#the shit formerly known as

[dysco-lymonade]

12 and 20 for ankle monitor because these just scream Lexa for obvious reasons

I really love your clexa headcanons 🥰

I’m cringing so hard while I write fumbling Lexa, knowing full well that she’s soon going to be getting railed by Clarke.

Again, these posts aren’t linear. I’m a hot mess so bear with me.

This one is set after this prompt where Lexa finally learns Clarke’s name.

12 and 20 nervous embarrassment and clumsy attempts at flirting

Lexa makes it two days before going back to Sky Mart. She’s going to be an attorney for fucks sake, she’s going to face bigger challenges than minor embarrassment.

With her head held high, she rounds the corner to the store.

And proceeds to trip over a sign she swears wasn’t there two days ago.

She rights herself quickly, praying to a higher power that nobody saw her fumble.

“Not my best work, but you didn’t have to demolish it.” No such luck.

Is it too late to make a run for it?

She looks up when she hears a raspy voice she would recognize anywhere. Thankfully, Clarke looks amused as she holds the door open to the store.

“I am so sorry.” Lexa knows her face is beet red. “I swear I’m not usually such a mess.” She’s destined for failure, she should give up while she’s ahead. “Somehow this only happens around you.” That was a dumb thing to say.

It seems to catch Clarke’s attention though, if her smirk is any inclination.

“Should I be flattered, or offended?” She pulls the door open further, tossing a casual arm inside to usher Lexa in.

“Offend- No? No! I’m just distracted. Lots going on, you know?” Smooth.

Clarke gives a noncommittal hum. “And here I thought I was special.” She fucking winks.

Lexa trips through the doorway.

Clarke catches her by the shoulders, and saves her from smashing her face into the door. Lexa kind of wishes she would have let her fall, put her out of her misery.

“You’re making a habit of this.” Clarke tsks.

Lexa says the first thing that comes to mind, “I guess I just can’t help falling for you.” And mentally face palms.

It pulls a guttural laugh from Clarke as she helps steady Lexa on her feet.

Oh? She likes shitty pick-up lines, does she? Lexa may have a chance after all.

Releasing Lexa from her hold, Clarke asks, “So, Don Juan, can I help you find anything?”

“Definitely not coffee. But I could use a snack, something sweet, maybe?” Lexa shoots her an overly enthusiastic wink, playing along with her teasing.

Another laugh from Clarke. Lexa mentally pats herself on the back for at the very least humoring this poor soul she can’t seem to stay away from.

“Maybe some water? You seem pretty thirsty.” Clarke smirks as she walks away to the register, leaving Lexa to her own devices.

[tamsinbeybey-she-no-porcupine]

I'm home again, I won the war, and now I am behind your door.

Remember me? Before the war I'm the man who lived next door. Long ago

As you can see, when you look at me, I'm pieces of what I used to be. They made me a heart of steal, the kind them bullets cannot see

Nothing's what it seems to be, I'm a replica, I'm a replica

Empty shell inside of me I'm not myself, I'm a replica of me

Are you gonna leave me now, when it is all over

Are you gonna leave me, is my world now over?

I dream a dream, I'm floating in a silent scream

No-one placing blame on me But nothing's what it seems to be

Remember me? Before the war I'm the man who lived...

[thirteenemeraldcats]

Summary:

Nothing had happened, is the point. Nothing had changed. Nothing that would explain why he’d had to choke down his dinner, had only managed part of it in the end, left the half-eaten remains to go bad in his kitchen sink.

Nothing had happened that would explain how when he’d gone to get undressed for bed that night he just… couldn’t. How the thought of taking off the heavy sweats he’d spent the evening in felt unnervingly like peeling off his own skin. How he’d crawled into bed still fully clothed, still cold, had curled into a ball, tucked deep under his duvet. How he’d just… gone.

Nothing had happened that would explain why he was still curled into that ball, still fully clothed in the dark all those hours later. Still awake, still gone.

He’s cold.

In which Jamie has a very-bad-brain-day and Roy tries to help.

AKA: ‘I feel like I’ve lost my wings Roy’: but make it much, much worse.

[see-arcane]

I am definitely gonna get Vampyres when it's published! Also, for your now split up 'Barking Harker' thing, what WAS Johnathan turning into? You said you had a theory before, and I'd really like to hear it!

Why, Jonathan was only becoming more himself! Just a

Good

Haunted

Ominous

Uncanny

Lad

:)

[shegottosayit]

[megafreeman]

[swordmaid]

the fact that you can know recruit minthara via grove raid defence means that she can finally be a companion in shri’iia’s playthrough …!!!!

[old-stoneface]

oh shit in four days im seeing rev kristin michael hayter in concert . oh my goddddd i cant believe it.. ive wanted to see her live for ages her voice is so incredible

[cidnangarlond]

I remember making gifs way back when in high school and messing about with stuff and on the save to web window I was like why's it look so fucking BUSTED now. changed setting to pattern and it looked normal and I was like oh that's good. recently went and looked at a gif without the pattern and it was so fucked. immediately put that shit back on. photoshop when it's a good and functioning resource to make gifs 👍🏻

[taniushka12]

Part of me wishes i watched breaking bad before better call saul as it was intended to bc i just know i would've loved saul goodman from the very start even without knowing shit about him, so seeing bcs afterwards would have been an extremely rich and uniquely tragic experience ;_; ;o;

[boogerbrains]

Do Keum-Yeun

"‘I hate all American presidents.’ South Korean woman Do Keum-Yeun, then 81 years old, uttered these words during a 2017 protest against the installation of a US missile defence system in her village.

Her sentiments, which imply that no US leader means well for the world, especially for the Global South, should be the guiding principle for all Pan-Africanists and anti-imperialists regarding the forthcoming US elections in particular and its politics in general."

[pseudowho]

Motherhood had altered your 'turn-ons'; not that you lusted after mankind as a whole-- Kento was enough.

His cologne, split with the smooth tang of sweat on work-ripened skin. His hands, alternately gentle and rough, peach-handling or blade-wielding. The authority only the world saw; the authority only you felt.

Dressed-up, dressed-down, undressed, dressing you down, undressing you. Breaking you only to reform you with gold, tied with red thread, whispering you to completion in the dark sacred night.

So (you corrected yourself, as you watched Kento jog after your daughter at the indoor play centre) motherhood had not altered your turn-ons; it had added to them. Stacking high now, you considered the tower of your adoration was just as likely to be stable, as unstable; its endurance or toppling entirely at Kento's mercy.

The arrival at soft-play was a sensory nightmare-- one of many you could tolerate as a mother when you wouldn't have, before.

Obnoxious children's music blared, cut by screams and shouts and cries and calls and whirls and swirls of kids darting and weaving, watched and unwatched, by helicopters or the disinterested. The cocktail was potent, spiked. Your headache started behind your left eye.

Kento saw you. He was unfairly loaded at his own insistence, with change-bag and snack-bag and car keys and your daughter, planking and chattering, a possessed surfboard beneath his arm.

"Sit down-- have a coffee." Kento rumbled, low and slow, unclipping his watch into your cupped hands as you began to argue. "You've had her all week. You need a break."

"You've been at work all week, Kento, you need a break--"

"Don't argue. You know it's not the same. Sit down. Have a coffee."

He lied to you for your benefit; you could feel the bone-deep weariness of him, surely needing a day of sofa-bound naps over a day of childrearing. Alas; parenthood. And he would continue to take bullets for you, even to his own detriment. You knew this. You had planned ahead for this.

As you peered down at your phone, smiling at an eagerly awaited reply, your daughter piped up, bouncing on little toes, her pigtails bouncing too.

"'lide, daddy. Let's go fast. Faster. Race you."

Kento hummed, smiling. "Slide, you mean?"

"I said it. 'lide." Your daughter moved to dart to the towering play area, a flash of lightning into a maelstrom, and you caught her. Kento was distracted, looking into the swarm of other peoples' children, oddly, as he looked at a swarm of Curses. You whispered into your daughters' ear as Kento slipped his boots off.

"Hey, missus, listen."

Your baby girl perked up, sweet and conspiratorial, goofy-teethed and dimple-cheeked, whispering back.

"What is it, mummy?"

"I've got a surprise for daddy. So don't tell him...come here, mummy needs to whisper."

Lips at an ear; tiny hands clasping over a mouth, fizzlepopping with excitement. A long finger against lips; a little finger against lips. A secret pact.

"Are you ready, young lady? I'll get you in three...two..."

Kento reached down for your daughter, his hands clawed, a wolfish grin on his lips. Your daughter knew what it meant; she shrieked with panicked laughter, bolting. The monster formerly known as 'Daddy' dashed after her.

The coffee was shit; you didn't mind, instead hyperfocused on how Kento and your daughter would dip out of sight into the rainbow maze, only to reappear minutes later, with Kento looking more ravaged each time.

On the first loop round, Kento looked unfazed, unruffled, still clipped in his t-shirt and jeans. You simply admired the sultry half-smile he offered you, and the cling of fabric to his thick biceps, before he swept after your daughter again.

On the fifth loop round, flicks of hair escaped over Kento's forehead, the veins on his arms prominent from throwing and tumbling and monstering. He panted, his muscle so much heavier to carry than your birdlike daughter's personal load. Kento's playful growl, running after your giggling daughter, was deeper; huskier. You squirmed, sipping your shit latte.

On the eleventh loop round, a fine sheen of sweat misted Kento's forehead, a flush dashed on high cheekbones. His broad chest heaved, and he stretched his arms back, cracking his neck from side-to-side, with a groan usually heard only when he exerted himself above you, for less wholesome pleasures.

With furrowed brows, Kento prowled the bottom of the slide, and your daughter shrieked, scrabbling to get away from him as he lunged. Your daughter was bicep-curled up to Kento's face, laughing uproariously at his ferocious tummy-raspberries, before being set free, once more, for the hunt. You could not cope, aching, desperately hoping you had the energy left to sweat for him at the end of the day.

By the twenty-first? twenty-third? twenty-fifth? loop round, Kento jogged to a heavy halt, his shoulder blades taut as he bent double, hands braced against his own knees. You heard him panting, cursing under his breath, one long rusty groan. It was all too much-- Kento needed a break. You were unhinged and unsupervised. Surely there had to be some relief--

"Yo, Mrs.Nanamin! Am I late?"

A vision in peach, Yuuji flopped into the chair opposite you, with hands in his pockets and man-spread with a square-jawed, boyish grin. He stood taller than Kento, now, a full-grown man...but still shrunk beneath Kento's chastisement and lectures.

"Right on time, Yuuji. Are you sure you don't mind? It's all a bit..." You looked into the raucous soft-play, searching for words, "...feral."

Yuuji beamed, ruffling his own hair and kicking his shoes off. "Nah. I was gonna go to the gym anyway, but this seems more fun as workouts go."

You called out to your daughter as she reached the bottom of the slide, and Kento looked up, sweating and exhausted. "Baby! Your big brother's here!"

A gasp of thrill from your daughter, and Kento was all but forgotten by her as she pelted towards Yuuji instead, leaping into his arms. She slapped his scrunched cheeks, aggressively overjoyed.

"Big brother-- big brother-- big brother--"

"Yeah yeah, little sister, little sister-- c'mon squirt, I'm gonna getcha! Hey-- Dad--- uh, Nanamin! Gotta go!"

Kento watched his children run away with dewy eyes, his body still thickened by exercise and heavy breaths. You bit your lip as Kento approached, eyes half-lidded as you drank him in. You watched his Adam's apple bob as he gulped back water and gasped, husky with relief.

"God, I love that boy." Kento rumbled.

You melted to see Yuuji reach the bottom of the slide with your daughter on his lap. "Yeah...me too."

"He's saved my life...three times, now."

You laughed, your eyes dipped, tugging Kento to you by the hem of his t-shirt and beckoning him down with one curled finger.

"Think you'll still have some energy later?" You whispered, your breaths mingling with promise.

Kento's eyes narrowed, glimmering, his nose kissing yours. "For that? Always."

[shegottosayit]

Jopari summoning the birds

[heeroyue]

I'll preface this with we don't know officially at time of writing if she's being stripped of her medal yet. I'm gonna assume you don't know the ins and outs of gymnastics rules and scoring (which can be complicated as hell and have gotten somewhat mixed up the last few days). I will explain to the best of my ability what has happened over the last five days.

So for back story, with Jordan's original score the placements were 3rd Ana Barbosu 13.700, 4th Sabrina Voinea 13.700 (lost a tie break), 5th Jordan Chiles 13.666. However, one of the leaps that Jordan does didn't get credit in her difficulty score (D score). Gymnasts (and their coaches) are allowed to submit an inquiry for D score, time violations, and line violations (out of bounds). Jordan hasn't gotten credit for one of her leaps for the entirety of the games because it's iffy on if she gets the rotation around enough to count (must be withing 30 degrees of complete and if not gets credited as a lower value skill). however in the floor final her coach thought she did it a lot better and so put in an inquiry to raise her D score. The superior jury accepted the inquiry and credited the intended skill raising her score by .1. So now we have the placements of 3rd Jordan Chiles 13.766 USA , 4th Ana Barbosu 13.700 Romania, 5th Sabrina Voinea 13.700 Romania.

Now on to what happened today. The Romanian gymnastics federation brought an appeal to the Court of Arbitration for Sport (CAS) about the final. They contested two things. First, that Voinea had an unearned OoB deduction that cost her the bronze. Second, that the inquiry for Jordan was submitted after the time limit allowed and so shouldn't have been accepted in the first place.

For the first, while Voinea's coach did submit an inquiry during the competition she did so about the D score and not the OoB and the inquiry was denied. Since she didn't take the proper steps to fix the issue and the issue was considered a field of play decision CAS threw that complaint out.

That leaves us at the second, Jordan's inquiry being in too late and should not have been accepted. So in an event final each gymnast has until the next routine is complete to submit an inquiry. routines are 90 seconds. However, Jordan was the last gymnast to perform in the final and the rules say the last gymnast has 60 seconds to inquire. There was apparently video evidence of Jordan's inquiry being submitted at 64 seconds so her inquiry should not have been accepted by the superior jury. CAS ruled that the FIG (International Gymnastics Federation) didn't follow their own rules and wrongly accepted the inquiry. They ruled the inquiry overturned and Jordan's original score reinstated putting her back in 5th. The FIG was required to change the standings and now it goes to them and the IOC as to what to do about medals.

The IOC now has two options. 1) make Jordan give back the medal and give it to Ana. 2) award a second bronze medal. In the past when there's been judging scandals the IOC has gone with awarding 2 medals (thinking figure skating in 2002(?) I think) because the athlete not being at fault. From what wikipedia says (the best list I can find of all medals stripped from athletes) only 11 medals have every been stripped for something other than doping and of those 11 all have been for something the athlete was at fault for (under age, unsportsmanlike like conduct, violating the old amateurism policy, ect.) If they choose to go the medal stripping route this would be the first time (at least that I'm able to find) that an athlete would be stripped of a medal for something not in their control.

From here it's speculation for now as to what will happen. Rumor has it that USA Gymnastics and the Romanian Gymnastics Federation agreed to share the bronze but the FIG and IOC denied the request. However, as of time of writing we don't officially know that to be the case.

Let us all be clear here, none of this is the fault of the athletes, their coaches, or their national federations. The athletes did their best in the competition. The coaches and national federations have every right to advocate and fight for their athletes. The blame here lies solely on judging and the superior jury made up of the Women's Technical Committee.

explain to me like i’m five why taking away jordan chiles medal five days late makes sense

[strigital]

sad news, everyone. no more self checkout sketches 'cause my ass got sacked due to a karen meltdown.

on the upside i'm submitting a complaint to the commission for work-related arguments and also i already have three interviews lined up this weekend because, surprise, cashiers with ~8 years of experience are a hot commodity!

hated this place anyways so fuck it and almost everyone in it (not the cleaning lady tho, she's the wholesomest grandma ever).

also i'm beginning my first internship (in college for now, cause i'm still a freshman) and right after -- the dreaded finals.

as y'all might guess i'm a lil stressed depressed lemon zest 😥😞🍋

[calliesmemes]

EVEN MORE ABSOLUTELY UNHINGED COMEDIC RELIEF

ASSORTED SENTENCE STARTERS FROM AROUND THE INTERNET, including quotes from Tumblr, Pinterest, TikTok, and X (formerly known as Twitter), for when a muse wants to lighten up the situation at hand.

CHANGE gendered words and in-universe phrases as needed.

SPECIFY muse for multimuses.

“   It’s sea shanty time once again my fellow bastards of the ocean! ”

“   Partner, I reckon that I ain’t been feeling very yeehaw lately. ”

“   I don’t study; I consult the lore. ”

“   Yeah, I understand women — they all want daggers and swords. It’s all quite simple, really. ”

“   Lord forgive me but I may have to make a nonessential purchase. ”

“   Those are bold words for someone in stabbing range. ”

“   Yes I’m a gatekeeper and a hater. I’m also God’s most favorite princess and the most interesting girl in the world. ”

“   My primary motivations are fear, spite, and aesthetic longing. ”

“   Man — if I had a sword, I wouldn’t be worried about shit. ”

“   It’s not blood that runs through these veins but glitter gel pen ink. ”

“   If I was in a Jane Austen novel, I would be the one sent to the seaside for my health. ”

“   Half of me is a hopeless romantic, and the other half of me is … well … an asshole. ”

“   I am the nicest, sweetest, most rage-filled person I know. ”

“   I hope I give off the vibe to all animals that I am their ally and their friend. ”

“   I see you’re paying attention to someone who is not me. Why is that? ”

“   Normalize letting me talk without making any sense. ”

“   Don’t care, didn’t ask, plus my psychic visions have predicted the outcome of this encounter. ”

“   I could be so much worse. For example, I could start acting like my father. ”

“   Sorry for acting so strange and irregular; It will happen again. ”

“   i love sitting in my room.....alone....a girl in her cave....scheming and plotting and drinking tea. ”

“   These man made horrors are beyond YOUR comprehension. I get it though. ”

“   I’m a goth girl on the inside. On the outside? A father figure. ”

“   I don’t need to face reality; I’m not just that type of girl. ”

“   DO I LOOK LIKE I GIVE A frickle-frackle? ”

“   I’m about to cha cha real smooth off a fucking cliff. ”

“   Sorry I told you about my trauma. Do you still think I’m hot? ”

“   My priorities aren’t straight and neither am I. ”

“   I have felt permanently guilty for no reason since I was like eight years old. ”

“   Of course I have a lot of pent up rage, you fool! I’ve been the same height since I was twelve years old! ”

“   I was born for shock value. ”

“   Good morning! God has let me live another day and I’m about to make it everyone’s problem. ”

“   Oh, I slept miserably because I was tormented by terrible visions all night. I hope none of them were prophetic! ”

“   Be the surreal nonsense that you want to see in the world. ”

“   Being smart has never stopped me from being a complete fucking idiot. ”

“   My hobbies include knowing things and being right. ”

“   This is good advice, but don’t tell me what to do. ”

“   I hate the idea of authority. What the fuck is someone being superior to me? Bitch I’m gonna take your kneecaps. ”

“   Stop forgiving my crimes! I worked so hard on those! ”

“   My hobbies? Uhhhh, symbolism mostly. Metaphors and implications and the like. ”

“   I may not have any braincells, but I make up for it by having many heart cells. ”

“   I can’t mansplain manipulate manwhore my way out of this one guys! ”

“   Not all your life decisions have to be smart. Some can be purely for cinematic value. ”

“   Sometimes I wish I looked more fragile and feminine like a dainty flower, but I do enjoy looking like I hate everyone. ”

“   Any dream can be a prophetic dream if you’re willing to do some really weird shit. ”

“   girl help there is not enough enrichment in my enclosure. ”

“   BRO, you NEED to stop SUMMONING DEMONS in the FRAT HOUSE. ”

“   I just gave your address to some spiders! ”

“   I disappoint my father as a hobby now. ”

“   I think that the dark circles under my eyes add to my aesthetic actually. ”

“   Good news! I’ve successfully replaced all of my emotions with jokes! ”

“   I have half a braincell left and I’m very scared to use it! ”

“   Listen, son — in this world, it’s either yeet or be yeeted. ”

“   I appreciate the advice, but I think that I’m old enough to make my own bad decisions. ”

“   I’m disappointed in me too. Y’all aren’t special. ”

“   Running from your demons is the best exercise! ”

“   Sorry; I can’t commit any crimes with you. My mom says that I have to study. ”

“   Time flies when you don’t know what the fuck is going on. ”

“   If I run out of tacos, I can no longer maintain my human form. ”

“   Bestie, I don’t think that I can girlboss under these conditions. ”

“   Yeah I’ve had combat training; I can do anxiety attacks! ”

“   Swag is earned, not learned. ”

“   Contrary to popular belief, violence solves a lot. ”

“   I CANNOT STAND YOU ALL so I will SIT DOWN. ”

“   Please God no … I don’t need any more character development right now! ”

“   If you can’t beat ‘em, yeet ‘em. ”

“   Do not put me in a situation. I’m at my limit and I am very tired. ”

“   I may be depressed, but at least I’m not basic. ”

“   It’s MY LIFE and I’ll sabotage it myself, thank you. ”

“   Think twice? Bold of you to assume that I think once. ”

“   At the next inconvenience, I will start biting people. ”

“   Oops I think that I just experienced an emotion. ”

“   Did you know that rats spelled backwards is star? ”

“   One day, I’ll be reincarnated as a pigeon, and I’ll shit on your head. ”

“   On the outside, I’m a baddie — but on the inside, I’m a saddie. ”

“   My grandma bullies me through the Ouija board. ”

“   I’m a cool person if you can just look past my personality. ”

“   Beetles don’t have to do taxes, and I think that is a beautiful way to live. ”

“   I hope that you get your character development arc soon. ”

“   Those are some nice kneecaps … It’d be a shame if someone stole them … ”

“   I’ve wanted to be a trophy wife ever since I was a little boy. ”

“   I’m done being baby; I want POWER ”

“   Wait, “Just Standing There Ominously” doesn’t count as socializing? ”

“   Yes I am smart, and yes, I am stupid. It’s called being flexible. ”

“   I am NOT delusional!!!!! I am OPTIMISTIC! ”

“   I deserve compensation for not being the menace to society that i could be, like i'm skipping out on a lot of fun here. ”

“   Do not ask me if you should or shouldn't do something !!! Before I am a friend I am an enabler !!! ”

“   i am the WORLDS PRETTYIST PINK PRINCESS and im gonna KILL YOU WITH MY HUGE FUCKING HAMMER ”