#the kind of knowledge that empowers anyone

[awesomecooperlove]

✨✨✨

[alicecorpseliddell]

We aren't too into the various sub-communities on sysblr, so we usually try not to talk about them too much. But one thing, that will ALWAYS, without fail, get us angry and yapping is how anti-endos are using -punk tags.

You cannot be punk in any sense of the word and be an anti-endo.

Anti-endos build their entire communities around hatred, harassment, fake claiming, white-western-psychiatry, and a 'self loathing and hate make you real' kind of mentality. All things real punks are Not.

Being punk is about being empathic, caring, compassionate, knowledgeable, pushing back against oppressive regimes, and empowering and loving oneself and others.

Anti-endos are not empathetic, they do not care about anyone but themselves, they willfully choose to be ignorant to others struggles, and they praise highly problematic, racist, misogynistic, and overall outdated psychiatry.

You cannot build your identity around hate and be punk. You are what punks stand against.

[ PLAIN TEXT ] We Are A Diagnosed Traumagenic System We Have Been Diagnosed For Over 3 Years If You Fake Claim Us Or Send Us Other Hatemail You Are Giving Us Consent To  Be An Asshole Back To You

[buddierecs]

aly's favourite fic's

this is a list of my all time favourites buddie fics :) it will be a mixture of ratings. please check the rating/tags!

let's hear it for the boy by hattalove (anything by this author is incredible!!!!) "in which eddie attends a self-empowerment group for gbtq men to supplement his therapy, and is empowered to: forgive himself, say "i'm gay" to his own reflection in the mirror, accidentally adopt an adult, make fried rice, and tell his straight best friend that he's in love with him. not necessarily in that order." word count: 56k rating: teen and up audiences important tags: self-discovery, coming out, friends to lovers, pining, gay disaster!eddie diaz.

leave the light on (i'll be coming home) - highly highly recommend this!!!!! by: HMSLusitania "an accident on a call leaves buck with custody of chris after eddie is... missing presumed. while they navigate their new family circumstances -- and fight to stay together, despite eddie's parents' best efforts -- a john doe wakes up in a coma ward with no memory of his own life beyond the knowledge he has a son named christopher and, somehow, he needs to get home." word count: 44k rating: mature important tags: presumed dead, grief, mourning, angst, amnesia, getting together a leaf falls on loneliness by: iimpossible_things "buck doesn’t think that if he were to say, “i’m in a bad place”, that anyone would turn him away. really, he doesn’t. the 118 has too many good, kind people for that. but every time he wants to open his mouth, to say something, to reach out to eddie or bobby or hen or chim, he hears eddie yelling, “you’re exhausting.” —you’re exhausting, you’re exhausting, you’re exhausting— so each day he does his job and he laughs and he jokes and he pretends he’s the care-free goofball he’s always been. And each day he packs away his bruises and his worries, takes them home to his empty loft with its quiet rooms, and licks his wounds in silence." word count: 11k rating: not rated important tags: angst, fluff, happy ending, orginal male character and i'm not good at winning fights anymore by: spaceprincessem "five times buck needs to feel eddie's heartbeat and the one time eddie needs to feel his" word count: 24k rating: teen and up audience important tags: 5+1 things, whump, protective!eddie diaz, getting together, soft boys in love, ptsd i know you're hurting (but so am i) by: justhockey "eddie understands better than maybe anyone else ever could, how it feels to have everything unravel in the palm of your hands. he knows frustration - he knows fury. he’s painfully familiar with that burning rage that crackles in the tips of your fingers, that makes your skin hot and chest tight, and makes you want to punch anyone that dares to even look at you. but that doesn’t give chim the right to lay a damn hand on buck" word count: 3.7k rating: not rated important tags: ptsd, feelings realisation, protective!eddie diaz, communication, 5x04 coda good pretender by: likeshipsonthesea "an au where buck broke up with taylor before 5b, ravi and buck become (actually platonic) friends with benefits, and ravi, eddie, and buck all go on a journey of self-discovery that ends with them all getting what they need" word count: 85k rating: explicit important tags: friends with benefits (buckandravi), casual sex, childhood tramua, healing, feelings realisation, jealous!eddie diaz, ptsd, love confessions, anal sex

the best life is the truth (my best mask is my face) by: letmetellyouaboutmyfeels the buckleys are celebrating their 50th anniversary, and maddie and buck are both expected to come. to take the heat off maddie, buck impulsively blurts out that he's seeing someone new. obviously, there's only one solution: bring eddie as his fake boyfriend, pretend to be in love with him, and survive the weekend with minimal bloodshed. no problem, except for the, uh. "pretend" part." word count: 43k rating: explicit important tags: fake dating, idiots to lovers, there was only one bed, eventual smut

tomorrow will always and forever now be today (tomorrow is our always and forver) by: withmeornotatall "eddie gets trapped in a time loop on the day buck marries natalia" word count: 43k rating: mature important tags: time loop, minor buck/natalia, heavy angst, eventual happy ending, weddings, love confessions winter prayer by: daisies_and_briars "when a work conflict prevents athena from accompanying bobby to minnesota for the ten year anniversary of his family dying, buck and may offer to go instead. over the course of the trip, they all learn more about each other, and bobby faces his grief." word count: 18k rating: general audiences important tags: road trip, family bonding, grief, healing, angst, bobby being a dad to may and buck, may and buck are siblings

what a heart can do by: bvckandeddie "in which buck becomes the guardian of the daughter he never knew he had. together, they discover what happiness truly means to them." word count: 128k rating: teen and up important tags: girldad!buck, slow burn, friends to co-parents to lovers, oblivious!evan buckley, therapy, light angst, emotional hurt/comfort

[sleepynegress]

THIS ISN'T COMMON KNOWLEDGE BUT SHOULD BE...ABOUT MEDICAID....

If you ever find yourself in the position of living in the home of a parent who is disabled and requires full-time care and you are their primary caregiver for at least 2 years, and they intend to leave their assets to you after they pass, make sure to transfer ownership of their assets, home/land in your name ASAP...or they will require you to pay back any benefits received and claim those assets even out from under you, as soon as your loved one passes. This is yet another way that generational assets /wealth are easily taken out of marginalized communities. It is a loan.

And the sharks circle as soon as your loved one passes. Here's an article about it:

Decided to add context. I don't like to talk about it here, because ehh, social media is for my vapid entertainment thoughts for me. It's a hobby/getaway/ place to get semi-social with strangers and online friends with shared interests, but I don't want anyone else to go through what I am... Of course, this applies specifically to the U.S.'s broken healthcare system. So, for those who don't know, my mom passed recently. I am an only child with no siblings or children. My whole life during that time was 24/7 care. She had insurance, but it wasn't enough to cover everything that she needed, so Medicaid was the obvious solution, right? The government takes care of our disabled elderly who have worked until retirement, right? It seemed like the routine thing to do, I had never heard anything during the process about having to pay it back,but sure enough, less than 12 weeks after her passing, I was hit with a warning (which I followed up on and was told I would NOT be charged because of my caregiver status) and then 2 weeks later the "bill". The lady I spoke to, totally changed her attitude from the first time I spoke to her to the point where I felt scammed. Out came a patronizing voice certain people use with children, that measured whiny thing (it's always a red-flag to me and makes me instantly dislike you if you do this even with kids, btw... speak to kids like PEOPLE). I feel like an idiot. I have been doing this for over a decade and didn't think to transfer any assets of hers during that time because it *was* hers. I wanted her to feel as empowered about that as possible.

Not a single soul said I should transfer those assets to keep this from happening and now I'm facing down what feels like some kind of weird conspiracy to take the land and house.

FYI, there have been weird inquiries, the census came to mark down my mother's death literally *immediately* after she passed...and odd timing called the day of the notice to "help", with all the southern Christian signifiers (bless your heart we'll be praying for you).... It feels so seedy. Anyway, all this to say if you find yourself in a similar position....

TRANSFER THOSE ASSETS INTO YOUR NAME 2 years into caregiving or they will take them from you, house etc..

[darkhoku]

WHY I ADORE BLASPHEMY

“And so I tell you, every kind of sin and slander can be forgiven, but blasphemy against the Spirit will not be forgiven. Anyone who speaks a word against the Son of Man will be forgiven, but anyone who speaks against the Holy Spirit will not be forgiven, either in this age or in the age to come” — Matthew, chapter 12, versus 31-32

One of the sins mentioned in the evil black book of lies that can strike fear into the hearts of people is the blasphemy of the the holy spirt. When the false son of an alleged entity talked about this, the words he used were indeed frightening to those who bend the knee in hopes they may spend eternity worshiping him. (I know sounds like hell to me also)

REPEAT AFTER ME AND FEEL FREE

FUCK THE HOLY SPIRIT!
Don’t just read these words, let them pour from your lips slowly but surely until you are shouting them at the top of your lungs.

FUCK THE HOLY SPIRIT!
Take your blasphemy to the next level and willingly, premeditatively and consciously commit this most unforgivable sin in full knowledge that your soul is eternally free.

FUCK THE HOLY SPIRIT!
Permanently and irrevocably separate yourself from the Abrahamic slave masters that controlled and manipulated your life.

FUCK THE HOLY SPIRIT!
Sever the bonds and cut any ties you may have had to a false faith that no longer serves any purpose or reflects your way of life.

FUCK THE HOLY SPIRIT!
Why cling to the false hope and promise of salvation when they never respected or loved you for who you are.

FUCK THE HOLY SPIRIT!
There is power in these words. Be empowered and set yourself free! Take control of your life and blaze a new path and a new direction, one in which leads to your new salvation, your Lord and Master who will always comfort, support and love you.

FUCK THE FATHER!
FUCK THE SON!
FUCK THE HOLY SPIRIT!

HAIL LILITH!

 

MY RESPONSE 2021

The reason I can not understand a book written at an 6th grade level —

MATTHEW 1:18 — This is how the birth of Jesus the Messiah came about: His mother Mary was pledged to be married to Joseph, but before they came together, she was found to be pregnant 

DEUTERONOMY 23:2 — A bastard shall not enter into the congregation of the Lord.

So the bastard is not in heaven. That’s what it says. One of thousands of contradictions. Cast aside the book or better yet use it to draw Sigils , cast Magick or perhaps use it as a masturbation aid.

What I wrote in 2021, I agree with today. Lilith will share her knowledge with those who ask.

Salvete Lamia!!!!

[badwolfrose34]

This is an excerpt from the Giggle novelization. Proving to me that the Doctor truly never got over or Rose or moved on. I think regeneration combined with Rose having tentoo provided them with a better way to cope. I think they learned how to gain less pain and more power from her memory. I think some days they miss her and feel a little bit of sadness, but most days they miss her but use her name to keep fighting. But a love like what The Doctor felt for Rose never diminishes and never goes away. I believe it was one of the constants of his life that wouldn’t change with regeneration. Neither on screen or in the novelizations did the Doctor mention loving anyone else who they had any kind of romantic interaction with. They expressed love for their platonic best friends Sarah Jane and Donna. And the man they saw as a father figure, Wilf. Rose was the only person he had a romantic dynamic with that he loved at this point. She will always be the love of his life. Maybe Rogue will come to be a close second but Rose is the Doctor’s true love. Yes she has a version of him in tentoo. Yes tentoo is as much the Doctor as any other version of him and is exactly the same as ten (besides lifespan), but knowing she’s happy doesn’t mean the prime universe Doctor would move on or stop feeling the deep romantic love for her he always has.

Another part of why I believe this so strongly is that if the Doctor could just get rid of or diminish their romantic love for her with regeneration, the knowledge they would outlive Rose wouldn’t be such a burden. The curse of the time lords wouldn’t be such a curse. The “I have to live on alone” thing wouldn’t be so painful if the Doctor would only miss her until they regenerated. If the Doctor could just move on upon regeneration, then they would’ve embraced their love for Rose in the first place and there wouldn’t be so much angst over not being able to tell Rose how they feel.

Not everyone will agree and that’s okay, this is a show so big and so fast that no two people will see it exactly the same way. I just wanted to explain why I believe the Doctor’s true love is 100% Rose. If someone else has the same perspective as me, I hope you find this post empowering.

[gatheringbones]

[“But utopia is not at hand; the war goes on.

Many bisexually identified people I meet now that I’ve moved to the big city have a limited understanding of homophobia, coming as they often do from a place of expanding on a heterosexual identity. I rarely feel at home with them. It is the bisexual people who have carved out a home within the gay world, who understand homophobia and have stood up to heterophobia, who seem to be my people.

To address biphobia we have to be able to analyze both homo- and heterophobia first. We have to realize that gay people have had to thrash and fight to escape a mold that didn’t fit, and that many remain defensive about it, full of fear and anger.

We must also realize that to homophobic straights, queer is queer. They’re right! Proximity to a cock doesn’t undo what I know as a lesbian, doesn’t make me one iota less subversive, doesn’t even dilute my lesbian blood. Far from trying to tell anyone that the New Age is here right now and we’re all just alike, I use my bisexual wits to cross boundaries, crack codes, and bring back a store of secret information that society would like to use to keep us all in thrall. We won’t have a chance at overcoming the barriers we were born into — female-male, gay-straight, class, color — without this kind of knowledge.

It is the queer in me that empowers — that lets me see those lines and burn to cross them; that lets me question the lies we all were told about who women are, who men are, how we may properly interact... what nice girls do and don’t do. The queer in all of us clamors for pleasure and change, will not be tamed or regulated, wants a say in the creation of a new reality.”]

carol a. queen, the queer in me, from bi any other name: bisexual people speak out, edited by Lorraine Hutchins and Lani Kaahumanu, 1991

[chosetherose]

Stumbled on an article from 2018 where Karlie talks about going on a road trip around Iceland's Ring Road a few years earlier, with her "fiancé". Obviously we're supposed to think that's Josh, but ignoring that . . . she describes the landscape as being full of geysers, lava, volcanoes . . . and obviously that's what Iceland is like. Volcanoes, snow, beaches. She says it was a "one of a kind" trip and like being on the surface of Mars.

Just wondering about this because we know Karlie and Taylor love a road trip, and the timeline fits for being between 1989 and Reputation. I know most people think Snow on the Beach is about Big Sur, but I'm wondering if maybe it was about this trip instead? The alien imagery, the snow on the beach, the aurora borealis . . 🌋 . . .

Am I onto something? Has this ever been talked about before?

How the heck did you even find this article, Anon? If I ever need to find something deep on the internet I’m calling you.

I haven’t heard of anyone talk about your theory but it’s an interesting idea. I was fortunate to also drive some of the Ring Road in Iceland in 2021 and at least when I went it was so quiet. We’d drive around, get out at random places and if we weren’t in a main tourist area there was no one around. It really was like being on another planet. One of my favorite places on earth, I really developed a love for Iceland on that trip. Anyway, it’s a great vacation spot if you’re trying to keep a low profile.

Volcano chose their name for a reason. Wonder if you’re on to something. What do people think?

As a side note: I always assumed SOTB was either inspired by somewhere completely random we don’t know about or by Holiday House. Taylor posted a video a while back (the one with the niceboy Ed song) with a short clip in the snow that looks like it was filmed there. I would have never noticed this in a million years but someone pointed out this building is the Ocean House (essentially next door to Holiday House). I don’t think there’s an issue posting this since Taylor having a home in this area is very public knowledge.

[givemearmstopraywith]

how do i reconcile being religious (catholic specifically) while also being pro-choice? I’m sorry if this sounds like a bait question, it’s not i promise! But recently i’ve been grappling with my faith again and trying to immerse myself with god again and i feel a bit….dissonant i guess? over having strong opinions on abortion and then on the other hand being religious. i don’t feel grief about being pro-choice, it’s something i believe proudly and w integrity. but it seems like i am in between two opposing great forces which demand of me to choose one over the other? do you have any kind words on how i could possibly reconcile with these? thank you x

i just finished writing research close to this topic, specifically on the problem of mary's consent. which of course comes back to issue of bodily autonomy which is central to questions of abortion. and mary is a problem: theology can neither acknowledge the problem of rape nor accept a consenting woman. to not consent is to be raped, to have control over your body, to say "yes," to consent, is to show a yearning for sexual pleasure, for oneness, and to innate acknowledge that a woman has control over her body before Go does. women must be both and neither: that is why we have the virgin mary. according to contemporary understandings of consent, mary simply could not consent: effectively God has autonomy over her body before she does.

the historical mary is a woman: she is jewish, poor, young, unmarried, and pregnant, and is the ultimate embodiment of liberation theology’s “preferential option for the poor.” but she is absolutely absent of any sexuality. when marcella althaus-reid states that poverty is a bodily and sexual matter, mary cannot be included in this statement. mary is never indecent: her existence is pinioned on the concept of her decency. she is the “right” version of all women, the perfect mate for the god-man: she is submissive, and receives him without becoming distracted by the matter of her self-determination. mary is never overcome by a profane hunger. theology requires this ultimate model of femininity to measure against all other women.

elisabeth schussler fiorenza calls attention to the danger to ecclesiastical and political authorities if mary is rendered as a self-determining single mother: a single woman who is “god-empowered, god-protected” and “filled with the holy spirit who exalts the violated and makes the fruit of illegitimacy holy.” if mary was rendered as excitedly or joyfully consenting to the act of impregnation by god, she would not suit the dominant narrative of women’s sexuality in theology: her joy can only be vocalised after she has already submitted to the masculine-penetrative god-man.

a woman who leans into the oneness and pleasure of union with god because it is pleasurable, out of the locus of her body and her sense of self-determination rather than a sense of duty or submission, has no defined place in christian theology. she can only be appropriated and co-opted by dominant patriarchal narratives, talked over, and silenced. a mary who found pleasure and joy in her impregnation, who readily and excitedly agreed to the divine directive in full knowledge of its implications, implies a femininity which cannot be controlled.

i mention mary because mary is the nexus of most catholic arguments about abortion, whether she is specifically named or not. she is the excuse used to block anyone regarded as "receptive" to patriarchy from having control of their body. i personally read the lucan narrative as mary consenting: let what you have said be done to me. this is consent, though we may debate whether or not it was informed or coerced. but i cannot imagine that christ would have come into the world through an unwilling mother. nor does God force belief on those who do not consent to believe: only people, only dogma, forces itself on the unconsenting. so in this way i can say that God cannot exist to us without consent. violation is a human creation: it is humans who violate God at the crucifixion. as such God cannot exist to us without bodily autonymy, without allowing us choice- it is the human creation of fascism which denies choice, and i hold that dimension of denial absolutely separate from God, because it is not part of God. God may be used to excuse it, but God cannot deny the natural choice and autonomy of his creation without also violating his own existence.

as for catholicism, it is old and it loves augustine. the idea that abortion is wrong is a fairly new invention in the cahtolic church and really only comes from fears that all babies are destined to hell. medieval catholicism saw life as beginning at the "quickening," which could mean anything but was seen as the first movement of the child in the womb. quickening was seen as the moment of ensoulment, and church views of abortion dictated that after ensoulment, a baby would be condemned if not baptized. it is this bizarre and exceptionally antiquated view that is the foundation of contemporary abortion debates: but even contemporary ideas of "human at conception" are ludicrous in comparison to how medieval catholicism understood when a person became a person separate from the person of the one bearing it. christianity dispelled with the judaic idea that the mother's life was more important than the fetus: it is typical of christianity to dispel of its own humanity.

effectively what i'm saying is that things change. the church changes: we find ourselves in unfortunate epochs, but the catholic church is prone to evolution and i appreciate that. but i don't feel, in any way, that being pro-choice and being catholic are at odds with each other. your morality is simply beyond where the magisterium can currently gather itself, and that's okay. the church has always been like that and probably always will be. it is the body of believers, those in the grassroots, those out in the world, who matter the most: over and above canon law, since all law (unlike God) is subject to editing and change. maybe that's a bit controversial: i don't believe it is. jesus didn't live in the temple, he lived on the street. he loved his religion, but he also knew that certain aspects did more harm then good. and maybe he felt conflicted over his love for his faith and his conviction about humanity. you walk where he treads: be proud of that.

[alltimefail]

Happy Day 3 of Cast Appreciation Week to Kassius Nelson!

Kassius is not on Tumblr (to our knowledge haha), but I’m singing her praises everywhere today! Thank you for everything you’ve given our fandom, Kassius!

Our perfect Crystal Palace Surname-Von Hoverkraft, we love you so much! 💜💀🔎

Transcript of my letter below the cut!

Happy Cast Appreciation Week! October 22, 2024

Dearest Kassius,

I want to start this letter by saying how blown away I was by your talent from the very start. To be able to balance comedic timing in scenes where Crystal is having a tift with Edwin with the more serious-toned, empowering moments where she's facing down her abuser or demanding justice for girls everywhere who were victims of Esther's cruelty is no small feat, and you did it masterfully.

Also, let me just throw out there that you get the award for "Best American accent by a British actor or actress." When I heard your true voice in an interview for the first time, I nearly fell out of my seat. I was already so impressed by your performance, but there was never even a single moment where I thought you had an English accent in real life (lol) so major props to you.

Now, on a more serious note: one thing that drives me nuts about a lot of fantasy shows is that women can be treated one-dimensionally, but that was never an issue with Crystal, and I believe a big reason why is because of the way you portrayed her, and the acting choices you made. There are not enough strong, complicated, nuanced, and yet incredibly lovable characters like Crystal Palace in media today, especially not for girls to look up to, and that's why I LOVED every second of her on my screen. You played Crystal's duality with such expertise and precision that it took my breath away, multiple times!

More than that, I found Crystal's storyline to be deeply moving and important for women everywhere, and that importance can't be stated enough. Too many women can relate to being abused and controlled in the name of "Love," and I found Crystal's experiences with David, her powers (and ancestors), and her realizations surrounding her parents to be emotional, compelling, and empowering. She is an incredible character who adds so much depth to the story. There is no Dead Boy Detectives without Crystal Palace; they are better for having her around, and I can't imagine anyone else playing her with the grace, care, and love that you gave to her.

I hope you know that you are beautiful and radiant, inside and out, and that our fandom is so thankful you have shared your brilliance with us. I also have to mention that your support of the fandom through engaging in the art, the edits, and so on shows how much you care not just about Crystal, but about us as well... and that's genuinely special. Not many fandoms can say they get that kind of love from cast members, but our fandom is especially lucky! I hope we can return some of that love right back to you today, ten-fold.

You are our Crystal, always and forever, and we will all be here to support you (and fight for you) in all your current and future endeavors.

All my love, Veronica “V” @ atfsims1

[tossawary]

I've been thinking a lot about DCU stuff and Ace Attorney thoughts got mixed in by accident, because it's got a lot of the same themed, colorful character designs and silly pun names. So, of course, I started immediately daydreaming about a DCU-style Superhero AU for Ace Attorney. (I often do not fully control what I think about.)

And then I was like, "I think I just finally have to play Ace Attorney at this point, before I get stuck in a weird daydream loop because I don't know enough about the plot to worldbuild properly. I will let this be the final push to just start these games."

Based on my extremely limited knowledge (I have only actually played 2 episodes of the first game), here are my Superhero AU thoughts so far. I don't like 1-1 character role match-ups in general when I fuse worlds, so none of these AA characters are fully aligned with any particular DCU character.

Phoenix Wright would make a good speedster, I think. This is partially because of the spiky hair, but also because there's a terrible irony to being the fastest man in the world who keeps being too late to stop certain tragedies. It also suits the way he's apparently never properly prepared for anything but also quickly manages to pull through. He's probably still a defense attorney in his civilian identity. (In accordance with later games, he has to stop being a superhero for several years when he's framed for a crime.)

Besides Phoenix's mentor Mia, who is also both a superhero and a lawyer, ordinary civilian Larry Butz is the only person who initially knows that Phoenix has superpowers. He honestly hasn't told anyone Phoenix's secret identity! But Larry also somehow gets into more scrapes and "damsel in distress" situations than Lois Lane and he's not even an investigative reporter.

Mia Fey, Maya Fey, and Pearl Fey have a Shazam situation, I think, in which they transform into a "Mystic Champion" magically empowered by the ghosts of their ancestors. Like a Shazam & Danny Phantom fusion. Mia Fey was the first in her family to become a publicly known superhero. A lot of people don't know that it's not the original Mystic Champion (same face and same superpowered form as Mia, which breaks Phoenix's heart a little every time) until Maya or Pearl transforms back into a regular girl after the fight is over.

I think Miles Edgeworth is a Batman type hero, but one still partially ensnared by Manfred von Karma, who is his Ra's al Ghul. (This makes Franziska into Talia, but there is definitely nothing romantic there.) Maybe he does have superpowers of some kind, maybe not, and he could still potentially be a prosecutor. He doesn't have a Brucie persona, though. Phoenix is not impressed by Edgeworth's harsh and even cruel approach to vigilante work. (Steel Samurai was Miles' Gray Ghost or Zorro hero inspiration, I'm guessing.)

Gumshoe is Miles' Commissioner Gordon figure and doesn't know his secret identity yet. He's either going to learn in the middle of a really bad situation or he's just going to straight-up figure it out himself one day and scare the hell out of Miles.

I'm still thinking about characters like Kristoph and Klavier Gavin, Apollo Justice, and Trucy Wright, but I don't know enough about them to fully flesh these thoughts out yet. I think the Gavins would make good Kryptonian equivalents (a cold and calculating Superman and a rockstar Supergirl), Apollo might make a good Wonder Girl equivalent (his bracelet becomes a Lasso of Truth) as the lost son of an Amazon, and Trucy would obviously be fun as a Zatanna type of hero.

[badaziraphaletakes]

In which some poor innocent unsuspecting reader submitted an ask and I respond by throwing an entire textbook at them

Like seriously i won’t even be upset if no one reads this PhD dissertation, like actually what is wrong with me omg

The ask:

I want to start by saying I love this account and really appreciate the rebuttals I see here to some of the messed up stuff the fandom’s spit out over the past few years. That being said, the most recent post about “the creepiest take you’ve ever seen,” was one I disagreed with strongly. It’s entirely normal to enjoy watching media where characters have breakdowns. It is not a desire to see a person breakdown. It is a desire to watch a good story.

(Edit: Just realized I somehow omitted to include the full text of the ask here. I apologize for the error! Will fix it soon. -Mod X)

My response:

Hi and thank you for your kind words! (Also idk why there is this huge gap in the text here, sorry haha!) If it were a necessary part of the story, or a part of the story that made sense, I would agree. But it’s not necessary (esp not at this point in the story) and therefore wouldn’t be “good”, if we are defining good art as being emotional truthful, which I imagine is a pretty uncontroversial definition.

Side note: We already saw him have this exact shattering breakdown in Uz. So that renders most of what I am about to say (and arguably some of what you have said) somewhat moot. But I’m going to continue anyway because some of the points brought up here touch on issues that I think bear re-visiting often.

It’s cathartic, it’s engaging, and it helps people who’ve been through the same thing see themselves reflected. For example, I like watching someone on tv hit rock bottom with their addiction because I’ve been through that, and seeing them finally realize they have to work on recovery and actually do it is motivating and empowering.

I’m so sorry you’ve been through that. I haven’t (although I am estranged from an entire side of my family due to alcoholism and meth addiction, which is a whole fun thing), so I can’t comment on this too much.

But addiction is not the same as an ab*sive relationship. (I do have knowledge of those, both from life experience and from my previous job in ab*se research. I edited a newsletter about family violence research for several years.) Seeing a person suffering from addiction realize they want to work on recovery, and realize that the substance they are addicted to is messing up their life, can make sense. Especially if they're in a place where they're able to work on it and have the opportunity to try to change.

But seeing an ab*se survivor “realize they need to get away from their ab*ser because they’re evil and have a breakdown about it” doesn’t make sense, because being trapped in an absive situation is not about “motivation” or what they think about the abser or even, really, about "empowerment". (Side note that word is thrown a lot to delude women into thinking our capitalist system is working for us rather than oppressing us. But I digress.) It boils down to the fact that they are in danger if they leave. The situation is not within their control.

(This next part is not directed at you, but at the general readership, in case this is helpful discussion for anyone: A lot of addictions aren’t within people's control at all either. It depends very much on the drug we’re talking about, the health of the individual, the quantity and duration of the addiction, whether the person has access to the healthcare they need to be cured, and whether there’s a way for them to get free from the broader societal dysfunctions that led to them being trapped in this situation in the first place.)

Also, with addiction, people can absolutely get past that without losing their sense of self and their identity. If they go through that kind of crisis in the process of healing from addiction, I would argue that something is very wrong. (Not with them, but with the society around them). In a best-case scenario, a person suffering from addiction would have access to the kind of mental and physical healthcare and support system that lets you get free from that without a shattering breakdown or loss of sense of self.

Besides, not everyone who has an addiction has toxic beliefs about themselves or their own identity or other people, etc etc. (Babies who are born addicted come to mind, if we want to talk about the most extreme example.) So I find the idea that addiction is down to toxic beliefs about one's self very suspect. I would argue that 95% of the time, addiction happens because your life sucks. The mental health community is starting to have this conversation about depression and anxiety - Cognitive Behavioral Therapy to work on one's "limiting beliefs" and "destructive thought patterns" can only do so much to help you feel better when your whole life is shit anyway. And it can actually make it WORSE if the victim is made to believe that their depression is the fault of their "Faulty thoughts" rather than a reasonable reaction to a shitty situation. Not necessarily saying we should throw CBT out the window altogether, but I am saying that mental healthcare will be a LOT more effective when it learns to truly take the broader societal context into account. I suspect, I hope, we'll soon be having a simialr conversation around addiction.)

And that’s doubly the case for ab*se survivors. They’re not stuck in that situation because there’s something wrong with them that they need to fix. They’re stuck in that situation because there’s something wrong with the ab*ser.

Regardless of the victim’s personal worth as an individual, regardless of whether they’re a good person or what-have-you, they don’t deserve to be ab*sed.

(I'm just waiting to hear about how some therapist tells a victim to work on their "limiting belief" that they need to stay with their ab*ser in order not to be killed, and/or tells them that fearing their ab*ser will kill them is a "cognitive distortion", and tells them to stand up to their ab*ser and/or leave, and then the ab*ser kills them. But I digress.)

And the loss of self when separating from a toxic system that’s defined your whole life is a real thing some people go through. It’s not bad consider that Aziraphale could also go through that, or to want to see that experience reflected.

I want to be very clear that I don’t have the smallest objection to people wanting to see that in a show. But a. that’s not what the person was saying, and b. they were also saying it’s necessary. IT’S NOT. I can’t emphasize this enough.

Loss of self is the worst-case scenario for how something like that goes. Nothing good comes from that. That is a side effect of ab*se (because the ab*ser’s the one who says that “Everything you are is bound up in me and you’re nothing with me"), not an integral part of the process of getting away.

Trauma is not necessary for character growth.

The way these things should go is that the person is able to gradually and mindfully work through the beliefs that are poisoning them with the help of a therapist, trusted friends, etc.

I know what I’m talking about. I worked in trauma research for over seven years. Please trust me on this one.

And again, Aziraphale can’t “separate” from them anyway. There’s nowhere he can go where they won’t find him. So his beliefs are irrelevant to his situation. And if the show implies that his beliefs “need to change” as part of the earth being set free from heaven-hell’s tyranny, or that he “needs to change” in order to be free, I will be writing a strongly-worded letter to the creators.

But more importantly, *they didn’t just say giddy.* They also said apprehensive. Perhaps they’re apprehensive because they know it could be painful to watch. Or because they don’t want to see it handled poorly.

“Giddily apprehensive” sounds an awful lot like “excited” to me. I admit it is ambiguous, though, so I’ll give you that one. I maintain that the OP expressed themselves with an exceptional lack of grace, however. And fwiw, they’d be FAR from the first person to want to see Aziraphale suffer because they are mad at him. I think I have good reason to believe that's what they're getting at here, given how many people in the poster's orbit say the same kinds of things and how many other things I've seen the OP say that are along those lines. I acknowledge I should have made that clearer in my original post.

They aren’t giving this advice (if one could call it that) to a human. They’re saying they’re excited to see a character breakdown. Character arcs like that are common and enticing for good reason.

I have yet to see a reason why I should believe that the things people say about Aziraphale are different than the things they say about people in real life.

I would point you to a couple lines down where you say yourself that we respond to characters the same way we respond to real people.

Personal growth ≠ character growth.

But what makes a good character is that they act like real people.

As an audience, character growth (even negative) is engaging.

Yes, absolutely. But we can absolutely do character growth in a way that does not spread harmful mindsets or misinformation about what ab*se and recovery from ab*se looks like. In fact, I would argue that character growth can’t happen if the writer doesn’t write the characters to behave in a way that is realistic to real life.

Characters follow the same rules, though. We respond to characters the same way we respond to real people. The same general rules of personal development and so forth apply.

The idea that “Aziraphale realizes his ab*sers are terrible” is something he needs to do for his “personal development” is highly objectionable. He doesn’t need to grow in this area. He just needs his ab*sers to leave him alone. Side note: We should give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he already does think they’re terrible and only stays with them because he is terrified. Even if this hadn’t been strongly and frequently hinted at in every episode going all the way back to S1E1 - almost every scene, in fact - we should still give him the benefit of the doubt.

Also, even if we say, for the sake of argument, that Aziraphale was a terrible, awful, horrible person - I know you’re not saying that, to be clear - even then, he still wouldn’t “need to realize his ab*sers are terrible” or “have a complete breakdown” or “lose himself” in order to grow. That's not how growth works. The best growth happens when people are at peace and safe and loved. Not frightened and confused and alone. He never chose them in the first place, he never wanted to be on their side. If he were left alone, he would just spend the rest of eternity reading his books and eating Eccles cakes and snuggling with his former-demon. That’s who he really is. There’s nothing about him as a person that needs to change. I agree a story where a person loses their sense of self after escaping from an ab*sive system would be interesting to watch, but I maintain that it does not make sense for the context of this particular story. And, such a story would NEED to make clear that the person wasn’t bad or wrong for deriving some part of their sense of self from the ab*ser and that they shouldn’t have had to have a catastrophic breakdown in order to develop their own sense of self. No one should have to go through that.

It’s not the same thing as asking for personal growth from a real human being.

Good characters do not operate according to different emotional and psychological rules than we do, though. If they didn't, we wouldn’t have millions of people sobbing about how real Aziraphale and Crowley feel to them. We would be the biggest dodos in the world if we were reacting this way to paper dolls 😄

Comparing the desire to see a character go through a dramatic storyline like that (and to come out of it strong and shining) to fundamentalist rhetoric is… just total bullshit.

You said this blog has been a good place for you and I want it to continue to be that way for you. So I want to give you a chance to revisit this part and see if you can say something more constructive. Because I've gotta admit, this really made me upset and I can't let it go without saying something. It’s not cool to call someone’s commentary “bullsh*t” like this.

I heard the line “we must die to ourselves” many, many times from the high-control religion of my childhood. It is a classic cult line. Hence why so many cults have "burial and rebirth" rituals, make people change their names, etc.

I am not just making up a comparison. This is a real phenomenon. Controlling ab*sers are the ones who’ve given us this idea that “death of the self” is character growth. It’s not. Character growth happens in spite of those excruciating emotional crises, not because of them.

Growing as a person is supposed to feel good overall. Not always easy, but on the whole, it should be a positive experience.

Also - Again, they said he “needs” to do it.

And they didn’t say anything about Aziraphale “coming out strong and shining”. You added that in. I think it's wonderful that you want to see that for him (so do I) but that’s not what this person was saying

If they'd said that, I wouldn't object to it at all. But they didn't. That part was left out. Which I think may be very telling in itself.

There are a myriad of reasons someone could have that desire, including having gone through something similar themselves.

Having gone through something similar doesn’t necessarily mean it makes sense for another character. It also doesn’t mean it’s necessary. And having been through something that went a certain way does NOT mean that it happening that way makes sense for someone else.

Deconstruction from a religious upbringing is different from leaving an ab*sive relationship

Aziraphale doesn’t have religious trauma. (I’m not going to talk much about religious trauma and deconstruction here, because it’s outside the scope of this blog, largely because - as attested by no less an authority than Neil Himself - Good Omens is not about religion. But I’ll say a little bit.)

Heaven and hell are not a “religion” in his world - they’re real. His fear of hell (and of heaven) is absolutely, one hundred percent, completely legitimate and appropriate, and NOT something he should be “reasoned” out of. Saying otherwise gives “your ab*ser isn’t actually that evil and scary”. But regardless, in either scenario, that kind of traumatic personal crisis is not a necessary part of the healing process. My heart aches for all the people whose deconstruction process was emotionally shattering. But what makes it ache even more is how for so many of them, the takeaway is somehow that that kind of crisis is necessary - rather than "dear god, i hope no one else ever has to go through that kind of hideous experience to get away from their shitty religion", which surely is what the takeaway should be (assuming there even is a lesson to be learned at all from an experience like that, which is doubtful) - and they go on to demand it of other survivors and gatekeep against people who haven't gone through the exact same thing they did in the process of getting away.

How, HOW did we get to a point where so many people’s deconstruction is a fucked-up, scarring experience that we think it’s inevitable for deconstruction to be that way????? I grieve.

I know the idea of killing one’s old self is inherently wrong to many people.

It’s not about whether it’s *wrong*. If that's valid for someone and they get where they need to be - you do you. It’s about the fact that it’s painful and it’s unnecessary to the process of growth.

Furthermore, it is the kind of thing ab*sers WANT to see happen to their victims when they leave. They want victims to think that they have to have that kind of crisis if they want to leave them. Because then they’re less likely to leave. When we encourage that kind of thinking, we are playing directly into their hands.

What should happen is that the victim should be given the opportunity to realize that all along there was much more to them than their ab*ser.

I don’t personally desire to watch Aziraphale do that, especially because there are so many wonderful aspects of the Angel he’s been since the beginning

Agreed.

But fwiw, this is giving a faint whiff of perfect victim syndrome. Even if he were an asshole, he still deserves to just have his ab*sers leave him alone, not to have some kind of shattering, soul-crushing emotional breakdown. They will always, always be worse than him.

but it’s not wrong to want to see that. People do go through it, and their stories are incredibly compelling.

I don’t disagree. For me it’s rather about the place this is coming from. OP was saying it’s necessary. There’s a difference between wanting to see a show address this issue overall because it’s interesting, and demanding that a specific character go through it because you think it’s necessary, or that their process of leaving and healing won't be legitimate (or whatever word we wanna use) if it doesn't happen.

And, as you said, it doesn’t make sense for Aziraphale. If the character is an asshole, I’d be able to see it a little more (although again, I still very much question the entire idea in the first place) But he's not an asshole. I find anyone’s thinking it “makes sense” for him to be highly questionable.

I know Aziraphale is much more than a character to many people

Speaking as a (very, very, very slightly, lol) professional writer and actor - every character should be “more than a character”, if they’re well-written. They should feel real if the writer and/or actor has done their job well. I like NG's line that "If you write someone who is utterly and completely themselves, you get people coming up to you and going 'Oh my God, you wrote my life!'

a desire to watch him go through a psychological breakdown is not some poorly concealed desire to watch real people go through that.

It may or may not be. I agree that it isn't always.

In this person’s case, though, I very much did get concerning vibes. Poorly concealed. (As an ab*se survivor, you start to know the vibe of victim-blamers after awhile.)

Regardless, though, the way we respond to characters is the way we respond to people in real life. Story is a primary vehicle through which people learn how to interact with one another and their environment. If it wasn’t, discussing media along these lines would be pointless, and I'd just spend all my time talking about how good David Tennant looks in those tight pants 😁 Or, probably, I would take up a different hobby altogether.

I wouldn’t have wasted my time starting this blog if the things people say about this story and especially about Aziraphale didn’t have real-world applications (not to mention making a lot of ab*se survivors feel very unsafe in the fandom - before we turned off anonymous asks, I got an average of two messages a day from ab*se survivors and other oppressed people telling them how this blog has made them feel so much safer in the fandom) - and if their views about the characters didn’t mirror the kinds of things they’d say about people in real life. (All the anti-Aziraphale autiphobic takes come to mind.) I flatter myself I have enough judgment that those takes wouldn't have troubled me so deeply if they weren't reflective of real-world societal problems and indicative of problematic attitudes in the people who write them.

In this case, the wording is identical to the kinds of problematic things people say about real-life victims/survivors. Yes, the person may not actually consciously want (or want at all) to see real-life ab*se victims/survivors suffer. But I absolutely, one hundred per cent guarantee you that anyone saying this has some major problematic biases/assumptions that are contributing to how ab*se survivors are maligned, degraded, and oppressed in our society. (I never want to see Disabled people suffer, but if I say ableist things, I’m contributing to it whether I mean to or not. I may not want to see women suffer, I am a woman, well more or less anyway lol, and I've identified as a feminist my entire adult life, but nevertheless there have certainly been times in the past when I've said sexist things. It's something all of us will always have to be vigilant against in ourselves. I suspect at this point I'm preaching to the choir, because you do not strike me at all as a bigoted or ignorant person, but I figured I'd re-iterate all that again anyway, because screaming it through a megaphone as often as possible is what this blog is for lol. :)

And what’s worse, they are spreading that rhetoric. I’ll be damned if I’ll let it go by without saying something.

Hope this makes sense and cleared some things up.

With love and respect,

Mod X.

[fatsamsgrandslamspeakeasy]

Justice has been served on November 5th and 6th, 2024!

Congratulations to our true POTUS, Donald J Trump, on your rightful win as POTUS #47!

A huge FUCK YOU to a huge list of crybaby so-called "celebrities". The list is so huge, I apologize to anyone who I may leave out: Taylor Swift, Harrison Ford, Cardi B, Jesse The Nobody Ventura, Mick Foley, Robert DeNiro, Stephen (Pedo) King, Jennifer Lopez, Whoopi Goldberg, Quentin Tarantino, Mark Hammil, Christina Applegate, John Cusack, Wendell Pierce, George Clooney, Katy Perry, Cher, Mark Ruffalo, Meryl Streep, Rob (Meathead) Reiner, Miley Cyrus, Lena Dunham, Alec Baldwin, Amy Schumer, Chelsea Handler, Zendaya, Angelina Jolie, Lady Gaga, Rosie O'Donnell, George Takei, America Ferrera, Madonna, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Jack Black, Will Smith, Barbara Streisand, Trevor Noah, Charlie Sheen, Johnny Depp, Stephen Colbert, Susan Sarandon, Jimmy Kimmel, LeBron James, Ben Stiller, Samuel L Jackson, Bette Midler, Jane Fonda, Ellen (Degenerate) DeGeneres, Eminem, Harpo, Richard Gere, Bruce Springsteen, Chris Evans, Alyssa Milano, Chrissy Teigan, George Lopez, The View hosts, Pope Francis.......

No true patriot gives a flying fuck what y'all think. Go back to your perverted Hollywoodland, and keep y'alls MF-ing mouths shut while y'all cry rivers of tears. Y'all and y'alls' sick demented fans and followers should crawl into a hole and disappear forever. Better yet, if y'all ain't totally full of shit, and wish to leave America, the Great....I would be only too happy to personally pay for y'alls 1 way ticket the hell out of here! Good bye and good fuckin' riddance........

An even bigger FUCK YOU to: Alvin Bragg, Letitia James, Fani Willis, Juan Merchan, Arthur Engoron, Lewis Kaplan, Merrick Garland, Mehdi Hasan, Tanya Chutkan, Jack Smith, Shenna Bellows, Jena Griswold, George and Alex Soros and of course.... Joe Biden. Y'all led a witch hunt against an innocent man, tried unconstitutionally to get his name off of state ballots, convict him of bullshit crimes, imprison him, empower the DOJ as a weapon against him, simply because he dared to love our country's freedom by opposing your NWO Globalist masters. Because of the rhetoric that y'all helped spread, y'all are directly responsible for the attempts by the crazy leftists loonies who tried to take this great man's life. Thank God that you failed in that attempt. Y'all should be ashamed of yourselves, but when y'all look in the mirrors, y'all must recognize the true Fascists that have been in power for way too long.....yourselves! Each and every one of y'all is an indelible stain on the American Way of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. History will NOT be kind to any of y'all. Y'all do understand that your un-American actions were crucial in getting DJT re-elected. Live with that knowledge daily, as it burns a hole in each of y'alls miserable stomachs.

FINALLY: a well-deserved FUCK YOU to Kamala Harris, puppet extraordinaire to the Globalist regime. It turns out, darlin' that YOU were at the wrong rally, all this time!!!!! You don't get to diss our Lord Jesus and not suffer the consequences. You and your fellow Satanic followers will be finding that out for eternity someday soon, one can only hope! But really, sweettums.....your whole platform was a complete sham and a slap in the face to all hard-working, intelligent, decent Americans. Any true public servant... which you clearly are NOT..... would know that, in order to secure my vote, you need to convince me why I should vote for YOU, not why I should NOT be voting for your opponent. All you had in your arsenal was "Don't vote for Trump, because....". Never once could you say "Vote for me because....." and come up with a legitimate, valid reason why I should cast my vote for you. A lesson that you should have learned long ago! The fact that you didn't, shows you for the charlatan that you are, have been and always will be. The fact that your supporters could not see that is testimony to their brainlessness and/or their indoctrination. Now, please just do the American people a great big favor and pull yourself into a huge hole, go off into oblivion, and leave the adults to clean up the big mess that you and your partners-in-crime have created.

Thank you truly to my friends, family and followers for putting up with me the past 4 years in my time of indignation, depression and rage. While I still plan to keep my blog's finger on the pulse of political events, and especially, any and all injustices that may ensue this historical win, I really need to make this blog more fun and relaxing for myself, the way I initially envisioned it to be. Thanks for putting up with my craziness and for being my support when I felt that the world was going to Hell in a hand basket. I respect and love you all, patriots! Have a blessed day and a great life!

Finally, Thank you to Donald J Trump for being an inspiration to myself and for being a great POTUS for all Americans. Your mantra of FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT will forever be my blueprint of action for future navigation thru turbulent waters.

[fandomworld9728]

The King & Queen of Hell Chapter 1:

Once upon a time, there was a glowing city protected by golden gates, known as Heaven. It was ruled by beings of pure light. Angels that worshiped good and shielded all from evil. Lucifer was one of these angels. He was a dreamer with fantastical ideas for all of creation, but he was seen as a troublemaker by the Elders of Heaven, for they felt his way of thinking was dangerous to the order of their world. So, he watched as the angels began to expand the universe in their ways.

From the dust of Earth, they created Adam and Lilith. Equals of the first of mankind, but despite this, Lilith demanded control and Adam refused to submit to her wills. Lilith fled the garden, determined to make her own way without him.

Drawn in by Adam's love of the garden and his never-ending curiosity, Lucifer found him and the two fell in love. The Elders disliked this new development and made Adam a new bride, Eve. What they didn't expect, however, was for her to bond with Lucifer over their shared love of the first man. Soon, the couple was blessed with two children. Cain and Abel.

The boys thrived in the garden with the guidance of their fathers and Eve. The little family spending many happy days together. Soon, a daughter was born, taking on a more angelic appearance then that of her brothers. Watching the family from beyond the garden, Lilith grew envious and resentful. That could have been her. Should have been her. And so, she sent off to shatter that happiness.

She grew close to Lucifer and over time had convince him to give into his desire and share the magic of Free Will with humanity. Tricking him into giving Eve the Fruit of Knowledge, who gladly accepted. Lucifer's gift to the woman he grew to love and care for came with a curse. With this simple act of disobedience, evil finally found its way into Earth. With it, a new realm of darkness and sin was created, and the order Heaven had worked to maintain was shattered.

As punishment for his reckless act, Heaven cast Lucifer into the dark pit he created, never allowing him to see the good that came from humanity. Only the cruel and the wicked. He wasn't alone though, for Adam had fell with him, not wanting to ever be separated from his love. But not before Heaven stole away their baby girl and left their sons alone on Earth.

They were fortunate to still have those who cared for them enough to look after their children. Eve took care of the two boys as if they were her own sons and Lucifer's brothers and sisters raised their daughter away from the eyes of the Elders. Never once allowing anyone to disrespect their parents and taint their view of them.

Ashamed of what he had done, Lucifer lost his will to dream. But Adam thrived, empowering not only demon kind, but his partner too. Slowly, he pulled Lucifer from his depression, and they made Hell into something livable. Something all their own. As the numbers of Hell grew, so did its power. Threatened by this, Heaven made a truly heartless decision.

That every year, they would send down an army. An extermination to ensure Hell and its sinners could never rise against them. This action, however, had a grave consequence. Adam and Lucifer would not stand by and watch their people being slaughtered. They fought back as best they could to defend them and were eventually joined by their sons who eagerly joined in the fight against the angels.

Adam and Lucifer's hope remained; their dream was passed down to their youngest daughter, the princess of Hell.

Closing the book, Charlie held the key to it close. This story was always her motivator in times of doubt. She could do this! She'd make her parents proud! "Don't worry you two... I'll make you proud."

"Charlie."

Jumping, she turned to see her girlfriend standing at the door with an amused smile. "Oh, fuck! Uh... how much of that did you hear?"

"Just the end of it. You know, you don't have to push yourself so hard for the King and Queen."

"I know. But this isn't just for them. It's for me. For you. For all of Hell! I can't just sit by anymore while they're out fighting for us." It's one of the things Charlie hated about being the youngest in her family. Everyone was always shielding her from what they considered dangerous. 

Though, while she wasn't old enough to join the fight (nor did she have the stomach to kill someone) she was grateful that they taught her what to do when the time would come for her to defend herself and the things and people she cared about.

"I know just-" Sighing, Vaggie couldn't bear to see the woman she loved push herself so hard. "Don't work yourself ragged, okay?"

"No promises~ You know what I'm like when I'm in the zone." Standing, Charlie fixed her hair in the mirror. Maybe she should wear it down like how she reminded her parents telling her Eve used to. Though, it would probably get in the way while she was working. Oh! Maybe she should cut it! Get it short like how most of her family wore their hair.

The splashes of brown in her mostly blonde hair caused her to pause. Charlie looked almost like an exact copy of her parent. The only thing that showed her resemblance to her father were those few dark strands. She wished she had more of his features. Like his eye color. Or a darker complexion to her skin. Or-

"Charlie. Sweetie. We've talked about this. You look fine the way you are."

"Yes, yes, I know Vaggie. I just... can't help it sometimes." Trying to distract herself from those thoughts, she grabbed her appointment book and headed downstairs arm and arm with her partner. "I have a busy day today. Will you be okay to keep an eye on the hotel for me?"

"Of course, babe. You know I got your back. Are you sure you don't want me to come with? Alastor can protect the place just fine."

"I don't want you mixed up in all of this." Not yet anyways. Vaggie still didn't know that she was heir to the throne of Hell. No one seemed to. Which is odd seeing as she looks just like the queen. She'd tell her eventually. Soon! But until then, she wanted to keep Vaggie out of their messy affairs. "I just have a meeting with Cain and Abel this morning. Then after lunch I'll head to the Embassy to meet with Lilith."

"Wait. The King and Queen are sending you to meet with the leader of the Exterminations?"

"Everyone else is busy. Plus, it's a great way for me to pitch the hotel to Heaven."

"I'd feel better if you had someone going with you... Lilith is a real bitch. Or so I've heard."

She was right. Charlie had met Lilith once before this. Her being a real bitch was an understatement. "Okay, then I can see if one of the twins would be willing to come with me. But, again, everyone is busy. So, I doubt they'd be able to."

"Let me-"

"Vaggie. Please. I'll be okay."

"Perhaps I should accompany our dear Charolette."

Alastor. The fallen angel didn't like the guy on a good day. However, anyone would be better than Charlie going alone. "What do you think?"

"I... guess it couldn't hurt? I mean, Alastor is an Overlord."

"Delightful!"

Next >

[inventors-fair]

Decisions: One-Word Removal Commentary

As I'm wrapping up writing the commentary now, I'll say that this was a pretty interesting week all around, and it's led me to a strange conclusion: designing cards is hard. Really hard. And depending on what you're looking for fulfillment-wise, some things might be asked of you as custom designers that just aren't your area, and that's a judging conundrum.

I'd like to think that I'm an okay player and that I'm decent enough at judging power levels of cards. I'd also like to think that I have a good critical understanding of how a card's flavor works and how it would appear in the world. Sometimes asking for that marriage is all about vibes. Sometimes it feels like I'm asking for the same stuff over and over again in these writeups, but it's not because of anyone's fault on the submission side. It's the concept of custom card design in general.

Nobody in the real Magical design universe is going to be challenged to design a card based on a one-word prompt. Similarly, nobody would expect the exploratory designers to know the flavor text and artistic intent of the cards that they design. But we're not working in those fields. We're presenting a card as the best that it can be in all respects, because most of our knowledge of how cards work come from the other end of the production line: as consumers. We take cards in with all their glory, and the love of making cards can come from any number of places along the process of a card's journey to a booster foil.

What I want to express here is that these contests ask for a lot. They ask for a whole hell of a lot from you on the other side, because you have to go through every part of the process of designing a card to land at the feet of a vibe check. This is turning into just a rambling question of "what's it mean to be an Inventor here?" but it kinda matters. Doesn't it? Think about what you're doing here vs. what you'd be doing in a design team. Different worlds. Makes you wonder.

JUDGE PICKS are cards I wanted to show off because they were still really cool and/or because we have limited podium space and/or because I play favorites with my nostalgia and lived experience. ... Kidding. Mostly. On with the show!

@bread-into-toast — Falsify

For me, there's a discrepancy between the really cool mechanics of this card and the intent of the flavor going into it. Does it signify that the amount of information you've gathered allows for you to more easily falsify the target's existence? See, you picked a really awesome word for the destructive aspect, and I feel that the onus of the verb relies less on how easy it is for you to empower the spell (cost reduction for power) and more about what exactly happens when one "falsifies" a target. But there are plenty of spells that don't really have to worry about that, like Withering Torment. I dunno, maybe I also expected more from the flavor text? It's a cool callback to Festerleech. I had actually forgotten about that.

I guess part of me also doesn't really feel the connection between the Dimir and newspapers as a form of information control, especially when the headline is as tongue-in-cheek as this. It almost feels more like an OTJ headline to me? Ugh, I don't want to talk about connected threads and my lack of coherence that I'm mistaking for a lack of cohesion. The name, cost, and mechanics are all really great. There could be something in the setting/flavor that's not tying it together, but it could also just be a personal taste kind of deal. The humor that comes from the conflict between the Gruul and Dimir with the fantasy headlines can be done right for the right audience. For an effect this brutal, I usually have the association with that brutality, and while I said I didn't need grimdark as much from this contest—I mean, this would've been the place to do that, right? 

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@brookeuwo — Beewitch

I really don't know why the creation of the token is tied to a trigger at the end there. I mean, sometimes you have creatures with enter abilities that can then be responded to, but I can't find any precedent for why this card wouldn't just be "Destroy target creature or planeswalker. Create..." etc. Here's what I'm thinking happened: this card came about after the name, and the intent is to show that there's a bee witch who's casting the spell that destroys its nemesis. You have to have the spellcaster to cast the spell. Right? The issue is that rules-wise, there's no reason for this not to just follow the gameplay precedent. If you destroyed something and then created the token, people would get the gist right away all the same.

Even if you didn't use a pun name and went with "Bewitch," the transmutation of something becoming a bug would probably be just as recognizable. See Bake into a Pie, for example. If you want this as an uncommon, 2UB would probably be the best cost for that IMO. Backing up a lot, though... I started writing about the spirit of the contest, but I'm not gonna be a killjoy here. I think I would have preferred a more organic pun and I'll leave it at that. This visual leaves a lot of room for a flavorful situation and a placement of character to bring it to life. Without some of that backing, I feel that this is a card that relies too much on the pun. It's still lacking a little bit of the justification for me outside the fact that it's a card-doing-the-thing. What can you add to make the world of the card matter as much as the effect here?

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@capnsoapy — Liquidate

And now we have the other form of liquidate! I'll be honest, I'm writing these in a weird order so I don't know how much that sentence makes sense, but it's nice to see that there are parallels here with what words came to folks' minds for killspells. I do wish that we had had some kind of elaboration here, though, because while this card is great, I want a little bit more around it, y'know? What's the flavor behind what's being liquidated, is this an act of genuine bureaucracy or is it more insidious, is this just Orzhov or is there another world where this card is taking place, etc.—what more can you show me about the impact?

On-board, though, it's a pretty dastardly uncommon. I'm reminded, of course, of An Offer You Can't Refuse, although this is less responsive but kinda more powerful in limited. Grabbing artifacts and creating Treasures might not be the best strategy but can be necessary. Permanently yeeting a creature in exchange for Treasure is usually a pretty good trade in the late game. I think the choice to make this a sorcery was correct, and even at two mana... Man, that's the real question, right? An inexperienced player would snap this off against U/R/G decks, though, and they'd get punished for it; an experienced player would hold on and let those usually mana-hungry decks power through. I think I'm a real fan of this design. I still want to hear what you'd have in mind for fleshing the world, though, because the card is lacking a lot of that backdrop.

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@corporalotherbear — Cleanse (JUDGE PICK)

I actually didn't know that "targeted permanent" was usable terminology; it hasn't been used for a while, but the fact remains that it's usable all the same! Runesword and Acidic Dagger appear to be the only two, so I do appreciate the fact that this is a novel approach to how targeted removal can be worded. All in all, this card is definitely looking to be a planeswalker-hating spell with good workarounds for various artifacts and +1/+1 environments. The WW could be a bit high sometimes, but removal is removal in the worst-case scenario. Whatever environments this card could appear in, having it in a counter-heavy set just makes sense. Ikoria comes to mind.

The flavor text feels a little general along with the name, but it's not generic. It's well-written to the point of me wanting a little bit more. Honestly, as I'm writing through the remaining cards for commentary, this is just one of those strong entries that's missing something I can't fully suggest or complete in my imagination, and that's really all that I would add. The character you've given here clearly has the vindictive tone of specific hatred, and this card is just plain Cleanse—like one would clean a plate or a shoe. The dismissal and the near-zealous mood is so close, and only a little bit of AD would've pushed it over for me. I also have to recognize that when all the text is precise and presented, not everyone wants to add any artistic stuff because, well, that's not the point of card design. That's understandable! With a card that's making me ask for that vision so much, I still would want it. This is less commentary about the card itself as it is commentary on how this particular contest works at this point. One-word cards ask for a LOT from you outside the design.

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@dabudder — Apprehend

Put on the sirens and get out the lassos and etc., there's a new bounce spell in town. Maybe this is gaming the contest a bit, but I loved OTJ mechanically and I loved committing crimes (in the game of Magic: the Gathering). Having that spelled out as punishment for committing a crime would've been something that should've appeared on exactly one card because, well, nobody wants to be punished for it in-game. Is this the card to do it? Eh, I can see it happening! Stunning a creature is a crime in itself, as it goes, and I think it's funny that the commitment would be a crime to your opponents. Whose Crime is it anyway?

The thing about bounce spells is the fact that responding to crimes makes using this card sometimes worse depending on when you want to cast it. Here's a question: when does this card check for a crime to be committed? If you target something you want to tap and it's before a crime has been committed against you, could an opponent commit a crime and force a bounce? Does this card check for crime at time of casting or at time of resolution? That would be something to account for, because being able to force a bounce could significantly help your opponent with ETBs or plotting, if this is still an OTJ-kinda set. I really don't know how you'd change the wording for that, but it's something to think about. Otherwise, I really like how this card turned out vibes-wise! I'd personally give the FT an exclamation point and also spell out what a crime is when committed against you in reminder text.

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@dimestoretajic — Brouhaha

"Downgrade" and "upgrade" are kinda throwing me in the flavor text, not gonna lie. I think I'm able to grasp the gist of this card's semi-intended flavor, though, and even without AD I can picture some kind of D&D-style brawl in a tavern or town square. I guess that's it? The word of choice is pretty great, honestly, and I was going over the wording in my head but this is the cleanest way to do so that I could come up with. Good job there. Smallest of notes about the flavor text while I'm on the horn here: the quotes around 'melee' and 'splat' go after the comma/period. General note.

Mechanically, though! Whoof. Resolving this spell would be kind of a nightmare at first on a busy board. Obviously this kind of card couldn't be rare, because the first mode is fairly anemic, but that's the thing: this whole card suffers a little bit from the fact that it's not necessarily going to leave you in a good spot. Even if everything is bigger, well, you can't guarantee you're going to hit the thing you want to hit. "At random" is fine for repetition and limits, I think, but removal is a stretch. Chaos is the intent of Magic's randomness, though. Maybe that's the point you were going for. I guess I can buy that. I'd also never play this card, though, and I can't think of a situation where I'd really like it in a deck. I want to rig my fights, as it were.

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@feyd-rautha-apologist — Reforge

At time of writing this card doesn't have a shuffle clause. If you're reading this exact sentence and it hasn't been struck out, then this card still doesn't have a shuffle clause. I'mma talk about it as if it does, though, and we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. What's up with the cost on this card? For five mana I could be playing spells that annihilate a good number of artifacts, maybe even all of them. There's no tutoring attached, sure, but what's the proper cost for a (limited) Open the Armory and Shatter together? I think that this card could've been four mana for sure, even three if it was rare. I get the worries about tutoring and whatnot; I feel that you may have pushed a little farther in the other direction.

Still, awesome effect, and seeing the description of a Phyrexian re-welding is pretty amazing for intended flavor. The fact that we've seen plenty of cards in the past referencing "reforging" without actually having the card name is a bit of a wasted opportunity and I think that, if they were to print a card with that name, it would almost precisely resemble this one. There could've been a line of flavor in there, IMO, but you're doing great work with veteran Magic players for how this particular iteration wants to be portrayed. Kaladesh, Kaldheim, Zendikar... I think that it's also a multi-planar kind of card, another pretty cool aspect to its presentation. Hey, the strengths we got are really strong! I'm still urging you to sand some of those edges.

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@fionn-o-nassus — Puree

Haha. Ew. Let's get the really good stuff out of the way: this card's a visceral piece that knows exactly what it wants to do. You've got nonartifact destruction into blood, and there's some greasy grimy guy-guts all over the place. The name suggests some gross-out B-movie death, and I think that this card doesn't need to apologize for a dang thing. Sticking to your guns is important. In terms of the costing and formatting, though, there's a lot I want to drill in. Firstly, let's compare this four-mana sorcery to the two-mana instant Go for the Throat. The question is, for premier limited: is it worth the extra cost and timing for a Blood? I would argue no. A three-mana sorcery would be fine, probably, or a BB sorcery, or however else you want to push it. Having this effect for 3B makes it nearly unplayable. I'd be a lot more down for 3B if it made, like, 2-3 Bloods, though.

Secondly, small note, but "Create a Blood token" could've gone onto the first line; if the intent was to have it be a separate effect, that's understandable but not necessary. Thirdly, wording notes: "nonartifact" is a single word in Magic, and Blood should be capitalized. Lastly, here's why I've been drilling in art direction as a tool in people's arsenal: the flavor text is only half-necessary here, i.e. you only need the first half to make it work. Using art direction to describe a room where an inspector is standing in a pool of greasy red sludge with greenhorns getting sick and horrified behind them—we wouldn't need the whole second half, and like, that's what we would be seeing for the art, so it doesn't need to be described here. Does that make sense? The full picture of the card, which is what we're designing for these contests, allows for players to fill in the intuitive blanks. Side note, but I like that whole "Call off the autopsy" gist here. I do feel that there's a good foundation here.

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@frognarch — Repurpose

I think it was pointed out that Break Down was a card that was precedent for this kind of effect. I've never played with the Fallout stuff, so I didn't really know that that card existed, so I got to see this card through fresh eyes, and I am overall pretty pleased with it! I think that the right environment could utilize this card far better than something like a core set or what have you, but the intent is for sure Mirrodin-esque, so that checks out. Limited environments with artifact-heavy matchups would probably sideboard this for sure. Maybe there would be a place for it in whatever premier constructed meta there was, but artifacts haven't been in vogue for a while now for some reason. Who knows? The flashback is definitely an interesting touch.

It's a shame that Junk is the name of the token, because the name "Repurpose" feels so much less like the junkification of a myr—except if you're Tommy Pico, I suppose. Creating junk tokens without having to destroy artifacts could just turn this card into a three-or-six-mana cantrip, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Hm. You know what, I actually like the forced creation aspect of the flavor, now that I think about it more. "You must repurpose this metal. You must try again." I mean, personally I like this card. It's also against some stiff competition this week, so with the exception of adding flashback's reminder text (which is something that I would do but that might not be necessary in some environments), I don't think this card needs any specific changes. Flying too close to precedent really is its only major flaw. I like the camera's emotional distance here, because this card isn't trying to tug at heartstrings as much as it's displaying the outcome of a repurposed world. Y'know?

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@genericaura — Disembowel

Granted, there already is a card with the name Disembowel, but let's break this one down all the same because it's a really good name. I think the question that's unanswered here is what the name/flavor have to do with the mechanics specifically, because I don't exactly see what losing abilities has to do with the minotaur's rectangular wound. A minotaur is also certainly one choice here, because...well, I've never known minotaurs for being tight-lipped and demure myself, but that's a minor question. Aside from that, the problem is with what this card is able to do vs. what it wants to do. When you look at cards like Soul Sear, those force the abilities to be lost so that the spell can get through the damage that would otherwise not affect it. With this card, losing abilities might prevent death triggers, but what else would that accomplish, exactly?

I think the way for this card's power/potential to be realized would be to have all creatures lose all abilities for a turn before you destroy something; otherwise, this turns into a multicolored Murder by any other name at sorcery speed. If all creatures lose all abilities, then you can actually target something that would have ward or hexproof or protection, and yeah the cost might have to be higher, but then this card can do so much more with the really cool idea that you've presented here. I love having temporary mass Humility myself, and that would actually encourage me to build a control deck based around it! This one, however, isn't lighting my world on fire, and leaves me both wanting and questioning. Why rectangular? Is it a clean hole? What about the mess of disemboweling? I feel another whole flavorful direction should've been made to suit the interesting abilities presented for sure.

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@greensunzenith — Deny

I dunno. Spending WUUB to Cremate something doesn't feel great here. I know that's the least powerful of these effects but it's also situational in a way that the first two exile effect don't seem to be worried about. Could this have been worded in a way to exile an entire graveyard, as an option? What is this card missing from its mechanics? Denial, as a tool, makes sense for the exile of spells and permanents, although I'm not sure if I would've centered Blue as the most prominent color myself. What's the balance here? The more I think about this card, the more it unfortunately feels like a first draft of an idea that could've been an awesome mythic removal card but which suffers from a lack of time in the oven.

With all that, not having flavor text is a massive miss here. Even if you're going to use Watchmen art, you don't have to have a quote as FT as long as you explain what's happening, yeah? If you imagined that this would just be a Watchmen-themed card, having a quote from the book would've been much better than what's happening here. I'm lost enough without the richness of detail that I can't even pick up what the intention might be for a larger sense of flavor in the world. Once again, first draft energy. I think that future iterations, of this card or others, will benefit from a more intentional and cohesive construction on all fronts.

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@i-am-the-one-who-wololoes — Snowslide

[Art direction: A snowy mountain can be seen under the viewer, occupying the majority of the frame. An avalanche is rumbling down to the valley and you can see various people riding it (a la avalanche riders.) The focus is on the avalanche, the mood is "this is dangerous, someone is going to get hurt".]

This card is a near-functional reprint of Melt Terrain, slash Poison the Well, slash Despoil. I dunno if this was supposed to be kind of a vintage callback, but now we have this card, and I'm not...sure if I can comment on it, exactly? I can say that land destruction has fallen out of favor or that it's not that strong for limited play, but these are things we've heard from designers again and again. I'm sorry, but I really don't have a specific mechanical angle that hasn't been said already.

As for the flavor, I am a fan of the extreme-sports vibes here. Naming the name of the card in the flavor text is a little odd to me, but that's also not the most uncommon when it comes to named events, so I get where you're coming from there. The choice to make this an environmental story about these extreme riders was sensible, especially without a quote. It's giving me that sense of someone describing the world of a roleplaying campaign in some ways, talking about the world and its inhabitants. I feel that the damage clause isn't as closely connected to the events being depicted, but I guess someone is going to get hurt in the snowslide, so that's fair. The flavor gets a thumbs-up from me. Sorry there's not as much to say mechanically.

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@izzet-always-r-versus-u — Spaghettify

I remember opening a foil Kiku's Shadow from an old booster pack many moons ago. I really like the effects of cards that punish creatures for their own power in the aggressive matchups. Squared PT boxes  can often make this a perfect kill-spell in most circumstances, to the point where I might wonder if having this be 2B might be better? It's strong enough to kill nearly everything, but with the bigger-toughness creatures this is a fair enough combat trick. Damage is one thing, but withering it down affects math in a really interesting way to me. Playtesting would reveal whether that strength at that cost would be worth it or not.

Stretching it out is the flavor aspect of this all, and once again I'm glad that you're a strong writer in the science fiction space (as well as overall). It's a know-your-audience kind of thing, because as much as genre is a lie and divisions in fiction are arguably blurred, Magic in a space travel set makes little to no sense to me. And now, after thirty seconds of an internet search, I've learned about Edge of Eternities, and... I really should just let folks do a sci-fi/space contest sometime so I can get off my high horse and get all this crap out of my system. Is that all I got against this card? Probably. I think I'd be better of tossing this to the public for judgment on that front, because by all accounts it's a fine card and it's depicting the event just fine. I am not the right audience to praise this card for its deserved merits, and my frustration at Magic's creative side is no excuse to call this card bad by any means.

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@lanabutnotdelray — Scrub

I don't think I've been more curious to see what someone was thinking of for visuals than you were for this one. I mean, there are a lot of super cool ways to go about it, but how horrific is this compared to how silly it can be? One angle is that Jaral is too enthusiastic about their position, and after a vigorous archive cleansing session they've accidentally'd a colleague into oblivion, but the other side speaks to a world where Jaral is part of a cabal that erases the records from oblivion and the ones who spoke those records along with them. The swing between these modes is discordant enough to make me question the intent, but putting my own two cents in here, I'm leaning towards insidious, just because.

Five-mana removal in limited that can also hit graveyards is pretty cool. I doubt that anyone would just be choosing the grave-purging option, but it would be really funny if they did for whatever reason. Ah well, instant-speed exile is probably fine for a premier set these days, and there's not a whole lot to say beyond that. The flavor of scrubbing was a fine choice for a word and it's presented in a way that makes sense and speaks to flavorful options that would be super easy to pick up on with just a little more push. Fine stuff overall, I say.

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@levelzeo — Ignore

Shroud is the sticking point for me here for the mechanics. It's frustrating that it makes sense for all intents and purposes, but the hard truth is that shroud as a tool just isn't something that's used these days and for good reason. Actually, here's a good question for you—you personally, and then extended to whoever's reading this: how familiar are you with Magic development, Mark Rosewater's blog, and/or commentary about Magic's developmental changes over the years? Following that, how long have you been playing Magic? I'm really curious if this is a case of just using what feels like the best tool despite contemporary design choices, or if you weren't as familiar with where shroud stands in Magic right now. Regardless, I feel it, but I wouldn't use it, y'know?

As for the rest of this card, though, you've captures a heck of a mood. It would take a skilled artist to recreate that exact vibe you're going for, and it's one awful vibe. In a good way! The card and the mood are aligned perfectly to me. Even without having shroud, it would be awesome—and unfortunately, yeah, gameplay would trump flavor for that. But being unable to be heard and seen is pretty awesomely represented; maybe having protection from its owner would suffice, although protection is also fringe, and it would be an uncommon IMO. Might still need to be. In the flavor text, I'd replace "Assure me that" with "Tell me" just for dialogue flow, but it's awesome in isolation. ... I guess every part of this card is "in isolation," huh.

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@melancholia-ennui — Shift

Phasing is a weird little thing. It's a weird little thing with a few weird little problems and I...don't know how I feel about this card! I think I want objectively to say that it's fine because phasing is a tertiary-ish tool that's being used nowadays as part of blue's toolbox. Why a counter, though? I think if this card was passing through the stages of design, I would've suggested that this be an aura, unless there was an ability-counter-heavy theme like there was in Ikoria. That being said, how many players could readily say what phasing does off the top of their heads? It's semi-deciduous, but the last time we saw it in standard was 2022 with Dominaria United. I feel that a flash enchantment would be more easily understandable myself, but that's Teferi's Curse basically.

That's the gist: keyword counters are a little weird, phasing is a little weird, and putting them together is far weirder (i.e. confusing for the board and memory issues) than you might be giving it credit for. But the idea is fun. If you're just here to have fun, then you have succeeded, and this card would be a pain in the butt for many a custom cube everywhere. Hooray! I think that idea is sound and difficult to deal with and I say that with love. It's hard to remove without blinking, if you can even do so in whatever you're running outside of blue. And hey, you know what, I have the feeling you know what you're getting into with that, so take my comments with a grain of salt. The other question is the word "chronurgy." Is that clunky to anyone else or is it just me? I like "chronomancy" but that's not the suffix you were going for. I respect that. Words are sometimes just as slippery as time.

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@nine-effing-hells — Overcook

Once upon a time, I baked someone into a pie. And now, they're charred and we're stuck with some very messy tokens. You know, looking at this card, I can understand why you wanted the "plus 2" added there. I also don't know why I'm feeling that it's too strong, because for a multicolor uncommon damage spell, it's really not? Just BR, kill an X/1, make a Food—that all tracks to me. Late game frying is pretty nasty, which is fun, and I like the notion of you playing into Asmoxyzculdicarheymacarena's kitchen space with the BR overlap, even if that's not the intended flavor. The flavor of this card's distant cousin, Bake into a Pie (and others), is kinda insidious, but where would this land? Kitchen accident, or Rakdos bonfire gone wrongright?

That's where I'm mildly frustrated with this card, because there's basically no direction on that and I don't understand why there's not. But, hey, other folks have mentioned that it's not their strong suit and/or they didn't have the time and space for it. I understand that sometimes it's just not there for the design part of the actual design. I'm writing this before the general spiel, so I'm going to add the point there when I get to it, but when a contest like this only allots so much context to the one word, building around that word takes a lot more than just mechanics alone might give you. I'm still curious and would like to know what you imagined the direction for this card to be.

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@piccadilly-blue — Wither (JUDGE PICK)

There's the not-conundrum conundrum: what's the difference between this card and a regular kill spell, a -X/-X until end of turn? For one, setting this card on Amonkhet piques the interest of the -1/-1 counter crowd, and for two, there really is a specific type of enfeeblement where even temporary buffs wouldn't save this creature for more than a turn. Giant Growth? Nada. There's no active way to save it with conventional combat tricks. I like that a lot! And I'll be honest, I read the little blurb about the game that inspired this card, and I straight-up forgot already. I'm afraid that I'm raising an interested eyebrow at this card for its own merits.

I think taking "part of" out of the flavor text might've strengthened it a little bit, but the gist of the quote is both internally sideways-clever as a reference to cycling on Amonkhet, and just a good brutal quote overall. We know who's saying it, and we know what the mood is: combative, domineering, hierarchical. Mechanics-wise, which kinda matters, having the 1BB as a cost is probably the most balanced for the effect. It's kinda like uncommon Murder plus counter synergy, and yeah, the double-pips matter there. I actually read the life loss as life gain for some reason, and I think that there might be an argument for this being potentially BB? Something like Bitter Triumph as a comparable loss might be worth looking at. I mean, hell, we're 90% of the way there and I'm digging enough of this card to polish rather than directly critique. That's worth a little fist-pump.

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@real-aspen-hours — Chronosiphon

Big dramatic spells are a pinnacle of the rare slot. Extra turn spells, well, not as much but they're a delight to me and so I'm happy to see them here. I was wondering about why the extra turn targeted, but then it's like, oh, yeah, any sort of protection makes that moot. I'm surprised that you didn't go for "Exile up to one target creature" with that consideration, because eight mana for an extra turn isn't stellar but it's not the worst thing in the world. What's the going rate for extra turns at this point? I think that because of the quad pips, you could've gone for something like six mana and it would've been fine for limited. Constructed, well, that's another story, but asking for that kind of mana feels like a lot. Hm, maybe seven. Exiling a creature is pretty important.

What's also important, at least for this contest, was the impact of the words. And I don't hate the portmanteau that you chose, but it lacks a lot of the punchiness in the spirit of the contest because it's less of a built-upon English word with inherent expectations and more of an amalgam designed to fit the card's needs. Maybe that was more something to intuit rather than something explicitly spelled out in the contest, but I guess that's the technicality here. There's some lack of surprise in the name, I suppose, but despite that the flavor text worked out pretty great. All in all, for this contest the name wasn't what we were after, but you did the best with the vibes and you've got a decent and workable card out of it all the same. Side note: what's up with folks splashing in white for extra turn spells? You're not the first, and I think the last two have been UW instead of straight blue. Ah well, curiosities.

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@reaperfromtheabyss — Manslaughter (JUDGE PICK)

There it is again, that specific gangstery feel. Obviously this would go pretty great in an artifact and graveyard-themed set, and as far as removal goes it's asking a fair amount. I think I would've been okay with this going the Bone Shards route of having two options, but that might've been a lot of text. Dealing that damage might also have made for some power level problems in limited. I...don't know why I'm saying that in the past tense, but whatever, that ain't my problem. This card's power ceiling can be really rough for your opponents if you're running anything with a mana value of 4 or greater, vehicle-wise! There are some big clunkers, I can imagine, that could really make a meal out of some poor blocker. Five, six, seven damage is so hard to come back from.

That is, assuming you're drafting around this card the same way, e.g. you pick vehicles highly after getting this card, and/or if you pick this up you're good for drafting more vehicles than usual. I think the lesson from this card is that it's okay to be super narrow because it's not so narrow that it's impossible, and it's not so broad that the intended specific flavor doesn't come across. Driving a car into someone and/or driving someone in a car into a ditch is pretty much exactly what one would want out of a vehicle/artifact themed removal spell. That flavor text seems really clunky to me for some reason, though. It lacks a little bit of punch that comes with the power. Just dropping it to "Prove it wasn't an accident" could be good, perhaps? The discarded evidence, the wounds impossible to heal from... I mean, the card itself slaps pretty hard, I'd hate to play against it! Fodder Launch comes to mind. I love that card immensely.

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@sparkyyoungupstart — Appall (JUDGE PICK)

Is this some joke about flashing? I wasn't entirely sure what to do with this flavor-wise, but hey, maybe it's just some wizard spell that's about driving someone back by force of whatever. And then there's still the name and the text and a connection that's evading me! I don't want for it to be too dirty, mind, but I do want to hear what you were thinking with that part of this card. If it's simply a good name and effect combination, that's fine, and your new assignment by the end of the week is to draw what you think the card would be depicting, assuming it's not too graphic. Anyway, there's something intriguing about the intended flavor that I wish I had more of, but that seems to be a running theme for these entries at time of writing, so there you go.

Regardless of that—this design space is pretty awesome, the instant speed hard removal (hard enough, anyway) is cool, and I think overall this card does just what you want it to. Playing this would mean drafting kinda hard around flash creatures, but depending on what was in the set, you could make it work. Ikoria did that, right? I'm not sure how many folks got the chance to draft a single round of Ikoria considering the era and everything, but flash was a draft theme there, and while this definitely has a more human feel to it, it could work in the end. I would like to see this card played, even though someone in actual R&D might caution against it because it's too close to hard removal in blue. Well, I say that it's totally okay at this cost, even if you don't have a single creature with flash, and if you do then you're good to just slap people in the face with every creature following it. Thumbs up from me.

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@taigadecorationno6 — Pact

It's an ambitious name, considering that the word "Pact" is most commonly associated with the Future Sight cycle of zero-mana instants. It's also an ambitious kind of art description—four characters, five hands, arranged...somehow? I'm having a little bit of a hard time visualizing that but I can sort of see the gist. I kinda wanna see how you'd sketch that out, honestly. In a return to the future (or whatever set this may come from) having split second return is a bit of an ask. Personally, I like the mechanic! The idea of this card allowing for an immediate exchange/deal that can't be responded to fits with what you're going for. Balancing these sorts of things in a trigger-happy present can be weird, of course, but weird is what we aim for.

The problem is in the wording of the additional cost. While I can glean intention, this cost doesn't say "permanent you control." It's entirely feasible for someone to claim that they can spend one white mana on an uncounterable instant that exiles one of their opponents' things permanently as a cost while also tucking another. Even if that wasn't the case and you had to exile something that you controlled, I think any format with tokens or zero-drops would be happy to tuck someone's lands at the cost of basically nothing. I'm thinking legacy: opponent plays a land and whatever, passes. You play Scrubland, evoke a Grief, then with Grief trigger on the stack, tap for a white, exile your Grief, tuck their land, make them discard, and now you're up both permanents and information. It's ridiculously strong that this targets any permanent, even at that 'steep' cost. Considerations for limited and standard are one thing, but there's something to be said for eternal brokenness here. I believe this card could've used some closer considerations to the technology of this day and age rather than delving into what feels like complex spaces for the sake of power.

~

@tanknspank — Abrogate

Since I already like this card, I feel it prudent to bop you with a newspaper and remind you and everyone reading: when adding a quote to flavor text on MSE, use Shift+Enter! Anyway. Yeah, it's as standard as it comes, and you kinda already know that, right? My minor actual criticism is that I'd love to see a little bit of art direction here from alive-Teysa's time on the Orzhov throne, or at least what you might've imagined this kind of awesome name to be depicting. I can obviously make stuff up, but that's hardly here or there. The actual significant thing I want to discuss it the rarity. Honestly? I think this can be an uncommon. Hear me out! Even though it's an instant, there's an amount of past precedent that matters here. I was wondering how strong this card would be comparatively, and then there were cards like Gaze of Granite, Karn's Sylex...and I mean, it's just kinda not as strong as it used to be. Or is it? I might have actually just talked myself out of it.

Maybe there's something to be said here for changing times and measures. Destroying a single thing used to have different costs, different ways in which these effects mattered. Hell, Hero's Downfall used to be a premium rare for its planeswalker removal ability, and now it's a bulk uncommon in a core set. How the mighty have fallen indeed. But then we still have cards like Eat to Extinction, Pile On... And those still take up a rare slot that's more or less deserved in their environments. Would this card be good enough? Destroying big stuff for lots of mana in these colors... I don't know. I honestly don't know. My gut says that it could either be pushed down in rarity or up in power somehow. I want to talk about this card but I also know that I don't have the cognitive resources to know what the world of this set might bring. I seriously want to hear discussion on this from other folks. I'm struggling here! I like this card but not enough to give it the vindication that it might still rightly deserve. Not gonna lie, I'm doubting myself here.

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@wildcardgamez — Unravel

I feel that "repeat this process" isn't exactly what this card is looking for; something closer to Chain of XYZ might've resulted in an more grokable card. Perhaps: "Target creature gets -1/-1 until end of turn. Then you may pay 1 life. If you do, copy this spell and you may choose new targets for it." After all, if someone casts a protection-type of spell in response, that would make sense, but what about choosing a new target? They'd essentially have to wait for this spell to resolve, and so all the further targets would essentially be impossible to protect from, and that really doesn't grok or play well. I think the gist is solid, but the method of execution is highly convoluted.

All the same, it's not a bad base idea. I'm surprised that this name hasn't been done before. I'm not surprised that paying life for black spells has shown up at least one other time this week, heh. I'm reminded of a few repeatable -1/-1 effects, and in limited, there's this really strong manner of destruction that can occur post-combat that makes your attacks so much more effective, and this card could blow some games out of the water with that. Is this intended to be set on Duskmourn? Innistrad? I'm not sure, but I get that sense well enough that this is a horrific place to sleep in general. The "this wasn't what he had in mind" does feel like a 'sitcom' ending, though; I'd rather have some detail about the room, the sleep, some kind of twist... Details bring these things to life, and maybe there's something to be said for the quality of dark humor there that matches an established verbal trope. Doesn't do anything for me, but I will concede that there's an argument in its favor.

~

Endings! Endings are weird. But after a whole lotta entries, well, we're here. Thanks for bearing with as we got this done, and enjoy this week's UB contest.

@abelzumi

[thedustybunny]

Chamomile Kisses - Chapter 1 (Full)

Viktor X Fem!Reader (900+ words)

Enemies to friends to lovers

Chapters 2–6 now available using the tag chamomilekisses

Hi anyone who sees this! This is the full first chapter of the story, I have another lined up ready to post. Please leave a like or comment if you are enjoying this, I’m new to tumblr so it’s motivating seeing people actually interacting with my work. Also I wanted to say that this will be a long series! Thank you!

(How I imagine the new lab)

(How I imagine the clinic section at the front of the lab -couldn’t find credits for either)

You've dedicated over 3 years to the Academy, focusing your expertise on the biological sciences housed in the east wing. Although your background is in Pharmacy, you've embraced herbology to broaden your knowledge. Not only have you delved into the study of plants and their medicinal applications, but you've also become the driving force behind the flourishing herbology clinic.

As time has passed, your natural remedies have gained remarkable popularity, causing your clinic's demand to outgrow its initial, confined space. Hermendinger, your unwavering supporter in establishing the herbology clinic, keenly observed this expansion. Together with the council, he recognized your significant contributions, evident in the substantial revenue you've generated for the academy, second only to the pharmacy in the west wing of the academy.

Recognising your potential and the need for more space, the decision was made to provide you with a considerably larger area to operate your clinic. This shift to the north wing signifies the Academy's investment in your expertise, granting you the canvas to magnify your studies and elevate your herbology clinic to new heights.

You crossed paths with him –Viktor. He strode gracefully through the hall, his imposing form exuding confidence, his lush, chocolate hair swept back, framing his sharp features. His presence was unmatched, the rhythmic click of his cane trailing behind him as he remained engrossed in the papers held tightly in his grip. Click, click, click. In that fleeting moment, he continued on, oblivious to your presence. With boxes in your hands, you carried on your journey, making your way towards the glass door that lay ahead -your gateway to a new clinic and research lab, ushering in a fresh chapter in your life.

Unveiling the array of equipment -flasks, beakers, pipettes, and burettes, you meticulously unpacked within the confines of your lab. Your tools sprawled haphazardly across the surfaces, testament to the meticulous work that lay ahead before your grand opening. Days turned into a whirlwind of activity, just shy of a week's time spent sorting, organizing, and setting up both your plant study equipment and the natural remedies you intended to offer. The final touch awaited completion – the new sign, a masterpiece crafted by the skilled hands of the handyman. Amidst this transition, you had the privilege of meeting a multitude of new faces you hadn't encountered before. The wing you now called home specialized in engineering and experimental sciences, a vibrant tapestry of innovation and intellectual exploration. Among these new acquaintances was Jayce, who took it upon themselves to extend a warm welcome. It was Jayce who gave you more insight on Viktor, an introverted workaholic, reserved but with a kind and genuine heart.

Empowered by Jayce's insight, you mustered the courage to break the ice. As dusk settled in, and the lab doors were left ajar in anticipation of Jayce's return to close up, you seized the chance to observe Viktor. His absorption in his work was evident, his focus absolute as he remained oblivious to the world around him, including your discreet presence.

Over time, your late nights at the lab unveiled an intriguing pattern – the faint click of Viktor's walking stick at precisely 11 pm, marking his departure for the day. Today marked a turning point, the day you would take that leap and talk to him, setting in motion an unconventional relationship that would undoubtedly shape the chapters of your journey ahead.

As the clock struck 11 pm, you found yourself outside Viktor's lab, heart racing with a mix of anticipation and nervousness. Tonight was the night you had decided to introduce yourself and hopefully initiate a connection with the enigmatic man who had piqued your curiosity.

Summoning your courage, you approached Viktor just as he was preparing to leave. "Hi there, I'm (y/n)," you began, a friendly smile on your face.

Viktor looked up, his initially guarded expression shifting into one of pleasant surprise. "Ah, nice to meet you, (y/n). I'm Viktor," he responded, extending a hand for a handshake.

"Likewise," you replied, relieved by his warm reception. "I've been working in the new herbology clinic and research lab down the hall."

Viktor's eyebrows raised slightly. "Oh, the herbology clinic? That's interesting. Quite a departure from the engineering and experimental sciences around here."

You nodded, encouraged by his interest. "Yes, I've been focusing on natural remedies and plant studies. It's been a great journey so far."

The mood shifted suddenly. "So, you're the one who's going to run the herbology clinic?" Viktor's tone had turned notably colder, his eyes searching yours with an intensity that took you aback.

"Yes, that's right," you responded cautiously, unsure of the shift in his demeanor. "I'm excited about the opportunity."

Viktor's expression tightened, and a sarcastic smirk crept onto his lips. "Of course you are. Running a clinic based on nature's wonders. Quite the departure from my realm of rigorous experimentation, isn't it?"

You felt a pang of hurt and confusion at his sudden change in attitude. "I believe there's value in both approaches," you tried to explain, but the words seemed to fall on deaf ears.

Viktor's cold gaze lingered for a moment longer before he abruptly turned, his tone dripping with condescension. "Well, I hope your herbs work wonders, (y/n). Enjoy your venture." And with that, he walked away, his steps echoing down the hallway.

Left standing there, you were stunned by the abrupt shift in his demeanor. What had caused this sudden change? The questions whirled in your mind as you watched him disappear around the corner, feeling a mixture of hurt, confusion, and determination to understand what had just transpired.