class with someone I despise. Made me so happy!

I also learned that 'The History of the Entire World I guess' is pretty accurate! So I can use that as a study resource for like- a short summary.

5th: Astronomy

SO SO SO excited for this class. And there is no math! None! (If they added math it would have to become an AP class). My teacher is so funny unironicly. He's very monotone and you would think he'd be a bore, but he's actually really funny in my opinion.

We actually will talk about why Astrology isnt real which I think will be really fun. I dont nessicarily believe astrology is real, I like the idea of it. But going indepts on why it isnt is going to be really interesting!

We also will get to learn how galaxies and solar systems form, which will be really helpfull for making my story, Abyss. Theres also gonna be night labs!! (if we go we get a free 100 on a test grade) And maybe some Day Labs if the school can get their hands on a solar telescope.

6th: Geometry

It's geometry. There wasnt really anything of note here. Just the fact that i somehow have a class full of kids who dont care abt the Highschool grades. (I have confirmed this, it isnt speculation) It's gonna be a loud period..

7th: Band (they split it up weird)

Again nothing of note. EXCEPT NOW I HAVE TO LEARN THE SHOW?? ON MY FLUTE?? WHAT??

Im in guard, i dont do 'band' until concert season. I cant work on my solo during this period OR my homework. Pissed me of factually because the original plan was as followed:

Used as a study hall

Practice choreography

Practice flute

But nope! They hate me! /j

8th: Musical Theatre!

So many new people! Its gonna be so much fun! I have a lot of friends in that class so im really excited!

I already know the song im gonna do for our first solo, just gotta get permission cuz its technicly not from a musical (Wont say im in love from hercules)

Anyways thats it!! Tmmr will most likely have some more stuff so follow if you want to see!

[red-dyed-sarumane]

list of some of the most on-brand forfy lore i can remember rn

when i was like 5 my parents took me into the city (rare event) & as a big fan on animals i got really excited to see masses of pigeons & me (5) wanted to go hug them so i spread my arms out & ran over to a bunch of them and they all took off together & kicked dirt in my eyes & i fell to my knees crying in the middle of the city. so i have held a grudge against pigeons for like 20 years now. ive also apparently learned nothing from this bc now i live in the city & see pigeons every day & theyre cute & stupid & i will be trying to pick one up if it gets too close to me. i do not expect this to end will. it will not stop me and i will get mad about it

i made up a fake sister for an essay once. wrote a whole thing about how she inspired me in my life but she moved to brazil & i havent heard from her since so im worried for her. the assignment had nothing to do with that it was a task in using a word with two different definitions & making those definitions into a cohesive theme. i got a 91 on it and that was bc i dont proofread and am notably bad at spelling. anyway my sister is name linesus (combination of linda & jesus. she's 51.6% jesus. the bible figure yeah.) shes 11 years older than me and works as a worm farmer in brazil. shes also dead from worm farming accidents. was a trend for several years for several friends & i to say "linesus didnt die for this" whenever something went wrong or was inconvenient

this isnt really a secret so i'll say it but the name akire actually is a nickname a friend & i came up with in a middle school math class bc we were bored & went hey we should just start calling each other by our names but written backwards. and then it just stuck & i still have irls that call me akire to this day. almost as stupid of a name origin as forfy being from me misspelling forklift, my friend intending to make fun of the typo but spelling it even worse, then me trying to make fun of THAT typo & accidentally making it even worse & then going "that sounds like some dumb ass name i'd use for an oc. im gonna use it for me"

had a crush on a guy in class in high school which is nothing except i'm socially inept & decided instead of talking to him to his face i would take inspiration from this site's anonymous mail feature & write little anonymous notes during breaks(boring stuff like have a nice day & what not) & slip them into his locker after lunch when no one was around to see me do it (they let lunch leave before other classes finished). this went on for a while until one of my friends was talking about it bc they heard from his friends that it was happening and i was like oh yeah dont tell anyone thats me & she was like dude he is totally losing his mind over who is doing this. & i immediately stopped. he never found out about it.

at one point started calling my all friends "son" & they started calling me "dad" in response. except the same friend who gave me the akire nickname it evolved into being clacl bc the cl looks like a d.

i've always been obsessed with things i like & would use them for school projects if applicable thats nothing new but it really reached its hight when they asked me for a timeline of life highlights to put in the high school year book & one of the few things i put was getting into shuuen no shiori project

this is just showing off A Skill but like i said i didnt grow up in a city & i also was just encouraged to do whatever as a kid unsupervised so long as it doesnt cause problems so one of my hobbies was getting boots on going into the shallow end of a pond & bare fist catching frogs while theyre in the water. i can still consistently do this. less consistently i can also do it with small turtles, they tend to flee earlier than frogs so its harder to get close enough.

for a science class we had to do a project where we took an existing song and make it about cells. i chose ryo's world is mine feat hatsune miku & made it cell themed & sang it in front of the whole class. i may or may not still have the lyrics doc somewhere on an old laptop

i think my current audience knows this but i kept running into vocaloid producer tokyo marcopolo at vocaloid conventions & he always recognized me after the first time so at the january vomas when i remembered i brought my own stickers with i ended up going back to his booth & giving him a rime lapis sticker as a rime fan solidarity thing.

got the nickname sass for a whole year from an english teacher because at the beginning of the year i had to get a form signed by my parents and she jokingly said it looked a little forged & i just shrugged and said "unfortunate"

i had a doppelgänger phenomenon for several years. genuinely i thought it was a friend known to make things up to keep things interesting until several more trustworthy friends and my own mother told me they encountered it. i was told frequently it was seen at school in the hallways & wouldnt answer when talked to. i was like okay its probably just someone who looks like me until several said they saw it with my locker open grabbing books. i barely knew my combination let alone anyone else. also so many of these happened when i was out of school sick so it wasn't just me having a dissociative episode. my mother's also told me she's heard me or seen me walk into different rooms in my actual house but then i wasnt there. i was either in my own room or at a friends house when it happened. still have no idea what went on there because theres no way all those people, some of whom hated each other, would all get together to make it up

not too long ago a guy tried to pick me up & usually i try to leave those situations as soon as possible bc im just not interested but i hadn't eaten in almost a day so i was like yeah sure i'll go to a cafe with u & i got a drink & some cake out of it and this guy actually ended up being someone super into vocaloid who'd gone to night hike & even did some synth work himself so we talked about vocaloid for about an hour. and then we left the cafe & he immediately asked in no uncertain terms to fuck. & i said no but it remains one of the funniest interactions ive had in my life

i had to make a board game for a class once & i made mine themed around cryptids like mothman & the chubracabra etc & i started crying in class from trying not to laugh bc i was trying to draw a bigfoot silhouette in illustrator (my beloathed) & i accidentally made him super buff

[tealfruit]

when I was a senior in high school I was in Advanced Algebra. I don't remember if that was the proper name for the class but whatever. it was the Algebra class that you got placed in if you scored high enough on the ACT and hadn't selected a specific other math course. there was only 9 people in the class including me.

the structure of the class was that the teacher would go over the content of a chapter and show us how to do the math, we'd be given a specific set of problems from the textbook to do, and 2-3 days of class to do them. we could do them at home or in class, and because it was a small class we were encouraged to help each other with the material. then we'd have a test every few chapters. while the teacher was very cool and generally everyone liked him, he was also from I think Algeria and had a heavy accent and us American teenagers sometimes had some minor trouble understanding him. so I ended up helping my classmates A Lot.

another thing about when I was in my senior year is that my stepmom was very abusive. there were often times when I was allowed to do Literally Nothing at home (including reading and drawing). so my most common strategy was to do Zero Work in class, and spend it drawing or reading or whatever I felt like doing that I was totally allowed to do at school but couldn't do at home. and then when I went home, I'd do the homework. because it was ALL I could do. and Mr. Agyemang was cool with it, bc I clearly understood the material enough to help my peers with it and usually got 100% on the assignment when I turned it in. (I also explained the situation to him. he was chill about it.)

the issue arose during the few times when I WASNT grounded from Being Alive, so when I got home I had other things I could do besides homework. and lemme tell you: when youre autistic and have ADHD and your choices are either "do math homework (work)" or "stare at wall (BORING)", math homework looks pretty damn appealing. but when your choices are "do math homework (work)" or "play solitaire and listen to Paramore on your laptop (enjoyable)", the homework becomes impossible. like pulling teeth.

the first time there was an assignment I just straight up hadn't finished, Mr. Agyemang was so disappointed in me and I felt so bad. cuz it's not like I didn't know the stuff. even if I zoned out while he was teaching, I could usually figure out from the textbook what I was doing, and if I still wasn't sure I could ask him or one of my other classmates to clarify some things. so it wasn't an issue of me knowing how to do the work, it was an issue of me just not doing it. which, for an undiagnosed ADHD haver, isn't a great look.

I had to adapt my strategy and do the work during class so that I could have fun at home. and it took maybe a little longer to figure that out than I'd care to admit. but it also meant Everyone knew when I was MegaGrounded so that was weird. and still nobody bothered to check out what the issue with my brain was. I think if been prescribed Vyvanse at 8 years old instead of 28 years old I could've at least finished college but. nobody guessed the Smart Girl could possibly have brain issues, they just thought I was Weird and also Lazy (and probably Lying about being so Forgetful bc i was so Smart)

[cathedralbellz]

blog: how today went

i honestly think today went okay. things were pretty normal for the most part. I went to my classes I eat with L and I didn’t have all of my classes today. I don’t have a full schedule, but I think I did pretty well today.

my math class went all right. I didn’t have any major complaints about it. I just don’t know if I’m gonna be able to get that assignment done

(￣ヘ￣;)

nothing super major today I didn’t do a whole lot. I still think today was productive, though.

I am a little upset. But that’s because my college applications are kicking my butt right now. My college applications aren’t going well because I didn’t have really good grades for my first two or three years of high school right now. My GPA is at a 4.0. my GPA used to be a 2.6 I think and it really sucks that they’re not counting that and I feel really bad about it because I’m really ashamed of my grades and one of the things that I’m most insecure about is my intelligence.

honestly, It just feels like they’re trying to insult my intelligence and it sucks. I doesn’t feel good and I hate it. I’ve been rejected from most of the colleges that I wanted to get into and I even had an okay chance of getting into them I had a target chance of 70 or higher and I still didn’t get into them. I got rejected from my dream college and I cried about that and now I don’t even know if I’m gonna get to go to my second choice.

They still haven’t contacted me at all which sucks. I just want to go to a nice college. I wanna move into the city and go to a college that I wanna go to, but that’s so unrealistic for me.

I feel really dumb and I don’t feel smart at all and I just feel super sucky and I don’t even really have a reason to be as dumb as I am

I know I’m not really dumb, but it feels like it when you’re categorized by numbers and letters and percentages it’s really dehumanizing and it just makes you feel awful and I don’t think I’m ever gonna get over that

I really wanna go to this college. I don’t wanna stay local. I really wanna go into the city, but that’s not very realistic for me right now.

It just feels bad that I am putting in so much effort this year and I have so much to do and I’m getting so much better but no one can see that because no one checks that and that’s pretty awful. I hope they ask for a midyear transcript or my counselor since the month because my grades are just phenomenal. I had all A’s in one B last semester and I only had the B in college class so it was all weighted differently. My classes went super well and my grades were super good and right now my grades are kind of bad but that’s because I haven’t gotten them up yet and I haven’t been keeping track of all my stuff. But it’s a new semester so lay off.

I just feel really sad about things right now. I don’t wanna go to a college that I don’t wanna go to and I can’t give away any specifics because then you guys will know where I live and I don’t want that.

I just really wanna get into a good college and it’s really disheartening to see my effort. Just be put to waste.

On a significantly more positive note, I am trying out and I’m fully committing to it this time, I’ve been super into gyaru/gal fashion and I’ve always wanted to try it for myself so I wanted to stick my wardrobe up and make some clothes and buy some clothes, but I wanted to keep my Gothic whimsy so I decided that I wanted to dive deeper in the Goshikku gal aesthetic

Today and it made me feel a little better. I feel pretty with it and I like how it looks on me.

I feel pretty good about my makeup and my style and I think I wanna keep doing it. I think it makes me feel more confident and prettier which is really nice.

i’m also a big fan of the going against the norm that this fashion kind of offers it’s pretty refreshing to see this whole culture of girls and women and people who don’t wanna go with the norm and who wanna be different.

I like fashion senses that are kind of unconventional and a little over the top. I think that’s why it was so appealing to me.

I wanna get my nails done after I get my paycheck for work this week. I’m really excited to get my paycheck and go buy stuff and splurge. I’ve only worked like three hours and I have $170. It feels great to have money. 

[angelosearch]

Every time I finish a writing session, I think to myself, "I can't wait to write again."

I cannot explain how good it feels to think that. I am near tears right now. I've fallen in love with writing again and I am so incredibly grateful.

As a kid, I loved writing. It was amazing to me, how words could evoke emotions. I looked forward to making people laugh or cry with my poetry and fiction, mostly in the form of over-achieving creative writing assignments and cards for family members. When I was 11-13, I lost so much family through death and estrangement, and I lost all of my friends because I moved. I was a weird kid, so I had trouble making friends in my new middle school. I felt alone in the world. Writing and fandom made a space where I could connect with others. A place where I could feel like an insider instead of an outsider.

Writing was my main hobby as a tween and that continued through high school. At that point, writing was a domain that held all my academic confidence. I went to a vocational high school for math and science (my two worst subjects) and literally had the second-lowest grades in my class of 41 students. My STEM-focused classmates made me feel like an idiot (sometimes on purpose, sometimes not) but I destroyed them in English or whenever a non-lab report paper was due.

So when it was time to select a college/major, writing felt like the only thing I was capable of. Undergrad Writing BAs (as opposed to English BAs with writing concentrations) are not common (at least as of 14 years ago, in the US) so the program I got into had basically every teenager who wanted to pursue writing on the East Coast in it.

I went in believing I would write "the next great American novel."

I came out thinking I was only good for writing technical stuff and marketing copy, if that.

Don't get me wrong, I learned a lot from the program, my professors, and my peers, but my peers were so skilled, and some of my professors were so ruthless, and some of the classes were so challenging that my confidence was obliterated. Writing was no longer something fun and expressive that could bring joy to others--no, it was my meal ticket and nothing else.

For years after my graduation, I tried here and there to get back into creative writing, but I was so burnt out on my jobs that creativity felt like a burden. Then, I spiraled downward with my mental health... I forgot I could love anything, nonetheless writing.

Journaling was the first thing to get me back into writing. And then personal essays. But the true joy came when I started writing fanfiction again, and it's been fucking magical.

I am obsessed with taking the ideas in my head and showing them to others. I love having to do deep research to understand something enough to write about it. I'm evoking emotion again! I'm connecting with people! And even my confidence is back thanks to the support of the amazing individuals who read and comment on my writing. ❤️

And maybe (specifically FFVIII) fanfiction is my main focus now, and maybe it always will be. But for the first time since I was a teenager, the idea of publishing something fictional or otherwise--publishing something that I WANT to write--feels obtainable.

It's cheesy, but hell, I feel like I'm doing what I was meant to do. When I write, I feel like I fit in my body, like I can tune out my anxious thoughts, like I am home. What a gift. I hope everyone can find a hobby that makes them feel this way.

And I know writing will frustrate me at times. And someday it may not feel magical to do it. But for now, I am just so excited to release my words into the wild and see what they get up to out there.

Thank you all for being on this journey with me! Now, I'm going to go write. :)

[worrywrite]

This reminds me of an assignment in a math class I had in college. It was the minimum required maths class any student had to take, and mostly it boiled down to how to use math to calculate interest and figure out your budget. Very practical class for low income folks (who were the majority of students).

Anyway, this assignment was pretty basic. Prof gives everyone a slightly different spreadsheet (I'm pretty sure there were only 2 or 3 variations total to keep us all honest) with a family's budget on it. Five person family plus a dog, some credit card debt and a mortgage, dad was sole earner and he was about to take a pay cut. So the goal was to figure out how to balance the budget so that one of a handful of different refinancing options for the credit card and mortgage would work. Basically, figure out which interest rates are the most liveable.

But, here's the thing. I hate math and I couldn't be bothered to do the very basic formulas on Excel to adjust the interest rates. This class was not my priority. So I just deducted what I deemed as unnecessary from the budget to make the pay cut work. I sent the dog to the pound, which saved money on food and cleaning. I cut the cable subscription. I eliminated "luxury" foods like coffee and wine. Stuff like that. And, ultimately, it worked. With a little wiggle room too, enough that the extra could go towards paying the principle on the mortgage and credit card so one could be paid off much faster than before.

And I handed that adjusted spreadsheet in.

And the professor pulled me aside after the next class. I'd gotten a 0. Not because I didn't adjust the interest rates like we were supposed to, technically it would have been a C by the rubric. It was because what I'd done was horrible. I had created a family budget without anything worth living for and no room to relax. There was no comfort in that family I had created on a spreadsheet, and the prof was genuinely worried about me. They made me do the assignment again, of course, because the course demanded it.

And I looked back on my life up to that point. And I realized that that is how I had grown up. And I hadn't been forced into it even. My family had never been very financially secure, but we had managed to get by with a little room for happiness. But I had never let myself be "happy" because I knew we were just barely over that line into the green zone. I had overheard my parents freaking out about how they were going to budget for as long as I have memories. Money seemed to be everything to them, and it had become everything to me even when I hardly had or used any of it. I lived extremely frugally and largely through the grace of others. I never spent a dime if I could avoid it. My clothes were all second hand, my food was ramen and canned tuna and cheap white bread and peanut butter, my electronics were all purchased for me by someone else as a gift and only contained free software, I never paid for games or subscriptions or services, I didn't have pets (not after the family cat was evicted), I didn't socialize if I could avoid it because socializing meant paying for things most of the time, and the list just went on.

And I was--I felt like wet cardboard that had been run through a shredder. That professor probably didn't even mean to imply that I lived that way. And I didn't exactly let on that I did; I had put a lot of work into being "normal," because that was important to me. I went back to my apartment after that class and the talk with the prof and I just sat there in my tiny cinder block room that I shared with a roommate, on my bare bones metal frame twin bed, in front of the drafty half-basement window, and just fell apart in my own head while I watched it snow outside.

I had already worked part-time retail before college for 7.25. I'd even gotten a five cent raise for doing such a good job (🤮) before leaving for school and living off of minimal student loans, small grants/scholarships, and savings. But I hadn't yet realized how disastrously worthless that money that I'd had was--how worthless that work and income had been--because I had lived like a corpse (and I was, up until basically that semester I took the math class, noticeably malnourished and underweight and corpse-like) buried in my parents basement. I hadn't really let myself realize that you could buy things to enjoy them. I was living like I was playing an RPG, hoarding all my consumables for some unknown boss fight and even then not using them because I wasn't sure if this was a real boss or some kind of mini-boss. I was ready to get to the end of the game with an absurd amount of unused potential and I hadn't even questioned it.

But this one dumb budget assignment changed that. And I'm still working on building a family that has fun and joyful things baked into our budget. I'm still working on using my consumables. I'm still working on eating better and sleeping better and living better.

I hope other people can see that taking things off of your budget isn't the answer. Metaphorically and literally. Because it isn't. The answer is to demand more from life if you can and to balance what you have carefully if you can't.

Anyway, thanks Prof. Q. I hope you're okay.

Every time I get groceries I’m always appalled at how little you can get for like, $20. I was making banana pudding so I needed vanilla wafers but the brand name nilla wafers cost $4 a box. The minimum wage in my state is $7.25/hr. My friend put it really well when he said “imagine you work for an hour and someone hands you two boxes of nilla wafers and said ‘actually this is a bit more than what I owe you’”

[project-sour-grapes]

Final week of work was a rollercoaster. Boss rescinded access to a document that I was using to do one my tasks, but he didn't tell me and then did the task himself. Did not send an email or leave a note. I let our manager know what happened and that I felt unwelcome. She offered to have a meeting with me and then actually offered to let me go home right then and there while paying me the rest of my salary until my last official work day. I turned it down, because I wanted to get my work done. Bonus: I came into work the next morning and my boss was red in the face and irritated just looking at me, right off the bat. The whole morning, he was audibly angry. I could hear him kind of half-slam things on the desk and close doors with irritation and speak sternly to everybody. And then later in the day he was fine and he casually said, "Later!" to me. But then yesterday was my last work day, and he just didn't show up. Again, no communication. I told my sister, and she just texted back, "Coward?" Haha.

All I could control this last week was my ability to get my work done and done well, so I finished up my Python script, nailed the documentation down, and sent a big email with instructions to my boss and the tech, who was ultimately benefiting from the using the script.

On paper, today was my last day, but I met our manager first thing in the morning, turned in my badge, and then went home. The manager and I went over admin stuff and chatted about how she has to help prep the hospital for the new residents this summer. She keeps that machine chugging along, and it frankly sounds like a monstrous undertaking.

Anyway, after I walked out of her office, I emailed my boss and my coworker, the tech, that I was officially done. My boss said, "Thanks for letting us know. We wish you well on your future endeavors." So, he was polite in the end. It doesn't fill in the gaps in my sanity that he tried to pry open by being a dick, but it is something. He is just a guy. I am trying to give a more charitable interpretation to his position, despite his attempts to make me feel worthless and his general arrogance. There is another area of scientific research that he seems more interested in than what we were doing in that department. I am sure he is resentful about that and is allowing that feeling to spew out onto other people. So of course, when things are not going right, he is quick to point fingers. God forbid he point them at himself, because then that would require not being in denial about his unhappiness. Though, at baseline, he does seem to just be a jerk. He might still be a jerk even while working on his favorite research topic. When I sent my resignation email, he didn't respond to it, but instead sent an email 30 minutes later about something that he thought I did wrong. Weaponized silence yet again. See what a cockbag he is capable of being?

All of that aside, I feel pretty good. I think am starting to get sick with a low-grade fever, but today was honestly just good. Did some math homework. Brainstormed some stuff for my business. About to pull the trigger on paying for the paramedic school deposit. Watching Season 1 of The Bear. Despite my ongoing obligations, I still feel relieved. No commute tomorrow. No having to squeeze through traffic. Nobody to manipulate me with silence or short bursts of anger into believing that I am being creative in the "wrong way."

When I was younger--and I have been thinking about this a lot lately--I did not let anybody tell me how to draw or paint. I refused to "do" art the way anybody else did it. And yet, I was and am one of the best artists that I knew. My art teachers were great, and I loved them, but I always tried to get out of doing assignments the way that they wanted me to. This wasn't every assignment, but I would wriggle out of doing anything I didn't want to like a tiny dog that didn't want to be held. Guess what? Still a damn good painter. When I was in elementary school, my parents had me join this artist club at our tiny school that would draw at recess. They got me a big backpack with a sketchbook almost bigger than my whole body in it that I would walk out to recess with.

And then the teacher had us draw and shade spheres and then do like scribbling exercises in squares and stuff? I fucking hated it. Was not interested. Like, motherfucker, I am 5. Do not make me shade a fucking sphere. I am here to draw dogs and skateboards. So I took that "don't tell me how to do things" energy with me all throughout high school and was the art kid, who was damn good at what I did.

Why do I bring this up? For clout? Not really. The point is that when I just do shit and don't have to worry about other people's opinions, the work itself is good. Because I care. And I don't need to be scared into caring or bullied. Like, I don't need you to breathe over my shoulder and I don't want your opinion about how to do this thing. Let me work and leave me alone. In fact, I find the social labor of tactfully accepting other people's feedback to be exhausting, enough that I lose energy to do the main thing in the first place. Like I said, just let me be, and good work will get done. I intrinsically give a shit deep in my soul, I promise. It is when people try to inject their own stuff into my work that things get gummed up. Then there are too many cooks in the kitchen.

Because of this, I have been wondering these past few weeks: am I meant to work on my own, or am I just not a team player? How do I know the difference between being whiny and being meant for something greater than my current environment? I was about to ask one the important mentors in my life, but then, because he is a busy guy, I just thought, "What do I think he would respond to those questions?" And my thoughts were:

If you hate the concept of teams altogether and you treat people on your team poorly, then it is a "you" problem.

If you like teams but just don't like your current role on the team, then you are not being whiny or cynical. It is just not the right fit. Every team has roles. Pitchers don't necessarily make good first basemen, and so on.

If you are being cynical and are complaining but are doing nothing about it, then that is, again, a "you" problem.

Teams need leaders. If that is the role you gravitate towards, you are not going to be satisfied in more support-focused roles. Besides, some people may be relieved that you are taking up the leadership role so that they don't have to.

Okay, it is bedtime, so I am going to wrap up these thoughts. One of my thoughts about tomorrow (especially since I'm sick) was, "Oh, boy, I can wake up whenever I want to!" And, while that is true, I am going to stick to my schedule of waking up earlier in the day (7am or so) and getting going. I am actually looking forward to the new work that I am going to do, and I want to be successful. I am going to spend a month or so trying to build a life away from my hometown, which is exciting. A realization that I've had lately is that I don't want to build a life where I currently am (and not many people do), and that that is probably part of why I have continuously sabotaged myself. Because I get to the top of the mountain of some work or health goal and then I realize I am still not happy. Nice paying job, cool friends, some vacations. But the foundation is still wrong, so I knock over the whole tower out of boredom or frustration. So, here is to building on a totally different foundation. This time, the foundation is many miles away.

[swimuntilseaturnsblue]

Chapter 3

重生之真不挖煤 by 萝卜桑i Wildfire (Rebirth: I’m Really Not Mining Coal

raw link：重生之真不挖煤_萝卜桑1著_长佩文学网

Xu Hao：MC gong

Yan Ze：ML shou

When Xu Hao woke up and was thinking over breakfast, he figured he needed some kind of plan.

Life is all about how you manage it—a lesson Xu Hao learned way too late.

He spent the next few days chilling at home, not going anywhere, just glued to his computer researching all kinds of stuff online. After getting a handle on various social issues and the current state of things, he gradually started accepting the fact that he was back in his underage body.

Being underage had its ups and downs. The good part was being young enough to handle whatever life threw at you. The bad part? Being too young—you couldn't make your own decisions on a lot of things. Limited options, ya know?

Take school, for example.

School was definitely non-negotiable.

On the first day, his dad arranged for a driver to drop him off at the street corner in a relatively low-key Mercedes SUV. When Xu Hao stood at the entrance of R High in that black and white uniform, man, the feeling was just... don't even get me started.

Even though he hadn't exactly fit in during his entire first semester of high school, Xu Hao still had a soft spot for this place where he'd spent two and a half years.

How to put it... Elementary school was a blur, middle school was just messing around—nothing worth remembering there. But high school? Right around sixteen, seventeen years old? Not quite adult age but doing adult things? That's when that feeling of youth just hits you all at once.

Then again, Xu Hao wasn't the same kid he used to be. With all those little social tricks adults typically use, blending into R High's atmosphere and making a few decent friends wouldn't be that hard.

The challenge was having a nearly thirty-year-old, almost middle-aged dude going back to high school—and worse, having to go through the college entrance exam again. Xu Hao wasn't too confident about that one.

Right now, his English was probably okay, but he hadn't touched math, physics, or chemistry in years, and the concepts were all fuzzy. Good thing he was back in first-year high school. If he'd been dropped right into the college entrance exam, Xu Hao doubted he could score even half of what he did back then. At that point, why even wait for the results? Just have his parents ship him abroad and be done with it.

But studying abroad wasn't a bad option either, Xu Hao thought as his mind wandered. Even if he went overseas, things would be different this time. Last time he was forced to go—practically like being exiled. This time he'd choose to go himself, to further his education. That's motivation right there.

While Xu Hao was mulling over how studying abroad actually made sense, he steeled himself to act young, shouldered his backpack, and headed into the school.

It was the old campus, but all the old buildings had been renovated, painted to match the newer buildings behind them, giving the whole place a modern, designed feel. Xu Hao didn't bother asking for directions. He went straight to the second floor of the teaching building and stood outside Class 1-2, planning to wait for the teacher. Just then, a female classmate was walking into the classroom, and Xu Hao stopped her. "Hey, classmate, quick question—when does morning self-study start?"

At sixteen, Xu Hao was already pretty tall. His skin wasn't as fair as when he was younger, but at first glance, he was still a good-looking young man. By now, he'd completely lost his rural accent, carried himself confidently, and spoke quite politely, which made the girl blush slightly. She glanced around and said, "Um, isn't it always 7:30? Our teacher will be here soon. Which class are you from? Are you looking for someone?"

Xu Hao answered properly, "Oh, no, I'm new here. Just waiting for the teacher to assign me a seat. Don't worry about it—you go ahead. Looking forward to getting to know you, classmate."

The girl thought this was interesting but didn't say anything more. After returning to her seat, she still glanced over at Xu Hao in the doorway a few times, pretending it was accidental.

Xu Hao stood relaxed, resting his backpack against the wall behind him. Even though they were in the same class, the awkward thing was that Xu Hao really couldn't remember what this girl's name was.

Luckily, given the current situation—him being new and all—it was perfectly normal that he wouldn't know her name.

Shortly after, the homeroom teacher arrived.

The teacher was a woman in her forties. Since they'd already been in touch beforehand, she dealt with Xu Hao efficiently, gave him a few brief instructions, then motioned for him to enter. After having Xu Hao briefly introduce himself, she pointed to an empty window seat in the second-to-last row at the back of the classroom and told him to sit there.

Xu Hao had no objections and just carried his bag over.

Once he sat down and casually glanced to the side, he got a bit of a shock—he actually recognized someone up close.

The classroom was arranged with individual desks in rows, with about thirty students in total, so everyone had plenty of space. There were no desk-mates, and it didn't feel crowded at all.

The person sitting in the row next to Xu Hao had his long legs stretched out to one side. His school uniform jacket was unzipped, hanging loosely open over a semi-turtleneck black hoodie. One sleeve was pushed up to his elbow. His face was almost excessively handsome, though his expression was cold. Despite still being very young, he had an unmistakable "keep your distance" aura about him.

His exposed forearm had smooth, flowing lines, with a distinct knob at the wrist. His five long fingers were idly spinning a pen. Noticing a gaze fixed on him, he turned his head to look at Xu Hao with extremely cold eyes. After staring for a moment, he asked rather rudely, "What are you looking at?"

Morning self-study had already begun, and the classroom was so quiet you could only hear the sound of pages turning. This guy's voice wasn't particularly loud or soft, but his attitude was completely unapologetic, making it clear enough for over half the class to hear. Everyone turned to look.

But the homeroom teacher didn't say anything. She just glanced up in the direction of the voice, then tapped her desk, signaling everyone to turn back around and focus on studying.

Xu Hao's expression didn't change, though. Having everyone stare at him like that didn't make him feel awkward at all. He just said to the dude next to him, "Sorry about that," then turned away as if nothing had happened and focused on finding his own books.

Xu Hao remembered being in the same class as Yan Ze in high school. But he'd completely forgotten that Yan Ze had sat next to him for a while.

This made things easier, though. No need to avoid him—just keep his head down and stay out of trouble.

Did Xu Hao know what kind of person Yan Ze was?

Hell yeah, he knew.

He didn't just know Yan Ze's character, personality, strengths, and flaws—he even knew his hidden defects that nobody else was aware of.

Following the teacher's instructions, Xu Hao flipped through his book—page seventy-eight—his eyes pausing on the first line.

Yan Ze was truly one of those people born with such a head start in life that others couldn't even hope to catch up.

But as for being a one-sided friend in his previous life...

He was also the one person Xu Hao wanted to avoid most in this lifetime.

With someone like Yan Ze, your only hope of not getting on his bad side was to be invisible around him. Don't try to be his friend, but definitely don't piss him off.

Of course, with Yan Ze being so arrogant, looking down on everyone, walking around with that permanent scowl, acting like the whole world owed him money—being invisible to him was actually the easiest thing ever. Just keep your mouth shut, stay low-key, and guaranteed, after three years as classmates, he still wouldn't know your name.

Forget about school—in their social circle, Yan Ze was notorious for being difficult. Not only did he throw his weight around wherever he went, but his temper was also absolutely terrible. Yet somehow, everyone still treated him like royalty, rolling out the red carpet. Couldn't be helped—that's what happens when someone has that kind of status.

When Xu Hao first met Yan Ze in his previous life, he had no clue what Yan Ze's deal was.

Yan Ze's family kept their privacy extremely tight. Throughout high school, apart from those few classmates who also grew up in government compounds, nobody knew Yan Ze's family background. Others could only vaguely sense that he wasn't someone to mess with and that his family was definitely far from ordinary, but the specifics were just guesswork. Those who did know kept their mouths shut.

If others didn't know, Xu Hao certainly had no way of knowing either.

Later, he found out by chance in college, but by then it didn't seem like a big deal.

Once they'd gotten that close, Xu Hao didn't really feel any huge gap between them. Friendship wasn't about whose family had more money or power—wasn't it mainly about connecting on a deeper level?

That's honestly what Xu Hao thought back then.

And later...

Xu Hao flipped a couple more pages in his book and let out an incredibly deep sigh.

What happened later isn't worth mentioning. Nothing good came of it, that's for sure.

Honestly, Xu Hao thought, forget about this life where he had zero interest in any contact with Yan Ze. Even in his previous life, with Young Master Yan's attitude at school, that whole unapproachable, cold-as-ice demeanor... logically speaking, they shouldn't have had anything to talk about, so how did they ever get that close?

Xu Hao thought hard about it but really couldn't remember.

Was it maybe because their seats were close to each other?

That thought was killed as soon as it popped into his head.

Who was he kidding? Yan Ze? If Yan Ze could put aside his pride and build a relationship with the person sitting next to him, Xu Hao would twist his own head off and let the Chinese national soccer team use it as a ball.

Believing in the 2012 apocalypse seemed more realistic than that.

[avatar-anna]

The Professor

summary: you and harry are perfect strangers

words: 2.5k

tw: none

quick note: this takes place in the current world, but doesn't exactly follow the exact sequence of events as they happened!

PART I, PART II, PART III, PART IV, PART V Series Masterlist

March 2021

Nothing in your life was particularly meritorious, at least to the general public. All your life, you'd been praised for being exceptional, but you never asked to be. You just wanted to live your life in peace, doing what you loved and helping those in unique ways. One day one of your students just happened to get it on film. 

You weren’t from England, but you moved there about three years ago to teach forensic, criminal, and behavioral psychology at the University of Cambridge. When students walked into your classroom on the first day of school, they would give you “the look.” It was one you received all your life, the one that said people thought you couldn’t be quite so young and be where you were—collegiate level lecture halls, research labs, touring apartments by yourself, buying wine at a grocery store—and yet, there you stood. You never let the look get to you, though. For you, learning was the top priority, whether students or colleagues underestimated you wasn’t your problem, it was theirs.

As time went on, though, you managed to establish something of a reputation at Cambridge. You were known among students as a favorite professor, one that was hard but fair, and someone who was able to explain the material to any student, no matter what their academic history or learning disabilities might have suggested. You became known for your well-taught and interactive classes, office hours that were worth attending, and a last few minutes of class where you let students ask you whatever they wanted—if they stumped you, you gave them extra credit, if they didn’t, no extra credit. The game was supposed to be a way for students to get to know you better, and to lighten up your classes a bit. You loved to learn, and you wanted your students to enjoy it as much as you did. 

It became a popular facet of your classes, students raising their hands and asking questions about theoretical probabilities, quantum physics, what constellations you would find on the opposite hemisphere, or if you could quote a specific line from one of Shakespeare’s poems. You were hardly ever beat, but that just made your students try harder.

Soon enough, students started to film you and post the videos online. You didn’t know what app or what social media platform that was being used, seeing as you had no social media accounts of your own, but you were assured that no one was making fun of you. In fact, it was quite the opposite. People from all over started submitting questions to see if they could best you. 

Losing this game was a very rare occurrence, so much so that you hung up a bell in your lecture hall and let the student who posed a question ring it when you couldn’t come up with an answer. If your class got to ring the bell ten times, you’d take the class out for drinks. The bell was hardly ever rung, though, until one day, you picked on a girl who asked one simple question.

“Can you name a Harry Styles song?”

You’d blinked, not at all expecting that question. Popular culture questions came up every now and then, but students mostly asked you about stuff relating to math or history or science, wanting to know just how deep your well of knowledge was. But this question left your mind utterly blank, something that was almost as rare as not getting a question right. 

“I—I don’t know who that is,” you said, unable to come up with an answer. 

The whole classroom cheered, the first win of the term, and you sent everyone home or off to their next class with the promise to the young woman that you would make sure to give her extra credit on her next assignment.

According to your students, you became known online as the professor who, "knew everything except who the most popular man on the planet was." That didn't really bother you, though, and when you were asked about it, you merely said, "I don't know everything, actually. Sometimes I wish I did, but I don't." That was the end of that, and celebrities were soon left behind.

Then the pandemic happened.

You still had to teach, but even you noticed that online learning in the middle of a global pandemic was less than fun. You tried your best to keep your students engaged, still agreeing to your question and answer game, and ringing a bell for them whenever they got it right.

That’s when students convinced you to get social media. Before lockdown, all you had was your school email address and an old Facebook profile you rarely used, but one of your students claimed that a portion of the Internet liked learning from you, and that after your answer about Harry Styles, your “fanbase,” the student called it, only doubled. 

You told your students you’d think about it, but ultimately decided that you weren’t going to. While you appreciated all the benefits of technology, it wasn't really for you. But one day you came across an article about how students of all ages felt like they weren’t actually learning while in quarantine, and you couldn’t shake the feeling you should do something about it, that you could do something about it. So you looked up all the proper equipment, ordered it online, and suddenly you were posting videos of yourself teaching multiple subjects on YouTube, enlisting the help of one of your former students to do the editing and the posting, not really sure what would be interesting or “cool” for viewers. 

A following started to build as lockdown continued, and you came to love uploading your videos, if only because it made you happy that you could help more people learn. You were someone who constantly needed an activity to occupy your mind, and filming was a perfect addition to your stay-at-home schedule. You'd mastered entry-level coding, complex cross-stitching, and played multiple games of chess against your cat (who was an excellent opponent). Filming online educational videos seemed like the perfect pastime.

It wasn’t really about popularity or views or notoriety for you, you just wanted to teach, but apparently you had gained almost two million subscribers since your first video. When the world started to open up again and you were allowed back into the classroom with a mask mandate and a hybrid schedule of online and in-person classes, you thought about ending the videos, but the student who edited them for you—who you began to pay once you realized it was something of a full time job for them—convinced you to keep filming. “You could even record some of your lectures and post those,” they’d said, so you kept uploading. 

Life had somewhat returned to normal, though now on top of teaching in your lecture hall, you were also still teaching online and filming videos about math and science and any other subjects you could think of. It was a lot of work. At least, it was a lot of work for the average person. But you drank coffee like it was water and had a minor case of insomnia, so there were more than enough hours in the day to get everything done.

----------------------------------------------------------

Free time wasn’t something you knew very well, but you always made time for rare first editions. 

You had an acquaintance at an old bookstore close to Cambridge’s campus, and they emailed you saying they were being lent Shakespeare’s first folio and wanted to know if you wanted to see it before they had to put it in the glass display case for the other bookstore guests. You immediately jumped on the chance, buzzing with excitement during all of your lectures on the day you were meant to go.

You got to the bookstore early, so early that the shopkeeper told you it hadn’t arrived yet. So you browsed the shelves until you were called to the back, trying to find something that caught your eye. And you did, it just wasn’t on a bookshelf.

“‘The dawn is my Assyria; the sunset and moonrise my paphos, and unimaginable realms of faerie; broad noon shall be my England of the senses and the understanding; the night shall be my Germany of mystic philosophy and dreams.’”

The man holding the book of poems looked to where you were standing, a perplexed look on his face. “That’s—”

“Nature by Emerson. Chapter three,” you supplied, unable to help yourself. You never tried to come off as arrogant for knowing as much as you did. Knowledge just excited you so much that sometimes it came pouring out of you.

Sometimes people didn’t like being shown up. As a child, your teachers and classmates would find your intelligence and penchant for reciting material that should’ve been much too advanced for your age annoying. But this man didn’t seem to mind, though it was hard to tell with the mask covering half his face.

He flipped through the book before landing on a random page. “Chapter seven, page seventy-three. The line that comes after, ‘to pure spirit, it is fluid, it is volatile, it is obedient.’”

Grinning, you spoke without missing a beat. “‘Every spirit builds itself a house, and beyond its house, a world, and beyond its world a heaven. Know then, that the world exists for you, build, therefore, your own world.’”

His eyes crinkled, and you took that to mean he was smiling, which made something unfamiliar flutter in your stomach. He had nice eyes, you thought. A pretty shade of jade green framed by thick eyelashes.

“Impressive,” he said. “Do you have a photographic memory or something?”

“Or something,” you replied. You had an eidetic memory, a sky high IQ, and a brain that constantly wanted more knowledge. Mix that with ambitious parents and you had three PhDs and four degrees with a fifth one on the way. It was easier not to go into it, though, so you kept your career to yourself. 

While your mind was stellar, your communication skills outside of the classroom were not. And once you realized you didn’t have anything else to contribute, you slowly backed away. “Well, happy reading.”

“Hold on,” the man said before you could get too far. “Do you have any recommendations? I’m trying to get back into reading.”

Get back into reading? You would never know what that was like. There was never a moment where you didn’t have at least one book on your person. Biographies, novels, essay collections, it didn’t matter. Reading was your first and only love. Well, except for your cat. Reading was your first and only inanimate love.

“Y/n, it’s here!” the shopkeeper called.

The man looked at you curiously, and you were stuck between leaving him behind and getting a book for him. That could take forever, though! You didn’t know what this person liked or what he was looking for. He had Emerson in his hands, but that didn’t really help you understand his taste. A classic? No, that would be too obvious. Maybe a play? It was a good option, and it would certainly be quicker than a novel.

Your mind sifted through titles and authors and genres, trying to find one that stuck out. It snagged on a title, and you were suddenly saying, “Uh…Wait here.”

Moving through the stacks, you went to the shelf you’d visited a month ago when you happened upon this book. You grabbed your copy and rushed back over to where the man was still waiting.

“I read this last month,” you said, handing the book over. It had all your notes and annotations in it, as you were the only person at this bookstore that got to rent books. 

You came so frequently that the shopkeeper made a deal with you—a flat rate once a month for as many books as you wanted. Since your library at home was already quite extensive, you took him up on it, and you’d been renting ever since. Sometimes if you really liked a book, you’d purchase it, but most times you returned it, more often than not with your notes in the margins.

“On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous,” the man said, reading the title off the cover.  “Alright, I’ll check it out.”

You didn’t wait around to see if he actually would. With a small wave, you were off, ready to get your hands—gloved, obviously—on a precious artifact.

----------------------------------------------------------

A few weeks later and you were running late to your lecture. In your short teaching career, you’d never been late before. You were almost always early, occasionally on time, but never late. But just as you were leaving, you received a phone call from the police department.

Since you had a doctorate in forensic and criminal psychology and a degree in behavioral psychology, you often offered assistance on certain cases. Nothing like what might be seen on television, but you did read through case files and pinpoint things that were inconsistent or odd, looked at letters and notes to break down linguistics in the hopes that it would give something away, and looked at crime scene photos and provided any kind of knowledge that was stored inside your brain. You didn’t have a badge, and you didn’t go out into the field, but you did what you could. Another thing to keep you busy.

You were asked to look at another case file, which gave you an idea. Honestly, you were shocked you’d never thought of it before.

“This week we’re solving a murder.”

Everyone in your classroom had been chatting quietly, some playfully teasing you for being late to your lecture, until then. Some eyes were wide like they’d just been told you were giving the final today, others looked eager to apply what they’d learned.

You passed out the copies of the old case you got permission from the police department to use, explaining the rules as everyone got a packet. “Starting today, everyone will be getting into groups of three. You will attempt to solve a case from the seventies, using evidence from the case as it was collected. Everything you need is in the file, but I’ve labeled them to designate which day you should open each file. If you pay close attention, you should be able to solve this case quicker than the police did back then. Please do not skip ahead or look up this case online, this assignment is not being graded as such, but it will be an assessment of how much you’ve learned so far and what areas I need to go over more. I will expect a report from your group by the end of the week that details your findings, your process for solving the case, and of course, who did it and why you think so. Sound good?”

“Will you be taking part in the assignment?” one of your students asked.

You considered his question. “I hadn’t thought about it, but sure. I’m ending class early today because I really want you to use this time to focus on the assignment. You can use the classroom if you’d like, but if you are leaving, please let me know your groups beforehand. Have a good day, y’all.”

Nearly everyone left after that, but some groups stayed to work in the lecture hall or ask questions. Once everyone was taken care of, you left the room while flipping through your own case file, but it wasn’t the one you assigned to your class. Your eyes quickly scanned the new file given to you by the lead detective on the case, turning page after page as you looked at preliminary findings, autopsy reports, and possible suspects. Reading at a rapid pace was both a gift and an asset to you, it was what got you so many degrees and such a full library at home.

Unfortunately, sometimes your reading consumed you, and as you were walking and turning to the next page, you bumped into someone.

“Oh gosh, I’m so sorry!” you said, trying to catch your papers before they could fly away. Not only were they important, but they weren’t supposed to be read by the general public.

So focused on trying to put your file back together, you didn’t even notice who you bumped into, or that they had crouched down next to you to help. But then a hand rested on your arm and you froze. “It’s alright. I wasn’t looking either, to be fair.”

Your ears perked. Your excellent memory stemmed mostly from sight, but you remembered sound quite well too. You knew that voice.

Looking up, you saw the man from the bookstore. His face was covered up again, but his eyes were now covered by a pair of large black sunglasses as well, the hood of his sweatshirt pulled over his head, but not enough to cover a small tuft of hair that was clipped together. He didn’t seem to show any signs of remembering you, though, so you didn’t mention your previous encounter.

The man tried to offer you a hand to help you up, but you didn’t take it, for no other reason than restricting the spread of germs. You were always conscious of viral infections and catching things from strangers, but the pandemic made you more paranoid, and now you had a hard time just shaking hands with people.

“Woah,” he said, looking over one of the papers he helped you retrieve before handing it back to you. “This sounds serious.”

“It is,” you said matter of factly.

Some people didn’t like your bluntness, but he seemed to take it in stride. “Are you a detective or something?”

“...Or something.”

He took off his sunglasses to look you in the eye. “Or something,” he repeated. “You’re just full of mysteries, aren’t you?”

So he did remember you. “Not really. I just consult for the police department from time to time.”

“This is labeled as a series of murders. Possibly serial,” he said, perplexed by your casual tone. 

“It probably is, that’s why I’m consulting,” you said. “But you’re not really supposed to see that, so if I could just get those back, please.”

You reached your hand out for the papers, but he held them just out of reach. “Hold on, now I’m really curious. Where are you headed?”

“Home. Why?”

“I want to know more about what you do. I promise I won’t look at these,” he said, waving the remaining papers in his hand. “And I want to discuss the book you recommended.”

“You read it?” you asked, completely forgetting about part of the case file that was being held hostage.

“Of course. Maybe we could get coffee somewhere? I understand if you don’t want to invite me into your home.”

“It would probably be safer,” you agreed.

His eyes were crinkling, which made you think he was smiling behind his mask. “Because I could be a suspect?”

“What? No, I know it’s not you.”

“I know I shouldn’t be offended, but you wrote me off so quickly,” he joked, but you could tell he wasn’t actually hurt. If he was, it definitely would’ve been a red flag.

You shrugged, reaching your hand out. “You don’t fit the profile.”

“Ah. Right,” he agreed, though you were pretty sure he had no idea what you were talking about. “So, what do you say? Coffee?”

“Well…” You really needed to get home and work on this case. You already had some thoughts about it that would be helpful, and you didn’t want to chance losing parts of the file like you’d nearly just done now. “This is kind of time sensitive.”

“I understand,” the man said, and did you detect a slight twinge of disappointment in his voice? “Can I at least walk you back to your place and we can talk as we go? I promise I’m not a stalker or a murderer or anything. I just really liked the book and need someone to discuss it with.”

Even if he was a stalker or a serial killer, which you didn’t think he was, you had a black belt in two forms of martial arts, so you’d be more than capable of getting away, or at least doing some damage, but you didn’t tell him that. “Sure. I guess that’s okay.”

----------------------------------------------------------

You ended up inviting him into your home. Both of you had so much to say about the book you read, and by the time you made it to your front door, you were only halfway through your recommendation list, so you asked if he wanted to come inside so you could write them all down. He took you up on the offer, holding the door open for you after you unlocked it. He kept his mask on, and didn’t question you when you asked him to wash his hands and slide surgical booties over his shoes. Though things were slowly, very slowly, going back to normal in Cambridge, the virus was still spreading, and you weren’t taking any chances. 

“Sorry about the mess, I was in a bit of a rush this morning.”

“I’m not sure you would classify this as ‘mess,’” he replied, his green eyes wide as he took in the main room of your townhouse. There were books everywhere—on large bookshelves, stacked on top of each other next to the bookshelves, on your antique coffee table, and underneath lampstands. The shopkeeper’s deal to rent his books really came in handy, you were running out of space to put them.

While he browsed your bookshelf, you cleaned up your kitchen, putting aways the stray cup and plate you had to leave on your kitchen table this morning to rush to the police station. It wasn’t like you to leave dishes out like that, but you didn’t have the time to clean up after yourself. Now that everything was put away, you could rest a bit easier.

Once everything was cleaned up, you pulled your laptop out of your backpack and began drafting an email. When you invited him inside, you told him that you had to send it before you sat down to discuss anything else. Lives were literally at stake, that had to come first even when a cute stranger wanted to pick apart your brain about your favorite books.

Cute? Was he cute? You’d only seen the top half of his face, but your stomach fluttered more intensely anytime his eyes crinkled at something you said on the walk to your house, and he seemed to have a nice physique beneath his baggy sweatshirt. Objectively speaking, he was attractive, but looks were never something that attracted you to someone. You liked relationships of the mind. Someone who at least tried to be interested in the things that you were. It didn’t happen often, but this stranger seemed to hang on your every word, and that made your heart beat faster more than anything else.

Shaking your head, you focused on the email you had to send. Once it was drafted, edited, and looked over twice, you sent it, hoping that you’d done your part to better society.

The stranger looked your way when you joined him in the main room. His hands were behind his back and his shoulders slightly hunched as he inspected a shelf that was somewhat shorter than him. 

“You have a pretty diverse collection,” he said.

“Thank you. I like to hunt for rare first editions and signed copies when I can,” you said, joining him by one of your bookshelves. “You can take one off the shelf if you’d like.”

Never had anyone been so interested in your collection before, and it made you want to share with him even more. Not once had he judged you for having so many books or for your tastes or what was clearly an obsession. He just wanted to know more, and you could never turn down an opportunity to share knowledge.

“Not a lot of poetry,” he said absentmindedly, his eyes still scanning the shelves. 

“It’s not my favorite. Why? Do you like poetry?”

He shrugged. “As much as the next person, I suppose.”

Before you could reply or show him your beloved American classics, your cat softly padded across the floor and twirled himself around the stranger’s legs.

“And who might you be?” he asked, eyes wide, but not repulsed. It occurred to you then that you probably should’ve warned him about your cat in case he had allergies, but by the way he reached down to pet him, you didn’t think there were any sprouting problems. 

“That’s the Emperor,” you said, picking up your cat. 

“The Emperor? Like in Star Wars?”

“No, his full name is Emperor Trajan, my favorite of the Roman Emperors. But I usually just call him the Emperor so that people can associate him with whomever they want.”

He tilted his head at you. “You have a favorite Roman Emperor?”

“Mmhm. I went through a Roman antiquity phase last year.”

You were worried that you shared too much, revealed too much. Your students knew how much knowledge you had about almost everything, but there was a barrier between you and them. This person in front of you willingly came into your home to see your collection of books and to talk to you more, but what if you weren’t what he was expecting? 

“Sorry, that probably sounded weird,” you blurted, hugging your cat a little tighter to your chest.

“Don’t be sorry. No one should have to apologize for their interests,” he said, and though your first thought was to not believe him, you felt he was being sincere.

“Well, I think the guy who murdered a bunch of people should apologize for his interests,” you said, referring to your case file. He blinked at you, and your eyes widened. “That was a joke!”

You were afraid that your dry sense of humor was going to be the thing to really send him packing. Perhaps it wasn’t funny to joke about those things, but you found it necessary sometimes in order to deal with reading and looking at some of the horrible crimes people committed. 

And then he did the strangest thing. He laughed. You were so surprised, that you let out a small laugh of your own.

Reaching out, he scratched the Emperor behind his ears. “So, tell me more about this Emperor Trajan, and why he should be my favorite too.”

[drivencrazymad]

Delinquent's House

(Stranger Things) Eddie Munson x Male Reader 

TW: Drugs, possible abuse

Summary Eddie runs to the “Delinquent's” House for help.

 ----------------------------------------------------------------------

Universal POV 

It had been a long day for Y/N. He had been working a 12 hour shift for almost a month trying to save up enough money for a new guitar. He had barely got home from work, he was about to take a shower when someone knocked on the door. Y/N decided to walk to the door even if he was shirtless. When he opened the door he saw Eddie Munson, he was hurt, he looked weak and had a busted lip. Ed was shivering, bleeding, and scared. When Y/N looked at Eddie's eyes he could see a slightly dazed look in his eyes; Eddie had been drugged and assaulted.

 Eddie looked at Y/N up and down, he was barely standing up. “I didn’t know where else to go” Eddie mumbled before passing out in Y/N arms. All Y/N could do was carry Eddie inside and take care of his wounds.

 Once Y/N set Eddie in bed, he decided to carefully take Ed’s shirt off. His torso was full of scratches, some deep cuts and a lot of bruises. Y/N went to the bathroom for the aid kit and started cleaning the cuts and applying ointment on the bruises and scratches. After making sure he had cleaned all the cuts in Eddie’s torso and put ointment on the bruises and scratches he carefully put a tshirt on Eddie, then covered him up with a blanket. 

Y/N decided to leave the room to let Eddie rest and take the opportunity to shower. After the shower he put some boxers and shorts on but decided to not use a shirt because it was a hot summer night. As Y/N laid down on the couch he started to wonder who could have done something so terrible to a sweet person like Eddie. He remembers the first time he and Eddie laid eyes on each other. They shared the same math class and the teacher had paired them up together for the mid semester project that involved making a scale model of different buildings.

 … 

Y/N Pov 

I was running late to my math class because stupid Harrington decided to wait for me in my locker to talk about the fact that we had just lost our jobs at the mall because of a fire and he along with robbing had been thinking about where we could find a job. 

“Stupid Steve, and his stupid hair, with those stupid eyes that keep on distracting me”. I mumble just before sitting on my chair and looking at the teacher who had stopped talking when I came in.

 “... as I was saying I would choose the partners and Mr. Y/L/N you would have the pleasure of working with…” she was scanning the classroom looking for someone who I didn’t talk to “ yes, you will work with Mr. Munson…..” She kept on talking and assigning partners as I looked up and turned my back to see how Eddie seemed like he was giving terrible news. 

I stood up and started walking to Eddie to sit next to him, he explained the project and we began planning. It was the first time I have talked to him and it wasn’t as bad as I thought. I could even hear him hum some Bon Jovi songs as we worked.

 Once the class was over me and Eddie decided to keep on working on the project today after class in his house. He said I could follow his van after school. 

…

 It was barely lunch time and I was sitting down with Steve, Robin, and Nancy. We were talking about random stuff as we ate. Minutes later we all turned to Eddie's table as he was walking on the table shouting to the jocks table and laughing. Mike was at that table and it seemed like that was something regular. Before Eddie sat down in his chair again he turned his gaze to my table and said something along the lines of “ This school should be like them, mixed, a Jock, a Bad geek, a teacher pet and a delinquent all in the same environment like it's normal, no stereotypes”. When he said that Steve and Robin Flicked him up and me and Nance just ignored him and kept on eating and talking now about founding a place that could hire three of us.

 …

 The school day was done. I was about to go home when Eddie approached me in the parking lot. “Remember we have to work on the project, right?” he asked and I only nodded even though I had forgotten, “ Ok, just follow my van”. He took off to get in his van as I got in my motorcycle. I just followed him to his “house”, I had been here before. Max lives in front of him. I got off of my motorcycle and followed Eddie to his living room where we began to work with some music in the background. 

“You hungry” before I could even answer my stomach growled. “ That sounds like a yes, what do you think about Pizza?”.

 “Yeah sure, I'm not picky”. 

“Ok, let me go so you could take a break from work and, I don’t know, go outside” we both went outside and he started his van to go for pizza. As I was outside I saw Max so I decided to go to her and talk a bit.

 “Hey little red” as I got close to her I messed with her hair and she just gave me a mean/funny face.

 “Hey, what are you doing here?” 

“Doing a Math assignment with Munson, He went for Pizza to eat and I decided to take a break from all the planning, building and math”.  Max and I just started walking to her dog, when we got to the dog we sat down on the floor.

 “Why do you have to do the assignment with Munson” “I was late for class so the teacher put me with him as a weird way of punishment I think”. 

We kept on talking until Eddie patted my back, he had three boxes of pizza in one of his hands. I quickly stand up and give Max a hand. 

“Who 's this?” Eddie was looking at Max up and down like if she was a weird animal in the zoo

 “ This is Max, she is part of Mike’s party and like my little sister” Eddie only nodded and smiled at Max

 “Wanna eat with us, seems like I bought enough for you to join us” Max accepted and we went to Eddie's trailer and started eating while talking about school and how horrible the teachers were and how much homework they left every single day.

 After we were done eating Max left and me and Eddie kept on working on the assignment. But this time we talked and sang and laughed as we worked. I discovered that we were alike even though he called me a delinquent. He was quite charming. We had the same taste in music, movies and even in books. He then showed me his guitar and even played a song.

 Without even noticing it was already 11 pm, Eddie had insisted on me staying even more after the history of Hawkins and I accepted. I slept on the couch after we got done the project and the next day we had to turn it in.

 …

 When I woke up Eddie was already ready for school and he was eating some cold pizza that was left from yesterday.

 “ Here, use some of my clothes, you can change them in my room”. He gave me a pair of ripped jeans, an AC/DC shirt and a leather jacket. When I was done changing I came out of the room and as he looked at me he said “ you need some rings and chains”. He then proceeded to give me some of his rings and went to his room for some chains.

 After that he took on the project and we went to school. I gave Max a lift to school. Once we got to school I helped Eddie with the project and we were lucky that today Math was our first class so we didn’t have to carry this around all day.

 …

 Last day of the semester before the winter break and I had already done the Math, English, Science and Gym midterms and had at least got a B on all of them. It was already lunch and everyone kept staring at me like I had something in my face. When Steve, Nance and Robin got to the table I turned to them to ask “ Why is everyone looking at me?Do I have something on my face or what?”.

 Robin was the first person to say “it's probably because you are wearing Eddie ‘The Freak’ Munson’s clothes”.

 “DON’T call him a freak” that was the first thing that came out of my mouth “ He ain’t no freak he’s just different like us”. 

“Why are you defending him?” Steve wondered “ YOU used to call him Freak not long ago”.

 “And he is kind of a freak” that was Nance.

“well He might be weird but so are we, and he is not weird to me, we actually have a lot in common. Like the fact that we both like Bon Jovi and AC/DC, yet we believe that Queen is way better, or the common interest in fantasy books, we are alike”. When I said that someone tapped my shoulder, as I turned around I saw Eddie and Max smiling at me.

“ Let's go for some Pizza?” I was sure that Eddie had heard what I said, But he didn’t seem to care about it or see it as weird so I only nodded and we left the cafeteria to go for some Pizza.

 …

 That kept on going, we had become like a little family. Eddie, Max and Me. Along with the little families that formed in the party, every kid had a kind of father/mother figure.For Mike and Lucas it was Nance and Robin and for Dustin, Will and El it was Jonathan and Steve. We were small families making a big family.

 We started hanging out together in school and outside of school, Steve, Robin and I found a job together. Robin and Nance started dating and the whole group loved it. Steve and Jonathan started going on dates but have not gotten formal and Me and Eddie were still friends. I like him But I wasn’t sure he felt the same way.

 …

 Universal POV 

It was already 8 AM and Y/N was getting ready for work when they heard a low moan, as he turned around he saw how Eddie was trying to get up. He quickly went to the bed and prevented Eddie from sitting because he still was a bit weak. 

“Hey, it 's ok. You need to rest, some wounds are still open so if you move too much they are going to start bleeding. I'm going to take you to the hospital to get stitches” Eddie only nodded and kept on avoiding looking at Y/N. Y/N grabbed Eddie's chin to make him look at him “You want to talk about what happened to you?” It seemed like Eddie was having an internal fight with himself about whether to tell Y/N or not. 

“I was on a date with Jason. We were going to get some ice cream and then go to the arcade. It was fun but once we started walking to his house I started to feel dizzy. I told him and he only smiled, he grabbed my hand and pulled me to an empty alley… I tried to fight him so he started… he started hitting me all I could do was close my eyes… he then grabbed a… he grabbed a pocket knife and started cutting me… then someone hit him before he could do anything else, I got up and started running here. Then I got here I don’t remember anything else” Y/N carefully hugged Eddie as he cried on his shoulder. 

Moments later they pulled apart and Y/N cleaned Eddie's face and helped him stand up. Y/N took Eddie to the hospital and called Steve to tell him that he was not going to work today to take care of Eddie who was in the Hospital and then hung up the call to stay with Eddie. 

…

Eddie was waking up again and he saw how Y/N was sleeping with his hand grabbing Eddie and his head close to their tangled hands. The only thought in Eddies mind was how peaceful Y/N looked sleeping and how grateful he was of having him in his life.

Y/N started moving in sign of waking up. Eddie kept his gaze steady on Y/N and once Y?N was completely awake Eddie decided to go in for it and kissed Y/N. At the beginning Y/N was surprised but before Eddie could pull away Y/N reacted and started kissing him back while carefully pulling him closer. 

After a minute when they were both in need of air they pulled apart but kept on looking at each other's eyes with a goofy smile and hands intertwined. They both had been waiting for this moment for too long that now all they wanted was to hold each other. 

But like destiny and the universe are bitches someone had to interrupt that beautiful moment. 

“ Shut up kids, The doctor said Eddie was asleep '' Steve had come into the room with the full group behind him with some balloons and flowers along with a big teddy bear. 

Before Steve could turn around all the kids ran to Eddie and hugged him while screaming ‘you're alive’, and Steve ended up on the floor, along with Robin and Nance. 

That day everyone stayed with Eddie in the hospital even with the multiple complaints from the nurses. That day Y/N and Eddie were closer than ever. That day Eddie and Y/N started dating. That day Hopper arrested Jason for what he had done. That day Steve was happy about being out late last night. That day Max was filled with joy with the fact that her parents were now dating. That day Robin and Jonathan won $20 bucks in a bet that they had with their significant other. And that day Eddie was happy about running to the delinquent’s house for help. 

[lilianna9]

Something more pt.3

Masterlist

im also putting this on my wattpad (jaelousgirl)

repost it cause i've had 9 likes after 22 hours

sorry for bad english

peter parker x reader

The next day you woke up and looked at the phone on your nightstand. You turned the phone on and saw that it was 8:30 a.m. There was no way you were going to make it. Your apartment and the school were 20 minutes apart and classes started at 8:50 a.m. You immediately got up and ran to your bathroom. - You've got to be kidding me - you muttered under your breath as your toothpaste broke and exploded on the mirror. You combed your hair and put on some makeup, but not much, because you didn't have time. You noticed that on the fridge there was a note from your aunt, she always wrote them in the morning before going to work. You didn't really know what job she was going to, she wouldn't tell you and she never had a set return time, she always left at 7 am and returned in the evening. The note just said "Have a nice day at school, don't forget to return the painting to the buyer at 5 am, he'll be waiting for oscorp tower. kisses aunt Tina"

You grabbed a smoothie from the fridge and your backpack then ran out of the apartment. It was already 8:50 on your watch so you started running as fast as you could. Even in P.E. you didn't show such commitment to running, but now you were in a hurry to do math, which you didn't have to do, so you had to be there. When you arrived at your school, you noticed a boy you knew walking into the math room.

"I see I'm not the only one who's late: - you joked, catching up with the boy you knew from math and English class.

"Oh yeah, long night." - he smiled.

"Same," you connected the lines of your lips.

"Yeah i see" - He pointed his finger to his lips. And you covered your mouth with your hand. The brunet opened the classroom door and let you through first. As soon as you entered the classroom your teacher noticed you right away.

"Great Ms.Hardy and Mr.parker. 15 minutes late! Then to pull up your grades, you go to the board to 'volunteer'. You first Ms.Hardy." - he handed over the chalk and began dictating the content of the assignment.

Mr.Grayson was the worst teacher you ever knew. He didn't know how to teach at least that was your excuse for your poor grades.

"I don't know the answer."

"I know." - the teacher replied with a laugh under his breath.

"Can't you just give me another poor grade instead of laughing about it."

"Sit Felicia you get a 1 (or F, or 6 in German) "

You went back to your seat taking all the stuff out of your backpack and started looking at the boy who came with you. You knew that he would get a good grade, you noticed that he was good at science, not like you. You only understood history and English.

After a few minutes the brunet came back with a smile and sat a few desks away from you shrugging his shoulders. You just rolled your eyes and focused on your notebook where you started to draw some scribbles.

When the bell rang you immediately left the classroom and started heading to your locker where your friend Gwen Stacy was already standing. You had been friends since 6th grade when she gave you the answer to the Biology test and you gave her the answer to the History test. That's how you two became friends.

"Hey, I was waiting for you before this lesson."

"Oh im so sorry Gwen I overslept I had a long night last night." - You opened your locker and put your backpack in it.

"I see." - Your friend looked at the cut on your lip. - "Who did that?"

"Spiderman did." - You said in a whisper.

"Wait did u kiss Spiderman?!" - Your friend asked raising her eyebrows.

The blonde knew about your Alter-ego it was to her you complained about everything that happened on the missions. She was also the one who took you in at night when your father wouldn't let you in the house. Once you even defended her from an attack.

"Oh god Gwen no! He's probably at least 10 years older. We fought that much, nothing more." - You cringed at the thought of it and slammed the locker shut. - " Now I have to go to Chemistry class and maybe I can invent some sort of forgetting potion for what you just said." - You walked away from the girl and headed towards your Chemistry class.

And it's not that you didn't like Spiderman, yes he was your rival and sometimes you flirted with him but it was only out of boredom. The man was muscular, so you thought he might be handsome, but you didn't know if under that mask there wasn't some 30 year old slob, so you preferred to stay only with flirting.

When the bell rang for the last lesson, you literally ran out of the school to catch the bus. As you ran out you ran into one of the worst people you could meet right now, Flash Thompson you hated that guy.

"God Flash I'm so very sorry" - You tried to overtake him however he blocked your path with his arms.

"Oh don't worry princess, you can compensate me." - The boy laughed and looked at his two friends standing next to him.

"That's a really interesting suggestion Thompson, however my bus will be leaving soon." - You followed the bus already closing its doors.

"Wouldn't you like to hear my proposal first as an apology." - He looked at you linking arms.

"Ah shit and you left." - You cursed under your breath.

"Hey! Princess it's not appropriate to say that to a girl." - The boy grabbed your chin mid-sentence. This was also noticed by the boy in your math class.

"Hey Flash leave her alone!" - he shouted a few feet away from you.

You however broke out of the boys grasp by punching the boy. "Leave me alone please." - you looked at the boy. At that moment a familiar brunette walked closer to the four of you.

"Oh after all I know you liked it, we can implement it at my place too." - With a dorky grin he said towering over you.

"You are disgusting" - Peter said.- " Who raised you?" - He covered you with the boy's back.

At one moment you could only see the back of the brunet's jacket, and at another moment you could see these two beating each other up. You immediately tried to break up the fight, but could not, so you shouted to get their attention. The men turned their attention away from the fight and looked at you. You started to "push" Peter toward the street, only to turn around to tell the bald boy that he was pathetic.

"I could handle myself." - You said to Peter catching eye contact with him.

"I know you would have been able to handle it, however, the flash wouldn't have given you a break. Nice attack by the way." - The brunet replied fixing his hair.

"Now look at you, you're bleeding." - You lightly touched the blood running down the nose of the boy in front of you.

"I think I can handle it." - Peter wiped away the flowing blood slightly.

You talked to the boy for a moment more then thanked him and said goodbye as you walked back to your homes.