#the other thing is take it slow
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Comm anon here. The fic I'm writing is more basic outline and ideas that I'm too afraid to write because I feel if I do the characterization slightly wrong I will get truck by the permadeath lightning.
Speaking of characterization how do you do it so well? Like with my own characters I'm fine but with things that are not my own I suck. Like the closest thing to a good character analysis is the time in English class where I ended up psychoanalylizing the protaganist on how his daddy issues and orphanhood affected his current attitude. And I refuse to write fanfic of British dudes in the 1600's who are checking out the Americas.
This is a cry for help.
...ok so fun thing about characters: you can justify them doing pretty much anything, any time.
and you don't have to do it with character choices! if you really need a character to do something that they would never do unless it's in the most specific, desperate circumstance - you can make that circumstance a reality. Worldbuilding and outside influence are your friends here.
For example: Tango wasn't supposed to be able to explode. But he's very good about denying when something is wrong, specifically when it involves him taking a break from his builds, and I needed him to realize that something was wrong with him in "check my head." so I decided, well, if parts of his code that shouldn't come through are coming through, that'll get his attention. And then I had to figure out what would reasonably get his attention, as well as get resident "don't worry about it" twins Pearl and Grian concerned for Tango's own health.
So now he can explode.
The thing is, though, that trick works best when it's used sparingly. If you're consistently getting your characters into insanely specific situations to force the reaction you need to be in character, well, that will unfortunately turn stale after a while. Which is where the other part comes in: thinking about how they would react, basically all the time forever.
Literally, so much of my non-writing time is just passively thinking "how would X react to this situation? What if Y was there? What if I tried to get to point Z via B instead of A?" And I do it so much that for a few years now, it's been my writing process.
I think of a premise (what if Jimmy ate a gapple in Double Life to try and save Tango) and I think of a couple cool points that could come up (the glitch in Double Life immediately after, how the issue would manifest when they're in different servers, a couple other things that we're gonna get to later), and then I go, okay, so how do I get my characters to react in ways that will let me hit those points?
And for that, you start at the beginning. With the characters I want in this story - Lizzie, Jimmy, Tango, and Grian - how would they react to the inciting incident? How would they react to the fallout? Is that going the way I want it to? In Grian's case, it wasn't - I needed someone who could find the same information Grian had access to but would react completely differently. It's obviously not in character to have Grian react completely differently, so I gave fWhip a POV, and thought about his reactions to the points I already knew I wanted to hit, and tweaked things accordingly.
When you do it this way, you get characters who drive the plot, rather than being yanked along by it. And, with a bit of practice, you get characters who are consistent because your writing process is psychoanalyzing them to map the path forwards you most want to take.
#this got. long.#about the author#ask the author#the hesperides series#i might write up a better guide on how i do this later bc it's been asked a couple times now#and i'm not fully satisfied with either explanation i've given#it's. tricky to really explain. but really a lot of it is just brainrot#i have severe adhd and these guys make the brain function better if i rotate them in the background of my mind#and that translates to my ability to write them well#i don't think that works for everyone but i do believe thinking about reactions#will give you a better understanding of the characters#which in turn allows you to write them better#the other thing is take it slow#i write about 1k words a day and that seems like a lot#but i let it take hours and i pause and i go back and i double check that#yes that is what someone would do#yes that is the direction i need or want this to take#...actually yeah im gonna write up a 'my tips and tricks for writing' post this week
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[ID in ALT] I've made posts before about Talia/Dick co-parenting Damian moments (will never happen but let me dream) and this came to me in a vision. Took me ages to finish for some reason đ and then even longer to post
#dc comics#dc#damian wayne#dick grayson#talia al ghul#batfamily#dc robin#nightwing#anyway. yes im a self-indulgent ''dick as damians secret third parent'' truther#like i DO think it's way more complex and nuanced than the schmoopy affectionate fan portrayal of it#they're brothers they're father and son they're partners they're the dynamic duo except only in past tense etc etc#but consider! I'm not immune to schmoopy affection in fanworks. it compells me despite itself#anyway it's technically not that crazy when it comes to dick and damian. they hug! often! at least they did#it's not as big a leap to these types of scenarios#also talia ''somewhat absent for complex reasons on both her and damians part but very loving and loved by her son'' al ghul#you will always be famous to me#son of the demon origin...bwahhh#anyway. someone made a comic kind of like this/like a post i made abt this topic#but way funnier bc dick and talia starting trying to beat each other up#so go look at that as well#anyway. it's been a somewhat difficult few weeks so I'm. desperately trying to take it easy#i got some reading with me (first vol of kevin smiths GA run that i found second hand and jaimes BB run vol 2!)#so we'll see how far i get through those. considering there's demons in my head telling me to re-read things (LET ME OUT!!!)#when i finish GA and BB i do plan on rereading robin 2021. as a treat to myself#it's a run I've really warmed up to as time went on#I'm keeping up w/ the current b&r run even though it is. admittedly very slow w/ some weird dialogue#i read it for the damian content more than anything. also nikas back so that's neat :]#idk I have a feeling that after absolute power shakes out we might get some more creative team switch ups#so if anyone at dc is interested in taking over the reigns on b&r...that could be very neat#mine
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Core Gems
So when a ghost becomes injured, they have a last ditch defense where they retreat into their core. And I mean, injured badly where their body is rip apart to the point they canât hold a solid form anymore. And they basically go into a hibernation state until they are strong enough to form again.
Ellie, Danny, and Dan are all injured in a final battle against the GIW. The organization was destroyed and the ghosts were safe but the halfas ended up being so injured that they reverted to core form and then went to sleep for a bit. When they woke up, they were still weak but at least recovered enough to gain consciousness. And realizeâŚthey are in some kind of auctionâŚin the middle of a heist. It appeared that two furries (one in a bat costume and one in a cat costume) were ducking it out. And theyâŚthey were a necklace. All three of them had been turned into a necklace with their cores as gems accompanied by sapphires, pearls, and opals. And frankly gorgeous craftsmanship as the metal was crafted around their cores as if to cradle them and the other gems.
Unfortunately, they were too weak to take a form properly, they could still feel the strain on their bodies. But at least they could still communicate through their auras. Then the cat lady punched a hole in the glass container surrounding them and grabbed their necklace.
However, the bat grabbed the other end and it resulted in a sort of tug-a-war. Meanwhile, Danny, Ellie, and Dan were having a back and form commentary on the situation and what they should do. Completely unheard by the other party.
In the corner of their eye, the three halfas finally noticed a third contender. Some kind of clown who wasâŚhold onâŚholding a gun?! And it was pointed straight at the two fighting furies who had yet to notice him. The ghostsâ protective instincts went into overdrive and they frantically tried to shout, yell, move. Just do something to warn the two but their cries fell on deaf ears. All they succeeded in doing was faintly glow which immediatly caught the attention of the fighting duo. The two turned to look at the strange necklace but right at that moment, the clown fired and a gunshot rang throughout the auction room. Having no other options, Danny and the others poured every ounce of ectoplasm they had to try and phaseshift, making the two furries intangible as the bullets passed right through them, but in their shock, the two jumped away in opposite directions and accidentally ripped the necklace apart. Gems and pearls went flying and the three cores bounced along the ground.
Luckily, the two finally noticed the clown and went to deal with him and his minions who had appeared. Seemingly putting their fight on hold and forming a temporary truce. The three halfas could only watch as the battle finally wound down, ending with the cops barging into the place and arresting the clown and his grunts, the cat managing to escape with half the scattered gems and pearls from the broken necklace along with a few other jewelry pieces (none of their cores though) and the bat leaving through a skylight.
The auction continued and in the end, despite being broken, their necklace seemed to have caught someoneâs interest. A man named Bruce Wayne bought up every piece of the shattered jewelry wear. The auctioneers appeared relived that the item managed to sell in the end and gratefully gave it to him.
Bruce had no idea what happened at the auction, but he could have sworn that some of the gems faintly glowed right before he and Selina were shot. If the necklace was some sort of magical item, then he needed to understand exactly what has been brought to Gotham. It was unfortunate that Selena had taken some parts of the necklace but he utilized his vast wealth to make sure all the other parts ended in his possession. Now he would take them back to the mansion for examination.
#Dpxdc#dcxdp#kizzer55555 ideas#Bruce thinks the necklace is magical. Heâs technically not wrong.#When he gets home he immediately puts each gem in a glass container to examine them. For the longest time though nothing happens.#They all look like normal gems except for the main three of the piece. He canât identify what kind of gem they are.#The gems are perfect spheres with various shades of blue (with hints of green and white) swirling around.#The colors almost look like they are moving in slow motion. Still. Nothing happens as he examines them and no strange events happen.#That is until one day he decided to take the gems to be examined by a professional and a villain attacked.#A piece of building was about to crush him when a wall of ice appeared as a shield over him. After that he took them back to the cave.#Bruce looks up thousands of documents about enchanted necklaces and artifacts but finds nothing. He even calls in favors from JLD.#Zatanna doesnât recognize them but feels some kind of power coming off the gems however it doesnât feel malevolent (at least for 2 of them)#(The last gem is neutral.) Also Constantine was unavailable (*cough* hiding from responsibilities *cough*)#The other bats get interested in the gems. Tim has a theory that they are some kind of protective charms. Damian agrees.#(Everyone is shocked Tim and Damian agree on something). So while Bruce is continuing his investigation the other bats decide to do some#âField testingâ and take the gems out. Consequently the gems end up saving their lives and they discover a few things they can do like make#The wearer invisible. Intangible. Create green barriers/constructs. Create ice. Vibrate when an enemy is coming. And much more.#The bats fashion them into new individual bracelets/necklaces and think they are the coolest thing. They have powered up protective charms!#The halfas just wish these kids would STOP PUTTING THEIR LIVES IN DANGER! What are they MORONS?!#Most of the ectoplasms they recover is used to protect the bats and nearby civilians.#(Dan also trolls people and is mostly protective his siblings though)#People notice the new power ups. A rougue gets his hands on a gem and tries to use it ONCE to attack something but the gems didnât respond.#Then it froze the roughâs legs to the ground.#Much time later the gems are swapped between the bats and alternated and have just become a new item in their belt#(batman was not pleased but eventually got used to it and begrudgingly accepted that they were useful. Especially when they save his kids)#They come to a Justice league meeting and Constantine finally sees them.#His mouth drops in shock and he frantically asks where they got GHOST CORES?! And this is when the bats finally realise what they have.#And are horrified to realize EXACTLY what they are holding and that these âgemsâ were technically ALIVE.#Meanwhile the three Halfas have been kinda chilling but also working their butts off to keep this family alive. It was a fulltime job.
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One of my first digital pieces (2010) versus one of my recent ones (2024)
We all start somewhere!
#picked these cause they're in a similar pose lol. i mean not at all. but sort of... more than my other art at least...#oh fuck im so tired im saving this to drafts and coming back later#my anxiety meds wipe me the fuck out so im trying not to take them in the day#and they're like legit borderline a sleeping med for me. i take one and in 30 mins im OUT.#so I'm. i mean i was already only taking 1-2 in the day and then 2-3 at night#anyways it makes me sad when people say they dont have an artistic bone in their body#and especially when they say they could never draw like me :(#dont put yourself down to lift me up! i don't want my art to be used for you to be mean to yourself!!!#lots of experiences of people comparing themselves to me and being mean to themself...#feels bad. it's okay if you're slow it's okay to be learning it's okay!!!#I'm me and you're you and we're here to learn from each other. i just wanna hang out..#y'know what I'm just gonna post without saying anything i WILL forget I made a draft#i have so many things i intend to post and then forget#it's a wonder I post anything#i only do it when i get bored. and run out of stuff to scroll through#like whelp. guess if i want a post I have to make one myself.#also the second one is really good idc that it's a study i still drew it#art growth#this was in 2010 btw#i started highschool in 2011#I've grown a lot and you can too.#also I've never really been one to dislike my old art. like idk I was trying... if it's bad I just won't look at it whatever#like i wouldn't be mean to someone else who made that so i don't get a free pass to be mean just cause it's to me#man my thoughts are bungled. okay sleep time#if my phone made typos you didn't see it
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hii hii lumii !! I ADORE your interpretation of lighter so farâ I love him smm
anyways, I hope my req is okay but I was wondering if you could do a comfort fic ? maybe reader has been a lil distant lately and just in some feels and he gives them a lil talk after being blown off here and there to find out they were having issues w their mental health and not feeling good enough and maybe heâs caught off guard because reader is usually so out going and always has a smile on their face and to see them feel so small makes him wanna take care of them so much and gives them so much reassurance and gentle kisses and cuddles đđ
I hope itâs okay !! Iâve been in the feels lately
hi anonn !! im gonna answer this one first because i've been in the feels too and i think we all deserve some reassurance, especially after all of the sad lighter story.
i don't take lighter for the kind to be too intrusive. that's not to say that he doesn't notice the way you're staring off into the distance, as if always having something on your mind. or the way you left earlier than usual for the SoC's nightly hangouts around the fire. or the way you had just been distancing yourself from him.
maybe you just needed a day, or two, and so he waited. he waited, and waited, but it just seemed like it was getting worse. he was beginning to get anxious, coming up with possibilities and worse case scenarios. even his favorite grape-flavored lollipop couldn't reduce the anxiety that was building up inside of him as he followed after you one night.
he shook off his nerves, spending quite a bit of time at the front door of your lodging while in blazewood. mentally practicing what to say so that he wouldn't make things even worse than they already were. one step, two deep breaths, three knocks on your door. he cleared his voice, usually confident and smooth but now carried a hint of worry in it.
"hey, uh... everything alright?"
you could hear the ruffling of his jacket, the soft metal clinks of his gloves. he didn't dare open the door until you allowed him to, so he waited, just like he always had. "lighter? yeah, everything's fine," was that a slight crack in your voice? no, no, he had to have imagined that. he knew it was wrong but he had waited long enough. he turned the knob, opening the door just a little bit but still not walking in.
"you don't have to tell me everything. just... know that i'll be here, waiting for you." he wasn't the best at comforting, nor was he good at even navigating these sorts of things but at the very least, he wanted you to have the knowledge that you had him. it didn't take long for you to finally get up, opening the door that separated the both of you. you looked so... different. the light absent from your eyes, the edges of your lips normally turned upwards but now they weren't. if he couldn't say what you wanted to hear, maybe you'd understand through his actions.
his arms wrapped around you. squeezing you just a little tighter than usual as he somehow made the both of you waddle backwards into your room. he had kept his gloves in his pants, not wanting to hurt you even more with them. his embrace was a familiar warmth, like the fire during particularly cold nights in the outer ring. you could hear his heart racing, was it from nervousness? anxiety? fear? even he didn't know.
he took this as an opportunity to place soft kisses on the top of your head but then stopped all of a sudden. he turned around to the door and realized that it was still wide open. he kicked it close with his foot, feeling embarrassed at the fact that he had to stop because of something so minor. he wanted you to feel safe, to have privacy, to be able to breathe without others barging in. technically, he had invaded this space of yours but you were slowly melting into him, as if you had been waiting for this too.
every passing second hugging you, kissing you, it made his own worries disappear. he hoped the same for you as you slowly spoke to him about your own problems. as he listened, he'd pause every once in while to give you a deadpan stare. not because he was making fun of you or anything, but it genuinely baffled him how you could say such things about yourself. you felt so insecure about yourself and your image, about being with him, being with the SoC. he had to physically stop himself from just blurting "i love you" every time you said something so degrading.
instead, he chose to wait and listen. his calloused hands gently caressing yours, his lips pressing kisses on the side of your head as you nuzzled into him. he loves you for who you are, the person in front of him, not the image that you had made yourself out to be in your mind. but he waits for you to let it all out before he says anything else. he will wait, he will listen, he will always be there for you.
#lumiresponds Ëâ§âââ#lighter zzz#lighter lorenz#zzz lighter#lighter x reader#lighter x gn reader#lighter x you#i think i butchered this req idk im sorry anon#i didn't want to make the problems very specific#because everyone goes through different things#but just know that if you're not in a good mental space#it's alright to take breaks#there are people around you who are willing to listen#and lighter exists#he would give the world to you if you so ask#i know this cuz he told me anon mhm#i also don't think i write lighter that well tbh#haha ig this is one of my own personal problems#i hope i didn't ruin him for yall#i think many other writers write him much better than me#but i really appreciate it <3#i hope that everything gets better for you anon#even if its slow it gets better
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Unlike ssmy, I think I'd actually prefer it if hrkg didn't miss immediately when they get together. If anything, I'd love if we see that get built up too, like they WANNA kiss each other but they're too overwhelmed to actually do it, so they start with cheek or forehead or hand kisses instead... I'd eat that up
#i just like the idea that they take things rlly slow#neither of them have kissed before and didnt even think about it before each other#so like#they gotta move at their own pace#kagiura wants to bad but lets be real#he's lose consciousness#and hiranos like#yeah whatever dawg#nonchalant ass#but they wanna try#they just take a minute#and after that is history#once they learn how to kiss u cant get them off each otheâ GUNSHOTS#hirano to kagiura#kagiura akira#hirakagi#hirano and kagiura#hirano taiga#kagihira
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this but peppino
okay
#pizza tower#peppino spaghetti#i swear i'll do the other one soon bro#i'm sorry man this is why i love and hate drawing i always take so slow on things i promise to people
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Off the back of this great post by @hermy-97 about Endo's choice in Twilight's alias last names and specifically the comedy therein, I had MANY THOUGHTS! But in a DIFFERENT DIRECTION! I didn't want to hijack the original post though, so am jumping off separately. (Manga spoilers discussed herein)
Following in OP's footsteps and borrowing here from Google's definition, here's what Google says for 'forge':
1. make or shape (a metal object) by heating it in a fire or furnace and beating or hammering it. (eg: "he forged a great suit of black armor") 2. create (a relationship or new conditions). (eg: "the two women forged a close bond") 3. produce a copy or imitation of (a document, signature, banknote, or work or art) for the purpose of deception. (eg: "the signature on the check was forged")
As OP covered off meaning three, I wanted to look more at meanings one and two!
Iâd personally argue number one also applies if taken as metaphor.
1. make or shape (a metal object) by heating it in a fire or furnace and beating or hammering it.
I think it works broadly for how trauma can sometimes feel (for better and, more often, for worse), but more specifically in the context of Twilight & SxF, I think about how 'forged' is often used as a metaphor for people's experiences of war, speaking to how those experiences shape them (particularly: 'forged in the crucible of war'). Indeed, ash is a frequent motif throughout Twilight's backstory chapters:
Personally I'd say its reasonable to extend the metaphor back further into Twilight's adolescence and childhood, given how (understandably) angry, hurt and grief-stricken it left him, leading him into the military (undoubtedly though he also, ironically, joined the army as a means of survival: food, shelter, a desperation to do something and have some form of regularity even if it was within the context of the military and a war campaign, etc). Of course this could also apply to many other adults in the series, and their experiences of the two wars.
Iâd say definition two applies as well; OP noted Twilight's honeypot missions in this instance, and I think it carries further, outside of either honeypot or other missions.
2. create (a relationship or new conditions).
It can be taken as a whole within the Forger household, after all Twilight did create the Forgers. But more importantly to me, this meaning applies particularly by way of what Anya and Yor are doing within the family, their choices and aims, and how theyâre influencing and shaping the Forgers. And then, of course, Twilightâs choices in return, both under the explicit guise of for the mission and those times when the mission is curiously (ahem) absent from or delayed in his thought process. They three are forging something real, regardless of what the family began as, and regardless of how they may be looking at it presently.
I'd tend to say that, of our three, Anya is doing this most intentionally: I know Twilight does a lot as Loid, and I think the tone he set for the family actually does impact this collective act of creation fairly substantially. However, he still tells himself the family is temporary: maybe it's nice while it lasts but it will end and that's that. Whereas Anya is, insofar as she can conceive of it as a five year old, very deliberately trying to create bonds and smooth possible fissures, with an explicit view of everlasting. Which makes sense, since she's the only family member who knows the full circumstances, even if she doesn't and can't (and shouldn't) understand how complex it all is.
Yor, of course, also does a lot but again, I don't think she sees it as a specific project; in part because our favourite assassin isn't known for her forward planning, and also because it's simply how she moves through the world. And that's speaking: that Yor's impulses, instincts and choices build into forever-types of foundations, without her necessarily thinking of them that way. There are many tragedies within SxF but the one I think of with Yor particularly is that she is such a community person and particularly a community builder, but due to her traumas and circumstances, she hadn't had the opportunity to live that part of herself. It's one of my favourite things, watching her come into her own and live out her values and priorities inside and outside the home. /side track. All of which to say, she is, definitionally, a forger. As here, where she creates bonds with not only her colleagues but demonstrates connecting threads across generations and individual experiences.
The definition around creating something also applies to Twilightâs mission in Strix â preventing war actually also necessitates the forging of bonds. Itâs unclear how things will shake out with, for instance, Yuri, but Twilight-as-Loid-Forger is already a positive presence in several circles (his hospital job for instance) and Yorâs presence is also increasingly positive (at work and it seems possibly/probably with Melinda) and Anyaâs also making positive waves in her circles (with Becky, and while I think Damian's trajectory is a bit less linear, I know others argue that she's positively influencing him as well).
(If I wanted to go deeper, I'd also borrow a Watsonian perspective and chat a bit about what it says about Twilight to choose the name Forger, given his clear wants for family and his equal surety he can't ever have one, even from the first few pages of the manga... Perhaps in another meta.)
I think it's also worth noting that although Endo goes to this particular joke well a few times, Forger stands distinct. Neither 'Phony' (def: not genuine, fraudulent) nor 'Spoof(y)' (def: imitate for comedic effect; hoax or trick someone) have any sort of additional meaning along the lines of actual creation. And of course, in the case of Spoofy, Twilight is tricking the military; and with Fiona, bless her, any sort of romantic relationship with Twilight would only ever be fraudulent.
I wanted to round things out with one more definition, this time taken from duckduckgo's:
"To advance gradually but steadily."
If that isn't the tune of the Forger family and Spy x Family generally, I don't know what is.
#spy x family#spy family#spy x family meta#meta#loid forger#the forgers#here fandom take this!#undoubtedly others have already talked about these things#*on gradually and steadily: shout out to fellow TwiYor shippers may the slow burn keep slow burning đŽâđ¨
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no matter how hard i tried i couldn't get this piece to work w full color and lighting so ur just gettin this instead </3 reigen's somewhere off-camera with his head in his hands wondering who FUCKING hurt his kids
#qkdraws#id in alt#not as obvious without color so that's teru who's lying on mob btw#no color Also takes away the fact that mob is wearing reigen's stupid bear (???) sweatshirt#yaknow that one w the Fucking Thing on the front.whatever the hell it is#i think it's rly funny that he gave his first one to an Alien and he just.bought another one. of the same design#he liked it apparently#and now it's mob's.i Do make the rules and i say so#u can tag this as terumob btw idrc#i usually see them as platonic or qpps but whatever floats ur boat :]#btw i always draw teru w his intro haircut but he's almost never pre-mob teru#i just like his first haircut so i draw that one. a lot more fun to draw than the others too#i think that one fits him the best <3 i miss his intro haircut ..#kinda bummed i didn't get this to turn out how i wanted but ! tryin to work on letting my art be unfinished and unpolished#and bein like.okay w posting stuff like that#maybe one day ill color a sketch and Not line it ...................woahjay slow down#mob psycho 100#mob psycho#mp100#teruki hanazawa#mp100 teruki#mp100 mob#mp100 shigeo#shigeo kageyama
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Belobog was my fave main quest but a lot of it is so. Contradictory. It's like they had multiple groups doing different shit and none of them checked in with each other for consistency. And you see this so much in Gepard's profile.
So in the main quest, they made him unfailingly, unquestionably loyal to Cocolia. Gepard's character arc is him learning to question authority etc etc. And this isn't even a bad thing; that's a story worth telling! It makes good conflict between him and Serval! And I love that we got Gepard as a boss battle and I get to see him all the time in SU!
But then you look at his character stories and it's like. The complete opposite.
According to his profile, Gepard has already HAD this awakening, long before the Astral Express, and he'd already decided Cocolia sucks. Even outside of his stories, there's a pretty damning readable between him and Pela.
He even disobeyed direct orders right in front of her- he has been disobeying orders for a while now!
So I've decided I'm marrying the two different sides of this into a 1.5k fic-ish thingy, because I think there's some fun potential there with Gepard not trusting Cocolia, but still having to pretend to be a good obedient little soldier.
Anyway. I love to think of it as like. Gepard knows Cocolia has sunk into her apathy. He can see it in her eyes every time he looks at her. She doesn't care. Not about him, not about Pela, not about all his soldiers on the frontlines giving their lives to protect the citizens. And that's... It makes him bristle a bit, but ok. Gepard can deal with this. Even if Cocolia no longer cares, as long as she does her job then it's fine. Having compassion behind an action doesn't matter as much as the action itself. If Cocolia's heart is no longer swayed, then he'll just have to care twice as hard to pick up the slack. He considers it part of his duty as a captain of the guard anyway. It's fine. Gepard can deal with it.
And then, Cocolia starts coming down to the restricted zone. Issuing direct orders.
And Gepard realizes he is in way over his head.
Because Cocolia orders him to stay back and issue commands from the ramparts, away from all his comrades, away from where he can protect them.
Gepard had thought nothing could be as bad as watching a fellow guard die right next to him. But the first time he watches someone struck by a killing blow, so far away, it hurts. Every defensive scar across his arms itches, his fingers curl in want of a weapon, the cold cannot numb his hands enough as they desperately ache for his shield. It hurts.
Gepard tries to find any reason to stay. Because surely... He knows Cocolia has lost her love for her people, but surely... She wouldn't...
One day, Cocolia orders for their gunners to advance 20 yards. There are no survivors. She almost looks like she smiles.
Gepard doesn't sleep that night.
Pela brings him the report at the end of the first month; and then the month after that, and the month after that. A significant uptick in losses, and all of it started on that first day Cocolia started overriding his authority and issuing her own orders. The ends of Gepard's pens have all been nearly chewed off. Pela outright calls Cocolia an idiot, and Gepard corrects her. Cocolia isn't an idiot. Gepard had known her through Serval, knew her through all her college years and then some, and he knows how intelligent she is. It's not that she's stupid, and it's not that she's inexperienced, it's nothing of the sort.
Cocolia knows exactly what she's doing.
She must, there's no way she could make such a horrible mess of things so badly by accident. And Pela, quick as a whip, sharp as a tack, always too smart for her own good, catches onto the meaning behind Gepard's correction without any further prompting. The tent goes deathly quiet, nothing but the wind howling outside.
"...She's trying to kill us," Pela whispers, her voice swiftly suffocated by the silence.
Gepard swallows. He can't bring himself to correct her this time. There is nothing he could say that he would actually mean.
His gaze drops, back down to his desk and the reports on it. The names aren't listed, just the numbers, but Gepard knows them, knew them, and there must be something wrong, something he's missing, because why, why would she-? What could this possibly accomplish-?
âGepard! Focus!â Something snaps right under his nose, and Gepard startles, eyes instantly honing in on Pela's irritated face as she leans over his desk. She holds his gaze for a moment before she huffs and begins to pace, wedges a knuckle between her teeth and bites like Gepard hasn't seen her do since cadet school.
Pela angrily strides from one end of his tent to the other, words hissed between her grit teeth. âWhat are we going to do?â In the dim lighting, Gepard can just barely see the damp spot of blood weeping under her gloves. âWe need a plan.â
âA plan?â
âWh- Yes, a plan! Unless you want more people to die!â Pela rounds on him then, all the wrath of a blizzard, winds roaring and snow sharp enough to cut.
âWe don't even know-â
âWhat does it matter?! She killed-!!â Pela cuts off with a garbled noise when Gepard leaps up from his desk, hastily shoves his hand over her mouth. The prosthetic, not the flesh one, because he knows better than to assume Pela won't seize the opportunity to leave teeth marks in his skin.
âYou're right. I'm sorry, I'm sorry; you're right. But you need to keep quiet.â Pela quirks an eyebrow at him and Gepard can read the question in her face. âBecause we both saw what she did to Serval,â he hisses.
It's amazing the snow plains haven't thawed out yet, the amount of heat Pela can put behind a glare. The mere mention of Serval, and the smoking ruins Cocolia had made of her life and career, have her bristling up like a riled cat. The sudden hot breath she takes fans fog across his metal skin, and Gepard wisely keeps it in place until Pela finally sighs and reaches up, taps her fingertips against the back of his hand.
The second she's free, Pela bats him away and then her knuckle is right back between her teeth again, Gepard leaning back against his desk with his arms crossed to watch her resume her pacing. âIf we spread the word, she'll have us discharged and make sure we can't even touch the frontlines,â Pela's voice seethes like an open sore. Gepard nods but keeps his silence. He knows better than to get in her way.
âAnd if you and I are both out of the picture, Belobog is fucked.â A little harsher than how he would have put it, but there's no denying that they're both important to the city's survival. Pela has the restricted zone running as efficiently as ever, and Gepard had become the youngest captain on record for a reason. âWe need to keep this tight under wraps, at least for now⌠It can't leak to anyone higher up the chain.â Another nod. âServal might know other discontentsâŚâ Another n-
Gepard's head snaps up. âNo.â
âNo what?â
âNo. We're not involving Serval in this.â
Somehow, even the same tone that leaves entire squadrons shaking in their boots has never worked on her. âYou're not deciding that for her, Gepard.â
Pela hadn't seen the worst of it, though, back when his sister had just been banned from the Architects. Serval's pride hadn't allowed it. Pela wasn't the one to find her passed out bottle still in hand, hadn't been the one to wash the sick out of her hair or carry her to bed.Â
Serval still has trouble thinking clearly when it comes to Cocolia, still can't quite bring herself to be objective. And Gepard maybe doesn't want her to be purely objective- but he would worry a lot less if she thought twice before she acted more often.
âAt least let me be the one to bring it up to her.â
âWhatever, fine,â Pela gestures affirmatively at him as she paces past, and Gepard sighs. Good, at least that's one thing he can help.
From there, it's a lot of hemming and hawing and frustration. Cocolia has them under her boot, and Gepard and Pela both know it. Even with the way she's been cracking down on freedoms lately, Cocolia is still, overall, liked by the people. It's unlikely anyone would believe them. They don't even have solid proof, because most people don't know Cocolia as well as they do and won't see the clues in the same light.Â
The Fragmentum has been ramping up in recent years, too. Everyone is struggling just to survive as is, they can't afford a fight on two fronts. Gepard is a damn good captain, one of the best for that matter. But they're at a massive disadvantage, his experience is narrowed to fighting a defensive battle against monsters, that's all he's ever done. That's all anyone there has ever done. He has no way of finding first-hand knowledge for taking the offensive against a human opponent, and if he goes at this blind, there's no way he'll get everyone out unscathed. He's going to lose people. He's going to lose a lot of people.
He'd never thought before that Cocolia would have it in her to have someone killed. And with this new knowledge, he has no guarantee she won't go after Serval or Lynx if she decides to retaliate.
Gepard has to remind himself to breathe when he realizes this.
Pela writes down every name the two of them can come up with. Lists and lists of names and groups and anyone they can think of who might be an ally in all of this. They memorize every bit of it, make their plans of who to talk to and when. Gepard watches the sparks reflect off Pela's glasses as they burn the evidence together.
Pela finally leaves, far too late to make it home, but says she wants to stay in the restricted zone anyway to investigate. Gepard watches her make her way in the direction of Dunn's tent, watches her back until she's out of his sight and squashes down the urge to follow and keep an eye on her. His tent feels empty.
In the morning, Gepard is up before the wake up bells. He drags himself out of bed, leads his soldiers through their morning training. The same people gravitate to each other everyday. Friend groups and training partners. There's an ongoing rivalry between a few squadrons that everyone bets on. Some of them have lockets around their necks, keepsakes, mementos. Some of them wear wedding rings.
Gepard is suddenly, painfully aware of something acidic clawing at the inside of his throat, of a heavy weight low in his chest that blooms, takes up room until it threatens to spread his ribs. His mouth tastes of bile and blood.
He rearranges the schedules. Puts himself down for every open patrol into the Fragmentum, makes sure he'll be on the frontlines every single time Cocolia visits.
He only hopes that it's enough.
#honkai star rail#gepard landau#hsr gepard#pelageya sergeyevna#hsr pela#hsr#smacking Gepard out of Hoyo's hands and running off with him skzjmdkd#tentatively Figuring Out how to write these two... It feels a little tricky starting out with extreme circumstances like this haha#I feel like a lot of people see Gepard as naive for trusting Cocolia so much but I don't think that's quite it. He's not stupid.#He's not even naive.#He's someone who has been groomed since birth by his own parents to be an obedient Guard and nothing outside of that role.#You are not immune to propaganda etc etc#But even then there are a lot of things like all the included screenshots where he. Doesn't actually seem to like/trust Cocolia much.#I think Serval was a really good influence on him as a kid. He might have turned out much much worse without her.#and even with how I've written him here. I don't think he's normally slow to act or one to stand aside and make other people lead.#it's just that this specifically was a pretty extreme circumstance for him.#and also he openly states elsewhere that Pela is overbearing and he tries not to interfere with her work whenever possible nskzhdjdjd#Pela too. I don't know that I normally see her as someone with a bad temper or quick to anger.#But again; extreme circumstances haha#Bc like. they both would have seen what happened to Serval when she stood up to Cocolia. they know damn well what's going to happen to them.#if they fuck this up and get caught then they're done.#and I mean. What are they supposed to do? they're two people against the highest authority of the entire nation.#regardless I do love Gepard agonizing over this in the future after Bronya takes over and everything has settled down#did he do the right thing? did he make the right choice? if he went vigilante how many soldiers would have died without his protection?#would Belobog have fallen completely? how many people died because he DIDN'T run away? was it actually enough?#I love characters forced between a rock and a hard place. no good options. pick your poison.#no winning- only weighing what you can and cannot bear to lose.#make your choice and decide whether you want to rot or to burn.
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Got up early (for me), ate a light and healthy breakfast, applied to some jobs, took a long mental health walk with the dogs, gave one of them a bath, and even did some phone calls and messaging regarding my medication and pharmacy problems and managed to sort it out without breaking down!!! And! Showered!! Kicking ASS at mental health today
#im studying myself like a bug. with no judgement or compulsive self hate when i see the results. and then doing something different based on#those results#and its working#ive noticed that im much more productive when i have someone else to help or listen to. its a little uh sad because im not easily able to#to take care of myself and do things for MYSELF. but if its for someone else then its like i gain momentum#going out to clean out MY car? well i dont care how gross it is im not worth the effort.#cleaning out my car for my brother who i drive to therapy every other week? fuck yes its going to be nice and clean because therapy is impo#rtant and i want to help you stick with it and so we make it not a chore but lighthearted sibling time#like do you get it#anyway slow progress is still progress#the number of good days are slowly catching up to the number of bad days#post beginning of the pandemic 2020 was so brutal on me. moving back in with my parents especially#but i have a plan now . a real one. and friends to help me as well !#oops rambling in the tags haha#long tags
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#it's me i'm the wind blowing#y'all things are a little more complicated when it comes to these two#(sits down and takes a sip from my dark blue coffee mug)#(thinks: i wish i had springtrap coffee mug)#so...#both of them have difficult pasts#both are parents trying their best on raising their children#THE THING IS#one can't let herself get too attached#while the other is still afraid all humans are the same#but at the same time. they just want to find peace and happiness#and they've found it at home#they found happiness living those very brief and mundane moments#like waking up every morning#having breakfast next to people that make you smile#making your way to school/work and seeing sunlight pass through the trees#and going home after a tough day and there are rain clouds approaching. you just know you're going to sleep well at night#this is how they heal. and in the mean time. let themselves open up to each other#I have a feeling this is gonna be a slow burn kinda thing#COUGHING REALLY HARD#ENDING THIS RIGHT HERE OKAY BYE#starbstalks#springdad au
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redesigning these guys because i missed them
#jor hates shopping so they put off buying new clothes till the last minute. so literally nothing they have fits anymore. SAD#i decided to not bother making a ref for them skinny because i never draw that. you can figure it out im sure. in my mind this is ~5 months#into Doing It and about 8 months since they met. these guys are not very good at moving slow which is probably a bad thing but hey!#it worked out for them i suppose. dont move in with a guy after only knowing him for a week#also nobody asked but i like doing animal hybrids so in my mind mixed species things are very common but you tend to just mostly take after#one parent or the other.#đ#also no naked version because i couldnt be bothered#đŚ
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I donât even fully know why but âwhat do I do when I miss you so much?â / âJust wait, and pray desperatelyâ was a knife to my heart in the best way.
#crash landing on you#my grandma once said most of life was waiting and praying#and when he said it it just resonated so deeply#I think because. itâs not like a revelation or anything#but I think itâs just because she was suffering so much and had suffered so much#and so in that moment#he just takes care of her so completely and gives her hope. and not a false hope#a true one#and on deeper reflection the ending does work within the context of this (in my opinion) most powerful scene#/ apex of the show#itâs just the tone thatâs a little wrong. thatâs too aesthetic-y.#because the kind of steady way he keeps taking care of her from afar. and the slow build of her recovering but continuing to hope#couldnât lead them anywhere except a happy ending. even if the final pieces of it couldnât be unraveled (or put together)#by the showâs writing. so it just kind of has to fade to black so to speak#because the characters have been so steady and consistent a) in their personalities motivations and desires#and b) in their love for each other! that never falters or betrays a false note#and itâs the truest thing youâre left with. which is whyâagainâI actually think the problem might have been the tone#I would have gone for something more muted. I would have had them be talking and/or arguing a little more in their old way#to keep and sustain the idea that there is more work ahead for them that weâre just not going to see#but that is ultimately a kind of nitpick. and the take me to the lakes vibe of that final#scene is also not untrue.#also circling back for a second can I just SAY. that I love the balance of their vulnerabilities#there are such clear and distinct times where one of them is stronger and the other more vulnerable#and itâs sooooo perfect to watch and gives you many instant layers#anyway Iâm crying in this Chiliâs tonight (*my bed at 7:00 am)
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Hi everyone! I'm back again to give you Redo; Rewind's weekly progress update! Or in the case of this week... negative progress? Un-progress? But we'll get into that in a second.
Next Update (Chapter 4):
Opening: 100%
Avoid August/Confront Him: 90%
A Normal Day at Work: 5%
You Can Fix This, Right? đ¤Ą: 0%
Keep Your Friends Close...: 0%
Avoidant Route: 0%
So, you may have noticed that the Avoid/Confront path has gone down 5%. The reason for this: I have (once again) decided to add a new route. Which means, including the new unfinished sections, that the overall progress has decreased. Uh, oops?
On the plus side, this means more options/content for you, the player! But... yeah... Hopefully I'll been finished with it soon lol.
#redo; rewind if#interactive fiction#if game#progress report#whoops i added more routes again lmao đ¤Ą#the section was literally done and then at like 2 am the other night i went âokay. but what if...â and it just spiraled from there#but. i don't see it taking me too long to finish it! and then i can get a move on to the next part!#and more content for y'all to play isn't exactly a bad thing. it just slows my progress some
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Huntlow situationship gives me such intense brain termites you don't get it
#no i dont think its because Hunter needs time to heal first#i think if it was up to Hunter they would plunge into a committed romantic relationship immediately after the events of the finale#he would propose to her in like. 3 months probably#i know that sounds intense but i think this is what ''i literally died and came back to life'' mania does to a guy#he is so carpe diem minded hes become a little insane. he wants everything#no more waiting around. no more hesitating. he cant afford to do that anymore#would it have been the wise decision to enter a romantic relationship immediately#who's to say. but Hunter would have done it without thinking about it#its Willow that makes the decision to slow down and wait a while before they make any committments theyre not ready for#i dont think she's entirely learned her lesson about letting herself be emotionally reliant every once in a while#shes made progress but the events of ftf were such heat of the moment responses#once things are semi-stable she still needs to adapt to acknowledging that her feelings for Hunter are like. serious. and scarily intense#so like. yea Willow is slamming her pedals on the breaks for both their sakes. shes thinking about how this would effect Hunter too#but also. she scawwed.#when Willow tells him she wants to talk and she's like ''i think we should just be friends'' oh the face he makes is DEVASTATED#he didnt expect it was going in this direction at all. but like. once Willow explains how this is the most reasonable decision for now#he DOES agree. he understands what shes saying and he agrees that it's the best decision to take a breather before they jump into a romance#anyway even when theyre not officially dating the flirting continues insistently. they are very obsessed with each other and cant stop#Willow keeps trying to insist to herself that its just messing around. nothing serious. they find each other hot. its fine to kiss a little#but Hunter makes it very hard when he looks at her with big brown labrador eyes. looks at her like shes the entire world#i think if it was up to Willow they would have been trapped in that uncertain limbo forever. shes too scared to take the plunge#even if she wants to. she badly wants to#but Hunter just wont let that happen. every so often he says ''im ready whenever you are''#he makes his intentions very known. he is not the shy boy from Camila's house anymore#Willow cant just playfully flirt with him without worrying that hes gonna reciprocate. he talks now. he expresses himself#shes a little afraid of that. but she adores it too. he makes her feel safe but also he wont let her stay in this comfort zone#hes giving her the push she needs to pursue this relationship. gives her to push to feel like she can go after what she wants#because god knows HE knows what he wants#they make me so insane
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