#the list of dudes that get into beef that ends in one/both of them being like ‘that’s racing!!!!’ must b so high

[gr8ntaire]

My fave senna story relating to him actually being hilarious & strange and not some untouchable God figure is the time Eddie Irvine was trying to unlap himself SO AYRTON PUNCHED HIM ???????? it’s such a ridiculous overreaction u have to laugh like

[libraryofgage]

Please write for 42. Maybe it could be something dealing with Steve overhearing something he shouldn't have,maybe something the kids say, or Eddie says to someone. Whatever it is it makes him feel like shit. He talks to Eddie, or Robin (or both!) about how much he's changed over the past few years and how he didn't end up being the person everyone thought he'd be, but after what hes overheard he's crying because even though he did all he could he feels lonelier than ever.

Anon, I love you

Prompt 42 for this prompt list!

“Who’s laughing now?”

“…Clearly not you. You’re crying, dear God.” 

I didn't use these quotes exactly, but I came close. It still fits them, though lmao

---

"I should be right back," Steve says, throwing open the van door before hopping out. The moment it closes, Eddie blasts the heavy metal he usually can't because of Steve's sensitive ears. Steve snorts with amusement and heads towards the diner, the smell of fried food and grilling beef overwhelming him the moment he opens the door.

Steve heads up to the counter, flashing a charming smile at Paula, a woman who's been working at the diner longer than Steve has been alive. "We got your usual almost ready, sugar," she tells him, returning the smile as she grabs a receipt from the turning rack and leads him over to the register.

It's a Friday night, which means the diner is bursting with teenagers hanging out in groups or trying to have a romantic date. Steve doesn't usually see anyone he feels like greeting when he picks up food, but a quick sweep this time reveals a table where Jonathan, Argyle, Nancy, Mike, and Will are sitting. Their table is close to the bar, but none of them seem to have noticed Steve because of their conversation, which is just fine with him.

If he gets dragged into a conversation, he might take too long and make Eddie worry. And if Eddie worries, he'll come bursting into the diner, and there are too many people in here that still blame him for...well, everything, for that to be safe.

"Your total is gonna be $12.93," Paula says, watching as Steve distractedly pulls a twenty from his wallet.

"Keep the change. I'll be waiting over there," he says, nodding to a bar stool somewhat close to where his friends are sitting. He then slides into said stool, leaning on the counter and trying to ignore how sticky it is.

He's close enough now to hear the tail-end of Argyle saying, "--eems like such a nice dude, though."

Mike snorts at him. "You didn't know Steve when he was dating Nancy," he points out.

Oh. They're...talking about him. Steve gets the feeling he should walk away, but he also feels stuck in the stool.

"He wasn't that bad," Nancy says. Silence follows her words, and Steve can imagine the looks she's getting. "Okay, yeah, he was an asshole."

"He smashed my camera," Jonathan says, and Steve wonders if he's imagining a trace of bitterness in his voice.

Here's the thing: Steve apologized for smashing the camera (though, he feels it was still justified) and got Jonathan a new one. A fancy, new one. But it doesn't sound like Jonathan is going to include that detail, too.

"He's a lot better now, though," Will says, and Steve wants to get him a new set of dice for trying to stick up for him.

He then wants to cry and maybe break something when he hears Jonathan and Mike snort and bark out a short laugh.

Steve feels himself grow tense as Nancy and Jonathan regale Argyle with how shitty he was in high school. He keeps waiting for one of the kids to refute or bring up how he's changed, but Mike only adds to it all while Will stays quiet, probably unwilling to get himself laughed at again (not that Steve blames him, honestly).

None of them actually point out how Steve's changed. They laugh at how much of a douchebag he was in high school, and Jonathan tells Argyle to "watch out for King Steve coming through" now that nothing is trying to kill them again.

And Steve feels sick to his stomach. Has...has he not actually changed? Is he really the same King Steve he was in high school? Is he still that asshole who didn't give a shit about others because he was just trying to survive himself, no matter who it hurt? Is this how everyone sees him?

"All right, sugar. Here's your cheeseburgers," Paula says, placing a bag in front of him and jerking him out of his thoughts. "One without tomato but with extra ketchup, and the other with grilled onions."

Steve blinks and smiles at Paula again. "Thanks. Same time next week?"

He waits to see Paula's amused smile and playfully dismissive wave before grabbing the bag and practically running out of the restaurant. He doesn't know if it's good or bad that nobody at the table seems to have noticed his presence or departure.

Steve jerks the door to the van open, not waiting for Eddie to turn the music down before hopping in and slamming it shut. He silently pulls on his seatbelt, holds the food in his lap, and stares at the glove compartment.

"Uh, you okay, Stevie?" Eddie asks, his hand lingering on the volume dial.

"I don't wanna talk about it here," Steve says. Because he's going to talk about it with Eddie, the only other person he trusts to be honest with him is Robin. But this is date night for him and Eddie, and even when he's drowning in self-doubt, Steve doesn't want anyone else to interrupt their date night.

Thankfully, Eddie just nods. "Okay, sweetheart," he says, pulling out of the parking lot and onto the road.

Steve doesn't say a word the whole drive, too consumed by forcing himself to focus on Eddie's hand on his thigh. There's a warmth that he feels through the fabric, grounding him and keeping his brain from spiraling too far.

When they finally park (a secluded area close enough to the local make-out spot to still see the romantic stars in the sky without getting caught by anyone else) Eddie turns to Steve and softly asks, "Wanna move to the back, sweetheart?"

Steve grips the bag in his lap tighter, takes a deep breath, and looks at Eddie. He feels a little bad for ignoring the question, but he can't help his worries and fears bubbling out now that they've stopped driving. "I've changed, right? Since high school?"

Eddie blinks, caught off guard by the sudden question. But then he nods. "Yeah, Stevie, you've definitely changed."

"Jonathan and Nancy were in the diner with Argyle, Mike, and Will," Steve says, trying and failing to seem more nonchalant by unbuckling himself and moving to the couch that barely fits in the back of the van. Eddie follows, sitting closer than necessary to eat the burger Steve hands to him. "They were...talking about me. High school me. King Steve. And Jonathan told Argyle to be wary of me. Do they really think I'm the same person?"

"Stevie-"

Steve doesn't let Eddie get far. He's too wrapped up in what happened, too consumed by self-doubt and guilt and the wish that he'd said something to them. His chest feels tight, he feels like the world is going to cave in on him, and the only thing keeping him steady is the way Eddie puts down his burger and pulls Steve into his lap. "And the worst part is that they were laughing. Will tried saying that I was better now, and they fucking laughed. Like it was ridiculous. Like I could never change.

"And I just....I wish I'd said something. I could have ruined their night so fucking easily, Eds. I could have turned around and asked if they always talked shit behind the backs of people who saved them. I could have asked if Jonathan didn't like the replacement camera I got him, or if he still used it to sneak photos of Nancy."

"Is that why you broke his camera? Fuck, I don't blame you."

Steve manages a slight smile for Eddie. "Thanks. I...I don't know. For all I've changed, it would have been so easy to just turn around and be who they thought I still was. And then I would've torn them down to the size of ants. And...and...I wish I had but I don't but I do, so I could've ended it with who's laughing now?"

Steve's chest feels a little looser, and that's a fucking relief, but then he feels Eddie's hand cradling his cheek. "Well, it's definitely not you, sweetheart. Your crying."

Oh. Eddie is right. He is crying. Steve hastily wipes at the tears before just giving up and leaning into Eddie's touch. "Sorry," he mumbles.

"Don't apologize. I almost wish you had done it. And that I'd been there to see it."

"No, you don’t."

Eddie grins, pulling Steve closer so they're chest-to-chest, heart-to-heart. "Yeah, I do. I love when you get bitchy, sweetheart. Especially when it means we can be bitchy together."

Steve blinks, and he can't help laughing. The words were simple, but they still managed to erase all the doubt and some of the hurt. He still probably needs a few days before he can actually look at Jonathan or Nancy or Mike again, but he doesn't feel so immediately devastated.

"Somehow, that was the perfect thing to say," he tells Eddie, closing the distance between them to kiss his lips, getting a hint of ketchup on his tongue.

"Perfect enough to earn me some fun?" Eddie asks, wiggling his eyebrows playfully.

Steve sighs dramatically, pretends to think about it as he actually laments that their burgers will get cold, and then pushes Eddie down on the couch.

[thesnazzysharky]

Ranking the specimens based on how tragic they are (1/2)

Been excitingly waiting to do this one. As you can see from the title, we will be ranking the specimens based on how tragic they are. There will be a total of 25 specimens included in this list. Part 1 will be featuring the first 13 and part 2 will feature the other 12. The unknown specimens are excluded since the game doesn't really offer us anything substantial when it comes to their backstories (aside from White Face since he came from a different game, but I haven't played said game yet). Specimen 1 is also excluded because... well... take a grand guess.

How did I go about this ranking exactly? Well, for each specimen I created bullet points for both how they could garner sympathy or lose sympathy from the player. Then I created a tier list and started arranging them from the least sympathetic to the most sympathetic. Taking account of the notes I wrote, what makes this specimen tragic from my own eyes and morals, the hints and implications at something deeper, how detailed some of their backstories go, ect. So that's how I'm going about this. Of course, this is all my own opinion and I'm sure some will disagree with some of my takes or change some placements, which is fine. This list is entirely subjective and if you disagree with something, I would like to hear why. Now let's dive in.

25. Ghost Cow

To nobody's surprise I'm sure, Ghost Cow is at the very bottom of the list for one simple reason: He's pure and utter evil at its core. Ghost Cow is one of the most interesting creatures in the game because unlike a lot of the others we get to directly see the aftermath of what he did. The hospital is not only in a clearly fucked up state when we arrive there, but what we see and what we read are pretty gruesome and gory.

He possessed a bunch of doctors and nurses, forced them to kill their patients, later making them forget how they killed their patients so they can live with the guilt of having done something they didn't do, drove one patient to suicide, most likely killed and experimented on literal infants; and overall has caused a lot of death, pain, suffering, and psychological torture and trauma within the hospital. Even after the hospital is completely brought to ruin, he still finds a way to cause agony within the building. It's implied that most, if not, all of the monsters that we see in the DLC aren't actually in control of their own actions. The cow just used to them to try to attack the player. Like possessing the Body Bag in the morgue or possessing the Hanged Man. The latter clearly being in distress about the whole thing and just wanting his suffering to end. There's also the creation born from his experimentation on an infant rotting down in a basement while presumably being in pain from its state, the guard being a mindless husk and slave to a living virus that I assume is a creation from the cow, and whatever is going on in this room

All of this out of pure and utter sadism it seems with no real end goal. All of this while he wears a twisted smile on his face, clearly enjoying what he's doing. The game makes it clear that there's no sympathy to gain from him.

Yeah... this thing just fucking sucks.

24. Beef Demon

The Beef Demon is similar to Ghost Cow in that the dude is just evil. For starters, he manipulated a business owner looking to save their own restaurant and used said restaurant to his advantage to control others.

He made mind manipulating burgers that basically broke the mind of whoever ate it. Either causing them to order excessive amounts of food or becoming overly violent and aggressive. These burgers are also implied to cause strange nightmares, which is definitely not fun to deal with.

That's already bad enough, but then there's also the fact that he's a very violent entity as stated by CAT-DOS. Kidnapping, possibly torturing, and killing his victims in his own dimension; throwing their remains out a few days later once he gets bored. But the nightmare doesn't even end there for his victims, as he just straight up takes and keeps their souls. Presumably taking these souls down to the pits of Hell or making them succumb to a fate just as bad. He also may or may not have targeted children judging by some hints in the play area. He's clearly made out to be sadistic and enjoys what he's doing. As seen in his death sequence where he lets the protagonist approach HIM instead of the other way around with wide open arms and his taunting reversed lines.

Yeah get this mf out of here.

23. The Clown

The clown is strange in that he doesn't do any harm to the player. He's completely harmless, but doesn't mean he isn't bad. He was a spirit that was summoned from... somewhere... in order to make the dolls of the dollhouse happy. Only for that to backfire due to the dolls being scared shitless by whatever this thing is.

Nobody knows what his deal is, but what we do know is that the clown does seem to have some sort of sadism. He seems aware of how much he scares others and takes pleasure in doing so. Sporting a wide grin on his face, getting closer to the player whenever they turn their back, and occasionally laughing to himself.

No sympathy to gain here either.

22. Bekka

Finally. We're starting to come across some specimens that are a bit less asshole-y. Aside from obviously being inspired by Rebecca Black, not much is known about Bekka herself. We don't how she was created, what her motives are, or if she's worthy of sympathy or not.

The best we can get out of her is her behavior and appearance. Bekka first makes her debut in Karamari Hospital where she decided to steal a page out of Taker's book by catching the player off guard through tricking them into walking down a seemingly endless hallway. She appears again in Endless Mode where she has a very unique mechanic. Instead of chasing behind you like a lot of the other specimens, Bekka instead appears directly in front of you. Popping behind the door that you were planning on going through. Once again, her main way of attacking is catching the player off guard. Leading to some very frustrating chases or loses as many players have expressed.

With her behavior and the constant smile on her face, you could say that Bekka is mischievous or a bit of a trickster in terms of personality. Seemingly having some fun in tricking others and judging by the blood on her hands and dress, she has killed at least one other person. If there's at least one tragic element to her, it's that she was most likely human before she turned into what she is now. Most likely a nurse who worked at the hospital. This isn't confirmed of course, but the main motif with the monsters in Karamari Hospital is that they all are very clearly supposed to resemble humans unlike the specimens prior which were more varied in creatures and designs. Ghost Cow is the exception to this because he's intentionally supposed to stand out and be the outlier. Following this logic, I don't see why Bekka wouldn't have previously been human like all the others. We don't know how she became what she is, but considering all the batshit insane stuff Ghost Cow did, her demise probably wasn't pleasant. And as mentioned earlier, there's a chance that she's simply possessed like the other monsters and isn't in control of her actions.

A lot of things about Bekka are ambiguous or left in the air. And what little we can get out of her imply that she isn't the most well meaning entity. So she gets placed here.

21. Frenzy

Frenzy's death screen implies that she has some sadism within her. Being one of the only specimens in the game to express her sheer excitement of being able to kill and make the player suffer through the use of exclamation marks.

"Frenzied torment, distorted Mind! Blood to spill, bones to grind! The flesh it takes for time to wind Eye for eye makes all turn blind"

At the same time though, she only attacks the player if they don't take care of the doll they're holding. Implying that she has a close relationship to the dolls and cares about their well being.

She also has a very human appearance. A human being that seems to have been burnt from head to toe somehow by the looks of it. So there's some implications there.

Similar to Bekka, not much is known about Frenzy, but what we do have implies she isn't all bad and that there may be some sort of sad story with her origins.

20. Bab

Okay. So here's where things start getting interesting. Bab does have a detailed backstory... to a certain extent.

The problem is trying to figure out WHO Bab is supposed to be. The notes in her locale tell a clear story. Some dumb dumbs in a cult are worshipping some mysterious entity, they fuck up a ritual by sacrificing a girl who wasn't a virgin, said entity becomes pissed at them and their fates are left unknown.

Most assume that Bab is supposed to be the "Mother" entity that is described in the notes. However, one can also easily think that Bab is supposed to be impure girl who was sacrificed. The creature that we currently see being the aftermath of what happened to her after the sacrifice. Or maybe Bab is just supposed to be one of the many entities that Mother sent down to kill the cult members?

It's intentionally ambiguous and her ranking can easily change depending on what you personally believe in. She could be ranked higher if you believe that she was the impure girl. A girl who most likely did nothing wrong and later became a monster. She could be ranked lower if you believe that she was Mother. The notes paint Mother to be a demonic entity of sorts, which obviously isn't good.

There's no concrete answer. So Bab will be placed here.

19. The Mansion Within a Mansion

Should this mansion even count as a living entity? Well... yes actually!

As CAT-DOS states, the "mansion" was born after a massacre or tragedy took place within it. Turning the once regular and ordinary mansion into a paranormal entity. What was this tragedy? We're not sure. Perhaps it has something to do with the skeletons that we can find in this room.

Or maybe it has something to do with this guy hanging by a noose.

Or maybe it's both or a multitude of things. We know that tragedy can be a powerful force within the SJSM universe. For example, ghosts can be born from someone succumbing to a tragic enough fate. So whatever tragic thing happened, it was enough to turn a whole entire building into a paranormal entity. So it must have been REALLY fucked up and gruesome for the victims who were here previously. Not to mention that it's implied in one of the notes in Specimen 12 that the souls of these people are still in the mansion. As the Vlogger/Old Man states that he can hear "movement and voices" below him. So they aren't even able to be at peace.

So what about the mansion itself? It does have some irredeemable qualities to it. Such as purposefully driving its victims insane through psychological torment, leading to their possession and violent behavior, only for it to choose another host when it comes across one and thus killing the last host in the process. Creating a vicious cycle.

Easy to say that the mansion is evil and sadistic, but it's hard to say really considering that it was created from a tragedy. Is it doing this because it's actually evil or is it more so instinct?

Well, if we want to go down the route of the voicelines that hear from the Old Man actually being from the thoughts of the mansion instead of the Old Man himself, then it is implied it possess some form of sapience. One line in particular paints an interesting picture.

"I'm so lonely..."

Looking at this simple line in the context of it being spoken from the mansion, it implies some things.

The mansion is an entity born from tragedy. It never asked to be alive and it most likely lives a sad and miserable existence. It's always looking for a host to attach itself to. For what end goal exactly? Well, maybe it simply has to do with loneliness. The mansion feels lonely and bored and so it tries to have some fun by possessing whoever steps within it. Having a host to latch itself to, only to later use said host in a game of cat and mouse for the other poor soul that wanders into the mansion, said soul then kills the host out of paranoia, becomes the current host, and the cycle repeats. The mansion is a trickster and manipulator. It gives its victims the illusion that they have any chance to escape. Giving them hiding spots. Making the host seem dumb by not making much of an effort to look for the victims. When it reality? That person was already dead the moment that they stepped through the door of the mansion. It draws out these games of cat and mouse because it sadistically takes pleasure from doing so. It's bored. It's lonely. It's miserable. It was born from tragedy after all.

Doesn't excuse its actions obviously, but it lives a pretty sad existence. Both it and the many victims of the tragedy that created it.

So when the Protagonist comes along and is about to become one of the few or perhaps the only one able to escape Specimen 12? The mist in the mansion becomes green.

The color green symbolizing peace, growth, renewal, healing, and some other positive things that could work for this scene. Mostly likely representing the souls inside of the mansion having hope. Hope that the Protagonist will be able to make out it out alive. That maybe, just maybe, the cycle will be put to an end.

Of course, this is all going heavily into theory and speculation territory. Perhaps too much so. Hence why Specimen 12 is only here and not more higher. A lot of stuff about it is up to interpretation and not outright confirmed. It's all still very interesting to think about nonetheless.

18. The Siren

The siren seems like a typical monster at first. The notes in her locale first describe how she kills whales from the inside out to feast on them. Sad and gruesome for the whales, but nothing outright horrible. Maybe she's just doing what she has to do to survive.

Later notes then describe how she killed the staff of the whale researching facility. Purposefully flooding the facility and luring people to their deaths via her singing voice. Manipulating others into going into the sweeping waves.

None of this is great, but CAT-DOS does tell us something interesting about her that garners sympathy. It states that she is a lost soul who tragically died during the "Deluge" as it puts it. A deluge being a severe and overwhelming flood and often they're associated with mythical floods. Which deluge is being referred to specifically, whether it be Noah's Flood or some other mythical flood, is left vague. What matters most though is that she was once a regular human being who tragically died during one of these floods.

If there's one thing to know about floods is that they can be utterly horrifying. Even if you never personally experienced one, just simply looking up images or footage of them will tell you just how scary these natural disasters can be. Massive waves of water suddenly rushing towards you, causing severe damage and destruction in its path, and causing many deaths in the process. Considering that the Siren died during a mythical flood, which are notoriously bad and severe, and even CAT-DOS outright states that she died "tragically", tells you that her death was a horrific one. A fate most likely filled with nothing but sheer paranoia and fear before she passed away. Doesn't excuse her actions later in her life, but you do feel bad about what she has previously went through.

Ultimately the Siren doesn't have a very detailed origin and not much is known about who she was before she died. Which does bring her down a bit. We have enough backstory however that gives us a sad perspective on the Siren.

17. Ben the Merchant

Ben's story is a straightforward yet sad one. A merchant who wanted to put a smile on others faces with his puppets. The puppets in question being looked at fondly and proudly by him considering he calls them his "children".

Due to some jealous shopkeepers however, he would have all his puppets thrown in the river. Putting him in a panic and accidentally drowning himself while attempting to save them. The merchant beginning to drown due to his devotion to his puppets was not the plan the townspeople had in mind. They could've easily saved him.

But instead they let him drown to death due to their own bitterness. What was originally supposed to be an attempt to sabotage another man's business became involuntary manslaughter. A man lost his life for basically no good reason. The result of this? A monster who would kidnap and kill the children of the town. The children who once loved and enjoyed the puppets that the merchant sold started to become puppets themselves.

The monster in question being Ben. But why? Why is he doing this? Well, there's his death screen in the main game.

For awhile, I took this death screen as Ben having a blue and orange morality of sorts. He thinks he's doing you a favor by turning you into a puppet. You don't have to deal with the burden of having to make a choice if you don't have any choices at all. He kidnapped, killed, and turned children into puppets as a strange way of helping them after realizing how cruel and cold the world was after his death. To make them less miserable and more happy.

That's what I thought at first, but then I thought about it some more and realized... no. Ben is just a fucked up dude.

For starters, unlike a lot specimens that are either devoid of personality or have some semblance to it hinted at through vague text or sparse voice lines, Ben is unique in that he shows most of his personality through body language and expressions. Making him the most expressive character in the whole game and thus easier to read on what his deal is.

His ingame poses depict him as taunting and even sadistic. It's made clear by the constant smile on his face that never changes, but it's also clear by some his poses showing him trying to act casual, comically and poorly trying to hide his needle, or extending his hand towards the player; as if trying to beckon them. Not to mention the audible laughing that can be heard in his death screen and occasionally whenever he moves. Further hinting at his twisted nature.

As you can see above, his face will occasionally turn into an angry and aggressive one. Although it could simply just be him showing frustration, it could also be him trying to further scare or intimidate the player.

The disturbing thing about all of this is that he's most likely fully self aware of what he's doing. As his death screen in Dollhouse implies.

This death screen is less vague and more clear. He outright states why he killed the children of his town. No sugar coating, no excuses, no signs of being under some odd delusional goal. He just spills the beans. His "children" drowned so he took the children away from the townspeople as payback. An eye for an eye as they say. He even goes into some disturbing detail about how the children were killed. Silencing them, sewing their bodies up, and drilling out their eyes.

Now the death screen in the main game has become all the more unnerving. Ben is simply trying to manipulate you into thinking that turning into a puppet isn't all bad, but in reality he just wants to turn you into a puppet as replacement for the ones he lost the day he died. You're his plaything and nothing more.

We have a very interesting case on our hands. Ben has a pretty detailed backstory that paints him as this poor and tragic guy who just wanted to make people happy and suffered a depressing death for no good reason due to some assholes. Meanwhile ingame he comes across as this petty, sick, and twisted prick who takes pleasure in tormenting the player and most likely took pleasure in killing those poor kids as well. Having full self awareness of what he was doing, but not caring about in the end. All of that shit, presumably not even because of the loss of his life, but because of some puppets...

You could make the argument that Ben was probably not the most mentally stable individual if his first reaction to losing some puppets was to go on a child murdering spree. He is referred to as a "strange" merchant in the notes and he calls his puppets his "children" and thought that they were "drowning". Going as far as to think his lifeless wooden puppets are in anyway comparable to living, breathing, and human children and that those actual living children should be replacements for his "children".

It's hard to say though. Ben could have also easily been a well meaning, awesome, and chill dude. But the day he drowned, lost his puppets, and saw how truly horrible the world can be to even the most kind hearted people, made something snap within him. The Lucifer Effect. Sometimes all it takes is one bad day and Ben had a really REALLY bad day.

Still a sick and twisted fuck who painfully killed children, but one that you can't help but feel bad for and somewhat understand why he took the path he did.

16. Ringu

At first glance you think Ringu would be placed more lower on the list. The notes in her locale don't really tell us anything about her, her voicelines aren't too noteworthy, and her death screen was... just seen as weird by most people.

Not a whole lot to her it seems. Just another murder monster as most people probably thought. Until you find out about what Kira said about her under one of their posts on Deviantart.

Now everything makes sense and is pretty easy to explain.

Ringu isn't a malicious spirit by any means. She doesn't want to harm you and in fact wants the exact opposite. She wants to protect you and keep you safe. Presumably after she died through unknown circumstances, she became completely delusional. Searching for children to keep "safe". Safe in her belly. Safe from the dangerous outside world. After all, her baby was completely safe there until it popped out of it.

Most of her victims being from school makes a lot of sense in this context. Because that was where all of the vulnerable kids were. To Ringu, those kids were in danger.

Ringu becomes very tragic figure now. Losing an infant, especially one that you've always wanted, is a horrific and damaging thing to go through. As someone who would love to have a kid or two in the future, I can't even imagine how much emotional and psychological damage I would go through if I ever experienced that. It would probably fuck me for a long time. Perhaps for the rest of my life even. Picturing a once human Ringu reacting to something like that is just awful.

The fact that she doesn't even realize what she's doing is wrong and is killing the children she wants to protect in the process is as disturbing as it is sad. She's clearly a caring and empathetic motherly figure. She just goes about it in a completely wrong way.

Hell! This is even alluded to with her original theme! Breakfast Was Too Early (which you can listen to here). Compared to the other chase themes in the game, this one doesn't really feel give off the vibes of "Oh shit! Something's coming after me!" or anything intense or dreadful. It sounds... peaceful and comforting? Like a lullaby that would play for a young child getting ready to go to sleep. That's what it sounds like.

As some have pointed out, the theme sounds like Ringu is trying to calm the player down. As if the theme itself is trying to say "Don't panic. Don't run away. Don't be scared. I won't hurt you. It will be over soon." This makes sense because again, Ringu doesn't want to actually harm the player.

So Ringu is pretty easy to sympathize with. She has killed kids which is always awful, but she isn't aware of what she's doing, so how much can you blame her really? That said, considering that she is outright not malicious unlike the previous specimens we ranked so far and the severity of what she went through to cause her to behave how she does now; shouldn't she be more higher on the list?

Well... there's one problem.

This bitch.

So Ringu received a new form in Endless Mode and she's a bit... different. What do I mean by that? What I mean is that Endless Mode Ringu feels like a separate character almost.

The whole "I don't want to actually harm you" motif with the original Ringu has been ridden of and instead the "I literally want to eat you" motif gets more focus. Endless Mode Ringu is depicted as a more vicious entity that is starving and desperate for a meal. This is made evident by the much more intense and definitely not soothing chase theme, the visible blood dripping out of her mouth, and her second form where she sprouts multiple arms. Unhinging her jaw beyond human capabilities and showing some sharp teeth.

She's also depicted as a more malicious entity in general. With her Endless Mode form having a visible smile with a gleeful expression in her eyes compared to her more neutral faced and bug eyed original counterpart.

Doesn't exactly help that we also see Endless Mode Ringu in the Hellgate chase and she basically gives the player the middle finger by putting a curse on them after she gets absorbed by the Hellgate. Which roughly translates to "I will curse you" or "You will be cursed". Like damn. Salty about being sent to Hell much?

This is where we have to go back to the comment that Kira made on Deviantart and look at the wording they use. They did state they wanted Ringu's backstory to be about her having her baby killed and then going on to search for children to keep safe. Keyword: wanted. Past tense wording here.

So Ringu's backstory must have been changed a bit. To what extent? We don't know really. Maybe the whole baby being killed thing is still canon to her backstory. Maybe both forms coexisting can make some sort of sense if you put your mind to it. At the end of the day, clearly some things were changed to make her be depicted so differently as we see in Endless Mode.

I could go on a whole rant about what exactly Kira changed about Ringu. Why both her forms were given scan lines on their HD models, why Endless Mode Ringu suddenly introduced a motif having to do with TV's despite such a thing never being hinted at before, why Breakfast Was Too Early was changed to Breakfast Was Too Late, ect. And overall just trying to figure out what tf her deal is. But that can be its own separate post.

To sum it up, trying to figure out where to place Ringu on this list was confusing because trying to figure out what her deal is and what's canon and what's not is headache inducing. It's just a whole entire mess. So she gets placed here. Although out of all the specimens here, I feel like her placement is most likely to change at one point or another

I'm sorry for failing you @chenxisolos. I really wanted to put your girlie up higher, but y'all need to figure something out because she's a mess right now/j.

15. The Worm Eel

Who's a good eel! You are! You are!

Ah man this poor thing. So this was a creature made to be a killing machine similar to Subject 5, only to end up being a passive. At the very least, it was kept as a pet around GL Labs, only to later be abandoned. Through unknown means, the Parasite ended up inside it and later bursts through its skull, killing it in the process.

There's not a whole lot to this eel other than that, but I imagine that it was pretty sad and lonely when the facility was abandoned and later was in a lot of pain when the Parasite entered it's body. That's unconfirmed though.

Still, although short lived, it's sad to see this peaceful little guy go. He was a good boy who did nothing wrong.

14. The Security Guard

Once a regular guard of Karamari Hospital who later became infected by the virus in the hospital and turned a deformed and controllable husk.

Similar to the Eel Worm, there's not much to this guy, but we can sympathize with him nonetheless. Similar to Bekka, considering that it was Ghost Cow causing havoc in the hospital, his death was probably a horrific and sad one. The virus that infected him most likely didn't take over his body immediately and who knows what horrors he witnessed when going through that process. Deadly viruses of any kind can definitely be a horrifying thing.

13. The Walls of Flesh

Another specimen that I struggled with figuring out where to put on this list. Because here's the thing with the Wall of Flesh. It's intentionally cryptic and not really a character in a traditional sense. It's supposed to represent trauma or repressed aspects. An entity that doesn't physically attack you, but mentally attacks you.

Nothing really implies that it has any personality, goals, outright malice, or full sapience. It's just... a thing. An idea. Not an actual being that exists. So how do you rank something like that? Well, we can rank what the specimen is trying to tell us. That being that there's something wrong with our protagonist.

Without going too much into unconfirmed theory territory, the threshold of consciousness and the scenes with the White Cat basically tell us that there's more to the protagonist we play as in SJSM than one would think. We can make many sorts of theories and interpretations as to what's the deal with the protagonist. That's the whole point of Specimen 7. It's intentionally interpretive. One thing is clear though, our protagonist is broken. Considering the fact that the Wall of Flesh literally one shots us when we make physical contact with it? It definitely brings some worrying implications.

Specimen 7 gives us a look into who exactly we're playing as and although a lot of it is vague and cryptic, hence why it isn't higher on the list, it does tell a tragic story. A tragic story that you yourself can make your own interpretation of.

Conclusion to part 1

I think that's a nice place to end this on for now. Part 2 will (hopefully) be completed before the end of this week! Once that comes out, as I stated before, I'll be ranking the rest of the specimens and then I'll state any closing thoughts I have. In any case, I'll see you when part 2 comes out and I hope you have a snazzy day!

[somewhereincairparavel]

okay. So I've finished book 1 of keeper of the lost cities for the first time. And I'm loving this keefe dude already?? Like I never thought I'd like a fictional character so quickly. All it took was like one page for me to fall for him, I am aware that keefe is one of the most loved characters in the fandom, and I can see why (correct me if I'm wrong).

Also the book is a solid 9.5/10, the only thing I was frustrated about was probably the slight info dumping about the whole blackswan thing towards the end? because it took me like 3 reads to understand the whole situation, of course, we could just narrow it down to me being slow too, lol. But I'm VERY excited to continue reading the rest. So while we're at it, I'll put in my first impressions of the characters, so I can look back on it after I've read all the books, to see how much my perception has changed of them.

Sophie- i like her, she's really mature for her age, I keep forgetting that she's like 12 lmao. But she's well written, her emotions seem very raw and natural. Of course, she may seem overpowered but, I think that's the whole point of the story, she is supposed to be overpowered, so I don't mind and i wouldn't call her a Mary sue. Overall great protagonist, my girlie deserves a break tho, she got dumped in the hospital atleast 6 times lol.

Fitz- i actually think he's cool. I liked him better in the beginning of the story tho, I feel like afterwards, the dude kinda just disappeared a little? Keefe and Sophie seemed to have more private interaction than those two, and keefe literally only came by in the middle. But yeah, I feel like he had more of a personality in the start. Keefe and Dex, in my opinion had more personality in 5 minutes than fitz did the whole book, but I wouldn't judge so quickly, it's only the first book after all, Hopefully he'd have more page time in the later books. I still like him tho, just not as much as keefe.

Dex- Yeah he is such a typical best friend, I love him. His beef w the vackers is so funny lol I was relieved when Sophie stuck with him even after she became popular tho, also, he seems to have a crush on sophie right? It's kinda obvious, but overall friendship goals 10/10. I vocally "AWW-ed" after he said "are you kidding, i can't wait to tell everyone that you're my first friend" like I need a guy bestie like him :(

Alden- honestly, my heart warmed so much with his father-like dynamic with sophie tbh. He seemed to genuinely care about her well being, but I don't want to get too attached to him tho, just in case becomes a traitor or some shit later on, you can literally never tell with the adults lol. I've read enough books to back that up. But yeah, i really like him and della, the amount of reassuring hugs he gives sophie really heals me :(, They're like sophies 2nd (well, in her case, 3rd) parents. The amount of effort and lengths Alden put to get her out of trouble is actually sweet.

Elwin- This guy is such a W. He is like an adult keefe tbh. He is probably my favorite adult so far lol.

Cassius- I'm sorry, but Mr jerk face over here reminds me SO much of Lucius Malfoy??? Like ?? I feel so bad for Keefe, like poor baby leave him alone smh. I really wanna deck his royal highness in the face tbh.

Biana- absolutely loathed her in the beginning, she gave off such bad snob vibes lol but I love her now. I like the trope of two people forced to be friends w eachother by someone actually end up becoming friends. It's rather uncommon as far as I've read, atleast.

Grady and Edaline- is it bad that i thought they were going to be evil? Yeah I have so much trust issues, it's concerning. But yeah, they're both big W's, their backstory, their temporary contemplation to reject sophies adoption, everything aligned well with their backstory. Greatly written characters.

And last but not least, the king himself, Keefe- okay, he's like added to my list of fictional crushes now lol (along with Percy Jackson, Jason grace, Steve Harrington, chat noir, Eugene fitzherbert, edmund pevensie and Ravi singh ofc). How does sophie not have a fat crush on him, like- ma'am if you don't want him, I'll take him. But jokes aside, he feels like the most authentic character out of them all, tbh. Epitome of great writing. He was inserted to the story as this random dude that sophie runs into, and becomes an og in like 5 minutes. He is like a mix of Eugene from tangled, Kristoff from Frozen and chat noir from mlb all at the same time?? I cannot wait to see more of him and his backstory, especially with his parents. I know alot of people dislike the humorous guy with depression trope since it's overused, but I like how it played out on keefe, he uses school as an escape, which is very relatable.

Also, bonus, i LOVE the world building, the light leaping and all, very creative. I cannot wait to get my hands on book 2

[solstitios]

yoooo! i'm rocket (she/her) and this is my manic pixie boy... man... pyro? idiot? callum, who is absolutely named after calum hood from 5sos i have a few pages up for him at the moment but this post may be better served regarding initial interesting in plotting! i do prefer d*scord for plotting just an fyi; feel free to like this post and i'll send you a dm to connect! ♡

tw: mentions of domestic/physical/familial abuse, accidental death

yes he DID forget how to speak korean when he got to ansong. yes he spent a week literally not being able to understand/read anything around him (this would be a fun plot for anyone who has a muse who speaks eng!) and i don't know how he did it. but one day he woke up and he could just suddenly understand everything again so he's ok now

is from sydney but doesn't remember that now. there's a picture of the sydney opera house on one of his mementos

came from a household with a very strict father and mother with little backbone; as the older son he was always being pressured to be amazing by his dad and would get hit when he didn't meet his father's standards (and then really started acting out as a result, but we'll get to that)

SUPER IMPORTANT TO KNOW: callum has a sister who is 2 years younger named callie and they were super close and i would love if someone brought her to the rp hello 2nd muse idea for y'all !!!

so once his dad really started laying on the trauma lol, callum began his rebellious era — literally just saying fuck all to his grades at school, hanging out with shitty people, getting involved with things he really shouldn't have

got arrested at 17 the spring before his high school graduation, father knew people in the city to get them to let him off with a smack on the wrist but nearly got his ass beat

father banished him to go live with his uncle in korea for the next decade. had a really hard time adjusting at first because his korean sucked. did some odd jobs, tutored english, wanted to be a cop but he couldn't because he wasn't technically a citizen so he actually started training to willingly enlist in the korean military

this happening while he was visiting aus for his bday: he just turned 27 this august so right before his frontal cortex stopped growing he thought it would be a great idea to set off illegal fireworks while was rly drunk with his friends... yeah ok buddy. ends up, i shit you not, "dumb ways to die" accidentally k*lls himself AND HIS SISTER with the fireworks striking them both. i swear this was more tragic when i was first conceptualizing him but writing this out now it's so stupid fjkdhfjkgf

except now on the bright side, he's dead but gets to be a firefighter! oh the irony

persona

personality wise he's like a pretty cool dude. fun to chill with. really likes fires. is calm and cool and that friend that always knows the right thing to say except he's got a lot of demons in him that keep him in his head a lot but is so frustrated because he can't even figure out what the demons are. loves his job. super into fitness and staying in shape. makes lists for everything. slightly neurotic. really wants to get a dog. left-handed. may come across as hard to read at times. nolan fanboy. good taste in memes but bad tiktok taste. only dresses in black/gray/neutrals outside of his work uniform. surprisingly makes banger charcuterie boards

tl;dr

childhood traumatized man accidentally k*lls himself and his sister

potential plots

someone who goes to the same boxing gym as him and maybe they have beef about something pretty juvenile? LMAO

one of your kitchen appliances catches on fire and you're too scared/embarrassed to call 119 so instead you run down to the third floor and make callum handle it instead

someone to go with him to one of the events posted on the community bulletin!!!

for females: callum meets you for the first time and when he does he gets deja vu. he feels like he's met you before (it's all his subconscious trying to push out his memory of his sister callie)

for males: someone younger he treats like an older brother (again, his subconscious longing for his sister)

[variabels]

who are your favorite blue lock characters and why?

It ended up getting really long so here's the list:

Nagi

Kaiser

Isagi

Honorable mentions:

Bachira

Chigiri

Shidou

Sae

Explanations (manga spoilers):

1. Nagi

But like in all seriousness, I relate way too much to his motivation problems, especially the setting a goal, reaching it for a second and not knowing what to do afterwards part. We also have similar personalities (although I think Rin or Sae might be the most like me in that department), find a lot of stuff to be a pain and the same hobbies (manga and gaming ftw).

I also really like his chemistry with Isagi, Chigiri and Barou, Isagi really brings out the best in Nagi, Chigiri and Nagi's friendship is so fucking cute and Barou vs Nagi is always hilarious. It was really nice to see Nagi go from skipping practice to willingly joining Isagi and Barou to train.

His playstyle is so much fun to watch. I'm so happy Kaneshiro decided to pair him up with Isagi for the second selection because they were a GOATed duo. They weren't perfect for each other, so seeing them having to work together to improve and win games was so satisfying. I love how Nagi got to actually have an input on the strategies used especially since he used to be the kind of person to just do whatever he's told.

He's also badass, adorable and precious.

And can we take a second to like look at him? How is this dude 190cm??? I deadass thought he was slightly taller than Isagi until I read what his actual height was. I've never seen someone so tall have such short person energy, it's so fascinating and weird.

2. Kaiser

Kaiser's a fucking bitch, that's why I love him. He's always so much fun, if he's in the scene, you know it's gonna be good. He just has this presence, idk how to describe it, but like, he will always get your attention.

He's so interesting and there's still so much to learn about him. I'm really excited to see how his character will develop. I love how he's able to genuinely acknowledge other people's achievements despite being a shit-talker (and one who can actually back up his shit, he's a new gen 11 member after all). I really have a thing for those types of characters.

His rivalry with Isagi is also easily the best rivalry in the series. They both respect each other as players despite having so much beef. Their rivalry keeps getting crazier with all their "I'll fucking kill you" and I'm all for it. Their personalities clash so well making it entertaining af.

Also, Kaiser's design is so iconic. It shouldn't work at all but it just does. Like what is up with that mullet-rat-tail-ombre hair? How does he pull it off? Also, the red eyeliner is beautiful, it's such a small detail but it adds so much.

3. Isagi

So, I know a lot of people didn't like Isagi at the start because he seemed like an asshole for feeling great about kicking the ball in Kira's face. I wasn't one of those. I immediately loved him after that and loved him even more every time he took joy in defeating others.

It's really rare for the main character to make it into my top 3, so when one does make it in, I know they're amazing and oh boy is Goatsagi amazing. He has a lot going for him, such as being one of the calm/Kuroko type of sports manga protagonists which I just enjoy way more than the loud/Hinata protags. I absolutely adore strategist characters (especially when they say "just as planned") so having one as the protag is awesome.

The duality of Isagi on the field and off the field is so good. So many sports manga just have serious/not serious as the duality, but Isagi's is asshole/sweetheart and I love it so much, it just adds so much personality and uniqueness to Isagi.

He's a really emotionally intelligent person (why are these so rare in fiction? especially emotional intelligent guys that are genuinely good people and not manipulative), like it's very apparent in how he interacts with his Blue Lock rivals, especially Barou and Rin. It's never explicitly stated but it's shown that he understands how to interact with each one of them in a healthy way. He doesn't go to annoy Rin or Barou to get them to open up more (istg tsundere/prideful characters end up opening up solely because they were annoyed or humiliated to death way too often), Isagi treats them like actual people off the field and doesn't try to make them uncomfortable. It's so refreshing. This also makes his relationship with Kaiser way funnier because Kaiser's like the only person Isagi isn't nice with.

Speaking about relationships, Isagi has such good chemistry with the entire cast. I find his relationships with his rivals to be the most interesting since it feels like he treats most of his friends really similarly. None of his rivalries really feel the same even when they fit in the same trope (friendly rivals, humbled rivals etc...). It's also really funny how he's got so many rivals and beefs, like he got the second-best in the world to have beef with him. ISAGI IS HIM.

This is getting long, so I'll be brief with the next point. Isagi just has so many traits I respect in a person. Like, he's not afraid to change, he's not afraid to ask others for help, he's ambitious and he'll do what it takes to win.

Never thought he'd be in my top 3 when I started Blue Lock. If he ends up being football Aizen, he'll surpass Nagi as my favorite...

Other favs:

Bachira, he used to be number 3, but Isagi's grown on me a lot and Bachira hasn't done much lately (he's also a fully developed character with a finished character arc, so there's not as much development potential in him atm). He's still really likeable and I love him but he's not as interesting anymore. His design is so sick and I love his playstyle. I also love his character arc in the second selection.

Chigiri, like Bachira he suffers a bit from having a finished character arc (like, there's really only him getting injured to develop him more at this point since the author decide to forget about the Chigiri-Kunigami subplot which could have allowed Chigiri to get more development), but still really likable. He's also the only person in Blue Lock who doesn't need therapy, idk how our princess has stayed sane. His design is gorgeous, I love it so much and wish I could be 1% as pretty as him.

Shidou, like Kaiser, he's one of those characters that just enhances every scene he's in. He's just so much fun and he genuinely loves football so much. His relationship with the Itoshi siblings is also amazing, it's so funny how he hates one and loves the other. He might not have any chemistry with Rin when it comes to playing football, but their character chemistry is great (they're always so funny when they're together). And holy fuck Shidou and Sae, I don't know where to start with these two, they were made for each other. I wish Shidou luck, he got Sae's number, maybe he can get his heart next?

Sae, aka the superior Itoshi sibling. Shit talkers who talk shit because they're genuinely better are some of my fav types of characters. He also kinda reminds me of Itachi from Naruto and he's my favorite character from Naruto, so ofc I was gonna love Sae. There's a lot of potential for his character to develop, especially if whatever he has going on with Shidou ends up getting developed more. I love how he's the one who reached out to Shidou, it's rare for the quiet one to be the one to do that if they're not manipulative. I hope he plays in the U20 team because I need more of his interactions with Rin and Shidou.

[pinkbelugacollective]

#deadass forreal forreal#one thing i hate about ppl who sensationalize chris but then turn around and shit on jon is this right here#like cousin be real#chris ALSO got shafted by the narrative and they did it to pitch some ultra epic romance and keep clark form raising him#age-ups are common for a reason#i am deadass terrified they're gonna age up otho and split her from osul so clark won't have to raise her either#truly terrified#clark's children suffer on account of being his kids#it's sad and i hate it and neither chris nor jon are at fault for being editorial's playthings 😭😭😭#real talk#dc comics

OP I am vigorously shaking your hand, THANK YOU.

I have been screaming about how Jon got the literal SAME treatment as Chris for AGES but people can't seem to get over the fact DC decided for the UMPTEENTH time that you know what couples need? Biological kids over adopted ones we have always been screwing over anyway! Chris isn't the first adopted kid to get fucked over by DC! Stop concentrating your anger on the fictional characters and start getting angry at the writers and editors! I want THEIR asses on a platter, not Jon's!

Oh, let's not forget the fact Chris was always going back to the Phantom Zone at the end of his debut run— but because Last Son's artist had to take a nearly year-long break due to health issues, the other writers took that as an opportunity to develop Chris and his relations with the Superfamily.

Superkids are disposable for Clark angst, whether one accepts it or not. Chris isn't the first to get the shaft (that would be Cir-El, who was even retconned as not being RELATED to Clois because people hated her guts as a Supergirl-replacement so much) and as you can see, he certainly isn't and won't be the last (see: Jon). I'm sure those twins won't last long either.

(I have beef with Kennedy so I tend to ignore the twins' existence unless someone forces me to acknowledge them. He is on my shit list though— at least Jon wasn't created as a (blatant) replacement for Chris, unlike those two! I can't believe he even admitted that! In an interview!

You could have found a way to deage Jon and solidify yourself as a legend regardless of how the rest of your run goes, but noooo, you had to cram in your own OCs instead! You don't even get to own their IP, idiot!

Oh, and I read somewhere (or was it in the same interview?) that the girl was gonna die at the end of the Warworld saga too! As if the boy twin wasn't enough of an obvious replacement (who I might add even has some similarities with Chris too)! And you had to screw over the New Gods for them too! They are barely recovering from King's Mister Miracle, dude!)

see anon, one thing i've realized about BOTH dc fandumb and dc editorial after being off dc comics for nearly ten years is that......... they not reading 😂😂😂 that's literally it, and im tired of pretending like that's not a problem on BOTH sides. it's so funny bc yeah, chris was never meant to last, but he DID have an impact, but you would think that after the nuking of the universe, the failure that was the new 52, and then the rebirth initiative to bamboozle hoes back into buying overpriced singles.............. they would, like, make a genuine effort not to be stupid with their own heritage properties, but the clowns keep clowning!!!

as for the children of clark kent.... i mean, yeah. they're destined to suffer. i don't know kennedy johnson that well but i enjoyed warworld, and tbh, i love ALL of superman's kids. call me clown too, it's ok. i know there's no hope for any of them to lead any kind of meaningful life on account of being his children, adopted or not, but i do love how their characters fit into the broader narrative. unfortunately, i did not know he was using otho and osul to substitute for what would have been OG chris, but tbh, that does not surprise me.

just like it doesn't surprise me how a lot of fandumb is quick to blame pink capitalism as to why jon was revealed as bisexual and not, like, the fact that bendis didn't DO anything with jon after aging him up. homie was just floating in the 31st century macking on a telepath and looking like tom welling circa 2005 😂😂😂 listen, the gays are being fed for the time being. tomorrow they might decide we're not worth the hassle, but for now, we get to see cute pride specials with superman and his pinkette since no one's bold enough to write a series of elgibbityqueue elseworlds where clark gets to mack on john henry irons and jimmy olsen.

but i digress! i love those superkids! i love chris and jon! i hope bendis comes back and destroys the rest of this continuity so we can finally force editorial to commit to character bibles, and hire editors who aren't writing books that might be easy to adapt into shitty tv shows and movies. i also hope the next wave of dc blockbusters flop. plus i want kon el to kiss bart allen. i am a woman of multitudes.

[liugeaux]

Greatest Songs Ever - Part 26 (100 Years of Music)

Here are 10 more of the greatest songs ever. I wasn't intending to have a theme, but after lining up 10 tracks I realized they were from 7 different decades. That's when I decided to tweak a few choices and got one song from each of the past 10 decades. The songs that were cut will likely hit next time, but this time the challenge is not only to hit every decade but to build a playlist that doesn't sag due to back-to-back ancient songs. This list is all over the place, but I think it works, enjoy.

1959 "Dream Lover" - Bobby Darin

Let's start the show with a show-stopper! "Dream Lover" has been in my library for decades now, and I never thought to check what year it came out. As the representative of the 50s, it's really a song that couldn't have been released in later decades. It's got such an esoteric instrumentation and arraignment, that it works great for period pieces but is very representative of its time. It gets deep in your head and stays there indefinitely, "Dream Lover" is the very definition of a classic.

1986 "Take Me Home Tonight" - Eddie Money

Another layup, "Take Me Home Tonight" is one of the most singable songs that is easy to get crowds singing along at a bar, at a concert, at a grocery store, basically anywhere it's being played. I love the sax, the big breakdown at the end and the hook is perfect. Honesty, prior to this adventure I didn't know what he meant when he sang "Just Like Ronnie Sang" and I definitely didn't know Ronnie Spector sang the "be my little baby" part. Fascinating! Fun fact "Be My Baby" almost made this list, and will likely be in a future installment.

1993 "Callin' Baton Rouge" - Garth Brooks

The representative from the 90s also happens to be from arguably the most successful artist of the 90s, Garth Brooks. The decades haven't been kind to Mr. Brooks, as it turns out he's a super-weird dude. That wasn't as obvious in the 90s but the seeds were definitely there. "Callin' Baton Rouge" is far from his most iconic song, but of his hits, it's the one that's aged the most gracefully. It's got a heavy country fiddle, and real county fair feel to its chorus. I'll likely add more Brooks songs to this list eventually, but "Callin' Baton Rouge" will be the one that took the least personal convincing to do so.

2022 "Just Pretend" - Bad Omens

Hot out of 2022, "Just Pretend" is the newest track on display today. It has a pop friendly hook to it, but still retains the modern prog-rock vibe of the rest of their library. Bad Omens benefits SO MUCH from the singer Noah Sebastain's power vocals. The breakdown at the bridge deserves to be in the bridge Hall of Fame. Introspective lyrics with an underlying sadness is 100% my bag and "Just Pretend" is a pristine example of what modern rock music can be.

1969 "I Want You Back" - Jackson 5

Side note, I'm proud of the audio transition from Bad Omens to Jackson 5 here, its a good sweet and salty complimentary placement. As for this song, this is another classic track that's lived in my subconscious for decades. The layers of sound in this simple pop song is a testament to both the Jacksons and Motown.

2004 "Somewhere Only We Know" - Keane

I had never heard this Keane song until it was used in the Netflix show Beef, and despite never hearing it before I was rolling tears...hard. I wouldn't say its a song that best represents its decade, but that's not what we're doing here. Part Oasis, part Radiohead, and part Coldplay, "Somewhere" is Brit-pop at its core but has an undercurrent of personal longing, a nostalgia that's just out of reach. Deliberately vague lyrics can easily turn into an incoherent shit-show, very quickly (see Bush's entire discography) but Keane leaves just enough crumbs to lead the listener to whatever destination they want, with a surge of emotion to carry with them. How I had gone 20 years without hearing it, makes me wonder what other gems are in Keane's library.

1940 "We Three (My Echo, My Shadow and Me)" - The Ink Spots

I knew I would need to include some desperately old songs to make this list's theme work, but "We Three" was already in the hopper for inclusion. Unintentionally haunting, "We Three" seems like a song that's supposed to be a sweet little ditty, but thanks to games like Bioshock and shows like Fallout, the sound and tone of songs from this era make your spine shake, regardless of their original intention. What's wild about songs like this in this era, is multiple artists could have a hit with the same song in the SAME YEAR. The Ink Spots and Frank Sinatra both had a hit with "We Three" in 1940.

2015 "Addicted To A Memory" (featuring Bahari) - Zedd

This Zedd song has been hovering just off of this list for nearly a year. It almost made the collabs list and every list since then. Technically an album cut, "Addicted To A Memory" is Zedd at his very best. The best EDM songs have a heavy drop, and the one at 1:36 in this song should be hung in The Louvre. The sections with Bahari only exist to bridge the gaps between crunchy EMD rants. At the 2:40 mark, she packs it in and disappears for the remainder of the track. I know this genre is very polarizing, but its place in the 2010s cannot be ignored in the grand history of music. Zedd is the best at what he does and this song is proof.

1977 "Alison" - Elvis Costello

Elvis Costello has always flown completely under my radar, but after realizing one of my favorite Butch Walker covers "Alison" was Costello, I had to check out his original. It's got a sloppy charm to it that invites cleaner and bigger covers later, much like Bob Dylan's library. I kind of want to hear Fall Out Boy, Neon Trees or even Badflower cover this Costello classic, the outcome could be fantastic.

1938 "Nightmare" - Artie Shaw

Here it is the functional cornerstone of the theme of this list. I was having trouble rounding out the 10 decades because the 1930s are so pesky. Other songs popped up but didn't quite knock me over. "Nightmare" blew me away. Its harsh brass mixed with the undulating bass is frightening and feels like the soundtrack of a trippy horror film. It's obvious that "Nightmare" influenced the classic James Bond theme, and that's great, but the Bond theme doesn't have the teeth that "Nightmare" does. If I knew the exact moment I was going to die, I would want "Nightmare" playing in my final minutes with the final uptick at the end being my last breath. Morbid I know, but "Nightmare" is that effective of a song and I'm so glad I stumbled on it.

I don't anticipate having a theme next time, but I'm proud of myself for being able to put this one together. The grander list needed some older tracks anyway. See you next time.

Cheers.

[sarah-dipitous]

Hellsite Nostalgia Tour 2023 Day 186(?)

Sacrifice/The Power of Three

“Sacrifice”

Plot Description: What must Sam, Dean, and Castiel sacrifice to seal the gates of Hell? With Kevin’s help, the Winchester brothers have one last play against Crowley

Would I Survive the First Five Minutes??: Jody almost died but no one actually did

This has been a WILD season…

OMG Crowley, get away from Jody.

Oh good, they finally sent Kevin to the bunker

He comes off so kindly…but I KNOW Metatron fucking sucks

I love Crowley’s twenty foot long contracts

OMG THEYRE GONNA TRY TO CURE CROWLEY OF BEING A DEMON. Honestly, the way they tricked him and slapped the demonic handcuff on him to Dean was…not bad.

CAS you can’t just ask people their kinks in public in the middle of the day. This is why you only took on a couple hunting jobs (well, that and being on the run from heaven most of this season). ITS TEN AM?

I can’t remember heaven’s specific beef with Metatron (except perhaps God’s personal scribe being away for so long)

Thanks, Dean…….you’re very helpful getting Sam prepared to go to confession to cleanse his soul, listing every single thing he’s done wrong this series

I know I spent all of this season’s penultimate episode being a Castiel apologist and telling Dean to be nicer to him, but umm…Cas, baby, they’re preparing for the LAST TASK to shut the gates of hell forever. You SURE this can’t wait??

Dean’s in the biggest lose-lose situation. He’s so…eldest daughter coded. There’s so much expected of him, to take care of everyone, pulled in every direction he’s needed

Poor Kevin. He’s just a KID. And so much is being asked of him, too. Too much.

This is quite the “last night on earth” talk between Cas and Dean…and then they watch two dudes fall in love?? Hello??

Oh Crowley, you should NOT have been so cocky. She hates BOTH of you, but she’ll get rid of Sam momentarily and mostly unharmed to kill you herself

Damnit, god forbid women do ANYTHING on this show. No, we gotta light them on fire when they try to kill the demon who usurped the throne of hell from the fallen angel they served

Um what?? This is a good monologue, but I don’t trust Crowley at ALL. I don’t trust that it’s real

See, here’s the thing. Yeah, Naomi sucks but I don’t think she’s lying. She’s a very straightforward angel who just happens to be awful a lot of the time

DAMMIT. When I said Dean was in the worst lose-lose situation, i didn’t mean for it to get THIS BAD. The trials are about to kill Sam (which, like…he’s not been doin great for a while, this isn’t a surprise) and now Cas is gone to try to fix heaven when we were JUST TOLD that Metatron was lying, that he’s trying to expel all the angels from heaven…he has no control over either situation

Omg. The one who has always seen a light at the end of this, who has very explicitly wanted to find something outside of hunting is no longer fazed by the prospect of dying in order to close hell

I forgot that Cas gets his grace taken from him

So, we end the season with the gates of hell NOT closed and hundreds maybe thousands of angels expelled from heaven. Coolcoolcoolcoolcoolcoolcool

“The Power of Three”

Plot Description: the Doctor and the Ponds puzzle over an unlikely invasion of Earth

I can’t wait to see who wrote this one because what is it with Moffat-run shows and having the titular character, his married companions (one of whom there’s definitely a tension with said titular character), and having an episode called “The _____ of Three” that I’m watching this month??

Hmmmm, interesting. (Yeah, this episode and the one I watched the other day, I have like NO memory of)

Excuse me?? Why is, like, a swat team coming into the Ponds’ house??

The DISGUST with which the Doctor says “Twitter”…did he know??

Why can he be a normal-ish person, experiencing time in a linear fashion with CRAIG of all people but can’t sit still around the Ponds for more than five minutes?

Uuugggghhhhhh the way they’re growing away from him as they try to actually establish their lives where they are, both professionally and socially. But also, he’s always kept them at arm’s length, so it’s not surprising. BUT ALSO KNOWING WHAT’S COMING NEXT EPISODE

Oh FINALLY the cubes are starting to DO SOMETHING. It’s nothing GOOD.

Oh, Briannnnn…he’s so (rightfully) worried for Rory and Amy

Domestic Doctor and Ponds ❤️❤️ something you never thought you’d see

I can’t decide what these cubes are a good metaphor for…

This conversation between Amy and the Doctor is reminding me a little of the one from the last Christmas special. He knows they’ll stop coming with him at some point, but he keeps coming back as long as they’ll go with him. Because what’s the point of having them with him now if he’s going to lose them later? Because he’s going to lose them later (I’M NOT CRYING. YOU ARE)

I hope we get more of Kate Stewart at some point. She seems like a really good character to have around

This show poses some really interesting ethics questions without really following through on them. The Shakri want to eliminate the threat of humans colonizing space, but they haven’t done it yet……..it’s just. It’s too interesting to not follow through on

[blossom-hwa]

pirate!ateez |2|

The continuation of the pirate ateez au inspired by pretty much every wonderland stage and the kingdom wonderland performance!! Once again credits to mai @wingkkun for the ideas that sparked san, mingi, and yeosang’s stories!

(Reading part 1 isn’t required to understand what happens here; however, there are spoilers for previous members’ stories!!)

Pairing: Ateez x gender neutral!reader

Word count: 11.9k (total)

Genre: some fluff, mostly angst, pirate!au

Triggers: cursing, blood and death (sometimes semi-graphic) - specific triggers for each section are listed below the header!

Part 1 (Hongjoong, Seonghwa, Yunho, Yeosang) | Part 2 (San, Mingi, Wooyoung, Jongho)

Ateez Masterlist

san (ABS - specialty in swordsmanship)

warnings: cursing

so. san.

poor dude i put him through a lot in hongjoong’s part :/ he didn’t deserve that i’m sorry san

but let’s start from the beginning

unlike some of the others, san has only ever known the streets. he has no memory of real parents, just various random caretakers who ended up causing him more harm than good

there are two singular exceptions to this during san’s childhood: you and an older pirate named jongin

you’ve been there ever since san can remember. even now he’s not entirely sure how or when you two met, he must’ve been very young, but he just knows you’ve been with him for what feels like forever

the two of you wandered the streets together, begging and stealing food whenever you could

it only makes sense that you two would fall in love once you were old enough to understand it (which comes a little later than either of you would’ve liked - you’re probably sixteen or seventeen when you get the guts to press san against a wall and kiss him like person starved as san kisses back with just as much fervor)

when you were still together, it sometimes felt like you were the only reason san could stay alive

you mean the world to each other. the literal world

so that’s you - someone san knows will never abandon him willingly, will always stay by his side as long as they can

now uh moving on to jongin

you two were young when you tried to pickpocket him that one time

immediately it was clear you’d messed with the wrong guy - he noticed you two immediately and you were caught

but surprisingly, all he did was smile and offer to buy you something to eat

and being the hungry children you were (san thinks you were around twelve at the time) you said yes without a second thought

luckily jongin didn’t have any ulterior motives - in fact, he taught you and san to become better pickpockets, how to take advantage of people’s blind spots and your natural talents

so naturally, he became both of your role model

and because jongin was a pirate, you two resolved to become pirates just like him when you grew older, even asking him to take you on his ship whenever he returned to the city to visit.

but every time, jongin refuses. when you’re younger you kind of accept it, but as you and san grow older you start to insist more and more

there’s nothing left for you two here except a life still on the streets, and isn’t being a pirate pretty much the same? stealing and pillaging, just on the ocean instead of on dry land

neither you nor san flinches at blood, and you can both deal with injuries

but jongin still refuses, finally telling you just how far from heroes pirates really are. they kill and steal, often more than they need, not taking just enough money and food to survive or pass out to those less fortunate the way you and san both do

this kills the dream a little for you and san, though you both come to the conclusion that not all pirates have to be horrible - look at jongin

so you still resolve to become pirates, maybe on a crew that isn’t as terrible as the ones jongin has told you two about

this sort of dream goes on for another year or so. you and san figure out your shit and finally kiss, jongin mock claps when he finds out before disappearing again, you and san wander the streets again still with little aim but your interlocked hands are purpose enough

until you get kidnapped. 

san literally almost goes insane when he can’t find you after two days. tears around the city like a man possessed, looking everywhere you might be and then everywhere you definitely aren’t on the off chance he’ll find you

but even when jongin arrives back in the city a few weeks later and joins san’s frantic search, you’re never found

it’s all too much. way too much for san - he’s literally lost the one person who keeps him sane - and honestly the last straw is when jongin asks if he wants to join his crew now

deep inside san knows he means it out of the goodness of his heart. jongin isn’t evil and he’s hurting too with your disappearance, he’s just trying to give san a semblance of a new home

but san explodes. none of this would’ve happened if jongin had taken them in earlier, had let them join the crew together, if he’d even taught them more - it’s his fault, it’s his fucking fault

jongin tries to grab san but he just twists away - jongin’s touch feels like fire burning against his skin - and runs

for how long he runs, san genuinely doesn’t know. he just knows that he can’t stay here, can’t stay in this city anymore 

so he becomes somewhat of a highway robber? holding travelers at sword point and demanding what they have

the sword he uses was gifted to him by jongin and it makes him feel sick every time he pulls it out, but even though san is sometimes irrational, he’s not stupid - he needs a weapon, and if this is the only one he has, so be it

doesn’t matter if memories of you and an older pirate come flooding back every time he grips the handle.

san makes a name for himself - people whisper about him, tell travelers to avoid the paths he frequents, but the thing is he doesn’t really frequent anywhere. he’s a wanderer too, which makes him so dangerous because he’s so unpredictable

until hongjoong appears and san makes the mistake of challenging him to a fight. 

i say mistake but really, it was probably one of the singularly most life-changing events for san except for 1. meeting you, 2. your disappearance, and 3. leaving jongin 

because when hongjoong has his sword positioned over san’s neck and san thinks he’s about to die, hongjoong gives him a choice - join his crew or get his throat cut

san just scoffs at first and is like why would you want a highway robber on your crew? don’t you know who i am?

hongjoong does know, of course - he actually tracked san down because he needed a good swordsman to join his crew and thought san would be perfect

san is on the edge of saying no, but hongjoong is one of three people who’ve ever beaten san in a fight (jongin, you, and now joong) so he’s got a little grudging respect for the guy

but even more than that, he remembers you and remembers your pact to find a semi-decent ship and join the crew 

it seems like a childish pact now, but for some reason, once he remembers it, he can’t put it out of his mind

(maybe it’s because if you’re dead, which you probably are, san wants to at least fulfill his part of any promises you made so long ago)

so he says yes

for the first few weeks, san really considers jumping ship

seasickness is a bitch, first of all, even if the ship’s doctor is nice enough to give him tips on how to handle it

but the main issue isn’t just him being sick - it’s the people

not all of them. most are fine. but san has a particular problem with wooyoung and his partner, not because they’re assholes or anything, but because they remind him way too much of him and you. childhood friends who grew up together and wouldn’t part for the world, except they’re still joined at the hip while you’re lost

and san just thinks it’s horribly unfair that you had to be torn away from him while others are allowed to stay together

but really, the ship is better than living on the edge on land. besides woo + his partner, the others are nice, and san has found himself a match in sword fighting with hongjoong and yunho

so as time passes, san acclimates to the ship. he gets closer to everyone there and comes out of his shell, even becoming friends with yeosang whom he previously deemed too close to woo + his partner to deal with

and because yeosang is a package deal with the other two, san eventually becomes friends with them too

for the first time in a long time, san thinks he’s happy, even though he still sorely misses you and wishes you were here. but you’re dead or at least long gone, and he’s not going to find you again

so when you turn up on an enemy pirate ship several years later, san nearly has a heart attack when he sees your face (wooyoung actually has to catch him when he stumbles)

from the widening of your eyes, it’s pretty much the same reaction for you

there’s no fight, at least not then. the town your ships have docked in is safe ground for pirates, meaning the villagers will deal with them but won’t tolerate fights

so your crews resupply, all the while studiously ignoring the pirates from the other ship

but san is itching to talk to you - even just see your face one more time

you look so different yet somehow exactly the same and san wants to know what happened to you - how did you get that scar down the side of your face?

you feel the exact same way. 

when you were kidnapped, you were taken on a pirate ship that was far less respectable than hongjoong’s. meaning you went through a fucking lot

you tried to escape at least five times but each time you just got caught, so you eventually gave up. so here you are, ignoring the literal love of your life because your ship is shit and happens to have beef with hongjoong’s

meaning you couldn’t escape if you tried. 

so you’ve resigned yourself to mere stolen glimpses of san’s face but then your captain gives all of you a mission

he wants a hostage. and he wants you to lure one of them in. 

you don’t want this mission. you fucking hate it and you hate your crew and you don’t want anything more than to just run away so you just ignore it and resolve to subtly sabotage your crewmates’ efforts in any way you can

and for the most part it works

but then you’re on deck, helping one of your crewmates put some supplies away

when a crowd comes on board, bruised and bloodied, and drops choi san onto the wooden floor.

the captain is ecstatic - they’ve managed to catch hongjoong’s best swordsman, no doubt they’ll get a hefty ransom for him

but you’re not listening. all you can do is avoid san’s sharp gaze

and think of a way to help him escape.

the ship sets sail within hours, trying to get away from hongjoong as quickly as possible. san lives his days in one of the tiny cells belowdecks, barely fed between questioning sessions during which he says nothing

but he can feel hope slipping away, day by day - even he can’t break through chains, and even if he could, his sword is gone. five or six pirates he could maybe take alone without a weapon, but there are far more on this ship

still, when the ship finally docks, san has resolved to at least attempt an escape. he knows the captain is in negotiations with hongjoong over getting him back so hongjoong has to be in the same port, or at least nearby

so when someone opens the cell again, san literally launches himself at them in an aborted attempt to run

you subdue him quickly - you’re not dehydrated and underfed, after all

san just gapes into your face that’s barely lit by a torch on the wall outside his cell. he has so much he wants to say, the first being how could you do this to him, did none of your time together mean anything - 

but then you unlock the chains around his wrists, toss him a bundle of fresh clothes, and tell him to get changed

dressed in the new clothes, he looks like a member of the crew, and you tell him to keep his head down as you bring him up out of the ship and into the village

san’s still kind of dumbfounded so when you tell him to run, he doesn’t understand at first. run where?

hongjoong’s ship is in the next port, you say. on foot, it’ll take a few days to get there, so he needs as much of a head start before people realize he’s missing

therefore - you push back his forehead with a finger - fucking run, choi san. i don’t recall you being stupid before.

when he understands, he tries to tell you to come with him - hongjoong’s a decent captain, he’ll probably understand

but you shake your head. you yourself need to leave. once your captain realizes san has disappeared, it’s only a matter of time before you get found out, considering the number of unconscious and dead bodies you left in your wake, and you need to be long gone and away from san before that happens. you’re not going to bring more harm on him again. the least you could do is maybe divert their attention for a while

san’s heart sinks when he realizes you have no intention of coming with him, no matter how much he tries to convince you

and he almost starts crying again - just when he’s finally gotten you back, fate is forcing you to slip through his fingers yet again

you just hug him and apologize for everything, for getting kidnapped, for not helping him escape until now even though none of that is your fault

san says that and more, apologizes for even thinking you’ve changed - he should’ve known you were still the same person he’d fallen in love with so long ago

but there’s no more time and now you’re pushing him away and telling him he needs to go before it’s too late. in the process, you press a blade into his hand. 

for protection. 

it’s faintly familiar. and when san looks a little more closely, he realizes it’s the blade that jongin gave you so long ago, a copy of the same one he gave san. only the initials etched into the handle are different.

it makes him feel sick. san had switched his blade out for another sword the second he could, too many memories of you and jongin attached to it. but you never stopped using yours. 

that knowledge makes his insides burn with shame and he tries to give it back to you but you force him to take it. i have more weapons than just this. you have nothing. and now you need to go.

he kisses you one last time. you kiss him back with just as much fervor and when you break away, there’s a small smile on your lips 

you tell him you’re glad he’s found a kind crew, a crew he’ll be happy to remain with. you’re glad he’s luckier than you

san tries to tell you again to come with him, but you shake your head. hongjoong won’t be happy to take in a member of an enemy crew, and even if he was, that’d only turn your ship’s sights on san’s for a long time. you won’t have that. 

so you disappear with a last reminder not to be stupid, a wavering smile on your face 

it takes everything san has to return to hongjoong’s ship without chasing after you, and he’s welcomed back with open arms and warm words

but despite being back with his family, san’s heart sinks the farther they get from the harbor, knowing that he’ll probably never find out what happened to you, his original family, after this

wooyoung tries to comfort him, saying not to lose hope - after all, you met once after your separation, you might meet again

however, fate isn’t kind. san knows that very well. twice you’ve met, and twice you were separated

san hopes wooyoung is right, hopes he’ll see you once more

but as the ship cuts through the water into the open ocean and land fades from sight...

deep inside, something tells san he won’t.

mingi (ABS)

warnings: cursing

you look me in the eyes and ask how it is possible for me to write angst for someone like mingi. i tell you i will try my best

that is a threat and a promise

anyway! let’s get on with it

mingi is a pure-hearted orphan who has somehow survived the demoralizing and horrible orphanage system in his hometown

he never knew his parents, all he’s ever known was that shitty little orphanage, it’s a miracle that didn’t break apart his pure personality

it helps that from a young age, mingi was taller and bigger than his peers - people didn’t want to mess with him

also when he’s not smiling, he can look pretty scary

but that left mingi lonelier than he wanted to be, so he resolved to smile whenever he could so that people wouldn’t feel intimidated by his stare

it didn’t win him many friends??? like the kids his age were more just weirded out by him smiling when they lived in a fucking orphanage. but he did get more free handouts from adults when he’d pretend to act like a cute kid, so he just kept doing that

eventually when he grew older, maybe mid-teens, he got a job working at his town’s port

mingi’s pretty smart and more importantly here, he’s very strong - just the type of worker his supervisors were looking for

the job is okay - not horrible, but it’s kind of boring and mingi’s supervisors aren’t always the nicest

but mingi’s always been the type of person to just content himself with the fact that hey, things could be worse

he might not have survived the orphanage

he might not have been born with strength

he might not have gotten a job that comes with a semi-stable roof over his head

so for a couple of years, this goes on, mingi helping ships unload and reload, stuff like that

until hongjoong’s ship pulls into port

it normally wouldn’t mean anything if hongjoong hadn’t been half dead on his feet with his partner and seonghwa pretty much carrying him down the gangplank

most people were just shoving them around, totally ignoring the fact that hongjoong clearly needed help

but even though his supervisor told him to go help one of the bigger ships, mingi saw hongjoong and went off to go help them

recommended a cheap place to get rest and offered to help them with some of the ship repairs so they wouldn’t have to pay so much (because their boat was... a little beaten up to say the least)

after a few days, hongjoong recovers from his sickness (brought on by exhaustion, not eating well, and god knows what else - his partner chewed him the fuck out), and they all thank mingi profusely

they’re about to leave then - the ship has been repaired thanks to mingi’s help and they’re ready to set sail again

but a glint appears in seonghwa’s eye and he suddenly turns around and asks mingi if he’d like to come with them

mingi: wha - you mean me?

seonghwa: is there another guy named mingi around?

mingi: i mean technically yeah, there’s a lee mingi working on the other end of the shipyard -

at first mingi’s like... no i don't think so because he has a stable job here, right? nothing really happens and it’s kind of boring, but being a pirate sounds kind of scary

but another part of him has been aching for something more interesting than the monotony of working at the port day in and day out

besides, hongjoong seems like a much nicer person than his supervisors

so in the end, mingi throws caution to the wind and joins the crew

he kind of questions it at first because he really doesn’t seem to have a knack for swordplay, also he kind of tends to panic/get squeamish when there are fights

but seonghwa keeps faith in him no matter what - he was the one to ask mingi if he wanted to stay, after all

so as time goes on and more people join the crew, mingi adjusts to life as a pirate. he finds his role on the ship in making repairs when they’re in port or even when they’re on board, which makes him happy - mingi likes being useful

he also likes jongho, who joins him as one of the ship’s repairmen when he ends up with the crew

he even becomes a fair swordsman - definitely not the best on the ship, not by a long shot, but after being trained by first hongjoong and then yunho (with san occasionally interjecting when he joins the crew), he definitely has the skills to defend himself and others

emphasis on others. because while mingi might panic during a fight where he’s only defending himself, when those he cares for come into play, mingi is a demon. an absolute demon. 

an enemy pirate once got within a hair’s breadth of killing seonghwa once and mingi just unleashed absolute fury. first time he ever killed someone

it haunts him sometimes, but the knowledge that he was protecting seonghwa keeps him from dwelling on it too much. that’s how much mingi cares about his crew

and that comes into play when you enter his story

you’re the child of a couple corrupt aristocrats who have never, not once in their lives, given you the attention you deserved

no matter what you did, they didn’t care

you studied your ass off. you worked so hard on swordplay. you’re literally the golden child in the aristocratic circles of your region and other nobles wish you were their child, but all your parents ever do is give you a passing glance and a fake smile

sure they’ll praise you at parties and things when they talk to other nobles, but it’s all empty - they only barely remember all of your accomplishments. they just don’t care

then one day, hongjoong’s crew pisses off your family - ruins trade at some port or whatever

so your father puts a bounty on his crew’s heads

it’s not exactly a common thing to put bounties on the heads of pirates, but it can happen if a crew fucks around a little too much

and when the bounty goes out for the crew of the aurora (hongjoong’s ship), you seize on it as your last chance to gain your parents’ approval, the approval you’ve been seeking for quite literally your entire life

you’re not dumb - you know it’ll be hard, and you know your family is only going to be completely satisfied if you bring back proof that the captain is dead. not some other random crew member, though that’s a step in the right direction

you decide to go for one of those crew members first, preying on the fact that if one goes missing, the captain will likely be easier to capture

you’ve heard stories about hongjoong, he isn’t heartless. he actually does care about his crew, each of whom plays an integral role on the ship

which means if you can get one of them, you can lure him out - you might not even have to kill off the rest of the crew if you can just take him out

therefore you set your eyes on one song mingi. from the rumors he’s the worst at fighting, but he’s also essential when it comes to ship repairs 

the perfect target for your plan

so you set out on your journey. your idea is to try and see if you can befriend mingi somehow, get him to trust you, then take him hostage

and somehow, you get lucky at the first port you visit - hongjoong’s ship is right there, aurora emblazoned on its side

it’s not hard to spot mingi - he’s one of the tallest, and he’s busy tinkering around the side of the ship

it’s even easier to get his attention

because your master plan is simple and dumb as fuck

fall into the water and pretend to drown. 

mingi, being the pure-hearted lovely soul he is, jumps in to save you despite you being very able to swim

he’s worrying over you when he pulls you out of the ocean, spitting and choking water

and all you can think is 1. mingi is very handsome but more importantly 2. all of this is genuine. like too genuine

it unnerves you - how can a pirate be so pure of heart?

but you push that thought away. there has to be some hidden side of mingi that he hasn’t shown yet, he’s a pirate after all. you can’t feel guilt for using him - you need to gain your parents’ approval. you need to

so you do your damn best to keep him in port. every night you go out and subtly undo some of the repairs he’s made and create a few new problems as well

the ship ends up staying in port for a few more weeks than expected

and during that time, you find that mingi... is really not hiding anything

at all

you keep trying to prod at him when you invite him to bars for a drink, when you “coincidentally” catch him on the streets, etc. 

but there’s nothing to mingi except his very kind personality that sometimes, against your better judgement, sweeps you off your feet

like when that horse-drawn carriage almost hit you and mingi pulled you away just in time

or when you bumped into the wrong person and they pulled a knife on you that mingi was fast enough to deflect

by the time those several weeks are over, you haven’t made any headway in your plan to kidnap mingi

you tell yourself that it’s fine, this mission was always going to take a long time - you could be here for over a year before the right opportunity presents itself after all, and mingi probably doesn’t trust you enough just yet for that to work anyway

mingi ends up sailing off again, and he promises to come back

also makes you promise to stay and wait for him. 

you tell yourself another lie, that you’re happy he’s asking you to wait just because it’ll make your plan so much easier - plus, it means he likes you, which is a step towards trust

it’s definitely not because mingi’s smile is as bright as the sun itself. 

the next time you see the aurora come into port, you swear to yourself you’ll do it this time. you’ll kidnap mingi, force hongjoong to come out so you can put his head on a silver platter

but it doesn’t happen. and the next time it doesn’t happen, either. 

and in the end, you have to accept that the reason you keep sabotaging the ship, trying to keep mingi in port as long as you can, is that you like his smile. way more than you actually should. 

some stupidly hopeful part of you tries to convince you that it’ll be fine, you can continue living like this

but another part of you knows lies never last

and a last part of you screams that you’re a disappointment to your family, falling in love with one of the pirates your parents have put a bounty on when that pirate probably doesn’t even love you back

he does, though. he really does

mingi loves the curve of your lips when you smile genuinely, when the clouds in your eyes disappear for a moment of pure, blessed happiness

he’s fallen in love with your mind, with your quick wit and light banter when you speak

for the past two trips on the ocean, mingi has dreamed of little more than holding you close and kissing you and he’d resolved to that, finally, when he came back this time

which is why his heart completely shatters when he finds you by the ship one dark night, carefully undoing some of the repairs he made just this morning

he never suspected it, but as he stands, watching you work, the pieces begin to click together

mingi isn’t stupid, after all - he knows you’re smart, knows you’re good with your hands, and you’ve also been extremely secretive about your past

even more secretive than he is about being a pirate.

you sense his presence when he gets closer before he even says anything and your hands freeze

for a moment, neither of you says anything

then mingi just lets out a cracked why?

you could lie. you consider it for a few frantic moments, mind working to conjure something credible 

but it’s mingi. it’s fucking song mingi, the pirate you’ve fallen in love with against every single one of your wishes

so the truth behind all of your lies spills out in one go

in the moonlight, you can see mingi’s eyes turn from confused and betrayed to even more betrayed

but what really drives it home is when you mention hongjoong, and how you were trying to use mingi to lure him out

mingi’s eyes turn angry for the first time since you’ve met him

because like i said, mingi doesn’t take kindly to anyone who tries to hurt those whom he cares about

like yeah, he cares about you, but hongjoong is his captain, the captain who’s saved mingi’s life multiple times, often at risk of his own

that’s when mingi’s eyes narrow and his expression turns cold

a chill runs down your back, a chill you’ve never felt before in his presence

and mingi tells you then and there that he better not see you ever again

because if he does, it won’t end well

you’re in the next town before you allow yourself to process anything that just happened, mainly because you know that if you try you’ll start crying

and that’s exactly what happens in a dark little tavern at the edge of the city

you cry over yourself, over losing mingi, over failing your stupid mission for stupid parents who were never going to accept you anyway

you cry because you hurt someone so pure of heart just for two cold aristocrats who didn’t give a shit

you cry because now you have no purpose in life - you’ve catered your entire existence to your parents, and they don’t even care

what’s the point of anything now?

back on the ship, mingi doesn’t cry. he just stares at the fading town as the aurora draws farther and farther from land

your story plays in his mind over and over again

he sympathizes for you, he really does - mingi isn’t cruel or heartless, he heard the desperation in your voice when you talked about your parents and he’s seen the clouds in your eyes firsthand

but it doesn’t change the fact that you’d sought him out with the intention of hurting his crew beyond repair

he tries to tell himself this as comfort, to reaffirm that he did the right thing by chasing you off

deep inside, though, even if he’s sure he did right

the pain of a broken heart and what could have been, he knows, will never fully go away.

wooyoung (ABS)

warnings: cursing, death, blood

before i start i’d like to preemptively apologize

probably should’ve done that before every other part too idk why i'm only doing it now

maybe it’s because this one is 3.4k long and the second longest is a mere 2.8k (fuck you san)

doesn’t matter i've done it please don’t come for me

wooyoung is a ball of pure sunshine aboard the ship. almost literally

sometimes shines a little too bright (ie he gets annoying), but without him, the crew would fall into darkness

but a light needs a source, doesn’t it? it doesn’t just spontaneously emit out of nowhere - fires need kindling, candles need wax, even the sun burns on fuel

and wooyoung’s fuel is you.

like i mentioned in san’s part, you and wooyoung are childhood friends. probably not quite as long as san and his partner - you met when you were a bit older, maybe just after you turned twelve or something, but that doesn’t mean your bond is any less strong

wooyoung remembers your first meeting very clearly - in fact, it’s one of his favorite memories

some older kids were pushing him around, and wooyoung was just trying to run away

he’d just broken free and was running off when a hand grabbed his wrist, dragging him behind an empty market stall, and another hand slapped over his mouth to muffle his cry of surprise

the older kids ran past, then stopped, looking confused, but when they couldn’t see wooyoung anywhere they just left

you finally let go of wooyoung and he turns around to look at you

and from then on, he swears you’re his savior

seriously, wooyoung thinks you’re literally the greatest fucking thing on this planet. might not act like it all the time because he’s a little shit, but you mean more to him than anything in the world

you don’t plan to get attached to him, not at first - you’re a little more standoffish, you told wooyoung you only helped him because you really hate the group of kids that was messing with him

but wooyoung attaches himself to you like a fucking limpet and as the months pass, you find you don’t mind. not at all. 

you’re both street orphans, pickpockets and all that - neither of you are in the orphanage (wooyoung just never ended up there, while you ran away early on) and you’ve both been alone for a long while, so it’s nice to have someone with whom you can trust your back

and as time goes on, you start thinking of wooyoung less as an ally and more as a friend, then less as a friend and more as someone you love

wooyoung, on the other hand, has been head over heels since day one - getting into your space, pressing stupid little kisses onto your dirty face even as you try to bat him away

but he obviously doesn’t make a move at first because he’s like fucking twelve and doesn’t understand what he feels, and when he grows older and figures it out, he refrains from doing too much (like kissing your lips) because you don’t seem to feel the same way

except you are an impatient fuck

so once you figure it out and more importantly, you figure wooyoung out, it takes less than a day for you to have him pressed up against a wall, kissing him with all the strength you can muster

when you pull away, lips swollen and eyes suddenly shy, wooyoung tries to crack a joke like wow, didn’t know i was that irresistible

you just smirk and say you’re the one who’s been staring at my lips day in, day out for the past several years, woo

oh yeah that’s when wooyoung knows you’re the one

(he does ask why the fuck you waited so long if you noticed everything over the past few years)

(the truth is you only really figured it out a few days ago, but you tell him you just wanted him to suffer)

(it cues a lot of angry whining and cute pouts even though he knows it’s a joke so what can you do but kiss him until he shuts up?)

anyway you and wooyoung more or less rule your small section of the streets

master pickpockets and all that, plus you know how to use a knife very well and wooyoung is adept at fighting with whatever the fuck happens to be nearby

you’ve got a good head on your shoulders and though you never truly lie, your reasonable-sounding words always have several layers of meaning, which is very useful in negotiations

meanwhile wooyoung is just really, really good at sliding out of sticky situations - you turn your head the other way for one second and he’s disappeared

people don’t really dare mess with either of you because they know that if one of you get hurt, the other will literally go out for blood

the same goes for yeosang - you met the quiet orphanage boy on one of the rare times he went outside, and everyone knows not to mess with him since he’s under your protection

this reputation precedes you, which is why you and wooyoung are very surprised when a tall, gangly looking dude comes into your little pocket of territory looking very lost

both of you immediately think this is someone good to pickpocket, or at least harangue for news - he’s clearly not from here

too bad mingi has a hongjoong on his side who is very worriedly looking for his tall lost repairman

and in the middle of you two getting up in mingi’s space, hongjoong appears, wielding a very scary-looking sword

both you and wooyoung know this is someone not to be messed with, but curiosity gets the better of you - who is this guy, why is he here, and why doesn’t he know to stay away?

instead of asking, though, you both run away fast enough that hongjoong doesn’t have to deal with you

the next day, though, when you see a familiar face with a familiar sword hanging around the market, you decide to tail him for a bit

turns out he’s a pirate, which is intriguing in and of itself - it also explains the unfamiliarity with the territory

but what’s even more intriguing is how he manages to defend himself against your knives all the while answering your peppered questions in the most evasive manner possible

in the end, hongjoong has you pinned against an alley wall, sword inches from your throat

he clearly expects you to start begging for your life

but you just laugh breathlessly and say - hey, i’ve got two friends who’ve got nothing left here, just like me. do you have an opening for three on your crew?

hongjoong thinks you’re joking but you’re dead serious. there’s nothing in this town, you’re sick and tired of pickpocketing people and protecting your little territory to no end - there’s no point to it all

you know wooyoung feels the same way. he’s so energetic, always looking for something new, and even though he doesn’t say anything, you know he’s itching to get out of here

yeosang might take a little convincing, but if you can prey correctly on his desire to visit the lands he’s only ever marked on maps, he’ll come too

hongjoong asks what you have to offer to his crew. you say a sharp tongue, resourceful fighters, a navigator

and most importantly, a source of light. 

(hongjoong doesn’t ask and you don’t elaborate on the last one, even though you can see a hint of confusion in his eyes)

he gives you two days to convince wooyoung and yeosang, if you don’t show up by then he’s setting sail

wooyoung is convinced almost immediately - his only qualm is seasickness, and you tell him he’ll get used to it

yeosang takes a little more effort, but with your persuasion skills, he agrees

and so the three of you join hongjoong’s crew

being a pirate isn’t as glorious as you originally thought it’d be - the first few weeks are just being seasick all the time, and there are fewer fights and less exploring than you’d like, more just running around and maintaining the ship

but the crew makes up for it more than tenfold

you and wooyoung have never really had family - just each other and then yeosang

but now that you’re with the crew, that sense of home you’ve only ever felt with woosang just multiplies

you love it on the ship. so does wooyoung

(he says it’s because there are so many hidden places where you can hide to kiss, but you think it’s because he has seonghwa to annoy now and not just you + yeosang)

both of you are on cloud nine, even with the nonstop work day in and day out

it’s all worth it when you can see the new cities, pilfer a little something in the marketplaces every now and then

life goes on like this - some crew members are lost and others join

you mourn for those gone, especially hongjoong’s partner, and you try to welcome the new members as best you can

(san is a tough nut to crack, but in the end, you and wooyoung are both happy that you kept at it long enough to see the results)

it’s a constant give or take - you know the ocean isn’t kind, know that the life of a pirate isn’t kind, and you’ve learned to live with it even though a piece of your heart breaks away with every crew member who falls

but then yeosang falls. literally. 

and wooyoung begins to fade away.

wooyoung feels his emotions deeply, he’s always known that - it’s what binds him so strongly to you and what bound him so strongly to yeosang

so when he fell during that battle, stabbed several times, and could only watch yeosang fall into the ocean from the crow’s nest - essentially yeosang’s home on the ship - 

wooyoung cries for hours after the battle, locked in your arms

and for once, even the knowledge that you’re by his side doesn’t seem to be enough to fill the void left by yeosang’s loss

the entire crew is experienced with their own types of loss, loss of partners and friends

but this is the first time wooyoung has felt it so deeply, like a knife carving out a hole in his chest

eventually, though, he recovers

it takes months, but he still has you. he still has san. he still has yeosang’s grieving friend, who might have become his partner had he lived, and he still has all of the crew

and you let him latch onto you whenever the void comes creeping on him again, because though wooyoung might be the light, you’re the source of fuel that keeps his sputtering flame burning

(guilt eats at you, too - you’re the one who convinced yeosang to join the crew, after all. but wooyoung calls it bullshit - you’re not at fault, not at all, yeosang understood what he was risking - and when he latches onto you, you take your own comfort in the warmth of his arms)

life goes on after the battle and yeosang’s death. wooyoung takes a long time to recover from his injuries and you’re by his side the entire way

but then san gets kidnapped and wooyoung almost goes off the deep end again - he can’t lose another friend

thankfully, san returns, so wooyoung doesn’t lose himself completely

but he begins to fear the disappearance or death of one of those whom he loves even more than he used to

as time goes on, he realizes he might not be able to handle the life of a pirate - he cares too deeply, too much, losing the people he cares for is breaking him slowly, bit by bit

you ask him what’s wrong one day and he spills all of this to you, sobbing

the next day you ask hongjoong to leave you and wooyoung at the next port - you can’t be on the crew anymore

hongjoong asks why, but when you explain he doesn’t even hesitate to nod and thanks you for your service

he does say that he’ll miss the source of light on his ship, the light and its kindling, but if this is what you and wooyoung really want, then it’s what he’ll give you

wooyoung feels a guilty sense of relief when you bring him back the news - he’s relieved that you two are going to leave, but there’s also the guilt of taking you away from a life that you enjoy

but you remind him that he’s your life. wooyoung is everything to you, and if he isn’t happy, you’re not going to be happy, no matter what

so it’s settled that you two will split off from the crew at the next port, which you’ll reach after a few weeks of sailing, maybe

you reach the port and are ready to part ways, saying goodbye to the rest of the crew

the aurora is staying in port for a couple of days for repairs, and you and wooyoung decide to stick around for at least the night before you go off

you go on a walk that night with him, darkened streets lit up by evenly spaced torches and lanterns

which is why you see the other ship pull into port with a navy seal on its side. and your blood freezes. 

with one look, you and wooyoung are racing off to where you know the crew of the aurora is staying because you have to warn them

hongjoong looks grim. there’s a fight, it’s going to be inevitable, and you can feel wooyoung tensing up next to you

your former captain says you don’t have to fight if you don’t want to, you’re technically not part of the crew anymore

but one look between you and wooyoung settles it. one last battle to help the family that took you in

the battle is in the dark, bloody and brutal and made even worse by the fact that you can’t see the rivers of blood flowing down the streets - it’s all a mess of sticky black that your feet leave tracks in on the roads

you and wooyoung are back to back with san, the three of you fighting to the last

until there’s finally an opening and you manage to escape into a little alley

except the alley ends in a wall. a wall tall enough to climb over, maybe, but wooyoung has a wound in his stomach and san’s bleeding out of his side and you’ve got injuries of your own so you’re wholly, completely fucked

as several naval soldiers appear at the end of the alley, all you can think is how you and wooyoung were supposed to have gone off today, were supposed to have left to find a more stable life together

but at the same time, you know that if you hadn’t stayed for the night, your crew, your family, might not have gotten enough warning to save at least a few of their lives

wooyoung is starting to wheeze behind you. san doesn’t look much better, and you feel like you’re going to collapse

there are four soldiers standing in front of you, and there’s no shred of uncertainty in your mind when you think we’re not going to survive this

except - maybe if you can buy yourselves some time - 

your eyes light on one of the torches on the side of the alley and a really dumb plan springs into your mind

you spring forward, ignoring wooyoung’s cry, and snatch up the still-burning torch

with a prayer that the ground is flammable, you hurl the torch in front of you 

and thankfully, a flame begins to burn

you turn around and start helping wooyoung boost san over the wall

wooyoung is about to go next, grasping san’s hands - you go to help push him up

but then metal flashes in corner of your eye and you have to whirl away, dropping wooyoung to dodge the sword that came a hair’s breadth within slicing the skin off your cheek

how the soldier got past the fire, you have no idea - it’s still burning

maybe they got over it when it was still low

but then there are two shadows, not just one, both with blades flashing

and you know with a stark certainty that both you and wooyoung are going to die if you don’t get up that wall immediately

the problem is, there isn’t enough time to get both of you up - one is going to be slashed to pieces by the time it’s their turn

but one of you...

you block one of the blades and send the soldier crashing to the ground. the other is farther away and for one split second, you lock eyes with them

there’s enough light to see your smirk

give me a moment here, will you? you say

then you turn around and kiss wooyoung on the mouth. 

it’s a brief kiss, barely longer than a second, but it’s all you have time for before you bodily lift wooyoung as much as you can so that san can reach him, arms pulling him up

san acts on reflex - he doesn’t realize what you’re planning just yet and neither does wooyoung

but they sure as hell figure it out when you duck under the second soldier’s swipe and begin fighting, despite the blood streaming from your face and body

in the background, you can hear wooyoung screaming and no doubt he’s thrashing around in san’s grip

but it’s all you can do to focus on the fight at hand - two against one with the one injured isn’t fair, but since when has the navy played fair?

you notice the sword flashing down at your side. you notice it, but you’re not fast enough

white hot pain bursts below your rib cage and you fall to your knees, blades clattering from your hands

another explosion of pain enters your back and you let out a scream of agony, collapsing to the ground

wooyoung watches you fall in the moonlight, red and black blood pooling beneath you

and only then does he stop thrashing in san’s hold

because he’s crying too hard, too hard to see or do anything but let a silently crying san carry him away

san takes him back to the ship where hongjoong manages to set sail in record time, leaving the navy behind

wooyoung doesn’t even move from where san has laid him on the floorboards - the only sign he’s still alive are his eyes, deadened eyes that track the land they’ve left behind, growing smaller and smaller in the distance

the land that holds your body

the body he’ll never see again.

several hours pass. someone’s moved him into the medbay, wooyoung doesn’t know who because all he can see is you collapsing to the ground over and over again, dark blood flowing endlessly from your wounds

tears build up behind his eyes again and he wants to scream, scream how nothing is fair, nothing is fucking fair, he was the one who wanted a new life that wasn’t that of a pirate and you were just going along with it but now he’s still alive and on the same fucking pirate ship he wanted to leave in the first place 

and he’s lost both of his childhood friends, first yeosang to the waves and now you to the navy

with this loss, wooyoung is grasping his will to live by a mere thread

and he isn’t even sure he wants to hang on any longer.

there is no sun aboard the aurora anymore, at least not in the form of jung wooyoung

because once a fire’s fuel is gone, it can no longer burn

and wooyoung’s fuel is out.

jongho (ABS)

warnings: cursing, death, blood

ah yes jongho stronk boy

when i listed the best fighters i bet you were expecting me to put him in there too

but what i meant by best fighters is best sword fighters

see, jongho is extremely good at fighting and has the arms to prove it

however, his skills don’t solely lie in swords - hongjoong/yunho/san are better than him there - but he will fight with whatever the fuck else happens to also be around him

mingi sometimes likes to bring up that one time there was an enemy pirate fighting next to him and jongho just picked him up, swung him, and knocked out a second enemy pirate right then and there

so yeah. that’s jongho. well-rounder extraordinaire

no one knows how the fuck he’s so good at everything and at this point most of the crew is afraid to ask

but anyway let’s talk about the back story a little shall we

unlike most of the others, jongho has parents that he remembers and as far as he knows are still alive

however that does not mean he likes them

they weren’t abusive, exactly - they just were never around and when they were, jongho mostly got ignored or ordered around to do stuff like cook dinner or fucking whatever

so that’s what he suffers through for most of his childhood

during that time, he learns how to be pretty self-sufficient - he’s the one who takes care of himself, after all

he learns to cook, clean, etc.

but most importantly he learns to repair things, like the house

he gets really good at it too, to the point that people start hiring him to help them with fixing their shit

which is how hongjoong finds him

well, more accurately, yunho finds him

the aurora has docked in jongho’s town after a long storm and the ship has a lot of damage that’s going to take mingi a lot of time to fix

so yunho sets out to find someone who they can hire to help mingi out

he asks around and everyone recommends jongho, so yunho goes to find him. after losing his partner in that storm, hongjoong is in no shape to leave the ship, san is still recovering from injuries and guilt, and seonghwa’s busy tending to the crew members and making sure they don’t fall apart

when jongho answers the knock on his door, yunho is like ???? at first because what the fuck this guy can’t even be older than him - is he really that good at fixing things??

tbh yunho was expecting some middle aged man with massive muscles or something

but jongho’s staring at him like wtf do you want and yunho remembers he actually has a purpose here plus jongho does have really big muscles even if he isn’t middle aged so he’s like hi i heard you’re jongho can you help us fix our ship we’ll pay you

and what’s jongho gonna do? say no? 

so he works with mingi for the best part of a couple of months, fixing up the aurora

and during that time, he meets the rest of the crew, who come and go

jongho gets to know them and he grows to like them - he used to be a pretty solitary person, but it’s really impossible to stay that way after meeting one jung wooyoung and his partner

even after he puts it together that they’re pirates, he still likes them

jongho isn’t stupid, it’s pretty obvious after working with mingi for a couple of weeks - they talk of treasure and travels when they think he doesn’t hear

but really, jongho doesn’t care too much - pay is pay, no matter who it comes from

and really, pirates can’t be much worse than the greedy nobles and aristocrats who run his city, right? their illegal acts are just blatant and out in the open, while the aristocracy try to keep their wrongdoings under wraps

he does ask mingi about it one day - why he decided to join the crew of the aurora

after the initial spluttering of we’re not pirates, cueing jongho’s deadpan expression that has mingi immediately quailing, mingi tells jongho more or less his story of joining the crew

maybe a few embellishments because yknow it’s mingi and we love him for it

and jongho listens carefully. his story is a little similar to mingi’s, actually, even if he knows his parents and was never at an orphanage

they were both alone, they both learned to do repair work...

that night, jongho lies awake in bed in his empty house, thinking about what mingi said

as they continue working, jongho prods mingi for more and more stories about the crew and their adventures, and though he visibly shies away from some topics (major fights and major storms, particularly the one that drove them into this port), mingi tells jongho enough for him to see that hongjoong’s crew isn’t immoral. far from it, really

there’s no explaining away the battles and murder and pillaging, but as far as jongho is concerned, at least they’re upfront about it

nobility does the same shit, they just prefer to call murder “the hanging of criminals” and pillaging “taxes”

and jongho is tired of both

after about a month or a month and a half, he decides to himself that he wants to join the aurora

so he asks mingi one day how hongjoong might feel if jongho wanted to join the crew

he doesn’t know hongjoong, he’s only caught maybe a glimpse or two of the captain because he’s been grieving this whole time, which is why he goes to mingi first

mingi tells him to come back the next day, he’ll see if seonghwa can better answer that question as the second in command since hongjoong is still out

seonghwa takes a liking to jongho almost immediately, and the feeling is mutual

even just minutes after meeting, seonghwa gives jongho the sense that he truly cares for him in a way that jongho really hasn’t felt before, not even from his own parents

so the deal is settled and after the repair job is finished, jongho returns to his small home to pack up his stuff. the next day, he’s sailing into the open ocean without looking back

like almost every other new crew member, jongho gets seasick for the first few weeks he isn’t on land

meaning he stays in the medbay more often than he’d like to

but it’s fine - because that’s where he meets you

you’re the ship’s doctor. relatively new since the last doctor was killed in battle maybe half a year ago, but wooyoung was lucky enough to befriend you, an apothecarist’s apprentice, in one of the towns the aurora docked in 

you come from a town that’s a safe zone of sorts for pirates - the locals are friendly if wary, and pirates don’t get into fights on your land

it’s a pretty decent existence if you ignore the fact that royalty/nobles would have all of your heads if they could find definitive proof that your town likes to harbor criminals, but people keep their mouths shut here so it doesn’t happen

however, as decent as this existence is, you got a bit of the short end of the stick

your parents died after you were apprenticed to the apothecarist, leaving you with no nearby relatives or places to stay other than the orphanage or the apothecary

and the orphanage in your town majorly sucks so you just opted to stay at the apothecary

except the apothecarist is not a good human being. major leech. creepy. you hated being around him any more than necessary

which means you learned everything as fast as you could just so you could stay away and look after customers on your own

and when the opportunity to use your skills elsewhere came up, you barely hesitated before telling wooyoung please get me the fuck out of here

only thing that made you balk was the possibility of death on the seas, but you’re young and naive and when you’re at that age, you feel like you’re invincible - therefore you brush it off

plus, everyone dies eventually, right?

you’re the new blood for several months until jongho joins the crew

and because he’s the new guy now, you take it upon yourself to familiarize him with how the ship and the crew work while he’s currently bedridden

it gives him something to focus on other than the rolling sea beneath him

and it’s nice to talk to someone who’s just mildly sick and not bleeding to fucking death

even after jongho gets better, he continues to spend a lot of his free time in the medbay because he likes being around you. your voice is soothing and somewhere in the back of his mind, he probably associates it with care and comfort, given how you treated him during those first few weeks

slowly but surely, you grow closer and closer

you’re the one jongho goes to when he feels a little stifled, too used to independence on land and unfamiliar with the teamwork that comes with being part of a crew

and you like to talk to him when you’re exhausted after treating wound after wound after wound after a harsh storm or bloody battle

it feels like you understand him, no matter what, and jongho does his best to lend you a listening ear as well - it’s the least he can do

you feel comforting, but in a different way from the rest of the crew

like yeah, seonghwa’s comforting in that mother sort of way, hongjoong has that tired dad vibe where jongho knows he can go to him with whatever, and the rest of ateez are like older brothers he knows he can trust

but there’s something different about you

he figures it out, of course, because jongho isn’t dumb or clueless - but he is a little afraid of being so attached to you

because what if he loses you? then what happens?

he tries to go to seonghwa to talk about it because he’s genuinely so scared

but seonghwa’s not in his room and instead, a tired-looking hongjoong catches jongho in the hallway knocking on seonghwa’s door and asks what he needs from hwa

jongho is slightly nervous because he hasn’t spoken that much to joong, or at least not as much as some of the other crew - after all, he joined the crew when hongjoong was still in grieving and has only really been talking to him for a few months

and by now he knows what happened to hongjoong’s partner in the storm - the same storm that wrought the damage on the aurora that jongho helped repair

so he isn’t sure if it’s a good idea to talk to joong about it

but hongjoong presses him a little, saying that hwa is dealing with some other stuff at the moment and that jongho can talk to joong if he wants

so in a fit of recklessness (he’s also been holding it in for kind of a while, he needs to talk), jongho spills it in hongjoong’s office

and hongjoong goes silent. 

jongho regrets his entire existence during the few minutes of silence and he’s opening his mouth to apologize and take his leave

but hongjoong talks first

and he says to go for it. 

you can’t live your life in fear of what might happen, especially when it comes to love

losing love hurts, but the memories you make are worth the pain

hongjoong’s eyes look haunted, but there’s a faint smile on his face that jongho somehow knows isn’t faked - his words are the truth

and he takes them as comfort when he goes to talk to you later about how he feels

turns out you’ve felt the same way for a while, but you didn’t think the feelings were reciprocated so you didn’t say anything, just kept caring for him in the ways you know best

you talk the entire night about what this means for the two of you, and it ends with you and jongho holding each other on one of the medbay beds, curled into the other’s warmth

it turns out to be a blessing that jongho talked to hongjoong about this and not someone else

mingi/yunho/san don’t have partners on the ship, while wooyoung and his partner have been together for literally forever - getting together was barely a decision for them, more like the only logical path to follow

seonghwa would’ve been good to talk to, probably - he lost his partner (at this point he still thinks they’re dead) and would’ve said something similar to hongjoong 

he still wears the ring, after all

but the talk with hongjoong breaks down that last wall between him and jongho, and they grow closer

which is something jongho really appreciates, because hongjoong is as dependable as seonghwa and another figure jongho can now trust

life goes on - it gets better for jongho, actually, what with you and finally growing close to every member of the crew

he loves sword fighting practice and delights in terrorizing his crew members during mock fights by using whatever happens to be nearby, not just his sword

he also loves sitting with you on deck and breaking an apple in half, wordlessly handing one part to you and keeping the other for himself, all the while staring at the clouds during the day or the stars at night

just being near you makes jongho instantly feel not safer, but more comforted

because jongho’s in as much danger as he always was, he knows that

but having you close by makes him feel more able to handle that danger.

at least, until yeosang dies. 

jongho watches him being flung off the crow’s nest and into the water, never to resurface

watches his partner race to the railing and scream until their throat goes raw and the screams die to begging wails

the scene replays itself in his head again and again after the battle is over

only instead of it being yeosang flung through the air, it’s you

which doesn’t make sense. you’re the doctor, you stay belowdecks during fights and have never ventured into the crow’s nest as far as he knows

but suddenly jongho is confronted with the very real fear that you could die any second

he knew that before, but like you, he was young and reckless and thought himself invincible

now, though, he knows what could happen

and it worries him. you’re not the worst at fighting on the ship, you can defend yourself pretty well, but you don’t have have as much experience as even mingi because 1. you’ve been on the ship for less time, and 2. you don’t go above decks during fights - you stay in the medbay with someone designated to protect you. a ship’s doctor is valuable, after all

your instincts are to heal, not to destroy, and that terrifies jongho

it gets even worse after wooyoung loses his partner and jongho sees the shell that he’s become

jongho didn’t see it happen, but san tells him and seonghwa several days later, eyes haunted as he tries to describe the sight of wooyoung’s partner jerking under the blades, wooyoung going limp as a rag doll as they fell, san being forced to bring basically a corpse back to the ship - the only reason he knew wooyoung himself wasn’t dead was because of the tears running down his face

the story cuts deep into jongho’s heart - wooyoung’s partner was a very good fighter, far better than you, and even they were lost

what if it was you, not them?

jongho decides it’s better to be paranoid than to do nothing and he trains you harder, asking san/yunho/hongjoong to help

you notice the change in his demeanor but don’t question it - after all, you’re wrestling with similar thoughts to his

you confide to him during long nights with you two curled up together on one of the infirmary beds and jongho talks, too

neither of you wants to end this, and you both agree that ending it won’t do much, anyway - you still live on the same ship together, and breaking apart will only hurt you two more

but jongho wishes there was something he could do about this constant fear that he’s going to lose you

wooyoung is still a shell of his former self - jongho doesn’t know if he’d become the same way if you died, and he doesn’t want to test it out

he tries to ignore the fear, to just enjoy every day with you like it’s his last

pressing his lips to yours always makes him feel a little better, anyway

the fear never goes away, though - it’s almost like something is warning him that he will soon suffer the same fate as wooyoung and his partner

jongho ignores it. prays to every higher being he knows that you’ll be safe and extends his prayers to those he doesn’t even know

but prayers don’t work when fate has already decided its path. 

the battle comes quickly, and jongho is thrown into the fray, incapacitating as many navy members as he can

he’s so focused on the fight to see the two navy soldiers going belowdecks

because nobody goes belowdecks. the fight stays on top of the ship, only when the ship is being pillaged after the fight do they go below to see what’s there

but since when have naval officers played fair?

jongho has just stabbed an enemy soldier when he hears the muffled yell through the floorboards

a yell of fear, familiar yet unfamiliar at the same time because he knows the voice, but he’s never heard it so frightened

no one has ever seen jongho move that fast. he crashes through the throng of individual battles, earning himself a scrape in the side and several cut ons his arms, but in the moment, he doesn’t feel any of the stinging pain

he crashes belowdecks and freezes for a second at the sight of a dead crew member on the floor, the crew member who was assigned to guard you during this battle

and in that frozen moment, he realizes that there’s no screaming anymore. 

jongho throws himself into the medbay

and the first thing he registers is the blood all over the floor.

grief pulls a desperate cry from his lips

the soldiers turn around

and jongho doesn’t know what happens next.

when his mind catches up to the present, jongho’s throat is raw and two naval officers are dead at his feet, their blood seeping into the floorboards, almost ripped apart

but he can’t even take sick satisfaction in that

because no matter how much navy blood he spills, you will still be gone

dead

your blood staining the medbay floors

jongho falls to his knees - blood soaks into his pants, your blood or the officers’ blood, he doesn't have any fucking clue

all he knows is that you’re dead, gone forever the way he always feared

and no amount of blood he spills will ever bring you back.

If you enjoyed, please don’t forget to reblog and leave a comment to tell me what you thought! Thank you for reading and have a lovely day <3

(1 reblog = 1 prayer for me these parts were so much longer than they should’ve been I think I’m going insane)

[out-of-this-dimension]

Hypothetically Rewriting Assault’s Story + Some General Assault Opinions

There’s a game my husband and I like to play when we watch a movie, play a game, or read a book that has a story that we don’t really enjoy or we enjoy certain parts of but not others.  We look at things we’d keep and things we’d change and we build a story from there-- sort of like an AU but we don’t really go into the writing part, we just stick to theorizing and mapping a general story.

I decided to play that game with Star Fox.�� Not because I think Star Fox has a bad story but because sometimes I think the stories could have been handled better.  Note: for the rewrite game, I only really look at story, even for video games, I don’t really look at gameplay mechanics, but I do understand those have a lot to do with story potential so I do take it in as a factor... I just don’t bother to “rewrite” the mechanics, if that makes any sense at all.  Some of my list today will include boss encounters but I wouldn’t necessarily say those are mechanic-related... more like “event-related”.

I’ve mused a bit in the past about rewriting Adventures and Command and I do have plans to do a mock up of an Adventures remake eventually.  However, today I was thinking about how I would go about handling an Assault re-write in particular.  Much like Command and Adventures, I don’t have any beef with the core story but I do think there’s a few things that could’ve been better about Assault’s storyline-- like they had good ideas rolling but they didn’t quite refine them.

Under the cut because SUPER long.

My basic feelings on Assault are pretty positive.  I think the game is generally just fun and I like that it feels like the natural progression from SF64.  I liked getting to see planets we haven’t seen since the N64 era in better graphics and I liked seeing Star Wolf return.  I also just thought the aparoids were neat enemies. 

Generally speaking, though, when it comes to Assault, I think it suffers from the thing it tries to push the most-- the story.  I think a lot of people get caught up in thinking the story is better than it is because it’s the first game since SF64 that really follows the same Star Fox vibe without retelling the Lylat Wars.  Don’t get me wrong, the overall plot is great but the execution and pacing are... wonky.  Certain characterizations also take a hit in some regards but no one really talks about that when Command exists. That’s something we’ll talk about later on with this post.

That being said, Assault really does have a lot good going for it.  An absolute banger of a soundtrack, some great dialogue, a neat story synopsis, the introduction of cool characters like Panther and Beltino (who existed but was always off-screen), and just good levels.  

So, here’s what I would add, I suppose, if I were to somehow have the ability to rewrite Assault.  Originally I had this in paragraph form, but I’ve made it into more of a list under topic segments with main points bolded for your viewing pleasure.  Some of these points might be considered nitpicky and while I do understand that yes, this is a game about space animals, I do hold the developers in high enough regard to make a game with a continuity that makes sense.

The Story Changes

- Reduce Pigma’s storyline in Assault.  This is the biggest one for me because a bulk of the plotline feels like a giant chase to just get at Pigma and it feels like it derails from the actual plot with the aparoids.  We only go to Sargasso because of Pigma.  We only go to Fichina and then back to Meteo again, because of Pigma.  That’s 3 levels in a 10 level game devoted to just tracking down Pigma and chasing him.  While it makes the build up to fighting Pigma kind of nice, I personally feel like the plot could be reduced to 2 levels.  If Assault overall was a longer game, I could see them making it 3 levels.  Overall, though, in its current state, I feel like the side plot overstays its welcome and the aparoids promptly get shoved to the side in favor of “Oh no, we gotta get to Pigma!” And I get the main motive here is to show how the aparoids affect people and because of the build up, it does a good job at showing how utterly terrifying the aparoids are.  But it’s still too long given the length of Assault’s story. The only alternative to this is make Assault longer, which... honestly, it should be.  

- Revise the scene with Tricky.  I’m obviously not well-versed in dinosaur biology but I’m pretty sure dinos didn’t grow that fast from what studying I HAVE done.  And why is he suddenly king now?  Did his parents die?  He seems not affected by this at all?  Like it’s a funny scene with him, Fox, and Krystal, but it’s odd if you really look at it.  Give us, as players, more context because I’m still not even sure what happened to make Tricky suddenly the leader and... big.  As a note, you’re gonna hear me gripe a lot about the Sauria level in this post.

- The Star Wolf + Peppy sacrifice is a low effort way to raise tension/stakes and then cop out.  Oldest trick in the book, imo, is to act like you’re going to kill off important characters only for them to be alive miraculously.  And let’s face it, as an audience we all know they aren’t going to kill those characters because it’s Nintendo and those characters are too beloved.  I would’ve forgiven them for only doing this with Peppy or Star Wolf, but when you tack them both together and throw in the fact they make it seem like you’re going to have to kill General Pepper too... yeah, it’s just a bit much of the same trope over and over again.  I wanted to put a note in here about how I’m fine with the Great Fox being “sacrificed” but overall, it needed to return to the series because of it’s icon status, but I think that’s more of a gripe at Command instead of Assault.

- Keep Pigma alive.  This will conflict with a point I have later on about the game consistently having characters cheat death for easy drama points but with Pigma, I would’ve kept him fully alive... but maybe with some physical damage from the aparoids.  I understand he’s semi-alive in Command and tbh I don’t know where I stand on that.  Why keep Pigma alive, you might ask?  I feel like his character has a lot more potential than being “just the greedy guy”.  Like he’s got good potential future villain material for future games and... if I’m honest?  I just don’t see Nintendo wanting to keep Pigma dead so why even bother killing him off?  They couldn’t even commit to him being dead in Command anyways so it seems very moot.

- Bring Bill and Katt back.  Assault is acts a bit like a big reunion of all of our SF64 favorites but our two favorite side characters are suspiciously missing.  Wouldn’t Bill be out on the front lines fighting against Andrew in the beginning?  Or maybe back in Katina?  And wouldn’t Katt inevitably show up in the midst of the invasion, maybe to pointedly check in on Falco?

- Bring Andrew back for the final fight. I think Andrew being defeated early into the game is fine overall but I think bringing him back in for a reunion final fight against the aparoids would serve to really solidify that it’s really everyone vs the invading aparoid force.  It would show that not only is Star Wolf willing to put aside their differences but so is basically everyone in the Lylat System in the name of survival.  Imagine the Venomians and Cornerians working together against an aparoid fleet, giving Star Fox and Star Wolf time to attack the queen?  I just think it’d be neat and it’d open up the potential for some fun banter mid-mission.  I do understand that quite a few people consider Andrew canonically dead after Assault but personally, I feel that his defeat left his fate questionable (I’m a staunch believer that unless there’s a body, they’re probably alive, especially for Nintendo games because, again, they never like to kill people off) so him returning in Command never really bothered me.  

- In general, reconsider some of the character portrayals.  Unfortunately, when a series has a different studio for each game, character portrayals will inevitably have inconsistencies.  While I give Namco a lot of credit for putting in oodles and oodles of detail into the game (particularly the levels), I think they failed in their portrayal of Fox, at the least, and Wolf is a considerable offender as well.  While it’s obvious that Fox in Adventures was effectively modeled off of Sabre even in terms of personality, Rareware was at least able to justify Fox’s newfound jaded attitude with the passing of many years and a distinct lack of steady income, resulting in the team being in disarray.  Assault’s Fox is a stark contrast to his cynical interpretation with seemingly no explanation other than maybe “Oh, I have more money and a gf, maybe I should behave myself”.  As if the sudden change in personality wasn’t random, Fox also just seems very blah, like a blank slate stereotypical shooter game protagonist dude with little to no emotion.  Wolf is less obvious but gets slated into a mentor-like role midway through the game and ends up in a respectful rivalry with Fox... which there’s nothing inherently wrong with that except for it happening abruptly (and, I mean, Peppy is right there).  But I take less issue with this and more of an issue with the fact that there’s an entire level establishing that Wolf now runs a crime den with effectively what seems to be an army and no one bats an eye at this.  He doesn’t even call on them to help with the aparoids.  Did they all die when the aparoids attacked Meteo?  Are they safe somewhere else?  Where do they go?  How was Sargasso able to operate without the CDF being on their doorstep with warrants for arrests?

- Don’t kill all the dinosaurs.  A bit of a dramatic statement but the ending screen that showed all the damage to Sauria really bothered me.  While I understand that the dinosaurs had less of a chance against the aparoids than a more technology-focused society like Corneria, I was a bit disappointed that the decision was made to just state that a lot of tribes had been wiped out.  I know this could easily be retconned in a future game and I feel like it should be.  “But why, Amalia?  Why are you disappointed by that?”  1) It’s a little too grimdark for my tastes.  2) The fact it all happened off-screen felt very hand-wavy.  And 3) It brings into question the entire point of Adventures.  Why did we bother to save this planet if it was going to be reduced to rubble and ash 1 year later?  Where were the Krazoa in all of this?  Why did they not make an appearance at all to try to stop the invasion with their alleged powers?  It just raises too many weird questions and I feel like Namco didn’t think it through too much.  Which I mean, sure.  Family, kiddo game.  I’m not asking for bigbrain plot and lore but I’m squinting at this bit because it does feel very contrary to the lore from the previous game.

- Make the aparoids more relevant.  As nice as it is to have a random bad guy from another galaxy, I feel like there was more that could be done with the aparoids in terms of their origins.  Tiny things, mind you, not huge revelations.  Off the top of my head, they could have been tied into Krystal’s backstory to help alleviate some of the complaints that she was too random to be added to the series’ main cast.  Alternatively, they could have been a product of Andross or even a weapon prototype from Corneria that fled the lab (I actually thought the game was leaning in that direction for a bit then just Nothing Happened).  I get that the vagueness of their origins leaves room for people to speculate and speculation is nice but... when you leave too many things unknown, it starts to feel less like giving fans room to interpret and more like just doing random things for the sake of it.  I think a lore tidbit here or there would work wonders for the aparoids instead of leaving them as just borg/zerg clones.

Level-Based Changes

- Add either Aparoid RedEye or Aparoid General Scales as a boss to Sauria.  Given that this level mysteriously lacks a boss, which is just weird compared to the other levels, I think that they had the opportunity to add something cool to go along with the cinematic feel they were going for with Assault.  Assault’s cutscenes do play in a movie-like fashion and it’s clear they’re trying to make the game as epic as possible.  It’s a shame they had so much fodder for a great boss here but they failed to go through with it.  Alternatively: Add a Krazoa-Aparoid fusion.  Why?  Because Star Fox is about cool epic sci-fi and that would be cool epic sci-fi incarnate.

- Add a boss to the Aparoid Homeworld Level, aka the penultimate level.  Another one I felt was personally weird that there was no “final defense system” to challenge the team.  Would be cool to do an aerial battle over the aparoid planet with some giant flying aparoid.

- Be kinder to Sauria.  The level had some good homages but overall was incredibly small and incredibly short.  It felt like a bone tossed to Adventures fans but was not entirely true to the setting built by Rareware.  I’m... not even sure where the Sauria level is supposed to take place?  I presume it’s Walled City but it doesn’t really have the same color scheme or aesthetic?  Also where is my revised Adventures music?  Why do all the other levels get it but Sauria doesn’t? 

- Put some of those funky items from the multiplayer into the main campaign.  I don’t know why some of these things, items especially, were omitted unless it was purely due to time constraints.  I remember having missile launchers and jetpacks in the multiplayer and was a bit sad that they were not in the main campaign.  Retuning the levels and adding those in would be a nice breath of fresh air for the more tedious on-foot missions.

- More levels.  Self-explanatory.  Still sad we didn’t get the Zoness or Titania levels in the single-player mode.  

I think all of the above changes would improve the game, though I recognize all of this is being said 16 years later after lots of time to contemplate Assault’s weaker points.  I’m not entirely certain how long Star Fox Assault took to develop but given that there’s obviously quite a bit scrapped from the game (an entire arcade mode was scrapped as well), I’m going to assume that the studio felt pressured to shove the game out the door and into the hands of customers.  It’s a shame, really, because I think a little bit longer in the oven would have done a lot of good.  Still, the product we got was good in its own right and a game that many people look back on fondly.  I haven’t gotten to replay it in years but I hope to quite soon.

You might wonder why I bothered typing this all out and I guess my point was this-- Assault was great but it wasn’t perfect, and while a lot of other games fall under a crushing amount of scrutiny, Assault seems to dodge it.  And don’t get me wrong-- I adore Assault.  But given that not many takes exist out there about rewriting it, I decided to give it a shot.  For variety’s sake.  

I do want to a mock up of a revised Assault story, which I think I will get to work on after completing this while all my ideas are still fresh in mind.  So stay tuned for that sometime in the near future.  I will also be doing my Adventures mock up at some point but probably not for a little bit as I do wanna focus some of my free time on actual fic-writing.

Anyways, if you stuck around this long, thank you for reading!  Have any changes you’d like to see to Assault if you could time machine your way back to the early 2000s?  Feel free to post in the comments, I’d love to read your ideas!

[joshslater]

Bulk Bucket

Similar stories and bonus material on my Patreon.

"Time's up, Parker" Ronan Parker felt a firm grip on his arm from someone who had walked up behind him and was now steering him. It was Seth Dale from the football team, though Ronan could never remember what position he played. Sport wasn't a big part of his life, and while he knew most of the players, it was mostly to keep up with the latest gossip. He had been big before the summer, but now he was huge. What had he been up to?

"Good news, Parker. We are going to help each other out." Ronan looked to his other side and saw Nigel Wilkinson, running back on the team. He too was way bigger than before. Had they been working out together over the summer? "Yeah," Seth continued, "we asked around, and everyone agreed we wanted you."

They flanked him on either side and walked him around the corner, away from the library he was heading to. "Christina started to call Brennan by the name you came up with, Brawnan. He really wanted you to help us out" Ronan felt a pit in his guts. Wherever this march ended, it would be payback time. Not being athletic enough for any of the teams, or had enough patience to really shine academically, he'd used his street smarts and social skills to be an authoritative voice on who was cool and who was a joke in the school. The jocks had decidedly been on his shit-list. Not because he really disliked them, he didn't know them, but because it was easy to come up with jokes and every other guy, and many of the girls, would happily join in for their own reasons. Some were envious, some rejected the patriarchal idolization, and some were just getting even after years of getting bullied. But now the tax was due.

Ronan didn't even try to resist. Outrun the running back? Even shake out of Seth's grip would be a feat. They exited the main building and walked towards the sports center. Ronan went through hazings he could recall and started to put them in order of suck. Tied to the flag pole would be preferable to being suspended and used as a punching bag. What about stuffed in a locker with smelly training gear? Probably depends on what gear and the size of the locker. He wasn't that big, so he could fit in all the new ones. "You're awfully silent all of a sudden," Nigel said as we crossed the concrete square outside the main building. "You don't have a new joke for us? The one about beef broth was hilarious to some." Ronan remained silent, thinking that was probably the sane thing to do. "Hey, what about the meatloaf one? People used it for weeks," Seth chipped in.

Nigel opened the doors for them, all the way to their locker room. Inside it was the entire team waiting. The moment they entered the happy banter instantly died down to silence as they walked into the room. Ronan got a shock seeing them. He recognized them all, of course, but the muscles they all packed on during the summer was unreal. Impossible even. The room was quite big, but somehow it felt very cramped with a whole football team's worth of large bodies around him. All had gym clothes on, of more or less revealing kinds. The air was damp and there was a smell of sweat and testosterone in the air. All eyes were on him, but he couldn't make out their expressions. It ranged anywhere from triumphant to muted. Jonathan walked up to Nigel with a protein drink shaker. "All there, freshly squeezed" The shaker was milky white plastic, almost opaque, with a dark, green-tinted liquid inside. Nigel gave it a few shakes. It looked to be about two cups of something sloshing around in it.

"Ok, anyone not ready?" Seth asked the room. There was a second of silence. "Let's begin then." Nigel handed over the shaker to Ronan. "Drink up, funny boy". Ronan's mind was racing. What was in the shaker? Were they trying to get him drunk, or to shit himself? He knew one thing, it would be pointless to struggle surrounded by what looked like a spartan army. Hesitantly he opened the cap, put the opening to his lips, and began to sample its contents. It was sour, it was bitter, it was salty, it was sweet, but more than anything it tested of herbs. Like someone had made a herbal smoothie with whatever they found in their garden, plus lime. "Hurry up, all of it" The liquid wasn't as thick as a smoothie, but it wasn't just water either. Ronan emptied the shaker faster, shaking out the last drops at the end as a pretend front of courage. Almost immediately a loud groan came from his intestines. Then another one. "What's that? I didn't really hear you," Seth joked, and got a murmur of laughter from the team.

Ronan felt clammy and sweaty, like the first signs of food poisoning. Apparently it showed as well, as Seth continued "Not feeling well, you say? You should take a seat." Ronan was showed down unto one of the benches by several hands. He was feeling dizzy. "It's working. Get the stone" someone said. From behind someone tied a leather strap with a stone pendant around his neck. Ronan just wanted to take a hot shower, maybe throw up, and go to bed. Sitting down they all looked even more imposing, looking down on him.

"How long until he's ready?" ask someone Ronan maybe recognized as Harry. It was hard to tell with their new bodies. "The fuck do I know, " Nigel responded. "It's not like we've done this before. Let's give it time to make sure it is fully absorbed. We have all afternoon after all."

"Let's show him what we got," Seth said to Nigel. Ronan still felt like shit, but it was kind of stabilizing. He watched as Seth and Nigel removed their shirts to show off their impossibly well-sculpted bodies. They had been regular jocks as they left for summer break, muscled for sure, but no where near this. "Ok, story time while we wait," Nigel started. "So this year the team had its summer camp over at the reservation. Pretty much the same as every year. Even if the location is different, there are the fires, the tents, outdoor sports and such. It's just that one evening one old indian dude showed up. He wasn't part of the organizers, cause we hadn't seen us before or since, but he talked about how you could channel the spirits around us. Nice camp fire story, but not much more to it. Not until a few nights later when a few of us got high and saw... Well, we realized some shit that turned out to actually work. Being a team we all did it, and perhaps a bit too much, since we ended up like this."

"The coach was fucking furious," Seth jumped in. "Turns out we got a bit greedy on strength and got way more pounds to haul across the field than we can win with, so we need to make some adjustments," Nigel concluded. Ronan started to get the picture, though wasn't sure what it would mean for him. Seth continued "We can't just give all of this back. It doesn't work like that, so we were all in agreement that the best bulk bucket to dump all the excess muscle on is you. The way you've run your fucking mouth off all last year, it sounded like a cry for help."

"Fuck it, let's do it now, " Nigel interrupted. He grabbed a wooden stick with both hands, and held it out in front of him. He closed his eyes and appeared to concentrate on something. Ronan could feel the heat building in his legs, and then tiny vibrations, like when you are pushing yourself to your limit and the muscle is about to fail of exhaustion. Then it spread upwards in his body, the heat, the vibrations, and followed by spasms. Nigel stood completely still, eyes closed, and concentrated. Then Ronan saw how Nigel slowly started to shrink. Slowly and subtly, but he was changing. From what he had been told Ronan assumed the opposite was happening to him, but he couldn't really focus enough to register that. His entire body was just a blur of vibrations, heat, and discomfort.

Then it all stopped, almost instantly. Nigel opened his eyes and inspected himself. He still looked amazing, but more appropriate for a football player his age. "Fuck yeah!" Seth exclaimed, and the entire room erupted in cheers and high fives.

"One down and the rest to go. You'll probably feel like shit until everyone who jizzed in your potion is done," Nigel told Ronan, while handing over the stick to Seth.

Ronan was wide awake and was greeted by staring into a pair of pecs as he opened his eyes. It hadn't been a bad dream after all. He really had been in that locker room for hours, getting more and more pumped with muscles as one after the other of the team grabbed the stick and spent some five, ten minutes on transferring muscles over to him. He had felt less and less sick as they progressed, but his heart sunk lower and lower by what was happening to his body. After about a quarter of them he needed to get out of his clothes. His feet hurt the most, but fabric was straining everywhere. He realized he was as buff as any of them, and by the half point he was confident he could kick the shit out of any of them, but to what end? If he ran away they would just continue anyway. Perhaps the pendant was needed, and he could rip that off, but just as Nigel said he was feeling like shit. So he stayed and went from his thin, normal self, through athletic, jock, muscular, swole, to whatever bodybuilding monstrosity he was now.

He didn't cry, that's not the kind of person he was, but he felt like he should as the now recognizable players went through his greatest hits of jock insults, and a whole list of new ones like meatpacker, swole sink, and hunkty dumpty. Harry had brought a roll of stickers from a supermarket saying "USDA Prime" and put one on his chest. After he had removed it he got another one stuck on his back, and to everyone's great amusement he couldn't reach that far back with all his new muscles. Someone had brought some clothes he could actually fit in. A pair of well worn, bulky sneakers, a pair of spandex shorts, and a stringer with the print "Size Matters", all raided from the lost and found at local gyms apparently.

A lot of the players had left after they had adjusted themselves, and the last few of them left just after having thrown the clothes at him. Ronan sat in shock and disbelief for a long while before he got up and put on the scant pieces of clothing, gathered his belongings, and started to head home. He felt off, but wasn't sure how much was residual of the tonic he drank and what was just his new normal. The way his thighs made him waddle and his chest and arm muscles made the arms stand out wouldn't go away just with a night of good sleep.

[haworthiaace]

Magic Misfits AU

Ok so basically we made an au based off of the fact that Scar kept calling his village the village for magical misfits. Scar finds out that he somehow ended up on a server for magical misfits, and now he’s created a sort of safe haven within the server, so naturally they flock to it. Some hermits don’t surprise him, the ones that don’t really bother making an effort to hide their magic, or the ones who can’t hide it. But some hermits deeply confuse him. Chaos ensues. 

TLDR Scar becomes a magical therapist for the hermits

Scar is a wizard, he doesn’t really specialize in anything besides his crystals, which is why he’s able to help with a variety of magical issues. He ends up becoming the one entrusted with everyone’s secrets and problems, which makes him Stressed, but he enjoys helping his friends.

Both Xisuma and Evil Xisuma are shapeshifters, with the ability to change their appearance, but not their size. X keeps his appearance hidden from the hermits, which of course inspires wild theories ranging from eldritch abomination to biblical angels, but X won’t reveal if any theories are true. The only ones that know are Hypno (explained later) and Scar. Scar found out when Xisuma showed up hurt at his doorstep, without enough energy to keep another form. Scar was sworn to secrecy afterwards, and he deeply enjoys listening to other hermits pester him for answers. X actually just looks startlingly average, to the point that he’s unwilling to reveal himself solely because people expect him to be something a little more intimidating, and especially now with the ridiculous rumours the hermits have started.

EX doesn’t hide his true form (which is identical to X’s), but of course the hermits don’t believe him, thinking that it’s just another disguise, and EX won’t confirm or deny because he thinks it makes them more afraid of him. (It doesn’t) He’ll also frequently try to impersonate hermits to destroy the server from the inside out, but he is a terrible actor (so is X) and rarely gets far in his plans.

Mumbo and Grian are fairies, but they’re originally from different communities (courts? I really don’t know much about fairies) so they don’t know the other is a fairy until Grian’s hermit challenges initiation. They can shrink into a smaller form that has wings, but it takes quite a bit of effort to switch between forms. (also fun fact: if mumbo is a fairy that means hermit challenges is a magically binding contract)

Iskall is just. Completely human. His prosthetic eye is powered by magic, (and maintained by Scar!) but other than that he’s just a dude. However, he has very strange things happen to him all the time because he’s befriended not one, but two fairies, and he hasn’t noticed either one. He finds that he often has abnormally good luck, and his lost objects will mysteriously turn up as soon as he complains to his best friends about it. He asks Scar if he knows anything, but Scar, not wanting to break Mumbo or Grian’s trust, has to play dumb while also helping Iskall with his ‘problem’.

Now this might come as a shock but. Ren is a werewolf. It may not be unique but it is fitting. One full moon near the beginning of season 7, Ren showed up at the village around sunset, and frantically insisted that Scar let him stay the night in an unoccupied house. So Scar let him stay, and the next morning Ren explained his Situation. So now Scar helps Ren be as comfortable as possible on the night of his transformation and the day after they just chill together.

Stress has her potion brewery, and she’s the first one on the list to fall into the category of Not Having Frequent Magical Emergencies; she just goes to the village to hang out because hey why not? It’s cozy, plus Scar helps her brainstorm potion recipes over cookies and hot chocolate. Scar comes to her often needing a potion (usually of the healing variety) because someone Fucked Up.

Tango is also human, but at some point he was cursed, and his vision started to literally turn red until it was all he could see. The curse was halted thanks to Zed and Impulse, but the red eyes still remain. (Though thankfully his vision returned) They aren’t sure what the curse would have done if it wasn’t stopped, and they’d be happy to never find out.

Zed is an elf, and while he does have a little bit of magic, it wasn’t enough to stop whatever was afflicting Tango, so he turned to more demonic methods. When Tango’s sight got really bad, he summoned a demon (Impulse) and offered his soul in exchange for a cure to the curse. Impulse did the best he could, restoring Tango’s vision but leaving the red eyes, and then left with his price. Zed’s health slowly started declining: he had basically no energy or life due to the separation from his soul. So Tango summoned Impulse back and asked for Zed’s soul back, but it couldn’t be returned without reversing the deal, and Zed wasn’t willing to do that. So Tango ‘asked’ Impulse to stay with them for a while so Tango could convince Zed to back out of the deal. It turns out that being near his soul (kept by Impulse) returned Zed’s energy, and Impulse decided he liked these two so they became a trio, and joined hermitcraft soon after.

Quite often 2 members of team ZIT will wake up Scar in the middle of the night because they accidentally did something to the missing member (banished Impulse, sent Tango to the shadow realm, etc.) and they don’t know what to do. Scar has a ZIT protocol. It’s used far too often. They also constantly try to figure out what the more human looking hermits are. They do not often succeed.

At night, Bdubs turns into a sleep paralysis demon looking creature, and he (unwillingly) curses people to sleep for a completely random amount of time. After an Incident with Wels in season 6, (that’s the reason for his ‘nap’) he makes sure to sleep as early as possible every night. He thankfully isn’t affected by this while in the End or Nether.

Alright lads here’s the angsty one. Beef has the midas touch, meaning everything he touches turns to gold. It works much slower on living creatures than on inanimate objects, but it still works on living things so that’s Not Good. He makes sure to wear special enchanted gloves that block his curse while wearing them. At some point he goes to Scar in a panic because he accidentally touched Etho with his bare hands, (Etho handles this surprisingly well) and Scar helps him fix Etho. (It’s minecraft rules. They just cut his arm off and it comes back.) After that they put a curse of binding enchantment on Beef’s gloves.

Cleo is still a zombie, and she sometimes gets Scar to help her with Zombie Problems when Joe isn’t available. The first time she showed up outside Larry with her (severed) arm held in one hand Scar nearly jumped out of his robes, but he’s pretty used to it by now and will just go inside to grab a needle and thread.

Joe certainly is something! Nobody is quite sure, even Scar. All Scar knows is that Joe knows way too much about everything, and yet he keeps asking Scar to help him translate Galactic. (Joe is secretly trying to teach Scar the language because he feels that it’s important for magic users to know, especially ones so versatile like Scar) Joe is some kind of oracle who receives visions of the past, present, and future, which is why he knows so much, and he’s also at least dabbled in almost every kind of magic there is. He’s a bit of a cryptid.

The local mad scientist is Cub, who does all sorts of weird experiments, and makes inventions that combine magic and technology in disturbing yet wonderful ways. He also got cursed by his pyramid, so now he has comically bad luck. It doesn’t usually cause any serious harm, just shenanigans. He of course embraces this and finds it funny as hell.

On top of Doc’s regular strangeness, (creeper hybrid, cyborg, goat whisperer?) he also for some reason attracts a frankly unreasonable amount of kitsunes. Nobody knows why, but he can be seen in the shopping district being trailed by no less than two foxes with varying amounts of tails. It’s really very cute, and the mystery of it infuriates the more investigative hermits. (Cub and team ZIT mostly)

Etho is a demigod, although nobody knows what god he’s descended from. (including Etho) He has the fun ability to grant others’ wishes, but because of his personality he chooses to twist these wishes and turn them into fun little pranks that technically give the person what they want, but not without annoying them first. He also doesn’t reveal this ability to the others, leaving them even more confused whenever he uses it, which isn’t often because it does drain him quite a bit.

False, being the badass she is, is a valkyrie. She towers over most of the hermits, and between her height, wings, and blazing sword she’s quite intimidating. Despite this, she’s still very sweet, and would never seriously hurt her friends on purpose, but enemies are a whole different story.

Hypno at first seems totally human, but he actually comes from a world full of magic, each person having their own individual ability. Hypno’s ability is to absorb/ cancel out magic, which means that no magic can affect him, and he can also choose to stop any magic by touching the target of the magic. This got him exiled from his world, but he found a new family in the hermits. Because he isn’t affected by magic, he can see through Xisuma’s disguise, but he just assumes that he sees the same thing as everyone else. He hangs out with Beef when he needs comfort because he knows Beef can’t accidentally hurt him.

Jevin is,, slime. Not a minecraft slime, he’s just a pile of sentient slime held together by magic. (Necromancy? probably) Hypno likes to mess with him by touching small parts of him and disrupting the magic so a chunk of his arm falls off. Scar then has to fix it, but it’s still funny.

Keralis has the power of hypnotizing people by looking into his eyes. (Nothing but his eyes) He of course uses this power for mischief, although nothing actually bad. Usually uses it to ‘convince’ people to buy a book or seven. He also sometimes does it on accident, in which case he drops them off at Scar’s until they snap out of it. Team ZIT keeps asking him to hypnotize X so he’ll reveal his true form, but Keralis doesn’t want to force him to reveal that, plus he finds their attempts at figuring it out entertaining.

XB is an unfortunately forgetful selkie, and most of his visits to Scar are because he lost his coat in one of his shulker boxes again. On one memorable occasion he arrived in a panic after losing his coat again, and Scar had to spend about 5 minutes trying to suppress his laughter enough to tell XB that it was on him.

TFC doesn’t have magical crises, much to Scar’s relief. He’s just a humble earthbender living in the mines, occasionally coming out to the village to ask Scar for a crystal to help his back pain, or to give the poor man an afternoon of peace. In fact, Scar turns the tables by asking TFC for magical help with terraforming, which he’s glad to offer in exchange for all that Scar does for everyone.

Wels is a bard, which makes his sea shanties even more powerful than they already are. When Hermitgang came out, a hole was blown in the G team base, much to the surprise of everyone inside at that moment. Hels is also a bard, but he prefers rock music over sea shanties. Diabolical was an actual magical duel, and it probably looked sick as hell.

Bonus: Jellie is secretly a powerful eldritch being, and is the only one with magic that can affect Hypno. It’s a good thing she’s interested in getting pets and treats rather than destroying the server, because she probably could. She casually hops between worlds whenever Scar isn’t around, going on delightful little adventures. Scar takes quite a while to figure this out, and loses his shit when he does. When she got struck by lightning, she just turned up totally fine the next day and Scar didn’t question it too much.

I’d like to thank the discord for helping with ideas, ya’ll are so creative and i appreciate you all <3 ( @skywillsometimeswrite @bigbadantianti @justletmeplayminecraft @badtimeswithscar @aceacebaby12345 @litabattoir @icewolfstar @burntmagicc @dicerxll @dioritegang @cut-the-string @anntonka @shadeswift99

[queenofthefullmoon]

An exhaustive list of Dark Souls 3 bosses I would or would not date

Iudex/Champion Gundyr

We’re starting off this list with a strong yes. Our boy Gundyr has had a hard, difficult life, and he deserves some good company. He’s tall, strong, and I trust him to protect us as we set a lovely camp site outside of the fire link shrine.

Vordt of the Boreal Valley

Vordt is big and he is feral which are truly the only two qualities I look for in a man. Together we’d be unstoppable. I mean, think about how easy it would be to go around with him: just climb on his back and let the rodeo begin, baby. This argument alone should be enough to convince you that Vordt is a suitable boyfriend, but here’s another one: if you get too hot in the summer, worry fucking not for your gigantic man can hold his equally gigantic hammer over you and cover you with snow like an italian man covering his pasta with parmesan.

Cursed Rotted Greatwood

Now while I’m certain it would be a perfect partner for some people, the Cursed Rotted Greatwood isn’t for me. For one, I am not fan of curses, or rot, or weird sticky balls, or strange orange acid, or pale white and slightly viscous hands bursting through a living tree. Secondly, I feel like the crowd of Hollows who group up around the tree would be a big impediment to our intimacy, and I’m not ready to be the mother of 20 Hollows.

Crystal Sage

No offense but you’d be an idiot for not wanting to date the Crystal Sage. All wrapped up in one package, you get a super competent sorcerer bf, who wears the coolest hat in the galaxy and an equally cool cape, and who overall looks like the upgraded version of a plague doctor. In addition to that he also has a pretty rapier so you can both engage in some sparring (which we all know is the most romantic couple activity).

Deacons of the Deep

Probably one of the worst options on the list, they’re all crusty, rotting men moaning around a biggass coffin. There are many technical questions. If I dated a deacon, would I have to date all of them? Can we go out on dates or are they obligated to stay next to the coffin at all times? Can I even date them at all?? Not that I would, because I have standards. The only pro to entering this relationship(s?) would be that I’d probably get one of their robes for free, but the cons are so numerous that I’d rather buy it myself.

Abyss Watchers

Let’s be real and honest even if it hurts. Would I date an Abyss Watcher? Yes. Maybe I’d even date two. However, would an Abyss Watcher date me? No, because they’re all in love with Artorias, and I can’t blame them for that.

Old Demon King

At first I considered dating the Old Demon King like a Russian Instagram model dates an old, rich American man: with a great deal of fake love but above all great patience in order to be the only person on the will. But then I thought about it more, and what does the Old Demon King have to offer, really? A big firework show that will leave him exhausted like the old creature he is, and maybe some pyromancies. Truly, it is not worth it, especially since I’d have to take residence where he lives, in a big old room filled with the corpses of his kin.

High Lord Wolnir

I’ve got nothing against Wolnir personally, but I have no interest in skeletons, nor in his army of skeleton children. As stated above I’m not ready to be a mother. I feel like if we got in an argument and he sighed, he would poison me with his awful breath and I would die a horrible death. Also, living on the brink of the Abyss doesn’t appeal to me that much. However I would like Wolnir to be a good friend I can talk jewelry with because let’s be honest, the man (skeleton?) is blinged the fuck out even in death and I respect that.

Yhorm the Giant

Yes, I would date Yhorm. He was nothing but a sweet, misunderstood giant who always tried to get people to trust him and he convinced me. I would put my life in his big hands. Think of the possibilities. Just like with Vordt he could carry you everywhere but in a less reckless way if you prefer proper manners. You’d never have to worry about not seeing anything at a concert. Also, may I add that waiting for you to show up while sitting on his biggass throne is an absolute power move? Yhorm is a Lord of Cinder, but above all, a Lord of this heart.

Pontiff Sulyvahn

Would I date him because of his appealing aesthetic? Yes. Would I date him for anything else? No. Sulyvahn is absolutely terrifying, completely unhinged in the most frightening way, which is that he doesn’t look bat shit crazy. I could be thinking that everything is going well in our relationship then suddenly he’d lock me in a dungeon then would feed me to his weird friend because I put a fork in the knife drawer. He could pretend to propose and give me a weird fucked up ring with his eye in it and the next thing I know I’d be running in a field on all fours. I don’t trust like that.

Aldritch, Devourer of Gods

I’m so sad about Aldritch because literally everything about him is completely unappealing, unacceptable, unnatural, unholy, abhorrent, but he has the delicate and beautiful face of Gwyndolin. While our lovely Gwyndolin looks gorgeous as ever it doesn’t make up for the fact that Aldritch devoured people and probably wouldn’t find love to be a good reason to not eat his partner. The only reason I can find to have a friendship (not even a romantic relationship) with him is if you really like experimenting with cooking and you really, really need someone to taste your inventions.

Dancer of the Boreal Valley

I feel attraction, which means that just like any other being who feels attraction, I would date the Dancer. She is beautiful, graceful, a bit feral, and would not hesitate to put a flaming knife to my throat, which is the description of my dream woman. Imagine walking the streets with her, trying to hold her hand while it dangles 3 feet above you and she insists on holding her sword, actually, so she might slay anyone who tries to approach you, which she communicates through icy breaths and murmurs. The date of a lifetime.

Oceiros, the Consumed King

Another awful choice on this list, Oceiros is RABID and also, as far as we know, still a married man. You really want to date a man that hasn’t even gone through his divorce but already looks like this? Me neither. I’m already not big on dragon fucking but the fact that he’s all viscous and has weird growths all over him is not helping. Also, he has children, and we know how I feel about that — although, given how he treats them, he probably won’t have kids very soon (too far?).

Ancient Wyvern

So I’ve stated that I’m not very big on dragon fucking. With that said, do I think the wyvern is sexy and beautiful? Absolutely so. You’re probably like « Blue you’re sending mixed signals, are you gonna date the lizard or not? » and to that I say, date? Perhaps not. I would however like to form a lifelong bond with this wonderful force of nature and fight by its side, live a long and fulfilling life travelling along with it, only to die at the same time atop the tallest mountain in the world, where our skeletons will be discovers hundreds of years in the future by brave explorers, who will confirm that the legendary songs that were written about us were in fact not just a myth.

Nameless King

You’ve just read what I said about the wyvern. I feel like the Nameless King really understands me and would respect me for that. We could bond over our love of dragons and other flying scaly beasts and perhaps share some chaste kisses while soaring the sky on our companions. It’s nice to date someone who loves pets as much as you. I feel like he would be a fun guy to hang around in general, maybe he’d let you braid his hair or try on his crown. He can arrange personalized fireworks shows for you with his lightning powers. I don’t think you’d ever be bored around him.  

Dragonslayer Armor

Dating an empty suit of armor has never bothered me (see: ds2 Ruin Sentinels), however I have beef with the dragonslayer armor. Is it a beautiful armor? Perhaps a bit worn off, but the reply remains affirmative. However, it is controlled by Pilgrim Butterflies, which basically means I’m dating one to multiple of these things in the shape of an armor, and I’ve gotta confess that I’m not down for that.

Lorian Older Prince and Lothric Younger Prince

Here comes the delicate moment where we have to make a choice without offending anyone. I personally, speaking for myself, in my own opinion, would rather date Lorian. Reason: he is big, strong, and a bit rabid, which I’ve made very clear is my type. I don’t dislike Lothric, but I feel like we’d be better off as best friends who have a really snarky group chat where we shit talk the entire kingdom. That’s pretty good because if I even just slightly disliked Lothric I’m pretty sure Lorian would sense it and would not hesitate to murder me on sight.

Champion’s Gravetender and Champion Greatwolf

Well the full name is just a formality here, I’m not completely insane so I don’t want to date this rabid wolf. I feel like the Champion’s Gravetender is just a normal dude who’s a bit in over his head and it’s not his fault but he just seems a bit boring compared to all my other options. Instead of a date I think he’d be more of an awkward flirt I had when I was bored and then I came to my senses but didn’t know how to disengage, but in the end it worked out because he was more interested in his work anyway.

Sister Friede and Father Ariandel

Again a choice has to be made and I will have to be predictable and say I’d date Elfriede. Just like Dancer she’s what the woman of my dreams is made of. She’s graceful and could easily take my life and I think it’s awfully sexy of her to be like that. I think I’d be accepted into the family pretty easily, which is important since Father Ariandel cares about Friede so much. I’d go visit him sometimes, play chess with him, bring him his flail, normal interactions with your girlfriend’s dad.

Soul of Cinder

I’m gonna be a tiny bit freaky here and say I’d date the Soul of Cinder. Dating it is just like opening a Kinder Surprise egg, you never know what you’re gonna get (sorry Americans for excluding you here). That makes life exciting and doesn’t let routine stall your relationship. Every day you can wake up with the question « What weapon will my darling walk around with today? The flaming sword, or the sorcery staff? » and be surprised by the answer. Truly ideal, but I understand it’s not for the faint of heart.

Demon Prince

I’m gonna go with a maaaaaaybeeeee? leaning towards no. I mean yes, the Demon Prince is a weird fleshy flaming demon, and that may be a bit gross, but I’ve gotta admit I admire his style, the drama of it all. The care he puts into his entrance, the attitude in his moves. If we don’t date I’d at least want to be friends so he can teach me his ways.

Darkeater Midir

I have very intense and contradictory feelings towards Midir. In one hand, holy shit, absolutely epic dragon, the spirit of companionship is growing in me. On the other hand, this beast is RABID and pretending I could tame him is foolish, and pretentious. I guess in the end the answer remains that I don’t date dragons, I just want to adopt them as my extremely exotic pets.

Halflight, Spear of the Church

Yeah I’d date Halflight, I know it’s the easy answer but look at him. I mean shit he’s walking around like a little thotty with his shirt open and you mean to tell me I’m not supposed to wanna date him because he looks pretty much like a regular dude? My boy Halflight WANTS me to date him or else he would not show up with his tiddies out to a sword fight, which as an activity already has enough erotic implications on its own.

Slave Knight Gael

I’m gonna say it unashamedly and I’ll say it again: I would date Gael. He’s been nothing but helpful and when he tries to attack you it’s to help his little lady that he’s adopted as his niece. We love a chaotic parental figure. Maybe he’s a tad bit old and dirty but there’s nothing a good bath can’t fix and I’m sure he’d appreciate having someone taking care of him for once. Again, he’s got that slightly unhinged quality to him that makes him delightful. When I walk around with my partner I want us to instill both fear and fascination in people which we would be able to accomplish perfectly well.

Dark Souls 1: Remastered date list // Dark Souls 2: Scholar of the First Sin date list

[janiedean]

i find it funny that all the arguments against sansan or sanrion is about the age gap being problematic and then people ship her with jaime who's OLDER THAN TYRION and i think also older than sandor OR they'll ship her with jon who she grew up considering a brother and is actually a cousin making it incestuous. oh and when the books start theon is like 18-19 years old while sansa is like 11 i think? but yes, tell me more about why your sansa ships are superior to sansan or sanrion LOL. oh also let's not forget the ~pure~ ship of sansaery where margaery basically pretends to be friends with sansa and acts nice for her own advantage which is easy to do since she's lonely in king's landing but drops her th emoment it gets convenient, not to mention pretty much framing her from joff's murder which like sure, sansa escaped cuz LF had it planned but if not she would've been killed then :) a very healthy dynamic indeed. they really don't want to admit that they only care to ship sansa with canonically hot guys and their real problem with sansan and sanrion is both sandor and tyrion are supposed to be ugly and physically quite the opposite of the prince charming she's looking for (but they are more prince-like in character) and ignore that her whole arc is learning to look beyond appearances and names and superficial stories.

I mean other than confirming you that jaime's older than sandor bc jaime has seven years on tyrion who's three-four years younger than sandor and sandor's like 29 in agot... he's older than both of them and I'd like to add willas tyrell to the list of people that are seen as better options.... and he's also older than both sandor and tyrion, I... can't disagree with anything here because like we don't even wanna touch my beef with sans*ery but it's for the same reasons as you said and at the end of it I also can't disagree with the last paragraph because that's... like... the point of the narrative like sansa is obv ending up with someone who doesn't look hot for standards but is actually good on the inside which both of them fit the standard for, and again while I think sandor's it for obv reasons if sanrion was endgame I wouldn't be complaining (ngl I was hoping lowkey for them to get the show bc it was obvious sansan wasn't gonna be a show thing so might as well have a 50/50 split even though I guess having the show wouldn't have been that great in retrospective BUT ANYWAY) yeah what you said about the whole arc and again like... sansa/jaime is top five most hated ships for me too bc it's doubly ignoring that sansa and jaime have LI that aren't standard attractive so I'm not even touching that but yeah like

sorry but when it comes to problematic ships again there is literally nothing in asoiaf that's not somehow problematic - again the most wholesome thing in there is sam/gilly and I reiterate gilly has a baby because her father raped her and her own mother was the same so................. like no one has any leg to stand on when it comes to MY SHIP IS WHOLESOME bc no ship in here is 100% wholesome or has characters who are themselves 100% wholesome so the fixation about how these two ships are specifically bad is suspicious like really really sus

also I'd like again to point out for the umpteenth time that while there are things that I really don't vibe with (and in this fandom esp I can't do incest ships) I don't go around judging ppl for being into unhealthy dynamics or being like EW IT'S INCEST BAD because honestly I have better to do with my life, but my problem is people going like AH MY SHIP IS MORALLY BETTER THAN YOURS when it's a badwrong/ish dynamic and trying to sanitize it - like own up to it no one is gonna judge in this damned fandom and if they do good luck being coherent and don't go at other people like 'ah yeah mine is better than yours because it's so much more wholesome' X°D

also like... again there's limits and limits - I can absolutely get why someone would not like sansan or sanrion because they do have problematic elements like if someone reads blackwater and feels uncomfortable ofc I'm not gonna tell them WELL YOU HAVE TO ACCEPT IT, if they blacklist sansan and they don't come at me telling me I'm a pervert then all good? but like to do the comparison I can't get over how in the show sansa told theon she'd do to him what ramsay did all over again after he didn't help her when she didn't even tell him WELL WE SHOULD RUN AWAY TOGETHER just help me run away because for me that is like... I can't ship it when the show narrative never asked sansa to be accountable, I won't ever go to a the*nsa shipper telling them EW HOW CAN YOU LIKE IT WHEN THAT IS A THING because... the way I can like sansan with its problematic elements or secondarily like sanrion with its problematic elements (nvm that the superior tyrion ship is tyrion/bronn anyway) they can like th*onsa with its problematic elements? but just don't go around harping at ppl because everyone has their limit to something and it can be glaringly obvious or not (I mean if I tell you that th*ramsay isnt my cup of tea anyone could understand why seeing the background, or idk for me brienne/hyle hunt is a way bigger nope than brienne/tormund ever could have been but a lot of ppl in jb fandom feel the contrary which is absolutely fine again I can't stand the idea of b. with someone who bet on taking her virginity because of personal reasons even if he realized he was wrong but for others the way they wrote brienne/tormund in the show was uncomfortable to that degree and so on) and as long as you behave like an adult... then who cares what you ship

meanwhile instead there's the... fixation on those two esp within the context you mentioned and honestly I'm kinda tired of the 'gross old dudes' rhetoric thrown at them when neither of them is old or gross and they both are abuse victims with trauma never mind the ableism in spades (that one more glaringly at tyrion for obvious reasons and on tumblr I wish it wasn't like......... 80% of the general fandom but people dismissing sandor's shitty coping methods as HE'S A VIOLENT DRUNK when like..... he's the only one who's actually not violent with her sansa and he has thirty years' worth of ptsd on him are also a peach) like... can you please realize the implications of what you're saying please and thank you

[mrhrmrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr]

Hiii could I please get bnha & haikyuu matchup? Preferably with males pls. My pronouns are she/her. I am 5’4, an ambivert and a Latina. My enneagram is type 4. I have pale skin, mid-length brown wavy hair with bangs, and hazel eyes. I am described as someone who comes off as cold or aloof when I’m around people I don’t know. After getting to know me, I am the complete opposite. I’m just a bit shy at first lol. My friends have told me that I give good advice but like to joke about my stubbornness. I like to make people laugh and try to make the best of any situation. However I have a hard time expressing my emotions. I’m also described as easy going and fun to be around. I also love animals especially dogs.

I am a hip hop dancer and love to perform. Dance to me is very freeing and I'm usually dancing anywhere anytime haha. I choreograph a lot as well. I also enjoy reading could vary from manga to non-fiction. I love music especially hip hop, rap, & reggaeton. I also love to write music/poetry. At one point I was composing 2-3 songs a day but lately I've lost my creative streak. I never show anybody though since I’m really shy about it. I'd love to one day tho! I can be playful and love to tease my friends. I also really like to eat and travel. I am a bit of a homebody but I enjoy hiking because of the exercise. I really enjoy having deep conversations. I can’t stand people who bully others and people who are fake. I like to be honest and helpful in any way I can. My style is usually anything comfy/casual and I don’t really like wearing skirts or dresses. I speak English and Spanish (learning Japanese & Portuguese). I would love to learn ASL and Hawaiian one day as well. I enjoy watching crime investigations, probably one of my favorite things to watch.

I don’t really any fears, just not being able to accomplish my goals/dreams. I tend to daydream a lot and I’m also a big procrastinator 😭. I'm usually in my head a lot which tires me a bit. Alone time for me is definitely important. I would say my love languages are words of affirmation and physical touch. I’m usually really cold towards the person I like lol. Only because I test the waters to see if I should spend time and energy on them. I tend to be a bit jealous/possessive, not in an unhealthy way though. Just wouldn’t match with someone who is very flirty with other people lol. What I look for in a partner is someone that is selfless, mature and has depth to them. Also if they are really accepting because I’ve never had that growing up. I'm a bit touch starved lol. Thank you so much 💖💗💕

tl;dr Hinata Shoyo thinks your really cool and supports your goals/you in general fully. Tamaki Amajiki thought you were scary at first, but once you warmed up to each other he ally admires you, and thinks your cute.

Hope this is alright, still new to the whole matchup thing:

Haikyū!!:

I give you…One Shoyo Hinata

He may not always be the most mature person, even in the Haikyū timeskip, but he makes up for it in other ways.

You would probably meet after his first year, probably sometime between end of his second-timeskip around 2018.

Really depends on where you are, I won’t go to into detail seeing as some people might not want spoilers, I will put any spoilers down below the cut at the end of this.

If it’s during high school still, you might be a new manager for Karasuno, or even the manager of another team they are having a practice match with.

Just some things…:

> would love that you can speak multiple languages, he thinks it’s so cool that you can communicate to all kinds of people, and he’d probably ask you to teach him a little bit as well

> he probably wouldn’t care if you were ever distant/cold, he understands that it takes time for people to warm up to each other, (Kageyama, Kenma even, good examples there)

> if you told him/he saw/you showed him your dancing, he would probably be open jawed thinking stuff like “that- is so freaking cool!!!” yeah- mental exclamation marks.

> if you showed him how to do a couple moves? amazing, he’s gonna brag and go show his teammates tomorrow at practice what he learned how to do

> sometimes he can be a bit energy draining, but if you tell him you need alone time? he understands completely and will give you your time (might be a bit impatient in waiting for you to send him a message saying hi but he respects that all fully.)

> this dude would be so freaking supportive of you- I will go more on this below the cut for manga spoilers- but he’d just think your one of the coolest people ever

> if you do warm up to him, and decide “this is alright” he’d smile so big and just- hug you so tightly because he’s so happy you feel comfortable around him

> being the kind of person he is, he totally understands you wanting to pursue your dreams. he’d support you, your hobbies, all of it.

> if you told him about your song writing + that you’ve been a bit out of it in your writing he would beg you to let him read or hear some of your work (if you said no he’d understand but he’d still in his mind hope someday maybe you would), he’d ask if you wanted him to try and give you some inspiration, his first answer being “Volleyball!”

> he’s so freaking cuddly once he knows if your comfy with that, he’d hug you, hold you hand, all of that

> start of your relationship he’d definitely be blushy and a bit shy (girls though amiright?)

> he’d watch crime shows with you for sure, he might not share the same love for them, but he loves to cuddle up with you to watch them, he might play with your hair, he just likes to be near you to be honest

> he just thinks your freaking cool and really pretty

BNHA:

Ah hmmm…I give you one Tamaki Amajiki?

Its quite the flip around from Hinata but hear me out….

You are probably also a hero-in-training. You might training to be a more rescue based hero, knowing multiple languages you’d be good at containing a scary situation/containing the crowd. Good at calming people down to evacuate or get to safety..

When you meet to be honest he thought you were scary, shivering in his shoes,

as he gets to know you though, whether it’s from observing you or because Mirio or Nejire have tagged you along with them so he had no choice really-

he finds your not all that scary! The other too can be exhausting so you might drift off towards him for a chiller vibe…

Just some things:

> you’d probably bond over food a bit, and both having the want to stick up for others, (or a dislike for meanies).

> it would take a while for you Both to warm up to each other much/fully, but when you do its quite great

> A slower relationship for sure I think, even once your both more comfortable with each other, not a whole lot of affection at first though

> if you first initiated any affection (verbal or physical), he’d probably be a blushing mess, don’t worry though, he finds it easier to show not tell, so once you’ve talked about it to each other and he’s gotten reassurance from his friends, he’d probably be much more affectionate

> probably lots of comforting, cuddles, not a lot of public affection- he’d rather keep it behind closed doors. when your alone he loves to hold you hand or just pat your head, mostly small things but baby steps matter

> if you tell/show him your dancing he might be intimidate, he’d think it’s cool but he’d definitely have a little bit of a mindset about you like he does with Mirio, he loves and supports your dancing fully though

> same with your writing- if you showed him he would probably think “oh well now i have to add to my list of reasons my s/o is amazing.”

> food dates + movies/tv shows probably, he’d watch crime shows with you, he thinks they are interesting, he mostly loves the look on your face when your doing/watching something you love

> definitely lots of comforting him when he’s anxious

> he likes it when you speak in languages he doesn’t speak, he also likes to try and mentally guess what he thinks your saying

> you both need your alone time, so he gets that and respects your space, he hopes you’ll do the same

> he really understands your want to fulfill your dreams and goals, and he really admires you and thinks your really cute.

this was a little rushed and I probably could have found better characters-

hope this is alright if you want a re-match I can do that for sure <3

timeskip!hinata/manga spoilers below the cut

if you meet after high school:

> you both can speak similar language! (assuming that in this made up universe you have already learned how to speak the rest on your list..)

> imagine that cuddly hinata- but better. it’s the timeskip beef all the characters got like—

> if you met/were together when he was doing beach training, he would definitely try and teach you a bit of beach volleyball/indoors as well.

>when he goes back to japan and joins msby? you probably moved over there with him, if not you can probably make a long distance relationship work just fine

> he would brag to his new teammates so freaking much about you too, especially about your dance skills and how many languages you speak

> he’s just really proud of you tbh

> he understands your want to succeed/ achieve your dreams/goals, I mean he moved to freaking Brazil to help him achieve his, so i think he definitely relates