#bc i dont think ill ever get better to the point that i could have those things too

[ilynpilled]

jaime turning women down constantly more bc he is very monogamous and in love with someone else right now for the first time and is also kinda scared of actually having sex with someone other than cersei is sm better to me than “i respect the kg vows of chastity so intensely rn actually because i changed into a good and serious person” or whatever lol

[hauntedwoman]

it's actually so devastating that the first boy i ever loved and who loved me back was struggling with addiction and self harm and depression when we were together and like. it was never going to happen and we were never going to make it, despite my neverending hope that it would.

[witcheshollow]

If you feel the need to gift your chronically ill friends things for whatever reason, here is my "starter pack/gift guide"

A pack of their favorite gateorade flavor, great for hydration, tastes good, easy and quick. Body armor, prime, etc are also good options if they dont like gateorade

Some of their favorite powder electrolytes. Liquid IV and drip drop are some good options. There are also the generic brand electrolyte packets at Walmart, I think they taste good. There is also bouy if they like the squeezy ones, i dont but if they do bouy has an unflavored one as well as like 30 different options

Kt tape. Regular, extreme strength, cooling, heating, literally any type of kt tape. They can probably find a use for it. Most ((not all but most)) chronically ill people, at least the ones I know, suffer from some type of joint issues and kt tape is a life saver. On this vein, I would stray away from braces unless you know what joints/muscles specifically give them the most trouble, kt tape is a bit more versatile

Compression socks, there are cute ones on Amazon, Walmart, many small business sell some nice ones. I would go for a higher compression, or at least upwards of 15 mmhg, for the best chance of them being worth it

Temperature devices, im putting these in the same bullet point bc it felt unnecessary to put ice packs and heating pads in different points. Ice packs are really nice for swelling and heating pads are really good for pain. Both are a good option ALWAYS. I will say, the reusable ice packs give you a better bang for your buck than the single use crack and use ones.

Their comfort foods. A bit of an ed tw for this bullet point, but i have noticed quite a few of my fellow chronic illness sufferers deal with an ed, and while it isnt all of us, those who do probably find it a bit extra hard to eat on rough days. So comfort foods/snacks

If they have to take their blood sugar for things, lancets. They usually come in like 100 packs for really cheap, like under 5 bucks cheap. Just check to see the brand of their lancing pen before you buy them tho

Batteries, it sounds weird but stay with me. Do you know how many medical devices I have that require batteries?? MANY. My hr monitor, my glucose monitor, my blood pressure monitor- like bro, a pack of triple a batteries will mean more than you think trust

A weighted blanket/stuffie. Stuffies are cute and easy to carry around, blankets are nice when you need some extra weight

If they have a service animal, an accessory for their vest/leash/collar could be nice

One of those reacher things that grab things for you. I want one of those. When your stuck in bed, cant move, ill, in pain and suddenly drop your mother fucking phone cord off the side of your bed and now you have to MOVE and grab it- 10/10 worst experience. One of those grabby things would be amazing

A migraine cap. I got mine from target but I have seen them at Walmart, on Amazon, weirdly one on depop, some on shein, some at places like tj maxx, etc. Migraine caps are especially wonderful for those days where your shut in your room, blinds drawn, fans off, three ice packs on you in constant rotation, barely mobile and for some gods forsaken reason your blinds wont close all the way so the light keeps catching your eyes and making you want to lose your ever loving shit bc you cant move to fuck with them. And more normal experiences Im sure lmao

If your short on funds, just being there with them, listening to them, watching a movie, body doubling so they can get some help with chores, running errands with them, literally anything so they remember their a human person with human feelings that you love and care abt. Who knows, it might help you feel better too

More than anything, listening to what they want and need is a bigger gift than most think

[sillyyuserr]

ever since chapter 108 tbhk has been getting progressively worse, after reading chapter 112 i had to take an hour long lap around my room before i could write this 😭

Chapter 112 analysis/thoughts

❗️obviously, chapter 112 spoilers❗️

aoi is seemingly less popular, and the burden of that has been lifted, her and nene also being much closer.

ALSO WHAT?? Like ok lesbians

Mei’s alive, which kind of confused me because she died due to illness?? But i guess not if shes here

This page really intrigued me, not because of kou or anything but because of what aoi says

She refers to teru as “teru-kun” differing to that of what she used to call him

Which i guess means she’s close to him too

after kou runs back to the stand it shows this

Kou and mitsuba??? HE’S ALIVE?? This is literally all we get of them so i don’t have much for this part

Nene singing at the play, having a thought just at the back of her mind, thinking she was wanting someone to watch her, but not sure who

Until they’re finally done, everything’s quiet, she looks up at the crowd to see

Hanako?? Im not quite sure if he was actually there or if she was hallucinating or something but she remembered him, enough to remember his name. ALSO HE KEPT HIS PROMISE AUGH 😭💔

i dont have much to say for this because i really dont know whats going on but im interested to see what happens next w/ them

This next part especially killed me

Teru is distressed, he’s fucking devastated, he feels betrayed and hurt by the only person he’s trusted as much as he has, teru reacts impulsively when it comes to something that weakens him. akane was right when he referred to him as a little kid, he is like a child, he does not know how to control his emotions since he wasn’t taught, and sure as hell not having a mom made it worse

also his face 😭 my mans is HURT

Him not knowing if he should treat akane like a human or like a supernatural hurts me. this reminds me of the picture perfect arc with hanako and nene, akane being in hanako’s place and teru being in nene’s. akane making the decision for the greater good that he doesn’t even fully believe in, just as hanako did when he made shijima make the painting

I have so much to say about this panel its insane

The tension goes CRAZYY but also wtf

The demotion from “aoi” to “clock keeper” back to “aoi” shows he really doesnt know. Also showing he really did trust him, but now that he’s done what he did, he doesnt know how to feel about him. The “you really let me down” again suggests he didn’t at one point, and he did like him. GOSH AidaIro sleep with one eye open tonight

Akane looking worried like that shows he really did care about teru too, and what he thinks of him, i mean like look at him he looks disappointed too, but in himself

His face he feels so bad 😭😭

Teru gripping his tie like he’s onna run away 😭 my mans ur ON TOP OF HIM i think you got him

Teru looking progressively more worried/concerned as akane continues explaining whats happened

Teru’s perspective shot on the top left is painful like the rest of this chapter, him looking down at akane with a face of disbelief, as akane removed his hand from his tie, and redoes it, explaining the rest.

again, reminding me of the picture perfect arc, with the whole “be here long enough and you’ll forget your past life” with again, akane in hanako’s place and teru in nene’s

Akane says this could be a better present for Nene, and we see her initial hope of being popular come true (also taking aoi’s problem away, as stated at the beginning)

but he also says this could be a better/more preferable present for teru aswell, which makes me want to see how teru’s life changed, and what akane considered something teru would want, and what he lost to gain it. (like how nene gained popularity but lost hanako and the connections she made bcs of meeting him)

Fuck i just realized something. Akane was under the impression teru has a crush on aoi so what if he made them closer as in like dating closer SHE CALLS HIM TERU-KUN is this what akane meant by “some people might prefer this ‘present’ over the former one. could be you president.” HUUH

i have a problem with saying “this will never happen, i know it wont, and i wont even consider it” and genuinely will be under the belief that it wont, but then it fucking happens and if thats what happened here i might as well archive my acc

Back to the current topic, as a wielder of time, an important part of making this present, is making sure there is no way his memories will be replaced too, or so im guessing. He says "some" and “their” instead of "we" or “people like us” when talking about the people that will forget the old present. Meaning if akane des remember, he will be so indefinitely alone and self aware (him knowing so much more than the rest of them) and have to play along with everything. Everyone else has the comfort of forgetting, which will make it much easier to adjust, meanwhile if things stay the same, akane will be the only one to remember and will be like this for as long as they stay like that.

Which i like this new one, as mitsuba and kou can be friends without one of them literally being dead, and how aoi can be more open and is closer to nene, but if this is how it ends (obviously not this chapter but if it ends with them staying in the new present) tbhk is so fucked.

its kind of a win-lose, lose-win type of thing, but either way akane’s cooked.

Todays a rough day for everyone 😭

[yuukei-yikes]

HI!! Was reading ur post abt head cannons and hi it’s and Hiyori not driving and it made me wonder um.

For kagefuture. Did Kano ever. Make up for the whole um.. cat thing? Does he even interact with those two or does he just avoid them? Does anyone know? Or is he just taking this to the grave

DUDE I WAS JUST THINKING ABT THIS YESTERDAY!!!

Honestly i think they would Know because kano does come clean abt everything. i know it happens in novel route but kano's povs in novels really goes deep into his regret and guilt so i hc the important conversations from novel route still happen in str route, just later on. like in end route he doesn't tell kido and shintaro abt everything like in novel route, but i still feel it's important for it to happen. it means a lot 2 me that kano has that conversation with kido too so i do hc it still happens after str

SO i think maybe he would have a little chat with hibiya and hiyori as well, telling them who the cat was and why. but they're younger and meaner and also they don't know him. so they probably take it not great. they dont like, lash out at him or anything but they're like yeahhh. we do NOT trust this guy. as they grow up and maybe learn more abt him and the rest of his situation they probably cut him some slack though. like if they were to learn about how he had to pretend to be ayano's corpse both at the scene and at her funeral they'd be like. alright.... I GUESSSSS he'd be a little sick in the head. STILL MESSED UP THOUGH.

especially hiyori given she moves in with him and the rest of the tateyama siblings when she's in hs. also i feel she has the ability to see the nuance of situations and is surprisingly empathetic bc of it? mostly dislikes him for other things like chasing ayano's approval so much (cause she thinks people pleasing is lame and ayano is lamer)

but i think there's a lot of unsaid things still. just cause he came clean abt it when they were like 12 doesn't mean that stuff doesnt carry on through all their adulthoods. kano and hiyori also work a lot together. i think hiyori learns to like and care about him, they are family after all and she ends up getting attached. but neither is particularly open to these kinds of conversations. i think hibiya who i hc is studying psychology would eventually try to reopen this conversation and kano with all his years of therapy is a little like augh. fine. alright...

NOT in his current state of mind in kagefuture though. the whole shintaro and ayano thing is really messing up with his peace of mind LOL at one point in the comics ill get a little into kano's whole therapy/getting better thing too cause he's like.. really messing up his streak of being Normal and Happy. BUT YOU KNOW. EVENTUALLY. LATER. he could sit and have an adult conversation about all of this with hibiya and hiyori

[wh00pwh00p]

BASTARDS LORE WAHHH

a lot is the same, if people know previous bastards lore (the bastards are talon, heartstopper and cat scratch) the main beats are the same

- they all still hate each other for the previous reasons (those haven't changed)

- a lot of their backgrounds have stayed the same the bit that's changed is the bit in between and added a bit of padding

- world building lore I've mentioned previously about the planet and setting are also the same (sci-fi meets fantasy kinda vibes for those who don't know)

the bastards are all about desperate people doing desperate shit whether its a good decision or not (mostly not but hey-ho) luckily for these guys it kina works out, they become a mildly fucked up found family who try their very best spurred on by eachother. they arnt perfect and progress isn't linear but they try :D

tw for mentions of drugs, crime (?), abuse/super shit parents and a general warning for possibly sensitive subjects under the cut (oh god this post is ganna get banished)

one day ill make lil character profiles for each :3

(and for any who dont read further: essentially i love the special task force trope and will devour any and all morally grey characters form a found family trope stories so all are here :3 though tbh the amount of this lore ill actively post about will probably be very low bc mostly i just like playing dress up with my babys its just sometimes nice for other ppl to know if they like the characters)

Talon (he/him) - draconic species/human - talon is blind with his sight tied to his bird (rogue)

for a lack of a better way of putting it talons dad was a real peice of shit after his mum left, worst dad of the year award goes to this guy

the ranch was also essentially forced onto talon (even though talon thinks it's an absolute money pit and although he believes in the cause his dad will not let him changed how it's run and funded) along with all his dad's horrific views on the lgbtqia+ and non-human races

(context: the ranch specialises in the breeding and raising of endangered and traditional animals native to the planet though it's run as a private for profit business but talon wants to open it up as a charity)

this leads to talon internalising a lot of self hatred based on his dad's views and feeling a severe lack of control in what he can do on top of that (he's severely insecure with daddy issues)

talon turned to selling drugs to supplement income for the ranch, only ever breaking even on monthly expenses

eventually in the story he meets cyrus (a wealthy scholar they are recommended to talk to and stay with) which forces him to confront his internalised homophobia as he catches some real aggressive feelings and cyrus is helping talon through his crisis in the worst way possible :)

Cat Scratch (they/them) - cat human (?) - anger issues central

a little reminder of cat scratches lore which is staying (but won't necessarily be mentioned below): them and heartstopper were friends at one point though cat scratch felt as though heartstopper betrayed them when the guy they both loved chose heartstopper though they promised to 'stay friends' ;) (dw I'm sure that doesn't end badly for heartstopper)

little is known about cat scratches background (I'm not lazy sssshh)

cat scratch bounced homes and schools like it was a sport, never having a moment of stability in their life leading to them almost lean into it and pushing the loose cannon aspect of their personality to the extreme

cat scratch could never hold down an average job for very long after leaving the foster system, they turned to underground illegal fights and to make ends meet and made their peace with living far less than comfortably

Heartstopper (she/her) - human - shes girlbossing very close to the sun

(pretty much all heartstopper lore will be covered here)

heartstopper had a remarkably normal upbringing, loving parents, good friends, good grades, she carried on her education and won the man of her dreams..... until on the day of their wedding he was nowhere to be seen

turns out cat scratch had conspired against her to ruin her, spreading rumours of infidelity and misconduct in the work place. heartstopper was let go from her job and disowned. labelled a whore, a bitch and a liability.

but heartstopper has standards she isn't going to let go of easily

she starts blackmailing, stealing from, stalking and hacking people she has a particular distain for. (shes gaslighting, gatekeeping and girlbossing ok)

at one point she meets talon at a party, they bond over being deeply unhappy and dissatisfied with their lives however their relationship ends in a ball of flames when heartstopper points out how aggressively closeted talon is and he isn't willing to admit it.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

little do they know, theyve all been being watched (well actually heartstopper knew shes just not ganna let them know that). all their crimes are surprisingly small enough to go under the radar but gives them plenty of transferable skills.

they are all "arrested" but are given the opportunity to work for their freedom. they get freedom if they can track down a mole in the higher powers within 4 weeks.

[fmab]

ok sorry long vent post below i suppose

i had a really good day today and i have been doing better since January started and holding hope for the future. But i think being around so many friends who i love and care about and also thinking about how future happy and healthy relationships will go is making me reflect a lot on the 5 years that i was with [redacted] and literally just how fucked up so much shit he did was. And how hypocritical he was.

I've talked about it before but it was just nuts how genuinely cruel he could be despite being so insecure. Like if he was mad at someone/hated someone (no matter if it was for a good reason to hate them) for some reason fatphobia/ableism etc was on the table. despite acting like he was body positive he'd turn around and say this shit and even in a few instances even try to insult me for my weight too. Despite being so insecure about his intelligence (he was smart) he was so incredibly quick to call other people stupid/brainless etc. and yeah i guess even when we were fighting he would say that shit to me too and call me stupid. idk he was just so full of these contradictions like this. he was so cruel and constantly lashing out at me to make me leave. He expected everyone to leave him and when they didnt he would lash out violently to get them to leave because he believed he was a bad person and then used it as confirmation for why he should be alone forever when they left. I kept myself in that cycle for literal years, trying to prove to him that he wouldn't have to be alone, because i loved him and wanted to be proof that someone wouldn't leave because there is love and hope and good in the world. i wanted to be that so badly but he could not believe it and would never let himself have anything good. Why did i ever put up with that cycle of cruelty for so long.

It was always a constant uphill battle. Yeah he was recovering from trauma and deeply affected by it but the way he threw people under the bus who were also suffering and recovering from trauma is crazy. I will never forget how when we met he was very scared/wary/mistrustful of people with dissociative disorders to the point where he literally asked our friends who had did not to talk about it/their alters not to talk to him because he'd been abused by someone who had allegedly faked did. Like we literally had to hide that part of ourselves from him. And at the time, i was going through a psychotic break and deeply unstable and dealing with my own dissociative disorder's symptoms and trying to figure out what was going on. But because I was in that vulnerable position I internalized that so much that i literally became incapable of talking about my more troubling dissociative disorder symptoms with almost anyone. instead of trying to unpack those things i squished them down. And cut to a couple years later and he was literally diagnosed with DID :| All that and i still couldn't make myself take that barrier down and talk to him about that part of my mental health despite him trying to let me know i could now bc he was experiencing that shit himself. That shit has still stayed with me and permeated other parts of my life and mental health struggles even now. I still dont know how to talk about my various disorders without assuming ill make someone uncomfortable/think im faking/think im fucking crazy. idk how to talk abt my dissociative disorder shit with anyone and feel like I can only talk about my bpd with my friend of 12 years who also has bpd. and i dont even know where to begin with my psychosis.

idk i have so many good friends now and im not isolated and i feel so much genuine love and care but i feel like i was emotionally stunted after 5 years of being with that guy. For the first entire year and a half after breaking it off with him i couldn't even be there for my other friends who were suffering. id spent my every ounce of energy on him that my friends suffering just made me sad and scared like i needed to flee. i think one of the most traumatizing experiences (that happened multiple times) was when he would literally drink entire bottles of wine and be so drunk that he could not even talk, and i had to sit on the phone with him because i was absolutely terrified that he was going to die from alcohol poisoning or throw up and choke in his sleep. And i would just have to sit on the phone and listen to him scream incoherently and break things and throw up and cry harder than i have ever heard anyone cry before, because i was terrified he would die or try to kill himself and i wouldn't know. Trying to make yourself care about your friends who are suffering when the last time you invested everything you could into a relationship and it ended Like That was . incredibly hard. That recovery took so long and im finally better in that aspect, but for ages it made me feel like i had been turned into a husk of a person who was unable to help or care. I have better boundaries and i know my limits and how to help without extending myself to the point where ill be in that position. Sometimes i still do feel like a major part of me died when i left him, simply because it took So Much from me. i poured everything into that relationship. im so glad its over and id never go back but so much of me was dedicated to him that there was a huge void where it was before. there was a part of myself that was solely dedicated to trying to help him.

im not as sad as i was but its horrifying that i spent so many years with him and putting up with the horrific ways he acted and i should have cut it off sooner

[cleromancy]

Something has been bugging me recently. Do you ever notice how people (particularly Jason stans) go on about how Tim victim blame's Jason for his own death, but fail to mention how Alfred and Bruce are guilty of doing the same thing in the past? Why do these two (especially Alfred) get a pass?

LMAO LIKE... EVERYONES DONE IT. BRUCE ALFRED DICK BABS *SELINA* OF ALL PEOPLE ONE TIME... actually id have to double check that one idr exactly what she said about jason it might have just been that hes unhinged (<- also a thing everyones said at some point) but like. everyones freakin done it. or at least *implied* it.

tim is a special case for a reason though--and ill come back to bruce and alfred later--and its not just bc fandom wants a scapegoat to pin All The Victim-Blaming on. on a meta level tim was specifically created to be jasons opposite, and to ~rehabilitate the robin role and make robin palatable again to modern readers. (and to be clear this wasnt bc readers didn't like jason specifically--it was the idea of robin at all, and to a lesser extent just replacing the orig. jason just took on the mantle at a really unfortunate period in comics culture.) so the comparisons to jason are baked in right off the bat. and tim has to be "better". tim had to prove that a robin was necessary so that dc could keep having one, he had to justify it so that the blame didnt fall on bruce for getting a child killed (or yk even just out there fighting crime at all). theres also an element of class dynamics thats. i mean. jason was a homeless street kid and tims this fancy little distinctly upper middle class kid who replaces him, without derailing to get too deep into that the optics already arent fucking great.

but tims creation aside, just as far as how often it comes up... tim also takes the role of robin really seriously, and its everything to him, so he spends a lot of time thinking about it, what it means to wear the uniform & fulfil the role. so hes the one whos most frequently in the position to be thinking about jason, after bruce. so tim winds up being the one pushing the bulk of the bad/angry/impulsive robin narrative retcon dc wanted to push bc... its the most directly relevant to him. bruce doesnt have much narrative need to think about jason "failing" or not being good enough until under the red hood... except to be like "i dont have to worry about tim bc hes not like jason." lmao. and then you have tim who does not want to get killed, like jason did, so he spends time thinking about how to not end up like jason. which is a fundamental misunderstanding of how being a victim of murder works but i think understandable thing for a child replacement of another dead child to latch onto (particularly one as prone to arrogance & god-complex-itude as Our Timmy, lol). and both on a meta level and in-universe this is about shifting the blame off of bruce and onto the victim because tim needs to keep filling the role hes filling without it being bruces fault that jason died in the first place, bc reckoning with batman and child endangerment is not smth the comics had ever really planned on doing in a serious way.

but as for why singling tim out over bruce and alfred-- the kind of ppl who do this already generally think bruce sucks past the point of being interested in ~holding him accountable~ for absolutely anything... like "bruce sucks, everyone knows he sucks, enough said." i think the logic is generally like "if tims not a total shithead like bruce, then why is he doing shithead stuff like bruce does :/" and then pinning it all on tim as opposed to considering like "hey uhhh do you think maybe hearing stories about jason from bruce influences how tim thinks of jason over the years." if that makes sense

as for alfred. people do not want alfred to have any interiority or to ever have been mean or wrong bc then theyd have to actually think about the fact that bruce has a 24/7 domestic servant in his employ, which is just the. tip of the iceberg when you start thinking about alfred as a full character and not a convenient cardboard cutout to prop up whoever the narrative needs him to. also alfreds role in almost every batman narrative is strictly as support, almost no agency within the story to have a meaningful impact, and people generally respond to the character in kind.

finally i think tim mmmmight be the only character at least as of the reboot who ever talked *to jason* outloud style about certain things relating to jasons death... this answer is already getting too long so i dont want to get into depth about titans tower. but tt 2003 #29 is a great example of the comics pitting tim and jason against each other to make Jason look worse by comparison--for all that tim doesn't actually *say* anything victim blaming jason for his death, *and* for all that jason totally kicks tims ass in the fight and its not even close, on a meta level the story is 100% presenting jason as the bad robin, the robin who failed, Unlike Tim Drake, A *Good* Robin. (i accidentally reread the issue ... im going to make a post about it later probably. god i wish this fucking issue had been good)

but yeah i could probably go on and on even further but yeah, i think thats where people are coming from when they single timmy out. tim only exists at all bc of jason n would be fundamentally unrecognizable without having been crafted to be the anti-jason. and on top of that he has repeatedly been used by dc to make jason look worse (or rather jason was used to make tim look better), and a lot of my fellow jason stans understandably resent tim for it. i however am built different, and want them to kiss.

[imustbenuts]

ouggh could you please elaborate on your criticism of brave Alfonse ...I like hearing your thoughts (⁠人⁠ ⁠•͈⁠ᴗ⁠•͈⁠)

alright. so this is just a messy sloppy thought vomit essay again im so sorry in advance.

and i am salty overall about this.

in 2 words: traditional conservatism

in many many words:

ALFONSE. OPEN UP YOUR WAY CARVE YOUR OWN PATH WHAT ARE YOU DOINGGGGGG IF YOU ARE SAYING HE HAS POTENTIAL JUST. FUCKING. COMMIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU COWARDS! HAAAAAAAAAAAUGHHHHHHHHHHHHG learn from your dad's ruling policy yes but don't become your dad and carve for the affection you cannot have jfc

IN MORE WORDS

gustav is. objectively speaking, not a good father in the emotional growth department. I've mentioned and maintained by him looking like an Asian tiger parent from my pov. even if he does lay out proper foundations and maybe good hc adjacent policy for country ruling, his approach of parenting is questionable at best.

I get him operating under pressure and sickness with a limited time left to raise his son in a manner befitting of the throne but like. All sink and no swim? No proper explicit guidance? You can't just be "I want my child to meet expectations and dispense no love", that's just straight up neglect my guy. hes very much the 2 faced proud big important parent person.

realistic, but yuck.

i dont think they even have a father son moment probably ever. Henriette and Gustav have a more functional relationship bc they actually dated and had proper human interaction, but it's likely given cultural asian and high expectations context irl, his kids were treated more like objects and successors. Despite everything he might have felt and expressed behind the scenes. again, the affection is not expressed and conveyed directly enough to his kids, and alfonse being his successor means. alfonse has major daddy issues and anxiety about succeeding the throne.

So now, brave alfonse, having lost this dad and understandably craving for fatherly affection and going through it in the plot, is. you know. in the process of redefining himself. arguably is always, but now, its either he's the successor of, King Gustav the Great II or The Next King of Askr. his role as with many many other of his type are to be a signifier of a new era. thats the whole point of successors!

hes even all "ILL OPEN THE WAY". implying that something before wasnt working out and a new path must be blasted open for a better future. thats the whole theme.

But the effect of Alfonse donning his fathers armor in this case is not respect, it reeks of insecurity! again, does alfonse know his father as Gustav The Person to a reasonable degreee? if by that we mean a neglecful parent but a decent king, okay. but why is there a need to repeat this cycle by wearing from head to toe, from body language to skill 1:1 of his dad. howis this a good thing...

dude. what the hell is intsys doing. do i need to call their parents or what the hell is this conservative traditional filial pathetic nonsense. what the hell happened to all of the other fire emblems who are 5 steps more progressive than this

(granted i do find FE to be very conservative on the whole now that ive stewed in the pot of it all but thats a me thing. it could also be dependant on the writer but idk them well enough to know who does what)

and heres my ideal fucking scenario, right. not very hard. id argue just picking up gustav's mantle OR axe and then working it into a new outfit that is explicit alfonse's would be miles better and what i would want. a signifier that alfonse the character knows himself and wants to walk his own path while honoring the good parts of gustav and discarding the bad.

not this. reanimation method of almost wanting to wear his fathers' skin. as if he cant move on and stand on his feet. as if hes unsure. as if they dont want him to commit (at least not yet bc we gonna milk FEH for as much as we can). despite. all the things that have been happening.

instead of rolling with the punches the armor feels like him not doing that. it might have been an easy alt to decide on, but character wise, i dislike it a lot.

[trans-axolotl]

(Apologies this is long and rambley)

So ive been thinking on a peer-made trait-based 'diagnostic model' (not for disorders but neurodiverse traits), rather than the way the DSM and ICD do it and what that would look like and if it would be a good idea to propose as an alternative that focuses the patients unique experiences over theorized model boxes with misleading names.

Ive been growing increasingly discontent with how the ICD and DSM both categorize disorders, and the completed alternate models ive seen that already exist are not much better honestly, and worse for my specific brainfuckery. The alternate models that only focus on one section are just that- focused on one specific experience. Monotropisim as an alternate autism model can never be fully realized in the bubble it exists as a theory in. Plurality has like 50 different theory models and half of them aggressively ignore common reported experiences because they don't work with their unverified personal gnosis theory of everything, and the other half are likewise mostly incomplete. Trauma/cause-based models ignore genetic/from birth issues as a known cause of mental illness/developmental disorder and also consider everything trauma to the point of diluting the term.

I figured the best option would be to group traits by perceived experiences or related phenomena, with overlap, and the best way to do that accurately would be to make the 'diagnostic codes' combinable infinitely. (ex- a category that is 'unusual sensory experiences' with synthesia, hypo and hyper sensitivity to stimuli, needing to regulate with the sensory system (stimming) to high degrees, hallucinations of any kind, voice hearing(would also go under the plural category when consistent and personlike in presentation), visual snow, etc and each trait is a unique string of characters you can stack under the category string to create a larger string that describes your experiences quickly and concisely).

(The groupings are still all up in the air and id want to get a lot of perspective before cementing it, but I do want to put synthesia and hallucinations and visual snow all together because they are adding a Weird experience and its sensory based stuff others cannot perceive)

And then I realized that this is just the Geek Code but for neurodiversity,,

Im STILL not sure if that makes it a bad idea or not honestly.

On one hand the way the DSM and ICD are set up is NOT actually that great, and being able to shorthand a list that describes things better and doesnt pathologize people as having 'asshole liar personality disorder' or whatever would be fantastic, on the other it is also clunky, people are gonna be pissed about how I am categorizing things contrary to how the DSM and ICD group things (autism and schizophrenia and plurality are all holding hands and kissing with tongue), and it may more strongly encourage people to share very private information online via sharing their string code of every last neuroweirdness they have (which I do NOT want people doing for safety reasons).

So I just went 'hm, whos a cool antipsych person who may have more insight than I do about trying to make a peer-made description system for those who dont want to use the DSM or ICD to describe their experiences', and I thought of you, so thoughts? Is it feasible? Is it a good idea to try? I have like 500 million projects and I REALLY shouldnt add a new one of this magnitude, but I feel like its an important idea to at least float around first.

Hey anon! My answer got pretty long, so I'm going to put it under the read more.

I actually know a few people doing something like this--the founding director of Neuromancers started a project like this (not much has been happening with it lately, bc everyone is so busy with other organizing commitments and life, but if we ever get back to it i'm really excited about it. you could join the discord for Neuromancers and ask about the project if you want to join). I'm a known DSM hater and think that both the DSM and ICD and most biomedical models of mental illness as well as the "evidence based" processes of diagnosis are so fundamentally flawed, oppressive, and are in no way culturally relevant to the vast majority of people. a lot of us are still going to use that terminology as a shorthand because it's the most accessible and understandable in our current society, but that doesn't necessarily mean we all like it or agree with the way it's formulated in the DSM.

Honestly, I'm always a big fan of mad/mentally ill/neurodivergent people creating more ways of understanding ourselves and creating more resources for us to use. I think that there's never going to be one right model that works for every experience or than can encompass everyone. And I think that there's so much value in really deconstructing and dismantling the DSM--understanding exactly how disorders are currently categorized, the evidence behind it, the lack of evidence behind it, what clinicians and researchers are saying about these diagnoses, how we actually experience these diagnoses in practice, how diagnoses change through history, things like that. It can be super crucial to build our own understandings of just how these diagnoses were shaped in the first place so that we can understand what it would mean to dismantle and build alternative models that feel more affirming for us. I think your idea of trying to group more by traits rather than strict disorder criteria is something that might resonate with a lot of people!

that being said, i think that it is such a large and difficult project and also something that is almost impossible to make universal--there are so many factors going into everyone's experience with madness/mental illness/neurodivergence, and different labels are going to resonate with different people for different reasons. it's hard to predict what language or models will catch on with different people, and not all types of language or models are accessible to everyone. i guess for me i just think it can be helpful to go into projects like this without the expectations that this will necessarily be able to replace the DSM for everyone, and instead thinking more about how this can be a valuable tool for providing more options and ways of thinking about madness/mental illness/neurodivergence! even if it doesn't work for everyone or is only applicable to certain types of traits and variations, i think that this type of creation of knowledge is so, so valuable. i hope that makes sense!

some other related concepts that your ask reminded me of was @bioethicists principles of liberatory antipsychiatry. Charlie identifies the right to your own explanatory model as a key principle of liberatory antipsychiatry, and that liberatory antipsychiatry should affirm and build upon those individual models, and respect that as a way of healing. I think that's a really important insight, and to me makes a lot of sense. We all have the right to draw from our own experiences + minds, as well as use existing knowledge, science, and disability community experience in order to create alterative labels, models, and frameworks for our madness/mental illness/neurodivergence. I honestly feel like I've created my own hyperspecific model of madness for my own bodymind, and that framework has been super helpful for figuring out how to live with my madness. Idk how helpful it would be for anyone who isn't me, but having my own particular explanatory model was crucial for helping me heal.

It also reminds me of the way this really amazing peer support network for people living with schizophrenia in Japan called Bethel House, who developed a framework for radical peer support and healing. This article talks about the concept of tōjisha-kenkyū, which in English would get translated as something like "self directed diagnosis" or maybe "political education," and it seems kind of similiar to English concepts about self diagnosis.

"Self-reflection is at the heart of this practice. Tōjisha-kenkyū incorporates various forms of reflection developed in clinical methods, such as social skills training and cognitive behavioural therapy, but the reflections of a tōjisha don’t begin and end at the individual. Instead, self-reflection is always shared, becoming a form of knowledge that can be communally reflected upon and improved. At Bethel House, members found it liberating that they could define themselves as ‘producers’ of a new form of knowledge, just like the doctors and scientists who diagnosed and studied them in hospital wards. The experiential knowledge of Bethel members now forms the basis of an open and shared public domain of collective knowledge about mental health, one distributed through books, newspaper articles, documentaries and social media." (Japan's radical alternative to psychiatric diagnosis, Satsuki Ayayais and Junko Kitanaka, ).

Anyway, thought I'd share those things to sort of point you in the direction of other people thinking about madness outside of the DSM. if you end up doing any more thought or creation for this idea, def feel free to share with me! I love seeing all the ways people take apart the DSM and build our own knowledge, and would love to keep updated.

best of luck, anon!

[ssonyos]

♬ ྀི༘͏ + 𝒞𝑢𝑟𝑟ℰ𝑛𝒯 ℱ𝑎𝒱𝒪𝑟𝑖𝒯ℰ𝑠 ۇ୧

ㅤ♡ beaches - beabadoobe : thats by far my favorite song in tihtm. its that type of song that can be listened in every mood. yk when you listen to a song so good that makes you feel that nostalgia of things you've never lived? this is how i feel when i listen to beaches. and it reminds me of fake it flowers which is my favorite bea album.

ㅤ♡ cute hairstyles : these days have been SO HOT, so im trying to make cute hairstyles more often since its getting impossible to have my hair down. i only did the 'su zaizai hairstyle' because i love pigtails but they usually look so boring on me, so her hairstyle is just perfect for me. its still hard to find something that looks good on me since i have a the biggest head a human could ever have and tying my hair just emphasizes it.

ㅤ♡ igari makeup : since the start of the year ive been doing my classic 'douyin makeup' since i just know i look gorgelicious with it, but lately ive been wanting to do a more 'no makeup makeup' kind of look since im getting tired of wearing eyeliner and manga lashes. igari makeup just looks SO GOOD on everyone BUT ME, i look greasy and stinky for some unknown reason. but im a baddie and baddies never give up so ill keed on trying to make this work.

ㅤ♡ strangers - proderics : UGHHH THIS SONGGG. it just itches my brain. its the perfect balance between my cutie silly teenage girl side and my shoegaze 13 year old boy side. this song was made for me.

ㅤ♡ time n place - kero kero bonito : im obsessed with the whole kkb discography btw. this album remind me of such a good time im my life but at the same time idk what im talking about bc i truly dont even remember listening to this before, just a few songs like only acting and flyway. it reminds me of my sister, which is the person that got me into kkb so maybe thats why i think this album is so cool. fun fact time: that i was supposed to go to a kkb concert in 2020 but then covid showed up and said nuh uh 😞😞 it would've been amazing.

ㅤ♡ nail art : i did my nails recently and they just look super duper cute. it made me realize how much i like making cute drawings on my nails, and even weeks before i did them i still find myself admiring them. i only like doing my nails if im doing small tiny things on it, i hate when my nails are basic and boring.

ㅤ♡ cybersigilism : my sister got her first tattoo and i am just obsessed with it. idk if it could be called cybersigilism but because of it i started thinking about how cool this style is and how much i want to learn how to draw like this. im trying but im really not good at it 🫥 but at least im trying, i guess that's a good thing!

ㅤ♡ kaomojis : i LooOooOoOOooOve kaomojis! they're constantly im my mind, just there, existing. at this point its just part of my personality. i have cute kaomojis in my nails rn and i really want kaomoji tattoos (or maybe ascii art but i like kaomojis more).

ㅤ♡ apples : this started slowly in 2024 when my dad started buying green apples and i realized they're so much better than red apples, now i only eat green apples. then the whole world copied me and got obsessed with apples too. everything happened so fast, i just know that now its all i can think about. im getting genuinely concerned, i draw apples everywhere possible and everytime i see an apple my day gets better. i think i love it so much because it remind me of yves and how delicious green apples are 🥸 it just make me happy.

[kozykricket]

big minecraft & terraria thoughtdump

just gonna say, exploration/basing/traversal/whatever in minecraft is a complex topic, because of how many differing views there are on how much travel should even be necessary and its really freakin hard to think about in an INFINITE WORLD as well. big random thought dump time

like i think terraria does the gameplay of exploration better than minecraft ever has or will do it, and thats fine its just because of what terrarias designed after

ah right i have an idea for a post on me having maybe possibly figured out why i like when terraria makes me go on sidequests to biomes vs i dont like when mc does that (its probably mostly bc i view terraria as an exploration game, and also most of the rewards are just relevant to the core gameplay loop, and. well. its a careful balance. locking some qol behind certain things is cool, but sometimes its too much. either way i know vanilla terraria does it greatly) anyways, i think minecrafts in a weird spot but . i do think more unique ore, animal, and hostile mob distribution in biomes... would help increase the desire for players to do stuff outside of just their home base. to actually have more wildly different biomes with outposts at them especially if like, crops grew faster or animals had shorter breeding cooldowns in the "right" biomes but the issue there is like. god i dont care how nice it can be to make paths, i am NOT making infrastructure to anywhere further than like 300 blocks away from my general base area. that'd just get a bit frustrating but also minecrafts kinda. for that? its made for that? idk i also feel like i have a lot i could say on When Tedium is Good vs When Its Bad in games i play a lotta tedious games but theyre like, enjoyable tedium . then theres adding qol to reduce that Fun Tedium is kinda... saddening (calamity m od reference) but adding qol to reduce tedium that really isnt interesting gameplay to anyone is like, yea thats good so i think qol is a careful thing to balance but i think mc needs more qol tbhh. stuff like how we got editing signs in 1.20

um. what else... i just think like. minecraft exploration is weird because ill see something really cool thats far away and itll be like "woah! thats so cool (imagines building something awesome there) well anyways. never gonna come back here" and sometimes the world can get kinda repetitive to the point you just Run Through it. not really any small interesting things to grab along a journey. its gotta either be a significant structure you end up finding (which can end up being either a giant big side adventure which is cool but. i might not wanna commit to that. or its just a desert temple aka a 1 minute excursion where like, why did i even have to do any of this) i think terraria underground exploration nails it with more stuff than just ores, like life crystals and simple cabins with loot. they feel nice to find but then again. i dont wanna ALSO overanalyze whyi love terraria. ive already done that for minecraft and its both a blessing and a curse ill just say i love npc happiness, i love exploration, i love everything terraria has. except master mode and i love many things in minecraft, but i will always be a birdnester. i want to bring everything home with me. even though i think the game should prooobably design around reducing birdnesting just because like, the modern game is Definitely designed around exploration clearly ...i could make a whole post on the differences of the Vibes and Goals of modern mc vs old mc kinda tempted to wonder how many things id change about modern mc to keep all of its features but make it feel like old mc in a way. like, okay, i'd make stuff like frogs and sniffers far less animated. id make things in general feel less intentionally designed.. this post is long. im just gonna stop it here

[etherealspacejelly]

my parents dont get my autism or my transness or my aroaceness

they dont get that im not trying to be rude or selfish or whatever but they think i am

they dont get dysphoria

they keep asking me if i have crushes or a boyfreind

they dont get that if the foods bad ill refuse to eat it

they dont get sensory issues or food issues

they dont get that the internet is a safer place to talk about my emotions than they ever will be

they dont get how much effort i put into trying to be normal for them

they dont get anthing

they keep trying to force me to spend time with them playing board/card games which i hate and they know i hate

they keep messing up my pronouns

one of my dads "insprational" speeches was your not flat, you'll never be flat so give up.

when i first came out my mum said "why cant you just be a lesbian instead of nonbinary or whatever?"

they say i cant call myself trans bc i don't want to be a boy

they dont get how much periods suck even tho they dont hurt

theres probably more but i cant remember it rn

any advice would be helpful

maybe ill run away and live somewhere better for me but i can think of a place

hey anon. unfortunately im not sure how to help you with the autism or aroace stuff myself, even though i am aroace and autistic my mum doesnt really understand either of those and i havent been able to reach that point yet. we have just taken to not talking about it, which is much easier now that i have moved out.

however! i do have something for you that might help! i made a powerpoint about transness for my mum that did help to convince her that being trans is a real and valid thing to be.

i cant link to it on here because it would reveal my full name publicly but you can just make your own! i included facts about the percentage of trans kids that experience anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts, and how gender affirming care significantly lowers those numbers. all of this was taken from the trevor project website!

i also included some stuff about transgender people across history and in different cultures.

i finished it off with a slide about the transgender genocide currently taking place in america and spreading to the UK.

you could make versions of these for autism and aspec people too!

im very sorry that you are experiencing so much invalidation and misunderstanding from your family, i understand how that feels. i hope this technique can help you to teach them a bit about your identities. most of the time when people say mean things about an identity, it is simply because they are misinformed. getting angry and upset is perfectly understandable, but it may make them feel even more antagonised and justified in their bigotry. explaining things to them calmly and simply, with graphs, diagrams, and real data can work wonders.

good luck!

[lawboyao3]

im just giving an update since its been like 6 months

i havent worked on the story at all n i dont see that changing. i cant write at all or rly do anything. i actually mean that im not mentally capable. i dont have the mental or emotional energy to really do anything, so if i try to write or do any of my former hobbies, i either literally cant think at all, or i immediately get stressed and exhausted and ragequit. i havent forced myself to write bc im not a masochist, but when ive forced myself to draw its always just made me miserable, yielded dogshit results, and ruined my day. i cant think at the level i used to, or do anything at the level i used to. my brain has kind of rotted in my skull and turned me useless.

so what ive been doing is sitting around boredly every day waiting to see if my brain repairs itself. which i have no clue if it ever will or not. but by this time next year ill graduate and have to get a fulltime job, and when that happens ill never be able to do anything again. i didnt have the energy for a full workday even when my brain worked. i could barely do a single thing besides working or sleeping. so next year my life will be over and i dont think ill ever be able to write again.

even if my brain gets better ill still be too slow at writing n take months to finish a single chapter. so unless a miracle happens or i get rich and hire a ghostwriter i feel like things wont work out. im not abandoning the story yet just in case, but if i do then ill post the full notes for the rest of the story so there is an ending. at this point i really just wish someone else would write it for me. i dont even want to write. it feels like torture 99% of the time and u have to rewrite everything 900 times just to make it not shit, not even actually good just not shit. its so horrible that the only reason i want this story finished is so ill never have to write again

[tmasc-confessions]

(same anon as before) i cant help but suspect that mine aren't being posted because i complain about my fellow trans mascs and how they treat me + others in the trans community. i know i cant see all the submissions you wade through but lots of confessions getting posted are complaining about either cis people or transfems, to about the same degree that mine are critiquing transmascs. nothing inherently wrong with posting those of course. im just getting a feeling about it because it seems disproportionate. some of mine were submitted weeks ago and never posted so its not because im not giving you enough time.

i do not mention discourse or any of the terms you guys dislike in my submitted vents. theyre about transmascs because we are the majority on trans tumblr AND in the queer spaces ive been to irl, so it just happens that most of the trans people ive interacted with are transmasculine. i definitely dont at any point imply that behaviour has anything to do with identity. but there is bad behaviour within our own community that i think needs to be pointed out.

this is turning into another vent, but ive felt alienated my entire life because im a gay immigrant. too gay for my own people, but not western enough in my beliefs/values/actions (or whatever it is people want from me) for american queers. and i feel like i cant talk about that problem because the americans always take it as an insult and get defensive on me. my vents being ignored here is feeling similar but i know that at least some of it is me projecting, since i cant see your inbox myself. idk. i could be wrong.

you published my one vent where i complained about people equating fandom discourse with actual oppression, and told me not to speak over people... maybe it was a misunderstanding, but i just meant that theres a key difference between something online that upsets you but ultimately doesnt matter, and systemic transphobia. it wasnt specifically about confessions on this blog, just general tumblr spaces. i dont think im wrong for pointing this out and wanting to focus on real problems. i know part of it is my phrasing, i have never been "nice enough" by western standards (and folks from my culture think im Too Nice which makes me creepy and weird to them lol) and i promise im trying to be better at that.

it seems to me that theres a drive on this blog and throughout our community overall to validate every negative feeling a trans guy ever has, and i get why, but sometimes its impossible to validate everyone (e.g. you didnt validate my upset in the posted vent because that would invalidate the guys I'm complaining about). but to me, it is insulting to imply that seeing a strangers gender headcanon is anywhere near the same as experiencing systemic transphobia so now *i* feel talked over. like i just keep getting told not to talk about whats bothering me bc other people cant handle it?? i really want a space where i can vent out these feelings and i was hoping to do so here. you dont owe me the space of course, but thats what i was looking for.

i apologise for the length but i hope that gave more context. just to be clear im not assuming the mods here are american, all that is just about personal experience irl. i will be patient for your response (or you can publish this as just a vent and no comments). 🐯 ill start using this tiger emoji if i send any more so you know its me

Well, yes, on a vent blog there is a drive to hear everybody out. Of course. That’s how a vent blog works.

And yes… of course systemic oppression is a billion times worse than headcanons online. Nobody’s putting that in question. I 100% agree with you.

But the purpose of this blog isn’t “tell me the biggest darkest most horrible thing that bothers you”, it’s just “hey, rant about whatever you want no matter how big or small it may be because we wanna provide a space for transmascs to feel comfortable saying what’s on their minds without being scrutinised by the community at large.”

So when you send asks saying what is basically the intercommunity equivalent of “it makes me angry that my friends complain about their lunch in the school cafeteria because there are children starving in third world countries”, then you understand why we would find them a little unreasonable, no?

Nobody’s trying to minimise your struggles or put them on the same level as more trivial things like that. That’s not the purpose of this blog. But if it genuinely makes you uncomfortable to see people venting about headcanons or representation or whatever, then this probably isn’t the blog for you, and I’m genuinely sorry… We try to hear people out about their issues and the things that bother them. Yes, even if it’s something silly like “I got the girl’s toy at McDonalds and that made me dysphoric.”

You are free to send your rants and vents as long as they are not at the expense of other’s rants and vents. You wanna vent about oppression? I actively encourage it. But there is no reason to drag other people’s vents, no matter how invalid you might think they are, into it.

Also, no, neither of us are from the USA. Neither of us speak English as a first language at all, actually, I’ve just just gotten good with it by using the internet. And I think 🦚 did the same.

[moodr1ng]

i dont think ive ever seen people talk specifically about how mentally ill trans people can be barred from transitioning medically on the basis of (certain stigmatized) mental illnesses.

during my mandatory 2 years of therapy before i could start medical transition through one of frances public "transsexualism care" units, where you are evaluated over and over by a psychiatrist to make sure you are "actually trans" or transitioning for "the right reasons", among questions like "do you want to be a man because youre trying to be with someone whos only attracted to men?", one of the things the psychiatrist clarified would 100% bar me from transition would be a diagnosis of schizophrenia or another schizo-spectrum disorder. if i admitted to being diagnosed with such a disorder, that would be an immediate "you will not be prescribed hormones or access surgery", as a rule.

luckily, at the time of this appointment i wasnt diagnosed with schizoaffective bipolar yet and so i truthfully said i had no such diagnosis. when i did get diagnosed a year later i was also lucky that the mental health facility i was in did not communicate this with my transsexualism care unit. so i still got to transition. but if, for example, my psychosis had been diagnosed earlier, like if i had gotten better mental health care to begin with, i would not have been allowed to transition through the public channels for it, despite how my disorder did not and does not impact my desire for transition whatsoever.

i met a trans woman in the waiting room of this same psychiatrist, there for the same reasons as i was: trying to get on hrt and have transition surgeries. she was diagnosed with a psychotic disorder. she had been undergoing these psychiatric evaluations for 6 years in this unit and had never been allowed to access transition because of her disorder. i never saw her again; i dont know if she ever got there.

these "public" units in france, of which there are only a small number (thats why i have to travel to paris for my transition needs and every appointment related to my transition), are generally regarded as dysfunctional and fucked up, but if you jump through their hoops long enough, eventually you can get to a point where by default you qualify and are accepted for every transition-related surgery for the rest of your life, and these surgeries are fully covered by social security, so the most you may pay out of pockets is a couple hundred euros for the hospital room, if that. on top of this, instead of having to look up surgeons, research their work to make sure theyre competent, make your own arrangements for every surgery, and likely pay quite a bit out of pocket, public units already have surgeons on-hand who youll immediately be redirected to.

so if youre, say, a very mentally ill person with neurodevelopmental conditions, for whom having look for doctors, endocrinologists, surgeons etc on your own is a very difficult task, and who also doesnt have the means to pay for surgeries and cant get those means bc youre on disability benefits, public units might be the most accessible choice. but if one of those disabling conditions you have is schizophrenia? well, youre a bit fucked.