#ill toss it in the queue since ive been so chatty lately
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to be honest with everybody I don't think I'm supposed to be here. I think I'm supposed to be somewhere else
#talking#when i was young i would play the same games over and over and i would think obsessively about what was beyond the area provided#i wanted so desperately to see the inside of the apartments in castelia city i would spend hours thinking about it#imagining what im missing#thinking with certainty there would be more to the game if i could just get to the points out of reach somehow#that same feeling of believing theres more out there but being locked out of it by some third party keeps happening#ill have dreams that feel infinitely more familiar and certain than the memories and experiences i have in real life#ill be gone for months only to wake up and learn none of it happened and it was just another product of my imagination#feels like im going nuts when i say i dont think the life im living is correct or accurate or. what word do i want#genuine? i dont feel like this is as real as it presents itself to be#i really dont know how to explain any of what im feeling without sounding like ive absolutely lost my mind. honestly maybe i have lost it#i just know that in my dreams the 'abnormal' events that occur feel infinitely more organic & real than the events that occur when im awake#like at some point in my childhood i fell into this parallel universe and nobody ever came to retrieve me so now this is how i live#all the surrealist media was right. i think im supposed to live somewhere more infinite and less. real? grounded?#i dont know. thinking about it makes my chest hurt#i dont know what the hell any of this is todays tag talk sort of got away from me and for that i applogize#ill toss it in the queue since ive been so chatty lately#saw this was still in the queue so im coming back to say i watched a movie about things like this#and i truly felt like i was dying#very fun
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