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idealisticrealism · 7 months ago

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TCL 3x06 thoughts (and many feelings)

Well, as expected, this ep basically broke my heart into a million tiny pieces- but still, they really did give Arman the best send-off that they could given the circumstances, and I’m so, so grateful for it.

Breaking the recap up a bit differently this week because I have a lot to say about everyone lol

But of course, I have to start with my beloved boy Arman, and Armony. I always knew that this ep was going to break me, and man, they didn’t waste any time doing it… less than 4 mins in and the tears were already flowing from hearing him saying the Reloj line, because seriously, knowing that this was his one chance to pass on a message to the people in his life, and that he chose that??? God it was powerful seeing Nadia and the others incorrectly assuming the message simply meant that he was running out of time, vs seeing Thony's jaw clench on hearing it because she knew the truth, knew that it was meant for her alone. In some ways, it was a “I think my time is up and I'm the one leaving forever in the morning, and that's okay” kind of message, but it was also a “this is me telling you I love you, because I never got the chance before”, and a “no matter what they do to me, in my mind I'm there, dancing with you by the fire.” No wonder she reaches for a beer the moment she gets home, knowing that there’s the chance she will be able to hold him in her arms again in only a matter of hours, but not being able to do anything to make it happen except just sit and wait for news. Well, at least until the moment she sees the report and understands Dante’s involvement, and then there’s no holding back anymore, no more trusting others to save him. Her blind determination to go find him and bring him home is exactly like how she acted when Luca was dying or when Fi was deported; it’s the way she always responds when someone she loves desperately needs her, and I love that Arman is so clearly in that category. (Okay gotta break this up bc of Tumblr's character limit lol)

Anyway ugh the entire time she was at the apartments I could feel my heart in my throat, because god, she got so close. (Oh and the way she instantly recognised the jacket and then knew with a single sniff that it was his?? Help???). But anyway ugh when the kid pointed them to the apartment, and she saw him right there through the window, only for him to be stolen away again in the mere couple of minutes it took her to get back around to the apartment’s front door.... Ughhh these two have been star-crossed from the start, but it was so hard to watch the final acts of their tragedy unfolding. I'll never be over the fact that for days, he was kept in a haze of drugs and pain, and yet we (and Thony!) know from his message that he spent that time thinking of her, escaping his reality by living in the moments they’d shared. And her own drug-induced hallucination of him was equally heartbreaking… god, to see her be so honest and unreserved in the way she looked at him and held him and spoke to him ("I’m gonna take you home, I'm never gonna let you go again”)... like damn, in that moment we really got to see the unfiltered, uninhibited truth of her feelings for him, the truth she never got to tell him and that he never got to hear.

But still, I’d like to think that he knew it anyway, especially when he saw her there in that car– saw that she had come for him, that she was trying so hard to save him, even at risk to herself. (Naturally I wish that we could have had his real face for that heart-wrenching moment of goodbye, but it was close enough, and when it comes down to it, that moment was still truly Arman and Thony no matter what). And while I’m sure Arman would have wished that he could live, that he could have stayed and built a life with her, we also saw multiple indications in the past 2 seasons that Arman knew and accepted that an early death was likely for him, if not practically inevitable, just like it had been for Mateo and Carlos and Bosco. And so for him to get to go out on his own terms, and in the act of saving Thony? It was exactly the death that he would have wanted. (On first watch I was sobbing too hard to notice that he didn't just knock the gun away and cause chaos in the car, he actually also grabbed the wheel and deliberately drove them off the cliff, meaning he truly chose for himself how he met his death). Honestly, it was literally the exact kind of ending I'd been predicting for him ever since s1– both the culmination of his hero arc, and also the ultimate fulfillment of his vow to protect her. I'm so, so thankful that he got to have that, got to go out fast and painlessly and like the hero he was, rather than dying in the hangar or alone in that grungy apartment, and I’m even more thankful that he got to see her one last time, got to have that final goodbye with her. He died knowing she loved him and never gave up on him, and knowing that his death would ensure she got to live on; and for him, that would have been everything. And as devastating as it was to see Thony on her knees on the cliff, staring up into the sky as everything faded into white and El Reloj began to play... it was also heartbreakingly beautiful- seeing them dancing together again truly felt like getting a glimpse into his heaven, like it was telling us 'This is where he is now. This is where he'll always be"- and though it'll still always hurt to have lost him, I can be at peace with that.

(Though ngl, this ep was full of 'if onlys' that are going to haunt both us and Thony forever... If only Chris hadn't blocked the toilet today of all days. If only Thony had called a different plumber. If only JD's friend hadn't gotten him the arrest report. If only Ramona hadn't put a tail on Thony that caused her and Fi to have to rely on Jeremy for a ride rather than going on their own. If only Thony had been able to trust that Jorge wasn't involved and had called him instead. If only Nadia hadn't sent her the address for the meet location. If only if only if only. The show has always centred around this theme (all the way back to 1x01 and ‘if only Thony hadn’t encouraged the underground fighter to make her own choices, then the fighter may have done what Theo ordered her to and deliberately lost the fight, and then Tarik wouldn’t have killed Theo and Thony wouldn't have witnessed it, and none of this would have happened’), and it's a vital aspect of both the storytelling (because if none of that had happened, then there's no story at all) and also of Thony's character development. But obviously in this instance we all know that the writers had no other choice, and that there was no way this ep could have gone differently anyway, not after the loss of Adan. We know that, but Thony doesn't, and so it's going to be devastating to see Thony blame herself for yet another death, especially the death of someone she loved so deeply.)

But alright let’s talk about who is actually responsible for Arman’s death, because while Thony inadvertently contributed to it, she absolutely wasn’t the one who directly led to them being in that situation! Let’s start with Dante: firstly, I knew it was very suss that he ‘accidentally’ killed that guy in the last ep! And then when I saw the BTS pics for 3x06 last week and saw that Thony and Fi were going to go to the same apartment buildings that Dante got arrested at, it was clear that he was definitely involved in Arman’s abduction somehow. So either it’s option 1, and that giant bastard knew just how deeply Ramona wanted Arman back in their lives and figured he could not only give her what she wanted, but could also use the opportunity to score a fuck-ton of money without Ramona ever knowing of his involvement; or it’s option 2, and he abducted Arman on Ramona’s orders so that she could a) get her hands on a bunch of Nadia's money, and b) receive Arman's gratitude for saving him, which would then lead to his return into the family. Personally I think that option 1/Dante working alone is much more likely, and I'd also prefer it to option 2, because if Ramona was involved it would completely ruin the enjoyment I’ve been getting out of her character and her sibling relationship with Jorge. So I'm really hoping that it was all just Dante’s plan, and that Ramona and Jorge believe Thony when she tells them about Dante’s role in Arman's kidnapping (and therefore his death) and then they fucking murder him for it.

Speaking of murdering, that brings me to Jeremy Fucking Dolan. (Yes, I literally looked up his last name on IMDB purely bc I felt the need to put a curse word in it). It’s funny, but from the very first moment his character was announced and it was mentioned in his bio that he would befriend Thony while hiding a dark secret, I had an almost irrational level of hatred for him, even more than I had for Jorge’s character, which was definitely odd and inexplicable given that Jorge’s bio made him sound like he was purely meant to be an unwanted ‘Arman 2.0’/potential love interest, which I obviously did not want in the slightest. But if I’d been given the option to get rid of one of them before S3 even started, it would have been Jeremy with no hesitation. The moment he made his appearance, I called it that he was actually an undercover FBI agent who was using Thony to get to Arman, which was maddening enough because she just didn’t deserve to be manipulated in that way, or to be betrayed by someone whom she had been isolated and vulnerable enough to risk trusting. And then that undercover bastard not only uses her, but ends up being the very reason that the FBI shows up right at the worst moment– not only preventing the exchange, but also causing the chase that kills Arman??? I don't care if he was only doing his job and trying to catch criminals, goddammit, I still hate him so much, and it's going to destroy Thony (even more than she already has been destroyed after losing Arman) when she eventually puts it together and realises that her trusting Jeremy directly contributed to Arman’s death. Which is why I’m over here violently daydreaming of a moment sometime late in the season where Jorge and Ramona finally manage to capture Jeremy, and then they bring Thony in and let her pull the fucking trigger and end him. (I mean, is it at all likely that she would go that dark, even to avenge Arman? Well, no. But thinking about it certainly gives me great satisfaction so I’m sticking with it lol)

Anyway, moving onto something more positive– if you wanna find the MVP of this ep, you only have to look at Fi!!! I loved her for the kind and understanding way she addressed Thony's connection to Arman, and the way she almost got Thony to acknowledge her feelings for him. Though I guess in that moment she could see that Thony still wasn’t ready to talk about it, and so she tried to ease Thony's mental discomfort by shifting focus to jokes about Jeremy (gross). Still, throughout the ep she was just so completely ride or die for Thony, like she has always been, and honestly Thony needs that, needs her. And not just for her badass lock-picking skills haha (taught to her by Paolo maybe??). Basically, Thony is like the Frodo of this series, carrying a huge burden and going through unimaginable things, but Fi is like her Sam, and it’s only with Fi’s support that Thony is able to keep pushing forward through everything. Obviously the loss of Arman, the other vital person in her life (does that make him Gandalf??) is going to be absolutely crushing for her, and I think Fi is going to be even more incredible in the coming episodes as she supports Thony through her grief and devastation. Ngl, I already had a fic idea about Fi going and getting Arman's jacket back for Thony, and it makes me cry just thinking about it ugh

In addition to Fi and Thony, I did love the whole De La Rosa fam vibe early in the episode, with Chris and Jaz bickering, and Thony and Fi making a fuss of Luca, and then Chris gently telling them to ease off when Luca got overwhelmed– it felt so nice to have them all reunited again and just getting to be a ‘normal’ family getting ready for school in the morning, and for Fi and Thony to be dealing with problems like blocked toilets and wet clothes rather than threats of deportation or dangerous cartels or the FBI. Chris worrying over missing Camila’s call was super cute too; I’m glad we got to have another mention of her and I hope we get to see her again soon. As for Luca, I’m really happy he’s started school, mostly bc it frees up Thony’s schedule haha, but also because it’s an important step for both him and Thony in moving forward with their lives. Thony has lived in an endless loop of ~My Child Is Dying~ for 6 years, and finally (thanks to her and Fi and Arman, like she said in the ep) that cycle has finally been broken. Luca will always need careful monitoring of his health, of course, but Thony isn’t trapped by his illness anymore, and I’m excited to see what potential paths that will open up for her. I will always wish that one of those paths could have been a relationship with Arman, and I'm sure she does too, but as long as she finds happiness and purpose, I'll be satisfied.

Okay, so Jorge showing up at the school was pretty great honestly; like he says, it kind of is their thing to just show up uninvited into each other's spaces, and plus I think he actually truly did want to help make the moment a little easier on her by being there and distracting her/reassuring her as a fellow parent. I also loved the sweatshirt mention lol, it was a good throwback and I enjoy that he’s comfortable enough with her to tease her. Just shows how much their relationship has changed in the week or so since he first tossed that sweatshirt at her in a different school parking lot!! And he definitely won points with me here by going out of his way to get the info for her about the legal/CPS stuff without being asked, and though he explained it away as basically just him buying her influence over Arman in regards to the Sin Cara business, again I think he just genuinely wanted to help. Like Arman, he doesn’t get the opportunity to do many things that are purely good and noble, and so the feeling of getting to help her and Luca clearly has somewhat of an intoxicating effect on both men haha. Even with the loss of Arman (and so the loss of his supposed reason for helping Thony with the CPS stuff) I don’t doubt that Jorge will still help her with it once he’s satisfied that she had nothing to do with Arman’s death. But ugh speaking of Arman, the way Jorge questioned her about her connection to Arman… he already knows that Thony’s husband only died a few months ago, and as far as he knows from Nadia's behaviour, her and Arman’s marriage was solid, so it’s understandable that the intensity of Thony’s loyalty to/concern about Arman is a bit confusing to him. And because he doesn’t understand it, he’s always going to view her with at least a trace of suspicion until he learns the truth. Which may even be as soon as next ep– it looks like Jorge and Ramona are going to be demanding answers from Thony about how Arman died/ whether she betrayed him to the Feds/ how she was even there in the first place etc etc, and honestly I'm desperately hoping we'll get some kind of "I would never betray Arman! I LOVED him!" outburst from her that makes both Jorge and Ramona stop in their tracks because of how clearly heartfelt and honest it is. And ngl, while we’ve seen Thony indirectly state or demonstrate her love for Arman multiple times now, it would really mean a lot to me to hear her just say it openly without holding back. Not to mention that I think it would also really help pave the way for her to be accepted into the Sin Cara/Sanchez family, which would make for interesting viewing for the rest of the season.

Speaking of the Sanchez family, I enjoyed the flashback and getting the backstory about the caddy, and seeing more of the Eduardo/Ramona/Jorge dynamic. (I’m trying so hard not to be nitpicky about the fact that young Arman's hair was straight and young Jorge's was curly, when it should have been the opposite, lol). But I’ve been thinking a lot about what Eduardo says to young Arman in that moment about how the only way to be a good man is to work hard and make an honest living, and I think that before we meet him in S1 Arman had really internalised that, and didn’t see himself as being a good man even though he wanted to be, which is why it hurt him so much to have Thony reinforce that belief during their argument at the wedding in 1x03. But then through helping her and forming a connection with her, he sees that even though she’s witnessed him at his worst, she genuinely does believe he is a good man, and it allows him to start believing it of himself for the first time. The flashback also definitely gave us more of a sense of Arman’s relationship with Ramona and Jorge, and really added another layer to him not selling off his caddy despite the direness of his debt to RK. What Nadia said to Ramona about the caddy being Arman’s dream car seemed to prove to Ramona that Arman still loved her and Jorge, and never truly turned his back on them… and so hopefully her sense of family and honour will mean that she will now consider Nadia and Thony– Arman’s family– to be her family as well. I also really enjoyed the scene of Jorge and Ramona sitting together in the caddy, discussing their business choices/differences in their life plans, and also talking about Arman and his good heart… they’ve definitely both grown on me, partly because they’re well written, but mostly because they've helped Thony and they genuinely care about my boy Arman. I’m sad we'll never get to see an Arman and Jorge brotherly reunion, because that could have been truly great. But tbh what I’m really wondering is what will happen to my beloved caddy now that Arman's gone... will Nadia want to get rid of it because seeing it is too painful?? Will Jorge offer to take it? Will I get my dream of Thony being the one to keep it lol? Doubtful, but one can always hope.... (and I guess there’s always that fic I’ve been planning to write about it for like 3 weeks lol)

Sigh, poor Nadia gave me a lot of feels in this ep. She is working so hard to get Arman back, and handling herself amazingly well under incredibly stressful circumstances. She dealt calmly with the kidnappers (which Ramona was clearly very impressed by... a potential protege there, perhaps?). Nadia also politely yet firmly declined Ramona’s plan for Arman to be basically kept in their home, despite knowing how powerful Ramona is and how risky it would be to piss her off. She also insisted on being at the exchange to get him back despite the risk to herself (and possibly partly because she still doesn’t trust Ramona’s intentions). She trusted Thony with the meet location, despite their complex history, despite knowing that it meant that she would have to share her reunion with her husband with the other woman he loves. Even if she only gave Thony the address because it meant getting to have a highly-trained doctor there who could be trusted completely with Arman’s life, it still means she put Arman’s wellbeing above her own wants. Honestly I respect the hell out of Nadia, and literally the only consolation I have about losing Arman is that at least I'll never have to watch her go through the heartbreak of Arman still choosing Thony over her despite all their history and everything she’d done for him. Of course, we still have to watch her going through an absolutely horrific heartbreak of a different kind, but at least instead of being alone in it, she has Thony to share that pain with. (Or at least, she will, when she gets past her initial anger and blame towards Thony). It's almost a certainty that Thony and Nadia's connection will continue and even strengthen throughout the rest of the season, and I strongly believe that Thony is going to do everything she can to support and protect Nadia now, not only because she genuinely does care about her, but also because it’s the only thing she can do now to honour Arman and give thanks for all he did for her.

Okay, last couple of things: I loved that even despite her desperate search for Arman and the ticking clock that was hanging over their heads, Thony still stopped and helped the kid’s grandfather. It was very true to who she is, and how she can’t not help the people in front of her that need her. And tbh in terms of TV medicine, this instance actually wasn’t too bad haha, even if her Epley manoeuvre was a bit off. The fact that the man turning to look at the clock helped her diagnose the vertigo was also a cool reference to the ep’s title/theme as well. But anyway the reference that I can’t quite figure out yet is the word Thony saw written in the dust on that mirrored platter thing; I’m assuming Arman wrote it as a clue in case someone found the apartment? It seems to say something like ‘Marin’ which means nothing to me rn, but they very intentionally included a shot of Thony seeing it, so I guess its meaning will become clear in the next ep or two?

Anyway, this has been many many words and feelings, so I’m just gonna end it with this, the prayer that Thony spoke as Arman walked out of prison in 2x02, because it feels even more tragically fitting now:

Now he is freed Through your blood on the cross Through the blows to your face And through the crown of your thorns that pierced your head Deliver him from all evil From the rigor of injustice From the torment of conscience And from all darkness Welcome him into Paradise Where there will be no more sorrow No more weeping or pain Give him the blessings of the life to come As he enters into the kingdom of peace and light.

#The Cleaning Lady #TCL recaps #Armony #Arman Morales #Adan Canto #God this ep is definitely in my Top 3 Most Traumatic Episodes of any show ever #I don't think I've cried that hard over a character's death since I was 18 and just lost the Blorbo I'd been obsessed with for like 4 years #but at least in that instance we didn't lose the actor too #ugh #anyway #if you manage to read this whole thing I salute you #and you're welcome to come talk to me about it!#let's suffer together lol #TCL spoilers #The Cleaning Lady Spoilers

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timetravellingshinigami · 2 years ago

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I'm pretty sure Quaritch had that ring on him when he died(most probably not wearing it but on his person somewhere).

Imagine Na'vi Y/N (not Omatikaya) is in that old battlefield exploring and comes across this ring. She's seen what rings are for and heard they could have meant something to some human. She sees the name on the side of the human machine, but doesn't think much of it. She vaguely knows who he is. But this old demon is dead and gone. So she takes the ring with her to add to her collection of human items (kinda like the little mermaid lol).

She meets Recom Quaritch at some point (personally I'm going with the five/six year time skip in A4) They didn't get off to a good start because ofc it's Quaritch. But since he's fighting against the RDA now she reluctantly works with him, and his Recoms. Afterall the Na'vi could use all the help they can get. Though she knows Quaritch wants nothing to do with them. Spider is positive he could change. Y/N isn't that optimistic.

She also becomes good friends with Spider. She feels for him because his heart is torn between staying with his father and forever being with the Sullys. His heart and soul will always be with them as is.

Interestingly One way Quaritch and his Recoms were able to open up to the Na'vi is thinking of them as part of their team. Quaritch genuinely loves teaching about weapons and battle strategies to those willing to listen..and many want to. Other Na'vi see the Omatikaya with their human weapons and want some of that as well.

As many months pass and many interactions and battle plans later Y/N and Quaritch become somewhat comrades. And She decides to give him his ring. He is genuinely surprised to see it again. It feels like something from a different era. The memories a little blurry at the edges. For now he wonders if he will keep it to remember who he was, or toss it in a lava flow to put those memories to rest.

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backslashdelta · 2 months ago

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may have just added 89 of my own gifsets to my queue whoops

#I have so many how did that happen #anyway they deserve to be seen to you will be seeing them. you're welcome.#one the one hand I have made some banger gifsets #on the other hand I have made some. questionable gifsets.#I skipped most of those though sdfkljh #it was neat to scroll back through them all though and see how much I've grown as a gifmaker #I can definitely see so much growth since my earliest sets!#anywayyyyyyyy :)#mine #personal #queue is topped up for a bit now at least #(there are some other things in there too but tbh it is. mostly my gifsets atm)

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fazcinatingblog · 5 months ago

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The new Tim Broomhead

#james rowbottom #but Tim is a top because he's a head and James is most definitely a bottom #you're welcome Tumblr

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theirloveisgross · 1 year ago

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#After a bit of fbi I think Harry's photo is from June 19 or before #You're welcome #Edit: actually yeah it's June 19 most likely in London (definitely the UK) okay byeee

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bitbrumal · 2 years ago

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�� CONTINUATION @predvestnik ↤ from here :: CORNERED ↩

DILUC “as well i should.” oh. well- that-

run, breathe the vestiges of sense. the heat of his gaze darts to the door into the kitchen- has to know but can’t ascertain the location of the back door beyond childe. there is a tall ( infuriatingly so... ) slab of snezhnayan cornering him against his own bar, &-

& something low in his belly trembles for this. traitorous, traitorous—

his cheeks are still catching up to the look in blue eyes.

—it’s worse than hunger. something light & weak, weakening him. there is strength in this monster man on more levels than initially presumed, & with breath skating along skin these facts sit in the middle of his being like a child amid scattered toys. their prominence feels so innocent.

more than one figment of nightly imagination has proven that deceptive.

i- you- listen, you uncouth foreign fuck-

instead, diluc’s face shifts away - unwilling to heed anything but the safety that is shame. it’s a fence sitting sort of safety, however. given childe’s nature to push, there is no real salvation in inertia. ( & when he has been instigating for weeks? the fucker doesn’t seem to back down from a challenge unless to rile his opponent up. )

‘uhm’ manages to mute itself in the press of his lips. “...” in, & out, the breath at his ear is warm & knows him frightfully. ( there is nothing better than being s e e n. ) heat is a sharp sliver that cuts directly into his core; lead by those words that come from that mind behind those all-seeing eyes... fuck. he’s going to have to— visit someone, pay for something. this is- embarrassing, there’s no need to feel so intensely when- dammit, he wasn’t supposed to take this seriously! ( or something. sensible thought is proving elusive. the frustration at suffering consequences is not. )

“there is no next move.” begins lord ragnvindr. he has not moved an inch. neither has the weight of his desperate gaze on the kitchen door. “...merely testing a theory.” will a fainting follow the heat in his face? wouldn’t prefer to be unconscious around the harbinger, but it’d spare him his own folly. it’s one thing to need closeness. another to crave it here.

strong warm smart hungry

childe wants him & his ears are ringing. childe teases & his mouth grows wet. childe looms & boxes him in & t a u n t s & he wants nothing more than to kiss or punch or both at once. maybe most of all he wishes to be kissed with that same ridiculous audacity.

bold as all get out

“you’re imagining things.” when in doubt? project. at least it’ll keep childe busy smarmily dissecting that instead of encouraging m o r e. “i’ve merely been-” nearly swallows his tongue. shrinks—from the cold hard fact that he has not moved away yet more than the actual body that makes him want to stay, “returning the favour.” breath shivers where confidence does not. fuck, fuck, fuck. “you enjoy,” tempting me “—attempting to... harass me.”

agh. hunger aches through the body. it’s all he can do to tense his fists in the pockets of his slacks & stay still. ( gripping the counter- That He Owns -would have him holding the fucker’s hands. ) a low buzz spreads through his veins. his ears ring. when ginger strands tickle from his chin to his brow bone diluc finally blinks. “...” it’d be so simple to tell childe to back off & yet he cannot bring himself to do so.

“where’s your professionalism, harbinger? fraternising with the enemy.”

#conflict.jpg #oh;; no;;; mr harbinger.... pls don't-- uwu --come onto me more!! i'm too virginal & squirmy uwu u wouldn't;;; taint my innocence;;; uwuwuwu #he has most definitely not 'welcomed' this problem thank you very much he has tomfooleried his dumb ass into it.#IF YOU'RE GONNA DRAG HIM AT LEAST CALL HIM THE ACCURATE VARIETY OF STUPID. WAILS DISTRAUGHTLY #with: predvestnik #predvestnik #rp ✦ diluc #i'm laughing so hard help me #diluc vc: ah i. should definitely reinvigorate my sex life. That'll Help.#when it doesn't: AAAAAAAAAAA #i mean it'll help a LIL maybe but-#'you foreign fuck' is diluc's unintentional pet name for him btw. it's just kinda begun to stick around in his head.#a lot safer than 'hot handsome bastard' or 'That One Asshole who makes me feel butterflies when there is nothing but inappropriate times #to do so'#ur so rude for not respecting basic rules of morality / ethics here >:/// what happened to professionalism harbinger???? fraternising with #the enemy??? tsk tsk #he'd say that if he wasn't scared he'd blush at saying 'fraternising with the enemy'#which he might've been doing if u recall his sleep paralysis demon #ANYWAY-#actually fuck it he's saying that but i'm leaving the tag in so u can see the paralysis demon part LMFAO #WHYT HE FUCK U LYYYYIN #MMMM OH MY GOD-

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autistic-shaiapouf · 2 years ago

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Same anon as before, I’m happy that you’re accepting yourself! That’s great news. I had a very similar situation where I was very embarrassed about what character my brain chose to project onto, but after working with my therapist and years of reflection I’ve realized it had to be that character because they were the only one I could see myself in, we were both abused in certain ways that made it like looking in a mirror, and being Him meant that I was able to protect myself because he could (character is someone “dangerous” in their world). So I really think it comes down to a reflection of trauma, and there’s nothing to be ashamed about. We coped with what our brains found the most comfort in.

If I can ask, what does your therapist think about it? Only wondering because with my therapist, they are aware we have fictives of this character as well as the system as a whole projects through him but I’m still trying to figure out if it’s part fictives and other part alters with psychotic attachments or if there’s something else at play as well like past lives (the old fictionkin community used to be big into that but I know it’s not so much anymore so I’m a little embarrassed but I am still a spiritual person) alr that’s all, looking forward to your response!

First of all, I'm glad to hear back from you anon!!

My therapist and I figured roughly the same thing happened with me! When I say I use this character as a therapy tool, I don't think it's appreciated enough that it's bc my therapist familiarized himself with the source - my therapist watched (and enjoyed) 148 episodes of anime for my sessions and I cannot stress that enough lmao; we're pretty sure that what happened was that I saw a lot of my emotional trauma play out again in front of me in his character arc, mostly in the way he perceives himself but also with how he struggles with his emotions and general interactions with the world (with my own difficulty with such coming from the climate of the family that abused me). He did serve as a mirror, not just of my own trauma, but also of what I wish I could have done, which was to lash out and genuinely own my anger and frustration and do something. Of course there's a lot more to it, but with just covering the surface, looks like we've had pretty similar experiences!

As for my therapist's thoughts on this, we actually haven't put any clinical labels on it. I personally like labels, they make me feel sure and certain about things in my life, which is why I tried to nail this down with the OSDD/DDNOS (complete with question mark) in my bio, but truth be told I'm not entirely sure I meet the full criteria for either of them, in spite of the genuine experiences I've had with what definitely feels like multiplicity of some sort. Interestingly enough, while I myself am not very spiritual, my therapist did make a mention that this is an experience that I could try looking at through a spiritual lens, especially since it's been coming up a lot more as I'm trying to rework some deeply held thought patterns. There's been a pretty positive outlook on it overall and he encouraged me to interact with it - the episodes tend to come with some specific thoughts and feelings, so we're treating them (and by extension, this character) as a sort of conduit for them, sort of like a messenger bringing attention to them. This is all some pretty specific info for my stuff though lmao, I just wanted to cover the ground as thoroughly as I could 💖

#part of me genuinely does wanna reach out to the fictionkin community just for the value of having potential community experience #but also. maybe I'll just watch them for a bit and think about it lmao #my experiences with my dissociation is like. it feels like there's someone else with me you know? im alone but i can feel someone else #and I'm holding their feelings and thoughts in those moments #if i believed in ghosts hardcore this would 100% make me think im possessed but fortunately i recognize where #all this is coming from as far as functionality and the name attached; funnnily enough i remember a video my roommate #put on and it was talking about psychosis scenes in movies + gauging them for accuracy #and the guy starts talking about DID and I'm like okay i definitely dont meet the criteria for that but I'm half paying attention #and he mentions that one of the things that people have reported is feeling like they're possessed and i just sat there FLOORED by this #bc that was exactly how I'd described the feelings in therapy; 1:1 word for word 😳 again i know for sure i dont have DID #but the same guidelines that make up the definitions and criteria are kinda also running along my dissociative episodes as well #ive already said so much in the tags but i did have a session where i just sat there and was like. i want to love every part of myself #and that includes the episodes; i know they're a protective measure and i dont wanna feel like I'm fighting them anymore #that was months ago; this is by far the most vocal ive been about it #it took almost a year for me to settle into it and be able to talk about it even in therapy but I'm so glad i can do it now #and I'm so glad to be hearing from people who understand how this feels 💖💖💖 thank you so much again!!!#im realizing that i actually have a lot of thoughts on this now that im actually understanding it a lot better #the asks are just giving me some chances to infodump a little hehe 💕#you're welcome in my inbox any time!! thanks again!! 💖💖💖#asks

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nixiecat · 4 months ago

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I love the sentiment but try about 70 pounds heavier lol

they might get my ass for this one but I couldn't not post a pic this good for ttt

OF link in bio

#do i wish I was that small? most definitely #you're still welcome to try tossing my 6'2 ass around anyway though~ ;)

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actual-corpse · 3 months ago

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.... I reeeeeaaallllyyyyyyy fucking hate the modern interpretations of the Deadly Sins....

They're fucking SINS!!! These are things you desire and do above all else to detriment...

The one that really fucking gets me is the modern interpretation of Gluttony... Miss me with that Feeder shit bro. Gluttony is hedonism in EXCESS it's taking and having more than you could possibly need and just hoarding it all (like wealthy people hoard money)

Which leads to Greed... This one is one of the most true today... It's just wanting more and more and more, and you're willing to do anything to anyone in order to get what you want, usually to the detriment of others. You use people as a means to an end in your pursuit of MORE! (Corporations exploiting workers leading us all to ruin.... Usually found with Gluttony... The difference is that Gluttony is consumption and Greed is collection)... This one also breaks a Commandment. Don't take shit that isn't yours.

Pride... It's what caused the Fall of Lucifer. He saw himself as so great... Great enough to BE God!! Pride isn't about being Gay... and there's absolutely nothing wrong with being proud of who you are... It's when you begin to think of yourself as God! (Like Kanye) You, above all else, should be worshipped! Another Commandment broken... Two, actually. No gods above Me and No false idols.

Wrath... Being so angry that you could actually fucking kill someone for real... like.... Idk what else to say. A Sin that leads you to break a Commandment. Pretty bad. Don't kill and don't harm others.

Lust... Pretty self-explanatory, I guess... Don't ho around. Don't sleep with other people's spouses. Don't cheat on your spouse. There's a Commandment for this one.

Envy... Detrimental jealousy. Don't covet your neighbors stuff. Appreciate what you have been given. This one has a Commandment. It can also lead to Greed, maybe... because you covet all these things, so you take.

Sloth. This one is nebulous. All of these are based on a decent amount of research as well as the old Theology that I had to really dig into to bring together an understanding. Sloth is much more than laziness... But I wouldn't lump in Executive Dysfunction... There's typically a shame that comes with ED like, you KNOW you need to do something and you WANT to, but you can't, so you're just frozen in your own mind... That's not really it. Sloth is a willing rejection of work. You refuse to do anything of worth, and you are unbothered. You aren't working to honor God. You aren't working to honor yourself. You're being dishonorable and wasting the Gift of Time by just doing nothing. This one also has a Commandment. Set aside a Day for Worship (the Sabbath)... Simply ignore the Sabbath. Do nothing.

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fazcinatingblog · 11 months ago

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A day in the life of the boss of an accounting firm:

12am-3am: answer emails

9am: wake up, call office

9:30am: waiting for nurse to arrive

10am: still waiting for nurse to arrive

11am: nurse is very late, still waiting

12pm: nurse presumably came

1pm: waits by door for Australia Post for a package to sign for

4pm: finally gets into home office to check emails

5pm: knock off for the day

#you're welcome #The day starts again at midnight #enjoy #is this all bosses of accounting firms????? most likely #yes definitely #mort was one of a kind he was the weird one #mort coming in to the office every day at quarter to 10 and seeing several clients a day in his office upstairs and then leaving after 5pm #odd behaviour #do better Mort #anyway follow my guide and run your own successful accounting firm!!!!!!!

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ozzgin · 10 months ago

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Yandere! Monster x Reader Headcanons

You find yourself kidnapped into a half-breed family of monsters and humans, for the purpose of an arranged marriage. Luckily for you, the groom is their only pure human, terribly handsome and charming. You'd perhaps appreciate him more if your eyes weren't glued to his monstrous older sibling...

Content: female reader, monster smut, reader is a shameless monster hoe

[Part 2]

You always imagined such kidnappings to be of theatrical intensity, being scooped up against your will as you scream and flail your arms, longing for a savior. The affair itself felt more like a formal summoning. Mysterious men appeared before you and merely announced that your presence is required, unfortunately without the choice of refusal. Might as well. You packed necessities under their polite supervision and now you're sitting at the table, facing multiple strangers who are casually enjoying their lunch. One of them, the head of the family apparently, explains that half-breeds are in a rather sensitive place when one considers human and monster politics. Thus, every now and then, they will do whatever it takes to strengthen their bonds and show good intent towards both species. This time it's an arranged marriage with a fellow human.

Why you, in particular? No need to concern yourself with intricate details. What matters now is that you are to be married soon and your groom is right here, enthusiastically waving in a welcoming greeting. You scan his features and can't help but agree with the family: he is, by all definitions, a conventionally handsome man. His face is carefully chiseled in most elegant, yet masculine features. His voice is confident but warm, and you can tell by the flock of servants hovering around that he's rather popular. After the luxurious meal he guides you around the imposing home, showing you to your room and briefing you on future responsibilities. Caring, attentive, and several other checks that you can easily mark in his favor.

Yet one vital aspect has been omitted. The prince's mesmerizing beauty was rather swiftly discarded once you realized the presence of his older sibling, a pure monster blood towering above everyone else and idly eating his food, uninterested. You managed to hide your blush in time, but you couldn't help throwing curious glances. Might've been easier for everyone involved if they handed out 'monster lover' badges. Alas, you weren't prepared to ever be faced with the choice.

The next day you're awoken by the murmur of diligent work, as both servants and family pace back and forth about their plans. You sneak your way out - since nothing is yet expected of you - and wander until you find your intended target: the beastly sibling is polishing a bizarre weapon you don't recognize in what seems to be a storage room littered with battle memorabilia. He notices your presence and acknowledges you with a bored nod. You ask whether you may observe his current activity and he looks up at you, raising an eyebrow suspiciously before agreeing. Why would you care? Certainly there's more entertaining things for you to do as a soon-to-be bride.

As you listen to his little stories from the battleground (hardy monsters like him are better off fighting, not socializing), you have to pat your cheeks in desperate attempts to cool down your burning blush. "H-how comes you don't have a partner?" You mutter, almost feverish. "Not interested. Plus, who would dare to marry me?" he jokes, focused on the sharp item in his clawed hands. There it is. Hesitation and diplomacy out the window, you rearrange yourself, smoothening your clothing, and whisper: "Well, if I had to choose, I would've preferred you as my husband..."

Once again he stares at you bewildered. Have you come here to mock him or something? A frail, pretty human like you, about to tie the knot with his stunning younger brother, showing up here and behind everyone's backs to openly flirt with him. Ridiculous beyond comprehension. His skin is thick enough to not mind such twisted humor, so if anything he's impressed by your audacity. Alright, if you've come for jokes, he'll comply. He places his weapon down and fully turns to you. A little scare might teach you to be more respectful with your in-laws next time.

With a speedy movement that's barely registered by your eyes, he pushes you on the floor and pins you by the wrists, lowering himself uncomfortably close to your face. "If you tease me like this, I might not be able to hold back." He says as he forces himself to smile extra hard, revealing the multiple rows of fangs. "In fact, I can't guarantee you'd make it out of here alive." Hopefully he isn't going too far with his tactics. He senses your frantic breathing and is about to apologize for continuing your prank, but you blurt out in a daze: "Yes, please! I've been thinking about it ever since I saw you." You're panting for dear life as your face is turning a deep shade of red.

Uh oh. Now this is awkward. You weren't...you weren't kidding. For a moment, he freezes in place, trying to recollect himself to no avail. Fucking your brother's future wife in a storage room in the middle of the day feels like poorly written erotic romance. Then again, he can't deny the sudden urge overwhelming him at the mere thought of it. You're squirming underneath him, gliding your legs across his now obvious bulge. His common sense is hanging by a comically thin thread and he can almost hear the instant when it snaps. Thankfully some leftovers of sanity must have remained in the back of his mind and his lustful grunts while pounding you are kept low enough that no one is notified of your horny deeds. Shutting you up was the bigger challenge.

"Is this too tight, miss?" You spin in front of the mirror and the servant readjusts the lace corset adorning your wedding dress. You have to hold back your yawn. Downright shameless and perverted of you to daydream about your monster boyfriend while trying on bridal gowns, but it's not like you agreed to it to begin with. You were kind of hoping to discuss future dating prospects post-intercourse, but someone had been looking for you shortly afterwards and you struggled to regain your composure. Your scary-looking suitor shooed you away with the promise of a reunion.

Before the servant can reach for the next dress, you both jump, startled by angry shouts coming from the hall. You rush outside to witness the older sibling standing before the head of the family. The wrathful threats were coming from the much smaller half-human. "Y-you can't just decide like that!" He screams. "Of course I can. You're welcome to fight me for it." The monster sibling flashes a smug grin. "Can anyone here defeat me?" His question is met with silence. He spots you and gestures you to come towards him. "I'll say it one more time. Find another human for my brother if you have to. This one is mine." He ends his sentence in a low growl and you shiver underneath his heavy arm. Boy, what a time to be alive.

#this feels more like a parody but I randomly thought of it last night sorry #yandere #yandere x reader #yandere x darling #yandere monster #yandere monster x reader #monster x reader #monster smut #monster fucker #terato #teratophillia #yandere headcanons #monster boyfriend #monster x human #female reader #monster imagine #monster headcanons

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planetpiastri · 7 months ago

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pairing: lando norris x fem!australian!reader [no faceclaim] summary: honestly, you kind of expected this part-time gig to just be four days of pure chaos that gave you an excuse to see an f1 race up close. then some guy in the fanzone complimented your shoes, and the rest is history. notes: requested by anon!! this has been sitting in my drafts for aaaaages, sorry love <3 y'all are so brave for putting up with me while i try and remember how tf to write these uhhh yeah this one took a turn hope u like it anyway LMFAO

liked by oscarpiastri, ynusername, and 13,024 others

ausgp Arriving in style! The lads looked great at the Melbourne Walk today 🤩🤩

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username1 lewis and zhou are absolutely slaying!! and oscar is also there

ynusername oscar i love you but you gotta step up your game mate, i wanna wear your merch so bad but it is UGLY!!

landonorris excuse me ausgp i think my fit was deserving of recognition in this post :(

ausgp Can't compete with the hometown hero 🤷‍♂️ landonorris but daniel isn't in this either ? oscarpiastri You're funny.

landonorris

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landonorris he shoots, he scores! thanks for such a warm welcome melbourne :)

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oscarpiastri You and I have different definitions of scoring I think

landonorris ever heard of playing the long game? oscarpiastri Nurse he's out again

username2 where's the worker with the shoes i think they're indirecting her

username3 GET THIS MAN THE SHOE LADY'S DIGITS

maxfewtrell Now that's just uncalled for

ausgp Love to see the spirit 😉

username4 aww lando always looks so happy in melbourne, he loves it here :'))

ynusername oh wtf

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ynusername busy busy busy day, absolutely buggered, but very excited for tomorrow 😁 (also peep The Shoes on the last slide)

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yourfriend i mean... he's right, they are sick shoes

ynusername you're just saying that cos you made me buy them yourfriend well yes!

username5 omg are u the girl who was working the fanzone today??

ynusername i was one of them!

username6 ok if this is the shoe lady i don't blame lando for staring she's so pretty omg

yourfriend "the shoe lady" ynusername i've been titled?????

ynusername

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ynusername weirdest work day ever (included today's shoes bc apparently it's a thing now)

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yourfriend that wrap was good as hell tho

ynusername deffo the most exciting part of lunch

username7 wait who is this girl and why does lando follow her?

username8 go to lovestruckln on twitter, she has a whole thread about it!

landonorris ...weird in a good way, right?

username9 your lack of rizz is astounding lando username10 bro STAND UP ynusername weird in an interesting way landonorris i'll take that

landonorris

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landonorris melb, you have my ❤️

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username11 SHOE GIRLLLLLL

username12 i hope they never hard launch and he just keeps posting pics of cool sneakers

georgerussell63 You're welcome

charles_leclerc You did it, you crazy son of a bitch ausgp Where's our credit?? georgerussell63 You put the pieces in play, I moved them into checkmate ynusername you threw a shoe at me. calm down. ausgp He what???

username13 bro's collecting aussies like infinity stones

danielricciardo ?? oscarpiastri No ynusername :// landonorris 😁😁

ynusername you're cool ig 🙄

landonorris your swag style and utter disdain for me has captured my heart ynusername oh my god stop i'm blushing

tagging: @thearchieves @sheridamn @nikfigueiredo @charlig123456789 @ilove-tswizzle @aandreea2005 @sideboobrry @vellicora @eire-the-egg @marymustdie @cocote1410 @taygrls @koalapastries @vroomvroommuppett @nichmeddar @d3kstar @333kiki @ririyulife @resident-swiftie @zimm04 @jupiter-je-taime @ever_bizzare @clemswrld @hollieeelol @leireggsworld @ironmaiden1313 @lunar-racing @lightninginab0ttle @maddie-naps @bwddermilch @pnkwhskyprncss @landossainz @chaotic_version

request: hiya! i love how funny your smau’s are and i’m begging for an aussie!reader x Lando one. maybe she works for the AusGP and they met in Melbourne? idk -anon

#lando norris #lando norris x reader #f1 #f1 smau #f1 social media au #f1 x reader #instagram au #f1 imagine #lando norris imagine #f1 instagram au #social media au #lando norris au #saturn writes

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