#the rest is depressing
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New rule: rewatching just the last episode of merlin is a form of self harm.
#bbc merlin#gay#merlin#arthur dying is the sadest shit#same with Gwaine dying while percival is holding him and saying he didnt fail.#and mordred dying is sad because hes just a damaged child#its so weird how he basically ages 10 years in 5 seasons because of the actor change#but yea#its defo a form of self harm and isnt good#even if in the commentry Julian agrees that its a love story#arthur saying he doesnt want merlin to change brraks me every time#at least merlins hair looks like a loreal ad when hes calling off aithusa#the rest is depressing#especially as merlin likely went on a five century depressive episode and not having any human contact#because theyre all just gonna die#it hurts bro
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shout out to my folks with insomnia & depression & delayed sleep phase disorder & sleep apnea & disabilities & other sleep disorders diagnosed, undiagnosed, and just my plain old night owls & night shift workers!! we r so fucking cool & exist every day in a society not made for us at all. and NONE of us are lazy bums or bad people for staying up late & sleeping in till noon or two or whatever whenever you get up!! no matter what anyone says!! you’re incredible and i love you!!!
#being the positivity i need in the world#would i like to get up earlier and love my life? yes. but i can’t fuckin do that can i#i recognize the irony of posting this at 11:30 however i’m at work and fuckin tired#text#positivity#insomnia#depression#delayed sleep phase disorder#sleep apnea#also shout out to nightmare nation i hope we get good rest soon!!!!!
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i don't want to lose you. i don't want to lose this
#ffvii#cloud strife#zack fair#zakkura#mind link au#my art <3#tangentially related:#i think a lot about the year or so between the events of the og and advent children#he's changed so much by the time ac rolls around. which is to say the survivor's guilt is DEEP and the depression is EVEN DEEPER#i wonder how much of that is from letting go of the zack part of his identity.#oh what's that? forgot to mourn his death properly the first time? aww well shucks buddy#now he gets to die all over again in a brand new way! and now you're the one with the blood on your hands :) and you get to dig the grave :)#and now you get to live with the self blame for the rest of your life :)#yeah...........
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no time to celebrate
#drew this thinking their bdays were during night yorb summer for some reason#i went looking for the clip midway and when i saw it was the other way around i kinda died a little inside#BUT I AM NOTHING IF NOT COMMITTED !!!!#fantasy high#dimension 20#fantasy high junior year#gorgug thistlespring#riz gukgak#so anyways we can pretend this is a time quangle thing yes yes#they fall asleep making the solar lasso and no one has it in them to wake them up (esp riz)#so the rest of the bad kids leave them stuff for when they wake up#joint birthday party is real and depressing ! but not really ! the power of friendship is still very real#dont ask me the logistics of the hangvan interior ill die#i dont wanna thnk about this piece anymore it aged me 10 years#my art
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#real#girlblogging#girlblogger#girly things#gaslight gatekeep girlboss#female hysteria#whisper girl#femcel#girlboss#lana del rey#female manipulator#this is what makes us girls#escapism#existentialism#female rage#my year of rest and relaxation#born to die#childhood trauma#hell is a teenage girl#just girly things#the feminine urge#the bell jar#the virgin suicides#tumblr girl#tw depressing stuff#tw depressing thoughts#tw depressive#mentally unstable#mental illness#actually mentally ill
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Until the mountains crumble to the sea
Extra Doodle Below the Cut and Script:
Script:
Page 1:
Fiddleford: O' c'mon stop fussin' you big ol' lug! It ain't that big of a deal...
'Sides, you kept complaining 'bout how your shoulder was actin' up all day!!
Stan: Well yeah! But I always lead...
Fiddleford: There! Isn't this much better?
Stan: Hmm.
Page 2
Fiddleford: Stan.
Stan: Yeah?
Fiddleford: Who sings this song again?
Stan: Uhm...Oh! Uh Cass Elliot! Yeah, Cass Elliot...
Fiddleford: Ah. Well...she sounds lovely...
This is a nice night.
Stan: Yeah.
Page 3
(There is no written dialogue for this page. The only written portions are the lyrics, which eventually fade out.)
Extra Doodle
Fiddleford: Stan, are you crying?!
Stan: Yes! Er- I mean no! I mean maybe? I'm sorry! The song got to me! Curse you Cass Elliot! You and your delightful singing!
#gave fidds clothes based on ones i have irl (its a green button up with tree imagery embroidered on the collar/pocket :)))#love drawing small moments of intimacy it's my favorite thing EVER!!#drawing the mundane is my way of giving my highest honors to certain characters#okay im writing this after drafting my script and I did not need to make it this depressing omg. my bad everyone :'0#Rest assured the halloween illustration will make up for it ITS SO WHIMSICAL :^D#stanley pines#fiddleford mcgucket#fiddlestan#gravity falls#thriftybruce's makings#bruce's recs
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Bouncing off all of the fanfics where the Dead Boys are brought back to life again for a period of time to suggest that their thoughts on it are the opposite of what you’d anticipate based on their perception of the living while they’re ghosts. Charles sorely misses living while a ghost, despite all the awful, awful things he was subjected to. Edwin, despite 70+ years in Hell, is perfectly content as a ghost and finds the living distasteful to a degree.
But, when they get hit by an “aliving” spell, that’s not how it goes down at all.
Edwin has not been in a human body for over a century- and even then only got sixteen years of it- so he forgets how much he was missing as a ghost. Actually being able to feel things- the warmth of human touch, the breeze through his hair, the texture of worn book pages. The smell of petrichor after rain, a warm cup of sweet tea. Even just sleeping and having the ability to give his overactive mind a break. He’s forgotten how many good things there were about being alive.
Charles, as expected, is thrilled to be alive again and his first few days on solid ground are a whirlwind, but his energy is short lived. He frequently sleeps over 12 hours a night, and can’t bring himself to get out from under the covers for another hour longer. His appetite fades quickly, and he finds that foods he’s been craving for 35 years just don’t taste the same. Initially he chalks it up to his mind and body readjusting to human life (despite Edwin having none of the same issues), and continues enjoying what he can. But eventually, it becomes clear that something is very very wrong. His right arm that he shattered at age 14 (and didn’t get properly treated for days) begins to ache again. Sudden touches are no longer a gentle spectral sensation, but an unexpected pressure that he shrinks away from. His body feels heavy, and his energy drains quickly if he has any to begin with.
It turns out that over three decades of repressed physical and emotional trauma took its toll on him, and he had naïvely forgotten-or perhaps willfully omitted- the struggle that was his life when he wasn’t out kissing girls and pretending like his father didn’t exist.
Edwin feels a sense of freedom in being human again, away from all the supernatural trauma he has endured, while for Charles it is more of a burden than he ever recalled it being.
#just the idea of Charles ‘i hate being dead’ Rowland being just as miserable when he’s brought back to life#and also thoughts on how depression can fuck with your body#even when your mind isn’t aware of how much the rest of you is struggling to keep up with the responsibilities of life#but also Edwin rediscovering his love for life once he can experience it with people who care about him#ugh these two have me ill#payneland#dead boy detectives#dbda#save dbda#save dead boy detectives#charles rowland#edwin payne#dbda au#dead boy detectives au#fanfic#kinda#jess’s thoughts
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I think it would really benefit people to internalize that mental illnesses are often chronic and not acute. Some of us will never be able to jump the hurdle of managing illness, much less sustaining a sense of normalcy. Many of us will never "recover," will never manage symptoms, will never even come close to appearing normal - and this is for any condition, even the ones labeled as "simple" disorders or "easy-to-manage" disorders.
It isn't a failure if you cannot manage your symptoms. It isn't a moral failure, and you aren't an awful person. You are human. There's only so much you can do before recognizing that you cannot lift the world. Give yourself the space to be ill because, functionally, you are.
#mental health#mental health advocacy#like... anxiety and depression are often concieved of as simple and easy to manage...#...but that isn't the case for so many of us. anxiety and depression just have a lot more research invested into them...#...and while i wish this were the case for literally every other condition it does alter people's perception of you to some extent...#...so while this is NOT solely about anxiety or depression it includes us...#...my anxiety and depression and PTSD have *destroyed* my life. this is chronic and will probably be life-long...#...and that isn't my fault. i've done the fucking work but guess what? that doesn't account for the fact that I Am Just ILL#the least we can do for each other is to be compassionate#be compassionate to those who cannot heal. be compassionate to the people who can't manage their lives. this world is scary enough#recognize that management of symptoms is something not all of us can do - even IF their condition is labeled as 'easy to manage'#i allowed myself to feel angry that i can't heal 'normally' and that was unfair as fuck toward myself#and i NEED people to internalize this so that MAYBE this could help somebody else who is where i was#i NEED them to understand that it's okay that they are where they are - sometimes shit just doesn't turn out how you expect or want#don't beat yourself over you being a person. you are struggling enough. you deserve to rest. just rest please#and just... give yourself space
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a drug dealer and his boss
#charmac#charlie kelly#mac mcdonald#mac macdonald#iasip#always sunny#the gang buys a roller rink#fanart#mine#i made up th rest of mac's shirt cuz i didnt wanna draw th jacket lol (THO I LOV IT)#the outfits n this episode make th ntire thing worth it honestly#but also i lov u unreliable narrators. wat a depressing fantasy
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The wrong DNA test
( what if, Sheila wasn't really Jason's mother? The system is already corrupted, then what about the test?).
A huge brawl containing every rogue had started at the time of Halloween, causing the people from downtown to fled there home's as joker had clownized the whole neighborhood with his goon's.
Every bats had taken to groups to take out the three parts of Gotham's as the rogue's had started to make alliances, some had lasted quite long while had conflicts, and causing a big damage to Arkham asylum,
It didn't take long before they captured all of them, none of the bats questions as they observed Jason glowing green eyes starting to flick, they thought it was the pit again, growing wary of the cooperation, but Crime alley was involved and that mean business to Red hood's turf.
Catherine todd love her son as her own even if not biological, Jason knew that. But her thing with drugs couldn't make her stop.
Sometimes after that, they could hear Jason humming a tune,a nice melody from Damian's statement saying that Jason muttered to him “ lullaby” as Jason continued to read his book, maybe it could be from Catherine,
they knew how Jason's past with Catherine todd, his mom even if not related, Catherine loves her son like her own kid but her doing drugs and... overdosing couldn't be stop.
Maybe Jason just remembered his mother maybe reminiscing atleast something familiar...even if it was a bad time.
Jason had constantly have been hearing a woman's? Man's? Voice, singing him a lullaby...it soothing, like as if he known and loved this melody...and that's where the dreams kept coming, there was a person, giving him kisses, Talkin to him stories, singing him lullabies and soothing him, he could dream that he was actually a baby, a baby from a normal couple, well don't count the luxurious baby room.
Jason had took out a conspiracies why he was getting this dreams, ( he swears he's not becoming Tim) and voices, maybe like a misshapen memories from the pits of victims? No it's to peaceful for that, maybe magic? He already contacted Constantine but surely hang up after knowing who it was-
Just how is he getting this dreams? Unless it wasn't.... So he proved again his point, he started a DNA test, again but none had records...of Sheila being his biological mother...that was weird, last time he had a test was from the time as robin..and before his-
So he went to that hospital who had said where Sheila had given birth to him, and most of shock is that no one knows a mother giving birth named Sheila haywood but had a document of a baby, of one Jason jay nightingale, the most believing part was that it's the same day he was born in.
His mother, Daniel F. Nightingale was said to be trans as the doctor who help his mother safely delivered him, And saying that his mother loved him,
one Sheila Haywood had the constant trick to get him and taken him as his own, because his mother's family was a wealthy one they practically sold him to her.
Jason had thought that maybe his mother's family never wanted him to have a son with a man from Gotham's crime alley.
Meanwhile Danny had just been YEETED to the DC universe before the start of Batman's justice thing and had been adopted by a very wealthy fruit loops couple as there kid, so he stayed as the couples daughter even pretending, because he owed ghost writer a favor for the last time, and as DC universe exist so it's story, and one thing for sure the child he had to give birth in this universe has a very complicated fate,
he did the one night stand from his supposed friend Willis Todd? He had to befriend him as Dalia F. nightingale the supposed Wealthy daughter who fell in love with a peasant trope, and gotten pregnant making it a scandal, and reaching to his ‘parents’ circle and getting that drama.
But he never thought he would care for his child, his little jay, his ghost side would purr in delight when they held Jason, he was a very hard sucker especially from his pacifier or his breast, it's so weird being in a women body,
but the way his ‘parents’ sold his son to the women who was supposed to get his son killed and being revived by cheap parody ass of ectoplasm.
He went feral, he had an argument to his ‘parents’ but all fell deaf ears, he couldn't find his son in one of the hotels nearby where that BXtch was.
And that time was where his part of the script was fulfilled, ghost writer already took him, both sides of his, were angry.
He. will. get. his. baby. back.
#dcxdp#Danny phantom#dcxdp crossover#Mom!Danny#Batfam#Jason todd#portraits#When the bats find this they decided to help find Jason's Mom only to find out she went missing#his Jay Nightingale now#yes- im getting of topic#so lets just say that clockwork has also has some things involved with his#dcdp#batfam#and ghostwriter#so if this doesn't go to your timeline aus or smth or cannon idk what to say#when the bats found out about Jason's investigation to find his mother#they gladly help but after finding where jason's grandparents who sold him to Haywood#they meet with them#and the whole revealed was much more depressing because His mother died/missing/suicide#Ghost writer was the one who plan the...The death scene.#so jason is sad#and very much wants his momma#because thats how ghost parents shit is right?#yeah i dont think im educated enough#So the grandparents are like grieving for there son (yes they accepted his trans btw).#and let jason and the rest of the batfam in there manor/castle ( cause there seriously old money) and introduce jason to his mom's things#portraits of danny#telling stories of danny in his youth.#but they avoided the way he ‘died’ for ghost writers plot conveniences but they mention#green...like ectoplasm but they just called it green liquid.
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Random and fun doodles, silly sketches if you will
#fma#I enjoy making silly art more than angst art#I like making myself laugh basically#fma 03#fma 2003#fma cos#conqueror of shamballa#cos edward#edward elric#alphonse elric#alfons heiderich#fullmetal alchemist#fanart#doodle page#vermiixart#however I wasn’t smart enough to come up with something more clever than depression brothers#and it’s going to haunt me for the rest of my life#cos is a tragicomedy to me
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i really wanted to draw himiko so here she is with some other guys too
#danganronpa#himiko yumeno#kaito momota#kiibo#danganronpa v3#drv3#i think kiibo and kaede share the spot for my fave v3 character#and kaito is second and himiko is third#winter depression activated sorry if i barely post for the rest of the year. along with everything else idk if i can draw rn#luckily i did these a couple weeks ago
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Atleast there is still this. Even amongst the ruins of floppage there exists this.
#who said they were like little puppies climbing and slobbering over each other biting each other with new puppy teeth#because that's literally the vibe of this video#anyway trying not to sip on my depression-ade#Bezz being so heated and pecco gently rubbing his chest and resting his chin on his shoulder#🥹#anyway things need to change and fast#pecco bagnaia#marco bezzecchi#bezz#pecco#motogp#cota 2024#Americas GP 2024
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plspls help with a kofi purchase/donation or a commission i have like no money
#gonna be visiting the fam for the next week cause mom is really depressed rn but dont worry ill still be working on the go#cant even really afford to rest during my period anymore... haha...
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i was getting a library card in my dream last night so i guess maybe i should look into that today
#i havent gotten one since my move ive been too depressed...#there was a bunch of other insane shit happening in that dream too but this is my main takeaway because the rest was unactionable nonsense
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im going to need you all to send me happy thoughts please because i am having a very bad week and it's only monday lol anyway here's some angst. i know i have written a lot of stuff here already but so far this one is my favorite (despite me literally drafting this in my phone so expect some grammar errors or spelling mistakes), so if you can, let me know what you folks think. likes, replies, and reblogs are appreciated but i will bonk you in the head if you repost or copy any of my writings. THANK YOU ANON FOR THIS ASK!
you could bring a numbered kaiju into submission but it seems that your heart is an entirely different monster.
you should have known better than to fall in love with a colleague, and you should have known better than to fall in love with the third division's vice-captain. your own commander, gen narumi, threw you a dirty look when he found out about your intimate relationship with the bowl cut bastard, and as much as you want to come up with a good enough excuse, the best thing you were able to give is a cliched the heart wants what the heart wants. narumi scoffed at you upon hearing it, following it up with a personal vow to never be romantically involved with anyone in the force.
it didn't have to be said but hoshina still did the honors - there's not a lot of ground rules in your relationship but the first one is this: you and he are soldiers first, lovers second. you pondered if it was supposed to hurt you, and you asked yourself what the hell is wrong with you to say yes to such a set-up: all those love advice by your family and friends about how you should not settle with the bare minimum flew out the window. "i have a responsibility to my division. but i also know i love you," was what hoshina told you. in hindsight maybe you did not care about anything else he said except the part where he confessed he loves you.
you convinced yourself that nothing is more important than being loved by hoshina soshiro. and you persuaded yourself that if he could place you second in his priorities, you would be able to do so too. "i mean, i was a defense officer before i became your girlfriend," you agreed with him.
but there's no worse lie than the one we tell ourselves, you realised too late.
hoshina soshiro took you to dates almost every weekend although he is also almost always late. but you guess being one of the highest-ranking official in an anti-kaiju division burdens him with a heavier obligation than the rest of the officers so you did what a good girlfriend would do: you tried to understand his situation and offered him comfort whenever you catch him overly stressed or fatigued in his tasks. "i'll make it up to you," he would promise, and you would kiss him on the lips.
but after a while he stopped asking you out entirely, blaming it to his busy schedule - and yours - and a month after that, you would see hoshina soshiro only when there are inter-division conferences. narumi gives you his ugliest frowns everytime he spots the vice-captain walking towards you. "get a room," the first division commander rolled his eyes at you and your boyfriend one time.
to be fair, hoshina is good at making you disregard his misgivings. may it be with his tongue or his fingers, even for just a fraction of an hour, you cannot deny that hoshina makes you feel loved and taken care of. hoshina would tell you he loves you and nothing else matters again in your world but those three little words.
you could have perfectly proceeded in your charade of being fine if hoshina only remembered your anniversary. the straw that broke the camel's back, disappointment and frustration and heart wrenching pain consumed you when it came clear to you that hoshina was not planning for some surprise for you after not giving you a single greeting throughout the day - he simply forgot.
"so it skipped you that today's supposed to be our day, but you had time to go to lunch with okonogi," you accused him, feeling a bit guilty that you are involving another person in the argument. the trip to tachikawa base was not short, and your muscles are already killing you, but you made the effort to see hoshina in hopes you can salvage the occasion. the guilt died down after several seconds when hoshina replied.
"how is okonogi-chan a part of this?" he defended her. it did not escape you how he seemed to not be answering you at all.
"okonogi-chan?" you mocked hoshina. "jesus, i am so tired of this!" you did not recognise the sound of your voice when you shouted. "i - i know what i signed up for when i compromised with you, soshiro. you said duties first, i just did not expect i would be at the bottom of the things you care about. that's if i was even in that list at all."
"that's not fair -"
"what's not fair," you gritted your teeth, "is that you keep treating me like shit." you held back your tears; you refused to cry in front of hoshina - you had already given him the power to hurt you, it would have been to much handing him the knowledge that what is happening is effectively breaking you from you within. softly, you determined to get the bottom of things - fuck your dignity, the most you can get from this scenario is hoshina's honesty. "do you still love me?"
"you know i do," he declared too quickly. hoshina strode towards you, crossing the three, four feet distance to reach you. grabbing your cold hands and attempting to cradle it with his own warm ones, hoshina looked sincere and sorry, and you regret that you cannot for the life of you remember the last time he was this tender with you.
"actually i don't." you did not know how you're supposed to bridge the sea between you and hoshina as you withdrew your clammy hands from his touch. you chose to ignore the sudden sadness that crossed his face when you stepped away from him.
the loud ring of the alarm announcing a kaiju attack echoed in your ears. "i have to go, we'll talk more later," hoshina offered, his stare at you was surely meant to glue you in your spot but you did not let it so. "i love you."
"no, wait." you are a defense officer, and a good one at that, and you thankfully did not have to remind the third division vice-captain of that. "i'm going with you." even on the verge of heartbreak, your response is to stand beside hoshina. you almost winced at the implication.
you did not wait for his approval. narumi will be pissed, he joked after seeing you in a battle suit, helping you out a bit as you pick your weapon of choice. "hey." his grip on your elbow distracted you. "be careful out there," he whispered.
bodies break in the strangest of ways, you found out while fighting a considerable strong honju alone in the sector where you were assigned. you weren't officially in the area to be on duty, and protocol says you cannot be under hoshina's command so you had to be borrowed as a back-up to another platoon. your tenure and experience could easily place you as a team leader, that is why you were confident to face a number of those monstrous creatures at once. that is until the suit you were wearing - just a spare one that hasn't been used yet by a recruit - overheated.
"retreat to somewhere safe," you heard hoshina in your in-ear comms, out of breath. "that's an order." you wanted to assert that he isn't really your commanding officer, that he is not upon him to command you in any way but air feels like liquid in your lungs, the exhaustion catching up to you. in a minute or two the suit will lose its integrity after overheating, and you will be vulnerable to attacks of even the smallest yojus. "stay there and i'll send someone -"
you hoped you were not making a habit of interrupting hoshina as you mustered your strength to speak in a firm sentence - "the mission, is to neutralise the kaiju, sir." you screwed your eyes shut, ignoring the searing sensation of the wound in your shoulder.
throwing caution in the wind, hoshina did not relent. "i will come get you."
"soldiers first, soshiro." the static in your in-ear comms was deafening after you had called the vice-captain by his given name, and knowing that whatever you say will be broadcasted to the other officers, you continued. "to hell with what happens to us, right?"
you couldn't say you recall what happened next. dizzying darkness claimed you as your suit gave out, your combat release putting your body to too much pressure. when you came to consciousness, it was at a hospital - in a white room too big to cater to only one patient. tubes were attached to you, needles poking at the delicate vein in your wrist. it hurts to move, it hurts to discover you woke up alone.
the hours passed, each tick of the hands of the clock racing against your own thoughts. a nurse found you awake while in a roaming duty, and alerted the doctor. it was not after that when you saw hoshina again.
"how are you feeling?" you could sense his awkwardness from across the room. you saw his hesitation to come close to you; you cannot decided whether to feel satisfied that he seems to be in pain seeing you like this.
"i can't do this anymore, soshiro." your throat was dry from not speaking in ages, and your words sounded hoarse, as if you had to scrape yourself for them. "i almost died, and i can't do this anymore."
a piece of you wanted for him to tell you to shut up.
"i could have died, and you weren't there. and my god, this entire time i had to assess if i am just selfish, or greedy, and i know there are people to save, but soshiro, it's tiring to be the one who loves the other more," you exclaimed. "maybe it's my mistake that i am in a relationship with the third division's vice-captain but i fell in love with hoshina soshiro."
"i'm sorry." you didn't miss the slight tremble in hoshina's voice, and your chest tightened because after everything, he couldn't say you what you needed to hear.
"i would have died trying to save you, you know," you added weakly.
"i'm sorry," he repeated like a chant, like some mantra that would cure everything damaged for you and for him.
"me too," you replied, because there was nothing else left to say.
#this is so messy#i will rewrite after i get some rest#sorry guys but i feel like spiralling again#hence the depressive undertone of this drabble#undertone is an understatement#hoshina soshiro#soshiro hoshina#hoshina soshiro x reader#soshiro hoshina x reader#hoshina x reader#hoshina soshiro fic#kn8 x reader#kaiju no. 8
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