#the internal conflict is real

[duckysprouts]

“They hollowed out Sergeant Barnes and put the Soldier into the shell; I am all that is left.”

- fanfic i can’t remember the name to

[worstloki]

What’s the best fic you’ve written in your opinion (I have a personal fave and I wanna see if they match 😂) —thot-son-of-odin

I’m thinking Portal to the Past since it has some sort of plot going on? I’m very happy with how Like Blood Running From a Stone is working out too though!

[eve-was-framed]

still trying to find out what the fuck “feeling like a woman” even means. i have yet to see someone explain it in a way that actually makes sense and doesn’t just come down to liking feminine things. like if you were to ask me if i “feel like a woman” or if i “identify as a woman” i would say no because literally what does that mean. i don’t feel it, i just am it. that’s like asking me what it feels like to have brown eyes

[etchif]

'They would not fucking say that' but it's 'they would not be this accepting of their own queerness, at least not just yet'

[lustlovehart]

I would like to tell Azul that I’d like to gather up all of his slime into a bottle and bathe in it. 🫶

—💖 anon

If you tell him anything of the sort, you blink for a moment and all you see is a purple puddle on the floor. But also a freaked out expression from Floyd because what??? That’s not fair :( And Jade is Jade :).

[wildsaltair]

Ranting in the tags isn’t enough so I’m going to say one more time that just because Maximus isn’t morally gray doesn’t mean he isn’t complex

[yunmeng-jiang]

that man does NOT think of wei wuxian as his gege

[rhisardthewizard]

Deaths that result from resistance against settler-colonial violence is ALWAYS the fault of the colonizers. Not the colonized.

Don't want a war? Don't spend 80 years doing an apartheid against the indigenous.

[starryluminary]

Second potential Noco collaboration

Okay polling the audience again. If the interest is there I would open the collab for around late July-early August. So again I ask:

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

Comte 7th Birthday Story Event Translation

Hey everybody! Been a bit of a hectic month, but you know the hype never stops for Comte in this house. I've translated the first parts of this story, with more to come as soon as I complete the rest.

Without further ado, jpnese story event spoilers below:

One day, at the beginning of October, just as the signs of autumn were beginning to deepen-- I was enjoying tea time with Comte under the pavilion of the mansion. MC: There’s no mistaking it, clear skies and the sun high in the sky…it’s nearly autumn. Comte: Yes. It’s pure bliss to be able to have tea time outside on such a pleasant and sunny day. Comte, who was sitting across from me, suddenly frowns at the oncoming breeze. Comte: But the wind is a little chilly. Are you cold, MC? MC: No, I don’t mind it…[sneeze sfx] (! What a moment for me to sneeze of all times…) Comte: …

MC: I-I’m sorry. But really, I’m okay. He suddenly smiled and stood up as I anxiously tried to reassure him. Comte: --Don’t push yourself too hard. Comte, who moved to sit next to me, unfolded his coat and hugged me from behind to wrap me up in his warmth. MC: Th-thank you very much Comte: You’re welcome (It’s warm…) While I’m ticklishly happy and delighted, Comte spoke as if he had remembered something.

Literally????? That's so cute. No notes that is the sweetest thing I've ever witnessed. It's hilarious because as I was reading I was so 👀 why don't you warm her up, then, Comte. And then he immediately did and I was like AAAAAAAA BEST MAN!!!! KING!!!!!!

I have decided my new eternal location will be within Comte's coat, no I don't take criticism. This is my happy place

Comte: I’ve heard that my aristocratic friends have decided to hold a birthday party for me on October 25th this year. MC: Oh my, that’s wonderful Comte: If you don’t mind, I’d like to go with you Comte: --Will you stay by my side as my partner, MC? I couldn’t help the way my cheeks burned as he looked intently into my eyes. MC: If you’ll have me, then with pleasure When I nodded Comte beamed, his eyes sparkling with delight. Comte: Thank you, I’m looking forward to escorting you that day.

At the risk of calling him adorable 18 times in the course of this process, I will now be communicating telepathically--

(If it’s a party explicitly for him, it’ll probably be more luxurious than usual.) (If it’s on his birthday, I want to do something to celebrate him too…) What on earth should I do, what can I do to make Comte happy? (...there’s still some time. I’ll think it over.) It remained on my mind-- (What should I do? I was still mulling it over, despite his birthday only three days away…) (The time limit served to make me more anxious, and I couldn’t seem to think straight. As I walked down the hall worrying…) Leonardo: What’s wrong, cara mia? There’s a deep furrow in your brow

I love Leonardo so much sometimes, "ayo your face is all messed up, what's the matter?" this is just classic him, 11/10 never gets old

MC: Oh… Leonardo was walking by and stopped me, which was enough to make me come to my senses. (Yes, I might be able to get some good ideas from Leonardo…!) MC: Leonardo, could you give me some advice? Leonardo: Hm? I don’t mind… Leonardo blinked with surprise for a moment, before turning his face and smiling. Leonardo: Does cara mia’s problem…have something to do with ‘Comte’s’ birthday? MC: How did you… (Was it written all over my face?)

Oh MC, we really in it now--

As my voice lowered from the embarrassment of being seen through, Leonardo laughed with good humor. Leonardo: Actually, just a moment ago, Comte wouldn’t stop gushing about how excited he was to go to his birthday party with you. (Oh, I’m in love with you…) I was beyond happy--but also feeling shy about it--and all of a sudden I went pink from the neck up. Leonardo: So, what is it that you’re worried about? MC: …I wanted to be able to congratulate him in my own way, but given Comte is a man with everything at his fingertips I have no idea what to get him. I’ve been wracking my brain. MC: You’ve known him for a long time, haven’t you Leonardo? Can you give me some pointers? Leonardo: I see, that’s a very cute problem Leonardo laughed lightly as he answered.

Literally that part with MC where she goes (Oh, I'm in love with you...) had to be one of the funniest moments of identification I've ever had while playing an otome. The way she really went SOBS WAILS CRIES HE'S ADORABLE AAAAAAAA because g o d, same. I love how Comte is just that guy who gets married and is like HAVE YOU SEEN MY WIFE. I LOVE MY WIFE. WHERE'S MY WIFE--deadass it's like that one reddit guy meme (mywife is soft nd ilikeher...) from a while back.

I also think it's so cute that Leo's just watching all this from afar like ":> good for them." It just gave me such warm fuzzies!!

Leonardo: All I can say is Leonardo: Even if you have everything…that doesn’t necessarily mean you feel fulfilled/satisfied in every way possible. MC: huh… (What does he mean?) Leonardo squints his eyes a little at me when I tilt my head. He looks calm, but also like he’s looking somewhere far away. Leonardo: Why don’t you ask Comte what it was like, on his birthday, before he met you. (What was it like on his birthday before he met me…?) As I was deep in thought, Leonardo patted me on the shoulder as the corner of his mouth went up a little. Leonardo: Well, in the end, I think even if you don’t--he’ll be happy with whatever present you think of.

Honestly this is something that's frequently on my mind, and really timely in the context of the 5th bday story that just came out. Because I really do think Comte values sincerity of feeling and consideration for him a whole lot more than he does anything material. I've also been thinking about his upbringing and how it created a basis for that feeling, a kind of vacuum in his interactions with the world--in which a buried and silenced yearning keeps resurfacing despite his best efforts to smile and keep moving. Namely because he met people and had mentors who were earnest and heartfelt in their care for him, who raised him like a human child. Then he was more or less told at like 12 with zero warning: yeah you're never going to feel that again. Perform to survive and that's the most you'll ever get out of life. (Fellas...)

How to broach the topic. On the one hand, I could see how this is a reflection of a warped understanding--arguably even a kind of deeply embodied hopelessness--that his family/other purebloods imbued into him. But on the other, I can't help but feel that's just so many levels of effed up. It's not really hard to imagine how Comte lost himself, became so conflicted and distanced from his own desires. It's interesting too, because when Vlad tells him in the main story route "So you’re not going to do anything, as usual?…You’ve always been uncertain and indecisive, Comte…Even when you lost ‘her’ during the war…" and more or less goads him, I don't think I fully appreciated the meaning behind Comte's silent answering wrath at the implication. Because to be honest, Vlad was hitting an extremely sensitive point; that Comte wants more, but genuinely struggles acting on it with confidence because of his experiences and conditioning.

One thing I love about Ikevamp is that it is quintessential good writing in the sense that, even years later, I go back and I see dimensions to what's been said/felt and more layers of nuance than I'd ever imagined. Certainly Vlad's sentiment is insensitive on the surface level: he's making light of someone who died horribly, someone who died unjustly, in front of someone who felt real love for that person's life. But even deeper than that, Vlad's mocking a profound insecurity and point of prolonged pain for Comte that he struggles to talk about with much of anyone. To know that, and to use something so deeply private, is like the twist of a knife already embedded beneath the skin. It's no wonder Comte has a moment where he's inches from retaliating against his better judgment.

I feel like I also identify with this notion of feeling like something is deeply wrong, but not having the scope to be able to fully understand why or how to break away from it. I find it really realistic that Comte needed time and input from others to move away from that conditioning, to start seeing the world in a different light. Maybe even more apt, it all started with an act of courage; messy, well-meaning, imperfect--but true to who he wanted to be for the first time in his long life.

As I was spending time with Comte later that night, I couldn’t get Leonardo’s words out of my mind the entire time… Comte: --MC. [the way i hid my face STOP READING MY MIND S I R] Suddenly, Comte looked over from where he was sitting next to me. Comte: You look like there’s something’s weighing on your mind…did something happen? MC: Well… At the sound of his gentle probing, I find the courage to ask. MC: Earlier today, I was talking to Leonardo about attending the birthday party. Along the way I started to wonder what it was like for you on your birthdays before we met. MC: Could you please tell me about your birthday…before you met me?

Okay but like. I am seriously such a sucker for a couple knowing each other long enough where they just. Glance at the other and are like "aight wtf happened." It's beautiful. 100/10 hits every single time. No notes, poetic cinema.

I also love this sensibility between them where they're very good at giving each other some time to process things first. Like I can think of so many instances where Comte knew something was wrong immediately, but he waited to bring it up out of respect for her 🥺💜

Comte: … He blinked a little in surprise, but then his face clouded. Comte: …my birthday, before I met you? Comte: It’s such a boring/trifling story it wouldn’t even be worth telling as a bedtime story. MC: I’d still like to know…please, if you could tell me. I stared at him, and he let out a small sigh after I asked. Comte: --What I’m going to tell you now, it was a long time ago. Comte: There were many, many occasions in which other aristocrats threw big birthday parties for me. 

Okay, I wanna talk about this mainly because I was so genuinely shocked by his sheer...vehemence? And self-derision regarding who he perceives he used to be. Because I feel like he usually just tries to elide it, or make light of it--not the visceral contempt here that startled me. In some ways, I feel like it might be because he feels more comfortable expressing the extent of his unhappiness with how his life used to be, and that's a good thing. On the other--;-;. I just want to hug him so bad...Comte don't deride the man I love, he's doing his best and is very special to me and lovely 😭

(Flashback begins) --Music plays at a spectacular venue and various meals were provided to entertain people dressed to the nines. Comte, who was the star of the night, was surrounded by many gorgeous women… Noble’s daughter: Congratulations, Comte Noblewoman: Congratulations! Blessings, mountains of gifts, and laughter echoes throughout the venue. At first glance, it did indeed look like a gorgeous birthday party, but in reality it was just a pretense. (No matter who I look at, this place reeks of barely disguised avaricious ambition.) No matter how many well wishes I receive in a place where such vapid desires swirl, my heart will never be satisfied-- Comte: While it may have been a birthday party, ultimately everyone was there for the sake of my wealth, status, and power…. Comte: --No matter how gorgeous the evening party, every corner of the room dripping in vanity left my heart more unsatisfied than ever.

Literally I am torn between two feelings. The first being, oh Abel. King. You would have loved My Chemical Romance, you were robbed as a young vampire. Second, the sheer unabating passion I feel for his emo dismissal of their vapidities is enough to make me explode. Comte I want you carnally. There's something very real and hilarious about even rich people hating other rich people that makes me wheeze.

(To be fair, there were likely a few decent folk among them as it often happens in any demographic of people--I just think it's very growing pains mood to kind of lose hope in others. We all have that phase.)

MC: … I was speechless, and kept staring at him in silence. His profile took on a blank, empty look; it was hard to believe he was talking about his own birthday party. Just looking at that expression makes my heart tighten… Comte: On the surface, I made an effort to look like I was enjoying myself. But deep down it just wasn’t the case-- Comte: With one of my pureblood friends, I accidentally let it slip when I was talking to him that same night. Comte: I feel so…empty (returns to the flashback)

Not the dissociation taking over, king 😭😭😭😭😭😭

Although this next part gets so unhinged I was literally screaming, it's a miracle Comte is some degree of normal after exposure to whatever the hell this is.

Pureblood friend: In that case, it might do you some good to fall in love. It would be nice to fall in love with another pureblood…but it would be especially nice with a human. Falling in love with a human will fill your heart with more warmth than ever before. Comte: Why would you go to the trouble of falling in love with a human…? Pureblood friend: They are truly beautiful, incandescent in the short lives that they live. They have the spark of life that we lack. I was intrigued by the “love that transcends kind” that my friend talked about so enthusiastically-- Comte: And what happened to that human lover…? Pureblood friend: …We broke up My friend shrugged his shoulders, looking rather sad. Pureblood friend: I knew I couldn’t stay by her side forever. So I said goodbye before it became too hard. Pureblood friend: Besides, if we stayed together for too long, people would eventually realize who we really are. We are different creatures, after all. Comte: …I see. [he looks so openly upset about this ;HDSGLKHDJFGHLKSJH] Pureblood friend: But I have no regrets. Even if it was only for a short while, I was able to love someone so deeply.

Where do I even begin with this one. What kind of advice is this.

Comte: feeling the existential dread more acutely with each passing day. will the emptiness ever end? His friend: go have a human fling and that'll make everything better. just let someone else fix you

He really said "bestie it's time for hot girl summer" and I really just don't know what to say here. Like. Please don't try this at home????? That is not remotely the correct answer but also that's lowkey so insane it loops right back around to being uproariously funny. The absurdist humor just writes itself here honestly.

This is what people mean when they say those born rich and powerful are just severely out of touch with basic tenants of humanity.

I’m torn between feeling disappointed, but also understanding where he’s coming from. No matter how hot the flame of love burns--it takes but a moment to extinguish between purebloods and human people. (No, it’s not limited to love…that’s how it always is, with humans. Every interaction is destined to end sooner or later.) Every time it happens, I feel the sadness pile up in my heart. How long will I go on living like this? The only answer I ever get is that it’s eternally inevitable. I lived in fear of that loneliness, seeking to avoid it by indulging in momentary pleasures-- (End of flashback) Comte: I figured the day I would feel fulfilled would never truly come… Comte: I lived as I pleased, such was the nature of my decadent birthdays.

Rest assured, Comte demonstrates how much he took this advice with a grain of salt throughout this event--which is honestly something I love so much about him. It's clear he really only agrees on the level of how difficult it is to be close to humankind, not really the idea that flings are the universal stopgap to his despair. I do think it's true we need support from others to grow and change, but I don't think this nuance is quite captured by his pureblood friend. I think Comte felt it didn't serve as an answer that was satisfactory to him, so he did what made him feel safe until he could understand how to act on what he wanted.

MC: Oh… I get a glimpse of him as he was all those years ago, buried in the emptiness of his past. I naturally hugged him close to me where I was sitting beside him. Comte: MC… Comte murmured in surprise, wrapping his arms around me and stroking my back. Comte: …While I was reminiscing about my birthday, it seems I got a bit carried away with the conversation.

EVERYBODY SAY THANK YOU MC FOR HUGGING COMTE, BECAUSE GOD SAME. THIS POOR MAN :(( 💜💜💜💜

Comte: You can rest assured. It’s already a thing of the past, that I would spend each birthday mired in such dissatisfaction.  MC: Then, what about now…? When I looked up, even from this close proximity his eyes only reflected me. Comte: --my thoughts from that time have changed ever since I met you. He touches my cheek and strokes it as if to seek out my warmth. Comte: 'Even if I fall in love, this emptiness will never be filled…' Comte: What’s more, I’ve given up on the idea that it’s futile to fall in love with a human, that I would only suffer from the distance between us… Comte: MC, you’re the one who changed everything for me.

Screaming, crying, wailing, barking, etc.

But also I feel something so real and raw in the idea that he was just tired of being forced to hide all his life. The earnest yearning for someone who can love and accept you as you are, rather than for all that you feel you have to be. The difference between love that is perpetually conditional, versus unconditionally gifted in perpetuum.

MC: Me…? Comte: Yes Comte smiled and looked up gently, leaning closer. Comte: I met you, and I fell in love with you from the bottom of my heart. Comte: In you, I found meaning in building up the “present” that we share together, accumulating into eternity. When I closed my eyes, soft lips pressed against mine lovingly. Comte: …you filled up the emptiness in my heart. The shadow that had crept into his eyes vanished just as quickly as it had emerged, filling me with relief. (“Even if you have everything, that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re satisfied with it all.”...) (I think I finally understand what Leonardo was getting at…) When this occurred to me, something came to mind that I wanted to give him for his birthday…--

--It was the day of Comte’s birthday celebration. We were heading over to the party. Comte dressed me in fineries, from dresses to jewelry to accessories, for today. MC: Thank you for such a wonderful dress and accessories… Comte: It was my pleasure, thank you for indulging my selfishness. Comte: I was especially excited to dress you up to my liking, tonight. Comte, who was sitting across from me, narrowed his eyes that were tinged with love. Comte: You look stunning, every bit as much as I thought you would. It’s going to be a challenge keeping you away from everyone who falls madly in love at the sight of you, once again.

MC: Th-there’s no one like that, don’t be silly Comte: Yes there is. In fact, he’s sitting right in front of you…a man who sees only you. When I looked down, shy from all the words of praise and his unabashedly passionate gaze, the stone on my bracelet caught my eye. (This is…) I didn’t notice it when I was changing into everything, but when the setting sun’s light shone against it, the stone turned the same amber color as Comte’s eyes--a sparkling gold. At the same moment, the carriage came to a halt. Comte: It appears we’ve arrived. Now, MC, allow me to escort you. --When we entered the venue, everyone was already gathered and waiting for our arrival. The eyes of the guests turned toward us in unison. Aristocratic woman: Comte! Happy birthday! Daughter of a noble family: You look very handsome tonight, Comte! Just like the story he recounted to me of birthdays past, many beautiful women began to gather around Comte. However, Comte’s eyes were on me…. Comte: Come here, MC

"He's sitting right in front of you...a man who sees only you."

However, Comte's eyes were on me...... "Come here, MC"

S T O P KING, it's a wonder MC didn't disintegrate from the attention, I know I would straight up perish 😭🥺💜

[izzymarksthespot]

An idea that just won't leave me alone: omega Izzy getting baby fever after seeing Stede holding Doug & Mary's newborn child 👀

[akechi-if-he-slayed]

you see i lwk do fw mexican goro because you just have to imagine him growing up with spanish songs played from shitty radios as his mother tries her hardest to give him some semblance of what she grew up with in a country that’s across the ocean from her home where it’s just the two of the them and u also have to imagine nights where they sing along and dance aimlessly but he’s just a kid and so much shorter than her, so she grabs his hands and they sing amor prohibido and como la flor, from a voice goro doesn’t recognize but she tells him was her favorite, the lyrics flowing beautifully from her tongue but a bit choppy with goro’s patchwork spanish. those are the precious few moments goro keeps ingrained with him, and it’s the very same reason why he vows to never speak spanish again or engage in any part of that culture, his culture, once she dies.

[volo-omnia]

I'm gonna be honest I've been mulling over the cut dialogue post for the entire day because what I want to know is the direction of the developers.

Part of me isn't sure whether if the cut dialogue was cut content for the sake of cut content (i.e. time/budget limitations, it was too much/unnecessary for the scene, etc) or whether it was a change in tweaking Volo's canon character. (i.e. making his villainy closer/a foil of Cyrus.) (for the most I'm still not sure if the cut dialogue is considered "canon" or not, but for the most part until we see official content that contradicts it I will consider it as "canon" Volo.)

Because I don't know about you, but it's really telling something about his character.

I'm a descendant of the ancient Sinnoh people! I revere Arceus, the almighty god, and I will demonstrate his power to all living things in the sky, the earth, the sea! Yes! As the avatar of Arceus, I will house that power and bring its gospel to Hisui! I won't let you, an outsider with no history here, get in my way!

Okay so, this passage is the part I want to delve into. A couple of points:

"Avatar of Arceus" - this pretty much explains the Arceus cosplay in the final battle. I mean it was assumed already if you know how iconography and symbolism works, but it pretty much plainly explains that Volo sees himself as a god or in the very least, as a standing representation of Arceus itself in the physical world.

"I will house that power" - again this is just a rewording of what already exists in the final scene, where Volo states he wants to "use Arceus' power to create a new better world". Note he doesn't say he will defeat Arceus, or kill it. I know it's common interpretation in fan circles that Volo kills/takes Arceus power, but it's important for us to remember that canonically, Volo DOES NOT want to kill Arceus. His reverence may be strong, and he does have this weird religious ecstasy brainrot, but he does not wish to actually kill it. Volo is a religious zealot.

And the parts that are bothering me the most are these lines:

"I will demonstrate his power to all living things in the sky, the earth, the sea! / ...bring its gospel to Hisui!" - this part is what I'm ruminating on the most. Because with this passage, it's making me rethink all of my previous interpretations on Volo, and I fear we may have been misinterpreting him this entire time.

This is again where I want to emphasize I don't know for sure if this is a character rework or cut content, because here Volo makes no mention of a "better world" by using the power of Arceus.

Because yknow what that sounds like right? Like Christian/Catholic preaching. Specifically the word "gospel" is used here, and he makes mention of "demonstrating his power to all living things". Like spreading the word of God? He makes no mention of this gospel of Arceus being love or light however, which makes me worried what this implies...

And this is what's bothering the most about this. Volo from this dialogue, may not be a saviour wishing to create a better world without suffering because his God designed a flawed world that included those things.

Volo is a religious zealot that believes the world is flawed because of other people, not because his God made a flawed creation. And that the cure to removing this suffering is recreating his own biblical flood and killing everyone and spreading the word of Jesus Arceus.

That's why Volo has a hard time trusting others in Pokemas because other people are sinful/backstabbing and cannot be trusted (albeit heavily influenced by whatever Traumatic Thing™ happened in his villain backstory that as of writing this, has yet to be revealed) but if this is canon to his character, it's a HUGE difference from what we were all interpreting. He's not staging a divine coup for the people, he's your Catholic pastor that believes if you don't believe in god you're going to hell. He's the holy crusader that is willing to hurt entire groups of people in the name of god, believing this harm he's doing is "righteous" because he's doing it for Arceus.

If this is what Volo's idea of a "better world" was like the entire time, damn I really hope he loses and gets a redemption. A world where everyone follows the gospel of God through force? Maybe there's a reason he's a villain.

[embryoed]

How I feel with That Shot of Demetri with That Dialogue over it in the Season 6 Part One Trailer

[the-casbah-way]

some people will look at my current wip and say that malcolm running his hands through jamie's hair as he sleeps and singing him old scottish songs is out of character but to that i say a) no it's not just hear me out and b) suck my fat cock you can't stop me from making those old men experience Real Human Emotions

[mostlydaydreaming]

Gene Kelly & Judy Garland in For Me and My Gal (1942)

Ok probably two of my favorite jugenea gifs (by @dreamsgoneastray)…