#the way everyone wants all my info just makes me want to gatekeep it even more because I dont want to give them anything

[imperiuswrecked]

I do not want to sign up for rewards, I don’t want shopping points, I don’t want to give you my email, or phone number, or my soul, or anything else besides the money I have for the product I wish to buy.

[martyrette]

•˚ʚ Martyrette’s TRP3 Aesthetics Guide ɞ˚•

• Remastered •

•• ━━━━ ••●•• ━━━━ •• INDEX •• ━━━━ ••●•• ━━━━ ••

Preface

Symbols

Default (credit: @martyrette)

Special (credit: Wyrmguard Secret Nonnie)

Formatting

Gradient Text (credit: @ladytruebane & Wyrmguard Secret Nonnie)

Empty 'Race' Slot (credit: @martyrette)

Headers (credit: @martyrette)

Additional Information (credit: @martyrette)

Links

(Whole section credit: @martyrette)

Formatting Links

Icon Links

Borders

(Whole section credit: @martyrette)

Symbols

Images

Icons

TRP Icon Glossary

(Whole section credit: @martyrette)

Transparent Background

Red

Orange

Yellow

Green

Blue

Purple

Pink

Tips & Info

Further Resources

Closing Word

•• ━━━━ ••●•• ━━━━ •• PREFACE •• ━━━━ ••●•• ━━━━ ••

TRP Aesthetics & formating has always been a well-guarded secret within the World of Warcraft RP community. This guide serves to break down that gatekeeping and give everyone access to the tools to make their TRP in whatever cool way they want!

It's been a long time since I realized my first guide, so this one serves as not only an updated version for all the new tricks I learned, but also a connection to further resources which have come out since then.

This guide will also be actively updated with Further Resources when new guides and tricks come out by other creators.

As always, LET'S GET THIS SPARKLE AND CROSS-INFESTED BREAD! (っ◔◡◔)っ ❤

•• ━━━━ ••●•• ━━━━ ••

SYMBOLS •• ━━━━ ••●•• ━━━━ ••

Symbols! Dare I say the face of Aesthetic TRPS! There are two kinds of symbols: the symbols you can simply copy/paste easy-peasy & then the ones that require a special symbol to activate!

When using ANY, make sure to include this ㅡ symbol somewhere in the line or it will appear as a box.

Normal Symbols:

‹ « Ω ∑ ∂ ∆ ∫ ƒ × ∞ § √ π ½ ¼ † ‡ ¦ ¤ ◊ ° • ∙ -ㅡ » › ±

Special Symbols:

♡ ☆ ° ♪ ♩ ♭ ♬ ★☆ ☜ ☞ 〉 《 》 「 」 『 』 【 】 〔 〕 ↖ ↗ ↘ ↙ Δ ∮ ▒ ▣ ▤ ▥ ▦ ▧ ▨ ▩ ◊ ◈ ◇ ◆ ■ □ ◁ △ ▽ ▷ ∆ ∇ ▲ ▼ ⊙ ◐ ◑

•• ━━━━ ••●•• ━━━━ ••

FORMATTING •• ━━━━ ••●•• ━━━━ ••

Formatting is a bitch. THANKFULLY, we got some tips & tricks here to make it easier for all of you! This section will be going over gradient text, empty 'race' slots, headers, spacing, additional information and all that funky stuff that just makes it look nicer. Who thought moving text over or changing it's size would make such a difference!?

━━━━

Colour Gradients:

━━━━

Once again, thank you to @ladytruebane for showing me how to do this all the way back when I made the first guide. Give her love. Or else.

Okay, so you want to do something like this?

You're going to want to go to this website: https://www.stuffbydavid.com/textcolorizer

Put whatever text you wish within the box and the colours you would like. Copy paste the BBCode selection into your TRP. Every 'color' must be turned into 'col', every set of these brackets [ ] must be turned into these ones { }, the # & = must be erased and = must be replaced with : . It is a long process, but it won't show up unless you do this.

Below is a small video of me verbally explaining it as well (and showing how long it takes. (¬_¬") )

━━━━

Empty 'Race' Slot

━━━━

So you want to make race/class all one colour! It's actually HELLA easy.

Go to your Race Slot and delete everything in it, once you do that, press spacebar and BOOM. Empty! Just make sure whatever you want coloured is in the Class Slot, and it will appear the colour of your choice.

Small demo below!

━━━━

Headers

━━━━

How to make your text bigger! There are three sizes of header:

You can colour your headers whatever kind you want - the gradient even works with headers as well! Headers can be used for all sorts of things: Titles, About Sections, Quotes, Borders, Symbols, whatever you want! Icons are also effected by headers so you can orientate an icon wherever you'd like within your TRP!

Just make sure everything is within the {h1:c} & {/h1} or else it will appear as it's default size.

━━━━

Additional Information

━━━━

Additional Information can be a canvas to put whatever you want! Here's an example of what I do with mine!

The sky is your limit! You can really do anything with it. Here's a small video explaining spacing with Additional Information and some tricks I've learned.

•• ━━━━ ••●•• ━━━━ •• LINKS •• ━━━━ ••●•• ━━━━ ••

Links are where you put your. . .Links! Artwork, tumblrs, carrds, social links, etc etc. Here, I'll be showing you the different ways you can format links; orienting them on your page as well as turning them into icon images! The former was hard af to figure out but when you see how simple this is, you will laugh at me-

So formatting links; it's basically the same as formatting normal text as shown above. You can even colour them too! Here's a quick little show of how to make a coloured and formatted standard link.

The order of code for coloured links is as follows: Header (If wanted) > Colour Code > Link To make a link appear as an Icon, you MUST place the Icon Code within the text section (as seen in the video). If you do not, it will not appear and ruin the string of code.

•• ━━━━ ••●•• ━━━━ •• BORDERS •• ━━━━ ••●•• ━━━━ ••

Borders can be used wherever within your TRP! They're good for sectioning information and just making it look nice and formatted. There are three different kinds of borders: Symbols, Images & Icons. I will explain how to make your own, as well as share some for free use!

━━━━

Symbols

━━━━

Symbol-based borders are by far the easiest to make. You just type them out and play around with the symbols of your choice! You can really put them anywhere within your TRP - Additional Info, About, OOC info, literally ANYWHERE.

I encourage you all to try and make your own! I bet they'll be super cool. For now though, here's some examples ya'll can use.

∙ㅡㅡㅡ◐∙◑ㅡㅡㅡ∙

∙ ♩ㅡㅡ♪ ♬ ♪ ㅡㅡ♩ ∙

.°☆ ㅡㅡ°.♡.°ㅡㅡ ☆°.

∙. ㅡ~†~ㅡ .∙

° ㅡㅡ ° ◇ ◈ ◇ ° ㅡㅡ °

- . : .ㅡΩㅡ. : . -

━━━━

Images

━━━━

Image borders can come in two forms: full images or flattened images. The first is very explanatory, whatever image you pick can divide text. This can be scenery, crowns, gems, Blizzard-licensed character art & so much more! There's a butt load to pick from, so take the time to browse and find the perfect one.

Here's an example I did using a Revendreth image!

Flattened images can also be used as borders! To flatten an image, you must alter the last numbers within the string of code. As you can see here, this is the normal image and default code.

I go in and edit the number 128 to 5 and get this flattened image as a result!

Again, feel free to play around with this and find the images and sizes you love best! I've even seen some people super impose them for backgrounds??? Badass???

━━━━

Icons

━━━━

Icon borders are like the weird lovechild of Image & Symbol borders. With a mixture of Icons & Symbols, you can really make some cool shit. Icons can be formatted and moved around your profile with Headers. Like so!

•• ━━━━ ••●•• ━━━━ ••

TRP ICON GLOSSARY •• ━━━━ ••●•• ━━━━ ••

Here is a collection of aesthetic TRP Icons I've found and categorized for your usage! They are divided by UI-formatting, colour (random picks), Racial, Faction & then any other cute random ones I find.

Sadly, the black, white & brown Icon sections has to be cut due to the sheer GIRTH of this post. However, you can really find any sort of Icons within the searchbar! Keywords like colours (black, pink, green), races (Nightelf, Human, etc) and so much more can be found easily! Want your icon to be a class ability? Use the class as your keyword.

━━━━

Transparent Backgrounds

━━━━

These icons appear as their shape, rather than having a black box or background behind it. You can use these little guys for all sorts of things! I've seen people use them as borders, bullet-points, decor, like literally anything.

(Left 2 Right)

Red Paw: {icon:pet_type_beast:25}

Rat: {icon:pet_type_critter:25}

Dragon: {icon:pet_type_dragon:25}

Fire: {icon:pet_type_elemental:25}

Wing: {icon:pet_type_flying:25}

Helmet: {icon:pet_type_humanoid:25}

Sparkle: {icon:pet_type_magical:25}

Cog: {icon:pet_type_mechanical:25}

Skull: {icon:pet_type_undead:25}

Wave: {icon:pet_type_water:25}

Green Paw: {icon:tracking_wildpet:25}

(Left 2 Right)

Murloc: {icon:newplayerhelp_newcomer:25}

Green Dot: {icon:7fx_alphamask_glow_teal_blend:25}

Green Flag: {icon:newplayerhelp_guide:25}

Blue Heart: {icon:ui_jailerstower_defense:25}

Blue X: {icon:ui_jailerstower_offense:25}

Blue Lightning: {icon:ui_jailerstower_utility:25}

Tombstone: {icon:ui_jailerstower-scenario-deathcounter:25}

(Left 2 Right)

Grey Rune 10: {icon:cosmicenergy_rune_10_off:25}

Grey Rune B: {icon:cosmicenergy_rune_b_off:25}

Grey Rune G: {icon:cosmicenergy_rune_g_off:25}

Grey Rune K: {icon:cosmicenergy_rune_k_off:25}

Grey Rune M: {icon:cosmicenergy_rune_m_off:25}

Grey Rune N: {icon:cosmicenergy_rune_n_off:25}

Grey Rune O: {icon:cosmicenergy_rune_o_off:25}

(Left 2 Right)

Light Rune 10: {icon:cosmicenergy_rune_10_on:25}

Light Rune B: {icon:cosmicenergy_rune_b_on:25}

Light Rune G: {icon:cosmicenergy_rune_g_on:25}

Light Rune K: {icon:cosmicenergy_rune_k_on:25}

Light Rune M: {icon:cosmicenergy_rune_m_on:25}

Light Rune N: {icon:cosmicenergy_rune_n_on:25}

Light Rune O: {icon:cosmicenergy_rune_o_on:25}

(Left 2 Right)

Copper Sword: {icon:ui_rankedpvp_01_small:25}

Silver Sword: {icon:ui_rankedpvp_02_small:25}

Gold Sword: {icon:ui_rankedpvp_03_small:25}

Platinum Sword: {icon:ui_rankedpvp_04_small:25}

Diamond Swords: {icon:ui_rankedpvp_05_small:25}

Purple Swords: {icon:ui_rankedpvp_06_small:25}

Godly Swords: {icon:ui_rankedpvp_07_small:25}

(Left 2 Right)

Quest: {icon:tracking_warboard:25}

Experience: {icon:garr_currencyicon-xp:25}

Logs: {icon:garrison_material:25}

Alliance Circle: {icon:ui_allianceicon-round:25}

Horde Circle: {icon:ui_hordeicon-round:25}

━━━━

Red

━━━━

(Left 2 Right)

Lollipop: {icon:inv_valentinescandy01:25}

Snake: {icon:inv_snake_red:25}

Rose: {icon:inv_helm_misc_rose_a_01_red:25}

Syringe: {icon:inv_trinket_revendrethraid_02_red:25}

Vampiric Rune: {icon:inv_inscription_vantusrune_castlenathria01:25}

Question Mark: {icon:inv_misc_questionmark:25}

Heart: {icon:petbattle_health:25}

Fire Rune: {icon:spell_fire_rune:25}

Hunter’s Mark: {icon:ability_blackhand_marked4death:25}

Stitches: {icon:ability_rogue_garrote:25}

Bear Trap: {icon:ability_hunter_traplauncher:25}

Skull: {icon:ability_deathknight_necroticaura:25}

(Left 2 Right)

Rogue Mark: {icon:ability_rogue_deathmark:25}

Runeblade: {icon:inv_sword_1h_rogue_c_01:25}

Warlock Hood: {icon:inv_cloth_demonicdominationsuccubus_c_01_helmet:25}

Cleaver: {icon:inv_knife_1h_pigman_b_01:25}

Vampire Knives: {icon:inv_cape_special_revendreth_d_02:25}

Cannibalism: {icon:ability_racial_cannibalize:25}

Red Crystal: {icon:inv_jewelcrafting_gem_32:25}

Potion: {icon:trade_alchemy_dpotion_a16:25}

Thorns: {icon:inv_misc_necklacea6:25}

Red Matter: {icon:inv_artifact_corruptedbloodofzakajz:25}

Fire Bloom: {icon:inv_misc_herb_19:25}

Cherries: {icon:inv_misc_food_40:25}

Ruby Necklace: {icon:inv_jewelcrafting_necklace3_red:25}

━━━━

Orange

━━━━

(Left 2 Right)

Harvest Moon: {icon:ability_druid_eclipseorange:25}

Dash: {icon:ability_druid_dash_orange:25}

Curse Sigil: {icon:ability_creature_cursed_01:25}

Firewave: {icon:ability_rhyolith_magmaflow_wave:25}

Candle: {icon:inv_helm_misc_candle_a_01:25}

Tigerlily: {icon:inv_misc_herb_tigerlily:25}

Amber Necklace: {icon:inv_jewelry_necklace_75:25}

Goldfish: {icon:inv_magicalfishpet:25}

Banner: {icon:inv_shield_1h_drakonid_c_01:25}

Sword Sigil: {icon:spell_holy_sealofvalor:25}

Chi-Ji Crane: {icon:monk_stance_redcrane:25}

Bone Necklace: {icon:inv_7_0raid_necklace_08a:25}

(Left 2 Right)

Amber Potion: {icon:inv_alchemy_80_elixir01orange:25}

Darkmoon Eye: {icon:inv_darkmoon_eye:25}

Jack-o-Lantern: {icon:inv_misc_bag_28_halloween:25}

Fire Flower: {icon:inv_summerfest_fireflower:25}

Bottled Flame: {icon:inv_summerfest_firepotion:25}

Fire Fox: {icon:ability_racial_fireresist:25}

Scorched Hand: {icon:ability_siege_engineer_purification_beam:25}

Bronze Skull: {icon:inv_misc_breadofthedead:25}

Halloween Cat: {icon:achievement_halloween_cat_01:25}

Sanctum: {icon:warlock_sacrificial_pact:25}

Fireball: {icon:spell_mage_infernoblast:25}

Pumpkin Pie: {icon:ability_mage_conjurefoodrank9:25}

Animal Tracks: {icon:ability_tracking:25}

━━━━

Yellow

━━━━

(Left 2 Right) Clover: {icon:inv_misc_herb_goldclover:25}

Golden Harp: {icon:inv_misc_trinket_goldenharp:25}

Yellow Bird: {icon:inv_misc_thegoldencheep:25}

Priestly Hood: {icon:inv_helm_cloth_raidpriest_r_01_gold:25}

Marigolds: {icon:inv_misc_marrigolds_01:25}

Heavenly Feather: {icon:ability_priest_angelicfeather:25}

Golden Blade: {icon:inv_polearm_2h_drakonid_c_01:25}

Rightous Fist: {icon:spell_holy_rebuke:25}

Ducky: {icon:inv_g_fishingbobber_05:25}

Clock: {icon:spell_holy_borrowedtime:25}

Niuzao Symbol: {icon:monk_ability_avertharm:25}

Honey: {icon:inv_cooking_80_choralhoney:25}

(Left 2 Right)

Skull Trinket: {icon:inv_inscription_trinket_melee:25}

Pirate Map: {icon:achievement_ashran_tourofduty:25}

Domination Rune: {icon:ability_domination_rune13:25}

Cosmic Rune: {icon:inv_prg_icon_puzzle15:25}

Golden Lotus: {icon:achievement_faction_goldenlotus:25}

Holy Steed: {icon:spell_holy_crusaderaura:25}

Sun Icon: {icon:inv_qirajidol_sun:25}

Glowing Horseshoe: {icon:ability_mount_charger:25}

Cage: {icon:inv_box_birdcage_01:25}

Autumn Icon: {icon:ability_ardenweald_paladin_autumn:25}

Fan of Knives: {icon:ability_warrior_bladestorm:25}

Prayer: {icon:spell_priest_pontifex:25}

Butterfly: {icon:inv_pet_butterfly_orange:25}

━━━━

Green

━━━━

(Left 2 Right)

Dragon Wing: {icon:inv_10_gearupgrade_flightstone_green:25}

Poison Needle: {icon:ability_poisons:25}

Imprisoned: {icon:ability_demonhunter_imprison:25}

Dark Deal: {icon:achievement_general_raidrepresentation:25}

Toxic Maw: {icon:ability_creature_poison_01:25}

Crown: {icon:ability_rogue_controlisking:25}

Monk Symbol: {icon:ability_monk_zenmeditation:25}

Traveler: {icon:achievement_explore_argus:25}

Green Feather: {icon:inv_icon_feather01e:25}

Leaf: {icon:talentspec_druid_restoration:25}

Frog: {icon:inv_frog2_darkgreen:25}

Vines: {icon:inv_misc_herb_evergreenmoss:25}

(Left 2 Right)

Ring: {icon:inv_misc_6oring_greenlv4:25}

Gadget: {icon:inv_misc_enggizmos_20:25}

Necklace: {icon:item_icecrownnecklacec:25}

Bandages: {icon:inv_firstaid_bandage2:25}

Medical Symbol: {icon:achievement_guild_doctorisin:25}

Shield: {icon:ability_dragonriding_compassion01:25}

Toxic Sludge: {icon:ability_hunter_stickytarbombtrap:25}

Scythe: {icon:inv_knife_1h_maldraxxus_d_02:25}

Darkmoon Marker: {icon:inv_darkmoon_vengeance:25}

Fel Cloth: {icon:inv_fabric_felcloth_ebon:25}

Witch Pot: {icon:inv_misc_cauldron_nature:25}

Banner: {icon:inv_bannerpvp_03:25}

Demonic Rune: {icon:70_inscription_vantus_rune_tomb:25}

━━━━

Blue

━━━━

(Left 2 Right)

Transformation: {icon:spell_druid_incarnation:25}

Scaredy Cat: {icon:ability_druid_cower:25}

Tome: {icon:inv_7xp_inscription_talenttome02:25}

Skull: {icon:inv_offhand_1h_artifactdoomhammer_d_06:25}

Seashell: {icon:inv_ore_osmenite:25}

Blue Flower: {icon:ability_dragonriding_draconiccultivation01:25}

Mana Potion: {icon:trade_alchemy_dpotion_b10:25}

Bubble: {icon:creatureportrait_bubble:25}

Azuna: {icon:achievements_zone_azsuna:25}

Blue Moon: {icon:artifactability_balancedruid_fullmoon:25}

Icy Touch: {icon:ability_deathknight_icygrip:25}

Prowling Feline: {icon:ability_druid_prowl:25}

(Left 2 Right)

Arcane Intellect: {icon:spell_holy_arcaneintellect:25}

Frost Rune: {icon:spell_frost_wizardmark:25}

Frozen Heart: {icon:spell_frost_coldhearted:25}

Undead Wing: {icon:inv_icon_wingbroken07e:25}

Dewdrop: {icon:inv_misc_shadowdew:25}

North: {icon:ability_hunter_pathfinding:25}

Mug: {icon:inv_misc_food_cooked_madbrewbreakfast:25}

Arrow: {icon:ability_hunter_aimedshot:25}

Sparkles: {icon:spell_magic_managain:25}

Skull & Crossbones: {icon:ability_rogue_feigndeath:25}

Dagger: {icon:inv_weapon_shortblade_06:25}

Crystal Ball: {icon:inv_misc_orb_01:25}

Diamond: {icon:inv_misc_gem_02:25}

━━━━

Purple

━━━━

(Left 2 Right)

Screaming Skull: {icon:ability_creature_cursed_03:25}

Crescent Moon: {icon:talentspec_druid_balance:25}

Nightshade: {icon:inv_misc_herb_13:25}

Crystal Ball: {icon:spell_druid_momentofclarity:25}

Bear: {icon:spell_druid_guardianofelune:25}

Voidwalker: {icon:spell_shadow_summonvoidwalker:25}

Engulfing Shadows: {icon:ability_rogue_envelopingshadows:25}

Dark Dagger: {icon:ability_ironmaidens_convulsiveshadows:25}

Evil Spirit: {icon:inv__demonbolt:25}

Nighttime: {icon:spell_shadow_twilight:25}

Old God Eye: {icon:inv_eyeofnzothpet:25}

Evil Face: {icon:ability_demonhunter_vengefulretreat:25}

(Left 2 Right)

Arcane Rune: {icon:70_inscription_vantus_rune_suramar:25}

Dark Angel: {icon:ability_priest_darkarchangel:25} Origami: {icon:inv_inscription_crane:25} Grapes: {icon:inv_misc_food_58:25}

Totem: {icon:spell_shaman_dropall_03:25}

Ring: {icon:inv_10_jewelcrafting_rings_ring1_color2:25}

Swirling Dark: {icon:ability_warlock_soullink:25} Spider Webs: {icon:inv_misc_web_02:25}

Scarab: {icon:inv_misc_ahnqirajtrinket_01:25}

Clashing Swords: {icon:spell_holy_blessingofstrength:25} Skeleton Key: {icon:inv_treasurevault_key01:25}

Pendant: {icon:inv_misc_necklace_mop1:25}

Shadow Clone Runes: {icon:spell_holy_prayerofshadowprotection:25}

━━━━

Pink

━━━━

(Left 2 Right)

Perfume Bottle: {icon:inv_valentineperfumebottle:25} Orb: {icon:inv_misc_orb_02:25}

Tome: {icon:inv_misc_book_01:25}

Bomb: {icon:inv_misc_bomb_04:25}

Curse Rune: {icon:spell_warlock_demonbolt:25}

Cupid Bow: {icon:inv_bow_1h_love_c_01_pink:25}

Arcane Rune: {icon:ability_ardenweald_paladin_summer:25}

Icecream Meal: {icon:inv_misc_food_strawberry_ice:25}

Headress: {icon:inv_helm_cloth_legionquest100_b_01:25}

Plushie: {icon:inv_tailoring_elekkplushie:25}

Staff: {icon:inv_staff_16:25}

Faerie Fire: {icon:spell_nature_faeriefire:25}

(Left 2 Right)

Comb: {icon:inv_misc_comb_02:25}

Silk: {icon:inv_chest_cloth_58:25}

Pink Wing: {icon:inv_icon_wing04b:25}

Halo: {icon:ability_priest_halo_shadow:25}

Potion: {icon:inv_potion_34:25}

Pearl: {icon:inv_misc_enchantedpearl:25}

Scroll: {icon:inv_inscription_modified_craftingreagent08:25}

Eyeball: {icon:inv_misc_cat_trinket11:25}

Enchantment: {icon:inv_enchant_formulaepic_01:25}

Bloody Maw: {icon:spell_deathknight_gnaw_ghoul:25}

Demon Hunter Rune: {icon:ability_demonhunter_sigilpurple:25}

Berries: {icon:inv_cooking_80_wildberries:25}

Thread & Needle: {icon:inv_10_tailoring_purchasedthread_color4:25}

•• ━━━━ ••●•• ━━━━ ••

TIPS & INFO •• ━━━━ ••●•• ━━━━ ••

Simply a collection of little tricks and nuggets of info I've learned about TRP over the years. They don't quite count as formatting so uh. I dunno. This is my guide, I'll do what I want-

The larger your TRP is, the longer it will take to load. Don't feel put off if someone whispers you about it thinking they were accidently blocked!

A TRP doesn't have to be long to be good. Size doesn't matter, it's how you use it as they say.

Don't feel pressured to make your TRP a certain way. It's your TRP. Have fun with it and go crazy!

Don't feel afraid to reach out & ask other players how they did something in their TRP if you like it! Though some may still gatekeep techniques, there's been a shift in the TRP culture. You may make a new friend too!

If you get a TRP formatting error, you're most likely just missing a / or { } somewhere within the code. I do it all the time and a comb through the code normally shows me where one went missing.

BACK UP YOUR TRP! The worst feeling in the world is writing a super swag TRP only for it to get shitted on by a WoW update. Below, I'll show you a quick and easy way to do it.

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FURTHER RESOURCES

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Alternatives to AI Art, another post I’ve made awhile ago. The community has this weird culture about NEEDING character art, so here’s some alternatives to AI!

Super cute TRP templates done by this lovely tumblr account. Stumbled across them by chance, but I'm kinda adoring the themes & aesthetic they've got going??? @trp3-templates

A really amazing post on r/WoWRoleplay where the community has shared some more tips & tricks I haven't covered within this guide. It warms my heart to see us helping out each other!

The original TRP Aesthetic Guide I made years ago. All the information has been imported and improved here, but I'm a bit of a sentimental sucker, so I'll be linking it here too for legacy purposes.

•• ━━━━ ••●•• ━━━━ •• CLOSING WORD •• ━━━━ ••●•• ━━━━ ••

GUYS, it's been over a wholeass YEAR since I released the OG TRP Guide. That's crazy, yo. A lot happens in a year & I'm so glad to have heard how many people got my guide and appreciated it. You guys have gotten hella creative and I can't count how many swag & aesthetic TRPs I've seen since it's release. Not only that, but people have also been more open with sharing techniques & tips. Just makes me fuzzy inside or someshit.

Point is, since I released it there's a LOT of stuff I didn't know and even more things being found out. That, and there's a lot of stuff I thought was common knowledge that isn't; thus not adding it to the original one. I asSuMeD- So, I began asking some of you just how you were doing it & compiling EVERYTHING, just incase! Like the first, this project is a bunch of roleplayers coming together to make another fun resource for the community. ENOUGH MUSHINESS. GO MAKE A CUTE / SWAG TRP!

[fatcatlittlebox]

Regarding the 'did sauron make her armor or not drama on X:

It's not even really about canon vs fanon to these 'uM ACTualLY' canon police. They have this weird need to correct anything they see that doesn't fit into their idea of truth, so they have to remind everyone of it.

Regardless if he did or didn't do it, it makes sense in a many people's mind and that brings them fun and joy.

But y'know, we can't have fun and joy over a harmless detail that has no impact on the overall direction of the story. No, because we're little children that need to be sat down and spoonfed what's canon and not because we don't know any better.

They can't have us sharing this harmless idea around and fangirling over its possibility with other people, because for some reason it's like a pebble in their shoe so they HAVE to say something even though I trust that most people who didn't come in only watching the show know better, and even if they didn't and like the idea that he made her armor, there's ZERO harm in letting others have their fun and being considerate and smart enough to know when to stay in your own canon-ruled lane. It's like me telling my little cousin as she's giggling and opening her present that Santa is fake and just a lie made up. Like how is that so hard to understand?

And another thing is, I clearly want to know, if anyone wants to take this rant and tape it to the front of their cars: what sort of harmful or dangerous impact is there to real life if some fans accept this as their personal canon? Hmm? Is it going to make some impressionable minor more vulnerable to an abusive partner? Or not see a red flag in an unhealthy relationship? If the answer is no to either, then really, do better as person and learn to leave shippers alone. Or block something that they don't want to see. Not that hard.

Calling it now - these same canon police will jump to defend any 'fanon' headcanon or theory with celeborn as canon because in their narrow minds, the relationship isn't dark, so of course XYZ might as well have happened and be deemed canon! And trust me, if anyone dares say something to point out the fact that since there's no visual or literal confirmation over a HEADcanon, the same people will jump in and start going 'wELL, THAT'S WhAT wE CalL ImPLiCATiON, because even though we didn't see it happen, it wouldn't go against either character to say that it happened. There's no harm in saying that it's canon as long as the relationship isn't questionable or dark, guys~!

[If all these things are not shown then they are not part of the story] Alright, I'm not even going to go into this one that I saw so I'll let others have it.

Anyways, it's disgusting how some ppl in the fandom just can't let others have fun and feel like it's their moral purpose in life to be pedantic. Also apparently some ppl were acting like they just wasted half of their life thinking there's new info or retrograde confirmation over it bc it spread like wildfire (cause it made some people happy, go figure). Like sorry you were fooled ma'am, sorry you wasted 15 secs of your life for nothing.

Also, they need to look up what the definition of a headcanon is. It might blow their minds.

/micdrop

Ps, if we slap a blonde wig on Halbrand and call him Annatar can we call it a canon gift NOW? Pls O great gatekeepers of what's canon and not, here thy plea! /s

This. But it’s not even about canon, or fanon or harmless or all in good fun. We don’t have to justify diddly squat. It’s what happened! They’re wrong and can sit all the way down. It’s not “headcanon” to interpret with our own eyes the narrative the director, writers and ACTORS are telling us. Are we so cynical and literal that we cannot interpret what is visually implied or metaphorically shown? Everything has to be explicitly said or presented for it to be canon? Dude, what is the point of artistic expression? It’s not even someone’s ability to read the subtext or think abstractly. It’s simply being an intelligent viewer. And I’m not saying the antis are stupid but I think we can all agree that a satisfying interaction and consumption of art is when the artist and audience share the expectation that intelligent observation is required. The antis are biased as you have said and they’re really missing out when they shut themselves off to the deeper, richer thematic story being told.

[magnetic-regent-magneto]

SHIPPING INFO — ANSWER THE FOLLOWING FOR YOUR MUSE(S).

⠀ ⠀WHAT'S YOUR OTP FOR YOUR MUSES(S)? Right now, I very much enjoy Storm and Magneto; just for the platonic compability and dynamic too.

⠀ ⠀WHAT ARE YOU WILLING TO RP WHEN IT COMES TO SHIPPING? What my partner is comfortable with is priority. I am willing to RP fluff, angst and nsf* with no issue. It depends on my mood a lot. It is rare that I do nsf* just because of my mood, not because I wouldn't. No incest, or certain kinks, things communicated with my partner. Also no OC children.

⠀ ⠀HOW LARGE DOES THE AGE GAP HAVE TO BE TO MAKE IT UNCOMFORTABLE? There are creepy age gaps vs dynamics where I am willing to accept it. The topic is difficult because Mags is reaching 90 canonically, was made younger, resurrected young, etc. It is difficult as one could argue that age-gap-wise, he should not be shipped at all. But grown women and men are okey to some extend. The X-Men are ageless in a way so it is extremely difficult to say nothing below 30 because they are not below 30, but they are visually? And Wolverine is 200+ years old.

I think, finally, it is a dynamic question and how comfortable I am with the character. Specifically anything below 25 years old is no. Up to 35? Diffficult-- Not sure. Above becomes more okey.

⠀ ⠀ARE YOU SELECTIVE WHEN SHIPPING? Yes. I do not ship easily but I like goofing when in the mood and there is a dynamic. It is also very unlikely that I ship with OCs.

⠀ ⠀HOW FAR DO STEAMY MOMENTS HAVE TO GO BEFORE THEY'RE CONSIDERED NSFW? Touching thighs is pretty close. I always talk with partners beforehand if there is some kind of sign the dynamic might develop there and posts are marked as NSF* pretty early on. Like even just really making out would be marked for it just to keep others safe and comfortable.

⠀ ⠀WHO ARE OTHER MUSES YOU SHIP YOUR MUSE(S) WITH? Magda, Rogue, Storm, Frank Castle, Exodus, Emma (more platonically), Briar Raleigh, Fisher King (hear me out) and honestly I vibe with Remy lately.

and Tony Stark for the giggles.

⠀ ⠀DOES ONE HAVE TO ASK TO SHIP WITH YOU? Yes, absolutely. There has to be dynamic first.

⠀ ⠀ARE YOU MULTISHIP? Yes. I keep the RPs apart from one another and when I enjoy writing with one person, I do not want to gatekeep my character as long as people are comfortable. I also do not like exclusive ship or hang up a sign who I ship with. I feel comfortable with dynamics and people and everyone writes their characters beautifully different.

⠀ ⠀ARE YOU SHIP - OBSESSED OR SHIP MORE - OR - LESS? Ship less to not at all.

⠀ ⠀WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SHIP IN YOUR CURRENT FANDOM(S) ? I don't have one. I do not really ship. But let's go with Storm and Craig. Also something with Doom. I love him.

⠀ ⠀FINALLY, HOW DOES ONE SHIP WITH YOU? When writing with me long enough or our characters have a dynamic and I feel comfortable with you, we can talk about it. Also goofing around and joking can eventually lead to things. But again, I am super selective or do not do it 'seriously'.

[officialtayley]

I agree with previous anon - finding you when I was new to the fandom last year felt so good! This is all a bit stupid probably and too deep lol but, I'm neurodivergent (ADHD, but probably autism too) and whenever an ND level special interest takes hold, it's usually when I'm in already in a depression or period of burn out. It's like my brain is vulnerable for something to cling to. Or like a demon notices an easy target to possess hah. When I saw Paramore last year, it was like my brain was genuinely addicted to them, specifically H, and I felt like I was only calm and regulated when zoning out consuming anything to do with them, but simultaneously I ever actually felt like I would "catch up" and felt embarrassed by how much time I was wasting online looking for stuff.

But then I found Kels' blog and devoured the archive, and then found you, and ever since then I felt the frenzied fan in my head settle down, I think because I only have to check one place for info now, but also because you've always been so nice to me when I message even if it's been about old things from After Laughter tours, or just a random submission or thought that I want to share with anyone. Sometimes I can share with an IRL friend who is a fan, but most of the time I know it needs to be just go to fandom fans, and I never wanted to be a twitter fan and didn't know what to do with all my thoughts before finding your Tumblr. Like you are so patient most of the time, you're not like some gatekeeper, and you're also not blind to the band's/H's faults, and I love that because twitter is just full of people wanting to be Hayley's next screenshot only.

The special interest addiction levels of fandom would have died down for me eventually, it always does, but the place you hold for us here was such a help and helps me maintain it in a healthy way, e.g. I don't have a compulsion to check loads of fan accounts on ig or twitter, because anything important will be here. It's so embarrassing admitting how much special interests can consume me especially as it stops being properly enjoyable after a few days and feels like I'm possessed, but yeah thank you idk I just really like this community forum space we have here and seeing you be so welcoming to a new person is making me think about how nice it is that you're pretty much a daily part of my day lol. This is so long why am I being so emotional over Tumblr hahahahah

this is also the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. this whole thing really warmed my heart and i did in fact cry again... i'm not even a crier but i guess i am just emotional today.

i'm glad i can be a daily part of your day, and it means so much to me that you feel this way about my blog and also me. you've always be lovely to me and naturally the more people come back the more i warm up them. i also do just try to be nice in general to everyone here as long as they aren't being weird or rude to me.

the few messages today just make me really appreciate the community we've built here tbh. it's like i say a lot, i am very disliked, it's been that way since 2018 in particular, and i know why even though everyone's reasons are very different, but i don't enjoy it. sometimes it does make me wonder if i am a horrible person, which is silly but it happens. i've had a few ppl i'm friends with tell me about fans they're friends with or fans they talk to tell them about how they don't like me and stuff, but thankfully those friends never were swayed because they know me on a personal level. but anyway, it just makes me glad i have this little community.

i also wish i kept my old posts cause you would've liked many of those, from before tayley was ever confirmed. but i also used to be more annoying back then so it's for the best they're gone. but yeah, i'm glad this blog means this much to you, this was really lovely to read and i'm just very thankful. so so so so thankful 💕💕💕 i also always enjoy whenever you send anything, it's always nice seeing you here so often :)

[soullessjack]

oh my god I know I’ve mentioned it before but I rlly cant stop thinking about it. don’t go into the woods is literally the pinnacle of autistic representation (to me). bear with me because I have a migraine and am struggling to stay conscious but. There are just so many various autistic experiences shown throughout the episode and what happens to jack in it. Like it’s borderline upsetting (for me) to watch because of how resonating they are.

firstly, jack actively wants to try and put himself out there. He wants to make friends and have normal human experiences even if he can’t exactly stop being ‘special.’ (Also, he does specifically say that he is “himself” again once his powers are back, so it’s like, yes that is something he more or less sees as an inherent part of himself, but I think the part he struggles with is the consequential nature of his powers and who he is. as I’ve said before, it’s one thing to simply be different than it is to be treated differently. )

furthermore, once jack realizes the kids are basically ‘safe’ to be honest with, as they’re aware of monsters, he’s the exact opposite of shy about his powers. that’s one thing about him I really love . Like he LOVES to show off and impress people and be praised/appreciated by others.it’s such a silly trait I wish was characterized more often. He also just instantly starts unmasking and info dumping Twice about Haitian zombie law (to Sam and Dean) and how to kill monsters god he’s so special you don’t understand. He is not a gatekeeper you WILL be forced to know about his special interests.

however even tho jack is shown to be very proud of his abilities and hunting knowledge the very Minute that he senses the other kids think he’s weird (Reminding everyone that they were judgy from the start and did not in fact invite him over because they like him) he just Cannot Stand It . That’s the consequential part yknow. Like jack does see and feel his powers as just an inherent part of him (which they Are), he’s literally said they feel like breathing. It’s just Who He Is yknow. but the consequential part of it is that people are either afraid of him, they hate him, or they think he’s weird. And jack doesn’t like any of that shit. He doesn’t like being cast out or defined by the thing that makes him a little more different.

‘he’s back to being the oddball.’ back to it, like that’s just the unfortunate default he’s stuck filling. (Also on another note I think it’s really sad on that he can already recognize the particular facial expression for “We Think You’re A Freak”). It’s like he can just sense the rejection and isolation before he even actually receives it, and the mere perception of that is enough to totally throw him off. Totally not an experience any autistic person has ever felt before. Totally not similar to a particular co-morbid form of dysphoria that commonly plagues autistic individuals. Not at all.

This episode has probably the most bleak ending to me? Not in a competitive sort of way, the show has gotten far bleaker I am aware. But in both the original script (that got entirely changed) and the actual episode, it ultimately ends with Jack just not having friends. We’ve all seen the episode I won’t recap that far. Head still hurts bad. But In the script, Jack only ever shows the kids various combat moves with an angel blade, and the accidental stabbing is by Eliot, and Jack healing Stacey is basically the Big Reveal of his powers and , as the script above shows, what he Really is. ?.

I guess all of the combined stress and just shock of the monster world (Eliot is previously shown to be basically paranoid of things out to get him earlier in the script) is enough for the kids to very gently let jack down and say they’ll see him again or something, but it literally ends with jack’s inner monologue that he knows he’s never gonna see them again, and going “so much for having friends.” The End.

And idk. To me It’s just so. Isolating. Like. You try and make friends and be a little normal and belong somewhere else for once but the entire time you get the vague sense that you’re still too weird and out of place, that everyone else also thinks you’re weird and out of place. You’re so used to rejection that the impending sense of it starts looming over you, but you still wanna put yourself out there! You still want to at least try! And then you get the pile of bricks dropped on your head. The Impending Rejection. Everyone leaves you alone again and you’re left with the solidified knowledge that you are in fact, too weird and too different to belong anywhere else, to have friends. You can’t be normal or accepted, you’ll always be alone and isolated and rejected.

Autism 101 yay

[fromthestacks]

You know what I am gonna rant about this. Long-winded ramble under the cut.

2016 Ghostbusters was a good movie- it kept the spirit of the original Ghostbusters intact, and it was funny. The ghosts were kinda creepy and fun without crossing into full horror. The cast was STACKED. But because whiny nostalgic manbabies let their misogyny and racism show, it tanked. And it’s not just that these guys (and let’s be real, it was mostly guys) watched the trailer and said, I’m not interested, oh well. No, they took time out of their lives that could be spent doing literally anything else and actively bombed it on YouTube and IMDb. Side note, clearly no one has ever told these people that simply shutting the fuck up and ignoring something you dislike was an option. You don’t have to engage with media you don’t enjoy. This isn’t your online class that requires a certain number of comments.

People were out here acting like a Ghostbusters reboot was gonna somehow erase the original movie from existence. That’s not how it works! Your movie is still out there, and you can still watch it and love it! Female Ghostbusters do not diminish the original movie. And we see this shit time and again with reboots/sequels/etc! ESPECIALLY the ones that dare to include women/POC/LGBTQ+ characters in the cast and story (see also: Star Wars). And it goes well beyond the sequel issue, look at Captain Marvel! It made a literal billion dollars but there was so much review bombing on Rotten Tomatoes (which I personally think is a dogshit site but that’s irrelevant here) that they actually changed the info you see for each movie.

BUT I DIGRESS. Making movies from beloved franchises with more diverse casting and stories doesn’t take anything away from the original movies! Expanding a movie universe in a way that makes more people fans IS A GOOD THING. If little girls watch the 2016 Ghostbusters and love it, there’s a good chance they’ll eventually watch the 1984 one and dig that too. AND THAT IS GREAT! Stop fucking gatekeeping fandom like this, who cares if you see the 2016 one first. Whatever gets you into a franchise is cool, because the more fans something has, the more likely we all are to get more movies! Which means WE ALL WIN. And dammit, the more people there are in the world who wanna bust ghosts, the better!

We need mirrors AND windows in media. Everyone should be able to see themselves in a book, or a movie, or whatever. But we also all need to see people who DON’T look like us. Little boys need to see that women can bust ghosts just as much as little girls do. That’s how you get grown men who don’t throw a fucking tantrum over a MOVIE.

I spent my whole childhood attaching myself to the one (or in rare cases, two) female characters in a lot of my favorite shows. If I wasn’t a straight white woman, my representation would have been even worse. I’m both jealous of and psyched for all the kids coming up in the world who get to see themselves reflected in media. If the fullness in my heart when I first saw the movie A League of Their Own is what other people are feeling when they connect to a character, then I want EVERYONE to have that feeling. That movie made me feel normal as a kid when I didn’t. We all deserve that.

I wanna be clear, I’m not saying the 2016 Ghostbusters was perfect. It didn’t redefine the genre or anything, but it was FUN. Sometimes that’s enough. If you haven’t watched it yet, give it a try! And more importantly, if you watch it and still don’t like it, that’s fine, but don’t ruin it for people who DO like it.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

I saw Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire and I really liked it, but I’m getting real fuckin sick of the 2016 Ghostbusters erasure.

[my-darling-boy]

Genuinely asking, isn't self-diagnose with a condition kind of dangerous? Because legitimizing self-diagnosing opens a door to many malicious people who would want to exploit the fact they can self-diagnose? And in turn, make the space of autistic people worse?

Was going to skip this, but I’m writing a LONG response because I’m VERY exhausted with the amount of misinformation I see on this “self dx is dangerous” take, so buckle up and allow me to info dump.

Recently, authentic_autism_advocacy, an Instagram account run by a supposed medically diagnosed autistic woman was discovered to be a non-autistic woman, Connie Manning, posing as a medically diagnosed autistic person to spread hate and anti-self diagnosing speech. In reality, she is a neurotypical mother who regularly uses her autistic son for clout; she also turned out to have a hand behind CalmWear, a brand of sensory compression products designed for disabled people. Not only had she been spewing hatred towards other autistic people, she had been accusing well known AFAB autistic tiktokers like beckspectrum of faking being autistic and threatening self diagnosed autistics and saying they are a danger to the community, and engaging in other incredibly discriminating behaviour. Yes, she herself was a neurotypical person posing as a medically diagnosed autistic to perpetuate hateful rhetoric about self diagnosed people and used her voice to speak OVER autistic folk for financial gain and exploitation of autistic people, including her own son. If you want to read this roller coaster of a story, an autistic person wrote an entire article on it with tons of screenshots and sources.

So let me make one thing clear to you.

The purpose of actually, genuinely self diagnosing is not done to attract attention or to parade around and exploit other autistic people. Self diagnosed autistic individuals have recognised due to difficult life circumstances, financial hardship, bigotry and stigma within the medical/legal world, being a minor, lack of insurance, lack of proper access to safe care facilities, being denied assessment due to incompetent or biased practitioners, and/or any other obstacle that they may temporarily or permanently be barred from diagnosis. Self diagnosis does NOT instantly mean a person is posing for clout, nor does it indicate a person is trying to wring money from assistance services or exploit other autistics. And nts who use self diagnose with intentions of harming the community? That’s NOT self diagnosis, that’s abuse of something meant to aid people blocked from medical care or financial means to that care. All we can do for autistic people, no matter who we perceive them to be, is treat them the same way we would any other autistic person. Because the moment you start deciding by your own book who deserves respect and who doesn’t, you’ll be on a slippery slope to locking out thousands of autistic people from the community. If it’s discovered a person like Connie is literally abusing the system of self dx to intentionally mislead the community, by all means, we must hold them accountable. But you cannot simply go about granting and revoking access from people just because someone lacks a diagnosis or doesn’t fit your idea of what being autistic looks like, especially if it’s based on stereotypes.

Moral of the story? Isn’t it ironic how anti-self dx people will 100% believe a user who claims to be medically diagnosed but shows no “written proof” of it, yet always demand written proof from a self dx person? It’s almost like even anti-self dx people can’t tell the difference between someone who is medically diagnosed autistic and someone who isn’t. Well, that’s because they can’t. While there might be common traits, autism has no set model, it is a spectrum, no autistic person is alike; Policing self diagnosed people about their self diagnosis isn’t a form of protecting the community. It’s a form of gatekeeping. If you find yourself granting instant acceptance, without asking for proof, to a person insisting they are medically diagnosed like this neurotyical mother, but then prohibit self dx people from entry entirely on the grounds of not showing proof of medical assessment, you are upholding a double standard. This is why policing autistic people’s diagnosis, self or not, is inherently useless.

So here’s the thing... instead of asking people to stop self diagnosing, what you should instead be asking yourself is, “Why do people self diagnose? What kind of medical system could possibly be in place where people feel they need to resort to self diagnosis rather than get an actual diagnosis?”

Well, it’s mainly common knowledge among most of the autistic community that diagnosis is NOT easy to come by.

One of the main reasons why people cannot get a diagnosis is due to financial/insurance reasons. It’s reasonable to estimate that by the end of 2020 almost 30 million Americans alone were without health insurance. I’ve heard costs out of pocket for an autism diagnosis are between $500-$6000. If a person or a family cannot afford health insurance—which by the way on average is around $5,400 a year for a single person and $13,800 for a family here—where are they supposed to pull out $6,000 to get screened?

You might be asking, “Well aren’t insurances supposed to cover disability?” Sure, there are options for disability care through health insurance—not even going to get into that—but like a lot of things in the US, this is a severely flawed system. A lot of private health insurance will stop or limit coverage for an autism diagnosis or assistance services once a person reaches 18 to 21 years old. In most states, coverage has a higher chance of being denied to autistic adults coming with the added age cap or ONLY covering ABA, an abusive, manipulative “therapy” used to force social compliance and trait suppression on autistic people. The fact that ABA, a conversion therapy, is covered, but little else, shows exactly what insurance companies think of autistic people: they’ll only cover us if we want to learn to be “normal”. This can leave many undiagnosed autistic adults who cannot afford analysis, insurance, or safe assistance services with nowhere to turn. If I was not on my parents’ insurance, there is NO WAY I would EVER be able to afford a diagnosis. I don’t have $2,000 lying around. The MONEY ALONE would prohibit me from getting a diagnosis, no matter how many autistic traits I presented.

When I was going through this system years ago to start a diagnosis, I was shocked to find no therapist within three hours of me was accepting adult patients. “Up to 18 only” their websites would say. And in the event I had found one (1) that accepted me as a then 20 year old with X insurance, and that person refused me diagnosis, I would be out of options unless I planned a 5 hour drive which may have also led me to another biased screener. A person seeking self financed assessment can waste thousands of dollars therapist hopping.

People will say, “Well I live in X place, and where I come from, it’s covered!” Well the reality is that everyone in the world does not live where you live. It’s not realistic to assume everyone is in the same position as you or your family to afford care or access the same resources as you. When you say, “Just go out and get a diagnosis! It’s not that hard!”, understand you are speaking from your personal vantage point where screening may be easily accessed or easily covered/is free OR you have no personal knowledge of what that process is like yourself.

The second thing that bars a ton of people from being diagnosed is the fact that when autism was first discovered, its research was HEAVILY centered on white, cis, heterosexual men. The idea that autistic people are ONLY cis, white, heterosexual men carries on to this day. If you are an outlier to this stereotype, your chances of being misdiagnosed with something else or refused diagnosis skyrocket because so-called “professionals” don’t know how to observe traits in any other person besides a cis, white, heterosexual man, and refuse/fail to recognise the endless ways in which a person can be autistic. ALL the time I hear how AFAB people will go in to get screened only to find out their screener does not believe AFAB people can be autistic, because yes, sexism and anti-lgbtq+ ideas play a huge role in the incredibly outdated diagnostic process, because autism is still believed to be an “AMAB only” thing. People report going into a therapists office and being asked questions like, “Do you like going outside? Do you like having friends?” and being told that if you agree with either of these, you cannot be autistic because criteria at some places is so backwards, you can’t even say you enjoy conversation without failing the test. Other things commonly heard during the analysis are screeners telling someone they are too smart/articulate to be autistic, gas lighting them by saying they are mistaking their symptoms for something else/making them up, telling a person they seem normal, dismissing clear autistic traits by saying they’re unique “superpowers”, or intentionally misdiagnosing a person as ADHD INSTEAD of autistic. People on social media have also pointed out what influences racism has on the diagnostic process as well and how lack of research and understanding of autistic POC contributes to under-diagnosis and stigma has only contributed to refusal of care and under-representation of POC in the disabled community, as one autistic Black woman points out on Instagram, “I found excellent articles that support and validate my feelings and experiences, but I could find no research on autistic Black people.” Additionally, because research has primarily been done on young men, this means anyone who is not a cis man and is over the age of 18 and is seeking a diagnosis has a much higher chance of not receiving one because screeners don’t understand how autistic traits may present differently in adults, especially since adults are very likely to mask. Some autism screeners are so against autism they have told clients they would only diagnosis a person autistic if it was their last resort to avoid “placing a burden on their shoulders”. These reasons are largely responsible for why autism is incredibly mis/under-diagnosed. This ask would be the length of a novel if I included every single type of discrimination and mistreatment during the evaluation process alone, but understand it can be incredibly biased, sexist, transphobic, racist, or just flat out ableist. And guess what? Though this process can take as little as a month to get sorted, that is rare. The assessment SHOULD be very short. But a lot of autistic people have reported their diagnosis took more than 2-4 years because of having to waste time, energy, and money hopping from therapist to therapist looking for someone to take them seriously, as many autistic people compiled on the actuallyautistictiktoks page on Instagram point out.

The last thing I want to touch on is this idea that people have that self diagnosing is dangerous. “What if someone self diagnoses and they take advantage of services that are meant for autistic people?” ...The Big Things you think I am going to take advantage of as a self diagnosed autistic person, like scholarship money for instance or SSDI, I do not have legal access to without a formal diagnosis. I cannot waltz into a law firm and ask for a $5,000 scholarship for autistic people without a diagnosis, because they WILL NOT give it to me!

Let me tell you some of things I’ve “cruelly taken advantage of” as a self diagnosed autistic person. I bought glasses with blue light protection, because screen and fluorescent lighting at work and even natural blue toned light from the sky lowers my threshold for some sensory input like noise and social interaction; wearing them to work everyday has improved my sensory thresholds incredibly. I’ve talked to my manager and told him I’m autistic and that I have a hard time understanding vague direction and may need to step away briefly on occasion to tend to a shutdown before a meltdown comes on at work; he had no problem with this. I use subtitles; sometimes I have trouble processing audio or reading facial expressions and tone, and being able to see the words displayed on the screen gives me a significantly better understanding of what I watch. All my life, I have been having meltdowns which I had mistaken for mental breakdowns or panic attacks and having access to resources that walked me through preventative methods and tips on what to do if I have one has been ENORMOUSLY helpful to me. All my life, I was trying to deal with them thinking they were something else; becoming aware of this and accepting that they are in fact autistic meltdowns has helped me not only go through them, but has helped me redirect stims which at their worst previously had me hitting and clawing my arms, slapping my face, and even hitting my head. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to wait 4 years for a diagnosis to use resources I could be using to make my life more accessible right now!

People will say, “Oh well yeah, I don’t mean You are one of Those Types of self diagnosed autistic people, you clearly sound/look autistic, I’m talking about other people.” The thing is, there is no broad “sounding/looking autistic”, that’s stereotyping, and you can’t demand everyone who interacts with you show you their Autistic Card, because again, not everyone is able to be diagnosed, especially given the mistreatment and stigma present towards autistic people in the medical field! And what made you ask for their diagnosis? Because they “don’t seem autistic” to you? Why didn’t you ask for their diagnosis? Because they “seemed autistic” to you? By denying anyone who doesn’t have a diagnosis resources they may very well need, you are denying assistance to thousands of people who are without means to be diagnosed. And I am SO tired of seeing comments online on self diagnosis posts that “people don’t know what they’re taking about” as if they know us personally, like are you me? Are you my doctor I’ve consulted? Did you watch me academically research and consult with other autistic people about being autistic for over 3 years? I’m tired of “well, one time a self diagnosed person laughed at my actually autistic diagnosed friend...so all self dx people are evil” because there is ZERO correlation between a person being self assessed and their behavior towards a non self assessed person. The fact both those arguments are in use whenever self dx comes up is yet another form of gatekeeping.

Self diagnosing autism is not begging for attention or Evil Criminal Money Funneling Schemes. It is a result of a deeply flawed medical and insurance system that has failed to give proper attention and care to those who need it, it is a result of resources not made available, of safe support systems not there for kids and adults alike. You want to talk about what’s truly dangerous? How the hate group Autism Speaks has been parading itself around since 2005 as an advocacy group for autistic people and has been misusing millions of dollars worth of donation money and promoting stigma and hatred around autistic people; no autistic members are present on their board. How Sia and her new film Music was nominated for 2 Golden Globes despite it replacing the original autistic actor with a neurotypical actor, using offensive stereotypes, and using the main autistic character as a prop, and featured an extremely dangerous bodily restraint scene on an autistic person having a meltdown in public and featured very insensitive content due to Sia’s lack of consulting with autistic people to make the film (spoilers in that article).

Instead of policing autistic people, whether they fit your idea of what an autistic person is or not, redirect your efforts and your energy to dismantling systems and holding others accountable for perpetuating harmful stereotypes about autistic people that are legitimately dangerous on such a scale that they have created insurmountable damage to the autistic community. But I guarantee you, worrying over whether your classmate is “faking it” will not do any justice to the decades worth of discrimination autistic people face still today.

I understand. You care about the community, you don’t want autistic people to be exploited or taken advantage of. I don’t want to be exploited and taken advantage of as an autistic person, and I don’t want that for others! But I also understand that when we self proclaim ourselves as judges of random autistic strangers on the internet or start accusing people of faking or demanding to see medical paperwork from people when the basis of our suspicions is “this person doesn’t look like my stereotyped view on how I think an autistic person should act”, THAT is when you really run into trouble. Because if you are allowed to deny self dx people entrance into the autistic community, what’s stopping you from thinking you have the power to deny ANYONE entrance into that community?

And there is power in self diagnosis for many autistic people. When the evaluation system is literally rigged to set you up for failure and put you through unnecessary hardship, self dx is a self affirming, empowering tool to take back control from a process designed to gaslight and crush you. The evaluation process was NOT formulated by an autistic person, nor was it made to be inclusive of all autistic people. Until the evaluation system in place for autistic people is safe, accessible, and free to ALL, you have EVERY right to self diagnose.

[jayoctodot]

The Silent Patient vs The Maidens

I will start by saying that I understand the appeal of these novels as page-turners. They are easy to read and if you want a twisty reveal at the end, you will probably be entertained and satisfied. That being said, I am SO CONFUSED by the near-universal adoration of The Silent Patient and the reasonably positive reception of The Maidens. The weaknesses of the two are strikingly similar, as well, which doesn’t give me much hope of seeing improvement from this guy, though I am intrigued to see whether he keeps repeating the same (apparently successful!!) patterns. These books were at least super fun to hate.

(For context, I read The Maidens for a bookclub I'm in, because several of the members had read and loved The Silent Patient, and one of them gave me a copy of the latter to read on my own time. I loathed The Maidens and then read The SP for comparative purposes. And because I'm a masochist, apparently.)

SPOILER WARNING! Do not read on unless you've finished both books (or unless you care not for spoilers). Sorry if it gets a bit shouty.

Here are the similar weaknesses I noticed in both:

PSEUDO-PSYCHOLOGY

-> Weirdly similar “group therapy” scenes early on where a cartoonishly unstable patient arrives late, disrupts the meeting by throwing something into the middle of the circle, and is asked to join the group after the therapist(s) speechify on the importance of boundaries (HA! None of these therapists would know an appropriate boundary if it kicked them in the ass) and debate whether to “allow” the patient to join. Both scenes are so transparent in their design to establish the credibility/legitimacy of the narrators as therapists, but instead both Theo and Mariana come off as super patronizing. The protagonists are less and less believable as therapists at the stories progress (though at least Theo’s incompetence is explained away by the “twist” at the end; Mariana, on the other hand, is confronted in the opening pages of the novel by a patient who has self-harmed PRETTY extensively, and rather than ensure he get proper medical attention, she essentially throws him a first aid kit and tosses him out the door so she can pour herself a glass of wine and call her niece... and it devolves from there).

-> Ongoing insistence throughout the narrative that one’s childhood trauma entirely explains the warped/dysfunctional way a character behaves or views the world, which is why the books go out of their way to give EVERY potentially violent character a traumatic childhood; when Theo insists that no one ever became an abuser who hadn’t been abused themselves, I wanted to throw the book across the room. (That is a MYTH, SIR. GET OUT OF HERE WITH YOUR ARMCHAIR PSYCHOLOGY.)

-> Female murderers whose pathology boils down to “history of depression” and “traumatized by a male loved one/family member.” Because, as we all know, depression + abuse = murderer!

-> The “therapy” depicted in both books is laughable and so so unrealistic, mostly because neither narrators function as therapists so much as incompetent detectives, obsessively pursuing a case they have no place pursuing (or skill to pursue - both just happen across every clue mostly by way of clunky conversation with all the people who can provide precisely the snippet of info to send them along to the next person, and the next… until all is revealed in a tired, cliched “twist”). Their constant Psych 101 asides were so tiresome and weirdly dated (also, the constant harping on countertransference got so ridiculous that at one point during "therapy" Theo literally attributes his headache and a particular emotion he feels to Alicia, as though the contents of her head are being broadcast directly into his mind... and I'm PRETTY SURE that's not how it works???)

CHARACTERS

-> Psychotherapist narrators with abusive fathers and pretensions of being Sherlock Holmes, which results in both characters crossing ALL KINDS of ethical lines as they invade the personal lives of everyone even tangentially connected to their cases (and, in Theo's case, violate all kinds of patient confidentiality. Yeah, yeah, by the end, that's the least of his offenses, but before you get there, it's baffling that NO ONE is calling him out on this).

-> All female characters are either elderly with hilariously bad advice, monstrous hulking brutes, or beautiful bitches (except for ~MARIANA~, who is Bella Swan-esque in her unawareness of her own attractiveness, despite multiple men trying to get with her almost immediately after meeting her. I'm so tired of beautiful female characters being oblivious to their own hotness. Are we meant to believe all mirrors and male attention have escaped their notice? If it’s to make them “relatable,” this tactic really fails with me).

-> All characters of color are shallow, cartoonish side characters, and most of them are depicted as unsympathetic minor antagonists (the Sikh Chief Inspector in The Maidens continuously drinks tea from an ever-present thermos, and his only other notable characteristic is his instant dislike of Mariana, whom he VERY RIGHTLY warns to stay out of the investigation that she is VERY MUCH compromising… the Caribbean manager of the Grove is universally disliked by her staff for enforcing stricter safety regulations at the bafflingly poorly run mental institution, because HOW DARE SHE. There's a very clear vibe that we're supposed to dislike these characters and share the protagonists' indignation, but honestly Sangha/Stephanie were completely in the right for trying to shut down their wildly inappropriate investigations).

-> "Working class" characters (or basically anyone excluded from the comfortably upper-crust, educated main cadre of characters) are few and far between in both stories, but when they show up, he depicts them as such caricatures. We got Elsie the pathologically lying housekeeper in the Maidens, who is enticed to share her bullshit with cake, and then a TOOTHLESS LEPRECHAUN DEALING DRUGS UNDER A BRIDGE in the SP. I kid you not, a man described as having the body of a child, the face of Father Time, and no front teeth, emerges from beneath a bridge and offers to sell Theo some "grass." I was dyinggg.

-> There are no characters to root for. Anywhere. Partly because they’re all so thinly drawn — and because we’re clearly supposed to view almost ALL of them as potential suspects, so they’re ALL weird, creepy, or incompetent in some way.

-> The flimsiest of flimsy motives, both for the narrators and the murderers. Theo fully would have gotten away with his involvement in the murder if he hadn't gone out of his way to work at the Grove and "treat" Alicia and his justification for doing so is pretty weak; his rapid descent into stalking and murder fantasy and his random ass decision to "expose" Alicia's husband as a cheater with a spur-of-the-moment home invasion and staged attempted homicide is ONLY justified if the reader hand waves it away as WELP, HE'S CRAZY, I GUESS (after all, he DID have an abusive father and a history of mental illness, and in Michaelides novels, that's ALL YOU NEED to become a violent psycho). I guess we're lucky Mariana didn't also start dropping bodies (because the logic of his fictional universe says she should definitely be a murderer by now... maybe that'll be his Maidens sequel?). But she especially had NO reason to randomly turn detective - and she kept trying to justify it by saying she needed to re-enter the world or that Sebastian would want her to (??), even though she had no background in criminal psychology... or even a particular fondness for mysteries (really, I would've accepted ANYTHING to explain her dogged obsession with the case. WHY were Sebastian and Zoe so certain she would insert herself into the investigation just because one of Zoe's friends was the first victim? WHY?). As for Zoe and Alicia, their motives are mere suggestions: they were both abused and manipulated, and voila! Slippery slope to murder.

WRITING STYLE

-> Incessant allusions to Greek tragedy and myth, apparently to provide a sophisticated gloss over the bare-bones writing style, which opts more for telling than showing and frequently indulges in hilariously bizarre analogies. Credit where credit is due — the references to Greek myth are less clunky in the SP, and I liked learning about the Alcestis play/myth, which I hadn’t heard of before - but OMG the entire characterization of Fosca, who we are meant to believe is a professor of Greek tragedy at one of the most respected universities on the planet, is just absurd. His "lecture" on the liminal in Greek tragedy is essentially the Wikipedia page on the Eleusinian Mysteries capped off with some Hallmark-card carpe diem crap. The lecture hall responds with raucous applause, clearly never having heard such vague genius bullshit before.

-> Super clunky and amateurish narrative device of interludes written by another character; Sebastian’s letter reads like a mashup of Dexter monologues and Clarice’s memory of the screaming sheep, but by FAR the worse offender is Alicia’s diary, where we’re supposed to believe she painstakingly recorded ENTIRE CONVERSATIONS, BEAT-BY-BEAT DIALOGUE, even when she’s just been DRUGGED TO THE GILLS with morphine and has mere moments of consciousness left… and even before that, she literally takes the time to write “He's trying the windows and doors! ...Someone’s inside! Someone’s inside the house! ETC ETC” when she thinks her stalker has broken in downstairs. WHO DOES THAT?)

-> Speaking of dialogue, the dialogue is so bad. Based on his bio, Michaelides got a degree in screenwriting, which makes his terrible dialogue even more baffling.

-> HILARIOUSLY rendered voyeur scenes where the narrators spy on couples having sex. Such unintentionally awkward descriptions. First we had Kathy’s climax sounds through the trees and then the bowler hat carefully placed on a tombstone before the gatekeeper plows a student. Again, I died.

PLOT/"TWIST"

-> The CONSTANT red herrings make for such an exhausting read. Michaelides drops anvils with almost every character that are so obviously meant to designate them as suspects in our minds. There is absolutely no subtlety in his misdirections.

-> The “crossover” scene between the SP and The Maidens makes no sense - when in the timeline does Mariana’s story overlap with Theo’s? They confer just before Theo starts working at the Grove, obviously (though Mariana appears to be the one who alerts Theo to the job opening there? Whereas in the SP, Theo has been obsessively tracking Alicia since the murder and had already planned to apply to work there?), but then are we supposed to believe that while Theo has been psychotically pursuing his warped quest to “help” Alicia, he’s also been diligently treating Zoe, so invested in her case that he repeatedly reaches out to Mariana to get her to visit Zoe and even writes Mariana a lengthy letter to convince her to do so??? And then a couple days after The Maidens ends, Theo is arrested???

-> But the thing I really did hate the most is how Michaelides treats his female murderers (who are both also victims themselves) as mere means to deploy a “twist”; there’s no moment spared to encourage our sympathy for Zoe, who was groomed and manipulated by the only trusted father figure in her life, and even after spending a decent amount of time getting to know Alicia via her ridiculous diary, where it’s so apparent that she’s been demeaned, objectified, manipulated, gaslit, and/or used by EVERY man in her life, she’s sent packing to spend the rest of her days in a coma… HOW much more satisfying would it have been for her to succeed in exposing Theo and reclaiming her voice? But no, she basically rolls over when he comes to finish her off (SPEAKING OF — ARE WE SUPPOSED TO BELIEVE THERE ARE NO SECURITY CAMERAS IN THIS INSTITUTE FOR THE CRIMINALLY INSANE????), writes one last diary entry, and drifts off forever. And then a couple pages of nothing later, the story is over. GOODNIGHT, ALICIA!

Both books kept me rolling throughout (by which I mean eye-rolling but also rotfl). Maybe I will check out his next effort — I’m morbidly curious what he’ll turn out. It does leave me wondering whether I should give up on thriller novels entirely, though. Are many of the weaknesses of these novels just characteristic of the genre? Maybe I'm just holding these books to unfair standards? I'm mostly only familiar with thriller films — many of which I think are amazing — but maybe you can get away with more in a film than you can in a novel.

...I really only intended to write a handful of bullet points, but more and more kept coming to mind as I wrote, to the point where subheadings became necessary. Whoopsie.

[omegawolverine]

I know you posted it days ago but you said something about wanting to rant about either karl or his fanbase and its been itching at my brain. Ive no clue whats happening or what is happening at all cause no one seems to be making clear points?? Or explaining anything?

Obviously you do NOT have to talk about it im sure it might be a sore point to rant because people can get SO needlessly rude to others over it. But if you want to idk explain? Just rant? Im definetly curious what it was over or about.

The "you dont need to talk about this" is amplified by the fact i am DAYS late and you are probably over it by now.

okay hi yes im happy to talk about this but i think i should preface with two things:

1) even tho it may seem like im biased towards him or being very defensive of him im actually a super casual karl viewer and the only reason i am super defensive of him sometimes is bc we act a lot alike irl and that is mainly because of our neurodivegency. when i say a lot i mean we share traits like "annoying" stimming (jumping around, making loud noises, repeating the same phrases until everyone is sick of hearing them), the difficulty reading situations, the very obvious issues with volume control and not just bouncing from subject to subject to subject as we fucking please. basically anything you've seen karl do on stream that is Very Neurodivergent ive done the same in my own way which is why i get defensive when i see people calling him annoying or saying they dont like him, usually for these types of reasons. that being said, when i say im a very casual karl viewer, i fucking mean it. i usually only watch him when he's streaming with other ccs i like or when he's doing chill alt streams bc even with the annoying donos, he's pretty relaxing and comforting when he's just fucking around by himself and he isnt trying to get as hype as he would on a main channel stream. so yeah, it may seem like im biased and sure, i guess i am on some level, but it's not coming from a place of me hyperfixating on him or me even loving him as a cc, it's coming from me being a neurodivergent who likes him just enough to get upset when i see people basically being casually ableist towards him.

2) i dont have all the facts or even a great understanding on what the fuck has been happening recently with his "drama"...mostly bc he talked about it on his priv, which im not on, and people are gatekeeping the tweets, as they always do, and basically making you "dm to see them" (which is already a problem in and of itself bc apparently in these tweets he said he didnt want them being ss and shared, yet they are being shared thru dms over and over and over again like. at that point just stop withholding the information and post the fucking shit, you clearly dont care that he said "dont share"). additionally, most of the threads ive seen on this situation havent actually explained the initial issue, just talked about his apology (a lot of people have said "it's bad" but havent said why and with no screenshots ((i havent asked for someone to dm me them and i still havent seen them posted, which is mildly surprising, but incredibly frustrating at this point)), i only have a few basic details i can actually assess it on) or they talked about the initial issue in very vague details so um. excuse me trying to explain this now, but ill try and make it make sense with how little ive actually pieced together.

(oh, also, here's my first rant about the ableism in this fandom which is way more broad. this is a pretty different rant from that one, but they're both pretty big reasons why i hate this fandoms treatment of karl)

so basically the problems started with mr beast being apart of a charity stream that donated either to autism speaks or to a similar company, im unsure on that part. im also unsure on if the people participating in the stream actually knew of this or not bc, from what i remember, the money was being donated to a separate organization that was like. under the bad company or some shit like that, idk how stuff like that works and also i read about this shit months ago bc this originally happened months ago and just sorta came to a head recently.

anyways, i think karl was supposed to be apart of this stream but pulled out of it right before (that or these were two separate streams and karl was supposed to participate in the first but pulled out while mr beast did both?? idk. regardless karl did not actually participate, just mr beast). from there people started doing the guilt from association bullshit they always do, this was also doubled by the fact that the chris being racist stuff came out sometime around then and basically he got dragged all over twitter for "being ableist" and "supporting racists" and i cant remember if he actually apologized when this originally happened or not. i vaguely remember him apologizing about something back then but i genuinely dont know if it was this or something else.

basically that died down eventually, a good chunk of people unstanned him but him and honktwt didnt end up getting the lovely lil technotwt treatment and they still havent yet, surprisingly. good for them honestly ajsksk

but now we get to the past few weeks and apparently something happened with him "laughing at someone saying the r slur" (it was mizkif, i believe), specifically when it was directed at other people, which is a big yikes, obviously, but when karl was called out for this a lot of people kind of. made this into a situation that it wasnt bc um. basically karl didnt laugh at it, he gave a few nervous giggles, as people often do when in a situation like that (and karl specifically said he does this in the one part of his apology tweet which i did stumble upon, although it wasnt the important part of the apology thread bc why would it be) and people fucking crucified him for it. they quite literally dragged a neurodivergent man for supposedly "laughing at the r slur" when he can literally reclaim it and also he was just nervous laughing.

and this is where the situation just gets really bad because they. basically forced him to admit that he was autistic on his priv to apologize for this. i havent seen the screenshots of him saying this, but i saw people discussing it and i am frankly so fucking pissed about this because sure, it was a bad situation, and i understand people wanting an explanation, but an apology? for a neurodivergent man nervous laughing at a slur he can reclaim? and then forcing the man to admit something he literally said in that tweet he didnt want people to know which is why people were being so gatekeepy about it while also LOUDLY discussing the situation, as if that wouldnt drive MORE PEOPLE to look for screenshots and ways to get ahold of this information? and then people had the audacity to call it a "bad apology" when they had quite literally just violated his privacy by forcing him to admit something that he shouldnt have needed to share in the first place if he didnt want to, which he didnt.

and this is why im so pissed off. karl is already constantly picked at and made fun of and called annoying for his neurodivergent traits, things which he literally cant help, things which are generally harmless, and now he was forced into a situation where he can now be further picked at and made fun of and called annoying bc they forced him to admit something private instead of just understanding and accepting that he had been nervous laughing at someone using a slur he has definetly been called for his neurodivergency.

tldr of my thoughts: yes i think karl needed to address this situation, it definetly looked bad, but twitter stans have this sense of entitlement with their ccs and because of that, they consistently take it way too far and harm the people they claim to care about so dearly. we've seen it happen time and time again with dream, but this is the first time ive seen them basically force someone to out themselves to make their apology "valid" and most of them still seem to not want to accept it anyways, which just makes me feel bad for him bc now that info is out their and people are just disregarding it to continue "holding him accountable".

anyways, i think that's all i can really say on this topic rn tbh, if anyone else knows this situation better please feel free to lmk clarifications and ill add them in since, like i said, i know fuck all thanks to twitter being so goddamn hush hush about the important details while simultaneously being the loudest mfers about how much they hate karl now instead of just fucking unfollowing and moving on.

thanks for the ask and im sorry if this is confusing!! i just think this is one of those weird situations where like. i think karl deserved some criticism for what happened and how he handled it or at least he shouldve been asked to address it but that just. isnt what happened, at all. he was harrassed. karl got harrassed and because of that he handled this situation even more sloppily than he probably wouldve and exposed private info about himself that he didnt feel comfortable doing and it just. fucking sucks tbh.

[forsakenbysinnoh]

Random Headcannons for the Demon Bros that no one asked for.

~Lucifer~

Lucifer never refers to God by name, only ever saying "He" or "My Father".

Despite how he may act, he's proud of his brothers, of their independence and strength. His pact mark reflects that, his own star surrounded by the six of his brothers.

With that, he can also be very worried about his brothers. Being an avatar of a sin is a title that can be won. He makes sure no other demons besides his brothers hold that title.

He has a dark sense of humor that can go unnoticed or be mistaken as threats.

Despite his reputation of being controlling, he's actually rather tired of it. He was forced into this position to protect his loved ones, and to try to figure out how to function after losing the war. Sometimes a part of him wants to be told what hes supposed to do, rather than deal with the mess of making it up as he goes along.

The most scarred of the brothers, especially along his chest and back. When he has to, he hides it with illusions, otherwise he doesn't show his skin.

Takes his debts and what he owes people very seriously. It's why he rarely asks for help even in small things.

Is the only one who can force a pact on an unwilling participant.

Isn't afraid of being controlled, but is scared of losing control to the wrong person or partner. It takes a lot of trust to let him drop the reins in a relationship.

Despite turning into a wolf in the 'Paws and Claws' event, I think the best animal to represent him would be a black unicorn.

~Mammon~

Mammon can be kind of a choosing beggar.

Forgets to be empathetic sometimes and can say some callus things. Sometimes it's good as he can be an outside observer in a situation and see things objectively.

His schemes are mainly to pay off debts. No one is quite sure where he keeps accumulating so many from.

Many people call him a coward, but in reality he's a pacifist. He'd rather run than fight.

Unless you get him hot headed, in which case the gloves are off.

Despite this, he's actually one of the most powerful brothers and can usually win a fight with anyone but Lucifer.

Very agile. Is a natural at parkor and free running.

He doesn't have a high opinion of himself, and his self esteem is in the garbage.

Def has a praise kink tho.

If he's really mad at you, he'll pretend you don't exist. He's not one to get into screaming fights, but he's passive aggressive.

I think a golden dragon with a hoarding tendency fits him well lol

~Leviathan~

He's a big nerd. King of nerds. Absolutely owns it.

Levi actually draws a lot of fanart but never shows it to anyone. He's very jealous of others talent and considers his own art bad.

Def has the Devildom equivalent of Tumblr.

Sometimes can be a fandom gatekeeper/hipster. Likely stems from a place of "I liked this before it was popular and got ridiculed for it. Now it's cool and you're taking over my interest."

Super long theories on current shows with in-depth analysis and pulling info from anywhere he can. Be prepared for his cork board on FNAF.

Sometimes Levi forgets other people have feelings too, especially when he's excited about something, and hurts them by accident. Usually goes back to apologize later when he realizes.

Loves to listen to someone nerd out, even if he's not interested in their interest, he likes them and how passionate about.

He's memorized the TSL books and movies. They are his biggest passion and he loves them so much.

He's a self shipper, ships himself with his favorite wifus and husbandos (he has both) and takes those "which character are you?" Quizzes all the time.

Knows how to code and hopes to make his own game one day.

Snake tends to be the go to for Levi, and I think a lizard or another reptile makes sense. They tend to scurry away from most creature, except for those like them.

~Satan~

(My boy so I might be a little biased/rambling here)

Satan was made after Lucifer lost the war, but he started growing in Lucifer's heart before then.

Satan is the only demon/angel that was not made by God directly, and he feels that effects his relationship with others.

He's not good at empathy, and it's a skill he's still working on.

Satan was the serpent in the garden who caused Eve to fall. He thought it was very unfair that God would refuse humanity knowledge, the one thing that he values above all else.

As he was developing/learning from each of his brothers, they each gave him an item that was important to him that he still keeps. Even Lucifer.

Keeps control of his emotions which can lead to violent outbursts if pushed far enough. No one has seen him completely unhinged except Lucifer.

Loves adventure books/series, especially long ones with intricate plots. Murder mysteries are his absolute favorite. Dislikes the 'Love triangle' trope a LOT.

Likes to listen and create stories.

Very magically adept. He knows many advanced spells and always has a hunger to learn more. Probably has made quite a few spells himself.

Cat. He's a cat. There was no competition here. His spirit animal is a kitty and I love him for it.

~Asmodeus~

Asmo, despite being the avatar of lust, cares about consent a lot. He wants his partners to feel good when they're with him, not like they're afraid or helpless.

Well, unless that's your thing, in which case he'll make sure a safe word is in use ;)

Knows a lot about sex. If you have any question he will be happy to answer it without making it seem awkward or taboo. Though he will flirt and offer to show you himself.

He's very confident in his body and looks. Asmo knows he's a catch and good looking, and wants to keep it that way.

Doesn't mind showing off his scars from the war and wishes he could help Lucifer with his perception of his scars.

He will NOT have anyone body shamed in his presence.

Has ALL the gossip. He knows who's sleeping with who, what relationship drama is going down where, and keeps up with it daily.

Gender roles? Who is she? Being beautiful is for anyone.

He shows affection through touch. This makes him come off a bit needy and he tends to invade other's spaces.

There's more to lust than just sex though, it's pure, unrestrained desire. Desire to learn, to hurt, to take revenge, to love and be loved. He can sense someone's deepest desires and loves to bring that to the surface.

This is why Satan is one of his favorite brothers, there's a lot of pure emotion in him that he keeps covered up.

I think a Siren would fit him best, able to draw out what people desire the most.

~Beelzebub~

Beel has a soft heart. He cares a lot for his family, even when he's mad at them.

His kindness has gotten other demons trying to take advantage of him, which is why he tries to hide it behind a facade of being a big brute.

He's a cuddler. Beel is touch starved and wants nothing more than just to hold someone close and know they love him.

Nightmares are a constant struggle for him. He still blames himself for Lilith's death and not being strong enough.

Unless Belphie is around, Beel has a hard time sleeping.

Like Mammon, Beel a pacifist, though he's usually a little more willing to throw his weight around when needed.

When Lucifer isn't around, Beel is the one to try and get his brother's on the same page. If it's a lost cause he'll just leave for some comfort food.

Unless it's a serious matter, in which case it'll be one of the few occasions he yells.

Is self conscious about the food he eats and how everyone sees him as just the big grunt who loves to eat.

Beel is basically a pitbull. He seems scary and dangerous on the outside, but really he's just a teddy bear.

~Belphagor (spoilers)~

(I'm still a little salty that Belphie here killed me. Just as a warning lol)

Belphie's powers include sleeplessness and inducing a weekend nap. He either never sleeps or is sleeping for several hours.

I don't know why but I'm betting he'd be good at Uno.

Hates being confronted by his mistakes, would rather pretend they didn't happen in the first place

Asks for piggie back rides from Beel when he's too tired to walk.

He's the only one who can get Beel to sleep without nightmares. No one is quite sure if that's cause of his powers, or if he just is good at comforting his brother.

I see him as being good at poems. Soothing words that have a rhythm to them. You listen to him speak and before you know it you're asleep.

He brushes off most kindness as fake and doesn't trust anyone.

The most comfortable hoodie. Hugs are warm and soft.

Animal: a small fluffy cow. You know the ones I'm talking about. Fluff central.

[legends-live-in-memories]

I Have Too Many Opinions. ep. 1

lmao. i got encouragement to post my opinions on fandom things and now i want to make a miniseries doing just that. so here i am. doing just that.

im putting it under the cut cuz this was 4 whole pages including the disclaimer. yes i put a disclaimer and i explain why.

Anyways, here is the first piece in what inevitably will become fandom info dump, this time on thomas astruc’s writing on miraculous ladybug. but only some of my opinions cuz we would be here all day otherwise.

So… a disclaimer before I begin… 

I do not hate Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug and Chat Noir (yes i'm using their government name). I am quite a fan of the show actually despite its faults. I am also older than the intended audience but was obviously younger when the show first aired which is how my interest was piqued (the fact that its been 6 years and only 3 seasons says more about the show than me being a fan for that amount of time but also i never want to rush content creators cuz they're doing their best) and due to my age, there will be inherent bias in my approach of what i'm about to say as there is in EVERY opinion. The fact that it is an opinion should imply the presence of bias but most people tend to lack the critical thinking skills required to draw that conclusion ANYWAYS…

If I did hate the show I would not have this blog nor would I be even writing this because i tend to not give more than 2 seconds of thought to things i actively dislike (some of yall should give this a try) and i'm allowed to like things that are designed for an audience that i was originally a part of but grew out of. (I don't suddenly stop liking things because I'm older despite what many younger fans seem to believe about older audiences. I also don't need to be ‘allowed’ to do anything cuz i wasn't asking for permission anyways.)

This will not be character bashing, astruc bashing nor fandom bashing cuz, again, that would imply i hate any of those elements and if i did, i would not dedicate brainpower to them. Analyses and criticisms of media are fun and engaging and required if you wish to produce good enjoyable content. Now most of this should be already assumed and self-explanatory but people on the internet like to play morality roulette roll dice on purity culture and I rather have documentation that I am in fact not bullying fictional 14 year olds or a grown man. But alas, people get trigger happy whenever someone has less than 1000000% positive opinions on something they like and will throw out words they can't define (gaslight, baiting, toxic, problematic, gatekeep etc) in an attempt to defend their blind devotion, 

which is not needed, if you like something you never have to defend it, even if i don't like it. If you respond to anything I post saying you disagree with me, I will not argue with you. I won't debate back and forth and try to convince you that the things you like are wrong. Unless you are being absolutely tone deaf to what i'm saying, you wont get a negative reaction from me. So don't try to fish for a fight. Please. I got metaphorical hands for days and I'm mean, you don't want me hurting your feelings on the internet. Do yourself the favour. Difference of opinion is how we get diversification in media and is inherently a good thing. Now that that's out of the way, please don't ever let me have to say that again. I beg.

Now onto the fun stuff

I didn't know what I wanted as a first topic so my trusty internet friend @moonlitceleste suggested astruc’s writing… 

AND BOI do i got some opinions on ole tommy boi. Again I don't hate the dude. In fact, he has worked on a few shows that had defined my childhood, including but not limited to W.I.T.C.H. (all eps available on youtube for those interested, 2 seasons, general fun time all around).

So I don't think he’s scum of the earth but I do think his approach to writing mlb specifically has more misses than hits.

The first big miss is that he has no idea how to write 14 year old girls. At all. Almost every girl he has ever written feels like some terrible archetype built entirely for marketability and childish projection and pubescent self-insert (kind of). He has never been a 14 year old girl. I have. In fact when the show first aired, I WAS around the (assumed) age of the mlb characters. The behaviour he passes off as quirky or awkward or just the character’s genuine personality tend to perpetuate harmful stereotypes of teen girls found in the media and are never actually addressed as harmful. they just get swept under the rug. Marinette’s exuberant collage of teen heart throb model boi Adrien Agreste and her very painful almost fan worship she has of him (which flip flops like a paper sandal in the rain) being portrayed as a cute school girl crush uwu, Chloe being the y7 Regina George, Alya being the token best friend of colour with her ‘sassy’ personality (i want y'all to imagine me eyerolling so hard i bust a vessel in my eye), Kagami being the very damaging Perfect Asian Child stereotype. And before y'all get on your dusty soap box and defend going on about “BUT IT'S FOR CHILDREN”,,,, know this.

 i don’t give a solid fuck. 

Not one. 

Children arent stupid. Children are always going to remember the richy bitchy blonde who bullies the art kid, and the big kid, and the shy kid, and the non white kids, and was only nice to her equally rich white friend who she probably had a crush on or was only ever civil to her equally white lapdog. They're going to remember the half asian girl who was never allowed to actually be asian or the only black girl who existed solely as a soundboard for enabling bad habits or chastising the main character for the same habits she enables in the first place (boi aint THAT a topic for later). Like do i really need to explain that alya chastising marinette for taking max’s spot in gamer just to play with adrien rings absolutely hollow when she actively encourages her to sabotage the contest she’s in just so Kagami doesn't win?? Like I don't have to explain that right?? Again kids arent stupid and its quite something that Mari gets chastised for proving herself the best video game player regardless of her intentions just cuz it comes at the expense of max’s feelings/ego but is actively encouraged to sabotage not only kagami but herself by extension cuz kagami is ‘competition.’ Adrien is not a trophy to be won. And no I don't expect 14 yrs old to be perfect and to always make good decisions but these decisions are never addressed as being bad decisions. they get swept under the rug cuz those decisions were necessary for the ‘plot’ but astruc can barely keep characterization consistent and his characters suffer for it and it's the same children you preach are watching it that suffer as well. Cuz guess what? I KNOW 14 yr olds aren't like that cuz i've been there done that (this is the last time i'm saying that i promise) so I know astruc is just metaphorically throwing darts to figure out who says and does what without consideration for pre established personalities to drive the stalemate plot along. The same kids you say are watching this don't know that that's not how preteens work and will absorb and internalize those dynamics like baking soda and vinegar. Cata-fucking-strophically. 

And I haven't even gotten to the boys yet. Which honestly doesn't require much explanation anyways cuz they suffer the same fate as the girls. Tired archetypes with nothing to give them life. Nino falls into Adrien’s person of colour token best friend who dates the female lead’s person of colour token best friend so they can have cute double dates uwu. Except the plot goes nowhere and we have no inclination of romantic development beyond moments that only act to actively convince me to anti ship the lovesquare (i don't want to do that so i self indulge in fanon that actually cares about the characters and plot. may i interest you in True Sight on AO3?). Max is the residential nerd but it doesn't matter (cuz he and everyone are dumbed down for the sake of ‘plot’), kim is the sports jock (which interestingly subverts the asian comedic relief stereotype but only barely) and luka is cute older guy ™ that wears black nail polish and is in a band. The point of all this is to say there is no depth in the characters. It's especially blatantly obvious with the characters astruc doesn't like (chloe). Again, it being a show for kids is not an excuse to be absolved of putting effort into the characters you make.

This is one of the biggest misses astruc has. I haven't even gone into all the nuances of this particular miss. And i havent gone into how that works against him in the plot either. Mostly because the plot itself hasn't gone anywhere and partially because I wanted to go into the plot (or lack thereof) separately as its own miss. 

AND BOI is it a miss. 

SO home boy astruc wanted to reap the benefits of a serial show with ‘engaging’ plot without putting in any of the work to make a linear storyline and relying on the episodic format for, again, marketability. You can't have the best of both worlds, you are not Avatar: The Last Airbender. Which btw has a lot less episodes and a desired end goal that didn't involve top dollar. Legend of Korra did but that's not the point and it had its failings with that too. I challenge you, tell me how many episodes actually contribute towards a plot point or introduce new thematic elements to the show? Can you name them? I can and I'm going to include the plot points that moved the story in some direction if only temporarily. Yes only temporarily for some of these and i will explain later. (if you're in the server you already saw this list *wink*)

25/26. Origins- self explanatory, the beginning of the story, 

24. Volpina- introduction of the grimoire and Master Fu (kind of) and no, Lila is not a plot point,

28. The Collector- proper introduction of Master Fu,

37. Sapotis- introduction of Rena Rouge,

41. Syren- introduction of new aquatic power ups,

44. Anansi- introduction of Carapace,

47. Frozer- introduction of new ice power ups,

48/49. Style Queen- introduction of Queen Bee,

51/52. Heroes’ Day- introduction of Mayura and mass akumatization,

66. Startrain- introduction of Pegasus,

67. Kwami Buster- Marinette wears multiple miraculouses,

68. Feast- backstory as to how the miraculouses were lost,

69. Ikari Gozen- introduction of Ryuko,

70. Timetagger- introduction of Bunnyx,

71. Party Crasher- introduction of Roi Singe and Viperion,

73. Chat Blanc- alternate timeline that essentially means nothing but got a reaction out of fans anyways (myself included)

 77/78. Love Eater/Battle of Miraculous- Marinette becomes guardian and other heroes lose their miraculous,

New York Special- other heroes exist and there is an American miraculous box,

That's 21 episodes. 21 out of a heaping 78 plus 2 specials. Everything else was just your typical akuma of the day episode and everything that happened outside that had no lasting consequences on the plot thanks to the miraculous status quo. Was it entertaining to watch Lila stir the plot of the class dynamic? Hell yeah. Too bad it meant nothing by the end of the episode cuz we were struck with miraculous status quo. She literally doesn't appear again until Heroes Day. that is from episodes 25 all the way to 51, she means nothing and yet she is treated with the severity of a b-villain/rival thing. She means nothing by the end of Volpina if I'm being honest. She is only relevant for 20 mins of episode time she’s in then it's back to magic status quo that undoes any shift in dynamics and relationships. It's like Spongebob who can't get his driver’s license. The worst part is I actually like Lila and I wish the story treated her with the seriousness we as an audience are expected to treat her with. Despite being painfully inconsequential by the end of each of the 3?? 4?? episodes she’s in, it's entertaining to watch a character create drama just because. 

Too bad it means nothing.

Astruc is constantly building up suspense to something ‘important’ only for it to not deliver and fans are constantly having the rug pulled out from under us. Oblivio teased us with a reveal only that gets undone cuz memory akuma. Chat Blanc teased us with romantic development but that gets undone cuz time travel bullshit. Feast introduced more miraculous lore and the history of the guardians but that means nothing by the next episode or ever (i'm not including any reference to the season 4 trailer cuz i've been around the block a few times and im familiar with this lil dancy dance). Heroes Day teased us with a possible future team of heroes but that gets undone in Battle of Miraculous cuz ????? why?? (here's why; astruc was having a jolly ole time letting us know how irredeemable Chloe is at the expense of shooting his own stagnant plot in the foot. Again, discussion for later.)

Too bad anything that slightly swerves off course from the akuma of the day gets undone or ignored. Too bad nothing has any lasting consequence. I mean, if anything did, the episodes would have had a consistent order and release schedule so im not scrambling to watch the leaked ep in Portuguese or something while the french dub is two episodes behind while the english version hasnt even been dubbed. I really wonder how he plans to conclude the show when he’s so afraid to step out of the corner he painted himself in.

Again, not going into nuances. If you want you can ask for more specifics (i doubt anyone would) but this is really just a slightly detailed general overview of my opinions on astruc’s writing. 

I was going to include another miss in his approach to this show but imma save that for another time. 

How’s that for a ‘first’ post?

[freezinglemur]

Oki in the main timeline of mi aus where the Tree makes a hero which has all of the colorz. All is fine and dandy until the first gray shape is born lmao and like, he's like, "Why can't I do beat magic??????" 

And shapes r like "but you can" but its just natural magic and not beat magic becuz anyone can do natural magic but the gray shape can't do beat magic but everyone else can so he gets jealous but even the hero can't find a way to give them beat magic(cuz hes gray) so he decides that "if they can't give me beat magic maybe I can make my own" and goes on to experiemence with shards and colorz and basically finds a color that like, can override a color, its a rather specific shade of pink lmao and decided he should like, test it with himself, 

AND BAM

PINK

Was excited and showed everyone at his village that he can do beat magic now but ppl were scared cuz overriding a color is like

Something that never happened b4 and now the village ppl r scared, they like banished the gra- PINK shape out of the village and all that pizzaz, and like Corru(the pink shape) got angy and decided revenge at the village that basically escalated(due to the emotion amplifying effect of being pink has) to like, having almost all of the shapes and plants moving islands or like hiding in caves and stuff,

Okay okay so Corru basically took the tree shattered the hero shape, destroyed the village, and basically corrupted everyone

After finding out that some shapes escaped he got mad and decided that maybe he should like corrupt everyone and shit, some pink guys lose control btw and some of them r practically the same person but pink

This lasted like

A bunch of years(like 200-600 years?)

But Like during those years even if the tree is separated it chose the next protectors of it gvjdsgdsbva

And like BAM 

Chronos, Milky Ways and Logic Gatekeeper! (not their original names lmao) Guardians have specific power stuff instead of colors, like Time, Space and Mind gjdfshkjfdkh

And fgkf they fought Corru and seal him away IN the TREE with THEM to make SURE they WOULDNT ESCAPE :]

Which works lmao Corru cant escape the tree hahaha

And hes angy that his powers r like locked to a good exteny lmao and is only Lil used to train heroes cuz weakened powers= fight baby, which he do not like cuz he want 2 win and not loose, 

So he decides another plan to like have someone else corrupt paradise 4 him and basically made a shard of all his powerz, its very concentrated lmao, and while Tria and Pents were being made he like, snuck out the shard and hopes it finds a guy who can spread it

B

B

B

Blixer

14 years old

Island: Florentis

Color: Gray

Type: Cat-shape Mountain Bush Hybrid

jgdjtsjtwhtstwafhfhfhJgsahhahahahhahahaaha-

Blixer wandered into the forest , he was planning to play his guitar in a hidden clearing he found, but he found something else, something bright, something loud, something… Powerful

He's scared what is this, what danger is this that even I'm scared? One who cannot be affected by such kind of magic scared of it? It floated- ZIPPED through the air even- like a little beam and stabbed Blixer right in the eye

Jwrwhalgdahsgsgkkgs

Then he woke up somewhere else, lol, gray shapes can't be hurt by beat magic cuz they just absorb it, the only for a gray to corrupt is to use a corrupted treeangle shard, becuz gray shapes don't have access to the magic becuz they don't have color, to use beat magic- which is a special hard light magic that can only be summoned with sound AND light- and gray shapes don't have enough of that light(color) to be able to use it,

Ueurajwkkstktsfka

And then like he doesn't remember where or who he is lmao, only info was this name scratched on the guitar he has which is Blixer, to be specific they don't rember who they are, how old is he, where he came from, and where he is now, he can remember some skills tho, and some info too

They're in Paradise btw

Now basically he went to a town, named Arce, now this town don't like corrupted shapes cuz they think its VERY dangerous, Blixer came in town not knowing of this fact and got chased of out of town, found a cave and started living there, for like, a bunch of years, like 5 years i think? 

Stole some clothes from time-to-time cuz clother were getting small, and learned how to survive on his own 😔 , planned revenge at the town cuz AMD and scared and that town was his like target of hatred, and like trained with powers and stuff, found out he can corrupt stuff too, which is not possible for pink shapes, the Guardians in the tree found out the Corru got someone corrupted with a big chunk of his power and decided to make another hero to stop who ever he corrupted

Square

After fighting the Guardians the Guardians found the shape that got corrupted and made him as the final trial before getting out of the tree

Blixer was lucid dreaming during the fight becuz it happened while he was asleep

Cube was like, just moved into Acre just a month ago and found a small cyan shard, usually you see shards as what color you are, but a hero's shard is what color they would be once they form, the first hero was different becuz it didn't need a caretaker to exist, while next following heroes needed one becuz having caretakers limits the hero's existence to keep in check on how many there are

A hero's existence normally lasts as long as its caretaker

SQUARE CAME INTO EXISTENCE BAM

Cube now has acquired child, And like Square followed Cube becuz okay Ur my caretaker now

And they got into this cave and found a Gray plant :]

Square was gonna give them a shard as a gift cuz u know, gifts, and Blixer identified Square and and then the game plot stuff happened

1/?? Might not know when i send the rest but im still doing it :]

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ohhhh this is so ebic!! :D

This lore gives me life! Many thanks for sharing, I look forward to whenever the next bit may be sent :]

[growingupautie]

StoryTime: The White Card Incident

(2,770 words but worth the read.)

In January of 2013, I was promoted from a part-time weekend job as a technology sales representative for Lenovo to the Marketing Development Manager for Lenovo in charge of half of my entire city of Houston. For a while, I felt like I was on top of the world. I loved my job and traveling through my city. I loved meeting all the people in the 50 plus stores I had to visit and started to memorize a lot of them and what we talked about.

I even made my route have me end up near Chinatown on some days so I could stop by and eat lunch there (and get some things from my favorite bakery.) But just as Kandace and I were planning on using this newfound position to get an apartment together, something terrible happened. In October of that year, we got on our weekly conference call as we always did, but the mood seemed somber and no one was talking or laughing like they used to.

When our boss came on, she also seemed upset and had trouble getting her words out. I could tell that everyone on the call, all 20 plus of us from across the United States just wanted her to say what was happening so we could rip the bandaid off. After a minute of praise that felt hollow given the tone of the call, someone finally asked if she could get to the news we were told to expect.

She said "sorry" and continued to tell us that the parent company we work for had lost the contract with Lenovo after failed negotiations and our positions were being terminated immediately. The call somehow fell more silent. Everyone had questions. Myself included. But in the end, we found out most of what we wanted to know. The Lenovo branded cars we drove were to be returned, (I had let my vehicle stay broken down as I didn't need it and it would be expensive to fix.)

The laptop we were provided was to be returned as well along with the phone, and hotspot device. But the most important bit of info came when someone asked if we would be allowed to apply for unemployment. "Of course we would be able to. We paid into it, we worked, we should be able to get that back." but to our surprise, the boss said something along the lines of "no don't do that! We could get in trouble! We haven't paid into that!" All of us were stunned. Someone asked how that was even possible.

It turns out the loophole in the law they had found was that because the company was in Akron Ohio, and we all worked and paid taxes in our various other cities somehow they managed to not pay into it. We didn't get bogged down into the why or how, but all that meant to us was suddenly we were without cars and a paycheck and would be denied unemployment. I was devastated. I really thought I had found a place to grow and could see myself making a career out of it.

We were about to sign papers on an apartment and suddenly I'm without a job, without a working car, and without any kind of financial assistance. Some issues happened around my family and after a short time, I got my car somewhat fixed and I moved out of the house into Dadaw's (grandmother's) house. I tried frantically to get another job. After all, I had just been in charge if half of Houston for a big company. Surely I would be offered another position somewhere soon.

But as time went by, nobody had called. I had very little money left, and very little outside help if any. Hope was dwindling, relationships were strained. I had spoken to at least 20 job placement agencies. After my mom informed me that I had been diagnosed as Autistic as a child, I had reconnected with D.A.R.S. (Department of Rehabilitative Services) who help people with disabilities get help with work and other things.

But they refuse to help me based on my other medical issues because they closed my case before, and they refused to help me as an Autistic until I got rediagnosed. They paid for me to be rediagnosed, I did so with no sleep, having skipped dinner and breakfast, and with a ridiculous amount of stress on my shoulders.

I aced their IQ test minus the memory portion, and after a while of convincing the doctor I was Autistic through old stories and experiences and the fact that I had been diagnosed, he agreed. That day, I went home with my heart sunk in my chest. I felt like a failure for needing this kind of help. I felt like a broken or incomplete person because I couldn't do it on my own.

And after months of their "help," working with a bunch of disability-based job agencies, the "help" of 20 plus other job placement agencies I had saught out, and filling out applications online myself, no matter what I tried, I couldn't get a job anywhere. I couldn't afford to eat, and I didn't want Dadaw to pay for me as she often couldn't afford much. A few people in my life suggested I get food stamps. Several people in my life told me I should apply food stamps. But the idea of that in itself was terrifying.

But after a while, between eating very little, my friends taking me out from time to time, and constant pestering from my family I felt I was left with no choice. I went to the food stamp office with my head down, the people around me had the same downtrodden demeanor. When they called me back, I felt a rush of emotions. Guilt, remorse, sorrow, anger that it came to this.

But most of all, I felt embarrassed. Growing up, food stamps had been used as an insult toward the people around me, I knew at one point my family had needed them and used them and I felt like as someone who had been constantly bullied growing up, I was opening myself up for more. I played through a million scenarios in my head as I walked back. Someone I know seeing me at the checkout counter, the cashier silently judging me, the people around me, me dropping the white card with the unmistakable logo in front of someone.

I snapped out of it and sat down in the interview room to answer questions to determine my eligibility. But it felt like a police interrogation to me. I felt like I was cheating the system. Like it wasn't for me, but someone else who deserved it. Someone else who needed it. I felt the eyes of the interviewer boring into me as if to say "why are you even here?" I spoke up about to break. "I...I don't even want to do this." Her face changed from accusatory and annoyed, to shock.

I let her know that I felt like I had no other choice, that I felt embarrassed. I explained my situation, and she looked at me almost begrudgingly endearing. "Son, if you need help, you need help." she said. "That's what it's here for." I felt somewhat relieved or at least a little better about not actually cheating the system. They accepted my application, and I was approved.

When I got the card, I was once again filled with dread. Replaying the simulations over and over in my head a million times. Finding a way to cheat the system in a way to avoid being bullied, I realized I could use the self-check-out. Then quickly realized if I get one of those "please remove items from cart" messages or something else regarding my card, someone would have to come up and help me anyway.

Still, I figured it was my best hope for avoiding confrontations, and I parked outside the grocery store. I checked my balance on the card and made sure everything was working, went in and got a basket, and started shopping while feeling like a spy. Like somehow I would get caught and it would be the end of the road for me. I'm honestly surprised nobody thought I was shoplifting as nervous as I was.

When I was done, I walked over to the self-check-out area doubling down on my earlier decision when a woman stopped me and said they were all closed for repairs. Panic set in. I didn't say anything. I just sort of smiled and walked away with my basket.

The 15 items or less line was almost empty but I had too many items. The next line had too many people. The next few lines had the same amount of people and items, and I started doing the math on which cashier was scanning and bagging faster vs how judgmental they look trying to get myself into the best possible situation.

Eventually, I found a line sandwiched between two closed lines with only one woman and her 2 kids in the basket with a few items. The cashier didn't seem to care much about anything and didn't seem like a gatekeeper or any other kind of threat. And the woman in front of me seemed sad and aloof as well so I felt like things were going to be ok. The woman smiled at me and apologized for having so many items. "It's not that much. It's fine." I responded with a smile.

But suddenly from behind me, I felt a high strung angry presence. Like a monster who's in a hurry and I'm in his path. As each item was scanned, he started saying "Oh God...." "Of course..." and "Just great..." in a demeaning and monstrous tone. The woman continued to hide her face with her back to him and sulked further into herself as he continued. "Cash or credit?" The cashier asked in a monotone voice. "I...uh...Here..." The woman said quietly and she tried to hand her..."A food stamp card..." I thought to myself.

I realized that I and the woman felt the same at that moment. In need of help, but afraid to seek it out, and even afraid to use it once that help had been provided. I started to piece the scene together realizing the kids had beat up shoes and clothes, and the woman did as well. They were clearly hungry and frightened by this angry rhino of a person and just wanted to get some food. I started to think of all the scenarios that could have put them in that situation. But then I realized it didn't matter.

Only a moment had passed while I thought through all of these things, the children were terrified of this man already and then he saw it..."OH GREAT! MY TAX DOLLARS AT WORK!" he screamed scaring the kids even more. He began to verbally narrate what he thought her situation was. accusing her of getting "knocked up" to "leech off the system." He said people like them were a "drain on the economy" all while using language inappropriate to use around her children.

At that moment after the initial shock wore off, I grasped my card in my pocket as anger built up inside of me. I knew what I was afraid of, I had built it up in my head, and this ignorant jerk was making it a reality for a down on their luck mom and her two scared children. I immediately pivoted. "What did you just say?" I told him with a face that said: "I dare you to repeat that." apparently too blustered to care, he said, "I SAID PEOPLE LIKE HER ARE A DRAIN ON THE ECONOMY!"

I whipped my card out and held it in-between two fingers right in his face. "And what about me?" I spoke out with an angry but in control tone. "I...Uh..." he said as it became clear to me, like most bullies, this one was only doing this because he thought his targets (this mom and her kids) would not be able to defend themselves. I yelled at him more, trying to control my voice so I didn't frighten the kids anymore "Well, you had all kinds of ignorant crap to say a minute ago!"

He snapped out of his shock bullies go into when someone stands up to them. "Wh...Why don't you mind your own business?! I WASN'T EVEN TALKING TO YOU! WHY DON'T YOU FIND ANOTHER LINE!" He started to build up steam again making the children huddle in the cart.

Having had enough of his nonsense I moved my card, leaned in with a scowl, got uncomfortably close to his face and angrily whispered: "Why don't YOU find another line before I find one for you..." a terrified look came across his face as he realized doubling down on his ignorance would not get the job done and after a pained audible gulp in the "big man's" throat he was frantically on his way spouting off "That's what I thought" and other face-saving phrases.

I timidly turned back to the family making sure I had dropped my "don't mess with me" persona (My Autistic folks know this one) so I didn't scare them. I asked them if they were ok. Her eyes were filled with tears, and so were the kids. She smiled at me and thanked me for stepping in. I told her kids that it was ok because he was gone now and offered to walk them to their car. She said she appreciated it but they would be fine.

The checkout woman handed her a receipt and obviously wanted to stay out of the situation. I saw the woman leave and she smiled at me on the way out. I had enough items that it took a good 5 minutes to check me out. I realized in that time I was no longer afraid of being seen with my card. Maybe it was the adrenaline of standing up to that bully, maybe it was outing myself to protect that family, after all, it would be silly to be afraid now that everyone had clearly seen it.

I paid, went outside, and on my windshield was a note on small lined paper that had been torn out of a planner of some sort that said: "You will be blessed all the days of your life." I don't know who left it, or if it was in response to what happened, or even how they found out which car was mine, but it was there.

The message here is two-fold. First, it is easy to get caught up in thinking you don't need help, or that even if you did it isn't for you. "It's for someone more deserving." sometimes it's just the fear of being bullied or ridiculed for accepting it. And because of this, a lot of people wait until they hit "the bottom" before they ever consider asking and even then they might not.

In a better world, we would destigmatize the need for help. Therapy, government assistance, shelters, these things are in place to help people, and if people need help, they should be able to get it without being berated to tears over it. The last thing someone who's questioning if they need help or not needs is some blowhard with their ignorant opinions of why they don't. Which brings me to the second message.

If you see something like this happening, and you have the power to step in whether you are personally affected or not, do it. This includes all forms of bullying. Bullies are cowards. They may double down, but once these types of people realize that we won't allow this anymore and there are actually people who will stand against them, they buckle under the pressure. If you see it, shut it down.

This has been another [Growing Up Aspie] Storytime. If you'd like to help me make more content more often, please consider supporting me at Paypal.me/growingupaspie or with a monthly pledge of $1 or more at patreon.com/irishwolfproductions. Thank you for your support.

-Nathan Alan McConnell

[syubub]

Instead of talking to all these anons why not go talk to bee themselves so they can explain their side to you because all of this is really unnecessary and a conversation between the two of you can clear things up. They really don’t deserve all the hate theyre getting and being misgendered is not helping either so please just message them because the spreading of this can be very counterintuitive

Ive been looking but I can't find their account. If anyone has their account I would love to know so I can talk to them directly.

I don't want this to be counterintuitive and I can see why this discourse could be seen as such. This is partly me trying to figure out what the fuck even happened and also, as I've said, it's good for us to talk about the responsibilities that people have as readers. I don't hate bee and I don't think anyone really does. I think talking about the situation and giving criticism is a fair thing to do.

I would love to hear bees side bc I genuinely don't think that they're a bad person at all I just take issue with how they went about making claims. It's the internet and everyone has the right to say what they please and because I haven't gotten any of this from the source I'm just trying to understand from the people that were here when it happened and giving my thoughts.

Misgendering people intentionally is never okay to do and I hope the people that have sent asks with the wrong pronouns simply didn't know.

I think not talking about it would also be a disservice but I do think their is a way to go about it. At the beginning I was definitely reacting emotionally given the info that I had bc I had nothing else to go off of. So I was definitely not aware of all the nuances that came with the situation. But now I'm still confused but I think people have a right to be critical but I also can see how specific word choice/ way of wording could have played a massive part in this whole situation.

Like I said, I don't know bc I can't talk to bee. But my general assumption at this point is that they weren't ever meaning to do any harm and I do think that they were just doing what they thought was good. I have criticism for how they went about it and how these things can impact the rest of the community too.

If I've come off as hateful that isn't my intention. Bee didn't commit some ridiculous sin that warrants being cast from the community AT ALL. I have my issues with some things that they claimed and that's it.

I hope bee comes back and hopefully takes some of the criticism and starts again. I'm not here to gatekeep and I hope it doesn't come off that way either. I just think that it would have been a more responsible decision to not make such claims or at least to have a disclaimer. Bee seems nice. Genuinely.

[mandysimo13]

2020 has been a helluva year

I know it’s not technically new year’s yet but since it’s on my mind, let’s do a year in review. 

This year has been so fucking disorienting, in so many ways, and it’s hard to believe anything is real. Every other day there’s new outrage, new disgust, new triumphs, new joys, new fears, new ways to cope with existence. 

First we list the good from this year. 

My two best friends welcomed brand new daughters into the world. I was lucky enough to spend two weeks with one of them, helping her out since her in-laws are too compromised to help and her own mother is gone. I got to see my brand new niece have her first few experiences in life, hang out with dogs, and spend lots of time with my sister-from-another-mister. 

I got engaged to an amazing partner who is everything I’ve wanted in a spouse. He’s sweet and funny and makes me want to be a better person and work hard towards my goals. He’s the most supportive of my new career path and while he’s not always super interested in what I’m researching, he’s always willing to listen to me info dump when I get excited. He lets me help him and kick him in the ass when he needs it, lets me hold him when he needs it, and I never feel unloved or unwanted with him. Not to mention, the sex is really good, too, lol

I’ve started working on a new career path and trying to make history my job. I’ve been doing lectures on niche history and working towards making it a legitimate job and a legitimate company. I’ve been gaining a following and legitimacy as I make networking connections and getting my foot in doors that will open up opportunities for me. 

I have not lost anyone very close to me during this pandemic, even if a couple have gotten sick or injured. I did lose an uncle to covid, though he was 90 and was already in declining health. The other people who have caught it have so far managed to recover and haven’t had any obvious long lasting problems (yet *knock on wood*) 

I got on anxiety and depression medication this year and it has made all the difference this year; not only with the every day stuff but with some of the pandemic craziness. I honestly don’t know how I would be doing, mentally and emotionally, without it. I am very very very grateful for my meds, despite the very few side effects I’ve had. 

Now for the bad

Every day there is something new and awful to be had. Whether it’s US politics continually shitting on struggling americans or murder hornets or natural disasters or covid deniers or police brutality or fear mongers or throw a dart at this bingo card from hell year we’ve had. It’s all been fucked up and Too Much™

The isolating and social distancing, while absolutely necessary, has been exhausting and terrifying, and it’s been rough. I’m an extrovert. I thrive around people. I miss crowds. I miss walking around through stores without freaking out about distance. I miss being able to give hugs to people other than the people I live with. I miss traveling, which was my previous job, and the students I used to expose to the world. I miss being able to actually be part of the world.

I’ve been fairly lucky that my closest friends have kept small bubbles so we’ve been able to hang out from time to time but nowhere near as often as I need in order to feel balanced. I miss my historian happy hours. I miss movie theaters. I’ve been to a few restaurants since they’ve opened but it’s definitely not the same and I feel bad for everyone (including myself) caught between having to go out and make a living and staying home and staying safe because this country’s “social safety nets” are a fucking joke. 

And speaking of those safety nets, I’m on unemployment. For the first time in my working life I’m cashing in those tax dollars and all I’m entitled to is $450 a month. Thank fucking god I live with family and don’t need to pay rent. Thank fuck that my dad pays for our internet and majority of our food. Because aside from a few donations for my services every month, I **just** have enough to cover my few bills. This has been my poorest fucking year and you know what the kicker is? 

It was supposed to be my most profitable. This was supposed to be my busiest year for tour work since I got into the business. I missed out on so much money, so many work experiences, so many opportunities because of this fucking plague. And because our government couldn’t get their shit together. Because people fucking suck and they’re selfish and they decided their convenience was more important than safety. And those people are still fucking denying its “that big a deal” and denying the need for a vaccine. I’m so tired of hearing people say that covid is a hoax or overblown or whatever the fuck. I’m tired. 

In lieu of being around people, like most of you, I’ve taken to being on social media more. More zoom calls, more video chats, more messenger chats, and more facebook groups. And what I’ve found is that living almost entirely on the internet is doing something fucking awful to us: we’re forgetting there’s real people on the other side of the screen. We’re forgetting that humans are complicated beings, both capable of goodness and shittiness and we’re focusing too much on the bad because it is often louder than the good. I’ve seen so much infighting and gatekeeping and nastiness between people who are supposedly “on the same side” in every group from political to fucking memes. Like. It’s ridiculous and tiresome and it makes me want to clunk heads together. Or leave earth for awhile. 

Just. All in all, this year has been hard. There have been highlights but for the most part everything is so heavy and dark and I feel like as a society nothing is actually getting better. I don’t have a lot of hope for 2021. I am not encouraged by what I’ve seen this year and how people insist on behaving and treating each other. I fear that 2021 is going to be worse before it gets better. 

But hey. At least Biden won (don’t get me started, he was not my first choice) and I get to marry the love of my life in October next year. 

And, if we’re really lucky, we’ll be able to celebrate with our friends. 

Here’s to 2021, hopefully you’re not a giant suck salad.