#the ones that aren’t are really really stressing me the fuck out rn and I truly hate it

[main-character-moment]

Everything bad is happening and no one is making it any easier

[thatsouthernstate]

July 18-19, 2023

If I keep holdin' out

Will the light shine through?

Under this broken roof

It's only rain that I feel

I've been wishing out the days

Oh, oh, oh, come back

I have been planning out

All that I'd say to you

Since you slipped away

Know that I still remain true

I've been wishing out the days

Please say, that if you hadn'ta gone now

I wouldn't have lost you another way

From wherever you are

Oh, oh, come back

And these days, they linger on

And in the night, I been waitin' for

The real possibility that I may meet you in my dreams

I go to sleep

If I don't fall apart

Will my memories stay clear?

So you had to go

And I had to remain here

But the strangest thing today

So far away and yet you feel so close

And I'm not gonna question it any other way

There must be an open door for you

To come back

And the days, they linger on

And every night, what I'm waitin' for

Is the real possibility I may meet you in my dream

Sometimes you're there and you're talking back to me

Come the morning, I could swear that you're next to me

And it's okay

It's okay

It’s okay

I'll be here, come back, come back

I'll be here, come back, come back

I'll be here, come back, come back

[coichii]

22:43 - HYUNJIN

pairing - nerd!bf!hyunjin ♥︎ fem!reader

genre: angst, comfort & college AU

word count: 0.7k

warnings: negative self talk & swearing like once

A/N : this is very self indulgent bc 2 weeks in and math is already eating my ass ! also I’m sorry if this sounds rushed 🙏🏾 like I said math is beating me rn

“Ok, then after that you carry the x and combine the common factors.” He says, but to be honest, it all sounds like gibberish to you.

Math is the hardest subject to master in your eyes. All those formulas and variables go in one ear and out the other.

Hyunjin, being the incredibly smart and sweet boyfriend he is, kindly offered to help you. Of course you gladly accepted his help, but it would be a lie say you weren’t 5 seconds away from crying.

You groan, throwing your head down on your hands. You couldn’t understand a thing. The feeling of inferiority and stupidity were wracking your brain.

“Im so stupid, why can’t I understand this.” and more self deprecating thoughts were going through your mind. You hadn’t even realized that you had started crying, or that hyunjin was trying to get your attention.

“Y/n, what’s wrong?!” You hear his voice cut through your thoughts. He looks at you, obviously panicked from your sudden outburst. “I- I don’t know, i’m just s-so-“ You can't finish before a fresh set of tears and choked sobs are coming from your body.

Immediately he’s moving to hold you in his arms, stroking your lower back as you continue to cry. Quiet praises and hushes come out of his mouth, small kisses being placed to either side of your face.

It takes you a while to get yourself together again, choked sobs turning into small hiccups. You look up at hyunjin, a small, warm smile plastered on his lips.

“Can you tell me what happened, my love?” His voice sounds gentle, slighting healing the current tears in your heart. “I don’t k-know i think I got a little frustrated” You lie. You didn’t want to tell everything about how you were feeling to him.

It’s not that you didn’t trust him, you just didn’t want to be so vulnerable. However, he obviously caught this.

“You’re more than a little frustrated. Tell me what’s wrong so I can help you baby, that’s all I want to do for you.” The way he says it and looks, has all your walls opening immediately.

“I’ve just been so stressed. I can’t keep up hyune i can’t. I can’t stop myself from comparing me to my classmates. They’re so much better than i am. They don’t cry under the littlest bit of pressure, and they certainly aren’t crying over fucking calculous. I just.. don’t know what to do anymore.” You trail off at the end, heat rushing to your cheeks in embarrassment, even more so from his lack of response. You’re about to apologize for ranting before his voice cuts yours off.

“Oh Y/n, i wish you could see your self through my eyes.” He starts, eyes warm. “You really don’t know how absolutely intelligent you are. You got into this amazing school, your writing is so beautiful it brings me to tears, the way you explain your work is so incredible, and so much more. You are the smartest person I know baby, don’t compare yourself to anyone else you hear me. Not understanding something doesn’t and will never ever make you dumb.”

All you can do is hug and kiss him. The thoughts of inferiority don’t disappear, but they are definitely drowned out by the love of your life’s words.

You pull away, flashing him a bright smile, which he gladly reciprocates. “Now, why don’t you say we take a break and watch some spirited away, hmm?”

“But love, we still have all this left to finish.” You frown. You don’t want to pull him away from his own work just for you. “It’s okay, I honestly think I could use the break too.”

You sigh as you agree, his puppy eyes he starting staring at you becoming to much to handle.

As you get up, packing away your belongings, you can’t help but to think just how lucky you got to have a boyfriend as smart, loving, and caring as him.

back to masterlist…

[whyse7vn]

BABY FEVER -

[ ot7 x reader ]

TAEHYUNG -

tae: have my cubs

y/n: STOP TALKING TO ME NOW

tae: i want 8

y/n: i’ve actually never been so srs in my life

let’s break up

like fr

i’m over this relationship i’m over you

tae: i can settle for 5 if it’s too much

y/n: let’s settle for a break up

tae: our little family 🥺

y/n: i would rather shoot myself

tae: why?

y/n: WHY?

are you really asking my why rn?

tae: yeah??

y/n: “have my cubs”

tae: i can’t get pregnant what is wrong with you

someone didn’t go to school 😭😭

y/n: who in their right mind says shit like that

tae: me??

y/n: stop talking to me

tae: babe

i’m being for real

y/n: i know

and i’m scared

tae: don’t be scared

i’ll protect you

and the kids

real alpha i am

y/n: stop

tae: are you getting emotional?

omg are you pregnant rn?????

hormones and that stuff?

is that what you wanted to say this whole time??

were you trying to hide it from me??

ur so cute >.<

y/n: i’m blocking you now

tae: we are gonna get through this together

do you think we need a bigger house?

y/n: genuinely are you ok in the head?

tae: ofc wtf??

i know ur not because of the pregnancy

but it’s okay

you don’t need to stress at all

i’ll think for the both of us

the love of ur life taetae be the sane one for the next 6 months

y/n: there is so much to unpack there

tae: omg have you been clothes shopping without me >.<

y/n: i am perfectly fine

you and sane don’t belong in the same sentence

never call yourself taetae again

and it’s 9 months not 6 you fucking idiot

tae: what is ur actual problem??

don’t swear around my child you’ll poison their mind

and i think i know more about babies than you do so just leave everything to me ok?

y/n: again i would rather shoot myself

tae: if you die i’ll protect the baby

y/n: there is no baby

tae: are you not ready to be a mother or something?

i swear we can do this babe

y/n: are you actually listening to me??

tae: ofc i am??

y/n: …

tae: i’m omw home btw can’t wait to see you both!!!!!!!

y/n: it’s like you only take in the information you want to hear

tae: i love you too

y/n: or maybe you just can’t read

tae: <333333333

YOONGI -

yoongi: no

y/n: i don’t like when you read my mind like that

yoongi: no

y/n: i’m gonna ask anyways

yoongi: no

y/n: let’s have a baby 😁🙏🏽

yoongi: no

y/n: if we don’t have a baby now ur gonna be an old dad

ur gonna die before our baby turns 10

we don’t want that do we?

think of all the precious memories you’ll miss

yoongi: i’m fine with that

y/n: are you really?

yoongi: …

no

y/n: let’s have a baby rn

yoongi: but that’s so much work

y/n: #inittogether

our little baby made out of our love for each other

isn’t that sososoos cute yoongi 🥺

yoongi: i guess

y/n: so we’re having a baby?

yoongi: go away

y/n: ur not saying no

i’m taking this as a yes

i continue to win in this life

yoongi: what if you die before me

and i’m left with a baby?

y/n: the old thing really got to you huh?

yoongi: no i’m just saying you might die first

y/n: there is no way i’m dying first

ur literally 30

yoongi: and???

y/n: like jin is ur age mate that’s saying aLOT

yoongi: ur pissing me off

y/n: okay old bitch

yoongi: you expect me to have children with you after you bully me??

y/n: pls put me in ur will

i’m in jin’s yk?

yoongi: why are you in jin’s will?

y/n: why? mad ur not?

yoongi: how do you know i’m not

in his will?

matter of fact why tf does he have a will??

y/n: aren’t you an inquisitive one

yoongi: saying big words doesn’t make you look smart

y/n: jin knows it’s almost his time

you better start writing yours

yoongi: leaving everything to holly

y/n: i’ll literally cook holly

yoongi: what is wrong with you

y/n: i am not with child rn

that’s what’s wrong

yoongi: that sounded gross

never say that again

y/n: i’ve come to the conclusion that ur my biggest enemy

yoongi: i’m glad you know

y/n: ur dying

yoongi: ur next

y/n: don’t ever say that

i’m literally in my prime

yoongi: ur prime?

couldn’t tell

y/n: find someone else to carry your children

i can no longer stand the idea of mini yous running around

yoongi: ok :(

y/n: ??

don’t frown at me

you brought this on urself

yoongi: 😔

y/n: you bitch

yoongi: come make a baby with me 😄

NAMJOON -

y/n: let’s have a child

namjoon: ok

y/n: i lied

namjoon: oh

y/n: what is wrong with you

namjoon: what is wrong with you?

y/n: did adding a question mark make you feel better bitch??

namjoon: very

y/n: this is why i lie to you

namjoon: that’s not nice

y/n: ur literally a nasty little gaslighter

namjoon: i’m not?

y/n: you are?

namjoon: if anything ur the gaslighter

y/n: fake claims i’ll sue

namjoon: you tell me you want to have children and then you tell me ur lying or you never said that

y/n: what is ur actual issue i’ve never said i want kids??

if you want kids ig we can talk about it but i’ve literally never brought that up

namjoon: see?

y/n: i see very clearly actually 20/20 vision the eye people told me

namjoon: you wear glasses?

y/n: occasionally

like what is ur issue?

ur so obsessed with me it’s not right

namjoon: ig i’m a little obsessed

y/n: it’s really not right

wait…

don’t you fucking wear glasses

what is ur issue four eyes???

namjoon: i do

i’ve never claimed to have 20/20 vision

y/n: ur blind as hell

namjoon: maybe i don’t want to have kids with you

they fr won’t be able to see anything

y/n: HOW DARE YOU SAY YOI DONT WANT KIDS WITH ME

YOURE SICK IN TBE HEAD

namjoon: put ur glasses on

ur spelling stuff wrong

y/n: it’s my charm

namjoon: not wearing ur glasses?

y/n: we need to go on a break

namjoon: how can we go on a break when we have kids to take care of?

y/n: and you say ur not a gaslighter?

what if i was a weak woman and fell for ur sick lies

namjoon: we would have kids by now

y/n: ur messed up

that’s so messed up

namjoon: shoot me

y/n: don’t say stuff like that

cuz i will

then you’ll be mad

and dead

namjoon: what are you bothering me for?

y/n: can i not just message my bf like omg?

namjoon: you miss me or something?

y/n: not anymore

namjoon: cute

y/n: fuck ur cute

namjoon: accepting a compliment won’t kill you yk?

y/n: stop communicating with me

namjoon: you messaged me first?

y/n: no i didn’t

namjoon: whatever

y/n: omg don’t speak to me like you hate me i’ll kms

namjoon: so kids?

y/n: idk what ur on about tbh

namjoon: fine

y/n: fine

namjoon: fine?

y/n: fine?

namjoon: idk what you want from me

y/n: children

namjoon: you stop communicating with me

y/n: wow

namjoon: yeah

y/n: ur a LOSER

SEOKJIN -

jin: it’s time we reproduce

y/n: no

jin: no?

this would be a blessing to many

y/n: ok??

jin: ok?

i’ll just kms then

if you hate me just say that

y/n: i hate you

jin: what is ur problem???

y/n: what’s urs??

you told me to say it

jin: i said if you hate me

IF

y/n: ???

jin: oh my god

leave me alone

y/n: oh my god by gidle

jin: you have to stop speaking to hobi

y/n: why :(

jin: ur starting to talk like him

and it’s gross

the mother of my children a hoseok clone??

no thank you

y/n: what children??

jin: you need to keep up

we are having kids

y/n: but you said mother of your children

like as in you have kids rn

and last time i checked i never gave birth

who is this other woman seokjin???

jin: ew why would you say my full name like that

y/n: why would you cheat on me?

jin: bored?

y/n: all men are the same

jin: i am like no other man

y/n: true you dumb as hell

jin: now ur talking shit

y/n: maybe the shit talks you

jin: what

y/n: what

jin: can we make babies pls

y/n: ew

you actually make me wanna throw up

jin: wtf

this is why i don’t talk to you

y/n: you talk to me everyday?

in fact you loose ur mind if you don’t talk to me for more than 2 hours

jin: you literally have no proof

once again ur talking SHIT

y/n: don’t raise ur voice at me tf

jin: see you would be such a good mother

that’s such a parent thing to say

lowkey got me feeling a little hot and bothered rn 🙈

i’m sorry

you might need to put me in my place again mommy 🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈🙉🙉🙉

y/n: what the fuck

jin: you’re not into it???

y/n: how can you go from talking about children to sex?

jin: don’t say that makes me sound like a perv

y/n: you are a perv

jin: no i’m not

ur just lame

like you need to have sex to have children

i was just helping start the process

y/n: you’ve got like a screw loose or something

jin: stop speaking to me in riddles

or don’t

i do love a smart girl 😉

y/n: stop speaking to me like a bitch in heat

jin: people lame nowadays

by people i mean you

y/n: cry about it

jin: i just might

y/n: good

JUNGKOOK -

y/n: do you want to have a baby?

jk: doesn’t giving birth hurt?

y/n: so?

jk: i don’t want you to get hurt

y/n: life is pain

jk: i’ll give birth

y/n: that’s not how it works

jk: pls let me do it

y/n: ok

jk: thank you

y/n: ur welcome

jk: do you think i’ll look good pregnant?

y/n: idk

jk: will you still love me when i get big?

y/n: i might leave you if you get pregnant

jk: wtf?

y/n: it might creep me out

jk: why wtf

y/n: i don’t want to imagine you pregnant

jk: but our baby ☹️

y/n: i would rather never have kids than see you pregnant

jk: wow

you think i would be that ugly

y/n: i’m sorry

jk: are you?

y/n: ummm

jk: ok then

y/n: we can always adopt

jk: but that’s not my baby

y/n: legally they would be

jk: we won’t have the same spit

y/n: the same spit?

jk: yk like our insides won’t be the same

y/n: ur dna?

jk: yeah my dna

y/n: ur not supposed to have the exact same dna as ur baby anyways

jk: okay but it’s like a mix of us

and a adopted one would have no mix at all

y/n: so what do you want to do?

jk: give birth

y/n: i really don’t think it’s possible babe

jk: i will do it

y/n: sure

jk: why don’t you believe in me?

y/n: i do

jk: act like it

y/n: wooo?

jk: not good enough

y/n: sorry i’m tired

jk: ok?

y/n: fuck you?

jk: i’m about to have a baby and ur talking to me like that?

y/n: i’ll believe it when i see it

jk: so you fr don’t believe in me?

y/n: yeah

not one bit of belief in me

jk: crazy how people switch up

when you want to come back into me and MY babies lives we won’t let you

y/n: i’m crying

honestly

jk: i’m glad

y/n: i’m actually not

i don’t care at all

and that’s the truth

jk: so you just lie for fun

y/n: pretty much

jk: wow

ur crazy

y/n: 4 u

jk: waittt why am i blushing rn 😖

are you in love with me be honest?

y/n: idk…

jk: oh

y/n: embarrassing…

ur just a fuck buddy tbh

jk: for 8 years i’ve been a fuck buddy?

y/n: yur

jk: are you lying to me?

y/n: i could be

jk: i could be pregnant rn

y/n: are you?

jk: no

but i could be

y/n: are you lying to me?

jk: yeah :(

y/n: it’s okay

jk: is it really??

y/n: you don’t want me to answer that

JIMIN -

y/n: i’ve been getting congratulation texts all day today

jimin: omg people are so crazy wtf 😭?

y/n: i’m fr so confused

did we win an award i didn’t know about or something??

jimin: maybe idk lol

y/n: would it be rude if i asked what tf they’re talking about?

jimin: unbelievably rude

don’t do it

i’m for real

y/n: but i wanna know

jimin: just accept the congrats and go

y/n: do you know something i don’t?

jimin: wtf no?

y/n. ur lying

jimin: i’m not

y/n: jimin

jimin: love of my life

apple of my eye

babe

y/n: tell me

jimin: omg i LOVE that song

tell me tell me ttttell me

y/n: now

jimin: sorry idk what ur talking about

hello??

babe?

where did you go?

come back

talk to me

y/n: YOU TOLD PEOPLE I WAS PREGNANT???

jimin: I TOLD YOU NOT TO ASK

WAHT IS WRONG WITH YOU???

y/n: WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT

jimin: i’m preparing people for the future

y/n: ??????????

i’m NOT pregnant

jimin: you will be when i’m done with you ;)

y/n: wtf is wrong with you

jimin: a lot

y/n: i can tell

jimin: do you think i’m ugly be honest

y/n: right now yes

jimin: so you think i’m pretty other times 🥺🥺🥺

let’s have a baby

y/n: no

jimin: okay wtf

why not

y/n: ur literally about to be shipped off

you want to leave me with a baby??

jimin: why would you say that

now i’m upset

i’ll take the baby with me

y/n: …

jimin: no?

y/n: no

jimin: fine

our baby would be lowkey ugly anyways

y/n: excuse me?

jimin: problem?

y/n: why would our baby be ugly??

jimin: i mean…

y/n: you mean????

jimin: ur gonna have to just prove me wrong babe

y/n: ur not funny

jimin: did i make a joke???

y/n: you are the joke

jimin: i actually am not the joke

i never joke

super serious guy park jimin is

super shy too

new jeans core >.<

y/n: i’m done with you

HOSEOK -

y/n: baby?

hobi: me?

y/n: no like an actual baby

hobi: ur having one?

congrats!!!!!

y/n: no??

i’m not having one

hobi: oh

i’m sorry for ur loss

y/n: there was no loss

hobi: oh

was there a gain?

y/n: do you want there to be?

hobi: depends on the gain

y/n: the gain would be a baby

hobi: yikesss

that’s a pretty lame gain

why would i want you to have a baby?

y/n: um because you love me?

hobi: i wouldn’t be the father

i don’t see the point

y/n: ???

why wouldn’t you be the father?

hobi: i thought you were asking me if you could have a baby with someone else

y/n: what?

hobi: what?

i’m confused

y/n: I’M confused

hobi: why are we confused??

y/n: why would i ask you if i could have a baby with someone else???

hobi: feminism?

tho i do think it would be more of a feminist move if you didn’t ask me

ur spirt was in the right place tho

i’m sure the women will forgive you

y/n: what?

hobi: was i wrong??

y/n: what do you think?

hobi: it’s not my place to decide for a strong woman like urself

y/n: get a grip

hobi: grip gotten

y/n: is this ur way of dodging my baby proposal?

hobi: a baby what?

that sounds wrong

tf is a baby doing proposing???

ur a baby like drink milk or something

y/n: are you drunk??

hobi: nooooooooooooooooooooooooo

y/n: so ur tipsy?

hobi: tipsy topsy who cares

y/n: i do

i’m trying to ask you if you want to have a baby with me oh my god

hobi: omg do you love me or something???

that’s so crazy

y/n: bye have fun drinking

hobi: drinking heals me

y/n: that’s concerning

hobi: will i be a good dad

y/n: i’m sure you will

hobi: or will i kill myself due to the stress

y/n: oh

hobi: let’s find out babe

i’m ready

y/n: that did not sound like ready talk to me

we can talk about this tomorrow

hobi: if we think about it what can a baby do that i can’t???

y/n: keep me company

hobi: i do that all the time

do you hate me

if you hate me say 1

if you hate me and want me dead in a ditch by saturday night say 7

y/n: where are you right now?

hobi: jin’s house

i think

y/n: you think?

anyways

that’s the point

i’m all alone a baby would never leave me to go drink with jin

hobi: jin would be dead by the time our baby was born

he’s old

dojn’t tell him i said that

he might kick me out

i would be so upset

like this :cccccccccccc

and this 😭😭😭😪😓😓😓😰😰😨😨

WOAHHH THIJS DRINK HITTING OH MY GOD BABE WOW

FEELS LIKE I JUST DID COKE

OH MY GOF

not that i’ve done cokr befr don’t be scared of me babe

y/n: wow okay!

hobi: babies can’t even dance to dynamite i don’t see why you would want that in ur life

and i totally can dance to dynamite

sO i win

y/n: you are so right babe you go and have fun with jin!

hobi: see ur just so silly

and btw i realllly donnt do coke i swear it

y/n: 7

hobi: OH MY GIF I KNEW ITT

[saviorellie]

roommate!ellie headcannons.

pairing : ellie williams x reader

pov : second person , she/her pronouns

warnings : mention of porn i guess? college!ellie!! she’s got a big fat crush on you

notes : PLEASEEE send me headcannon and blurb requests for ellie (AND ABBY)!!

roommate!ellie that you met in a facebook group (she promptly deleted facebook as soon as you met)

roommate!ellie who refuses. and i mean re fuses. to do laundry.

she hates it oh my god she hates it. she does dishes, you do laundry. that is the agreement!

roommate!ellie who does not care what the place looks like, please take all creative control. she’ll love it regardless

she WILL kick ice under the fridge no matter how many times you tell her not to

roommate!ellie who would rather die than forget to water your plants. because she knows you love them and she KNOWS you will forget

she’s so “dad who says he doesn’t want a cat but loves that cat more than himself”

(the cat’s name is star. i will not elaborate.) (savage starlight.)

roommate!ellie who introduced you to fortnite and is mad because you’re better than her

roommate!ellie whose love language is physical touch

she will Die if your legs aren’t in her lap while watching a movie. she will sit on the counter beside the stove if you’re cooking.

roommate!ellie is a LOOOOSERRRRR

i’m talking sweating when you’re wearing pajama shorts, shaking when you play with her hair, blushing like all the fucking time.

she needs you bad.

roommate!ellie who turns into a handyman any time something breaks (she will break it more than it was already broken)

she was laying on the kitchen floor tiles when she accidentally broke the ac

roommate!ellie who refuses to let you buy groceries

“i eat more than you anyway” “you pay for the netlifx and the disney+” “let me sugar momma you”

roommate!ellie who will get on. All fours. if she comes home from work or class and you’re cooking or you made dinner for her.

(please please please be her housewife) (omg who said that?!)

roommate!ellie who puts cream and sugar in her coffee even though she likes black the best

because she knows she won’t finish the mug but you will and you like cream and sugar

roommate!ellie who is actually not! an astronomy major! she’s a paleontology major for sure

roommate!ellie who spends every paycheck she gets on 1. groceries and 2. random little trinkets she knows you’ll like

the sonny angel collection is crazy (thank you ellieeee :P)

roommate!ellie who can not stop giving you weird nicknames

“sweet girl” “angel” yeah yeah the normal ones but why is she calling you “beef” and “charcuterie board”

roommate!ellie was the first person you smoked with and she almost cried because she felt so bad when you greened out

her music taste is so. Bad (comedically, she actually has really good music taste)

“ellie if you play mask by dream one more time i’m going to [TRAIN PASSES BY]”

roommate!ellie (loser) who says “can i put my minecraft bed next to yours” LOSER

roommate!ellie who is So fucking smart but she pretends to not know what’s going on in her classes so you will sit next to her and your upper arm will touch hers as you help her

roommate!ellie who has to be constantly reminded to close her bedroom door at night

“i don’t know if you’re getting laid or watching p*rn but Hey close the door”

(you’re not jealous. why would you be jealous? it’s not like you like ellie or anything so if she’s getting laid why would it matter you don’t-)”

:0

roommate!ellie who worships the ground you walk on

do Not try on a dress or a skirt or a cropped shirt in front of her because she will pass out and d*e

stuttering and shit when you ask about her day (say it with me) (loooserrrr)

roommate!ellie who will Not hang up the phone or say goodbye without saying “love you”

cuz she does :,) she loves you :,)

don’t say “love you too” though because she will overthink it and stress herself out to tears

roommate!ellie who annoys dina so bad with how much she talks about you

“i was talking to y/n and she said” “y/n really likes this show” “y/n said that we should”

“oh my job just fuck already”

ellie’s best friend!dina who will look over you and at ellie and mouth “kiss her!!!”

and you’re clueless obviously

[cookinguptales]

So… last week I made a vent post about an accessibility issue I’d had with some podcasters. I really only meant for the post to be read by my followers (who to my knowledge aren’t familiar with the podcast in question) which is why I put minimal tags on it and didn’t name the show.

But… the post got legs that I wasn’t expecting, and eventually a lot of people asked for the name of the show. I hadn’t intended on creating a whole big thing, so I was kind of reluctant, but I did see the logic in what they were saying — as a disabled woman myself, I would also want to know if I were supporting podcasters whose values did not align with mine. So I told people quietly in the notes that the show had been Old Gods of Appalachia.

Things… did not stay quiet.

Frankly speaking, one of the reasons why I don’t write as many posts about disability and ableism these days is because I got tired of people writing to me and telling me that people like me should be dead. So you can imagine what kind of fucking week I’ve been having since all that blew up. It’s been a very high symptom week, too, so I’m just. Very tired and stressed rn.

Personally, I’d be happy to never talk about it again and try to get back to my everyday life, but I did think it was important to note that the creators of OGOA must have gotten wind of the post, and they did contact me.

I won’t post the whole email here, but it was a good response. Since seeing my post, they’d tried getting in contact with the venue and realized very quickly why I’d been so frustrated. They ended up needing to go through their booking agent to get any kind of answers — so like, to the people who sent me a thousand messages telling me I was an entitled idiot who just needed to contact the venue, please know that none of you were remotely helpful.

Again, I’m not going to post the entire email, but I did think it was important to be fair and use the same platform that I used to vent to tell people that they seem committed to doing better in the future. They told me that they would be making sure that they have all this information going forward and that they would no longer allow it to be such a barrier to entry for disabled fans.

They invited me back to the show and… god, I’ll admit it. I really had to think about my answer. Not to sound ungrateful, but after the week I’ve had, even thinking about the podcast, the podcasters, and that damn live show has me stressed af. I had to really consider whether I even wanted to go.

But in the months since I first contacted them, they added a show that’s a lot closer to where I live, so rather than a weekend trip, I could just take a single bus. And it’s near one of my favorite Japanese restaurants in the city, so if all else fails, I can at least have some good katsudon. So I will be going to the Philadelphia show.

(Though for fellow disabled fans, Terakawa Ramen is not wheelchair accessible. 🙃 Most days I can do the two steps into the restaurant, but not always. Philly, I love and loathe you.)

Anyway, I wanted to reply to them before I made a post here, but… yeah. We’ve worked things out, I think. Only the future can tell what they'll do going forward but they do seem committed to doing better.

To me, there are always two goals when I write about disability and ableism. The first is that disabled people will feel seen. That is always, always my primary goal. It’s so easy for us to feel invisible and unimportant, and I always want to make you all feel seen, just like I want to feel seen. The second is that able-bodied folks will listen and learn and do their best to support their disabled peers in the future.

So… I think that my post managed to fulfill both of those goals. A lot of disabled people have reblogged that post and have talked about their own experiences, and a lot of them have explicitly said how much that post makes them feel seen. And the podcasters in question seem to have really reflected on their actions and seem to want to do better going forward.

So as incredibly fucking stressed out as I’ve been, I guess I can’t regret making the post. It’s always good to know that your words can have impact. The post has long since moved out of my friends circle so I assume it’ll just keep circulating and I’ll keep getting shitty anons and chat messages, but I’m just gonna focus on what good has come from it. I’m hopeful that my post will make life tangibly better for at least a few disabled people, and I’m encouraged by the fact that podcasters who I’d formerly liked do actually seem to want to do the work needed to improve.

And uh I’m not answering any more messages from people who just wanna swear at me. I’m tired. Leave me alone.

[ihavemanyhusbands]

Hi BB 😌 can I get a one shot with Hotch and BAU!Reader where Hotch knows reader is a plant from Strauss and she's been watching the team for months and Hotch hates her and she hates him, but they can admit that they're definitely hot and they fuck? No enemies to lovers, just a good spiteful fuck. ~maybe~ they do it more than once, but there's no love. They don't see the best in each other, just some bomb ass genitals 😂

Heyyyy mamas 😏😏 oh hell fucking yeah!! I need a dose of this rn

(Minors DNI!!!!)

——

You knew exactly why you had stayed late in the office, but you still questioned yourself. You watched the members of the BAU trickle out as the clock ticked way past five PM. You’d used paperwork as an excuse to linger, but the truth throbbed between your legs.

It was pathetic, really.

Sure, you were expected to be courteous with the Unit Chief — Aaron Hotchner — and perhaps even cozy up to him to be in his good graces. But you had taken that to the extreme… and not in any sort of conventional way.

The truth was, the two of you couldn’t stand each other. But unfortunately, your bodies reacted completely different to your rational minds. The whole irony of it was pretty maddening.

And so, after weeks of heated glares, snarky remarks, and sexual tension so tangible that it could be sliced with a knife, the two of you finally caved in.

And the worst — or maybe best — part about it?

It wasn’t a one time thing.

In fact, whenever things got especially stressful, you had come to the secret agreement to use each other for some release. No strings attached, much less something romantic. God forbid you became amicable.

So, when the last of the stragglers clocked out for the day, you headed to Hotch’s office. You knocked on the door as a courtesy, subsequently hearing his rumbling ‘come in.’

You shut the door behind you as you stepped in, crossing your arms over your chest. Hotch sighed heavily, leaning his elbows on his desk and giving you a stern look.

“You know, you were a real pain in the ass today,” he said. “Did you really have to be so relentless in front of the team?”

You shrugged, smiling slyly. “I just know how to get what I want. Can you blame me?”

He stood up from his desk, shoving his hands in his pockets and approaching you slowly.

“And what exactly is it that you want?” He asked, his dark eyes roaming all over you.

You reached up to undo the first couple of buttons of your shirt, back pressed against the wall as he came even closer.

“Aren’t you a profiler, Agent Hotchner? I’m sure you can figure it out.”

He scoffed, only half amused. “Why don’t you enlighten me instead?”

You reached for his tie now, toying with it for a moment before tugging him towards you. You tilted your chin up, staring directly into his eyes, your lips a hair’s breadth apart.

“I want you to fuck me hard against the wall until you forget why you were so mad in the first place.”

His throat worked as he swallowed hard, but then he grabbed your arm, maneuvering you. “Turn around.”

You complied with a small, triumphant smile. You undid your pants, but before you could push them down, he grabbed both of your wrists and pinned your hands behind your back.

“Allow me,” he said sardonically, lightly kicking your legs apart.

He pressed your front against the wall and used his free hand to yank your pants and underwear down.

You bit your lower lip as he brought a hand down to your cunt, chuckling darkly at what he found.

“So wet for someone you hate, huh?” He taunted, his deft fingers still teasing your slit. “How does that work?”

“Don’t act like your cock’s not throbbing in your pants right now,” you countered. “I know you’ve been wanting this all day, too.”

Your body jerked as he delivered a sharp spank to your ass.

“You seem awful sure of yourself,” he said. “Maybe I shouldn’t give it to you. That’ll really teach you a lesson.”

You bared your teeth in frustration to his teasing, glaring at him from your periphery.

“Bite me, Hotchner.”

“Oh, you’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

Still, you head the soft growl of the zipper and the clink of his belt being undone. Soon enough, he lined yourself up with your entrance and pushed in slowly.

You inhaled sharply as he buried his free hand in your hair and pulled your head back slightly as he bottomed out.

His thrusts were hard and shallow at first, keeping himself mostly sheathed inside you, his body pressed against yours. Your eyes fluttered closed as he hit a spot deep inside you that almost made you lose yourself.

“Harder,” you pleaded. “I don’t need you to be gentle with me.”

“I know I don’t,” he panted, rearing back to spank you again, once on each side.

He chuckled as he felt you clench around him with each strike. His large hands gripped your hips, fingers digging into your skin.

“Now keep your hands behind your back or I’ll stop.”

You wanted to retort, but you wanted some release even more, so you acquiesced. Now he didn’t hesitate, his thrusts quick and punishing.

You could hear him try to control his breathing, grunts of pleasure escaping his throat. With each thrust, you pushed your hips back to meet his. Your cheek was pressed against the wall, and you couldn’t help the wanton moans that spilled from your lips.

“If-if only the team knew what a desperate slut you are for my cock, hmm?” He rasped close to your ear. “I wonder what they’d think of you t-then.”

“Says the o-one who gets a hard on every time I challenge you,” you retorted. “Maybe I should just shove your face into my pussy next time. Put your mouth to good use— ah fuck!”

He covered your mouth with one hand, his thrusts even rougher. “Shut up and take it.”

As the two of you got closer to your climaxes, you reached back and grasped part of his shirt as best as you could at that angle. His grunts grew louder, the rhythm of his movements stuttering.

You came as you felt heat flooding your cunt, your walls spasming around him. He muttered fuck under his breath, sucking a breath between his teeth as you practically milked every last drop of pleasure out of him.

Your cries were muffled by the palm of his hand, your muscles tensed as you rode the last of your ecstasy. Was it possible that it got better and better each time?

It sure seemed that way, much to your chagrin.

When he pulled out, he went to retrieve tissues from his desk, handing you the box as he worked on cleaning himself up. You did the same, avoiding looking at each other.

You pulled your pants back up, composing yourself as best as you could despite still being in a fucked out daze.

He cleared his throat, adopting his stern demeanor once more. “I want you here bright and early tomorrow. Lots of paperwork to go through.”

You scoffed, opening the door and flipping him off. “Yeah, yeah, I’ll be here. You owe me some coffee, though.”

He huffed once more in amusement and you rolled your eyes, taking off. He could really get on your nerves, but damn if he didn’t know what he was doing when it came to your body…

——

[sugawarassoccerlover]

general hurt/comfort. small self indulgent blurb for myself cause i need this rn :p

You sniffled, slowly calming down from your sobbing session. However, his arms remained around you, holding you securely against him. Your face was buried comfortably in his shoulder, as it usually does when things got like this. Sensing your decreasing cries, he moves one hand from your shoulder to your hair, stroking it with a tenderness that almost got you sobbing again. 

“Would you like to talk about it now, or do you just want me to keep holding you? Or we could do something else entirely, get out of the house, stay in, whatever you want, sweetheart” he said, pressing a soft kiss to your hair. 

“It’s stupid,” you mumbled against his shoulder.

You felt his body suddenly tense beneath yours. The hand on your hair moved to your chin, as he moved you so that he could look you in the eyes. “Nuh-uh. Nothing that bothers you is ‘stupid’. Even if an extreme tragedy didn’t happen, if it’s hurting or stressing you, its important. Now come on honey, wanna tell me what got you so worked up?”

“I just,” your voice broke and you lifted your hand to wipe the tears from your eye with the back of your hand. “I’m overwhelmed right now. Don’t get me wrong, I’m really excited about doing this class, and being able to start working, it’s just.. A lot. And it's so new. There’s so many things to do, so many things to consider. Things also aren’t going as smoothly as I expected them to do.”

“Aw, hun,” he brushed the hair away from your face. “I understand. Starting a new path in life is always going to be pretty scary. There’s so many unknowns, and it can just be a lot. But you have me to help you, to lean on. I’ll always support you in this. And you know what? I’m so proud of you, so fucking proud. You’re doing something outside of your comfort zone, and pursuing what you want despite all your worries. If I need to remind you every day, I will, but you’re doing so well. Things may not be going as smoothly as you expected, like you said, but you’re keeping with it regardless. I think that's something you should be proud of yourself for.”

His words made you tear up again. “Thank you, [__] that.. That means a lot coming from you.” 

“You know I'm not just saying this to say it, right? I mean it. You’re doing amazing, sweetie,” he said before kissing your forehead. The way he looked into your eyes, there was nothing put pure affection and admiration in his gaze. “You know what? This calls for a celebratory dinner. How about we get a nice dinner for you, and then afterwards maybe we can have some fun, catch my drift?” He said with a slight chuckle, raising his eyebrows. 

“Pervert!” You giggled, punching his shoulder lightly.

sugawara koshi, mitsuya takashi, kita shinsuke, osamu miya, tecchou suehiro, yuki sohma, carlos oliveira, hatori sohma, natsuo todoroki, satan, simeon, joe, kazuha, neuvillette, thoma, tighnari, rengoku kyojuro

[margareturtle]

I haven’t seen this in a fic yet (pls send me links if you have!!) so I’m doing it myself:

How Jeremy+Cat+ Laila find out about the 80% deal (set after the news about Jean’s family has already been released) (pt 1)

The gang is in the kitchen:

Jeremy: Jean, I’m telling coach to bench you for just this one match! You’re sick (or minorly injured). Just take a break and you’ll be back next match!

Jean: No! I’m fine! There are scouts for Court coming to this game!

Jeremy: yes and you’re just getting over the flu (or a twisted ankle idk)! Just take a rest, the Court scouts will be back next year!

Jean: I’m good to play! I need to play! I need to sign to court!

Jeremy: And I’m sure you will be! Kevin was just signed, no one doubts you will be signed as well ! What difference does a year make?

Jean: what difference does a year— I need to prove myself or they’ll think I can’t and— I can play! I will play!

Jeremy: no— I already told the coaches you aren’t playing— they’re in support

Jean: YOU WHAT? *panicking* they’re gonna kill me they’re gonna kill me

Jeremy: *softening* oh Jean it’s ok. You’re with the trojans remember. You’re not at the nest. You’re safe. Riko is dead. Tetsuji is gone. Everyone respects your right to a break. You’re free of the Moriyamas now.

Jean: You insolent fool! I will never be free of the Moriyamas!

Jeremy: ok Jean, I know it may feel like that sometimes. But you are free with us now. There are no more Moriyamas that will hurt you.

Cat: *thinking* well there’s Ichirou

Jeremy: *glares at Cat*

Cat: what? As smart as you are Jere you still haven’t learned to take the things Jean says at face value. He just said “I will never be free of the Moriyamas”

Jeremy: yeah but that’s not— Ichirou is a business man, all he cares about is money and his new fiance!

Laila: yeah but what really is the Moriyama family business? I haven’t really thought about it before but Ichirou looks rich af so it’s gotta be smth good…Jean you must now what it is.

Jean: *doesn’t respond to non questions*

Jeremy: Come on, this isn’t related to why Jean is so freaked out he can’t play today!

Cat: judging by his silence rn it def is! So what is it Jean? What’s the Moriyama business? You must know!

Jean: *stressed* it’s not important

Laila: clearly it is, now you can tell us or I’m happy to start guessing!

Jean: don’t—

Laila: let’s see it’s prob smth shady if you won’t say. Let’s see, do they deal in exotic Animals? Is Ichirou secretly tiger king?

Jean: No?! Just stop!

Laila: Or is it some business offensive to french culture? Oh no Jean, is their business in wine? Do they sell prosecco and call it champagne?

Jean: it’s not—

Laila: Oh or it has smth to do with why you learned so many languages while you were there? They’re secretly in the spy industry training to be spies??

Jean: of course not! Now stop asking I won’t tell you.

Cat: oh jean 😭 way to get us all more intrigued.

Jeremy: yeah let’s return to the topic of—

Laila: *who’s been thinking for a sec* pfft I know *sarcastically* Ichirou is secretly a mob boss too who has been in kahoots with—

Jean: *flinches*

Laila: your dad and neil’s dad which means—

Laila: Wait what the fuck?!! I was joking—I know the Moriyama’s business is just some boring corporate shit! But you just—What the fuck? WHAT THE FUCK!! You only flinch when I land spot on I—

Jean: *lunges for a knife with one hand that Jeremy catches. Lunges for his throat with the other that Cat gets a hold of first*

Laila: holy shit. No way. What. You’re kidding— I can’t. I wAs jOkinG !! Do the foxes know? Kevin must know if you do—

Laila: *picks up Jeremy’s phone he left in the kitchen counter*

Laila: *calling kevin*

(Pt 2 call with kevin coming soon)

[ficklecat]

imma bitch about gender™️ stuff real quick

getting married in the same year I realise I’m not cis is WHACK BRO wtf

like literally I’m going through one of the MOST gendered societal practices that exists while barely understanding my own identity and it’s so fuckin stressful and upsetting and fucking with me way worse than I thought

my fiancé is incredible and so is my best friend but even they aren’t used to it yet and I’m still barely comfortable with correcting anyone about my pronouns because I still have a voice in my head that’s saying none of this is real and I’m just overthinking and/or my illness is skewing how I feel about myself

but every time I have to encounter this whole “omg you’re a blushing bride to be!” I want to VOMIT it gives me such a visceral ICK and I’m so uncomfortable about it but I’m not even “out” to anyone besides a very intimate circle of people (and some people at work that I wanted to ‘test it out’ with who have probably already forgotten)

idfk I’m just in this weird gender limbo rn and I have this big event thing this week to go to to taste stuff and discuss details and it’s just about to be so miserably dysphoric for me

and I’ve never really experienced gender dysphoria in a real or intense way, so this is still new to me and it fucking sucks so much because my own brain isn’t even backing me up and is just telling me “you’re being dramatic just stop trying to be cool and different” even though I know that’s not true

UGH

this is so stupid

just don’t perceive me please I’m begging

[gggoldfinch]

At this point I've given up, like I go find the oldest, crustiest, most ancient fics with no tags and read them. At first it rattled me but man this is the same with books. Books have no tags and we read them. It's been like this for centuries. Stop stressing the authors.

RIGHTTTTT like,,,,,, I’ve seen people on tiktok (and on here unfortunately) being like “☝🏻🤓 I only read fics with high kudos and high hits” LIKE FUCKING ! WHAT !! We’re on completely different levels of fandom experience rn my guy. I saw a vid recently discussing the mainstreaming of fandom culture particularly in 2020 (i.e. the people who would’ve bullied me in middle school for being weird joining fandom spaces) and how that pipelined into the actual fandom weirdos being ostracized in their native habitats and. it’s so true lowkey…

Like, I hate to say it but a lot of mainstream fandoms I feel really don’t like ?? value the art of writing so much as they do the “content creation” ? Some of—if not all—the best fics I’ve ever read have been for weird fandoms or unpopular characters, often with very little interaction on them. In my decade+ worth of fandom experience, non-mainstream and non-“normal” fandoms and authors tend to actually enjoy fandom more and value the art in it over the clout. It’s kinda a double-edged sword in that way because on one hand the authors have to contend with overly critical readers, but on the other you can find authors who are solely in it for the clout of massive interaction numbers rather than being in it for the love of the game.

Dgmw you can enjoy your ooc marvel fic where the author is sniveling for mercy in the notes lest they get cancelled by the fandom, but don’t come into fandom spaces that aren’t like that and expect the same content and treatment 💀 it’s gotten to the point where I just don’t bother reading stuff from fandoms like that anymore because more often than not the content is just not up to my standards 😭

Tags are a very good thing for a site like ao3, where you can filter whatever you like, but imo (at the risk of sounding too insensitive) some of the shit I’ve seen does not need to be tagged in the way it is 😭 I was being deadass when I said in the previous post that I just saw an author in the notes nervously giving their justification for the inclusion of a consensual clothes ripping scene. LIKE WHAT WORLD ARE WE KNOW RN LMFOAJJDKFLFL

And PLS don’t get me started on the “tagging” and “troping” of books 😭 the tiktokification of everything needs to end 😭 intellectualism is not a bad thing guys, some of you are just media illiterate 😭 Like obviously if a book contains a triggering topic I hope you find out about it before picking it up… but there are ways of learning the contents of a book that don’t include them having actual tags like a fanfic. go on goodreads, look up reviews… hnnnghgg

ANNNYYWAYYYY support authors and don’t be fucking weird ❤️ go read old fics or unpopular fics because you might find a gem ❤️ go read books ❤️

[overheaven]

hmm so dr appt about chronic pain was (unsurprisingly) vague but that’s to be expected since it’s the first time i’m bringing these issues up. gonna have to get more bloodwork done.

everything all checked out w/ my thyroid and metabolic stuff like. my provider was even like “on paper everything is perfect” but she took a lot of time to talk about stuff that might not be easy to pinpoint too. i was suggested to do some research about the connection between trauma+chronic pain, which i think is absolutely valid but also a little disappointing because it’s like wow thanks as if the trauma isn’t pervasive enough, it also literally ruined my body on a cellular level?

but at the end i described my pain as feeling deep and bruising and my provider suggested looking into fibromyalgia too… which i’m like 99% certain is in my family (just can’t confirm if they’ve ever gotten diagnosed or who it exactly was—my mom or my grandma—or other medical history because i’m no-contact w/ my family).

something i neglected to say because it’s one of those things that you’re like “oh that’s NOT normal?” and i didn’t think of it til i had to start moving again is my bad balance, head rushes, vertigo etc. i’ve never fainted as far as i can remember and i always have good blood pressure when they take my vitals so idk. maybe that’s not indicative of a larger issue but it’s like. y’know they’re not monitoring my blood pressure when i’m moving or standing or sitting and they can’t see how my head gets foggy & twinge-y when i stand too fast or if i’m tired or w/e. i got a lingering head ouchie & hot flash because of stretching rn. buh. does anyone else’s ears ring when they get a head rush? cause i get a really lowkey small ring that almost feels like it’s connected right into my brain, like it doesn’t block out other sounds but it’s there humming at a high frequency. what’s that about. is that normal?

i’ve just got all these little things that i really really really hope aren’t just “yeah sorry you’re traumatized which means your body sucks. try not to be stressed and exercise more.” maybe that’s true! and i know diagnoses aren’t some magic thing or whatever i know i know but it’s just. i can’t describe it as anything other than tragic if somehow i didn’t have something Formally Medically Wrong with me. like if that’s the case then that means my mom gets to have the validity of arthritis and all of her other diagnoses while i’m sitting here in pain that is always going to be vague, pervasive, and unpredictable because she fucked up my brain. and that hurts. i’m still playing catch-up about all the stuff my parents ignored and neglected when they should have been helping and protecting me. i’m mad about it.

[starocean]

not to be an asshole or a whiner but i have been stressed and need to rant a little to let it out so please feel free to ignore, it’s just work related stuff

(technically they’re all my coworkers, but i don’t wanna use names so i just refer to them like this)

so, coworker got into an accident and she’ll be out for the next four days. no big deal, i can push my vacation back even if i am the tiniest bit sad i can’t take it rn. i won’t even lie about that. but i’m not at mad at her at all. 

but i am upset that my manager didn’t even offer to let me take next weekend off. she just told me we’d talk about me taking vacation time. and that kind of set me off and i spent like a whole hour crying because i’m just. so tired. i work six days a week. in the last three to four months, i have worked multiple 9 to 13 day “weeks” without a single day off. i rarely ever ask for time off, and what time off i do get is usually interrupted by work for some reason or other, even during vacation. i have an autoimmune disorder that makes me physically weaker than i used to be. just a few days ago, i had to stop doing stock because my shoulders were causing me so much pain i was almost nauseated and fighting back tears.

i’m not like the asm, who bitches and bitches and bitches and bitches when she can’t take time off (who, by the way, spent most of last year trying to get out of work and almost got let go for being a liability bc she kept getting injured at work and filing for worker’s comp. which seems unfair but these injuries were all extremely minor, so minor that a doctor wouldn’t even give her more than a day off work bc it wasn’t necessary, and all happened in less than six months. and when you’re the only one getting injured but your coworkers aren’t and none of the customers are reporting anything hazardous, HR starts getting suspicious. they told her they were going to start investigating her if she reported another injury too soon, and guess what? she stops getting hurt. amazing. she only wanted the worker’s comp bc it would get her more time off work while giving her a paycheck, but that’s not the point. 

and she also had the fuckin’ audacity to lie about my performance to the sm, and yes i am still upset about that bc i’ve actually done way more than the asm has and the sm’s even said so herself, like fuck the asm for real i cannot stand her) 

she’s gotten mad at me before for requesting vacation time before she puts her request in, and even angry at me for getting the rare satuday off bc she thinks she’s the only one who deserves a saturday off, apparently. i don’t get weekend days off much. like 99% of my off-days are during the week. she also acts like she’s the only one to work 9 to 13 days in a row without time off, and she hates being contracted on all of the above. i’ve had to show her our schedules before and go back month by month showing her what days she worked and had off compared to what i did. as you can guess, she was not happy about the physical proof being put in front of her lmao.

(and let me get this off my chest real quick because this one really fuckin pissed me off. this fuckin cunt tried to get me to come in on a day off that i specifically requested and was granted to be able to take care of my mother after her surgery. one of the newbies quit, and she sends me a text saying, “so-and-so quit, i need you come in and work tonight.” and of course i told her sorry ass no, that i had to be there for my mother. not sorry at all, my family and their health takes priority over work, especially since that was scheduled time off approved by the sm. the fucking disregard you have to demand i come in despite knowing i’m watching over my mother’s health. cover the damn shift yourself, asshole.)

the only time i have ever spoken up about not having certain days off is when i’d been given a saturday off and the sm tried to take it from me without even attempting to communicate with me about it. and then she tried to guilt trip me for that by saying she would have to pull a double, and i had to hold myself back from saying something snarky about how it’s literally her job, as per corporate policy, to fill in for an employee who cannot make their scheduled shift if no other employee can cover it. i was also miffed she didn’t even bother asking if i was okay with that. like, she didn’t say shit to me about it. no text message, no phone call, nothing from any other employee. nada. she got the next day off anyways, so idk why she was bitching. maaayybee she should have had the courtesy to, oh i dunno, ask me if i could cover? but she didn’t, so no i don’t feel bad about her pulling that double shift. ANYWAYS, not the point. i mean, sort of.

anyways, kind of tying back into the first part: coworker got hurt, and i volunteered to coworker directly that if she needed me to give up my vacation to cover her shifts, i would. we don’t always get along, but we definitely get along better than the asm and I do. maybe this is petty, atp i don’t really care, but the asm thanked me for volunteering. and i had to fight not to tell her to fuck off, that i wasn’t doing it for her, i was doing it for my coworker. it was the right thing to do, and if coworker had wanted to, she could’ve called it a favor for switching days with me once when i’d gotten too sick to attend work a few months ago. and i knew damn well that the asm wouldn’t give up any of her time off to fill in, bc she’d outright rejected mine and other coworkers’ requests for us to switch shifts when we’d been too sick or hurt to come in, and has often refused to cover shifts for employees who quit. obvious pattern of behavior there.

basically i’m just, like. bummed out. and burned out. i have dedicated so much time to this job with nothing to show. a shitty wage that i can’t even get a raise on bc i’ve apparently “hit the cap” for my position (bunch of fucking bullshit honestly), and my physical and mental health deteriorating by the minute. (which, i know that seems stupid to say after having a possible opportunity to get a different job, but all the research i put into that one (which i should’ve done first. hindsight is 20/20) showed it wouldn’t be much better than my current job. who knows. if i get desperate enough, i may just try my shot with them again.) and little time off. 

i just want decent time off. to just sit at home and relax, and not be bothered by something work related unless it’s an emergency. 

i’ll delete this later

[sankyeom]

hii belle how have you been? it has been a long time since we talked how have u been tell me everything

my life has been eventfull so life update

1 i broke up w my now ex bf

it was a long time ago tho like 2 months ago?? he liked someone else and we broke up we ended up in good terms im not mad bc its his feelings we dont control that shit yk?? so im not mad im dissapointed he didnt tell me earlier?? bc ik he had feelings for atleast a week saurr yeah

2 mental health

my mental health has been shit i got suspended from school and that really took a toll on it (people pleaser😽😽 and burnt out gifted kid) im on my last 2 weeks of school and im so fucking stressed i have a chemistry exam on wensday that im so lost on i have my astronomy final a week from now i have a project to finish for next week and a paper that is due wensday that i think i lost i cried 4 times today bc of the stressed im just so tired im exausted

3 writing

i have been more consistent w my writing i have 3 series going on rn (one im still writing) but it has been truly an escape for me and im lowkey proud of myself

4 volleyball

im now training in volleyball i have training 3 times a week its very insanely frustrating bc im so bad and it drives me insane

i think that is it?? idk but yeah how have u been pls tell me juseyo

love auri💐

hi auri my dear, it’s so good to hear from you!! 🥰

first of all, i’m so sorry to hear about the circumstances of your break up, that sounds really tough and i feel for you. hopefully, you’re doing well on this matter and realise that you are so special and wonderful. you’re stronger than i am for not being mad, i would definitely be in a different place. 💛

i REALLY get the whole burnt out gifted kid thing, it’s honestly so rough and confusing to be in school in that situation. mental health is such a hard thing especially when there’s a lot of academic pressure on you, and i hope that you will be able to find some time for yourself after your final exams and projects are over. i wish someone had told me that my worth doesn’t come from academic perfection a long time ago, and i hope that you can start to build a healthier relationship with academics in the future. you can do it, i believe in you!! 🥰🥰

remember to take lots of breaks and do something that you love to reward yourself for finishing your exams, even if you aren’t 100% happy with your results. 🦋

i’m so glad that writing has been an escape for you!! i think it’s extremely important to have hobbies and things that you do in your free time that are just for your own enjoyment. hopefully it will help a little with your mental health 🌷

i’ve been alright! my finals week just started and i have a lot on my plate, but once it’s over i’m going to have nearly a month of holidays to decompress and relax a little bit 😊🌸

i have really been lacking in the writing department recently, i’ve just been lacking a lot of inspiration and i haven’t been able to write anything because i’ve been so busy with school, tutoring, my internship, and college transfer applications. hopefully my next quarter will be less busy since i’m only taking three classes, and i think i should have more time to write and update here!

[eurydicees]

Sorry I need to kick down your door to scream “PLATONIC SOULMATES MIYA TWINS!!!” Yes hello I AM HERE!!!

(Your soulmate AU ideas are absolutely fab and…. I am keeeeeen for more!)

oh anon PLEASE kick down my door !!!!! platonic soulmates miya twins fr FR fr !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! a concept i am suddenly and completely VERY passionate abt. just like.....miya twins canon "atsumu's biggest blessing is osamu" "we'll be next to each other on our deathbed" you mean those miya twins???? yeah. yeah. YEAH . they're literally soulmates !!!!!!! people who balance each other out and who make each other stronger and no matter how hard they work one will always catch up to the other.........im biting and kicking and chewing paper rn

i think i am going to commit to this idea for the nano soulmate au because aaaaaaa. miya twins <333333333

anyways hehe so glad u like these au ideas !!!!!! i am so excited abt this. do you want an excerpt from what i wrote today. idk maybe not but youre getting one below the cut anyways.

for context, the likeliness of dreamsharing w/ a soulmate is smth that can be predicted via brain scans and sciencey stuff (i have so many tabs on studies abt dreams open). and then there are dreams vs nightmares, which basically determine if you'll have a positive or negative relationship w ur soulmate. kuroo's parents shared nightmares but tried to have a relationship anyway and that kinda fucked him up </3

this snippet comes right after kuroo confesses that he dreams of kenma! it's the same conversation in which the above soulmate science is explained.

“I’m not stressed about it,” Kuroo says. He finally meets Kenma’s eyes, and somehow he smiles. Kenma doesn’t know how he’s doing it. He reaches out, brushes Kenma’s hair behind his ear. “It’s really fine. I’ve made my peace with my fucked up hippocampus.”  Kenma stares at him, and still words fail to come to him.  “I was seventeen,” Kuroo confesses, still smiling the stupid, wide, fond smile. “It was a few months before you turned sixteen. For a while I waited, I guess, kind of figuring you would complete the connection once your birthday hit. Then I read all these studies on the brain and soulmate connections and nightmares and stuff and I…gave up.”  “Kuro,” Kenma says again, and still doesn’t know how to finish the sentence. Just knows that he has to say something. His hands go to Kuroo’s arms, clenching his sweatshirt tight in his fists, trying to hold onto him in any way that he can.  Kuroo puts his hands over Kenma’s hands, just the lightest touch. “Kenma. Really. It’s okay. I’m not upset about it. You didn’t do anything wrong.”  “Neither did you,” Kenma says, and his voice is hoarser than he thought it would be.  “No,” Kuroo agrees. “I didn’t. Which is why there’s not really a point in being mad about it. I’m happy that we get to be friends. That’s all that matters to me. Soulmates aren’t the only thing that matters in the world. They’re not the only relationship you can have.”

[worldswewrite]

I’m glad we’re FINALLY going to couples counseling (that’s on both of us) but I’m like. Ready for the counselor to give me some magical solution that my individual therapy somehow has overlooked. I would really like that snap of the fingers now please.

I am so tired of being anxious about them going on dates and sleeping with people because I’m certain that they’re going to romantically fall in love with someone and I’m going to be abandoned because I’m difficult to be with. This is also making me confront head on all of the unhealthy thought patterns and beliefs I have around sex. And oh my god I’m a terrible person for even having those beliefs. I’m supposed to be all progressive and liberal and polyamorous. And I’m fucking drowning. Jesus Christ. I’m on fire and I’m drowning.

And I think my individual therapist believes I’m only going through all this because it’s the only way I can keep them in my life. And I KNOW that she’s at least partially right. Because if I don’t have them, what do I have? Depression? A negative bank account? Events to go to but no friends to pick me up when I’m stress vomiting on the floor? I’m trying to build a life worth living that isn’t dependent on them. But holy shit is it still dependent on them right now.

I’m so fucking dependent and if I could take an axe to this bond I fucking would. I just want to love them without the obsession please. For the love of god.

I don’t even know how this spiral started! They’re sleeping rn! Alone! (Probably! I think! They would tell me wouldn’t they? But they’d be scared I’d take it poorly, rightfully so, so would they?)

I want to only care about who they take home because I care about their happiness and safety. I don’t want it to be the most threatening thing in the world.

If they leave me, I don’t know if I would survive. So every person they meet that could become a romantic thing feels like a threat to my survival. And I have no idea what to do about that.

I just really hope counseling helps. And the polyamory resources.

They’re just one person! I have bigger issues to deal with that aren’t pining! Ugh. Put me out of my misery.