#these are just my ramblings feel free to ignore

[humanjarvis]

caught in a lie

synopsis: when you ignore caleb’s calls, he catches you trying to run from the consequences. you make a false promise to appease his anger, not expecting your lie to unravel. but almost immediately, it does.  

tags: based loosely on caleb's "hidden waves" memory, porn with plot, manipulative!caleb x manipulative!reader, brat!reader, mean(ish) dom!caleb, caleb makes out with your cunt for an hour, reader cries, belly bulge, 3 brother mentions but they’re done ironically/out of spite, humiliation, semi-public sex (caleb makes you call and cancel plans with that friend while he fucks you), lines lifted directly from hidden waves in bold pairing: caleb x fem!reader  word count: 3.9k

a/n: love the scene this is based on bc it reminds me of my favorite book from the wattpad era in 300 BC. also this is my first time writing full-on smut and omfg i don't know how people write like 10k of it u guys are wizards. but the response to this will determine how explicitly i write going forward, no pressure

As the Skyhaven nightscape twinkles around you, you can’t help but feel like you’re forgetting something. 

You’d had a great night: Simone had invited you to a cute café, the owners had given you a free muffin, and the raging storm from this afternoon had dwindled into a drizzle. But still, a sense of foreboding loomed over you, threatening to taint the precious memories you’d made tonight.

“...And next week we can go to this new bar downtown! I heard they have the best drinks, and there’s even a puppy mascot they let walk around and play with guests. Doesn’t that sound fun?” 

“Yeah, sure,” you agree absently, Simone’s words going in one ear and out the other. “I’ll be there.”

As you walk farther down the sidewalk, the vibrant city atmosphere melts away your worries. People of all ages were out splashing in leftover puddles, trying new food stalls, and window shopping in the strip of stores that lit your path. Gradually, you give up on trying to place your unease, surrendering fully to the comfort of the cool night air.

“Hey!” you exclaim, an idea popping into your head. “Do you want to find a photobooth and take some pictures? I want something to remember tonight by.”

“Oh my gosh, absolutely,” Simone responds. “There should be one not too far from here. I went with my brother a few months back! It was really fun.”

At her words, you stop in your tracks. Her enthusiasm is no match for the dread building in your chest. 

Caleb.

Caleb who’d told you to text him when you got to the café, when you were about to leave, and when you were almost home. 

Caleb was what—or who—you were forgetting.

Slowly, you reach your hand into your purse until you feel your phone, digging it out and staring as if it were a venomous animal. Taking a deep breath, you tap the screen awake and immediately lose the air you’d just inhaled. 

7 Unread messages

4 Missed calls

3 New voicemails

Fuck.

“Uh, actually,” you start, chucking the device back into your bag, “I just realized I didn’t bring a brush! There’s no way I can take pictures without fixing my hair—it’s like a bird’s nest up there,” you ramble, giggling nervously. “Can we end the night here?”

“O…kay?” Simone says, clearly confused by the sudden shift in your mood. “Yeah, we can go back now. Your hair looks fine, though.”

Thanking the universe for giving you such an agreeable friend, you walk back to her car, the quickness of your usually unhurried steps betraying your agitation.

He’s gonna kill me, he’s gonna kill me, he’s gonna kill me, you think. 

As the familiar outline of Simone’s car comes into view, she turns to face you. “Do you want a ride to the train station? I told my girlfriend I’d be home at 1:30—I have another hour.”

“Wait!” you cry, throwing your hands out in front of you. She looks at you as if the intensity in your voice is unnecessary. Which is true, because she’s standing a foot away. Quieter this time, you ask, “Would it be okay if I spent the night at your place? Just this once, I promise.” 

“...If you really need to,” she agrees warily. “As long as you don’t mind cat hair.”

When you reach her car, Simone gestures for you to wait as she walks around to the passenger’s side. “I just need to clean up real quick. The granola bar wrappers build up when you’re constantly called in early for emergencies.” 

But when Simone pulls on the door handle, it doesn’t open. “Weird,” she mutters, wiping raindrops onto her jeans. “I swear I unlocked it.” 

She clicks a button on her keys and tries again. Inexplicably, the door still doesn’t budge. “It’s like some force is holding it shut or something,” she says. At that, an alarm sounds in the back of your mind. But before it can reach your consciousness, she continues. “Well, I have a locksmith on speed dial anyway—I’m always losing my keys. But before I call, seriously, are you ok? The way you asked me to stay over….Is there something scary waiting for you at home? Why do you look so worried?”

"It’s probably because I’m home,” the all-too-familiar voice rings out behind you. 

In an instant, your entire body goes rigid. Your now-pounding heart screams at you to run, but you can’t obey without making a scene in front of your friend. 

Plastering a smile on your face, you turn around slowly, as if the longer you took to face him, the more likely he’d be to disappear.  

You had no such luck. Towering over you, umbrella in hand, was Caleb, his normally expressive face a wall of stone. 

Despite his obvious anger, he steps forward to shield you from the downpour and you refrain from taking a step back—against your better judgment.

“Caleb!” you remark, your voice shrill with unease. “What a surprise!”

Ignoring your greeting, Caleb turns his attention to Simone. “Skyhaven isn’t very safe tonight,” he says coolly. “You’d better get home.”

The finality in his words makes it clear: you won’t be joining her. 

“Um, sure,” Simone trails off, wary eyes searching yours. “Will you be alright?”

“...Yes, it’s okay.”

Though your words don’t seem to convince her, Caleb’s penetrating glare does. She quickly walks to the driver’s side and effortlessly pops the door open—surprise, surprise—before jumping in. Giving you one last look, your only chance at salvation drives into the night.

The ride back to Caleb’s house is silent. You scoot as close as you can to the window beside you, paying no mind to the intensifying patter of rain against the glass. All that you notice is how he grips the steering wheel tight enough for his knuckles to turn white. 

When you pull into his driveway and exit the car, he walks closely behind you, preventing any more last-minute escape attempts. His imposing presence follows you inside and all the way to his bedroom. 

When you both cross the threshold, the air thickens with tension as you stand in silence, unmoving. 

“Well, goodnight!” you call when you can’t take it anymore. But before you can take one step, Caleb swings the door shut with his Evol. Huh, you think. Doors must be his speciality tonight.

“Where do you think you could possibly be going after the night you gave me?” he asks, steely voice cutting through your thoughts.

“Listen—” you start, but he cuts you off. 

“You ordered coffee three times. Burst out into laughter I could hear from outside six times. And yet, you somehow managed to check your phone zero times.”

“If you’d just given me more time, I was going to—”

“You were going to what? Because here’s what I think would have happened: If I hadn’t picked you up, you would’ve gone to your friend’s place, right? Then, you’d message me with an apology. Oh, throw in a cute emoji as the cherry on top,” he snorts. 

“With that done, you’d put your phone away and curl up into a ball to sleep. You wouldn’t even dare to check my response. You’d wait it out and believe I wouldn’t be upset. And once I’m away on a mission or somethin’...you would sneak back into the house and pretend nothing happened. Tell me,” he challenges you. “Am I wrong?”

He wasn’t wrong. He was never wrong—not about your habits, at least. 

“Okay, okay, I get it,” you snap. “I thought you said you were ‘done playing games’? You don't have to act so big brother-y all the time.”

Clearly, that was the wrong thing to say. Caleb’s head rears back, his eyes going wide in incredulity before he scoffs. 

Alright, you sigh, time to turn on the waterworks. 

Taking a deep breath, you force tears into your eyes. “Caleb,” you begin, “I really didn’t mean to ignore you. I was just having so much fun. S-someone brought their puppy to the café and I got distracted.” The café hadn’t allowed pets, but you needed all the sympathy you could get. You’d have to thank Simone for telling you about that new bar later. “I won’t do it again. I won’t even go out at night anymore—promise.”

As he takes in your pitiful expression, you see Caleb’s resolve start to crack, the twitch in his right eye giving away how much he wants to console you. Maintaining your pout, you internally grin like a Cheshire cat. He could never say no to you. He could never le—

Your phone rings.

You thought you’d turned it off in the car, but your fucking phone rings. Right when you have him where you want him. 

The shrill tone sucks the air out of the room, and with it, any hope for your escape.

“Answer it. Speaker.” His voice leaves no room for argument.

Visibly shaken, you fish your phone out of your bag and accept the call. “H-hello?”

“Hey Y/N, it’s Simone. I’m calling to check on you—that guy who took you home was kinda scary. I just wanted to make sure he didn’t do anything. Are you okay?”

At the insinuation that he’d ever harm you, Caleb’s face turns thunderous, his jaw clenching so hard you’re afraid it’ll snap. 

“No, no, I’m fine,” you reassure her. “Thanks for worrying though, that’s really sweet,” you add, your eyes darting up and immediately back down after meeting Caleb’s glower. 

“That’s great, I really was worried,” she says, relief evident in her voice. “Well, before you hang up, are we still on for same time next week at the bar I mentio—”

You hang up as soon as she reveals your plans, throwing your phone so abruptly it bounces off the chair where your purse sits and onto the carpet. But it was too late. There was no sweet-talking the irate scowl off of Caleb’s face. You’d lied. 

Like a deer in headlights, you stand frozen and helpless as Caleb stalks toward you. 

“You almost had me,” he chuckles darkly, squishing your cheeks between one hand. “And I bet you knew it, too. Remind me to thank Simone for being such a good friend later.”

His grip tightens when you try to respond, and he pulls your face closer to his instead. “I think I’ve had enough of you talking for now. No point in hearing it if you’re just gonna lie to me again.”

With uncanny speed, he lifts you by your legs and tosses you onto the mattress. When you attempt to sit up, hoping to crawl away, he captures both of your wrists in his hand and claims your lips in a bruising kiss. 

“Don’t talk.” A kiss. “Don’t move.” Another. “Don’t do anything I don’t tell you to do, and I might not chain you to this bed.” You’re so distracted by his final kiss—the exclamation point—that you barely register when he yanks your loose pants down, baring your cotton panties to him. 

When he spots the wet patch spreading through the middle, he moans, shifting to push his nose into your center. The deep inhales he takes seem to calm him down, and his voice loses some of its earlier edge when he murmurs, “Can’t believe you were keepin’ her from me tonight. Look at how much she missed me.”

He demonstrates by pressing an open-mouthed kiss to your panties, tasting you as you leak harder under his tongue. The whimper you let out falls on deaf ears as you remember his command: Don’t talk. 

Licking a stripe up your clothed folds, Caleb sighs into you in contentment. “Gonna see her in a second,” he breathes. “Just can’t give her too much at once, or she’ll get greedy.” 

He’s too far gone, you think, closing your eyes in preparation of what’s to come. But nothing prepares you for the way the seemingly sedated Caleb rips your panties open at the seam, exposing your hot skin to the cool air. 

With no hesitation, he plants a long kiss onto your core, his lips smacking against the fat of your outer folds. Covering your skin with a flurry of pecks, he moans into you, his intermittent licks becoming sloppy, appreciative kisses. 

Caleb was making out with your cunt like your brain wasn't in the room, kissing it like he hadn’t seen it in years. The sensations and lewd squelches make your arousal unbearable, but when you try to grind into his mouth—to get him to do something more—he pushes your hips into the mattress. 

“Don’t interrupt us,” he mumbles, lips still latched onto your unspread cunt. Heat rushing to your cheeks, you flop your head back down, defeated as the man ignores you to have his heartfelt reunion with your core. 

An agonizing few minutes later, you feel him press a last hard kiss against your skin before finally spreading your soaked folds. “Can’t believe you ever thought you could hide from me,” he growls, eyes sparkling. “I’ll show you you can’t. Make you never want to again.”

Slowly, he licks up and down your wetness, teasing his tongue around your entrance. You try to relax during his ministrations, knowing he won’t give you what you want this early, but he catches you off guard when he buries his tongue into your weeping, sputtering hole. 

A strangled moan escapes you as he fucks you with his tongue, twisting, turning, and circling himself inside you. 

One pulse has your walls flexing with desperation, and Caleb pulls back slightly when he feels you tighten around him. “Look at that, I think she’s kissin’ me back,” he coos, a string of his saliva refusing to part from your quivering cunt. 

Spurred on by the whine you give him, he flashes you a wicked grin before diving back in, plunging his tongue in and out at a punishing pace. 

All the while, he studiously avoids where you need him most, licking and kissing everywhere but your twitching clit—neglecting it like you did him earlier in the night.

Suddenly, he lifts his head up, flashing you a quick smirk. “You know,” he starts, licking his glistening lips. “When you were givin’ me all those crocodile tears and cryin’ about puppies earlier, you never did say sorry for trying to run. How about now, hmm?” he asks, pressing a wet kiss to your center. “You sorry?”

You pant out an incoherent moan, and he nips at your clit—the first time he’s touched it all night. Ignoring your squeal, he gives you another kiss. “I don’t know what that means. Try again.” 

You go to speak again, but Caleb suddenly rubs his nose against your clit, your resulting gasp sending your back shooting off the bed. He swiftly slams you back down with his Evol, giving you another nip. “Just two words, baby. You can do that for me, yeah? Two words, loud and clear. Want to know you mean it.”

You don’t know what it is—the last strands of your pride clinging on for dear life, your stupor after being toyed with for almost an hour, or pure stubbornness—but you can’t bring yourself to say it. With a whimper, you clamp your mouth shut, staring at the ceiling in rebellion. 

“Hmmm,” he hums, looking up at you briefly. Before you can even process it, Caleb covers your clit with his mouth and sucks, simultaneously groaning into you. The combined sensations set your nerves on fire, and you come in his mouth with a prolonged cry. 

“I’m sorry!” you wail, the tears in your eyes genuine this time. As Caleb laps up your release, chants of “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m—oh—I’m sorry,” fall through your lips, your earlier defiance reduced to blubbering submission. “Should’ve checked my phone and called you back, I’m so sorry.” 

You’ve apologized ten times over, it feels, but he won’t let up. He suckles you until it aches, and there’s nothing you can do but lie there and sob as his Evol keeps you pinned down. When he’s finally had his fill, he presses a reverent thank-you kiss to your cunt before crawling up your body, nestling in between your thighs. 

“Aw, none of that, now,” he coos, wiping under your eyes. “I forgive you, alright? I forgive you for getting distracted, baby.” Still crying, you nod frantically, leaning into his gentle touch. “But if you ever run from me again, whoever you’re with won’t like what happens when I catch you,” he promises, pressing a kiss to your lips and then your forehead before plunging into you. 

Though his pace is relentless, your walls draw him in, his earlier date with your cunt letting you take his thick length with ease. 

When the pressure builds and you shy away from his brutal thrusts, he turns your chin toward him, pressing an ironically chaste kiss to your mouth. “No running, remember?” 

As you hurtle toward your release, he leans close, kissing you briefly before speaking into your lips. “The next time you wanna ignore me—next time you wanna hide from me and lie to me sayin’ you’ll be good from now on—I want you to think of this, to think of me right here,” he murmurs, palming his cock through your belly. You squeal at the foreign feeling, but he only adds more force, and you think you’re about to pass out.   

“My baby,” he chides. “Loves to act out but she can’t handle the consequences.” While he speaks, he folds your left leg up, pushing it to your chest so he can penetrate you deeper.

“Please, Caleb!” you beg, the new angle making stars float across your vision. As your body rocks with the force of his strokes, you cry, “I said I was sorry!” 

“Mm, you did,” he nods, absorbing a tear on your cheek with a kiss. “But I don’t think you really are. Not yet.”

Without warning, he pulls out of you and flips you onto your stomach before sliding back in. Resuming his thrusts, he uses his Evol to pick your forgotten phone up off the floor. “Call her back. Speaker,” he orders. 

At first, you're flustered into hesitation, but as he holds the phone ahead of you and taps through your history to do it himself, you pull yourself together. “Wait,” you wail. “Wait. I’ll do it.”

You do it.

When Simone picks up, Caleb shows you mercy by decreasing his pace so the sound of slick skin colliding doesn’t travel through the phone. 

“Hey Y/N, what’s up? Is it about earlier? …Did something happen?” she asks in concern.

Frantically, you twist your head to look up at Caleb, not knowing what to say. 

Leisurely, he folds forward over you, his chest flush with your spine so he can whisper in your ear. Throughout his dramatics, your time to respond without raising suspicion wanes, and you grow more desperate by the second.

“Hi Simone,” Caleb finally whispers, pressing kisses to your ear in time with his languid strokes.

“H-hi Simone,” you repeat louder, a slight tremble in your voice.

“I just wanted to say thanks again for checking in. That guy, the one from earlier—he can be so mean sometimes,” Caleb murmurs, pouting his lips in ridicule. 

“I just wanted…wanted to say thanks again for checking in. The guy from earlier—hah—can be so mean sometimes,” you echo, breathless from the impact of Caleb’s hips rocking into yours.

“Can we reschedule our plans for next week? My big brother’s,” he emphasizes, mocking your earlier jab with two deep thrusts, “coming home, and he really misses me.” As he feeds you lines, the taunts in his words break through the softness of his whispers. 

As softly as you dare to, you whimper for him, hoping it’s enough for him to end his torture.

But as the phone screen goes black from inactivity, you see his smirking reflection looming over your humiliated one. The only way out is by appeasing him. 

“C-can we reschedule our plans for next week? My…my friend—” 

As soon as the word leaves your mouth, Caleb lifts off of you slightly, landing a harsh smack on your ass.

“Y/N? What was that noise? Are you alright?”

“Yes,” you all but moan as he bites your neck, reprimanding you further for breaking his script. 

“My friend is visiting next week, and he really misses me,” you finish, waiting with bated breath for her—and Caleb’s—reactions. 

“Oh…sure, Y/N. That’s fine with me. That’s a lot better than I was expecting, you sounded like you were in trouble for a second.” Caleb smirks against your ear. “Just let me know when you want to reschedule.”

“Sounds good,” you breathe as Caleb’s thrusts return to a faster pace. “I-I gotta go, I’ll see you later!” you rush, almost squealing as you end the call. 

For the nth time that night, you want to burst into tears. “I can’t believe you just did that,” you whine, your voice mixing with the renewed slaps of skin on skin. 

Chuckling, Caleb lifts off of you, his sudden absence from your cunt making you shudder. In an instant, he flips you over so you’re face-to-face before entering you again. 

“Technically, you just did that,” he smirks, his thrusts now lazy and sporadic. “I don’t remember pressing ‘call.’” His matter-of-fact tone is teasing, but you knew that if you hadn’t canceled on Simone, he’d have made good on his earlier threat. He always does. 

As you open your mouth to retort, Caleb’s face grows serious, and all your neurons responsible for making witty comebacks seem to atrophy at once. 

Caleb leans down, light bites on your throat punctuating his confession. “I can’t stop at wanting you not to run from me anymore. I want you to stay with me. To choose to, for as long as we live, for the next hundred years.” 

“But what if…” you trail off, but he understands what you’d been implying. 

At that, his eyes darken. Rutting into you with renewed fervor, he grasps your chin tightly, holding you captive in his gaze. “You’ll be around for however many years I’m alive and kicking,” he growls. And you believe him. 

Nerves alight, mind numb, and core throbbing from your impending climax, you nod as much as his iron grip allows you to. “I’ll stay,” you whisper, kissing his thumb near your lip. “Wanna stay—with you.” 

Letting out a strangled huff, Caleb surges forward, his lips meeting yours in a searing kiss. He bites your bottom lip as he presses down on your stomach once again, and you careen over the edge, feeling the hot spurts of his release intensify the flood inside your cunt. 

With a shuttering groan, Caleb collapses to your left, immediately closing the space between you with a hug. You stay like that for a while, your sore body curled into his arms as you face each other on the bed. 

“You okay?” he asks quietly, rubbing circles into your hip. “I know it was a bit much.”

“Forgive you,” you mumble into his chest. “Felt good.”

He chuckles, tapping your nose twice. “You shouldn’t forgive me so easily. Or else I’ll want to keep testing your limits.” 

When you fall asleep in his warm embrace, Caleb looks down at you intently, trying to brand the visual into any part of his commandeered mind that’d take it. Daring to disrupt the image, he gently untangles your bodies, lifting you before laying you back down on top of him. 

At peace for the first time that night, Caleb looks out the window, smiling to himself. The rain has stopped.

[spacekiku-blog]

My brainrot worsens with each day so there are my ramblings about Beasts and Shadow Milk Cookie

TW: Spoilers I guess??

Okay, Beasts. When I first saw this name for the new antagonists, I thought "lol fate series got even cookie run" and when they were finally released I was sucked in so hard.

I love the concept of corrupt gods or higher beings. Not just being controlled by something, corrupted or going crazy but specifically their ignorance of using powers or disappointment in how mortals perceive their domains. And while I won't say that the plot of Kingdom and Beasts is a complete mind-blowing thing and the most awesome scenario but compared to the previous plots of Devsisters, this is a big step-up and something that is interesting and well-developed.

Not only in terms of plot but the concepts themselves. Yes, the three Beasts that have come out are based on fairly common things (Buddhism, Hinduism and Christianity). But man they did their homework as hard as they could.

And naturally, even though we already have three Beasts, a lot about them is shrouded in mystery. Especially Shadow Milk Cookie, since we were given absolutely no information about his backstory. The new costume that came out? Honestly, it looks like an AU written by him for shits and giggles. A sort of “What if?”. While it may shed some light on how he behaved as a Fount of Knowledge it says nothing about his past.

With White Flour Cookie and Burning Spice Cookie everything is relatively clear. We were given their plot and what caused their corruption on a silver plate. And, frankly speaking, I think that based on the change in the other two elements of the Beasts, it is relatively clear what most likely happened in their domain of rule that caused their corruption.

Eternal Sugar Cookie was initially “Happiness” – which represents, well, happiness, joy. It is quite possible that her task from the Witches was similar to White Flour Cookie in that she was meant to spread happiness and joy among the Cookies. Well, too much jollity can easily become boring and it also requires a huge amounts of energy which could lead her to Laziness.

At the same time Silent Salt Cookie had the element of “Solidarity” – which essentially means unification, community. It also often means support and mutual assistance. And as we know, if you support everyone around you then it will begin to be perceived as given and in return you get a whole nithing. And because of which he could correspondingly close himself off.

Of course I might be wrong about this predictions. We will see when they will come out.

The fate of the Beasts is tragic. They are Deities created by even Higher Beings with one specific purpose. To distribute/preserve the elements entrusted to them. They were given a huge responsibility reinforced by the expectations of mortal cookies. Give knowledge, grant wishes, monitor changes, spread joy and cultivate friendship. Were they allowed to do anything else? Most likely yes. Were they aware of this from the start? Most likely no.

We, as mortal individuals, often have a hard time breaking away from the expectations of our “creators” (parents) and society. So how can you immediately realize that you are allowed to be someone else, to do something else when you were created with a fixed personality and a certain purpose? So frankly it is not surprising that the Deities saw the one and only way to break the expectations of others and be "free". After all, from the descriptions of White Flour Cookie and Burning Spice Cookie, they could not even realize that there were other ways to release their frustrations.

White Flour Cookie went into depression and apathy as a defense mechanism. And the only way she saw was that if everything was purified (dead), then everyone would be happy. Including herself.

Burning Spice Cookie, feeling the first stimulation in centuries of monotone whatching and waiting, latched onto it, becoming obsessed with it. Addicted to it. He concentrated on this one feeling and forgot that he could find something else.

But Shadow Milk Cookie is a different story. You see, Knowledge is a very powerful thing. In my humble opinion, Shadow Milk is the strongest Beast and God among all if you put aside his personality and focus only on his powers. Unlike other Beasts, from whom Witches could keep some information that they simply do not need for their role - Shadow Milk Cookie knew everything from the very beginning. About what Cookies are grown for, how this world works, how personality develops and many, many other things.

Unlike other Beasts Shadow Milk Cookie knew there could be another way. And it's just such a rich soil for theories, headcanons and the reason I'm so obsessed with him.

Was he trying to save his brothers and sisters by trying to show them another way? How much knowledge did he share with them? How much did he keep back? And how much did he lie to them?

After all judging by the description of Shadow Milk Cookie knowledge consists of truth and lies. Lies appeared at the same time as Shadow Milk Cookie himself as a Fount of Knowledge. Which means he could have started lying from the very beginning. I like to think and headcanon that the first one to start "corrupting" was Shadow Milk Cookie. Or rather, that he was initially already corrupted by the knowledge he had access to.

This is what makes his personality so interesting to me - he knew everything. He saw everything. Not only the destruction of his domain of knowledge but the signs of destruction of other domains. How White Flour Cookie finds it increasingly difficult to fulfill wishes and not receive even a simple thank you in return. How Burning Spice Cookie became increasingly bored with the same cycle of history. And perhaps how Eternal Sugar Cookie gets tired of the eternal celebration and Silent Salt Cookie loses control over attempts to unite everyone.

How desperate was he about all this? Or was there a cold pragmatism deep inside him that said, “this is what has to happen”? Or was he fascinated by it? How were his Deity friends changing? Maybe he was egging them on because he, too, was bored with his knowledge?

Beasts are lonely. Deities are lonely. Even their own race can barely understand each other since their minds were created for specific purposes. And you don't want to lose face in front of equally powerful beings.

Only Shadow Milk Cookie could understand them all. And yet no one can understand him.

No one can carry as much knowledge as he does. No one can even come close to understanding his burden. To come close to him. I wonder becouse of this did he became a jester and a showman? After all, the truth of his existence is as bitter as sour milk.

I wonder if he was always a "jester"? Judging by his behavior in the new costume, there is still some "softening" in his actions, intonation, expressions. Not exactly condescension, but as if embellishment of his words, his "truth". In the end, information is best absorbed through play. Through associations. He playfully invites you to debate with him, he gestures while telling about something.

Is Shadow Milk that far removed from his past as a Fount of Knowledge?

Maybe he was always like this? Less cunning and selfish but just as playful, humorous, and perhaps even deceitful. It's just that when everyone finally became "monsters", Beasts, there was no longer a need to satisfy the needs of mortals and it was time to focus on his own.

Maybe he helped other Beasts become corrupted so that he himself could finally allow himself to "play" for himself and not for others?

I squeeze him like anti-stress toy. I don't know for what purpose this ramblings of mine but maybe you will able to take some interesting insights for yourself.

And I'm not even starting about his relationship with Pure Vanilla Cookie not even as a ship thing.

Man I need help

[felassan]

I received a few asks around a similar topic, so I'm popping them together here. ( ´ ▽ ` ) DA:TV spoilers under cut.

[the Felassan Files]

hello! ◕‿◕ thank you for the lovely and fun ask messages!!

lavendervoids asked: "i’ve been dying to know what ur reaction was to seeing felassan in the game was???? the moment i saw him i was yelling and hollering and my first thought was “omg what does tumblr user felassan think of this” LMAO and thank you for all the documenting you’ve been doing up until and past the release of the game, i ended up blocking every dragon age tag a couple months back to avoid any sort of spoilers but i still came to your blog everyday cause i knew you wouldn’t spoil me haha"

hhhh ( ´ ▽ ` ) tysm for thinking of me at that time!! and for the nice comment about this blog and visiting it. I'm really glad to know that my approach to spoiler tagging etc has been okay for you.

littlerune asked: "i don't even know you but you and dragon age felassan are so intrinsically linked in my brain that when he appeared in veilguard all i thought was "ohhhh i wonder how tumblr user felassan feels about this"

hhhh :D 🥺 thankyou so much for thinking of me!! ♡ some say that his ghost operates this tumblr blog, or that he lives still

songofamazon asked: "I'm still on my first play of the game, but whenever I got to the memories in the Crossroads, I thought to myself, "I hope Tumblr Felassan is having a great time. Did you?"

I had a great time playing the game and when playing the Crossroads memories sections, I loved them a lot, they were very cool and a highlight of the game. thankyou sm and for thinking of me, and I hope that you did too!!

phantabula-interactive asked: "im so glad you're enjoying the game!! I had to ask; how did you feel about seeing Felassan in game?? I was so excited to see the notes from him, I wasn't expecting a boss fight MUCH LESS. FULL CAMEO!!! They made him a lot prettier than I was expecting too (/pos)"

thankyou!! I hope that you've been enjoying it too!

so: I was sooo excited and shook to see Felassan in the game!!! I was like

(I yelped/hooted out loud like a clown) and then

and then it was suddenly like too much (pos) and my soul left my body and i astral projected into space/paradise/the Astral Plane/the Void or something etc

and then it took me some time to process or gather my thoughts about it.

obviously I was super hoping that we would see him in the game. I was sure that there would at least be some references to him in codexes/notes etc or allusions made in passing dialogue like Cole and Solas' lines about him in Trespasser. then when the marketing mentioned that we would see flashbacks from Solas' past in the Crossroads, I was like aaa omg, wouldn't that be the perfect time to actually show Felassan??, as a Fade memory or flashback or spirit echo or something. so then I was hoping like 🕯️🕯️🕯️ and yea. but even so, still when I saw him in game for the first time it was still a huge shocked Pikachu moment for me.

I was already feeling psyched from the first Felassan codex/note that I found, then I couldn't believe (pos) just how many codexes/notes scattered around written by him that there was?? I was already feeling spoiled (not spoiled by spoilers but like spoiled from eating good) from that (a bunch of codexes/notes might not seem like a lot but when your fav is a side character that has only appeared in one [1] tie-in novel..) and then he goes and actually APPEARS, AAAA. I feel like I ate so good. with the Betrayal fight and the rune at the end as well, it felt like he was threaded throughout the game and was really haunting the narrative. some assorted thoughts:

first of all everything about his DA:TV appearances/DA:TV references continues to underscore that he is the greatest of all time

it also continues to underscore the pain of his death/story and of his friendship with Solas

may I please go and start a new life living in Solas' memories of Felassan on repeat. i simply do not care that my body would waste away in the waking world from lack of sustenance

in the endgame I was trying to concentrate and punch Elgar'nan in the face and save the world but I like couldn't see straight through the tears after having been given Felassan's Magical Boyfriend Super Rune (morrigan pls.. what a way to twist the KNIFE at an extremely critical moment for thedas hhhh..)

expansion pack where we relive Solas' memories of him and Felassan dating (he didn't deserve Felassan tho fr. but then, does anyone..?)

I know that Felassan would treat Lavellan sooooo right. so well. so respectfully. felassan would pull their chair out for them at restaurants and open car doors and whatever

Betrayal of Felassan refers to Solas' betrayal of Felassan, not Felassan's betrayal of Solas

also i love how they made him DEVASTATINGLY handsome?? in the game (they didnt need to go that hard), but also how, at the same time - even before the TME Deluxe edition illustrations, we all just inherently knew deep in our bones that he was, you could simply just tell from his energy and vibes and dialogue even in only the written word. cool rolls off this guy in waves, and always has done

did his model have smoky winged eye makeup? love that. love that for him

I liked his sense of style. the hair his model has happened to be one of the ones I was debating using for my Rook. it's one of my fav ones from the CC

I appreciated the attention they paid to detail when making his model. Mythal vallaslin, violet/purple eyes, an undercut - as he was previously described or shown in TME, dev social media comments and the TME deluxe illustrations

I liked the actor they chose for him, his voice was cool

I felt like his codexes and notes that he wrote captured his voice and his character. you can see the depth of his loyalty and devotion to his friend, his concerns, and he retains his 'voice' in terms of some snark, wit etc

it's fun thinking about whether Felassan originally manifested from the Fade (and if so, what was he a spirit of) or whether he was born the usual way of other elves. (it could be either one)

Betrayal of Felassan as a manifested embodied regret and its lines like "his back, turned".. very raw. that fight was hard enough mechanically for me as it was, then the lines were like being hamstrung LOL. how could they??? (pos/lh)

I always thought that, a long time ago, Solas was essentially the player character in a different game, the main character of another story. the leader of his own group of companions and friends on their own quest (to stop the Evanuris), and that Felassan was one of those companions. Alistair to his Hero of Ferelden if you will. in DA:TV we learn that not only was he one of his companions, he was basically the second-in-command of his rebellion, a General, his closest friend aside from Mythal and his right-hand man.

he was so cool back in his heyday

pain. paaaaain. but like in a good way (I unironically love to be hurt by stories pls continue 💀...)

there are a few further posts containing more bits of my reaction and thoughts scattered through my Felassan tag. ^^

There were also a few other asks about this in my inbox, but Tumblr appears to have eaten them?? :< so if you've asked me about Felassan and my reaction since launch but the message isn't in this post, thankyou sm and I'm very sorry. 😔 pls feel free to re-send it. :)

I do remember that one of the vanished messages asked me what the Slaughter of the Pillars boss regret refers to - the Pillars of the Earth are the Titans. ("Hail Mythal, adjudicator and savior! She has struck down the pillars of the earth and rendered their demesne unto the People! Praise her name forever!") That undead boss embodies another of Solas' greatest regrets, namely what he and Mythal did to the Titans during the war with them - sundering every Titan from their spirit, severing them from their dreams, which resulted in the Blight as the dreams were driven mad. it also in a sense broke the dwarves in two and caused the fall of the fate of the dwarven people. Beyond the mural-memory that pertains to this in DA:TV, there are depictions of this time in the ancient past in the DA:TV artbook: [one, two]. Annotations there describe Solas rendering the Titans tranquil and capturing their souls; dwarves as a consequence then losing their connection to magic and fleeing into the now-Tranquil earth; and the Evanuris then building Elvhenan using the power of the captured Titan souls.

[dootznbootz]

My childhood friend said that my Odysseus looks like a mix of Chappell Roan and Griffith from Berserk and that thought is killing me. It's too correct.

(Lovely doodle of my boy courtesy of the wonderful fellow trashcat @thehelplessmortals :3 )

[acourtofwhatthefuck]

Random thought that I’m probably not articulating well, and maybe I’m deeping it too much, but I do find it a little alarming how much fanart I see that captures these characters’ beauty in the form of what is, essentially, Instagram/social media standard of beauty. Don’t get me wrong, everyone has the creative freedom to create what they want to create, and I can’t exactly say shit because I can barely draw a stick figure, but I’ve seen so many depictions of ACOTAR characters where they look like they’re pumped full of lip filler and other shit, where it looks like they have an Instagram filter on them, where there’s almost an uncanny look to them, and I find it interesting and, quite frankly, a little worrying, that that’s what so many people equate these characters’ stunning beauty to, as if they could not be beautiful any other way. We know that they’re supposed to have an ethereal, otherworldly beauty, because they’re ethereal, otherworldly beings, but it’s almost as if people have forgotten that there is beauty in things like freckles, and dimples, and different body types, and natural features and characteristics that make us who we are. It’s interesting that so many people translate that beauty into the carbon copy social media influencer standard of beauty, as if natural beauty isn’t quite enough. This isn’t everyone, of course — I’ve seen so much beautiful fanart that captures the beauty of these characters without turning them into instagram models. But there’s also a scary amount that does exactly that — maybe from younger members of the fandom? I don’t know. And I guess that has me wondering…is that all many people see beauty as now? Have we stopped appreciating the natural things about people that make them who they are? 🤔

[freakura]

if i remember to post this and not just keep it in my drafts forever because i'm too lazy to post this shit at 2 am. new oc dropped ace attorney style. meet river heights, my agent of chaos and most competent detective that is still alive and employed. kinowing this series' track record.

there's some info ab her as well as some au doodles & info below the cut if you're interested. stay silly >:)

about river: river heights is a detective known to be phoenix wright's friend, someone he met through his mentor before her untimely death. she is a detective helps him out sometimes when she's not actively involved in whatever is going on OR is busy doing something else entirely. <-- this happens a lot because she loves her job so much that it is 70% of her hobbies and takes up 90% of her free time.

she is very loosely based off of nancy drew because that was my favorite detective series growing up, and inspired the concept of river as a.. detective. yeah. her name is an explicit reference to that, and many of the notable cases she's solved during her long, LONG career (started unofficially at the age of 12, 13 and officially at around 15) are also inspired by the book series.

she is (or was, i suppose) romantically involved with mia fey and diego armando/godot.... polycule win forever and ever. i hope you guys enjoy her.

au doodles and info about them below vv

left: au where godot doesn't die in jail or wtv after bttb. river stays in the us instead of leaving to cope with her grief and gets to bully phoenix into breaking up with his toxic situationship (kristoph gavin.) so they can ruin his life.

center au: evil au where after everything that's happened to her river snaps and starts fucking shit up for everyone. hundreds die. thousands blackmailed. she becomes what she swore to oppose, and looks so hot doing it.

right au: instead of a regular detective, river is a paranormal detective! aka the phasmophobia au. ghost hunting is an actual recognized part of the law and legal proceedings, used to crack cases where there is seemingly no evidence left to find, and river is one of the best investigators out there. after getting disbarred, phoenix joins his best friend on these investigations - with the spirits of mia fey and godot staying behind to help as well?

[rattusrattus3]

.

[cosmowgyral]

Me not thinking that the default name of the MC of Ikemen Villains was inspired by the current Princess of Wales. If so, can we assume William (possibly named after the Prince) to be the canonical route of the game? 😂

[whoreallyevenknowsanyway]

Mikaelson Flashbacks 💕

Honestly, I would very much like more of them in this Century.

Like they spent 100 years in italy(Tuscany) after the everything with at the de Martel castle.

Just they're all so relaxed and Happy. Klaus can't dagger them at any small inconvenience.

Like what where Kol and Finn doing. Although, its likely when Finn was with Sage. Which is a relationship I'd have loved to see develope. Sage being so determined to wait for him for 900+ years.

Kol working with Witches? Or No? Because the witch in that area is the one that made the daggers and the five. So was he with another coven? Were the vampires in the area his 'sirelings'? And WHO was Kols first turn?

Also just How did they get themselves the home they have. And, yes, compulsion. But they didn't KNOW about compulsion. Although Elijah Has used compulsion before this but it was behind the 'red door'. So, who and how was figuring out compulsion done?

And I kinda do love the idea of the five of them being more relaxed/happy because theres no signs of Mikael, they're getting to just Live. So. YEAH. I'd really like to see more of them in this century.

(And the others.)

[I mean to add drama theres even the option of contrasting it with the Trinity being 'The Mikaelsons' and running from Mikael. (This could be done as if Elijah doesn't block the initial compulsion immediately so he keeps getting worry/nightmares about what they could be going through until he DOES push the memory away behind the door)]

[waterfallofspace]

Anyone else not able to say 'bless you', either because it feels too personal, embarrassing, slightly erotic or a mixture of all of the above-

Buuuuuut also whenever an event interrupts the conversation, you feel so much more awkward not saying anything/commenting on it at all, and so you wish you could just... say that phrase, or have some other thing that makes sense to say to just- shrug it off???

[foreststarflaime]

So do you have any ff7 language and accent headcanons?

MY LINGUIST HEART IS EXPLODING TY yes ofc I do let’s see…and I’ll almost assuredly be talking cultural hcs too because language and culture are inextricably entwined

I’ll start with Banora/Mideel (I am much more familiar with Banora) since I mentioned that most recently! That area gives me such uk vibes, especially Banora. Not to mention that Genesis already has such a borderline posh voice. I like to hc that Reeve comes from somewhere around there and that Cait Sith’s voice is his native accent! But then I am torn because with the Rhapsodos family…greek names…ancient greek values and similarities displayed in Genesis and Angeal…so tempting. So I kind of imagine Banora at least as kind of a mix of those cultures (which would work pretty well I think, I know of quite a few overlaps in values between homeric and anglo-saxon values, and greek folklore does give me a similar vibe to celtic folklore) (ah you see there I go, using language and culture interchangeably already)! Ancient Greek at least is a very lyrical-sounding language (it’s theorized that the different accents were used to show differences in pitch) and I feel like it would fit perfectly in Genesis’ voice especially! Also I like to hc that his parents’ names are Peleus and Thetis for the Achilles reference >:)

For Gongaga and Nibelheim I’m more mainstream, love the Zack speaking Spanish and Cloud speaking Old Norse hcs so much! Don’t have much else to say about Gongaga, wonderful as is. Nordic Nibelheim is so special to me bc people always conflate ‘norse’ with vikings when that’s so not all there is ;-; there’s the Vanir as well as the Aesir! And even just thinking about it for so little time rn the Fenrir myth does fit him

Wutai is meant to be based off Japan (I’m fairly sure, I know so much less than I should about that part of the world so anyone feel free to add on). I do love that—people who have different first languages actually think differently, because their brains learn to process and codify things differently based on what the grammar of their language focuses on and how their words are constructed and so forth (it’s very much a chicken or the egg type situation). And with Japanese being in an entirely different language family, the breakdowns in communication that can occur due to people not doing enough research on the differences in cultural thought can be massive and disastrous. Which works so realistically well for the whole Shinra vs Wutai conflict.

As for Midgar, cities are often little islands dialect and accent wise. Lots of different accents and languages and dialects from all over the place mixing together to create something new. I like to hc that being surrounded by so many conflicting accents Sephiroth can mimic them pretty well, even though Hojo tried to knock everything out of him but the ‘normal’ ‘educated’ accent (there is no such thing as not having an accent. Your speech is marked inherently by being different from another person’s speech). Hehehe I like to imagine that spending so much time with Genesis and Angeal and actually liking and wanting to be like them he’s picked up quite a few Banoran mannerisms :) like me when I lived in the uk for a few months and suddenly now I say “you’ve not” instead of “you haven’t” and still pronounce “vase” and “island” weird take me back there nowwwww

[sodantics]

repost of life series rambles from my priv lol

"i said this in DMs too but Grians hubris is one of the reasons I grew so fond of him, and especially in this series where he has some more.. tangible reasoning, to consider himself above the other players, seeing the others be soo tempted by the idea to take him down a peg is so tasty. I'm to some genuine degree hoping he goes off by himself after this episode due to pouting about mumbo and skizz "holding him back" despite them being some of the only players putting up with his BS this season lmao

I hope his downfall ends up being just that, his own view of himself as "better", causing him to throw away the only allies he seems to have this season (other than bigB, maybe? but frankly, I never know what the FUCK that mans is up to HAHA), and everyone turning on him.... nods. Basically mostly I wanna see my fav littol guy suffer a tad, ykno?"

I have sooo many thoughts after this episode. I thought for sure at least one player would be out too.. I was in w2g with a friend and let me TELL YOU I lost my fucking shit when Grian said "You ran to me and died like I was gonna save you.." just a fucking completely bonkers thing to say. There was a lot of moments like that this session honestly. That one just left a bit of an impact on me HAHA Very fun, very fun....

[nanihirunkits]

okay maybe i actually am able to work some magic in photoshop sometimes

[uhbasicallyjustmilex]

can someone please banish this writer's block for me 😫

it's the worst i've had in such a long time and i've tried to be patient with it but it's been fucking weeks now. i want to write so much but whenever i try they just feel like words on a page. every evening i sit down and rearrange them a little here and there and add some new ones, but they all just feel empty and and shit and my brain feels totally devoid of the creative spark i need to make everything come to life.

i know in large part it's my perfectionism getting in the way, but i don't know how to break through it. i don't know how to feel connected to my writing again. i don't know how to shift this fear of not being good enough that surges up every time i pick up a pen.

it's something that's always been there - but usually it at least comes in waves, or my love of what i'm creating is big enough to muffle it. right now, it's all i can hear. my inspiration has been totally drowned out by it. and i hate it so, so much. the fact that i can't access the one thing that brings me the kind of solace and joy and escapism i can't get anywhere else and is so vital to my soul. that i am blocking myself from engaging in the one thing that makes me feel like me.

i just feel so stuck and so lost and i miss being in that creative headspace so much it’s like a physical pain. it feels like part of me is missing, and it terrifies me that i don't know how to get it back.

[l3viat8an]

Hi Ro, it's been a hot minute (nope I'm not dead) but my adhd brain is going off on one again.....

I'm guessing that you know Stardew Valley, if not use whatever your fav game is, but I'm just imaging the brother trying to play stardew with MC and just not getting it.

Lucifer's trying really hard to get to grips with the game, Mammon's off somewhere trying to get all the money he can, Levi doesn't understand that you just wanna relax so he's pulling out all the speed run strats, Satan's getting pissed vuz he doesn't know why his character isn't doing what he wants it to do, Asmo's still in character creation, Beel what's all the food Gus is selling and Belphie is just out cold irl. While Mc is sat there going 'this is fine' while just tryna plant strawberries before spring 16th.

Love you Ro -🃏

Hiii 🃏!!! Glad to see you around again ‘n I totally get adhd brain sksjks Okay, but hear me out- I agree mostly just a couple little thoughts

Like how Lucifer is annoyingly good at almost everything so I think he’d catch on pretty quickly and he’d honestly enjoy the farming and planing out crops imo. although he’ll never admit it. He is having fun.

Mammon is absolutely off somewhere trying to make money- but if you point him in the right direction (to The Mines) and show him how he can get gems and even gold- he’ll be hooked! and suddenly he’ll have a full set of gold tools too.

Nothing to add about Levi. He totally would be doing a speed run to show off lolol

What’s Satan doing wrong? Or is his WiFi lagging- Either way, when he finally gets his controls working right he’ll be too busy following his cat around the farm to get anything else done.

Asmo’s going back and forth between the colors and outfits making sure it’s perfect as if his character isn’t just a handful of pixels ksjskjs

Beel is so real for that- he’d totally make sure to give Gus his favorite gift everyday too, while Beel gets more food ofc!!

and Belphie is totally laying across MC’s lap- so not only is he asleep and not playing or being helpful, MC’s legs are going numb and they can’t move or get away!-

and MC is the only one actually paying attention to what day it is and which crops need to go in and stressing out over getting the right seeds.

[maskedinfinate]

OK FINE OBLIGATORY YAOI POST RRGRGRGGGRR

genuinely so embarrassed to post it but um im trying to be brave ok. idk what they have going on but they are gay as fuck and probably also both on the aroace spectrum. And trans. And autistic.