#by the time i got to the gas station from walmart my brain was so fried i couldnt register that there was a keypad on the pump

[two-calicos-in-a-trenchcoat]

Ooooookay so not sure im gonna keep going to walmart to get my groceries unless absolutely necessary cuz the one closest to my house is awful

Its fucking massive. The app tells you the wrong aisles for everything. And there were way too many fucking people. Not a fan.

[st-peculiar]

Maxwell hcs to complete my collection

-my biggest one is that she’s trans(!!) When she came out in her late teenage years, her family became very aggressive towards her which led to her getting a restraining order against them. Being accepted into MIT at such an early time was a huge relief for her because it allowed her to be more open about her identity and to acquire the necessary medical treatments and surgeries she needed. Later on when she accepted the job at Goddard, the first person she told about being trans was Kepler, who said something along the lines of that he recruited her for her brain and the rest didn’t matter to him in the grand scheme of things. The autonomy that Kepler gave her made Maxwell trust him greatly, so he was the first to “know” (he already knew, obviously, so the technical first person she told this about to was Jacobi)

-always dehydrated. Girl is is never in a state of bodily harmony

-takes every moment she can to talk about her work. She could be in a gas station at three in the morning and telling the cashier about a recent breakthrough and they’re just nodding along

-this one’s pretty much canon but since she isn’t in contact with her bio family, she always celebrates holidays with Kepler and Jacobi. Most the time it’s going to Kepler’s place for a meal or Jacobi’s for a game or movie night. Kepler rarely goes to game nights though cause he’s a sore loser. Maxwell wins most the time at strategic games and Jacobi gets annoyingly lucky on chance games. Uno and monopoly are banned.

-insomniac. A terrible habit from college that stuck around into her adulthood

-Walmart has pistachio flavored muffins and I think Maxwell would love them. (Personal note: my family just got a pack of them today when they were stocked. I’m thrilled at the prospect of being able to have a pistachio muffin tomorrow.)

-she and Jacobi picked up a lot of each others work as their friendship went on, so Maxwell knows a good bit of demolition work and Jacobi knows an above average amount about the nuances of AI

-on that note, Maxwell also often mimics the people she’s around (you can decide if it’s an autistic thing for her or just a Maxwell thing for yourself). Because she works closely with AI (non-human beings), she uses mimicry as a social mechanism to appear more “friendly” of sorts

-still in contact with her oldest sibling. They were really close as kids and due to the backlash against Maxwell after she came out, they were forced to grow distant and lost contact fully for a couple years. Her sibling eventually found Maxwell again while she was a senior at MIT, and they started to build back up their relationship again since then. Her sibling was the first to know about the new mission for the SI-5 to be sent up to Wolf 359.

-inexplicable love for fig newtons. (I’m projecting sorry. It will happen again)

-round blue light glasses! Just a fun little thought I have about her appearance. Very heavy duty glasses, was made by someone in the engineering sector of Goddard

-her apartment has a lot of mismatched furniture. The chairs at her table are all different, the couple pieces of furniture are all different colors and textures, an excessive amount of lamps, a bookshelf with a lot more than just books on it, and so on.

-her favorite fruit are raspberries

-the only sport she has ever done (and enjoyed) is rollerblading. Idk this is another one that feels right in my heart. It’s real to me

-always wanted to go to Spain. I think she’d have thrived tbh

-she clocked onto Jacobi’s “complicated feelings” for Kepler immediately. Gaydar off the charts. She teased him mercilessly for at least a week.

-all of her biro pens are worn down on the base end because shes subconsciously hitting them on whatever table she’s working at

-the only one out of the SI-5 that enjoys the fortune cookie wafers from the Chinese orders. She always has Jacobi (and Kepler if he’s around at the time) choose one for the fortune and then gives the cookie to her. In addition, she keeps all her own fortune papers in a glass jar in her apartment on the bookshelf. The metal top has a small slit in it so she can just slip the paper in. She has a small scar on one palm from when she was cutting out the piece of metal from the middle.

-speaking of hands, she’s ambidextrous to me. She taught herself how to utilize both hands when she was in elementary school for efficiency sake and it became a very useful skill later on when she was doing primarily computer work.

-learned how to write in multiple forms of shorthand because she was bored. When she’s taking hand written notes, she’ll switch between standard English and shorthand every so often, normally to abbreviate a long train of thought.

I was having some trouble wording this one but there’s some Maxwell hcs to finish off the SI-5 hc chronicles

[eowynstwin]

this is me asking for the monastery gelato story :)

I feel like this might be underwhelming lmao. So in May 2018, I went on a month-long study abroad trip to Florence, Italy to make art, eat pasta, and as it turned out sweat my ass off because Europe for some reason does not believe in the miracle of air conditioning.

The curriculum was VERY rigorous, not just academically but also physically by necessity of the fact that we had to walk fucking everywhere to get literally anywhere. I walked all over central Florence to get to museums, art galleries, various historical sites, and the international art school hosting us for in-studio classes.

One of the historical sites we visited was San Miniato al Monte, and I figured out the hard way that "al Monte" meant "at the top of a big fuckoff hill".

This is not my photo. The phone I took all my photos with for this trip shat itself in Venice when I left it next to a running sink. I have very few photos of this entire trip, and none of this story.

Luckily, we had a bus to drive us there! Just kidding. The bus took us from the station and deposited us at what I swear to god was the very base of the hill. We proceeded to walk up that hill for the next forty-five minutes.

Here's a fun fact about me: the heat makes my brain melt. I think it's an autistic thing. My brain also doesn't function when I'm hypoglycemic, which in Italy I always was because I'm a sensitive eater and didn't have enough time to figure out any safefoods (which I'll point out that at the time I didn't know was something I could or should do). Likely at that point in the day all I had eaten was a croissant and an espresso.

So I don't actually remember a lot about this day trip. I remember sweating like a whore in church (ha, get it, because it's a church), I remember a graveyard with old weathered statues, and getting eaten alive by mosquitos. We went inside, and I vaguely remember the interior.

Fun fact about churches in Italy, you have to cover your shoulders if you're a woman. I have a corny Venezia scarf from that trip to Venice that I had to buy last minute. But that's a story for another time!

So, after we got the tour we were set free to explore the grounds. Personally, I was not interested in exploring the grounds, on account of being near death by way of mosquitos and starvation and sweating every fluid from every pore. So I went to the gift shop. It was the only air conditioned building in the vicinity.

I remember there being a gorgeous rosebush outside the shop, heavy with pink blooms. I distinctly remember snapping a photo of the biggest of them, but that photo is lost to time and Apple products' vulnerability to singular drops of water. Before the gelato, that rose was the best part of my day--I've always loved flowers, and even when you're tired and hungry a pretty rose is going to remind you that life is not in fact horrible.

In the gift shop were displays of handmade little gifts directly from the monks that lived in the monastery. Little ceramic doodads and figurines, all hand painted and signed, lined the shelves, and in one corner of the shop was a waist-high freezer filled with plastic-capped paper cups.

I remember the pattern around the cups was green and pink and probably floral. I was of course minutes from death so I picked out the one that looked the fullest. It did not look impressive--just some chocolate ice cream, about the same size as little single serve cups you can get at Walmart or any gas station.

I paid maybe two euro for it, bought a little ceramic ewer to go with it (I don't have a picture of it but I'll post one later if I can find the thing), and found somewhere on the grounds to sit and eat.

I am an ex-Baptist and very passionate about that. I do not believe in the Christian god nor any of its associated divinity. But reader, when I took that first bite of gelato, Jesus Christ Himself floated down on a shaft of sunlight to stroke the hair away from my face and smile at me in the way a gentle parent might. The best ice cream I had ever eaten did not compare to how good this gelato was, on that hot Italian morning, in a quiet, weathered graveyard, with a rosebush swaying nearby in a breeze that finally seemed to be picking up.

I had gelato many, many times again on that trip--even from a very famous gelateria, Amorino, that you will probably find all over social media because they sculpt flowers out of gelato on a cone.

Not my picture. Venice must always have its pound of flesh. Apple products are more suicidal than lemmings.

But nothing, not a single scoop, compared to that little paper cup of gelato. I will likely never be able to find that gelato again, because to be candid I'm not even totally sure it was the San Miniato monastery we went to. Time, mental illness, and trauma have stolen a lot of memories from me. But I will never forget that little moment of piece and sweetness for as long as I live.

[rakshaspeaks]

Part two because I got distracted and forgot where I was going with that

But ok now let’s consider the actual roadtrip aspect itself which is something I’m personally very invested in as someone who has travelled the lower 48 extensively over the past 20 years. And by traveled extensively I mean several days on the road at a time, in a 1987 F-350, cheap motels if you’re lucky, but usually sleeping in Walmart parking lots, truck stops, rest areas….brushing your teeth in gas station bathrooms at 5:00 in the morning, just the worst food on the planet for weeks at a time…So yeah anyway watching the Impala cruise into every little small town across America brings back some memories. And I have the unique perspective of actually having been to most of the places they talk about. Which is why lines like “We’re about two hours out of Tucumcari” hit me with the ‘you absolutely are fucking not >:[ (Now I know, like I kNOW, logically, it’s not feasible budget wise to film on location in all these places for this type of show bUT) The idea of your favorite monster hunting found family brothers in crime tv series actually showing the scenery from the places they’re hunting just gets my little geography nerd heart fluttering. And what a way to educate about the states bc there is so much more than the handful of state parks we see in textbooks. I mean we all see the jokes about Americans being uneducated about the geography of the world but honestly unless you do happen to be able to travel and see it yourself most of us are pretty clueless about our own country too. And I just think getting to see the diversity in the people and landscapes and infrastructure across the country is so important in terms of like, empathy and perspective you know? And it’s just fascinating to me because all of these little towns are exactly the same and yet wildly different and each one of them is somebodies normal? Like it’s their home and their elementary school and their grocery store and their local landmarks and their native flora and fauna and their best friend from high-schools house that they pass everyday but haven’t spoken to in years and there’s just millions of them across the country. And the biodiversity is insane I mean you’ve got the swamps and the coasts down south and the big old oak trees dripping in Spanish moss and the black rivers cutting through the woods, and the vast plowed fields in the I states with their massive barns and grain bins, then you have the grasslands and mesas and the canyons in west Texas and the forests and mountains and deserts in Arizona and the monolithic rock formations in the deserts of New Mexico and the hills in Oregon that are bigger than any concept of a hill you could imagine not to mention the Columbia river thundering it’s way out into the ocean and geez that’s not even a fraction of it there’s just so much to see. And even within states you have these massive changes in the landscape like it takes an entire day just to cross through Texas and it’s a while different world by the end of the day. But the opportunity to actually show a bit of that with every new hunt is wildly under appreciated imo, and obviously what’s done is done film wise but fic writers I’m looking at you 👀 . There’s so many spooky elements you can draw out of the landscape itself it’s just unbelievable. Like you remember that post that’s something like “Europe is spooky because it’s old but America is spooky because it’s big”? It fucking is and we need to use that more I think. So basically I’m saying Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives but with ghosts and monsters 😃.

Anyway more later bc my brain is mush these days and trying to string together a sentence is wearing me out y’all

Alright bear with me but do you have any idea how absolutely fucking baller Supernatural would have been if they had just leaned into the brothers on a perpetual roadtrip hunting down every spook of the week premise? Because I have some thoughts about it and honestly the first few seasons were such a fun watch, I mean you got the gothic horrors, the whodunit murder mysteries, the possessions and good old fashioned exorcisms, the creatures, the hauntings, the witches, the curses, etc… I mean even if you end up having the same type of spook the potential for different motives and backstories and scenarios were endless. Like Dead in the Water? The fucking lake is haunted? And Children Shouldn’t Play with Dead things? Grandma was doing hoodoo to protect her family from her dead sister? The Usual Suspects? Ghost is actually trying to warn people that the cop who murdered her is coming for them next?

[spooki-ghoztzz]

slams hands on invisible table cutely. ahem.. vincent x reader x scott. poly relationship. reader complains about gas prices bc like very expensive.. cries. vincent says reader is dramatic, the gas ends up costing like 100 dollars and then.. …… OMG WHO WOULDVE GUESSED?! CUTE FLUFF CUDDLES BECAUSE EVERYBODY DHATES INFLATION!!! make this into a fic plz. i have too small of brain to fit all of ideas.

( undwuhedih this so fucking silly i love it sm- i may have changed this around a bit but i hope you enjoy this! )

(love my two gay husbands <3)

Both Vincent and Scott were sat on the couch with you as they listened to you ramble on and on about gas prices being so high. Vincent stopped you mid-sentence and sighed. “y/n..you’re being dramatic-” he said with a chuckle only getting a glare(?) from Scott.”They aren’t. How about we even CHECK then,Vinny.” That only got a small confused look from Vincent and he simply shrugged.”Sure,we need snacks anyways!”

They decided to let you stay in the “love bus” as they walked over to a gas station right next to the walmart. You laid back on your shared bed and stared up at the LED lights for most of the time till you almost jumped hearing Vincent yell,”100 DOLLARS FOR G A S SCOTT!” “I know,Vinny i saw it t-” “It’s so dumb! i swear- oh hey y/n! we got some snacks,drinks..ya want anything?”

You simply open your arms,which both Scott and Vincent knew was a small sign you wanted to cuddle and just kinda forget about the word. Scott climbed into bed with you as Vincent went to put the snacks and drinks away. Scott put his arms around you and rested his phone-head on your chest with a soft hum.”You’re cozy..” “Pff,thanks Scott.”You said as you gave his phone-head a gentle pat.

Vincent came over with a small pout.”Heyy..starting cuddles without me is mean!” “Too late,Vinny i have already claimed my cuddle spott..”Scott said in a sleepy tone. Vincent playfully rolled his eyes as he got into bed,holding both you and Scott close. It didn’t take long for Scott to doze off which leaved you and Vincent awake. “Hey i’m sorry if i hurt your feelings about being dramatic..” You just smiled and shook your head.”Nono,it’s fine. Plus i was kinda being that way wasn’t i?”You sighed but blushed a tad once Vincent gave you a soft kiss on the forehead.

“y/n,you should know i was just joking around. now shush- i’d rather not wake up Scott..you know how grumpy he gets-” He said with a laugh,nuzzling into you with a hum. “fine finee..just don’t say it again.” “no promises.”

[goddessjynx]

Any parent please answer?

Idk if anyone will see this, but right now I need just anyone to tell me I'm not crazy.

Am I a bad friend for wanting to hang out with my ex-bestie (eb for short) while she has her kids or she's busy and can't hang, so I offer to come over, to help watch, to help clean? Anything just to be there for her, why? Oh because she was on her third child, at this time I literally went over to her house to play dnd with her husband and brother and her sometimes. So I would try and say "hi" or talk, but instead we stayed doing something else or barely said hi. Ok, fine, hormones, got it. It got to the point of she wouldn't want to hang out with me for reasons she stopped telling me decent sounding excuses. Fine, That's fine, I have other friends who I can hang with or find other things to stay inside and not get out of the house to do. I don't need to leave the house, to get away from the suffocating inside the house with a mentally and verbally abusive, controlling husband. That's. Just. Fine.

So you know, time goes on. we find out that the reason she won't hang out with me, but will hang out with the other girl who she hates (Mind you the other chick literally broke into their house, tried to start drama all the time, and be hazardous to her already two children But who am I to judge about the person you rant to me about how you hate them so much?) But the other chick was also pregnant after divorcing her wife. It's honestly such a mess. So "anyways, I get excluded now because I "Don't understand what she's going through" or "I won't have the same experience" or I'm "not a good source of help" Lol, Okay? I still can't help? Be happy for you? Cool. So things go on, and just things have gotten worse on my end. I'm over here with such a mind debilitating baby fever, that I'm having to pull my car over watching children get off the school bus because I'm in such a crying fit that I can't breathe or see straight. So who the hell would I go to about what do I do? My Bestie right? (There's a reason we are eb rn) I tell her, well try, Idk how much she actually listened. But I tell her how I just can't think about anything else right now. I did everything right, and the world keeps slapping me back.

I own a 4 bedroom house. we have two cars, we even have decently everything working out in our favor, But all of a sudden, I'm not good enough for anyone. My own husband two months after getting married said he hasn't found me attractive for the last two years. THAnks. That's a real boost. This didn't start the fights, but that's a whole other set of rants. about a year before my eb got pregnant, around or right before July 4th, I strictly remember, I was in the walmart fucking bathroom. I had felt so sick the weeks beforehand. Like, My menstrual cycle hates me. She's savage af. Not to mention she likes to disappear randomly and appear with just cramps or a whole flood. I never know. But I remember calling my husband in a panic because I don't know what to do while I had to go to the bathroom so bad it hurt, and all I have is half dollar sized clots. Just something my medical brain, and senior year of AP biology says, "Fuck!" I have him figure something out because I'm really needing someone to just hold me in the bathroom I feel so sick to my stomach. I'm dizzy and all these symptoms I tell him to tell the doctor or whoever he calls.. So he calls, they say whatever to him. I don't either remember or he never told me what they said, (this is a normal of hiding information from me, A LOT) They said (What he told me) to just wipe things up and clean up then if it persists in the next 24 hours to go into the hospital. But I will have to see an ob-gyn.

So, Okay. Nothing bad. but they are in charge of everything along those lines. But those were including two words, that I now know were the two words this man didn't want to hear despite, DESPITE all the teasing and jokes about having kids with me when I was younger with him and literally just dating. That was because I had to see a family planning doctor. I was told by HIM that it was nothing, and we will be fine. I just blamed it on my cramps that are horrible and never put thought to it because I had believed that's what he was told. So that's a trauma my brain locked away until recently as I'm going through my divorce right now. But, I was thinking about how shortly after that, I got a call from my eb about how they were all waiting on me because I'm making us late for bringing stuff to the grill out and bonfire later. Fine, mask all the pain and keep fucking going. right?

She seemed genuinely not worried, saying it was probably just a bad cycle. She gets them all the time too. Its whatever. My now bestie's sister has gone through the same thing I described multiple times, enough that she looked at me and was like, "No, You possibly miscarried." even her mom went on about, "they should've never NEVER brushed that off like they did. If they cared then they would've made sure you were ok. My husband denied me from going to the doctor to see anything about it. Even after when I knew my hormones and emotions were just soooo off. But that's in my mind now, when before maybe around the same time my eb came out saying to all of us even her own husband one time saying she's been feeling crummy because she went in and she found out she had miscarried. It was so short after my stuff that she disregarded then took and made attention for herself that upset her own husband because she never told him until she told a bunch of us at a bar. I mean I felt bad for her, but Now thinking back, my gut says it was a ploy to make her husband to feel bad for her and to try for another one. Where as I'm over here waiting patiently because I jumped through Hoops to get where I'm at now.

My husband promised me children. Lots, its a fucking dream to be a mum. I care for everyone else, and their kids, why not have some kind of mini me to show of what I did. That I did good. That I can be useful to this world too. That I'm not just a lump of no good nothing to this world. But first, he needed a better paying job than a gas station.

Did that, he worked at a metal parts production place. But we then gave the fact that we still live in the apartment I got after moving out from high school. We rented a house. It worked, and it was nice. But now he needs a car, but he cant do that until he learns how to drive. 3 years older than me and I taught him how to drive. AND I helped him buy his first car, a truck. Oh but now, we still can't start a family. We are only renting. I have enough good credit that I could get a house alone, but I needed a higher pay. Bam with his income together we got a house.

Bam, I'm hit with baby fever and what not. NOW I get told, we aren't ready for anything like that yet, so wait two years. Alright, I'll wait. I can do that. We were going to go on trips together and do many things together and all of a sudden, the walmart thing happened, and it just got worse from there. It got to a point I got a job paying BETTER than him and I was the laughing stock to him and his buddies. THANKS. But I'm fine, everything is fine. The walmart thing was about two years after, so I mean, it was actually in the time frame and whatnot. Things just kept going on getting worse at home, I just kept listening. For reasons, I had to quit my high paying job, and then everything got absolutely horrible at home. Had to put everything I had control over money wise into his account for he worried it would take too long to find an new job and make money to suffice for bills. It was argument after argument, but I went to my eb explaining things, asking what the hell do I do? Her advice? To just do what he wants. The thing I had to quit about? She basically never cared about it. Everything just went on being a mess. I went on just letting people walk over me because that was the advice I was given.

I voiced my feelings that I have been following lies and how I feel hurt that I'm told dreams and having them be taken away. We never went on trips much. Instead we would buy a crap ton of ammo or new guns that I'm not allowed to use, yet I'm helping fund so you can get them, but when it was my own that I BOUGHT, all of a sudden, my things went missing and he would be out using and letting his buddies use my new guns and using up the ammo I had purchased on my own. I mean, fine, but let me at LEAST take yours out if you're going to use mine without asking. It got to be so annoying that we would be asked when we would get married or when we would have kids. He would be hugging me and smiling all cocky saying "Oh well we haven't stopped trying." every time. He would start that tell people this and I finally had enough. I stopped him and told him to put his money where his mouth was. He always said shit but never actually did it or acted on what he said. He would just lie to everyone. Tell people lies because it sounded nice. Best part? I had bought a ring for him. I proposed to him because he would joke about things like that. So I basically said, "bet" and did it. I have never received a damn ring! He wouldn't even want to look at them with me. Because they were expensive. Not all of them are. I don't care what price it is, but something to say, "Hey, I love you and Don't want the odd peeps at the bar to keep hitting on you so take this with you, its dangerous out there." (Shut up. I'm a nerd) But like.... I just would make notions about, I wanted a ring. He would beg me to pool together money and buy new guns, I mean I"m not against, but I would bring up that I will want a ring. Or even something else would be you know, amazing right now because I'm in a lost place wanting kids still and my eb just announced they were having their third. (which her own family was so upset about it that they ranted to me and my mom, her own brother said that its just another kid that they will end up taking care of instead of her so she can go to the bars again. Yep) So next we talked about getting a gun safe because, before we can have kids, we need to be SAFE. Ight, we bought it. Nice matte black 33 capacity, fire and water proof, best part the front had a reallly pretty engraved waving American flag imprinted on it. It was just so smooth. (Guess who has that right now btw) So oddly enough in the middle of me not being enough for my eb, My cycle kind of returned to being semi regular, and all of a sudden disappeared. Well that whole month beforehand we went from never wanting to touch me unless it was my birthday to every night he was angry after work and took it out on me instead. I mean, whatever. But when it came to me not feeling well, I told him.

Instantly it wasn't mine. I was fooling with other guys. Like instant psycho. His childhood friend came and moved up with us, she saw this for a good few months and had to move out because he was trying to control her as if she were a child. She told me that it was not right for him to be that way and that she will never talk to him for how he treated her. (which was exactly how he was always with me too) I'm not sure if he was trying to get my jealous because his bff was a girl? Idk we worked out like literally sisters. Sooo much in common and she told me, She believes he's never wanted kids. And she watched how I broke down after he told me he wanted nothing to do with me until I took a test. He DEMANDED that I took a test right away. If it was positive, it wasn't his until proven so. And if it was negative he would be fine. this was ridiculous. He wasn't at all happy or excited. Purely upset. I felt so shitty that after the test was negative I told him and he threatened about it happening again he was leaving back to Kansas. He threatened this every damn fight, it got to the point that I gave up, I said leave then. And instantly he shut up. I got him out of gangs, crime, jail, living on the street or with his mum, and being a maaajor drug addict. Yet I'M THE BAD PERSON.

Back to recently when my eb is getting closer to having her kid, I just go through finding out I'm not and my husband is freaking out at me, nonstop yelling at me that I'm not good enough and all this shit. Yes, lil ol me trying to keep the peace in the house is a cunt and a whore. Wow. Name calling, but hitting where it hurts? I told him before, how my mother in an argument said I would be a horrible mother. And that shit sticks. IT STICKS. So what does the smart ass pull out? He repeats it. He says he's glad I'm not pregnant because I'd be a horrible mother in the end.

That. That just kills a person. That kills dreams and the feeling of wanting to keep living. Who the FUCK says that to their partner? Am I wrong for thinking that's not right? Well my eb thought I was. I told her my feelings. How I don't want to be jealous of her, but I am. That she's more beautiful, she's always had guys hitting on her in school inviting her to do things and hang out, I was the nerd in whatever class that got invited only if it was mandatory. She will be having three kids and a loving husband that can never take his hands or eyes from her, where as I have to act like a clown to get my husband to look up from his damn phone. To say something nice. To

be acknowledged while in the house. I've left and came back the next morning because I hung out at my now besties house. He didn't say a word until I came home the next morning and he looked at me like "when the fuck did you leave" No care, no love. I was stuck being a burden. Anything I ever did around the house was in vain. Everything I helped with I got shoved away because I didn't do it right. EVERYTHING I did was not good enough. I would tell him this that is how I felt and he would deny it. One day, I caught him yelling at me saying that what I did wasn't ever good enough. Calle him out right away. Bitch... He tried to change the wording to go around what he said. I HEARD IT. it was so bad I had to have my bestie on the phone to listen to how he talked to me behind closed doors. Away from public view. HER MOM HEARD IT. Thought she was watching some kind of dramatic show, until she realized it was me on the phone. She's listened to so many calls its unheard of. There was a day, I had enough of it. (Ok A lot actually) but I grabbed my laptop and my charger and left the house. I sat in the park drawing on my laptop. Texted every person I could think of that I cared so deeply for that they would care for me back. I was in a dark ass place asking for Advice. My eb shrugged off what my husband was doing and scolded me for leaving. For sitting in a park drawing out my feelings instead of being with him because he's being dramatic to her husband upset that I started an argument. I didn't understand what I started when it was over me telling him not to throw the controller when he loses a COD game because that's how it breaks. Why he threw it? Because I distracted him by playing with my cat while he was playing the damn game and made him lose! yep. Exactly that. So I was yelled at to quit. So I did. I went back to my drawing and then with my headphones on I was humming to my music. It distracted him and he lost. So I flipped out because I can't do anything in my own house without being scolded for it. So I stormed off to the bedroom to draw some more. I'm upstairs and away from him. Didn't want to eat now I'm stressed and upset. So I didn't cook anything and now he's hungry and upset at me for not making food yet. YES. That's how it started and I again was the bad person in the story for safely removing myself from an environment where all my mind was telling me to do was dark things that hurt to say. To give up on everything I have worked for and all my dreams.

That was the last time I spoke to her for a while because everything started to be only about baby and about doing this for baby. Doing that for baby. But then she would never answer me back. I was done trying to fit time to hang out. To do something, I made new friends who didn't have kids and hung out more with them. It got horrible. the sound of a child crying made my stomach hurt. I had non stop dreams of the same thing happening. It was just awful. I looked it up and it was just meaning I had something and lost it. Whatever is missing in the dream what what I had lost.

In this dream I was dressed in all black, lace and long dress covering every inch of skin on my body. I had a hat with a veil and I was rocking a bundle in my arms in an old decrepit room with peeling paint and broken toys. It was a nursery. An old ruined nursery. I was rocking just a black blanket swaddled with a hole that emptied to the void. It gives me chills, I get this dream so much that me explaining just makes my skin crawl and my body ache. It hurts to think of but I just cannot understand it. Makes sense now that I looked into it.

But me going through all of this, I can't talk to my husband about my feelings because I'm too needy and being selfish for not taking his feelings into an account. That he's not ready that we are not ready and that I'm not ready because I'm going to be a horrible mom. Cool.

I have tried so much. I couldn't be around kids. It made me so sick and I jus would have to find somewhere to hide and cry for hours. I would cry myself to sleep. Never getting comfort by him because I'm throwing a pity party. I was so hurt. Still am. I'm broken hearted. Thinking that if I had a kid, at least I would have something that needed me and would love the care I gave and would love me back. I wanted to feel loved for how much I put out in the world. I wanted to have something to ground me to this world before I did something stupid. I was in such a dark place that I drove an hour to go see my bestie because I was scared that I was going to do it. That I was going to be the big disappointment he told me I would always be. Three months later, baby is here and I go back to playing dnd with my friends and its at their house. My husband is rubbing it in my face. He's holding baby and talking to baby and doing all these things making my mind break. He asks if I want to hold her. If i if iififififi NO.

I can't I cannot. I'm trying to be respectful. I missed out on other games because I had to hype myself up. I procrastinated because I didn't know how I would be or if I could handle it. I got to the point that my eb's husband told me that he doesn't want me playing anymore because I sent a text trying to apologize to my now eb that I feel so bad but I can't see her right now since seeing her kids just sends me into a panic attack and I can't stop thinking horrible things. So she takes that as I have a problem with HER kids and not just the KIDS situation. Doesn't hear me out. blames me for everything and has me banned from coming over. in which her husband says he doesn't want me over anymore. Which my rebuttal is because she's telling him only. But he said it was his choice. I don't know don't care. It just hurt that THATS the reason I got kicked out. Not because I was good, but that I couldn't handle their kids. And I would not pay attention by drawing the whole time. I was distracting myself because I'm trying to drown out the noises of cooing making my gut rot and my mouth dry. So by all means I'm selfish for wanting a dream that I was being promised for the last 6 years of physically being with my soon to be ex. I've know for actually 12 years. And that I drove 15 hours to bring you to me since you couldn't drive.

So I need to know from real parents, was I out of line for telling my eb that I had feelings and that them not being heard or just cast to the side hurt? Am I crazy for feeling that I've been robbed? For being upset when my husband comes home drunk and abuses me? For being hurt when I'm called all sorts of names and told I'm worthless by the man I should trust the most? Please. I need to know.

I know I'm ranting, but I need to get it out. I need to find some sort of something to figure out why I'm feeling this way, or why I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I'm fighting for the divorce since i haven't been to my owned house in the last 5 months since he changed the locks on me. I moved an hour away from my home and my family and still to this day, I hurt to hear or watch children around me. I'm happy, but inside something aches and just feels empty. Not to mention that I got told by people that know me that he's been caught buying condoms. We are still technically married, and he can't be doing those things right now. Am I jealous? Upset? Hurt? All of the above? It just sucks and I'm drowning in debt a bit trying to work my ass off to get where I want in life again since all of everything has been ripped from me. I'm trying. Please let me know if I'm crazy or out of line? I want to be heard. I'm going to start to save up. I have a plan for my 27th birthday. If it doesn't work in time for my 28th birthday, I'm not sure what else I can do but join the 27 club.

[cowboyworf]

just because smoking cigarettes is a common addiction does not mean it isn't still an addiction and i feel like a lot of people forget that?

cigarettes are fucking hard to quit. research has shown that it can take smokers an average of up to 30 attempts to quit smoking before they finally succeed. (1, 2) there are a lot of factors for this, but one the of the major ones is the same reason people do not consider smoking to be a serious addiction- it is legal, it is accessible, it is everywhere.

when i got clean off of heroin, my counselors told me the same thing all addicts hear: you need to avoid the places you did the drug the most, you need to cut contact with the people you used with, and you need to get rid of the contact information of your dealers. easier said than done, but i did it. you know what i can't do? avoid gas stations, avoid walmart, stop hanging out with all of the people in my life (including the non-smokers) because my brain has been conditioned since the age of sixteen to have a smoke when i'm socializing. i have found ways to avoid heroin, but, unless i stop leaving my house entirely, i will never be able to avoid cigarettes.

just like alcohol, smoking is normalized and deadly complications take a lot longer to develop, which is one of the reasons i wasn't afraid to start. but we all know smoking is deadly and yet there is no empathy extended from non-smokers, even in people who "support addicts." smoking kills around 480,000 people in the united states alone and it cuts an average of 10 years off a person's life (3) but thats meaningless, because "you shouldn't have started in the first place."

when my mother died from cancer that spread to her lungs, the first thing people would say to me was, "oh, she was a smoker." they would spit that last word out like venom, a roundabout way of saying "i would feel bad, but she deserved it." mind you, my mother did not smoke and her cancer was and still is unbelievably rare, but it made me realize fast that if i die from smoking complications, my loved ones will not receive sympathy without and asterisk. that's sad, but you should have seen it coming.

more than anything though, more than all of this, i need people to recognize WHO smokes, because guess what? it is disproportionately POOR PEOPLE. people living in poverty smoke nearly twice as much as those who do not, blue collar workers start smoking younger and smoke more than white collar workers, and cigarette company advertising is much more prevalent in low-income communities. (4) we could speculate why this is, but there's no one true answer. in my experience, it's because poverty is fucking stressful, cigarettes suppress your appetite so you don't have to eat as often, and we do not have the same medical resources to help us quit as wealthier people do.

and SURPRISE! mental health plays a huge factor too. mentally ill people are two to four times more likely to smoke cigarettes than the general population. people with schizophrenia and bipolar disorder particularly have a higher rate of smoking, some studies suggesting 70 to 85% of schizophrenia and 50 to 70% of bipolar disorder. (5) i began smoking when the symptoms of bipolar disorder were in full swing and i was using excessive drug use to cope, since i had no access to mental health services. cigarettes made me feel less anxious. they gave me something to do with my hands and mouth and brain when i was manic. they gave me a community of other mentally ill smokers when i was alone.

i am not saying to stop promoting quitting or to go out and buy your first pack of cigarettes. starting smoking was the worst decision i have ever made. i am out in rain and snow and heat just to get my fix. i start weeping if i haven't had a cigarette in 6 hours. my asthma is 10x worse than it was before. my doctors assume every single problem i come in with is smoking related (or weight related, but that's a conversation for another day). my health is already declining and i have already tried to quit six times, to no avail.

all i am asking is that people acknowledge that smoking is a serious addiction too and give cigarette smokers even an ounce of empathy instead of treating us like we are these uneducated monsters who deserve to die.

(an addition: yes, some smokers are absolute assholes and should not be smoking in public around other people, nor should they be smoking around children or pets. yes, smokers should not litter either. i know that already. that's not what this post is about so make your own damn post lmao)

[onahikesomewhere]

For my 30th birthday I drove from Rochester New York to Acadia National Park in Maine. This would be my first time car camping outside New York State. Last summer I converted my CR-V into a makeshift camper. It’s not perfect, it’s no #vanlife but it works just fine for Koda and I. We fit like puzzle pieces in there.

We left Rochester at about 7pm on a Friday, I had a three day weekend ahead and needed to make the most of my time. It was a 7 hour drive to Portland, which was my first stop. After a short walk around Cape Elizabeth to stretch our legs, we continued on our next leg of the journey..3 hours to Acadia! 

Our first hike was the North and South bubble. We got the last parking spot in the lot and for this I was grateful. The sun was shinning bright and peeking through all the leaves of the tall trees surrounding us. It was still spring so a lot of the foliage still hadn’t bloomed, but it was in the 60s and a perfect Saturday afternoon. 

Acadia is not a very large park and you can drive around it in an afternoon, which I basically did a couple times. I scrolled through my All Trails app at the list I made and I decided to meander near Jordan Pond. But first we made some ramen in the parking lot. This was possible thanks to my JetBoil, which I would highly recommend if you’re an avid adventurer/camper/hiker. You can use it to make tea and coffee in the morning which is so relaxing after a hike. But also hot water for any other dehydrated food..beats eating pb&j’s all weekend. Or spending a lot of money on take out…which I did with Lobster rolls…more on that later.

We walked the perimeter of Jordan Pond, not quite completing the whole thing. The weather was perfect and the sun glistened on the water. Everything felt like magic. 

We decided to head towards Winter Harbor next. There was a spot on the water I wanted to check out, it was tucked away from what I read and if you’re not careful you’ll drive right past it. We chased the sun on this one, I pulled over so many times because everything was beautiful and the ocean felt so therapeutic. There were less people out this way and the parking lots were pretty empty. We took our time climbing over rocks getting closer and closer to the ocean, closer to that soothing sound. I realized at this moment why so many people use ocean waves as white noise to fall asleep. 

We drove past my secret spot and since the road was a one way, we took another loop around the park, which I did not complain about. I drove slow and found the pull off. I had no map to go by and just hoped I’d find a trail somewhere, and to my surprise, I did! We got to Raven’s nest just in time before sunset. I lost track of how many photos I took, I couldn’t believe we were the only ones there. It felt truly special to be here. We sat for a while and soaked it all in, Koda too. I love taking him to new places. I love watching him, as he looks out. I always wonder what he’s thinking, if anything at all. Honestly, my brain shuts off too and I learn to just become present in the moment. 

Once the sun started to go down we decided to head back to the car. I didn’t have a sleep plan…I was hoping to pass some rest stops on the way into the park but unfortunately we didn’t. We did pass a Walmart and so I headed there. Way of the road is you can sleep in most Walmart parking lots. 

One more stop at a gas station right before close, fill up on gas and use the restroom one last time. We got to Walmart and I parked towards the back of the lot, climbed into the back of my car and closed my curtains. I got my sleeping bag out, blankets, my pillow and I fell right asleep. After a long night of barely any sleep and a full day of driving and hiking, my body was in off mode. 

We woke up just before sunrise and headed back towards Gorham Mountain. This was a 3 mile hike with outstanding views, lots of change in scenery. If you use All Trails, type in Ocean Path and Gorham Mountain. We stopped A LOT and I mean A LOT. This hike took us way longer than it should but we were in no rush and just went with the flow. We summited Gorham and made our way back down, the weather turned overcast with a drizzle on and off. For me it was perfect hiking weather. 

It was our last day in the park and I wanted to head back to Winter Harbor which was about a half hour drive from where we were. I liked that it was a bit more quiet than the main island and I felt it had some moody coastal vibes that I wanted to explore further. I spent a lot of my last day just driving around aimlessly. We pulled off anywhere we saw fit, one really cool and scenic spot was Schoodic Point. The trails we went on were short and ended at the ocean every time. 

It was hard to make the decision to start heading back home. I made sure to stop in Portland to get another lobster roll at Luke’s Lobster…my previous one was somewhere on my way to Raven’s Nest. Both were fantastic, I don’t think you could really go wrong. Any way, that was my short trip to Maine. And I’ll definitely be back.

[vanillann]

ew, it’s the government (spencer reid x reader)

finally we see some progress...

warning: swearing, mentions of crime and sex, enemies to lovers

word count: 1.1k

ew, it’s the government masterlist

Chapter 6: Walmart over Burger King

"Why would anyone ever want a car this small?"

The small Volkswagen felt like a prison cell as I sat in the passenger seat, Agent Boy got into the driver side of the car.

"It's vintage," was all he said, and I found myself pleased with his short answer.

I let my feet fly to the dashboard, letting myself sink into the seat until I heard the dreaded classic music fill the car.

"You're joking, right? You can't be that boring," I reached to the stereo but he stuck his hand in the way of my fingers.

"Get your feet off the dash," his voice almost venomous and I wanted to scream but I kept my mouth shut. I didn't dare move my feet just to piss him off more but let the but he didn't say anything as the piano bouched throughout the car.

"So, who's apartment am I going to again?"

"Mine, it's the farthest from the building and the safest for everyone involved."

"Why because you're there to protect me," I spoke in a face high pitched voice.

"No, because I'm the only person that lives alone."

I let the smirk drop, only feeling slightly bad for the teasing as I didn't know the whole story until now.

The car ride was silent for the first five minutes, but sooner or later my anxiety speed up and the thought of the killer after me fogged my brain.

"Do you have any leads?"

"Not much, JJ is at the gas station now interviewing the cashier."

I could tell he was fed up with me by the way he didn't ramble for once and if it wasn't for my past with cops I might have felt bad for messing with him so much.

"We'll find him, I know you hate us-"

"I never said I hated you, I simply hate the system you work for," I was quick to defend myself, waiting for him to say something against my word but nothing of the sort came out.

"I was a fan of the system at first, but we aren't bad people."

Something in me snapped, this wall that I had built suddenly crumpled as I went off on the poor boy who had nothing to do with my fiery anger.

"I've seen bad ones, I watched they do things you'd never understand so I decided a long time ago that if you can't determine if they're bad then assume until they've proven otherwise. Besides, I said it once the system you work of as don't nothing for me or the people I care about," I heard my voice, I sounded pissed, well I was.

He said nothing as my outburst, simply just continued driving until we turned a corner and pulled into a large parking lot. I looked up, grabbing my bag ready to see an apartment building but instead, a giant grocery store sat in place.

I turned to look at Agent Boy but a ball cap was placed on my head, covering my eyes and he made a "shush" sound.

"I don't have any real food at my place and I assume you're hungry."

"We could go to Burger King," I pointed out the window to the lit-up sign of the restaurant that didn't sit very far from us.

"Do you know how unhealthy they are? Plus in October-" I zoned out rolling my eyes and jumping out the car while he spoke about some rat found in their rat, or maybe a bug I couldn't care.

"Hey! You can't leave my side, there is still a killer out there looking for you," he stood close to me, I went to back away but he grabbed my upper arm.

"Just be decent for once."

I almost bit back before we stepped into the door of the lit-up grocery store and he roughly pulled my arm to the carts.

"Push it? I would but the germs and I left my hand wipes in the car."

"Geek," I muttered, moving to one of the stell carts and pulling it from the others. I pushed the cap from my eyes but he pushed it back down.

"I can't see," I hissed out, only able to see his chest down and my anxiety was going crazy.

"I'll lead you, trust me."

"No," as soon as the word trust fell from his lips I reacted. I've always been my own eyes and some FBI agent that was the same age as I wasn't going to change that.

"Just for five minutes, then when we are back in the car you can go back to complaining," he spoke like he was annoyed, he probably was but for once I was pleased with it.

"I can't promise anything."

I held my head down, keeping a close distance with him as we walked through the grocery store like he had the map on the back of his hand.

"What's for dinner Agent?"

"Shepherd's Pie," he spoke with confidence, the first time since I arrived that he didn't Sutter or looking like he was going to kill me.

"Never had it."

He said nothing, putting different crusts and such into the cart. I went to turn the corner but my forearm was pulled back. My back collided with someone, that same scent that once filled the sweater float around me.

"Let me go you lunatic."

I yelped as I pulled my arm from his, pushing the ball cap up to look at the boy with wide eyes. He did nothing, simply turning the corner and carry on with his shopping. I roughly pushed the cart into his ass, a small "ow" falling past his lips as he looked to me.

"What the hell man!" I whispered-yelled still scared as to why he would pull me back.

"I saw your ex," he spoke simply like he knew me or who my ex even was.

"Stop fucking with my Reid," I couldn't believe myself when I spoke his name but my anger was too hot to care.

"I saw a post about it when Garica was looking through your social media, you two had a messy breakup and I doubted you wanted to see him."

I hated that he was right, I didn't want to see that scum bag or decide to laugh about my sister death.

"Thanks, I guess."

He nodded, giving a thin-lipped smile and pulling out what I assumed to be the last few ingredients of dinner. He eyed my cap,  without a word pulled back down to cover my eyes.

Why did Agent Boy have to be a decent person, it's so hard to hate decent people.

how do we feel about their development??

criminal minds taglist: 

@itsarayofsunshine​ @m-n-m​ @aquarius-pisces-rose@victomizedbyreginageorge  @avaxreid @erinxneil​ 

ew, it’s the government tag list:

@thatsonezesty13 @spencerslatte @pianofirepirate​ @ellvswriting​ @peterspickledpepper @erinxneil​ @friendlyweirdobaby​ @thatsastro​ @acambridge @spideyparkerstark​ @ameliamonster​ @thecraziestcrayon​ @hurricane-abigail​ @linthebinbag​ @m-n-m​ @reid-lover​ @drreidshands​ @l0ve-0f-my-life​ @avaxreid​ @baby-iyania​ @victomizedbyreginageorge @gubler-io @duskangxl​ @bonitaangel​ @koc-help​ @liaabsurd​ @achieveonyourown​ @non-binary-nightmare​ @crimeshowtrash​ @libradolan​ @sataninsatin​ @martinafigoli​ @randogirlo-fando-main​

[werezmastarbucks]

@lovelydivs​ i tried (insert star)

1274 words

“I mean, I will start coming to Walmart just to retrieve my peace of mind… so many aisles, and the best thing is, the only thing I can’t seem to find is Wheelys. Which is weird, right? I understand when a product completely dies, but like… I’m dead sure I saw Wheelys the other day at that gas station…”

You walked, almost lulled by his never-ending chatter, and your eyes were wandering around the shelves. So much food. So many different types of candy, and Kai needed them all. The brighter the package, the better. He was a smart man – but his knowledge in sweets and Walmart product was really incredible. You’ve been in this small town of Dublin, in Ohio, for four days, and he already learned every aisle, every stall, and all the check-out ladies’ names. You prayed silently that he wouldn’t turn into a coupon king one day.

He shook your hand lightly, attracting your fleeting attention.

“Babe, are you listening?”

“Yeah”, you uttered, a lazy smile stretching your lips. “But I’m pretty tired of just walking around. Let’s load you with this trash and go. I will never understand how you manage to entertain yourself by wandering here like in a museum”.

His eyes glistened with delight as you approached a tall stall covered with jelly beans like with bright-colored leaves. Poison, all of it. Nobody needs forty different types of candy.

Kai always forgot to take the trolley at the entrance, so every time you two had to put all these packs into your pockets, and then unload them at the checkout, like shoplifters caught. The worst thing was when you bought ice cream. With Kai’s pace of walking, it managed to start melting every damn time.

“Okay then, I’ll go to the toilet, and we can go”, he nodded mercifully, watching your cringing face as he flapped a pack of air heads.

“Strawberry?” you asked.

“Blue raspberry”.

“Kai, there’s no such thing as a blue raspberry… this is so unnatural”, you whined.

“You’re being unreasonable. Okay, wait for me here”, and he sprinted away like a twelve-year-old kid with strings instead of legs. Walmart was his realm. This dude could consume it all, together with people.

You sighed, looking at the loads and loads of candy that filled your mouth with sour saliva. Putting your hands in the pockets of your jacket, you started walking slowly, trying to get what he was seeing here. You were always more of a soda girl; while he was chewing on gum and jelly bears, that never ended up gluing his jaws together, you were consuming liters of Dr Pepper, until your teeth screeched with sugar. It was sweet, almost painful, bright pink, this life, eating candy and kissing Kai with sugary tongue.

Reality was, big places like Walmart gave you anxiety. There was too much of everything, and you realized, suddenly, why Parker liked it so much. A thousand cans of beans, slightly different in shape, in one stall? Fifty colorful plastic packets to wrap around your face and suffocate? Three hundred shades of diapers, different type for girls and boys? The never-shutting, loud, obnoxious advertising following you wherever you went, nowhere to hide from items, objects, labels, sounds, packages and QR codes. That was him. That was his personality. He could be too loud, he could be too needy sometimes. And you definitely could not escape him, no matter how hard you tried. The rare moments when his hand let go of yours, your palm felt cold and unusual. The moment his constant chatter stopped, silence was piercing your brain like a needle. He was addictive, like all that bright blue artificial honeyed sugar.

It’s been about five minutes, and you decided you’ve had enough of watching cucumbers slowly rot in their stall. You looked around, but did not notice the familiar black armful of hair, or his blue jean jacket. The cold air from the refrigerator soothed your shoulders as you took out your phone and tried calling him. Nothing, his phone was dead already. This morning you fought over the charger; you forgot yours at the last motel you’d been staying in, and the quarrel was heated. But you won because you weren’t wearing pants. So, your phone was currently on one hundred percent battery, and his died in sufferings.

Whatever, since this specific Walmart is almost his own land, he’ll be able to find you in no time. Maybe he’ll sniff you out before you go wild looking at the thick, maroon beef tenderloin, awful pictures springing to your mind.

You moved further, into the court of pastry. Now, that was good stuff. It smelled good, and there was garlic bread somewhere. Your pockets were already full of Kai’s Jolly Ranchers, so you put a couple of baguettes under your arm and stood there. Bread, that’s the shit. Bread is cool.

It’s been another ten minutes until you got to the house maintenance department and stared at all the cleaning stuff. There was a red row, a blue row and an orange row. You’d like your bathroom to smell like apples? Take the green one. You want it to have a faint scent of a Japanese garden? Put a pink bottle up your ass and vomit it onto the floor.

You closed your eyes, diving into the comforting darkness of your lids. There was a Beyonce’s song on, something from the times when everybody was wearing their damn pants right where their pubic hair ended. Just when you almost recognized which one had the lyrics “matter of fact, he’ll be here in a minute”, the song was suddenly interrupted, and a hollow voice came down, crashing on people’s heads in between stalls.

“Y/N Y/L/N, your child is at register 10”.

You opened your eyes as a wave of rage flooded you over: like hell you knew where that register was!?

You walked across the whole place, navigating yourself badly by the huge signs which didn’t help much. Finally, you found yourself at the registers, and as you walked to the huge check-out desk with the red TEN, you saw Kai, sitting on the bench, prepped against the wall. His arms were crossed, and he was pouting, with the most childish look his boyish face was capable of, like it was him who’s just spent the worst twenty minutes in capitalistic hell.

He looked up at you, and his eyes narrowed:

“You’ve been buying bread without me?”

You sighed, outstretching a hand to get him up.

“I told you to wait for me at the candy place”, he mumbled. You put your hand in his hair and ruffled it a little bit, calming yourself.

“This place pisses me off”, you poked him with a baguette, and he took it from you, carrying it like a sword.

“Doesn’t mean you gotta run off and leave me alone”, he reproached, “didn’t even call”.

“Your phone’s dead, Kai”, you reminded him.

“Ah”, Parker’s face lit up a little bit, and you walked to the check-out desk. The lady was smiling at you two, what an adorable couple. A mum-girlfriend, and a capricious pretty boy. That was until you started unloading your pockets like two complete dumbasses. You took out a can of Dr Pepper out of your inner pocket, and felt Kai’s clothes through to make sure he didn’t leave anything in.

“Do you need uh- a bag?” the lady asked.

“Oh my God, Karen, why do you hate your planet so much?” Kai gave her a meaningful look. He took your hand again. The badge on her chest read “Olive”.

[moist-astronaut]

things my friends and I have said over the last year

“I’m verbally illiterate” “Isn’t that called dyslexia”

“I’m going to chemistry and I’m gonna light myself on fire” “No” “Damnit let me burn like the witch I am!”

“Don’t worry it’s not anti-Christ it’s just anti-government”

“I’ve been getting migraines everyday and I’m considering chopping my head off” “But that would kill you” “Two birds one stone!!”

“I swear to god I will hug you” “My house is 5 miles away and my doors are locked” “Your locks are FEABLE”

*writing an email* “Bitch comma”

“Ok but I could be a top” *laughing* “What I totally could be!” *laughing and crying for literally 6 minutes straight*

*on a group call, friends cat misha walks into the room* “Tell misha I would live and die for her, whichever she prefers” “She says thank you” *cat noises*

*joins discord vioce chat at 11:26 pm* “You guys are gae but I love you” “Thank you saeren very cool” “Goodnight” *leaves chat at 11:28pm*

“Jake jake jake jjjake -j-jaaake hey jake” “W H A T” “Can I eat your pens” “I literally have a restraining order against you”

“I’m educatn’t”

“Me calling you to dumb to be a slytherin is payback for you leaving multiple handprint bruises on my legs” “It’s not my fault your skin is weak”

“He’s rolling so that we can walk” *rolling in the grass and collecting leaves on his jacket* “I’m rolling for your sins”

“There are 7 of us so we can each be a deadly sin” “I wanna be Ross” “You mean wrath?” “No that dude from Friends”

“Ok but other than his strict attraction to women, his multiple wives, his hatred of gay people, and the fact that he is dead, what is standing between me and Joseph Smith the All American Hottie from being happy together”

“Consider: Mullet” “No”

“I do my homework while loudly eating a pop tart asmr”

“No no listen, he’s my brother, he’s a bastard of my dynasty…I might just ransom him off”

“These Norwegian bastards indroduced a fucking PLUAGE to my COUNTRY”

“Ooooo meth”

“Half of my life is me resisting the urge to sing the zaboomafoo themesong, the other half is me actually singing the zaboomafoo themesong. So either way my entire life revolves around zaboomafoo.”

“I just don’t think I would hire a gay man-wait no I’m not homophobic”

*chucks half a gallon of milk in a gas station* “-ah- got milk?”

“Gimme your sternum boy”

“Nooooooo he stole my sternum!!!” (Side note these were two separate occasions)

*being force fed milk duds* “No!! This is the worst way to die!!”

“Hey babe come over I have a hammock and a heated blanket”

“Be afraid, be prepared- IN THE WORDS OF SCAR”

“Stress eating stress gummies Stress eating stress gummies Stress eating stress gummies stress eating-”

“I thought to myself ‘Y’know if I die today this is how I want to be remembered- a leather skirt and leg warmers’”

“I think I’m telling you to go to sleep” “You’re gonna have make me” “I can’t tell if this is cry for help or flirting” “Yes”

“This is at best cannibalism and at worst being straight”

“Oh look Percy Jackson’s here now, ooh they replaced every character’s face with Mr. Bean. I hate it”

“You can’t be mean to me! I’m gay AND a woman! That’s a hate crime!” “Yeah well I’m brown and Muslim! Square the fuck up bitch!”

“Babe it’s not very metal to be afraid of your hair dresser” “It’s not very metal to have a hair dresser and yet here we are” “It’s fine you’re into glam metal”

“Hey augie, got any grrrrrrapes?” “I’m doing IXL :(“

“Can I come?” “No” “What if I bring watermelon?” “You can come, leave the watermelon, then leave” “:(“

“What in the jersey shore”

“Rad’nt”

“Ok but consider: Mullet-hawk” “I can and will divorce you”

“Dee-vorce 👏 Just to 👏 re-vorce 👏 👏 “

“Ah yes, that’s why I’m fat…for combat reasons…”

“You fool I consent!”

“My Boston fern is being a bitch but that’s because it’s winter and that’s BITCH season”

“You walk through the rest of the house and it’s like ‘ooo witchy and aesthetic’ then they’ll get to the guest room and it’ll just be a tacky twink Fever dream”

“Who needs a scalp”

“HeHe, sexing”

“Council has decided, your vibes are rancid (and not the band)”

“You’re never to young to hate women”

“Look at me I did the dishes I’m a 1950s housewife with a strangely new jersey accent and affinity for lesbianism”

“Well look who has the table now”

"contrary to popular belief, fuck you"

"There's nothing here that requires whisking, i'm just problematic"

"If you could go anywhere in the world with two people, who would you choose?" “New Orleans!”

"So he proceeded to bite me on the butt...like, really, really hard."

“I don’t cheat, I win. It’s not cheating if it’s consensual.”

“My mouth, my choice”

“Do you like my ombré of a tan"

“Who’s the cutest in the chat right now then?” “It’s Paige!” “No, it’s obviously Augie.” (paige's boyfriend)-said by a straight man

“Francis is just a one and done.”

“Would you ever have a threesome?” “...yes...” *To Francis* “Sure!”

“How do you feel about anal sex?”

“Of the people in this room, who would you most want to make out with?” “Augie” “The answer is yes, but only if it’s 6 feet apart.”

“Square, flat, and overcooked.”

“The virus would be over if everyone would breathe underwater for 5 minutes.”

“I have daddy issues, but not with my father.”

“You’re a ladies man but you have two boyfriends.”

“That means lesbian in sign language” “No, that means fuck boy in American”

“I’m like a parasite, you can’t get rid of me. I’m here forever.”

“You’re like my long term hit man”

“Is it Jake?” “No, why would the evil Russian man be Jake?” “Because he would never hire a gay man and you don’t look like a gay man”

“Jake is homophonic, Augie is racist, and Francis is a woman hater!”

"Grew a korean radish, 1 star"

"I've got more cause i'm a rich boy, and by that i mean my father sometimes buys avocados. And that's on what? Upper middle class"

"Tell your good for nothing boyfriend to stay away from my mom"

"It's not inciting violence it's just ~inspiring it~ "

"Listen bitch just because you have avacados and a roomba doesn't make you better then me"

"i would totally let narthex ruin my life. and that's on what? daddy issues and bisexuality"

"who is titty"

"how is he racist" "he hates the french and russians right?" "don't forget italians" "that's just self loathing"

"This is the last time i wear a thong- it's for educational purposes"

"babe come over i'm a burrito"

"he put bread with milk. luckily he passed away"

"you touched my wiener!" "you offered it!"

"foot'nt"

"i took a shower and realized the floor doesn't bounce"

"i love ass whoooaaaaaa i meant cassie"

"Rosalie you're the deciding vote. Be decisive." "Dude i'm bisexual and a gemini. what're you talking about?"

"Okay so to recap: jake is homophobic, augie is racist, francis is a woman hater, and now paige is a bunny abuser?"

"Just bring a watermelon keychain and it'll be fine" "Whooaaaa i'm gonna need a big key then"

"If you were blind what would you even see"

Post Traumatic Youth, plus D for danny's disorder"

"i think she's past the phase where she likes people just because they're russian"

"francine is a lesbian, but only during quarantine"

"don't be a home wrecker!" "i can't help it!"

"we are not doing coed tents" "i wanted to go purple-ing though"

"if it's not perfect i'm gonna through hands" "with who" "i don't know, the CEO of stupid"

"don't make me feel guilty for bullying you"

"it doesn't look very cash money cool but okay"

"slinky cat" (ferret)

"The pond behind my house didn't freeze all the way through this winter, so i couldn't go ice skating" "okay, so i have an idea. we can go to walmart and get-" "ANTI FREEZE!" "well, yes- wait, no. No, the more i think about that definitely no."

"The amish will win, the amish will prevail" "the amish will conquer us all!"

"He do be kinda mafia doh"

"i'm being sneaky sneak. stairs go creaky creak. and i need. DRUGZ"

"brain on shutdown, power saving mode"

"Somebody go tip her, she's dancing like a stripper" "thatd be nice- oh wait no!"

"fellas, is it gay to lick your homies eyeball?"

"it's not racist if you're only targeting one group of people" "that literally racism" "but what if they're french"

"i'm not racist yet but the option is available, and it's good to have options"

"they don't call me Mr. Steal Yo Boy for nothing!" -a straight man who has a girlfriend

"i think he has a bad habit of not dating girls"

"kinda hot tho �� in a Santa Claus kinda way...hoe hoe hoe"

"i'll be your hot jacuzzi bubble dealer"

"when deceit and doubt fills you up, you cleanse your mind through creative activities, such as making organic soap"

"friendly reminder #4: you're never to old to eat a freezie-pop"

"sorry i'm just nervous" Chinese Teacher: (Waving her hand in front of her face) “Just pretend I’m cabbage.”

"me when my dads name is publicly broadcasted on the radio for his 14 felonies and assorted war crimes"

"<@!523669420435046401> I sentence you to a solid nine by the banhammer. For your crimes against Humanity, God, Satan, and Matt Frank. See you in hell."

"Danny, just because you're playing *Just Cause* doesn't mean you need to Just Cause our friendship!"

"Silly Matt! You fell for the ole’ Heimlich maneuver!”

"i got a bunch of new shirts over quarantine" "you would"

"Ok, there's a 32 year old doctor in new Jersey dying right now" "Yeah, but to be fair everyone in new jersey has a pre-existing condition"

“This is the longest period of time we’ve had without a Nintendo direct” “Maybe they’re gonna make a Nintendo indirect?”

"you’re looking extra white today.” "thanks i've been practicing"

"do you have any batteries" *looks inside shirt* "not yet"

"let's go colonize the middle school!" "yyayayyayayay!!!" " wait I gotta ask my mom first" What happened next is know called the *Juniors burden*

"oh so you're a DOWNSTAIRS milk kinda guy"

"you are literally the human embodiment of crumbs in a bed"

"The Berk-ey Creamery isn’t a place, it’s a people!”

 "He shoved a floating joy-con straight up his flux-capacitor.” "great! now it's paired"

"No, that isnt armor, the real armor are the friends you made along the way"

"This one goes out to all my lady friends out there *proceeds to kill himself in game*

"i'm a coward" "that's what a coward would say!"

"rest is for cowards and fools"

"every time you speak you take years off my life"

"Shark dick hoo ha ha"

"Me and the boys brushing our teeth at 3 AM"

"remember if you kill yourself the fascists win"

"The Beatles aren’t real. Have you ever seen a beatle? No? Exactly." "Babe” "Shut up I’m right."

*reading over these quotes* "god i hate that" "you said that!"

[mrssnider13]

Jason’s 40th Birthday

Jason and I have known each other since 1997-1998.

We dated on and off for several years and for several reasons.

In 2002 we both got involved with other people and we both ended up being parents in 2003 to Jason to Jason Jr and me to my son, Brison.

Jason and I reconnect on and off again over the next two years.

In Jan of 2007 I moved to KY and got married. I thought about Jason all the time. It never failed that every time I would come home to Ohio I would run into him at Walmart or the gas station. My 1st marriage was rough and we eventually separated in 2010 and in August of 2011 I moved back home to Ohio. It was that November that Jason got out of rehab and we connected on messenger. I was getting moved into my new apt and I asked Jason to help me move.... He moved in with me very soon after.

The first three years of our relationship were HARD to say the least! Jason worked so hard on his program and recovery, and working a job with anyone that would take him on, meetings, service/volunteer work, probation, court dates, license classes, restitution,  court and probation fees and so much more.

Were we ready to be in a relationship? NO! But God knew we had what it would take and we knew we couldn’t do it without God. God’s plans were so much bigger than ours!

In 2012 while pregnant with Olivia we almost called it quits. But thankfully we had family and friends that believed in us and encouraged us to persevere.

We have been tested beyond comprehension. On February 14th 2012 Jason went to probation and received a failed drug test. Our hearts sank but our spirits stood strong! We knew better and we prayed that God would reveal the truth. And a few LONG days later He did! After sending the test off to the lab they confirmed it was a clean test.

In March of 2013 we got married and 3 days later we had Olivia. Just a month later in April of 2013 God blessed Jason with his contracted job through P&G. This was HUGE for us! It was an affirmation from God. We were amazed.

In March of 2014 we were faced with another pregnancy. I was so scared and I didn’t want to be pregnant. We were in no financial situation to support a larger family and we lived in a 600 sq. ft. apartment. 12 weeks later I started bleeding and went to the doctor. It was then that we found out that we were pregnant with twins. Speaking for myself (and I’m sure Jason as well) I was terrified. I feared that I wouldn’t even carry them to term let alone deliver them and be able to provide for them.

We immediately starting looking for a bigger place to live but were faced with the limitations of finances. We prayed and searched and God again opened another door for us. We were blessed to find a 3 bedroom home to rent south of Hillsboro. We moved in November 1st 2014 and on Dec 26th we had the twins a month early. Happy, healthy and beautiful. Then we came home to our water being turn off. That was fun. But it was just a misunderstanding and things were fixed the next day.

Life was a challenge at this point. Money, sanity, sleep, faith, endurance, trust. Definitly one day at a time.

May 5th 2015 we were faced again with another test of faith. In a freak accident Jason severely injured, Izabelle, our 4 month old twin. She was air cared to Children’s hospital with a fractured skull and bleeding on her brain. CPS met us that the ICU waiting room. Jason was beside him self, worried sick about his baby girl and not caring about what was about to happen to him. The interrogation was intense and all I wanted to do was be with my daughter at the moment. CPS just wanted the truth and the truth sounded far fetched. By the grace of God Izzy spent 3 days in ICU and was moved to a regular room for 2 days and got to come home. Jason on the other hand faced the judge. I thank God every day that the truth was again revealed and Jason only received 12 weeks of anger management. It could have been so much worse. But what was so incredibly hard was that for 12 weeks Jason couldn’t live with us and he could only see us in public or supervised visitations. That was a LONG 3 months!!! Thankfully we had family and friends to help me with the girls but I would have much rather had my husband. God knew what Jason needed and we trusted that. We were SO GLAD to have him home!

Life seemed good for awhile. Then in the summer of 2016 we faced another trial that turned our world upside down. All we could do is trust God and be still. Pray and trust and only move when God lead us to. We recovered the best we could and somewhat moved on.

Then the tides started to change a little. We were blessed in 2016 with the opportunity to buy the home we were renting. We bought our first home yall!   4-5 years prior..... that seemed unimaginable, let alone possible.

Once again life settled for a minute and after 2 years of Jason begging and much needed prayer on my end we decided to try for another baby. Jason hoped for a boy. I hoped for just one LOL. In Sept 2017 I got pregnant with our 6th. In Nov (just two months later) God revealed to us yet more affirmation! He had blessed Jason with a position at P&G as a P&G employee and not just a contracted worker. Once again we were elated and blessed beyond what we deserved. Then in May 2018 we were blessed again with ONE chubby baby GIRL!

We have had our ups and downs like everyone but for the most part life was GREAT! We worked hard, played hard and lived well. For about a year... Then the trails came 3 at a time. In 2019 I lost my mamaw in April, Jason lost one of his best friends in May and then we all lost Jason’s mom in June. Why God, crossed my mind multiple times a day. To say that I was worried about Jason in the midst of my own heartache would be an understatement. I had to let go and let God have him and I knew it. There was nothing I could but be there. Jason was so strong! He gave the eulogy at both my mamaw and his mom’s funeral. Neither one could have been done any better or anymore heart felt and passionate.

Jason inherited his mom’s place and we picked up our kiddos and moved. There was a lot of transitions, change and adjusting for all of us. The girls had a very hard time with all the grief and loss but received group counseling that changed their lives for the better. It wasn’t until a year later that our other home sold. As much as it hurt, so much of all of it is a blur. 

And yet, here we are today....... It’s hard for me to even wrap my mind around all that we’ve been through and all that God has helped us overcome.

I told you all some of our story to tell you this.....

Yes, we have suffered, but there is no one else that I would have rather suffered with than my husband, Jason. Yes, we have lost much. Yes, we have failed ourselves, failed each other and others. Yes, we have been hurt and lost....... but....... here we stand, still together and even stronger and closer than before. ONLY by the grace of God. We suffer for the glory of God, for the deepening of our faith in Him and for the testimony to share God’s love and hope with others.

I thank God for Jason. He’s a great man of God, he has a servant’s heart, he’s a hard worker and he provides for his family - not only what we need but then some. He loves his kids in a way I can’t even describe. His love is unconditional and intentional for sure. He leaves me with no doubts that he loves me faithfully. On this earth he is my rock and my refuge. He is a gift from God sent just for me. I love and cherish him with everything I have and I often wish I could be and give more to him.  

But before I get too mushy I just want to say Thank you to everyone in our lives that have helped sustain us through the bad times and celebrated with us in the good times.

Jason, I hope you feel all the love being given to you this day. You deserve it and so much more. I love you! Happy Birthday!

[natsspammityspamspamham]

Some Anime I Just Finished

Before I start with this stuff, I also finished Nyan Koi, but honestly, don’t watch it. There are no points of this show that I’d recommend. I watched it on a whim. I regret it. It wasn’t bad enough to really make me sit and go have an crisis about what I watched and why I like anime and why I was born, but let’s just say, I should stop watching anime because there are some seiyuu I know in it. But hey, if generic harem ecchi stuff is your thing, there’s something.

Ballroom e Youkoso

That was a lot of hype for a mediocre show. Let’s just say... it was alright and standard with a unique concept that got everyone excited. It took a really unique concept for a sports anime, but the cast wasn’t all that likeable or memorable. The story was generic sports anime stuff, but it was still pretty good. The art was really good. I don’t get the criticism that their necks were too long. We’re watching anime where the waists are tiny, the eyes are huge, and the boobs take up over half the body. Get a grip.

Shingeki no Bahamut: Genesis and Shingeki no Bahamut: Virgin Soul

This anime is a clusterfuck (and so is whatever I’m writing about it because I have a donkey brain right now). It made me laugh at times when it wasn’t supposed to, but I was entertained. I think I was searching for something to fill that SKET Dance-shaped hole, and this... was not it. This was fast-forwarded on my watch list because of the seiyuu, but I was going to watch it some time in the future anyway. Genesis (what I would count as the first season) and Virgin Soul (what I would count as the second) are completely different. I’ve heard of people who watched VS independently, and while you can, it makes far less sense if you do it that way. Not saying that you should watch this anime because it’s really... something else. If you know what you’re getting into, you’ll have a good time. Otherwise, you will not. I also watched this anime because I heard it was based off a card game and went, “YU-GI-OH? AS IF THEY CAN MAKE AN ANIME OUT OF A CARD GAME!” And in that respect, they did impress me. I was judging this series as an anime and not as a “oh, I made this on a dare.” I’m not familiar with the source material. 

Overall: 6.5/10 (Both Seasons)

(SPOILERS AHEAD - but who’s going to commit to 36 episodes? …Besides this idiot right here, aka me)

The characters here are honestly nothing that people haven’t seen before. Uh, this anime has an afro bandit, a knight with a mullet, a zombie, and some white-haired demon that everyone in Tumblr thirsts for because he looks like he’s straight out of that demon dating sim. You’ve probably seen these types of characters before. Multiple times. Rumour has it that you can find a cast of this caliber at your local Walmart or gas station. Season one introduced me to a small cast of characters, so by the end, I was like, “Alright, this is fine. If you give me another season, I can totally get behind these Mary/Murray Sue’s. Maybe.” I look up the cast list for VS and went, “Why are all of them either labelled as supporting or are gone?” VS brings out a whole slew of new characters you know nothing about.  

We had to give up this character? Seriously? Season two at what cost?

VS′s villain’s motives made no sense. His mom was killed by the monster, so he wants to bring forth the monster to defeat it even though it’s literally the doomsday bringer... alright. He even sacrificed his eye and went, “I can still do this. I can end that monster.” Meanwhile, he’s killing and alienating people who would’ve been able to help him. This is even worse considering that VS had 24 episodes to get me into whatever the heck this king was on about. Actually, I can only remember one character that was voiced by Yuuichirou Umehara that made remotely any sense, and this is out of at least 5 characters. Force that character with the main girl in that Romeo and Juliet kind of stuff, and you’ve got a new cast. All your favourite characters from season one are sidelined. You were main character last season? Pssh, that’s water under the bridge. Nobody cares that you saved the world once, it’s up to some kid who can turn into a dragon when she sees a hot guy. I wish I was making this shit up. She really fell for a guy who is ready to kill her. We’ve got more side characters no one knows about. Also, they just had to kill off a character from the first season for funsies and no other reason. They killed him in such a stupid way, and if that wasn’t enough, they brought him back as an even more hideous zombie. I didn’t even like his original design, but even I know they did him dirty. I feel like they should’ve focused on the main cast with maybe some additional characters, but when you add everything at once, nothing is going to work out. This show also really screwed up the ending in a way that I don’t know how. They closed loose ends, but were there any reasons for this buildup? No. Did I enjoy the ending? No. Would I recommend this to my friends? No.

The visuals try to save this anime, but it cut some corners to get here. Alas, MAPPA is MAPPA, so some of that fight choreography was great (but most of the “hype” only came from season one for me). The sound was alright. Good voice acting. It was even great at times. Kenshou Ono played a bastardly idiot in season two which had me really liking his performance because of how much I hated that character. Hiroyuki Yoshino plays another guy like that. Sumire Morohoshi played a 17-year-old in season two, and she was practically 17 when this was produced, so it’s one of the few times that people actually cast someone who’s the same age as the character. I haven’t actually heard Risa Shimizu in main role before, but she did not disappoint. I was disappointed when she didn’t come back for season two. I haven’t seen Gou Inoue play a main character in an anime I watched either. He’s actually pretty good. Maaya Sakamoto and Miyuki Sawashiro appeared as well. Miyuki Sawashiro played a pivotal character actually. I happened to like her character too. Megumi Han sounded badass in this anime too. 

(She looks like Robin from Fire Emblem, the plot is like FE Awakening, and she had so much more to do in the series than what she did in season one. The series would’ve been more interesting if they brought her back. In fact, the whole season season could go under some form of an edit.)

Characters from your local secondhand “lightly used” vegetable sales bin with a story fried at that old McDonalds with the semi-rancid oil thrown together with some chips that you left open the night before that were supposed to be “character development”. It’s passable. Edible. Scrap that together, but now throw out whatever good things you had in there. Throw in that fuzzy tomato that isn’t even red anymore, shady stuff found behind the fridge, and some ranch, and voila, you’ve got yourself this subpar anime. It’s plated nicely with nice visuals and some form of a facade that this anime is going well, and if you’re into guilty pleasure anime like that, there you go. I still enjoyed myself despite all that I said, but I have no intentions of recommending this. It was also really hard to access in my country too. 

[thelastspeecher]

Not too good at suggestions, but how about for the werepire au we take a look at Stan and Angie getting along when they first met, and maybe them confessing to each other that they aren't human?

Day 01   Day 02   Day 03   Day 04   Day 05   Day 06   Day 07   Day 08Day 09   Day 10   Day 11   Day 12   Day 13   Day 14   Day 15   Day 16Day 17   Day 18   Day 19   Day 20   Day 21   Day 22   Day 23   Day 24Day 25   Day 26   Day 27   Day 28   Day 29   Day 30

You want it, you got it.  Enjoy some Stan and Angie initial interactions.

Word count: 1352

              Stan tossed the clothes he’dstolen from Walmart at Angie.

              “Here,” he grunted.

              “Thank you,” Angie said quietly.  Stan looked over at her.  When he’d woken up this afternoon, only tosee that the wolf he’d found last night had turned into a nude woman, he’d beenfrustrated beyond belief.  It didn’t helpthat she only remembered her first name. He’d hoped that she was a vampire like him.  Maybe someone that he could commiserate with.  But she wasn’t.  

              Angie, wrapped up in a blanket,looked through the clothes, her cheeks flushed a slight pink.  A few strands of caramel-colored hair dangledin front of her face.  She tucked thehair behind her ear.  Stan looked away,suddenly realizing he was staring.

              “So,” Stan said.  He cleared his throat.  “Did, uh, did you remember where you’re from?”

              “No.”  Stan could practically feel the anxietycoming off Angie in waves.  “I don’tremember a thing.”

              “That sucks.”

              “Yeah.”  Angie sighed heavily.  “I’m- I’m not sure what to do now.”  Stan clenched his hands into fists.

              Don’t do it, Stan.  Don’t.  She’s a grown woman.  She can take care of herself.  She doesn’t need help from a homeless vampire.

              “I guess I’ll- uh, maybe I’ll tryto take a bus somewhere,” Angie continued. “Not- not sure where. Arkansas?  California?”

              “One of those is a good option,the other one isn’t,” Stan said.  “Why thehell would anyone wanna go to Arkansas?”

              “…I don’t know,” Angie whispered.  She sniffed loudly.  “Than- thank you fer- fer yer help.  I ‘ppreciate it.”  Her voice was choked up.  She was clearly struggling to hold backtears.  Stan sighed.

              Fuckit.

              “Look.”  Stan took a seat on the grimy motel bed.  Angie looked at him, a few stray tearsshining on her cheeks.  “If- if you wannago going, try to figure stuff out, you can. But…”  Stan grimaced.  “You can come with me, if you want.”

              “I’d- I’d hate to impose,” Angiesaid quietly.  She twisted the blanket inher hands.

              “I’m not gonna try to convinceyou that it’s fine,” Stan said.  “Ialready told you.”  After a moment, Angienodded.

              “If- if yer fine with that, I’ll-I’d like to- to come with ya.”

              “Okay.”  Stan got up. “Get dressed, then.  We’ve gottabounce tonight.”

              “Isn’t checkout usually in themornin’?” Angie asked, confused.

              “Yeah.  We’re leaving before checkout.”

              “Why?”

              “One word, toots,” Stan said.  “Money.” Angie frowned.  “If you’re notcomfortable with stealing things or breaking the law, you’re not gonna enjoycoming with me.  I’m pretty much alwaysrunning from cops.”  Angie chewed her lip.

              “Beats wanderin’ ‘round thecountryside without any protection,” she said finally.  “And on the bright side, if I get hauled infer bein’ an accomplice, the police might be able to figure out who I am.”  Stan raised an eyebrow.

              “Yeah.  But they’re never gonna catch us.  I’m pretty damn good.”

              “Guess I’ll have to find out whoI am some other way, then,” Angie said with a shrug.  A slow smile began to spread across Stan’sface.

              “You’re a tough one, huh.”

              “Tough as nails and twice assharp,” Angie said.  She winked.  Stan’s grin broadened.

              “Yeah?  Maybe you can prove it when we’re on theroad.”  He nodded at the clothes she wasstill holding.  “Get dressed.  We can grab somethin’ to eat on our way outtatown.”

—– 

A month later

              “So that’s why when I met you,you were a giant wolf,” Stan said.  Hehanded Angie a protein bar.  Sitting onthe hood of the car, wrapped in the blanket Stan had stolen from the motel they’dstayed in a few weeks ago, Angie frowned.

              “Yer tryin’ to tell me I’m…awerewolf?  I don’t remember much ‘boutmyself, Stan, but I think I’d know if I was a werewolf.”

              “Look, I saw it, okay?  We were outside, I was taking a smoke break,you were trying to find constellations or whatever-”

              “I remember that part,” Angiesaid, nodding.  “You made fun of me, butthen I found Gemini and you got all sad.”

              “I wasn’t sad,” Stan scoffed.

              “Uh, yeah, ya were,” Angieretorted.  Stan glared at her.

              “Sometimes I wonder why I let youstick around with me.”

              “I’m amazing at standin’ guardwhile ya break the law,” Angie said.

              “Yeah, yeah.  Whatever.” Stan leaned against the car, next to Angie.  “Like I was saying, you were talking aboutstars.  And then you stoppedmid-sentence.  I looked at you, and youstarted growing fur all over.  Next thingI knew, you were a huge-ass wolf.”

              “But…werewolves aren’t real,”Angie said slowly.  Stan rolled his eyes.

              “That’s what people say aboutvampires.  And you know I’m one of those.”  Stan grinned at her, showing off his largefangs.

              “That’s true.”  Angie pulled the blanket closer.  “I- I s’ppose it’d make sense, since I’ve gota scar that looks like a dog bit me.  Butwhy can’t I remember a time before bein’ a werewolf?”

              “Maybe it short-circuited yourbrain or something,” Stan suggested.  He shrugged.  “When I got turned, it fucked me over.  I was delirious for three days straight.”

              “Great,” Angie muttered.  She rubbed her face.  “I wonder if- if I even told my fam’ly that Igot bitten by a wolf or dog or whatever I thought it was.  Y’know, before I disappeared.”

              “Dunno.”

              “My fam’ly…” Angie saidquietly.  Stan eyed her.  The first few days on the road, Angie hadbeen crying near constantly, to the point that Stan seriously considered leavingher at a gas station.  The number one reasonfor her tears: the fact that she couldn’t remember her family, but also couldn’tshake the feeling that they were important to her.

              Can’t really relate to that.  Notanymore.  Stan took a breath.  No, Stan.  Stop being a dick.  Angie’s been great, especially for a homelessamnesiac werewolf.  Try to comfort her.  She’s dealing with a lot.

              “I…I get it,” Stan managed.  Angie looked at him.  “I, um, I have a twin brother.  His name’s Stanford.”

              “…Stanley and Stanford?”

              “Yeah.  Pops wasn’t a very imaginative guy.”  Stan shoved his hands in his pockets.  “Ford and I had a falling out a while back,when we were still in high school.  Thingswent south fast, I got kicked outta the house, spiraled, got turned into avampire, and then found you in the woods. I don’t- I don’t really think about my family being worried about me thatmuch anymore.  But if I was still onspeaking terms with Ford…”  Stansighed.  “I’d be upset, knowing that hehad no clue where I was.”

        ��     “Why did ya have a fallin’ out?”Angie asked quietly.

              “I’m not gonna get into it rightnow.  It’s a long story.  And we barely know each other.”

              “I don’t know if I’d say that.  We’ve been livin’ together fer a month.”

              “Still.”

              “Hmm.”  Angie looked down at the unopened protein barstill in her hands.  “This is my fav’riteflavor.”

              “Yeah.  I remembered from last time,” Stan said.  Angie grinned.  “It’s not like I- I went outta my way to getyou the flavor you like or whatever.  Thatone was on sale.”  Angie let out a barkof laughter.  Stan stared at her.

              I think that’s the first time I’ve heard her laugh.  A smile forced its way onto his face.  I kindalike it.  It’s weird, like she is.

              “Yer quite the character, Stan,”Angie said.  “Never thought I’d meet avampire who cared so much about people, but felt like he had to hide it all thetime.”  She paused.  “Never thought I’d meet a vampire, period.”

              “Yeah, well.”  Stan shrugged.  “I aim to impress.”  Angie leaned over.  She planted a small kiss on his cheek.

              “You succeed.”  She slid off the hood of the car, leaving theblanket and protein bar behind.  “I’mgoin’ to use the bathroom real quick ‘fore we head out.”  Angie strolled into the gas station, humming.  Stan watched her leave.  The heat from the kiss spread throughout hisface.

              It was the warmest he’d felt inyears.

[stillsweating]

73hrs

Well today was definitely not one of the easy days. As off right now i am 73 hours deep in my fast. I had an exam this morning which i did decent on, didn't have any brain fog or headaches which was nice. At work this evening we had a potluck, so after my exam I went to walmart and bought all the ingredients for some homemade macncheese. Just walking through walmart was a struggle, I wanted to buy cookies, cokes, so much crap, but worst of all.... the halloween candy. It was honestly torturous. But, I made it in and out without buying anything I didn't need, so honestly it was pretty successful. I then went to fill up gas, which I usually do like once a month. So usually when I go I go in and get an icee, since the gas station is further away, and it is the only one with OG icees ive found around Tallahassee. But I didn't do it, stayed strong and just filled up and went home. I worked on my computer for about an hour before I started making the macncheese, so it was typically around when I get hungry I was making it, and that was also a struggle. All I wanted was to eat a giant spoonful of it, or even just taste the sauce to make sure it didnt need more salt or anything. But again, stayed strong and didn’t. But the absolute MOST difficult thing all day was sitting through the potluck watching everyone eat. Everything smelled so amazing, someone even brought publix cupcakes... my weakness. I literally felt like crying the entire time. But I just smiled and said I ate before I came. And then at the end of the potluck gave the rest of the macncheese away so i wouldn't come home and binge eat it. 

Honestly though, it made me feel really strong that I said no to all these temptations. Today has definitely been the most difficult when in regards to hunger pains and my stomach growling. But I try to just drink more water when that happens. When I got home from the potluck I weighed myself and I was at 155.5. Which was pretty amazing honestly. My 160 plateau was such a hard one to break, I am glad this fasting thing has helped jumpstart it again. 

I am little worried tomorrow is going to be another rough one, since I have class all day, and everyone always wants to go get food. I am going to try to stay strong though :)  

[weoutherelike-blog]

The Naughty List

‘Tis the night before Christmas and all through the house, every flat surface of the living room is occupied by your lounging family members. Your beautiful family is painted with TV lights over a countenance of holiday bliss and you can’t stop admiring them. It’s quiet and peaceful and you’re surrounded by the people you love most in the world, together sharing this moment. You’re so proud.

Then you notice I’m on your television. You turn up the volume just a little bit, careful not to wake up you-know-who that’s always the first one asleep. I’m doing a press conference. You remember that I’m not likely to do press conferences, but I’m on every channel and I’m not answering your texts, so you start to believe the impossible.

I’ve invented a machine that enables you to experience your heart’s deepest desires. It manipulates the brain in precise patterns that it can run all your fantasy simulations subconsciously, and it’s done in such an authentic and believable way that you’ll have sharp and lasting memories about living out your dream scenario. Some Very Important People have already agreed it’s one-hundred percent effective, having each been given a demonstration. Everyone is now discussing what’s to be done with my machine.

You’ve been watching the conference for a while and it’s past bedtime but since I’ve made possibly the most groundbreaking discovery of all time, everyone gets to stay up a little longer. You learn that the machine has no way to record the adventure it sends someone on, so each fantasy stays private and locked within the vault of your own mind. You’re free to live out the life you’ve always wanted. Marry into royalty. Be the most famous person on the planet. Do the weird sexual stuff you don’t have the guts to actually try. Live out the plot of Blade Runner and be the one who Runs all the Blades (I’ve never seen the movie). It takes only seconds to use for a lifetime of incredible memories, and can be beamed remotely into your head so you won’t even have to leave your chair. 

You also learn that I’m the only person who can operate the device, so the government, in a fit of holiday spirit, has kindly allowed me to keep my machine under the condition that they never have to wait in line to use it. 

We’re reached the grand finale of my speech: I have a December 24th gift for everyone. Any person, anywhere, can earn earn a turn with my machine exactly one year from now. For the next three-hundred sixty-five days, each of you will accumulate points for day-to-day acts of kindness that are deemed worthy and the results will be displayed on the back of your left hand. It is up to you to discover which acts will earn you a go with my machine.

It would be dumb not to try.

My awkward announcement to all people of all nations ends with instructions to have a good night and sleep well, since the game begins as soon as you wake up in the morning. Your family excitedly doubts anyone will sleep tonight, then gets extra hugs and scrambles off to bed. Visions of sugarplums dance in your heads.

You wake to a shift in the atmosphere. Today everything feels a bit more special. Your family is smiling with sincerity in all the photos. You hear “please” and “thank you” and “you’re so welcome” as gifts are unwrapped in a calm and orderly fashion. True gratitude is being expressed at dinner, actual compliments are passed around, everyone notices the decorations you spent so much time on. Every so often, you see the number increase on the back of your hand. It’s happening to every one of you and the kids shout in delight each time their tally grows. It’s one of the most satisfying and fulfilling days you’ve ever had. No one bickered, no one felt excluded, nobody was put upon or overwhelmed. Each of you were the best versions of yourselves today. The points are a nice bonus.

The next day is even better. You hold the door for a stranger and your total rises. You pay for a co-worker’s coffee and get a little boost. All the while, every person you encounter is the friendliest you’ve ever seen them, and you begin to notice little changes in each person’s face when they score big. Internal celebrations seep into subtle smiles and the vibe of wellbeing intensifies. The rough edges you’re so used to seem softer. By dinnertime, everyone has heard of The List that’s being crowdsourced online of every scoring action and the average point gains being reported from around the world. Later in the week you watch a news report confirming that I’ve seen this list, and checked it thoroughly twice before authorizing it. You call me to see how I’m doing (3 points) and congratulate me on how my hair looked in that last interview (point), and ask for a few hints between friends for some higher-earning deeds.

Your Facebook friends are sharing their scores with palpable glee. Twitter is flooded with tips and tricks to maximize your daily average. Everyone’s Snapchat story includes video of them handing a water bottle to a homeless man or donating clothes to Goodwill. You can’t remember feeling more upbeat and motivated. You challenge yourself for weeks to beat your previous day’s score. Your boss gives you a promotion while eagerly staring at the back of his hand. The lady whose car you back into in front of the Chipotle gives you a hug to calm your nerves and offers you the extra guac they gave her inside. Celebrity scores become a hot topic and the most popular Reddit thread is a stream of fantasy synopses that you can sort by popularity for ideas. 

These are the new best days of your life. A month later, the news is suddenly dominated by reports of people scamming the system. A young man in the South found out he could score points by signing up to volunteer, even if he didn’t show up to help. Two businessmen in South Africa racked up high scores for the hundreds of fake charities they created. A new rule was implemented: anyone caught cheating is now being publicly shamed for their punitive point losses in a document with a complicated military code for a name. Everyone just calls it The Naughty List.

A few weeks later, there’s a ripple of panic worldwide as people slowly notice their default point-earning actions are bringing in lower and lower numbers each day. You’re pretty annoyed at the grocery store when you’re only getting one point per cart you give up to someone else in the entrance. And when you bump into your ex’s new partner in line at the gas station, you nod at them politely three times but nothing even happens. Not one single point. It’s frustrating.

There’s a conspiracy theory going around that points are somehow tied into the significance of the action. It seems that robotically performing the same actions won’t cut it anymore. You aim higher, and the reward is worth the extra effort.

At least you’re not one of the disgraced people whose points fell when they were caught shoplifting or bullying or shaming a mother for breastfeeding. You’ve always been a good person. You check the total on your hand reassuringly throughout the day as you flip back and forth between the 24-hour televised coverage of the Naughty List’s newest inductees and the 24-hour countdown until next Christmas.

One day a woman in Bangladesh leaves her long-time abuser and that evening she’s an international news story for having gained the highest amount of points for a single achievement. It’s a game-changer once everyone realizes that taking care of yourself is a high-scoring act of kindness. Therapists become the highest paid, most sought after career. Suicide-line callers generate as many points as suicide-line volunteers. Checking into rehab nets people so many points that facilities set up overflow units. And you notice the change in your own life: finally making an appointment with your dentist got you points. Asking your friend to talk you through that panic attack got you points. You get more points than you can believe when you treat yourself to a massage for the first time in your life.

Yesterday, a senator abolished private prisons and jumped up to the top score in his country. Today, there’s a mad rush for all the political parties of the world to solve all of humanity’s problems. Global trends are analyzed. Low-scoring people are being shunned and anyone with a negative score is rounded up for questioning. You’re currently at a Walmart, loading up on 50 pound bags of dog food to bring to the animal shelter. You only manage to grab three because two other guys had the same idea and you had to argue over them. Now your good deed is making you late for work and you’re on edge, so when the cashier asks you how many dogs you have, you snap at her that it’s none of her business. You can feel everyone’s eyes on your back as your immediate area goes quiet. One whole point slides from your hand. You’re mortified. You’re apologizing profusely but the customers are already passing around a silent look of distaste at you. “You better watch out,” one of them says as tears well in your eyes. “And no use crying or pouting about it.”

You call me a few days later to confess to The Incident and describe your great remorse while asking if the Naughty List is a permanent thing. I could tell you were disappointed that I don’t have the power to give or take points, but it’s still nice to hear from you and I wish I could talk longer but participation in the game has far exceeded my initial forecast. So I’ve been working on a way to amplify my machine’s signal in order to beam everyone’s ultimate fantasies into their heads simultaneously to everyone in the world in just one night. I even opened a facility up north and hired some seasonal interns to help me.

It’s sweet of you to call, though. You glance at your hand hopefully. 

It’s now been most of a year and you’re living in a utopian society. Everyone is on their best behavior. Everyone is practicing self-care. Life as we know it has drastically shifted. We’re curing diseases with all the money that everyone can afford to donate with the enormous cost-of-living wage increase everyone was given (corporations discovered they can score points of their own). You went back to school to learn that thing you’ve always wanted to try, resulting in an even hundred points, so you’re riding high. That single point on the Naughty List hasn’t haunted you for months. You give everyone on the street a friendly greeting because one out of 30 scores you a point or two and it’s just good math. And everyone smiles back, so it’s win-win. 

December rolls around again and the perfect world is in a fever pitch. Rival Good Guy Gangs are fighting to show each other up with huge point pools. Your score is no longer a protected status for discrimination in the workplace, but you get two points for the email you wrote thanking your CEO for the opportunity after you’re replaced with someone almost double your score. The Top Ten are the most venerated human beings in modern history. The two Lists are dominating headlines and infographics came back into fashion. You’ve been perfecting your most wished-for fantasy in your head instead of looking for jobs. 

Your family hasn’t spent much time together after the basic interactions were overused into low-score territory. The easy ones like reading to the kids, making lunch for the family, letting you-know-who sleep in so they won’t be so grumpy - none of them come with a reward anymore so everyone has moved on to grander undertakings. Keeping up with your point-league is starting to become a full time job, but not one that pays the bills. Your face hurts from smiling at every. goddamn. person you cross paths with and you’ll never admit how jealous it makes you that you that the idiot who almost got you expelled in high school managed to pull eight bodies from a burning building AND rescue a litter of puppies all in one week. It totally threw off your racket. 

There are only a few days left until I load The Lists into my machine, tune into the brains of the Worthy, and make everyone’s dreams appear to come true. You’re broke and exhausted from shopping for 156 more people than usual, crossing your fingers that it’ll buy you a few more points in the home stretch. You stood in line at the post office for 90 minutes to send me a package of homemade cookies. You’ve been sitting in your car for a half an hour trying to talk yourself out of flaking on your volunteer shift at the Complimentary Compliment Call Center for the second time this month. It all seems so fake, anyway. Every action is in the pursuit of points. You’re just glad that the game is almost over.

Your entire family is relieved on Christmas Eve. You made it. Of course, the fantasy world you’re about to experience is exciting, but you haven’t felt this relaxed all year. The family decides you’re so close to the deadline now that a few more points won’t matter, and everyone should just focus on having a nice holiday without the pressure of the numbers on your hands. You love your family even more for the suggestion, and you all sit down for dinner with the most legitimate smiles you’ve smiled in too long. It feels good to just drop the veneer and be yourself. You laugh together and feel free together and eat way too much and enjoy all the things you missed most. Then you all retire to the living room in a content stupor and take up your usual positions in front of the Countdown timer on TV. This is it - what you’ve worked hard all year for. The timer ticks down the last remaining seconds. You survey your family one last time before it hits zero.

The people you love most in the world, together sharing this moment. You’re so proud.

Then you notice I’m on your television having some sort of press conference about a machine I invented and you’re surprised to see me on TV, especially since you know I’m not likely to do press conferences. You fumble for the volume on the remote to hear what’s going on. You turn it up, but just a bit, so that you don’t wake up you-know-who.