#then never left my house ever
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This is a vent? I think, I dunno, ask me tomorrow after my migraine is over:
I've had a migraine for eight hours now. This is far from the worst migraine I've ever had (I'm not at the ER getting painkillers stabbed into my bloodstream), but it may well be the longest.
And I can't take my good medicine because I'm not allowed to take it when alone in case I get the heart attack side effect and need somebody to force the other medicine down my throat.
I messaged my mum just to let her know in case I'm not able to meet her tomorrow and she says "it's just a headache".
I always forget how completely unaware of pain people who don't suffer pain are.
No, just pain was when I fell on my elbow during quidditch practice and my bone was visible.
Just pain was when I crashed my bike.
Just pain was that ER visit I regret not just patching up at home because five hours in a waiting room with no internet was as close to purgatory I wish to be.
Migraines are hell stuffed into my head, migraines are questioning if this is the one that takes my eyesight, migraines are headaches in the same way me sitting crying in my closet is a visit to Narnia.
Anyway, if you suffer migraines, I'm sorry.
If you do not, I am happy for you, but please understand migraines can LITERALLY cause parts of your brain to shut down so maybe take them seriously if someone close to you suffers them.
Also if anybody didn't know migraines can kill parts of your brain and is now scared, that is VERY rare. It happens but like, you'll probably be fine it just FEELS like your brain is dying. Also, there's nothing you can actually do about it so your best option is just have a painkiller, find the darkest quietest area in your house and pray to the nordic gods for a fast recovery.
#rambles#ramblings#vent#rant#written during migraine so this might not make any sense whatsoever#honestly I'm just proud it's english#next post is spanish valenciano french and english mixed into a delicious bilingual soup#my cat has been great support though#she's the sweetest little heatpad with vibrations and low cost a girl could ask for#now that I ever asked for her#she just kinda gave birth on my couch#then never left my house ever#her name is Shuri#the vet says she's two years old#which is impressive seeing as I've had her for five years
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3.15 TIME IS ON MY SIDE 5.01 SYMPATHY FOR THE DEVIL
#spnedit#deanedit#samedit#megedit#in the first one sam sends the demon to hell (where we know the hurting can and does continue) in the second he has let them all out#and in both scenes dean is threatened with gang rape#like do you ever wanna lie down when you think about how he first couldn't stop dean from going to hell#and then the unintended consequences of his actions brought hell back to dean again#also the way he waits for dean's permission always gets me too. I'M SO SAD#supernatural#house afraid to be alone#whatever this is#the best torturers never get their hands dirty#you left part of yourself back in the pit#s3#time is on my side#s5#sympathy for the devil#samdeanedit#*
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You know what is still making me boil with rage is not the fact that Helena is raking Chris away - that she finally got what she wanted - it’s that she clearly thinks so little of Eddie that she is abandoning him when he very clearly needs help and support - the help and support of his family - their love - and he isn’t getting that.
Putting the Chris of it all to one side - Helena has abandoned her son on multiple occasions - she only ever sees his flaws - but isn’t interested in helping him in, supporting him, she is only interested in herself and how it makes her look, so she ignores his struggles because she would have to admit she is a awful parent and that she is responsible for so much of what has happened to Eddie and who he is as a result of her treatment throughout his entire life.
Eddie was always doomed to fail when it came to her and she sees Chris as her chance to have a do over - to mould Chris into what she sees as the perfect son she thinks she didn’t get with Eddie. It’s truly vindictive and that is the most horrifying part of it all and what makes her irredeemable in my eyes
#she is evil personified#once again she has abandoned Eddie when he needs her - for her own ends#Eddie’s inner child is breaking once again#he needed his mothers love and support and all he is left with is an empty house beciase she has taken away his child - his soul#a child he didn’t want to go to them if he wasn’t able to care for Chris because he knows what she might do to Chris - how she will stifle#him and who he is in the same way she stifled Eddie himself#my rage towards her is unending#I know Tim likes to redeem people - especially bad parents on this show but she can never ever come back from this#911 spoilers#eddie diaz#Helena diaz
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Hush...Hush, Sweet Charlotte (1964)
"Miriam? He really... isn't here, is he? Just now, I thought I heard... sometimes at night, when I wake up, it seems as if he really is here. Don't turn on the light. It's not real when it's light. It's only real when it's dark - dark and still."
#hush...hush sweet charlotte#hush...hush‚ sweet charlotte#robert aldrich#1964#american cinema#lukas heller#henry farrell#bette davis#olivia de havilland#joseph cotten#agnes moorehead#cecil kellaway#victor buono#mary astor#wesley addy#william campbell#bruce dern#george kennedy#frank ferguson#frank de vol#Aldrich's follow up to Baby Jane reunited him with star Davis (and initially Crawford‚ until she left the project under a cloud; she can#just about be glimpsed in one of the long shots of cousin Miriam arriving at the house by taxi) and even provides a cameo for Baby Jane co#star Buono. the rest of his cast is also notably starry: de Havilland‚ Cotten‚ Moorehead‚ even a genuine cinematic legend like Astor not to#mention a pre fame Dern and Kennedy. sadly all that increased star power doesn't translate to a film even better than its predecessor#this is solid‚ a strong and sweaty gothic grotesquerie‚ but it's a little flabby and nowhere near as sharp or as honed as Baby Jane was#Davis often goes very large and brushes caricature more than once with her faded Southern belle but to give her her dues there are other#moments of true heartbreaking beauty in her performance. de Havilland is also very strong altho maybe tips her hat a little soon in#revealing the true personality lingering beneath the surface of her mysterious outsider. Aldrich is as strong as ever helming a killer#fantasy sequence... tbh the more i think about it the kinder my memory of this becomes. it has just one main flaw and that's that it isn't#Baby Jane. but then what is? Aldrich never quite hit those heights again (tho he did some p great work) and this is a commendable try
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i've been reading a lotta todofam fics recently and i think you guys give fuyumi too much shit for wanting a happy family. she's not delusional or blind or anything like that. she's just an abused girl who wants some semblance of a normal family. which is fine!!!! not once in canon does she ever tell natsu or shou that their feelings aren't valid or that they need to forgive enji. all she ever says is, hey. he says he's changing. can you please be civil with him natsu? also, from what i understand about canon, it's not like enji was beating the shit out of his children the minute they came out of the womb??? he was okay-ish those first few years and it's more than likely that fuyumi remembers that enji!!! natsu probably doesn't have any memories of that enji. of course, she wants a happy family. she remembers when enji was okay-ish!!! like do you think she doesn't know about the abuse????? she's the only sibling who still lives in that house!!!! she was there for all of shouto's abuse!!!! all this to say, if you even look at my girl wrong, i will stomp you to death with my hooves.
#don't you ever speak ill of my eldest daughter in a shitty household character again#who was the one that bandaged shouto? fuyumi#who was the one making sure shouto ate? fuyumi#who stayed in that fucking house even though she could've left at any time???? FUYUMI!!!!#and to this day she is still soothing everyone's hurts and looking after everyone and does she ever get a thank you???? not once!#say what you want about the endeavor redemption arc but i think it gave us really interesting responses to abuse#fuyumi is willing to move on if enji never does it again#natsuo will punt enji into the sun if endeavor so much a breathes in his direction#and shouto is still thinking about it#(dabi as we all know will murder his father if given the chance)#oh fuyumi you are so “surface pressure” coded#bnha#todofam#todoroki fuyumi#todoroki shouto#todoroki natsuo#todoroki enji#todoroki family
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part twoooo
#if u can tell i left freya for last bc i didn’t want to draw armour and then lost all motivation by the time i got to her no u can’t#can’t wait to never draw in this style ever again.. i miss my big brushes..#fe3h#loola art#digital illustration#fe3h fanart#fire emblem#fire emblem three houses#fe3houses#fe#fe3h oc#ivory swans
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Looks like that video is about a month & a half after The Trade and trevors broken ankle 😣
re: this video… anon 😭 i had suspicions but it is so much worse to have them confirmed that really was like. trevor’s first Public Appearance without jamie AND post-broken ankle which is traumatic in and of itself no wonder every beat reporter was like ‘oh yeah trevor’s just devastated’
wouldn’t you be miserable too if your best friend just got traded and your body betrayed you and what if it was maybe all your fault!!!
#bestie thank you so much for fact-checking me 🙏🙏🥰🥰 i love when y’all come in my inbox & answer the questions i yell into the void of my tag#we are Suffering about trevor TOGETHER in this house. if i scrolled all the way to the bottom of my drafts i think i could find even more#heartbreaking content from before The Trade but we don’t need to suffer that much otherwise the penguin cup of tea is really irish coffee#confirms ALL of my theories about miserable trevor leaning into mason for comfort because in some universes that’s THEIR boyfriend who left#liv in the replies#trevor zegras#mason mctavish#need to go lay on the floor about this one folks. do you think trevor said he would only do it if mason came if he could sit next to mason#right at the end where people were rushing out not stopping to talk tired by the end of the line and not even thinking just to guarantee he#wouldn’t get asked anything because he still has a hard time believing it’s real he keeps thinking jamie’ll be there especially w/his ankle#i’m sure he doesn’t have a great time with stairs so he probably will nap on the couch sometimes and that moment right when he first wakes#up to the bang of the door and he doesn’t quite know he’s awake yet and he thinks it’s jamie coming in? heartbreaker right there bud. sorry#ALSO because I can’t say it and leave it alone I almost put that last bit strictly in the tags but like. there’s gotta be some part of#trevor that knows it’s nothing to do with him but still naïvely believes that if he’d maybe been there if he hadn’t been injured things#could have worked out differently if he’d been there and it’s his fault his ankle broke and do you remember all the interviews jamie gave#about how you never think you’ll be traded and how strange it is to be moving and now i need you to take that naïveté times 1000 for trevor#who of course he never even pictures jamie leaving they were building the core together!!! why would they ever get rid of him!! and if only#trevor had been there to show how important jamie was. what would he have done? literally nothing but that does not stop the emotional guil#from enveloping trevor like a rain cloud and making him sit in mason’s apartment with ice cream bowl in hand. holistic treatment l
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family sentai big brothers - an observation
#fiveman#magiranger#gogov#gaku - thoughtful/placid/beloved aniki#makito - romantic/nurturing/beloved aniki#matoi - bastard#i kid lmao i fucking love matoi so much this is a matoi stan account my boy has done nothing wrong in his life ever#ANYWAY#i have so many feelings about these boys its not funny#gaku lost both his parents but he always had arthur#he shouldered a lot of the emotional burden but he was never “left to raise his siblings”#makito lost his dad young and became “the man of the house” but again - he always had his mum#he never had to be 'dad' - at least not until he was already an adult#BUT MATOI#matoi's parents left. they left and he didnt know if or when either of them were going to come back.#so to deal with it he held on to the family he has left and he holds on too tight and he suffocates them but he's doing his fucking BEST#i will defend matoi until the day i die tbh#2023 art tag
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this is getting out of hand…
#left the time and my phone battery level in the screenshot cuz i think they add to it#it all started with me agreeing to go to a house show this weekend so my friend wouldn’t be sad#and now i’m driving an hour round trip tomorrow to pick up the biggest belt buckle i could find on the local market#you just never know how things might play out - truly#this is actually all part of a greater scheme to make sure people know i’m transmasc#but i think i’m mainly going to convey that i’m insane#thank god i’m not the dd for this… this only works if i’m at least a BIT tipsy#(to be clear - my outfit has NOTHING to do with the show’s theme lmaoo)#(i will never ever wear my cowboy boots in relevant situations… that’s illegal)
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And you stop and look back at the house; has it always been so far? So cold?
#art#my art#oc#illustration#my oc#artist on tumblr#drawing#lila#about the garden and the house and the family living in it#this is how I imagine Lila would leave the house#a simple night where there are no stars in the sky#everyone asleep#except maybe for Fare#looking out the window as if saying#its ok sister#you may leave and never come back#we will remember and love you hard enough to forget you ever left#this was always meant to end this way so go and don’t look back#think of us sometimes maybe
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#i'm surrounded by too many like well meaning gen x'ers who want to chat casually about politics#like girl i fear if i get into with you i'll have to call you an idiot i'm SORRY#but you can't just say 'you know something crazy there hasn't been a single republican president that's left the country better#in my lifetime'#without me saying and there never was and never will be#saying oh well republicans used to be chill and normal and just financially conservative#even if that were true that would still be terrible WHAT is going on in there#them saying oh they've been talking a lot about reproductive rights at the dnc#like i have to follow that up with oh yeah that thing that they're only ever going to campaign on??#that thing that they did nothing about but campaign on and now we no longer have ????? THAT thing?#met with well we don't have a majority in the house right now <3#as if I'M stupid. girl they had decades.#sorry elections make me a miserable bitch !#i fear it's the democrats being born and bred losers that does it
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🧸♡ ⋆。˚
#it actually does make such a huge difference omg im like ... feels like i got thrown into the floor lost my breath#having someone i like so much to talk to abt things#and share stuff and details abt not only my days but their days too#and talking abt like books that we read or shows/movies we saw and etc etc#sending pics. sending voice messages. all of that#that was so amazing wth???#it sounds like such a mundane thing but it changed my enire baseline. it wasnt a littel thing to me#i didnt share as much as i wanted to because it takes me longer to settle into smth like this#or any kind of connection/correspondence/bond/rapport#im slow bc im so scared of ppl. scared of trusting. scared of opening up. rejection rejection all of that#yeah.. takes me a lot longer than the average person to settle into smth like this#avpd is its own special hell...#i miss it a lot and i wish there hadnt been all the other circumstances so i could've actually relaxed into it#and come out of my shell completely. which i was almost there. now that mental block is gone but it's too late....#i take too long... it is impossible to be patient with me. i really hate everything abt my brain#my desire overtook my fear and it was quicker than it ever has but not enough.. :(#i miss it sm and it made me feel so so much lust for life..#but it's gone now and i can really feel the loss of it#i wouldve done anything i could to save it. or nurture it. or whatever. but it was a sacred treasure to /me/.#it doesnt matter if i try to put out the flames in a burning house if the house is gone and there are actually only the flames left#and since to me it is so special. and like. the fact that this even happened is crazy to me stuff like this feelings and connection never#happen to me. it's like.. special to talk to someone u like & have an established rapport with on a regular basis#and tell them stuff and rant abt like a book or whatever. ask them details abt their life bc u know them and enjoy knowing them#i cant just transfer all of this to someone else. i dont feel like yapping abt the book im reading into the void or someone i barely know#i just dont know... i need that sm and it was so amazing w someone i like sm. & it makes me sad i takes me too long to get fully comfortable#bc of this time were it was the most intense and long lasting for me but also im in love lmao. but other times too...#i take too long and why would someone wanna wait like actually a year (which is how long it often takes me to pass a certain barrier)#im not special. im nothing that great. it is easy to find someone else who is x1000 better than me and wont take an eternity to warm up#i just feel so sad bc i try so hard and then all of my effort just goes down the drain and then i have to do it again if i meet someone#then they'll leave me behind too and get tired of me and not like what they see and then im back at square 1 again
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Omg my dad is at the Vegas sphere. What is he doing in Vegas!
#the way my parents are always like Susan you never tell us what’s going on in your life#as if ive literally left my house in 28 years#and meanwhile they’re literally in a new city every weekend and i only ever find out via the grainiest flip phone photos on fb#my mom retired and they really went wild#keep forgetting my dad is NOT retired#bc his ass is absolutely not at work!!!!!
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the hollow nonviolence but nevertheless heavily palpable longing and empty vastness of daisuke's heart. post
#*・゚⊰ 𝐎𝐔�� 𝐎𝐅 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃𝐒. ⊱ ✦ › OUT.#full sincerity i do not mean this in an edgy oooh my cute moeblob's darkness(tm) his hidden evil side way#because this is dark's loneliness too. this is dark's wanting TOO#but dark's is daisuke's is dark's is daisuke's and they're both#the epitome of leroux's erik's description + christine's waved away loneliness too#a heart that could hold the entire empire of the world but has to content itself with a cellar#a child who's never taken seriously or properly respected despite his stubborn independent streak#or even the canon quote itself- it's enormous but empty. completely vacant. dark. there's nothing but a black pillar (themselves)#and 'nothing to satisfy someone-' i knoooow dai looks the way he does but oh my gooooodh -drags my hands down my face-#he's restless he's restless it's not blood guts violence edgy that his emptiness brings him#it's the heart of a thief someone who STEALS which is also why i abstain from too much hunger metaphor#because they DON'T want to devour they don't want to chew and swallow they want to KEEP!!!#they want to shelter and house and have something anything someone anyone they want to take care of it#BUT THE CURSE!!!!#what they do eat of is their own sin and fall; the apple. the fairy tale candy. the fairy table feast. the pomegranate#and once daisuke starts there's NOTHING left for him except to become the devil even if he's the innocent cherub!!#HE CAN'T RESIST THOSE TEMPTATIONS he can't resist the demands of his desires compassionate or not!!!#anyways i got sidetracked but i just think muses who ever see daisuke's heart#is it gentle? yes. is it warm? no. but it's a chill that makes a shared fireplace or someone's touch and blood warmer#it's lonely it's heavy it's grandiose and noble there are rooms waiting for you to walk in and spread light#candlelight starlight azumano's mock-gaslit lanterns!!!#everybody looks up 2 a rebel but nobody knows how isolating it is not just for dark as sb who decided to betray#and was therefore cast out alone left to bear enormous immense burdens all by himself ostracized and wounded#but for daisuke too caught in the shadow of dark's wings#u kno? ok. thats all#reference.
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the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now
#latimers parents not mine!!!! i am NOT moving back to florida LOL#really hope that the changes will be good for my mental health. this apartment is toxic to us#ive been on the verge of meltdowns Kind Of A Lot lately. imnot doing great#extremely dependent on substances. just to reach a baseline level of functioning. but even that isnt working as much anymore#the only things i do on my phone or tablet these days is like. 2 mobile games. and skirting past my dms to check latimers blog#its too overwhelming to even open discord these days yknow. everything on earth is too much for me right meow#i havent been drawing i havent been social online OR irl i havent been cooking or creating#i havent been keeping up with personal hygiene like at all im particularly ashamed about that one#i've been really bad about doing my T the past few months which is a HUGE shame because im SO fucking hyped to be on it#theres just. too many obstacles in getting it done half the time. and the other half of the time i just forget#anyway. anyway.#our lease ends in july so between now and then we're just gonna try our best to tolerate our living situation enough to get by#there's a light at the end of the tunnel. and its called 'i only have to be in charge of like 2 rooms at most. and not a household!'#we're gonna try to slowly comb through all our things between now and then so the process of moving wont suck as bad#cuz listen. its pretty fucking bad right now#maybe not for other people. but it is for me. and its okay to let myself come to terms with that#im just. so relieved. still very stressed! but theres at least light at the end of the tunnel and its only like 2 months away#ill be able to draw guilt-free again. ill be able to just EXIST guilt-free#i dont think ive felt guilt-free for just existing the way i do since like. turning 20#i know my mom wouldve loved if i stayed home forever. and im sad i cant be there for her#but ever since i had a fight with my dad at 15 or 16 it just really felt like he didnt want me there more and more#maybe as the youngest he was resenting that i was preventing him from becoming an empty nester or something. i dont know#because all the other kids had been moved out and on their own at least once but i had never left home before#i dont know if he'd be heartbroken or not to hear that i feeling like he was resenting me. but thats the energy i was picking up for years#i dunno. i dont know#anyway. back to housing. for now im going to try to relax and store energy for the moving process#the huge pile of things by the kitchen? i dont have to worry about that becoming permanent because we're leaving in 2 months#the general discord of the state of our possessions? we have to go through everything to pack it all anyway. we can move in RIGHT this time#when we moved in here we didnt have a car or license so we were dependent on latimers 3-hr-drive-away parents to help us move#just /across town/. and we had a whole month between leases! but it still had to be done in a weekend
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it's actually so devastating that the first boy i ever loved and who loved me back was struggling with addiction and self harm and depression when we were together and like. it was never going to happen and we were never going to make it, despite my neverending hope that it would.
#and now im never going to love anyone again bc i wont survive it#i almost k*lled myself like three times after we broke up#and then when we got back into contact and i got closure i still ruined it with my overeagerness#and i landed myself in a fucking psych ward#so yea i dont think i can ever try to love anyone else again it's too dangerous and im going to have to be alone for the rest of my life#and im just sitting here bitter and tired bc my sister and my cousin will always choose their boyfriends over me#im always going to be the one left behind and i just need to accept it#while theyre moving in with their boyfriends and growing up and getting to do adult things ill just be stuck living in my moms house foreve#bc i dont think ill ever get better to the point that i could have those things too
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