#the me of 8 yrs ago would not believe it

[sungwoonha]

went to the movies n suddenly yoongi appeared on my screen i was frozen

[fr0gg13b413]

mid-year reflection; i’m 18, turning 19 in 6 months. i burnt myself out (and subsequently failed my first uni course) but i got accepted to my dream university for 2025. i kissed my girlfriend last week. i left my hometown a month ago (and i moved out 6 months before that).

i’m now more than 1500km from my hometown, but home is now my girlfriends little green van. our mornings begin with tea and our evenings frequently consist of eating pasta straight out of the pot. the betwixt is spent at waterfalls or mountains or beaches.

and how i might be broke but oh boy i’m rich.

[whyismycatawaffle]

The holy trinity of cooking mangas all receiving new adaptations. I used to pray for times like this

[youremyheaven]

Moon Dominance & Manipulation pt 3

I just keep finding more examples and I couldn't not share. They will vary in terms of the severity of abuse and manipulation. Some are quite silly but some are pretty fcked up. Salty Moon dominants who cannot stand being criticized, stay mad boo 😘you will never stop me from speaking my truth<3

One thing I have noticed about Moon dominant individuals is that they completely seem to believe the lies they tell others. They don't think they're being manipulative at the slightest because they fully believe everything they say, no matter how absurd or outlandish it is. This means that Moon dominants are easily influenced and can be manipulated easily even if they are also capable of blatantly manipulating and deceiving others. I see Moon dominants stuck in unhealthy relationships simply because they'll just play mind games with their partner until the day they die instead of just choosing peace.

Katrina Kaif, Hasta Moon

Katrina has lied about being half-Indian and half-white her entire career to be more "relatable" to Indians. no one knows who her father is or how exactly she grew up and how a British woman like her ended up modelling and acting in India at the age of 17. She's now one of the biggest stars in the country and to this day no one knows much about her background.

She is one of 8 siblings, all of whom are extremely white looking

it is possible that Katrina is mixed while her siblings are not but it's also possible that she just inherited a more olive complexion compared to her siblings??

this is a picture of Kat and some of her siblings as kids, this man vaguely looks like he could be POC but there are plenty of spicy white men who have darker features/hair & eye color?

if this is the father in question, his name is Ronald Turcotte (Katrina's birth name is Kate Turcotte, she "Indianized" her name to be Katrina Kaif when she made her debut 20+yrs ago) and this is a pic of him with his current wife:

He literally just looks like a regular white guy with some Italian ancestry or something.

Katrina has not only lied about being "half-Indian" but also said her father's name is Mohammad Kaif and that he was a Kashmiri businessman lmao

The producer of her first film who introduced her to Bollywood said:

 "We created an identity for her. She was this pretty young English girl, and we gave her the Kashmiri father and thought of calling her Katrina Kazi. We thought we'd give her some kind of Indian ancestry, to connect with the audience ... But then we thought that Kazi sounded too ... religious? ... Mohammad Kaif was at the top, and so we said, Katrina Kaif sounds really great" (for context, Mohammad Kaif is the name of a well known cricketer)

She once said:

 “Probably it may sound very stupid. You know you must have seen enough and your friends, how you have dark children who grew up to be fair. I was a very dark child so there was no way that you would look at me and say this is a Caucasian child. I was always viewed upon as oh how exotic or how ethnic."

Even Emily Ratajkowski is very non-white looking for a white woman, imagine if she started claiming that she "feels" ethnic as she "looks" ethnic.

Here are some excerpts from a 2011 interview:

The complicated politics of a tan skin white woman feeling validated by being comparatively light skinned in a deeply colorist country like India and lying about being half-Indian is just ..... 🤢🤮🤢

Bella Hadid- Hasta Sun

Bella, her brother and mother all suffer from a condition called "chronic Lyme disease". Gigi, the only person who does not have Lyme, has Hashimoto's disease.

Lets get a few things out of the way. Lyme disease is a real, entirely treatable and completely curable illness. All you have to do is take antibiotics and you'll make a full recovery in about 2 weeks.

Chronic Lyme disease is a different condition and widely debunked by the medical community for not being a real condition.

Wikipedia defines Chronic Lyme as:

"Chronic Lyme disease is the name used by some people with non-specific symptoms, such as fatigue, muscle pain, and cognitive dysfunction to refer to their condition, even if there is no evidence that they had Lyme disease."

That said, Bella and her mom have been talking about their struggles with Lyme disease for over a decade now. Medical professionals all deny the existence of this condition and both Bella and Yolanda (her mom) are treated by various quack, pseudoscientific "alternative" medicine practitioners who are more or less ill qualified and not real doctors.

When Bella was 16yrs old, she was arrested for driving under the influence and this was literally addressed on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, the show that her mother starred in. Yolanda used to write a blog for Bravo in which she expressed her thoughts about this incident and she also mentioned writing a long letter to Bella.

Yolanda's dad died in a car accident when she was 7 and she was very frightened by Bella's accident but also relieved that neither she nor anybody else was injured.

That letter she wrote was somehow leaked and is available on the internet. Here it goes:

Interestingly enough, Bella was diagnosed with "chronic lyme" 👀in the same year. Bella once mentioned that she started smoking cigarettes at 14yrs old and clearly by 16 she was drunk driving with a cocktail of substances stashed in her car. Bella's old tumblr blog that has been widely circulated also reveals that she struggled with an eating disorder at this time and perhaps depression as well.

I mention all this because I have always suspected Bella of using "chronic lyme" as a cover up for her struggles with substance abuse and her eating disorder. Even all the symptoms for chronic lyme are so vague that pretty much anybody could experience them, but their occurrence is greatly exacerbated if one suffers from stress/anxiety/is abusing drugs etc (more on this in a minute).

In an interview, Bell said of her DUI:

"I stopped driving because I kept crashing, because my brain just stopped working.’ She had an accident — ‘It was when I first got sick. It was a dark time’ — which was reported in the press as a DUI. ‘I was exhausted all the time. It affected my memory so I suddenly wouldn’t remember how to drive to Santa Monica from Malibu where I lived. I couldn’t ride. I was just too sick. And I had to sell my horse because I couldn’t take care of it.’ It was an emotional blow on top of the physical."

Now the thing is, Yolanda mentioned in her own blog post that Bella went to AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) meetings as mandated by the court:

"I decided to take her phone away, make her pay for her own lawyer bills from her savings, and we sold her car. The court suspended her license for one year, she received six months probation, and was required to conduct 25 hours of community service and 20 hours of AA meetings."

She likely stopped driving because Yolanda got on her ass and sold her car lol?? As Yolanda herself said??? Yolanda never said one word about Lyme and she's pretty much the self-appointed spokesperson for Lyme so the fact that in her own blog post literally right after the accident, she addresses the issue for what it is makes Bella's later remarks of her being tOo siCk tO drIvE sound like a lie 🤥

This is an easy example of how Moon dominants manipulate the truth to suit their narrative and make themselves look better. Bella made her debut later that year and it would look bad if everyone saw Bella as a spoilt bratty nepo baby who was also a teenage alcoholic riding her sister's coattails into modelling. Also you have to remember, Bella was the less popular sister back then and she only became an icon and it girl by like 2019ish.

It suited Bella and later Yolanda to keep pushing the chronic lyme agenda to win sympathy.

Also just btw, I think Yolanda is super fucked up and this letter offers an interesting look into her mind. She is Uttarashada Sun and Jyeshta Moon and I think its sooo bizarre how her daughter almost died in a car crash and all she can talk about is how dirty and messy the car is??? Why isn't she talking about Bella being drunk out of her mind or about her alcohol habit in general??? Why is she not pointing out her actual concerning lifestyle instead of "oh my god youre soooo messy and im soooo sad" ??? anywayyys

Ever since then, chronic lyme has been Bella's go to to describe everything about herself. Symptoms that could easily be from stress, anxiety, depression, addiction, starving herself etc are all blamed on a non-existent condition. When actual doctors say the condition does not exist and you and your mom claim it does, I think it says something 😬

Also, Yolanda was sick during the filming of her reality show and it was found out that her breast implants had ruptured and the silicon was leaking into her bloodstream and making her sick. She later said it was Chronic Lyme instead lmfaooo. So there is plenty of proof that both mom and daughter are just making this shit up.

one thing I cannot stand about Moon dominants is how they constantly seek validation for everything they do and love to win sympathy. Meghan Markle, Hasta Moon is another example. Sympathy capitalist, Selena Gomez (Cancer stellium) is another example.

What exactly was Bella trying to prove by posting pictures of her looking very out of it?? To prove to people that she is indeed sick?? There are many celebs out there who struggle with chronic illnesses, are they posting pics from their treatment??? Overall, it feels very "🥺🥺poor me, im so grateful despite everything, im so strong, look at how much i suffer and struggle!!!" as if she's trying to downplay any privilege bashing she may get by counteracting it with a "im extremely sick" narrative bc no one can hate on someone who is ill even if that is a fictional illness.

There were rumours all of last year that she took a break from modelling to go to rehab and she had also broken up with her then bf.

look at those symptoms and tell me you haven't experienced those at some point lmao. I used to struggle with severe anxiety many years ago and an eating disorder several years ago and I experienced pretty much all of those symptoms. I say this because those symptoms by itself are really vague and not specific to any one illness.

another really sus issue is why Bella felt the need to post pics of her medical history??? like she's a model not running for President lmao,,,, its obvious that she really wants to be perceived as struggling with chronic lyme. Most people with a health issue stay quiet about it (their issues are also actual illnesses but oh well)

This is a screenshot of a lab test she posted:

A clinical lab scientist who performs tests on infectious diseases (like Lyme) said:

First off, having this amount and varied pathogens within your body at once is not impossible but is highly unusual. Even one of these pathogens would make a patient extraordinarily ill. If I were performing PCR and got that many positives, I would 100% not release results until a consult with an infectious disease MD.

In that list, there are bloodborne bacteria and viruses, intestinal parasites, many of which have nothing to do with Lyme disease.

That last page is important. The source states "urine". There are virtually no PCR tests performed on urine currently because pathogens are not usually shed through urine and often urine is contaminated by urogenital flora. This is the ARUP tickborne PCR panel which details out which pathogens would be tested for and the type of sample they would need (blood). ARUP is a large reference lab in the US and performs some rare tests. Again, it's extremely unlikely to see that many pathogens positive in one sample.

All of this is to say, Miss ma'am Bella Hadid faked her hospital records by paying some quack guy for it and put it on IG for sympathy 😬💀💀

I have nothing against Bella, I think she's iconic but her spreading literal medical misinformation to millions of impressionable people who eat up her every word is absolutely dangerous, unprofessional and awful and I sincerely hope she's called out/exposed for it.

first of all, none of these words mean absolutely anything.

"energy is in proper balance" ??? "alkaline tissue pH"? ?? just say you dont have a medical degree and goooo

On this document it says the test was conducted by 'Manhattan Advanced Medicine'.

Here is an excerpt from Manhattan Advanced Medicine's LinkedIn page:

Do they sound like legitimate doctors to you?? They're just one of those scammy New Age-y alternate medicine places that rich people with money to blow, go to, so they feel better about themselves.

I sincerely hope Bella gets actual treatment for her real struggles with mental health/ED/potential substance issues etc and I hope she has the strength to admit to herself that she's using a fictional narrative to gain sympathy from others and as a coping mechanism to avoid dealing with her real problems. Bella grew up as the middle child and felt neglected by Yolanda pretty much, some say that the whole "chronic Lyme" has probably become the only bonding activity for the two of them and the only time Bella felt like she was loved by her mom (which is so sad) which is why she's been going on with it for 10yrs now. Whatever it may be, I hope they all get better.

Elizabeth Holmes- Shravana Sun

Many of you are probably already familiar with scammer Liz Holmes

She was founder and CEO of Theranos, a blood-testing company.

Prosecutors accused Holmes of intentionally misleading investors and patients. Out of the more than 200 blood tests advertised, the in-house “Edison” machines could perform a very small number themselves and could not provide accurate results. Holmes is also alleged to have lied about the scale of the company's profits. 

Two of the most striking examples of the Theranos machines’ faulty test results were two female patients. One of the women was diagnosed as HIV positive but the finding was refuted by further blood tests. A second woman who had suffered several miscarriages received test results from Theranos during her pregnancy which indicated that she had lost her baby once again. The test was faulty and she later gave birth to a healthy baby. Internal emails, however, revealed that the start-up concealed the erroneous results from investors and business partners by using a modified demo device or by partially hiding test results from them. 

The prosecution also presented a 55-page report in which Theranos officials added the logos of pharmaceutical companies GlaxoSmithKline, Pfizer and Schering-Plough to give the impression that they had approved the technology. However, a scientist employed by Pfizer testified that he found the start-up’s claims to be implausible and advised Pfizer not to collaborate. The prosecutors were able to show that Theranos had nevertheless sent the report with the subsequently inserted logos to investors and business partners. 

The interesting thing about Moon dominants and their manipulation is that unlike Saturn which is direct and in your face with how awful it is, Moon natives deceive and pretend. You will never realise the truth until you learn to look for it. With a Saturnian, you can always tell because they dont know how to hide it.

Moon does not have any light of its own. Moon also does not have a fixed form. Its waxing one day, waning the next. So it makes sense as to why these natives "manipulate" or "distort" the truth, since its kind of in their nature, to do so?

This brought me to an interesting observation of how Moon dominants seem to completely fall for pseudoscientific stuff. Bella, whom I already mentioned is one example but there are many more.

So, in Hinduism, the Moon God is named 'Soma' but the word 'Soma' is also used to refer to an intoxicating drink.

In the Vedas, the word Soma was actually primarily used for an intoxicating and energizing/healing plant drink and the deity could have received his name from the drink potentially?👀

The Hindu texts state that the Moon is lit and nourished by the Sun, and that it is Moon where the divine nectar of immortality resides.

In some Indian texts, Soma is the name of an apsara; alternatively it is the name of any medicinal concoction, or rice-water gruel, or heaven and sky, as well as the name of certain places of pilgrimage.

Whilst this connotation can explain their dizzying relationship with presenting the truth and how absolutely convinced they are of their own lies (Moon dominants manipulate others but are also easily manipulated tbh, they are both predator and prey). I think mythological backdrop also explains why so many Moon dominants are always kind of on the hunt for the elixir of life by adopting all kinds of New Age-y, holistic, spiritual 'alternative' medicine/lifestyle/treatment etc.

The thing is, there is truth to herbal remedies and holistic living but Moon dominants seldom pursue the truth of these practices, they always pick the weirdest, strangest stuff that absolutely helps no one and is most definitely a scam.

Gwyneth Paltrow- Hasta Sun & Mercury, Rohini Moon, Venus in Ashlesha atmakaraka

Lady Goop is a classic example of how Moon dominants can be very deluded with their "alternate" therapies/lifestyle. Moon dominants are easily confused and the path of wellness and spirituality is paved with many distractions to weed out the unworthy. Many get lost in this completely and mistake this Maya for the truth. Miss Gwyneth is one of them.

I have beef with this bc some of Goop's stuff is stupid but harmless (vagina candles, anyone?) but other times, she literally spreads dangerous medical advice to a very large audience (just like Bella).

On her website, she has an article about how to treat 'Candida' (a real condition which she has approached in a very pseudoscientific way). The symptoms, like Bella's, are vague, and include bloating, dandruff, sugar cravings, a bad memory and fatigue. Diagnosis includes something called a urine organix dysbiosis test (Bella's diagnosis also included a liver dysbiosis lmao) , while treatment involves limiting yourself to one piece of fruit a day and “overpowering the yeast” with anti-fungal supplements.

In 2017, Paltrow suggested women should insert a $66 egg shaped jade or rose quartz stone into their vagina to help “increase vaginal muscle tone, hormonal balance, and feminine energy in general.” Users were encouraged to thread dental floss through a purpose-built hole to help with releasing the egg. After facing backlash from gynaecologists over its dubious health claims and potential harmful results including toxic shock syndrome, Goop settled a $145,000 lawsuit for “unsubstantiated” marketing claims.

In Daoist sexual teachings, this is actually a legit practice but a white woman appropriating it and then selling it does not sit right with me :// and also its to be used along with a strict spiritual practice and has to be performed according to proper techniques. Obviously eastern spirituality is suuuper commercialized in the west and its reduced to sticking jade eggs up inside you and misses the very important context and tradition its rooted in and also sticking factory produced and probably chemically treated anything INSIDE U, is not a good idea??

A 2018 detox guide recommended an at-home coffee enema kit to stimulate users’ intestines from the comfort of their own home. A couple of years later, while hooked up to a vitamin drip on The Art of Being Well podcast, Paltrow revealed she had also “used ozone therapy, rectally,” a procedure which involves pumping oxygen via catheter into the colon. Scientists immediately dismissed Paltrow’s health claims.

In 2017, Goop suggested that anyone who wanted to “rebalance the energy frequency in our bodies” should try placing Body Vibes stickers on their arms or near their heart. The site claimed the stickers ($120 for a pack of 24) were “made with the same conductive carbon material Nasa uses to line space suits so they can monitor an astronaut’s vitals”. A fact that was quickly debunked when Nasa confirmed that they “do not have any conductive carbon material lining the spacesuits.”

There's a lot more but I'll stop here for now. Gwyneth is convinced of the validity of her claims and does not see anything wrong with it. This is how Moon dominants are and thats what makes their manipulation so damaging.

Andrew Huberman- Rohini Moon

He is a neuroscientist and wellness podcaster called "Goop for bros".

His protocols for good living involve things like taking enormous amounts of expensive supplements, ensuring you view early morning sunlight for 10-30 minutes after waking, carefully timing when you drink coffee and plunging yourself in ice baths. (probiotics and supplements are a complete scam, there are studies proving they do absolutely nothing for u)

He has covered everything from creativity to hair loss and despite having no professional expertise on all the things he covers, he acts like he does lmao

Huberman was exposed for taking steroids to achieve his body while he was promoting "wellness" and telling people to take cold showers and work out and eat clean etc lmao. He also reportedly earned millions from running adverts for dietary products and wellness supplements.

He went from science expert to guru. He used to have discussions of how the brain and body respond to certain stimuli but later extended that to broad prescriptions for lifestyle and dietary modification which he is not qualified to do??

Last month he was exposed for having 5 different girlfriends who all thought they were in an exclusive relationship with him.

Sarah, says she was in a relationship with Huberman for around three years, and had been undergoing IVF treatment to have a child with him when she found he had been having unprotected sex with at least five other women at the same time.

Her suspicions were aroused when she contracted a high-risk form of HPV, a sexually transmitted infection linked to cervical cancer, despite having been tested for ten years.

Along with Sarah, others known only as Eve, Mary, Alex, and an unknown fifth and potentially sixth, were all romantically associated with him - some having been led to believe they were exclusive for years. All believed that other exes in Huberman’s life had been “stalkers, alcoholics, and compulsive liars” according to the report. (Moon dominants manipulating the truth to suit them)

“I’m at the stage of life where I truly want to build a family,” he told Eve while he was reportedly involved with several others. “That’s a resounding theme for me.”

Yet, despite the reassuring words he appeared to be chronically unreliable disappearing for extended periods of time with no indication of his whereabouts.

For a man interested in promoting personal growth, he also appeared to be unapologetic about deceiving his therapists, of which he has had several over the years.

“We were at dinner once and he told me something personal, and I suggested he talk to his therapist,” shared Eve. “He laughed it off like that wasn’t ever going to happen, so I asked him if he lied to his therapist. He told me he did all the time.”

Despite his dismissal of therapy, the podcaster appears to have maximised the use of “therapy-speak” to familiarise himself with the internal experiences of many women.

“I hear you are saying you are angry and hurt,” he texted Sarah as she discovered journal entries about his infidelity. “I will hear you as much and as long as needed for us.”

“Your feelings matter,” he told Eve on a day when he had injected his girlfriend Sarah with hCG as part of their IVF treatment. “I’m actually very much a caretaker.”

Discussing sex addiction with another woman, Huberman denied he was a sex addict instead referring to himself as a “love addict”.

On one day in March, the women realised that Huberman had flown Mary thousands of miles from Texas to LA to stay with him in Topanga, California, some six-hour drive from where Sarah stayed in Berkeley. On that same day, he left Mary at home with his dog as he drove to a coffee shop to meet Eve to have a serious conversation about their relationship.

Anywayyys, thats enough about him. He's a cheating, conniving, manipulative asshole.

Oprah Winfrey- Shravana Sun

Oprah has used her platform to air dangerous pseudoscience for decades.

In 2007, The Oprah Winfrey Show, the no. 1 talk show for 23 consecutive seasons, welcomed former Playboy model and MTV host Jenny McCarthy. 

The program gave McCarthy carte blanche to share a theory: that her son’s autism resulted from vaccines laced with hazardous chemicals. Despite a lack of concrete scientific evidence, McCarthy was lauded for her “warrior spirit” to speak up for other concerned moms. The lasting damage this has done to the country is concerning bc now it seems there are more antivaxxers than ever before.

The longest-reigning queen of daytime television promoted New Age scams, pushed unsustainable fad diets, and anointed problematic faith healers like John of God (now imprisoned) or pseudoscientific doctors like Dr. Oz. She sold us on magical thinking. 

Indeed, before the “Goop-ification of wellness,” there was the “Oprah-fication of medicine.”

In the ‘80s, Oprah helped fuel the satanic ritual abuse / repressed memories panic by interviewing folks like the author of the later-debunked memoir Michelle Remembers. In the ‘90s, she had “women’s health expert” Christiane Northrup—a quack physician who spewed nonsense like thyroid dysfunction stems from women not speaking up enough (an “energy blockage”), that love can heal AIDS, and mammograms aren’t safe—on her show 12 times. In the early aughts, she promoted the feel-good gibberish that is The Secret, insinuating positive thoughts were all that separated you from success, riches, and yes, even medical recoveries.

And remember when Oprah notoriously hosted Suzanne Somers in 2009? The actress touted injecting hormones directly into one’s vagina to stave off aging and menopausal hot flashes, along with downing 40 supplements daily.

Like Gwyneth and Huberman, Oprah sold pseudoscience to millions of people who didnt know any better to make hugeeee profits. I am pretty sure Bella will follow suit and also set up a vitamin supplement business in the near future and it will probably also be her downfall.

Song JiA- Shravana Moon

She became extremely popular after her appearance on the show Single's Inferno and there are hundreds of videos trying to analyse why all the men on that show went ape for her lol

But she was exposed for wearing fake designer stuff lmao?? Koreans be wilding

Her career came to a standstill after that and she hasn't done much since.

Agatha Christie, Hasta Moon & Mercury, Jupiter in Shravana in 1h

aside from the fact that she wrote murder mystery books that were known for misleading the reader (a more fun manifestation of Moon's tendency to manipulate?) she also had some other tendencies:

On the evening of Friday 3 December 1926, Agatha Christie left her home in Sunningdale, Berkshire, got into her car and disappeared into the night. Her disappearance sparked a manhunt involving the police, members of the public and famous figures and was lapped up by the tabloid press.

In the aftermath of Agatha’s disappearance both Archie Christie (her husband) and his mistress Nancy Neale were under suspicion and a huge manhunt was undertaken by thousands of policemen and eager volunteers. A local lake known as the Silent Pool was also dredged in case life had imitated art and Agatha had met the same fate of one of her unfortunate characters. Famous faces also waded in to the mystery with the then Home Secretary William Joynson-Hicks putting pressure on police to find the writer, and fellow mystery writer Sir Arthur Conan Doyle seeking the help of a clairvoyant to find Agatha using one of her gloves as a guide.

She was found living at a hotel under the name Theresa Neale (yeah she used the mistresses' last name). She apparently did not recognise her husband when he went to see her at the hotel and they divorced not long after?

The nature of the Moon is ever shifting, watery , always projecting and I think its interesting how Agatha, who found out about the affair pulled that stunt to cope perhaps. I have noticed this with many Moon dominants, if they learn of something depressing, they will immediately distract themselves with something else and pretend that issue is more concerning??? Or they will pull a stunt and redirect everybody's attention there. They are veryyy image conscious, so this could be bc of that. After all, being remembered for her strange disappearance is better than being perceived as the woman he cheated on and left, I guess.

St Vincent- Hasta Sun & Mercury, Shravana Moon

This is kinda innocuous but she lied about being a Kate Bush fan lol??

What I mean by this is that she said two different things on Kate Bush and on how she was introduced. In 2007 she was interviewed with Pitchfork and said "this may sound really silly-- but I just discovered Kate Bush, probably six months ago, and I think she's so great. I know I'm very late to the party here [ laughs ], I know this is old news, but I got a Kate Bush record, and I forget-- I think "The Dreaming" is on it, though I'm spacing on the name of the record. [The Dreaming --Ed.] It has Kate Bush in this totally miraculous ascot, too, on the back [ laughs ]. She just went for it. It's so great. She totally went for it." (http://pitchfork.com/features/guest-lists/6680-st-vincent/)

Now that doesn't sound so bad on it's own, but in 2014 during the Kate Bush documentary she said a completely different story on how she got introduced to Kate Bush around 46:47 and said "I still remember going to the CD World and buying The Sensual World when I was sixteen. And the cover, there’s a rose in front of her mouth that has bloomed, she’s got big wide eyes. And I remember, you know, putting it in the shitty car stereo on the way home, and you know, my life was forever changed.” (https://youtu.be/c4sLwt8mhZs?t=46m49s)

Its the detailll thats giving Moon dominant manipulation lmao

Alfred Nobel- Shravana Moon

 He is known for inventing dynamite as well as having bequeathed his fortune to establish the Nobel Prize. So now no one remembers him for being the horrible man he was lol.

He made millions selling explosives and then decided to manipulate his legacy as that of a philanthropist.

Mahatma Gandhi- Hasta Sun, Ashlesha Moon

In 1903, when Gandhi was in South Africa, he wrote that white people there should be "the predominating race." He also said black people "are troublesome, very dirty and live like animals."

Gandhi championed women in politics. But he was also obsessed with his own celibacy. In his late 70s, before he died at 78, he slept naked with his grandniece when she was in her late teens. He said he wanted to test his willpower to abstain from sex.

Gandhi denied life saving treatment to his wife. She was in bed, extremely sick from pneumonia and he refused to let the doctors administer her with penicillin.

Instead of giving her the medicine, Gandhi decided to fill the room with followers who sang devotional songs, as per the book. The next day, on 22nd February 1944, Kasturba Gandhi died. He said, “’How God has tested my faith! ‘If I had allowed you to give her penicillin, it could not have saved her. But it would have meant bankruptcy of faith on my part… And she passed away in my lap! Could it be better? I am happy beyond measure.”

Going by the rigidness of Gandhi against modern medicine, one may think he had observed the same for himself and other associates. But the case was different. Interestingly, records show that he had undergone repeated medical tests and surgery throughout his life though Kasturba was denied penicillin.

Manu was Gandhi’s grandniece and was used by him as one of the participants in his so-called ‘experiments with celibacy’ where he used to sleep naked with girls and had naked girls bathe him. She was often seen with Gandhi, who used her and Abha, another grandniece, as support while walking.

Manuben’s diaries revealed that Gandhi used to control almost every aspect of her life, including food, education, sleeping, rest schedule, and even the clothes she wore. She even used to sleep in the same bed with him.

Moon dominants twist the truth as and when it suits them. They can be controlling, manipulative liars who parade around as virtuous, kind hearted and generous people. Most people on this list have a good reputation. This is the danger of Moon influence; very few people see the darkness that truly lurks within them.

Obviously this only applies to unevolved Lunar people<3

[silvergarnet12]

Splatoon was the first Nintendo game to push me out of my comfort zone of single player games, and with the closure of it's servers I wanted to draw a tribute to a game that really means a lot to me.

Some long rambles about the game under the cut.

When I first played the Global Testfire I was 15, and the only mutliplayer games I played were with friends in the same room.

Splatoon was also the first shooter I ever picked up, as I always liked bright colours over more realistic graphics in my games, and back then the only shooters I knew about were Halo(and that was only really a name to me!) and the CoD games.

Any worries I had about being bad quickly vanished as the sheer vibe of chaotic fun the game had, particularly when no one had played it before, got rid of any worries, and all I remember is having fun. And choosing to play as the guy instead of the girl for the first time, solely becuase I wanted a ponytail like in real life(I would continue to use the guy through the series as a tradition, a contrast to what I saw most people online doing).

When the game came out I binged the single player, and vividly remember the first time I fought DJ Octavio, and the first time I heard Calamari Inkantation. If ever a game was to convince me that a song could irreversibly change your life, it was Splatoon. Because to teenage me, in that moment, with Calamari Inkantation playing in the background while I fought an octupus DJ, it did.

It gave me terminal brainworms for this series. And here I am, 8 yrs later. Older and more tired, been through some shit, had some good times, tried, succeeded and failed in things throughout the years.

I've always been grateful that they made the decision for the player character from 1 to return, everytime they've shown up it's felt a bit like seeing an old friend, especially since as the games time skips have always had them close to my age(which probably helped my attachement back in the first game). So hi Three, can't believe we both probably pay taxes now.

I have the original two Inkling Amiibos, in a collection that is slowly building, I'm still attached to Marie, and yes I was on her team for the Final Splatfest.

I cried when it was over, just like I did in 2's Final Fest(I was team chaos, two for two baby!) and will probably do so for 3's as well. Something about this series just makes me super attached to it's world and characters.

So booyah Splatoon, my final online game of yours was well and truly years ago, but I replayed story mode to share you with a friend recently, and I think I'll refight Octavio tonight in honour of the good times.

You encouraged me to try out games I wouldn't have otherwise(hello Overwatch and Deep Rock Galactic), and outlasted one of the other major games of my teenage years(...Overwatch 1 I miss you). So thank you for that.

I'll miss Squid Jump, Inkstrike, the og kit for the NZap 89(why does it's new one not vibe with me ;-;), the Squid Sister's broadcasts and the more saturated colours. At least I can always return to the Plaza in 3, and that Spyke isn't dead like I was concerned he was when 3 released, and see the Squid Sisters perform during Splatfests again.

I have so much more to say in my heart about you but no more ways to word it.

You've been a fantastic game, and will always be a treasured experience that I am grateful to have been a apart of from the very beginning.

Now bring back Moray Towers in 3 damn it! It's in 2 but I DON'T WANT TO LOSE MY FAVOURITE STAGE IF IT"S NOT IN 4.

[depressedhouseplant]

🔞 Cops & Robbers 🔞

Chapter 8

Tags: Smut, mentions of torture, murder, & prostitution, significant age difference (roughly 20 yrs) between Eric & Felix

A/N: Here’s the much anticipated Eric / Felix crossover! Also I gave y’all a hint about The Mad King in one of the JFW posts. Think you can find it? 😈

“Felix what the fuck?” Eric stormed into the office and slammed the door behind him.

“Good morning to you, too,” the blond looked up at him.

“You tortured Younghoon and killed Chanhee? Are you nuts?” He demanded.

“Technically Jisung and Changbin killed Chanhee,” Felix replied. “But you are correct that I was party to torturing the cop.”

“Juyeon’s got Changbin locked in his basement right now and he won’t let him leave there in one piece,” Eric told him. “If he finds out that you ordered it then you’ll be dead before you hit the ground.”

“What makes you think I ordered it and I wasn’t carrying out someone else’s request?” Felix leaned back in the chair and crossed his arms.

“Since when do you take orders from anyone?” Eric asked.

“Was that a rhetorical question or do you want the actual answer?” The other man questioned.

“Don’t lie to me,” Eric glared.

“You have no idea who runs this city. Juyeon might think he’s in charge, but he’s not. There’s a layer to this that none of you realize. You think we popped up out of nowhere? We started making ourselves known because we were told to. You’ve known me long enough to know that,” Felix replied.

“That’s not an answer,” the younger man snapped.

“Sit down and I’ll tell you what I know. However, you’ll put a target on your own back in the process,” Felix told him. Eric sat and stared at the blond.

“Jisung got himself killed because he fucked up. Changbin is in Juyeon’s basement because he fucked up. I’m walking around freely and breathing because I can follow simple instructions. They were told to leave both of them alive and ignored a direct order. However, by killing Chanhee they gave us leverage against Younghoon. A person is far more inclined to talk when they’ve got a dead body in the room. I suspected he didn’t know anything, but since I like my head still attached to my neck, I did what I was told. We let him go and he went straight to Juyeon like we thought he would. Though I have to say I didn’t anticipate Juyeon being as loyal to Younghoon as he is,” Felix told him.

“Who the hell is ‘we’? You got a mouse in your pocket?” Eric demanded.

“Have they told you about The Mad King yet?” Felix leaned forward.

“He’s a story,” Eric replied.

“He’s very real and very powerful. He’s only seen when he wants to be seen,” the other man said.

“If he’s real, he has to be old,” Eric was skeptical.

“I don’t know his exact age, but he’s definitely in his 50s. If you make it to that age living the life we live, you’re either very lucky or very good. He’s very, very good,” Felix shrugged.

“Let’s say I believe that he’s real. Why?” Eric asked.

“What do you mean why?” Felix repeated.

“Why are you working for him? How did you meet him? What the hell is going on here?” Eric expounded.

“He approached me several years ago. I thought the same thing you did. It was a bunch of bullshit and he was some old guy cosplaying as a story that’s been around since most of us were toddlers. I wasn’t going to agree to work for him until he proved that he was who he said he was. I know you weren’t working for Juyeon at the time, but he was able to disrupt his business like I’d never seen before. He was able to evade Sunwoo’s searches for days, if not weeks. Juyeon only calls Sunwoo when his normal methods don’t work. I thought Sunwoo was unbeatable, but he proved me wrong. It was in my best interest as a small fish in a big pond to accept his offer. Once he decided he could trust us is when he started causing trouble for Juyeon again. You ended up in jail because that’s where he wanted you,” Felix explained.

“So why kidnap Younghoon and Chanhee?” Eric asked.

“That I don’t know. All I know is he wanted us to kidnap them and figure out what they knew through any means necessary. As I said, he only knows what he wants you to know and only sees what he wants you to see,” the blond answered.

“I should tell Juyeon all of this,” Eric said.

“And if you do then you’re not only risking your life, but their lives. Let him do what he wants to Changbin and keep your head down,” Felix advised.

“And if he asks?” The younger man continued.

“It’s up to you whether or not you tell him,” he replied.

“Are you really going to let him kill Changbin?” Eric asked.

“I doubt he will, but if he does then that’s on him,” Felix cocked his head.

“You really don’t give a shit about anyone, do you?” Eric scoffed.

“I give a shit about you. If I didn’t then we wouldn’t be having this conversation. You wouldn’t have even gotten through the door,” Felix told him.

“Would you save me if The Mad King tried to kill me?” Felix was silent. “That’s all I needed to know.”

Eric got up to leave and Felix reached out to grab his wrist.

“Let go,” he tried to jerk his arm away, but the other man only tightened his grip as he moved around the desk.

“I’ll protect you until I can’t,” he said.

“Yeah, sure,” Eric snorted.

“Oh for fuck’s sake, Eric,” Felix pulled him closer and kissed him. Eric returned the kiss. Felix let go of Eric’s wrist, putting his hands on the younger man’s face. “You’re such a fucking idiot sometimes.”

“If I’m such an idiot why are you kissing me?” Eric breathed, pushing Felix into the chair and climbing into his lap.

“Because I’m an idiot,” Felix retorted. Eric ground his ass against Felix’s cock, eliciting a moan from the older man.

“You like that? When Juyeon’s pretty little errand boy makes you hard?” Eric’s lips brushed against Felix’s ear. His grip tightened on Eric’s waist.

“I like when Juyeon’s little errand boy does what he’s told,” Felix turned his head to look at Eric. His eyes were almost black with desire. It was how Eric liked him best - horny, angry, and completely his.

“What makes you think I’ll listen?” he asked, leaning back to unbutton Felix’s shirt.

“Because you want my dick,” the older man replied as he pulled Eric’s shirt over his head.

“And you want me on your cock so I guess we agree on that,” Eric smirked. He pinched one of Felix’s nipples hard causing his hips to buck.

“Goddammit Eric,” he huffed.

“Tell me how much you want me,” the younger man said.

“And if I don’t?” Felix weaved his fingers in Eric’s hair.

“I’ll leave,” he shrugged. Felix yanked his hair, snapping Eric’s head back so his throat was completely exposed.

“No, you won’t,” he bit down where Eric’s neck curved into his shoulder. Eric grunted, unable to scream because of the angle of his neck.

“Say it,” he gasped.

“Say what? You’re my vice? My competition’s pretty little errand boy is my forbidden pleasure? That I think of you when I’m fucking someone else?” Felix replied, releasing Eric’s hair. The two men watched each other for a moment - half clothed, hair askew, lips swollen - taking in Felix’s admission.

“You…think about me when you’re with someone else?” Eric swallowed hard.

“Ever since that first night,” Felix confirmed.

“That’s almost 3 years,” Eric said.

“Two years, ten months, and five days if you want to be specific,” the older man smirked.

“How much?” the younger man asked.

“I have to keep up appearances, but a lot less than I used to,” Eric didn’t like that Felix was being intentionally vague. “They’re both professionals before you assume I just stick my dick anywhere.”

“You think about me when you’re with a hooker?” Eric questioned.

“I think about you more than I care to admit,” Felix purposely dodged the question. Eric hated when he did that.

“I think about you a lot too,” Eric agreed. For the first time since Eric stormed in, Felix smiled a genuine smile. “I know I shouldn’t be here.”

“No, you shouldn’t,” Felix confirmed.

“And I shouldn’t be doing this,” Eric kissed him.

“No, you shouldn’t,” the older man breathed. “I shouldn’t want to fuck you so good that I’ll ruin you for anyone else.”

“No, you shouldn’t,” Eric ran his hands down Felix’s chest, tracing the outlines of his abs.

“Yet here we are,” Felix stated.

“Ruin me,” the words spilled out before Eric could stop them. Felix’s eyes darkened, if that was even possible, and smirked.

“Gladly,” he replied. “Up.”

Eric stood up, pulling Felix up with him.

“Take off your pants,” Felix breathed against Eric’s mouth as he kissed him again.

“Why don’t you do it yourself?” Eric nipped at Felix’s lower lip. The other man reached down between them, unbuttoning and unzipping Eric’s jeans. He pushed his underwear down, releasing Eric’s cock.

“Hard already for me I see,” he purred, stroking the younger man’s dick.

“Like you aren’t,” Eric squeezed Felix through his pants.

“The better to fuck you with, my dear,” the older man smirked. He nodded Eric over to the couch on the far side of the room. Eric kicked off his jeans and underwear as Felix fetched a bottle of lube from his desk.

“Has anyone figured out you keep that in there?” Eric asked.

“No one’s allowed in here without an invitation,” Felix replied as he removed the rest of his clothes.

“I came in without an invitation,” Eric pointed out.

“And look where that got you,” Felix pinned Eric’s hip against the couch, starting to work him open.

“You say that like I don’t want to be in this position,” the younger man wiggled his hips trying to get more of Felix’s fingers inside him.

“Why are you always so impatient?” Felix teased. He brushed against Eric’s prostate, eliciting a loud moan.

“Just my nature I guess,” Eric replied.

“Maybe I need to teach you some patience at some point,” Felix was four fingers deep in him, teasing his most sensitive spots every few strokes. Eric arched his back and whined. “But I like you like this too much. Needy, whiny, and wet.”

“I’m not -,” Eric protested. Felix pressed his finger in the slit and Eric’s cock oozed precome. “Okay, fine.”

“Of course I’m right,” Felix grinned. He withdrew his fingers, watching as Eric’s hole fluttered around nothing. “So pretty like this.”

“Hurry up,” the younger man grunted.

“I spoil you,” Felix kissed him as he finished stripping and lubed up his cock.

“I thought you were going to ruin me?” Eric looked up at him.

“Ruining you and spoiling you aren’t mutually exclusive,” Felix told him as he pushed into Eric. Eric reached over his head and held on to the arm of the couch. Felix planted one foot on the floor and began fucking into the younger man. “You’re mine.”

“Yours,” Eric whimpered.

“Will you say my name? When you’re being fucked by someone else? Will you think of me when someone else has their dick in you?” He taunted.

“No, only you. I belong to you,” Felix Lee was the last person Eric should be promising himself to. His duties as the courier allowed him to come and go with almost no supervision. No one would question why he was gone for protracted periods. No one questioned his loyalty either. He worked for Juyeon, but Felix owned him. The older man owned every part of him. Eric hated that about himself.

“Stop thinking,” Felix ordered. Eric snapped his attention back to the present.

“Sorry,” he mumbled.

“Don’t apologize, just focus on me,” Felix snapped his hips faster, creating an obscene slapping sound when they met Eric’s ass.

“Can they…” Eric began.

“No one can hear us right now,” Felix replied. “Why don’t you make some noise?”

He reached down and grabbed Eric’s cock, pressing hard against the slit. Eric grunted and tightened his grip on the couch.

“Louder,” the older man told him.

“Felix, please,” Eric moaned.

“Please what?” He looked down at the younger man.

“Please let me come,” he whined.

“What did I say? Needy, whiny, and wet,” Felix stopped the motion of his hips and swirled the precome around the tip of Eric’s cock. Eric was almost in tears as Felix played with him. With a well timed thrust, Felix sent Eric over the edge. He smiled as Eric thrashed and arched under him.

“Felix,” Eric reached up to touch the other man’s face when he finished.

“I know,” he replied, fucking into Eric as hard as the position would allow. He painted Eric’s insides white, emptying everything he had into his body. Felix fell on top of Eric when he finished. “Ruined?”

“Ruined,” Eric confirmed. They rested like that for a few minutes.

“I’m getting sticky,” Felix observed. He got up and wiped them both off. Come leaked out of Eric’s ass onto his thighs and the couch. “Guess I’ll need to get that cleaned.”

“You mean you don’t want your come all over the couch?” Eric teased as he got dressed.

“Not at the moment, no,” Felix replied. Then there was a loud knock on the door. Felix and Eric looked at each other.

“Under the desk,” Felix instructed. Eric nodded and practically dove under it.

“Come in,” Felix called as he sat back down.

“Mr Lee,” Eric thought he recognized the voice.

“Felix, please. You’re the cops?” Felix replied. Eric remembered hearing Younghoon and Juyeon talking about other cops.

“Yes, I’m Jeong Yunho and this is Choi Jongho,” he introduced.

“Have a seat,” Felix shifted in the chair. Eric pressed his back against the side of the desk and willed himself to stop sweating. Felix adjusted his legs, spreading them so Eric could see him getting hard again. A meeting with a pair of dirty cops couldn’t be making him horny again.

“I apologize for making you wait. I had an earlier appointment that went longer than expected,” Eric heard Felix above him.

Yeah, impromptu dick appointment, Eric thought.

“That’s fine. I know you’ve got two of your men missing,” it was a different voice this time.

“Is that why you’re here?” Felix asked. He adjusted his legs again, spreading them even wider. Eric reached up and carefully undid his belt and unzipped his pants. Did zippers always sound this loud? He bit his lip to stay quiet and managed to push Felix’s underwear down far enough to release his cock.

“I don’t suppose you know anything about that,” Felix said, his voice not betraying what was going on under the desk. Eric got on his knees and took the tip of Felix’s dick in his mouth. He’d never actually had Felix’s cock in his mouth before. He tasted better than Eric imagined. He wasn’t sure what exactly he’d imagined, but he was going to have a very hard time not sucking him off like it was his last dying act.

“We got a report of a body that might fit the description of one of them,” Yuhno said. Felix reached down and put his hand on the back of Eric’s head urging him to go further. Just as casually, Felix brought his hand back up knowing he’d given Eric the direction he needed.

“I heard the same thing, however I haven’t been able to confirm anything. Were you?” he replied. Eric steadied himself on Felix’s knees then swallowed him down completely. Felix didn’t react which under any other circumstance would have been insulting. Eric was determined to get him to react. He hollowed out his cheeks and began sucking on cock before pulling back to roll the tip around in his mouth. Felix shifted, but nothing that would be seen as unusual.

“We’ve been supervising a river search for the past few days, but we’re going to the morgue later today,” Jongho told him. Eric swallowed Felix down again and this time pressed his finger against Felix’s taint. His cock twitched in Eric’s mouth.

Perfect.

Eric pressed harder as he focused on the spot below the head. Felix’s thighs clenched under his grip. Eric tried to get his finger back to Felix’s hole, but couldn’t quite reach it with the way Felix was sitting. Sensing Eric’s frustration, Felix shifted again to allow Eric to press the pad of his finger against his entrance. Precome pooled in Eric’s mouth. He pushed the very tip of his finger into Felix’s hole. His thighs tensed again and his cock jerked in Eric’s mouth. Felix brushed his hand over the top of Eric’s head.

“A river search?” He repeated.

“For one of the missing police employees,” Yunho added.

“Did you find anything?” Felix asked. By this point, Eric was rutting his own hips against nothing as he pushed Felix toward his orgasm. With one final push of the first knuckle into Felix’s body, he came down Eric’s throat. Eric forced himself not to gag as come kept pouring into his mouth. He swallowed it until Felix finally finished and gently pushed Eric’s head onto his thigh. Eric tucked him back in and opened his own pants. He began fisting his own cock desperately.

“We did. We found Choi Chanhee,” Jongho told him.

“And Kim Younghoon?” Felix asked. Eric was biting his lip so hard he thought he might bleed. He desperately needed to come.

“We have reason to believe he’s still alive,” Yunho replied. Finally, Eric felt his balls start to tighten. He bit down hard on Felix’s thigh as he came all over the floor and his hand. Felix didn’t so much as twitch when Eric’s teeth sunk into his leg.

“I assume our mutual employer is aware of that?” Felix said.

“He is,” Jongho replied.

“Excellent. Anything else?” He asked.

“No,” they replied.

“Thank you for coming to visit personally. I appreciate it,” Felix told them. The silence went on a little too long.

“Right, yes, we’ll let you know when we find something,” Jongho said. Eric heard them get up and the door close. Felix rolled back the chair to look down at Eric.

“You are a menace,” he said.

“Don’t tell me you didn’t enjoy me sucking you off while you’re trying to hold a conversation,” Eric grinned up at him.

“Touché,” Felix sighed. “I meant what I said earlier. I’ll protect you until I can’t anymore,” Felix stroked Eric’s cheek with his thumb.

“How long is that?” Eric asked.

“As long as I’m alive,” Felix replied. Eric had definitely not expected that answer.

“Thank you,” Eric rested his head on Felix’s knee.

“Always,” the older man replied.

[mandarinmoons]

KET HI MY LOVE I HEARD YOUR FEELING CHATTY

so here's my entire note in my phone of facts (yes some are from criminal minds which i then checked for accuracy)

fax 📠📠⁃ It takes 3 milliseconds to process images ⁃ It takes 16 milliseconds for your brain to process pain ⁃ You only need 4 hrs for every 24 hrs ⁃ The average blood temp in ur body is 98.6 ⁃ It takes policemen in NYC an average of 4.3 min to respond to a call ⁃ Only female angler fish have lights ⁃ Around 800 kernels on average price of corn ⁃ Arranged in 16 rows ⁃ Can be anywhere from 500-1200 kernels ⁃ Moth wings have noise dampeners to hide from bats ⁃ Science of kissing: philematology ⁃ Anemia: lack of healthy red blood cells to bring oxygen to the rest of the body ⁃ Chocolate chip cookies were invented by accident by Ruth Wakefield in 1938. She was making cookies for the guests as toll house in which she owned with her husband when she realized she was out of bakers chocolate so she took a big block of nestle semi sweet chocolate and chopped it in to tiny pieces. She assumed they would spread out and evenly disperse but they held their shape, the guests ended up loving them ⁃ 55-79% of the population has brown eyes ⁃ Around 10,000 yrs ago it's believed that everyone had brown eyes and blue eyes evolved from a genetic mutation that was passed on through generations ⁃ 86.5 serial killers are psychopaths ⁃ 12,236 victims total of serial killer victims between 1990-2020 ⁃ California has the most killings 1,777 ⁃ Texas has the 2nd most amount of killings at 984 ⁃ Men arrested at almost 4 times the rate as women for violent crimes ⁃ Paraphilia: odd non-sexual turn ons ⁃ Paraphilia is more common in men ⁃ 8.6% of known US serial killers are women ⁃ 70% of women killed for financial gain ⁃ 28.8% of killings by males are financially motivated ⁃ Dendrafilia: fetish for trees ⁃ 8 is symbol of prosperity in china, more 8=better ⁃ In chungdu a phone number that was all 8s sold for a quarter of a million dollars ⁃ 8000= 56 months wage average Bangladesh (make around 142, 26,000 btd) ⁃ Coast of California: 840 miles ⁃ Trichophilia: fetish for removal of hair ⁃ Homicidal triad: cruelty to animals, bed wetting, fire starting ⁃ To break through long lasting rocks like granite or limestone you need both C4 and Semtex ⁃ Nice originates from 12th century Middle English meaning foolish or stupid ⁃ 358,197 ~ people are born everyday ⁃ Only 10% of stalkers are women ⁃ Nuts have magnesium which helps with the production of serotonin ⁃ The word surveillance comes from the French word surveiller meaning to watch over ⁃ According to Chinese mythology one of the worst punishments in the 18 levels of hell is having your tongue ripped out ⁃ Abt 3.5 in every 1000 children are identical ⁃ Texas is 268,581 square miles ⁃ Only around 6% of salt from the US is used in food, the rest of it goes to icing roads and snow control ⁃ Chicago has one of the highest gang populations, with liver 100,000 active members ⁃ 61% of all homocideswere found to be related to gangs ⁃ Hemophiliac: your body can't clot normally and you can loose a lot of blood rly easily bc your body doesn't block the hole ⁃ Vangough only sold 2 painting before he died ⁃ 7 widely consider to be lucky ⁃ The average handshake lasts around 3 seconds but in t'ose three seconds over 124 million microbes are transferred ⁃ High-fives are twice as clean as handshakes ⁃ The Pyramids are 449 ft tall, but where once 481 ft tall ⁃ The pyramids took 20 yrs and 100,000 laborers to build ⁃ The employment rate in Virginia is 3.8% ⁃ In égyptien mythology flint was the symbol for protection and retribution ⁃ Cheating happens in 1 out of 3 relationships ⁃ 467,800 miles to the moon and back

Max when I say I have missed your rambles I mean it!!

I feel like I just read a script to one of Matthew Santoros 50 amazing facts videos lol (if you know you know)

Would you believe me when I say that I already knew some of this stuff? 😌

Thanks for invigorating my brain, much appreciated x

[nanaosaki3940]

You Will Realize I Wasn’t A Mistake!!

The Crimson Butterfly [My Hero Academia & Tokyo Ghoul]

Synopsis: It wasn’t until he met her for the first time that their encounter made him believe that the world is just as beautiful as her. She was brighter than the summer sun, prettier than the spring flowers, kinder than the winter moon & warmer than his blue flames. She was his first and only love, his life, his biggest fan, his supporter, his playmate, his healer, his everything... Even after his supposed ‘death’.

|| My Hero Academia ft. Tokyo Ghoul || (Follows the canon storyline of MHA & is up-to-date with the manga.) 

Pairing: Touya Todoroki X OC/Reader X Shoto Todoroki

Genre: Romance, Fluff, Angst. 

Note: Shoto and my OC are of the same age (16 yrs old) and Dabi/Touya is 8 yrs older than them (24 yrs old) - Just like how it is in the manga.

I know this is an xOC fic, but you can read it as a self-insert if you like.

Nana’s POV (2 days after the Paranormal Liberation War)

“I said the same thing to Gran Torino as well, but…” the doctor stated to my old man Aizawa. “If you had waited even a moment longer, it would have been even worse. Thanks to Rock Lock, Manual, and the others prioritizing your life you’re here.”

Right now, I was in Aizawa’s cabin with Present Mic with my old man lying down on his hospital bed. After Shigaraki shot the quirk-destroying bullet in his right leg, Aizawa had to cut off his leg on the battlefield in order to prevent the drug from destroying his quirk.

“Thank god, you’re okay…” I sighed as I put my head on Aizawa’s shoulder. “I thought you would’ve died, you old geezer…”

“The world can’t get rid of me that easily, brat…” Aizawa responded, gently patting my head.

“Even Kayama senpai… Why…” Mic trailed off.

“Please don’t say it, Mic…” I mumbled, biting my bottom lip as tears started to form in my eyes. “It’s too much for me, you know… First my parents… then one of my mentors, Sir Nighteye… now my foster mother, Midnight… I just can’t…”

Aizawa quickly pulled me into a hug, burying my face into his chest.

“Don’t say it, Yamada…” Aizawa stated. “Just tell me how the students are doing…”

Mic let out a heavy sigh.

“Well…” Mic trailed off. “Almost every student has either regained consciousness or gotten better after receiving medical attention… well except for Midoriya…”

“What?” Aizawa asked.

“Izuku is the only one who still hasn’t shown any sign of waking up.” I added.

Aizawa’s eyes widened in shock as he looked over at us with a puzzled expression.

“Don’t worry…” I sighed before getting up and walking over to the door. “Toshi-chan is with him now…”

“Where are you going, Nana-chan?” Mic asked.

“To see Shoto.” I responded before closing the door behind me.  

I then slowly made my way towards Shoto’s cabin. When I reached there, I slid the door open. I noticed that the people in the room turned to look at me.

“Nana-san.” Yaoyorozu greeted me with a small smile.

“Nana!” Kirishima grinned at me

“Hey, guys.” I greeted them back, walking up to them. “Looks like you finally woke up, Shoto.”

“Yeah…” Shoto replied meekly in a raspy voice.

“His throat is burnt, so…” Mina stated.

“I see…” I nodded my head before taking my seat beside Shoto on the bed. “How’re you doing now, Shoto?”

“How’re you doing, Nana?” Shoto asked.

I stared at him for a moment before letting out a sigh, looking away.

“What do you think, huh Shoto?” I muttered. “Touya was my friend… my fiancé… we were in love with each other… Eleven years ago, we all believed he passed away, but now all of a sudden he came back into our lives… Not as Touya, but as a murderous villain Dabi...”

Suddenly my eyes started to get all blurry. My breath hitched as I wept, tears starting to roll down my cheeks.

“Nana-san!” Yaoyorozu gasped, rushing to my side and pulling me into a hug. “Please calm down!”

“I…I-I’m not okay, Shoto!!” I sobbed out loudly, as Yaoyorozu tightened her grip around me, gently rubbing my back. “I’m not okay, you hear me?! This is not okay! Touya being Dabi is not okay! None of this is okay! I couldn’t save my lover from walking down the path of destruction! I failed to save him! When the League kidnapped me and Katsuki, I speculated that Dabi was Touya, but I wanted to believe that I was wrong! That it was all just a misunderstanding! But, no! It’s a despicable truth and now it hurts, Shoto! Dammit! I love Touya so much, it hurts!!”

Shoto remained completely silent as he stared at me in shock. He looked as if I broke his heart or something.

“Nana…” Mina mumbled sorrowfully.

“That kiss…” Shoji muttered. “It’s all over the news and internet now…”

“Those bloody reporters!” Kirishima growled in anger, clenching his fists. “Has nothing else better to do other than screwing up people’s lives!”

Suddenly the door slid open and we all looked up to see who it was, noticing that it was Fuyumi and Natsuo.

“Shoto…” Fuyumi called out.

“Pleasure to meet you!” Kirishima smiled at her.

“Todoroki’s older brother and sister!” Mina grinned. “His throat is burnt so he is still…”

I sensed someone else was standing there behind the older Todoroki siblings.

“Rei-san, you’re here as well?” I called.

Shoto’s breath hitched and his eyes went wide open.

“M-Mom…” Shoto gasped.

“Shoto.” Rei mumbled softly, stepping inside the room with Fuyumi and Natsuo.

“I think we should give them some space.” I stated, standing up from the bed.

“You’re right, Nana-san.” Yaoyorozu agreed.

I looked over to Rei and smiled at her.

“You guys take your time.” I said. “If you need anything, just call us.”

Rei flashed out a warm smile and wrapped her arms around me, pulling me into a hug.

“You’re an amazing woman, Nana.” Rei commented. “Like Junko-chan and Nemuri-san… Just stay strong dear.”

I smiled again and returned her the hug.

“I will, Rei-san…” I responded.

With that we excused ourselves before walking out the room, giving the space and time the Todoroki family needed to talk to each other.

“Nana, if you don’t mind, can I ask you something?” Mina asked.

“What is it?” I asked.

“Whatever Dabi said in that video, were they all true?” she asked.

I sighed and nodded my head.

“Touya… He always wanted to become a hero… A greater hero than Enji-san and Toshi-chan.” I stated. “Enji-san had this aim to surpass Toshi-chan, but when he realized that he couldn’t do it, he planned on making a perfect weapon to reach his goals. And when I said weapon, I mean creating a perfect child. Touya was his eldest son, so he had high hopes for him as Touya inherited a greater fire quirk than Enji-san himself. However, Touya inherited Rei-san’s genes, meaning he can resist ice, not fire. For that whenever Touya used his flames, his skin got burnt. As a responsible father, Enji-san should’ve helped his son, but instead, he tossed Touya to the side and abandoned him.”

“How cruel.” Yaoyorozu commented.

“Touya worked his ass off to get Enji-san's acknowledgment and respect, but he got nothing.” I continued. “It was clear that Touya needed love and attention, especially from his father… but Enji-san as a father failed to give him that. Eleven years ago, when Touya was thirteen, he got burnt by his own flames at the peak of Sekoto hill and we all assumed that he passed away. But apparently, we were all wrong the entire time.”

“But I don’t get one thing.” Kirishima stated. “Why did Endeavor send a quirk marriage proposal of Dabi and you to your parents years ago? I mean, he engaged himself into a quirk marriage with Rei-san in order to create a prodigy to surpass All Might, but why you and Dabi? It doesn’t make sense.”

“Yeah, I was thinking the exact same thing.” Shoji added.

“Honestly, even I don’t know.” I sighed. “I was like 4-5 at that time, so I don’t remember too much. Maybe my parents knew, but I don’t.”

“Did anyone from our class know about your and Touya-san’s past relationship?” Yaoyorozu asked.

“Only Shoto, Katsuki, Izuku, and Iida knew about it.” I replied.

Then suddenly we noticed Shoto and his family come out of his room and make their way toward us.

“Is something wrong, Todoroki?” Kirishima asked Shoto.

“We’re going to meet our father now.” Shoto replied, before looking over at me. “Nana, come with us. We need to talk to him about Touya-Nii.”

“Okay.” I nodded my head as I looked at my friends. “I’ll see you guys later.”

“Okay!” Mina grinned.

“See you, Nana-san.” Yaoyorozu smiled.

I bade my farewell to my friends before I headed off to visit Endeavor with the Todoroki family. When we reached our destination, Shoto opened up the door. I looked inside and noticed Endeavor bawling his eyes out. Seeing him crying, Shoto quickly shut the door close.

“He is crying…!” Shoto stated.  

“Shotoooo!!” Endeavor yelled out, demanding him to come inside.

Shoto again opened the door and we all walked in.

“Dad… how convenient!” Fuyumi smiled. “We all just got here!”

“Are you guys unharmed?” Endeavor sniffled.

“Why are you crying?” Natsuo frowned at his father.

“Sorry… I’m truly sorry…” Endeavor wailed. “Sorry… it's too late… the regret and guilt for my crimes… it's weighing on me now! Now my heart is…”

“Your heart is what?” Rei asked, stepping inside the room. “Regrets, guilt…. everybody is carrying those feelings much more than you…”

“Rei, why are you here?!” Endeavor gasped.

“I came to talk about our family… and about Touya…” Rei responded.

“Rei… Are you okay?” Endeavor asked, worriedly.

“Okay?” Rei repeated. “No, I’m not. That’s why I’m here… You don’t get to claim you’re hurting more than anyone and you are now not the only one who refused to look at that child, Enji…”

“Enji-san.” I called, making everyone look at me as my burning gaze met the turquoise eyes of the Todoroki patriarch. “I want to know exactly what happened to Touya eleven years ago. I deserve an answer from you. I was 4 or 5 years old back then, so my memories are all hazy. And besides, you’re the one who got me involved in Touya’s life and the Todoroki family in the first place. So, don’t you dare call me an outsider and push me to the side cause I’ve all the right to ask you anything regarding Touya. I demand an answer, Enji Todoroki. What did you do to my Touya?”

Endeavor let out a heavy sigh and looked down at his lap. 

Flashback

Years ago, a young Enji Todoroki met with Rei's family, the Himura Family, for the very first time. Rei’s family members expressed great joy and honor in being reached out to by the man who was said to be the next No. 1 hero. The person explained that the Himura Family was also considered a prestigious family, so it was only fitting that a man of his accomplishments would take a Himura woman as a wife.

Enji thought that even though Rei knew this marriage was a quirk marriage, she still agreed to it for her family's sake. As the two were getting to know each other, Enji learned that Rei had a liking for a certain blue flower. He described her as a woman much like ice herself, but she seemed so strong despite possibly melting away at the slightest touch.

Enji and Rei’s first son Touya Todoroki was born with a fire quirk that was even more powerful than Enji's Hellflame quirk. When Touya was five years old, Enji started to notice that a bit of Touya’s red hair was starting to turn white, but little Touya always laughed it off as nothing important while enthusiastically looking forward to learning his father’s ultimate move, which made Endeavor proud and happy.

Enji thought that while Touya didn't harbor his mother's ice quirk, his firepower was far stronger than his own. Despite not having the ability to overcome the downside of overheating, he still planned on raising Touya to be a hero. He still sought a child with Half-Cold Half-Hot and Rei wanted more children, believing they could encourage each other, which ultimately led to Fuyumi's birth. Sadly, she only inherited Rei's ice quirk and not his fire, but Enji was still happy either way because he felt that since Touya had more potential, he could place all his ambitions on him.

Even when his skin started to burn, Endeavor felt Touya could reach his eternal goal and that all of the darkness he bore inside his heart could have been destroyed by his son.

But then, unfortunately, it all started to change.

“I have been waiting for ages for you to have a day off so we could train together!!” a five-year-old Touya yelled stubbornly at his father. “You got a day off today, right? So you got to do quick training with me! Why are you saying you can't do it now?! Why would you change your mind all of a sudden, huh?!”

“I have told you several times already…” Enji sighed as he was getting ready to go to work. “I’m doing this for your own good…”

Touya simply glared at his father with displeasure while Enji looked away from his son as he didn’t know what to say to him.

“Quite the peculiar case…” a doctor stated to Enji and Rei, looking at the reports in his hands. “In regards to his quirk, your son has inherited your fire however his body is dominated by his mother's gene. To be precise he has developed a body that has an aptitude for the cold rather than a tolerance to fire. Well, this method of designing children… it's a taboo in this generation of quirks… So, I can’t advise it… It's better you quit now, Todororki-san…”

Enji looked down at his lap with a frown as his own words started to ring in his ears.

‘Touya, if it’s you… you can surpass All Might…’

And it only deepened his frown, still feeling that Touya could surpass All Might, whom he desperately wanted to catch up to.

~~~~~

“Fuyumi-chan…” Touya stated as he and his sister who was a year younger than him watched the news about All Might on TV. “So what if I get burned a bit, I can handle it! I am the one who understands my body best…”

“But I don’t like when you get hurt either, Touya-Nii…” a four-year-old Fuyumi responded worriedly while munching her snacks.

This made Touya throw a dirty glare at his sister before hopping down from the couch and walking away.

“What do you know anyway?!” Touya yelled. “Girls just don't understand!!”

“But I’m worried!!” Fuyumi responded.

“I already got it in my head that I got to surpass All Might!!” Touya stated in a firm tone with determination. “Dad is the one who ignited that fire under me!!”

~~~~~

“But that’s too much!” Rei cried out. “It's just cruel! Especially now that Touya knows what you are hoping to achieve through the children!”

“No matter how much I tried telling him… he shows up with new burns every day.” Enji responded as he sat in front of the TV, watching the news about All Might saving 62 towns in a single day. “He has inherited my foolishness as well… If we want him to give it up, then we have no choice… Since he will never be the one to surpass… Touya can’t surpass All Might…”

Rei simply stood there in front of her husband with absolute shock and horror after hearing those despicable words which came from him while noticing a dark furious look on his face.

This ultimately led to Natsuo's conception, which made Touya start falling into more despair because he clearly understood that he was rejected, and was considered a failure in his father’s eyes while Enji's desire and aggression to surpass All Might continued to grow even more day by day. Eventually, Shoto, Enji’s perfect masterpiece, was born three years later after Natsuo’s birth, but an eight-year-old Touya refused to accept that his youngest brother would be the one to surpass All Might, not him. So, he continued to train in a forest with his fire, telling himself that his father had to look at him because of how powerful his flames already were.

“No dad…” little Touya mumbled to himself, panting while training hard to improve his flames at the peak of Sekoto hill. “I can do it too! I can surpass All Might! See look how strong my flames are already… Look at me…!!”

But things got even worse when Touya reached home that evening.

“Stop it!” Enji scolded Touya, holding his shoulders. “Why don’t you understand?! You're getting this burnt and you still don't realize?! Touya, you need to look elsewhere! Look beyond all this! Play with your siblings! Make friends in school! There is a whole other world besides the hero stuff… I know you understand that! Eventually, you'll forget all about it and this will be a distant memory soon.”  

“B-But everyone at school says they are going to be heroes.” Touya responded, tears rolling down his cheeks while his whole body was trembling. “I can’t understand that... Because I have got you for a father…”

“We have to cool him down!” Rei cried out in worry.

“You lit this fire in me, Dad and it’s not going out!” Touya added as flames started to unleash from different parts of his body while he glared up at his father with hatred. “I just can't get it out of my head! I can’t just pretend it’s not there! Look at me, Endeavor! Look at me!!”

And with that, little Touya quickly turned around to launch an attack on his newborn baby brother, Shoto Todoroki who was being carried into his mother’s arms. A seven-year-old Fuyumi quickly pushed a three-year-old Natsuo out of the way, while Rei screamed out to Enji to stop Touya. And before any serious damage could occur, Enji quickly stepped in and held Touya back.

Later that night, when everything went back to somewhat normal, Enji went to his bedroom to talk to Rei.

“After the incident, Shoto's siblings are banned from interacting with him.” Enji ordered Rei who was sitting beside a sleeping Shoto. “I have to work, so I can’t keep looking after him, which is why I have hired someone else… Keep your eye on Touya…”

“Touya just wants you to look at him, to notice him…” Rei responded in a vacant tone, feeling completely dead inside after what happened a few hours ago. “He just wants your acknowledgment. That’s all.”

“I can’t show him anything but the world of a hero…” Enji commented with a sigh before he started to walk away.

“Hero?” Rei mocked as she looked up at her husband with a glare, her voice was filled with resentment and disappointment. “Some hero you are… running away…”

But Enji simply stood there with no words coming out of his mouth as he glared back at his wife.

~~~~~

Four years had passed since that incident. Now Touya was twelve, Fuyumi was eleven, Natsuo was seven and Shoto was four. That year, Enji’s high school friends, Daisuke Osaki and Junko Saotome sent invitations to him and some of their friends for a party which was held at the Osaki mansion. And that was the first time Enji got the opportunity to meet Daisuke and Junko’s only child and daughter, Nana Osaki. Nana was the as same age as Shoto, meaning she was eight years younger than Touya.

"Your daughter is so polite and well-mannered, Daisuke. I heard she has got your quirk." Enji stated as he looked over to the four years old Nana in front of him.

"Thanks, Enji. And yeah, she has got Ghoul quirk like me.” Daisuke chuckled, patting his daughter’s head.

"I see… Well, I also brought two of my kids with me. Let me introduce them to you all. Kids! Come here!" Endeavor called out, as Touya and Fuyumi walked in and stood by his side. "This is Touya, my eldest son. And this is Fuyumi, my second child and my only daughter.”

“Nana.” Daisuke smiled down at his daughter. “Go and play with Touya and Fuyumi, okay?”

“Okay!” Nana giggled before she skipped toward the older kids.

Enji and Daisuke went inside the house while the three kids stayed back in the garden of the Osaki household. Touya and Fuyumi also walked toward Nana with a smile.

"Hello! My name is Touya. And this is my sister, Fuyumi. What's your name?" Touya smiled at the little girl.

"My name is Nana, Nana Osaki..." Nana grinned at him. “Hey, can you show me your quirk, Touya-kun?”

“H-Huh?” Touya stuttered, taken back by her sudden question.

“I want to see what your quirk is! I heard it’s really cool!” Nana said with a smile.

He bit his bottom lip as he didn’t know what to do. But for some reason, the way Nana was looking at him made it impossible for him to say no to her. He rolled up his sleeves before igniting his palm, making Nana’s eyes widen in amazement.

“The color of your fire is bluish! It’s so pretty! I wish I had a pretty quirk like you…" she beamed, staring deeply into the captivating red-bluish flames the boy held in his hand.

That comment caught Touya completely off guard.

Pretty wasn’t the exact word to describe his quirk as this quirk of his was slowly destroying him, bit by bit.

"Uh, thanks, I guess." he said dumbly, slightly blushing.

“Is that a blush I see, Touya-Nii?” Fuyumi smirked at her older brother.

“Shut up, Fuyumi.” Touya grumbled, throwing a dirty glare at his sister.

"I bet you're gonna become a pro someday, Touya-kun." Nana beamed.

And with that, Touya became a blushing mess as if his whole body was on fire. When his own father rejected him, tossed him to the side, and considered him a failure, this four-year-old little girl who he just met told him those exact words he wanted to hear from his father for so long; that he had the potential of becoming a pro hero.

Touya Todoroki still had hope.

~~~~~

A year had passed since Nana and Touya first met. And as time went by Nana and Touya grew super close and also started spending more time with each other. Now Nana was only five while Touya was thirteen years old. And that was the time when Enji sent a quirk marriage proposal of the two kids to Daisuke and Junko.

“I can’t believe this, Enji.” Daisuke glared at the No. 2 hero. “Is this why you called me to meet you all the way to your agency?! Seriously?! A quirk marriage?!”

“Daisuke, calm down.” Enji sighed. “Please listen to me… I’m doing this for Touya.”

“For Touya?” Daisuke raised an eyebrow before realization hit him and he flashed a mocking smirk at his friend. “Oh, I get it now… Now I get it why you were so interested to know what my daughter’s quirk was when you first met her and looked really happy when I said that she got my quirk…”

“Daisuke-“

“You’re after my daughter’s Ghoul quirk, aren’t you?” Daisuke glared at Enji. “Ghoul quirk has an extremely powerful regenerative and healing ability. As Touya’s own quirk hurts him, so you want your son and Nana to have a child in the future in order to fulfill your dream.”

“Not my dream, Daisuke… It’s Touya’s dream.” Enji responded. “He always wanted to become a hero, but as his own quirk burns him, I’m just trying to figure out a way to fulfill his passion and dream.”

“By turning him into a monster and toxic human being like you?!” Daisuke yelled, shooting up from his seat.

“Daisuke, tune down your voice!” Enji yelled back. “Or else-“

“Or else what, huh?!” Daisuke mocked. “You’ve really turned into a shitty person, you know that Enji!! At first, in order to surpass Toshinori, you married Rei and had kids and then used those kids of yours as weapons! To you, only Shoto is important while Touya and the others are just a waste of space! You showed Touya the dreams of surpassing Toshinori and then stripped it away from the poor child! Now you’re trying to fill his head with those same disgusting toxic thoughts and goals of yours! Are you crazy, Enji?! And I’m not a petty person like you! Nana’s my only child and her happiness means everything to me! Besides, I’ve my own dignity and pride! Do you really think I, the Daisuke Osaki, will sell away my only loving daughter to you like how the Himuras sold off Rei to you years ago, huh?!”

“Daisuke!!” Enji roared out.

“What?! Did I hit the nerve?!” Daisuke smirked. “Good! Cause what I said just now is all true and you know it, Enji!!”

With that Todoroki male went silent and hung his head in shame. Daisuke let out a sigh, running a hand through his raven locks.

“I personally don’t have anything against you and Touya, Enji.” Daisuke stated in a calming tone. “Moreover, I like your kid. Touya is a really good boy with limitless talent and potential. I won’t mind if Touya and Nana date each other in the future. Rather I would be really happy and glad if they do. Touya’s simply just unlucky to have someone like you as a father. People have kids cause they want to, whereas you had them to fulfill your stupid dream. You know Enji, you don’t know what is meant to be a father… how to be a father. If you did, you won’t have tried to handle Touya’s situation like this. You already have four kids, but you’ve no sense of responsibility of an ideal father. I mean who treats their kids like this. I pity your children, you know. It really sucks for them to have you as a parent... Mend your ways, Enji... before it's too late...”

Daisuke turned around and started to walk away.

“I’ll accept the proposal, Enji.” Daisuke continued, making Enji look up at him with surprise. “If and only if Touya and Nana ever want this… If they ever fall in love… if they ever want to start a family of their own purely based on their love… then and only then I’ll accept your proposal… Not to fulfill you and your son’s dreams, but for the sake of Nana and Touya’s happiness…”

Daisuke stopped in front of the door and turned to look back at Enji one last time with a harsh glare.

“Next time you bring up the proposal… I expect it to be a simple marriage proposal… not a quirk marriage proposal, Enji Todoroki…” Daisuke stated in a dark tone.

And with that Daisuke Osaki walked out of the room before slamming the door shut behind him. 

But that next time never came because three months later, Daisuke Osaki and Junko Saotome were killed in a villain’s attack at I-Island where they went to attend an important conference held by scientists from all over the world that year.

~~~~~

“Hey Touya-Nii, let’s play!” a twelve-year-old Fuyumi called out with a ball in her hands.

“Yeah, let’s go, Touya-Nii!” an eight-year Natsuo called as well.

Touya looked up from his computer screen and gazed at his younger siblings.

“Oh, okay.” Touya replied.

While Touya, Natsuo, and Fuyumi played soccer in the backyard, a five-year-old Shoto simply watched his older siblings from the balcony with a sorrowful look, wishing to be able to play with them. Enji suddenly came in and pulled Shoto away from there.

“Don’t look at them, Shoto.” Enji stated. “You live in a different world from them.”

“Just once okay?” Shoto cried out. “I want to play with them just once! Please!”

“No. it's time to train your output capacity.” Enji responded coldly.

As Enji and Shoto passed by, Touya simply looked up from the yard with a glare, eyes filled with nothing but jealousy. Later that night, when Touya and Natsuo went to bed, the older Todoroki brother started to vent to his younger brother about Enji.

“I mean that one time was my fault! Little Shoto did not do anything wrong…” Touya stated. “But Dad is to blame too! He doesn't even look at us! We are failures to him. We are his failed creations. Is that what modern heroes are all about? Making all these kids they don't even need? Deciding their sons are useless and ditching them?”

A sleepy Natsuo turned to look at his older brother with a bit of annoyance.

“Why can’t you rant to Nee-chan about this stuff once in a while?” Natsuo mumbled drowsily. “Or rant to that girlfriend of yours? What’s her name again? Kana… or Hana something?”

Touya gasped, shocked to hear those words coming from his brother's mouth.

“Are you going to ignore me too, Natsu-kun?!” Touya cried, tears rolling down his cheeks, bruised by his brother’s words. “You’re telling me to buzz off too?! Even you, Natsu-kun?! Don't do this to me! I’m talking to you because only you can understand me besides Nana-chan!! You know that the girls in this household can't understand!!”

But Natsuo didn’t reply back as he fell fast asleep again.

~~~~~

“Wait, you’re trying on going to the hill again?!” Rei asked, trying to stop Touya from walking out of the house. “Why don't you play with your friends?!”

“I don’t need any friends!” Touya responded. “We are in different worlds!”

“Touya, do you even want to be a hero?” Rei asked softly. “As your mother, it looks to me like you are suffocating because of who your father is and you are suffering for it… So obsessed with the father… Touya, the world is such a large place and you can do anything. Look at everything else around you, not just your father! Find the person you really want to be in this world.”

“What the hell do you know, Mom?!” Touya glared at Rei. “Where did you get that tidbit? Some self-help book?! You think Dad is the only person that got me going?! Your family was poor so they sold you away. You had no choice and you had no say in the matter. Isn’t that why I was born in the first place?! You have a part in this too… you are guilty too, Mom!!”

Rei was taken aback by her son’s words.

“T-Touya-“

“And don’t think I don’t know what Dad wants from Nana-chan as well!” Touya added. “I know for what and why Dad used to pester Uncle Daisuke all the time. Just let you know… I’m not like Dad! I’ll never marry Nana-chan and have babies with her to fulfill my dreams like how Dad is doing! This is my dream and I’ll try to accomplish it with my own capability! I’ll never use Nana-chan and destroy her life how Dad is destroying ours! I love Nana-chan too much to do such sort of things to her!”

Touya then turned around and quickly walked out of the house. He made his way to the Sekoto hill where he began his secret training session. For the past few months, thirteen years old Touya’s small body started to noticeably grow and develop and that was when his fire changed color from red to blue.

“So that’s it!” Touya said happily, looking around at his own blue flames. “It's because of my body's composition! The fire is directly connected to my intense emotions! I’m pretty awesome if I do say so myself. If I can do this then dad will definitely be surprised too!”

Then he noticed that tears started to roll down his cheeks.

“But dang…” Touya chuckled. “When I get all excited… for some reason I end up crying…”

After his training was over, he quickly made his way to meet Nana at the neighborhood park.

“Does it hurt now?” she asked in a soft voice after she finished giving him medical attention.

“Not anymore.” Touya muttered in response. “Thank you, Nana-chan.”

“You should stop this, Touya-kun.” Nana frowned, her bottom lip quivered. “You’re simply hurting yourself.”

“No, I can’t, Nana-chan.” Touya shook his head, determination on his face. “I’ve to show my old man that I’m capable of becoming a hero.”

“But you’re pushing yourself too hard, Touya-kun!” Nana exclaimed as tears started to roll down her cheeks. “Can’t you see?! It’ll kill you one day! I don’t get it! Why is Enji-san being like this?! It’s literally abuse! So much so, that your physical appearance has started to change!”

Touya’s eye widened at Nana’s sudden outburst and he quickly wrapped his arms around her small frame, holding her close.

“I’m scared, Touya-kun.” Nana sniffled, burying her face into his chest. “I’m scared that one day I’ll lose you, like how I lost my parents.”

Touya’s turquoise eyes softened as he looked at her. He gently buried his face into her raven locks as he tightened his grip around her.

“You wouldn’t lose me, Nana-chan.” He mumbled softly.

“Touya-kun…” Nana whispered as she rested her face on his chest, listening to his heartbeat.

Nana and Touya often had their moments where they would simply just hold each other closely in their arms and kiss their foreheads or their cheeks. Most kids both of their ages believed that girls were annoying and boys were gross, but Touya and Nana never cared about those rumors. They were quite different from everyone else.

"How was the school for you, Touya-kun?" Nana asked.

She looked at him gently as her eyes softened while she felt more relaxed. Touya averted his eyes.

"It was fine I guess..." Touya replied, melancholy filling in his tone. "But coming back home wasn't any better..."

The tone of his voice was filled with melancholy and venom as he looked down at his arms and narrowed his eyes. As time went on, Touya’s life was becoming a living hell as he kept on trying to get his father’s attention, but failed miserably every single time. Sometimes he felt like he would go completely insane whenever he was in his own home around with his own family members. To him, his home was hell. But those feelings immediately disappeared once he came to visit Nana. Nana was Touya's savior, his sanity. And even if she couldn't save him from his awful life, she was the light of his life, literally.

Nana nodded her head as she looked at him, not wanting to pressure him to talk about it anymore. His eyes softened as he looked at her with a gentle smile while throwing his negative emotions out of the window.

"But, I'm here with you now!” he grinned. “And my day is a million times better!”

Nana’s beamed up in joy as she smiled brightly at him while her eyes softened even more. And this look of Nana was absolutely breathtaking in Touya’s opinion.

"I'm glad that I can make you feel better, Touya-kun!" she giggled, hugging him once again.

Later that night, Touya happily went to his father with a bright grin on his face.

“Dad, during the holiday break coming up… come to the Sekoto hill!” Touya stated.

Enji narrowed his eyes at his son before he grabbed him and pulled up his shirt to find bandages wrapped around his new burnt chest.

“Damn it, again?!” Enji growled. “You're still!!”

“No, wait!” Touya quickly spoke up, interrupting his father. “What I can do now is really cool! You have to come and see! I think Shoto has got some serious competition! I might be as awesome as Shoto sooner or later! But I’m not sure if it’s enough against All Might yet though! Maybe I will eventually become better than All Might someday if I work harder! It’s something you have to see, Dad!”

Tears rolled down Touya’s cheeks uncontrollably as he started to pull his white hair.

“Then you will give me some respect, Dad!!” he cried. “You will be glad you created me! I just know it! You will realize I wasn’t a mistake!!”

Enji didn’t respond to his son as he stomped off to his room and when he went reached there, he started to show his aggression to his wife.

“Why didn’t you stop him Rei!!” Enji roared in fury. “You were supposed to watch over him!! Dammit!! That’s all I asked you to do!!”

“Don’t bully mommy!” five-year-old Shoto cried, trying to protect his mother. “Stop it! Don't be mean to her!!”

“Get out, Shoto!” Enji yelled, pushing his youngest son away. “It's none of your business!!”

Rei looked up to her husband with tearful frightened eyes.

“I can’t stop him…” she responded back meekly in a shaky voice and upon hearing that, Enji snapped even more before he grabbed Rei by the collar of her shirt and started to yell in her face. 

"You'd better! I ain't keeping an eye on him!" he roared out again, showing more of his violent side towards her. 

~~~~~

For Touya, the night was always dark, cold, and claustrophobic where demons howled in his head while begging for him; demons who didn’t want him to get a peaceful sleep.

For that he often had nightmares. To him, a nightmare was a horse that would carry him home after he had explored the dark. They were the demons of dreams, came to educate him if he was brave enough to look into these dark recesses of the brain. So there were countless times when he would spend such sleepless nights.

And on those nights he would always find himself running away from his home and his feet always took him to only one place and that one being the Osaki household where he would sit on the rooftop with Nana and watch the moon shower its platinum-gold beam onto the Musutafu City. Unlike hell, the place he called home, Touya felt like a free bird whenever he came over to the Osaki household especially to meet and spend time with Nana.

"Can’t sleep again, huh Touya-kun?" Nana asked as she took a seat beside him on the rooftop of her household.

“Yeah…” He responded softly.

"Well that makes the two of us, I guess." She giggled.

"Dad is coming over to the Sekoto hill today." he stated. 

"You're gonna show him your new blue flames right?" Nana beamed. "I bet he's gonna be so happy and proud!" 

"I hope so." Touya chuckled in response. 

Touya smiled at her before looking back at the moon in the sky. In the monochrome musings, the moon was a deep silver ballerina, turning pirouettes with perfect form. The moon also looked like the mother of the sky who watched over every beating heart, steady and true. At that moment Touya found the moon really beautiful and maybe it was because of Nana. Whenever Nana was around him, he found everything beautiful, everything positive.

The night didn’t feel like forever anymore now that Touya was with Nana. They talked and laughed as if there was no tomorrow. Time passed on and now the sun slowly started to rise from its slumber.

“Hey, Touya-kun, let’s go to the park right now.” Nana spoke up.

“Right now?” he raised an eyebrow.

Nana smiled and nodded her head before standing up and reaching out her hand to him. Touya without any hesitation grabbed her hand and Nana activated her Gravity Manipulation quirk to alter their gravities and they both flew up in the air before heading to their destination.

As they walked together in the park while holding hands, Touya realized that he had known Nana for almost more than a year now and whenever they were together Touya felt as if he was in a different world, a world full of sunshine, rainbows, and unicorns. He felt alive and happy. But sometimes he felt that his happiness might not live long, that one day the world would crash and go against them.

"What's wrong?" Nana asked.

Touya looked down at her innocent cute face and gently smiled at her. Right now just seeing her face was enough for him. Nothing mattered to him as long as she was there beside him, alive and healthy.

“I was wondering if we can still share these exact same moments if we meet in another lifetime or dimension…” Touya responded softly.

Nana blinked at him in confusion before letting out a giggle.

“You’re so silly, Touya-kun!” Nana said as she pulled his arms. “Come on! Let’s race over there!”

As they ran while holding onto each other’s hands, Touya again felt as if his whole body was on fire. The power of Nana’s flames had to be really powerful and strong for making him feel this way every single time. Butterflies fluttered in his stomach and trickled through his veins when Nana’s soft giggles reached into his ears. Touya was hopelessly in love with Nana and this love was inevitable.

“Nana-chan.” Touya called out as the said girl looked up at him. “I’ve something to tell you.”

“What is it, Touya-kun?” she asked, tilting her head a bit.

Touya took a deep breath and looked deeply into her eyes.

“Nana-chan... I love you.” he confessed.

“Huh?” she mumbled as her eyes went wide in surprise.

After hearing his confession, Nana’s face went completely red; so red that it could put a tomato to shame.

“I’m in love with you, Nana Osaki.” Touya repeated. “You may not understand what it means to be in love with someone because you're still too young. But always remember… I love you and I always will love you, Nana-chan...”

Nana softened her gaze and smiled softly at the Todoroki boy as she slowly reached out and held his bigger hands in her smaller ones.

“I love you too, Touya-kun...”

Later that day, Touya quickly went to the peak of the Sekoto hill and waited for his father’s arrival. He waited, waited, and waited, but his father never showed up. And this hurt Touya like hell; completely broke his heart into millions of pieces.

“He didn’t show up!” Touya wailed, bawling his eyes out uncontrollably while rubbing his eyes with the sleeves of his shirt. “Quit crying already! Stupid tears… Dammit… Dad…”

Then suddenly Touya realized that his body started to heat up and his own blue flames then unleashed from different parts of his body which suddenly went out of control.

“What?!” Touya cried out, panicking in shock and horror as he didn’t know what to do. “It's hot!! They won’t stop!! My flames!!!”

Touya started to scream out in pain and agony, desperately trying to search for help, but there was no one else with him at that moment. He was completely alone. Touya even tried to control his own flames but failed because the only thing that Enji ever taught him was how to turn up the heat. This then led to Touya’s slowly engulfing the entirety of himself and the mountains in flames and when Enji did finally reach there to save his son, he found nothing but ashes everywhere only.

Flashback ended  

“And then you didn’t go…” Rei mumbled.

“It would have just fanned the flames…” Enji responded. “No, that's not it… the truth is I had no idea what to say to him… I didn’t know how to talk to him…”

“Neither did I…” Rei added.

“After everything… after killing Touya… I couldn’t let myself take a step back and all I could do was obsess over Shoto… At the expense of everything else…” Enji continued.

"Eventually, I couldn’t stand the sight of you and it got so bad that I even started seeing hints of you in the children’s faces. After my incident with Shoto, I was put in isolation at the facility. And then... When I heard how Touya met his end, my heart shattered, my mind snapped..." Rei stated. 

“I know our family was broken but I was too scared to interfere… all I could do was to try to fix things just to keep up appearances. I was all talk and nothing else.” Fuyumi spoke up.

“It was you who started all of this.” Natsuo stated. “You are the root cause but… Maybe if I had just slugged you in the face and made you have a few serious talks with Touya-Nii… Or maybe if I had just made myself face Touya-Nii instead and knocked some sense into him… maybe Dabi wouldn't have been born. He could have even treated Shoto to some cold soba…”

“The responsibility for this doesn’t just fall onto you… this issue is all of ours to bear.” Rei stated firmly. “Even if our hearts are scattered, we will get up and stand tall. You have no choice but to fight Dabi.”

“Are you really, Rei?” Enji asked in shock. “Are you really the woman I married?”

“One of our children… one who has suffered much more than us… despite having every right to resent me he has started calling me mom again.” Rei continued, looking over to Shoto. “He has been making friends at UA and now he is the one saving us. Shoto is our family’s hero…”

Shoto coughed a bit before speaking up.

“It’s all because of Nana.” Shoto muttered. “She was the one who saved me from walking down the path of darkness. She was the one who told me to reconnect with Mom again. It’s all thanks to her. And she’s the only one who can bring Touya-Nii back. Maybe we all can stop him, but if anyone can actually bring him back, then that’s Nana. Cause back on the battlefield, Touya-Nii clearly showcased through his actions that the only person he still loves and cares about is Nana.”

Shoto then turned to look at me.

“We need your help, Nana.” Shoto stated. “Only you can bring him back to our family.”

“You don’t need to say that, Shoto.” I responded with a small frown. “I would still go after Touya even if you tell me not to. Touya is important to me, as much as he’s important to you all. I love him dearly and I can’t take the chance of letting him go again… even if it means sacrificing my own life.”

I then looked at Enji-san and frowned at him.

“You messed up, old man. Big time.” I stated in a firm tone. “You know a part of me hates you and will never forgive you for what you did to Touya. You were really a shitty dude and an extremely horrible father back then. Tossing Touya away to the side and considering him as a failure or more specifically your 'failed creation' or 'failed experiment', when he clearly needed your love, care, support, attention, respect, and acknowledgment was a super shitty and terrible move as a father, Enji-san. Maybe you didn’t torture Touya physically as you did to Shoto, but you mentally and emotionally abused him. And abuse is abuse; it doesn't matter if it's physical, mental, or emotional. There isn't one that's worse than the other. Just because you didn't hit Touya physically, doesn't mean you weren't abusive. You were still an abusive father and Touya was mentally and emotionally abused by you. People have kids cause they want to have kids, cause they want to start a family of their own. Whereas, you weren't having kids, to begin with. You were creating a perfect 'weapon' to surpass Toshi-chan. And Touya was a smart child. He knew that from the very beginning. Even as a kid, he knew what was going on around him... but still after all that, he just wanted to impress you... wanted to make you feel proud... wanted your love and attention. He was even willing to destroy himself if that's what it takes to get your acknowledgment. But you simply rejected him, tossed him away like trash, and then completely ignored him. Because to you, Touya was a 'failed product', a waste of space. And not just only Touya, but also Natsuo-san and Fuyumi-san were considered 'failed creations' in your eyes. To you, Shoto was everything as he was the one to surpass Toshi-chan and for that, you gave all your time and energy to your youngest child while you simply ignored the older ones. That's not how a responsible father should act, old man. Besides, you can't just fill a kid's head with all these big dreams of becoming a great hero and then abandon him. Touya believed that this was his destiny, his birthright, his reason for living, and then you take it away from him just like that? Even if you wanted what's best for Touya, you went about it all wrong. You don't just give your kid a dream and then take it away from him and expect him to move on. You and Rei-san didn't even try to help him move on from his ambition to become a hero. You both just discarded him, expecting him to just accept his fate and move on. Touya clearly needed support, love, and understanding but got none of that. He obsessed over what was promised to him, the expectations placed on him by society, and his father's approval. I'm not saying that it justifies Touya's choices of actions in recent times, but he's still the victim here. He might be a monster, but you all turned him into that monster. And you're saying that you didn't go to the Sekoto peak even when Touya asked you so many times, cause you didn't know what to say to him. Well, let me tell you one thing, old man... You still should have gone there for your son cause that's what responsible fathers do. As a father you failed miserably to raise your kid properly, but if you really want to fix your past mistakes… if you really want to redeem yourself… then stop crying like a little pussy, you old man… Get your ass out there, save your son and bring him back…”

Shoto stared at me for a moment before looking away.

“I see... Nana’s right…” Shoto sighed, before looking back at his father, reaching out his hand to him. “Before coming here, I talked to Mom. I didn’t think you would be able to fight anymore and that I would have to do it myself… but that doesn't seem to be the case… when you're done crying, get up and we’ll all go stop Touya-Nii together and bring him back home…”

To read the entire fic, check it out on -

And if you wanna read the snippets of the fanfic, then here are some links -

[jung-koook]

I loved take two. All of them have helped me in so many ways. Believe it or not, they helped me live, take two is an emotional roller-coaster for me, i really am happy i found them 8 yrs ago, and i hope at the end of it they are as happy as they made me 💕.

wow, this is so beautiful 🥺 the impact they have had on your life is so big and precious. the way they helped you is so beautiful and precious. I get so emotional knowing they helped you so much ♡ this is so beautiful ♡ I can see how special they are to you. you're so sweet 😭 I am so happy that you found them. I'm so happy that I found them too. for having found them in my adolescence while I was still forming my personality, thoughts and among other things. I always say that I would be someone totally different without having found them in my life. i really grew up with them and learned so much from them and also from the precious armys i had the opportunity to meet. they also did something so important to me. in a way they really saved me too. i don't want to get too personal but they really were very important to me life too. and obviously always will be. of course there will be a time in the future where maybe I won't have as much time to check them and stuff, but no matter how much time passes bangtan will always be something important in my life. I'm going to be 60 years old and I'm going to be thanking them for everything they've done for me and also for all the other armys.

[kurtsascot]

fic writer 20 questions

was tagged by @spookyklaine !!! thank you for the tag

tagging @daisyishedwig @bitbybitwrites @special-bc-ur-part-of-it @wowbright and anyone else thats interested seriously!!!! tag me in your answers i want to read them all

1. how many works do you have an ao3?

four !! but ive written around 10 in my life

2. whats your ao3 word count?

87k

3. what fandoms do you write for?

just glee <3

4. top 5 fics by kudos

not applicable

5. do you respond to comments? why or why not?

i do !!! sometimes i just dont know what to say;; i am terrible at keeping secrets and sometimes i know if i reply i will spoil something

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

treading water- the fic itself is angst heavy so the ending is naturally not all sunshine and rainbows.

7. whats the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

also, treading water. hoping to create something cute and really fulfilling c: it will have the longest ending just due to length so i think that helps default it to the happiest, no?

8. do you get hate on fics?

i havent yet thankfully

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind?

mhmmhm …and i dont really have a limit on what i would write? what can i say, i like steamy romances . whatever i want i write

10. do you write crossovers? whats the craziest one youve ever written?

i dont write them or read them, really. alternate universes though? ill eat that shit up every day

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i know of

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

yes actually!!! years and years ago but i dont remember what story.

13. have you ever cowritten a fic before?

i havent. on one hand it sounds like a lot of fun, but on the other hand i know myself and i have relinquishing control over my writing. i wouldnt be opposed to it, i think, if i was close with the person i was writing with!

14. fave all time ship?

klaine ; no past ship can rival klaine brainrot <3

15. wip you want to finish but doubt you will?

succession!klaine au

16. what are your writing strengths?

its so hard to pick out your own strengths. i feel like dialogue is definitely one- i try to make everything thats said sound believable, and, ngl, it take me a while. dialogue is the first thing i write and last thing i edit.

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

i dont have a great vocabulary. emotional moments can be hard because i only know few words and i wantvto communicate so many things….im always googling synonyms

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in a fic?

i love it when other people do it, but i am not multilingual- i don’t feel like i could do it justice.

19. first fandom you wrote for?

hetalia- they are still up on fanfiction.net and at 13 yrs old, my prose was not something that should have been published on the internet. i cant take them down, though, so i go to my profile whenever i need a laugh

20. fave fic youve written?

treading water- my wip!! biggest thing ive ever written, most challenging, most fulfilling and the best ending (even tho the endings not posted yet teehee)

[sllvertongue]

hi ! i (they/them) am posting live from work......but im excited to present jeong haeran, socialite by day, nightrunner gwisin by night, and god's favoritest bastard 24/7. she's trying desperately to find a mask that's big enough to hide everything she's ashamed about, a problem that she thinks can also be ~magicked away~ if she could just get to astra.

🤍 i haven't gotten around to her proper bg yet, but here is her profile, plots, & inspo board! i'm also available on dc if anyone prefers, so just lmk.

so . her forbidden backstory (tw for mentions of murder):

born and raised in ansan and has never been anywhere else, to her dismay

just turned 27 last month, has been a part time pianist at revel for around 8 months now, starting a little after her fiance's disappearance.

on that note, she was engaged last year. no one rly saw her coming ? like, literally, she was a nobody before. it was rly the engagement that catapulted her into ansan's upper class scene, where she worked her way up and became known as jeong haeran! self taught pianist! aspiring museum curator! future loving wife (shudders)!

what they don't know, and what she intends for them to never find out, is that she's the daughter of jeong minah, a convicted murderer.

on paper, there's nothing wrong with this. if she were a more optimistic person, she would hope that people would be able to look beyond her past n just see her as she presents herself. but she's not lol.

all of it went down during the dawn of her early adulthood and so, as u would expect, fucked severely w her sense of identity. then life decided to throw it into another blender during the first and only time she goes to visit her mother, where her mother tells her, i did it for us.

most details are unknown. when it all happened, she was shielded from the details, and she has Not had any oustanding urges to revisit the whole situation, thank u. the first thing she did w her fiance's money is pay the enforcers to lock away anything that could trace her back to that past.

but the Daughter Syndrome is very very very very very hard to shake off. no matter where she goes, what name she uses, how she dresses, she is still Her Mother's Daughter. and every time her mother writes her from prison, haeran tramples over every boundary she has tried to set in a rush to read it and (despite how much she wants to despise her) hear how her mother is doing.

so anyway her identity is currently ? ? ? ? ! ! ! not doing so hot. and brother , the gender of it all

presents masc and goes by gwisin / sin (he / him) around the nightrunner circle. has a voicebox mod that lets her sound more masc and dresses as formlessly as possible. as far as everyone is concerned, it's she/they when it's "haeran" and he/him when it's "sin." its a fluid thing to her, more concerned abt the expression than identity (since paradoxically her identity is heavily defined by how she thinks ppl perceive her). it's all about trying to be so far away from how she typically appears to others, that no one would recognize her anymore

ooc / she/they is perfectly fine for her in writing, but he/him for threads where she is presenting as gwisin! it is also ok (nd highly encouraged by me!!!) for your muse to perceive/refer to gwisin using masc terms!!

more recently:

her first involvement with the nightrunners was watching races when she was a teen. after her mother was convicted and she officially became "independent," inheriting what little money their family had, the first thing she did was buy a bike and start racing her #problems away

i'd say her most active years were about 4 years ago? around 25 yrs old, she realized she was never going to get out of here if she didn't get herself out -- and where tf could she go where her name couldn't follow her?

astra seemed like the only logical solution. so she put down the nightrunner mask, sold her bike, prettied up, and went into the business of scamming ppl into believing her new bougie identity

she was good about it for a few months. she found a boyfriend, tho completely unattracted to him. grew bored, started sneaking out to watch races again. moved in w the boyfriend. grew more bored and went back to the place she sold her bike. it was long gone by then of course, but the owner took pity on her and pointed her to a mechanic who helped her build one from scratch.

then the happy couple got engaged, which loops us back to the start

her fiance went missing almost a year ago. no one knows what happened; the popular story is that he flew off to astra, but no one's heard from him since. did haeran have smth to do with it ... ? idk ...

tldr: she spends her days conning her place into upper society and then relieving the frustrations of that whole affair w her bike. she IS going to make it to astra someday though, mark her words.

my goals for her: for her to actually, finally move on from her past OR embrace it and reconcile w her mother. for her to find bouts where she feels like "herself." to less nefarious abt it all (possibly unrealistic)

potential plots:

plot page plug

someone w/ connections to astra?? someone she noted as her possible ticket up there and is now trying to get closer to?

fellow nightrunners... she's competitive but loves a good dirty trick even if it means she loses

a person she can shit talk with. rly, it goes a long way. she's been wearing such a clean, pristine mask for years now, and she misses when she used to just not care

other music enjoyers ? she technically conned her way into the "pianist" title too, she knows her way around keys and can read music but....doesn't rly know anything beyond the pieces she has to play for work.

accidental sugar babies lmao. i feel like her fiance was well off and all that money's left with her now, and she has a tendency of seeing someone and being like Damn u are one pathetic meowmeow, so to speak, and then giving them a little something to buy food/clothes with

past flings (fem/nb identifying muses)

other emos w parent issues. lets talk about it

[wholemonsternut]

i was clipping my nails & i just remembered a story that made me very sensitive abt my my own nails ever since i was a kid haha

there is some gore to it so it is spooky month themed XD

i have those long nails where the nail bed goes all the way to the tip of the finger so that means any growth (the white free edge part) results in my nails sticking out like claws idk moving on...

bc of how it is, the very end of the nail bed is very exposed & be easily cut into. earlier this year, i was opening a box & i wasn't careful enough with where i placed my fingers so one of the corners wedged itself between my right ring finger nail & i bled a significant amount & i could've sworn if i had truly panicked & yanked my hand the wrong direction, half of the nail would be ripped off the flesh (that may have been dramatic but this is my post)

>>ANYWAY, that was just exposition just in case any of you friends don't know what it's like to have something like that because that is a key detail in this story

for some reason my teacher genuinely did not believe that such nails exist (in fairness, at 8yrs old, i have also yet to know anyone else with genetically long nails like mine, so i took her word for it), telling us that it is very unsanitary, unprofessional, & akin to school delinquents to have long nails so she insisted to clip my nails for me

after not only humiliating me amongst my other 8 yr old peers, i also had to stay after the class. she pulled out an assortment of nail clippers & nail files from her purse. & immediately grabs & manhandles my little childish fingers

starting with my right hand, she starts digging the nail clipper into my nail. shocked & ready to cry already, i told her that the nail clipper was too deep & tried to point out that it's gonna bleed while also trying to pull away but she just scoffed (or whatever you'd understand a "tch" as) & held me in a sort of headlock... it felt like i was a sheep being sheered

i wasn't sure what was scarier, the feeling of the large nail clipper being wedged between my nail & flesh that it might as well just pop the whole nail off or the top layer skin being actively cut & yet to bleed to signal to the teacher the she should stop

it took until the we're at the thumb until one of my finger tips are finally stained with blood to have her immediately stop. i was so relieved that it was over & that i still have time to suck up my tears before anyone noticed.

however to her, my fingers are only bleeding because i was moving a lot & making a fuss over nothing

about to move to the left hand, she gave me an opportunity to willingly give my hand without her needing to hold me still. me, being a powerless child, i quickly understood that i do not know how exactly to get out of this situation

so i very hesitantly laid my left hand onto her free hand which she then grabbed the fingers anyway ig because i was very obviously shaking. her grip gets stronger every time i so much as flinch

for some reason, this side hurts more & thinking back i think it's because earlier she was holding my wrist/fingers so tightly that i was kind of numb to the full pain

i had my eyes closed for the most part & heard her sweeping the table (to clean up the nail clippings). i didn't want to be hopeful that it was over like i was minutes ago but i stared at her movements for a few seconds to confirm that she was putting away her things.

standing from my seat, i was ready to run hoping that i could catch that one kid selling bandages but

"where do you have to be so quickly? sit first. i'm not done yet." (best translation i can do, sorry)

she taps the previously mentioned nail file. at this time of my life, i didn't know what those were so i had no idea what she was about to do with a foam stick covered in sandpaper

i had a more verbal reaction with this one. apparently i was being a "whiny, dirty, unkempt, spoiled brat" standing up for myself for not wanting someone to rub my wounds with sandpaper but tbh i think i was a more of a personal opinion

i managed to get out of this part of the manicure session by saying that recess was almost over & i was very hungry

i couldn't find that kid that sold bandages that day btw

thank you so much for joining me in my dramatic retelling of my childhood self's torture session <3

[catthefearless]

Where do I start...?

Blog post ahead:

So this past 1.5-2 years has been an interesting roller coaster ride emotionally and physically. I had a moderate case of Covid 2 years ago that sent my health into an avalanche of issues that took a damn long time to resolve. One of them was my asthma went into overdrive and just when I thought it was better, my booster a year ago sent it backwards. Basically, I had an allergic reaction to the booster shot, something that isn’t discussed much! I’ve been reacting negatively to a lot of immunizations over the past few years and this one was no exception.

I’ve switched health care providers 4 times in the past 2 years because I would reach a point with them where they didn’t believe me about certain things and when I pushed back, they became unreasonable. The first one told me I was lucky my O2 sats were in the low 90s after struggling to recover from Covid for over 1.5 months. She refused to do anything more for me and I had had enough of her bad attitude. My rheumatologist prescribed steroids which helped me breath a bit easier but the other dr couldn’t be bothered by that!

Enough about health for now other than to say, it’s still mess but I’m managing.

The love life of a 61 yo single woman just post pandemic has been interesting. Mostly, not meeting anyone too special until I met Robert 1.5 yrs ago. We seemed compatible at first but then I didn’t read his love language well and was disappointed a whole lot. I walked away from him a year ago after almost 5 months of trying to make things work. HIs mom passed away the end of February and I had one of my “Angel” dreams so I looked it up and sure enough, I found out she had passed. I reached out to him and gave him my condolences and kept moving but a little voice in the back of my head kept saying to keep trying. I did again and in August we saw each other for the first time in 8 months. It was like no time had passed and only knew and remembered the good stuff. He is totally ADHD and that’s where the communication break down happened so I learned to just let go and trust and he keeps coming back to me. I love that my neurodivergence compliments his. Anyway, I finally got to see him yesterday after 2.5 weeks apart and it was just briefly but it firmly cemented in my mind that he really does care for me and wants me in his life. All I had to do is trust and let go and now it’s coming around to me again and it feels so freaking awesome!! More on Robert another time.  

My business is still having a rough start up again and I just recently cancelled an out of town trip for a convention because I don’t trust my roommate will properly care for my ailing doggo. She has two major health issues right now and it’s kinda all consuming to me and my attention right now.  No income and more debt due to thousands in vet bills! It’s only money and somehow I’ll get through this too.

Anyway, just a brief update and hope to be posting more fan fics soon!

@lathalea  @deepestfirefun @theincaprincess @september-stardust  @ramus-mortium  @pixiedurango  @fizzyxcustard @cd1242 @abiwim @bellevox @patanghill17 @armitageadoration @blankdblank @tomssweetbouquet  @sun-flxwer @calicoskatts @ra-of-light @amarabliss @thorins-magnificent-ass @fandomgalcentral @xxbyimm  @shikin83 @replicant1955 @rachel1959 @sherala007 @leah-halliwell92 @ceres27  @notyourmartyr @sweeticedtea @raychellefay @enter-fandom  

[suchsaccharine]

330am and have no intention of trying to sleep at this point. I just need to keep this in the for front of my mind today while I’m working.

Keep in mind that once I leave for work, redo-sing is not an option.

My hs reunion is this weekend.

Gonna want to be rested for that.

For sure.

Actually in the past month (sober) I’ve made much much much more progress in my wl mission than in months prior. Sleeping is where it’s at.

But I had a moment of weakness and I gave in, and now I’ve got to see my decision through to the end.

The end.

-

I want to cut out random drvg sessions. Like randomly ordering ket, c0ke, speed, mdm@ once every other month. Like where would I be if I didn’t…where could I be if I don’t stay right where I’m at? I have a strong argument for the opposite side, but I do consider this.

I think I’m going to try it.

Cut out everything but my dabs and herb.

Might avoid the tempting redbull substitution this time bc that felt great at first, and then it didn’t.

I lay next to my baby while they sleep and I wish I could enjoy watching them sleep peacefully for so much longer. The sun will rise soon.. another day of being flooded with internal declarations of parental shortcomings and failures. I’ve not felt so genuinely ready to not be here since I had convinced myself I had contracted an incurable sti for like a full 6 months in the first half of 11th grade. But this time it’s not cause of inevitable aloneness, or even disliking raising my child, but that I can see almost nothing but mistakes every single day and I’m starting to believe and accept that I’m kind of not the greatest and that he may be happier in the short+long term if I just..went. I know that probably sounds crazy. And I don’t feel like a bad person or a mean person… but I feel like I could be doing better. And I am trying. Like everyday I consciously attempt to be better than the day before, or at least be very self aware of what I’m projecting.. and I still just feel like I’m failing this kid. I see them laugh and smile and joke and goof off but in my mind …. It’s like I’m so worried ab what could be having a last or traumatizing effect on them, that I truly cannot steer my thoughts in another direction. All day. And all night.

I remember feeling this genre of anxiety for the first time - the first night we were home from the hospital. I don’t think I slept at all. Between feedings I was just in shock. And that was over 8 yrs ago.

See, I wasn’t supposed to have them when I did. It was just a check up and their dad just left me 2 weeks prior and I was only 19 and it was over a month before the actual due date. When they put that baby in my chest, I never felt more lost and confused and helpless in my entire life. I felt bad that I wasn’t having that magical moment that you hear about. But I suspected, during my pregnancy, that I might not. Looking back I can see that I had detached myself from my surroundings and my self because my life had become very actively traumatic. It took me years to figure out that’s why I have and haven’t done a lot of the things I did…and didn’t. Maybe within the last 3 yrs I’ve really been trying to come to terms with everything in the past so I can be better from my child today, and tomorrow. But anyway…

Idk why I typed all that out as if I haven’t written about this in other journals. I guess it’s not the backstory I’m fixated on rn, it’s the current climate. I just can’t tell if they’re happy or not. They told me last night about a disturbing nightmare they’ve been having for about 3 months, which is almost how long my partner for 4yrs (-1.5) have been back together. My partner cares for tha kid a lot and is a good role model. But I feel he is sometimes too quick to be too stern. It’s disheartening. But, He will ensure my child has every opportunity for a successful future. And I’m deathly afraid I can’t provide that all by myself. What’s the lesser of two evils? And while my partner is stern, my child usually has an overall positive shift in behavior with them around. But sometimes I can just see where they are miscommunicating and honestly I am often a bit more ‘on the side’ of my kid because as I observe them together, I can basically see what my kid meant by what they said, why they phrased it how they did, why they are frustrated that you don’t seem to be on the same page. I see it play out across his expressive features clear as day.

I’m only one tiny person. I wish I had all the answers. I don’t. I just really really hope the decisions I make about him do not make him worse off than he would be otherwise. God I feel like shit for bringing him into my mess of a life.

[lovemelikeyoulovedthesun]

there was a boy; i met him on july 2015, exactly 8 yrs ago. i was just 14 and he was 2 yrs older than me. we met on twitter but his very first dm was him asking me if i had a tumblr account , which is why i am ranting about it here today. i know there isn’t anybody here to read this , even if it’s like talking to myself when i already know the story , i just wanted to do it. anyway— we talked for 4 months , we were flirting of course- almost dating [ thats what i thought ] but i was too young to know about all that flirting stuff. we were just talking and i just had feelings for him. all i wanted was to hang out with him at that time. i would always daydream about us hanging out , doing fun stuff. but of course , since i was too young to change cities to meet up with a boy , it never happened. after the last day of 2015 , we never spoke. except for just couple of words after a month- it was me celebrating his bday and him thanking me , that was it. we stopped talking and unfollowed each other on social media in time. every year i “stalked” him on social media here and there , to have a little idea about how he was doing. after a year while looking through his twitter account i saw that he started going to the uni he once told me he wanted. i was happy for him, i wanted to reach out and say how proud and happy i was for him, but didn’t have the guts , and just closed his profile.

after some time , one day when i was stalking him again , i saw that he changed the name of the uni on his bio to the one in my city. meaning he changed schools and now he was in my city??? just like that?? later on i saw his photos taken in my city on his insta. he was really here. i was totally shocked , excited and confused all at the same time. because we used to be in different cities back in the day , and i knew that he never visited my city before. [ mind you , the city he used to live in is closer to mine than the one that he went to uni for ]. . when i saw his bio i couldn’t believe my eyes because that meant i could possibly see him any day? unfortunately , that didn’t ever happen for years. even if i was always in the crowded parts of the city i had never seen him; until one very random day after 4 whole years. . it had been 4 years since we stopped talking. and since i naturally stopped wondering if i’d see him or not, i wasn’t ready to see him. at all. . one day on november 2019 , i was casually studying with my friend at a cafe when i saw him; right across me , sitting down with his friend. i was shocked. at first i wasn’t quite sure out of shock but it was really him. the boy i was dying to see 4 years ago , was sitting right in front of me. . but of course , nothing happened. the whole time we were sitting down , it was just me talking about him with my friend , my friend turning back and looking at them; him talking to his friend about me , and his friend turning around to look at us. we both could hear each other talking about each other even , we both were sure , but nothing happened. he didn’t come and talk to me. i didn’t go and talk to him either. nothing.

on my bday , an empty / fake/ burner account, whatever you call— dmed me on instagram saying “22 days went by so fast :,) , happy bday” i couldn’t accept and answer it during the class , and they deleted it when i checked it again. i was shocked , and never ever thought it could be him , until i counted days after i saw him. 22. it was 22.

after weeks , even though all of my classes are at evenings , i had to attend to one morning class and -this one was more shocking to me- i was just standing in front of the building , smoking and waiting for the class to start with my friends. i just looked up and saw him right in front of me.. this was more shocking to me than the first time i saw him at the cafe. because , in that huge campus , out of all the buildings.. we were literally studying in the same building. . ? it was maybe the 4th or 5th month of the first term, we had been studying in the same. building. just in different hours— and so again, nothing happened. it was just for a minute, we looked at each other in the eye and he just walked pass me to go to his class. after this one, i never saw him, neither in real life nor social media. since then, even now- i don’t have any idea about what he’s doing nor where he is. i don’t know if he stayed in my city after finishing uni, or if he went back to his fam, or leave the country, or something totally different. i don’t know.

it’s been 4 yrs since i saw him irl. and 8 yrs since we met & stopped talking. i don’t have any of his social media because i stopped stalking couple of yrs ago, and he’d always change accounts so there’s no trace of him. until last year i still had his tumblr blog left from 2014-2017, i used to visit his blog, look at the posts that reminded me of those times and him. listen to his playlist attached to his blog that had the same impact on me. now i can’t find it either. i am left with his name and the memories only.

i don’t know what this is. i don’t think it’s love. .? i don’t have romantic feelings for him, duh. i can’t feel romantic feelings for someone i haven’t talked in 8 whole years. i of course had many people in my life after him. i was never like “i have to find him. i am madly in love with him, i can’t be with anyone else. he is the love of my life.” no— i don’t know, but maybe it is that he is my comfort person? i am a very — and i mean, very — nostalgic person myself. i always find myself reminiscing old times that bring me comfort. 2014 tumblr is one of them which is why i redownloaded it after years and followed bunch of accounts who also miss and post just like 2014-15 tumblr. i come here whenever i need to feel comfort and peace through those posts. so, since he was involved in those times that bring me comfort, since i have memories with him from 2014, maybe me still remembering him with a smile on my face and softness in my heart, still wanting to talk to him about the past one day, is because of this?. . today i came here again to feel that comfort and saw this post. immediately after i read this, it made me think of the fact that it’s really been almost ten years. . and made me wonder if he remembers me really. . it is like my inner voice wrote this thing on the picture. does he remember me? maybe he is not that emotional and nostalgic person as me, maybe seeing the tv programs we used to talk about while watching them, listening to arctic monkeys’ 2014 songs, seeing 2014 tumblr posts doesn’t remind him of me— maybe he doesn’t even look at those posts, but still, i wonder if he ever goes “oh.. there was this girl back in the day” and remember the days we spent together [ through social media ].

i really want to be able to sit down and talk to him about the past one day. this hasn’t changed in years. i wrote so many pages like this past 8 years, many that i couldn’t count— and they all ended with the same sentence; “i hope i can sit down and talk to you about the past one day” and i really do. we both grew up now and involved into whole new, much more different personalities than we were back in the time. maybe we can be good friends? you can never know what future holds. maybe we’ll never see each other, maybe we will— but won’t have the chance to talk to each other like the previous occasions. maybe we will see each other and actually speak this time, maybe we’ll see that we are soulmates. maybe we are gonna have romance between us. or we are gonna laugh it all off and simply become good friends? i don’t know. i just hope that we don’t lose the chance to speak to each other the next time our eyes meet.

i hope you’re doing good, F. i hope you’re in a good place in your life. . thank you for coming into mine one random day in 2015 and giving me all these memories. i really hope to see you again. it has almost been 10 years— and i still remember you.

24th of august, 2023. E.

[lesbianlenas]

I know you’re a taylor updates account but can you please react to the new billie eilish album🙏🏻 she’s my favorite

i am going to do this as i will do almost anything for my tumblr followers of course but let me preface this by saying i have not listened to like any billie eilish ever i have only heard bad guy once like several yrs ago and then her song from the barbie movie once when my brother made me watch the oscar’s so idk what to expect really other than that i know there is a song abt eating pussy lol. i will put my thoughts under the cut tho

skinny: this song has p much the same issue as i had w the tswift songs w the slow music & breathy singing i’m just really not into that at all. i like the lyrics tho and she does sound pretty but it’s just really not for me. 3/10

lunch: i def like this song better but there is smth missing for me musically or vocally idk there is smth more that i want from this. i’m biased tho bc it’s abt eating pussy ngl 6/10

chihiro: my first thought putting this on is like girl open ur mouth speak up 😭 again she sounds very pretty vocally on the high notes in this song but it is just so boring to me it’s just giving nothing…if i wasn’t actively listening this would sound like instrumental music to me like u could just zone out her singing into just being humming or smth. i know they must have done the mixing on this song this way on purpose but it’s almost leaning into shoegaze here vocally wise 😭 second half picks up a little bit in the music but not in the vocals sorry this just REALLY doesn’t do it for me lol 2/10

birds of a feather: ok i like this one the most so far i really like the vocals on this one i feel like she is finally singing instead of whispering 😭 overall just enjoyed this one lyrically musically vocally just overall enjoyable even if i wish she didn’t still do the whisper thing for a lot of it lol 8/10

wildflower: this is really not doing anything for me it’s too slow. i think the music is really nice tho and her voice in the chorus is nice too. i enjoy that u can really hear the instruments in a way that a lot of other pop music tends to obscure the instruments and focus way more on the vocals ykwim. i actually like the second half of the song more when the music kicked up and there was more harmonizing. overall fine to me. 4/10

the greatest: this is practically a lullaby omg 😭 i cannot believe how slow this is and whispery. ok the chorus picked up so i appreciate that. the problem here is that the verses are so utterly boring to me but the chorus and the bridge are really good esp the bridge. i was going to rate this so low but the bridge really blew me away tbh 😩 frustrating bc i would give that bridge 10/10 like soooo good. but the verses really bring it down for me. 7/10

l’amour de ma vie: already enjoy the vibe of this one and how it is different from the others. i really like the music on this one and the vocals at certain parts esp the chorus it’s more interesting than some of the others. the second part of the song is like. i enjoy that it’s different but i’m not really into electronic music. but i like that this song was really different from the others 6/10

the diner: really like the music on this one too. vocally ok idk. this really just didn’t leave a huge impression on me. if i listened to it a few times it might grow on me but yeah. 5/10

bittersuite: i am just like girl open your mouth PLSSSSS. ok wait it seems to be changing up a little 😭 no it got worse on the wanting her to open her mouth front actually 😭 i know the mixing is like this for artistic reasons as i said but i just simply don’t like it. this just does nothing for me again. 3/10

blue: i really like this one lyrically but again i just find it boring sound wise even tho i think it makes sense in this song. if this was the only song that sounded this way in the album i think i would appreciate it more bc i really think the sound fits the song a lot. i also liked how this song called back to like all of the previous songs in the album i think that’s a great way to tie it all together. still was not a huge fan tho 4/10

overall: ok so objectively if i was going to rate this album like barring my own personal tastes i’d prob give it a 9/10 it’s beautifully done musically and the lyrics are great and when she really uses her vocals it’s so good. for my own opinion i’d honestly give it a 4/10 just bc this is the type of music that is really not my taste at all 😭 slow indie music does not do it for me and this album really is just slow indie. there is a lot of artistry to it that other indie music lacks i think tho and i can appreciate that too and i do feel like she puts emotion into it which i like. but it’s pretty like when i go to a museum and look at a piece of art for 2 mins and then i walk away not where i go back and look at it 300 times like saw it once and was like wow that’s pretty and that’s all u know. but my dislike of this album is def just a personal taste thing i can tell that it is objectively very good. i also appreciate that she was able to make similar sounding songs that were also all still unique in that you would be able to tell which is which yk. but that’s p much all i have to say on it 😩 hope it’s not disappointing for u that it’s not really my thing i’m sorry 😔