#the ones that aren’t are really really stressing me the fuck out rn and I truly hate it

[crossbackpoke-check]

re last answer: please don't stop, being very unhinged about these two pretty white boys is helping distract me from the sharks losing streak rn so bring it on

https://www.tumblr.com/bondedpairs/764566430180147200?source=share

(sideblog woes but there's the link for you) anyway in the vid they talk about going over to each other's houses to have dinner and things and while that is a delicious example of their codependence i love it bc through an rpf lens there is definitely some old man ******* going on. they can have the dilfs and each other.

(someone else mentioned kept boys which i could write an essay on but i fear being Perceived™️)

anyway if you have anything to add to this please do, if not ignore me and i will hide under a rock until the stress-related insanity has worn off and i am a functioning member of society once more 😂

- @bondedpairs

ty for the video!!! and please, WRITE THE KEPT BOYS ESSAYYYY i promise i will read it with my hands over my eyes if you don’t want to be perceived. do it scared!! do it anyway!! we’ll all love you for it!!!

[main-character-moment]

Everything bad is happening and no one is making it any easier

[thatsouthernstate]

July 18-19, 2023

If I keep holdin' out

Will the light shine through?

Under this broken roof

It's only rain that I feel

I've been wishing out the days

Oh, oh, oh, come back

I have been planning out

All that I'd say to you

Since you slipped away

Know that I still remain true

I've been wishing out the days

Please say, that if you hadn'ta gone now

I wouldn't have lost you another way

From wherever you are

Oh, oh, come back

And these days, they linger on

And in the night, I been waitin' for

The real possibility that I may meet you in my dreams

I go to sleep

If I don't fall apart

Will my memories stay clear?

So you had to go

And I had to remain here

But the strangest thing today

So far away and yet you feel so close

And I'm not gonna question it any other way

There must be an open door for you

To come back

And the days, they linger on

And every night, what I'm waitin' for

Is the real possibility I may meet you in my dream

Sometimes you're there and you're talking back to me

Come the morning, I could swear that you're next to me

And it's okay

It's okay

It’s okay

I'll be here, come back, come back

I'll be here, come back, come back

I'll be here, come back, come back

[coichii]

22:43 - HYUNJIN

pairing - nerd!bf!hyunjin ♥︎ fem!reader

genre: angst, comfort & college AU

word count: 0.7k

warnings: negative self talk & swearing like once

A/N : this is very self indulgent bc 2 weeks in and math is already eating my ass ! also I’m sorry if this sounds rushed 🙏🏾 like I said math is beating me rn

“Ok, then after that you carry the x and combine the common factors.” He says, but to be honest, it all sounds like gibberish to you.

Math is the hardest subject to master in your eyes. All those formulas and variables go in one ear and out the other.

Hyunjin, being the incredibly smart and sweet boyfriend he is, kindly offered to help you. Of course you gladly accepted his help, but it would be a lie say you weren’t 5 seconds away from crying.

You groan, throwing your head down on your hands. You couldn’t understand a thing. The feeling of inferiority and stupidity were wracking your brain.

“Im so stupid, why can’t I understand this.” and more self deprecating thoughts were going through your mind. You hadn’t even realized that you had started crying, or that hyunjin was trying to get your attention.

“Y/n, what’s wrong?!” You hear his voice cut through your thoughts. He looks at you, obviously panicked from your sudden outburst. “I- I don’t know, i’m just s-so-“ You can't finish before a fresh set of tears and choked sobs are coming from your body.

Immediately he’s moving to hold you in his arms, stroking your lower back as you continue to cry. Quiet praises and hushes come out of his mouth, small kisses being placed to either side of your face.

It takes you a while to get yourself together again, choked sobs turning into small hiccups. You look up at hyunjin, a small, warm smile plastered on his lips.

“Can you tell me what happened, my love?” His voice sounds gentle, slighting healing the current tears in your heart. “I don’t k-know i think I got a little frustrated” You lie. You didn’t want to tell everything about how you were feeling to him.

It’s not that you didn’t trust him, you just didn’t want to be so vulnerable. However, he obviously caught this.

“You’re more than a little frustrated. Tell me what’s wrong so I can help you baby, that’s all I want to do for you.” The way he says it and looks, has all your walls opening immediately.

“I’ve just been so stressed. I can’t keep up hyune i can’t. I can’t stop myself from comparing me to my classmates. They’re so much better than i am. They don’t cry under the littlest bit of pressure, and they certainly aren’t crying over fucking calculous. I just.. don’t know what to do anymore.” You trail off at the end, heat rushing to your cheeks in embarrassment, even more so from his lack of response. You’re about to apologize for ranting before his voice cuts yours off.

“Oh Y/n, i wish you could see your self through my eyes.” He starts, eyes warm. “You really don’t know how absolutely intelligent you are. You got into this amazing school, your writing is so beautiful it brings me to tears, the way you explain your work is so incredible, and so much more. You are the smartest person I know baby, don’t compare yourself to anyone else you hear me. Not understanding something doesn’t and will never ever make you dumb.”

All you can do is hug and kiss him. The thoughts of inferiority don’t disappear, but they are definitely drowned out by the love of your life’s words.

You pull away, flashing him a bright smile, which he gladly reciprocates. “Now, why don’t you say we take a break and watch some spirited away, hmm?”

“But love, we still have all this left to finish.” You frown. You don’t want to pull him away from his own work just for you. “It’s okay, I honestly think I could use the break too.”

You sigh as you agree, his puppy eyes he starting staring at you becoming to much to handle.

As you get up, packing away your belongings, you can’t help but to think just how lucky you got to have a boyfriend as smart, loving, and caring as him.

back to masterlist

[rewritingcanon]

hpng characters and how they study for exams because im literally dying rn

rose- academic weapon. need i say more. she has the pomodoro technique down pat. she’s the girl at your local library claiming an entire table with an outlet to herself so she can plug her chunky ass laptop into it and make sure it doesn’t explode on her. she has a sugary iced drink near her at all times but she only takes a sip when she feels she’s deserved it. she eats dinner at 1am because she will not let herself move from her desk until she’s completed the practicals she has laid out in front of her. but trust that she’s losing hair and she’s greasy asf and her short fuse is basically nonexistent. she’s also always randomly sick during exam prep, but her symptoms are never bad enough to warrant a doctor’s visit, it’s only hella inconvenient so she’s chugging neuyrofen and vitamin c like her life’s on the line. no special consideration for her. when she experiences one minor setback (technical malfunction, stubbed her toe, bit her tongue etc) she starts angry crying immediately. just don’t speak to her during exam time, she’ll slap you for breaking her concentration.

albus- exam period what exam period. what are you talking about. these assignments aren’t worth half of his grade what do you mean. you’re telling him the essay was due at 5pm today and not 11:59………………. number one— doesn’t cope well at all. in denial until the twenty-four hour mark before his assignments are due and then will lock in as hard as he can but it is absolutely not a pretty process. so don’t even talk to him about it before then. number two— it’s not like he was relaxing during swotvac (idk the british term for swotvac leave me alone) period, my boy was stressed asf he was just procrastinating. you know when you’re too stressed to do literally anything. albus is a prisoner during exam period free my boy. he can’t study, he can’t relax. when he fucks up because of his poor time management he will psychoanalyse everything about himself and convince himself he’s the stupidest mammal to walk on two legs with five fingers. the mental abuse he puts himself through after submitting the shittiest 2000 word essay is crazy. but he is an affront to the english language (he’s surprisingly alright at exams cuz he’s really good at bulshitting, just don’t make him write anything longform 😭 he can’t back up his impassioned opinions with any evidence ok)

victoire- she is the influencer on studytok that makes studying for eight hours straight look like the most aesthetically pleasing pastime ever. her skin is clean, her hair is washed, her clothes are pressed, her eating and sleeping schedule is routine. she’s so not real.

james- most people think he’s an academic weapon because most people will just see the results he gets at the end of the marking period and conclude he’s hella smart. but if they saw the type of basement-dwelling creature he turns into during the study period they would be horrified. he doesn’t touch grass, he doesn’t leave his room, his lips are chapped asf. in fact his room is growing into a whole new ecosystem to account for the cave-dwelling lifestyle james has going on. he’s got the most psycho routine ever, no sane person would replicate this. he’s so mad-scientist-scribbling-incoherent-observations-at-his-barely-lit-desk-at-midnight core. he never sleeps, he only has intervals of three hour naps so it doesn’t disrupt his sleep inertia. friends can’t text or call or reach out to him— he’s on dnd for the next two weeks. you’d think he died. his siblings think he’s doing cocaine in his room to keep himself up. there is the occasional james sighting around 5am where he may trudge out of his room like a night stalker to make himself tea. his face is gaunt and ghostly and his body is brittle and awkward. don’t speak to him because he’s not going to respond he’s too busy spacing out through the entire exam period. if you do get a word out of him it’ll probably not be in a language understood in this world. best he keep to his room.

hugo- he’s absolutely broke yet the only way he can cope is through impulsive storms of online shopping and doing shopping hauls on his close friends. if he had it his way he’d wind down the night with some dti with the boys but hermione has that boy’s arse glued to the dining chair and she and rose are circling hawks scrutinising all of his answers and then insisting to mark his pracs for him. in all realness they do save him because his marks are always pretty good in the end.

teddy- simply did not study if the subject didn’t appeal to him. one of those woke students that truly believed that marks did not equate to worth. knew he would only feasibly want to pursue careers in the subjects he liked so would prioritise one or two subjects. motivational speaker to all his friends. actually didn’t let exams stop him from living his life. his speeches on the wotters aren’t so successful since a lot of them highkey gaf about their results. rose gets pissed off every time he tries with her. victoire politely ignores him. james is disassociating through the entire speech. he doesn’t even attempt it with percy’s kids. bad luck ted.

lily- if there is a person who is the exact type of person who isn’t built for studying, it’s her. she can get away with it at the start of her schooling, because she is quite smart, but when it gets serious its the biggest humbling ever. she just can’t lock in. she’ll have an exam the next day and suddenly she’s knocking on albus’ door and is willing and wanting to listen to him complain about Life Problem #218. she’s suddenly volunteering to help her mum garden and help her dad cook. she’s going to ‘study sessions’ with friends where she forces them to do anything but study. she’s binge watching shows with james. she’s picking up a new hobby in juggling. she’s attacked by a new hyperfixation she can’t get out of her head and she has to spend 6 hours a day looking at fanart. like girl go study. james will give her the most bomb (but lowkey psycho) tips on how to lock in and she’ll get motivated until she looks at her prac and sees an 8 mark short answer question. like goodnight she’s having a nap. also she eats everything in the fridge, no snacks are safe. fuck the no sugar rule fr. she’s not even hungry she just convinces herself she is so she can do literally anything else besides that 8 mark question waiting for her on her desk in her room.

dominique- would drop out.

scorpius- he’s a fucking freak because he probably likes the stress of exam period 💀 like he probs does feel stress about it, but since he’s always constantly stressed out this isn’t anything new to him. “i get to pour over all my in-detail notes i’ve written on all these subjects through the semester again?? and then do an assessment regarding the in-detail notes i have? yippee!!” his optimism is absolutely not shared by his peers but he’s so oblivious to it. he’s fantasising about what topic questions he’ll get and what his damn body paragraphs are going to be. he’s the guy seated behind you in the exam who unintentionally peer pressures you by requesting for another booklet because he’s written too much in the first. he’s the one joyfully skipping up to you after the test is over and excitedly asking for what you wrote about or what answers you got, and when he shares his responses with you, you realise his points were better or his answers were actually correct. and then he’s emailing his teachers every week asking for when the marks will be released because he’s just so excited. weirdo.

[whyse7vn]

BABY FEVER -

[ ot7 x reader ]

TAEHYUNG -

tae: have my cubs

y/n: STOP TALKING TO ME NOW

tae: i want 8

y/n: i’ve actually never been so srs in my life

let’s break up

like fr

i’m over this relationship i’m over you

tae: i can settle for 5 if it’s too much

y/n: let’s settle for a break up

tae: our little family 🥺

y/n: i would rather shoot myself

tae: why?

y/n: WHY?

are you really asking my why rn?

tae: yeah??

y/n: “have my cubs”

tae: i can’t get pregnant what is wrong with you

someone didn’t go to school 😭😭

y/n: who in their right mind says shit like that

tae: me??

y/n: stop talking to me

tae: babe

i’m being for real

y/n: i know

and i’m scared

tae: don’t be scared

i’ll protect you

and the kids

real alpha i am

y/n: stop

tae: are you getting emotional?

omg are you pregnant rn?????

hormones and that stuff?

is that what you wanted to say this whole time??

were you trying to hide it from me??

ur so cute >.<

y/n: i’m blocking you now

tae: we are gonna get through this together

do you think we need a bigger house?

y/n: genuinely are you ok in the head?

tae: ofc wtf??

i know ur not because of the pregnancy

but it’s okay

you don’t need to stress at all

i’ll think for the both of us

the love of ur life taetae be the sane one for the next 6 months

y/n: there is so much to unpack there

tae: omg have you been clothes shopping without me >.<

y/n: i am perfectly fine

you and sane don’t belong in the same sentence

never call yourself taetae again

and it’s 9 months not 6 you fucking idiot

tae: what is ur actual problem??

don’t swear around my child you’ll poison their mind

and i think i know more about babies than you do so just leave everything to me ok?

y/n: again i would rather shoot myself

tae: if you die i’ll protect the baby

y/n: there is no baby

tae: are you not ready to be a mother or something?

i swear we can do this babe

y/n: are you actually listening to me??

tae: ofc i am??

y/n: …

tae: i’m omw home btw can’t wait to see you both!!!!!!!

y/n: it’s like you only take in the information you want to hear

tae: i love you too

y/n: or maybe you just can’t read

tae: <333333333

YOONGI -

yoongi: no

y/n: i don’t like when you read my mind like that

yoongi: no

y/n: i’m gonna ask anyways

yoongi: no

y/n: let’s have a baby 😁🙏🏽

yoongi: no

y/n: if we don’t have a baby now ur gonna be an old dad

ur gonna die before our baby turns 10

we don’t want that do we?

think of all the precious memories you’ll miss

yoongi: i’m fine with that

y/n: are you really?

yoongi: …

no

y/n: let’s have a baby rn

yoongi: but that’s so much work

y/n: #inittogether

our little baby made out of our love for each other

isn’t that sososoos cute yoongi 🥺

yoongi: i guess

y/n: so we’re having a baby?

yoongi: go away

y/n: ur not saying no

i’m taking this as a yes

i continue to win in this life

yoongi: what if you die before me

and i’m left with a baby?

y/n: the old thing really got to you huh?

yoongi: no i’m just saying you might die first

y/n: there is no way i’m dying first

ur literally 30

yoongi: and???

y/n: like jin is ur age mate that’s saying aLOT

yoongi: ur pissing me off

y/n: okay old bitch

yoongi: you expect me to have children with you after you bully me??

y/n: pls put me in ur will

i’m in jin’s yk?

yoongi: why are you in jin’s will?

y/n: why? mad ur not?

yoongi: how do you know i’m not

in his will?

matter of fact why tf does he have a will??

y/n: aren’t you an inquisitive one

yoongi: saying big words doesn’t make you look smart

y/n: jin knows it’s almost his time

you better start writing yours

yoongi: leaving everything to holly

y/n: i’ll literally cook holly

yoongi: what is wrong with you

y/n: i am not with child rn

that’s what’s wrong

yoongi: that sounded gross

never say that again

y/n: i’ve come to the conclusion that ur my biggest enemy

yoongi: i’m glad you know

y/n: ur dying

yoongi: ur next

y/n: don’t ever say that

i’m literally in my prime

yoongi: ur prime?

couldn’t tell

y/n: find someone else to carry your children

i can no longer stand the idea of mini yous running around

yoongi: ok :(

y/n: ??

don’t frown at me

you brought this on urself

yoongi: 😔

y/n: you bitch

yoongi: come make a baby with me 😄

NAMJOON -

y/n: let’s have a child

namjoon: ok

y/n: i lied

namjoon: oh

y/n: what is wrong with you

namjoon: what is wrong with you?

y/n: did adding a question mark make you feel better bitch??

namjoon: very

y/n: this is why i lie to you

namjoon: that’s not nice

y/n: ur literally a nasty little gaslighter

namjoon: i’m not?

y/n: you are?

namjoon: if anything ur the gaslighter

y/n: fake claims i’ll sue

namjoon: you tell me you want to have children and then you tell me ur lying or you never said that

y/n: what is ur actual issue i’ve never said i want kids??

if you want kids ig we can talk about it but i’ve literally never brought that up

namjoon: see?

y/n: i see very clearly actually 20/20 vision the eye people told me

namjoon: you wear glasses?

y/n: occasionally

like what is ur issue?

ur so obsessed with me it’s not right

namjoon: ig i’m a little obsessed

y/n: it’s really not right

wait…

don’t you fucking wear glasses

what is ur issue four eyes???

namjoon: i do

i’ve never claimed to have 20/20 vision

y/n: ur blind as hell

namjoon: maybe i don’t want to have kids with you

they fr won’t be able to see anything

y/n: HOW DARE YOU SAY YOI DONT WANT KIDS WITH ME

YOURE SICK IN TBE HEAD

namjoon: put ur glasses on

ur spelling stuff wrong

y/n: it’s my charm

namjoon: not wearing ur glasses?

y/n: we need to go on a break

namjoon: how can we go on a break when we have kids to take care of?

y/n: and you say ur not a gaslighter?

what if i was a weak woman and fell for ur sick lies

namjoon: we would have kids by now

y/n: ur messed up

that’s so messed up

namjoon: shoot me

y/n: don’t say stuff like that

cuz i will

then you’ll be mad

and dead

namjoon: what are you bothering me for?

y/n: can i not just message my bf like omg?

namjoon: you miss me or something?

y/n: not anymore

namjoon: cute

y/n: fuck ur cute

namjoon: accepting a compliment won’t kill you yk?

y/n: stop communicating with me

namjoon: you messaged me first?

y/n: no i didn’t

namjoon: whatever

y/n: omg don’t speak to me like you hate me i’ll kms

namjoon: so kids?

y/n: idk what ur on about tbh

namjoon: fine

y/n: fine

namjoon: fine?

y/n: fine?

namjoon: idk what you want from me

y/n: children

namjoon: you stop communicating with me

y/n: wow

namjoon: yeah

y/n: ur a LOSER

SEOKJIN -

jin: it’s time we reproduce

y/n: no

jin: no?

this would be a blessing to many

y/n: ok??

jin: ok?

i’ll just kms then

if you hate me just say that

y/n: i hate you

jin: what is ur problem???

y/n: what’s urs??

you told me to say it

jin: i said if you hate me

IF

y/n: ???

jin: oh my god

leave me alone

y/n: oh my god by gidle

jin: you have to stop speaking to hobi

y/n: why :(

jin: ur starting to talk like him

and it’s gross

the mother of my children a hoseok clone??

no thank you

y/n: what children??

jin: you need to keep up

we are having kids

y/n: but you said mother of your children

like as in you have kids rn

and last time i checked i never gave birth

who is this other woman seokjin???

jin: ew why would you say my full name like that

y/n: why would you cheat on me?

jin: bored?

y/n: all men are the same

jin: i am like no other man

y/n: true you dumb as hell

jin: now ur talking shit

y/n: maybe the shit talks you

jin: what

y/n: what

jin: can we make babies pls

y/n: ew

you actually make me wanna throw up

jin: wtf

this is why i don’t talk to you

y/n: you talk to me everyday?

in fact you loose ur mind if you don’t talk to me for more than 2 hours

jin: you literally have no proof

once again ur talking SHIT

y/n: don’t raise ur voice at me tf

jin: see you would be such a good mother

that’s such a parent thing to say

lowkey got me feeling a little hot and bothered rn 🙈

i’m sorry

you might need to put me in my place again mommy 🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈🙉🙉🙉

y/n: what the fuck

jin: you’re not into it???

y/n: how can you go from talking about children to sex?

jin: don’t say that makes me sound like a perv

y/n: you are a perv

jin: no i’m not

ur just lame

like you need to have sex to have children

i was just helping start the process

y/n: you’ve got like a screw loose or something

jin: stop speaking to me in riddles

or don’t

i do love a smart girl 😉

y/n: stop speaking to me like a bitch in heat

jin: people lame nowadays

by people i mean you

y/n: cry about it

jin: i just might

y/n: good

JUNGKOOK -

y/n: do you want to have a baby?

jk: doesn’t giving birth hurt?

y/n: so?

jk: i don’t want you to get hurt

y/n: life is pain

jk: i’ll give birth

y/n: that’s not how it works

jk: pls let me do it

y/n: ok

jk: thank you

y/n: ur welcome

jk: do you think i’ll look good pregnant?

y/n: idk

jk: will you still love me when i get big?

y/n: i might leave you if you get pregnant

jk: wtf?

y/n: it might creep me out

jk: why wtf

y/n: i don’t want to imagine you pregnant

jk: but our baby ☹️

y/n: i would rather never have kids than see you pregnant

jk: wow

you think i would be that ugly

y/n: i’m sorry

jk: are you?

y/n: ummm

jk: ok then

y/n: we can always adopt

jk: but that’s not my baby

y/n: legally they would be

jk: we won’t have the same spit

y/n: the same spit?

jk: yk like our insides won’t be the same

y/n: ur dna?

jk: yeah my dna

y/n: ur not supposed to have the exact same dna as ur baby anyways

jk: okay but it’s like a mix of us

and a adopted one would have no mix at all

y/n: so what do you want to do?

jk: give birth

y/n: i really don’t think it’s possible babe

jk: i will do it

y/n: sure

jk: why don’t you believe in me?

y/n: i do

jk: act like it

y/n: wooo?

jk: not good enough

y/n: sorry i’m tired

jk: ok?

y/n: fuck you?

jk: i’m about to have a baby and ur talking to me like that?

y/n: i’ll believe it when i see it

jk: so you fr don’t believe in me?

y/n: yeah

not one bit of belief in me

jk: crazy how people switch up

when you want to come back into me and MY babies lives we won’t let you

y/n: i’m crying

honestly

jk: i’m glad

y/n: i’m actually not

i don’t care at all

and that’s the truth

jk: so you just lie for fun

y/n: pretty much

jk: wow

ur crazy

y/n: 4 u

jk: waittt why am i blushing rn 😖

are you in love with me be honest?

y/n: idk…

jk: oh

y/n: embarrassing…

ur just a fuck buddy tbh

jk: for 8 years i’ve been a fuck buddy?

y/n: yur

jk: are you lying to me?

y/n: i could be

jk: i could be pregnant rn

y/n: are you?

jk: no

but i could be

y/n: are you lying to me?

jk: yeah :(

y/n: it’s okay

jk: is it really??

y/n: you don’t want me to answer that

JIMIN -

y/n: i’ve been getting congratulation texts all day today

jimin: omg people are so crazy wtf 😭?

y/n: i’m fr so confused

did we win an award i didn’t know about or something??

jimin: maybe idk lol

y/n: would it be rude if i asked what tf they’re talking about?

jimin: unbelievably rude

don’t do it

i’m for real

y/n: but i wanna know

jimin: just accept the congrats and go

y/n: do you know something i don’t?

jimin: wtf no?

y/n. ur lying

jimin: i’m not

y/n: jimin

jimin: love of my life

apple of my eye

babe

y/n: tell me

jimin: omg i LOVE that song

tell me tell me ttttell me

y/n: now

jimin: sorry idk what ur talking about

hello??

babe?

where did you go?

come back

talk to me

y/n: YOU TOLD PEOPLE I WAS PREGNANT???

jimin: I TOLD YOU NOT TO ASK

WAHT IS WRONG WITH YOU???

y/n: WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT

jimin: i’m preparing people for the future

y/n: ??????????

i’m NOT pregnant

jimin: you will be when i’m done with you ;)

y/n: wtf is wrong with you

jimin: a lot

y/n: i can tell

jimin: do you think i’m ugly be honest

y/n: right now yes

jimin: so you think i’m pretty other times 🥺🥺🥺

let’s have a baby

y/n: no

jimin: okay wtf

why not

y/n: ur literally about to be shipped off

you want to leave me with a baby??

jimin: why would you say that

now i’m upset

i’ll take the baby with me

y/n: …

jimin: no?

y/n: no

jimin: fine

our baby would be lowkey ugly anyways

y/n: excuse me?

jimin: problem?

y/n: why would our baby be ugly??

jimin: i mean…

y/n: you mean????

jimin: ur gonna have to just prove me wrong babe

y/n: ur not funny

jimin: did i make a joke???

y/n: you are the joke

jimin: i actually am not the joke

i never joke

super serious guy park jimin is

super shy too

new jeans core >.<

y/n: i’m done with you

HOSEOK -

y/n: baby?

hobi: me?

y/n: no like an actual baby

hobi: ur having one?

congrats!!!!!

y/n: no??

i’m not having one

hobi: oh

i’m sorry for ur loss

y/n: there was no loss

hobi: oh

was there a gain?

y/n: do you want there to be?

hobi: depends on the gain

y/n: the gain would be a baby

hobi: yikesss

that’s a pretty lame gain

why would i want you to have a baby?

y/n: um because you love me?

hobi: i wouldn’t be the father

i don’t see the point

y/n: ???

why wouldn’t you be the father?

hobi: i thought you were asking me if you could have a baby with someone else

y/n: what?

hobi: what?

i’m confused

y/n: I’M confused

hobi: why are we confused??

y/n: why would i ask you if i could have a baby with someone else???

hobi: feminism?

tho i do think it would be more of a feminist move if you didn’t ask me

ur spirt was in the right place tho

i’m sure the women will forgive you

y/n: what?

hobi: was i wrong??

y/n: what do you think?

hobi: it’s not my place to decide for a strong woman like urself

y/n: get a grip

hobi: grip gotten

y/n: is this ur way of dodging my baby proposal?

hobi: a baby what?

that sounds wrong

tf is a baby doing proposing???

ur a baby like drink milk or something

y/n: are you drunk??

hobi: nooooooooooooooooooooooooo

y/n: so ur tipsy?

hobi: tipsy topsy who cares

y/n: i do

i’m trying to ask you if you want to have a baby with me oh my god

hobi: omg do you love me or something???

that’s so crazy

y/n: bye have fun drinking

hobi: drinking heals me

y/n: that’s concerning

hobi: will i be a good dad

y/n: i’m sure you will

hobi: or will i kill myself due to the stress

y/n: oh

hobi: let’s find out babe

i’m ready

y/n: that did not sound like ready talk to me

we can talk about this tomorrow

hobi: if we think about it what can a baby do that i can’t???

y/n: keep me company

hobi: i do that all the time

do you hate me

if you hate me say 1

if you hate me and want me dead in a ditch by saturday night say 7

y/n: where are you right now?

hobi: jin’s house

i think

y/n: you think?

anyways

that’s the point

i’m all alone a baby would never leave me to go drink with jin

hobi: jin would be dead by the time our baby was born

he’s old

dojn’t tell him i said that

he might kick me out

i would be so upset

like this :cccccccccccc

and this 😭😭😭😪😓😓😓😰😰😨😨

WOAHHH THIJS DRINK HITTING OH MY GOD BABE WOW

FEELS LIKE I JUST DID COKE

OH MY GOF

not that i’ve done cokr befr don’t be scared of me babe

y/n: wow okay!

hobi: babies can’t even dance to dynamite i don’t see why you would want that in ur life

and i totally can dance to dynamite

sO i win

y/n: you are so right babe you go and have fun with jin!

hobi: see ur just so silly

and btw i realllly donnt do coke i swear it

y/n: 7

hobi: OH MY GIF I KNEW ITT

[saviorellie]

roommate!ellie headcannons.

pairing : ellie williams x reader

pov : second person , she/her pronouns

warnings : mention of porn i guess? college!ellie!! she’s got a big fat crush on you

notes : PLEASEEE send me headcannon and blurb requests for ellie (AND ABBY)!!

roommate!ellie that you met in a facebook group (she promptly deleted facebook as soon as you met)

roommate!ellie who refuses. and i mean re fuses. to do laundry.

she hates it oh my god she hates it. she does dishes, you do laundry. that is the agreement!

roommate!ellie who does not care what the place looks like, please take all creative control. she’ll love it regardless

she WILL kick ice under the fridge no matter how many times you tell her not to

roommate!ellie who would rather die than forget to water your plants. because she knows you love them and she KNOWS you will forget

she’s so “dad who says he doesn’t want a cat but loves that cat more than himself”

(the cat’s name is star. i will not elaborate.) (savage starlight.)

roommate!ellie who introduced you to fortnite and is mad because you’re better than her

roommate!ellie whose love language is physical touch

she will Die if your legs aren’t in her lap while watching a movie. she will sit on the counter beside the stove if you’re cooking.

roommate!ellie is a LOOOOSERRRRR

i’m talking sweating when you’re wearing pajama shorts, shaking when you play with her hair, blushing like all the fucking time.

she needs you bad.

roommate!ellie who turns into a handyman any time something breaks (she will break it more than it was already broken)

she was laying on the kitchen floor tiles when she accidentally broke the ac

roommate!ellie who refuses to let you buy groceries

“i eat more than you anyway” “you pay for the netlifx and the disney+” “let me sugar momma you”

roommate!ellie who will get on. All fours. if she comes home from work or class and you’re cooking or you made dinner for her.

(please please please be her housewife) (omg who said that?!)

roommate!ellie who puts cream and sugar in her coffee even though she likes black the best

because she knows she won’t finish the mug but you will and you like cream and sugar

roommate!ellie who is actually not! an astronomy major! she’s a paleontology major for sure

roommate!ellie who spends every paycheck she gets on 1. groceries and 2. random little trinkets she knows you’ll like

the sonny angel collection is crazy (thank you ellieeee :P)

roommate!ellie who can not stop giving you weird nicknames

“sweet girl” “angel” yeah yeah the normal ones but why is she calling you “beef” and “charcuterie board”

roommate!ellie was the first person you smoked with and she almost cried because she felt so bad when you greened out

her music taste is so. Bad (comedically, she actually has really good music taste)

“ellie if you play mask by dream one more time i’m going to [TRAIN PASSES BY]”

roommate!ellie (loser) who says “can i put my minecraft bed next to yours” LOSER

roommate!ellie who is So fucking smart but she pretends to not know what’s going on in her classes so you will sit next to her and your upper arm will touch hers as you help her

roommate!ellie who has to be constantly reminded to close her bedroom door at night

“i don’t know if you’re getting laid or watching p*rn but Hey close the door”

(you’re not jealous. why would you be jealous? it’s not like you like ellie or anything so if she’s getting laid why would it matter you don’t-)”

:0

roommate!ellie who worships the ground you walk on

do Not try on a dress or a skirt or a cropped shirt in front of her because she will pass out and d*e

stuttering and shit when you ask about her day (say it with me) (loooserrrr)

roommate!ellie who will Not hang up the phone or say goodbye without saying “love you”

cuz she does :,) she loves you :,)

don’t say “love you too” though because she will overthink it and stress herself out to tears

roommate!ellie who annoys dina so bad with how much she talks about you

“i was talking to y/n and she said” “y/n really likes this show” “y/n said that we should”

“oh my job just fuck already”

ellie’s best friend!dina who will look over you and at ellie and mouth “kiss her!!!”

and you’re clueless obviously

[cookinguptales]

So… last week I made a vent post about an accessibility issue I’d had with some podcasters. I really only meant for the post to be read by my followers (who to my knowledge aren’t familiar with the podcast in question) which is why I put minimal tags on it and didn’t name the show.

But… the post got legs that I wasn’t expecting, and eventually a lot of people asked for the name of the show. I hadn’t intended on creating a whole big thing, so I was kind of reluctant, but I did see the logic in what they were saying — as a disabled woman myself, I would also want to know if I were supporting podcasters whose values did not align with mine. So I told people quietly in the notes that the show had been Old Gods of Appalachia.

Things… did not stay quiet.

Frankly speaking, one of the reasons why I don’t write as many posts about disability and ableism these days is because I got tired of people writing to me and telling me that people like me should be dead. So you can imagine what kind of fucking week I’ve been having since all that blew up. It’s been a very high symptom week, too, so I’m just. Very tired and stressed rn.

Personally, I’d be happy to never talk about it again and try to get back to my everyday life, but I did think it was important to note that the creators of OGOA must have gotten wind of the post, and they did contact me.

I won’t post the whole email here, but it was a good response. Since seeing my post, they’d tried getting in contact with the venue and realized very quickly why I’d been so frustrated. They ended up needing to go through their booking agent to get any kind of answers — so like, to the people who sent me a thousand messages telling me I was an entitled idiot who just needed to contact the venue, please know that none of you were remotely helpful.

Again, I’m not going to post the entire email, but I did think it was important to be fair and use the same platform that I used to vent to tell people that they seem committed to doing better in the future. They told me that they would be making sure that they have all this information going forward and that they would no longer allow it to be such a barrier to entry for disabled fans.

They invited me back to the show and… god, I’ll admit it. I really had to think about my answer. Not to sound ungrateful, but after the week I’ve had, even thinking about the podcast, the podcasters, and that damn live show has me stressed af. I had to really consider whether I even wanted to go.

But in the months since I first contacted them, they added a show that’s a lot closer to where I live, so rather than a weekend trip, I could just take a single bus. And it’s near one of my favorite Japanese restaurants in the city, so if all else fails, I can at least have some good katsudon. So I will be going to the Philadelphia show.

(Though for fellow disabled fans, Terakawa Ramen is not wheelchair accessible. 🙃 Most days I can do the two steps into the restaurant, but not always. Philly, I love and loathe you.)

Anyway, I wanted to reply to them before I made a post here, but… yeah. We’ve worked things out, I think. Only the future can tell what they'll do going forward but they do seem committed to doing better.

To me, there are always two goals when I write about disability and ableism. The first is that disabled people will feel seen. That is always, always my primary goal. It’s so easy for us to feel invisible and unimportant, and I always want to make you all feel seen, just like I want to feel seen. The second is that able-bodied folks will listen and learn and do their best to support their disabled peers in the future.

So… I think that my post managed to fulfill both of those goals. A lot of disabled people have reblogged that post and have talked about their own experiences, and a lot of them have explicitly said how much that post makes them feel seen. And the podcasters in question seem to have really reflected on their actions and seem to want to do better going forward.

So as incredibly fucking stressed out as I’ve been, I guess I can’t regret making the post. It’s always good to know that your words can have impact. The post has long since moved out of my friends circle so I assume it’ll just keep circulating and I’ll keep getting shitty anons and chat messages, but I’m just gonna focus on what good has come from it. I’m hopeful that my post will make life tangibly better for at least a few disabled people, and I’m encouraged by the fact that podcasters who I’d formerly liked do actually seem to want to do the work needed to improve.

And uh I’m not answering any more messages from people who just wanna swear at me. I’m tired. Leave me alone.

[margareturtle]

I haven’t seen this in a fic yet (pls send me links if you have!!) so I’m doing it myself:

How Jeremy+Cat+ Laila find out about the 80% deal (set after the news about Jean’s family has already been released) (pt 1)

The gang is in the kitchen:

Jeremy: Jean, I’m telling coach to bench you for just this one match! You’re sick (or minorly injured). Just take a break and you’ll be back next match!

Jean: No! I’m fine! There are scouts for Court coming to this game!

Jeremy: yes and you’re just getting over the flu (or a twisted ankle idk)! Just take a rest, the Court scouts will be back next year!

Jean: I’m good to play! I need to play! I need to sign to court!

Jeremy: And I’m sure you will be! Kevin was just signed, no one doubts you will be signed as well ! What difference does a year make?

Jean: what difference does a year— I need to prove myself or they’ll think I can’t and— I can play! I will play!

Jeremy: no— I already told the coaches you aren’t playing— they’re in support

Jean: YOU WHAT? *panicking* they’re gonna kill me they’re gonna kill me

Jeremy: *softening* oh Jean it’s ok. You’re with the trojans remember. You’re not at the nest. You’re safe. Riko is dead. Tetsuji is gone. Everyone respects your right to a break. You’re free of the Moriyamas now.

Jean: You insolent fool! I will never be free of the Moriyamas!

Jeremy: ok Jean, I know it may feel like that sometimes. But you are free with us now. There are no more Moriyamas that will hurt you.

Cat: *thinking* well there’s Ichirou

Jeremy: *glares at Cat*

Cat: what? As smart as you are Jere you still haven’t learned to take the things Jean says at face value. He just said “I will never be free of the Moriyamas”

Jeremy: yeah but that’s not— Ichirou is a business man, all he cares about is money and his new fiance!

Laila: yeah but what really is the Moriyama family business? I haven’t really thought about it before but Ichirou looks rich af so it’s gotta be smth good…Jean you must now what it is.

Jean: *doesn’t respond to non questions*

Jeremy: Come on, this isn’t related to why Jean is so freaked out he can’t play today!

Cat: judging by his silence rn it def is! So what is it Jean? What’s the Moriyama business? You must know!

Jean: *stressed* it’s not important

Laila: clearly it is, now you can tell us or I’m happy to start guessing!

Jean: don’t—

Laila: let’s see it’s prob smth shady if you won’t say. Let’s see, do they deal in exotic Animals? Is Ichirou secretly tiger king?

Jean: No?! Just stop!

Laila: Or is it some business offensive to french culture? Oh no Jean, is their business in wine? Do they sell prosecco and call it champagne?

Jean: it’s not—

Laila: Oh or it has smth to do with why you learned so many languages while you were there? They’re secretly in the spy industry training to be spies??

Jean: of course not! Now stop asking I won’t tell you.

Cat: oh jean 😭 way to get us all more intrigued.

Jeremy: yeah let’s return to the topic of—

Laila: *who’s been thinking for a sec* pfft I know *sarcastically* Ichirou is secretly a mob boss too who has been in kahoots with—

Jean: *flinches*

Laila: your dad and neil’s dad which means—

Laila: Wait what the fuck?!! I was joking—I know the Moriyama’s business is just some boring corporate shit! But you just—What the fuck? WHAT THE FUCK!! You only flinch when I land spot on I—

Jean: *lunges for a knife with one hand that Jeremy catches. Lunges for his throat with the other that Cat gets a hold of first*

Laila: holy shit. No way. What. You’re kidding— I can’t. I wAs jOkinG !! Do the foxes know? Kevin must know if you do—

Laila: *picks up Jeremy’s phone he left in the kitchen counter*

Laila: *calling kevin*

(Pt 2 call with kevin coming soon)

[ficklecat]

imma bitch about gender™️ stuff real quick

getting married in the same year I realise I’m not cis is WHACK BRO wtf

like literally I’m going through one of the MOST gendered societal practices that exists while barely understanding my own identity and it’s so fuckin stressful and upsetting and fucking with me way worse than I thought

my fiancé is incredible and so is my best friend but even they aren’t used to it yet and I’m still barely comfortable with correcting anyone about my pronouns because I still have a voice in my head that’s saying none of this is real and I’m just overthinking and/or my illness is skewing how I feel about myself

but every time I have to encounter this whole “omg you’re a blushing bride to be!” I want to VOMIT it gives me such a visceral ICK and I’m so uncomfortable about it but I’m not even “out” to anyone besides a very intimate circle of people (and some people at work that I wanted to ‘test it out’ with who have probably already forgotten)

idfk I’m just in this weird gender limbo rn and I have this big event thing this week to go to to taste stuff and discuss details and it’s just about to be so miserably dysphoric for me

and I’ve never really experienced gender dysphoria in a real or intense way, so this is still new to me and it fucking sucks so much because my own brain isn’t even backing me up and is just telling me “you’re being dramatic just stop trying to be cool and different” even though I know that’s not true

UGH

this is so stupid

just don’t perceive me please I’m begging

[worldswewrite]

I’m glad we’re FINALLY going to couples counseling (that’s on both of us) but I’m like. Ready for the counselor to give me some magical solution that my individual therapy somehow has overlooked. I would really like that snap of the fingers now please.

I am so tired of being anxious about them going on dates and sleeping with people because I’m certain that they’re going to romantically fall in love with someone and I’m going to be abandoned because I’m difficult to be with. This is also making me confront head on all of the unhealthy thought patterns and beliefs I have around sex. And oh my god I’m a terrible person for even having those beliefs. I’m supposed to be all progressive and liberal and polyamorous. And I’m fucking drowning. Jesus Christ. I’m on fire and I’m drowning.

And I think my individual therapist believes I’m only going through all this because it’s the only way I can keep them in my life. And I KNOW that she’s at least partially right. Because if I don’t have them, what do I have? Depression? A negative bank account? Events to go to but no friends to pick me up when I’m stress vomiting on the floor? I’m trying to build a life worth living that isn’t dependent on them. But holy shit is it still dependent on them right now.

I’m so fucking dependent and if I could take an axe to this bond I fucking would. I just want to love them without the obsession please. For the love of god.

I don’t even know how this spiral started! They’re sleeping rn! Alone! (Probably! I think! They would tell me wouldn’t they? But they’d be scared I’d take it poorly, rightfully so, so would they?)

I want to only care about who they take home because I care about their happiness and safety. I don’t want it to be the most threatening thing in the world.

If they leave me, I don’t know if I would survive. So every person they meet that could become a romantic thing feels like a threat to my survival. And I have no idea what to do about that.

I just really hope counseling helps. And the polyamory resources.

They’re just one person! I have bigger issues to deal with that aren’t pining! Ugh. Put me out of my misery.

[starocean]

not to be an asshole or a whiner but i have been stressed and need to rant a little to let it out so please feel free to ignore, it’s just work related stuff

(technically they’re all my coworkers, but i don’t wanna use names so i just refer to them like this)

so, coworker got into an accident and she’ll be out for the next four days. no big deal, i can push my vacation back even if i am the tiniest bit sad i can’t take it rn. i won’t even lie about that. but i’m not at mad at her at all. 

but i am upset that my manager didn’t even offer to let me take next weekend off. she just told me we’d talk about me taking vacation time. and that kind of set me off and i spent like a whole hour crying because i’m just. so tired. i work six days a week. in the last three to four months, i have worked multiple 9 to 13 day “weeks” without a single day off. i rarely ever ask for time off, and what time off i do get is usually interrupted by work for some reason or other, even during vacation. i have an autoimmune disorder that makes me physically weaker than i used to be. just a few days ago, i had to stop doing stock because my shoulders were causing me so much pain i was almost nauseated and fighting back tears.

i’m not like the asm, who bitches and bitches and bitches and bitches when she can’t take time off (who, by the way, spent most of last year trying to get out of work and almost got let go for being a liability bc she kept getting injured at work and filing for worker’s comp. which seems unfair but these injuries were all extremely minor, so minor that a doctor wouldn’t even give her more than a day off work bc it wasn’t necessary, and all happened in less than six months. and when you’re the only one getting injured but your coworkers aren’t and none of the customers are reporting anything hazardous, HR starts getting suspicious. they told her they were going to start investigating her if she reported another injury too soon, and guess what? she stops getting hurt. amazing. she only wanted the worker’s comp bc it would get her more time off work while giving her a paycheck, but that’s not the point. 

and she also had the fuckin’ audacity to lie about my performance to the sm, and yes i am still upset about that bc i’ve actually done way more than the asm has and the sm’s even said so herself, like fuck the asm for real i cannot stand her) 

she’s gotten mad at me before for requesting vacation time before she puts her request in, and even angry at me for getting the rare satuday off bc she thinks she’s the only one who deserves a saturday off, apparently. i don’t get weekend days off much. like 99% of my off-days are during the week. she also acts like she’s the only one to work 9 to 13 days in a row without time off, and she hates being contracted on all of the above. i’ve had to show her our schedules before and go back month by month showing her what days she worked and had off compared to what i did. as you can guess, she was not happy about the physical proof being put in front of her lmao.

(and let me get this off my chest real quick because this one really fuckin pissed me off. this fuckin cunt tried to get me to come in on a day off that i specifically requested and was granted to be able to take care of my mother after her surgery. one of the newbies quit, and she sends me a text saying, “so-and-so quit, i need you come in and work tonight.” and of course i told her sorry ass no, that i had to be there for my mother. not sorry at all, my family and their health takes priority over work, especially since that was scheduled time off approved by the sm. the fucking disregard you have to demand i come in despite knowing i’m watching over my mother’s health. cover the damn shift yourself, asshole.)

the only time i have ever spoken up about not having certain days off is when i’d been given a saturday off and the sm tried to take it from me without even attempting to communicate with me about it. and then she tried to guilt trip me for that by saying she would have to pull a double, and i had to hold myself back from saying something snarky about how it’s literally her job, as per corporate policy, to fill in for an employee who cannot make their scheduled shift if no other employee can cover it. i was also miffed she didn’t even bother asking if i was okay with that. like, she didn’t say shit to me about it. no text message, no phone call, nothing from any other employee. nada. she got the next day off anyways, so idk why she was bitching. maaayybee she should have had the courtesy to, oh i dunno, ask me if i could cover? but she didn’t, so no i don’t feel bad about her pulling that double shift. ANYWAYS, not the point. i mean, sort of.

anyways, kind of tying back into the first part: coworker got hurt, and i volunteered to coworker directly that if she needed me to give up my vacation to cover her shifts, i would. we don’t always get along, but we definitely get along better than the asm and I do. maybe this is petty, atp i don’t really care, but the asm thanked me for volunteering. and i had to fight not to tell her to fuck off, that i wasn’t doing it for her, i was doing it for my coworker. it was the right thing to do, and if coworker had wanted to, she could’ve called it a favor for switching days with me once when i’d gotten too sick to attend work a few months ago. and i knew damn well that the asm wouldn’t give up any of her time off to fill in, bc she’d outright rejected mine and other coworkers’ requests for us to switch shifts when we’d been too sick or hurt to come in, and has often refused to cover shifts for employees who quit. obvious pattern of behavior there.

basically i’m just, like. bummed out. and burned out. i have dedicated so much time to this job with nothing to show. a shitty wage that i can’t even get a raise on bc i’ve apparently “hit the cap” for my position (bunch of fucking bullshit honestly), and my physical and mental health deteriorating by the minute. (which, i know that seems stupid to say after having a possible opportunity to get a different job, but all the research i put into that one (which i should’ve done first. hindsight is 20/20) showed it wouldn’t be much better than my current job. who knows. if i get desperate enough, i may just try my shot with them again.) and little time off. 

i just want decent time off. to just sit at home and relax, and not be bothered by something work related unless it’s an emergency. 

i’ll delete this later

[smol-unis]

Need to rant about my stupid job and system stuff.

So they will only schedule me for 2 hours each day and i only get paid $8/hour. Which is annoying. My schedule is usually 3:30-5:30. And normally I’m able to get out on time. Last week Monday and Friday they kept me till 6 without warning. Like okay whatever. This week my schedule was changed to 5:45 so I went to go leave at 5:45 and my boss was all upset I was still there. Told her that i was scheduled to be and she told me how that’s “only if we need you” like okay then maybe tell me to go home? Like I don’t just leave at 5:15 when I’m scheduled till 5:30 unless they tell me I can so why would I leave 15 mins early. They can’t communicate at all. Few weeks ago I get to work and get told by a coworker that they decided they didn’t want me. No text, no call, no email. Nothing. Like if you want me to stay late that’s fine but TELL ME. If you want me to leave early I’m happy to but TELL ME. I’m not a mind reader. They always get so pissy with me about stuff. This is my first job and it’s not like they explained any of it to me. Just expected me to know exactly what to do with every useless piece of paper they give and every dumb thing they say. What’s even more annoying is when both of my bosses are there and they don’t even try to help when we’re struggling. Like I know they can hear and see us so maybe if there’s 2/3 people you can take 5 seconds to help. Like the few times there were 2/3 other adults in the room and my boss got on me to stop what I was doing and either do more or just ignore kids who wanted to play so I could sit and stare at ones who aren’t behaving. Which btw makes them worse. If I leave them be they realize it’s not getting them attention but if I sit and stare they keep going cuz it’s what they want. In conclusion I’m fucking exhausted, have so much school work to do, have an awful headache, and want to curl in a ball and die there.

Oh and switching and communication have been worse than ever. We’re so stressed and exhausted. Plus since our therapist quit in November we haven’t had anyone to talk to. Things are getting really really bad again and I just can’t do it. 99% of the switches we’re having are S(🗝️)+C(👻) (cohosts). And it’s mostly because A(🌈) (host) is unable to sleep alone due to some other issues. The other 1% (if even that much. Probably not) is mostly J(🏍️), sometimes A(♦️), and even rarer D(💀). Everyone else I(🌈) can’t reach. Being front stuck sucks. Cuz even while 🗝️+👻 are in front most of the time they can still switch out and chill for a bit. But I’m just alone. I can’t get inside and rn it’s near impossible for anyone to get out too. I miss my friends. I wanna help them. I hate not being able to check in. FML

[eurydicees]

Sorry I need to kick down your door to scream “PLATONIC SOULMATES MIYA TWINS!!!” Yes hello I AM HERE!!!

(Your soulmate AU ideas are absolutely fab and…. I am keeeeeen for more!)

oh anon PLEASE kick down my door !!!!! platonic soulmates miya twins fr FR fr !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! a concept i am suddenly and completely VERY passionate abt. just like.....miya twins canon "atsumu's biggest blessing is osamu" "we'll be next to each other on our deathbed" you mean those miya twins???? yeah. yeah. YEAH . they're literally soulmates !!!!!!! people who balance each other out and who make each other stronger and no matter how hard they work one will always catch up to the other.........im biting and kicking and chewing paper rn

i think i am going to commit to this idea for the nano soulmate au because aaaaaaa. miya twins <333333333

anyways hehe so glad u like these au ideas !!!!!! i am so excited abt this. do you want an excerpt from what i wrote today. idk maybe not but youre getting one below the cut anyways.

for context, the likeliness of dreamsharing w/ a soulmate is smth that can be predicted via brain scans and sciencey stuff (i have so many tabs on studies abt dreams open). and then there are dreams vs nightmares, which basically determine if you'll have a positive or negative relationship w ur soulmate. kuroo's parents shared nightmares but tried to have a relationship anyway and that kinda fucked him up </3

this snippet comes right after kuroo confesses that he dreams of kenma! it's the same conversation in which the above soulmate science is explained.

“I’m not stressed about it,” Kuroo says. He finally meets Kenma’s eyes, and somehow he smiles. Kenma doesn’t know how he’s doing it. He reaches out, brushes Kenma’s hair behind his ear. “It’s really fine. I’ve made my peace with my fucked up hippocampus.”  Kenma stares at him, and still words fail to come to him.  “I was seventeen,” Kuroo confesses, still smiling the stupid, wide, fond smile. “It was a few months before you turned sixteen. For a while I waited, I guess, kind of figuring you would complete the connection once your birthday hit. Then I read all these studies on the brain and soulmate connections and nightmares and stuff and I…gave up.”  “Kuro,” Kenma says again, and still doesn’t know how to finish the sentence. Just knows that he has to say something. His hands go to Kuroo’s arms, clenching his sweatshirt tight in his fists, trying to hold onto him in any way that he can.  Kuroo puts his hands over Kenma’s hands, just the lightest touch. “Kenma. Really. It’s okay. I’m not upset about it. You didn’t do anything wrong.”  “Neither did you,” Kenma says, and his voice is hoarser than he thought it would be.  “No,” Kuroo agrees. “I didn’t. Which is why there’s not really a point in being mad about it. I’m happy that we get to be friends. That’s all that matters to me. Soulmates aren’t the only thing that matters in the world. They’re not the only relationship you can have.”

[waglifeornolife]

Ugh I’m so fucking pissed rn

⚠️Highschool drama⚠️

Anyways I there’s this one girl and I was friends with her at one point until she started moving real mad and even went out with this dickhead who was rude to everyone including her. And she completely changed and stuff and started fat shaming my friends who aren’t fat at all and she told everyone that I gave some boy head. Like I would never go near anybody in my school. And so I was gonna confront her on loads of things and I was also gonna expose her boo this week and consider i have had the worst cold ever so I have not been in school since last week and I just started my period so I feel like I’m dying. Like o just want to stop thinking it’s okay for her to do shit like that and that it isn’t funny.

Ugh I just wanna get better and go back to school like I have to tell her to stfu but I also have like really important exams coming up in like February so I need to get in as much school work as I can and I’m trying but ughhh.

So I think cursed me or something idk. But this sucks:(

babe, prioritise your health always. you still have time to catch up on the things you’ve missed without being stressed, when you over stress yourself, you’ll end up not feeling ready for the exam in my experience.

when you go back to school, put her in her place because doing that isn’t okay, but don’t go in there expecting it to all go smoothly because 9/10 it won’t, people like that always have a way of making your exposing not go according to plan. also, you aren’t cursed, being ill and things are normal this time of year if you live in the Northern Hemisphere (for the most part)

sending you hugs babe 🫶🏼

[punkscowardschampions]

Bibi (and co.) Pt.2

Bobby: She’s disgusting

Libi: They deserve each other

Bobby: Jim don’t, none of this

Libi: She’ll be telling him every gory detail

Bobby: What’s the point, he saw, we all fucking did

Libi: The point is, she’s hoping it’ll make her feel better telling him the truth

Bobby: what did he say

Libi: All the ways to tell me to shut up he could think of, all the ways to call me a kid who don’t know nothing

Libi: no sorrys, not even that he loves her

Bobby: She’s the stupid one if she thinks he does

Libi: But

Libi: I think he reckons he does

Bobby: He don’t, girls are just numbers to him

Libi: She’s always been different to those girls though

Bobby: Don’t you fall for it

Libi: From his POV not mine, his idea of what love is not mine

Bobby: She should know better, she has better 

Libi: He said they were over before, said they’ve been for ages

Bobby: reckon that was news to Jim, don’t you think

Libi: It can’t be true, it wouldn’t be news to us if he was right

Bobby: They’re lying because they feel the guilt they should

Bobby: it’s bullshit

Libi: Yeah

Bobby: I don’t know what he’s going to do

Libi: I wish I did 🔮 I’d give you answers this minute if I had them

Bobby: If she begs he’d take her back

Libi: She isn’t gonna beg, she’d rather leave all of us than do that

Bobby: What’s that say about her then

Libi: Don’t please

Bobby: Sorry

Libi: If she goes I have to, if they’re not married then me and Jim aren’t related to each other any more

Bobby: That’s not how it works, he isn’t going to do that

Libi: Drew did as soon as it ended, when’s the last time he bothered with me?

Bobby: Jimmy isn’t like that

Bobby: Drew only wanted Ali really, not you lot

Libi: Why would Jim still want me around reminding him of how it used to be?

Bobby: Nothings even happened yet, she could fix it, you could make her

Libi: He don’t deserve that and neither does she, you said it

Bobby: He can’t be without her

Libi: Do you seriously want me to get her to stay?

Bobby: There’s nothing else we can do

Libi: Okay, I will

Bobby: Alright

Bobby: don’t let on, to either of them though, what you’re saying to her

Libi: I’ve said what I needed to Case and I have no idea of what to say to Jim, it won’t be a problem

Bobby: He wouldn’t speak anyway

Bobby: weren’t last night before

Libi: You’re right

Bobby: now I’m not a kid, he don’t bother

Bobby: like he used to

Libi: I get it, she as good as said last night I don’t need her

Libi: makes sense why now, she was planning to leave me as she wrote it

Bobby: For fuck’s sake

Libi: How could she? 

Libi: why?

Bobby: I don’t even know

Bobby: it’s so messed up

Libi: [when you didn’t bring your inhaler cos you were forcibly ejected from the gaff and you wish you had purely for the comfort of it cos asthma attacks aren’t that sudden but we’re STRESSED and he’d know all of this because whatever she’s doing body language wise rn would have happened before in similar albeit less drama circumstances]

Bobby: [signing this aggressively at Casey which is probably just miming an inhaler honestly like you forgot and she needs it]

Libi: [him just getting her to do breathing exercises or something as aggressively because none of y’all are going back while JJ are mid having their convo and ensuing breakdown lads]

Bobby: [turning back ourself like fine I’ll get it then]

Libi: [Libi having to physically reach out and stop him so Casey can’t and doesn’t like it’s okay even though nothing is]

Libi: I don’t want you to go back

Bobby: This is stupid, it’s my house, you can’t breathe

Libi: It’s their house too and whatever they’re doing I don’t want you there for

Bobby: Fine

Libi: I am, okay? As far as breathing anyway, his fucking suggestion worked, like it or not

Bobby: just leave it then, for a second, please

Libi: [holding a finger up like fine have a sec]

Bobby: [just go sit by yourself for a minute boy]

Libi: [me like not you being left here with Casey and this dog, just fuss Chubby while you try not to blatantly stare at Bobby from afar]

Bobby: [I’m getting angry but you’re meant to be like Jimothy so you just have to go be silent and brood so]

Libi: [him having that anger too but trying to pretend he doesn’t so he’s more like Jimmy than Casey is too real]

Bobby: [super healthy well done guys]

Libi: [oh lads, meanwhile Libi just trying not to cry on Chubby because not doing that in front of you Casey, she’s not drunk yet hun, channel your inner Janis too and don’t sob]

Bobby: [me like good luck dealing with this gal, not fun]

Libi: [just here with these two angry and scared boys that don’t know what the fuck is happening at the JJ gaff rn, but neither do you, eventually though, after he’s actually had some time to chill, more than he asked for]

Libi: Let me in, I don’t care how dark it is in your head 

Libi: [and shining her phone torch at him like a nerd but also it would get his attention probably so fair play]

Bobby: [cover your eyes like ow, don’t blind me]

Bobby: I’m fine, not my missus

Libi: Only one of them’s acting like it, but they’re both your brothers

Bobby: cheers for the reminder 

Libi: You’re allowed to be upset, yeah, there’s your reminder of it

Bobby: There’s no point

Libi: You’re such a lad sometimes

Bobby: It’s not productive, end of

Libi: It doesn’t matter

Bobby: Yeah, it does

Libi: We’re not living in some Orwellian dystopia

Bobby: Kicking off when he’s not the victim is what Casey does, not me

Libi: Standing up for yourself and your family isn’t kicking off, it’s more valid than anything he does

Bobby: What’s to stand up for, nothing, Jim wouldn’t want that

Libi: He gets it wrong too, all the adults fuck up cos they’re only human, same as us 

Bobby: He hasn’t done anything wrong

Libi: Taking her back might be

Bobby: Then don’t help if you think it’s such a bad idea

Libi: I’ve already said I will

Bobby: You’re blatantly on her side so don’t bother

Libi: No I’m not

Bobby: She’s your family, like you said

Libi: Ian’s yours, you’re not on his side

Libi: or Casey’s

Bobby: I can tell

Libi: I wondered about him taking her back being a shitty idea cos I’m on your side, yours and Jim’s, and I don’t want her to hurt either of you a second time if he does

Libi: you’re my family too, you dickhead

Bobby: He loves her, it’s not your decision to make 

Libi: She’s supposed to love him back, not decide to do what she did with Case

Bobby: Then you may as well wish them the best and send them on their way

Libi: If we’re not looking out for him, who is?

Libi: you don’t really want him to be treated like that

Bobby: That’s enough

Libi: Bobby

Bobby: I’m done talking

Libi: I’m not your enemy, I haven’t done anything except be related to her

Bobby: I just don’t want to talk

Libi: Alright

Bobby: [Good times all round, wait ‘til you get back and are not allowed in]

Libi: [not at all awkward getting made to go to mcvickers gaff with this dog and none of your own stuff and you don’t even know how long for]

Bobby: [casually not speaking but you have nowhere else you can go boy]

Libi: [it’s horrible and I hate it, thank god you would have an inhaler there gal cos it’s one of your many places to crash, excuse us just gradually working ourself into an asthma attack casually with this stress trigger, nothing to see here… I’m not letting you have one though girl, use that inhaler like it’s your job so you can be present and look after this boy, even if that’s only giving him his fave foods and putting on his comfort films as well as giving him as much physical comfort as he’ll let you]

Bobby: [sorry there’s so little I can say except going through the motions like it’s our job currently, don’t see that changing in this period when you two are stuck here and don’t know what’s going on]

Libi: [it’s valid sir but it probably does mean we should switch back to a Libi and Janis convo, do you think we should do it when Bobby goes home like where the OG Bobby and Janis one was or before?]

Bobby: [Hmm, like there was plenty of time before we sent him home where Janis was coming and going deciding what to do so we could probably say it’s before if we wanted?]

Libi: [yeah, that’s my thinking cos she was very busy with the jj and jc drama both but as it’s not an IRL convo there are still moments it could fit in, so I’mma say she’s coming at Janis with every single detail of every single jj moment she has filmed recently like look how happy you were I don’t understand, cos blatantly rewatching all the jj content and over-analyzing it all instead of sleeping or whatever, the wedding vid is defs included which upsets me personally, but you what I’m saying, everything and anything cos we all know who her parents are and how much they filmed]

Janis: You’re going to make yourself unwell if you don’t stop

Libi: You’ve already made everyone unwell, don’t act like you care now

Janis: All I care about is all of us coming out of this okay, what do you think I’m doing right now

Libi: I’d rather not think about it, it’s more than likely exactly what you and Casey were doing last time I spoke to you

Janis: No, don’t say shit like that

Libi: Nobody else will, Case’s too loved up and Bobby and Jim aren’t talking at all

Libi: someone has to tell you you’re a fucking liar and a hypocrite

Janis: Go ahead but I’d be lying more if I said it hadn’t crossed my mind before you said it

Libi: I don’t want to hear what’s on your mind, you’re sick in the head for this

Janis: He’s an adult, whatever you rightly think about the cheating

Libi: He wasn’t when he started feeling like this, whatever Bobs said before you made your boyfriend take us on dog walk and he stopped speaking to me

Janis: Newsflash, neither was I, none of us were

Libi: You are now, you’re supposed to be

Libi: and married to his brother

Janis: I know

Janis: supposed tos never stick like they’re meant to, if our family has taught me anything

Libi: So you destroyed it? Tah for teaching me the lesson of who you really are and how little my family means to you

Janis: They’re my family too, Libi

Libi: Not anymore, you’ve lost everything and you’ve taken it from me too

Janis: If that’s what everyone decides

Janis: there’s no reason Jimmy and Bobby won’t still want you around, regardless

Libi: He’s already decided I’m on your side, as if there’s anything I could possibly defend, or I’d ever want to try

Janis: He’s upset too, you have to give him some time, that’s just what they’re like

Libi: Spare me your advice, you were right, I’m smarter than you and I don’t fucking need you, both of which are just as well

Janis: Sure thing

Libi: Yeah, why would you fight for me? You let him just chuck me out and ship me off to nan’s

Janis: You can’t be here, you could go to mum’s, anyone’s

Janis: I don’t have anywhere else but Jimmy needs space, like Bobby but I’m not going to lecture you when you know best and I’m in the position I’m in

Libi: I can’t leave him, or take this dog Case left us with to a house full of cats, chickens and goats

Libi: I’m as stuck as you, the difference is, that’s not my own fault

Janis: Yeah and that’s shit, however shit it is doesn’t mean I can magic up a house for you, Jimmy needs it the most right now, end of

Libi: You did magic up a house for me, then you made it disappear

Janis: It’s temporary

Libi: No it isn’t, whatever happens next, it’s built on sand now

Libi: you said it, we can’t pretend, I know it and that’s why Bobby hates me

Janis: He does not hate you, he doesn’t want to talk about it, it’s different

Libi: He wanted me to make you stay, but I can’t do that when you can’t be trusted, when Jim doesn’t deserve being treated like this and you don’t deserve more chances to hurt him, or Bobs, or me

Janis: Neither of you can make me or Jimmy do anything, it’s our relationship

Libi: Your relationship is over and all he can do is shoot the messenger

Janis: That isn’t how it works when you have ties, as an adult

Janis: he isn’t just some random boy from school I never have to see again

Libi: Don’t patronise me, sleeping with his brother is a decently final way to sever those ties

Janis: Well I’m sorry but you clearly don’t see the whole picture here and I’m not going to wallow in self-pity in the hopes it cheers you up, it won’t, I can’t do that for you, we’re both aware

Libi: It isn’t about me

Janis: Not entirely, or even mainly, no

Janis: it’s affected all of us, still, I’m not saying otherwise

Libi: Bobby has nowhere else to go when all he wants is to get away from me, that’s the picture I’m staring at right now

Janis: You could leave, you singular 

Janis: he’ll be safe, as will the dog

Libi: I’ll be abandoning him, like his mum, like Ian and like you

Janis: It’s not the same

Libi: It’d feel the same to him

Libi: and if he wanted to talk, how could he? 

Janis: I don’t think it would, I think you don’t want to leave

Janis: He has a phone, so do you

Libi: Maybe I’m as selfish as you and I only care about myself, right?

Janis: It’s understandable but you aren’t going to break through until he’s ready

Libi: Putting an even bigger distance between us isn’t going to solve anything, it never did for you

Janis: Alright, good luck then

Libi: That’s like a first day of school goodbye thing to say, it doesn’t work here

Janis: What I can say to help is minimal, we’ve agreed on that, so if you’re gonna disregard what I do then, what else?

Libi: I don’t know, it isn’t my place to tell you how to help me

Janis: When I know more, I can tell you but there isn’t anything that points to you going back yet

Libi: I’m not in any rush to go back to the scene of your crimes and have to face them as though they’re mine cos we’re unfortunately related

Janis: You aren’t being asked to answer for anything

Libi: I am, that’s what he is asking 

Janis: When he can talk to Jimmy, he’ll set him straight, that isn’t his to ask for

Libi: Someone to blame who is actually going to stick around isn’t much to ask for anyway, I don’t care, I love him, I’ll do it

Janis: I’m sure you’ll get the thanks you’re after, in the end

Libi: Who can be sure of anything after this?

Janis: People break up, all the time

Libi: You judged everyone in our family for every mistake they ever made, like I said, you’re a hypocrite

Janis: No ones stopping you

Janis: and I’m not stopping you from making the same mistakes I did, or any of us, you can’t learn that shit second-hand

Libi: There’s no need to bother framing it as something you did all for me, you weren’t thinking about me at all, you still aren’t

Janis: Of course I wasn’t thinking about you, what a ridiculous thing to say

Janis: my entire reason for being doesn’t revolve around you, or Jimmy or anyone else

Libi: Then don’t open with the massive lie of caring if any of us are okay in the end, you did what you wanted, fuck the consequences for anybody

Janis: Yeah, you give up all personhood to make him happy, see if it works, see if you get fuck all out of it in the end

Janis: because Jimmy was no happier before this, just so we’re all clear

Libi: And Casey was only happy when he got an orgasm out of it, so forgive me if that’s not something I wanna attempt next

Janis: Then I’ll just bin him off too, it isn’t the point and you aren’t going to shock me with pointed references, I know what happened, we’re all adult enough to comprehend that much, even you two

Libi: What happened was disgusting

Libi: *you are

Janis: Alright

Libi: You should be shocked by your own behaviour, that’s the point

Libi: you haven’t even said sorry, neither did he

Janis: I’ll apologise for what I’ve done wrong, and how its affected you, I’m not apologising for things I don’t need to

Libi: Alright, say it, you’re still not telling me you’re sorry

Janis: *I apologise for what I’ve done wrong, and how its affected you

Libi: Just

Janis: I am doing everything I can right now to make sure Jimmy is okay, that’s my priority and really the only thing I can think about properly

Libi: I’m doing everything I can right now to make sure *Bobby is okay, that’s my priority and really the only thing I can think about properly

Janis: Yeah, I know

Libi: But you tried to make me feel bad for it

Janis: Not for caring, just suggesting other ways of going about it, if it’s not working 

Libi: I already feel stupid, I already don’t trust myself or in anything

Janis: You haven’t upset him, it was me and what’s happened between me and Jimmy, you can’t fix that

Janis: we’ll talk to him, make him understand

Libi: He doesn’t want to talk to you, or understand anything from your POV

Janis: Jimmy doesn’t know the answers himself yet, Bobby has to give him time and so do you

Libi: It didn’t matter before who was related to who, why did you have to make it matter?

Janis: Yes, it did

Libi: We were just a family, all of us

Janis: You don’t believe that any more than the rest of us, not for ages

Janis: even when you were little kids you thought he was your boyfriend, not your brother

Libi: I was a little kid, I was copying you, I wanted to be like you

Janis: He’s not your brother, we’re not a family, beyond how we literally are

Libi: If I’m play acting, you created the game for me

Janis: You were a little kid

Libi: You made us a family, you taught me that’s what we were

Janis: I was a kid, I had no right

Libi: This has been my entire life, what am I supposed to do now that you want a new one?

Janis: I have no idea what my life is going to look like

Janis: I know doubling down on what I picked at 16 wasn’t the right idea either

Libi: Are you picking him?

Janis: Not if they’ll forgive him, that’s what I want, because they are an actual fucking family

Libi: Bob won’t and if Jim does it’ll be cos that’s what you want

Janis: They need each other, I’ll be fine on my own

Libi: You’ve never been fine on your own, you don’t fool me

Libi: nobody is, or can be, we all need someone

Janis: I’m aware of the consequences of my actions, contrary to what you reckoned

Libi: I can’t stop loving you, even as a consequence of your actions

Libi: I wish I could

Janis: I’ve done it before and I can do it again

Libi: No, I’m not 4, I’m not letting you

Janis: It's your wish

Libi: I’m aware how spoiled I am but don’t

Janis: We’ll take your lead

Libi: It isn’t comforting when I have no idea where I’m going

Janis: No, it ain’t

Janis: I’ll become as invisible as people need, that’s the plan, as much as there is one

Libi: I don’t need another invisible mum watching over me

Janis: Noted

Libi: You’ll get haunted by her if you try and leave me and she’s busy enough with Drew as it is

Janis: She’s probably been waiting ‘til I fucked up this bad, air all her grievances at once

Libi: Yeah, it’ll give me a chance to catch my breath

Janis: I’ve heard you

Janis: not that you needed to say it for my benefit, I already knew what you’d say before you did

Libi: You reckon you know loads for someone who just fucked up this bad

Janis: It had to happen, and would’ve

Janis: I could have handled it better, we all could’ve

Libi: It didn’t have to, you’re only saying it to make yourself feel better cos it has

Janis: Trust, it doesn’t make me feel better at all that it came to this

Libi: *trying to 

Libi: It didn’t need to come to this

Janis: That isn’t how it felt

Janis: guess we’ll never know

Libi: I know she wanted me to have a brother, the happiest family possible, full of love

Libi: and I know I did

Janis: They aren’t going to shut you out

Janis: If that’s what you want it to be

Libi: It won’t be the same

Janis: It wasn’t already, it’ll change again, yeah

Libi: I can’t be an optimist about that sort of change

Janis: We can’t go back, no matter how much you may want to, you of all people know that better than most

Libi: I don’t want to be one of those people right now

Janis: Unfair, ain’t it

Libi: What do I have to give him if I can’t promise it’ll get better?

Janis: It will he can’t just expect magical solutions though, work has to be put in by all of us

Libi: It bloody won’t! And who would start talking to me again just to hear me say there’s no light at the end of the tunnel, there’s only more and more dark tunnel ‘til there’s none left

Libi: sounds like a student film made on a shoestring and at the very last minute before a deadline

Janis: If you two were happy before then you can be again because none of us were

Libi: Delude ourselves is the worst advice yet

Janis: then you need to accept the fact we were all miserable

Libi: Accept the fact I thought I was happy before you made a lie out of that

Janis: I’m sure you were, you weren’t in a failed marriage

Libi: No, I was in another sham family

Janis: Yeah, it happens

Libi: It keeps happening to me, if I’m such a jinx I probably should come with you

Janis: Our family is cursed, has been from the start

Janis: but you say that like I have anywhere to go

Libi: You have the same places I do, even though they are all cursed

Janis: Nah, I can’t do that

Libi: Why?

Janis: Because I’m 24, not 14

Libi: Your mum is always your mum, and yours isn’t dead, you could let her help you

Janis: This isn’t a school project, there’s nothing for her to help with

Libi: There’s a roof over your head, if nothing else

Janis: I can do that for myself, it’s okay

Libi: Self imposed exile isn’t okay

Janis: I’d rather deal with this with the people involved than get everyone in to comment

Libi: She wouldn’t comment, you’ve met her

Janis: Yeah she would, I don’t want to talk to her about my feelings, thanks

Libi: So talk to me, I’m involved

Janis: I think that’s probably one of those things you only want in theory, like

Libi: You were the one who said I need to accept how things are, tell me how they are

Janis: As much as I can, alright

Janis: Jim is in shock, we’re taking it in turns to look after him, he’s okay as in you don’t need to worry but obviously it was never going to be a good time

Libi: None of that is about how you feel or why you did it

Janis: like I said, I want them to talk and work things out but I know that’s a big ask full stop never mind now

Janis: and you know why I did it, surely

Libi: But if you can’t and won’t say it to me, how are any of us getting anywhere?

Janis: I’m not trying to shove anything in your face when I know you’re not going to like it

Libi: The visuals have been, before I was shoved out the door

Janis: Yeah, it wasn’t great

Libi: One of us is meant to have out of control hormones, and newsflash, it isn’t you

Janis: You’ve been lied to if someone’s told you that it gets better

Janis: it’s not just hormonal, sorry to report

Libi: You understand my meaning, you didn’t have to be so…

Libi: rabid about it

Janis: Rabid?

Libi: I don’t know, it was unnecessarily animalistic 

Janis: you say it as if it was done with an audience in mind

Janis: if I’d have had a scarf going spare I would have hidden that from you, obviously

Libi: Well, you’d have both needed burkas

Janis: Try not to be funny when I know it’s no laughing matter

Libi: No, it’s not surprising Jim and Bobs are in shock

Janis: Alright I’ll invest in a burka or a red A, whatever you want

Libi: It’s too late to make a new first entrance back

Janis: If it embarrassed you, don’t you think I am?

Libi: It repulsed me

Libi: I’ve never been ashamed of you in my entire life before

Janis: God, I used to sleep with him too, you know

Libi: Yeah, so admit you have at least some of the same feelings

Janis: For it being cheating, yeah, I’ve told you

Libi: Bobby wants to write you off as stupid, or a slag, and I know you aren’t either

Janis: He needs to be angry, it’s as true as matters

Libi: It matters to me what’s properly true

Janis: It’s a moral judgment, that’s personal, I can’t decide it for you

Libi: You could decide to be with me as someone who doesn’t shut down every conversation, if you wanted

Janis: I don’t need you to think I’m not a stupid slag, if that’s what you think, then it is

Janis: You might feel different when you’re older and have your own experience or you might still feel the same

Libi: It isn’t what I think, he wouldn’t be angry at me if I agreed with him

Janis: It grosses him out, as well as all the actual emotional hurt

Janis: he’d rather not have to think about any of it but he doesn’t have a choice 

Libi: I can’t get through to him

Janis: just because he thinks it about me, doesn’t mean he does all girls in general

Janis: people are allowed to be hypocrites to cope

Libi: He’s not allowed to shut me out to cope, not for this long, I hate it

Janis: I know you do

Janis: if I could make any difference and make him open up

Libi: I can’t sleep or eat or breathe

Janis: you know I feel awful for this, don’t you

Janis: I could go talk to Drew for old time’s sake, get you some sleeping pills

Libi: I’m not dying to be my mum and dad’s problem again instead of yours, even if they would give better advice than you

Janis: Probably

Libi: It’s already impossible to catch my breath, sleeping pills would definitely make me flatline

Janis: I wasn’t being serious, honest

Libi: You weren’t being funny either

Janis: Is it worth you going to the Doctors, or do you just have to manage the stress as best you can?

Libi: When is it ever worth going to the doctors? They baby me more than you and nan put together

Janis: I don’t know, I’m not the world’s leading Asthma expert

Janis: surely if you’re experiencing more attacks, you can have more medicine?

Libi: Worry about getting Jimmy to the doctors, that’s your priority

Janis: Yeah, because that’s going to happen

Libi: A visit to Drew is sounding less like a joke and more like something you’re seriously considering, isn’t it? 

Janis: He doesn’t need any help sleeping

Libi: I’m not the leading expert on drug dealers but I think it’s safe to assume even the semi-retired ones hold onto more than a single type of pill

Janis: I’d rather he got therapy than someone else’s prescription 

Libi: Is that going to happen though?

Janis: Definitely not in a position to force him, even if it was a pact to both go, can’t really see it ‘til the air is clearer

Libi: At least you’re in a position to force Casey to go, just do whichever one is his favourite

Janis: You *aren’t being funny either

Libi: Laughing isn’t the reaction either of us would have if you followed through on it

Janis: I’m not going to start telling you about my sex life, it’s no more appropriate just because you’re not a total baby now

Libi: I’m glad we’re stopping at you showing me all about it

Janis: I should’ve stayed away, ‘til the bruises healed, yeah

Libi: I wouldn’t have made you promise to come back that soon if I’d known

Janis: Aside from horrifying you two, I wasn’t trying to hide anything from Jimmy so, I was always going to come back then

Libi: That’s something

Janis: It shouldn’t have happened before officially ending things but it was the one event

Libi: You thought Casey might end up going to prison too, didn’t you?

Janis: Yes

Janis: we tried to let each other go, never be around each other for long, not alone

Libi: But then you thought you’d actually lose him

Janis: yep

Libi: I hate that I understand but

Janis: I basically made him be with her so it was my fault as well, the trouble he was in

Libi: What a fucking mess

Janis: and the rest

Libi: Still, I have the most questions about the dog

Janis: He missed Twix, it was an emotionally compromised time

Janis: and who doesn’t like having a dog around

Libi: I miss Twix too, now more than ever

Janis: And Shark

Libi: Being a teenager is so shit, I don’t want to

Janis: I don’t want you to either

Libi: I just want my mum, I just want things to make sense

Janis: Is Bobby awake? Or nan or granddad?

Libi: Nope, it’s me and Chubby against the world

Janis: He’s not quite hypoallergenic but he does give good hugs if you keep your inhaler on standby 

Libi: [photo or vid evidence of this happening rn like yeah I know cos animals always know when you’re upset]

Janis: Good boy

Libi: I wish I had some idea if I’ll ever see him again after this

Janis: Of course you will, he isn’t being exiled for anything

Libi: He’s Casey’s, he’s as good as exiled from my life after manhandling me into a park against my will

Janis: I was talking about the dog

Janis: if you’d have stayed, you would’ve been traumatized, it was for your own good

Libi: So was I, the dog’s not ours

Janis: I’m pretty sure he’ll let you see it without demanding conversation

Libi: You weren’t there for our last conversation

Janis: I’m sure you said your piece

Libi: I’m not 100% sure what I said

Libi: everything… nothing? It didn’t do anything anyway

Janis: Don’t worry, he knows his role in this without the rundown

Libi: I envy him that much, I’d love to know mine

Janis: You wouldn’t wanna be him

Libi: I want to be me again

Janis: You’re just a teenager, you’re in there somewhere

Libi: If it was that simple you’d have nothing to beat yourself up over

Janis: I was wrong for hurting you all, not for what I felt

Libi: As a mixed up teen I’ve managed to work that out

Janis: I love him, even if I don’t ever get to be with him

Janis: and I still love Jimmy, even if we can’t be together any longer

Libi: I know, even if Bobby doesn’t 

Janis: Boys get to be kids longer

Libi: I’d let him be forever if I could

Janis: You aren’t his mother either, don’t forget that

Libi: That label would stick though, at least

Libi: I don’t know what I am to him now that everybody else are breaking apart

Janis: It’s not as sure as all that

Janis: his real one left him

Libi: Mine left me, they’re still our mothers

Janis: We all know it’s more than probable his chose to 

Libi: We’ll never know what choices were hers to make and which ones she made cos she didn’t have another

Janis: I’m just saying, maybe he doesn’t want the backstory, the fairytale

Janis: Some people’s mothers aren’t worth the title

Libi: I hear you, I’m just saying, what am I worth if he wants to forget our backstory cos it wasn’t a fairytale how he reckoned it was?

Janis: You aren’t a story, acting like it isn’t a good idea, not long term

Libi: I’m memories that are tainted, maybe it isn’t a good idea for him to keep me around

Janis: You let him decide, you can’t tell him or make his mind up for him, not tonight but not ever

Libi: Obviously

Janis: There’s nothing you can do but be patient with him

Libi: Right, I’m trying to be

Janis: It isn’t going to be easy

Janis: but if you care, which you do, then you have to

Libi: Easy is in the past

Janis: It never was

Libi: You could lie, for once, pretend that’s easy for you and comforting for me

Janis: You wouldn’t be this upset now if we hadn’t lied to you before

Libi: You had the truth all along and you’re upset, you, Jim and Case

Janis: Alright, true, this is shit regardless

Libi: But yeah, you should’ve said

Libi: I hate you almost as much for keeping that a secret from the start as I do how blatantly unsecretive you were by the end

Janis: I couldn’t have got further away without a plane ticket

Janis: but you can hate me for it anyway

Libi: I fucking can’t, it’s the worst part of all 

Janis: I know how it feels, twofold

Libi: He needs me to hate you and I always said I’d do anything

Janis: Just lie by omission 

Libi: There’s been too much lying, you weren’t wrong

Janis: Then he’ll have to get over it 

Libi: Or we’ll let it ruin us and we’ll be just like you and Jim

Libi: the ultimate be careful what you wish for moment

Janis: Cheers

Libi: Getting a drink couldn’t be much easier, there’s that

Libi: cheers to granddad, like

Janis: That not a trigger, no

Libi: Chubby’s asleep now, I couldn’t escape if I wanted

Janis: I’d do the same if I could so 

Libi: Somebody has to break at least one cycle in this family, since you didn’t, I’ll have to give it a go

Janis: Exactly the takeaway point, mhmm

Libi: When will I see you? Where will I?

Janis: When do you want to?

Libi: Now, but we can’t

Janis: It is a bit late

Janis: I’m sure they’re concerned enough with this impromptu dumping upon, no offense 

Libi: So when?

Janis: Tomorrow is fine, Casey can stay with Jimmy

Libi: Except it’s not, either I’m sneaking ‘round behind Bob’s back like a cheater myself or telling him to his face I don’t care what he thinks and how he feels

Janis: If you can’t do it then I don’t blame you

Libi: I feel sick

Janis: Give yourself time to think too

Janis: it doesn’t serve anyone being rash

Libi: All I’ve got is time to think

Janis: You’ll be thankful you did

Libi: Thankful might be a bit strong, and Americanised 

Janis: It’s all you’ve got so take it 

Libi: Okay

Janis: If and when you want to see me, unless it meant I had to leave Jimmy alone for some reason, I’ll come see you, alright

Libi: Alright

Libi: and I’m sorry you haven’t been happy for almost my entire life

Janis: it wasn’t that dire

Janis: We had good times

Janis: but it’s had now

Libi: Yeah, past tense, I get it

Janis: We could’ve done something about it before now

Janis: but for a while, it was right and what we wanted

Libi: Do you still want me around?

Janis: Jesus, Libi, of course I do

Janis: that’s non-negotiable 

Libi: It isn’t, you’re not my mum either

Janis: No but you aren’t part of the last decade that’s now a problem

Libi: It’s hard to accept that as a reality when the truth is everyone was miserable and I couldn’t tell

Janis: You and Bobby weren’t, you were kids, kids are allowed to be selfish and oblivious, that’s basically all childhood is

Libi: Meaning you weren’t allowed a childhood cos of me

Janis: it is not your fault I can’t trust my mother, never mind fucking Drew

Libi: I take it all back, you should do what you want now I’m not a child, be the selfish one

Janis: I’ll keep it in mind, Libs

Libi: Good, I don’t hate you, I hate me for what I did to your life

Janis: Don’t say that

Janis: Your parents died first, that’s the ultimate unfairness, whatever happened after

Libi: You knew her longer than me, everyone did, I don’t get to claim the most hard done by points, she died for you too and then I came along to make you live a life with me in the centre of it, that’s what’s unfair

Janis: You were a baby, a puny little one at that, you couldn’t make me do anything

Janis: I chose you and I still choose you

Libi: *the lack of other appropriate role models made you

Libi: and love, which is fucking up your life again exactly the same

Janis: You said yourself, you’ve got plenty of places to be, that none of them are that bad, only how I told it to myself and to you

Libi: But is that real or is it another lie? 

Janis: It’s as real or fake as you need it to be, you get to decide now

Libi: No I don’t, I’m 14, if I decide everywhere is actually bad I still have to be somewhere

Janis: yeah

Libi: Yeah, like I said, being a teenager is so shit and I refuse

Janis: You’ve been one for a while now, try and opt out as much as you can

Libi: It’s a deal

Janis: One less thing to worry about

Libi: [an adorable pic of Chubby sleeping as if we can and are remotely able to look on the bright side about anything atm]

Janis: He’s cute, ain’t he

Libi: He’s a baby, most of them are cute

Janis: God willing

Libi: Unless they’re me and can’t wait to get out

Janis: What were you thinking, like

Libi: I wanted to meet her, who wouldn’t?

Janis: ‘course, fashionably late weren’t gonna cut it

Libi: Not with only [when you’ve counted exactly how much time you had with your mum, I’m fine] together

Janis: Exactly

Libi: She understood how important proper love is, you know the sort of thing she’d say if she was here to tell you instead of me

Janis: I hope so

Janis: never sure, if I’m doing her justice

Libi: Me either, I used to be surer, more sure than I was of anything else

Janis: She left you what she wanted you to know, you’ll always have that

Libi: She left me what she had time to, it was never going to be enough to last my whole life

Janis: If she was here, you’d have stopped needing it when you started remembering things yourself

Libi: But she isn’t, and one day I’ll be older than her, and there’s so much I can’t tell her and so much I don’t know

Janis: I know, it was a pointless fucking unfair accident and I’m already older than her

Libi: I don’t want to do things she didn’t get to do

Janis: You’ll end up doing them without realising 

Janis: but there isn’t much she didn’t do, in fairness, that she wanted to

Janis: she always did

Libi: You heard me, do what you want

Libi: promise, okay?

Janis: Alright

Libi: Including telling me to shut up and get to bed, if you like

Janis: It’s not that, there’s something else to tell you, I had to talk to Jimmy first, it wasn’t intentionally keeping it back

Libi: You’re not sick, are you? You’re not going to die?

Janis: No

Janis: I’m not dying, no

Libi: It would make sense of your self destructive behaviour but I’m happy to hear you’re not

Janis: I told you we were trying to move on, properly, yeah, not let this happen

Janis: so, when I was with Jimmy, trying again, I came off the pill

Libi: No, I don’t want to hear this…

Janis: No more lies

Libi: Not you bringing a baby into a family that’s already messed up, not you too

Janis: It’s happening, I can’t get rid of it, I made it happen

Libi: After everything

Libi: What’s wrong with you?

Janis: You don’t get it, you can’t until there’s one inside you

Libi: I sincerely hope, with all my heart, that I don’t ever have to get it, that I never turn into you

Janis: Me too

Libi: I have to go, I can’t

Janis: [Let her go girl, you had to say it but]

Libi: [big yikes, if you think this is the worst it can get hun wait until Bobby is having a baby too]

Janis: [honey, you’ve got a big storm coming, thank God that news is still like 9 months away at this point lol]

Libi: [god, she’s already gonna go feral as is, you’re welcome it’s not immediate everyone]