#then i realise that the 'vibe' she had was different compared to other friends/girls i knew at the time

[syrinq]

in this one i'm collecting air for my girlfriend

aka syrinq should post dreamlog things when she gets them so she doesn't get a backlog for 3+ months to catch up with. but i also prefer to do everything in 1 go so it's all done and over with, but the minus of that is that i put everything off & it then takes one Full Day to complete said Task. sigh. i can never win at life

anyway.

last night i had a dream about going to some pool/wrestling class to cheer on my Imaginary Dream Girlfriend, because she wanted to try out something new

we get to some resort and there's a queue, so we wait patiently in the courtyard by sitting around, hanging about, reading magazines together and having lunch etc. etc. this takes several hours because this was an extremely popular class with an extremely long fucking queue. sigh. at least the environment was cool & looked something like this

it goes from afternoon to sunset. the queue shortens by a lot but we're still waiting. my gf gets unwell and suddenly faints. awesome. i'm fucking panicking, there's several maori/similar culture people around. they're either renting rooms there or they actually lived there (leaning towards the latter).

there's one lady called Bug who knows how to treat my gf. she says all people around have to perform a certain breathing technique by pinching their nose. if enough people did this, it'd change the chemicals in the air (or something like that) & send idk a brain signal so she'd wake up.

unfortunately for me, there's not enough people around to try this. so we gotta 'recruit' people around the resort and outsider friends to help out, like we're asking the entire world to aid goku's spirit bomb or whatever. so there's eventually mario & gang (luigi, toads, princesses). other disney princesses and characters. maybe sprinkle some other game characters in there idk and it was like this for me

and it's still not enough people. god fucking damn my gf has a fucking disease or something. Bug says we still need a few more people. we're like 2 short. so i mention that we can still call in goofy the janitor & bowser. everyone PROTESTS HEAVILY at the idea of bowser coming around, because, you know, bowser.

i tell them he's actually chill and won't pull anything freaky if it's for a life-or-death situation. like he's my friend (yeah fine i'm okay with that). everyone then reluctantly agrees and i call up the real bowser and goofy the janitor. bowser's there practically immediately, sunbathing until the last person's here. i notice cracks are forming in the architecture around us, and the weather is getting weird. i can only hope the Lord And Saviour Goofy the Janitor arrives soon

then the POV shifts. i am witnessing goofy the janitor in his janitor van, that looks colourful like the mystery machine. he's racing chaotically on a highway that's falling apart rapidly, thanks to the surrounding environment that's getting worse by the second. there's heavy rain and a dark thunderstorm going on. cyclones are appearing on sea in the distance. there's ginormous water spheres rising from the seas, that are covered by an electrical shield like it's a fucking plasma ball. it's protecting what's growing inside- phallic alien monsters (that really just look like khezu monster hunter) that grow out of blue sperm cells the size of giraffes. so you can only imagine how big the final beast is

so, you know, world is obviously falling apart due to reasons unknown. goofy has to fucking gta it across high way gaps and whatever to nearly crash land into the resort courtyard.

FINALLY GOD DAMN HE'S HERE we all do the breathing technique in an extremely rushed manner. my gf FINALLY WAKES UP THANK GOD I'M NO LONGER WORRIED but now we have to deal with *hand gesture to outside* world falling apart.

so we fetch rubber boats, because the resort just has these and we're conveniently next to a sea, and we open the door to the inside of the resort. it's been destroyed and morphed, and it pretty much looks like a danger slide downhill. we split up in teams and get into the boats to go down.

[icycream24]

Silver and Espio for the ask meme? :>

hehehe my favs hehee🤤🤤🤤

SILVER:

I think most ppl don't know, but I used to really dislike Silver when I was first introduced to this character online. Not a game, no no, but YouTube AMV vids of this dude with cutesy shippy art of Silvaze. His portrayal was so degraded to me (I was 11 at that time?) that I believed he was a self-insert character for some popular artists to ship themselves with Blaze, in the girl-boss dynamic. Ofc, I looked for more info online and realised Silver was an actual character.

At that time I was playing Sonic Riders Zero Gravity and only unlocked Shadow/Rouge/Cream. After knowing what characters were avaliable, I tried my best to unlock the rest, including Silver. I also did not like his voice in English at that time, so much that I decided to switch the voice-overs to Japanese. And I also did not like it 😂 Not because it was grading! But more like, I was shocked by the drastic difference between the two. Kid me had to decide which portrayal I prefer more (ofc not aware of narrative difference of the scripts, I just chose based on my preference) and ended up with Japanese bc I vibe with the calm seriousness in the voice more. Eventually I did get used to both voices after more exposure of this character, watching playthrough videos online.

Talking about watching 06, I was not expecting him to be so different from my first impression of this "whiny/incapable/loser" kid. Silver actually was serious about fighting for his future, like a dedicated soldier. Blaze was *not* the girl-boss, she was on equal grounds with Silver. (Really... I was like 11/12, now that I think about it, how come ppl's comprehension skills so drastically apart that we can get totally different character interpretations?) I started to find charming traits on Silver, and that was when I started looking up for this character's info more & more.

And then I discovered the Rivals series. I watched the whole thing, 1&2, and this Espio character... Wait they're kinda nice tgt. (it was year 2012?? AAAAA I can't believe I'm still insane about Espilver/Silvespio, they're my sons now at this point 😭✨) I remember using Skype and talked about the ✨chemistry✨ between Silver & Espio, and my friend said I was tripping 😭

Anyway here's Espio:

At that time I didn't have that much knowledge on Espio, I just thought their Eng voice in Heroes sounded like he's dying in a few years with how gruff & grandpa it sounded LOL. Mostly I only draw him with Silver bc I realised no one shipped these two back then. (there was ppl but there was no tags for them) So I felt like, no, impossible. I need to COOK for them! So I started shipping them like FedEx with my limited skills 🥴

My Espio appriciation was mainly started by shipping him with Silver. As I reflect on why I enjoy this ship so much, I dug up traits that I like about Espio. He was helpful, supportive, and overall has a rather peaceful way of communicating with others (aka SILVER hhh). Compared to other characters, especially in Rivals, he was really chill and kept his head clear, and unconditionally aided Silver simply bc he knew he was helping someone with a good cause. Such admirable traits that I'd say are pretty rare even irl.

Still, Espio did not have that much screen time. His portrayal in my mind I do admit was half canon, half fanon. Silly ninja with goofy teammates that values teamwork & is capable of aiding others, plus saint-like patience & wisdom. (Haha...really, a lot of his traits are get from Rivals 2, his ways of interacting with individuals was way more informative than games & anime shows combined 🤧)

But yeah, with time I like these 2 characters even more, started to make all kinds of headcanons that I won't be able to elaborate here. The texts are already getting too long here 😂 I've imagined them, either tgt or separately, in fluff/angst/spice/AU/wholesome/dead dove/anything really bc I just enjoy these two so much 💕

It's kinda selfish to say, but with how little Espilver there was during that time, it was almost like they got a clean slate & I was not swayed by any other ppl's interpretation of these two for a few years. And ofc by time these two surely became my favorite characters. LOL I realised in my busy years of not drawing often, Silver & Espio were the only characters I drew 😂

UGGGHHHAA I love these two sm 😭✨ thanks for asking hahah I wanna talk about them all day 🤧✨

[citylawns]

i'm so sorry to be one of the ppl asking for advice on physical appearance topics, but i'm wondering if you could give me insights on how i should stay firm in my self-confidence when i'm constantly being compared to someone else. i'm grateful to have a stylish mother (who is my muse) but it does hurt that ppl always HAVE to compare us (my mom has the typical model look; i'm just 'plain') & how clothes fit on us. i use fashion as self-appreciation & expression but now i feel limited in some way.

continuing from the last question, lots of ppl have literally told me word by word that i'm "so unlucky to have not gotten my mother's genes, what a waste!". as events like this piled up over the past several years, my self-image is destroyed. went to loads of therapy but felt like i was overreacting & all of them told me 'why does that matter?'. i too just want to be respected. now i just wear things that cover my body :/ maybe i'm the problem, but just in need of contradiction or assurance

I am sorry because I think I’ve failed to get through to you every single time I’ve answered these questions before.

I’m just repeating myself now saying “stand up for yourself” and “de-centre beauty from your life through friends and art etc”. I know it’s harder than it sounds and you’re in a really bad environment if people are saying that stuff to you and your mother doesn’t defend you. that’s disgusting. As soon as you can get away from those people and get away from your mother you should do so. It’s psychological damage, I know you say she’s your muse and hopefully she’s nicer to you in other ways but lots of women like being in competition with their daughters and that’s the vibe I’m getting from your message. Or she may not even realise. So question then: does your mother ever build up your self esteem and tell you how amazing you are in other ways? Does she see how the comparison destroys you? Does she tell these people to shut the fuck up? Could you ever confide in her and be comforted?

I rarely see my mum because of the things she’s done and said to me and my siblings and it’s taken years but every second I was away from her I felt myself getting happier and healthier.

I truly keep trying to point you in the direction of people, videos, concepts, politics, advice that will help you that you can explore yourself but it’s in your hands to take action and decide what is best for you, whether this resonates and helps or not. You don’t have to listen to a word I have said but I’m answering the same question over and over and over.

I get that my advice is probably not helpful in any way because this is not something I’ve experienced. But I have endured self hatred and low self esteem, I know you can’t just brush it off like it’s not made an impact, it will do and obviously has done. So maybe you just need to keep feeling that hurt until it you can verbally stand up for yourself, make art out of the experience, write about the experience, connect with other people about the experience, and leave to find a better place where people appreciate you.

That’s what I did when I was younger, for different reasons but I was def considered the unattractive weird girl at school. after I was abused by my boyfriend and my friends turned against me in favour of him I had a mental breakdown, was cutting myself, punching myself, trying to wrap cords around my neck to end my life, I’ve struggled with self hatred so deep I’ve tried to end my life and destroy myself in so many ways because I was convinced I was bad and worthless by my mother, my ex boyfriend, all of my friends, and all the teachers and other students at my school who didn’t reach out. I barely survived but I did and things slowly got better when I left that environment and started going to gigs regularly and festivals and meeting a new group of people including the next boyfriend who I spent 4 years with.

Hopefully this is a phase of your life that you just have to survive. Hang in there ❤️

[lesausageperson]

new superthings oc for my au!!!

I wanted to make a good villain that would both fit in-universe, but also feel like something new and interesting — and dangerous.

these were my initial ideas. I went in with absolutely no idea of what she would be like, except for that I wanted her to be a girl, and for her design to be surprising in the context of the au. my sister suggested a fur scarf and I thought that was perfect.

these were my next thoughts. I wasn't sure how I would make a living fur scarf, let alone one that had an air of deviousness and malevolence.

upon talking with my friend and my sister about it, we thought that the head-in-mouth approach was best. we also wanted her to have a sort of wine aunt vibe lol.

the one on the right is the one I went with in the end! I thought the more evil look for the fur head made more sense for her, and the mask looked better with a more angular shape.

so, I give you... Conadger!

I realise that my handwriting sucks, so I'll write out her bio here too:

she decided that the other villains weren't doing a good enough job and took matters into her own hands!

smart and sneaky, she perfectly plans her actions and executes with the utmost detail. with her meticulous planning and secretive nature, conadger makes for a formidable enemy.

both the heroes and the villains are her rivals. her plot to take over the heroes' HQ may have fallen flat, but the villains' hideout was a different story. now with a solid base to think out new schemes, will the heroes be able to hold fast — even with the support of the villains on their side?

(end)

I really like how she turned out and I'm excited to mark out how this au will go.

although, I've been told that some of my designs for characters are too scary... I personally don't see it, if I'm honest. this au is supposed to be indulgently edgy and over-the-top, so some of the designs will be a bit unsettling compared to... well... compared to canon. in which the characters look like This.

I might tone a bit of it down though. I may be one of the only fans of superthings on tumblr, but I do have some standards when it comes to my fanmade stuff. low, low standards, but I swear they're there. probably.

anyway! thanks for reading this long-as-all-hell post.

here's the blank version of conadger for all your colouring needs!

[hqshine]

—Realising their feelings for you—

characters: Nishinoya, Tsukishima, suga

genre: angst to fluff?

type: headcanon

extras: wrote this cause i was in my angst feels guys, it’s raining what a mood. Anyways i’ve already seen all the requests and it’s gonna come slowly sorry ^^ Also i’m thinking about creating a tag list, if you’re interested please drop a message!

The two of you were close friends

both mature yet childish and stubborn at the same time

you’ve always felt differently with suga

sure he was your go to friend for any of your troubles and you’ve shared secrets with him that it almost felt like he was more of a best friend

but your heart always skipped a beat around him

he was always welcome to physical affection

When the team has movie nights, they would invite their unofficial member, you

during movies, suga would hold your hand or hug your waist loosely while you slept on his chest

which always made your heart flutter and you couldn’t even focus on the movie infront of you

but you’ve always known that Suga never felt the same that you did

He’d always tell you about a girl from this other class

She was pretty, smart, mature, reliable, kind

he would say

you’ve always kept quiet about your feelings, even giving him advice when he consulted you about confessing to her

One morning, suga came up to you. “I finally asked her out” he smiled brightly

your smile dropped and your heart raced

we’re you hearing him correctly

yes, you’ve always known that one day he was going to find someone

even her

but you just

didn’t expect it

“She said yes, Y E S y/n. God i’m so happy” suga exclaimed

his smile was the only thing that kept you from breaking down in class

“i’m happy for you Suga, last long” that was the last sentence you said to him

it’s been a few weeks, close to a month now

you knew avoiding him was...immature

but listening to him ramble about her, was gut wrenching

you saw them a few times, walking down the hallway, in her classroom

Suga tried reaching out to you but never did you meet his eyes once in the past few weeks

but recently your phone has been buzzing more than ever

it’s been irritating you and you’ve hardly touched it after suga started dating her

you sighed once more as another notification was sent in, telling you that you missed someone’s call and that they left you a voice mail

you opened up your phone and your eyes widened at all the messages from Suga

you played his most recent recording

“Hey y/n i know we aren’t exactly talking now...well s-she wasn’t exactly honest. I guess to her using me to make her ex jealous was such a great idea. I-i’m sorry that i’m the reason we haven’t been talking much. Ah, i-i also heard from someone about your—your feelings for me and i know this isn’t the best way to tell you, but i’ve been thinking a lot about it. I missed you these past few weeks. A lot. more than you can ever imagine. I missed your smile, your rambles about the lasted mangas you’ve been reading about, your homemade bentos you shared with me, your laugh, everything. You know what this wasn’t a good idea—i bet you won’t even talk to me after this. I’m sorry for not seeing it before, that the girl i really liked. Was you”

Your eyes widened as your phone slipped from your hand

his voice was shaky and it was obvious that he had been crying but, his message was still clear as day

You ran, all the way to his house

“C-come out” you panted into the call

“Y/n—y/n? wha?” suga said as you heard shuffling in the background

he quickly exited, and met with you

Your hair was messy, you were sweating in your hoodie and pajamas pants but you were still gorgeous, how he had never looked at you clearly before he would never understand

Suga immediately wrapped his arms around you and nuzzled into your shoulder

“I-in your voicemail, is it really true, do you really like me?” you asked him softly, your eyes welling up with tears

Suga looked up from your shoulder and and hugged your cheeks with his palms

“I know, i know it hasn’t been long since i dated her. But please give me a chance, please wait a little longer” he pleaded

You wrapped your arms around his neck, bringing him close

“I will” you whispered

“Kiyoko-senpai, you’re so gorgeous as usual” Nishinoya exclaimed along with Tanaka, both following her around like a puppy

You bit your lip, looking down at your sketchbook instead to distract yourself from the pain

Harbouring feelings for the second year libero hasn’t been easy

Constantly hearing him compliment other girls, comparing yourself, new insecurities

you didn’t understand why you liked him to be very honest

but you were also lying to yourself

His energy, his comfortable vibe, his smile and his eyes made you fall head over heels with Nishinoya

“Y/n-chan, what’re you drawing today?” he shouted, coming up to you

“i’m not sure yet Noya-kun” The two of you were best friends since you two were young

He defended you against middle school bullies and the two of you have been inseparable ever since

You realised your feelings for him after coming into High school

which was when his crush for your senpai began

You had nothing against Kiyoko-senpai, she actually gave you some advice and helped you several times with your homework

but, it wasn’t nice hearing him compliment her, as selfish as it sounded, you wanted on of his compliments to be directed to you

After training, You and Nishinoya walked back home together since the two of you lived near each other

“Yuu?” you asked him as he hummed in reply

Your heart pounded, “c-can i tell you something”

it was now or never you thought.

He nodded and focused on what you were going to say, “I liked you since we entered high school”

Nishinoya’s eyes widened and he stopped in his tracks

you looked down, twiddling with your fingers

“i know you like Kiyoko-senpai, but it was something i just had to tell you because i didn’t want to risk our friendship.” you flashed a fake smile to him

“don’t worry, i never expected you to return my feelings. this won’t change anything, i promise. So, you can still continue to like senpai” you mumbled, feeling the tears pooling at your eyes

The whole time, Nishinoya didn’t say anything

his mouth was agape but he just couldn’t find the right words

you sighed, and walked away not before saying, “Have a nice holiday noya-kun” flashing him a fake smile

he could see your tears and he noticed your smile that was different

Nishinoya stood there, thinking about what you just said.

he closed his eyes and the memory of your tear stained face filled him with guilt

he knew he couldn’t return your feelings but, why did he feel so sad when you said “nothing is going to change”

The break wasn’t very, enjoyable

you worked different part time jobs while Nishinoya attended trainings

the amount of times he let the ball from the opposite team his the ground was uncountable

he could barely focus and he just stared as the ball hit the ground for the tenth time

everyone groaned, noticing how their libero wasn’t paying attention

he had even stopped giving out compliments to the beautiful manager during that time

the only thing on his mind was you

training ended early that day, as they wrapped up and Nishinoya apologised for not doing well

you blew out a breath of smoke as you stared at the christmas tree infront of you

It was huge and reminded you of the joyous occasion that was arriving

Usually, you and Nishinoya would be playing at the park, having snowball fights, making angels and snowmans, and falling sick together later on

You haven’t spoken to him since that day, because of your busy schedule and his trainings

You hid your hands in your pocket, noticing how cold it was

“Y/n” a familiar voice called out to you

You turned around to widen your eyes at the sight of Nishinoya slightly panting and in his training clothes

“N-noya? What’re you doing here, aren’t you cold?” he shook his head

taking out his gloves and reaching for your hand

“You always forget your gloves don’t you, ever since middle school” he slightly laughed at the memories

“i don’t like them, they aren’t comfy” you pouted and looked away

Nishinoya held your hands, “Y/n” you looked back at him

“it hasn’t been the same. Now everyday has been boring, distracting because i keep thinking about you.” he said

“i know i’ve always expressed my ‘love’ for Kiyoko-senpai, but the person that i really love is you” your eyes widen yet again. You shook your head

“No Noya, she’s perfect, good grades, the best looks, reliable, mature, kind? Why would you like me when you have her” you said sadly

“Kind, loyal, fierce, immature, stubborn, adorable, caring, beautiful, intelligent” he began listing

“Y/n, i love you and not because you’re perfect, you have qualities that make you, you. Qualities that i love about you. Most importantly, you’re you. The girl i had a crush on since middle school, since you offered me that star wars bandage after i defended you. I’m sorry for not realising it sooner, but please, let me make it up to you” Nishinoya said

his showed his desperation and his voice expressed his love for you

“of course, and i love you too yuu”

You were always by his side

you’d greet him good morning at the lockers and even sent him home

Tsukishima hated it

he found you annoying

like a leech he can’t get rid of no matter what

you didn’t know how exactly did you fall deeply for the cold beanpole but you certainly liked him a lot

from his honey blonde hair, his taste in music, his intelligence, sassy comments and precious rare smiles

you’ve always tried to get him to notice you, making him bentos, reaching school early to greet him and even following him home after his trainings

one day

“Tsukki, i like you, would you please go out with me?” you confessed to him. Your blush could not get any redder as you bowed

Tsukishima scoffed

“with you? seriously?” your hopes fell as you stood up but looked away

“i would rather date the king rather than you. You’re annoying and if i could get rid of you, i would’ve done it earlier” he spit out

each word stabbing you deep in the heart

he turned around and left

you glanced at the macarons you made for him and the letter that you had written

they were all dinosaur themed, hoping to gain more of his attention

You were crying by then

he really thought you were nothing but someone annoying

From that day on, you hardly spoke to him

Everyday tsukishima would turn up expecting to see your face again, but you were no where to be found

in the beginning, he was satisfied, realising he was able to chase you away. But slowly, he realised how disappointed he felt when he didn’t hear you greeting him and the sight of your adorable smile adorning your face

he realised he finally chased you away

now he walks home alone, whenever he turns around unconsciously you weren’t there, he could only feel your presence in his memories

“Tsukki wait for me!”

“Good morning Tsukki, i made you some cookies today”

Tsukishima sighed as he packed up his books, he was too lazy to buy his food at the cafeteria and you didn’t prepare anything for him so he could only starve till school was over

“Tsukki i heard some boy asked Y/n out” this gained Tsukishima’s attention as Yamaguchi returned from the vending machine with drinks

“i was buying the drinks when i overheard them” yamaguchi said

tsukishima didn’t do anything except for opening his drink

“tsukki you should talk to Y/n” yamaguchi advised. “She hasn’t been herself lately and the whole class feels it too”

Tsukishima took a sip of his drink

“Tsukki, are you okay with some other guy taking care of her?” Yamaguchi questioned him

that was what made tsukishima put down his drink

jealousy was all he felt

he didn’t like the thought of someone else making you smile, making you laugh. What if you left forever? for another guy?

Tsukishima immediately left to find you and dragged you away from the guy

“what are yo-?” you exclaimed as tsukishima slammed you against the lockers and placing his hand next to the locker beside you

“i take it back” he said

You were confused, “i missed you, i realised my true feelings when i didn’t have you. I need you, please give me a chance. i like you Y/n” he says

you smiled as you hesitantly wrapped your arms around him

“One chance”

[littlemixnet]

Jade Thirlwall on Little Mix babies, learning the art of self-love & her first foray into the world of beauty.

As she releases an astrology-inspired eyeshadow palette with Beauty Bay. “I suppose I've got quite a hectic life – or had quite a hectic life, before lockdown," Jade reflects as we chat on the phone one (surprisingly) chilly end-of-September morning. “But lockdown gave everyone a chance to reflect and think about their priorities – and so I’ve come out of that experience with even more of a drive and more of an ambition to achieve all of the things that I want.” Outside of music? For 28-year-old Jade Thirlwall – one third of record-breaking girl band Little Mix – making moves in the beauty industry sits high on that list of priorities. “Whenever we do videos, I’m always the one that sends mood boards to the makeup artist and I’m like, ‘Ohhh we should try this look and we should do this eye,'" she laughs. So teaming up with Beauty Bay to release a 42-pan eyeshadow palette inspired by her passion for crystals, spirituality and astrology (who knew?) seemed like a natural step. "I knew that together we could create my dream palette, something which my fans can use to create out of this world of lewks.” Speaking from her London apartment, Jade is relaxed, open and oozing with passion – for her life in Little Mix, her personal life and her upcoming beauty ventures alike. And not to mention: very happy the weather is turning, so she can roll-out her autumn-appropriate palette on post-lockdown nights out, pronto. “I’m a Northern winter girl. I like the cold. I like feeling snuggly. Yeah. Summer is not my vibe to be honest.” I love beauty – always have done from a very early age. This is a bit of a throwback, but I did a makeup course at college back in the day, so I’ve always had a love for makeup throughout the years. I think Little Mix have tried every single thing you can think of when it comes to different looks and trends. I think it’s known amongst my fans particularly that I love experimenting with colour. And I love the whole glam of it all and all the different eyeshadows. Every time I do a shoot or a video it’s a chance to do a different look – and I’m very versatile when it comes to that. So yeah, it felt like once me and Beauty Bay started working together, they are known for doing the best palettes, so it seemed right. Over the past couple of years especially, me and the girls have started delving into more of the things that we’re individually passionate about or into whilst working together, and it has been really lovely. We’re obviously really supportive of each other’s ventures, and I suppose it gives the fans more of a chance to see what we’re into ourselves. And it gives people that don’t really know a lot about Little Mix or about us individually, it gives those people a chance to be like oh, actually… so Jade is into this sort of thing and Leigh likes this sort of thing and Perrie is into that and… yeah. It has been lovely, and I suppose the last sort of year and a half has given us all a chance to reflect and think about the things we want to do on our own as well as in a group. I’m at a point now in my life that I’m definitely so comfortable in my own skin. I know exactly what works for me. I’m not afraid to try new things and experiment with colour and stuff like that. I think as someone who loves art and stuff in general as well it just sort of lends itself well. It's an art form to me, makeup, and expressing yourself that way is really amazing. So it felt really right [to collaborate on an eyeshadow palette with Beauty Bay]. I suppose lockdown – it has given everyone a chance to gain a better perspective of all the things that they're into. The best version of myself in terms of makeup is just elevating my natural beauty. I think everyone should do that! I think when I first started out in Little Mix and as a teenager, makeup was worn as a mask to cover who I really was, if that makes sense. And as I’ve got older, I’ve realised that it isn’t a mask; makeup is more of an expression of who you actually are, and it’s not to cover yourself up. It’s to elevate yourself. And so, now, whenever I do a look, I don’t tend to cake it on as much as I used to. I do things that accentuate my features already and don’t try and hide it. I think my go-to makeup on a night out or something is just a classic bronze-y beautiful eye. That’s my go-to because it suits my skin tone and I feel like nobody can go wrong with a lovely golden bronze-y eye. And that’s definitely in the palette. I think this palette was an opportunity to show everyone a bit more about myself that may be they didn’t know – like my love for crystals and healing crystals; my spirituality which is definitely something I’ve become more and more passionate about over the past few years. I needed something that kept me grounded and kept me well, mentally and physically. And so, spirituality became a part of that and I’m obsessed with crystals. My mam is obsessed with crystals and so that was one of the first thoughts when making the palette was incorporating all of that. And so, that’s kind of the original inspiration. I feel like the palette – it was important for me to have something for everyone, because I’m well aware that some people don’t like experimenting too much or some people love having loads of fun. So when I agreed to do this with Beauty Bay, I wanted to make sure it catered to every kind of person and every different skin tone. No matter how much you want to be adventurous or not, it’s all in there. I always have crystals with me wherever I am. Certain ones are catered to certain aspects of your life or what you need in that moment. I’ve labelled a couple of shades in the palette after my favourite ones – tourmaline is my favourite, which wards off any negativity. I think no matter how much people believe in it or not, just from a psychological perspective, for me, it’s all about grounding yourself. I think it’s really important to get rid of any negative energy and constantly keep the positive coming in. I suppose I don’t really have a specific religion so I use that as a means to believe in something greater than me and that works for me. There have definitely been a lot of changes in my life recently. A lot has happened. Obviously me and the girls are a three – two of the girls have just had babies so there's been a lot of change in my life. I’ve met someone, fallen in love, and all of that soppy stuff, so – yeah! It definitely feels like, more than ever, a lot has been happening all at once. But it’s so exciting and as we’ve said before, lockdown gave everyone a chance to reflect and think about their priorities and think about things they really want to focus on. I’ve come out of that experience with even more of a drive and more of an ambition to achieve all of the things that I want to achieve and be there more for my family and friends – and obviously go out more and wear more makeup! 'Cos I’ve spent a year and a half in the flat with nothing on and lounging around so it has been nice to start glamming up again. The other girls are loving being new mums, honestly they’ve taken to it so well. I always knew they’d be great mams, I went to see Leigh last week and met the twins who are so beautiful, they just slept the whole time – but you know what, it was so weird because all I’ve ever known is being round the girls and it being us and just us. And for the first time it's actually dawning on us that they’ve had children – actually seeing them there in front of us, like they’re real; it wasn’t a prop. I feel like because of all the music videos we’ve been doing with them pregnant, I don’t know why but in my head I kind of just didn’t think it was real or like – every time we’d been doing a music video we’d base it around their pregnancies, so every character we’d play in a music video would revolve around them being pregnant as well so it was almost like a fun little act that we were doing. So seeing Leigh and seeing the babies was like, “Oh, they’re here and they’re perfect and you’re a mum now and you’ve got to do this.” But I’m so proud of them and they smashed the pregnancies. They were absolute Queens, working hard – and they had each other which I suppose really helped them. It’s amazing. I am hoping to see Perrie soon and be the best Auntie I can be. I’ve never thought about comparing myself - it’s not me, it’s everybody else. It’s other people around me that try and put that pressure on me, I don’t know if being in a group dynamic has may be meant that I’ve got used to comparison and so it doesn’t effect me as much. Everyone’s in different places in their life and sometimes it’s assumed that I should feel, ‘cos I’m a woman, that I’m behind and I should feel a certain type of way that I’m not at that point in my life yet… But I’m so unbelievably proud of where I am at in my life and what I’ve achieved and my career. I’ve got an amazing boyfriend, I’ve got amazing friends and family, and I’m a businesswoman –why would I feel left out?! But it's interesting… like every interview it gets asked like “Are you feeling broody?”, and I’m like “No, hun! Are you?! Do you want me to ask you if you want to have a child or children?". Like, it’s quite a personal question, isn’t it? So it has felt a bit invasive at times… I think that everyone moves at different paces and I’m happy with mine. If my beauty cabinet was on fire, there are three things I'd save. Obviously I’m going to say the palette because I’ve put far too much work into that to let it burn, so that has got to come with us. I feel so proud looking at it – when I see Jade on top of it and I open it and it’s all shades that I’ve named and it’s all colours that I like – there’s no way I’m letting that go up in flames. So that’s coming with us. Then I’d say maybe just a classic nude lip, I’d have to grab. Because I feel like if you’re having a no makeup day, as long as you’ve got a bit of a nude lip on and nothing else, you’re sorted – do you know what I mean? And then finally… third product… may be a brow brush? Which I never thought I’d say but brows are so big now aren’t they, hun? They’re a priority. As long as they’re brushed up and they’re all in the right place then we’re good. X-Factor Jade would've saved three very different makeup products. A fuchsia pink lip, a massive lash… and, what else… brows just weren’t a thing to me then it’s so wild to me like the change in trends and stuff… maybe a lip gloss or something? But I mean, back then, especially for us girls, I think makeup artists got so excited at the thought of a new girl band that anything went. It was just throw anything on our faces and hope for the best at that point. It was a hot mess. But it was also of that time, like pop stars were really doing the most – like you had Katy Perry… it was all really colourful wasn’t it? Nicki Minaj… all these artists who were doing like really bright bold makeup looks and the eye colour would be very different to the lip… and y’know we’d have feathers on our eyelashes. It really was throwing the kitchen sink in so we’ve definitely learnt to mellow down over the years for sure. In ten years time, I’d like to still be performing with the girls. We’ll be doing something together. I’ll have built more of my empire. Maybe more beauty things and more other things I’m into like art and my businesses up North. As it stands, every year I get older I get more confident in myself so I’d like to imagine in ten years time I’ll be at a place where literally no body is going to affect me when it comes to self-love. And maybe I’d be helping to support another girl band by that point as well. It’s getting a bit lonely out here. We need more. So, yeah – I’ll be helping flying the flag there, I suppose.

[couchpotatoaniki]

One Year ❣︎ One: Holidays Aren’t For Drama

Chapter Summary: San has finally found you after five years of searching, and he wants you for himself--though not knowing how to do it just yet. In the meantime, you’re having fun hanging out with a friend on the plane to Jeju.

Pairing: Mafia!San x Fem!Reader Genre: Mafia AU, fluff, angst, eventual smut, lotta crack and stupid shit ngl Chapter warnings: swearing, stalking Word count: 1.2k+ A 365 Days parody

Previous: Prologue For the rest of the series, click here

Speech in bold means they’re talking in Korean

Speech in italics is whatever the reader wants their native langue to be that’s not Korean or English

Speech without either means they’re talking in English

You were glad that you were sat next to Yunho on the plane since you needed good vibes that your boyfriend couldn’t really give you. Too sucked up in his own life, which make him the worst person to sit next to Yeosang.

Thankfully, Dominic was terrified of the boy so he was silently scrolling through his phone. That left Mingi to annoy poor Seonghwa the whole trip.

“Oh, you bitch,” Yunho mumbled, picking up four cards from the deck beside him. To pass the time, you and the tall boy decided to play a game of Uno. 

Chuckling, you threw down a yellow 2. effectively ending the round. “You know, for someone of your profession, you’re really shit at cards.”

“Maybe because I’m playing against your devious ass.”

“You love my devious ass, don’t lie.” Scoffing, he gathered the cards and began to shuffle them before you ripped them from his hands. “Oh hell no. I know for a fact you’re gonna rig it.”

“I tried last time, and you still won,” he huffed, running a hand through his sandy blonde hair before using the other to take the deck again.

Yunho wasn’t really your friend to begin with. More so Mingi’s, but that had not stopped the two of you becoming just as close. Seonghwa and Yeosang too; you had meet them through the sweet-hearted boy, and all three had quickly become an addition to your short list of loved ones.

In fact, out of the six of you, Dominic was the odd one out.

He didn’t know the secrets you shared, the things you did without his knowledge. Nothing that would directly harm your relationship, no.

To add to that, the five of you were like a family, looking out for each other, and the boys weren’t very font of the guy you had chosen to date.

Then again, compared to the last one, Dominic was much better.

Every year, the boys and you had decided to treat this time as a holiday away  from the all the work you do, to treat yourselves for living another year. So you all splurged out and did something big.

How you chose the destination was fairly simple; one of you would throw a dart at a map of the world--blindfolded, obviously--and wherever it landed, you all went there.

It’s what led to the fun cruise in the Pacific the previous trip, and this part of Korea for this current one.

Though, Jeju was one of the places on your bucket list. You were more than excited to go and sight-see. Already, you do plenty of that for your job but never really get the chance to stop and pay attention.

To relax with friends and have fun.

You were going to Jeju for leisure purposes.

San was going to Jeju for you.

Yes, he was originally going there for work, to deal with a bit of business that had gone awry. But then he saw you, quickly crossing the road, from his vehicle.

Decided to follow you, see where you were going and with whom.

At first, he was a little pissed to know that you were travelling with five men, you being the only woman. Most likely scenario, one of them was your boyfriend.

But that information had no longer mattered, because you were going to Jeju. On the same flight as him.

San didn’t like to admit in believing in fate, but if that wasn’t it, he didn’t know what would be.

Hongjoong--who was stood beside him in the middle of the airport by now--was concerned over his strange behaviour. Even the slightest shift that seemed out of the ordinary, he immediately became suspicious.

That’s why San knew it was stupid to try and lie to him.

When he pointed out to you, telling him to look, it only took the older boy a few seconds for him clock on. “You’re shitting me...”

“I’m not, Joong. She’s here. She’s really here.”

“San,” the now-blue-haired boy began, trying not to draw any unnecessary attention, “look at me. You can’t. It was five years ago, and not to mention, you’re already with--”

Shoving his hands off his shoulders, the mafia boss glared at his second-in-command. “You don’t even like Dae anyway!”

No, Hongjoong hated that crazy woman to his very core. She was bad for his friend, but the boy was too caught up in filling the hole you somehow managed to carve to even care.

Had it been any other, the short man would have let San do his thing, but his current girlfriend was one of the heirs to a rather big mafia herself. Being with her involved politics, and being with her for nearly five years brought more trouble than you were worth.

But Hongjoong knew that San wouldn’t listen to him. Not when he’s like this.

The only thing he could do now was damage control.

The two males--San mainly--had stalked the six of you, deducing who meant what to you. Didn’t like how cosy you were with either of them, but specifically disliked the guy who had his hand wrapped around your waist.

Then there was the other guy, one of the really tall ones, with black hair--streaks of green and grey running through it--and a loud voice. Party animal, the two thought. He was particularly close to you too, sending playful hits that were definitely reciprocated. Hopefully, he was just a friend...

The other tall guy--the blonde one, with puppy-like eyes--seemed more reserved yet somehow still as energetic.

Next tallest was s black-haired fella. Clean and lean--smart-looking, with soft (but somehow sharp) eyes.

Finally, the last guy. The one who rarely spoke, with a silvery grey mullet that surprisingly complimented his pale skin. There was something about him that Hongjoong couldn’t pin down. Something familiar...

The most obvious odd thing was how you and your supposed ‘boyfriend’ were of a different ethnicity to the other four. Confirmed when the two men overheard you speaking in a completely different language neither of them were used to.

“Fuckin’ language barrier,” San grunted as he realised there was yet another obstacle in his way.

“Fuckin’ good-lookin’ people,” Hongjoong laughed, scanning the six of you.

Being in business class was usually a comfortable experience, but right now was the most excruciating thing possible for both of them. San constantly bombarded the elder with questions and worries about you.

Couldn’t even send Hongjoong back there since his newly-dyed electric blue hair would have captured too much attention. “What’s the point of you if I can’t even get you to spy on people,” the younger huffed. “Dye your hair back to black when we get to the villa.”

“Oh, shut up,” Hongjoong spat with gritted teeth, already beyond annoyed with the man’s behaviour. “That’s not even my job. And you come at me with having unusual hair, but you look like Frankenstein’s Bride with that lock of white with the rest being black.”

Groaning, San looked at the entrance of the business area, hoping for some other miracle to occur and you would peer out. Desperation filled him, wanting to see you again. Etch your newer features into his mind once more.

“Who do you think those other guys were? Her boyfriend’s friends? Her friends? Colleagues?”

“Probably her friends, since they all seemed pretty close to her.”

“Ugh.” San buried his face in his hands, still not liking the sound of that.

“It’s the 21st century, dude. Girls can be friends with guys--and that girl is friends with those guys. Get used to it.”

“Don’t wanna,” San mumbled, puffing out his cheeks as Hongjoong narrowed his eyes at his tantrum.

“Listen, dude, you can’t confine and control her. Doing that’s only gonna push her away--if you’re actually serious in pursuing her.”

“Of course I’m serious!”

“Then you need to plan this out carefully. And you need to think of it fast, since I doubt they’ll be in Jeju for long."

The younger male scoffed, running his tongue against the inside of his cheek as his confidence grew and cogs in his brain began moving. “Don’t worry, I’ll definitely come up with something.”

Sighing, Hongjoong looked out of the window, into the peaceful, empty ocean they flew above. What exactly had he done?

☕︎ Tag list: @little-precious-baby​ , @sparklychangbin​ ,

[bleh-bleh-blehs]

Paps and Cafes [T.H x Reader]

A/N- so hey I am back with my shitty fics. This is low-key based on my friend’s life and thanks to her for letting me write it down (only she knows what is the truth and what’s not). Anyways feel free to ignore:)

Summary- Is there any difference between being stressed at home than being stress at a cafe? Yes there is. You can put a show for others but in your case a certain someone came in for your aid. 

Warning- None 

Word Count- 1.6k

Life was not easy. Not as easy as you thought it would be. No one prepared you for the taxes, rent and bills. And literally no one told you how hard doing a job can be. Your salary was nothing compared to the hard work you did; the stress you took. 

You had no fun at all. Either you were too tired to go out and have a night out with your friends or you did extra office work for a bonus. Just like now. You are sitting in an outdoor cafe doing your office’s work when you could have been enjoying this weekend by relaxing. 

Why were you here?

Because you thought that it would be a good idea. You thought that it would refresh your mind, better than stupid small aparment. But guess what it wasn’t. 

You were still stressed. The people around were either on a date or were with their friends or family. Practically radiating good vibes. You tried not to stare at them but the task in our hand almost made you cry. 

Reaching out for the file beside the plate of donut; accidentally knocking the plate over. But you were too overwhelmed to care. Tightly clutching the file, tears of frustration evident in your eyes. It was getting too much now. 

“Come on Tess. We don't eat food off the floor. I am really sorry for your donut. Do you want me to buy you a new one?” the person asked. 

Looking up you saw a man wearing sunglasses and a baseball cap with hoodie on. You simply nodded your head in a no, wiping some tears away. “It’s okay. I don’t mind at all.” you gave a weak smile. Honestly you have lost your appetite. You just eat because it is necessary. 

“Can I ask if it was a chocolate donut? The man asked. 

“No, it was a plain one.” the man took the seat in front of you, taking off his glasses. “I know that this is none of my business but are you okay?” 

“Would you believe me if i said that I am.” 

“No. I just know that you are stressed because look at your table. All this stuff is giving me a headache so…. I think you should just wrap it up to clear your mind. And I don't wanna hear any excuse. okay? ” he didn’t press the matter further. He definitely doesn’t know what is going on in your life. All he knows is that he isn’t gonna leave you like this. 

You wanted to argue but it is not like anyone is this friendly to you on a daily basis. And a little walk wouldn’t harm. 

*

“You know what you should quit that job. I mean you don’t deserve being treated like that” tom said as he took the last bite of his ice cream. You still couldn’t believe that Tom Holland,the famous and successful actor, the heartthrob of almost all of the girls was talking to you.

He listened to you rant about your almost pathetic life and even bought you your favourite ice cream. 

You were of course shocked when you realised who he was despite him telling that he is a normal person like everyone else. He also squeezed your hand to reassure you that this is not a dream; that he is actually here. 

Both of you talked about your lives, likes and dislikes, hobbies. Only the basic stuff. You told him about your low salary job, your evil boss and your not so friendly coworkers. Your love life which was near to extinction. And about your parents who desperately wanted you to get settled.

“It’s not that easy Tom. I am looking for another job but I don’t know when I will find one. At least this job pays enough for food and shelter.” you told him or more like convinced yourself. 

Silence fell between you both until Tessa whimpered. She was obviously tired from the long walk and it was getting cold and windy as the sun started to set. “I guess this is where we part.” you said softly. Praying that this moment never ends. But of course that was not gonna happen. 

“Yeah.” he gave you a soft smile. And you were sure that you were giving the heart eyes. Making a fool of yourself as usual. 

“Oww!” 

“What? What happened?” 

“I got something in my eye.” you were hopelessly trying to get whatever the hell was in your eye out. “Wait a moment. Let me see.” Tom’s large hands cup your face while you get a hold on his arms out of instinct. 

“Ow! Ow! Ow!” it felt weird as his finger touched your eyeball. “Stop moving. You are making this harder than it already is!” you stopped fidgeting instantly. 

“There you go.” Tom backed away from you as you tried to blink away the uneasy feeling. “Let’s walk you home shall we?” Tom said as he picked very tired Tessa from the ground and carried her as if she was a toddler. 

“You don’t have to.” he just smiled. “I want to.” never in million years you thought that a top notch actor will walk you to your apartment. 

“I am sorry if I am intruding but I can’t believe you are not dating somebody and you just gave up on your friends. Is your job really worth it?” he asked with genuine curiosity.

“I am single by my choice not because of my job. My last relationship didn’t end well. She cheated on me and my “friends” took her side except my coworker Andy. I have got trust issues since then.” you explained him. 

“I am so sorry” he felt guilty to make you remember your relationship again. 

“Don’t be. I did go on a date once; the guy gave me a judgy look as soon as I told him that I am a bisexual. I mean do nice people just stop existing or what?” you huffed in annoyance. 

Meanwhile Tom was trying to process everything in his brain. He was actually starting to like you and was worried that you won’t feel the same way for him since you were into girls. But he heard word ‘bisexual’ his worries vanished. There is nothing stopping him from taking you on a date. 

Tom was smiling to himself until he heard the shutter of the camera went off. That could be only one thing. 

Paparazzi

Tom spotted two people not so far from them. Tessa tried to wiggle out of Tom’s arms but he didn’t let her. “Y/N hold my arm and keep up with my pace. The paps are here.” you immediately started to look up for them.  

“No Y/N don’t look for them!” Tom whisper yelled. 

The two of you walked as fast as you could. Taking the subway to go to your house. You and Tom stood close to each other, completely aware that someone recognised Tom and snuck some pictures of you both. 

Tessa whimpered again and again; the poor baby was too uncomfortable. You scratched her head to soothe her as she laid her head on Tom’s shoulder. While Tom was giving you heart eyes. 

You sighed in relief as you reached your apartment. The whole day has been a roller coaster ride for you. Tom and Tessa followed you behind you. Tessa quickly jumped on your couch, closing her eyes, trying to get some rest. 

“Do you want something to eat or drink?” you asked Tom. “No I am fine.” Tom said as he took a seat beside Tessa. 

“I didn’t really get to enjoy that cafe though.” Tom wondered out loud. “Don’t worry, there many more cafes in the neighbourhood. You can visit them sometime.” You were walking around your apartment, trying to clean it as much as you could. It’s not like you are visited by a celebrity daily. 

“I don’t know, maybe you can show me around sometime?” you freezed at your spot. Was Tom Holland asking you on a date. You were freaking out. You are just imagining things right? 

“Do you agree with me, darling?” he smirked. How dare him to say that! “It’s alright if you don’t. I mean I totally understand if you don’t want to. I am so sorry because of the paps. I didn’t know that they would find us. I am so sorry Y/N.” he started to ramble. Becoming that adorable sweet bean instantly.

“Oh my god Tom it’s alright. Not the Paparazzi part but I am grateful that Tessa ate my donut and that relieved my stress. I really needed someone like you. I don’t know what we can do about paps, they will just give more stress. But I felt better when you were with me.” Tom gave you that million dollar smile that everybody dies on. 

“I wanna kiss you so bad right now.” he confessed. 

“What’s stopping you then.” 

“No, not before I take you on an actual date.” he grinded. “Which cafe do you want to show me first, Donut?” 

“Donut?” you asked him while trying to control your laugh. “Yes donut. What’s so wrong with donut. It’s my nickname for you.” your smile became more wide than before. 

“Then what do you want me to call you? Ice cream?” 

“Yes?” he gave you a puzzled look. Not sure if he wanted to be called ‘ice cream’. And a thought came to your mind. “You don’t have any problem with me being bisexual?” you asked him. “Why would I? I mean it's not my place to judge or have a problem with it, now is it?” you smiled at his answer, already falling hard for this man.

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[whitetrashjj]

“I love Pope for the most part but he is a very flawed character- which I think needs to be acknowledged by a lot more by his fans. I go back and forth on him because of these things but it’s also very evident to see when people hate on Pope because of his genuine character flaws and the people who just have internalised racism.”

what flaws? you keep saying pope has flaws, pope stans see through his flaws, the things he’s done wrong… what flaws? can you please list them for us? i’m not even trying to be rude i’m genuinely confused

Okay so I know you’ve been eagerly waiting on the edge of your seat to hear my thoughts on this so I’ve finally got to it. But thank you so for your patience and realising that I don’t actually owe you a response.

Before we start let me state once again, as you’ll chose to ignore this. I don’t hate Pope, I loved him for the first half of the series, that’s the Pope that I like to think of, that’s the Pope that I write in my fics. Then he did some stuff that did not sit right with me, I haven’t completely written him off but I do think that how he’s written in s2 will have a big impact on my opinion.

I’m gonna try and take this in chronological order. So well start with 2x7. This isn’t a big one for me but just something about it didn’t feel right.

So we all know JJ stealing that money wasn’t a great choice. I really wish the rest of the pogues tried to actually understand is reasons rather than jump down his throat and assume he was just being impulsive JJ. So when JJ appealed to Pope about it, points out that JJ had just confessed to a felony, took a beating and now owes $30, 000 and possibly could face time served, and is basically just saying I did that for you can you just try and be on my side here. Pope just goes ‘I’m gonna pay you back. I didn’t ask you to do that’ which I just did not vibe with. It felt like saying ‘well you chose to do that so if I pay back the money I don’t owe you anything’. It completely ignores all the other massive effects it’s had on his life and as if Pope eventually being able to pay JJ back doesn’t eliminate the fact that he owes that money now.

No, it’s not gonna make me hate Pope forever but I just didn’t like that reaction.

So then we have ep 8 and Kie and Pope’s fight on the HMS Pogue. The ‘why is it always about John B?’ which is just ridiculous. Why is it about John B? Because he’s just stormed off in a rage with a gun to confront his father's murderer? Like he could be either getting murdered himself or doing some murdering and while I understand Pope is under a lot of pressure about his scholarship those two situations just aren’t comparable. He also then goes on to call her a shitty friend that only cares about John B and wouldn’t care about him or JJ if they were in that situation but then justifies that by bringing up a situation where she wasn’t there for John B. Which makes no sense? It essentially proves that she’s in a different place now than she was then, in which she wasn’t there for John B - a reason why she is so active in wanting to be there for him now - so the fact that she is now proves that her actions then don’t speak to who she is now post-kook year.

That bring us to what really annoyed me about that fight. Pope throwing Kie’s kook year back in her face simply cause he was jealous and mad that Kie wasn’t giving him the same attention she was giving JB. Like, at a really low point she confided in Pope how bad the Kook Academy was for her, told him that she was suicidal and that Sarah was her only beacon of hope only to drop her without question and turning her into the pariah of the school. And what does he do, uses it to antagise her because he’s not happy. I don’t love that Kie pushed him her but damn can you blame her? She told her friend something she had struggled with alone for so long and he just uses it against her like that. I don’t understand how you can be that cruel to someone you supposedly love. 

Ah, yes the love confession scene. Now even if we ignore how bad the timing was - and act like being high was a justifiable excuse. Let’s talk about the fact that he wouldn’t take no for an answer. I’ve seen Kie get so much hate for how harsh she was but she tried to let him down easy but he just kept pushing and pushing. Insisting that her reasons weren’t good enough as if she needed a reason other than she just doesn’t see him that way.

Now, of course Pope is allowed to be upset by this, but there is a difference between being upset and the friendzone incel nice guys finish last bullshit that Pope pulled. The acting rude and cold and distant towards her like she wronged him. He was angry at her for not feeling the same way and acted like it was her fault and her problem. The revving of the bike scene will never not make my blood boil, she’s trying to approach him as a friend, talk to him and work things out. He could of told her that he needs some time, that he was upset and hurt but no he shows a complete lack of respect for her and literally silences her. It makes me think about that post that goes ‘men like to talk about how much it sucks to be friendzoned. But what about the hurt of thinking you had a friend only to find out they were only nice to you cause they wanted to fuck you.’ It’s understandable he would be upset but he dealt with that situation so poorly - almost in the way that a flawed character would. 

And then to end it all - now this isn’t Pope’s fault I know - our straight white men in the writers room reward him for treating Kie like that with getting the girl. I don’t know a single girl that would change her mind because of that. It was gross and I hated every second of it. 

I don’t hate Pope, but those we’re shitty things. And yes even if he had his reasons, even if he got mad and acted irrationally, they are still shitty things and that’s okay. He’s a flawed character who acted wrong in a situation, because he’s not perfect - and admitting that doesn’t mean you can’t still love him with your whole heart. 

[thrillridesz]

This is completely unnecessary and completely dumb but as an avid fan of six of crows, I’m going to assign a crow + shadow and bone character to my moots today for no particular reason other than the fact I feel like it. (if you haven’t already read Leigh Bardugo’s six of crows duology, what are you doing. I haven’t yet read S&B so I’ll base it completely off the Netflix show.)

!NO SPOILERS! (So rest assured)

+ also consider this a love letter to y’all.

[My moots as SoC crows + Shadow and Bone characters]

Kaz Brekker - @timextoxhajima

Resourceful, ingenious and cunning - these are all words that describe Ketterdam’s infamous ‘Dirtyhands’. Having single-handedly led the Crow Club to its esteemed, notorious status in the Barrel in a matter of a few short years, this man is shrewd and nothing can get past him. Determined in everything he does and well-prepared for any obstacles that stand in his way, Kaz Brekker is a crook to be well-respected, valued and feared. 

Just like Kaz, I think Dana is a very clever person and I’ve never really seen her break a sweat over anything even when under intense pressure. She’s strong and very dedicated to everything she does which is super admirable. I feel like both Kaz and Dana give me the vibes that if they’re around, everything will be fine because they are able to handle anything thrown in their way.

Inej Ghafa - @sunqnyu

Inej, for a wraith, is probably one of the characters with the strongest moral compass I’ve ever seen in a book about a heist. She is kind, sensitive and merciful. When she’s after something she really wants, she doesn’t hold back and charges ahead (and she's great at what she does) but will never hurt others on her way there. Inej is a crow that cares about the people around her, especially the ones she loves, sometimes putting their own needs above her own. 

To me, Bella and Inej have a lot in common when it comes to their kind personalities and ability to see the good in everyone. They don’t treat people differently and are never mean to others. They may be soft hearted at times but can also be some of the most headstrong, competent people. Sometimes, I read SoC again and think of the similarities between Bella and Inej. It's uncanny.

Jesper Fahey - @yangyanghater

The best way to describe Jesper, the sharpshooter would be that of a volatile, crackling firecracker. Restless, full of chaotic energy and teasing, this man has a silver tongue and can quite literally chat his way either into trouble or out of. He lives on adrenaline rushes and when you talk to Jesper, you never know what you’re going to get. Laughter would be a good bet.

Cal and Jesper should just be twins at this point. Seriously, when it came to Jesper, I was just immediately like ‘Ok, Cal. No doubt about it.’ They both radiate such chaotic energy, I HAD TO. The sarcasm that they both have are one of a kind and I think talking to Cal would be very much like talking to Jesper. You always feel excited or intrigued. 

Nina Zenik - @moonsunwoojoong

A Grisha heartrender, Nina does more than practice the small sciences and is able to quite literally charm others just by being herself! She is confident, witty and very strong at heart. Never one to care about what others have to say about her, she expresses herself freely and openly. Her flirtatious wiles endear to everyone and she is truly a people’s person. Loyal to a fault, Nina never leaves her own people in a rut.

Amber and Nina... God, they would make an amazing pair. I feel like they would both sort of ‘get’ each other? Like they would both understand each other because of how similar their views are. Amber gives me very confident, segcy vibes just like Nina does and like Nina, Amber’s loyalty and softness for her ‘own people’ (like friends, family) is super endearing. 

Matthias Helvar - @berrysungie

Matthias was my favourite character in the SoC duology when I was first reading it, and he still is. Courageous and protective of those he loves, this Drüskelle will stop at nothing to defend those he considers dear to his heart from any danger out there even if it meant putting himself in harm’s way. He is a fighter, noble and though frigid and misunderstood at times, he only truly loosens up around his loved ones and will never, ever betray his allegiances.

Daisy and Matthias are both FIGHTERS. They never give up without a fight and firmly stand by their beliefs but are also very open to new opinions and are in no way, close-minded. They both strike me as very noble people and not gonna lie, sometimes I’m intimidated by Daisy as I am when I read about Matthias sometimes. It’s like they’re both so cool and I’m a potato.

Alina Starkov - @nyuwings​

Alina is upright, inquisitive and brave. We’re talking about a girl who chooses to face almost imminent death for the sake of a close friend. She may be naive at first but she learns quickly and she learns well. When she puts her heart into something, she excels at it. At the end of the day, no matter what happens, her loyalties are firm and she knows her rights from her wrongs. Willing to learn from her mistakes, that’s what makes the Sun Summoner so great compared to the other Grishas who are largely blinded by their own egos.

Elle always gave me main character vibes, I swear. Especially when we’re talking about main characters like Alina Starkov. When I talk to her, I sometimes feel like she has this untouchable, special aura? Like I want to tell her everything and I trust her. Like Alina, she's got a good head on her shoulders and I’m not sure honestly... Could it be the ‘Chosen One’ vibes?

Wylan Van Eck - @lsangyeons

Another gravely misunderstood character. Wylan is first seen as timid, afraid and constantly underestimated. Yet, what hides beneath this facade is an intelligent, tenacious soul. He is polite, considerate and full of good mannerisms despite being a part of the Dregs which honestly should have taken all of that from him but somehow they didn’t. Very kind and friendly, one should not take this sweet persona as something to be picked on because this man can quite literally blow your minds.

Yu and Wylan are to me both very overlooked. Not enough people appreciate them and it sucks because they deserve SO MUCH. They are the people that everyone takes for granted. They do not choose to make themselves known or try to take the spotlight away from their friends, but rather choose to support them from the back. They are talented but often don’t realise that they are. Very, very admirable.

Malyen Oretsev - @hhjs

Malyen to me is a very hotheaded, bold and valiant character. He never backs down from a fight and stand firm for what he believes to be right and doesn't care if there’s a thousand men going against him. This is what makes him so appealing. He does what he want when he wants and has a very strong sense of what is right and wrong.

I feel like Amal and Mal have a lot in common such that they are both very daring and firm people. They don’t let their opinions get swayed by anyone - what is right is right. They are unafraid to stand up to injustice and voice their opinions. Both exude a lot of confidence and somehow they just seem like people you like or look up to.

Genya Safin - @experimentalwrites

Genya is very much like a mentor. Her personality is gentle, encouraging and sweet. As a Grisha tailor, most of her job is focused on helping people and helpful she is. She is caring towards everyone and never discriminates. Good-natured and wise, she is the perfect definition of what a great role model should act and be like. 

Like Genya, Nabi exudes mentor like vibes to me. Around her, I feel like I can talk about my problems and seek sound advice from her. She doesn’t judge and can be depended upon. Her friendship is one I treasure a lot and her caring nature is what makes her so extremely attractive and amazing.

Zoya Nazyalensky - @sly-merlin

Zoya is what comes to mind when I think of a strong, independent woman whose leadership qualities far surpass that of others. Although prickly towards those she considers her enemies, she is very kind and forgiving towards the people she cares for. Even in great pressure, she is able to think clearly and exercise logical thinking. Her mere presence comforts those around her.

Simmi was the first person I thought of when I was thinking of Zoya. Competent, strategic and giving to her friends. They both have boss lady/queen vibes and though both may seem intimidating, are actually very sweet people. They have a hard exterior but a very soft, endearing interior. Precious beans, seriously.

[butterflies-dragons]

Hey! There was a giant lemon cake with phallic image in alayne chapter. Do you think it some coincidence or it means something? Especially it's presented by petyr. Also Sansa and her enemies giving her lemoncakes give same vibes as Hansel&gretel story.

And best of all, Lord Nestor’s cooks prepared a splendid subtlety, a lemon cake in the shape of the Giant’s Lance, twelve feet tall and adorned with an Eyrie made of sugar.

For me, Alayne thought, as they wheeled it out. Sweetrobin loved lemon cakes too, but only after she told him that they were her favorites. The cake had required every lemon in the Vale, but Petyr had promised that he would send to Dorne for more.

—The Winds of Winter - Alayne I

Petyr Baelish is grooming Sansa, that’s the awful truth. And he has studied Sansa, he knows what she likes/wants and he will use that knowledge in his favor.

He knows she had a distant relationship with Ned, so he becomes Alayne’s father.

He knows that Ned neglected her and that she always craved for her father’s validation, so he gives her that, he praised her wits for example, and called her clever and smart. 

If Sansa says something like “I can’t” or “I don’t know”, he is there to encourage and support and tell her “you can do it” & “you know it”.  

He knows she loves knights and tourneys, so he allows her to organize a tournament, whose winners will belong to a kind of “Kingsguard” for Sweetrobin, based on the child’s favorite hero of the legends: The Winged Knight, Ser Artys Arryn.

He knows she loves lemon cakes, so he gives her a giant lemon cake.    

The Tyrells has used the same strategy:

"Sansa," Lady Alerie broke in, "you must be very hungry. Shall we have a bite of boar together, and some lemon cakes?"

"Lemon cakes are my favorite," Sansa admitted.

"So we have been told," declared Lady Olenna, who obviously had no intention of being hushed. "That Varys creature seemed to think we should be grateful for the information. I've never been quite sure what the point of a eunuch is, if truth be told. It seems to me they're only men with the useful bits cut off. Alerie, will you have them bring the food, or do you mean to starve me to death? Here, Sansa, sit here next to me, I'm much less boring than these others. I hope that you're fond of fools."

—A Storm of Swords - Sansa I

We all know how much Sansa loves her lemon cakes, but the Tyrells and Littlefinger really treat her as if she were a child like Sweetrobin:

"Will they be lemon cakes?" Lord Robert loved lemon cakes, perhaps because Alayne did.

"Lemony lemony lemon cakes," she assured him, "and you can have as many as you like."

"A hundred?" he wanted to know. "Could I have a hundred?"

"If it please you." She sat on the bed and smoothed his long, fine hair. He does have pretty hair. Lady Lysa had brushed it herself every night, and cut it when it wanted cutting. After she had fallen Robert had suffered terrible shaking fits whenever anyone came near him with a blade, so Petyr had commanded that his hair be allowed to grow. Alayne wound a lock around her finger, and said, "Now, will you get out of bed and let us dress you?"

"I want a hundred lemon cakes and five tales!"

I'd like to give you a hundred spankings and five slaps. You would not dare behave like this if Petyr were here. The little lord had a good healthy fear of his stepfather. Alayne forced a smile. "As my lord desires. But nothing till you're washed and dressed and on your way. Come, before the morning's gone." She took him firmly by the hand, and drew him out of bed.

—A Feast for Crows - Alayne II

The lemon cake in the shape of the Giant’s Lance

The Giant's Lance is the tallest peak of the Mountains of the Moon within the Vale of Arryn, extending three and a half miles above the the valley below.

The great-grandfather of Petyr Baelish was a Braavosi sellsword that came into the Vale of Arryn at the service of Lord Corbray. His line was continued by his son, who became a hedge knight and took the head of the Titan of Braavos as his sigil.

As I mentioned in this post, a sword, Ice in particular, works as a phallic symbol in Sansa’s chapters. 

So, we can also make this association:

The Titan of Braavos = A Giant

The Giant’s Lance = Tallest Peak

Lance & Peak = phallic symbols 

Lemon cake in the shape of the Giant’s Lance = I don’t want to write it 

We can also say that Petyr Baelish is “compensating” his “shortfalls”, after all he is a short man called Littlefinger.  

Yes, I think this giant lemon cake could be seen as a phallic symbol and it makes sense with Littlefinger grooming her... yikes

¡¡¡SOMEONE SAVE HER PLEASE!!!   

My friend @lostlittlesatellites has already wrote about these subjects, giant lemon cake as phallic symbol and Hansel and Gretel story: 

I argued that lemon cakes in Sansa’s arc actually spell people trying to exploit Sansa’s weakness in an almost Hansel & Gretel way and a betrayal that follows.

“Interestingly Sansa’s first chapter in AGOT poses questions that will drive majority of her arc. Her desire for a courtly life in the South will not only prove to be hollow but worse a dream that turns into nightmare. Sansa asks two questions: “What could you want to see? It’s just fields and farms and holdfasts” and “Why would you want to ride a smelly old horse and get all sore and sweaty when you could recline on feather pillows and eat cakes with the queen?”

The world is larger than Sansa has been taught to believe, reclining more inward into her dreams with the strict regime that she taught to look away from the window. She doesn’t think she is prepared enough and that she needs more training. Yes, she doesn’t know enough but neither does Arya or Bran or Jon. Having Sansa finally leave her cage after completing her tutelage under Littlefinger is continuing that student-teacher dynamic she has had since Septa Mordane. People come to love the security of the cage they live in too long. This is why it takes so long to take out the fear of the outside from Sansa because the fact that she has barely any experience keeps her thinking she needs someone to rely on.

[…]

The “Feather pillows and cakes with the queen” part represents the glamour that attracts little boys and girls like Sansa. However, it is hollow as Sansa comes to realise about many things. In fact, people offering Sansa lemon cakes in Sansa’s storyline often forebodes a betrayal from the person offering it. Cersei offers her lemon cakes and a few chapters later she has Lady executed and even later, she has Ned arrested. Olenna offers Sansa lemon cakes, which Varys offers as valuable information to bring her guard down in order to lure her into her trap of marrying her to Wilas and getting hold of Winterfell and the North. They have her wear the murder weapon, which could implicate her for Joffrey’s murder even if their target is Tyrion. Littlefinger is offering her a 12 foot phallic shaped lemon cake in Sansa’s TWOW chapter. Given how happy Sansa is in this chapter that she is almost forgetting that she isn’t Alayne, the food is way too lavish when Winter is coming and along with this trend with lemon cakes, the clock is going to strike 12 and the illusion is going to break very soon. Soon Sansa will prefer riding those “smelly horses” and getting sweaty and sore in order to escape over those lemon cakes and feather beds offered by untrustworthy people. For Sansa’s arc to be fulfilling she has to experience the lives of small folk up close before she helps them. As a character whose view range is often myopic, she has to be put in the middle of the lives of the small folk to truly understand them.”

I highly recommend you to check @lostlittlesatellites blog, she’s a great ASOIAF meta writer, you can read more about these subjects here and here. She covered a lot of themes and symbolisms around Sansa in the Vale, some of them very disturbing regarding Littlefinger’s present and future actions against Sansa...   

But despite all that, since GRRM is a writer that likes to give different meanings to a same thing, there are also some very interesting details that are worthy to mention about the real Giant’s Lance:

So lovely. The snow-clad summit of the Giant's Lance loomed above her, an immensity of stone and ice that dwarfed the castle perched upon its shoulder. Icicles twenty feet long draped the lip of the precipice where Alyssa's Tears fell in summer. A falcon soared above the frozen waterfall, blue wings spread wide against the morning sky. Would that I had wings as well. 

—A Feast for Crows - Alayne I

The Winged Knight was Ser Artys Arryn. Legend said that he had driven the First Men from the Vale and flown to the top of the Giant's Lance on a huge falcon to slay the Griffin King.  

—A Feast for Crows - Alayne II

I can see strong dragon imagery here... 

I already wrote about how Sansa wishing falcon wings could be foreshadowing of her getting dragon wings.  

Here I also listed all the similarities between Jon and Sweetrobin.

But the most interesting detail is that the real Giant’s Lance is Stone covered by Ice/Snow. 

Sansa’s Vale arc has a lot of connections with Jon Snow, like this parallel that I called “Children of the Mountains”.

There is also the names of the waycastles Stone (Alayne) and Snow (Jon).

And one of my favorite Jon Snow reference in Sansa’s chapters, the ghost wolf, big as mountains:

All around was empty air and sky, the ground falling away sharply to either side. There was ice underfoot, and broken stones just waiting to turn an ankle, and the wind was howling fiercely. It sounds like a wolf, thought Sansa. A ghost wolf, big as mountains.

—A Feast for Crows - Alayne II

So, 

The Giant’s Lance is the tallest peak of the Mountains of the Moon.

The Giant’s Lance is Stone covered by Ice/Snow.

Sansa compared those mountains with a giant Ghost Wolf.  

I’m sorry Littlefinger, you can’t touch this girl!

Thanks for your message.

[iwanttobeyourwonderwoman]

I can barely breathe when you are near.

I’m just gonna say I totally loved the show. Mad love. 

And in case you haven’t figure it out yet, or watched the show to get it, I’m talking about Ginny and Georgia. 

So many important topics touched on so many feelings and oh so many love triangles.

So join me as i dissect the whole show hehe .

Alright basic plot-

Young single mom Georgia and her teenage daughter Ginny, and younger son Austin, are always on the road and have now moved across the country to the small town of Wellsbury, Massachusetts from Texas, where they encounter a whole load of quirky characters. Ginny, who never had friends, slowly starts fitting in with the popular sophomores, mainly her neighbour Maxine, who also has a twin brother Marcus while Georgia befriends their mother Ellen. The series follows their attempts and struggles of fitting in with the town, all while developing their own love triangles (square in Georgia’s case). And the best part is, the unfolding of Georgia’s dark past filled with teen mom struggles and a little bit of murder mystery as to how she has gotten to where she is now. 

Teen mom and daughter combo again? Been there done that!

Well yes, as everyone compares it to Gilmore Girls (my personal favourite show ever) here are some similarities and differences as well as other show references.

*SPOILERS!!

It does explore that close relationship that Ginny and Georgia have, but obviously the kind of bond that Rory and Lorelai had were a lot stronger and had their own personal quirks and wit. There were often rifts in G&G’s relationship caused by the secrets of Georgia’s past as well as Ginny feeling inferior to her own mother in terms of looks and her ability to be a chameleon to fit in anywhere. Rory was more focused on her grades and was comfortable just having her few friends. Ginny on the other hand wanted to be liked and wanted to fit in with her school friends and eventually becomes part of MANG and the boys. And in the case of the mothers, Lorelai focused on raising Rory and worked her way up to eventually owning her own Inn while Georgia snuck and tiptoed her way around swindling money wherever she could but all in the best intentions of her kids more than herself, desperate to give her kids the life she never had. 

Also in a way I feel like this is also similar to Jane the Virgin except of course Jane’s character is older, but if you take the standpoint of the mother-daughter relationship and love triangle(Jane/Rafael/Michael) as well as a little psychotic Murder mystery Petra vibes.

, I feel like G&G is a good mix of Gilmore and JTV.

When it comes to love interests, Ginny was stuck between boyfriend Hunter and neighbour Marcus. Sweet, innocent Hunter (my favourite character in the whole series because if you know me you’d know I’m a hopeless romantic) was pretty much Dean to Rory, while cool skater and stoner guy Marcus was Jess. And honestly I see a similar trend here where most people are Team Jess/Marcus whereas I’m team Dean/Hunter for the main fact that Dean and Hunter both treated the girls really good and I like that. 

Georgia, as I mentioned was more of in a love square than a triangle, because why the hell not right? There’s Joe, the owner of the cafe where everyone spends most of their time, then there’s Mayor Paul, who Georgia pushes her way to work for to get on his good side. And then of course, Zion, Ginny’s father. Sounds a lot like Luke, Jason and Christopher doesn’t it. I love that Joe had a more interesting and different story, where it was depicted in the flashback scene where homeless young Georgia, just found out she was pregnant at a gas station and comes out to a crowd of high schoolers, which is when she meets Joe. She says to him  “I’ll look you up if I’m ever in Wellsbury” Joe was already attracted to her as a teenager and doesn’t realise it’s the same Georgia he met years ago till the last episode whereas Georgia has known all this while. I don’t know about you but I feel like now Georgia has the funds to move to somewhere she aspired to be, where she knows her kids will get the best and where she received “a sandwich and a pair of raybans that changed my life” Also let me just add that Raymond Ablack (Joe) is INCREDIBLY HOT.

Moving on to Paul, Georgia is attracted to him but there is that underlying greed because Paul can provide her stability and security and power. And that is when she will finally feel like she has achieved wheat she needs to. Towards the end, she almost chooses Zion because of her deep affection for him as ‘her penguin’ as she refers to him as. Being with Zion also means she can let her guard down and relax a little, and obviously is a great father to Ginny and even Austin who isn’t even his biologically. Which also makes both guys equally good contenders for Georgia. 

Another thing I love about the show is MANG. Their friendship is real, it’s not just Abby and Norah accepting Ginny because of Max. Yes Abby did throw her under the bus in the beginning but they soon became really close and never singled her out after the shoplifting incident. It wasn’t a whole case of Regina George and the plastics all over again. They didn’t care that she was different. 

So I feel like Abby is a very interesting character also. I read that her character was created based on a friend of the writer. So abby puts up a very strong front when actually she is feeling quite distraught from her parents ongoing divorce as well as her own issues with body image. Abby is very petite but still is not satisfied with her body so she tapes her thighs to make them look smaller and wear tight jeans so that she can look slimmer. I the Halloween episode, Press even calls her “whale legs” and she obviously gets upset and you can see it affects her because she’s striving for such a perfect image all the time but also I feel like she has a thing for Press so that really messes her up. You can also see she does get a little jealous of Ginny and Max’s friendship but that’s mainly because she feels lonely and unheard and she ends off being estranged from Norah and Max feeling like her whole world crumbled. I really hope MANG gets to patch up. They were the ideal friend group along with the guys.

“Oppression Olympics, let’s go.”

I don’t know guys, this line really stood out to me.

Basically this is the scene in episode 8 where Ginny and Hunter argue about racism and why Ginny deserved to win that writing contest with her unique style (girl used slam poetry for goodness sake that essay was amazing!!??) But Hunter won and he is clearly the favourite of their teacher. He talks about how he is half Taiwanese and the Asian stereotypes he faces here as well as the White remarks he gets from the Asian side of his family. Ginny too says she can’t fit in because she is half Black and how this town had a very small black population and people are not sure how to look at her. I feel like touching on these topics of race was really vital to not only the show but to the actors as well. From the bts, I read that Antonia (Ginny) and Mason (Hunter) were in a room with the writer and jus spoke about the kind of remarks they have personally faced which helped develop the argument scene because it was so real and raw and quite upsetting to watch. It’s something very relatable to the audience which also just amplified that whole episode overall. 

I mentioned earlier my favourite character is Hunter. I admit I have a major crush on both the actor and the fictional character. Ok so I think Hunter was a great character, a very good boyfriend too, I mean look at the way he cared for Ginny, supported her, just that unfortunately she was more attracted to Marcus in the end but also that ugly oppression olympics fight just gave his character more depth to show that Hunter wasn’t as perfect as he seemed. I think girls watching the show deserved to see what a good guy looked like. He was smart, in a band, a very caring boyfriend, popular but not cocky. If you compare to let’s say the character if Peter Kavinsky, I think Hunter made a better boyfriend. DO i also think Kavinsky is a damn dream boat? Of course I do. but then again, I thought John Ambrose was a much better guy in the TATB series. Kavinsky was originally dating another girl before the whole fake couple thing started. Whereas going back to Hunter, he already admired Ginny from the first episode and stayed truly respectful until the end of the show. And that’s something girls should see and aspire to have.

Yes I loved the song I loved the fact that he sang it for her, I am such a hopeless romantic and I absolutely hate that poor Hunter/Mason has been getting a lot of backlash for the song/character. I’ve rewatched a lot of the Hunter/Ginny scenes multiple times just because. Hunter was a good guy. Period. 

So looking forward, I think a lot of important topics were touched in this show, slightly different from let’s say 13 Reasons Why, and I hope that they can continue to delve into those stories such as racism,self harm, body image and so on which really hit home for me. Important discussion topics, important for kids to see like oh hey this character is kinda like me, and if they are facing these issues, how can they get through it?

Also I need answers to all my questions - Where did Ginny go? How does Georgia get away with everything? Will MANG get back together? Does Abby have a deeper story to tell? Do Marcus and Ginny end up together? AND WHAT ABOUT MY POOR BBY HUNTER??? Lots of unanswered questions, lots of stories to dig deeper into, and so many secrets. I loved the mother l-daughter relationship, the same way I loved Lorelai and Rory’s relationship too.

I obviously totally enjoyed the show, I’ve recommended it to many friends and I hope they enjoy it as much as I do, and get more people on my Hunter Chen bandwagon hahahaha! Let’s hope for a season 2!!

Another super long post, finally done. I can move on to watching other shows now (and still constantly wish I too had cool stuff like Sophomore sleepover)

Hate you, kidding! Love you, mean it!

(just gonna leave these here because why not????)

[tobeornottotc]

So much to say about all Friday shows my brain shut down it’s weird how in a day all the shows that aired from we best love to TT finale made my day and made me happy I cried. We best love is a gem that has come and taken my heart it’s everything I love in BL, it’s like reading a novel and never wanting it to end, the pinining, longing and now the angst still upcoming. My love to all the characters? Everything about the acting, music, and writing. Taiwan came back and said you haven’t forgotten why you adorE BL right? Well here’s more reasons. I’ve missed Taiwan shows for so long I used to take the history series for granted despite my love for it and now look at me. We best love is just so great and cheesy and yet done so well I’ve not have any issues with it 😭 it’s not short, I like how angsty yet sweet it gets. Just everything

Then you have to my star. Is there any moment when Korea does something that does not make me shout from the rooftops another great one!! Like are we surprised at this point. Where your eyes linger still is my favourite Korean BL and although different I get the same vibes from to my star, there’s secret pining, confusing hidden hints to maybe more than just a very happy celebrity that is clingy and flirty. Seojun seems to know he likes boys from the start or is it just me. I won’t be surprised that the reason he’s hiding that video is because the reason there was a fight was because it’ll out his sexuality, either he had something with said guy he paid money to keep quiet about or said guy knows about his sexuality and threatened to blackmail him. But it’s the subtle hints that he may know about himself and his feelings like in episode 4 how many times he leaves clues and hints he likes Jiwoo but hides it behind this clingy want to be friends persona, I think when he was drunk he let out his true feelings he’s been hiding and he outed himself on purpose. I’m probably thinking too much but there’d be a lot at stake in my opinion if someone knew he likes guys it’d be a bigger scandal that’s probably why he acts like he doesn’t know when he’s flirting or hinting he likes someone. Just me? Jiwoo is also an interesting tsundere why does he have his walls so up, he clearly also has feelings but in the trailer he’s going to harshly break Seojun’s heart? Obviously I think it’s a lie it’s noble idiocy he realised it was the way to help him not get caught in another scandal. I really need to know more about his character. And the chef who knows more than he lets on who is he speaking to about Seojun does he know the other guy in the video? Does he know why Seojun is hiding the video he seems to have picked on the chemistry of Seojun and Jiwoo more proof that person was right? Let me know what your ideas are on this show. If this show is dealing with internalised homophobia and the scandal of the media invasion and celebrity lifestyle then man it’ll be fun to rewatch this time and time again. Kisses in Korean BL shows have become a staple for revealing a lot of secrets and pushing our couples to confront the truth about what they try to rationalise when it comes to their feelings. In where your eyes linger them entering a relationship was not good for them because it’d lead to separation and more. In Mr heart the kiss was revealed and forced our marathon runner to question his priorities and feelings. And in wish you the kiss happened when Sang yi could no longer run away from what he was feeling even if it meant they couldn’t be together because of same reasons as this show I’m guessing a scandal being caused because idols and celebs dating is a bit forbidden in kmusic and kdrama industry. Loses the fans. And attracts media attention. Let’s see what To my star reveals with this kiss now Seojun isn’t hiding what he feels anymore.

Then we have 1000 stars premiere and I cried at sheer greatness I’m a clown I came into it trying hard to keep my expectations at bay but my 30 minutes in I was bawling stunned and quiet. The directing is exquisite, in depth and littered with clues and hints to the themes of the show. The focus on the flashbacks of Tiens life coated in dark light and suffocating aura compared to the light and warm atmosphere of Torfuns narration whose life seemed hard but she found peace and joy just helping people and learning about the joy of finding value in every little things she had and saw. The peace that Tien couldn’t feel because he felt stifled and empty from his own choices when he thought his life span would be short. He didn’t know the value of money, life or little things. He wasted and gambled precious things to him, acted privelaged and lost hours in a sea of acohol, cigarettes and more. His lifestyle felt wrong after he realised he was given a second chance to find meaning. There’s an overall dark theme of corruption, greed and power that’s going to me an obstacle for the characters. Torfuns demise is clearly more than just an accident with the way people are trying to push her life to the side rapidly, hide details like even selling Tiens car which I have a feeling is what took her life (not him but he bet it in a race before he fainted) or clues that Phupha isn’t going to be done trying to figure out what happened to her it’s foreshadowing this isn’t over yet. We also have another villain who fled during the forest ranger fights at the beginning, he’s definitely coming back I wonder what these criminals want and how much danger Pha will have to deal with with this boss and his other hooligans. Why are they in the forest and what do the rangers have to protect? Lastly our couple met and you can’t tell me that Pha isn’t smitten he is struck with love at first sight immediately he meets Tien but he hides it through his stern cover and he finds it funny to bicker and tease him. He also thinks Tien is too delicate, rich and shallow to stay to help the kids, so he’ll struggle with liking Tiens determination and drive to feeling angry at how much value of life and money he takes for granted but it’s a learning arc something Tien will grow learning and transforming from. Their bickering is cute, both are intrigued by each other already Tien because Pha is connected to Torfun’s wishes and hopes, but also he saw him in the weird fantasy dream thing. He’s intrigued by his stern cover vs why people seem to think he’s sweet and kind. And he’s irked by the guy who keeps getting under his skin and calling him out. It’s going to be fun to see his own reactions and feelings develop slowly and his doubt that it’s his and it’s Torfun’s heart acting up. That conflict will be so interesting to explore and knowing Backaof we’ll get a deeper conversation about sexuality, spirituality and more. All his shows even his fantasies have these deep reflections and conversations about feelings and life of someone struggling with what their sexuality is to them. Even when fantasy he never fails to include those scenes. But also there’s always a massive plot twist hidden in the story that could tear our characters apart, and it’s connected to our girls demise 🥺 i have so much more to say about this show. But for now just know I’m obsessed in awe and excited for this journey. It’ll be emotional a roller coaster of emotions and lessons, but also a love story I can’t wait to see unfold

Lastly TT finale. It’s precious to say TharnType will always have a place in my heart, marked into it as my favourite couple. Their love is so incredible, everlasting and theirs, their journey to each other has never been easy and yet their love is constant, precious and real. They make me smile and want to cry because I still can’t process we’ve come to the end. Boy was it a good way to say goodbye. I will miss this show, the annoyances, problems and also the good moments. I will miss my LeoFiat dramatic souls, their angst and their own journey to each other. Glad to seeFiat finally got to define the relationship he’s been hoping and waiting for. And Leo finally got to show Fiat how much he’s cared. Question why didn’t I get a kiss scene from them? Forever staying petty about that. Champ and Khun did what they were meant to do, their own relationship was also adorable and I just wish it wasn’t only the last episode we had to deal with their confession and realisation that there’s been something here all along. Champs cute though his nativity and dumbness was real and pure but I like how he understood what he was feeling and why he wanted Khun by his side and more. So well done to them getting together. We had Tharn finally Wade his way into Type’s fathers acceptance I wish he wasn’t just a comedic role but we had more conversations serious ones about him learning to accept Tharn still it was wholesome he grew to finally let them be together he understood Type was never going to leave Tharn and was at his best with him. Love the Kirigun family and how much they push Tharn to be his best. Their support was earnest and I loved we saw Thorn get married like a full circle after he proposed and found his own love story. We Stan a very protective supportive older brother who has always been a source of help during TT relationship. Techno irked me in this series and he became one of my least fave characters his snooping whilst cute just didn’t mesh well with me and I kept wondering where his man was because he acted like someone who wasn’t satisfied in the relationship he was in. Just an annoying presence overall. Sorry not sorry. That being said I didn’t hate this sequel and I know rewatching it as second part to TT journey watching 24 episodes of TT back to back will be an emotional experience and will show you all the clues, meta, subtext and overall plot of these two in a better light. Overall TT is always going to be a fave show of mine, and the sequel whilst not fulfilling all my expectations it made me still feel like it was worth my attention and care. Thank you to the cast, crew and production for this. My Fridays will never be the same we’re really now in 2021 with these new shows 😭 just manner of d@earth to go. 😭

Friday shows bringing me joy, excitement and most of all new lessons and new ideas. I’m so excited and I loved that these are the shows we have in January. Let’s hope they keep being great and our Fridays stay exciting and warm 👌

[prose-for-hire]

The Powers that don’t

💜I got a special request for a longer fic in my inbox a couple weeks ago and I’ve been working on it for a bit!💜 

Pairing: Spike x fem!reader

Request: Imagine: The watcher's Council had found a young woman in a graveyard one night (from the year 2020) Giles was called by the council To look after the young woman while they figure out how she came to be. While fighting along side Buffy and the gang, Spike is crying over Drusilla leaving him as Spike encountered with the young woman takes a very happy turn. Oh personally: Laid back, kind, charming, sweet and sarcastic

Warning: Mention of covid-19. Blood mention. Spike kills people (not described graphically). Siring. 

Requested by: @everlastingartist​ - hope this is okay love 💜🖤

A/N: Snapshots of your growing relationship with Spike. Time moves on pretty fast, I didn’t want to split this one up into parts but I suppose I usually move time on in my ficlets so you should be used to that by now if you follow my writing lol. There’s an extra gif (as a treat) in the middle to split it up! I had a blast with this one! (WC: 5k)

You were waiting in the queue to get into the supermarket, having to wait two metres behind those queueing in front of you. It was a normal day, that was until you blinked. This is how you found yourself in a graveyard. In the middle of the night.

“What the-” you looked around, confused. The mask over your mouth muffling your words as you spoke. You were sort of laid-back, even with this - being dropped into somewhere so clearly not where you were meant to be - you adjusted quickly. You had been in the supermarket queueing apart from the rest of the customers and now you were in a graveyard in what appeared to be the middle of the night.

“Now!” A stuffy looking man with a very British accent called, pointing towards you .A young woman tackled you to the ground. On instinct, that you weren’t aware you possessed until now, you blocked her blows and pushed her off you, panting hard. Eyes widened as she felt you were human. She got up, helping you up.

“Uh, Ow” You muttered, “So, hi, sorry to bother you - do you know where I am?”

“London, England” He enunciated the words, clearly proud of the place they were in.

“Great. How about when I am?” You ask, eyeing the girls choice in outfit. You were all for individual style but something about it made you feel as if you had been dropped straight into the 90s. 

“1998, of course” They confirmed your suspicion. The pair frowned at you and then at each other. 

“Oh, so I’ve travelled in time!” You decide, as if this was an inconvenience than a major revelation. You moved back subconsciously as they approached you. You weren’t used to people standing so close and so it was unusual when the girl offered you a comforting gesture - a hand on your shoulder. This gesture awarded her a glare from the man and she quickly dropped it. The man then looked at you with a curiosity that surpassed the usual time-traveller-crazy. He was squinting at you as if he had been waiting for this.

“Come with us” he ordered, didn’t ask. You shrugged and followed.

You spent a couple of days there, the man introducing himself as a watcher, his job to watch over the girl and train her. They had a special interest in you, something about a prophecy of one from the future,  telling you that you had some kind of potential too. You were packing up, which was fairly simple as you only had the clothes on your back and a now unneeded face mask. You had been told you were taking a trip. Someone that could help you figure where to go from here.

Meanwhile, in Sunnydale, California:

“Mr Giles. We will need you to undertake further duties. The council is stretched and this woman is a special case. She maintains that she is from the future. I believe it may be the one from the prophecy your slayer has discovered. We will need you to watch her while we do our own research on this prophecy”

“Ok, Quentin. I shall greet her at the airport”

When you finally arrived in Sunnydale, laden with several scrolls and some books for you to give to a ‘Mr Giles’ about a prophecy that hadn’t been explained to you, a friendly older man welcomed you.

“Uh, hello, y/n. I’m Rupert Giles, you will be staying with me. I hear that you have travelled a long way to be here”

“Yeah and the rest” You mutter, before smiling apologetically and greeting him properly, “It’s nice to meet you, you have a really nice home” You offered, ever the charmer, as you looked around it approvingly.

Eventually, a group of people perhaps a little younger than you arrived their curiosity getting the better of them. 

“This is Buffy, Willow, Xander and Anya” Giles introduced as you greeted them warmly.

“Hey, your names are all straight out of a graphic novel or something” You smile, introducing yourself as y/n. You had been briefed that Buffy was a slayer, that there was but one in a generation but you hadn’t been entirely certain what it entailed. Th others whispered slightly, about the latest demon not quite sure how much they could trust you yet as Giles caught that you may feel a little left out.

“Well, ah, yes, thank you. Shall we set you up in the spare room?” Giles offered, taking your bags and showing you the way. You just rolled with it, picking up the fast-paced lifestyle that you would have to be accustomed to in Sunnydale. 

With you being laid back and fun for the others to be around, you fit in almost straight away. They started to be less secretive around you and started to clue you in on everything. Although, they weren’t entirely sure what a potential was yet themselves. Which was fine by you, you might not be here long enough to find out anyway. Giles was the only one that knew of a prophecy that had started to come true since you arrived.

They were helping you find a way home. Some of them more reluctantly than others. Willow had started to teach you little tricks and tips about simple spells, so that you could show off to the others. Buffy and you often gossiped together, she liked that you often had a friendly ear for her problems, offering another perspective that Willow didn’t have. 

Life became normal, but you felt yourself lacking something you couldn’t quite put your finger on and it wasn’t returning back to 2020. Everyone was coupled up and some days you started to feel a little lonely. You continued to research a way to get home, often in vain. You weren’t so urgently wanting to leave, you had a life here in Sunnydale now but Giles was insistent you at least had the option to return to your time period.  

It had been a few months now, and you were getting used to life in Sunnydale. Buffy ran at the vampire, with you, willow and Xander trailing behind. The three of you worked together to shepherd the vampires into Buffy’s line-of-fight so that she could stake them more easily. You became a part of everyone’s lives and you almost forgot about where you had come from, until of course it was brought up again.

You became fast friends with the gang, a true member of the Scoobies. They asked you so many questions about the future it was as if your life before then had been a dream. You were all walking back from the graveyard after a long night of slaying when they mentioned the future once more.

“There’s a big virus... it’s pretty bad back there… or forward, in the future” You say softly, thinking of how different everything was compared to now and how much you had taken little things for granted.

“I knew it! I called it: the next apocalypse would be a big virus infecting everyone” Buffy said excitedly, then realised you had a little frown. Things really had felt scary for a while there. She stopped talking, a hand on your arm to reassure you. You smiled at how close you had become, finding her one of your best friends. You were so grateful for the Scoobies as you walked through the streets, deciding to make an impromptu trip to the Bronze. 

When you arrived, the music was buzzing and the vibe in the place was exciting. You smiled around the room, nodding along to the music, barely noticing the conversation until you zoned back in. They were discussing a vampire, someone they called Spike. You decided you wanted to ask who they were talking about.

“Oh my God, that’s right - you weren’t here” Buffy sighed, having to launch into another account of what had happened with Angel. Your eyes widened at the story they had managed to forget to inform you about, even to your laid back demeanour it made you a little spooked about how friendly you had been with Angel. 

“So, what’s up with this Spike? Is he evil?”

“If you’re scared of peroxide you should start running” Xander smiled, and Willow explained he had bleach blonde hair. 

“Well, uh, there was talk of torture with railroad spikes and-”

“He’s killed slayers in brutal ways”

“But he was mostly big on the talking about killing us but he never manged to do anything... too busy with his precious Drusilla” they shrugged, as if this was normal gossip. In the same breath, they started to talk about a girl from their school, Katy, who they saw parking with a guy that wasn’t her boyfriend. 

Not even a week after this conversation, you were in the Magic Shop, needing a few ingredients - you had promised to help Willow with a de-lusting spell. She had told you, in private, what had been going on with Xander so you had it a priority to rush to the store.

As soon as your eyes met his, you felt the missing piece you had been lacking. His presence filling you up in ways you never knew you were empty. You were drawn to him, even though you knew how dangerous he was, you couldn’t help step towards him, despite the fact he was standing over a dead body.

It was the store owner. You had really liked her, she was always extremely kind. Your look of horror changed to one of concern though, at the state of the vampire in front of you. He looked almost... broken. As if he had suffered a great loss. Your head told you to run, get into the sunlight as soon as you could, but something made you stand stock still. You knew who he was. You had been told about him only a few nights ago. But the horror stories hadn’t scared you away. Not even the scene before you had scared you away.

You both just stared, as if you were studying something fascinating. For some reason, unknown to him, he didn’t lunge at you. He launched into a rant about his woes. You were used to this, your personality meant people often confided in you.

“She dumped me! She didn’t even chop my head off or burn me to ash, I mean, she doesn’t even care about me that much!” 

“Hey, it’s okay I’m sure she’ll change her mind. I’m sure you have lots of... nice qualities” You offered. He sighed over-exaggeratedly, pacing and stepping over his discarded meal before leaning against the wall and sliding down it. He crouched, head in his hands as he continued to speak.

“But she cheated! With a chaos demon! Have you seen one of those? They’re all goo and antlers” he shouted, tears spilling from his eyes that he angrily wiped away. You cautiously sat beside him, also leaning against the wall.

“That sounds pretty gross to me” You offer nodding along, your hand hovering as if you wanted to offer a comforting gesture but you weren’t sure if he would bite your hand off (literally). However, your fears subsided when he leaned against your shoulder, sniffling slightly. His tears starting to subside at your words, nodding along. The big, scary bad guy didn’t seem so bad. He was in pain.

“Then, you deserve better, Spike. It hurts now, but this might be good for you. Some time to look out for yourself, pick up the, uh, pieces” You offer, wavering at the end as his face had shifted. He was starting to get mad. He realised he had been vulnerable with you. That he was taking comfort with you. A human. A potential, he had even overheard from the witch. This wouldn’t do. He could feel himself falling. One ounce of kindness and that’s all it took for him to start falling. God, sometimes he hated being love’s bitch. 

He squinted, how did you know his name? Oh, right, you must know the Slayer. He’s just been vulnerable with one of the Slayer’s little slayerettes. He scowled at you, a dramatic change from his previous apparent sensitivity as he loomed over you. 

“Bugger off, I see you - you’re the Slayer’s mate aren’t you? Well, I don’t know what game you’re playing but you can bloody well- you can bugger right off!” He shouted, grabbing your jacket, balling it up in his fist and pointing in your face. His face changed, his bumpy forehead shifting his features. You just stared back, everything had happened so fast you weren’t sure what could be said. Even now, you just wanted to reach and hug him. And, if you had I’m sure he would have hesitated but hugged back. But you didn’t and for some reason, he dropped his hand from your clothing and stalked away. 

The next time you saw him, was a few days later. For some reason, his mind had started to move from Drusilla’s betrayal and he had a new object of his affection. You bump into him late at night as you walked back home after helping Buffy patrol, he still looks a little upset. He was definitely a little drunk and so, you took pity on him. He insulted you when he first saw you, trying to keep up the façade but it quickly melted away at how genuine you were about how he was doing. He softened, even slightly, nodding along to your words. He followed you to your door, already starting to miss you as the key turned in the lock.

“Come in?” You offered over your own shoulder as you stepped over the threshold. He squinted, unsure if he had heard you right before smirking. 

“You’re just asking to be eaten up, aren’t you?”

“No, I can just see you’re hurting. Talk to me, I won’t tell a soul” you promise, setting out two mugs and offering him a drink. He nodded, taking the mug and hugging it to him. The warmth comforting in a way that he wondered if your embrace would be the same. He knew it would. And now, as you spoke, he couldn’t stop thinking about it. 

After this, another moment where he hadn’t eaten you despite having a very easy chance, he took comfort in the fact that you were kind but not naïve. Kindness was his weakness and you weren’t like the scoobies, there was something about you. Like you had knowledge, not just because you appeared to be a few years older. Like you could truly understand.

When he left in the early hours of the morning, only because the sun was threatening to rise, he still insisted he was going after Drusilla. But instead, he couldn’t help sticking around. 

He realised he didn’t want to go back to Drusilla. He wanted kindness. He wanted you. He decided to lay low, staying in Sunnydale for you. To even catch another glimpse of you.

He became increasingly besotted with you. A small grain of affection growing into a vast and deeply rooted feeling of love.

After a while of accidentally bumping into him late at night, you realised Spike had moved back permanently. He was often found hanging around the place you had started renting after you moved out of Giles’ when you realised that this wasn’t a temporary stay in Sunnydale. He pretended he had been looking for you, saying that there was a gang of vampires that had taken over the east side of Sunnydale and that Buffy was busy with something else. He suggested that you both checked it out seeing as Giles had in fact determined, and now told you, that you were a potential. A slayer-in-training.

Spike drove you both. The car smelt of cigarette smoke and as if he had spilled an entire bottle of jack on the back seat. The whole way there he tried impressing you with how evil he was, despite the fact he was out doing Buffy’s job. You pointed this out to him, not wanting to upset him but because it was a valid point. He explained it was the principle of the thing, he wasn’t turning good. Not for anything. 

You were fond of him, and he loved everything about you. How caring you were. How sweet your smile was to him. How you knew so much about being in a time you’re not really from. He found you were incredibly easy to talk to, having now poured his heart out on more than one occasion. Another thing is that often, he didn’t feel the need to talk - he just wanted to hear you talk about everything and anything.

This was what you were doing on the car journey. You were explaining about music apps and how you could have all of your music, not just the beat up cassette tapes Spike had littering his car, on one tiny device. He listened, fascinated about everything you would tell him of the future.

You parked up and waited in the car a while, waiting for any sign of this illusive vampire gang. 

After a while, Spike turned the heat up a little, noticing you were cold. He slipped his duster off, not making eye contact as he offered it to you. You smiled and took it, but then realised what the gesture could mean. You slipped it on, bundling it around you the best you could before looking back to him wit ha little furrow on your brow.

“Is, uh, this a date Spike?” you ask finally, not able to stop yourself grinning at his reaction. 

“What?! No! Uh, unless you… y’know… wanted it to be?” He muttered, noting your smile. It made him melt. You nodded confirmation, a small smile. You’d love a date with him. He nodded, mirroring you. Then you both stared ahead of you, not sure what else to say. You were overthinking it now. 

A date with a human?

A date with a vampire?!

But when your eyes met again, none of it mattered. You grinned, reaching your hand to lay on top of his. Squeezing slightly, giving him that sweet smile he loved so much.

You were supposed to be predator and prey and yet it was nothing like this. Neither of you could deny your feelings. He couldn’t lie and say he magically didn’t think about the way your blood would taste, but he never wanted to hurt you. It was almost physical, he ached for you to be happy.

He moved to look back at you in the passenger seat and couldn’t help smiling, although it ended up on the other side of his face when the vampires you had been looking for found you instead. They had been real and not made up as an excuse to talk to you. You had fought together, perfectly in sync with the other, having each other’s backs on instinct. It was the best first date you had both ever had, ending in a passionate kiss as the last remnants of vamp-dust fell to the ground.

After months of researching the prophecy of the ‘Future one’ that Giles decided had to be you, you had also become Spike’s girlfriend. This was on the down-low to begin with, Spike was definitely seen as evil and not just because he had done a deal with some questionable demons in order to make some money and hoped to get the chance to kill Buffy at the same time. You navigated your relationship around this, trying to steer him and Buffy out of each other’s way the best that you could. 

Spike stalked in, blood smeared around his mouth that he wiped off with his shirt sleeve, trying to look at least a little presentable when he realised you were waiting up for him.

He softened when he saw you sleepily cuddled on the sofa, the glare of the tv lighting up your face. Coming back to see you was heaven, if he believed in any of that stuff. You made this crypt a home and coming back to have you waiting in the early morning was bliss. He wanted you to move in, but you kept your apartment for appearances in front of the Scoobies. 

He moved to you, cupping your cheek and pulling you in for a kiss. It was soft and slow, but full of meaning - as if he was sucking the soul from you. Replacing it with his love. His promise that souls didn’t matter when it was love.

“What was that for?” The meaning behind his kiss almost waking you up completely. Knocking the breath from your lungs. The sleep from your eyes. Eyes a little wider, smile a little brighter. 

“I love you, pet” he shrugged, sitting beside you on the sofa.

“I love you too, even though you taste suspiciously like the red-stuff” You can’t help still smiling sleepily. He sat beside you on the sofa, allowing you to settle in beside him. He let you lay against him and you snuggle into his side as he wrapped an arm around you. His soft whispers match the soothing caress as he rubbed your arm as you started to drift into sleep. You felt so safe with him.

You would never have guessed that not an hour before this vampire had been terrorising humans, draining them and taunting them. He of course never told you that was what he did, and he could never for a second imagine hurting you that way, but you had suspicions and you tried your best to not bring it up or ask him to try animal blood.

You trusted him, for better or for worse. By this time, you had been dating for almost a year and a half, for the most part hidden from the others. Willow knew, being the most understanding of the group. Anya had her suspicions but the others weren’t aware.

A while after all of your friends found out about your relationship with Spike (they had walked in on you both in a compromising position that no amount of excuses could explain), you got a call from Giles. He had still been looking up a way for you to go home and he had finally found one. 

It was time for you to choose. Between the prophecy and going back to the future.

“Y/n, I’ve found it! You may go home” he offered, an aged scroll and a tablet with runes carved on it in his hands. You stared, in shock. You knew what this meant. It meant you could go back home to your family. Your friends. Your life before you met them all.

“I, uh…” you just stared. Things had been rocky for a while, you had been under suspicion for your relationship with Spike when they had found out, but everything had been getting back to normal now. You had barely thought about returning to 2020. You had made a life here.

“You do not have to do anything with this, y/n. You may, ah, wish to think about it. Or I could put these to one side if you ever did in the future want to go back. But I will be the first to say that you are one of us. None of us will take any pleasure in saying goodbye” Giles knew your fears, that the group would want you to leave because of your relationship with Spike. They weren’t pleased with it, but the arguments were over now. Everyone was still fond of you.

“Thanks, Giles. Can we keep this between us for now?” You asked and he nodded, hiding everything away safely until it was needed. 

Since that talk with Giles, Spike noticed you had been off with him. He tried asking, but you had snapped and he had become irritated. You had stormed away in the middle of the day so that he couldn’t follow you, avoiding an argument. You took your time coming back, having to think over everything. Should you go back to 2020 or stay in Sunnydale (with perhaps a perilous prophecy to fulfil).

When you returned, you told him everything. An honesty you both had tried to maintain throughout your relationship. You poured your fears, your apprehension and then he looked in your eyes, took your hands and offered you another option. an option you had never even considered until now. Your eyes widened, could he really love you that much?

“You’ll never be able to go back, love. Think about it. I’ll understand if you’d rather try to look for that portal again to get back home” “I love you and I want you to stay here... with me” He finally said it. What you were hoping for him to say. Your grin spread across your face, nothing would have taken it from you. This moment, it was special.

“I want this, Spike. I want you” You confirmed, “You are home to me”

“You think you can handle an eternity with me?”

“I can give it a try at least” You smiled as he rolled his eyes.

He stared into your eyes, testing if you were serious before casting his gaze back to your neck. He could feel the steady beat, your trust in him. 

He leaned in, you braced yourself. He held your head back, cradling it. His mouth lingered despite his lusting for your blood. His face shifted, fangs now protruding from his mouth, the same eyes now a different colour scanning the unmarked skin there.

It was as if in slow motion. He whispered his affections for you, landing a soft kiss on your pulse point before his jaw opened. He moved in, teeth starting to pierce your flesh. You winced, hissing slightly and he paused but your hands moved and you nodded your continuing consent. He continued to intake your blood, swallowing the thick viscous liquid as if it were his last meal on this plain. 

When he managed to pull away, he sliced his palm, offering you your first taste of his blood. You gladly accepted, licking the cut before sucking hungrily. You pulled his hand closer to your mouth as he stroked the back of your head with his other hand. Your eyes darkened, wanting him, wanting to be filled with his blood. With anything he wanted to give you and offering your soul in return. Your soul was his to take.

This was forever. Bound by the love coursing through your veins. This was big for him, he had never sired anyone romantically before and he knew he never would again. This was a bond he only wanted with you. He loved you so much, to have you by his side was a gift to you both. 

You drank until your body slumped and he had to hold you up. Taking on your weight, laying you down on his bed. lovingly placing the covers over you. He lay himself beside you, on his side facing you, over the bedclothes. He stroked your cheek, it was as if you were sleeping. But you had no heart beat. You weren’t breathing. Your skin was hardening, marble-like. He smiled at this, a thumb gliding across your cheekbone.

He wasn’t grieving, he was in anticipation. Hoping your kindness, charm and laid-back nature wasn’t lost during the process. This had gone wrong for him before and he was desperate for all of the human qualities to be with you during your reawakening. 

After what felt like an age, your eyes opened and the first thing you saw were his sparkling blue eyes staring back. The smile on your lips mirrored his as your face shifted for the first time. Elongated fangs and a ridged forehead were now the new addition to your features, and he loved you more for it.

“I never would have thought… after everything” you sighed, having woken up from what felt like a sleeping-beauty style 100 year sleep. You thought about where you had come from. How you had met, how he had threatened you, how the Scoobies - your friends - had reacted to your relationship with Spike. It had all been worth it to be here with him like this.

Your joints were stiff, your senses heightened. But your love for him was just as deep as it was before. Your genuine nature bruised a little, maybe grazed but not removed from you the way some vampires appeared to have their good qualities surgically taken. 

“Well, the Powers-that-bloody-don’t have a funny way of working things out” he shrugged, not able to stop himself smiling that it was really still you. 

“Now, come on pet, I want to show you the afterlife properly” He smirked, pulling you up from bed to follow him, about to show you the joys of the hunt. He could tell you would be hungry, he was ready to show you everything. He was so pleased he had truly found someone that loved him the same way he loved them. Someone he could cherish, that would cherish him in return. Someone he could hold long into the day and not worry about some other vampire coming along and catching your eye. You were both in deep. And happily so.

This was the start of your un-life together. Little did either of you know, in a couple of months time, Spike would no longer be able to kill a living thing. A chip would be embedded  into his brain. You would stay by his side, a precarious truce with the others still. Your soul almost intact, but never quite in the room. Your love for him would never die, even through the tough times that were coming. 

Your prophecy something you would have to encounter eventually, but you could both face anything as long as you were together. Bound together for an eternity.

[caitlinsfandomthoughts]

Watching Star Trek TOS For the First Time! Season 1 Reaction

I’ve been a TNG, DS9 and Voyager fan for maybe 10 years but had never watched TOS until I decided that I would. And then I realised I couldn’t live with the possibility of the internet not being able to know my incoherent rambling reactions if it so desired. Most of these were written the day after I saw them but with the early ones it was later so sorry if I don’t remember your favourite.

Season 1:

The Cage: Be still my beating heart why must number 1 leave the show? Why?! Imagine a world in which Majel Barrett got to continue to be her in the Star Trek universe instead of Lwuxana (sorry I don’t love her) and Nurse Chapel. She’s so beautiful I love her. And she gets to where pants and be the second in command. While the episode for sure has sexist moments it does seem like there was more of an actual effort to present to future as having gender equality. When you compare this to the ultra mini skirted version of the actual show, it does feel like executives went through it to make it more marketable. It’s been noted by others that she is quite similar to what Spock’s character became: the cold, logical one, while Spock smiles in this episode. While I ended up loving Spock I still would’ve loved to see a woman in that kind of role, especially in the 60s. Although I’m not sure she would’ve been treated that well.

So Vina can’t like, get medical treatment from Starfleet doctors who know how to put a human body together? No? We’re just gonna leave her there? She’s too ugly? She’s better off living in a fantasy world where she’s pretty? Ok then…

The Man Trap: I don’t even really remember this one so I’d have to rewatch it.

Charlie X: Charlie sees women and becomes an incel, Kirk has to try and teach him not to be. This is a decent goal that somehow culminates in a space boxing match. Kirk loses his shirt. Sexual tension is presumably resolved. Uhura sings.

Where No Man Has Gone Before: The pants are back. Man becomes some kind of god and Kirk beats him up if I remember correctly.

The Naked Time: This is where The Naked Now comes from. This one was less sexual, which is probably a good thing, and less drunk, which is too bad cause I love drunk Crusher and Picard trying to focus on work while their brains won’t brain. Highly relatable mood. This one is where the immortal line “sorry, neither” comes from, spoken by Uhura in response to Sulu calling her a “fair maiden.” According to the internet that was an ad lib and I so hope that’s true cause it’s amazing. Also according to Spock Sulu is a “swashbuckler at heart” which is cool and all but I wish we got to find that out by him actually being a character that we know the personality of rather than a background diversity guy who gets to say a couple of lines sometimes. Also each to their own but shirtless Sulu is infinitely more attractive than shirtless Kirk.

The Enemy Within: Bad. Women at Warp podcast said it best, it’s bad because they say the evil Kirk is still Kirk and is needed for him to be a good captain/person. This could’ve been ok if he didn’t do something so irredeemable, or they could’ve not had him be defined as a true and necessary part of Kirk, but you can’t have both and sell it as an ok message. Rand not being able to look at ‘good’ Kirk after really makes it feel real, her acting in general makes it feel too real.

Mudd’s Women: Women take beauty pills that make them have makeup on and men find them too ugly to marry without them even though they are still beautiful. Also said women were kinda slaves but don’t worry about it! *hand waves*

What Are Little Girls Made Off: I don’t know what the title has to do with the episode. This is the episode where Nurse Chapel is introduced even though she was in a previous episode. And she’s taken more seriously than I thought she would be. Kirk gets an android version of himself made by a guy who he already doesn’t trust and doesn’t predict that maybe that’s not a good idea. Apparently to make an android all you need to do is put one person and one dummy on a giant plate and spin them around real fast. If only the guy who wanted to take apart Data in Measure of a Man knew.

Miri: Problematic. I think the crush angle could’ve worked if it was one sided, but Kirk played into it and it was creepy, and you know, also manipulative, assuming Kirk doesn’t actually feel the same way and is using it to get her to help them. That’s my more charitable interpretation anyway. Also McCoy doesn’t know how vaccines work. Also this episode doesn’t know what puberty is, or rather when it starts. If the virus is supposed to get to you then, that starts round the preteen age. Miri is older than that even though she’s not an adult.

Dagger of the Mind: This was the first one where I was starting to quite like it and it was feeling a little more like Star Trek to me (I know this is the first Star Trek but there’s a certain way 80s/90s era Star Trek feels to me). I really liked the beginning where it was setting up this whole maybe prisoners become violent because of how the prison treats them thing and that it was challenging the viewpoints of some of the main characters, although McCoy was already team prisons are bad and I love him for that. It then went more into the lobotomising asylum type story which was still ok. The guy turned out to be a doctor rather than a prisoner which I didn’t like cause I wanted the prisoners to be humanised. Although you could’ve done a “see anyone, even ‘innocent’ non criminals can be turned violent with this treatment” but they didn’t really emphasise that.

The Corbomite Maneuver: I don’t remember this. Kirk playing poker with some alien I think. Edit: I’m been informed this is the one where the alien turns out to be a lollypop guild kid lip-syncing to an adult’s voice, which I do remember, and probably thought it was some kind of sleep-deprived fever dream.

The Menagerie Part 1 & 2:  I laughed so much when they wheeled Pike out and I finally got the Futurama reference in Where No Fan Has Gone Before. I mean I obviously knew the whole thing was a Star Trek Reference, but I had never seen that specific imagery before and now the joke makes sense! Also Pike wanting to go back there seems kinda wrong. I mean they say he’s a vegetable mentally I think but he doesn’t seem to be? I can kinda get that he’s got more incentive to be there than Vina who could probably be helped by Federation doctors but also, he hated that place and spent the whole episode trying to get out of it and it doesn’t feel like a fitting ending for him.

The Conscious of the King: And here begins Star Trek’s love affair with Shakespeare. The only thing I have to say really is, if I didn’t mishear something… a father and daughter played Macbeth and Lady Macbeth? A married couple. And no-one thought that was weird? She was the daughter of a dictator though so there was an Ivanka Trump vibe.

Balance of Terror: Romulans. Spock wasn’t sure that they were related to Vulcans till this ep, though he suspected it. How far back did they split for it to be unknown? I like that the Romulans were sympathetic and we had scenes with them just in their ship from their perspective, and they had some conflicting views with each other. And I really like how Spock was suspected as a spy cause racism and of course he wasn’t and saved that guy cause he’s the better person. That said I found this episode pretty boring and I don’t know why. I kinda wish it turned into a witchhunt situation and was more about the racism on the Enterprise, kinda like The Drumhead from TNG.

Shore leave: Wtf was this episode?! And I don’t ask that because the white rabbit from Alice in Wonderland showed up, or that it was a random holodeck planet episode, that’s fine. When the White Rabbit appeared I was just like, ok it’s going to be one of those episodes, that’s fine. Holodeck episodes are fun, I don’t even mind a random magic alien or two appearing for no reason to wreak havoc, say by making everyone larp as Robin Hood, that’s all Star Trek, that’s Star Trek doing a Star Trek, what I didn’t like is this episode goes nowhere! McCoy sees the White Rabbit, we’re off to a good start, Sulu “Swashbuckler at Heart” sees an old gun that he geeks out on, cool. Kirk sees some woman of course. Also there’s some guy fending off a tiger. Random female guest star of the week rather than letting Uhura be part of the story gets her uniform torn by some guy. Then she imagines a princess dress and if that were me as soon as I realised I could think things into existence I would just imagine all my dream clothes. Kirk imagines an old student friend who is attempting very hard to be Irish (thank you Colm Meany for saving us from this).

Anyway so the planets a holodeck cool. And I’m like, Spock should beam down, I wanna know what he’ll see, this is where the episode could get interesting. And then it happens, but nothing happens, they don’t even make much of a deal of him not seeing anything. But then I thought what if! What if Spock didn’t beam down and this was another imagination?! What if he was some alien with some ulterior motive OR better than that we get to see Spock as imagined by whoever was thinking of him. You could go down a very fanfic road if it were Kirk’s imagined or desired view of him, or maybe you could show different people’s perceptions and then they still suspect he’s not acting like himself even though it’s how they see him, but its not quite right, cause it’s not actually how he is. Or at least I thought they were going to find out what was going on. But NOPE none of that happens. Instead leprechaun guy shows up again and Kirk just wonders off to fight him for the next fucking millennium! The uniforms they wore at the academy seem like they were made out of better quality material than that of a Starfleet captain’s. Poor Kirk must be having to replicate new uniforms every other day. Then they laugh I think, and sexual tension is presumably resolved. Then the aliens show up and are like yeah this planet is a holodeck we thought you’d like it also McCoy died but he didn’t and I’m like THEY DIDN’T CONSENT TO THIS. But then they decide to party.

It reminded me of a Red Dwarf episode called Better Than Life where they knowingly go into a virtual reality game which is basically the same as this planet. But over time Rimmer keeps sabotaging what he imagines cause he hates himself so much his brain won’t let him have nice things. And it’s still a comedy, but there’s an opportunity for exploring the character’s psyche with this setup that wasn’t done here and that made it boring.

The Galileo Seven: This episode was good!! In contrast to the last one it delivered on promises it made, it had a satisfying ending, it’s probably my favourite so far. The whole time I was like this should be about how Spock can be wrong and logic isn’t everything to be a good commander. But given the quality of the previous episodes wasn’t that great and Spock was always right about everything I didn’t trust them to do that. BUT I WAS WRONG. I thought it would be about how just because you don’t have emotions doesn’t mean you can disregard those of the crew. But instead it was about how he couldn’t predict their enemy wouldn’t act based on emotion rather than logic. And then he admitted he was wrong and helped the guy bury the other guy, and then they were about to die and McCoy was like at least I’ve lived to hear Spock say he fucked up. And then Spock jettisoned the fuel so that it might act like a flare but it gave them less time and I was like no you’ve learned nothing! Don’t just do things that severe without asking your crew. But then after they were saved it was described as an act of desperation rather than anything logical and Kirk was like that’s an emotion isn’t it? You acted on emotion? And Spock was like well yes but I’m not gonna say it like that.

I like that emotion was good actually. I think it’s a fine balance between the message of its ok to be different and using Spock as an analogy for racism, and inadvertently neurodiversity, but also not buying into the idea that emotions = weakness and lack of emotion, or emotional repression = objectivity. Even if you don’t factor emotion into your decisions (which would be impossible unless you don’t experience emotions at all) it doesn’t mean that you don’t have personal biases in your perspective. So I’m glad Spock was wrong for once.

The Squire of Gothos: This is Q this is Proto-Q. He does all the same things that Q does; he shows up in clothes that are way out of date (and he thinks they’re from 900 years ago when they’re clearly early 19th century) and he flirts with the captain. Oh and he has powers, maybe they were computer powers, but not all? And he goes on about humans being brutal, warmongering people but he’s kinda into it. He fights Kirk but there was actual tension so it wasn’t annoying like the one with the Irish guy. And then it turns out he was just a kid exactly like the Futurama episode, except he is a kid not 35. I think him being a kid makes the flirting seem weird though.

Arena: Kirk and the Gorn at Tanagra. Kirk fights a lizard because aliens wanted to encourage them to not fight by telling them to fight. I thought maybe these lizards could be proto Cardassians but then I thought they can’t be they don’t talk, but then he spoke so I thought they could be, but then he was the one who was invaded and was only defending his people so I thought they couldn’t be, unless that was actually just lies and justifications in which case they definitely would be, but then that would undermine the message of the episode so I guess not. I wonder how many leaders have killed each other before these alien’s negotiation tactic actually worked.

Tomorrow is Yesterday: This was fun. There were a lot of twists and turns. I wonder if it was before or after the moonlanding. Every plan just makes it worse and more and more people keep getting exposed to the future. Kirk could’ve easily just closed the door and beamed back at the end but instead opts to punch like six people. (I think this is where “a woman?” “Crewman.” Comes from).

Court Martial: What if Kirk actually did it though? Would that be more interesting? Maybe. At least here he has an age appropriate love interest. She’s prosecuting against him which is surely a conflict of interest. AND she has a uniform with a longer skirt! And it actually looks good, like it looks like an actual dress that she can sit down in and it still looks like a dress and not a crumpled up shirt. It’s elegant but it’s still short. I could see this being an option (for any gender) as a dress uniform but it would still make no sense when they’re serving on a ship.

Return of the Archons: I am LIVING for Spock in a medieval style hood. It’s giving me Peter Cook in a Mother Superior’s wimple in Bedazzled vibe, it’s not quite on that level of beauty, but it’s close. For some reason Sulu returned from the planet in 18th century gear but then everyone else is dressed like it’s the 19th century, with some medieval robes thrown in, and this annoys me more than it should. Maybe it’s because he’s a swashbuckler at heart. Apparently they had a completely peaceful society except for the nightly purge they seemed to have going on that is never mentioned again.

Space Seed: KHHANN! I liked this a lot until the end. I want to know the lore behind Data’s Dad having his middle and last name. Edit: Actually only the middle name is the same and the last name is just similar. I still think there’s lore there (excuse the pun), probably he’s a descendent of his cult followers or something. The story seemed to be eugenics bad and also the type of guy to basically be a eugenics cult leader would be super manipulative and abusive but just charming enough in a relationship. It does a pretty good job of showing the abuse in his relationship with the historian woman, how he switches between being loving and I guess charming, and flattering to being abusive and degrading. I wish that the historian woman could find someone that she can explore domination and submission with consensually cause that seems like it would be what she really wants. Anyway but in the end they just let him go? Like he tried to take over the ship but they were like here have a colony. They compared the place to Australia when the colonists arrived at Botany Bay and that it could be... I forget what the word was but basically ‘civilised’ and No NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO STOP RIGHT THERE NO Australia was already populated and didn’t need eugenicist cult leaders who were demonstrably bad to show up make it ‘better.’ AND THEN the historian is given the choice to go with them and she does and its framed like it’s good? Or at least ok? When they just did a pretty decent job of showing how abusive and manipulative he was and she had redeemed herself by turning against him? So I get that they probably wanted to bring him back although they’re probably not gonna bring her back, but they could’ve easily had him escape instead.

A Taste of Armageddon: Suicide machines. I forget the rest.

This Side of Paradise: SEX POLLEN! Well it’s more fall in love pollen, I guess, for one character. There’s a woman and there’s the music and the soft focus and BUT WAIT then the camera cuts to Spock not Kirk! Because she has taste. It’s about this point that I think the ‘Spock’s the most popular but Shatner wants to remain the star so we’ll emphasise their character’s relationship thus inadvertently inventing slash fic’ might’ve started. It’s time for a love triangle! She makes Spock get the sex pollen, which is not getting consent, and then he falls in love with her and is climbing trees and is all happy. Kirk can’t get a text back from Spock. Then Kirk and two others get the pollen except Kirk didn’t, but he did, but anyway I thought everyone would be horny but they weren’t they were just brainwashed. Soon Kirk is all alone on the bridge, then he gets the pollen and is happy to live as a poly triad but then he gets angry and it’s gone. Then he calls Spock to the ship and approaches the situation in the only way Kirk knows how: Homoerotic punching! So they fight for not long enough and then Spock is cured but he’s a little sad, there’s sadness in his voice, it’s not quite so matter of fact. Then Spock’s gf gets sad and the sex pollen is gone too, Spock might still have feelings for her but he has responsibilities to the ship and “to that man on the bridge” which if he was saying to just mean once again the whole ship, and its mission and the captain in a professional sense, seems a little redundant, which would surely be illogical.

The colonists get sad that they haven’t done anything for years because the sex pollen made them unambitious but I would argue maybe the sex pollen was right and you were better off just vibing. This episode was more interesting and less silly than I thought the creator of sex pollen would be. At the end Spock says that for the first time in his life he was happy. While every other character could still easily become addicted to a thing like that they could at least know they would experience happiness or any feelings again in their life, for Spock it was going back to nothingness.

Devil in the Dark: Spock calls Kirk Jim which I don’t think he has before, when he’s talking over the communicator and he’s worried he’s in danger, there’s some actual fear or urgency in his voice. Also the moment that got me was when Kirk wanted to send Spock back the ship cause he didn’t trust him to kill the creature and Spock was like “but… I’m not really as useful there I am here… so…” If I was writing it I would’ve played that up more but anyway, I like that they didn’t kill the creature. I like that McCoy said the thing. And also said “I’m starting to think I can cure a rainy day.” He’s my favourite.

Errand of Mercy: It’s kinda becoming the Kirk Spock show now, I like the ship but I miss McCoy. I like that the passive pacifists who Kirk was so angry with were actually more powerful. And KLINGONS! Oh yeah the orientalism, the yellow peril, it’s… it’s there all right. They were played a lot colder here, a little Cardassian maybe, still bloodthirsty but I don’t believe this guy has to do it himself to feel honourable, he can kill for sure but he’s fine ordering someone else to do it and being a chessmaster too.

The Alternative Factor: God this one was boring. But it does have a man with the worst beard wig I’ve ever seen. Now he’s stuck fighting the bad version of himself or something to save the universe. So remember that when you’re watching later Trek series, all of this could suddenly be destroyed if one of them gets tired.

The City on the Edge of Forever: UHURA GETS TO GO ON AN AWAY MISSION! Aaaand she doesn’t get to do anything :/ The usual three go back in time! To the 60s again! Oh wait… that’s meant to be the 30s? Oh. That’s some tall hair that lady has for the 30s. But at least said lady is a character, she’s a little perfect but she does things, she has strong beliefs, she might be written a little idealised, but she is still written like a person compared to almost every other Kirk love interest. “He says it (captain) even when he doesn’t say it” is an interesting line. So she has to die, I still think they could’ve just convinced her that you don’t make friends with fascists but ok. They never say what the Clark Gable movie is.

Operation Annihilate! Kirk’s brother dies, and so does his sister in law, leaving his nephew without parents. This is never resolved and the episode ends with them laughing about how Spock got his eyesight back.

[power-of-plot]

Armin Arlet x Fem! Reader. Oneshot. -Strong-

The first paragraph is purely a small introduction, just in case you wanna go straight to the fic :)

First of all, thanks for reading this! So! i often considered posting but i'm insecure, today i somehow got the confidence and courage to post -definitely not due to watching anime motivational speeches-. I wanted my first post to be something special so i dived deep down into my thoughts for a couple hours, i'm pretty happy with my choice so hope you enjoy it! My apologies if this sucks.

WARNINGS: Some sadness ig? -Armin being a pure soul. Fluff

Summary: Armin suddenly gets an injury during ODM gear training. After Reiner and his protective nature lend a helping hand, you see beyond the walls of his stoicism, people around him made his lack of strenght clear as day and he seemed to accept it but you never wondered if that caused him any pain at all. He needs to know everything has more than one meaning including what is called strenght, you gladly stay by his side to remind him different doesn't mean wrong.

Year 848 three years after the Colossal titan's misterious appearance, in Paradis Island Keith Shadis trained and yelled his lungs out at what soon would be the 104th Cadet Corps. Like any other day, the young cadets rutinarily trained to master the ODM gear, it all would have been the same as other sessions if it wasn't for Armin Arlet, your close and femenine looking friend who in a reckless (and failed-) attempt of proving himself strong to his group discretly tried performing a complex manouver resulting in him crashing into a tree. The few people ahead of him who stopped momentantarily to admire the manouever slowly resumed their way to the target they've had been assigned, just after a couple minutes of trying to walk bearing the pain the silhouette of someone along with the sound of gas and wires pulling something was getting closer by the second at the injured male. "Who's t-.. oh no.." Being around that person for so long made his oceanic eyes know who that brawny body and short blond hair belonged to inmediately, his deep voice shouting erased all the doubt. "Armin!" Reiner said rushing towards him as soon as his feet touched the the grass. As he looked for injuries, finding a twisted ankle, scrapes and bruises; Armin confirmed his suspicions: Reiner had dropped on what he was doing again just to help a single person. Right when he thought the guilt couldn't turn bigger he heard another familiar voice, this one belonged to a female. "Reiner! I saw you going back, what happened? Wait- Armin?!" Your voice turned alarmed after your (e/c) eyes catched a glimpse of your friend's characteristic golden hair, as if that would magically heal his injuries you rocketed towards your comrades at full speed. The crash- landing was rather ungraceful but it was merely trivial compared to an injured friend "(Y/N) are you-" Reiner held out his arms as he walked towards you but you ran past him leaving him standing alone with his arms opened like a rejected boy "Armin!!" You crouched down to him as it seemed he couldn't stand up, worrying you even more "...Hey (Y/N)... what are you..." His glance went lower as the guilt and shame's hand pushed his head down "What do you mean what am i doing? I noticed Reiner was going back from the front and i couldn't find you!- Hey what's wrong?" You asked after noticing a hint of sadness in his eyes, tilting your head and resting your forearms on your knees "Nothing, i must have hit my head that's all.." -because i dared prove something even myself knew full well- He replied blunty, making an adition mentally. His analytic mind was acting as a double ended weapon, either overnalyzing each and every one of his flaws or making the weight his frail shoulders were already carrying heavier. "Armin get on" Reiner said kneeling down turning his back to Armin so he could get on "Hm? It's not necessary, i-i'll just take my time to- ah!" Without further asking the muscular soldier turned around scooping your friend up from the ground into his arms bridal style, his eyes fixed on the grass and his lips released a soft sigh as embarrasment was displayed on his face. In other situation you'd have joked about how he looked cute being held like a baby but a hunch plus his face kept you completely from doing so. "You want to recover fast, don't you?" Reiner asked preparing his equipment to propulse himself again "Y-yeah but why.." "You'll only worsen your condition if you try walking, bear with it just for a while. Besides, what kind of soldier would i be if i left a friend behind knowing i can help him?" His hazel eyes noticed you were about to say something so he remained still to let you get close "It's okay don't be so hard on yourself i just crashed on the ground a moment ago, how did you call it the other day..? You didn't make a mistake, it was a happy accident! (Armin is Bob Ross.) How did you even find out about that manouever anyway?" "I've been analyzing the instructor's movements for a while now..." You deduced Reiner would take him to the infirmary wich he confirmed with a nod after you asked and so, it didn't take a single second for you to decide you'd go with them. The three of you flew and swung across the forest though it seemed like it only was you and Reiner, Armin was so quiet for a moment you even thought he was asleep.

------------------------------------------------------------------

"..Thank you very much Reiner" The blond thanked him now lying on his bunk, his ankle was bandaged up and his minor injuries were treateed "No problem, don't do anything until you're sure it won't hurt you got it?" "Don't worry Reiner i'll keep an eye on him 'till he's good as new!" You said cheerfuly with a smile as you sat by Armin's side, not caring a bit you were of the few girls in there. Once Reiner walked to his own bunk with Bertholdt you turned to Armin with a curious look "So what're you thinking about, you've been very quiet so it must be serious. Any new interesting thing about the outside world?" "Not really." His response was blunt again, something was definitely on his mind otherwise you couldn't explain why he wasn't as talkative as always. As he quietly stared at the matress above him you tried figuring out what could be bothering the boy since it was a lost cause trying to make him say it, you learnt this after countless tries, thankfully you could always ask for some help with Mikasa; her skills at everything including reading people were so good it was almost frightening. She wasn't there at the time and you couldn't rely on the others forever, a small leap of faith wouldn't do any harm, would it? There was only one thing you could think of. "Armin you are not weak." Your (e/c) eyes looked straight into his blue ones, silence reigned between you two before he hummed softly as if trying to deny "Why so?" It was as you suspected, he was blaming himself for making a simple mistake (-rolling girl vibes- sorry xd). You sighed resting your back on the headboard as your hand gently grabbed his forearm "You know it's not a bad thing to make mistakes, it's an everyday thing" "If we do become actual soldiers we'll risk our and the other's lifes everyday. This training is hard to make us strong, to make sure we don't make a single mistake that could lead to a tragedy" "You are not weak Armin." Your voice reasured in a firmer but gentle tone, he believed in what he had proof of, you would give him the proof he needed. Before he had the chance to turn on his side your hand grabbed his shoulder, making you two lock glances again, for your surprise small tears were forming on the corner of his eyes "I'm sorry.." "D-don't apologize it's okay! Come on let me help you what are you..?" He sat up shaking his head refusing to let a word out even when the tears slipped down his cheeks, it was painful to see Armin weep yet not ask for help, you've had been told he was like this since his childhood but it still was hard to believe and who knows if his overthinking made dealing with things on his own easier, he wouldn't try comforting himself. You sighed placing your hand on his shoulder and moving your thumb caressing the skin beneath his clothes, small muffled sobs could be heard coming from him "After that day on Shinganshina.. hundreds of people were sent there as if they were able to fight the titans, they didn't care if they were kids or elders- my grandfather went in my place, i know it wouldn't have made much of a difference but" He made a pause to try making his breathing go back to normal and hold back his tears, leaving just a small trace under his eyes "But he raised me, he gave me a name.. and i simply let him go straight to his death- i didn't make any effort to tell him i would go because i was scared.." You had to lean closer to listen clearly to what he was saying since he didn't want to drag anyone's attention besides yours "Sometimes i wonder what kind of things must have he felt when he realised he'd die alone..? I want to become a soldier to keep that from happening again, even though i'm just one it'd make a difference if only i.. wasn't such a weak coward" As he spoke you could almost feel the weight of his guilt resting on your shoulders for a moment, had he always been hiding in a shell? Ever since he was a child? A tear sprouted from the corner of your eye imagining how many times he suffered silently. You put your finger to your lower lip as you analyzed what your next move should be, after all it was Armin you were talking about, not all words would have effect on him "Strenght... physical strenght is not the only important thing, YES it is important in a soldier but the mind also matters! I can't lie, you get scared easily but so do i!. What about the snake from the other day? Someone had to remove it from your leg after you paralyzed but you were brave enough to not kick or scream in panic" Let's accept it you sucked at motivational speeches, your attempts usuallly ended up making him chuckle but it was some progress taking in mind you had no idea how to comfort him at the beggining. This time was no exception, he grew a tender smile but it faded away in matter of seconds "Come on Armin, you may be a little slim but what you don't have here-" Your hands abruptly dropped on his arms specifying you refered to muscles, then, your middle finger poked his forehead making him flinch "You have it here" "..What was that f-" He was cut off by your finger presisng against his lips "Shush- you are smart, incredibly smart you just have to see it! We all fall on our butts and feel scared of small things sometimes but that is what makes us humans, if we didn't feel fear or anything at all we'd be just like the titans!" You felt impressed of your own words, the look on his face made it clear he echoed the feeling. You wathed him move with his hands towards you before pulling you into one of the warmest hugs you've ever experienced; he held you so close and tightly you could feel his heart beating against you. "Thank you." His head rested on the crook of your neck, the gold strings of his beatiful hair falling over his face and tickling your nape slightly. You corresponded the gesture by eveloping him into your arms, slowly moving your palm up and down on his back "No problem....... Christa-"

Oof! That was long, congratulations if you read the whole thing!