#them being dumb

[killektric]

they kept this for 5 years

[shotmrmiller]

roommate soap who catches you masturbating because nothing else quite takes the edge off like a little death or two but instead of looking surprised and pivoting, he stands there and looks perturbed.

yer doin' it all wrong, lass. it's no wonder ye always strung tight.

you go from mortified to insulted in seconds, but before you can even snarl at him to leave, he's already dragging his big ass boyfriend in the room, still fully appalled at how you're mistreating yourself.

got tae see this, simon. appalling, it is.

and now you're being manhandled into different positions, toys long abandoned for thick fingers and coarse palms, lube replaced with spit and they'd left you with the destabilizing knowledge that the first peak they'd brought you then had been humiliatingly fast and efficient and somewhere along the way, fingers had been replaced with tongues.

(that you had to almost crawl yourself to the bathroom after your long nap and they hadn't even fucked you is embarrassing.)

[chloesimaginationthings]

How Michael and Jermey became friends in FNAF

[thimblings]

Viago would never allow his child to grow up this dumb, please.

[captainadwen]

Damian Wayne vs the World

Sixteen year old Damian Wayne is on the hunt for a younger sibling. Being more discerning than Bruce 'child collector' Wayne, Damian's firm criteria for Batman's latest adoption problem includes but is not limited to: black haired, blue-eyed, tolerable humor, not evil, and most importantly - younger than Damian.

Lucky for him, fourteen year old newbie vigilante Danny Fenton is the perfect fit. Now, to fulfill his end of their deal, Damian must defeat the evil government organization hunting Danny in order to gain a baby brother.

Or, @livinghalfway your post made my brain go !! but in such a different way I figured it was better to make a separate post, hope you don't mind/enjoy still

~~

Damian Wayne re-entered Tim Drake's life like a gnat revealing itself in a closed bedroom space. Tim was in t-shirt and a boxers, maneuvering ramen into his mouth with one hand and scribbling out an epiphany on a murder case with another, when Damian's demonic dulcet voice echoed down from the ceiling. "Drake," said Damian, judgemental, "You live like this?"

Tim nearly choked on his ramen, because the day Damian doesn't attempt to murder him - however doubtfully accidental this incident might be - is the day Darkseid decides to be friends with the Justice League. "Fucking knock," Tim coughed out. "And get out. No one invited you in."

"Put better traps if you don't want me here," said Damian, dropping from the ceiling where he'd crawled in on wall-clamps.

"This is my apartment," said Tim. "It's called courtesy."

Damian sniffed. He padded around to Tim's desk and frowns at his cases, then said, with no further lead up, "I need your assistance."

"No," said Tim.

"You did not even listen to my request."

"Don't need to," said Tim. "Answer's still no. Door is that way. Bye."

"Father says mutually assisting each other is beneficial," said Damian.

"Father," said Tim sarcastically, "blamed me for you exploding a glitter bomb in the batcave two weeks ago."

"That is your fault for not being able to provide evidence to the contrary in an appropriately efficient manner," said Damian. He squinted down at Tim. "And he apologized. Eventually."

"I would not have glittered the batcomputer," said Tim. "Do you know how much of a pain in the ass it is to backup those servers? No, because you don't like tech work, you just profit off it."

"Blaming me for Father's mistake," said Damian, "Most mature of you. But we must put our differences aside. I have selected a new family member and I need you to dismantle a government organization."

That drew Tim up short. He blinked down at his ramen as though it might explain Damian's words to him, but the ramen remained disappointingly uninformative. "Repeat that," said Tim, gesturing with his chopsticks. "Slower, and with more detail."

Damian pulled out his phone and sent him an email. Silence surrounded them in the brief moment it took Tim to set aside his chopsticks and open the email. The subject line was titled 'New Baby Brother', which birthed all sorts of horrifying nightmares of Damian Part 2: Demon Child Boogaloo. The teen in the inserted picture, however, was reassuringly not in possession of Damian's bone structure.

He did have black hair and blue eyes. "Who am I looking at?" asked Tim.

"Daniel Fenton," said Damian. "He is fourteen years old, enjoys puns, and has recently awakened 'ghost powers' that allow him to transform into the vigilante Phantom to fight other ghosts."

"Is he also an orphan with a tragic backstory?"

"No," said Damian, and Tim relaxed. "But that will not be an issue. We can share custody if they cannot be removed from the picture."

"Jesus H, kid."

"I am joking, of course," said Damian blandly. "Murder is wrong."

"Ha ha," said Tim. "If he has parents already he's not joining our menagerie."

"He will," said Damian, with a smug upwards tilt of his lips. "He and I have a deal."

"So you're coercing him in addition to stalking him. Anything else you want to share with the class?"

Damian considered this query with a serious frown, which was how Tim knew this was not a flight of fancy or a very early midlife crisis (although with their lifestyle and Damian already having died before...).

"He has," said Damian after a moment, "a rogue that calls himself 'The Master of all Technology' and is a technopath." This was clearly meant to be of interest to Tim, and not to be a stereotype, but it kind of was.

"Great." Tim turned his attention back to the email the demon child sent him. He scanned through it quickly. There was apparently a secret and evil government organization dedicated to the investigation and extermination of 'ghosts' and other paranormal creatures in the world. Their latest efforts were focused on the town of Amity Park, Illinois, which was 'infested with ectoplasmic pests'. Their words, not Damian's. (It was specified in the email.)

"Okay," Tim drummed his fingers against his desk. "Before I help you defeat this secret evil government organization so that," he opened the email attachment with a contract on it and squinted at the legalese, "this poor newbie teen you've harassed into signing this joins the family in exchange."

"I did not harass him," Damian huffed. "It was a gentleman's agreement."

"Does he know that?"

"I am not a politician, Drake. I thoroughly explained the terms and legalities before presenting any contract. Now ask your question."

"Why are you doing this?"

"Because," said Damian, tone implying 'you are stupid and haven't noticed something obvious, idiot'. "Father has begun saying he misses the noise around the manor and looking wistfully at old pictures."

"We still live there though?" said Tim. Damian looked flatly at him. "Sometimes."

"If you lived there frequently enough," said Damian, "you would already know Father is having...empty nest syndrome." Damian sounded disgusted. "I refuse to tolerate whatever inadequate and incompetent child he will find."

"So instead you found an incompetent and inadequate child for him?"

"Don't be stupid, Drake," said Damian. "I would not have chosen someone inadequate. Daniel is merely lacking formal training. Father can rectify this. It will keep him occupied for at least the next two to four years, which gives me enough time to find another black-haired, blue-eyed, tolerable child I approve of to be his successor and my second younger sibling." Damian paused. "Or until one of you procreates and gives him a grandchild."

"You're really serious about this," Tim whispered in horrified awe.

"I am serious about everything I do," said Damian. "Now, you will help me defeat this evil government organization so that our new sibling joins us."

"Okay," said Tim, but his mind snagged on a minor, throwaway detail, so utterly in odds with Damian 'Demonic Jealous Child' Al Ghul it surely came from another person - "Did you just call this kid your successor?"

[risibledeer]

joel being a Disney princess

look everybody my art is arting properly again! also pls send me any asks as i'm awfully bored lol

[hitmewithsomebooks]

James who one day has a smudge on his glasses

They’re usually pretty clean, it’s the one thing he keeps up on (to see, yk?)

But he’s talking to Regulus and suddenly Regulus is staring at one of his eyes and James is kind of concerned and confused a little lost in Regulus’s pretty eyes on him

And then Reg just grabs his glasses, cleans them on his robe, and slides them back on his face (positioned perfectly, might I add)

James who begins to purposely get things on his glasses

Dust, food, mud — one time he purposely dumped a bag of flour over his head (and walked around blindly till Regulus grabbed him, cleaned his glasses, and left the rest of the flour).

Just so Reg will look at him, so he can feel his fingertips brush James’s face when he takes hold of the glasses, just so he can see that amused little smirk.

And yes, Regulus catches on. It’s quite obvious, in true James Potter fashion.

But he doesn’t say anything, doesn’t call him out. He just keeps cleaning those glasses. Cuz it makes them both happy.

[hinamie]

itakugi sillies fr the soul

[noxcheshire]

I just think

It’d be really neat if Danny looked more like Martha Wayne than Thomas Wayne.

LIKE

I love the Danny Fenton looks like Thomas Wayne or Danny Fenton is Thomas Wayne reincarnated — but the BEAUTY of Martha??

Of Alfred interacting for under five minutes with Danny, dabbing his eyes and going, “That is indeed Martha,” I WANT IT. I want Martha who was spunky and sassy and wanted to do good for her town the same way Danny wants to do good for Amity Park.

I want Martha who loved to take Bruce and the family out to star gaze because her baby had never seen the stars before, and the way his eyes light up like a mini galaxy takes her breathe away the same way that Danny feels when he turns his head up to the sky yearning for something he knew loved but doesn’t know what.

I want Martha who would literally find trouble in a paper bag because she can’t help her curiosity the same way Danny can’t help tripping over his own ghostly tail and making a mess of things before he figures things out.

I want Martha who would fight men who thought they held power, going absolutely feral from stress the same way Danny does when he’s tired of not being able to do his homework or pick up a vacuum against the wall to clean because ghosts.

I want Martha who loved the pearl necklace that Bruce had picked out for her birthday, and Danny reaches towards his neck and startles when his fingers only touch skin when he is certain there was something supposed to be there. I want Danny whose eyes linger on whites and pearls when he passes by open window stores in the mall, fingers itching to flick a nail against the smooth surfaces.

I want Martha who died bleeding underneath the hand of a gun, hoping to everything above that her boy would be safe, and Danny whose body burns at merely looking at the makeshift guns his parents create in the lab, his heart pounding desperately with a yearning to save there was someone she wanted to save the ghosts.

[egophiliac]

Since book 7 part 5 (the part where we meet Meleanor/Maleanor 👀) is coming to EN this month, i would love to see your take on lilia’s proposal to meleanor! i mean they were like little kids right? it couldn’t have been that serious…i think the only reason she even brought it up again is because she could tell lilia still genuinely loved her…(even if he didn’t realize it himself?) but, oh well! Let’s think about silly childhood shenanigans to numb the pain! ^_^ (orz)

oh shit?! get ready for a doozy guys, it's comiiiiiing ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

I chickened out of posting the whole thing (look, I get VERY carried away when it comes to these wacky kids and their Tragedy), but I do believe that it probably ended with Lilia getting embarrassed and just shoving the first thing he sees into his mouth to try and cover for it.

(we're just lucky it wasn't a frog this time)

[samwitcch]

should we get carrots tomorrow?

[triona-tribblescore]

He's a little silly but we support him all the same <3

[yuwuta]

f2l with katsuki but there’s nobody who rides harder for you two being a couple than izuku and not even in a weird pining threeway kind of way. just genuinely, from the bottom of his heart, he’s always believed you two should be together. he’s always watched you two growing up, he’s always chased after you two, he’s always seen the way you both lean into each other and still find space to pull him up too. he thinks you and katsuki deserve each other, he knows you two are meant for each other. it’s excruciating for izuku to watch you two not realize it for so long, heartbreaking to watch kacchan figure it out but not say anything, and the worst pain of all is watching you date other people because you’re too stubborn to realize your soulmate is has been right next to you your entire life. it’s exhausting, and izuku is bitter about it.

and petty. whenever you mention you have a date, his response is always “is it with kacchan?” “huh? no, it’s—” “that’s too bad then.” he pretends not to remember any of your boyfriends’ names and somewhere along the way he just stops pretending and really doesn’t care to learn them. he’s sweet and all smiles with everyone else, but the second someone other than katsuki is interested in you, there’s a straight frown on his lips. he’s out for drinks with katsuki and he’s noticed some guys eyeing him from across the restaurant, so izuku goes to greet them while katsuki is in the bathroom, all bright smiles and hero facade beaming as he signs the shorter one’s baseball cap with a sigh, “kacchan is handsome, right? you should see his girl, she’s stunning too,” capping the sharpie and any potential plans for flirting for the evening. he’s spent many nights gossiping with mitsuki and inko about you two, crying about how seeing you two dating other people is harder than any other mission he’s ever been sent on.

sometimes izuku just wants to shove the two of you in a locker and keep you in there until you decide to be together. he spends so much time with his chin in his palm, sighing with such yearning for a relationship that isn’t even his own. his eyes are soft right now, watching you and katsuki in the communal kitchen of the agency. there’s a slight glare shining through the glass walls, but he can see your smiles bright as day. you lean with your back to the counter, stirring your tea mindlessly as katsuki faces you, arms crossed but posture relaxed, no doubt saying something to rile you up judging by the slick grin on his face. you’re much shorter than him, but izuku remembers the days when you were taller than both of them back in second grade; he thinks the height difference panned out nicely. kacchan could lean down and kiss you right now, izuku wishes he would. a soft smile paints izuku’s face—they only keep that tea in the cabinets for the days you decide to visit, and katsuki only teases to hear your sharp tongue counter him. he must be in a particularly good mood today—or maybe, he’s happy because you’ve visited—judging by the way he throws his head back with a hearty cackle after you’ve said something to him. that’s good, hopefully you’ll keep his spirits up when they leave for patrol later. izuku gets so caught up in his daydreaming that he’s startled when there’s a knocking on the glass, and now you’re next to it smiling at his startled face and waving to him. he looks at you, then back to katsuki, who’s shadowed you to the glass wall, hovering protectively like he always has. izuku shakes his head in disbelief, but waves back. he finds the glass fitting, a window he’s looking into. he just hopes the scene changes to something more romantic sooner rather than later.

[poppy5991]

I see so many cutesy posts imagining Shoto and Touya growing up together which is lovely, but it does make me wonder if many of you actually grew up with siblings.

Where are the drawings of Touya body slamming Shoto into the ground because he dared take the remote and change the channel hmm? Just because in your todofam AU is happy doesn’t make that Cain instinct disappear babyyyy

I know Touya would have threatened to light that kid on fire if he doesn’t get out of his room RIGHT NOW I SWEAR TO GOD YOU’RE SO ANNOYING IS THAT MY FREAKING SHIRT

[slarxsa]

Reminder that the context for The choice was death or hurting Adam, which wasn’t much of a choice at all. was that Adam was possessed and strangling Ronan to death and Ronan didn't want to try and stop him in case he broke Adam's wrist because they felt fragile. He was happy to die so that he didn't accidentally break Adam's wrists. Wtf Ronan.

[the-witchhunter]

DP x DC worlds greatest detectives ramble

You ever just get a bit tired of the batfamily being dumb?

Sure I appreciate a good “Danny is weird and the Bats try to figure out his deal and draw wrong conclusions based on incomplete evidence” fic as much as the next guy, and I’m definitely not saying not to write them

But the thing is, they’re all really smart. It’s their whole thing, they’re a family of detectives that dress up in colorful costumes and fight crime, but detectives nonetheless

And I get it’s for humorous effect to have otherwise intelligent people be incredibly dumb about one thing, but it’d just be nice to see them be smart sometimes. Even in a fic where they’re drawing the wrong conclusions, it’d be nice to see them use their detective skills

Like build a case so solid Danny questions whether they’re actually right about him and if he’s just confused

Or just apply it to more conventional situations/crimes

Because frankly it’s funnier if you show they’re smart before having them do something really stupid

If you build them up a bit, then it’s funnier when they fall down.

“Where did he go? It’s like he vanished into thin air!?”

“Don’t be silly, see these scuff marks? Someone recently went down this way. The gravel here has been disturbed indicating this manhole cover has been moved recently. Now if we just prop this up…”

“…huh, is that…?”

“Killer Croc and not the twink we were just tracking?”

“Yeah, that”

“Yeah, that’s killer croc… hi Waylon”

*large scaly hand darts out and drags Bat in question down in the sewers while Danny watches invisibly*