#the party over productions
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i feel like people are sleeping on the occam's razor situation of how buckwild it is to outright accuse a guy of being a clone of your friend even if you DO have a lot of circumstantial evidence. there's other options is what im saying. they could just be like. a guy. that's a sensible deduction. you should explore that deduction. ignore my shirt that reads I <3 RED HERRINGS.
i still think odile has the correct theory on lock but she's smart enough to know it needs like... a real smoking gun to be able to bring it up without sounding insane.
anyway. (mirabelle voice) i know its rude to speculate but has anyone else noticed the grieving? they seem to be grieving. does anyone have any thoughts on the grieving? i have some thoughts on the grieving.
#[isabeau voice] am i insane or does sometimes loop talk like they might have killed their whole family. is that just me? just checking.#nille design highly inspired by @kiwibrain's since its the one that imprinted in my mind. liberties taken since i didnt look @ reference#anyway i have a lot more thoughts on this? i guess ill hide them in the tags...? scroll down i suppose.#isat#in stars and time#isat spoilers#in stars and time spoilers#isat act 6 spoilers#isat loop#isat siffrin#isat bonnie#isat nille#isat fanart#in stars and time fanart#doodlebyte#----------------------------------------------------------------------#anyway the extra thoughts. are literally just my general thoughts on postcanon. (and thus are the context for all of my postcanon doodles!)#which is i think nille joins the party before loop reappears for a start (either from a period of nonexistence or just wandering around)#and that like. i think the party should be able to integrate loop as a completely new person. because they are! the secrecy isn't great but#They and Siffrin shuffle into different ecological niches in the party (eg. i think sif is more squeamish after it all but loop isnt)#and while it's not *exactly* what Loop wanted they get that beggars can't be choosers. and its pretty good#(i am glossing over how i think loop's reappearence drags both them and siffrin into a massive behavioural backslide and is likely a bit#distressing to watch go down. cycle of argument -> lovebombing -> normalcy -> repeat. etc etc. but since they are no longer literally#stewing in the worst pressure cooker of all time they do resolve it via productive conversation on their own time. its fine)#the party well-meaningly tries to deduce things from loop's vagueries and are able to pin down the DEAD FAMILY vibe pretty quickly.#but eventually the question of their prior identity falls by the wayside because well! they're just their friend loop! (also change belief)#as for how The Truth Come Out... this is what i mean by The Isabeau Torment Nexus(tm). which is that i think... isiloop should almost occur#BEFORE isabeau knows who loop is. he's just genuinely charmed by them eventually and tries to close the open end of the polycule#which FREAKS LOOP THE FUCK OUT because thats just too genuinely sick and wrong. and obviously w emotions high its not a great confrontation#ANYWAY told u i had more thoughts. if i were normal itd be a text post but.
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eli moskowitz - "am i making you feel sick?"
#blu edits#cobra kai#eli hawk moskowitz#demetri alexopoulos#hawkmetri#binary boyfriends#binary brothers#sorry randomly got bonkers about their dynamic in my head again#i love when demetri is spiteful give him edge give him that streak of pettiness he's always been secretly proud of#hes 17 his only sources of true joy are schadenfreude and free food#he humiliated eli at that party and he enjoyed it and yea they make up but he gets his licks now bc he's owed and eli lets him bc he's owed#and eli's approach to redemption is all roll over puppy eyes im sorry i'll do anything 'just tell me im yours' like thatll make it better#like thats productive. but he cant build demetri a sparring deck out of this so if demetri says jump... if demetri says join my dojo...#and so demetri will run him through his paces ragged for penance but it doesnt make it better and he looks at hawk and still feels sick#(and yes he loves him ofc he loves eli but that just adds to his turning stomach every time he sees those eyes looking up at him like that)#(its worse bc its eli making him feel this. not hawk doing something evil but eli trying to do something good and demetri still feels sick)#(because who does that shit and then comes back belly up like letting demetri claw his guts out makes them even)#(because who can claim to love someone and still get a kick of satisfaction out of making eli bleed <- verbally emotionally metaphorically)#(not physically. never physically. obviously. that's eli's thing. and so demetri's a leg up on him.)#^ im promise im a fan of interpreting them where theyre happy too#this derailed from the edit#if ur for some reason reading this then however you first interpreted this is prolly correct. i went a little rogue here in the tags
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I recommend being tactically mediocre at your job if you can possibly get away with it because people are always telling me oh Kat you are a model employee, you are a shining star in our workplace, so can you do this and this and this and
#i got off probation last year and I literally threw my own party#bc I suggested it for ppl getting off probation for morale reasons#and they were like great idea! you can arrange it#I am arranging another thing tomorrow and have been driving all over getting catering ready#and I bet like 6 people will come even though *they* asked me to do it#I demonstrated basic knowledge of a cloud product and now I've been tapped to do a demo at a staff meeting#when (if!!!) I have surgery and take time off I'm blocking everyone's numbers
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you ever just. become overwhelmed by a sudden out-of-nowhere wave of tenderness and affection and longing for reconnection directed towards someone to whom you no longer speak for Very Good Reasons
#‘out of nowhere’ she says like she hasn’t been doing a lot of reading/thinking recently about various tragic messy breakups#and the later regrets of the parties involved#anyway. tell me not to text her#it’s been over two years since the last time we talked… absolutely no reason to break that streak now. lord give me strength#she was really fucking mean to me! like objectively intentionally unwarrantedly cruel! it ruined an entire year of my life#and fundamentally changed me as a person on a deep level! there’s a lot of things i used to like about myself that i don’t think i’m ever#going to get back#and yet every once in a while we have to do the whole ‘maybe i could make things right’ song and dance 😔#the thing is most of the time i’m not even really angry with her anymore like enough time has passed since all the shit went down that#really i just sort of look at her behavior and feel sad. both because of the impact on me but also because of the ‘that’s really how you#felt you needed to act towards someone who cared about you? you couldn’t have just expressed your feelings in an honest and productive way#instead of just lashing out in the cruelest possible way and ruining the entire relationship beyond hope of repair?’#and i feel bad and sorry that it went that way and honestly i kind of pity her and hope she’s gotten some of her shit worked out#so i’m not like. actively pissed off at her anymore. but also i can’t think about her without thinking about the worst year of my life so 🙃#i don’t actually feel that trying to reopen that door would be very healthy for me at least#we did try a Reconciliation of sorts a couple of months after the initial falling-out and while it was kind of helpful for me in that she#like. apologized lmao. and affirmed that i wasn’t crazy and she did in fact On Purpose say the most hurtful things she possibly could have#said to me given the information she had at her disposal. and that i really had not done anything to her that could warrant that. etc.#it also left a sour enough taste in my mouth that i just don’t see a future where the two of us spending time together is enjoyable for me#and yet… the regret will always live inside me i think. maybe if i were a stronger person…#caseyposting
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In yet another episode of "the witches can be morally grey and have possibly corrupt power but will gang up on anybody else trying to do the same" Bad vibes yall, bad vibes. 'good rp' or no, you don't steal loot, and you don't try to gaslight your friends.
#critical role spoilers#like this is episode 95 dawg#you either trust your party or you dont at this point#this halfsies stuff is getting tiring#do not ever speak to me about loss again#bro had his WHOLE FAMILY AND HUSBAND murdered by the woman using this blade#this is not a competition but if it were you would be losing#I get it's a warlock thing but this feels like something youd see on rpghorrorstories#like it's straight up “it's what my character would do smile” thing#I think CR gets a bit more leeway bc it is “A Production"#but I still think that was a little over the line in terms of 'playing a good game'
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another appearance by asia kate dillon as LOS via the 7th moon girl's lab short, "coding" =']
#LOS in the LES on the LAN (party)#''as the kids say'' they are SO cherished#with the frequent kick up in pitch / tight voice of Excitement like hand to forehead. what a dear & delightful character#thanks to dreams inspiring ''let me just check their imdb again'' like a series of Shorts well i hope that's on youtube (yes)#& here we are :) love to Feature them again like yes recur even more. Why Not b/c they're a) a delight & b) a flexible role lol#they can just Exposit & Do Whatever as exhibited thusly. scan complete some asshole detected#LOS-307#asia kate dillon#our good dear friend the adorable nonbinary autistic repurposed (b/c they felt like it) chess supercomputer guidance counselor bestie#was also <_< abt like hmm released in '24 might not get that Voice On T change but that would rule (not majorly enough to tell imo)#looking up s3 lore yields months old ''Maybe'' & one [idk what if any source] In Production Expected To Air Feb '25#& i'll take the average of that as ''if it's in production; or going to be; yes akd's voice will be audibly lowered'' It Would Be Great#like really a gem to just happen to have a trans VA's voice change present in recordings over a several year range here#but ofc already a gem what a fun role. i was just thinking about what a cute as hell delightful gift they are#and about ''yeah akd can do Intense Standout Even While Quiet Presence but give them more rambunctious playful lively ones too''#glad we Do have some more of those already. more LOS more ''give us another closer passing look at their apparent partner'' more concerts.#they're amped!! as the kids say!!! mmmwah i am kissing them#also why does akd's imdb page not credit them as narrator for one [visible: out on television] episode & featured on another. c'mon
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IVE JUST FINISHED THE NEW CHAPTER AND
GOOOOOOOD
IM SOBBING SO BAD
IT DOESN'T HELP ETERNAL STARTED PLAYING ON MY SPOTIFY AUGHAUAGAHAUGAGAU
it's okay.. take my hand.. remember that they'll be in each other's hearts forever....
jokes aside thank you for reading!!! <33
#answering asks#tellodona#the mention of eternal reminds me#there's a sort of pattern with the brother ensemble songs where it goes like#1. a more upbeat dance-y number with more whimsical lyrics#then 2. a love song#it goes like#it's my party / eternal#on your way / with you#and to a lesser extent spooky night parade / magic moment#as much as the production quality has improved over the songs i have such a soft spot for eternal#it just feels so earnest
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to be honest with everybody I don't think I'm supposed to be here. I think I'm supposed to be somewhere else
#talking#when i was young i would play the same games over and over and i would think obsessively about what was beyond the area provided#i wanted so desperately to see the inside of the apartments in castelia city i would spend hours thinking about it#imagining what im missing#thinking with certainty there would be more to the game if i could just get to the points out of reach somehow#that same feeling of believing theres more out there but being locked out of it by some third party keeps happening#ill have dreams that feel infinitely more familiar and certain than the memories and experiences i have in real life#ill be gone for months only to wake up and learn none of it happened and it was just another product of my imagination#feels like im going nuts when i say i dont think the life im living is correct or accurate or. what word do i want#genuine? i dont feel like this is as real as it presents itself to be#i really dont know how to explain any of what im feeling without sounding like ive absolutely lost my mind. honestly maybe i have lost it#i just know that in my dreams the 'abnormal' events that occur feel infinitely more organic & real than the events that occur when im awake#like at some point in my childhood i fell into this parallel universe and nobody ever came to retrieve me so now this is how i live#all the surrealist media was right. i think im supposed to live somewhere more infinite and less. real? grounded?#i dont know. thinking about it makes my chest hurt#i dont know what the hell any of this is todays tag talk sort of got away from me and for that i applogize#ill toss it in the queue since ive been so chatty lately#saw this was still in the queue so im coming back to say i watched a movie about things like this#and i truly felt like i was dying#very fun
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sincerely and genuinely you guys are just Saying Stuff 😭😭
#yall learned the term social construct and havent shut the hell up since 🤣😭#'that doesnt sound very punk to me!' eat my entire heavily medicated stoner ass dude#clearly you don't care but if you had bothered to do as little as read the wikipedia entry for the straight edge subculture#you would know that hardcore straight edge historically DOES actually disallow caffeine and medication.#and also casual sex and consumption of animal products.#straight edge is a reactionary subculture in the punk scene. it's a response to the hedonism that characterizes a lot of punk scenes.#i have issues with straight edge ideology too!#but you clearly are not actually familiar with that ideology and you're just reacting to like. patty walters on twitter or something#also while you didn't actually criticize straight edge ideology here you DID succeed in undermining people who choose to be sober#so that's cool of you. i bet people feel real safe with you at parties#this post has over 200 notes btw 😭
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A weekend in photos!
Got to take my perfect pony Luna on our first trail ride together and she was super! Hesitant about the water at first and then charged thru it!
Went to the Rockies game for my friends birthday and saw a beautiful sunset and had a great excuse to wear all the purple. After the game we went to a bar that I swear is just string light themed and I got to walk thru this magical archway.
And I managed to squeeze in some nice relaxing time on my swing with a book and a unicorn ice cream cone
Crazy that this one of my least busy weekends in awhile so I also did a lot of house tidying, laundry, mowed the lawn, meal prepped for the week and spent a good chunk just sitting doing nothing. Feeling relaxed recharged and somehow also on top of my life
#what a great weekend#and I even got so many good food photos!#I mean yes my friend Brande took over half of them#but it still counts#one day I will be better about taking photos#maybe#but what wonderful fun#a productive and fun weekend#a unicorn#amazing what can happen when you don’t have a frisbee tournament#and aren’t hosting a party#I should really do less to live more more often
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it just dawned on me that never once did I share anything regarding my Limbus OCs, cause I wanted to have everything ready - including their art - by the time I posted them, but I'm kind of impatient, so I'll just talk about one of them: Victor Frankenstein. I have a couple good drawings of him so I might attach those in a follow up cause I have most of them on my phone. ANYWAYS, let's get this bread
Victor Frankenstein
Peculiars: Solitary, Paranoid
Weapon: Galvanism (Modified Stun Baton Staff)
Associated Colour: #6B8778 "Rot Green"
Affiliation: Limbus Company
Occupation: LCB Sinner
Literary Source: Frankenstein by Mary Shelley
Associated Sins: Pride, Wrath, Gloom
Base EGO: Never-Ending Hubris
He joins LCB after the creation of the monster, who, in true project moon fashion, is a little bit more fucked up than the source material, as instead of just standing there Menacingly he actually attacks Victor on sight, breaking his jaw really badly. He gets an operation where he's given a prosthetic and is picked up by Vergilius shortly after.
His base EGO art, Never-Ending Hubris, depicts him in his collage dorm wearing the LCB Sinner pyjamas/prison outfits stitching the monster together- who is obscured by a white sheet. There's a couple of mementos like the medal with his mother's picture in it, a family photo, and a seperate picture of Elizabeth etc. The EGO itself would involve him having those electroshock thingies yk the ones doctor's use to revive a patient and him freaking tf out thinking the monster is still out there
The abnormalities I would kin assign to him are Shock Centipede (AEDD), Wayward Passenger (Dimension Shredder), Alleyway Watchdog (Telepole) and perhaps Pink Shoes (Roseate Desire).
His canto I imagine would take place after William and Justine's death, where Victor has a mental breakdown cause he knows he could have done something about Justine's verdict, but probably wouldn't have actually said anything to protect his own pride - much like in the novel. The Sinners try to find the culprit and eventually encounter the monster, who named himself Adam, and this is where we get a mashup of both Victor and Adam's backstory, where we're show the events as they happen simultaneously, though I've yet to think of an ending for it. Maybe they manage to "defeat" Adam, giving Victor the semblance of closure for delivering justice for both his little brother and adopted sister, and sarajinae plays. Idrk tbh, probably.
So far this is all I have for my funny guy, glad I finally got this out of my system tbh, have a nice rest of your day
#👁️ podcast#limbus company#limbus oc#lcb oc#also this has some spoilers for the frankenstein novel but idk if it should actually be tagged. its like over 200 years old man#just watch the video overly sarcastic productions made on the novel. its a really good summary.#if you have 20 smth minutes to spare#i do have another lcb oc based on a hungarian psychological novel called Anna Edes#where the titular character is a maid who is abused by her employers to the point that she snaps and murders them after a house party#ive still yet to figure out the nook and cranies of her character but i do have a basic idea on what i wanna do#might also do a follow up when shes done (cause ive still yet to read that novel tho i WILL after reading dorian gray)#and then get to working on her. i have a very basic idea of her appearance ofc so I might doodle that if i dont forget
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the thing about trying to employ some kind of "rating" system for books or trying to prevent certain people (even children) from reading certain books based on content that is deemed too "extreme" (which btw is a notoriously slippery categorization that will almost always be entirely based on the biases and preconceptions of whoever happens to be in power) is that:
a) unless you are going to take absolutely draconian measures, which i ~assume~ that most people ostensibly on the left who advocate for this sort of thing are not in support of, things will inevitably slip through the cracks and the whole exercise will ultimately be ineffective
b) you have to be comfortable with whatever happens when the people who DON'T share your beliefs and values grab hold of power and can then use the rating/censoring apparatus to further their own goals. for instance, think of all of the book bannings of LGBTQ and POC writers that have been ACTUALLY HAPPENING IRL in iowa, florida, etc.
c) WHO exactly determines what is "inappropriate" or "too scary" and how do they make their decisions?? different things scare and trigger people for different reasons, some of which they probably don't understand themselves, especially when they are children. to bring in a personal example, when i was 6 years old, i remember being OBSESSED with the movie elizabeth (1998) which is a biopic about the early reign of elizabeth i of england. for those who are unaware, this film features scenes of people getting burned at the stake, beheaded, poisoned, not to mention loads of fucking including what i believe is a brief orgy scene. i LOVED it. by the same token, i would not TOUCH any of the r.l. stine goosebumps books because i thought they were "too scary." and i KNOW for a fact that i was not the only kid like that. so like.......if you want to "protect" the children.......how do you take this sort of thing into account?
and tbh, the key thing to me is that whatever adults decide is "inappropriate" for children will inevitably be more of a projection of their own anxieties than what the child's might actually be.
#i could say A LOT MORE about this topic but i will stop there#i also come to this having been a child who was literally SCARED OF EVERYTHING#like no seriously i could never go to birthday parties as a kid bc they would always have clowns or people dressed up and i hated that#tbh i think what that taught me is that many fears we have as children are completely irrational#and as adults it is much more productive to interrogate them rather than to continue to succumb to them#okay rant over (for now)#purity culture#personal#text
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Something that makes me happy #44:
When someone wants to spend their free time with me
#something that makes me happy#mental health#positive thoughts#mine#social anxiety#positive habits#positive thinking#productive thinking#productive thoughts#I’m so lonely most of the time because my anxiety gets so much worse when I’m out in public#so obviously my friends don’t really see or talk to me much over the weekends sometimes because they’re out partying and I just don’t
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...
#ay ay ay. now that the soul crushing project is done ive elected to spend the week managing data#which is decidedly more chill than what ive been doing for the last month but also isnt not doing anything and it isnt getting stuff done#for when i have to move. so thats annoying. and ive been drawing again at least but i can feel the escalation in my controlling behavior#so its now very frustrating trying to draw anything. coloring is gonna take a million years rip.#also suddenly everyone wants to b social rn? like tomorrow my boss is organizing a thing with an old lab mate and this weekend a#collaborator is having a retirement party. and next week my lab mates wanna do a trivia night. and i kno that i should go to these things.#and i will try but i really dont want to go to any of it. mostly for driving reasons but also im a husk of a person rn. but the more#devastating thing is that uh next week one of the kids i grew up with is getting married to a rich girl lol. and like we werent that close#bc i was and am such an asocial freak but after the wedding my parents r picking up their new camper and camping their way across the#country with my sisters. and im sure someone probably told me the dates of these things at some point but if u tell me dates i will#instantly forget them. so thats. ya kno. happening over basically the next 2 weeks while i have to kill myself over measurements for a#different study i dont care abt. and like. its fine. ill see them mid may for a different planned trip. it just makes me kinda sad#a product of living halfway across the country i guess. im just inherently more disconnected to everyone. i would suspect thsts semi#intentional subconsciously. u cant b upset abt not being able to connect with ppl if you create enough physical distance that u never see#them in the 1st place. u cant misunderstand me if i make myself absent and unknowable. idk. i was explaining to my mum that i didnt realize#the timeline and she was like. understandable whatever u wanna do! and idk y that upsets me so much. i guess its just that i dont want to b#doing this. its causing me pain but dont kno how to articulate it in a way that makes sense. whatever. my mouth hurts. my lips r so chapped#that the irritation is spread past my lip line. probably doesnt help thst i keep rubbing at it lol. anyway things r still annoying#less soul crushing thsn last week but still frustrating#unrelated
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always like omg i REALLY want to read and watch this particular show and this movie and take a walk and i cant do ANY of it what is WRONG with me im just paralysed into doing this one activity thats sucking up all my time whats wrong with me )))):
and then i remember it is a major effect of adhd, a disorder i have had my whole life<3
#just trying to be gentler with myself BUT ALSO trying to foster healthier happier habits#which is hard bc im a pushover about myself sbjdnsd#i feel like its universally difficult to do productive or disciplined things at the end of the year yknow#december to me is a write off month. its the pizza party week of months. the year is Over. we're done here#i am sooo unnecessarily anxious about tomorrow but i think/hope once its over ill be able to at least#try to set up the first step towards good routines for the new year#only starting bc im going away next week so any routine will be erased anyway but its the thought that counts
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I spend so much time reading medical journals that reading social/anthropological journals feels like playing a gameboy
#Creepy chatter#I'm on my like? sixth or seventh? study#And somehow I've moved from psychosocial compulsive smoking to anthropological studies on avatar and its social effects#the academic opinion of avatar is surprisingly different than expected#They seem to largely refute the arguments that avatar is colonialist/misogynistic/racist(noble savage argument) but for unexpected reasons#Academia views the avatar franchise in a more abstract manner--focusing more on the environmental messages than social#Whereas (arguably more online) public opinion views it as a denigrating depiction of indigenous peoples. It's a pretty large disconnect#Ofc the same public/academic disconnect was routinely pointed out in the smoking studies as well#No one seems to be looking for the lay opinion regarding the avatar citicisms though#They're just starting to do it for tobacco research and it's shaking a lot of fundamental academic opinions to their cores#Reading NIH social studies on smoking repeatedly saying reduced nicotine products do not reduce smoking and nicotine isn't the danger#(combustible smoke inhalation is) and then looking over gov PSAs and civil resources on smoking and they ALL state nicotine#as the MAIN reason to avoid smoking (bc it 'causes addiction'). Study after study found it to be a social soothing behavior and more of a#addiction to the ritualistic repeated nature of smoking. Smokers/former smokers mostly reported similar opinions that its not the nicotine#But these were all RECENT studies since vaping hit the mainstream. Prior studies w severe disconnect to the layman never considered#the contribution of the social/psycho/physical factors beyond the effects of nicotine in the brain.#Fuckin WILD I bet the academic opinion of Avatar would have more nuance if they included the relevant layman parties#There was a very interesting study on avatars reception in hawaii that found that indigenous participants overwhelming found the movie#to be be far less far fetched than white participants. In particular they found the majority of white male participants#found the movie to be 'like a dream' or 'far off fantasy' with no real narrative to be made about reality (positive or negative)#But most other studies only referenced the opinions of other anthropologists and they resoundingly believe the film to be#an environment call to arms that shouldn't be seen as representative of any unique conflict in reality beyond#consumerism vs sustainability. It's pretty tone deaf tbh!
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