#the ideation is getting bad again

[wouldwulfie]

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[endlessmidnights]

I want someone to notice so badly but I know what would probably happen if they did so I just stay in constant conflict with myself

[h-didanart]

Tw selfharm

I blurred it

Didn’t appear blurred to me, but let’s hope it works!

Oh. Oh, Bloodmoon. I’m sorry.

This is a very sad piece, the gradient all around the drawing gives a somber atmosphere, Blood seemingly hugging himself reminds us of what exactly he’s dealing with, the scars reveal just how badly he’s taking it, and having his expression shadowed by his hood was just the perfect way to convey his misery.

I also feel the need to point out that the way you drew the tears is very good, they look like actual tears and not just chicken scratch (which the ones I draw usually look like)

Very good drawing, it’s heartbreaking, sad, and perfectly communicates the character’s feelings.

Btw, are those ears under his hood?

*takes a deep sigh*

Okay, I’m sorry, I could not stop myself from rambling about my aus here. This drawing reminded me of some stuff from my aus and, y’know, I thought I’d share, just some quick explanations and then nothing more. But then I started writing and then I had a paragraph and then I started writing from the character’s own feelings and… *sighs* I’m sorry.

You don’t have to read this if you don’t wanna, it’s really just my writer brain having been activated and immediately lore dumping everything I had that reminded me of what you’ve shown me. Again, ya don’t need to read this, it’ll probably make you uncomfortable or upset or both. But if you do, uh, thanks? Don’t hate me?

Below is discussion of these topics: self harm and suicidal ideation

(Do not force yourself to read what’s next, read safely)

You know, I too have kinda thought of Bloodmoon doing this, not the canon one, but the ones from at least two of my main aus. I don’t know if it’ll be canon to the aus, but they’re at least interesting things to think through from a psychological and angst writer standpoint.

Both twins in ‘Get in losers’ post separation, for different reasons.

Harvest because without their other half she genuinely cannot feel anything, so she resorts to the one thing they know they’ll feel, that being pain, all of it focused on her unusable arm, her missing half’s. She gets better when they get reunited, tho they’re afraid of relapsing whenever she’s away from Hunter for an extended period of time.

Hunter because his body is wrong. Jigsaw did not care to explain to them that his body was made to suit a female AI, and when they realize this they try to hide it as much as possible, hiding his chest using whatever he can find, usually to the detriment of his internal fan system, and picking at the casing on their hips hoping to one day be able to take a whole chunk off. They don’t get better when they are reunited, actually Harvest probably catches him about to pass out from overheating due to a broken fan, from there I could see Harvest asking Solar for help with this and Hunter accepting the help after resisting it due to the embarrassment//shame//humiliation from it.

And then there’s Harvest… from ‘Quiet Throes’.

They’ve both taken their situation as badly as one can take that situation, there’s just too many feelings for them to process, so naturally some got ignored. Harvest wasn’t too keen on talking about his own feelings of worthlessness to begin with, and with them insisting on focusing on Bloody they kinda just kept it all in. The twins take turns sleeping at some point, it doesn’t stop the exhaustion they feel, nor does it stop the images flashing in their eyes every time they blink, but they still try to lighten the load for one another. That’s what it was supposed to be, at least. He didn’t know how he started, they just know they were tired of seeing all that over and over and over and over. The pain was a relief, something their mind could focus on that wasn’t the screams echoing in his hearing, but it didn’t last long, so they did it again. And again, and again, and again. Bloody woke up. And then he realized what he had been doing. It wasn’t permanent damage, Solar had been very careful and effective in stopping the oil and sealing their wounds, but it still left a pretty big impact on them all. Harvest was focused on more since then, with him reluctantly starting to talk about some of his issues, but they could never shake off the guilt. Bloody didn’t deserve to deal with his issues. Bloody didn’t deserve to deal with their stupid decisions… Maybe it would all be better if he hadn’t survived.

I

AM

SO

SORRY

YOU

HAD

TO

READ

THAT

.m.

I’m sorry

[thismightbeacryforhelpwhoknows]

i just feel like im drowning.

i dont remember when i got into the water but im just about ready to stop trying to swim.

[peeledstrawberry]

Younger me would be so freaking happy about how I turned out. I have pink hair and I study psychology. I initiate conversations with strangers and I talk the most in class now. I lived past 15 and I found words that could describe what was wrong with me.

It really got better :0

[gayjaytodd]

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[thewindandthestars]

Fun fact: when I wrote x readers it was mostly because I didn't know self shipping was a thing and that it was okay for me to write stuff that involved me personally. Most of my x readers were comfort fics that was initially written for me because I needed the comfort but I wrote them for everyone because again, didn't know I could write selfship. So now whenever I write selfship stuff, I don't know how to write without feeling awkward because I'm so used to writing x readers.

I'll probably get over this hurdle eventually, I just need to write for myself more lolol /lh

Tw for tags: vent and mention of depression and suicidal ideation 👍 doesn't go in depth but just keep yourself safe.

[goodnightmoonvale]

It Gets Better

In my teens and early 20s, I was suicidal. Actively, for a while, and then mostly passively throughout college. Never made an attempt, but thought about it a lot.

Once I got married and had kids, suicidal thoughts were less frequent. I did, however, think an awful lot about either alternate universe versions of myself that were doing something different, or about living off grid, or about just getting on a greyhound bus and travelling literally anywhere else. When I saw a post on Tumblr once about how "wanting to disappear and run off into the woods" was a more mild form of the same thought process that gives you suicidal urges, it made a lot of sense.

Earlier this year I once again got the overwhelming urge to change my entire life. But instead of wanting to stop existing, or wanting to walk away from everything and start from zero, I realized - I want to rearrange my furniture. I want to paint all my walls. I want to rip up the paving stones in the back yard and plant flowers. I want to learn woodworking.

And I realized - I will probably always be restless. Combine the ADHD with never living in the same house for more than 4 years at a time as a kid, and you get a brain that constantly craves things that are new. But I've finally hit a point where the life that I'm in is mostly preferable to me. I've found people and relationships that I cherish. The fact that I want to stay and fix what I have instead of wanting to drop everything and run means that I like the majority of what I have. The good things about my life outweigh the negatives and the stress and the boredom that still remain. I finally have built up enough good in my life that it wouldn't be worth tossing it out.

[boomerang109]

i cant do this

[endlessmidnights]

Why am I so jealous of people who cut deep, like I want to be able to cut deep, but my anxiety gets me every time, so instead I just cut a lot

[software-instxbility]

If I dont go to class, i feel like a failure. If i do go to class, i either want to kill someone, or myself. In euther case, im incapable of taking care of myself. Maybe i should just start rotting away again.

[noianoranoia]

imagine you are cranky and sad and not even hungry when you come home from work but are still forced to sit at the table with your parents and then get roped into the umpteenth discussion about how your mother is controlling and constantly unsatisfied with how her children are trying to live their life and predictably end up welling up after 1h of trying to deconstruct her dangerous and hurtful viewpoint because she told you you clearly have issues because you have no friends and she knows this has been a fucking sore point for you for your whole life and you know all of this will be wasted breath because she will never change the way she sees the world and you will always be the one paying for it. that's how my night is going

[butiknowiloatheyou]

ihatemyselfihatemyselfihatemyselfsomuch

[thismightbeacryforhelpwhoknows]

i am so fucking lonely, i just want to be dead

[doyouevendepression]

Getting better didn’t end too well 🙃

[bass-alien]

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