#the most self indulgent doodle imaginable

[echo-coyote]

They are Very Good Colleagues

version w/o text:

[yandere--stuck]

would u ever write more for stanley.. its so dry out here.. stanation is suffering in a drought……….

You're so right, I'm so sorry, Stanation!!!!

---

💰 Stanley's obsession for you manifests into rocketing between pitiful internal justification for his possessive feelings for you and deep, deep self-loathing and disgust with himself while trying to distance himself from you. Oh, and who could forget, Stanley allowing himself to indulge in fantasies of you returning his feelings and living out happily ever after together. Ha, like that'll ever happen! … But, a man can dream, can't he? Just nice, sappy, romantic stuff, you know? Cuddling together in bed, making the kids breakfast with sleep still in both your eyes, watching the sunset together on the porch, and scaring off any lousy creep that tries to take what's his with one of his many guns. In fact, he may already be doing that last one.

🎲 Talks a big game and acts like a tough guy around you, but it couldn't be further from the truth - at least when it comes to you. In reality, when Stan's around you, he feels one second away from breaking and acting like a lovesick puppy. He feels like a kid with a crush! He hasn't felt this way since he was a young man! It'd be embarrassing if it, if you, didn't make him so happy. He just feels lucky he hasn't turned into a babbling, blushing idiot in front of you or the kids. That's for when your backs are turned. There have been some close calls, though. Like the time he got so lost in listening to you speak that he hadn't realized he'd started resting the side of his face on his hand while staring at you, hearts practically in his eyes. The moment he realized, he'd run off from you with a shout of, “Nonspecific excuse!”

💰 Stan is a bit of a collector, and that certainly doesn't stop with you. He loves snatching little keepsakes from you. Nothing you'd miss, or nothing you'd miss for long. Discarded doodles, forgotten gloves, change that had fallen to the floor unnoticed, and occasionally, your phone, to make sure he didn't have a competition. Everything he keeps goes into his study. He also likes swiping your unfinished snacks or drinks and finishing them himself - he thinks of it as an indirect kiss (yeah, he's gross, what of it?) And it's hard to admit even to himself, but he gets a certain thrill whenever he snaps a candid shot of you from one of the polaroid he swiped from stock for “store use.” That's not all, though! He goes through security camera footage and rifles through it for cute videos of you - ah, but hey, you're always cute, aren't you? He saves them all and watches them religiously. He also may secretly go through Mabel's scrapbook to find pictures of you and make copies of them for his own personal collection, always making sure it gets returned to Mabel seemingly untouched. It's probably the most organized collection he has! And, of course, he's put a framed picture of you right beside the one of Mabel and Dipper in the laboratory downstairs. It makes Stan think of an imagined, impossible world where you and he raise the two together. Your own little family.

🎲 Another fantasy he indulges in is drugging you up and keeping you hidden in the laboratory. It'd be so easy. You're so trusting of him when you really shouldn't be, when he doesn't deserve to be. It'd be so easy to steal you away all for himself. Gravity Falls is a weird town. Strange things happen, and they either go unremembered or unspoken. Sure, you'd be missed, but it's not like the police force in town would get very far. Heck, he'd put more faith in his grand-niblings cracking the case than Blubs and Durland! And, well, you stole his heart first. It's only fair. And Stan would take such good care of you, he knows it! He'd keep you all nice and drugged up. Maybe you'd be euphoric and clingy, or your brain too foggy to escape or do much for yourself, or maybe he'd give you something so that you're too sick to even consider leaving for the hospital lest your condition worsen any further. You'd need him. That's all he'd ever want.

💰 Stan is very protective of you. He tries not to be so obvious, but his temper had such a short fuse when it came to you. You were just so sweet, so nice, even to a scumbag like him! You were so good with the kids, always such a help around the shack, even going so far as to visit on your day off just because you liked the Pines’ company. Liked his company. I mean, how the hell could anyone think they're good enough for you? Nah, nah, nah, he's not letting any mouth-breathing idiots in this town try to make moves on you just because they're too stupid to realize you're outta their league! And if he even thinks he hears someone a bad word about you, he'll be up in their face, cussing them out and making threats (as well as very rude hand gestures.) It's embarrassing for him afterwards, though. He doesn't want to think he's losing control and becoming more obvious, but with how Mabel claims it was ‘so sweet’ of him to be so protective of you, he can't help but worry.

🎲 Stan gradually becomes more physically affectionate with you. “Accidentally” brushing his hands against yours, leaving a hand on your shoulder or arm for a bit too long, nearly embarrassing himself by wrapping you up in a hug in front of everyone. He just can't help it! He's… He's in love! He's in love with you, and he wants to be with you. You make him happy just by being near him. You make his life better just by being in it. He wants to hold you, hug you, kiss you, be with you, and keep you with him forever. But, Stan also knows he can't. You'd never agree to it, surely. No matter how much Stan wants to think otherwise. Old bastard like him, he wasn't good enough for you - but then again, he thought no one was. But he could take comfort in you just being near him (if you ever tried to leave, he doesn't know what he'd do…) That way, at least, he couldn't screw anything up. That's all he'd do, anyway. It'd fail, just like all of his other relationships and all because of him. He should know better. He should know that he's a fuckup, that he destroys everything he touches, and that everyone he's ever known has suffered because of him. He just… He just wishes he could be closer. He knows he's not good enough for you to love him or need him and that he never will be, but God, does he wish he was.

[enden-agolor]

i fucking LOVE the way you draw/write jesse, as someone with a chubby/buff build i kind of struggle with insecurities about my size but the way you draw him makes me feel very good. idk im describing it badly but i wanted to ask if your design for him is more chubby or muscly?

Dude thank you 🥺🩵 You described it very well.

It really depends on which time frame I'm drawing Jesse in actually.

In the beginning, I imagine Jesse is quite scrawny. I mean did you see his work out routine in the beginning? He was was doing sit ups and punching flowers. He was definitely lacking muscle (but had enough to be able to lift Reuben up and down that ladder) and as the first couple episodes progress, he stays scrawny but progressively becomes more scarred up until the Portal Hallway episodes.

The Portal Hallway episodes, it takes place many months after the events of the Witherstorm. Jesse and his friends are going on many more adventures, really honing their skills that they acquired over the past few months. Jesse is much more built now. He's buff and tough with the true heart of a hero. Although, once he and his friends get stuck in the Portal Hall, that's when things take a really devastating turn for him. Feeling hopeless and lost for weeks on end, he begins to feel withdrawn from the positivity he was feeling before he ended up stuck here. Traumatic events keep occuring, and with these events, Jesse is of course drawn to remember and replay the events of Reuben's death in his head. He keeps the most of these feelings to himself because his group is already feeling so disheartened about their current situation that the last thing he'd want for them is to know that he's breaking emotionally, so he ends up taking less care of himself. He starts eating with the idea that he has to stay strong for his friends, but even those moments are rare. Food is scarce depending on what portal they are in, so when he finds food, he'll take anything that will keep his energy and strengths up.

By the end of it all, he's actually put on a significant amount of muscle. But it's kind of like a 'at what cost?' scenario.

Things get a bit better for him between then and Season 2 where he's eating better again and keeping all that muscle, but once Season 2 comes and goes, and with everything that happens in the Sunshine Institute and the Underneath, he loses a lot of weight.

It's only after Season 2, where he stays in BeaconTown and eventually finds a love life with Lukas when he really begins putting on weight once again. He's done with hero work. He's done with going on crazy life threatening adventures. Now he just wants to live life for himself rather than putting others first. Lukas helps him a lot through this, with body positivity and lots of love and affectionate touch, it's all the reassurance Jesse has ever needed to feel okay with being himself again. So he ends up putting on that happy weight that couples typically adopt over time when they're in a healthy relationship. Lukas treats him so, so unbelievably well. Finally Jesse gets to eat food for himself without the idea of needing to keep himself strong and powerful once he's finally retired. He indulges himself in his sweet tooth and loves to eat cookies, cakes, and other baked goods that Lukas will bake or bring home. He also really enjoys the fact that he doesn't have to eat alone anymore. He loves sitting at the table and enjoying a meal with his hubby. And the best part, which is something Jesse was horribly self conscious about, is that Lukas loves and adores his pudge. He is so supportive of Jesse's eating habits, but he doesn't hesitate to sneak veggies and fruits into Jesse's lunch box for work.

So yeah uh Jesse is chubby, buff and loved at the end of it all 😍

Here's some lil doodles of him I have lying around. The first one is pretty old and could probably use a touch up since now I don't see much of a difference, but you get the point ☠️

[sometimesanalice]

Picture Perfect

Pairing: Bradley “Rooster” Bradshaw X Female Reader

Length: 1K

Warnings: angst and a big scoop of feels

(A what-if drabble, set in the ‘Like I Can’ universe. Can be read on its own.)

“Is Bradley my dad?”

It’s the question that's fueled your 3AM thoughts ever since you had your daughter. It’s one you’d hoped you wouldn’t have to answer until she was older, preferably when she could at least pronounce her r's.

It was inevitable, you knew. Something to be noticed at some parent teacher conference or family fun day in the future. That while most kids had a set of parents, your little family- while perfect on its own- was one short of the traditional white picket fence dream.

You just never would have expected it to come so soon.

Your chest twinges as your now-four-year-old looks up at you with her big, open-hearted doe eyes, the ones that didn’t match your own, with vanilla ice cream smeared across her sweet face.

She was a near perfect image to the man seated next to her with his own vanilla ice cream clinging to the coarse hairs of his mustache and smudged on the left corner of his mouth, but whose wide brown eyes were nearly bulging out of his head looking at you like a deer in headlights.

Bradley was the boy who’d known you when you were in pigtails. The teen who had taught you to drive before you’d had your permit. The man you’d cried to when you’d seen the two lines on a positive pregnancy test weeks after a break up with someone who never deserved access to your body, let alone entrance to your heart.

That man- the one you’d left behind without a second glance- had been all too happy to give up any claim to the little someone growing inside of you. The type who’d elected to send checks instead of birthday cards.

Your parents had wanted you to move home to be closer to them, when you’d told them the news and of your decision, but you didn’t think you could bear the whispers or the looks. Even though you’d love growing up there, returning back on your own hadn’t felt right for you.

Bradley was the one who’d convinced you to move to San Diego.

He was the one who had held your hair as you vomited morning, noon, and night during those early months. The one who had taken you out for late night milkshakes with a knowing smile when the baby craved one. The one who had held your hand and wiped your tears. The one who had stayed up late and woke up early and brought you tea and toast as you figured out how to take care of the tiny person who was an unexpected, but entirely perfect, extension of your imperfect self.

It wasn't a daydream you let yourself indulge in. To imagine what it would be like if you and Bradley were you and Bradley. Not separated by three little letters but joined by them instead.

Your tender heart was already too delicate.

He was the devastatingly handsome man who people assumed was her father- your husband, your partner- on your days out together at the beach, at the zoo, at the grocery store, and at the hanger on base when the two of you waited to welcome him home from deployments with handmade signs covered in doodles and dripping in glitter glue.

Your almost family.

He was yours for now, until he had one of his own.

You watch as the startled look on his face flickers and settles into something softer.

“No, sweet girl. Not quite, but-” Bradley starts, his eyes tender as he looks at her.

He’s already done so much for you, but this was something you had to handle on your own. You might crack, but you wouldn’t shatter.

You’re quick jump in, cutting him off, ignoring the twist of your heart in your chest, “No, peanut. He’s just your Uncle Rooster.”

The term didn’t feel big enough for who he was and what he meant to you. But it would have to do.

“Ok,” you daughter chirps with such simple acceptance. The kind that only a child so young can say with such easy unbothered surety, still soft and sheltered from the world.

You release the breath you were holding as her half-melted ice cream cone claims her attention once again. And then give Bradley a small smile, it's too hard to look at him when the sun bounces off of his wavy strands like that, before you turn your focus back on your own scoop of chocolate cherry chip.

There was no doubt in your mind, the question would come up again later. But for now your answer was enough.

Someday there might be another someone who would love you both in equal measure, but you weren’t in a rush to find them. You had all you needed.

You savor the feeling of your sweet ice cream as it melts on your tongue, listening to the waves as they meet the shore. Content in the glow of the setting sun and warmth of being surrounded by your two favorite people.

Your daughter and your Bradley.

Her Uncle Rooster.

Bradley didn’t know what to say when the miniature mirror of you, the one with the same nose that scrunched the same way when she laughed, asked if he was her father.

It was something that came up from time to time when he was lucky enough to tag along with your dynamic duo. Usually from well-meaning grandmas with warm smiles complimenting his lovely family. He’d never felt the need to correct them about the labels because the two of you were his family.

He knew your routines, he knew your likes and dislikes better than his own. He was the one who had been there to see her first smile, to cheer for her when she took her first steps. It was his name and phone number that were listed in the emergency contacts for you and for her.

Being with the two of you was so much more than he’d ever imagined it would be when he’d cradled her in his arms and whispered his promise to alway look after you both the day she was born, as you’d slept soundly next to him in the uncomfortable hospital bed exhausted from your efforts.

But looking at you now with the golden sunset illuminating your face and the little girl next to you kicking her legs as she happily licked her ice cream cone, he liked the promise future he saw in front of him. He loved the potential of what could be.

This could be more, this could be permanent, this could be forever.

It would be more than just a picture perfect moment. It could be such a picture perfect life.

He had been there for it all, he wanted to see it through to the end.

He didn’t want to miss a moment.

He didn’t want to miss his moment.

Bradley hadn’t been entirely sure how he was going to answer when he started speaking, but he knew what he wanted.

With the two of you, he could have it all.

And he’ll never forget the way air had left his lungs and his stomach dropped when you called him Uncle Rooster.

He already knows the what-ifs and if-onlys will be the newest companions to the list of things that keep him up at night.

The sound of the crashing waves was drown out by the ringing in his ears, as his double scoop of vanilla ice cream melted around his fingers steadily dripping onto the cement sidewalk beneath his feet.

The sunlight hitting the two of you is no less golden than it was before as he scooped up your quickly fading daughter from the bench overlooking the beach that the three of you had been sharing, her little arms reaching up for him. The thrill of her fourth birthday and the sugar crash catching up with her after such a big day.

That ache in his hollow chest is soothed by the way she burrows her little face into his neck, her sticky fingers curling into the front of his shirt.

He still could be a dad. He still could be a husband.

Just maybe not hers. Just maybe not yours.

This moment with your daughter snuggled against him and you tucked under his free arm on the way back to the Bronco, was still picture perfect, but only if he didn’t look too close.

The two of you would always be his family, in one way or another, and he hopes he will always belong to yours.

Thank you for reading! Feel free to send @gretagerwigsmuse your therapy bill, this is her fault.

You can read more of my stories here!

Taglist:

@gretagerwigsmuse @sehnsuchts-trunken @notroosterbradshaw @tongue-like-a-razor @laracrofted @bradshawsbitch @starryeyedstories @top-hhun-main @startrekfangirl2233 @callsign-viper @teacupsandtopgun @shanimallina87 @angelbabyange @oneelleandaneye @mizzzpink @cornishkat @alana4610 @20th-centu-fairy-girl @pono-pura-vida @donttouchmycarrots @eg-dr3amer3 @whaledots-blog @a-beaverhausen @hangmanscoming @mandolin22 @theweekndhistorybook @lilpeekabooze @high-bi-imgonnacry @ahintofkiwistrawberry @ruewrote @spiderman-stilinski @jayniebop @my-soulmate-is-mycroft @imaginecrushes @keyrani @chicomonks @artemissunn @mayempress @eddiemunsonreader

[asherashedwings]

ARS GOETIA OCS (And Paimon redesign ig)

Long post ahead 💀

So like, after the release of the new Helluva Boss trailer, I got SUPER fixated on the Ars Goetia. So I wanted to try my hand at designing my own takes on members not yet shown in the series, as well as crafting some self indulgent lore about the group.

So, I imagine that there are 4 main Goetia families, with each of their houses being in one of the cardinal directions of the Pride Ring. 3 of the 4 families have both a king and a queen at the head, with the 4th only having a king (we’ll get to that).

The couples, and their directions go like this:

Belial (North)

Paimon and Balam (West)

Vine and Zagan (East)

Beleth and Purson (South)

These are just where the kings and queens live. Offspring often move out to other rings, so there’s Goetia influence all throughout Hell.

Each of the kings and queens are also fallen angels, having fallen with Lucifer after the battle in Heaven. For this reason, their crowns appear more halo-like, floating above their heads. Two of them don’t have this on their refs, but that’s just because I designed them before coming up with that idea.

Anyways, to the designs!

Belial

Belial is one of the most powerful members of the Ars Goetia, rivaling the power of the sins, and many mortals think of them synonymous to the Devil himself.

So powerful they can actually reproduce by themself. For this lil hc, I made them a California Condor, a species of bird known to have reproduced without a mate. Also, the look of the condor just goes well with the whole pestilence thing Belial has going on.

I think their cloak is actually wings that come from their back, remnants from their time as an angel. I just didn’t draw them in that second picture cuz I just didn’t feel like it 💀

They’re one of the two I drew before I came up with the whole “halo crown” thing, but I have drawn a doodle of what they would look like now with that concept. It’ll be shown later in the post.

Also, I imagine them being agender, so go with the vibes of “being so powerful, the concept of gender means nothing to them and no word can ever truly describe them”, if that makes sense. Idk, that’s just the vibes I get from them. So I usually refer to them with they/them pronouns, but you can really call them whatever you want.

Paimon

I actually don’t mind Paimon’s canon design all that much. Think it actually goes pretty hard. I more so just wanted to change his species cuz with how I imagine my tweaked version of the Ars Goetia, the parents’ species has no effect on what species the offspring will be. Just as long as they’re bird. So Stolas is still an owl, don’t worry. I decided on making Paimon a raven because Stolas is sometimes described as a raven instead of an owl, so I wanted to pay homage to that.

I also gave him wing arms because he has been said to be able to fly.

That’s about all I got for Paimon

Balam

Balam is Paimon’s wife and also Asmodeus’s sister. I made this decision because when looking at their descriptions, Balam and Asmodeus are described very similarly. They are both chimeras with the head of a man, a bull, and a ram, and both possess a serpent tail. So I decided “fuck it, they’re related now”. This also means Ozzy is Stolas’s uncle, which I think would be an interesting dynamic.

I made Balam a bearded vulture mainly for the fact that Balam is also described to have “fiery eyes” which gave bearded vulture to me, idk.

I imagine her other two heads usually only appear in her more demonic form. They can prolly appear normally too, but I think she doesn’t let them show often.

Vine

Vine is a demon known for construction, and I imagine he built most of the Goetia manors. He makes structures using vines that sprout from his wrists, which then morph into the desired material after the creation is finished.

I decided to make him a Montezuma Oropendola, which are birds known to build large nests out of, you guessed it, vines.

Vine is never escaping the spelling of his name.

Which is also the reason I made him very plant themed. Idk, I just find something so nature-y and alive existing in someplace like Hell to be interesting.

I even wrote a lil world building tidbit about him:

To the east of the Pride Ring rests an overgrown forest, with trees so dense that no light hits the dead grass below and roots so tangled that one cannot hope to get through without getting caught within the knots. But if one ventures far enough, they will see this monstrous forest transform into a lavish jungle. The plants are radiant in their green color, the several ponds sprinkled throughout filled with water that almost sparkles. Within this sanctuary, in a clearing with no true location, sits a grandiose manor; a looming structure almost resembling that of an old European castle, encased in hordes of vines and flowers. The home of King Vine and Queen Zagan — the rulers of the East.

Speaking of Queen Zagan-

Zagan

Zagan is known to transform liquids, turning water into wine, blood into wine, oil into water (which can then be turned into wine). She just makes a ton of wine. But I wanted to mainly focus on the blood to wine part, since I realized I could go with a vampiric aesthetic when designing her.

For this reason, I also chose to make her an oxpecker, which is a (sometimes) parasitic bird known for pecking at wounds on large mammals and drinking their blood.

I decided to pair her up with Vine because they’re both creators. Vine’s creations may be more grandiose, with being literal buildings and all, but Zagan’s creations are probably still useful. I mean, she can also create coins.

Oh, and now that I’ve shown both of them, this is what Belial and Zagan’s crowns would look like now, with the whole halo crown thing

Beleth

Beleth was very tricky for me to design at first. Beleth is described as appearing intimidating and fierce when summoned, in order to test the courage of the conjuror. So I wanted to make her intimidating, but was struggling to figure out how exactly I wanted to do that.

Thankfully, my good good friend @braveboiart helped with ideas, and suggested the armor and shadowy cape.

I also made her a shoebill stork, cuz when I think of a bird a lot of people find intimidating, I think of the shoebill.

Purson

And then last but not least, Beleth’s husband, Purson. I decided to pair them up because I wanted to depict them both with armor. They’re a warrior duo.

I made Purson a harpy eagle mainly cuz I thought it’d be cool, but also cuz they’re one of the heaviest birds of prey, and I read somewhere that during the battle it took a swarm of angels to take him down. Idk how canon this is to actual bible lore, but I like it so I’m stealing it /lh

I imagine Beleth and Purson manage some sort of military, and probably train the knights in the Ars Goetia ranking. Idk, I’m still figuring lore out.

Anyways, that’s all I have to show off today. I’m working on redesigning Stolas, Stella, and Octavia, so look out for that I guess.

[artiststarfire]

Erana Cotta, my Shred Force oc comforting Nordic Bunny after his long day, yet again defeated by Shred Force 🤍

Introduction of my Shred Force oc, Erana Cotta

Erana Cotta is a steampunk cyborg as most parts works on mechanical and not very advanced like modern technology.

She was once a human but was abducted to become a slave and used as a weapon during wars but she managed to escape from the humans. Nordic Bunny found her alone (was captivated by her songs which lead them to her) so he took her in to his headquarters and now has a new friend 🎸🤍

At first, originally idea was to make her have dark music, tall rock gothic but I already have ocs that represent that part so my friend suggested to go for Steampunk (version for classical music), she explained how rock has sub genres and alternatives so I'm convinced and making her look more like a classy lady in the 90s. Though I'm still going through under her design so this isn't exactly her official yet until I post her official reference soon.

So which makes Erana has two outfits, one is her old steampunk appearance and another new one (which she currently is wearing in the doodle above) is alternative rock steampunk, a touch of rock influence to her appearance as a sign her appreciation and love for Rock and Nordic Bunny who is also into rock 🎸🤍

One of her main powers is singing which helps fulfilled and regain energy to his minions (ref to Lilith from Hazbin Hotel)

At first their dynamic relationship was based off loser x goddess but after I watched Fluttercord moments, their dynamic is exactly how I imagined it would be. A loud cocky chaotic partner with deep insecurities and anxiety with a quiet soft partner who is also very vocal when she's alone with her partner whether she's expressed her love or having deep/serious discussion with him. Since Nordic Bunny has no one else but himself and his minions, it makes sense to me that the whole friendship AND relationship might still be complicated and new to him.

If you have read it this far, I just wanna say, thank you for taking your time to read about my silly self indulgent ship 💗😭

[manwrre]

It’s bordering on two weeks since Hargrove’s arrival at Hawkins High, when Steve realizes he’s crushing on the guy. Like—‘doodling hearts in the margins of his books and racking up a list of things he likes about him’ type crushing.

They’ve barely interacted after that night at the party. Outside of social gatherings, they just run in different circles; Steve, filling his time with Robin and occasionally third-wheeling Nancy and Jonathan, while Billy hangs out with the more popular crowd.

Their schedules also don’t overlap despite the blonde taking a number of senior-level classes, with the exception of gym and lunch.

The list though, is still so painstakingly long. Ego-stroking-ly lengthy. Embarrassingly indulgent, all on his behalf.

Steve would much rather nosedive into the quarry, than divulge too deeply into it with anyone.

Especially around or to the guy’s actual face, at the risk of Billy’s head becoming too big for his body (even though Steve thinks he’d make an adorable bobble head). Or you know, worse— like him, getting absolutely brained in front of everyone.

Which must say a lot about him as a person because apparently, this is his type. Beautiful, angry, conceited boys.

Regardless, there are some objective mentions on his list though.

Things that the general public would agree on, like Billy’s Michelle-Pfeiffer curls; loose and wavy but so, so golden.

His eyes are a close second, of course because Steve’s seen a lot of bright blues but Billy’s remind him of the vacation he’d spent in Aruba, as a kid. Remind him of a horizon-kissed vastness and warm water lapping at his ankles on a private beach.

The public also agrees that Billy’s got a banging body. He’s thicker than most because he actually gives a shit and ‘works out religiously’ but it’s not all muscle. His abdomen and thighs are firm but his pecs and ass have the right amount of give. A perfect amount of softness.

Steve would know because he’s had to will away many boners at the sight of them.

And Billy’s funny in a witty, sarcastic way. He grins toosharptooprettytoobright and dangerous. He’s smart too, like taking mostly AP classes smart and he’s smug about it all because he knows he’s hot shit. Of course, the bastard is self aware. Cocky. Steve likes him so much. Wants him so bad that it’s dizzying, sickening.

So yeah, there’s stuff that everyone can agree on but then….then, there’s whatever this is.

This being the two penny-sized indents at the base of Billy’s spine. Symmetrical and just defined enough for average eye to discern.

When Steve sees them for the first time though, he promptly drops the basketball in his hands. In front of everyone. During fucking gym class. Purely out of shock.

He catches himself within the same breath and quickly looks away.

Swallows.

Ignores the pointed look that Patrick sends him for flaking out, mid-pass, like some kind of freak and looks around cooly.

Because Billy Hargrove has dimples of venus.

Affectionately dubbed a sign of beauty by Michelangelo. Famed after the Greek goddess’ simulacrum. Called dimples of Apollo on men, which suits Billy all the more, in Steve’s opinion.

The sun child.

Flushed with life. Deserving of avid worshippers. A being deserving of wax poetic. Glittering, dazzling, vibrant and the Camaro, his chariot.

And he knows this because dimples are like, his freckles. His glasses. His braces. They’re a niche, little thing that he finds just devastating. Achingly cute. Nancy has a pair of them near her laugh lines that he would kiss everyday and prod at, endeared.

So he ambles on through practise a little out of breath and red in the face with his newfound knowledge.

Watches Billy jog over to the locker room with everyone else at the end; skin slick and sweat pooling at the divots of his waistband. Tempting.

He stands back and feigns trying to catch his breath, his hands on his knees. Eyes the younger boy’s retreating form from up through his hair. Imagines hooking his thumbs into the depressions of his flesh.

Relishes in the thought of splaying his hands across the width of his waist.

Feels his mouth go dry and a rush of white heat surging south.

Licks his lips absentmindedly as his cock aches to life and makes the decision to skip the locker room schtick, save anyone realizing he’s sporting a half chub.

Instead, he grabs his backpack and heads out to his car. The parking lot is mostly empty by the time he gets there and devoid of anyone interested in him enough to wave him over. He tosses his stuff into the backseat of the Beemer and speeds off before anyone can catch up to him.

It’s a short drive to his house but he spends it envisioning Billy in all sorts of compromising positions. Thinks about the flush on his skin when he plays and the heat in his eyes— wonders how easily he gives in; loud-mouth turned soft and pliant at the faintest hint of pleasure.

He barely makes it inside before shucking his bag off and stripping himself bare of sweat-sticky clothes. In the same breath, he’s fisting a too damp hand around his cock and hissing at the near painful throb. His only relief comes from the coldness of the door against his back as he slumps against it.

Precum beads at the flushed head and he gathers it all on the upstroke to ease the glide. Squeezes his eyes shut so tightly that honeyed galaxies explode behind the lids and he can’t think.

Can’t think about the consequences of jerking off to someone he sees damn near everyday. Doesn’t care enough to avoid the impending embarrassment.

Why would he? Instead, he thinks of Billy laid out beneath him, all pretty and flushed and glittering; his eyes wet with unshed tears and ruddy lower lip between his teeth as he looks over his shoulder at him. Imagines the roughness of his voice and his muscles all pulled taut as Steve knocks the air out of his lungs with each slam of his cock.

He fucks into the tight ‘o’ of his hand, already so goddamn close and conjures up the image of twin dips. Wants to paint pearlescent white across the bronze expanse of Billy’s back; let it pool where he is favored by the Gods.

The thought has him biting back a moan as he grinds into the slickness of his hold. The heat in his gut expands so greatly, so suddenly, that his hips flex with the intensity of it. Until finally,

it snaps.

Like a star beneath the pressures of gravity; with all the strength and ferocity of a supernova. And he’s spilling all over his hand in a few stiff, jerky thrusts and breathing out a low, garbled “Fuck, Billy— shitshitshit.”

And God, he’s so screwed.

[delusionally-loveless-by-choice]

Random Bo Sinclair Headcanons!!

authors' note: these are def just personally influenced, and if im being honest this was in my drafts for like.. a year and a half I think, and well I wrote it in the dead of night and was emotional and delirious. anyway, if u like any of these or wanna discuss his pass leave a note or reblog!!

Bo likes reading—mostly nonfiction but he has read a good amount of fiction when he gets his greasy hands on them. He needs glasses to read sometimes. reads when he isn't busy, andusually is before before (if he isn't drunk lol)

He likes to sketch—in his childhood Vince was the artist, just naturally good at it. His parents hoped Bo could have an artistic talent as well, but soon gave up when they realized he was too much to handle. Bo always liked to randomly doodle when he got bored. Likes to doodle whatever he can, in his youth it was usually just funny sketches of people that he'd make fun of

Has a great ass singing voice—first heard him humming in the garage to some song. Later that day after Bo n u got a couple of beers down, the music was low and playing and you heard him just belt it out. Sure it mostly comes out when he’s drunk but gad damn . You just egg him on because you need more bo singing voice.

He likes a lot of alt music. Loud shit. Metal. Rock. Etc. But he’s also secretly into classic romantic shit., (to me personally just the vibe of romantic older music, but im bad w names so like idk songs like put your head on my shoulder dunno)

He has like only three different caps that he circulates through. Theyre all dirty so help him out here, gift him a new one or help him wash them bec them caps are dirty as shi

He just has stickers and he puts them almost everywhere. In certain spots on the truck, in the garage, on his tool box case, etc. Some are from the people he and his brother catch, and others are ones he's gotten on his own over time (there's a sticker in his truck that is most definitely a hello kitty sticker, he denies it was him but he stuck it on when he was plastered and is unable to rip the sticker off its place)

Never learned how to ride a bicycle. Him and his brothers not having the best upbringing, they never really got those bonding moments. I imagine one day after finding a bicycle, and assuming you know how to ride one, he just looks at you as if you discovered a new planet. he never considered that other people knew how to ride those things. So surprised and impressed. He wont ask you to teach him so you kinda have to like coax him to try it. Would definitely get frustrated. I also imagine that if theres a possibility of kids, and he sees you teaching them how to ride a bike he would definitely be holding back tears when he sees you teaching them how to ride a bike (he'll join in bec he wants to learn too but he'd just stand on the side until you tell him to try it)

loll I edited them but I wrote these so long ago and many are def jus self-indulgent . fucj it they head canons for a reason ;)

[sweet-honey-tears]

🐙Painter I Love 🐙

Tamaki Amajiki x Painter GN!Reader

FLUFF

Thinking of Tamaki Amajiki with a reader who paints. Just made this, so barely any proof lol. Love you all🤍 totally not self-indulgent

He’ll just sit with you while you paint, your back against his chest. He’s watching you, watching the process. It’s extremely calming to him to watch your slow precise detailing. He will either watch you, listen to something, or just zone out in his thoughts. He’s fallen asleep before, arms around your waist, head on your shoulder.

“Honey?” It always causes him to jump slightly

“Y-yes?”

“I Need to go change my paint water”

“I g-got it”

Has used his quirk to just grab you stuff, so you don’t get up so he doesn’t have to let you go

Gets all flustered when you peck his cheek as a ‘thank you’

He's also used it to stop you from drinking paint water

You’ve scared the hell out of him once. You were listening to a book or podcast or something. It was completely quiet and calming, and then you let out the loudest and most sudden laugh ever. Like barrel over gasping, WEEZING, and snorting. And Tamaki almost goes flying back. His quirk activating

“Wh-what happened?!”

Get all flushed when you ask to paint him

The man’s also a really good drawer FWI. I imagine he doodles a bit so it just shows

You have an art book full of finished and unfinished pieces, a good portion being him. You just find it comforting to paint him when he’s out on a long mission.

You’ve paint him,Kiri, and Fat Gum once,(like a portrait) and now it hangs in Fat Gums house.

Fat Gum had stopped by to drop something off for Tamaki, but you answered. When he saw the painting half finished on the easel he commented. Commending you on your work. You offered it to him, smiling brightly stating ‘I’m running out of wall space,’

He proudly hangs it on his wall.

The two of them, Kirishima and Fat Gum, ADORE you. Just this sweet little painter who’s as quiet at Tamaki but not as shy

Kirishima met you during his and Tamaki's patrol. You had this felt shopping bag on your arm, a painted octopus on it. Kirishima could instantly tell why Tamaki liked you, you were so sweet and quiet but sure. You said you were picking some stuff up for supper but also needed more paint cleaner.

Kiri watched in almost stunned silence as his shy partner walked up to you. He watched Tamaki lightly rub away dried pants from your cheek. Mumbling something to you about being careful. The paint had been just slightly off from your skin tone- so Kiri didn’t even notice.

First time Kiri sees your art studio, a painting of Crimson Riot as well as some of the other hero’s you grew up with are on the wall. The man’s jaw drops. Like he knew you where good at painting but DAMN.

For kiri birthday you painted him shoes with little sharks on them- yeah Kiri loves you.

Tamaki is also the kinda of boyfriend that reminds you eat or drink when you’re a little to far into your artist zone.

“B-bunny I brought you some- did-did you not drink anything?”

He will sit behind you, squeezing you lightly every once and awhile-

“Bunny, maybe drink some water.”

[delusionbound]

“Amanita Szarr, and the two assholes who adopt her”

mild tw for brief mentions of possible sexual trauma and childhood abuse

summary: literally brainrotting over amanita, tav and astarion rn. this is all self indulgent. basically just my thoughts on how tav x astarion would work with amanita as their pseudo kid. found family ensues

you’re in act 1 after learning about astarion and his relation to cazador. a young girl shows up in the middle of the night, awkwardly trying to talk to you. if you pass an insight check, you see that she’s hiding something behind her, she’s nervous, it’s like she hasn’t talked to anyone in a while.

whether you fail the check or not, she fails her attempt. she fails to stake astarion in the chest regardless, and after a series of confusing attempts to talk you learn about who she is.

Her name is Amanita Szarr, and she’s on a mission to kill every vampire she finds despite being one. And she plans to kill a man named Cazador. She’s blunt, she’s honest, and she’s furious.

She’s wearing a crisp and wrinkly old dress, she has blood shot eyes and poorly chopped hair, she looks angry. not just angry, but vengeful.

over the course of a month you learn she’s cazadors fucking niece. although she would keep most of what she’s been through unknown. this would absolutely rock astarions perception of what was already an incredibly traumatic situation. how much was he hiding from him? How the fuck did he miss a kid being locked in an attic being turned into either a true vampire or dhampir due to a wonky transformation.

can you imagine the sheer abuse she went through? the severe isolation, and the possible sexual trauma (due to the type of ppl were dealing with here, although this is just speculation) and neglect for all of her adolescence.

astarion can understand it way more then he’d like to admit.

amanita and tav would start out with a general distrust for their respective reasons, but eventually grow a mentor and student relationship, after all she hasn’t been shown much basic affection. Although she’d be distrusting she’d be quick to latch onto someone…Astarion and her would be a very different story though.

amanita and astarion would hate each other initially. both terrified to confront the memories they want to block out, and both being complete opposites. she’s spent the entirety of her life locked in an attic, she’s shit with people.

she doesn’t know how to manipulate people and she doesn’t want to. Astarion has adopted it out of survival instincts. And needless to say he’s not fond of kids, even if they are over 100 years old. but slowly they both gain a begrudging sense of exasperation for eachother, but it’s fond.

it takes a long time no doubt, but they both share some things in common. They both want one particular asshole dead, and they’re both willing to hurt people to survive.

Id like to think that she’s a witch, a ranger, or a bard, she was incredibly academic due to how much time she had on her own. Maybe the only thing to occupy her time was an instrument and song writing. Maybe she just got really good with daggers and her only contact was with animals outside. But either way, she’s good at what she does and she’s willing to kill to survive.

It’d start with Astarion teaching her a few knife tricks. Slowly they’d start to talk about books. The turning point from a begrudging companionship to actual friendship would be when she shares one of her favorite books with him. he can see the doodles and annotations as he reads and slowly starts to see her as less of an annoying kid and more of an apprentice.

and as months passed, all three of you began to form this odd sort of trust. and that became something neither of you expected

a family. an unconventional and messy one full of people who were working through their problems, but a family nonetheless. after everything is said and done, the epilogue might consist of all three of you or just you and astarion, depending on how the story plays out and depending on whether or not she continues to hunt vampires (she’d also leave if he ascended in my opinion). and it’s the nicest thing she’s had in a long time

[moles-hideout]

Norton Campbell x Male! S/o college au!

Tw: Hints of NSFW, fighting (not really but still)

Tags: College au, Established Roommates, Established relationship, Fluff, Crack

A/N: This just very self indulgent tee hee :3

You and Norton have been best friends since Junior high. You two had been together through thick and thin, no matter what life threw at you. You two were inseparable, having each other's back at any time. (Even bailing Norton out of jail once but shhh)

To be clear, Norton is not someone who can be easily approached due to his infamous extreme mood swings but no one would have ever imagined that Norton would have a lover up until now. It felt almost natural for the both of you though. No matter what challenges you two face, you both always find a way support and uplift each other. You've celebrate many achievements together and provide a shoulder to lean on during tough times. The loyalty and care you two have for each other can never be replicated so easily.

Currently, you both graduated with a bang, got into your dream college and are now living in the dorms as roommates. Both of you having shared countless adventures and secrets through out your lives and ever since living together, it made the two of you even closer, to see each other's quirks and flaws. The other students really question if you two are just roommates or an old married couple.

Inside the dorm room, it's covered in a colorful mess of post-it notes with sweet messages, silly doodles, and inside jokes. It's their way of communicating and brightening each other's days. And in random occasions, you two leave love notes that are hidden in the most unexpected and odd places, like inside shoes or inside the cereal, keeping the romance alive in your everyday lives.

One of your favorite things about living together is the silly and weird traditions you two created. From weekend movie marathons to impromptu Mario kart competitions in the living room. Not to mention the endless prank war you two have, from putting plastic bugs in the shower to scaring each other during a scary movie, these traditions and antics have led to countless fond moments of laughter and bonding.

You two created a ridiculous number of nicknames for each other, some of which make no sense to anyone else but for you two, it's filled with love and whacky inside jokes.

Although, there are some downsides with living together. Mornings are a whirlwind of chaos as you two rush around trying to get ready for work or to class, often accidentally grabbing each other's clothes or toothbrushes in the rush.

One time, you accidentally took Norton's jacket to class and your professor (definitely not Luchino) teased you about it teehee.

We all know that Norton is frugal and thrifty, from extreme couponing to bargaining for half a prize. He wants to take you out for a dinner date in a very expensive restaurant? It now costs a fraction of what it was originally priced. Planning to go to that one very expensive amusement park? You bet your sweet ass he'll be surfing on the internet to find online discounts. "NonNon doesn't this [insert item here] cost $150?" "Oh yeah, I got a discount. I got it for $59." "I beg your pardon?-" "Then beg."

One time Norton got a call from one of your friends at the party you were attending, they've called to tell him to go pick your drunk ass up. Once he arrives, he sees you biting someone's ankle like an animal. (He had to tie you up to stop your reign of chaos.)

But your favorite part of the day, is where nighttime comes. Where the stress of the day leaves you both as a sense of peace and comfort replaces it.

There are times when words aren't necessary – just being around each other brings a sense of calm and happiness, you two find solace in each other's presence even in silence. You two can spend hours together simply reading working on their hobbies or just cuddling on the couch without needing to fill the silence with words. Sometimes, you both share vulnerable moments confess secrets and offer each other support. There's no need for words in such, for you both already know what the other is feeling after all. And it's already enough.

Hihihiiii thanks for reading my first hcs, I'm still trying to juggle school work and making hcs so please be a bit patient with me darlings! (⁠づ⁠｡⁠◕⁠‿⁠‿⁠◕⁠｡⁠)⁠づ

[macabrecravings]

Ohhhhhh... Very optional. And, naturally, something that could have multitudinous answers, so multiple could absolutely be given. But ALSO...

Given that they're talking again/have made up, enough that they could get away with it, what do you think the first non-"book criminal" thing Sydney would write on Kylar would be? Would Sydney change how they write book criminal on them, even, like they do for PC? Or would they not write on Kylar at all, maybe!

(BONUS: ADORE YOUR WRITING!! The thought you put into Sydneyposts and both your understanding of him and how he'd articulate things absolutely fucks to read :} your ocs seem really cool too... well wishes)

I HAVE!!! SO MANY THOUGHTS about Sydney (& Kylar) bodywriting <3 This got LONG but I'm genuinely rotating this so hard, thank you for prompting me.

— When they're closer, I imagine the normal "Book Criminal >:(" would become “Book Criminal :(“ with a sad face. Reason being...? Well, he's disappointed that Kylar's still destructing school property, even after all of his lecturing

— It's really fun to picture Sydney writing "Interesting" on Kylar, like he does to the PC when he's intrigued by them/getting closer to them. Interesting is... definitely one way to describe him, for sure. Kylar scrunches his face at it, trying to decipher what he means by it. Gets all grumpy and huffy, tries to glare at him but he just kinda looks like a wet cat LMFAO.

— Playing off of another canon Sydlar scene, I'm going to go ahead and take his "Kylar >:(" and make it "Kylar :)" [The original scene happens while Sydney & Kylar are fighting over PC and taking turns writing on them, but in this scenario I imagine it like most of his other PC bodywriting scenes.] - "Hey, can I write something on you?" - "Ah? Uh... y-yeah, I guess...?" - **Kylar :)** Kylar stares at it, confused. Why'd he... label him?

— Putting aside the fact that Sydney is super organized & clean, I loooveee the idea of him being a doodler. Hence why he draws little hearts and faces on people. Unlike Kylar, he refrains from drawing on school assignments & library books, but he still finds it enjoyable!! So, hear me out. Little stars, hearts, swirls, dotting the back of Kylar's hand and up his arm after he sits at the same table as him :)

Bonus points if Kylar rolls the sleeves of his school uniform/jacket down over them and forgets about them until that evening when he heads home. When he sees them again, the little red doodles are all smudged and he's kinda like, "Ah. Right." Maybe daydreams about it a little bit before he washes it off.

— Bit of a mushier, more self-indulgent one here but ummm...! Sydney writing nice little quips / little motivational phrases on Kylar's arms. Supportive little phrases to boost his confidence and keep him going throughout the day when things are rough. He rolls his eyes at the gesture, thinks it's dumb. But... at the same time, they’re validating. Having genuinely supportive reminders on his skin that contrast his scars? Ough...

(P.S. That means THE WORLD to me...!!!! My absolute favorite part of writing is characterization & I genuinely put so much thought into taking canonical bases and fleshing them out / expanding them while trying to keep it in the general realm of possibility!!! A lot of the time w/ the roleplay account, it's like taking a shot in the dark and running off of pure vibes so I looveeee that y'all enjoy what I do w/ it :))

Also. I'm so obsessed with my OCs, I can't wrap my head around the fact that people enjoy them as much as I do but I wouldn't change it for the world ;w; Characterizing and fleshing them out is a blast too, I'm not limited by anything really,,,, I find myself going "ugh I wish ____ would do *this* and I've got to be like. "I mean... who's stopping you...?" </3 Be free!!! Do whatever you want forever!! <3)

[jackmanifold-daily]

CAN WE KNOW ABOUT PROTEGE!JACK AU PLEASEEEE I'VE THOUGHT ABOUT IT TOO.

WHAT IF HE WENT WITH DREAM WHEN HE FIRST JOINED THE SERVER. WHAT IF DREAM FOUND HIM AT HIS LOWEST, AND EVENTHOUGH DREAM IS HIS (OTHER) SWORN ENEMY HE HAS NO ONE ELSE TO TURN TO OR TO HELP HIM. PLEASE TALK ABOUT CHILDMURDERDUO.

Ok so, I& was initially going to answer these asks with some art, but I& am realizing I& do not have the motivation and time to draw at the moment T_T I& still sprinkled in a few traditional doodles but not U_U Sorry that these asks were left unanswered for so long!

Protejack AU's core concept is Dream finds Jack right after his revival on Doomsday. Dream, naturally interested in Jack's powers, decides to get closer to him and team up.

Initially, Jack's hesitant to trust Dream for obvious reasons, but after a bit of time talking to him and having Dream show more support for him than any of his friends did, Jack agrees. Of course, the main goal they decide to work together towards is stopping Tommy from ruining the server, the one view they both share very closely.

This AU actually complies with canon pretty well, and all the events described so far I& genuinely think are things that should have happened in canon. It makes too much sense not to have. (They also did literally happen to me& in my& memories, so... maybe I&'m biased)

The things that happen next vary a little bit every time I& try to write or roleplay them out. But, in theory, project Dreamcatcher still can happen just fine with Jack working secretly both with Dream AND Niki. After that though, I& think rocketduo would fall apart when Jack would start suggesting that Dream may be misunderstood, something that would not sit well with Niki.

This leads me& to the next big point: isolation as one of Dream’s manipulation tactics. He convinces Jack that, because of his hatred for Tommy (and eventually, because of his association with Dream), nobody else would understand him and would even want him dead. Jack believes it because his experiences of everybody denying his death in Exile and Niki leaving him after he admits to supporting Dream.

This is where it gets self indulgent. I&'m not quite sure if it would be the most in character or fitting for canon idea, but a lot of the time I& imagine Jack kidnapping Tommy under Dream’s guidance and the two of them dragging him to The Second Exile.

(Yes it's a little bit stupid but it's a really good setup for whump and it kind of makes a little bit of sense)

Jack's duty in the Second Exile is to constantly guard Tommy so that he doesn't escape. Additionally, this is when Dream’s fascination with revival turns into an obsession, and when he also begins to properly do experiments on Jack (depending on the headcanon maybe he did a few before but this is where it picks up full force).

One of the honourable mentions here is an AU of this AU where using the revival book and knowledge from all the experiments, Dream binds Jack’s and Tommy’s souls together so that every time one of them dies, so does the other, but also since Jack always revives himself, him and Tommy are now functionally immortal.

I& am not entirely sure how this all ends. If everything before this is already variable and up for change, then the ending is doubly so. I& personally like imagining someone coming over to rescue Tommy and killing Dream and rescuing Jack in return, but I& get if that's a bit too boring. It's up for anyone's interpretation!

If anyone has any questions or ideas left, feel free to send them here or to my& main, @luigra , since this might be a little bit off topic for this blog.

[kalitheinksimp]

YIPPEE HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY HUSBAND AND BOYFRIEND INK!!!!!!

Another year spent of me loving this silly little skeleton guy that exists on the internet and my brain that makes people around me question my sanity!!! Honestly, i don't regret it one bit~

Here's a tiny doodle I drew for celebration~!

This is what reading manga does to my art style lmao-

Ahem- a lil Cringe-Emo-Lookin-Self-Indulgent-Emotionally-Vulnerable-Sappy art and personal stuff below the cut, uh.. also a bit of content warning, proceed only if you feel comfortable

Here's to another year with someone who quite literally brought colour to my life

Someone i could depend on, and be myself with

Someone who let me improve myself and my art

Someone who showed me I had potential, that it wasn't worth giving up

Someone i held onto when times were worst, when there was noone else to save me

Someone...who I loved more than myself. Who taught me to love myself too.

I am forever grateful for his existence. To others he might be just a character, just another drawing on a screen, but his existence has affected me alot. I can never feel the happiness i have gotten due to having him by my side, even if in imagination, from anything else.

He's who taught me true love. I would not be here without him.

Thank you, and Happy Birthday, my most beloved Ink ♡

[writinandcrying]

Needs - Rottmnt Raph x GN Reader

Tw: mentions of death, sickness, fear of losing someone, hospital talk, oldest siblings syndrome, extremely self indulgent, shit is really sad sorry loldnjdjd

——————————————————————————

You haven’t returned Raphael’s texts.

Or Donnie’s, or April’s, didn’t visualize any of Leo’s memes, not even when the youngest threatened that doctor feelings would make a visit, they didn’t respond, it wasn’t really a surprise, but still unsettling, lately y/n has been isolating themselves since the beginning of the year, everyone understood some sudden disappearances, taking care of a sick parent was no easy job, and to handle it alone was even harder, they knew you needed comfort, a shoulder to cry on, and they all thought they had made progress with opening up, the past 2 months they would discuss their issues more openly, but something changed in the past days

Raph waited, he knew you could be a lot like Donnie in stressful moments, Sometimes Raph likes to imagine his crush as a cat, he knew they would be the cutest, most cuddle-able, fluffy cat ever, but he also knew that you need to give space to a kitty somtimes until they finally feel comfortable enough to come to you on their own

Othertimes you have to meet them halfway

After a week of not responding, Raphael decided to pay y/n a visit, as would Donnie say, if his calculations were right, he wouldn’t like the view he was about to encounter

Raphael always tried to land “softly” or “quietly” on y/n’s firescape, concerned he would frighten any human with such loud noise over his body size, and god forbid he ever wanted to scare them away, tonight he let his patience slide a bit to the side, as anxiety bubbled inside of his heart, his landing was precise, he could feel at least 2 sections of the firescape under him shake with his arrival, quickly entering y/n bedroom window, he didn’t want to be seen as the sun was still setting in the skyline

a slightly damp nose meet his face, following along with many licks on his cheek “Hi, hi there, I missed you” y/n’s dog loved Raphael, Raph whisper the response as she showed her belly to him, tail wagging hassle waited for pets, between the boys, Mikey and Raph would always take the longest time into giving her attention her, so undoubtedly, they had become best buddies, and she specifically gave him the puppy eyesTM when movie night was at y/n place. The dog knew Raph couldn’t say no to those. “clever puppy“it didn’t really matter if she wasnt a puppy anymore, Raph could not hold that thought every time he saw her, the embodiment of excitement and cuteness

“She missed you too” a muffled voice came from the undone bed, at first, Raph thought you only left your window opened, as there was no signs of lights or well- Life, on your apartment complex, just a barely standing light on the door way was on, but he knew you always left that one on for your dog to find her way to her water bowl. Red slowly stood up, scanning the room for evidence, half a dozen empty water bottles on the floor, discarded granola bars around the furniture, along with a thin lair of dust covering 80% of your nightstand, your books, the notebook you loved to doodle in so much, forgotten like it was just a memory, waiting to be picked up again, clothes lazily unfolded one the infamously “dirty clothes”chair, yeah, Raphael’s calculations were right, unfortunately

“What about you?” Raph chuckled right after, to be truthful, forced it out, he didn’t want misinterpretation right now, he knows he needs to start with a light conversation and depending on your tone, shift it, take it more seriously if that’s what you needed

“Always” A hand slowly appear from out of the covers, searching to hold Raph’s, even when you were sad, you managed to comfort someone, to be there for someone when they barely could there for your self, he loved and also hated that about you, how selfless you could be even in your lowest

You could feel Raph lying next to you, by the weight distribution he was in his back, facing the celling, hands briefly connected, as your fingers slowly caressed eachother’s“Do you remember when my mom got sick? “ you spoke after a few minutes of being in silence, you werent ready to lift the covers from your face, you knew that when the turtle saw your state, he would bless you with the most tender embrace anyone could ask for, and you also know you wouldn’t be able to complete a single sentence if they got that right now “really sick, when she had to get hospitalized” you cleared their throat, after so many months, after seeing the worst of the worst, you would get get used to talking about it. No one ever prepares you to see the one who has always taken care of you become so… weak. So tired, lifeless, hopeless, that you will have to be the one to bathe them, to clean them, to dry their tears, to set boundaries because no, they can’t do what they have always done it before, their body can’t handle it. To stop your life because there’s no one else to take care of them, or at least, no one that cares enough to do so, so you take the burden. And god forbid you cry in front of them, otherwise they won’t even tell what they are truly feeling ever again, Guess it never becomes easy.

“Is she alright?” Raph held his breath, y/n wasn’t even the oldest, yet here you are, another victim of oldest sibling syndrome, something Raphael unfortunately knew it very well, he knew what taking all in made it to someone’s mental and physical state. Y/n couldn’t go to the hospital when their mom was first being hospitalized, due covid was still around, you had to stay home and wait for any news, Raphael promised to himself to never let you get to that stage again, how desperate, how broken you looked, how your sobs echoed in his mind every time he thought about you getting slightly sad or worried, Red has seen people cry out fear from their own life being taken away, but to see someone crying over someone they love, out of fear you might not ever see again? that’s another story, it hurts on a different level

“It’s not her” Raphael slowly reached for the duvet’s, as he let out a sigh he didn’t even knew he was holding in. Only dragging enough to see y/n eyes and puffy nose, Raphael could see trails of tears descending from their eyes to their nose bridge, eyes were puffy and red from crying for probably what has been hours by now, “she hasnt even finish all her chemo sections, and now she will have to take someone else along side wit her”

Raphael held his breath one more time, he stopped on his tracks to listen closely “my dad” “for the love of- please start with that next time” a large hand cupped your check, accidentally slipping a smile align side a soft snort, “sorry, I’m just” “I know. It’s ok” Raph closed his own eyes, he didn’t know it was possible to feel relief and sorrow at the same time

“I can’t go through it again Raph” you met his eyes for the first time, fear, regret, sadness, tiredness, there was so many emotions traveling through them, as heavy tears once again slid on their skin “my mom hasn’t even recovered from all of it, and now we’ll have to go through it, again? Where does it end?” There was no response to that, no one can predict it, seeing so upclose did bring some enlightenment to Raphael tho, his family had it rough, yes. but living a life without health issues was a gift he would never take it from granted again.

“I just wish, I just” hiccups interrupted your speech, it was hard processing thoughts, feelings, reality on that moment “whoever is writing my life, to fucking drop the parental death scare plot, shit is getting tiring” Raphael finally pulled you to his embrace, a heart warming hug, he felt his own eyes stinging with unshed tears

“It is”

“I’m so tired”

“I know”

“it’s so unfair”

“I know, I’m sorry”

There isn’t really a manual on what to do in this situations, or what to say, no one really knows, specially those who are living through it, the only thing Raphael thought it might help right now, was giving them physical security, a long, grounding hug, someone to rock y/n thoughout their sobs and shaking body, to caress their hair and just for a moment- be their rock, as they have been someone else’s through so long

And that’s exactly what y/n needed.

—————————————————————————

Authors note: I didn’t proof read this, I’m sorry if there’s any grammar mistakes

but yeah

I’m ok everything is ok hope you guys like whatever this was

[maxbytes]

sometimes i'll doodle something self-indulgent and think well no one wants to see that i'll just keep that for me, and then i look at the most self-indulgent art you could imagine on tumblr and think wow! we're all really drawing whatever we want and that's cool!