#the only thing i hurt was my pride | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

dawnthefluffyduck · 7 months ago

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Drafted on 3/17, Sunday Ducks (&various others)

#queued #yeah so uh #i fell down a flight of stairs at work #no concussion #the only thing i hurt was my pride #it'll have been a long time ago when y'all actually see this lol #god that was embarrassing though lmao #i bruised my hip something awful bc the stairs and railing were metal and there was a concrete landing #but somehow that didn't matter as much as the two people behind me seeing me tumble like a ragdoll #i wanted to actually evaporate on the spot ajfhsjfj #ducks #sunday ducks #doodles

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giantkillerjack · 1 year ago

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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

Plain-text version:

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

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corpsentry · 5 months ago

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pick your battles

#my art #my stuff #art #comic #original art #pride 2024 #pride month #trans allegory..... or not even allegory. just trans .... ^_^#i technically cannot come out yet but i don't think the people who i need to not see this stalk my tumblr #i know they stalk everything else like my twitter and my instagram but this might be safe #so fuck it we yap. this is a comic about picking your battles #this is a comic about how for almost a year now everyone at home in singapore has been crying about my sore throat #my terrible fucked up voice. my you know. etc #i came out as not cis and using they/them pronouns in 2015 when i was 14 #but no one ever used my pronouns. none of my classmates or friends even up until i left for college in 2020 #from 2020 onwards every year i wrote an angry vulnreable essay about how much it hurts that they dont remember #and people would dm me apologizing on their hands and knees and commending my bravery #and then forget about it all over again. id ont mean 'they misgender me and then catch it and apologize and correct themselves'#i mean they dont even get that far #and so you might ask yourself: why have you kept them around all this time?#and i would have to explain that by pure bad luck i grew up in the most conservative close minded community #that all of my ex classmates that stayed in singapore are cishet and upper middle class and chinese singaporean #that i Am the trans person. that they were able to ignore me for a decade partially because there was no one else #so this is a comic about how there is dignity and grace in staying in the closet sometimes #about how not everyone deserves to see you at your happiest. about how some people can go fuck themselves #you know your truth and THATS THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS!!! YEAH!!! i love you

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eikichi-supremacy · 4 months ago

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and they were singin', bye-bye Miss American Pie // american oldie i think kuwabara unironically listens to

(low effort lyric edit im queueing here in May cos im probably gonna forget it exists otherwise)

#qeued post #for June cos hey pride #the idea of kuwa seeing his friends in a holy almost godly light namely yusuke #and having them all leave unexpectedly #cos before that night at Genkai's i feel like it was solidified in kuwa's brain DESPITE the sidekick complex #DESPITE the fact that he's human and the least powerful member they are still decidedly a team #A team he has a place on. But then all suddenly springing this... YUSUKE springing this departure on him. shatters that belief #yusuke says he'll be back and it seems to make things better but even so kuwabara's face still looks so solemn when he leaves #Likely cos he knows yusuke is just saying shit and doesn't even know if it's possible to come back #this wasn't supposed to be a kuwameshi post it's really not but there's always that undertone when i talk about them so #He just admires them all so much yusuke above all others only to be left behind and that's gotta fuckin hurt #The way we don't see the resolution to this feeling. The lack of belonging the abandonment #next time we see him he's just supposed to be over it but we don't really know if it actually happened #So I like to play with the idea of like . Did he really like healthily accept things or #did he just repress it and deal. Cos like eng dub he tells yusuke ''forget all that stuff I said'' immediately taking back #his harsh words bc it's either stay mad stay upset or quickly forgive and move on cos this could be the last time. or even the jdub #where he doesn't even allow the vulnerability to show enough to trail off he just spouts the normal shit bc it's what they DO he immediatel #tries to get back to the normal dynamic and push himself to being fine with it right now bc he doesn't have the luxury of being upset #when it doesn't matter cos yusuke's leaving. the last thing he hears from him shouldnt be reckless shit he was saying when he lashed out #aka i dont think kuwa's feelings get seriously addressed enough and this episode haunts me cos of that very fact #Im not making any sense. Nico as my witness I swear I was more eloquent yapping to him about it #kuwabara kazuma #yu yu hakusho #kuwameshi

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kacievvbbbb · 2 months ago

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Truly from the depths of my struggling heart. Viva La Vida by Coldplay belongs to one Toshinori Yagi aka the one and only All Might.

Coldplay should just sign over the rights of the song at this point promptly too.

#the song just works on so many levels #cause yeah there’s the grander theme off glory days gone past #but there’s another layer of was; I really effective or good if the minute I left everything that I had built crumbled around me #because Toshinori was the symbol of peace but any peace that can’t survive without one man isn’t true peace at all #it’s a stalemate #hero society #should never have been so easy to collapse without all might #and honestly even though it was never really fully explored that was always a layer of the story I enjoyed #the ways in which a complete dominance in a field especially one as important as heroing can hurt just as much as it can help.#because if yagi had actually let people stand beside him if he hadn’t helped to create a space where other heroes could grow complacent #because all night was there. hero society would never have collapsed so easily without him.#it’s touched on but not a lot not dope if icalry about all nights dominance #it’s why I feel like if you watched the show and your geniune conclusion was that Deku should have become the new symbol of peace #then I just think we didn’t watch the same show #And don't get me wrong I'm not saying that yagi was wrong for saving people or using his powers to the max but it was touched on repeatedly #this kind of deep fear/belief that he had. That only he could save these people and if something happened to them it was on him.#Like every case could only be solved by him and it wasnt a pride thing if anything it was a trauma response same with Izuku #the tags for this got so long i swear i don't mean to do this😭#the symbolism #symbol of peace #all might #yagi toshinori #mha toshinori #mha #bnha #boku no hero acedamia #my hero acedamia #mha analysis #music #coldplay

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wyverwithy · 1 day ago

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was already feeling Not Great but falling down the last three stair steps like a buffoon has made me feel Even Less Great

#.txt #i'm fine btw now that the initial shock and adrenaline rush has worn off #only thing i hurt was my pride and elbows and foot. and the back of my head and probably other things i'll figure out tomorrow lol #not how i wanted to spend my weekend while already being sick as a dog but what can you do ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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tricksterlatte · 11 months ago

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The Online Fandom 7 Deadly Sins

sloth: complaining about how no one writes the tropes or pairings you like and bashing what's already out there, while refusing to create anything you desire yourself

greed: zine and other finance-related scandals with zero remorse for those negatively affected

gluttony: spending rent money on merch, experiencing buyer's remorse, then repeating the same process next month

wrath: anon hate over literally everything under the sun, even harassing official writers and threatening them if they don't make your ship canon

pride: devaluing other's characterizations and ships to praise yours as better, whether through a canon perspective or a moral perspective, when neither matter in the long run when it comes to your own enjoyment

envy: trash talking others' fandom creations or saying you won't bother creating anything because it'll never be as good as them

lust: fighting over who tops or bottoms because of your personal preferences when one, both, or neither could happen, especially when most of these characters never even kiss canonically nor have most people fighting done any of these things irl themselves

#parker says things #i'm not exempt I've definitely done a few of the things listed #especially pride and envy god those really go hand in hand and it's sad #but seriously...guys does any of this matter in the long run #just have fun #if someone is having fun in a way that clashes with your own type of enjoyment just hit da bricks!#that guy's got horns! well not gonna ruin my day!#live like Yusuke guys #i've been afk because I'm dealing with some intense depression but fandom has actively hurt more than helped me #and I know plenty of ppl myself included think discussion of meta is enjoyable but I think things reach a point where it's only stewing #the inherent focus on adhering to a singular strict perspective is toxic to ourselves in the long run #have fun! be self indulgent #almost everything posted is gonna be ooc to some people even if it's 100 percent accurate to others #and just in general idk I think we should focus on fandom as a sense of fun instead of a marketing ploy #most of us are not here to make fanart or writing a career #I'm not really a community person and I've learned that the hard way over a decade and more #but i just hope people will find what sparks joy and enjoy themselves again #I don't think I'll be active in fandoms much anymore as I focus more on my personal life and recover from some things #but I wish everyone much love and hope for the best for people #even if we've had some bad interactions I do not wish ill upon anyone #i got off topic but these tags are just me saying I'll stick to lurking publicly and replying to my DMs and writing in private #will still post some things to my AO3!! maybe #anyways tag yourself I'm a recovering glutton/envy

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transmasc-tabris · 4 months ago

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#anyway thinking about how my main inky and my rook are like. reverses of each other. like inky. born in an alienage. has very little memory #of it thanks to The Circumstances. got taken in by a dalish clan after all that shit and like. sees it as simultaneously a point of #pride and something that makes him worry about whether or not he's. you know. Enough. like he wants to belong and he mostly does but #damnit he does remember how they looked at him and Rella that first day and it's hard for him to not wonder in the back of his mind #if they still see him like that. and like he's got his whole Thing about that and it does make me think about how Sera would be A Lot to him #but then. my rook having basically the opposite thing going. the only memory of his clan being a vague image of his mother's face #to the point of him not even always being sure it was real (but what's the point of dwelling on that. right?) and him just deciding that #'well it's too late to think about that now' and how my Rook's whole personality for a while is just 'i don't know what's going on but #i want to help but i just end up hurting people or failing to avery disasters' while my inky is just 'i pretty much get what's #happening here and i want to kill everyone but APPARENTLY i have to be NICE now 🙄'#just rambling and thinking about how inquisition might turn out to be the end of his villain era #not that he doesn't kind of deserve a villain era but like. bro it's not helping #original posts

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sunnibits · 5 months ago

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the fact that I’ve already fucking missed out (or will have to miss out in the future) on like all of the major pride events in my area is so homophobic I’m actually gonna cry

#warning for rlly whiny vent in the tags lmao:#I WAS SO CONFIDENT THIS YEAR 😭😭 I WAS SO READY TO GO #BUT NOOO EVERYTHING COOL EITHER ALREADY HAPPENED OR IS ONLY HAPPENING ON THE TWO DAYS I CANT GO #OR ITS 21+ UP ☹️☹️☹️#I’m just. so genuinely sad and disappointed about it #like I don’t think I’ll completely miss it this year bc I’m determined to find SOMETHING to go to #but I just miss it every fucking year because of my stupid adhd brain and I fucking hate it #I’ve missed it for like seven years in a row and every year I INTENDED to go but just. didn’t #I really. really fucking hate my brain sometimes.#I just want to kiss gay people 😭😭 I want to kiss them so bad. I want to hug gay people and admire gay people and see queer elders and bearss #I want to actually access my fucking community #but because my dumb ass can never schedule ANYTHING in time. I always miss out #sorry for being so venty im just. ugh. it hurts.#I want this to be MY summer!!! I want to flirt and date and go to pride and do fun things before I have to go to college!!#but I feel like I’m already fumbling all of it #ughhgghhhhhhh

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tariah23 · 6 months ago

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Outside of all of… that happening to Gojo, and finishing Snowfall the other day, eek……..

#I can live with what gege did to Gojo even though it hurts so much bro #but I can’t deal with what happened to Franklin bro that’s one of the worst character endings ever omg my chest….#i meant it in a ‘that’s so fucked up’ way not ‘this is badly written’ because it really does fit his character….. even though witnessing #such a strong and ambitious character turn into……. THAT in the end… bro…………. not Franklin 😭…#his pride left him in ruin… the fact that he actually still had ppl who were willing to stand by his side in the end and help him but he #couldn’t accept it because in his own words ‘I built this shit! and if I wanted to tear it down with my own hands than I will-‘ like he was #so used to being in charge.. the boss… never taking orders from the people who worked for him… and whenever any other character would make #suggestions or decide that they wanted to branch off he’d completely lose his shit because in his mind they’re all stronger together and he #felt like he was losing control of the circumstances that arose and that ‘if only they would’ve listened to ME then everything would’ve #been just fine-‘ and the crazy thing is… Franklin was usually right 😭 like 90% of the time but it’s just he couldn’t communicate with his #friends and peers without blowing up like a demon just because they made their own decisions lmfao #especially without him/his consent lmfaooo he was a control freak for sure #so many awful things wouldn’t have even happened if everyone stuck together and listened but at the same time other characters grew tired #of being underneath him and it was within their right to go do their own thing like I get it #so many things were going to wrong in the end 😭… also teddy is such a bitter bitch bro #the fact that Franklin willingly decided to become…. I can’t even say it…#in the end over receiving what he’d consider a handout is insane…….. living like that? in filth because he’s too prideful to ever work #under anyone ever again even if it’s with a trusted friend… the money really blinded him but I get it #if I had 73 mil stolen from me out of nowhere by a bitter white man just because I told him I didn’t want to do business with him anymore #in the 80’s then I’d lose it too but ong Franklin was too ambitious to end up like this…#he kind of character you’d just watch and instantly think to yourself ‘this guy could go anywhere he wants. he’s no caged bird…’#so it makes his ending even more devastating……..#rambling #if you ever watch snowfall don’t watch the last episode 🥺 please promise me you won’t?

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itspileofgoodthings · 6 months ago

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Tags (continued)

#and yes I am 100% overthinking this trying to cover every angle of it all #but yeah the truest platform. the only kind that hurts no one and has something to offer to everyone #is that of teacher. and that presupposes that (mostly) I and my personal self-reflections are kept out of it #and that even the love is kept largely unexpressed #the beautiful thing is that the kids will feel it anyway #the difficult thing is that other adults/the culture at large doesn’t understand the point of not saying it. they think the point is to say #and celebrate it all. both myself and the kids #a good ol’ pat each other on the back type situation. a real American education success story #(lol)!#but yeah. I would say that shooting for such a lofty goal also exposes me to the danger of pride and believing I am better than everyone #for NOT being sentimental etc. but a) of course it does #and b) the desire to conform to that high standard means wrestling my pride to begin with #you guys are getting every thought I’ve ever had and then more. so sorry.#it’s the tiredness and the unhingedness

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youssefguedira · 7 months ago

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that time again

#leaning towards tsn only because i think a) that won't hurt me and b) itll require less effort #but if i hate it then. well it was only 50p #secret third options include pride 2014 the fall and uhhh idk little miss sunshine and the entire matrix trilogy #in terms of DVDs On My Shelf. but these are the ones ive decided are my options #tired and ill and not emotionally resilient so no suggesting things that may make me sad. that can be tomorrow night's movie #i prefer the buy random dvd from thrift store system. narrows down my choices when it comes to 'classics' somewhat #ive also got the mummy. which i have seen. but not a bad alternative

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philcoulsonismyhero · 1 year ago

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Spent this last week tired and in pain and I want to draw about it, but unfortunately aforementioned condition of being tired and in pain makes drawing impossible, so I guess I just have to suffer instead. Why this.

#i mean i know why this it's the hypermobility #but this is a new record for number of joints that hurt at once #hands and in particular thumbs; elbows; shoulders; and feet if i spend too long standing up #i can't currently use my thumbs because the thumb braces are the only thing stopping the pain getting worse #and that means no drawing because i can't hold a pencil #no piano or video games either which are other go-to distractions #i can't hold my phone properly #and i can only type in short bursts with fingers and no thumbs #i hate not being able to use my hands properly #the whole hypermobility thing has been causing me more and more problems lately and it sucks #i really need to get back to the doctor about it #but i'm so damn busy with work this month that i haven't had the time #and being so busy is just making things worse #driving is getting harder and i'm really worried that's going to become a problem #at least the thumb braces help with the pain #and physically prevent me from doing the things that'll make it worse #even if those things include. basically all of my hobbies #fuck this honestly #starting to come to terms with the fact that i am. a bit more physically disabled that previously assumed #happy disability pride month to me i guess :/#personal stuff

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keptthepieces · 9 months ago

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just another diary entry obvs

#i still feel so sad #yk i mean i take things very deeply very personally im sure some people remember may '21 lol #but this is just very hard for me because im so confused #why would you let resentment build towards someone about something they dont even know theyre doing to bother you #to the point that youre hurting the other person and they dont even know why for the longest time #it hurts a lot it wasnt even addressed at all until i brought it up bcs i couldn't stand not knowing and yet feeling so hurt and confused #i needed to know it wasn't in my head and i was right #but now im second guessing everything they talked to me so normally said they care about me all the way up until the day before #but ive felt the distance for a while so do they love me like they said or was that not true #if they dont then im such an idiot i really care about them i really respect them and love them #idk im really hurting very badly #really stupid for a 25 yr old to feel so hurt because they annoyed someone #but i just wish it was addressed sooner and for someone who prides themselves on being open and honest and direct..#it feels like they maybe just didnt care enough to talk to me about it.#so yk maybe they dont care about me.#which also feels like an offensive conclusion to come to about them when they dont lie and value honesty and openness so much #i dont want to think they dont love me bcs i do think i know them pretty well i do think theyd never lie about that #but maybe ive only convinced myself of that because it would hurt far worse if they didnt #whatever anyways im so stupid and i know i must have fucked things up by being too much again.#ill leave them alone and the hurt will ease up eventually #their friendship has meant a lot to me theyve done a lot for me i dont want to lose it completely i really dont #i just dont regulate well how much i care for my friends and its too much sometimes its one of the worst things about me #but i genuinely want my friends to know theyre loved and thought of and cared about and i mean it #and i cant always tell when i hit overbearing so i fuck things up.#anyways i am sorry i made someone i care about feel overwhelmed and i regret that i made them uncomfortable for i dont even know how long #im hurt but thats the worst thing i couldve done #okay ill shut up now stop talking about it its just still fresh to me obviously cant talk abt it on twt and they dont follow me here #i needed to vent without my irl friends 'fuck them' attitude bcs theyre a good person and friend and it does feel like its only my fault #for the most part anyways minus yk the communication bit #but we'll circle back to the do they even count us friends doubts and we dont need that ill move on now needed to get it off my chest

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whydoifeelthisquiet · 1 year ago

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back to my other url <3

#abby doesnt shut up #I’m feeling extremely torn and conflicted at the moment!#i know for a fact that taylor has a good heart & I really appreciate all of the silent ways in which she embraces diversity #BUT…to do that and date Heelys boy and not speak out and then have pr spewing condescending things isn’t right #and I’m only saying this bc I love her deeply and I know for a fact that she is capable of being better #and it hurts but this is my only safe space. Taylor is the one constant in my life. this fandom is the only place in which I can be myself-#-without judgement and scrutiny of my Disability #like me calling her out 100% comes from a place of love and a genuine wish for her to use her platform positively #rn she’s getting so much support and $ from marginalized fans and fans in general #so the condescending pr coming out is hurtful and idk which of it she’s responsible for but nonetheless #I think it’s okay to feel conflicted.#especially if you are marginalized in any way.#I think if we respectfully call for change it’s okay and ppl who think it’s over dramatic need to shut their mouths!!#also I thought the pride speech was sweet but the part where she said she’s posting and speaking out a lot ??????#I was in the audience like ???????

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fareehaandspaniards · 11 months ago

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I want so much to have more time for creative things... I barely have time to continue my Gremia/Damian fic (and despite lack of time I WRITE IT), I have so many ideas, want to tell about Byrgenwerth life of my favourite scholar four - Micolash, Rom(my little ginger sigma-female), Laurence and Caryll, explain my vision of their lifes and write lots of headcanons for them! Explain how Gehrman and Laurence met, how old is Gehrman in my opinion (at least how old he WAS during byrgenwerth era), who is Willem and why he is cool character, tell the whole story of Gremia! I realised yesterday that I see him as a complete complicated person with flaws, funny stories, good and bad sides, things that he likes and dislikes, his possible connection with other characters. I think I have the whole vision of a bloodborne lore by now!

Want to share so much! But time... :'^( I didn't even finish my comic (3 of 6 panels) yet but I still remember about it!

Yesterday I started new drawing again, don't like how I draw at all, I guess it's a sort of period of self-digging? I drew sketch for Micolash/Saint Adeline art but god it's so hard right now. That time of being artist (lol I am not tbh) again. No good line in 10 minutes of struggling wtf I need to sit, take a deep breath in, breath out and draw, learn, read guides, but TIME!!

I want to tell that I ship Micolash/Adeline (as MicoEdgar, both are good, just in different time of Mico's life), Laurence/Rom, Gehrman/Lady Maria, Gremia/Damian, Caryll/Rom in their young age and etс!! Iship lots and lots of things

And with my head full of ideas and cool stuff I have 1 fucking day to take rest of work, and tomorrow 31th of December I am gonna work and it will be hard (I couldn't even guess that life of florist is so hard)

SO!

I often got into depressive mood but husband and friends from Tumblr take me out of it just posting their stuff and being themselves and talking with me sometimes. Just know my mutuals that I may not talk with you but I love your works, what you write, post and everything... Just no energy. All I do is reblog and like your amazing stuff and what you reblog sorry

If you want - send me asks, because even if I am so busy, when someone wants me to do something (write, draw and ;alejfrwlemfgvew;) I'll do it with much more motivation than if I would want myself to do something!

Hope New Year will be great! I always got sensitive when it comes to New Year, cry often when it's 00:00 because I overcome with feelings - so many things have passed, those I deeply cherish in my heart and those I hate (but never really want to forget something! ANY experience makes us stronger and helps to survive). I hope you all will have wonderful year! Even if you feel bad - I have a belief that destiny leads us to places where we MUST be and it is always something that is best for all. World is living in balance with it's good and bad, I always say that. Just maybe we need to look around ourselves and look for good things that surround us but we don't see them/don't care about them/don't want to know.

#personal stuff #You WILL BE HAPPY AND JOYFUL I tell you so now go do your silly things :P #Absouletely useless fact - me and husband came to a conclusion that I am Micolash of our family :'D #And there are reasons for it xD #But nobody got hurt I swear #Only maybe my pride #:^)#I feel how my head becomes empty again #amazing feeling #i don't know if I am asocial or just shy or just introvert or all of them together #also FANTOMETTE my dear I didn't see your reblog of my post about astigmatism found it yesterday!!#can I say that it's cool that we both are wearing them now? xD (I don't know if you like it but I am thrilled)

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