#then something shitty happens
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anyone else have multiple traumatic memories associated specifically with holidays/family vacations? because that is a topic I never see discussed in all the So You Had A Shitty Childhood, Now What? self-help books i've been reading. but for me, it was a significant thing. and the more i think about it the more it seems like this would be an (unfortunately) common experience. would be grateful to hear if this matches other peoples' experiences...
#not a shitpost#serious post#ask to tag#tw trauma#cptsd#c-ptsd#and if so we should TALK about it#because it means there are a whole group of survivors out there whose mental health regularly worsens during holidays#like i know i am most certainly not the only person who feels an undefined Dread hanging over christmas/my birthday/july 4 etc#bc too many shitty things happened during those times and now my brain is hypervigilant bc traditionally these are the Danger Times#and this seems like it would be particularly common for survivors of abusive/dysfunctional households (aka most people with c-ptsd)#because holidays/vacations typically mean 1) the whole family is together/being forced to interact#2) and undergoing external stressors e.g. travel/relatives aka 'outsiders' visiting/routines & coping mechanisms being interrupted etc#3) there is social pressure for this to be a Fun Family Bonding Experience which only highlights the cracks in the foundation#and exposes the common Everything Is Fine/We Are A Happy Family lie#4) the cognitive dissonance of feeling tired/anxious/stressed/afraid during a time when you are 'supposed' to be Making Good Memories#and then everyone is angry/tired/anxious/triggered and things boil over and something or someone goes Very Wrong#weird that i'm posting this in october when halloween is...sort of the ONLY holiday i have only good and happy feelings towards#i got lucky there#also i have positive feelings towards Labor Day but that's for socialist reasons
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i like my body when it is with your body.
#death note#meronia#near#mello#mihael keehl#nate river#mello dn#near dn#artists on tumblr#horreurart#been working on this one here and there for a long while. i love drawing mello's scar >:) it's like a brain coral or a very shitty maze.#also i cannot remember the last time i posted something even slightly racy so this feels rather scandalous#2024 is the year of posting sexy blorbo art i've decided...#anyway this literally happened in canon it just wasn't relevant to death note's journey. source: trust me#something kind of melancholic about this piece i think. it's like spying on them. it pulled that one ee cummings poem from the#deepest receses of my mind -- i hadn't thought about it in years. it's sooo romantique. to me#girl help the anime boys are in doomed love...#in my mind this forbidden rendezvous is happening in one of those abandoned love motels with heart shaped tubs and round mattresses and#mirrors on the ceiling and wall carpeting. it's kind of gross.#sometime between spk control room meeting and mello dying. rip king at least you got the love of your life laid once (1) one time
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I don’t think we talk enough about how being love bombed can like really fuck you up??? Like yeah is it easy to identify from an outside perspective? Absolutely. But being in it and having someone devote that much time and attention to you (even if it is manipulative in nature) to then having it end abruptly when they’ve gotten what they wanted out of you… 🫠
#mine#text post#it’s so devious and sinister the way people can just do this to people#and every time I come out of it#I just feel so stupid and like of course that’s what was happening#why wouldn’t that be what was happening???#and not only does it feel super shitty to feel like you were being used#and also that like everything they said was just a ploy to get something from you#but like the withdrawal of attention is my least favorite part#because it feels nice to be pursued and flirted with and called pretty#and to have someone ask about your day#etc etc#but then when it disappears#you just feel awful#at least I do#and don’t even get me started on how it becomes so hard to believe people after that#to believe anything anyone says#to see yourself as desirable outside of manipulation and being used#just shitty shitty shitty#ruminating on things I shouldn’t#but was thinking about this tonight#having fallen prey to it so many times#sorry for the rant#I’m done now
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uhh what the heck? there's a new blog called @/transandrophobia which is empty except some reblogged posts from the same transfem with a four part series called "misandry isn't real." seriously it's gotta be bait.
<insert usual warning to not engage>
#transandrophobia#i'm sure this isn't the first time something like this has happened#but choosing that url is something alright#i may be overreacting#but i've seen more bait going around lately#people trying to sow division between trans people are nothing new but like...what the fuck?#i haven't been around to see the worst of this stuff#so this feels really shitty
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in honor of 10 years of dashcon, we should all pay our respects by taking a little bit of time from our day to think about our favorite characters running/going to an absolutely dogshit convention. with a ball pit, of course.
#suzerain gang running the shittiest usp rally possible. protestors blocking the streets so nearly nobody can make it in.#there are fights breaking out between conservatives and reformists. petr's drunk and chilling in the ball pit tho he's having fun.#fallen london ocs jerry tells jack that his fan club (3 people and a talking cat) are organizing a convention for him.#something catastrophic is happening on the other side of london so it's a bit of a bust. henry's trying his best to hype up the crowd tho.#my hotel crew ocs ARE HOSTING the shitty conventions. adam is about to have an anxiety attack.#dashcon#according to jules
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haha hey so apparently someone stole my whole fic... copy and pasted except for tiny things changed... here is the link to their """fic""" (sorry random person I had to steal the reblog from). they've since deleted the fic off their blog + deleted their ao3 + gone on a hiatus so..... that's cool and whatever....... but they have written a lot of other shit so... don't be a dick but maybe check that for funny business too...
#yall I am literally#I don't even know what to say LMFAO#their fic before they deleted it had more notes than mine....... like what.....#I've never had this happen before so I'm just.... in awe........#is leon similar to aki or something I don't know this man. who are you#it sucks so much too because that fic of mine#is probably my favorite fic I ever wrote#I poured so much love into it#so many little aspects of aki's character that I enjoyed fleshing out#and to just have it stolen#like if you stole a shitty drabble I wouldn't be as wounded but to steal 20k words of love.....#that's messed up man........#I'm laughing at this but also. crying inside a little#thank you to the person who told me about this because since they deleted it it would be really hard to know otherwise#yeah........... yeah.....
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the ruler electric
(text in alt, my handwriting is shit)
#MIND QUIT FORCING HEART TO ROLEPLAY KING AND SERF WITH YOU AND GET BACK TO WRITING MUSIC YOU SGUPID WANNABE KING IDIOT ASS#hc that the trident can throw lightning. becauseeee uhhhhhh#anyway you WILL look at my inconsistently edited scans of my traditional hms drawings and you WILL like it#in my head this is circa ruler of everything where heart just tried to kill mind failed and now minds taken advantage of his vulnerable stat#e#to be all immm the ruler of everything. do as i say. until soul sees what theyre doing and is like WHAT THE HELL ARE TOU DOING??#and they snap out of it. at least heart does#anyways this is one of my many many incorrect and correct interpretations of ruler of everything. not even something that i think happened#just silly doodles#based off the ending verses where heart sings that he understands mind is the ruler of everything in the end#whatever that means#posting mainly cus i liked the expression mind makes when soul yells at him. rlly good#ALSO ignore the shitty crown of thorns. i was lazy okay#if u read this ur cool#jaggy posts#chonny jash#cccc#chonny jash fanart#cj mind#cj soul#cj heart#chonnys charming chaos compendium
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Actually thinking more about Reiju's only sin being a woman and... Going into more depth, I know that logically/canonically she's smart and empathetic enough to not want to be in her brothers' place. She doesn't want to be an heir/ successor or follow the family's footsteps at all. She knows they're bad. She sees herself as such, too, unable to change/be different like Sanji was. She doesn't think she can bring her mother's kindness to this world the way Sanji does, so she sticks to what she knows, whether it is to protect Sanji too or to accept her fate.
BUT (and bear with me for a second here, I know I have been watching too much Succession lately) we also do know that during her childhood she didn't do anything to help Sanji from the abuse. She watched it happen because that was the way things went there and because she knew what would happen to her if she did. Of course, she ends up helping him escape and taking care of him but-- I'm just thinking, for a tiny little moment, about how she's actually the oldest.
She should be the heir. She should be the person everybody views Ichiji as. She should be considered the most responsible. The smartest. The strongest one. The one who should take the throne. And she doesn't even want it now, but what about back then? What about when she did have some little, tiny faith/hopes for her family and what they did? She sought approval and naively thought "my father is going to offer me the place I rightfully deserve, right?" blindly seeking acceptance like all of them did.
But no, because she might be the oldest but Ichiji is a man. She might be the strongest, the smartest, the most reliable... But she is not a man. And I believe there must have been a time when she expected her destiny to be something more, and once she realized she was just a woman in their eyes... Well, we know what happened.
I just keep finding similarities between The Vinsmokes (OP) and The Roys (Succession) and perhaps my headcanon of Reiju being similar to Shiv has gone a bit too far. But the scene where Shiv is like "This is real?" when Logan promises she'll be the CEO and he goes "This is real. Remember this. The slant of light" for it to be a lie later is something I fear could have happened with Reiju and Judge if Oda had given us more content,,,,
#guys i might be mentally ill when it comes to the vinsmokes i keep making up content and background that does not exist#ik reiju's character doesn't focus on this/the whole point is her being treated as just a woman bc of having feelings & yet being reliable#but let me dream of a more complex story behind all of this okay#she ends up helping sanji bc she refuses to keep seeing him suffer but what if something else had also happened back thennn#what if judge had destroyed her hopes of something more??? and with that she realizes first-hand how shitty everything is#and she also hates herself for not having helped sanji sooner#and she does believe it IS a bit sanji's fault for being weak but she's also aware that that weakness is kindness#i am very sad this is so shiv and roman coded i am jumping off a bridge#roman and sanji being similar is also on my list btw#not fully sanji bc i also think roman applies to niji but there's some stuff there okay#“what have you got on your fucking hand?” “idk fucking love?” is something so sanji to me okay okay#but at the end of the day isn't sanji just tom wambsgans in this essay i will-#one piece#vinsmoke reiju#vinsmoke judge#vinsmoke family#succession#shiv roy#robin stop mentioning succession this is an anime blog
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Honestly I see Jimmy's refusal to put Curly out of his misery less about his weird feelings of envy or his delusions but the fact Curly is all but stated to be a shield to Jimmy from his actions and people seeing the worst in him.
The only characters that Jimmy really interacts with one on one before the crash are Curly and Anya, two individuals he has wildly different relationships with. It's likely that Curly really did most of the talking between them as the pilots and the rest of the crew as staff. They didn't know of Jimmy's more reprehensible behaviors cause they never really had the chance to and Jimmy is subconsciously aware. If they had disliked him more than Anya would have told Swansea earlier or even Daisuke when things got really bad.
It's why he takes the immediate opportunity to blame Curly; He's the shield. He's saved Jimmy's ass more times than he can count and more times than Jimmy would ever admit. Even when he can't really do it anymore, he mentally shields himself from his own faults by putting Curly between them. Letting Curly die puts too much on him because he doesn't know how to function without a safety net.
In the end Curly only lives because Jimmy needs the idea that Curly will inevitably make things better to stay alive, meaning Curly has to live, no matter how much it pains him to do so.
#in short Jimmy doesnt only care about Curly#he only cares about the securtiy that Curly provides him#and i headcanon that the reason he tried to kill everyone is because he knew it was only a matter of time befor Curly realized this wasnt#somethgin benign Jimmy did that he could smooth over but somethign that Curly would repremand and condem him for and take his security away#like yes Curly did not react fast enough or strongly enough to what Anya told him but you could see him showing more concern over it as I d#understand the psychology behind people and more specifically men like Curly as he is hearing something horrible his friend did to someone#he cares about but has less of a bond with. he feels the need to protect his crew as people first and sadly Jimmy is still the person he wa#closest too yet I still think everything happened too fast for Curly to process as would you not grapple with the fact your closest friend#is a monster you must personally deal with? or that he did something so vile to someone else you have become protective over? Would you not#think of the relative power that friend holds and how if you approuch this wrong it could end badly for everyone? He had all these thoughts#but not enough time to think about them. Also how Jimmy was one of the main people in his personal life he felt a need to protect seeing as#he got him this job. Like imagine the one person you are really trying to make good is still bad after everythign and now you have to be th#hand of judgment youve shielded them from for so long like I do not think Curly handeled the initial situation with Anya correctly I dont#think it was the case of him not believing but not really knowing what to do and feel about it as a friend of both parties the captain and#guy going through his own shit and it says so much that he was dealing with all that so well compared to Jimmy who got everyone killed cuz#he thought being captain would be like sitting on the thrown and not emotionally mentally and physically taxing like I cant say Curly is th#best person due to his inaction but he is a good person doing the best with the knowledge and shitty resources he has cuz like also Id just#be terrified that my suicidal and nilihst bestie who clearly has an inferiority complex around me is the copilot who has access to the most#to the most important parts of the ship and the means to kill us all if he feels like him or his security are being threatened like#Anya and Curly just deserved better because they get put through the ringer like just put him in a class to teach him to be less trusting#anya mouthwashing#curly mouthwashing#captain curly#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#mouthwashing curly#mouthwashing anya#mouthwashing jimmy#jimmy mouthwashing#mouthwashing spoilers
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Samurai and Ninja in crappy pics because December here is under a constant cloud and I just want y'all to see them all golden and cute without learning how to take aesthetic pictures 🥴 💙❤️😆🥰
linktr.ee/Mezzy
#klance#can i tell everyone to look away before i write tags to someone privately lmao no? damn#anyway yes i meant music!! and thank you for sharing something!!#baking seems like a hyperfixation#like i know you said you baked once but then look at me#...i was thinking if i could make salads.... i gotta be medicore at least at one food thing#its a joke its a joke#i will one day get used to focusing on more complicated kitchen work than heating up meat or cooking things in salt and water#anyone else had trouble getting out of bed this december?#once i do i try to pick physical activities that dont require creative thinking because man#at the post office i had small talk with a lady waiting in line she didnt speak polish so u know me it happened#and she recommended light therapy lamp#im very tempted to try it becase i had record bad thoughts sleepless nights and jerking awake this month#it might be rooted in economic instability growing inflation costs of living and shitty working conditions while still trying to buy gifts?#but hey there are things we cant have control over and there are things we can#ive got winter wonderland comic coming though#i will try my best to speed-finish it as a christmas gift aight#i hope its going to be a nice thing!!#wow thats a long set of tags
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i’ve never been as angry on behalf of a character as i am for sam winchester
#currently thinking about season four and five. absolutely fuckibg mental#the world literally reshapes itself around him to prove him wrong#its all framed as God. Sam was so stupid and selfish and reckless for drinking demon blood. He just liked the power of it and he chose a#DEMON over DEAN.#but. that’s not the story they tell in s4.#like even aside from every single other complexity. Sam is literally right. he has ZERO WAY of knowing that killing lilith is the final seal#AND DEAN DOESNT KNOW TJAT EITHER. like sam is literally right he can kill lilith and he does kill lilith. dean wants lilith dead just as#much. sam’s cardinal sin is disobeying dean and then the world flips around on him and plot twist sam and dean were both wrong all along and#killing lilith is what will bring back lucifer :)#but. it’s not framed like that either. it’s framed like SAM BROUGHT BACK LUCIFER BY KILLING LILITH WHILE HIGH ON DEMON BLOOD#dean you wanted to kill lilith too?????????#but. doesn’t matter dean despite being mostly motivated by jealous anger is retroactively proven to be Right#and sam is retroactively proven to be Wrong. he is bad#i just. jesus. sam’s not evil ever. he’s hardly even that fucking morally grey#and he still thinks there’s something wrong with him that he’s a freak that he’s inherently evil and needs to be purified#why?? cause of something fucked up that happened to him when he was a baby#and because he’s disobeyed his father and his brother and been angry at awful things that have happened to him#makes me feel fucking insane actually#no wonder narrative frames sam as evil no wonder he’s inherently marked as Bad by the forces in supernatural like even on a meta level#in supernatural gods just another shitty father. embodiment of the familial patriarch. and from sam’s very first moment on the show he’s in#opposition to that he’s ran away from john and he argues with dean. therefore he is evil#i don’t think my words r really making sense right now but. fucking hell#and sam is so swamped in guilt all of season five and he just fucking accepts that everything bad is his fault#and he gets tortured in the cage to save the fucking world and it’s STILL not enough. not to appease his own guilt and not to appease deans#anger at him. dean is still throwing his perceived violations back at him in like season nine!!#and whenever he tries to get out it’s treated as yet another Sin. narrative acts like sam thinking dean was dead and having a life outside#of hunting is The Worst Thing He Ever Did#worst sin sam ever commits in the eyes of the show is disobedience. Absolutely awful actually#spn#sam winchester
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Ethan: And now that I'm alive again I've realised that I don't have a motivation for anything anymore because I tied so much of my identity to helping my mother and I haven't spoken to her since before I died and I'm scared that-
Apollo: Damn that fucking sucks will talking shit about your mom make you feel better
Ethan: …what?
Leo: Yeah she’s such a bitch! Me and Hazel met her during our quest and she looked like my aunt Rosa-
Ethan: what do you mean she looked like your aunt Rosa?
Leo: She looks like the person you most want revenge on?
Ethan: she what
#pjo#percy jackon and the olympians#ethan nakamura#artemx aus#waystation ethan au#apollo pjo#leo valdez#Ethan was having a pretty shitty day in this au so this isn't the worst thing that happened#firstly Apollo was fucking terrified of him#secondly nobody would stop talking about his kidnapped sister (Georgina)#Thirdly Britomartis said he was easily manipulated and a liability to Apollo and Calypso's quest#and now he found out about something that has A Lot of implications about his father#he's fiiiiiine
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i was hoping to make a post like this under happier circumstances, but here goes.
as some of you know, everything with the cancellation and renewal campaign has happened right on top of the worst part of my mom's cancer treatment (plus the show was cancelled on my actual birthday 💀). i won't go into details, but it's been tough. lots of ups and downs, mostly downs, luckily ending (for now) on as much of an up as circumstances allow. the whole thing has been weirdly tied to the cancellation for me, kind of amplifying every feeling. the grief got mixed up, and there was so much of it - mourning the loss of the kind of future i thought i'd have with my mother and the time we might not get, mourning the end of a show that means so much to me and is such a big part of my life. different types of grief, sure, and of different magnitudes, but in one big ugly swirl. i sort of had a breakdown right at the start of february, and it was because of news about my mom, but it morphed into my brain telling me everything i'd ever written was shit and wanting to delete it all. stuff like that, spilling over.
anyway. i was holding off on writing this post to see if the show got picked up by someone else. but i still want to say it. because what also spilled over was the support and community from this fandom, and being in this space (despite the rough times and high emotions) helped me through it, because of all of you here. whether we talk regularly, or you left a comforting reply or simply a like on one of my posts about having a hard time (i tried to keep them few), or wrote a nice comment on a fic, or said something funny or nice or insightful in the tags of a gifset, or was active here (or on twt) in any way, talking/sharing/creating stuff about the show - THANK YOU.
you all helped me through all the ups and downs, and i am so grateful. thank you for being here, listening, distracting, helping me feel some joy despite the horrors. i love you and i love this incredible show and all it has brought and will continue to bring and inspire, and although it should go without saying, i'm not going anywhere. just do me a favor and give yourself a big ol' hug from me, and know that you made a difference for some random guy on the internet (but in reality for many more, and for this fandom as a whole, just by being here and being you) 💕
#🐭📓#oh wow this got long#i grieved so much in january and never truly got my hopes up even though i of course wished something would happen#that the second “cancellation” message did not hit me as hard as it did for others - like i'd already absorbed that reality#but no matter what. all the effort was worth it - even for just the slightest chance of renewal and showing the cast and crew all the love#and seeing the fandom rally and all the fun moments we found along the way in a shitty situation none of us wished to be in#and for the record - i don't think this means there is no possibility of anything happening in the future#i just think the current/immediate negotiations fell through due to the current streaming landscape#you never know what can happen even if nothing happens for years#it's just that it's not happening right now and we shouldn't be at the edge of our seats. but instead settle into long term fandom mode#instead of constant campaign mode. keep showing all our love for the show and letting it inspire us and move us#and keep supporting the cast and crew in their next works#there is so much more to come from the same creative minds#and i for one am looking forward to experiencing it with you all 💗#ok i will stop rambling now skdjfhdjks
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#dahlia hawthorne#ace attorney#phoenix wright#dahlia x phoenix#alexa play dark red by steve lacy#my art#since i dont want to make a dedicated post let me use my notes to vent about how much i love dahlia conceptually and how much i wish AA +#writers weren't sexist#dahlia was given the shittiest set of cards when she was a kid and she was a victim of grooming by that terry loser#she is CONSTANTLY objectified and sexualised and i think her design as a skinny young looking individual makes it even more distasteful#but i think it works if the writers could have done something with that#what i love about dahlia and phoenix's relationship is the contrast - phoenix needs to see people as innocent before jumping to help them v#dahlia who has if you think about it is innocent to a degree given how fucked up her childhood was#dahlia could have been a great case study into compassion for phoenix as she has hurt him directly but in his role as a lawyer he has to se#past certain flaws so justice can be served#and it can PUSH his understanding of what is “guilty”#yes dahlia killed people but also i choose to believe her worldview was severely warped by her enviornment and she's a product of it#or if they wanted to make her a villain and stick with it i think as a rival ro phoenix she should have been a cautionary tale#of what happens when you never learn to move beyond the shitty hand youve been dealt with and live non judgementally#anyways ^_^
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i feel room temperature about this news
#i made these in mspaint btw. i think the shittiness adds something to memes though#'hey we closed the eshop so buy our games again but on switch please'#anyway mod your DS systems which are the objectively better systems to play aa on#ace attorney#i will defend aai w my life btw thats the hill i will die on#edit in the tags: i didnt think AA would get trending over this and as always underestimate 1) how active this fandom gets when there's new#-things happening and 2) how much the fandom loves Apollo#(which is to say i do not by any means he's a bad character)#so anyway don't let my meme ruin your fun#(but do look into hacking ur 3ds <3
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i liked barbie but acting like greta and margot not getting nominated is the biggest feminist issue of our times is so silly. 2 mothers are killed per hour in gaza. women are using tent scraps as sanitary products. women are getting c-sections without anesthesia. fuck off with your white feminism and award shows
#like get it the fuck together#the same people who are silent about palestine are foaming at the mouth over this shit#it is shitty and hollow and stupid and i DO NOT CARE#NOBODY CARES#THERE IS A GENOCIDE BE SO FR#palestine#gaza#israel#free palestine#barbie#greta gerwig#margot robbie#who the fuck played ken again 😭😭#ryan reynolds#white people love picking on issues like this so that they can feel like activists or like they're part of something important#but when real crises happen and they might be required to step outside their comfort zones or sacrifice something their lips are ZIPPED#if half of you had HALF the reaction to 30000 dead palestinians maybe things would be better
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