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A Year In...

Published February 23rd, 2020 

After Jesus was born in Bethlehem in Judea, during the time of King Herod, Magi from the east came to Jerusalem and asked, “Where is the one who has been born king of the Jews? We saw his star when it rose and have come to worship him.”

When King Herod heard this he was disturbed, and all Jerusalem with him. When he had called together all the people’s chief priests and teachers of the law, he asked them where the Messiah was to be born. “In Bethlehem in Judea,” they replied, “for this is what the prophet has written: “But you, Bethlehem, in the land of Judah, are by no means least among the rulers of Judah; for out of you will come a ruler who will shepherd my people Israel.” Then Herod called the Magi secretly and found out from them the exact time the star had appeared. He sent them to Bethlehem and said, “Go and search carefully for the child. As soon as you find him, report to me, so that I too may go and worship him.”                             - Matthew 2

Sometimes I feel that I can relate to the Pharaoh with his fears and anxieties regarding the newborn Jesus. I don’t know about everyone else, but I find the knowledge and awareness of Christ’s existence to be both terrifying and comforting. I know that there are plenty of things that I have done or thought that need forgiveness. His presence alone is enough to make me feel guilt and even shame. While I understand that we are constantly being forgiven because of His sacrifice, it doesn’t make owning up to those errors and flaws any easier. In fact, this makes me more resistant to the call to conversion and change at times.

“But the Lord hardened Pharaoh’ s heart and he would not listen to Moses and Aaron, just as the Lord had said to Moses.”                                                                                                               - Exodus 9:12

As strange as it sounds, I have found myself feeling less vulnerable one year into the JV-Peru experience than when I first arrived. I’m not directly saying that God has hardened my heart since coming to this land, as was the case with the Pharaoh during the time of Moses and the Exodus, but that I now find myself growing empathetic and sorry for this figure. I would like to imagine that, like most leaders, the pharaoh wanted the best for his people and that his intense desire and love for that mission was misguided and perverted slowly, little by little, without him even realizing the harm he was causing his people. By the time he realized how far it had gone, it was too late, but I suppose that this was the way it was supposed to play out for him. Perhaps this is an overly optimistic perspective on the Pharaoh, but who can know for sure?

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Nostalgic Swimming

During this Christmas season, I find myself in a similar boat as the pharaoh, or rather without a boat in the Red Sea. The transition of new and old volunteers ebbing and flowing through Andahuaylillas have begun to stir and blow away the dust from the corners of my heart that were dormant and unexplored for quite some time. I have also been thinking about what it means to prepare our hearts as a stable for Jesus. We recently had a Christmas reflection and prayer regarding this “preparation” this past Sunday, so this wasn’t a casual thought from me for those wondering.

It is currently 2:18AM on Christmas Eve and, after spending a full year as a volunteer, I have woken up with a desire to write about the preparation process of my own stable! I hope that I can somewhat describe my mini experience of metanoia or “change of heart.” At least, this is what I hope to experience regarding my frame of thinking, feeling and being for this next year.

Although this re-connection with myself and my emotions is difficult to describe, I can compare it to the feeling one has with the rediscovery of a childhood toy, film, or favorite song that makes one go “OOOOOOOHHHH MAN!! THIS IS MY ____”. It is this feeling that reunites us with old memories of tender love and nostalgia, but along with this can come traumatic emotions of fear and anxiety. Both are equally helpful to revisit from time to time as they are a part of the human experience, but this current visit has moved me, especially after being away from what was familiar for over a year now.

My current emotions are of sadness and frustration regarding the ways in which I have not yet fully immersed myself into my JV experience. These emotions have brought me back to my time in Nicaragua, and to the initial shock and awe experienced with those who were there. I remember this particularly with the children. Their ceaseless outpouring of love and affection seem to be more apparent during that time than with my daily encounters today with students in Andahuaylillas.

I wonder why I felt that these old feelings weren’t being translated or carried over into this new experience. How have I grown calloused to the injustices that I see on the street with alcoholism, violence, and child neglect? Why was simple living a seemingly achievable and reasonable concept then, when I rarely uphold that value consistently today? Where has my prayer life gone? Why do I find that community has not been helpful for engaging in this sort of discourse and keeping each other accountable? All these thoughts, or more aptly, these accusations hit harder and harder the more I reflected.

Then I began to think about my trip to Guatemala as a peer facilitator. I remembered feeling anger and frustration throughout that experience. I felt that I had failed my group because I did not meet them where they were. I was challenged by how the group wasn’t taking advantage of the experience, or at least to my liking. It was at this point, perhaps in the fogginess of the early Christmas Eve morning, in which I came to the realization that I was pushing some too hard.

I wanted to take people deeper into something they might not have been ready for. I hoped to push them somewhere in between awkwardness and un-comfortability, a hard tone to hit in any intercultural experience. I wanted others to move beyond the “lighter discomforts” of food, language, and culture shock so that they could move into questions and reflections on privilege, social inequality and access to resources among other things. I mean, what did they expect would happen? Everyone chose to be here, they chose to fundraise, and attend several of my country prep meetings to prepare! Weren’t we all expected to be open and dive into the experience? Well, the short answer is no, they were not!

Father Boyle mentions this sort of “measuring up” in Tattoos on the Heart: The Power of Boundless Compassion. He speaks about this limiting way of putting God in a box and the way that we often restrict ourselves and each other. In a lot of ways I believe that I was also disregarding and boxing people in rather than letting them surprise me with who they were and what they had to say.

I distinctly remember feeling dissatisfied by how the group talked about their experience and, without realizing it, dismissed their reflections. I thought about how they weren’t offering much on the trips. Their reflections never seemed to move beyond “surface level” discomforts (whatever that meant). Anything that wasn’t helpful to me was tossed aside, dismissed like many of the motivational posts seen on social media.

“In this place of which you say it is a waste… there will be heard again the voice of mirth and the voice of gladness,,. The voices of those who sing,”

  - Jeremiah 33: 9-11 (quoted from Father Greg Boyle’s Tattoos on the Heart)

Although personally what the group shared didn’t always seem profound or groundbreaking, it was for them! In their own way, they were attempting to grasp this new reality and were greatly affected by it. I too was experiencing great change by what I was experiencing in both Nicaragua and Guatemala, but it was just different. While I may have appreciated and invited moments of existential crisis and feelings of ineptitude and solidarity, they were out finding the joy in the lives of the children in other ways. Where I thought I had found waste, they found their fruit and enjoyed sharing their struggles and laughter together.

We all came from various backgrounds with different skills and interests. I was able to lean in a because I was familiar with their language and some of the cultural norms. They were doing their best to live (for some survive) with the constant rice and beans, the quick paced gab that is Central American Spanish, and the ways in which animals on the street were treated among other things. This newfound sense of community is what brought them closer and allowed for them to be there for one another.

One of the main factors that led to my own decision to become a volunteer internationally were the volunteers at the sites in Nicaragua. They received us warmly and openly. They helped guide our group closely and allowed us to grow deeper by listening to our needs individually and presenting both challenging and beautiful opportunities to connect with the culture, people and life in the community. In Nicaragua, Lucia and the three German volunteers saw the need for my friend Kyle Hill and I to participate more with the boys at the site, since they couldn’t connect as males with the boys. My way in was through sports and language which allowed me to relate to the boys and get them to open up. Similarly, in Guatemala, I connected with the workers through soccer as well. For others in my group, it was through afterschool homework help, dance and playing tag, something that I wasn’t necessarily apt or predisposed to.

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Rediscovering the “Why”

Ultimately these experiences were all things that I wanted to live out for my own. This is what I would be saying yes to when I was applying to the JVC program, but it was also one of the first things that I would forget after a few weeks of “adjustment” and observation in Peru. As time passed on, so did my patience and I had let my heart grow harsher and unwelcoming to those around me. It became a cold place that said “No!” adamantly to Jesus and his family many times over. It wasn’t obvious to me at first, but I found this to be the case after my first year with my JV community.

I wanted to dive deeper into the tumultuous waters of intense conversation and challenge with others but didn’t realize that in this exploration and desire to have others follow, I failed to show the kindness and love that I was shown as I became a stronger swimmer, so to speak. My desire and methods to “invite others” into the deep were intense and not always pastoral or even kind. It was actually traumatic for some! I had failed to recognize the gifts in others, the variety of ways in which others swam whether that be through the breaststroke, butterfly, doggy paddle, and their various distances! All should have been appreciated in their own way and I wish I had the trust in my group (and community) described in Teilhard de Chardin, S.J.’s prayer “Patient Trust.”

Why was I seeking to bring people deeper into the world by “offering” a challenge, when it should have been the other way around? This “new” and foreign world was already doing enough of that! It was others who were offering me the challenge of meeting them where they were, to walk with them at their pace to grow. In retrospect, it was ridiculous to think that I would serve as the impetus for their change. At the time however, I thought my intentions were pure and ideal for them to lean into the experience. And to be fair, my ideas and wishes for others were good willed and honest at first, but slowly I grew to feel “above others” as may have been the case with the pharaoh.

A recent conversation with a friend from one of my retreat experiences had me reflecting on my role as a volunteer and participant in these experiences. I have always appreciated ways in which retreats helped me to become more empathetic and active listener, but I felt that I wasn’t getting much out of it at a certain point. After 10 retreat experiences it can become a challenge to be… well, challenged (I would finish college with 15 total retreats)! My friend and I talked about how now that we are beyond the “freshman” perspective of retreats and were now in more of a grad student-facilitator mindset. Our roles shifted from being sharers, to listeners, being guided principally by the one sharing. That isn’t to say that our roles are now to be valued more or placed on a pedestal, but that based on our experiences we now prefer this new role as it is helping us grow. I may have already been through the wonderful experiences of Search, Kairos, and other retreat experiences, but I experience and view them now very differently.

This conversation helped me realize that the same thing is now happening to me in the international context. Although I had been on other immersion experiences, this was something completely different. My heart was becoming hardened and calloused after “training” and forming myself within the Ignatian tradition during my time at Scranton. While I have grown more aware of different techniques to engage with others, I have also failed to adapt to the new situations and began to lose myself in the international context. I shouldn’t be too hard on myself given that this is the first time I live outside of my home with 3 “Woo” girls away from friends and family (Click here for the reference).

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End of the first year…

With all that said, I should probably describe some of the moments that I have experienced so that it might make more sense! The first moment comes from a fellow Cadis born Spanish volunteer who lived with us, Pablo Lobato. I was initially excited by the idea of having a male volunteer that was to stay with us for two years. However, once work started it became difficult to enjoy his company for a number of reasons. Having the same responsibilities at Fe y Alegria grew to be cumbersome with the amount of time we were spending with each other and when it came to organizing lesson plans that may not happen. Our states of mind and emotions influenced each other heavily. As you may remember from the previous newsletter, the challenge at Fe y Alegria was that there wasn’t a great deal of organization at the school and had I lost much interest and passion in the work. The same was true for Pablo. The situation affected Pablo so much that he was burnt out after a few months. It would lead to him ending his volunteer experience a year early.

Curiously enough, once Pablo made the decision to leave, things seemed to improve for him. He still had a few months to go and made the best of it. He joked around with folks from Fe y Alegria more and at his other worksite in Urcos. His openness and sense of humor brought him closer to those at work and even with others at the parish. He would often be out spending time with folks outside of our home and he really began to enjoy Andahuaylillas, even with its Oh Peru moments. Once December hit, the love and sadness expressed by everyone he knew was quite moving and made me think about how I would feel if I were leaving that year.

I realized that my own approach to developing relationships was perhaps a bit too cold. A few months in, I remembered pushing away a few of the local parish workers after having made plans to play soccer. I was angry because they had stood me up for over an hour on three separate occasions. So I (regretfully) called them out and told them that I wouldn’t go to anything they invited me to because it probably wouldn’t end up happening or would go on too late. In the moment, I thought that it would make clear that I don’t really abide by the “Peruvian Hour,” when it really only alienated me more than I already was as a gringo. My stable was becoming unwelcoming and standoffish, and its love, conditional. It is important to note that Peruvians and Latin Americans have an interesting concept of time. Time is a social construct where 30 minutes can mean an hour or two. This all seems to be universally understood amongst Peruvians, but it continues to frustrate me to this day.

A master of this concept and someone who helps me manage my struggle with punctuality is one of my closer friends in Andahuaylillas, Amilkar or Micky for short. He helps out at the parish and our mutual love for FC Barcelona has us meeting at least once a week to watch the game or play soccer at the Maracana turf field. We also play guitar at mass together whenever either of us can. Aside from that, we don’t spend too much of our time together discussing our personal lives. Since I play mostly on Sundays in the Temple, Micky is a part of the Saturday crew which included Pablo on the cajon or sound box. When the pastoral team at the parish and Pablo and I from Fe y Alegria had to come together to organize the kids’ First Communion I saw what the dynamics were like with Pablo and Micky.

They were constantly bagging on each other and Pablo seemed to be a much livelier person than I’d ever seen him. They would share in each other’s qualms about the lack of organization on both fronts and take joy in staying late after mass to chat about life. It was refreshing to see Pablo in this light. Once we had finished coordinating the First Communion, which took place on December 8th, we had a plethora of despedidas or going away parties. Given that 4 volunteers were leaving Mountain house, there were no shortage of cakes, meals and tears. It was quite a beautiful thing to witness and it all came to a culmination when we celebrated our final misa together.

El Estadio de Maracana de Andahuaylillas. Quite arguably, my favorite turf field with a view of the Coriorco Mountain

The Weekend Crew

So happy to have finished with Primera Comunion. It was a tough and beautiful year indeed

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Final Misa

With it being Christmas time, a number of masses had already been “booked” by other groups leaving me without a clear role at mass. It was nice to not have to play and to participate in a different way. I was able to immerse myself more fully and reconnected with my old self that wasn’t being brought out. All my motions had purpose, the readings were clear, and I felt connected with the church. Ever since I began to lead the chorus on Sundays, I have been focusing more on playing the songs well instead of listening to what the songs were saying and what the readings were for the day. I used to always find solace and a “lighter” sense of myself when at mass. When our inchoate chorus sung without confidence early on, I began to lose this magical feeling at mass.

I think my failure to pray and reflect WITH God instead of just going through the motions was affecting me greatly. Once this responsibility was lifted temporarily, I enjoyed mass once more. This is, of course, all in retrospect and doesn’t include the misas at home, which were also scarce due to Padre Gonzalo’s limited availability. I don’t know if any of you reading this have had a similar experience at mass, but I am looking for ways to stay intentional and focused during mass (so please share!). It’s challenging when playing for a folks who should believe that all voices singing to God are beautiful. This is not always the case though!

As per usual, the initial impetus comes from the Misa that was celebrated this past week. It was our last misa with a majority of the house, whom we had spent the past year or so with but also the first Misa experience for the new volunteers. It wasn’t so much the scripture readings that affected me, but the fact that this was the last misa we would celebrate as Mountain House 2019! Even with all the frustration that I had experienced the past year, there was a lot of joy and fun too. It all hit me at once when Pablo admitted that he would miss us all dearly and alluded to his regret in his decision to leave. It was a touching moment that was only made worse by my slowing down of the ofertorio song Tomad Señor y Recibid (which is Saint Ignatius’ Suscipe Prayer).

The question now is “What now?” This, like all reflections, means nothing if these “airy “topics and subjects are not made incarnado or made flesh/incarnate. St. Ignatius does ask us to be contemplatives in action after all! After a long pattern of closing up my heart and stable from others, I have begun re-open up shop. It’ll take time, but I hope that with the arrival of the new community we can start fresh and find our rhythm early on! Can’t wait to MAGA it up for 2020! Here’s to Making Andahuaylillas Great Again!

Google Photos Link: https://photos.app.goo.gl/3hbgZLo3USHxDDU57

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“Heaven only knows”

As a random or connected note, these thoughts and reflections come at a time when I realized that many of the songs that I had once cherished and appreciated as a child, mostly from my beloved first CD “album” Now That What I Call Music 19, released in 2005. I was thinking about John Legend’s Heaven and when I went to search for it in my files, there was no trace of it anywhere! I went to search for Ordinary and could not find that or several other songs from that time period. I was most upset to find that all things Coldplay were absent. Speed of Sound really helped kickstart my passion and love for music during my VH1 viewing days.

I mention this because music was what really helped me capture the moment in a sort of time capsule. It inspired and reaffirmed me during difficult lulls and times of change and transition. It is a categorized portal into my life, especially the ways in which I organize my own music.

Exhibit A: 2017 was certainly a coming of age year for me…I don’t know what every hashtag means, but some things definitely stand out for me.

           I hope that this rediscovery of old music will also motivate me to begin the new year with some chispa and passion. Perhaps this new year and community can be an opportunity for me to take advantage of what Peru has to offer. I wish for more openness with the Oh Peru moments, less judgement and heart hardening moment and enough discipline to actually read and write often. So I bid 2019 farewell with a few lyrics from John Legend’s Heaven. Cheers to second chances and to this next year!  

So will you come back to me?

Make this night the best night It's time for second chance Turn the beat up on repeat, and we can start to dance…

Heaven only knows

Our final Tiny Airport (Desk) Concert was pretty awesome

They are definitely smarter, taller and more hilarious a year later. I miss them so much!

[lewigm-blog]

Newsletter 4: Confirmación que Dios está aquí

Published June 4, 2019

As a Jesuit Volunteer serving in Andahuaylillas, Peru one of my favorite traditions is the weekly Misa or Mass which is hosted by our volunteer house, or by the Jesuits at their residence. Typically, we invite people of the community to gather and break bread together, both figuratively by celebrating mass and literally with a meal! Unlike the average Sunday Mass, every person has an opportunity to share their own sort of homily, reflections or petitions openly with the group. It isn’t a requirement for one to be of the Catholic faith or tradition to participate, but we are all asked to actively listen to the scripture passages and to each other.

I appreciate the more intimate settings of our weekly misas because we get to see our companions, coworkers, and fellow JVs in another light. The experience changes based on who attends and what is shared amongst the group. This past misa had me reflecting deeply on the concept of confirmation and what it means to be confirmed into one’s calling, which for me is to serve as a JV. (June 3rd, 2019 readings)

When I entered into this long-term JVC program, I naturally came into the experience with grandiose ideas and expectations of what service will be. I was gifted a guitar to bring for the journey and wanted to use it as a means of relaxation and self-care. Pablo, an external volunteer from our house, also played guitar so he decided to help with the startup of a chorus made up of 4th, 5th and 6th graders from my worksite at Fe y Alegría 44. I was ecstatic about this as the children were animated to sing and meet students from other grades, but this idea didn’t develop as smoothly and as quickly as I had thought.

The students and I had prepared for a few weeks together by spending hours during and after school so that we would build enough confidence to sing at mass. Our first mass was ok, but like most startups, there was always room for improvement. We had played songs that weren’t common in the Quispicanchi region and I felt that we needed more rehearsal and perhaps someone with more knowledge of more traditional local Catholic songs. It was a struggle to adjust to the rhythm and melody of the songs we selected, while making the songs appealing to the kids, but we continued working each week.

On a particularly hectic week, we decided that it was time to switch up the songs. I grew anxious projects piled on at work and time was running short. I began to question how we would perform. What made matters worse was that I began to feel this inadequacy 30 minutes before playing in front of the mass of 1st graders and their families.

Things quickly started to fall apart when the director of the primary school came over to sing with us for the opening song. She had not practiced with the group and sang at a tempo that was much slower than what I had practiced with the kids. This led to many awkward pauses in my playing, which is something a wise Jesuit told me to NEVER do, and in that moment I felt that the kids had lost their shepherd.

After the humbling experience of the first song I realized that my suffering wasn’t over just yet. We still had another eight songs to go! I had a hard time focusing afterwards and couldn’t wait until I got through to Dios esta aquí (God is here) since it is an easy song to play. Ironically enough, it was at this moment that I struggled to find God the most. I was so disheartened that I stopped paying attention to the readings and could only think about all the parents who had come for their children and how we would sound moving forward. I questioned why I had chosen to begin this journey at all, and left immediately once the mass was over.

The next morning as I was on my way to prepare the next batch of students for the following Sunday’s mass, a man noticed that I was carrying my guitar and approached me. He asked if I played guitar and all I could do was laugh. I thought to myself, “Well, technically I do play guitar!” but I found the timing and God’s sense of humor all too convenient since my ears were still recovering from the previous day. The man told me that they were looking for a guitarist and handed me his business card.

                        God’s sense of humor is quite incredible

This was a sign, a calling, my confirmation that I was meant to have more faith and lean more into our chorus. This interaction helped me see that children’s desire to be a part of the chorus was enough to make it worthwhile and meaningful. The chorus is something that is new for me and the community. It didn’t matter how perfectly together we sung. It was about being there for the children and constantly pushing through, especially when things seem dismal. If I truly desire for the program to flourish, it means that I have to be willing to bring my enthusiasm, passion and love in every aspect of this project.

This call to persevere and continue is the same call that was asked of St. Paul during this past week’s misa reading. As Paul had found in Ephesus, I too had found my young and eager disciples in Andahuaylillas. The children in primary school just needed some guidance, heroic leadership and love from me.

This message helped me to concert more of my efforts this week, and the chorus performed beautifully! I showed them more patience and encouragement and they fed off that energy as we sang loudly and proudly together.

“Listen; the time will come -- indeed it has come already -- when you are going to be scattered, each going his own way and leaving me alone. And yet I am not alone, because the Father is with me…  in this world you will have hardship but be courageous.” Jn. 16:32

This chorus project was an experience in which I had felt lost and without much direction, but Paul’s desire and Jesus’ challenge is to find God during these challenging moments. Jesus wisely lets us know that we WILL have experiences of hardship, we WILL at times fail, but we must remain steadfast during these moments in our vocation. I hope that in whatever challenge we may find ourselves in, we can find some consolation, a tad bit of confirmation, and a whole lot of God. Especially if that confirmation is hard to hear over the singing or two volunteers and enthusiastic 4th, 5th and 6th graders.

My amazing enthusiastic “Coro” of 4th, 5th, and 6th graders

  “El Coro” playing and singing in our home venue at the San Pedro Apostal Templo in Andahuaylillas, Peru

[lewigm-blog]

Newsletter 3.5: With just a few loaves and some fish we can all do the Magis

Published August 22, 2019

 “Taking the five loaves and the two fish, and looking up to heaven, he said the blessing, broke the loaves, and gave them to the disciples, who in turn gave them to the crowds. They all ate and were satisfied…”

-        Matthew 14: 13-21

 This one goes out to all those who have fed me when they thought they didn’t have much to give. It is because you give, that I am where I am today. Surely those efforts have helped others out as now it is me who is sharing more loaves of bread and fish than I thought I had.

 During our misa a few weeks ago, Matthew’s gospel passage had me reflecting on the magis, which for those who don’t know is a Jesuit/Latin comparative adjective meaning “the more.” This is something that Saint Ignatius constantly reflected on and challenged others in. At any time, it is to be and give more of yourself to others, yourself and, by nature, God as well. I have had countless opportunities to live out this magis during my time as a JV. I could always give my students and community more attention, a project more of my energy, and be more present during mass or during “Peruvian” meetings. While these are just a few situations in which the litany and struggles of life have tempted me from performing at 100%, I recognize that it is a completely normal thing to experience from time to time.

In the world of a volunteer and, I imagine, a professional, the temptation to be and do “enough” will happen more than once and can affect other areas of our lives. It can sneak into our routines subtly and casually (as sin usually does), but it can also happen all at once through traumatic events such as the death of a loved one, an accident or any other unexpected tragedy. You may very well be experiencing this difficulty in your lives now as Jesus did upon hearing the news of the death of John the Baptist during this past week’s reading. Like Jesus, we may want to retreat from the world to recover from a difficult moment but sometimes God has other plans for us and puts people in our lives that call for us to be more. In this Gospel reading we see that Jesus still tends to the needs of the people, performing miracles and constantly giving more of himself for others even when he may not be at his best emotionally. It is during these experiences that we are tested and pushed to the limit as people. Sometimes it is the people we give all of ourselves to that are the ones goading us, pushing us closer to the brink of giving up.

The children of Israel lamented, “Would that we had meat for food! We remember the fish we used to eat without cost in Egypt…But now we are famished; we see nothing before us but this manna.”

*This one does hit home with me literally as the frequency and access to meat was much more readily available back in the states than here in Peru, but I digress…

Oh, how ungrateful the Israelites were! Oftentimes, our service or jobs have us encountering and accompanying people who complain and fail to recognize the love in our labor as Moses experienced. Our children, students or anyone else who depends on us might be crying out for something that we aren’t exactly offering or feel obliged to offer. The hope is that they are seeking the magis, but it usually isn’t phrased or perceived this way. It can present itself as moaning and groaning after the students’ “reward” for finishing their work early is yet another worksheet. It could also be in the form of blank stares of silence and indifference after showing them what you initially thought was interesting or profound. God forbid you try to get your students to think a bit more critically! Maybe it’s just an off day for you and them and they’re not ready to understand why you teach this way. They might not even know what their words or actions are doing to our spirit, but it can be tough to keep moving forward from this. I haven’t had a formal education in teaching so why am I here anyway? All these thoughts have raced through my mind while I’m in school teaching.

“Why do you treat your servant so badly?” Moses asked the LORD. “Why are you so displeased with me that you burden me with all this people?... Where can I get [meat] (insert whatever applies in your vocation) to give to all this people? For they are crying to me, ‘Give us [meat] for our food.’ …If this is the way you will deal with me, then please do me the favor of killing me at once, so that I need no longer face this distress.”

Well we certainly don’t want to push Mr. Moses, cause he’s close to the edge (for the song reference click here). In the book of Numbers (11: 4b-15), we see an image of a frustrated, on-the-edge Moses (and at times Luis during 6th grade Catechism classes) going through a difficult experience. I remember feeling this way several times after the initial “new teacher” grace period was over. Some of my students wanted to test me and push me and see what would happen. Thankfully, I didn’t let it bother me too much initially, but after some time and external responsibilities piling up, I began to show my inner Moses.

Curiously enough, my session on the Ten Commandments for my 6th graders in June had me wanting to pull my hairs out. We were about about a month away from the mid-year break and the kids were starting to show their readiness for the vacation. This session was supposed to take only one class, but it spanned two, hour and a half sessions across two weeks. The session seemed simple as I asked the students to find the scripture passage on the Commandments, read it as a group (popcorn style) and then identify 10 or so commandments. A few of the commandments weren’t explicitly written out and this threw them for a loop. Once the 30-minute ordeal was over, I grouped them by table and they were to write on papelón, or big paper, their assigned commandment and provide an illustration of one situation in which people followed the commandment and then one example of people disobeying the commandment. The activity dragged on and the students did not want to cooperate. I was growing frustrated as I struggled to maintain order in class, so I asked them to present their illustrations. The results were sad, but hilarious.

The “Best” of the presentations on the Ten Commandments

           Perhaps not the most kind and loving way to teach, but I am still learning and feel that I have a sense of humor to uphold. After this episode, there were constant breaks in our lessons week to week as events would come up that would leave several weeks between religion classes. It is important to note that we teach religion once a week, which only made matters worse. This lack of organization at Fe y Alegria, my waning patience, and an overall lack of commitment to much of anything brought me into a low and apathetic state. I eventually fell into a trap of copy-and-paste lesson planning. I would provide relatively simple lessons that summarized the celebration, origin of a Saint or an image of Mary that was conveniently packaged into a video that I found the night before, or morning of class. The unoriginal and unengaging sessions could be likened to that of a substitute teacher plan that I had always dreamed and hoped for as a middle schooler myself; It was a shortcut way of “teaching” if one could call it that. In hindsight, this period was when my flame and passion for JVC and teaching flickered and grew dim. Utterly disheartened, inexplicably exhausted and seemingly drained of creativity, I found myself in a power save mode of myself.

This change didn’t happen overnight, and I still struggle to pinpoint its origins, but I realized that it wasn’t healthy place to be. It led to a lack of enthusiasm in many aspects of my life, namely with my JVC community, local relationships with coworkers, and then to family and friends from home. The JVC values of simple living, social justice, spirituality and community were also reduced greatly and often neglected. I was, as some of my Spaniard friends say, in la ubi or a critical point in my life. Thankfully I just had to make it until the mid-year break in order to see my girlfriend and lifegiving force Cat. But even with these brief feelings of excitement, I would wakeup exhausted and knew that I just needed a break. When the opportunity to sign up for the Spiritual Exercises came up, I took them seriously in the hope that it would restore me to the gung-ho, high energy JV I knew I was. I was hoping to encounter God and myself, and thankfully I did.

The 3-day experience of the Spiritual Exercises was a refreshing dive into the deep end of spirituality that came at the right time. I had always been in the pool, but I think I wasn’t doing myself any favors by staying in the shallow end for so long. It helped me reset and reassess what was important to me and let go of anything that wasn’t conducive to my growth and wellbeing. I used Dean Brackley’s The Call to Discernment in Troubled Times as a guide through the exercises and what moved me the most was his chapter on forgiveness. I was having a hard time accepting the fact that we are all sinners and have to ask God for the grace to accept ourselves.

“From a gospel point of view, appreciating God’s healing mercy is more important than fixating on our defects. For what frees us is knowing that we are acceptable and accepted, not as a prize for being good, but in spite of being not so good.” (29)

This quote, among others in the book, helped me to understand the way that God sees us as people in need of constant forgiveness. It might be the reason why Jesus helped out those folks who followed Him even when He wanted to be off by Himself. We are certainly imperfect creatures and it isn’t easy to admit that we are flawed and are in need of forgiveness. This self-forgiveness leads into other areas of our lives and helps us to recognize that those we serve also need forgiveness and patience. It works by both offering it whenever possible, but also accepting it whenever we need it. If you think about your own professions, the same might be said about you! I understand and appreciate this now especially as a teacher myself. Along with my own classes in primary school I also assist with the preschool in the mornings. I am more than aware of the amount of energy and patience is necessary to manage 30 children for several hours at a time! Something that the exercises that helped me reflect the goodness in the day was to review one’s day, week or year in this way:

Where was God in my day today? Where was it easy to find Him? Where was it difficult? How have I helped another? How was my energy or mood in that moment? Where do I draw my energy to continue forward when I begin to grow tired? Is this sustainable? Why or why not? This is simply a way of focusing less on the errors in our ways of teaching and more on the goodness of our service and labor. I am all too aware that I have a hyper-sensitivity and criticalness to how I live out my day and this can bog me down easily.

Something that helped me slowdown and be more was being assigned the chore of taking out the garbage. The unfortunate part about having the garbage chore is that the truck comes on Saturdays and you must unload your garbage whenever the truck arrives (between 6:30-8:00am) or else the company doesn’t pick it up. I took the morning and chore silently as I walked through the main plaza of Andahuaylillas and appreciated the stillness and beauty of the surrounding mountains. While I waited for the truck to arrive, I saw a short elderly woman that I had never seen before getting her garbage out onto the street. She came closer to me and advised me through hand gestures that the truck was on the other side of the street. I realized that she was deaf and tried her best to communicate with me. One of the reflection readings for the Exercises and this moment had me thinking about how Jesus healed the deaf man in (Mark 7:31-37). I also thought about how Jesus was reaching out to the poor and marginalized and gave them the opportunity to feel heard and listened to. I decided to sit down with this woman and let her feel heard, even though I couldn’t understand most of what she was saying.

I began to see and appreciate the way God works through people. It was as if He was telling me to stop and listen to others. It didn’t take much effort, it only took some time, patience and presence for me to be fulfilled in that moment. It might not seem like much, but the magis that I speak of is much like this. The magis isn’t only the great moments that transform the world noticeably, but a simple outpouring of self when you don’t have to. I used to think about how people sometimes seem to be “slowing me down” with a hello or how are you, when in reality these are the opportunities to be more for others. It is an opportunity to lean into someone’s life and be there to ask them the same. It is a habit that builds with time and mindful reflection. The Exercises have taught me to pray for God’s grace to be able to encounter Him more whenever the time or opportunity arises. It seemed foreign to me when I first truly heard about praying for grace, but it has improved my ability to find God in all things, large and small.

An example of how kindness imprints on the heart. Ben, a former JV, being embraced with one of his old students from his time here four years ago

This has changed my outlook and attitude on the kind of teacher I want to be. I feel more capable of giving myself over to the lives of the students and other teachers. I have a newfound source of patience with the kids, and it has already made a world of a difference. That isn’t to say that I haven’t slipped here and there, but I am much more mindful of the moments that we do have a productive session or activity. Even looking back before the Exercises, I realized that I did have fantastic moments of learning and discussion. It has happened less than I would like since working with primary school aged students is (roughly) 75% classroom management and whatever is left over is for learning material. I use learning loosely as it isn’t only about knowing concepts, but also the development of the whole person. Although we can build a tolerance for workloads and social obligations, we need these hiatuses from time to time to turn our low battery mode selves into a high-performance version of ourselves as well. When we are able to reach the 110% range and beyond, we can work and function more creatively and spectacularly for and with others.

The preschoolers are learning to cut hair and take on some adult responsibilities such as reading magazines

Ordering the mass by events! I learned a lot myself by planning this activity.

 It takes constant reflection and humility to be able to discern what our hearts are craving, but we must also ask for God’s grace to develop this skill. We may at times feel that we know what we need to be our full selves, and to an extent we do, but this knowledge is slowly revealed to us by God through people and experiences. We might believe that we crave one thing (type of food or drink), but in reality, what we needed was another (appetizer) that reminds us to stop and savor the moment (food) we are chewing now. I want to thank those who have given me exactly what I needed even when I didn’t know I needed it. These folks are the educators in my life who taught me the invaluable lessons of hard work, reflection, and self-empowerment that have kept me going. This is for all those in the counseling/ after school programs, coaches, family, friends and all my mentors in between. A number of you are on this list and know who you are. Keep on with the magis attitude but also give time for yourselves to rediscover or reignite that flame if you are ever feeling exhausted or overwhelmed with work. Even Jesus needed lunch breaks from time to time, so once again thanks for sharing yours.

“Taking the five loaves and the two fish, and looking up to heaven, he said the blessing, broke the loaves, and gave them to the disciples, who in turn gave them to the crowds. They all ate and were satisfied…”

  Matthew 14: 13-21

Peace,

Luis

P.S.

I would like to hear you tales and moments of feelings of burnout and being overwhelmed with life, and how you have moved past this. Teachers of mine! I ask that (if possible) to please share your stories, because I am sure that I have likely been the culprit or source of some of that grief at some point or another. (Whether that be sleeping in the front row of class or something from my time as an angsty teenager!) I look forward to hearing from you!

  For more pics click here! https://photos.app.goo.gl/Ay3FwhQEGCoRQ3oj9

(Full reading here)

[lewigm-blog]

Newsletter 3: Lima tell you something about Peru’s Capital…

Me trying to imagine and pose for a cute couple’s picture. Cat has to send me a picture of her sitting on some steps so I can photoshop her in. (Also I wonder what was going on with the couple behind me. I’d like to think that I captured a cute moment of them) Published April 16, 2019

Gypsy Music

“God is a gypsy who plays her violin

At the gate of my heart.

Hidden in the high thin notes of her wild music

is her longing for love.

She plays her rhapsody

Until the tears come… longing, longing to be invited in.”

-        Sr. Lou Ella Hickman

 After spending a short six hours at the Starbucks in Cusco, I finally finished my pre-Lima newsletter in Cusco… That is to say that I am only three newsletters behind now! I am excited to be writing going through my experience and time in Lima with a broader perspective on what the Lima trip has meant for me. The city has much life and is constantly moving with rushed vendors hopping onto moving buses on highways and throughout every street. Interestingly enough, traffic seems to function better than some major U.S. Cities. Everyone here is an aggressive driver, not much like Jersey or Long Island drivers in the ways they can be careless or distracted, but rather they drive with an attentive, but intense approach to driving. Not all conductors can be characterized this way, but I can say this much about the commercially employed and apparently licensed drivers.

Amidst the bustling movement of people and vehicles, I have been able to draw out three “themes” or questions that capture my time in Lima: Traffic, privilege and more traffic, “Why am I here?”, and “Bohemian Rhapsody” While some of the events and moments I describe while in Lima fall clearly into one theme, most others blend and find their place somewhere in between.

Traffic, privilege and more traffic

As my fellow first year community mate and I arrived in Lima, we were met with an overwhelming heat and cloudiness that pervaded each and every breath we took. It was as if Peru was letting us know that although we had come down 3,000 meters of altitude, we weren’t going to make it through the coastal region without some discomfort. In true volunteer fashion, we were provided with a cheap Altel “dumb” phone (which only worked on speaker phone) to communicate with our JVC community back home for anything migrations related. Another adjustment we had to make was navigating the city without access to consistent internet. We found ourselves downloading, screenshotting and even hand drawing walking and bus routes to move around. It became our nuanced approach to being simple living JVs in Lima.

One of the aspects that struck me the most about Lima was the rhythm and pace of the traffic and the Limeñan people. Our entire first day in Lima was spent attempting to understand the bus routes and system. We stayed at the “humble” Inmaculada Colegio located in Santiago del Surco, which was conveniently located near a major highway (Panamerica Sur Highway). The highways have bridges and other points of access so that pedestrians could make their way to bus stops. Bus companies in Peru tend to be privatized and have specific routes which only added to the confusion. The city of Lima had its own public bus company, but we never made it to that point in our time with public transportation. After failing to describe our destination to nearly 20 buses, we decided to hop on a random bus and see where it took us.

Once aboard, we zipped past several districts and areas of the city, both poor and underdeveloped and also drove through areas that were more touristy and gentrified.  One region in particular, San Luis, had me disconcerted and would shift my perspective for the rest of my time in the city. As the bus drivers maneuvered through hordes of stagnant traffic, several passengers hopped on and off to get to their destination. One young man, about my age, made his way onto the bus and stood near a woman in a seat in front of my community mate. I initially thought nothing of him as he appeared to be just another passenger who, like most other Peruvians on public transportation, had little regard for personal space. He suddenly bent over and drew closer to this woman putting his arm around her, speaking to her as a close friend would. I couldn’t hear much of anything over the incessant car horns and chants of street vendors attempting to sell their goods, but after he spoke, the woman seemed distressed as she began to shake her head. He crouched down, and it appeared that he was comforting her. She then opened her backpack and he searched through it, taking out some money. He casually called over a bus vendor selling snacks and purchased a soda with her— I suppose now his—money. In a dramatic and cruel fashion, he opened and drank the soda in front of her, gasping in delight after consuming the first sip of his spoils.

If my description of this event so far hasn’t told you much about me, I am quite weary and observant of those around me, especially in unfamiliar territories. Perhaps it was the inner gringo in me or all the news media clips that my mom and other family members would share with me before arriving in Lima, but I feared for my own safety. In that moment, I felt that my decision to wear Chaccos, Touristy white cargo shorts and a Henle Long sleeve shirt was the worst thing I could’ve possibly done (Picture this but with a different shirt). I experienced an intense pressure and anxiety as my Americanness and privilege seemed surged up as if it was beach ball that I was trying to hide underneath water. I felt very out of place and wanted nothing more than to disappear. I had never seen a robbery in action.

What could I have really done? What if he approached my community mate? I only felt the sweat profusely leaving the pores from my hands onto my knees and shorts as these thoughts passed through my mind. Seeing what I believed to be a casual Jason Bourne-esque robbery on the bus, I only wanted to get back to Andahuaylillas. I struggled thinking about how I would travel the rest of my time in Lima. My community mate and I still had a whole 12 days in the city, and I wanted nothing more than to leave after our migrations process was over. I was never quite at ease during the rest of the trip after that moment but had to pull it together for migrations.

The next few days were spent drawing out maps to the tramites and customs office about an hour walk away. What we expected would be a process that would take a few trips and days was over in a matter of three hours. We left the Inmaculada early ordering an Uber from inside the Inmaculada to take us to the interpol and customs office. We thought we had arrived early enough but there was a long line of others waiting to be let through. One thing to note is that Peruvian lines can be complicated and generally disorganized, but we didn’t know that at the time. With a great wave and influx of Venezuelan refugees, things were backed up for everyone who may have just wanted to renew their licenses, ID’s and file any other paperwork. I was growing nervous after seeing other folks in line pulling out the same sheets of paper that looked completely different than ours. I thought that we had forgotten something back in Andahuaylillas and our trip would be for nothing!

When we finally reached the front of the line, an employee asked me where my papers were, and he noticed that my community mate and I had United States passports. He then loudly exclaimed “Oh you’re AMERICANS?! Why didn’t you come up front and say so?!” and then he took us inside. As we walked past several offices and groups of people, we were told that we had waited in the Venezuelan line and we would be tended to shortly. The process afterwards was clear and simple. We were fingerprinted, had our teeth checked and signed a few documents. Within a few hours we were out of the interpol offices and I was to check up on my religious carnet in a few weeks back home in Cusco. It seemed like an easy process for us but there were many Venezuelans still in lines and I wondered how long they would be there.

For those who may not know, Venezuela is going through an economic, political and humanitarian crisis. The “President” Nicolás Maduro has allowed for much corruption to go unchecked for years, leaving many to flee the country so that they can provide for themselves and their families. Many Venezuelans seek refuge in nearby countries such as Ecuador, Bolivia, Colombia and Peru. Many of the street and bus vendors in Peru today are Venezuelans hoping to make some money to meet up with family in other countries, or to simply feed themselves for the day. It is both sad and amazing to see the resiliency and positivity of many Venezuelans who are grateful for every sale and donation.

During my trip with the tourist bus company PeruHop, I met a Venezuelan named Luis in Paracas who was working in a hostel we stayed at. He fled the country as things were starting to get violent and desperate and he told me how grateful he was to find employment and a place to stay. Most of Luis’ friends and family weren’t so lucky. Oftentimes, even if they managed to leave Venezuela, they struggled finding consistent employment.

The sentiment and tensions that some of the Limeñans had towards the newly immigrated Venezuelans weren’t helpful during the mass migration. During mass at the Inmaculada, some Catholics grumbled about parables or readings that welcomed the stranger and foreigner. This crisis has been going on since Hugo Chavez’ presidency in 2010. It has been nearly a decade and the issues have yet to be resolved. The distaste and disapproval of their migration seemed ironic to me because just a few decades prior, Venezuela had opened its borders to receive Peruvians. I suppose it surprised me to witness a distaste of migrants and refugees in another country. These issues are present everywhere I suppose.

 Why am I here?

This question of “Why am I here?” came up often during my time in Lima. After our migrations experience took only a mere 3 hours to accomplish, I wondered what we were going to be doing for the next 12 days. My community mate and I decided to spend a few days on the safe and touristy bus company called PeruHop. It took us to the beach town of Paracas, near the Ballestas Islands or better known as “The Galapagos of Peru.” We also stayed in Huacachina and the area of Ica, home of the largest desert oasis where spent an afternoon looking at the sunset after sandbuggying. This was definitely an experience that I would normally enjoy but given the reason I had come to Peru in the first place, seemed to contradict the JVC value of simple living and solidarity with the people we served.

This was a difficult discernment process because it wasn’t a decision that affected solely myself, but my other community mate as well. I had not been accustomed to living a life of much travel, vacation and privilege before. As some of you may know, I was raised with my brother by a single mother who had sacrificed much to ensure that we were provided with the necessities. Here and there money would be saved up to take a trip to the free Knoebels family park or on the rare occasion, to Dorney Park. Time off and vacationing wasn’t the norm for me, and it was difficult to discuss with my JV community mate since our upbringings were starkly different. I constantly had to ask myself, “Is this really simple living? Why am I spending more than 3 months’ worth of stipend for a trip that most of the people in the Quispicanchi region will never experience? Am I doing this because I want to or to appease the community?” Questions like these surged constantly and left me feeling uneasy and resentful.

I understand that I have many differences with others, but I struggled to find a balance between our different gustos (tastes) and interests during our time in Lima. It was a particular challenge being just one on one with that person, but I (eventually) realized that I was at odds with my community mate because we are different people. I understood the saying “You learn a lot about yourself and others when you travel with them.” It was certainly an intense way of experiencing this saying as it was two people.

I have found that this whole arranged marriage part of the Jesuit Volunteer experience was difficult because well… it’s arranged! In my life, especially leading up to my departure, I tried spending most of my time and energy with the people I cared for the most. I had no problem leaving an event or kindly declining invitations to spend time with acquaintances. I simply did not have the time to casually be wasting time, or at least that was how I bluntly rationalized that decision. I spent time with the individuals who I would consider true friends, the people that gave me so much life and added value to me as a person. I believe that I may have brought a bit too much of that no-acquaintance attitude into Peru. Naturally, I didn’t realize this completely on my own. I had the help of some Jesuit apartment mates for two weeks at the Inmaculada.

 Bohemian Rhapsody

Contrary to my earlier descriptions, not all from my trip was a negative experience. I had a wonderful time within the walls of the Inmaculada. With it being the start of the “summer vacation,” the colegio was empty and quiet. The only sounds came from construction, much like the University of Scranton during the summer. Life was still going on, but at a much slower pace. Any other noises would come from the aforementioned Zoo, but mostly from the bird exhibit. Macaws and Peacocks would constantly shriek and call out throughout the days and late in the evening. I never quite grew accustomed to those sounds because they were always foreign and unexpected in the super city.

           The time I would spend in the Inmaculada before and after exploring the city with my community mate was a time to order my life and for calm reflection. This was both good and bad because I would have a lot of time on my hands to think about why I am here, which was a frustrating question to ask. I felt that I was just wasting my time and struggled to understand what this time in Lima really meant. I was at odds with my community mate on how to navigate the city. I struggled with the value of simple living after paying for three months’ worth of stipend for PeruHop. I wanted to start working and although I recognized that I would (eventually) appreciate my time adjusting into Peruvian life, but that didn’t make going through it any easier. Interior conflict and resentment was a brewin’ and what I needed was some spiritual direction.

           I found that during those times I would write and converse with the Jesuit brothers and priests who stayed in the Inmaculada to reorient myself. I discovered much life and joy within the Jesuit milieu in the mornings around the dining room. It was a time that I would chat with my new source of inspiration and passion for food, Olga. I would always cook an egg in the kitchen so that I could preview what was to come for lunch and hear about her life in Venezuela. I also noticed the routines and particularities of some of the Jesuits. One Jesuit would always have a fruit, perhaps a granadia or a sliced apple, while reading the paper. Another would always ask Olga for an over easy egg. As she would make his egg, he would toast a slice of bread, spread butter and pour olive oil, made from the Inmaculada’s own olive trees, onto his toast. Quite a unique way to do breakfast, but my community mate learned another way to spread butter!

Everyone had a routine and I realized that it was something that I longed for myself. I began asking them about their lives and roles in Lima. Some Jesuits were simply passing through, while others were more permanent residents working within the schools in the area. I really enjoyed my time with the director of the Inmaculada, Father Oscar. He was the parish priest who originally brought JVC to Andahuaylillas. I also enjoyed speaking with Monsignor Alfredo Vizcarra, the bishop in Jaen. His story was particularly interesting because he was sent to work in Chad, where he founded 17 Fe y Alegria schools. He had no particular desire or interest to go to Chad, but that is where he was sent, and he was able to make a difference there. Monsignor Vizcarra told me that although his mission had many successes, the journey was not without any challenges or failures. In that moment, I related to this because I hadn’t clicked particularly with any of my community mates. Perhaps I wasn’t as open to the experience to learn and grow within the JV community as I had once thought…

 “Hidden in the high thin notes of her wild music is her longing for love…”

 This was an experience of God; a chord was faintly being played that I recognized, something I could hum along to. The initial feelings that I had when I was called to enter this JV experience resurfaced and I felt renewed to be challenged as a person to grow for and with others. The sound that beckoned me brought with it much excitement and fear. It was a call to be more able to find God in all things. In that conversation with Alfredo, I had also asked him about his motivations for joining the Jesuits. He told me that he was called early on in life, but with a well-maintained prayer life and dialogue with God, he found solace as he left his studies of law for the Jesuits.

As he continued to speak, I questioned and began revisiting my faith life and relationship to God. Was what I had only a technical or academic sense of faith? Do I really believe that I am a Catholic? Can I say confidently that I own my faith, that I have a relationship and prayer life with God? I realized that the answer wasn’t clear just yet. Up until that point I realized that I didn’t have a defined and clear relationship with God. I don’t know if anyone ever does reach a constant state of nirvana, but I felt that perhaps I wasn’t even trying. I merely appreciated what the Catholic faith life had added to my life. Sunday masses helped provide an orientation for my life one week at a time. Ignatian Spirituality appealed to me because of its intellectual approach to faith and life. It was as if I was stuck with only talking about Faith, God and sharing stories and reflections of my life without ever being clear that God was at the center of it all.

 “At the gate of my heart…is her longing for love…longing, longing to be invited in…”

I didn’t believe in the faith with all my heart. I saw its goodness and potential, but I was not ready to accept it. This was the challenge for which I felt called to face during my time here in Peru. It was also a call to see God in other people as well. I realized something surprising about myself during this reflective period. I had been used to taking on the responsible, big brother role within my family and I was beginning to show some of that with my community mate at times. I had come into this volunteer experience with expectations and desires for what I wanted a Jesuit volunteer to be. Naturally, when those expectations weren’t met, I was going to be inevitably frustrated. I had not given myself or my community mate the space to discover this new world and chapter in our lives. It wasn’t fair of me to do that, and it is something that I have slowly been improving on.

My conversations with the Jesuits and my brief experiences of prayer after that night gave me something more focused to work on; To be truly open to witnessing and hearing God’s call to not only love others, but to allow myself to accept the ways in which others want to love me. I hope that with time and effort, I can continue to explore and renew the commitment to a healthy and holistic relationship with God. To nurture a relationship with the God that is always there, the God that is always beckoning us to let Him in, even when and where we least expect it.

“Is this the real life? Is this just Fantasy? Caught in a landslide, no escape from reality. Open your eyes, look up to the sky and see...”

 Gypsy Music (Or what I call “God’s Bohemian Rhapsody”)

“God is a gypsy who plays her violin

At the gate of my heart.

Hidden in the high thin notes of her wild music

is her longing for love.

She plays her rhapsody

Until the tears come… longing, longing to be invited in.”

-        Sr. Lou Ella Hickman

A group of international PeruHop friends after winning Trivia Pictured (Left to Right): Jenz (Our Danish sugar daddy who paid for our drinks) Jary (Holland Native who came for Peru’s international car derby Dakar, Also loves Chipotle more than anyone I know even though he’s only been there once), Jack (An Australian student just traveling and balling on a budget) Me (Inhaling to look decent in the apparently medium sized shirt) Phyllis (My community mate who killed the celebrity part of Trivia) Margerite (German free spirit who was such a kind soul)

Me trying to imagine and pose for a cute couple’s picture. Cat has to send me a picture of her sitting on some steps so I can photoshop her in. (Also I wonder what was going on with the couple behind me. I’d like to think that I captured a cute moment of them)

The view from the Olive Cerro at the Inmaculada. It was cloudy but a spectacular view nonetheless

Links to Photos:

Lima: https://photos.app.goo.gl/HnVHCALVR6naKB7s6

PeruHop Adventures: https://photos.app.goo.gl/rpkFB8eWsf677aUB8

[lewigm-blog]

Newsletter 2: To be (consoled) or not to be (consoled) that is the question…

San Pedro de Apostal Iglesia, Andahuaylillas, Peru. Yes, I celebrate mass here regularly, it is aesthetic to say the least Published January 21, 2019

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?” (Matthew 6:25-34)

*Full reading can be found here

 Folks,

I am writing to you all after being on “retreat” in Peru’s capital, Lima! I put retreat in quotes because I had to go through the grueling and time-consuming process of becoming a Peruvian resident, but the rest of my time here will be to explore the wonders of the bustling city of Lima. I thought that I would have a bit more time to write while I was still in Andahuaylillas, but with the New Year and all its celebrations, this comes to you late. With that in mind, I will focus on the last part of my in-country orientation in Anda. These next few weeks are part of the what my second-year community mates call the end of “The Honeymoon Phase.”

Since arriving, I have had several introductions (and re-introductions) with those involved in Fe y Alegria 44, the school I will be working in, those from La Parroquia, or the local parish, and several of the residents in Andahuaylillas. I feel that I am following closely my original intention of walking and doing as they do here in Peru, which includes trying Chicha Morada, a fermented corn drink, dancing and singing along with to the Cholitos song at a wedding, and participating in the consumption of Cuy, or Guinea Pig. From what I’ve already seen (and eaten), I believe that Anda will have a place for me with what it has already shown me!

To highlight some of those potential places or roles, I have found an opportunity to join the church band who call themselves “The Rony’s” to enhance improve on my guitar skills and learn how Andean liturgy is structured. There is also a unique role in which a Spanish person is coming in to coordinate and develop an Ignatian Sports program in which physical (and spiritual) exercises are united and inculcated through the medium of sports, namely fútbol. I have also recently had a 4-hour evaluation meeting with a Jesuit coworker which gave me a quick overview of the school year and an idea for things to come. It seems that many of the values learned from my time with the Jesuit Center, Campus Ministry retreat teams and on the Fell Charter school board will be essential and alive here! With my role still being defined, I really feel that I am able to make this time and experience my own, feeding those hungers and talents mentioned in the last newsletter.

           While there have been a number of moments of consolation, there have also been moments of desolation during this transition. When I speak of consolation and desolation, I use the definitions offered by Dean Brackley’s Discernment in Troubled Times. Consolation refers to the peace and joy that arises from our center and affects our interior state as a whole. It isn’t just about the temporary “good feelings” that can comfort us, but rather a long-lasting feeling that can release new energies, widen our vision, and direct us beyond ourselves. The opposite is true of desolation, which is much more negative and destructive, ultimately draining us of energy and hope.

This was a theme presented on our transitions retreat in the region of La May in the Sacred Valley just a few hours away from Cusco. It might seem early to start writing about consolation and desolation, but I felt that this should serve as a rather key theme in the time since last writing to you all. It is something I had thought about previously, but no amount of pre-country counsel or preparation can account for everything in-country. One of the readings from our transitions retreat was from Matthew 6: 25-34, which is about our concern and worry for things that God will provide. After having a few weeks of in-country observation, I know that my “needs” with respect to life and the four pillars of JVC (Spirituality, Social Justice, Simple Living and Community) will be challenged and redefined, but that is part of the process of learning to trust more in God. The three main experiences that I will share regarding consolation and desolation are titled capitalism abroad, community defined, and developing boundaries. I believe that with these three themes, I can best give an idea of a few of the personal struggles, success and hopes I have during the rest of my time here in Peru!

 Capitalism Abroad: Among the things that was brought from the States were habits of materialism and capitalism. At odds with the core JVC pillar of simple living, materialism continues to be a constant temptation in my life. This was true especially leading up to my departure as I made several purchases of outdoor wear, teacher’s materials and self-care items. I tried to be as intentional as possible in organizing myself, but those financial habits didn’t completely go away as smoothly as I had expected. With our humble monthly stipend of only 60 US dollars, those temptations to splurge on meals, luxury items and experiences would be tested.

           For context, it is important to mention that currently a single US dollar is equivalent to about 3.37 soles (Peruvian Currency). Initially, I was consistent in my frugal approach for the entirety of December as I had only spent a single sol on six freshly baked loaves of bread. Then we decided to make a trip to Cusco on the 24th of December, where thousands of people were walking throughout the Plaza for the annual Christmas market. I brought with me only 40 soles and told myself that I would only walk around at first to get a sense of the area. If, and only IF, I was blown away by a good would I consider the purchase. This was challenged as our group walked past scores of llama wool sweatshirts, handcrafted Inca-Spanish themed chess sets, chocolate sweets and much more. (Pictured in the google photos album)

           Present around me was a beautiful chaos of hundreds of vendors in the plaza, as both formal and informal stands auctioned off panoplies of goods and services. There were hordes of people maneuvering at different paces and directions being caught in a zombie-like trance by the color of textiles, the smells of burning incense and the shouts of street vendors grabbing one’s attention with their invitations talking to you as a close friend might. There is a rush or excitement of being on the hunt for something that you didn’t know you wanted at the mall or online especially during the holiday season. It is really amazing the ways in which we rationalize a potential purchase by telling ourselves that our friend or family member would LOVE an item. “Of course, they would appreciate this gift” you tell yourself, while perhaps subconsciously thinking about how you would appreciate a gift from someone SO thoughtful and SO caring. Well, I certainly had these thoughts surface, realizing how quickly one can get caught up in this way of thinking.

While searching for a good deal is what shopping and markets are about, there is a challenge in trying to be mindful of the work and livelihood of the people selling their merchandise. I noticed the interesting reality of the vendors on foot who sell products and services such as fruit drinks, selfie sticks or massages or tours. I am sure that people have come ALL the way to Cusco without having coordinated with a local tour agency and conveniently was seeking the exact service the foot vendors provided. I wondered to myself “Who would ever buy that, and even if they did, how much would these vendors need to sell to really make a profit? How can this be done effectively if there is another street vendor selling the same item a few feet away?” This sharply contrasted the experience of more established vendors had protected stands who were comfortable losing a sale to me because they know that in a few minutes someone else will come along.

Behind and off to the side were the vendors who were from different campamentos or rural outskirts of town. One of these areas had for sale various Nacimientos or Nativity scenes fashioned out of natural elements. Some were better than others, but generally they were not all interesting enough to attract a great deal of people. In this area were families who had brought their young children in in dilapidated clothing, who were eating with rotting teeth as their mothers struggled to make a sale. There was a look of despair and. at times. indifference in the faces of these mothers. It was almost as if coming to Cusco was a waste of time and they wondered how everything would turn out.

This stirred in me a frustration because whatever the education and economic systems that were in place did not allow for these groups of people to live comfortably. How is it that there is so much corruption over years of there being a “democratic” system in place? It was disheartening to think about especially seeing the number of children in this section and reading and seeing news outlets report on widespread corruption throughout Peru. The involvement of bigger established companies such as PeruHop, Uber and other chains absolutely crush these small vendors selling their products as well, but I think I should save more of my social justice rant for the next newsletter.

Overall, this theme of capitalism abroad came up several times during Christmas time, but what gave me some hope and consolation was that with all this tourism created an increased demand for people to work in hoteleria or the service profession. At the parish in Andahuaylillas, there is a program specifically training young people who do not attend university that teaches them specific trades. The people in these programs are genuinely proud of the services that they provide. It tells me that slowly people are bettering their own lives. This change is slow, but steady and I can’t wait to see just how some of these folks end up.

Overall this is the challenge that I have in living simply in another country. I suppose I could stay disheartened by the current state of affairs, but I think I realized that I need to rethink the way I understand this problem. While things are very challenging for some families, there are good things that are coming out of it. There seems to be an overwhelmingly sense of community, support and comaraderie amongst the people here. I remember sitting and watching the fiesta of the 77th year anniversary of Andahuaylillas and seeing the Peruvian tradition of sharing in a large Inca Cola soda or Cusqueña beer. One would open a bottle and then with two or three cups each take turns passing and sharing in the drink. It is an interesting way in which everyone shares in a single cup of drink and allows for everyone to have a bit of a sweet drink. Before anyone is passed a cup, the bottle opener pours out a little bit of drink onto the floor so that way Pachamama, or mother earth, has a bit to drink before anyone else. This sense of gratitude for what the earth has provided is expressed constantly and might give us all something to think about.

 Establishing Boundaries

“When his parents saw him, they were astonished, and his mother said to him, “Son, why have you done this to us? Your father and I have been looking for you with great anxiety.” And he said to them, “Why were you looking for me? Did you not know that I must be in my Father’s house?” But they did not understand what he said to them. He went down with them and came to Nazareth, and was obedient to them;” Luke 2: 41-52

This is the December 30th reading from Luke 2: 41-52. I believe that this account is about a young Jesus and His temporary disappearance from Mary and Joseph. A relevant reading for this time because I realized that I did just leave my home and, perhaps like Jesus, had failed to discuss a few things with my parents, namely boundaries. In-country I have had to detach more from some of the comforts of friends and family, but I haven’t forgotten them. While I am learning from many great teachers here, I still have some duties to my parents at home. This proved to be especially challenging with the Christmas season.

           The holidays can be a challenge for families as they tended to travel together to meet under one roof in close quarters for an extended period of time. I am sure you may be able to relate on some level, but my family seemed to be particularly dramatic during the holidays, especially after my departure. While I don’t have frequent internet access, I am aware that I need to stay in touch make efforts to converse with them when I can. I made my rounds via phone calls and WhatsApp on Christmas Eve and resented it a bit afterwards. My time “catching up” was essentially equivalent to slowly downloading and watching half a season of a Spanish Telenovela and there was nothing that I could really do about it except listen. It became a chore as I would randomly stop listening and it became a game of “Uh huh, yeah, Oh really, Hmm.” Bill Burr does an excellent stand up bit with this in You People Are All the Same when he realizes he has droned out his wife for too long and she changes the pitch of her voice. He realizes that she changed it because she had asked him question, so he goes with a neutral “Eh well, what are you gonna do? It is what it is.” And just like that he makes it through! (Starts at minute 24:00 but the link starts where you can contextualize the joke.)

Is this what I have become? An empty shell just deflecting every so often with someone I was talking to? I was hoping to be energized by my family during this time, but all I felt was desolation and frustration. How could they not be more understanding of my position here in Peru? They expected the same amount of attention, and in some cases more! Although I was frustrated, I understood where it was all coming from. I had left an integral role within my immediate family and it was a space that wasn’t going to be filled easily. Although I struggled with the idea initially of what life for my family would be like without me, I went back to the quote mentioned in our transitions retreat (Matthew 6:25-34).

           I realized with this passage that life would go on without me, I just need to have more faith that all will work out for the best. I came back from the Parish WIFI (as we don’t have internet access at home) into community a bit stressed out. What brought me back into consolation was the comfort that I wasn’t the only one going through a similar longing to be with family. In fact, I had 5 other people in my JV Community going through the same thing. This, along with baking Christmas cookies and creating our own stockings helped me during this challenging time. Christmas Day we were invited by a past volunteer, Sam Hayes, and his Andahuaylayan wife, Lily, for a Christmas lunch. Everything was wonderfully prepared at their home and we got to understand and hear about a past JV’s experience. The power even went out, which for some might be an inconvenience, but served as a blessing because I was able to disconnect from all else and simply be with my community.

           I realized how strange it can be to have one foot in Peru, while having another back in the States. I think that I am growing more comfortable with the idea of my family without me, because life does go on and because at one point or another I won’t be available for them and that is okay. I think that I just really need to create a space for myself in which I can recover and let my family know what that means to me. I realized that by not letting them know, I am not only hurting them by growing resentful, but I am also taking away from who I can be for community as well. Truly this is a worthwhile cause, but a difficult one as well.

 Community Defined (Part 1)

One of the areas in which I felt that I would be challenged most greatly as a Jesuit volunteer was community. There are many reasons for this, but quite frankly one of my greatest fears was being paired up with a community mate that came here for what I deem “the wrong reasons.” I have had several previous experiences and group projects in which I had someone in my cohort that was completely disinterested in the work or task at hand, or at least that’s how it was perceived. Some of you may very well know which (international) experiences I am referring to, but I digress. Even still, I was aware of the possibility that my community may not be what I expect or that we might not get along perfectly at first and this is experience was no exception.

           The way that I wanted to approach the community aspect of my JV experience was that it would be a sort of an arranged marriage for two years. What I believe to be one of the most important elements in any marriage is that love is at its core and all parties need to constantly revisit how this is expressed and defined within the arrangement. I think I knew this to be the case from the moment I met my incoming JV community mate. We weren’t part of the same crowd or had many common interests, but I was okay with that. What mattered was that we were here to serve others and grow together in our new community.

Initially it was a challenge, but I am now beginning to see how our differences can form many of strengths. By having two different approaches and mindset towards what the life of a Jesuit volunteer in Peru is like, we can share those gifts with each other and future volunteers to come. While I personally wouldn’t focus on the “things to do in Anda” or household amenities such as hot showers or access to internet, these are things that my community mate could help ease and clarify for incoming volunteers that are more on the fence about this experience. This sounded wonderful in theory, but to truly surrender to that was a much harder process to trust. I struggled with these concerns mostly because I have been preparing myself for this experience for two years, and I know that my level of attachment (or detachment) from these things is notably different from most. I would learn this much more greatly in Lima, but I will save those details for later.

During this “Honeymoon Phase” of our time in Peru, there were three moments in which I began to understand the gifts of community. The first moment involves a Christmas retreat, the second a despedida, or going-away party, for a second year Jesuit Volunteer. The final moment involves a Jesuit from the Midwest providence who helped foster a very impromptu house flash mob.

           *Said in Spanish “…What is it about ourselves, or what we think we see in others, that makes it so difficult to find Jesus in others?” This is the question that stuck with me from our mini-retreat in Urcos at the Saint Peter Claver parish. Our in-country coordinator, Father Gonzalo, gave us an excellent retreat that revolved around the idea of trying to figure out who Jesus was for us and the personal challenge in seeing Him in others. I can’t exactly recall if it was Father Gonzalo or Father James Martin who said it, but I can only strongly remember thinking to myself during this time “We are all called to be disciples of Christ, but we don’t get to choose who those Disciples are.” What a moving statement! This, for me, summarizes why community can be so challenging.

           The temptation to judge others quickly can ensnare and prevent any possibility of one being surprised by others. After having only been in Peru for two weeks, I had already boxed in and defined what these JVC values and others meant to me. I did not allow any room for change and that was a very isolating and draining feeling. I struggled much during this time because I had an expectation that we would all be in what I call a baseline standard or agreement as to how we might begin to live out our values as a community. I still struggle letting that thought go and surrendering because I was under the impression that with a two-year commitment, we would have considered these values seriously. Truthfully, I didn’t allow myself to move into what we can ALL consider community because I wanted community to be done my way. In retrospect, I see that I wanted to immediately have conversations as to what OUR new community would be, and I longed for something that wasn’t the main focus during my orientation in country. I had to simply be open to seeing Jesus in others rather than magnifying the areas where our more human and errored ways are apparent. It is much more of a challenge to see people as Jesus would as I continue to learn. It takes time and moments that are out of our comfort zone to realize this.

           I suppose it is hard to see Jesus in others if you literally haven’t had enough time to get to know Him. Such was the case with the departure of our second-year community mate, Karla. Karla’s Despedida was quite a challenging time for us as incoming volunteers because we couldn’t empathize with others in the community because we haven’t had time to form a close bond. I had shared a few conversations with Karla during La Misa the first Monday here, a Chocolatada in Urubamba, and a late-night post-spirituality chat.

           What gave us some more clarity and understanding of Karla and community generally was Karla’s despedida. It was a night of celebration for all the work done, relationships built, and provided us 1st year volunteers understand what an impact one can have in a short two years. There were a great deal of community members present from all over Quispicanchi and it made the spacious auditorium seem incapable of hosting so many. So much dancing, laughing and reminiscing was shared and it was topped off with a special mariachi band serenade! It was in the dancing that I began to see the gifts of my community mate. She had an energy that added to the joy already present in the room. I knew that I certainly wasn’t the main impetus for getting people out of their chairs! It gave us both something to look forward to and I think it was necessary early on to see community in this way.

Taylor Fulkerson, SJ was another character who helped bring this out an amazing aura of understanding, compassion and levity to our community that was much needed. I approached the early part of our experience a bit more serious that I would have liked, and Taylor reminded me of the power of joy, laughter and silliness. While we had shared a few intentional reflection spaces and discussions while in the Sacred Valley, we also learned to enjoy ourselves as we rewatched the classic John Tucker Must Die movie; and how we cried with laughter as we improvised an argumentative dinner scene complete with Jersey accents between a fictitious Mikey Scheroli and his sister, whose overtly Italian name escapes me now.

It is moments such as these that truly brings out and shapes community and it is a hard thing to describe. Perhaps the best moment that brought us all together occurred on December 18th with Brittany and Lulu’s (our new second year volunteers) one-year anniversary dessert celebration. We were concluding our time with Taylor with a final dinner together. I remember that we had a delicious dinner and our second-year volunteers, Ghipsel and Karla, had surprised Lulu and Brittany with a Chai cake. For some reason or another we decided to start playing dance songs over the speaker and what happened next was a beautiful blend of theatrical dance and instrumentals.

The fluorescent lighting in our house seemed to be holding us back, so we turned off the lights for the cake candles. Something in me wanted for us to see each other a bit more so I quickly ran upstairs to grab a few more candles and flashlights and passed them out. We used them to create a personal light show as each of our sources of light shined differently, I guess you could say literally and figuratively. A few members of our community began clinging silverware and plates, while others sing along to a variety of pop culture classics such as N-Syncs Bye, Bye, Bye and Chris Brown’s Forever. In this moment, we each put into this moment our own accent to OUR community and something that we will all remember. (See videos in Google Photos Album)

This reminded me of another similar time during my orientation when our Internatioal group “performed” and did Karaoke to Abba’s Dancing Queen. I don’t know how we were signed up to go first, but it left us with all of 10 minutes to rehearse. We all came together, and we presented for all of the JVC staff and domestic volunteers an amazing show. The video is also in the Google Photos Album if you would like to see it. Yes, it might seem ridiculous to outsiders looking in, but this was what made our community what it is; a beautiful, diverse cohort of individuals looking to serve others and be served, while having fun. It has helped me be much more open to moments of consolation rather than desolation.

Fin

           Thank you for making it through those 13 or so pages. I appreciate your interest and hope that we can keep and stay in touch every so often through this medium! Any, and I mean any, comments questions or critiques are greatly appreciated. I have been trying to stay on top of things while they are moving but at times, life moves too quickly for me to be able to write about it. The next newsletter will hopefully be done within the next two weeks. I have been writing, editing, and revisiting both newsletters at the same time so keeping within my “set” timeline is difficult.

I DO have a request from you all, however. After writing about my time of much needed levity and joy with Taylor, I would like for you to share with me an anecdote(s) or a moment(s) these past few weeks that made you take life a little bit less seriously. I think that it would be a great exercise in reflecting on these moments, but also so that I can hear some more about your lives as well!

Peace,

Luis

On the left: Andahuaylillas, Peru; On the right: An exhausted Luis Melgar sitting on top of Coriorco Mountain after a 5-hour hike (Elevation: 4,300 meters/14,000 ft.)

San Pedro de Apostal Iglesia, Andahuaylillas, Peru. Yes, I celebrate mass here regularly, it is aesthetic to say the least

Note to self: Don’t share any remotely suggestive photos of you holding other people’s hands that aren’t Cat’s to Kayla and especially not Aly.

Readings, links and Google Photos Link

Matthew 6:25-34 here

Luke 2: 41-52

Bill Burr Clip (Link to video Starts at 23:09 for context and minute 24:00 for the quote. I suggest watching the special)

Google Photos link: https://photos.app.goo.gl/HvHRqVjV7soEPkfe9

[lewigm-blog]

Newsletter 1: And we’re off!

Published December 17, 2018

“For it is like a man going abroad, who called his servants and handed over his goods to them. And to one he gave five talents, to another two, and to the other one, each according to his particular ability, and then he went on his journey… For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me…” (Matthew 25:14-46).

*Full reading here

http://www.usccb.org/bible/matthew/25

http://usccb.org/bible/readings/121017.cfm

  Folks, I have officially arrived at my new home in Andahuaylillas, Peru! These past few weeks have been hectic with holiday preparations, intense academic work, and finding time for yourselves, but I hope that this email finds you well. First off, I hope that these monthly newsletters becomes a way for all of you who have accompanied me these past few years to follow along in my journey in Peru. All of you have played an integral role in my formation and I hope that this serves as a means for you all to hear more about where I am in this journey! This will be a literary project for myself and I hope to maintain it on a monthly basis. With that being said, any input, comments or suggestions are more than welcome! Also please share with me any interesting articles and readings that you come across because I need to stay sharp! Also if any there is another email you would like me to use, please share that with me.

This month, I would like to use the theme of Jesus’ Parable of the Talents and the Sheep and the Goats in Matthew 25:14-46 to organize some of my thoughts for this letter. Please read the verses carefully in order to help orient you and provide context. As many of you know, I have been meeting with many friends and family members these past few months and sharing a bit about why you matter to me. While attempting to connect this time to an overarching theme, I found that the Parable of the Talents and the Judgement of Nations’ story seems most relevant. I am using this passage because all of you have had some role in refining and developing my “talents” and “feeding me when I was hungry” (both literally speaking and figuratively, but more so literally with guest swipes and dinners). Many of you have helped me work through problems with conversation, helpful guidance or by simply offering up your active presence, which have in turn helped me to grow and mature. These are the moments in which you have met me at a most appropriate time helping me discern what exactly it was that I “hungered” for. Perhaps even more importantly, some of you have helped me to distinguish that hunger and passion I had from mere “appetite” in order to refine my palate so to speak. Through our relationship, I have been able to seek out those talents that have been stowed away, focus on the gifts that I had left undeveloped and improve my awareness of the temptations that can have them grow faint and distant. After careful reflection and suggestion on your end, I am entering into this volunteer experience confident and aware that I am exactly where need to be. This of course was not due to a few interactions and commentaries, but rather a collection of moments of the Spirit constantly working through us together! For that I am grateful for you all!

           There are three specific moments leading up to my departure in which I have found the grace of the Spirit to be alive and true with regards to these passages; the first being my interactions with an Uber driver Hector and with the Avianca worker who allowed me to somehow board the plane with all of this (See the google photos album for the luggage picture). The significance of my departure date being the Feast of the Immaculate Conception is another example as well. Lastly, I will share with you my experience at “La Misa” this past Monday.

Reaffirmed and helped by strangers: My encounter with Hector in Jersey City was a brief one, but one of great importance. While on a family visit with my girlfriend, Cat, we began discussing the nature of our visit with our Uber driver. After sharing that we were both planning on serving two years in Peru, he surprised us by telling us that he did a 31 month stretch in Peru himself! We were shocked to say the least and did not want that ride to end because we began probing him about his experience and any other wisdom he had to share. It was a very interesting experience given that Cat was preparing to leave for Peru the following Friday, and he shared with us that this experience would, as they say in the Jesuit Volunteer Corps, ruin us for life (or dare us to change for the kosher JVC friends out there). This moment of shared camaraderie and experience abroad helped reaffirm my decision to come to Perú, as it did for Cat.

What I believe was perhaps divine intervention was my encounter with a woman who worked for Avianca. Now, I know that typically stories involving airlines don’t usually have a lighthearted and good ending, but this was a different case. Just hours before my flight, I had to nervously repack and structure all of my luggage because I was apparently overweight. I had to figure out what I truly needed from what I had just wanted to bring. One of those items was a guitar that was gifted to me for my trip. I questioned whether it would be considered an extra personal item or an expensive checked bag, if it would be left behind, or even worse, taken by airport customs and security. I had just about come to terms with everything regarding my trip except the packing and organizing of all my belongings for this two-year experience. I had decided to simply put on all my extra clothes that I needed on my persons and go for it. This is what I look like with 5 pairs of pants and 4 jackets looks like. (Refer to the Google Photos Album)

Once we got into the airport, I waited tediously and uncomfortably in the never-ending lines. At the Avianca check-in center, I wondered was if all my training in sneaking food and drinks into the Cinnemark movie theater would translate well at the John F. Kennedy Airport. After allowing me to take a few extra pounds over free of charge, I had simply walked away with my guitar as if I had done it a thousand times before. BUT my conscious and anxiety thinking about the worst-case scenarios crept up on me. I felt that I had done something wrong and so I (perhaps foolishly) went back to the woman and asked her if the guitar was enough of a personal item… and she said promptly said yes and hurried me off! I felt an amazing sense of comfort in her human response and I felt that she recognized that if she was in my shoes, perhaps she would’ve wanted to hear the same thing. She may have also just been overwhelmed at work as it was and thought it would be too much of a hassle to process everything again, but I’ll stick to my original narrative and believe in humanity for a change!

Both encounters were moments of grace that left me wondering exactly why those two people helped me out. I felt that perhaps was another sign telling me “Keep going on, there’s much more for you to be focused on!” At any rate, I am grateful for the kindness shared by both people.

Feast Days: Although I don’t keep a close eye on the Liturgical calendar, a few of you mentioned that December 8th was the Feast of the Immaculate Conception. I found it quite interesting that my departure fell on this day because it gave me insight into how my mother must have been feeling from the day that I told her that I was to become a volunteer.

It isn’t the easiest thing to hear that your eldest son, a first-generation Salvadoran American, is deciding to take two years voluntarily to serve the poor further south than one’s native country of El Salvador. I’m sure that Mary wasn’t exactly sure what to think when God came to her and Joseph telling them “Yes, you will have a child and He will be the Savior of mankind!” In fact, I am almost certain that this is exactly the opposite thing you would want to tell any new parents, let alone recently immigrated parents. But my mother has only shown me the unconditional love she has always had for me and supported my decision, knowing well that this might mean infrequent communication and the uncertainty that comes with letting any child leave the nest over 3,000 miles away. I have been truly blessed with my mother and with all the opportunities she sacrificed so much of herself for, but I know that my mom has faith that this will all turn out well for me so long as I call her every so often and remind her of the Jose Saramago quote that has helped her through this experience (Pictured with translation in the Google Photos Album)

La Misa: Finally, we reach the “La Misa” or The Monday Mass moment. This was my final “sign” in reaffirming my decision to join the Jesuit Volunteer Corps. To provide some context, La Misa is a weekly tradition that the volunteers in Andahuaylillas and a number of Parish and Fe y Alegria workers come together to share a meal and have an intimate mass in someone’s home. It is a longstanding tradition to have mass inside homes when physical spaces of worship such as churches or temples are limited. Padre Gonzalo, our in-country coordinator, shared a beautiful homily at the Jesuit residence in Urcos about the December 10th readings. He focused on our ability to recognize our limitedness as humans to be self-fulfilling and whole and ask God for help. Currently in Andahuaylillas there is a two-week long drought that has left many farmers and workers out of money and food. Each evening at around 6 o’clock, there is a rogativo walk through the streets of Anda in which families and children pray and cry out for rain. It is a truly moving experience to witness how the people here express their faith in times of hardship. Another moving reading that week was in Mark’s gospel reading (Mk 1:1-8) as an image of an austere and simply dressed John the Baptist is shared. He says,

"One mightier than I is coming after me. I am not worthy to stoop and loosen the thongs of his sandals. I have baptized you with water; he will baptize you with the Holy Spirit."

 This reading and imagery connected with me on a few levels. First, is John the Baptist and his task at hand. He recognizes the goodness in obeying God’s will and mission for him but understands that he isn’t the ONE who will make the greatest impact on the world. For him, it is Jesus who will do that, and I feel that I can relate. I could say that I am in Peru to change the lives of many here in Andahuaylillas, but that isn’t necessarily true, or even a task that I should place on solely myself. I must trust that goodness will come out of the faith of people themselves and allow myself to accept that this change will not happen by my own hands, but on the good will and faith of God and the Spirit working through me. I can try to change people all I want, but if they are not ready and open to that, then I can only hope that one day it will happen.

The second note is the physical appearance of John the Baptist. Being that we have in our four JVC values, the pillar of simple living, I thought it was interesting that John the Baptist only wore and ate what was necessary for his mission. Although I tried very hard to bring as much as I thought was needed, I recognize the importance of this approach to mission. I had to have a bit more faith that I need not worry too much about clothing, food and water as much as I thought, but have faith that with some preparation, I will have what is needed for my journey here.

In many ways I see this will and call to ask for God’s grace and guidance for these next two years in my own life as I see it in others. God is always asking of us to call out to him and seek forgiveness, love and orientation in our lives. I believe that my desire and thirst for this wisdom and vocation into service and faith has been quenched by His love and Spirit working through each and every one of you. You ALL have so many gifts to offer others and you willingly share that in the ways you have been there for me and live your lives. I only hope that I can model that for others here and have the humility to learn that from the Peruanos here as well; To recognize those that hunger and thirst for more, to hone my talents, both hidden and apparent, for the greater glory of God.

Peace,

Luis

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