#the second one is by far my favourite though xD if someone ever falls in love with me please spell it out for me | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

moonctzeny · 4 years ago

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love to hate me

request: celebrity! jaehyun + enemies to lovers + “don’t you want to know how i feel?”

pairing: friends to enemies to lovers! jaehyun x female reader

genre: smut, angst, fluff... this fic has it all folks

word count: 7.514k

warnings: toxic behaviour, public sex, light restraining, jaehyun pulls a ‘white boy punching the wall’ at some point

summary: “You and Jaehyun meet as SM trainees, developing a friendship until he debuts and you deicde to leave the company and pursue a solo career. When you reunite again in a music show and he acts like he barely knows you, you stubbornly begin a series of hate-brimmed sex rendez-vous. Your touch-and-go relationship continues on, until a song collaboration will force you both to deal with all your repressed feelings for each other”

a/n: this is the longest it has ever taken me to finish a fic.. I have a love-hate relationship with this (no pun intended XD). I hope whoever requested this likes it!

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Of-fucking-course you had to bump into him out of all people at the vending machine. All you wanted was a drink to refresh you before you got up on stage, and now you have to deal with Mr. Too Good For This World and his relentless teasing. His eyes, lit up by an amusement that was also evident in his smirk, stayed glued on your body, raking up and down at it for a second too long. Not that you didn’t like it.

“Stare much?”, you bark at him in hopes of snapping him out of his trance, and push through him to punch in the code of your favorite drink. But alas, he always had a comeback ready on the edge of his lips.

“You look ridiculous”, he states and you have to admit that your outfit, though fitting for the Halloween special of today’s music show, was way different than anything else he had ever seen you in. Reincarnated as Dorothy Gale for the night, your stylists had chosen a short, light blue checkered dress, with red stilettos that gave a sexy twist to the character’s ruby slippers. Hair neatly braided in two pigtails, decorated by ribbons and topped off by glittery pink makeup. The image of innocence. Jaehyun had to laugh.

“Says the man dressed up as Woody”

It was unfair, you admitted, how good he looked in that stupid outfit. His hair was gelled back, a few strands framing his handsome face strategically. The yellow shirt fitted him like a glove, its bright colour lighting him up as well. And those jeans, tight in all the right places, just melted over the muscles of his thighs. The ones that you’ve come undone on one too many times.

“So”, he lilts, giving you a once over before lowering both the volume and pitch of his voice, “want a ride?”

You scoff, sparing him an incredulous look, “on what horse, cowboy?”

He doesn’t reply, only points with his eyes to his crotch that is undeniably sporting a visible tent, and you gasp when you see the outline of his dick twitching under your stare.

“Jesus Christ, Jaehyun”, you mutter with a disgusted look on your face before picking up the almost forgotten beverage that the vending machine had barfed out for you. The boy mentioned, however, was unfazed.

“They don’t call me Woody for nothing”

Almost choking at the drink that was supposed to calm you down, you catch his eyes rolling at you through your third cough. Well, that ruins one of your favourite childhood movies. “Don’t pretend to be a prude. Now are we going to fuck before you get on stage of not?”

You can clearly remember the first time you met Jung Jaehyun alone. You always spotted him somewhere in the SM buildings, joking around with his future bandmates, barely ever without company. As a fellow vocal trainee, he introduced himself to you as Yoonoh, filling up the awkward silence while your vocal teacher prepared the music sheets for the both of you to rehearse.

You were thankful the two of you always got paired up together. Jaehyun was charming, easy to be around, funny. He was a model SM trainee with the otherworldly looks he possessed, almost impossible for anyone’s eyes not to follow him when he entered a room. Radiant porcelain skin, soft brown locks, and a dimpled smile that made your heart melt in seconds.

You can also clearly remember the first time you had the privilege of hearing him sing. Jaehyun had a beautiful baritone voice, one that contradicted his flower boy image but matched his manly personality perfectly. The four walls of the small practice room resonated with his sound, that was stable and smooth like honey. The lessons were challenging but Jaehyun made them bearable through spending time with him. Maybe it was your shared struggles, or how you were always tired and vulnerable when you saw him. Maybe it was those damned dimples, but your heart always beat faster when you were around him.

“Sometimes I get discouraged”, he confides in you in that same room, hours later, early into the morning now. The vocal lesson stretched on longer than expected, leaving you two sitting on the floor, sharing a cup of lemon-honey tea to soothe your vocal chords. You let your head rest to the leather couch behind you as you stare into his handsome features one by one. What time was it? Shouldn’t you be back at your dorms by now? It didn’t matter, this was one of those moments when time seems to stop and life seems unreal. When the only thing that you care about is the person standing next to you, and whatever it is they have to tell you.

“I fear that I will never get to debut. There’s handsome guys all over the company. I just don’t know if my skills are enough.”

You thought he was crazy for thinking that way, wanted to scream at him that he’s just perfect and more than enough for the company, or for anything in this world for that matter. But Jaehyun was reserved, the type to always mask his true feelings behind a smile and you were more than glad that he finally opened up to you, that he saw you as someone trustworthy. You didn’t want to dismiss his feelings, so you just pet his hair while you listened to his concerns.

As you mindlessly gaze at the rainy weather outside, a couple of droplets following their own path down the froggy window remind you that time does run by. Even if every day seemed the same, following the same routine, going to the same classes over and over again.

Jaehyun had this sad look that contorted his pretty face and you hated it, reaching up to massage away the wrinkles between his eyebrows. You don’t know which godly creature made the hourglass of time freeze this moment, nor did you know why Jaehyun leaned forward to capture your lips into a kiss. Maybe it was his way of saying thank you for keeping your ears and heart open for him, for listening to him when he needed it most.

It felt so lovely while it lasted, two young people leaning on each other during an uncertainty that anchored them far away from their emotional shoreline. But life as a trainee isn’t a fairytale and falling in love can have serious ramifications. So you promise to each other that this will be a one time thing, and then you never speak of this night ever again.

Unsurprisingly enough, Jaehyun got to successfully debut, yet you didn’t have the same luck. The company had plans of focusing on their new boy group, thus postponing your debut for an uncertain amount of time. It was hard for you to decide to switch labels, to throw away the years of hope and dedication you had pinned on this company but the faith you placed on yourself was stronger.

It’s years later when you finally get to promote as a solo artist in a different company, and you are happy to say that the decision you made all those years ago was the right one. The exposure you got wasn’t the same as being in a Big 3 company, however leaving SM entertainment has its pros. Flexible schedule, less scrutiny, great creative freedom over your work.

This wasn’t the first time you have come across your old trainee buddy. Jaehyun had multiple comebacks in a year, so it was only natural that his group’s and your promotions would sometimes overlap. You were only a rookie, and NCT turned out to become pretty popular, so of course the wins were always tied to their names.

The first time you walked past him in the hallways, dark makeup and professional styling making you both almost unrecognizable, you expected a wave, small talk, maybe some reminiscing of the old times. Instead, you got a cold stare or at best, an arrogant smirk coupled with a “Do better next time”. It was shocking to you how much Yoonoh, the boy with the shy smile and awkward social skills, would turn into such a stranger.

How you always ended up sneaking out with him to have a quickie in one of the ready rooms, was beyond you. He rushed you inside before checking both sides of the hallway, cautious to hide from any curious eyes. The coast was clear and Jaehyun doesn’t like to waste time, so he pins you against the door he just closed behind him, face dipped in your neck. You can feel his fingers dancing on the skin of your thighs, eager to explore what is hidden under your frilly skirt, and their delicacy in contrast to his feverish kisses sends a shiver down your spine.

One pretty whine from your lips, then two, three and you can feel Jaehyun smile deviously against your neck. The softness is too enticing for him to resist, so he nips at it skillfully, trying to get a reaction out of you. He recognizes that you have plenty of talent as a singer, yet the symphonies you sing out for him in those little sessions seem to be his favorite.

“Jaehyun, cut it out. I’m going on stage in like, 20 minutes”

“Turn me on then”

Wasn’t he the one that basically flashed you in the middle of the cafeteria for just existing? Isn’t it his hard on that digs against your lower stomach? The demand made you mad, and you wanted nothing more than to entice him with a nice blowjob, only to take a big, strong bite off that cock of his. But see, you had a full face of makeup on and your career is way more important than a fuckboy, so you’ll have to get creative.

Flipping him around so that he’s the one trapped between you and the door, you start to suck on his collarbones , then nibble at the tender flesh. He seems distracted enough by it so that you open the button of his jeans and fully remove his belt from their loops with no objections. Palming him over his boxers to keep him entranced, you manage to bring his wrists together, wrapping the leather around them, then lastly fastening them in place.

His eyes widen in shock when he realizes that he’s too late, wiggling his hands in a futile attempt to free himself. Your laugh is sadistic, making the hairs on his arms stand on edge and you gloat in the effect you have on him.

Giving your palm a good lick, you form a ring with your fingers, wrapping them around the base of his member. He hisses and drops his head back, thudding loudly against the wall. His cock enlarges and reddens as you move your hand up and down, changing the pressure according to his reactions. Jaehyun isn’t one to express himself freely but there is not much he can do to stop the low moans leaving his lips. Not when you rub circles over his tip with the soft skin of your palm.

He looks so fucking good, all squirmy and desperate and trying to hold himself from saying ‘please’. You almost want to keep going, squeeze him more until he whines and begs to cum, and admire the white beads dripping from his slit and covering your hand. Almost.

You halt your movements with a last strong stroke, crossing your arms over your chest as you stare back at him. Jaehyun tentatively opens one eye to see why you have stopped, only to come across that bratty smile that he loves as much as he hates.

“You should have dressed up as a siren. Seducing people before they realize you are a man eating bitch”

“If you want someone to jerk you off you can go ask one of your little fangirls. I want to get fucked.”

“Let me go then. And you’ll wish you never did”

You scoff at his cockiness, nonchalantly freeing him from his constraints, and the way he immediately has a hold of your jaw reminds you of a predator eyeing its prey. His eyes have a crazy look in them, moving frantically over every part of your body like he can’t decide what to grab onto first. He decides on your hips, bending you over a table full of snacks and makeup tools and flyers of today’s schedule.

“You think it’s funny to tease me like that?”, he asks you with a peremptory voice that signifies you’d better shut up.

You hear shuffling behind you and assume it’s him slipping on a condom, so you make yourself more comfortable on the wooden surface. A hard slap on your ass jolts you alert.

“I asked you a fucking question”, Jaehyun presses brusquely and flips your skirt fully over your ass, pulling your panties down until they’re bunched up right over your knees.

“It’s fun”, you moan out, breathless both from the pleasure and the stinging feeling on your right cheek, “What are you gonna do about it?”

Was the room occupied by one of the artists that have already been on stage? Or will they barge in at any moment to find you bent over and pussy dripping for Jaehyun to finally dive inside you? He chuckled at the sight of you, eyes feasting off your naked body, your ass up just the way he likes it. Not so innocent anymore, huh?

He doesn’t reply to you, aligning himself against your slit and bottoming out in one go instead. Involuntarily, you let out a small screech, the sudden stretch catching you off guard.

“You better stay quiet, siren. Or maybe you would like it if people found us like this? Saw how good you take my cock whenever I ask”

You wanted to bite back at him, but the only sound you could make was a guttural moan. It was embarrassingly loud, and you fall forward to bite your fist and force yourself to shut up. It was effective, yet Jaehyun had other plans for you, pulling your pigtails towards him in a strong grip that has you against his chest in seconds.

“Nuh, uh, uh, siren”, he hums in your ear, his panting making his voice sound huskier and smokier than ever, “How about trying to stay quiet by using your willpower alone? That way it’s more- how did you call it? Fun.”

He slows down his pace momentarily, as if he’s giving you time to answer him. But the moment you open your mouth to talk back at him, he thrusts particularly hard inside you, forcing a whimper out of your lips.

“Fuck you, Jaehyun”

“As you wish”

Jaehyun was conceited and cocky and a dick, but he was also a good fuck. He kept at it with what seemed like all the energy in the world, fucking you against that table until you came all over him, and your legs gave out. It ended how it always did, with him moaning how fucking sexy you look and how much he hates you, and you swallowing your pride as you swallow his cum. You’d tell each other to fuck off and never bother the other again, until you meet up at the next comeback, to do this shit all over again.

And that’s how things would stay if it wasn’t for that goddamn phone call from your manager.

“...so we thought what better way to promote your new song by recording a duet with NCT’s Jaehyun?”

No, no, no this can’t be happening. No way. Anyone but him.

“Are you sure this is the only way we can promote me? Can’t I just go to variety programs like every other idol out there?”

“y/n, duets by different group members are one of the most efficient methods of promoting there is! And with NCT’s latest song topping the charts this will be a great opportunity for you. Taemin and Sunmi did it. Suzy and Baekhyun, Chanyeol and Punch-“

“Alright, okay, I get it”

“Besides, since you used to be an SM trainee they specifically asked for you. The directors made some pretty big compliments on your work”

Isn’t it a little too late now? Not like they didn’t have the chance to debut you, right? That being said, there isn’t much to oppose to decline SM’s offer; your manager is right and you know it. Saying no to Lee Sooman and giving up a popularity push like that is basically career suicide. Nor could you let your manager know about your and Jaehyun’s little adventures, minutes before you have to go on stage.

“Just send me the schedule. I don’t have to record with him, right?”

“Oh no, they’ll record his part first and then they’ll send it to us. But there will be a music video of course”

Oh for fuck’s sake.

There was this little monster of worriedness that was screaming inside your head, refusing to shut up. This collaboration isn’t going to be easy, but you didn’t want to let Jaehyun’s pettiness get in the way of your career. Fumbling with your phone in your hands, you kept removing and reinserting its case compulsively, over and over again, until you mustered the courage to take matters into your own hands.You knew his number was buried somewhere in your contacts.

you [16:35]: hey it’s me, y/n

Jung Yoonoh [16:50]: y/n who??

you [16:55]: y/n y/l/n? the girl whose guts you were inside in last week? we have a song coming up 😒

Jung Yoonoh [16:57]: oh y/n right

Jung Yoonoh [16:58]: thought you’d have deleted my number

Well you sure have deleted mine, you murmur with your blood boiling, regretting reaching out to him in the first place.

you [16:59]: i always hoard peoples contacts

you [17:00]: old habits die hard i guess

Jung Yoonoh [17:00]: like the habit of me being inside your guts?

You gasp out after reading his last message, hands awkwardly juggling your phone until you’ve forced yourself to calm down. After waiting for a while, until your face has reached its previous temperature, you feel focused again, and type out your original intentions for this conversation.

you [17:05]: this isn’t what i texted you about.

you [17:07]: we have this project coming up and while I know we aren’t exactly on the best terms, this comeback is very important for me

you [17:08]: and i don’t want to fuck it up

Jung Yoonoh [17:10]: kitty cat, relax. maybe this is a brand new word for you but i know what professionalism is

you [17:10]: don’t you ever and i mean ever call me that again

you [17:11]: glad to see we are on the same page

You didn’t expect a message back, nor did you get one. All you could do from now on, was pray that the promotions would go smoothly and Jaehyun wouldn’t do anything stupid that would jeopardize your collaboration.

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And the day you dreaded finally came. The first day of filming for the music video.

You had already finished recording the song, a bittersweet balad about two lovers who lost their way, only for their paths to cross again. When you listened to the demo for the first time, it only took three notes from Jaehyun’s pre-recorded verse to spread goosebumps on your skin. His voice was deeper and even more developed than you remember. Long forgotten memories, shoved deep inside your brain so as not to leave a bitter aftertaste in your mouth, came flooding up again. But things have changed since then.

The sky was crying rain and lightning, fitting to the storm inside your head. Normally you'd be excited to film a music video, bubbling with energy and unable to contain a smile. Today, all you could do was let your teeth abuse the cuticles of your left thumb, until little drops of blood ruined the fresh manicure you got for the shoot.

Following your manager inside the studio, you take a quick glance at all the props the creative directors have prepared. They were very intricate, filled with all different types of flowers everywhere. Some of the fake rooms looked like classrooms, two others were decorated like teenage bedrooms. It was a lot more than you have anticipated.

“The song will be part of a drama OST, that’s why the budget is higher than usual”, your manager tells you as if he was reading your mind.

He leads you to the changing room, where you try on different outfits your stylist has chosen for you, while simultaneously being briefed on the concept of the music video. It’s kinda cheesy and cute, with you and Jaehyun posing as high-school students falling in love. Certain scenes of the drama, whose plot matches the music video’s, will intercept in between.

You’re seated on the makeup chair, sunk in the uneasiness caused by your co-star. Jaehyun had arrived a few minutes after you, his bare face more handsome than you’ve ever looked in your most glamorous state and you can’t help but stare at him. He is all polite smiles and bows to the staff, and even gives you a formal greeting.

You’re not sure why you just can’t bring yourself to stop your legs from shaking as the makeup artist patiently tries to apply a rosy blush on your cheekbones. It’s like you’re scared that everyone will see right through the both of you, somehow enter your brain and find out that you’re replaying your last encounter with Jaehyun in the music show’s waiting room in your head. As you try to read through his expression, to see if he’s nearly as nervous as you are, you defeatedly can’t decode what’s going on inside his head. Not like you ever could.

You glance at both you and Jaehyun through the mirror, admiring the youthful makeup. Blushy cheeks and innocent eyes of two teenagers in love, masking the raw lust between two nemesi. It couldn’t stray any further from the truth.

A staff member leads both you and Jaehyun (who is refusing to spare even one look your way) back to the main set. The director is passionately explaining what he wants to see from you in your first scene, but you can barely focus with Jaehyun’s eyes burning holes through your school girl outfit. You block him out and walk inside the ‘classroom’, spotting the cameras and sitting on your designated seat, while you wait for your signal to start.

Of course, you had acted before. Yes, you had expected for the director to ask you for some more intimate moments with your co-star. But when Jaehyun passed you a “love note” from the desk in front of you, looking all blushy and shy and with his dimples showing, you felt that the role of crushing schoolgirl became a little too easy for you to act out.

And maybe, just maybe he was feeling the same way too. He looked pretty flustered when he saw you dancing across class, shifting restlessly in his seat when you bent forward to tie your shoelaces. Whether you did it on purpose or not, was a question your ego didn’t allow you to answer truthfully.

Most of the individual shots would be handled at a different shoot, so all you had to do was get over this one day with him. That’s what you repeated yourself over and over again. And you did pretty well, smiling charmingly at the camera, with the director praising you for your “innocent look”. You didn’t miss the scoff slipping from Jaehyun’s lips but you were good at ignoring it, focusing on getting through the different scenes in one-shot.

You were currently leaning your body against the wall, playing with your hair while Jaehyun glances down at you, like a boy that is ready to confess to his first love.

“y/n, I need you to give me something more shy, more bashful”, the director yells eagerly, but you can barely hear him, too focused on regulating your breathing. The look your co-star is giving you right now might seem loving and pure to the staff, but you know all too well the motives hidden behind his facade. It’s the calm before the storm, the silence he purposefully keeps to make you squirm, right before he whispers the most sinful propositions in your ears.

Reading him like an open book, you stand still as he leans closer, just enough so that no one besides you get to hear his words.

“Come on y/n, can’t you act bashful? Or is it impossible for you to get embarrassed after getting fucked against the window of a TV station’s building?”

Clearing your throat, you’re suddenly hyper aware of every single sound and movement in the room. Suffocating, even in the light clothes you were wearing, and desperately trying to mute out his words that bring you back to the day he was repenting.

“When you were pressed up against that glass, moaning my name, all exposed for anyone that simply looked up to see, you weren’t too shy, were you?”

You raise your palm to wipe a bead of sweat that has collected on your temple, and breathe deeply through your nose, as if a good pump of oxygen would cool off the sudden heat between your legs.

“Shut up Jaehyun”, you simply hiss through your front teeth, but he isn’t done yet.

“You know I can’t hold myself when I see you in skirts. So pretty. And you love to tease me in them too, I’ve noticed. Flashing me again and again until you get to suckle on my dick”

You were sure his voice was barely louder than a whisper, but the thought of anyone accidentally prying into your conversation had your whole body raising in temperature. The heat didn’t take long to reach your cheeks and you couldn’t remember the last time your legs felt like jelly, as they do now.

“Perfect y/n, that’s exactly what I’m looking for!”

You blinked back at Jaehyun a couple times, your mind trying to process that the director is cheering you on instead of scolding you to focus. The trembling hands, the fast-paced heartbeat, your big doe eyes. Though involuntarily, you had nailed the scene.

“You’re welcome”, Jaehyun mouths at you just as the staff announces a break. He scurries off to his dressing room without a word, as if he hadn’t just spewed his dirtiest of thoughts on set. It was almost as if he was daring you to follow him, but it’s not like he had left you a choice. You were fuming.

“Jaehyun”, you called out to him strictly but he didn’t acknowledge you, only walked further inside the small room with his name written neatly on the door. He was removing some of the heavier jewellery, rubbing the red lines they had left on his neck and wrist, momentarily catching your eyes on the mirror's reflection. They were misty, unreadable, and with how unpredictable you knew he could be, you decided to close the door behind you.

“Closing the door?”, he muses and in just a few long strides he has managed to trap you between his body and the wooden surface. It is reminiscent of your last meeting at the music show, and the memory of you tying him up doesn’t help with the organizing of your thoughts. “What are you planning on doing to me in here?”

You point one finger against his chest, not enough to create any real distance between you, but it comforts you nonetheless.

“What the fuck was that out there? What happened to professionalism?”

“Relax, kitty cat. I was just helping you act better”. His eyes stayed glued on your hips, once again making you all wound up and jumpy under his stare, “And it worked. You should be thanking me”

“I. Told. You.”, you started, tapping your finger on his sternum to emphasize each word, “Never call me that again. Today’s already hard as it is, why do you have to make it harder?”

He takes one more step towards you, his chest now touching yours and your hand that separated you lands involuntarily on his right peck. As if his presence wasn’t overwhelming enough, you feel a hardness pressing against your thigh, and for a moment you worry he can feel how wet you really are under your skirt. His voice is a low, a deep rumble.

“I don’t know. Why do you have to make everything so hard?”

“You are unbelievable”, you scowl at him and free yourself from his trap. You turn to the big mirror to avoid looking at him anymore, and you come to the embarrassing realization of how fucked out you look right now. You had to get out of there as soon as possible, before you do anything stupid and lose any trace of self control left in you. But not before you gave Jaehyun an earful.

“What I meant was that I am out there, being paid to be all lovey-dovey with you. This is not something easy for me you know. It’s basically prostitution.”

You catch Jaehyun’s eyes in his reflection, and for a fleeting moment they turn a colour that you hadn’t seen them in for a long time. Hurt? Disappointment? Whatever it was, it was gone in a second, replaced by that smile that made him both irresistibly smackable and fuckable at the same time.

“Did it cross your tiny brain that maybe someone could hear you? Staff leaks information all the time! If they found out we were fucking…”

“Were? Past tense?”

“Are. Will be. Whatever.” You sigh, defeated, hiding your eyes with your palms as you face him once again. “Like I said, this is important to me. So no more dirty talk on set. Okay?”

Jaehyun avoided your glance, from embarrassment or uninterest maybe. “Okay”

You continue to sit there silently, but your head is so occupied with a million thoughts that you don’t notice. How you will get through the rest of the shooting, whether your manager is looking for you or not, the coldness of the glass Jaehyun had pressed you against that day. The only thing that snapped you out of it, was him suddenly taking off his shirt.

“What are you doing?”, you ask panicking, but you can’t dismiss the pool of excitement in your belly.

“We have a wardrobe change after the break, remember? And since you refuse to leave my changing room..”

You clear your throat, trying your hardest to rip your eyes away from his abdomen, that you’ve so keenly marked with love bites before. His naked skin must have monopolized your attention way more than you realized, as you can’t remember when he slithered his way closer to you, towering over your height.

“Stare much?”, he almost growls, arousal dripping from his voice.

Every fiber of your being wanted to lurch forward, glide your fingers through his hair and start nibbling at those pretty lips of his. The sexual tension, amplified by the argument you just had, was filling the room like a thick liquid would fill a cup. One more drop, one more second of his staring and it would overflow. It felt so real, that you could feel that drop landing on your forehead. Then another one on your cheek, and that’s when you realized that what you felt was real.

“What the-?”, Jaehyun mumbles as he stares up at the ceiling, a big wet spot staining it and allowing the water drops to slowly wet his styled locks. As you start to put two and two together, someone knocks loudly on the door, making you both jump one feet away from the other.

“Get undressed”, a high-pitched male voice that you recognize as Jaehyun’s manager calls through the door, “the rain is ruining the set. It’s a wrap for today”

———————————————————————

A soft touch on your lower back, an even softer breath making your ears tingle. A tentative kiss on your neck that’s full of purpose and makes you shiver.

And then another touch, this time more south on your body. Fingertips grazing over your sensitive clit. Easily moving through your wetness and finally dipping inside of you. That baritone voice.

“This pussy is mine, isn’t it, kitty cat?”

You look up to meet the face of the familiar voice, only to meet Jaehyun’s baby brown eyes. The pleasure was enough to make you ignore the despised nickname, flowing intensely through your body. You let out a desperate moan, gripping his arms to keep your balance. His fingers are now dragging through your walls and you clench around them instinctively, confused but enamored by his touch. You are falling apart.

“Jaehyun? What are you doing?”

“I want to make love to you”

“Love? But you hate me”

He plants another kiss on the slope of your neck, his hands picking up in pace and making you feel like you’re floating on air.

“Love. Hate. Is there really any difference when I’m here, ready to please you? Willing to make you feel things you have never felt before?”

“You already do”, you admit, only seconds away from your orgasm. The bliss is so close you can almost taste it, but for now you choose to taste his lips. They are so soft and warm that you realize you haven’t kissed Jaehyun since that night at the practice room. How you miss him. Not the group visual, not the idol, not even Jaehyun. Yoonoh.

“Yoonoh”, you moan out against his lips as the pleasure overtakes you, a low buzz humming in your ears, “mmm yes, Yoonoh”

“Who the fuck is Yoonoh?”

You finally wake up, your manager shaking you awake being the first thing you see. The sun’s morning rays are peeking through your blinds, warming your skin in lines. Your phone’s ignored alarm clock is still buzzing on top of your nightstand.

“No one. I’m awake, thanks”

Fuck. That makes it what? The fourth night in a row you dreamt about him?

“Get, up. Quickly. We’re late”

You groaned at the banging of your head that was caused by you getting up so fast. It was early into the morning, as you had to get ready for the mv’s second shooting day. The heavy rainfall wouldn’t allow for the filming to continue for another week, yet aided your growing anxiety of having to encounter Yoon- Jaehyun again.

You felt a little stupid, like a kid that goes to middle school for the first time, anxious but full of butterflies in your stomach in the thought of seeing him again. You weren’t sure who the anger, that came with the inability to control the fresh feelings bubbling from your dream, should be directed at. Your manager for booking you this job? Jaehyun for making it his goal to have you dripping wet on set? You, for letting it all affect you so much?

You decide on the former, giving your poor manager the cold shower for forcing you to deal with the problems you’ve caused yourself. Checking your phone, you realise that you are, indeed, late, and wonder how quick you’re going to have to make your morning shower.

“Is Jaehyun and his team there already?”, you ask your manager as nonchalantly as you could, feigning mildly interested in his answer.

“Oh, they didn’t tell you? The other team asked for the shootings to continue separately”. You felt your stomach drop all the way down to your condo’s basement. And the icing on the cake: “Jung Jaehyun’s request”

Maybe your manager wasn’t as clueless to your electricity, or maybe it was your sudden impulse to pluck every loose thread of the pyjama top you were wearing that made him sense the discomfort following what he’d just said. He plops next to you on your bed, boards creaking in the silent room and you feel his rough hands patting you on the back.

“I’m sure he had an overlap in schedules and needed a break, nothing to do with you”

But you knew better, and you knew your palms wouldn’t stop itching unless you picked up your fucking phone and sent him a message.

you [06:30]: i heard you can’t make it to set today. everything ok?

You wish you never did. The radio silence from his number was way worse than any insult, any form of teasing he could give you on set. You even tried calling him, desperate for an answer, a closure even. Maybe he was busy. Maybe the shooting took longer than expected. Maybe he wasn’t avoiding you; one of his managers uploaded his latest story on his instagram, not him. Maybe at the end of the week he would get back to you.

------------------------------------------------------

Going to his dorm unannounced was not a good idea. Waiting for someone to open the door for you, you hope his members will recognise you from your trainee days, or those rare nights Jaehyun sneaked you in when you were both lonely and in need of a… well, whatever you two were.

You’re starting to worry that whoever saw you from the peephole thought you were a sasaeng and called security, when Mark opens the door. His eyes are wide open behind his glasses, clearly not expecting you and immediately yelling for his ‘Jaehyun hyung’.

Soon, the called male arrives at the apartment’s entrance, annoyed for being interrupted from whatever it was he was doing. “What is it, me and Jungwoo are watching the season fina-“

As if Mark suddenly turned invisible, Jaehyun walks right past him, grabbing you by the wrist and dragging you to his room without another word.

Jungwoo, engrossed with the aforementioned show’s season finale on his computer screen, tries to cover up his naked torso in panic when he notices you.

“Get out.”, Jaehyun orders him, and the younger man knows that his tone is not one to be argued with. It triggers the cold sweat that makes your clothes stick closer to your skin and forces your heartbeat to quicken, pumping blood all over your body. The door closes, leaving you both alone with only the sound of Jungwoo’s laptop still playing in the background. A lighthearted scene that is too oxymoronic against the tension that is just palpable at this point. What the hell were you thinking coming here?

“What the hell were you thinking coming here?”, Jaehyun speaks your thoughts out loud, and you wince at how empty your head is with excuses.

“Are you ignoring me?”

“What?”, he asks dumbly, hoping you would avoid asking again.

“Was it that hard to text me back? Am I such a waste of your time?”

Jaehyun seems angry at your confrontation, his bad mood escalating with every word that is leaving your mouth. He still avoids to look at you, toying with some plushies and decorations next to his bedpost. You realize you never had time to really notice them, barely recognizing them. You always entered the room blindly, pressed up against Jaehyun’s body and with his lips all over your neck, then left as soon as the sex was over. His apathy was infuriating.

One by one, you start to remove all of your outerwear, dropping your clothes on the floor until you’re left in only your bra and jeans. Jaehyun stares at you incredulously, then at the pile of clothes on the floor, unable to make out the reasoning behind your impromptu stripping.

“What are you doing?”

“Getting naked. Seems to be the only time you can actually pay attention to me.”

You reach for the buttons of your jeans, only able to unzip it halfway before Jaehyun has you pinned against the wall behind you, his fingers cool and pressing lightly against your neck.

“I-I fucking hate you!”, he cries, punching the surface to release some of the steam, and lets go of the hold on your neck almost completely. How tempted he is, to just fuck your right against that wall, pour out his anger by pouring out his cum inside you, then ignore each other like you always do.

It’s the easy thing to do, keeping the toxic circle going. All barking and fucking and no real problem gets resolved in the end. He wouldn’t even call a cab for you, preferring to be hated for something he wasn’t than to be rejected for showing the real him. You would still have no idea about his feelings towards you, going around saying how awful he was while asking for a round two. But Jaehyun was tired.

“Can’t you tell that I am trying to distance myself from you?”, he sighs and it’s the first time you’ve ever heard him sound so emotionally exhausted.

“Why do you dislike me so much? We used to be friends and then one day you-“

“Friends? Just friends?”, he interrupts you with a chuckle and a sarcastic puff through his nose, and you shake your head.

“If you also think that what we had was more special than a common friendship then why act like you don’t know me?”

“You were the one who wanted to ‘forget about anything happening and never telling a soul about it’, remember?”

“I thought we came to a mutual agreement! I was just trying to save our careers and it worked Jaehyun, you got to debut and I-“

“And you just threw away everything we had like it was the easiest thing to do! Do you ever want to know how I feel, y/n? First you want nothing to do with me, left the company without even saying goodbye. Then I try to forget about you, become an asshole to keep you out of my life and suddenly you want to jump my bones. One day you just play blind to everything, asking for professionalism and now I’m the one ignoring you? What the fuck do you want? A fuck buddy? A professional? A friend?”

“I want you, Yoonoh. Fuck, I just want you”

You’re not sure which one of you initiates the kiss. His lips are as plump and kissed as hard as you recalled, a couple of tears staining your cheeks that you didn’t realize you were holding back. It felt so right, the way his head pushed and pulled away from yours, always inviting you back to him. One hand was situated over the dimples of your waist, the other lost between your hair, untangling it gently. You decided to lay yours over his heart, feeling its tempo and calming yourself down.

You kiss for what seems like an eternity, so drunk in bliss that you can’t remember how you made it through life without Jaehyun’s taste all over your tongue. When he pulls away from your lips, you almost whine, but his fingertips dabbing at the soft skin of your cheeks feel just as comforting.

“I don’t want us to be like this anymore”, you whisper to him and he nods encouragingly, holding you even closer. “I’m sorry for not reaching out to you all these years ago, I just thought ‘What would a brand new idol want to do with a failed trainee like me’-“

Jaehyun brings your fingers to his lips, kissing all your knuckles one by one and you think you’re gonna burst at the seams. “You weren’t a failure, you were the best thing to happen to me back then”. His voice is so sincere that you don’t dare question the veracity of what he’s saying and you let him continue. “When I saw you again I was so bitter, I decided to turn off my feelings. I think I get too comfortable in that role. I put it on for me, my members, my fans even”, he stops then, laughing sadly, “it’s how I finally got you”

It was your turn to open up his eyes to the truth, holding his face between your hands and admiring its beauty.

“That’s not true. I kept staying because I knew what was hidden behind all that armor. I guess, the sex was the only way to get closer to you”

“Not because I’m good?”, he jokes, wiggling his eyebrows and you can feel his dimples forming under your fingers.

“Eh, you’re pretty good too”

He starts pecking your neck, his smile obvious in his kisses and you squeal when he lifts you to his bed. Bouncing on the hard mattress, you let him lay his body weight over yours as he gives you a million traces of his love.

“So, I’m guessing this means we start over?”, he asks reluctantly as he emerges from your half naked body and you hold back from cooing at him.

“I thought you loved to hate me?”

“I think I hate it, but I love you”

#neosmutcollective #Jaehyun #jung jaehyun #jaehyun smut #nct smut #jaehyun imagines #jaehyun scenarios #jaehyun angst #nct scenarios #nct 127 #nct angst #jaehyun fluff #nct

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hacked-by-jake · 3 years ago

Text

Hey Ho! :D

You will always find this post in my blog description.🥰

(Well, since there’s not really much information about me, here’s a post of things you’ve been interested in and some facts about me.)

(Thanks to the Anon for the motivation to do this here! <3)

-----

So, Hi! You can call me HBJ! I don’t want to mention my real name and age here. 😁

I started publishing my fanfictions here on Tumblr a little over a year ago and haven’t left since. xD

My mother tongue is not English, I am from Germany. So if you find some mistakes, please excuse it, I’m doing my best and still learning. <3

I honestly have no idea what to write here so, have fun, if anyone reads through this here. 😂 At least that’s a little bit of me. :D

>The Ask Box is always open. So feel free to ask a question if you are interested (but I want to warn you, I am not answering everything, but I will let you know in this case) < <3

-------------------------------------------

Let's start! ❤️🌹🎭

-------------------------------------------

First of all 10 Random Facts about me. This was asked by an anon. Here is the original post.

I’m a giant nerd, there’s no place in my room that’s not full of merchandise.

I prefer to read stories that are self-published, for example here on Tumblr or on other sites, rather than real books.

I have a problem with jackets, I have tons of them.

I usually dye my hair according to the colors of characters I like.It all started with green/purple - because of the Joker. And the last color I have at the moment is all green because of Joker / Loki from Marvel (Oups)

Almost all tattoos I have are about fictional characters (also Oups)

No one, really nobody knows what books/stories I read because that’s something very private to me.

I listen to music 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Also, it’s hard for me / I don’t like to talk about the music I listen to because this is very intimate for me for some reason.

When I watch a series, it’s at least 2 times behind each other, sometimes more often. But never just once.

Films that I watch for the first time and that excite me, I watch every second that I have time. When the movie is over, I start again unless there are several parts. But then I always watch my favorite one 500 times.

-----

Random questions from you.

(Asked by @procrastinatingrobin) -One place that you'd like to travel at least once in your life?

---- One of my biggest wishes is (what a cliché xD) New York. For example the “Joker Stairs”, which is one of my biggest dreams. *-*

I would love to travel to a lot of locations from my favorite movies/series.🤭

America in general is a dream for me (a German potato 😂😅).

But there are so many beautiful places to which I want to go. For example, I would love to travel to Tenerife. I know someone who lives there and every time I see pictures I get very jealous. xD

Unfortunately, I’m incredibly afraid of flying, so if that doesn’t improve, I’ll never get anywhere near these places.😫😂😂

---

(Asked by Anon) How many tattoos do you have?😄

I love tattoo questions. 😂🤭At the moment I have eleven tattoos🥰

---

(Asked by Anon) -What's your favorite animal?

Hmmm I don’t really know, I think they are dogs because I have a dog now. *-* But to be honest, turtles are so cool.🤔 My brother has a turtle named: Schiggy (based on Pokémon)🤭

---

(Asked by Anon) -The stupidest thing that ever happened to you?

Ohhh hahaha there I have something good!😅Story Time with Hbj xD

Okay: As some might know, I’m a big fan of The Joker by DC.🃏Well, in 2019, the Joker movie with Joaquin Phoenix came to the cinemas and I was at the cinema premiere with my best friend. And the movie was absolutely amazing. I really wanted to watch the movie again..Aaaaand I was lucky because my best friend’s boyfriend also wanted to see the movie in the cinema so I went back to the cinema 5 days later to watch the movie again. I was so excited and so extremely happy that I trembled and could not stand still. xD And for these two reasons, I accidentally dropped my not really old phone. It just fell straight down on the stones in front of the cinema and the display was completely broken..Well, what can I say? I needed a new one.. 😂😅But the movie was still fantastic!😍🤭This is actually one of the stupidest things that ever happened to me. xD

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(Asked by @kyras-things) What are the little things that make your day happiest?

Oh that’s a really nice question! *-*Well, I have really little things that can make me happy. :)-It is enough for me when I wake up tomorrow and see my merchandise shelf😅 (This is right in front of my bed)This is for most something really small but for me really great and makes me happy. <3Other things are music, stroking my dog, messages on my phone, my hair color, my tattoos, when the sun is shining in the morning, coffee, riding longboard and of course (yes this is my absolute serious and not only so therefore said) tumblr and thus at the same time Duskwood. 💕I think these are the most important things. 🤭All I need is to see something that matters to me.😅🥰

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(Asked by @leetjep) Seriously....Do you ever sleep?

Very rarely😂 Last time I slept was in fall.😂

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(Asked by Anon) Ios or android?

Only related to the phone: Android.Yes, I stand by it!😂

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(Asked by @booklover-01040) Hello!I was wondering have you got any paranormal or creepy experiences? If no, then a nightmare that you will never forget.

Hey Ho! In fact, I haven’t experienced any paranormal things. Which is probably also because I don’t believe in that and I’ve found a rational cause for everything so far. (Important: I don’t believe in it, but I don’t say it doesn’t exist, I don’t want anyone to feel attacked)

And a nightmare I’ll never forget? In fact, I can’t think of any one. There’s a dream I’ve have since I was a kid: It’s about two little wolves trying to eat me. xD And I can even tell where that came from.

The movie to blame for this is: Twilight xD

Yep… When I first watched this movie, I was way too young, and as a child I was always very anxious. Just such things and horror movies in general were terrible for me (today it is actually no longer so) (Even the dream is no longer bad today and yet it has a bitter aftertaste of childhood.)

In any case, I was much too young and that did not let me go back then. xD But a really unsettling dream I had was: Well.. Do you know the Pink Panther? 😂

I once dreamed that the Panther “chased” me through an endless long corridor. It was an endless corridor in pink with countless doors. He sang the theme song and threw clocks at me…😅 And that went on all night until I woke up.

(This, by the way, had a trigger too. A German song (the rapper only took the melody of the title music and wrote his own lyrics. The text isn’t really cool though and that’s the reason)

----

(Asked by @dreamer-writer-fangirl) What color is your hair?

Well, at the moment my hair is green🤭

Check HERE and HERE for pictures.

----

(Asked by Anon) Is your brother younger or older than you?🤗

My brother is older than me.🥰

----

(Asked by Anon) Do you have a nickname?

Yes, actually I have one. I can even say it because it has nothing to do with my real name. :D But please don’t laugh at me. 😂Well, I have the loving nickname: Little Onion. yep…My mom gave me that name for some reasons. 😂

----

(Asked by Anon) some information about your dancing?😄 you mentioned it a few days ago💃

Yeah, well, I danced for 13 years, in different groups, also several groups at the same time. :D It was the hip hop/breakdance direction. But at some point I stopped because I didn’t enjoy it in the groups anymore and time was getting tighter. :/ Unfortunately, there was and is no real other groups here, which is why I stopped completely and now only dance for myself and just for fun.🤭

(Asked by Anon) What's your favourite food ?

Uhhhm, I think everything with pasta is my favorite food.😂 I can eat noodles all day. 🤭🍝🍜Well, and of course, Pizza!🍕Pizza is adorable. 😂

----

(Asked by Anon) What type of video games do you like to play?

I don’t really have a favorite type / genre, I don’t play video games that often. I’m actually playing what looks exciting to me without any particular genre or type. 😁🤭

But if I do, I guess I’m the most Nintendo type. So most of the games I play are related to Nintendo. <3

(Asked by @mirajane01040-duskwoodmemes) Do you play... Minecraft?

I used to play a lot of Minecraft, but nowadays not so much, and if so, then only the mobile version. This is fun for in between and dispels the boredom. I even started building Duskwood several times, but never finished it. xD Well, yes, sometimes I play Minecraft.

Answer a few days later: Yes, I do!

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(Asked by Anon) If you could be a fictional character, who would it be and why?

Oh, there are a few. xDBut the three main characters for me: Evey Hammond because of V for Vendetta. Harley Quinn because of The Joker. And, of course, my MC because of Jake. 🤭I know, very superficial reasons but I hope they are enough for you, because these are the main reasons xD 😅🤭

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(Asked by Anon) Hey hbj i'm curiousFamily or a career? 😋

I choose the career.🤭 After that, there is still enough time, and who says that not both work?😉

---

(Asked by Anon) do you like alcohol?🍷

No, absolutely no. Not a little bit.

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(Asked by Anon) What is your favorite drink?

If I don’t drink coffee, I only drink sparkling water, my entire life. I very rarely drink something different. Water for life! 🧊

---------------------

Either/or questions from you.

(Asked by @duskwood-legacies) -What would you rather see, Northern Lights or sky lanterns?

That’s easy for me🤭 Northern Lights! If you ask me.. that is magical! *-* (Well, unless it’s like “Tangled” and I get a Flynn Rider.. then sky lanterns xD)

---

(Asked by @duskwood-legacies) -Strawberries or raspberries?

Definitely: Strawberries🍓 *-*

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(Asked by@duskwood-legacies) Do you prefer angst or fluff?

I think it depends on the general mood I’m in.🤔 I think the best is angst with happy ending.😁

---

(Asked by@duskwood-legacies) Milk or cereal first?

Obviously: Cereal first! 😂🥣

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(Asked by @justubi) Would you rather have a nosy neighbor pr noisy neighbor?

Unfortunately, I have both. xD But if I could choose, I would opt for the noisy neighbor as I wear headphones all day anyway.😂

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(Asked by @justubi) Would you rather be poor but love your job or rich but absolutely hate your job?

One hundred percent and without having to think about: poor and love my job!I could never have a job I don’t like. This is a real horror imagination for me😂

---

(Asked by @kyras-things ) Prefer to write fanfics or read them?

Oh that’s a really hard question for me! 🤔 I can’t really make up my mind, but I think I’d rather read than write myself. With stories of others I can better dive into another world and relax. 🤭Because when I write, five hundred other thoughts always fly around in my head and I have to decide how to write something etc.I love writing but sometimes I wish I only had to think about a story and it would be written on a sheet right away. xD <3

---

(Asked by @leetjep) Would you rather have one eye in the middle of your head or two noses?

I take the eye in the middle of my head. 😂Then I would make the Jake eye as a tattoo around it, which would be really cool.🤭

---

(Continues on new asks)

#It's me :)#personal #hbj talks #about me #have fun lol

21 notes · View notes

tillthelandslide · 4 years ago

Text

Photographer : Henry Cavill Fake Instagram

Author’s note: Hi everyone. Hope you enjoy another fake instagram post. I really do enjoy making this so keep sending me requests, this one wasn’t a request but my own idea, I’m slowly working my way through some different careers so people can relate more to each one if they see their career being represented. Unfortunately, Tumblr on my phone keeps messing up, I usually like to include emojis here and there because to me it feels more real but it wouldn’t let me.

Anyway hope you enjoy - L

Tagged: @harrysthiccthighss @thereisa8ella @magdelen69 (if you want to be tagged in my post please message me :)

yourname_photography:

yourname_photography had an amazing day shooting with @henrycavill such a pleasure working with you love.

Liked by henrycavill and 1,891,201 others

View all 80,000 comments

fan2 your photography is so good

↳ yourname_photography aw thanks love

↳ fan3 honestly one of the best photographers out there atm

henrycavill thanks for the amazing day, I had such a nice time, you are so talented

↳ yourname_photography oh hush sir, was a joy working with you, you make my job very easy, lets just put it that way

henryfan “love” are they dating or not, we need answers

↳ ynfan she’s british, she calls everyone love, but if they were then we should all be happy for them, they don’t owe us answers

henrycavill:

henrycavill it is always such a joy when I get to work with amazingly talented people like @yourname_photography. So lucky to have you in my life, let alone get the opportunity to work together

Photo by @yourname_photography

Liked by yourname_photography, GQ and 991,892 others

View all 65,819 comments

yourname_photography oh hush, you’re the talented one in this relationship kind sir

↳ henrycavill <3

↳ fan5 relationship? are they dating?

↳ fan6 think they’re just friends but I’m happy for them if they are dating

anyachalotra so talented, these are epic

↳ henrycavill she sure is

↳ yourname_photography thank you Anya

freyaallan:

freyaallan I had such a nice time shooting today with @yourname_photography. Thank you to @henrycavill for making it happen, now I understand why you love her so much. And thank you y/n for making me look so beautiful, think these photos are the best I have ever recieved from a photoshoot.

Photo by @yourname_photography

Liked by yourname_photography, henrycavill and 431,839 others

View all 40,291 comments

fan3 “now I understand why you love her so much” ?? omg they are dating

↳ freyaallan I meant he loves working with her and loves the photos she produces, she is one of his favourite photographers

↳ fan2 good save

yourname_photography you were beautiful all on your own, needed no help from me miss. It was such a joy working with you, for sure have to do it again sometime

↳ freyaallan oh hush! and i’d love that

henrycavill glad you both had such a good time on set, i have always loved y/ns work, she has such a keen eye for this stuff

↳ fan2 this post is basically become them trying to convice us all that y/n and henry aren’t dating when we all know they are. good attempts though

photographydaily these photos are clean af

celebrumourmagazine:

celebrumourmagazine Famous Actor Henry Cavill and the photographer Y/n are now rumoured to be dating. The pair have had many photoshoots together and have a history of confusing fans with their comments on each others posts. But what is really tipping people off is a quote from Freya Allan, Cavill’s co-star in the Netflix show; The Witcher, where she said “I had such a nice time shooting today with @yourname_photography. Thank you to @henrycavill for making it happen, now I understand why you love her so much”. Allan then tried to cover her tracks by commenting on how y/n is one of Henry’s favourite photographers. Cavill too posted “I have always loved Y/ns work, she has such a keen eye for this stuff”. Seems fishy to me, wonder if we will get an explanatio soon. C’mon we deserve it.

Photo by @yourname_photography

Liked by 267,092 people

fan3 the level of disrepect in this post is on a new level. 1. referring to Henry as famous and then not using the same terminology for yn who has worked with so many famous actors, musicians, polticians etc and is renowned for her amazing word. 2. “Cavill’s co-star” she’s her own person sis. 3. “we deserve it” no you don’t, you haven’t done anything to deserve anything from them

↳ yn-hen-fan thats the tea sis

geraltofriviafans ffs leave them alone. there is the little thing people like to have. its called privacy

celebrumourmagazine:

celebrumourmagazine Famous actor Henry Cavill and Photographer caught kissing on a boat whilst on vaccation with friends and family. We knew they were dating!

Liked by 393,209 people

View all 5,092 comments

fan5 annoying that they didn’t say anything we all would have been okay with it

fan3 your comment perfectly shows how you wouldn’t have been okay with it. maybe they just wanted some privacy

fan2 I just found out that this photo amongst a few others were leaked from their phones. Ffs why can’t people respect their privacy y’all wonder why they didn’t say anything; this is why

henrycavill:

henrycavill well the cats out of the bag... not the way we intended to tell you guys which is a shame. We are very sad that this is the way you all had to find out. With both of our jobs being very demanding (we love them nonetheless and are very grateful) we don’t often get to spend time with each other so wanted some time just to ourselves, we wanted to share this amazing relationship with all of our fans when were ready but unfortunately that opportunity was taken from us. We hope you can understand: you all are very important to the both of us and we truly did want to share this with you, but both got a bit too caught up with having each other to ourselves. These photos were taken by one of our mutual friends whilst we were on holiday and were leaked from our phones. I am so shocked that they even managed to do this but I will not let them get anymore attention than that.

To my love @yourname_photography: the last couple of months with you have been bliss, I found myself falling more in love with you everyday. Your dedication to your work is truly inspiring, how deeply you care for and love those around you is second to none, you have taught me so much about so many things but the main thing I will cherish is what you have taught me about myself; you have taught me to truly accept myself and have taught me to see myself the way you see me. I love you more than I can even begin to explain and I can’t wait for what’s to come. Having you to myself has been truly wonderful but sharing how amazing you are not only to me but all those around you is something I am going to enjoy. Everyone should know the amazing things you do not only in your photography career but in other aspects of your life <3

Liked by yourname_photography, anyachalotra, freyallan and 1,203,028 others

View all 54,288 comments

yourname_photography this is too sweet Hen, I love you so much. The past couple of months with you have been absolute perfection and I will cherish them forever. You are by far the best thing that has ever happened to me and I am beyond lucky to have you and have had you to myself but I’m ready to share you and to share us with the world

↳ henrycavill lets do this shit

freyaallan I was worried that I was going to be the one to leak the news and although I’m annoyed it came out like this I’m glad it wasn’t me XD, wish you could have announced it on your own terms though. I’m beyond happy for the both of you

↳ yourname_photography the sweetest girl <3 I thought you recovered quite well in that post XD

anyachalotra the cutest couple of all time... there, i said it

↳ yourname_photography said it you did. we are beyond grateful for you and how supportive you were of us from the get go

↳ henry cavill thank you anya, your support means the world to us

yourname_photograhy:

yourname_photography to my beloved Henry: the love you have shown me was one I didn’t believe in growing up, the kind of love I thought only excited in fairytales, books and movies. Boy oh boy was I wrong. The love you give is the kind of love everyone deserves, the kind where you give yourself to someone else fully without any selfishness or expectations. To most people you are Superman, Geralt, August Walker, Charles Brandon, Napoleon Solo and many others. But to me you are all those things and more. You are the guy that brings me my favourite soup when I’m sick, the guy that sits with me for hours trying to pick which photos from a shoot are the best, the guy that brings home lillies because you know they’re my favourite flower, the guy that sends me care packages when you are away, the guy that sends me goofy selfies of you and Kal, the guy that rubs my back and plays with my hair when I cant sleep, the guy that introduced me to my second family: the Cavill’s, the guy that works his god damn hardest everyday, the guy that puts in so much effort to raise awareness for endangered species and the fight that Durrell do, the guy that does so many amazing things yet expects nothing in return. You are the epic love of my life and I do not deserve you <3, you amazing, beautiful human, never change <3

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fan6 HOW CAN ANYBODY NOT LIKE HER? THE WAY SHE TALKS ABOUT HIM, I MEAN UGHH SO FLOOFY

fan4 this post got more likes than henrys bc everyone realised they cant not like her

↳ henrycavill you made me cry ): now come give me kisses

↳ yourname_photography im coming, oops nearly tripped over kal

↳ fan 8 haha she’s commenting as she’s doing it how cute

joeybateyofficial all the haters be like “hmm, fuck” bc they realise there is -9182 reasons to hate you

↳ yourname_photography thanks for bringing the geralt comments here, someone had to do it :)

↳ joeybateyofficial it’s a honour :) happy for both of you... always knew he was a big soft... despite his rock hard abs

↳ yourname_photography spend a lot of time looking at my boyfriends rock hard abs much then? XD

↳ henrycavill not as much as you @yourname_photography, ayeee XD

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ohallthecrushes · 4 years ago

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That one day... // Arthur Fleck x Reader

A/N: I’m tired, my lower back is in pain and I should be sleeping, but my hyperfocus didn’t let me. xD So somehow I made this one shot that I was pretty sure I’d never finish. Arthur is sweet, but dark and creepy and in love with reader.

Summary: You and Arthur just became friends. He fell in love with you from the beginning, but because you were hurt before you want to stay just friends with him. You thought he’d be ok with it, but of course he’s not. Soon you start falling in love with him too, but having in mind what you decided before, you try to ignore your feelings for him. When you finally let him know, he doesn’t believe you and it turns out into a little disaster. Can someone teach me how to write good summary?

Word counts:2293

You and Arthur were friends for some time now. One month to be more precisely. It all started with you coming up to him and asking if he was alright after you saw him standing before a building you lived in...

Looking lost in thoughts.

In the middle of a pouring rain.

Without an umbrella.

Broken down and beaten up.

It was a simple gesture of kindness that you took him to the nearest donuts shop and bought him a hot coffee to warm him up. You sat down with him and made him to talk. Reassuring him that you wanted to sit there with him and you actually wanted to help even by just lending an ear.

It was a gesture of kindness, but it was a magic moment to Arthur.

His life had changed that day.

You gave him your phone number, just in case he ever wanted to talk again and he thanked you and apologized to you for the trouble at least seven times before you two left the shop and separated.

He didn’t call you the next days, weeks even, which felt somewhat disappointing. You were hoping that he would call to offer you a coffee or something like that. Not that you wanted him to repay you. You just... You felt like he was a good sensitive man, a gentle soul so hard to find in Gotham that you would like to know better.

It was a shame that he wasn’t interested.

But then, you couldn’t know that he spent two whole weeks following you around, getting information about you and learning your daily habits.

You couldn’t know. He made sure of that.

It was that one day when you accidentally bumped on him when you were going back from work that he invited you to your favorite coffee shop down the street. You agreed with a smile, lucky you felt that day.

He appeared to you as a shy, timid man with daily struggle and mental problems but also with big hopes and dreams.

He was always polite and considerate of your feelings, and he asked you a lot of questions about you and your life.

Some were simple and silly like your favourite color or songs you often listened to.

Some were more intimate and even inappropriate at times. But you were never upset with him for asking such. You knew he didn’t have any friends that he could learnt from what healthy boundaries were.

Until now, of course.

You became his friend and you two began to meet more often. He opened up to you some time later and you could see how much more comfortable he started to feel around you.

You even noticed that he felt comfortable enough to gently brushed his hand over yours when you two were walking through a park. Something was in the air...

That was when you had to stop him.

- Arthur...

- Yes?

- Remember when I told you about my ex boyfriend? And how fucked up our relationship was?

- Yes...

- You know... how... hurt I was. I’m not ready to start dating yet. I hope you understand that and you don’t take it personally, I...

- Oh, it’s alright - he nodded his head a little to vigorously to fully hide that he’d been hoping for something to happen between you - I didn’t try to do anything, just... I get that you’re not ready, I do. I’d like us to stay friends too.

- You’re sure?

- Mhm - the way he lowered his head and avoid the eye contact told you he wasn’t fully honest.

- Artie...

- I’ll be alright, really. I have feelings for you, you know, but I don’t want to destroy what we already have. You’re my friend... You’re my only friend. I don’t wanna lose you.

You wanted to say something, but he smiled at you softly.

- Don’t worry about me, Y/N, I’ll be fine.

That day you were foolish enough to think that he actually would be alright about you two being just friends. He seemed fine at that moment and you thought that because it was just the beginning that his feelings for you weren’t strong enough yet, so they would be easier to suppress, easier to ignore. As if it was something he could just take back.

But he was already far too deep and beyond the point of turning back.

***********************************************************

You didn’t get back to that topic ever again.

You kept hanging out with each other everyday you could, and everyday when you couldn’t you were talking by phone, telling each other how your day was and sharing your thoughts on different topics. He was telling you jokes and listening you laughing. While you were feeding him with your home made cookies and watching him dance in his Carnival costume. You kept each other company as friends do, ignoring the fact that sometimes, just sometimes he looked at you with an old hope and longing.

You stayed just friends.

But your smile was his favourite thing in this world to look at.

And he occasionally told you a few compliments to make you blush as well - his second favorite thing to look at.

But his voice was the last thing you heard before you went to sleep and the first thing you heard when you woke up.

But “goodmornings and goodbyes” became your daily habits. Something you couldn’t get through a day and night without.

But he sometimes surprised you with small gifts, like your favorite cupcake or something related to your hobby. Smallest things so you wouldn’t forget about him.

But everyday you were getting more and more excited to see him.

And before you know... You were far too deep and beyond the point of turning back.

******************************************

It was that one day when you two were chilling on his couch, drinking tea and watching old comedies. You were facing each other and silly laughing about... oh who cares what.

You felt happy when he was around you. You felt excited when he looked at you or called you by your name. You felt things towards him a friend shouldn’t feel.

You had realized that a week before, but you’d tried to ignore it. You’d managed to ignore it somehow even though it hurt you inside. It burnt a hole in your heart when you also had realized that you couldn't tell him. After all you were the one that had insisted to stay just friends. You were the one thinking foolishly that feelings can be easily repressed or forgotten. You should had knew better than that.

Your eyes were wandering all over his face as you tried to silence your heart at that moment.

But his small hiccups were adorable and his smile was so wide and his crooked tooth looked so cute.

But you couldn’t look away from his lips as well.

You couldn’t take it anymore. How could you be so naive? How could you deny him and yourself something you both felt so deeply?

You stopped smiling and started screaming inside.

- Y/N? - he asked puzzled and concerned as he reached out to touch your arm - What’s wrong? You look like you’re in pain...

You were in pain, indeed.

To stop yourself from crying you started laughing. But it was a sad laugh that Arthur wasn’t amused with.

- Y/N?

- Oh god! I can’t... I can’t do this anymore - you shook your head as you dramatically covered your face with your hands and put your head up. You couldn’t just sit there pretending anymore, hurting your feelings like that.

Arthur stared at you confused and worried, wondering what made you say that and what did you mean.

He’d noticed that you’d been acting weird lately, that during conversations your head had been somewhere else and it was as if you'd been hiding something before him. He didn’t want to pry, but he couldn’t help but felt that whatever that was, had something to do with him.

Suddenly he felt insecure again. His old demons started barking.

Did you just... agree that you couldn’t stand him and pretend to be his friend anymore? Did one of his fear just became a reality?

- W-what are you saying? What d-do you mean you can’t?

You spread your fingers to look at him. You didn’t want to take your hands off your face, cause you knew you were blushing like hell.

- I can’t just... - you took a deep breath - i can’t just be your friend...

Something in his eyes told you that you just hurt his feelings in an awful way. You didn’t mean to! Oh no, let me explain!

- I mean I... I didn’t want to sound... I find it hard to... - you struggled with your words and you saw how the light in his eyes slowly disappeared, replaced by something much darker and empty.

He thought he was right, his brain hadn’t lied to him this time. You really did despise him, didn’t you? You had just pretended that you liked him, because you felt pity for him, when in reality you couldn’t even stand him. He was right from the beginning, wasn’t he? He clutched his fists and felt like his lower lip began to shake as well as one of his knee.

You couldn’t see how scared he was, how disappointed and hurt, cause you shut your eyes closed, trying to focus on the right words. But the right words just couldn’t came out and you felt frustrated with your own disability to handle this conversation that you’d just started.

- Oh, for fuck’s sake - you said as you opened your eyes and leaned forward, letting your lips express what your mind couldn’t. You kissed him or more likely pressed your lips to his in a little desperate manner, silencing you both from racing thoughts for a brief moment. Then you leaned back, opened your eyes and waited. He looked at you confused and anxious and you knew what was coming next.

He pressed his hands to the place where your lips had been just a second ago and burst into a very loud very hurtful laughter. His body turned away from you shaking as if he wanted to hide himself from you, from your sight, so you wouldn’t pity him even more. He could feel your hand gently caressing his back as you always did when he had his fit, but you did this only because you had to, right? You didn’t really want to be there with him or for him in that matter. He was just a freak to you. He was just. A. Freak. A very naive freak.

- W-why... are... why are y-you... mocking me... like this?! - he managed to gasped out as his laughter scaled down. He was siting with his head lowered and his eyes on the floor. His eyebrows were knitted, his leg was bouncing fast and he was seriously upset.

- What? I’m not... - you were confused now, his sudden outburst made you withdraw your hand. Wasn’t you clear enough with your kiss? - I’m not mocking you, Arthur, I’m...

- You know I have feelings for you and you’re mocking me with that kiss!

- I’m not! That’s not what I wanted to-

- You said - he interjected you - that you can’t do this anymore. That you can’t be my friend! What you meant is that you can’t pretend anymore that you like me. You said that! And then - he glared at you with a hurtful look in his eyes - then you kissed me to mock me - he added with a lower much more quiet voice. For a moment you were afraid to speak up.

But you started to grasp on his way of thinking. And... oh boy.

- No... You’re wrong, Arthur. I didn’t kiss you to mock you. Why would I.. - you sighed - What I meant by that is... I have feelings for you too and that’s why I can’t pretend to be just your friend anymore.

He looked away and took a moment to process your words. He didn’t look at you and you were afraid that he wouldn’t believe you, but his leg slowly stopped bouncing and when he finally looked at you, his eyes were soft looking and his voice didn’t sound so dangerous.

He didn’t fully believe you, but he was getting there.

- You... have feelings for me too? - he repeated very slowly as he was still processing what he’d heard.

- Yes, I do. I’m sorry I wasn’t clear enough with that before.

Slowly his body turned to you and he became visibly more relaxed. His eyebrows twitched as he finally got what you were saying.

- But you said before that you wanted to stay friends...

- I know and that was... well, very stupid of me.

You took his hand in yours.

- I fell in love with you Arthur and if you still feel the same about me... Then I’m ready to start something new.

His face lightened up with a big smile and you saw tears in his eyes.

- Y/N... Oh god, I’m so sorry I reacted like that! I thought that... I let myself thought things I shouldn’t have. But that was my...

- ... your fears talking, I know.

He gently squeezed your hand and leaned down to assure you that he still felt the same about you.

He cupped your face and kissed you with an overflow of passion.

That day your life had changed.

#arthur fleck #joker #arthur fleck x reader #joker x reader #joker arthur fleck #arthur fleck imagines #joker imagines

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teacup-tai · 4 years ago

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Top Five of 2020

Rules: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 5 (ish) favourite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. Tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

My lovely @the-starryknight thanks for the tag! I’ll tag a few people, but you probably already did it: @ruinsplume @kasjophe @gallifrey1sburning @quicksilvermaid @prolix- @dazedandinked

Right. This year was insane, I got stuck first half of the year in Ireland with only 2 friends close by, all my family in Brazil or Spain while I was writing my bloody master thesis (that is what I’m proudest of this year, but it’s not published yet, so won’t go in this list). I managed a lot of hard emotions in solitude, by myself, while reading drarry fics to keep afloat (great coping mechanism, actually!). And after handing my thesis and moving to Spain, I was feeling deeply empty. So I went back to fic-writing, after 2 or 3 years of not even looking at my old fics.

It all started when I saw the posts for prompt claiming on the @hd-hurtfest blog. To think how that post changed everything in my life is just bizarre. So I am very thankful! It has been a huge pleasure to go back to fic-writing and to re-embrace the HP fandom, mainly the drarry squad! To get to know so many lovely people and I’m forever grateful for that.

Here is my Top Five:

hear me (with your whole body): (Drarry, E, 9k) this is the fic I wrote for the hd-hurtfest 2020. I saw @quicksilvermaid’s prompt and I shivered. It lured me so much I had the whole plot in my head as soon as I finished sending the claim. It was so hard to write it. Because the topic is very sensitive: open relationships, sexual mismatch, bad communication skills. I brought most of my bad experiences in all these sensitive topics as if I was purging it from my body while writing ‘hear me’. It was a very raw process of looking into my own still bleeding wounds, but very cathartic. And it was hard because it was my very first drarry (I love drarry and I normally only read drarry, but I’ve never felt confident enough to write it), so I was very nervous. And in bloody English xD LOL but I’m bloody proud of it. I wanted to write something real without making a show of blaming one of the parts, at the same time I wanted to use and unreliable POV (Harry’s) and to bring forth all those very uncomfortable realities of jealousy, insecurity of one’s sexuality etc. in a way people could relate to. I’ve never imagined the response to this fic would be so nice, and many of the comments drove me to deep reflection. I’m specially happy about this fic because after writing ‘hear me’ something cracked open inside of me, in my own personal-romantic life and also in writing. Like a small miracle. And then, I couldn’t stop writing anymore.

Rebel Rebel: (Sirius/Remus. E, 5k) heh, Wolfstar is my OTP *-* So writing this tiny fic with ‘there was no war’ prompt for the sirius black fest was a bloody delight. The feeling of exploring their youth, in the early 80s and the whole atmosphere of that time was exhilarating! Bowie’s concerts, HIV+ and Aids, queer community and old school crushes. Giving them a future and professions was fun as fuck. But the best part was making Sirius Black fuck around, wild and free, you know. Because he bloody well deserved it. I love the writing style I explored there, very influenced by Caio Fernando Abreu, one of my favourite Brazilian writers and it was just great great fun!

Dragons Don’t Know Paradise: (Drarry + Wolfstar, E, 40k+ WIP) I need to post 3 more chapters along this next few days. I’m adding Dragons here because NEVER. IN. MY. LIFE I thought this story would come out of my head into the pages, and I’m so bloody happy, so bloody proud of myself. I cannot believe how much I’ve written in a month, about a plot that had some path in my head but never a shape, and how this all blossomed inside of me and how it’s coming out just brilliantly. I know I’ll think back at some point and think this and that are not great. But I think this fic is one of my best works, it deals with the queer community, with depression and acceptance, with HIV+ folk, and deep emotions. Everything I’ve ever dreamed of writing. And here it is, and writing it made me manage the fact that I wouldn’t be able to spend this xmas with my family, so I spent this last month with this characters and feeling the opposite of lonely. And to be able to write Harry having a family, you know, being raised by Remus and Sirius is just marvellous. I’m over the moon with wolfstar being great gaydads :D

Scorching: (Pansmione, E, 1.5k) first time I translated a Portuguese fic of mine to English. It was fun to do it, as it’s purely smutty smut and well, I love pansmione and it makes me greedy to go back to writing about this ship. I like how it turned out, but it’s not beta-ed so maybe it’s not great. But damn, I really like this Pansy. ^^

The Old Ways: (Voldemort/Walburga, M, 3k). So, I have a whole word document full of snippets on the Black family. As the Black family is my huge guilty pleasure (that’s why Tainara Black has been my pen name since 2005). I don’t like to think Walburga was only a mad pureblood bigoted woman, I like to think of her as being strongly magical and very sure of herself. Someone three-dimensional with knowledge of Dark magic of the old ways and a deep insanity that comes with legacy of pureness, but also with financial influence and management of old wizarding land. I realised Walburga is only 1 year older than Voldie, she is closest to his age than her husband or brother (if we follow the Balck Family Genealogical Tree), and this sparked a whole idea inside of me. So this fic is a character study of Walburga when Sirius is only 10 and Voldemort is organising a war, and I honestly think is one of my best fics (even though it wasn’t beta-ed). I loved writing about this powerful witch, that got stuck in keeping her bloodline alive, that gave up on great deeds of power and freedom to become a pureblood mother and wife. But it’s the fic no one reads, so I’m adding a bit of it here in hopes it may interest someone:

He climbs the last step of the noisy, rusty, winding stair, his eyes mapping the place in silent wonder. The rooftop is sombre. Rough grey cement floor and dead flower beds in a far corner, big dark clay pots with dead branches and dry bushes scattered around; the only living thing is an imposing carnivorous plant, it’s toothed lips opening and closing sharply around bugs and other insects.

She is right there, in the centre of the chaotic rooftop garden and he thinks the house is in shambles, and so is she. The moon is reflecting its cold brightness over her as if it were a stage light. He takes a second to contemplate her stance. He has never seen her like this before. It is such an incongruous sight it almost feels like he’s intruding. Is not a feeling he’s used to.

She’s perched in a high frail copper chair, her ankles crossed lightly, with pale bare feet against the dirty coarse floor, one white arm falling languidly from the armrest, her elegant fingers holding a thin long smoking pipe. Rings of smoke rising into the night sky. The back of her skull resting on the back of the chair, he can’t see her face from this angle, but he’s stunned by the imagery.

She looks almost mythical; with her long black mane messy and loose, barely touching the ground. He can’t remember when was the last time he’s seen her hair down, but he’s pretty sure it wasn’t that long, nor were there silver strikes colouring it in a mix of salt and pepper.

“How long do you plan to stare?” her voice is as rusty as the whole house and he scoffs.

keep reading

#my writing #my fics #tainara black #top five 2020

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ryttu3k · 4 years ago

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Finishing up SoNY, ‘bad’ end and final thoughts!

But first, the early game over.

Wow, she just gets shot. Not even slurped? That’s rude as hell XD;;

And on to the ‘bad’ end!

Beginning is much the same, ofc.

“You’re too in love with weaving a good story and establishing a seductive narrative to let facts get in the way.” Foreshadowing for the ‘good’ end, maybe?

God that Embrace scene gives me literal goosebumps.

Alright! Last time I did Danse Macabre and Retributive Justice, let’s try The Risks of Swiping Right!

lmao god I’d eat this guy too. Back to the ghost club! That legitimately is a really neat scene. ...Ooh yes so that’s where the girl was from.

Panhard just lowkey dying at the mental image of Katherine Weise in a fast food restaurant is so good.

The sweet scene between Julia and Dakota hits a bit different after the ‘good’ end XD;;

Went to the park, reminisced, and helped out the guy. That was sweet ;_; High-humanity Julia, this time!

‘Fairy God Mother?’ is great but ‘Vin Diesel?’ is objectively the funnier response.

“Shining even more brightly than usual, Aisling.” Samira got a cru-ush~

Poor Julie. It’s probably been tough without Sophie around :(

Huh. Interestingly, refusing to lie to Mia results in Julia actually feeling genuine loyalty to the Cammies (for now, at least).

Believing Agathon is still alive = more optimistic = different dialogue! See, this is how you make choices have consequences, game!

Oooh boy time to meet Adelaide XD;;

“She uncrosses her legs in a strangely seductive motion. In her mind’s eye, it probably looked like Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct, but in reality, it had all the grace of a tracksuit Slav squatting.” *snickering*

Fight me, Adelaide >:(

‘sup Nastya. Went with the slightly less disruptive routine here XD Huh, she’s an aspiring DJ! Julia is deeply confused as to how being a DJ and being head of security works together.

lmao Julia referring to Hope as a girlboss. That phrase has lost all meaning to me...

The conversation between Julia and Father Leonard is still really interesting. Man, you know who I want Julia to talk to? Anatole. Interesting insights into balancing being queer Catholic vampires there for sure.

lmao oh my god I want to fight this street reporter.

‘I can almost feel my brain losing its wrinkles.’ *snort*

Yeaghhhh the Abyss bit is still so creepy...

Oops. Being honest regarding Tamika and Torque’s relationships gets a fail :(

Oh, or not XD That works! Also, uh, apparently the giant albino ghoul alligator is real, according to New York by Night. He’s Calebros’ pet.

“Because I think I have a pretty good nose for people’s auras. And when I take a good look at you... ...somehow, I have a feeling you’re a surprisingly decent person. Whatever way of unlife you choose, I hope you don’t change it. And that you remember my advice.” :)

“I know.” Oof.

“Hi.” “WAAAH!” lmao sorry Princess XD;; Just trying to imagine Qadir’s face as he tells Julia to find a 1990 glass statue of Scrooge McDuck... dying...

Oh she’s so a Toreador XD Low art options are a fantasy book, an anime DVD, or a video game... those can all be arty, though! And went with the anime DVD called ‘Ririsu no Daibouken’... that translates to ‘Adventures of Lilith’. How on the nose XD “The cover says ‘Lilith’s Carnal Carnival’.” Oh. Yeah, that’d do it XD

“This 90s original video anime presents us with a tale of five big-bosomed samurai warriors travelling through America in search of General Hastavista, The Incubus King. Don’t let all the titillation misguide you: the main draws here are peerless direction, a nearly avant-garde editing rhythm and dialogue that coyly comments on traditional gender roles in anime. Once you see the animation in the final battle, you’ll understand why it never fails to set a sakuga fan’s heart ablaze!”

She’s my new favourite.

“So can I know your name now?”

“Hmmm... Let me think...

No. <3″

I need to stress that the heart appears in the dialogue box. Like. The actual less-than-three heart.

Didn’t investigate the rat this time, so Qadir did and I die. “Glad you’re alright, little guy.” Qadir...

Still not over the drunk blood doll rats.

Kaiser’s still a goddamn creep and this time Julia is not going too far. She still has her humanity, dammit. Final set of traits:

Loyal to the end

Glass half-full

Not into a bad cop schtick

Honesty is the best policy

No more human, still humane

Onwards to the ‘bad’ end! Oops, and Dakota still did the Single White Female thing XD;;

Man I’m still really curious who the ‘good friend’ is!!

Okay! Time for end game!!

So that’s the good friend, huh? “Let me phrase it differently, then. You’re not Ecaterina the Wise, the Agitator of Prague, a Brujah elder causing turbulences all over the world... are you?”

Mention of Christof! Mention of Christof doing shady shit :| Poor Hana.

“An immigrant from Eastern Europe comes to New York City, takes the position she always expected to find herself in, is molded into someone who is no longer herself.”

Julia and Dakota representing Carthage is kind of neat.

I want to say the mention of St Jude is a reference, but I’m not sure what to XD;; Is that from Redemption? Christof could have been the one to tell Hana that.

“Like a two-person human centipede loop or something. An Ouroburos? Or an, uhh, Mobius strip?” No, that’s the other traditionally Sabbat clan XD

That‘s. That’s a hell of a reconciliation XD “Yeah, let’s give it a try. By the way I’m on the run for my unlife, want to go to California and try to find utopia?”

Julia, wear a fucking mask XD

“Hey.”

“Yeah?“

“Do you love me?”

“... Of course I do. For now, at least.”

I still don’t know if I love her. Or even if I can love anyone, for that matter. I’m a fucking monster, after all. I don’t even know if we’ll exist next month. The prospects are not looking good. But although I can’t see myself in the rearview mirror right now...

...I will remember this image of us leaving the city, somewhat melancholic, and somewhat hopeful, forever. And maybe the meaning of this image will be clarified with time. Or maybe I will just force a more positive description on it, and that is what I’ll believe.

No matter what happens... even if oceans of blood lie before us, I will make this a cherished memory.

Whatever possible salvation still remains for me... ...it probably lies in the eyes of another.

Oh dang I have chills.

So the ‘bad’ ending is about the subverted compromise. Julia resigns herself to letting the compromise about the truth of Callihan’s death go ahead. ‘Catherine’ is a walking compromise to hide the Ecaterina’s real deeds. But while Hana is still stuck in her role for now, Julia refuses to accept the compromise she’s made, both the one relating to the investigation and the compromise she made of her own views and morals. It might blow up in her face, yeah. But damn, she’s going to try.

So, final thoughts! For the sake of completion, this is what I said about Coteries:

And of course this is the part where the game all falls apart :-\

Just… god. This is probably the biggest problem with CoNY, and the reason I didn’t bother getting it until it was like… 60% off. The bulk of the game is great - the writing is intriguing, the design is stunning. But the choices themselves are so limited it’s barely worth even getting it at 60% off!

You have three choices of characters, with their own opening chapters and own individual scenes with their touchstones. You have four choices of coterie members, and three sidequests. You can probably get in at least three full story arcs and a sidequest or two, but you’re only ever limited to two of your coterie members showing up at the not-yet-endgame.

So let’s say you decide to play all three protags, which, indeed, is encouraged (there’s an achievement for it). You are going to repeat coterie arcs and side quests, because there simply aren’t enough for three unique playthroughs.

And then you get to the end and literally everything is scripted. You get attacked by the SI. You get rescued by your two coterie members (and then never see them again, despite the game being called Coteries of New York). You meet Torque, you escape the SI, Sophie reveals her plan to Torque, you go to Ellis Island, Adelaide kills Sophie (and despite the fact that you’re given multiple options there, none of them work), Arturo does his spiel, end of game. You don’t even get to choose between ending up blood bound or going “no fuck you” and at least dying with a bit of dignity!

I just. I really want to like it, and there genuinely is a lot there to like! But uuuugh the ending. Like damn at least give the poor protag the option to choose what happens to them!

Anyway. Not sure what’s next. To get all the achievements, you have to finish with all three protags, so that’s three full runs and a lot of repetitiveness (compare to, say, Bloodlines or Night Road. I have eighty-five hours on Night Road and there’s still stuff I haven’t seen!), so I can’t even just… rush it through up to the meeting with the touchstones on the third play. Nope. Gotta finish it :-\

Final rating: 6/10

8/10 characters, 9/10 atmosphere, 8/10 story aside from ending, 3/10 story ending, 2/10 replayability. Final consensus: get it on major sale if you can, otherwise, you might as well just watch an LP. I might do that instead of doing a third run, although I at least want to do a second.

I ended up revising that 6/10 to 5.5/10 after finishing all runs and getting the achievements just out of how goddamn repetitive it was. So, how does Shadows measure up?

Absolutely continued with all the things I enjoyed about CoNY (characters, atmosphere, and writing), and of the bits I hated (cookie cutter protagonists, lack of real choice, repetitiveness, the godawful ending), every single part has been completely improved.

Instead of three fledglings so similar they even have the same internal thoughts, we have Julia, who’s got such a distinct voice that she becomes the most memorable game protag I’ve seen in years, and I’m including non-VtM games in this. This is absolutely her game, and it’s just... absolutely fascinating to read and watch.

Related - actual real choices. There are five key choices that determine the ending, and every single one has actual consequence in-game. You get different dialogue. Different introspection. Different philosophies. And this carries across - if Julia believes Agathon is alive, she’s more optimistic about her relationship with Dakota, too. And of course, both endings are completely distinct and incredibly written - the ‘good’ ending where Julia gives in to her most Lasombra instincts, plays the game, wins it, gets power and respect at the expense of her humanity and avoiding all those wraiths... or the ‘bad’ ending when she listens to her morals, reconciles with Dakota, and leaves for California, uncertain, but hopeful.

Not a lot of repetitiveness. Yes, by design, you’ll probably do two playthroughs. The main plot is much the same, but there are enough options there to get multiple dialogue options and stuff. And for the little sidequests, you can actually get all in with just the two playthroughs, only repeating like... two, I think. Still, I wasn’t feeling actively bored like I was midway through my second run of CoNY!

Loved seeing more in-depth backstory and development for the coterie members. Agathon’s section was particularly fascinating, literally getting into his head.

And just. Atmosphere and music is so, so good.

Final rating: 9/10. Thank you, Draw Distance, you hit it out of the park.

#vampire the masquerade #vtm shadows of new york #ry plays sony

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minmotl · 4 years ago

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Chapter 42: Tang Fan is Jealous, Gets All Mopey, Then Gets Sick & Sui Zhou Nurses Him Back to Health

Context: While Sui Zhou is called away on a case (this is the case in the show when Sui Zhou is imprisoned by the corrupt official and where imposter Wang Zhi turns up, but the developments of the show for this case and also imposter!WZ doesn’t happen in the novel - Sui Zhou does meet some trouble with the corrupt official but it’s settled without much fanfare), Wang Zhi causes Tang Fan to be summoned into the palace by the Emperor to solve the case of the Crown Prince’s study buddy dying (the boy’s surname is Han, this case happens in the show as well).

In this chapter, he’s just finished solving the case and is finally heading home after days of frantic, hard work and Sui Zhou coincidentally is back home from the above case as well. While Sui Zhou was gone, Sui Zhou’s cousin Lady Zhou turned up at the house to look for him but was rebuffed by Tang Fan.

*Note: I really love this chapter!!! One of my favourites, there’s a bit of angst in this one, I LOVE. Like Top 5 chapters for me, honestly. Tang Fan getting all angsty on his own and moping? YAS. I love the way Sui Zhou just tends to Tang Fan, and while he doesn’t outright give into Tang Fan’s every whim, he has Tang Fan’s interests and well-being in mind constantly and I just LOVE. Also, long chapter ahead XD.

**Second note: This thing about marrying twice-removed cousins (and sometimes not even that removed) is a practice in traditional times. Not sure if it counts as incest but probably, but it was something that was widely done across centuries and different dynasties. I have no comments, but anyway, while the Empress Dowager did seem to want to marry Lady Zhou over to Sui Zhou’s, Sui Zhou has never accepted her advances and will refuse her firmly in the next chapter.

Introduction Post | Masterpost

—

Highlights under the cut

Recently, because of the East Palace case, Tang Fan ended up running between the palace and Western Depot often with occasional trips to the Han family’s house. He hasn’t been able to work as usual at Shun Tian Prefecture, and Pan-daren was quick to give him off days so that he wouldn’t need to report at the courts every day until he’s done with the current case.

Although he’s still investigating cases, heading into the courts everyday punctually to sit as compared to having the freedom of time when he’s at work, these are two completely different concepts. While Tang-daren is not the kind of official to just pass his days at work, he was still happy to be able to take breaks and procrastinate from time to time (helping Wang Zhi out on this case).

Seeing that the case is about to conclude, these days of freedom will soon cease and Tang-daren cannot help but feel a little disappointed. Instead of taking a detour to the dumpling stall to have some dumplings, he heads straight back home.

Of course, if Ah Dong was at home to make dinner that would be good. The other time, after the experience of having glutinous peanut balls on an empty stomach, Tang-daren is certain he never wants to experience that again.

The sky darkens gradually and and when only a short distance remains between him and home, Tang Fan sees the swirls of smoke coming from the direction of his house’s kitchen and in that moment, he can almost smell the aroma of dinner. This improves his mood significantly. Humming a tune under his breath, his footsteps quicken.

No matter where he goes, it is still home that is the best!

The door to the front yard isn’t closed and is opened halfway. He’s about to walk in when laughter and chatter sounds from inside and hidden in the ensuing noise is a familiar man’s voice.

Sui Zhou has returned?

Tang Fan is stunned for a moment, and then a smile breaks out on his face.

However, he barely takes a few steps inside before seeing that the doors to the dining hall, which is connected to the main hall, is wide open and inside, there is a whole table of steaming, hot dishes. Little Ah Dong walks out of the kitchen, in her hands holding onto a fresh plate of food, yelling, “Sui da-ge, Zhou jiejie, all the dishes have been served. Da-ge surely won’t be coming home for dinner, so let’s start first!”

There is a man and a woman standing next to the table in the dining hall.

The man is naturally Sui Zhou, who he has not seen in many days. He looks like he’s lost some weight but this makes him look even more mature. He must’ve been back for a while as he’s not wearing the Embroidered Uniform Guards’ uniform, the one that makes everyone fear for their lives. Instead. he has changed into some casual clothes, but he looks more like a precious sword that has not yet been unsheathed, because underneath the casual clothes, what is packaged is a bloodthirsty, sharp sword.

For a person like this, there is no need for lavish clothes and beautiful embellishments. He is protected by the sharpest edge of the blade and just by standing there, others are unable to ignore him.

The other woman, however, is the Zhou family’s cousin that Tang Fan saw a few days ago. She came to their doors looking for Sui Zhou and left without what she wanted, and today she has managed to meet him coincidentally.

He’s not sure what she said, but a small smile is apparent on Sui Zhou’s icy, stoic face. Her bell-like laughter travels far and the space between both people are not close but also not far, just perfect. Their arms are almost about to touch, but it also looks as if they’re not touching. All these are clear in Tang Fan’s eyes and the scene looks almost flirtatious and sensual to him.

Ah Dong skips into the hall with the dishes, and then says something to the woman. The both of them laugh, seemingly close.

How long have they known each other for them to be this friendly with one another? She’s even closer to her than she is to me, her Da-ge!

That’s what Tang-daren thinks, and he will never admit that all he feels right now is the sour jealousy in his heart. Where he’s standing, he is perfectly hidden by a tree and with the skies so dark, no one realizes that he’s there.

Tang Fan sees the three of them take their seats separately, as if they’re truly about to begin dinner without him, and so he does not walk in further. Instead, he turns around and quietly retreats out of the house.

Night falls and thousands of houses glow with light. This is a time for reunion with the family. Usually Tang-daren surely will not be as indecisive as this, but he’s not sure what’s wrong with him today either. Seeing the three people in the house laughing and having a good time with each other, he feels that he’s an extra, as if the three of them are a family instead. For him to suddenly go in, he feels as if he’s the intruder disturbing them instead.

The most terrible thing is Ah Dong. It is said that when women grow up, they have to be married and her parents and family will not be able to make her stay. Well, she’s not even grown up yet, but she’s already trying to please outsiders!

Tang Fan mumbles and doesn’t realize what’s wrong with his choice of words. Like an old man, he puts his hands behind him and begins to circle around the Sui house, and shortly after he reaches the tiny door in the house’s backyard.

Smelling the aroma of the food wafting through the air from inside the house, Tang Fan rubs at his stomach and feels even hungrier now. He wonders if he should head out and find some food to eat before returning, but after a few consecutive days of rushing about, even though there were times when he sat in a carriage, that is incomparable to someone who spends most of their time hurrying around on foot.

Now that he’s relaxed, his legs ache terribly, and so he’s too lazy to move. Instead, he sits on the threshold of the door and spaces out as he looks at the sky full of stars.

It is almost autumn season and after night falls, it begins to become chilly. After a while, Tang-daren yawns and drowsiness fills him. With his head supported against the door, unconsciously, he ends up dozing off like this.

He descends into deep slumber, unaware of his surroundings.

An unknown amount of time later, it is only after he feels the weight of something over his body does Tang Fan open his eyes.

The skies have darkened completely, but from the light coming out of the courtyard, Tang Fan still manages to see the person before him.

“Guang Chuan?” Tang-daren asks blearily, before he sees the other person next to him. “Ah Dong, what are the both of you doing here?”

It is only then that he realizes that the weight he felt on him earlier was due to Sui Zhou placing his down coat over him to cover his body.

With a hand on her hips, Ah Dong nags, “Da-ge, how can you even say that, we were waiting for you but you didn’t come home. We were so panicked, Sui da-ge was about to go out and search for you, but who knew that you were hiding here? Why didn’t you head inside?”

Having just surfaced to consciousness, Tang Fan’s eyes are confused, his expression blank as he’s still in a half-awake state.

Seeing that Ah Dong wants to continue speaking, Sui Zhou stops her and helps Tang Fan up. Both of Tang Fan’s legs are numb after having sat for so long, and with a grimace, he almost falls forward. Luckily, Sui Zhou is swift to see that and his hands are ever faster, directly slipping around Tang Fan’s waist to support him.

“Can you walk?” Sui Zhou frowns, his expression indicating that if Tang Fan cannot walk, he is prepared to carry him.

To uphold a man’s dignity, Tang Fan quickly says, “I’m okay, I just sat for a little too long, it’ll be fine after standing for a bit.”

“Why didn’t you go inside?” asks Sui Zhou.

He repeats the same question Ah Dong raised earlier.

Tang Fan suddenly feels a little sheepish, and rubbing at his nose, he says, “I was a little tired when I came back, and thought that I’d sit here for a bit. Who knew that I would accidentally fall asleep?”

After answering, he feels that this excuse is ridiculous.

Who is Sui Zhou? Someone who works in the Northern Administrative Court and an expert in interrogations, how can he not tell if what Tang Fan is saying is a lie or the truth?

At the other person’s wordless gaze, Tang Fan feels even more sheepish.

Sui Zhou watches him for a good moment, before saying, “Let’s go back. Ah Dong, go make some ginger soup.”

Ah Dong makes a noise of assent, turning around and running back inside.

No one will reject the warmth that comes from being cared about and Tang-daren is no exception. His little complaints earlier vanish immediately as he watches Ah Dong trot back to the kitchen to make ginger soup with a smile. He feels like his quality of life has increased steadily since taking Ah Dong in as his sister.

Revelling in his happiness for a bit, Tang Fan turns around and sees that Sui Zhou’s gaze is still trained on him. He asks, “What are you looking at me for?”

“You’ve lost weight,” Sui Zhou concludes in three words after eyeing him for half a beat.

“Did I?” Tang Fan touches at his face, he himself does not feel that way at all.

“Hnn, you did,” Sui Zhou says with finality, as if answering his own question. He asks again, “When I wasn’t at home, what did you and Ah Dong eat?”

Tang Fan laughs, “What else could we have eaten? We didn’t manage to complete three meals in a day, I’ve been busy on a case recently, it’s unavoidable that I missed out on some meals.”

“And Ah Dong?”

The young lady picks that time to walk in with the steaming ginger soup, and Tang Fan half sighs and half teases, “She definitely led an even more nourishing life than I did. Sometimes she went to your house to play with your sister and was asked to stay for dinner, then for the night. Other times she ran over to the neighbours’ for dinner. The way she has been passing her days, she’s helped us saved a bit on provisions!”

Ah Dong sticks her tongue out at him before retorting, “Da-ge, who asked you to not come back so often? Sometimes I left food for you, but you didn’t come back to eat and I ended up wasting it…”

Sui Zhou interrupts her complaints and asks Tang Fan, “You haven’t had dinner yet, have you?”

Tang Fan coughs, not answering.

Seeing the situation at hand, there is nothing that Sui Zhou doesn’t understand. Without another word, he stands up and walks out.

Once he leaves the house, Tang Fan drags Ah Dong over, “Who stepped on his toes? Why does it look like someone owes him 800 strings of coins?”

Ah Dong sulks, “Who else, you owe him!”

Tang Fan rolls his eyes, “Stop joking with me, what does this have to do with your da-ge?”

“How does this not have to do with you? We finished cooking and kept waiting for you but you didn’t return, so Sui da-ge let me and Zhou jiejie eat first, he didn’t even touch his chopsticks! You tell me, he didn’t even eat, how can he be in a good mood?”

Tang Fan freezes, “He didn’t eat?”

He saw Sui Zhou and the rest of them seated earlier, about to start dinner.

Ah Dong giggles, “Of course! Sui da-ge is so loyal, and while waiting for you to come back, even when faced with a full table of food, he didn’t touch it one bit! There was also the honey grilled lamb thigh and fu rong eggs that Sui da-ge made himself! He told us to start eating first, Zhou jiejie was still trying to be courteous but I couldn’t resist. I kept drooling, so I just took my chopsticks and…”

The pitiful Tang-daren with his empty stomach, the moment he hears that, his eyes go wide and under Ah Dong’s tantalizing description, he too begins to drool.

Aiyo, if he knew he would have gone in to eat, who cares about face and pride?

Tang Run Qing, Tang Run Qing, pride cannot fill an empty stomach!

He cannot resist but reach over to pinch at Ah Dong’s face, “You little wench, you’re the one with no loyalty, shouldn’t you have left me some?”

Ah Dong retorts, maligned, “Once the honey grilled lamb dish is cold it won’t be delicious anymore! Aiya, Da-ge, you don’t say, Sui da-ge’s cooking skills are really excellent. That lamb thigh was grilled with a golden glaze and was still dripping with oil! When it was almost done, he brushed another layer of honey on it until it was grilled to a crisp. When I ate, it was still steaming hot! Not to mention how tender the meat was, I was thinking, it’s such a pity for da-ge that he will not get to eat such delicious food and no way, I have to help you eat more! So I ate four pieces in a row. I’m so full, and the fu rong egg later was good too, I just couldn’t eat anymore…”

Tang-daren’s agony has long turned into a river of grievances, “Don’t say anymore…”

“Also, Zhou jiejie made two dishes but I didn’t think much about them. I ate one mouthful and didn’t touch it anymore, and I saw that Zhou jiejie herself was unable to eat it as well. Da-ge, just between you and me, I think Zhou jiejie seems to like Sui da-ge, just like how our Ah Qiu jiejie liked you before. During the meal she kept stealing glances at Sui da-ge and he pretended not to see it, the situation was hilarious…”

Ah Dong resembles a little chicken right now, speaking as she laughs, making noises and even gesticulating, her small arms swinging and almost giving Tang-daren a bruised eye.

Tang Fan’s face turns dark suddenly, and he pokes at her, indicating for her to stop.

However, the little girl does not have the mind to listen to him, and continues to gossip about Sui Zhou and his cousin.

“Also also! I even heard Zhou jiejie asking Sui da-ge, ‘Biao-ge, do you remember the promise we made when we were younger?’” Ah Dong imitates Young Lady Zhou’s expression, slanting her eyes to the side and doing her best to portray a shy demeanour.

Tang Fan almost bursts out laughing, and although he wishes to see her continue to act it out, between siblings the principles of compassion and love holds true and so he kindly reminds her, “Ah Dong.”

Ah Dong says irritably, “What do you want, are you listening to me carefully, I’m about to get to the important part!”

Tang Fan pinches at her chin and turns her head to the back, hinting at Ah Dong to look behind her.

And she sees Sui Zhou standing there, looking at her with an expressionless face, and who knows how much he’s heard?

“…”

Ah Dong continues to play dumb, “…”

Sui Zhou shoots her an even look, “Go tend to the fire, there’s porridge on the stove right now.”

As if she was just pardoned, she almost flies as she escapes past Sui Zhou, running towards the kitchen.

Sui Zhou’s gaze lands on Tang Fan’s body.

He blinks, his expression saying ‘I have no idea what she was just talking about’ as he tries to look as innocent and pure as he can.

Sui Zhou says gently, “The ginger soup is cold.”

Tang Fan goes ‘oh’, and hurries to lower his head and drink the soup.

Inside the house, the atmosphere suddenly becomes strange and awkward. However, Tang-daren is fortunately smart and thinks quickly on his feet, immediately thinking of another topic to distract them both.

“How’s the case you went to handle this time?”

Sui Zhou drags a chair over and sits down, “We went to Jiang Xi to investigate the case regarding Ji An Fu Zhi Fu’s Huang Jing Long.”

Tang Fan straightens and asks, concerned, “What did he do?”

“Jiang Xi’s Supervisory Ambassador reported that since Cheng Hua’s 11th year, within three years, Ji An Fu imprisoned a total of more than three hundred people and they were tortured to death by Zhi Fu Huang Jing Long, but he covered the deaths up by reporting these as deaths caused by illness.”

Shocked, Tang Fan exclaims, “The gall of the man!”

Sui Zhou nods, “Yes. So the higher-ups have ordered the Department of Criminal Affairs, the ambassador and Northern Administrative Court to head there and investigate thoroughly. We were also tasked with arresting Huang Jing Long and bring him into Jing city. I was in a rush to leave the city precisely because of this.”

Tang Fan asks, “Then how was it, did everything go smoothly?”

“It was originally quite smooth in process as we had sufficient evidence that even Huang Jing Long could not refute. The total number of people he tortured to death was originally 417, including the 300 odd prisoners, there were dozens of victims who were wrongfully arrested and put into prison, then tortured to death. But when we were clearing out the corpses, we realized there were more than ten bodies missing. When we asked Huang Jing Long again, he was unable to tell us the reason for this.”

“Why?”

“We’re not certain. He insists there weren’t that many people, but the number 417 was totalled after checking with the prisoners and also the families of the deceased who came forward to report on this. Theoretically, there is nothing wrong with this number and in fact, there might be even more.”

Since Ying Zong in the Ming Dynasty, court officials have to pass the highest level of imperial examinations in order to get through the door, and what this means is that one has to pass that exam to attain the right to become an official. Of course, this is not a guarantee and to be promoted into that position, one has to have connections or have good luck. If there is a vacancy, then he can become an official, but no matter how high one rises through the ranks as an official the most they can be is a Xun Fu and there’s no way for him to enter the inner court or have any sort of commanding power.

This is why in the Ming Dynasty, everyone is squeezing their brains to be able to pass the examination.

Then again, after studying so hard for decades and even more than that, after becoming an official, everyone has differing determinations — some of them want to repay and serve their country, others want to serve the public and then there are those who want to earn more money, while others have a passion for power and want to climb even higher. All these can be understood. However, so far he hasn’t heard of anyone working so hard to become a Fourth Rank Zhi Fu official, only to go and torture his prisoners and be reported for it, his reputation destroyed.

What was his motive? Did this Huang Jing Long study so hard he became dumb instead, was forced to go mad and developed a rebellious attitude, which led to him torturing the prisoners to feel a rush of excitement emotionally?

Tang Fan finds this incredibly mind-boggling and finally understands why this case prompted the Embroidered Uniform Guards’ involvement.

“Huang Jing Long didn’t come clean about his motives?”

“He stopped speaking after he was caught and refuses to say anything,” Sui Zhou shakes his head.

After Huang Jing Long was captured and returned to the city, his mission came to a close and the rest of it, other individuals and departments will naturally follow up, which means Sui Zhou no longer has to front the case.

As they speak, Ah Dong finally comes in with bowls and the fragrance wafts over into Tang Fan’s nose with the breeze that came in via the open door. His stomach begins to hunger for food now that the ginger soup has warmed it.

“How fragrant!” Tang-daren cannot help but exclaim.

Ah Dong puts the bowl down and says, “Sui da-ge personally made this porridge, it smells really good! There’s minced meat, mushrooms, coriander and even crushed peanuts in this, Da-ge, Sui da-ge is a really good person, he’s a really good person!”

This young lady was still gossiping about Sui Zhou and his cousin from the Zhou family and after Sui Zhou heard her, she’s now trying to make amends. It’s a pity that she’s still too young and cannot think of any new and fresh vocabulary. Going in rounds, all she can do is repeat that Sui Zhou is a “really good person” several times.

Tang Fan shoots her a look but does not expose her. Instead, he lowers his head and scoops up a spoonful of boiling hot porridge. After blowing at it until it’s cool, Tang Fan then shoves the spoon into his mouth. The rice in the porridge has been cooked thoroughly under the small fire and the aroma of the meat is apparent once he eats it.

With the mushrooms and the peanuts, the taste of the porridge is improved and after he eats a spoonful he doesn’t have to chew much before his mouth is filled with a soft, fragrant substance. For Tang-daren who has been starving for a while, this is the best for his digestion.

Tang Fan doesn’t say another word and begins to eat ravenously. Seeing that, Sui Zhou too picks up his spoon to eat.

After they’re more or less done with their meal and have slowed down in their eating pace, that’s when Sui Zhou asks, “Has there been a lot to do at Shun Tian Prefecture recently?”

Tang Fan remembers the way Sui Zhou asked about him losing weight earlier and shakes his head, “Not from Shun Tian Prefecture.”

He gets Ah Dong to go to sleep first and it’s only then he tells Sui Zhou all about it. However, the case involves the inner court and there are many taboos, so even if he’s close to Sui Zhou, it’s not convenient for him to say more than is necessary. It can be more harm than good for him to know more.

Tang Fan picks a few important sections to elaborate on and the unspoken words in between his sentences, Tang Fan does not need to verbalize in explicit detail either. With Sui Zhou’s intelligence, it is only natural for him to put two and two together.

Sui Zhou listens until he’s done and is silent for half a beat as if thinking deeply. It’s only after a long moment that he speaks, “There are a lot of hidden secrets in this case that have not yet come to light. As an inner court official, Wang Zhi is unlikely to meet any trouble but for you and the position you are in, it’s best not to be involved too deep.”

What he means is clear. Wang Zhi is an inner court official and to the Emperor and Royal Consort, he’s one of their people but Tang Fan is an official outside of that. Moreover, his rank is low. If he knows too much and someone in the ranks higher than he is upset and would like to teach him a lesson, it would be as easy as to wave a hand for them to make it happen.

Tang Fan smiles, “Don’t worry, the murderer has been caught. Anything other than that I am unable to control, and that Eunuch Wang’s affairs, I will not get myself involved in the future.”

As intelligent as Tang Fan is and with all his schemes, he certainly never expected that after that, he will have countless of opportunities to interact and work with Eunuch Wang, and also that he will end up changing Wang Zhi’s shining political career and journey.

He finishes his porridge, sets the bowl aside and praises, “Ah Dong’s cooking skills are already pretty good, but your cooking is much better than hers! In comparison, I seem like a useless thing that cannot even move his four limbs!”

Amusement flashes in Sui Zhou’s eyes, “Since you have us, why is there a need for you to learn?”

You say that, but once Ah Dong marries and you find a wife, what will I do then?

The glutton that is Tang-daren does not feel any happiness at his best friend’s words, and instead becomes disappointed and worried.

Night has fallen, and the both of them chat for a while longer before heading back into their own chambers to rest.

Even though he drank the ginger soup, Tang Fan still catches a cold the next day. This bout of illness is severe, and Tang-daren is defeated by it without any exceptions.

He lies in bed and coughs repeatedly, his body heating up, the fever resulting in his complexion flushing entirely red, and his eyes are glazed.

No pain, no gain and with the pain, the reward that comes with this illness is that he doesn’t even have to head into court or work. Tang-daren is finally able to firmly apply for medical leave and enjoy being a patient at home.

Although it feels terrible to be sick, the treatment that a sick patient gets is obviously different. Someone makes his meals and then brings it right to his mouth, and he doesn’t even have to personally get water to wash his face, because someone will wet a cloth and take the initiative to help him wipe his face.

And yet, Tang-daren still does not feel happy.

Just like what’s happening right now under his eyes — he looks at the plain porridge and pickles before him and can almost feel the blandness on his tongue. He ends up imploring the person in front of him, “Can’t you give me some meat, even if it’s minced beef or some dumplings with meat?”

Sui Zhou looks at Tang-daren’s pitiful expression and feels the urge to laugh, but on the surface, he still persists with that cold, stoic look, “No.”

Tang-daren sneezes so hard his tears are about to fall. His vision becomes blurry and his nose is still itchy. The more he looks, the more pitiful Tang Fan is. Sui-baihu however, truly has a heart of steel and even with Tang Fan like this, he still does not waver. All he does is pass the bowl of porridge over to Tang-daren.

“Are you going to eat it on your own or should I feed you?”

“I’ll eat it on my own! On my own!” Tang-daren puts up his white flag and surrenders.

He’s got to be kidding! If he feeds him by the spoonful, his heroic image would be destroyed if this gets out. It’s just that seeing this bland, tasteless white porridge and the terribly salty pickles, he really has no appetite left.

At this moment, his saviour drops from the sky and lands at his feet.

Ah Dong opens the door and comes in, “Da-ge, there’s someone looking for you outside and he says he’s from the Western Depot.”

As if receiving a huge pardon, Tang Fan is about to put the bowl in his hands down but after an icy glare from Sui Zhou, he reluctantly picks it up again.

Sui Zhou beckons Ah Dong over to supervise Tang Fan, that he has to finish the bowl of porridge no matter what, before turning and walking out. He has just left the room when he sees two people approaching him. The one in the front is wearing casual clothes, but he is walking with both hands behind his back and has a look of arrogance on his face. Just one look and it’s easy to tell that this is a man with power, and Sui Zhou actually does know this person.

===

Notes:

*吉安府知府 ji an fu zhi fu

吉安府 (ji an fu) is the name of the court that Huang Jing Long is an official at. The province/city they’re in is called 吉安 (ji an) and 府 (fu) can mean manor/court/house etc. As for 知府 (zhi fu), this is an official rank name. I’m not very certain on the full list of ranks as there are just too many of them! Local courts, prefectural courts the inner courts and other departments all use different rankings and can be conferred with different titles. The only thing that consistent throughout is the ranking number/level.

*芙蓉蛋 fu rong dan

A scrambled omelette made with barbequed porok cubes, bamboo shoots, shitake mushroom and seasoning.

*表哥/表妹 biao ge/biao mei

Cousin (male) and cousin (female).

#tsomd #the sleuth of ming dynasty #成化十四年 #tsomd novel #fanzhou #fanzhou highlights #tang fan #sui zhou #ahhhh this is my fave truly!!!#so many good tidbits

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mirrorworldangel · 4 years ago

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OTP Question Meme 1

Got tagged by @r6shippingdelivery thanks for the tags!

Imma do a second one for a different OTP cus this is kinda fun.

Tagging @dimethief @lj-todd @rayearthdudette @retrodisaster @ourwarbird and anyone else who wants to try this.

(art done by @ourwarbird)

Gustave “Doc” Kateb x Julien “Rook” Nizan

DISAGREEMENTS

Who is more likely to raise their voice? Usually it’s Doc, but there are some rare occasions Rook would scream.

Who threatens to leave but never actually does? Neither.

Who actually keeps their word and leaves? Rook, he would either use a different room to sleep in or would leave to stay with someone for a few nights until one of them m up and

Who trashes the house? Because of an argument? Neither.

Do either of them get physical? Once, and it was a slap to the face. It never happened again.

How often do they argue/disagree? They would sometimes have a few disagreements and bickerings, but when it comes to big arguments that’s when everybody know shit just hit the fan.

Who is the first to apologize? Whoever feels more guilty for how they acted, which usually is the one in the wrong (once they realise that).

SEX

Who is on top? Depends on who is in the mood of controlling the other, but mostly it’s Doc.

Who is on bottom? Rook, unless Doc let’s him hold the reins. Literally.

Who has the strangest desires? Rook would think it’s him,but Doc is always the more experimentally curious.

Any kinks? Bondage, marking/biting, dirty talk, discipline, lingerie with heels, collar, riding crop, creampie.

Who’s dominate in bed? They let the mood take them.

Is head ever in the equation? Yes.

If so, who is better at performing it? Rook, he has more experience.

Ever had sex in public? Sometimes. From Doc’s office to the communal showers, where they could have their own privacy but getting the thrill of possibly getting caught.

Who moans the most? Rook, Doc likes to make as many sounds as he could from the man.

Who leaves the most marks? Both.

Who is the most experienced of the two? Both.

Do they ’fuck’ or ‘make love’? Depends on their mood.

Rough or soft? Middle ground, veering more towards rough most of the time.

How long do they usually last? Depends on the day and their stamina, but it’s not uncommon they’ll go for 2 rounds.

Is protection used? Sometimes, but mostly not.

Does it ever get boring? Never. They like to spice things up differently.

Where is the strangest place where they’d had sex? At the infirmary wards, they had to be quiet about it because there are a few operators that were asleep there. But also there was that one time at the parking lot in their car...

FAMILY

Do they plan on having children/ have children? They wanted to, but were afraid of bringing it up because of their busy lives.

If so, how many children to they want/have? One or two, twins at best.

AFFECTION

Who likes to cuddle? Both do, especially after work.

Who gets naughty in the most inappropriate places? Both, they enjoy the flirting game together to see the other getting hot and bothered,

Who struggles to keep their hands to themselves? Both, but mostly Doc with a bit of dirty talking.

How long can they cuddle until one becomes uncomfortable? No idea because I haven’t thought about that.

Who gives the most kisses? Both.

What is their favorite non-sexual activity? Spending time together. Taking walks with their pets, lounging together, and all of the simple things they do together. They also adore sight-seeing around the places whenever they are at other countries together.

Where is their favorite place to cuddle? Anywhere and anytime.

How often do they get time to themselves? Everyday after work? Weekends and day offs? Its the times they finally get to relax without worrying about work are the best.

SLEEPING

Who snores? Not snoring, but heavily breathing for Rook.

If both do, who snores the loudest? Look at the previous answer.

Do they share a bed or sleep separately? They share.

If they sleep together, do they cozy up together or lay separately? They cozy up together, Rook snuggling at Doc’s side with Doc’s arm around him.

What do they wear to bed? Sometimes in their shirts and boxers, sometimes Rook uses Doc’s button-up shirts. They would also sleep naked after sex.

Are either of them insomniacs? Not really, although if woken up from a nightmares, the other would wake up to accompany them until they go back to bed again.

Can sleeping pills be found by the bedside? Nope, no sleeping pills.

Do they wrap their limbs around each other or just lay side by side? Yeah, they wrap their limbs around each other whenever its cold. They also would lay side by side as well.

Who wakes up with bed hair? Both, although Rook is the winner here.

Who wakes up first? Both are early risers, Doc is a bit of a slower paced.

Who prepares breakfast in bed for the other? Both, whoever gets up first.

What is their favourite sleeping position? Either spooning, or one of them using the other’s chest/shoulder as a pillow.

Do they set an alarm each night? Yes, they do have to wake up for work.

Can a television be found in their bedroom? Nope. They have dogs for that.

Who has nightmares? Doc. Rook only occasionally.

Who has ridiculous dreams? Once it’s Rook saying a song verse in his sleep.

Who sprawls out and takes up most of the bed? I don’t think so? It’s mostly about the blanket hoardings.

Who makes the bed? Both, they take turns.

Any routines/rituals before bed? Both would kiss their pets goodnight after final rounds of bathroom duty and feeding. Once in bed, Doc would do the occasional reading and Rook with the social media accounts while they were snuggling with the pets that followed them to bed.

Who’s the grumpiest when they wake up? Doc. Pity him.

WORK

Who is the busiest? Doc, being the Head Medic of the team has its responsibilities and paperwork. Rook would try to help him out after Recruit trainings

Who rakes in the highest income? They seem to rank the same in Rainbow so they probably get paid the same? Or maybe because Doc is the Head Medic he earns more?

Are any of them unemployed? Nope.

Who takes the most sick days? No fucking idea.

Who is more likely to turn up late for work? Neither, they’re punctual.

Who sucks up to their boss? None, Doc would rather argue with Harry and Rook would plead at Harry until he gives in

What are their jobs? They're part of the GIGN team within the counter-terrorism group Rainbow.

Who stresses the most? Both, but Doc probably a bit more.

Are they financially stable? I think so, especially with Doc’s family background.

HOME

Who does the washing? Doc, he is a bit fussier with the type of detergent. Although Rook slowly takes over his task because Doc had to stay at work a bit later because of the paperwork.

Who takes out the trash? Whoever finds the trash full before bed or work or else the pets will have a go at it.

Who does the ironing? Both do. You gotta keep the formal uniforms crisp smooth, so why not iron too whatever other clothes need ironing.

Who does the cooking? They cook together, mostly Rook.

Who is more likely to burn the house down just trying? None, unless if they’re too stuck to their phones or had fallen asleep while waiting for the kettle, then it’s a fair game.

Who is messier? The pets.

Who leaves the toilet roll empty? Blame it on the pets.

Who leaves their dirty clothes on the floor? Military life has trained them to not keep throwing dirty clothes on the floor, amongst other things. The only exception is when they undress each other and fall in bed kissing and marking each other, they can’t be bothered to think about that in the heat of the moment.

Who forgets to flush the toilet? Neither. The fuck is this question.

Who is the prankster around the house? Again blame it on the pets.

Who loses the car keys when it comes time to go somewhere? One of the pet birds they fostered has a slight obsession with shiny things.

Who mows the lawn? They have an apartment, not a house with garden, so neither in England. If they are at the family cottage, they already had a gardener for that. But at Greece, there is no grass to mow.

Who answers the telephone? Both, but more often Rook.

Who does the vacuuming? Again Rook. This is his deal of the chores because of his habit of fostering stray animals.

Who does the groceries? Both, and they go together.

Who takes the longest to shower? None, they keep to short and efficient showers... unless they hop together under the spray.

Who spends the most time in the bathroom? Both. Being this handsome takes a lot of work. XD

MISCELLANEOUS

Is money a problem? I don’t think so.

How many cars do they own? Each had their own car, so when they start livign together they technically have two cars.

Do they own their home or do they rent? They rent an apartment near the base at England. Once they had to move to Greece, Doc took this as an excuse to buy a beach house for “family visits”.

Do they live in the city or in the country? Somewhere near a small town. Not too far from the base nor the nearest hospital in case of an emergency.

Do they enjoy their surroundings? For the most part. Surroundings are secondary, what matters the most is the company.

What’s their song? I don’t know why, but I always have the song Dandelions by Ruth B playing in my mind every time I think of them.

What do they do when they’re away from each other? If they’re away from each other that means one of them went on a mission, so they do their jobs. But they also mail each other love letters and foreign bouquets and gifts to the other back home.

Where did they first meet? When they got selected to be part of Rainbow. Though in Rook’s opinion, its at the infirmary back in France.

Who spends the most money when out shopping? Doc is extremely frugal when it comes to grocery shopping, but will easily splurge a custom made $200,000 Lamborghini in a blink of an eye to show off against NIGHTHAVEN. Rook would buy a lot of snacks and treats and toys for their pets, but is usually the one who had to control Doc on his lavish spendings just to show off.

Who’s more likely to flash their assets? If it is meant to spoil the other, then it’s Doc and his family.

Who finds it amusing when the other trips over? Rook, because it’s rare to see the orderly man stumble adorably.

Any mental issues? Yeah, Doc have PSTD (especially after Outbreak), Doc more than Rook because he had to deal with a lot of deaths head-on.

Who’s terrified of bugs? Neither.

Who kills the spiders around the house? Doc would, behind Rook’s back. While Rook would just simply find a cup and move it away by hand.

Their favorite place? Their countryside cottage in France, lend from Rook’s parents.

Who pays the bills? Both. They split it in half.

Do they have any fears for their future? Both are terrified of losing the other during a mission. Them dying is something they have more or less assumed, but the other dying? Unthinkable. Especially if they died in their arms.

Who’s more likely to surprise the other with a fancy dinner? Doc. But with a nice home-made dinner tho? Rook is the winner.

Who’s the tallest? Both have the same height I guess?

Who’s more likely to just randomly hop into the shower with the other? Both, but mostly Rook with permission.

Who wanders around in their underwear? I don’t think either of them would be probe to walking around in their underwear unless it’s for a romantic occasion.

Who sings the loudest when singing along to the radio? It would be Rook here, especially when he’s doing chores or dancing together.

What do they tease each other about? Doc would usually fuss about Rook’s weight but that is nothing to the whispers of sweet praises to Rook’s ear with a few kisses, how beautiful and sweet he is and how his loving heart could fit the whole world etc. Rook usually tease him about his motherly habits, but also cooes at how his darling “angel of grace” is always watching him.

Who is more likely to cringe at the other’s fashion sense at times? Neither, because Doc has the best taste in men’s fashion and loves to spoil Rook rotten. And Rook has good tastes that he learnt from Warden.

Who crushed first? Rook.

Any alcohol or substance related problems? Nah. But is he occasional weed brownies included?

Who is more likely to stumble home, drunk, at 3am? Both, all the Spetsnaz go drinking together as a team, so the boys stumble home drunk together.

Who swears the most? Doc at work, Rook in bed. 😄

#rainbow six siege #r6s #rook x doc #omfg this is so long

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dredshirtroberts · 3 years ago

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Tagged by @tumbleweedtech!!

What is your total word count on AO3?

Oh thank god you're asking me to look there where they calculate it for me so i don't have to try and figure it out across all eleventy-million of my fucking WIPs xD.

uhhhhh looks like...274,424 heh. that's lower than i thought but then again I post very little of what i actually write so...

How many fandoms have you written for?

On AO3? if I lump the related ones together (which i do) it's 4. If we're talking across the board in general? uh...f u c k. there's so much i haven't posted or thought about posting yet. just go ahead and like. add ten more on top of the four fandoms on AO3 i think that's about close if we're counting crossovers and inspired-bys

What were your top 5 fics by kudos?

Right Back to the Beginning

Constellations

Please, What?

Spearwort, Iris and Ash: Spearwort Yellow for Joy

Lia & Em's Adventure In Thedas Part I: The Wrath of Heaven

Do you respond to comments - why, why not?

I... want to? I try sometimes, if someone's comment touches me or came at a particularly bad time. It's overwhelming to respond to people - I'm a lurker by nature and never really grew out of the habit of teen-me knowing i wasn't supposed to be looking at the fics i was reading and so i wouldn't interact with them or the authors at all. So it can be hard to like. reconcile that I'm a fully grown adult person who is allowed to not only read and write what i enjoy but also that like. other adult people are reading and enjoying what i write? and that they'd want to tell me? I admit to also falling out of what little habit i'd started due to continued weirdly critical (yet not *negative*) comments that just. rub me the wrong way so I can't figure out how to respond? yeah.

What's your fic with the angsty-est ending?

Again I guess if we're going by what's actually posted, I'd probably have to say the Super Fucking Old fic I added from my FF.net days: A Late Summer Afternoon (hopefully that's the right link - sometimes copy and paste doesn't work the way i want). warnings for MCD. I...imagine you might be able to pick up on why that one's my angstiest ending xD I generally try to like. end my stories on a positive note? even if it's not all better yet - so the second angstiest would be Color of Your Eyes or Have This probably. Likely more Have This over Color of Your Eyes but they're both relatively tame as compared to my earliest writing xD

Do you write crossovers?

Uh...yes but i haven't posted any yet. Most of the reason nothing I write gets posted is because I am incapable of writing small projects and I get nervous about posting chapters before i know where i story is going yet because i feel like i can't edit if it's been posted? Anyway I'm going to try and get over that eventually. Not right now, though. I still have to edit some stuff.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Hate is a strong word. I...assume most people who have commented mean well, regardless of how their comments may come off to me on my end. Several have rubbed me the wrong way due to phrasing and an inability to read tone over text-based communication, but I refuse to believe they would have kept reading if they didn't like most of the story. Certainly it has been generally positive feedback across the board so I don't feel comfortable at all calling any negative comments i've received (intentional or not) "hate"

Have you ever had a story stolen?

As far as I'm aware, no. Thankfully I tend to write shit that people just don't care that much about so I'm pretty safe I think. Watch that come bite me in the ass xD

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nah. I hope one day to be proficient in my target language and will be able to translate my own fics myself but see aforementioned note about how no one really cares that much about what i write xD it won't happen unless i do it myself.

What is your all time favourite pairing?

You want me? to pick favorites? in THIS economy?

What is a fic you would like to finish but don't think you ever will?

currently none are looking like "never gonna finish"es which is good. RBttB sat unfinished for a long while and I probably won't polish the ending on that one, but it's technically done. I also don't want to finish that one either so. it wouldn't have fulfilled the requirements of the question.

Writing strengths?

You want me? to compliment myself? in THIS econo- alright alright i know, it's a terrible joke. Uh...I understand i'm pretty good at smut. and descriptions? i think? I feel like my humor is unparalleled but that's also because i'm pretty sure i'm the funniest person in my apartment (we'll just casually not mention i live alone...) Seamless integration of current and historical memes? Puns? i don't know. i am super confident about writing but i couldn't tell you for sure what i'm actually strong at.

Writing weaknesses?

uh. Getting anything finished. endings. d i a l o g u e. writing. flow. pacing. repetition. writing. see what i did there? i told you my humor was awesome. no but really i struggle with actually starting to write and then it ends up being a lot of me repeating myself a bunch until i find the sentence or four that work best. and like. my pacing is weird so it can be hard to...figure out what i'm trying to say? oh and commas. i use commas wrong.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages?

I enjoy the shit out of it. I know it's not everyone's cup of tea but I try really hard to get it right. if I'm not 100% positive it's correct I will change the whole sentence. mostly because i only know a handful of people who know languages other than English and I am bad at reaching out for help when I need it. mostly the second part though.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

YuYu Hakusho! A friend and I wrote this epic fucking self-insert not-quite-isekai style fanfic back and forth in notebooks back in the 6th grade (which was about...oh. nearly 20 years ago jesus i'm old). Only one of my notebooks survived when she decided anime was demons and the devil trying to tempt her away from Jesus so a lot of the story was lost. It was also in pencil so it's half worn out of the notebook as it is. then there was the phase i went through where i decided i could make my notebooks more interesting by cutting them into shapes which lost me a bit of text in the margins that i'd forgotten about... look we're mostly lucky i had it at all or that i've kept it all these years. Why do i still have it?...hm.

What's your favourite fic?

Of mine? So far it's probably a toss-up between Spearwort, Iris and Ash and Lia & Em's Adventure in Thedas. you know. My two biggest projects Oh...oh possibly also the Current-Reworking-The-Title fic I've started that I've not posted anything of yet in the Arcana fandom. Which is also a huge major project. I don't write small if I can help it, apparently.

of someone else's? You want me? to choose favorites? in THIS- yes i know that's the same joke three times. I think it changes based on what I need most out of my fic reading experience. I have an extensive bookmark collection on AO3. one of them in there's probably holding a spot as favorite, most likely.

Tagging: @concertconfetti, @daughterofdungeonbat, and anyone else who wants to do this! If you want a specific tag to do this, please LMK and i'll tag you <33

#about me #tag game #writing #the captain writes #tagged by

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monchikyun · 4 years ago

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18. where have you been all this time

(the third part of “the sun, the moon and all the stars, direct sequel to “creature most vile and despicable”)

At first, Gavin doesn’t notice the soft knocking, as he’s busy being hypnotised by the steam rising from the scalding coffee, not caring about the unbearable heat that he has submitted his palms to, just because he needs at least a small fracture of comfort. He didn’t get enough sleep last night, since the girls’ rest is always a bigger priority than his own. Always making sure they’re not suffering inside their dreams, even if his abilities can’t reach this far. It doesn’t work often, but sometimes, he gets lucky. Maybe the bed-time story helped or maybe they were just too tired to be bothered by some pointless nightmares. Still, Gavin hasn’t slept since this hell started, despite succeeding in providing the blessed escape to his children. That’s why when he does hear something unusual, he contributes it to his fuzzy brain that has tendencies to imagine things that aren’t there. Only when he realises it won’t stop, that it’s too loud and too distinct to be a hallucination, he goes to the door with a deep breath stuck in his throat. He can just about see a silhouette painfully familiar not to put his hopes way too high. And when he turns the lock and lets the visitor in, he can’t even see him properly through the tears. But it doesn’t matter, because the one thing he wanted more than life itself has come true.

Connor is back. Not a mirage, not an illusion, not his depraved mind’s wishful thinking. He’s here, in flesh and blood, not a limb missing. The light of his life has finally returned home. He doesn’t wait a second more and takes him in his arms, needing the last reassurance that this is indeed a reality. It reminds him of how much he missed the stupid android, how much he dreamed of this moment. He could die like this, whole and complete.

They fall to the ground and hold onto each other for what might have been five minutes or an hour, he can’t really tell. When they separate, Gavin takes a good look at Connor to see if he can get a single answer from his features before they get to the inevitable part – him asking what happened all worryingly and Connor explaining the atrocities he had to endure while he was trapped somewhere or worse. But there is the other option, the one he hasn’t dared to consider. Connor might have left willingly, needing space for himself and thought it best to not let anyone know. But in spite of making this awful theory, he doesn’t believe his husband is the kind of person who would do something this outrageous, under any circumstances. Besides, they have been happy, truly and undeniably so. He could feel it in his bones, in the gentle gestures and all the untamed laughter. Though that only confirms that someone hurt Connor, kept him somewhere against his will, and he can imagine a million cruel things being done to him that make him want to scream. So he prays that no matter how improbable it might sound, it was Connor’s own decision to disappear for a while.

He immediately knows that it’s not the case when he notices at the unnatural paleness on Connor’s face, the way his face falls on itself, trying to put an end to the tears. The spinning red on his temple betraying that something is horribly wrong. He whispers a comforting “I love you” to him and leads him into the living room so he can make a sense of what really happened to him.

The shaken android desperately leans to him, refusing any distance between them. So Gavin places a finger over the blaring LED ring, drawing soothing circles as if that would make it turn blue.

“Where have you been all this time?” The question is quiet, uncertain, like he doesn’t really want to hear the story. But he has to, because it burns in his chest - the fact that he has no clue of what Connor went through, that he can’t take it back and make it go away as if putting a band-aid on a scraped knee. It doesn’t work like that, he’ll probably carry it with him for the rest of his life.

“I… I don’t know.” Okay, this is unexpected. “My memory has been corrupted. Someone must have tampered with my system.” Gavin can hear how much this hurts him through the tremble in his voice, the sadness engraved in his face. This doesn’t make this situation all that much better. Who knows what they could have done to him, what’s even possible when Connor is one of the most advanced androids in the world.

Gavin connects their hands, not sure what he can do to help.

“I’m sorry.” It should be him who says it, not the other way around. He’s suddenly overwhelmed by fear, afraid of what hides behind the three words.

“They didn’t erase just the three weeks, Gavin. There is so much I can’t remember.” Connor looks at him with utter guilt written all over him, acting like all of this is his fault.

“I… I can’t recall how this all began, or how long have we been together, stuff like that. All details of my life have been blurred out. But it’s only the information, never the feeling. No one can ever touch those.” This revelation stings, it cuts deeps inside his heart, but the joy of having Connor back is insurmountably larger, able to alleviate this fresh ghost of pain.

Because in the end, it’s not all that important. They are surrounded by their past, the proof of it is the home they have built together. Every single item is full of memories Gavin can share with him anew. All the photos and the little trinkets commemorating every significant occurrence are still here and will be for as long as this house stands. What is lost can sometimes be discovered again. And it’s not like won’t take him to a repair centre the soonest he’s able to let go of him. Maybe they’ll be able to fix him there. And even if not, Connor is still Connor, the lovable idiot he can’t live without.

“Gavin… do we… do we have children?”

So that’s the next few hours figured. After all, the girls have missed him as much as Gavin has, and it would kill them to know that their favourite parent doesn’t even remember their names anymore.

But they will make this work like they managed to solve all the other issues they encountered before coming so far. It’s just a hitch in their happily ever after, and as long as they’re alive, nothing can break them.

@convinseptember a day late but that’s to be expected xD

#convinseptember #convin #I can't live without (somewhat) happy endings :D #sorry it's late #maybe I'll continue this some day or at least expand on this story idk

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suueeeeeee · 4 years ago

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Superhuman.

Warnings: mentions of death, cursing, I don’t know what else xD.

A\N; so this is like my second or third time writing so no judging! This is a part of Cavillanche writing challenge, but I’ve been too lazy to do it, so here it is! hope you all like it.

Word count: 3155.

🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

Looking over Gotham’s bright lights again was a dream that Anna never really knew it would come true. Last time she was in the city was when she was merely a few years old, so it was all a distant memory that she barely remembers. She smiled as the tall, clouds-ripping sky scraper came into the view and all that she could only do was let her mind fall back to her late parents. However, she was soon ripped off of her thoughts as she heard the pilot’s announcement of the nearing land. She was bouncing her legs from how excited she was to be back home to her favourite two people. With her assistants following behind her as she departure the jet, smiling widely as the two men finally come into her view as they’re waiting for her down the plane’s stairs.

Last two or three steps may have been a delusion to her as she skipped past them, nearly knocking her tall brother over. Laughing loudly both of them, twirling and as everyone seemed to be moving past them, they stayed in their tight embrace, not seeming to have yet gotten bored.

“well well well, if it isn’t for the old Bruce Wayne.” She teased as they finally let go of each other and she stood back on her high heels covered feet.

“well well well if it isn’t for the biggest child on earth.” Bruce shot right back at her as he looked at her with a faint smile that could only be seen once in a few hundred years.

Bruce never smiled, never once uttered a joke or had a fun light hearted conversation with anyone in the whole world except for Alfred and Anna. When their parents died leaving a 15 year-old Bruce in charge of his only 8 months’ sister, it was as if the whole world had stopped. What the hell was he supposed to do? Where to go? What would happen to them? Having to face the cruelty of the world very soon in age, Bruce realized how dangerous Gotham can be, especially for the lots like him and Anna, and he couldn’t bear the fact of losing her as well as their parents. Therefore, he made the toughest decision someone could ever take. He sent her abroad to be raised and educated and promised himself that the moment he makes Gotham safe, Anna would be back home, in his arms.

But much to his displeasure, the moment she graduated it was decided that she would go back to Gotham, no matter how many arguments they had over the phone, or how many warnings Bruce had sent. He knew that his sister grew into that beautiful young woman that had an extraordinary mind of her own, and a very stubborn one at that, so when he saw that there were no point in stopping her, he decided on the lesser evil and have her back to protect her as she stayed right beside him.

She glanced behind Bruce, looking at Alfred, not their butler no, Alfred was her father, he raised her, he gave them the unconditioned love of both parental figures.

“Aren’t you going to welcome me, Al?” she grins, heading to crash him in a hug and she feels his chest vibrating with a small chuckle at the nickname that she still called him.

“How could I not miss Wayne?” smiles as she pulls back, looking at him with a small pout.

“Are you ever going to stop calling me that?” she sighs as she shakes her head at him, not believing that he never even once in her lifetime called her by her first name.

“I don’t think so.” He winks at her as he points to her assistants and guides them to the car where they load all of her luggage and bags. She clings to Bruce’s side, linking her arms with him as they both walk together.

“What’s up with you?” Bruce glances down at her as he feels her tight grip around his arm and her clinginess are being doubled up.

“Nothing, I just really missed you and I’m happy to finally be back.” She shrugs, looking up at him with a sincere smile. He wraps his arms around his shoulders, pulling her closer to him.

“Put your face down and be ready.” He mumbles, knowing that a crowd of paps are going to be surrounding the airport and he wanted to stay low as much as possible. She nods, looking down, with her sunglasses over her eyes to hide her and her hands over her head, and that was enough until they got in the car and started heading home.

“Wow, it’s still intense as ever.” She lets out a breath of relief as they manage to dodge the nosey reporters. Bruce nods her head and looks outside the window, and as if on cue, she senses his discomfort, placing her hand over his knee.

“Are you alright?” she asks quietly as she looks at him with a look of concern, but he only shrugs her off and smiles trying to reassure her, yet she knows her brother better than to be fooled by that act.

“Bruce, I can tell that there’s something bothering you. What is it?” she raised an eyebrow at him, and for a second he was speechless. What would he say? Oh yeah, just plotting a plan to get rid of that clown in the blue and red suit? He decided against it and looked back out of the window, causing her frown to deepen. She glanced at Alfred in the mirror and he just nodded his head which meant that he would be telling you later.

The moment they got home, she felt the jet lag kicking in and she excused herself to her room. She ignored all the servants the wanted the room to unpack her stuff and she just went straight for the bed, informing everyone not to wake her up for any reason, even if it was dinner. After a good 14 hour-nap, she woke up I the middle of the night, feeling thirsty and in need of some food. She wrapped a robe around her tiny figure and went to the kitchen, she noticed that the place was too quiet, it was 3 a.m in the middle of the night after all, but she didn’t find Bruce nor Alfred in their rooms.

She grinned as she knew it only meant one thing. They’re in the batcave. She only saw Bruce in the suit a handful of times, but she was still overwhelmed by the sense of pride, protection and fear. She headed to the cave, only to hear their angry voices. She decided that it was the best idea to stay back and listen, since she knew that they would’ve been talking about whatever’s been pissing Bruce off.

“Master Wayne, this is not right.” Alfred said calmly, yet his voice was full of rage.

“What do you want me to do Alfred? leave that clown fly around with his super power that only god knows its limit? I will not allow it.” Bruce practically yelled and she could only assume they were talking about one clown.

Superman. Oh how Bruce hated him, she never understood why though. She looked up to him, she always thought he was just a man seeking acceptance amongst the human race. She respected him deeply for the fact that he wasn’t obligated to protect them, yet he did and people still hate him. She could never voice her thoughts to Bruce cause he would’ve disowned her right away.

“I’m not going to sit around and watch him destroy everything again. He did it once. Who knows what he’ll bring next.” Bruce speaks calmly and she sees something shiny, something green? She frowns, trying to have a better look.

“and you think that having the only means to kill him is the best option?” Alfred speaks up again and she gasps, making both men turn to her direction. She comes out from behind the big wall and she stares at Bruce and disbelief. “K…kill him?” she whispers with teary eyes as she looks at him with a look of both horror and confusion. Bruce frowns more and looks at her,

“You don’t understand. He…” he tried to reason with her, but she cut him off.

“No! I completely understand. I knew you hated him Bruce, but not to this extinct! This is wrong! I won’t let you!” she glares at Bruce, yelling at him in a tone she’s never used it with him ever once in her life.

“I’m trying to protect us. I won’t kill him. This is just a safety precaution.” He looks at her with a serious look.

“that guy who killed our parents, he knew he had a gun, he had the intention. What’s the difference between you two now?” she spoke in a monotone voice, she knew she hit a nerve for Bruce, but she couldn’t just let him fall into that place. Her brother wasn’t a murderer, but she knew he wasn’t in his best state the last couple of years. His demons were getting the best of him, and she was trying to help but being far from him wasn’t that much of an aid. He told her that she was the last thread he was hanging to for his own sanity. She was trying, but standing and seeing someone innocent die wasn’t a part of the deal.

She left behind a hurt Bruce and a shocked Alfred and she went back to sleep, However, that night she couldn’t blink an eye, far too engrossed in her thoughts. After a few hours, she finally went back to sleep, only to be awoken 2 hours later at 9 a.m.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She groaned as she felt someone quietly shake her.

“Go away or you’re fired.” She mumbles to whoever maid was trying to wake her up from her peaceful slumber. She heard a deep chuckle, then feeling the bed dig down.

“This is why I’m always the one waking you up, miss Wayne.” Alfred spoke with a small smile, placing the ray of breakfast next to her. She hummed at the smell and looked at him with only an open eye.

“Cause I would never fire you.” She smiles at him, sitting up in bed and feels her stomach growl at the sight of food. Alfred pats her head and gets up to leave the room, but she quickly stops him.

“Ummm….. Where’s Bruce?” she asks, quietly, looking down at the toast, feeling a little it ashamed of what she said the previous night.

“He left very early, having to attend to some business. And also, he’s informing you that he’s throwing you a welcome party this evening so get ready.” Alfred sends her a small smile then leaves the room before she even starts to protest which she ,both, internally and externally groans about.

“God, I hate that stuff.” She huffs to herself and starts to eat in silence. She decided to go back to sleep, still not fully recovered from her long flight. She decided to leave all the preparations to Alfred an the maids and just spoil herself with extra hours of beauty sleep.

The night rolls in and she starts getting ready by putting on an off-shoulder long black dress, with a slit from the side that reaches her mid thigh. Her ears and hands, decorated by the finest designs of jewelries. She absolutely despised those galas, because of the amount of hypocrisy that stands within those snobby rich bastards, who all come to kiss their asses for some sort of an investment. She puts on a fake smile all the way, mentally applauding herself for surviving and even making a speech about oh how she’s so happy to be back to her beloved city with them all. She was in the middle of a conversation with some empty headed rich heiresses of other companies when she spotted Bruce talking to someone who seemed to be a reporter.

“Is everything alright?” She smiled at the two men, placing her hand on Bruce’s arm. She looked at the other man, biting her lip instantly. He was a piece of work, tall, masculed, deep blue eyes, black hair, cute glasses. She was blushing as she noticed that she’s been staring at that handsome stranger. She cleared her throat as she felt her face and neck turn red, extending her hands to him.

“Anna Wayne, nice to meet you.” She smiles, flirtatiously at him, with a sultry expression that screams to just let him take her right where they were standing.

He smiles softly, glancing at Bruce who was deeply frowning at the situation, before deciding to take her hands in his, pressing a soft kiss to its back, noticing how small and soft they are. They seem to be in a world of their own, only to be rudely interrupted by Bruce’s voice.

“Mr. Kent has already taken his statement. We shall go.” He doesn’t wait for any of them to respond and just pulls Anna with him, but she looks back at Clark with a strange feeling.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Months after Anna’s safe return to Gotham, she dives into work, deciding that it was about time she helped Bruce out with the business, sometimes taking over as he went off and played hero, she never minded though, she knew he was doing good, but the whole subject about yhe Kryptonite and Superman hunted her. Will Bruce be really doing that? Is he really considering finishing superman off?

She shook off those thoughts and she knew that they were just empty threats. Bruce always did those whenever he was angry. That confrontation night between them both now long gone, along with the mean words she threw.

It was one rainy night when all hell broke loose. She was just back from some late night conference calls at the company, with aching feet from the herls she’s been enduring all day, to find a very anxious Alfred, pacing back and forth. The moment she steps inside the house, he stares at her not knowing what to say.

“What’s wrong?” She frowns, walking to the fridge, pulling out a bottle of water with her back to Alfred, but when she doesn’t get a response, a bad feeling seeps into her. She turns to look at Alfred, who has this lost look on his face. “What is it?” She insists, putting the bottle down, looking at him seriously.

“It seems like Master Wayne has decided to finish the business with superman.” Alfred speaks quietly and her face goes pale. That could only be summed into one possibility . A one that she didn’t want to think about. She trusted Bruce, she knew what he was capable of, but that was superman we’re speaking off. He was literally a Superhuman with a power of 1000x men combined. If he wanted Bruce down, he would take him in one shot.

All she could think about was that she was running to her car in the pouring rain, bare feet, with Alfred calling after her. She drives off into the dark night, turning on the GPS she has on him. She asked Alfred to secretly connect her devices to the GPS in all of Bruce’s suits and batmobiles. She drives off to the port and runs around like a maniac, with a soaked dress, scratched, blooded and cut feet from the harsh floor and a tear stained face. She looks everywhere until she spots the green light and runs there.

“STOP!” She screams, climbing up the destroyed remains of buildings. Bruce whips his head around at the sound of his sister and watches in disbelief as she throws her body over the huge mass of the man with the blue suit. She looks up at Bruce with red eyes.

“Don’t do it. You’d be no better than those criminals.” She begs with a weak voice, trying to get to Bruce, trying to get to the inside of him. Not that harsh appearance of a man that was leaning before her.

“Anna, it’s not the same. Move.” He growls at her, which only makes her tighten her grip around Superman, looking at his vulnerable face, feeling both sad and angry. She looks up at Bruce again, with a look of determination and anger.

“You’ll have to go through me. I won’t let you.” She spits when she hears him whimper behind her. “Save Martha.” He lets out, gasping, making the two siblings look at each other with a stunned expression. Bruce pushes past her only to hold him by his collar, while she still tries to process what he would mean.

“Why did you say that name?!” Bruce yells so loud that echoes can be heard far away and Anna stand in front of them, wanting to move but for some reason she seems to be tied down. Immediately, a woman comes running in, separating Bruce from Superman.

“That’s his mother’s name!” She gasps as she examines Superman’s body and tries to stop the killing expression on Bruce’s face. He steps back next to Anna and glances at her, seeing as she wrapped her arms around herself, frowning but still somewhat of a frightened expression on her face.

“Lex said he would kill her if I didn’t fight you. I was trying to explain.” Superman coughs out as the woman next to him tries to support him to stand up. You share a look with him, then quickly look at Bruce, who sighs and closes her eyes as if thinking.

“I’ll save her, you go deal with Lex.” Bruce grumbles, taking off at once. You look at him and release a breath you didn’t know you’ve been holding. All of a sudden, you feel your legs goving out underneath you, as all of the action that happened started to take a toll on you. You prepare yourself to be hit to the ground, instead you land on a soft body. You look up, seeing the red ‘S’ symbol and you smile gratefully at him.

“Why are you being so nice to me?” He whispered as he stroked your face gently, looking at you with a look that was mixed with love, confusion and appreciation. She looked at him with a small smile and uttered out with the last bit of energy she had left.

“Because you’re more human than the rest of us.” She whispers.

@cavillanche

#CavillancheWritingChallenge #henry cavill x reader #henry cavill #henry cavill fics #henry cavill fanfic #superman #clark kent #clark kent x reader #bruce wayne #batman

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laufire · 4 years ago

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@thepawnhits asked: I was wondering if you could go into further detail about your comment under the murphystartedthefire about murphy stans who hate emori?

(I hope you don’t mind that I answered over here; it’s just that this post got long enough to merit a read more and I’ve seen tumblr mess up with those in ask posts as of late smh ¬¬)

I know this might come across in ways I don’t intend to-- I’m not here to tell anyone how they define their fan experience; this is specifically about how I see the fandom spectrum. If someone wants to call themselves a Murphy stan and hate on Emori I’ll simply assume we have a different definition of the term and that they have remarkably bad taste xD and move on.

On that vein: according to my vision of what a stan is, I would never see someone that hates Emori as a Murphy stan.

There are wildly different ways to love a character, and stanning is only one of them, and the rarest one at that, IMO. Sometimes we think we love a character (or like them, or have “come around” to them), to discover later that it wasn’t so. I know it’s happened to me a few times (and I take pride in knowing myself quite well, overall, lol), that looking back I ended up thinking, well --in hindsight, I didn’t love them that much. For example, I would’ve count Daenerys as one of my favourites in the ASOIAF books, maybe even number one at some points, and I did like her on the show whenever I tuned in (not that often). However, I’m not enraged about her ending, and in fact I appreciate quite a lot of what the GOT finale did. Because though I like Daenerys, I was willing to trade her for other characters and other developments that mattered more to me when it counted --at the very end. Because I liked Daenerys, maybe loved her even, but I did not stan Daenerys (that I reserved for Cersei lmao).

Stanning, to me, is something quite unique and nebulous to define, but it more or less comes down to this: you nterpret the story through that character, other characters & how they affect them included (you will ship different ships if you stan a character vs. if you merely like them, IMO); they’re your number one priority to the point you’d “betray” your loyalties to other characters you like (if you’re capable to even like them in the first place, if they’re in the way of your fave. I happen to be, which creates a lot of conflict in my fannish life until the endgame comes and all bets are off lmao, but not everyone is and they probably have an easier time of it xD); and you want them to have the BEST, richest storyline, to get everything they say they want and more (and the keyword here is “say”, because if you stan a character you will take what they say at face value; you won’t doubt their POV, you won’t think they’re ~misguided and need to be “taught a lesson”, that they need to fundamentally change who they are at their core. You’d love them as they are because stanning is a fucking ridiculous state of being), even when it looks like it’s way beyond their reach.

Stanning is also very self-centered of us fans. All fannish love is, I guess. We don’t love characters the way we love people (not the ones we love genuinely, beyond ourselves, at least). It goes through a filter of what WE think and want too, because characters aren’t real people and their well-being only matters in-so-far as we’ve latched onto them. Fannish love is different from person to person, but one thing that’s true for my type of stanning is that “happiness”, as in the character being easily “content” matters a lot less to me than them winning. So whether or not a most interesting ship from them happens to bring them heartbreak once in a while... so what, as long as it brings real, tangible benefits to their storyline? With second-rate characters I like I might say “oh, that ship is nice, it makes them happy, it’s convenient for them”, etc. With my OTPs and my faves that’s not even in my radar. I want victory, not contentment, ffs.

Another thing it’s important to take into account and that I rarely if ever see fandom mentioning is that where a character is positioned in the narrative conditions how you love them. It’s not the same to start out the show with Clarke as your number one fave (even if boy, did she took a few hits in the meantime), or even Octavia and Bellamy (... same with him), than if you latch onto Raven, Murphy, etc. They weren’t quite at the bottom of the barrel, there were always characters way below them, but they were positioned explicitly below other characters in their introductions.

Fans adjust their expectations when they love secondary characters like that, whether they’re able to admit it or even realize it. We expect them to get less than the leads, because that’s how hierarchies work. Most of the time we’re right, but sometimes there are ~shakeups, and The 100 is one of those times, IMO. Because of that, Murphy got a lot more of what would’ve been expected in s1. Faced with that, fans need to reajust, but some can’t. Depending on how risk-averse they are, they might fear that their fave is getting something that’s not their “due” according to the initial structure, and that means they’ll be “punished” for it and have it, at the very least, taken away. The bigger they are, the harder the fall, etc. Personally I happen to like the risk --no risk, no reward--, and this ~timid way of loving your number one doesn’t align with my view of stanning characters at all *shrug*. Like, what the fuck is the point if you’re gonna settle for mediocrity xD

Now, wrt Memori specifically.

I have alluded to this in several post in the past; here I talk a little bit about Memori as a narrative that uplifts Murphy, for example. That, to me, it’s the gist of it. Memori is AMAZING for Murphy’s storyline. AMAZING. It’s THE romance of the show, period. It does wonders for his character, it’s made him The Romantic Hero (which is the most flattering way a male character can ever come across IMO), it’s made him pull outstanding stunts. Memori brings the most of Murphy, and as someone that loves Murphy, I love Memori for it (among other many reasons, like the fact that it’s very much My Type of ship).

Somehow people claim that because she was “mean” (...) to him in s5 that’s a bad relationship for him and... lmfao. EVEN if I thought they said that in good faith (ha!); EVEN if I agreed with them in their reading of the ship (ha!)... MEMORI IS NOT A REAL RELATIONSHIP.

MEMORI IS A FICTIONAL PAIRING. I don’t give a fuck about “healthy”, and I don’t see the vast majority of fans do either; not when push comes to shove, not about the ships that truly matter to them, their OTPs, and not just their ~casual pairings. I don’t want Memori to be a conflict-free storyline, because I think it would be an objectively worse ship if it was. Sometimes the conflict will be Memori vs. the world. Sometimes it’ll be Emori vs. Murphy. I think both have merit and both had done a lot of good for the ship.

So then, I question: why would people who love Murphy (or claim to, or genuinely think they do but), hate on Emori and think she’s the worst thing that’s happen to him, in the face of the overwhelming proof of the contrary?

One option is that, like I say, they find Memori to risky, to beyond Murphy as he was introduced in s1 (this fandom is even more stuck in s1 mentality than most I’ve encountered, and that’s saying something). It could be, though I haven’t seen clear examples of it.

What I have seen are examples of people that, for a variety of reasons, aren’t being quite truthful about their priorities, tbh. This will sound presumptous on my part but I can’t bring myself to care because I’m quite tired of this fandom; it’s repetitive af, even if I weren’t to take into account that I have been in several fandoms, even if often as a mere lurker, and I’ve seen all of this before, over and over again. I’m TIRED people xD

I’ll be blunt: this attitude, comes from CLARKE’s stans, not Murphy’s. People whose priority is Clarke, and that think she should be centered in the show (usually with Bellamy/Clarke as the ship they use to channel it --the ones that go for Lexa don’t seem as keen on invading Emori and Memori’s tags but they might be out there too). Potentially I could see it from Bellamy stans too (though frankly, on the vein of this post, my definition of a stan wouldn’t ship Bellamy with Clarke lol); so far Memori and Bellamy aligned quite well in canon, but all the s7 could change that and turn into resentment.

Because that’s what I think it is in a lot of cases: resentment. Resentment that Murphy and Emori get a Romance, capital letters, while their own ship is... well. While their ship isn’t. I’ve seen this happen in other fandoms and that’s all there is: petty jealousy. Why can’t my fave enjoy this?? Which, btw, is a sentiment I can sympathy with? It’s the way they try to pass it for something more that annoys me LOL.

And tbh I think that’s what a lot of Murven “shipping” comes from (and even that short moment of Murphy/Echo shipping I remember from s5 lol): it’s not genuine, passionate shipping; it’s convenience shipping that doesn’t own up to it. Now, I think there are Murven shippers out there that are passionate about it; I myself like it a little, even if only in a fanon context (and preferably in a thruple lol), but a.) I’ve happened to see those more often than not multiship Memori too either way, and b.) you can tell a lot of those shippers aren’t genuine by their reactions to the Murven scene in late s6 IMO: they HATED it, not because of the admittedly cringy dialogue lol, but because they were there for each other in a way that didn’t account for Clarke. That scene, which by all accounts should’ve been shipping fodder, was derided and hated on, because to a lot of Clarke stans the ship is just a way to get Murphy into a less potent ship, with the added benefit of keeping those women they feel threatened by away from Bellamy. Win-win.

This is a tangent, but hell, if anything I think having getting canonically paired with Raven would’ve been potentially terrible for Murphy’s narrative. Remember when I say stans take their fave at their word? It’s similar for writers: when writers truly respect a character, they take them at their word. In male characters especially, there’s one way this manifests, and it’s in their romantic storylines: the lead guy (or any guy with real narrative capital) loves One Girl, and One Girl only (if he hesitates between more he’s a no good wishy-washy and weak-willed jerk and the writers can even come to dislike him for it). There’s no version of his story that can look truly victorious if she doesn’t love him back and they don’t get their endgame, period. So when writers “stan” that character, in the particular way writers do, they give him just that: Peak Romance.

If the writers had pulled from Memori to write him with Raven, two things could’ve happen: either it’d happen humiliating Raven for Emori, or the other way around (yes, as fandom we can imagine other scenarios. In actual canon F/M/F triangles almost invariably go like that, sadly). If it’d happened before s6, I would’ve said Emori getting the short end of the stick was a more likely option, though now I’m not so sure. Either way, both scenarios would make Murphy Look Bad for hurting a girl’s feelings (yes, Murphy has killed people. But like I’ve said, Romantic Hero is what looks best and you CAN’T be a romantic hero if you seriously spurn a girl, even if it’s not your #1 girl. Writers are ridiculous but this pattern holds over and over smh). It would’ve been even WORSE if said girl was Emori, because it means the writers no longer respected Murphy’s POV and his priorities. It would change the core of Murphy’s character because Memori was written into his DNA, no turn backs, the way Bellamy as Octavia’s Big Brother was on his, for example.

Aaaaaanyway. I hope this has shined some light on what I meant lol. But I guess it can be summarized with: in terms of pure narrative, Emori has been consistently great for Murphy’s character. Why would you hate her if you love him, in the way a stan loves?

#memori #the 100 #john murphy #emori #thepawnhits #t100 thoughts #replies #talking to the void #my thoughts #favourites: the powah of lurve #you WISH your faves could ever

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newtshairdryer · 5 years ago

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Thoughts on Descendants 3 as I watch it for the 8th time and pause to look at everybody all the time

- When Ben and Mal are walking out before the proposal, Audrey is slow clapping and it’s hilarious

-Chad seems genuinely happy to see them together but Audrey rains on his parade

-Please look at Chad’s face to the side after Ben gets on his knee his overdramatic gaping mouth is SENDING ME

-Why do they make Belle and the Beast kiss beside each other’s cheeks like a french greeting? For real though they’re Belle and the Beast...they should be kissing in celebration .-.

-Right after the Carlos/Beast chest bump there’s an extra in the background of Bal just having a blast popping bubbles

-Speaking of the bubbles I have no clue where they’re coming from

- Dude in the background when Audrey says ”What is wrong with you people?” bein shady AF to her

-That one girl in the wheelchair that has been in every single movie needs a name cause we all just refer to her as that one girl in the wheelchair lol

-Mal has her own purple fucking limo and she’s not even royalty yet

-Their money is so vibrantly coloured

-Those cards Celia fan out are definitely, well, a fan. They’re all attached- she’s not even holding onto some of them lol

-Mal resting her chin on Ben’s shoulder to watch him and Celia in the limo. soft

-The scenes in the limo make Ben look really big and awkward because they’re all shoved into a small space and he’s in the middle where the smallest person usually goes...but he’s the biggest person XD

-The barrier takes forever to close and there are a ton of people right there, why has no one attempted to just jump through it yet lol

-What if Hades put his hand through the barrier and it just like...cut it off LMFAO now THAT would have been entertaining

-Hades literally makes himself roll one more time as he’s pushed back. Like there’s no more momentum and you can see he should stop but he makes himself do another somersault and it’s so obvious lol

-I know it’s been said before but the lack of security in the museum is just lazy AF writing. They didn’t even try to make it realistic it’s way too easy to just waltz in and take anything. Apparently the wand is the only thing worthy of an alarm

-Also why is there not even glass around the scepter to even attempt to discourage people from taking it? Even when the museum is OPEN someone could yank it out and start spelling shit up.

-Ben’s phone rings and he hangs it up less than a second after he picked it up- it doesn’t even show him barely looking at it. How on earth did he have time to see a message about the stolen items- let alone the fact it was a phone call ring...not a text ping

- OK WAIT IF UMA IS ON THE LOOSE AND HE TALKED ABOUT BETTER SECURITY SERIOUSLY WHY ON EARTH IS THE MUSEUM SECURITY SO NON EXISTENT??? IN BOTH THE FIRST MOVIE AND THIS ONE THEIR LACK OF SECURITY IS SUCH A GLARINGLY OBVIOUS THING WHY IS IT NON EXISTENT IT MAKES NO SENSE

-Why are the former King and Queen of Auradon and the current reigning King turning to the not yet Queen for all the advice about evil like it’s her responsibility. They don’t even attempt to brainstorm the vast amount of other ideas. And why on earth can’t she just suggest uh...literal guards by the barrier when it opens for them? Like if they paid people on the isle to guard the barrier so other isle people didn’t try to get out it would help a ton. There are so many other solutions other than closing the barrier completely (and then getting rid of it completely??)

-Does anyone else notice that like...50% of Ben’s screen time is him staring in shock/disbelief at things with literally no other expression for entire scenes? Cause I noticed it the first time around

-My favourite outfit in this whole movie for Mal is this light purple dress she has on when talking about closing the barrier for the first time with Ben’s parents and Evie. She is SO GORGEOUS in it. I’m actually not a fan of the leather suit she wears for the rest of the movie cause I don’t feel it fits with her hairstyle- mainly once it starts to go blue

-I just realized Mal’s hair literally goes from pretty much just purple to lots of blue mixed in. I guess it’s cool cause it’s like she gets power from the ember but I honestly prefer her brighter purple hair. My favourite hairstyle was her bangs she looked like an actual goddess in the 2nd movie

-I think everyone was thinking Dude got into Jane’s cake (despite the very neatly cut corner)

-I honestly love Mal’s face when Audrey shows up with the crown and scepter and her whole new gettup like “What on earth is this chick doing”

-I reiterate “what on earth is this chick doing” as Audrey goes to...sniff? the scepter?

-I wAnT tO bE dAnGeRoUS

-Audrey through a cupcake on the ground. So evil

-Honestly I’m sorry but Audrey talking all angsty to the people at Jane’s party is really cringey. Her lines are just...hhhhhhhhh (you mindless little drones in particular just seems weird the way she says it)

-How on earth does Audrey not see Jane get in the lake...she’s literally right there in full view

-OK so not ALL magic doesn’t work on the Isle, according to Celia only evil magic doesn’t work- so yes Maleficent is still a lizard cause Mal’s spell wasn’t an evil one

-Even with her massive platform shoes Mal is so much shorter than Hades she is yelling at him but having to look way up she’s adorable

- Hades “LET’S DANCE” - proceeds to shake a tambourine, slap his butt with it and stick his tongue out. ok then

-Why did I never notice Mal shake the tambourine at him angrily and then throw it lmao

-WHERE IS THE WIND COMING FROM IN THIS SONG (I will touch back on random wind that shouldn’t be there later on too)

-Mal should say thank you for the ember...imo

-”If it gets wet it’s game over” thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat’s what she said

-Mal’s walking away from Haes up those stairs? That booty thicc (only thing I really like about that outfit)

-Girl has a zipper down her butt. She can unzip her ass cheeks

-I’m glad the jewelry in this movie is no longer plastic like Ben’s ring and his burger king crown

-“You’ll what? Marry them?” OK I am not a big fan of the plot or Audrey’s temper tantrum but if that isn’t the best fucking burn in this whole franchise then idk what is

-gUYS CELIA IS NOT THE ACTRESS SHE IS SUPPOSE TO BE IN AN ENTIRE MAIN SHOT??? WTF? HOW HAS NO ONE POINTED THIS OUT?? SHE’S A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PERSON WHEN THEY’RE WALKING OUT OF THE GATE TOWARDS THE BARRIER ON THE ISLE AND THEN THE NEXT SHOT IT’S BACK TO THE PROPER ACTRESS. BUT IT’S VERY OBVIOUS

-I AM GAY AS SHIT FOR UMA OK SHE IS ABSOLUTE PEAK AESTHETIC AND I WOULD LET HER CHOKE ME WITH HER BRAIDS

-I deserve some compensation for my muscles...what does that even mean???

-Are we suppose to know who Hannah is?

-”Says you and that’s suppose to mean someth’n to me?” Ok maybe I’m just a flaming bisexual for Uma but why was that line delivery so smooth

-Audrey is abusing Chad. She threw a glass bowl at him and is literally shoving him around and yelling at him while accusing him of knowing things and not telling her. And it’s played for laughs. Descendants you have a lot of good things that are socially woke but this ain’t it man. Chad may have been a douche but he doesn’t deserve abuse. (rhyme oof)

- Why is Dude advertising that he gives great cuddles? Who is that directed at? Why is that line in there? Alright then

-How is Uma the only one that noticed the massive scratches on the wall and the literal painting slashed in half

-Mkay we get it Audrey you’re evil thanks for the random laugh

-The knight in front of them literally clanged as it moved and it’s RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM how did nobody but Harry see it move. This entire movie is me asking why something happened because honestly so much of it just doesn’t make sense but I still love the movie lmao

-Out numbered 1 to 50? How did this girl graduate lol

-I still say What The Fuck Is Happening every time Mal makes the Knights dance. It’s just the most random, out of the blue thing to do

-Mal literally licks her lip and gives Evie the most sultry look as Evie dips down and is singing the end of Night Falls. I’m not a Mevie shipper but it’s the most bedroom eyes I’ve ever seen

-Evie is an absolute ray of sunshine and deserves all the things

-Harry is genuinely flattered at Evie’s compliment about his accent he starts to smile. Dude acts like a complete player and then gets happy when someone gives him a genuine compliment lol

-Jay and Gil are adorable

-Gil is just adorable on his own

-Doug is in way too comfortable of a position to not have already been on the ground sleeping/resting. Which begs the question of why he was just on the ground sleeping like that

-Doug’s long hair and ponytail and complete lack of style are some of my biggest pet peeves in this movie. He doesn’t just look out of place next to Evie, but next to literally everyone else. He looked pretty good in the last two, why such a drastic change that literally nobody asked for or wanted lol

-I seriously can’t take Evie and Doug seriously in this movie just because of his hair. It’s just so unattractive I’m sorry not sorry

- I do enjoy the sense of urgency and time that the movie has as Mal tries to keep moving. Uma and her being like “just kiss him already” is fun

-They could have shot Audrey looking at them through the scepter in a different way...the way it’s just the same close up shot every time she’s looking at it with her hair blowing in the non-existent wind just adds to how cheesy her whole performance is (not her fault, director and writers fault)

-Mal should have kissed Ben when they reunited. 0 reason not to. She was super worried about him and finally reunited with him and she also LOOKED like she wanted to kiss him. Girl was super into that beard.

-Leave some room for Jesus lmao

-I’m just bitter cause the only kiss we get this whole movie is from kinda far away and is short. We’ve also never seen them share a sweet kiss in private- they’re always on display....maybe it’s a kink lol

-Ben and Mal holding hands while trying to sneak around <3

-Sophia’s acting when Evie is upset is on point. This whole scene is one of the only really good ones where everyone is rightfully upset with Mal.

-Mal has had to sing about her feelings in every movie lmao

-Why...does the dragon look like it has a low frame rate? It looks choppy

-Audrey just, once again, doesn’t look menacing. She’s just like...waving a stick around and making mean faces

-”I owe you an apology” says everyone but...no one actually says “I’m sorry” lol

- Ben is just “aw yiss speak human rights to me baby” at Mal during the engagement party

- Beast: “We can’t do that.” I AGREE

-Taking the barrier down with no screening for the villains is a bad bad bad bad idea but it’s a happy disney universe so everything is fine - ugh

-UNSAFE BRIDGE!!1!!1 I’m waiting for someone to fall off- just once, please

-Mal and Uma jumping up and down when they kmeetis the cutest fucking thing on earth

-Ben needs a different thing to dance in, his suit is so stiff

-Harry and Audrey? Hmmmm I’m not opposed but I’m also not feelin it

-Were those people just...waiting there with an already built dragon?

-Ben likes to hip thrust in every movie, no lie

#descendants #descendants 3 #disneys descendants #mal bertha #mal #bal #ben florian #carlos de vil #jay jafar #uma #harry hook #gil gaston

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putschki1969 · 5 years ago

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Wakana Winter Special Live Matataki Osaka Live Report

So, I thought I would use the opportunity to write a quick report on my Shinkansen ride back to Tokyo.

Venue: This was my first time attending a concert at a live house so this was a pretty new experience for me. Everything is so small and intimate. Thank God they had seats prepared. For a long time I was worried this would be an all-standing live (which I absolutely would have hated). Umeda Quattro was a pain in the ass to find though. It’s hidden quite well on the 10th floor of a pretty inconspicuous building. And if you have ever been to Umeda, you know it’s a pretty spacious station. The elevator is out of service in the morning so we had to take the stairs to line up for the goods. I am so happy that her Osaka lives were completely sold out, Wakana deserves all of her concerts to be sold out! I really hope the Tokyo venue won’t be too empty, it would make me really sad, especially since it’s her birthday. Btw, I really love how it pays off to be a fan club member these days! I remember back in the Kalafina days being a fan club member never made a difference when it came to your seats. But I have always gotten a good seat with my Botanical Land application. So as always I suggest you get yourself a membership if you are planning to attend any Wakana lives in the future.

Acoustics: The acoustics naturally weren’t the best but I thought they were decent enough. During the Day performance I had a seat in the very first row right in front of Wakana. The sound was well balanced in that area. During the Evening performance I was in the third row all the way on the right side so the sound wasn’t too great there (it wasn’t balanced at all and since the speaker was right next to me, everything was a little too loud for my taste but it was bearable). I thought Wakana’s microphone had just the right volume to suit the instruments. She wasn’t overshadowed by the drums or anything.

Stage production and musicians: There wasn’t any special production, just the musicians behind Wakana. As far as I am concerned they all did a good job, especially the girl on percussion, she was really into it. I didn’t think they could make all her songs work with just piano, percussion and guitar but they managed to make everything sound great. Enjoyed all the arrangements!! Wakana was wearing a gorgeous flowy red dress that was giving off major Christmas vibes. She just wore her own pair of boots, the one we have seen her wear all the time recently. For the encore she put on her Aki no Sakura outfit. Couldn’t help but look at her pretty ankles, I have never seen them this up-close *feels like a perv saying this* There were obviously no cameras so there is zero chance of this being released in case anyone was wondering. I always get so many questions regarding releases :P

Vocals: Personally I thought Wakana was flawless during the very slow ballads but I didn’t enjoy her singing all that much during the high-tempo Kalafina songs (I never really did). Then there are songs like Kinmokusei and Yakusoku no Yoake where I know she is purposefully using a higher pitch but at times she is treading a fine line between sounding lovely and screechy. But overall, she delivered a strong performance despite doing so many songs in one day. I was expecting her voice to get a little weak during the Evening performance but for the most part, she did well. You can tell she has really worked on her stamina.

MCs: Wakana was much more nervous during the day performance. She kept screwing up and saying the wrong thing in the wrong order XD It was utterly adorable. She was constantly holding her water bottle/towel. It happened at night as well but she was much more confident there. During the first MC of the Day performance Wakana noticed me in the first row and pointed out that someone was wearing one of her outfits. Imagine my happiness!! I was over the moon! To have her say this in front of all these people. Waaaaaahhh!!! Senpai noticed me XD At the end of the Evening performance during the final greeting Wakana started crying because she was overwhelmed with feelings. They were happy tears because she was reflecting on all the things that had happened that year. It was a good and productive year for her after all, she can be proud. She tried squeezing her nose to stop crying but it didn’t work. Precious baby *sobs*

Day vs. Evening: In total three songs were different at the Evening performance. She sang Hard Rain instead of Boku no Kokoro no Tokei, snow falling instead of Yasashii Uta and she added a double encore to sing Ato Hitotsu. I am expecting the Tokyo lives to follow a similar - if not the same - pattern. Overall the evening audience was a bit more engaged. Louder clapping, proper singing along and a standing ovation at the end.

Thoughts on various songs: Not gonna go into detail regarding every single song. Eve was most definitely one of the highlights! I originally said that lyrics would seem overbearing with this sort of song but the way they arranged it made it work. Such a gorgeous song!! And Wakana’s vocals are simply outstanding. I remember her saying in an Instagram post that she was struggling while rehearsing this song since the notes were so high. At the time I read that post I was a little confused because she doesn’t actually sing that high in the short studio version. Now it makes sense because this full version with Japanese lyrics has super high parts and oh my God, Wakana sounds amazing. She is using a fuller voice which suits the song much better. Cannot wait to hear this two more times!! *so excited* I really hope this song is re-released soon!! I need to have this on CD!!! Orange was really good but nothing to write home about. I always enjoy Boku no Kokoro no Tokei and this time was no exception, I was a little bummed to have it replaced with Hard Rain during the night performance but hey, at least this way we got more songs. And she did a good job with that too. I actually liked this performance more than the one from the Voice tour. Her singing was nicer and she improvised a bit towards the end. I already mentioned Kinmokusei earlier, I absolutely love this song and generally enjoyed the performance but occasionally Wakana is getting to a range that doesn’t sound pleasant to my ears anymore. I know she is going for a pentatonic sound and maybe I am just not used to that but some notes were just too high for my liking. But it didn’t take away from the performance, it’s one of my favourite songs from her album so I am super happy she decided to sing it. As expected, I liked Yuuyake much more once I saw it performed live but it’s still not among my favourites.

Ahhhh!! The Christmas section! I was hoping she would sing a few Christmas pieces and YAY, she actually did!!! A staff member brought out a small chair and a lyrics stand for Wakana (since all the songs were in English she struggled quite a bit so I am guessing she had some notes to help her with the pronunciation). That Silent Night performance was utterly gorgeous! It started with the pianist using a fancy organ setting. Wakana started slowly by using a very warm and ethereal singing style - almost operatic I would say. I literally broke into tears, it was so unbelievably beautiful!! Wakana needs to release a Christmas cover album RIGHT NOW!!! After the first epic verse the other band members joined in and the song became a bit lighter and joyful, towards the end it was almost a pop-like arrangement, not sure how to explain it. Quite fascinating as a whole, I genuinely enjoyed the different styles used in the song. I didn’t know the second Christmas song at all and Wakana’s Engrish made it very hard to decipher the lyrics. But thankfully I understood the word “eskimos” so I just looked for a Christmas song that had “eskimos” in the lyrics XD Turns out there is only one, The Christmas Song. Not sure why Wakana decided to sing this. Maybe it’s very popular in Japan? No idea! Anyways, it was okay. She sounded lovely. Don’t really care for the song though, there are MUCH better Christmas songs out there that would have suited her better but I am sure she had her reasons. All I Want for Christmas is You on the other hand was PERFECT for Wakana. Such a pleasant surprise. You could tell that she had sung that song many times before, she felt much more comfortable with the English lyrics. And she slayed!! It’s no easy feat to cover a Mariah Carey song but she did it quite brilliantly. This is not a song I usually enjoy but Wakana made me like it!!

Now we get to Kalafina’s section which was surprisingly my least favourite. I will be honest, I didn’t like her Kalafina song choice here at all. The fact that she decided to stick with the original fast arrangements didn’t help either. I wonder why she didn’t go with a slow acoustic arrangement...that would have helped her a lot....Wakana has always had a hard time with these songs, you could tell she was straining her voice even back then during Kalafina days when she had Keiko and Hikaru singing alongside her. All by herself the songs got so much harder. Wakana admitted that these songs were super hard for her but she wanted to perform them for the fans. Seeing everyone’s happy face was worth the struggle according to her. As always the cheers were super loud for the Kalafina songs. Eden was okay, I know the song means a lot to Wakana and she really did her best but meh, she was out of breath a lot. Into the world was definitely my favourite in this section. I actually thought she was gonna sing Natsu no Ringo because the intro sounded just like it but no, it was just a fancy intro that transitioned nicely to the more familiar sound of into the world. She sounded solid during all parts and it’s just such a perfect fit for the journey she is now taking. It was quite moving to have her sing it. Her final “into the world” was amazing!!! Didn’t like ring your bell at all!! Probably my least favourite performance of the live. I never liked her singing style in this song and except for the final “ring your bell and raise your song” I found her singing quite screechy (mostly during the chorus). And for some reason she didn’t sing the bridge which is hands down my favourite part of the song (where she typically uses a more fitting and lovely singing style). Such a shame. (;_;)

Wakana is so much better with her own mid/high-tempo songs. Tsubasa and Kimi Dake no Stage were lots of fun!! Everyone was clapping along! Nothing out of the usual, pretty similar to her Voice performances I would say. But the best was without a doubt Koi wa Itsumo!!! Still cannot believe how much I love this song, it’s so freaking good!! Just wish she would have sung the “baby, baby” parts but since some parts are overlapping with her other lines she obviously couldn’t do it XD At the end she was asking us to sing along to the “haha koi wa haha itsumo haha sekai wo kaeru no” part and eventually we were singing all by ourselves. It was really nice. I am happy the audience participated. Usually it’s hard to get Japanese audiences to engage in something unexpected like that. During the Evening performance everyone had already figured it out so they were much more involved. She ended the main part of her live with Yakusoku no Yoake. Once again we got the gorgeous organ setting and Wakana sang a slightly slowed down version of the intro. It was so much better than the studio version or the performances from the Voice tour. Reminded me a lot of the first verse of Silent Night. The rest of the song was good but a little too high pitched at times.

As for the encore, OMG, Wakana’s solo versions of both Yasashii Uta [Day] as well as snow falling [Night] were PERFECT!! Utterly flawless!!! I am so grateful she sang these two songs, I was really hoping and praying for snow falling!!! Don’t even know what else to say about it. I personally didn’t mind the absence of Keiko and Hikaru, Wakana managed well on her own. Aki no Sakura was slowed down a tiny bit for the live I think...liked it much more like this. Generally it was a very good performance that made me appreciate the song a lot more. Ahhhh, so happy we got Ato Hitotsu as double encore during the Evening performance. It wasn’t as moving as her Voice performance but still super lovely.

Okay, that’s it for me. I had a blast. Not regretting going for all four Wakana lives. Cannot wait for tomorrow.

#kalafina #wakana #report #wakana winter live matataki #long text post

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szopenhauer · 4 years ago

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Have you ever seen a black rose? online only

Is your coffee machine plugged in right now? we don’t own one as we don’t drink coffee Do you write words on your knuckles? I tried few times for fun XD Have you ever been a SCUBA diver for Halloween? wtf Have you ever taken a picture of a sandwich? sure Have you ever seen elephant droppings? I haven’t Would you like to visit Play Dough Land? :o What’s your opinion on Katy Perry? copycat Who was your favorite character from the cartoon Recess? Spinelli, then Gretchen

Have you ever lost your parents in the grocery store? yeah, I still do and I hate that Have you drawn a star today? not today but when I was in hospital this week Are you older or younger than fifteen? much older If you can remember, what was the last thing that made you feel nostalgic? Recess being mentioned Are you the type of person who prefers to stay in or go out? stay in Do you plan on sleeping in tomorrow? yep Are you starting to realize anything? sigh... Would you live with someone without marrying them? why not Who was the last person you talked to in person? *mom enters my room*

Who were the last 3 males you talked to? dad and two doctors

If you have a pet, when did you last pet him/her? omg I realized I was so tired that I didn’t even say hello to my dog wtf... What genre is the song that you’re currently listening to? indiepop/electropop Does the person you love/like have a car? What colour is it? nope Have you ever received a compliment on anything you’re wearing? plenty of times Which word(s) do you generally use to describe someone attractive? (e.g. “fit”, “sexy” etc.) wow beautiful, pretty, attractive, cute, adorable, piękna, that she looks amazing/awesome/great, śliczna, urocza, słodka, cudowna...

*it reminds me of one very embarassing high school story: były wigilie klasowe i wyszliśmy rozbawieni z sali, a na korytarzu stała śliczna dziewczyna i na cały głos powiedziałam “ale laska” potem zorientowałam się co właśnie zrobiłam i robiąc facepalma wymaszerowałam ze szkoły, a za mną śmiejące się przyjaciółki, nie dały mi potem o tym długo zapomnieć, a E.W. nawet obczaiła kto to i próbowała się dowiedzieć, czy jest ona lesbą, ale okazało się, że ma chłopaka i demonstracyjnie całowała się z nim na moich oczach parę dni później Have you had any caffeinated beverages today? just water Have you eaten any chocolate today? What kind? I haven’t Name something you like, that starts with the letter ‘L’. lamps I’m not a moth tho :P When was the last time someone wanted you to do something, and you refused? not sure when was the last time and/or what it was about How many people have you hugged today? 2 Do you have a favourite hair colour or eye colour on your preferred sex? been really into very dark brown eyes and arm lenght or a bit shorter brown hair mostly like Rosa Salazar (latino and asian women) that’s why Sarah been so my type

but my biggest tumblr crush was Raquey Strange

and my youtube one - Rachel Maksy

*vintage ladies <3 The last song you listened to – does it remind you of anyone? it doesn’t remind me of anyone, it’s from K-12 album

What was the last compliment you received? mom complimented my hair today

Are you more prone to being the social butterfly, or the wallflower? wallflower

Would you rather go to a Katy Perry or Taylor Swift concert? none but Swift if I had to choose

What pattern do the sheets on your bed have? no pattern this time

What languages can you count to ten or higher in? englihs, polish, russian Where did you get the underwear you’re wearing? Auchan

Are you good in painting yopur nails with your left hand? not even with my right one lol Do you feel uncomfortable sharing drinks with other people? very Do you call any of your friends by their last name? that would be weird How long does it take you to get out of bed in the morning? long? Have either of your grandparents ever told you a sexual joke? I don’t recall Would you rather give up the computer or the TV? gave up TV Which room in your house tends to be the coldest in the winter time? bathroom Are you trying to grow out your hair? need to cut my hair but not bangs

How many times does the letter ’t’ occur in your full name? once

What brand is the shirt you’re wearing? I cut the tag but I believe I bought it in Sinsay First person you spoke to today? my mother Name of first boyfriend/girlfriend? dunno who to count First place you lived? same as currently Who was your 1st teacher? not counting pre school and Mrs. Alinka - my aunt Last person to call you? labor office Last song you heard? Melanie Martinez - Bombs on Monday Morning Last thing you bought? silver glittery ugg slippers :3 Where was your facebook display photo taken? hospital How many people have you kissed in the last 2 weeks? nobody What were you doing at 10 this morning? waking up Have you ever dated an Emily? umm... How many pairs of flip flops do you own? 0 What is the weather like right now? perfect - hot, zephyr, clouds :D why am I not outside?... Where was the last place you went that was more than 30 minutes away? mall Something you wear all the time that you’d feel naked without? panties, unless I’m sleeping

Do you live within an hour of the ocean? not even sea Do you ever do things even though you know you’ll regret it later? sometimes I might :( What are you currently sitting/laying on? my desk chair Have you ever dated a friend of one of your siblings? no but I had a crush on one of them for a moment What do you plan to be doing 2 hours from now? eating? Have you ever been a clown for Halloween? not Halloween What time did you go to bed last night? early and immediately fallen asleep which never happens to me but I was so exhausted that I was falling on my face while I was blow drying my hair When was the last time it rained? yesterday or day before Have you ever made yourself throw up? no way in hell When was the last time you went camping? middle school? Are you currently wearing anything orange? am not Do you know anyone who is a nurse? neighbor Would you prefer to own a lapdog or a bigger dog? lapdog Are you currently wearing any jewelry? nope Was any of it given to you? - What was the worst thing to happen to you today? health issues, annoying people, nothing new? Do you know anyone who plays guitar? I tried myself Did anyone tell you that you looked nice today? mentioned that in this survey so look above How many missed calls have you had today? two Did you graduate high school within the last 3 years? it’s been over 5 years If not, will you graduate within the next 3 years? not applicable as you can see Which is coming next: Christmas or your birthday? Christmas Do you have any money on yourself at the moment? mhm Do you sleep in the nude? nope Do you ever walk around the house naked if no one is home? neither What is your favorite way to spend a cool autumn night? sleeping duh! Where was the last place you slept other than your house? hospital Do you have any big plans for the weekend? work in progress, we’ll see, deciding How many relationships have you been in so far this year? like 1 Have you ever dated someone who had a child? pfft, I dislike kids so... Are you taller than 5'6"? I’m smol

When was the last time you saw someone you went to high school with?: this year

How long have your parents been together (or how long were they together, if they no longer are): 30+ years

How long would it take you to walk to the nearest store?: ~10 minutes

How old were you when you got your first smartphone?: 25 or something

Have you ever had a parrot sit on your shoulder?: monkey for a second

Has anyone in your life ever treated you abusively?: majority of society

Do you like The Rolling Stones?: prefer Depeche Mode

What’s something you’ve been struggling with lately?: life

How old were you in 1996? 4

How old will you be in 2026? won’t live that long but 34 What song is playing? Mosimann & MARUV - Mon Amour

Are you better at math or art? art Science or History? science, I’m bad at remembering dates and names

Where did you go to pre-school, if you went at all? my town

Have you ever dated someone & then dated their sibling? I wouldn’t be able to do such a thing What do you think of the 1980’s? cool :) Is their anything living (plant, animal, etc) in your room right now? me and plants How old is the cellphone you have right now? couple years old What are your initials, using the last letter of each of your names? AA as I’m a woman - dodaj jedno A i będziemy anonimowymi alkoholikami

Are both your parents still living? they are Can you do a handstand? used to Is it after 11am? it’s almost 5 pm What’s the longest time you’ve ever spent on the phone? talking or doing other stuff? How many pairs of brown shoes do you own? do I even own any?... Are you on any prescribed medications? plan to be sadly Would you ever or do you have a nose piercing? doubt it, thought about septum as a teenager but no longer want it

How many days until Christmas? months Is your mom over 50? she is How old were you 7 years ago? 21 Do you know what ‘C'est la vie’ means? even tho I don’t know this language Are you wearing anything red? leggings Do you live in an apartment? house Do you wish on dandelions? I blow them but don’t wish on them Are you drinking anything right now? I’m going to About how tall is your father? taller than me Do you know anyone who has lived to be 100+? not personally Have you had your birthday yet this year? in February Do you read your horoscope on a regular basis? nah Do you like the color yellow? it’s one of my fav colors Are you an aunt or uncle? yes What is your hair like at the moment? fine What would you name be if your last name was the color of your shirt? Black If you could find out how you would die, would you want to know? yasss but what about date? Has anyone ever told you you should be a model? with my height? r u serious? Who is the artist/band you’re listening to at the moment? Boy Epic Is there a calendar in the room you’re in? pocket and poster type If you’re single, do you wish you were in a relationship? am in a relationship Were you born in the 1980’s? 90s What was your first favorite movie? animated Robin Hood with a fox and Jumanji also Goonies What was your first trip to the emergency room for? not counting being born too early - I was choking due to the fact I got wrong meds for my lungs, later I ended up in ER as an adult for stomachache (took me in an ambulance) Where was the first place you went today? store What was the first thing you thought about when you woke up? dream that I had Do you remember the first time you spent the night away from home? grandma’s apartment but not exact night as I was just a child What was the last movie you rented? I srsly can not remember Why did you last get angry? neighbor is mowing grass... every single day for whole day long How long ago was your last birthday? half year ago Do you enjoy helping people move or do you not like it? I’ve never helped anyone move

Have you been taking more or less surveys as of recently? less as I was absent

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