#there's gotta be a middle ground

[noys-boise]

my honest opinion is that Johanna Barker should not marry Anthony Hope and I understand why she wanted to, but i do think after the events of the show with turpin dead, the last thing she needs is to feel like she belongs to someone again

i just want them to be travelling companions exploring the world together without anything binding them together too much

[cursingtoji]

“hm hello? do you need help?” yuuji approached the lady walking the hallways so slowly she seemed lost.

“huh?” you turned and he smiled, thinking how gorgeous you looked. your uniform was a lot like nobara’s, although it was lighter, like it was slightly bleached or just worn a lot, “no, i… i go here.”

“oh are you gojo-sensei’s student too?” he was excited to meet another student, it was such a big school for just a few people.

“gojo… sensei” you repeated confused.

“oh you must be utahime-sensei’s student then? from kyoto?” he tilted his head, like a puppy.

“utahime…” you whispered, “is geto here?” you asked with a certain urgency in your voice, “geto suguru.”

“who? geto?” he scratched his head, trying to remember if he heard about a sensei called geto suguru, “i don’t think i—“

“itadori!” megumi called from outside, yuuji saw him below through the open windows of the second floor he was at, his classmate probably saw him as well.

“ah fushiguro!” he greeted his friend and turned back to you, “i’ll ask megumi, he’s been here for longer than me.”

“who you talking to?!” megumi shouted.

“her!” he pointed, you were in front of him, right by the opened window too, he couldn’t see you?

megumi even moved a bit, “itadori, there’s no one there. stop playing, we got to leave!” megumi scolded him before entering the building.

“eh?” yuuji was frowning.

“sorry, i think i’m in the wrong place” you bowed and turned away running.

“wait!” he ran after you, turning corners he thought you could’ve gone but after a few ones he reached a dead end.

“hm? yuuji?” gojo emerged from a classroom.

“gojo-sensei! there was… someone…” he looked around.

“oi, we’re waiting for you, let’s go” megumi came from where he was, grabbing yuuji by the hood of his uniform and dragging him away.

gojo watched through a window as they walked down the staircase until both boys walked out of the building.

“that was weird” you murmured from inside the classroom he was in, “that boy called you sensei” you put more rice into your hungry mouth, “does yaga know you’re pretending to be a teacher here?”

satoru closed the door, lighting another incense on the table that you used to sit. where every year on the anniversary of your death he built a shrine with food you liked.

“i thought haibara was on a mission but i saw him by the tree” you pointed behind you with your chopsticks, where, outside the classroom and behind the building remained the tree you always had lunch underneath during hot summer days.

satoru undid the blindfold, letting his hair fall as he sat in front of you, admiring how you never aged a day. after all, you couldn’t.

in fact, it seemed like you didn’t realize how much time has passed. every year you appeared and every year you thought it was still 2006, when you had two kouhais that did everything you asked, a girl best friend that insisted you smoked with her and two boys that were helplessly in love with you. the last year you were alive.

“is suguru not coming?” you asked with your mouth full.

gojo swallowed hard, “no, angel. it’s just us.”

[camellcat]

just recently rewatched the end of time specials, and I can't stop thinking about the way the master caught the doctor only to let him drop anyway. hey guys. what the fuck? I like had a visceral reaction to that and I don't even know why. that's. what. why'd he do that. do it again

[mbat]

i love how werewolves are a metaphor for so many things. queerness. trauma. menstruation. chronic illness. like... its the best fictional creature for a reason

[cupiidzbow]

bites my fist. I miss them. so damn bad 😢😢😢

[leavingautumn13]

i'm just a servant of the people.

[i have commissions open now]

[itspileofgoodthings]

I’m so interested in closing the gap between starry-eyed Optimism and glowing-eyed rhetoric about the beauty and grace of the world and the actual practical dreary disappointing insurance paperwork dentist appointment workout regimen experience of daily life.

[rookflower]

hmmm very tempted to do a clangen blog

[suffarustuffaru]

why otto was pissed off at julius (also - otto might have developed Control Issues???) (another arc 8 otto theory/analysis)

so this is a sequel to my other post on why otto is so pissed off at subaru (arc 8 ch 24) which. yeah this says a lot about otto either way given ive now made more than one analysis post about why hes being a Pissbaby HAH but anyway.

i think ottos anger at julius is super fascinating bc it seemingly comes out of nowhere, but i think it makes sense upon first glance. julius straightforwardly breaks the hard cold truth to subaru about how louis Has to die. otto snaps at julius bc of what you assume to be either 1. otto doesnt agree with louis dying and/or 2. otto doesnt want julius to say this because itll upset subaru. but then theres the answer that otto gives, which is: otto doesnt want an outsider to the emilia camp interfering with this matter because it affects the emilia camp the most.

we know that reasons 2 (subaru will be upset hearing that louis will most likely have to die) and 3 (otto doesnt want someone outside of emilia camp interfering) are True. the latter is obvious because otto himself is being truthful when he states that, and the former is likely true due to otto snapping at julius after julius says that louis has to die right to subarus face after subarus tried to defend louis, showing that subaru cares deeply for her. otto snapping at julius reads partially, to me at least, as him trying to defend subaru with all the energy of covering the ears on a child so they dont hear something Bad.

but only two chapters after otto first snaps at julius we learn that not only does otto agree with julius on louis needing to be dead, but otto agrees to the point where hes withholding information in order for the emilia camp to remain suspicious of louis and so louis is more likely to die. so it’s interesting that the Only Reasons otto gives to julius on why otto does not want julius interfering with emilia camp are 1. you are an outsider to this matter and 2. you are my enemy. otto is specifically very hostile to julius and anastasia Even After julius apologizes for interrupting in emilia camp matters - and otto Still pushes forward to emphasize that he considers julius and anastasia enemies.

for someone as politically savvy as otto, it's Off-putting that he takes such a passionate position against both julius and anastasia when he knows that theyre not only subarus friends, but theyre also strong allies to the emilia camp who aided them in arc 6 and are loyal enough to follow them into vollachia. so why is otto being so hostile to them when, if anything, it's a Detriment to be so hostile to your own camps allies?

but theres also something else about julius - otto specifically notes that julius "walks in the light" just as emilia and subaru do. despite being beaten down by life, they still choose to hold onto their idealism and their genuine desire to save people. but otto also notes that - unlike emilia and subaru - julius draws the line at louis, and, just like otto, julius figures that louis has to die. which is absolutely not something that julius does on the regular (ex novel readers will remember that julius felt saddened by balleroy dying), and otto recognizes that julius's idealism vs his desire to end louis are in conflict with each other. subaru, at the moment, is at the extreme end of idealism - the desire to save Everyone and go against all odds. otto is, at this point, at the extreme other end - otto is pragmatic and not only doesnt believe that everyone can be saved, but otto doesnt believe that he can have everything he wants, so he has to prioritize. julius, meanwhile, is the in between - julius is a knight that serves a pragmatic merchant himself, and while he wants to save people, he wants to kill louis. he recognizes that louis dying is the cleanest outcome, with a suitable punishment for her actions, and for that reason it has to happen. otto seems uncomfortable by this because he sincerely believes that his path is the best one to take, even though it isnt necessarily morally right - meaning that he figures that he has to oppose subaru and emilia in order to move forward. but then julius comes along and challenges everything ottos thinking by being this blend of subaru and ottos beliefs.

but what is ottos path? otto wants everything to go the way that he plans, which may or may not align with emilia and subarus desires. otto wants it to align with the emilia camps desires because he cares for them and his loyalty to them dictates so much of his actions. but that same loyalty has been leading him to take increasingly excessive actions in the name of trying to keep them safe, both physically and politically, and in his head, keeping his camp safe doesnt Always align with what the rest of his camp wants. keeping his camp safe means doing so even at the cost of going behind his camp's backs. keeping his camp safe means that he's going to keep them safe even if they become upset at his actions.

thats because ottos had this small habit (thats been. steadily growing) of doing what he thinks is best with little to no communication with the rest of his camp. he saved roswaal's tome and kept it hidden from the rest of his camp for a year. he did this out of his continued wariness of roswaal and he plans to restore the book just to find the information in it - and once hes done that, he plans to destroy the book again so that it doesnt fall into the wrong hands. being suspicious of roswaal is understandable, but keeping the fact that he grabbed the tome secret for a year is Definitely a little sketchy. and it doesnt help matters that that same tome he brought into priestella lures the witch cult into the city.

on top of that, theres of course ottos scheming so that the emilia camp agrees to help vollachia in a way that He Wants, along with otto purposefully withholding information about louis. On Top of That, it's not just that ottos withholding information + wanting louis dead - those are already slightly questionable enough, but additionally otto is well aware that subaru cares deeply for louis. otto has not voiced his desire for louis to die and has hidden information that could help save louis's life. theres absolutely No Way that otto doesnt know that if/once louis dies, subaru will be Very distraught by this, but otto keeps going anyway out of pragmatism - out of the thought that subaru will have to eventually get over louis dying, because otto has weighed the possible costs and benefits in his head and hes decided that killing louis has less consequences even though itd deeply upset subaru. thats what walking in the dark means - otto will oppose subaru and emilia out of practicality, because what will actually keep them safe in ottos opinion might not align with what they actually want to do. ottos position in arc 8 thus far implies that hes willing to betray his friends if it means keeping them safe.

this is even more interesting when you bring up a certain quote from the bittersweet peddling trade log side story - otto notes: "But wouldn't I have nightmares if I forsook a person who has done nothing wrong?"

and what is he doing in arc 8? he tried to forsake almost, if not all 50 million people in vollachia. hes trying to forsake someone he knows is innocent now (louis). he's trying to save subaru, but at the same time hes forsaking subaru by withholding information that could potentially save louis. hes tried to forsake julius and anastasia in the sense that his words carry weight as internal affairs minister of the emilia camp and he just declared them - loyal allies to his camp -his enemies.

the thing is - otto is a hypocrite. in more ways than one. otto tells subaru to depend on his friends more in arc 4 - which was the Big Speech of arc 4 - only to turn around and do various things behind his own friends' backs in the name of trying to save them. only to turn around and announce julius and anastasia aka allies to his camp are Enemies. otto snaps at julius to back away as julius is an "outsider" - and while julius is an outsider in the sense that hes not part of emilia camp, everyone reading the novels knows that julius himself has been majorly fucked over by louis and therefore has more than earned the right to have a say in what happens to her. otto remains suspicious of roswaal, understandably, only to agree with todds tactics in arc 7 and make strategies himself (his Leaving Vollachia and only taking who you care about plan) that roswaal agrees with. otto is the one snapping back at roswaal and insisting that roswaals only telling him that opposing subaru and emilia is a poison that will Kill Him because roswaal wants otto to be less difficult and more Compliant so that roswaal can get up to his own schemes - as if otto himself isnt making his own schemes in his head. otto knows that things like his plan to ditch vollachia is callous and hurts innocent people, especially after seeing roswaal agree with his tactics, and he feels guilty for this. but he keeps going anyway, which will likely end up proving roswaal right. the roswaal + otto and todd + otto parallels are Extremely purposeful, especially with the vollachia saga (arc 7-8) where one of the themes is about whether you can truly save everyone without sacrificing morality.

julius might be the proof that there is some sort of middle ground between subaru and ottos worldviews and strategies. you can do unpleasant things that may need to be done while still remaining kind and trying to save as many as you can - instead of abandoning them.

but ottos been Excessively harsh to julius, anastasia, and even roswaal and subaru. getting so angry at someone that you punch a wall hard enough to break your hand not just once, but nearly twice, is Excessive, especially when subarus goal is ultimately just trying to save people. and i think you could also attribute ottos Harshness to the stress hes under right now. otto is - friendly reminder, hah - the same guy who gets anxious easily to the point where his stomach hurts. he gets anxious over paperwork. he gets anxious over his friends and their. lacking. negotiation skills. hes always been Very Loud in his complaints whenever they do things hes not happy with. he admits that hes lost weight because of stress at the BEGINNING of arc 5 (otto, im so sorry but you literally havent gone through all of arc 5+ yet). his drinking is also to cope with stress (our introduction to him in arc 3 is otto coping with his new debt by drinking in a bar). so - otto is Easily anxious. over a lot of things. by the time we get to arc 8, hes gone through a Lot to get here. and stress does Not look good on otto.

where do control issues stem from? yeah, ottos main motivator is to save his camp, but past that, hes tired of not having control. in ch 24 he questions himself - he questions his purpose and his existence and he comes to the conclusion that his meaning for existence is to oppose subaru. subaru, at his core, is all about exerting his will - he brute forces the outcomes he wants because of rbd.

otto, meanwhile, is left to be dragged into danger again and again. ottos life is already out of his control often because of his bad luck and because of his dp making life difficult for him in his formative years - and now hes been dragged into danger repeatedly the moment he got involved with subaru. arc 5 in particular, however, was partially a consequence of otto bringing the tome to priestella - but its a consequence that he didnt expect at all. ottos legs were injured severely by gluttony, leaving him out of commission with no choice but to watch subaru and some of their camp walk away to the watchtower to face more danger without otto being able to be there to make sure theyre safe (otto specifically tells subaru at the end of arc 5 that hes Very Unhappy with this decision). then otto has to go to vollachia to save rem and subaru, only to arrive there and realize that subaru wants to stay to help vollachia. otto goes - fine. if thats what you want, ill help. and then otto finds out that subarus trying to defend gluttony. otto, i think, has grown increasingly resentful of the danger he and his friends have been put in (which is a mix of factors Out of their Control, but its also just. his friends sometimes deciding to do dangerous things as well), so hes developed this mentality that its him and his camp versus everyone else. it all boils down to the thought he has that he cant have both. and if his friends are really going to try to have both, hes going to try to do what he thinks is best. because if they keep trying to pick the more dangerous options - ie the worse options, in ottos opinion - then hes going to make more decisions behind their backs. because hes not gonna trust them to make the decisions that he thinks are the better ones, because its not in Their Nature to do so.

but its in his nature to do that. what do you do when something grows out of control? you try to exert control. theres also the possibility of: why keep allies to your camp around when they encourage your camp to continue staying in vollachia? how can you trust them if theyre going to interrupt on your internal camp affairs?

which is why he grows angry at julius for trying to interfere - because being the internal affairs minister to the emilia camp is otto's job, and he doesnt want someone outside of the camp interfering with his friends and any possible plans he has or will have. this is also why julius apologizes to otto - he recognizes ottos protectiveness and ottos status within his camp.

so. anyway. TLDR: ottos acting a little similar to arc 4 subaru, isnt he? thinking he knows whats best.... trying to manipulate everything around him to get the outcome he wants..... pushing forward on his own instead of depending on his friends..... refusing to depend on his friends.... having Confrontations with roswaal...... etc, etc.

[kingofdinosaurs]

kazuma's dislike not being listed in his profile because he actually has too many is like simultaneously the funniest thing ever and a bit of characterisation that makes me feel like I've been punched in the ribs. like the implicit dissatisfaction he feels with every facet of his life and experience is insane. going through life sometimes not even aware that he can't find it in himself to enjoy it. always thinking that something more will come when he gets his memory back or tomorrow or tomorrow or tomorrow... but he can't just look around him. he can't just take his life as it is.

[islenskihesturinn]

I’ve started riding Fjara to help my dad with her tripping (read: he likes to ride with a long loose rein and Fjara ends up tipping forward).

The first two times we were still getting used to one another, she’s still trying to gauge why the heck I’m asking her for turns and to do a few steps backwards and walk sideways a little.

Today I decided to take a different path around the farm and Fjara was particularly high in her energy, so when we turned to go back her back curled a little and her tempo went up…

And I’m sitting on her all impressed at the energy but also please don’t do a happy buck, I’m still getting used to how different you are from my regular horse 😅

[teaandinanity]

Man, the thing about very twisty mountain roads is that sometimes you come around a bend and there's just an Unexpected Object In Your Fuckin' Lane, right there.

This happened to me THREE TIMES coming back from the grocery store.

The bicyclist was insane, speed limit is 55, there's fuckall visibility and apocalyptic grades that HAVE to make your whole entire leg want to fall off, lanes are narrow, there's no shoulder and nowhere to go if a car does decide 'fuck sharing the road'. The guy coming the other way who slowed down so I had to almost come to a stop to wait for him to pass before I could slide halfway into the other lane to go around said cyclist with actual clearance rather than running them over had me like 'sir why have you chosen to make my life harder and worse. FOOT OFF THE BRAKE. MOVE.' Cyclist was on my side of the road going my direction so I'm not sure what his damage was or if he was just choosing violence.

The turkey was cute but also I hope it moved because immediately after I saw it I saw a truck coming the other direction around yet another blind curve.

And then I came around a bend to the mail jeep half in the other lane and a goddamn hauler truck full of logs fully in MY lane coming towards me and I went,

'This is the universe telling me I should drive less and appreciate being alive more, huh.'

[vaniliens]

Nnnnnnnn

[risingsunresistance]

i did actually write something yesterday and i fear i will literally never open that document again because that would subject me to my own writing

[villainsposting]

The knowledge that all the really good Transformers shit is in the comics vs my abysmal attention span

[the-acid-pear]

enjoying archiving characters. taking them to the back and shooting them.