#the stupid hat brigade

[mermaidsirennikita]

On Derek Craven Day Eve, some things I love about Derek Craven.

—he was born in a drainpipe (and named himself)

—he specifically named himself something he has a hard time pronouncing naturally, as Derek can’t do h’s, th’s, or v’s very (wery) well

—he saw the woman he loved in a mask once and he didn’t recognize her until he was literally on top of her

—he totally Did That Thing Y'all Wanna Pretend He Didn't Do (if you know, you know)

—he tried to take Sara’s stupid hat (the first one) off and kinda accidentally dropped it and was all GO WITH IT and turned it into A Moment

—when he and Sara had to stop going at it because he could get her off and she started trembling with blue balls his response was “YEAH I KNOW RIGHT”

[southparkhcsocs]

Hi again, I’m the anon that asked for main 4 +Butters w/ an s/o who kicks and punches in there sleep and I was wondering if you could do main 4 +Butters with an s/o who gets stuck in a tree and now needs help getting down, thanks!

Thanks for the ask!

this is a fun one. but TREE?? Never seen one in my life RIP

Stan Marsh

Tsk tsk tsk

You don't know what happened

ig you were chasing a squirrel?

But you ended up in a tree before Stan even realised you were gone

Kyle Broflovski

Sigh

Well you knew he was going to be mad

but you didn't want to call the fire brigade

so you called Kyle

Just said to meet him by the big tree in the park

he called the fire brigade

Kenny McCormick

hohohohohoho

You thought it wasn't possible

but c'mon it's Kenny!

anything is possible with him

ANYTHING

Eric Cartman

So fucking stupid

You don't know what came over you honestly

but you wanted to clime that tree

he was right he didn't help you

good thing you were wearing his hat other wise he would of left you there.

Leopold "Butters" Stotch

He didn't even doubt you could clime the tree

tbh you think you just wanted an excuse to clime it

why??

why does anyone do anything in life?

[g0tmilkx3]

FOOLISH

Things were normal after their breakup. Well normal for them.

OR

Carmy doesn't have the balls to tell his family he and Syd broke up.

Warnings: MINORS DNI, Arguing, Angst, Past Relationship, Toxic Relationship, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Possessive Behavior, Unprotected Sex, Jealousy If You Squint, Alcoholism, Marijuana Mention

Divider: firefly-graphics.tumblr.com GIF: trainstationgoodbye.tumblr.com

Part 1 | Part 2

A/N:

I tried to remain as true to the characters as I could. That's why there's a toxic relationship tag. You and I both know what would happen if those two got together. The title is based on Foolish by Ashanti btw. Sorry in advance for any weird formatting. Tumblr is being weird but it's Posted on AO3 with the correct formatting.

The sun rose as it did any other day. When the birds sang and car horns cried to break up the melody, Sydney Adamu hustled to The Bear. Through the labyrinth she knew as Chicago she found a place that brought her relaxation and excitement. A place that raised her blood pressure while simultaneously bringing it down to a happy medium. She and her business partner slash idol (slash ex), worked tirelessly to curate the perfect dining experience. Well almost perfect. But, from Sydney's experience, they were near perfection.

A colorful knitted cap sat upon her head, her braids draped down below. With each stride, the blond tips would bounce against her back and shoulders creating a rhythm that stayed in tune with the music blaring from her AirPods.

°⋆ I’ve seen you with the lights off I’ve seen you and you think you love me I’ve seen you with your hat off I’m dreaming of a time you knew me ｡⋆

Wind swooshed around her, dirt twisted before her sending dust to scratch her eyes. Water tip-toed the rim of her lids.

°⋆ So baby, is it all you’ve got? Tell me if you got some more-ore I’m thinking of some time off, off. I’m dreaming of a time when you knew me ｡⋆

No matter how many times Chicago hurt her, she just couldn't leave. Brandished over her heart, a chain that anchored her to the city. A gold chain that she found hidden in a velvet box that was gifted to her by her ex-lover on her last birthday. Wearing it still felt stupid now, but she could never bring herself to remove it. Fleeting memories from her youth reminded her of who she once was. So strong-willed and outspoken.

°⋆ Some things never seem to fucking work ｡⋆

While she still retained much of her buoyant personality, it was becoming harder and harder to remain strong. Sanguine her lenses once were, now not so much.

“Eighty-six the foie gras chefs!” Carmy echoed, not taking his eyes off the sizzling slice of filet mignon in his skillet. He scooped up melted butter and herbs before pouring them over the scorching meat. A concentrated red stream of blood trailed down a crevice embedded in the meat.

“Yes, Chef!" The brigade echoed back, in a cultish chant.

"Eh, it was experimental anyways.” Syd shrugged continuing her prep of the day’s veggies.

Carmy chuckled sparing a glance at her as he plated what he'd just finished preparing. "And kind of illegal." 

“Are we still eighty-six-ing the-“

“Rum cake? Yes, Marcus is out today and we just don't have the coverage” He cut a small piece off of the beef and neared Syd. His voice became small as he reached her bubble. "There's a surplus of prepped dessert he made last night."

“Marcus? Out?” She took the piece of steak Carmy held out for her into her mouth without missing a beat. An involuntary moan bubbled out of her throat. “You’re unreal,” She could swear a pink tint spread across his cheeks, but he turned away to grab the plated dish before she could examine it any further. “I was just talking to him last night, what’s up?”

“His mom.” Carmy stepped aside as each member of the kitchen staff stopped by to steal a piece of his latest dish. Their eyes remained connected despite the intrusion of the staff stepping in and out of their line of sight. “I didn’t ask too much he sounded bummed.”

“Fuck, I should talk to him.” She frowned down at her station finding that most of what she needed prepped was prepped. “T, I did the veggies can you please get on the broth?” She called while wiping down where she'd just been working.

“On it Jeff!” Tina got to work as Syd made her way to the back alley removing her blues on the way. 

“Syd? I'll be right back Mom.” There was static breaking his voice up before he came through clearly. “Hey, what’s up?”

“Hey chef is everything alright? Carm was vague as usual…” Her eyes found the clear blue skies, there wasn't a cloud in sight. The expansive scape reminded her of his eyes. How he could convey so much to her in silence. So much goddamn information was stored in his eyes. Hidden away behind a sorrowful gaze that would forever follow Syd. His intense stare would probably follow her until the end of time. Those weren't eyes you so easily forgot.

It was a beautiful day, yes, but she had a hard time appreciating it. There was a jet gliding across the sky. She watched it ease across the pretty blue backdrop, leaving white exhaust behind it.

“Yeah my mom, she has a fever and a fever for you and me isn’t a big deal. But a fever for her…” He grumbled something she couldn't quite make out. Despite their distance, she could still feel the amount of stress he was under. He was her family. Everyone at The Bear was her family and each of them had unique relationships. “So I just decided to hold down the fort and make sure she’s doing all right.”

“Right, right” Syd turned just in time to see Carmy walking out the back door, cigarette in his mouth. Their eyes met briefly making her falter in her words. 

“Still there, Syd?” Marcus asked as a timer buzzed in the distance.

“I am,” She turned away, ignoring the burn in her cheeks. “How about I come by after work and bring you what the fam had today?”

“You the one!” He graciously exclaimed. “I gotta go, but alright just call when you're on the way.”

“Peace.” She shoved her phone into her back pocket and whipped her head to find Carmy already looking at her. Pounding just beneath her ribcage, her heart inflated with anticipation. The hair trailing the nape of her neck stood on end as goosebumps rushed up her arms. Their space remained shrouded in silence. How much time had passed? Seconds to minutes, minutes to who knows. They were rarely one on one these days. It was easier to navigate the sludge they'd gotten themselves into when other people were around to break the tension up. She wanted to leave but her legs remained still. There was something hiding. Something waiting to come out. She just felt it. So she stayed, listening to the industrial sounds of the city. The jet was now long gone, but its roar still hummed quietly beneath it all.

Carm's cigarette smoke floated past her. She quirked an eyebrow at her business partner who huffed while shaking his head. He hands her a cigarette to her which she hesitantly took. Despite not being a smoker. They needed something to break the ice these days and it sucked. In the kitchen, it was like nothing ever happened. Like they never fell in love, like they never broke up, but outside of the kitchen? Forget about it.

“Just got off the phone with my mom.” He ran a hand through his hair making it impossibly messier. "You don't smoke." He deadpanned plucking the cigarette from behind her ear and putting it behind his.

“You seemed bummed, didn't want to make it awkward.” She hesitantly chuckled before quickly looking at her feet. “Must've been heavy, the conversation with your mom. I’ve never known my Carmy to stop prep an hour to open for a smoke break."

“Your Carmy.” He muttered under his breath, hiding it behind a chuckle. "Yeah, well she has that effect on me." He stomped his cigarette out, feeling traces of guilt. Syd was never too shy to tell him exactly how she felt about cigarette smoke. She didn't mind weed though.

"Meat delivery was wrong... again." She mentioned trying to find anything to continue their conversation.

"We gotta find another fucking vendor." He cracked his knuckles, now that his cigarette was gone he needed something else to satisfy his vice.

"We do. But the guys we work with now are reliable." The two shared a look. "Semi-reliable and cheap. So we're stuck with 'em."

Another stretch of uncomfortable silence followed. More avoidant glances. More shuffling.

If only he just said what he wanted, she thought to herself. If only he'd release her by simply saying what he needed to say. She wouldn't (no) she couldn't leave without finding out why those baby blues of his were so downcast so pleading and so, so broken. But Carmy was even more stubborn after their severance, they barely knew each other these days. But this felt huge. It felt big, she could feel it vibrating that invisible cord between them. Disturbing the constant hum they sustained, even after everything.

"What'd your mom say?" She finally let her curiosity win.

There it was. His eyes flashed with something akin to fear and his lips twitched. He fidgeted even more. He was always in motion. Moving, moving, moving. “She asked to meet you y’know?” He rubbed a hand down his mouth, slowly nodding his head. He stared out in front of him, at nothing in particular. But she could see his anxiety beginning to bleed into his irises. She could feel it too and god she'd do anything to make it stop.

“You didn’t tell her?” Her thoughts were interrupted by that revelation. For the first time in a long time, she stepped into his space and caught his gaze. “Carmy it’s been weeks.” She stopped short. "No, months! Like two whole months!"

"Almost two months." He corrected earning him one of Syd's signature eye rolls. “I know, I know.” He sighed trying to drop her big brown eyes but it was proving impossible. Each time he'd find the ground or a spot just past her shoulder their shared magnetism would beg his attention. Forcing him to bare his soul.  “Look, only the crew knows. Richie just got back from vacation and I guess I just never see Sugar enough to mention it."

Carmy was still in denial that he and Syd had reached an end before Richie left. He spent the early days in a dreamlike state, hoping that he'd blink and everything would be back to normal. That he'd wake up and everything wasn't on fire and she'd look at him with the love she used to and not the resentment that now replaced it. Once he came to terms with it, Richie was gone and Sugar was far too busy to stop by, with the fresh addition to the family and all. The staff noticed but they didn't say anything. He wasn't going to say anything either. Tina realized what occurred when she saw their mirrored shame. Eyes avoidant and chemistry nonexistent. The family felt their disconnect as it trickled down to each and every one of them. Ebra was the first to slice the tension one day after closing.

"Tensions heavy." He called from a far corner of the kitchen, after a painful bout of awkward silence. "Trouble in paradise?"

Carmy's eyes met hers as she hesitantly dragged her gaze to him. If they told them it'd make it official. It'd make it real. Fuck him if he didn't want this shit to be the worst nightmare of his life. His throat was dry when she looked around the room. His heart pounded when she clasped her hands together and uttered the revealing truth.

"Me and Carm have decided to keep our relationship strictly professional for the betterment of the business." She sagged her shoulders. "Happy? Now come on let's get it chefs, we all wanna get home right?" She didn't look back at Carmy as she grabbed her cleaning utensils and escaped to the walk-in.

"Chef!" They called behind her. Tina's frown followed Carmy as he entered the walk-in behind Syd.

"Really?" He complained angrily. "Wh-wh-what are you doing? Why are you doing this to me?" His eyes searched hers. "That's how you choose to do it, Syd?"

"How the fuck else were we going to tell them? Sit them down one by one in our office. 'Oh yeah, your bosses aren't fucking each other anymore. Prepare your stations for a walk thru', that's real professional!"

He raised his voice, frustration boiling over. His face was hot with a thin sheen of sweat over it. The cool air of the walk-in did nothing to help. It only made it harder to breathe. Her angry eyes only made his breath shorter.  "Anything but that!" 

She sighed taking note of his erratic breathing. Once upon a time, she was the one that'd calm him down, now she was the source of his worries. How quickly the fucking tides change.

"Look, Carm I'm sorry." She avoided rubbing her closed fist over her chest. It felt wrong now. "I didn't mean for it to be messy, but we've been tiptoeing around each other for weeks they were bound to find out."

She brushed past him exiting their bubble. The eyes of the staff greeted her plunging her back into reality.

"Do you guys want a picture? A straight-to-DVD recording? Or what." She deadpanned before shouting. "Let's go!" She stormed to her station finishing her tasks.

This all happened after Richie left, a few weeks back. It wasn't like Carmy to just go and call up Richie during his time off. Call him for what? To give him the good news? Carmy didn't want to bother him with something so trivial and high school. "I haven't had the time to tell my family about us. Sugar took it upon herself to tell Mom about our first anniversary coming up and now… now she wants to meet you.”

Her eyes narrowed in skepticism.

Okay, so he wasn't being entirely truthful and he's pretty sure she knew it. He intentionally hadn't told anybody. He didn't want to. It'd make it feel too final. He and Syd breaking up just didn't sit right with him and he wasn't sure if it ever would. Sydney, however, didn't have a problem telling whoever. She was taking their breakup like a champ.

She frowned contemplating exactly how they got to this point. It began how any work romance started. Fleeting glances and red cheeks. Accidental touches that soon lingered. One too many hangouts that lasted way too long. One too many drinks led to a passionate and intense hookup. Then the inevitable downfall. Too much time spent with one another. Going to work and seeing each other, going home and seeing each other, seeing the best but the worst in each other. Uneven work distribution eventually began interfering with their personal relationship. They thought they could work through it, that was until it started affecting the workplace and their dynamic. One too many complaints from the staff of a hostile work environment and that was it. One of them just had to stop it. It was Syd who called it quits first, she knew Carmy would drag his feet and draw it out for a lot longer than it needed to be. Carmy didn’t have the energy to beg her to stay but his eyes said it all. She thought they fell back into step. Back to a neutral place, nothing deeper than coworkers. But every now and then they’d catch each other’s eyes or he’d get just a little too close to her and it was all so real again. But they knew better than to go back there. 

“We were together for less than a year-“

“I’ve never been with anybody for a year…” He interjected in a matter-of-fact tone. “Sorry, my family they just, they’re happy that I found someone to put up with me. It's sort of a big deal for them." It would've been a big deal for him too if only they'd actually made it a year. "God they’re gonna have a good laugh when I show up to dinner alone.”

Syd frowned looking back up at the sky. “My point is, I don’t think it should be this hard for us. You know disconnecting from each other….”

“We’re business partners.” He lamented. “We disconnect The Bear fails.”

“This place is never going to fail.” She shakes her head looking back down at him.

“I don't know Syd. Everything I touch...” He looks at her with a familiar echo of fear in his eyes. “Everything I touch fails.”

She watched him crack his knuckles, hands shaky, before walking back inside leaving her with her thoughts.

As promised after closing Syd made her way to her best friends' house with enough food for three.

"From what I've seen, that family is unwell." Marcus lightly jests. "I mean if Mikey is any indicator..." He widens his eyes trying to convey just how hectic the Berzattos were.

"Trust me Marcus I know." She sips her third glass of wine of the night. "I just wish I didn't care so much!"

"Carmy was your best friend once upon a time," He reminded, ignoring her eye roll. "Roll your eyes all you want sis. You two dated for a year, it's normal to still care about him a little bit."

Too bad she cared about him a lot. Maybe too much. "Yes, but enough to be his girlfriend for one more night just so his family doesn't rip into him?"

"I mean," He shrugs. "It seems."

"It'd be a bad idea right?" More semi-expensive wine slid down her throat. "It'd be bonkers to go along with this, especially after the whole ordeal."

She was referring to her 4 weeks of crying on Marcus' couch, in sweats post-break-up. She was always sure to clean up nice and put on a smile when she went to work, but Marcus was there through the worst of it. He'd never seen her look so small, so vulnerable as she did the first few weeks after they called it quits. She'd lay her head in his lap and cry and cry until she fell asleep. When she wasn't crying she was talking about what she could've done, what he could've done. Which led to anger and then to the inevitable crying. She'd spend the mornings before work throwing up, it only just stopped a couple of weeks ago.

"Look, I don't want you going through that again. But you seem to really want to help out Carm and what's one night?" He poured her more red wine. "You're over him right?"

She gulps down her wine instead of answering. Maybe it was the wine but she could feel water gathering in her eyes. The air conditioning blew past her cooling the tears and making them all the more real. She shook her head, annoyed with herself for crying over him, STILL.

"Fuck! I'm sorry." Marcus rushed to her side and pulled her into a hug.

"No, no it's" She laughs through her tears as she wipes the fresh ones away. "It's the wine I promise."

"I'm still sorry for you know asking that." He replied. "Especially this early on."

"It's okay, friend.” She shakes her head and sniffles as she pulls away. "It's been some months, I should be able to talk about our," relationship. "situation without crying like a little bitch."

"I don't think there's a time limit on getting over someone you loved." He replies sincerely ignoring her previous self-dig. "And if you ask me two months isn't enough time to get over anything."

"Almost two months and good thing I didn't ask you." She teased, tugging on her coat. "I gotta dip but thanks for this."

"Do you know what you're gonna do?" He follows her to the door noticing the stumble in her step. “You can stay the night if you want.”

She leans slightly to the left, eyes hooded. Her face crumbled with each passing second, the tough facade tumbling down. “I’ve decided what I’m gonna do.” She drops her shoulders. "Have an extra pair of sweats waiting though."

"Yes, Chef." He salutes weakly as a worried frown grew on his face. Watching her struggle to slip back into her Crocs helped him make up his mind. “Okay buddy you’re sleeping on my couch, come on.” He easily guided her back to the couch.

”Grab the sweats!” She shouts behind Marcus as she laid back on the cushioned surface.  

“When is it?” Her words were hushed but clear. 3 o'clock on the dot had arrived and sleep evaded her still. She tossed and turn until her phone was in her hand and his number was being dialed. It was now or never. There was no way she was going to do this sober.

Of course, he’d pick up, the insomniac. “What?” He held his phone against his shoulder as he stirred his boiling ramen.

“The-the thing." She supplies, although with no explanation her words were useless.

"Syd, I don't-"

"When am I meeting your family, who isn’t Sugar.” She explains. "The dinner."

"Ah, I get it now." He stops what he was doing and turns away from the stove taking his phone into his hand. "You're drunk."

"Okay and?" She scoffs, "Look Carm, I decided that I'll lend you a hand now so later when I need a recommendation you'll help me."

"I'd help you, either way, Chef."

"I bet." She blew a raspberry. "So, when is it, big guy?"

"When is what?" He shot back.

"Carmy" She whines his name the way she used to. It made his heart pound and a smile spread across his face. It made his conscious mind melt away, replacing his thoughts with Syd, Syd, Syd.

It made him feel vulnerable and his voice got all soft and mushy, he'd feel embarrassed if he didn't enjoy how she made him feel so much. So, with a tone only reserved for her, he made her a promise. "Sunday night, 6. I'll swing by yours on the way."

"It's a date!” She says without thinking twice. “Or no it's not a date!"

"Drink some water and get some sleep Syd." He tutted fondly as he silently wondered when the urge to take care of her would go away. "I'll bring you some soup in the morning."

Before she could respond the dial tone interrupted her thoughts. "Asshole." She muttered affectionately before tossing her phone on the coffee table and nodding off to sleep.

True to his word the next morning he handed her a warm Tupperware container filled with his signature hangover soup. They both managed to show up before any of the other staff did. Despite sleeping over at Marcus' she managed to get up by five so she could go home, change, then hustle to The Bear.

“Did you-“

“No, I didn’t.” He shook his head. “Syd come on I know you’re allergic to sesame seeds."

She shrugs chuckling to herself as she uncovered the warm cloudy liquid. The aroma wafted past her reminding her why she trusted Carmy so much with her career trajectory. "We can all be victims of forgetfulness."

"I'd never forget something like that." His words were heavy. Weighted with what they both knew but didn't want to say.

Instead of a day filled with a familiar waltz the ex-lovers shared, their routine was filled with affliction. Damaging the very foundations of what helped the kitchen run so smoothly.

"You two are weird," Richie whispered to Carmy during their cigarette break. "Did uh something happen? You two aren't you know... tweedle dee and tweedle dum-ing it today."

"We uh we-we..." He breathed wanting so desperately to tell him exactly what was going on but he couldn't. The staff obviously hadn't shared the latest gossip with him and Carmy was grateful for the rush that kept them busy for much of the day. After tonight he would but not now. "Just nervous about tonight."

"Listen I already spoke with Donna, it's gonna be small just us. We're only popping open two bottles of wine."

"It's not the wine I'm worried about it's, it's." He pressed the heel of his hand against his eye. Weary of the conversation already. "I never wanted to mix Syd in with that side of the family, of me. What if she sees mom and what she does to me and she-she just leaves" He lets all of the air he'd been holding out. "What if she decides this place isn't worth it" that I'm not worth it "and she leaves for good?"

"Carmy, you're so much of a know-it-all prick I sometimes forget that you have no experience with women." He laughs then took a long drag from his cigarette. As if Carmy's dumbfounded expression alone stressed him out. "What the fuck are you talkin' about?"

"You're not listening cousin-"

"I am. Syd isn't going to up and leave you after meeting your shitty mom- no offense." He redundantly remarks. "If she was gonna leave she would've a long time ago. The girl loves you."

"I don't know...she, we-we arent-" The confession tasted bitter in his throat, the words were on the tip of his tongue when Richie interrupted him.

"She does, every relationship has its rough patch. Some last longer than others." He muttered, blinking away the memory of his once happy family. "She's nervous too according to Sugar."

"Really?" The hopefulness in his voice made Richie scoff at his naive cousin.

"Yeah, Syd's been asking her advice and shit about what she should wear and what Donna's favorite color is. The works."

Carmy exhaled feeling the tightening in his chest decompress. "You sure?" The hopeful lilt in his voice made his cheeks burn, but he couldn't really bring himself to care.

"Yeah kid, really" He blew a raspberry. "God I hope I'm never as gone as the two of you. Just foolish." He muttered the ladder part of his sentence to himself.

“A dress?” He tries not to let his eyes linger on her long legs, the same legs that wrapped around him night after night, but he failed. He noticed her outfit choice when he picked her up, but it took a while for him to muster up the courage to say something about it. 

“I wanted to wear something different.” She tugged at the hem. “Too short? You know I'm not a dress person.”

“No, no” He finally left her legs and met her eyes. “You look perfect.”

“Bear!” His mom swings the door open and pulled him into a hug, tears already kissing her eyes. “You look so handsome, and you combed your hair?” She teased tugging at a strand. She turns to Syd, tears welling up once again. “And look at you.” She holds her hand eyeing her up and down. “Carmy goes on and on about those pretty brown eyes of yours but he did not do them justice.” She pulls Syd into a hug as Carmen darts his eyes around looking for an escape route.

"I brought you flowers." She hands the Berzatto matriarch a purple assortment of flowers.

"Wow," She eyed the bouquet admiring the color. “Oh Bear, she’s,” Donna shakes her head. “She’s gorgeous, your babies are going to be just beautiful” She turned away and entered the bustling house before he could speak. The soft sounds of Frank Sinatra drifted past their ears as the door swayed behind her.

“Sorry,” He quietly winces. 

"Don't apologize," Syd hesitantly intertwines her fingers with his. "That's what any mom would say to her son and his girlfriend, remember?" She raised an eyebrow.

Carmy let a shaky breath go, gently wiggling his fingers in an attempt to calm his nerves. "Right, I just. I think I need a second outside."

Syd frowned before tugging the door closed and turning towards her counterpart. Her hands rested on his sweater-clad shoulders, forcing him to direct his full attention to her.

"Carm, just relax. It's just a dinner, we can leave whenever you want." She frowned when he shook his head, eyes blinking rapidly.

"M-my family, my mom. Everything is fucked... you-you see what happened with-" He couldn't say Mikey's name right now. It'd break him and he wasn't going to cry in front of Syd. She probably already thinks so lowly of him, after everything he put her through. He still felt indebted to her. "And I just don't want you mixed up in that."

"Well, good news! I'm black and I like to mind my business so we're golden. Now let's go inside, it's getting chilly." Carmy surprised himself with laughter making Syd crack a prideful smile. She grabbed his hand once more finding it a lot less shaky.

The dining room table was grand, littered with masterfully prepared dishes. The gift of cooking obviously ran in the family. Each of them took their place at the table. Syd's eyes trailed the room, beginning at the head of the table and moving counterclockwise. There was Donna who was on her third glass of whiskey followed by Sugar. Sugar's eyes were worried as she looked at her husband, Peter, who held their new addition in his lap. Next to Peter was Carmy who hadn't looked up from his plate yet. At the end directly across from Donna sat Sydney. She was a natural against the brut energy Donna gave off. Across from Carmy sat Richie who was going on and on about some MMA fight, his mouth filled with pasta. Sydney commented on it twice in disgust. Following Richie was Fak who wasn't invited but heard about the dinner and just decided to show up with some girl who seemed to mirror his energy.

Things continued smoothly as time lazily dragged behind them. The much-awaited grand finale usually took place during dessert. Donna was soon to amass their attention. Carmy braced himself as they all dug into their desserts. A nervous glance was shared between him and Natalie.

The lack of conversation could be heard. Silence in the Berzatto house was always so, so loud. The Berzattos were not quiet people, even Sydney knew nothing good lay ahead.

"So Sydney!" Donna began fondly, now beginning to consume her seventh glass of alcohol. She'd begun mixing brown and white two cups ago. "I want to know more about you, who is Chef Sydney the girl who stole our Bear's heart, and put up with him for a whole year!"

She could feel the shift in Carmy's energy, which naturally threw hers off but she quickly recovered.

"I'm from here, erm Chicago. And I've loved cooking since I can remember." She gives the blond woman a tight-lipped grin.

"Short, sweet, and to the point!" Donna chuckled, loudly. It went on for a second too long. "You gotta tell me, what's your secret for dealing with a basketcase like Carmy Berzatto? Because I tell you.."

An awkward silence descended down the table until it reached Sydney, who brushed it off easily. She glanced at Carmy, his eyes avoided hers as discontentment filled them. Upon closer inspection, she could see anger beginning to turn his face red. "Actually, it's been pretty easy." They matched eyes before she confidently turned to Donna. "He's an amazing person. He's attentive and caring he always takes time to listen and he's a big softie beneath all of that... machismo" She teased. lightly. "I've never worked with a chef so dedicated. So gifted-"

"Gifted?" Donna quirked a brow, almost mockingly.

"He cooks like... like nothing I've ever seen before, well 'tasted' before. I don't think he's ever made a bad dish in his life. It's what made me fall in love with him." His smile was small but present. It was reserved, only for her to see.

'You mean that?' He just barely tilted his chin.

'I've got you.' She gently nods once.

“Our big successful chef.” Donna interrupted their silent discussion. Sydney turned to her as her smile morphed into an unwelcoming snarl. Where fondness slept envy roared alive. “Too big to come and say hi to his mama bear.” Her fork clanked against her plate. The sound was reminiscent of swords being drawn, ready to head into battle.

”Hey, Donna could you tell me the tiramisu recipe?” Richie attempted to steer her attention away. "It's good as hell! Fak pass me the dish-"

”Ask bear!” She grinned at him. “It’s Mikey’s recipe the one he came up with alongside Carm!”

The table sat still, each head hesitantly turning towards Carmy. Richie found the table while Sugar attentively examined Donna. Peter examined Sugar, their babbling baby in his arms blissfully unaware of the building tensions. Sydney didn’t know why but Carmy looked so small. Not like himself. Her hand reached for his under the table, his touch made her shiver. Slowly, she pulled his hand to rest in her lap, cupped within hers. She placed her other hand above his cocooning his hand in her warmth and protection.

He sighed deeply as he looked into Sydney’s encouraging brown eyes. He remained looking at her as he spoke. “Mikey loved using half heavy cream half coconut cream. We figured it out one day when we didn’t have enough heavy cream," He finally gathered the strength to face his mother. "It came out perfect and we never changed.” Appreciative sounds filtered around the table.

“Oh, Carm.” Donna's laugh grew until it drowned out the room's quiet chattering. Her laugh dangerously teetered towards the sound of crying. The longer it went on the more Syd questioned if she was actually laughing or crying. Donna's hair covered her face and her hands trembled as she vibrated with sarcastic joy. “You are so special!” She clasped her hands together sending an echo around the room. “So special that you missed your own brother's funeral!” Her throat churned out louder and louder gurgling laughter until she fell into a coughing fit.

"Here Mom let's drink some water." Sugar handed her the cup of water Donna refused to touch all night.

"I don't need water!" The liquid splashed Natalie's legs as it fell to the ground under Donna's hand. "Go be useful and start the dishes!" She waved her hand behind her, not bothering to spare Sugar a passing glance.

Carmy exited the table, escaping from the world he so desperately wanted to leave. Donna was none the wiser, the alcohol content in her blood had exceeded normal levels and only her words were important in this moment. Each face surrounding the table was shadowed by the light of her vigor. Her stage was set and she was not going to let the moment pass without earning a standing ovation. Sydney turned to Sugar who darted her eyes in the direction Carmy went, silently telling her to follow. Which she did.

He sat on the steps of the house face buried in his hands. Without looking up he stuttered out. "P-please just leave, you shouldn't" He shook his head looking out at the street in front of him. "I never wanted you involved with this part of my life. Now you see why."

"Carmy." She slowly squeezed next to him, gently grasping his shaking hands almost instantly stilling them. "You are not your mother." She ducked her head catching his red eyes. His lashes were wet and his face flushed. "You're you, you're one of the best chefs at the best restaurant in Chicago if you ask me."

That earned her a chuckle, which she enjoyed. Warmth radiated through her chest when he grinned at her, despite his tears.

"How do you always know what to say?" He knocked her knee with his.

"Because, Chef, you're my Executive Chef I'm supposed to know you inside and out."

That seemed to sober him up and dry his tears. He'd forgotten that they weren't where they used to be. Not at all. Still, the words she used to effectively end their ten-month relationship replayed in his mind when he'd sit alone with his thoughts for too long.

"I think we just need to set some boundaries."

"Boundaries?" He repeated incredulously, tilting his head. "What do you even mean by that Syd?"

"We can't be together and run The Bear together, it's not working."

"Syd, you sound-"

"I sound what Carmen?" She narrowed her eyes challenging him.

"Afraid." He replied honestly. "You're just afraid, but that's okay because I am too." His hands wrapped around hers, pulling her closer to him with a gentle tug. Brown and blue watched each other, their noses brushed. His lips ghosted across hers and they tingled at the feeling. She was feet away from him when he blinked again, pulled from the haze they often created when in close proximity to one another.

"I'll clean out my drawer tonight." She left out the door before he could argue. He watched her go. That was all he could do. She left him, his lover, his soulmate, the one thing he thought he'd gotten right... she left him.

"Earth to Carmy." She snapped her fingers pulling back his focus. "Dude you gotta stop staring at me like that." She teased but he saw her throat move alongside a nervous gulp.

"Sorry, I just..." He shrugged. "I'm just happy that you're in my life still after" He waved his hand. "After everything. You're the only sure thing I have."

These were the times Sydney felt her defenses were down. That all of the hard work she put in to get over him was simply a farce. A mask she wore to avoid the deep-cutting pain that their separation left her with. He just had to look at her, sick those intense eyes on her and she was suspended in his delicate grasp. He was saying so much. Professing his love, apologizing for whatever, begging her to come back. She felt it all, she read it all just from a simple gaze. She hadn't realized her eyes had fallen closed until his nose brushed up against hers, and her lungs sucked air in begging for the burning to stop. She could feel gentle bursts of air tickling her glossy lips and he'd begun to feel a hint of stickiness rubbing against his.

"Carmen!" Donna burst through the door ruining what they'd just created. The rest of the dinner table was in tow. Their faces were worried, they'd obviously been trying to talk her out of going outside. But Donna was a Berzatto and you didn't tell a Berzatto what to do. "I just came to apologize." She stumbled forward as Carmy stood to his feet to catch her. "I ruin everything." She sniffled, mascara-dyed tears trailing her face. "I'm sorry Sydney." She turned to the stunned girl, nearing her to pull her into a hug but Carmy grasped his mothers' arm pulling her back.

"Let's go to bed ma." He began leading her back inside without another word.

Syd watched them go, feeling pangs of sadness in her chest as Carmy and Richie helped her to bed.

"Claire said she was sober the last time she came to dinner." Fak's friend, Kelly, whispered her statement to Fak but Sydney heard. Sugar knew that Sydney heard because her eyes widened along with hers.

"Wait, Claire? As in Carmy's ex-whatever?" Syd questioned as her brow twitched, the warmth that spread across her face was due to something other than nervousness now.

"I feel like I said something I shouldn't 've." Kelly's eyes widened as they bounced between each of them. She awkwardly cleared her throat before slowly turning away and walking back to the dining room.

"Hold on, come back-" Sydney started to follow her but Natalie stopped her.

"A few weeks back Carmy brought Claire to dinner," She informed her before quickly adding, "He said it was innocent and they just randomly ran into each other."

She shouldn't care. She really shouldn't. They weren't together anymore and this was all fake. He had his own life and he was obviously living it. She had her own life and she had to start living it sooner or later. It's her fault for thinking highly of a man with deep-seated mommy issues anyway.

"It's fine." She pressed her lips together in a thin line. If Sugar was Carmy she'd be poking and prodding her for additional information. She'd see right through her mystique and ask what the fuck was up. But Sugar was not Carmy, she accepted Syd's answer and went back to the dining room.

The man of the hour walked back in, his face drained of energy. Richie patted his back before leaving for the living room. She wanted to be angry at him, but fuck he still held the key to her heart and he refused to return it. The fucker.

"Let'g go." He said just above a whisper and they went.

The car ride was quiet, aside from Carmy's outdated radio that played early 2000s pop through static. It wasn't until he pulled up to her house that the silence was sliced open. 

"Okay, what is it?" He shifted gears and turned to her.

"I don't know what you're talking about." She crossed her arms. He kept secrets she could keep secrets too.

"Sydney..." He huffed. "Please, just tell me, it's been a long day."

"Fak's friend said that Claire was at dinner with you and your family a few weeks ago?"

He paused pursing his lips. "Yeah, we uh ran into each other and-and she's a family friend so" He shrugged.

"Right, right" Sydney slowly nodded, her patience was running thinner by the second. "So, just a silly question!"

Carmy braced preparing himself. "What's up?"

"Why didn't you just bring her to dinner? I could've fucked off and spent my night with someone else. With Marcus or-"

"Marcus?" He cut her off. "What is it, are you two together or something? I've noticed how close you two have gotten." He challenged. "Funnily enough it was right after you left me."

"That's none of your business Carm!" She rolled her eyes, deciding to not dignify his accusation with a response. "I'm just saying, next time bother her with your odd jobs. I'm sure she's great at jobs!"

“Look nobody twisted your arm, okay?” He ignored her crude joke, voice raising only slightly. But in the tight space of his car, the smallest inflection made all the difference. He knows better than to raise his voice at her. “You willingly came."

“You might as well have twisted my arm! You put on that forlorn face. The one that makes you look like a wounded puppy-“

“Nice” He scoffs. “Really nice. Look just go, get out of my car.” He reached across her and opened the door. Her perfume clogged his nose and all he could do was think about how angry the smell made him. How she took it away and dangled it above him day in and day out. How she didn't even leave so much as a t-shirt with her lingering scent. One he could press against his face and inhale on the nights he missed her the most. He couldn't stop thinking about how someone else was enjoying her scent instead of him. How someone else got to see her more than him and listen to her ramble on and on about cooking and anything else that popped into her head. He couldn't help but feel bitter, it should be him.

“Yeah, whatever” She slams his door and rushes towards her apartment. On days like these, she wished her dad was behind the door waiting for her with his comforting smile. Ready to soothe whatever ill feelings she was experiencing. But when she unlocked her door she was met with darkness and silence. She was alone.

She’d just taken her shoes off and thrown her purse on the kitchen island when she felt a shift in energy. The air was thick and a creek sounded from the front of the apartment. He sighed heavily, it emanated from the cracks in the door. He knocks softly as if he didn’t want her to hear.

She stared at the partition, internally debating on what she should do. Perhaps if she stood as still as a statue, he’d surmise she was in the shower or didn’t hear him and leave.

“Come on Syd I know you’re there.” His thick accent made his words stick together.

“Weirdo.” She muttered sauntering to the door and swinging it open. Ugh, there goes those eyes again. 

“I heard that” He brushed past her and into the dimly lit apartment. “Look, I-“ He shakes his head, placing a closed fist over his chest. They hadn’t done it in a while. It felt way too intimate after their breakup. But drastic times called for drastic measures. He must've known how easily that'd make her turn to mush. “I’m sorry. Sorry I yelled and guilted you into coming to dinner and for being shitty in the car-“

“Woah woah woah slow down Carm” She meets him further in her home, clicking on a soft light. The golden glow created a halo above his head. “You call that yelling? I’ve endured much worse from you.”

“Unfucking believable! “ He throws his hands in defeat. “Can’t you just be quiet for like 10 seconds while I apologize? “

“Oh, this is an apology“ She points to nothing in particular. “It's great Carm, keep going!” He released a heavy sigh through his nose. Her brown eyes reflected the light and softened her hard gaze. Her deep skin glistened under the low lighting making her appear enchanted. Like something out of a Renaissance painting.

“God, you’re insufferable and stubborn." How could someone so breathtaking get under his skin like this?

She ignored the clarifying beauty he naturally possessed, nothing was going to distract her from what she needed to say. “You’re neurotic and have anger issues! Maybe take a therapist to dinner next time.“

“I wish I never fucking hired you!” He yells.

“I regret ever walking into that shithole!” She fires back.

He breathes taking in the gravity of her words. “So, that’s really how you feel?”

She ignores his inquiry because no she doesn’t feel that way. She counts the day she walked into The Beef as one of the best things that ever happened to her. But he didn’t need to know that. “Look I was waiting for the right time to tell you but," She takes a deep breath, preparing herself. "I’m leaving.”

“What? The Bear?” He felt like he’d just been gut-punched “I don't understand. You can’t leave?”

“I’m leaving, Carmen.” She stands her ground, on trembling legs, but she still stood her ground.

He blinked a few times feeling tremors of anxiety climbing his arms. “W-when?”

“Next month.” Her voice cracked. "I was offered a great position in LA and I'm staging there soon. Look, I've been scouting CDC's and I found a reliable one. He's hard-working and... Carm?"

He hadn't realized he was shaking until she gently touched his forearm. He jumped away as if her touch burned him. Their uneven breathing filled the room with sound. The distant sounds of cicadas screamed outside and the air conditioning clicked on before she decided to continue speaking. “Carm say something?”

“You can’t leave.” He repeats which made Sydney rolls her eyes. 

“I thought once upon a time that I’d never leave. That you… that we’d have The Bear as our baby forever but,” She blinks back tears, she’d die before he’d get to see her cry. “Things change and people change. Plus you just said you wish you never hired me."

“So this is it?” He mutters giving her those pleading eyes again. “That’s just it for us?”

“Yeah,” She slowly nods, brushing her hand over his. No matter what went on between them they seemed to have a force between them. Pulling them closer and closer without either realizing it. "This is it, I'll be out of your hair in a month.

“This can’t be it, Chef,” He says mere inches from her face. His eyes trail to her lips that sat waiting for him. “Look, I-I need you.” She could only gulp feeling the intensity of the situation set in. After their breakup things were sore for a while but they had lives to live. They never had a chance to double back, to have one last hoorah before lights out. "Sydney. I thank god every day that you walked into The Beef and accepted that position. I don't want you out of my hair."

“You don’t need me-“

“I do need you.”

"The Bear was always yours."

"It's ours. I can't imagine sharing it- this, with anybody else. Sydney." He slightly shook his head. "Don't do this, baby."

Maybe it’d undo all of the work they put into trying to hate each other. Trying to forget about the other's touch or the feeling of their lips on each other. But they could no longer deny what they wanted to do so badly. His hands still felt right around her, pulling her closer. His lips still fit perfectly against hers. She still loved to jump up into his muscular arms and wrap her legs around him. He preened at the feeling of her back in his arms like this, kissing him like nothing ever happened. She sunk into the soft foam of her bed as he laid her back and proceeded to climb over her. His mouth hovered over hers, hesitantly he opened his eyes in an effort to read her. The girl who stole his heart (and one day his last name) was still so hard to read. But at this moment she was open her eyes were honest. She wanted him as much as he wanted her. Carnally. His yearning was near animalistic at this point. Not being able to kiss her and taste her for seven and a half weeks was making him go crazy, but here she was. His fix, waiting for him to make the next move.

"Syd, I...I don't want this to be just sex." He confessed. "I want you back. I'll do anything, I'll change anything. Just please, don't leave me." Her brown eyes flashed with something he couldn't put his finger on but her smile made his heart flutter. Her hand was soft as it gently ran over his ear and neck, despite the burns and cuts she endured over the years. He recalled her once saying shea butter kept her hands soft. She always smelled of it and this time was no different.

"Let's just enjoy this, yeah?" She leaned up kissing him as her arms pulled him against her body. His mind yelled at him to stop talking and enjoy the moment, but how could he if she was just going to walk right out of his life after?

They touched and kissed and rubbed against each other until Syd found herself on top of him. Her heat pressed against the stiffness that pressed against his jeans. Her sounds were intoxicating when his hands gripped her hips and controlled the speed of her gyrations. Over and over again she ground against him chasing sweet pleasure. He could stay like this forever. They both knew that. He never came in his boxers until she walked into his life and sat in his lap. She pulled away, desire in her eyes as she worked to open his jeans.

"Boles de Picolat." She says as her warm hand wrapped around him and began moving up and down.

"Fuck" He groaned. "Are you seriously thinking about the menu, now?" He panted already seeing spots. He hadn't had sex or even masturbated after their breakup, so he was embarrassingly close to coming from less than ten strokes of her hand.

She slinked down his body and made him curse god as her warm mouth sucked him in. His eyes rolled when his leaking tip pressed against the back of her throat. Her velvety smooth mouth swallowed him down as her throat gagged from the spurts of come dripping out of him. "Sorrysorrysorry" He wasn't sorry. His hips twitched as she continued worshiping him, he was still hard and ready to feel her all over.

"I didn't want to forget." She giggled innocently, his dick still twitching in her hand which made Carmy feel all types of hot. He gently grabbed her hand and pulled her back to him so he could kiss her. He tasted the saltiness of his release lingering on her tongue, but he didn't mind. "Also don't apologize. The point is to come." She yelped when he rolled them over. His shirt was the first to go followed by her cardigan. Her dress came off as he leaned back down to kiss that adorable smile off of her face.

"How many?" He questioned as he kissed down her body. He could smell her arousal mixing with the mango and vanilla of her perfume. He kissed her clothed valley, feeling just how turned on she was through the lacey fabric.

"How many what?" She questioned.

"How many times do you think I can make you come?" He used his finger to push her panties aside so he can finally taste her. He moaned like a little bitch when her tangy cream melted on his tongue.

She whimpered, trying her hardest to keep her legs open but it was becoming harder with each pass of his tongue. Her thighs were pressing against his ears, vibrating in no time.

Like the ocean kissing the shore, he rolled his tongue over her swollen bud relishing in the high pitch sounds mewling from her mouth. He loved her like this. She walked around The Bear like she was the toughest thing out of Chicago. Never taking time to relax and rest. But Carmy knew just how to sedate her. He knew how to turn her brain to mush so she had no choice but to relax under him. He hadn't realized he'd forgotten to remove his rings until his fingers were knuckles deep inside of her, but by the volume of her moans, she didn't mind. She constricted his fingers as he pressed over and over against that sweet spot within her. He pulled back to observe at her pulsating entrance mesmerized at the beauty of her body. God why the fuck was he jealous of his own fingers. Her hips jerked and her cunt pulsated rapidly as her first orgasm washed over her.

She didn't have time to fully recover. When she blinked he was lining himself up at her entrance, his red, leaking tip rubbing her over throbbing clit.

"Carmy,-" She began, tone unreadable. As it usually was. She was always so worried. He cut her off by shoving his fingers soiled with her pleasure into her mouth. She deserved to experience how good she tasted.

"Sh, just enjoy it." He slowly pressed into her loving the dazed look that overtook her face. She nodded obeying his command as he began gaining pace. He removed his fingers when she moaned filthily head thrown back in ecstasy.

"Fuckfuckfuck" She breathed already feeling another orgasm climbing her body. His pace accelerated pulling her leg a bit higher on his hip so he could fuck her through her second orgasm.

"That's it" He encouraged against the shell of her ear. "Let go, love." His groan matched hers as she squeezed him, writhing through another orgasm. Her moans were growing louder and louder as he continued fucking into her at the same pace. Her thighs were touching her belly now as his hands held her legs up. A simple glance down at his hands commanding her body made her sensitive rose throb with pleasure. "Again, already?" He couldn't help but chuckle.

"Fuck you-" Her words were cut off when he adjusted his angle and found some hidden button that made her words slur into unintelligible stuttering. He grinned watching her let go again, this time pushing him closer to the edge.

"You're so beautiful" He panted feeling his orgasm creep up his body. "You're my beautiful- fuck- my beautiful girl, all mine." He let an embarrassing noise echo through the room as he released long white stripes inside of her. She met his thrusts wanting to draw his orgasm out as long as possible. His throat was raw as he gulped down air trying to regain his composure but tremors of his release were still running through his body like an electrical current.

Later that evening they lay beside one another in her bed. She rested against his chest and he inhaled the sweet smell of her hair feeling his heart burst. Then something hit him.

"Earlier you started saying something but I stopped you," He could hear the tiredness in his voice. "What were you going to say?"

She hummed drawing a circle on his chest with her finger. He kissed her forehead. Since he'd gotten her back in his arms he couldn't stop adorning her face with kisses. "That I uh...I was just gonna say, I love you."

He figured. It still freaked him out how well they knew each other. "I love you too."

[skydigiblogs]

i'm just gonna go ahead and paste what i sent to a friend about my thoughts for chapter 3 and the bit of 4 i got to today

this is extremely long, and still primarily a lot of criticism since while i enjoyed chapter 3 more than the first two chapters, it failed to address a lot of my core concerns with the writing of chapters 1 and 2.

for people who missed my chapter 2 thoughts, Sad White Boy is Leon

i typed most of this on my phone without being able to reference the spellings of any of the names i was hearing so it isn't until the end that i'm able to double check the name of Shuu/Xu Yulin. any time i am referring to Professor Suspicious Eccentric, it's Professer Ryusenji. agufridge is Saya.

you can also see kind of where i got to certain plot points between breaks lol.

[Okay chapter 3 is going along way more smoothly to us but also we officially have a never before seen phrase because the best way I can put it is that all three main factions have the same Agumon-fridged wife/daughter/friend fueling their obsession with the digital world]

[All of the world building so far has also been exclusively around the tragedy that set in motion all three factions going about their way and it's more clearly establishing a theme of, like, the ways paths diverge in life. First there was Eiji and Sad White Boy, now Professor Suspicious Eccentric, his would be son in law Tartarus (who I know is going to pull some villain shit after glancing at the wiki for something yesterday), and Cop Lady (who, while being a cop, I do actually like the characterization she's been given. Shame about the being a digicop though.).

Tartarus's fiance went DMIA while mind linked to what I'm guessing is the BlackAgumom SOC has a stupid high bounty on, hence me saying there's an Agumon shaped fridge

At least I don't have to deal with Sad White Boy

Who is in a Kazuchimon shaped fridge I should specify but like. It doesn't feel like fridging when you give a whole quarter of you narrative to establishing a character as opposed to like. An hour on Agufridge.]

[At least I have something other than Eiji to look forward to in this novel lmfao

But also man. They really are leaning heavy into Eiji having a huge amount of regret for what happened to Sad White Boy and like. I think we're meant to see it in parallel to Agufridge, but she was established to be RECENTLY AND PROLONGEDLY CLOSE with all involved parties affected by her fridging.

And I just don't buy it even if SWB saved Eiji's life from drowning in a river when they were kids.]

[i also realized a succinct way of putting why he feels so gross to me is that his whole plotline really edges into "white savior complex" territory, if that makes sense?

fully convinced seekers is just flat out better without SWB

because like it has its problems but damn if SWB isn't just a walking sandwich of them all in a single succinct package]

one real world "i got home from work" later

[Okay so this observation I made about almost all of the Digipol forces being members of the D-Brigade (most are literally just commandramon) made me a little bit frustrated with an element I see as missed potential in seekers that I doubt will be capitalized on. The only members of DigiPol with fully realized characters are Satsuki (Numemon's partner) and Shuu Yulin (Ryudamon's partner, Cop Lady), who are both high ranking officers, and were this not really struggling to decide whether it wants to condemn or fuck the police, I think it would've been a missed opportunity not to at least show the experiences of one of the lower ranking officers. Shuu, while being the head of the DPol, was formerly a hacker/code cracker before going on to do white hat hacking with the police and rising to her position.

But like, something Satsuki's said during the first hour or so of chapter 4 made me wonder something because there are members of the DPol that Mind Link. At least two of them with Commandramons, which puts them in the body of their Digimon. Satsuki calls what they're doing in Chapter 4 a "war"--- they're fighting against SoC and Wall Slum (local) Digimon alike because the SoC is trying to break open the gate into the Actual Digital World (basically everything humans have seen is the outside of an eggshell). I don't think Seekers is self-aware enough to realize that this act of the DigiPol imposing their forces on the Wall Slum is akin to digital imperialism, so I really doubt it would have tried to interrogate that at all.

The thing I was thinking about that might have been interesting (but absolutely could not be trusted to Seekers) is that like… all of the DPol Digimon are Commandramon, whereas the brass have Special Partner Digimon. I would have loved some interrogation into the way that being a cop (or military in general) seeks to depersonalize someone, stripping them of their individuality in order to make them more a tool than person. Commandramon could have been a very useful way to tell that story, especially since anyone MLed to a Digimon always has to wear their Digimon Linker. That means they are always burdened with the reminder of their function in the force. MLed partners are also the only ones to experience the Wall Slum with the five human senses. What does it do to someone to see through the eyes of just one of hundreds of Commandramon, all literally looking the same to an untrained human eye? You're literally nothing but the tool you embody at that point, only so useful as you can wield your Digimon like one. MLed Digimon are also the only ones that can talk to humans. Do you think the Commandramon who aren't MLed wish they could talk to their partners, express anything beyond following the commands the code running on them like dog training tells them to enact?

What is individuality to a Digimon who is a soldier? What is individuality to a soldier who is only as good as their Digimon, one of a thousand like it raised only for warfare?

It just bugs me so much thatt we don't even get an inkling of individuality from the Commandramon, which really heightens the militaristic feel of the D-Pol to no positive favors.

And since I can'tt tell if Seekers wants me to like the DPol or not, it's hard to judge whether that is a failure or intended attribute of the writing]

[i really hope i have more things that i can say i actually like about seekers but man oh man the bad is so hard to get through

like, for example, i really find the structure of the digital world interesting in this series! and mind linking is an interesting way to get characters involved in the digital world without having the barrier breached (while also introducing stakes). even if i am a little sad that the humans get stuck as fancy holograms in the digital world.

the digital world in seekers, like i said before, is basically an egg, with the network of the human world floating high above it

data falls from the human world onto the egg's surface, but the barrier is functionally closed off

digimon that have been in contactt with human world data are forced to live on the outside of the digital world, unable to return to the Actual digital world

this is the Wall Slum

and like, on occasion little pockets of open data storms, breaches in the eggshell will appear--- they're called vortexes

we don't find out what's in them until when sad white boy martyrs himself but like, anynthing that enters them gets presumed deleted

SWB's death is how we find out that it's because a royal knight will pop up to erase anything trying to breach the vortex

(they also keep describing the RKs as their relationship to "yggdrasil" so like. god help me i'm holding my breath and praying i don't have to go into that.)

they haven't talked at all and seem to be regarded as "angels of death" to those on the shell of the digital world

bringing it back around to how it's introduced, though, i think about that self-oblivious introduction to the digital world and digipol where humans (possibly the implication was supposed to be just code crackers but idk) through their interaction with the digital world, have brought impurities to the digital world. they even repeated during chapter 3, in the extended flashback to project tartarus and the first DMIA candidate (miss agufridge), the comparison to "15th century seafaring explorers" or something which. hm. are you self aware enough to really be pulling that comparison twice? i don't think you are.

so like, even when i'm enjoying the shit in seekers it inevitably ends up ruined by the story's own lack of coherent nuance (or functional attempt at it)]

[paleontaxi]

▸   @sncwfall   ⟶   ❛   𝐁𝐀𝐃 , 𝐁𝐀𝐃 , 𝑺𝑶 𝑺𝑶 𝑩𝑨𝑫 ! the naughty list wasn't good enough to place the mans name , santa br͟i͟e͟f͟l͟y considered making a 𝐂𝐑𝐈𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐀𝐋 𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 just to truly start pulling apart the 𝒅𝒊𝒇𝒇𝒆𝒓𝒆𝒏𝒕 𝒘𝒂𝒚𝒔 naughtiness manifests . HE ISN'T HERE AS SANTA , THOUGH . he's here as 𝒔𝒄𝒐𝒕𝒕 𝒄𝒂𝒍𝒗𝒊𝒏 - a man who 𝘀𝘁𝘂𝗺𝗯𝗹𝗲𝗱 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗵𝗮𝘁 , a man who above all else is a father himself . he cannot comprehend the loss of his own child , never mind in such a 𝑉𝐼𝑂𝐿𝐸𝑁𝑇 𝑊𝐴𝑌 . 𝑺𝑪𝑶𝑻𝑻 places down a small box - dinos of all types littering the wrapping paper in little hats ; inside lies a 𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐆𝐎𝐒𝐀𝐔𝐑𝐔𝐒 𝐒𝐍𝐎𝐖𝐆𝐋𝐎𝐁𝐄 , a backdrop of forest &. the little dino looking up to the left . scott felt forced to place a note inside , he does not condone ; however , he cannot deny the violence of a grieving father , he will not pretend to not understand , he will not pretend to be a sane man should any harm happen to charlie . ' 𝒊'𝒎 𝒔𝒐𝒓𝒓𝒚 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒉𝒂𝒔 𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒆𝒏𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒚𝒐𝒖 , 𝒋𝒂𝒓𝒐𝒅 . may you find what you're looking for &. remember , you are worthy of happinesss &. healing - 𝓢 . '   ❜

What the everloving hell was this?  Some kind of trick?  Jarod had no one alive who would willingly give him Christmas presents.  His first thought was that it was a Brigade seeking revenge for one of their fallen friends—they were fans of explosives.

Still, there was something about the dinosaurs on the wrapping that softened and disarmed him, and he stooped to remove it gingerly from his front step.  He carried it to the kitchen table and sat staring at it for several long minutes in the lonely orange light, a staple of a happy home, which had long lost its warming effect on him.  Then, he began picking at the corners of the wrapping a little at a time while his head screamed that it was a bomb and his heart whispered that it was something else.

Something good.

He peered into the box with a torrent of mixed feelings, and he caught a glint of glass.  He removed the globe and held it in front of his face, his heart’s suspicions confirmed.

Something good.

He shook the globe around, then followed the flakes as they settled over the back and nose of the dinosaur inside.

Who the fuck would have sent this?  He looked back in the box and rooted around in it until he secured what he was looking for, a note.  You are worthy of happiness, signed ‘S.’  Jarod would have thought it was a mistake if the note wasn’t addressed to him by name.

S… it couldn’t be him, and it was stupid to think so.  Jarod had stayed up late to play him for Lola, what felt like a lifetime ago now.  All the same, the mere thought made him sit back in his chair and smile to himself.

He could think of the perfect spot for the globe, and he got up and walked to that room.  It had not changed a bit from when she left it ten years ago, as if it was still waiting for her to come back.  Jarod stepped to the tall, white bookshelf in the corner by the window and set the globe up against a withered paperback novel.  It was the first new thing to be stationed in the room in a decade.

Jarod’s heart swelled, and his eyes brimmed with tears, cool and refreshing for once, not the hot, exhausting ones of wrath and grief.  He touched his index fingertip against the snowglobe’s smooth surface.  “We’re gonna have a good Christmas, Lola,” he said softly to the dinosaur inside of it.  “This year—I swear it.”

[rennisaturate]

when coming up with a name for their band, jet, chris david and kumara were sitting around in david and mikaela’s back yard ( it took mikaela some convincing to be part of the group at first. 14yo her thought it was suuuuuuuper cliché and corny at the time ) this group of weirdo, dorky 12 year olds were throwing around all kinds of stupid shit. the list includes

dicks mcgee

koala lemon party

paper hats

june bananas

kyle’s mom

hey lois (diarrhea)

unicorn sharts ( note: can u guess the time period?? lmaoo )

mustache brigade

pull the lever kronk

mocha lips

slow and calm ( david, with a hint of desperation: …pls just laugh )

and a bunch more at varying degrees of batshit and way too serious. chris still has the notebook they wrote a lot of them down in. he was gunning for “running reckless”. needless to say my at the time pretentious white boy music snob child was very proud of himself for that one.

after they ocilated between all the stupid ones for shits and giggles for a few months, they stuck with Running Reckless for a year. though jet and kumara both thought they needed smth “cooler” ( whatever the fuck that means. all this shit was running off vibes until they all graduated high school ) and so they had another brainstorming session, this time with mikaela since she was officially In The Band by then.

she said The Mainstream Saints for no particular reason, it didn’t really mean anything. still doesn’t. but for some reason, maybe the air in the chris’s parents’ garage, the stars lined up just right, possibly the blunt they’d been passing around, but it stuck.

[probablybadrpgideas]

Tourist Destinations Of The Inner Planes!

Earth: Mostly known for its thriving music circuit! Leading genres include jazz, electro and folkpunk. If you ask where the rock and roll bands are the elementals will beat you to death on the spot.

Air: This is the skydiving location where 1 in 5 people never make it to the ground. That's where the meme comes from.

Fire: Actually their main attraction is their fire brigade. Arrange your trips to join in with the weekly parade where everyone goes to laugh at them and their stupid fireman hats.

Water: Home of the Great Wheel's moistest fish and chips.

Positive: If you aim to Live Laugh Love and don't aim to fuck around, have I got a very empty hotel for you! Trip to find yourself final boss arena.

Negative: The actual Count Dracula lives here and gives tours of his castle! He's in the dark and spooky part, if you hit the spooky and dark part you've gone too far.

Magma: Beautiful vistas that will make you die in 300 different ways all at once. Also fine dining that will also make you die in 300 different ways at once. There's a museum too but guess what that does?

Ooze: multiple fancy delicatessen with 10,000 flavors of ice-cream and cake. Do not ask what the flavors are.

Ice: Skiing and freezing to death in a hole. Ask for the former if you want to come off a tourist but seasoned travelers know about the latter.

Smoke: Tourist life hack- ask for a non-smoking seat to get a better view! Lots of people don't know this.

Radiance: Stunning views but directly into your eyes at point blank range.

Minerals: "Oh, you brought me a gemstone as a souvenir from your vacation? How nice! Now let me banish you to the fucking shadow realm."

Lightning: Has multiple golf courses for people who aren't cowards.

Steam: You'd expect a lot of Spas but actually it's primarily museums on french history for some reason.

Salt: Sells the Great Wheel's least moist fish and chips.

Dust: Notable places to go in the plane of dust include the big pile of dust, the really big pile of dust and Nevada.

Ash: World's largest collection of sad people in search of poetry inspiration.

Vacuum: Well there's some nice water parks and a thriving it's the elemental plane of fucking nothing, what do you expect to be here?!

Tourist Destinations Of The Outer Planes

Mechanus: How dare you suggest there would be anything novel or unique in Mechanus?! To cog jail with you!

Arcadia: Like those normal towns with "world best fish and chips" except they're scrupulously fact checked. "Home of Arcadia's 3826th best B&B according to multiple double-blind studies (citations available on request)"

Mount Celestia: Pure and ineffable spiritual bliss in the face of the divine and, after that, a pretty decent pizza shop where you can get a t-shirt with your face when you learnt the true name of God.

Bytopia: Bytopia is the embodiment of the concept of "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" and also the domain of the gnome deities, so if you've ever wanted to see the Great Wheel's only 24/7 prank youtuber live show where all the pranks revolve around how millennials need to spend less on avocado toast, you're in luck! If not, may I recommend the abyssal layer where snakes drink your eyes as a pleasant reprieve?

Elysium: Just a rabbit sat on a rock but because you're in Elysuim it's the best thing you've ever seen. You autodelete all memories of your wedding and children's birth and suchlike for being shit in comparison.

The Beastlands: Who's the best dog in the world? Who is it? This isn't a rhetorical question, there's an objective answer. You can see him for the low price of four acorns and a fancy rock.

Arborea: Don't be fooled by the signs! The natives of Arborea spend their time playing and dancing so they have things like open plan offices and tax return help-desks as vacation spots. Instead ask where the boring parts of Arborea are to be given directions to the firework waterslide music concert video game dance party.

Ysgard: Monuments to epic deeds literally everywhere. So many monuments they start sounding sarcastic. If you successfully get to your hotel room they erect a 15ft statue commemorating it.

Limbo: "Look, you had to be there. Literally, what I saw existed beyond the capacity of human words to describe and I weep tadpoles when I try to recall it in any detail"

Pandemonium: Great acoustic guitar scene. Well, we assume they're good. If nothing else, you have to admire their perseverance.

The Abyss: Go on Demogorgan's tour of all infinity layers! The most fucked up shit you've ever seen or your spinal column back guaranteed!

Carceri: Be in the audience at History's Greatest Monster, where the most evil people in history compete for the crown! If you're lucky, you might get an autograph before they're hurled back into their eternal prisons once more!

Hades: Fuck you.

Gehenna: Tourist traps, in the sense of big holes you fall in and have to give a deamon all your money before it will let you out.

The Nine Hells: The Nine Hells are a wonderful place to visit, with a wide varieties of eateries, vistas and attractions that you should visit before you die! I am not writing this under duress and you should not send help to

Acheron: One extremely dangerous theme park. It's cheap and there are few queues but be aware that sometimes the god of orcs will show up and use whatever ride you're on as a bludgeoning weapon. Overall nice atmosphere, 4 stars.

The Outlands: Alas, I'm pretty sure there's absolutely nowhere worth visiting in the outlands. Sorry guys.

[tokidokifish]

so i saw this personality chart by @dalishious on my dash and you know [at full volume] i’m aLWAYS A SLUT FOR QUANTIFYING MY CHARACTERS

notes: 

casrien “i hate everything except for these six people and i WILL kill you if you harm them” surana

miren’s relationship chart was hard bc BROS BROS BROS, i love everyone in this bar, etc (it’s also understandable that she would have higher relationships with her friends bc she knows them for actual years)

except for sebastian bc i don’t even think he’s canon for her lmao

shout out to cullen for beating out even solas for that coveted “only asshole with a completely empty bar” slot 

the circle tower being annulled is canon in nehn’s game :) she fucking hates him :))

also i know you can’t actually romance cole but nehn did

[shirtandties]

One last push for victory sees Putin unlease his 7th mounted harem brigade

[pointless-letters]

One of my favourite genres of pointless letter is the classic "imagine something stupid, that never happened and never will, but get angry about it anyway".

[absolutepokemontrash]

The undatables as uncles need more love, so... What if L!MC and the rest of the children just go to the castle or purgatory Hall for a few days because the Bros got tired or just need a day of rest. Idk this makes no sense

Yes, more uncle shennaniganery!

A Day at the Demon Lord’s Castle

Masterlist

It was Demon-Flu season, and no demon in the House of Lamentation was spared from its sniffly wrath. It started with Belphegor waking up and sneezing right next to Beel, and it was all downhill from there.

Notice how I said “demon”, the dear little Half-Demons were all fine thanks to the efforts of M!MC who for some reason had bought a bunch of plague doctor masks the week prior.

“Why... why did you buy these?” L!MC asked, their voice muffled by the badly fitting mask.

“I saw em’ in a store window and I decided I wanted them.”

Three out of four of the Brat Brigade (plus the cat) were on their way to the Demon Lord’s castle to stay until the house’s little epidemic passed. Lord Diavolo had oh so graciously asked (begged) to be allowed to host the kids for a while.

What could go wrong?

Many things could go wrong.

For one, the first thing A!MC saw when they first arrived, was a rat. Not one of the gross scary ones, but one of the absolutely adorable ones that turns you into the ‘gently holds’ meme.

“I’m going to call you Templeton!” “*squeak*” “Yay!”

Barbatos of course came to greet the guests, and explained that they have a little... issue with rats at that moment. Butler-dad assured them it wouldn’t be a problem, just if the children saw any of the vermin running around to tell him and he’d dispose of them.

Templeton the rat was promptly hidden in one of A!MC’s pockets.

The Purgatory Hall crew was there as well, apparently Solomon decided to make brunch and Purgatory Hall’s kitchen exploded.

Lord Diavolo finally makes his entrance and declares that everyone should unpack and relax, his gorgeous/terrifying castle was their gorgeous/terrifying castle.

“So,” L!MC rested their head on their hand and rotated the knight in their free hand as they stared half vacantly at the chess board. “Did you take care of the snake in the labyrinth, Dia?”

Diavolo lit up when he heard his seldom used nickname. “Well, Henry 1.0 isn’t exactly bothering anyone down there at the moment, and I don’t think Levi is equipped to deal with a fifty foot long untamed snake.”

L!MC smirked and placed their knight down. “Yeah, at least not right now.”

The moment L!MC removed their hand from the knight, Diavolo moved his bishop and took their queen. Shit.

“Aw man...” L!MC mumbled, after a cursory look at the board, the poor thing realized that they had been screwed for the last five turns and Diavolo was just prolonging the match.

“Don’t feel too bad, L!MC.” Diavolo gave them a pat on the head. “Lucifer can’t beat me in chess either.”

“Hmph.” They wouldn’t admit it but... that did make them feel a little better.

“That reminds me, I have a favour to ask of you.” L!MC almost outwardly drooped at the mention of... ugh... a task. “Do you mind reviewing some dad-jokes with me to make sure they are suitably dad-like?”

“...what?” Quickly remembering they were in the presence of honest to God (poor choice of words... uh... Grandfather?) royalty, L!MC straightened their posture and tried their best to look respectfully curious instead of completely and utterly confused. “Pardon?”

“M!MC and several others have said I have ‘dad vibes’, so I’m leaning into it!” Diavolo smiled so brightly if L!MC hadn’t been the child of the Morning Star they may have been blinded. “My father wasn’t one for jokes, so I’d like to run these by you before I say them to others.”

Suppressing a snort of laughter, L!MC nodded. “Go for it, I’m all ears.”

Diavolo pulled out quite the long list and began to read out loud... L!MC quickly realized that this may take longer than expected. “Okay, to begin: I’m afraid for the calendar, it’s days are numbered.”

“Oh not-that-good-Lord...” L!MC muttered under their breath.

The dad jokes continued, some were funny, some were absolutely awful, some sounded like they were made for children in the Victorian era... overall, it was a good- holy shit that took over two hours...

“Finally,” Diavolo squinted at the last joke. “I went to the liquor store and they asked for my ID, while I fumbled for my wallet, my Blockbuster card fell out, the cashier said ‘nevermind’.”

L!MC furrowed their brows. “What’s a Blockbuster?”

“That was what I was hoping you’d explain to me... is it a dad requirement to get a card for that establishment..?”

“Mmmm...” L!MC pursed their lips. “Probably not. I mean, Lucifer doesn’t have one.”

“That’s true...” Diavolo looked at the clock, then stood up and began to shoo L!MC out the door. “Look at me, taking up all your time that you should be spending with your friends. Thank you for your help, L!MC, now don’t let me keep you any longer!”

Giggling slightly, L!MC shot a wave over their shoulder as they left the room. “Bye dad! See you later!”

They were half way down the hallway when they realized their verbal slip-up.

“Oh.” L!MC’s face burned with embarrassment. “Shit.”

Dad-volo was totally delighted and very cool about it, don’t worry.

M!MC and Bean the cat were hanging out with the angels in the very pretty royal gardens when that mess was going down.

Luke was being absolutely adorable and was snuggling Bean while he and Simeon looked at the pretty plants.

In traditional M!MC fashion, they were engaging in an average game of ‘lightly tease the chihuahua’.

“It’s just... you’re so small.” M!MC took the opportunity to rest their arm on Luke’s head as he stopped to observe a colour changing flower bush. “How many years have you been this height? 100? 200?”

M!MC had taken the news that Luke was older than them in stride, finding new opportunities to make the little angel do his adorable angy face. They were obviously succeeding in their jerkwad-endeavours as Luke pushed their arm off and fixed his now smushed hat.

“You be quiet! I’m perfectly average height for an angel my age.” Luke huffed, petting the cat, who hissed at M!MC. The stupid cat absolutely hated them for some reason, it brought L!MC never ending joy to bring the cat into their shared room and watch it hiss and swipe at them. L!MC should really show some more respect for their older cousin!

“Are angels normally the size of a fifth grader?” M!MC snickered. “Is Simeon considered a freak for his height?”

“No, M!MC, I am not.” Simeon chuckled. “Rest assured, Luke will grow.”

“Yeah! And I’m sure I’ll be taller than you!” Luke added.

M!MC smirked deviously and pinched Luke’s cheek. “Well, I’ll have to take advantage of your smallness and baby face while I still can!”

“Hey! Stop that!” Luke tried to swat their hands away, but M!MC had inherited their father’s reflexes and his penchant for being a little shit every once and a while, so Luke’s swatting only resulted in more pinches.

“Never!” M!MC teased. “Surrender to your smallness!”

“No!”

Luke took off deeper into the garden, surprisingly quickly considering he was holding a cat that was hellbent on clawing M!MC’s eyes out. M!MC laughed and gave chase.

“Luuuuuuuke! Come back! I promise I’ll be nice!” M!MC lied right through their teeth like the little heathen they were, as they ran down the path they noticed that they couldn’t see Luke up ahead anymore, nor could they hear him yelling for Simeon to make them quit their teasing.

“Heheh...” M!MC wheezed as they stopped to catch their breath. “Luke c’mon, don’t be a baby. It’s real immature to hide like that!”

There was no response, which made M!MC just a little nervous, just a smidge. The plants had changed from pretty flowers and gorgeous trees to a much darker clump of vines and twisting branches. It all seemed to be the same plant, M!MC noted as they scanned the area for any sign of Luke and the cat, or Simeon for that matter.

“Luke? Bean? Come on! Haul your asses over here, this isn’t funny any-” M!MC paused and looked down as something coiled around their left leg. “-more?”

The vine tightened and yanked them backwards, M!MC fell right to the ground and clawed at the path to stop them getting pulled into the brush. Another vine wrapped around their right leg, any resistance that digging their nails into the ground was nullified as both vines yanked M!MC into the bushes.

Well, this was a nightmare of epic proportions. The vines continued to wrap around the helpless half demon until they were completely unable to move. As M!MC looked around frantically, they made eye contact with an all too familiar pair of blue eyes. Ah! There was Luke!

“Mmmph!” Only Luke’s eyes were visible, but the eyes are the gateway to the soul or whatever, and M!MC took an educated guess and decided that Luke’s soul wasn’t too happy with them.

“Mmth! Mmth!” M!MC tried to speak, but their mouth was covered by the vines. The two would have to communicate with their eyes only.

‘This is your fault!’

‘How the fuck is this MY fault?’

‘If you hadn’t teased me this never would have happened!’

‘Grow thicker skin, you chihuahua!’

‘Fuck you!’

Listen, Luke probably wasn’t capable of trying to communicate a swear word, but it was incredibly funny for M!MC to think about.

“M!MC? Luke?” Simeon stepped into their limited field of vision. “Where are you two? This plant is carnivorous.”

Oh... lovely. That was good to know.

“Mmemph!”

“MFTH!” Luke and M!MC tried to call out to Simeon, only for the vines to wrap around them even tighter. Wow, what a way to go... strangled by a plant... ugh. L!MC would never let them live that down...

“Hm,” Simeon looked down at the vine that was coiling around his leg. “What a bother.”

Quick as lightning, Simeon grabbed the vine and sent a burst of shining gold magic shooting through it. The magic quickly spread to the rest of the plant and the moment the magic slammed into M!MC they nearly passed out from the searing pain that shot through their entire body.

They clamped their eyes shut and clenched their teeth to stop them from rattling as they felt the massive wave of Celestial magic wash over them. It was weirdly warm, like a hug from a friend, but it wasn’t a pleasant sensation, at least not to M!MC.

The plant let out an otherworldly scream as it threw Luke, Bean, and M!MC back onto the path at Simeon’s feet.

Luke picked Bean back up and dusted off his clothes like he didn’t have a care in the world. M!MC lay on the ground, if you listened closely you could hear them sizzle a bit. Nothing like being nearly strangled by a plant and then roasted by holy ‘fuck you’ magic.

“I’m glad you’re both okay,” Simeon pulled Luke into a hug and helped M!MC off the ground. “Did I ah... use to much magic?”

M!MC half-scowled at their saviour and wiped down their outfit. “Yeah. A little too much.”

“My bad,” Simeon ruffled M!MC’s hair. “I hope this serves as a learning experience for you two, Luke, don’t run off like that, and M!MC,”

The half demon nearly jumped in fear and surprise as Simeon swivelled to look at them. The smile on his face was far from comforting. “Don’t tease poor Luke too much, okay?”

“Uh... uh huh.” M!MC quickly nodded.

“Good! Now let’s head back, I think we’ve all had enough of the Royal Gardens.”

As the group returned, they passed a very red in the face L!MC and wondered what exactly went down in the time they were gone.

It’s common knowledge that Barbatos hates rats, it’s also common knowledge that A!MC is the embodiment of a ray of sunshine.

What does this lead to, you may be asking, well...

A!MC and their dear rat Templeton needed to hide from the politely homicidal Barbatos.

“Sh!” A!MC whispered into their pocket, the rat responded with an indignant squeak.

The Demon Lord’s Castle was absolutely massive, and trying to navigate it without a map was akin to wandering around an ancient pyramid filled with death traps. A!MC and their dear companion were wandering the place without a map and trying to hide from a butler that had the power to see into the future. The two fugitives were at a clear disadvantage.

A!MC had managed to stumble into an area that had paintings and statues completely everywhere, it was then they realized they were completely lost.

While quietly perusing the room, A!MC took notice of quite the lovely portrait of a woman. She had long flowing locks of golden hair and the most gorgeous captivating eyes... A!MC nearly shrieked when the woman’s eyes snapped to their’s and her face contorted into a scowl.

“Do I know you?” The woman asked, A!MC gulped and shook their head.

“N-no ma’am, I don’t think we’ve met...” A!MC mumbled before sticking out their hand for a handshake. The painting woman stared down at their outstretched hand, very unimpressed. “I’m A!MC, it’s nice to meet you.”

The half demon offered their cutest smile, their dad had lovingly taken the time to coach them in the art of being so darn tootin’ adorable that everyone would fall over themselves to get A!MC to like them. The moment the woman registered the smile, her scowl returned for a brief moment, then vanished entirely.

“Oh,” The woman smiled sweetly. “I do think I know you, do you mind coming a bit closer so I can see you better?”

Suffering from a complete inability to detect red flags, A!MC happily moved closer.

“Ah, just as I suspected. You look like Asmodeus.”

“You know my dad?” A!MC asked.

“Yes,” The woman’s eyes narrowed. “I know him quite well.”

A!MC was suddenly knocked off balance as a massive gust of wind shoved them closer to the painting. They frantically clawed at the stone ground as Templeton squeaked and squirmed in their pocket.

“Your father is the reason I’m stuck in this painting,” The woman explained coldly as A!MC tried to scramble away. “He escaped the labyrinth twice, but I don’t plan on letting you escape.”

“I-uh- m-muh-my dad’s probably really sorry about whatever he did! There’s no need to be rash!” A!MC stuttered.

“Yeah, no.” The woman huffed. “He had his chance to fix things. I’m getting even.”

“Not right now you’re not.”

A!MC swivelled their head around to see Barbatos calmly holding out a pair of scissors.

“Now Helene, I’d recommend releasing the child before I’m forced to take drastic measures.” Barbatos clicked the scissors together twice, and Helene paled. The wind pushing A!MC towards the painting dissipated and the half demon ran and hid behind the butler.

“Th-thank you...” A!MC mumbled.

“It’s not a problem, A!MC. Now I believe it would be a wise choice to move to another room.”

The two, (plus the hidden rat) ended up in the kitchen. A!MC shifted nervously as Barbatos began prepping lunch.

“Is there something you need to tell me?” Barbatos asked suddenly, A!MC straightened their posture and nodded.

“I um... promise you won’t be mad...” A!MC mumbled.

“I can assure you, I won’t be too upset.”

“I made a friend.” A!MC took Templeton out of their pocket and held him closely to their chest, Barbatos’s calm smile froze on his face. “He’s really sweet, please don’t kill him!”

“...A!MC.” Barbatos began slowly. “I’m not mad... just make sure it doesn’t escape and run rampant... now... please get it out of my kitchen.”

“Yes sir! Thank you sir!” A!MC turned and sprinted to their room.

Ugh... Barbatos, haven’t you ever watched Ratatouille? The rat can cook dammit!

When Luke went in to bake with his second dad he was very confused as to why Barbatos looked like he was having war flashbacks.

Huh... weird right? Anyway...

Good ol’ weird uncle Solomon suggested that after dinner everyone should get together and watch a movie.

L!MC and Solomon suggested that they watch The Conjuring and that idea got immediately shot down.

M!MC brought up that the most “family get-together” movie they could think of was Star Wars.

So they watched A New Hope.

“We could be watching the Conjuring right now.” L!MC murmured as they watched Luke Skywalker fumble his way to Obi Wan Kenobi.

“Yeah.” Solomon whispered back. “You know, I met Ed and Lorraine Warren.”

“Cool,” L!MC smiled. “My ren took me to their house once, when I went in to see all the haunted objects all the demons inside wanted to hang out with me.”

“Huh,” Solomon snickered. “Did they think you were Lucifer?”

“Yep. It was funny, Annabelle’s a pretty big asshole though.”

“I’d be an asshole too if I were stuck in a raggedy Anne doll since the 60s and not allowed to leave.”

“Both of you sh!” M!MC hissed, they threw some popcorn over their shoulder, which L!MC threw right back.

A while into the movie, M!MC elbowed Solomon and pointed at one of the aliens. “That’s you.”

“I’m so hurt…” Solomon pouted.

“And that’s you.” L!MC pointed at a stormtrooper that had just gotten shot with a blaster. M!MC scoffed and rolled their eyes.

“I’m not some dumb stormtrooper.”

“Yeah, you’re a little short for a stormtrooper.”

“HEY!”

“SHHHHHHH!” A!MC and Luke turned and started throwing their own popcorn…

The mess that they all had to vacuum after the movie was much more terrifying than The Conjuring ever could have been.

So, after a few days, Lucifer called to say that everyone was back to normal and the last remnants of the Demon-Flu were gone.

Yay! The kids could go back to their really overcrowded house!

The goodbyes were something to behold.

“Goodbye everyone! Come back sometime soon!” Diavolo waved from the doorway.

“Bye, Lord Diavolo!” L!MC smiled brightly and returned the wave. M!MC snickered and nudged them.

“That’s a pretty cold way to say goodbye to your dad-”

“Shut up…” L!MC growled.

“L!MC, what are they talking about?” Lucifer asked.

“Nothing!”

M!MC looked like they were weighing the pros and cons of surviving the conversation, then shrugged.

“M!MC, no, you have so much to live for!” A!MC pleaded.

“L!MC called Lord Diavolo dad!”

Mammon erupted into hysterical laughter while Asmo giggled and half heartedly patted L!MC on the head. Lucifer was not impressed.

“You know,” L!MC sighed. “I’m moving out. Lord Diavolo can I come live here?”

“L!MC, come back.” Lucifer trailed after his very embarrassed spawn.

A!MC pulled on their dad’s sleeve and cleared their throat.

“Yes sweetie?”

“D-dad, do you have a vehement hatred and or fear of rats?”

“Um-”

“Meet Templeton, he’s adorable and my friend.”

————————

Author’s note, The next part of the main series is coming next week… or this week… idk how long things take.

(Probably this week)

[butterfrogmantis]

NTOB S1 JUST FINISHED!

Some thoughts, so spoilers for S1 under the cut!

Overall rating - 7/10. I genuinely enjoyed the majority of the eps! There were some issues which I'll cover in my personal cons list but I always looked forwards to new ones coming out and am very excited to see them all in English!

Personal Pros:

Stunning cgi world - everything translated really smoothly from the 2D 80s style to modern cg! The models are cute, fit the environment really well and it's nice to see some 3D mechanics that didn't work very well in 2D!

Episodes were short and sweet - 10-20 minutes is about right for a show I think, and they all managed to tell good stories within the time frame!

Decent amount of lore and references to comics, which was a nice touch :)

Modern outfits! Farmer got his green overalls and straw hat, Handy has his blue overalls etc

The Fire Brigade Duo. I love the fire brigade duo and Dopey's stupid running carrot gag.

The girls!! It was nice to see a bunch of dynamics that weren't just with Team Smurf, and Lily gets an individual personality! Would have been nice to see more Willow though.

Hefty & Smurfette being more consistent! I like that they toned down the whole 'everyone after Smurfette' trope they had going. There is a couple of moments where some of the other guys do act sweet towards her but it's very clear Hefty has the main crush and they have a cute dynamic.

Speaking of, I'm SOOOOOOO glad they didn't force a romance between any of the grove girls and a guy. There were eps about the grove girls and the guys but it was always 'friends' and I appreciated that so much

Chef :) Everything about Chef.

Personal Cons:

Lazy recycled animation and models at times - I mean I get they're on budget but Begonia didn't even have her bangs lmao

Gross out humour - I get that it's nickelodeon and to be fair the gross humour was very rare but I just don't like it. Could have been so much worse, glad it wasn't.

No bowtie for Painter :( And not much screen time for him either - he deserved more!!

No Smurflings! This might be fixed in S2 if rumours I've heard are correct.

The English dub absolutely sucks with the exception of very few characters.

There was no continuity from the 80s show which wasn't a fault really but does feel a bit weird at times. This is more a long time fan thing I think. No Brainy&Clumsy BFF, no traditional Tailor, no Painter being pissed and breaking canvases every 5 mins, No Gourdy/Marina/Mother Nature/Hogatha etc etc. Also Mummy is a different design but I actually like her.

Fave Episode:

Clumsy's First Flight. This was literally my Christmas wish come true. Admittedly it's not out in English yet so I'm a bit worried there's gonna be a line that'll upset me still but just going off the visuals and Handy & Clumsy ep alone it's my NTOB comfort ep ^u^

Least Fave Episode:

Diaper Daddy. This one was made worse by being one of the first episodes. I genuinely got so hurt over Handy's sexism in that episode and it almost made me hate the series. Luckily I didn't but it was a very bad start. And also yeah the gross out humour but it's more forgivable with Baby.

[lee-scribbles-and-doodles]

Episode 6 reaction

Let's fucking goooooo!

The episode screencap is Sam with stars in the background. He should make it his social media icon... y'know, if he trusted technology enough to know what a social media is

Sam staring out at the city like a pi and ruining Max's commercial 🤣

Sam's fucking reach in order to realize Hugh Bliss is the Big Bad is sending me

Sam and Max driving through a rainbow vortex is very mlm of them. Great way to start pride month

Love that there's just a visitor's center on the moon.

The moleman just straight up admitting Hugh Bliss is trying to enslave the earth.

His master plan is literally just... on the wall

Huh, the moleman's suit in the previous episode was a mech suit. I guess that's why he looks so whimpy now

AGENT SUPERBALL!

I believe in your door guarding abilities Superball 🥺

Oh cool a unicorn

"Rub it sir." "Rub it Sam!" "Harder. Harder."

"Oh boy, a pet unicorn! I shall call him, Horny." "You do that."

"I am one with the door."

Back to Earth, and to Bosco's

"Hey Bosco... Oh dear god!"

He's pretending to be his own mom now

Interesting how Max nearly gets violent when Bosco compares him to his father 👀

Bosco admitting he keeps making crazy prices because the boys keep buying is some king shit.

Usually these items do something in Bosco's so I'm just going to click the Unicorn on everything.

"I know one way to get Horny red."

The microwave helped us get to level red. I guess that makes sense???

"Hey Jimmy, wanna touch my unicorn?" "Beat it!" "No, just touch it." "Scram!"

Too, the office?

The donut mold left

Hubert the plant is gone too :(

Max prefers his tiny desk to the oval office desk ♡

Poor Leonard

Max fed him the deed to the usa

To Sybil's!

According the posters, Sybil lost her cat :(

Asdfgff she's Canadian now?!

"Is Sybil hearing the voices again?"

Sorry, she's the QUEEN of Camada.

Max forgot he's president 🤣

Max also apparently eats shoes???

And Sam apparently works with Canada's tourist brigade or some shiz

To the moon, Alice.

Superball is pretty

Game froze :(

Ok it's working again

And it froze again :(

I just wanna play before work ya'll

Ok it's working!

Max is so happy to be near Hugh Bliss

Love how Hugh just casually admits his plans for taking over the world

Mr Spatula is on the moon???

Bathe in yellow

Aw, Abe is in love with Sybil.

Aw, we get to help them get together ❤

Ew he threw up his talisman

Tic Tac... DOOM

C.O.P.S. won't sing for Sam :(

It took me way too long to figure out the stupid lunar lander puzzel

Oh, I have to let c.o.p.s. win.

Fuck it I'm riding the rollercoaster

Aw, they're having fun

Ok let's go get Hugh Bliss

Wait, what's he doing

What?

What!?

Interesting that one of Max's vices seems... unhappy with himself

"Max, I'll get your vices back or kill us both trying!" "I love you too."

Omg the look of shock on Red Max's face before he disappears 🥺

Lmao Max immediately trying to shoot Sam when he gets his red back.

Back to Earth!

Ok I've tried to use gastrokinesis on everyone except Jimmy and Leonard

No dice on Jimmy :(

Ew, he puked up the deed to the united states

Can I... Can I sell it? Sybil's loaded now isn't she?

Asdfghh it worked!? OK, well now I have enough money for Bosco (almost forgot about that actually).

Oh no, she's been hypnotized. No wonder Abe is so uncomfortable. I guess that means Bliss's beam thing actually worked.

Green Max's eating noises are gross. Let's get the earth quake machine.

He... ate us!? Ew, he puked us up!?

OH, that's how I get Jimmy off the parking meter. ...That actually makes a lot of sense.

Ok, on the moon, let's use the earth quake machine

...It makes earthquakes by making the satellite crash. Don't know what I expected. At least we got Max's tale back.

I'm assuming I have to use the magic hat on Green Max due to process of elimination.

"That's my boy!" 🥺💜💜💜🥺

The second Hugh Bliss threatened Max, Sam began unloading led at him. Good husband.

He's alien bacteria? Y'know what, sure.

Oh my God it took me way too long to figure out how to kill Hugh bliss

No, don't drink him! Why is there so much vore in this episode!?

Max looks so happy when Sam gives him the boxing glove 😭😭😭

I can’t believe it's over.

Oh I like these ending credits and song ♡♡♡

Oh to be Max, punching out the entire world one by one.

Sam is just super chill with the whole situation.

[halothenthehorns]

TLTNL- Babbity Rabbity and Her Cackling Stump

"Oh, I want this one!" Sirius said at once.

Lily couldn't help cracking up laughing, she never would have believed Sirius would get so enthusiastic about reading a children's story, but no one protested as he began.

Of all the strange things he'd heard while here, Harry decided this one had to hit his top ten. What about a crazy rabbit now? Cackling Stump? Professor Sprout had sure never mentioned that.

Sirius began, much to no one's surprise but everyone's amusement, in a highly respectable tone as if reading a letter from the Queen of England herself. Shoulders held strait and mock pushing glasses steadily into place, he had the others shoulders shaking even as he carried on like this.

A long time ago, in a far-off land, there lived a foolish king who decided that he alone should have the power of magic.

"Right, I'm sure that worked out for him," James rolled his eyes at once.

He therefore commanded the head of his army to form a Brigade of Witch-Hunters, and issued them with a pack of ferocious black hounds.

Sirius said that with a little too much pride, and Harry honestly couldn't help but smile at the display.

At the same time, the King caused proclamations to be read in every village and town across the land:

"Wanted by the King, an Instructor in Magic."

No true witch or wizard dared volunteer for the post, for they were all in hiding from the Brigade of Witch-Hunters.

"Well that plan rather backfired on him right away," Lily chuckled.

  However, a cunning charlatan with no magical power saw a chance of enriching himself, and arrived at the palace, claiming to be a wizard of enormous skill. The charlatan performed a few simple tricks, which convinced the foolish King of his magical powers, and was immediately appointed Grand Sorcerer in Chief, the King's Private Magic Master.

"That's quite a title," Remus yawned. "I feel bad for the person who had to announce his entering a room."

The charlatan bade the King give him a large sack of gold, so that he might purchase wands and other magical necessities. He also requested several large rubies, to be used in the casting of curative charms, and a silver chalice or two, for the storing and maturing of potions. All these things the foolish King supplied.

James scratched at the back of his neck as he thought about it, wondering why the Muggle thought they'd use any of that, and clearly missing the snickering line about the foolish King.

"My question is, wouldn't he already have those things, being such a skilled sorcerer and all," Remus couldn't help but mock before Sirius shushed him.

The charlatan stowed the treasure safely in his own house and returned to the palace grounds. He did not know that he was being watched by an old woman who lived in a hovel on the edge of the grounds. Her name was Babbitty, and she was the washerwoman who kept the palace linens soft, fragrant and white. Peeping from behind her drying sheets, Babbitty saw the charlatan snap two twigs from one of the King's trees and disappear into the palace.

The charlatan gave one of the twigs to the King and assured him that it was a wand of tremendous power.

Here next he actually switched, to a poorly accent of a Cockney man, reminding Harry a bit of Stan now in this roll, which Harry was sure Sirius had done on purpose.

"It will only work, however," said the charlatan, "when you are worthy of it."

Every morning the charlatan and the foolish King walked out into the palace grounds, where they waved their wands and shouted nonsense at the sky. The charlatan was careful to perform more tricks, so that the King remained convinced of his Grand Sorcerer's skill, and of the power of the wands that had cost so much gold.

One morning, as the charlatan and the foolish King were twirling their twigs, and hopping in circles, and chanting meaningless rhymes, a loud cackling reached the King's ears. Babbitty the washerwoman was watching the King and the charlatan from the window of her tiny cottage, and was laughing so hard she soon sank out of sight, too weak to stand.

"I love that feeling," James's smile grew back at once, Sirius just read this with such unrestrained enjoyment, his tone promised they should all be feeling the exact same way now.

"I must look most undignified, to make the old washerwoman laugh so!" said the King.

For this he'd actually used his own voice, still in a bit more dignified tone, causing James to snort harder than ever and Remus to mutter a few big headed comments that Sirius took no notice of.

He ceased his hopping and twig twirling, and frowned.

"I really wonder how it took him so long to realize that," Lily couldn't help but agree.

"I grow weary of practice! When shall I be ready to perform real spells in front of my subjects, Sorcerer?"

The charlatan tried to soothe his pupil, assuring him that he would soon be capable of astonishing feats of magic, but Babbitty's cackling had stung the foolish King more than the charlatan knew.

"Tomorrow," said the King, "we shall invite our court to watch their King perform magic!"

The charlatan saw that the time had come to take his treasure and flee.

"Alas, Your Majesty, it is impossible! I had forgotten to tell Your Majesty that I must set out on a long journey tomorrow."

"Oh yes, slipped the mind till this very moment and all-" Remus stated in a posh voice, clearly trying to mimic Sirius who elbowed him amid more snickering.

"If you leave this palace without my permission, Sorcerer, my Brigade of Witch-Hunters will hunt you down with their hounds! Tomorrow morning you will assist me to perform magic for the benefit of my lords and ladies, and if anybody laughs at me, I shall have you beheaded!"

The King stormed back to the palace, leaving the charlatan alone and afraid. Not all his cunning could save him now, for he could not run away, nor could he help the King with magic that neither of them knew.

Seeking a vent for his fear and his anger, the charlatan approached the window of Babbitty the washerwoman. Peering inside, he saw the little old lady sitting at her table, polishing a wand. In a corner behind her, the King's sheets were washing themselves in a wooden tub.

"How reckless," Lily raised a brow. "The King's on a manhunt and she's doing that in broad daylight, after drawing attention from laughing at them."

"Lily, you're getting as bad as Remus. Enjoy the stupid story," Sirius huffed without breaking character, and Lily had to bite her lip harder than ever to stop from falling off the couch laughing.

The charlatan understood at once that Babbitty was a true witch, and that she who had given him his awful problem could also solve it.

"Crone!" roared the charlatan. "Your cackling has cost me dear! If you fail to help me, I shall denounce you as a witch, and it will be you who is torn apart by the King's hounds!"

"I'm sure if that was actually a bother to her she wouldn't be in this situation to begin with," James took his turn poking a flaw in this, but Sirius blatantly ignored him as well.

Old Babbitty smiled at the charlatan and assured him that she would do everything in her power to help.

The charlatan instructed her to conceal herself inside a bush while the King gave his magical display, and to perform the King's spells for him, without his knowledge. Babbitty agreed to the plan but asked one question.

"What, sir, if the King attempts a spell Babbitty cannot perform?"

For this, he tried to imitate Lily, which she cottoned onto at once. "You little toerag, I am not your wash woman."

"Whatever do you mean Lily?" He batted his eyes and refused to acknowledge he was doing any such thing, or change as he continued.

Lily fingered her wand and considered, but the others were just laughing too hard, and finally she gave in to take the joke.

The charlatan scoffed.

"Your magic is more than equal to that fool's imagination," he assured her, and he retired to the castle, well pleased with his own cleverness.

"Most idiots are," she still couldn't help but mutter.

The following morning all the lords and ladies of the kingdom assembled in the palace grounds.

The King climbed on to a stage in front of them, with the charlatan by his side.

"I shall firstly make this lady's hat disappear!" cried the King, pointing his twig at a noblewoman.

From inside a bush nearby, Babbitty pointed her wand at the hat and caused it to vanish.

Great was the astonishment and admiration of the crowd, and loud their applause for the jubilant King.

"Next, I shall make that horse fly!" cried the King,

"Now that's a complicated little spell, putting wings on a horse," James grinned, "or does he mean turning it into an actual fly?"

"I'm guessing your mum used different spells this King was performing," Lily asked curiously, but Sirius cut them off by pouting, "would you lot quit interrupting! I'm giving you a show over here and you lot have no appreciation."

Remus arched a curious brow at him when he told, "Sirius, I was under the impression you've been doing that over ten years now. I'm still waiting for my first intermission to take a piss."

Sirius huffed and muttered some more about ingrates before continuing louder.

pointing his twig at his own steed.

From inside the bush, Babbitty pointed her wand at the horse and it rose high into the air.

The crowd was still more thrilled and amazed,

Babbitty Rabbitty and her Cackling Stump and they roared their appreciation of their magical King.

"And now," said the King, looking all around for an idea; and the Captain of his Brigade of Witch-Hunters ran forwards.

"Your Majesty," said the Captain, "this very morning, Sabre died of eating a poisonous toadstool! Bring him back to life, Your Majesty, with your wand!"

"This one was the same though," James whispered quietly to Lily, his parents first time ever telling him everything had a limit, even magic.

And the Captain heaved on to the stage the lifeless body of the largest of the witch-hunting hounds.

The foolish King brandished his twig and pointed it at the dead dog. But inside the bush, Babbitty smiled, and did not trouble to lift her wand, for no magic can raise the dead.

When the dog did not stir, the crowd began first to whisper, and then to laugh.

"This King is of poor showman ship," Sirius couldn't help but interrupt himself this time at no lack of recovery for this. "He could have made up anything, these people have no more clue than him. He hasn't gotten that far along with his magic training yet, or the truth even."

"No one can be like you Sirius," Remus happily reminded, who preened at the snide comment and kept going.

They suspected that the King's first two feats had been mere tricks after all.

"How do you make lifting a horse a trick?" James rolled his eyes, honestly, Muggles really would believe anything.

"Why doesn't it work?" the King screamed at the charlatan, who bethought himself of the only ruse left to him.

"There, Your Majesty, there!" he shouted, pointing at the bush where Babbitty sat concealed. "I see her plain, a wicked witch who is blocking your magic with her own evil spells! Seize her, somebody, seize her!"

Babbitty fled from the bush, and the Brigade of Witch-Hunters set off in pursuit, unleashing their hounds, who bayed for Babbitty's blood.

But as she reached a low hedge, the little witch vanished from sight, and when the King, the charlatan and all the courtiers gained the other side, they found the pack of witch-hunting hounds barking and scrabbling around a bent and aged tree.

"She has turned herself into a tree!" screamed the charlatan and, dreading lest Babbitty turn back into a woman and denounce him, he added, "Cut her down, Your Majesty, that is the way to treat evil witches!"

Harry couldn't help but shake his head sadly. Though he was confident that hadn't been Babbity's actions, it still saddened him this man really went through with killing some innocent person just to save himself. Making him question more every day what exactly blurred the line between those Wizards who thought themselves better when there were Muggles who would do the same.

An axe was brought at once, and the old tree was felled to loud cheers from the courtiers and the charlatan.

However, as they were making ready to return to the palace, the sound of loud cackling stopped them in their tracks.

"Fools!" cried Babbitty's voice from the stump they had left behind. "No witch or wizard can be killed by being cut in half! Take the axe, if you do not believe me, and cut the Grand Sorcerer in two!"

The Captain of the Brigade of Witch-Hunters was eager to make the experiment, but as he raised the axe the charlatan fell to his knees, screaming for mercy and confessing all his wickedness.

"At least someone got their dues," Lily chuckled for this woman's quick thinking, not nearly as sour at Sirius anymore trying to feign her voice into the story.

As he was dragged away to the dungeons, the tree stump cackled more loudly than ever.

"By cutting a witch in half, you have unleashed a dreadful curse upon your kingdom!" It told the petrified King. "Henceforth, every stroke of harm that you inflict upon my fellow witches and wizards will feel like an axe stroke in your own side, until you will wish you could die of it!"

"I always did like this story, Babbity's a great role model," James happily agreed. She was taking this opportunity to do right by everything, instead of say, just asking for those riches again like some would have.

"What about Babbity then?" Lilly couldn't help but challenge. "If we were to have a little girl."

James hummed thoughtfully but gave nothing away.

At that, the King fell to his knees too, and told the stump that he would issue a proclamation at once, protecting all the witches and wizards of the kingdom, and allowing them to practise their magic in peace.

"Very good," said the stump, "but you have not yet made amends to Babbitty!"

"Anything, anything at all!" cried the foolish King, wringing his hands before the stump.

"You will erect a statue of Babbitty upon me, in memory of your poor washerwoman, and to remind you for ever of your own foolishness!" said the stump.

"Ah, guess I don't blame her having one thing for herself though," Harry couldn't help but keep snickering away at this comeuppance.

The King agreed to it at once, and promised to engage the foremost sculptor in the land, and have the statue made of pure gold.

"Can't do anything halfway though," Remus chuckled.

Then the shamed King and all the noblemen and women returned to the palace, leaving the tree stump cackling behind them.

When the grounds were deserted once more, there wriggled from a hole between the roots of the tree stump a stout and whiskery old rabbit with a wand clamped between her teeth.

"She's an Animgaus," Lily said in surprise.

"Yep," the other three said at once, little smiles still in place.

"Such a silly little tail, but McGonagall actually referenced it in her lecture about Animagus', so we just had to look it up," James chuckled.

"Apparently it was one of the first and only times used in a children's tale, but then from there we really started digging into the subject, and," Sirius trailed off suggestively with an unneeded wave at himself.

Lily just kept smiling in surprise that such a thing would mean so much to one person, and Remus shaking his head affectionately at his friends all these years later still proved as much.

Babbitty hopped out of the grounds and far away, and ever after a golden statue of the washerwoman stood upon the tree stump, and no witch or wizard was ever persecuted in the kingdom again.

Albus Dumbledore on "Babbitty Rabbitty and her Cackling Stump"

Sirius couldn't stop now, and instead adopted the phony voice of Dumbledore, honestly managing quite a good impression.

The story of "Babbitty Rabbitty and her Cackling Stump" is, in many ways, the most "real" of Beedle's tales, in that the magic described in the story conforms, almost entirely, to known magical laws.

It was through this story that many of us first discovered that magic could not bring back the dead "and a great disappointment and shock it was, convinced as we had been, as young children, that our parents would be able to awaken our dead rats and cats with one wave of their wands.

Though some six centuries have elapsed since Beedle wrote this tale, and while we have devised innumerable ways of maintaining the illusion of our loved ones' continuing presence, wizards still have not found a way of reuniting body and soul once death has occurred.

Harry watched Sirius read that with a heavy burn in his throat that he'd felt every time he looked to his parents as well. He looked quickly away and adjusted his glasses, determined not to let his mind linger and dredge that up again so soon, he was going to enjoy these moments!

As the eminent wizarding philosopher Bertrand de Penses-Profondes writes in his celebrated work A Study into the Possibility of Reversing the Actual and Metaphysical Effects of Natural Death, with Particular Regard to the Reintegration of Essence and Matter:

Sirius had to stop and actually take a breath after such an exquisite title, honestly going cross eyed at the idea of that being on the spine of a book, before finishing.

"Give it up. It's never going to happen."1

Then promptly started laughing like a madman, the others not resisting joining in.

The tale of Babbitty Rabbitty does, however, give us one of the earliest literary mentions of an Animagus, for Babbitty the washerwoman is possessed of the rare magical ability to transform into an animal at will.

Animagi make up a small fraction of the wizarding population. Achieving perfect, spontaneous human to animal transformation requires much study and practice, and many witches and wizards consider that their time might be better employed in other ways. Certainly, the application of such a talent is limited unless one has a great need of disguise or concealment.

"Honestly I don't think about that part too much," James shrugged. "It's not like it comes in handy when running to spontaneously burst into a deer and keep running, then you can't shoot spells back."

"I can see the convenience for smaller animals though," Sirius corrected with a curious look. "I could fit into smaller spaces as Padfoot, duck out of the way and honestly run faster."

"I still can't believe you fools convinced the whole Order of your stupid nicknames anymore than the school, it's not like you're subtle," Lily told them affectionately.

"They'll get the joke when we tell them in a few years," James waved off.

It is for this reason that the Ministry of Magic has insisted upon a register of Animagi, for there can be no doubt that this kind of magic is of greatest use to those engaged in surreptitious, covert or even criminal activity.2

James and Sirius looked highly offended their one and only way to help their friend was deemed like this, but Remus just looked sad. His friends foolish attempt to help him turned out to be the first time in his life he'd ever felt like he wasn't bearing a curse. It's not as if he'd ever ask another wizard to try the same, to help more werewolves in this way, but was it so unreasonable to realize help was out there?

Whether there was ever a washerwoman who was able to transform into a rabbit is open to doubt; however, some magical historians have suggested that Beedle modelled Babbitty on the famous French sorceress Lisette de Lapin, who was convicted of witchcraft in Paris in 1422. To the astonishment of her Muggle guards, who were later tried for helping the witch to escape, Lisette vanished from her prison cell the night before she was due to be executed. Although it has never been proven that Lisette was an Animagus who managed to squeeze through the bars of her cell window, a large white rabbit was subsequently seen crossing the English Channel in a cauldron with a sail fitted to it, and a similar rabbit later became a trusted advisor at the court of King Henry VI.

"Oh, well that's not suspicious at all," Sirius cackled, while Lily twirled a bit of hair around and wondered why that sounded vaguely familiar. Probably something she'd blocked out from a History of Magic Essay.

The King in Beedle's story is a foolish Muggle who both covets and fears magic. He believes that he can become a wizard simply by learning incantations and waving a wand. This may have contributed to that Muggle King's reputation for mental instability.

He is completely ignorant of the true nature of magic and wizards, and therefore swallows the preposterous suggestions of both the charlatan and Babbitty. This is certainly typical of a particular type of Muggle thinking: in their ignorance, they are prepared to accept all sorts of impossibilities about magic, including the proposition that Babbitty has turned herself into a tree that can still think and talk.

"Honestly, that was the most ridiculous part," Lily agreed.

(It is worth noting at this point, however, that while Beedle uses the talking-tree device to show us how ignorant the Muggle King is, he also asks us to believe that Babbitty can talk while she is a rabbit.)

"I thought she was just curled up under the stump and changed afterwards," James said in surprise.

"Details," Sirius waved off.

This might be poetic licence, but I think it more likely that Beedle had only heard about Animagi, and never met one, for this is the only liberty that he takes with magical laws in the story. Animagi do not retain the power of human speech while in their animal form, although they keep all their human thinking and reasoning powers.

"Tragically, Sirius never did recover from his first transformation though and now retains the idiocy of a puppy," Remus sighed deeply while mock wiping a tear away.

"Don't be ridiculous Moony," James said pleasantly that did nothing to make Sirius believe defense was coming. "He's always had the attention span of a pup, now he just has a better excuse."

"I hate you all," Sirius huffed.

This, as every schoolchild knows, is the fundamental difference between being an Animagus, and Transfiguring oneself into an animal. In the case of the latter, one would become the animal entirely, with the consequence that one would know no magic, be unaware that one had ever been a wizard, and would need somebody else to Transfigure one back to one's original form.

"Why did McGonagall have to change Malfoy back from a ferret again?" Harry muttered of no one.

I think it possible that in choosing to make his heroine pretend to turn into a tree, and threaten the King with pain like an axe stroke in his own side, Beedle was inspired by real magical traditions and practices. Trees with wand-quality wood have always been fiercely protected by the wandmakers who tend them, and cutting down such trees to steal them risks incurring not only the malice of the Bowtruckles3 usually nesting there, but also the ill effect of any protective curses placed around them by their owners. In Beedle's time, the Cruciatus Curse4 had not yet been made illegal by the Ministry of Magic, and could have produced precisely the sensation with which Babbitty threatens the King.

1Wizarding photographs and portraits move and (in the case of the latter) talk just like their subjects. Other rare objects, such as the Mirror of Erised, may also reveal more than a static image of a lost loved one. Ghosts are transparent, moving, talking and thinking versions of wizards and witches who wished, for whatever reason, to remain on earth.

2Professor McGonagall, Deputy Headmistress of Hogwarts, has asked me to make clear that she became an Animagus merely as a result of her extensive researches into all fields of Transfiguration, and that she has never used the ability to turn into a tabby cat for any surreptitious purpose, setting aside legitimate business on behalf of the Order of the Phoenix where secrecy and concealment were imperative.

Sirius couldn't help but burst out laughing again, and honestly the others couldn't blame him.

"Was McGonagall reading these notes over his shoulder and told him to put in that postscript, so that any mad man reading these as well would think, oh, so sorry for thinking otherwise!" Remus tried to demand while holding his sides.

"Yes," James said at once, the lot of them hardly intelligible they were giggling so hard.

3For a full description of these curious little tree-dwellers, see Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them.

4The Cruciatus, Imperius and Avada Kedavra Curses were first classified as Unforgivable in 1717, with the strictest penalties attached to their use.

"Hey, I actually knew that one," James muttered, trying for a proud tone, but merely shivering all over again of all those curses had done to his family.

As intensive studies in the Department of Mysteries demonstrated as far back as 1672, wizards and witches are born, not created. While the "rogue" ability to perform magic sometimes appears in those of apparent non-magical descent (though several later studies have suggested that there will have been a witch or wizard somewhere on the family tree), Muggles cannot perform magic. The best - or worst - they could hope for are random and uncontrollable effects generated by a genuine magical wand, which, as an instrument through which magic is supposed to be channelled, sometimes holds residual power that it may discharge at odd moments. See also the notes on wandlore for "The Tale of the Three Brothers".

"Well that's done." Sirius said in just a bit of disappointment as he reluctantly handed over the last story to James.

"How come you don't do those voices all the time?" Harry couldn't help but ask with amusement. "I'd like to hear you try me, or Ron and Hermione."

Sirius eyed him critically for a moment, before clearing his throat dramatically, and instead used a high nasally voice, "sorry, best I can do is more Prongs."

James whacked him upside the head.

Sirius hardly blinked and kept going in a more normal tone, "and I've never actually heard your friends voices, but I can do some guesses-"

"That's alright," Remus waved his hands pleadingly for James to go on or they'd be here all day.

James still had to pause for a moment and get his laughter under control before he could.

[lulu2992]

What I learned listening to Far Cry 5′s audio files

The game’s lore, as told by its characters.

☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

Adelaide Drubman

Biography

Adelaide describes her father as a “nasty, sad drunk” and reveals he went to jail. When she was young, her parents sent her to the Sacred Skies Youth Camp to find Jesus. She found a boy named Trevor instead and they “got to know each other”. She is the mother of Hurk Jr. and used to be married to Hurk Sr. She says she drank to martinis a night when she was nursing and that it didn’t have any consequence on her baby. She divorced Hurk Sr. when their son was 25 and now she deplores they want everyone to think they are the victims... When she divorced, she took what was hers: the Marina, because she claims she is the one who built their business while her husband was too busy drinking, and Tulip, her helicopter. When her former pilot friends joined Eden’s Gate and tried to take everything from her, including her new boyfriend Xander, she decided to fight back.

Adelaide loves guns and doesn’t trust scientists. She’s also an animal lover and donated to the F.A.N.G. Center once. She says she stocked up on coconut oil and advises to always pack an extra pair of socks. She thinks violence is a better way to let off steam than sex or money and that Whistling Beaver tastes bad. She also had sex pretty much everywhere in Hope County and talks about it a lot.

Comments about other characters

Resistance

Adelaide likes Boomer and doesn’t want him to get hurt. She bets a lot of hunters are going to want his babies when the fight against the cult is over. When she was married, they used to have a dog that Hurk Jr. named Rocket. She says she loves Cheeseburger more than her son. Even though she says she never liked cats, she doesn’t seem to hate Peaches.

She buzzed Nick once and he didn’t like it, but she thinks he’s cute when he’s upset. He is one of the names on what she calls her “any hole list”. Adelaide is willing to loan Xander to Grace so she can decompress but Grace is not interested. Even though she says she doesn’t want to know what Hurk Jr. has been up to and that he’s “water-headed”, she admits she actually loves him. She likes Jess (the feeling doesn’t seem to be mutual) because she thinks she’s smart and already wised up even though she’s much younger (26 years, says Adelaide) than her. According to her, “the Boshaws aren’t the brightest” and Sharky always “looked at fire like it was wearing a bikini”. She doesn’t like him as much as he likes her.

She says Hurk Sr. named his beloved boat The First Lady and that it was “the only lady that could get wet with him inside”. According to her, he was lazy, selfish, controlling, and never learned how to cook. She says he is a “piece of garbage”, a “limp-dicked alpha dipshit” and explains she hasn’t spoken to him in 17 years.

She thinks Jerome is very attractive. He too is on her “any hole list”.

Larry is “Captain of the tinfoil hat brigade”, she warns.

She says Mary May “doesn’t fuck around”.

Even though she thinks Miss Mable is “a cunt”, she doesn’t seem to dislike her and says she can take care of herself.

She likes to watch Xander do yoga and, even though she sometimes has affairs with other “trophy boys”, she always comes back to him. According to her, he has no situational awareness but she seems to genuinely love him… and what he does to her. She says Bliss has interesting effects on him when it comes to sex. She confesses he has been having “problems with his plumbing” since the Reaping began... He is on a “Wenja diet” and used to protest at the lumberyard on account of its “inhumane treatment of trees”. He asked if they could negotiate with the cultists instead of killing them but she thought it was a stupid idea.

She had sex with Zip once. “Worst lay of [her] life. Like a dead fish”.

Eden’s Gate

Adelaide doesn’t feel bad about killing them at all. She thought about becoming an Angel but it meant shaving her head so she decided against it. Her head is the only part of her body she doesn’t shave… She also says it would have made her look as poor as she used to be and she doesn’t want that. According to her, having sex under the influence of Bliss is something worth trying and the drug gave her great, sexy visions. She hates the cult’s song because it’s impossible to have sex while listening to them and she also hates that she sometimes feels like humming along. She wonders if the “Peggies” know what pegging is and thinks they wouldn’t be this crazy if they had sex more often.

Adelaide hates Joseph but is a bit attracted to him too. In FMK (Fuck, Marry, Kill), she’d “fuck then kill” him. She once had a dream that involved him, a bed, whips, chains, and “conflicting emotions and sensations”.

She is very, very attracted to John, loves his coat, and talks about how sexy she thinks he is quite often. She says he is the only cult member who is not “unbangable”, that he probably “gives the best spankings”, and thinks she is turned on by him because he is crazy and violent. He of course is on her “any hole list” as well. In FMK, she’d fuck him. She also believes he may be “in some kind of love” with the Deputy or at least sexually attracted to them.

Jacob’s Judges forever ruined werewolf erotica for Adelaide... Still, she says the Resistance should take pictures of him, “preferably shirtless, for intelligence purposes”. She would have sex with him it meant saving Hope County because she is certain he needs “an experienced woman in his life” and would be a different man if he had one. In FMK, she’d kill him.

Adelaide can’t stand Faith’s singing and calls her a “Lilith Fair reject”. She also seems a bit jealous of her since she is young and attracts pretty much all men. Still, in FMK, she says she’d marry her. She wonders if Faith is a victim or a mastermind.

Other characters’ point of view

Dutch says she is “one hell of a firecracker”. It’s a compliment.

She taught Hurk Jr. everything about guns when he was homeschooled and he thinks she was the best teacher. He also says she once cheated on his dad with a doctor... among many other people. According to him, they used to be very poor when he was little.

Jess thinks the fact she is much older than Xander is “gross”.

Miss Mable calls her “that little Drubman whore” and mistakenly believes Xander is her (stupid) son.

Sharky has always had a crush on her and even writes poems about her.

Whitehorse thinks she has the means to wage “a one-woman war” on Eden’s Gate.

Xander says she taught him everything about guns and how to use them. She would bite his ear every time he missed the target but she stopped when she realized he was missing on purpose. When he almost died and his life flashed before his eyes, he says it was “all Addie”. He doesn’t want to know more about Faith because he already has Adelaide. She said the Deputy was “a ten-gallon hat with spurs” but he doesn’t know if it was supposed to be “a sex thing” or not... Even though he doesn’t know what that means, he is “stoked” because she said she would be giving him “some dookie love”. According to him, she writes poems.

One NPC tells the Deputy to “watch [their] ass” around her because “she gets grabby”. Another one wishes she would notice him.

[mariofallenstar]

Super Mario Bros.: Fallen Star AU (Part 4)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

What did Luigi feel in the face of his approaching execution?

A lot of jumbled-up things, most of them seemingly incompatible with each other.

See, Luigi had no intention of saving himself by giving up Peach’s location to Bowser.

After being captured for what seemed to be the final time, he looked over the course of his heroing career and saw nothing but failure.

He hadn’t been able to save the Mushroom Kingdom or Mario.

He’d rescued many Toads from Bowser’s tyranny, but there were so many more left behind.

And even the ones who had been saved were now living in exile.

Luigi, in some twisted way, saw himself dying to save Peach and Stella as a redemption,

A redemption it never occurred to him he didn’t need.

His silence was the one thing he still had left to him.

If he could keep his silence, his niece and her mother would be safe.

Well, he wanted to think like that,

But when he thought of his family, not just Stella and Peach but Daisy and his own children,

He nearly broke.

He didn’t want to leave them. He wanted to stay with them.

Each time he tried to reconcile himself to his “sacrifice,” their faces appeared in his head, and he railed against the deep unfairness of it all.

Little did he know,

His niece had no intention of letting her uncle die.

Stella emerged from the warp pipe hidden in an empty mine where Bowser’s forces wouldn’t think to look.

This was the first time she had set foot in the Mushroom Kingdom since she was sixteen, and the first time she had ever done so alone.

She was in awe as she traversed the country she still thought of as her birthright.

“This rock is mine. This tree is mine. That horizon is mine.”

Of course, that’s not how royalty or property works, and to some extent, Stella knew this,

But she was also young and mentally overwhelmed. 

She looked over the terrain the way a farmer would survey the untamed patch of wilderness they had just purchased,

Seeing both what was there and what would be underneath once every obstacle was cleared away. A sort of greedy double-vision.

But, of course, Stella had a job to do.

Luigi’s execution was in six days. She had to make her way to the site of the old castle and interrupt it somehow.

She didn’t really have a plan,

And the Mushroom Kingdom had become an unwelcoming place.

Everything about the country had changed, even its name.

It was called “New Bowser Kingdom” now. 

Much of the old cities had become industrialized, and new towns had sprung up surrounding ember-spewing weapon factories.

The sky was choked with pollution, and the air filled with the metallic clang of hammers.

Toads had been reduced to second-class citizens who toiled in dangerous and thankless jobs. 

And, while many were still secretly loyal to Princess Peach and dreamt of the day when she would return,

Others were consumed by bitterness, thinking that Peach had abandoned them.

Many of them had lost their last shred of hope in the wake of Luigi’s upcoming execution. 

Stella was deeply saddened as she moved through these sad, soot-filled cities.

These were her people. They needed her.

But she had no idea how to help them.

For the first time, she understood something of the full weight of what her mother and uncle were up against. 

Now, naturally, a human girl in the isolationist New Bowser Kingdom was bound to attract attention,

And if anyone discovered she was Princess Peach’s daughter, that could jeopardize her rescue mission.

But, Stella had a cover story.

She told any Toad to whom she showed her face that she was a reporter from the Metro Kingdom. 

She had come to see if living conditions in New Bowser Kingdom were truly as inhumane as the rumors claimed.

When people heard she was a reporter, they became eager to talk to her. 

They all seemed to have something they wanted her to say to the outside world.

Some felt it was important to communicate how bad living conditions really were.

They told Stella of overly long hours, low pay, strict rationing in winter, merciless fatigue in summer, how a coworker had fallen into a smelting vat and the smell had lingered for weeks.

Others had loved ones who had already escaped or that they had simply lost track of.

They urged Stella to send out inquiries and give names.

“It’s me, Todd. I’m still alive. I miss you.

“Publish that for me, will you? Maybe she’ll see it.”

Still others had messages they wished to convey to Princess Peach.

“Long live the princess!”

“This kingdom is still yours, Princess! It will always be yours!”

“We’re fighting for you, Princess Peach! We know you’ll come back one day!”

It was this last group that hit Stella the hardest.

She found her eyes welling up with tears as she heard those earnest words, pledges of loyalty to her mother.

The Toads were taken aback by her tears.

“It’s just very moving how much you care for your princess,” she managed to choke out.

The Toads came to see her as a living bottle, carrying all their messages. They wanted to protect their messages,

And so they tried to protect her.

Stella found people willing to hide her in their homes, people willing to share their food. 

Still, there were a few close calls.

Stella found herself unable to stand back and watch as an overworked Toad was disciplined by a Hammer Bro. for passing out in the street,

So she jumped in and fought the Hammer Bro. off.

She knew it was probably a mistake, but the testimonies of the Toads had left her so riled up, she felt she would explode if she didn’t do something.

She’d had to retreat before reinforcements appeared by crawling into the sewer.

It was there, sloshing through who-knows-what in the dark,

That she discovered her uncle had not been the only one fighting for the kingdom’s freedom.

As previously stated, Luigi had been very hush-hush about his rescue work in New Bowser Kingdom. There were many aspects that he had never told Stella about.

That included his allies.

Stella found herself confronted with a cluster of very dirty, very fierce looking Toads. 

They were the remains of the Toad Brigade.

No longer an exploration team, they now served as the major resistance organization in New Bowser Kingdom. 

In the intervening years, Captain Toad had changed from a wide-eyed idealist into someone much more jaded and cynical.

Stella, overjoyed at having found a real resistance, confided in him her real goal of rescuing Luigi.

Captain Toad told her she was out of her mind.

Luigi was already dead. They couldn’t count on Mario, and they can’t count on Luigi.

They had a hard enough time keeping their numbers up as it is. Risking the entire Toad Brigade to rescue Luigi was a foolish gamble.

They had already seen so many brave souls fall.

He didn’t even want to mention what had happened to Toadette.

Before Stella even had time to ask, “Who’s Toadette?” Captain Toad had already turned away.

“Forget him. Head home. Nobody asked you to meddle in our business.”

The Toad Brigade had been tracking Stella, but they didn’t know who she was, and they were not impressed by what they saw as her feeble efforts to be a hero. 

Stella had no choice but to play her final card.

She opened the backpack she had been carrying and pulled out a hat.

It was a plumber’s hat, much like her father’s and uncle’s. It was in pink with an “S” above the brim.

She put it on and told Captain Toad to look at her.

He did.

He huffed.

“That stupid cosplay isn’t going to change my mind.”

“It’s not cosplay,” said Stella.

“Look in my eyes.

“Don’t you know who I am?”

Captain Toad looked.

He blinked. 

He couldn’t look away.

Stella’s eyes looked exactly like Peach’s.

And that determined expression underneath that hat...

“Princess Peach...the hero you called Mario...

“They’re not strangers to me, either. 

“I already lost my dad. I don’t want to lose my uncle.

“I know you think we failed you, but I promise it will change.”

In spite of himself, Captain Toad was in tears.

“Has it really been that long?

“Is she really a mother now?”

“Please, help me!” said Stella.

But, Captain Toad shook his head.

“Go home. Go back to your mother.

“Do you think we want to lose you, too?”

But, Stella was tired of being protected, tired of being told it was enough just to live.

She had never felt more strongly that she had so much more to offer than her continued survival.

“If you don’t come with me to save Zio, I’m going alone.”

Looking at her blazing blue eyes, Captain Toad saw Mario.

He knew she was serious.

He agreed to help her.

The Toad Brigade bowed to their princess.

Luigi’s execution was in two days.