#the opening of Dangerous? where he does the call-and-response but there’s no response?? killed me

[rileys-battlecats]

have you listened to the vengeance saga yet? If so, what are your thoughts? I'm so eager to know since your mutiny animatic is what got me in to epic!

YESSSSS IT WAS SO GOOD!! I was listening to the livestream last night while booping people en mass here on tumblr, multitasking 💪💪

I loved all the songs, but I think my favorite from the new saga is Six Hundred Strike, purely for that ENDING ough. absolutely visceral. If I end up making another epic animatic, I’ll probably end up doing that one! I’ll definitely have the whole saga on repeat for at least the rest of the week HAHA

[shotmrmiller]

PAUSE! OH MY GOD. writing a soap smut got me thinking. 

As a medic in base, you see the 141 guys all the time. Whether in passing or because they get injured, you’re always interacting with them. Your particular lack of response at Ghost’s irritated glare after reprimanding him for being unable to keep his stitches intact during training is what solidified your friendship with Johnny— what Soap tells you to call him.

Every time Johnny goes out, he likes to drag you along and this is where you notice peculiar interactions between him and Ghost.

The way Ghost gives Soap Johnny his full attention when he’s speaking, turning his entire body to face him, even if it’s something completely trivial. Or how Johnny stresses over Ghost who’s injured on your med table and Ghost will comfort him. When going on a mission, if one goes, so does the other.

You wonder if there's something else going on.

—

You get your answer.

One day you’re knocking on Johnny’s door because it wouldn’t be the first time he’s tried to weasel out of a physical. You’d think getting shot would hurt more than a vaccine but here you are— about to twist his scottish ear off. The door finally opens, and you barge in because you aren’t about to cause a scene in the middle of the hallway when you freeze. 

Ghost is in Johnny's room, lying on the bed. If looks could kill, Ghost’s would’ve leveled the base. And he’s naked under the sheets— if that tree trunk-sized bulge is what you think it is. It doesn't even look hard. Bloody hell. 

You shift your gaze towards Soap, and your eyes drop— he's clad in nothing but a towel that hangs dangerously low on his hips. 

Massive. These men just walkin’ round with weapons in their pants.

Shaking off those thoughts, you shift your attention to his face.

“Meet me at the clinic in 10 or so help me god, Johnny.” and walk out the door.

You hear a muffled "Yes ma'am" , and a hiss escapes your lips.

That cocky smile Johnny had means he definitely saw you ogling them. 

—

A week passes and it’s a friday. You can’t wait to lock yourself in your barracks room and watch movies the entire weekend— you plan to start as soon as you're off the clock.

And then other medics twist your arm into going out for drinks.

Now you find yourself seated at a table in a lively bar, indulging in shots of tequila. As you glance around, your eyes catch sight of Soap and Ghost standing near the bartender. It appeared that some woman is talking to Johnny and he has a polite, detached smile on his face. Always too kind to strangers.

Then she starts caressing his thigh.

Your eyebrows shoot up to your hairline. Right in front of Ghost’s salad? You lock eyes with Ghost and he looks murderous. Jesus.

You usually don't stick your nose in others' business, but if you don’t intervene, Ghost might actually kill her in her sleep. Besides, tequila has always made you bold.

With a confident stride, you make your way towards Johnny and remove that woman’s hand before settling yourself snugly on his lap— and you wrap his arms around your waist.

“And who is this?” you ask Soap, but the girl questions back.

“No. Who are you?” 

Bitch. 

Curling your upper lip, you answer, “I’m the one he comes in every night hoping it takes. Now leave before I make you,” completely ignoring the massive bulge pressing up into your arse.

She looks at you with a bewildered expression, but doesn't move so you finish off with, "Try it. Just a warning though, it'll be hard to fight when the fight ain't fair."

You cock your head to the side with a taunting expression and the woman scoffs before walking away. Noticing she left her almost full drink behind, you give it to the bartender to toss in the trash. She's just gonna have to get another one.

Your act comes to an end, so you shift to stand up— and realize that the arms encircling your waist tighten, keeping you on his lap. His clothed cock.

“Ye didnae think we’d let ye go after yer little show, did ye?” 

Unless Johnny’s speaking french, he just said we. You'd be nervous but you aren't about to decline what could be the best sex of your life. The want you feel in Soap's pants has you riding a certain high— it makes you feel confident.

Grabbing onto the edge of the bartop, you swivel the stool you're on to face Ghost. 

“And this okay with you? I wouldn’t be stepping on any toes, or nothin’?”

Ghost swiftly lifts you from Johnny's lap and places you onto his own.

“Does this answer your question?” and draws you closer before grinding his erection against you.

And it sure as hell does. Slapping the counter, you ask for some water. If this night is going to end with you sandwiched between these two, you want to remember all of it.

reader's a boss ass bitch. GET IT CHILE.

[gaywarcriminals]

Remember that time Xiao Jiu wanted to beat a kid with a brick?

The scene where Shen Jiu threatens Shi Wu is possibly my favorite scene in the whole novel because it tells us so much about qijiu's dynamic, both past and future, and namely, that they're both little freaks (affectionate) who show love in weird ways. I think it particularly exemplifies several of Yue Qingyuan's traits that often go overlooked!

I am just going in order. All excerpts are from the Seven Seas official translation, Volume 4, Chapter 24: Yue Qingyuan and Shen Qingqiu.

Shen Jiu fights for resources

“Shen Jiu, don’t think you can just throw your weight around. You don’t own this street. What gives you the right to tell us we can’t stay?!” This main street was wide and even, and many people came and went upon it. If one wanted to beg, it was the best and prime location. Some of the passersby watched this group of children fight, but even more hurried on their way. And this new brat had the gall to challenge him. Shen Jiu looked down and around, preparing to find a brick with which to teach him a lesson, when a tall youth happened to walk over. He saw Shen Jiu rolling up his sleeves, head lowered, and hastily went to stop him. “Xiao-Jiu, let’s go somewhere else.” [...] With Yue Qi standing in front of him, Shiwu grew bold. He leaned forward and yelled, “Every time we go to a new place,you always hog the best spot!

From this we know that Shen Jiu, without fail, tries to claim or fight for the best begging spots in every city. This isn't fully textually supported, but add to that the later section that mentions how Shen Jiu was far better at begging than Yue Qi and I think that, on some level, SJ feels responsible for both his and Yue Qi's wellbeing. Chasing off the other children is not just a selfish act, but also a protective one.

According to the orders given to them, Yue Qi should have wailed and wept, but no matter what, he never could manage to cry. Therefore, this task had instead fallen to Shen Jiu, even though he was faking an illness that supposedly left him too feeble to weep. But he was small and his face wasn’t too unsightly to look at, so whenever he sobbed and bawled, the passersby found him pitiful and generously opened their wallets. It would have been no exaggeration to call him a money tree.

Xiao Jiu fancies himself the breadwinner lol.

How Yue Qi reacts to accusations against Shen Jiu

That first youth took the opportunity to tattle. “Qi-ge, he’s bullying me.” “That wasn’t bullying, Shiwu,” said Yue Qi. “Xiao-Jiu was just joking around.” “Who’s joking?” said Shen Jiu. “I’m telling him to get lost. This is my territory. I’ll kill anyone who tries to steal it.”

I've anyways found this passage so telling of their eventual adult relationship! First of all, Yue Qi implicitly takes Shen Jiu's side, and immediately defends him. This seems to be taken for granted by all characters, so we can assume this is their standard dyanmic. Yue Qi, notably, does not deny that Shen Jiu was threatening Shiwu. In this situation where SJ is actively gearing up for a fight, it would be a very poor defense, and that's probably true of most messes Xiao Jiu got himself into! 

Most of Yue Qi's actions in the scene are attempts to de-escalate. This is just my theory, but I think in Yue Qi's mind, who's at fault is much less important than making sure no one gets in trouble with a higher authority. Even if he knows SJ could win the fight, it would only gain SJ more animosity, and possibly the attention of someone who would be a real danger.

I think it's evident how Yue Qi's ethos of keeping their heads down and not causing trouble or drawing too much attention would feed into how he handled Shen Qingqiu's less commendable behavior as an adult and complaints against Shen Qingqiu.

In the brothel scene later in the extras, we can see that he's conscious of their image. 

Yue Qingyuan yanked Shen Qingqiu off the bed. He was in a rare fit of anger. “Why are you like this?” “Why am I like what?” asked Shen Qingqiu. “Two of Cang Qiong Mountain’s head disciples getting into a huge brawl inside a brothel—does that sound good to you?”

Imo, now entrenched in the politics of the cultivation world, YQY sees protecting SQQ's image/reputation as an important part of protecting SQQ. Yue Qi spent his childhood managing Xiao Jiu, and as an adult, he's not able to so easily break the habit, not matter how SQQ scorns him

Shen Jiu does not get upset by attacks on his character, only from Shiwu calling Yue Qi "Qi-ge"

With Yue Qi standing in front of him, Shiwu grew bold. He leaned forward and yelled, “Every time we go to a new place,you always hog the best spot! Everyone’s been sick of you for ages! You think you’re all that? That everyone’s afraid of you?” “Shiwu,” Yue Qi scolded. Amidst the struggle, Shen Jiu kicked Yue Qi in the shin. “If you want a fight, I’ll give you one. Only losers would blame their spot for their incompetence. You bastard—who’s your Qi-ge? I dare you to say that again!”

Now granted these aren't the most cutting insults, but it's SO interesting to me that Shen Jiu doesn't react to the insults directly. To me, this is a little bit of evidence that, even at this age, Shen Jiu had already decided he was a bad guy, and stopped caring about what others thought of him. The glaring exception to that was, ofc, Yue Qi. I think part of the reason that SJ reactions to the "Qi-ge" specifically, is that Shiwu just said that no one likes Shen Jiu, and then tried to align himself with Yue Qi. I think to SJ, he sees a real threat in the idea of someone else stealing Yue Qi, the one person who likes SJ. SJ is so possessive of Yue Qi not just because he's Qi-ge, but also because, without him, Shen Jiu would have nothing and no one.

Yue Qi tries to deescalate by coaxing/appeasing Shen Jiu

“You’re the bastard! I bet you’ll get sold off soon and end up a pimp!” Yue Qi didn’t know whether to laugh or to cry. “Where did you learn that kind of nonsense language?!” Then he dragged Shen Jiu off to the side of the road while coaxing him. “All right, you’re the most competent one here. Even if you didn’t pick and choose your spot, you’d be the best. So let’s change streets.” Shen Jiu stepped on his foot. “Get off me! Like I’m scared! Come on, fight me! Wanna gang up on me? Go ahead!” Of course Yue Qi knew he wasn’t scared. If he really let Shen Jiu brawl with the other kids, he would fight dirty. He’d gouge at their eyes and kick them in the belly or crotch or shin. He was terribly vicious, and the other party would be the one to end up suffering and bawling in terror. Yue Qi forced down a smile. “Are you done stepping on my foot yet? If you are, stop it. Qi-ge will take you somewhere fun.” “What shitty ‘fun’?” Shen Jiu asked savagely. “The most fun I’ll have is if they’re all dead.” Yue Qi looked at him helplessly and shook his head.

Yue Qi only barely scolds Shen Jiu, even when Shen Jiu in the wrong (tried to steal Shiwu's spot and then almost beat up Shiwu). Instead, his reaction is to distract, coax, bribe, and praise him until SJ looses interest in whatever trouble he was going to cause. Yue Qi is so biased, and he spoils him 😂. Even when Yue Qi has so little he can give, he managed to spoil Shen Jiu by giving him so much favor, attention, and affection. 

I think this is something that comes naturally to Yue Qi to the point that he can't help himself from doing the same thing as an adult, even when SJ scorns him. It's just the correct response to seeing a Xiao Jiu! He's the "why do we have hands" meme fr 

Yue Qi smiles imagining Shen Jiu beating up the other kids

Of course Yue Qi knew he wasn’t scared. If he really let Shen Jiu brawl with the other kids, he would fight dirty. He’d gouge at their eyes and kick them in the belly or crotch or shin. He was terribly vicious, and the other party would be the one to end up suffering and bawling in terror. Yue Qi forced down a smile. “Are you done stepping on my foot yet? If you are, stop it. Qi-ge will take you somewhere fun.”

I don't have much to say about this, I just want to remind everyone Yue Qi finds SJ's violent, feral tendencies adorable. This man has no desire to train his cat, and he will insist it's friendly even as it gnaws on his arm.

In Conclusion?

This single scene shows us the trajectory of qijiu's relationship going forward, the strengths of their relationships that became pitfalls. It allows to imagine what they could have become if not torn apart by a world set to doom them.

[elihermit]

Eddie Diaz x Reader

Can you do a fic based off of 911 5x13 Fear-O-Phobia where Eddie destroys his room with a baseball bat but instead of Eddie destroying it Y/n does.

my tears ricochet

pairing: Eddie Diaz x fem!reader

summary: you work in a call center, answering emergency calls and you thought that no call would break you anymore, but today you have reached your breaking point

this fic is based on season 5 episode 13 “Fear-o-Phobia”

word count: 2,2k

author’s note: this fic contains references to child abuse and self-harm, please read with caution!

You're on shift again today and you're pretty tired at the end of it. You had an hour left before the end of the day and you really couldn't wait to get home to Chris and Eddie, even though you knew Eddie would be back a little later than you.

“Long day, huh?” — you break out of your thoughts and see Josh in front of you. You had a fifteen-minute break and decided to have coffee.

“Don’t even start, it’s like this full moon curse decided to show up earlier.”

“I feel you, but guess what? You will be free soon and my night will be long.” — Josh sighed and went to pour himself a cup of coffee too.

“Lucky me, I guess.” — you got up to go to your desk and continue taking calls. “Back to service.”

You sat down at the table and gave yourself a couple more minutes to get ready for the last hour of work. This job was difficult, sometimes your emotions could take over, but you thought you had already learned to control them. And even if you thought about quitting, those thoughts went away after a minute, because you knew that you were the first person people counted on when they were in danger and you wouldn't trade it for anything.

You put on your ear piece and come back to help people.

“9-1-1, what’s your emergency?”

“Please, my dad is going to kill me.”

You hear a child's trembling voice and your heart turns over.

“Sweetie, tell me what’s going on? Are you in danger?”

“My dad gets aggressive when he drinks, he took his gun.”

“Is he threatening you with a gun? Are you in any pain?”

“He pointed it on me, but I ran to my room. Daddy hit me in the head, I feel dizzy.”

“Open the fucking door!” — you hear a drunken male voice and banging on the door. You need to be fast.

“Okay, honey, help is coming. Tell me your name and address.”

“I’m Audrey, 354 N Spring Street.”

“All units, 354 N Spring Street, the man is intoxicated, he is armed and threatens his daughter. Possible child abuse and injuries.”

You quickly notify units about this and it takes your breath away. You need to save the girl, no one will get hurt today.

“Okay, Audrey, help is on the way, I will stay on the line, until they arrive. Is there anyone else at home?”

“No, it’s just the two of us. Please hurry, he’s going to break the door!”

You feel a tear rolling down your cheek, but you quickly brush it away.

“Help will be with you in 5 minutes. In the meantime, I want you to listen to me, okay? Hide under the bed or in the closet and try to be quiet, sweetie.”

You can hear the movement on the other end of the phone. Your palms are sweating and you're breathing fast. Your whole focus is on this girl.

“Okay, I'm under the bed.”

“Good job. Help is almost there, Audrey.”

The next thing you hear is a broken door and a little girl screaming. You hear a man swearing and a loud bang. You can't control the tears.

“Audrey, are you there?”

But there is silence in response. All you can hear is Audrey's screams and pleading for dad not to hit her anymore. Your hands start shaking and you feel like you're suffocating, everything is in a blur and slow motion.

“LAPD! Raise your hands and move away from the girl by 3 meters.”

You hear the voices of the police, but it's too soon to exhale, you don't know if it was too late. You feel Josh's hand on your shoulder and only now realize how much you're crying.

“Dispatcher, this is 134, the girl is unconscious, but stable, got here on time. We’re heading to the hospital.”

It should be a moment where you exhale, because the girl is alive and she will be fine, but you can't shake the feeling that you could have done more. This is not the first call from a child in your career, but it was the first call where you heard everything in "action" and it broke you.

You open the front door to the house and walk inside on weak legs. God only knows how you got home, because everything seemed to stop and you were alone in this trap. The girl's scream is still in your ears, and burning cheeks remind you of tears that you couldn't control. All you wanted right now was to be alone.

“Hey mommy.”

You hear Chris's voice from the living room and go there. He started calling you mom not so long ago and you loved it. You accepted him as your own child and Eddie always made sure to thank you for that.

“Hey, baby. Is dad home yet?”

You wanted Eddie to be at home, he was your safe place, who always dispersed the clouds when they appeared over your head. But another part of you wanted him to still be at work because you didn't want to explain what happened.

“No, but he should be in an hour.”

“Okay. How about I make you dinner and turn on cartoons while you eat? Mommy is not feeling well and I would like to lay down for a bit. Are you going to be fine on your own?”

“Sure, I wanted to watch cartoons all day!”

Chris smiled broadly and it melted your heart. He's so cheerful and positive that sometimes you thought you needed to learn from him. You loved him with all your heart and if something had happened to him, you would have died. But one question haunted you - how can you protect him if you couldn't protect the child at work?

You put a sandwich in front of Chris and turned on his favorite cartoons. He thanked you, you kissed him on the forehead and went into the bedroom. After closing the door, you sat down on the bed and finally let out all your emotions. You were angry, sad and crushed. You were angry at yourself for not being able to do more, you were angry at this worthless father who allowed himself to treat his own daughter like that, and you were angry that now you weren't sure you could save Chris if it was necessary.

Tears were pouring from your eyes, this cutting pain in your chest, which was growing with every second and this feeling of utter helplessness drove you crazy.

You didn't know what was driving you, but the next thing you knew it was the bat in your hands and the first blow to the wall. You never thought you had that kind of strength because that punch left a hole in the wall. You scream, this scream is more like a plea and each blow gets stronger. You don't hear anything that's going on around you, you just hit the bat against the wall and scream, thinking that it will make your pain less real.

Tears are still pouring out of your eyes, you can feel the salty taste in your mouth. You throw the bat on the floor and it falls with a loud bang. Now your hands are hitting the wall and you feel your knuckles getting scratched, but you didn't care. Now the most horrifying screams are coming out of your throat.

“Hey, buddy. I’m on my way, do you want anything?”

“Dad, please hurry up! Mommy is not well.”

“What do you mean? What happened?”

Eddie's body immediately tensed up and he accelerated the car to get home faster.

“I don’t know, I keep calling her, but she won’t answer.” — Eddie heard heavy thuds and screams in the background.

“Okay, Chris, don’t worry, I’m almost here.”

Eddie ran to the house and opened the door. During those minutes while he was driving in the car, he wanted only one thing - for both of you to be okay.

He saw Chris near your shared bedroom and immediately ran up to him.

“Chris, are you okay? Where’s mom?”

“She locked herself in the bedroom. I tried to call her, but she was screaming really hard.”

“Okay, buddy. Sit in the living room, please, I’m gonna go get her, okay?”

“Okay.” — Eddie watched Chris go.

“Hey baby, it’s me. Can I come in?”

He didn't hear anything. Just the silence that didn't give him any peace of mind.

“Okay, I’m going to come in, (Y/N). Stay away from the door.”

Eddie kicked down the door and was finally able to enter the bedroom. The first thing he saw were holes in the wall. He took two steps and saw you sitting on the floor with your back leaning on the bed frame. Your legs were pressed against your chest and your head was in your lap. Eddie saw your shoulders shaking and heard you sobbing.

He immediately knelt down and cupped your face in his hands so that you could look at him.

“Hey. Hey, hey, I’m here, baby. What’s wrong? Please talk to me.” — he saw your red eyes and wet face from crying.

When you finally looked at him, you saw his frightened eyes. He was looking for an answer in your eyes and patiently waited for you to explain everything to him.

“He almost killed her, Eddie. I should have done more. I heard everything.” — the tears started to flow with renewed vigor and a sound more like a whine came out of your mouth.

“Shh, mi amor. I’m here.” — Eddie wrapped you in his arms and you cried into his shoulder. He stroked your hair soothingly and said sweet nothings in your ear. “Let it out, baby. I’m right here.”

He hated seeing you like this. He knew that his job was difficult and that he was risking his life, but he knew that your job is 100 times more difficult emotionally because you hear every pain, fear and suffering of other people when you get a call.

“We’re right out here, Chris, don’t worry.”

You are now in the kitchen and Eddie has left Chris's room. You were sitting at the table and looking at your hands. Your knuckles are red and swollen from the blows and your head has so many regrets. You scared Chris.

“Is he okay?” — you asked in a whisper and didn't want to think about hurting Chris. That's your biggest fear.

“He’s still scared. Makes two of us.”

Eddie sat down across from you and you looked up. You were so upset for what you had done and it was eating you up.

“I’m so sorry. The last thing I wanted was for Chris to be scared of me.”

“Hey.” — Eddie took your hand. “He’s not scared of you, he was scared for you.”

“Did he call you?”

“He did. I got here as fast as I could.”

You chuckled. This scenario is ironically similar. A call from a child who asks to be saved from a parent. Only his call was to save you. And it hit you with an epiphany. You wanted so badly to never put Chris in danger that you unwittingly reproduced it into reality.

“I got a call today.” — you finally started explaining. “It was a little girl and she asked for help, because her dad was abusing her. A-and…” — your voice faltered, but you continued. “Then he beat her up and I heard her screaming.”

“Oh, mi amor. I’m so sorry.” — Eddie squeezed your hand, but you got up and walked over to him. He immediately realized that you wanted to sit on his lap and gave you this opportunity.

“I still can’t shake the feeling that I should have done more. And now I doubt that I can protect Chris. I can’t even do it at work.”

“Look at me, (Y/N).” — he put his hand on your face and looked into your eyes. “Do you know why Chris started calling you Mom? Because he feels safe with you. You make him feel loved and protected. And that's all we can both ask for. You are enough.”

He kissed your cheek and continued.

“I’m sorry you had that call and you had to hear all of that. But you did everything and even more, I’m sure of it. You saved that little girl. Who knows what would have happened if help had arrived 2 minutes later. But YOU did everything in time.”

And you realized that your job does not consist of personally being at the scene of accidents. Your job is to make sure that help arrives at the right time and you did a damn good job.

You smiled and felt relieved. You didn't look at this situation from Eddie's point of view and that's what got you. You wrapped your arms around Eddie's neck and buried your fingers in his hair.

He pressed you closer and kissed you on the shoulder. Every bad thought disappeared when he was around. And his arms always caught you when you started to fall to the bottom.

You heard the notification sound on your phone and pulled it out of your pocket. It was a message from Josh:

“Audrey is alive and stable. They say it was perfect timing.”

“Always on time, huh?” — Eddie saw the message and smiled at you.

“I like to be punctual.”

He pressed his lips to yours and kissed you gently. He's always here to rescue you, and you're always here to answer quickly.

[veeagainsttheday]

Two lines from OFMD s2 have been rotating around in my head for the last few weeks. 

The first is from s2e3, when Ed is speaking with Hornigold about his sandals, and Hornigold tells him that he always has to have an angle. Ed responds by saying, ‘Nah, mate, I’m actually just a very simple man’ before sharing his thoughts about opening an inn. 

The second is in s2e7, after Ed left Stede, when Stede and Izzy are in Jackie’z. Izzy says to Stede, ‘You know what he did when I told him I loved him? He shot me,’ as Stede says, ‘He shot you. I know.’ Izzy continues, ‘He’s a complicated man.’ Stede doesn’t respond; they look at each other for a moment and then the scene ends. 

First of all - that line of Izzy’s about Ed shooting him when Izzy told Ed he loved him makes me want to start ripping my hair out in frustration. Ed shot Izzy when Izzy announced in front of the crew that vibes were bad because of Ed’s feelings for Stede Bonnet. Ed responded to Izzy saying he loved Ed by making a noise of disgust and walking out of the conversation. So it’s fascinating that Izzy has reframed the event in this way (and not the first time we hear him reframe it - as he tells Lucius a shark took his leg). Stede obviously heard that Ed shot Izzy (he says, ‘shooting people’s legs off’ in the list of reasons why Ed’s in the sackcloth at the start of s2e5), but we have no idea where he heard it from or who told him why. The way he says, ‘I know,’ to Izzy in s2e7 gives me the impression that he’s heard Izzy say it a number of times - he sounds weary. I’m guessing Ed’s never told Stede what really happened, nor any of the crew who witnessed it. But if I could ask the writers about one line from s2, I really think this would be it - I just don’t know how to interpret it (and if anyone has any ideas, I’d love to hear them below!). 

Anyway. Back to those two lines. Ed says he’s ‘actually just a very simple man’ in response to being misunderstood by Hornigold (actually his own self-consciousness). For two seasons, Ed’s been attempting to communicate that he’s got a simple, reasonable desire to retire from a dangerous, violent career and be with the man he loves. Izzy’s response has been to deny Ed that, to call Ed insane, try to keep him in piracy by whatever means he can, and of course try to get Stede killed. By the time Ed’s in the gravy basket, he’s arguing even in his own head that he’s a simple man, with a simple desire for the future. 

Then we come to s2e7, and Izzy still doesn’t get it. He still thinks Ed is a complicated man, he still thinks Ed is acting in a way that doesn’t make sense or requires some convoluted explanation. It’s notable to me that Stede doesn’t agree - we know from s2e3 (and, ya know, the rest of the show) that Stede understands Ed deeply.  Then I think about Ed talking to the ‘wolf’ in s2e4 - ‘It’s a very rare thing to find someone who understands you,’ he says, tears in his eyes, obviously missing Stede but also - fuck, man, that scene with the rabbit is so funny but makes me so sad for Ed, because he really does have a pretty simple desire and he’s spent months - implied years - being told that he’s crazy for having it.

[zombiigrll]

ok ok, hear me out...

Enid Rhee x Dixon!Reader??

Prompt: "...Why are you quiet?" "That's probably the most I've ever heard you talk."

So basically, where reader (either fem or gn, whatever you want) is Daryl's kid (biological or adoptive) and they're super quiet, similar to their father. Like, only speaks if spoken to. Reader and Enid are close friends and maybe after a dangerous encounter, or something angsty, reader can't keep their feelings to themselves anymore and confesses.

AAAGH i'm gonna leave it at that and give you whatever creativities you want. I literally love all your fics and your style of writing, so I hope you like this request and take it cause I would personally be thrilled to see what you come up with.

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FATHERS DAUGHTER. ⋆｡°✩ enid rhee x fem!dixon!reader .ᐟ WORD COUNT .ᐟ ⭑ 1.2K ꩜ .ᐟ WARNINGS ⭑ angst + fluff + friends to lovers (mostly fluff IDK WHAT TO CALL IT theres so many fanfic terms my ass is not caught up on!), reader is daryls daughter (you can interpret if its adoptive or not ), reader is quiet/monotoned, near-death situation? kissing, mostly just cute stuff with a tiny bit of angst! .ᐟ SUMMARY .ᐟ ⭑ you admit your feelings out of fear. ꩜ .ᐟ A/N .ᐟ ⭑ okay i LOVE THIS REQUEST ANON!! thank you so much!! enid is so fun to write for and this was just so fun to write AHH!! and thank you so much im so glad you like my writing, hope i did your request justice <3

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you had been staying up all night reading some book you had found on a run.

it was clear to everyone that you were a night owl. you could stay up days without being super effected by it, but that could also just be what happens after being in an apocalypse for a few years.

or, it could be that you were exactly like your father.

you were as quiet as him, had the same sleep schedule as him, everything.

anywho, you stayed up and saw the sun started rising, and thats when you remembered you and enid had a quick run together a little ways away from alexandria.

you decided to start getting ready a bit early, just to kill some time. you placed your bookmark in the gutter of the book before closing it and standing up.

the only thing differently you did from your father was that you kept all of your clothes as clean as possible. you even did his laundry sometimes. you didn't blame him though, he was a busy man. you were glad you could help in some way.

you picked a blue flannel, rib-knit tank top, and jeans.

just as you finished changing your clothes, you heard a knock at your door.

"come in." you replied monotonously.

enid opened the door, raising her eyebrow with a slight chuckle as she looked at you. "you're already ready?"

"mhm."

"did you even sleep last night?" she walked over to your bed and sat to your side.

"no. i was reading." you looked at her. your expression and voice was always quite flat, but enid never cared. she knew it was just who you are, and she'd never change a thing about you.

"of course." she nodded in response, looking at the book that laid behind the two of you. "you are your fathers daughter."

"what's that supposed to mean?"

"oh, nothing bad." she nudged you in the shoulder. "you're just quiet and a night owl. just like daryl."

"yeah." you put a hand up to your shoulder, acting like it hurt with a slight smile.

"well, are you ready to head out?" enid jumped off the bed and picked her bag back up.

you nodded, standing up with her.

...

you've been driving for a little while now. like i said, the place your guys' run was located was a little ways away from alexandria.

but, you guys made it.

you parked on the side of the road and stepped out, grabbing your bag as well as holstering your gun.

you looked over to your side at enid as she stepped out of the car. you walked a bit further forward, scoping out the area.

"does it look clear so far?" enid sneaks up behind you, her iconic smile still plastered on her face.

"so far. i don't hear anything right now, but we still have quite a bit of area to look over."

she nods, stepping directly to your side. "i'm sure this run will be easy. we've never had much trouble over here." enid continues, her voice almost sounding as if she's trying to comfort you?

you shrug. "mhm."

the two of you walked throughout the forest, no signs of any walkers.

"why'd they have us go out here if theres nothing?" enid looked around, her knife in hand despite her firmly believing she wouldn't need to use it today.

"you're jinxing us."

"you believe in jinxes?" she chuckled, her mouth slightly curving up.

you look away, a bit embarrassed. you shrug your shoulders again in response.

as you step forward, you hear a crack from the woods that you guys had yet to check.

"yes, i do."

you pull your gun out and begin stepping into the woods with enid following behind you.

there was a hill at the edge of the woods with a couple of trees surrounding it. you could barely see where it ended.

you turned around at the sound of groans, and spotted quite a bit of walkers in the distance heading right your way.

but before you could think, the edge of the hill cracked beneath your feet.

"oh shit!" you screamed as you fell. enid instinctively reaches out and grabs your hand. you hit your nose on the hill as you swing down, causing it to bleed.

it was at least a 20 foot drop. you looked down as enid struggled to try and get you up.

"oh f- hold on! it'll be okay." enid tried to comfort despite her freaking out along with you. she moves her other hand to try and pull you up.

"fuck, fuck!" you panicked, the taste of iron entering your mouth as you tried reaching your other arm up to help. you helped her pull yourself up and you fell onto the ground.

"come on! we have to go!"

enid holds your hand, intertwining it with hers, to lift you up. you both begin running through the forest and past the walkers that were starting to surround the two of you, adrenaline rushing throughout both your veins.

you guys arrive back at the car, throwing yourselves into the seats and catching your breath.

without thinking, you start speaking through your breaths.

"oh man, i thought.. i thought i was going to die... i thought i was going to die, and i didn't even tell you how i love you, enid. i really love you, i-i'm sorry."

enids eyes widen, her hands still placed on her chest catching her breath as she stares at you with a reddened face.

after a moment of silence, you speak up again.

"...why are you quiet?"

"that's probably the most i've ever heard you talk."

enids expression changed into a large grin. she leans forward and pulls a rag out of her backpack. "and you didn't even care about the fact that your nose is still bleeding."

you stay sitting there as she cups your cheek, putting the rag up to your face.

she didn't respond to what you said.

did she feel the same? or did you just make a fool out of yourself?

as your nose stops bleeding, she sets it down and looks at you with a smile.

"i love you too, by the way."

before you could react, she leans forward and kisses you.

your body froze as you processed what was happening, but you finally got the courage and moved your hands up to her cheeks as you returned the kiss.

you could feel her smile under the kiss the moment your hands touched her face.

you were sure she could tell how anxious you were. that she could tell that there were butterflies in your stomach and a knot in your chest, despite the kiss being soft and delicate.

she pulled away, her mouth still curved into a smile.

you looked back at her in shock, taking in all of her features before she broke the silence.

"you're extremely red."

you choked on air as her words snapped you back to reality. "oh, shut up."

"i'm serious! you look like a cherry." she giggled, moving your hair behind your ear.

you rolled your eyes, unsuccessfully pushing away a smile. "come on..."

"wanna do it again?" she tilted her head, her hands moving down to your shoulders.

despite what seemed like a protest previously, you nodded vigorously.

she laughed and leaned in once again.

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[juniperhillpatient]

I know I'm terminally coffin-brained lately but hear me out it really bothers me that the perception of the Coffin of Andy & Leyley is ONLY "hehe incest cannibalism game" which is....not EXACTLY inaccurate but it certainly simplifies it ya know??? like I call it the incest cannibalism game too as a joke but I'm realizing there are a lot of people who think of it as like...a porn game? & btw I'm not AGAINST porny games or whatever I just think it's reductive & inaccurate to call Andy & Leyley that when in reality there is not even (so far) any textual sexual content beyond a demonic vision of a possible future. yes very obviously their relationship does have a sexual & romantic undertone, but it's compelling specifically because it's a complex story about siblings who have been genuinely fucked over by their parents & the world & they have developed a topically obsessive codependent relationship as a result.

like the initial conversation that the game's title is based on is Andrew casually half-jokingly talking about killing himself & it's just so..... narratively delicious. Ashley is not some horny one-dimensional slut who just wants to fuck her brother? Her reaction to Andrew talking about suicide is to joke that she'll race him to the balcony & he says back - semi sarcastically but we KNOW there's truth in his words, that he's clearly thought about this - that it would be too romantic, that they would be smashed together on the pavement, buried in the same coffin & like...the game proceeds from there with these two living in this intertwined fate, tangled together in ways neither of them can ever escape. it's romantic but it's also tragic & awful.

Andrew's love for Ashley will always be bitter & tinted with resentment because he was thrust with the responsibility of raising his little sister when he was only a child himself. he was made responsible for caring for Ashley with absolutely NO example of what caring for someone looked like & he was barely old enough to care for himself. Ashley never had anyone care for her in her entire life except Andrew & so she absolutely adores him to a dangerous & unhealthy degree.

like I hate it when people think Ashley is oh so abusive & manipulative or Andrew is so awful & selfish (she is manipulative & he is occasionally selfish) but like - as if there are not layers upon layers of WHY she treats Andrew the way she does & WHY he's so resentful. (as a side note I think debating who abuses who (aside from obviously the fact that they were both abused in different ways by their mother) or who's "worse" just...misses the whole ass point.)

and the cannibalism is initially about survival & the stakes are very apparent & built super well given the opening of the game spends a lot of time just demonstrating that they are literally starving to death to the point where Ashley is fainting & they're sharing a can of tomatoes out of the garbage joking that it's the best meal they've ever had. it is highly worth noting the way their actions escalate & get worse & worse with time as the game proceeds & you can see the way they're both getting more & more comfortable with violence & taboo. this game just would not compel me if it were just randomly "lol let's eat people!" get real

idk I just feel like people who don't know the game get the wrong idea about it when it's actually SO narratively rich okay bye

(this is not an anti Gravecest post either just to be clear, I fucking love the ship I just feel like it gets oversimplified often & also that Ashley especially is highly mischaracterized a lot, even in the game's marketing sometimes. at the core of the game are two deeply broken people who were fucked over bad & who are tied together in a way that neither of them can ever escape. it's love as horror & I loooove that about it)

[lightofraye]

You are ridiculous, you have proof of nothing, all you have is selective blindness and deafness. you just choose to ignore every instance in which Jensen shows affection to anyone who isn't Jared. it doesn't matter how many times he expresses that he loves his wife, or his other friends like Misha. or even his own kids. you just don't want to hear it. all the good things he has, all the blessings and the large amount of love surrounding him, you don't want to see that, you rather have a drama novel. you don't want to see Jensen as a real person, all you can see is the twisted version of him that you made up on your head, a poor diminished guy who needs alcohol to cope with his miserable life and whose only friend in the whole wide world is JP. so how does your little novel ends? maybe you should write it down and finally be done with it. does Jensen die at the end? does he kills himself? or perhaps he's murdered by Danneel.

Y’know… I was going to put off answering this until tomorrow, but no.

Because you actually said something so horrific it demanded a response.

You think that’s the fate Jensen deserves? I mean… did you really think he doesn’t deserve a happy ending? Because I never said that. You did.

In fact, the part about the kids baffle me. Where have I ever said he doesn’t deserve his children? If anything my heart has been broken by the fact he’s away so much—forced to be away—that his eldest daughter is crying over it.

And you say I don’t see him as a real person? Really? What’s the flip side of my perspective? The AAs who see him so perfect, never capable of making a mistake? Who of us doesn’t see him as a real person?

I see his flaws. To borrow a phrasing an anon used on another blog, I see his freckles. I see his slightly crooked nose. I see those adorable eye crinkles that come out in full force when he smiles

I also see the man who made a terrible business and personal decision years ago when he decided to pursue The Winchesters without involving Jared. I also see the man whose decisions on the set that nearly cost a man his life.

I see the man.

Not the perfect Ken doll y’all are so insistent he is.

He’s flawed. A real human being.

And no, I don’t think he’s really friends with Misha because he’s never seen anywhere outside of cons with him. And given what a blabbermouth Misha is, we’d know in a heartbeat.

Hollywood is full of users, anon. Leeches. Hanger-ons. And fanatical fans.

No, you’re right, I don’t believe him when he says he loves Danneel—but when was the last time he’s said that? Not “she’s perfect for me” or “strong woman”. When was the last time he said he loved her?

You’re allowing your irritation with me to affect you, anon. I don’t know why you and the others are so insistent on arguing with me. What would be the purpose behind it?

To dissuade me? To persuade me otherwise? Why? I’m not here to change your mind. I merely share my opinions, much like I’m sure you do on your blog.

The only difference is, I’m not going to pro-Jensen blogs or pro-Misha blogs or anti-Jared blogs and harassing them.

That’s the difference between us. I’m expressing my opinions on my blog and am at peace with allowing others to think and feel as they like on their blogs.

I only speak up and act when there’s actual bullying or harassment or threats of violence to others—because we should absolutely care about that, regardless of who it is.

Here you are, mocking me, calling me stupid, coming up with horrific scenarios you seem to think I believe Jensen deserves (really?).

I see the world for what it really is, anon. I try to balance that with a little bit of hope and faith that maybe humanity isn’t entirely lost. That by speaking up about abuse, someone will be saved. By pointing out dangerous lies, someone will open their eyes.

What is your purpose here? To be bitter and angry that maybe, just maybe, your perfect image isn’t perfect after all?

Be better. Do better.

Accept that I have a different opinion. Block me, block my tags.

Go in peace. I hope you someday find some solace in this world.

[fdelopera]

A Jewish Analysis of Moon Knight Online as We Approach Hanukkah

So, I am a Jew. I am a Moon Knight fan. And I need to address an elephant in the room.

Over the past month on Tumblr, I have seen people making some of the most blatant antisemitic statements I’ve ever seen in all my life.

And I say this as a Jew who lived through a Nazi mass shooting on my Jewish community back in 2018. I say this as a Jew who used to have Evangelical Christians call me “Christ-killer” when I was younger. I say this as a Jew who grew up in the Midwest near a chapter of the KKK. The KKK would hold regular rallies against Jews, only a few miles from my house.

So when I tell you the antisemitism online has been bad, I’m saying it’s as bad as what the KKK does during their rallies.

Unfortunately, some of the antisemitism I’ve seen online has come from some people who are in the Moon Knight fandom, a community built around celebrating a Jewish system.

And as a Jew, I need to address this directly, especially as we approach Hanukkah.

I am putting this next section under a Read More, with a Trigger Warning for antisemitic language and mentions of SA.

This may be painful to read. But I am asking you to please read it.

Let me preface what I am about to say by reminding you that antisemitism is NEVER okay. Full stop. No matter the situation, no matter the conflict, antisemitism is NEVER justified. Antisemitism solves nothing. All it does is gets Jews harassed, attacked, and killed. If your response to any conflict is to respond with Jew-hatred, all you are doing is exposing yourself as an antisemite and a bigot.

And yet, I have seen people in the Moon Knight fandom reblog and say the most horrific, antisemitic things about Jewish people.

I have seen people in the Moon Knight fandom say that Jewish people deserve to be raped and murdered, specifically because we are Jewish. .

I have seen people in the Moon Knight fandom say that they think we Jews are like Nazis. This is called Holocaust-inversion. It is an antisemitic canard that started with the KKK (one of the major white supremacist hate groups in the US), and it is a form of Jew-taunting. Antisemites find the thing that is the most hurtful to Jewish people, and then they compare Jews to that. The Holocaust is our greatest tragedy. So by comparing us Jews to Nazis, you are intentionally degrading us. .

I have seen people in the Moon Knight fandom call Jews slurs that originated with the KKK and Neo-Nazis. Some people in the MK fandom have called Jewish people “Zios,” “Zio scum,” and “Zio rats” (among other slurs). These are antisemitic slurs from white supremacists. .

I have seen people in the Moon Knight fandom harassing me and other Jews to demand, “Are you a Zionist?” This is the “Good Jew/Bad Jew” antisemitic canard (or more accurately "Useful Jew/Bad Jew"), most notably used by the Nazis. You are sorting Jews into camps of “Good Jews” and “Bad Jews,” which puts ALL Jews in danger of attack. Antisemites use the "Good Jews" to attack other Jews, and then eventually antisemites label ALL Jews "Bad Jews" to justify attacking and even murdering us. This is what happened in my Jewish community in Pittsburgh, where a Nazi murdered eleven of us. He barged into Tree of Life synagogue and opened fire on two different congregations of Jews who were there for Shabbat. .

I have seen people in the Moon Knight fandom desecrating the Magen David and comparing it to a swastika. Again, this is another form of antisemitic Holocaust-inversion and Jew-taunting. You are comparing one of our most sacred symbols (the Magen David, or Star of David) to the swastika, the symbol of the Nazis. .

I have seen people in the Moon Knight fandom say that they want millions of Jews to die.

Let me put this clearly. If in some hypothetical scenario, you met Steven Grant on the street, would you go up to him and say, “Fucking die, you Zio rat!" or "Hitler should've killed more of you!” or “You’re a fucking Nazi!” Of course you wouldn’t. So don’t say this to REAL LIFE Jewish people, either.

If you are treating a FICTIONAL Jewish character with more respect and care than REAL LIFE Jewish people, you need to do some serious soul searching.

There is a term for the act of obsessing over a fictional Jew while at the same time disrespecting and harassing actual Jewish people: It’s called fetishizing Jewish people.

Here’s the thing that you maybe fail to understand. This is a VITAL lesson we Jews learned from the Holocaust: If you are a Jew, you are a Jew. Our fates are linked. It doesn’t matter what country we were born in. It doesn’t matter if we are Orthodox or non-practicing. It doesn’t matter what our political stance is on anything. Antisemites don’t care. They want us all dead.

There are only 16 million of us in the entire world. We’re 0.2% of the world’s population, and we were nearly all murdered several decades ago by the Nazi Holocaust in Europe and widespread ethnic cleansing by Arabs in the Middle East. Not to mention widespread pogroms in Eastern Europe a generation before (that is when my family came to America). And the 2000 years of antisemitic persecution and mass murder before that.

An attack on one Jew is an attack on all Jews. This is why Jews collectively mourn the eleven Jews who were murdered by a Nazi in the Tree of Life synagogue in Pittsburgh. Jews across the US and around the world say Mourner’s Kaddish for them.

And if you say you want Jews thousands of miles away to be mass murdered, you are saying that about me, too. You are telling me that you want me to be killed in the most brutal, vile, degrading way possible.

.

And now, Hanukkah is coming up. And there is about to be #MKCember (an art challenge like Inktober) within the Moon Knight community. And some of the art prompts relate to Hanukkah and to Shabbat.

And I think I’m one of the only Jews still involved in any capacity within the Moon Knight fandom on Tumblr.

Most of you in the Moon Knight fandom are gentiles (people who are not Jews). And you are about to create art that will relate to a Jewish holiday about Jewish perseverance in the face of annihilation. Hanukkah celebrates Jewish hope when all seems lost.

You are about to create art that relates to the rededication of the Second Temple in Jerusalem in 164 BCE, after Jews fought a bloody war for Jerusalem against the Seleucid Greek Empire. The Seleucids had defiled the Jewish Temple by slaughtering pigs on the altar, so the Jews, led by Judah Maccabee, had to purify the Temple. That is where the origin of the Hanukkah tradition comes from.

You are about to create art that relates to the Hanukkah Miracle, the Miracle of the Oil, that is recorded in the Talmud, one of our most sacred texts.

Hanukkah is NOT a communal holiday. It is NOT a gentile holiday. Hanukkah is a Jewish holiday. It is for Jewish people. Gentiles can participate, but only if you are respectful. And some people in the Moon Knight fandom have been horribly disrespectful to Jewish people.

And I remember last year, when many gentile artists created weird, culturally insensitive approximations of Hanukkah. Things like the hanukkiah (Hanukkah menorah) having the wrong number of branches, and being lit incorrectly. Things like MK System being dressed up in a Christmas sweater. Things like the Magen David (Star of David) having 5 points instead of 6.

Last year, I could laugh it off as people being ignorant.

But this year, after seeing the barrage of antisemitism that has come from some people in the Moon Knight fandom, this kind of poorly researched Hanukkah art will feel like a slap in the face.

So, what are some things that you can do if you are a Moon Knight artist, and you want to draw Hanukkah-related Moon Knight art for this challenge?

Here are 5 very strong recommendations:

NUMBER 1:

FIRST AND FOREMOST. If you are NOT going to be respectful of Jewish holidays, culture, and traditions, DO NOT make ANY art that depicts Hanukkah, or any Jewish holiday.

If you cannot respect Jewish people, you are NOT QUALIFIED to make art that relates to Jewish people.

I do NOT want to see someone posting Moon Knight art they’ve drawn next to a post comparing Jews to Nazis. In the words of Gene Wilder, a Jewish actor, “You get nothing. You lose. Good day, sir.”

Draw something else.

And if I see any antisemitic art posted online by supposed Moon Knight fans, you best believe I will be calling you out, and so will other Moon Knight fans.

NUMBER 2:

If you are prepared to be respectful of Jewish people and Jewish traditions, DO YOUR RESEARCH. For instance, there are lots of videos on YouTube where Jewish people show you how to light a hanukkiah (Hanukkah menorah).

MyJewishLearning.com, for example, has an explanation of Hanukkah candle lighting: click here.

These are two simple tutorials of how to light the hanukkiah (Hanukkah menorah): click here, and here.

This is an artistic example from last year of how to draw MK System lighting Hanukkah candles: click here.

Since there are also artistic prompts relating to Shabbat, this is a page that describes the blessings and customs for Shabbat: click here.

NUMBER 3:

Don’t depict Moon Knight using Christian symbology. Don’t depict MK System as a Catholic knight. Don’t depict MK System wearing a Christmas sweater, or opening presents from under a Christmas tree. This is antisemitic. It is Jewish erasure.

If you are going to depict MK System in a holiday-related context, honor their Jewishness.

This is an artistic example from last year of how to depict MK System festively, without erasing their Jewishness: click here.

NUMBER 4:

If you are friends with a Jewish person, you might have the idea to ask them to review your art. BUT. Big caveat here. We Jews have just been through a month of utter HELL. Judging at least from my inbox, each of us has likely received dozens of death threats and hateful messages from antisemites over the past few weeks, just because we are Jewish. We are EXHAUSTED. So if you are friends with a Jewish person, do not be offended if they tell you that no, they don’t have the spoons to help you. And really, it’s best to just do your own research, and not ask Jews to do any more emotional labor than we already are doing.

NUMBER 5:

MOST IMPORTANT. Again, Be respectful. If you are a gentile, Hanukkah is not a holiday that belongs to you. It belongs to Jewish people. It celebrates thousands of years of Jewish perseverance. It celebrates all the times Jewish people were driven to the brink, but managed to hold on by the skin of our teeth. It reminds us that we are still here. It tells us that we will survive.

Respect Jews. Respect our holidays. Respect our culture. Respect our traditions.

Thank you.

[writeradamanteve]

Anthony Lockwood Examination Post

So much of the deleted scenes have been such a delight, and many of them I’d wished they’d kept, this montage with Lockwood included, but when I first saw this scene, my heart did hurt.

I looked at this exact snapshot and saw the face of depression.

He’s lying in bed with his eyes open, and we know he doesn’t get enough sleep. He is willing himself to get up at that very moment, and when he does, it’s routine for the next hour it takes him to prepare:

He gets out of bed, puts on the same clothes, and when he’s staring at the mirror, he puts on his face—not makeup, but—: that disarming smile, that sparkling charm, and the bold confidence.

He steps out of his room and gives that unopened door one flight up—a pedestal, really—a half-expectant look:

Any minute now she’ll walk through that door.

Then

Oh, right. She won’t. She’s dead.

And he moves forward, as he always does.

He files that hurt away as he joins George and Lucy at the kitchen, thinking about the many ways to grow the business, outsmart Fittes, and get bigger clients/more prominent cases.

He makes plans, giving safety and caution a cursory thought. His agents are smart, they are good at what they do. George will tell him if there’s anything they need to know. Lucy’s razor sharp intuition, conviction, and more than adequate skill with a rapier bolsters his confidence on the field.

Then when they’re all there, fighting for their lives, that little voice he had ignored all this time will ring in his ears and the rare panic attack would consume him. When he staves off the panic attack, regret would inevitably settle in when the danger was passed.

Lucy is the one that either pulls him together or vehemently calls him out, and then he couldn’t bear it, having her angry at him.

There’s something about Lucy that propels him to do better. George does not have this immediate effect because George doesn’t storm off and he never turns his back on Lockwood. Lockwood knows George will bend a long while, and Lockwood knows just enough when to appease George to snap him back. Lucy is not as patient. Lucy does not hesitate, because Lucy knows that her hesitation once got her friends killed and that was not going to happen again.

The danger of dying does not scare Lockwood as much as it should, at least not in The Screaming Staircase/The Whispering Skull/Lockwood & Co. Season 1.

He was, until Lucy, too reckless. Lucy has managed to talk him down to “just reckless enough”. She also impressed upon him that he had a responsibility to stay alive because if anything happened to him, she and George would be devastated, and if there was anything that motivated Lockwood more than winning a case at all costs, it was to spare Lucy and George any suffering. He could not bear the thought of Lucy or George getting hurt, especially because of him.

Before Lucy, he was numb, his ability to truly love dormant, but she woke him up, and I’ll tell you exactly when Lucy first punched a hole through that barrier.

In the Netflix series, I think it was the possession scene, and there were about dozens of moments where we saw it happen over and over again, but IN THE BOOK, The Screaming Staircase, it was after the well was exploded in Combe Carey Hall.

I knelt by him, brushed the ash from his forehead.

His eyes opened. He looked at me with a clear, unclouded gaze.

I cleared my throat. “Hi Lockwood…”

Awareness returned. I saw bafflement first, then gradual recognition.

“Oh… Lucy.” He blinked, coughed, and tried to sit up. “Lucy. For a moment I thought you were… It doesn’t matter. How are you, Lucy? You’re okay?”

This scene, knowing what I know now, is exactly the moment Lockwood remembered what it was like to be loved again. He thought she was you-know-who, and then he realized she wasn’t, but oh, it wouldn’t be the last time Lucy would remind him what it was like to be loved and looked after.

Lucy knew it, too, in her bones, even if she didn’t identify it, and—poor George, he saw it. He even said he saw it.

I stood abruptly. “Yes, I’m fine.”

George was watching me through cracked spectacles. “I saw that.”

“What?” I said. “Saw what? Nothing happened.”

(Lucy, so guilty)

“Precisely. Where was his slap in the chops? Where was his firm shaking? There’re double standards at work here.”

Ah, George.

So Lockwood isn’t exactly suicidal. The danger is there, but he won’t perform the act for its own sake, he just, until the events of the Bone Glass, convinced himself that his priorities were: defeating Visitors and Lockwood & Co. besting everyone else.

It was an easier focus than the dread of losing the people he cared about, yet again.

Thankfully, Lucy and George are setting him on a different journey.

So in a way, George is wrong. Lucy does slap Lockwood awake, just in a different way.

[chaifootsteps]

anon who sent an ask awhile ago about how Stolas getting drunk is always used as an indication for how sad he is -

I didn't even think of that at first but honestly it makes it a whole lot worse Stolas just got out of the hospital after having his wife call a hit on him

Stolas definitely knows about this but he still leaves Octavia alone at night to attend a house party, during which he gets smashed so hard he can barely walk or string a sentence together

this is next level recklessness on his part. Striker could easily try to kill him again or kidnap Via for ransom but Stolas never shows consideration for either. If he'd gotten a call she needed help or was in danger, was he just going to drunkenly open a portal then fall flat on his face through it?

same applies to Ozzie's - he went home and got drunk immediately but what if Via had needed him? at least Blitz just crashed on the couch then only got drunk at the party where he knew Loona was

not to mention Loona is older and can defend herself. Via can't - because Stolas never taught her to. he was too busy lending out her inheritance for sex

besides the writers just forgetting Via exists until it's time for another Stolas Makes Up for Being a Bad Dad But Not Really Episode, there's something else I've been thinking lately:

Stolas is written like he's a teenager. He doesn't feel like an adult once s2 starts; he's alternating between obsessed with his crush or being spiteful towards his wife and the fact he has a teen to look after rarely seems to factor in to what he does or doesn't do. He responds to someone yelling that he's hurt them by shutting down, sulking, then being petty til he can have a crying meltdown about what he really wants, then he makes out with the first person to show some interest.

At no point during any of this does the thought of the risk posed by his ex-wife & Striker, his responsibilities to look after Octavia or the need to behave like a reasonable adult in his fallout with Blitz enter his head. He just follows all his impulses and vices with a hefty dollop of 'me me me' attitude sprinkled in there too

Stolas' whiny behavior makes a whole lot more sense when viewing him and not Octavia as the seventeen year old

I've always said that he looks and post-pilot, even sounds more like Octavia's older brother than her dad. He certainly behaves like it and Viv and the fandom constantly making excuses for it makes it even less cute than it already wasn't.

[kyouka-supremacy]

The very opening in BEAST and the implications of The Heartless Cur about Akutagawa constantly stuck in a dissociated state as a child in the slums does incomprehensible levels of damage to my brain. Living in a state where you're always starving, always fighting for scraps, being beaten by adults, waking up next to dead friends, having to maim or potentially kill at such an early age, escaping from traffickers so often, etc. are all so horrific that it's no wonder why he was called a child without emotions. Having to experience the grief, pain, and terror as it comes and goes in his situation would be a kind of hell that would be impossible to survive. Part of his brain probably shut itself off to avoid any more pain and distress. I have so many thoughts about it. There is something extremely heartbreaking about how despite living completely dissociated from his emotions, and possibly pain --to the point that he stared off into empty space while being beaten, or couldn't even express enjoyment at warm meals-- his priority had always been taking care of and protecting Gin and his friends. The one panels where he (gently, i have to mention) holds his friend that had frozen to death in their sleep, and him cutting a man's arm off for harming his friends imply that he either had the responsibility or took it upon himself to deal with the difficult and dangerous stuff. I am in the trenches losing the idgaf war

Akutagawa, upon feeling rage and hatred for the first time, thinks, "I've gained the ability to feel. Therefore, I'm no longer a heartless cur." Implies that he probably didn't see himself as anymore human than anybody other adult, which, considering that is all he had been called, he probably internalized. His friends were capable of smiling and experiencing joy with each other and also capable of experiencing sadness too. Did he ever look at his friends having fun and think something was wrong with him to be unable to feel anything or express it if he did? How did he feel looking at his sister--his other half, the most important person - while trying his best to take care of her and be the best for her while not being all there? How does it affect him now? So many questions and I'm going insane about it. Sorry for dumping this onto you but I needed a victim

Anon, have mercy on me

I think that Gin is such an important part of Ryuunosuke's character exactly for that. It is impossible to transcend from it– if you forget about her, you're just failing to comprehend Ryuunosuke. Gin is literally the only factor that keeps Ryuunosuke human. We see him lash out and we see him howl and we see him being beaten up and we see him act with not an ounce of reason; for most of the story, we see nothing of Ryuunosuke but a rabid animal. But I think the moment he shows to truly care about Gin, that's the moment the reader starts perceiving him as human, as well as the moment we start feeling sympathy for him. Unexpectedly and unpredictably, he shows a side of him that isn't violent and bestial, a side of him that is caring, that is loving towards a family member, something that is easy to relate to; then, even him can be human. Even in the slums, even when everything else of him seems numb and detached and heartless, he still cared for his family first. He still made flowers with his ability and retaliated against anyone who mistreated his siblings. When one of his friends got hurt, he carried them on his back. When a dog killed his friend, he mercilessly slaughtered all the dogs in the vicinity. What's that, if not the only way someone who never knew anything but violence and pain has left to express love?

Of course Ryuunosuke had internalized his being not human, of course he believes that. Of course he's the first who considers himself a dog. But that's what makes Ryuunosuke's character development so meaningful, isn't it? Isn't that true that it wouldn't result as impactful if such a strong ability to hate and such a strong ability to love didn't come from a place of true incapacity to feel? It is, alright, a simplistic perspective, but Ryuunosuke's story really is the succession of quests that have him gain emotions, and with every new one he becomes a little more human, till he's reached the fulfillment of his being. Maybe love really is the ultimate thing that makes us human.

[bumblingbabooshka]

hi it's me coming back with my bi-monthly little guy bullshit. rewatched meld with the besties for the yaoi of it all and was sitting there like there's something really funny (negative to neutral connotation) about (some) of the other maquis members being interviewed about suder in the ep & b'elanna being like "yeah he was just some guy ig we all did what we had to do lol" and chakotay being like "he was a fucking freak animal. unsettling little thing" . MEAN TO HIM?

I don't perceive Chakotay as being unfairly cruel in his talking about Suder? Chakotay isn't a violent person and though being in the Maquis required violence he didn't relish in it so he viewed Suder's (admitted) bloodlust to be disturbing. To Chakotay, fighting and killing was necessary but not something he wanted to do - very different from Suder who seems to not really care about the Maquis' mission (He only references the Maquis to call Tuvok a traitor and say he doesn't like Starfleet, giving me the impression that he joined just to be in an environment where violence could be used without it standing out rather than actually caring about the Maquis' mission). If anything Chakotay is demonstrating an interesting perceptiveness and willingness to extend olive branches to those he doesn't necessarily like/agree with in this moment. B'Elanna seems to have noticed (or been told of) Suder's penchant for violence, saying "He did what he had to do a little too well." but Chakotay has obviously had multiple personal moments with Suder where he encountered Suder's bloodlust firsthand. He states that these encounters (multiple) scared him and made him think of Suder as a potentially dangerous individual. Despite this, he still neglects to put this on Suder's record because he doesn't want to cause unnecessary hardship for Suder or any member of his crew which he already knows will likely be looked down on and distrusted by the Starfleet members of Voyager as "a bunch of criminals". It could be argued that his encounters with Suder constitute more than a "bad feeling" as it seems he saw evidence of the man being excessively violent and felt threatened himself but Chakotay still hesitates to label Suder as a bad or dangerous person in his crew evaluations. That's interesting! I don't feel that's something any other character on VOY would have done! It also feeds into something I wish was highlighted more about Chakotay which is his willingness to give people who he doesn't like or agree with second chances. He seems like he'd be the most able on the command team to sympathize with people who others dismiss as lost causes or 'bad' and I wonder if part of that comes from his father who never gave up on him even when Chakotay continually pushed him away. It reminds me of how he was willing to lay down his life for that Kazon kid even though he was rude and tried to kill him and Chakotay obviously didn't agree with his values - and that doesn't mean Chakotay is a pushover or naive, just willing to give people chances. Even his friendship with Janeway is something that's only possible because he's willing to listen to others and try to see things from their point of view. Janeway is able to do this to a Starfleet extent but you can bet that if she, say, ended up on a Maquis ship - she wouldn't be integrating herself into that crew's way of thinking. She'd be trying to get them onto her side because she's a person who thinks (sometimes implicitly) that she is Correct. She's much more 'aggressive' or black-and-white in her morality than Chakotay. Which again doesn't mean that Chakotay doesn't stand for anything or is wholly passive (he does and isn't, as we see in episodes like Maneuvers) but that he's just more open-minded and not as certain that he has all the answers. Anyway! I hope this was a good response. I'm sorry if you were making a joke and I responded too earnestly to it - that happens sometimes v_v

[vampire-bite]

“Who did this to you” with Sam and Bright Eyes?

hi so fun fact i was not here for the frederick videos, i never saw them. but i love found family so i read through some recaps and. did my best. idk man, this isnt great but its self indulgent!

i guess im a bright eyes apologist now? i tried to make this pretty neutral cause I havent seen the videos but. i guess im an apologist

i also guess the end of this is open? sam and bright are not completely good with each other by the end of this theyve just started to open up to the idea that theyre more similar than they thought

if you prefer reading on AO3, its over here

@badthingshappenbingo

By the time Bright decided to show back up, the sun had already started to rise, enough that—although Frederick had only agreed to rest if he continued to look—Sam could do little more than stand on his porch and watch the woods around him for any sight of the unruly newborn vampire.

They'd stormed off the previous night, and despite the undeniable tension between the two, Frederick had nearly driven himself mad looking for them all day. He still cared about them, and probably always would, no matter what they were like. Sam really couldn't bring himself to be surprised, but he also knew that it wasn't safe for Bright to be out on their own when they were still in the bloodlust.

It had been over twenty-four hours since they’d disappeared, and they were bound to need blood soon. From the less-than-close eye he’d kept on them, he knew they left more time than ideal between feedings, but he hadn’t said anything. 

He recognized the actions, remembered doing them himself, but this was different. The situation was their own fault, and they should have known better.

The light from the rising sun filtered through the trees, meaning they would’ve had no real way of getting back even if they wanted to. He was getting ready to call Vincent and ask if he’d seen anything, when a figure broke through the treeline and practically threw themselves onto the porch to get out of the sun. 

Bright was panting heavily, had burns running down their arms and legs, and, most concerningly, was drenched in blood.

Sam felt his stomach drop at the sight of them, soaked in blood, and he wondered how much of a mess they’d left in their wake. He stared at them, feeling anger bubble up inside of him, and reached forward to grab their arm. “Where have you been? What the hell did you do?”

They just glared at him, yanking their arm away and scowling; it just made his annoyance rise. He wasn’t the one who had run off to god–only-knew where, likely leaving a trail of destruction.

“I didn’t do anything.”

“You ran off. Do you know how worried Frederick was?”

Their expression darkened in response, and they snarled, something dangerous crossing their features. “Fuck that,” They cursed, trying to brush past him in a swift movement only for him to grab onto their arm hard enough that they yelped when his hand closed around a burn. 

He couldn’t even bring himself to feel bad, caught up in the anger he felt. “You’ve already been told that you can’t just run off on your own, and this is exactly why.”

“What does it matter? I came back. I’m still alive.” They tried to wrench their arm free from his grasp, and just glared at him when they failed, “I’m not listening to another lecture.”

His voice was darker when he spoke next, angry and harsh, “What. Did. You. Do?”

For a moment, he thought they weren’t going to respond at all, from the way they bared their teeth—fangs out—and how he could practically see their walls going further up. There was a long moment of silence.

Then, before he could say anything else, their bitter voice muttered, “Why don’t you just kill me already, since that’s clearly what you want?”

The words made his blood go cold. They were just trying to provoke a reaction, he knew it, but the words were still disturbing; as much as he didn’t want to dignify it with a response, he couldn’t help himself.

“You think that?”

They paused, eyeing him cautiously for a moment before they nodded and gave him a look like it was obvious. 

“I know it. I can see it in the way you act,” They said, no doubt or even anger left in their tone, just resignation, and it gave him pause, “You want to hit me.”

He reeled back, letting go of their arm and staring at them in horror. Of course he didn’t want that. It was hard to tell whether they were being serious or just trying to provoke him further, but their tone made him lean towards the latter. The words were chilling.

Their eyes were fixed on the ground, so he reached forward to put a hand on their shoulder to try to get their attention.

Once they saw his hand coming towards them, they flinched away, making him freeze.

Suddenly—with all the anger and resentment stripped away from them, without Frederick’s pain and his own self-hatred weighing down on him—it seemed like he was seeing, really seeing, them for the first time. And the person standing in front of him wasn’t the bitter, wrathful newborn who had bitten off more than they could chew. No, in front of him, their body trembling slightly, was a frightened kid.

“Shit,” He muttered, watching them shrink further away from him, “Kid—”

“I’m not a kid! Stop treating me like one!” They snapped, the venom in their voice falling short of hiding the hurt and fear behind it. Sam wondered whether that pain had always been there; if he’d just missed it because they’d done better at concealing it.

He remembered how he’d acted as a newborn, the anger that filled every moment, the pain and hate he’d felt. And suddenly, their actions seemed like more than just a bad attitude. 

“I’m not going to hurt you.” Their eyes barely flickered up to him, a scowl forming at the words. “You know that, right?” He spoke slowly, forcing himself to seem much calmer than he felt despite the guilt starting to build.

He stepped towards them, and they responded by continuing to back away, only stopping when they had almost gotten into the sun. They glanced back, clearly calculating, and then took another step back—apparently unconcerned about getting burned again as they got ready to bolt.

Rushing forward, Sam grabbed their arm and pulled them back against his chest, arms wrapped tightly around them to keep them from running.

They fought against his hold, screaming at and fighting against him, but he didn’t budge.

Finally, when they found themselves completely unable to get free, their body went limp, legs giving way beneath them. And then they were crying, sobbing loudly and openly, and all he could do was hold them up as they broke apart.

All the fight had left them; they buried their face into his shoulder as they shook more intensely than before, clinging to him in a way that left him clueless of what to do. Something inside of him twisted violently at the sight of them so torn apart.

“I’m sorry…” They sobbed, tears soaking into the sleeve of his jacket, “It’s all my fault. You’re right to hate me.”

His heart twisted further at the words. The look they gave him, hopeless with guilt, made him feel sick. So he just held them tighter, resting his chin on top of their head and holding them to try to give them any sense of security he could.

Bright continued to shake in his arms, though their sobbing died down into whimpers that sounded like they were in pain; and Sam realized with even more clarity that they were just a kid. A kid who was scared, and angry, and resentful of having their life taken from them. A kid who was hurting just as deeply as he had been. As he still was. 

A kid who he had been failing since they were turned.

And, most pressingly now, a kid who was hyperventilating, breath coming out in short, rough bursts of air.

"It’s okay, kid. I’ve gotcha. Just—” Both blood and tears were soaking his clothes, he felt horribly out of his depth. His voice dropped to a quiet murmur as he tried to be soothing, “You've gotta breathe for me.”

For all of their fronting, when they were like this, he could see how utterly drained they were. He knew they hadn’t been feeding as often as they needed to be, and he was willing to bet they hadn’t been sleeping. They might’ve not needed to, technically speaking, but they were so clearly exhausted that he knew it’d do them good. 

They shook their head, wheezing as they grabbed at the back of Sam’s jacket desperately. He gently rubbed their back to try to get them calm, feeling obligated to at least do that much. “With me. In….And out…”

Their breathing began to even out slowly, still coming out in shaky hiccups but being more steady than the gasping they’d been doing before.

“Why are you being so nice to me?” They just sounded defeated, frame still trembling. “I don’t deserve it. And I don’t want you to pity me.”

He’d be the first to admit that he hadn’t kept as close of an eye on them.

It was just easier, letting them handle themselves with the bitterness they showed everyone. Besides, with the way they isolated themselves, the pain and hurt they caused Frederick couldn’t slip through their bond. But he was beginning to realize that it was likely a mistake.

He shook his head and frowned. “I ain’t pitying you. I don’t hate you, either.”

Really, when it came down to it, he didn’t. Attitude or not, he couldn’t bring himself to truly hate them.  And they were his responsibility.

“And you don’t need to deserve anything. I’m not doing anything except keeping you from having a damn panic attack.”

They didn’t seem convinced. 

Trembling fingers pulled up the bottom of their shirt, revealing several wounds on their torso and stomach, including one that looked like they’d been stabbed and another that looked like the imprint of teeth.

“The blood is mine,” They whispered, voice filled with shame and so quiet he could barely hear it even with his enhanced hearing, “Mostly, at least.”

Oh. Oh.

Suddenly, his earlier harshness seemed cruel. He’d assumed the worst of them. It wasn’t an unreasonable assumption, exactly, but he didn’t know if he’d have jumped so immediately if it had been anyone else.

They looked up at him, expression unreadable, and shrugged. "Someone attacked me."

Nonchalant. Stoic. It was like this was a regular occurrence, like they’d grown used to it.

“Who? Who did this to you?”

They frowned, looking hesitant to answer him.

“Who did this to you?” He pressed, trying to be at least slightly gentle with his pushing at them so that they wouldn’t bolt or panic again despite the force in his voice.

A protective feeling was flaring up in him, something he didn't expect to feel towards the sour teenager. And yet, he couldn't deny the urge to hold them close, make them feel safe; and he knew he had a responsibility towards them in this situation, no matter how either of them felt about it.

Even as he tried to be gentle, they still seemed panicked, shaking against him. He sighed softly, shaking his head and gently placing a hand on the stab wound on their stomach to start healing it. 

“I don’t know how much I’ll be able to do. But I can at least get the bleeding to stop,” He said, voice staying as soft as he could manage, “Talk to me, kid. If someone hurt you…”

They pushed at his chest, scowling once more, “What? You’ll pat them on the back?”

He rolled his eyes in response to their reply, but paused after a moment, a bit of guilt returning as he realized they were being completely genuine. It was almost hurtful that they thought so low of him. But he supposed he hadn’t given them much of a reason to think otherwise.

Keeping his hands firmly against them, one still healing them while the other rubbed soothing circles against their back, he watched them glance down at his hand and go to speak, only to just bite their lip and drop their gaze to the ground.

“Bright….” 

Their breath stuttered out, uneven as they seemed to melt into the gentle touch. Yet, despite how it was clearly easing them, they pulled away and sat on the edge of the porch. Their legs hung down, dangerously close to the sunlight, for only a moment before they pulled up their legs to their chest. 

A long silence fell between the two before they finally spoke.

“Don’t,” They started, a small whimper leaving them as they pressed their forehead to their knees, “Don’t do that.”

He reached his free hand out, hesitating before placing it against their jaw; he began rubbing his thumb along their jawline as they took another deep, shuddering breath.  They rubbed at their eyes as tears began to form again, and he swallowed thickly. 

Pulling the hand he was using to heal away from them, he looked over the—admittedly messily—healed wounds. The stab wound, at least, was completely healed, as well as the bite mark. Many slashes were scabbed over, but several smaller cuts were still open even if not actively bleeding. 

Brushing their hair out of their face felt like far too gentle of an action, considering their tumultuous relationship, but he did it anyway. “Do what?”

They sniffled, angrily wiping at their eyes once again before pulling their legs closer to themselves, arms wrapped around them tightly as they hugged their legs against their chest. “Pretend to care. I can’t stand it.”

That stung more than he wanted to admit, more than he understood, but he just nodded.

“Not pretending, kid.” The denial came easier than he’d expected, and quicker than Bright had expected if the look on their face was anything to go by. 

Still, they just scoffed, curling in on themselves more as they stared at the sun shining on the ground. They reached out one of their hands, tracing a finger along the edge of the light and staring at it longingly. Sam just watched, frowning, as moving forward and getting the slightest bit of sun on their skin made them wince and recoil before trying again.

Moving closer, he gently placed one of his hands over theirs, holding them down and out of the light. He squeezed them lightly, both to help keep them out of the shade, and to try and offer some form of comfort.

“Can you at least tell me why they did it?” They stubbornly shook their head and he sighed. “C’mon, kid. You’ve gotta give me something to work with here. I want to help you.”

The last part seemed to break them, but the response he got just left him more confused. “Everyone here thinks I’m just a screw up.” Muttered beneath their breath and dripping with unconcealed resentment. Yet, they didn’t look at him, eyes still firmly fixed on the light that they couldn’t truly feel on their skin ever again.

He knew the look in their eyes. He’d felt that same longing for over a decade now.

“There’s something wrong with me,” They whispered, voice breaking slightly, “And I don’t know what it is. But I know everyone can see it. And I know I can’t fix it.”

For all that they had tried to seem strong and rageful, there was an undeniable pain in them that he hadn’t seen before. Now that he had, he couldn’t believe that he’d ever missed it.

Then again, maybe he just hadn’t wanted to see it. It was too similar to the same pain that he had become intimately familiar with; that he felt every day since he was turned.

“I don’t want this. I never would have chosen this.”

He had been feeling thick, stinging guilt the whole time, and it had clouded his mind. It still did. But the sinking feeling that their two situations weren’t so different was starting to weigh down on him as strongly as an anchor. Now he was just feeling sick.  All he could manage was shaking his head and sighing. 

“Let’s get you inside,” Grabbing their hand and helping them to their feet, he tried extremely hard not to think about the realizations he was having, “And out of those clothes.”

As he shrugged off his jacket, they watched him with something like suspicion, which only worsened when he put it onto them. It practically swallowed them, and they just scowled and pulled it around themselves.  

He led them inside, his arm around their shoulder as they wordlessly followed and let themselves be set down on the couch. They looked lost, and smaller than he’d ever seen them; the sight made him pause.

“Kid?”

They looked up at him questioningly, head tilting slightly to the side. 

“I don’t hate you. And whatever might’ve happened…. You didn’t deserve this. For whatever that’s worth.”

Their gaze softened, the change slight but distinctly noticeable due to their usual scowl and glare. He turned around before they could see his small smile, leaving to go get them clean clothes.

Luckily, Frederick was still asleep when he slipped into the room, and even with his conflicted emotions, Sam couldn’t stop himself from gently ruffling his hair with a fond look.

“Shit, kid. What have I gotten myself into?” He muttered, staying quiet to not wake him up.

That thought was only intensified when, by the time he had gone back to the living room, he found that Bright was also asleep. Curled up into a ball on the couch and holding tightly onto his jacket that was still around their body.

[hexedwinchester]

Hi! Can I request a Sam Winchester x reader with an established relationship where reader helps him deal with a hangover? (Could be in that one episode where they deal with the haunted hotel, with the little girl who's friends with her grandma's sister's ghost who ends up trying to kill her)

hello ghostlyaccurate!

Of course you can. Pasting it down here for a quick read but this is also published on AO3 if you find it easier to read it there.

AO3 link below and please do let me know if you enjoyed it. I certainly enjoyed writing it. Thank you for the request! :)

The voices are soft and muffled at first, giving you a false sense of security that you are lucid dreaming. But the next minute, the argument rise loud, snapping you out of the sleepy haze. 1:49, the clock by your bed reads the time in angry red digits. The voices grow close and loud enough for you to make out some words through the door of your motel room. Instinctively, you reach for the loaded Glock G19, stashed under your pillow for situations like this.

Bolting upright, you quietly pad to your door, placing your ear against it. On the other side, you can hear Tim, the newly appointed manager of Driftwood Motel giving out cop threats to somebody, "Sir, I'm calling the cops!"

"Whatever, man!" The huskier voice replies. You know that voice like your mother's lullaby, so you lower the gun and open the door to see Sam standing there with his hand frozen in the middle of a knock.

"Y/N, go back to sleep, I can handle this jerk. The cops are on their way." Tim beams behind Sam's broad shoulders as he stumbles in the room.

You stop Tim at the threshold. "There's no need for that, I'll handle him."

A look of confusion washes across his face followed by hurt. You guess he thinks you are going to fire him so you force a small smile for his benefit and quietly mouth the word 'boyfriend'. Tim smiles, assures you that he will take care of the cops and wishes you goodnight. Although, he doesn't leave before casting a nervous glance at Sam behind you.

You lock the door. Resting your head on the surface you take two deep breaths to calm your racing heartbeat, the smell of paint hitting you strong. Turning around, you find Sam Winchester sitting on your bed looking rather sullen and regretting his life choices.

Flipping the light switch on, you leave the Glock on the dresser next to the door and walk to the bed. Sam is drunk, you can tell even without the need to smell the alcohol on his breath. The signs are easily visible in the disheveled hair, the glassy look in his eyes and the small giggles bursting out of him.

"You're drunk." You state as a matter of fact.

He nods his head comically. "And your manager called the cops."

Completely unrelated and irrelevant and but that's what drunk people do, find weird places to connect dots.

Your lips mimick Sam's, wanting to get in on his inside joke that has him laughing like a child but you hold back. Though he has been a happy drunk based on the last two occasions that you have seen drunk, the fact that he is swimming in alcohol rings alarm bells in your head. While his older brother Dean, is known for drinking like a fish on the job, Sam is always the sober one.

Speaking of, "Where's Dean?" You ask. It's impossible to sleep through Dean's growling Impala. Clearly, Sam had come alone.

Sam shrugs but does not offer any other response. He twirls the black cord on his wrists and chews on his lips. He is nervous. Having dated him for six months now, you are aware of his little tells.

"How did you get here?"

That question bubbles another laughter from him. "Hitchhiked", he sniggers.

"Sam, you know it's dangerous right? What with yellow eyes out there hunting down the special children like you."

Six months ago, Sam and Dean rented a room for two nights at this very motel. Both Sam and you grew up with a hunter for a parent and while you got out and opened Driftwood Motel, it was disheartening to learn that Sam was sucked back into the horrible hunting business. That was also the time you learnt about your own feelings for this tall but shy, handsome guy that shared the same rebellious cause as you.

"Let him come, I'm ready." Sam boasts.

You take a seat next to him. Cupping his face in your palms, you urge him to look at you. "No, you are not, baby. Not in this condition."

The giggles vanish and a hurtful expression crosses his face. So much for being a happy drunk. His happiness barely ever lasted throughout the entire state his drunkenness and then he delved right into the dark recesses of his mind.

Tears well up in those hazel green eyes and it breaks your heart to see him hurt like that. "Sam, what happened?"

Sam didn't drink without a reason. Something had to have happened. A hunt gone wrong, a failed expedition, a sign of bad news or worst case Dean was hurt. "Is Dean alright? Are you alright?"

In both cases he nods his head. Relief courses through your veins. "Then what is it, baby?" You ask him softly, brushing away the tears running down his cheeks.

"People", he pauses to let the hiccup pass, "people always die around me." You wait for him to continue, carding your fingers through his soft hair. "Three people died today and a little girl almost drowned."

Oh Sam! He always saw deaths during a hunt as a failure on his part. This is exactly where it was going. "Sam, you can't save everyone, you know that. But at least you saved the girl."

"Barely", he scoffs. "Another minute and she would have died too. On my watch, just like Jessica and Ava. What if something happens to you? I cannot live knowing I put your life at risk."

Tears gush down his face. You lean over and pull him in a hug. He lets you. Both of you sit there in each other's embrace for a length of time.

Probably the only good thing to come out his drunken state is that he lets down his guard around you completely. You rub his back, rocking him lightly, humming an old song you often heard on the radio.

"I love you, Y/N", he mumbles in the crook of your neck stilling you in place. This is the first time Sam has said those words to you. Last few months you wondered what this would feel like, if at all it happened.

Hunting life meant no relations because it always ended up with someone getting hurt. Sam, who was surrounded by death most of his life was already scarred enough by the death of his first love: Jessica.

You were prepared that this day might never come. Sam would never utter those words again in his life. But he here was, a bit drunk but in your arms, confessing his love to you.

Did it count, if it was said in the state of drunkenness? You didn't know, but you it didn't matter. The love of your life was here with you at his most vulnerable state.

"I love you too, Sam." You whisper back, kissing the top of his head.

He swallows against your throat and delicate long fingers trail from the side of your face down to your neck. The touch sparks heat under your skin but… No. Not like this. You tell yourself. If this is drunken mistake, you don't want Sam to wake up with one of the worst regret of his life.

You close your fingers around his. Bringing them to you lips, you kiss the tips gently and then push Sam away.

He looks at you with delirious eyes."Y/N, you don't want to?" The green orbs travel down to your lips.

You laugh nervously, "Believe me, I want to. But not like this."

He pouts at you adorably but nods in agreement as a yawn breaks out of him. You twist and catch the time on the clock: 3.07. Sam being an early riser would need all the sleep he could get.

Before you can suggest he hit the sack, he shakes his head, massaging his temple. Squinting his eyes, he turns his head away from you.

"Sam?" You ask, ignoring the panic in your voice.

"Ugh!" He moans softly, digging the heel of his palm into his head. You rush to other side and pry his hand away. His face is scrunched up looks a little green to you. Oh no!

Before you can suggest, Sam bolts to where he knows the bathroom is. You are on his heels. He doesn't bother turning on the lights as he bends over the toilet bowl and vomits.

He sinks to the floor, his right arm draped around the edge of the ceramic bowl as his body empties out his stomach. You drop down next to him, pulling the strands of out his hair as he belches. Up close, the sour smell of the foul liquid makes your stomach churn too but you sit beside him, rubbing his back as the nausea rides his body into exhaustion. He vomits until there is nothing more left to throw up.

"Go away, you don't have to see this." He says between the dry heaving.

But you are not leaving him to vomit his guts out alone. "It's okay, Sam. It's okay."

He rests his head on his arm taking a couple of breaths. Then, you help him sit on the edge of the bath tub. White knuckled, he grabs onto the edge as he waits for the nausea to subside. Confident that he wouldn't collapse or anything, you take that time to flush the toilet, the air already cleaner than before.

Grabbing a glass off the sink that you use to store toothbrush, you rinse it clean and fill it up with water. "Here, wash your mouth."

Sam carefully takes the glass from your hand. Sipping the water, he sloshes it inside his mouth and spits into the toilet bowl. He repeats it a couple of times until the acrid taste of vomit is completely removed from his tongue.

"Thank you, Y/N" He say avoiding your eyes.

"Hey", you cradle his face. Kissing the pointy tip of his nose you say, "don't mention it."

You let a couple of minutes pass before you offer to walk Sam back to bed. He sways a little on his feet but you are right next to him in case the nausea hits again.

He feels heavy as he leans against you but you manage to walk him to bed. He slumps down harder than you intended but since you both come out unscathed, you consider that a win.

"C'mon now, let's get you to bed." You unzip his hoodie and shrug it off his shoulders, the sleeve snagging a bit around his cast. Next, you unbutton his shirt and catch a hint of rosy blush on his otherwise pale cheeks. You feel heat rise up to your face but keep your focus on the task, one button after another.

The shirt comes off a lot more easily than the hoodie had and you are thankful for that. The last thing you want to do is jar his arm wrapped in a cast. Sam reaches for the hem of his black t-shirt but you gently grab his wrists. "Better to leave this on. It gets cold." You explain. Well, cold for him but certainly hot for you.

Sam doesn't fight you. He is sweet like that and respectfully takes a no for an answer. You push him down on the bed gently, setting the pillow under his head. The laces on his brown boots come undone quickly and in one single tug the boots are out.

Grabbing his belongings, you place his clothes on the dresser and his shoes next to the door. Out of habit, you check the lock on the doors before turning off the lights.

On your way to the bed you grab you phone and speed dial Dean.

"Dean?" You blurt after he answers your call on the second ring.

"Y/N, tell me Sam is with you." He begs. You know Dean would be worried. You are glad you called him sooner than later. No point prolonging the man's suffering.

"Yes. Showed up drunk a couple of hours ago."

"I'm on my way." He says and you can hear the jingle of the keys in the background. "I am an hour's drive away from Driftwood."

"Dean, I know you are worried but Sam is fine. He just fell asleep." You look over at Sam's still form. "Why don't you come tomorrow morning? Preferably late morning? Breakfast is on me."

Dean sighs but doesn't argue. "Yeah, alright. As soon long as Sasquatch is okay." The line goes dead as he hangs up.

By the time you are back to the bed, you can hear Sam snoring softly. You tug the comforter over his miles long body and snuggle next to him, enjoying the warmth and the scent of pine and mint soap that is so deliciously Sam.

A cry wakes you up later in the morning. Sam is moaning next to you, seemingly trapped in a nightmare. A sheen of sweat covers his face. "Sam, baby, wake up!" You try to jostle him out of the deep sleep.

His eyes snap open, tears overflowing. He pulls you close and crushes his lips against yours. For a man that just rose from a deep sleep, his breath is surprisingly not stale. And that makes you wonder if yours is. As urgent and tempting the kiss is, you pull away a bit conscious about the morning breath and a lot more concerned about Sam's panicked awakening.

"What happened?" You ask, licking your lips, secretly savoring Sam's taste.

He looks away and shakes his head as if hoping to wring off the nightmare. "Just a nightmare, only a nightmare." He doesn't go back to sleep though, instead sits next to you with his head in his hands.

Worry gnaws you, so you grab the glass of water from the night stand and offer it to Sam. "Let me get you an Advil."

He takes the glass and lets you run to the bathroom. You find the Advil in the medicine cabinet and place one on Sam's large palm. He swallows the tablet with a glass of water.

"Baby, you are scaring me." You confess, your hand kneading his taut shoulder.

He pats your hand and flashes a smile that doesn't bring out the dimples that dent his cheeks. Turning away from you, he curls on the bed. You drape the comforter over him, crawling under it. As much as you want to spoon him, you think it's better to give him a little space.

Hours later, when you wake up, the space next to you is empty. You find Sam putting on his shoes by the door, the rumble of Impala though faint, clearly audible.

"Were you leaving without saying goodbye?" The words spill before you can stop.

Sam freezes, a hurtful expression marring his handsome face. "Y/N, no. I didn't want to disturb you. You have done enough last night." But even as says this, he seems stoic or worse, numb.

"Bullshit!"

Sam crosses the distance between the door and you. Kissing your forehead, he mumbles a 'thank you' and a hasty 'take care of yourself'. And before you know it, he is out of the door.

It's quiet inside the Impala. Dean doesn't question Sam about last night. But Sam's mind is in chaos as he mulls over the nightmare: the one he didn't tell you about, the one where he saw you pinned to the ceiling of the motel as flames engulf you.

[letmereadinpeace4]

My Dear Gangster Oppa Commentary Ep 4

Here is the review for episode 4. Last time, Wahl was a jerk, the guild members were amazing, Tew and Guy got closer, Tew bought a restaurant to maintain his lie and Guy found out the truth about Tew and confronted him about it.

Guy is terrified at Tew’s aggressive approach, which must be heartbreaking for Tew, since one of the thing he loved about Guy was the fact that he was not afraid of him. Both reactions are understandable, but it is heartbreaking to see after seeing them get along so well.

There is something really poetic about Guy asking Tew who he was, and Tew showing him his scars in response. I am a firm believer that knowing someone involves knowing about what has hurt them. After the last episode where Guy has opened about his feelings for Wahl and how it has hurt him, it is now Tew’s turn to open about his involvement in the mafia.

I really appreciate how Meen makes his voice much harsher now that he is explaining things to Guy. It is a tone that we have never heard him use with Guy and it reveals how much this moment is a point of crisis. Yes Tew is opening up about his life, but the truth is such that its revelation must be a turning point in the relationship no matter what Guy’s reaction is.

I do not understand the “I did not tell you because I wanted to protect you” thing. In some contexts it can make sense, but in this one whether Guy knows the truth or not is irrelevant, since whether he is attacked or not is not dependent on his actions but on those of Tew’s enemies. In reality, in this context, Guy knowing the truth would actually make him safer, as it would make him more careful. I am choosing to make this a character issue and not a writing issue, because it is more interesting that way. Tew making it all about how he wanted to keep Guy safe actually masks the reality that he did not tell Guy because he liked having a relationship with someone who treated him normally and not like a mafia boss. Tew probably knows that but admitting it at a point when Guy is emotionally closed off from him would make him vulnerable in a situation where he does not feel safe.

We have a new reason for playing video games that is introduced: escapism, which is pretty valid. I wonder if the different reasons for playing video games will remain a running theme in the drama or if it will stop once we get to the “darker” part.

Tew’s relationship with his dad is pretty cute. I like how close they are. It makes it all the more heartbreaking when his dad dies.

The bullies are so ridiculous to me. We don’t know where they come from or even what age they are. They are dressed like engineering students with the red jackets but some look way older than their twenties. That having been said they are assholes so I certainly hope Tew messes them up in the future.

Tew is immediately on the path to vengeance on stereotypical bullies™ for preventing him from being with his dad in his last moments, which is fair and also the backstory of one of my favorite magical girl’s character. Tew is also probably externalizing some pain from his dad’s death, in a “I don’t want to cry I want to break something” kind of way.

In terms of fight choreography this is not the worst fight I have seen in a BL. You can actually believe that the characters are getting punched.

This escalated super quickly with the gun and Tew actually killing someone. Also I am not sure that you can actually go on this long with a bullet in your chest. Let’s put this on adrenaline.

I am confused on how Tew ended on mafia guy’s doorstep and why. Actually I am also confused on how it is night and no one has heard the gun shots and called the police and/or an ambulance. Or even how no one saw four guy beaten to death on the pavement. I know people like to mind their own business but still.

This definitely reframes Tew’s decision to spend as much time as possible with Guy. Also Guy going from “OMG dangerous mafia guy what is he going to do with me?” to “Oh you poor thing you suffered so much” as soon as he hears Tew’s tragic backstory is on brand for both him and the fandom.

So Koon Paiboon is the mafia boss and works in real estate. Considering the prices in real estate I can absolutely believe it.

I am confused on why Koon Paiboon would ever bother with Tew. Like yes he is a good fighter but still….I guess we can put it on “Better recruit them than kill them”, although it has not been made clear whether stereotypical bullies™ belong to the mafia.

Koon Paiboon gives Tew a purpose in life and a way to get his vengeance. I can understand why Tew would jump on the occasion and allow himself to fall in this world. Still, the list of stuff he has done and his career makes me confused as to how old Tew is supposed to be. He does not look that much older than Guy, but he was in university when his dad died. Either he climbed the ranks extremely fast or he looks much younger than he actually is.

I do like that Tew gives Guy the choice as to whether their relationship will continue or not. It is really sweet of him.

Guy focusing on the shabu restaurant makes me laugh so hard. Like yes your brain focuses on the most random of stuff in times of crisis and he probably does not grasp the reality of “My love interest killed people” yet, but it is such a bizarre thing to actually get angry about. Although I guess that the shabu restaurant was the only actual lie Tew said, the rest were mostly omissions. My problem is just that the way the scene was structured, it looks like it is the reason Guy left, when in reality Guy leaving because the dangers and responsibilities of dating a high rank mafia mobster is not what he signed was a perfectly fine reason on its own.

So Guy chooses to leave Tew. Heartbreaking for both of them honestly. Tew calling for Guy was just pure sad. Their relationship was really important for both of them so losing it is extremely painful. Both of them are very depressed about it. Furthermore this is probably the closest they have gone to anyone in their lives so this makes the break up doubly painful.

Tew’s lie about the restaurant is firing back on him in so many ways. He is way better at managing the mafia side of things than the romantic side of things though, which is pretty on brand for him.

Wait I just noticed Boss was here. If he is not a spy this is probably not how he expected to handle on his job.

Koon Paiboon demands that Tew executes Kenji for lying to him. I do not get his logic though. If anything, a subordinate bringing up that another subordinate might be betraying you is a good thing. Kenji was, as hilarious and wrong as he was, actually thinking that Tew was betraying Koon Paiboon. Therefore, Koon Paiboon is actually punishing his subordinate for being loyal, which is not a good thing because other subordinates will see that and decide that they will not make the same mistake, so other potential betrayals might not be brought up because people are afraid of being punished if they are wrong.

Wow Guy this is such a shitty thing to do to your guild. I get that you are depressed and hurt but this not does actually solve anything.

Guy hoping that Tew was at the door when it was actually Wahl is heartbreaking. Guy is, as usual, caught up in Wahl’s pace and cannot refuse him.

And after an intermission where we see Kenji having sex in a bathtub with two guys (...why?) we go back to Wahl and Guy having another episode of their toxic relationship. Wahl is digging the knife in the wound, not even asking how it actually went or how Guy feels. Just immediately goes on to sugarcoat the whole thing and make declarations of friendship. Guy getting caught up in this sudden love bombing is just really sad.

It speaks to a very dark part of my mind that I find Tew really sexy when he is in dangerous mode.

The back and forth and constant tone shifting between Guy and Wahl’s toxic relationship and Tew having a mafia issue with Kenji makes my head hurt.

For the love of everything that is good in the world! Tew, sparing him is bad idea! He hates you! He will not be grateful to you!

Guy and Wahl have a fall cute, which is significantly less cute than when it happens with Guy and Tew. This really plays with Guy’s feelings though. The problem is that moments and actions that would be perfectly fine in a normal friendship are made painful because Guy’s unrequited feelings for Wahl transform them into constant attacks on his heart.

Wahl and Guy have an almost kiss, that Wahl immediately backs from with no explanation. On the one hand, it could be that he has feelings for Guy and is having trouble handling them, which is understandable but still a douchy thing to do to him. On the other hand, Wahl expressing attraction to Guy just after his break up with “competition” and once he has Guy to himself is suspicious. So far, Wahl’s “crimes” have mostly been limited to him being thoughtless, selfish and possessive, which is not great but still in the range of “idiotic young adult who has a lot of room to grow”. If we add being manipulative and exploiting Guy’s feelings for him it makes Wahl a much darker character.

Guy has been talking about getting over Wahl since the first episode, but understandably he is not making a lot of progress. The issue is that Guy will only be able to get over his feelings for Wahl in two ways: finding another love interest or distancing himself from him. As sad as it is Guy cannot keep his friendship with Wahl the same as it is and get over his feelings.

And Guy decided to run away...So far in this episode, Guy has ran away from any confrontation or difficult decisions. It is understandable but still...It shows that he has a lot of growing up to do.

And Tew and Wahl meet each other as Guy has went missing. The confrontation goes wrong as Wahl goes into overprotective mode as usual. One of the massive differences between them is that Wahl constantly makes choices for Guy, while Tew lets Guy makes his own choices. This really undermines Wahl’s point of “you are dangerous stay away from my friend”. Wahl may have punched Tew, but Tew quickly takes control of the situation in an awesome way. Wahl may bark loud but he cannot take it if someone actually stands up to him. I do love that rather than getting caught up in Wahl’s nonsense, Tew puts the priority on Guy and where he is. He is acting like a much caring friend than Wahl does.

Guy apparently decided that he was going to pursue his dramatic brooding in his hometown. His mother seems like a really caring mom and she has a very knowing look. I bet she knows more than Guy thinks she does. I love the family meal scene. It is cute and such a moment of relief for Guy, who has been on edge since the beginning of the episode.

Wait, so Wahl called Guy once and then….gave up? Yeah I can feel the deep friendship and concern between them /s. Also Guy is not doing a good job at getting over his feelings for Wahl by constantly waiting for Wahl to pay any attention to him. Predictably, only Tew actually bothered to call Guy several times.

The confrontation between Guy and Tew and Tew’s confession to Guy is really, really good. It is easily the best scene of the episode and perfectly in character for both of them. I absolutely love it!

Final Thoughts:

As is probably very clear from this review, I think this episode is the weakest so far. It is not bad and I enjoyed it, but the best scenes of the episode are the ones involving Guy, Tew, and to some extent Wahl. The mafia parts just leave me very confused. In theory, I have no issue with mixing slice of life with mafia drama, my problem is about the execution. The characters involved in the mafia parts are, beside Tew and Tul, not well established and their goals and personalities are limited to what is strictly necessary. Why did Koon Paiboon mentor Tew and how did he actually came to be “interested” in him? What is Kenji’s deal/backstory and why does he hate Tew so much? In the same way, what is Tew’s relationship with Kenji and why does he leave him alive? At this point where Tew’s involvement with the mafia is in crisis, we should have at least some answers to these questions, but because the characters seem to be strictly limited to their function, we are mostly left with characters who act certain ways because the plot demands they do rather than because it feels like a natural progression of their characters. I hope that things get better in future episodes but so far I have been disappointed by this part.

In contrast, I absolutely love the way the drama depicts the toxic relationship between Wahl and Guy. It would have been easy to write a succession of scenes where Wahl acts like a douche and leave it there, but the writers also show us scenes where they get along, where they make plans together, where they tease each other. This makes their friendship much more real and explains why Guy is having so much trouble letting go of Wahl. It is easy to say that Guy should slam the door in Wahl’s face and tell him to go fuck himself, but Guy is caught between moments where Wahl acts like a decent, if pushy, friend, and moments where Wahl acts like a possessive jerk. Of course he is having trouble establishing boundaries. He just doesn’t know how to feel about Wahl’s actions.

Tew and Guy’s relationship remains the highlight of this drama. Even during painful scenes, they are a delight to watch.

I am looking forward to episode 5 and I hope I will manage to write down my reaction sooner than I did this week.