#then surely nobody will see how miserable and terrified i actually am

[dogzoro]

if i smile with my teeth, think i believe me

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

I came back from the movie theaters (Fnaf Movie) My lord I FREAKING LOVED IT THE WHOLE THING IDC AHHH Ahem-

I saw that requests are open, SO a Platonic Headcanon Request if you don't mind, Fnaf (Movie) Animatronics with Gender-Neutral (17-soon to be 18) Reader as the new security guard? or maybe tags with Mike and possibly Abby? (Reader ain't tall just-idk 5'2 maybe I am projecting-)

(I know this request doesn't make sense because of the tiredness due to staying up late because of excitement. Feel free to delete this ask if its too complicated)

bonus: If you want to, You can also Include Chica's Cupcake

Have a nice day/night, From 📞 ☕ (PhoneCoffee) Anon

Oh I can definitely work with this ^^

......

When you started working at Freddy's overnight, you hoped this would be your last summer job ever before you turned 18.

"Steve" said it was all pretty straightforward: watch the cameras and make sure nobody broke in.

Easy as pizza pie, right?

Well, when you realized one of the animatronics very subtly moved from their usual spot, you wanted to check them out for yourself.

Plus, sitting in the office for six hours every night would def get boring as hell.

So you head to the main stage area, finding the whole gang mysteriously gone--Foxy included.

Then you get surprised by them emerging from different places in the pizzeria, eyes glowing a sinister yellow as they surround you, wary of your intentions.

"O-Oh hey..um..Fazgang?" You try your best not to look so terrified.

Surely someone was controlling them, right? They couldn't possibly hurt you.

Yet they stop and collectively realize "wait, isn't this a teenager? And why are they working this job??"

But since you're not wrecking anything in the pizzeria (or screaming bloody murder unlike the last guard), they spare you and are just very chill overall.

You now start to believe all the rumors of them being haunted by little children.....although not even that scares you.

On the second night, you learn that they can understand simple drawings--and that's how you pretty much communicate with them and build up trust.

While Bonnie is regarded as the "most aggressive", he was a real sweetheart who let you shine his guitar and hugged you tightly to express his thanks.

Alas you haven't found a way to stop it from constantly short-circuiting when he strums it...but you vow to figure something out.

Chica was equally as sweet, although for some reason Carl the Cupcake made you feel nervous.

The way he can be on the plate one moment and then disappear the next makes you worried that he'll sneak up on you and bite your ankles off.

But as long as Chica's around, that won't ever happen.

Although Foxy looks quite dangerous, you try your best to patch up the hole in his chest using some spare parts from backstage while being oblivious to the deadly Freddy mask saw trap in the corner, something he's grateful for.

He even sang you a little sea shanty as thanks!

Freddy was the first to be suspicious of you, but after seeing a drawing you made of him, he grows to like your presence, too. Especially after how nice you've been to his bandmates.

So you definitely survived more than five nights at this place--longer than anyone so far.

When Mike gets hired and comes in for his first shift with you, he's surprised that a teen is training him.

He suspects this was some lousy summer job you were forced to get and thinks you're gonna act miserable the entire time you work together and not actually teach him shit.

But as it turns out, you love your job!

You show him the Fazgang during their "showtime" performance and assure him that while they may look creepy, they're not bad at all.

And while you're not getting paid extra to do simple maintenance on them, you still enjoy trying to keep them in tip-top shape (especially Foxy, who needs repairs the most).

Mike seriously thinks you shouldn't be doing that as it's not in the job description AND it could be dangerous.

Even if you have expertise in robotics, he still thinks it's not worth losing a limb or finger to those complex contraptions.

Like he almost did after getting near a springlock suit.

But you just teasingly remind him who the trainer is..and he goes quiet.

Foxy overhears this, and you see him snickering from behind the Pirate's Cove curtain, amused by you basically schooling this 25-27 year old man.

Unfortunately he startled poor Mike, who looks over quickly.....only to find the fox standing in his usual position, acting completely normal.

"Was he just laughing at us...?"

"Nope." You play dumb, shrugging. "Must be his voice box malfunctioning....c'mon. Let's see if we can fix that."

Least to say, you're not gonna let him sleep on the job anytime soon.

[fairyniceyeah]

Treat or trick!!😈

I love your works so much!

Hey there^^

First of all: Thank you so much! You all don’t know just how much I appreciate the positive feedback!

For your treat, I have six fic ideas I wanted to write for ages but haven’t gotten to (yet!) and reasons why they are so intriguing to me😊

A member rushing off during filming suddenly, thrusting his mic pack at somebody and he is found vomiting in the bathroom by a concerned party.

-> Suddenness is always a plus in my book and I love the confusion and worry that would follow as it’s clear that something is very wrong. Nobody would just leave like that if it wasn’t an emergency.

A member returning from a break during dance practice (or whatever else they had been doing) and reluctantly going: “I … I don’t think I can continue. I just threw up.”

-> Again, suddenness! What draws me to this is the soft admission, who vulnerable the member must feel and how awkward it is to admit something like that to the whole group.

A member who falls on stage, slipping in the rain and is unable to get up. He is soaked in the water, cold and freezing and falling on their back caused him to be unable to breathe. He is panicked and afraid and in the view of thousands of fans.

-> First of all, inability to breathe: The terror and the fear? It’s so scary to be injured like that, even if it was just the force and shock of the fall. And the helplessness and vulnerability as fans are watching, needing the members to protect him as he struggles and maybe even cries in fear.

A member who isn’t feeling well on the tour bus. Maybe it’s just motion sickness, maybe it’s a stomach bug or a migraine. He is insanely uncomfortable and trapped on the bus with no way out, which can be a cause of panic. The other members, maybe even managers and crew, of course are very aware of what is happening and the member is embarrassed and so sick. There is nothing to do but wait and make the member comfortable. The atmosphere is awkward as they have no choice but listen to their friend throwing up.

-> I hate trains and busses and other transport (even some meeting rooms) where I am trapped with no way out, in the vicinity of lots of people. It’s a terrible feeling and now add feeling and being sick on top of that. It’s a miserable time and my mind is stuck on how awful it must be for the other members to be unable to help their friend and just listen as he is so sick.

A member who has a bad panic attack, so much that he is shaking and crying and hyperventilating. Maybe that too on a tour bus where he cannot calm down somewhere quiet and the others have to help him as he is freaking out and unable to calm down. The member might feel sick or faint and just imagine the terror and fear the other members go through watching their friend suffer like this. Maybe they even need to stop and call an ambulance because member isn't calming down.

-> Actually based on a story a friend told me. It’s a terrifying situation to be in, for both sides, and nothing the members can do really helps. The members are reduced to watch their friend struggle.

A member who is sick during their training period and maybe they are new and not yet really close to the other trainees. They get sick at night in the dorm and the only person who can help, the only adult that can help, is a kind manager who takes care of the sick and terrified and homesick kid in their care. The member just wants to go home but they are in a strange city with strangers and they are so sick and young.

-> Only reason I haven’t yet written that is because then I would write about minors. I cannot yet decide if that is okay, considering they are adults now? But seeing how close the members are to some of their managers surely they must act like parents towards the young trainees at times and the idea of somebody being sick and away from home just screams to be written.

Gosh, that was a lot more than I actually wanted to write (the idea was to only reveal three but I got carried away! Feel free to imagine the scenarios in your head and if there are any writers who would like to write one of the ideas, please contact me😉

Lots of love to you!

🧚🏻‍♀️

[chronicallyuniconic]

It's really hard to cope with all this.

Back when I was first diagnosed, I had so much grief for my past self and my past achievements versus my now uncertain future. Diagnosis ruled my life, it still does. I can't turn this off. At the age of 22, everything I'd achieved, was now pointless.

For the past few years, I've realised how much I've been stuck at that age, because I've been unable to put energy into achievements, into working, into living. The achievements I had, mean nothing without the person attached to them. Although I am a different person, it's not the one I aspired to be, this wasn't what it was supposed to look like, wasting away in isolation.

Now seem to be going through the same again, with epilepsy. Having to learn a new illness allover again. Figuring out what sets it off. Deciding if the symptoms I'm having are part of epilepsy, or is it my past diagnoses, maybe I'm just coming down with something.

Having to learn everything about an illness you thought you knew, but actually didn't, is exhausting, scary, an overload of information you're not even sure applies to you. But because doctors are so frustrating, you're forced to learn about it, noone tells you about living with it.

My GP appointment for the first seizure, was very much:

"you may have epilepsy, don't sleep on your front anymore because you might die, make sure you get at least 8 hours though, as sleep is important for epilepsy, not much i can do for your bitten tongue but take these meds and hopefully you won't have another."

That's it. That's my introduction, description and explanation of epilepsy.

--Imagine if they had listened when I said I was struggling with my sleep, I was literally wetting the bed and they just said I had an overactive bladder. I've been manipulated constantly into lessening the symptoms I have, and now I'm here--

Disappointing, worrying, frustrating, upsetting the people around you, because of the symptoms and diagnoses I deal with, is an extra layer of grief. I have to somehow support them too, when I'm actually terrified and there's nobody to support me through this either. What am I supposed to do?

There are so many limitations in the long list of bullshit I'm simply forced into coping with. Like a headache, you don't decide when it appears, it just does, but now I have to be mindful of ppls feelings aswell, when the seizures are random, unpredictable, out of my control.

I'm sat centred on a see-saw of symptoms, that should I tip too far on either side, I will fall, it will get worse, I am not in control.

People don't have patience, for my time, words, emotion, actions. No patience for me overall. If I complain, I seem to suddenly be "the most miserable person" when all I said was "I'm in pain today" because of a seizure, because I bit my tongue into bits.

I haven't done anything wrong, except have epilepsy.

[holdingforgeneralhugs]

hi, emma! how are you?

can I request a headcanon with Speirs, Winter, Luz and Liebgott about a reader who falls for them but it's unrequited? I need all the hurt and angst, thank you!! <3

Hello dear anon, thank you for the brilliant request this is gonna be such a heart wrencher to write for me because I love them all so much 😩

Note: I did in fact cry several times writing this, and I'm pretty sure my heart cracked in half.

Ron Speirs

There'd always been something about him that drew your attention, something dangerously alluring.

The others would actively try to avoid him because "he's absolutely terrifying" but you went out of your way to bump into him. That was made a lot easier when he joined Easy.

Once you got to know him you realised that beneath the scary facade was a deeply caring and kind hearted man, and you fell head over heels for him.

Many hours between Hagenau and Zell Am See were spent chatting quietly together about everything from the weather to philosophy. You could talk for hours and never get bored. There was also plenty of sarcastic jibes thrown back and forth, but always in good spirit.

You thought he surely must have known how you felt, it was the worst kept secret in the company for chrissakes.

Eventually you built up the courage to tell him, you just needed a stiff drink first. Your heart sank when you walked into the bar and saw him with his arm around a pretty nurse. You wanted to run but you were rooted to the spot, hardly able to breathe.

Unfortunately that's when he spotted you, and he grinned brightly at you and waved you over and what could you do only go along with him because damn that smile.

"Hey let me introduce you to a good friend of mine," he said, and it was like a dagger being slowly pushed into your chest, inch by inch. Because that's all you were to him, a good friend.

Dick Winters

It was almost too easy to fall in love with him.

You'd always looked to him for motivation to keep going, and had always admired his determination and sensible leadership.

It was only when you got promoted and started working with him that you truly saw the real him.

He was wonderful. He was compassionate and humble and so so kind. But he was also sharp as a tack and delightfully funny in the most understated way.

You found every excuse you could think of to spend as much time as possible with him because it was one of the few joys you had in an otherwise miserable time.

He also started to seek you out more often, and you couldn't supress the little flutter of hope you felt in your chest that maybe, just maybe, your feelings might be reciprocated.

He'd talk of the farm he hoped to own if he made it home, and you couldn't help but imagine yourself right there with him in a quiet little corner of the world.

It was actually Nix who unintentionally burst your bubble one fine summers day in some German Town.

"C'mon Dick we're almost finished over here," Nix sighed dramatically, "You've got to find yourself at least one nice European lady before we head home."

"Who says I haven't already?" Dick laughed, his cheeks redenning. You almost choked on your drink but just about managed to keep it together, though you could feel Nix's heavy gaze resting on you.

"Have you met the future Mrs Winters then eh?" Nix asked coyly.

"No not yet," Dick shrugged, "I think that can wait until we hopefully get settled back home don't you?"

You bit your tongue so hard you almost tasted blood, but it was better than letting any tears spill over. Clearly you'd been wrong. He had no idea how you felt, and you were nothing more to him than another wartime friend. But you couldn't blame him for it. It wasn't his fault you'd misconstrued his friendliness for something else.

George Luz

George really was your best friend. Nobody could make you laugh the way he did.

You were the ultimate double act when you were together, always entertaining the others even in the worst of times.

But you also trusted him more than anybody. Whenever you were feeling down or needed a friendly face you'd seek him out, and vice versa.

It was bound to happen that you'd fall in love with him, I mean how could you not? He was your best friend, the most amazing person in the whole world.

You knew he didn't love you in that way though, and it broke your heart every day. You'd hear him tease the others about being too chicken to make a move on a girl they liked, and how he wouldn't make that mistake. He'd talk about how if he had a girl he'd treat her to all the finest things in life. It was obvious he didn't see you as anything more than a best friend, because if he did he'd have made his move already.

Joe Liebgott

You and Joe clashed quite a lot in the beginning. He was a total hot head and he drove you absolutely insane. Barely a day went by without you two throwing barbs at each other.

Somewhere along the line those barbs into flirting, and before you knew it you had some sort of flirtationship going on with him.

It was all fun and games until you were all out at a bar one night and you saw this pretty blonde approach him. The gnawing feeling you got I'm your gut was impossible to ignore, and you had to admit to yourself that you had a teeny tiny crush on him.

That teeny tiny crush grew exponentially the more time you spent with him. He was a total idiot half the time, but he was caring and he could be so sweet and so funny too. It hit you like a tonne of bricks that you were totally in love with him.

Of course you didn't say anything, that would be totally embarrassing. And anyways there was no way he'd have feelings for you.

But then he'd put his head on your shoulder, or give you a cheeky smile, or brush your hand in passing and try as you might you couldn't help the bubbling hope that maybe he did have feelings for you.

That bubble of hope was violently burst as you sat on the back of a troop truck on your way through Germany. Your heart grew painfully cold as you sat beside him and had to listen to him talk all about the dream woman he was going to find for himself when he got home.

Taglist:  @tvserie-s-world @geniedocroe @generousdreamlanddestiny @sofietargaryen @cagzzz107 @stolemyspoons @alejodi0nysus @sunflowerchuck @now-im-a-belieber @delreyleclerc @50svibes @eugene-emt-roe @pennyllane @televisionboy @francois-ceverts @ask-you-what-sir @parajumpboots @mads-weasley @tetragonia

[young-dumb-and-vaccinated]

Cult Girl: Doctorate (Hannibal x Female!Reader) pt. 6

Positive

Cult girl and Hannibal find a way to turn a life-altering mistake to their favor.

@wisesandwichshark

Trigger warnings: accidental pregnancy, discussion of abortion, adoption, slight emetophobia

Another week passed and the 'hangover' didn't subside. Then a third week passed, so you had to give up the façade and just admit you were sick. Hannibal was smugly concerned, but not alarmed. It paid to have a doctor for a fiancé. Studying could be done from bed and you needed to be in perfect working order to burn down your grandmother's country club and fully enjoy it.

Hannibal wasn't so much of a hypochondriac that he denied you affection while bed-ridden. That, or he didn't believe what you had was contagious. Whatever it was.

It wasn't until you woke up late, just days before the start of the new semester, that you discovered. You hobbled blindly to the bathroom to take your medicine. You were fully prepared to drop to your knees and vomit in the toilet and you wanted nothing more than to return to bed and slip back into sweet unconsciousness. Not even microdosing meth could keep you awake.

You slid your birth control packet out of its sleeve. You were halfway through the green placebo pills, so you were sure that didn't help how miserable you felt. This period sure had a hell of a build-up.

That's when a number caught your eye.

It was a number you weren't even previously aware existed. A date on your birth control packet. Dated three months prior.

You weren't lucid enough to comprehend what it meant, but once it hit you, you spit the pill into the sink.

Expired. You thought. How the fuck do pills expire?

No. No. No. No.

"[F/N]?" Hannibal said. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah." You called back. "I... just need to take a shower."

You turned the faucet on. It was a bad lie and he would figure it out eventually, but you couldn't involve him. Not yet. You needed a minute alone to think.

You found the pregnancy test you stashed under the sink all those years ago. You double-checked the lock, then began the test. There was no romantic or even palatable way to describe the process of peeing on a stick, quietly as possible, to avoid your frankly terrifying fiancé's notice. Once it was done, you wrapped the still-loading test in toilet paper and shoved it back under the sink.

You had no idea how long it would take to give you a result. Or if waiting four years to use it would give you a false result. There was so much you didn't know.

You jumped into the shower and washed up, trying to push all thoughts of panic out of your head. It didn't work. You went right into bury-the-body mode. A fall down the stairs could best pass for an accident, but had the unintended consequences of severe bodily harm. You wondered if those special herbal teas actually worked and where you'd find one. Or, instead of investing in gimmicky, pseudo-scientific abortion teas or throwing yourself down a flight of stairs, you could just talk to him.

You sat on the bathroom floor in a towel for what felt like hours, holding the mummified pregnancy test between your fingers. It took all your strength to rip through the tissue paper and confirm what you already knew.

A big, obnoxious pink plus sign. Almost like it was rubbing it in.

Your head was screaming just talk to him. He was your goddamn fiancé. The man you were going to spend the rest of your life with. But you couldn't tell him. Not after what he said at the country club.

"Hannibal?" You called out, voice weak. "Can you come here, please?"

He opened the bathroom door to find you huddled against the sink wearing nothing but a towel. It was a sight that would make anyone freak out.

"My god, [F/N]." He took a knee beside you. "Are you hurt? Did you hit your head?"

You gestured to the pregnancy test at your side. You hugged your knees into your chest and waited for him to process everything.

He looked at you with an unreadable expression. "I thought you were on birth control?"

You covered your face with your hands. "I did too. Nobody told me that the pills actually expire."

Then came the question that you were dreading.

"What do you want to do?"

That was why you were hesitant to tell him. Not because he would try to make a decision for you, but because he wouldn't.

"I don't know." You blurted out. "What do you want to do?"

Hannibal raised his eyebrows. "You know I can't tell you that. You need to decide for yourself."

"That's what I was afraid you were going to say." You threw your head back in exasperation. "I'm just asking for a little direction. You said you definitely wanted to have kids-"

"Not like this." He cut you off. "Not when it would derail your entire career.” 

“Look, you know I was on the fence about having kids at all.” You rambled, just trying to collect your thoughts. “But then you described what you wanted for us and it just sounded so nice.” 

“Darling, I am begging you,” He pressed his fingers to his temples. “Please, decide for yourself and only yourself.” 

“I’m trying!” You objected. “I just need a second to think.” 

“Don’t think, just answer.” He implored. “What do you want to do?” 

“I want to get an abortion.” You blurted out before slapping your hand over your mouth. 

“Was that really so hard to say?” Hannibal asked, voice broken with relief. Relief of what, you couldn’t place. 

You couldn’t bring yourself to make eye contact with him. “It was, a little.” 

“Why?” He tilted his head curiously. “And please don’t say it was because of me.” 

“I don’t know.” You shrugged, hiding your face again. “I just learned I was pregnant, like, five minutes ago. I shouldn’t be expected to make a choice this massive without at least ten minutes to think about it.” 

“Do you really want to get an abortion?” He asked. 

Your voice wobbled with uncertainty. “No... yes?” 

“I see.” He said, as if this were just a point of academic curiosity that didn’t involve him whatsoever. “Is there a part of you, no matter how small, that wants to see the pregnancy to term?” 

“Well, yeah. Thus the basis of my uncertainty.” You threw your hands up. “But I also know it’s insanely unrealistic to think I could just speedrun my last two years of school and however long it takes to establish a career just to get to the domestic bliss.”

“You would do good to not expect motherhood to be a blissful retirement plan, love." Hannibal gently scorned. "Parenting takes just as much commitment as your studies. Likely more."

"I know." You bashed your palms against your forehead. "I said it was unrealistic, didn't I? Look, I just don't foresee any worthwhile outcomes if I carry this pregnancy to term. Even to put it up for adoption just seems selfish. Why bring a kid into the world just to set them up for a shitty life?"

Hannibal paused, and looked off into the distance pensively.

"If you could forgive me a hypothetical," He began. "What if we could guarantee them a wonderful life?"

"Are we talking philosophy, or do you have an actual suggestion?" You probed.

"A bit of both, depending on where your mind takes you." He smirked as if he were about to say something very clever. "What if Beatrice [L/N]'s estate made sure our child had a safe, comfortable upbringing? With a weighty college trust fund in their name, naturally."

You couldn't tell if this was brilliant or insane. It all depended on how 'hypothetical' the whole situation really was. Either way, you were interested.

"Go on." You urged, letting the idea slither into your mind.

"There's nothing in the will that specifically states we must raise the child ourselves." He recounted. "Only that it must be of blood descent."

You hadn't considered that, but it made sense once you heard it out loud. Your grandmother had many skills to make her a sharp manipulator, but her inattention to detail was always her downfall.

“Forty-five million extra dollars in the bank would be nice.” You said. You were humoring him at first, but when you said it out loud, it rang true. 

“Forty-five is drops in the bucket compared to what we can get from her property.” He added. “The house and the golf course.” 

You put your hand on your chin, actually, seriously considering it. You were on the precipice of inheriting more money than you could possibly spend in one lifetime. Money that could make so many problems go away overnight. Money you could hand out to anyone you wanted to, just to make their lives a little easier. You pictured yourself giving waitstaff six-figure tips, or handing a hundred dollar bill to someone asking for change on the street. You could erase your best friend's college debt as a birthday present. Get Hannibal a proper gift. All with money you bled out of your abusers.

It was divine justice. All at the price of nine months of your life.

"So..." Your voice trailed off. "We just need to keep this thing alive for the next nine months..."

"We can find an adoptive family in that time." Hannibal nodded along. "And we can set up a college fund for the child to be given to them on their 18th birthday."

"And we could make the adoption open, in case the child ever wants to meet us." You said.

"Right." He agreed. "Allowing the option for an adoptee to meet their biological parents is much better for their mental health and adjustment."

You covered your mouth with your hand, only to hide your excitement. "I take it back, I'm starting to see a positive outcome."

[therealvinelle]

I would 100 percent love a rundown of every vampire and how they would react to the option to be human again.

... every vampire..?

I guess we’re doing this.

Afton is more useless to the Volturi than ever. This changes nothing, in part because nobody notices. Afton dies of old age in a cry for attention.

Alec can have puberty?! Get tall? Have sex? Sign him the fuck up. Alec spends ten years as a human. Unfortunately it turns out he has the worst genes, so he stops at 5 feet and doesn’t grow an inch taller. He is Volterra’s short king. Even more unfortunate is the fact that the ladies still see him as a kid and would feel weird about sleeping with him, so no luck on that front either. (Somehow, Jane is both taller and gets all the hawt dewds)

Alice would not like this at all. Having a human is nice, that’s fun. Alice loves her Bella Barbie. Being a human? Oh god no.

Alistair’s whole thing is that he’s living as a hermit because he’s terrified of everyone and everything. If he became human again, he would still be a hermit, but lacking any of the survival skills or basic equipment that human hermits accrue he would quickly die out there in the wild.

Amun might just be the oldest vampire in the world, and he has been a god. Going back to being human would be too low, it would be the greatest humiliation imaginable. Hard no from Amun.

Anne was Victoria’s sister, the two girls were impoverished and Anne prostituted herself to feed them. Since she was executed by the Volturi within that same century, she would be returning to that same, horrible life. All the nopes, Anne gets her creator to turn her again.

Aro would be very practical about it, I think, and find someone to turn him back before the plague got him. Though I’m sure he’d be too curious not to try for himself the modern, global, human cuisine, so whoever was turning him has to sit by and wait while Aro drinks all the margaritas and eats all the sushi. And probably human flesh, gotta know what it tastes like from the other side

Athenodora has spent a very long time in that tower tripping on Corin’s gift. As she walks into the Volterra town square she has a full on Plato’s cave allegory epiphany, as she realizes that the tower was a fever dream and the real world is blurry and she doesn’t want to eat anybody. She comes to the conclusion that vampires aren’t real.

Bella would feel like Cinderella at the end of the ball, her beautiful gown turns back into rags and she’s an unworthy human again. Edward is overjoyed she smells delicious is fragile again and refuses to turn her back. Heartbreak ensues.

Benito invented newborn wars, he’s got a million enemies. He better become a vampire again immediately, or he’s dead.

Benjamin is the avatar, which is great. He lives in hiding because Amun has him convinced that Aro would enslave him, which is less great. Being human would not solve this.

Boris was living his best life being a fake Russian noble in the court of Versailles. Being a fake noble as a human is just not as fun, and he finds himself a vampire to get turned back.

Bree was miserable as a vampire, but her life wasn’t great to begin with. She was homeless and starving. I imagine she’d say no to humanity because she had nothing to return to, but this would be a survival move that had nothing to do with what she wanted in life.

Caius has no time for this nonsense, he turns back immediately.

Carlisle I’ve outlined in this post, but to repeat it here he is quite happy being a vampire, humanity has nothing to offer him. His ridiculously large network of friends would be put to good use once again as he tries to find someone who’ll turn him. (He has a surprisingly hard time, as no one wants to risk being the asshole who ate Carlisle Cullen. He eventually comes crawling back to a delighted Aro)

Carlisle’s creator is the lowest of the low, trash who lives in the slums, gets caught by humans, eats half a mob and then lets a newborn loose in the middle of London. This guy is a slob who does not have his life in order. Without vampirism, he starts shooting up under a bridge and dies within a few weeks. He does not get turned back into a vampire because nobody’s touching that.

Carmen would probably want a baby before turning back. The problem with trying to raise a human child as a vampire is that children bleed all the time. Eleazar Jr. scrubs his knee, Carmen goes full Cronus on her son, and Dostoyevsky is proud.

Charles... I don’t know if anybody agreed with my post on Renata, I for one think Luca is horrifying, and based on that Charles would turn back immediately because he’s not leaving Makenna on her own. Not to mention, Charles is one of the few vampires in Twilight who chose his fate.

Charlotte and Peter are living happily, thinking the Cullens are crazy for appreciating humans, so no changes there.

Chelsea might actually be a bit allured by humanity, since this way she can find out once and for all if she can form organic, normal relationships. However, she’s been a vampire for millennia, which makes it impossible for her to relate to humans. She makes no friends, and comes to believe that she is unlovable. She becomes a vampire again and, after an extended existential crisis, eventually becomes Marcus.

Corin would want to try all the human drugs. Gotta find out if weed is better than she is! Unfortunately half of Volterra is hooked on her, and she’s turned before she can find a good dealer.

Didyme would immediately suffer a brain aneurism, and die. Marcus becomes Marcus, but this is ultimately the better timeline since Aro can mourn his sister normally.

Diego’s life was pretty much over since gang members were out to get him, so he’s not returning to humanity anytime soon. Although vampirism means that now everyone he meets is a potential gang member out to get him (indeed, Victoria gets him), so maybe humanity would appear comparatively peaceful.

Demetri seems to be having a cool time being a vampire, so back into the ranks of the unholy he goes.

Edward, oh boy. I can’t imagine it, and I don’t want to.

Eleazar is a pretty self-righteous and sanctimonious fellow, I am sure he would not only choose to remain human, but talk about how noble it is that he’s staying human. He would not enjoy being human.

Emmet would be a miserable human, but to turn back would be to turn his back on Rosalie, and so he would dutifully remain, even as he grew to resent her for it. Once again I have a post.

Esme would not want humanity given the choice, but if she suddenly is human then provided Carlisle was as well, I imagine she would want to get a do-over. However, trouble is that if she wants to have a baby, then she’ll have to stick around with said baby as well. Sticking around means remaining human. Honestly, I’m not sure where that would go. Terrible places once Carlisle runs off to Italy, I’m sure.

Felix is another dude who seems pretty happy with vampirism. He sticks his hand into the first fanged mouth that he can find.

Fred is having a good time as well now that he has left Victoria’s army, no arguments here.

Garrett seems quite happy to be a vampire, although he enjoys new things enough that I think he’d want to spend a few years experiencing things from this human perspective. Alas, he’d have pictured the life human influencers and fictional humans were leading - it can’t be too far off, right? Well, real humans need jobs and housing and health insurance. One thing leads to another, and Carlisle finds himself bankrolling Garrett’s human adventures.

George is a seriously amazing guy who goes around pretending to be a demon called Astaroth and making fake demon deals with people. He’s an amazing conman, but his whole schtick depends on being a vampire, so it wouldn’t work if he were human. Vampirism it is.

Heidi apparently lived a terrible life as a human and was pity-turned into a vampire, so I don’t think she’d have any happy associations with humanity at all. She buys the first ticket back to damnation.

Hilda was a feminist bleeding heart who made suffering women invulnerable. Vampirism, to her, seems to have been salvation, with humanity a miserable state. Hard no from Hilda.

Huilen didn’t want anything to do with this supernatural horrorshow that killed her sister, and I imagine she’s one of the few who’d actually fare well as a human again, even though time has passed.

Irina drowns her Laurent-shaped sorrows in booze and men.

James would be furious with everything for letting this happen to him, and want to be turned back again.

Jane, like Alec, is overjoyed that she can have puberty again. This works out great for her. Like a middle school goth phase, she sort of pretends that whole 1200-year-stint as an actual twelve-year-old didn’t happen, going “oh, yeah... that” when it’s mentioned.

Jasper isn’t eating people anymore, praise Jesus. I think he’d actually fare quite well, he’d become a dusty professor in philosophy at some college and the violence would truly be behind him.

Joham is a monster and I imagine his children would eat him before he could get turned back. Good on them.

Kachiri is quite happy with Senna and Zafrina, she wouldn’t want that to change.

Kate loves Garrett very much, but there are all these human men she won’t have to worry about killing..?

Kebi was a slave who was chosen by Amun to be... well, his slave forever. As an unchanging vampire she’s stuck, but humanity could represent real hope for her, the only hope, really. Hard yes from Kebi.

Kristie is one of the two Victoria recruits who managed to turn the army into a high school, where you were either in the right clique or you were a square. Kristie is clearly an opportunist who’ll make the best of any situation, human or vampire.

Kumboh is a highly eccentric vampire who works in a mental hospital and gets attached to the humans there, to the point where he dies for one. This is not a man I can predict.

Laurent spent his existence in a pursuit of power without understanding what power is, and ended up stuck with the white trashiest vampires ever to white trash. Several logical leaps based on 18th century French Versailles logic later he endeavors to marry into the British royal family.

Liam is living quite happily with his wife and surrogate daughter, and even if he wasn’t then Siobhan is going to want her hubby back. And what Siobhan wants, Siobhan gets.

Luca is quite happy being the family patron who sometimes takes niece-brides (or family demon who keeps stealing their daughters), so he would want his fangs back. But, I’m sorry but I think he’d seize the opportunity to impregnate one of his descendants, because if this guy is all about preserving his family line then I can’t imagine he’d be able to resist a son.

Lucy, like Maria, would be in so much trouble. Honestly, I think Maria would eat her immediately. Easiest way to get rid of competition.

Maggie might want to grow a bit older and less emaciated before turning, but like Liam, Siobhan’s gift would see to it that the coven became whole again.

Makenna wanted vampirism once, I imagine she’d want it again. She seems quite happy with her life.

Marcus is finally able to kill himself. Happy days.

Maria would be in so much trouble. She is a human in newborn war territory, all the vampires around her have terrible control, and the ones with good enough control to turn her are enemy army leaders who want her dead. She is forced to make a phone call to Jasper and ask if he can put in a good word with Carlisle.

Mary (Carlisle’s friend), it’s been over a century and she’s still living alone. Sounds lonely, so maybe she’d be down for the change.

Mary (Hilda’s coven) is living that feminist liberation life with Hilda, and humanity would throw her right back into poverty and misery. Big nope.

Nettie would be eaten by Jasper, since Maria already ate Lucy.

Noela is a member of Hilda’s coven, meaning her life was awful. She would not want it back.

Peter is living happily ever after with Charlotte, it’s a good life. Peter does not want things to change.

Randall was turned in the 1960′s, so I’m sure he’d want some of that sweet weed again.

Raoul was a gangbanger and humanity is better off without him. So are vampires.

Renata had awful circumstances around her turning, and nothing to return to. Her human family either sold her out or were unable to protect her, my money’s on them thinking that her fate was a great honor, and either option makes them someone I imagine she has put behind her. As it is now, she has purpose with the Volturi, and no one is making her be anybody’s bride. She would not want things to change, nevermind becoming human.

Riley thinks he has found true love and glorious purpose, and would remain the way he is.

Rosalie would be delighted, but she has poured years of bitterness and crushed dreams into the dream of the perfect human life. Reality wouldn’t live up to her ideal and this time she can’t blame vampirism. I think she’d start drinking.

Santiago presumably has an alright time being a vampire, he has purpose and community with the Volturi. No changes here.

Sasha wanted a big ol’ family, turning first her niece and then women who resembled her niece enough to look like her sisters, so I imagine that, like all good Denali women, she’d seduce a sexy human male and give herself a few more daughters. Disaster would ensue if they were sons, or not blondes.

Senna is living happily with her girlfriends, let nothing disrupt that.

Siobhan’s life is great, with her gift her life will be as she wishes it to be, and she seems to truly enjoy being a vampire. It wouldn’t even be a question for her.

Stefan and Vladimir (no, they don’t get individual entries) are has-beens. Without vampirism, they would be greater has-beens than ever. This makes Aro’s century, and he makes it clear to the vampire world that no one is to turn these two back. Their lives suck and then they die.

Sulpicia is above pesky human sustenance, the mere thought is revolting. She accidentally starves herself to death.

Victoria would be at once more and less paranoid. Her gift isn’t going haywire telling her about all the danger, but she’s a human, so all is danger. I think she’d start drinking too.

Victoria’s NPC army recruits are newborns who love that sweet sweet blood, ain’t nobody turning their back on that.

Tanya would be so fucking happy, oh my god. She can bang all the dudes, and she won’t have to worry about killing them! She forgets that human women have to worry about STDs and pregnancies. Now she has chlamydia and a baby.

Tia’s big problem is that she’s stuck living with this ancient and bitchy loser who takes himself way too seriously. Vampirism on its own is great, she’s down for that.

Unnamed tracker formerly employed by the Volturi was relieved of his duties in the most “oops, you’re useless now” way possible. That hurts your self esteem. Becoming a powerless human would hurt it even more. Unnamed tracker formerly employed by the Volturi does not want this.

Vassilii would grow up, and have a host of issues because being a toddler with memories of bloodthirst and killing people is bad for child development.

Zafrina is having a great time with her girlfriends and her illusions. And it’s been a very long time since they were human, I don’t think anything remains of their culture. At least not anything they’d recognize.

Hope this answers your question, anon...

Edit: Added Carlisle’s Creator, Sasha, and Vassilii. If I’ve missed anybody else, let me know.

Edit 2: Added Bree, Diego, Frank, Kristen, Raoul, Riley, and Victoria’s NPC army recruits.

[sfb123]

Sapere Aude - Part 11

Book: The Royal Heir

Pairing: King Liam Rys x Queen Riley Brooks

All characters belong to Pixelberry.

Catch Up Here

Series Description: I developed a theory of what I think will happen in TRH Book 4, and I was encouraged by some very lovely people to turn my theory into a fic, so here it is. Basically, Riley is recruited to join the Via Imperii, this series will follow her as she joins them to try and bring them down from the inside, and all of the drama and bombshells she learns along the way. Sapere Aude is Latin for “dare to know” it seemed like an appropriate title.

Rating: PG-13 Adult language, discussions of death, conspiracy, blackmail, and other adult themes.

Warning: The Royal Heir Book 3 Spoilers all over the place.

Disclaimer: I have no current affiliation with any other Via Imperii themed stories. Any claims that I have pre-read anything are false.

Word Count: 2,909

A/N: First of all, I have a couple of new readers (hi, thank you, I love you) if this is your first Sapere Aude, stop here, go back, and start from the beginning. This series has a lot of bombs and surprises, so none of this is going to make sense, and it’s going to make it less exciting if you aren’t reading from the beginning. 

Sorry, another long wait for a chapter. I got stuck, and distracted, and like a million other things. The Choices Insider email last week kind of lit a fire under me. When I started writing this (in December) the plan was to have it finished before the last book came out, so I have like a month to get through this. I’m going full out on getting this completed now, I will be working on nothing but this until it is done, and am hoping to finish it in time for the next book to come out so that PB has plenty of time to steal my ideas. 

This chapter took a while for me to work through, but @jessiembruno was amazing and helped me every step of the way, and got like a million rambling text messages from me once the idea dam finally broke. And then pre-reading and leaving me some amazing love notes, and super helpful suggestions. She also kept encouraging me, and pushing me to work on it when my mind would wander into new ideas, or thoughts on some other random WIP that I started throwing together. I love you, and I am so grateful for this friendship that goes way beyond any of this. By the way, you are an AMAZING writer, and I will continue to shout it from the mountain tops as long as I live. 

As always with this series, I need to thank @txemrn for pre-reading. I was having SUCH a miserable day and feeling so shitty about myself (for non-fandom reasons), and your reactions to this chapter made me laugh out loud for the first time in what felt like forever. I appreciate you so much my dear friend. 

And of course, thank you @twinkleallnight for my beautiful series moodboard. 

Tags: Listed below, you know the drill. 

Liam exited the bedroom and walked toward the sitting area. He paused at the end of the hallway to observe his wife and his daughter sitting on the couch. Riley had her blouse in hand, sewing on the button Olivia sent her for her undercover mission. She was showing Eleanor how to sew, talking her through every stitch. The princess was watching and listening intently, taking in every word her mother said. 

He leaned his right shoulder against the wall, crossing his arms over his chest as he admired his family. He didn’t understand how it was possible to fall even more in love every time he looked at them. All he wanted in this world was their happiness and safety, and now here he was, sending his wife straight to the enemy. 

“Hi Daddy!” The angelic voice of his daughter pulled him from his thoughts. 

“Hi Princess. Are you being a good helper for mommy?” He lifted Eleanor off the couch and sat in her seat, placing her on his lap. 

“Best helper a girl could ask for.” Riley held her hand out, palm up, and Eleanor gave her a high five. 

Liam enjoyed the company of his family for a few more moments, before placing a kiss on his daughter’s cheek. “Alright Eleanor, why don’t you go play in your room for a little while? Mommy and daddy have to talk about grown up things.”

“Yes, daddy. Will you come play after?” 

“Of course, I believe I am owed a tea party.” He gave her a hug before setting her down and watching her run to her room. When she was gone, he turned his attention back to Riley. “How are you feeling, love?”

Riley cut the lingering thread from the button and placed her blouse on the table in front of them before responding. “I mean, obviously I’m nervous, but I’m optimistic that I’ll come back with something we can use. How are you feeling?”

He sighed and pulled her close to him, kissing the top of her head as it landed on his chest. “Riley, I love how much you worry about me, but let me worry about you right now. Let me be your support system. Tell me truly, how are you feeling?”

“I’m...I’m terrified.” She pulled back and looked him in the eyes, tears beginning to pool in her own. “I’m trying so hard to be strong, to put on a brave face, but this is fucking terrifying. We don’t know how deep it goes, we know some of the people that are involved, but how do we know that that’s everyone?”

“You’re right, there are a lot of unknowns, and that’s scary.” He cupped her face in his hands, wiping a falling tear with his thumb. “But I truly believe that we are going to end this. That you are going to end this. Don’t forget, you are the Champion of The Realm.”

“Yeah, but I’m sleeping with the guy who makes those decisions, he may have been a little biased.” She shrugged, half joking. 

Liam removed his hands, his expression becoming more serious. “Riley, that’s not funny. You have earned every single thing you have received since you arrived in this country, our country. I don’t ever want you to believe that my feelings for you overrule my judgement when it comes to your abilities. You are the strongest person I have ever met. If anyone can do this, it’s you.”

“IF anyone can do this. What if nobody can?”

“Then we will face the fallout together. Like we always do, like we always will. We are the King and Queen of Cordonia, Liam and Riley Rys. We are a force to be reckoned with.” He raised an eyebrow as he parroted back her reassuring words from a few nights before. 

She smirked at him. “Hey, no fair, you can’t use my own words to prove your point like that.” 

“Yes I can, old negotiation tactic.” He winked at her and stood from the couch reaching for her hand. “Come on, we still have the whole day ahead of us. Let’s go have a tea party with our daughter, then I’m taking my girls out for dinner.”

****

Two days later, Riley was sitting in the back of an SUV heading toward the Fierro Estate. She was doing her best to quell her nerves, but she couldn’t help her hands from fidgeting in her lap. 

“You seem on edge, ma’am. Is everything ok?” The sound of Mara’s voice cut through the silence, startling Riley. 

“Oh...yeah, I’m fine Mara. I’m just not really sure what to expect from this meeting. Last time I went to one of these events, I found out my mother in law wasn’t actually dead. I don’t know if I could handle another surprise like that.”

Mara chuckled at her concern. “Don’t worry your majesty, this is a simple strategy meeting followed by a dinner. You have met all of the members, so there will be no surprise guests this time around.”

Riley nodded and turned her head, watching the scenery pass by as they continued to their destination. Her mind was racing thinking about what this meeting would have in store. She practiced taking pictures with the pen, and activating the recorder she had sewn into her shirt. As they got closer to the estate, she felt her heart rate speed up, and the knot in her stomach tighten.

When they arrived, Riley was ushered into the grand room, which had been set up with a large table. The other members were standing around in small groups chatting until it was time for the meeting to begin. Riley fidgeted with the pen, twirling it in her fingers before lifting it to her face and tapping it against her chin and clicking it several times. She hoped it came off as a nervous habit, providing cover for the fact that she was actually taking pictures around the room. 

She gasped and nearly jumped out of her skin at the feeling of a hand gently being placed on her shoulder. She whipped around to see Eleanor smiling softly at her. “Riley dear, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you.”

“Oh, Eleanor. Hello.” Riley held her hand to her chest, trying to get her heart rate back to normal. “It’s ok, I’m just a little nervous. Not really sure what to expect from this meeting.”

“Don’t worry, I promise it’s just regular business, nothing earth shattering. Come on, it’s time to get this started, and you’re sitting next to me.” Eleanor wrapped her arm around Riley and led her to the table. The other guests took this as their cue to follow, as the meeting was about to get underway. As Riley sat, she adjusted her skirt and blouse, using the opportunity to activate the microphone embedded in her button. 

As the chapter president, Eleanor kicked off the meeting by greeting their newest member, Queen Riley, and explaining that she was there to help push their initiatives though with the King. Riley clenched her fist ever so slightly, a trick she used when she was trying to keep her expression neutral. They continued on, reviewing the minutes of the last meeting, it all seemed to be pretty mundane, things that wouldn't even necessarily cross hers or Liam’s desk. 

Then they opened up the floor to new business, and Neville stood to address the room. “I would like to revisit the Auvernal alliance.”

Riley was able to maintain her stoic expression, but her body tensed at the mention of Auvernal. She and Liam had made it perfectly clear that there would be no alliance. “I don’t believe there is anything to revisit there.” She chimed in. “King Liam and I determined that the alliance would not be beneficial for Cordonia.”

“Actually, I believe you determined the alliance would not be beneficial to you and your husband.” Neville rebutted, crossing his arms over his chest. “You didn’t want to marry off your daughter, you didn’t bother thinking of what the alliance could bring to our country.”

“Are you questioning the decisions of your monarchs? I urge you to remember your station, Lord Neville.” Riley raised an eyebrow and stood a bit taller. 

Neville scoffed at her threat. “And I urge you to remember that you may have slept your way to the top in Cordonia, but the Via Imperii is bigger than the monarchy, and in this society, I outrank you.”

“Well, if being the Queen doesn’t matter in this room, then there is nothing stopping me from coming over there and beating your a...”

“Ok ok ok, let’s all calm down here.” Eleanor grabbed Riley’s arm, stopping her from charging at Neville. “Let’s all sit down and have a rational conversation, weighing out the pros and cons of an alliance.” Riley and Neville both sat down and exchanged narrow glances. “Now Neville, since you have brought this proposal to the group, you will go first. Please explain to us your thought process on revisiting the alliance.”

Neville nodded and smirked at Riley. “It is clear that combining the financial security of Cordonia with the military strength of Auvernal would make us an unstoppable force. Besides, we need the extra protection given our country’s recent history.” He glared at Riley once again.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Riley huffed. 

“Look at the instability we have faced in recent years. Our crown prince abdicated, his successor, our current king, broke off a perfectly suitable engagement to marry a foreign commoner who was marred in scandal.”

“He released a statement that cleared that whole thing up. The scandal is irrelevant.” She could feel her cheeks heating up.

“Do you really think people stopped talking about it? You can’t really believe that it won’t be a part of your legacy as our Queen.” 

Riley slouched down in her seat. She knew she should remain composed, but bringing up the Tariq scandal hit a nerve that she didn’t know still existed. One of her biggest concerns in continuing her relationship with Liam, and accepting his proposal, was that his success as King would be overshadowed by the scandal she had faced. She had thought that after all these years, it would have been forgotten, but Neville bringing it up just brought everything back up and made her realize it would be something that was attached to her name forever. 

“Besides the personal problems our royal family has faced, there have been multiple attempts to overthrow them just within our own country. Sons of Earth, Duke Godfrey, Barthelemy Beaumont, just to name a few. Other countries are seeing this, and it won’t be long before they try to come for us as well.” Neville continued. 

“While I don’t agree with his delivery, Lord Neville does make some valid points.” Emmeline interjected, the rest of the room began murmuring in agreement. Riley couldn’t hide her shocked expression as she felt tears start to build up in her eyes. She blinked them away, she was not going to give them the satisfaction of seeing their queen cry. 

Eleanor took back control of the room before turning to Riley. “Riley, would you like to counter? You and Liam worked directly with Auvernal during the marriage alliance talks, you clearly have some insight that we may not be privy to.”

Riley took a deep breath to get her emotions under control before standing to address the room. “Aside from the fact that Bradshaw and Isabella are deplorable people with hell spawn children, the main reason that we decided an alliance was not in the best interest of Cordonia, was because it was clear that their interest was not an alliance, but a hostile takeover of our country.”

“Perhaps we would prosper under their rule. I haven’t heard of any coup attempts in Auvernal, it seems to me like they’re doing something right.” Neville spoke up. 

“So that’s it then? You all think Bradshaw and Isabella would do a better job as your king and queen, so I’m just supposed to convince Liam to relinquish the throne?” Riley threw her hands up in frustration and stepped away from the table. 

“Your majesty, we’re not making the final decision right here, right now, we just want to remain open to the idea and explore some options.” Emmeline tried to talk Riley down. “Perhaps you and King Liam could take a meeting with them, a friendly lunch maybe, just to open the lines of communication.”

“This is ridiculous. I can’t believe you all expect me to agree with this!” Riley was now pacing the room, overcome with a nervous energy.

Eleanor stood and lifted a hand to quiet the room. “Alright, that’s enough. I think we’ve gotten as far as we’re going to get with this conversation tonight. Dinner is being set out in the dining hall. I suggest we adjourn for the day. Let’s all compose ourselves and think about all sides of this conversation. We will pick up the conversation at the next meeting.”

As the members started filing out of the room, Eleanor approached Riley and gently placed her hand on her arm to keep her still. “Are you alright Riley?” 

Riley shrugged Eleanor’s hand off of her, anger clear on her face. “Of course I’m not alright. I basically just had a room full of my subjects telling me that my husband and I are doing a shitty job, and they think those monsters are better suited to look out for their best interests. Of course I’m not fucking alright!” Riley moves in closer, lowering her voice but not losing any of the anger in her tone. “I thought you were here doing this to protect Liam. Do you really think that this is protecting him? Handing his kingdom over to Auvernal?!”

“Riley, I always have Liam’s best interests at heart, I promise you that. Why don’t you head home, take a couple of days to relax and take everything in. I will set up a meeting for you and I later this week to talk about everything and work out a game plan.”

“Fine, I can’t stay here anymore anyway. And I definitely don’t have an appetite for dinner.” Riley walked out of the room, looking for Mara so that they could get back to the palace. She stepped into the dining area and saw Mara standing in the far corner talking to Neville. She clenched her jaw and took a deep breath before approaching the pair. “Mara, we will not be staying for dinner. We are returning to the palace immediately. I want to be home to put my daughter to bed.” She wasn’t going to give Neville the satisfaction of knowing she was leaving because of what he started. 

“Of course, your majesty.” Mara nodded and exited with Riley. 

The ride home was silent. In all the years that Mara had worked for Riley, she had never seen her this upset. She wasn’t entirely sure how to handle it, or what would be considered overstepping her duties, so she decided to stay quiet and let Riley speak, if she wanted to. She didn’t. 

They arrived at the palace and walked together to the royal quarters. As Riley placed her hand on the doorknob to enter, Mara cleared her throat to get her attention. “Your majesty, I know this was a difficult evening for you, but I do feel I need to remind you that discretion is key in the Via Imperii. His majesty cannot know what happened tonight. You will need to lock those feelings away for the time being.”

Riley pressed her lips into a thin line and nodded. She knew she was going to fall into Liam's arms and cry the second she saw him, and then she would tell him everything, but she couldn’t let Mara know that. “Liam and I will be staying in for the rest of the night. You are dismissed for the evening.” Riley walked into her quarters and shut the door before Mara had a chance to respond. 

As soon as she closed the door, she leaned back against it and dropped her head into her hands. Liam came walking into the room, the smile that appeared on his face when he heard the front door open quickly faded as he took in the sight of his wife sobbing at the front door. “Riley?” She looked up at him, tears streaming down her face as she tried to catch her breath. He rushed over to her and pulled her close, she buried her head in his chest as he stroked her hair and kissed the top of her head trying unsuccessfully to soothe her. “Shhhh, it’s alright love, I’m right here, I’ve got you. Tell me what happened.”

Riley could barely speak, but she slowly tried to explain everything that had happened that night. Liam walked her to the couch as she spoke, she needed to sit, anything to help her relax and calm down. He stared at her in disbelief as he listened to his wife tearfully recap her evening. 

On the other side of the door, Mara pulled her phone out of her jacket pocket, selecting one of the contacts and bringing the phone to her ear. “My lord, you were right. We will need to put your plan in motion.”

Permatag:

@anjanettexcordonia @athena-penrose @bbrandy2002 @chemist-ana​ @choicesficwriterscreations​ @choiceskatie​ @cordonia-gothqueen​ @cordoniaqueensworld​ @emkay512​ @gabesmommie1130​ @gkittylove99​ @hopelessromanticmonie​ @iaminlovewithtrr​ @jessiembruno​ @kat-tia801​ @khoicesbyk​ @kingliam2019​ @lucy-268​ @marshmallowsaremyfavorite​ @mile9213​ @mom2000aggie​ @pixie88​ @queenrileyrose​ @secretaryunpaid​ @sweatyrysconnoisseur​ @tessa-liam​ @theroyalheirshadowhunter​ @twinkleallnight​ @txemrn​

Sapere Aude:

@burnsoslow @busywoman @gardeningourmet @ofpixelsandscribbles

Liam x Riley:

@jared2612

Liam:

@amandablink @yourmajesty09

[everythingsinred]

Let's Talk About NatsuMikan: Natsume (pt. 2)

And we're back with more exciting and mean Natsume! Here we will further explore Natsume's life and how absolutely dark his existence is, as well as some very important aspects of his personality that will be useful to us when NatsuMikan starts picking up speed.

Again, I am warning people that this whole essay in general talks heavily about topics like bullying, child abuse, suicidal ideation, and depression, so if those are triggering topics, it might be better for you to not read.

Previously, we were introduced to Natsume and he has sent Mikan on a dangerous quest to the Northern Woods. During that trip, she and her friends have captured his one and only best friend, Ruka, which will not bode well.

Chapter Five

Chapter Five is instrumental for completing Natsume’s introduction, long as it’s been. Natsume is a mysterious character, and he will continue to be evasive and strange for many chapters to come, but by the end of this chapter, we will understand some basic foundation for his character.

The chapter starts with Ruka’s point of view, recalling a moment when he saw Natsume cry, presumably after a mission. Ruka wonders why it’s only Natsume that has to go through “this”, and Natsume tells him that he can take it--for now. He says he wants to grow up and be an adult, to be big and strong enough to properly escape this hell. This is a consistent wish of Natsume’s, and in many ways his only wish: to grow up already.

Higuchi really out here trying to convince us this was supposed to be a cheerful story.

Natsume had to be an adult, had to make the selfless and responsible choices for the sake of his family and for Ruka, had to abandon play and smiles and laughter for a life of secret missions and frequent hospital trips. He’s dying and he wants to be an adult already because he’s certain he’ll never be able to grow up. He wants his body to match the level of responsibility he’s had to take on, but he can’t force the outside to match the inside, especially when he’ll probably be dead long before it happens anyway. This wish evolves and changes when he falls for Mikan, but it doesn’t go away.

He associates adulthood with control, because his life at the academy has been observing the adults control and use him. He wants control for once, to be able to make a choice and even just say no.

Ruka notes that Natsume hasn’t cried at all since that night, and that he now keeps all his sorrow locked away. This kid needs therapy, immediately. This is another reason that Ruka is so precious to Natsume. Ruka is compassionate and kind, so concerned about his friend that he would also shut away his own heart so that he can’t be happy for as long as Natsume is in agony.

Natsume has a scene of his own, where he snaps at Permy for saying that Mikan is full of crap and lying about being an alice. He points out that the academy is not an easy place to lie your way into, and Permy immediately backtracks and lies that she’s agreed with him this whole time. Like I’d said earlier about the loneliness involved in being surrounded by fans who don’t really know or understand you, having people all around you bend over backwards for your approval makes it clear that they really have no interest in what you’re saying, just that you’re the one saying it.

In the anime essay, I’d pointed out that because of their admiration for him, it would elude people that Natsume is in fact lonely. He speaks out against things and people rush to agree, not really considering why he might say that. This is a similar moment, though he doesn’t seem too bothered by Permy’s behavior. It’s still concerning, but it’s interesting to compare this “yes, man” attitude to Ruka’s.

There is obviously a difference between someone agreeing with every word of your mouth no matter how much it changes and contradicts, bending over backwards for your approval, and someone wanting to match you out of compassion, but Ruka’s line of thinking does still have some major flaws.

Ruka is a child, just like the rest of them, so even though this behavior is motivated by love and compassion, it’s still immature and raises some questions.

“If you won’t smile, I won’t smile either,” is a sweet line, but now Natsume is aware that Ruka’s misery is his fault. If he wasn’t so sad, Ruka could be happy. This doesn’t make Natsume happy; it just makes them both sad, and that doesn’t solve any problems. Naturally, Natsume would never say that, and Ruka would claim he’s unbothered and--just like Natsume--that he doesn’t care about hanging out with the others, but they’re both miserable now, and I think this is part of the reason why there’s a gap between them at the start of the manga, and why they’re a bit distant, despite being best friends.

They’re each other’s most important person, but they don’t really communicate that well, and Ruka constantly feels like a burden.

Natsume needs something that Ruka can’t give him, and that something is what he’ll eventually get from Mikan.

That being said, at the moment, Natsume is getting nothing but irritation from Mikan. When he finds out Mikan and her gang kidnapped Ruka, that irritation turns into rage and we see a final fundamental building block for Natsume’s character: his berserk button.

Natsume doesn’t care about the reasoning or justification for the kidnapping. He doesn’t care about explanations or common sense.

His rage only increases when he discovers Ruka was tied up and even beaten (he is told this by a classmate, when Ruka is actually unharmed). The other kids in Class B--his admirers--are terrified to see how scary Natsume is when he’s furious.

Natsume's biggest weakness is Ruka so Mikan is kinda fucked.

He doesn’t care about the game anymore. He only cares about Ruka.

So he goes to the Northern Woods, where nobody is expecting him. He tells Mikan to leave the school, which… she cannot do, obviously. He is overtaken by rage and he ceases to be reasonable.

He uses his alice on everyone but Ruka, and is about to use it on Mikan, but her alice nullifies it. Then Narumi kisses him, prompting him to pass out.

Here, we are introduced to a consistent character trait of Natsume’s, one that may contradict all that talk about forced maturity and selflessness. In fact, Natsume’s habit to go absolutely postal on anyone who threatens a loved one is a contradictory one. Going into a rage requires the sacrifice of common sense and reason for the sake of complete emotional detonation, and as a result he fails to understand that his actions could inadvertently hurt his loved ones or innocent bystanders. No reassuring words are enough to calm him down, and sure enough Natsume will destroy something.

It’s important that we see this trait now, as part of Natsume’s informal introduction, as we will see plenty more instances of it later on. In a way, going berserk for someone can even be a love language of his, where if a person being threatened is enough to set him off, he probably cares about them.

And just as interesting as seeing what he does in these situations is posing the why! Why is it that Natsume goes ballistic in these situations, when it requires the loss of the one thing he wishes he had more of, control? My guess is that Natsume has had a rough childhood and much of that time was spent running away from a dangerous entity. Staying cool and calculated under some conditions would have its benefits, but so would the quick-action and confidence that Natsume would gain by going berserk. When you have to protect someone, and Natsume has been in that situation many times, then it’s sometimes even beneficial to be able to lose yourself for a moment or two. But perhaps it’s not that either. Natsume is, despite all his airs of coldness and mystery, actually a very emotional person, and in that way he is easy to understand. Even if this isn’t a habit he developed by watching his loved ones ripped away from him through either extortion, manipulation, or just plain murder, it’s still something he might be predisposed to: attacking with everything he has despite not having a clear plan or even any real thought.

Chapter Six

We pick up where we left off and Natsume wakes up grumpy after everyone seeing him under the effects of Narumi’s pheromone alice. He causes more destruction, still in somewhat of a rage, and even causes Narumi a head wound though his teacher seems unbothered by this (or maybe even used to it, who can say).

The next thing that happens is that an alarm rings, signaling that Natsume is due for severe punishment, and, as Naru points out, not something he can help with this time. Narumi warns him to get a move on before a mystery enemy (Persona) arrives, and that is enough to scare Natsume into getting out of there. But not before he issues a word of warning of his own to Mikan, that she will regret coming to Alice Academy of her own free will.

Isn't it interesting how her optimism, something he hated so much about her from the start, ends up being something he loves about her?

I have very many thoughts about this warning. It might even seem like a threat, as if Natsume will go out of his way to make sure she regrets her decision, but he does no such thing. He is convinced that Mikan doesn’t need help reaching that conclusion--she will realize it on her own because the school is simply that terrible.

It makes a little bit of sense to view Natsume’s hatred of Mikan this way: Mikan skipped right into his own personal hell with a smile on her face and a bubbly attitude. Meanwhile, he fought and kicked and screamed right until the very end when he was forced into attending the academy. And Mikan is not some normal girl who might be able to live a quiet and pleasant life in the academy. She’s already been marked, what with all the games about her enrollment, and that might anger Natsume even more: she’s really naive enough to walk into a place that’s not just hell to him, but inevitably to her too. Because of this, Natsume hates her and is predisposed to hate her more the more cheerful and optimistic she is.

And, unlike in the anime, this hatred takes much longer to go away.

Anyway, we see Natsume again later in class, when he shows up late after having just been terribly abused as punishment for his actions in the Northern Woods.

In the anime, Natsume catches Mikan insulting him while wearing the punishment mask, and although he’s covered in scratches and the kids are whispering about his bad mood, there’s not much else to it. He doesn’t seem any more unpleasant than he’s been this whole time.

There's nothing funny about this but I will put here as a warning that anybody who jokes that kids should be hit will be hit by me!

In the manga, Natsume is so weak that he can hardly stand. It’s not just scratches, but blood and gashes on his wrists and legs. The mask is not only used to mark him, it’s also used to punish, by physically abusing him when Persona has better things to do.

He makes his way to his seat, but Narumi is on the way, just enough to make a quippy comment.

(I wonder sometimes about Narumi establishing himself as untrustworthy to the children, particularly Natsume, and how exactly that’s supposed to be a help to the student body at large. I mean there’s the possibility that Mikan is special, and her being Yuka’s daughter helped Narumi remember what he became a teacher for. In that case, it might make sense that Narumi, being so jaded and bitter, might be content acting as a villain to the abused children of the academy, and especially to Natsume, but I can’t help but feel that’s not the case. I don’t want to think that Narumi was willingly complicit and even amused by Natsume’s abuse. It’s difficult to tell for sure, though, because Narumi is way more mysterious than Natsume tries to be.)

Sumire tries to kiss up, whining to Natsume about how everyone is suddenly acting so nice to the new girl, until Natsume forcefully kicks her desk to shut her up. He only holds back with Ruka, who he would never lash out at.

Narumi then announces that Mikan shall have a partner, and that her partner will be Natsume. It’s funny because although Hotaru made it clear she didn’t want the job, Iinchou was willing to volunteer, but Narumi ignores that because he always wanted Natsume to be her partner. At this news, everyone is shocked, wondering if Mikan is supposed to be special, seeing as she’s paired up with Natsume of all people.

Narumi smiles to himself despite the chaos and then lets himself leave the classroom, saying, “let’s see what happens.”

Why does he partner them up?

Mikan thinks Narumi is crazy for this, and from an outside perspective it certainly might seem that way.

Natsume’s theory, as becomes clear later during the exams, is that this was organized by the ESP and Persona, perhaps as a punishment, but definitely with ulterior motives. He is closer to nailing it, but a little off. There is no way in hell the ESP would want to partner the child of rabble-rousers with the school’s pet child soldier. That’s a recipe for disaster. Knowing that the ESP was excited to welcome Mikan because of her alice, and that her presence at the school might encourage Yuka to try and save her, he wouldn’t have wanted to disturb his own plans.

So what is the reason?

It’s all Narumi, of course. Perhaps the O.G. shipper, Narumi could tell right away that Mikan’s nullification would be useful, particularly in regards to Natsume. Pairing them up is just another means to an end, as Narumi actually wants the kids to raise some trouble.

Chapter Seven

Being partners with Natsume is quite unhelpful.

Mikan ends up a No-Star and her Special-Star partner is for the most part absent throughout her ordeals, having to cope with it all on her own.

Chapter Seven is mainly lacking Natsume. He functions to not function for most of it, that is to establish himself as being a terrible partner.

There is a moment that stands out, when Mikan is writing a letter to her grandpa, where Natsume appears. Yes, he appears in her head to taunt her about her regret coming to the school, and she spites him by committing to optimism and determination in the future. But he also has a short appearance paralleling a panel of Mikan: they are both in their beds, awake.

WHAT WAS THE REASON?????!??!?!?

This parallel is interesting, their panels right next to each other. She is thinking about her grandpa, and we have no way of knowing what Natsume is thinking about, but there has to be a reason for him to appear despite having been mostly absent so far in the chapter.

To me, it’s another narrative tool to pair them together. They have been so far, in more ways than one, and will continue to be as they fall in love, and this is just another example of how they’d been fated from the start. Even when they hate each other, and even when they aren’t thinking of each other, they’re still tied. Looking at those panels, and seeing Natsume despite his relative irrelevance to the plot, seems to be a message that there’s more to come between them. I don’t know if any of what I’m saying makes sense, or if it seems silly, but there’s very little analysis I can do without just talking about potential.

Later, with Mikan in a new mood, ready to make the most of her situation, the kids are talking about her resilience with both her no-star status and having Natsume as a partner.

Ruka does the talking for Natsume, warning Mikan that she’s being watched and remarking that nobody should have been assigned a no-star for simply disturbing class.

Once again, Mikan and Natsume are paired: they are both treated unfairly, with Mikan given a no-star status she doesn’t deserve, and Natsume given a special-star status despite the fact that he doesn’t even go to class most of the time. They’re the exceptions to the rule, and the reader is made to wonder what exactly it is that they have in common that would result in this treatment.

Ruka tells Mikan not to trust any teachers at the academy, not even Naru, and this is almost like hearing from Natsume himself. Unlike Mikan, who will happily make strong bonds with teachers like Narumi and Nodacchi, Natsume has absolutely no positive adult figures in his life. His father is far away, his mother is dead, and every teacher is someone he holds either directly or indirectly responsible for his suffering. The adults at the school have failed him and he has nobody to trust. Something Natsume needs is a positive role model, somebody he can look up to and have faith in, because as it stands he’s a traumatized boy who absorbs negativity and takes it out in bad ways. A trustworthy adult would very much help Natsume grow and learn better coping skills, and in the meantime it makes perfect sense that he would act out and even be a bully at times.

Chapter Eight

Natsume has a habit of ignoring any and all episodes where Mikan has confrontations with her teachers. He is either dozing off or listening to music with Ruka, and doesn’t seem particularly interested in even watching.

That being said, we see a new side to Natsume in this chapter, a new emotion in a way we haven’t before: fear.

Natsume ditches class with regularity. He does not care about being present. For most classes, he would simply walk out and go screw around somewhere else, but with the dangerous ability class, he doesn’t have that choice.

The other teachers may be complicit, but they won’t do the abuse themselves. Persona is not above that, as we have already noticed despite never even seeing him so far.

If Natsume does not want to attend the dangerous ability class, then he has to run for it, and in this chapter he does, like his life depends on it, because his safety sure does. He’s only ten years old and forced to do horrible missions for the school. This is one of the scenes that reminds me that he is just a child. He knows he could get punished for running, but he does it anyway. Maybe, if he runs fast enough, they won’t catch him. Maybe, if he doesn’t get caught, he doesn’t have to go on a mission. Maybe, just this once, they won’t mind if he doesn’t show. It’s such a childish and desperate thing to do, to avoid pain at the cost of more pain to come.

Natsume is scary when he's scared...

It’s funny that as he is running from pain, he runs into Mikan, who will later alleviate his pain. For now, he just shuts her up so that Persona can pass the area while looking for him. We see Persona for the first time, what Natsume is scared of more than anything, and although his fear seems obvious, Mikan is preoccupied by annoyance for being shut up like that.

They bicker--or she bickers at him, mostly--until the middle schoolers encounter them and start bullying them.

Natsume is ready to ignore them and walk away, until Sumire’s brother calls him a murderer, reminding us of the rumor Hotaru and Iinchou discussed. Natsume stops, and Sumire’s brother whines that he’s just a special star because he’s “Persona’s favorite”.

Sumire and her brother have, like, nothing in common other than curly hair, huh.

Being Persona’s favorite is no privilege, as we know now from the run-in we just had with him and Natsume’s fear. This sets Natsume off and he starts some fires. When they threaten to call Persona, who Natsume was just running from, he responds that they can call him all they want, but he’ll burn them before he can get there to capture him. We see once again, through Natsume standing up for himself, that his berserk button lacks reason (as he is willing to sacrifice punishment by Persona again).

In a last-ditch attempt to threaten him, the middle schoolers threaten Mikan, who they perceive to be Natsume’s new girlfriend. (Calling her his girlfriend is interesting because it is even more proof that they are being narratively paired together! It shouldn’t be a surprise at all that they eventually get together, when almost everybody around them pairs them up like this, even when they can’t stand each other.) They do not expect that Natsume actually hates her, and genuinely doesn’t care if she gets bullied or not. He smiles in twisted amusement at this turn of events and walks away for good this time, leaving Mikan to be bullied.

Aw, he's smiling! How sweet.... oh wait that's a skull.

Now, Natsume is a good person deep inside, somebody who is selfless and kind in secret ways. There is no secret kindness about this scene. He is not a nice person, for sure, and this scene is proof of it.

Natsume is used to sacrificing himself for the comfort and well-being of his loved ones, so there might be relief in not caring about the comfort or well-being of somebody, and being able to choose his own well-being before that of somebody else for once. It makes sense that he would be so amused, because this time nobody has anything to hold over his head.

Conclusion

We have seen some more of the abuse Natsume faces on a daily basis. He and Mikan have been partnered up and they are presented narratively as foils and as pairs even outside of that dynamic.

For the next part, we'll see even more examples of them being paired together, as well as how Natsume is isolated from his classmates.

<- Previous Next ->

[stufftippywrote]

perfect

Cicadas sing a sharp song in the trees. The heat blisters the pavement. It’s a miserable summer afternoon for most people, which is why Wei Ying loves it. It’s nothing compared to sticky, swampy Yunmeng summers. In dry heat like this, the sun feels good and the trees are brilliant green and Wei Ying loves being alive.

He doesn’t love being in class, but at least everyone is miserable along with him in this heat. Lots of mopping brows, lots of unsatisfied murmurs. Is there any relief to be found in Gusu on such a day? Some have heard there’s a lake a bit further up in the mountains, big enough for swimming. But they’re not allowed to go up there; it’s off limits to everyone but Lan inner disciples. Only Wei Ying knows for a fact that it’s there; that’s because he’s been sneaking off up there every night since summer school started.

Lan Qiren enters and the room falls silent. The frantic wiping of sweat of brows continues, a current of activity in the quiet classroom. Lan Qiren surveys them silently and frowns. He’s sweating, too.

“Due to the excessive heat,” he says, coughing, “the upper grounds of Cloud Recesses will be opened to students for the duration of the day. That includes the lake. The back hills and the waterfall are still off limits.” Nobody picks up this last bit, because the minute Lan Qiren says “lake,” the room starts to buzz with whispers.

Not even Lan Qiren can quell them; there’s a torrent of nervous energy in this room, and it won’t survive an entire lesson. Sure enough, about twenty minutes before the end of the class students start gathering their things as though they’re ready to bolt. Wei Ying knows they’re only waiting for one of them to take the lead, and they’ll all start filing out with or without Lan Qiren’s say-so. Well, that’s a position he’s always happy to fill. He stretches out, grabs his backpack, and leaves the room without a word or a look back.

He heads up the stone stairs carved into the mountain, backpack slung loosely over one arm, whistling to himself. The other students will have some time catching up to him; he knows the way to the lake, and they don’t; besides, they have to go change, and Wei Ying always keeps his swimsuit in his backpack, just in case. So he climbs the stairs solo and pushes through the line of vegetation that lies between the path and the lake.

He’s about to emerge from the trees when a splash draws his attention. Quickly, he hides and peers over at the lake.

Someone’s already there and swimming. Wei Ying sees dark hair, pulled into a neat topknot, and the lines of what looks like a fairly strong body, blurred by the moving water. Some student has beat him to it. Which is a little surprising, because Wei Ying’s the only one with the chutzpah to sneak off in this direction when they’re supposed to be somewhere else. He watches in kind of dumb fascination as the swimmer moves to the near edge of the pond and surfaces.

Oh. Oh, that explains it.

It’s Lan Qiren’s annoyingly perfect nephew, Lan Zhan. Lan Zhan, who is too good to attend classes with students his own age. Lan Zhan who, rather than making friends with such students, serves as a sort of disciplinarian, regularly snapping unruly students back into line with nothing more than a cold glance from his admittedly perfect face. Lan Zhan, who Wei Ying had to learn to avoid early in the summer, because he kept catching him trying to sneak out or tiptoe into forbidden places. That Lan Zhan.

Wei Ying steels himself to be utterly annoyed by whatever happens next.

Lan Zhan lingers for a time, head and shoulders above water. Then he approaches a large rock where his things sit in a neat white bundle. In one fluid movement, he lifts himself up with both hands on the rock and swings into a sitting position, his toes in the water.

It all happens like slow motion. Wei Ying’s brain sputters, then lurches, then goes completely on the fritz.

He’s—he’s—he’s actually perfect.

Wei Ying knew he was perfect, but that was an annoyance like everything. The beauty of his face was a mockery of everything Wei Ying stands for. He could find words to speak when faced with that stern face, but his words have dried up now, because Lan Zhan’s body is – Lan Zhan’s muscles are –

He has no idea Wei Ying is watching him. His face is serene, his body relaxed, and the sun beats on him like a spotlight, turning the edges of his skin to gold. Wei Ying is gobsmacked. How dare he. How dare he sit there with that expression, not knowing that he’s turning Wei Ying’s insides into molten lava just by being there … with thighs like that .. and a bare chest like a sculpted statue … and good god his arms, and his shoulders, and he already has an annoyingly perfect face, only now it’s matched up with that --- that body, and Wei Ying has never wanted to close his mouth around a drop of water the way he does now, as water trickles down Lan Zhan’s chest.

Oh, and he’s wearing a fucking Speedo.

It’s common knowledge that a Speedo looks stupid on like 95 percent of guys, and yet Lan Zhan looks as though it was created solely to fit him. And nothing is left to the imagination. Holy fuck, that knowledge is going to burn though him until he’s cinders. He struggles to concentrate on something – anything but that.

It’s going to be a very different experience the next time Lan Zhan disciplines him.

Oh. Oh, now his mind is up and running again, but the direction it’s going is dangerous. Lan Zhan angry with him, Lan Zhan throwing him against a wall, Lan Zhan tossing him to the grass. Standing over him. Kneeling over him. Those powerful thighs and well-muscled arms. A hard hand on his wrists, unyielding no matter how much Wei Ying resists. Lan Zhan forcing Wei Ying to his knees. Lan Zhan between Wei Ying’s legs, edging forward, pinning him down as…

“Fuck,” he swears, suddenly and far too loudly. Lan Zhan looks up. Eyes suddenly sharp, he leaps to his feet and scans the tree line. Wei Ying has no choice. He just hopes Lan Zhan doesn’t glance between his legs when he shows himself.

He steps forward from the trees, waving a halfhearted hand. “Hi, Lan Zhan,” he says with a grin. “Fancy meeting you here.”

Lan Zhan’s brows knit. “You’re not supposed to be here.”

“Oh, but I am!” Wei Ying keeps moving forward, despite his best intentions. Lan Zhan’s body is like a gravity well, drawing him closer. “They lifted the restriction so we could all come up and swim today. It’s brutal out,” he says, squinting and raising against the sun although he’s actually perfectly comfortable.

“Oh.” Lan Zhan looks at him warily. “So others are coming?”

He says it evenly, but Wei Ying wonders if there isn’t some trepidation there. He’s perturbed enough that Wei Ying’s entered his space; what are twenty-some classmates going to do to him? “They’re changing,” he says. “They’ll be here in a few minutes.” He grins. “Just you and me for the time being.”

He thinks the look in Lan Zhan’s eyes is anger, but he doesn’t know for sure. “How do you know this place?” he asks, sounding unsure and not at all like his usual gentlemanly self.

“Oh, your uncle explained how to get here when he gave us the notice this morning,” Wei Ying lies. “I just didn’t have to go back and change like the others, so I got here faster.” He taps his backpack. “Swimsuit’s in here.”

Lan Zhan’s eyes widen. “You’re going to change … here?”

“Why not? Ain’t nobody here but us boys,” Wei Ying says, and winks. He’s suddenly terrified of showing Lan Zhan his naked skin, but he can’t afford to show it. He strips off his T-shirt.

Lan Zhan turns as though offended by the sight. Well, sure he would be, since no one else can measure up to him, Wei Ying thinks. “Hey Lan Zhan, is this what you do while the rest of us are suffering in class?” he asks breezily, stripping off his shorts and boxers. Lan Zhan’s back remains resolutely turned. “Just swimming out here like a fish all day long? I bet I could beat you in a race.”

“There’s not … room here to race,” Lan Zhan says. He still won’t look.

“We’ll go down to Biling Lake next time,” Wei Ying challenges. “You can look at me now. The swimsuit’s on. I won’t offend your sensibilities.”

“I’m not offend—” Lan Zhan turns, and then something clips the edge of his word. He stares at Wei Ying like he’s got three heads.

“Oh, well, glad to hear, then.” Wei Ying sits down on the rock where Lan Zhan had been. “So. Mind if I take a dip?”

The coolness returns to Lan Zhan’s voice. “Suit yourself.” But he’s still staring at Wei Ying.

For just one moment, Wei Ying remembers all those earlier fantasies. That’s exactly the look he imagined on Lan Zhan’s face in those moments. The look where he can’t quite keep his anger in check. The look that says Wei Ying’s getting to him. Wei Ying has no idea how he is gettingto Lan Zhan in this moment, just sitting on a rock. Unless…

Nah, couldn’t be.

The next moment, Lan Zhan’s diving into the water. His body is an arc of movement, a single curved line, and Wei Ying loses his breath again. Apparently he needed to be reminded that Lan Zhan’s body is a flawless machine. His brain is pinging madly and he wants with all his heart to just drop into the water and swim for Lan Zhan like a shark. That would probably be a bad idea. He knows he probably has an advantage in an underwater tussle, but somehow, he doesn’t really want to win anymore.

Lan Zhan has emerged, in a shallow portion of the lake, his head and half his chest visible above the water line. He has eyes on Wei Ying. “Well?” he asks, something curiously hesitant in his voice.

“Well, what?” Wei Ying feels like he should be holding his breath. He’s careful to keep his voice casual.

Lan Zhan looks down, then to the side, then to him again. It’s a very un-Lan-like action. After a short silence, he ventures in what is almost – not quite -- a tentative voice, “Are you coming in?”

Wei Ying stares down at him. The silence that follows is pregnant with possibility.

“Wei-xiong!”

Nie Huaisang bursts first through the treeline, then, following him, the rest of the students in noisy gaggles. “Wei-xiong, how did you find this place so quickly? We all got turned around looking for it—”

Splashes sound here and there as the students find their way into the lake. Soon, the whole place is echoing with the sound of laughter and chatter. Wei Ying’s gaze finds Lan Zhan, through an increasingly dense thicket of people. Lan Zhan is looking at him with eyes that are almost sad. A moment later, he turns away.

It’s disappointing. Wei Ying had thought – perhaps imagined? – that there was something starting to happen there, something thawing in the relationship between them. He considers giving chase. But Lan Zhan is striding through the trees and disappearing before he can say a thing. So much for that.

Still, Wei Ying has an image he didn’t have before. Lan Zhan, dipped in gold, his body bare and his chin uplifted toward the sun. It’s printed in indelible ink on his mind now, along with a memory of Lan Zhan’s gaze, softer perhaps than Wei Ying has ever seen it. He closes his eyes and savors both the picture and the memory for a moment. Then, grinning, he rejoins his friends.

[time-to-cause-chaos]

i didn’t finish my chem homework yet

Peter and MJ get kidnapped after school and Tony is a worried overprotective dad™ who just wants his kid back.

(This used to be a two-shot but since I’m re-uploading it, I thought i’d just smash both chapters together, here you go)

AO3 link   WC:5,426

The first thing that Peter noticed through the harsh pounding in his skull was that he couldn’t see and there was a heavy metal weighing down his wrists.  He figured those two out pretty quickly.  He couldn’t see because he had a blindfold covering his eyes and his wrists were shackled to the ground, so he assumed he had been kidnapped.

Don’t get him wrong, he was freaking out, but the last few times he’d been kidnapped they weren’t that bad.  Either Mr.Stark came and helped him get out- with a lot of fussing afterwards - or he got out himself.  No one had figured out that he was Spiderman, which was good, it made it much easier for him to make like and get out of there without looking back on it.

His head was still dully throbbing but it was much less worse than it originally was, then the memories came crashing onto him, with another agonizing squeeze of his head.

Him and MJ were talking in the school parking lot, helping each other on the chem homework, ah shit we didn’t finish it, when those people in the cars came and...what happened after that? He racked his brain trying to remember, but no memories popped up.  

Wait.. MJ, dammit

He bit his lip frowning and, achingly, reached a leg out trying to see if she was there or at least close to him.  He would have called out her name but he didn’t want to alert the people that captured them, at least, not yet, he didn’t even know if anyone was even in the room with him.

His toe prodded something and he poked harder-

“Ow, Parker that’s my freaking thigh” 

“Oh, heh, sorry MJ”, he said, voice cracking slightly

“Mm-hmm, so how are we going to get out of here?”

“Can you see?” he tried

“Nada”

Peter fumbled blankly for a moment, “Do you remember what happened?”

MJ didn’t respond for a couple of seconds, “You don’t?”

“Must’ve hit my head”

“Yeah, ok, so those guys came and..took us?  Yeah, you weren’t waking up in the car so you probably hit your head in the parking lot, I’m pretty sure nobody saw anything so I don’t think anyone knows we’re gone”

“That's fine”, he could see- well, not really -MJ judging him

“You really need to rethink your sense of ‘fine’”

Peter would have said something but a bang shook the walls, effectively, cutting off his words.  

MJ’s foot was, lightly, leaning against Peter’s knee, and his blindfold was harshly ripped off, eyelids immediately shutting back, unaccustomed to any sort of light.

Before he could even try again to see again, “Look, I want something”

“Well duh, I want to get out of high school, but at this rate it’ll never happen”, Peter snarked, thinking of all the treacherous finals they were preparing for.

He could see now and the lights were actually pretty dim, compared to the normal brightness lights usually were.

There was a man standing in the center of the room, he seemed pretty normal, if you passed him on the street, you probably wouldn’t have blinked twice.  He was wearing a faded red t-shirt with a motorcycle on it and he had a light tan with brown hair, he seemed pretty young, no more than 25.

“Listen, I don’t want to hurt you, I swear on that, but I got friends in the other room who wouldn’t hesitate, so you’re going to unlock your phone and call up Tony Stark” his voice shook, and he sounded...scared.

Scared people do reckless things.

The man held up Peter’s phone in 2 fingers, and Peter turned his head to see MJ fully staring at the man(let's call him Jeff) down with a glare.  Sadly, Jeff didn't even blink in her direction, because if he had he would be terrified.  Peter knew that first-hand, he had been pinned with that look way too many times.  MJ could be very scary when she wanted, like Natasha.

“Look, man, you know Tony Stark could track my phone before you could blink, right?” the man’s face was paused, “He’s Tony Stark” Peter emphasized.

“We have advanced hackers protecting this area, so at least for a little bit, we’ll be safe.  Thanks for the concern though” his face hardened, “now call”

“Alright, fine”, he surrendered.

MJ cast him a side-glance and he gave her a nervous smile in return

“Can you uncuff me, so I can call him?”

“Sure, kid”

On cue, 3 beefy men stalked in, forming a half-circle around them.  One more person walked in, a woman, muscular with her ginger hair in a ponytail.  

He grimaced, he couldn’t take on everyone in such a small room, especially with MJ still chained to him, he didn’t know if he could defeat them even if they were out on a field with no one around.  Those guys looked like an elephant couldn't make them budge, they were literally covering half the lights, filling his eyes.

Jeff came behind him and freed one of his wrists from the miserable cuffs, and handed him the phone. 

The lady who had come in, pulled out a sea green dagger bejeweled with gems, it was beautiful but not helpful in this scenario.  Don’t let it fool you, it may have looked lovely but one look at the blade would show it’s still efficient.  

She knelt down next to him and gently held it against Peter’s chest, “try and cry a little, sweetheart, we want our money”

Ok, they want money.

MJ next to him tensed, “Be careful where you put that thing” 

The lady, now called Cam because Peter’s brain said so, pulled another dagger out of her pocket, a purple one now equally pretty as the other- what did she collect them? -and directed this one at MJ.

“Listen, or else your girlfriend’ll get it”

“She’s not my girlfriend”, he muttered.

Peter chewed the inside of his cheek, these people were much harsher than Jeff, who was now standing towards the back of the room watching them silently with his arms folded over his chest, eyes avoiding his.

Peter couldn’t risk getting MJ hurt so he typed in the password and made a show of him raising it to his ear.

The dialed ring took 10 seconds before it clicked and Mr.Stark picked up.

“H-hey, Mr.Stark”, his throat was dry and he cleared it, trying to get the squeak out of his voice.

“Sup, kid” Mr.Stark said, “Is May home?”

“Yeah, uh Mr.Stark, I’m not really at home right now” a small whimper broke out as Cam pressed the knife’s blade into his chest, a dribble of blood ran under his shirt.

Geez, why was she pressing it so hard, he wasn’t going to teleport through the phone line and escape.

Tony paused, “Ok, I’m tracking you right now, unless you tell me what’s going on.  Are you hurt?  Where are you?”

 MJ looped her ankle over his knee and she threw him another weak smile, probably to distract him from feeling a knife pressing into his chest.  It wasn’t even cutting deep but knowing that Cam easily could, made him worry.

“No I’m good, just-”, the phone snatched out his hands before he could respond.

“Hi, Stark, hope we’re not bothering you, but we need something from you”, Cam said, setting the phone on speaker, with a bored expression

“Actually, I am quite busy, just got pulled out of a meeting for this, but I suppose I could hear you out, as long as you let the kid go”, he replied coldly, Tony already got the gist of what was happening, good.

Faintly, in the background noise coming out of the phone, Peter heard FRIDAY’s voice saying she hasn’t tracked the call yet, he only picked it up because of his advanced hearing.

He let out a low groan, leaning against the wall behind him, trying to ease his headache, and scooched a little closer to MJ.

“There’s two of them actually, we got his girlfriend holed up here too”, MJ glared at her, “You were just sent an email, Stark, follow the simple instructions and you’ll get ‘em back, and in one piece” she added with a sick grin.

“Do you know how many people have tried this trick before? Yeah you probably do, Daily Bugle usually gets to them, anyways, not one of them has worked before.  How do you know yours will?”

Peter knew Tony was trying to stall so he could track the call, but Cam caught on, “Nice try, see you later, Iron Man, and try to remember who we’ve got over here, okay? For their sake” 

She ended the call, cutting off Mr.Starks protests, knelt down next to Peter and squinted, “So kid, why are you so special to Tony Stark?  What’re you his secret love child?”

“I’m just an intern”, Peter replied, his headache had decreased just enough to where he could ignore it, and now that the dagger wasn’t cutting into his skin anymore, he could finally breathe without worrying a blade was about to stab him.

“You’re lying”, she says with an air of finality, standing up, “but that's fine so long as we get our money” she shrugs

“Your daddy’s got 4 hours to do what we sent him or else your brain’s gonna go ka-plooey” she mimics getting shot in the head, twirling on her feet, as an extra, the big guys in the back each pulled out a gun which Peter and MJ shrink back at.

MJ had been quiet this whole time save for the occasional remarks and with a start he realized that she was scared.

It wasn’t too visible but her fingers were having a silent tap-dance on the floor next to her and she was biting down on her lip, and then there was the occasional shine of tears in her eyes that quickly diminished immediately after appearing.

Peter wanted to slap himself, she’s MJ, yes, but she’s never been kidnapped and threatened to be killed before, and to top it all off, her life is depending on a billionaire who has to pay up.  Of course, she’s going to be scared.

One of the big guys came and reattached the cuff, blocking MJ from his view for a few seconds, before everyone, even Jeff, walked out.

She looked at the floor, and only after the door to the room slammed shut again, did she look back up at him.

“MJ, I’m so sorry I got you into this mess, but we can get out, we’ll find a way and maybe Tony got the location and is already on his way”, his eyesight got blurry, MJ shouldn’t be here, she could get hurt and that couldn’t happen.  MJ knows the basics, throwing a punch, kicking someone in their stomach, but that wouldn’t help against a stupid gun.

She breathed in, “Yeah, I know we’ll be okay, it's still scary though, don’t look at me like that, dork.  It’s not your fault, and I’ll be fine just give me a second”

She closes her eyes sucking in deep breaths and Peter is unconsciously doing the same, taking in air that wasn’t there before,  forcing his tense muscles to relax. They both sigh melting against the wall.

“Mr.Stark is gonna get us out of this”

-

“You sure?” MJ asks, 2 hours later.

“Ok, well I’ve tried to break the chains, they’re not budging”, Peter answers

The past 2 hours, MJ and Peter had been joking around and laughing, almost as if they were back in the school cafeteria with Ned, snorting their eyes out over a stupid joke that was way too old to be funny at that point, and not in a dingy, dreary room, kidnapped, and out for ransom.

Still, it was easier to put on a front then, now they had around 2 hours left based on MJ’s mystical time-guessing.  Now the deadline was much closer and with their kidnappers out of sight for so long- they hadn’t reappeared after they left with Peter’s phone - anxiety was building up and it was getting harder to joke and act like they were fine, you could their smiles being forced to show and a small sheen of sweat breaking out on either of their foreheads.

Now they sat in silence waiting, Peter tried a couple more times to break through the chains or get out of them but each time they just chafed his wrists a little bit more, and MJ forced him to stop before he hurt himself more.

MJ found her eyes starting to slip closed, and she shook her head a little bit to try and clear the mindless fuzz out of her head.  Peter next to her didn’t look far from passing out too, it should have only been 5 in the afternoon about now, though they both seemed ready to zonk out of the world for the next 12 hours.

Peter was more unconscious than conscious when the door slammed open, Peter yelped at the harsh bang and jerked up.  He felt exactly like he had just woken up from an afternoon nap and he had no idea where he was.  MJ was also up and looking around like she couldn’t believe where she was.

“Ah shit, that wasn’t a dream”, she groaned

The only people who came in this time, though, were Jeff, Cam, and one of their meaty bodyguards.

Peter was still blinking ripples out of his eyes as he watched Cam come closer to them.

“Call Stark again”, she shoved, his phone into his face, and he took it nearly dropping it out of his fingers

He huffed but called, he was doing it mostly for himself though.  He wanted to hear his mentor’s voice talking, it always seemed like Tony’s words calmed him down, and he wasn’t complaining, hearing Tony Stark talk about something dumb one of his rich ‘friends’ did at a banquet was always perfect after a nightmare.  At this point, he would settle for anyone’s voice; Steve, Thor, Nat, May, Pepper, Bruce, Bucky, Sam, Rhodey, literally anyone.

If you had told a 13 year-old Peter, who had just lost his uncle and felt 100% guilty for it, that in a little over a year he’d have half the Avengers as his own little makeshift family and Tony Stark as an almost-dad, he’d have called the cops on you, but here Peter was now having a whole home in the Avengers.

He also called without protesting because as much as he wanted to listen to Tony's voice, he also wanted to know what in the world Tony was doing, because Peter wanted him and MJ out of there yesterday.

Tony picked up the first ring and Jeff stepped up this time to speak into the phone, “Where’s the money, Stark?” he hissed

“It’s only hour 2 and you gave me 4 hours, time’s not up yet”, despite his cool exterior, Peter could imagine Tony right now, sweating with anxiety, voice trembling when he fails to catch and correct it, getting frustrated because FRIDAY couldn’t get a location yet, and Peter really wants to get out of here geez.

He wants to get out of here because MJ’s here too and she could get injured and because he still has a lot of homework that’s due tomorrow and it’s really hot in here, and he’s tired because his head is pounding-

“If you wanted these kids you would've transferred the money a long time ago” Jeff spoke

“Fine, I’ll transfer it now-” Cam smirks, hearing Tony agree, “only if you let me talk to them first, give me two minutes with them and you’ll have your money then I can get them both back”

Cam frowns, “no” she says bluntly, as if she’d let him gain the upper hand in this situation

“Then my money is staying my money”

“Jessie-”

So that’s her real name.

“-give him two minutes, and we’ll get our money” Jeff said, trying to persuade her.

They had a silent conversation, staring each other down with their eyes, and Peter noticed they looked really similar, their eyes were each an emerald green and they had the same high cheekbones sculpting their face.

 They’re siblings, he realized.

Jeff didn’t look like he wanted to be there at all, in fact, he looked sick of all this, so Peter assumed his sister was forcing him to be there to get some cash.

 “Jess! Please! Let’s just get this over with”, he pleaded again.

Her eyes flashed and Peter felt compelled to scooch farther away from her out of instinct.

“Fine! This isn’t working, get out of here!”, spittle flew from her mouth and Peter had seen a fair share of crazy, broken people during his time as a vigilante.  She didn’t look so good at all, she actually looked pretty close to ripping her hair out and stomping the hell out of there.

He could tell MJ could sense that too, casting him a concerned look and gesturing her head towards the woman.  

Jeff - Peter wanted to know his real name now that he knew the sister’s - looked lost and he raised his hands, weakly, in a plea, “Jess, this was never supposed to go this far” his face broke down, and he was full-on crying now. 

Peter felt close to crying too, he absolutely despised when people were forced to do something against their will, and by his sister too.  That must feel awful for him.

MJ tried to reach out, but her fingers barely brushed his shoulder until the chains stopped her.

“Peter, please breathe” she whispered

He gasped, face unbearably hot, and the image of Tony popped up in his head-

“You gotta breathe, kiddo, you know oxygen, yeah that, you need that unless you want to pass out”, Tony knelt down next to him on the lab floor, “Can you tell me 5 things you see?...”

His breathing slowed down gradually, Tony helped me calm down from a panic attack, he thought, hazily.

MJ bit her lip, “You okay?”, Peter couldn’t feel anything at the moment but he gave her a small ‘mm-hmm’ from the back of his throat, chest aching.

He realized MJ was still staring at him, and he tilted his head just enough to look at her, “What?”

“You’re pale, how’s your head?”, he shrugged in response

The two siblings were still fighting and he couldn’t hear what Tony was saying through all of their yelling, he strained his ears, and right before, Jess caught on and hung up, he heard Natasha yell through everything else, “держись, детка” (hold on, kiddo)

He managed a smile, and looked to MJ, “They’re coming”

-

The after-effect of all the fighting had the buff guy with them in the room leave - presumably to get out of there - and had Jess pointing a gun at both Peter and MJ’s heads.

“We’ll kill them and get out of here” she spoke, Jeff was frozen watching her, hands frozen in outreach as if to stop her.

She glared, teeth bared, and aimed one gun in each hand, Peter wanted so badly to grab MJ but he couldn’t, he steeled his face and tried to give a reassuring look to her, but the realization that they were actually about to die was looming over them.

Peter strained to hear the sound of familiar repulsors but they didn’t come.

His eyes pressed shut and he heard the safety of the gun click off-

“Wait!” he yelled, “Let MJ go, please!” Jessie, looked him up and down, “please”

MJ was ogling her eyes at him, “Peter, I swear-”

“Stop, just stop, both of you are dying” 

Peter heard the gun go off, yes, but he also saw Jeff lunge at his sister knocking her and the gun down.

Coincidentally, it hit Peter’s chains against the wall, causing the socket it was in to pop out.  He yanked off the other one with his now free hand so that he could move his arms freely with only the weight of the chains hindering his movements.

He lunged for the gun on the floor and kicked it to the corner of the room, getting it out arm’s reach from either of the siblings.

“Ryan! Get the fuck off of me!”, Jessie yelled

As Peter pried MJ’s hands out of the cuffs, his brain started auto-correcting Jeff to Ryan.

Got it.

Ryan was a twig, which wasn’t a bad thing necessarily, but it made it much easier for Jessie to throw him across the room.

Peter had heard first-hand stories of Ned and MJ fighting with their siblings but this seemed a little extreme.

He threw a punch at Jessie as she ran at him, pushing MJ to get her out of the way.

They went back and forth one kick to his shin, an elbow to her stomach, and Peter had her in a good spot, ready to flip her to the ground but he’d underestimated her.  She jumped up, kicking Peter hard on his chest.  He coughed and - how the hell did she get the gun? - slammed his head with the butt of the gun, causing him to scream from the pressure on his head.  

“M-MJ” he managed, trying to get her attention from where she was preparing to knock Jessie’s head to the wall, “Tony” he whispered, as repulsors came firing into Peter’s ears, he had never appreciated the sound more.

Her face turned solemn and she ran back out of the room, nodding her head, Peter smiled, she got it.

Out of the side of his eye he could see Ryan struggling to lift himself off the floor, and Peter’s eyes fluttered as Jessie slammed him against the wall holding him up against the wall, stretching the small cut on his chest.

Throwing him over her shoulder and walking out the door, Peter agonizingly watched as the hallway they were walking through blurred through his vision.

Exiting the building, Peter saw the sun setting colorizing the sky with purple and orange.

She grabbed him and manhandled (or technically, womanhandled) him to his knees, pressing the barrel of the gun to his head.

“Stop!”, he heard Tony yell.

Oh, Tony, yay

Natasha was posed next to Tony keeping a sharp eye that she softened the slightest bit for him to see.  Next to her was MJ, a little farther back, but still holding a knife pointing towards them.  

“How about no, Stark”

Ryan ran out from behind Peter yelling for his sister to stop, Peter sluggishly blinked trying to focus the double-visioned image blurring into his eyelids.

“Kid! Focus on me”, Tony yelled

He could do that.

Tony’s voice was easy to pinpoint and he zeroed in on him, taking in the hot-rod red of the Iron Man suit.  

“Mr.Stark, I didn’t finish my chem homework” he called, earning another harsh stab of the gun into his head.

“Yeah, buddy, we’ll get to it”, Mr.Stark probably thought he was delirious, who knows, maybe he was, he wouldn’t know.

Peter remembered reading stories about loved one’s dying, they’d plead and yell, and the descriptions would say time seemed to slow down but for Peter it sped up.

“Say bye-bye”, Jessie smirked

“NO!”

“Stop!”

“PETER!”

Peter also remembered watching a video where it said if you don’t hear the bang of the gun going off, it’s because it hit you and you’re either dying or dead.

But Peter heard it, Peter heard it as clear as he’d hear music blasting in his crummy old earbuds.  

-

Tony wasn’t busy, he never really was anyways.  Sure there were board meetings and the occasional meet-ups for SHIELD, but being the Tony Stark had its perks, meaning it was pretty easy to get out of things unless Pepper was after him for a signature or conference( he’d been able to slip out of some of those too though, so hah!).  

The point is, Tony basically was able to do whatever he wanted all day which, when his mind was zooming through ideas faster than a car on a race track, was helpful and somewhat enjoyable with new theories pumping through his veins and having FRIDAY take notes of the gibberish he spewed out for later.  

Some days though, the days when that zooming car kept stuttering and stopping, was pure agony, because there was so much he could be doing - there always was - but he couldn’t get them done because his head wouldn’t cooperate with him and it felt he was ripping up, inside and out.

Today was not one of the latter days, he was going at a steady pace in his lab, the oil smudged across his arms and the music moving him as he bopped his head to the beat.  Grinning, he finished the last part of the specs and pulled out some small spare pieces for a prototype.  This was just a random idea he’d had in a dream and it wouldn’t amount to anything too special but it was pretty fun and he had an abundance of ideas on how to advance it further.

Then Pepper came, which he knew was coming because he’s been skipping way too many meetings lately and he could only hold out for so long.  

The meeting was boring, as expected, and it seemed to be dragging on forever.  He wasn’t even paying attention at this point so when Peter called, he was glad he had an excuse as he quickly turned to Pepper and showed her the ringing phone before running out of there.  Those fancy-schmancy business people could think anything they wanted about him, he’d never cared anyways.

The thing was, when he picked up he was ready to hear the kid’s ramblings of what happened at school or some weird fact Ned told him that would make Tony regret picking up.

What he wasn’t expecting was Peter’s words to be shaking and someone else speaking into the phone, cutting Peter off mid-sentence and thank god for FRIDAY who had alerted him, she was already trying to track the signal.

She didn’t get in time though and he almost yelled when the call ended with nothing solved. 

He went up to the living room where Nat was upside down on the couch watching some cheesy sitcom (it was a spectacle when he found out the great Black Widow watches sitcoms but she’d threatened him to stay quiet about it.  She had weird ways to love them.)

“Tasha?”

“Mm-hmm” , she asked, biting into a strawberry distractedly.

“I’m pretty sure Peter got himself kidnapped”

She’s up in less than a second already stalking towards him.  Her face is passive but you can tell she’s worried.  

“Of course he did, why wouldn’t he have?” Nat murmurs, “Do you have a location yet?”

“I didn’t get it in time but Friday’s still trying and I’m pretty MJ’s with them”

She nods, “Have you called Ned yet?”

“Yeah, he said that went out to the parking lot to go home and he hadn’t seen them after that.”

“What about May?” she prods.

“I tried her, she said she wasn’t worried since he usually stays out at school after hours and Ned checked the parking lot and said he found their backpacks there but that doesn’t really help with anything”

“What’s the plan then?” 

“They sent me an email, it’s instructions to deposit money into an account”, he grimaces.

“You know if you hand in the money, you’re going to get in trouble”, she glances at the clock.

“I know, it’s just a last resort.  He’s been in situations like this before, hopefully he won’t get into too much trouble.”

Nat raises an eyebrow, “Are we talking about the same Peter?”

Tony winces.

-

2 hours later, Friday still hasn’t got a location and they got a second call.

He just needed a few more minutes and they’d have a location, Friday was already so close to cracking it.

The call ended just as Nat yelled something in Russian to Peter and just as Friday, claimed she found the place.

Oh thank god

The last time Peter was kidnapped it had been max, 45 minutes and the first time had been around a little less than an hour.  This time it had been over 2 hours and he knew that lady hadn’t been joking when she’d set a deadline.  Right before they’d hung up, she seemed angry and Tony didn’t like to jump to conclusions but she didn’t seem too merciful or lenient.

“Let’s go,” he said, face hardening.

-

They were just a few minutes too late.  Who knows, maybe even 30 seconds would have been enough. 

Peter had still gotten shot though.

His blast had messed up her aim and thank heavens for that because otherwise it would have shot his head.

Instead, the bullet went sideways, stopping just hitting his collarbone.

There was still blood though, and plenty of it at that.  It had run red underneath his nails, staining them and despite their protesting, MJ had been right next to him the entire way drenching the front of her shirt with red.

Peter had passed out along the way, which was a small mercy in itself.  Helen had gotten the bullet out without too much difficulty.  She’d huffed a small laugh afterwards, exasperatedly, saying if it was even a centimeter lower it would have hit his organs, a part of his collarbone was still shattered a little which they’d done a small surgery for before the shards could hit any of his blood vessels or arteries.

He’d also had a pretty bad concussion which Helen had said shouldn’t have done too much permanent damage, he’d just have to be monitored closely for the next day or two.

She’d practically begged him to stop bringing broken teenage spider-boys to her, and Tony would’ve loved it if he could promise her that, but considering his life and Peter, he didn’t think he could hold out on it for too long.

Peter slept for almost 7 hours before he woke up, throwing out his arm and letting out a small gasp when he felt the bone ache.

Luckily, Tony was still wide-awake at that point and gently grabbed his wrist, putting it back on his side before he could rip his stitches.

“T’ny?” Peter asked, struggling to lift his eyes.

“It’s me, kid” he says, placing a hand on Peter’s head.

Peter blinks his eyes open and glances around, before settling on him again, “,‘s MJ o-kay?”

“She’s fine, asleep”, Tony sighs, “You should probably get some more sleep too, bud.  You lost a lot of blood.”

‘I will if you will”

“Oh you’re evil” Tony groans, “Fine then, scoot over”

Peter manages to move one leg a smidge over and Tony laughs, pushing him to the side as he settles in next to Peter, pulling him close to his side and pressing a kiss on his forehead.

“Did you get the guys who got us?” Peter asks.

“Yeah” Tony tightens his grip, “We got them all”

“You know the lanky guy who looks like he just came out of a noodle machine?”

“Weird way of describing him but yes” Tony looks at him.

“Just,” Peter sighs, “Can they cut him some slack, he didn’t mean to do anything.  His sister was making him do it, he shouldn’t be held just as responsible as her.”

“He was still a part of it, Pete”, Tony tries.

“I know, I know, but it wasn’t his fault, he didn’t want to,” Peter insists.

“I’ll see what I can do for him, kid” he settles.

Peter hums in agreement already shutting his eyes.

“You know, you better not be doing this again anytime soon, you managed to scare Tasha”, Tony says.

“Don’t worry I wouldn’t want to anyway, it sucked.  I rate it 0/10, definitely would not recommend”.

Tony chuckles just as Natasha walks in, “I heard you guys talking about me” she observes, smirking.

She sits, pulling up a chair next to the bed and putting her feet on top of theirs from her seat.

“But seriously, don’t do it again”, Nat warns.

Peter smiles, hiding his face in Tony’s shirt.  He falls asleep to Tony’s fingers running soothingly through his hair and the comfortable weight of Tasha’s legs on top of his.

[vennysbottom]

I don’t need it

Wilhemina Venable x FemReader

Words: 2,8K

warning: eating disorders, angst i guess

A/N: I have no idea what this is but I needed to get out of my head. Please, please don’t read this if you think it could trigger you.

*Also, I read something similar on here but couldn’t find it, so if you know, pls tell me so that I could give them credit.

It wasn't enough. The truth was, it was never enough. No number ever seemed right anymore. Each morning you were afraid to weigh yourself, knowing it determined how your day was going to go. For the past few months, the only thing on your mind was weight loss and how you looked. You couldn't focus on anything else, you found it hard to be your positive self and most importantly, you were losing yourself.

You were losing yourself again.

You were not sure how many times this has already happened, but you knew what was going on. There was no reason to try to prevent it though, you felt like you needed to lose a few pounds anyway and saw no harm in doing it this way. Or more accurately, you chose not to see it.

“Y/N baby, I'm leaving” your girlfriend's voice coming from downstairs brought you back to reality. Not realising how long you've been analysing your body in the bathroom; you ran to the front door.

“Still in your pyjamas?” she said while giving you a half-smile. Wilhemina herself was looking as professional as ever, given that it was just 7 AM. She had her hair up, makeup on, and was wearing one of those purple fits that you loved on her. Each morning she amazed you by how good she looked. You leaned in to give her a goodbye-kiss which she gladly returned.

“Have a good day. Love you” you said while getting a hold of her one free hand. She gave it a light squeeze before saying “I made you coffee. I love you too.” And just like that, she was out of the door and you were alone. 

You stood at the doorway for a couple of seconds, deciding what to do today. You had a few online classes that day but they only took up half of the day, leaving the whole afternoon to yourself. 

You went into the kitchen to get your coffee, trying to be as quick as possible. You didn't like being there anymore, it made you feel anxious and guilty. Although, for the majority of your relationship with Mina it has been nothing but nice; you loved cooking dinners for her every day to make her relax and talk about what kind of day the both of you had had, you loved having slow Sunday mornings there. But none of that hasn't happened for quite a while now. Avoiding meals equalled constant lying; on the weekend you’d sleep in since your energy levels were constantly low, and most days you’d lie to get out of eating dinner. You would say that you had to study for a test, had an assignment due or simply that you had already eaten by the time Wilhemina got home.

All of these thoughts were flooding your mind from just standing in the room. You quickly grabbed the cup and left to go into your home office.

Your classes began at 8 and by the time noon arrived you were done for the day. You couldn’t focus on anything your lecturers were saying, which wasn’t uncommon, but this time it wasn’t just the fact that you were exhausted that kept you from paying attention. You kept thinking about how your relationship was slowly starting to fail. You and Mina were in love, but the truth is, your lies were undermining the trust between you two. Until your relapse, you had never lied to her and that’s why she knew that she could always count on you. But she started noticing how distant you were getting and how little time you wanted to spend with her; it hurt her, but she decided to just play along and pretend like everything was fine.

You were aware of all of this. You knew you needed to fix this but sadly enough, you didn’t know how to do that. There was no way you’d be willing to eat - the fear was too overwhelming for you. That’s why you decided to do the next best thing - a quick fix.

The first thing you came up with was a visit at work. There was a high risk of catching your girlfriend taking out her frustrations on one of her poor employees, but the only thing on your mind at that moment was making Wilhemina feel loved. You were mad at yourself for neglecting her because you knew that she deserved way better than that.

You got dressed and made your way to Kineros Robotics, stopping along the way at her favourite coffee shop. You had worked at the company a few years prior, so you knew most of the people by name and knew the place perfectly.

“Hey Jenny!” you greeted your former co-worker with a smile once you’ve made your way up to the front desk. “Y/N! What are you doing here?” she said while looking away from her computer. “Oh, I’m looking for a woman and thought she might be here. You may have seen her actually; long red hair, very kind, the same height as me… Does that ring any bells?”

“Was she wearing purple by any chance?” she asked jokingly.

“You know what? It is possible! How’d you know?” you answered and gave her a toothy smile.

“Try her office Y/N/N. But just a warning: she screamed at me today for letting in a delivery-guy, so she’s probably not in the best mood,” she said while pointing you in the direction.

You knew this was your fault; she does get snappier at work when she's worried about something. So, not only are you two miserable but others get screamed at more frequently. Maybe a quick fix wouldn’t be enough this time, but it was the best you could do for now.

You arrived at Mina’s office to find it empty so you hesitantly made your way down to the guys’ office. It didn’t take long for you to hear muffled voices, one of which belonged to the woman you were looking for, and you could tell that she was upset about something. Upon entering the room, you saw her; she had her back towards you and was supporting herself by the cane in her right hand. Just this image alone was enough to make your heart race. Jeff and Mutt were bending down to sniff what seemed like their daily dose of cocaine. There were also two girls sitting on a table near them, probably just random hookers the guys hired for the day.

“No, no, no, that’s not what I said. What I meant was, that you should watch your temper more” Mutt said loudly before turning around to start typing on his keyboard.

You saw Wilhemina tighten her grip on her cane, “Excuse me?” she said in a cold tone, clearly getting ready to argue.

Jeff stood up after attempting to clean the powder from his nose, “Come on babe. You know you could be nicer to the employees”.

“Shut up Jeff,” you said sternly, making all the heads turn in your direction. “You’re paying her to do all the work around here that you are too lazy to do yourselves, not to be nice to people.” You could see the surprise on Wilhemina's face, but it didn't take her long to regain her composure and protectively reach for your hand once you've reached her side.

Jeff smiled at you and said “Y/N! Long-time no see. Have you finally changed your mind?”

You haven’t seen the two idiots for a couple of months, almost making you forget how gross they were. You took a step forward and stated “I wouldn’t touch your slimy dick with a two-feet pole,” which made both of them laugh slightly. “I'm here to put you in your place since you obviously still need to be reminded,” you continued giving them a cocky smirk. You knew they would not budge, but it was a nostalgic way of entertainment.

“Wow, you don’t have to be so rude baby,” he said pretending to be offended, “Seems to me like Ms.Venable has a bad influence on you.”

Oh, it was on. You were ready to shoot another remark but were stopped by your girlfriend’s hand giving you a squeeze and lightly pulling you back.

“I would choose my next words carefully if I were you; you’re on very thin ice,” Mina said while staring at Jeff. She would normally avoid confrontation with them but her possessive side got the best of her in that moment. Softening her expression, she turned to face you, “Would you wait for me in my office? I need to sort some things out.”

You nodded and turned on your heel to leave. Hearing Jeff shout at you “The offer still stands!” made you turn once more and say truthfully “Hope your brain turns into mush soon, asshole.”

Once you were out of the door and far enough that nobody thought you could hear them anymore Mutt started the conversation, “Damn Ms.Venable, are you even feeding her?” which made a look of confusion appear on Wilhemina's face. “Now, what’s that supposed to mean?” she asked with a hint of offence, trying to find an answer in the face of one of them. Since Jeff was the one who knew you the longest, he decided to explain, “Oh don’t tell me you haven’t noticed anything,” still seeing the puzzled look on his secretary’s face, he went on, “For fuck’s sake, don’t you live together? You must have noticed the weight loss, plus Y/N is never very subtle about this.”

That’s when it clicked and Wilhemina finally understood what Jeff was implying, “She's never subtle? This has happened before?”

She waited impatiently for an answer, hoping that all of this was just a sick joke; the other two exchanged a look of mutual understanding and Mutt finally said: “You should talk to her.”

You paced around the office trying to figure out what to do and how to fix this situation. You knew that Mina was hurt and probably even disappointed; you knew her instinct would be to build her walls up again and you were terrified she wouldn’t let you fully in again. Once you heard the sounds of her cane getting closer, you knew there was no preparing for this.

She entered the room with a somewhat disapproving expression on her face, which she successfully hid when you shot her a warm smile, waiting for her to sit in the chair while you leant on her table. Sitting down, she looked at the cup you were nervously playing with and narrowed her eyes at you. “I thought you might need cheering up today, so I got you your favourite,” you said while placing the coffee on her desk. And you could swear, at that exact moment, you saw love light up her eyes, and the slight smile she offered you gave you butterflies, just like the first time you saw her smile like that. The silence between you that followed made you play with your fingers anxiously but after a while, it was broken by Wilhemina's soft voice, “Well thank you. I appreciate it.”

“But that's not the only reason I stopped by. I've finished all my work for the week…” you traced off preparing yourself to say the latter part, which you'd much rather avoid, “So I thought that I could cook dinner for us tonight because I haven’t done that for a while now. And I wanted to ask you if there was anything you’d like.” At that point your heart was beating so fast you were sure she could hear it.

She could see how uncomfortable you were but wasn’t able to pinpoint the reason for your behaviour; she didn’t know whether it was due to your relationship hitting a rough patch or because Jeff and Mutt might have been right. Either way, she knew she’d find out tonight; playing it cool she kissed you on the cheek and told you that it was completely up to you.

Cooking the food was fine, calming even, but once it was done you realised that you actually had to eat it which caused you to panic. You tried to calm down but your eating disorder made that almost impossible. You sat at the table for what seemed like hours trying to come up with an excuse, eventually deciding to just drink wine and lie if you were to be questioned.

You were disturbed from your state by the door opening and your girlfriend coming into view. She locked eyes with you instantly. You could tell that she was exhausted, that wasn’t anything out of the ordinary after all, but there was more tonight. Wilhemina hasn’t been able to concentrate on anything else than you for the rest of the afternoon. She analysed the situation, her potential steps and their outcomes for the whole ride home. What scared her the most was the fact that in both scenarios, she was running a risk of losing you.  

You were both tense, expecting the other one to start a fight and unable to relax, so you only made small talk. You sat at the table with your glass of wine, playing with the food on your plate while watching Mina observe you closely. Then the tension got too much and she barked out, “Aren't you going to eat?” in a tone so cold, it reminded you of the times you worked for her. She held eye contact with you, almost daring you to lie to her. Almost daring you to start a fight that would break her heart. You quickly answered, saying that you ate right before she came so you were pretty full. Keeping your eyes on her face, you saw her expression change - she went from being irritated to being seemingly sad in a matter of seconds.

“Do you still love me?”

Once the question left her lips, there was no taking it back and it physically hurt you that she had to ask. It hurt to know that Wilhemina felt so abandoned by you, she actually thought you were going to leave her; and judging by the look in her eyes, she was ready for you to say “no”. Wasting no time, you answered, “Of course. Of course, I still love you, Mina.” hoping to sound genuine enough for her to believe you. You watched her closely, waiting for her reaction, but to your surprise, her feelings were shoved back down just as quickly as they surfaced.

She straightened her posture before stating, “Well, in that case, we need to talk.” You felt yourself freeze, knowing exactly what was about to go down.

“Have you been eating?” she asked, not letting you drift your eyes away from hers. You knew she’d catch on eventually and call you out, but you had hoped you had a little more time. With a confused expression on your face, you said, “What do you mean?”.

Wrong answer. Wilhemina was tired of your bullshit and you trying to hide it from her. Her face seemingly hardened as she explained, “I haven’t seen you have a meal in weeks. You’re always making excuses, saying you’re too busy to sit down with me. The two idiots even implied this isn’t the first time this has happened.”

You knew there was no point in pretending anymore, so not caring about the consequences anymore, you snapped, “Oh, so it took Jeff and Mutt telling you everything for you to notice? Good to know.” You got up to leave but the sudden sound of Mina’s cane hitting the floor made you stop in your tracks. “Sit your ass down,” she ordered through gritted teeth. Seeing how mad she was getting and how her knuckles whitened, you thought it was better to obey. Although Wilhemina liked establishing dominance, she very rarely raised her voice at you. But this was different, she was pissed that you refused to take care of yourself and she knew she had to be strict.

“Y/N, eat. Now,” she demanded in a stern tone. You were sitting down, fork in one hand and anxiously pulling the skin on your leg with the other. After a few minutes of silence, she reached for your hand under the table and with a pleading look in her eyes, she said softly, “Baby… please, try. For me.”

You couldn’t stand seeing her like this, so you hesitantly started to eat. You hated it, and the feeling of food in your stomach made you sick. Wilhemina rubbed slow circles on your hand in an attempt to calm you down. Despite her effort, tears started to fall down your cheeks about halfway through the meal, but you still managed to finish everything.

Seeing the plate finally empty caused you to sob uncontrollably. Mina approached you quickly and put her arms around you, pulling you into a tight hug. In between sobs, you whispered, “I hate you so much right now.” In response, she said, “Shhh, I know. I know,” while stroking your hair.

“You did good, little one.”

[ibijau]

You’re a marked man, brother, part 3 / also on AO3

Lan Xichen and his companions make their way through the Magpie King's domain, guided by their new ghost friend

warning for some mild violence and animal death (insects)

As they first advanced into the realm of the Magpie King, everyone was quiet, fearing an attack. Sangcan in particular was highly nervous, jumping and trembling at every noise he heard. A few times he made them get off the apparently empty road and walk into the surrounding woods for a little while before returning to the path. When asked, he would just explain in a pitiful voice that there were traps there.

At first, Sangcan didn't really speak much if he could help it, awed and terrified by these powerful people. He just walked near Lan Xichen, having apparently decided he was the one in charge. Or perhaps it was that since Lan Xichen had promised to try to free him, he thought it best to stay close. 

Remembering that promise as well, Lan Xichen tried to make polite conversation. Asking about Sangcan's days as a living person seemed a little indelicate, especially since his life had been dark enough he'd turned to the Magpie King to hide some parts of it. So instead, Lan Xichen asked about Sangcan's current existence, and tried to get more details about his master's domain. 

On that subject, Sangcan admitted his knowledge was a little spotty. 

"I've not worked in the palace, see?" he explained. "Nobody does, really, it's just him. The rest of us, we patrol around or take care of the little ones." Sangcan shivered. "I like mine well enough, but there's some I wouldn't want to be in charge of, eh?"

"Little ones?" Lan Xichen asked. 

Sangcan nodded and glanced around before discreetly pointing first at the canopy above them, then at the ground under them. 

"They're everywhere," he explained, his voice dropping to a whisper. "That's how he makes his business, right? My little ones aren't so bad, but some others are really… wait, stop !"

Lan Xichen immediately obeyed and stopped walking, but it was too late. 

While they were chatting, Wei Wuxian had come near them, curious to learn more about his fellow Devastation and perhaps wanting to steal some ideas for his own domain. When Sangcan suddenly ordered them to stop, Wei Wuxian was caught by surprise and accidentally stumbled forward, taking two more steps. Sangcan cried out, before pressing both hands against his mouth to silence himself.

At first, nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Wei Wuxian turned to look at Sangcan, tilting his head curiously. Just as he was about to ask what the matter was, he suddenly cried in pain and brutally slapped his own arm. He rose his hand to the level of his face to inspect it, and grimaced. Again he seemed about to ask Sangcan about that, but before he could speak he had to slap away something else, on his shoulder this time, then his hip, his arm again, while something dark started covering his body. The darkness only receded when Lan Wangji threw a few talismans at his husband, causing a mass of little black dots to fall to the ground.

“Mosquitoes?” Wei Wuxian asked, stomping on them.

“Some are escaping, don’t let them!” Sangcan cried. “They’ll report to the king!”

Indeed, now that they knew what to look for, there was a whole swarm of mosquitoes on the path. A huge number of them lunged at Sangcan, as if guessing that he was a traitor and might lead these intruders to the Magpie King if he wasn’t stopped. Lan Xichen and Lan Wangji threw more talismans at them, though ultimately it was Wei Wuxian who took them down. After the initial surprise, he bit his thumb to draw blood and did something which made all the bugs drop to the floor, even those that were trying to leave and against which Jin Guangyao was using his fan.

They all stared at Wei Wuxian, shocked by the ease with which he’d done this. Sangcan was perhaps the most impressed of them all, having been so afraid he’d be denounced to his master.

“So I guess that’s how the Magpie King learns so many secrets?” Wei Wuxian guessed, stomping again on the piles of dead bugs. “I’d assumed he used birds, with his nickname and all.”

“It started with magpies,” Sangcan confirmed. “And that’s what my little ones are. But bugs get into all sorts of places, right? So the King branched out into all sorts of vermines as his power grew.”

“But he kept the old title anyway,” Wei Wuxian mocked. “I guess the Mosquito King doesn’t sound as good, and he’s a little vain, isn’t he?” Before Sangcan could reply, Wei Wuxian turned to Lan Wangji, his expression quickly going from haughty to pitiful as he showed his bloody thumb to his husband. “Lan Zhan, I’m hurt! Look how hurt I am! And they bit me too!”

Much to his brother’s embarrassment, Lan Wangji let out a small noise of concern and started fussing over Wei Wuxian as earnestly as if he weren’t a very powerful and likely dangerous ghost king capable of surviving nearly anything. Unwilling to look any longer, Lan Xichen went to check on his own husband, in a more calm and composed manner.

“I think I’m getting the hang of those,” Jin Guangyao said, inspecting the fan in his hand. “But I wish I’d gotten one with fire power, it might have been more useful than wind after all.” He glanced toward Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji, still lost in the world, and grimaced. “That Yiling Patriarch is something, isn’t he? If he decides to side with the Magpie King…”

“He won’t,” Lan Xichen said firmly. “Not unless he decides Nie Mingjue has done some evil to deserve the Magpie King’s ire, and of course he hasn’t, so there’s nothing to fear.”

Jin Guangyao looked rather unconvinced. In truth, Lan Xichen wasn’t too sure either what Wei Wuxian would do, but it was a risk he had to take. Nie Mingjue had done no wrong, and Wei Wuxian seemed like a man of his word, if nothing else.

Having made sure his husband was fine, Lan Xichen decided to check on the last member of their party. Poor Sangcan was a rather weak ghost by the look of things, and those mosquitoes had attacked him quite viciously. His already plain face was now covered in huge bite marks, and he seemed quite miserable as he watched Lan Wangji rub a soothing balm on Wei Wuxian’s skin.

“I have some as well,” Lan Xichen offered, taking a pot out of his sleeve. “Please help yourself. Are you much hurt?”

Sangcan gratefully took the balm, and started applying it on himself until his whole face was shiny with it.

“I’m quite fine, my lord. I don’t deal much with the bugs usually, but sometimes they escape their handlers and bother everyone, so I’ve been bitten before. The mosquitoes are fine anyway. It’s the flies you’ve got to look for, there’s some very vicious ones. The ones here are carnivores, you know!”

“We won’t let anything happen to you,” Lan Xichen promised. “Between the four of us, I think we can handle some flies.”

Sangcan shrugged, and handed him back his pot of balm. With this taken care of they resumed walking, though Sangcan warned them they would soon have to completely leave the road, since it didn’t actually lead anywhere. Past a certain point it just went in circle, and anyone who didn’t know about it would be trapped on that portion until they died. Sangcan, again, walked next to Lan Xichen, but was far quieter than before. Lan Xichen thought it was because he didn’t want to miss the sign that they ought to leave the road and remained quiet as well, but suddenly Sangcan grabbed his sleeve between two fingers and pulled lightly to get his attention, a very serious look on his face.

“My lord, if that’s not too bold… you’re very nice and kind of not bad looking,” Sangcan said, giving Lan Xichen an appraising look. “And I’ve been thinking. Well, my mother always used to say I was the prettiest man she’d ever seen. And you know, looking at those two…” he gestured at Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji, walking too close and chatting in hushed voices. “I’m thinking if I get a powerful lover, then it doesn’t matter if I can break that contract or not, because I’ll have someone to protect me, right?”

“I’m already married,” Lan Xichen replied.

“I won’t tell your husband if you don’t either!” Sangcan insisted with a wink.

“His husband is right here,” Jin Guangyao remarked, looking very calm in that way which Lan Xichen knew to mean he was quite aggravated.

Sangcan startled at the news, his eyes jumping between the two of them.

“You two sure don’t look married,” he commented. “But in that case, I guess I don’t mind having you both? Or if you’ve been married a while and think of going your separate ways…”

He winked again, and Lan Xichen had to suppress a laugh. It was hardly the first time someone tried to hit on either of them, though this was definitely the worst attempt he’d ever witnessed… and Sangcan’s face, still bumpy with bite marks and shiny from the balm, really didn’t help.

“We’re not ever going to separate,” he announced, “and neither are we interested in spicing things up, before you try that. A-Yao and I are fated.”

To prove it, he cast a small spell which revealed the thin, bright red thread running from his hand to Jin Guangyao's. It was a useful trick to deal with unwanted flirting, one he’d learned shortly after ascending. At the time, he had hoped the thread might lead him to A-Sang’s spirit. Instead, he’d discovered that the person fated to share his life was actually Jin Guangyao, who Nie Mingjue had just brought to the Middle Court. 

To his mild shame, he’d originally been disappointed by that discovery, though of course he’d gotten over that with a little time, and now would not have changed what he had for anything in the world. Jin Guangyao and him weren't as obnoxious or open about their feelings as Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji, but they had a good, steady companionship.

“Oh, that’s a fun trick!” Wei Wuxian exclaimed, jumping closer to look at the thread. “Can you check other people too?”

Lan Xichen hesitated, but nodded and cast the spell on Wei Wuxian. To his consternation, this made it appear that Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji were, in fact, linked by a thread of their own. If Lan Xichen had had any hopes that his brother might return to his senses, this killed them. Nothing could come between a pair of soulmates.

Wei Wuxian grinned and threw himself at Lan Wangji’s neck who smiled at him, the pair of them looking happy beyond words. Lan Xichen sighed. He’d have to reconcile himself with this, especially if it really made Lan Wangji so happy.

“Can you do me too?” Sangcan asked in a high voice as he presented his hand to Lan Xichen. “I've got to know… "

There was something almost desperate to his expression, so Lan Xichen promptly complied. They all gasped at the result.

“Because he’s dead?” Lan Wangji asked, turning a little pale at the sight.

“But I’m dead too and it’s not like this,” Wei Wuxian remarked, glancing at the thread that linked them. 

Lan Xichen said nothing, fascinated and horrified at once by the torn off thread hanging from Sangcan’s hand, its extremity frayed and ugly. In the centuries during which he’d used that little spell, Lan Xichen had never once seen a thread like that one. Either there was a link, or there wasn’t.

Sangcan looked pitifully at the thread, lifting his hand to better look at the torn end, but out of all of them he was the least surprised one.

“Is this something the Magpie King did to you?” Lan Xichen asked. “Or is this the secret you sold him? Did you do something to your soulmate?”

Sangcan opened his mouth, looking utterly scandalised at the suggestion, but no sound came out. He tried again a few times, only to end up looking like a miserable fish. 

"Fine, it wasn't you," Wei Wuxian guessed, and immediately Sangcan calmed down. "But something happened. Someone did this to you, and your curse is linked to that."

This time, Sangcan did not even try to speak. He just looked at Wei Wuxian, his eyes shining as if he might start crying. Feeling sorry for him, Lan Xichen lifted the spell on all of them so at least Sangcan wouldn't have to see this proof of what he had lost. He wanted to offer some words of comfort to the ghost, while Wei Wuxian looked ready to interrogate him. 

Neither of them had the chance to say anything.

Just as Wei Wuxian opened his mouth to ask more questions, a loud humming sound started coming from above them, and Sangcan cried out in fear before hiding behind Lan Xichen. With the mosquitoes still in mind, they all braced themselves for another attack. As the noise grew closer though, Lan Xichen wondered what sort of insect might make a buzzing sound so loud he could nearly feel the vibrations reverberating inside his body.

“Zewu-Jun, behind you!” Wei Wuxian cried out.

Lan Xichen twirled around, Shuoyue in hand, and sliced in half a creature flying toward him at great speed. Before he could get a good look at it, another had launched itself at Sangcan, landing heavily on his shoulder and biting down on his neck. Without losing a moment, Lan Xichen dispatched that creature as well. He shivered in disgust when he realised the things attacking them with time were huge flies, nearly as large as cats.

That certainly explained why Sangcan had seemed so terrified when he’d explained the flies in Xinglu Ridge were carnivores.

Still, no matter the size, no matter the diet, those fifty or so flies that attacked them just couldn’t measure up to two martial gods and a ghost king. In fact, they were weak enough that even Jin Guangyao managed to take down a few of them without trouble. Aside from Sangcan, no one at all was hurt.

But of course it was concerning that the weakest member of their group was the one who suffered the most once again. Lan Xichen felt again that Sangcan had to have been targeted, and he decided it would not happen again. He had promised the ghost that he would be protected, and he intended to keep his word.

For now though, Sangcan’s wound had to be looked at. Lan Xichen was the closest one to him, but the pot of balm he’d brought had been almost entirely depleted earlier, so Lan Wangji came to offer his own.

“It hurts so bad!” Sangcan wailed while Lan Xichen applied some balm on the ugly bite. “Ow! My lord, please be more gentle! Ah, it hurts so bad, it’s awful! Ow, Ow!”

Lan Xichen, already as gentle as he could be, half smiled at those complaints and continued working, trying to make his movements lighter still. Lan Wangji looked at the proceedings, with a bored expression. It surprised Lan Xichen at first that his brother wasn’t with that husband of his, but a glance to the side informed him that Wei Wuxian was currently studying the giant flies' insides, something that would definitely upset Lan Wangji’s sensibilities.

“There is a mark,” Lan Wangji suddenly said, coming closer.

Lan Xichen didn’t understand at first, until his brother pointed at Sangcan’s throat. It was very faint, but there was a thin, clean white line going all around the ghost’s neck. Without thinking Lan Xichen brushed his thumb against that mark. Sangcan shivered and let out a low moan, one that sounded far more sincere than all of his earlier whining.

“You were beheaded?” Lan Wangji asked.

Sangcan, so vocal a moment ago, fell silent and looked down at his feet. In this case, the absence of an answer was an answer of its own. Lan Xichen and Lan Wangji exchanged a glance.

“Were you executed?” Lan Xichen asked.

Although he didn’t manage to speak, Sangcan was able to shake his head.

“Murdered then?” Lan Xichen insisted.

Sangcan didn’t react in any way, and Lan Xichen again looked at his brother. The mark was very clean, meaning there had been only one blow, from a very sharp weapon. Being both martial gods, they knew beheading were rarely so clean, especially among mortals. It took a very strong blade to cut through bone and muscles that way. 

Formal executions were rarely performed in a single blow, unless the executioner was particularly skilled. In the course of war, beheading just wasn’t a very efficient move when there were quicker ways to kill a person, so Lan Xichen hadn’t even bothered asking about that possibility.

The last possibility then was murder, and even more than the other two, it would justify a soul turning into a ghost. Sangcan was, by the look of it, a bit of a fool and a coward, but even he might have been enraged after being murdered.

Wei Wuxian, still poking at the corpse of a giant fly nearby, spoke up. 

"Maybe he sold the secret of his murder so he could be avenged," he suggested. "Is that what you wanted? Revenge?" 

Sangcan appeared conflicted. He didn't say anything, which hinted Wei Wuxian wasn't wrong, but he also pinched his lips and crossed his arms, as if the conclusion that had been reached didn't please him. 

"Let's drop this matter," Sangcan grumbled at last, finding his voice again. "My lords, I think it's time to leave the road. It's more dangerous from this point on. If you get lost… well, it's bad. Some people say the Magpie King turned this place in a maze so twisted even he could get trapped!" 

"Is that so?" Wei Wuxian sneered, abandoning his study of the giant fly. "Sounds like he's not so smart as people say then." 

"If he were, would he need to hire others to take care of his business?" Sangcan retorted. "I'm just saying, some people have a great reputation, but if you dig a little then you find it's all shit under the surface. I mean, it's like that among ghosts for sure. And among gods?" 

He asked that question to Jin Guangyao who appeared startled. 

"You're one of those paperwork gods, right?" Sangcan insisted. "I've seen your temples once or twice. And paperwork gods, well, they're just like the Magpie King but on the other side of things, right? So I bet you know plenty of secrets too, and you'd be the right person to know if all heavenly reputations are deserved!"

Lan Xichen looked at his husband in concern, only to find Jin Guangyao smiling his most empty smile. 

Aside from his normal duties of answering his followers' prayers, Jin Guangyao had risen to a certain fame in the heavenly court as a spymaster of sorts. He was the one in charge of keeping track of gossip, checking if there was any truth to them, and making sure the Jade Emperor knew what he needed to know. As far as jobs went it wasn't a very respectable one, and Jin Guangyao wasn't quite sure how he'd ended up in that position in the first place. In fact he'd asked a few times to be relieved of his duties, especially since Nie Mingjue disapproved of such things, but the emperor had kept him where he was. After all, his efficiency couldn't be denied. 

Still the comparison to the Magpie King had to hit a little too close to home, even if Sangcan couldn't have known that. 

"There will always be people who aren't what they seem," Jin Guangyao said at last, his voice hitting that specific tone he only used when upset. "But in the heavenly court, such things are rare. Secrets never last very long, and anyone who tries to cheat their way up will be caught and put in their place."

Wei Wuxian snickered upon hearing this, but Jin Guangyao paid him no mind. They were all getting used to him finding amusement in things that weren't funny in the least. As for Sangcan, he nodded eagerly. 

"You're right my lord, you've got to be right! Justice must prevail, and secrets must be uncovered!" 

Just like this, the sad mood that had come from discussing his manner of death was lifted, and Sangcan returned to normal. He insisted again on the need to leave the road behind, and took them into the forest where they all followed closely, heeding his warnings about getting lost. 

"He's really quite the character, that guide of ours," Jin Guangyao remarked to his husband, careful to keep his voice low. 

"I think he likes you. You might have gained another follower, A-Yao." 

"I prefer my followers smarter than that. Though enthusiasm has its merits as well, I suppose."

"He seems a decent enough person," Lan Xichen protested. "He has good taste in men, surely a point in his favour." 

Jin Guangyao wrinkled his nose. "If you must betray me, please at least do it with someone prettier."

A little ahead of them, a branch creaked, the sound resonating in the quiet of the night. Sangcan, who had stepped on it, nearly lost his balance out of surprise. He turned around and glared at the others, especially at Lan Xichen.

"My lords, please don't talk too much," Sangcan asked in a stern tone. "It is not safe here. Even if they don't attack, the King's little friends hear everything."

Lan Xichen flushed, wondering if Sangcan had heard the details of their banter. He didn't look upset, but his steps were less light than before. In fact, up until then, Sangcan hadn't made any sound while walking, and though he was still less noisy than the rest of them, that there was noise at all showed some temper on his part. Lan Xichen worried his husband and him might have accidentally antagonised their guide just when they needed him the most. 

After a while though, Sangcan appeared to regain control of himself. His steps turned light and silent once more, making it a little hard to follow him in the darkness of the forest. It hadn’t been a problem on the road, but now Lan Xichen was truly concerned about losing sight of the ghost. To avoid that, he abandoned Jin Guangyao and caught up to Sangcan, silently walking by his side. No matter how well trained he was in martial arts, Lan Xichen couldn’t make himself entirely silent the way Sangcan seemed capable of, so even without seeing anything the other three would still be able to follow them. Sangcan didn't appear to mind his proximity, but didn't particularly acknowledge him either.

They walked for many hours, until the sky above them started turning lighter with the first hints of a dawn soon to come. Once or twice, Sangcan stopped in his tracks, motioning for them to be silent, and they heard loud buzzing noises passing by. More giant insects by the sound of it. Even though they weren’t attacked again, Sangcan seemed more and more worried as time passed, as if fearing the confrontation with his master now that they were getting closer. Lan Xichen wanted to comfort him again, and to remind him that they wouldn’t let any harm come to him if they could help it, but since Sangcan had ordered silence, he obeyed. He could not take the risk of ruining their rescue of Nie Mingjue.

At last, the sun rose, colouring the forest around them. Although it must have been a beautiful place, especially bathed this way in golden light, Lan Xichen only felt growing anxiety at this proof that too much time had passed without them seeing any trace of Nie Mingjue. If he had been captured, or worse…

Just as he thought this, Lan Xichen tensed and glanced at his brother, only to find Lan Wangji also looking at him. Without a word, they both stepped closer to their husband, Lan Xichen dragging Sangcan as well behind him before unsheathing his sword. Lan Wangji did the same, waiting for something to come. 

At first it was nothing but a presence, the vague sensation of something dark and powerful coming their way. Then, somewhere above the canopy, a faint fluttering of wings. Wei Wuxian appeared more intrigued than anything, but Jin Gyangyao nervously took out his fan and prepared to defend himself if need be.

The flapping sound came closer. Catching a glimpse of dark wings, Jin Guangyao moved to attack and send a powerful gust of wind against whatever was above them. Before he could though, Sangcan cried out loudly, giving the things a warning, and grabbed both of Jin Guangyao’s wrist with great strength. Jin Guangyao, startled, made a wrong movement and his fan was pushed against the edge of Lan Xichen’s sword, splitting it in two.

“What have you done?” Jin Guangyao hissed. “That was a present from da-ge, he’ll be furious!”

“Don’t you dare hurt them!” Sangcan snarled in response, rushing forward to meet a pair of birds, offering them his arms to land on.

“Aren’t they going to report to the Magpie King?” Jin Guangyao asked. Sangcan didn’t grace him with an answer. All his attention was on that pair of magpies who had hopped on his shoulders to play with his hair, while he scratched their necks.

“Hello, hello, I missed you too,” Sangcan cooed to the birds, his voice soft and warm. “Are you fine? Do you have enough to eat? Good, I’m glad. Do you bring news?”

The pair of birds started cackling excitedly at him, appearing to speak over one another. A few times they let out more strident sounds, while Sangcan nodded seriously to all of it.

“Good boys, good boys, let me see if I have something for you,” the ghost said when they were done, digging into his sleeve until he found a small pouch. From there he took a handful of various bugs, some of which seemed alive. The pair of birds eagerly ate from his hand, while Sangcan smiled tenderly at them.

Lan Xichen stared.

Something about this felt familiar. It was something he hadn’t thought of in many years, because he’d been too busy, because he hadn’t wanted to think about it, but his friend A-Sang used to love birds. He’d feed wild ones until they became used to him, and had an entire aviary even though his family didn’t approve. He often handfed them, no matter the diet, just because he wanted to take care of his little friends.

He always looked so happy with them, enough so that Lan Xichen would joke about being jealous. He could nearly remember A-Sang’s delighted face, could almost recall his smile that shone like the sun, the same way Sangcan’s did as he fed those magpies, and for a second Lan Xichen wondered…

But it was impossible. A-Sang had been young when he’d died, not quite twenty, and he’d been a very handsome man, even if Lan Xichen could hardly remember his exact features after so long. There was no way that Sangcan, plain and middle aged, could be the same person. A more powerful ghost might have managed to change shape, but Sangcan was a very weak one, barely strong enough to have a physical shape at all.

The only reason Lan Xichen could find any resemblance between the two was because Sangcan had been on his mind since his visit to the Burial Mounds. It annoyed him mildly, especially since Jin Guangyao was right there.

Wanting to distract himself from unnecessary nostalgia, Lan Xichen walked closer to Sangcan and his birds.

“Those are beautiful,” he said. “Are you their handler then?”

Sangcan jumped slightly at being approached, to which the birds complained. He threw Lan Xichen a suspicious side look before nodding slowly.

“They're my little ones,” he confirmed. “I haven’t seen them since being sent to guard the entrance, and they were missing me. So they escaped, and brought me news as a gift. That martial god, the one who broke in yesterday, your rude friend… He’s made it to the Unclean Realm. That’s the Magpie King’s palace,” Sangcan added as an explanation.

“Your boss sucks at names,” Wei Wuxian said, joining them. “Who’d want to live in a place like that?”

Sangcan shrugged slightly, careful not to jolt his little feathery friends around.

“I don’t know. I really don’t know! I’m not close to him, am I? I’ve heard some people say it’s just the old name of a place where he used to live, but I don’t know. Even we don’t know much about him, and we work for him. Maybe he just thought it was funny. Hey, do you know why it’s called that?” Sangcan asked one of the birds, which cackled in answer. Whatever it said, Sangcan didn't find it worth translating.

Lan Xichen had to close his eyes for a second. He felt a little faint because that name was…

Just as A-Sang had loved birds, he’d had a taste for history as well. He liked to read about it, curious as a cat on topics he enjoyed, and loved sharing what he learned with those few people close to him. And so Lan Xichen could just remember A-Sang explaining one day that once upon a time, the place he lived in used to be called the Unclean Realm, though the name had fallen in disuse over time. It had so pleased him to have discovered this useless little bit of trivia, and so Lan Xichen too had been happy, as he so often was in his company.

But A-Sang couldn’t be the Magpie King. The idea was even more ridiculous than being Sangcan. A-Sang had been sweet and innocent, a little mischievous certainly but never cruel the way the Magpie King could be, and certainly not resentful enough to turn into a ghost king. It would have taken more than a murder, however randomly violent, to turn such a lovely young man into a creature like the Magpie King, so Lan Xichen refused to even consider it. He just had A-Sang on his mind too much, and it was getting ridiculous.

Wanting to distract himself, yet also still plagued by memories of a boy long dead, Lan Xichen thoughtlessly tried to pet the birds, remembering how A-Sang always encouraged him to do so with his own pets.

The tip of Lan Xichen's fingers barely brushed against those feathers, yet it was enough to make him flinch away. The dark presence Lan Xichen had felt earlier had truly come from those birds, and it turned out they were so steeped in resentful energy it could harm even a god. From where they stood Lan Wangji and Jin Guangyao couldn't see it happen, but Wei Wuxian noticed, as did Sangcan who chuckled uncomfortably while scratching under the bird's chin. 

"Did that lord scare you, my friend?" he asked the bird, getting a grumpy sounding high sound in return. Sangcan turned to Lan Xichen with an apologetic smile. "My lord, please don't be mad at them! But of course, those aren't ordinary birds. They are the Magpie King's oldest allies, you know. Even before he became a ghost king, these two were with him, so you'll understand they are picky with who can touch them."

As if agreeing, the two magpies cackled in unison and threw Lan Xichen a disdainful glare. 

"Well, it's time for you to leave anyway," Sangcan told the birds. "We don't want your absence to be noticed, eh? I'll see you later maybe, if this doesn’t kill me. Go on! Shoo!" he ordered the unimpressed birds. "Ah, I'm always saying you're such good boys, and now you're making me lie!"

Since he sounded so miserable, the magpies pecked a last time at his hair and took flight. They all watched them go, all feeling different emotions about that encounter.

“Should we be letting them go this easily?” Jin Guangyao asked. “Aren’t you worried they might reveal our presence to their king?”

“Oh, no, they like me too much to betray me,” Sangcan proudly replied. “I always sneak them treats, so they’re good boys to me.”

“Boys… so they’re not a bonded pair?” Jin Guangyao asked, still staring in the direction where the birds had disappeared.

“Birds can have the same tastes as humans, my lord,” Sangcan informed him. “There’s some males that won’t ever touch a female. Aren’t all of you lords like that as well, all married to one anothers and the like? But anyway… you’re right actually, they’re not a bonded pair. They’re brothers, as it happens, which is even neater than just mates, isn’t it?”

Jin Guangyao looked unimpressed by that reveal, while the Lan brothers both nodded in agreement. As for Wei Wuxian, some complicated emotions flashed on his face, as if the topic of siblings were an unpleasant one for him.

“Can’t imagine being stuck with a relative of mine for centuries and having to work with him,” Wei Wuxian muttered, before grinning at his husband. “No offence, Lan Zhan. At least, your brother seems easy to get along with. More than I could have said of…” He stopped with a sigh, and turned again to Sangcan. “And do you have relatives? Hm? A brother of your own, perhaps?”

Sangcan didn’t reply, his lips pinched tight. He stared at Wei Wuxian with surprising intensity, as if trying to figure out something about the ghost king. Whether he found what he was looking for or not, Sangcan suddenly started walking again.

“Let’s go, my lords,” he ordered. “Your friend might need help if he’s reached the Unclean Realm. It’s not a good place, not in the least, so let’s not lose any more time, hm? Not that it’s very far by now...”

Because his steps were making noise again, Lan Xichen guessed that either the question about his family or the encounter with those magpies had gotten Sangcan upset again. At some other time he might have asked, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that ultimately, it was nothing to be concerned about. He couldn’t have explained it. Lan Xichen just knew that Sangcan had no malicious intentions, that he just wanted to do what he’d promised, get his curse lifted, and then just go on with his non-life in peace. It made little sense, but Lan Xichen had been alive long enough that he felt he’d gotten at least somewhat good at guessing if people were dangerous or not.

Sangcan was no threat to himself, just as Wei Wuxian, however odd and possibly dangerous to others, just didn’t strike him as a person who would ever purposefully try to harm Lan Wangji.

So Lan Xichen left Sangcan to his emotions, and tried to calm his own unquiet heart. If Nie Mingjue had already arrived to that Unclean Realm, if he had already confronted the Magpie King… there was a very real chance that things would go badly. In fact, it was almost certain at that point that they wouldn’t be able to avoid a fight.

Lan Xichen couldn’t refrain a sigh. It was exactly what he didn’t want to see happen. Still, he hoped that the Magpie King, like Wei Wuxian, wasn’t all that his reputation made him to be, that there would be a way to negotiate with him.

While Lan Xichen mused on every option that might be available to them, the Unclean Realm appeared before them quite suddenly. 

One moment they were walking in the dense forest covering Xinglu Ridge, the next they were in a vast clearing in the middle of which stood an ancient looking home, which had the air of an antique temple reconverted into a habitation. Lan Xichen gasped as he recognised it, while Jin Guangyao let out a weak cry of fear and grabbed his husband’s hand so tight it Lan Xichen thought he might break a bone.

“Is something wrong?” Wei Wuxian asked.

Lan Xichen silently nodded, staring at that building he’d never thought he’d see again. Next to him, Jin Guangyao was trying to pull him away from the Unclean Realm, growing more obviously worried with each passing moment. Not without reason, of course. Last time Jin Guangyao had been in there, he’d become the sole survivor of a terrible slaughter, an event so traumatic he refused to talk about it to that day. Because this place was…

“This is Nie Mingjue’s house when he was mortal,” Lan Xichen whispered. “And it was destroyed centuries ago.”

[theres-an-impulstor-among-us]

Brain spiked, and I have an idea. An idea for a sequel to the Powerful Soul fic. Oh boy here we go :)

Pungence decides to tell someone about his.. experience. Most likely Bdubs. They, obviously, don’t believe him. The next round, he notices Zedaph eyeing Bdubs and Beans. He takes it upon himself to save them from whatever Zed is planning by protecting him all game. Long story short, he fails. Miserably. Bdubs and Beans join the traumatized club. :D

*vibrates with excitement* MORE HACKER ZED YESSSSS

(also this got way deeper than I thought it would lol)

If you haven’t read the first part, go do that now!

…

  It’s been several rounds since the… incident, and Pungence still can’t look at Zedaph without feeling a chill run down his spine. He can still vividly recall the agony of having Zedaph rip through his code like it’s made of paper, the terrifyingly calm look on Zedaph’s face, the way his eyes bored into Pungence’s soul. Every time he sees Zedaph now, he quickly has to make sure he doesn’t end up alone with him. He doesn’t know if Zedaph remembers the experience as well as Pungence does but he certainly doesn’t want to risk anything.

  Finally, Pungence can’t take it anymore. 

  Before the next round starts, as everyone is chatting in the lobby, Pungence grabs Bdubs’s hand and pulls him away from the others. 

  “Pungey, what are you doing?” Bdubs asks confusedly. “Are you okay?”

  “No, I’m going crazy!” Pungence whispers back. “Do you remember a round a while ago that just ended abruptly without you voting anyone off?”

  Bdubs frowns, thinking hard. “Um… which round?”

  “If you have to ask, then you don’t remember.” Pungence sighs. “Look, I know this is gonna sound weird, but that Zedaph guy is… he’s… magical.”

  Bdubs stares at his brother. “Magical?”

  “I don’t know how else to describe it. Listen, I was imposter a few rounds ago and I killed him in navigation. Next thing I know, he’s confronting me as a ghost in medbay and he… he…” Pungence hesitates, unsure of how to describe his experience. “He tried to possess me. I don’t know what he did exactly but it… it was absolute agony. Dude, he stuck his hand through my chest and I felt like I was gonna die, that’s how bad it was. He managed to stop me from getting teleported to the meeting and when he somehow killed me, the whole round ended immediately and I-.”

  “Okay, whoa, whoa, whoa.” Bdubs places his hands on Pungence’s shoulders, stopping him from speaking. “Take a breath, Pungey. Are you sure that wasn’t a nightmare of some kind? Cuz I don’t remember any of that.”

  “That’s something else I’m really worried about,” admits Pungence. “The fact that nobody except me seems to remember it. I don’t even know if Zedaph himself remembers.”

  “Have you asked him?” Bdubs asks.

  Pungence shoots his brother an unamused look. “Yeah, I went up to him and said, “Hey, do you remember being a ghost and thoroughly traumatising then viciously murdering me after I killed you as imposter in a round that may or may not have existed or am I just going crazy?” He confessed immediately.” 

  Bdubs rolls his eyes. “Sarcasm duly noted. Now are you REALLY sure it wasn’t a weird nightmare?”

  “Do you think I’m lying?” Pungence demands.

  “No, I don’t think you’re lying. Just… mistaken, maybe. Mistaking a dream for reality.” 

  “I’m not-!”

  “Guys, we’re getting ready to start,” Grian calls just then. 

  “Coming,” Bdubs calls back, before turning back to his brother. “Look, don’t worry about it. If it WAS real, nothing’s happened since then, right?”

  “Only because Zedaph hasn’t been murdered first since that round,” Pungence insists. “Seriously, please, listen to me. If you get imposter, DO NOT kill Zedaph, especially not first. It’s not worth it, man.”

  Bdubs just brushes his brother off. “Don’t worry so much. Everything that happens in this game is for fun, remember?”

  Pungence mutters to himself as the game starts. “Uh huh, yeah, a fun game about murder. All fun. So much fun.”

  Half to his relief, Pungence is assigned to be crewmate this round. He glances over at Bdubs, then Zedaph, but there seems to be nothing unusual about them. 

  He decides to do his tasks as quickly as possible so he can keep an eye on his brother for the rest of the game. 

  Meanwhile, Zedaph decides to do his scan first, so he heads straight for medbay. He finds Grian already in there, depositing the sample.

  As Zedaph hops onto the scanner, he spots Bdubs and Beans coming into the room. The door slides shut behind them, and Zedaph immediately knows what’s about to happen. 

  Sure enough, Bdubs swiftly kills Grian right at the sample station, a split second before Beans shoots Zedaph off the scanner. 

  Fighting through disorientation and nausea, Zedaph immediately shoots up as a ghost and catches the doors as they slide open, pushing them closed again without touching them. 

  Bdubs and Beans, who were just about to leave, turn and stare at Zedaph in surprise. “Wait, how are you doing that?” Beans gasps. 

  Bdubs wordlessly dashes for the vent but Zedaph waves his hand towards it and it locks. Spooked, Bdubs backs up to join Beans by the wall opposite the sample station.

  “How are you doing all this?” Beans demands. “You’re dead.”

  “And you two are the imposters,” replies Zedaph calmly, before glancing at Grian, who is standing frozen by the sample dispenser, eyes fixed on him. “Grian, go do your tasks. I’ll handle this.” 

  After a moment, Grian nods and disappears through the wall. 

  “Handle what?” snaps Bdubs. “What are you gonna do?”

  “What I always do when I die first: experimentation.”

  Bdubs’s eyes widen and he presses himself against the wall, as if trying to phase backwards through it like Grian did. “P-Pungence was right! You DID do something weird to him a few rounds ago!”

  “Oh, he remembers that?” Zedaph frowns. “That’s not meant to happen.”

  “What?!” yelps Beans. “You’ve done this before?”

  “I’m still figuring out my abilities. Being killed first gives me enough time to do some experiments. I’ve never done it on two imposters at once before, but hey, this should be interesting.”

  He reaches towards Beans and Bdubs, who are suddenly gripped by an invisible force. They struggle in a panic, Bdubs more so because he remembers Pungence’s description of what he went through last time. 

  Suddenly, the doors creak open a crack and a figure appears, managing to tumble through the door before it closes behind him. He scrambles to his feet and rushes towards Zedaph. “Stop! Stop it!”

  Zedaph holds out his hand and grips Pungence in the same invisible force. “You remember what I did to you a few rounds ago?”

  “Y-Yes, and I don’t want you to do it again! I’m sorry you got killed but I don’t want you to put my brother and Beans through what you did to me.” Pungence gazes at Zedaph with pleading eyes. “Please, Zedaph. You don’t have to do it. There’s no reason for it.” 

  “Pungence, these two are imposters,” Zedaph says, confused as to why the crewmate is getting in his way. “They killed me.”

  “It’s just a game, though! They’re not actually hurting anyone! But you, you’re… You really hurt me. And you’re about to really hurt them too.”

  Zedaph stares at him with a mixed expression for a few seconds, before glancing back at Bdubs and Beans, who are clearly still terrified. 

  “You’re right,” he says slowly. “It’s just a game. I shouldn’t be hurting people.”

  Pungence dares to breathe a quiet sigh of relief. “Yes.”

  “Then all I have to do is make sure I don’t hurt them.”

  “Wh-Wha-?”

  Zedaph drops Pungence on the ground and reaches back towards the two imposters, phasing his left hand through Beans’s forehead and his right through Bdubs’s. 

  Both of them scream, causing Pungence to flinch. 

  “Okay, this doesn’t seem to be working,” says Zedaph, retracting his hands. He frowns in thought. “It seems I need more practise with these weird ghostly abilities. Next time, I think I’ll try to possess an imposter and see what happens.”

  “Next time?!” Pungence yelps. “No, there can’t BE a next time! Zedaph, you’re hurting people! You need to stop and just let us play the game!”

  “I don’t WANT to hurt people!” Zedaph’s composure falls away for the first time. “I’m not trying to hurt anyone! All I want is to understand. When you were imposter, I felt overwhelming rage and hatred in you. But if this is just a game, why were you feeling such a strong desire to kill?”

  Pungence hesitates. “I… I don’t know…”

  “Exactly. There seems to be more to this “game” than meets the eye, and since I seem to be the only one who is able to access the code, it’s up to me to work it out.” Zedaph glances from Pungence to the two imposters, then back to Pungence. “I’m sorry for hurting you. I’ll make it so that you won’t remember this experience next round.” 

  Before anyone can respond, the room is engulfed in a white light, enveloping everyone inside. 

…

  “Pungey? Hey, wake up. Snap out of it.”

  Pungence opens his eyes to find Bdubs and Beans standing in front of him, the metallic interior of the lobby visible behind them. “Hey. You alright?”

  “I think so.” Pungence frowns. “What just happened?”

  “Dunno,” says Beans. “Grian thinks the game glitched or something; it just kicked us back out to the lobby. He’s having a look at the settings to see if something’s wrong before we go back in.”

  Pungence pauses, glancing around the room. He can’t remember anything from last round, except an uneasy feeling deep in the pit of his stomach. 

  “Were either of you the imposter that round?” he asks.

  Bdubs shakes his head. “Don’t think so. Honestly, I don’t remember.” 

  “Me neither,” Beans says.

  Pungence’s eyes land on Zedaph and their gazes meet momentarily. The uneasiness in Pungence’s stomach grows. 

  “Does something seem wrong to you?” 

  Bdubs glances at his brother with a concerned frown. “No. Why? Hey, are you sure you’re alright? You’ve gone pale.” 

  He follows Pungence’s gaze and blinks at the sight of Zedaph standing across the lobby with Tango, Impulse, and Skizzleman. His eyes flicker to Beans, then back again. Now, he too can feel the discomfort between them, a palpable tension that can’t quite be explained. As if the four of them have shared a harrowing experience that they can’t quite remember. 

  Across the lobby, Zedaph can sense that Pungence, Bdubs, and Beans are agitated at the sight of him. He glances away after a moment, trying to concentrate on the conversation the rest of Team ZITS are having next to him. But he can’t. Something keeps drawing him back to the fact that no matter how hard he tries, he doesn’t seem to be able to completely erase the experimentation experience from his victims’ minds. He doesn’t like hurting people, physically or mentally. It’s troubling to him that he can seemingly not control certain aspects of his powers.

  But he can’t stop the experiments now, no matter how much worse things get. 

  Not if he wants to figure out the true secret buried deep in the game that calls itself Among Us.

[aspire-to-the-light]

A quick life update:

So I'm a super-early-stage startup founder now or something, I guess.

I'm regularly working until 6am, I'm throwing my life savings at a huge career risk, I have no safety net if I fail, and there's a very solid chance my startup won't make it because statistically most don't. Yet somehow none of that matters.

These past few weeks have been the most relaxed, confident and fulfilled I've ever felt, ever. Somehow this is the best my mental health has been in years - by a mile. I feel confident in saying I've beaten depression and I don't think it will come back.

I don't struggle with anxiety anymore because there's no point in feeling anxious; rather than wallowing around being anxious I should just fix the problem that's causing me anxiety. Of course, it's easy to say that, but in the past I've never been able to just do it. I think the difference is that I feel totally in control of my outcomes now. I'll get anxious about writing a report for a boss because it doesn't matter how objectively good or correct the report is - I have to figure out how to please my boss' subjective standards, and I can never really 100% know how to do that. Running a startup? I just have to be correct. I just have to win. I don't have to please any boss. So I don't really sit around being anxious or miserable any more - I just figure out what winning would look like, because I get to define that now, and then I figure out how to win, and then I go try my best to do that. I know it's irrational to have a feeling of absolute control over the outcome, when startups involve a huge amount of luck - but I just feel like I'm in control. So it isn't scary, really, no matter how risky it is.

I'm not really struggling with executive function, either, because I understand exactly how all my tasks need to be executed. There's never that feeling of knowing that I need to write my English essay, but not really knowing how to get started or what the first steps should be. I defined every task on my todo list. I know what the steps are, because the steps are whatever I say they are. I don't always get everything done, because I'm juggling a huge amount and I'm still pretty disorganised, but that ADHD paralysed feeling of just wanting to sit there and scroll social media and not start any tasks - that feeling is gone. Working until 6am doesn't feel painful or difficult. It feels satisfyingly exhausting, like the endorphin high after a good exercise session.

I keep encountering things that feel like they might be really difficult, but then I get this immensely comforting sense of... the best way I can describe it is that scene in Moana where all her ancestors are right behind her. Like recently I had to make a very big scary decision, and I wanted to find an adult and ask for advice and then I realised (in a big holy shit moment) that I knew absolutely nobody qualified to tell me the answer. I am the adult now. Everyone else who works on this project needed me to tell them what to do. And that was almost terrifying... and then I realised I've read about this exact feeling. I've read people describe that feeling in books, at TED talks, on twitter - that "holy shit I am the adult" feeling is probably a universal startup founder feeling. Thinking about it now, I just get this sense that I'm walking down a road I know from stories, that others have walked before me, that I am incredibly lucky to have a roadmap to.

There are so many new challenges and they're exciting. I've never really interviewed people for roles before. I interviewed candidates for 6 different roles for most of last week. In the back of the mind I've been running this constant self-evaluation process trying to figure out what the key skills are for interviewing, how I should get better at it, where I could look for resources... And that's a good feeling, too. I feel like I'm learning. I feel so excited to get better at this. I am privileged to be able to choose people to surround myself with who will give me clear, valuable feedback so I can actually get stronger. I feel ready to tackle whatever new skill I need to learn next week.

I am only a few weeks or months in, depending on how you define it, but I already know I will not regret this. Even if I burn out my entire runway and get nowhere and achieve nothing with this startup, this will have been the best thing I've ever done for myself. This enables me to be my best self. This feels so much like my best self that I take joy and pride in almost everything I'm doing, even the mistakes I'm making because I absolutely treasure how much I'm actually learning from every mistake. I never learned this much in years in school.

I don't think this would have been possible without me getting care. I'm disabled and sometimes I struggle with feeding myself. I used to go entire days just lying in bed feeling too weak and hungry to even make myself a meal. I have a carer currently, who comes round for an hour or so in the mornings to make sure I eat breakfast. It turns out that was all I needed all along - I can make myself all the other meals so long as I've got that energy from consistently eating at least one meal. And that revolutionised everything about my life and I've gone from being unable to hold down a job at all, realistically unable work more than a couple hours in the day if I was lucky, to.... this. I don't know how much is the startup vs how much is the care, really, but I reckon that's worth sharing in case it helps break the stereotypes of disabled people who need care. I'm disabled, I need care, and I'm also founding a startup and working sixteen hour days. I could not work these hours on anything else. My last job was an incredibly good job by the standards of working-for-a-boss jobs, but I can't work a 9-5. I have a sleep disorder. I can work a noon-6am and I'm doing it and I am the happiest I have ever been.

I did not think it was possible for an obligate extravert to be this happy and fulfilled in the midst of a pandemic that prevents me seeing anyone for months. Mental health is a weird thing, I guess. What I thought I needed - parties, hugs, money, security - turned out not to be as important. I need breakfast and I need to be in charge of my own destiny. And it turns out that if I have those things, I have the capacity to be incredibly happy. Not that I'm just sitting around feeling wirehead joy all the time, but more like - I feel excited, fulfilled, engaged, fascinated, motivated, confident, decisive, inspired. I might not feel good all the time but I never feel hopeless, helpless, angsty, directionless or meaningless. I'm never bored. I feel bad things sometimes but I don't get into spirals or traps where I just sit around wallowing in the bad things, because I feel empowered to act.

I keep talking to people who think I'm decades older than I am. Apparently I sound it. I feel like I've aged a decade in a year.

The best part is the certainty. It feels like I was meant to do this. It feels like all the foundations I've been laying for years and years are paying off. It feels like I always sort of knew I had to do this.

I'm not sure why I'm writing all this out, except to say something like - I don't think everyone should follow their dreams because I really don't think everyone would experience things this way, but if you're anything like me (and I don't know how to define "like me" yet but people have been telling me that I was meant to found a startup since I was a little kid), you should consider quitting your job (no matter how good and secure a job it is) and trying to take over the world.

I have found so much joy.

So yeah, that's my life update.

[cheese-ception]

Icy Shell

Darlings,  kindly forgive the initial angst - I promise the fluff that follows in the second half makes up for it tenfold.

Beta-tested on my dear @masamune-archive​ Tagging @tsubaki3192​ and @spanish-aguacate​, because I can and because it’s Levi time, you two, woo! Please, enjoy ♡ pairing: Leviathan (Obey Me!) x reader warnings: angst (to fluff) word count: 2004

Nothing seemed to make sense anymore and it wasn't fair. Leviathan's trembling fingers ran through his hair, still damp from the the shower he took earlier, purple strands glistening with stray droplets of water. Hours have passed him by as he struggled to pull himself together, pacing through his room anxiously, an agonized scowl twisting his features.

His eyes were glossed over, dark circles underneath them matching the shadows in his mind. He cursed profusely, tripping over one of the countless boxes littering the floor. Tears streamed down his cheeks, their wet trails almost painful in their descent, stinging his skin with merciless salt. He did not even bother to wipe them away, the last fragments of his focus set on a completely different kind of torment.

He picked up one of the boxes, tracing its edges with his chilled fingers, only to put it away again, carefully but without any real care at the same time.

The world was utterly joyless, a mere replica of what it used to be before the two of them met.

Before she filled his heart with all these strange feelings, causing him to become apathetic to the very things that used to keep him going.

Now none of them really mattered, regardless of how hard he tried.

Each time he ordered new merch, he lost interest before it even arrived.

Whatever game he played failed to entertain him.

Any show would have been better if she was there to watch it with him, leaving him feeling even more lonely and miserable.

He used to look forward to escaping social gatherings, to being alone in his room, able to enjoy the peace and quiet, far from the noise and the judgemental stares of all the normies he was forced to keep in touch with.

But not anymore.

Nothing made sense and it was all her fault.

Or was it, really? How many times had she asked to hang out together? How many times had she smiled at him, eyes sparkling with excitement, lips shiny with her cherry chapstick, upturned in the most endearing of smiles?

A smile that made him feel like his heart would cease beating if he didn't stop looking, so dazzling and brilliant that it made my shy away almost instantly.

He struggled hard not to give that feeling a name, afraid that if he did, the spell would break and she would finally realise he didn't deserve any of it, that she was better off sharing it with someone else, someone more worthy. He slid to the floor, hugging his knees tight to his chest, the war within him so intense that it easily put the whole celestial debacle to shame. Or at least that's certainly how it felt while his nails pierced his skin, setting themselves deep into the flesh of his forearms, crimson staining his white sleeves.

Days turned into weeks and he refused to leave his room, opening the door only when Asmodeus brought him food.

Sometimes not even then, leaving it grow cold at the doorstep, letting hunger gnaw at his insides in a desperate attempt to distract him from the void food couldn't fill.

It was better this way.

If he stayed away long enough, these feelings would eventually disappear. Surely he wouldn't suffer forever and she probably didn't even notice.

He was a nobody after all.

Nobody to be missed. He curled into himself in his tub, cradling a pillow to his chest and closed his eyes, ready to let the world disappear behind his weary eyelids and drift away to another restless sleep.

But even that wasn't meant to be as a soft knock sounded against the door, disturbing his attempt at disconnecting from reality.

“Go away, Asmo, I am not hungry!” he snarled, tossing around in a fruitless attempt at getting comfortable again.

He was met with silence, interrupted only by the soft click of the lock as the door opened slowly. Light spilling inside in harsh rays, Leviathan groaned, diving underneath the blanket where he sat still, pulling it over his head like a make-shift hoodie.

The floor creaked and he blinked fast, desperately trying to adjust his sight to the unwelcome luminosity but then the door closed again, shrouding everything in blissful darkness.

He sighed, relief spreading through him until he realised that his visitor didn't actually leave. Either that, or his nightmares came true and he was finally going crazy.

After all, he couldn't very well distinguish dreams from reality at this point and maybe he was just dreaming.

Why else would she be in there after all? “Levi?” a voice rang and his throat tightened, emotions flooding into him, threatening to suffocate him on the very spot.

He peered from underneath his blanket, trying to establish if it was really happening, not trusting his own voice enough to reply just yet.

“Are you okay?” Another sentence cut through the air, straight into his heart as he finally realised she was really there.

Her tone was filled with worry and he forced out a quiet hum, unsure just how to verbalize a proper response. “You have been away for a while, so I came here to check on you. I hope you do not mind too much. I know you probably did not want to see me, but I had to make sure you were alright,” she muttered, her voice barely above a whisper, trailing off into an awkward silence. He didn't know what to say. There was so much he wished he had the courage to tell her but words failed to form and he opened his mouth to speak several times, only to close it again right after.

He felt something warm touch his arm and he shivered, torn between flinching away and remaining as he was, letting the warmth seep into his gelid body, devoid of any of his own heat within. It was like being kissed by the sun after a long winter and he decided to stay still, letting some of the frost that settled on him dissolve, even if only for a moment.

Daring to look up, he searched her face, pale in the dim light of Henry's fish tank, wearing an expression so sincere it made his grip on the blanket tighten, moved by the intensity of the moment as the realisation hit him.

She really cared. For him, out of all the beings in the three realms combined.

She chose to seek him when he wanted to make it easy on her.

When he wanted to make her life better by removing himself from it.

“You don't have to say anything if you don't want to, but would it be okay if I hugged you?” she inquired, leaving him stunned for a few moments before he nodded, apprehension pulling at the last string that held him together. He thought he would fall apart right there in front of her, the frantic beating of his heart causing his blood to race, further melting his icy shell as he leaned forward tentatively.

For a fleeting moment he saw her smile, the very smile that shattered his heart and now pieced it back together, the sight of it making it soar like a phoenix born anew.

He held his breath, terrified that he misheard or that she was only teasing, ever so difficult to be convinced that anything pleasant could actually ever take place with him as a part of the equation. Doubt tugged at his mind, dismay threatening to settle in while he steeled himself, arms unfolded and raised in front of him somewhat awkwardly, waiting for her next move.

Suddenly her slender frame collided with his and it was as if he ascended back to heaven. Her scent enveloped him in its fruity sweetness, her chest pressed against his, delicate arms winding around him, patting his back affectionately.

It was entirely too much, yet somehow not enough and he choked back a whimper, sinking his teeth into his lower lip to silence himself instead.

Levi whined at the loss of the sensation when she eventually drew away, much too soon for his liking, even though he wouldn't openly admit it.

She took both of his hands in hers, giving them a little squeeze and he realised they were no longer cold at all. He closed his eyes, happiness spreading through him like a wildfire, the sparks of his love burning so bright and vivid that he nearly couldn't take it.

“I really missed you,” she chimed, loosening her grip on his hands, giving him space to retreat if he chose to do so.

“I am not quite sure what happened, but suddenly you were gone and it was like a part of me was missing too. Sorry if it sounds weird, but it's just not the same without you around, you know?”

“You really mean that?” he rasped, voice strained and hoarse, a mix of hope and insecurity filling it with equal share.

“Of course, why would I say it if I didn't mean it, silly?” she retorted, flashing him yet another smile and his last icy wall melted away.

Pulling her back to him, he let go of the previous hesitation, eager to feel more of what he spend so long denying himself, flustered and overstimulated but more content than he has ever been.

His trust was not easy to earn, but he decided to believe her and silence the nagging voices in his head for once. For her. And perhaps for himself too.

Her fingers combed through his hair, untangling the unruly tresses while her nails drew intricate patterns over his scalp, soothing yet enticing at the same time. He let out a sigh, nuzzling his face into the crook of her neck and she pulled him even closer, until he could feel her heartbeat mirroring his own in their silent race without a winner, invigorating beyond description. He felt more alive than ever before, her name dying on his lips while he carefully stroked her back in turn. He wished he could take back all the time he had wasted, thinking himself a fool for avoiding her when it was so strikingly obvious that what he really craved was the exact opposite of that.

Every second spent with her was sacred and he realised it now.

He didn't have to hide. Not anymore.

She brushed his fringe away, kissing his exposed forehead, gentle fingers attempting to tuck the silky strands away, failing tremendously. His hair cascaded back into its place, stubborn, just like himself. Levi chuckled and she kissed him again, this time on top of the messy purple layers, rewarded by a soft gasp.

“Do you still remember when you once asked me what my greatest fear was and I wasn't sure what to reply?” she inquired, snapping him out of the momentary daze.

He nodded, patiently waiting for her to continue.

Her hand slid to his cheek, gently stroking his flustered face as she took a deep breath before carrying on.

“I did not yet know then, but what really scares me is the thought of living in a world untouched by your presence, Levi. Please don't disappear on me like that again.” He met her gaze, reluctant and skittish at first, but soon grinning so hard the tips of his usually hidden fangs were on full display. He was grateful, for her but also for the fact that he somehow managed to retain his human form. He was certain that if his tail had manifested, there would be nothing he could do to prevent it from wagging. His cheeks burned even brighter than before, eyes flickering with newly found zeal. He continued smiling, extending a pinky to her with poorly concealed enthusiasm, focusing hard on pushing back the scales that begged to sprout across the sides of his hand while he held it out in her direction. “I won’t, I promise!” ________ Masterlist