#the internalised sexism is so sad

[i-may-be-an-emu]

It’s sad that I know women who say transphobic stuff about women’s sport too, but the same women will also openly say that they do not care about women’s sport??

"Trans people can't take a joke"

[deeplyobsessed]

ok so i’m gonna ramble in sections

section 1: cgi moustache

FUCKING HILARIOUS like it was so bad it was funny HELP also buck’s hair was season 8 hair too it’s so funny like WHY did they reuse this HAHA

section 2: confession part 1

as short of a scene as it was, this was really nicely shot imo. and the tears in eddie’s eyes when he spoke like RYAN GUZMAN UR SO GOOD. but also how does buck (best friend) rank about girlfriend like hmmmmmmm

section 3: FUCKING ABBY

I CLOCKED IT I KNEW IT i know we always joke about 911 having continuity issues but THIS was such a good way to call back season 1 like insane writing tim minear and i love u for it

section 4: the divorce call

i wish they did more with this call like there was potential to call back to eddie/shannon but they didn’t. other than that i think honestly this is one of the grossest calls they’ve ever been on like genuinely icked the hell out of me with the guts like ugh gross

section 5: josh’s speech

as much as people hate on tommy, i do think josh’s explanation of things does give some sort of context to the way tommy acted in the past. like yeah racism and sexism is bad don’t get me wrong, but tommy did make an effort to change. it’s just that with society and his own work place back then, tommy prob had a lot of internalised homophobia that he expressed negatively outward to others (chim and hen in particular). but josh made a very good point with his speech about pre glee and post glee world (great reference, 10/10) and i think this was one of my favourite parts of this episode

section 6: confession part 2

ok first of all there was literally NO NEED to add that “im straight” “im celibate” part. like that was intentionally written into the script for something bcos that entire section could have been done without the sexuality mention. tim minear i see you. other than that FATHER BRIAN YOU ARE SPEAKING FACTS. my fav line he said was “but we can’t take care of others if we don’t first take care of ourselves”. bcos this is true!! and also a line used in therapy a lot cough. anyway i think the conversation eddie had with the priest was like a wake up call to eddie to start getting his head out of his ass and start working towards something. love this scene 10/10

section 7: brothers and pipes

most of this call was focused on the brothers part more than the well scene call back, tho there was a throw away line from bobby to eddie about how (eddie) wouldn’t fit this time. i do wonder if this happened irl would fire departments legally be authorised to allow children to help with rescues tho. otherwise honestly this was a very cute scene that helped chim get some introspection. i do wish there was more of a well scene call back tho :(

section 8: buck tommy breakup

as a buddie fan, i am overjoyed. but as a buck fan, i am devastated. tommy is actually one of my favourite love interests for buck, and its not just because he’s a dude and sexual awakening all that. i genuinely do think buck and tommy could have had a lot of potential if the show had decided to go through with it, but at the same time ending it here was also a relatively good note. i think in this relationship it wasn’t actually buck who wasn’t ready, it was tommy. tommy is afraid of things not working out in the long run bcos he doesn’t believe in buck’s affection for him being long term. this whole breakup was bcos tommy wasn’t ready imo. i do see the point tommy was trying to make but i also think it was a bit of a dick move to do the whole breakup immediately after buck asked tommy to move in with him. like the timing could have been better tommy. tommy being the one who decided to end things did surprise me tho. but now i feel really sad for buck bcos buck did like tommy a lot, and also as a queer person your first queer relationship is always going to mean a lot to you

section 9: MADNEY MADNEY MADNEY

HOLY MOTHER OF- i didn’t see this coming i didn’t but i am so here for it. the amount of trust and communication between chim and maddie is literal relationship GOALS like they lay out the boundaries and have healthy discussions about having another kid and it’s just so UGHHHH I LOVE YOU also maddie already being pregnant FJSJCKSK MORE BABIES

section 10: eddie, the moustache, and the dance

this. was. everything. the significance of shaving off the moustache. the dancing at the end?? no pants too was a choice. like when eddie flops back onto the couch and you see his smile, it’s like you truly see him deciding to finally forgive himself. maybe not completely, because there’s always going to be some guilt he carries around, but he’s moving forward and i’m so, so happy for him. it’s just a fun goofy feel good scene and i love love love this.

special mention: buddie and the couch

i actually think this is the first time both of them are on the couch together. like sitting next to each other with no one else. RETURN OF THE COUCH THEORY WELCOME BACK. ok but the ending scene?? the way they don’t even need words to communicate like- buck not even bothering to question why eddie doesn’t have pants, and eddie not even questioning why buck is here with beer in the first place. the level of mutual understanding has my HEART IN PIECES

overall this is honestly my fav ep this season and one of my fav eps of all time. i can’t wait to see how the story moves on from here ahhhhhhh

[adhd-creativity]

I have recently been trying out embroidery.... I've always had a blindspot when it comes to textile crafts.

Also I've had this weird internalised sexism thing going on where I saw them as 'dowdy' or 'not real art' because they typically women's hobbies.

ALSO I am chaotic and messy by nature so assumed exact stitches were not for me. But embroidery is like painting with thread!

It's important to feel safe to be a beginner artist and make mistakes. I always want to be amazing at everything the first time I try it, which puts me off trying, which means I end up sat in my bedroom feeling sad I am not making art.

So yes enjoy my wobbly snail, I will be adding more vines and some leaves and who knows what else 🐌🍁

[secretnameofeverydeath]

looked at a picture of myself and i saw my mom and for a moment i felt sad and a bit worried, i did not want to look like her. she has been telling me since i was so young: you are beautiful, while also telling me she is not. she has been referring to herself as ugly, and fat, worried about make-up and diets and beauty standards and telling me to take care of my body so as to avoid becoming fat. and so maybe i forgot to look at her and think: she's beautiful.

healing my relationship with my mom has been the biggest step in healing my relationship with myself, with my feminity and the part of me that still feels at home in womanhood. and what has helped me was when my mom told me she learnt when she was very young, that as a girl and a woman she had three choices: she could either be beautiful, smart, or nice. and as she was neither 'beautiful or smart' she became nice. i tried being smart, and that is the point where maybe we started to drift apart.

so i made a point of telling her she is smart, i tell her how much i have learnt from her, how often i refer to what she has taught me. and maybe i have been forgetting to tell her she is beautiful as well. i was looking at that picture and seeing my mom, and my first thought was mean. but like i told my mom, first thoughts are learnt thoughts, second thoughts are yours. and my first, mean, thought was learnt - through her teaching me she was ugly because she is fat, through society, internalised sexism, etc. so i made sure my second thought was a kind thought. how great, i thought, to see myself and see someone i love reflected back in my own features. how amazing to look like someone i admire, to look like someone i love. i made sure my second thought was: i am beautiful.

[fluffycloudhead]

Me ranting about some memories that came up

Tw: injuries, chronic illness, neglect, sexism, fatphobia

:readmore:

I just saw a poll about falling down stairs and it reminded me about the time I fell down the stairs in elementary school.

I slipped weirdly, fell down some steps only, but I landed with my back on an edge and it hurt so much.

I was in pain, started crying, couldn't move, but no one helped me. The people nearby just stood and watched. No said anything, there was just me sobbing. I couldn't speak.

And then 8 year old me forced herself to get up under a lot of pain. No teacher did anything. No fellow student.

I could barely move without being in pain for weeks. No one cared. Not my grandparents. Not my teachers. I was forced to do sports classes although I was in immense pain.

I was the chubby kid. The teacher didn't believe me, she thought I just wanted to skip classes because fat kids hate sports.

And I think that's when I started to learn and internalise that I couldn't count on anyone. That my pain is not bad enough and I should just be tougher.

Things like that had happened before. One day I was playing with my brother on a playground and fell weirdly on my arm. It hurt so bad. I was told to stop crying. In the evening it still hurt. I was told to stop crying again. I cried the whole night. My grandma took me to the doctor. I remember my grandad telling her not to give me so much attention over this.

My arm was strained (I think it's the right word) and I got some bandages to fixate it and pain medication.

As a teen I would start to suffer from "colds" a lot, even in summer. I'd sneeze and cough through every night.

No one cared. I was just the girl who - unlike my brother - got sick easily. My breathing started to become harder some nights. Doctors told me to do more sports and work out, I was too chubby. Grandparents ignored me and gave me coughing syrup.

I ended up in a hospital one day because of an severe asthma attack that almost suffocated me. And my grandparents only took me to the hospital after talking to a general practitioner and my aunt begging them to actually do something.

I had developed an allergic asthma over months and years. And one cared. I got an inhaler for the attacks afterwards.

These days I reflected on my celiacs diagnosis I got last year. Now that I am living mostly gluten free a lot of my regular stomach issues are gone. Stomach issues I had since elementary school. Issues that were also ignored. Either because I was a girl looking for attention or just the fat girl that probably just ate too much.

I am so used to my issues not being taking seriously. I even have an incredible hard time taking my issues seriously.

I have so much more stories like these. I've been used to injuries and illness being ignored.

My brother (twin) was treated the exact opposite way. My grandpa would take him to the doctor for every so small problem. He'd get help and medicine for everything.

Because if a "man" (or in this case "boy") is complaining he must have an actual problem. Not like a whiny weak girl that cries over every little discomfort. My grandfather was a rascist piece of shit.

My mother ignored me, too, when I moved in with her later. But she also ignored my brother. She didn't care for either of us.

I don't know where I am going with this. I am just sad and still angry.

And... Friends, listen to your bodies. Answer your pains. Don't ignore the issues. You're worth it.

If I never got to hear that myself, I wanna make sure you heard it.

You're worth to be cared about. You're allowed to take care of your needs and treat your pains and illnesses. You don't have to toughen up. You're allowed to rest. If you can, talk to a doctor about your health issues. It doesn't matter if you're male or female or something different. It doesn't matter if you're fat.

You matter.

[bornetoblood]

Fuck it, elaborating cus I literally can’t stop thinking about this. This is all for fun little speculation purposes, if you have anything to add go ahead!!

1. Gehrman is trans in the way all the other Bloodborne characters are trans. He’s tirelessly fighting for the goal of ascension (surpassing gender and a physical form).

2. We can infir through the Doll’s clothes item description that Gehrman is really really good at sewing and designing and making pretty dresses. We can extend this to the theory that he crafted the hunting attire (at least the early versions). Yet he is very credited with this, maybe its a hobby he kept secret, it is pretty heavily asociated with femininity.

3. With that said, he may have gone reeaaally far in the other direction. Gehrman’s outward face is one of the solem executioner- the adept fighter- a masculine paragon. It’s very probable he has very deep rooted misogyny that makes him feel like these affinities are weak. Even in the dream this is kept up to an extent. And when he’s not preforming he’s just very sad.

4. Okay so Gehrman is drawn towards the stereotypically feminine yet masks these interests under layers and layers of performance. So when his apprentice dies, it may be safe to assume that he thinks she felt the same. Gehrman assumes that Maria would have preferred a life of quiet domesticity because that’s what he would have wanted. He thinks her masculinity is a front because that's what it is for him. So, wrapped up in grief and internalised sexism, he decides to memorialise her that way.

Gehrman is transfem to me

[magicpotatothoughts]

FRUITS BASKET | a commentary on the societal rejection of "maternal" and "feminine" qualities in people

It seems like both Yuki and Akito reject the aspects of themselves that are what we consider to be traditionally "feminine" or in other words internalised misogyny. I think it may be the mangaka's intention to call out the larger systemic issue that society has with people in general that considers traditionally "feminine" qualities such as

gentleness

"weakness"

feminine sexuality

passiveness

to be inferior to traditionally "masculine" qualities. In fact, every character on the show suffers from some sort of internalised misogyny. Arisa got mad at Kyoko for no longer being the "cool Crimson Butterfly" in her youth gangster days after she had Tohru but Kyoko then simply said,

"I've calmed down."

And then we see that Arisa learning that it's ok to embrace the parts of herself that craves to be enveloped in this maternal gentleness which she so clearly was deprived of as a child. Same with Rin and Hiro and finally finally our dense-brained Kyo, it took them a while to realise that they don't need to put up such a strong front all the time, they can lean on Tohru, who is the complete embodiment of all these qualities.

it is society that "genderises" these qualities because society as a whole is still for the most part, quite sexist.

These traits are not exclusive to men/women or queer individuals. But because if the sexism that still exists in today's society, that's why Yuki and Akito has issues with their femininity and masculinity. Honestly, I cannot stop thinking about Yuki and Akito as characters. They are SUCH WELL WRITTEN MIRRORS AND FOILS of each other.

Akito

1.Ok can we please just put the spoilt god/toxic thing aside for two seconds, that's a whole other theme that I want to tackle. Akito seriously reminds me of the ironclad women in leadership that feels the need to abandon their femininity and adopt masculinity in order to be taken seriously in their roles. Honestly, it's something that most men would hardly understand how much the everyday woman have to think about the way they dress for job interviews in order to be taken seriously even though the way we dress should have absolutely NOTHING to do with our intelligence. Akito of course was raised like a boy but undeniably is a woman.

The moment I found out that her character was a woman, my heart wept for her for I saw not only myself in her but thousands of women in leadership who suppress their "feminine" qualities in order to be taken seriously.

2. Akito feels a hate for Tohru because Tohru embodies everything that she herself cannot have and cannot display openly. Akito hates all the women in the zodiac for being able to display and embody any ounce of femininity that she herself cannot display. It's cruel but isn't it honestly so sad?

3. Akito was given a literal box, but the box she discovers is empty the moment she opens it but she doesn't know how to react to it so she kept it hidden. Until finally she realises that she creates her own identity, she doesn't need to be shackled by how others define her.

Yuki

1. Yuki due to feeling an amplified sense of abandonment from his parents, he sees his weakness and his gentleness as parts of himself he needs to fix. Because of this societal sexism and genderism, he ends up grouping those qualities with other traditionally "feminine" aspects of himself (aka his appearance, which honestly has nothing to do with these personality characteristics) and takes it incredibly personally whenever anyone comments or points them out.

2. He feels a love for Tohru but because of feeling like he needs to reject these qualities, he still conforms to his "prince-like" facade. Which is why he opts for the route of seemingly trying to seduce Tohru (asserting his masculinity or what he thinks traditional "masculinity" looks like), but it sickens him and confuses him, because that's not actually how he feels for Tohru. Tohru says multiple times, "Woah, he really is like a prince!"

3. Upon reflection, what touched Yuki about Machi was Machi said immediately that "Yuki was nothing like a prince." and that "Yuki was lonely." So Yuki's facade came down straight away with Machi. Which meant that his feelings and affections didn't have to be rehearsed, they were *genuine.

That chalk scene is undeniably the most romantic scene I've ever seen in my entire life. Well done my man Yuki, you don't need to play the Prince card, my heart was stolen the moment you did this for Machi holy shit I love you.

4. Yuki, just like Akito, has kept a lid on himself and needed to open it to become his true self and does so by joining the student council, which was a HUGE GROWTH STEP. In doing so, Yuki actually comes to terms with the fact that Akito and him are the same, Akito is just seeing Yuki as a reflection of herself in the mirror and therefore looking for someone to blame and bare the burden of the pain of denying one's true self. That's why Akito got so triggered when Yuki said

"I forgive you".

Akito at that point hasn't accepted her true self yet.

These two characters are so freaking well written it's actually incredible. I feel like I learnt so much from this anime.

History has a tendency to sway hard to the left and then hard to the right, newer generations outrightly rejecting older generational values but then it's overdone, and the next generation rejects the older set of values again with greater turbulence. The women suffrage movement led women, including myself, to grow up internalising and rejecting traditionally "feminine" tasks such as cooking, sewing, nursing, baby-sitting.

This anime is a social commentary that it's ok to want and desire "feminine" and "maternal" things in life such as marriage, kids and family.

I don't know if these things are what I do envision for my future but it's definitely made me reconsider the way I view these things and for that, I am grateful for the new insight it has provided me.

[redvanillabee]

Hey Edna, I’ve been thinking a lot about the similarities between Katya (Goncharov 1973), and Peggy Carter in terms of agency and being heard within their respective communities. Would love to hear your thoughts

Oh where do we begin!

There are definitely parallels between Katya and Peggy. Like you said, both of them struggle at first with being heard. That opening scene of the mafia meeting, when the audience literally only see slivers of her through fancy Italian suits, and even her ‘yes’ to being told to bring more coffee is barely heard. It does remind me of Peggy’s line about how she’s invisible unless she’s got someone’s file or coffee or something.

Unfortunately, for the first half of the film, Katya actually cuts a much more tragic figure than Peggy. One distinct difference is, of course, that Peggy has got allies in her male-dominated world, while Katya does not. Peggy at least has got Jarvis and Daniel; Katya does not have that privilege. All the men around her are planted there by, well, other men. Her bodyguards are her husband’s henchmen. And unlike Peggy, who chooses to stay at the SSR despite the slights and abuses, Katya is stuck with Goncharov. Even Andrey Daddano, who is probably the nicest—comparatively speaking—man to Katya in the whole film, is too busy staring moon-eyed at Goncharov to really notice Katya’s plight and her call for help.

(Basically—imagine AC S1 if Daniel is entirely too preoccupied with staring longingly at Jack, and completely ignoring Peggy's struggles in the office. That’s how sad it is for Katya.)

We also see Katya relying a lot more on…well, being a woman than Peggy does, and Peggy does that a lot already. Because beneath the taking advantage of sexism and all, Peggy is a skilled spy. Once she has seduced a man into distraction (102 Sweet Dreams lipstick where would Peggy be without you), she can handle all the tasks herself. Katya could not do that. Both because of a lack of skill and because of physical confinement at times, not only does Katya have to rely on seducing men to get places, she has to manipulate them and sometimes even give them favours to get things done, which places her in a much more vulnerable position than Peggy has ever been in.

Then there is, of course, the kiss between her and Sofia, which does call to mind the kiss between Dottie and Peggy in 1x06. However, I do have to give credits to Goncharov for one thing: while AC plays into the kiss of death trope, Goncharov quite smartly subverts it. Because see—like Peggy, Katya falls victim to internalised misogyny and underestimates Sofia, writing her off as nothing more than a henchman’s arm candy. So when she kisses Sofia to incriminate her, on the surface, it reads like a kiss of death. BUT it actually is through Sofia that Katya finally finds her ticket to freedom.

In fact, I would even argue that comparing Katya to Dottie is more appropriate than comparing her to Peggy. Sure, on the surface it sounds like lazy analysis—just directly comparing two Russian characters. But from the perspective of both Dottie and Katya, their female connections are what give them a chance to escape and finally build their own lives. Dottie is used by Ivchenko, instead of being allowed to plan a mission herself. If she has struck a deal with Jack in early S2 instead of taking advantage of her connection to Peggy, she would never have had the chance to run free after the party. Same for Katya—she has kissed multiple men in the film, but by seducing and finally kissing Sofia, she found someone who can actually help her escape Goncharov’s control.

There is something almost Thelma and Louise-esque in the ending, when we see Katya at her husband’s funeral looking more relieved than mournful, and the teasing closing shot of Sofia observing—if not waiting—on the periphery of the funeral party. That is honestly a far kinder treatment of a lesbian relationship than I would ever have expected from a 1970s film. (And to think Marvel teased us a Cartinelli ending then never brought Angie back…for shame, Feige, for shame…)

References: [Link 1] [Link 2]

[thekittyburger]

Just finished watching season 4 of bbc ghosts, show stopping, amazing, sensational

in depth SPOILERY findings under cut!

Okay so obviously I’m focusing on the captain because I love him he’s my blorbo he’s my little meow meow I’d love to just pat him on the back and encourage him to cry, because BOY does this man have some unhealthy coping mechanisms! Just the whole motif of him needing to keep busy to stop focusing on his grief when Mary was sucked off, and when Alison told him it was okay and he did that little, “but if I’m not busy- *sniffle*” UGH CHEFS FUCKING KISS BEN WILLBOND IS AN INCREDIBLE ACTOR.

I’m sad we didn’t get a deeper look at his backstory/death this season but they really pulled through with all we got with Mary and Robin! Shoutout to everyone in s1 when their theories were that he got struck by lightning, you made it! mary mary mary… where do I begin. First a deep dive into her amazing kindred and friendship(? ikyk) with Annie, her teaching mary some sick burns and how to dismantle her internalised sexism, her perfect Mary reaction to Annie getting sucked off and then, eventually her own sucking off (this sounds so wrong) being completely simple and not over-dramatised, just like most deaths are. Because that’s what she was really, deep down, just a normal person, but because of stereotypes around the time of her death, she was brutalised when all she wanted was to do her own thing. *chefs kiss* rip mary you loved loose women

I have more to say but I can’t really put it into words other than, the ghosts (mainly the captain and robin) need a ghost cat. That is all

[aadhiravellala]

From my perspective as a queer, cis-gendered male whose family migrated to Australia from a third world country, I find it sad to see so many other males embracing toxic forms of masculinity. As a society, we condition those who are born as biological males, to internalise toxic forms of masculinity. I think for a lot of these males, the thought of giving up something that's become an essential part of who they are is scary. Perhaps this generates fear responses which manifests through many males desire to either attack or not properly engage with feminist ideas that they perceive as a threat.

With males having such a high rates of suicide and substance abuse among other things, traditional forms of masculinity really demand a lot of pressure on males to conform to a certain ideology that also discourages them from seeking emotional support, especially from other males. The shame and stigma that's placed on males who choose not conform to such ideals really adds to this pressure and isolation.

Ideologies such as hegemonic masculinity have played a heavy role in promoting social hierarchies and forms of discrimination such as sexism, homophobia, transphobia, racism, ableism and class discrimination. I think if equality is to be achieved, then feminist have rightly challenged such ideologies. As a society, I believe we need to embrace alternative forms of masculinity that discourage the use of violence, dominance and social hierarchies. With this, comes forms of masculinity that can accept and celebrate feminism and other movements that break down social hierarchies.

 Additionally, I think the shame and stigma around those who choose not to conform to masculine ideals needs to be addressed. And so, I believe the key to liberating males from damaging masculine norms, is for males to support the systemic changes advocated by intersectional feminists.

[onisia]

Selective Validation : in the Trans Community (Pt.1)

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An introduction to the Selective Validation rant series:

We are not referring to everyone within a community when we say these things and our opinions expressed here aren't professional or going to be sourced, this is just a rant series - feel free to suggest communities to discuss and points to make

Some folks in the LGBTQ+ community are just way too selective in what they support and validate nowadays within their own community and it shows. It's like each community within it has its own internal discrimination and/or dislike for a certain identity or community related to it, and we just wanna rant really about how shitty some parts of these communities can be

Click 'keep reading' if you're interested in the exploration of selective validation within the trans community (part 1 as there may be more posts we make on this community):

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Trans Community

(tw: fatphobia, weight, ableism)

The amount of an intercommunity mess the trans community is when it comes to some parts of it is actually sad. Just to name a few, the ableism, fatphobia, expectations to pass or transition, and also sexism and transphobia. Some of this is even more significant in the transmasc community for some reason

There's such a lack of representation of plus-size trans folks, especially transmascs

Fatphobia is definitely more rooted in the transmasc community so points here will use that as examples, this doesn't mean fatphobia isn't seen in other trans communities. The body standards put on trans folks especially trans youth by their own community are ridiculous

The amount of videos of trans folks, once again most often transmascs, of average weight calling themselves fat, using plus-size tags, or labelling themselves as being a fat transmasc is actually concerning - and it can't be all of their faults that they believe this

Yes it's bad to seep your way into plus-size tags and spaces but if you're genuinely believing that a fat transmasc is a transmasc of an average weight, maybe with some chubbiness or stretch marks, that's a problem with social expectations for trans folks

It's infuriatingly expected to be skinny, have no stretch marks or rolls, little to no boobs already, short hair, the desire to transition, to use he/him pronouns, identify as a binary man, all of that.

MOGAI genders, xenogenders, neopronouns, and people with different experiences than just 'binary trans person using he/him or she/her pronouns that wants to transition'

Some areas of the trans community have just never been accepting of these things, and it's often rooted not only in ableism, but transmedicalism, internalised transphobia, and the desire to be liked by the outside.

You see it so often nowadays, 'I'm trans and I think [xyz invalidation]' or '[xyz invalidation] - trans person'. Literally trans folks invalidating members of their own community, even if they're members who they claim aren't 'real' members. The trans community contributes to so much use of terms like 'transtrender', and to so much of the invalidation towards trans folks who are just different, and everything they use as an argument, when put into a more common situation, comes off as really toxic and often ableist

"Nobody sees their gender as a star or a cloud, that's silly, just use normal terms like feminine, masculine, or neutral" "Nobody describes their emotions like that, that's silly, just use normal words like happy or sad or angry"

"Why don't you just describe your gender normally?" "Why don't you just think normally?"

"Stop using these terms, they make the trans community look like a joke" "Stop doing what makes you happy and comfortable, it's embarrassing when you're hanging out with me"

"Nobody's going to use those for you" "Nobody's going to want to make you feel comfortable or happy"

"You need dysphoria to be trans" "You need all these symptoms to be [x thing that isn't even a disorder]"

"That was invented by trolls so it's a troll term" "The words you use to describe yourself were invented by trolls so what you're describing isn't even real"

Extra points

Lack of transfeminine representation, especially ones that don't 'pass'

Lack of representation of non-binary AMABs and a lack of support for them

Non-binary being treated like a thing for AFAB folks only

Invalidating other folk's experiences

Invalidation towards minors who are trans, especially if they use MOGAI genders, xenogenders, neopronouns, etc

Dislike towards straight trans folks, sometimes getting kicked out of LGBTQ+ spaces even

Invalidation towards pronoun-non-conforming and gender-non-conforming trans folks, or just trans folks that don't 'pass' or don't want to 'pass'

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Written by: Fever of our system

[wolfsneedles]

when cersei says, "she had a warrior heart, but the gods in their blind malice had given her the feeble body of a woman"

i actually felt it. no not the way she does ofc since she is essentially an antagonistic character but more like, the comparisons she makes the way she hates her own sex and wants power how she assumes herself as tywins daughter and how jaime thinks she call herself tywin lannister with teats, all point to her major disgusting internal conflict. ofc when we later see walk of shame it was worse the comments thrown on her body. in first books when we never had her pov i thought she too would admire herself her beauty, however cersei, in all her honestly hates her female traits and doesn't flaunt her beauty like i always thought or got idea from in first books. she is very mean and dehumanising to women and sees them inferiorly, not to say she herself was treated with a lot of hatred and sexism and then sold to marry a man she doesn't desire who himself was brutal on her, however i think she would have never been personally happy with anyone. cersei sees the entire point of being woman to please men with what she tells sansa, and then to be used as woman too . she doesn't like or meets appreciates strong women she hasn't seen or met dany obv neither would she ever have pleasant thoughts about brienne and arya even, she comments sometimes how woman is pretty but she herself always reduces her worth and others to just a girl to be sold and mounted. ofc her internal conflict i find is v interesting and confusing at times. she hates women but also wants other to accept her everything her every cruel practices even perhaps as woman. she doesn't like being woman to please people at all, yet its so sad and helpless to see her try to tempt jaime or osney even later just so they could listen to her. she hates the rampant sexism and misogyny in westeros even exhibited by her brothers and father but she doesn't realise she is using the same notion and definitions of sexism people have about women to demean and hate woman around her. its like she hates men definitely but she hates doing effort herself too to be a same female figure or woman we see other asoiaf women exhibit or do.

i was wondering if her behaviour towards women themselves, how she sees them inferior even when the men around her aren't seeing them like this, but she sees women with sexist approach too she mentions about rape or septa being or longing for rape, she ridicules and discusses margaerys virginity so much, she talks about uncensored stuff to sansa lol, when she is young girl literally, points to the fact how blunt and hateful cersei is of herself but also of female definition. i think this has a lot to do with her maybe not having to experience a mothers love??? i never liked how she was always surrounded ironically by men around her. we never see major strong female lannister representation i just realised. we only see or hear about tywin who had brutal approach to westeros the, holier-than-thou approach. we see jaime who is prob not worse like tywin at all but he also constantly tries to berate and pass quite nauseating remarks for women and ill hold this opinion about him until i see him say sorry to brienne lol (not to mention he does not hate women as whole even as being a man), we see tyrion also not really ideal partner and excessively morally grey character although i have never or maybe remember sexist or extremely insensitive remarks about women by tyrion until we see him in adwd only blurting out pretty worse sentences and maybe acting same like his father, and then we just know kevan who always well * saw cersei as not so perfect person and is kind of weird to her or idk maybe i never liked that lad because he also kind of sexualised her in childhood as cersei says maybe that men never looked at her like they do at others and she was seen with different eyes, all this time i wonder kind of where was tywin though he could have given or taught her good wholehearted valuable values anyway my anti tywin agenda not here today*, and then we see lancel, well for all we know he slept with her too but its just weird again that she slept with him to get rid of her obnoxious husband and well, lancel doesn't really hurt her though or ever saw her like her brothers do, considering his religious changes. but all this time im wondering cersei kind of missed having any wholesome woman in her life as, friend or companion which contributes to her internalised misogyny even more (its like she is opposite of catelyn hundred percent but cat also has internalised misogyny and i realised she never had loving sister cousin friend or companion) maybe im not thinking right but doesn't it click to u all that they both esp cersei of course see women in diff colours and not like how arya dany sansa brienne see women, because they lacked any stronger female character to look upto too. cats treatment of jon which is separate thing was quite questionable and so how she feels weird too when she sees mya stone! but cat or cersei never both, confronted their husbands or told them anything or even discussed any issues with them (this is for cat esp when she should have been angry over ned for jon :/ but she changed her energy to jon) . and it makes me wonder its also because they both were raised in a v male dominated society with diff kinds of fathers, uncles and brothers, that cersei especially has diff notion to what a random woman outside castle would even look like or act like and that all of them aren't really linked to their virginity or marriages and babies. i dont think ofc she would have been different if she had wholesome female friend but she did or should have had someone as girl who had her back when she was growing up???

(btw this isn't pro cersei thing at all - i was kind of horrified by her analysis of women we get to see in affc and then the melara thing at her young age was well fked up also pinching tyrion when he was baby "until he cried" or calling him "little monster" or whatever shows infact how she is quite disdainful of men like tyrion too and not just women. i was wondering maybe her losing joanna maybe played significant role only that being said, she is biggest antiparallel to dany and catelyn! )

[pynkhues]

Hi. I'm a bit confused about the hate Beth is getting for not choosing Rio over her kids' future. She can't print money and boland bubbles is shut down, so she's broke once again, with no income or way to pay her mortgage. What secret service is offering her is going to give her family a fresh start. Yes, Dean as well, but it's about the kids for her. And if she chooses Rio there's no guarantee that she'll get anything out if it. She has no reason to be loyal to him at the moment. Am I getting something wrong here? Because I don't get it how she could make any other choice at this moment.

Hi! SO I’m bundling these two asks together because I think that my answer to them is ultimately the same, and it’s been an answer I’ve been thinking about really since the first half of season 2 when I noticed some of the louder opinions on Beth change within the fandom, specifically here on tumblr, but also on other platforms. I’ve debated talking about it at all publicly because I know it’s an opinion that will probably upset some people, but I guess we’re here now, haha, and I’ve been sitting on it for two years, so.

I agree with both of you, and in particular the latter (I’m sorry it took me so long to reply!) There was a reason I logged off pretty quickly after the 4.03 promo dropped and went and did some gardening instead.

Look, I think this fandom, like every fandom, has a problem with misogyny and I think that that is steeped not only in y’know, generations of institutional, social and narrative patriarchy, but a fundamental lack of empathy extended to women.

I think we’ve seen this misogyny manifest in a range of different ways in this particular fandom. I think the generational misogyny has been particularly loud to me personally, where progressive young women apply today’s standards and resources to a woman in her mid-forties, failing to take into account not only her unstable childhood background which has been inferred since season 2, even if we did only get the confirmation of it in 4.03, but the lack of resources (i.e. the internet), education, and social support systems that would’ve been available to her at certain points in her life.

This is not directly relevant to Good Girls, but a point I often come back to with generational misogyny is that marital rape only became illegal in 1993 in the US. As much as we’re in challenging times right now, feminism particularly around and within marriage has changed a lot over the last 30 years, and Beth and Dean’s marriage is one that holds to a lot of old tenets that have been, and still are being, challenged in the process of that.

I’ve seen this sort of misogyny and sexism manifest in other ways too – simple things like Beth’s wardrobe, and the idea she has to look a certain way to be not only appealing to the men in the show, but to us as an audience. People have criticised her parenting and her relationship with her children as if there’s only one right way to be a mother; the choices she makes to try and survive, which are frequently the only choices she has as you identified, anon, and especially criticised her not prioritising the man she’s boned twice over herself and her family and those she loves the most. I’ve seen the latter in particular evolve into this desire to see Beth punished, and frequently seen that written into some people’s fics in a way that honestly gives me pause.

The point of this post isn’t to say that Beth is a perfect person who shouldn’t receive criticism, she should, and you can also feel very frustrated by her. I do all the time! She’s a frustrating character who’s done terrible, toxic things on this show, but doing those things does not remove her right to empathy. I think that criticism without thought, without context, without understanding, without empathy is something I will always think is, quite frankly, shallow at best and cruel at worst.

Beth is, of course, a fictional character, but fiction is what helps us to realise our prejudices. I know watching the show and reading criticism has certainly made me look at things I’d internalised and maybe thought of less in the past – particularly around issues like nuance and race in storytelling. I can own that! And I’m glad to be challenged and to listen and learn and grow. I just wish perhaps people would also be more thoughtful of how they think about women in this show too, because some of the language, the shaming, the vitriol, the sheer hunger for punishment is reflective to me of a much deeper-rooted problem.

I want to leave you with a quote from Andrea Dworkin who was a radical feminist (and trans ally!) in the 1970s through 1990s, because it’s one I think about a lot.

“Women are perceived to be appalling failures when we are sad. Women are pathetic when we are angry. Women are ridiculous when we are militant. Women are unpleasant when we are bitter, no matter what the cause. Women are deranged when women want justice. Women are man-haters when women want accountability and respect from men.”

[ouyangzizhensdad]

the dead imperialist villain was homophobic & the canonly bi protag the readers are meant to sympathize with condemns said 2d homophobia.. what do they want from media? “swiper no swiping”

The intellectual clusterfuck of someone saying “well, maybe not all fantasy worlds need to include [oppression X] and maybe it could be nice sometimes or at least some people would prefer being able to engage in full escapism without being reminded of the real world and also for some creators it just feels like an excuse to bash on [group X] in poor taste so maybe let’s not” THEN becoming, in very smart, very inquisitive minds “if fantasy world contains or depicts [oppression X] then this piece of fiction is [oppression X]”. Stupendous. And aside from the slip-and-slide logic of it all, it annoys me because like:

1) It does not even consider if the fantasy world is being used as a way to explore real sociological/historical phenomenon in the first place. ATLA explores imperialism, genocide, industrialism, etc. and included sexism from the very first scene of the show. But boy, they decide to talk about homophobia in a manner that clearly aims to mirror how colonialism impacted current day homophobia in some Asian countries, clearly within that same storytelling continuity, and suddenly that’s unacceptable and homophobic by virtue only of its presence (I can’t comment on whether it was well-handled ultimately in the work, but it’s not like the argument being made was about anything else than this one panel anyway). Again, some people should learn how not to parrot shit they saw on twitter and tumblr without considering the context of the work. That does not mean they can’t criticise the work, but that at least if that criticism remains at the end of it all they’ll be able to frame it in the context of the work they are criticising instead of just repeating a line they learned somewhere else. Media criticism/analysis is not about learning by heart a rigid list of “This is Problematic” points which you can whip out as “gotcha!” arguments.

2) Competing!Representation!Needs!!! Some people want pure escapism where nothing reminds them homophobia/heteronormativity exists? Cool. But that does not mean all works of fiction now need to cater to them, specifically. Personally, as a queer, I hate these types of stories, for three main reasons.

First because they generally the creative fails to portray that fictional world in a way that feels believable or thought-through. Often, for example, they’ll think about homophobia but not heteronormativity without considering how those things are imbricated. Generally creators show their inability to produce a fictional world that would not be shaped by homophobia/heteronormativity, so as an audience it’s hard for me to suspend my disbelief. 

Second, I’m very aware that my queerness is socially-constructed--that is, that my preference for women could be as insignificant in the scheme of my life as my preference for certain colours or food or home decoration, but that because of the world I live in, it is something very significant about how I define and understand myself, and how others see me and what I’ve experienced and will continue to experience. Not only that, but my everyday experience of queerness is (sadly) more defined by my living in a homophobic/heteronormative world than it is about liking women. It’s harder for me to connect with narratives that will not, at least, nod to this reality (which does not mean the narrative cannot be feel-good or triumphant). On top of it all, so many queer experiences do not make sense unless they happen in a world that is homophobic/heteronormative--just because you don’t want to see those being explored does not mean it isn’t important for other queer creatives and queer audiences. To reduce stories that explore homophobia as “stories for straight people” really shows a failure to grasp the perspectives of other queer people in the community. 

Third, to build onto the second point, I’m just an edgelord bitch. I don’t like being white-lied to, I don’t like having my feelings coddled, I like being told how it is, I think though-love is the way to go. I want my escapism to remain grounded enough not to have me roll my eyes going “riiiiiiiiiiight”. Where some people see aspirational escapism, I feel almost gaslighted lmao. I remember reading this super long fic where this character was super depressed and burned so many bridges because he was scared of admitting he was gay and coming out, and then he suddenly came out to everyone around him and--everyone was so supportive, at best they were just ‘sad’ he kept that a ‘secret’ from them, no one said anything out of line or questionable, his life only got easier and better, etc. The narrative was telling him; see that fear was irrational and you needed to overcome the irrationality of it. I wanted to throw my phone at the wall!!! I can take a step back and see how that narrative can be reassuring to some queer readers who have yet to come out but I hated it so fucking much!!!!! I hated how it was only willing to discuss internalised homophobia but not homophobia. And like to me it is just not realistic and it completely took away my suspension of disbelief and just made me fucking angry. 

[seachanqe]

i used to have a friend who internalised this notion of you need to grow up and stop being in fandom you're an adult blabla to an extent that when they turned 30 they completely abandoned all fandoms all fandom friends to focus on 'age appropriate' interests. sounds like i made it up but it happened and even though it's been a couple of years it still makes me sad

I have been sad about this friend all day! :/ It’s just.... such a sad existence, pushing away their favorite hobby (I assume it had been for them) and their fandom friends because they thought others will see it as childish. 

I mean, when I was in middle school, I tried to stop liking stuff I thought was too childish or not what I “””Should””” like (at that time it was Star Wars), and I ended planning this whole elaborate thing where I would wake up in the middle of the night so I could watch parts of the movie because I was still hyperfocusing on them so much. It really wasn’t until college that I embraced that whole thing like “I’m an adult and I can enjoy whatever I want, with no shame” and I haven’t looked back since. So for an them to be convinced that they need to stop liking things to be an Adult... sigh. I hope they come around at some point. 

Thirty is such an arbitrary number too. What is 30? Just another year of our short existence on earth. Life is too short to push away things we enjoy! Embrace being weird. Embrace not fitting into what society expects of you. If people find fulfillment in doing what society says, that’s great!! But I know I won’t ever, so why bother. ‘Age appropriate’ interests, what does that even MEAN. (I mean.... I have a good guess but then that goes back to sexism.)

[solacefruit]

Hello, I re-read your fic "one of a king, no category" again recently and first of all I absolutely love it and I always tear up no less then 3 times every time I read it. I was curious, if you remember, how you decided on the 9 cats you chose for the 9 lives ceremony, and also were there any other characters you considered using but who didn't end up making the cut?

Hello there! Thank you so much for writing in with such a sweet compliment, it really warms my heart to know that story has hit such a lovely chord with so many people. I think out of all the stories I’ve written for Warriors so far, one of a kind, no category is the one I’m proudest of and the one I’d like to be remembered for the most. 

And thank you for this question, it’s a very good one! I have a feeling it’ll get very long, though, so I’ll put it under the cut. 

I didn’t have to think much at all to know which cats I wanted to write about for this story, because I’ve been thinking about these nine in various ways since I first read the series. In many ways, one of a kind, no category is a love letter to characters I felt were treated cruelly and unfairly in canon and I wanted to give them a brief moment to be something other than what they were--whether that was to complicate or reinterpret the narrative they’re given in canon, or to highlight the qualities they have that often get overlooked or underappreciated by the writers (and sometimes other fans). 

So there’s cats like Silverstream and Rosetail, who are barely there and then killed off as a plot point--to cause drama for Greystripe or show the brutality of clan life, respectively. Then there’s cats like Lizardstripe, Nightcloud, and Foxheart who are basically written as shallow, “bitchy” antagonists--and as a result are often seen that way by the fandom--or cats like Ferncloud, who are seen as “boring” or “useless” because of their time in the nursery and often resented for that by fans. 

And I don’t necessarily blame fans for these readings of the characters, because the canon is so badly written. I think there’s always a tendency for male characters to be given leniency and complicatedness that is often withheld for female characters, but in Warriors, that cultural reading issue is compounded by the fact the writers themselves don’t ever really do female characters justice. Canon Ferncloud is largely there to pop out kittens and then died in battle “as a result of fan complaints” because Erin Hunter’s misguided understanding of the criticism they were receiving--i.e., interpreting “all she does is have kittens” to mean “we want her to fight [and die]” instead of “please give her character depth--no, not death, no, Erin, don’t--”

I wanted to take these characters and humanise (for lack of a better word) their canonical representations in a way that makes you actually care about who they are/were and the life they lived. Silverstream’s death is a tragedy. Rosetail’s life is a triumph. I wanted these experiences to be embodied in a story in a way that could give readers feelings and change how people thought of these (canonically very badly written) characters, not because I think Erin Hunter is a secret genius and deserves it (they don’t, I hate them), but because the characters themselves deserve more recognition and care than they often receive. 

Anyway, I’m sorry, I’ve gone way off track! To actually answer your questions: 

1. Leopardstar: one of the few female leaders--whose story is then basically about what a bigot she is and how she betrayed her whole clan (more or less) for a man because she was secretly in love with Tigerstar. I hate that they made a female leader (one of very few!) just to be like “eh she’s a lackey to an evil man she’s in love with who doesn’t care about her.” 

2. Rosetail: as mentioned before, she is barely in canon at all (in the main series; she returns in Bluestar’s Prophecy as kind of Bluefur’s best friend?). She’s actually the first clan cat to die after Firepaw joins Thunderclan, but it mostly gets swept aside and people are sad for like a minute and then the shock value wears off and she’s forgotten. 

3. Nightcloud: she’s kind of the contentious female character of the main series, because she’s either too clingy or too mean or a bad mother etc., and I’ve seen many people sympathise with Crowfeather over her--even though her side of things genuinely sucks. I wanted to give her space to be a kind of unlikeable person who still deserved better than she got. I think she deserves the same compassion people are willing to the extend to the man who mistreats her. 

4. Brightheart: one of the most famous disabled characters of canon--but she never really gets a decent resolution. Her ending is “happy” but I feel that she’s not really given closure for much of what happened to her, and in many ways the story around her is still very ableist. I feel like there’s a lot of extremely challenging internal growth that she would have had to do that never gets noticed in canon, so I wanted to give her a moment of sharing a fraction of the strength and wisdom she would have taught herself. 

5. Silverstream: as mentioned before, she’s so young and it feels to me like she exists--and dies--for the purposes of man-pain and I hate that. She gets so little personality in canon and then dies in childbirth, and I wanted to first give her a self that is so wonderful and real that it genuinely is devastating that she dies. It’s not a shrug, or a “poor Greystripe”: it’s a heartbreak to see someone so vivacious and excellent and hopeful get their life cut short. I want her story to be centred on who she is, not who she fell in love with and how he feels. 

6. Foxheart: she’s basically a mean, snotty villain in Yellowfang’s Secret (as is Lizardstripe) and an enemy of Yellowfang in a way that to me reeks of internalised misogyny from Erin Hunter, if I’m real with you. I wanted to give another interpretation of the events--especially considering how unbelievable it is that Yellowfang “got away” with that whole secret kit thing. It doesn’t make sense, unless you consider that other cats are in on it. Literally all Foxheart had to say to ruin Yellowfang’s life was “that kitten’s not mine”--and she never said that. I think that gets overlooked a lot and I wanted to explore that detail. And I thought it fitting to reinterpret a character whose name is literally an insult in canon (”fox-heart”) as having so much integrity that she would rather go down in history as a villain than be a snitch and a traitor to a clan-mate.

7. Lizardstripe: similar to above, she’s written as a horrible, bitter lady who resents her own mate and kits and is bullied into fostering Brokenkit and is miserable about that. It’s literally said “[h]er bitterness and resentment towards Brokenstar is what led him down his path of hatred” which is classic “blame a woman for a man’s behaviour” and a very rich statement from Erin Hunter who in the same breath is like “some cats (i.e., Brokentail) are just born evil as a punishment from Starclan on their birth mothers for breaking their vows.” It is so vile how Erin Hunter’s writing revolves as much as possible around blaming and punishing women for everything, including and especially men’s development and behaviour. 

8. Ferncloud: sort of mentioned before, but Ferncloud over the years has gotten a lot of fan disapproval for being passive and frequently pregnant. I think a lot of those criticisms--when levelled at Erin Hunter’s lazy writing--are fair and just but sometimes I feel that, in pursuit of more “strong” female characters in media, some fans forget to appreciate the many ways femininity and female characters can be subversive and/or still good, even when they’re not traditional hero’s narratives. In the real world, domestic labour (i.e., women’s work) is significantly undervalued, and I feel that Ferncloud can be read as an amazing example of someone who works to the bone every day and is largely ignored and underappreciated because the work she does is expected and taken for granted. 

9. Greypool: I love her--or at least my version of her. She doesn’t get a lot of attention in canon, other than a mention of being the foster mother to Bluestar’s kits and the fact she loses her memory as she ages and is murdered by Tigerclaw. It felt fitting for her to be the final life, both as a great and renowned storyteller in her own right and a cat considered to be very wise and kind with her words and thoughts, since ultimately one of a kind, no category is about the way stories can be told to shape the world--i.e., Erin Hunter’s often sexist canon versus the compassionate and intelligent retellings this fandom creates. 

As for cats that weren’t included, I’m happy with the nine I chose and I love them, but there are a lot of other cats who’ve been poorly treated by canon that would deserve a better story too. Snowfur of Thunderclan leaps to mind, as does Feathertail, and Palebird of Windclan, and honestly even Bluestar and Mapleshade. I think to a certain extent it’s hard to really engage with any of these characters’ narratives without also acknowledging the impact of sexist tropes on that narrative--i.e., how much of canon is “the character” (an intentional construct) and how much of their characterisation/story is kind of a side-effect of uncritical sexism perpetuated in the writing of said character? And I don’t really know the answer, because that’s not really a line that can be drawn. But I like to think one of a kind, no category and similar stories help reimagine other versions of these characters as fuller, more real people and that thought makes me happy.