#then you went and fucking bought walmart stock

[sweaterkittensahoy]

I wanna be real clear: i absolutely believe people can learn and unlearn and grow and change and become better humans.

But I will fucking remember who said shit like "Hamas has good reason to exist" and "Israelais are Nazis" and "It's not antisemitism, it's just antizionism" and "it was just a soccer riot" and even worse shit, and if there is not a public apology as loud as the proven antisemitism, you are not fucking welcome in my house.

[two-calicos-in-a-trenchcoat]

Ooooookay so not sure im gonna keep going to walmart to get my groceries unless absolutely necessary cuz the one closest to my house is awful

Its fucking massive. The app tells you the wrong aisles for everything. And there were way too many fucking people. Not a fan.

[ub-sessed]

Yesterday I found myself at the Fabricville by Namur metro so I went in to look at their yarn.

Bernat Forever Fleece, super bulky polyester. Looks a lot like roving but isn't. SO SOFT (and not in the horrible slimy way that acrylic yarns like Caron Simply Soft are). It looks like it would pill like crazy, so I would definitely want to make a small project with it before investing in more than one ball. If it doesn't pill and is relatively easy to work with, it could become one of my favourite yarns because it feels fantastic. The colours are right up my alley: dusty and warm. It would be nice if they had a wider variety of darker and lighter colours for colourwork. If I can't figure out how to make the Red Heart Boutique Chic work for my Hecla hat, I will try this; it seems much closer to what the pattern calls for. The Yarnspirations website is out of stock of half the colours, which makes me feel like I should invest in a bunch of this in case it gets discontinued. (ETA: Oh fuck, it has been discontinued! Damn, I should have bought a ball yesterday! Gonna have to go back and get one.)

Bernat Blanket, super bulky polyester chenille. Identical to the Red Heart Boutique Chic I'm trying to learn how to use right now, minus the pom-poms.

Lion Brand Feels Like Butta, worsted polyester chainette. Claims to a 4 weight, but looks more like a 3 to me. I don't know, I've never used a chainette yarn, so maybe they behave differently? Not as soft as the Forever Fleece. Feels kinda of light and insubstantial. Not sure what I would use it for. If I ever do a crochet project I would want to use a chainette yarn because I'm incapable of crocheting without splitting the yarn, but I just don't know what I would make with a yarn so soft and light.

Bernat Softee Cotton, DK cotton/acrylic. Now this is a nice yarn. The smooth feel and drape of cotton with the extra softness of acrylic. Probably crazy slippery; would definitely need bamboo needles. This would be perfect for garments. Wish they had more colours.

Patons Kroy, sock weight wool/nylon. Maybe a teensy tiny bit less scratchy than Madolaine Socquette, but I don't like the colours as much, except for that fun rainbow one. Significantly cheaper than Socquette, but that might be because it's not for sale at my local drugstore. I would definitely not be able to wear socks this wooly (I still feel like I'm covered in mosquito bites from sleeping in a super soft merino shirt last night), but my baby daddy might?

They also had nasty shit like Caron Simply Soft and Lion Brand Hometown, and omg they had Red Heart Super Saver BRUSHED, which just feels like the worst of all the worlds: made my teeth itch. Red Heart With Love feels cheap but usable for stuff that's not gonna touch your skin. Lion Brand Mandala comes in pretty colours but feels completely uninspiring. I'd get one if it was cheap and the colours went with my double knit blanket.

For needles they had the entire Knit Picks Rainbow Wood collection, which just feels like the stupidest colour scheme for a knitting needle: make sure you can't see your stitches clearly regardless of what colour yarn you're using! But they did have the super skinny fixed circulars, so that's good to know for next time I need wood needles smaller than the 3.5 in my Sunstruck set.

Also walking distance from Namur metro: Value Village (great for run of the mill acrylic worsted and super weird discontinued yarns like blanket chenille with faux fur pom-poms) and Walmart (Red Heart, Lion Brand, Bernat but no Forever Fleece at this location).

[midnightt-vice]

Reminds me of in 2017 I was going to go see The 1975. I hadn’t bought the tickets yet but the concert I went to in 2016 the tickets were easy to locate and buy, and it was so simple and that was it.

So thinking this would be the case I went to see if any local stores (like Walmart) were selling tickets, because they actually used to for like. A brief stint. Anyway they weren’t selling tickets. Anymore at all, actually, at least not my location, so they advised me to call another location. I did and they (the other 2-3 locations I called) didn’t have any either or were no longer selling concert tickets. The last guy I talked to told me to check FYE and I was like, aight you’re right.

So I made the 30min drive to the nearest FYE because no one would answer the phone. I get there, and after calling multiple stores and other FYE’s that were out of my way, this FYE tells me, “oh we don’t sell tickets anymore. Buy them online.” and they essentially pushed me out the door.

You might be asking yourself at this point why I didn’t just go online and buy the tickets there and print them. 1) My printer wasn’t stocked with ink and the pc it’s hooked up to, being the only pc in the house, wasn’t working. 2) My library charges for a “membership”, charges to use their computers by the hour, and charges for every sheet you print out. I understand why but I didn’t want to bother with that process at the moment. 3) When I did look online for paper or digital tickets, either no one was selling them or their process to buy them wasn’t working somehow. The 1975 didn’t have any links to guide you to where to buy tickets for this show, I don’t know why.

It was 2 weeks before the show and I needed to get tickets, and fast especially if they were going to get mailed because anything I order online almost always gets stuck somewhere for a few days. I was searching high and low for tickets for a few days when I finally stumbled across a working way via Ticket Master. That made the process even worse and I wanted to rip my hair out.

If anyone’s else dealt with Ticket Master before, then you know how it is. Anyway I had to fight with them to buy tickets because something “went wrong” with my payment or they “couldn’t find my address” or “couldn’t find the show” and it was problem after problem. I sent an email to Ticket Master saying “what the fuck is your deal?” It took me a couple of hours of this but I was finally able to get tickets mailed to me just in time for the show.

Never has it been that annoying to buy 2 concert tickets. At least The 1975 put on one hell of a show and made the hassle worth it.

sorry for being such a boomer but i can't stand having to download a different app for every event i want to go to just to access my fucking tickets. i should be able to call a number and order them over the phone without the internet and then go to a nice old man at a booth on the day of the show and pick up my little paper tickets.

[cyanlastride]

im not very good at this. self-motivation, i mean.

yaknow what i did do today? i went on a walk.

there were some people at the mysterious house again. there's always people there, acting as though they live there, but theyre always new different people. i will never figure out whats up with that house.

there were people skipping rope. i think the last time i used a skipping rope was in grade 5.

went into the movie theatre. dune 2 is still showing daily. havent watched barbie or oppenheimer yet. perhaps i never will. no, i doubt that.

got food at the food court.

walked to walmart to check out their mtg stock, not that i would ever buy mtg product from walmart. not that i ever plan on buying mtg product again.

i was tempted, though. they had four thunder junction commander precons, and on the face of one was a sultai cowboy gonti. of course gonti is a cool sultai cowboy. i love it. does it make any sense? i was too awestruck to care. i did not give in to temptation. but i was close.

when i got home, i looked up the decklist. gonti was the only aetherborn in the deck. one of two aetherborn in the entire set, as there was a nameless aetherborn reprint in a different precon. what a shame. you confirm that aetherborn, or at the very least, gonti, can travel the omenpaths, but you do nothing with it. the most flavour i could find product-wise was written on the back of the box, that he is "representing ghiraphur" on thunder junction. oh well. i suppose i should count myself lucky that gonti still even exists.

you know, if that deck was cool i wouldve gone to my lgs tomorrow to pick it up. i would broken my vow to never buy mtg again until they fix standard, or replace it with something that isnt uber-casual whale-hunt-y like commander. because cowboy gonti sounded cool as fuck. rrrrrrrhhhhh.

why do no card games scratch the itch for me anymore? standard is dead, commander is either too casual or just plain unfun, fab is too strictly typed, hearthstone has been powercrept to hell, lorcana is too simple and also disney, battle spirits saga nobody played to begin with, this new star wars unlimited game has no product, the most engaging card game i currently play is marvel fucking snap!! god.

it was a lot simpler when everyone just played standard. sure, it had problems, but at least we played. i enjoyed playing. i lost as much as i won, and i had fun trying to win as much as i could with my limited resources. i put unclaimed territory in my non-tribal deck and memorized the creature types of all my creatures to know the optimal creature type to name is ever scenario. i wasnt supposed to win against the guys who had bought smugglers copters and hydriod krasis, but i still tried my best, and sometimes i came pretty close. sometimes, rarely, i did win.

the thing that impressed me most about inscryption was po3. thats when i realized that the guy who made inscryption was a real card gamer. i have sat across the table from po3 on friday nights more times than i can count. i lost most of the games i played against them early on... but slowly, i got better, and i spent less time worrying about them and more time locked in on the game, and nowadays i win two games out of three. i miss the early days though, when po3 was scary. when i spent 10 seconds wandering around the tables looking for my number, and another 20 seconds steeling my nerves to sit down and shake hands with the nerd across from me. i miss those times. they were terrifying. i messed up, a lot. i learned.

someday ill make my own card game. ill make it accessible, and encourage proxying. ill make it flavour-focused, and competitive. ill make it worthy of the community it will build.

i hope i make it soon. i cant spend all my time going on walks.

[magbld]

#3 entry

I'm slowly trying to heal. I wonder how long it'll take till my feelings aren't as intense. I'm afraid that I'll lose these feelings for you, but I should, right? It makes me sad that things turned out so sad for us (sort of), you'll make your cake--I'm sure. I worked today, it was a 3 hour morning shift. I pretty much did the same thing I usually do just stock. You were on my mind the whole time. You usually were on my mind the whole time when I worked anyways just in a different context. I didn't talk much today at work; honestly, I just couldn't find the energy to do it. I called my team leader a tyrant and that we should perform a mutiny against him (jokingly). It was funny for me at least. Afterwards I went home and showered, it felt good. a nice steam shower that I thought would supposedly clear my head! It didn't though LOL. Things will change of course, nothing lasts forever! Time will pass. Afterwards I sat down on the couch and my family now knows we are broken up. although it was hard trying to explain it, but I don't feel like explaining it much. They don't need to know, they weren't involved much anyways. Me and my friend then went around to buy our skiing gear. Honestly, his car is dirty LOL. Can't really blame a 19 year old dude with his first car though. The whole time I was aux and I don't think I ever told you but whenever I had aux I would play shit for fun to fuck with people. You wouldn't get it but I played dumb songs like SAO theme, Saiyan walk, and fart noises, (very niche). It made me laugh. We went to the mall, and explored our options. Why is skiing gear so expensive what the fuck? We went to those expensive shops for software engineers who boulder and hike that got money to spend. We were not spending 200+ dollars on some fucking snow pants ! LOL. Well we searched then gave up and went to Walmart. We bought youth (14-16) snow pants for 18 dollars. Fast fashion >>>>. Thank god we have fast fashion! I jokingly told him let's go get pedicures if they were less than 40$ -- I'd pay for both. We laughed. Afterwards we went to get some bourbon st. It's supar good! supar yummy. He had no beverage and I kept talking about how perched he must be (he bought water). Now I'm just at home laying in bed, I texted you about our comp sci grades. maybe I just wanted to talk to you for a bit. I miss the girl I was in love with. I still love her. It's only been two or so days and yet I miss you so much. I didn't cry today but who knows what'll happen tonight. I hope you're doing well recently. Eat good! and treat yourself well or at least how you think I would've treated you when you were down. You talked about how you just want to ignore it but it saddened me hearing that. Ignoring our relationship kind of hurts! Just a little at least. Who knows how's that making you feel though. I wouldn't. We can still talk till you have closure. I'll miss you still. It's like grieving for someone who I've lost! like a passing partner.

[lindsaywesker]

Good morning! I hope you slept well and feel rested? Currently sitting at my desk, in my study, attired only in my blue towelling robe, enjoying my first cuppa of the day. Welcome to Throwback Thursday!

On this page, ‘Throwback Thursday’ is about memories. So, what do you remember? If I was to say the word SHOP, what immediately comes to mind?

For me, my big shopping moment came on our first trip to DisneyWorld in Orlando, Florida. Paulette was still alive, both girls had their laptops with them, and one of them (can’t remember which) need a laptop cable to connect something to something. Okay, cool. A laptop cable. $3.00. $4.00, at the most. We were told to go to the local Walmart. We’d never been to a Walmart before. Now, if you’ve never seen one of these shops, it looks like a huge supermarket but it contains enough stock to fill every floor of a department store. Man, you can buy everything in there! From penny sweets all the way up to real live guns and ammunition! Well, needless to say, both girls went completely mental! Their eyes lit up like a Christmas tree and they began picking things up. Yes, the shop is full of expensive things (TVs, washing machines, double beds etc.) but it’s also full of 99c and $1.99 items. One sister would say, “Ooh, look at this!” and the other would say, “Get one for me!” Once they had finished, they BOTH had a trolley full of very non-essential things. One laptop cable would have cost them $4.00 at the most, they ended-up spending over $400! From that moment on, if I saw either of them getting carried away, I would say, “Are we having a Walmart moment, dear?” (And we won’t mention Ikea, because even I get carried away in there!)

So, on this Throwback Thursday, what kind of memories does the word SHOP conjure up for you?

Front page of last night’s Evening Standard: “SURGE IN LONDON’S BOOMERANG KIDS.” What’s a ‘boomerang kid’? More than one in four London families have at least one adult child in their home. Boomerang kids are children that leave and come home! Okay, lots to unpick from this story. Firstly, London is one of the most expensive cities in the world. In order to buy even a small house, a young couple need two good incomes and a big deposit. The Trouble and I bought our first house more than 30 years ago. Nice family house. No problem. London house prices have gone through the roof. Some call it ‘gentrification’, I call it supply and demand. People snapped up those big houses in unfashionable areas like Harlesden, Brixton and Hackney because they were CHEAP! Now, nowhere is unfashionable or cheap. Two young people need to be on £40k to afford a shoe box. Of course, our clueless government could intervene and reduce some of the HORRENDOUS ‘costs’ involved in buying a house, but why be helpful when you can do fuck-all? Secondly, do I mind that my 33-year-old son is living with me? Are you crazy? I worship the ground he walks on. He was my best man and he still is. If I had a big house, I would have my daughter, my nieces and all my grandkids living with me! And my mum too! “What? Like The Waltons, Lindsay?” Yes, just like The Waltons! Boomerang? More like bliss! I absolutely LOVE having my boomerang kid in here. My kids and grandkids are the bestest!

Have a throbbing and thrusting Thursday (with hopefully a few thrills through your thoroughfare?) I love you all.

[fishing-lesbian-catgirl]

I mean it’s been mostly filler for a long time. The actual Pokémon Card Game is extremely fun but I can’t recommend literally anyone try to get into it for so many reasons. Packs being mostly filler, absurd power creep in recent years, Promo cards (the only ‘rare’ cards you can guarantee getting) being explicitly designed to be bad, making new cards immune to old tech cards by changing from EX to GX to VR or whatever it is now, and lastly and most importantly the absurd price and card scalping. The scalping is so absurdly bad it’s ridiculous. Fuck it im telling the scalper story again.

Idk if it has gotten better in the 2 years since, I’m pretty sure they don’t even sell em in stores now, but when I had a job for a separate company that Walmart pays to put up displays and stock certain items I got more experience with scalpers than I’d ever wanted. I was the person responsible for putting out the Pokémon cards, and the scalpers knew this and stalked me wherever I went to see if I was going to put out cards, even when I went to other Walmarts. When I put them out they’d immediately take everything with booster packs in them and buy all of it to sell online for way more than they bought em. When I wasn’t there they’d wait around at Walmart all day til I showed up because they made so much money off the cards that it was worth their time to do so.

One time I was about to put the cards out but then I saw the scalpers so I put the cards back in the back of the store, intending to put them out after closing when they couldn’t bother me. The scalpers saw me do this so they went to the Walmart manager and THREATENED THE STORE saying that if I didn’t put the Pokémon cards on the shelf “there’d be hell to pay”. The only good thing to come from me having this job was that I’d sometimes get the chance to let little kids buy a card pack before the scalpers swarmed the shelf.

It’s such a shame that the PTCG is actually a fun game when the designers of the cards hardly seem to care for it and no one can afford to play it anyway

Those accounts that just post Pokémon cards are neat and I should be able to appreciate them for the art but instead I look at most of the cards and think “wow this was deliberately designed to be useless in the card game. Sure is weird that most of the cards that exist are, from a ptcg perspective, just pack filler”

[goddessjynx]

Any parent please answer?

Idk if anyone will see this, but right now I need just anyone to tell me I'm not crazy.

Am I a bad friend for wanting to hang out with my ex-bestie (eb for short) while she has her kids or she's busy and can't hang, so I offer to come over, to help watch, to help clean? Anything just to be there for her, why? Oh because she was on her third child, at this time I literally went over to her house to play dnd with her husband and brother and her sometimes. So I would try and say "hi" or talk, but instead we stayed doing something else or barely said hi. Ok, fine, hormones, got it. It got to the point of she wouldn't want to hang out with me for reasons she stopped telling me decent sounding excuses. Fine, That's fine, I have other friends who I can hang with or find other things to stay inside and not get out of the house to do. I don't need to leave the house, to get away from the suffocating inside the house with a mentally and verbally abusive, controlling husband. That's. Just. Fine.

So you know, time goes on. we find out that the reason she won't hang out with me, but will hang out with the other girl who she hates (Mind you the other chick literally broke into their house, tried to start drama all the time, and be hazardous to her already two children But who am I to judge about the person you rant to me about how you hate them so much?) But the other chick was also pregnant after divorcing her wife. It's honestly such a mess. So "anyways, I get excluded now because I "Don't understand what she's going through" or "I won't have the same experience" or I'm "not a good source of help" Lol, Okay? I still can't help? Be happy for you? Cool. So things go on, and just things have gotten worse on my end. I'm over here with such a mind debilitating baby fever, that I'm having to pull my car over watching children get off the school bus because I'm in such a crying fit that I can't breathe or see straight. So who the hell would I go to about what do I do? My Bestie right? (There's a reason we are eb rn) I tell her, well try, Idk how much she actually listened. But I tell her how I just can't think about anything else right now. I did everything right, and the world keeps slapping me back.

I own a 4 bedroom house. we have two cars, we even have decently everything working out in our favor, But all of a sudden, I'm not good enough for anyone. My own husband two months after getting married said he hasn't found me attractive for the last two years. THAnks. That's a real boost. This didn't start the fights, but that's a whole other set of rants. about a year before my eb got pregnant, around or right before July 4th, I strictly remember, I was in the walmart fucking bathroom. I had felt so sick the weeks beforehand. Like, My menstrual cycle hates me. She's savage af. Not to mention she likes to disappear randomly and appear with just cramps or a whole flood. I never know. But I remember calling my husband in a panic because I don't know what to do while I had to go to the bathroom so bad it hurt, and all I have is half dollar sized clots. Just something my medical brain, and senior year of AP biology says, "Fuck!" I have him figure something out because I'm really needing someone to just hold me in the bathroom I feel so sick to my stomach. I'm dizzy and all these symptoms I tell him to tell the doctor or whoever he calls.. So he calls, they say whatever to him. I don't either remember or he never told me what they said, (this is a normal of hiding information from me, A LOT) They said (What he told me) to just wipe things up and clean up then if it persists in the next 24 hours to go into the hospital. But I will have to see an ob-gyn.

So, Okay. Nothing bad. but they are in charge of everything along those lines. But those were including two words, that I now know were the two words this man didn't want to hear despite, DESPITE all the teasing and jokes about having kids with me when I was younger with him and literally just dating. That was because I had to see a family planning doctor. I was told by HIM that it was nothing, and we will be fine. I just blamed it on my cramps that are horrible and never put thought to it because I had believed that's what he was told. So that's a trauma my brain locked away until recently as I'm going through my divorce right now. But, I was thinking about how shortly after that, I got a call from my eb about how they were all waiting on me because I'm making us late for bringing stuff to the grill out and bonfire later. Fine, mask all the pain and keep fucking going. right?

She seemed genuinely not worried, saying it was probably just a bad cycle. She gets them all the time too. Its whatever. My now bestie's sister has gone through the same thing I described multiple times, enough that she looked at me and was like, "No, You possibly miscarried." even her mom went on about, "they should've never NEVER brushed that off like they did. If they cared then they would've made sure you were ok. My husband denied me from going to the doctor to see anything about it. Even after when I knew my hormones and emotions were just soooo off. But that's in my mind now, when before maybe around the same time my eb came out saying to all of us even her own husband one time saying she's been feeling crummy because she went in and she found out she had miscarried. It was so short after my stuff that she disregarded then took and made attention for herself that upset her own husband because she never told him until she told a bunch of us at a bar. I mean I felt bad for her, but Now thinking back, my gut says it was a ploy to make her husband to feel bad for her and to try for another one. Where as I'm over here waiting patiently because I jumped through Hoops to get where I'm at now.

My husband promised me children. Lots, its a fucking dream to be a mum. I care for everyone else, and their kids, why not have some kind of mini me to show of what I did. That I did good. That I can be useful to this world too. That I'm not just a lump of no good nothing to this world. But first, he needed a better paying job than a gas station.

Did that, he worked at a metal parts production place. But we then gave the fact that we still live in the apartment I got after moving out from high school. We rented a house. It worked, and it was nice. But now he needs a car, but he cant do that until he learns how to drive. 3 years older than me and I taught him how to drive. AND I helped him buy his first car, a truck. Oh but now, we still can't start a family. We are only renting. I have enough good credit that I could get a house alone, but I needed a higher pay. Bam with his income together we got a house.

Bam, I'm hit with baby fever and what not. NOW I get told, we aren't ready for anything like that yet, so wait two years. Alright, I'll wait. I can do that. We were going to go on trips together and do many things together and all of a sudden, the walmart thing happened, and it just got worse from there. It got to a point I got a job paying BETTER than him and I was the laughing stock to him and his buddies. THANKS. But I'm fine, everything is fine. The walmart thing was about two years after, so I mean, it was actually in the time frame and whatnot. Things just kept going on getting worse at home, I just kept listening. For reasons, I had to quit my high paying job, and then everything got absolutely horrible at home. Had to put everything I had control over money wise into his account for he worried it would take too long to find an new job and make money to suffice for bills. It was argument after argument, but I went to my eb explaining things, asking what the hell do I do? Her advice? To just do what he wants. The thing I had to quit about? She basically never cared about it. Everything just went on being a mess. I went on just letting people walk over me because that was the advice I was given.

I voiced my feelings that I have been following lies and how I feel hurt that I'm told dreams and having them be taken away. We never went on trips much. Instead we would buy a crap ton of ammo or new guns that I'm not allowed to use, yet I'm helping fund so you can get them, but when it was my own that I BOUGHT, all of a sudden, my things went missing and he would be out using and letting his buddies use my new guns and using up the ammo I had purchased on my own. I mean, fine, but let me at LEAST take yours out if you're going to use mine without asking. It got to be so annoying that we would be asked when we would get married or when we would have kids. He would be hugging me and smiling all cocky saying "Oh well we haven't stopped trying." every time. He would start that tell people this and I finally had enough. I stopped him and told him to put his money where his mouth was. He always said shit but never actually did it or acted on what he said. He would just lie to everyone. Tell people lies because it sounded nice. Best part? I had bought a ring for him. I proposed to him because he would joke about things like that. So I basically said, "bet" and did it. I have never received a damn ring! He wouldn't even want to look at them with me. Because they were expensive. Not all of them are. I don't care what price it is, but something to say, "Hey, I love you and Don't want the odd peeps at the bar to keep hitting on you so take this with you, its dangerous out there." (Shut up. I'm a nerd) But like.... I just would make notions about, I wanted a ring. He would beg me to pool together money and buy new guns, I mean I"m not against, but I would bring up that I will want a ring. Or even something else would be you know, amazing right now because I'm in a lost place wanting kids still and my eb just announced they were having their third. (which her own family was so upset about it that they ranted to me and my mom, her own brother said that its just another kid that they will end up taking care of instead of her so she can go to the bars again. Yep) So next we talked about getting a gun safe because, before we can have kids, we need to be SAFE. Ight, we bought it. Nice matte black 33 capacity, fire and water proof, best part the front had a reallly pretty engraved waving American flag imprinted on it. It was just so smooth. (Guess who has that right now btw) So oddly enough in the middle of me not being enough for my eb, My cycle kind of returned to being semi regular, and all of a sudden disappeared. Well that whole month beforehand we went from never wanting to touch me unless it was my birthday to every night he was angry after work and took it out on me instead. I mean, whatever. But when it came to me not feeling well, I told him.

Instantly it wasn't mine. I was fooling with other guys. Like instant psycho. His childhood friend came and moved up with us, she saw this for a good few months and had to move out because he was trying to control her as if she were a child. She told me that it was not right for him to be that way and that she will never talk to him for how he treated her. (which was exactly how he was always with me too) I'm not sure if he was trying to get my jealous because his bff was a girl? Idk we worked out like literally sisters. Sooo much in common and she told me, She believes he's never wanted kids. And she watched how I broke down after he told me he wanted nothing to do with me until I took a test. He DEMANDED that I took a test right away. If it was positive, it wasn't his until proven so. And if it was negative he would be fine. this was ridiculous. He wasn't at all happy or excited. Purely upset. I felt so shitty that after the test was negative I told him and he threatened about it happening again he was leaving back to Kansas. He threatened this every damn fight, it got to the point that I gave up, I said leave then. And instantly he shut up. I got him out of gangs, crime, jail, living on the street or with his mum, and being a maaajor drug addict. Yet I'M THE BAD PERSON.

Back to recently when my eb is getting closer to having her kid, I just go through finding out I'm not and my husband is freaking out at me, nonstop yelling at me that I'm not good enough and all this shit. Yes, lil ol me trying to keep the peace in the house is a cunt and a whore. Wow. Name calling, but hitting where it hurts? I told him before, how my mother in an argument said I would be a horrible mother. And that shit sticks. IT STICKS. So what does the smart ass pull out? He repeats it. He says he's glad I'm not pregnant because I'd be a horrible mother in the end.

That. That just kills a person. That kills dreams and the feeling of wanting to keep living. Who the FUCK says that to their partner? Am I wrong for thinking that's not right? Well my eb thought I was. I told her my feelings. How I don't want to be jealous of her, but I am. That she's more beautiful, she's always had guys hitting on her in school inviting her to do things and hang out, I was the nerd in whatever class that got invited only if it was mandatory. She will be having three kids and a loving husband that can never take his hands or eyes from her, where as I have to act like a clown to get my husband to look up from his damn phone. To say something nice. To

be acknowledged while in the house. I've left and came back the next morning because I hung out at my now besties house. He didn't say a word until I came home the next morning and he looked at me like "when the fuck did you leave" No care, no love. I was stuck being a burden. Anything I ever did around the house was in vain. Everything I helped with I got shoved away because I didn't do it right. EVERYTHING I did was not good enough. I would tell him this that is how I felt and he would deny it. One day, I caught him yelling at me saying that what I did wasn't ever good enough. Calle him out right away. Bitch... He tried to change the wording to go around what he said. I HEARD IT. it was so bad I had to have my bestie on the phone to listen to how he talked to me behind closed doors. Away from public view. HER MOM HEARD IT. Thought she was watching some kind of dramatic show, until she realized it was me on the phone. She's listened to so many calls its unheard of. There was a day, I had enough of it. (Ok A lot actually) but I grabbed my laptop and my charger and left the house. I sat in the park drawing on my laptop. Texted every person I could think of that I cared so deeply for that they would care for me back. I was in a dark ass place asking for Advice. My eb shrugged off what my husband was doing and scolded me for leaving. For sitting in a park drawing out my feelings instead of being with him because he's being dramatic to her husband upset that I started an argument. I didn't understand what I started when it was over me telling him not to throw the controller when he loses a COD game because that's how it breaks. Why he threw it? Because I distracted him by playing with my cat while he was playing the damn game and made him lose! yep. Exactly that. So I was yelled at to quit. So I did. I went back to my drawing and then with my headphones on I was humming to my music. It distracted him and he lost. So I flipped out because I can't do anything in my own house without being scolded for it. So I stormed off to the bedroom to draw some more. I'm upstairs and away from him. Didn't want to eat now I'm stressed and upset. So I didn't cook anything and now he's hungry and upset at me for not making food yet. YES. That's how it started and I again was the bad person in the story for safely removing myself from an environment where all my mind was telling me to do was dark things that hurt to say. To give up on everything I have worked for and all my dreams.

That was the last time I spoke to her for a while because everything started to be only about baby and about doing this for baby. Doing that for baby. But then she would never answer me back. I was done trying to fit time to hang out. To do something, I made new friends who didn't have kids and hung out more with them. It got horrible. the sound of a child crying made my stomach hurt. I had non stop dreams of the same thing happening. It was just awful. I looked it up and it was just meaning I had something and lost it. Whatever is missing in the dream what what I had lost.

In this dream I was dressed in all black, lace and long dress covering every inch of skin on my body. I had a hat with a veil and I was rocking a bundle in my arms in an old decrepit room with peeling paint and broken toys. It was a nursery. An old ruined nursery. I was rocking just a black blanket swaddled with a hole that emptied to the void. It gives me chills, I get this dream so much that me explaining just makes my skin crawl and my body ache. It hurts to think of but I just cannot understand it. Makes sense now that I looked into it.

But me going through all of this, I can't talk to my husband about my feelings because I'm too needy and being selfish for not taking his feelings into an account. That he's not ready that we are not ready and that I'm not ready because I'm going to be a horrible mom. Cool.

I have tried so much. I couldn't be around kids. It made me so sick and I jus would have to find somewhere to hide and cry for hours. I would cry myself to sleep. Never getting comfort by him because I'm throwing a pity party. I was so hurt. Still am. I'm broken hearted. Thinking that if I had a kid, at least I would have something that needed me and would love the care I gave and would love me back. I wanted to feel loved for how much I put out in the world. I wanted to have something to ground me to this world before I did something stupid. I was in such a dark place that I drove an hour to go see my bestie because I was scared that I was going to do it. That I was going to be the big disappointment he told me I would always be. Three months later, baby is here and I go back to playing dnd with my friends and its at their house. My husband is rubbing it in my face. He's holding baby and talking to baby and doing all these things making my mind break. He asks if I want to hold her. If i if iififififi NO.

I can't I cannot. I'm trying to be respectful. I missed out on other games because I had to hype myself up. I procrastinated because I didn't know how I would be or if I could handle it. I got to the point that my eb's husband told me that he doesn't want me playing anymore because I sent a text trying to apologize to my now eb that I feel so bad but I can't see her right now since seeing her kids just sends me into a panic attack and I can't stop thinking horrible things. So she takes that as I have a problem with HER kids and not just the KIDS situation. Doesn't hear me out. blames me for everything and has me banned from coming over. in which her husband says he doesn't want me over anymore. Which my rebuttal is because she's telling him only. But he said it was his choice. I don't know don't care. It just hurt that THATS the reason I got kicked out. Not because I was good, but that I couldn't handle their kids. And I would not pay attention by drawing the whole time. I was distracting myself because I'm trying to drown out the noises of cooing making my gut rot and my mouth dry. So by all means I'm selfish for wanting a dream that I was being promised for the last 6 years of physically being with my soon to be ex. I've know for actually 12 years. And that I drove 15 hours to bring you to me since you couldn't drive.

So I need to know from real parents, was I out of line for telling my eb that I had feelings and that them not being heard or just cast to the side hurt? Am I crazy for feeling that I've been robbed? For being upset when my husband comes home drunk and abuses me? For being hurt when I'm called all sorts of names and told I'm worthless by the man I should trust the most? Please. I need to know.

I know I'm ranting, but I need to get it out. I need to find some sort of something to figure out why I'm feeling this way, or why I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I'm fighting for the divorce since i haven't been to my owned house in the last 5 months since he changed the locks on me. I moved an hour away from my home and my family and still to this day, I hurt to hear or watch children around me. I'm happy, but inside something aches and just feels empty. Not to mention that I got told by people that know me that he's been caught buying condoms. We are still technically married, and he can't be doing those things right now. Am I jealous? Upset? Hurt? All of the above? It just sucks and I'm drowning in debt a bit trying to work my ass off to get where I want in life again since all of everything has been ripped from me. I'm trying. Please let me know if I'm crazy or out of line? I want to be heard. I'm going to start to save up. I have a plan for my 27th birthday. If it doesn't work in time for my 28th birthday, I'm not sure what else I can do but join the 27 club.

[shadeswift99]

Team ZIT Ghostbusters AU!

Discord ideas. Of course they’re discord ideas. (paraphrased from a Discord discussion)

-  Zedaph is the one who started the ghostbusting crew. Impulse is the one who went along with it because his normal job is boring and he's had haunt-y experiences before that he wants to confirm were real. Tango is the guy who didn't believe at all but they dragged him along because he's the only one with a car

- Tango keeps somehow missing any and all real ghost encounters (”Come on man, you HAD to have seen that!” “I was in the bathroom!”)

- The few ghost encounters he actually has. he still manages to excuse as something else for a really long time (”Jerk in a costume” “Weather balloon” “Firework show gone wrong” “Hallucination” “Water reflection”, etc.)

- He eventually has to admit that ghosts are real, but he keeps up the bit with the others because he thinks it’s funny

- the others start to wonder why he’s so dedicated to convincing them that ghosts aren’t real in spite of their very real encounters. They start to wonder if Tango himself is a ghost

- He is not. Hilarity ensues

- Zed and Impulse start setting ghost traps around the office, but the ever-oblivious Tango keeps accidentally avoiding them. Zed and Impulse then activate them themselves while looking for flaws in the design.

-  About two thirds of their calls are just old people who are freaked out and kinda lonely, they're good at reassuring them and "thoroughly checking" for any “ghosts” to put them at ease

-  Beetlejhost was one of these calls, it was supposed to be nothing! They were convinced it was nothing! And it was nothing, until Tango and Impulse went into the hall for their customary "check" and got insulted up and down by a nerd-looking guy in a striped suit.They like to think they let him come with them, but really, he just wouldn't leave. He is Weirdly resistant to all their ghostbusting measures

- Eventually they just stop trying to get rid of him

-  Zed and impulse eventually ask him if Tango is a ghost, he gives an incredibly cryptic answer that those two interpret as a yes

-  The eventual confrontation about Tango's theoretical ghost-ness starts out ridiculous, but gets more serious. Impulse and Zedaph start listing the reasons why they think he's a ghost - he's weirdly insistent that ghosts aren't real, he hasn't told them anything about his life, they never really see him arrive or leave from the office...eventually Tango kind of snaps and shouts at them that he's not a ghost! He just doesn't have many other places to go, okay? They don't bring it up again

-  However. There are a few weird things around the office that they cite as evidence that Tango can't explain. He didn't open that door that they always leave closed. He couldn't have boiled water in the kettle that's been broken for six months. He isn't the reason why their reflection in every mirror is wearing a different facial expression than they are.

- They would suspect the Beetlejhost, but the strangeness started long before he got there

-  They bought the office for cheap because nobody else would buy it. The story is that the landlord was murdered there a decade ago, and he still hasn't left the place, making sure all of the new tenants are treating it well and punishing them if they don't. The three didn't really put much stock in that. It's a myth, right? Urban legend. Happens all the time. Surely the ripped and slightly bloodied vest they found in the attic has a perfectly reasonable and natural explanation.

- Honestly, their resident ghost buddies (both known and unknown) are probably the only reason they haven’t been attacked by ghosts in their own office yet. As annoying as they can be, they make pretty good protection from incorporeal intruders.

- “Ghosts try to fuck with them and are met with a ripped dude and a nerd in a suit, both looking quite angry”

-  They only really realize that the Beetlejhost isn't the only ghostly officemate when large amounts of their post-mission pizza start disappearing

-  Impulse starts "accidentally" leaving things out just to see what happens to them. He leaves out a Rubix cube to see if it's solved by the morning. It isn't, but it has been thrown out the window.

-  Skizz has never had to learn how to physically appear before. He's never really wanted to. The living world kind of screwed him over, so he doesn't feel like he owes them anything other than ominously lurking just beyond the mortal plane. However, to these people, he kind of thinks he might want to make himself known. They seem...okay. Ish. Maybe. No promises.

- Maybe at first, he just talks (suddenly, in the middle of the night, in a way that just about gives Impulse a heart attack of course)

- Eventually, the Beetlejhost teaches him how to make himself visible. (Of course he knew Skizz was there the whole time)

-  He still mostly keeps to himself - not used to being friendly yet - but when he does choose to show up to team game night, an extra bit of company is always welcome. (plus it's someone to keep the Beetlejhost from cheating by phasing through the table and looking at the cards)

-  Beetlejhost comes with them on missions, but Skizz is more or less bound to the building

-  The Beetlejhost usually just sings and/or laughs at them, but he's gotten them out of a good few tight spots on occasion with Ghost Negotiations. After all, he doesn’t really want them to get hurt

-  As distant and mischievous as Skizz can be, really, he doesn't want them to get hurt either. They take good care of the building and they're the first real friends he's had in 15 years so why would he want them gone? So, he does his part to help them whenever he can

-  One time one of the more dangerous ghosts decided that possessing Impulse was a good idea. They subdued him and took him back to the office to figure out what to do with him, but they didn't have to. Skizz basically just yelled at the ghost until it left.

- Speaking of possessed, Tango has a strange talent for coming under the control of ghostly forces. Usually it’s pretty easy to get the ghost to leave, though, so it’s okay - and hey, at least it left him with some nifty red eyes!

- And yes, Tango does get possessed when he still thinks ghosts aren’t real. And no, that does not convince him.

- He has to wear sunglasses sometimes so they don’t get kicked out of places, but he usually just lets the eyes show and becomes the most badass person in the Walmart

- Zedaph and Tango try to ask Skizz how he died sometimes. It’s a bit of a touchy subject, but of course he chooses humour instead of just saying that. Zed and Tango continue to insist that “saw your mom’s face and died from shock and horror” isn’t a valid death explaination

- Skizz doesn’t want to talk about his death because he was killed by someone he trusted. A "friend" did something bad and wanted to use Skizz's place to hide from the cops, but Skizz didn't agree and didn't want that on his hands. He tried to convince the friend that if he turned himself in he would get a lighter sentence, but the friend killed him in anger. Notice how I said earlier that the crew are the first real friends he's had in 15 years, but he's only been dead for 10

-  Skizz isn't really interested in getting that person caught, he just wants to make sure nobody uses his place for bad stuff after he died. That’s his unfinished business.

-  Of course, the crew sometimes gets called in to take care of things that are not, in fact, ghosts, to varying results. One time a guy (whose name might have been Mumbo) called them in to ghost-vacuum his living roommate (who might be called Grian) who was just being annoying. They didn’t, of course, but only because Impulse said it would be wrong. Their other roommate (Iskall) gave them a tip and apologized for his idiot besties

- While they didn't vacuum Grian, Zed and Tango are still curious about what happens if they vacuum a living person

- Tango now has to figure out how to delicately and calmly phrase "Skizz please help oh god Zed's soul is stuck in the vacuum cleaner"

Please feel free to send me questions, I am enjoying this way more than I should be :)

[maryellencarter]

So the final cause, if I recall my Aristotle (I was terrible at Aristotelian logic, or at least at what the badly illustrated homeschool textbook said was Aristotelian logic), was that my apartment has been growing irregularly more squalorous for months. Occasionally I would have a bout of energy and put my groceries in the pantry, but for the most part I've been doing well to keep up on the laundry. The proximal cause was... probably the coloring books.

Anyway, this morning I put on pants that were not sweatpants, probably for the first time in months, because going to get vaccinated is a festal occasion and one ought to look one's best. (I put on my cute top with the frilly shoulder straps and the little rosettes, too, since I figured it'd be smart to wear something sleeveless. And my combat boots with the pastel tiedye laces, in case of hiking, which also turned out to be smart. I was decked out.)

So then I went and showed a number of people my ID and my appointment email, and they poked me with a timy needle -- not as small as the one they used in the ER for the insulin that time, I didn't even feel that one, but a very nice thin needle compared to my usual standard of needles, which are the ones they use to try and get blood *out* of you, and often fail when you are me. Then they made me sit down for fifteen minutes in case I took an allergy, and then they gave me a lollipop (I got blue cotton candy, my favorite flavor) and a sticker with a hashtag on it and I left.

Then I got to wend my way back from the place where the vaccinations were happening -- it was a big event on the college campus, since they have a lot of nice big rooms and wide open spaces there -- and it happened I was coming back from a direction I do not usually wend my way from, and I dropped into Michaels. Usually I go to Joann's, because they have fabric, which Michaels doesn't, and Michaels is generally a bit froofier in the sorts of craft supplies they stock at least locally, but the Michaels and the Joann's are right across the street from each other, and I still haven't heard anything about my special order on the floss color that Joann's was out of. Michaels doesn't have the full range of DMC colors, but I took a look and they did in fact have the color I needed.

Then I wandered around some, because Michaels actually does have a bigger yarn selection than Joann's, and I found some Patons Kroy (my absolute favorite sock yarn for feel and texture) in a colorway I didn't loathe, which is *not* something I've been able to find since they stopped making that one colorway with all the orange and black and gray stripes, which I loved dearly and can't remember the name of. So I was like "this will be just the thing for that one lace scarf I was looking at that needs wool yarn in case it has to be blocked to look right", because knitted lace is like that and you can't block acrylic. You can "kill" acrylic but that's different and I'd rather not.

Um. Anyway. Then I wandered around some more, because I get into Michaels so seldom that it's handy to look at what-all they've got while I'm there. Over the past... week or so I have had a sudden bout of wanting to color in coloring books, because that happens to me sometimes; there was an impulse trip to the Walmart way out in the boondocks on the unlit road for Crayola colored pencils, because I decided I was not going to pay eight times as much for Prismacolors.

(The really infuriating thing about coloring books, in my opinion, is that right now you can either find the kiddie newsprint coloring books which are with us always, of course, or you can find "adult coloring books" which are *in-fucking-variably* filled with horses and lions and whales and other large charismatic mammals covered in what look for all the world like quilting patterns. If I wanted to color a rendition of a quilt filled with tiny stripes and polka dots, I'd get some graph paper! And the dots and lines and so forth are so tiny that you can *only* color them with colored pencils, because that's Adulty.)

(Yes, I know they sell coloring pages on Etsy and places. I've been avoiding the print shop for at least a month and a half now, when if I would put the things on my thumb drive and go to it, I could start getting my student loans out of default. I would never wind up printing coloring pages off of Etsy. No, I don't know why. Print shops scare me, perhaps slightly worse than post offices.)

Um. Where was I? So I had gone way far out to the Walmart nobody goes to which therefore often has interesting things in stock, and I had discovered that Crayola still does the glitter crayons I had coveted as a tiny, and they also make double-ended scented markers, which are like the coolest thing ever to the tiny early-nineties child I still am in my heart. So as of this morning, my kitchen counter was completely covered with... things. There was already the sewing machine and the Dr Pepper that doesn't taste like an old shoe, and the peanut butter and the elephant-shaped porcelain wax-warmer, but there had been a narrow slot where I could put a plate and eat my meals -- my only table having been co-opted a year ago by my workstation. Now that slot was filled with various Crayola products and a coloring book with mermaids in it, which at least had a few pages that could be colored partly with markers or crayons, instead of being entirely minced into geometric shapes barely larger than a pencil lead.

SO, what happened after I got vaccinated and found yarn and floss, is that I found out that Crayola still makes the *pearlescent* crayons I coveted even more as a kid. I had gotten one in a little sample pack included with my big 64-box, and it was very precious to me. It's long gone now, of course.

So of course then I bought the pearlescent crayons, and then I bitched at Leia for a while about how I didn't have any coloring books I could use these wonderful crayons *on* unless I wanted to go back to the Lisa Frank newsprint of my youth. (They did actually have Lisa Frank. I strongly considered it. But my tastes have evolved beyond newsprint.)

Then I googled some things, and I found Walmart listing a Crayola mandala coloring book. I went to look for it, and I didn't find it, but I did find a different coloring book with "stained glass" style pictures (sadly not on actual tracing paper, but it occurs to me that if I could source some tracing paper, which it further occurs to me that I haven't seen in years although admittedly I haven't been looking, that I could *trace them* and color them and tape them on my windows like the tacky '90s kid I am), which GLORY HALLELUJAH has spaces big enough to fucking color in!

...Michaels also had neon and metallic Crayola crayons. I might go back. They were 24-packs of each. The single silver and gold crayons from my mom's 64-pack were pretty much only used for Easter eggs in our house, so as not to use them up. I just -- I have a wealth beyond imagining of special effect crayons and markers available to me, and I'm struggling to find anywhere to use them. This seems backwards.

So anyway, then I also found a cute sundress big enough to go over my ass, and then I sat in the furniture section for a while and pondered buying a new table so I wouldn't have to keep stacking coloring books on top of the peanut butter jar in order to eat, and it occurred to me that if I took down my Christmas tree, which I've had up since the Before Times (having gotten it from in fact the same Walmart east of anywhere after all the rest in town were sold out of the particular model), then I would have a space along the back of the kitchen counter where I could hypothetically put a table.

So, because I am a sensible and moderate individual, I bought a thing of string to tie up the Christmas tree branches with, and did not buy a table yet. Then it was time for D&D, so I hurried home and put my vaccination card on the fridge and got into the voice chat and started taking down the Christmas tree.

Then it was five hours later, and I had started konmari-ing the whole apartment in order to have somewhere to store the Christmas tree, and I had discovered that my closet shelf was almost entirely full of empty cardboard boxes, so I had pulled all those out and rifled through them to make sure they didn't contain anything important, and after rescuing three cards from a friend and one glasses chamois, I stuffed most of the boxes in a trash bag, jammed the condensed Christmas tree and all the winter blankets and my air mattress and various other wintry things into the giant box my office chair came in, managed to get that giant box up onto the closet shelf (I have some soreness around my injection site but I honestly don't know if it's a side effect of the vaccination or a pulled muscle from wiggling a very large heavy box into a very tight space over my head), and moved the Goodwill oddities into a midsize box that I think I brought my workstation home in, but they just moved the remaining onsite agents into a much smaller room so I don't think I'm going to be asked to bring my workstation back for a while, and when I do go to bring it back I think the monitors will fit nicely in my washtub.

(I'm giving Goodwill my crockpot. After I forgot the garbanzos in it for three days until the chicken broth started to stink, I decided I am not a person who needs to own a crockpot. Also something like eight skeins of rather ugly yarn because I bought too much for the baby blankets I was making.)

(I'm not sure why I own a washtub. It's bright blue and plastic. It does have a use, which is to hand-wash my weighted blanket in occasionally, as of course you can't put twenty-odd pounds of glass baubles in a washing machine.)

(I certainly did make some life choices that led me here, did I not.)

Annnnyway, so now I have an almost empty three-drawer Rubbermaid dresser, an entirely empty and extremely large Rubbermaid tote (I'm pretty sure I could trap myself in there, but I haven't tried), a mostly empty square ottoman which is also a storage box, and a royal shitton of tiny things like office supplies and party favors that don't *go* anywhere.

"A place for everything" is the really hard part, you know. I achieved it once. Then I moved out of that apartment and have never achieved it again. Once things *have* places, then even if you don't have the spoons to put the peanut butter jar back in the pantry right *now*, you know it has a spot between the Hormel and the Chef Boyardee, and it's way easier than "oh god if I open the pantry there won't be any room and I'll wind up putting the peanut butter under the bathroom sink with the Johnnie Walker Black or maybe over the kitchen sink on top of the Thermacare back wraps."

(You're supposed to store whisky upright in a cool dark place, okay. None of the upper cabinet shelves are tall enough, so I could have put it either directly over the water heater or directly next to the oven. Instead it lurks behind the toilet paper, next to the Clorox wipes and the pre-pandemic Lush bath bomb, which I should... probably use at some point.)

Erm. So then I was pondering what-all storage I would need to source in order to begin having places in which to put things, *findable* places which is the real grail, and -- I think I took a pause to read Dreamwidth and someone linked me a plushie trilobite, okay. I haven't yet entirely decided whether to buy it, but it occurred to me that I definitely have no home for a plushie trilobite, any more than for the amazing Zaeed plushie currently trapped under my cross stitching or the Star Wars Build-a-Bear who was supposed to make Ewok noises until three weeks of freeze-thaw cycle in a malfunctioning package locker did for his electronic squeaker, or the poor American Girl doll languishing inside the ottoman.

So then I was like "we used to have that little net corner hammock for stuffed animals when I was a kid, we never could get it mounted right, but perhaps with fewer cooks that would be a good option". So I googled for one, and all I could find was an assortment of JUMBO five-or-six-foot-long double-deep toy hammocks, obviously necessary to keep your child from drowning in the flood of stuffed animals that have taken over beds in the past thirty years.

(Okay, I was pretty toy-deprived as a kid, the 1980s were not in general what you would call a time of less stuff in American households. Still. I have a twin bed. I can hardly even *find* a toy hammock that wouldn't be bigger than my bed in some dimension.)

So then, it being the aforementioned five hours later with a lot of D&D combined with hard physical labor in the middle, I said to myself, said I, "Hammocks are made out of net, and nets are made out of strings." And by god, if there is one thing I'm better at than another, it is making things out of string. I've never actually gotten around to trying out the whole process of making an actual fisherman's net, which is much more closely related to tatting than to knitting, but I have yarn and most of the possible knitting or crocheting supplies I would need to invent things.

Which, at long last, explains why I have paused to write this halfway through creating a triangular filet crochet toy hammock out of sparkly yellow yarn.

Joann's is having a 50% off sale on plastic storage whatsits tomorrow, but I think I'll probably spend a large part of the day putting office supplies into ziploc bags and hanging them in rows on the wall with pushpins so as to figure out what-all I in fact own.

[clearlyaginger]

oh my god.

so idk how much of this I posted on tumblr so I’ll just start from the top.

I had to repaint my halo suit this year before wearing it. I HAD thought it would be cool to paint it a metallic teal color, rather than the classic master chief green. so I found these 3oz cans of colorshift stuff from amazon, because that was the only size to exist apparently. like throughout all of the internet. that was the only metallic teal I could find. there was another color I liked better but it was out of stock and rustoleum said it would be so for several months. So I bought 4 cans of that stuff.. at $15 each. $15 for 3oz. if you cannot picture the size of a 3oz can, it is very small. picture those little party size coke cans. or maybe a half-eaten roll of ritz crackers. so I bought 4 of these. I am just trying to get the point across that I spend $60 on these tiny cans of paint.

and.... it took a whole can to paint just the helmet so I said oh fuck no. then spent $30 at walmart for some basic teal (and other colors I was low on) with no cool properties. and I painted the helmet... and I did not like the way it looked. So, after ALL THAT, I decided just to repaint the suit with the same master chief green....... that I alrEADY HAD. I SPENT $90. AND I CANT RETURN THE UNOPENED PAINT FROM AMAZON BECAUSE “flammable items are not eligible for returns”

and to add to the insult.... I went to Joann’s for some more acrylics and they, in their spraypaints.. they had the same colorshift stuff... for $10.99... and in 11oz cans.... disrespectful.

[hartigays]

tag game: 50 Qs

i was tagged by: @yogurtfordinner thank u bby mwah 💜

1. what is the color of your hairbrush? black and it has no handle because i threw it across the room once when i was mad at my hair and i still haven’t gotten a new one. it’s been 5 years. this is just who i am

2. name a food you never eat: meatloaf and pork chops are the big ones, the texture and taste are both abhorrent

3. are you typically too warm or too cold? i’m always way too fucking warm i run so gd hot and it’s awful

4. what were you doing 45 mins ago? eating lol

5. what’s your favorite candy bar? heath bars go so fucking hard (reese’s cups are my favorites but idk if those count as a candy bar)

6. have you ever been to a professional sports game? yup! baseball, football, hockey, and soccer (i hate sports but i like game food and tailgating)

7. what is the last thing you said out loud? “that stupid bitch kellyanne conway got covid lol”

8. what is your favorite ice cream? neapolitan!

9. what was the last thing you had to drink? water

10. do you like your wallet? yeah it’s cute and has my favorite lil keychains on it

11. what is the last thing you ate? mac n cheese and a pulled pork sandwich 🤤

12. did you buy any new clothes last weekend? no i haven’t bought new clothes in over a year, not counting the tshirts i got at walmart recently to sleep in lmao

13. what’s the last sporting event you watched? i never watch sports but the last event i attended was an atlanta united game last summer, although i was so fucking smashed from the tailgate i don’t remember much of the game lol

13. what is your favorite flavor of popcorn? just regular popcorn? i don’t like kettle corn, caramel corn is okay tho

14. who is the last person you sent a text message to? my sister

15. ever been camping? yeah my dad used to take me and my sister camping all the time growing up, both at campsites and just randomly in the woods somewhere

16. do you take vitamins? nope i never remember to

17. do you regularly attend a place of worship? nope

18. do you have a tan? yeah a risidual tan from when i went to the beach at the end of july

19. do you prefer chinese food or pizza? i don’t have a preference it literally just depends on what i’m in the mood for

20. do you drink your soda through a straw? back when we could go to restaurants i exclusively used straws but i don’t now that i eat everything at home since i can use my own cups (putting my mouth directly on restaurant cups even before pandemic was just 🤢 to me)

21. what color socks do you usually wear? whichever ones are clean, but most of my socks are heavily patterned bc i own like 400 pairs of marvel socks since i get some in my stocking every christmas

22. do you ever drive above the speed limit? lol i live in georgia so yes i drive like i’m in a nascar race

23. what terrifies you? the dark, centipedes, cockroaches, catfish, heights, and depths (like deep ocean, it’s horrifying)

24. look to your left, what do you see? my dog’s giant bucket of toys that he has bc he’s a spoiled little shit

25. what chore do you hate most? folding laundry

26. what do you think of when you hear an australian accent? chris hemsworth lmao

27. what’s your favorite soda? dr. pepper

28. do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive thru? if you sit down inside a fast food restaurant (even before pandemic) i will assume you are a serial killer

29. what’s your favorite number? 16

30. who’s the last person you talked to? my parents

31. favorite cut of beef? i don’t know why this question confuses me so much but it does so i’m skipping it thank u for coming to my ted talk

32. last song you listened to? like that bitch by flo milli

33. last book you read? i reread the outsiders for the 500th time at the beginning of quarantine

34. favorite day of the week? saturday

35. can you say the alphabet backwards? no i cannot i’m too adhd for that i get lost

36. how do you like your coffee? it depends where i get it from but when i make it at home i just take it with one sugar and a variable amount of cream (i just eyeball it), usually iced

37. favorite pair of shoes? my puma sandals

38. time you normally get up? well currently i’m not in grad school and i don’t have a job so honestly? i’m up whenever i’m up, usually around 10:30-11:00

39. what do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets? sunsets

40. how many blankets on your bed? right now none because i’m washing my bedding but usually i have like 3 (not counting my comforter or sheets)

41. describe your kitchen plates. they are white and ceramic (maybe? idk what things are made of)

42. describe your kitchen at the moment. covered in cases of beer bc my parents just stocked up on their favorite festive fall beers

43. do you have a favorite alcoholic drink? tequila shots with salt and lime, or vodka cranberries

44. do you play cards? no

45. what color is your car? black

47. can you change a tire? no but given how many times i’ve had to call AAA to change one for me i should’ve learned by now lmao

48. your favorite country? spain

49. favorite job you’ve had? chemistry teaching assistant in uni 🥺 i miss it and my students so much

50. i’m tagging: @thursday-knight @dracula-incarnate @teenytinierlion @bisexual-cupcake @hennwilson @passivenovember @sunsetsalex @grabmyboner @stevefuckingharrington

[flameontheotherside]

Times The Law Of Attraction Worked For Me

These things happened when I was homeless for a year 2019. I'm listing these things because as I was homeless, alone, scared and around very questionable ppl literally 24/7. My mom was there with me until the homeless shelter was able to get her in a housing program.

1. I asked to stay at Salvation Army longer and to get into the homeless shelter where my mom was at. After my suicide attempt I was released to go to salvation army. They limit 3 nights and somehow I stayed for 3 more. Then I was surprised at the very last minute to be picked up and sent to the shelter my mom was at and I had an empty bed right across from my mom.

2. I had a Walmart white and blue striped bag and it was falling apart. It was a backpack/purse thing. While I was out on the town, my mom sent me a text of a American Eagle bag (needed some sowing) and it looked exactly like my old one. I still have it!

3. I wanted a better pillow. The one they gave me wasn't even a pillow. My mom gave me one she "sneaked" in for me.

4. My new phone was stolen and I got another one days later. I lost my phone in a panic over my mom leaving for another and better shelter. They tried to get me in but was a bust. Anyway my social worker bought me a new phone and it was better than the one stolen.

5. I got two pairs of glasses (one month apart), a purple and then a red from the donations room. Both of them are my favorite colors. Both of them were ray bans and although the prescription was a little bit stronger, they still allowed me to see. I lost one pair at the beach and the purple one's were taken from me during my sleep in San Antonio, Texas.

6. I wanted a brimmed hat. Like the ones you see people wear on Instagram. I wanted a black one. I went to the donations room, my eyes landed on a blue one hanging to the back left on a rack. I got a grey one about a week later. Unfortunately they had to be left behind in Miami.

7. I got into a good women shelter just outside of San Antonio, TX. It was like a mansion with a big yard, big rooms and the bed rooms kept 3-4 women. It was hidden behind a police station. We had a huge kitchen with everything. EVERYTHING was there. They provided everything.

8. I asked to get a decent Job. I worked 4 days at a hotel. Dish washing.... before not showing up ever again. Instead got a job just working three hours for 3 days just stocking the freezer. Alone with my music and free drinks.

9. I asked to get approved for Disability (government income assistance for people with disabilities) and with the help of a lawyer and after one failed court hearing. Not only did I get approved but I got approved for a lot more than the usual. Let's say my back pay is going to be significant. It's in the double digits of thousands.

10. I gave a girl the last bit of my tressemme color conditioner. The next day in the donations room, I found the same conditioner with the same amount as the one I gave away. I grabbed it and showed her that night to compare.

Yes I could have decided to give up and do nothing. Instead of being sorry for myself (actually I was because being homeless sucks). I could have decided to not ask too. So it's because of these things I know what I'm talking about.

When I asked, I didn't think about it anymore.

There was always a lot going on though. I think it made asking easy. So I was able to forget about what I wanted or needed. There was drama at the shelter and being hospitalized for being sick, a lot goes on.

When you ask, go on about your business and just forget about it, you're not stressed, you don't care all too much because it wasn't that important, you'll get what you want. Sometimes it doesn't work out that way. Divine will decides to give you what you want as a "free be".

"The Secret" is not giving a fuck.

The thing is you need to be really okay with getting what you don't want. Like I didn't have another bag if it were to fall apart. I didn't want it to break because I loved it. Had to accept the fact I'd have to find another one and I'm picky so it was going to be a pain. It was a miracle that my mom found a name brand version replica of the cheap bag I had falling apart.

When you want something. You should ask for it, say thank you, don't think about it and be thankful every day for what you do have.

All this is important.

If you want something you need to believe in it, do something and be grateful for what you do have.

😘💕 Love you guys!

[this-lioness]

Just another boring update

Don’t know when I last left off so forgive me the rambling.

We seem to finally be in a stretch of good weather, so hopefully it’s finally here to stay.  I was starting to think it would be low 40s, cloudy and wet for the balance of the year.

The back garden is up and running.  I gave up on my seed starters, all of which sprouted and then promptly stopped growing.  Next year I’m resolved to counting 8 weeks backwards from Mother’s Day weekend before I plant.  I think lingering indoors for so long fucked them up.

But we’ve got tomatoes, red bell peppers, eggplant, zucchini, onions, cucumbers, pinto beans, corn, strawberries and then some basil, parsley, sweet mint, and oregano.  This on top of the berry plants.

I’m not sure what’s up with the onions... they grew for a bit and -- like the others that were started indoors -- just sort of... stopped doing anything.  I just went out and trimmed the greens to about two inches, so we’ll see if that gives them a little nudge. Plus now I’ve got onion greens for an omelette tomorrow.

The blueberries flowered, and now I’m side-eyeing them for actual berries.  This is their last year to do something other than take up space.  The blackberries are already flowering, looking very handsome.  Raspberries are well on their way.  I continue to wage an ongoing battle against the beast known as thistle, which can go fuck itself sideways.

We added ten bags of fresh pea gravel to the patio, which had naturally begun to sink a bit since we put it in.  We could add another 5 bags in easily, but it already looks much better and fuller.

I gave up on the notion of harvesting the maple seed pods to eat.  Oh, there were certainly enough of them, but due to the wind and rain they all ended up soggy and on the ground, and I wasn’t keen on eating them.  I cherry picked a small handful, however, and just got in some peat pots to plant next year’s baby maples.  The others have all gone to new homes!

We also picked up three frog tadpoles and probably two dozen “toadpoles” from the garden center, along with some water lettuce, a hyacinth and a water lily.  I had to take my Mom to Ollie’s today, and while there I got a “mister” for the hose, so we’re quite ready to spend the summer in our little back yard oasis.

After our Saturday afternoon gardening we even broke out the ciders and played some baggo, and we’re already looking forward to getting out there again this weekend.  Hopefully the rain in the forecast ends up hitting earlier or later than anticipated.

While we were out there working on Saturday we heard two dogs in one of the adjoining yards fighting each other.  Not super unusual, but then one of them started screaming in pain.  I ran up to the second floor to see what the hell was happening, and spotted two of the neighbors in the back trying to separate their dogs through the chain link fence -- the pitbull that’s always barking at people in other yards had grabbed the other dog by the face through the links in the fence, and they couldn’t get him to let go.

They did finally separate them, somehow, and the bitten dog seemed okay, so I don’t know what happened after that.  That pitbull is a fucking menace, though, and now it’s obvious why the neighbor on the other side put up a solid vinyl fence, shitty or otherwise.

My Mom’s little garden bed is up and running now, as well -- zucchini, tomatoes and peppers, plus a bunch of different herbs, some annual flowers and a potted blackberry.  If the blackberry seems to do well over the next couple months we’ll dig out a little bed for it and get it planted.

We’re already battening down the hatches for coming fall and winter. They say it’s going to be bad, and while we can hope for the best we’re planning for the worst.  We gave up on the notion of turning the attic into a guest room and instead bought three heavy duty shelves which Marc put up this weekend.  Every time we get groceries I pick up a plus-one of this, a little extra of that.  I’ve got some dry bulk containers coming in soon, both for us and for my Mom, and I think she’s keen to start stocking her larder as well.

In a stroke of luck (I hope), I happened to find a chest freezer on Walmart’s website that wasn’t backordered.  Snatched it up as fast as I could, and supposedly it will get delivered by the end of the month. I say “I hope” because I won’t believe it until I get a shipping confirmation... you can’t find freezers anywhere right now, and most places say they’re backordered until July or August.  We already have ours, but this one is for my Mom -- I think it will give her a good excuse to spend the summer cooking, preserving and freezing so they’ll be in a better spot at the end of the year.

The other thing we’re trying to get our hands on is a greenhouse.  The little plastic one we got for free has been great for preserving plants through the frost, and storing stuff out of the way, so by the end of the year we want to upgrade to a more permanent structure.  We’re also going to cut a hole in the door so that Fidget (and the other ferals) can use it for extra shelter and warmth in the winter.

We’re just... doing what we can.  Keeping an ear to the ground so to speak.

Right now I want to go dig up an old fic of mine and give it another read.

Hope you’re doing well.

[lostborderline]

7/17/20

I intended on waking up earlier today than expected to set the mood of the day but I woke up when my boyfriend got home at 7 AM. As you know, I strive to make my days off the best it can possibly be. I consider it to be an actual good day. Anyway, I decided to drive all the way out to Norwich to buy a printer. Why a printer? I decided I wanted to sell shirts. I go there to find out they are out of stock of the printer I wanted when the website said they’re in stock. What the fuck man. So I went further out to another town and luckily they had it. It’s Canon brand. I also picked up some other stuff like white shirts a mini sewing kit, transfer paper, and a pie pan cause I want to make a pie. I also did my grocery shopping there. I did get some good food like patties for burgers, an onion, some lunchables, a big case of water bottles to freeze, milk, salad mix, and some bags of frozen veggies. I also got strawberries to make another rhubarb pie. Honestly can’t remember if I got anything else. After the whole shopping thing we had to get back quick to pick up our checks and cash them. We waited a while in line at the bank which sucked. When we got home, I realized that my printer wasn’t wireless and connected via USB, which my MacBook doesn’t have. I dropped my boyfriend off after putting away the groceries and headed to Walmart in my town hoping they would have the USB C to USB. Of course they didn’t. I had to go out to another town to a Best Buy to get it. It was $20, wow. But it was Apple brand. Cold Stone Creamery was across the street so I stopped there and got a cup of cookie dough ice cream with extra jimmies and peanut butter cup. They only put one peanut butter cup in like what the fuck. Skedaddled home to start the process of making my first crop top. I picked out an image (I didn’t draw it because I wanted to test it out and I didn’t want to wait) and flipped it horizontally and printed on the transfer paper. I then ironed it onto the shirt. It came out beautiful. I’ll post pics. After that was done I posted on Facebook, got 5 shares within the span of 15 minutes. I decided to create a logo/icon for my shop so I spent and hour and a half drawing that. I had to use my other laptop (an 11 inch red Windows Dell laptop that turns into a tablet I bought in 2017 for $350) which I fucking hate. It’s so slow now and it deletes all my data after it goes into sleep mode. I just use it because my tablet I have now to draw won’t work with my MacBook for some reason and I also use it for Paint Tool Sai. Because of that, I decided to spend $85 on a Wacom tablet at Best Buy that I will be picking up tomorrow after work. I’m excited because it has to work on my MacBook.