#the most tentative of metas

[welcomingdisaster]

thinking about a discussion i saw this morning (please accept these very half developed ideas!) and i do think that part of the reason that the silmarillion fandom pays less attention to female characters (outside of misogyny, which is also a huge part of it) is that basically every single woman is a wife, and most of them are mothers?

i can't help but notice that the majority of popular male characters are unmarried and childless (looking at ao3 statistics, with the notable counter-examples of elrond, who is very often a child in fanfic, and feanor, arda's most divorced elf). which is possibly because many of the most influential male characters in the silmarillion are unmarried and childless, but it does feel a little disproportional.

some very disorganized thoughts on this phenomenon, presented with very little confidence because i'm just bouncing ideas around:

queer ships are far more popular in the fandom as it stands now, because it is heavily queer, and there is very little woman-to-woman interaction in the silm. the majority of the most popular m/m ships are based on some meaningful interaction between the characters. many of f/f ships involve characters that have never met (indis/miriel, finduilas/nienor) or have very limited interactions (thuringwethil/luthien). ------------ this does not explain, however, why m/m ships between people who have no interactions at at all (erestor/glorfindel, celebrimbor/maeglin, etc) routinely get more attention than f/f ships.

basically every woman's story is defined in relation to her husband's (and usually children). idril, i think, is the semi-outlier here (and to some extent aredhel). but even then -- the majority of the male characters, even if they are married, have a lot of story outside of their marriage/relationship (so much so that characters like finrod, fingon, and angrod can go from married with children to unmarried in some drafts have very little changed!). can that be said of any married female character in the text? i don't think so. once a woman in the silmarillion marries and has children, the progression of her story is almost always defined very heavily by her relationship to her husband and children. fingon rules the same and dies the same whether or not he has a wife and son -- idril's story would be very different without tuor and earendil. feanor gets to do a lot of things after his marriage to nerdanel -- fingolfin does very much after his marriage to anaire. both of the women disappear from the story once their marriages are no longer relevant. ---- here i will note that some male characters ARE heavily defined by their relationships to their families. turgon, whose motivations are very heavily based around the death of his wife and protecting his daughter, comes to mind. so does thingol, whose wife and daughter are equally central to his story. that said, neither of those characters is popular in fandom.

to expand on the previous point: characters whose main stories are romance stories, including male characters, do not tend to be very popular. earendil has just under 700 works on ao3. beren has just over 500. (elwing and luthien, for reference, have just over 700 and 800 respectively). despite our love for shipping, the fandom seems to be disinterested in parts of the book with a heavy romance focus. is it possible that the fact that nearly every single woman having a prominent romance arc "turns fandom off" them?

only four unmarried women come to mind as counter examples (watch me miss someone obvious). these are finduilas, haleth, findis, and lalwen. findis and lalwen are footnotes that disappear quickly from the story without being given much to do (which doesn't stop us with erestor or caranthir, but still). finduilas, despite being unmarried, is heavily defined by a tragic love triangle. haleth is the notable exception -- i would say she is more popular in fandom than many women, but less than most male characters. the only real explanations i can give for her getting so little fandom attention is misogyny/bias, the general fact that humans in the silmarillion get less love than elves in fandom, and and possibly her having little connection to any of the other popular characters outside of caranthir.

that being said, i do still think misogyny/the general fandom tendency to ignore female characters in favor of male ones is responsible for a good chunk of the difference. i also really welcome feedback on these thoughts because i feel very uncertain of them. the more i think about it, the more i can find counter-examples and outliers to a lot of the trends i'm talking about here -- perhaps i overgeneralized. is there no coherent analysis to be drawn here?

currently leaning in the direction of "this is a vague but not all-encompassing trend in the text, which affects fandom to some extent without explaining the preference for male characters and m/m ships entirely."

[vidavalor]

The Vavoom: Or, when the show's hinting Crowley & Aziraphale first kissed

It was not in 2.06, if that makes you feel any better?

Meta/theory hybrid stuffity stuff below the cut. As always, all interpretations are valid. This isn't meant to offend anyone who sees things differently. Post contains spoilers for the films 'Kiss Me Deadly' (1955), 'About Time' (2013), 'Love Actually' (2003), and 'Four Weddings and a Funeral' (1994). Apologies that this took a few days. Life's been wild this week. Let's dive in...

Right. So. The Vavoom...

I feel like most of us, by this point, are probably in agreement that Crowley is not talking about something he saw in a Richard Curtis film when he talks about his plan to help The Shop Lesbians to fall in love... and that, if he's not talking about something he saw in a movie, then he's talking about something he experienced... and yes, sure, absolutely Crowley has been on Earth for 6,000 years and could have vavoomed with basically anyone who has ever lived at this point as well as one semi-sentient car and even the world's once only-remaining unicorn but... we all know he's talking about Aziraphale. So this is about unraveling what the show presents as Clues to this end and using those Clues to solve for x and see if we can prove that Crowley is talking about Aziraphale and then figure out when this Vavoom happened with the information the show has given us so far... and the good news is that we can do all of those things so here we go...

The first thing to do is to eliminate the Richard Curtis films. Let's just start with Crowley saying that he saw his whole vavoom moment in "a Richard Curtis film." As someone who has seen a frankly embarrassing number of Richard Curtis films, I can tell you that this is a very amusing misdirect from a writing standpoint. It is amusing because it's a wink of sorts towards the same problem that comes up when you try to find The Vavoom on the GO timeline based on what the show's presented so far. What is that problem? It's that-- at first, cursory glance-- no one GO scene or Curtis film seems to have everything Crowley describes. Don't worry, though, because we actually do have enough information to find the lone caraway seed beneath these three cowrie shells here. You'll be Aziraphale-voicing an "a-HA!" very soon. :)

There are only two Richard Curtis films that feature elements Crowley lists as having occurred during The Vavoom: 'About Time' and 'Four Weddings and a Funeral.' The Awning of a New Age scene in GO actually winds up an homage of sorts to 'About Time', as it is referencing it pretty heavily. However, there is no vavooming in 'About Time'; meaning, there is not this gaze-to-kiss moment that Crowley is talking about. A wedding reception tent collapses under heavy rain and soaks several supporting characters in the film, much like how our supporting characters Nina and Maggie get soaked by too much rain causing the awning to collapse. There is no gaze or almost-kiss or kiss before it. There are other canopies-- umbrellas-- but no one gazes or kisses under one. So, Crowley did not see The Vavoom in 'About Time'-- but that particular Richard Curtis film might have been the one in Crowley's mind when he quickly latched onto Richard Curtis films while speaking with Aziraphale in the pub.

As a result, thinking about his conversation with Aziraphale while trying to craft his Shop Lesbians Vavoom might have actually caused him to over-weather and cause the awning to drench Maggie & Nina. So the joke there is more that The Original Vavoom of which Crowley is speaking in the pub scene is something that really happened and had an element or two in common with a scene in the Richard Curtis film, 'About Time', which also features Bill Nighy (see: 'Love Actually' stuff below), whose mannerisms Crowley seems to like to emulate at times. As a result of seeing the film and thinking about how it *wasn't* like The Vavoom-- the canopy collapsing, the lack of an actual Vavoom in motion prior to this, all of that disappointing Crowley greatly when he saw this film lol-- Crowley ironically then says he got the whole idea of The Vavoom from a Richard Curtis film... when, in fact, *the distinct lack of Vavoom* in the film was what Crowley remembered from it... and then, upon thinking of the pub discussion when trying to start an Awning of a New Age for Maggie & Nina, it accidentally became part of his miracle, causing him to over-Weather and, kind of hilariously, substituted the kiss Crowley was trying to incite with the collapsing awning scene from 'About Time'... the film then disappointing him all over again lol.

The other Richard Curtis film that is relevant is 'Four Weddings and a Funeral.' You might be familiar with the scene-- its ending scene-- just from cultural osmosis as this point, even if you haven't seen the film. Hugh Grant proposes to Andie MacDowell in the pouring rain. So, the big problem with this scene is that there is no canopy. None. Whatsoever. They're soaked through. We never see them go inside. They look into each other's eyes and they kiss but it's raining on them the whole time and Crowley is really specific about his canopy requirements for Vavooming. This scene is also wrong because it's a proposal between characters who have known one another on and off for years and have a more extensive history, whereas Nina and Maggie are much earlier in a potential relationship and The Vavoom Crowley talks about is an intense gaze into a first kiss. That said... just as how 'About Time' ties to Nina & Maggie's story, there are some 'Four Weddings'-y elements to Crowley & Aziraphale's relationship, in that their story also covers them meeting up through different points in time and such. 'Four Weddings' was also the first mainstream, hit rom com to openly feature queer characters in supporting roles so it's a strong one for GO to be referencing... but, ultimately, no Crowley-described Vavoom scene in sight.

Finally, there's 'Love Actually', which doesn't actually have a single element in it that pertains to The Vavoom but I'm throwing it in here because I'm just looking at all GO ties to Richard Curtis films at this point. 'Love Actually' features Nina Sosanya (GO's Nina, of course) as a queer-coded character and, in GO, David Tennant has a few scenes where he seems to be channeling Bill Nighy's Billy Mack from 'Love Actually' in S1. (Tell me Crowley's not doing Billy Mack's walk when they cross the street to the bookshop in Eleven Years Ago in S1 lol.) For those of you who have somehow avoided seeing this movie lol, Billy Mack is an aging rock star who is the best character in the film and heavily queer-coded. In S2, there's also some Big Bill Nighy Energy in the "we'll just to have to make it worthwhile then" bit with Muriel in Heaven and also in the way he chuckles in the "I *was* there, you see" moment with Gabriel. Also probably worth mentioning that, in 'About Time', Bill Nighy plays the dad of one half of the main couple in the movie and his role is to teach him how to live life and this involves pursuing the woman he is trying to marry throughout his ability to fall through time. So, Bill Nighy is basically playing the S2 Crowley of 'About Time' while the main couple of that film parallels Maggie & Nina, in that he's setting up the scenario for the couple involved to get together. Nothing in the film, though, is as overt or contains elements that match The Vavoom, other than the collapsed awning, as we got into above.

So mah point is dolphins that while there are a couple of Richard Curtis films that contain bits and pieces of what Crowley is talking about, there isn't a single one that has anything really remotely close to the, uh, extremely specific scenario he was detailing... so now we have to look at just what the hell Crowley's on about, exactly... and for this, we are, surprisingly, going to wind up looking at a very different film from any by Richard Curtis-- 1955's classic film noir, 'Kiss Me Deadly'. Why this random film, you say? Because it's actually not at all random to GO S2. It's the origins of the phrase "vavoom"... and S2 of GO contains a multi-episode homage to the film.

'Kiss Me Deadly' is, tonally, very different from GO as it's pretty dark film noir but it has a plot you might find a little familiar. One night, driving down a dark road, the main character picks up a hitchhiker who has lost her memory. After she's murdered, the film revolves around the main character-- a private investigator-- and his lover/partner investigating the case to try to solve the mystery. GO's episode "The Hitchhiker" opens with a plot and visual homage to this film when Aziraphale picks up Shax in The Bentley and obviously S2 contains a plot surrounding a mystery related to a character who has lost their memory in Gabriel. I'm going to do a separate thing that is a deeper dive into this with particular emphasis on how the lead characters relate to Crowley and Aziraphale at another point in time because it crosses into too many other things to fit it into this one at the moment but the reason why I bring the film up now is because of its ties to the phrase "vavoom."

"Vavoom", alternatively spoken as "va va voom" and containing the same meaning, is thought to have originated in a cartoon in the late 1940s but its use in "Kiss Me Deadly" in 1955 is what pushed it into popular, cultural use and knowledge. In the film, there's a character named Nick, who is friends with the two leads (the Crowley & Aziraphale-paralleling Hammer and Velda). They have nicknamed him "Va Va Voom" because he says it so often. Nick is an auto mechanic who works on the leads' car-- yes, there's a Bentley parallel lol-- and it is his use of the phrase that made it one we are familiar with today. But what does it really mean exactly in terms of this scene in the pub?

Without going too far down the road that we wind up in another meta about wordplay and symbolism in S2 here, the show is doing things related around the word 'passion' and all of its various meanings. It begins with Aziraphale referring to Maggie's feelings for Nina as "a pash"-- which is British English slang for "a crush" or "an infatuation". It comes from the word "passion"... but the word "passion" actually means something much different. "Passion" is very specifically romantic, erotic love when used to describe a relationship. It means enthusiasm when about a hobby or the like-- Aziraphale will get the neighbors to come to the meeting/ball by negotiating their commitment based on things they're passionate about-- Mr. Arnold and Doctor Who, Mutt and the history of magic. Finally, S2 is tying a lot of this passion-related plot to *The* Passion-- as in, The Passion of the Christ, or the Christian phrase for the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Why is it called 'The Passion' anyway? Because the Latin root of 'passion' is 'pati', which actually means 'to suffer.' Looking at all of this and how the show pairs up scenes with different types of passion is a whole other meta. I'm bringing it up here because of the relationship between 'passion' and 'vavoom'...

"Vavoom" means voluptuously sexy. It means passionate. Something having a sense of "vavoom" or "vavavoom" means it is either suggestive of or is sensually pleasing. In GO S2, Maggie & Nina represent the pash use of passion-- the new love, the crush-- while Crowley & Aziraphale are the show's example of passion in its fuller, richer meaning of romantic, erotic love. So now that we eliminated the idea that Crowley is talking about having seen an example of this vavoom he's talking about in a movie-- I mean, 'Kiss Me Deadly' is totally a movie Crowley saw once so he might have first heard the phrase in it, like many people did but there's no vavoom itself the way Crowley describes it in the film, just the phrase-- but yeah, now that we've eliminated the idea that Crowley got his idea from a film, we can say with relative ease that he's talking about something he personally experienced. I think we can all agree that if he did, it was with Aziraphale and the purpose of him bringing it up in the scene is not just as a suggestion to solve the issue of needing to matchmake The Shop Lesbians but as a way of being seductive towards Aziraphale.

This is also part of 'Kiss Me Deadly' in that Crowley here is the Velda to Aziraphale's Hammer. Hammer is preoccupied with the mystery. Velda tries to help him solve it but is also seeking his romantic attention the whole time and being rebuffed in favor of the mystery. It's darker in the film, as you'd probably expect, since it's film noir, and Aziraphale is actually subtly playing back in GO S2. In GO, it's mostly played off as Crowley, kicked out of bed since the religious family are in the guest room lol, continuously making overtures towards Aziraphale to torment him a little for the whole Gabriel situation but also mainly just because he likes to and he misses him. (It has been, like, maybe 18 whole hours lol.) He continues it into later in the day when Muriel is in the bookshop and Aziraphale is a little more overtly playful then but he is in the pub scene as well. All of this also ties into the fact that Aziraphale wants to drive The Bentley but again, that's a whole other meta. Going to stay focused on the kiss here...

So what we're saying is that, in the scene in The Dirty Donkey, Crowley does that whole lean and the sexy hands and that super posh voice he does from time to time to seduce Aziraphale, and describes their first kiss back to Aziraphale when asked to come up with a romantic solution to help their neighbors realize they are in love. Specifically, Crowley says this:

Whew. *fans self* Jesus, Crowley... No wonder why Aziraphale thought you could help The Shop Lesbians. That? Was romantic...

The key thing I love about this is that while everything he says lends itself to the idea of a kiss, he doesn't actually explicitly say that until the later scene in the back room when Muriel is in the bookshop-- the "one fabulous kiss" part. It's evident later on when he explains the plan to Jimbriel and when he puts it into action that his intent is to trigger a scenario that might prompt Maggie and Nina into kissing and when the awning collapses, he feels like he failed at the overall Vavoom. He did, however, see it working from across the street, such were the fireworks, when they looked into each other's eyes and what's sweet and also very hot about this scene in the pub is that the looking into each other's eyes is the key bit of The Vavoom to Crowley. The kiss is what happened as a result of looking into each other's eyes. The romance of the gaze and the passion of the kiss = The Vavoom but the latter without the former isn't the whole rapturous, perfect moment and Crowley is into this moment. He's still weak in the knees over the thought of it.

And what he says happened in it? They looked into each other's eyes and realized they were made for each other? Crowley thinks that. He says that, flat out, to Aziraphale. Crowley. Who was abandoned by the God who was supposed to love him believes that same God created he and Aziraphale for each other. That they're fated, destined soulmates. And that they both knew it, in that moment when they were taking shelter from a sudden rainstorm together, under a canopy, and they gazed into each other's eyes and then

Yes, I am aware that he says "humans" in that bit in the pub scene. He's referring to Nina & Maggie but also he and Aziraphale have a tendency to refer to their love for one another in human terms in different scenes throughout the series, which is probably a whole other meta and *refocuses on finding this damn kiss here*...

So Crowley-- while heavily emphasizing the words "together" and "canopy", both for maximum sexiness and to lead us in the correct direction lol-- tells us what's needed in this scene, right? We need a sudden rainstorm, a canopy, them wet from the rain and taking shelter, Crowley's glasses to be off or he's in a situation to be able to take them off (ironically, unlike he was when he was in the pub while he's talking about all this erotic gazing), and then we have all this gazing into a very vavoom-y, very passionate first kiss.

So, what scenes seem at all remotely tied to things Crowley describes for The Vavoom? There are three scenes that jump out immediately-- and it's none of them lol. They *are not kidding* about quite literally 'three cowrie shells and a lone caraway seed'. There are three scenes that they want you to think could be connected to this and be distracted by to complete their sleight of hand trick. They want you to look towards Aziraphale's hand and not up his sleeve, so to speak.

So the three cowrie shells scenes here are Before the Beginning, Eden, and the Job minisode. Why? They are the scenes that involve Crowley and Aziraphale and some form of a canopy, which is one of the two words in Crowley's whole Vavoom moment that he heavily emphasizes. So it's not Before the Beginning and it's not Eden and why? Because we're missing the other word Crowley heavily emphasizes-- *together.* Crowley and Aziraphale took shelter from a sudden rainstorm *together* under a canopy. That's the set up. But Before the Beginning and Eden-- the first scenes our minds run to-- are not this because they are sheltering *one another* but not sheltering *together*. One of them is exposed to the rain each time.

There's an additional possibility that is thrown into the mix that is tied to these two scenes, which is the S2 announcement poster-- the one that features Crowley and Aziraphale on Whickber Street in the rain. That one is also out because Crowley is being sheltered from the rain by Aziraphale with a tartan umbrella (ridiculously adorable, I agree lol)-- but they're not both sheltering together. That one feels like it was designed just to fuck with us, especially because Crowley's hair in it is, for some reason, at Eleven Years Ago length in it. It's almost like it exists to both be cute and to, after the season is over, make us go wait... was it then? (It was not then.) More distractions. Ok, so, then what about the Job minisode?

Is it ox rib night? This seems to have some elements at play-- there's a roof and a storm and them together and all-around kiss vibes-- but it's actually not this, either. That said? Job is connected to it in a big way and helps prove my theory here so we're going to come back to it. I'll eliminate it here by pointing out that when Crowley defends The Vavoom as a possibility for Maggie & Nina to Aziraphale, he says "get humans wet and staring into each other's eyes" and "humans" in that bit is them, even if they are not fully. This eliminates the Job minisode as The Vavoom because it confirms that Crowley & Aziraphale did get wet as they went to shelter from the storm. In the Job minisode, they never go out in it. So, Job is out, too.

Ok, so then how do we find the one scene that unlocks this and points us towards the answer hidden in plain sight in front of us?

What is the one scene that really should tell us more about The Vavoom? How about the one wherein Crowley partially recreates it?

The Awning of a New Age is the lone carraway seed. Maggie & Nina paralleling Crowley & Aziraphale. What can we learn about what happened with Crowley & Aziraphale from what happened in this Maggie & Nina scene?

We already know that Crowley feels like he partially failed at recreating The Vavoom for them. It was meant to lead into a kiss and then the awning collapsed. That is what is different from Crowley & Aziraphale's first kiss but Crowley was delighted by the gazing, which we already know to be the very important bit of this here. Off of this, we can conclude that there's obviously a parallel of this bit for Crowley & Aziraphale and this is where the parallels in the scene stop. That means that what happens *before* the gazing moment in The Awning of a New Age scene is important because that's the parallel. So, what's happening while Crowley spots them together outside and starts up the rain? They're talking, right? And what are they talking about?

They're talking about one of them-- Nina-- having a partner who is unreasonably upset. Nina is anxious about it. She doesn't blame Maggie for it, as it's not Maggie's fault. It's also not Nina's own fault and what Lindsay wants from Nina is confining and abusive. Lindsay, we learn, is cruel. We decide in this scene really how much we don't like Nina with this woman and that we want her to be with nice Maggie who is sweet and supportive and is over the moon for her.

On the surface, this would seem to be absolutely nothing like any Crowley & Aziraphale scene we've ever seen, right? Fooled by what is on the surface-- modern lesbians in London Soho, one of whom has a romantic partner-- this seems to be a plot Crowley & Aziraphale have never had. Except, that it's not. It's a parallel to one you'll remember.

One, paralleling sentence here for you...

God's a bit tetchy...

Awning of a New Age unlocks that Lindsay being unreasonably angry and dolling out insane punishment for no actual misdeeds is a parallel to God during The Flood. God was Aziraphale's Lindsay-- the unseen, abusive partners, sending down their words and marching orders and causing distress. Crowley approached Aziraphale like how Maggie approaches Nina. Aziraphale half-heartedly tries to defend God the way that Nina half-heartedly tries to defend Lindsay but both pretty much give up in the face of Crowley's and Maggie's sane responses and support. The agreement that the present situation-- Lindsay about to abandon Nina, God about to abandon her creations in The Flood-- is horrible and unjust. They connect over the lack of justice. The Flood scene we saw ends as the rain begins, with Crowley and Aziraphale both looking up as it starts to fall.

Maggie and Nina get further-- they get to the first half of The Vavoom, in parallel. We haven't seen that yet with Crowley & Aziraphale. (Maggie & Nina also didn't have to go stop and save a bunch of people first lol.)

So how do we know that The Flood was the first kiss?

How do we know that Crowley and Aziraphale first kissed in Ancient Mesopotamia in fucking 3004 B.C. and have been vavoom sorted gone on each other ever since?

Because it happening in the aftermath of saving lives in The Flood would then mean it meets every one of the elements Crowley describes. They get wet from the storm. They will work to save everyone, which is evident from Aziraphale being dead fucking certain in the Job minisode that Crowley was a sweetheart who wasn't going to kill any goats or kids. How would he know this for sure? Saying that what God was doing was terrible in The Flood scene isn't enough for Aziraphale's surety by Job. That means that Mesopotamia and The Flood is the first time they teamed up. It means that Crowley saved people and animals during it. It more than likely means that he did so in a way similar to what he does during the Job minisode-- he transformed them into something that could survive the storm, probably rocks or something. (Big Medusa vibes lol.) But what would happen then? Crowley and Aziraphale would have to *stay through the storm to turn the people back*, right?

So, they'd need to seek shelter from the rainstorm. Under a canopy that could survive the storm. One they can both step back under and bump into one another beneath. Most likely, it's an actual canopy in original meaning of the word-- the shelter of trees. I think one of them (Crowley) bolted afterwards, based on the Job minisode, which we'll get to again in a second, and from under a canopy would be the easiest way to just be able to leave during a storm. (They did not spend the Biblical 40 days and 40 nights under that canopy or they almost certainly would have wound up having sex, which the show is suggesting in other scenes didn't happen for awhile after this which is also another meta lol.) But there's also another reason for trees that kind of cracks me up.

Remember when Aziraphale comes back from Edinburgh in S2 and, before he left, they had their whole Our Car/Our Bookshop thing and Crowley's been peeved for a day now over how Aziraphale got to go adventure in The Bentley and he got to wear a cardigan and babysit their former attempted murderer? And about how what he's really playfully irritated over is that he keeps trying to use Operation Shop Lesbians to turn Aziraphale on by mentioning their Vavoomy first kiss and Aziraphale is, kind of hilariously in retrospect, just totally tormenting him by barely indulging him on it? What happens when Aziraphale comes back from his trip?

Crowley-- genuinely-- says "there you are-- I was worried something had happened to you" and he's off-camera for a moment as he does so and the camera is on Aziraphale, who kind of seems like he would like one of Crowley's kisses about now. But what does Aziraphale get in place of where a kiss could have gone?

A face full of plants lol.

In their box, so that when he handed them to Aziraphale, they hung over his head like a canopy.

Don't wanna talk about The Vavoom, angel? Fine. You're just getting the trees. Mwah. *goes to his car and is all did you misssssss me kissy face*

Aziraphale, in old married bitch mode:

Finally, there's that Ancient Mesopotamia is, chronologically, the last scene so far in which Crowley is not seen wearing glasses, which is essential because Crowley-- while wearing his glasses in the pub lol-- describes the key bit of The Vavoom as involving staring into one another's eyes, which Crowley & Aziraphale can't do if Crowley has his glasses on. Since Crowley wears his glasses in approximately 87% of Good Omens, it means that the answer is in a scene where he's either not wearing them at all or could be seen as able to take them off. Mesopotamia meets that criteria. But there's still one more thing that can really hammer home the idea of this The Flood, Part 2 being their first kiss and that's going to be how we end up back at the Job minisode again.

Go back and think of the Job minisode again but now with the idea that the last time they saw one another-- ages before it-- they shared this moment of wildly passionate vavoom and look at how it recontextualizes the entire minisode.

Start with when they first see each other again. Where did *that* Aziraphale come from? He's teasing him.

The Aziraphale in Before the Beginning and in Eden and in the first bit of The Flood that we've seen is more anxious. He's not afraid of Crowley and he's definitely attracted to him but he's distracted by the dangers of what is happening while they're talking. Suddenly, he jumps from the Aziraphale of The Flood to the Aziraphale of the Job minisode. This one is flirtier. This one is literally like all so you never called-ing Bildad the Shuite lol. He's all "last time I saw you was... The Flood?" like he doesn't know and Crowley is all tight nod ohfuckit'shim and also ohfuckit'shimhavemissedhimsomuch and hiding behind his sunglasses-- Bildad is the first appearance of the sunglasses, chronologically, so we go from the Vavoomy gaze to Crowley hiding his eyes... this then all moves into the courtyard scene after a few moments...

Oh, what's this now? The only scene in the whole series in which Aziraphale asks Crowley to take his glasses off? And he does? So quickly-- intentionally-- that his expression from before is still on his face and it's just nothing but naked want like he's saying oh you wondered how I was looking at you from behind these this whole time? yeah, it was like this... Aziraphale is straight up asking for more vavoom. Take the glasses off. Look me in the eye and tell me you want this and yeah, sure, they're talking *on the surface* on *one level* of their conversation about whether or not Crowley is exhibiting serial killer tendencies and wanting to kill small animals and kids but, really, this scene is also the formation of their coded way of speaking to one another. Crowley's "I want to. I long (pause) to kill the blameless kids of Job the way I killed his blameless goats" and then lifting just enough of the magic to let Aziraphale see that he had actually not killed the goats at all but had actually faked their deaths, indicating that that was his plan for saving the kids as well... Well, it also means that *all* of what Crowley just said to him was coded. That's the weird pause after "I long" that breaks it into two sentences. It makes the second level of their conversation that Crowley whipped off his glasses, gazed into Aziraphale's eyes, and said I want to, I long... meaning, I want you, I want to kiss you again, I long for you...

But the bit of the Job episode that sells me on The Flood being The Vavoom is actually the bit just after Crowley miracles himself, Aziraphale, the kids, Jemimah's pot (because he's so not a serial killer, he saved the damn pot lol), the wine (because fuck that little Influencer Brat of Job-- Crowley's not about to kill a kid but he absolutely will drink the last of his wine for treating Aziraphale like a whore lol), and the food down to the cellar and started iguana-ing the kids. Why this bit? Because Aziraphale is fucking giddy and is just tormenting the living fuck out of Crowley.

He's all "I knew it!" and when you first watch the scene, right, you could think he means he knew that Crowley would save the kids. Yet, he already knows that by this point-- that's what the courtyard scene was. That's why he's yelling that he's "QUITE SURE" when Crowley asks him if he is (and calls him "angel" for the first time when doing so) while he's setting everything on fire just a moment before. Obviously, Aziraphale is happy that Crowley didn't kill the kids but what he's all I knew it *smug smile, actually fucking wiggling with flirty joy* about is that Crowley wanted to be alone with him again and would find a way to make it happen because what's the plan? The one that Aziraphale is totally teasing him about?

Aziraphale is going on about how oh, this is *Satan's* big plan, huh? A *big storm*? He loves every minute of it and he also really loves Crowley getting very close to him-- kissable close-- and being all "ooh aren't you brilliant?" when Aziraphale was acting smug. When did Crowley get that comfortable getting that close to him?

But yeah, Aziraphale loving every second of Crowley saving the kids, turning them into sightless/soundless iguanas, and sending a storm over the land for the night while keeping the two of them dry in a little cellar canopy so they can be alone together again-- essentially, repeating a version of The Vavoom scenario, as he'll still be trying to do millennia later... Aziraphale thought that very romantic and had no problem flirtily teasing the hell out of Crowley for it. Crowley's game is as ancient as Bildad the Shuite lol.

So yeah, what we're saying here is that there's a The Flood, Part 2 and that it's likely in S3. I actually wouldn't be surprised if it opened S3, since the first two seasons are opened with the other canopy-themed firsts-- the two first times they met, really, in Before the Beginning and Eden, both with the wing canopy-ing of one another-- so S3 could be the tree canopy and their first kiss. The Flood also seems likely to return because of how it ties thematically to the whole end of the world of S3's Second Coming plot.

One aspect of this theory that I really like is also that it means that Crowley was more female-presenting during their first kiss (which also goes along with the feminine energy sometimes associated with the phrase "vavoom"/"vavavoom") but also that when they next see one another in the Job minisode, Crowley is the more male-presenting Bildad the Shuite... and Aziraphale is really just into all of it. He's just into Crowley, full stop. We already know he is but I like the idea of it tied to their early days and showing it unfold a bit and how it's just all fine by Aziraphale, who just loves this being and is happy to see them and get to be alone with them again. It's very sweet and romantic.

I guess the last thing to say is that if this is true, we're all going to have a field day redoing the psychoanalysis of this bit below, aren't we?

[leth-writes]

yandere Tim Drake x meta reader

This is the first part, I'll probably post a second tomorrow!

Summary: you're a meta who struggles to be seen, and Tim thinks you're the most interesting thing he's laid his eyes on for a long time.

Warnings: none, though as always my blog is 18+.

Tim was the only person to really see you. You’d been born a meta, though your powers slowly ramped up through your early childhood; unfortunately you didn’t even get a cool power. You weren’t even fully invincible, just slightly… fuzzy. It was frustrating, how no one would look you in the eye as a kid, at least until it progressed to most people not even being able to look at your face. You felt like half a person, like a silhouette without the details penciled in.

Then, as you got older, it got worse and worse. Suddenly, your own parents were forgetting you. You’d go to get dinner only to find none left, they almost gave your bed away, most of your clothes got donated… you learned quickly to keep your personal possessions close to your chest to avoid them being given out at the first chance. They could barely remember your name even when they could see you, always messing it up by a few letters. It was even worse at school. You found yourself often having your desk given away to new students, being forced to sit on the floor and try to get your work done, and your teacher always managed to misplace your homework. Eventually, the other students would attempt to walk right through you, as though you were a ghost and not a real person.

Maybe you were a ghost, maybe there was something wrong with you. Maybe you’d died and gone to hell after a life of sin… you couldn’t imagine God being good if they’d condemn you to this living, waking, purgatory. Eventually, you’d been completely kicked out of the house. You’d come home one day, only to find your whole family gone; they’d moved without you. The realization that you’d been erased from their eyes at the snap of a figure only left you hollow.

The hunger to be seen, to be known, left a giant gaping maw in your stomach, all teeth and gnarled, twisted flesh. It was horrid, this living, breathing, monster eating away at you until you couldn’t breathe or blink, curled up in the small, ragged blanket you’d found one day after dumpster diving. You often spent hours just laying on your side in an alley, praying to be released from your suffering, only to fail over and over again. It was horrible, but it was your life.

Everything changed when you met him. You’d been sneaking into Gotham Academy, mainly to use their bathrooms to shower and change into some spare clothes you planned to steal. You took the shortcut through the library, looking for something good to read to distract you from the gawping hunger growing steadily, trying to feed it so it wouldn’t consume you whole, when you heard the clearing of a throat. As always, you assumed it was just some rich kid with a mild case of the sniffles ditching class to read magazines in the corner.

You were wrong.

Suddenly, there was a hand on your shoulder. A hand, on your shoulder! It was the first time you’d been touched in 2 years. You whirled around and threw yourself into the chest of the boy who’d grasped your shoulder, the force of you colliding with him causing him to take a step back and readjust his weight, letting out a soft “oof!”. Tears streamed down your face, the hungry maw gnawing at you practically overtaking you.

The boy let out a gentle sigh, slowly raising the still outstretched arm to pat at your back awkwardly.

“Hey, are you… okay?” He asked, tentatively.

You realized you were still clawing at him like a wounded animal, and quickly stepped away, clearing your throat and looking down.

“Sorry, it’s just… been a while since someone hugged me, I guess I forgot what it felt like?” you said sheepishly, looking down and away.

“It’s alright, I was just wondering if you were new here? I haven’t seen you around campus before…” He started hesitantly, stepping closer. Shit, you couldn’t let him know you didn’t attend the school, or he’d call the cops on you! Who knows how long you’d be left in a quiet, dingy cell, hands cuffed together, before they remembered they’d put you there!

“Yeah, yeah, I’m new. It’s my first day and I got a bit lost… Silly me, huh?” You said, laughing awkwardly and rubbing your arm.

You looked up at him for the first time. Shit. It was Tim fucking Drake, heir to the Wayne and Drake empires, and practical king of the school. He ruled with an iron fist, blackmailing bullies and solving problems; even as an outsider, you couldn’t deny the power he held. The way he acted, you knew he was aware of his power as well. He was dressed in a rumpled uniform, something that would normally be a suspendable offence, but he managed to get away with it. He was leaning back, tie loose and shirt untucked partially, hair messy and fluffy. The sun filtered gently through the arched windows, a rare sunny day, illuminating the soft brown undertones of his hair and shining on his pale, exhausted looking face. He had deep eye bags but was otherwise unblemished, and the lightest green eyes you’d ever seen, almost sickly green.

Looking at him made you uncomfortable; it’d been years since you’d been able to talk to another person. His eyes glinted and his face slackened, looking stern and serious.

“No you’re not.” He said, voice low and threatening.

“W-Yes I am! I just don’t have my paperwork in yet!” You stuttered, backing into the bookcase and holding your hands up as if to defend against a physical blow. He sighed and shook his head, once again stepping into your personal space. “No you aren’t. I would’ve recognized you. I know everyone in this school; you don’t even have a uniform on.” He continued, glancing out the window as if uninterested.

Fuck, what should you do? You could run, but you had the feeling he’d be able to catch you… Or you could try and lie again, but he did seem pretty certain… Maybe you should just confess?

“Fine. I don’t go here. I’m just… I just need to use the bathroom, okay?” You hedged, looking away as though embarassed. It was best not to confess your status as a meta, for fear of Batman showing up to arrest you; you’d heard he had a vendetta against metas for some reason.

Tim nodded, looking satisfied. “Finally, the truth. Let’s go.” He stepped away, grabbing your wrist and pulling you gently along. You dragged your feet, sputtering, trying to stop him. “where are we going?” You asked him, incredulously. “We’re going to get you some clothes, my treat, and a shower. I can’t have you wandering around like that, you’ll never fit in. Besides, you’re the only interesting thing I’ve seen all month.”

You were so excited to finally be seen you didn’t even question why he referred to you as a thing instead of a person.

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - I'm having a GREAT time

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

Aug 2024 Week 5

Ongoing Series - Thai

Monster Next Door (Thai Thurs Gaga ) eps 7-8 of 12 - I do love these 2 a lot. It’s such a slow burn sweet comforting quiet little romance. It’s not complicated, it’s not stretching my thoughts or imagination, but it is easy and absorbing. I'm entertained by it without being taxed. And sometimes that’s nice. It's what Thailand does best.

Addicted Heroin (Thai Tues WeTV) ep 3 of 10 - Oh I’m still enjoying it. It’s only episode three and they’re basically boyfriend’s palling around shopping together and hanging out on a bicycle. What’s not to love? Also he got to meet the in-laws. Well… eventual in-laws. Also the girlfriend character. I totally forgot about her. Good times.

Sunset X Vibes (Sat iQIYI) ep 12fin - Baby faints. Bad guys caught and beat up a bit. Lots of romantic moments, come checking in with ALL the sides, and it ends.

Summary?

Classic CEO meets ingenue archetypes make for a somewhat banal and simplistic romance. This could’ve come from an 80s Harlequin, except that they’re gay. It's... old fashioned. There was nothing meta about this, there was no subversion or commentary on anything BL, queer, or beyond. It’s just a straight up (okay not straight) romance. I was not wild about these characters for this particular pair, but that’s not the pair's fault, they did a decent job with their parts and I look forward to their next show - here’s hoping it’s a bit more meaty. I preferred the side couple because they were more complex and true to BL archetypes, even if they were also a bit miss-handled. A serviceable show if somewhat lacking in its convictions, but with some beautiful sex scenes, people, and fashion. I was a particular fan of Lin‘s gender bending femme style. It’s groundbreaking to see that aesthetic on one of the leads. There were multiple times they could’ve leaned into well established plot points, paranormal elements, and character tension, and instead just glossed over them.

This should probably get a 7/10, but I’m giving it an 8 because of that one oppa line at the beginning, Tenon's tatas, and the call back to Big Dragon with that iconic musical refrain in the final episode. It was a pretty fun ride, emphasis on pretty and ride. 

Battle of the Writers (Sun YT) ep 5 of 12 - Lots of kissing this episode. And lots of different kinds of kissing from the same two actors in various different forms and characters. I really liked it. It’s nice to see that this pair can mix it up a little bit, even if it's just with their lips.

I Saw You in My Dream (Weds Gaga) ep 7 of 12 - OK the leg care massage was so boyfriend I can’t even. Who are they trying to fool? I love the way Ing always knows exactly what is going on. Thank goodness for that confession! I’m very much looking forward to the next episode.

(The socratic method, is it?)

The Trainee (Sun YouTube) ep 9 of 12 - Still couldn’t care less about the hets. Yawn. Ah Jane’s ex shows up. (Is that Green? Hi baby!) Meanwhile, Jane gets worried and jealous. I loved Pah in this ep, and almost wish this were a show just about him. Like a grown-up Green Fictions. (Where tf did Poon COME from allasudden? He’s a killer actor. GMMTV better use him wisely.) Also, in that scene with Pat and P’Jo, they’re eating some of my favorite food. I got a little bit of linguistic negotiation with Khun Par Phi. Cuteness. And we end with some actual communication. Yay!!! It’s kind of hilarious to see OffGun in a tentative hug. I don’t think they’ve been that way for a years.

In fact, this whole episode was pretty much about communicating properly between ages and ranks within an office and social structure. I loved that. I’m liking this one more this week. It’s still not my favorite currently airing, but I think that mostly has to do with how much other good stuff is on right now.

SPEAKING OF...

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

The On1y One (Taiwan Thurs Gaga) eps 3-4 of 12 - Uh huh, a game of one-up-man-ship is it? I think not. That boy wants to jump his cute stepbrother’s bones so bad that big brain of his is starting to melt. I'm here for it. Also, said sunshine cutie is clearly a big old cock tease. Everybody is happy about this. They sure know how to end these episodes on cliffhangers too. I don’t know how I’m gonna wait until next week.

I’m legit mad about how fucking good this is. After Unknown too?! Taiwan is spoiling us this year and THEY SHOULD HAVE BEEN DOING IT ALL ALONG.

Sugar Dog Life (Japan Sun grey) ep 3-4 of 10 - Oh my goodness do I love this show. It makes me laugh, I adore the premise, I'm wild over the characters, and the acting is killer. I’m just really happy about this show, OK? I tend to sing and clap: Oh they so cute.

Baby got his first crush and he has no idea what to do about it. I ADORE how angry he is about it. Like... How dare I even consider falling in love with somebody? How annoying of me. It’s great. I even liked the girl in the confession and how cool and sweet they both were to each other over his rejection. Bang up job. This is fantastic BL of the newer modern style. (As contrasted to On1y)

These top two shows are neck and neck for best of the week, for entirely different reasons. But I love all my sons.

Speaking of...

Cosmetic Playlover (Japan Tues Gaga) eps 7-8 fin - Oh it’s so adorable with the drama and the little subordinate coming to their rescue, and them meeting each other’s family. "I want to become someone who is essential in your life" = peak romance.

Summation?

I loved this little show. It was a classic office BL about the older workaholic who loves his job and the younger upstart who unexpectedly loves his boss. It’s a hyung romance where everybody is extremely earnest and sweet and pretty about everything. Except our seme, who is slightly unhinged and a little obsessed in all the ways one likes best from Japan. Plus the kisses were good! I can’t ask for anything more, utterly charming unexpected gem of a show. What a great time! 9/10

I Hear the Sunspot AKA Hidamari ga Kikoeru (Japan Weds Gaga) ep 11 of 12 - The lack of communication between these 2 may actually drive me insane. But I still love them. Such a sad ep. 

Seoul Blues (Korea Fri? YouTube) ep 3 of 8 - Argh but also oooooo. I bet the uncut version was fantastic this week.

First Note Of Love (Taiwan Mon Gaga) eps 5-6 of 12 - I'm starting to like this better. I’m still not convinced, but I did enjoy watching it this week. I’m getting some chemistry off the leads. Admittedly. that’s because they both behave like 16-year-olds. Surprise MosBank cameo - looking handsome as ever, boys. (Honestly, Taiwan really wants that King of the Cameos crown.) And FINALLY our side couple. I’m looking forward to next week primarily because of them. And I don’t even have them yet!

Takara's Treasure AKA Takara No Vidro (Japan Mon Gaga) ep 9 of 10 - OK the lap cuddle was v cute. As was the handholding. But hiking with a metal griddle? Insanity. Might be the craziest thing in a BL this year. And The Sign aired this year. Meanwhile, not a dead fish kiss! Yay! 

It's airing but...

4 Minutes (Sat Gaga) eps 1-6 of 8 - Gaga picked this one up so we can watch it there. I'm waiting until the end, it seems angsty and confusing and full of awful people being awful. But also... high heat and I'm shallow. So we shall see which devil wins (and how it ends).

In case you missed it

Meet You at the Blossom (China) - I'm eating crow, binging the fucker, and live blogging. It's just taking me some time. This isn't really a bingable show, not for me anyway. It's A LOT to take all at once.

Next Week Looks Like This:

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

Coming SEPTEMBER 2024:

9/? The Time of Fever (Korea iQIYI) 6 eps - HoTae & DongHee are back! Side couple from Unintentional Love Story, same actors, same character names I an WILD for this.

9/1 Live in Love (Thai Sun Gaga) 5 eps - Short series featuring and online romance turning IRL.

9/3 Happy of the End (Japan Tues Gaga) - Based on a manga, longer than usual run time. A boy is disowned for being gay, dumped by his boyfriend, and ends up in a dysfunctional co-dependant relationship with his would-be kidnapper. We were due for another messy JBL. Here it is!

9/6 Kidnap (Thai Friday GMMTV YouTube) 12 eps - Ohm Pawat is back for Frigays it's gonna be a blast.

9/7 The Hidden Moon (Thai Sat ????) 10 eps - This is a supernatural romance (my ghost boyfriend trope) ‘เดือนพราง’ by Violet Rain (I Feel You Linger)... A Bangkok writer is hired to write an article about an old mansion in Chiang Mai which is being converted into a café. He gets into an accident and nearly dies on his way there. After that, he sees the ghosts of people who died at the mansion, one boy catches his attention. Was substantially recast.

9/9 Jack & Joker (Thai Mon IQIYI) 12 eps? - Be gay YinWar, do crimes. Dehup gives us Yin, War, Mark and a few other familiar faces in a Leverage sitch, only queerer.

9/14 Love Sick 2024 (Thai Sat ????) ?? eps - Remake of the original. I'm scared too.

9/15 Bad Guy My Boss (Thai Sun Gaga) 10 eps - Assistant to a player boss who is in love with that boss decides to quit to save himself. The boss then makes a move. (A gay What's up with Secretary Kim?)

9/17 Love is Like a Poison AKA Doku Koi: Doku mo Sugireba Koi to Naru (Japan Tues Netflix?) 10 eps - Lawyer and a con artist meet at a bar, pair up, fall in love.

9/28 Teenager Judge (Vietnam Sat YouTube) ?? eps - oh I don't know just Ba Vinh doing his thing with pretty boys again.

Adventures in miss-captions

(been a while since we had one of these)

SNICKER "nail you" and a "nail you down" = completely different things. But this being Japan they might have met either or both. (Cosmetic)

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

Why yes, you do have the prettiest lips in the biz. No need to tease us like that. (Battle)

(Last week)

Streaming services are listed by how I (usually) watch, which is with a USA based IP, and often offset by a day because time zones are a pain.

The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @sunflower-positiiivity @rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire @everlightly @renafire @mestizashinrin @bl-bam-beyond @small-dark-and-delicious @saezurumurmurs

Sigh, Tumblr in its infinite wisdom doesn't like too many tags.

[lover-of-mine]

Hello and welcome to me being crazy about colors in media. Again. I feel like during season 7 there was the whole blue and yellow thing going around Buck and Eddie and I offered the theory that it could be like the blue and green thing, but for queer couples, since the show tends to use that color combo with Hen and Karen (here's that post if you want to see it), until @stagefoureddiediaz told me about a trend in media as a whole to use those two colors for queer coding, she mentioned red, white and royal blue and heartstopper as more recent examples but that this has been going on for a while. I'm gonna be honest, I don't watch a lot of movies, but the other day tiktok started to show me clips of Crush, it's a queer high school romcom, I had it on streaming, I was bored, I sat down to watch it, the movie is ridiculously blue and yellow, like, it's almost funny, I'm not gonna write a meta on that, if you get curious and watch the movie, there are blue and yellow elements to pretty much every scene, just pay attention lol. But that got stuck in my head and I was thinking about Love, Simon, and well, that movie also uses blue and yellow elements, in a more subtle manner, but it's there, rwrb also has details, like the lighting or color of ties, the same way they hide pride flags with elements of the scene. I never watched heartstopper, so I can't comment on that one.

Why am I telling you this? Well, if this is a pattern in media in general, then we have ourselves a solid theory. Crush and rwrb are more recent movies, crush is from 2022, rwrb is from 2023, but Love, Simon came out at the beginning of 2018. This makes the choice of making henren scenes blue and yellow very interesting.

You know me, I'm the blue and green person (extremely detailed meta on the blue and green), but I turned off the blue and green switch in my head and was going around wondering what counts as yellow. Because if we count warn lighting in general, the way it reflects in the background, Buck and Eddie are constantly surrounded by blue and yellow elements. There's a lot during under pressure, including the way the dialogue during the ambulance is "Practice rounds have blue caps, gold caps are live." while we have blue and yellow lights in the ambulance ceiling.

The blue and yellow elements are real, but while making my buddie in every episode series, I was watching season 3 with the blue and yellow goggles on, and I realized the lights behind Eddie during the tsunami are very much yellow, along with the blue tents and Eddie's uniform.

And once I saw it, I couldn't unsee it.

They even have blue and yellow beers.

So the blue and yellow during season 7, has to mean something. For both of them.

And with the way that Buck, Bothered and Bewildered is a blue and yellow episode, I kinda wanna say that the blue and yellow IS about queer themes.

But the reason I'm making this post is actually more insane than just making this point again. Buck and Eddie have 2 undeniably blue and yellow scenes before season 7. Scenes where they are dressed in blue and yellow. And those are very important scenes in my humble opinion. Because the first one is the will reveal.

This scene is one of the most important buddie scenes. And that makes the colors here very interesting if we add things like the way they wanted to make Buck bi in season 4 but fox didn't let them, and this scene reads as a love confession anyway. Having Eddie in blue and Buck in yellow could very much have been the way they found to add more significance to the scene.

But there's also the way that Eddie's shirt is to yellow the same way Buck's is to blue during the presentation of the couch theory (rip you will always be famous), which is, again, a choice, we also have the notepads Eddie and Chris are playing with are yellow and the beers are also yellow, and the way Chris is a blue element.

Everything here keeps getting me more and more convinced that they will go canon while in blue and yellow, not blue and green like other couples, because green is both their breakup colors, if we count the conversation with Kim as a breakup.

And personally, I think we can, because by my own standards, their first conversation is blue and green.

So buddie going canon in a blue and yellow scene makes more sense because it would be unique to them.

This is a very long way to say, let's be on the lookout for both of them wearing blue and yellow lol.

That's all for today, if you reached this, I love you 💜

[sapphicstacks]

You ever make a shitpost that turns into a full character meta? Anyways: Imogen’s relationship with Pâté De Rolo.

When Laudna first introduces Pâté to the group, Imogen tells Orym that she “never gets used to it.” At first it felt like, this is The Thing. Imogen had already shown that she was down for Laudna’s whole Laudna-ness but it seemed Pâté was the first time Imogen showed a little recognition that something was a little funky. Imogen is down for all of Laudna’s quirks, she doesn’t even bat an eyelash at most of them but Pâté is kind of the one thing Imogen is still tentative about. However, with the added context of later episodes, it seems that Imogen’s relationship to this horny dead rat with a bird skull is actually a reflection of Imogen’s respect for Laudna’s agency.

There’s a blink-and-you-miss-it way that Imogen shows her love to Laudna. You could notice it in small moments but it was hard to put into words until very recently when Laudna’s resurrection ritual made it glaringly obvious. Imogen deeply respects Laudna’s personhood and cares for her agency. Any part of Laudna that she has little to no control over, Imogen won’t be caught dead trepidatious or weirded out by— especially in front of Laudna.

The fact that, of all of Laudna’s Things, Pâté was the only one Imogen gives pause to is important because it’s explicitly not an intrinsic aspect of Laudna. Yes, Laudna created and is controlling him but it’s distinctly Not Laudna. It’s not her body or her spookiness or her ichor or anything else that she can’t control. Pâté is a something Laudna can fully control and that’s why it is okay for Imogen to be hesitant. Her trepidation only is allowed to exist because it doesn’t conflict with her respect for Laudna’s personhood.

And over the span of 30+ episodes, it doesn’t get better. Imogen giggles and engages with Pâté sure, but she is still hesitating, still acknowledging that it’s weird. When Laudna dies and the puppet that gave her pause is tied to Imogen’s belt without a second thought, Imogen protects that horny rat just as Laudna would for a week— its an act of service to Laudna but it doesn’t mean that Imogen doesn’t have hesitation. In fact, it’s still there when Laudna returns and tells Percy about Pâté.

But that changes the moment that Pâté comes to life. There is no more hesitation for Imogen, no side comments or grimaced looks about how weird Pâté is. One minute it is there and then it is gone with one casting of Find Familiar later. She treats the independent Pâté just as she treats Laudna: with a deep and full respect for his personhood.

Under the sun tree? While the entire group is showing even greater confusion about Pâté now that he isn’t puppeted by Laudna, Imogen is giggling and telling Laudna “it’s good, it’s good!”

Imogen doesn’t show any apprehension on her face when Pâté is doing an interpretive dance by the fire. Why? Because Pâté is suddenly an aspect of Laudna that is beyond Laudna’s control. Pâté’s weird comments and mannerisms are no longer active choices made by Laudna and therefore, Imogen’s previous trepidation is no longer allowed to exist. Imogen’s treatment of Pâté is a reflection of the subtle, yet deeply important, ways Imogen cares for Laudna.

It doesn’t really matter whether Imogen’s love for Laudna is platonic or romantic in these moments. Imogen shows Laudna that she deeply loves Laudna by proving with her actions that she deeply respects her personhood. Sure, it is definitely funny that Imogen shows it through her treatment of a horny dead rat with a cockney accent but its also so distinctly them. Those small, silly, almost throwaway moments that have so much more meaning baked in.

[lavernius]

Okay, this is probably gonna be a strong start, but: I've kinda hated Lopez because of the way RT insists on him being Mexican, but with your Locus post being so good and hinting at your interpretation of Lopez having themes of disconnection from his culture (Something I've struggled with and continue to struggle with in my own relationship to being Mexican), I really want to hear your thoughts about that topic, because I would genuinely love to not hate Lopez and to be able to see something even vaguely like myself in him.

Oh my god what a wonderful ask to recieve as Lopez’s biggest fan. You have every right in the world to hate Lopez IMO, he pisses me off a lot of the time for similar reasons. Thank you so much for your perspective and interest!

Here’s my “Lopez and racial allegories” meta, from the perspective of a second-gen brown immigrant! Tentative follow-up to my Locus colorism post, racism CW.

I’ll start by saying I am not Mexican myself, but of the very large denomination of “brown people who latch onto any brown character because it’s so hard to find representation in media”. I did grow up with a predominantly Mexican/Latino community, which doesn’t give me, like, a right to speak on your culture so much as it gives me a unique perspective and experience.

First and foremost: we all know Lopez’s entire existence is laden with not-so-subtle racism. In-universe as much as by the white creators themselves. The entire bit that Lopez is Mexican sheerly because he speaks broken Spanish is annoying! Coupled with the fact that his whole role on Red Team is doing manual labor and he’s largely ignored otherwise—yeah okay Rooster Teeth. Good going on that one. Let’s reclaim Lopez for the actual culture.

I’ve come to see Lopez as—no thanks to RT; I fill in the blanks of Lopez’s character on my own—a beacon of cultural alienation, social isolation stemming from racism, reclamation of tarnished pride, and a righteously furious statement of “Look at me, I’m here and I’m brown and I’m not sorry.”

ISOLATION/ALIENATION: You’d think the most obvious allegory to him being a brown person is the fact that he speaks Spanish. It IS, but not just because he speaks Spanish: his language is his skin, something he was “born” with and can’t change without mutilation of his body. He has to learn how to navigate a world specifically designed against his language barrier. If more people spoke Spanish or tried to learn, the metaphor wouldn’t be as potent, but it’s so rare for him to find someone “like him” that it’s less about the language and more about the isolation.

UNFAIR STANDARDS: The other obvious racial allegory is the usual “robot racism” of sci-fi (which is its own bag of worms that I despise), which constitutes for the other half of this meta. He IS his job as far as everyone else in concerned. When is he ever doing anything but fixing or building, as per Sarge’s orders or the team’s needs? Similarly, real-world POC often have to fight to prove we can be “as capable” as our white peers, and even when we are clearly capable it’s very easy for them to reduce us to our talents before the fact that we’re people.

He’s largely forgotten by the fandom, too, as a reflection of the show’s negligence. Not really much to say there, just kind of goes to show you how easily forgettable he is because he gets no respect as a character.

SOCIAL CONFORMITY: Lopez’s Technical Guide to Empathy has Lopez admitting he could fix his voice module himself, but doesn’t see the point since no one cared to fix it before. He has to conform to their “normal” to fit in, like many POC do to live comfortably in a predominantly white society. He doesn’t, out of pettiness more than actual pride; I know what that’s like.

RECLAMATION: As per the last point, I take his refusal to speak English as a “fuck you” to the notion that he HAS to for other people’s sakes. He has a love-hate relationship with his language barrier. There’s an outtake from 7 where he tries to get Sarge to fix his language module, but more recently he’s resigned to it or—as recently as S15—desired for people to learn Spanish FOR HIM instead. Reclaiming prejudice isn’t easy, but it fits Lopez as a person to say “You can’t hurt me with that if I own it.”

PRIDE: He’s proud of being a robot! No matter how much it slights him, he knows it’s who he is, and the trauma of existing results in him being almost afraid of being anything else. I like to pretend his S17 labyrinth METAPHORICALLY reflects a fear of being whitewashed, because even if he’s proud, he’s traumatized by the nature of being a robot. Replace “robot” with “POC”; standard robot racism stuff.

CULTURAL DISCONNECT: I kind of ignore that he speaks Spanish poorly in canon (I get the bit, I just don’t care for the execution), but when I acknowledge it it reminds me of the cultural disconnect of thousands of immigrants and their families, especially those who lost their language to the West and struggle to learn it in adulthood. Alongside this, living for years without ANY real, substantial exposure to someone he can talk to means he’s naturally more adjusted to the Reds’ lifestyles (on top of forcing him further into being cast out). If someone comes along and properly understands him—see Locus S12—for the first time since another robot did, of course he’s going to be shellshocked, he doesn’t actually have experience with that part of himself.

RESIGNATION/SELF-ERASURE: Lopez isn’t quiet by nature, he’s quiet because he has no one to talk to! Before the Reds betray him in Blood Gulch he doesn’t shut up. When he meets 2.0 he spends hours just talking to that kid. When they launch him into space in S15 he just talks to himself the entire time. Over time he just seems to grow more resigned to being ignored, which results in him stifling himself because of aforementioned isolation. I’ve seen a lot of my peers of color—who are too scared of the backlash of speaking—shy away from A) self-acceptance and B) self-defense (in various forms), because they don’t expect to be accepted, much less heard.

Like all reclamation, the only reason the “Lopez is a brown person” narrative works out is because it was intended to mock and offend. All of the bits I covered are just me recontextualizing unfunny bigotry from the show, which, sadly, is the easiest way to enjoy a lot of offensive RVB characters without mischaracterizing them entirely.

There are times, obviously, when Lopez’s language barrier doesn’t actually stop him from talking to people, but to me it’s more about the experience of isolation and anger and wanting to be proud but struggling to find the support for it. Literally half of these metaphors wouldn’t matter if he got to talk to someone who cared about him and understood him simultaneously.

Lopez is designed in such a way that hating him for his writing is genuinely justified. Still, if just for the sake of being able to tolerate him, I prefer seeing him as the brown person who is angry because the universe isn’t made for him and wants to see him fail, but lives just to spite it.

[utilitycaster]

You know the meta I said I'd write that people would be weird about? Or even if you didn't? Here we go: welcome to "Caleb was in love with Jester, but the fact that this was unrequited is what makes this so crucial to his story."

Caleb developed romantic feelings for Jester fairly early in Campaign 2; the turning point is widely considered to be when they dance together when he's drunk in Hupperdook and she helps put him to bed. He nursed these feelings secretly for much of the campaign. Liam also outright stated, in the famous "bisexual maestrom" quote on Talks, that he also had some degree of romantic feelings or sexual attraction towards Essek, Astrid, and Eadwulf, concurrently.

Caleb also considered these feelings for Jester to be "useless". Liam used that exact term on Talks [Discussing 2x96], and stated at that time that Caleb felt Beau or Fjord would be a better partner for Jester. He saw his feelings as a "problem"; they interfered with his other plans.

The song "She" by Dodie, which was initially on Liam's playlist for Caleb regarding Jester, and was taken off due to complaints about it being about a bi woman longing for another woman, is also, more relevantly to its inclusion, about an unrequited love the singer themself believes is unrequited, and has no intentions of acting upon ("Oh, oh/and I'll be okay/Admiring from afar/Cause even when she's next to me/We could not be more far apart/Cause she tastes like birthday cake, and storytime, and fall/But to her I taste of nothing at all").

In the campaign wrap-up, Liam reiterated that it was his intention for Caleb to pine in silence, and that he feared Jester intuiting Caleb's feelings or asking him directly.

(below a cut for length)

Caleb's behavior on Rumblecusp can be interpreted as him tentatively feeling out Jester's feelings towards him. Per Laura's statements in the same campaign wrap-up, Jester was unaware of Caleb's feelings. Onscreen, during the Rumblecusp arc, Jester repeatedly took Caleb's advances and then turned to Fjord (Caleb casting Tongues on her and her using it to talk to Fjord; Caleb mentioning she looked ill and her asking Fjord to feel her forehead). He immediately then proceeds to commit to a new plan for the future - one which still would not make a compatible life for Jester (excising the rot within the Empire); pushes Jester towards Fjord while dancing and deliberately avoids dancing with her; and finally tells her about his past, something which he had always avoided doing. Jester (and Caduceus) were very carefully excluded from Caleb's confidence until this time.

One can, and I do, interpret Caleb's choice to tell Jester about his past in episode 110 as him truly saying goodbye to the possibility of a relationship. It is notable that by this point, he had learned that he and Essek had quite a lot in common, particularly pertaining to their feelings about themselves and their pasts, which had always been the defining barrier in why he felt he had to protect Jester from knowing the truth of his past. Jester symbolized a person Caleb felt he would have loved had he not been subjected to his trauma. And so, him finally telling her really feels like a turning point, where he accepts he must relinquish his control over how she sees him.

Not long after, in Eiselcross, Caleb notices that Jester and Fjord appear to be romantically involved (in a scene entirely prompted by Liam), and begins to process those feelings.

In short, for most of the campaign, Caleb never intended to tell Jester how he felt. He made a very minimal foray into exploring whether perhaps she felt the same way, but only after he found that he had another serious romantic option (and, out of game, at a point where he knew Jester had other romantic options). He then immediately backed off when he felt she was more interested in someone else, all without ever revealing how he felt to her. Indeed, there's something to be said by how profoundly Caleb's relationship to Jester was defined by his silence with her specifically (as compared to the rest of the Mighty Nein) - about his past, about his feelings, and about what he thought of her own choices.

In that same episode of Talks Machina (for 2x96), Liam remarked, in the context of Beau's deal with Isharnai, that Caleb was often uncomfortable criticizing others, because he felt he was not a good enough person to do so. It can be argued he was able to pursue something with Essek both because he finally, by that time, had developed a stronger sense of self worth; but also here was someone who had similar enough sins for him to feel as though he could come to them as an equal - regardless of whether you agree on the moral equivalence of their past choices, it is pretty strongly stated that Caleb feels this way.

The above could be seen as a condemnation of Caleb, and, for what it's worth, it isn't intended to. I think Caleb's guilt, and how he grapples with it slowly throughout the campaign, is central to the character. I think it's explored beautifully, in a realistic and nonlinear fashion (notably with the Vergesson Sanatorium, which occurs after Caleb has been otherwise on a pretty significant turn towards recovery). I think it is very real and understandable that he wants to keep the darkness of his past from someone whom he sees as its opposite, even though it means he has to keep his distance from her as a result. I admire Liam's willingness to explore some of the difficult, messy, and even ugly aspects of Caleb's trauma response.

I also happen to like Caleb's love for Jester as part of the story. It feels very genuine and makes sense as part of his arc; as Liam says, she makes him laugh again after a very long time when he wasn't sure he could. It's absolutely beautiful, and incredibly important to the story of Caleb healing. But part of that healing is Caleb realizing that what he wants and what Jester wants are incompatible, and making his peace with that.

Caleb is quite self-aware and brutally honest regarding his feelings for Jester, and quickly realizes that there is not sufficient room to accommodate Jester in the life he wants. Earlier on, he can only see so far as going through time to rescue his parents, and as he cannot even bring himself to tell Jester about his past, he cannot share that goal with her, the way he does with Veth and Beau. Later, as he begins to see past that moment, and imagine what his life might look like if he continues to live, he reconnects with his childhood desire to become a teacher, and his feelings evolve from wishing to escape the Empire or work against it, to wishing to correct the wrongs within it and be a force for good from the inside. But this is, as previously stated, also incompatible with Jester's desire for adventure, and more seriously, with her religious beliefs and her desire to return home to the coast. This, too, is directly stated by Liam; that Caleb knew he would not give up his life to give Jester the one she wanted, and this was a factor in him believing she would be happier with someone else whose future was more in line with hers.

In many ways, the best comparison to Caleb's feelings for Jester are his feelings towards Frumpkin: an incredibly crucial part of Caleb's healing process and character development throughout the campaign, and something that will always hold meaning for him, but something that represents an attachment to a different possibility he has since lost. He understands that with both, he must let them go in order to actually resume his life.

It is telling that in that dance back in Hupperdook, Caleb calls her Astrid. Jester is an echo of his past from the moment he begins having feelings for her, and never quite fits as a partner in his present. Which isn't to say it could never have happened, but it would have required Caleb to change so profoundly he would be unrecognizable: it would have required him turning his back on the Empire entirely, rather than trying to fix what was wrong, so that he could adventure with her as she dreamed of doing. It would have also required him loosing his vise grip on Jester's good opinion of him and risking her rejection, something he only does when holding back would put the entire party in danger. In-story, Caleb always knew he could never make those compromises for her.

Caleb's plan to bring back his parents - which is an incredibly smart and time-travel genre-savvy one - relies on his past self being unaware his parents survived, lest he create a paradox. Even in the scenario in which he undoes the harm to his parents, he knows can never truly undo the harm to himself. He is never the person he thought could truly be Jester's partner. That version of Caleb died long ago. The arc of his story throughout the campaign is him piecing together a person who can exist and grow and love again. Jester is incredibly important to that, but she is not its end point.

I started writing this before second half of the Nein two-shot aired, and I would like to add that I interpret the six month gap when the Nein were not getting together regularly as, among many other things, Caleb giving himself time to get over these feelings. I hope the above makes it clear that I think they were very real and very important, but also very much one-sided from a person who, within the narrative, expected them and indeed somewhat hoped for them to remain one-sided.

[mightymizora]

hello new followers!

I've had a lot of new followers recently and I'm going to take this opportunity to plug my fics, because that's why I am here (between shitposts and rushed meta.) So! I'm going to do a game I've been threatening to do for a LONG time, and I'm going to invite other writers to do the same.

Rules are that you plug a handful of your fics from your current fandom(s), give a quick summary, and then put in 1-2 lines from comments as reviews. Because fuck it, self-promotion is fine actually.

The Portrait

BG3. 6.5k one shot, Enver Gortash/The Dark Urge. Lord Gortash requests a portrait of his paramour. The pay is good, the contract legitimate. It seems almost too good to be true... In pre-canon, a young artist takes a job from an upcoming player in Baldur's Gate society. "The voice was amazing, the descriptions are poignant without getting too far in the weeds, you show so much without telling explicitly." "if i could frame this fic and put it up on my wall, i would in a heartbeat! literally the definition of perfection"

Monster, Mine

BG3, 7k one shot. Enver Gortash/The Dark Urge. There is a beast haunting the city, and there is a tentative reaching of hands across the table. In pre-canon, Enver Gortash tries to find the truth of the Slayer. "This is a genuinely stunning piece of fiction." "Their poisonous codependency and joint descent into it is the absolute delight to read!"

Even if Love

BG3, 8k, short chapters. Multiple. Shades of love for The Dark Urge, Orin The Red, Enver Gortash, Wisteria Jannath, Sceleritas Fel, Kressa Bonedaughter, Lae'zel, Minthara Baenre, Sarevok Anchev and Araj Oblodra. Can be read individually, but they do build a narrative together. "it is a crime that AO3 only allows one kudos for a whole fic" "All so distinct and sharply observed, and such gorgeous writing throughout!"

Blood and Bone, Bone and Blood

BG3. 3.5K one shot. Ketheric Thorm/The Dark Urge A collection of moments between Bhaal and Myrkul’s chosen as they are bound together with Gortash as the chosen of the Dead Three. "It simply drips with style. Gorgeous prose." "Feral about this fic"

The First Leaf on the Tree after Winter

BG3. 9k, multi-chapter. Halsin/Jaheira. Background Wyll/Karlach. Their time was a century before, she thinks. What can they be, these old souls rooted in their ways, these observers of the world, these failed heroes? "All the kudos here. The ultimate kudos. Oh I really loved this." "I reached the end with a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes. so bittersweet and beautiful. I adore every word."

Breath and Rosewater

BG3, 20k, multi-chapter ongoing. Gale/Tav She has always loved music for many reasons; the patterns that present themselves, and the sheer joy of playing. Working out the fingering, and bringing joy to others. The breath before the first note. The freedom that comes from following your heart and letting it soar. He has always loved magic for every reason; the study of it, the power in it. The quiet contemplation of hours of learning, the thrill of application on the battlefield, and off of it. The understanding that comes from complete control of your craft. "most well-constructed intro paragraph that i've read in awhile—we get such a strong sense of glim, her expertise, her pride in her art, in just four sentences." "Oh this whole thing is so beautiful. i adore your prose."

[bite-the-bloody-hand]

Got some loose meta observations about Daeran floating around my head that might turn into a longer character observation post because I think way too much about where the devs choose to put characters on the map, but like. I love how wherever he's positioned on the hub maps he's always Keeping Watch.

In Kenabras, he's seated right at the door of the first floor bedroom, in the chair that has the best view of the entire Inn. He has an eye on all the exits and is all but guarding the door to the room where everyone sleeps.

In the Crusader camp, his tent is situated in such a way that he can keep an eye on the main entrance to the camp, the commander's tent, and all the communal areas.

In Drezen, I find it very interesting that he's right in the center road to the posh district, where he'd have full view of the markets, the main road, and the Keep. And if Camellia is in the party it's almost like he's barring the way to her moving freely through the city, keeping an eye on her coming and goings.

Then in the Nexus of the Abyss, he's positioned by the fire, the most central area he's been in since Kenabras. (I find it especially compelling because, if you leave him at the camp when going to Colophyr mines, he's the one that organizes everyone to get a secure camp together.)

He's always being watched, and always watching out.

[mikuni14]

The last 2 weeks have provided me with amazing experiences from the BL series fan community. Moments when several series with very active fandoms are aired at the same time are very rare, and with the end of 2 series this week, I'm already mourning this wonderful, one-of-a-kind experience.

I have been camping in the following tags for many days and each one is different and unique: Love For Love's Sake I can't put into words what this show and fandom has given me. The number of absolutely insane analyses, meta, touching declarations of love to this series from moved viewers, and beautiful gifs is staggering. The series is excellent, the audience's reaction is also wonderful, it was such a great experience. Which doesn't surprise me, because it was people's reaction to real ART, which is always something special. The series itself is 10/10 for me in every category: love story, plot, actors, emotions, my investment in the story, quality, execution, even the "heat", because even though there were no love scenes, the guys were able to convey that they are very into each other 🥰

Dead Friend Forever I also enjoy the fandom experience immensely, the tag is full of great analysis and meta. The plot is so interesting and full of surprising twists and turns that there is always something new to discuss and come up with wild theories. The series is still ongoing, but for this moment it's also perfect for me and 10/10: love story (hehe), plot, actors, emotions, my investment in the story, quality, execution, also the "heat" (hehe).

Pit Babe I rate the fandom experience as *chef's kiss*. Tag is also full of interesting analyzes and meta, amazing gifs of Way. The fandom is generally very cheerful and unhinged, which is GREAT ✨ But what's most interesting is that if someone who didn't know Pit Babe checked the tag now, they would never guess who the main character and main couple of the series are (and this doesn't only apply to tumblr!). I find this incredibly funny 🤡 I'm not that interested in the series itself, so I won't rate it. I treat it as pure fun and entertainment, so I have zero expectations for the finale, especially since, of course, I've already stumbled upon possible spoilers. Personally, what I will take away from the entire series is my deepened love for Nut and a fascination with Way, whom I want like little girls want a new Barbie doll.

Last Twilight Another wild fandom experience lol I practically didn't visit the tag of this series at all, but I spent the last two episodes there in full camping mode, in a tent and cooking coffee after coffee over the fire 😄 Fans have once again soared to the heights of perfection, writing amazing analyzes and meta responses to the crap of the last episodes. The criticism was precise, justified, systematized, methodical and accurate 👩‍🎓 As with LFLS, it was an intellectual experience. The fans provided better entertainment than the series itself lol

The Sign hmm, for several weeks the tag has been dominated by BillyBabe, which is not strange because only this couple is responsible for BL aspect in this BL series 😄 I rate my fandom experience with The Sign in two categories: "until episode 7" full of amazing meta, analysis, beautiful gifs and enrichment for me as a fan, overall 10/10 and "after episode 7" which I spent mainly on… liking BillyBabe's photos and videos . Which is ok, because, well, I do like them a lot 😉

Two of the above series have already ended, although fans are still present, two more are ending this week. That's why I would like to take this opportunity and say THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart to all the fans, those who wrote emotional entries, deep and thoughtful meta, funny posts, created beautiful gifs, analyzed endlessly the smallest details and posted photos and videos of their favorite actors. You all made these last few days so interesting and fun. I hope there will be more days like this in 2024! 🥰

And now I'll only have DFF…

[raayllum]

Tentatively spanning between Sunday October 29th and Saturday November 4th, "Snake Boi" Callum Week (for lack of a better term) is a week dedicated to our baby boy's 'dark side' so to speak. Do you enjoy Callum's temper, his fiercely protective nature, his obsessive tendencies with magic, or the potential dark path stretching out ahead of him? Do you want to explore his increasingly angsty interiority, or want him to angrily punch more people in the face? Then this is the week for you!

Side note: since one of the core components (usually) of this kind of focus is an emphasis on Callum's selective loyalty to Ezran and Rayla above anyone else, Rayllum and the Broyals are the expected most likely dynamics to focus on. However, 'outsider' pov or examination of Callum's bonds with other characters is more than welcome, as is whump or anything else (so long as it is properly tagged/rated).

Sunday October 29th: Choices / Consequences

Monday October 30th: Power / Politics

Tuesday October 31st: Mirrors (literal or metaphorical) / Magic

Wednesday November 1st: However Dangerous, However Vile / I Would Do anything For You

Thursday November 2nd: Temper / Ruthlessness

Friday November 3rd: More than anyone or anything / Inner circle

Saturday November 4th: Destiny / Chains

As always prompts are just suggestions / guidelines (feel free to do something indirectly inspired or not inspired at all from these), all forms of creation - fic, meta, playlists, etc., - are readily encouraged, and there's no limit on when 'late' things are 'accepted'. We're here, unlike our boy, to have a good time, tag your stuff accordingly (especially if it veers into possibly triggering territory imagery or content wise) and have fun with all the angst and/or hurt-comfort your heart can ask for! Just remember:

[wimbledon2008]

so i just finished the captive prince series about a week ago and am rereading it now. just finished the hello lover scene and honestly im still so confused over what's going on in laurent's head lmao like??

was he previously compartmentalizing his resentment so well that real feelings developed, but now he finally has a chance to truly let his anger out, he's locking down the positive feelings?

was he being truthful about manipulating damen the whole time (highly unlikely to me)? or was the cruelty in and of itself a play, either to push damen away despite not actually wanting to, or some other convoluted reason? bc damen really would have done anything he asked, trying to outmaneuver him like that was unnecessary.

my first theory feels the most right to me, and he just needed more time to process and purge his desire for revenge but idk im a taurus and very akielon coded. i love laurent but i do not understand that man lol

okay, disclaimer, i haven't read the books in quite some time so this probably isn't the fullest or deepest analysis. i welcome any additions or corrections from those who are better at meta than me <3

so the hello lover scene is incredibly complex and nuanced, a standard of pacat's writing that makes his works so infinitely re-readable. based on my personal understanding of the scene, there are a few key things that help to explain why laurent behaves the way he does in the tent scene:

1. laurent needs damen and the akielons to win against his uncle, which he very much wants to do. charcy didn't go how he'd originally planned, and he knows damen is pissed about it and probably thinks the worst of laurent right now - that he intentionally abandoned the akielons at charcy for his own purposes. so laurent is being manipulative; he is trying to outmaneuver damen. because what damen says is true: laurent has no allies, no friends, he's ruined his reputation by aligning himself with akielos, etc. we as the readers know that damen cares deeply for laurent and wouldn't just abandon him, and if laurent simply explained what happened and asked damen to help him, damen wouldn't hesitate to stay at his side. but laurent doesn't think damen has any reason to trust him, so laurent can't trust damen either. so instead of being honest, he chooses to be cold-blooded, to assert control over the situation and force damen's hand to ensure that the alliance he worked so hard to establish stays intact. he could've just asked, but this is laurent, and there are other factors at play, such as the fact that

2. laurent is already in love with damen by the tent scene, or at least most of the way there. but laurent can no longer pretend damen is anyone other than the person who killed his brother. damen walks into that tent as prince damianos, in full akielon regalia, covered in blood, with a sword. laurent has been doing some aggressive compartmentalizing, especially in order to have allowed himself to sleep with damen. who killed his brother, which was the inciting incident that made laurent's life a living hell. laurent has not forgiven damen for auguste, and he's having to really confront that hatred and anger for maybe the first time since the first book. and laurent is also punishing himself for caring for and sleeping with damen, his brother's killer. can you even imagine? it's better not to. laurent probably hates himself as much as he hates damianos in that moment. so he shoves all those glimmering, positive feelings down because he wants to hurt damen, and himself too. and none of this is particularly rational because

3. laurent is very upset at the beginning of king's rising. this is an understatement. he's still reeling from nicaise's death, which he blames himself for, he's losing damen, the only person he trusted, he was recently stabbed, and everything is spiraling out of his tightly held control. and when laurent is upset he's cruel. he's not at his best in the tent scene. he's clinging to his own self-preservation, and he's making it up as he goes along because whatever his original plan was got blown to hell, which is clear because he's saying shit that doesn't even make sense. see, e.g., this post about him allegedly enduring damen's "fumbling attentions" to win a battle he didn't even know about at the time. while laurent is being cold and ruthless to secure his position as best he can (see no. 1), he's also acting from a place of emotion instead of strict rationality, which is how he typically operates, and how he prefers to act. he's on the defensive, he's deeply confused and unable to cope with all of his conflicting feelings about damen, and he's lashing out - protecting himself before damen can hurt him first. and then damen literally sticks his thumb in his stab wound. basically: our boy laurent's going through it in a major way.

going back and re-reading your message i realize i've essentially just reiterated everything you initially said but with a lot of extra words. so i guess the long and short of it is: you're right. honestly there are so many ways to interpret the tent scene and everything else laurent says and does, which is what makes him so fascinating! so thanks for giving me the opportunity to dive back into his psyche for a little while <3

[stuffingprize]

Why ship Agon & Yoichi? Finally the 3rd & final portion of my long AgoHiru meta post!! Ready to dive in full? Part 1 | Part 2

~~Part 3~~

WORLD YOUTH CUP - A smile worth 3 million

We've reached the final arc!! After the Christmas Bowl, Japan gets a chance at forming an all star high school line-up to play in America. Agon decides to join & we get to see him interact with a wider variety of characters, showing us more of his similarities to Yoichi as he's put in places where he must team up.

Violence, deceit & lack of patience over sentimental speeches #justgeniusdevilthings

Unsurprisingly, he still gives Ryokan lots of flack, refusing to acknowledge him throughout most of the arc despite everyone else agreeing that he is an essential asset to the team.

Truly unbelievable! Agon just can’t stand having Ryokan in the way of his time with Yoichi two years & one lost match later...

On Yoichi's end, however, he doesn't seem to be the type to hold on to grudges. Despite the hurt Agon put his friends through, Yoichi prefers being practical & can put it all aside if it means gaining an ally for his current goals. Ultimately, Agon is a useful player to have & we know that Yoichi is especially fond of those he finds “useful.”

Plus it's fun to see that Yoichi is practically the only person who can talk smack & laugh at Agon's face & get away with it (Mizumachi tried).

And because there are areas where he & Agon just get each other, Yoichi calls on him to do a Flying Dragon & Criss Cross together during their game against the American team, which they pull off perfectly despite never having played together before.

When Sena & Monta attempted their first Criss Cross against Teikoku, they fumbled the ball bad

Finally, Agon gets a chance to play with Yoichi, & it is absolutely of no surprise to me at all that THIS is the precise moment Agon begins to enjoy football!!!

Agon has smiled plenty on the field before, when his motivation was to “crush those without talent.” Agon has done the Flying Dragon before, with Ikkyu whose talent he praises & his twin whom he actually cares about. But here, his enjoyment is enough to make him laugh. By wordlessly being in sync with Yoichi. Teaming up with & having fun with Yoichi, perhaps like they used to before football.

In fact, Agon was so engrossed in this part of the game that he overlooks Mr. Don coming for him!

Shien (the Kid) is comparing Agon's experience in this moment to the time when he had finally admitted to something he truly wanted during the Hakushuu game!! An interesting insight

Lucky for Agon, Ryokan comes to his aid because winning this game is more important than their drama! (& because he's a sweetheart)

And after these successful series of plays where Agon finally shared the field with Yoichi & friends, we get this small development:

Is this tentatively the beginning of Agon letting go of his hurt & seeing Ryokan for what he truly is?

Although Ikkyu was usually his only exception when it came to adequate teammates, Agon would still say he was best if there were "22 players exactly like me." Here, Agon is opening up to the idea of finding value in other players. In Ryokan. In Yoichi. Even if he still sounds sore over it, it’s progress.

Yoichi influences Agon: +10 points! (Agon tempts teamwork.)

Despite this final arc's ups & downs, I enjoyed the small developments we got for Agon, as well as seeing Yoichi talk to him so casually. We begin to see how they treat each other differently now that they're teammates instead of opponents:

From weariness to fondness…

BONUS 100 POINTS: Agon & Yoichi enjoy playing football together!!

Before reaching the end, there’s still one more topic I’d like to talk about. Why has Yoichi, since so early on, piqued Agon’s interest anyway? It isn't about smarts or attraction, or deviousness. Well maybe just a little bit. Here's what I mean:

~

CRUSH THE UNTALENTED - Agon's Dissatisfaction

Above is Agon's officially stated no homo reasons for playing football back in vol 20 before Deimon vs Shinryuji. My interpretation being that Agon hates average try-hard players because his brother Unsui IS the average player who resigned himself, which really pisses Agon off because they’re twins & Agon feels his pain.

I personally think that if Unsui hadn't given up on himself so soon, then Agon wouldn't be twice on edge about average players who could be him. It's something that becomes evident in the World Youth Cup arc when he sees Unsui in Habashira & even taunts his brother over it.

And yet Yoichi who also fits the “average try-hard player” is someone Agon continues to be drawn to. We have this insight from Unsui himself during the Ojo vs Deimon rematch:

...Where Agon didn't follow up his usual "HUH??" with anything ridiculing Honjo's words. It's a rare moment that also happens between him & Yoichi back when they used to hang out.

Perhaps one reason Agon so carefully watches Yoichi is because he senses an answer he craves to his perpetual annoyance of average people. See, despite not being physically impressive, Yoichi continues to enthusiastically work towards his impossible goals seemingly undeterred by limitations. He “gets creative.”

Agon is a genius, they have a long history of them trying to read the other out, & yet he still says, "I've never understood this about you."

What is ambition all about? What is something worth struggling for? What good are teammates? I think Agon has always wanted to understand these differences between himself & Yoichi.

Yoichi influences Agon: +10000 points! (Agon’s attitude toward life football changes.)

~

AND TOUCHDOWN.. or is it? - The Undefeated Saikyodai Wizards

By now, I hope I've proven that Agon is continually influenced by Yoichi & that it largely dictates many of his actions—whether it's to resist & oppose him or simply follow him into whatever interests him next. So it is only natural that Agon would follow Yoichi into college.

Well, it probably helped that Yoichi intentionally chose a different college from Ryokan this time around (lol).

These two devious men who had once teamed up to frame & take advantage of others, then threw each other out, are finally now fighting together for good after six years of back & forth drama..!

And thanks to the recent 21st Anniversary of the series, a Special chapter was published which revealed Saikyo College as the then Undefeated Champions. However, Sena Kobayakawa has joined the fray & the plot revolves around a chance for either Yoichi or Sena to join the NFL. The deciding factor being which team wins—Saikyo or Enma.

Back at the World Youtch Cup arc, Agon heard from Yoichi himself how badly he wanted to join the NFL. With this knowledge in mind, it’s safe to say that Agon not only is now playing because he wants to, but this game in particular because victory means Yoichi's new dream can come true!!

Similar to Gao, Agon once played football to destroy Yoichi's dreams. But now, it’s the opposite!

You see, all along, what Agon wanted was to get himself in the Devil’s sights. What he hated Ryokan for (taking Yoichi through football), what he hated Sena for (being Yoichi’s ace), was now his alone. Agon is the trump card Yoichi can count on..! 

Such intense focus!! Agon as Saikyo College's Ultimate Player

Like we saw when they played against the Americans, Yoichi & Agon don’t need explicit instruction from each other. Their compatibility carries on. Wordlessly communicating~~~

Agon-speak for Of course I read you, honey.

With Agon becoming a serious athlete who trains & is now happily playing alongside Yoichi Hiruma, it’s no wonder that their team holds the title of Champions so far…!!

Yoichi influences Agon: +20 points! (Agon attends Saikyo College. Agon plays for the sake of Yoichi’s dream)

>>Yoichi influences Agon, FINAL COUNT: OVER 9 THOUSAND…!!!!!!!

AND THUS CONCLUDETH THEIR GET-TOGETHER LOVE STORY!!!

Standing together like this, they make up the titular #21!

Thank you for reading 🏈

[wen-kexing-apologist]

Body Language in La Pluie Ep 12

I told @bengiyo the other day that I didn’t know that I had much more to say on La Pluie, because I thought the show was perfect and when it’s perfect I don’t have a lot fo analysis to write up at the very end. 

“For you, Captain Hands, who writes 20,000 word essays, that is unacceptable” 

But I was truly at a loss for what I could talk about because this whole show was phenomenal and I was seeing such good meta coming out from so many other people, I felt like most of it was covered. So I consulted the clowns and they were like “baby you’re a one trick pony, you know what you need to write about…body language,” and I went ‘oh yeah you’re right!” 

So here is a breakdown of the body language in the two confession scenes in Episode 12: Tien and Lomfon, Tai and Patts. 

Tien and Lomfon 

Judging for the sheer number of gifs of this moment, it appears Tien and Lomfon’s reconciliation and kiss was universally beloved in the fandom. And I can understand why because it is 

So 

Fucking 

Good 

Because Suar is 

So 

Fucking 

Good 

And because Copter is delivering his best performance of the show. 

So let’s just jump right in, I want to start at the very beginning of this confession because there is a lot happening in the classroom itself. The scene opens with the film teacher calling Lomfon’s name, and asking if he is ready to present. The camera cuts to a semi-close up of Lomfon’s face:

Now, generally speaking, I think Copter has a long way to go in his acting, particularly around how mobile he makes the lower half of his face, because he rarely tends to move it. But it cannot and will not be denied, that Copter has some truly expressive eyes and Lomfon’s anxious energy does bleed through in the way he sets his jaw, his shoulders, how his eyes are shining. Up until this point, Lomfon has approached almost every single possible romantic moment completely wrong, and fucked with the lives of Tien, Tai, and Patts for the sake of better understanding his own feelings. He realizes that he likes Tien, he knows Tien likes him, or that he did at one point and that he may have fucked that up. So he has absolutely no idea what this is going to do, if it will help or hurt, but he has to try it anyway, so the movie starts to play. 

Tien, notably, is very intentionally looking at the ground. He will not meet Lomfon’s eye, he will not seem interested in the film, he will not give Lomfon the time of day. Lomfon blew up three people’s lives, and didn’t seem all that remorseful about it. The film starts, and a compilation of Tien’s radiant smile graces the scene, and Tien is for the first few moments, completely unaware. That is, until the rest of the class starts visibly, physically reacting to what is airing on screen. At which point Tien risks a tentative glance towards the screen…

And sees himself over and over and over again, in so many private little moments that Lomfon has captured. And where first his eyes were transfixed on the floor, they are now transfixed on the screen. Everyone in the entire classroom has turned their eyes away from the screen and straight towards Tien, and Tien and Lomfon become the only two people in the room that are watching the movie. 

The film continues, unrelenting clips of Tien as seen through Lomfon’s eyes, and though Lomfon told Tien he would show him he cares through his actions, that is not what Tien needs. And there is a moment, though it is small, where you can see Tien’s anger/frustration click in to place. 

It’s right here, in the inhale, in the setting of his jaw, slightly crooked as he continues to process exactly what he is seeing, exactly what Lomfon has done. And he pries his eyes away from the screen, slowly meets Lomfon’s eye for the first time since their fight, and does not break eye contact until his friend leans over and asks the question “Tien, how come you’re the thing from Lomfon’s heart?” at which point the spell is broken, the anger boils over, and Tien, being the third child who has his head on straight and is used to suppressing his own emotional state, rockets out of the room with a bitter, half-assed “I have to use the bathroom” excuse everyone can see through. 

This is not the reaction that Lomfon was expecting based on the way his body is turned to face Tien, the way his jaw has dropped just a touch, the way his eyes are glued to Tien and following him out the door. Lomfon is clearly surprised and slightly distressed to see Tien flee the room like that, clearly upset, and he is up and running after him within a few seconds, determination setting in his face. 

Tien is hustling, even as Lomfon is running after, even as Lomfon is calling his name hurried and slightly panicked. It is not until Lomfon calls out “Don’t go” that Tien stops, but not for long. He pauses just long enough to decide whether or not he is going to read Lomfon the riot act, or just walk away and hope that ends the conversation forever. Tien spins on his heel and starts swinging right out of the gate. 

“Why did you do that?” and his weight shifts a lot as he settles into place, and Lomfon matches his energy, also shifting around a lot as he grinds to a halt. 

“That’s the topic ‘A message from the heart’”

Tien is pissed now, like well and truly pissed. Even in the rain, even after Lomfon blew apart his brother’s life, Tien was calm, even-keeled, almost withdrawn when it came to his own pain. He was loud and aggressive, and very clearly livid when it came to what Lomfon did to Tai and Patts, but when Lomfon shouted in his face “I want to know my heart. I want to know who I like, what does that have to do with you?” his disappointment was palpable, but he responds in the softest voice ever.

Here though, it is time for him to be mad on his own behalf:  “Then why was I in your video? What are you going to say?” 

And Lomfon does look upset, and slightly vulnerable in this moment in the way his mouth is open, in the way his eyes are laser focused on Tien, in the way his eyebrows are slightly crooked like he is furrowing his brow: “I already told you, I would show you with my actions” because that is supposed to be obvious. I mean, Lomfon blatantly told Tien this before he ever showed the film. 

But that is the wrong answer. Tien, frustrated, turns back around to storm off because as @neuroticbookworm has already discussed, conversation is what needs to happen, not grand gestures. Grand gestures from Lomfon are what got everyone in to the messes they are in, grand gestures are not what is going to get him out. Tien will not entertain grand gestures in the slightest. 

“I did this because I like you!” Lomfon shouts to Tien’s back, and that’s what gets him to pause. 

And my refusal to learn how to make gifs bites me in the ass because Suar absolutely demolishes a micro-expressive face journey in this scene, there are at least four internal monologues Tien is cycling through as he listens to Lomfon’s speech. There is surprise, suspicion, annoyance, and slowly, slowly he begins to soften, and soften, and soften as Lomfon continues to say the right things. Like, legitimately, seriously I feel like I can tell when Tien’s stomach twists and heart picks up from the way Suar is moving his face. 

Which leads us to the best bit of acting that Copter has done the entire show: 

“I know that I like you. I like you very much. I like you so much that I don’t know what to do. I like you so much that I think if I don’t tell my feelings to you, I will regret it for the rest of my life” and he says the whole thing in tears. His face crumpling, his lip trembling, his eyes red. Tien’s back is turned throughout the monologue but he too is fighting back tears, because he can hear Lomfon’s voice, he can hear it waver and crack, he can hear Lomfon sniffling. And the camera reinforces that by cutting to Tien’s turned back twice during the monologue, his face moving almost imperceptibly as he listens, really listens to what Lomfon has to say. 

And when Lomfon falls silent, Tien turns to face him. 

I think it was @kyr-kun-chan who said “I like that when Tien turns around I can’t tell if he is going to kiss Lomfon or punch him” and honestly same. Like, looking at Tien’s face here, his eyes don’t match his mouth. His mouth is soft, slightly open, willing to forgive Lomfon, but his eyes don’t have their typical shine. There is a seriousness in them we haven’t seen that often. Tien is thinking, he is processing, he is calculating, and then the camera pans out to a wide shot.

Which makes me crazy over the costuming and positionality. Tien and Lomfon stand in completely the opposite places as where they sit in the classroom. Tien stands so that his entire chest is exposed to the audience, but closed off to Lomfon. Lomfon stands so that his whole chest is exposed to Tien, but closed off from the audience because Lomfon is pouring his heart out to Tien, and Tien is keeping his own reactions to Lomfon’s confession to himself. 

Tien’s face crumples and he barrels towards Lomfon, and similar to @kyr-kun-chan, Lomfon does not seem particularly certain whether he is about to have lips or a fist planted on him. 

Eyes transfixed on Tien’s face, eyebrows furrowed as he tries to decipher the look on Tien’s face, eyes still red cause he’s been crying, and then BOOM:

I am sure everyone has seen this kiss scene a million times, either rewatching the scene or reblogging the gifs, so I am not going to talk about the kiss, BUT I WILL TALK ABOUT THE HANDS BECAUSE I AM SO INTRIGUED BY HOW THEY HANDLED THE HANDS IN THIS KISS. 

So obviously, we start with the moment above, where the kiss itself is the center/focal point, but Tien’s hand is completely visible. His fingers comfortable and curled, and digging in to Lomfon’s neck to stabilize him from the force of the kiss. Tien sinks lower, because he is shorter, and his hand helps keep Lomfon pressed against him as he settles. And that is all well and good, and I love the shape Tien’s fingers make here. But then we get to some shots that are truly a marvel to me, they confused the hell out of me in the best possible way, in the way that makes me want to question the cinematographer because the next time the camera focuses on something other than the actual kiss, we get close ups, but these close ups are of a shoulder and a back. The only thing truly interesting to look at in those shots, to me at least, is the hands. But the hands are cut off. We don’t see Lomfon’s fingers at all, we don’t see precisely the way that he is holding Tien in the way that we see how Tien is holding Lomfon.

And it is fascinating to me, that the close ups cut off Tien’s fingers, like we see his thumb stroke Lomfon’s back a little, we see Tien’s hand move up Lomfon’s shoulder and further out of frame. And it intrigues me so much, because when Tai and Patts have their kisses, their hands are constantly visible, you can see it when Tai squeezes Patts’ back, you can see it when Patts scratches Tai’s back, you can see it when Patts is grabbing at whatever piece of skin he can so he can steady Tai on his lap while he kisses down his chest. But here, Tien and Lomfon’s hands are rarely completely visible. In fact, when never see Lomfon’s entire hand during the kiss, one is out of frame for most of it, with his fingers flat and therefore barely visible across Tien’s shoulder blade, the other buried in Tien’s hair so deep you can’t see anything.

And Tien’s hand(s) are only completely visible when the camera pans out on the kiss, rather than when it pushes in on their bodies. 

Which works so well for me, because it is so counter to Tai and Patts. As I said, when Patts and Tai make out, their hands are always visible, the camera pushes out to a wide shot and their bodies are making beautiful shapes. But that isn’t happening here, when the camera does a wide shot, Tien and Lom are standing pretty straight, with some distance between their bodies. They aren’t playing around too much with sensation, and with the reveal at the end of a possible sequel, it makes sense that we wouldn’t see a fully formed picture of what intimacy between Lomfon and Tien looks like. 

What we do get to see, however, is how Tien and Lomfon are personally impacted by this kiss, by this confirmation of their mutual interest in one another:

gif by @piningintrovert

GOD I WILL NEVER GET OVER THE LOOK ON TIEN’S FACE WHEN THEY FINALLY PART. The way his eyebrows furrow, the bliss on his face, that Oh. moment when Tien realizes how good it felt. The way Lomfon smiles and the way Tien beams and how Lomfon, having learned his lesson, tells Tien that he’s happy, tells Tien he will have to get used to him smiling, tells Tien he will see that smile every day. You know communicates. 

In summary, this is a beautifully handled, beautifully performed scene and I want to give mad props to Suar and Copter for how they navigated this moment. 

Tai and Patts

Now let’s talk Title and Pee, or rather Tai and Patts during Tai’s confession, which was another beautiful performance by our two leads. A truly underrated moment that I don’t see getting enough love from the fandom considering I have seen a total of one gifset of it, and because it is the most perfect confession Tai could ever give to Patts. 

After spending multiple days looking all over Chang Mai for his boyfriend, Tai finally spots him giving a little girl her kitten back and calls after him. And the look in Tai’s eyes, the way his mouth is agape, Tai looks like he’s seeing a ghost, like he scarcely believes that what he is seeing is real, that Patts is really here, that Tai has really found him. 

And because they are perfect for each other, Patts looks…exactly the same. Just, much more haggard like he has not slept well the entire time he and Tai have been separated. Patts, respectfully, looks like shit. 

As he should because he is fucking heartbroken. Tai approaches slowly, tentatively, like he doesn’t know what to expect, like he is no longer certain of his place in Patts’ life. And even though Tai is moving slowly, Patts is still not fully processing what is happening. Tai approaches and Patts stays firmly rooted in place, but he is leaning slightly away from Tai, like he still isn’t sure this is real, like he needs to get a better look at Tai to be certain. 

When Patts sees Tai his eyes go wide, he blinks, he swallows like he isn’t sure of his place in Tai’s life anymore. He is paralyzed trying to figure out what Tai is doing here, if he’s about to have his heart healed or broken further. 

Tai, of course, immediately bursts in to tears, as is his god given right. And good golly miss molly, Title is fantastic at getting Tai’s tears off the ground. He looks at Patts, the man he loves, the man he has failed, the man he has hurt, his eyes start to well, his nostrils flare, his lip trembles and he starts his confession. 

“You know what? For these past few days I have been looking for you. I’m so terrified that I can’t see you again. I’m terrified you don’t want to meet me anymore.” 

And, I mean, props to Tai for being honest, but goddamn, Patts is already Straight Up Not Having a Good Time Right Now and telling him you were worried that he wouldn’t ever want to see you again has got to feel like a knife is being twisted to him, knowing how much Patts loves Tai. Seeing how haggard he is from being away from Tai for only a few weeks, how close to tears he is just from seeing Tai’s face. 

“You don’t have to say anything,” Tai continues, which is wonderful, because Patts has always been the person to reach out. The first to use the soul mate link, the only one to talk through it for the first two years, Patts was the one who approached Tai in the coffee shop, Patts initiated and stopped their first intimate moments, Patts is the one who tried to face their problems head on after the fight with Lomfon, and to follow up after their fight over how Patts handled the Lomfon situation. But Patts is in so much shock from seeing Tai here, where he thought he couldn’t be found that he hasn’t said a word anyway. 

“This time, please let me say it. I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I acted stupid, I was selfish, I was too emotional. I didn’t talk to you well, I let it slide until it’s bad like now.” he says through shaky breath. 

And then Tai looks down, gathering his strength, gathering his words, but bearing the weight of the shame and sadness he feels for how his failure to properly communicate has hurt Patts.

“You know, I had not idea that the sound of rain could be so hurtful and lonely,” and I love that when Tai says “the sound of rain” he looks up at the sky. Like he is looking for rain clouds, like he is expecting rain.

“As for all of the soulmate things I was curious about, I know that through myself, Lomfon, my parents. I know that now. Love is about two people, it doesn’t need destiny to pave. I don’t care whether you are my soulmate or not. The most important thing is our feelings.”

Patts nods slightly, and bites his lip. Now, there are a number of ways I think it is possible to read Patts’ face in the next couple of close ups, but I personally read them very much as Patts steeling himself to be officially broken up with. 

“What’s most important is our feelings” Tai says, Patts braces himself to hear that Tai does not feel love for him anymore. 

“Do you remember? There was a time when you asked me whether saying “I love you” was hard?”

gif by @liyazaki

“No Patts, it’s not hard,” and Patt’s face falls, his lip starts to tremble. “So I kept asking myself how I feel about you. My feelings have not changed at all.” 

And once again, Patts nods slightly, swallows hard, and his face falls even more, he’s closer to tears.

“I love you Patts, I don’t care if it rains or not. I do love you, no matter what happens” and before Tai can say anything else, Patts is rushing to embrace him in a hug. Because he finally knows, for certain, for real, straight out of Tai’s mouth, that Tai loves him. That Tai has always loved him, and that Tai will continue to love him. 

And, going back to my conversation around Lom and Tien’s hands and how they differ from Patts and Tai, we get So Much Hand in the hug between Patts and Tai. And you can see how tightly Tai is squeezing Patts, how deep he is burying his head in Patts’ shoulder. Patts is wrapping Tai up as much as he can, he is touching Tai in as many places as he can. Patts’ hand on Tai’s shoulder, in his hair, across his back

On his elbow when they kiss.

gif by @liyazaki

And their kiss is slow and tentative, both certain and uncertain, like they need to re-establish where they are and where they have been. LIke they need to check in with each other and make sure that this level of intimacy after such a strenuous fight and break up is okay with both of them. 

I don’t have any impassioned speeches to give at the end of all of this, Patts and Tai are together, they are happy, we leave them where they always should be, happy in each other’s arms. Tai had some major growth at the end of La Pluie, getting called out by his brother, introspecting and realizing that Tai was handling the conflict with Patts like his mother has handled conflicts with him. Realizing how lonely the silence is, and understanding that the way he feels about only ever having silence in his head is horrible and that he left Patts to feel that way for years. Understanding now, why Patts could not bear Tai’s silence when he was upset at the way Patts handled Lomfon kissing him. 

La Pluie is one of the best written shows I have seen. The script is so smart, it understands the realities of relationships, highlights the importance of communication, gives proper consequences for ill-advised actions, and subverts the traditional soulmate trope by having the soulmate connection only ever act as a barrier between Patts and Tai getting together. It has truly been and honor and a blessing to clown with all of you about this show, it made me so happy to see more and more people getting in to this show, and more and more people writing about this show. It may have taken me a couple episodes to get in to the story, but looking back on it, I have loved every minute. Thanks for reading and I look forward to (hopefully) doing this all again for season 2. 

(tagging @lurkingshan cause she asked me to)

[lunanoc]

first tentative meta post about wu xie my beloved, more specifically about his characterization in his less than stellar moments, sparked by a discussion with @thelaithlyworm about whether or not the lost tomb 2.5 is in character for wu xie according to the books. i figured i'd take the rest of my thoughts to a separate post since our exchange was clogging up poor OP’s replies, and because i feel like a difference in opinion like this is worth being made public if only so people can get both sides of a rare discussion about the books and reach their own conclusions, so for those who are interested here’s a link to the original post where this discussion takes place in the replies if you'd like the full context. sorry in advance for how long this will likely be, and i hope there's no problem with me directly tackling some of the arguments that were made in favor of lost tomb 2.5 being an accurate adaptation of book wu xie's characterization, which is a take i strongly disagree with

i think much of the problem in the discussion simply lies in the fact that we seem to have fundamentally different interpretations of wu xie’s character in the books, because as i see it, none of the insistences that were quoted prove that wu xie has ever acted the way he does in 2.5 in the books—if anything, they disprove it. the quote from ch. 92 of sand sea that was brought up goes as follows:

this is where i believe the problem of different interpretations is at play, and to be fair some of it is ambiguous so there is some leeway, but i read this recollection very differently from how @thelaithlyworm seems to. as i see it, wu xie is recalling a time where pangzi, understandably concerned about his friend because he sees the toll the sha hai plan is taking on wu xie, and the lengths he’s having to go to in order to set it in motion, tells him it’s not too late to stop and turn back. to which wu xie replies that even if he had decided to stop and live his life blissfully unaware of the extent of the wangs' reach and their machinations, things would have caught up to him eventually given they’d infiltrated the jiumen to the extent they had.

“and at that time you’ll have already left me one by one, leaving me to foolishly face those fists” is the most ambiguous as to what exactly it's referring to, but i personally see it as referencing either the fact wu xie and his friends would have by then eventually drifted apart or they'd have stopped giving him their support should he have decided to ignore the truth and sit around doing nothing, or more sinisterly, would have potentially all been replaced by then if there hadn't been a plan in motion. it's likely a little bit of both. to which pangzi replies that he’s right, conceding and agreeing that wu xie never truly had a choice about his involvement to begin with, which is more or less the entire point of sand sea and the wider narrative of the main story.

no part of this conversation is reminiscent of the open conflict between them in 2.5 in that neither of them here are angry, and neither of them are even aggressive or antagonistic towards each other or in general. this is quite a calm if resigned conversation wu xie is recalling that also fits the overall cynical tone of the chapter itself, and wu xie’s certainly not acting out and pushing his friends away in a bid to deal with everything himself. if anything the entire point of sand sea is to show that despite each character acting independently, the sha hai plan only succeeded because they worked together and not alone, and that wu xie needed his support system to create an invisible yet tangilble network that could take down the wangs. so no part of this particular passage reads as though pangzi is saying he ever considered bailing on wu xie because of his behavior, and even if that were the case, it would still be referring to a hypothetical situation and not their current one.

wang meng's behavior in ten years later is also not the greatest example to use as an argument to prove 2.5 wu xie’s characterization is present in the books, mostly because it's actually wang meng himself who's more so the one acting like that than wu xie himself. wang meng, in his concern for wu xie, tries to guilt trip him into letting go of his obsession with xiaoge, and he is the one who instigates a conflict with wu xie that culminates in him staging xiaoge's "death" as a last ditch effort once spewing bottled up vitriol at wu xie and threatening to take over wushanju don't work.

it's however misguided at best given that not only did all of wu xie's close friends who participated in the sha hai plan agree to do so willingly (i’m of course not talking about li cu and co among others who very much did not consent) and so accusing wu xie of having coerced them takes away from their own agency, but the sha hai plan was a necessity beyond freeing xiaoge, which is something wang meng fails to understand. wang meng makes the mistake many people in the fandom do of pinning wu xie’s determination to see that plan through solely on his desire to free xiaoge, and of course that’s an important part of it, but the narrative makes a point of building up over the course of the main books and tibetan sea flower that wu xie’s entire family was at stake as well, and had been for several generations, so on a personal level it went beyond xiaoge alone. but again, whatever truth there is to wang meng’s words (which is an interesting but entirely different topic) still doesn’t make it true that wu xie was either actively petty or vitriolic towards his friends as a way to vent his own frustrations.

several moments in which wu xie objectively does terrible things or acts horribly were listed as a way of justifying that his behavior in 2.5 is in character and in line with how he acts in the books. and of course these moments do happen, and it's very true in sand sea especially that wu xie does terrible things (it's part of what makes him such an interesting character). but again, this argument feels somewhat in bad faith in that it conflates all negative behavior and traits together regardless of what specific shape those negative behaviors take in order to justify that his portrayal in 2.5 is faithful to the books simply because he displays negative behavior in that adaptation, completely disregarding that his less than stellar actions and emotions aren't expressed in the same ways in the books and in 2.5. my dislike of wu xie in 2.5 doesn't stem from him doing unlikeable things, otherwise i wouldn't like wu xie as a character in general. wu xie absolutely does do a lot of terrible things in sand sea especially, but the inherent problem with 2.5 is that none of the things he does or the way he acts in the books ever lines up with the specific way he acts in 2.5. 

in the books, even before sand sea, yes wu xie is manipulative (re: threatening bodily harm to himself to force wu erbai into sharing information with him), yes he cut up bodies and sent them to li cu among other extremely morally questionable things, yes he kidnapped li cu and made him go through literal hell, and likely did much the same to other people before him (hence the seventeen scars on his arm). he has and continues to have even in recent book canon re: yucun biji the ability and will to inflict permanent psychic damage on people he deems to be deserving of it or a threat. he’s by no means perfect or even overly kind, and if someone were to say that a number of the earlier drama adaptations especially soften his character and make him much more wide-eyed and innocent than he actually is in the books, i would absolutely agree with them. i would also agree if someone said that gap in characterization is why some people don’t like him much in the sand sea drama. but the fact is for all the negative traits and behavior he displays at varying points in the books, none of them are ever expressed in the very specific way they are in 2.5.

@thelaithlyworm rightfully mentions wu xie's ptsd as justification for much of his more "toxic" reactions to things, and his ptsd is incredibly important in understanding how wu xie works as a character and what his experiences have forged him into, to the point it's a topic that deserves its own in-depth post. but saying we have different definitions of what ptsd is is both accurate to the complex nature of ptsd, and a bit disingenious because of the complex nature of ptsd, because the emotional dysregulation and impaired decision-making it entails won’t necessarily manifest in the same ways in different people.

in 2.5 wu xie, ptsd manifests in the form of vitriol and anger he directs at pretty much everyone in his immediate vicinity, more especially pangzi, because it has no other outlet in that situation than outwards. and i’m not saying ptsd expressing itself like that never happens, because it very much does. what i'm saying is that book wu xie's ptsd, while very real, doesn't manifest in the way it does in 2.5 wu xie.

in book wu xie, ptsd manifests in much more internalized ways, and so he’s far more prone to directing the anger and pent-up emotions inwards through self-harm, both mental and physical (i.e. the scars on his arm, his persistent self-hatred, etc.), and the emotional dysregulation very often comes not in the form of chaotically expressed emotions, but rather abnormal lack of them, as arguably wu xie's bad coping mechanism is emotional dissociation, and when the emotions are truly too strong to be distanced from, they come out in the form of panic attacks he often doesn’t recognize as such (i.e. when he finds xiaoge and believes he’s dead in book 8, or when he has flashbacks on their way to motuo in yucun traveling notes) or of general breakdowns (i.e. wu xie stays numb once xiaoge disappears behind the gate up until he starts crying in the street once he returns to hangzhou).

it’s incredibly rare that wu xie’s trauma directs itself outwards towards his loved ones, and while he might do so in his head quite frequently (which we the readers see since most of the books are from wu xie's point of view), it's rare he actually externalizes it, and since his comments can only lead to conflict if they're extrernalized, there's rarely ever genuine conflict between him and his friends. one of the only times it happens with pangzi specifically is in tibetan sea flower were he makes an honestly cruel dig at pangzi about yuncai because pangzi’s withheld information about xiaoge from him:

but even this scene, which is the closest to anything that's portrayed in 2.5 between them, plays out differently, not only because wu xie knows very well he’s going too far, his mention of yuncai isn't solely an outlet for his anger. he’s very consciously trying to bait pangzi into telling him what he knows, and so aims at where he knows will hurt most. it's targeted and mean because it's meant to be, but it's also not a gratuitious outlet either unlike his comments are more often than not in 2.5. it's manipulation, and he's certainly not trying to push pangzi away, nor is it driving a wedge between them despite how uncalled for his comment it. and more importantly, pangzi once again proves himself to be the most emotionally stable of the iron triangle by not stooping to that level or making light of the conversation. he knows perfectly well what wu xie is doing, so any conflict is diffused before it can even take root, and stays an isolated incident, whereas in 2.5, conflict is an underlying theme.

ironically there are more examples of this type directed at xiaoge, but even those don't showcase the same blind anger or gratuitous meanness that 2.5 wu xie consistently displays, and it's that specifically that's out of character. while wu xie vents his frustrations at xiaoge in book 4 over being kept in the dark, he's more serious about it than angry, and very quickly realizes his foot-in-mouth comment and backtracks accordingly:

he's at his most openly angry with xiaoge at the end of book 8 when xiaoge leaves them all in banai, and even goes as far as trying to have xiaoge detained by qiu dekao in a last ditch effort to force him to stay (which in itself is the real manifestation of him not being able to control his emotions correctly and reason going out the window where xiaoge is concerned, and it only ever really happens in relation to xiaoge, but that's also a topic for another post):

but again, while he's visibly angry and upset, and is looking for support from others around him to validate his upset at xiaoge leaving, he never actually spews any vitriol at xiaoge himself despite his anger being obvious, never actually calls him names outside of his own head despite the rare quality of his anger, never tries to instigate conflict for the sake of venting his overflowing emotions, nor does he ultimately stop xiaoge from leaving. even later as he follows xiaoge up changbai mountain, his desperation eventually turns into resignation and acceptance, not venting.

this post is way too long, but my entire point here as it has been from the start of this discussion is that while wu xie in the books does get angry, he does have ptsd, it does manifest in the ugliest ways and he's certainly not an angel, his anger in general never veers into extended open conflict or gratuitous vitriol thrown at his loved ones as a misguided form of venting his own emotions like it does throughout the vast majority of lost tomb 2.5, just like a number of the conflicts he gets into with other characters stem from out of character reactions from those characters to begin with (i.e. xiao hua absolutely losing it over wu xie hiding wu sanxing's betrayal of xie lianhuan in 2.5 vs. this information being very casually received in book 7). and that's where my point of contention with that adaptation lies.

i feel as though this is a case of agreeing to disagree as far as interpretation of wu xie's character goes, and that's absolutely fine, but in the same way that it's alright to dislike things simply because, it's equally as alright to like things for the same reasons. it's fine to like lost tomb 2.5, and my opinion of it is purely my own, but liking it doesn't necessarily have to be rooted in whether it's adapting the books correctly, even if it can be.

my dislike of 2.5 stems from how i consider it to be out of character by comparison to the books, and my entire point here has been to explain that different interpretations of any particular source material can exist, and therefore yes, it's entirely possible to view 2.5 wu xie as out of character, just as it's entirely possible to dislike that adaptation for the same reason. and i'm far from the only person to have this interpretation. so no, my dislike of 2.5 doesn't come from not liking it when wu xie’s doing unlikeable things, or else i wouldn't like wu xie as a character, nor is it because i don’t understand what ptsd is given the particular ways in which it can manifest from one specific person to another