#the mummy love story

[angel-0f-verdun]

16 Unrelenting Turmoil

Previous Chapter

As we got to the top of the stairs Ardeth set me down on a chair in the library while he went searching for gauze to wrap my hand. I smiled to myself sitting there realizing that this was where the journey had all started. Had I never worked here or Rick never been missing, we wouldn’t be in this situation right now. I found myself feeling grateful that we weren’t adopted as children, who knows how I would have turned out had I grown up a socialite in America. I cringed at the thought of those dresses with corsets I had seen in the papers.

I heard some commotion near the front of the building footsteps quickly rushing through the hall. I spotted the curator come out from his office to meet the group which was most likely my brother and the Carnahans. Dr. Bay greeted them and they talked in hushed voices as Rick’s eyes caught my own noticing me. Ardeth cut off my view of him as he stepped into my line of sight. I smiled at him as he gingerly took my hand wrapping the gauze around multiple times to staunch the bleeding. He then transferred his attention to my thigh where the fabric had ripped. He looked into my eyes asking for permission to rip the fabric more. I nodded as I felt the feeling of eyes on me. He tore it, wrapping the gauze around the wound as the blood-soaked through almost immediately. 

“I thought I told you to watch her, not maim her.” I heard the accusatory voice of my brother as his heavy footsteps approached us. 

“It’s fine Rick we were playing with swords. One way to pass the time while you were off gallivanting with the others.” I said to him waving my left hand around to make a point, annoyed that he suddenly started caring about this.

“What is that?” He asked, ‘fuck’ I mentally cursed myself hoping that we wouldn’t have to have this conversation just yet. 

“It’s nothing,” I said as I placed my hand underneath the leg that Ardeth was wrapping. This caught the attention of Evy and Jon who walked up interrupting Rick’s incoming fury. Evy gave me a look of confusion and intrigue, a smile tugging at her mouth. 

“Let’s see Eris.” She said as she stood next to Rick her fingers grazing his arm. I could tell he relaxed the second she touched him. I was grateful for her presence then. Ardeth looked up at me when he had finished the wrapping. I yanked the gauze out of his grip and started to wrap his shoulder to prevent him from moving. 

“Holy smokes, look at the size of that thing. It’s like a golf ball on your finger.” I heard Jon gasp as he caught sight of the rock on my finger. I watched my husband's face seeing a smile start to form. I could tell he was delighted at the reaction.

“Oh my god, it’s absolutely beautiful, let me see,” Evy said, brushing past Rick’s shoulder and kneeling down as well. I gave her my left hand and saw Rick turn as red as a tomato. Evy noticed the wedding band, I felt her fingers move it a little. 

“You and he?” she asked with a soft smile gracing her face. I nodded unsure how to break this news to my brother. 

“I wasn’t even invited.” I heard Rick slowly put the pieces together. His voice didn’t hold a tone of anger but rather sadness. 

“She is that missing link for me as you have found with Evelyn,” Ardeth uttered, watching me entirely while he said it. I smiled at him, unable to resist him. I leaned forward, capturing his lips in a soft peck. I stood up wincing at the blood rush to my legs walking toward my brother. His eyes met mine and it looked as if he was mulling something over. 

“You never were one to take things slowly. Are you sure about this?” Rick asked me, I nodded. 

“Alright, Ardeth, welcome to the chaos.” He said as he walked over to hug the man. As he did I saw Ardeth wince as his shoulder got the brunt of it. When Rick let go he chuckled a bit, 

“Watch out for her, she’ll annihilate you with swords… But it seems you’ve already figured that out.” He said. 

“Yes, a butcher taught her how to fight, not a swordsman.” He repeated the words he had told me just a few minutes ago.

“Yes, what was his name again Eris? Gary? It was some weird name.” I sighed as he kept the conversation going. I wanted to get off the topic.

“Geralt.” I said shortly, Evy knew what I was talking about as her head spun toward me with wide eyes. She cleared her throat, regaining her composure. 

“Yeah, that was it… I seem to remember--” Rick kept going as I gave Evy a look, she elbowed him in the ribs to get him to stop talking. 

“What was that for?” He grumbled looking down at Evy next to him. 

“We really should get started on finding out where the golden book is.” She said as she spun around and started walking towards the stairwell. 

“Sorry? What gold book?” I asked her as Ardeth and I followed the group up the stairs with the curator leading us toward the room that held the tablet sitting at the top of the steps. 

“Well, according to legend the black book that the Americans found at Hamunaptra is supposed to bring people back from the dead. Until now it was a notion I was unwilling to believe” Evy explained.

“Well believe it sister, that's what brought our buddy back to life,” Rick told her with a scoff in his voice as we made it to the first landing. 

“Yes, and I’m thinking if the black book can bring dead people to life…” Evy started her thought. 

“Then maybe the gold book will kill him.” Rick finished her sentence. 

“That’s the myth. Now, we just have to find out where the gold book is hidden.” Evy explained as we reached the second floor. 

“Imhotep” I could hear the chanting start outside. 

“What’s that?” I asked them unsure what to expect when we left the safety of the museum. Evy turned around away from the tablet to look out the window. 

“Last but not least, my favorite plague, boils and sores.” Jon morbidly breathed out. 

“They have become his slaves. So it has begun, the beginning of the end.” Ardeth said his hand slipping into mine. 

“Not quite yet it hasn’t. Come on.” Evy replied to everyone determined to get us out of this mess. She ran quickly back to the tablet as I eyed the crowd forming outside. I squeezed Ardeth’s hand as I moved quickly back down the stairs ignoring the pain that spread through my leg. 

“Where’re you going?” I heard Rick ask looking down at me over the railing with Ardeth. 

“To get a sword. We won’t be able to shoot our way out of this.” I told him as I continued on my mission. Ardeth nodded at me but I could tell he wasn’t happy to let me go alone. My legs carried me toward the path that Ardeth had led me down to the basement.

The air turned cold as I rushed through the storage area towards where the concrete turned to sand in the training area. I ran to the wooden stand and reached for the sheath strapping it to my back, then grabbing the sword that I had used not long ago to prove my skill to my husband. Just as I was about to sheath it my eyes flickered to Ahmanet hiding in the shadows of the room near the wall. Not wanting to confront the demon standing in front of me I turned on my heel trying to escape from her foreboding presence. Before I could start a run the wind was knocked from my lungs as I felt the cold concrete of the wall on my back. I groaned as I hit the floor, she was pissed and stronger than she was before. 

“You thought you could escape me?” She muttered walking up to my curled-up body on the floor as I coughed blood coming out of my mouth. I knew immediately that I had broken a rib as it hurt to breathe. I spit the blood from my mouth grabbing a handful of sand discreetly. 

“I can always try,” I told her, attempting to get up from the ground. She stopped that movement, putting a hand on my neck and pushing my face further into the grains of sand. I stopped struggling against her, the force too much for my broken body to withstand. 

“ARDETH!!” I yelled out before Ahmanet pulled me up by my neck, the cold wall behind my back again as she silenced my voice. I struggled to breathe as she choked me. 

“He can't hear your screams of peril,” She said menacingly as I tried to pry her hands away from my throat but the attempts I made didn’t matter as I started to see black fog my vision. I remembered the sand I held in my hand and thrust the grain at her face. She scoffed and squeezed tighter. The world fading away. I could hear my heart pounding in my ears slowing down. Just before the black took my entire world away I was dropped back onto the ground a groan emitting from my throat as I lay there for a second catching my breath yet again. 

“Eris, my love.” I heard his words echo through the space unwilling to open my eyes for fear I wasn’t in my body anymore. 

“What the hell happened?” I heard Rick as his feet hit the sand. 

“Open your eyes.” I heard Ahmanet’s now disembodied voice coming from inside my mind. I did as she asked, seeing Ardeth crouched in front of my head. I looked around the room trying to find her again. 

“She’s back, she was here,” I uttered, unsure how else to explain it at first. 

“She’s growing stronger from the catalyst of Imhotep rising. It’s almost as if she’s here with me in the physical world.” Ardeth nodded slowly then touched his forehead to mine. The intimate moment was interrupted by my brother clearing his throat.

“I hate to interrupt such a caring moment but we should really get going.” Evy said, breaking the tense silence that fell over the room. I moved to get up from the floor feeling the aches and pains more prominent this time. I reached for the sword that had dropped from my hand when I had tried to run away. I put it in the sheath behind my back, straightening out my muscles and stretching them. 

“Alright, let’s go.” I followed the group from the basement and out to the front of the building where Jonathan was waiting with the car. Right before Jonathan could punch the gas to get us out of there I heard a voice yell from the steps of the museum. 

“IMHOTEP!! IMHOTEP!!” Beni yelled, getting the mummy’s attention from where we had been standing at the window just a few minutes ago. Imhotep screamed, his jaw unhinging covered with decay that had not been fixed yet. The last person he would need was Daniels who was safely in the car with us. I cringed, not wanting to think about the man’s fate. I felt Ardeth’s arm hook around my shoulder steadying me as the car took off in the direction of the inner city streets. 

“You’re gonna get yours Beni, you hear me? You’re gonna get yours!”Rick yelled from the front seat of the car near Jon. He drove through the streets of houses that covered the block. Jon stopped abruptly, the brakes of the car squealing as we faced a mob of Imhotep’s slaves. After a moment of sitting there, Rick used his foot to push the car forward causing Jon to let out a squeak as the car started to move forward into the mob of people. 

“Hang on,” Rick told the rest of us as people started to hit the windshield of Jon’s car. After being bulldozed they started to climb onto the car. Separating me from Ardeth as we both prepared for a fight. I grabbed the dagger I had hidden in my boot, slashing the wrists of a few that were gripped onto the love of my life. I ducked as I noticed Ardeth about to punch me in the face. I heard the scream of a man behind me who went flying off the car and into some baskets of food that lined the streets. 

“O’Connell, O’Connell!!” I heard Daniels scream as he was being carried off the car by a few of the indentured. I shared a brief look with Ardeth as we let him go, continuing to fight off the others that were still latched onto the car. For a moment it was silent and everyone stopped. The crowd was gone from around us, going after the last American that had opened that chest in Hamunaptra. As soon as I had taken a breath a huge crash sent my body forward through the air. I felt Ardeth grab my shoulders holding me in place where we stood in the back of the car. The mob caught up to us, Ardeth pushed me out of the car to follow Evy, Jon, and the curator standing in front of the market that used to be set up every Sunday to buy fruits and other things that tourists would enjoy. I reached for my sword on my back holding it in front of the crowd that was starting to surround us. Rick was trying to hold them off with the torch he had picked up from the street. 

“It’s the creature, he’s fully regenerated.” Dr. Bay whispered to us pulling me from the nostalgic thought. The crowd made a path for Imhotep to walk through. There was no longer decay on his mouth he was entirely whole now. 

“Come with me, my princess it is time to make you mine for all eternity.” Imhotep walked up to Evy. I felt Ahmanet rise to the surface, once again. My posture changed abruptly as I looked over at Ardeth to find him already watching me. He reached for my hand and Ahmanet quickly pulled it away from him. I watched as his eyes showed a hurt expression watching as my eyes doubled. He knew what was coming.

“For all eternity, idiot.” Evy corrected Beni’s words as he was translating for the rest of us. 

“Fight her Eris.” I heard Ardeth whisper to me, catching the attention of the curator. I did as he asked, trying to push toward the front of my mind and get her out of my body. I felt her start to lose hold. 

“Take my hand and I will spare your friends.” Imhotep said to us. 

“Oh dear… Have you got any bright ideas?” Evy said to Rick as she debated her options. 

“You have nowhere else to go but with him” I heard my voice ring through the air. I pushed Evy forward towards Imhotep. I watched as Rick looked back toward me his eyes widening at the sight of me. He looked to Ardeth briefly sharing a look as one of his hands left the torch for Evy.

“I’m thinking, I’m thinking.” He said to her as I felt Ardeth wrap a chain around my wrists behind me. I felt Ahmanet scream in my head as the silver touched my skin. I crumpled into a sitting position on the ground. 

“You better think of something fast, because if he turns me into a mummy you're the first one I’m coming after.” Evy said to Rick as she started to walk forward revealing me behind her. At the sight of Imhotep Ahmanet easily broke the chain that bound my wrists, the jolt of energy pushing me toward Evy and Imhotep. She shared a look with the fully regenerated mummy.

“No,” Rick grunted out a look of desperation reaching for his pistol. Ardeth quickly reached out and stopped him from shooting. He held him back his own emotions running wild across his face. 

“Don’t, he still has to take me to Hamunaptra to perform the ritual,” Evy told Rick watching as the two men struggled internally with letting us go. My back straightened as I put the sword away watching my husband hold back my brother. 

“The sword skills were a delightful surprise Eris. They will come in handy.” She said to me as she let go of control for just a second. Allowing me to speak.

“I love you,” I whispered, talking to them both unsure if this was where we left each other forever.

“She is right, live today, fight tomorrow.” Ardeth breathed out not wanting to let me out of his sight. Rick put the pistol away begrudgingly knowing that it wouldn’t help the current situation. 

“I’ll be seeing you again.” Rick glared at Imhotep and me. 

“Evelyn,” Rick uttered as we turned away from him and started to walk towards the path that had been cleared for us out of the city. I watched as Ahmanet started to converse with the mummy. I was too bogged down with her to struggle anymore. I needed to refresh my mind to figure out a way out of this. I slowly let the darkness consume me as we traveled back across the desert toward the city that had started this unending nightmare. 

Next Chapter

[iamamythologicalcreature]

Carry On Through the Ages (all the way back to Ancient Egypt)

"A Prophesied Rivalry:

This painting, remarkably well-preserved, was recovered from the tomb of a previously unknown and as-yet unidentified woman of significant power, whose rediscovery has fascinated Egyptologists. Historical analysis suggests she was believed to possess a gift for prophecy, and this artwork is very likely an attempt to illustrate one of her visions.

Here, she and her husband are depicted championing their son, who faces an outsider in combat. The outsider is also supported by an enigmatic figure of seemingly great power, foretelling a great struggle between two mighty forces, though whether these forces were meant to be supernatural or more mundane is not clear.

The dog shown, intriguingly, held a place of honor within the family and was found interred in a nearby chamber. The cat's presence, however, remains enigmatic, as the "Cats vs Dogs" reputation cultivated by these domesticated animals today is not something observed elsewhere in Ancient Egyptian artwork. Noted Egyptologists Miriam Blackwood and Theodore Langston have half-jokingly speculated that its inclusion was a mere artistic preference, hinting at the painter’s fondness for cats."

I've always loved Ancient Egyptian art, ever since childhood. I've wanted to do something like this ever since I first read of Baz's ancestry, so @carryonthroughtheages seemed the best excuse to dabble in this ancient art style.

I talked to @monbons about it and apparently the stars and planets were in alignment that day, because she agreed to collaborate with me. She’s created some absolutely gorgeous fiber art to go along with Natasha’s prophecies. And then she surprised me with a Baz doll, because she is amazing. (I love him so much and we are going to look at fashion books together. It’s going to be awesome.)

This is definitely fanart of both Ancient Egyptian art and Snowbaz. Both are worth diving into if you find yourself curious to know more!

[thomas-life]

Here's some fanart I made of Mummy Joe's character Missy from his YouTube/instagram short "Deathface the Horsey."

I don't know what it is about their characters but I felt compelled to draw this brave rootin' tootin' rebel.

Obviously I took come artistic liberties seeing as Mummy Joe doesn't do a lot of details...

I hope Missy makes it to the Grand Canyon so she and Deathface can jump it!

[yandere-fetish]

2024 Monstober Masterlist

Oct. 1 - Haunted House “Yandere’s House of Horrors”

Oct. 2 - Under the Sea “Treacherous Waters”

Oct. 3 - Dinner and A Show “A Bloody Good Show”

Oct. 4 - Ancient Tomb “To Worship or To Be Worshiped”

Oct. 5 - Spider’s Web

Oct. 6 - Candy

Oct. 7 - Costume Shopping

Oct. 8 - Old book

Oct. 9 - Witch’s Brew

Oct. 10 - Spooky ball

Oct. 11 - Transmigration

Oct. 12 - Skeleton

Oct. 13 - Unlucky 13

Oct. 14 - Black Cat

Oct. 15 - Flames

Oct. 16 - Tentacles

Oct. 17 - Full Moon

Oct. 18 - Bloody fangs

Oct. 19 - Scythe

Oct. 20 - Pumpkins

Oct. 21- Corn maze

Oct. 22 - Hex

Oct. 23 - Ouija Board

Oct. 24 - Slasher

Oct. 25 - Zombies

Oct. 26 - Crystal Ball

Oct. 27 - Animatronics

Oct. 28 - Black Candle

Oct. 29 - Scarecrow

Oct. 30 - Mixing Potions

Oct. 31 - Sacrifice

[romancemedia]

Highlights of 2023 - My Top Couples

[deathshadowed]

𝔻𝕖𝕒𝕥𝕙 𝕨𝕖𝕒𝕣𝕤 𝕒 𝕄𝕒𝕚𝕕𝕖𝕟'𝕤 𝕗𝕒𝕔𝕖

𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐝 // 𝐕𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐬

+18 only, fandomless, heavily Western / gothic Western rooted original character Karma with many significant verses to fit into certain fandoms & scenarios. Selective, OC & crossover friendly. Mun & muse are +21

𝐈𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐫

𝔼𝕩𝕡𝕝𝕠𝕣𝕚𝕟𝕘: an unexpected take on death, chasing adrenaline at all costs, fears no evil because she is Death and the valley is hers along with the shadows, supernatural elements hidden in plain sight, 12 lives in two chambers, buried but never healed grief, a name which eventually catches up with everyone like death does, the true definition of chaotic little shit good, slow decline of identity, yet an another Véghváry who has no idea how she's gotten cursed, gritty gothic western & everything that comes with it

♡ / ↻ 𝐢𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐩𝐚𝐲 𝐃𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐡 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐚 𝐯𝐢𝐬𝐢𝐭 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭

𝓛𝓮𝓽 𝓵𝓸𝓸𝓼𝓮 𝓫𝔂 𝓙𝓪𝓼𝓶𝓲𝓷𝓮

[lonelylittledot]

you ever want to go on an epic supernatural adventure and fall in love with a charming swashbuckling rogue, but then you remember you have anxiety so bad you can barely write an email

[ava-of-shenanigans]

So, I watched The Mummy (1999) last night, and I thought it was a good movie (inaccurate to ancient Egypt and Egyptology, but still a good movie). But it did remind me of this one story from Greek period ancient Egypt, that’s actually kind of similar to the plot of the movie? So I’m gonna ramble about that for a while now.

This story is called Setne and Naneferkaptah, and it also has a Person Who Is An Expert In Fields Related To The Mummies and Curses™ looking for a magic book that’s protected by curses, and a dead guy from an older time and his girlfriend (wife, in this story) who want to stop them from doing that. The Expert™ in this story is Prince Setne (he’s a magician), who was an actual real guy who existed, he was the son of Ramesses II, and he was used in ancient Egyptian fiction as the protagonist of a few stories, not just this one. The magic book is called the Book of Thoth, it was made by the god Thoth, and there two spells in it that will give you a bunch of cool powers, including being able to talk to animals. The dead guy who’s tomb Setne breaks into is called Naneferkaptah, and he stole the book of Thoth from the original place where it was, but then him, his wife Ahwere, and his son all got killed by the gods because of that, so now the Book of Thoth is in his tomb.

Anyway, the story (well, the surviving parts of it that we have) starts with Setne in the the tomb of Naneferkaptah, with Ahwere telling him the story of how she and Naneferkaptah got married and were really happy, but were then killed after Naneferkaptah stole the Book of Thoth. The place Naneferkaptah steals the Book of Thoth from originally isn’t a tomb, it’s a multilayered box at the bottom of a huge body of water. I guess there are what you could call “traps” around it? There’s just a bunch of bugs. And snakes. Six miles of scorpions and snakes and other reptiles all around the box. Naneferkaptah uses a spell to get past all the bugs and snakes, and then he fights the guardian of the book, which is another snake. He fights it thee times, the first two times it comes back to life, but the third time he cuts it in half and it stays dead.

Setne demands they give him the book after Ahwere finishes telling him that story, and Naneferkaptah is like, “Dude, my wife just told you how taking this book is a super bad idea, why do you still want it?” But Setne is doing that protagonist thing where just hearing the story within a story isn’t enough to get him to learn the moral, and bad things have to happen to him in order for him to learn it, so he plays board games with Naneferkaptah to try and win the book from him. Setne keeps losing, and every time he loses Naneferkaptah hits him the head with the board they’re using, which makes him sink deeper and deeper into the sand he’s standing on. This keeps happening until Setne is about to suffocate in the sand, at which point he just cheats and steals the book from Naneferkaptah with magic.

Then there’s this fakeout sequence, where Setne gets so horny for a woman that he’s willing to orders all his children to be killed in order to sleep with her, but at the last moment it turns out the woman wasn’t real, Setne’s kids are fine, it didn’t actually happen and Setne’s just naked and embarrassed now. Having learned an important lesson about the destructive nature of greed, Setne returns the book to Naneferkaptah. Setne also finds the bodies of Ahwere and her son (they were buried in a seperate tomb) and moves them to Naneferkaptah‘s tomb, so they can be dead and in love together for the rest of time.

So anyway, if you ever wondered about what ancient Egyptian stories about tomb robbing cursed texts were like, now you know.

[bronzewool]

Me researching genetically engineered fish after spending the last two years obsessing over FFVII and its entire SOLDIER programme subplot:

"I'm going to use this information responsibly" - I lied like the liar I am

Research Variation

Rainbow Trout - To study muscle development

Zebrafish - To study heart tissue repair and failure

Grasscarp - To study lactoferrin

Pet Variation

Zebrafish, Medaka Black tetra, tiger barb - Bred with the green fluorescent protein extract from jellyfish to develop fluorescent lighting when under white and ultraviolet light. Research eventually led to different colourations:

Trademarked names - "Starfire Red", "Moonrise Pink", "Sunburst Orange", "Electric Green", "Cosmic Blue", and "Galactic Purple".

Food Variation

Salmon, trout and tilapia - Injected with growth hormones to increase the rate of development by double or even 100x their regular body weight

[angel-0f-verdun]

17 As Above, So Below

Previous Chapter

I looked around concerned, I didn't recognize my surroundings. It was a place I had never been before but it did remind me of the catacombs of Hamunaptra. I looked around and to my right a torch lit, almost as if on cue, immediately pulling my attention toward it. I watched as the light bounced off the limestone walls illuminating the ornate artwork. I stood from my position on the ground hoping to find some answers from the paintings on the wall. When I walked through the room to the North wall I felt eyes on me, something was here with me in the room and I knew I needed to get out as soon as I felt the presence. The hair on my neck stood as I worked quickly to find the answers that I wanted. 

As above, so below. That which has been, will return again. As heaven, so on earth. 

I read from the wall, sighing as I knew it was just a riddle that the Egyptians loved to place in these underground areas. I looked elsewhere to see if I could find another passage to help me figure out where I was. Just as I was about to back away from the North wall and turn to the others, the uncomfortable feeling came back tenfold, and I quickly abandoned my plan to read more. I walked toward the wall again, reaching out to press on it to see if something would give way to get me out of the room. Shadows started bouncing around the room from quick-moving figures that no doubt wanted me out of the room as well. As I was starting to give up and face my fear, the wall opened sideways and torches lit one by one down a long hallway revealing a way out. Before I set my sights on running down it I decided to close the wall pushing it with all my might to keep the shadows away from where I had just escaped. Before it was completely closed I felt a sting run through my arm. Once it was closed I put my back toward the door and slid down to the ground into a sitting position. I sighed looking at my arm seeing a thin razor-like scratch running from my mid forearm to my wrist, the tattoos that had previously graced my body now gone. I watched as the blood beaded off and fell into the sand.

I knew I didn't have much time before something started to come after me in this area of the underground labyrinth. I stood tearing off a piece of cloth from my shirt and wrapping up the wound to staunch the blood flow. I pushed forward, slowly, through the well-lit corridor as it dead-ended, except for the small hole in the wall, I took a deep breath knowing there was no other way around it but I needed to continue or face an unknown death. I looked down the passageway and saw a creature curled up in the back, it resembled a very skeletal cat. I watched as it licked itself cleaning the thin leathery skin that covered its body. It noticed me, its eyes glowing yellow, hissing, it launched itself down the passageway at me. I quickly searched my person for a weapon and found a knife that was attached to my waistband. As the cat attached to my body, I thrust the knife into its body feeling it go limp the moment it touched me.

Cats are the guardians of the underworld. 

I heard Dr. Bey's voice flow through my head reminding me of the reason that cats were significant in Egyptian culture. I looked at the cat that was now at my feet curled up in an awkward position, I bet he'd never foreseen these demonic skeletal cats as protectors. I put the knife away as I started to ready myself to crawl through the very passageway that the cat had just attacked me from. I pondered the quote on the door that had led me here as I crawled through, distracting myself from the intense feeling of claustrophobia that erupted in my chest. As above, so below. I recalled a passage I had read in a book, the phrase was meant to be the key to all magic. It meant that what is within me is also outside of me. As I believe the world to be so it is. As I reached the end of the passage where the cat had been I noticed it started to go vertical, perpendicular to my current positioning. I propped myself into a squatting position as I attempted to shimmy up the passage feeling as if I was continuing to go downward instead of up as my internal compass was starting to diminish. I finally broke through into another room leaving the small hole as I pushed myself over the ledge. I heard scratching coming from behind me, I looked down to see a horde of cats running around below me trying to make their way to me from the vertical climb. It was too steep for them to climb, thank god. I looked around the room finding a wooden board to put over the hole in the floor. Right after it was covered I heard growling fill the corridor. But it wasn't emanating from a cat, rather it sounded like a giant dog. I shivered not wanting to hear what I knew was going to happen next. The tearing of flesh and monstrous hisses from the cats. I willed my emotions to remain clear as I eyed a bookshelf that could keep whatever had killed the cats from getting up here.

I stood on the wooden panel as I tried to topple the bookshelf onto the hole in the floor. When it finally fell a storm of sand and dust clouded my vision. I could feel the pounding on the board as the large dog creature tried to jump up. I felt for the wall feeling my way towards another open area. I leaned up against a column that held the ceiling up, overlooking a pit. I grimaced as I noticed the spikes that filled it just waiting for someone to fall into it. I looked around finding a rope that was tied off to the column that I was leaning on, it seemed someone else had been there before me. I pulled on the rope testing its limits, it didn't fray or break, and I felt confident enough that it would hold my weight for me to get down into the pit.

The bookshelf started shaking, propelling me to move forward quickly. I slid down the rope and into the pit where another hole in the wall opened revealing more cats. I ran towards the opposite wall where there was a door for a human to get through. I quickly moved, noticing that the cats were not after me this time, instead they were heading toward where the bookshelf was. I didn't stay too long to ponder what that was about, I was just happy that they weren't after me. I slammed the door shut behind me looking at a new chiseled limestone door. I quickly dropped to my knees trying to find a clue as I heard the cats getting louder and louder out in the pit. 

Words spoken by He who is in the Embalming Chamber: Pay attention to the decision of the truthfulness and the plummet of the balance according to its stance. For death is the doorway to new life. We live today. We shall live again. In many forms shall we return. 

I shivered as I read it but sweat dripped off my forehead. Was this it? The end of the nightmare that plagued me for so long? I watched as the door unhinged itself, debris once again moving through the area. It was dark as I stared into the room, I could barely see a foot in front of me and I knew something was in there with me before I stepped foot into the room. For an odd reason, I felt a wave of relaxation come over me, safety and ease immediately rolled over my body. I let out a sigh unsure what this feeling was and became mindfully weary of my surroundings. I walked forward into the middle, where I saw a board placed in a vertical position with straps that could hold someone in. I noticed a limp body with its head hanging down still strapped in. The man's heart was missing, more like ripped from his chest, dried blood still on his shirt. To the left of that, there was a scale next to the board. I knew exactly what this was, I was about to have my heart weighed on a scale to decide my sins of this previous world. As above, so below.

I watched horror-stricken as a jackal standing on two legs approached me from the shadows. Its skin much like the cat's, leathery and falling slowly off its skeletal form, this was Anubis. At that moment I realized what this was, this entire labyrinth was built to keep Anubis down here weighing the hearts of those who perished against Maat, the goddess of truth's feather. The muscles beneath his skin were red and decaying, it was an atrocious sight. I shrunk backward trying to fade away as the torches lit the room. Anubis roared, shaking the entire room as he stalked toward me. Before it could reach out to grab me another jackal came out from behind me. This one was not decaying or rotting instead he looked as if he had come from another world. I watched as they stalked each other roaming in a circle before lunging at each other. I stayed frozen where I stood as the two jackals fought teeth clamping on each other's necks. It lasted a while and I couldn't discern the two after so much damage had been done, they both looked the same. Eventually, there was a winner with a roar he threw the other jackal to the corridor I had come from knocking over the scales that lay in the room. Watching me curiously, his ears flicking towards me listening to my breathing. I knew immediately that this was the one who had come from behind me to protect me, at least I hoped. It slowly approached me, making sure not to scare me but because he towered over me I could immediately feel my heartbeat pick up. I was positive it could hear the beating inside my chest as it looked down at me and it lowered itself onto four legs instead of two. It came up to me and nuzzled its snout on my cheek. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding, relief washing over me. It backed away from me looking me in the eye.

"I assume you are why I felt safe coming in here?" I asked it, noticing its heterochromia, one eye brown and the other green. My brain was reeling from the fight and I didn't know what to say. 

"Set?" I asked the jackal, his ears flickered as it nodded. I felt the tattoo on my wrist burn as Set's claw touched it. The eyes of the jackal on my wrist now colored the same as the one in front of me. I gasped unsure of what to make of this moment, I knew his history and it scared me. But I knew that the only thing on my mind was getting out of this tomb and being back in my mind and body. He must have sensed my will to leave this place where his prized child Ahmanet had stuck me. He reached his paw out opening it like a chair for me to sit in. I took the opportunity as his claws wrapped around me like a toy doll. And he quickly scaled the vertical chamber out of the pyramid and set me down on the sand. In the daylight, I could fully see the size of the jackal. He was massive, about two times the statue we had seen in Hamunaptra. 

"Thank you," I told him unsure of what else to say in this unreal situation. He showed me his teeth almost as if trying to smile. I nodded and ran out of the cave and into the sunlight which quickly warmed my skin. I realized almost immediately that I was having an out-of-body experience as I watched myself being controlled by Ahmanet who was standing with pride next to Imhotep as he was tossing a plane about in the sky. Evy looked helplessly between me and Imhotep debating her next move. I wasn't sure what to do so I ran with full force toward myself. 

Next Chapter

***

Disclaimer: I do not own anything in 'The Pyramid', 'As Above, So Below', or 'The Mummy'. Only my original character within the story. 

[guiltyblogging]

Sorry in advance. My tags lost the plot. Take note and get some sleep, kids. Lack of sleep rots your brain, I'm proof.

[touchaheartnews]

How a Nigerian Woman's Early Morning Cooking Went Viral and Changed Her Life

How a Nigerian Woman's Early Morning Cooking Went Viral and Changed Her Life

Touchaheart – Mummy Zee, or Debbie, is a Nigerian woman who has become an overnight sensation on X (former Twitter). She shared a post on the social media platform about three days ago that sparked a lot of reactions and discussions. In her post, she confessed: “I’ve always been too lazy to wake up and get his lunch ready. But the day he told me a colleague brought two spoons so he’ll eat with…

[athena14044]

Here’s my Mummy movie ranking bc I didn’t watch 6 movies in a painkiller induced haze for no reason:

1. The Mummy (1932) - a little slow and I had a hard time focusing due to aforementioned pain killer induced haze but Boris Karloff slayed and it’s the only one with a unique concept which ig I can’t really complain about in a franchise like this but omg all the others feel like a worse rehash of something else not even necessarily of the original mummy

2. The Mummy’s Tomb - something about changing the setting to rural Massachusetts worked for me? It’s set in 1970 but makes no attempt to look like anything other than the 40s. If I had to choose one to remake it would be this one which probably isn’t good bc the revenge plot only works as a sequel but it literally just spent the first 10 minutes recapping Hand anyway so.

3. The Mummy’s Ghost - little dog named Peanuts <3 also kind of a bizarre iconic ending

4. The Mummy’s Hand - discount Abbott and Costello but also somehow funnier than the actual Abbott and Costello Mummy movie

5. The Mummy’s Curse - my only guess is that the only information given to the screenwriter was that the last movie ended with the Mummy walking into a swamp and bestie assumed all swamps are in Louisiana. Why is this set in a swamp in Louisiana.

6. Abbott and Costello Meet the Mummy - I really believed in this but too many bad musical sequences not enough mummy :( the only genuine laugh it got from me was bc of the giant iguana

[fandom]

Movies

Nine rings for mortal men doomed to die, five nights in an abandoned pizzeria, and one (1) fourth-generation Honda Odyssey.

Deadpool & Wolverine

Five Nights at Freddy's +26

Lord of the Rings +4

The Hunger Games +10

Saw +18

Dune +53

Barbie -6

Challengers

Trolls Band Together

Saltburn

Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse -9

Red, White, and Royal Blue -6

Transformers One

The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds & Snakes +76

A Minecraft Movie

Nimona -12

The Hobbit +10

Inside Out 2

Scream

Mean Girls +17

Sonic the Hedgehog 3

Venom: The Last Dance +21

Twilight +1

How to Train Your Dragon +8

Dead Poets Society

The Boy and the Heron

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World

Ultraman: Rising

The Marvels +48

Goncharov -27

Coraline +16

Lisa Frankenstein

Howl's Moving Castle -7

Top Gun: Maverick -14

Les Misérables +9

Luca

An Extremely Goofy Movie

Steamboat Willie

The Addams Family -30

The Super Mario Bros. Movie

Shrek -24

Spirited Away -2

The Batman -2

Twisters

Trolls World Tour

Brokeback Mountain

Fight Club +41

Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire

I Saw the TV Glow

Star Wars: Episode III—Revenge of the Sith +12

Knives Out -40

Beetlejuice Beetlejuice

Rite Here Rite Now

The Nightmare Before Christmas +19

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem -34

The Princess Bride +4

Frozen -3

Little Shop Of Horrors

Monkey Man

Thunderbolts*

Night at the Museum +9

Gladiator II

The Lion King

Alien: Romulus

Ratatouille

Soul +5

Wreck-It Ralph

The Wild Robot

Pacific Rim -6

Avatar: The Way of Water -55

Princess Mononoke -13

Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes

American Psycho -16

The Thing -26

The Fantastic Four: First Steps

The Mummy -4

Longlegs

Heathers +18

Beauty And The Beast -46

Oppenheimer -67

Alien (1979)

Titanic

Equestria Girls -9

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story -42

The Little Mermaid -67

Marie Antoinette

Pirates of the Caribbean -3

The Lost Boys -12

The Dark Knight

My Neighbor Totoro -9

John Wick -42

Ponyo

Kung Fu Panda +4

Hellraiser -19

Encanto -50

Wish

The Shining

Star Wars: Episode IV—A New Hope

Ghostbusters

Lilo & Stitch -13

The number in italics indicates how many spots a title moved up or down from the previous year. Bolded titles weren’t on the list last year.

Love movies? Discuss plots, follow franchises, and share movie memes. Right this way.

[mammoth-clangen]

What a cool lineless style! I always find they have such a crisp aesthetic (though I struggle to get lineless looking this nice, personally cycbhj XD )

Tysm for drawing Bat and giving him a zoopals plate!! I don't think they have a bat shaped one so he'd probably choose the alligator tbh XD

@promisedclan is showing a lot of, well, promise so far! Go follow them!!

Fanart for some guys!!

Suncat from @jumalanpelko .. My precious baby. Sweet little angel. She is definitely not doomed by a tragic narrative and I am NOT huffing copium. (How very guard-core of me)

It was hard to pick a design from @redwallclan . The premise and character designs are all very cool!! But I eventually went for the leader, Rimemoon. What can I say? I’m a sucker for a guy with ice motifs.

Honeyspring from @mourningsbane .. My tragic girlboss. I support women’s rights and women’s wrongs. I think she should have infinity amount of revenge. Also I’m going to go buy her kits some dinosaur chicken nuggets and some zoopals plates to eat them on. I think that will fix them.

Bat from @mammoth-clangen is such a sweetie!! A king. If anything happens to him I will be inconsolable for approximately three months. He also gets a zoopals plate to eat his prey off of. He deserves it.

Saltburn from @nanistar ‘s Saltburn’s clan.. That comic is probably my current favorite WC fancomic. Silly cats in the desert? Check. A secret clan with glowy mushrooms? Check. Horrible horrible family dynamics? Check. Go read Saltburn’s clan if you haven’t.

Finally we have Lynxpaw from @salt-clangen I really enjoy Bonefall’s work. And I have a soft spot for Cleric/Healer apprentices that have to kinda figure everything out themselves. I’m rooting for her success. You go, girlie!!

[wileys-russo]

santa's biggest fan II l.williamson

part of the mila-verse and a little belated christmas fic i never finished in time santa's biggest fan II l.williamson "okay mils, time for bed bubba!" you clapped your hands together when the movie finished, the end credits rolling and your wife heaving a sigh of relief as your daughter groaned.

"another one! i'm not tired." the small blonde demanded, curling even more into leah who smiled in amusement, but that dropped the moment you gave her a hard look of warning.

"bubba if you don't go to sleep, santa won't come!" the footballer whistled with a firm nod as mila looked up to her in shock. "he only comes when everyone is sleeping." you back her up with another nod.

"okay lets all go to bed come on!" mila announced, launching herself off the lounge and sprinting off in the direction of yours and leahs room.

"mila babe, mummy and i don't go to sleep yet. remember how we talked about grown up bedtime is different to kid bedtime?" you called after her, footsteps thundering back down the hall as you were grateful you didn't still live in the tiny upstairs apartment you and leah first moved into together years before mila was even a thought.

"then why can't i stay up with you? its a special night, mummy said so! that should mean special rules." mila huffed, bottom lip jutting out into an adorable pout as she stomped her foot.

"it is already an hour past your bedtime little miss, now go on jump into bed and we'll come in and read you a special story. right?" leah chimed in, mila shaking her head and with a resoundingly stubborn no! was off and racing around the house again as you and leah shared a knowing look.

"my love i have a feeling this is going to be a long night."

and safe to say you weren't a betting woman but you were right on the money with that predication.

"is she..." you whispered to your wife as she ever so slowly tip toed back into the living room with a quick nod and you exhaled in relief. "how many stories?" you asked with a slight smile of amusement, opening your arms as the blonde sank down into them with a huff.

"the same one, over and over, seven bloody times. i might just add in the murder of that hungry hungry caterpillar the next fucking time i read it!" leah grumbled into your neck, your body vibrating beneath her with a quiet laughter.

"its not funny! god why are kids like this? first it was that awful baby shark song, then it was that awful show about fruit and friendship or whatever, now its the same awful book on repeat!" leah whined as you merely smiled, hand slipping up her hoodie to scratch your nails gently up and down her back.

"kids just like repetition baby its safe for them, they know they won't be disappointed. almost like a defender i know who has had the same pregame routine for...what is it now? ten? eleven years?" you chuckled, leahs head whipping up to scowl down at you as her taller body hovered over yours.

"that is not the same thing!" she whisper yelled defensively as your smile widened into a grin.

"is too. or should we talk about the rotation of bland beige meals you rotate? our daughter has a more adventurous palette than you, at least she can handle some seasoning and colour!" you teased, poking your tongue out in response to her offended scoff.

"i will have you know-" your hand darted up to cover her mouth with a sharp shut up at her raised tone of voice, peeking your head up to glance over your wifes shoulder, sighing in relief when mila didn't appear.

"you know my girl there is another way you could shut me up thats much more pleasant for both of us." leah smirked once you'd removed your hand, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively as you tried to bite back your smile, her arms planting themselves either side of your head.

"is that mistletoe?" leah frowned looking up at the ceiling but the moment you tried to glance up her mouth connected with yours, your fingers pinching her side. "you're unbelievable." you mumbled against her lips with a slight snicker.

"unbelievably sexy? oh baby, how you flatter me." leah gasped sarcastically, once again kissing you quickly before you could reply, settling herself comfortably on top of you as your tongues fought for dominance of the kiss.

but before anyone could win there was an interruption, leah falling off of you in shock and groaning as her back met the floor with a thump.

"i'm not tired and i can't sleep!" mila repeated, stomping her foot with a scowl that was a near mirror image of your wives from where she sat on the floor muttering about her tailbone.

with a deep sigh you sat up, swinging yourself to push off the sofa and scooping up the tiny blonde, settling her on your hip. "well that's too bad mil, it is way past your bedtime!" you carried her back to her room, protests ringing out the entire time.

"story!" the girl demanded as you tucked her back into bed, sighing again and reaching for the book already sat on the bedside table, making yourself comfortable in the armchair by your daughters bed.

"in the light of the moon, a little egg lay on a leaf..."

~

"-then he nibbled a hole in the cocoon, pushed his way out and-" "-and he was a beautiful butterfly!" your daughter finished excitedly, clapping her hands and nowhere near close to sleep as you exhaled tiredly and snapped the book shut.

"right i've read this three times now and you're a big girl right bubba? well big girls go to sleep when they're supposed to. so you and gunner-" you paused to adjust the little dinosaur plushie held tightly in your daughters grasp.

"-are going to lay here very quietly together, until you fall asleep. or else no santa! you want santa to come visit right mils?" you ran a hand through her mess of blonde hair as she nodded eagerly.

"mama!" her hand grabbed a fistful of your hoodie as you stood and ducked down to kiss her forehead. "yes baby?" you sighed with a small smile.

"cuddles till i fall asleep? pwease?" the four year old pouted, hitting you with the puppy dog eyes she knew worked like a charm on the pair of you most of the time.

"don't do that mil, you know how to do your L's properly." you warned with a look. "please! please, please, please, please-" mila begged as you sighed, seemingly more tired than she was at this rate and knowing the later she stayed up the later you and leah had to stay up to sort out her presents.

"okay! okay okay. but just for a little while, yeah?" you gave in, gently tugging her hands off you and moving to flick the big light in her room off, leaving only the small red arsenal nightlight illuminating a pathway to her door.

"bubba no-" you tried as you laid down beside her, the four year old climbing basically on top of you, her gunnasaurus plushie squished against your cheek as you exhaled, not bothered for the argument.

one hand moving to tangle in her hair your fingers moved rhythmically against her scalp, feeling her limbs ragdoll as her body became that little bit heavier, her breathing evening out against your collarbone.

you waited a few more minutes until you were sure she was properly asleep before very very carefully moving her back into bed, wincing as you struggled to detatch her arms which seemed to be locked around your neck.

though you didn't make it two steps towards the door before she awoke again, tiredly sitting up and wiping her eyes as you exhaled with a shake of your head.

"mama no! more cuddles." "no more cuddles bubba, time to go to sleep. mama will sit by the door for five minutes until you sleep again, okay?" you bargained quietly, your daughter seeming to accept that with a nod as she sank back down in bed right as you sat down on the floor.

five minutes passed though again as you tried to leave her voice rang out for you to stay and you sank back down to the floor with a frustrated sigh, gently encouraging her to lay down and try to sleep.

ten more minutes and you managed to crawl out of the room without interruption, leaving her door open ajar and returning the living room where your wife was still sat up awake, now bundled beneath a blanket.

"come here." the defender smiled knowingly, moving the blanket and adjusting to give you some room to sit between her legs, patting the sofa encouragingly.

though your ass had barely made contact before it sounded again, now both you and leah groaning quietly.

"mama! mummy! i had a bad dream!"

~

"she's down?" you asked hopefully, now sat comfortably beneath the blanket leah once was, your wife tag teaming to go and lay down with your daughter a half an hour ago, only now emerging.

"for the count." leah confirmed with a tired nod, taking a seat beside you and wiggling beneath the blanket, grabbing your legs and moving them to rest on her lap.

"shit its nearly midnight!" leah realised with a huff, tapping her phone and seeing the time as you hummed, your head resting on her shoulder. "she's a night owl like her mummy!" you teased, patting leahs chest who flicked your ear playfully.

"god i love this movie." you hummed happily, the two of you having been watching bits and pieces of the holiday as you took turns popping in and out of your daughters bedroom to try and get her to succumb to sleep so the pair of you could play santa.

and as your movie finished and there'd been no sight of mila for at least forty minutes now, you readied yourself to do just that, the presents all neatly stacked in your bedroom as leah counted quietly to make sure everything was accounted for.

"-so the bike stays here from us, and the new predator boots go out from santa." leah rolled her eyes at that making you grin, alessia having insisted her goddaughter grew up on predators boots instead of phantoms, something which had driven leah up the wall from the very moment the topic was raised, both you and your best friend adidas athletes while she was with nike.

"i'll go check she's asleep and grab the stocking off her bed, mrs claus." you winked, stealing a kiss from the grumpy blonde whose eyes rolled.

you'd grown up doing christmas a little differently from your wife, the stocking always sat on the foot of your bed rather than hung in the living room, a tradition you'd carried on through your daughter much to leahs protests it made everything ten times harder.

and tonight unfortunately, you were about to find out she was very very right.

you ever so carefully pushed open your daughters door, sticking your head in and surveying the room. "santa?" you heard a tired voice call out groggily, quickly pulling your head back and swearing under your breath, waiting by the door for a moment to see if she'd get up.

but it would seem the small blonde was at least half asleep as no footsteps sounded, and you hurried back to the bedroom where leah was nowhere to be seen, found in the living room meticulously organising the presents beneath the tree.

"we've got a problem." you sighed as she looked up with a frown and an eyebrow raised questioningly. "she's awake still? seriously? its nearly two in the morning babe this is ridiculous!" leah whispered as your eyes rolled.

"sort of, she's not quite asleep but she's not fully awake. we could wait a little while longer?" you sighed tiredly, running a hand through your hair as leah pulled a face.

"you and i both know she's not sleeping past five in the morning babe, no matter when she falls asleep, and i need sleep to deal with our families all day!" leah whined, head thumping against the wall.

"what and i don't leah? we'll just wait ten minutes and i'll check again!" you warned, your wife too tired to protest as she nodded, joining you on the lounge a few moments later.

sure enough when you popped your head in a little while later mila appeared to be sleeping, not a peep heard as you waited a few seconds to be sure, though your breath hitched as she tossed and turned suddenly.

"she's restless, i'm worried she'll wake up." you sighed as you returned to your bedroom where leah was waiting. "you're joking yeah? it'll be fine! lets just get it over and done with." the defender scoffed bluntly, trying to stand from the bed as you pushed at her chest and sent her bouncing back down.

"leah. we are not ruining the magic of christmas for our four year old daughter who loves santa." you growled tiredly, giving her a dirty look before disappearing into the en-suite, rummaging around for something.

"well we're also not being held hostage by that four year old for another hour!" your wife growled right back as she popped up in the doorway. "correct. so, time for plan b!" you stood and leahs hardened face fell seeing what you held in your hands.

"oh absolutely the fuck not. i know what you're thinking babe and thats not happening!"

only a few minutes later, it was most definitely happening despite your wives ongoing grumbles and mumbles of protest as you carefully stuck the cotton wool balls to her face.

"this is fucking ridiculous!" leah grunted unhappily, scrunching her nose up as you finished the makeshift beard, the blonde clad in a matching red arsenal tracksuit with a couple of pillows stuffed up her jumper and a white scarf tied around her waist.

"babe i look like a bloody garden gnome not santa!" leah whined as she caught sight of herself in the mirror and winced, a red arsenal beanie with a funnel under it to create somewhat of a makeshift santa hat teetering precariously on her head.

"she won't notice in the dark if she wakes up leah. you'll just crawl in, try not to wake her, get the stocking. we fill it, you crawl in and put it very carefully back, and we're off to bed!" you recounted, shoving her out of your bedroom and toward your daughters.

"go santa go!" you whispered, hand colliding with her ass encouragingly as she jumped in surprise and turned to give you a filthy look.

"oi you better watch it, elf." the blonde pointed menacingly as your eyes rolled, hiding a smile as your wife dropped to her stomach, pushing mila's door open and very carefully commando crawling inside.

you felt as though you couldn't breathe until she returned, a hand over your mouth to stop from laughing as she crawled out again a moment later dragging the stocking with her.

"don't you dare laugh." the older girl muttered, hitting you in the face with the stocking as the air of you hurried to fill it with presents quickly as possible, your breath again stopped as leah began the crawl inside to put it back.

thankfully despite a few tired mumbles and a sleepy roll over that had leah dropping flat to the floor, her mission was successful and a very sudden burst of adrenaline filled her body as she crawled out and ever so carefully pulled the door shut with a soft click.

your own bedroom door closing you squealed as a body hurtled into yours, a few loose cotton balls falling to hit you in the head as your back hit the mattress and your wife hovered over you with a cheeky grin and an all too familiar glint in her eyes.

"now i think santa deserves a little reward for all her hard hard work tonight my darling, don't you?"