#the worst part i think is that theres no way for me to show a non-player what i do without it losing a degree of its impressiveness

[siveine]

i think im so nervous about finishing my contract because i wont know what to do with myself afterwards. like, sure theyve forgotten about me and nearly abandoned me, and im quite literally being used then thrown away, but after i get my discharge papers im going to be without purpose again and i dont know if i can do it a second time

[todayisafridaynight]

chewing these until i explode and die

[hollis-exe]

they gotta put some sort of enrichment in my cave man i just spent 3 hours placing cubes

[marciliedonato]

me noticing paramore are on tour pretty much nonstop from the beggining of march to august 1 and the only things that are left to announce are eu/asia and aus/nz and they usually announce eu first so if they take a small break first they’d be going around europe at the end of 2023....near my birthday....so there could be a show on my birthday...

[cherrylight]

i have so many things i want to do on here!! oh my goddddd!!! i want to be unapologetically me! i just get so nervous and i fear like im being too much on here !!!!!

like!!! i want to post silly incorrect quote stuff on here :( and talk about my selfships and silly fandoms i love .... and my silly self insert that makes me so happy ... and post MORE AND MORE AND MORE BUT IM SO NERVOUSSSSSSSSS

it makes no sense !!!!! i mean i guess it does..... having someone who kind of puts you down all the time for the things you share with them makes you terrified to do literally anything and thats actually sooooooooo frustrating.......... wahhhhh

besides ........ i really wanna do something for my birthday blargh!! >_<

[mouthpoisons]

on viktor's doomed destiny as the magical harbinger of the apocalypse, sky being a secret mastermind, the butterfly effect, the message within the pattern, the arcane being a sentient manifestation of The Narrative and pushing everyone towards tragedy

so this started out as a halfhearted joke post that went something along the lines of ''maybe sky is such a nothing character because she was always the arcane's y/n x viktor self insert and not just after the hexcore eats her'', then it turned into me spending like a whole day examining sky scenes through this lens and acquiring a massive tin foil hat about it, and then while paying attention to sky i also started viewing the arcane as a whole as something conscious, malignant, the plot of the show itself manipulating and urging everyone, but especially viktor, towards it's end goal of him becoming heimerdinger's world ending mage. and then This post happened. because i was initially writing an analysis on sky, this post is mostly me talking about sky. i started Realising Other Shit about halfway through and i simply wont be rewriting what ive already put down. but the more i think about it and go back and rewatch parts of the show, the more this makes perfect sense and i'll definitely be coming back with a part two. part 2 will likely be about jinx because that ''use your explosive potential and maybe you can change your story'' line from vi, which we can only assume is directed at her sister, is doing cartwheels in my brain

this is massive and long and messy and its going under a readmore. enter if u dare

disclaimer because theres gonna be people who Seriously hate this and might wanna assume things about me because of it but i hope youll understand im coming from a place of pure story and meta analysis. this theory is unfortunately going to assume theres a manipulative ulterior motive to Everything sky says and does, and this is not written in any way to spite people who like sky as simply the sweet doomed lady who has a crush on viktor, skyvik shippers, etc. i honestly just think she is currently the worst written character in the show by miles and that that... cant be it. trying to attach any secret meaning to what she went through and her role in the story beyond ''fridged woman'', i promise, is out of love, despite what im about to spend a billion words accusing her of. i deeply want her ass to secretly be part of the craziest reveal in the show.

if anything im about to say stays one of the most crackpot theories about the show ever written, then i will firmly be a member of the ''she deserved better'' camp, in which you can all beat me with hammers if you want. anyway lets get right into it.

i think sky has been some kind of arcane manifestation who scouted out, has been keeping an eye on, and has urging viktor along the path he's been on the entire show, and not just after the hexcore ''killed'' her. i believe she is essentially another herald who foreshadows some of viktor's major character developmental moments, that she is the butterfly effect, that the arcane is a conscious character and she is one of the vessels it uses to manipulate the show's story towards it's end goal, which very much seems to be setting up viktor as a world ender. i also believe that she may have had one major instance of manipulating the trajectory of jayce's story in service of this

before i continue i need you to know i tried to pull up a wiki page about her just now incase theres any Extra Lore that hasnt appeared in the show and apparently all anyone could be bothered to write down for her is ''Viktor's assistant with an unrequited admiration for the scientist.'' lmfao. if there Is any missing lore, behind the scenes stuff, etc, id love to hear it, whether it supports or contradicts any of this.

ok then, whatever, what do i remember about sky. shes from zaun, shes viktors assistant, they knew eachother or at least met that one time when they were children, she's been doing her own private research, and she has a massive crush on/admiration for him. viktor doesnt pay her too much attention until she ''dies'' and then he is consumed by guilt surrounding her death. sky also has a pattern of becoming more and more ''relevant'' to viktor as the show goes on, and a lot of people have criticised this as a form of reconning her fridging, and yeah if all of this is bullshit then it might be, but if not, wow. i also vaguely remember hearing something about amanda overton being very proud of sky's character which... right now? youre kidding me. if literally any of this is true? holy shit, i get it.

as a last bit of additional context; this theory was also super inspired the other theory that the corrupted spot heimerdinger noticed at the base of the hexgate is where some of viktor's blood fell as he... divinely received the idea to build the hexcore? (that's going to be such a fucking facepalm moment for all of us in retrospect if im onto something here lol). it's one of the things that really got me thinking. he shouldn't have been in any way magical at that point. my theory is in essence a massive continuation of the idea that arcane forces have been having an effect on viktor for longer than we realise.

i'll pitch this theory primarily through some scene analysis, and mostly from season 1 since everyone else has ''wait is she being Bad here'' season 2 sky analysis on lock, most of us agree she's being strange and ominous after her ''death''. i might be the first insane person on earth to pitch that she's also being strange and weird Before her ''death''

i'll start with what might be one of my personal smokiest of guns and biggest Insane In Retrospect Moments, which has a lot of the core thematic stuff shoved into it and laid out quite plainly, then im just gonna go wherever the flow takes me. im not an essay guy. this will be messy and im sorry in advance.

in this scene, viktor is messing around with the hexcore. sky is watching behind him, and remarks that it's beautiful. viktor expresses his frustration at not being able to figure out the device, sky responds ''you will'', asks to walk him home with her, and he declines, saying that he's going to keep working on it through the night. sky doubles down, asking ''again? yknow there's always tomorrow, right?''. he dismisses her and she leaves. pretty much immediately, viktor passes out coughing up blood, which merges with the hexcore.

viktor has been established as a wildcard and a risk taker who doesnt like unnecessary stalling and delays. at this point in the show his health is starting to take a heavy toll on him. jayce has recently hit the pause button on releasing their new hextech tools (more on that in a bit). he's incredibly frustrated with the overall situation and is in tunnel vision mode. my theory is that sky very purposefully asked him to take his time, to give it a rest, knowing that he would do the opposite. this is an example of some potential reverse psychology sky demonstrates a couple times during the show. the other one is a very prominent scene in s2e6 that also got me Thinking about all this, the part where she says to viktor ''you once told me, all systems have limits'', and he responds by asserting vander is worth the risk. course vander's continued presence in the camp as viktor tries to heal him kickstarts the rest of the horribleness that happens that episode, which in the end makes viktor ''understand'' the futility of the human condition, and perhaps if he hadnt just gotten shot by jayce, wouldve been the moment he becomes the apocalypse wizard.

in this s1 scene though... she didnt really have to flex it here. the purpose this specific example would theoretically serve would be to piss off the audience upon rewatch, because we all thought she was just flirting lol

her assuring him that he will figure it out, and then a massive advancement happening instantly, is crazy. it's as if she knew what was going to happen, as if she heralded it into being. this is also her first speaking scene in the show which feels significant especially when it comes to retrospect potential

next i wanna talk about the scene where she may have, in a such a blink-it-and-youll-miss way, manipulated jayce's trajectory. this is also her first appearance in the show period

before jayces progress day speech, he asks viktor to come onto the stage with him, ''we're partners'', and sky adjusts her glasses while looking in on in the background. viktor declines, anxious about the idea of being on stage, and sky hands jayce his script.

jayce confidently reads from the script for a bit, but then changes his mind about what he wants to say, and this is when he hits the brakes on unveiling the new hextech devices, suddenly disappointing both viktor and mel, who he sought out for advice on the matter just a couple of scenes prior. his mind is assumedly comfortably made up about this. hell, enough to write a script, set up a presentation, and for mel and viktor to also be confident about how the presentation will go. the decision was extremely on-the-spot; it's a very awkward moment as jayce freezes mid sentence, we get several shots of the hexgem behind him, strange noises start chiming in the background (which do sound a lot like the mic feedback that's also going in that scene, but these ones seem.. different? certainly deliberately placed), and he suddenly decides against the tech demo. the shots of the hexgem behind jayce have the potential to be ominous as fuck in hindsight. certainly ominous enough to snap me out of simply writing a theory about sky, to thinking about the arcane's influence on the characters and plot as a whole.

this is a possible example of sky, as some kind of arcane avatar, manipulating the plot, with the goal of creating tension between jayce and viktor, and frustrating viktor with the stalling of their technology. after the progress day speech, jayce remains a lot more safety-cautious, and is given his councillor positon, which furthers the rift between them. viktor states all of this in their brief argument in the scene at the hexgate, before he coughs up blood over the railing and has his vision of the hexcore. within the context of this theory, it really feels like the arcane kind of saying to itself, ''all according to plan, he's ready for the next big thing.''

this now. on a personal I Was A Disabled Loner Kid Too Once level this scene has always bugged me and i never quite understood why most people seem to take it as ''aw their first bonding moment''

viktor cant play with the other kids because of his disability, so he hangs out on his own and builds toys. sky comes over, literally looks down on him from a cliff, seems very curious about what he's doing but only briefly, and is called away by her friends, leaving with a smile, as quickly as she arrived. she... acknowledges him, but that's about it. this scene is significant to my theory in that she appears, does her little bit, and then viktor meets singed, who shows actual sustained interest in him and his toy boat, and lets him hang out so they can ''be loners together''. this is a seed planting moment in so many ways and it even threatens to come full circle next week if singed is going to revive viktor again. this very well may well have been when the arcane, through sky, ''chose'' viktor, or at least decided that his story is to be put into motion now, and set him on the path. he literally gets up and starts following his boat down a river.

i'm also pointing out the butterflies in this and jayce's flashback scenes. i dont have much to say about them that a lot of other people havent already especially since butterflies and insect imagery started popping up Everywhere for jayvik in season 2, but yeah *vague hand wave* im pointing them out.

pausing scene analysis for a moment to talk about the idea of viktor really being The Center Of All Of This, as caitlyn said in the act 3 trailer, before i go onto the next bit.

viktor, for this whole show, has been so unbelievably doomed, and it's ramped up to the nth degree in season 2. he's felt especially at the mercy of outside forces to the point where me and everyone else are starting to get real tired of the lack of agency the story is affording him. he becomes terminally ill, he rages against the dying of the light for a bit, but then shit gets scary and he makes jayce promise to destroy the hexcore (and let him die), he gets jinx nuked, jayce revives him explicitly against his wishes, comes back from time prison and kills him again, its a mess. its infuriating. i think that viktor's entrapment by the narrative, and everything becoming more hopeless and out of his hands, is going to be extremely important in act 3. that him giving the biggest Fuck You to his arcane destiny and tearing away from the narrative with claws and teeth is going to be the moment he becomes our machine herald.

i wrote a much shorter post about this earlier, but since then i've also become confident that the bad ending apocalypse wizard viktor himself is who sends jayce back to destroy the hexcore, effectively breaking the cycle and thrusting viktor's story into uncharted waters, which he will Gloriously Evolve above, but only after singed puts him through hell and fills him with resentment for jayce.

ok back to scene analysis

viktor has already come close to breaking free of his predetermined path before. in the context of this theory, viktor's beautiful hopeful triumphant moment, seemingly having a massive breakthrough in rising above his fate and body, outrunning the boat, being immediately cut short by sky showing up and dying and throwing him into a pit of guilt, despair, and desperate need to atone, is in no way accidental. im about to spill whats probably going to be this post's most egregious sky character assassination so be warned i guess!!!!

to put it very bluntly, heres how this whole scene goes according to my theory. viktor gears up to transmutate himself again, but because he's doing so while so full of hope, in a way that's threatening to break him out of his doomed narrative, maybe even just the fact he's doing it to himself instead of jayce doing it in a frantic attempt to save him from death, sky steps in. viktor must die, physically, emotionally, before he becomes the magician.

sky takes the drastic measure of ''killing herself'' in order to curse viktor with the crushing guilt that would morph him into someone who desperately needs to pay for what he did. fix the world, no longer as a driven idealistic scientist, but all consumingly, obsessively, and devastatingly.

if sky didn't intervene, viktor presumably still would've become some form of magical purple guy, but it wouldve been... the best possible timeline? a timeline completely untainted by death? like imagine the cocoon emergence scene and that conversation with jayce but a version where he's not absolutely destroyed by guilt surrounding sky. he was so, so close to just outright winning the game.

as sky's walking down the hall thinking about how she's going to pitch her ''private project'' to viktor, she says something that's potentially a massive red flag hidden in plain sight. she says that she's been working on it for weeks, then changes her mind and says she's been working on it for a year. that's... a huge time difference? if it was months vs a year it would sound much more organic, but weeks vs a year? of course in the real life ''everything im saying here is bullshit'' world she's just figuring out how to pitch herself and sound impressive, but whichever way you look at it and no matter her intent, she was preparing to lie to viktor here.

back in my delusional mind palace, i think viktor's full transmutation attempt takes her (the arcane/the narrative) by surprise - she was formulating her next move here, but it becomes her having to throw a spanner in the works immediately in order to keep him on the path of despair, of death and guilt.

so sky's a pile of ash now. sky is a pile of ash. she wasn't absorbed by the hexcore, on the contrary it looks to be actively pushed away from it (metaphorical skin shedding?) something else is happening for her to be manifesting herself to viktor in season 2. there's also that extremely ominous freezeframe of her when viktor picks up her glasses, but i cant for the life of me get a screenshot of it.

viktor picks up and starts reading sky's journal, and i'll be honest i cant really find any hidden message in her words there apart from the idea that this wide eyed, sweet, idealistic girl that viktor has just let down drastically is some kind of persona. it does stick out to me how much sky seems to envoke a younger viktor - someone who's stuck in an assistant role when she has her own big dreams. This tragic reveal that this cute but inconsequential background character had an inner life and goals too… it's a shock! And it’s all very personal. He paid her barely and mind and now she’s dead because of him, this poor girl who was inspired, by him, to change the world, just like him. It’s like. It’s so tailor made to make him feel like shit.

the next thing that happens is viktor gets Big Mad and tries to smash the hexcore, but it goes ''nuh huh!'' and makes him fall over in a show of power over him. he's firmly stuck in this narrative now, and he wont be breaking out again for a while. the mask is off and his story is locked. he will die, one way or another, and come back to destroy the world.

viktor cant break himself out of the narrative anymore, it has him by the neck and it makes sure he knows it, but someone else promises to.

and he cant, initially. it takes betrayal through reviving him with the hexcore (exactly what it wants). it takes a guilt-ridden viktor being overtly guided along by a much more suspicious sky, for him to get so in his head about this cult shit that it approaches the event horizon of becoming all consuming, it takes jayce being trapped in a time loop desperately trying to find any possible way around this. but the destruction of the hexcore, the narrative, sky, the destruction of the arcane within viktor is the only way for him to truly gloriously evolve.

jayces love for viktor was dooming him into becoming the arcane that ends the world, and the only way to chart a new course was by truly saving him. destroying the hexcore, sky, freeing him from the narrative, at the ultimate cost of viktor's love for him.

[sammygender]

thoughts on how the sam & dean part of the fight before sam left for stanford went !

i am addicted to thinking about precanon so thank you for this <33

i think people r generally way too optimistic about how that initial seperation between them went. dean is awful to sam about stanford even years after he left and years after he came back!! hes still very visibly angry about it in s5 which is NINE YEARS after he left in the first place and refuses to even tolerate the idea it was a good moment for sam. i cannot comprehend how people think 22 year old dean had the emotional maturity to even let sam go without a fight, nevermind be supportive about it.

like. theres this amazinggg art on here of sam hitchhiking to stanford and all the comments are like 'erm that black eye would be from JOHN actually!' (side note but it is so funny to me how spn fans decide john hit them based on implication (which i agree w... to an extent...) but dean hitting sam onscreen multiple times somehow translates to 'DEAN WOULD NEVER DO THAT'. erm. okay.) 'nooo dean would've given sam a lift!'

and like. what show are you watching. if dean would've given sam a lift he would've done it to the bus station in moody silence and then locked the doors of the impala so sam couldn't get out to catch his bus to stanford and they would've started physically fighting for the car keys and dean eventually wouldve let sam get them and sam wouldve left. or something. but it would not be some sweet brotherly moment bc that directly contradicts canon <3

i do think the worst of the fight is between sam & john - that's always what's implied in canon - and in my head dean's just standing there stonefaced maybe refusing to even talk to sam until theyre left alone somehow and he breaks. but i also think dean hits sam at some point, will always have the image in my head of sam showing up to stanford w a bloody nose and fending off questions. (internally hes like no my dad didnt do this it was my brother so its fine. <3.) theres a scene like this in one of my fics so im just drawing from that. but. like....

idk how dean/john finds out. if dean found out before john, i think dean probably wouldve run to him about it in an attempt to get sam Not To Go as much as it would be nice if he didnt, so i reckon they have to find out at about the same time. i think sam is unsure what to expect from dean, who of course (as far as we see both in flashbacks and in canon) alternates between genuine care and support and angry, desperate possessiveness. he probably hopes for the best and expects the worst and gets the worst.

there r definitely lots of different ways it could go....maybe sam tells dean and dean tells john. maybe sam tells john without telling dean at all and thats how dean finds out which totally wrecks him. maybe sam tells them both at the same time. maybe sam never tells them and they find the acceptance letter. this is why stanford fight is sooo fascinating. i feel like i could write five different versions of it and all would be possible/interesting.

but whichever way, i just dont see dean as contradicting john. he generally Doesnt Ever precanon, this is established, he admits it himself, thats why its such a huge moment when he defends sam at the end of s1.....sam going on about dean 'protecting him' is 1. more subtle and probably to do with dean being the one to shoulder most of johns emotional baggage than the heller misinterpretation of 'john hit dean but not sam and thats what this means!!!' (tho i am sure dean did genuinely Protect sam sometimes including from physical violence. of course he did. this isnt to discredit that..i just emphasise the Sometimes.). and 2. partially just classic Sam Rewriting History (u always protected me from dad, from lucifer....girl he did those things very little certainly not always. know your worth sam winchester).

so if dean gives sam a very angry lift (to a nearby bus station...there is absolutely zero fucking way hes driving him to stanford and tbh i already find this quite unlikely but possibilities r interesting) its on john's say-so or at least not disapproval. which like. sure maybe. john certainly is concerned about sam's safety even after he kicks him out, checking up on him at stanford etc, id believe that hed want to ensure sam Gets there even if the fight ended up so bad he told sam he couldnt come back. tho hes stubborn and i dont think hed say it. so maybe itd be a case of dean kind of picking up that that's what john wants and complying even though right now half of him wants to never see sam again and the other half wants to tie him to the radiator so he can never leave. sorry i am literally brainstorming fic ideas in this ask answer now.

anyway....SORRY id say long ass answer as always but this is actually INSANELY long......sorry guys im about to embark upon getting tested for adhd and maybe then my rambles will be, while not shorter in length, more cohesive? tldr fandom is wrong dean is an absolute ASS during stanford fight. obviously sam leaving devastates him and how does dean cope with devastation or perceived abandonment do we think?? hm?? he is just as angry as john for the same and different reasons. and thats really so much more interesting than him being Secretly Supportive. <3

[lawva-girl]

Law x fem!reader, 18+

im trying!!! This is an excerpt from a fic im writing on a03 right now, and i kinda want some feed back on it cause this is my first time writing smut. This is just an excerpt so theres some missing context and this isn't the end of the scene either!

I am just waaaay to horny for this man, please enjoy :D

(WC: 550 ish)

He was above you again. He had two fingers in your mouth to keep you quiet, and of course showing off his annoying smirk that he looked so good with. You looked into his eyes, while swirling your tongue around his fingers, trying to push between the two. 

“Couldn’t hold yourself back anymore?” His hand retreated to your lips, so that he could hear your answer. 

“Do you want me to?” 

“My little shadow, you shouldn’t answer a question with a question.” He stared into your eyes for a second, then pressed his fingers back to your mouth. 

Your hands struggled against his grip, while you gave him your absolute best puppy dog eyes. He had to know how mean and torturous he was being. 

“Fuck.” It was just barely above a whisper, had there been any other noise at all you would’ve missed it, but you didn’t. Law saw in your eyes that you had heard, the way they went from begging to amusement in a second. 

You tried to move your head back to get out a word or two about how he had just practically moaned at you sucking his fingers of all things, but he gave you no room. Instead he forced “E” and “A” further into you, with his thumb resting under your chin.

He finally gave you respite after you sucked a little harder, pulling his saliva covered fingers out. They left a stringy mess behind, but you finally had a chance to speak.

Law beat you to it. “Be patient.” 

He was looking down over you, still straddling you. He used the saliva left on his fingers on your neck, tracing a line down to the hem of the neckline of your shirt. You would’ve been fine if he wasn’t staring at you, but all you could think about was him staring at you, in your exposed form. 

The worst part is you still had your clothes on, your shirt had just ridden up, exposing your belly and that awkward space where your ribs were. Your skirt had ridden up too, looking quite unattractive bunched up right below your belly. Laws legs were preventing it from going any higher, along with your stomach. But the way Law stared at you? You would’ve thought you were naked or dressed up in his favorite lingerie. 

Feeling more shy every second he stared at you, you tried to bury your face into the pillow. Law surprised you before you could. 

He had finally touched you, in the moment you accidentally let out a moan. Mainly out of shock, since he had groped your left boob. He rubbed it, you figured he was seeking another response from you so you bit back any moan that might’ve surfaced. 

As he kneaded the flesh through your shirt, the shock faded and you spoke, “why are you torturing me?” Thankfully your voice came out more clear than you thought it would’ve.

“I’ll tell you something disgusting…” he leaned down to your ear, moving his hand to your hip where he squeezed, “I don’t know if you’ll ever let me again, so I’m gonna take my time… I’m gonna remember every single detail, every single noise you let me hear, the way your skin feels… I’ll never forget any of it.”

[doyouevenshipbr0]

examples of atla live action’s attempts to be more feminist and how they actually had the opposite effect and/or hurt the integrity of the show

already talked about katara and pakku. does not make sense that she did not have a master. point blank. just because something sounds empowering (ie katara saying “yes. and ur looking at her.” after zuko asked if she found a master) doesn’t mean it automatically is. there still needs to be logic and katara “being her own master” defies logic imo im sorry!

katara in general. she has no ferocity here which to be very honest i dont think is fully the writers’ fault. some of the blame goes on them but the actress for katara just delivered alllllll of her lines w the same exact mild tone. katara is overly motherly. she is bossy. she is passionate. she is nurturing. she is emotional. THERE IS POWER IN THESE THINGS!!!!! why would we take away her spark?!?!?!

i loved live action suki. however, i LOVE the line in the original when her and sokka part ways and sokka says “i treated u like a girl when i should’ve treated u like a warrior.” and suki says “i am a warrior” *kisses sokka on the cheek* “but im a girl too.” THAT LINE WAS SO PERFECT like lemme say it again there is POWER IN FEMININITY! there is no shame in that!!!!! why does this show wanna take that away so badly. at one point live action suki says something like “im not just a warrior, im a kiyoshi warrior” and before she parts ways w sokka she thanks him for showing her some of the world or something like that. which was fine but i just love the simplicity of the original. a girl can be a warrior and have a crush. why do we have to change that?

this is a small one and it doesnt REALLY matter, but i cant help but think they changed this to be more “feminist” which is just dumb. yue isnt betrothed? well she was but she broke it off? and hahn (her ex) isnt a huge dick? i mean it wasn’t the worst thing and i didnt really mind it but i was just kinda like ?????. feel like yue being betrothed tied into her sense of responsibility and foreshadowed the sacrifices she will make for her people. so. feels rly weird that they changed it. i think it was to show more women agency which is always cool. but in the original, yue finally gets her agency by becoming the moon spirit. that should be the end of her character arc. idk. a weird change that seemed unnecessary.

sokka not being sexist. honestly i think the live action did a good job at omitting this while not REALLY making it feel like something was missing. with that being said, something was still missing lol. once again, its apart of sokka’s character. i feel like everyone has already expressed their hate for this so ill just leave it at that.

i am a TAD indifferent on the women of the northern tribe joining the forces during the fight. on one hand i cant lie i smiled bc obviously i love water bending and i love women so there was definitely apart of me that was happy to see that moment. however. it was kind of giving like in endgame when theres that random shot of all the women superheroes in one frame so the movie could have a “slay queen. we are girlbosses:)” moment. like it just felt a little empty and it wasnt the feminist battlecry they thought it was. these women have been healing their whole lives. why would they be any good on the frontlines of a fight? they never learned combat skills! HOWEVER, when we see them, its mainly just them reinforcing the walls so like. that makes enough sense. im cool w that.

i know im dwelling but as we know i hold atla in the highest regards. it does a lot of things perfectly imo. and one of the things i think it does PERFECTLY is its treatment of female characters. literally the only thing i can think of that i dont like is when team azula beats the kiyoshi warriors and ty lee says something like “u are NOT prettier than us” NDBSKSJDJ like ok that was weird. but anyways. it irritates me how the live action kind of seems to have this pov that says “the original was good, but there were some ideas and plots that were outdated so we changed them to keep with the times” like they’re fixing something that was broken if that makes sense. when in actuality, i think atla’s representation of women is perfect and timeless. it was relevant and powerful in 2005, and it is equally as relevant and powerful in 2024. there was nothing about its feminist themes that needed to be “fixed” or “updated”.

[chaifootsteps]

maybe this is an exaggeration, but glitz and glam feel like stella on crack to me, because its not one, but two women, who have to not only sexualize themselves for the sake of a job they probably wouldnt be doing if they had a choice for a better paying career, (because they fucking hate each other obviously, they dont want to work together at all, even if theyre good at it,) they also have to sexualize their other sibling.

imagine if you had to sexualize yourself and the twin sister youve grown up with your entire life, because you dont have any other monetary option. why else would they be doing it at all if they fucking despise the other, if not for income? viv making them hate each other so much and trying so goddamn hard to make them unjustified assholes, accidentally did the opposite, because just like stella, the anger they feel towards someone else they're forced to be with is justified, no matter how the narrative wants you to think theyre not.

especially when family doing sex work together, especially women, parallels the real world scenario in which it happens as well, making money off of peoples (mostly mens) incest fetish, by giving them the real deal. that's what glitz and glam are supposed to be, except it's supposed to be bad that they're making bank off of people in hell wanting to see sisters flashing their tits, and actually, theyre the bad guys for exploiting a nasty kink people have, and for working with mammon exclusively for money instead of out of passion like fizz did- money that they probably need to live far more then mr. immortal-bride-to-be-of-fucking-asmodeus-himself needs!

and y'know what the worst part is? it literally didn't have to be this way. squidderdoodles concept art only showed the glitz and glam sisters serving cunt with their outfits/designs and serving actually clowning on the stage, not sexualized fan service, but viv threw that away and was like, "nah, actually, i think they should be siblings! that rub their asses and flash their tits together :)" just because she wanted fizz to look better in comparison, and understood she needed a comedically bad villain in comparison, because she must think her audience is too stupid to understand that youre supposed to root for fizz in this ep, unless theres a newly made and conveniently placed character to make that obvious to the viewer. i mean, why else does oliver exist? i genuinely think thats the only reason theyre written like caricatures of bitches, despite the fact they unintentionally have just as much of a potentially sympathetic backstory/episode to me as stella does.

An entire, Viv-free series based off of Salem's vastly superior concept is what Glitz and Glam deserve, what Salem deserves, and what we all deserve.

[teffiyx]

let's talk about mouthwashing!

spoilers for the game. duh.

trigger warning for abuse, SA, death.

i feel like we all know how complex the story telling for the game is yet theres still people that don't seem to get it entirely. i decided to ramble about that. im sure others have done it before me but let me ramble about my hyperfixation god damn it.

this is the first out of 3 posts so strap in. the 3rd one is a LONG one. second post | third post

before i start a few disclaimers: i am rather new to mouthwashing so i do not know EVERYTHING. im just talking about my own interpretation, if there's any missing details pls inform me!

Anya is a shy and timid character!

this of course is not true but i've noticed a few people that still cling onto this interpretation of her. even though its not a vocal group that has this idea, i'd like to talk more about this.

Jimmy is an unreliable narrator, we were given that knowledge with a scene where we see multiple working cryo pods post-crash, despite us knowing there is only one functioning cryo pod.

so of course, knowing that information, most people would start to realise everything we went through as Jimmy post-crash, it was all biased, we were in the eyes of an abuser, and we trusted the words he used to describe Anya as part of her character. that's also part of the horror for this game in my opinion. the horror that i agreed the views of an abuser horrifies me.

"He - It just hurts him so much. I can't stand the noise."

"...You did make it through nursing school, right?"

"Pony Express sure does know how to cut corners, if nothing else."

-

"I was hoping you could help me with Captain-"

"Curly."

"Right, sorry ...w-with Curly's medication?"

"People have to be worth their titles."

"Don't you think, nurse Anya?"

"...Y-yeah. Forget I asked."

these two different conversations happened in the same scene at the start of the game. after going through the game we can see now how Jimmy talks to Anya is downright insulting. maybe some people have picked up on it during their first playthrough that the way he talks to her is not normal, but we didn't think much of it. but now, now things are different.

"Anya never got into medical school because she's... well, let's be real."

"And how many employment years Swansea got left in him?"

"Daisuke will be fine, mommy and daddy have him covered. So there's that at least."

"But you."

"Headed for bigger and better, right?"

this string of dialogue came 6 days before the crash, when everyone is gathered for Curly's surprise party and Curly decided to drop the news that Pony Express is letting them all go. (this dialogue will be brought up again for something else.)

he was almost insulting everyone sitting at the table, yet in this string of dialogue, he completely disregards Anya. summing his point about her as "well, let's be real.". it shows how much he views her, which was practically nothing. but first-time playing, you didn't think much of it. because he also insulted everyone else.

to summarise this whole thing, Anya as a character is not shy or timid, it is simply how Jimmy views her. but even so, we probably will never know how Anya is truly like. because even when she mentions this won't be her worst moment, she is only remembered as a poor crew member that god abused and assaulted by another member, which is, her worst moment alive.

[crimeronan]

OH. thought: while hes knocked out, THATS when luz comes back. because it would be horrifying for both of them.

luz rushes to the owl house right after killing belos and she walks in and hunter cant be roused and she FREAKS OUT. eda barely manages to calm her down with "hooty gave him sleeping nettles." and luz responds ".. AFTER THAT MUCH ALCOHOL?? IS THAT SAFE??" and eda is suddenly Disliking the fact that dead people can watch her commit crimes, Apparently.

meanwhile hunter is pleading with dream luz to stay with him, and then he just hears, in luzs voice, "hunter, hunter you need to wake up.. its ok.. i'm right here with you" and he knows it isnt dream luz. and he is so devastated because he knows she wont be there, but theres another part of him thats so heartbroken and desperate hes going to listen to her immediately. even if its not her.

and then, begrudgingly he wakes up. for a split second hes in so much pain cause hes still in the cabin so shes still dead, but.. luz is holding him and covered in belos goop and blood and looking like that and shes all "omg hi hunter!! :3 💓💓💓💞💞💖💖❤️🧡💛💚🩵💙💜🩷"

i think hunter immediately deserves to burst into the most tears ever over this. just spend an hour, at least, crying uncontrollably while luz tries to console him. and they also deserve AT LEAST 48 hours in a luz protective light bubble where no one can bother them ever.

god, i just wrote a fic where hunter has a godawful dream and wakes up alone, but 1) this is the alternate good ending instead and 2) if it goes down like it does in the fic, i STILL want luz to come back shortly after hunter wakes up. because by that point he's gone from being in pain to being angry & luz shows up in titan form covered in gore like "hi <3" and hunter is like oh i'm still sleeping nettles dreaming. fine. Fine. what terrible things does my subconscious have to say to me this time

and luz just grabs him and holds him and is like "i'm sorry, i'm sorry i couldn't come sooner, i love you, it's okay" and hunter is like. this is the worst thing you could do to me. but okay. okay i can pretend

he starts to realize it's real within an hour but he's scared to acknowledge that, because if he's Wrong, then believing it's real is the fastest way to make the bubble pop. but eventually he comes around. probably after amity yells at him again.

and then yeah. absolutely he's just going to spend some time crying uncontrollably and refusing to let go of her. and then spend 48 hours in a light bubble where no one can bother them ever

amity feels incredibly fucking weird about witnessing all this and is like "umm okay i don't think i should see you this vulnerable so i can.... go...."

while luz is like "wait. amity blight. you have my allegiance 5eva. can i die for you too."

[moonsidesong]

finished UT Yellow pacifist ! i really really enjoyed it! i will definitely be going back for the other runs but i'd like to let this sit for at least a few days before i go back in.

extended thoughts below!! yaayay!!!!

ok im sorry to open with a negative thought but if i can be a little mean. ceroba's fight suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucks. visually its insanely cool, musically its insanely cool, the presentation overall rocks, but gameplay wise its the worst ive played so far bar none.

i think this game for the most part had pretty fun and interesting bullet patterns for the bosses and, especially in the case of Axis, El Bailador, and Guardener's fights, i really got the sense i was getting a little better each time as i memorized the attacks, which is exactly what i want from a UTDR boss fight! i heart memorization.

... but Ceroba's fight was the only one where i felt like the bullet patterns just had no rhyme or reason to them. i think using several simple attacks to make a layered complicated one is a good idea in theory but in the way they did it i kinda just felt like she was throwing random crap at me and when I did beat it (which took i think around an hour) i sorta just got the impression that i was lucky enough her RNG picked the easier ones a few extra turns in a row rather than feeling like i actually accomplished anything (anything with the gravity black hole added was just kind of a death sentence for me, maybe its a skill issue but i feel like yknow. im okaaayyy at bullet hell... wah...)

also, i dont know much about game design, but the overall momentum of the fight is set up to really only be good if you beat it the first time. which is not great. they make you watch a cutscene every time you die and although it is brief, it breaks things up just a little too long! you get really sick of hearing the first few notes of what are otherwise great songs in her fight, and it makes it harder to feel for her when watching her scream starts to become annoying. i think if it were up to me, it'd be best if when you died, there was no cutscene, and the game over screen didnt have music or text and was JUST the Retry/Continue prompts so you can jump back into the action quickly. if we wanna take it a step further, because the music opens with such intense notes, stop making it start over!!!! pick it up where it left off!!!! maybe even have the game over menu not even stop the music, just muffle it temporarily or something. i dont know. thats what id do if it were up to me but i did not make anything im just a guy writing a tumblr post

anyway hater hour over. i mentioned those three boss fights earlier because they were my favorites. i thought they were really fun. i can see how some people might think the shield mechanic during Axis's fight might suck but it was like easily my favorite actually HAHAHA idk i thought it was fuuuuun heehehe yaay i block the bullets and it makes a good sound sound makea me happy <- this is the hightest compliment you can get from a misophonic player

also the ending made me cry. this isnt saying much because literally everything makes me cry but it did in fact make me cry. u show me characters showing a moment of genuine vulnerability in a bittersweet atmosphere and uh oh

anyway.

i mentioned in my previous thought post that i was interested in seeing where the running theme of "jobs/employment" was going, and seeing it play out into meaning "forever unfinished business" was really good. Martlet quits the Royal Guard having felt like she never really did anything there, neither Chujin nor Ceroba could finish what they set out to do, and Clover never even saw the other human souls. theres probably more than that too thats just what i remeber my memorys actually kinda bad i never remember anything until i play it like three times oops. maybe i should start writing my thoughts as i go instead of making big unorganized writeups on tumblr after the fact.

also this is a really small personal nitpick that doesnt matter but i dont like ceroba's skirt. i think having such a regal traditional outfit otherwise and then just wearing a short skirt that goes above her knees makes her look more like a schoolgirl than it does someone who is like At The Minimum in her thirties. i get not wanting a long skirt to get in the way of her silhouette for her boss fight since shes all like stanced up but at that point just give her pants LOL

i don't care to comment much on the writing, on the whole i really liked it so i dont have as much to say, but i dont think martlet shouldve been there in the room with you for Chujin's tapes. i think that shouldve been a quiet moment with just Clover so it could Sit with you for a second. thats my only writing gripe in this very moment.

anyway GRAHHHH I ENDED UP WRITING A LOT OF THINGS I DIDNT LIKE AND I DONT WANT TO LEAVE WITH THE IMPRESSION I HAD A NEGATIVE EXPERIENCE SO:

MUSIC WAS REALLY GOOD!!! I LIKED ALL THE CHARACTERS!!!! I LIKED MAKING AXIS'S FUNNY ROBOT PARTNER I THOUGHT THAT WAS FUNNY!!!!!!!! ASIDE FROM THE FINAL BOSS I THOUGHT THE GAMEPLAY WAS FUN!!!!! THE MAIL MECHANIC WAS REALLY SILLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I PLAYED WITH MY FRIEND AND I HAD A VERY GOOD TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAAY!!! I VIDEO LOVE GAMES!!!!!!!!!!

thanks for reading! im sure ill have more thoughts to share by the time i do the other routes, but like i said at the start, id like to just sit on my thoughts and let the game simmer for now. my overall opinion is that i thought it was good! not perfect by any means, but very very good. i'm sure i will revisit it someday. and by that i mean right now im gonna draw and watch a bit of saltydkdan's video of it before bed.

if you read this far tell me your favorite hot drink :) lately ive been really obsessed with like, this basic ass cinnamon/nutmeg/coriander chai from target. i put a little honey and cream in it and its like my favorite thing ever i have some every morning. i used to think i only liked fruity teas but my eyes have been truly opened.

[biggestsimp12]

Let me show you how much i've missed you.

----------------------------------

(this has been sitting in my drafts for a week now =w=)

! HUGE SPOILERS (sumeru quest)!

(angst with fluff at the end)

(Wanted to do this in 2 parts but scratch that)

---------------————————

You were finally free. You finally escaped that cursed place once and forever.

You ran as screams of terror and agony could be heard behind you, slowly fading away.

Flashbacks from previous minutes floaded your mind, ringing in your brain over and over again.

--

You were captured and selled by some mora-thirst people to a psychopatic inazumian scientist. They kept experimenting your powers, trying to create changes wich caused you extreme pain, yet little to no change. The scientist took advantage of your immortality to insert all sorts of chemicals in your blood. While he was preparing another dose for one of his endless experiments on you, he accidentally dropped one of his glass tube, causing a big explosion to occur. Creating a sheild around you, you covered your eyes, loud noises echoing through the room. Smoke started to fill your senses, taking your hands off your eyes, watching in horror the sight in front of you. The whole lab was on fire, quickly devouring every inch of the building. Your eyes landed on the trapped figure in front of you. The scientist was being crushed almost to death by thick metal bar. Seeing you staring at him, he ordered you to help. Receiving no answer, he repeated once more, his command turning to pleading to desperately begging you to help him as fire quickly made its way to him. You looked at him almost in a pity full way, heading to the exit, the key word being almost. You started running out hearing your torturers cries for you not to.

--

You stopped at the only place you knew by heart. Or at least, used to. The chinju forest.

You sat down by a tree trying to catch your breath. You looked down at your freshly cut feet, all covered in blood. You must have cut yourself on the tons of broken glass left in the lab due to the explosion.

You slowly made your way to the small river, sitting down at its edge. You gently washed your feet wincing in pain when touching a deeper cut.

Your only goul now was to reunite with him once more.

-----------———————

Present day (before Nahida ereased everyones memories)

————————-----------

You don't know how much it passed. One century? Maybe 2, 3, 4? You had no idea. Your worst fear was statring to become true. What if you'll never see him again? What if he was dead? Even if not, did he still love you as much as you did? What if he wasn't the same? (even if he wasn't, you'll still accept him either way) Your thoughts were interrupted by bumping into something. Wait no. Someone.

Hey, watch where you're going! A high pitched fairy said, staring at you as you were some kind of criminal.

I'm deeply sorry little floating gi-

Oh no! *I think they look like some fatui! Yikes, not again!* Wait.. Did you just call me floating little girl!? The blonde girl/boy beside her started laughing at her little floating companions change of attitude. The blonde one looked at you, analyzing you as well.

Paimon, i don't fatuis have such type of masks. Besides they don't look like they did it on purpose.

What are fatuis?

They both stared at you in shock as if you just said that you got a bomb and its about to explode.

How could you not know what fatuis are?! Have you been living under a rock!?

Uhm could you stop yelling? I'm right beside you.

Sorry for her. She can over react some times. I'm Aether /Lumine and this is Paimon. Now, do you seriously do not know who the fatui are?

Y/N, nice to meet you. And no i haven't. Could you explain it to me? If you don't mind of course.

Of course we don't!

Ooh~ Paimon wants to tell them! Can i, please, please, please, please, pleaseeee?

------------—————

After exchanging both pasts and explaining about the fatuis

————————------

Yeah! And theres a scary doctor whos experimenting people and! and!

You frowned as you heard the word "experiment", bad memories floading your head. Paimon took notice of this as she started apologizing.

Oh, i'm sorry! Paimon didn't mean to make you uncomfortable!

You looked up at the small fairy beside you, giving her a weak smile.

Don't worry that was hundred of years ago. I'm glad there's someone who understands how i feel. I'm deeply sorry Lumine/Aether. I did see a girl/boy similar to you but that was a long time ago. Did you at least get to see her/him again?

One or two times. Yet she/he was so different than when we used to travel together. What about you? Have you gotten to see this person?

Your smile faded as you sighed.

I wish i did, he was such a sweetheart. It broke my heart seeing him cry like that while we got separated. Before they knocked me out i screamed a promise.

You smiled again looking down at your feet.

What promise did you make?

Paimon looked at you, captured by your story. You laughed at her cuteness, remembering your promise perfectly.

"I promise i'll search for you darling. No matter how bad the weather or bad the health, i'll always be searching. Our love shall never die, for i be forever searching, nobody can tear our love apart and i shall never lie."

Waaah (ᗒᗣᗕ)՞ Paimon thinks this is so sweet! What if you don't see him again??

The little floating girl said, hugging you tightly.

Don't worry Paimon. I haven't given up yet. He must somewhere in this world. If not i'll start traveling the worlds for him.

You said trying to get your hopes up. In reality you had no idea where he could be. You did in fact travel multiple worlds only to be stuck at the start line back in teyvat. You sighed, changing the subject to enlighten the mood.

After deciding to join them in their journey, you both made your way to the Sumeru City.

--------————

Timeskip after saving Nahida

————--------

Woah... Who would've thought there's place like this hidden right slap bang in the middle of the city!

The sages wanted to realize their god creation plan without being discovered. The safest and most convenient way would be to build within the Akademiya itself.

They are already hiding a god, so why not 2?

Your eyebrows furrow in confusion. What was this all fatui thing and fake god that they were talking about? If so, how come you never heard about them? Your thoughts were interrupted when Paimon spoke again.

Paimon knows that he was a prototype puppet for the Raiden Shogun before he became a Fatui Harbinger...

You stare at Paimon in shock. Did they know him all along? How come they never told you about this? Yeah the traveler said he/she had some vision about the Balladeer but they never told who he actually was. All these questions swelling up in your head made you furious yet sad at the same time.

You 2 sure seem to know about him quite well. Yet there is a certain person who has more knowledge about him and his past. In fact they were very close for that matter.

The traveler and Paimon looked confused at Nahida. The little elf like archon took your hand before speaking.

Y/N. I know you were searching him for a long time. Could you tell us what you know about him?

Wait.. Y/N!? The person you were searching is him?! But how!? When you were talking about him, he sounded so nice and sweet! He's literally nothing close that! He is an arrogant little-

Paimon, please do not jump to conclusions. We do not what occured in his life to change his behavior like that. So Y/N. How did you exactly meet?

Well.. I was walking through chinju forest when i heard something. I started investigating, trying to find the source of it when i tripped and fell into the water. A figure approached me asking me if i was alright. It was a boy in a white strange yet beautiful outfit. I stared at him for a while. His whole feauters didn't look much human. He looked like those gorgeous puppets you see in the kid theaters. He landed me his hand and hesitantly took it. Later on i learned his name and how he got there-

Oh so scaramouche right?

Paimon it is impolite to interrupt someone.

Nahida looked at Paimon, scolding her.

No its alright. His name isn't Scaramouche. Or at least it wasn't when i met him. He told me to call him Kunikuzushi.

After that i invited him to live with me, since he didn't have anywhere else to go. We then fell in love but it didn't last long due to those horrible people that took me. From that day on i never saw him at least once. What happend to him after is still unkown to me.

You finished with a sigh looking down at the little archon in front of you.

She nodded, putting her hand on her chin in a thinking way.

It seems that the occurrence of this events damaged both of your physical and mental health, on your side as much as his. We need to be as careful as possible when approaching him. We don't know what type of manifestation we will get out of him. Now, without further ado, our time is pretty much limited just like a candle on fire. Let's go.

------———

Mini time skip

———------

Looking at its operational status, we must prepare for the worst. The god they wanted to create... is likely close to completion, or already completed.

Paimon floated behind you pushing you forward gently.

If someone should go first it should be Y/N right? No offense Y/N but it's your lover.

You sighed looking at the little scared girl behind you.

As much i would love to talk to him, i don't think he would listen.

Y/N is right. We can't just burst all that Information like that. It could disadvantage us in battle strategy but also cooperation with him. I'm curious of what our fate may be. To me, everything we perceive in this world, everything we learn, and everything that happens to us is considered knowledge. However, only fate is about that which has yet to occur, so it has always drawn my curiosity. So to me, "fate" is the ultimate knowledge.

And now, at long last, I'm not just an observer anymore.

I will personally experience my own fate, with you by my side. Hehe, isn't this such a wonderfully exciting thing?

The dendro archon smiled at you three, closing her eyes. Okay, let's continue on. I can sense "his" aura from here... You watched in disbelief at the sight that standed before your eyes as you made your way further. It was in fact the boy you've been desperate to find again yet.. He looked so different.. So, lifeless.

Nahida used her magic as the blue haired boy had awoken.

The robot copied the puppets moves, making a strong wind.

The boy smiled scanning the sight before him.

Who would have thought... The world would be so eager for my "birth"

I remember you

The boy said looking at Nahida

Buer, the God of Wisdom... And standing beside you the Traveler

He said as his eyes finally reach you

And...

His eyes widened, facade dropping a little then going back on.

My.. My, what do we have here? Honestly i didn't think you'll have the guts to show yourself before me after cruelly abandoning me like that. I see you've changed. But dear so did i.

He said, venom within his words.

You watched him, tears welling in your eyes. Voice trapped in your throat, you could only watch him spitting his point of view of the past that you once shared. He did in fact change. You could see the actual Kunikuzushi behind. He was not evil, just hurt. And you knew it.

The Balladeer has already become a god...?

You listened to the conversation Paimon and Nahida had behind you.

"The Balladeer" A long bygone title..

When my spirit ascended to divinity

I felt as if I had existed for the same number of epochs as heaven and earth

Looking back

The existence of what once called itself "Kunikuzushi" appears infinitely small... and ugly

You couldn't believe what was happening right now. This was all your fault. If you knew how to fight that day, none of this events would have existed now. Seeing your uneasy state Nahida took your hand and spoke.

None if these are your fault Y/N. Life has its ups and downs that seem to affect not just human lifes, but immortal creatures both in good and bad ways as well. Everyone creates and has his own destiny. And now, you choose if you want to make a change or not.

Nahida said, looking up the "god" in front of you.

What a cute yet pathetic little speech. You should know that wisdom cannot solve every problem. Like now, where your only option is to face me in combat.

Come.. Let us reenact a scene of the Archon War. Come and inaugurate my birth as a god.

The traveler raised his/her sword as the battle begin

---———

You helped Aether/Lumine get up, watching the giant robot collapse.

Humans... filthy humans...!

The "god" spitted out, not wanting to accept defeat. The small archon flew closer to him, using her magic to take his gnosis. Noticing this the boy started panicking, looking at Nahida desperately.

No! Please! Anything but the gnosis..!

The boy begged, breaking the bots face plate.

That's mine! Don't even try..!

He said trying to hold a grasp of the gnosis, Wires slowly breaking behind him.

I'll..! I'll never go back!

He gave you a small glance, a desperate look on his face. Your heart only could ache at the sight of him being so hurt.

Y/N plea-

Before the boy could finished Nahida reached his gnosis, wires finally breaking, proceeding to make him fall, a lifeless look on his growing bigger by each second. You quickly rushed into catching him, fear rushing through your blood as you used your powers to create a sheild bubble around you 2. You watched his features as you slowly floated your way to the ground. You hugged him, visible tears running down your face. Nahida landed beside you giving you a sympathy look after returning to the traveler.

We haven't yet found the answer to the most important mystery.

Irminsul is still waiting to be saved.

------———

Time skip after Nahida ereased everyones memories

———------

You were not sure why you were crying a moment before just now. The traveler and Paimon exchanged looks before Paimon asked.

Do you remember what happend at the academia?

You gave Paimon a confused look before thinking at the previous events these days. Confused you told Paimon what you knew.

Uh.. We saved Nahida and sumeru. Why?

Paimon gave you a shocked expression.

Do you seriously not remember him??

Am i missing something?

You asked clearly confused.

You were searching for him remember?? You guys promised to search for each other! We just fought with him! You have to remember!

I think we should leave them alone Paimon.. Its not going to work if you press them like that. Let's go...

Aether/Lumine whispered to the little fairy.

Y/N we have to go. See you around!

Bye..?

---———

You walked around the Sumeru City, making some groceries. It's been a week since you and the traveler saved the irminsul. Something was missing yet you couldn't quite catch what. Paimons words from previous weeks ringed through your head, trying to find the answer to your curiosity.

Hey Y/N, over here!

You turned around to see Paimon and the traveler. Beside them there was another person facing another derection.

This is ridiculous.

Paimon pushed the big hat boy further giving him a thumbs up. You couldn't really see his face due him looking down.

Hi. My name is Y/N! Nice to meet you-

Upon seeing his face, memories click in your mind, now remembering it all. He was the person Paimon talked about. He was the person you were desperately searching all these centuries.

Kunikuzushi.

The boy looked shocked yet relieved. You took him into your arms, embracing him as if he would disappear. Paimon and the traveler smiled, leaving you two be.

I've missed you so much. W-where have you been all this time? How come could i never get to stumble upon you?

You said voice shaking from happiness.

It's not important. There are many things i regret in my past that i don't want to make you worry about. Right now, let me show you how much i've missed you.

---———

The end >¬>

Have a nice day/night

[definitelynotshouting]

i literally can't stop rotating hunger au worldbuilding and lore in my head. forgive me if you've ever touched on this in an ask before, but... re: the existential horror of being a parasite that has the sense of self of the host it ate. if one of grian's friends ever did get taken and used as a watcher larva host. how do you think he would feel about the watcher that came out the other side? would he want to see them as still the same person as his friend, or...?

Ive been staring at this ask since i got it with like. I need you to picture the most comically heartbroken expression right now okay. like this is me reading that and thinking about it in great and terrible detail:

Gods he would be devastated if this ever happened. He knows what thats like. He knows just how much it hurts-- and that its not a hurt that can be quantified, because its just that intense, that scalding, that encompassing of an experience to go through. I think, genuinely, Grian would be so utterly horrified and grief-stricken for whichever friend went through the Watcherification process that it would trump every other potential feeling on the list

But i think, ultimately, he would still view them as his friend, and treat them in the same way. There's a little bit of hypocrisy in Grian's character that i enjoy engaging with while writing him, and a good part of that in hunger au is centered around how he's firmly designated himself as the monster, and everybody else is the victim, and theres no room for nuance because he sucks and theyre the only people who are valid. When in reality, yes he hurt them, yes he did terrible and invasive things, but he did them out of pure survival rather than maliciousness, and that does make a subtle difference. And... hes not the only one who has fucked up, either!! The entire point of hunger au is how everyone has fumbled the bag in various ways and now they're all trying to clean it up together. Its just, yknow, Grian is so wrapped up in his own pain that he cant see those grey areas yet

And the thing is, if one of his friends got Watchered™, so to speak, and was standing in front of him, i think he would treat them with SO much compassion. Theyve been through possibly the worst thing anyone can experience and come out the other side-- at his core, Grian is i think a character who wants to do good, and do good by other people, and in this hypothetical that would translate into a lot of kindness he doesnt usually afford for himself. Honestly i think he'd spend the time trying to show them the ropes, get them set up in a better position than he found himself in, and provide his own fumbling emotional support as best he could, just out of sheer solidarity. Like, he gets it. He's been there. He may as well help out.

And i think he wouldnt even realize how hypocritical he's being until someone else pointed it out to him, about how he treats this friend with so much care but is simultaneously cruel to himself. I dont think he'd know how to handle that-- he's sort of dug himself a rut in the road with the way he thinks about and treats himself, and the cognitive dissonance would be really uncomfortable for him. Ultimately a good thing!!! Growth is often very uncomfortable. But imo Grian has a tendency to run from things like feelings of discomfort, so i think it'd take him a while to reconcile his previous ways of thinking with whats being presented in front of him essentially in the form of a mirror.

So uh. tl;dr: he'd be a little hypocrite about it and would feel a lot more compassionately inclined towards the friend than he does himself, and would try to help them out as best he could. Thank you for the incredible question that has given me the opportunity to rotate this worm at even higher speeds than usual inside my brainpan DKNFEKNDSKDJKDKD

[the-bonfires-ember]

ive been thinking about that thing people say about mental illness. yknow, 'its not a part of your personality' 'dont make it your identity' etc

but when you have a personality disorder, that doesnt really make sense anymore.

which makes my feelings on cluster b pride flags a little conflicted. coz, sure, it is fundamentally a part of your personality and certainly shapes your identity, but something about pride flags has always been off to me. perhaps especially as a person with aspd.

now, sure, on the one hand i get it. theres something appealing about having that kind of validation that you arent alone, especially when you are constantly masking and shifting who you are to fit the situation best.

we might have antisocial personality disorder but we are still, at our core, social creatures. we still desire community, we're just also afraid of it.

so yeah, a banner of community and others 'like us' seems fair enough, right?

BUT

theres still something... off to me about it. what it was, exactly, only came to me after a discussion with my partner about DID and PluralKit - yeah i know, im diving into plural drama now, lfg i guess

they showed me an infographic about the process of DID recovery which showed the progression from very disconnected and separated identities to a more blended 'final fusion' (a term they take issue with but thats a different story). i said that PluralKit must be confusing for people on the later ends of the spectrum they were showing me because, at that point, how do you tell who is blending with who? when the lines are blurry, how do you know who to tag yourself as? it seemed like an inhibitor to recovery if you were constantly cutting yourselves off from each other. (this is not me saying anything one way or the other about plurals and recovery in DID or whatever the fuck else, im just using this as an example. stfu i dont care about your opinions on any of this so dont waste your breath)

i think my feelings on aspd flags is somewhat similar. coz i mean, they are pride flags, right? and i think if you are taking pride in being aspd then you are far more likely to lean into your symptoms, and i think thats a slippery slope to go down and has just a very 'anti-recovery' vibe, if you know what i mean.

with that all said, i also very much think that if you dont want to recover, you dont have to. i dont think you can force anyone to recover and i dont think you should even try to. recovery is fucking shit and its hard and if you arent ready for it, you are just going to hurt whoever you are trying to make recover.

but i also think that you can have that opinion, whilst also being a voice for recovery, and be against 'anti-recovery' thinking.

because look, like it or not aspd is a fucking disorder. and at some point that becomes unhelpful or it wouldnt be a disorder. symptoms of aspd are debilitating and pretending otherwise that helps nobody. especially with all the 'all pwASPD are evil' scum out there.

so yes, i think the pride flags are... unhelpful at best and harmful at worst. but what about the other stuff? the creatures alla tbh creature and the plushiedreadful rabbit? (i think both of those designs suck btw but thats not the point)

idk those feel like they are in a different category. theres not really a sense of pride in those, more a sense of comfort. again, community, but also a sort of softness(??) that the pride flag things seem to miss - especially when they are like 'vampire aspd' or 'evil aspd' or any of the other bullshit things ive seen out there. i guess they are also just way more 'mental illness' coded than pride flags are.

pride flags have always been a 'we're here and theres nothing wrong with us' kind of thing. but the creatures and the bears are more lighthearted and sort of making fun of the conditions a little bit. highlighting symptoms and coping mechanisms. just look at the imocreature - specifically the worm one which is my favourite - and the way its able to be so pathetic looking and cute. its not meant to be cool or badass or whatever else, its just a lil guy that gets sad without supply.

which, yknow, relatable.