#the incompleteness of emotion wheels

[polypocketdiary]

I feel hurt

(but hurt is so generic)

I feel angry

(so new and nearly special after years of effortless transmutation)

I feel let down

(expectations are the killer)

I feel disrespected

(but like oxygen they keep the roots from festering)

I feel taken for granted

(overlooked or undercaredfor? overused and underseen)

I feel neglected

(now there's an oofowthunk)

I feel donethroughdefeated

(the years-long delay of the samurai sword)

I feel ashamed

(can I drink of your sympathy without letting you know where it came from)

I feel relieved

(it's over

it's over

the willit wontit whatamidoingwrong

)

It's over

[ice-man-goes-bwoah]

Home is at the track||F1!platonic grid x y/n l/n

Summary — y/n misses her sibling who she hasn’t seen since they left for the army luckily her team surprises her during her first win.

Word count 1k?

Y/N leaned her head against the side of her helmet, eyes shut tight as the minutes ticked down to lights out. The steady roar of engines around her was no help—she could still hear the pounding of her own heartbeat. Today could be the day. Her first podium. Maybe even her first win.

Her sibling’s voice echoed in her head. “You’ve got this, kid. Go show them what you’re made of.” They’d said it so many times that she could almost hear the smile in their voice. But it wasn’t the same. It hadn’t been the same for over a year. The military had taken them to places she didn’t even want to imagine, and while she couldn’t be prouder, the ache in her chest hadn’t dulled.

“Y/N.” Her engineer’s voice crackled over the radio, snapping her out of the spiral. “Focus. Deep breath. You know what to do.”

She nodded to herself, swallowing the lump in her throat. “Yeah,” she muttered. “I’m ready.”

She straightened, closing her eyes for one more breath—in, out—just as the first of the five lights illuminated.

One …

Two …

Three …

Four …

Five.

The lights went out, and everything else disappeared. No memories, no doubts—just the raw, electric focus that came with launching into a corner at 200 miles an hour.

The rain came out of nowhere by lap 15, slicking the track like ice. Cars spun out, littering the gravel traps, but Y/N held on with determination.

“You’re P2,” her engineer barked. “You’ve got this.”

Her arms burned, and her hands ached from gripping the wheel. Every turn was a fight, every straight a fragile reprieve. But she stayed locked on Landos rear wing, inching closer with each lap until the final one loomed ahead.

It was just her and Lando now, neck and neck in the unrelenting rain. Visibility was nonexistent, but Y/N didn’t care. She saw her chance—late on the brakes, diving into the corner. The car held.

The checkered flag blurred past.

“P1! You’re P1!” her engineer’s voice broke with emotion.

Y/N’s breath hitched, disbelief giving way to an ecstatic scream. “We did it! We did it!”

She parked in parc fermé, the team swarming her the moment she climbed out. Laughter, cheers, tears—she soaked it all in. But something felt incomplete.

Someone was missing. Her sibling had been watching from a quiet corner of the motorhome, heart in their throat as she pulled off that final move. They’d flown halfway across the world on a sliver of leave, hiding the whole time just to surprise her. Now, as she stood on the podium, bathed in camera flashes, they felt tears prick their eyes.

“She has no idea you’re here,” one of the team’s managers murmured beside them.

They smiled faintly, their voice thick. “She’s gonna kill me for this.”

The team gave them the signal. Standing on the top step of the podium, Y/N tried to stay present. The trophy was heavy in her hands, the national anthem blaring in her ears. But her eyes kept darting to the crowd. She knew it was silly—her sibling wasn’t here. They couldn’t be. They were probably watching on a tiny screen thousands of miles away.

The tears came before she could stop them, hot and unrelenting. She wiped them away quickly, forcing a smile as the champagne bottle was handed to her.

And then she heard it—a roar from the crowd, louder than before. She turned toward the commotion, confused. And there they were.

Standing at the bottom of the stairs was her sibling in their ACU’s holding their arms out for a hug. Gasping The bottle slipped from her hands, hitting the ground with a hollow thud. Her chest tightened, her breath catching. “No way,” she whispered.

“Miss me?” they called out, their voice just barely audible over the crowd.

She didn’t think—she leapt from the podium, sprinting into their arms. The trophy clattered to the ground, forgotten. She didn’t care.

“You’re here,” she sobbed into their shoulder, clinging to them like they might disappear again.

They held her just as tightly, their voice shaking. “Of course, I’m here. I couldn’t miss this.”

For a moment, the world faded. No cameras, no crowd—just them.

Hours later, the paddock was quiet. The celebration had wound down, leaving Y/N and her sibling on the motorhome steps, wrapped in a shared blanket.

“You pulled this off?” she asked, her voice raw.

“They did most of it,” they admitted, nodding toward her team. “I just showed up.”

She laughed, shaking her head. “You have no idea how much I’ve missed you.”

They nudged her playfully, their own eyes red-rimmed. “I missed you too. And for the record? I’ve watched every race. You’ve been incredible, Y/N. You deserve all of this.”

She glanced at the trophy sitting nearby, running her fingers over the engraved plate. “I wouldn’t be here without you. You’re the reason I ever believed I could do this.”

Her sibling didn’t say anything, just pulled her into another hug. The silence between them spoke volumes.

[imperator-kahlo]

Visages, Versos, and Masking

I've been thinking about Visages, because some aspects of that island confounded me at first. I think I expected a less nuanced view of masks and masking than the game ultimately delivered, and I should by now know better than to expect less nuance from this game.

Major, character-defining, endgame spoilers below.

So after some rumination, my hot take is this: Renoir's artistic advice to Verso is wrong, and that advice reveals an incomplete understanding of his son. Controversial! So let me stress that this is not a critique of Renoir or his parenting: sometimes the people we're closest to, that we love the most, are the hardest ones to see clearly.

(Note: When I'm very specifically talking about painted Verso I refer to him as such. I hate calling the other Verso 'real' or 'first', so when I haven't specified, I'm talking about that one. The other one. The not-painted one. You get it.)

The axon Renoir paints to represent his son is known as He Who Guards Truth with Lies; Monoco reports that guard in this context means both protect and control. To Renoir, Verso's masks are a wall between Verso and both the viewers of his art and the rest of the Dessendre family. They're a defense mechanism. They're training wheels, keeping Verso safe from vulnerability and loss of control. Great art might be oblique or metaphorical, but it must be raw. Verso's masks, to Renoir, are inauthentic.

He writes in a journal entry directed to his son:

… art can be a Window and art can be a Mirror. And great art. Great art is both. Son, you'll never be a true artist if there's always a mask between you and viewer, especially when the viewer is you…

Verso, know thyself.

The axon in question, however, and the island it inhabits, suggest a more nuanced view of masks: that masks need not be walls. They can be mirrors and they can be windows. I think there's good textual support for this first part of the argument, but I'm going to take an extra step that is much more vibes-based: Masks can be part of great art, because they can be both mirror and window at the same time. And then, one more teeny little vibes-based step: Verso understood this.

A confession: the vibes-based reasoning I'm doing in the latter part of this is highly motivated. It pleases me for Autism Reasons to understand Verso as consciously and purposefully masking in ways that don't disable him artistically. I'll get into that a bit at the end.

The Vales and mask-as-window

Mask of Joy: "He who painted this world, seeking what he could not grasp, longing to share with those he loves. Behind his smile, what could it be?" Mask of Anger: "He who cannot fight fate, behind his scowl, emotions blaze, but in the shadows, his temper fades. What am I but a mask of…" Mask of Sadness: "He who lives in-between, behind his veil, emotions swell, for a life forced to paint, What is he but a reflection of…"

The masks of the Vales each express a truth about Verso: there is joy behind his smile, anger behind his scowl (though it fades in the shadows), and sadness behind his veil.

I don't personally read Verso as actually neurodivergent, despite all the autism-y stuff I'm about to read into this part of his story. But this here? Feels like pretty good evidence for that case, if you're so inclined. At any rate, this is a thing I relate to: deliberately and self-consciously performing an emotion that I genuinely feel, because otherwise the neurotypical people around me will misconstrue my emotional state. I want to relate, and so I perform.

This can be a way to fawn or people-please. It can be exhausting. It is necessarily performative (which isn't synonymous with inauthentic, in my opinion). It should be and usually isn't reciprocal; we should be able to expect the people close to us to make an effort to understand us as well (that's why it's called the double empathy problem).

But it can also be an act of love, care, and genuine striving towards connection. It can be honest. The mask, in this case, is a window.

The Expeditioners and mask-as-mirror

The false axon, Visages, fights using five masks, one for each expeditioner. From left to right as we look at Visages, these are Peace, Confidence, Determination, Anxiety, Doubt. These masks are wielded without a lot of, um, subtlety... until Visages is defeated and the Mask Keeper, the true axon, uses them much more expertly.

Painted Verso, Lune, and Maelle are each paired with a mask that incapacitates them: Doubt, Confidence, and Anxiety respectively. Sciel gets the Determination mask but quickly overcomes it. Monoco is protected by his own mask, but I'm assigning him the leftover Mask of Peace. Five expeditioners, five masks.

Some of these expeditioner-mask pairs surprised me at first. But I think they make sense when the masks are considered as mirrors intended to create an incapacitating emotional response. That is, if we think of the Mask Keeper (Verso) as a an artist who has weaponised his art to force his audience to confront themselves.

Painted Verso and the Mask of Doubt: The least surprising pair, in my opinion. This Verso lives in a perpetual state of doubt; he hides it poorly, though he manages to fool himself much of the time (this is one of very few examples of a mask actually obscuring something in this game, if only from its own wearer). He has to deceive himself, because if he lets himself feel that doubt for even a moment, he won't be able to do what he believes he must: let Gustave die, manipulate the expeditioners into expelling the Paintress, and ultimately, stop the fragment of Verso's soul from painting. By attacking him with the Mask of Doubt, the artist (the Mask Keeper) uses a mask to force the viewer (Verso) to confront a lie that he tells himself. Mask as mirror.

Lune and the Mask of Confidence: Lune's arc over the game is about shedding the weight of her parents' expectations and making sure the voices in her head are hers, not theirs. She must find confidence in her own understanding of what makes this world worth saving (music, for one, which her parents found frivolous) and in her ability to carry out this mission as herself and for her own sake, rather than as the embodiment of her parents' legacy. At this point in the game, Lune is intensely dutiful but not confident in her bones, for all she performs it. The Mask Keeper forces her to confront this lack in herself—never a pleasant experience, especially for an overachiever. Mask as mirror.

Maelle and the Mask of Anxiety: This one stumped me a little, as Maelle neither lacks nor has an excess of anxiety. But Alicia… I think this is a mask very well suited to Alicia, and to Maelle's later reaction to the prospect of returning to Alicia's life outside the canvas: to rehearse all the ways that life will suffocate or imprison her. She cannot imagine herself buoyed by it, growing in it, thriving in it. It is a dark future full of terrible uncertainties. Maelle is, at this point, still ignorant of her true identity, but those memories are inside her, churning up enough anxiety that she just keeps. on. repressing. The mask forces her to look that fear in the face, even before she can recognise it in herself. Mask as mirror.

Monoco and the Mask of Peace: Unless I'm mistaken (it's quite hard to see in the video, even frame by frame), the masks we see bounce off Monoco are Doubt and Anxiety. Neither Confidence nor Determination so much as threaten him. The mask left over once all the humans have their own is Peace.

Monoco is the child Verso's representation of the family dog: faithful, untroubled by what may come so long as his silly humans are nearby and happy. But Monoco is also a person, and he does express doubt and anxiety to Verso over the course of the game—about Noco, about travelling with an expedition again and all the grief that entails. But he faces those feelings, names them, and so they have no power over him. Monoco is peace personified: what will be, will be, and in the meantime he'll help his friends and get in some good scraps. He doesn't need this artist's mirror, and the masks cannot hurt him.

Sciel and the Mask of Determination: This might have been the most unintuitive pairing for me. Like Lune and confidence, determination is an emotion that Sciel performs, but not one I felt she was strongly driven by.

After all, she doesn't really have a clear goal in mind. In Act One, reminiscing with Gustave about Aquafarm 3, she strongly implies that she doesn't believe the expeditions—or anything the people of Lumiere do—can make a difference.

Sciel: Kinda nostalgic, thinking back. We really thought we were making a difference. Gustave: Hey, we're still making a difference. Sciel: (unconvincingly) Yes. Of course! Gustave: (also kinda unconvincingly) Yeah!

Sciel is along for the ride. This expedition is something to do with her final year, and inasmuch as she has any goals, they are help my buddies and have fun while it lasts. She's pleased, after defeating the Paintress, to suddenly have (or believe she has) decades of life ahead of her, but she's also unafraid of death. She accepts her Gommage with equanimity, both at the close of Act Two and in Verso's ending.

But Sciel is determined. Her goal is to live—not forever but fully, in as much or as little time as she's permitted. She dances on stage on the day of the Gommage; she leaps dramatically into the Gestral arena; she loves openly, wholeheartedly, and honestly.

She decided, after her attempted suicide and despite her grief, to keep on living. Living, not surviving.

This is a truth Sciel knows about herself, so the Mask of Determination has nothing to show her. It can't hurt her, because it is her.

The Mask Keeper

We're approaching the point where I abandon the actual text and roll about in pure uncut headcanon. But first, a few things about the Mask Keeper. Because he might be Renoir's creature, but his understanding of masks is not identical to his creator's.

Mask Keeper: People want so badly to know, "What's behind the mask?" Front, back. Recto, verso. Great art is both window and mirror. Whether it's your mask or theirs. Verso: Harmless, huh. Sciel: He's the real Axon. Mask Keeper: Child, we all need masks, but how you use them, mmm….

The Mask Keeper first quotes Renoir, but goes on to challenge Renoir's view of masks. We all wear masks, artist and audience alike, Verso and Renoir alike, because we all need them.

And where Renoir thinks that masks impede an artist's ability to create great art, the Mask Keeper seems to disagree. How you use the mask is what's important. You can use them as a window, as we saw in the Vales, or you can use them as a mirror, as we will see when the theatrics are over and the fight is on.

And here is where I get speculative, because I want to take two more steps: First, to say that masks can be mirror and window simultaneously, so that Verso can make great art without abandoning his masks. Second, to say that Verso, before his death, understood this.

Neither proposition has much textual support! We see a lot of masks on this island, none of which serve simultaneously as window and mirror. And what little we learn about the first Verso over the course of the entire game is filtered through his childhood creation or through other people, who loved him dearly but perhaps didn't always see him clearly.

But here's my last shred of evidence: Renoir's axons are, with the exception of the Mask Keeper, wholly representative of his point of view. Parables, according to Maelle. (You could argue that they're great art as Renoir understands it: mirrors for his loved ones, windows to his wishes for them and what those wishes reveal about himself, but that's another post, I think.)

My point is that Verso's axon should reflect Renoir's understanding of Verso: beloved, brilliant, but hiding behind his masks. Held back by reluctance to know himself or let himself be known.

The Mask Keeper isn't that. He's a trickster, yes, but he doesn't hide. The masks don't restrain his art, they are his art. He uses them with intent, precision, and clarity of purpose. Because he is, after all, not a visual artist but an actor, lit by spotlights, monologuing as he gazes at a skull mask.

Renoir, with his incredible talent, captured with this axon parts of his son that he, Renoir, doesn't consciously perceive.

(I think the Mask Keeper's divergence from Renoir's vision has interesting implications for the debate about whether Renoir's criticism of Aline for painting humans is hypocritical, but that, too, is another post.)

I wrote a few weeks ago about how Verso's passion for music above the visual arts informs his understanding of the canvas. I think this difference in artistic sensibility between Verso and the rest of the family is also significant here. Theatre and musical performance are very different, of course, but they have more in common than music and visual art: they are both performance arts, in which the performers both affect and are affected by the emotions of their audience. And they are both arts that (while we now have the technology to record them) are historically, and I think fundamentally, transient: the performance ends, and no subsequent performance will ever be exactly the same. Performance unfolds over time, while visual artists create artifacts, complete and whole, unchanging.

So, with those similarities in mind, allow me to shamelessly conflate theatre and music. There are important differences, but I want to make some inferences about Verso from the nature of theatre, so gosh darn it I shall.

While Renoir is obviously skilled in the use of metaphor and symbolism in his work, he nevertheless believes that a painter must bare their soul on the canvas. The painter who wears a mask puts a wall up between themselves and the audience; they can never be a great artist. But an actor must wear a mask, either literally or figuratively, in order to communicate and elicit emotion; they pretend in order to illuminate a truth. The mask is an essential part of the art. I believe Verso, a performer above all else, understands his masks to be part of his work, not an obstruction to it.

And there's a darker side to this, of course (light and shadow, clair-obscur). Theatre is more manipulative than the visual arts. The composition of a painting gently encourages the eye to follow a certain path, but bright spotlights place hard boundaries on the audience's perception: you will see what the director intends, when they intend, and you will see absolutely nothing else. The performance unfolds over time, along a route determined in advance by director, playwright, and actors, with the goal of eliciting an emotional response to that unfolding story; that is, with the goal of manipulating the audience. Viewing a painting (or reading a book, for that matter *gestures at Alicia*) is much freer: glance over it, or immerse yourself in it for hours, taking in its details at your own pace, according to your own whims, feeling however that work of art makes you feel at that particular moment.

The Mask Keeper is manipulating the expedition from the moment they step onto the island... just as painted Verso manipulates the expedition from the moment they step onto the continent. To paraphrase the Mask Keeper, masks are not just to illuminate. They may also obscure.

And so Renoir isn't wrong, but he isn't seeing the whole picture, either. Because masks can be many things: wall, mirror, window, art, tool.

Masking and authenticity, or: Yep, my reasoning is motivated

I'm what's known these days as a high-masking autistic person (because "high-functioning" *spits on ground* is a cursed misnomer). But I didn't learn that about myself until I was in my thirties. Instead I learned at a very young age that my autistic traits were bad and wrong, and that if I wanted to be loved I had to be different. I was so young when I began, and so good at conforming, that I even fooled myself.

But that sort of masking isn't sustainable. Everybody does something like masking a lot of the time: code-switching, putting on a professional face for work, smoothing over social conflict with a smile you don't actually feel. But autistic masking is… intense. It's not just pushing some parts of yourself to the fore and hiding others; it's developing new, wholly unintuitive, effortful ways of being in the world. It's constantly surveilling and policing every aspect of how you show up in the world.

Turns out, prolonged stress is really bad for you!

So I crash and burn, and suddenly all the ways I used to mask are just… gone? And I don't really know who I am anymore. Because I started suppressing that person as a child.

From what I've heard and read, this is a fairly common experience for late-diagnosed high-masking autistics. It's really difficult to figure out what part of you is the mask and which part is you. I've suppressed all my sensory discomfort and all my natural traits and impulses so hard that I have to rediscover them through laborious trial and error. I keep peeling back layers, thinking I've finally figured it out, but whoops. More mask.

But that mask? Is also me. I look back on who I was in my twenties and I don't think she's a phoney. She's confident and adventurous and full of life. I like her. I wish I could tell her that she's furiously treading water just under the surface, and hey girl you're autistic, why not go sit in a quiet, darkened room for a bit and listen to yourself. But… I like her. She might have been masking, but she lived a life better aligned with my values than the one I live right now. More closely resembling my dreams.

So if I must rebuild myself now, I don't want to throw the entire mask away. I just want to understand its shape and learn where the sharp edges are.

And this is why I appreciate the island of Visages: because a mask is just a tool. It isn't inherently deceitful. It isn't necessarily isolating. The trick is to understand it and yourself; to know when to take it off. Verso, I want to believe, understood that this was possible. He knew, or was learning, how to play with masks, how to create with them, and how to be unconstrained by them. To use them to illuminate, not to hide.

Because, in the words of Agrado, which I have thought about at least twice a month for two decades, "You are more authentic, the more you resemble what you've dreamed of being."

[litloverscorsetlaces]

My Favorite E/C Fanfics in 1-2 (or 3) [Potentially Incomplete] Sentences:

No particular order, just enjoying the reading experience. All of these fics are complete and on AO3.

Unsung by wheel-of-fish: This fic begins after the events of the musical and grabs you from the very first chapter. Atp it's required reading in the phandom, and for good reason! I go back to reread this one a lot because the prose is just so immersive (and yet so tight! No words wasted!).

The Living Wife by MlleBree: I may or may not have bawled my eyes out reading this fic. Leroux based "Christine learns to love him" fanfic packed with tenderness and emotions and all the things. The ending really makes this one stand out.

The Endless Circle by adieulannah: An Erik redemption arc where E and C are unlikely roommates. Beautifully written and the slow burn, tension, and smut are all very well crafted.

Paper Faces by Multicoloredrosepetals: This fic changed my mind about modern AUs (because for some reason I swore I wasn't interested in them before). Erik and Christine go through it individually, but they're there for each other and the ending is so rewarding!

The Devil Never Sleeps by PointlessNostalgic: Ok what I love about this fic (and others by PointlessNostalgic) is that the author isn't committed to a cut-and-dry Erik redemption. The darkness, obsession, and discomfort never really go away, and the prose hooks you and makes for quite an angsty reading experience. This is also one of the few fanfics where I actually believe Erik is significantly older than Christine.

Ghosts by amadeussutefu: So perfectly smutty and also so endearing! There's a particular chapter toward the beginning/middle(?) that really makes me smile because I love a hopeful Erik.

Teach Me To Live by Donttouchthefigs: This is a modern AU, but it doesn't necessarily slap you in the face as a modern AU because Erik is so Leroux that it almost feels like the author transported him from the nineteenth century. Very florid writing and the author put extra care and effort into the feels. Also love how Raoul is handled here!

It's in Your Soul by Bozbozboz: A great LND fix-it! Not much to say other than the author understood the assignment. It's a quick and enjoyable read with wonderful smut and feels and little Gustave!

Probably will do some more of these but we'll start here for now.

[atevanfool]

Stacie's Master List of 9-1-1 Fics:

Updated 6/03/2025 On Ao3

(Mostly BuckTommy)

As We Go Along Rated: G

BuckTommy

Summary: Buck still bakes every time he thinks about Tommy. And he thinks about Tommy a lot. In fact, he thinks about him so much that sometimes the man manifests in the things Buck creates without him even trying. Especially with Christmas just around the corner.

No "happy" ending

It Was Dinner and a Movie Rated: T

BuckTommy

CW: Mild homophobic language

Summary: The boys decide to do a first date do-over now that Buck is more comfortable in his skin. And while things go mostly smooth, something small always has to interfere, and Tommy is over it. He was afraid to speak his mind once, but he's older, wiser, and has a much lower tolerance for others intolerances now. While this date won't be perfect, he refuses to let the small-minded make it worse.

LA's Link to the Sky Rated: G

BuckTommy

Summary: Buck and Tommy have a full week of opposing schedules and Buck is excited because he has something special planned for Tommy, and he can't have him catching onto it until Buck is ready.

Shine Bright Like a Northern Star Explicit Version Rated: M

BuckTommy

Summary:

Buck surprises Tommy with a late night beach date and things get a little bit emotional.

For the rated G version of this story, please check out Chapter 5 in my previously published work "A Thousand Butterfly Kisses."

A Thousand Butterfly Kisses Rated: G

BuckTommy (Incomplete 5/8 Chapters, All individual one-shots. Currently abandoned.)

Summary:

A collection of short stories about various dates Buck and Tommy go on, including taking the kids to the zoo, picnics under the stars, ferris wheels and roller skating at the pier and so much more. Nothing but fluff and happiness for these two! (Except in one instance.)

Each story is completely independent of the other. At least one story will contain age related death but there will be a warning in the author's notes at the beginning if that's something you're triggered by. Any other triggers will be in the A/N each chapter as well as a short description of the story.

Soft Kitty, Warm Kitty Rated: G

BuckTommy

Summary:

Tommy keeps his promises, and even though he's late, he still shows up, tired and exhausted as he is. In thanks, Evan shows him what it means to be taken care of and prioritized.

The beginning is just like the end of 7x06 but hopefully it's only a small part of it.

Someone Like You Rated: G

BuckTommy

Summary: Buck manages to keep it hidden from everyone for over a month, but one day he just breaks. When he does, the only thing he wants, more than Tommy, is his big sister to hold him and tell him everything will be alright.

Post 8.06 Canon Compliant - No "happy" ending!

Right as Rain Rated: G

BuckTommy

Summary: The cat distribution system hits Buck while Tommy is at work.

Walk With Me Rated: G

BuckTommy

Summary: Buck and Tommy go for an early morning walk together.

Satin and Lace Rated: E

BuckTommy

Summary: Tommy likes to wear lace once in awhile, trying to be true to himself and getting out of the mindset of toxic masculinity, but he's never told Evan. One day, Evan walks into his bedroom after Tommy has gone to change after a very windy date, and to say Tommy is caught unawares is an understatement. Only Evan's reaction is totally unexpected and shenanigans Tommy has never experienced before ensue.

Oh Captain, My Captain! Rated: G

Bobby centric, includes all main couples

CW: Mentions of depression/poor mental health

Summary: Bobby has no issues being honest about his feelings. Until he does. It's been months since he left the 118, and he wakes up every morning regretting it, but he made this bed and now he's being forced to lay in it. But he doesn't want anyone to know. Can't let anyone know his weakness. Athena, the amazing woman and wife that she is, does notice however, and she makes it her mission to bring that smile back to her husbands face, and bring his family back to him, any way she can.

Groundhog Day Rated: T

BuckTommy

CW: Vehicular accidents, mentions of coma's, mentions of blood/bruising

Summary:

Tommy is being forced to take a vacation, as ordered by his superiors at Harbor, and he hates it. Sulking, he heads out to the open road with no plans in mind, planning to hole up in a crappy motel for a week when his plans are ripped from his hands. As he drives along an empty country road, a semi comes out of nowhere and meets him in a head-on crash. When he wakes, he's in an unfamiliar room, greeted by an unfamiliar child who looks just like E... Buck... and... Buck?

He can tell that something is wrong but he doesn't know what so he lives out the day, growing more and more confused. He makes love to Evan that night, falling into peaceful sleep. When he wakes he doesn't recognize where he is, but he's greeted by a kid that looks just like Evan and... Evan? Except parts of the world keeps distorting around him, the headaches get worse every time it does, and in the recesses of his mind he can hear a voice calling for him, but he doesn't know how to reach it.

Something is seriously wrong, but he doesn't know how to fix it... Or how to get back to his true reality.

I Told You I'm Sorry Rated: E

BuckTommy

TW: Some dub-con with a blowjob

Summary:

Tommy goes over to the loft to grovel but the second "I'm sorry" leaves his lips, he can't get much else out after that because one second he's speaking and the next Evan is trying to take a chunk out of his bottom lip.

Don't Rain on my Parade Rated: G (WIP 1/3 Chapters)

BuckTommy

Summary:

Buck finds a cat that he picks up but the loft doesn't allow pets, so he brings the poor thing to Tommy and begs him to take him. Reluctantly, Tommy agrees, unable to say no to the Buckley pout. This is the story of how Tommy and a little black void become best friends.

Daddy, Please Rated: E

BuckTommy

CW: Daddy kink

Summary:

What happens after Buck and Tommy have dinner after Buck found out that Bobby was going to be okay? Sex. That's what happens. Hot and steamy sex.

Morning Surprise Rated: G

BuckTommy

Summary:

Tommy and Evan have a sleepover for one of the first times. They stayed up so late, and got so tired, that they maybe forgot to close a window last night. The next morning they wake up to find something soft, furry, and definitely not theirs sharing Tommy's bed.

In the Light of the Day Rated: G

BuckTommy

CW: Major character death, No HEA, Hurt No Comfort

Summary:

Everything is right in Buck's world. He has his Tommy. His home. His job. Things are perfect... Right?

Inspired by the breakfast scene.

Morning Light Rated: G

BuckTommy

Summary:

Some things never change, and Buck has learned to appreciate them.

Or Buck has a throwback to the first time he and Tommy are in "Eddie's" old kitchen on year after they're married.

Don't You Rated: G

BuckTommy

Summary:

Athena gives Tommy the shovel talk post funeral.

Make Me Feel Rated: E

BuckTommy

Summary:

Buck is numb after the funeral. All he wants is to feel something. Anything. And Tommy is there to help.

8x15 compliant

Heat of the Moment Rated: E

BuckTommy

Summary:

Evan is crashing out before the funeral even begins and goes into hiding, so Chimney ropes Tommy into helping find him. When he does, there's only one way he can think of to get Evan back on solid ground.

Earning Your Wings Rated: G

BuckTommy

CW: Major character NDE

Summary:

Buck wakes up to a call from Maddie. One that no one who knows a first responder wants to get; Tommy's been hurt, and it's not looking good. They haven't even had a chance to fully reconcile and Buck doesn't think he could handle losing him so soon after losing his dad.

Without wasting a single second, he rushes to the pilots side - praying like he's never prayed before.

Expanding Rated: T

BuckTommy

CW: Some mild use of homophobic language as well as some somewhat racist jokes made by a POC towards another POC.

Summary:

Evan and Tommy decide to take the plunge to adopt kids. The discuss it between them, with Evan stating that he wants a baby. Tommy goes along with it, wanting whatever will make Evan happy. During the whole process, Evan keeps it in his head that they're going to raise a child together but when it comes time to choose a child, they're drawn to seventeen year old troubled teen Branson Rodriguez. Something about him speaks to both men.

Branson is a broken child just looking for a place to settle and has a lot of trouble trusting others. He's used to being looked down on and tossed aside and he expects these two queer men to treat him just the same. Adults have never taken the time to dig deep and find the root cause of all his issues so why would Buck and Tommy?

This is a story about finding a place to belong, and the love it takes to heal a broken child's heart.

Home Rated: G

BuckTommy

Summary:

Buck settles into his new home with Tommy.

Tommy's Tummy Rated: E

BuckTommy

Summary:

Tommy loves absolutely everything about Evan "Buck" Buckley, but more than anything else, Tommy loves his Evan's tummy.

[deathandnonexistentialdread]

Hello again!

Favorite moment in the Battlefield City arc so far?

Also, do you have a favorite duel monster's card? Or a card that you think best represents you?

I have a lot, I can't pick one. So here are my top moments

the Pandora battle

I love the battle with Pandora, it reminded me of a Saw game with the high stakes and how one person survives at the risk of the other dying. Pandora's character is very intriguing and I'm kinda sad we never get to see more of him.

Also the implication that the cards themselves have emotions has never been bought up after this and I want them to bring it up again. Because I think there was this belief in ancient Egypt that if you complete a drawing it will have life or something along those lines- i heard about it back in elementary so take this with a kilo of salt. A lot of orthodox people share a similar belief that if you draw a image of a living being completely, you are disrespecting the Creator, so more often than not, there will be either a flaw or a small part will be left incomplete.

I'm sorry for the tangent but this battle really bought up some interesting implications regarding the aliveness of the cards in Duel Monsters

2. Yuugi and Yami

the relationship that these two share makes me want to crack my own head open (in a good way). They care about each and the y complete each other and ieiosdfjfjWI

they are very neat and if they ever get separated i will be crying

3. Yuugi and Jonouchi

these two also make me want to rip my head off but for other reasons. Yuugi brings out the best in Jonouchi and Jonouchi brings out the confidence in Yuugi and I love them so much!!

The battle that they had had me at the edge of my seat and it was so emotional and well written and it made me love them even more

4. Yami v/s Marik: Slifer the sky dragon

I do not have a picture of that but the strategy that Yami used is one of my favourites and it was excecuted very well

5. Yami Bakura and Marik Ishtar

This duo. I love them so much, Their back and forth is fun to watch

6. Shizuka giving the peace sign as she is being wheeled to surgery

Absolute baller move on her part. She is so adorable and definitely one of my favourite side characters

Also an honorary mention to Kaiba admitting that he made the Duel Disk System inflict psychological damage...for funsies??

Why would Kaiba put this there in the first place? What 10 year old out there needs to be traumatized this bad??

I know you asked for one and you got seven. I'm sorry about that

As for favorite Duel Monsters card,

so far it is Dark Magician Girl!!

There is so much I like about her!! I love how you equip her with the Spellbook card to raise her stats as well as how she powers up with every magician in the graveyard. She has so much untapped potential its insane, can't wait to see her at her fullest!!

For personality I think I'm most like Kuriboh

no thoughts, all fluff. except Kuriboh is definitely smarter than me

[morning-gist]

Five Reasons Why Star Trek Continues is a Stellar Tribute to the Original Series

2. Emotional Connection and Closure

Today, we continue with #2 on my list. Check back tomorrow for the final installment

When Star Trek was abruptly canceled after its third season (1969), fans were left without a conclusion to the Enterprise’s five-year mission. For decades, this incomplete journey remained a bittersweet aspect of Star Trek history. Star Trek Continues stepped in to address this, picking up where TOS left off and carrying the story to a meaningful conclusion.

Through its carefully crafted episodes, the series wrapped up storylines and provided fans with a satisfying farewell to the original crew. The final episodes were particularly poignant, exploring themes of legacy, exploration, and personal growth that resonated deeply with viewers. By completing the mission, Star Trek Continues gave fans the closure they had been longing for, bringing a sense of resolution to this iconic chapter of the Star Trek universe.

What made the series even more special was its ability to expand the Star Trek universe in a way that felt authentic and meaningful. Rather than reinventing the wheel, Star Trek Continues built upon the foundation of TOS, bridging the narrative gap between the original series and The Motion Picture. This respect for the legacy ensured that the show felt like a natural continuation of the original while adding new dimensions to the Star Trek mythos.

By combining emotional depth, respectful storytelling, and a sense of closure, Star Trek Continues provided fans with a final journey alongside the beloved crew of the Enterprise. It wasn’t just a continuation—it was a celebration of everything that made Star Trek iconic. For fans who had followed the series since 1966, this was the perfect way to boldly go one more time.

Transition to Star Trek: The Motion Picture.

[samgirl98]

Mending a Family 38/?

Prev | Next

Jason’s guilt grew as he entered his newly restored Mustang.

He had finished fixing her up that day and had been excited to take his little family around the village.

And he had. He had put Danny in a booster seat and Ellie in a car seat and taken a drive with Jazz in the passenger seat. They made it a family day, ate out, sang out of tune with whatever song came on the radio, and had a good time.

Then, they got home, Danny fell asleep, and Jason started feeling down.

He had no idea why he had bouts of depression, but they were starting to become annoying. Well, they would be if he had the space to feel annoyed.

Jason rubbed his chest. It hurt as if someone was squeezing his heart.

Jason turned on the car and felt the soft purr. He stayed in the car, not daring to move. Why couldn’t he feel happy all the time? Why was he thinking about his old family so much? Every time he felt miserable about his old family, he felt guilty. It felt as if he was betraying his current family.

Jason was so lost in his negative thoughts he didn’t notice Jazz until she entered the passenger side.

“Jazz, what are you doing here? Are the kids alone?”

Jason was about to leave the car when Jazz pulled out a baby monitor.

“I got it covered,” she said, “Besides, nobody can come through our haunt without us knowing.”

Jason said nothing.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” came his automatic response. Jazz raised an eyebrow.

“Uh-huh. Sure, I believe that, big brother.”

Silence reigned for a while. The chirping of the crickets was the only thing that could be heard.

“Am I a bad person for missing them so much? I love you guys, and you are the best things that have ever happened to me, but when I’m alone with my thoughts and emotions, I can’t help—I miss them but feel like I’m betraying what we have. What we found.”

Jason let his head fall on the steering wheel. The ache in his chest grew. He wanted his family to be whole again. Jason could picture it in his mind’s eye. Danny surrounded by the Waynes. Danny being spoiled by his aunts and uncles. By the Ancients, he wanted that. He wanted Danny to have cousins, aunts, and uncles.

Jason wanted his older jackass of a brother. He wanted his grandfather…He wanted his dad.

He wanted his family whole. No, his family was whole already.

What was he thinking? What was wrong with him? Why wasn’t he satisfied with the family he had?

“We have a theory,” Jazz said, putting her hand on Jason’s head and giving soft scratches. It felt nice. “Danny and I think your obsession is family. Until you can have every last person you consider family surrounding you, well, you won’t feel complete.”

Jason snorted. It made sense, but Ancients, did his obsession have to be something he couldn’t have?

“So basically, my obsession is unreachable. They’ll never take me back. And if I do return, they’ll try to take Danny away from me. They’ll consider me unstable, too much of a monster to raise a child.”

Jazz said nothing. Jason raised his head and stared at the woman who had become his younger sister. Someone Jason could trust.

“I miss mom and dad sometimes, too,” Jazz whispered, “not for the people they turned out to be, but for who they once were.”

Jazz smiled bittersweetly and turned toward Jason, “Do you think me a bad person for missing them?”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” was his automatic response.

“Then why don’t you give yourself that same leeway? My parents have done horrible things; they tried to kill Danny! Yet, I still miss them. Family is complicated, Jason. Emotions are even more so. Don’t blame yourself for what you’re feeling, and don’t feel like you’re betraying us because you want what you used to have. We understand.”

“You’re all too good for me.”

Jazz slapped the back of his head. Jason yelped out in surprise.

“And stop thinking you don’t deserve to be happy. You have a family, even if it’s incomplete.”

“No, you guys are enough,” Jason refuted.

Jazz smiled sadly and kissed his cheek.

“I’m going inside. Remember, don’t feel bad for your emotions, Jason. If I’m allowed to miss my old family, so are you.”

Jason said nothing. He watched Jazz enter the house, lost in his thoughts.

How nice it would be to integrate his old family with his new one, but if he tried, he would lose what he had built.

“Suck it up, Todd; you have a great family now. Forget about your old one.”

Jason turned off the car, phased through it, and returned to the house. The ache in his chest still throbbed.

Suddenly, a chill ran down his spine. He looked out into the darkness and felt watched. There was no one there. Jason gave one more uneasy look into the forest and went inside.

____

Tim couldn’t believe his eyes.

“Holy shit,” he whispered.

Tim had a facial recognition program running 24/7. After a few weeks of the program running, he had a match.

La Petite Académie would like to thank Peter “Jay” Nightingale for his generous donation to the school. Two benches will be built in his honor.

Tim observed the picture. Jason had dyed his head red and glared at the camera as his picture was taken. He held a plaque with the school’s name, address, and Jason’s alias.

He broke into the school’s files and read about Daniel Nightingale. He had the highest marks in his class and was considered exceptionally smart. Jason had donated fifteen thousand dollars to the school and seemed to be an active participant in school activities. Jazz Nightingale was put in as an emergency contact, and he found phone numbers. Most important, though, was the address listed on the record.

Tim had a lead. His next stop would be Tadoussac, Canada.

I'm so sorry if this wasn't up to my usual standard. I needed to move the plot along. On the plus side, I know how I want the story to go and end. On the downside, I see an end, which means my time with this fic is coming to a close.

Anyway, I hope you liked

@itsberrydreemurstuff @idontgetpaidenoughforthisshit @skulld3mort-1fan @theauthorandtheartist @emergentpanda-blog @jaggedheart11 @fisticuffsatapplebees @booberrylizard @fantasticbluebirdfan @thegatorsgooseoose @cyrwrites @kjoboo91 @crystallicedart @amaramizuki666 @spekulatiusmuffin @meira-3919 @kilasmess @bubblemixer @lexdamo @wonderland-daisy @mj-arts-n-stuff @amyheart19 @dolfay @the-church-grimm @undead-essence @aph-mable @lizisipancardo @purrloin77 @writer-extraodinaire @charlietheepic7 @sinfulloccultist @nootherusernameworked @coruscateselene @chaoticchange @itsberrydreemurstuff @gmkelz11 @feral-bunny31 @paroovian @thatonegaybitch68 @d4ydr34min9 @overtherose @fandomwandererer @vipower001 @thordottir45 @blackrabbitt3t @rosecinnamonbun @bianca-hooks123 @epilepticnerd @dat1angel @consouling @flamingenchiladadragon @all-mights-asscheeks @ender-reader @fuyu-bitch @ravenswife

[wisteria-tarot]

Hi, there are lots of rumors about football player pablo gavi and his allegedly girlfriend ana pelayo. Can you do reading if this relationship is true and they really love each other? Is she using him for fame or other reasons? And if this relationship have a future? ❤️

Disclaimer: This reading is only for entertainment. Take it with a grain of salt. These are my personal interpretations of the cards with a sprinkle of intuition. Tarot is not set in stone it is not the end all be all of someones life.

is this relationship real?

queen of wands, king of pentacles (rx), strength (rx), judgement (rx), the world (rx):

While there is genuine attraction and energy in the relationship, it appears that there are significant challenges and unresolved issues preventing it from being stable or fully real. There might be instability or a lack of commitment, emotional struggles or a lack of resilience. There may be some failure to reflect on the relationship honestly or make necessary changes, the relationship feels incomplete or stuck.

Is she using him for fame or other reasons?

king of swords, 4 of pentacles (rx), 2 of wands, 6 of pentacles (rx), wheel of fortune (rx):

She may be motivated by personal ambition and a desire to improve her situation or gain stability. There’s an indication of imbalance in the relationship, suggesting she might be taking more than she’s giving, or focusing more on what she can gain. She may be strategic and calculated in her approach, but it's not necessarily about using someone for fame alone—it could be about pursuing her goals in a calculated, rational manner. Things might not be going as planned for her, which could mean she’s struggling or feeling stuck in her pursuit of her objectives, including possibly fame or social status.

Does the relationship have a future?

9 of wands, 6 of cups, 10 of swords, ace of wands (rx), the magician (rx):

The future of the relationship looks uncertain and potentially fraught with difficulty. There are still efforts being made, but the relationship may feel like a constant struggle. There seems to be a strong emotional bond, but the relationship is overly focused on the past or nostalgia, making it hard to move forward. There could be a painful ending or a sense of betrayal that is difficult to overcome, and a lack of passion and energy in the relationship. There is a sense of missed potential or a lack of direction and control.

[goodvibesatpeace]

Energy

The energy within us is divine

A force that courses through our spine

Each chakra, a wheel of light

Guiding us through day and night

From root to crown, they all align

In harmony, they make us shine

But when they're blocked, our energy depletes

Till we're left feeling incomplete

The first, our base, where it all begins

A red vortex, where our safety lies within

Stability and grounding, we find here

In our body, it's the foundation of all we hold dear

Then comes the sacral, a vibrant orange hue

Where our emotions flow, both old and new

Our desires and passions, they all reside

In this chakra, where our creative power lies inside

Next in line, the solar plexus glows

A yellow fire, where our confidence grows

Our willpower and strength, it all stems

From this chakra, guiding us towards our greatest dreams

As we move up, the heart chakra beats

In emerald green, where love truly meets

For ourselves, for others, and for all living things

This chakra teaches us the power that love brings

Throat chakra, a azure blue

Where our truth is spoken, both old and new

Communication, expression, and speaking our mind

In this chakra, our voice is one of a kind

Then we reach the third eye, a deep indigo

Where our intuition and wisdom flows

Insight and clarity, it's all here

In this chakra, our inner vision becomes clear

Last but not least, the crown chakra shines

A majestic violet, where the divine aligns

Our connection to the universe, to all that is

In this chakra, our true self we rediscover and bliss

Our body, a vessel for these chakras to thrive

Each one vital, for our energy to thrive

In balance, we find our truest form

A passionate being, with our chakras transformed

So let our energy flow ever so free

In harmony and unity, with our true self we'll be

Embrace the complex, the passion within

For our chakras are our greatest epic, our journey to begin.

[barmadumet]

CW: Pet Death

It’s been a year today. I didn’t tell many people at the time because it was so hard to talk about. It still is. There’s many people irl who still don’t know. Between my grandparents, parents, and unborn babies, I’ve faced all types of grief in the last handful of years, but this? A new definition of emotional pain. His was a presence with me for more than half my life. He was there every day, an essential part of my comfort space. Every night, he was in my bed. I still feel very incomplete.

It was raining when I found him in 2004. I was at work – my first job. I heard a customer say they’d seen a kitten dart under a running truck. It was actually out of character for me to abandon my post and flee to the parking lot. I stopped the driver just as he was about to leave. I kneeled in the puddles of gravel-filled, muddy water and looked under the back wheel well, and there he was.

Love at first sight is real. When I met the blue eyes of the yelping, tiny, snowball-white kitten, I knew he was mine.

He was perched up on the center of the undercarriage of the truck. I smashed my face against the side panel, reaching my arm as far as it could go. I didn’t care about the exhaust fumes I was breathing in from the tailpipe. I didn’t care that I was getting soaked. I didn’t care about work. I reached for him – until the tips of my fingers touched him for the first time, and I was able to coax him to me. When I had him in my arms, I pulled him to my chest, and since then, he has always been close to my heart.

It was one of the hardest moments of my life when I put him in the ground. I knelt in the damp mud around the fresh grave. He was snug in his bed when my husband and I lowered him down. When he was secure in his resting place, we covered him in a blanket. And before we covered him in earth, I reached for him. And again, I didn’t care about the mud, and I didn’t care about the mess of my falling tears and running nose. I bent over as far as my body would allow, and stretched my arm until my fingertips slipped under the blanket and grazed the soft fur for the last time.

It hit me in that instant that he’d come into my life and left it in a similar manner, and it’s hard to describe the flood of emotions that came over me then. The poetry of it captivated and soothed me, but the finality of it tore me apart.

I think of him every day. There isn’t a relationship in existence that can compare.

Evan, Ev, Rudes, Rudy. . . Until we meet again 🤍

[lagaans]

possibly incomplete list of favorite things about XX / 3x02:

opening shot

dream miranda crawling dead and reanimated out of the water oh bitch the absolute miles and LEAGUES dream miranda went to elevate this episode wow..

silver expressing emotions

billy hanging off the mast(? sorry I don't know sailing terms) and that one shot where the boat is so sideways and the water so violent that the entire mast gets thrashed into the water and that other guy dies.

eleanor's voice while recounting to woodes rogers how she took control of nassau. something a bit strange and offputting about it in a very deliciously interesting way

"does that mean we're married"

^I wish somebody would invent tig notaro 'ok dyke' for bisexuals

silver in general that whole time. WAH

max trying to explain to anne that she knows anne will not want to leave her but will have to eventually and anne trying to refuse it but also knowing she's right!!!!

Flint completely alone on the deck TIED to the wheel 🫡 the odysseus parallels are paralleling

closing shot!!!!!!

[wreckedhoney]

A Killer Frequency Major Arcana Match-up! bc sometimes it's fun to match characters & setpieces from a story with the major arcana from the tarot deck. But some picks are better than others lol, I bolded the ones I like best. Feel free to share what/who you'd match with which, or what picks here stand out! Shared a bit of this on discord, so hello to anyone seeing this again! I added more since :)

0. The Fool - Jimmy. Curiosity, Optimism, Journeys, Trust (both deserved & misplaced), Above the opinions of others. Upside down: Agency, Responsibility, Don’t catastrophize/overthink.

I. The Magician - Carrie. Creativity, Invention, Transformative process, Art, Wisdom, Purity. Upside down: Ineffective old habits, Learn new tricks, Hard work, Change.

II. The High Priestess - KFAM Radio station. Welcoming, Mysterious, Fertile, Secrets, Clarity, Good surprises, Opportunity. Upside down: Actions over wishful thinking.

III. The Empress - Brian Ponty. Peace/Abundance, Love/Luxury. Upside down: Trouble in paradise, Collect yourself.

IV. The Emperor - John Hedges. Power/Authority, Responsibility, Self control, Self mastery. Upside down: Need for flexibility over rigidness.

V. The Hierophant - Forrest Nash. Wisdom, Rules, Choosing one’s battles, Conformity. Upside down: Independent paths/Isolation.

VI. The Lovers - George&Marie. Choices, Guided or controlled by emotions, Passion. Upside down: Emotional coldness, Hibernation, Complacency.

VII. The Chariot - 189.16, The Scream. Control over situations, Freedom, Risk of working oneself out of a good thing. Upside down: Moving forward.

VIII. Strength - Leslie Harper. Stamina, Perseverance. Upside down: Draw on hidden strengths, Reflect on strengths one forgets they have.

IX. The Hermit - Clive Elforth. Reflection, Soul searching, Learning by observation. Upside down: Consider sharing one’s wisdom with others.

X. Wheel of Fortune - Roller Ricky’s Roller Rink. Life is circular, Good times will come back, Keep working towards upsides. Upside down: Take a step back before things spin out of control.

XI. Justice - The Producer’s Booth. Fairness, Adherence to rules & consequences. Upside down: Karma for oneself also.

XII. The Hanged Man - Maurice Russell. Patience, Perspective over catastrophizing. Upside down: Patience is not always a virtue; act or retreat.

XIII. Death - George Barrow. Changes, Attempts to avoid conflict may be futile. Upside down: Pointless to resist; may make things worse. Avoid conflict if possible.

XIV. Temperance - Plunker/The Frat. Self restraint, Moderation, Satisfaction with balance, Going with the flow, Patience. Upside down: Reflect on life’s imbalances, Be wary of impulsiveness.

XV. The Devil - Marie Campbell. Base desires, Bound to self-destruction, Prone to temptation/beguiling, Potential to break free but unwilling. Upside down: Detach from self-destruction.

XVI. The Tower - Elis Point/Whistling Point. Sudden changes & chaos, Powerlessness, Humbleness and Brevity. Upside down: Little to no way to avoid inevitable, but it will be okay eventually.

XVII. The Star - Roller Ricky. Transformation, Growth, Healing & forgiveness, Success, Carrying on. Upside down: Lack of guidance, Work to move things to one’s benefit.

XVIII. The Moon - Edward Marshall Mooney. Clarity past distractions, Ego/stubbornness, Dreams & Intuition followed through. Upside down: Anxieties and unhappiness, though it will also pass.

XIX. The Sun - Peggy Weaver. Optimism, Joy, Creativity, Potential for power. Upside down: Use powers wisely, Avoid unneeded conflict, Reach out to others.

XX. Judgement - The DJ Booth. Judge oneself, Examine choices & actions, Reflect on present and goals. Upside down: Avoid overthinking (especially details) as it may cloud judgement.

XXI. The World - Henry Barrow. Completion, Satisfaction. Upside down: Incomplete feelings, Reflect on what was missing.

[kydrogendragon]

Last Line Tag Game

Lol, well, I think I've been tagged in this multiple times in the past two weeks xD But I've finally had some writing done, so I can actually play them now!

Thanks to @tj-dragonblade @zzoomacroom @embroiderling @im-not-corrupted @the-apocrypha @amielot and anyone else I missed that's tagged me in this!

So to make up for so many tags, have an extra long snippet from the next (and final chapter) of A Waking Nightmare! Some of these are just dialogue, some are more fleshed out.

Despair!

“Hello sweet Morpheus.” “Sister… I did not call for you.” “Oh, but you did. You always do. You’ve been one foot in my realm for a long time now.” She reaches out, trailing the tips of her fingers across his cheek. He closes his eyes. “You always suffer so deliciously, my brother, but you never truly let yourself feel it, do you?” “I cannot. I have my duties to attend. I cannot hurt the Dreamers.” “So much duty. So much honor. And all of it pressing you ever closer to me.” There’s a sharp sting on his cheek and a rush of warmth spilling over his skin. “Perhaps it’s time you take that final step into my realm.” Despair drags her hook across his cheek and disappears as the emotions crest through him.

Delirium!

“Is that how you think yours will end?” “I—” “I think you deserve a better one than that. I think you’re just in that bad middle part right now. What’s it called?” Her eyes flicker in color until one turns green again. “The murky and intense part of a story where people bite their fingers and shake their heads and scream and curse and shout?” “The climax?” “That’s right! You’re in your climax. Or the little bits after? But not your end. You can’t break a story in the middle. No body likes that. It needs a happy ending! There’s lots and lots and lots of sad endings right now. And incomplete endings. And endings that don’t end. And stories never started. But you should make yours a happy one.”

And the much awaited reunion!

“I am sorry, Hob. They should have never done such things. And I... I should never have treated you as I had. I will not ask for you forgiveness, nor do I believe I deserve it. But I would not leave you thinking I held such hatred for you still. I shall take my leave.”  Hob’s eyes widen. He wheels his chair back from his desk and stumbles out of it, uneasy on his feet. He steps forward and his legs give out underneath him as he falls into Dream. Dream catches him, hands firm under Hob’s arms.  Hob pulls himself up better, into a proper hug, and pulls Dream close, one hand on his neck. “You and I are having fucking words on how to communicate. And you're giving me a reliable way to reach you that won’t piss you off after all this mess. Especially if we're to be friends,“ Hob whispers, angrily in Dream’s ear.

No pressure tags! @seiya-starsniper @bazzybelle and @tryan-a-bex

[renaicircus]

Good Luck My Future

English translation of Good Luck My Future by GANG PARADE from single Sparkling Moon / Good Luck My Future

Song and lyrics by Kayoko Kusano

Translated for going going WACK

GOOD LUCK MY FUTURE

CLAP CLAP with rusty rock’n roll The steam whistle echoes into the hazy future CLAP CLAP in this tumultuous,era Only one truth remains the same CLAP CLAP the one way ticket towards my dream has faded, but even so I won't throw it away Incomplete and awkward, but that’s exactly what makes life so lovely Running with a broken wheels down the rail tracks someone else has built Screaming, I set sparks flying Convincing myself that “pain serves as proof” is the right answer Then my youth runs at full speed Until the day I can laugh about “today” not going well by ordinary methods Good luck my future The world I ran through may be cruel, but it’s dear to me anyway No matter what, my feelings continue uninterrupted The train shakes and sways, bringing us with it Your profile wavers in the setting sun. Even though we had the same beginning You’re gazing at a different tomorrow Wondering where I might’ve messed up I put every emotion I can’t turn into words in my bag and run for it  Good luck your future To you, growing further away: I pray for your happiness, not looking back Little by little, while leaving it all behind Tears tremble, unstable, putting everything into the past Hey~ CLAP CLAP with rusty rock’n roll The steam whistle echoes into the hazy future CLAP CLAP in this tumultuous,era Only one truth remains the same CLAP CLAP the one way ticket towards my dream has faded, but even so I won't throw it away Incomplete and awkward, but that’s exactly what makes life so lovely Good luck my future The world I ran through may be cruel, but it’s dear to me anyway No matter what, without my hopes falling apart The train shakes and sways, bringing us with it Good luck your future The past growing further and further away, our dispersed dreams, the promise we made from that day Little by little, as we forget, lose them Life goes on, and on and we sing a song

[luckystarchild]

Sometimes I get a little... frustrated... by the reactions to Lucky Child.

(No one is doing anything wrong. This isn't a callout post.)

Fiction that is serialized one chapter/installment at a time over a long period of time suffers from "No Instant Answers Disease." In a book, if you have a question about something that occurs midway through the narrative, you can read to the end and (most of the time) get your answer unless the author forgets the plot thread or something. But with serial fiction that is incomplete, you can't keep reading. You just have to sit with whatever the plot point is, wondering.

Sometimes LC (and most ongoing work probably) gets comments that express frustration over something that I, the author, know will get resolved eventually. But on a few specific topics, folk consistently will write comments that accidentally imply I'm like... writing about pointless stuff?? And I KNOW they don't mean to imply that, and that they're just giving an emotional response to the drama I MYSELF CREATED, which means it's impacting them emotionally and that means my writing of the subject was successful, BUT it's still a little frustrating on my part when people seem to imply that I'm wasting time/words/story on something "useless" or "pointless" or something that "doesn't matter." FRUSTRATING that they think I'm just wasting words!

But it's not frustrating in a "they're wrong" kind of way, mind you. It's frustrating in a "I can't give them any assurances without dropping massive spoilers and now I'm caught between a rock and a spoilery place" kind of way!

Big LC spoilers if you haven't read past chapter 110 or so. Click to keep reading.

Specifically I'm talking about the "None of this is real" plotline. For those who need a refresher, Hiruko implied that the world/people around NQK may not be "Real" by some obscure definition, and NQK spends a lot of time agonizing over what that means in both a practical and philosophical sense, and if it means anything at all.

In chapter 109, NQKagome reacts super emotionally to this whole idea, insisting that the people around her MUST be real. She loves them, and she feels they love her, so the idea that they're "philosophical zombies" that are basically just really good fake people makes her have an anxiety attack. And a lot of readers SWIFTLY sided with NQKagome, and/or they argued "It doesn't actually matter if they're real or not."

It's that last argument I find really frustrating. The implication that "this topic they're spending time on doesn't matter and they shouldn't even worry about it" is, unintentionally, kind of implying that the time we're spending talking about the concept itself doesn't matter, which is in turn an implication that it has no bearing on the plot/story/characters, which is kind of a sideways comment about my writing/storycraft itself. It's implying I'm spinning my wheels on useless crap.

And I know that's not what's intended by those comments, which are instead likely just emotional reactions to a heavy concept, but like... "Hey author, this thing you've devoted thousands of words to doesn't actually matter or have a point, I think it's useless for the characters to care about it" is a frustrating thing to hear.

Because it does matter.

I wouldn't be writing about it at such length and in such detail if it didn't matter.

But I can't like... explain why it matters, or even the DEGREE to which it does or doesn't matters, because even hinting at how big (or small) of a deal it may be could be SUPER spoilery if you're even a LITTLE good at deducing metanarrative. So I just have to sit here nervously laughing to myself going, "Heheh, yeah, uh, it toooootally doesn't matter at all, noooo... (*nervous fidgeting*)" and feeling frustrated that the reader doesn't trust me to write about things that "matter."

Oh god, this is a trust issue. I just figured that out now while writing this.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that if LC were complete, you could just read to the end and figure out why/how it matters instead of implying it's a useless waste of time, but LC isn't complete, so...you can't. BUT I also know that the impassioned responses to the "Is this Real?" question show just how deeply the topic gets under people's skin, and that's great for me as a writer, because it shows me where I can focus to get people emotionally invested. Even the most hostile "this sucks and this topic shouldn't matter" responses show me I've struck a nerve, which is a GOOD thing in the end. I should take those comments as compliments.

But all in all, I GUESS those frustrating responses and my reactions to them indicate how much I need to finish the damn story, so maybe this frustration is a good thing in the end... but please, for the love of fanfic, please TRY and trust that if I spend a long time talking about something in the story, it's probably because I'm laying the groundwork for plot later. Don't fall prey to "No Instant Answers Disease."

"Just trust the process and let me cook." That's the moral (antidote?) here.

And that's my rant. Thanks for reading.