#all this is coming from as far as functionality and the name attached; funnnily enough i remember a video my roommate
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Same anon as before, I’m happy that you’re accepting yourself! That’s great news. I had a very similar situation where I was very embarrassed about what character my brain chose to project onto, but after working with my therapist and years of reflection I’ve realized it had to be that character because they were the only one I could see myself in, we were both abused in certain ways that made it like looking in a mirror, and being Him meant that I was able to protect myself because he could (character is someone “dangerous” in their world). So I really think it comes down to a reflection of trauma, and there’s nothing to be ashamed about. We coped with what our brains found the most comfort in.
If I can ask, what does your therapist think about it? Only wondering because with my therapist, they are aware we have fictives of this character as well as the system as a whole projects through him but I’m still trying to figure out if it’s part fictives and other part alters with psychotic attachments or if there’s something else at play as well like past lives (the old fictionkin community used to be big into that but I know it’s not so much anymore so I’m a little embarrassed but I am still a spiritual person) alr that’s all, looking forward to your response!
First of all, I'm glad to hear back from you anon!!
My therapist and I figured roughly the same thing happened with me! When I say I use this character as a therapy tool, I don't think it's appreciated enough that it's bc my therapist familiarized himself with the source - my therapist watched (and enjoyed) 148 episodes of anime for my sessions and I cannot stress that enough lmao; we're pretty sure that what happened was that I saw a lot of my emotional trauma play out again in front of me in his character arc, mostly in the way he perceives himself but also with how he struggles with his emotions and general interactions with the world (with my own difficulty with such coming from the climate of the family that abused me). He did serve as a mirror, not just of my own trauma, but also of what I wish I could have done, which was to lash out and genuinely own my anger and frustration and do something. Of course there's a lot more to it, but with just covering the surface, looks like we've had pretty similar experiences!
As for my therapist's thoughts on this, we actually haven't put any clinical labels on it. I personally like labels, they make me feel sure and certain about things in my life, which is why I tried to nail this down with the OSDD/DDNOS (complete with question mark) in my bio, but truth be told I'm not entirely sure I meet the full criteria for either of them, in spite of the genuine experiences I've had with what definitely feels like multiplicity of some sort. Interestingly enough, while I myself am not very spiritual, my therapist did make a mention that this is an experience that I could try looking at through a spiritual lens, especially since it's been coming up a lot more as I'm trying to rework some deeply held thought patterns. There's been a pretty positive outlook on it overall and he encouraged me to interact with it - the episodes tend to come with some specific thoughts and feelings, so we're treating them (and by extension, this character) as a sort of conduit for them, sort of like a messenger bringing attention to them. This is all some pretty specific info for my stuff though lmao, I just wanted to cover the ground as thoroughly as I could 💖
#part of me genuinely does wanna reach out to the fictionkin community just for the value of having potential community experience#but also. maybe I'll just watch them for a bit and think about it lmao#my experiences with my dissociation is like. it feels like there's someone else with me you know? im alone but i can feel someone else#and I'm holding their feelings and thoughts in those moments#if i believed in ghosts hardcore this would 100% make me think im possessed but fortunately i recognize where#all this is coming from as far as functionality and the name attached; funnnily enough i remember a video my roommate#put on and it was talking about psychosis scenes in movies + gauging them for accuracy#and the guy starts talking about DID and I'm like okay i definitely dont meet the criteria for that but I'm half paying attention#and he mentions that one of the things that people have reported is feeling like they're possessed and i just sat there FLOORED by this#bc that was exactly how I'd described the feelings in therapy; 1:1 word for word 😳 again i know for sure i dont have DID#but the same guidelines that make up the definitions and criteria are kinda also running along my dissociative episodes as well#ive already said so much in the tags but i did have a session where i just sat there and was like. i want to love every part of myself#and that includes the episodes; i know they're a protective measure and i dont wanna feel like I'm fighting them anymore#that was months ago; this is by far the most vocal ive been about it#it took almost a year for me to settle into it and be able to talk about it even in therapy but I'm so glad i can do it now#and I'm so glad to be hearing from people who understand how this feels 💖💖💖 thank you so much again!!!#im realizing that i actually have a lot of thoughts on this now that im actually understanding it a lot better#the asks are just giving me some chances to infodump a little hehe 💕#you're welcome in my inbox any time!! thanks again!! 💖💖💖#asks
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